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ms-cartoon · 2 years ago

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New HB Episode! (Jesus...)

Alright... So I seen the new episode - can't say this show gradually gets any better. I can fairly say there was only one decent thing about this episode, and that was the backstory with Moxxie and why he has daddy issues. Seriously though, why does almost EVERYBODY in this goddamn show have daddy issues??? And why are all these dads a**holes?? And yes, I'm going to include Millie's father. Of course, he's no abusive dad, but he (nor his wife) wasn't kind to Moxxie at all, and all because he was considered a weakling who uses guns as a choice for weapons. Which sounds like a pretty stupid reason. There are people who are scared to even pick up a gun, let alone pull a trigger.

I couldn't tell if I was skimming through this episode, or if the episode was just skimming itself and I just couldn't keep up. I think it's mostly the latter, cuz MY GOD, this was so rushed! I had to watch this twice to process whatever was going on. Everything just feels so crammed into this episode There's also Moxxie's ex-boyfriend, but I'll get to that in a minute.

⦁ So the first start of the episode, we start with Moxxie and Loona in the room. I just love how Loona is just there, lol!! She's just sitting at the table on her phone and has no speaking lines whatsoever. She might as well have not even appeared in this episode, for real. What's bad about this is that she was only there for another "Moxxie is fat!" joke. I really don't get what's so funny about this gag. Why is it even a gag? Moxxie is not fat! He don't even look it. I highly doubt he's even heavy. Loona and Blitzo are just being d*cks to him. It doesn't even help that he mentions he lost a few pounds just so they stop making fun of him. Now it's just sad!!! They body-shamed Moxxie so much, he felt he had to lose a few pounds so they would leave him alone about it. They did not make this funny, they just made it worse. PLZ STOP with the unfunny fat jokes!!

⦁ This seems to be the most try-hard horniest episode compared to the ones that have Stolas in it. Seriously, what in the gracious hell is with these dildos popping up from chairs and walls!!!???

Then there's Blitzo who has photos of porn in the drawers in his office (why would he even put those where people can open it up and take stuff out anyway??)!!! And then you got this perverted fish (who's the most annoying out of everybody in this episode) tryna bang everybody in IMP! He's literally just another Stolas, Blitzo, and Angel Dust character put in one: an LGBT horny mess who just wants to get his mack on anyone around him or just certain people, sexually harassing them in the process. Plus, anything that comes out of his mouth is a literal sex joke and it's just uncomforting.

⦁ So Moxxie's family is in the mafia and they're rich...... But why??? I thought Imps were of lower class and practically poor compared to the other species of demons.

⦁ You mean to tell me Millie and Moxxie dated the same guy at one point in their lifetime before getting together? Okay, but it seems to be too much of a coincidence. Idk, it just comes off as odd.

⦁ So Moxxie and Chaz had a thing going on before he met up with Millie. But when they were together, their relationship seemed to be more centered around lust than there was genuine love. Obviously considering when Chaz was quick to take the money and abandoned Moxxie when he needed help during the heist. Now this, amongst other parts of this series, just keeps up the stereotypical nonsense that all gay dudes are horny for each other and want nothing but to get it on. I don't understand what Moxxie even sees in his perverted a**. What makes no sense about this is that Moxxie isn't the type of guy that just get's horny like that. He's not perverted and doesn't get turned on over the slightest of things, yet he's shown stroking a gun while cleaning it while at the same time feeling pleasure. Chaz is more vulgar than Blitzo, and Moxxie barely tolerates him! So, wtf??

⦁ So in hell, you can pretty much get away with anything illegal with no consequences. Whether it'd be robbing a bank, murdering someone, sexual harassment, etc. So why in THE HELL is there a prison???!!

⦁ Blitzo and Moxxie's meeting makes no sense to me. So #1, I was under the assumption Moxxie met Blitzo after he met and married Millie, but now they're telling us they met in jail right after Chaz abandoned Moxxie. #2, Why is Blitzo quick to let Moxxie join IMP after only saying a few words to him? He didn't even ask him for his name or let him speak or anything - he was just like, "Hey let's bust outta here and you can join my company!" #3 Why is Moxxie even smiling? What has Blitzo said to make him feel better so quickly after basically being dumped?? Does he feel like he's being accepted or something? Like bro, you just met this dude and you didn't even say a word to him.

⦁ Millie's more pissed at Chaz for abandoning Moxxie at one point. Why is Millie getting so angry and quick to kill Chaz over something that happened she wasn't even present for!? She never even met Moxxie around that time. Plus, it's not like that situation is bothering Moxxie now. There was no need for her to get so triggered here. Not saying she's not right to get upset about it, but the sudden rage was a little extra.

⦁ If Blitzo and Moxxie were considered friends when they met, then why is Blitzo such an ass to him all the time?? Are we supposed to give Blitzo props for acknowledging or being nice to Moxxie?

⦁ Crimson seems to make a better villain than any other antagonist introduced in this series. Mainly because he has motivation. From what I can gather from this, from Crim's perspective, Moxxie was turning soft because of his wife. It seems that he was extremely pissed off that the mother disagreed with how he raised Moxxie, going as far as to kill her. Granted it was too far and for a petty reason, but it's better than just doing things and having no motivation for them, unlike Stella.

⦁ A priest.... in hell...?

⦁ They only have Moxxie stand up for himself ONCE in this episode, and it's not even enough. His whole life from when he was a kid, he was pushed around by his father and put up with his abuse. The second he meets him after a long time, he's still afraid of him. The only time he puts his foot down is when he says he's not gonna go along with whatever his father plans for him and refuses his commands.... and that was it. It seemed like he was threatening his dad initially, saying how good he was at his job, and not even a second later he gets tased and knocked out, becoming a damsel in distress. That was the most brave we get out of him. If anything, his freakin WIFE was doing the most out of him once more, becoming the man of the relationship as always!! Wouldn't it have been better if Moxxie tried to get out of the knot and fought his dad or Chaz? Maybe he could have helped out Millie and they could make it to where Millie was having difficulties fighting all those gang members.

⦁ Speaking of that; Millie is only useful in battle only when the plot deems it necessary. It kinda seems like she's falling in and out of being a talented fighter. She gets taken down at one point and then the next she'll beat everybody's ass with no sweat! Sure - defeat an entire mob whether it be a mafia or a bunch of agents and take down a whole damn sea monster, but get knocked out by a freakin glass bottle and your leg ruptured by a bear trap...Yeah, I can totally buy that. I feel like they were being a little extra with Millie taking down all those gang members anyway. As I said, she could've had some difficulty fighting all those dudes and Moxxie could've helped her.

⦁ I swear- the women in this show get no respect not just in the show itself, but from the writers. Millie is once again only existing to be just a woman who's married to Moxxie and only gets angry and violent just for Moxxie. There's at least one episode that should've been about her, but it was mostly about her husband and she was just there as his moral support. Literally, the only thing we get outta her in this episode is her extremely hot temper, and all because of Chaz, who she dated at one point. Why is she so upset with Chaz? Why did she hate him so much before she knew about his relationship with Moxxie? What did he do to make her dump him? Or did he dump her? How did she even end up with a guy like him?? We don't know!! We only get to know about Moxxie's past relationship with him and how it faltered, and that is such a letdown! This could've been our chance to explore Millie as a character, even if it's a little flashback of her love life.

⦁ I'm not gonna disclude Moxxie's mother in this. Honestly, I don't think it was necessary for her to get killed off just so we could feel more sympathy for Moxxie. We can already see how his father treats him. Can't forget Loona or Blitzo. Not even Millie's parents liked him.

⦁ I'm I the only one who feels like Millie and Moxxie as a couple is boring? Yeah they love each other and would probably die for each other and that's nice n all, but wouldn't it be interesting to have Millie and Moxxie have a slight argument at least once? We all know these two love each other to death. They're sweeter and more loving towards each other than anybody else around them, and that's why it would be interesting to see a quarrel. Sometimes, you can't be a married couple without having an argument or two at one point. Millie clearly felt upset that she was kept in the dark about Moxxie's family. She kept on questioning Moxxie; "Why haven't I met dad before? Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?" And Moxxie would just continuously dodge the questions and not tell her anything. This actually could've been another opportunity for Millie's character. Not that she has to lash out at him, but maybe she could've told him how she felt about him not saying anything about Crimson, his ex, his mother, or how he feeling in general while also having an upset attitude y'know. Maybe Moxxie could've argued back and said he just didn't wanna worry her or something.

⦁ I don't think Moxxie and Chaz necessarily have to marry just so Chaz could be a part of the family. If this is just about financial issues then why can't Crim and Chaz come to an agreement or something? How did Crim not know that Chaz was actually not rich?

⦁ I just know people are triggered over the fact that Blitzo slept Chaz and are like "BLITZO NO!! YOU BELONG TO STOLAS!!" or some whiny sh*t like that, even though Stolas and Blitzo aren't even an official couple. When did Blitzo suddenly become an imp version of Stolas? Why was he so quick to get horny and sleep with Chaz and he JUST MET HIM! This might as well be the same situation he had with Stolas, except he's Stolas and Chaz is Blitzo. Not to mention Blitzo ended up sneaking around and snooping through his stuff.

⦁ Why is Blitzo the one to get suspicious of Chaz anyway? He is mostly just there for comic relief and mostly seems more goofy and lovable compared to his behavior in the latest episode. It's kinda a good thing I guess, but I'm not gonna hope for the better of him. I wouldn't say he changed completely since there was a moment he lashed out at Moxxie for a split second. I don't even think he has any motive for trying to get him caught in a lie cuz he doesn't even know him, other than the fact that he wants to be the only one who ruptures Moxxie and Millie's relationship (I'm sorry... are we supposed to be rooting for him still?) If anything, I think it makes more sense if Millie was the one to figure out was Chaz was up to considering her history with him (if there was any. We don't know.... it was never shown!)

⦁ I can't believe Crimson easily let Millie walk away with Moxxie scott free without putting up a fight! Bro killed dozens of people!! He wasn't even afraid to kill his own wife. He even threatened to harm Moxxie and Millie! Why is he backing down so easily!?

Uh, yeah... this certainly wasn't the greatest episode. I think the only thing good about it was Moxxie's childhood. That was certainly interesting (and dark). Apart from that, I was expecting something outta nothing. We could've seen some potential from Millie, but we didn't. This show just can't exist without sex jokes. It's alright if they wanna be funny like that, but at this point, it's just uncomforting. Wondering how they're gonna screw up the next episode.

#critique #helluva boss critical #SpindleHorse critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #blog #my thoughts #it doesn't get better

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unlimitedhorsepower · 1 year ago

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Another disaster buddy pair is Ryan and Ivan. Ryan is insightful but Ivan would be offended by Ryan trying too hard to put him in the spotlight "subtly" (he wasn't subtle at all. In fact he announced this loudly and forced Ivan on the spot). And Ryan would be kinda miffed bc he's doing Ivan a favour like why is he sooo mad. But water under the bridge yanno, except Ivan slights him in other ways like not listening at all when Ryan's talking to him (thinking abt his blog or something) which is fine but then Ivan is giving bogus excuses for not listening which actually makes Ryan frustrated like he can tell Ivan isn't listening so why is he lying lol

Ivan would get frustrated with Ryan at some point and unlike Antonio, Ryan wouldn't bend over backwards for Ivan to figure himself out. Ryan will not be the bigger person, like damn what's Ivan's issue lol. He can work with Ivan without being his friend he's done this before, no problem.

Ivan not being straightforward at all would be Ryan's issue, who cares if he's annoyed by Ryan, that's fine. But he's always beating around the bush even if Ryan can clearly read him and know he's annoyed rn. Like how Karina is just plain annoyed if she is which is fine by Ryan, but Ivan would bottle all of that inside of him so hard, and even harder when Ryan points it out kinda jokingly like relax dude haha

Ryan says smth like "lol I thought you were like 15 before I looked it up online" and Ivan's year is ruined. He's an adult, thanks. Ryan has wronged him deeply and Ryan's like <-clueless. He can give Ivan style tips to not look like a 15yo. Barnaby's such a babyface too its fine dude lmao, just a funny observation. Relax. Ivan isn't relaxing he is constructing a narrative in his mind about how Ryan doesn't respect him and thinks he is a kid. And Ryan's like huh...cool idea of my opinions you made in your head? Damn? It's not true. Get well soon

Ryan and Ivan would be funny friends too bc Ryan wouldn't judge Ivan's hobbies or anything (contrary to what Ivan would think). If Ivan could just get past Ryan being insufferable it would be fine. Ryan would even indulge him and buy him some expensive merchandise bc he can. And whoa he has two tickets to this retreat at an authentic Japanese onsen like what a coincidence just enough for a guy's weekend out with Ivan.

But again they could never solve this issue by themselves buddy hero style

#tiger and bunny #tnb #ivan karelin #ryan goldsmith #origami cyclone #golden ryan #sry of the tags maybe. or not. this was in my drafts #gabriels ramblings

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inchidentally · 7 months ago

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god I wish xkit still had the inbox features - but I'm gonna screencap all the stuff under tricky asks and save them for later so I can see the fun asks and not have them get buried <3

gonna do a few of the more recent ones now and then from there bundle them every couple weeks!

I've mostly just fallen out of interest w the ship apart from the way I enjoy it (which isn't popular lol) for a few reasons but mostly the misogyny toward real life gfs. I still enjoy it for myself and I'm even writing it rn but I'm just not motivated to go crazy over it anymore <3

oh babe I'm a massive complainer about McLaren's new media approach meaning we don't get the fun, regular teammate content that we used to but truly there's no motive for actually keeping them apart! the carlando challenge was F1TV and I actually can't tell who pushed for the Oscar/Esteban RC car challenge but it makes sense bc they've chatted a fair amount during down time since Bahrain. I think there's a casual friendliness there.

but also this kind of cross-team content isn't unusual at all and tbh it's a coincidence that feels annoying mainly bc it coincides with McLaren sm deciding to go all slick edits rather than spontaneous and fun content.

and first anon if anything it felt like Oscar put himself in time out for well, actually slightly stalking Lando in the preseason and Bahrain kasgfkaflsagfslja I'm... mostly joking

oh listen, Carlos and Lando absolutely are friends - and I don't wanna jump down your throat if you're not saying they aren't - but don't get me wrong, I enjoy carlando for what it actually is and not the 'secretly in love/fucking/relationship/actually gay for each other' version. ironically the reality is a lot sweeter and more real than desperately ignoring everything about Carlos to pretend he's gay or to pretend that Lando and Carlos rank even in the top 100 of people closest to them. sorry but to me the reality of baby Lando latching onto Carlos for support in F1 and Carlos quite liking this funny little dude fluttering around him even when they have nothing but driving, golf and beautiful women in common - like, that's sweet to me!! sorry ?? it's the whole imprinted on each other but we wouldn't normally be friends thing that happens in these little brother/big brother scenarios.

the fact is tho that carlando is indeed a major popularity and engagement spinner for everyone from F1 official to sponsors to Lando and Carlos themselves, and they both know that hanging out and documenting it can serve two purposes at once. the Australia stuff was all probably a bit too cynical but they wouldn't do any of it if they didn't actually enjoy spending time together! plenty of these sports bromances do similar things it's just that of the F1 bromances, carlando caught on with the 1D rpf conspiracy theorist pipeline by ticking every box. you'd think they'd catch on that it's all the ones they're convinced are RealTM that end up flopping butttt

but yea I remember the ask linking to ppl saying that landoscar and charlos are PR and to this day it's like did they just want to face a deluge of constantly being proven wrong or ??? esp the fact that Charles and Carlos get absolutely zilch out of their dynamic this season (and forever after that) - especially Carlos who could easily decide to just be blandly polite to Charles and focus on buddying up to a hopeful new teammate if charlos was purely PR. even when they play it up, it's not cynical and they make it clear. but the way they've chosen to deal with this whole circus in a joint way is like damn. they're not besties or anything but they respect the fuck out of each other and talk a lot about how to deal with being friends and also teammates.

and landoscar literally has no bromance content, no fake gay, not even excessive touching or physical proximity, Oscar isn't remotely interested in being camera friendly, they don't document any of their time together when it's not official media, and they don't remotely play up to the cameras together. the ship literally exists bc two guys like to watch each other with sweet dopey smiles, they are on a freakishly similar wavelength, have immense respect for each other, Oscar has observed and learned Lando to almost worrying degrees, and Lando has no filter so when he keeps having horny verbal burps about Oscar's body that make the people around them uncomfortable or awkward - and that Oscar just blushes and giggles through. it's absolutely not planned or strategic bc what a horrible strategy to try and convince fans to ship them like carlando and dando askflgsajlgflaf.

like, everything about Lando and Oscar's real life dynamic and friendship is one of the few cases where they're categorically known to not cynically try to promote it for fans and they don't play up to the cameras for engagement. literally they like each other and get on well and it's just. like that !!

#inchreplies #wank adjacent

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unburntdragonqueen · 2 years ago

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My opinion on different house of the dragon outfits (women edition) part 6 (finale)

Yes I'm still going I know I'm annoying

Please ignore any typos my first language is not English

Baela Targaryen

She only has two dresses I think but this one has definitely got to be my favorite, it reminds me of Laena for some reason, and the pattern is very beautiful it also reminds me of patterns I see in my home country which is funny bc they were in dragonstone and they filmed dragonstone where I'm from so I think even though obviously it has nothing to do with it, it's a cool coincidence, and the color is stunning she looks stunning, I wish they had given a little more to her and Rhaena tho not only did they have no lines or barely any but they also had very simple gowns.

