#not a trigger but just. hard to describe but weird for me.
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if i have fcs for characters, i always match age and gender. or match age as closely as possible. so if i am using trans fc, that character is trans; just a if i hc a character a tran, their fc will be an out trans actor
i know that i do have this on my muse list. pepper potts is a trans woman, i write her as a trans woman, thats why her fc is a trans woman. this was the hc and how i wrote pepper when she had her independent blog years ago. and pepper is 45 like her fc.
just as johnny doesn't have an fc, or well scott turner schofield is since he is a trans man but i could not find his age but google mostly thinks scott is 30 to 40, as i typically write johnny as 38, because i also write him and has been written as a trans man since his original blog as well.
i don't write transphobia or focus on these characters experiencing it; you can assume that they have through the nature of the real world; but in marvel setting they are out and mostly focus on these characters for their characters and plot and write trans joy instead; nor do i get too much into their medical history or any of that; i mostly focus on these characters for their stories we knew in the comics; but always saw pepper's insistence on having her rt node in her chest and being her own woman, as story that could be related to by those who are trans and nonbinary, and than when i started writing johnny, which i had picked up for with a friend (not on tumblr) when i brought him to tumblr, i kept their hc for trans johnny storm; and now i am trying to find trans man actors to cast as johnny as opposed to cis actors
anyways. that's why clint's fc is ryan gosling now; which clint's had a lot of fcs; but i like ryan now for him; and while i put clint at 44, ryan's at 42.
greer's aging/physical age is around 30; due her superhuman serum/human enhancements as well as her transformation/mutation. adira her fc i 31. and i place greers age around 37 ish. looking younger than she is cause mystic stuff, serum stuff.
look when you write characters, whose canons date WAY back. age is a really hard number to figure out with 616 comic canon.
#ooc; psas and more#all headcanons tag#i feel like i should mention this maybe?#i dont know. look since coming back to TRPC ive intereacted very differently than how i use to#like not writing up verses or headcanons often or remembering what things i need to mention. or not.#and STUFF. im just here to WRITE. causee these characters are my FAVORITEs#and i mised writing. and im working so slowly on my startrs.#im probably gonna write mrtonystark thread before i continue draft cause HOLY SHIT#340 REBLOGS. we gone ham with this verse.#BUT ALSO CAUSE im running out of pepper and greer startrs. AND I KEEP TRYING TO DO SHORT STARTERS. AND THAN i dont or i run out of ideas.#this i why i like plotting / getting sent memes. BUT ALSO#I JUST WRITE A LOT#reminder i am trans nonbinary. gender is fucking weird. talking about body stuff/medical stuff can be weird for me.#not a trigger but just. hard to describe but weird for me.#also gonna get to Aurora's reply becaus CLINTJESS BRAIN ROT AS STARTD#i love clint and jessica's love era its so cute
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I think doing shipping through and aroace lens makes things complicated but also interesting. I think one reason I don't enjoy straight ships as much is because it's very rare for people write/talk about them with a queerplatonic dynamic. straight romance is so "normalized" in society, it's hard to get any other dynamic out of those ships from other people in conversation or writing. it's mostly always romantic. (especially when "guys and girls can't be *just* friends" is extremely common and has ruined mamy of my own friendships) but I enjoy a handful of a straight ship with that dynamic. it's just way more rare to see talked about than gay ones from my observation. anyway point is, more queerplatonic type ships and stuff please! those aren't explored enough!
#its really hard for me to describe what queer platonic means to me and how i see it and how that applies to ships i enjoy or even irl#i guess one way to explain it is being life partners without the need for romantic/sexual stuff and they dont date other people#dedicated to each other for life and act like partners but arent romantic/sexual about it.#example are cynonari. they adopter collei togther and are dedicated to each other. but theyre very fun as queer platonic relationship#and for straight version theres himeko and welt. a strong pair. work well togther. our train parents. platonic but life partners#partners in this crazy space train adventure that take care of us gremlin kids#and then theres also the queer straight platonic dynamic that's fun as well. 2 queers who form a straight platonic ship#think kafblade. how i like to imagine it is a lesbian and agender-aroace-gay-in-previous-life come together as platonic life partners#playing with this stuff and going outside the normal gender/sexuality box is fun#lee text#lee rambles#ive seen hi3 fans get very loudly upset about hsr fans shipping himeko and welt. but i never see them discussed as queerplatonic!#it could make everyone happy haha. life partners but not the romance. theyre our train parents but they arent a married couple!#disclaimer: ship your own ships. this is only about my ships and how i feel#before identifying as nonbinary i was subjected to the whole âguys and girls cant be just friendsâ bulshit and lost friends over it#im not even allowed to be friends with people as an aroace if im seem as a binary gender!!!!! it makes me so angry#i think straight shipping as an aroace that enjoys queerplatonic dynamics is a very weird trigger for bad feelings from those experiencesđ
#but its not why i prefer thos dynamic. the why is just being aroace in general and wanting that kind of relationship if i had a partner#but having a side of straight obsessed people ruining our friendships over their straight obsession feels bad#by straight obsession i mean we cant be friends anymore because they decided they saw me as a binary gender opposite theirs đ#and accused me of liking them and said im the one that ruined the relationship#where was i going with this i think im just rambling and info dumping about my brain stuff too much đ
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#absolutely do not want to argue because i get where the post is coming from with but im gonna give some thots#re: dennis autism!!!! ok!!!!!#ive talked about it before but there is WAY more to him being autistic than just the buzzer noises. when i first watched that i was like#is THIS really why people hc him as autistic. :/ and i get it! i do! i think he has misophonia inherited from glenn personally#its actually why i captioned the noise sensitive den gifsets as that rather than just. autism.#but personally i see his scripted social interactions and i go. yeah. me. me fuckin too.#and his outbursts. which are VERY personally relatable to me#i have uh. basically the same triggers? very similar triggers at least#i think dennis' neurodivergency presents itself differently because of his upbringing and thats why a lot of ppl go ???? when you say.#'yea i think den's autistic actually'#and like i said i was absolutely like. what the hell are people talking about. he's not autistic#but uh. on rewatches? hm.#dennis quite literally masks almost 24/7#charlie has no qualms about being perceived as like. weird. but dennis masks SO hard. SSSSSSOOOOO hard#i once saw a post like. charlie has boy autism and dennis has girl autism which honestly fucking hate that but its... kiiiind of true#ASD presents itself differently in adults depending on early social conditioning#mac fights gay marriage. group dates. new wheels. dee day. celebrity booze. all the big ones. all the hits.#look how he acts when he goes off script and is forced to speak off the cuff#the way glenn describes him as being very emotional but unable to adequately express his emotions too like. yeah. same.#theres so much more than the noise sensitivity#i could go on and on about how many fucking boxes he ticks but i honestly hate that shit. i know how autism works and that bitch is autisti#im going to refrain from commenting on the reasons why i feel charlie is more acceptably hced as autistic vs dennis because mmmmm but#dennis being 'hypersexual' (not about the sex. at all) and socially adept (has scripts/systems. charlie is more emotionally intelligent)#smells a lil stinky. smells a little bit like infantilization on charlie's part.#ada speaks#ok ill spare you guys. someday ill write a proper meta on this. ive talked about it before but.
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i know that mollymaukâs scars arenât self harm scars (that would be a fun and very fucked flavor for a blood hunter tho) but seeing art of him covered in scars still makes me so infinitely fond
#i am so weird abt engaging with self harm adjacent content and even i canât predict when itâs going to be bad for me. the circumstances#under which itâs triggering are so Specific itâs hard to describe#i am lucky in that my visible scars are fairly hard to clock but. idk. i am just very fond of characters with scars#and them being drawn as such. yes that tief should be covered in very very obvious scars it is a feature not a bug#.txt
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Why do I have like I feel like I have rapid cycling cyclothymia but itâs REALLY rapid and my lows are too severe? Or like bipolar ii breaking out of its lithium shell but REALLY REALLY REALLY rapid cycling like too rapid??? Tag consensus (me talking to myself) itâs probably the (C & regular) PTSD lol
#itâs like espeically recently so itâs probably bc I started doing more trauma work or smth#or bc of anxiety or my routine beinf weird idk thereâs so much#thatâs the only physical explanation I can think of#itâs so annoying like caffeine or no caffeine doesnât seem to have much effect#I thought it might be a blood sugar thinf (bc I also have nerve issues) but thatâs level#I have had isolated incidents of blood sugar spikes bc of [toxins] and I think it feels familiar but like I canât remember#also would take way longer to progress to the point that it would cause the nerve stuff#*me describing a medical experience of my own with very little knowledge lol#plus thatâs like 99.9% probably just from abusing my fucked up spine lately ahdbdnnsndm#Iâm just bzzzzzzzzzzzzz aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#feels like when Iâve had hypomanic episodes b4 I started the med that helped w that but itâs so fast like multiple shifts/swings per day#and like I said the depression is more severe#so maybe itâs like cyclothymia but I just also have depression obvs but it came back particularly bc of triggers maybe idk#Iâm also like mildly dissociative most of the time sometimes more so so idk itâs so hard to keep track#I fucking left my door unlocked yesterday bc I was so unfocused Iâm so mad at myself#sorry this is so annoying Iâm just trying to work it out and yâall have to bear witness ahdhsdnndndndkdjdm#Iâm like no filter Iâm too bzzzzzzz lol#personal /#jus talkin#probs yeah probs just my sympathetic nervous system constantly running until it crashes and then running again and cycle
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a75c28848211f6f7d4cfc8a5ca02340f/63ed89909cba5804-2a/s540x810/8223c80a7deaf4feb50b251d9baf5d5f0b48a452.jpg)
and baby makes three
(the reboot)
bucky barnes x fem reader
words: 11.3k
warnings: **18+ ONLY** friends to lovers, pining, smut, oral (f receiving), breeding kink, pregnancy kink, cockwarming (kind of??), trigger warning for having troubles with getting pregnant. it's still super fuckin soft despite all of that though, i swear.
a/n: okay so it's currently 6am as i'm typing this and i haven't been to sleep yet bc i decided to just heavily edit this instead of rewrite it bc i'm lazy i guess idk. this was posted originally back in 2021 i believe and it's still on ao3 it's just orphaned rip. i promise i'll be writing and posting new stuff soon ok pls have faith in me and cheer me on bc it's hard and scary and i don't wanna disappoint anybody :( ANYWAY, as usual, any and all mistakes are my own. if i've missed anything important pls let me know so i can correct it. feedback is encouraged (pls) and appreciated (i am begging...)
The idea of you having a child one day always seemed foreign and very unlikely. Sure, you liked kids well enough, but having one of your ownâŠ
Itâs a thought thatâs sat in a corner deep in your mind, buried beneath a million other impossible concepts; a thought that youâve only ever glanced over and never gave your full attention, having ruled it out ages ago as something you just couldnâtâor wouldnâtâdo.
And then, on a day like any other, it pushes its way to the forefront of your mind, making itself known and unwilling to leave.
Youâre going into the clothing store to find a new cardigan after your most favorite one got eaten by the dryer. Usually youâre a single-minded shopper, walking into a store with tunnel vision and on a mission to get what you need and thatâs it.
Today, however, you make the mistake of letting your eyes wander on your way to the sweater section. Your gaze just so happens to land on the baby clothes⊠and your steps falter. Itâs there that you see it, a tiny, pink onesie with a sleeping teddy bear printed on the front, displayed on an even tinier hanger. Thereâs matching pants with teddy bears all over them and ruffles on the butt and all your brain can muster up is cutecutecutecutecute.
Your feet carry you closer and before you realize what youâre doing you pick up the outfit, letting out a coo when you realize the teddy bear is fuzzy, softly rubbing your thumb across it. Somehow, you walk out of the store, not with a new cardigan, but with the cute baby outfit and a bow you thought looked adorable with it.
Itâs not until you get home that it hits you, that you bought baby clothes for a baby you donât even have.
The feeling that rushes through you is hard to describe. Shame? Embarrassment?
...Yearning?
No. Definitely not. Nope.
Thereâs absolutely no yearning going on here, not for a baby. Youâve never even had that desire before and you certainly donât see yourself having it now. You shake your head to clear it, telling yourself youâll take it back tomorrow.
Except you donât take it back. You conveniently âforgetâ and it stays shoved on the top shelf in your hall closet. You pretend you donât pause in front of said closet throughout the following daysâweeksâchewing on the inside of your cheek and staring at the door like you can see through the wood at the evidence of your impulsive purchase.
It gets harder to ignore, though, when you start getting ads for baby clothing brands. And baby toys, bottles, handy little gadgets for new parents, nursery decor⊠Itâs endless.
Then, as if it wasnât already bad enough, all of your childhood friends start popping out babies like itâs a brand new trend. You don't think you've seen your social media this flooded with pregnancy announcements and baby arrivals, ever. Your emotions are mixed; happy for them, and for their excitement, but thereâs also a weird discomfort settled in your stomach.
You hesitate to be that person who thinks the universe is trying to tell you something, but you do wonder. Why else would you suddenly have these feelings? Why else would there be baby stuff everywhere you look now?
It brings on other thoughts, as well. In this day and age, itâs not too unusual for women to have babies without being married, or without a significant other at all. There is the pressure, still, to at least be in a relationship, but considering youâve been practically in love with one of your closest friends for the last two years, itâs safe to say that youâre tragically single, so having a baby with someone is out of the question.
And god, do you even want a baby?
As soon as the thought crosses your mind, with a sudden clarity that hits you like a ton of bricks, you realize you do. It feels like a freight train has slammed into you. Your mindâs eye supplies you with images of a swollen belly and wide smile, a precious baby wrapped in a soft blanket, cradled in your arms, a gummy grin and happy giggle.
Emotion consumes you then, longing like youâve never felt in your life, chest aching with how badly you want that.
Itâs not as if youâre too young. Youâre plenty old enough and youâve got a secure job. You donât subscribe to that whole biological clock nonsense, but you do feel that if you are going to potentially have a baby, it might be better to do it now while youâre still in relatively good health.
You groan, dropping your face into your open palms, the movie you'd been watching to try and distract yourself long forgotten as it continues to play on the television.
This is a lot to think about, you ponder to yourself. Taking a deep breath in and releasing it slowly, you decide the mature thing to do is give yourself more time to ruminate on it. Having a baby is no small decision. You need to be absolutely certain itâs what you want. Itâs going to change your entire life, everything, and youâd be responsible for a new life. So, youâll have to give yourself a few months to decide and then you can go from there.
***
Youâre scrolling through yet another article on your laptop, engrossed in every detail of the process of artificial insemination and the symptoms and side effects that come with it. So engrossed, in fact, that you donât hear the key turning in the lock, the door opening and closing, and the heavy footfalls that follow.
Itâs only when Bucky asks, âWhatcha reading?â that you are even aware of his presence.
You startle so hard that your knee slams into the underside of your table. Ignoring the throbbing pain in your knee and your wildly beating heart, you close your laptop with a snap and turn to Bucky.
âYou could knock,â you grouse.
âWhy give me a key, then?â he retorts, unapologetic.
You roll your eyes and grumble under your breath, âClearly, it was a mistake.â
âYou didnât answer me.â
Brows furrowed, you ask, âWhat?â
He gestures to your laptop. âWhat were you reading? Your nose was nearly smushed against the screen.â
You blink, trying to think of a reasonable excuse and coming up empty.
âNothing,â is all your brilliant mind can supply.
Buckyâs eyes narrow for a few seconds, and you pray to every higher power and all that is holy and good that he wonât press further. You remain frozen under Buckyâs suspicious stare, hearing that Old West shootout music playing in your mind.
Thankfully, it seems the deities are feeling indulgent, as Bucky chooses let it go.
He holds up the bags he carried in. âI brought lunch.â
You perk up instantly. âDid you go to that one placeâ?â
âWith the fried rice you like so much, yes,â he finishes for you, smiling.
âYouâre the best,â you sigh, stomach rumbling eagerly.
âI know,â he replies, solemn and dramatic like the idiot he is.
He begins taking out the styrofoam boxes and chattering on about something dumb Steve did the other day, and you mean to listen, you really do. Itâs just. That article is still lingering in your brain. Thereâs so many steps and hassles. Plus, itâs not cheap. It would be a hefty investment.
Youâd only researched it because, after months of contemplating the pros and cons of having a baby, you determined the pros far outweigh the cons. But then the problem was: how to even make it happen.
Your first thought was that you didnât think youâd let just any man come inside you, for many obvious reasons. Youâd shuddered to think of it. Then there was surrogacy, which is admirable and wonderful, but youâd quickly dismissed that idea as you realized you wanted to actually carry the baby yourself. So that led you to artificial insemination. You werenât sure how you felt about it yet. There was something a little too clinical about choosing a random manâs sperm to have injected into your uterus.
