#nor should i do it with anemia

[gameshowghozt]

i just played beat saber for four consecutive hours

i think my knees might give out

[luceafarul-de-dimineata]

~Lucy Dulap (my whb mc) introduction~

Backstory:

After their parents die at age 10, Lucy gets adopted by the Kim family. Minhyeok was 13 when the incident accured and he was the closest thing Lucy has to a friend. Lucy became very dependent on him, not being able to stay alone in a room without Minhyeok in it as well. Since Lucy was just begining middle school when their parents died, they never became friends with anyone, being a socially ackward recluse.

At 13 years old, Lucy found some of Minhyeok's older brother's erotica and started reading it to try and cope in other ways than staying around Minhyeok 24/7. This evolved into a porn dependency where Lucy would constantly look for more of it, and harder and darker version of it.

While cleaning his search history, Minhyeok notices the worrying amount of stepcest fanfictions Lucy was consuming and he realised that they might have a crush on him. Feeling extremely guilty and disgusted by this, he tries very hard to push Lucy into communicating with people outside of him and their school mates.

Since Lucy used to do acting when they were little, Minhyeok always encouraged them to get back into it, so Lucy decided to get into debating and public speaking. Lucy always found it easier to talk with people on stage than to actually try and have a conversation with them. Every time someone showed interest in Lucy, she would feel very uncomfortable and run back into Minhyeok's arms.

Main story:

When Lucy turned 18, Minhyeok was trying to think of ways to make them socialise more and become more independent, but Lucy took that as Minhyeok wanting to get rid of them.

Trying to soother their nerves, Lucy turned to their only source of comfort other than their brother, porn. While trying to masturbate in peace, Gabriel showed up and tried to murder Lucy. And if it weren't for their pesky older brother and Satan he could have pulled it off.

Satan brings Minhyeok back from the dead and takes Lucy to Hell to save the world. When Sitri kisses Lucy forcefully, they slap him over the face hard and glare at him with discust and fear. Didn't work, Sitri got it as a compliment.

While the gang was walking through Gehenna, Lucy fainted. They were rushed to Paradise Lost imidiately where Gamigin was placed as their head doctor. When he got close to them to try and use his powers, Lucy weakly raised their hand and caressed Gamigin's face, whispering "pretty boy" before fainting back.

Gamigin.exe has stopped working. He heals Lucy but stays around them for a bit longer to make sure they're fine. When he realises that Lucy isn't a demon nor an angel, but a human he starts to freak out. He's so excited to meet a human for the first time.

Gamigin says that Lucy was diagnosed with anemia and that they need at least two weeks of medical survailence to make sure they're all fine. If any of the other healers in Paradise Lost try to get close to Lucy's room he blocks it and reasures them that he can take care of it. They still barge in and introduce themselves to the infamous child of Solomon.

Gamigin spends most of his time with Lucy just talking. Gamigin loves how good of a listener Lucy is and how attentive they are to details. Lucy is just confused as to why someone would want to talk with them all of a sudden. They stayed quiet for the most part, but Gamigin was used to quiet people.

At some point, Buer pulls him over and tells him that he's scaring the hoes with how loud he is and that he should try being a bit less excited around Lucy since they were probably very confused by the whole situation. But when Gamigin went inside their room to try and act less like himself, Lucy pushed three CDs to his chest.

Lucy: I heard you like dragons... I like dragons as well due to these movies... wanna watch them with me?

Gamigin: YES!

They watched the "How to train your dragon" trilogy and they both started obsessing over the films. Buer would have to tell them that it's late and they should both go to sleep because they never stopped talking about the movies.

After the two weeks went by, Satan started demanding that Lucy be returned to Gehenna so they can continue their objective. But neither Gamigin nor Lucy wanted to get seperated, so Gamigin ran to Lucifer and begged to be let outside of Paradise Lost, to be able to acompany the child of Solomon in their quest. It started off as a no, but after seing how Lucy and Gamigin cryed after being seperated, Lucifer let Gamigin out of the country for the first time. Lucifer sent a threat to every other king warning them that if Gamigin gets hurt in any way, he will take it as a war invitation.

Gamigin's quest is to see the world and learn more about the different cultures and people of Hell while making sure that Lucy stays alive and well. Now, two people that have never gone outside their comfort zones, Lucy and Gamigin, need to tackle the task of breaking contracts with all of Hell.

Lucy and Gamigin start dating imidiatly and they learn how a healthy relationship is supposed to be like on the go.

When Lucy gets kidnapped by Leviathan, Gamigin is the first to burst down the door of the castle and demand that they be freed. When Valefor and Bimet arrive, they already find Lucy and Gamigin trying to barter with the Hades crew.

Themes:

For every country, Lucy has to learn an important lesson about adulthood:

In Gehenna, they learn how to be assertive and make sure their needs are met. I think Sitri in particular would ignore Lucy's requests to not be called by Solomon's name. Lucy finally snapped at some point and told Sitri that if he doesn't stop, they'll never come back to Gehenna. Being able to say no is something Lucy struggles with and an experience in Gehenna would be a great way for them to learn that.