Rating: 8/10

It's okay once again they went for simple gowns for her when I feel like they could have given her more like at least a little more jewelry idk, the wrist and neck details are really pretty.

Rating: 6/10

Rhaena Targaryen

I could literally only find one 🤦‍♀️ but it's a cute one both Baela and Rhaena in this scene did get pretty gowns and since I couldn't find any other dress I only have this I can't really compare, but idk why but I'm obsessed with the contrast of black to red and how there's only small bits of red but they look good and then the gold on the red also gives it a nice touch and maybe unpopular opinion but I love those two little chains

Rating: 7/10

Helaena Targaryen

You can't see it that well in this photo but from what I've seen it's once again very simple dress, they seem to focus those on characters they dont want to pay attention to 🤦‍♀️ but it's very princess like, so it's fitting and that shade of pink is beautiful

Rating: 5.5/10

My girl Helaena deserved better bc the color of this dress is meh, I guess it's gold?? But in my opinion this gold is worse than the gold from that one dress from Rhaenyra that I mentioned, it's mostly the shade of it and the pattern on that shade of gold is also meh I like the little belt looking thingy tho (also wasn't this the same dress she wore on episode 9, like she wore it on episode 8 and 9 or was it just similar??)

Rating: 6/10

I know I know this photo is terrible but I could not find a better one, but this dress I actually liked it, it looked like they actually tried to make something nice for her, the color suits her.

Rating: 7.5/10

Mysaria

This dress looks cheap, again, I know she's not a main character even though they treated her like she was since she for some reason has a character poster, but still they could have tried a little it looks like something that came once again like I said before from one of those sketchy websites, there's honestly not really anything that I really like, maybe the neckline.

Rating: 3/10

Andddd finally the last dress, this is definitely better I don't get why all her dresses are tight fitted but oh well and I know of her nickname but them being all white too, comeeee on lol, but I like the material of this one and the corset (?) and what looks like a necklace but might be part of the dress, it's cute

Rating: 6.5/10

And finally I'm done if I missed any and you want to let me know please do and I guess I will add it lmao

#house of the dragon #hotd #baela targaryen #rhaena targaryen #helaena targaryen #mysaria

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wanderrlust0 · 5 months ago

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if youre gonna be happy with me one day and then dry the next day, so be it. ill just match your energy and be dry to you back bc wth

why am i trying to ignore the fact and pretend like its nothing. its. annoying. and theres no reason for it and its unfair that he always gets this way. just bc his ex could cheat, he could cheat, anyone else could cheat, doesnt mean i will automatically cheat as well. why am i always being treated by him like i already cheated and hes already accusing me of stuff thats never even happened nor will it, whenever i hang out with my friend that he doesnt like for NO solid reason. its only his gut feelings and his anxiety plus his outside perspective that my friend is this like crazy, terrible, home wrecker person he believes they are. like why do i feel like he just doesnt like any of my friends sometimes. but this specific friend he says he like hates. like dude first of all, thats such a strong word, you can chill out. secondly, youre the only one whos hating here. my friend doesnt hate you. and hes like “well she has no reason to”. i shouldve said yeah and you have no reason to hate them either. my friend has def shared their opinions on him bc of some of the annoying stuff hes done!!..lol bc yes ive vented to them ofc since theyre my friend, but my friend does not HATE him. theyre happy for me and him and how i was able to find someone for me and stay together for this long (5 yrs with him!!!). he claims he “believes” me and “trusts me” EVERY TIME THIS HAPPENS but then he just resorts back to being uncaring and distant like ??!?! helloooo wheres the caring, loving, funny, bf i fell in love with wtf that just made me cry omg. like you say you trust me then show me and dont stop. why does he have so much doubt in me. not to sound insensitive but he neeeeds to get pasttttt thisss alreadyyy. i kind of told him that its gonna become like so draining if this keeps happening anytime i wanna hang out with this friend and its gonna take a toll on our relationship in the long run. like will he EVER, EVER get over it.. is he really gonna “hate” my friend forever. like can we just figure something out, anything, and do whatever it takes so he can change his perspective of my friend and see that they are def not a threat?! i brought up the idea of meeting again and if that will actually help him to see this person clearer and get his own impression first hand so he can understand and not just go off of his own ideas. he said yes maybe it will but that itll partly feel like a laugh in the face and i was like what?? wdym and he was like well on the off chance that you two DO end up doing things then its like a laugh in the face or whatever. im like seriouslyy. i already told him a million gazillion trillion times that we have NEVER got romantic with each other. right from the start, when we started talking it was in a friendly way and over time we became more comfortable when talking and thats how we became closer. me and him bumping into this friend at the mall coincidently before meeting irl was NOT the problem. we were ALREADY talking about hanging out for the first time. he said it feels like i would choose this friend over him if he were to walk away and i was like okay you cant give me an ultimatum like that and he was like im not! but it feels that way! i tell him i love him and MULTIPLE times he’ll be like “you better!” in a playful but serious way. like do you reallyyy seriouslyyy think that i dont?!? and last time he said that (a few days ago) i was like well do YOU love me?? and he continued to joke around and was like no no i dont love you im like omg stop lying and he stopped. i found out that his defense mechanism is that when he gets in these moods and mindset when im hanging out with my friend, he tells himself to not care about me as much bc if his fears come true then he wont feel as hurt bc he already stepped back. IT MAKES SENSE BUT ITS ALSO LIKE WHY DOES HE HAVE TO ASSUME IM DOING STUFF ALREADY LIKE WHEN WILL YOU HEAL YOUR TRAUMAS FROM YOUR EX D; WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 5 YRS. he was with his ex for like a year! i am not her. i will never do what she did.

#journal #mypost

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mjrkime · 1 year ago

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Okay, I reblogged a fair amount of nice stuff for today. Now I'm ready to endulge into my daily does of smart words. Because sometimes an unexplainable desire to sound smart takes over me and I need to let it out like a temper tantrum as a way to not let it marinade. Otherwise I might actually believe that I'm smart and bother too many people after awhile 8D

Also, coffee tastes like crap today. Coffee machines are tricky devils.

Anyway...

Idk if anyone relates to this, but I know how it feels when the only desire to have in life is a desire to not exist or just "be left alone", "be at peace". When I've been crawling through my postgraduate program in University on sheer willpower, I remember thinking how what I'm doing doesn't make sense, how anything I've ever done doesn't make sense. Back then I started to realise that the path I've tried to follow in life was never meant to be enjoyable or, most likely was never meant for me. I was waiting for happiness to finally come to me, but alas it never did. Because a) there was no foundation for it and b) there is no such thing as permanent happiness. Fortunately, I had funds to start therapy right around that time. But with all that, it became apparent to me that not only was I completely baffled by the fact that there was no tasty treat waiting for me around the corner to compensate for years of suppressing copious amounts of anger, but it also occurred to me that I never really wanted anything. As in a sense of... goals, motivations and stuff. I couldn't shut up about not being happy in life, couldn't stop complaining and whining, but when people got fed up with it and started asking me "Okay, what do you want?!" I had no direct answer. All that came to my mind was "nothing". I can't say I came over it. It feels better and people around me say that it's better, but it annoys me that I just can't rewrite certain parts of myself. There are still times when I'm angry at others for being more successful/motivated/confident/rich than me, but as I get more and more stuck up, the success of others starts mattering less and less. Except for the times when I'm knocked out with anxiety, but I know that mouthing angry words towards anyone who just happened to have what I didn't won't solve something that can't be solved. Because a lot of life is up to pure luck. I'm lucky for many reasons. It's only funny, though, how with that unexplainable line of lucky coincidences I have failed to find happiness completely. This bothers me still, sometimes more, sometimes less. Because it feels like the universe is giving me all the instruments and cringes immensely when I'm just missing the point. The universe doesn't give a crap, of course, but that's besides the point. When I'm feeling better nowadays I think about ways to discipline myself, like starting to workout again, eating better, and going for walks more often. All these things never fulfilled me because I expected them to "fix" me. There was supposed to be that one magic pill that would've changed everything. Of course there wasn't and there never will be. Getting better was always a process and I'm actually afraid to confidently say that I really got better. More or less, it just feels appropriate to think that if I'm not struggling to go over the same obstacle the way I struggled before, it might actually be better. Funny thing as well, my lifelong pattern was to rely on fictional characters for delivering me the experiences that I was gravely afraid of getting through myself. Living life felt forbidden because I felt dead and it only recently occurred to me that life just isn't fun because it doesn't look like my fantasies about it, lol. It still feels safer to live through certain experiences through fictional characters, but I certainly don't feel as detached and dissociated from my current self.

Idk where I was going with this. I guess, if you found this post and you felt something similar, hey, you're not alone. I won't sugarcoat and say that 'if I got better, you can too' as it feels like applying an additional pressure where nobody wants it. Plus, we all know that a lot of things are up to just luck and circumstances, so it's safe to say... We all might get better, we might not. It's just fucking impossible to tell what's going to happen the next day, the next week, the next year. But what really helped me to move was anger. Not a hurt self-hatred kind of anger, not a toddler tantrum kind of anger, not a misplaced hatred, but a charged response to the circumstances that's directed towards my own betterment. "How dare that arse play an instrument better than me? I'll dedicate days to get better, practice and then I'll show 'er!" . I don't know how to get into this pool of energy every time I need it. But that's what gets me into the driving mode. Good anger 8D

The only thing that remains a mystery to me is feeling shame during various social situations. I'm still very afraid of confidence and people that are extremely guarded and firm in what they believe. I don't know how to win arguments and how to not be infuriated by people not agreeing with me or disliking things that I love. Yeah, it's almost like the world doesn't revolve around me but my psyche is still on toddler level in this case. When I'm on my own it's absolutely fine, but when it's with people... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I swiftly devolve into a specific shape of immature and it doesn't ever get easier. Fuck socialising, man. If the world were to be run by machines, it would be better. Just... Let me not interact with living breathing humans when it comes to a doctor's visit or when I need to apply for a job or when I fucking want to go somewhere. I don't feel panicked during these moments, but man would it be easier if there would be just about 10000 people on earth and we all communicated through reblogs, lol.

That's it, I better stop right there otherwise it's a good chance I'll get back to the whining toddler state.

#mental health

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arlecchno · 2 years ago

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YES HELLO IM VERY HAPPY TO BE GETTING BACK TO SENDING ASKS MORE OFTEN HEHE - tbh for some reason im fairly good at manifesting dreams because ive noticed for me personally if im thinking about something a bunch before falling asleep theres a pretty big chance that , if i have a dream that night , itd be about the thing i think about , and surprise surprise .. i think about genshin a lot so ive had my fair share if genshin or genshin related dreams , in order of appearance , ive seen: xiao , thoma , childe & scaramouche , albedo & kaeya & diluc & jean , and ofc haitham and kaveh ! sometimes i think about how alhaitham would act towards me as well and , dude , i do NOT think he would tolerate my bullshit whatsoever HAHAH like maybe hed tolerate me in the beginning but once i get comfy its the end of that whole relationship because im incredibly annoying and loud .

im passionate for so many of these silly funky little shits in genshin man , all my friends know me for being a kazuha lover too 😭😭 THE FIRST TIME I WORE A RING TO SCHOOL THEY ALL JOKED ABOUT ME “finally marrying kazuha” LMFAO —

HELL YEAH VALIDATION FOR MY STUPID PORTRAYAL ‼️‼️ there was actually a part where haitham had to explain the joke to kaveh here imma type it out —

k: who are you calling a fool you scoundrel ?? also its so not true that he could beat me in a fight

and then the note from the kaveh rper: “bros DENYING it but we all know alhaitham solos”

a: once again , kaveh , denial is a river in the desert .

k: seriously i dont understand you sometimes alhaitham whatever youre trying to explain doesnt make any sense -

a: its a kind of word play , kaveh — see this is why i call you a fool — you do know what the nile river is , correct ? i wouldnt be that surprised if you didnt though .

k: i obviously know what the nile river is - I just dont understand the word play your implying [crosses his arms in "I won't stop posing like this til I get an answer”] (exact words from the kaveh LMFAO)

a: “the nile” and the word “denial” sound similar .

i was hanging on by a T H R E A D when i made haitham make that jokes because on one hand it is SO not a thing he would say but on the other … its funny . and since it was practically a crack taken serious rp i was like fuck it why not . hopefully i managed to stay in character LOL .

holding my hands out rn please diluc …. literally trading my hutao for any dilucs i can get rn HAHAH

asters name isnt even their original one lmfao , they adopted it when they settled into mond because well , cant have anyone knowing you were an ancient khaenriahn soldier yaknow . their original name (now their legal last name) is stigandr which means wanderer in old norse , and before you say anything about it , i made aster way before scara was announced playable so it is merely coincidence . the name aster was chosen for them for actually a multitude of reasons , them being that it means “star” , the fact that its a flower in mondstadt , and that i actually also used to go by that name as well !

they arent exactly besties with kaeya , infact their permanent residence is actually dawn winery so .. i imagine you know where this is going HAHAH - based off of my own personal relationship with kaeya , aster absolutely DESPISED him at first , not in any serious way but like “this bitch is annoying as hell” and its totally a slowburn friendship . when they both eventually became good enough friends , aster helped the ragbros reconcile . i like to think aster also has a sibling like relationship with diluc (hear me out , the fucking angst possibilities with this that i wont elaborate on rn , maybe later if youre interested) and is like debating on marrying kaeya platonically so that they can be legal siblings LOL

COTTON CANDY IS GREAT YESS my school sells different flavors other then the red and blue and my gods the mint and hot chocolate flavors are delicious -

we can be weird together h , because ME TOO ive been obsessed with him ever since i saw him . like at first it was gender envy and then i saw his personality and just fell immediately . heizou please marry me -

oh thats cool ! i think its nice that you finished the stuff bc now you can kinda relax in that aspect of your life right ? :D good luck with your future studies though lmfao -

OMG YOURE GONNA SAY GOODBYE TO BRICK WALL WINDOW ? congratulations !! i also have that problem with my stuff , so much of my shit has a lot of sentimental meaning and i refuse to throw them out hahah

LMAO the one inch away from going insane is so me . oof though , driving …. shivers …… i dont think id be ready to drive ever lmao ive driven , like , a go kart before (it kinda felt like a real car man .. it had doors and everything) and that was like borderline terrifying .

i meaaan .. i never said you couldnt be biased but yeah understandable ! kazuha would be a wonderful roomie . hes also one of my top candidates for if i had to room w a genshin character . the other 2 on the top 3 podium are thoma and heizou hahah - mostly heizou though , i love him and would love his opinion on my multitude of theories regarding various media , and i would totally try to get him to obsess over things with me hehe , we also have similar taste in food based off his lines lmao . anyways before i go off and write an essay on 100 reasons me and heizou are compatible together im going to cut myself off LMFAO - i do agree that even some of our favs would be absolutely insufferable to room w , i too would avoid rooming w scara unless he signed a contract not to yell or be too mean to me because like . i WOULD cry . unless we were friends beforehand i guess . same with alhaitham - like im kinda into his personality and how he wouldnt sugarcoat anything but id rather not start sobbing infront of him yknow lolol

my exploration progress is .. well not very much honestly ! ive only maxxed out one subsection of mondstadt because im just too lazy to do exploration , and no reward can get me to walk around for an extended period of time , especially because im practically blind id be walking around in circles for like 5 minutes looking for a fucking oculi that was underground and/or above me 😭😭 (this literally happened to me so many times) my story progress is decent i guess ? im slightly behind on my archon quests but thats because i want to drag my friend into commentating on it with me because its funny - im on the second act of the sumeru quests rn , the one where were psychologically abusing setaria /j my main genshin team is kaeya , albedo , xiao , and kazuha ! its not as elementally balanced as id like , but they are my sillies and dont have the heart to replace any of them yet

i hope youre day has been well too ! (even though im like pretty sure you usually respond to my asks at like 6am) id have sent my last response earlier if academics werent fucking me over so much (semi exaggeration) LMFAO

questions questions ! whats your favorite kind / flavor of chocolate ? or pastry if you dont like / cant have chocolate ? (can you tell im planning something lol .)

