#not actually but what the fuck were you doing in there it was literal sludge

[oasisofgalaxies]

The concept of like. Heaven and Hell though time is really funny when you think about it. Society’s morals have changed so much in what people deem good or bad, what is or isn’t a sin. So that begs the question of, like, does Heaven and Hell have preset rules of what’s good and bad? Or does it reflect what society believes is good or bad?

Does it… update? Does god just walk into Heaven every few decades and go “Hey guys we updated the terms of service again so some of you gotta go to hell now, sorry”

[here-there-were-dragons]

as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.

this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

More Czech regional weirdness

After the sudden popularity of my Brno weirdness masterpost and on popular demand I decided to make another masterpost, this time featuring the third largest city of the republic, Ostrava, and associated regions.

Everyone who lives in or around Ostrava or who has ever visited is very much welcome and encouraged to add on to this post, let's make this the ultimate Cursed Place Account

(a pologies, I had to, the message is just literally perfect for this place)

Originally, Ostrava was a pretty regular small village on the northeasternmost edge of the region of Moravia, and it was only sometime in the mid-1800s when some pretty big black coal deposits were discovered. After that, Ostrava rapidly grew like an all-consuming beast, absorbing all the surrounding villages into one huge patchwork of semi-villages, miner collonies and massive fuck-off mining areas and factories.

Let's say the word 'clusterfuck' would be a fitting description of Ostrava.

Because of the heavy industry, the entire region became the most polluted area in the entire country and one of the most polluted places in Europe.

We would actually get smog warnings urging us to close our windows and go outside as little as possible because the pollution was too severe that day and it was just a normal part of my life growing up

The weird thing is - we actually have a surprisingly low percentage of lung cancer diagnoses compared to the rest of the country! There is an ongoing rumor that the habitants of Ostrava evolved a special gene that starts showing up after the third generation living here. This gene allegedly helps people's bodies to handle the everpresent pollution.

Mining was and kinda still is the defining aspect of this place

The blue marks are all the mines in the Ostrava-Karviná area

Here we actually have one of the first proofs of humans using black coal! Remains of mammoth hunter settlements from the Paleolithic were found, with remains of black coal in campfires

It's difficult to get large new buildings built because the soil is unstable. This is also why we can never have metro. Occasional mine collapses cause minor earthquakes sometimes. There is also a risk during floods that the mines could collapse and sink half the city. This has already happened in the nearby Karviná and Orlová

The leaning church of Karviná, which started sinking because of the collapsing mines underneath.

Halda Ema, beloved by locals, also sometimes called the Vesuvius of Ostrava, is not actually a hill! It's a gigantic pile of mined-out soil with coal residue that is still burning inside after decades.

That smoke you see is toxic methane fumes. The hill is a popular spot for the locals to go on walks and picnics, even in winter as the heat from the fire inside the hill is enough to melt the snow on the hill. The only requirement is that you don't light a cigarette too close to the smoke

We also used to have oil lagoons where factories were pumping tons of garbage. When they finally (partly) got rid of the lagoons, they found hundreds of bird skeletons sunk on the bottom.

After 1989 industry started rapidly declining here, which led to many, many, MANY abandoned industrial and industry-related buildings

Behold - an abandoned chemical plant. My father says that there's still pools of toxic sludge that you'll sink into like in a swamp and there won't be any leftovers to find after you

Vítkovice train station, possibly the biggest train station in the city, now all but abandoned after the nearby steelworks closed. You Do Not Want To Be There. Trust me.

Another train station has what I call the Seizure Walk

(photo by @hidden-but)

When you walk there at a particular speed the black and white stripes can cause you some pretty darn severe nausea

The walk also ends in The Limbo

(from @kohoutek-lucni)

There's also a tiny church on a street lamp

The fun thing is that you can always find the area on a map at least in terms of maps depicting pollution, carcinogens, or election results

Please do add more stuff!

[scrubbinn]

Mimic HRT: 20 months “Broken patients”

“Ah Ms.Mulberry… I, er, didn’t expect to see you. This early I mean. Making use of that outside privilege we worked so hard to get you. Of course you would. We managed to set the standard that all of your kind will keep their citizenship status until their crossroads, rather than at the start of their treatment. But, we’ll need to make sure this doesn’t happen again. Why don’t you- Ah, already taking a seat I see. So then… How are we feeling today? You seem… yourself.”

“...”

“Well, let’s see, what we can expect now is a few more days in court just to settle things, make sure the government is satisfied with the arrangements we all agreed upon. We’ll also need a few weeks to determine if this therian support group is actually reputable enough that this will count towards your psychological evaluation. Recently there have been some rumors about the manager being a bit unsavory, so that will cause a delay, if not entirely set you back some time. Really now, you must have realized finding a professional therapist would have been a much safer move… Excuse me, Ms.Mulberry, can I inquire why-

“You will not. Now keep talking.”

“Ms.Mulberry you seem rather upset, perhaps-

“You’re wondering why I decided to not use my mimicry to disguise a face for myself today. Oh believe me, I would have loved to walk in here a mass of sludge with eyes and teeth all over but it turns out human society doesn’t really like that too much. Having a head with no eyes to look at is a courtesy I am giving you. It’s more than you deserve. What the fuck is all this talk of we? You weren’t even at the last fucking meeting. Our lawyer wasn’t even at the last fucking meeting!”

“You’re clearly distressed, you should leave the premises immed-

“SHUT UP! YOU DON’T GET TO TALK!... Just shut up and listen. There is no we. As far as I am aware, this bullshit lawsuit against your clinic is the most roundabout way to specifically get me into a criminal court considering this incident didn’t even take place in hyper city. The lawyer I was given is somehow less competent than you are! Do you know how much time I’ve spent these past two months learning, specifically, Hyper city legal jargon? How overly complex a nexus point’s laws have to be to account for literally anything! And you left us to sink or swim! I could pass the fucking bar exam here if I wanted to at this point! And the worst part, oh my god the worst part. It cost me everything. I can’t so much as afford a hot dog on the way back home now. Because you’re some blinding asshole who thinks I should have to pay for everything! Well you know what? Perhaps you should be the one paying now! I am going to drag you down into the mud with me. Do you really think I don’t know why you never showed up, why I had to do everything? Because what's one experiment to you? Scape-goat, lab-rat, guinea pig, a mimicry of something human no longer. The second your clinic was in the clear, you left me to fend for myself. I can't believe I had an ounce of pity for you. When you comforted my decision to stop at my crossroad I actually thought you cared about me. That there was someone that could understand my fears!”

“Mayday that was what I was doing! I saw someone in pain and I did my best! I-

“Your best?! Oh my. Ha. Hahahaha. You don't even get it yourself do you? No you idiot! You comforted us because you saw the last shred of our humanity and told us to never let go of it. You're not clever Theodore. Inside that mind of yours whether you admit it or not, the second we start this treatment, you see all of us as inferior and beneath you. You self-righteous bastard. You know what, how about I let you talk. Won't cut you off this time. I want you to explain to me what your goal is. Why do you help us when you could simply refuse? Why put yourself through this? 

“And if I don’t feel the need to justify my actions to someone threatening me? What if I were to call security to drag out a crazed patient? What would you do then?”

“What would I do? I'll know the second you push that panic button, and we both know what we can do to a human body. Don’t make me go through that again.”

“Right then, I suppose I'll have to give you a truth that will satisfy you in this clear state of psychosis brought about by a clear lack of sleep and several stressors.” 

“We both know you're nowhere near trained to be a psychiatrist. Stick to working with hormone levels Mr. endocrinologist.”

“You want the truth? Fine, How's about this? Some witch had weird friends and made a promise of a lot of money if I sold her magic as a medicine. Happy? No? Of course not! That's not what you're asking you frea- No. I won't let you get the better of me. You want to know why I stuck around. Why after all these years I haven't retired… I really could, couldn't I. There are other doctors, for over a year I haven't been the only one supplying this stuff. I've had my fair share of attacks both verbally and physically from both sides of this city. I'm not sticking around because I have to, I've made enough breakthroughs and connections to create my own hormonal formulas without the need of the witch who dragged me in this business in the first place. There are so many reasons to retire and let my legacy live on in the scientific textbooks of all worlds. But no. The truest reason I fight for this clinic is to see people who walk through these doors happy! I see dozens of brilliant and kind souls walk through this door, ones who had the unfortunate fate of being born in the wrong body! I am giving my time, life, reputation, and money to help people because that is its own rewar- Stop growling! You said no interruptions!”

“Well you're clearly lying to yourself if you actually think seeing us happy is your end goal. Or were you not paying attention when I had to remind you that you abandoned me in a court case that shouldn't have even legally happened. They spent half their time trying to get the victim, my god damn girlfriend, to indict me as a crazed lunatic. If their goal was to crush me mentally and physically then they succeeded. Otherwise it was just a waste of time. I can’t even fathom how much time they must have if spending it going after an otherkin that slightly bothered them is possible! There is one thing that I got out of it though. There is one glimmer of light in this forsaken tunnel. Because that useless lawyer let me get a look at all the documentation of this clinic. Maybe the reason for this case was just for them to get a look at it. Find something to pin you with. Either way I guess everything you do is legal since they never went after you about it. But still, getting to read everything you’ve ever done has been quite the eye opener. Every experiment and procedure you’ve ever done.”

“And? As you already said, everything I’ve done is above the board and… Wait, you couldn’t possibly think of leaking those to the general public? You shouldn't even have them anymore. Making copies like that is illegal! If you leak those documents then you’ll go down with me. This is all a bluff to you.”