In Tartaros, Lucy understand that they are talented and wanted. Not only with Mammon making them his master, but with everyone in Tartaros being impressed with their attentiveness and marketing abilities. Bimet specificly enjoys discussing future ad campains with Lucy since they always provide good feedback.

In Hades, the lesson is how to live with trauma and how to overcome some of the chalanges that come with being a trauma survivor. Both Lucy and Leviathan learn this lesson simultaniasly and they both start forming a sort of parent-child relationship. They don't love eachother, but they don't hate eachother either. It's complicated and they're still figuring it out.

In Abyssos, they learn what their limits are. Gamigin learns to loosen around alcohol and drugs and Lucy learns that they have absolutely no tolerance for either. Even though Beelzebub's the king of gluttony, the last think he wants is Lucy dying from an overdose he encouraged.

In Niflheim, they learn how to prevent burn out and how to control high stress situations. Since Lucy participates in a lot of extra curriculum activities, they tend to get overwhelmed with work and in this part of the story they learn how to stick to a scheduel and actually relax.

In Abaddon, Lucy learns how to suck cock how to maintane a romantic relationship. This is where Gamigin and Lucy realised they never kissed and they struggle to do it because it needs to be perfect since its their first time.

Design:

I can't draw so you have to settle for picrews

Lucy's mom used to braid their hair in the front and now they do it every day as a show of respect for the dead. They tend to wear very fancy clothing, usually black or white, and a loose tie that used to belong to their father. Has a thing for star patterns and only wears earings with a star shape.

General facts (should have probably put this first):

Name: Lucy Dulap

Gender: Non-binary

Age: 18 (11th grade)

Nationality: Romanian (of course)

They can speak Romanian and English fluently and they do French as a hobby. Speaks a bit of Korean but only knows common words like please, thank you and big brother.

Plays Pokémon Showdown religiously and even won a small online turnament. Pokémon is a special interest of theirs and they really want to participate in a regional championship.

They want to become a zoologist because they love looking at animals existing in their natural habitat. A bit scared of having to learn latin for that.

[whocookedthelastsupper]

“With woman's every natural function seen as a life-threatening crisis, the rational scientific male could not repose much confidence in such a frail vessel. Woman, it now emerged under the scrutiny of pseudo-biology, was a creature hopelessly fragile not only in body, but above all in what the craniologists had grudgingly conceded her by way of mind. Nervous disorders and mental instability were her lot, but there could be no hope of remedying her deficiency in the little gray cells by education: any learning for young ladies risked "excessive stimulation" to their feeble mental parts and was incalculably dangerous. The philosopher Herbert Spencer, previously savaged by Carlyle as "the greatest ass in Christendom" for his part in the evolution debate, was foremost among those who took it upon themselves to trumpet the ill-effects of "brain-forcing" upon young women: diathesis (nervousness), chlorosis ("green-sickness" or anemia), hysteria, stunted growth and excessive thinness were the least they, should expect if they so much as touched a copy of Catullus. Nor was this all. Overtaxing the brain, Spencer warned, "produces... flat-chested girls: consequently those who "survive their high-pressure education” could never "bear a well-developed infant."

Spencer was not the only man of his time to fear that the price of rescuing women from their "natural" ignorance would be "a puny, enfeebled and sickly race." Yet the creature who was too weak-minded even to be educated out of it, could hardly be deemed fit for anything else. Women's imputed physical and mental frailty thus became the grounds for refusing her any civil or legal rights, indeed any change from the "state of nature" in which she dwelt. As late as 1907, an English earl blocked a bill to allow women limited and local voting rights in these terms:

“I think they are too hysterical, they are too much disposed to be guided by feeling and not by cold reason, and... to refuse any kind of compromise. I do not think women are safe guides in government, they are very unsafe guides.”

The speaker was suppor wider another of the leading lights of the British aristocracy in the is der terms of naked masculine self interest: “What is to be feared is that if we take away the position which voman has hitherto occupied, which has come to her from no arich cil education but from nature, if we transfer her from domestic into political life... the homes and happiness of every member of the the homes and happiness of every member of the community will be worsened by the transference." Although plainly not overburdened himself with "artificial" or any other kind of education, his lordship was quite clear on the main point at issue: any attempt by women to escape from their enforced inferiority could only damage the fabric of society, and must therefore be resisted.

Yet for a state of nature, women's lowly status and civil death took a good deal of social and cultural force to maintain. Along with the revolution of industrialism and the victory of science over common sense and reason, the nineteenth-century law became the third and most openly oppressive of the enemies of female emancipation.

Nowhere was this process more blatant than in France, where the Code Napoléon was hailed as the most advanced legal monument of its age; history does not record whether this enthusiasm was in ignorance or in recognition of the fact that this was the most comprehensively repressive package of legislation against women of all time. Under the ancien régime, married women had enjoyed wide free-doms, control over their own property, and an influential place in their community, rights that the Revolution had only widened, by facilitating divorce, for example. Now, in his determination to rebuild the laws of France on a Roman, or rather Corsican, moral base, Napoleon firmly legislated to ensure woman's total subordination to man, and her slavish obedience to all his wishes.