— jellyfish

HELLO HELLO YOU!!! i've finally got to answer your ask i'm terribly sorry that it's been a while 😢😢😢😢

i think if i had your abilities to dream about the things i think about a lot i'd be having the time of my life bro... my dreams are so random like did you know last night i dreamt about having two of my teeth fall out and how they were absolutely GINORMOUS for no reason? i woke up thinking they actually fell out and had to check myself and look around my bed to see if there were any teeth there,, truly a weird new experience/fear i will literally cry if i lose a single tooth

not the married to kazuha allegations!!!! whenever someone mentions about my kazuha obsession i'd humbly take it as both a proud moment and an embarrassment for me because yes! i love kazuha will all my heart! but am i that lonely that i resort to the comfort of a pixel character...? maybe that's why i'm a writer now /j (I'M JUST KIDDING this is how i usually view myself as a kazuha enjoyer LMAO/)

also THAT BIT OF YOUR RP TOOK ME OUT 😭😭😭😭 me and kaveh twins fr we would be SO clueless when it comes to jokes about wordplay,, even if this was a rp i think this would be canon in a modern au because i can actually see haitham as someone who can joke when he feels like it and when he does,, it's just him making this 😐 face while he explains the joke and kaveh being like 😠🤨 at first and then 😧 when he finally gets it. and then haitham is just there waiting for kaveh's foul comments and retorts.... okay i've clearly gotten ahead of myself with this LOL

please trade with your hu tao. i've been trying to pull for her but she's not even bothered to come home to me smh this is the third lantern rite yet i still don't have her 😔

and WOW!!! the depth to aster's name is honestly fascinating :0 it's nice to see that you've given them a solid background while still stringing them with the genshin lore that's just so incredible!! also them being a permanent residence of dawn winery. i can imagine the pure chaos it is getting along with ragnvindr brothers (or attempt to, at least) but their development with aster sounds great!!!! i definitely see aster being someone they'd lean to eventually. would love to see how they all first met though LMAO aster and kaeya would have so many awfully idiotic banters and diluc's just.... there watching them argue like teenagers

yes!!! finals have always been a pain for me because they're the most important part of your grade so i'm definitely relieved it's now over,, though my results weren't what i had expected i could care less at this point,, and yes unfortunately i am gonna say goodbye to my brick wall view 😔 i no longer get to enjoy the blissful view from my window, staring into the beautiful void of my neighbour's wall </3 driving is gonna be such a terrifying experience for me . let's hope i don't crash into a tree like my cousin did a few years back.... haha.....

glad we're on the same page with the roommate thing!!! i'm quite embarrassed to say that i had forgotten about thoma because.... he's literally the perfect roommate. bro's a housekeeper, he knows EVERYTHING about household stuff... and bro's a total malewife too i can't believe i didn't consider him at the time

oh i HATE when oculis are underground and you're just above thinking that it was there... sumeru is very pretty but the underground areas are such a hassle to explore smh!!!

albedo.... man i'm so upset that i still don't have him 😭 had to skip his last rerun because i have already milked all of my primos for cyno (and his weapon but,,, unfortunately elegy came home instead . two. fucking. times.) and i thought about rolling for him since there were many speculations of him having a possible rerun next patch.

i seriously believed it because khoi (albedo's eng va) was hosting the 3.5 livestream but then shenhe and ayaka suddenly appeared for the upcoming batch...???? (not to mention cyno too?!?! this dude had his banner 5 months ago!) my life literally flashed before my eyes . guess i've got to wait for the next winter patch or something for him 💔

don't worry about your team not being elementally balanced.... haha.... you should see my friendship team. i really just slap on whatever character i haven't maxxed out their friendship lvl yet and call it a day

don't worry about not sending me asks on time!!! it's important to focus on irl stuff so it's fine to do whatever. i, too, have quite been neglecting this blog this month due to personal stuff 😢😢😢 take all the time you need!

to answer your question... i don't exactly enjoy chocolate. I MEAN i like it but not for a long period of time eating it,, i'd get all queasy and shit 😭 i do enjoy milk chocolate and white chocolate though, they're the least that could make me sick

as for pastries,,, this is seriously hard considering how insanely obsessed i am with pastry goods 😔 every time i pass by a cafe or a bakery i always fight the urge to head in and buy every single pastry there is because THEY'RE ALWAYS SO GOOD!!! if i had to choose...... donuts. you can never go wrong with them . also cinnamon rolls definitely secures in second place. overall i'm just a really dedicated puff pastry enjoyer i hope i can learn how to bake one day (i tried cooking an egg and almost burnt the kitchen down)

i hope my replies this time aren't too long for you to read 😢😔 i'm making up for the times i've gone missing so if you read until here then that's nice of you,, i'm a real rambler if given the opportunity.

question!!!! what's your current favourite song :0

hope you're having a wonderful day today, don't forget to rest well 😙🪐🤍

#h answers #jellyfish <3 #hope i didn't bore you out with this

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kaylinalexanderbooks · 8 months ago

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From The Secret Portal Part Two (Ash POV)

Hannah sighed, hugging her knees. “Well, I wish you could tell me. Wish I knew sign language so you could, I mean.” She laughed. “This day took a weird turn. Funny thing is, it’s my birthday today.” Niri perked up, looking curiously at Hannah. Her posture lifted. “What?” Niri pointed at Hannah, then himself, nodding. “Is it your birthday, too?” Niri nodded. “That’s either super important or a weird coincidence.” Hannah sighed, then held out her hand. “I’m Hannah.” Niri hesitated before shaking her hand. “Well, I’m sad ‘cause I don’t know your name. How about I guess until I get it?” Niri shook his head. “What?” Hannah asked playfully. “Do you think I can’t guess it?” Niri nodded. Hannah smiled. “Well, I like a challenge, and there’s nothing better to do. Hm.” She leaned back on her hands. “Stephen.” Niri bit back a smile and shook his head. He looked thoughtful, then he put his hands together, concentrating. Hannah looked intrigued and leaned forward. “Is this a hint? You’re… praying? Jesus? Jesús? Um. Hands. Han? Sorry, I sound stu—” She cut herself off with a gasp as Niri spread his hands, revealing his name written in ice. Hannah didn’t say anything more as Niri retracted the ice. “Um. Where did you get the water?” Niri cringed before writing out the word “sweat” the same way he had his name. “You’re, like, a waterbender or something? Is that related to this?” Niri nodded, smiling giddly.

Ash is just a mere observer watching a memory so that's why she doesn't do anything.

This scene was mildly annoying to write because I didn't actually know what memory Ash was going to see. Then I didn't plan it well and had to rewrite it cause it sucked lol.

Also fun fact Niri used to be named Stephen so haha me make joke

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester

Daily Sip 3/11

You can reblog this post.

You can make your own post.

You reblog someone else's snip!

Just tag it sipofsnips so everyone can find each other. ^.-

#the secret portal #tsp #tsp excerpt #teaspoon #ash hathaway #hannah hathaway #niri shyaka #wip excerpt #sipofsnips #writing blog #writers on tumblr #writing community #writers of tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writeblr community

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loousir · 3 years ago

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[Gorgon] Some Secrets Should be Said

Gorgon Male x Unaware/Oblivious Male Reader

Eros

Warnings: Tiniest ammout of homophobia/racisim, smoochin in a supply closet, YOU MAY BE IN HIGHSCHOOL BUT YOU ARE 18

Masterlist

---------------------------------------------

It was an early Monday morning. The usual early birds were arriving at school, you being one of them. Rumor was going around of a new student getting enrolled. There were only three high schools in this small town; One for monsters, one for humans, and one for both. You were enrolled in the one that shared with monsters. The overall relations in the school were good, other than the typical high school antics.

You had just been dropped off by your sibling and we're walking into the building. A few people smiled your way and you smiled back, heading to your first hour. The teacher was a Satyr and she was a bubbly as ever, happy to see you in the morning. "Good morning (Y/n), we have a new student coming today." Your ears perked up and you looked over to her.

"Ah, we do? So the rumor was true after all?" She laughed and said, "Yes! He's gonna make a bit of history here." You became confused at her statement as you walked over to your seat. "What do you mean by that?" You asked setting your bag on the table. "I might get in a bit of trouble for telling but..." She walked over, her hooves clacking on the floor as she did. She leaned in on the table, "He will be the first Gorgon to be enrolled into the school!"

She seemed overly excited about the new student but you smiled at her enthusiasm. "You seem awfully happy about that. Is he in our class?" You asked, sitting down in your chair. Her smiled seemed to get wider as she nodded. You paused for a moment and leaned back. "Does that mean he's gonna sit by me?" She nods again. "Yep! You are the only one without a table partner. I'm sure you'll be fine. He's a nice kid." She ruffeled your hair and you swatted her hands away. "Auntie, you know I'm taken right?" She isn't your biological aunt but she's very close with your mom so you call her it for fun.

She laughed and walked away saying, "He's a cute one." You sighed and rolled your eyes as you pulled out your phone. You opened Snapchat and sent a message to your boyfriend.

You took a cute selfie, looking down at the phone while your forehead rested on the table.

Aunties super excited about our new student.

Ngl, I kinda am too. She said he was a Gorgon and I think she's onto my facination with cute snakes xx

You sent the snap and put your phone face down on the table before resting your face on your bag. A minute or so passed before you got a message back.

It was a black screen but he usually sent one. Admittedly, you have never seen him but you respected that since you fell in love with his personality, which was charming as ever.

Don't go cheating on me now ;)

I might just have to show you I'm cuter xx

You smiled and took another selfie.

So that means I get to see you then??? Game on babe xx

You smiled as you sent it. Yeah, it was cheesy flirting but it made you happy none the less. A few seconds later he messaged back with another black screen.

Hmm, I just might lol

You sent that you love him too and put your phone in your pocket. Smiling slightly as you looked up to see that some other students were starting to show up. Soon enough, the first bell for class to start rings and students filter in, taking their seats. Five minutes later, you still haven't seen a certain Gorgon as the final bell rings, saying anyone who wasn't there was late.

Gotta get to class, message you when I can

Love you xx

Mrs. Hucksburry stood at the front of the class, writing some last minute things on the board. "Alright class," Most of the students quiet down at her words. "As you may have heard, we have a new student today! I want you to treat him with respect as he is one of us," She said referring to her fellow monsters. "He is the first of his kind to be enrolled into our schools system." Right as she finished speaking, the door opened to show a rather handsome face and a the obvious 'hair' that came in the shape of several small, darkly colored snakes that seemed to form some sort of style.

He wore rather nice and stylish clothes, very 90's -esk. Mrs. Hucksburry smiled more and looked over to him. "Good morning Mr. Lamollot, glad to see you made your way here." He smiles a cute and almost shy smile, making a pair of girls in class giggle. You watched and tuned out what they were saying before seeing he was looking at you.

You waved to him as he walked over to your table. "I'm guessing you're (Y/n)?" You smiled and nodded, "That'd be me." You put your bag on the floor next to the table and he quietly sat down next to you. "I'm Eros by the way." He was quiet when he spoke as class had officially started. You pulled out a notebook with a pen/pencil and made a message page.

You have the same name as my boyfriend!

You tore the paper out and slid it over to him while he was getting his own notebook and pen. Notes were handwritten on the board since the projector broke and hadn't been replaced yet but no one seemed to mind. The paper was slid back over to you.

Really? What are the chances of that?

His hand writing was nice for a boy and you looked out of the corner of your eye to see him smiling. You smiled too and wrote back.

Who knows but I think it's cool

You slid the paper back and he took a minute to slide it back but you patiently waited since you would have done the same. He didn't write anything on it.

You seem pretty chill Eros, wanna hang out at lunch? Also can I see your schedule? • 3 •

The paper was passed back for the fifth time during class and all it said was his schedule along with a "Sure!" underneath. You told him that the two of you share the same schedule. WhAt A cOiNcIdEnCe.

You looked over to him to see him looking at the paper. He looked up to you and you smiled. Eros smiled back and took the paper to ask.

Do you have early release too?

You read it as he wrote and he looked up to you. You nodded and he wrote again.

Wanna go chill at the park?

You shrugged and nodded again when he looked up to you. He smiled and nodded as the two of you went back to working on class work. You hadn't noticed it before but, his snakes seemed to be interested in you, which you thought was cute.

--- Skip to Break ---

An hour and a half had passed and the two of you had talked a bit throughout the time. The bell for break just rang and you got up with Eros. The two of you walked out to the hallway. "Let me make a stop by my locker real quick then we can go to next hour and chill there for break." He nodded and leaned against the locker next to you when two girls walked up to him. They were the same pair from first hour.

"Hey Eros, wanna hang with us at lunch?" The "leader" asked, standing in front of him. "Yeah that'd be like, totally cool if you did." Her buddy said, standing next to him. "Oh, sorry, me and (Y/n) al-" She cut him off with a scoff. "Oh you mean halfie? That kids got an imaginary boyfriend. How about you just ditch him and come eat with us." Eros looked over to you to see you had tensed and slowed your movements.

The girls focus turned on you, making you bite your lip. "Do you think you could not ruin this guy? He's like, super hot and doesn't need to be tainted by you." You looked away and felt a vibration come from your phone. You took the chance and opened it to see a message from your boyfriend. She smirked, "Did your 'boyfriend' text you? What'd he say?" She asked in a taunting tone.

You ignored her and opened the message. It was a new picture of the "super hot" guy standing next to you looking down to his phone.

Wanna dip babe?

These bitches are annoying the fuck outta me lol

The three of you looked up to him surprised as you closed your locker. He awkwardly smiled and said, "Guess I had to ruin that surprise cause some bimbos wanna fuck a gay guy." He laughed and walked over to you, grabbing your hand. You were speechless.

How did I not connect the dots earlier? Am I really that dense?

"It's a shame too. I was considering being friends, until you insulted my boyfriend, that is." He locked your fingers and looked back at the two. "Go suck a dildo, whore." Eros flipped them off and walked off with you around the corner, looking for a private spot. "Anywhere there won't be eavesdroppers?" He asked quietly. You nodded and lead him to a back room.

You opened the door with the key you had and let you go in first. The room was pretty nice considering it was useless. You turned on the light at set your bag down, Eros doing the same. "Are you really my boyfriend?" You asked stepping closer to him. He blushed and nodded, "I... I think so... I kind of ruined the supr-mm!" His eyes widened as you connected your lips to his. You pulled away and were about to speak when he connected them again, pressing his body into yours slightly.

He pulled away and you smiled, a blush was covering your face. "I've wanted to do that for so long." You said looking up to him slightly. "Me too." He said, hugging you close. "Why did you lie to me about being human?" You asked, resting your face on his chest. "I was... Scared of how you'd react if I told you the truth." You pulled away and looked up to him. "Are you kidding? Look what I was missing out on!" You said, making gestures to him.

Eros smiled and laughed. "I have a question for you though," You tilted your head slightly. "Why did they call you halfie?" You looked away and brushed back the hair around your ears. The tips of them were pointed much like an elf's but not as long. "My dads an elf. They like to use it as an insult since they're full and I'm not..."

Eros smiled again and nuzzled his nose to the crook of your neck. His snakes were gently booping their noses against your cheek as if giving you small kisses. You giggled at the sensation and he hummed to ask what was so funny. "Your snakes are cute." You said gently intertwining your fingers with them. He gently kissed your neck and rubbed your sides. "Well, they love you just as much as I love you." He said closing his eyes and hugging you.

You smiled and removed your hand to cup his cheek and make him look at you. His golden eyes were half lidded as he did. "Well," You said almost mocking him in away. "I love you and your snakes too." His eyes closed as he leaned in and yours did the same, both of your lips connecting again.

Eros pressed himself into you as both of you kissed. You pulled away first for air and he kissed your cheek and jaw lightly. You checked your phone when he pulled away he asked. "I'm curious how you got a key to a janitors closet." You leaned up to him and kissed his cheek. "My biological uncles the principal and he gave me the room to chill if I need to. It's usually where I would hang out for lunch but I dont really need to anymore since early release and all."

He "ooh'd" and nodded. "Makes sense. Wish I had a place like this at my old school." He looked back at you and his eyes went to your hair while you were checking something on your phone. Eros almost hesitantly brushed his fingers through your (h/c) hair. You jumped slightly at the sudden touch but enjoyed it none the less. "We have 4 minutes by the way." You said closing your eyes and leaning into his hand.

"Your hair is really nice. It's so soft." He smiled when you did and he gently kissed your nose while removing his hand from your hair. You tried your best to make it look like how it did before. "Sorry." He said gently with a small laugh. "Don't be, let's head to next hour so we can get this day done with and hang out." He nodded at your words and you grabbed his hand as the two of you grabbed your bags and quietly made it to the class you're meant to be in.

--- Skip to End of Day ---

The last two hours of school they had went by pretty quickly. The bell for lunch and early release seniors rang, making most people rush to leave or go to lunch. You and Eros lagged behind, waiting for the halls to clear a bit. He gently grabbed your hand as you finished putting your bag on. "Do you wanna go to the park or my house? I have a car so it doesn't matter too much on which you pick." He said with a small laugh.

You blushed and shrugged, "I would probably like your house since it's kinda cold out right now..." The two of you walked out of the class, hand in hand. The pair of girls from earlier watched with hatred/jealousy as the two of them walked out together. They were all going the same way so they got to see Eros walk you to his 1969 Blue Camaro.

Eros unlocked the car and opened the passenger door for you to get in to which you gladly accepted. You set your bag down by your feet and buckled as he set his bag in the back and got in. "I hope my dad isn't home." He said closing his door and starting the car. "Why do you say that?" You asked as he buckled his seat belt.

He sighed and leaned back on his seat. "He doesn't actually know we're... Y'know, dating. Or if he does he has no clue you're a guy..." You nodded and looked to him while he backed out from the parking lot. "We can still go to the park. I'll survive I'm sure." You said softly. "Plus I kinda wanna wear your jacket..." You mumbled the last part while looking away but he heard and smiled, acting as if he didn't hear.

"There's one close to my house we can go to. It's pretty cool if you wanna go there." Eros said while stopping at a light. "That sounds good." He smiled again and looked over to you before looking back at the light. Seeing it change to green, he stepped on the gas again and headed to the destination.

---

The ride was comfortably quiet other than the occasional comment about something in the passing scenery. "Ok, we're here." Eros said, parking his car in the relatively empty parking lot. "I've never seen this place before. It's really pretty." You said as the two of you stepped out.

"Yeah. It's pretty quiet here. I usually hang out here after school. I have never been home "on time" since I got a car 3-ish years ago." You smiled and held his hand as he locked the car and put the keys away. "I'll take you to my favorite spot. There's all kinds of secret areas thanks to the trees." He said with a slight child like glee. You giggled like the school boy that you are as he dragged you along through a beautiful walkway that was shaded by the trees. "Gods it's so pretty here." You said under your breath.

You walked for what felt like forever before he shifted to stand behind you, wrapping an arm around your waist. He removed his hand to show one of the few non blank pictures he sent. "Oh wow." The winter sun was shining over the neighboring town, giving a good idea of just how small it was. "We have a cliff?" You asked suddenly, making Eros laugh and hug you close to his body.