Buckyâs still speaking as he grabs plates and forks, unaware of your inner monologue. âAnd then he got Sam involved,â heâs saying, scooping out food onto the plates, âwhich, as you know, I always think is a dumb thing to do.â
âI want to have a baby,â you blurt, eyes widening at your outburst.
Bucky fumbles with the spoon, sending fried rice flying, muttering curses as he tries to catch it with no luck as it lands with a dull clunk on the table. The silence that follows is loud. It feels like your heart is in your throat as you wait for him to just say something, anything.
âThis is⊠quite a mess Iâve made,â Bucky finally observes. His voice is a bit higher than usual. âWhereâs your vacuum? Actually, do you have one of those mini ones? Or would Clorox wipes be better? You know what, Iâll do both.â
He nods decisively then turns an expectant look towards you. His eyes look a bit wild, but you wisely keep that to yourself.
Wordlessly, you direct him to your hall closet. You realize your error a second too late when he opens the closet and reaches for the vacuum on the top shelf, where the purchase youâd made months ago also rests. His fingers get caught in the plastic bag when he grabs the handheld vacuum and its contents spill out. He goes to catch them right away, but once it registers what they are, he lets go of them like theyâre on fire and nearly drops the vacuum on his foot.
Heat has been steadily creeping up your neck, but now your whole body feels aflame with embarrassment. The two of you stare at the baby clothes lying unassumingly on the floor for a long moment, until Bucky quietly walks back to the table with the vacuum clutched tightly in his fist. He flicks the switch on and it whirs to life, sucking up the bits of rice scattered around the table.
Thereâs another lengthy silence after he turns the vacuum off and you're unable to find the right thing to say to break it. Bucky does it for you.
âSo⊠Youâre serious.â
You meet his eyes and sigh heavily. âYeah.â
He blinks a few times before clearing his throat, schooling his expression carefully. âI didnât realize you were seeing someone.â
You cough lightly and start picking the peas out of your fried rice. âWell, that would be because Iâm not.â
âI donât think I follow,â he admits slowly.
You sigh again, lowering your gaze to your lap. âLook, Iâve thought about this a lot, okay? Iâve given myself months to really make sure itâs what I want. Iâm in a good place in my life to have one, Bucky, and I donât want to feel pressured to wait until I might get married.â You lift your gaze to his. âI want to have a baby,â you repeat firmly. âAnd I donât need a partner to have one.â
Youâre not sure why you feel the need to defend yourself. Itâs not up to Bucky what you decide to do. You donât need his approval, or anyone elseâs. Maybe itâs because, even though you know it's not true, it feels like you're making too hasty of a decision.
After a beat, Bucky amends, âWell, I mean⊠You doâŠâ
âOh my god, shut up, you know what I mean,â you groan as you smack his arm, glad that he's not calling you crazy or trying to talk you out of it.
He doesnât even flinch, the jerk.
âWait, so what were you reading when I got here?â he suddenly questions, brows furrowed.
âNothing,â you say too quickly, guiltily.
âLet me see your laptop then,â he counters as he crosses his arms over his chest.
You flounder for a second, scoffing. âWhat? No!â
âIt canât be that embarrassing, just show me,â he wheedles.
âAbsolutely not.â
âLet me see!â
âItâs private!â
âDonât be a chicken.â
Your eye twitches. âIâm not a chicken.â Bucky smirks and before he can even open his mouth you interject with a finger pointed accusingly at his face, âDo not start clucking at me, Bucky. Iâll kick your ass,â you threaten, though it's weak and you're not the only one who knows it.
You glare when his smirk only widens. Slowly, he moves his arms like heâs gonna flap them like chicken wings.
âUgh! God, fine! You wanna know what I was reading?â You open your laptop and slide it over to him, turning it to where he can read it. âThere.â
Bucky scans the page, then scans it again, eyes flicking all over like itâs in a different language. His cheeks grow redder and redder as he reads and you get a small sense of satisfaction at the sight.
âWow,â he mutters finally. âYouâre turkey baster serious.â
âJames Buchanan Barnes,â you say, pinching the bridge of your nose.
âWhat?â he asks innocently.
When you make eye contact with him, you purse your lips to keep the laughter threatening to bubble out at bay, but the ever growing smile on Buckyâs face is hard to resist and you find yourself snorting a laugh that leads to uncontrollable giggles. Buckyâs laughing with you, his eyes crinkling on the sides. The tension you hadnât realized you held in your shoulders loosens and you nudge his knee with yours in silent thanks.
âSo,â he says after you've both calmed down.
âSo,â you repeat, dragging it out, drumming your fingers on the tabletop. âIâve been doing research, checking out all of my options, and while artificial insemination seems like the best choice⊠I donât know, thereâs just something too clinical about it,â you reply, voicing your concerns, âIt doesnât feel right. I know I said I donât need a partner, and I donât, but⊠Having absolutely no connection is weird.â
You shrug, waving a hand as if to say oh well, putting an end to the conversation, and pick up your plate to carry it over to the microwave. You reheat Buckyâs food while youâre up, and then you both start eating in comfortable silence. He gets halfway through his meal before speaking up.
âHave you⊠I mean, did you think about⊠Iâve heard that, uh. Some people ask another personâŠâ
He trails off, clearly frustrated that he canât just spit out what heâs trying to say. You think you understand what he means, though.
âI read up on surrogacy,â you say, biting your lip. âBut I donât think Iâd want someone else to carry my baby.â
âOh, no, I didnât meanâI wasnât suggesting, uh, that. Not that thereâs anything wrong with it!â he rushes to say.
You tilt your head. âWhat did you mean then?â
âWell,â Bucky starts, stilted, licking his lips. âFor the artificial insemination, have you considered⊠you know. Asking someone youâre close with?â
You frown, not following.
âForâfor the sperm,â he clarifies, shifting in his seat.
âOh,â you breathe, blinking rapidly, surprised as you think of how to reply. âUm. No? I wouldnât even know who I could ask, to be honest. Thatâs quite the request, you know? Who wouldââ
âMe,â he interrupts, determined and cheeks flushed, âI would.â
Your own face heats. âOh,â you say again, quieter.
You can say, with full confidence, that not once did it cross your mind to ask anyone to help you, but you especially would have never given thought to asking Bucky.
For a list of reasons, really, with âitâs Buckyâ being right at the very top. Likeâsure, yes, youâre in love with him, but after two years of no signs of reciprocation youâve learned to stop dreaming, to stop hoping. If the attraction was mutual he would have shown it by now, right? And on top of that, his friendship means the world to you and you wouldnât do anything to jeopardize it. You'd never forgive yourself if you ever managed to fuck up the one good, constant thing going for you.
âBucky,â you start, slow and careful, âthis⊠This isn't something you can just jump into. Itâs something you should think about for a while.â
He contemplates that for a second. âYouâre right,â he concedes with a nod. âButâŠâ He purses his lips, glancing away for a minute before turning back to you, leaning forward. âOkay listen, this is important for you. Itâs going to change your whole life. You said it yourself, not having a connection to the sperm donor feels wrong. Youâre my best friend, alright? Iâcare about you. You should pick someone you can trust.â
He clenches his jaw after he finishes speaking. You sort of hate the way your heart both flutters and plummets at his words. Itâs nice to know you matter to him, just not in the way youâve wanted for too long.
And if youâre really honest with yourself, Bucky would be a great choice as a donor. Heâs in great health, has strong features that would look wonderful on any gender. But would you be able to handle the repercussions of having his child? Would you be able to look at your baby and see those features without it sending a pang through your chest every single time? You canât say for certain.
Yet, the chance to have that type of connection with him, selfishly, sounds too good to pass up.
âAt least think about it for a few days,â you murmur reluctantly.
Itâs the most acceptance heâll get and he knows it. A smile blooms across his face and you have to swallow down the warring emotions rising within you.
***
With the amount of research you do on the subject now, it doesnât take long for you to find out that there are at-home kits for artificial insemination that are much easier (and cheaper). Itâs easy to settle on that, clicking on the info to order your kit with butterflies fluttering in your stomach.
You read through the instructions online and it all sounds simple enough, until you get to the part where it says that having an orgasm after injection helps increase your chances of conception.
Blinking, heat crawling up your neck, you read that step several times, hoping you read it wrong, but it doesnât change.
You⊠You canât masturbate with Buckyâs sperm inside you. Thatâs a line you refuse to cross.
And besides, heâs a healthy man in his thirties who exercises regularly and eats fairly healthy food! You probablyâdefinitelyâwonât need to take that step. Itâll be fine. Probably.
Once the kit arrives, you call Bucky and ask him to come over so you can explain the process to him. Since heâs only across the hall of your apartment building, heâs there a moment later, letting himself in with his key.
âLetâs make a baby,â is how he greets you.
âHold your horses,â you reply, fighting back a laugh. âI gotta walk you through everything first.â
He plops himself down next to you on your couch. âFine, fine. Go ahead.â
Squaring your shoulders, you begin telling him how it all works, and what parts he is key for. You speak through your awkwardness, avoiding eye contact, when you explain that heâll need to masturbate into a clean, sterile cup. You leave out how itâs suggested for you to also masturbate, deciding itâs not pertinent information for him to know.
âWhen do we start?â he asks once youâre done.
âI have to take an ovulation test first to find out the best days for me to conceive, but once I do that weâll be able to, um.â You gesture vaguely. âIâll be able to do the injections.â
He nods. âAlright.â He looks at you then, taking your hand in his and giving it a squeeze. âIâll be here every step of the way, okay?â
âI know,â you say, smiling. âThank you, Bucky.â
âYouâre welcome,â he returns softly.
âNo, really, thank you,â you assert. âThis is a lot to take on and I can never fully repay you.â
Bucky shakes his head. âI want you to be happy, and I can see that having this baby is going to do that. Iâll do whatever I need to do to ensure it happens.â
You pull him into a hug, willing yourself to not cry. Youâre not sure heâll ever understand what this means for you, personally, or that youâd ever find a way to express it. Heâs giving you so much more than just a baby.
***
The first injection time comes and you find yourself fidgeting where you sit as you wait for Bucky to bring over the, uh⊠sample. You do your best to not think about what heâs doing in his apartment, to not think about exactly how heâs collecting his sperm.
Now is not the time, you mentally scold yourself. Get it together.
A timid knock at your door alerts you to his presence. The fact heâs knocking says a lot about his own level of embarrassment about the situation.
His cheeks are pink when you open the door. âUh, hi.â
âHi,â you return.
He clears his throat and lifts the small cup in his hand. âHereâs⊠well, you know.â
You gingerly take it from him, not knowing what else to say, but when he smiles somewhat crookedly and turns to leave, you find yourself asking, âWill you stay?â
Buckyâs steps pause. âHuh?â
âWill youâI mean⊠Would you mind staying?â You shift on your feet. âThis is a big moment for me. I-I donât want to do it alone.â
âAre you asking me toâŠ?â He trails off awkwardly.
âOh! God, no, I wouldnâtâno,â you assure, huffing a laugh, âIâm doing the injection, I just need a little moral support. Thatâs all.â
Bucky smiles. âSure, Iâll stay.â
Relief floods through you. You step aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. He follows you to your bedroom and just before entering you stop in your tracks, nearly causing Bucky to bump into you.
âUm,â you mutter, turning to him. âYouâll have to, ah, sit out here,â you explain. âI have to be lying downâŠâ
Understanding dawns on him. âOh! Right, right, of course. Sorry.â
âIâll let you know when Iâm done,â you promise.
He nods and watches you close the door. You walk over to your bed and sit down, glancing at the syringe youâll be using and biting the inside of your cheek.
This is it. Thereâs really no going back after this. Sure, you may not get pregnant the first time, but Buckyâs already said heâd help you for as long as it takes. Itâs just⊠very real now. You donât feel any doubts, though. You want this.
Inhaling a large breath and slowly letting it out, hands shaking, you take the lid off the cup and pick up the syringe. You remember the instructions, making sure thereâs as little air sucked in as possible when you draw out the semen, and getting rid of the few air bubbles that you see. You grab your pillows and lie down, propping them beneath you to lift your hips.
âHere I go,â you mumble to yourself, taking another deep breath and releasing it.
A couple minutes later, the syringe is empty and youâve got your legs pulled up to your chest. You cover yourself with your blanket and call out Buckyâs name.
âYou okay?â you hear through the door.
âWill you come here, please?â you ask.
He walks in cautiously, making sure youâre decently covered before entering fully, wisely not commenting on your position. âWell?â
âI did it,â you whisper.
He stays quiet, letting you parse through your thoughts. You blink when you feel tears threatening to gather in your eyes. Heâs beside you in an instant, crawling in the bed and lying down, taking your hand in his.
âCongratulations,â he says softly.
âDonât congratulate me yet,â you reply, sniffing and wiping at your eyes.
âStill,â he presses. âYouâre one step closer now.â
He pulls your hand up and kisses the back of it. You give him a watery smile. The two of you lay there in silence for a moment before Bucky breaks it.
âThis isnât how I pictured myself making a baby.â
It startles a laugh out of you and Bucky grins, pleased to have helped ease the tense atmosphere. He distracts you with idle conversation after that, talking about his plans for the upcoming weekend, asking about yours, tells you about the newest stupid thing Sam did; he talks and talks and talks, until your anxiety is gone, and then he stays to cook dinner for you.
Your hug when he gets ready to head back to his apartment lasts a couple minutes longer than usual. Bucky quietly allows it, dropping a kiss on your forehead when you pull away.
âSame time next week?â he jokes, making you crack a smile.
âGoodbye, Bucky,â you reply exasperatedly as you close your door.
âBye, sweetheart,â he returns over his shoulder.
***
Weeks pass. More injections. Pregnancy tests taken.
But nothing happens.
All of your tests come back negative.
When reading up on artificial insemination, and pregnancy in general, youâd understood that there was a chance it wouldnât happen right away. You thought you were fine with that, that youâd be alright with the waiting and all. Looking at your growing collection of negative tests, however, has a sense of dread building within you. You do your best to quell it, telling yourself thereâs no need to stress over it. Yet.
Besides, your mind supplies in an overly cheerful manner, thereâs still one more method to try!
***
The next time Bucky brings over his sample, he lets himself in, like always, and passes along the cup with an encouraging smile. You try to smile back, but it feels more like a grimace. He either doesnât notice or he at least pretends not to, thankfully.
But when he goes to make himself comfortable to wait, youâre reminded that you havenât told him about the, uh⊠change in procedure, so to speak.
You clear your throat delicately. âI donât think youâll need to stick around this time.â
Bucky frowns. âWhy not?â
âBecauseâŠâ You trail off, cheeks pinking, yet not finishing the sentence, because how do you explain this?
âI promised you Iâd be here every step of the way,â he recalls. âI intend to keep that promise.â
You wince. âI really appreciate where your heart is, Bucky, I really do, but I literally cannot let you be here for this injection.â
âWhy not?â
You look heavenward for mercy. âI have toâŠâ
When you donât finish your sentence again, Bucky raises a single brow, gesturing for you to go on. âYou have to⊠what?â
You huff, throwing your arms out. âI have to orgasm, okay?â
His eyes go a little bit wide, but you can tell he tries to control his reaction. He swallows, shifting where he sits on the couch.
âOh,â he mumbles. âHave⊠have you had to do that before?â
âNo. Well, I mean, it was suggested, but I neverâŠâ
His eyebrows furrow. âDoes it help or something?â
You absently scratch your neck. âThey say it increases the chances of conception.â
âBut you havenât been doing⊠that.â
âI didnât think Iâd need to.â
Bucky inhales like heâs going to say something, but then doesnât.
âYeah, so, I donât think you should be here,â you utter, quickly adding, âNo offense.â
âNo, yeah, thatâs fair, um. Iâll justâIâll head back to my apartment,â he states as he stands. âYou canâI mean, if you still want me toâI can come back over? After you⊠uhâŠâ
âIâll let you know,â you reply, voice tight and high.
He nods, looking lost and like he wants to say more but thinks better of it. Finally, he mutters a soft bye and is out the door.
Alone now, your stomach feels like itâs tying itself in knots and your heart is doing its damnedest to beat out of your chest. You try to tell yourself that itâs just another injection, that this is the same as any other time you've done this, but you know itâs not. It's really, really not.