There can be no doubt of the personal edge on Napoleon's legislative blade. "Women should stick to knitting," he informed the son of Madame de Staël, who, whatever else, was not famous for her skill with the needles. Napoleon's attitude to women consistently betrayed such narrow, reactionary, crude and sexist views, along with the determination that just as he was to be sole authority in the state, so every male should have total control over his family. Pushing his "reforms" through the council of state Napoleon pronounced, “the husband must possess the absolute power and right to say to his wife, Madam, you shall not go to the theater, you shall not receive such and such a person; for the children you will bear shall be mine.” Equally, every woman "must be made to realize that on leaving the tutelage of her family, she passes under that of her husband."

To this end, the Code Napoléon equipped every husband with extraordinary, unprecedented, indeed despotic powers. He could compel his wife either to reside in or to move to any place he decreed; everything she ever owned or earned became his; in divorce, he kept the children, the house and all the goods, for she had no right in their common property; in adultery, she could be sent to prison for up to two years, while he escaped scot free. Frenchwomen had been better off in the Dark Ages than they were after Napoleon's Civil Code became law in 1804. Their modern tragedy was to be repeated with a Greek inevitability in countless other corners of the globe as the new model code, along with the metric system, swept most of the civilized world.

Yet even as the forces of patriarchy were vigorously regrouping within these very structures of oppression lay the seeds of their eventual defeat. The revolution of industrialization made women's search for a new identity and purpose both urgent and inescapable, it had also unwittingly put into her hands the means by which to achieve it. The very success of the Industrial Revolution in creating wealth, created also the idle wife as the badge of her husband's social succes. The production of surplus goods and surplus money led inevitably to the production of surplus women. It created, too, a concept entirely new in historical terms, the idea that women should be entirely supported by men. Large numbers of the females of the rising bourgeoisie thus found themselves lodged in a limbo somewhere between china doll and household pet, relegated to the classic "little woman" role still recognizable today. Deprived of work and significance, the idle wife was offered instead the newfangled flummery of Mrs. Bee-ton's "domestic arts"" Emily Post on etiquette, and The Language of Flowers.

As time went on, however, "this strange masculine aberration that required women to be useless." in the words of historian Amaury de Riencourt, "proved to be a mistake of the first order": "the historical record shows that women, one way or another, always have to be at the center of things and will not for long stand being made idle or put on the shelf." This enforced inactivity gave the "lady of leisure" the time to question her enervating and demoralizing lifestyle, her dependence on her man for money, status and meaning. When this brutally stupid and unnatural way of life was also forced down women's throats as the highest form of existence any female could hope to attain, the conflict between what life was and what it was supposed to be eventually became unmanageable.

At the other end of the scale, the working woman had no leisure question her lot. Wholly subject to her lord and master, she groaned under the newly emerging "double burden" of working full-time by day, and carrying out the full load of all the household chores in whatever time was left at night.”

-Rosalind Miles; Who Cooked The Last Supper?; Women’s History of the World

[lillatorg]

that face, by which he could command

I read somewhere that it is fine to post meta about your stories. In this chapter, we get to learn more about dear, beautiful, not-alright Porsche. I adore the idea of a manipulative Porsche playing everyone (including Kinn). The inevitable fall will be so much more devastating. I can't wait.

So, here are the researchy things I looked up this week.

"Two weeks." Inaccurate. This region didn't adopt the Gregorian/solar calendar until the 1800s so we are a couple centuries away from using terms like "week." I believe that the correct term would be "lunar quartile," but that sounds neither historical nor easy to parse. Thus, weeks.

Porsche's illness. Lead poisoning (also called saturnism/plumbism) from the bullet wounds. Characterized by anemia and GI issues. I've left out the GI issues for obvious reasons and kept the anemia because Porsche should faint into Kinn's arms as much as possible.

The cure. Nebulous and likely extremely made up. People have in general known that lead is bad since the Romans. I wasn't able to find a history of lead-caused illnesses from this part of the world, but if the Romans knew about them, my guess is the people in this region knew as well, especially circa 1500 years later. Chelation therapy for lead poisoning, however, wasn't studied until the early 20th century. What I will note is that Ayutthaya, the country on which Theerapanyakul is ever-so-roughly based, probably would have had more advanced medicines than its geographic neighbors. But yeah, this is mostly about me wanting Kinn to take care of Porsche as much as possible.

Famine, compromised supply lines, and Porsche's reason for revenge. No historical record of famine in this part of the world at this time. However, pretty much the only way to defeat a mountain kingdom is to go after the supply lines. I think (?) Nobunaga managed to attack a mountain kingdom in Japan around this time period, but he lost over 10k men in the process. So, if the evil compact of city-states decided to do a disservice to their northern neighbors, they would have done it by cutting the supply lines.

Shirts, in that people are wearing them. Probably not, but imagine how distracted Kinn would be if he had to look at Porsche's bare chest all the time!

Hill silver! This was a fun find and actually sort of accurate. Lan Na was more known for its hill silver, while Ayutthaya was more known for its gold. Porsche will soon be covered in Theerapanyakul gold. Kinn won't be able to resist.