Eros smiled as he took a turn off the path and up a small hill. He stopped and gently let go of your hand, covering your eyes. You reached up to remove his hand but he stopped you. "W-what are you doing Eros?" He giggled and started walking, making you grab onto him afraid of running into something. "Eros?!"

"Don't worry babe. I promise it's nothing bad. I know you'll like it."

"Kinda crazy right?" He said before resting his chin on your shoulder. You nodded as his snakes gently booped you're temple and cheek again, making you smile. You reached up and gently placed a hand on Eros' cheek, rubbing your thumb against his jawline. "Wanna sit down? I have two and a half hours before I have to be home." You nodded again and he pulled away, leading you over to a fairly large tree.

He took off his jacket and tossed it up onto a branch before jumping into the tree himself. You were surprised before he reached down to help you up. "C'mon, it'll give us some privacy just incase anyone comes over here." You somewhat hesitantly took his hand and he helped pull you up onto the thick tree branch. He leaned back against the trees core, letting his legs hang down and inviting you to do the same against him.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence again while he hugged you close, resting his head against your shoulder. "I love you. A lot." He mumbled softly into your ear. You smiled and held onto the top of his hand that was holding onto your stomach. "I love you a lot too." You mumbled back. "Oh and, do you wanna wear my jacket now? I noticed you were shivering ever since we started walking."

You blushed and looked down to the tree branch and ground below it. "I didn't think you heard me say that..." He giggled and leaned forward a bit, grabbing the jacket off the branch it was hooked on to. You moved forward and he helped you put the slightly bigger jacket on. You snuggled into the lingering warmth, taking in his soft cologne.

"Your jacket smells good babe." Eros chuckles and pulls you against his chest again. "Well, it's got my favorite cologne on it so if course it smells good." You smile and let your head fall back against his shoulder and he kissed your temple.

"So. Do you wanna explain yourself a bit?"

-----

3261

Minimal spell/grammar checking, also set up for a part 2?

#mxm #monster x male reader #male monster x reader #x male reader #monster male x male reader #monster male #oneshot

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heytheredeann · 3 years ago

Note

Since there're a lot of AUs all around, how 'bout this: TMFU Witcher AU where Illya's the witcher and Napoleon's his bard (or feel free to make it the other way around, if you like it better). Do you have any headcanons/ideas, pls? Thnx.

LOOOL yes yes thank you, I love coming up with thoughts for AUs. Honestly, both possibilities are great, so you are getting both LOL

Witcher!Illya + bard!Napoleon thoughts:

Napoleon is a lover of the arts and adventure, he likes travelling around to share his music and to meet new people and to just be free to explore as much of life as he can. He’s actually very popular, because he’s great at his job and he’s too charming for his own good. He likes meeting people and having some company, but he maintains that he travels better alone;

Illya is a witcher with a strong sense of Duty and Dedication to his job, going around the Continent chasing monsters and trying not to get killed. It gets pretty lonely but he maintains that he works better alone anyway;

the first time they meet it’s because Napoleon happens to be in a town where some major monster disaster happens. He sees Illya doing some dangerous stunt and he’s like “Immediately I love him”;

it’s not that Napoleon is prone to bad decision making okay. and he isn’t reckless or “out of his mind” as some people very rudely put it. it’s just that the witcher is really handsome and he probably has seen so much cool shit and look Napoleon is pretty sure that the guy needs someone to lighten his mood, look at him. And since said witcher just saved his life with his daring heroics it only stands to reason that he would offer him a drink, right? And if he can use that as an excuse to convince Mr Handsome Witcher to let him travel with him for a little bit... he isn’t going to complain;

one thing that I think fits Illya very well about witchers is that people would probably be afraid of and intimidated by him (not knowing that he is actually a cupcake, of course), which I think is the case in the movie too. He doesn’t want to be scary, but it’s not like he can keep people from reacting Like That to him. And then some random bard slides in the seat next to him and offers him a drink;

look, Illya doesn’t need company. If anything, this is probably going to be an annoyance. He can’t be responsible for some bard trailing after him. Yet, Napoleon doesn’t seem at all intimidated by him, he annoys him into telling him where he’s going next, very theatrically goes “OH what a COINCIDENCE, I’m going there too!” and Illya has had a long day, he isn’t going to argue with him. He is probably going to realize that trailing after a witcher is no fun soon enough anyway;

cut to like two days later and Illya is like “I’ve only had my bard for two days and a half, and he’s been annoying me for most of this time, but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself”;

this scenario would include:

probably Napoleon having a crisis at some point, because he only meant to hang around Illya for a bit, get some cool stories out of it, and then he blinked and he found himself extremely attached, oh no;

Napoleon singing annoying little tunes when he is pissed at Illya;

Illya bodily throwing Napoleon into a river, clothes and all, when he keeps complaining about needing a bath and he starts singing one of the aforementioned annoying little tunes about it;

Napoleon making up very unflattering songs about people that are mean to Illya and being a complete uncaring little shit that smiles very innocently when these people then get mad at him (“Oh my, but it was all in good fun, sir, I never meant to offend!” is a phrase that usually preceeds Illya breaking up a brawl);

the funny thing about Napoleon is that he starts so many brawls and yet he seems to always somehow slip out of them unscathed, or mostly unscathed anyway. Illya finds it a little irritating and extremely endearing;

Illya being very protective of his tiny bard and looming over people to show it. Napoleon loves it, 10/10;

a lot of arguing about whether Napoleon is, in fact, tiny or not. Napoleon insists he’s not, he towers over most people, why is this even an argument?! Illya just picks him up like he weights nothing, throws him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and walks away;

Napoleon getting drunk and getting super emotional about Illya spending his life fighting terrible evil monsters and always trying so hard for everyone and people thinking he’s scary too while he’s actually all soft and mushy inside and he should get hugs. He tries to turn it into a song but he keeps forgetting the melody and sobbing mid-lines. Illya ends up half-carrying him to their room while pretending not to be extremely touched;

Napoleon annoying Illya into getting a day off every now and then, so that he can relax and enjoy himself for a change. There’s a lot of playing Gwent involved, which Illya is actually extremely good at, much to Napoleon’s frustration (though Illya looking all smug is still very cute).

Bard!Illya + witcher!Napoleon thoughts:

I know that this one is not the immediate combination that comes to mind but hear me out. Napoleon is a witcher, coping with his pretty horrific past and life through humour and trying to retain some agency in his life by enjoying nice things (such as buying nice clothes for instance) even though he pretty much has an obligated path;

Illya is a shy awkward bard who actually sings and plays really well, people do love listening to him, but when it comes to the public relations part of the job? Terrible. He hates it. He just plays and disappears as quickly as possible;

Napoleon actually sees him making an awkward and fairly rude exit when there are some women fawning over him, and he’s like “woof, what an asshole”, even though he did spend the entire performance being Very Interested, obviously;

when Napoleon gets back to travelling guess whom he finds heading in the exact same direction, though on foot? But the bard from before, obviously. Now, could Napoleon just pass him by and go his own merry way? Of course he could. Is he going to? Nah;

as it turns out, bantering with the bard is surprisingly fun, and he has a really nice smile. Napoleon low-key wants to keep him;

Illya finds that he minds the company a lot less than he would have guessed: Napoleon is fun and once they get in the next town he also finds out that he’s a magnet for social interaction and that Illya can just stay there a little to the side and the People(TM) are suddenly not his problem. immaculate. So when Napoleon finds that he has a contract around there and says goodbye to him, expecting him to go mind his own business and proceed to the next town because he hadn’t meant to stop there to begin with, Illya just... figures he should wait. at least to see if he makes it out okay;

Napoleon does make it out okay and he’s also extremely touched and delighted that Illya waited for him. At this point, it stands to reason that they would travel together to the next town over;

this scenario would include:

Napoleon discovering that Illya is actually very nice and soft and revelling in how kind he is to him, it makes him feel loved;

Illya singing to him to make him feel better when Napoleon gets injured;

Napoleon getting drunk and dancing to Illya’s songs when he’s performing. He usually manages to charm people out of being too scared of him, but let’s just say that no one in that entire town can take him seriously anyway after that. Illya finds it extremely adorable;

Illya purposefully getting monster facts wrong in the first drafts of his songs because Napoleon is a monster lore nerd and it’s fun to see him go on long tangets about how aCTUALLY-;

Napoleon doing stuff like really casually and noisily cleaning his swords in a corner when people are being mean to Illya. When said people turn to him he just smiles innocently and stares until they get the message;

Illya being very reasonable about Napoleon’s requests NOT to follow him on hunts: he is not a witcher and he doesn’t want to make his job harder of course, so he will stay away, where it’s safe. Except if Napoleon is like five minutes late compared to the estimate he gave him Illya just grabs his stuff and goes looking for him. Usually Napoleon is fine and complains to him that the job sometimes requires IMPROVISATION and that if he’s a little late it doesn’t mean he’s DYING, but Illya is just like *shrug* “Until the day it does mean you are dying”;

big scary witcher Napoleon being the little spoon. Illya just really wants to cuddle and protect him from the world.

#asfghjkl if you can't tell by the lenght i had a lot of fun with this thank you #napollya #napoleon x illya #illya x napoleon #the man from uncle #tmfu #not spn #ely replies #anon #my headcanon #tmfu witcher au

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downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 4 years ago

Text

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 5)

[Donnie x fem reader]

sfw, chapt. 4 here

Just as Donnie had predicted, the night air was cold on his scales. Right upon leaving, Mikey brought up to Leo going in pairs this time, to cover more ground, he said. An extra thorough patrol. Donnie honestly couldn't make up his mind and so by then he was flying by the seat of his pants, not objecting to Mikey's plan, but also not agreeing. He doubted Leo would be convinced, anyway. They didn't do duo patrols that often.

"I was thinking we could split up this time, you know, me and Donnie, you and Raph?" suggested Mikey, closing the manhole behind himself.

"I thought you liked it when we're all together," Leo commented.

Donnie shot Mikey a look, trying to tell him to cool it, but he shrugged, "Come on, it'll be like some kind of training or...something," Mikey went behind Leo and shook his shoulders, "aren't you into that?"

Internally, Donnie facepalmed. Unless he actively tried to stop this, it was going to happen, wasn't it? One way or another, probably; it all depended on how Leo was feeling that night. Raph was indifferent. He didn't care whether they were all together or in pairs, just that he got to flex his combat skills some. If he could, he'd go out and do it on his own, even.

Leo looked around, considering Mikey's suggestion. "Okay," he agreed, eventually. "You and Donnie take East, Raph and I will cover the usual route and then—"

"No," Mikey interjected. Both Leo and Raph's brows furrowed as they stared at their brother. He motioned toward Donnie, "Me and Donnie can take that, you guys just go on ahead," he smiled. "You know I like checking out the skatepark!"

"No skating," Leo said.

"I'll just watch whoever's there, then." He pouted.

Raph snorted. "Yeah, make sure he actually pays attention, Donnie."

"As usual," Donnie sighed, and looked at Leo.

"Well, what do you think, Don?"

The decision is up to me?

Turns out it was his all along, but he wanted to feign innocence in saying that Mikey was the one to drag him through it. Easier to not take responsibility and let life happen at you rather than making a conscious effort, at times.

"I guess we can do that," Donnie answered reluctantly. He could have said no. Why didn't he? In the corner of his eye, he saw Mikey beam, giving him a discreet thumbs up.

"Alright, meet back here by four AM, and if either of you run into big trouble, call. We'll come," Leo said. "Same for us."

"Yeah, we'll holler for ya," added Raph dismissively. "And nah, a big dog doesn't count as trouble, Mikey." He sounded gruff, but in actuality, he was still chuckling to himself over that years later. After they got over being annoyed that he had called them from that far while they were on a supply run. Chased by a junkyard dog—some of their least favorite parts about visiting those places.

"Hey, it was mean! And way fast!" Mikey protested as they parted ways, them taking to the East and red and blue the opposite way.

As per course, Donnie and Mikey took their normal route, and his heart skipped a beat when they met the scene of their last run-in with criminals. Not because of them, no, but because of the familiar apartment building that was now more intimidating than he'd expected. They circled the area like they normally would have, but Mikey came to stop them on a roof just opposite of the complex, eyes searching each window. Obscured by the height of the building, he sat on the edge.

Donnie didn't know what to do with himself. He stood back a good ten feet, somehow paranoid of being spotted even though he knew it was not possible from their angle in the complex. Mikey was comfortable, and weirdly at peace as he sat there quietly on the edge, assumed to be waiting for his brother to make a move. But Donnie was stuck in place.

"What are you waiting for, D?"

The sudden question broke him from his stillness. It was true; he didn't know what he was waiting for.

"I—I don't know what you want me to do, what are you thinking?" Donnie asked in return, stepping back a little further as he noticed movement behind the curtains of a lit window.

"Get your phone out and talk to her," Mikey told him, waving his hand at the apartments. "What did we come out here for if you aren't gonna make it right, bro? Do some smooth talk, tell her you're sorry and you wanna get to know her better…"

"This is absolutely a ridiculous plan," Donnie said, though as if his hands had thought of their own, they reached for his phone, and a moment later he was looking at the messages. Still nothing. Radio silence on both of their ends. How would he approach it? "I'm sorry I went from hot to cold so fast. Please talk to me again." Too strong. "Sorry, can we get a redo?" Too casual. "I'd like to apologise for being a jerk." Okay, that's just not good. Reconciling was going to be as difficult as he'd thought it would be.

Mikey came over and looked at his phone screen and his brother floundering, thumbs stuttering across the keyboard, deleting the text, retyping it over and over again for perfection where he wasn't going to find any–

"I got this, let Love Doctor Mikey handle it," he said, taking the phone right from Donnie's hand.

"You've never been in a relationship, not even talked to anyone, how would you—"

Mikey shushed him. Donnie was going to snatch the phone away but he spun around, draping himself over his shoulder. "Just let me work my magic, dude!"

Donnie couldn't watch; he had to turn away. How sure he was that Mikey was going to say something uncalled for, something weird or bone-headed, and the wait was killing him. What if she didn't even respond? Was that better than doing damage control for Mikey's shenanigans? For someone usually decisive, he could not for the life of him make up his mind about what he wanted at that very instance.

The phone vibrated.

Mikey cheered. "Got her on the line, now you just gotta reel 'em in," he grinned, handing the phone back to Donnie.

"Hey :/

I thought you wanted to stop?"

Mikey kept trying to lean over to catch a glimpse of the screen, but Donnie felt that it was a personal moment, so without skipping a beat, he activated the electric current in his staff and poked it behind him into his brother's plastron.

"Fine," Mikey whined. He stepped in one last time, "But don't hold out on me here!"

Trying to find an graceful way to patch this all up, Donnie replied:

"I apologise for that, and I know you probably want an explanation, but it's hard to explain

Moment of weakness?

I guess...

Anyway. I'm not expecting you to suddenly be cool with it, if you don't want to talk to me I understand

Sorry."

Mikey noticed Donnie's dismal expression and he mellowed out accordingly, standing close but not putting a hand on him, nor saying anything. He didn't watch the phone, but Donnie's face and slumped shoulders. He'd thought it would have been going better by now.

"I won't lie, I'm still confused

But if you're going through something, I'm right here for you

Don't worry about it. Just don't give me a spook like that again, I thought it was me

lol

Okay it's not funny but this is a little awkward"

Donnie's heart sank reading that. He'd made her feel bad, even question herself over his problem. Never had he wanted to make her think it was her that drove him off.

"No, no, it was never you

Again, I can't really explain…

Is it okay if we just try this again?

I understand if not."

"Jeez Bo, I already said it's alright

I WANT to keep talking to you, you're cool

So let's forget about it, yeah?

Friends again :) "

And like that, his heart took a leap. A smile slowly spread across his face, and without looking away from the screen, grabbed Mikey by the shell, pulling him toward. "Look at this!" he exclaimed.

"You see it too?" he quirked, pointing at the apartment complex across the road.

Donnie paused and looked over his shoulder at him, "What?"

On one of the balconies sat a lone girl, on her phone, and if Mikey looked hard enough, he could see a smile. Definitely a smile.

"Ah!" yelped Donnie quietly. He scurried back against the wall of the attached building behind him, as far as he could.

"Dude! Come on, this is perfect!" Mikey nudged him, and when he didn't hop up onto his feet, dragged his brother near the edge of the roof. Donnie was boneless but unwilling, his mind stuck on the fact that she thought he was cool. Him, cool. Was he? She didn't know even the half of it. She didn't know he was a martial artist, technically a genius, and that he'd gone against some of the worst the city had to offer. And without that, she still thought he was cool, as an average guy.

As average as what my circumstances will allow me to be.

Feet dragging all the way, Donnie's stomach did a flip as they met the ledge, peering carefully over it in a crouch. They were prone, watching the girl who was completely unaware of their presence. He was, simply put, enraptured, for a second there, studying her features as much as he could from where they were. The details of her face were not distinct due to the distance, but he could tell she was both nothing like he'd imagined and so much more. For once, he didn't immediately question the validity of the situation; there was no "it could be a coincidence", or "it's too unlikely that she would be out just as they were". Not right away. But it hit him when Mikey spoke.

"You're so lucky, D," he said wistfully. "Really." Head rested on his forearm, his gaze fell on not one thing, but the whole scene, a somber smile gracing him. He was excited, happy for his brother. But deep down, Donnie knew that though Mikey wasn't envious of him in a resentful way, it had to have stung to witness such a thing unfold for someone not himself. Their youngest had always craved connection the most. He looked away from the girl, "I wasn't gonna let you throw away an awesome chance, was I?"

