#not *sad wet cat* or *wild cat* or *cat boy*. just *cat*

[greencheekconure27]

Points at Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes :👉 "Cat."

[hyunsvngs]

hyunsvngbinimas !

pairing: lee minho x fem!reader

warnings: reader is a cat hybrid, perv!minho, heats, slick, kind of omegaverse but not, breeding kink, unprotected sex, creampie, depictions of porn

Nothing is going right.

Minho’s apartment smells of those cliche candles that just reek of Christmas - spiced cinnamon apple strudel, or something like it. He’s burnt his cookies. His hair is covered in white sugary flakes that he’d tried to make snow for his gingerbread house with, and they’re currently melting into his hair from how stressed out he’s getting. Felix will be here any second. He’s freaking out. Felix always judges his baking.

He sighs, scraping the burnt remnants of his baking endeavours into the bin. Felix will have to be happy with just the gingerbread house. Anyway, Minho got him an amazing present for Christmas - a new headset for his gaming setup that had little holes for his white fluffy cat ears to peek through. 

Being best friends with a hybrid wasn’t easy for Minho. Unfortunately, Minho had some weird affinity for cat girls and boys alike, and his computer was decked out with mountains of hybrid heat porn that would make even Felix’s weird friend Jisung stutter. Minho had gotten drunk one night and opened up to Felix about it, and had received an overly wet kiss on a cheek and a sweet chirp of “I’ll fuck you whenever, hyung”. Minho still blushes to the tips of his ears when he remembers it. 

Felix’s hybrid status isn’t the only reason he’s reserved as Minho’s lifelong best friend. Felix is devious, weird, and a little bit evil just like Minho - he’s also always late, which really means a lot to Minho when he’s stressing out like this. 

True to his nature, there’s a loud knock on the door approximately fifteen minutes after the meeting time after Minho had just put the baking tray of newer, more promising cookies into the oven. Minho throws his oven gloves to the side and then he’s charging over to the door to swing it open, ready to give Felix a fake lecture about being late to their designated day for exchanging presents. 

Only, when the door opens, Felix isn’t alone. He’s standing on Minho’s doorstep with a wild smile on his face, a beanie pulled over his ears and his white tail swishing in excitement. Next to him is you. 

And you’re, well, you. You’re a cat hybrid, too, sans-beanie and baring your orange ears for the world to see. You have a matching smile on your face, and Minho can’t help but fight his own smile back. It’s that contagious. Your fluffy winter dress is swaying around your mid-thigh, and when you turn to stop your suitcase from falling in the snow, your tail curls in annoyance.

Wait. You have a suitcase.

“Yongbok-ah,” Minho starts, his apron covered in flour. His apron is covered in flour. He’s a mess, and the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen is standing on his doorstep with a cute little dress on. He wonders if you’d let him flip it up and stretch your pussy open with his thick- no. He clears his throat, repeats Felix’s Korean name once again. “Yongbok-ah. What is this?”

“Your new roommate!” Felix beams, his smile stretching from ear-to-ear. Minho contemplates how he can kill him. “She was looking for somewhere to stay. Her landlord just kicked her out over Christmas, hyung, isn’t that so sad? Anyway, I remembered you saying you wouldn’t mind someone moving in to help with rent, so-”

“I work!” You blurt, cheeks sufficiently rosy pink and your bottom lip looking so biteable. Minho mentally chastises himself. He needs to behave. “I can pay rent, and Felix said you’d like me.”

Oh, he did, did he? Minho manages to drag his eyes away from you to stare menacingly at Felix, who only nods in agreement and smiles. Minho sighs, eyes flickering behind him. How quick can he do a deep clean of the house so that you think he’s perfect and amazing and maybe want to be with him? “I do have a spare bedroom.”

“Great!” Felix chirps. His eyes flicker between you and Minho. You haven’t taken your eyes off of him, tail swishing around your back excitedly. It’s orange with faint stripes in it, and Minho’s trying not to get hard in his pants over the way you’re grinning at him. Felix claps his hands together, gloved and muffled. “So, I’ve got to go now. Bye, hyung!”

“Y-Yongbok,” Minho blurts. Did he really just stutter? “What about your present?”

“Oh, give it to me another day,” Yongbok waves him off, already turning down the drive.

Minho scoffs. “What about my present, you little-”

Yongbok turns around. “She is your present, hyung. Silly.” 

Minho reverts his eyes to you. He can feel how he’s widening them in shock, his bottom lip quivering. He wants to say something. He wants to talk to you, but how can he? You’re looking at him so expectantly and your dress has damn pom poms on it. He’s going to die. “Uh. D’ya wanna come in? I have cookies in the oven.”

“Great!” You say, and Minho’s convinced your voice is exactly how angels sound. You shimmy past him with your suitcase and leave it in the doorway, sashaying into the living room as if you’ve been there a million times. He watches you sprawl on the sofa in awe, stretching languidly. If he squints, he might be able to see the panties you’ve got on underneath your dress. “I love cookies.”

“Uh, yeah,” Minho says intelligently, kicking the door shut. He’s quick to follow you despite still being in his apron and having white specks in his dark hair. He tries to sit down casually on the sofa, and you gravitate towards his body heat, curling up beside him. “Have you had a roommate before?”

“A roommate?” You perk up, looking at him. Minho thinks he’s going to die. He’s definitely hard now, and he’s glad the apron is loose enough to cover it. You blink, and then you nod. “I guess so. In college, I stayed with a bunny girl. She was super sweet.”

A bunny girl? You two… lived together? Minho’s heart has stopped beating, officially. Maybe you’re still close friends. Maybe you can bring her over, when one or both of you are in your heats, and maybe you’ll let him watch if you-

Oh, Minho’s so fucked.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You’re so fucked.

When Felix said his friend Minho had mentioned wanting a roommate, you hadn’t expected him to be so sexy. Even standing on his doorstep with an apron covered in flour and a timid expression on his face, he was sexy. He’d shown you to the spare bedroom, nice as pie, and had waited while you got settled in to comfier clothes before getting on the couch with him. You couldn’t stop your tail from swishing when he fed you a cookie, warm from the oven, and you’d been looking at him with round, owlish eyes. He has to know. You’re wondering how much you can put down to kitty tendencies just to get closer to him. 

“Can we cuddle?” You chirp, and Minho turns to you. He blinks, lips parted. His eyes are so dark, so round. “You know, kitty tendencies. I like the warmth. If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay-”

“No,” He shakes his head, patting his lap. “C’mere, kitty- sorry, God, can I call you that? Is that okay?”

You giggle, curling up in his lap. Your tail curls around his arm comfortably, and Minho chokes back a noise. You wonder if he’s alright. “Kitty is fine. I like it.”

Minho lets out a stuttered breath. “O-Okay, so- how do you want to do this? I can cook for us, if you wanna clean?” He shakes his head. You feel his body tense up from beneath you. His thighs are so broad and muscled you can’t help but nuzzle your nose into one. You’re purring before you even realise you are. “Actually, no. Don’t clean.”

“I can clean!” You insist, but he’s already protesting again.

“No, kitty. Please don’t. Please don’t clean.”

Why not? You screw your face up in a pout, but you can’t help but feel the most comfortable you’d ever felt. It feels domestic, almost, the way you’re curled up on his lap and he’s just letting you. He’s warm. He’s warm and toned, and you flip over to look up at him. God, he’s pretty - sharp nose, pouty lips, the cutest bunny teeth that would have you swearing he had to be a hybrid too if you hadn’t seen his human ears. You want him.

Minho looks down at you then, a smile playing on his lips. “Why are you staring at me, kitty cat?”

You blush, shaking your head. “No reason. Hey, do you wanna watch a movie? I’m not moving though.” 

“Of course,” Minho chuckles, his shoulders shaking. You watch as he reaches over you to grab the remote, flicking through channels until he finds a decent Christmas one. He looks at you, almost hesitant with his spare hand raised above your hair. “I- Felix likes when I scratch his ears. Do you- would you-”

“Yes, please,” You nod eagerly, and he snickers at your response. His hand threads into your hair, fingertips rubbing absentmindedly at the start of your orange ears, and you purr. It makes him tense up again. 

When you finally turn over to pay attention to the movie, it’s some stupid film about two people finding love at Christmas. You can’t help but hope you have a similar experience, and you definitely wouldn’t be disappointed if it happened with the man who’s currently stroking over your ears and humming a soft tune. It feels too easy with him, too natural, but you’re not one to complain.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You’re panicking. You’ve been living with Minho for a week now, and between him doing absolutely everything around the house and refusing to let you pay rent - for what reason you’re unsure - you’re determined to get him a good gift for Christmas. Christmas is only in a few days, and you just can’t find anything perfect scrolling through your laptop. You have goosebumps on your arms from how cold you are, but you’re so focused you can’t put an extra layer on.

You’re convinced you’re hallucinating when the screen freezes, turns blue, and crashes. What? You bang on the keyboard with clenched fists, ears flattening in annoyance. What’s going on? Has it… broken? No way. No way would this happen to you, not during the most important time of your life. You had to get Minho a good gift. 

He’s sat on the sofa scrolling through his phone when you perk your head around the doorway - or perk your tail around, since that’s the first thing Minho sees. He grins, turning to you. God, his grin makes your stomach flutter. 

“What’s up, kitty cat?” He muses, and you grimace. 

“I- I was doing… something on my laptop, and I think it’s broken,” You say, voice quiet. Despite getting so close to Minho in the week you’ve been there, including even taking naps together on the sofa, you still can’t push past your silly little crush on him. Especially not when he scratches under your chin and feeds you cookies. “Nothing weird. I just- could I use yours? Just for an hour or two, and then you can have it back, and-”

“Of course you can,” Minho cuts you off. You try not to stare at his biceps as he leans over to grab his laptop, white t-shirt clenching tight around his muscles. You suppress a whimper as he hands it to you, and then you’re scurrying back to your room with a delighted squeal.

The sheets are soft on your legs as you make yourself comfortable again, and then you open the laptop. It has no password, which is just so Minho, and is covered in cat stickers. He must really like cats. The thought makes your tail curl in delight, and you try to calm your excitement as the laptop boots up. 

Immediately, you take notice of the fact that his laptop is definitely a newer, more expensive model than yours. It makes you shy, embarrassed that you’re not paying rent to live in his house and still can’t even get a good laptop, but then you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. He has around ten files, labelled nothing other than numbers 1-10, and they’re neatly organised in a row across the screen. 