[cpunkwitch]

i just wanna point out

to all the people that went in my notes mentioning pots and saying i should get checked for it because my symptoms i experienced with nearly passing out in the shower is similar to what you experience with pots, please stop telling me to check myself.

im literally prof. diagnosed with anemia, i have these symptoms because my iron levels are extremely low. i have no heart issues nor any family history with pots, the chance it have it is incredibly low

telling me to get checked for pots is in no way helpful to my situation, i even expressed on the post i have anemia. you can probably imagine my (mild) annoyance at a bunch of people telling me i might have pots when ive been anemic all my life handling low iron.

im not angry i just wanna point out, especially on a post asking for advice for a solution on a current situation, telling someone they might have the same condition as you because of one overlapping shared experience isnt great. i get the intentions were good, but "hey you might have x, go get checked for it" isnt actually helpful, not right now.

in general its a little annoying being told you might have another condition especially when it just comes from one piece of information alone. i've been on both sides, telling others they might have x like i do, and being told such, either way its not helpful for either party, you dont have the full info and shoulder diagnosing someone isnt okay to do.

yes its nice to tell someone "hey, its possible it could be x, it might be worth looking into in the future" but "hey this one thing sounds more like x than it does y which you already have, get checked for x" is kinda rude.

i hope this is actually making sense

tldr; dont look at one piece of info and tell someone they might have another condition, especially when theyre asking for help with a solution not advice on a condition they've been dealing with already.

im anemic and trying to make showering safer for myself, not looking for more stuff i may or may not have.

[a-skirmish-of-wit-and-lit]

Book Review: The Radium Girls by Kate Moore

Even though this was a harrowing read, I am so glad I picked it up! I'd never heard about The Radium Girls before, which, now, after finishing, seems like an oversight I am happy to have remedied. In fact, I am convinced this is history everyone should know or be taught.

This was the fight, the hallmark case, which helped pave the way for workers' rights and regulations.

The horrors and indignities these women had to suffer through at the hands of corporate greed, at the expense of medical cover-ups and gaslighting, ate a hole through my stomach. It's appalling how many corporate executives, scientists, and doctors knew that radium was dangerous, even deadly in some cases, and not only withheld that information from the dial painters, but refused to put safety precautions into place to protect them from it. And worse, once the girls started experiencing gruesome side effects, suffering from things like jaw necrosis, anemia, or sarcoma of the bone, The Radium Dial corporation would neither admit to liability nor agree to compensation to help offset their medical costs. It truly underscored the notion that workers, especially if they were women, were expendable so long as the company continued to profit.

(Excuse me while I fume about that for the foreseeable future!)

What I found to be so admirable, so courageous, about the Radium Girls is they refused to be silent. They used their voices. They kept shouting until they were heard. They fought for the justice they deserved, saving the lives of countless others in the present and future by doing so.

All in all, I must say I do think this could have been condensed considerably. The descriptions about the girls' prettiness or attractiveness were unnecessary, despite the fact that I appreciated the author's attempt to distinguish one from the other. To me, the most important and impactful part of the book was hearing their stories.

3.5/5 stars

**Follow me on Goodreads

[mathmusic8]

Thought some of you might enjoy this analogy that we talked about in church today <3

(From a speech given by Elder Paul V. Johnson on Oct 1, 2022)

"Our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ, have the power to save us and transform us. They can help us become as They are.

"A few years ago, one of our young grandsons, Aaron, began having health problems. He became fatigued, had quite a bit of bruising, and did not look healthy. After medical testing, he was diagnosed with severe aplastic anemia, a disease where his bone marrow stopped producing red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. Without treatment and an eventual cure, his blood could not clot properly or fight off infections, so even minor falls, injuries, or illnesses could quickly become life-threatening.

"For a period of time, Aaron received regular platelet and blood transfusions to keep him out of danger. The doctors explained that the only cure for the disease would be a bone marrow transplant, and the best chance for success would be to have a sibling as the donor. If one of his siblings were an ideal match, the outcome of the transplant could be lifesaving. His four younger brothers were tested, and one, Maxwell, was deemed a perfect match.

"Even with a perfect donor match, a bone marrow transplant still poses a serious risk of complications. The process required that Aaron’s own cells in his diseased bone marrow be destroyed by a combination of chemotherapy and radiation before receiving the stem cells from his brother Maxwell’s bone marrow. Then because of Aaron’s compromised immune system, he needed to be isolated in the hospital for several weeks and then at home for several months with special protocols, restrictions, and medications.

"The hoped-for outcome from the transplant was that Aaron’s body would not reject the donor cells and that Maxwell’s cells would gradually produce the needed red and white blood cells and platelets in Aaron’s body. A successful donor transplant causes a very real physiological change. Amazingly, a doctor explained that if Aaron committed a crime and left blood at the crime scene, the police could arrest his brother Maxwell. This is because Aaron’s blood would come from Maxwell’s transplanted cells and have Maxwell’s DNA, and this would be the case for the rest of his life.