Releasing a heavy breath, Donnie crawled away from the edge, but his eyes remained on that balcony. It was weird to watch someone who didn't know they were being watched. Not in that context.

"I...guess I may be," Donnie responded. But it would only get more complicated from there. His phone vibrated, breaking his trance, and the message he found read:

"Anyways, with that out of the way, what are you doing?"

Just watching you from a roof, nothing much, Donnie thought.

"Currently out enjoying the night"

"Isn't it kinda cold?"

"What about you?"

He knew what he meant, because he was there watching her as a chilled breeze rolled through, but she told him she wasn't doing anything. Only relaxing and talking to him.

It took him a few minutes to get his bearings. To know that he now had tangible evidence that she was a girl, an ordinary person, and that said person really thought he was cool. Worth the effort. He felt exceedingly difficult for not being able to give her a rightful explanation, but comforted by the fact that he wasn't being demanded of one. He felt light. Almost weightless, with Mikey next to him instead of his other cynical, skeptical brothers. For a moment, he had nothing to worry about.

From across the roof, he could still see the yawn escape her mouth. Probably an indicator that it was time to wrap things up. He didn't want her to stay up too late; it was already odd that she was up at such an hour, almost two AM, but glad nonetheless.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah

I think I'm gonna hit the hay

So goodnight, Bo

Talk to you later (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞"

She got up, leaning on the railing which faced them.

"I want to stay up with you but—"

Donnie sucked in a sharp breath as she looked up, just barely able to see from underneath the balcony above her. He snagged the strap on Mikey's shell and yanked him back with him away from the edge of the roof, taking cover behind the wall.

"Shit," hissed Donnie, "do you think she saw us?"

These shells, they make us look so big!

"Relax, bro, even if she did, it was only a little bit. Besides, we could be anyone from this far, they don't have pigeon vision."

"You mean 'eagle vision'?"

"They're both birds!"

Donnie deadpanned and peeked over the wall. She'd gone in. Three minutes later, he hadn't gotten any texts yet about something weird on the rooftops, so he could finally relax, groaning lightly. "Too close," he breathed out, "Mikey, we need to go, Leo's going to notice we're not back in time if we don't hurry up and get the rest of this route done."

"Already on it," he whooped, vaulting onto the next roof.

As Donnie was scaling the wall of the attached building, he felt his phone vibrate, and curious, he checked it one last time before getting on his way.

"One question before I go

You ever see stuff you can't explain but even if you did you'd sound crazy?"

Oh, no.

"No, I don't."

Chapter 6

#donatello x reader #tmnt donnie #tmnt fanfiction #donnie x reader #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2016 #tmnt 2014 #tmnt bayverse #donatello #leonardo #raphael #michelangelo #fanfiction #leo #donnie #raph #mikey #tmnt

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bistaxx · 4 years ago

Text

Observations and discussion- the 11/29 streams

Part 1 George’s stream| Part 2 Tubbo’s stream ( will be linked when it’s done )

George logs onto the SMP because his chat was freaking out about his home.

Dream tells George to not worry and tells him to not look at his now burnt home.

George already heard that Tommy was the one who torched his house from chat but the first SMP member he actually hears it from is Karl.

I don’t remember if Quackity knew it was Tommy or not but when he follows George to his house Quackity never blames Tommy and tries to convince George that it was BBH and Skeppy because of that one sign Tommy (I think) placed. ( Though I think this is most likely because Quackity likes trolling BBH. )

After Quackity leaves the VC Karl immediately starts complaining about Tommy’s actions to George ( and Ranboo but mostly Tommy. )

Karl advices George to not fix his house immediately, and tells him to “harp on it”. ( To me this feels like Karl trying to rile George up and get him even angrier at Tommy. )

Continued under the read more

( Karl is an interesting character in this plot. He tends to be overlooked and he’s very aware of that: it annoys him but he also uses it to his advantage. He is both clever and very blatant with his power hungry tendencies: he doesn’t immediately try to obtain the highest levels of power and instead is trying to climb the political latter one step at a time. He’s not at all subtle about it but because he’s Karl and people underestimate him he can get away with it. )

( We we’re all out here going: Fundy betrayal arc, Quackity corruption arc, Tommy villian arc and ended up forgetting about a possible Karl arc lol )

Karl is the one who suggests George talks to Tubbo about Tommy’s behavior and flat out says “Tommy is the vice president I think we need to overthrow him and... I don’t know who the Vice Vice President is but whoever is just needs to step up and become the Vice President... That’s just my opinion though.”

( FYI: Karl pressured Tubbo into naming him vice vice president. )

Karl keeps on attempting to make the V.V.P look better to George who is focusing on rebuilding and doesn’t seem to care about what Karl is saying. Karl also wants George to leave the mess as is to provide proof for Tubbo but George once again ignores him.

They join VC5 but Tubbo gets overwhelmed by all the talking and moves into VC6 with Quackity.

Karl informs George about Dream’s wall and speculates that Dream did it for George.

The King flat out admits that he doesn’t understand politics ( lol )

George initially agrees with the wall but Karl keeps on pushing for a change in power instead.

Tommy joins and George accuses him, Tommy denies the claim but Karl doesn’t believe him. When George considers that Tommy might be telling the truth Karl says that Tommy is lying.

“What do I get out of lying to you George?” ( Now Karl isn’t lying to George but I find this line interesting because it’s VERY clear what Karl could get and has been pushing for this whole conversation. )

Karl hits the nail half on the head. “Listen, here’s what it is. It’s two people that are just obsessed with power: Tommy and Dream... They are using the ashes of your house as a political statement.”

( Now I say half because Tommy isn’t interested in political gain or political control, he just wants his discs back... now Dream. I was actually writing a draft about this but never finished so I’m just gonna say my own thoughts here: Dream has been looking for an opportunity to make his move and Tommy attacking George, the king of the SMP, was exactly what he needed. He could’ve just punished Tommy but instead he targeted all of L’manberg because he knew that 1.) they are in not in ANY position to fight back against him right now and 2.) Tommy would face major consequence for what was essentially a small prank that was fixed in like less then 10 minutes. To quote Tommy “It was the perfect crime.” )

( Also no one confronted Dream about him burning Manifold Land and that upsets me! >:( Jack Manifold deserves better!!! )

George travels to L’Manburg and finds Dream. Dream informs George that it was Tommy who burned George’s home and since George is the King it would be considered a very big offense. So Dream decided to make his move and boarded up L’manburg to pressure Tubbo and the rest of the cabinet into punishing Tommy. Karl agrees with the idea of punishing Tommy.

Dream tells George not to worry about it again, George asks Dream where he got all the obsidian from and Dream refuses to give a straight answer aside from “Not from creative mode.” ( I’m pretty sure Dream took it from Fundy... interesting that he doesn’t want George to know about that. Does George even know that Fundy is engaged with Dream? )

Dream continues to try and keep George out of the situation meanwhile Karl switches his target over to Dream asking if Tommy should step down as VP to which Dream agrees but also adds that it isn’t enough. Karl also asks if the V.V.P should step up and become VP to which Dream shrugs “ I guess...”, Karl latches onto this as his official endorsement and runs off.

( I’ll talk more about this later but I when I watching Tubbo’s stream I got this overwhelming feeling that Dream is trying to separate Tommy and Tubbo or at least drive a wedge in their bond. )

George expresses concern that the wall wont be enough, Dream once again stresses that he is handling the situation. Dream says “Do you see how much I’ve already done for you... trust me.” and leaves shortly after it. ( It almost feels like a parent talking to a child; a bit of a patronizing energy from Dream to George. Dream wants George to stay neutral and stay out of conflict but recently it seems like George has been wanting to get more involved- just a tiny bit. )

George however stills feels uncertain about the wall, Karl argues that it’s a step in the right direction “it sets up a precedent.” and while George agrees he still doesn’t see how it’ll help in the long run while Karl continues to drag Tommy.

George and Karl join the L’manbergian VC and they argue for a bit before the cabinet move to a new VC without George... and Karl which infuriates him.

Karl vents his frustrations to George about being treated like a second class citizen despite his status as a member of the government.

Karl sulks and George legitimately feels bad for him.

Dream whispers to George to get out of the borders, George asks if Karl should come with them and if he’s gonna hurt the L’manburgians. Dream just says for George to stay away from the conflict and remain neutral

( I saw someone else bring this up before but Dream seems to stick around ‘neutral’ people: George being the obvious one, Callahan being appointed the royal squire, that one time he told Purpled of all people to stay away from Manberg before the war, and last night when Dream was trailing after Puffy who has recently been feeling conflicted about her place in the SMP. I can’t tell how much of it is Dream genuinely caring and how much of it is just him wanting easy people to control and use. )

Karl talks about going “back to the grind” and George, somewhat cautiously, says that Karl should “just get out of here.” ( here being L’manberg )

George gets out of L’manberg but quickly hops back in to watch the discussion between the cabinet members but since he can’t hear anything he leaves- not wanting anything to do with a possible war.

( Which is probably what Dream wants George to do- stay out of it and let Dream handle it. )

Karl continues to vent about not being respected and George sympathetically listens

George stumbles upon the L’mantree, this prompts Karl to say “I’m not telling you to, because I’m the vice vice president and the only reason I’m letting this slip is because they’re being mean to me,... but that tree is very important to them I’m just saying.”

George comments about how interesting it would be if something were to happen to that tree. Karl eggs George on to do something but George gets distracted by Dream.

Karl gives George 24 blocks of obsidian, Karl continues to talk about how disrespectful it was of the others to not include him in the meeting.

Karl joins their call, promising to recount anything to George. George calls Karl his little spy.

( funny little moment: George kidnaps a L’manberg salmon and drops it on Quackity’s head. Your honor they are brothers! )

George joins the VC with the others: they discuss George’s home and if Tommy is guilty.

Dream and Tubbo go to talk in private.

George listens as the other cabinet members beg for Tommy to just tell the truth.

They all start leaving the call until it’s just George and Karl again

Interestingly Karl brings up supporting the idea of Quackity being VP in place of Tommy ( with Karl perhaps aware that because of the lack of respect the others have for him trying to make Quackity the VP instead would be more realistic )

George and Karl continue to bond over disliking Tommy.

Karl joins a VC and George soon follows but they’re immediately told by Tubbo to leave, this just frustrates them even more.

“I’m peeved George.”

Karl encourages George to read his chat, who are telling George to burn down the tree.

George finds the ingredients to make a flint and steel in a nearby chest ( I don’t know if it was just a coincidence or if Dream or Karl placed those items in there. )

George decides against burning the tree and instead takes some of it hostage.

George and Karl are asked to join the VC and they all travel to the courthouse

I’ll cover the court stuff in more detail when I watch Tubbo and Tommy’s streams because it concerns them more and I don’t want to make this TOO long.

George listens as the cabinet continues to argue along the way, Niki and Ranboo join.

Pretty much everyone is vocally against Tommy, except for Ranboo who is mostly keeping to himself

George blocks tommy off with his obsidian. Karl and George play dumb about where the obsidian came from ( Though Karl might not have realized it was George who placed it or forgot that he gave him those blocks )

George jokes about Tommy already being done for with Quackity as his lawyer ( Your honor!! They are brothers!!)

Niki immediately tries to defend Ranboo when George brings up Chats claim of Ranboo being involved with the house burning. ( Sibling moment Pog <3 )

Tommy also defends Ranboo, and Tommy keeps defending him even after admitting to the crime.

( I’ll talk more about interesting Tommy stuff I noticed when I watch his stream )

Niki and Tommy vouch for Ranboo’s innocence and since Ranboo’s memory is apparently very spotty they all decide to let him go, except for George who wants them to review the footage ( Tommy’s vod I presume ) to see if Ran is truly innocent but George is ignored.

George tags along after the trial while the L’manberg cabinet continues their discussion.

George listens as Tommy talks about his goals to piss off Dream until he gets his discs back, the rest of the cabinet argue that his actions are irresponsible since as a member of the Government he represents all of L’manberg ( Though something tells me that even if Tommy wasn’t VP Dream, opportunist and conniver he is, still would’ve tried to make Tommy burning George’s house into a big deal since Tommy is still a L’manberg citizen. )

Dream shows up and Tommy chases after him, everyone follows in a panic.

Karl confronts Ranboo about him helping Tommy burn George’s cottage but let’s him off easy and tells Ran to apologize to George.

Ranboo apologizes even though he can’t remember doing it ( allegedly )

Niki is on Ranboo’s defense, she blames Tommy for being a bad influence on Ran.

Ranboo says “I never said that I couldn’t remember any of it- I just said that I have bad short term memory... “ he also tells George that the fire was an accident and that neither him or Tommy meant for it to spread.

Ranboo does also confirm that Tommy stole stuff and Ranboo did too but Ran put the stuff he stole back because he felt bad.

Ran says that he’s not good at standing up to people and George forgives him but George still wants his stuff back- Ranboo promises to try and help.

Ranboo questions the construction of the walls just because George’s house was burned.

George decides to interrogate Tommy and joins their call, he hears the cabinet argue about the discs ( I’ll cover this more in another post )

( This is when Tommy’s mom tells him about the dishes LOL )

Sapnap joins in confused and George tells him what happened alongside Karl.

Sapnap officially declares himself one of Gogy’s knights. For now George asks Sapnap to keep an eye on Tommy.

Sapnap gets anxious when Tommy and the rest start punching each other ( in reality they’re doing a handshake ) and protectively gets in front of Karl and George

“Dream’s not here, so I gotta protect you guys!” ( Just a nice little moment)

The cabinet go back into the Camarvan, the others watch from the top of the van. Ranboo and Niki decide to respect their privacy.

Sapnap is vocally on George’s side and against L’manberg

“These L’manbergians George, they should’ve learner their lesson the first time when we dealt with them.”

Niki takes offense to this

Karl reveals why he was on Schlatt’s side during the war “ I didn’t feel welcomed...” ( Interesting!! Not feeling welcomed was what caused Quackity to create Swag2020 and later join Schlatt!!!!!!)

Sapnap agrees that the L’manbergians don’t make people feel welcomed. Karl adds that even as vice vice president he still doesn’t feel welcomed since he’s not included in the meetings, Niki agrees that it’s pretty rude of them to do that to Karl.

( This might be important later on: Last night Puffy considered joining Dream but she doesn’t want to turn against Niki but Puffy might try to convince her to join Dream’s side- but I don’t think Niki would go without Ranboo and he needs to be a citizen to run in the next election.)

George and Sapnap agree that it’s wrong of them to not include Karl

Sapnap criticizes Tubbo for not keeping his people in check

Niki doesn’t defend Tubbo, instead she brings up how Ranboo is running for the next election ( interesting!!!!)

Sapnap calls Karl their “ambassador”

George wants to help Karl break down some of the walls around party island but decides to not get involved- Sapnap agrees once again brining up how the king mustn’t get involved and neither can Sapnap as a royal knight.

“I’m the kings right hand man- one of his right hand men. One of the knights, I represent the king.”

George warns Karl about Dream having the walls be in specific places for a reason and gets him to stop, the two are about to listen to some music before Dream whispers for George to come over to him.

Dream gives George the fish Quackity took for his pond in exchange for the parts of the L’mantree he took. At first George questions giving back the leaves but does so.

( In Tubbo’s stream I saw him give the pieces back to the L’manbergians as a show of good faith, but too me this rings more of Dream trying to make himself seem like a good guy to the other L’manbergians while he tries to make Tommy look worse. )

George goes back home to return his fish

Tommy gets blamed for damage done to Karl’s walkway ( I don’t know if he did that )

( George hears a Minecraft cat meow and meows back at it????? )

Tommy asks George for some leather and to two have a little spat, Tommy also remarks about how he hoped that him and Sapnap would be on better terms after Mars but it seems that ship has sailed- Sapnap is loyal to George first and foremost.

Karl’s loyalty to L’manberg has been deeply shaken, Sapnap apologizes to him.

George see’s the rebuilt L’mantree.

George and Sapnap try to cheer up Karl, encouraging his growing negative feelings towards L’manburg.

Quackity is concerned and joins the call after Karl drowns himself three times.

George and Sapnap take Karl back to his house and try to cheer him up with help from Quackity but Karl tries to drown himself again until George orders him as king to stop, threatening to never “pop-off” with him again if he keeps drowning himself

The group decide to have a serious conversation at party island

They all climb into the tree house to support Karl

Quackity promises to talk to Tubbo about Karl getting ignored.

Quackity mistakenly thinks that Karl kissed George (unless he’s talking about a different situation idk ). Quackity then hits George and the two start fighting before George orders Sapnap to get Quackity out of there.

Sapnap draws his bow ordering Quackity to leave while Karl begs them to stop fighting. Things get tense between the trio and Quackity asks if Sapnap still loves him. Sapnap says he does and that this is just a formality before George shoves him out of the tree accidentally killing Quackity.

Quackity says “he understands” to Karl and leaves.

( Damn, Gogy out here destroying relationships left and right! /lh )

Quackity comes back for his things and is asked to rejoin VC

More relationship drama ensues: Quackity is upset at Karl for not standing up for him when their other fiancé, Sapnap, pulled a bow on Quackity. Karl claims that he didn’t just stand there but Quackity moves on to Sapnap, asking for them to just leave Karl. George is confused.