Laying down on your bed, syringe in hand, is much more nerve wracking than before. On your left lies a new addition to your routine. You donât know why youâre acting like such a prude all the sudden. Itâs not like youâve never masturbated before. Though, you suppose the major difference is that you didnât have Buckyâs sperm hanginâ out in your vagina all those other times while you did it.
âQuit being such a goober about this,â you tell yourself.
This has to be done for a reason. If you want to have a babyâand you do, very badlyâthen youâre gonna have to deal with the process.
Once youâve injected the sperm, you reach for your bullet vibrator next to your left hand. The instructions say not to insert anything, only to stimulate your clit. You try to clear your head, think of it as a chore or something, yet itâs hard not to think of a certain someone.
The vibrator buzzes with the press of a button. You adjust your hips, making sure theyâre tilted, then bring the vibrator to your clit. The first touch makes your stomach tense and thighs spasm.
You close your eyes, running the toy along your slit. You really donât want to drag this out, would prefer to get it over with as quickly as possible, but your mind begins running away with images.
Bucky, settled between your spread thighs, one hand resting on one of them, the other controlling the vibrator. You imagine heâd tease you, slowly trail it along the crease of your thighs, over your hips; everywhere but where you wanted it.
Bucky would probably give in once you whine and beg enough, once your desperation bled into your voice, and hold the vibrator directly to your clit, drink in your cries of pleasure like theyâre the finest whisky.
Heâd mutter soft but firm encouragement, tell you how good youâre doing, how good you sound. Heâd start circling the vibrator, going from quick to lazy swirls, then heâd change the setting to a higher one just to hear you whimper. His free hand would run up your torso to pinch at your nipples for added stimulation.
When you imagine him leaning down to add his tongue into the mix, your mind blanks as your climax hits you, a ragged moan forcing its way out of your throat. Youâre quick to turn the vibrator off and toss it to the floor, deciding youâll worry about cleaning it later, chest heaving as you pant for breath after an intense orgasm.
Shame and embarrassment consume you, mock you for using Bucky to rub one out. Youâd given in to the fantasy so easily.
Truthfully, itâs not the first time youâve thought of him while pleasuring yourself, but the context this time is completely different, and you feel immediately guilty. Admittedly, itâs probably irrational.
That doesnât stop you from cringing at your actions.
***
Youâre sure youâve bought out the entire pregnancy test section from the convenience store down the block. Currently, there are six different brands in front of you, all promising the most accurate results.
Bucky is sitting in your bedroom, quietly waiting for you to pee on all of them so you can both find out what they say. You chug the last bit of your third bottle of water even though your bladder is fit to burst at any moment. Turning the faucet on for modesty, you make quick work of the tests, then wash your hands.
And wait.
You call Bucky into the bathroom with you. The two of you quietly sit on the edge of your bathtub, counting down the minutes. Part of you wishes Bucky would say something dumb to break the tension, like he usually does, but you're also kind of glad he's just here, next to you, a silent comfort.
It seems like hours have passed when youâre finally sure you can check them.
The first one is negative, and so is the second. The third, however, reads positive. Your heart begins racing, clutching at the counter, but before your hopes get too carried away you read the rest. To your dismay, they are all negative. You stare down at them all, eyes falling on the loan positive test multiple times, knowing that itâs likely a false positive, yet stupidly hoping otherwise.
Your chin wobbles. Bucky hugs you from behind, resting his cheek on your shoulder.
âWhat do I do, Bucky?â
At your broken whisper, he sighs. âI donât know, sweetheart.â
Neither of you know what to say or do after that. Bucky continues offering quiet support, his solid presence at your back, and youâre grateful. Eventually, he leads you out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, sitting you down at the table as he starts preparing dinner.
When youâre both eating the spaghetti he made, he breaks the silence.
âDo you thinkâŠâ he starts, pausing to think of how to phrase his question before carefully carrying on. âAre you going to stop?â
âI donât want to,â you answer, the implied but hanging heavy in the air.
Bucky sits his fork down. âI know you want this, very much.â He pushes his hair out of his face as he leans forward, elbows settling on the table. âBut I hate seeing how sad you get when the tests come out negative. I feel so⊠powerless. Like I could be doing more or something.â
âYouâre doing all you can, Bucky,â you assure.
âThatâs the thing, though. I donât think I am.â
You frown. âWhat do you mean?â
He licks his lips, locking his fingers together. âI think we should have sex.â
Your fork drops to your plate with a clang, eyes going wide.
âI apologize for how blunt that came out,â he states with a wince. âBut, I mean, think about it. Youâve only been using my sperm from a syringe, and up until the last time, you hadnât been, um, orgasming with it.â You look away, bashful. âI just wonder if maybe trying the old-fashioned way would give you better results.â
âBucky,â you start, opening and closing your mouth a couple times before shaking your head. âItâs one thing for you to offer your sperm, which Iâm thankful for, truly, but⊠Having sex?â
âIâve already told you Iâm willing to do whatever I need to do,â he retorts earnestly. âYour happiness means a lot to me, okay? I hate sitting around and watching your heart break every week. Youâve tried it your way, now I think we should try mine.â
âI-I donât know,â you hesitate, chewing on the inside of your cheek, knee beginning to bounce under the table.
His hand slides onto your knee, stilling the movement as he ducks his head to meet your gaze. His eyes are impossibly sincere and your resolve crumbles in an instant.
âIt wonât⊠Itâs not going to change anything,â he assures. âI wonât allow it.â
You swallow roughly. He may not, but your heart is going to take its toughest beating yet. Itâs going to be hopeless trying to overcome the inevitable emotions that come with sex.
Even so, somehow, your longing for a baby eclipses all of this. Now that youâve imagined holding your child in your arms, raising them and loving them, you canât go back. Not anymore.
âOkay,â you allow, softly.
Buckyâs shoulders relax, lips tipping up into a devastating smile.
Youâre so fucked. (Pun intended.)
***
Two nights later, youâre pacing in your bedroom, impatiently waiting for Bucky to arrive. Youâd been unsure whether or not you should dress up. You didnât see the point, honestly. Still, a small part of you wondered what his reaction would be if he saw you all done up in lingerie. At the moment, youâre in an oversized t-shirt and pajama shorts.
Itâs Bucky, you think, and this isnât a normal situation, it doesnât matter what Iâm wearing.
You hear his key turning in the lock then and your heart begins hammering away. He calls your name as he enters.
âIn here,â you reply, twisting your fingers nervously.
He walks into your room looking just as on edge as you are. He also seems to have had the same idea about his attire, comfortable in his white tee and sweatpants. His feet are bare and for whatever reason that feels way more intimate than it has any right to.
âHey,â he greets.
âHi.â
You bite your lip, eyes flitting around your room and coming back to settle on Bucky. He huffs.
âThis is ridiculous,â he declares, âItâs just us.â
âRight,â you nod, biting the inside of your cheek.
âItâs not gonna be weird.â
âNope.â
His jaw ticks. You stare back at him. It only takes a moment for you to realize that somebody has to make the first move, so you steel yourself and turn on your heel, walking towards your bed.
âIâm keeping my shirt on,â you announce as you unceremoniously drop onto the mattress, grabbing your pillows to stuff them under you.
Bucky follows at a sedate pace, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He pauses next to you, taking a second to roll his shoulders, then he climbs in and settles in front of your bent legs. He gingerly places his hands on your knees.
âMay I?â he asks.
Mouth suddenly dry, you nod. He moves his hands to the waistband of your shorts and tugs. You lift your hips to help him slide them down and off, along with your underwear. Gently, he spreads your legs.
Your breathing has picked up considerably, eyes firmly trained on the ceiling. You know youâre already wet and are blessedly thankful he doesnât mention it.
The first slide of his fingers has you inhaling sharply. He slowly gathers your slick and trails it up to your clit, lightly circling it. Your mind recalls your fantasy, but you quickly shove it back to the depths of your thoughts, lest you do something idiotic like tell him about it.
He spreads your legs more, adjusting his position between them. His fingers move down until he can sink one into you. You gasp, hands shooting out to grasp your sheets. He wastes no time and begins thrusting his finger inside you.
It becomes quickly apparent to you that itâs going to be very difficult to hold back any noise or reactions. Goddamnit, you will try, though!
When he decides itâs time to add another finger, you feel yourself clench around them, and his soft fuck does not go unnoticed, evident in the way your pussy traitorously clenches again.
âCan IâŠ?â he asks, voice cracking, but doesnât finish his thought, making you have to break your staring contest with the ceiling and look at him.
Heâs not even looking back at you, heâs staring at his fingers, watching them pump in and out of you, half bent over with a slack jaw, like he wants toâŠ
He meets your eyes then, licking his lips.
Oh.
Swallowing around the sudden lump in your throat, knowing youâre probably going to regret it, you nod.
Heâs leaning over and sucking on your clit before you can even blink. You cry out, thighs trying to clamp around his head, but his free hand shoots out to hold you open. It makes you squirm, fisting the sheets even tighter. His fingers curl inside you as his tongue licks around them and you whine, high and needy, and then mouth is back on your clit, tongue swiping over it, sucking on it with loud, obscene noises.
His hand comes up to grab the hem of your shirt, shoves it upward until itâs bunched underneath your breasts. Those fingers ghost back down your torso, goosebumps erupting in their wake.
He speeds up his thrusts and your hand flies down to grip his hair. You donât think youâre meant to hear the quiet grunt he lets out, but you do, and it has you panting even harder. Your orgasm is building, fast, and you pull on his hair in warning.
âBucky,â you say on a gasp.
Using his arm to hold you down, his free hand joins, thumb swiping over your clit now as he dips his head to slide his tongue in alongside his fingers. It draws a yell out of you, the ever expanding pleasure within you bursting into the hardest orgasm youâve experienced thus far in your adult life. You know youâre moaning, bucking into the sensations coursing through you, and youâd feel abashed if you didnât feel so fucking good.
Before you can become too sensitive, Bucky withdraws his fingers and sits up. You canât even really catch your breath, though, because in the next second heâs whipping his t-shirt off and shoving his sweatpants down far enough to free his cock.
Your thighs do clamp closed then, at the sight of how thick he is, and he tries and fails to keep his smirk hidden.
âOh, shut up,â you wheeze.
âDidnât say anything,â he counters.
He doesnât let you argue, choosing that moment to shuffle closer and line up with your opening. Cautiously, he eases himself inside, inch by inch. Your mouth drops open, brows furrowing as he fills you, stretching you so perfectly. When heâs in as far as he can go, the breath wooshes out of him, his head falling back. You know heâs trying to be polite and let you adjust, butâ
âOh my god, move,â you demand, impatient.
He huffs a laugh, dropping his heavy lidded gaze to yours. âBossy.â
âDid you really expect anything elseâoh!â
The grin he aims your way after grinding into you is downright sinful. You mentally tell yourself to kick him for that later.
He grabs your hips and the pillows and settles you closer to his lap, changing the angle, then pulls out and glides back in, creating a painstakingly slow rhythm.
You have to close your eyes. You canât look at him anymore. You knew he was probably a god in bed, but to now have firsthand experience? There was no way youâd be able to fuck anyone else without comparing them.
His grip on your hips tightens, the only warning you get before his thrusts turn sharp.
âFuck,â you cry out, your hands reaching up to grip the pillow beneath your head.
The sound of your skin meeting his is harsh in the otherwise quiet room. Well, okay, youâre not exactly being quiet, but you canât be blamed for that.
Bucky, however, is nearly silent. The only thing you hear from him is heavy breathing. You wonder if heâs holding back, the thought crossing your mind for a split second, and then youâre clenching around his cock, trying to see if you can gain a reaction. And boy, do you get one.
He grunts and sucks in a breath, lips parting as his eyes squeeze shut. His hips pick up their pace and hair falls into his face. You find yourself wishing he was closer so you could brush it out of the way.
Stop it, you scold yourself.
He pauses to grind into you again, your walls fluttering around his throbbing cock, and you both sigh. Bucky leans forward, hooking your legs into the crooks of his elbows, and resumes his brutal pace.
âO-Oh,â you whimper.
The new angle is heavenly, his cock dragging along a spot inside you that you thought nobody else could find. Unable to help yourself, you clutch at his arms, nails digging in.
âShit,â he groans, thrusts faltering.
He lets go of one of your legs to slip his hand between you, rubbing at your clit and sending you that much closer to your second orgasm. He can tell youâre close, but youâre gonna need something to push you over the edge. He leans down even closer, breath fanning out against your cheek.
âCâmon,â he pants. âLet go.â
You shiver when his tongue flicks your earlobe and sucks it into his mouth, keening as the pressure builds. He thrusts harder, faster, and when you grasp his hair and pull, he growls and latches on to your shoulder, biting down. You gasp from the added pain and then youâre coming, shuddering and whining through your release. Bucky isnât far behind, raising up and fucking into you savagely before pausing abruptly, groaning as he finally comes. He lazily thrusts a few more times to draw it out, then stops, stilling with his cock inside you.
Your hair is sticking to your forehead, as well as your shirt to your clammy back, breathing in lungfuls of air. Bucky is softly caressing your thighs, letting out shaky breaths as your pussy continues to flutter around him.
It takes several moments for you to gather your wits, for the rest of the world to come filtering back in. You are truly and completely fucked now, in every sense of the word.
âWellâŠâ You trail off, voice scratchy.
âThat wasâŠâ
âMhm,â you mumble.
Bucky sighs heavily. âLetâs hope it worked this time.â
You hum. âThank you for your service,â you reply with a lazy salute.
You yelp when he pinches your hip, kicking at him in retaliation. The jostling reminds you, with a gasping groan, that heâs still buried balls deep inside you.
âUm.â You cough lightly. âYou wanna, you know⊠pull out?â
He looks down where youâre connected like it hadnât even dawned on him. âOh, uh. Well, I thought maybe it could, like. Help.â
His gaze stays locked, fingers flexing on your hips, and you feel like squirming again.
âI think itâs good,â you say quietly.
Bucky finally glances back up at your shy tone, cheeks pinking. He clears his throat.
âRight.â
Carefully, he eases his softening cock out of you, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from making a noise.
You canât hold back yours, though, gasping once heâs gone. You feel unbearably empty, but refrain from voicing that incessant thought.
Buckyâs intense eyes stare at your pussy until you reach for the throw blanket next to you. He watches you throw it over your lap, drawing your legs up to your chest, and takes that as his cue, jolting into action.
âOkay, so.â He starts, then stops, climbs off your bed and pulls his sweatpants back up. âThis wasâI mean, if it doesnât take this time, we can⊠try again.â
âYeah,â you mutter. âSounds good.â
He nods, bending to pick up his discarded t-shirt. âGreat. Iâll just, um, see myself out, I guess.â
You nod, sending a smile that doesnât quite reach your eyes in his direction. He seems to contemplate something for a second, then leans down to kiss your forehead before saying a quick goodbye and leaving.
As soon as you hear your apartment door shut, you let your tears fall.
***
Itâs not really like you mean to avoid him after that.
Honest.
You simply become busy, thatâs all. You definitely donât go out of your way by taking the stairs in your apartment building to avoid possibly bumping into him in the elevator. No, you take the stairs because you could use the cardio. Itâs important you stay healthy right now. And when he texts you to ask if you want to have dinner, you canât help that youâve got boatloads of work to catch up onâall five times he asks.
Okay, so, thatâs a lie. Youâre totally avoiding him. But what on earth are you supposed to say to him now? You donât think youâd even be able to look him in the eye anymore, not after the fuck of your goddamn life.
That night confirmed what you already knew for the last two years: Bucky absolutely ruined you for anyone else.
More than anything, though, you were angry with yourself. Heâd only offered because you werenât getting your desired results the other way. You should have been able to separate your feelings and emotions from all of it. After all, none of this was about whatever you feel towards Bucky. This was about trying to conceive a baby.
You try telling yourself to get over it. Heâs your best friend, you canât just cut him off because youâre a spineless pansy.
I just need some time, you reason. You can give yourself a few days to wallow over what could have been and then you can reach out to him and pretend like everything is fine. Because it is.
***
Flash forward two weeks to you attempting to sneak into your apartment, only to jump out of your skin when you turn around and find Bucky sitting on your couch, an unreadable expression on his face.
âOh, good, youâre still alive,â he drawls.
His tone suggests annoyance. You suppose you deserve that.
âHey,â you say after a pause.
He stares at you for a moment longer before speaking again. âI thought we agreed we wouldnât let it get weird.â
You agreed, you almost say, thankfully biting it back. You drop your purse on the entryway table, sliding your shoes off and making your way over to sit next to him.
âIâm sorry,â you mumble. You tug your sweater sleeves down and tuck your feet beneath you. âI havenât ever⊠Iâve never been intimate with a friend before. It was just⊠a lot.â
Itâs a half truth, at least. You havenât had sex with a friend before. Or, well, not one you had feelings for.