Before you can even process what you’re doing, you’re clicking on the first one. You gasp, hand covering your mouth. You’re snooping. Maybe… maybe the files will help you learn what stuff he’s into, what kind of things he’d love for Christmas? Yeah. That’s why you’re looking. Definitely no other reason. 

The first file has ten files inside it, all video files that are just begging for you to double click on. Could you watch them? Could you be nosy like this? Does that make you an awful person? You realise that yeah, you must be an awful person because you’re going to watch them. You’re going to watch every single one just to find out what they could be.

You don’t expect to be met with a cat hybrid being bent over a desk. She’s a girl, noted from the way the man’s speaking to her, and her slick is gushing around his cock. Your eyes widen, comically round, yet you can’t tear them away. Her tail curls around his waist, keeping him close, and her eyes roll back into her head. The camera is positioned to the side but it captures every single expression she’s making.

Is this what Minho’s into? Is he… into you? Would he fuck you like this, would he talk to you like this?

You’re clicking on the second video before you can even think of it. This one is recorded by the male, camera positioned to capture the cat girl’s tits as they sway and bounce enticingly. You want Minho to record you while you ride him like this. You wipe sweat off of your brow. She’s pretty, with blushing cheeks and ears flattened to her head as she moans in ecstasy. His pubic hair is drenched with her slick. You whimper. You want it. You want it with Minho. 

He must jerk off to these, you decide, clicking on the third video. This one’s a little different - the girl is on her knees, slobbering and spitting all over a rather large cock. Is Minho that big? It’d be perfect to breed you, he could hit your cervix like that. You wipe drool off of your bottom lip. It’s suddenly very, very warm, and you feel like you can’t breathe. Imagining Minho’s cock is sending your senses into haywire, your whole body feeling like it’s been ignited with fire and electricity and-

“Kitty,” A voice from your door. You perk up. You’d left it open, just slightly ajar, and Minho is standing there with wide doe eyes. “Oh, no. You’ve seen them. I’m so sorry, if you want to move out I understand and I- kitty?”

You’re panting. Your eyes are glassy, covered in unshed tears, and your t-shirt suddenly feels like it’s stuck to you. Weren’t you just cold? You can’t remember. Your senses are full of Minho, Minho, Minho, and you want him to fuck you under the Christmas tree or bend you over the sofa or his desk or just take you on the floor, you aren’t picky. 

“Minho,” You finally speak, chest heaving. “Minho, Minho, you- you- you like these? You- Minho, please, do you like these videos?”

He’s slow walking over to your bed, almost anxious to approach you. He sighs when he reaches the foot of the mattress, climbing onto it to sit cross-legged. He twiddles his thumbs. “Yeah. It turns me on. Yongbok- Felix said I have a kink for it. I’m sorry.”

“S-Sorry?” It’s so warm. It’s so warm. “Minho, Minho, I- I’m really warm. Are you warm? It’s really warm in my room, isn’t it?”

Minho’s eyebrows furrow. He reaches over, placing the back of his hand to your forehead, and you whine. Loudly. Just him touching your forehead with the back of his hand is enough to make your pussy drool slick into your sleep shorts, and you can’t even begin to question why you’re suddenly so wet, until Minho speaks. “Oh, kitty,” He coos, his hand moving up to scratch your ear. You hum, leaning into the touch. Your vision is blurry, but you can see him perfectly. “Oh, my girl. I’m so sorry. I think you’re going into heat, kitty. I’ll call Yongbok, and-”

“No,” You wail, surging forward. The laptop slides off the side of the bed with a loud clatter, and Minho doesn’t even blink, staring owlishly at you as you wrap your arms around his middle. You’re in heat. You can tell when his body hits yours, your pussy gushing and making even more of a mess just from his body, despite being clothed. “No. God, please, Minho, don’t leave. It’s you, I want you, I was thinking about you and me, and the videos, and-”

“You want me?” Minho’s voice is soft, and he swipes a thumb over your cheekbone. Your head is positioned on his chest, and you can smell him, earthy and woodsy and manly. He sighs, and then he’s speaking again. “I want you.” 

“Please. Please, please, please, please, I need you, I need to see it, I need to feel you,” You’re babbling, sweat dripping down your temple, and Minho lets out an amused puff of air. “I- Minho, is- do you want to? Please.”

“You need to see it?” He chuckles, shoulders shaking. His eyes form crescent moons and you can’t even admire how cute he is through your haze of lust. “What’s it, kitty cat? My dick?” You nod eagerly, and Minho shakes his head in disbelief. “I want to kiss you first. Let me do it right, yeah? Let me do it how I want to. I need to treat you right.”

You’re still shocked when his lips press into yours, pouty and plush. He licks into your mouth and you have to avoid nipping at his bottom lip, until he does it to you and you deem it fair game. You’re devouring him then, nibbling on his lip and sucking on his tongue and encompassing your arms around his neck. He lets you push him into the mattress, lets you run your hands through his hair and pull away to nip at his neck teasingly. 

“Kitty likes to bite, huh?” He huffs, and you nod, nipping him again for his cheek. Your tail swishes behind you, excited and playful, and you can feel how hard he is against your leg. “Better not bite like that when you suck my cock.”

You pull away from his neck in alarm, the milky skin littered in teeth marks and red bruises. “I can suck it? You’ll let me? Oh, please-”

His hand envelops in your hair, wrapping your hair around his fist and tugging hard. “Maybe later. I can feel how that pussy is drooling on me. You need it badly, huh? Need me badly.”

“Yes! Yes, yeah, since I saw you, I- I wanted you to fuck me through my heat so bad, pin me to the bed and just make me take it, and when I saw the videos I- Minho, I thought I was gonna die, and-”

Minho flips you over onto the mattress, your front planted against the bed. You let out a satisfied purr when he strokes your tail with one hand, and then he’s hooking his thumbs into your sleep shorts and yanking them down your legs. You feel the cold air hit your pussy and you moan, loud and high pitched, spreading your thighs to arch your back and present your pussy to him.

“Oh, would you look at that?” Minho coos, his thumb swiping over your hole. Your hole clenches with the lack of fullness, oozing more slick over his digit, and he groans. “Messy little pussy. God, do you want me inside you that bad? Little minx.”

“Please, please. Minho, Minho, will you fuck me? Look’it,” You whine, spreading your legs further. “Look at how wet I am. I need you, need you. M-master, please.”

Minho hisses through his teeth, and then his cockhead is pressing between your folds. When did he get naked? “You dirty little thing,” He whispers, his voice low. “Take master’s cock, then. You wanted to see it, how’s about feeling it?”

He sinks into you, all of his shaft in one go. It doesn’t hurt, only stretches you beyond pleasure, and your fingernails rip into the sheets with one loud moan. It feels insane, raw and veiny and pressing against your walls as if he was made for you. You let him grip your hips and arch you further, your tail wrapping around his waist to keep him close to you. It’s like the first video you saw, and the realisation has you whimpering into the sheets.

“God, you don’t know how long I thought about you like this,” Minho grunts, and then he’s thrusting. His pace is punishing immediately, your slick gushing and squelching around his cock messily and you can only hope his pubes are drenched in it. You want him to cum inside you, breed you, fill you up with kittens and mark you as his so that everyone knows. “Pliant, wet and so desperate for me.”

“Love it,” You slur, eyes rolling back into your head. You don’t realise you’re bouncing back on his thrusts, ass hitting the bottom of his tummy with every movement. He’s bent fully over your body, chest against your back and his lips whispering filth into your ear. “Love your cock, master, ‘s so big, I feel so full, I- hnnfg, master, master, will you breed me? Will you cum inside me?”

“Oh, kitty cat,” He moans, passionate, and when you try to look at him his eyes are rolling back into his head. His bunny teeth bite his bottom lip, almost drawing blood. His cockhead fucks against your cervix with every thrust, primal and intense. He wraps his arms around your front, hands clutching onto your shoulders to pull you back into him. “I’ll breed you, jagi. I’ll fuck you full until it has to take, yeah?”

You can’t think straight. Your pussy clenches around Minho’s cock almost painfully and it only makes him feel bigger, pulsing and throbbing inside of you. You need his cum. You need to cum - your clit throbs painfully with it. “Oh, oh, I need’a- master, master, I need to cum, I need to cum, please, hurts,” You huff, squirming beneath him. He reaches from your shoulder to pin your hips down into the bed, ensuring that you can’t thrash or wriggle anymore and he has full leverage to fuck you the way you need it. “It hurts! Ah, it hurts, I can’t, I can’t, I need to cum, I need to-”

“What’s stopping you?” He questions, hips starting to fuck you in a sinuous grind instead. The change in pace has your toes curling, hands scrabbling to find a better grip on the sheets as he lets you feel every inch and every vein of his length. “C’mon. Cum around my cock, and I’ll give you my cum, breed you full of kittens. Give it to me, jagi, c’mon, let me feel it.”

With a wail and a sharp inhale of breath, you’re cumming quicker than you ever have with any partner or even your own hand. Your pussy pulsates and gushes around him, and he grunts through your orgasm, trying with all of his might to fuck you through it. You try to thrash, to grind back on him through it, but he has you pinned down with a vice grip that only proves to make you cum even harder. 

Minho’s hips press tightly against yours, and with a deep sigh, you feel his cum flood inside of you. You’re purring with the sensation of it, warm and thick and reaching your cervix with every messy pulsation of his load. You hope it takes, deep down inside you - you hope you’re swollen with it, that everyone knows he’s yours and you’re his. 

With the knowledge that you’re full of cum, your heat is slightly sated, and you blink through the fog while Minho sidles up next to you. When did he pull out? You huff and cuddle into his chest, and he reaches up instinctively to scratch over your ears. 

“Good?” He questions, voice timid. You blink owlishly.

“Good?!” You shriek, lifting your head up to stare at him. “I’m enlisting you for the rest of my heat, and then every day after that. You’re mine now.”

Minho chuckles. “I think that’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever been given.”

“Well, I was actually looking for something to get you when my laptop broke,” You say shyly, and Minho turns to look at you with a wide smile on his face. “It’s embarrassing! Just have me instead.”

“I think I’m okay with that,” He yawns, eyes fluttering shut. “Nap. You’re gonna need to be fucked again soon.”

You wondered how he knew, then you remembered the videos on his computer. “That’s true. Merry early Christmas, Minho.”

“Merry early Christmas, kitty cat.”

[xoxoemynn]

give the people what they want (tell us the daphne lore)

HOOOOO BOY OKAY HERE WE GO.