Quackity asks for his “yeezys” back from Karl but George takes them, promising to give them back so long as Karl stops drowning himself

Karl says that’s he’s gonna be fine since Quackity promised to talk to Tubbo, the trio decide to make up to “ not make their wedding awkward”

Hbomb joins and George gives the boots back

(Sapnap clearly cares about both Karl and Quackity but in the end of the day his duties as a royal knight come first- things might get messy if another war starts up. )

( Edit: Addition to the above point, Quackity and Sapnap actually bring this up during Sapnaps 11/30 stream and my point is kind of reaffirmed but not quite in the way I expected. Sapnap listened to George because George is the king and he’s already seen what happens when you disobey the king; it’s certainly fear over respect in this case. He quickly shifts the topic to Karl after this- revealing that, while he still loves Karl, Sapnap views Karl as the “3rd wheel” of their relationship. Quackity basically agrees with this. Ouch. )

Alright back to serious stuff: George, Sapnap, and Karl speculate about what’s going to happen next. George still hasn’t gotten the stuff Tommy took from him back.

Hbomb suggests that George looks through Tommy’s stuff and see if any of his stolen goods are there, George agrees and goes but Sapnap has to leave, he tells George to be safe.

since George doesn’t remember what exactly Tommy took from him he decides to just take what he wants ( Hbomb noting about how that’s just the way this server works lol )

George takes useful stuff from Tommy, chat freaks out about how this could break George’s neutrality and Karl later asks if George was committing war crimes via stealing: George denies this.

Later George joins the VC with Tubbo and they start talking about making a chess tournament.

Some more little humorous moments happen- nothing really plot related I think. George plays chess with Fundy, Karl tries to make a rollercoaster in Philza’s house since he got rid of the school, a global warming arc is jokingly discussed, George tries to enforce some rules as king ( things like flight licenses, and shop permits. Nothing serious), I think George and Karl kiss in the kissing booth ( hard to tell with Minecraft; but George- I know it’s hard but please stop being such a darn homewrecker!! /Joking )

Also Jack briefly logs on but I don’t think he noticed the destruction to Manifold land yet ( He most definitely noticed during Fundy’s stream today and is pissed )

Karl attacks Maid!Hbomb in church prime

George asks Hbomb to keep an eye Tommy, Hbomb continues to do cat maid things~ to George’s dismay

( George has never watched ATLA wtf )

Punz joins and George tells him about what happened.

Later Punz confirms that he is one of George’s knights.

George considering granting Punz a flight license so long as he serves under him.

Punz comments on L’manburg’s loss in territory, George says it’s justified.

George, Punz, and Hbomb notice an odd cobblestone bridge structure in that starts around Hutt’s pizza and ends over L’manburg. Punz investigates it with the others. It ends right above the little town square area, with the Technoblade wanted posters.

Punz and George speculate the importance of the bridge and find out it’s a good ledge for jumping into a pool of water in the nation.

After a few awkward moments with Maid!Hbomb George and him considering making a deal: George would get one of Hbomb’s Pigstep discs in turn for renting a room out to Hbomb in George’s cottage. Nothing is set in stone yet and George decides to end his stream.

And that's about it! Thanks for reading!! I’ll try to cover the other streams ASAP.

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latin-dr-robotnik · 4 years ago

Note

You mentioned western localizations messing with Amy. Can you elaborate if you don't mind?

Of course!

I think the first thing to keep in mind throughout all of this is that I was referring to the old notion of “Amy is a psycho girl chasing after someone who isn’t remotely interested in her”. This is the big impression Sonic games (and I guess to some extent Archie Sonic, but I don’t want to get in there) left on fans during the 2000′s, and it comes mostly due to two main reasons:

The differences in western culture versus japanese culture (how we see relationships in general, the actual tropes surrounding Amy, etc.)

How the actual localization process was handled for each game, like the way Amy acts toward Sonic and other characters, how the games play said acts (cute vs annoying) and the way Sonic reacts to her presence.

It’s no secret that localization works during that era were spotty at best (that’s why you hear Ryan’s Sonic yelling “teriaaaa!” in SA2, or the general weirdness surrounding SA1), and while I personally don’t blame the people that worked on localizing the games (after all, the overall quality of videogame storytelling was pretty shaky back in the early 2000′s), I can’t ignore just how damaging those works ended up being for the canon. For example, cutegirlmayra talked about the differences between japanese and western Sonic for years now, take this quote from her post, a quote that I believe nails this whole thing on the head:

America treats Sonamy much like they do their franchise, a meme or joke to be poked fun of. Whereas, with a much more refined atmosphere, Japan treats Sonamy as an endearing and lovely couple. Though both resign to say they can’t really see Sonic ever ‘settling down’ or really being focused on romance. And,… that makes since to me. Knowing who Sonic is. But even that doesn’t mean he can’t have a crush XD (The heart wants what the heart wants, lol!)

More recently, stuff like “Unfortunately, I’m not inconvenient for my girlfriend” came to light, and that’s one of many examples where japanese Sonic was way ahead of its western self. This particular quote is from Sonic Battle and in the english version you don’t get anything remotely similar to that, instead Amy is left to look like she’s a crazy stalker, or that Sonic doesn’t accept her advances to a degree (that’s one major problem, how western Sonic tends to feel like he’s actually rejecting Amy while she keeps on trying.) It’s not coincidence that Sonic Battle is regarded as one of the worst portrayals of Amy in a Sonic game.

If you start digging on what the creators actually intended for Amy, you'll find lots of good intentions toward her and the framing of her dynamic with Sonic (which isn’t the only aspect of Amy, mind you, but my claims about western localization originally came from a SonAmy post so I naturally focused on that, sorry haha.)

For example, last year I looked into how Sonic Unleashed handled SonAmy, and while my initial research was pretty sweet (the english version of Unleashed!Amy is really good if you spend time talking to her), the real kicker came as soon as we (me and cutegirlmayra) started looking into interviews with ex-Sonic Team writer Shiro Maekawa and cross-referencing information regarding the actual writers that were involved during that 2000′s era. The result? There was an entire council at SEGA of Japan dedicated to approve the way Sonic characters were presented in all official media, and they approved all of the key SonAmy moments back then, even more that western audiences didn’t get to see (more on that below.) Most if not all the japanese Sonic writers involved in that era (Maekawa was both a writer and part of said council) left around the end of the decade, after Sonic Unleashed (2008) and Sonic and the Black Knight (2009), and ever since that most of the problems shifted from “this is how SEGA of America is localizing Sonic games” to “this is the very poor state of Sonic writing in general”, so, dead end for now.

Then you have situations like with Sonic X, a show handled by Sonic Team and the official Sonic writers of that era working in some of the most iconic episodes... just to see their work censored by 4kids in America and the subsequent dubs that used that version as a basis (from what I’ve heard not all dubs are censored, though.) That’s why you’ll see fans imploring you to watch Sonic X in japanese instead of the english dub, since the series was a lot more involved with the pairing and the general simbolism of some of its touching moments (they used actual love songs for them, for crying out loud), which led to some funny facts, like how the Latin American Spanish and the French dub both ignored the mandate about muting Sonic’s words to Amy in Episode 52, leading to moments like Sonic promising Amy he won’t leave her again (LatAm) or just straight up telling he loves her (the french were on fire with that one.) Sonic X was the one true vision of Sonic Team, and the way it was butchered for western audiences is still baffling to this day.

So, what’s the deal with Amy then? In theory she’s a cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl with a very strong sense of justice, super-determined to help anyone in need (even enemies like Metal Sonic) and, depending on the situation, pretty impulsive. She’s particularly loyal to her friends, and she acts like the emotional support of the group. You’ll see her filling that role regardless of how good or bad the localization is (SA2 Amy helped Shadow realize his true purpose, Heroes Amy is the beating heart of her whole team, Unleashed Amy is the only one who doesn’t lose hope on Sonic when Perfect Dark Gaia rises); yet the ways by which these traits were shown in the games varied a lot, and that’s how we reached a point where a good chunk of the fandom thinks Amy is a stalker. Japan portrayed her acts as cute, as very respectable traits of a great female character; the west portrayed her mostly as a nuisance the gang had to carry around, even to the point of misinterpreting some of her quotes that aren’t actually bad (for example: “If I had to choose between the world and Sonic, I would choose Sonic!“ in Sonic ‘06.) And while this is no longer the case, nowadays there’s a whole different discussion surrounding making Amy better by making her “more mature” (which is also another topic raised here in the west, like, this whole discussion never ends! haha)

I feel like I got lost and came back several times while writing this reply. At the end of the day, it’s a long topic to tackle and I think the best I can do right now is forward you some more information. My friend beev did some great work translating my own Spanish articles tackling the Japan vs Western differences (it’s pretty much most of this reply.) And then there’s @skull001, he’s very vocal about the ways Amy’s character was messed with (including stuff like Amy being missing from the back of Advance 1′s box, the Sonic X english dub or the fact SEGA is still reluctant to count her as part of Team Sonic), and if there’s someone I’d listen when it comes to knowing pretty much everything about Amy, it’s gotta be him... and cutegirlmayra, of course. I hope this helped, though!

#ask latin dr robotnik #sonic the hedgehog #amy rose #sonamy #sega #hannahcbrown #i'm sorry this took way too long to write haha

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missskzbiased · 4 years ago

Text

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (4)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Han X OC

WC: ~ 10,0K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Notes: This Chapter is from Hyunjin’s POV. I like to write in a “self-inserted way”, but in this case. You=Hyunjin lol. I was going to change it but realized that change all this after writing 10K words wasn’t on my plans. So… Yep. In later chapters it will happen again.

Reference to “Losing You” (Wonho)

Also, sorry for the big chap but I had a lot to expose in Hyunjin’s POV since it’s not the usual POV.

Also I didn’t finish reviewing it and I’m sorry.

REMINDER: I’m neither a psychologist nor a psychology student.

Updates: I’ll update it once a week [Tuesdays] because I still have to write the chapters to come and review the ones I already wrote

///

HYUNJIN’S POV

If there was a single thing you didn’t expect this afternoon it would be a punch, thanks for asking!

You walked side by side with Chan, wondering what that was all about. You didn’t recall him talking about an older woman who he’s been seeing… Well, if you were fair enough, you didn’t recall him talking about any woman besides Y/N and his therapist. Although judging someone by their appearance wasn’t really right, you couldn’t say the flashy woman looked like a therapist at all. She was beautiful but seemed a little bit off, and Chan was certainly anxious about seeing her.

Who was she?

You couldn’t see her eyes, since she was with that huge sunglasses, but you could tell she wasn’t some relative of him. If she wasn’t his relative, his therapist, and obviously she wasn’t Y/N, that could mean just one thing: She was his lover. You didn’t know Chan was into older women, but it could explain a lot since he didn’t double-check anyone in college as far as you noticed…

Your train of thoughts was promptly interrupted by someone calling you out of nowhere.

“Hey, Hyunjin!” You heard the male voice that sounded like Han’s, which was pretty surprising. As far as you remember, he and you didn’t talk since… Well, ever. You turned around, confusion written all around your face as you spotted him closer than you expected but still rushing to you, his hand raising promptly.

His fist met your face midway.

“-Holy shit!” You heard Chan gasp ─his amused chocked expression registering in your head as your face was pushed to the side with the impact─ before you staggered, balancing yourself with a step back so you wouldn’t fall. You could say a lot of things to Han right now, but you couldn’t say he was weak… What a damn heavy hand! He stood there panting, his enraged eyes shooting your skull as he seemed to wonder if he should give you another blow.

As much as you wanted to beat his shit up, your startled self reacted poorly.

“What the fuck, dude?!” You blurted out, your hand shooting to your cheek as your eyes scanned him while he straightened himself after the punch; his scoff sounding annoying to your ears. What the hell was that for? You didn’t think you were an angel nor anything like this, but the bloody guy was single, and as far as you knew you didn’t hook up with anyone he was interested in. Besides, you never even talked to him directly, so why the hell would he punch you?

“What did you do to her?” He shouted, mad, and you could only look at him as if he had grown a third head, completely oblivious to the reason why he was being a jerk “I asked” He hissed, coming closer to you and grabbing your collar, pulling your face closer to him “What did you do to her?” He spat angrily, his eyes on the level of your own, madly searching for any signs of something you couldn’t put your finger on.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You asked, grabbing his hand and yanking it away. Han grunted before giving you another unexpected punch, this time leaving a faint ironish taste in your mouth. You staggered again, balancing yourself and running your thumb over the corner of your lips, checking it for blood, looking around to see the crowd slowly forming.

What a bunch of unoccupied people…

“You hurt her!” He accused, making you scoff.

“I don’t even know who you’re talking about, man” You rolled your eyes “Look, if you’re that mad about your girlfriend wanting to fuck me, you should just fuck better” You mocked, fed up with his attitudes. Han came to give you another punch; one that you would gladly respond with a kick if Chan hadn’t held him back, pulling Han away as he struggled to get off of his grip.

Oh, now he helps!

“Hey, hey! Hands off from pretty boy” He instructed, making you snort “What the hell, Han?” He asked in disbelief, voice in a hiss as he tried to control the writhing boy.

“Let me go, Chan!” He hissed “You call yourself her friend?! You let this asshole hook up with your friend when you know he’s a fuckboy that can’t keep his dick in his pants when he sees any fucking woman around?!” Oh! Of course, it was about her! You couldn’t help but laugh at his face, amused by the ridiculous situation.

“Let him go, Chan! Let him come… I’ve already fought other jealous boyfriends before… Although when I asked her, she was so eager to deny any relationship with you…” You looked in his eyes, smirking, and you could see he was more than ready to come for you.

You enjoyed the feeling of power running through your veins.

“You couldn’t get her with that face of yours so you tried to damage mine? What a shame, baby boy… It’s not my fault if she ogled me when you were right beside her” You shrugged, looking at him pitifully “If it makes you feel any better when she asked me to go to my place I said no… She isn’t really my type” You smiled sarcastically, seeing Han struggling to get out again, urging to hit you.

“You’re a piece of shit, Hyunjin!” He yelled “You don’t deserve her” He hissed, and although seeing him struggling was amusing, you were getting quite confused. When the hell did it look like you had something with her? There must be something missing, some piece to complete that puzzle… “You shouldn’t have made her cry!”

You shouldn’t have her doing what now?

“Let me go, Chan! Let me beat the crap out of him!” He added, Chan frowned worried by his words, looking at you with lost eyes. You straightened up, dusting off your clothes, and smiled obnoxiously at Han before you eyed Chan smugly.

“That’s enough” Chan said harshly, his voice cold and sharp, “Hyunjin, stop provoking him… Han, stop acting like you’re her boyfriend or something” He pushed him away, making the boy stumbles before fixing his posture and looking angrily at the both of you “Where is she right now? Did you see her with anyone before? Are you sure she was crying?” He asked worried, and your brain clicked in realization.

Of course! You were so dumb… The flashy woman had something to do with Y/N.

It couldn’t be a coincidence.

You recalled how Chan took the woman away to talk, behaving secretively as he pointed some directions to her, which made you believe he was going to meet her there, away from the eyes. It was kinda suspicious and it could have been some kind of secret affair, but it wouldn’t explain why he seemed so anxious and on edge, calling some people on his phone. Especially since you overheard him calling his family’s Hospital, which was pretty weird. He seemed worried as hell as he asked you to stay still, running for dear life to the opposite side of his directions to the lady, calling someone else on his phone while he did it…

Indeed, you were so dumb.

So that lady was related to Y/N somehow, and in a way that made her cry about something… Interesting. You avoided her during your classes ─planning to do it until she forgot about her lucky strike that allowed her to get close to your deepest insecurities─, and expecting her not to follow you bombing you with her intrusive questions, which she didn’t. Now, everything was different. You had an ace up your sleeve, you had a weakness of her, and you intended using it for the best.

You were the one making the calls now.

////

You called Chan about ten times already.

You laid down on the couch, head resting on the pillow and arms raised so you could check your phone. Your eyes wandered around the messages, looking at the time and at the door, expecting Chan to come in at any moment.

You were doing this for about three hours now.

You sighed, bored, resting your phone on your chest and fixing your gaze on the ceiling, trying to weigh your options. Of course, you didn’t need to know Y/N’s story. You weren’t interested in her at all, but she was interested in you and you should be prepared for anything… She hated you. You never quite understood why she didn’t like you, but you knew since day one that she wasn’t fond of you at all ─ that only being confirmed by her complaining to Chan, right behind your back. You had to admit that teasing her was funny, though. Every time you could mock her about something you knew she would get upset you did, because it was amusing to see her cold stare at you, ripping your limbs one by one.

She was weird.

You have heard about her from Chan before, of course, she being his best friend and the reason why he searched for help… Chan considered her as a goddess or something like this but to you; she was nothing but a whining little girl that couldn’t handle a fuckboy around… Just a goody-two-shoe.

That was also was the best type to tease.

Maybe someday she would just beg for you to corrupt her.

You laughed at the thought. There was no way in hell she would beg for you to do anything; it would be easier for her to chop her arm off than asking you for a hand. You didn’t understand why she hated you so much, though. She certainly met other fuckboys in her life; she couldn’t hate all of them with all her might, right? She couldn’t hate you because you were rich either; she was best friends with Chan, for lord’s sake! You knew she hated when you got better grades than her, but it couldn’t be about being the best, because she didn’t seem to mind it when other people overcome her…

She was a puzzle.

Maybe she was always interested in you and was trying to get your attention.

The door opened slowly; your eyes shooting to watch as Chan came inside, looking contemplative as he locked the door and glanced at you on the couch, his eyebrow arching inquisitively. You picked up your phone and checked the time before sitting down on the couch and looking at him confused.

“You don’t have classes today, why did you show up so late?” Chan averted his eyes, thinking about what he should answer, and you took it as a clue “Were you with Y/N?” You asked slyly, his eyes laying on you again.

“I was studying at the library” He said shortly “Why do you care?”

“I want to ask you a few things” You shrug him off, crossing your arms and tilting your head as you looked in his eyes “Who was that woman today?”