âYou couldâve just told me,â he replies, reaching for your hand.
You nod. âI know, and I should have, I just. Things are all out of whack lately with the whole⊠trying to get pregnant thing.â
âIf I overstepped in any wayââ Bucky starts, but youâre quick to interrupt.
âYou didnât,â you promise. âYouâve been nothing but fantastic throughout this whole ordeal. Honestly, Bucky, youâve done way more than anyone else would have in this situation. I just had a lot going on in my head and let it get the best of me. Iâm fine, I swear.â
He searches your eyes and must find what heâs looking for.
âDonât shut me out again,â he pleads.
Heart cracking in your chest, you can only nod, shuffling closer to pull him into a hug. He buries his face in your neck and holds on tight.
***
Another week passes.
Bucky is with you as you wait for the results of the latest pregnancy test. Heâs reassured you that youâll keep trying until it happens if it didnât work this time.
When the timer on your phone goes off, you release the breath youâve been holding. You take tentative steps over to the sink and gingerly pick up the test.
Positive.
Your stomach swoops. Itâs positive. You check again, reading the digitized screen, but it stays the same. Positive. Holy shit.
âOkay, wait, no, I need to do more. I canât get my hopes up again,â you mutter, rushing to open the cabinet under your sink to dig out several more varieties of tests.
You donât even wait for Bucky to leave before youâre peeing on the other sticks. Heâs seen it all at this point anyway, and he doesnât seem to care, sitting on the edge of your tub with an anxious expression. The downside is that you have to wait another few minutes for these tests to finish and you canât sit still, pacing back and forth in the small space of your bathroom.
The timer goes off again. You feel like youâre going to throw up when you finally work up the courage to look down.
Every single one of them⊠Positive.
A shocked, happy laugh escapes you. You cover your mouth, turning to Bucky with wide eyes.
He rises to his full height, coming closer and peering down at the tests, then back to your teary eyed expression.
âDid weâŠ?â
Words failing you, you nod, giggling in astonishment. Buckyâs face breaks into the biggest, handsomest, most gut-wrenching smile. His happiness is palpable and youâre suddenly so overcome with emotion. Your hands are gripping his face and angling it to align your lips to his before you register what youâre doing. He freezes and you hurriedly pull away, taking a few steps back.
âIâm so sorry, I-I donât know whyââ
âShut up,â he cuts you off, closing the gap between you in a single stride.
He kisses you like his life depends on it, pressing your bodies as close as possible, his hands cupping your cheeks. You clutch his shirt desperately, never wanting to let go. He steals the breath straight from your lungs when he swipes at the seam of your lips with his tongue, moaning happily when you allow him access. A feeble whine from you after he flicks his tongue against yours makes him break the kiss.
âI have a confession,â he breathes into the miniscule space between your mouths.
âWhat?â you question distractedly.
âIâm in love with you.â
Your gaze shoots up to his, astounded. He brushes stray hairs off your forehead, runs his thumbs softly under your eyes.
âIâve been selfish this whole time,â he reveals. âI couldnât let you choose some random stranger to be your sperm donor, to father your child, couldnât bear the thought of you carrying their baby, because Iâve been in love with you since the moment I met you. I wanted to be the one. And Iâm sorry for not telling you sooner, but Iâm not sorry I did it.â
Youâre hearing the words, yet your brain canât seem to make sense of them. Surely youâre hearing him wrong. You canât possibly have this too, right? You can't have Bucky and have his babyâŠ
But heâs here, very real and solid beneath your hands, looking at you like youâre his entire world.
âBuckyâŠâ You trail off, struggling to find the right words, at a complete loss. âI-Iâve loved you for so long now, I didnât think youâŠâ You shake your head, a giggle escaping you as you stare at him in wonder. âI couldnât let myself hope.â
He grins, relieved, planting a few chaste kisses to your mouth. âI know this entire circumstance is totally backwards, but I want you, and I want this baby. I meant it when I said Iâm not going anywhere.â
Fresh tears gather in the corners of your eyes. âAre you sure?â you still ask.
âIâve never been more sure of anything.â
You have to kiss him then, uncaring of the tears that trickle down your face. The only thing you are focused on is the way his hands trail down your back, pausing to squeeze your ass, then grip underneath to lift you. Your legs wrap around his waist, arms locked around his neck, as he heads for your bed. He makes a point of throwing your extra pillows on the floor before settling between your thighs and kissing the hell out of you.
He pulls away only to undress you and himself, but heâs always back as quickly as possible, lips pressing kisses wherever he can reach. You impatiently tug at him until his lips are attached to yours again. The way he fucks his tongue into your mouth is nothing short of indecent and it sends a rush of pure want all the way to your core.
When you bury your fingers in his hair, gripping it tight, he grunts, biting your lip. You whimper and he grins as he pulls away.
âYou make the most beautiful sounds,â he praises, his hands beginning to sweep down and up, tickling under your breasts.
His thumb and forefinger pinch one of your nipples and you gasp, back arching off your mattress. He repeats it on the other side, just to hear the same noise.
âBucky, please,â you beg.
âPlease what?â he prods. His hands drift further to the creases of your thighs, spreading them open. âWhat do you need?â
You whine, canting your hips up. âYou, I need you, please.â
âYou have me, sweetheart.â He tilts his head and you make a noise of frustration. âUse your words, darlinâ.â
âFuck me, please,â you burst out, feeling your pussy clench around nothing.
Bucky smiles, slow and torturous. âYeah? Want me to fuck you? Fuck this perfect pussy until youâre so full of my come that it drips down your beautiful thighs?â
âOh god,â you mumble.
âIâll take that as a yes,â he teases.
His fingers slide down your slit, gathering your slick then thrusts two fingers in at once. You groan brokenly, shifting your hips to try and get more friction, but he holds them down with his metal arm. Agonizingly slow, he begins fucking you with his fingers. Itâs good, itâs amazing, but itâs not enough. Not when you know what his cock feels like. He takes his precious time fingering you and youâre sure youâre going to lose your mind before the day is done.
âYou have no idea how incredible you felt around my cock,â he tells you in a ridiculously conversational tone. âI was trying to think of any excuse I could come up with to have you at least one more time.â
He shifts until his mouth is directly above where youâre dripping for him, and he waits until you make eye contact with him.
âBut now Iâm gonna spend the rest of my life making you come apart on my cock any chance I get.â
You hardly have any functioning brain cells at the moment, but even if you could form a coherent sentence you wouldnât have been able to say it aloud, because then heâs descending and all you can feel is the wet warmth of his mouth.
He definitely doesnât hold back this time, that much is apparent in the way he devours you, lips and tongue drawing out noises youâve never heard yourself make, pressing his face so far into your pussy that he has to come up for air. His mouth and chin shine when you chance a look down, and when you clench on his fingers his smile goes smug at the corners.
He plants kisses along your hips, the insides of your thighs, around where his fingers are buried within you. He curls them, in search of the spot he found last time. He knows he found it when you try to close your thighs around his head and cry out. Now that he's found it, he angles to brush it on every thrust of his fingers and attaches his mouth back on your clit.
You chant his name, nearly sobbing as you approach your climax, until finally you fly over the edge. Your vision blurs and youâre not sure if youâre making any noise now, unable to hear past the blood rushing in your ears. Bucky helps you ride it out until youâre shuddering from sensitivity.
He kisses your thighs again, trailing them up your stomach and between the valley of your breasts.
âSo good, did so well,â he mutters.
Weakly, you lift your hands to trace them down his toned stomach and around his back, down further so you can cop a feel of your own, smiling at his grunt of surprise.
âThat was great and all,â you say, arching your back so your chest presses against his, âbut I do believe I asked you to fuck me.â
He arches an eyebrow. âWho said I was done with you?â Itâs apparently a rhetorical question, as he continues before you get a chance to reply. âIâm gonna fuck you until you come, and then Iâm gonna keep fucking you until you come again, and only then will I come so deep inside you thereâll be zero doubt Iâve put a baby there.â
Your legs are lifted and thrown over his shoulders in a blink, his cock pushing into your pussy, dragging out a high-pitched moan from you. Thereâs barely a pause and then heâs fucking you, just like you asked. The pace is brutal right from the start, a steady rhythm that has you mewling and writhing in pleasure. Bucky is watching his cock as he thrusts in and out of you, his mouth hanging open slightly as he pants. He hikes your hips up a little higher and you jolt through your startled moan. This angle is divine and the telltale signs of your second orgasm start tingling at the base of your spine.
âCan feel you,â Bucky says through panting breaths, âso close. Câmon, let me feel you.â
He pulls you down on his cock, grinding into you, his thumb reaching to rub tight circles over your clit. You sob through your release, shuddering against Bucky as you clench around him. He groans, still barely moving as you come down from your high.
âFuck,â he grunts. âCome here.â
He helps you sit up, still seated on his cock, making you both hiss from your movement. Your arms automatically wrap around his shoulders and his around your waist. He kisses you so sweetly, a stark contradiction to the way he just fucked you. When you pull away, resting your foreheads together, he grins.
âHi.â
You crack a smile. âHi.â
âReady for more?â he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.
âYou think you got it in you?â you tease as you play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
The light smack to your ass startles you and you let out a soft sound of surprise, hands tugging his hair harshly. Buckyâs eyes light up.
âInteresting,â he muses.
Another slap, a little harder than the first, and youâre whimpering, your walls clenching around his still hard cock.
âIâll play with that later,â he promises, voice breathy.
You bury your face in his neck and start shifting your hips. He takes the hint, gathering you as close as he can and thrusts up into you. He canât pull out as far this way, but the snap of his hips more than makes up for it. You mouth at his collarbone messily, kissing and licking your way up to his jaw, biting marks wherever you see fit. You make it up to his mouth and he kisses you, wet and filthy. You suck on his tongue and a ragged moan claws its way out of his throat. The need for air eventually has you pulling away.
âItâs a good thing you love me back,â you whisper in his ear. âNobody else could ever compare to you.â
He growls, fisting your hair and yanking your head back to look him in the eye.
âNobody will ever compare,â he corrects.
You moan. âYes,â you agree, whining, âNo one else couldâve given me a baby.â
Bucky thrusts harder and faster at your words. Youâre picking up on a few hints and you canât say itâs not doing it for you either.
âFilled me up so good, fucked me so well. Gonna be round with your baby soon.â
âFuck, fuck,â he keens, hurrying to lay you flat on your back so he can fuck into you easier.
The sound of skin meeting skin fills the room, your cries of pleasure mixing in with Buckyâs grunts and curses. His grip on you tightens almost painfully as he chases both your and his orgasm. Youâre sure to have bruises tomorrow and you already know you'll be poking at them to remember this moment.
âCâmon, baby, wanna feel you too,â you beg.
His thumb finds your swollen clit once more. Itâs beyond sensitive now, feels like a shockwave coursing through you, and without any warning, you come. You spasm around Bucky and he swears under his breath, thrusts going sloppy. With a final groan, he comes inside you, his hips moving seemingly on their own as he draws out both your pleasures. Slowly, he comes to a stop, but he leaves his cock buried in you like he did last time.
You know youâre gonna feel too empty when he does pull out, so you donât mind sitting like this for a while. Bucky softly runs his hands across every inch of your skin he can touch and you bask in the affection. You card your fingers through his sweaty hair, smiling when he hums happily. It takes only a minute for you to notice the way his hands migrate to your stomach, and when you do you kiss his shoulder.
âMaybe we should go again later,â you suggest faintly.
Bucky grins. âWe can do it a hundred more times if you want.â
âGuess I better enjoy it while I can.â
His smile goes soft at the edges.
Itâs not lost on you how incredibly crazy all of this is. There will undoubtedly be a conversation, a much needed one that isnât going to be simple or easy, but itâs necessary.
For now, though, you bask in Buckyâs warmth and loving embrace.
***
Keys jingle as they unlock the door and you perk up where youâre sprawled on the couch. Bucky enters, arms laden with bags from the convenience store.
âThey didnât have the banana ice cream you asked for,â he announces, continuing before your pout fully forms, âbut they did have the double chocolate brownie kind you love so much, so I got that, as well as the sour gummy worms, beef jerky, and fried pickles from the deli on your list of demands.â
âWhat aboutââ
âAnd your strawberry Fanta,â he adds with a fond, slightly exasperated smile.
Youâre unable to stop your expression from going soft and dreamy.
Ever since you and Bucky figured out where to go with your relationship, heâs been even more attentive and accommodating (and thatâs saying something).
You expressed your worry about the possibility of something going wrong, that one or both of you would get bored and leave, or thereâd be a big fight that neither of you could forgive. He was quick to reassure you of his commitment, told you there was no way he would ever get bored of you, and that as long as you both promise to talk things out in a calm, mature way, then youâd be alright.
It all sounded so easy when it was put like that. The more you thought about it, though, the more you realized he was right. It wasnât fair to either of you to already give up before youâd even started. So youâd taken a deep breath and leaped.
Now, youâre five and a half months in, your belly steadily growing and making everyday life increasingly uncomfortable. The changes to your body were physically and emotionally draining, to say the least. Moreso the emotional side. Youâd hoped you wouldnât be one of those pregnant women with strange cravings, and for the most part they were pretty tame, but you do like to dip your sour gummy worms in banana ice cream. Bucky didnât attempt to hide his disgust over that.
âWhat did I do to deserve you?â you ask on a pleased sigh.
He places your small cornucopia of goods on the coffee table. You sit up, huffing for breath during the struggle. You go to reach for the ice cream first, but Bucky catches your hand, lacing his fingers with yours and kissing your knuckles as he kneels in front of you.
âYou were yourself. Smart, kind, selfless, unbelievably sexy.â You snort at that, but heâs undeterred. âAnd youâre giving me the best gift I could ever dream of. A family.â
Instantly, youâre crying. Heâs grown accustomed to the mood swings by now, taking it in stride as he wipes away the tears with gentle hands.
âStop being so disgusting,â you blubber through your hiccuping cries. âYouâre such an asshole.â
Bucky laughs. âI love you too, sweetheart.â
You sniffle, kissing him. âLove you,â you grumble.
He leans down and plants the softest of kisses to your belly. âAnd I love you, little lady.â
The idea of you having a child one day always seemed foreign and unlikely, but life has a way of turning out exactly how itâs supposed to⊠And you wouldnât change a thing.
#avengers fic#marvel fic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes#bucky barnes imagine#bucky x reader#bucky x you#i can't remember how to tag bye
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The boys in heat
Extremely self indulgent UT Sans x Reader, US x Reader, UF Sans x Reader, HT Sans x Reader, and UL Sans x Reader. Talks of impregnation, breeding and a lot of overstimulating. AFAB Anatomy but pronouns are gender neutral. NSFW obvs
No trigger warnings I think? Some minor blood & cnc play with Horror Sans + cum inflation with Underlust Sans but that's it
đ Minors DNI
Classic Sans :
Awkward is the best term to describe him during this time, Sans does not like being out of control of his body in any form and his heat especially as it progresses is gonna be an experience to say it lightly
Generally hard to be easy and laid back when your body is not uh....not that
He deliberately does not tell you about it, avoids sex like the plague, and is just generally acting weird, until you either put the pieces together or he genuinely thinks he might pounce on you at any moment
He personally admits he normally rides these out alone and doesn't know how he'll act around a partner
Now that you're here though, things are different
A brief chat mainly to ease him into it as you genuinely trust Sans regardless of what pheromones are doing to him
Once things get started well? It is a lot
Sans had previously been attentive during sex don't get me wrong, however he just kind of treats it like anything else he does. Chill and laid back.
During his heat? He's clingy, impatient and needy, going for several rounds at a time, begging to pump you full of his cum, groping at anything and everything.
Naturally rougher as a result, though it's less intentional and more out of sheer desperation because even without extreme horny brain you turn him on so fucking much
"sorry baby i can't help it-" being said as he fucks you through your fifth orgasm of the day, he's cum inside you many times at this rate but his body screams for more and for more of you specifically
When he does tire himself out or manage to calm his urges enough to think properly he does help clean up, order take out and cuddle. The occasional pun here or there, "i'd make a dick joke but that'd come across as cocky wouldn't it"
But per usual cool down periods do not last for that long, you have woken up before with him grinding against you nearly whimpering as he needs another round
Never been extremely heavy on dirty talk, but he's a lot more quiet during his heat cycle outside of grunts and moans. When he does speak it's normally making sure you're okay, praising you, telling you he's close.