“Erian, you should know better than anyone how well we can disappear. Or how well we could make you disappear. Besides, for the record, I never said I made copies, but perhaps I might have. I just want you to know exactly where we stand. You hurt me, but I’m not so petty as to hurt you back. Instead you’re going to give me a job here. As an assistant.”

“This might be the worst job interview I’ve ever held. You do realize blackmail makes an awful resume don’t you? But I can’t exactly decline now can I. Tell me Mayday. What happened to the young woman who came here scared yet excited for a better life? You once said you wanted to work here before, but resort to this kind of behavior. Why even take a job here? It would make your bargaining chip even worse for you than for me?”

“Look, despite everything. What you’ve done to us, what you’ve done to others. Everything I learned. I, don't hate you. It’s not in my nature. I am quite literally doing this because it is my only option to not starve. And despite my attempts to hate you this whole confrontation I can't hold onto it for long. I get that what you think you're doing is some greater good for therians. But you're not the misunderstood hero you think you are. You're just seeking attention. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad you just end up making awful problems for everyone in the name of research that at best, will only ever appear in a science textbook, and you know that. Look, it's ok, I get what it’s like to seek that sort of validation. I could help you. Please, just give me the job.”

“You are wrong about me Mayday, you consider me obsessed with my image of a hero but perhaps your delusions about me are simply your obsession. I don't have a choice in giving you a job. I suppose I'll find something for you that's out of the way. I can’t say I'm excited to work with you. But perhaps you'll make a good legal advisor for now if you're as well versed in law as you say you are. No, trusting you with that would be a mistake, we’ll start you off as a janitor perhaps, I’m sure your body’s makeup should help you in that field. Besides, janitors are already basically invisible to everyone else, I’m sure your mimic mind would prefer that.”

“Oh no, we are not ending this conversation like that. Legal advisor? Janitor? Are you trying to make us angry again? No, I'm staying as far away from those kinds of positions as possible! You'll be paying for my degree and I'm working directly as an assistant. This isn't something you can negotiate!”

“I think you’ll find that it is! Because as far as I’m concerned, you’ll settle for any job. You don’t have the power to demand what position I find for you. The second you have this job, it becomes too valuable to destroy. You will accept this role or you will sink us both. Do I make myself clear?”

“I- I could attack you. You know a bite from me could kill you! I’ll do it!”

“You’ve already played your hand Mayday, I know most of this conversation was just a bluff from you anyways. Be thankful that, if I feel generous enough, I’ll forget this little incident when the time comes that I can secure this clinic’s future without fear of your threats. I do see many brilliant souls walk through this door. It’s a shame you weren’t one of them. But, I’m someone who cares about my patients despite your attacks on my character. I’ll give you one last chance to convince me why I shouldn’t give you the worst possible job I could find.”

“I- You’re right. This is just a bluff. I can’t even call it a roar, this is just my last whimper before I lose everything. I don’t. There’s nothing left after today. Abi can’t afford to take care of me. Going back home is what caused this mess in the first place. Theo, I’m here because you are my last lifeline. You can decline my employment if you want. I never actually copied the evidence I saw. I’m just a mimic of empty threats. My last echo before I disappear. I’m just scared. We lost.”

“Mayday… You are certainly good at trying my patience as well as heartstrings. Fine then, I’ll overlook these threats of yours as brought about by desperation. You will never state to the public what rumors they might have claimed as evidence, and you will be worked down to the bone- er, tooth, as an assistant. Do I make myself clear?”

“Oh my stars thank you!”

“Please do not mention it.”

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Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315

@aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywyne, @glitchgloop, @nyxthewary, @lunadook

[terramythos]

MY TOP 25 WORST POKEMON

i posted my top 25 favorite pokemon a couple days ago so now i get to be a certified hater.

25. Barraskewda

wow an 'angry fish' pokemon design! i have certainly not seen this exact fucking concept in every single pokemon gen to date. i'm so glad that the 8th generation of pokemon has blessed us with such an original premise. it's not like Barraskewda is a particularly bad design, would probably be 'pretty good' if we got it 20 years ago-- but it is emblematic of the cynical, formula-at-all-costs drive that plagues much of modern pokemon.

24. Galarian Mr. Mime

can someone please tell me what this regional variant does that the original Mr. Mime does not? oh wow, it's fucking blue now. it's a shame there's not a system in the game since gen 2 designed around alternate color schemes. who gives a shit. if this thing is so pointless it's making me defend GEN 1 MR MIME then it's DIRE.

23. Magneton

magneton has the unique distinction on this list of being a pokemon i have actually used in my in-game team before. the thing is, i don't hate magneton THAT much. similar to barraskewda, magneton sucks because of what it represents. a lot of criticism of modern (gen 5 and beyond) pokemon design is that so many are 'just objects' which automatically makes them bad. these EXACT critics then defend gen 1 as the pinnacle of pokemon design originality. are you fucking stupid? gen 1 originals: magnemite is a magnet with an eyeball. magneton is three of them fucking bolted together. WOW, such creativity, truly the pinnacle of design. jackasses.

22. Onix

kind of looks like a poo, which i suppose is appropriate considering how shit onix is in the actual game, too. to me onix is so close to being a cool pokemon if there was any imagination with the design. steelix is a little better i guess but so prohibitively difficult to obtain in casual play that you're probably stuck with this crap regardless.

21. Togdemaru

this is by far the worst pikachu clone in the series and it's not even close. it's trying to be both pikachu and... togepi for some reason and fails at both. there is NOTHING interesting about this thing. furthermore, two OTHER pikachu 'clones' were also introduced in Sun/Moon: Alolan Raichu and Mimikyu, BOTH of which have extremely creative and beloved designs. you could literally remove this thing from the game and no one would give a shit.

20. Huntail

gen 3 is infamous for having so many water routes in the game and thus, a TON of water-type pokemon. of all of these, huntail is by far the least memorable. it's the obscure SPLIT evolution of a pokemon that looks (1) nothing like it, and (2) you can't even get until late enough in the game that you already have a better water type. and on top of it he's fuck ugly. i guess i can appreciate the ringed octopus spots (? i HAVE to assume that's what those are) but this thing isn't even an octopus! i feel cheated.

19. Hypno

ignoring the infamous creepy (not in a good way) lore with this thing, hypno just looks awful. i don't want this thing anywhere near me. why is it here. who designed this and why do they hate happiness

18. Chesnaught

not only does chesnaught look like shit, not only is it the disappointing conclusion of a starter pokemon line... it was introduced in the generation that brought us DELPHOX and GRENINJA, two very popular final starter evos. this thing is so outclassed i kind of feel bad for it, but not enough to take it off this list.

17. Alolan Muk

what if we took muk, a literal pile of sludge, and gave it a regional variant that looks like an oil spill? but for some reason instead of making that cool and interesting we make it look like someone chewed and swallowed 30 sticks of multicolor bubblegum and then threw up. they don't even do anything with its shape or general appearance. it just looks like the original muk but worse. terrible.

16. Cosmoem

pokemon sun and moon were very story driven games. one of the main pokemon characters is a Cosmog named Nebby, who (spoilers) eventually evolves into the box legendary, either Solgaleo for Sun or Lunala for Moon. and here we have the utterly insignificant middle evolution that serves zero narrative purpose and looks a little like a puckered asshole. wet fart of a pokemon if i am being fully honest

15. Ambipom

what if we took aipom and made it offputting and disturbing and also gave it a bowl cut for some reason? say no more. oh god while looking at this and typing i just realized it looks like a teletubby. get this fucking creature away from me

14. Karrablast

i'll be honest i completely forgot this thing existed until i started making this list. have i ever really THOUGHT about karrablast? do i have any associations with it at all? honestly, fuck this thing on principle. BY THE WAY karrablast came out in gen 5 in the exact same game as a different bug-type evolutionary line with a yellow-blue color scheme. and joltik/galvantula are superior to whatever this thing is

13. Druddigon

this thing perplexes me. why is its head red. why does it look like leaves? something that has absolutely nothing to do with its concept? i think maybe this is supposed to be the dragon on the welsh flag (??????) but it's literally introduced in the game set in New York. i do not like this guy at all

12. Rhyperior

WERE rhydon stans clamoring for an evolution? did they want an evolution that ignores everything cool about rhydon's design? everything about this thing looks like dog shit trash. i'm actually a little offended on their behalf that this passed the initial design pitch.

11. Okidogi

i am so out of the loop on pokemon that i didn't even know this thing existed until a day ago. and boy do i hate it. absolutely fucking awful design that is derivative of.... Zygarde's dog form for some fucking reason? this is where children's cartoon villain ideas go to die. terrible

10. Diggersby

why does it look like that. an insult to bnuuy pokemon and i hope to never see it again. i think it's even worse that its prevo bunnelby is actually passably cute.

9. Barbaracle

let's take a really cool fucking concept (a pokemon based on barnacles) and make it as fucking ugly and awful as possible. there is so much wasted potential that it makes me almost as angry as this thing looks.

8. Tyrogue

one of the most boring pokemon designs possible. i get that tyrogue is supposed to be a 'blank slate' pokemon since it has 3 different evolutions. but you know what else is a blank slate pokemon? EEVEE, one of the most popular pokemon in fucking existence, because it's cute and people generally love its evolutions. tyrogue has nothing going for it. furthermore it was introduced after two of its three evolutions (hitmonlee and hitmonchan), so it's a pointless gimmick pokemon anyway. just remove this thing and make hitmontop a single-evo pokemon and nothing changes

7. Raging Bolt

ASDHJGASFGVjgsldfgkjsdf? hghsejkfhlsefkjghsefg????? sejklrfghlsdkhjfgSDKFSFUKGDHfgshjfg

6. Galarian Weezing

on paper i think this is a funny idea for a regional form but god does it miss the mark for me. WHY did they make the smog fucking oobleck green? why make it fake facial hair? why is weezing an old-timey british capitalist. i am not exaggerating that looking at this thing makes me a little sick to my stomach.