"Aaron being saved by his brother’s blood has spurred many thoughts about the atoning blood of Jesus Christ and the effect of His Atonement on us. I would like to focus today on the permanent, life-giving change that occurs as we allow the Lord to work miracles in us.

"Aaron did not have the power in himself to overcome the disease. His body could not make the blood cells needed to sustain his life. No matter what he personally did, he could not heal his bone marrow. Just as Aaron could not cure himself, we cannot save ourselves. No matter how capable, educated, brilliant, or strong we are, we cannot cleanse ourselves from our sins, change our bodies to an immortal state, or exalt ourselves. It is only possible through the Savior Jesus Christ and His infinite Atonement. “There is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God" (2 Nephi 31:21). It is His atoning blood that cleanses us and sanctifies us.

....

"We are children of God with a majestic destiny. We can be changed to become like Him and have “a fulness of joy” (Doctrine and Covenants 93:33). Satan, on the other hand, would have us be miserable like he is. We have the ability to choose whom we follow. When we follow Satan, we give him power. When we follow God, He gives us power.

....

"Can you imagine how overwhelming it would have been for our young grandson Aaron to assume he had to understand and perform all the medical procedures associated with his transplant himself? We should not assume we need to do what only the Savior can do in the miraculous process of our perfection.

"As Moroni concluded his record, he taught, “Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, … and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ” (Moroni 10:32). What a comforting and powerful truth! His grace is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient for you. His grace is sufficient for all who “labour and are heavy laden" (Matthew 11:28).

"With medical treatments like Aaron’s, there is always some uncertainty of the outcome. In fact, Aaron needed a second transplant when the first one had complications. Thankfully, with a spiritual change of heart, we don’t have to wonder if it will happen. When we live according to His will, “relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save,” (2 Nephi 31:19) there is a 100 percent guarantee of being cleansed by the Savior’s blood and eventually being perfected in Him. He is “a God of truth, and [cannot] lie" (Ether 3:12).

"There is no question that this process of change takes time and will not be completed until after this life, but the promise is sure. When the fulfillment of God’s promises seems far off, we still embrace those promises, knowing they will be fulfilled.

"The miraculous change in Aaron’s health has brought great joy to our family. Imagine the great joy in heaven as mighty changes happen in our souls."

[winterfable]

Healing the split

Our intellect has created a new world that dominates nature, and has populated it with monstrous machines. The latter are so indubitably useful that we cannot see even a possibility of getting rid of them or our subserviency to them. Man is bound to follow the adventurous promptings of his scientific and inventive mind and to admire himself for his splendid achievements. At the same time, his genius shows the uncanny tendency to invent things that become more and more dangerous, because they represent better and better means for wholesale suicide.

In view of the rapidly increasing avalanche of world population, man has already begun to seek ways and means of keeping the rising flood at bay. But nature may anticipate all our attempts by turning against man his own creative mind. The H-bomb, for instance, would put an effective stop to overpopulation. In spite of our proud domination of nature, we are still her victims, for we have not even learned to control our own nature. Slowly but, it appears, inevitably, we are courting disaster.

There are no longer any gods whom we can invoke to help us. The great religions of the world suffer from increasing anemia, because the helpful numina have fled from the woods, rivers, and mountains, and from animals, and the god-men have disappeared underground into the unconscious. There we fool ourselves that they lead an ignominious existence among the relics of our past. Our present lives are dominated by the goddess Reason, who is our greatest and most tragic illusion. By the aid of reason, so we assure ourselves, we have “conquered nature.”

But this is a mere slogan, for the so-called conquest of nature overwhelms us with the natural fact of overpopulation and adds to our troubles by our psychological incapacity to make the necessary political arrangements. It remains quite natural for men to quarrel and to struggle for superiority over one another. How then have we “conquered nature”?

As any change must begin somewhere, it is the single individual who will experience it and carry it through. The change must indeed begin with an individual; it might be any one of us. Nobody can afford to look around and to wait for somebody else to do what he is loath to do himself. But since nobody seems to know what to do, it might be worthwhile for each of us to ask himself whether by any chance his or her unconscious may know something that will help us. Certainly, the conscious mind seems unable to do anything useful in this respect. Man today is painfully aware of the fact that neither his great religions nor his various philosophies seem to provide him with those powerful animating ideas that would give him the security he needs in face of the present condition of the world.

I know what the Buddhists would say: Things would go right if people would only follow the “noble eightfold path” of the Dharma (doctrine, law) and had true insight into the Self. The Christian tells us that if only people had faith in God, we should have a better world. The rationalist insists that if people were intelligent and reasonable, all our problems would be manageable. The trouble is that none of them manages to solve these problems himself.

Christians often ask why God does not speak to them, as he is believed to have done in former days. When I hear such questions, it always makes me think of the rabbi who was asked how it could be that God often showed himself to people in the olden days whereas nowadays nobody ever sees him. The rabbi replied: “Nowadays there is no longer anybody who can bow low enough.”

This answer hits the nail on the head. We are so captivated by and entangled in our subjective consciousness that we have forgotten the age-old fact that God speaks chiefly through dreams and visions. The Buddhist discards the world of unconscious fantasies as useless illusions; the Christian puts his Church and his Bible between himself and his unconscious; and the rational intellectual does not yet know that his consciousness is not his total psyche. This ignorance persists today in spite of the fact that lor more than 70 years the unconscious bias been a basic scientific concept that is indispensable to any serious psychological investigation.