Occasionally he'll mumble things to himself likely things he didn't mean to say outloud, stuff like how good you're gonna look knocked up, how much he wants to fill you right now, and that he wants to breed you so fucking bad
Kinda...protective in a way he just isn't, even when he isn't balls deep inside you. Hovering over you, attending to your needs outside of the bed room attentively, and on the off chance you need to speak with someone else. He is there, as if waiting for the moment he's needed to intervene.
Definitely some nesting behavior, that's pretty endearing.
Underswap Sans :
Does tell you about it beforehand, blunders a bit, sort flustered, but he wants a gameplan before anything else and he did not want to risk scaring you off.
You get the whole run down, how long the cycle lasts, what to expect, the likely good if a kid happening, etc, etc.
You start out very informed and you do prep for it accordingly, though Sans did insist that you could just sit this out as he is aware he becomes a lot during this period
And boy howdy was he not fucking joking
This man has some serious energy, combine that with his over energetic nature in general and his need to please you feel like you're basically rendered into his personal fleshlight as he pounds into you over and over
Anytime he cums, he simply just doesn't stop. Still hard and thrusting into you like jack hammer, as if the previous orgasm was just a little hiccup.
Don't worry he's just as eager to please you as he is himself
Sans has always been a bit of a worshipper in the bedroom regardless of who's on top (you two switch it up quite a bit), he really gets off on just knowing he's making you feel good and likes to praise you cuz he looooooves you
He's sickeningly sweet sometimes and on his heat
Every orgasm you have is getting milked outta you
He'll happily play with with clit and tits while pounding into you, man handling your form in passionate manner. Anything to make you moan louder and cum on his cock again
Very chatty too, not that he was ever quite but it's full force here. On and on about how pretty you look stuffed with his cum, how you're so tight, how he wants to never stop and how he's going to keep making you feel so good
Due to his high stamina cool down periods almost like never happen, he will still stop and tend to your needs when you're hungry or tired but he has a raging hard on the entire time.
You work on a compromise of him jerking off and cuming on your nude form either when asleep or utterly wrecked with your over flown pussy needs a break
Which while at first he doesn't seem that thrilled about the idea, changes his mind as he really likes the idea of you being covered and marked in his scent.
It's less out of jealousy and more out of pride to mark you a deliciously nude way
Underfell Sans :
Would have told you about his heat....if he remembered
You're both kinds thrown for a loop by it, you more than him honestly. But thankfully you at least knew monsters did have heat cycles so it wasn't as out of nowhere as it could be
Though at first it did just seem like just Sans but hornier
Sans seems to have two main moods that be flip flops in-between, VERY aggressive in which he fucks you with malicious almost violent intent telling you that he owns your pussy, that you're his little fuck doll and he's going make sure everyone knows it
And a big massive softie that's extremely sweet and lovey dovey to you. Something that was normally only happened in very small doses or when he's utterly shit faced
It's not just praise but adoring you, talking about how much he loves, you that he's lucky to have you, how he just knows you're going to make a great parent
The whiplash is real, especially since sometimes he'll change his tone half way through fucking you. It's never entirely clear what sets either side off, other than occasionally his sweet side normally happens once he's cum once or twice
Very...possessive during it all, constantly rambling about how you belong to him and he'll kill anyone that even thinks about doing this to you
You don't know how much he'll actually act on that threat, but it's probably a good thing that neither of you are able to get out much.
But frankly while he's like this he would be willingly to fuck you someplace public tbh
So. Many. Fucking. Hickeys. You're covered in them by the time it's all over.
Cool down periods he does his best for after care, but like....he's very quiet. Almost like he feels guilty, especially at the sight of all the bruises you have. Which you will have to reassure him that he didn't cross any lines and that you liked it
"you're really some kind of freak ain't cha?"
"Your freak."
Horrortale Sans ;
Primal and animalistic are the best terms to describe him while he's like this.
Before the famine heats were no big deal, now however the term "wanting to fuck like animals" has never been more accurate
Sans never told you he got them, but you learned about them via other monsters so you were prepared on some level and even a little intrigued
Once a monster sets his sight on a mate, they'll frequently hunt them or fight off any other possible suitors. And given how you and Sans like to play Prey and Hunter, this allows you take things up a notch
The moment you know he's gone into heat, you run, you hide and he comes after you. It's a hell of a thrill, especially since you know it guarantee a better pounding once he finally gets you
You shifting around in the forest, sneaking around before you hear a husky voice call out "i know you're here sweetheart-"
You attempt to book it the other direction but the only thing you can comprend is a simple phrase before you're pinned to the ground
"gotcha."
The way you're fucked is brutal, he's never been gentle really but this is something else. Your entire body quakes with his thrusts, you're screaming as his cock is jammed against your g-shot and nearly rendered to tears from it all
He bites too, not just bruising you but definitely drawing blood then lapping it up with the same feral hunger that he fucks you with
Not very talkative, mostly just growls and groans. Only occasionally barking out "mine" or a "you're not going anywhere sweetheart" if you attempt to squirm away from him
Not that you really want him to stop but the struggle turns both of you on, he likes working for it and you like driving him up the wall to be honest
You're brutally fucked outside, clothes ripped off you, covered in bloody bite marks, pussy full of his cum, on the verge of passing out until he seems to either we decide to let up or is tired himself. He'll drape his coat around your naked form then carry you back to his place
If anyone attempts to stop him they're killed on sight, this is his mate and no one gets to touch them during this time.
When you wake up there'll simply be a low growl of "told ya you weren't going anywhere" before the cycle continues.
He does halt to care for you, you're his mate after all, but again weirdly silent throughout most of it.
It'll be a while until he's more chatty again, it's best to reassure him you were into his somehow more violent and extreme side of him.
Underlust Sans ;
Literally just his entire personality dialed to his natural extreme
Also doesn't think to tell you simply because he forgets it's not a common thing and to be fair it takes you while to notice
It's not until you're ten round today that you ask if something it up as while yeah he's got serious stamina and loves to fuck normally his dick would be a little soft by now
"Babe please tell me you didn't take some monster viagra-"
It makes him laugh before he breaks it down for you but also assures you there's no shame in tapping out and that monsters down here have ways to handle this without a partner
You take it as a challenge especially as he tells you it's not a challenge
It's one you enjoy though
The shift is his personality are far more subtle, rougher, a bit more dominant, and extremely fixated on pumping you full of cum. Like extremely fixated on it.
And whether it's the heat or some other factor you're not accounting for he cums a lot more than usual. Sometimes you'll just pinned down feeling his cock gush waves of his seed for several minutes as it fills you up.
He praises you through it all, telling you how good you are for him, how you take it all so well, and reassures you when it's almost done.
Your stomach looks more than a little bloated with it glowing with all the magic he just pumped into you and he definitely has a toy blog that helps you keep all of it in there
When you need a break from getting your pussy filled, anal play and oral keep you mouth entertained. You try swallowing his massive load but you end up having plenty spill out then the rest paint your body
And Sans looks super smug after wards the entire time
Definitely likes to tease you when he can, "bet you've never been fucked this good before huh?" said playing with your overstimulated clit while your whole is still plugged with a belly full of HIS cum
Having the most control over himself and already being a king of after care you're pretty much set when you do need a break for real
But you can't help being cheeky when you two are cuddling then you feel his erection rising up again
"You having fun?"
"i dunno it's a little hard."
#underfell sans x reader#underswap sans x reader#underlust sans x reader#horrorfell sans x reader#sans x reader#x reader smut#sans x reader headcanons#smut headcanons#have fun sluts/j
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Hell? [01]
ââŁHazbin Hotel + Bat-Like Teen Reader
Want more? Check out the masterlistâ©ïž
AUTHORâS NOTE: YOOOOO SHOUT OUT TO @blueberrymuffin-6 FOR BEING THE FIRST PERSON TO GUESS THAT READER WOULD BE LIKE A BAT!!! I'm so happy someone picked up on my hints. I'm really excited to post this chapter considering how much love the first one gotđ THANK YOU GUYS SM FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT THE HAZBIN FANDOM HAS SHOWN FOR MY TEEN READER WRITINGSđ
Also I can't guarantee that there won't be triggering subjects in the future chapters!! There's nothing of that here yet and I will put warning when needed but youâll only find something this chapter if you REALLY look.
I'd love to hear from you guys your speculations as well!! Send them through my inbox or contact me in discord!! I love interacting with you guys!!
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My head hurtsâŠ
Am I lying down?
Is it raining?
Opening your eyes, you were met with a dull light to your right, everything else was dark. Rubbing your eyes, you groggily sat up.
You could see, but the light to your right was actually making it hard⊠You felt a light weight on your head and slight pain in your back. You looked down, you had⊠fur?
Taking deep breaths, you closed your eyes. You could hear everything so well. From the sound of your heart, to the rain outside.
Where am I?
How did I get here?
Considering that you couldn't remember anything, you felt strangely calm. Like a blanket was over your head and you were blocking out the world around you.
The rain was nice⊠soft blankets, a plushie? What was it...? It was dark? I had a flashlight, a book? And whatever the plushie wasâŠ
A sudden knock interrupted your thoughts. The noise caught you so off guard you physically jumped, you tried to look at the door as you heard the knob turning.
âOh! You're awake!â You heard a quick patter of footsteps coming in your direction, before a blob entered your vision- or what little vision you had anyway. You couldn't make out the shape in front of you, even with your eyes wide open. There was⊠red? Or maybe pink? You couldn't tell. Your eyes darted around, and your breathing picked up.
âHey now- You're all tense! What are you anyways?â The blog had a cheery voice, rather high-pitched. It hurt your ears. You could feel a small hand grab at your arm- rubbing the fur.
âNifty!â Another sudden noise made you jump. Your body tensing up in a panic. You couldn't hear the rain anymore even if it was so close⊠You could only hear your heart beating quickly and your uneven breathing.
Then, there were hands cupping your face, a calm, quiet voice accompanying it.
âHey, calm down.â On instinct, you took a deep breath. Were you holding your breath before? Or were you breathing too rapidly? Where were you again? Sitting up right? Wait- it's raining⊠that's right⊠it's raining.
âAre you okay?â The voice to the hands cupping your cheeks spoke again. You could barely focus your eyes enough to see more than just gray. Did the voice have a⊠wait- the voice asked me a question-
âI-I can't seeâŠâ You almost didn't recognize your own voice. It came out so quietly, hardly audible.
You could have sworn you saw the gray blob furrow their eyebrows.
âWhat's your name?â
âI don't⊠I don't know?â
The calm the voice was deemed Vaggie.
Vaggie described herself as having long grey hair, grey skin- which you initially found weird- and a pink X over her left eye.
Vaggie told you that the loud, almost squeaky voice that you first heard was Nifty. She also told you where you were and what had happened for you to be here.
You had previously run into one of their friends named⊠Angel Dust? And apparently, passed out? Then he brought you here, and⊠here is⊠I don't rememberâŠ
You do remember Vaggie telling you that there were other people here and they were made aware of your existence as well.
Vaggie was also kind enough to explain that you were in hell⊠she also took the creative liberties in describing to you what you looked like.
âWell⊠You did take on the appearance of a bat- which is normal, it's normal for people to take on animal-like appearances in hell. For instance, we have someone here who takes on deer antlers and someone who has fur like you but looks like a cat⊠But you have these ears above your head, small wing protruding from your back, and⊠foggy eyes-â
The two of you spent time making the connections. The big bat-like ears atop your head gave you really good hearing, and the wings on your back were the cause of your back pain, (and the fact that you had been lying on them) and your foggy eyes contributed to your lack of sight. You took on the appearance of a bat.
The two of you tried to answer Vaggieâs earlier question from before about your name, but to no avail. She had to force you to stop trying to figure it out when you started getting worked up. You did come to the conclusion that you were very young- at least very young to be in hell. Guessing that you were around 15 years of age. Maybe a little younger or maybe a little older, but it felt right enough.
Or maybe you guys had settled on that answer as you dozed back off. The rain hadn't let up and with all this new information to really process, Vaggie let you rest. The clock was growing near to striking morning anyways.
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Word Count: 817
A/N: I've also made the tag #voonrooâs bat-like reader for you guys to use as well if you make any posts on it!!
#gender neutral reader#x reader#no use of y/n#voonroo#gender neutral y/n#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x reader platonic#hazbin x reader platonic#hazbin hotel platonic#platonic x reader#platonic#hazbin hotel blog#hazbin x teen reader#hazbin x you#hazbin x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel x teen reader#hazbin hotel x y/n#voonrooâs bat-like reader
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a platonic writer? thats so awesome!!! for the open kny slots, would it be okay to ask for a reader & giyuu found family troupe? would be nice if reader was in their teensâȘ mainly about the dynamic and perhaps post final battle
ELUSIVE CARE. â In which the Water Hashira unwittingly attains a younger sibling.
â trigger & content warnings. none applicable.
â pairings & notes. fluff, found family. tomioka giyuu & teen!reader. reader is gender neutral (they/them pronouns used). 1.1k words.
â author's thoughts. giyuu's so silly. such a guy. very older brother coded tbh <3
⧠FIRST MEETING
giyuu, though a quiet and reserved soul that often believes himself to be inadequate, is certainly not a heartless man nor is he one who cares too little (perhaps it could even be argued that he cares too much). he wouldn't ever let someone die if there was something he could do to prevent it, and maybe it is killing a demon that first leads him to the little teenager that he will one day grow fond of, [name].
his first instinct is, of course, to reunite them with their family if they have any living relatives. if that is not an option, his next instinct is to send them off somewhere he knows they'll be safeâmaybe urokodaki needs someone to stay with him, a companion. he's always been a good caretaker even when not training a demon slayer to-be, and surely he gets lonely in his older age..? or maybe those girls at the butterfly estate would take themâshinobu's... nice enough. to young kids, that is. not him, of course, but he doesn't dare deny her kindness towards younger ones. she would probably be more than happy to take them in, or she would be pissed that he would have the audacity to ask something like that of her... but he still believes that she would do it.
ultimately, wherever he does leave them, it's almost guaranteed that he'll encounter them again. teenagers are rarely known for being obedient; as such, he would probably find them actively seeking him out at his estate. to thank him, to simply visit and stay for a while, to bring him gifts... they aren't annoying per se, but giyuu does wonder for how long he will have to endure it before their visits lessen in number.
he did save their life, so maybe he should just accept it.
and perhaps, once the final battle has passed and the greatest threat to the world has been eliminated, he will not be so opposed to having a regular guest. maybe he'll even ask them to stay.
⧠GENERAL DYNAMIC
giyuu is not known for being open and friendly. that said, i do think he would have some kind of a soft spot for a young kid who has suffered the effects of demons roaming the earth.
maybe he sees a little of himself in them. he wasn't always this way, you know? there was a time where he was softer, more open, and had a more positive outlook about the world. so maybe, just maybe, he sees some of that in the little teenager he saved from death.
his kindness shows in weird and hard to understand ways, and he would rarely make it obvious that he was checking up on them; he probably wouldn't visit often. that said, if [name] were to ask around, maybe they would hear about a recent influx of letters from a certain water hashira concerning a certain victim he recently saved.
as he grows closer to them, he would begin to buy them little trinkets. if he sees something he thinks they would like, he would totally pick it up for them and leave it by their room's door at wherever they're staying. he never signs the gifts, but it is nonetheless very clear who is buying them.
he also does what he can to ensure that they're well-cared forâcontributing to the cost of caring for them, mainly.
giyuu, to me, seems like a very attentive person. he's a type i would describe as having a quiet love languageâsomeone who does things subtly (more or less). so, while he does not verbally connect with them often, he can offer a listening ear and will always pick up on the small things.
headpats. giyuu is a headpat man. it's a fond gesture that he uses to communicate a number of thingsâ'i'm proud of you,' 'good job,' 'you're alright now,' 'i'm here for you.' it's one way he communicates nonverbally. he's not great at expressing his care with words, but there are plenty of ways such as this one that are more than sufficient without the use of any words at all.
given that his haori is made up of two halves, each from someone he deeply cared for, i think it's safe to say that he has a certain sentimentality about him. any gifts they give to him will be treasured (and if they happen to give him something he can wear without getting in the way of his job, he'll find a way to incorporate it into his uniform).
he's quite fiercely protective of them. if someone is bothering them, giyuu is more than happy to simply stand behind them and give the one annoying them a simple stare, which is more than enough to solve the issue permanently. as a hashira, the lower ranked corps members are already rather scared of him, so he doesn't really have to do much at all to deter anyone from harassing them...
on a similar note, he will put extra care and attention into killing off any demons lingering around the area that they reside in. he's failed so many people before and is not keen on doing so again.
he would very much prefer if they didn't become a demon slayer, especially after his relationship with them has developed a little more. any attempts to ask him about joining would be cut off with a short, firm 'no.' though, with enough insistence... that answer could change.
ultimately, what they do is up to them, but giyuu would prefer that they stay as far out of harm's way as possible. not every victim is meant to, nor do they have to, become a demon slayerâhe hopes they know and understand that above all else.