For context, Daphne has her Favorite Bed in my living room, and every day she demands requests we sit together there to bond. Eventually I got myself a little floor chair to go next to her bed because my back simply cannot be on hardwood floors for hours like Daphne prefers, and then I also keep my OFMD blankie there because it gets chilly on the floor and my toes get cold.

ANYWAY, come Saturday, I'm giving Daphne her CBD oil (because that is just one of her many medications), and I accidentally get the TEENIEST TINIEST drop on her bed. But because I don't want it to stain, I immediately wipe it down with soap and water. It leaves small wet patch. Basically make a circle out of your thumb and forefinger. That's more or less the size.

About thirty minutes after that, Daphne decides to return to her bed. And she....puts her paw directly in the wet spot.

The look of BETRAYAL on her face. Honestly, it's a miracle I'm still alive. If she had the power, I'd be incinerated, reincarnated, and dropped off the nearest cliff. That whole Ed killing Hornigold montage? That's what Daphne wanted to do to me.

Anyway, all Saturday, she avoided her bed. I didn't think TOO much of it, because she has countless other beds and pillows and cushions, so it's whatever.

Then comes Sunday. She's doing her little "time to sit on the floor" tippy tappy dance, so I go sit on my floor chair, but she doesn't seem content. And I'll be honest, I was a bit annoyed. I just wanted to write. I was finally in the zone, and Daphne was giving me no peace.

And then she gave me the softest little tap on my knee and the big sad eyes, and I put my laptop aside and she immediately climbed into my lap and curled into a little ball. And I was just about weeping, and Cat's in the Cradle was playing in my head, because Daphne is not usually a daytime cuddler, and she just wanted some love!!! And I was treating my laptop like it was more important!! I was a monster.

Then she hopped off my lap and gave me the "come follow me" eyes, so I did...and she immediately stole my seat and refused to budge. I tried. She said no. It was hers. She had conquered it fair and square. I tried reminding her there were SO MANY Daphne-sized seats for her and fewer me-sized seats and she did not care. So that was Sunday.

COME TODAY. I'm working on the couch, she lets me know she thinks I should be working from the floor like a true professional, I take my floor chair. And she goes to her bed, raises one tiny paw above it....and freezes. Backs away.

I'm reminded of the look of betrayal in her eyes from Saturday.

Yes, that's right. Daphne refused to go in her bed for 48+ hours because her tiny delicate paw touched WET on Saturday and it was SUCH a deeply traumatic experience she couldn't POSSIBLY put herself through that again. I tried ALL. DAY. to get her to give her FAVORITE BED another shot. She refused ALL. DAY. I physically put her in it, she would jump out. I kept pointing to the previously wet spot that was now dry and she looked at me like I was an idiot. I reminded her technically it was cleaner than before and she didn't care. She would sit on the floor chair or on my blanket, if she was feeling generous. No bed for her. Its prior state of Wet made it unacceptable.

Fortunately we have a happy ending. Daphne had some wild zoomies tonight, which did have her leaping over and into her bed, and eventually she tired herself out enough that she forgot her bed had previously been desecrated so now she's snoozing away in it. But I learned my lesson. I can never let the bed get wet again.

Picture below the cut of her on Sunday, stealing my seat, with the bed and blanket that were PERFECTLY VIABLE OPTIONS RIGHT. THERE. so I could sit on the hardwood floor and listen to her snore instead. (If I moved to go back to the couch, she would wake up and look at me all irritated and huff and puff until I return.)

THAT'S DAPHNE.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Dog Days of BL but July is Incoming

June 2023 Wk 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m finding the time frames confusing. Still, a lovely crying kiss + a very high drama-lllama gay confession. Kitchen counter make out, my fav! The actor who plays Jeng kisses at MaxTul levels, which is to say = like a man who has actually done it before with genuine desire and is capable of portraying that on screen. (What makes MaxTul kings is that they BOTH do this.) Pat caught up, thank goodness. Also P’Jeng!!!! P’JENG!!! I love how intimate phi is when it’s been all khun prior. This is the Thai version of hyung slinging. Errotic linguistics, my fav. And ALL the work drama and homophobia fall out when you sleep with the boss. I really enjoy that the angst concerning their relationship has to do with the fact that this is an office romance. Lastly? I love Chot so much. Everyone needs a gay auntie. Also Bruce is SO DAMN GOOD. (I mean we knew he would be from Lovely Writer, but this... chef’s kiss.) 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - There are enough meta-analysis on this one for me not to have to weigh in. Suffice it to say that I like what it’s trying to do, and I certainly appreciate the levels of consent and so forth but I’m not sure I actually like it as much now that we are swimming in high concept. Too much lying. I’m not sure I want my BL to make me think this hard. Also poly, boys = final answer. (Anyone else getting Color Rush flashbacks?) 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I love Max now and forever, and I made some very bad puns in the Trash watch here. Otherwise I’m not super invested. 

Dinosaur Love (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop (The Yearbook people) so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs, after Remember Me? I swore never again. But there’s so little on right now, I’m falling on the pulp sword...  My initial thoughts? It’s an En of Love installment? What is going on? Why all this opening with the sides in a bar? Are we framing? Just move on to the 2 boys kissing! Don’t try to be clever, for fucks sake. Okay, good, the pulp has begun. I like soft wet-blanket Rak and his sad love life. I’m not wild about how aggressive Dino is plus insta-SINGING but I DO LIKE THAT HE’S OUT and knows what he wants which is refreshing. It’s trope filled nonsense (crash into me, instalove, sing feelings, floppy drunk, he’s in engineering, fast and bi-curious) also Dino used ter at first (how forward!) then he went to gu/mueng after rejection, while Rak uses khun & phi/pom. Love this for them. Despite my justified reservations with this production team imma stay watching. I need something on Sundays. * 

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 6fin - That’s it? Bullsheiit. No seriously. That’s my review. 3/10 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I JUST WATCHED AND NEITHER DOES IT AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT.

* I got to say, you have only yourselves to blame for Dinosaur Love’s ranking. Once upon a time, I lived happily in ignorance of the Thai film industry. And then you all kept asking me extremely intelligent questions about it. And because I am a nosy little shit, I had to figure out what was going on. And now a BL like this, which ordinarily I would just love unconditionally, is a really scary place for me, because I know too much about the production house. The evils of too much information are all true. Remain happily in ignorance, I advise you, especially where BL is concerned. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 7-8fin - Yechan is such a frank character it confuses all who meet him, also a truly terrible flirt. This is such a puppy/cat relationship. It was cute but it went too far into cringe for a KBL (for me). I don’t think Kdramas are good at farce (sorry), better if they stick with more subtle humor. It was a sweet ending tho, not too cheesy. Nice kiss for KBL but pretty rather than sexy. Full review below.

Tokyo in April is... AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - Oh, it’s GREAT. Damn it. There is a lot of subtext and things not being said. This is going to be one of those shows where it’s endlessly frustrating that they don’t just talk to each other. The crying first time was gut-wrenching. Ren is complicated & scarred & closed off. Kazuma is earnest & empathetic & thinks he’s unworthy - so will take whatever crumbs are handed to him. They are both giving parts of themselves away in a desperate attempt to shape themselves to the expectations they have of each other. These 2 are gonna fuck each other up while they fuck and fuck with our hearts. Japan is giving us the Bed Friends that Thailand can never even imagine. There is absolutely no guarantee this will end happily (it’s from the Eternal Yesterday people) but it is guaranteed to be painful and beautiful along the way. Oh Japan, must you? I guess you must. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 4 of 6 - I’m mostly confused by the catfishing & tarot side plots. But the mains sure act like bfs. To the point of our tiny jock idiot getting gay panicked by how much bfs they are. Surprise kiss! For everyone, it turns out. Yes I laughed. What? It was pat but also… FUNNY.

Tie The Knot (Pinoy YouTube) ep 3 of 8 - The main couple is adorable, but I’m not wild about the gay bashing blackmail side story. Still, it’s the best we’ve had from the Philippines in a while so I am keeping my fingers crossed. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 9 of 12 - Seriously? Bah Vinh = chemistry with EVERYONE. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 12fin - So Souta just disappears off to Singapore and doesn’t say anything to his boyfriend about it? And then comes back with the perfect plan and life for both of them? Oh Japan, must you? Review below. 

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly English & set in LA (shudder) so I’m not bothering.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) 12 eps - Spies reported that it's a real mess and not a hot one.

Stay With Me ... NO I WILL NOT! And you can’t make me. 

In case you missed it

BL Express reviewed The Egoest. Oh boy am I never going to watch that. 

One in a Hundred - Gaga dropped all 12 episodes (c.10 min ea) at once. This is a 2020 Chinese show. It’s not BL. And it has a laugh track. I watched the first & final eps and won’t bother with the rest. DNF

I finally watched the 2022 thing I should have. 

To Sir, With Love - REVIEW

This is a true lakorn with scenery chewing performances from an ensemble cast focused on family obligation and past sins, especially from the mother characters. It is a Thai tellenovella + Gone With the Wind but gay. That said? I loved it: A glorious central brother relationship (the best, made me cry), het romances, class divide + gay *gasp* main romance, the camp of it all! It’s like it was invented by drag queens. Arranged marriage, rebellion, cut sleeves, dramatic death with curses and regrets, beautiful if inaccurate costumes, secrets unraveling, cover ups, sparkle murder, sex herbs, coils within coils including snakes and death by glitter (is anything gayer on this earth?). It’s a WILD ride. It’s not BL. It’s not a romance, it’s a family drama Thorn Birds style but it does end happy for our gay boys. Like Manner of Death I’m struggling to rate something on a BL scale when it patently isn’t a BL. I think I have to give it exactly what I gave that show, 7/10 

I loved it, but not as a BL. 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS (over its BLness) 

Zenra Meshi - REVIEW

AKA Naked Dinner 

I have to be honest, I didn’t really like much about this show. The central premise was too odd and the main character too clumsy & slow on the uptake. I like the food, but there have been food-set BLs before that failed to meet expectations. Too many of them. This one joined that throng. Good ending tho. 7/10 

RECOMMENDED WITH RESERVATIONS

Love Tractor - REVIEW

Most of this country-set BL had me feral for the beautiful broken city boy and his hot young farmer. Hyung romance, puppy/cat pairing, open frankness meets jaded reserve, language play, water hose frolicking, only one bed, all my favorite tropes. This show was basically a light-weight Restart After Come Back Home and I’m not even slightly mad about that. 