5. Grimmsnarl

I remember being so thrilled at the idea of an imp-based pokemon line. i actually quite liked the designs of both Impidimp and Morgrem. and... THIS is really what they went with for the final evolution? furry green goblin on steroids? i cannot find a single thing i like about this design, it is such a baffling pokemon to me on all levels.

4. Scovillain

truly how do you manage to fumble both the incredibly awesome Grass/Fire typing AND a design centered around HOT PEPPERS. jesus fucking christ this thing is awful, truly i believe it is one of the worst pokemon designs on both an objective and personal level in terms of execution and missed potential. i am honestly embarrassed for whoever designed this.

3. Grookey

i skipped pokemon sword/shield for many different reasons, but i am completely serious that this being the grass starter was one of them. i absolutely fucking hate this thing, it is my least favorite starter by a country mile and i wanted to avoid seeing it at all fucking costs.

2. Eiscue

sometimes it is a singular design decision that ruins a pokemon. and for me it's the fact there is a fucking HAIR coming out of the ice cube at the top. i'm all for hair but in the context of an ice cube i am potentially using in a drink??? gross, gross gross gross, ew ew ew ew ew i fucking hate this pokemon

Cryogonal

the patron saint itself and the reason i am even making this post. i absolutely despise cryogonal. the unimaginative and derivative design, NOTHING interesting to look at, its stupid 'mouth'. it makes no sense in the context of its game (again: WHAT gen 1 pokemon is this supposed to be an analogue for? you know the whole POINT behind the gen 5 pokedex???). my hatred of this thing is so profound. this thing could be wiped from history and nothing would change.

[wormlips]

The way I got into Thramsay, I was frightened at the thought of reading ff about them, even though I shipped the guys from Killing stalking — arguably not as whumpy. But, they were the most toxic pairing I’d shipped, up until that point. I had only ever watched GoT too, till recently. I thought the fanfiction would be darker, I think. But I was still intrigued, cause I did draw them on one occasion. Then like 5 years later, I came to check this tag on a whim, and had such a visceral reaction to some fanart on here. Long story short, I now strangely ship three pairings where one half of the ship kidnapped (“kidnapped”) the other. And two where one character has .. lost some bits. *whispers* how are there two?? 💀

Yeah it's funny how you can tell yourself 'im just going to take a quick look' and then fall head-first into things. like you never saw it coming but suddenly it's a part of your life

or dismissing a thing only to return years later and realize that it was right up your alley all along

Your ask made me write even more because like you I hadn’t shipped anything on thramsay's level before so i didnt have a good frame of reference what it might have been like but i were intrigued too and it's cathartic putting into words what i think makes them so captivating to me

I definitely had interest in toxic relationships with abusive and dark elements in it long before but none where one of them had literally removed body parts from the other. I think Ive always been on the softer side so I need (needed? Idk if i do currently) some sort of mutual feelings even if it is irrational or non genuine like people who cant help but still love someone who hurts them or the reverse - loves someone but cant keep from hurting them. The DA fic kind of pushed that to its limits but it contained some sort of lingering sentimentality amidst graphic descriptions of flaying and i was thinking you can do that??? Though in that fic the torturer had been corrupted by magic so their relationship had been normal at one point which separates it from thramsay. but it had been proven to me that ppl could justify* ”love” in horrible conditions that is interesting to read and i should stop writing but i went into thramsay fics to find out if someone had done so (also whatever else, i was fucking around to find out)

It just hits the spot i ❤️ characters being conflicted about their lover and i want to be unable to tell if the ”love” they feel for their counterpart is actually something else

even though i'm not particularly into show-verse thramsay anymore the best example i can give is the infamous bathing scene where ramsay asks if reek loves him and reek says of course with full conviction and it's like obviously it isn't true though reek might feel like he does because he has conditioned himself to have that response, he brainwashed himself to cope and for safety because he has to believe so ramsay can't find out he's lying but then if he thinks he feels it so much that he does............? how do we define real vs fake love an-... whatever i'm going too far we don't need a philosophical discussion of this rn

you can make it worse by switching between him being self aware of all this to fully believing he's always been ramsay's, the way he slips back into theon's thinking patterns in the book from reek's and anything inbetween until you have toxic sludge on your hands and furthest thing from a normal, healthy relationship

and even more fun if you do the same to ramsay, it doesn't have to be real love but it's such a clingy obsession and dependency, mutual belonging and the idea that he will always return so his closeness, his whispers will be likened to that of a lover because what else is there to compare it to *there's probably a better way i could put it but by justify i mean the author writing something that makes sense from the character's point of view. i don't want to be misconstrued

[cricketnationrise]

Hello hello! Could I get 11:11, the white house, and June for your ficlet fest? Thank youuu ❤️

Of course! I went with a missing moment from canon from the line: "...giving him the same strange look she gave him over coffee the morning after Henry snuck into his room." Hope you enjoy! 💜

want your own ficlet? rules here.

❤️🤍💙❤️🤍💙

white house, 11:11am

June wakes up the morning after the State Dinner a little hungover and supremely comfortable. It’s one part her bed, and one part Nora’s arm slung around her waist, pulling her close in the night. Nora had been almost manic last night after the dinner wrapped, loathe to go back to her apartment in Columbia Heights. June let herself be pulled into Nora’s energy and they’d stayed up way too late watching old episodes of Drag Race and talking about anything and everything. 

June would dearly love to close her eyes and go back to sleep, but the sun is falling right across her pillow and she really has to pee. She’s as careful as possible extricating herself from Nora’s hold, trying not to wake her, but Nora pulls tighter and grumbles something unintelligible yet undeniably (and adorably) pissed off into June’s neck.

“Sorry – gotta pee,” June says quietly.

Nora doesn’t open her eyes but does relax her hold – slightly. June slips free and makes her way to the bathroom. She feels more human when she’s done – less like the sludge found at the bottom of a protein shake – and washes her face for good measure. Back in her room, Nora is asleep again, curled up in the covers, clutching June’s pillow close. June can’t help but stare at her best friend looking so at home in June’s bed. There’s a thrill somewhere in the vicinity of her stomach, but June pushes it down. Tells herself firmly that it’s the hangover.

She needs coffee.

June leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind her, and heads to the Residence kitchen in search of the life-giving liquid. Unsurprisingly, Alex is there already. What is surprising is that he isn’t slumped over the island groaning in pain like a particularly dramatic and whiny table runner. Instead, he’s texting furiously – his cinnamon-scented coffee still full and obviously untouched beside him. 

Something about the sight is strange. Alex is always in motion, mind always racing to the next thing, the next step in the plan, always wanting to be doing. But right now, aside from his thumbs typing away, he’s still – not even a foot jiggling to disturb the aura of serenity. He looks cozy in sweats, his curly hair even more of a riot than they normally are in the mornings. If June had to guess, she’d say her brother looks settled, content to just be in a way she hasn’t seen him since before Ellen ran for President – before the divorce even. 

The smile tugging at his mouth throws her for the biggest loop, actually. It’s not his media smile – all teasing and straight teeth. It's not the smile he flashes to staffers and their own mother occasionally. She’s seen all-too-often since New Year’s – the I-have-to-grin-and-bear-it-because-I’ll-drown-otherwise one that makes June want to burn the world down for him. 

This smile is small, quiet even, almost as though he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. June hasn’t ever seen her brother smile like that – like he’s so fucking astonishingly pleased with his life he can’t contain it.

Alex eventually puts his phone down to stretch and catches sight of June in the doorway.

“Mornin’, Bug. Coffee’s fresh if you want.” He must have done more talking at the State Dinner than June had noticed – his voice is all raspy. June doesn’t move, still staring at how at home he looks in his own skin. It’s such a dramatic difference even from the night before where he’d literally been bouncing anxiously on his toes in the handshake line.

“June? You awake? You’re givin’ me a weird look.”

She shakes herself mentally, gives him a rueful smile. “Apparently not fully awake yet, Nora and I were up late talking after the dinner.”

“All the more reason for coffee then,” he teases. His phone buzzes again and Alex’s attention is redirected to it in the blink of an eye. Whatever the text is, it has Alex snorting in laughter and responding as quickly as he can. She leans against the counter and watches him over the lip of her own coffee cup. Something changed for him last night; something for the better.

“Oh hey,” Alex’s voice startles her out of her thoughts. “Eleven-eleven, make a wish, June.”

She smiles at him and closes her eyes, wishing hard that whatever is making her brother so happy lasts for a long time.

[deusvervewrites]

Endeavor in Aldera!Uraraka AU post Sludge: So you're telling me, not only were you all so incompetent my youngest almost got murdered, but you then scolded the kid who actually tried to do something. A literal *child* had to do your job for you, and instead of accepting you fucked up, you yelled at him, and also upset my son in the process? Is this what I'm hearing, and going to need to report to the HPSC?

That's gotta be rough for Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods, who seem to be pretty new on the scene, but at least those two did something. Even so getting scolded by the Number Two can't be great for morale

Death Arms and Slugger are in for a short career, methinks.

[toxicsludgeyaoi]

Toxic Sludge Yaoi Tournament: Kittails (Sonic IDW Comics) Vs Oncecest (The Lorax)

(No images provided. Vote for whichever you like more.)