“That’s none of your business” He stated bluntly, just like Chan always did when he didn’t want to give you much information. It was crystal clear he was hiding something from you and it did have something to do with the strange woman “What is it? Watching too much gossip girls lately?” He mocked, trying to change the subject.

“How does she relate to Y/N?” You decided to play your cards; Chan twitched uncomfortably “Why did she cry about her?” You added, watching as his eyes turned ice cold and a stern look took over his face.

“When she asked me about your problems I didn’t say anything. I hope you understand that I will do the same now” You nodded, getting his point but not planning to back off just yet. You got up from the couch, wandering around. Chan eyed you closely, knowing you wouldn’t trail off like this.

“It’s just that it must be pretty serious if she even cried about this… I was wondering if she was fine” You smiled sickeningly sweet, making Chan scoff “Maybe I could help her out…”

“Yeah, right” He nodded sarcastically “I didn’t see you were so interested in her before, maybe I should give you her number? Do you want me to set up a blind date or something?” He mocked, grimacing at you.

“I’m not interested” You rolled your eyes “She’s not really my type”

“So why are you so interested in her wellbeing? Look, I know you like to have the upper hand, Hyunjin, and I know you’re anxious with her knowing you have some kind of dark past or whatever she is thinking right now… But I won’t give you anything to use against her” He patted your shoulder, trying to be comprehensive before you swapped his hand away “Y/N is far more important to me than you and I will not hesitate a bit before standing by her side if you try to be a jerk to her” He said sternly, his eyes burying into yours.

“You wouldn’t” You muttered, Chan gave you a half-hearted laugh in response.

“You have to understand that I don’t own you anything, Hyunjin…“ He stated seriously “We’re friends and we went through a lot together… I was there for you when you needed, Hyunjin… I don’t intend to leave you behind, but you can’t just do whatever you want and think I will stand by your side” You averted your eyes, ashamed.

You knew Chan was right. He didn’t own you anything nor needed to be by your side at all costs, but it still hurt that he would say that to you like that. You had the chance to be by his side when he needed, just like he did to you, and you were utterly useless, just as expected… It was obvious he would be far more grateful to Y/N than you, after all, she was the one who connected to him, pointed out he needed help, made him search for a therapist, and got him out of a dark place he was drowning since forever.

It still made you mad though.

If you were fair, maybe you didn’t tease her just because it was fun… Maybe you hated her back, maybe you wanted to see her struggle once in a while, maybe you wanted to see her not being the perfect doll she tried to be… Maybe you were just jealous, maybe you weren’t really trying to defend yourself from her, and maybe you were trying to hurt her because she was a threat to you… She was exactly what Chan needed by his side, and it was the only thing you couldn’t outdo her even if you had all the money in the world, even if you worked your ass off, even if you wanted it from the bottom of your heart. You just couldn’t exceed her in the only thing that really mattered to you.

Your only friend would drop you without a second thought if it meant to protect her.

You knew you were being childish trying to hurt her just because, trying to gather her weakness so that you could use it against her… You were handling your problems in the only way you were taught to do. The truth was that Mr.Lee was right, you were afraid of a lot of things and you couldn’t move on. You were stuck in the past. And your past could hurt, just like you.

“I’m afraid she will use my past against me…” You whispered under your breath, but Chan heard it anyway “I don’t want anyone spreading my past around” You admitted.

“I don’t understand what’s the big deal” He stated “People die, Hyunjin… People die all the time, and a lot of people lost loved ones before, you know? You won’t be the first… It’s not your fault he died, and it’s not your fault your mother is a sly bitch” You laughed at that, agreeing.

“She is indeed a sly bitch… I know it wasn’t my fault, but I don’t think you understand it… He was young… He was so young” You gulped, your throat burning as you tried to control your voice and the tears that wanted to make their way to your eyes “I can’t handle the pity looks and all the questions all over again, ok? I can’t handle the fact that it should have been me” As soon as those words left your lips you felt your eyes burning, voice cracking. You rubbed your eyes so the tears wouldn’t fall and turned your face to the side, avoiding Chan’s gaze.

“Just because you were the older brother, Hyunjin? It wasn’t an accident! It wasn’t irresponsibility! It was cancer, for lord’s sake!” Chan uttered, frustrated “It shouldn’t be you! You couldn’t control it! You have to understand you fear something that was out of your grip! You can’t keep holding onto it until you die!” His words were harsh, but you knew he was right.

Of course, you knew but you couldn’t just act on it.

“Sorry” You blurted out, not really knowing what were you apologizing for. You just did it out of reflex, just like when you were a kid, afraid anything you did would push him away. Chan sighed, defeated, holding both of your shoulders as he waited for you to look into his eyes. You looked at him ─ hurt written all over your face─ before he pulled you into a hug.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry… You should take your time to handle it, I’m just tired and I didn’t think before speaking” He admitted, breaking away from you “Today was a long day, I have a lot going on my mind and it’s no excuse to vent my frustrations on you. You’re not replaceable, Hyunjin, you’re my friend too. I like your presence, I even moved in with you!” He smiled, patting your shoulder “It’s just that a very dear friend is facing something hurtful right now, and I can’t do anything about it… I’m overwhelmed” He sighed and you patted his shoulder back.

“That’s okay, you suck… Not everyone can be like me” You joked, making him snort and shake his head astonished “I’m sorry too, I should have known you were overwhelmed, of course, you would be when your best friend is going through… Well, whatever she is going through” You shrugged “I shouldn’t have pushed you” You added, smiling apologetically to him.

“That’s enough, you’ll make me throw up” Chan feigned a disgusted expression, pushing you away lightly and heading to his room, stopping at the doorframe before turning his head to you again “Try to not upset her too much this week” He asked, making you nod.

“I’ll only see her Friday now” You stated “I’m not going to upset her until then, can’t promise I won’t upset her in classes, though”

//////

You couldn’t help but bit your lip and narrow your eyes as you watched Mr.Lee smiling.

Not only he thought it would be a good idea to make you guys write an essay about the feelings you choose and how could you relate to them (which was a terrible idea, if anyone would ask you, but whatever) but he also thought it would be a good idea to make you guys discuss it in trios. Okay, you weren’t an expert professor but you would say it was bullshit, which was why you were looking at him, incredulous. It wasn’t really pleasant to write about your issues, especially after you argued with Chan on Tuesday, but it would be even worse to talk about it with a trio you didn’t even know! What the hell was going through his head?!

“I know you guys must be feeling betrayed, and I hope we can get over it later” He said, smiling to you all “But after reading your essays, I figured we could have a good development by discussing it… Of course, I know you wouldn’t be comfortable to discuss it out loud in a class, so the best way to do it was to form groups so you could discuss it as privately as possible” He stated, his eyes connected with yours for a fraction of second, and you were sure he could feel you roasting him inside your mind.

“We shouldn’t feel obliged to do it! It’s personal information” You heard Y/N utter, which was pretty impressive since she usually behaved really quietly and respectfully with all the professors. Mr.Lee seemed to notice it too, but he just smiled apologetically to her, as if pity would solve anything.

“I understand how you feel, but I hope you understand that’s exactly how a patient feels when they trust you with their deepest insecurities about themselves… It’s not an easy task, I know, but you signed up for this course knowing that I don’t rate any of you by useless tests, so you can’t say it’s really unexpected, right?” He shrugged. What a jerk! You eyed Y/N, watching as she shrank in her seat, not really having anything to say back to him “I organized your groups, and before anyone asks it, I know it sounds unfair, but I had my reasons to organize it as I did” What a great and understanding person! You rolled your eyes, pissed off “I’m going to call each of your groups and you’ll be dismissed for today so you can organize yourselves, okay?” He picked up a paper, starting to call some students.

So he thought it would be a good idea to put three useless young adults to discuss some serious issues… Really great. As far as you understand your new task, one of you would be the psychologist of the group, having the access to both of the other members' essays and would have to try to help them out as much as possible, but the others could only read the psychologist essay… Okay, why did he come up with that? It was utterly ridiculous. Your mindless rambles were interrupted by his voice calling your name.

“Hyunjin, Y/N, and Paris” He announced, looking at you, and then at them.

Great.

Your eyes met Y/N’s, both of your extremely aware you would have to… Share your insecurities, Paris darting her eyes between you two with a worried look. You stood up first, going to their desk and waiting for them as they wiped their things into their bags and stood up, following you out of class.

“You won’t be the psychologist” Y/N stated as soon as you got to the stairs, stopping in her tracks, you and Paris turned around to look at her “I don’t want you to read my essay”

“Fair enough, you can’t be the psychologist either, since you don’t want me to read your essay” You reminded her “I don’t have any objections, I don’t want to be the psychologist and I don’t want you to read my essay either” You agreed before looking at Paris.

“So that means I’m the psychologist?” She asked surprised “Oh… That will be fun” She stated sarcastically, sighing right after “I don’t mind you reading about my life, so I think that’s fair enough” She agreed, eyeing both of you in wonder “I will need to read your essays, you can send me an email, I will send mine to you two… Should we set a date so we can discuss it?”

“I think the best-case scenario would be if you discussed our essay in private… And we both can discuss yours together, since we have to analyze you and you have to analyze us” Y/N suggested, seeming to think through a lot of options in her head “The first step would be to speak about your situation, so we can understand you better when you analyze us… It will give you time to read our essays too since you have a lot more to work on, and then you can talk to us and analyze us! In the end, we can write what we thought we learned from each other… I think that will be good enough” She proposed, looking at you.

“I agree with whatever you say” You shrugged “I think we should do it at my place, so Chan can keep an eye on us” You suggested, making them snort, and you let a smile crackle “It’s more private too, and I don’t think the point is to discuss Paris’ essay in front of her, so…” You added, getting a nod back.

“I agree, I think it’s a good idea” She stated, and you couldn’t help but stare at her in awe “What? What is it?” She asked uncomfortably.

“I would never dare to dream you would agree with me one day” You joked, making Paris laugh and Y/N give you a small smile “Should we do it today? Paris can email us right now” You suggested, but Y/N shook her head.

“No, I have work today… Are you free tomorrow?” She asked, and you nodded, thinking about mock her by saying it was a date, but you refrained yourself. Now that you would have to work together, it would be better if you tuned out a bit of your teasing for a while.

“Sounds good to me” You agreed “Guess I will see you tomorrow then… Hm… Have a nice day?” You cringed, looking at them unsurely as the three of you seemed awkward with each other. You went down the stairs, waving goodbye on the last step and heading to your car. If it was this awkward to set a date for your project, imagine discussing it alone… It would be embarrassing.

/////

The bell rang loudly, a persistent noise hanging in the air annoyingly.

“Coming!” You yelled, already pissed off with that project. Y/N suggested you both to meet at 10 AM, which wasn’t exactly the time you hoped to study on a Saturday. Actually, you would prefer to not study at all on a Saturday but it was already too late to back away. As soon as you got in the living room, you saw Chan opening the door, an annoyed frown on his face.

“You don’t need to hold the damn thing” He complained, getting out of her way so she could come into your place, the peaceful silence finally reaching your ears. She looked sleepy and pissed off just as much as you, her clothes were baggy and kinda old, probably her pajamas for the night judging the wrinkles and her messy hair, dark circles adorning her eyes “Also, what the hell are you doing here this early? Did you come to beat Hyunjin up too?” He rolled his eyes, clearly too upset and too tired to think about what he said.

“No, Hyunjin should have told you that I would come to do our proj—“ Her sentence was cut abruptly by herself, her brows shooting up with surprise and amusement “What did you just say? Someone beat him up?” She laughed, more satisfied than she should be in your opinion but anyway, her eyes came to you, analyzing your face for a bit before wandering around your body, looking for dark spots anywhere.

“First of all: I wasn’t beaten up! He punched me twice, don’t twist the facts!” You whined, Chan chuckling at your poor defense “ And you don’t need to pretend to look my bruises all over my body, sweetheart, you can just check me out if you want” You smirked to her, getting off on her inaudible grumbling, her mouth moved to mock the way you talk, a grimace over her face.

“Well, for what I counted, he hit you twice and you didn’t hit him at all, so I rate this as you being beaten up by Han” Chan joked, laughing at your peeved expression before paling up, his eyes widening and trailing back to Y/N, sensing he had messed up.

“What? Han beat you up? Why?” She asked genuinely surprised. Well, Han wasn’t known for picking up fights, he was actually a good boy from the volleyball team, never heard him doing anything wrong in these years of college, so how could you simply say he hit you because he thought you were the one who made her cry and not the flashy woman? Well, you couldn’t.

“I guess he couldn’t get the girl with his face so he came to damage mine” She looked disgusted at you as you tried to maintain your smug facade until she walked to the hall, shaking her head in disbelief. The best thing about Y/N was that she was predictable, so every time you needed to dismiss her or change the subject you just blurted anything obnoxious and she would give up on you.

You smiled relieved behind her back, winking at Chan that was thanking you in silence.

She waited in front of your door, giving enough space for you to reach for it but not daring to open it without your permission. You rolled your eyes at her antics, opening the door and coming in, asking her to close it when she followed you, her eyes analyzing everything at display. You sat at your chair, spinning it in front of your desk once, waiting for her to take her place on your bed but she didn’t.

She stood there looking conflicted.

“I hope you’re aware that it doesn’t mean we will fuck” She said out of nowhere and it took everything inside you not to burst out laughing, so you just looked at her, your lips quivering slightly as you tried to stay serious “I know what sitting on a man’s bed can mean, and If you come any closer to me than necessary I’m going to rip your dick off” her eyes buried into yours and she sounded too serious to be joking, although you didn’t really believe she could just rip off something from your body. At least you hoped she couldn’t.

“If you consider that I’m only one man and tons of girls slept there, maybe you can see it as a woman’s bed?” You suggested, and she rolled her eyes before giving up on you just as you predicted, finally sitting on your bed, struggling to get to your wall so she could rest her back there. You suppressed a chuckle, watching as she squirmed for cluttering your bed, her eyes darting to you to check if you would get upset “That’s fine, although I didn’t picture you as the clumsy and messy type” You joked, trying to light up the mood.

“I’m not clumsy, your bed is too big for me” She whined, embarrassed, masking her blush by searching something around her bag for a while before getting her laptop, opening it so she could write what she wanted “Well, Mr.Lee sent us a guide. Did you see it?” She seemed uncomfortable, her shoulders shrunken and body too stiff. You deduced that was her way to break the ice, so you just played along.

“No, did you?” She nodded, her eyes focused on her screen, looking for the archive. She tapped the touchpad, satisfied with herself, her eyes wandering around quickly on her screen before she shot her head up and looked at you.

“Well, let’s begin with our full names” She said, typing fastly. You opened your mouth to give her your full name but she shot her brow up as she scoffed “Please, I know your full name! We’ve been sharing classes through all these years” She rolled her eyes but you were taken by surprise. You didn’t expect her to know your name at all “Okay, next… Who is the psychologist? Paris” She mumbled, typing it “Hm… Why did we choose her?” She looked at you in wonder.

“Well, because we clearly don’t trust each other” You both snorted at the same time, your eyes meeting for a split of a second before you cleared your throat, agitated “But I guess we can’t write it down…” She looked at her screen for a while, thinking, before she shrugged it off and looked at you.

“We can answer it later… Maybe we can say she volunteered? But why did we accept it? I’m the one who wants to be a psychologist… He’ll know we’re lying” She sighed “Or I can say I didn’t think I could help you? But I didn’t even know your story yet…” She was rambling already, worried about what to write down. You watched as she talked nonsense, quirking your brow as she finally seemed to find a worthwhile answer “I can say we didn’t feel like we could be helpful! You’re clearly… Hm… Troublesome” She tipped around, making you scoff “And I can say I didn’t feel reliable enough” She looked pleased with her answer, so she wrote it down before eyeing you unsurely “That’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, it sounds okay” You agreed, relaxing into your chair. So she was willing to do all the work… You rested your feet on your bed, the sudden move startling her as she wrote, which she showed by glaring at you before resuming to her writing “Did you read Paris’ essay?” You decided to ask, she raised her eyes to meet yours and both of you felt uneasy for a moment “Hm… Did you know all that?” You decided to ask, she shook her head.

You never really talked to Paris about important or serious stuff, so it should be no surprise that you didn’t know anything about her life. Even so, you didn’t expect her to have a sad past at all since she always looked so giggly and bubbly… You just assumed she had a good life, good parents. You could never imagine your mother being strong as hers, supportive and protective like that, giving you so much love that you would grow to be… Well, like Paris.

“Her mother is pretty impressive” You decided to say, because you thought so, expecting it to be a neutral subject for the both of you “I mean, you have to be really strong to walk away from an abusive relationship like this” You added when Y/N didn’t spare you a glance, too lost in her own mind “Especially to protect your child… I… I could never imagine someone being able to give so much love” You tried again, frustrated with the silence in the air.

“Yeah… She’s pretty impressive” She agreed absent-mindedly “Walk away from something requires a lot of courage… I can only imagine how she felt lost when she did it” You eyed her weirdly. You wouldn’t say that walk away from someone who beats you up, controls you, and abuses you psychologically was hard at all. She seemed to notice your frown, speaking up quickly “I mean, leave something behind will always be hard, right? Even the harmful ones” You nodded, agreeing with her.

“Can you imagine how her life would be if she was raised by her dad?” You didn’t know why you felt that urge to try to keep a conversation with her. Maybe it was because you needed to work together to get that ridiculous project done in two weeks, or maybe it was because you needed to vent about your thoughts. Would you be like Paris if you stayed with your dad? Would she be like you if she didn’t have someone to look after her?