But (and you knew there was a “but” coming) something about the cringe of the final 2 eps and the impermanence of the ending (both of which highlight the fact that ultimately these 2 are I’ll-suited: too different & too far apart) left me with the feeling that they probably won’t last as a couple. However, in this case, rare for me, I forgive it this finale for my love of the rest. 

I did dither a lot though, it’s not an 8 but not a 9 either. Better than Love Mate (8/10) not as good as The New Employee (9/10) but in the end I’m value adding up for the premise and the cast, giving it a 9/10. 

RECOMMENDED 

(Gotta say, because this is rare for me, that this had a great OST. Not the credit music but the refrain, Rainbow.) 

Next Week Looks Like This:

July 2023 Supposedly... 

7/3 Be Mine SuperStar (Thai Mon Viki) 12 eps - JaFirst whipping boy/spoiled prince, obsession, celebrity/mundane. Third-year film student Punn (Ja) gets an internship on the set of a drama. He’s come to learn, but "what lights his passion even more than the work" is leading man Achi, Thailand's sweetheart. Adapted from the novel “The Superstar and the Puppy on Set” (พี่พระเอกกับเด็กหมาในกอง) by Orpheus, cast includes Benjamin Brasier (2moons2), Bosston Suphadach (UWMA), Jo Kavinpat (War of Y), Kokliang (TharnType). Directed by David Bigander (Bite Me) which makes me nervous. Maybe he'll do better with an adaptation?

7/6 Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu ????) 12 eps - The story is a continuation of Minato & Shin's love story, and it picks up 10 years after the events of season 1 but the characters don't seemed to have grown at all. Very Japan of you, Japan.

7/7 Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) 10 eps -  Gu Bu-Xia has the ability to hear ghosts, except when he is around his new roommate Jiang Chi. So he starts to find ways to approach Jiang Chi. But is it  the ghosts or Jiang Chi’s charm?

7/8 Low Frequency (Thai Sat YouTube?) 8 eps - ghost boyfriend, celebrity/mundane - Mon's life as a spirit-seeing interior decorator is full of headaches. On good days, he helps settle problems for his relative, who is a star manager. But then he gets involved with the spirit of Thames, a famous young actor who is in a coma.

7/9 Hidden Agenda (Thai Sun GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - JoonDunk are back. Zo, a college freshman whose never been in love, decides to change it by making the college’s star Nita as his gf. He approaches Joke, Nita’s ex, for dating advice. What he fails to realize is that Joke has had his eyes on him for a long time and uses this opportunity to approach Zo. TMS 2.0.

7/15 Laws of Attraction (Thai Sat ????)  Stars the pair from To Sir With Love and with the same production team, cryptic description, but it seems to be Manner of Death esk.

7/19 Wedding Plan (Thai Wed YouTube & iQIYI)  - It's Mame and she's coming for our GL. She's such a misogynist IMAGINE what we will get with a GL? It's going to be absolute carnage. To crane your neck as you drive by the car wreck or not... that is the question. Me? I'm wallowing in the guts.

7/20 Jun & Jun (Korea Thu Viki) - From 2022 (TutorYim rumored to cameo) this office romance features 2, yes 2! Bls. Seme looks aggressive, we in classic yaoi territory. There is an idol involved. Past failed flirts. I am very excited about this one.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

To Sir With Love

Best execution of the piggyback trope ever? I think so. 

Fucking GENIUS piece of acting. Bruce we LOVE you! 

All Step By Step 

It was stupid funny, okay? (Stupid Genius) 

Ridiculous man, you don’t have to eye fuck THAT hard. But we all appreciate it. (Vian) 

Dangerous thing to say in a show about identity in relationships. 

Brave boy.

I said this show was deep, not that I was. Although Patts seems to be going there. 

I’ll stop now.

All La Pluie. 

(Last week.)

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

Oooouuuo you want to share your vld wc au ideas...... You want to tell me all of your epic thoughts............ Uuooo oo mind persuasion noises

Is this what you want? Me making a mockery of your two beloved pieces of media? Me putting my inane crackpot ideas about your au which was lovingly crafted with joy and whimsy? Is that what you want???? Ok then-

It's pretty much the same/similar scenario. Kuron is Shiro's (Swift's) clone and a spoilt cat and a mamma's boy

2)Allura is a vet assigned on Trap-Neuter-Vaccinate-Rehome. She is also like the only one on this cause she's the only vet available in the town and the govt there is stingy with funding. So like the girl's Stressed™

3) She probably knows or atleast is aware of the cat cult. She just Doesn't Care they are fucking up the biodiversity

4)Lance was either an ex-kittypaw who's Trying so hard to pretend he's enjoying his life and loving being a Warrior cat though internally he's crying, sobbing, throwing up because he wants to Go Home!!!! Yes it's been years but he still misses his human family and his soft bed and his squeaky toy and his wet food and🥺🥺🥺🥺

5)Either that Or he is a human turned warrior cat by the Cat gods either because he accidentally pissed them so they cursed him or pleased them too much that the blessed them😔 sad! Anyway his usual inner monologue is going "What the fuck? What the fuck?!? WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE F-" entire time

6)Keith is just a cat. Like a completely normal cat. Imagine a cat from our world, that's him. He doesn't know what a warrior code is and he doesn't care. Warrior cats think he's So Cool and Mysterious and Quiet loner when actually he is literally just a head empty cat

7) He's also responsible for like 50% of the bird population's steep decline making him a hot topic among the clans and the top bounty on Allura's hit list

8) Reason why he is normal is because he is raised by wolves

8) Hunk is maybe a fae. Maybe.

9) I think we already talked about this but Lotor is a well intentioned idiot here. He's the one who keeps setting cats free into the wild forest, accidentally removing the traps Allura set to capture the cats, feeding the ducks bread even though it's a bad for them, keeps removing the native flora in his mom's backyard and planting invasive plants, and tries to start fire during dry season almost causing a forestfire etc etc Allura is going to kill him if she comes to know

Yeah this is all I have 😔😔😔😔 sorry 😔😔

[lauralot89]

Joy, joy, joy! although not all joy.

This is how I'm going to respond to everything from now on

I have cried over the good Sister's letter till I can feel it wet against my bosom, where it lies. It is of Jonathan, and must be next my heart, for he is in my heart.

oh boy, I'm thinking about the next time in this book that a woman keeps a document against her chest, and the circumstances are very different them, and now I'm sad

"I don't want to talk to you: you don't count now; the Master is at hand."

So I guess Dracula was just hanging out in Whitby until his boxes got unloaded? Was he going to fly back in the night to keep biting on Lucy, or was he intending to leave her alone until she returned to Hillingham and he realized she was nearby again?

I threw on my clothes and ran down at once; my patient is too dangerous a person to be roaming about.

But is he though? So far the highest form of life he's aspired to consume is a cat

His attention was called by the sound of the window being wrenched out.

is Renfield swole or are these windows just terrible

As I got through the belt of trees I saw a white figure scale the high wall which separates our grounds from those of the deserted house.

sadly not in lizard fashion

Chasing an errant swarm of bees is nothing to following a naked lunatic

wait, wasn't Renfield in his night-wear? Did he strip at some point after getting out, or do they mean naked as in like boldfaced?

I have worshipped You long and afar off

Okay, I don't remember. Is it ever explained if Dracula is the source or Renfield's issues, or just taking advantage of them? Was Renfield able to sense him all the way off in Transylvania, or did he just notice him as he got closer and worked this into the framework of his existing beliefs?

He is immensely strong, for he was more like a wild beast than a man.

so he is swole

Jack Sheppard himself couldn't get free from the strait-waistcoat that keeps him restrained

"Jack Sheppard was a notorious English thief and prison escapee of early 18th-century London." Thanks, Wikipedia!

[kennyomegasweave]

My live thoughts on The Sign Special Episode

Let's go!

IS MY BABY DEAD IN THE FIRST GODDAMN TWO MINUTES AND THE HOT CAPTAIN TOO??? Oh wait, it’s one of Tharn's dreams that hasn't come true yet.

I'm dying at Tharn waking up from a terrible dream where three of his homies are dead/hella fucked up, and Phaya's just like "what about some dick to start the day?" I know he's stayed on that man every day since he came back.  FUCKING RIGHT UP ON THE DOOR??? NASTY ASS. I love that for Tharn. I love that for Phaya. I love that for me. 

OH A FINE ASS WOMAN CAPTAIN HAS SHOWN UP ACCUSING THE FINE ASS MAN CAPTAIN OF STEALING HER CASE They have ~tension~ are they exes? Cause damn the fine ass Captain is reading her down. No matter what happens, I am choosing to believe they're exes cause like this feels ~personal~ 

Aww there's a cute little baby here. And everyone is just watching her cry and talking about her like she's not right in front of them. Can someone act like they've seen a child before? Damn. lol Oh fuck my boy is gonna talk to her, and I love him, but I know he’s about to make it worse. Well I guess Thongthai ain't getting a baby anytime soon cause Khem just made this little girl cry. lol At least Mayris hugged the baby. But I am crying at the fact that the room was obviously full of Team No Kids cause they had no idea what to do with a crying kid. 

Yai being all "aww don't be worried about me, I got people looking out for me" is, in fact, making me worried. lol Not Phaya getting jealous of Yai. That is his brother!

Khem and Thongthai coming up with the gossip! I love one messy ass couple. That's how you know they've been together too long cause they're just here for the mess. Not Tharn and Phaya going in on gender inequality and KhemThongthai standing there like ...well we just wanted to gossip but now we feel bad. 😬😬😬

As always, I'm crying that Khem and Thongthai are not only allowed to work together, but on the same team. Khem is just touching him all the time and calling him baby. That's not professional in the office, not at all. And they've been like that for 14 years, I know this in my spirit. At least Phaya and Tharn handle their shit better. lol

Okay. Phaya. Tharn is telling you how sad he was when all his people died and he mentioned his asshole bestie and you're just trying to fuck away your jealously. Phaya please. Also, there is a traumatized baby girl in the next room? Let's not. And okay. I get what Phaya means, and I absolutely hated how stupid Tharn was about Chalothon, but that man was in his life for like two decades. He's gonna come up and it's really not that cute for Phaya to be mad about it. 

Phaya is really out here trying to get his dick wet while this traumatized little girl is locked in an unfamiliar house with unfamiliar people. Not the time bro. lol

PLEASE DON'T POINT GUNS AT THE CHILD. Thank you Tharn for having sense. So far it seems like Tharn and Mayris are the only two people who have ever been around a child before. Which is wild cause Phaya has a baby sister that I thought was significantly younger than him. 