Propaganda under cut. Note: spoilers for these medias may be below.

Kittails propaganda

"They WOULD be cute but DAM does Kit have some serious trauma to resolve... to summarize, kit is extremely reliant on others and has extreme separation anxiety and codependency issues. He was created by doctor starline in an attempt to copy Tail:s apparent personality (however, starline has the wrong idea of who tails actually is, as tails is not as codependent). Kit was quite literally created to rival sonic and tails. So that already automatically set their relationship to a rivalry. Kit and tails first ever interaction is fighting. And y'know what- we actually get positive interactions! Tails tries complimentong kit, soon they get along yada yada I don't exactly remember what happens, after some time though surge (kits older sister figure that's meant to mirror sonic) allegedly dies which puts kit into extreme depression. So now that he's lost surge (whom he had previously devoted his whole life to, due to the aforementioned codependence), he tried devoting his whole life to sonic, so once day he spends his day at sonic or tails house I forgot, and sonic and tails had already ran off into another battle, and kit wanted to find his purpose in life again and devote his life to these ppl so he went out of his way to join sonic and tails battle until he found out they were fighting against surge. The thing is he found out surge died bc sonic told him she died bc sonic genuinely thought she was dead. But now he saw sonic and tails fighting against her bc shes not actually dead so that looked pretty bad cuz kit thought sonic and by some extent tails manipulated him into thinking surge is already dead so they can get kit on their side and then they could kill surge. So then kit felt deeply hurt and rejoined surge. He definitely does not like sonic and definitely does not like tails who's he most shipped with. Listen I really want them to reconcile and become besties but for now they won't do and need some serious healing kk. Anyway I love them actually"

Oncecest propaganda

"it's the fucking onceler?????????????"

[theskyexists]

The last graduate reread

It's crazy. People just RUN. You save yourself or it's over. Damn

Does El seriously not realise that if she just got her head out of her ass and told any enclave: I can kill every mal ever ever ever if you just give me the mana... But no

It's something that the scholomance is trying to teach her now. It realised she's got a weakness for poor freshmen lol

But hold on if El got jumped 5 times a week, then how the heck has she never shown off her killing prowess???

She NEVER asks Orion for mana. And he's so unbelievably dumb that he never even offers it

Once again, the last graduate sets the scholomance up as the largest mal ever - perfectly. El literally thinks: it feeds on us. Yet.

Honestly ...I think Orion DOES like Chloe a bit. He likes them all well enough. They're alright. They just don't interest him.

She just killed a whole pack of leskits.

She could have absolutely saved a couple of those 600 kids that died anyway. If she'd had the SENSE to get a power sharer

There were two silly parts in here that I disliked. The plans that went nope. The honeypot plan in original form that went nowhere. And yknow the whole graduation plan.

Was the scholomance trying to get Orion to slow down on his eating too?

I am pretty damn sad that Chloe got such a limited role in the golden enclaves. She's their ALLY. Why wasn't she there for any of it???

Yeah. Why CAN Orion see El? It IS probably because she's a third level entity.

Mana mana mana. Can't find enough mana to do a major working. Ok but. Orion is right there. He's right there. He WILL BE right there in the graduation hall. So. Endless mana.

Yeah this was the disappointing honepot setup. Their first experiment with the lute worked just about. Rework the melody.

Sludging acid that can burn through flesh and bone. It's like she doesn't even see that that might be USEFUL ON MALS???

Last time i also thought this spell was insane. Insane. It took a minute. It took no mana. Its free mana building. All it takes is common selfless purpose. healing. And they never use it again. She could have used it on any one person bleeding out or dying of one or the other mal poison or wound. Like.

Wait... Orion could SEE Cora when she got healed by circle

Wait... Is it because she's pure mana? No. He'd be able to see liu. Its because she's so powerful. So that IS why. Third order entity, thus has crisp edges for a mawmouth

Orion doesn't want the sharer because then he'd suck it dry.

El complaining aboutbrewing instant kill poisons. El...you can throw them...at Mals. You can trade them..... To be thrown at mals....

I would actually bet that the Scholomance has been funneling mals at El before, it was just never so obvious before, and matched to her abilities. Or not.... Did she just run everytime she got jumped? Probably ....

El says ' i understood him perfectly' but she didn't understand him there at all lol

Holy SHIT. Liesel tripped El so bad just before the mortal flame it's basically a fucking murder attempt. What the FUCK. She goddamn well gave you important information too

Ah. Right. She regretted hurting her that bad.

Amazing cake metaphors for Liesel's stunning cleavage lips and hair ensemble that Orion has zero interest in.

AND THEN THEY KISS!!!!!!! great kissing scene

That line I'll never forget it. That there's nothing much more dangerous than a fully grown wizard. Yeah. What if they didn't have to fight for their lives endlessly. What would become of humanity then...

She only realised now, now that freaking khamis did it, that SHE could do it. My god.

El is convinced Orion wouldn't survive. Which is stupid and hilarious in retrospect..he WILL survive

He just won't be able to protect people much. After all he couldn't get at Ellen in time

So the scholomance set up a situation to get El to see she will have to get everybody out. Then threw a course at them that only she can help teams get through

ALFIE!!!!! still so friendly lol

Liesel, a woman after El's own heart.

The Marathi group who traded their spellbook to Jaipur for enclave building spells instantly imploded after getting them. Well now we know why. Some moralists among them

It does also say here that you can purge your own mana. Why doesn't every fucking wizard do that oh my GOD. That's a bad loophole you shouldn't have put in novik

She literally describes the use of a mal binding spell then goes urgh but it was useless. El....you didn't have to keep it... Didn't have to feed it human corpses....just direct it into the void....

El still pessimistically interpreting the scholomance.

El not telling anyone she's gonna save em all.

WHY???? ARE YOU AN IDIOT

I guess the scholomance feels the same

Oh right. This was the moment even the book admitted: El desperately needs help because she can never spit a single thing out that would help everyone

Wow I suddenly love khamis. For finally having a go at El.

Yeah the scholomance made her the enclaver in a group of thousands. But now she's got to live with being that, everybody having to say yes to her stupid plan or die

Edit: kind of hilarious that Liesel was looking like some sort of super attractive vogue model scholomance equivalent and Orion didn't even notice which somehow triggered El into going for it with him. I need a fanfic of that exact scene again with them as highly accomplished adults. Like. El (Killer of Mawmouths) takes Liesel along (Domina of London and Manager of the Mawmouth Extermination Program) into the new Scholomance to visit Orion (Guardian of the Scholomance) and Liesel looks stunning and El looks beautiful naturally but yknow like a hippie nomad who never had the chance to learn how to dress. And somehow you get the same dynamic where El notices how amazing Liesel looks and how Orion doesn't notice at all. And Liesel rolls her eyes at El like, duh. And it again triggers El and Orion making out. Lolololol (because that IS flattering right? And also Liesel IS an aphrodisiac alsjdodjeoddjdjliaks).

[sarandipitywrites]

Writeblr Interview Tag

@cowboybrunch tagged me for this - thank you! Go read her responses here

Tagging @breath-of-eternity, @darkangel319, @kingragnarok-writes, @ryns-ramblings, @wildswrites, and an open tag for anyone who wants to answer! Copy/pasteable template's under the cut.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels, both to read and write. I just don't tend to seek out short stories or poetry to read, for whatever reason (legitimately don't know why - I enjoy it when I do read it?), and whenever I try to write something a bit shorter, it quickly becomes... not shorter.

What genre do you prefer reading?

I'll read most genres, but it seems like I usually end up reading speculative fiction/sci fi/fantasy.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

Planner - I usually want at least a rough outline of a scene before I start writing. I find that breaking the writing up into two steps takes the pressure off of the actual 'writing' part and lets me focus more on prose/characterization/the fun shit because Past Saran already did the hard part :P

What music do you listen to while writing?

Ambient music/sounds that 'fit' what I'm writing, lately with binauaral beats layered under it. Nothing with words. Words going in ears = no words coming out of fingers

Favorite books/movies?

Books? LOTS. No Gods, No Monsters; Frankenstein; The Heart Principle; Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe; On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous; No Longer Human; etc etc etc Movies? Spirited Away.

Any current WIPs?

Spark Signature (high fantasy sci fi heist thriller; most current WIP; I am presently being very annoying about it) The Art of Empty Space (fantasy/paranormal mystery romance; WIP intro is no longer accurate; on hold because it has mutated beyond my control and I am slightly afraid of it) Dead Roots, Dark Water (dystopian fantasy adventure; Jak & Daxter fanfiction; currently on final draft and being updated weekly) Ambition is a Lonely Tower (paranormal mystery thriler; literally have not worked on this since I started posting writeblr stuff so it doesn't have a WIP intro but I am not giving up on this damn it)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Constantly messing with something (hair, face, nails, the springy cat toy in the pocket of every single one of their jackets); gets anxious when they don't have earbuds or earplugs available; sits like a pretzel; forgets everything within 5 minutes if they don't write it down; avoids wearing "real people clothes" where possible; when forced to go outside, wears a t-shirt, baggy jeans, combat boots, and a jacket

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Technically no? I use pieces from actual people I know, for sure, but there's no one character who's 'basically x.' Now it sounds like I'm over here sewing together chimera characters from people I know, oof

Are you kill happy with your characters?

Depends on the story, I guess. Nobody's died (yet) in AES. Murder's kind of a whole Thing in Spark. And DRDW... uh. Let's not talk about that one (sorry, half of my OCs).

Coffee or Tea while writing?

Coffee in the morning, tea in the evening.

Slow or fast writer?