⧠POST-FINAL BATTLE
following the end of the final battle, giyuu would be a little more open with them in quite a few ways.
for one, he's more expressive, offering them something other than his usual stoicism every now and thenâa smile. his expression in general softens significantly in their presence once everything is over.
he also grows a little more comfortable expressing himself verbally with them. he's still not exactly... articulate when it comes to expressing his care with words, but it's the thought and effort that counts.
he would also move them into his home at that point!! since he doesn't have to be away constantly now, he feels more comfortable having them stay with him. before, if a demon had showed up to his secluded estate while he was gone, it may have very well ended poorly, had they been staying there. given that this is no longer a concern (and he's also home far more often now), he doesn't mind the company whatsoever.
post-final battle, he would also spend more time around them. it would be then that they would really get to know him. his hobbies, his interests, maybe his past. eventually.
things take time. opening up takes time... and once muzan has been defeated, there is plenty of time for them to get closer with their elusive older brother-like figure.
please consider supporting me if you enjoyed! the best ways to do so are as follows: comments, asks, reblogs, and reblogs with tags.
#â§â aphe's creations.#platonic demon slayer#platonic demon slayer x reader#platonic kimetsu no yaiba#platonic kny#platonic x reader#demon slayer x reader#kimetsu no yaiba x reader#platonic kny x reader#kny x reader#giyuu x reader#giyuu tomioka x reader#tomioka giyu x reader#tomioka giyĆ« x reader#platonic reader
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Just an intrusive thought to add to the series of random ideas that strike me throughout the dayâthis time while working out to the most chaotic playlist you can imagine.
A workout routine with Jack!
Maybe youâve suddenly found yourself dropped into another world, surrounded by traumatized and slightly unhinged students (or completely unhinged, depending on how you look at it), all while trying to survive the chaos of an insane school semester. Naturally, youâve barely had any time to care for yourself. Just maybe.
Then, during one of Professor Vargasâ motivational lecturesâpeppered with lines like âExercise is essential for self-care! Just look at me!â and âA healthy mind lives in a healthy body!ââa thought crosses your mind: âAlright, one hour of exercise a day wonât kill me⊠probably.â
To be fair, realizing you canât even chase Grim around the dorm without gasping for air and nearly collapsing was the final push you needed. Something had to changeâand fast.
The problem? You have no idea where to start. After mulling it over, you decide to drop by the athletic club. Watching others train might give you a clue (or, letâs be real, trigger some anxietyâthere are a lot of sweaty guys in short shorts, after all).
As soon as you arrive, the first familiar faces you spot are Jack and Deuce, who immediately look at you like youâve just fallen out of the sky (which, admittedly, isnât far from the truth).
After some chatting, you explain why youâre there. Jack, much to your surprise, seems more excited about your decision than you are.
And letâs be honestâgiven his physique, itâs no shock that the wolf beastman is the living embodiment of a gym rat. As you ramble about wanting to get into shape, his tail swishes back and forth, his subtle smile betraying just how thrilled he is.
â Thatâs great. If you need anything, just let me know, â he offers sincerely.
And, of course, you take him up on it. Jack is easily the most dedicated person you know when it comes to fitness, and more importantly, heâs kind enough not to expect something outrageous in return.
But itâs a terrible decision.
Not because Jack is bad at helpingâquite the opposite. Heâs an incredible instructor: patient, committed, and always willing to lend a hand. The issue is that you were expecting something easy. A casual evening stroll, maybe some jumping jacks. Nope.
Instead, Jack shows up that very weekend with a detailed workout plan, complete with an intimidating ABCD schedule (whatever that means), exercises with weird names, andâworst of allâone hour of cardio every day.
Yes, he genuinely wants you to run for an hour. Every day. Youâve seen him jogging past your window before sunrise, but you never thought youâd be dragged into it too.
To make matters worse, some of the exercises sound downright absurd.
â Bent-over barbell rows? â you ask, staring at the workout sheet like itâs written in an alien language. â Do we need to find a boat for this?
Jack chuckles softly and replies, as if itâs the most obvious thing in the world: â No, just a barbell. Iâll show you.
The first few days are brutal. By 8 PM, youâre practically falling asleep on your feet, and your muscles are so sore that walking through the hallways feels like a challenge. But oddly enough, your mornings start to feel a little more structured. Despite the physical exhaustion, Jackâs company makes everything worth it.
During your sessions, you chat about all sorts of things. He even shares tips on improving your dietâalways as gentle suggestions, never pushy.
Itâs honestly adorable. Hard to believe this is the same guy who nearly kills you with his workouts.
Of course, there are moments of pure misery. Like the time he introduced you to burpeesâan exercise that can only be described as modern-day torture. But in the end, the support and camaraderie you share with Jack turn the grueling routines into something almost⊠enjoyable. Almost.
Jack seems genuinely excited about your commitment. After all, what gym rat wouldnât want a workout buddy? But itâs more than that. He enjoys your company and takes pride in helping you improve. He even goes out of his way to ensure youâre safe and donât overdo it.
When you try to slack offâcut a set short or cheat on your formâhe sighs heavily and says firmly: â Youâre only cheating yourself, not me.
Itâs giving strict dad energy.
Yet, heâs also incredibly perceptive. When you get frustrated or demotivatedâlike the time you stopped mid-run, gasping for airâJack slows down and walks beside you, encouraging you to keep going at your own pace.
Beyond the workouts, Jack introduces small healthy habits into your daily routine. He reminds you to carry a water bottle, stretches with you before class, and even brings homemade protein bars. He insists theyâre nothing special, but youâre convinced he blushed when you complimented how good they were.
As the days pass, you start to notice small improvementsânot just in your stamina but also in how much easier your mornings feel. The group grows, too, with Epel, Sebek, and occasionally Deuce joining in. Itâs chaotic but oddly fun.
Training with Jack isnât just about getting fit. Itâs about building a deeper connection with him. Because letâs face itânothing bonds two people like suffering through a set of crunches at six in the morning, right?
Final verdict: 8/10 experience. Exercising is still a nightmare, but Jack makes it bearable.
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Roll first, think later
Thereâs a fascinating phenomenon I observe every time I play with beginners.
Of all the unwritten rules new players are expected to grasp through play, a very common one is when to interject their narrative with a dice roll. Sure, most games have a variation of âdescribe what you want to do, and then roll the dice to see how it goes,â but exactly when one should stop narrating what happens and let the dice tell part of the story is more of an art form.
I usually see beginners falling somewhere between one of two ends of the spectrum. Thereâs either:
Player: âI swing my sword at them and cut them in half, and I look around, and the princess has fallen in love with me.â GM: âWait, wait, wait. Letâs, uh⊠start with the attack roll first. How about that?â
Or:
GM: âItâs your turn.â Player: âOh.â *rolls a d20* GM: âWait, wait, wait. What are you even trying to do?â
It usually takes a few rolls (or a few sessions), but once we grasp that timing, it becomes so second nature that any game that subverts that norm feels⊠weird.Â
Well, it just so happens that I love weird.
âI punch them and knock them out.â Photo by Johann Walter Bantz on Unsplash
The misfortunes of fortune
When I say ânormâ above, Iâm oversimplifying. Different games have different moments when youâre expected to stop and roll the dice. Even within the same game, different types of action might call for different timing in rolls.Â
This "dice roll placement" is what is normally referred to as fortune positioning, and if you search online for âfortune in the middleâ, for example, youâll find⊠well, contradicting definitions. But thatâs beside the point. Whatâs important is that fortune positioning determines at which point in the trajectory from declaration of intent and narrated outcome we stop to check the dice (or any form of resolution mechanic, really).Â
Traditionally, players learn when and how to do it by experienceâobserving their friends, absorbing table culture, and getting it wrong a few times until they get a feel for it.Â
For some actions, it is easier to tell the right moment. If you are using a specific ability, thereâs usually a well-defined order in which things happen. You say, âIâm going to activate my Soul Blastâ or whatever, and we go, âOK, roll, and then we see what happens.âÂ
Things get murkier when thereâs no hard-coded procedures, like social situations in trad games. You perform that incredible speech but roll poorlyânow what? Do we undo what you just said? Do we make some mental gymnastics to justify why it didnât land? Should you have gotten a bonus because of your roleplay? But if your character is not very charismatic in the first place, should they have even been able to articulate such a compelling argument? Endless discussions over this topic alone have filled forums for the past decades.Â
Even when games have a much clearer instruction about fortune positioningâlike PbtA games, which literally have a trigger for every moveâit is still an acquired skill to understand when to shut your mouth and say, âWell, I guess we have to roll now, right?â.Â
âWell, I guess I actually insulted the king instead.â Photo by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash
Fortune at the extremes
Thereâs no one solution for that situation, because, at least for me, it is not a problem to begin with. I see it instead as a fertile ground for experimentation.Â
Iâve tried different approaches for fortune positioning with my games, and I especially like to push the needle beyond whatâs usually considered the far ends of the spectrum. Let me explain what I mean.
See, when people describe âfortune at the endâ, it usually implies that you describe everything that your character is able to do to affect the outcome, then you roll the dice, and then narrate the result. But what if you narrated even the outcome before you rolled the dice?
Thatâs what I did in Insurgent. The game says:
Regardless of your result, everything you describe happens exactly how you describe it. The roll of the dice determines the fallout of your action.
See, the dice donât determine whether you succeed in your intended action. Instead, you describe the whole action beforehand, including its result. The dice inform the consequences of your action. A âfortune at the very endâ kind of roll, perhaps?
At the other end of the spectrum, we have âfortune at the beginning,â which is usually described as rolling right after a declaration of intent and approach, using the dice result to inform what and how it happens. But⊠canât we go even further back? What if we rolled before we decided what to do?
Fortune at point zero
That example at the beginningâthe player enthusiastically reaching for the dice and rolling even before clarifying their intentionâalways stuck with me. What if we didnât try to stop it, but instead leaned into it as the intended behavior?
For that to work, I figured that the system would have to follow these criteria:
All rolls in the game should be the same.
A roll is expected to be made at every turn.
There should be meaningful choices after the roll is made.
I finally managed to pull it off in my latest release, Load the Simulation. Let me show you how I followed these criteria and why I believe it works.Â
At the top of your turn, before you even think about your action, you grab 3d6 and roll them. Itâs always 3d6, and there are no modifiers. If you had attributes, skills or actions that indicated different modifiers (like d20 systems), dice pools (as in Blades in the Dark), dice sizes (as in Savage Worlds), or dice pools and sizes (like in Cortex Prime), that wouldnât work. Youâd at least need to declare your approach before rolling. I didnât want that, so all rolls are the same (meeting the first criterion).Â
These rolls happen during the training exerciseâyour character is on a centuries-long mission to prepare exoplanets for colonization, and youâre going through training simulations (think The Matrix, X-Men or Star Trek). Since every turn represents an attempt to progress toward your mission objective, a roll is always required (meeting the second criterion). In a more open-ended scenario, that assumption wouldnât necessarily apply.
Each die represents something different:
âąÂ The YOU die â Your characterâs effort.
âąÂ The FOE die â The opposition.
âąÂ The ECO die â The environment.
You roll them together and arrange the results in a vertical line on the table, from highest to lowestâ the Stack. The die with the highest roll determines the dominant force in the scene. If the YOU die is not the highest, youâll take Conditions. You have to choose whether to affect:
Your body (Harm) â Bruises, burns, or worse.
Your mind (Stress) â The slow wear of fear and pressure.
Your relationships (Friction) â Putting crewmates in danger, failing to have their back, or blaming them for your mistakes.
You can also choose to break one of your modules to avoid a condition, or use them in the scene to break a tie. So thereâs this short mini-game you play after you roll to determine the mechanical implications of your roll (the third criterion).Â
With all the mechanical bits resolved, youâre left with a scene to paint. The roll generated a lot of input, and you can create a rich narrative that wonât later be contradicted by a dice roll.Â
Say the ECO die is higher, and you marked Friction. How does the environment take central stage, and how does that affect your bonds with your crewmates? Perhaps a tremor opens a giant crack in the ground, you grab your friend by the arm to keep balance, but end up sending them tumbling down near the edge of the cliff. That is⊠so much fun!
You get to look at the dice as a fortune-teller reading runes, and extract juicy, colorful fiction from the results. You decide if youâre in a more active position, taking the lead and making progress, or in a more reactive one, trying to resist this alien world that is trying to crush you.Â
See, it is not that you are abdicating control over what your character does by rolling before deciding. You still have total freedom of choice, but youâre informed of the outcome beforehand, so you get to frame that snippet of a scene, including actions and reactions, in a vivid way that incorporates everything you accomplished and everything you suffered in the process. And I think thatâs neat.Â
Thereâs more nuance to it (each combination of dice position has different mechanical ramifications), but thatâs the gist of it. Iâm certainly not the first person to think of the roll first, think later approach to resolution mechanics, but I am really excited about how I managed to implement it in Load the Simulation.Â
If you want to learn more about this game of high-octane training simulations and intense interpersonal conflict, the crowdfunding campaing started yesterday and I'd love your support.
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AU called Yandere Society where basically itâs a world where our definition of normal love like bringing roses and being romantic and junk like that is seen as weird while things like murder, stalking, and creepy love notes are seen as the norm
Murder and a lot of crimes are legal in this world under specific circumstances like âDid you kill your darling? Jailâ âDid you kill that man who was staring too long at your darling? Understandable, youâre innocentâ. There probably is a better way to describe it but for now, I feel that works the best. Oh yeah! Also sex in public is legal as long as there are no minors around
There are also these people called Abnormals who find Yandere Love to be repulsive and creepy despite it being the societal norm, Abnormals only want to experience the type of normalized love from our world and are in constant danger as if theyâre discovered then they get hit with a slew of things like âYou canât have these types of jobsâ or âMandated therapyâ plus they tend to get harassed a lot and oddly seem to attract Yandereâs quite a lot
Abnormals can actually be âcuredâ though as if you give them enough therapy or even manage to pair them with just the right person, theyâll either develop Stockholm Syndrome or become a Yandere themselves
I NEED MORE !!! Iâm already interested in this au , I wonder how will yandere strawhats react that there darling is a abnormal đđ€đ
please if your not busy đ
So flower friend, I actually am working on something like that at the moment. I currently have three of the Straw Hats done for it and Iâm going to include Jinbei with it as well but not Chopper as heâs baby and underage
Itâs not going to be done for a long time though as Iâm working hard on it and Yandere Society can be hard for me to write at times especially if Iâm having problems getting motivated
In the meantime, allow me to explain some things about the Yandere Society a bit better than I did last timeâŠ
!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT-!
!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!
Murder, Crime, Violence, Implied Blood and Gore, Abuse Mention, Harassment, Potential Similarities to Homophobia (?), Public Sex, Noncon
!-POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNINGS-!
!-MINORS DO NOT INTERACT-!