Okay that was a good move to bring the cat in. Cats make everything better. One point to Phaya.  Aww this little baby. She's only speaking English. So she's even more out of her element. 

Phaya was just watching Tharn with that baby and def wants that man to have his babies now.

Aww poor sweet baby girl. She doesn't want to sleep alone. If y'all don't get in that bed and sleep with her.

GET HIM THARN YOU CAN BE THE DAD AND HE'S THE MOM Oh Phaya pulled the uno reverse and said "that's cool, I can be the mom and you can be the dad." And honestly yeah. Phaya would have Tharn's babies if he could, I believe that. He just wants Tharn with a baby now however possible. JELLYFISH NICKNAME MENTIONED YES

I appreciate Phaya's garuda brother being like "I did help you but you caused these problems, so you have to deal with them the most." A beautiful representation of an older/younger sibling relationship.

Phaya's phone be ringing for eight years. It should have gone to voicemail by then.

Oh the hot lady Captain is in a leather jacket. My god. I'm so gay.

I do love how Phaya earlier was like THARN IT'S JUST A DREAM and now Tharn is like "your dream MIGHT be important but let's just WAIT." Like these two men aren't reincarnated gods and Tharn didn't spend a whole year in the naga world. 

NOT YAI AND KHEM. KHEM WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY YOU WERE A SWIMMER. Like I know he is but like. Baby. Why would they have sent Khem for this mission? That is my baby but he is not bright. Like. What the fuck was this plan. Also they're talking all kinds of shit about the plan knowing the building has cameras? Like. I'm sorry my stomach is IN KNOTS.

This is WAY TOO TENSE for me okay. Why on god's green earth did they send the dumbest two in to do recon??? I assume it's cause they're the strongest but like. I don't like this. Not at all. They’re dumb! And not good actors! They're gonna get caught out!

(But damn at least I get to see Gap's body. Cause that man is fine as fuck and fit as hell.)

NO WHAT DID THAT MAN GET ON HIS PHONE. Like okay I'm not scared for Phaya, Tharn, and Deeni cause they're not gonna kill a baby. But my babies Khem and Yai, however, those are grown ass men so you know. I don't want to dance, I'm scared to death.

HE JUST TURNED OFF THE LIVE FEED. Oh my fuck. They know they're cops. I am fighting for my fucking life.

Okay so this crack team is just gonna go in three deep? God this team really just has no brain cells, it should be the hot lady Captain leading cause Captain Akk just like. Doesn't have the best plans. You gotta bring more than THREE dudes against a tio in that shirt. Cause now everybody is disarmed and captured. 

HE'S MAKING KHEM AND YAI FIGHT TO THE DEATH??? IN FRONT OF HIS MAN??? OR THREATENING TO KILL THE OTHERS OH MY GOD HE JUST SHOT THONGTHAI IN THE LEG. Khem is def gonna have to fight now and like. NOT KHEM HITTING YAI AND SAYING SORRY. AND YAI TRYING TO BE LIKE KHEM DON'T WAIT STOP. Yai baby. He has to. It's Thongthai. That's his baby. 

Captain Akk is standing there stuck and restrained looking dumb. Like yeah baby maybe you shouldn’t have a damn married couple of like 14 years on your team? Especially when it was already shown that they can't really be objective about each other. (See: Khem getting shot and Thongthai useless for the last battle)

Okay now we're at the start. Those three aren't dead but Yai and Khem are still captured. But damn these three are all beat. So Khem had to see his man get shot AND beat? Guys. Thongthai can't be rational about this. I'm glad he called Phaya out about that. Captain Akk still sitting there like "maybe I shouldn't have picked a married couple for my team."

Okay Captain Akk. Baby. Let Captain Achara help. I don't know what your beef with her is. But it's not noble babe.

I'm sorry not Thongthai standing there beaten with a shot leg. He really wouldn't be much help here. But I get why he's there. He NEEDS to not only see his man, but get him back himself.

Oh yes god. Is she gonna switch the flash drives? MY QUEEN.

Phaya's garuda brother FTW!

I'm sorry. Yai got his ass beat like ten hours ago and is now hand to hand fighting. Yes Khem! Kiss your man and then go kick some ass!

Is this man and his turtleneck a tiger man (never 4get)??? Why is he growling? Phaya, please. It's time for your garuda powers to activate babe. Get those wings boo.

Yes! He has his wings! Or his brother's wings, I don't know which. But still. Wings baby! Wings!

YES QUEEN SHOOT HIM MULTIPLE TIMES SHOOT HIS CORPSE I WON'T TELL 

Of course Yai is calling Sand. I love that.

Aww, Deeni hugging and saying goodbye to Tharn and Phaya. 

I don’t like kid fic, but in my HEART, I know these two adopt a baby at some point. I know in my SPIRIT.

Did Singh just call Mayris a box bitch? That’s why he’s the single pringle cause my girl was looking fine as hell in that swimsuit.

(GAP'S DICK IN THESE SWIM TRUNKS. I eagerly await that gifset.)

WHY IS THARN IN A BANANA HAMMOCK???

This Avengers Assemble ass ending shot. It's so cheesy. I love it so much.

And on that note, we are done. I had a very good time during this episode. Did the plot make any sense? Not really. But it didn’t really in the show either so I mean. I got everyone looking great and everyone happy and in love and shit at the end. I got Thongthai losing his shit over Khem and, to me, that was worth my $16. I also got a hot ass lady captain running around in a leather jacket. I won.

[bodytotheconcrete]

i watched Argylle today and boy... Sam Rockwell as Aidan Wilde was so?? gender???? to me?????? it wasn't a "aw he's so gender" level, but a full on revelation-type level, like holy shit

yea he's a scrunkly short king spy man (who's kinda just like every other guy), and sure he's pretty sad wet cat of a man here, but there's something different, something so special about Sam Rockwell as Aidan Wilde in Argylle that, i shit you not, was peak gender experience to me

[toiletpapergolemn]

GRABBING YOU

SHOW THE PEOPLE YOUR INTERPRETATION OF EDEN OR SYDNEY OR KYLAR OR- (SHOT DOWN)

I'm gon doodle em later on cause I'm busy writing about my fav meow meow Also this is gon be all male bcs that's how I usually set my named NPCs as

- Eden

Tanned, big, brawny. Not like absolutely ripped. Idk why I always picture him with blonde hair for some reason. I'd also give him like a stubble (I tried drawing the fucker with a full beard but accidentally drew a certain fucking x men instead and immediately erased it), I picture him with a lot of scars as well. His head shape is more square and also strong jaw, I bet he kinda slouches too so bad posture. Wild shaggy hair that reaches his shoulder and green eyes. He has this droopy eyes that makes him look tired and straight brows so he looks tough in a sad way lmao. oh and maybe eyebags. Wears a winter coat with a tattered white shirt, black trousers and combat boots, idk why I rlly want him to wear a hat but I'm not sure what, maybe he ties his hair sometimes when hunting doe.

- Sydney

Twink. Just a slender dude. He's soft and squishy. Maybe to contrast it a little, he's a bit taller than average. ofc we know he has strawberry blonde hair and amber eyes (I think). Definitely more on soft boy. I've always pictured him with pale or fair skin. Low ponytail, no bangs, hair reaches to upper back, smooth and silky hair. Big, round, innocent eyes. I imagine when we go to a more corruption route, his eyes gets sultry and half-lidded quickly and maybe add a bit more muscle to his figure. I also picture him having something more deliberately messy like a wolfcut or layered hair. also I like the idea if he dyes the tip of his hair white for some reason. Straight posture but gets a little fruity when corrupted. Pure Syd wears a sweater vest, school blouse, a tie, long school trousers, and school shoes. Corrupt Syd wears an unbuttoned school blouse, long school trousers but I imagine he has those chain belts, and then combat boots (in winter, pure Syd wears peacoat but corrupt wears a hoodie n beanie) OH and ear piercings

- Kylar

Wet cat aesthetic. Slouches which makes him seem smaller than he already is. Green, wide-set eyes, looks scary as fuck if he staring at you in the dark. I wanna picture him having a bit of a chubby stomach bcs this fucker would suck at swimming and gym and also has a poor diet. Black wavy hair, looks fluffy and is short but it's so unevenly cut that it's obvious he cut it from frustration. Eyebags, some real dark circles. Gets sweaty easily so he always seem greasy even though he showers daily. In my playthrough, he's always set as dark skin so I picture having a cold, bronze colour. I find it so funny he carries a knife cause his clumsy ass would accidentally cut himself so some scars on his palms. I always see him wearing a hoodie, long trousers, and some normal school shoes. I think a game logo or somesort on hoodie would be a nice added detail bcs he goes to the arcade. Freckles :3. I always imagine he has some wild strength despite how he looks bcs he can carry PC to his house w ease and without getting caught like srsly idk how but the gap of it makes it attractive *twirls hair*

[uriekukistan]

how about some school related hcs for your favs ^_^

hell yeah thank you for the ask :D this is gonna be a very mixed fandom post slfkgj but im sure you were expecting that

i think i once said mello would be a classics major, but i think he would also have a double major in psychology? or really some combination of a humanities and a stem major. he likes to exercise both types of thinking equally. he's also a very serious studier, definitely pulls a lot of all-nighters. he's not super organized about it though, he just jumps from assignment to assignment randomly depending on what he feels like doing.

i think misa would either be into studying something more creative like music or fashion, or something more human-focused like anthropology or sociology. very active in class and asks a lot of good questions. but she doesn't study. wings every exam. her gpa rides solely off of her passion for the subject, which shows in her projects/papers.

i can see urie being into something like math or some science idk because everything is very formulaic and orderly. also a serious studier, similar to mello in intensity, but different in that he completes one assignment at a time. always works in the library. color coded notes. very organized. top grades of course. goes to study sessions with the TA and everyone's like "what is he doing here" because he's just that good.

saiko....girlie please go to class. probably only shows up if there's a test or she has to present something (everyone's annoyed because why is her presentation so good when she's never been to class). can see her studying graphic design or computer science but in like a video game designing type way not an engineering type way. her grades suffer from her lack of attendance but not enough that it matters. cs get degrees and whatnot

a lot of people say megumi would study to be a vet but i actually disagree. i think he loves animals too much to actually watch them suffer and perform surgery on them or put them to sleep. probably started on that path but realized quickly it wasn't for him and stuck to volunteering at the shelter. he would probably switch into something like ecology, focused on like preservation and protecting habitats for wild animals. he's not super into the outdoors but again. animal lover. he canonically gets more sad for animals than humans, so it just seems fitting for him. also a pretty serious student and gets good grades, but never pulls all nighters. i had a roommate who had straight a's as a neuroscience major and slept at 10pm every night, that's megumi.

was gonna talk about choso but tbh i dont see him attending college. i've seen him depicted as a tattoo artist or a firefighter too many times for my own good, so i'll talk about my fav wet cat boy yuuta. was gonna say med student but i think that was the white jacket talking, so i'm going with archaeology, i don't really have a reason, just that he seems like he would be very good at handling artifacts. a good student, but not good at studying. always loses focus. pulls all nighters bc he fell behind during the day only to get distracted again

this got so long...oops :D

[wetcatspellcaster]

So I've been reading Pieces and Honest Lie alongside a friend who isn't on tumblr at all but still reads a lot of fanfiction. We both love both stories deeply and have a great time co-reading whenever a new chapter comes out.