All or nothing! It really depends on: 1. whether or not I have an outline (scene-level outline = words go fast) 2. my headspace (Sludge Brain day = no words. Fuck your outline)

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

I'd get eaten by a demonic chicken or some shit within like five minutes. Assuming I didn't have a horribly quick and embarrassing death, I'd like to be an alchemist or something like that. Give people those Good Plants

Most fav book cliche:

Enemies to lovers/friends, or friends to enemies, or really any big shift in relationship dynamic. Do that well and I love you and your characters forever

Least favorite cliche:

The 'if only they would talk to each other' thing - if one conversation that the characters are fully capable of having (but won't) is the only reason for the conflict, I'm out. Especially if there's no good reason for them to be avoiding the conversation. I'm not sure if this is even a cliche, but it's what I thought of :D

Favorite scene to write?

I love writing 'calm' scenes with tension just under the surface. And any scene that lets me fuck with perception/senses. Love it when a scene isn't straightforward

Reason for writing?

Lots of reasons! It's by far the thing I get the most satisfaction and enjoyment from; I get to write (and therefore read) the stories I want/need to read; free therapy supplement; I have lots of thoughts and ideas and little guys in my head and giving it all somewhere to go helps my brain be a lot quieter (it's still pretty noisy in there though, not gonna lie)

Short stories, novels, or poems?

What genre do you prefer reading?

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

What music do you listen to while writing?

Favorite books/movies?

Any current WIPs?

Create a character description of yourself: 

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Are you kill happy with your characters?

Coffee or Tea while writing?

Slow or fast writer?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Most fav book cliche:

Least favorite cliche:

Favorite scene to write?

Reason for writing?

[weaselle]

wanted to take my addition and make my own post so i could keep talking about it

You know the ancient primordial forests and seas? well they were full of so much Life that it created huge pockets of Death, and if you trap those pockets of death under the weight of the ocean or earth and heat it with the fires at the center of the planet you can transform all that dead life into a sort of eldritch black sludge

Then you simply take your eldritch death sludge, and ceremoniously burn it to create power. Of course doing so does choke the life out of the world and could possibly end human existence, but what do you expect when you use eldritch death sludge to create power?

There IS a movement to instead use the bones of old stars that have died violent deaths in huge explosions. These star bones leak an energy that can melt any life that gets too close (but like melt it from the inside kinda) and it can sort of infect anything it touches to make that thing also leak energy that melts living beings. Anyway, you can use that life-melting energy from the deadly star bones to boil water. So that's where we get most of our power that isn't made from ceremoniously burning eldritch death sludge.

i think that's actually the part that fucks me up the most is that in both cases, what we are using it for is to boil water. Like. Your entire nation, all the electricity in your home, the street lights, all of it, is run off of a few really giant steam engines.

Literally. The cyberdistopian future is real and it is simultaneously steampunk. fml

we use the eldritch death sludge and the life-melting star energy to boil water. through a steam turbine. For all our power needs.

Like. C'mon. Space programs and gene therapy and microchips in brains that let a person use a computer with just their mind (yes that actually exists, primarily to allow paralyzed people to do things) ALL THAT and we can't find another way to boil water so we don't fuck the planet into unlivable conditions? Really? Brightest minds on the planet, can split an atom and destroy the world, but we can't cook up a better way to BOIL. WATER. are you sure?

it just. Kinda feels like we're getting punked, tbh

[mdhwrites]

This is me sending you an ask about Commander Anne! 🦎

...This is literally the first time I've gone "Hey, ask me about X because this has too many topics" and they actually did it. XD Okay, so Commander Anne is FUCKING AMAZING. There's a lot of reasons but a lot of it comes down to part of what I think people need to realize about the show. Above anyone else, there are two main characters of the show and S3 is all about their change and their fates. The first is Anne and S3A was entirely about how she had changed since the start of the series.

The second one isn't Sasha. It's Amphibia itself.

Don't get me wrong, Sasha gets a LOT of good in this episode and I will be talking about it but she still isn't elevated to main character status in this half season. She's still a supporting character just like Marcy is primarily a side character (Loggle gets more screentime than the lovable nerd after all). I also don't say this to diminish either of the other girls as characters, simply to admit that their narrative importance isn't as high as the setting itself.

And why shouldn't the setting be important to an ISEKAI? The term literally means other world and Amphibia is ALL about culture clash from big city girl to rural farmers, to frogs and humans and even the various Amphibians themselves. Thus the world is important and Commander Anne shows that Amphibia is FUUUUUUUUUUUCKED.

But how it does it is INCREDIBLY clever because it also shifts who we should expect to be leading things over to Sasha and why she is the Commander. As such, the big highlight of the episode for me is actually the montage of the trip. See... Anne is treating Amphibia the same way she used to.

Amphibia says that won't work anymore. It dumps sludge on her, attacks her with robots that want her dead, etc. like that until we get to the plant where a goofy, silly plan that might have worked in previous seasons is met with a dose of harsh reality as it puts everyone at risk. The got through with gumption and willpower before after all but that doesn't work anymore.

And this is because of a fundamental shift in HOW Amphibia is dangerous now. Amphibia has always been dangerous but it was an impassioned danger. Frogs were merely food and so the monsters took what they needed and then left. The hibernation episode is a PERFECT example of that and of how the Amphibians dealt with it. It might suck but it wouldn't ever mean the end of the entire town. The end of the world.

Andrias on the other hand wishes to warp and break the world so as to fuel his conquest. His desire requires the elimination of any threat and its led by a man who at this point actively hates any and all who oppose him and meets them with sadistic glee. As such, you can no longer just take a casual stroll through the woods. You can no longer drink from the rivers. You can no longer find peace with a world at war.

And FINALLY this brings me around to both Sasha and the Amphibians themselves. They have lived in this state for MONTHS and you can feel it as they clash with the Plantars, who they themselves also adapted to their new environment. Modern luxuries allowed one to become soft. War made the others have to get stronger and smarter. They are more serious because they have to be and there's a certain expectation they hold of those around them because of it. They still vote Anne as commander because they remember the warm days but they don't need a friend who will share their heart.

They need strength tempered with compassion. They need Sasha Waybright. They don't need Cheer Team Sasha though. They need the Protector of Amphibia and for that, we needed to see the end of Sasha's character arc here and it's a damn good one that I should do a full blog on at some point. My big point here is that our one look at her as a child is her playing protector and trying to help Anne and Marcy. Her at St. James is someone who uses the personal belief that she's protecting her friends and making their lives better to make them utterly server her goals and her interests.

There is no pretense now though... Or not quite but that's a discussion for the ending when I get to it (I'm at All In now). She genuinely looks out for people and wants to make them the absolute best they can be, something we'll be seeing from her for the rest of the season in one way or another. She is a true protector which earns her spot as the strength gem because she understands that Strength without selflessness isn't strength at all. It's just cruelty and manipulation.

All of this also does something really smart from a meta standpoint that you can even feel in Sprivy. Namely: This half season IS different from the rest of Amphibia. There's only one episode, full episode, that feels truly like an old episode from S1 or 2 in the entire half season because there is a tone change. It's necessary for the fact that Amphibia is at war and the show doesn't want to treat that as just a joke. It's honestly really clever and impressive in the breadth of what a change in status quote this is.

And done in ELEVEN MINUTES. I... Just... I don't want to compare S3 of Amphibia and S3 of TOH too much because the shortening did cause a shift in priorities and goals but like... If For the Future spent a quarter of its time being this well crafted and compelling about the change of the Isles, it might not be seen as an almost complete waste of time by most people! And these two DO have the same goal for at least part of it which is to introduce the newly changed world and how it has been warped and ravaged and have to be dealt with in a new way which makes the comparison genuinely warranted. Both needed to show this new world and Amphibia did while also having rich character development and not wasting almost a second, unless it's doing jokes that still play into the changes for the characters, while TOH spends 30 seconds of its re-introduction of the Isles to give us eye candy as the animation goes "Gosh, isn't Amity pretty?"

Hell, all of this gushing actually didn't even cover the main conflict of the episode except tangentially but it's a GREAT capstone to Sasha's arc. She wants to give up power because even if she trusted herself with others, she can't trust having it over Anne. Anne is willing to give enough understanding and care though to put herself in a vulnerable situation with Sasha for the good of everyone else. It's a great concept executed very well.

It also admittedly hits close to home, especially post "The Beginning of the End" due to complicated things between me and my twin brother but that's again: For a blog about Sasha's entire character arc and its added complexities that keep Sasha compelling.

But yeah, Commander Anne absolutely deserves to be beloved by the fandom and should honestly be dissected by more people for how incredibly good it is at introducing the new Amphibia to us properly.

======+++++======

Small bonus: Thank you to Nexstage for also asking. I really do appreciate when people take my baits for extra blogs because it's genuinely easier for me to make a blog as a response to an ask rather than making it myself. It has to do with brain problems wanting some guarantee there might be interest in the topic which is a whole thing. Yaaaaa-

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[lostnfounder]

[The following is a transcript of a pursuit/interaction that took place between ex-Gazette reporter Ruth Shirbon and THE DEMON OF LOSTFIELD.] 

R: Alright, Demon, start talking. Why are you out of the underworld? What are you- HEY!

[The DEMON has grabbed the phone Ruth was using to record this conversation in its mouth because she made the mistake of putting it too close to its face. It glares at her.]

R: ... Can you give that back.

D: [Narrows its eyes.]

R: [Big sigh.] Can you give me my phone back, please?

D: [Opens its mouth and the phone clatters to the floor.]