We can no longer afford to be so God-Almighty-like as to set ourselves up as judges of the merits or demerits of natural phenomena. We do not base our botany upon the old-fashioned division into useful and useless plants, or our zoology upon the naive distinction between harmless and dangerous animals. But we still complacently assume that consciousness is sense and the unconscious is nonsense. I n science such an assumption would be laughed out of court. Do microbes, for instance, ¿make sense or nonsense?

Whatever the unconscious may be, it is a natural phenomenon producing symbols that prove to be meaningful. We cannot expect someone who has never looked through a microscope to be an authority on microbes; in the same way, no one who has not made a serious study of natural symbols can be considered a competent judge in this matter. But the general undervaluation of the human soul is so great that neither the great religions nor the philosophies nor scientific rationalism have been willing to look at it twice.

In spite of the fact that the Catholic Church admits the occurrence of somma a Deo missa (dreams sent by God), most of its thinkers make no serious attempt to understand dreams. I doubt whether there is a Protestant treatise or doctrine that would stoop so low as to admit the possibility that the vox Dei might be perceived in a dream. But if a theologian really believes in God, by what authority does he suggest that God is unable to speak through dreams?

I have spent more than half a century in investigating natural symbols, and I have come to the conclusion that dreams and their symbols are not stupid and meaningless. On the contrary, dreams provide the most interesting information for those who take the trouble to understand their symbols. The results, it is true, have little to do with such worldly concerns as buying and selling. But the meaning of life is not exhaustively explained by one's business life, nor is the deep desire of the human heart answered by a bank account.

In a period of human history when all available energy is spent in the investigation of nature, very little attention is paid to the essence of man, which is his psyche, although many researches are made into its conscious functions. But the really complex and unfamiliar part of the mind, from which symbols are produced, is still virtually unexplored. It seems almost incredible that though we receive signals from it every night, deciphering these communications seems too tedious for any but a very few people to be bothered with it. Man's greatest instrument, his psyche, is little thought of, and it is often directly mistrusted and despised. “It’s only psychological'' too often means: It is nothing.

Where, exactly, does this immense prejudice come from? We have obviously been so busy with the question of what we think that we entirely forget to ask what the unconscious psyche thinks about us. The ideas of Sigmund Freud confirmed for most people the existing contempt for the psyche. Before him it had been merely overlooked and neglected; it has now become a dump for moral refuse.

This modern standpoint is surely one-sided and unjust. It does not even accord with the known facts. Our actual knowledge of the unconscious shows that it is a natural phenomenon and that, like Nature herself, it is at least neutral. It contains all aspects of human nature -light and dark, beautiful and ugly, good and evil, profound and silly. The study of individual, as well as of collective, symbolism is an enormous task, and one that has not yet been mastered. But a beginning has been made at last. The early results are encouraging, and they seem to indicate an answer to main so far unanswered questions of present-day mankind.

--Carl Jung en "man and his symbols"

[snugglebuddyhan]

So, me and my mom have apparently been inhaling carbon monoxide for 2 weeks and didn't know it. Our neighbor had a gas leak in her front yard, knew about it and refused to call the city. If we would have known we would have tried to do something about it. Instead, we were completely unaware of the situation. Our house, especially our windows aren't properly ventilated. It's why our house is so hot during the summer and so cold during the winter

The gas seeped through the windows on the left side of the house, which was near the leak and we were breathing it in everyday for 2 weeks. I showed symptoms of being poisoned first. I was light headed and constantly fighting against the urge to hit the floor and pass out. My head was constantly swimming. It was so bad I wouldn't move the slightest inch unless it was absolutely necessary. I couldn't keep my balance and had to hold onto the walls and other objects to walk even the shortest distances. I was constantly tired no matter how much sleep I got. I had brain fog. I was constantly spaced out. Couldn't concentrate no matter how hard I tried. I was agitated. I dissociated a lot. My vision was blurry and would often come and go. I struggled to get my words out and sometimes couldn't get a coherent sentence to come out of my mouth. I had stabbing ice pick like headaches that radiated to my temples and jaw. The joints in my jaw would sometimes become so painful I couldn't open my mouth or even touch the skin around it without wincing in pain. My eyes were either so heavy they would shut on their own or it felt like they were 20x their actual size at all times. It kinda felt like I was looking at everything with my eyes wide open. My breathing wasn't normal. I had chest pains and heart palpitations. I was nauseous, so I hardly ate and any time I was able to eat it made all my other symptoms worse. My legs felt like they were going to collapse on me at any given time, which made walking even harder. They didn't just feel weak, they also hurt, felt agitated, internally shook and they felt hollow inside. My legs weren't the only part of my body affected by what I called "internal tremors" my whole body would sometimes feel like it was shaking like a leaf. It was so bad I couldn't sleep