Through casual conversation, she JUST NOW discovered that Honest Lie is going to have a happy ending and isn't the same timeline as Pieces. and oh boy, what a reaction. Here I had thought we were having the same reading experience, meanwhile she was consuming a tragedy and was prepared for everyone to be SO SAD

The texts I got:

OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT IS INSANE that changes everythinggggggf I thought I was reading a tragedy That’s craaaaazy Wowowowoowiwoiwow This is so much to process I need time to thibk lol

Anyway, I thought that you might also find this entertaining! RIP to any other non-tumblr readers who didn't notice the "angst with a happy ending" tag on Ao3

lmao hello badwolf109's friend: you are so brave, it literally takes a lot for me to read a sad fic in my spare time. real life is already too depressing for that kind of praxis.

I am indeed laughing, I'm so happy for you both!

it truly underscores what a wild time it is to be writing in a fandom where people stick with WIPs and place their trust in you, rather than bingereading all the way to that eventual happy ending.

I know I angst! I know I write angst! But I am such a baby when it comes to true tragedy, I was so wet cat sad by the end of the Ascendency arc of Pieces - couldn't even do a tragedy in my tragic fic!! So, i promise you badwolf109's friend, there is absolutely a happy ending to An Honest Lie!! We've got to get these bitches to a graveyard!!!

[thanksforthedinosaur]

november 2023

tomcbumpz - close your eyes

pinkpantheress - capable of love

sonic girl - bff ∞

almondmilkhunni - miss u - glimji remix

helena gao - god's favorite

higgo - think twice

holliday howe - 1 2 3 4 (i just want my stuff back)

namasenda - maserati

ko aka koala - chef's kiss

livia o - stepping off

silvie - panic - acoustic

frex - postcards

claire rosinkranz - polarized

tiger darrow - impulse tattoo

l devine - slippin away

nessa barrett - club heaven

bel - cold brew

lølø - faceplant

sody - trust

tate mcrae - greedy

dayyani - johnny

ari abdul - bite marks

taela - beetlejuice (dead to me)

carr - usual medication

lolahol - spelling

olivia lunny - fix this

paramore - c’est comme ça (re: wet leg)

sweet pill - starchild

mansions - it’s a joke

anita velveeta - milk

del paxton - yes depression

hawthorne heights - the storm

blink-182 - fell in love

the dollyrots - 5+5

teenage joans - yoke

venus & the flytraps - good to be bored

hana eid - pitbull

wednesday - hot rotten grass smell

pinkshift - to me

deary - sleepsong

laveda - surprise

yumi zouma - kpr

squirrel flower - intheskatepark

mrch - wild

mother tongues - love in a vicious way

kali horse - long fever

joiner - folded smile

sufjan stevens - my red little fox

mali velasquez - decider

sarah jarosz - columbus & 89th

caroline culver - long island dr

margot liotta - planet song

sophie may - somewhere far

mabel ye - the litany

laura veirs - creatures of a day

meadowlark - goodbye

shunkan - october

boygenius - voyager

helena deland - the animals

al menne - kill me

fenne lily - dawncolored horse

becca mancari - i had a dream

agnes hartwich - sad/drunk (demo)

daisy the great - glitter 2

reveal party - my boy, pt.2

madison cunningham - subtitles

juliet ivy - boytoy

chelsea cutler - if not yours

marika hackman - no caffeine

charlie houston - cranberry

cafuné - shadowboxing

cole bleu - heartbreakers

somoh - man

radiator hospital - sweetness of yr vision

babehoven - chariot

the seshen - waiting for dawn

alayna - buckle in baby - remix

dorian electra - idolize

blu detiger - cut me down (feat. mallrat)

tkay maidza - out of luck

hannah diamond - no fx

troye sivan - in my room

holly humberstone - paint my bedroom black

cassie marin - processing

sarah kang - pluto

weslee - love you i do

jamila woods - practice

offset - worth it (feat. don toliver)

(g)i-dle - flip it

earl sweatshirt - 27 braids

self jupiter - big dipper

reverie - intergalactic

doja cat - paint the town red

[cinnamonest]

Bit bonkerz but I'm obsessed with the idea of modern au Razor being a straight up like, feral child you find one day by total accident. Some beautiful ethereal wild savage youth you just happen to bump into in the forest or the park or in your backyard, completely naked, long hair plastered over him all silvery and wet.

Poor kid probably can't even talk, his ability to communicates long been thoroughly shot, and his canon poor manners are like, doubly bad. Maybe he's actually rather quiet and well behaved because he's placid in an environment that's totally different from the one he's used too (that being the woods) but his attachment issues are off the charts and he sticks to you like *glue*. Plus, his hormones are going nuts around you given he's not been around girls before. All this time they've been bubbling beneath the surface for so so long without a target, as no human females have been present in his upbringing. But the second he sees you, the moment he's attached, the urge to just *breed* and fuck you is nigh on intolerable. His sex drive is bursting like a dam, its voracious, and what's worse is he doesn't understand a lick of consent either. He doesn't understand he's trying to rape you and not just...mate. Become as intimately close as possible to this one protective human in his life that actually gives a *damn* about him.

And of course you feel truly *awful* about taking him in because he clearly wants to fuck you but just can't comprehend the gravity of such an inappropriate need. It's made even worse by the fact he's only learned one word and it revolves around you: "*mama*" - which shows that his staunch attraction has evolved to possess familial, incestuos, layers as well. Made all the more obvious by his constant greedy little habit of suckling and nursing and snuggling on your tits for hours on end (in much the way cats that are weaned too young often do)

His mind is stunted and broken; he can barely hold a pencil right or count or say his ABC's. But you know that simply dumping him into one of those awful homes for troublesome boys because he's too much to handle, or one of those 'schools' for underdeveloped/mentally impaired youths could lead to a greater worsening of his already irreparable trauma - you don't trust those people to truly care for him. The guilt is overwhelming and you feel heinous whenever he comes to you buck naked, making unintelligible noises, asking for cuddles, asking for sex, but the idea of pushing him away, even if it's for good reason feels unimaginably cruel. This sad pitiful boy has no one else to rely on and if no one but you can look after him, maybe you should just let him have what he wants for once.

YOOOOOO this hits me right in the soft spot this is what makes me clutch my chest longingly oh my GOD

I love the concept of feeling like you can't blame him or even be mad -- it's truly not his fault that he doesn't understand consent. He has no concept of it. So when he looks up at you with those soft puppy eyes and whimpers and ruts a hard-on into your thigh, how can you tell him no? The mere thought of breaking the fragile yet so precious attachment he's developed to you hurts.

Because it IS out of that connection that he wants this to begin with. Whenever he even looks at you he feels so happy, but he doesn't know how to tell you. It makes him feel warm and a heavy pressure right in that spot that feels so good to the touch, and there's just an urge he can't understand, and doesn't care to understand, only to act upon it.

And you also start to blame yourself in your head, once he finally breaks and holds you down and breeds you hard and fast. You think back to what you did to cause this, blame yourself. You allowed to to escalate, didn't you? You didn't tell him "no" when he started getting grabby. You didn't tell him "stop" when he started staring at your chest and legs and running his hands up under your clothes. You didn't push him away when he tried to bury his face into your chest. So of course he'd think this is okay. Stopping him now would only hurt his feelings, wouldn't it? Besides, better you than someone else, so he won't get in trouble.

And since it's really not his fault, you tell yourself, it would be so cruel to stop him now. Since it's due to your actions, you can never stop him without feeling some guilt... So it just goes on and on, over and over, until you reach a point where there's yet another reason, you've let it happen so many times that you would hurt him to say no now. An endless cycle that you don't know how to break, but sometimes, seeing how happy you make him, you're not sure if you want to.

[holsten-from-hasa]

echo watches dominion smp

viking pilot pov (hello tumblr jumpscare man)

anyway immediate thoughts: this guy is an embodiment of a wet rag, i want to wring him out and hang him up to dry. nice voice.

honestly more put together when confronted with thefacthes real now than i would ever be. 'hi yes ive been watching you for a while. hello' also set on fire so much. grilled viking

everyone on this server is slightly insane. i love them

viking has. the wildest sense of loyalty ive ever seen. like yes hes fix's friend. yes hes just vibing while the others spawn a warden. yes he told taneesha peoples favourite things. yes hes immediately telling said people where they are. hes just So.

little ghost boy. what crimes will he commit.

the iou collection?? hermitcraft enjoyer in me still remembers horse head farms and the head canons of those being souls. viking the soul collector i guess

he is in your walls. he is in my walls. he is skittering around between the bricks listening in on you.

how far is he willing to go for a legundo iou. because so far seems like fix is one of his actual friends.

also just realised. he is wearing his own severed head to let people see him. that is both really wholesome and. freaky.

taking the blame. for tax fraud. does our favourite ghost boy not know that you do not fuck with the irs.

'you comitted several crimes' his reaction to crouch and look at them. god.

i am losing my mind.

ALL OF THIS FOR AN IOU

this mans priorities.

GRADY UNDER THE SLAB. HIDING. he looks so sad.

grady is so.

he got the worst deal. viking youre so dumb.

love how his outro just. has his channel icon cover his face. someone just slapped his own sticker on there.

episode 4: viking loses his goddamn mind

legundo shivering the whole time makes it so much better.

'I DO NOT FEEL SAFE IN THE MURDER GRAVEYARD' whats wrong, legundo? do you fear death? do you fear confrontation with your own mortality? run. perhaps you will find safety under the burning sun. but perhaps you will not be alone.

i have no idea what im saying any more.

oh no.viking once again tkaing the fall for a crime. taneesha is a bad influence.