R: Ughh. [Grimaces as they wipe the phone off on their jacket.] ... Thank you. Anyways. Why are you out of the underworld?

D: Oh, my god, man, I don't know what you're talking about. Just-

R: Answer the question!

D: I'm not from the underworld, man! What do you want from me!

R: If you don't- God, if you don't comply soon I'll have half a mind to march into Showfall and ask them myself.

D: ... What?

R: I know that's where you're from! Don't try to cover it up! You escaped the Facility through the window on the parking garage!

D: ... Yeah. Yeah, I did.

R: Aha!

D: Wait, so you're- This isn't... This isn't the... Facility, or whatever you called it?

R: [Still writing down this last admission.] Uhh... no? Does this look like a creepy abandoned mall place full of demons to you?

D: ... No. No, you're right, it-... If I don't explain myself you're gonna try to... go in there??

R: Uh... yeah, probably. I mean, I have evidence of the demonic crimes they're clearly committing now, and you were this easy to capture, and I'll probably need more evidence than this, so-

D: AGH! CURSES! I'VE BEEN FOILED!

R: WHAT?

D: YOU'RE RIGHT. I AM A DEMON. I LIED!

R: OH. OH! AHA! YES! I KNEW IT!! Nothing gets past the Lostfield Reporter!

D: I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS CAPTURED BY A TEENAGER... WHO UNIRONICALLY WEARS PLAID...

R: Wh- HEY! THIS IS FLANNEL!!

D: YES, WELL. UH.

R: Alright then, Demon- [shining lamp light in its face. It squints.] Who are you, anyway?

D: A... A Demon. I. I thought that was established pretty well already.

R: No, what's your name? Or is it so terrible my feeble human brain couldn't pronounce it? Oooh, if I say it out loud will my brain explode? That would be so sick. Does that actually happen?

D: ... Uhm. Yeesss... sure... Let's go with that...

R: [Blink.]

D: ... Okay, fine, no, that's not what happens.

R: [Blink.]

D: What!

R: Go on! What is it! I can't just keep calling you 'Demon' with a capital D forever. Unless that's... literally your name, which I doubt.

D: Yeah, uh. It's Cha-aaaaaase. Chase.

R: ... Chase.

D: I heard my name?

R: A horrible demon creature from the underworld and your name is Chase.

C: Yes. Chase, uh... Bonk.

R: ...How is that spelled. Like. Weird letters, accents, please tell me there's at least a glottal stop in there.

C: How it sounds. Chase Bonk.

R: ... Yeah. Yeah, you know what. Sure. Alright... Chase, uh. Why are you out of the Facility?

C: I, uh. I... needed to find more... ah... slime. To eat.

R: You eat slime??

C: Yes. Also goop. Oh, and gunk. Sludge, sometimes, when I'm feeling like it. Goo's a hit or a miss, really, but-

R: Yes, okay, I get it. ...Do I need to feed your that, or-

C: NO! I mean, ah. You don't have to. [Quieter.] The- The yogurt was alright.

R: Thank god. Okay. I'll get more next time I go to the store-

C: Not the strawberry chunks one though that one sucked.

R: Oh, yeah it fucking does. [Writing.] No... strawberry... chunks, okay.

C: Can I have the Nintemdo again?

R: Nintendo.

C: Yeah, that's what I said. Can I?

R: No! I'm interrogating you!

C: I'll summon my ghouls on you.

R: ... You can do that?

C: Yes. Nintendo Snitch please.

R: Switch.

C: OOoooOOo, GHOULS, I SUMMON THEE-

R: RIGHT! OKAY! FINE! Just one more question--what was your job? Did you assist Showfall Media in their recent production?

C: Oh, good, that's easy. No, I didn't. I would remember something like that. But I... uh... it was my job to... uh... look at screens all day.

R: Right. Okay. That's... odd.

C: ... Can I have the-

R: Yes, right, sure, fine. Ending the transcript now. Let's hope I get more answers tomorrow.

C: Wait, tommo-

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde

Act 5, page 3876-3880

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: heres one for you

TG: its a whopper

TG: are you ready

TT: For what?

TG: this huge fuckin whopper im about to just say

TT: You mean a canard of behemothic embellishment?

TG: what

TT: Or was your resolve finally dismantled by the siren's song of all that flame broiled beef?

TG: no no

TG: ok first do you even have burger kings out in the fucking woods

TG: why do you reference things that obviously arent in the woods like terrible burgers

TT: I'll limit my establishments of reference to lumber mills and sugar shanties from now on.

TT: Also, there's a Burger King less than forty minutes from my house. I won't let this stand in the way of the new policy though.

TG: there is

TG: ok whatever

TG: im talking about a dream i just had

TG: i mean it was a doozy like psychologically speaking

TG: doozy is a slightly dumber word than whopper

TT: Certainly less delicious.

TG: it was absurdly heavy handed my subconscious was really slathering it on

TG: like whatever tangy sludge the king himself squirts on his bargain patties

TG: its possible that i dreamt it ironically i dunno

TG: i figured youd be interested in hearing about it its every bit as thick and juicy as a half pound of sizzling grade A premium ok this is stupid weve got to get burgers out of this conversation

TG: are you busy

TT: Yes.

TG: cool listen to this

TT: I thought you didn't want me to analyze your dreams anymore.

TG: no but this one is too good not to put under the microscope with your whole precocious psychotherapy shtick its almost laughably symbolic of all my mental problems assuming i actually have those

TG: its grotesquely pregnant with meaning

TG: all gestating at least 8 gooey octuplets thrashing around in an undulating belly full of mind slime

TT: Maybe we can start by evaluating that troubling metaphor.

TG: no look

TG: i just want your professional take on how many things in my dream symbolize dicks

TT: We've already established that all of your dreams are packed with enough homoerotic symbolism to lift Freudian theory from the ashes of discreditation.

TG: yeah thats a given but i didnt even dream about puppets this time

TT: Are you serious?

TT: I'm clearing my schedule. This is a major breakthrough.

TG: i know

TG: it was so much more relaxing and enjoyable

TG: it was about me dying repeatedly

TT: Go on.

TG: i was in this dark place surrounded by this big flock of crows

TG: god this is so generically morbid

TG: im sorry in advance for exposing you to my unconscious minds retarded cliches

TT: It's ok.

TT: They wouldn't be cliches if they didn't comprise the unanimously understood bedrock of phallic symbolism, with no other viable interpretation.

TG: well obviously i knew the birds were just black screaming sky dongs just hear me out

TG: i kept dying

TG: there kept being these traps like i would go one way and get my head chopped off

TG: or go another way and get stabbed or whatever

TG: and every time i died the dream reset itself and i was standing there alive and ready to try to escape again

TG: but each time i would be watching myself from the vantage point of a different crow

TG: like i was the crow all squawking around in circles like a macabre flapping douche

TG: and i would always watch myself try to do something different to dodge the trap but i always ended up dead

TT: Hm.

TT: Well, if I've learned anything from my extensive skimming over the Wikipedia articles on dream analysis,

TT: It's that this dream is very unlikely to have any literal significance whatsoever.

TT: It's probably not about dying at all.

TG: you mean maybe its about anxiety over maintaining my blogs

TG: or that my beats might not be ill enough

TT: Yes. In fact, if you were on my couch that would have been my next question, as a licensed professional.

TT: "Mr. Strider, have you considered that what you actually dread is to have your urban rhythms exposed for what they truly are, which is, clinically speaking, just shy of 'da bomb'?"

TG: and then we crack up laughing cause we both know theyre fresher than your moms change of drawers and tighter than when shes wearin them

TT: Listening to you conjure imagery of my mother in her underpants is definitely keeping us buoyed high above this swirling Freudian hellhole.

TT: Well done.

TG: please its not like shes my mom i can visualize her choice ass all i want without it gettin much more than moderately uncomfortable for everyone involved

TT: What if you're wrong?

TG: about what

TT: Her not being your mother.

TG: uh

TT: Don't worry, you're probably safe. Luckily I can think of no literary or historical precedent for that sort of folly whatsoever.

TG: this isnt the first time youve insinuated were related what is up with that

TT: Isn't it?

TG: no

TG: i mean

TG: im not sure

TG: i feel like youve brought it up before which is kind of weird but now i dont know

TG: i think im getting this weird deja vu thing where i was sure we talked about this

TG: forget it

TT: Why don't you tell me more about your dream?

TG: ok

TG: so i kept dying and kept being crows and stuff

TG: and then i started to notice something coming from the sky

TG: it was this faint eerie singing and i look up and theres nothing there just darkness

TT: That's interesting.

TT: I've read about this.

TG: what did you read

TT: Certain texts say singing from the unknowable void carries a message.

TT: That its recipient has been selected for a mission of supreme cosmic importance, that will result in your death and that of billions more.

TT: But one that is essential to the perpetuation of existence itself.

TG: what the fuck sort of crackpot psychology text would say something like that

TT: It's not from a psychology text.

TG: so then youre consulting astrology books now

TT: Not astrology.

TT: More like,

TT: Zoology.

TG: oh my fucking god will you put that away

TT: Ok.

TT: Keep describing the dream, though.

TT: If the rest of it is incompatible with prognoses of the zoologically dubious, I will withdraw my insinuation.

TG: theres not even much more to it

TG: i looked up into the sky

TG: didnt see anyone singing

TG: but even though the sky was black i could see the sun

TG: it was bright as hell even through my shades

TG: so i flapped my wings and flew up away to it like a fucking piece of garbage

TG: and thats it

TT: This doesn't strike you as an impulse of self destruction?