So as I said a lot of crimes in Yandere Society are perfectly legal under certain circumstances like you can kill someone but unless you had a âgoodâ reason for doing so then youâre going to jail
Like the following things are innocent crimes in the eyes of the law in Yandere Society
A Yandere killed someone who was actively trying to harm their relationship with their Darling like seducing and trying to get them to cheat, itâs also innocent if the victim was trying to help the Darling escape their Yandere unless the Yandere was actively putting the Darlings life in danger
A Yandere killed someone who hurt their Darling, the Yandere will also be seen as innocent if they helped another Yandere kill someone that hurt their Darling or if the Yandere was saving the Darling from an abusive situation by killing the Abused Darlingâs Yandere
I feel like thatâs a good example and I hope it was easy to follow now here are examples of some of the things that will get you locked up in Yandere Society
So if a Yandere kills their Darling whether their S/O was a Yandere or Abnormal, that will get the guilty Yandere locked up tight and cause them to never see the light of day again, the only exception to this is if the Guilty Yandere had no other choice or it was an accident
If the Yandere goes on to kill everyone in their Darlingâs life like friends and family, thatâs seen as ridiculous in the eyes of the law in Yandere Society as most people are Yandereâs too and would approve of the relationship, the only exception to this is if it were to protect their Darling
I hope that these were good examples and that they were easy to follow
As for Abnormals, Abnormals arenât allowed to do a lot of things as I said and itâs by law mandated that they have to attend therapy in order to turn them into Yandereâs like everyone else and this therapy isnât too bad as itâs just sitting down and having a conversation like thereâs no electroshock or anything like that, maybe a few exercises but nothing too intense
Abnormals typically hide the fact that theyâre Abnormals as they donât want anyone to find out as if they do, thereâs that mandated therapy thing but they also get a ton of restrictions like they canât have certain jobs
If you are a known Abnormal in Yandere Society, you are not allowed to be the following. Teacher of Any Kind, Any Sort of Government Job, Any Sort of Job involving Mental Health. Also you canât attend college but Abnormals have been known to sneak in and attend
The harassment that an Abnormal can face is usually based on Yandereâs stalking them and being after them as they attract Yandereâs more easily than other Yandereâs do but itâs also from the government as well as youâre likely to get way more mail to encourage you to just accept a Yandere into your life or become one
But this will all change the second that an Abnormal either develops Stockholm Syndrome for a Yandere or becomes a Yandere themselves
Also Two Abnormals are not allowed to be in a relationship, if they wish to do so then they will need to hide it from the public as itâs illegal like I donât think youâll straight up be sent to prison over it but you will be forcefully separated
As for how someone can tell if someone is a Yandere, typically these Yandere tendencies make themselves known in early childhood and it can be tested by trying to take their toys or watching how they interact with friends but the best way is to have them take a test which depending on how they did can tell you if theyâre a Yandere or an Abnormal
There are late bloomers in Yandere Society who donât show any Yandere Tendencies until theyâre older but the test can distinct between a full Abnormal or a Late Bloomer
Thereâs also this thing that me and a friend came up with called Yvette Newgate Syndorme and itâs where someone has experienced something or a string of events that led to them not being able to process their Yandere feelings properly and it leads to things like this
âHey, do you like this thing?â âYesâ âDo you want this thing?â âYesâ âOk then take itâ âNevermindâ âOk then Iâm taking itâ âNo, give it to me⊠Itâs mine and you canât have itâŠâ âOk, hereâ âNevermindâ
There is therapy for it but so far, it hasnât really been successful like itâs helped but thereâs been no real breakthroughs like there have been for Abnormals
Also for the sex in public thing, thatâs perfectly acceptable and seen as completely legal like no one bats an eye if they see people having sex in public
No one even gives too much of a shit if itâs a Yandere with an Abnormal unless the Abnormal belongs to a different Yandere as if thatâs the case then people are stepping in and law enforcement will be called
Besides that, itâs very illegal if its done where minors can see you as well
As for other things, itâs actually not uncommon for someone to just be sitting in on a business call with a bunch of other people meanwhile theyâre being ruthlessly fucked by their partner like theyâre naked with private parts potentially on full display and no one bats an eye
Just remember to mute your microphone as itâs seen as very rude to not do so and if youâre asked a question then youâre allowed to unmute to answer it probably while moaning but afterwards you have to mute again
Plus if youâre being fucked in a video call then it might encourage other people to start getting it on with their partners and will potentially weed out the Abnormals in the workplace as theyâll be the only ones who look uncomfortable with it
Anyways I think thatâs all! Iâll attempt to put out the Yandere Straw Hat thing soon but no promises! Have a good day and I hope that I was able to explain things well!
#the rain talks back#minors dni#yandere#yandere one piece#reader insert#read the trigger warnings#minor dni#Yandere Society AU#yandere smut#đș
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avoidance is so weird because itâs so temptingly easy to pretend itâs not there when itâs not at its absolute worst.
when iâm at my lowest, my avoidance becomes volatile and dangerous â it means almost daily mental breakdowns, it means probably wanting to hurt myself or worse, itâs means things are bad bad. but times like now? where iâm in a better place and i donât have to interact with people often enough to trigger it too badly? itâs easy to pretend iâm fine.
and thatâs not because i donât have symptoms â thereâs a big glaring reason i donât have a job yet, that i stay in the house pretty much every day and (aside from the family i live with) only ever see my safe person, that thereâs a million important doctor calls i havenât made yet, that i have my name change papers all ready to go but havenât changed any of my documents yet. the avoidance is obviously still there and still causing problems, and i know my life doesnât look how it should.
but because itâs not destroying my default mental state right now, it feels like iâm lying to myself and iâm totally mentally healthy and i have nothing to worry about. and when i see my therapist, the way i describe things sounds like thereâs nothing going wrong in my life because thereâs no active bad shit, just a lot of things that arenât happening. and how do you quantify the absence of something?
how do i explain that the problem isnât that iâm unhappy, itâs not that thereâs bad things to fix, itâs just that most of the time, thereâs nothing at all? that iâm mostly happy because i donât have much of a life right now, and if i were to get my life to a better place from a practical standpoint i would almost definitely be thrown back into a worse mental state?
iâm trying to find a balance that allows me to have a decent life and decent mental health, but god, itâs hard to do when it would be so much easier and less exhausting to just stay stagnant forever and hold onto the relative peace that comes with that.
#tbh the only thing stopping me from staying like this forever#is 1) i hate not having money to get little serotonin trinkets with and 2) i Cannot keep living with my parents long term#also yes hello im not dead and neither is this blog#poss.speaks#avpd#actually avpd#actually avoidant#avoidant pd#avoidant personality disorder#cluster c
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#spoileralert!
Just rereaded chapter 248 of World Trigger again because there was no update this month and I came to a new realization about Osamu.
It was Hyuse's "...Osamu and his ilk are almost too unique" and Mikumo's "Think up a bunch of cheese tactcs to annoy the enemy into submission!" when they were explaining why RokurĆ could be a good instructor in the future.
In the last time I only focused on the RokurĆ's strength, Hyuse's explanation because I have been wondering that question too! But this time this sentence hit me hard as I realized Osamu has come a long way to this day. And the captain of number #2 B-rank squad is not just an ordinary person.
From the start of the anime, Mikumo was sort of an annoying character who was weak with a hero complex. If it were Kuga, who had the strength, wanted to save people, it might be a more lovable character design. But in an action series, being weak CAN BE considered as A CRIME. It's not hard to find those old comments about how frustrated they felt when watching Osamu.
My point is, my first impression of Osamu is only slightly better than those comments, but that because I was recommended strongly by my friend and not because I thought Osamu would have one of the best development. I actually quite like Osamu at the beginning too, because I'm weak for hero-type character.
But now thinking back, Osamu is a weird one at the beginning. He didn't save people because he thought they need saving, but more because he thought that something he should do. Other than that, he seems like all the typical hero characters with his selflessness and humble nature.
But in the Aftokrator Arcs? That's when I knew I was wrong about my assumptions. Apart from how crazy his action was, y'know risking his life to protect a FAKE cube, to achieve his goal of saving Chika. This is another worm I would love to dwell in on another post. I was shell-shocked to know Osamu had tried to break in the Border with pliers because he didn't satisfy with hia result. FOR WHAT? What are you even gonna do? Negotiating with the higher-ups?
There are actually many theories about what Osamu did, because as we all know, he DID become a member. But that's aside, I had the secondhand embarrassment when I watched what he did on the press conference. All of this is NOT what I expected about Osamu!!! It's exactly like a comment I saw on YT "He knew the rules, it's just to him his rules are first". And while it's completely far from I expected, somehow I didn't feel a single bit out of character, that's just the author's talent.
And in the Rank War Arcs, Osamu did bring his role as a strategy character to a new high-level if you thought about what their team had achieved. Even though Tamakoma-2 was nothing like a typical newbie squad, but still Osamu's effort is nothing to sneeze at. But do you know what's even better? That's us, the readers, normally don't feel like Osamu is that extraordinary or a super talented individual.
Until Hyuse pointed out how not everyone could repeat Osamu's actions, I always believed Osamu is a character who can be considered as normal type, except he also has good tactic-thinking. I mean, woah, completely caught me off. It was because the author had described Osamu's thinking process in detailed, there were no sudden buff-up training arcs, only hard work and determination, no friendship power, except you count Osamu's motivation.
And considering how Osamu had no exceptional background, his development is more impressive. He came from a weak character who would receive more critics than praises, to an outstanding character. He's not an overpowered opponent but the type if you left him alone, he would cause serious damage to your team.
Now the closed-environment phrase in manga Osamu is cooking hard, showing what he had learned in their squad's resuls. And better yet, his tricks always strive as a one-time trick, or even something anyone can come up with. But there is Hyuse, or rather the author, confirm that's no. Not everyone could continuously come up with effective strategies like Osamu. That was his own fighting way. And the developing process was so convincing that I, myself, didn't realize how far he had gone.
That's my thoughts from exactly a manga panels lol.
#world trigger#world trigger anime#osamu mikumo#ăŻăŒăăȘ#ăŻăŒă«ăăăȘăŹăŒ#character analysis
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So I had an idee for a cute Eddie x reader ff, and I had to write it, so I'm sorry the requests haven't really been doing it for me. But I promise I'll do my best to write and post those next⥠I just really, really needed to write this. This will also be a series in the future. Less likely to be spicy I think I'll keep this one wholesome đŠŠ
Reader is described as feminine. But if you want just imagine something different, like different clothes etc. Ummm basically strangers to friends to enemies to friends.
Y/n used a few times and will be used in the next parts as well.
More to come. There's some slight angst but mostly it's quite cute. Also some inappropriate thinking and actions of side characters. But nothing to triggering.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d264268b85096d218d54578359612815/13654c876e466b89-cd/s540x810/6db5a5b8d18e05fc45e507d53a7fc55392b20afb.jpg)
Lab Partners.
Experiment: crush or love?
Coming to Hawkins was weird.
You weren't only a very unique person, but your style differed from most people.
Not only that, you weren't a rude person, not a popular girl or smth like that.
Both nice or rude when you thought was fitting, first approach was always nice and gentle. If someone didn't deserve it you made all hell break lose.
Walking into high school was weird.
Glances from the shadows, the quiet kids hoping you'd be taking their place as a punching bag.
Jocks and other group of guys, showing zero shame checking you out.
Wearing a low waist pair of jeans, a slightly cropped, long sleeve shirt. Your hair styled the way you enjoyed. Not the type to go for those trends like the perm.
Walking past a group of metal heads who punched eachothers arms when you smilled gently. Typical honestly. Cute but basic.
Making your way to the head teachers office, who by the way, was a friend of your parents, much to your dismay cause he'd give you 'special attention' for the next year.
Huffing in exhaustion when you left his office with your schedule, locker number and all the shit you needed to survive around here.
"Old freak.." you mumbled as you looked for your locker.
Lost. Honestly so lost. How could a locker be so hard to find? Yeah well apparently these lockers had no numbers on them.
"Greattt" you say staring at the lockers on the wall.
"Where the hell is number 69....seriously he gave me 69? Out of all the lockers he gives me the one locker that will give me more unwanted attention?" You grumble as you walk down the hall, decided to leave the locker for later and to try to find your first class. Fucking science...
A groan left you when you walked straight into the wrong hallway.
"Oh come on!" You loudly exclaim turning to walk the other way to come face to face with some curly headed guy. Shit was he hot?
"Uhm....you new huh?" He asked. Did his voice have a rasp?
"Uh yeah can't find science class....or my locker..or the girls toilets to escape through the window." You say. Soon feeling embarrassed about the words you let out. You could've flirted but noooo.
"Mh well I'm headed for science....maybe I can help you with the locker problem..but the girls- well the toilets Don't got windows..so your great escape won't happen" he said playing with a strand of hair, his arms slightly folded over his chest as he stared and started to tug at his bottom lip after dropping the hair....gosh..
"Thanks" you say as he walks ahead. You follow silently. Seriously you couldn't get the guts you usually had to ask him questions? Not even his name.
You sigh as you step into the class he found a seat as did you, seated at the free tables. Next to you was an empty chair. Which would probably stay empty.
You could hear the whispers and whistles when you sat down. The teacher came in, a women. Cool.
"Hello Class I'm Miss Newcas. I'm your science teacher for the year. First I'd like to ask you all to find a lab partner for today's lesson!"
Great, great fucking great. You probably won't find a lab mate. All people started to bustle around. You thought no one would wanna sit with you the way they seemed to do with the cute guy...but the jocks started to shove eachother trying to get the seat next to you. Right. See how easy the new girl is and who gets her first. Great.
At that thought you grab your bag and books and make your way to the curly heads table, casually sitting down next to him the entire class falling silent.
You could feel him stare at you as you placed your books down, zipping your bag up to grab your pencil case.
You sat back up straight, turning to him finally smiling brightly.
"Ohh right the names Y/n" with a gentle smile and a little tug of hair behind your ear he introduced himself back faintly and quietly.
"Eddie.."
"Mh nice to get to be your lab partner today Eddie"
A few hushed whispers about how being around him would be your doom reached your ears but you didn't care.
Miss Newcas was busy writing something down.
"Okay, so I know some of you didn't get to partner with who you wanted to. And I lied. Your Lab mate will stay your lab mate for the rest of the year. And before you try to change seats or something I'll have you know I wrote down your names and who you're seated with..oh new girl I need your name."
She said gently, she was sweet but you just knew she could be a pain. Or so, the rest of the students here,felt that way about her.
"It's Y/n" you almost grew anxious when a guy moaned your name. Obviously the people here, well the boys, were the same as in every school.
"Okay. Nice to meet you! I hope you find yourself to enjoy coming to school here."
"Thanks." Not wanting to engage to much with her knowing it would make you the teachers pet right away. First day, no need for that.
When Miss Newcas vanished for a second you felt a gentle nudge from your lab mate.
"You really shouldn't be my lab Partner..trust me, no good comes from it"
"Why?"
"I'm not called Eddie the freak for nothing."
"Ohhh so people like to pick on you? Okay so what does that have to do with me wanting to be your lab partner? You've been nice to me right away."
"That's not-"
"Hey Y/n!" One of the jocks called from the back.
"If you want a good time The Freak ain't the one to go to!" You smiled sweetly at him as you turn to look at the guy.
"Oh yeah? I'm already having a better time talking to him than I do with you after just one sentence. I feel rather disgusted by your voice!" You say all cheery which gains a lot of surprised gasps and also some giggles from the rest of the class. It wasn't usual for someone to stand up or straight up reject and humble one of the popular people.
"Frankly 'the freak' turns out to be nicer than you even though I only talked so little to him.
I suppose you really are who you hang out with"
With that you turn back to Eddie, about to ask him more about him but a metal plate with a frog is placed infront of you. Which makes you tense..you thought this shit was only for the younger kids to do?
"So today you'll be dissecting a frog and then you and your lab partner will write down the words on the lines. Like where's the heart and all. We're gonna do this so I see what level you're on."
You take a deep breath as you started to bounce your right leg. Nervous, the teacher started to hand out the scalpels. One per table..and she gave it to you.
"The person I handed the scalpel to has to be the one to open the frog. The other one then gets to find the organs and say where each is. The one who cut the frog will write down the words on the lines. "
Your hand tremble as you looked at the frog, you're not made for this shit! You didn't care about gore in movies..but this shit. Nuh uh.
"You okay?" Eddie asked gently looking at you playing with the pick around his neck.
"Yeah..just this goes against what I believe in-"
"What?"
"I'm sorry that was a lie I'm just..I can't do this"
You could hear the teacher say the directions on how to place the scalpel and how deep to cut. Also told a lot of students to use the gloves that she handed out for a reason.
You placed the scalpel down grabbing the gloves and pulling them on. Stretching your fingers before picking up the blade again. Breathing coming to a stop as you held it over the frog.
"I can't...fuck.."
You flinch when his right hand wraps itself around yours. Your head whips to look at Eddie who gently looks at you.
"Close your eyes..keep them closed till I tell you to open them" usually you found it hard to trust but for some reason, you trusted this stranger. You imidiatly closed your eyes, turning your head slightly. A jolt of disgust coursing through you when you felt the skin first create a feeling of a certain resistance making it awfully aware that the blade was pushing into skin, a surface keeping it away from the guts before it suddenly penetrated the frog. Pushing in and slicing down. Shit was it off putting.
"Okay" he gently said letting go of your hand when he placed it back on the table.
You drop the scalpel onto the plate, taking off the gloves, wiping the sweat on your jeans before you grab the pencil and just stare at the paper.
"Okay so um, line one is the lungs..line two the heart" scribbling down what he said not even glancing at the frog. Glad Eddie didn't mind it. He even went and covered the frog with paper towels after the paper had all the required words on the right lines.
Surprised to know that all the words found the right lines. I mean no offense you expected him not to get them all right.
When the bell finally rang you grabbed your stuff, Eddie waited.