'wow whatcrimes did viking commit' 'oh, yknow, all the ones we tried blaming taneesha for' 'huh, wild'

GRADY IS THERE

this web of lies. my god.

grady just like 'youre full of shit yknow'

oh hey is now a good time to mention i tend to associate phantoms with cats.

i am so glad he told nuke. still viking has the wildest allegiances ive ever seen.

people i need to watch after viking: nuke and grady. they have such vibes, actually

changing taneeshas base from snowy wonderland toliteral hell.... beautiful.

'not a cult' idk guys might be a cult. but also void is such a good aesthetic

feeding the void. crunchity munchity

vikings one cncern is that theres no contact card. yeah ok nice priorities ghost boy. im having the time of my life here.

'take it to your grave type thing' 'oh wait i have a thing for that' because yes phantom man has a grave for his servermate. in the murder graveyard. normal person thing the have. definitely.

he literally just murdered someone. nice. i support him.

now they are bullying the man who is constantly trembling.

no object permanence.... they are best friends

casually blowing a hole in the wall of the irs' tax bunker. after being told repeatedly to not do it. just hot girl things ig

JUST PUT A BLANKET OVER IT SHE WONT KNOW

AND NOW THERES A WARDEN

beautiful. wonderful. they are so dead

vanessa....

'yeah btw jamie mightbe being corrupted by void'

also fun fact! i am guessing everyones origins as we go. i know nothing i went in blind. its great. nothing is explained i love life

this episode is a train wreck. its so so great

'SNEVE WERE GODS'

'yeah this is a good place' 'so what about the queens head right there' 'dwbi'

'i have a wish no one on the smp is prepareed for' oh no.

'it kinda transformed into its own, evil throne room' yeah ok thats perfectly normal. sure. vaults always turn into evil throne rooms. thats normal.

whats your plan viking. viking whats your plan

oh no hes gonna set legundo and fix againsteach other. i cant wait

lmao their concern over his laughs. dw guys hes just a silly lil guy. a buddy. not a murder ghost at alll

my new skrunkly is going insane. good for him

oh. good noises.

i love his evil laugh.

he got the carpet echest thing from tango!!! :D

for the record i am a tango tek enjoyer. he is my Guy tm

taneesha jumping around. bouncies.

LEGUNDO JUST SHIVERING. THE ENTIRE TIME

'the queen doesnt scare me' sir. poor move. probably.

YOU DO NOT FEAR THE VOID? THE ALL CONSUMING NOTHING? THE ETERNAL DARK?

oh. oh he just wants his memories back. hm what is going on here.

'i dont want to be a ghost forever. its lonely' ow. ow

viking the puppetmaster.... pulling the strings of chaos

finale time. oh god. im not ready actually

the PODIUM..... my god

JAMIE NO

'THIS MIGHT BE REALLY BAD' yeah the queen just got possessed by the void and flew off with the egg. and you think it MIGHT be bad???

'for chaos to be fun theres gotta be a world left' yeah. true

IT WORKED IT WORKED IT WORKED IT WORKED

he got nuggies!!!!

'nothing could possibly go wrong' legundo said, before everything went wrong

oh shit. ok. yeah ok that was. shitt

conclusion: viking dominionsmp is a pathetic wet rag and also a catboy who deserves to Kill. i fucking love this smp

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

[bunnyofnegativeeuphoria]

Prompt Fill: “Cold”

I’m what they like to call not a clown but the entire circus. I’ve managed to delete one of the asks by accident, but rest assured I did see an anonymous prompter wish for “cold” or something to that effect...

Dear reader, it’s 3,3K words, so here we fucking go, lads.

Islanders

Cleaned up and now also on Ao3

“A room and a bath,” Geralt says without even glancing at the barman, attention fully on the precious cargo in his arms.

“Hang on, Witcher, you can’t just–”

“You’ll get your coin,” he grits through his teeth, “but whether your head is still attached to your neck when you do is for you to decide. Room and a bath. Now.”

A key lands on the countertop. 

“Upstairs and second door on the right.”

 The man shouts to someone behind himself. “Ilde! Hot water for the Witcher, sharpish!” 

“Geralt?” 

His senses turn from the foul stench of old ale and unwashed bodies and funnel inwards towards the shape of Jaskier. His bard moans softly and leans an icy forehead against Geralt’s neck. 

“Hmm?” Geralt murmurs against Jaskier’s hair.

“C-cold.”

He reeks of misery, sharp and undeserved. A great shiver runs through Jaskier, and Geralt tightens his hold around him.

“Cold water will do,” he grunts at the barman.

“But–”

“As fast as you can,” Geralt says, grabbing the key and making for the stairwell.

***

Casting igni in the direction of the hearth, Geralt lays Jaskier out on top of a humble straw mattress and begins to undress him. There’s no cloak, and the fool’s doublet is wet through. It refuses to budge, but Geralt has one ear turned towards Jaskier’s heartbeat and doesn’t hesitate to rip apart the fabric to get to skin. It’s paler than it should be and cold to the touch – cold where on any other day it is warmth itself. His bard gravitates towards sources of heat like a stable cat to an opportune sunbeam, and to exist in his orbit is a blessing greater than any coin Geralt has ever earned. 

The ruined doublet hits the floor with a squelch. Geralt moves to grab Jaskier’s breeches, but a shaking hand stops him.

“I-I r-rather lik-ked that ‘n,” Jaskier says, looking if anything even more unhappy than before. 

His pulse spikes, and worry roils in Geralt’s gut. 

“Doublets are replaceable,” he says. He spares a quick squeeze to Jaskier’s fingers before pulling the breeches and boots off in one desperate, inelegant action.

Jaskier is not a small man, but now, sad and shivering on the cusp of blue-tinged infirmity, he hunches and curls, reducing himself. Geralt misses his all-encompassing business. 

“In here,” comes a voice from the hallway, followed by what looks like the barman and his entire family. Two boys roll a tub in and settle it in front of the fireplace, and the others empty several buckets worth of water into it. 

“More, go on,” Ilde says, and the troop leaves as quick as they come, casting wary glances at Geralt’s swords as they go. 

“W-we’ll h’ve t-to p-pay more,” Jaskier says.

Geralt frowns and throws a threadbare blanket on top of him, inadequate and dusty though it is. 

“If they get the rest of the water within the minute, they can have double.”

“Not double. They’ll ch-cheat you. Always d-do.” Jaskier clasps at the blanket. His hands, normally so clever and expressive, jerk with exhaustion and looming danger. “Not-t worth it.”

“Let me account for what value I keep,” Geralt says. “Not hush. You have to conserve energy.”

Geralt sits down and takes a hold of Jaskier’s hands.

“W-what?”

“Shh.”

He wraps his giant paws around Jaskier’s hands, feeling wiry strength and a lifeline beneath the cold. Pressing his lips to the gap between his own thumbs, he blows warm air into the space between them. When he looks up after the third blow, he finds Jaskier looking at him. He smells less scared now. There’s a thought dancing on the tip of the bard’s tongue, but Geralt gives him a quelling look.  

“Right,” Ilde says from the doorway, and buckets follow with the kind of efficiency born of a strong desire to done and elsewhere. In less than a minute they are alone once more, door closing with a firm press. 

A steady stream of controlled fire erupts from Geralt’s hand, and he guides it across the surface of the tub until steam rises like from Roach’s back when she’s been safely put to bed in a warm stall after a day of cold and damp. The water ripples as he tests the temperature.

“G-Geralt?” Jaskier is sitting up, blanket having dropped to the ground. “C-can I?”

“Hmm,” Geralt says. Jaskier’s heartbeat has yet to settle, but his lips have lost their frosty stiffness. Though dry and cracked, they look pinker and plumper than before. “It’s all for you.” 

Gathering Jaskier in his arms once more, he hurries to the tub. He lowers Jaskier as well he can, but when they break the water’s surface–

“Ow,” Jaskier hisses. “Ow, G-Geralt.”

“I’m sorry, but you have to–”

“Hurts,” Jaskier presses, turning his face into Geralt’s neck with the same blind faith as he had when Geralt had come across him only an hour earlier, sodden and lost on the mucky road to the northern realms. His face, however, is not defiant or proud. This is a quiet pain, and Geralt aches in a place he had long thought broken beyond the repair of all charity. 

“I know. Shhh. Hold on to me,” he says. “All in one go.” 

Hands tighten weakly around his arm, and then he sinks Jaskier into the tub.

He doesn’t yell.

He doesn’t yell, but he does whimper – small and vulnerable and a thousand leagues beneath the surface of what he is entitled. 

Geralt pulls his arms away.

“D-don’t g–”

“I’m not.”

Stripping down with stern efficiency, Geralt gets in the tub himself, taking care to not jostle Jaskier. Water spills over the side as he guides Jaskier against his chest, making sure to move his medallion so the sharp angles of the wolf’s head don’t do him harm. It is cramped, and he settles in to cover as much of Jaskier’s surface area with his own body. They sit with their knees bent and peaking out of the water like make-believe islands – an archipelago of muscle and bone.

“How are you feeling?”

Jaskier breaths deeply and leans his face against Geralt’s shoulder. 

“Like I’m b-being poked by a h-hundred n-needles.” 

Geralt draws an arm around Jaskier’s chest, using his other hand to cover one of Jaskier’s knees. 

“Rest.”

“I-I’m so...I shouldn’t h-hav–”

He shakes his head. Jaskier must feel it for he falls silent again.

“Rest.”

***

Jaskier falls asleep in the tub with Geralt wrapped around him like a giant octopus from out of a Skelligan skald. The rhythm of his heart gradually calms to his regular song – almost bird-like by Geralt’s reckoning. Twice he warms the bathwater, content to let his meditation be guided by the measure of Jaskier’s recovery. He wills his own warmth to seep from his skin and through Jaskier’s, and if something else should flow with it, then he reckons he is far too old to be duplicitous now. 

“You needn’t stay on my account.”

Geralt looks down into the wild blue yonder.

“Do you want me to go?” he asks.

The thought sits awkwardly in him, pinching with the discomfort of new shoes. 

“I want you to do what you want to do.”

“Jaskier–”

“Stay,” Jaskier says on the wave of a quiet exhale. Geralt watches the word’s traces whisk across the water and sends a small flicker of flame after it. Steam rises once more, and Jaskier sighs, and it sounds acceptably content.

“How are you feeling?”