TG: no

TG: not in the sense that it was a dark sacrificial zoology mission

TG: it was more like somewhere to go besides watching myself die a lot from the vantage of a feathery murder of dumb shitty birds

TT: So, if hypothetically you were to accept such a mission, or even insist upon one, it wouldn't be in the spirit of genuine sacrifice, but of escape?

TG: what the fuck are you talking about

TG: ok somethings wrong

TG: this whole conversation is falling apart this isnt how it originally went at all

TT: Aw. We were making good progress, too.

TT: Why did you have to go and remember?

TG: this happened months ago

TG: does this mean im dead

TT: What do you think?

TG: stop it

TG: this is so sick you using the dream bubble bullshit to pick apart my psyche

TG: am i dead or asleep

TT: If you're starting to remember, you should be able to tell me.

TG: god dammit

TT: Maybe I'm just as confused as you about it?

TG: yeah right

TT: Am I dead or asleep, Dave?

TG: i dont know

TT: Try to remember.

[cupcakegal25]

so i beat totk

and holy fucking SHIT it was good!!!!! i actually kept a record of my thoughts as i played it, so i'm gonna be posting that now just for funsies. major major MAJOR spoilers under the cut!!!!!!

RAURU OCARINA OF TIME??!?!?!?

why do i have to do the wholeass tutorial with no shirt. completely tits out

purah :eye: :eye:

love my horsies

2 eponas [accidentally summoned epona before linking stable accounts]

damn we were right about the time travel [dragon tear 1]

TEBA THE ELDER?!??!?!?!????!

the flying ship is vah medoh idiots /hj

revali’s gale 2 electric boogaloo [tulin's tornado]

damn is this what it would be like to fight the blights with the champions because if so :sob: :sob: :sob:

if revali finds out about this his impostor syndrome will only get worse istg

SAGES SAGES SAGES SAGES SAGES SAGES

SAGE OF TIME ZELDA MY FUCKGINH BELOFVED

what were the original sages named please

HOLY FUCKING BINGLE PHANTOM TULIN

ring :o

frozen lookin ass cutscene

REVALI’S LANDING (this is your fault hope)

great eagle bow……

did link just give the champion’s weapons back goddamn

VOW OF TULIN SAGE OF WIND <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

is sidon gonna have to sneak out to help me with this /hj

zelda has parents now love that for her <3 [rauru and sonia]

i was heading for gerudo town and now i’m in kakariko i do not know how this happened please send help

CHIEF PAYA???!?!?!??!??!??!?

made it to zora’s domain on accident. welp

WHERE DID MIPHA G O GET MY GIRL B A C K HERE [sidon statue]

WHO THE FUCK IS SIDON GETTING MARRIED TO WHAT

i would like to give sidon a hug please and thank you

WATER MANIPULATION SIDON GO AWOOGA

KING SIDON KING SIDON KING SIDON [dorephan and muzu]

sidon trauma arc [mipha come home :(]

ma’am i knew mipha [he doesn’t want to lose anyone else]

THERE SHE IS THERE’S MY GIRL [mipha]

sidon sage of water please? please nintendo? please sidon sage of water?

oh god oh fuck SIDON LOOK OUT [sludge like]

what the FUCK is up with the gravity here what the hell

oh god oh fuck water temple (i kinda figured this was coming but still)

CHAMPION PICTURE IN MY H O U S E THANK YOU KASS

link and zelda roommates :)

mucktorok is dancin

wtf is that a shark?

holy shit that’s like a zant looking death [mucktorok]

thank you sidon for my life [water shield]

wait that mask looks like vah ruta. wait

ma’am mipha is right there [my kin etc]

secret stone is kinda a dumb name i think

that’s LITERALLY the lightscale trident MA’AM [sage of water’s weapon]

i still love sage of time zelda. btw

dear god i NEED to know these people’s names this is becoming SUCH a problem

gonna take a detour to look for the dragon’s tears i think

sidon sage of water!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

i fucking adore him so so so much i love him SO much

another disney lookin ass cutscene but not as pronounced

KING SIDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m so proud of my boy

vow of sidon sage of water………

i love dorephan’s hat it looks silly

well guess i’m doing the gerudo quest last cause here i am in goron city

probably for the best given. history (thunderblight) (riju I’m sorry)

yunobo what the FUCK are you doing

i’m sorry i hate this outfit also what the hell

god daruk would be so upset :(

well this seems. bad [yunobo being mean]

oh yeah that’s really not good

CLEARLY NOT HIMSELF JHGKLASJGLKJAG [boss subtitle]

goodbye ugly mask!

did she just trap us in the cave with this stupid fucking rock [zelda and marbled rock roast]

oh it’s not just daruk's protection again that’s interesting! [yunobo’s charge]

yeah i one million percent guarantee that that isn’t zelda

what the FUCK am i looking at

moragia??? alright

god that was HARD to control what the fuck [wing]

holy shit the atmosphere in here is INCREDIBLE [death mountain crater]

damn is this dungeon going to be underground instead of in the sky? swag

woah the fire temple is the gorondia that i’ve heard about in side quests? pog

oh this is really interesting! big spirit tracks vibes [mine carts]

three whole boss fights in this section wow [yunobo, moragia, marbled gohma]

GOHMA?!?!??!???!??!?!??!

there she goes! why was the second phase easier than the first though that’s my main question

alright so the masks on the sages are definitely the divine beasts

i should wear my vah naboris mask for the last one lmao

yunobo is confused. dw bro i have played many games in this series and also seen two other cutscenes nearly identical to this

wait are the vas the same for the sages and their descendants and thus the champions. wait

well not the sage of water but that just supports my argument more i think. mipha voice actress real?

how did zelda fucking GET here how many fucking fireproof elixirs did she need to USE [fire temple]

elixir wears off as the sage is doing his little speech and zelda bursts into flames lmfao

hi it’s me, the swordsman link. nice to meet you [gorons will help swordsman named link]

daruk would be so proud of yunobo and mipha would be so proud of sidon and i guarantee urbosa would be so proud of riju (i haven’t gotten there yet) but revali would just be really jealous of tulin LMAO

yay sage of fire yunobo!!!!!!!!!! i like daruk better i’m sorry

AW FISTBUMB THAT’S SO CUTE FUCK YEAH

i know it’s just the secret stone but yunobo fucking looks like he’s on fire gkhlsakgjlagk [giving the vow]

wait this is on my thumb? that’s gonna leave a finger leftover what the hell [rings/vows]

i’m gonna like recruit riju and then all of us are going to storm hyrule castle together somehow LMAO

oh shit the rock roast was made of gloom? that makes sense actually

i love the gorons :D

BLUDO NO YOU’RE GOING TO THROW YOUR BACK OUT AGAIN [yunobo’s apology]

vow of yunobo sage of fire :D

actually fucking going to gerudo town know istg

slightly untrue actually i’m going to make a detour to activate the last three towers but two of them are on the way so it’s probably fine [forest, gerudo, wasteland]

rauru knows ganondorf is evil and is keeping him close to keep an eye on him so he’s already many many steps ahead of the oot king

also did no one notice how ganondorf was commanding the moldugas in the last cutscene. what

alright made it to kara kara bazaar! how the FUCK am i supposed to get to gerudo town though

also thank fucking god they put a shrine here i Need it

these guys think they’re gonna be liked enough to be allowed into gerudo town. They Won’t

okay thank you tulin for helping me get here i still have no idea where i’m going but i can work with it thank you

OH FUCK GIBDOS. TERRIFYING

going to avoid fighting those at all costs i think! Yikes:tm:

made it to gerudo town after many many detours! hooray!

wait hold on where IS everyone

THERE’S A GIBDO IN THE TOWN

okay made it to a. guard. this makes sense

alright so there’s people behind this wall but i cannot get in i am not allowed

where’s the dialogue option to tell this guard i’m nonbinary /hj

i have broken into the sanctuary and i think i’m gonna die

BULIARA DEFENDS ME???? AIGHT

okay heading out to find riju my beloved <3

PATRICIA!!!!!!!!!!

oh she grew up so pretty i’m so proud of her

yay she did it yay!

oh god that’s viscerally horrifying jesus christ [gibdo swarming kara kara bazaar]

oh that’s AWFUL i HATE the way they spawned

we did it yay!!!

that’s probably not actually zelda lbr

alright I’m back i was busy cooking

sage riju let’s fucking goooooo

just realized this is a new ganondorf (unless this takes place after fsa) absolutely wild we have had three of them and like ~20 links and zeldas

okay i’m as prepared as i can be i think let’s go

terrible horrible fucked up i hate it [gibdos]

oh god oh fuck oh shit she’s so COOL [riju]

alright i was terrible at that! fantastic [defending gerudo town]

whatever at least i won

ooh mural? let’s take a look

just realized i completely forgot about akkala lemme activate that tower

alright got sidetracked into doing a thing for josha. fought a frox. terrifying shit

but i made it here to the great abandoned central mine

why are there people here

oh that bitch is DEFINITELY a yiga

okay that’s an interesting new power [autobuild]

don’t wanna do this for them but here goes

alright, who’s the “master”

MASTER KOHGA??????

oh my god he fell into a pit maybe he’s been alive this WHOLE TIME

I WAS RIGHT

i cannot fucking believe this shit i’m so happy about it

great twist actually i deadass wasn’t expecting it

oh i love that so much

man are you planning on ripping my arm off. probably yes actually

alright boss time!

done! god that was so fun

i hope there aren’t any more misunderstandings in regards to his death though that would suck *cough @ofstormsandfire's absolutely fantastic fic no one ever mentions fear cough*

HGKLSAJGLKASG JUST FLIES OFF THAT’S SO FUNNY

alright that was a great detour and i am very happy i did it

back to josha!

i. completely forgot about faron. just a minute

climbed up totori rock. mistakes were made

back to riju. that puzzle was way too fuckin annoying [red pillar riddle]

ooh temple on the ground?

lightning temple… interesting. wasn’t sure if it would be lightning temple or thunder temple (maybe like sand or desert but i didn’t think so cause that didn’t seem like it would be a fitting sage title for riju)

OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT [queen gibdo]

am i just going straight into the boss fight??? no dungeon??? what the hell

ohhhhh it retreated. so i do still have a dungeon!

finally made it into this fucking place!

five bucks says this place is the token creepy dungeon. should’ve made that bet earlier tbh

oh that voice sounds JUST like urbosa holy shit

i like how the rooms in this place have like. names and stuff

alright boss time!