I just felt like I was slipping away. I later learned my anemia played a major role in how severe my body responded to the gas. My mom showed symptoms next, a few days after me and bc of that we figured it must be a bug going around. Even thought it might be covid, but neither one of us spiked a fever and then we both remembered neither one of us have left the house in weeks nor had anyone come over. We then started wondering if we were diabetic and just didn't know. We thought maybe we had blood pressure problems. It was just a lot of what ifs and constant google searches, bc we had no idea what was happening to us and we were just trying to make sense of it all

Our symptoms ended up getting worse. To the point we were packing bags to go to the emergency room. Even said we should call my brother to take us, bc we weren't well enough to be behind the wheel. My mom hesitated last second. She didn't want to go despite how bad she felt and I didn't either. Last time we went to the hospital it took around 9 hours before anyone saw us. It was dumb, but we decided to see how we felt the next morning and if we still felt bad then we'd go. When we woke up and got to moving around we both felt better. Our symptoms were still present, but not nearly as bad

Someone ended up knocking on the door. It was one of my moms friends. She went outside and talked to her for about 2 hours and when she came back in she had her hands cupped over her mouth in obvious shock. I asked her what happened. Asked if she was feeling bad again or if it was something to do with what her friend said. That's when she told me about the gas leak our neighbor purposely ignored. We just sat in silence for hours trying to process it all. The city came and dug up her yard while we were asleep. The reason we felt better that morning was bc gas was no longer collecting in our house. What's scary is 3 things

1. Someone our neighbor was friends with died a few days ago. Her name was Lee. She had a heart attack coming from our neighbors house and was previously seen stumbling and falling down 3 times in the street days before she died. She would go over to our neighbors house several times a day everyday to let her dogs out to potty while she was at work as well as do outside and inside chores. Within those days I remember seeing her standing near the leak while the dogs were out on several different occasions. She had no known medical conditions. She was healthy as far as everyone knew and she just dropped dead on her porch. We all thought it was odd, but it all makes sense now. She was exposed to the gas far more intensely than us for the 2 weeks it was leaking. She would damn near be on top of it. If we felt so bad we considered going to the hospital imagine how she felt. The gas caused her to have a heart attack and she would still be alive if our neighbor would have just gotten it taken care of. It was not her time. This is the second person our neighbor has killed

2. Lee would sometimes smoke when she took the dogs out. One flick of her lighter could have taken us all out. We could have died. I can't stop thinking about the way we escaped literal death and the way we didn't even know it was waiting around the corner for us as we just went about doing things normally. It's a terrifying perspective to now have

3. We also could have suffered fatal results from our symptoms. If Lee had a heart attack that means it was only a matter of time before we did too. When I say and I stress this IMMENSELY: if you're feeling so bad you're considering going to the hospital, JUST GO. Do NOT hesitate like we did. Something is obviously wrong otherwise the hospital would be the last thing on your mind. Gaslighting yourself into believing you're okay is what gets you killed. We were lucky. Idiotic, but lucky. Don't be that person who gets by on luck, bc one day it will run out

We're better now. We no longer have symptoms, but it was definitely a traumatizing situation to be in. I can't sleep at night, bc my mind is just wracked full of what could have happened if our neighbor would have waited even one more day to call the city. Would we be dead? It's gut wrenching thinking about your death like that just as much as it is thinking about a person you've known all your life being taken away due to someone; her own friends negligence to a problem she was aware of. Lee didn't have to die. She's gone and she shouldn't be. She should still be here with us

[thebibliosphere]

Would you mind saying what units you are using when you talk about b12, and is it what they call ‘serum vitamin b12’? Because mine was 136ng/L when I finally got tested rather than told it was ALL in my head. They still say it’s mostly in my head. I have tablets now and I think they’re doing *something* but I’m in the UK and docs are reluctant to share/explain numbers b/c there’s no time. Thankyou for all the info and warmth you bring to t’internets.

So the numbers I predominantly use are based on the pg/mL measurement because that's what my current doctor and my doctor in the UK used, and yes, they are based on a serum b12 test.

And unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean about NHS doctors not having the time to explain numbers, or even wanting to. Appallingly, the NHS webpage for pernicious anemia doesn't even list the numbers used for their criteria (if they do I can't f*cking find them!), so I'm going to defer to the MayoClinic lab page which also uses ng/L.

If we look at what is considered "in range range" for b12 in ng/L, 180-914 ng/L is their reference point, which is similar to the ranges used in pg/mL. (250-900pg/mL— though it thankfully looks like the new norm is being upped to 300pg/mL (link) Thank you to @bruciewayneisbatman for providing that screengrab.)

But considering that a serum B12 level test that is less than 180ng/L may cause megaloblastic anemia and peripheral neuropathies (source), I'm going to reiterate my own hematologist and say the allowance for what is considered "low but fine" is too damn generous because this is the exact thing that almost killed me in 2019. (link)

So your levels testing at 136ng/L is not "fine" and nor is it "in your head." You need treatment. Possibly injections to boost you up enough to a point where taking oral supplements can become adequate maintenance or a higher dose of the oral supplement.