“Much better. On the whole, practically divine.”

There’s a snobbish artfulness to Jaskier’s tone now, and Geralt allows himself the press of a smile against Jaskier’s hairline. 

“Better or worse than a weekend with the Countess de Stael?”

“Darling, must you? I’ve quite reached my limit with humiliation for today.” There’s a tightness to his lips as Jaskier speaks, and Geralt frowns.

“Will you tell me why you were on the road, no cloak or lute to be seen?” 

Jaskier looks down, and his scent turns abruptly with embarrassment, smelling faintly like something is burning. 

“I suppose I’ll have to tell you.” He looks up with a tinge of defiance in his eyes, but it’s no hardship for Geralt to keep looking at him. “But you’ll have to earn it first.”

“Oh?”

“Wash my hair?”

There is life in his cornflower blues again, and that is reward enough for any challenge. Without a word, Geralt gets up and out of the tub. Water drips all over the creaky floorboards as he makes for the saddlebags brought up by one of the boys. His nose guides him to a bottle of oil scented with mild lavender, and he picks up a cup on his way back to Jaskier. 

With pink-tinged cheeks, Jaskier watches him climb back in behind him.

“I didn’t mean–”

Geralt huffs. 

“Yes you did. Hush.”

Cup in hand, Geralt guides Jaskier’s head into a tilt and scoops water over his hair, using his other hand to block the water from running into the bard’s eyes.

“You know, telling me to hush really isn’t as charming as your dour self might imagine.”

“Try sitting quietly in the knowledge of being,” Geralt says, feeling his lip twitch with the sort of maddening lack of control that eases into existence whenever Jaskier is around.

“Unbearable. Take that back.”

“Close your eyes.”

Jaskier closes his eyes immediately, and Geralt finds he has to swallow past all his want at the blatant display of trust. He spills some oil into his palms and wonders if Jaskier would let him do this if he knew the true shape of Geralt’s heart. Whole kingdoms believe it to be nonexistent or at the very least shrivelled and decaying. Jaskier thinks different. If he is to be believed, Geralt’s heart is like a honeyed bun – warm and dripping with a sweetness that Geralt knows was exterminated the second he saw Kaer Morhen rise in front of his too-young eyes. Little does Jaskier know that if you were to open Geralt’s chest and break it open past ribs and sinew and hold his heart, you would find it alternatingly smooth like silk chemises and rough with fingertip callouses, beating a rhythm to whatever tune it pleases. 

“Are you alright, darling?”

Jaskier has tilted his head back even further to look at him nearly upside down.

“Sorry,” Geralt mutters, hurrying to start to run his hands through Jaskier’s hair. It is brown and short and soft to the touch. With every turn of his hands, he washes away the smell of Jaskier’s hurt and replaces it with lavender and his own touch.

“Did I say divine before? I must have lost my wits. This is my religion.”

Geralt feels a chuckle rumble up his throat and into the still bedroom air. Eyes closed again, Jaskier seems to settle in on his own terms, and Geralt is more than happy to let him.

“Did you know there was an inventor from the southern continent – further south even than Nilfgaard – who discovered the measurement for density by sitting in a bathtub?”

Jaskier prattles on about mathematics and science and a man running naked down cobbled streets, and Geralt lets the sound of his voice cleanse him of all worries. He finishes washing Jaskier’s hair, and rinses it with the cup. Afterwards, he gathers more oil and settles his hands across Jaskier’s shoulders. There’s a hitch in Jaskier’s throat as Geralt begins to gentle the oil into soft, pale skin.

“G-Geralt?”

Geralt frowns.

“Are you cold again?”

“No.” Jaskier’s voice sounds small.

“May I continue?”

Jaskier’s chest expands with a visible breath.

“Please,” he says, shoulders gaining a healthy dusting of pinkish glow. He starts talking again when Geralt continues to oil his skin, Jaskier moving on to a fevered and slightly panic-tinged monologue about the Cintran sonnet form.

Jaskier’s body is strong beneath him. His skin bears only a few scars from youthful mishaps and a characteristic refusal to be left behind. There is one running length of his back that he earned as a boy slipping down a rocky hill. Another – much smaller – has nicked his ear from when he did not move fast enough away from a drowner’s grasp. Geralt remembers tending to the wound in a furious silence, and he also remembers the apologetic look of abject misery that trailed him for a full week thereafter. It is the longest he has ever heard Jaskier be quiet, and he is grateful the bard has never again felt cause to curb his words in his presence.

I love him, Geralt thinks. 

It’s not the first time he’s thought it, and he knows it will not be the last. He will carry the knowledge with him for however many centuries he may have left, and he will die with its truth glowing in every part of his body – an idea so well lived and nurtured that when his rotting corpse becomes earth once more around him will grow a ring made of dandelions and buttercups.

They have bathed together many times, but though Jaskier washes him after practically every monster fight, Geralt has until now not had the opportunity to return the favour. In the beginning he had no desire to. After that he had no cause to. Now, as he watches Jaskier’s nervous energy dispel at every gentle touch of Geralt’s hand, he thinks that perhaps he’s never needed more cause than that he wishes to. 

Geralt may not have as much experience as Jaskier when it comes to bathing another person, but he finds it comes easy when he thinks of how Jaskier bathes him. He thinks of Jaskier’s hands on him, soothing touches on bruised skin – careful even when minor wounds have long healed. He thinks of clever fingers massaging his neck and back. He thinks of timid motions turning methodical with confidence for every evening spent plucking endrega entrails out of white hair. At Jaskier’s waist, Geralt’s hands still. He thinks of – he thinks of how he himself has only ever given impersonal washes to his brothers, cleaning the necessary wounds and skirting quickly past the groin to everyone’s better happiness. He thinks of two nights ago – on the cusp of their yearly parting – how Jaskier had cleaned his thighs, his hips, the vee of his abdomen… 

He thinks of Jaskier with a washcloth, strong with tender caress between Geralt’s fingers – between Geralt’s toes. 

He thinks of the care and acceptance that saturates every action. 

He thinks Jaskier certainly deserves it. He deserves to have the same love – for love he now realises it is – reflected back at himself with as much willingness and devotion. And for that reason alone he shall have it.

Jaskier’s left knee has a thick scar on it from when he tried to ride Roach without permission and she dumped him in a field.

“Darling? Your face looks very Geralt-y.”

He looks to see Jaskier’s face inches from his own.

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“Brooding? Plotting? Dreaming? I haven’t the foggiest. What are you thinking about?”

“I think our knees look like islands.”

Silence falls save for the occasional sound of a drop of water hitting the now tepid bath and the comforting crackle of the fireplace. Geralt feels Jaskier’s toe twitch next to his own before he shifts, leaning back against Geralt’s chest, and raises his leg straight up into the air.

“I suppose that makes our leg hairs the islanders,” Jaskier says in such perfect sincerity. 

Geralt swallows.

“Where is your lute?”

He feels rather than hears Jaskier’s sigh as he puts his leg back into the water.

“Hopefully still back at the Squealing Pig.”

For a second, Geralt is stunned.

“Wh–”

“I left it–”

“On purpose?” 

Geralt doesn’t think his eyebrows could rise any higher if he willed them to.

“Of course not! Well, perhaps. Not really, though. It’s hard to explain.”

“Explain.”

“You left.”

As if in agreement, they both pause to let that short truth hang in the air like a brightly coloured flag. 

“I left because it’s winter. We always part for winter.”

“I know.”

“You even hugged me goodbye and waved me off.”

“I know.”

“You–”

“I know.” Jaskier digs his forehead into Geralt’s clavicle so hard it hurts, but Geralt finds he has no intention to ever ask him to move. “I know I did, and then I woke the next day, and you were gone, and I felt like something was missing, and then I forgot my lute and my bag and my cloak, and I set off after you.”

There’s a warmth brewing beneath Geralt’s skin, and it ignites at every touchpoint shared between them. 

“And then it snowed,” he says.

“And then it snowed,” Jaskier says, “and it was too late to go back, but I didn’t have my cloak, and I didn’t have my lute so I could play my way to a room. So I kept walking, but it was so cold, and I got lost, and then…”

I love him, Geralt thinks.

“And then you fell asleep in the woods,” Geralt says.

Jaskier rests his hand over Geralt’s heart.

“And then you found me,” he says.

“And you scared me half to death,” Geralt says. 

“And here we are.”

“Hmmm,” Geralt sounds and does not know what to say. Words leap out of Jaskier like pufflballs in a summer breeze, scattering dandelion seeded meaningfulness all across the northern continent. He doesn’t know what to say, and so he gentles his hand down Jaskier’s side, curls his legs up more, and brings Jaskier even closer to him. Jaskier gasps into his neck as Geralt settles him in his lap, and then – slowly, tentatively, achingly – arms come around Geralt’s shoulders. Geralt turns his head and nudges Jaskier’s nose with his own, their foreheads resting together in a pleasure so perfect that where he to die in the morning he would do so with the knoweldge that he knew the touch of happiness. 

Hands caress through his hair and cup the side of his face, a thumb stroking back and forth over his cheek, and he can feel it’s well pruned from the water. Jaskier gasps again, almost as if on a sob, but no tears come.

“Geralt, I–” he croaks, faltering as he draws the knuckles of his right hand up and down Geralt’s neck. “Geralt, I think you’re the most magnificent…” 

He tightens his arms around Jaskier and feels his every breath dance across his lips. 

“I think you’re the most magnificent person I’ve ever met. You’re–” Jaskier laughs and shakes his head so their foreheads rub together. “Geralt, I don’t even have the words, I–”

“I do,” Geralt says.

Jaskier blinks.

“Y–you do?”

I love him, Geralt thinks.

“I love you,” Geralt says, not for a second looking away from Jaskier’s face so that he may see the hope, the surprise, and the happiness write themselves across him like an open book. And here they come, and there they go, and here love is to stay. 

Jaskier makes a noise – relief and desperation all in one – and then cracked lips are on his own, and Geralt kisses back. He kisses soft, he kisses gentle, and he kisses joy. 

“You really did know what to say,” Jaskier laughs.

“Mmm,” Geralt says, kissing him again. 

Jaskier cups his face between both hands. 

“Dear heart, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you,” he says and draws breath as if to continue on forever and ever. 

Geralt kisses him one more time, feeling Jaskier’s lips curve up into a helpless smile.

“Not the most complicated rhyme scheme you’ve ever come up with, my lark,” he murmurs. 

“Darling,” Jaskier laughs, “I’ll write you so many songs.”

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