“I’m sure she wouldn’t be Paris” Y/N looked at you, stopping her typing “I mean, you can’t possibly grow up and turn into Paris if you have someone constantly bringing you down… Right?” It was a strange feeling, like the both of you wanted to say something but were afraid to let out your thoughts. You sensed she was uncomfortable, probably worried to be caught red-handed by you, since she didn’t think you were trustworthy enough to vent. You nodded, deciding to drop the subject for now, not wanting to share your insecurities either. Clearly, neither of you had ‘be vulnerable to the one person you didn’t really wanna open your heart for’ in your to-do list.

“So, I guess we’ll say she did well, right? I mean, she had a traumatized mother that took control over her life for a long time… She could have done so much worse! I mean, Paris is a sweet girl” Y/N quirked a brow at you, clearly interested in the way you just described her friend “Oh, please!” You rolled your eyes “You know what I mean! She had everything to be like… I don’t know, me” She snorted at you, her face showed a controlled amusement.

“I don’t know if she could get that bad” She joked, averting her eyes to her screen as you looked at her in disbelief, the twist of her lips noticeable, although she tried to hide it. Okay, it was the strangest thing that ever happened to you. Did Y/N just make a joke? Okay, a joke about you… But still! She didn’t even look at you smugly. Before you could retort, she spoke up again “Anyway, I think we could work on it. You do have a point, her mother used to be really controlling but I don’t think Paris is like this, and I live with her for a long time. I think it’s clear that her stepfather’s love was essential for her mother but why didn’t she hold a grudge against her?”

“Maybe she’s right… Maybe love heals all things” You shrugged “It’s not like her mother didn’t love her before, she just expressed it awfully, and when she finally succeeds in expressing it healthily to her, Paris got better?” You suggested unsurely, both of you seeming to think about it. Actually, if you thought about it, if your mother had shown you something along the way maybe you could feel better. Maybe you wouldn’t hold a silly grudge towards your best friend’s best friend… Maybe you wouldn’t fear being rejected and actually start some kind of healthy relationship.

Yeah, right.

“Well, I guess? I mean, I can’t really relate… If I was her, I wouldn’t just forgive my mother like this after all the problems she had caused” She didn’t look you in the eyes, her eyes focused on the screen, refusing to move “I mean, her mother took her life away from her, right? She couldn’t go out, she couldn’t meet anyone, and she couldn’t hang with any friends… I understand it’s her father’s fault and her mother was just… Well, lost in her mind… But I would have liked to have those things” She seemed frustrated, the tap of her fingers were hovering over the board, unmoving “I mean, if I was her” She added suddenly, her eyes darting to you.

“Well, I can’t relate either” You agreed “I lived my life just fine, my mother didn’t stop me from doing anything at all” Actually, she should have tried to stop you a bunch of times but she never did “So I can’t understand how she felt but I guess knowing her mother loved her and did it because she loved her and was afraid someone could hurt her… Well, it seems like it was enough to Paris” You shrugged “I think if someone showed me love like this I would forgive them too, wouldn’t you? I mean, her mother ran away from home, she had to take care of her pregnant self and then of her baby all alone… I don’t think I could hold any grudges for someone so invested in my well-being” Y/N looked at you impressed.

It was more than obvious she didn’t think you had any depth to your brain and soul.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right” She agreed “How could she be angry with someone that helped her that much, right? Even if they made some mistakes… What’s important is that she was doing this for them, she took care of her how she could, right?” She smiled at you, apparently glad by her trail of thoughts, and you nodded, watching as she typed fastly, regaining her focus.

“Yeah, it’s not like her mother abandoned her or something” You scoffed, missing the way her fingers faltered for a moment “Maybe if she just let her by herself all her life or neglected her, right? I think she raised her as well as she could, it was a good thing she didn’t stay with her father, I think her mother is a real warrior” You smiled to her but Y/N stood serious, her frown growing as she typed everything.

The moment was awkward, to say the least.

You watched her as she typed the things, wondering if you should offer some help with something. You retreated your legs from the bed but she didn’t spare you a glance, and you both stood like this, in silence, just the hitting of her fingers on the keys, and from time to time your uneasy coughing that didn’t appear to disturb her. After what seemed to be hours, she finally raised her eyes to you, her fingers stopping their motions, a tired sigh leaving her lips.

“I can’t stay much longer, I have other essays to do” She confessed “It’s almost noon anyway, so I think it’s good, right? We’ll have to meet at least one more time to adjust somethings and discuss it better” She closed her laptop, putting it back in her bag “Also, I think discussing some things with Paris may help us to see things clearer… I guess we done enough for the day?” You nodded at her, getting up from your chair and waiting for her to get up from your bed.

As soon as she got up, she tried to tidy your bed, an uneasy expression on her face as she struggled to fix the fitted sheets. You suppressed a smile, amused by how it made her upset, turning around when you heard the crackling sound of the door opening to see a curious Chan leaning his upper body inside your room, tilting his head to the scene, a mischievous smile spreading in his face.

“Hm… Care to explain why are you fixing his bed, Sweety?” His voice sounded so suggestive that Y/N stopped in her tracks, turning her head around, a grimace on her face “Don’t look at me like that! You had it coming!” He laughed as she straightened herself, looking for something probably to toss at him “I’m here to invite you to eat with us” He said quickly as soon as she got her pencil case from her bag.

“You don’t cook” She narrowed her eyes, suspicious of him, her pencil case going back to her bag “Also, I’m fixing it because I’m a polite guest, unlike some of my friends that mess my room and let it be” She scoffed, looking at him. He smiled sheepishly, shrugging as he turned his back to us, making his way to the living room.

“I ordered some food, you ungrateful brat” He whined, raising his voice so you would still listen to him “Take it or leave it” She smiled to herself, finally getting the sheets right and picking up her bag. You followed her, meeting Chan at the table, a smug grin on his face.

“You know I can’t say no to free food” She joked, sitting across him. Chan gestured to a chair so you would sit down, your eyes trailed to Y/N before a sigh left your lips. You sat next to Chan, helping him to uncover the food, so all of you could eat together. You felt strange having your not-so-friendly-partner sat down across you, having lunch like it was normal for you to hang out. Of course, you had meals with her often when you had lunch with Chan but it was never under your roof.

It just felt strange to have her over like this.

////

Paris gestured to the couch, crossing her legs before adjusting her fake glasses.

“You gotta be kidding me” You sat down anyway, watching her getting more comfortable on her chair, supporting her notebook in front of her like a clipboard, a pencil behind her ear. She took the pencil and spun it a few times, looking at you as you laid down on the couch, looking at the ceiling, feeling silly.

“Do I look like an amateur?” You couldn’t help but laugh before turning your eyes to her, she grinned satisfied, taking off her glasses and resting them on the table “I’m just kidding, I thought it could help to break the ice” She opened her notebook, reading something while she bit her pencil, pensive “Well, I read your essay and I must say we have a lot to talk about” She admitted.

“You’re really into the character” You joked, her eyes darted to you, a small smile on her lips before she nodded “What do you want to talk about, Doc?” She laughed at this, her pencil tapping her lips twice before she spun it again.

“I think we should begin with your brother” Her tone was cautious, and your mood dropped immediately, a sigh leaving your lips “As far as I understand, everything began there, right? Do you care to talk about it? I know you wrote it down but I want to hear it from you… It’s different when we hear something and when we read it. Sometimes lyrics seem to change when you just sing it in a different way” You looked at her, impressed with her words. You did feel different when you were writing all you had to say. You felt barely anything. As if it didn’t matter. As if you didn’t miss him at all.

But you did.

“He… Well, he died at a young age” You started unsurely, your eyes focused on the ceiling “He had cancer” You added, eyes meeting hers for a split of a second, eager to see her reaction, to see if she pitied you like everyone that had found out but she stood there, reassuring eyes looking at you, motivating you to continue “He didn’t make it” You cursed at yourself. Of course, he didn’t make it, he was dead.

“That’s okay, take your time” She said after you sighed, feeling exhausted already “Do you want me to play a song for you?” She asked suddenly, taking you by surprise. You frowned at her, astonished at her random question, nodding mindlessly, too lost to think about what to answer. She got up, going away for a minute and coming back with a ukulele, playing some song you didn’t really recognize but sounded sad enough “…Cuz losing me is better than losing you, ah… Don’t you know that I would die for you? If I knew that you would make it through… Cuz losing me is better than losing you, ah…”

“Are you trying to make me cry?” You asked, tearing up, and she stopped her strumming, looking at you “I mean, I get it! I lost my brother! He was way too young for this!” You didn’t realize you were yelling until you felt your lungs burning, your eyes widening as you ranted. Your throat hurt as you tried to hold back your tears. Your heart seemed to sink in your chest as if your pain and grief could drag you down.

As if the only thing that held your body until now was your pain.

“I think that’s how your heart sounds right now, so I sang it” She said it like it was nothing; like she didn’t just open a scar on your heart. You wanted to get up and storm out of there but you didn’t. You just stood there, holding your tears back, fixing your gaze on the ceiling with all you had in you “Do you think you’re like this because your brother died?” You shut your eyes, breathing heavily.

“What do you mean? I’m like what? A fuckboy? Yeah! I just fuck people around because my brother is dead!” You scoffed “That must be it! You would be a great psychologist!” You sat up, ready to go away. You couldn’t take that shit. You would be going to Professor Lee and tell him to get his shit together because he couldn’t be doing this kind of essay with a bunch of undergraduates as if they knew what they were doing.

“Do you blame him?” She asked out of nowhere and you shoot her a glare, anger filling you up “Do you blame him for dying? Do you blame him for the divorce?” You could just slap her right now but you didn’t, you looked at her bewildered, unsure if you should laugh at her stupidity or if you should just go “Do you blame him for the divorce?” She repeated, her eyes cold as ice, burying into yours.

“How can I blame him? Are you stupid?” You got up, ready to go away but as soon as you reached the door, and you stopped in your tracks, turning around “You know what? You’re dumb! Do you think you’re a real psychologist or something? What the hell are you thinking right now?” She didn’t seem affected by your outburst at all, looking at you calmly before speaking.

“I think you miss him” She said, her fingers strumming the ukulele again “I think he was too young to die, and I think it scares you… I think your mother is a bitch…” She looked at you in the eyes, serious as you never saw her “And I think you’re too afraid of death to allow yourself to connect with someone, so when you face a conversation like this you prefer to run away instead of talking about your fear”

It would hurt less if she just slapped you in the face.

“I think you should mind your own business…” You muttered, embarrassed, and she snorted, getting up from her chair, leaving her ukulele there, resting her hand on the hand you had on the doorknob, eyes concerned.

“You’re my business until we finish that essay” She reminded you, patting your back “And I think you need to vent about your mother… I think you have to mourn your brother’s death… I’m not a psychologist but I can be your friend, Hyunjin, I can hear you out” This time when your eyes met, you felt soft inside, strangely touched by her words, wishing to stay and talk.

“I don’t blame him… He fought against it the best he could, he did all he could” You muttered, breaking the silence, and her hand squeezed your shoulder to encourage you to keep talking, you let go from the doorknob “And I know I couldn’t change it even if I tried, I’m not dumb… It’s just that I wished it was me” You sighed, feeling the tears prickling your eyes.

“Why? Do you want to die?” You rolled your eyes at her, face morphing into a fed-up grimace “Well, that’s basically what you’re saying to me” She pointed out, insulted by your expression, “Would it be better if it was you? I think your brother wouldn’t be happy to be raised by your mother!”

“Are you saying it’s good my brother died?” You asked amused, her mouth agape, shocked that you would even say something like this.

“No! I’m saying you’re suffering and if you switched places with him, he would be the one suffering right now. Is that what you want? Maybe you should say that you wished he was here… Not that it was you” Her voice was kind when she said it, and she finally let go of your shoulder, walking back to her chair, you followed her, sitting on the couch again “When you say that you wished it was you, it sounds like you don’t think you matter at all… I mean, do you think Chan would be happy without you? Because I think you matter to him, you know?”

“Well, I know I matter to him…” You agreed, pondering if you should add your thoughts. You looked at Paris, who seemed unjudging, waiting for you to say whatever you had in mind, and sighed “… But I think Y/N is more important to him” You added, averting your eyes. You rooted your eyes on the ground, fingers intertwined, supporting your chin as you waited for a reaction, the silence growing heavy, making you feel more and more ashamed.

Your eyes shot up when you heard her snort.

“I can’t believe it! Is that why you pick on her so much?! You’re jealous?” She burst out laughing, holding her stomach as she tried to recompose herself, her fake psychologist facade going down the drain as she grunted like a pig, unable to control her laughing. She just lost it. You twitched uncomfortably, shy about her reaction.

“I wouldn’t call it jealou—“ You tried to say but she interrupted you promptly.

“Oh, but I would!” She wiped a tear from the corner of her eyes, sighing pleased with the news “So you don’t hate her… That’s nice, actually. I think you two are a good match, you know? I’m not shipping you guys, don’t get me wrong” She rolled her eyes as you grimaced, disgusted by her suggestion “I mean that you guys have a lot more in common than you think… I really think that if you guys bonded, you would benefit from this relationship” She confessed, looking at you in deep thought “Maybe I should try to establish a truce between you two? I promise both of you will evolve a lot if you guys just talk about your feelings, I think you will feel found”

You laughed at the thought.

It was absurd.

“There’s no way in hell we could be friends” You waved your hand, shrugging off the idea “Even if I wasn’t jealous, which I’m not! Really! I don’t think she would like to share anything with me” You snorted, Paris had to be delusional “She hates me” You added, more serious now. She made an unreadable expression, tightening her lips as she weighted what she was going to say.

“Does she really? I think both of you are childish and blind… I’ll make you get along, you can write it down! Both of you need each other, you have a lot to learn together” She seemed obstinate; eyes sparking with determination “Now, let’s get back to you!” She crossed her legs again, taking her notebook and preparing herself to write things down “What do you want to say to me right now?”

“That you look ridiculous” You joked, laughing as she stuck her tongue out for you “Well… I think you should write about my mother in your part of the project” You suggested “The thing is that she doesn’t care about me, she didn’t care about my brother and she was a bitch to my father… I just feel I can’t rely on her, and it makes me feel vulnerable” You never thought you would say this out loud, especially to Paris. She took her notes, thinking deeply about what you were saying before looking at you again.

“Why do you think she was a bitch? You didn’t write it in your essay… I was wondering what she did before. Why did she get divorced?” She asked, unsure if you would be comfortable talking about this, and you shrugged, sighing.

“She cheated on my dad while my brother was in the hospital” You summed it up, chuckling at her flabbergasted expression “Yeah… She cheated on him and didn’t support us at all, she just let my father alone with me and my ill brother, so… Well, yeah… She is rich and the mother, so the judge obviously thought I would be better off with her, and here I am now” You extended your arms in a dramatic gesture, gesturing at yourself with your palms up “She just thinks she can buy anything and it will be alright” You shrugged.

“Wow, your mother sounds awful” She blurted, widening her eyes as she realized she was badmouthing your mother again, this time not using your words.

“That’s okay” You reassured her “She’s awful… Not as awful as your father though” She nodded, chuckling “Do you… Do you think I would be like you if my dad raised me?” You muttered under your breath, eyes darting to your hands as you waited for her answer.

“What do you mean? You’re not that bad, Hyunjin” She frowned, kicking you lightly so you would look at her “Okay, you’re a fuckboy… What else makes you so unbearable? You have good grades, I never saw you hurting anyone, and you’re neither a killer nor an abuser… Why do you think so low of yourself?” You shot your brows up, surprised.

“You don’t think I’m awful? I mean… I can only imagine Y/N cussing me around and stuff” You laughed “I thought you didn’t like me as well” You admitted, making her giggle.

“Y/N doesn’t even talk about you, don’t get ahead of yourself, darling” She mocked you, smiling when you blushed, embarrassed for assuming you were a topic of her conversations “Also, I didn’t really like you but I didn’t hate you either… It’s just that we don’t have much in common, right? You don’t like music or volleyball… Or Y/N” You laughed at that, crossing your arms.

“You don’t like volleyball either! You didn’t even know Han couldn’t make a point!” You accused, making her laugh. She shrugged, looking at you mischievously.

“I have my reasons…” Her tone was mysterious but she giggled right after, killing her own vibe “Anyway, we just didn’t click! Tell me, what do you like to do? When you’re not hooking up with girls, I mean” She hid her smile when you rolled your eyes.

“I don’t know… Watching Dramas? I like to watch things by myself, I guess… Sometimes Chan joins me” You shrugged “Does it count as a bonding thing?”

“Are you kidding me?!” She squealed “Of course it does! Screw this project, let’s watch something!” She chirped, throwing herself on the couch and turning the TV on. You looked at her amazed. What the hell?! She didn’t pay you any attention, surfing through the channels, looking for something that interested her “Do you have a preference? Let’s watch something romantic! Maybe an animation?! We could watch a horror movie too! Are you a scared cat? Hm… Maybe we should watch something calmer?” She started to ramble, ignoring completely your attempts to voice your thought.

“You can choose anything, I don’t mind at all” You reassured her, amused by her rambling. She finally decided to give you the controller, squeezing your shoulder as if you had a really important mission to the world.

“You choose it, I will pick up the ice cream” She tightened her lips and nodded, proud of her idea, “I think after a heart to heart we can enjoy ourselves, right? It’s to cheer you up” You scoffed as she got up, going to the minibar and picking up two ice cream pots, searching around for the spoons in the kitchen as you choose a random movie that had just started. She sat across you, handing you the ice cream and focusing herself on eating hers, don’t really paying attention to the movie at all.

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