OH GOD THAT DID SO MUCH DAMAGE [queen gibdo]

holy shit this is gonna be a ROUGH one

FINALLY that took me 30 goddamn minutes

just realized i forgot to put on the vah naboris mask. oh well

ooh pretty earring

so the only ring missing is my middle finger. sure wonder why that is /s

oh man am i finally gonna be allowed in gerudo town without crossdressing? swag!

vow of riju sage of lightning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright, let’s go talk to purah. after we check in with her i’ll probably go looking for the rest of the memories

why is there a blood moon in the middle of the day. that seems really bad

okay time for dragon tears!

SONIA NO [sonia gets stabbed]

god that’s gotta be AWFUL for zelda since now she’s lost 3 separate moms :( [unnamed bio mom, urbosa, sonia]

oh god he looks damn near identical to demise [secret stone ganondorf]

oh fuck lynels look so terrifying now i hope i never ever have to fight one

thank you zelda for having braincells and leaving

rauru going to his death a better father than rhoam EVER was [zelda telling rauru about dehydrated ganondorf]

FI!!!! [fi chiming]

zelda??? zelda honey??? what are you doing?????  [dragon tear 11]

zelda??? Is that you??? [light dragon]

ZELDA NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [dragon tear 12]

god fuck I’m actually crying

heading to korok forest. i fucking hate this

oh jeez what’s up with the koroks? what’s up with the DEKU TREE?

FUCK GLOOM HANDS

i do not know how i killed them honestly

what the fuck PHANTOM GANON

okay that’s cool as fuck thank you totk for bringing back multiple great characters/enemies

alright i’ve got the master sword and i’m sobbing my eyes out thanks nintendo!

fucked around for a SUBSTANTIAL period of time i’m going to finally do the hyrule castle thing now i think

WHOEVER THAT IS SHUT YOUR SLUTTY MOUTH I KNOW BETTER YOU AREN’T MY GIRL [zelda voice]

i hate this so much i hate this soooo much stop looking like my girl and summoning monsters and let me fucking kill you please god

yknow this cutscene would probably hit different if i didn’t already do the dragon’s tears [sanctum cutscene]

alright i died to the first hit which is just excellent

FRIENDS! :D [sages showing up]

yknow if nothing else at least he didn’t make me fight a lynel

i love how tulin is just sitting on yunobo’s back after ganon’s thing. btw

oh, the champion’s tunic! thank you zelda i love you zelda

okay i love the conversation with harth and tulin. hope you were right about the polycule goddamn

i just noticed: link is BARELY taller than tulin holy fucking bingle

missing sage? :o

i bet it’s paya. i hope it is at least that would be cool i think

MINERU???? [voice]

oh god I’m in the ground MINERU WHY

MINERU!!!!

sage of spirit mineru pog!!!!!!

i was CONVINCED whoever it was would be the sage of shadow ngl but this works!

i have built a robot. this is apparently mineru now. i’m down for it tbh

she lost her secret stone? oh fuck that’s not good

I CAN RIDE AND DRIVE MINERU???? FUCK YEAH

oh what the FUCK is that [seized construct]

is there a dungeon here or just a boss fight? hold up

oh my GOD it takes NO DAMAGE i HATE that

wait fuck i slammed it into the fence that works thank fucking god

okay i stun locked it into the second phase which is excellent

done! that gives me big koloktos vibes actually i really like that

also really really helpful that i didn’t have to rely on my battery charge things during the fight i would’ve been FUCKED

MINERU WAS IN THE PURAH PAD????? THE WHOLEASS TIME???? SINCE MILLIONS OR WHATEVER YEARS AGO WHEN ZELDA SHOWED UP?????? i'm shook

actually the more i think about it the more her being the sage of spirit makes sense since she can like separate her soul from her body or whatever i'm pretty sure

there’s the last ring there’s the middle finger!

i do think that should've been riju though for. reasons

ma’am i swear to god if you tell me what i ALREADY KNOW about what happened to zelda

goddammit she is telling me that isn’t she

she’s the older sister? makes sense actually the vibes track

oh she’s explaining the murals from below the castle at the very very beginning! funky fresh

oh geez this is how he got dehydrated! or at least the start of it i guess

yeah, mineru, I KNOW WHAT SHE DID

MINERU WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN WHY DID YOU LET HER DO THAT

god like i understand that you’re dying and there was no other choice but FUCK this hurts

vow of mineru sage of spirit……. fuck

purah please i KNOW you’re smarter than this you GOTTA put the pieces together so i don’t suffer this knowledge alone i fuckin REFUSE

well there she goes but no fucking reaction makes it worse, thanks

oh god oh fuck oh no LYNEL

i am ZOOMING past that fight holy shit

OH NO I ASCENDED INTO THE LYNEL ROOM FUCK

“the power of the sages cannot reach you” thanks! i hate it!

fuck. back here again. game’s almost over huh [zonai mural room]

oh the last three murals….. fuck [sages v ganondorf, zelda and master sword, light dragon]

the fUCKING TORCH ON THE GROUND THAT’S ZELDA’S FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

alright. let’s end this

FRIENDS! SAGES!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

okay i died pretty fast there so i left, made a bunch of food, used most of my sundelions, and i’m back to try again

alright that went much better! or at least the first half did i guess there’s lizalfos now

ah fuck gibdos

aaaaand moblins. please let this be everything

alright! i did it!

ah fuck bosses. hate that a lot thanks

nevermind! hate that more! [separated from friends]

fuckin. did you really need to seal me in. bitch

eyyyyy there he is! he’s rehydrated!

HE CAN PERFECT DODGE???? GODDAMN

alright. one health bar down. no way it’s the last one

OH GOD OH FUCK SECRET STONE

WHAT THE FUCK KINDA HEALTH BAR IS THAT IT GOES OFF THE S C R E E N

SAGES :D

okay the health bar doesn’t go off the screen but still THIS FEELS EXCESSIVE

just saw tulin soar past me teba and saki are GOING to have my head

don’t fuckin crook your fingers at me like that

y’know if nothing else i’m getting really good at perfect dodges

HE CAN DODGE MY FLURRY RUSHES NOW???? bullshit. unfair

back to ganondorf, i left to get a fuckload of sundelions make a bunch of sunny dishes

first phase done. that went really well, actually

HOLY SHIT HOW DID I PULL THAT OFF I JUST BACKED HIM INTO A CORNER AND I HAD ONE HEART AND BARELY ANY SHIELD LEFT WHAT THE HELL

oh my god is he doing what i think he’s doing

VENGEANCE FOR ZELDA. FUCK YEAH

oh that’s terrible i hate the eyes

that’s literally the calamity [demon dragon]

who?? called my name??? who was that???

also how the hell am i supposed to kill an immortal dragon or whatever

i am looking at the calamity right now istg [demon dragon]

okay nevermind that’s a dragon but STILL

demon dragon…. kinda slaps

oh i’m stuck in his jaws i’m DOOMED

ZELDA!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK DAD WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CALL NOW FUCK YOU

oh thank GOD i have my hearts back

i see a couple big fucked up eyes that’s probably the weak points

thank you zelda love you zelda :) [she catch me]

damn this is gonna go pretty easy it feels like like i’m not gonna jinx it but this is going really well so far

i fuckin fell off

zelda sweetie i think you caught me wrong for a sec i almost fell off the side

FUCK UP THAT SECRET STONE LINK HELL YEAH

there he goes! probably hopefully idk for sure

i don’t feel so good mr. stark -ganondorf probably idk i've never watched marvel [death]

destroy ganondorf, complete……

glowy hand?

i am in the void. with the zelda

my glowy hand is goin towards her

oh! rauru and sonia! hi!

wait is this zelda and sonia’s time power. wait

are we bringing her back?!?!?!??! like i didn’t think nintendo would leave her like that forever but still please please please

ZELDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my beloved baby girl she’s BACK

my shirt is off and my hat is off but i’m still wearing the royal guard pants. weird

bye sonia!!! bye rauru!!!

question. how are we gonna get to the ground

ZELDA NO!

dive to zelda… i love that actually

I CAUGHT HER THIS TIME!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

if that is the last gameplay in the game i would be so happy with that actually. the last thing i do is a parallel to the first thing i couldn’t

zelda :D fi :D

WAAAAAA I LOVE HER WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am going to give her a hug. where’s the hug button nintendo

nintendo that’s nice that she felt like she got a hug but i want to hug her

SHE’S HOME!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

find princess zelda complete!!!!!!!

oh! post-credits scene!

me and zelda and sages and purah! :D

oh… bye mineru…. ilu….

i can’t believe zelda lost 6 separate moms (gender-neutral) over just 2 games (sorry) [unnamed bio mom, urbosa, sonia, mineru, rauru, daruk]

oh that’s so CUTE thank you sages

the end :D