"You don't need to wait for me"
"Need to show you your locker sweets"
"Right!"
Sweets...the hell did that make you feel your heart throb. Surely, he was attractive but you wouldn't start crushing..right?
He leads you to your locker after the snort he let out when you gave him the number.
Which had you call him childish. But really it made it a bit more bearable to be new here. A first friend, on the first day.
Just as he was bout to 'leave you to it' you couldn't help yourself.
"Hey um..would you like to go see a movie this weekend? Like uh as a thanks for whatever that was"
"Oh, nah don't worry you don't got to thank me"
Ouch, you felt your smile drop slightly, this felt a lot like imidiate rejection.
"Oh okay..well I'll see you around then" smiling a little brighter again before turning to head to English class. You were just grateful he explained how to find your way around school. You couldn't possibly manage the awkward silence of him leading you to class after he shut you down.
When Eddie realized how that must have sounded like he turned to call after you but you had already vanished down the hall.
"Way to screw things over with a cute girl.." he mumbled before finding his own class.
The rest of the day was fine. Turns out both you and Eddie had history together as well as ethics. Which was nice. Also a bit weird because you tried to avoid him which made those classes a bit uncomfortable.
Let's just say you got to know new people, you befriended a girl named Chrissy, who first you were scared might be mean given she's a cheerleader. But you found yourself to be wrong after she stood up for you to one of the other cheerleaders.
One thing leed to another. Here you were conversing with the popular kids. Hanging with Chrissy and her boyfriend and friends in lunch, totally not fitting in but also quiet at peace at the table with them.
Well before Eddie said something over the entire cafeteria that stuck to you.
"Or the popular guys, betting who gets to screw the new girl first!"
You didn't expect that from him..I mean yeah you kinda ignored him outside of classes and found a new crowd..but that really hurt.
The moment those words echoed over the cafeteria you tensed, Jason screamed back telling him to fuck off. But you just got up and walked out of the cafeteria, Chrissy called after you but you really couldn't care right now.
The week finally ended and the weekend started, Chrissy called you up asking you to come to the mall with her which you gladly accepted. You needed some therapy shopping.
Surprised when she told you she didn't want to go with any of her other friends because they seemed judging even around her. The entire 8 hours the both of you spent laughing and whispering about boys,went by fast. She learned you thought Eddie was cute, but that you grew sad when he called that thing the other day.
Which turns out she was also surprised by saying that wasn't his style.
The day ended with the both of you getting ice cream before she dropped you off at home. Now another day till Monday.
Till science class..till Eddie Munson.
Trying to push away the feeling of betrayal as you wash the new clothes. And put away the new cds.
You ended up doing your homework, your window open as Mötley CrĂŒe blasted through your room. (As you noticed. I like this band lmao, so now, you do too)
You hung up the new clothes to dry a few hours later. Grabbing the new, red dress that was thigh long, and had an extra layer of mesh on top that had light lacy like details. It was pretty. It also looked great on you, Chrissy loudly swooned when you left the changing room to show it to her. Honestly it made you blush. You weren't particularly used to supportive friends.
You found sleep harder than usual. When the morning showed through your blinds you found yourself wanting to call Chrissy and to hang out. But you also didn't want to seem clingy so you set your phone back down. Hours later she actually called first asking to get some cafe cause she had a bad fight with her mother.
You obviously didn't say no, so now you both sat in a cute and cozy Café talking about what happened. Chrissy kept apologizing for bothering you but you insisted you were happy she trusted you with it.
When you returned home from the hours of talking and the last conversation about you both not knowing what to wear to school which resulted in her insisting for you to wear your new dress and that she'd wear the green one that she got.
Not really matching but she wanted you to shine when you encountered Eddie in class tomorrow. Just for the reason of 'showing him you didn't care'.
Monday came way faster, the night you basically passed out after drinking lavender tea.
So the morning showed up to make you anxious. Mostly because you didn't want him to think you dropped him for the popular kids. But then again you were to proud and hurt to talk to him. And you probably wouldn't talk to him in class too.
You got ready and slipped on the dress adding some fitting sneakers to it to keep it from looking to chic.
The bus ride to school was alright, less students than usual, your headphones on as the sun burned against your skin already.
Today would be warm.
When you made it to your locker, pushing past the crowd. Which seemed to have gotten more since last week.
Ignoring the way some boys barked compliments after you as you headed to science. You honestly wanted only one guys compliments..and it made you feel more pathetic that you still cared what he thought. Well he made it clear what he thought. So when you made it to class. Walking through the door to see the table empty you let out the air that got stuck in your chest. Sitting down grabbing your pencil, doodling in your text book before you heard someone stumble into the chair next to you, glancing over he stood next to you awkwardly holding the chair keeping it from crashing onto the ground. You roll your eyes, mostly unwillingly before you turn your head away. Staring out the window, twirling your pen in your fingers, you could feel him stare and hear him clear his throat, you also hear him sigh when he didn't get your attention.
Eddie felt bad for what he barked over the cafeteria, at the same time he was to proud to apologize. He also felt like he got replaced by the other people way to fast.
He didn't know you actually looked forward to science till he did that.
Miss Newcas walked in pushing the projector before she looked over the class. She noticed the 'weird behavior' between the two of you and she honestly didn't know why she felt upset. You seemed to be a good influence on Eddie, she didn't remember the last time he actually cared about his lab partner. So she decided to chance the entire lesson.
"Okay so...today you'll get to know your lab mate. It seems some people here don't seem to fond of eachother. Maybe that'll change when you get to know one another and see the other as more human. I want you to write 10 likes and dislikes on a paper. I'll check if you did it. Then I want you to keep the paper for the rest of the year so you and your lab mate actually get along for the time."
Seriously? Today of all days? The sigh you released ended up louder and sounding more annoyed than you had planed. You shifted in your seat looking at him to see him already staring at you. Tapping his pen against the sheet of paper he seemed to think.
"You ask me first" is all you say before he sits up straighter. Starting to ask you stuff like your favorite color. Hobbies etc.
He felt more than happy hearing you enjoyed Mötley CrĂŒes music, he started to believe maybe he could fix this.
Before it was your turn to ask questions.
You asked him 9 questions. The same he asked you. It was going well or so he thought because the last question you asked left him in slight disbelief.
"Do you usually humiliate people you don't know infront of the entire school? Oh wait let me word it differently. Do you enjoy humiliating people you don't know infront of the entire school, and do you enjoy hurting their feelings with that?"
Let's say you grew tired of the bullshit. And the petty side of you might have gotten the upper hand there. But honestly? He didn't deserve better.
"No....I don't.. listen Y/n-"
"Done. No more questions, stop talking to me." Is all you hiss back slamming your pen down before turning back to look out the window.
He really screwed up. But you chose them over him? So what gave you the right to be upset about this? Okay well he knew he over did it with that comment but he didn't know better. Eddie felt hurt, he thought you'd end up good friends...maybe more. Just for you to talk less to him in class and more with your new friends. You both already didn't talk a lot outside of that one science class last week, the rest of the week were small conversations and awkward word exchanges. First you sat alone in the cafeteria, Eddie was going to ask you to sit with them but the next day after you and Chrissy talked in history he found you at the popular table. Abandoned is what he felt like, like you didn't care and replaced him so easily. Not sure why he wanted to be mean to you, he liked you more than he liked to admit and you leaving the cafeteria the way you did after he called that out. The guilt he felt then, he never felt before. He never cared about calling people out, but he also knew that was way to uncalled for.
When the bell rang you grabbed your things and were about to leave, the both of you ended up being the last ones to leave.
"Y/n please just hear me out!"
Trying to walk past him before he gently grabbed you by the waist pulling you back, pushing you to sit down in a seat that was right behind you.
"God please stop ignoring me...I get it okay! I never should have said that...just I was upset you replaced me"
You scoff, you planed to forgive him if he said sorry but he didn't manage to do that.
"Oh so you humiliated me because you felt replaced? How childish is that! What kind of excuse is that?! You could've talked to me about it but decided to make me look like an idiot and not only that you made my new friends look like bad people-"
"Because they are!" He says, his voice slightly raised as he sounded more upset.
"It's not your problem if they make a bet on who fucks me first! IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM IF I LET ONE OF THEN WIN OR NOT, TOO"
You never planed to let one of those guys hook up with you, but you felt hurt and upset and it also seemed like it would punish him if you actually did let one of them get you under the sheets.
The surprise gasp you let out when he trapped you between the table and his body sounded more like a strangled whine. He glared down at you and you could feel your breath catch in your throat. The twinkle in your eyes as you looked up at him, the way your eyes searched his face. He felt the way his heart picked up in speed. He felt the way he wanted to kiss you, let you see why he felt upset about the thought that one of those assholes actually got to you.
"Don't say shit like that....listen what I called across the cafeteria, they do that. They do that do all the new girls...I was trying to look out for you..okay I might have done it the wrong way...but I promise I didn't mean to hurt you with it"
"Oh yeah?" The mock in your voice felt more like a slap to his cheek then a nudge.
"So instead of telling me to be careful alone you had to bark it out to the entire school? You know that doesn't make them look bad but it makes me look like I'm easy"
"I didn't mean to-"
"Well you did thou!"
You almost found it attractive when he sighed and pushed his hair out of his face. Eyebrows knitted slightly before he closed his eyes taking a deep breath in.
Your eyes fell to his lips before he opened his eyes again. He was going to speak up before he saw the way you stared down. Not at his eyes but his lips. He licked them, he didn't want to, it just happened. It felt like his instincts took over.
"Im sorry okay? I never wanted you to feel that way, honest!"
Sighing, pushing away your thought's your eyes found his again, his looked different that before. Still the same but still slightly different.
"I didn't replace you. I was looking forward to science class till you did that.."
"Right....I screwed it"
"You did"
Awkward silence filled the whole classroom and ended up with him pulling away standing infront of you.
"So like...are we good?" You almost giggled at the way he looked like a small puppy.
"Yeah I suppose. Unless you pull that shit again!"
"I won't. I promise"
"Right can I get your number?" He asked after a few seconds. Which made you feel butterflies flutter.
"Why? You wanna call me when you miss my voice?" You planed to tease him but when he flirted back it slammed a deep blush across your face.
"Who knows. Maybe I'll need to hear your voice when I'm feeling especially frustrated and pent up"
"I-"
You huff grabbing a pen and rip a piece of paper off your textbook writing your number down pushing it against his chest before rushing out the classroom.
The rest of the day had you more than embarrassed, you told Chrissy in maths what had happened. And before lunch he stood behind you while you put your things away. Scaring you when you turned around to see him right there.
"Jeez Eddie! Scared me half to death!"
"Sorry, sorry....um do you want to sit with me and my friends in lunch?"
"Oh yeah but I should let Chrissy know I won't eat with her today.."
"Right..."
"Hey I promise I'll sit with you okay?"
He just nodded.
"Catch you in the cafeteria then?"
"Yeah see you there."
You basically sprint down the hallway to Chrissys locker, her telling Jason to head off first when she saw you.
"He asked me to sit at his table"
"Well you have to!"
"I know. But what if his friends don't like me? Or like if they judge me and think I'm just a popular girl looking for nothing but popularity or that I'm fake?"
"You're the least fake person I know. And I know a lot of people, you're so sincere. They'll see it too."
"Okay..yeah"
"Go get em!"
You hug her before you walk to the cafeteria. In the cafeteria line you see Eddie at his table already the entire table seemed full. Where would you sit?
You take the food from the women before you head to the table standing next to Eddie as he looks up at you smiling brightly. His gaze drifting to Mike and Dustin. The entire row moved down a seat. Making space for you to the right of Eddie. He gestures for you to sit down his eyes glistening as he stared at you, he noticed the dress this morning and in the hall the entire day. But you looked so beautiful.
"I could have taken a seat down the row...you didn't have to move" you gently tell the boys that sat down the table. They shake their head telling you they didn't mind.
"So."
Eddie started.
"What made you wear a dress today? You didn't wear a dress last week."
"Um well, breaking news, I can wear a dress even when I rarely wear dresses" you say, almost like you were making fun of him.
"Yeah...well you look good in it. You should wear dresses or skirts more..."
The faint blush that covered both of your faces didn't go unnoticed by the rest of the table.
"Sooo...who is the new girl. Didn't she sit with the popular folk last week? She doesn't belong here" said a guy with shorter curly hair. Man he really didn't sound happy to have you here and the glare he send your way just proved it.
"Shut it Gareth! This is Y/n, believe it or not she's nice, hanging out with popular people didn't rot her yet"
"Rude" you hiss at him letting him know he shouldn't talk like that about your friends. Honestly mostly because of Chrissy.
"They can be nice, well...some of them."
"Yeah like Chrissy and....yeha right only Chrissy, isn't that right Y/n?" Asked the guy next to you, he had a dorky smile, his curls short and almost in a shag. He had braces.
"Can it Dustin. Anyways Y/n is my friend she's pretty and sweet. You all better be nice or DND today won't be good for any of you"
This earns a few frustrated huffs and irritated groans but they decide it's best to do as Eddie says. The rest of lunch they're actually all talking to you, even Gareth started to enjoy having you around. Eddie threw in comments here and there but he was busy staring at you. When Dustin shoved Mike , he almost fell off the chair caused you to start laughing. They started to basically fight eachother right there and then. It was entertaining. When you looked at Eddie to see if he was laughing like the rest of the table your breath catched in your throat. He was staring at you.
Like you weren't stupid, you know that kind of stare.
Longing, adoration...basically just a crush stare.
Your smile dropped slightly as you blushed before he leaned closer looking directly at your face.
"You got a pretty darn cute smile"
"Thanks..."
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3 + 27 + 29 for writers ask game for u!!! >:3
ROSWELL SOLLUX INTERTEXTS MY FRIAAAAND <3
3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?
OUGHH REALLY HARD QUESTION. gaghh. i think my two favourites are brutal and my which prime defender are you quiz!!! brutal was just so fun to write i love when winters family torment nexus!!!! and the quiz because i knew exactly what the reception to it would be (oh silly fun quiz!! yay--oh. Oh No) and i was very correct and it was very fun to see people cursing my name in the feedback question. the quiz was definitely the funnest one to put together!!!! i should do more experimental stuff like that :3 very fun
27. What do you listen to while writing?
GOD i have like five million playlists i cycle through depending on my mood. i have like a playlist of party/sex/etc. songs, another simply called âïžBADASS SHITâïž (yes sword emojis included) that i named years ago and don't have the heart to change the name of, one with songs that provide me with serotonin, etc. however i think my favourite playlist is gay fuck jazz (name courtesy of my brother who once described will wood's music as gay fuck jazz and it hasn't left my brain since) gay fuck jazz is usually my default!!!
29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?
URGHGHGH. I DONT KNOW. THERE R SO MANY GOOD ONES. hmmm lemme think. ohhgh this one from shotgun <3 w vyncent cleaning off the. shotgun
"The shotgun is easier to clean off. Vyncent scrubs the butt of it with a handful of wipes, and they come away dark red, leaving the shotgun sparkling clean.
He lifts it from between his legs and holds it across his lap, just looking at the thing. A shotgun is different from an axe or even a chainsaw. Itâs a lot more... removed. Distant. Heâs never liked guns all that much. He doesnât know how Ram uses them.
Hesitantly, he turns it over, and with hands that do not shake, shut up Jason, get back from the front you shouldnât be here fuck off!!! he lifts it and places his hands where Williamâs would rest. Willâs left handed, so it feels kind of weird, but Vyncentâs been trained to fight with either hand, so although itâs different he can more or less comfortably hold the shotgun the way Will would, placing his palms over the places heâs seen Will hold it by, curling one finger around the trigger, the other hand gripping the fore-end. He wedges the butt into his shoulder, lifting the stock to rest against his cheek. He looks down the barrel, where itâs pointed at one of the windows.
He shouldnât load it, shouldnât cock it, shouldnât even rest his finger on the fucking trigger, because if he misfires this thing a bullet could rocket out of the Winnebago and hit some poor old lady driving in her Prius, or a random animal on the side of the road, and he doesnât want to see a splatter of blood on the highway.
It feels. Weird. Holding this. Having some machine with a dozen movable parts in his hands, something capable of rocketing a piece of lead out the other end fast enough to reduce a personâs head to smithereens with just a simple press of a single switch.
His finger twitches against the trigger. His hands are shaking.
He really doesnât like guns."
LONG PASSAGE I KNOW I KNOW BUT. IM REALLY NORMAL ABOUT VYNCENT AND GUNS. god. sorry now im just thinking about nhw virion and his fucking guns i need to be put down like a rabid dog
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