I'd also be pushing for them to test for antibodies to intrinsic factor (IFBA / Intrinsic Factor Blocking Antibody, Serum) to identify the cause of such low b12. You could have autoimmune pernicious anemia which is readily treated with regular injections. (Or there could be something else going on! Other health issues and diet can affect b12 levels.)

Which I know is easier said than done, especially with how the NHS has been gutted/postcode restrictions, but I really cannot stress enough how much this isn't in your head and you should be getting better treatment. You deserve better than this.

It was an NHS doctor who originally prescribed me diazepam for my "anxiety" when the b12 level serum test I begged and cried for came back "fine" despite feeling like I was losing my mind/my health was rapidly declining. I asked for the numbers and was told "you don't need them, you wouldn't understand them anyway."

Since having obtained my records from the UK, I now know I was already deficient at that time with a level of 204pg/mL with other glaringly obvious warning signs such as enlarged red blood cells and a worryingly high level of homocysteine, and a lifelong history of iron and folic acid anemia.

All of these were ignored, and I was gaslighted into believing anxiety was my only problem and put on medications I didn't need.

I spent probably over a decade slowly dying from a preventable easily treatable affliction that has left me with neurological damage and a nervous system that's about as stable as a washing machine on a trampoline. That I was only diagnosed after becoming so symptomatic the doctor I saw one day on a desperate last-ditch attempt to get help thought I had cancer is a travesty of malpractice and medical negligence that spans two continents and two vastly different forms of healthcare.

The fact that you are currently getting some form of treatment and it seems to be helping is good. But please, do not be afraid to push for more and for more thorough testing and to have it explained. You deserve competent medical care and to be treated with respect.

Take care, I hope you get the answers you need.

[noodles-and-oodles]

May i request jade, trey, jamil, rook, and lilia with an s/o who freezes up literally (like they freeze the ground, it starts snowing, kinda like elsa) whenever they are nervous or scared? Thank you~

Eeeee, alrighty! Thank you for requesting and I hope this is to your liking <3

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Trey Clover

Trey has often wondered why his s/o’s body temperature always felt like it was sub-zero, but they were never bothered by it. He figured they just had a really bad case of anemia and would always offer his sweaters, scarves, hats, etc anything that would keep you warm

He quickly learned that that wasn’t the case. You’d been particularly stressed about an upcoming test and just moments before the two of you had to part, it started snowing inside the school. Everyone looked around in confusion and Trey could only look at you who twiddled with your thumbs. Were you the one causing this?

When you shakily nod, Trey is stunned momentarily. You explained to him that this happens whenever you were nervous or scared and Trey tries his best to calm you down by saying some soothing words of encouragement, and even hugging you if you need it. He’ll give a sigh of relief when the snow stops, thankful that he managed to calm you down

Since then, whenever it starts randomly snowing or the temperature begins to drop, Trey is on his way to you. Sometimes if it’s real bad, as he gets closer he’ll notice the areas around him have become frosted over with ice and he’ll put some pep in his step to find you quicker

despite your chilly disposition, Trey will always try his best to be there for you. He may even tell ADeuce or even Cater about you so that they can help when he can’t get to you

Jade Leech

Lots of people are pretty nervous around Jade, many are scared as well so he’s not surprised that you fell into one of those categories upon your first meeting

Honestly, when the shift in temperature happens, Jade doesn’t really notice it nor is he bothered by it. The Coral Sea always has temperatures like these so he’s obviously accustomed to a little cold.

It takes him a few moments to remember that this is not the Coral Sea and that this kind of cold coming out of nowhere should be a little alarming. When it starts to snow is when Jade really gets confused, as is everyone else in the vicinity

When you keep apologizing is when Jade becomes interested, what were you apologizing for? Are you perhaps the cause for this random snowfall? Explaining your problem to him, Jade quickly puts two and two together that the only way to stop the cold is to calm you down

As his s/o, you find yourself looking for Jade whenever you feel yourself getting overwhelmed. His presence soothes you in many ways unknown to yourself and Jade is more than happy to have you in his arms for a few moments. Fufu, what would you do without him?

He takes great pride in the fact that he’s the only one who you come to and the fact that the school would surely freeze over had he not been around to calm you

He also tries to keep you warm with his hugs but that doesn’t really work since he’s also a cold blooded creature. The best he can do is to just make you a cup of warm tea or offer you his jacket

Jamil Viper

The two of you were cooking in the kitchen when a group of rowdy students barged in, startling you and the bowl you were holding turned to ice. Jamil was thrown for his wits when seeing the transformation in front of him

You stutter out that you can explain and when you do, Jamil has a hard time understanding. Sometimes it randomly snows? Or what happened to the poor bowl before occurs? And this is normal?

Hailing from a land where it’s constantly hot, seeing snow falling is a foreign experience for him. Especially when the snow is falling indoors so it’ll take him some time to get used to your unique habit

Eventually, Jamil will figure out a way to quickly and effectively calm you down anytime you’re scared or nervous. If candy calms you down he’ll always keep some in his pockets, or maybe you like calm sounds so he’ll see if he can find an MP3 player in the mystery shop

Regarding your cold body, Jamil will always prepare you warm meals and piping hot tea (or coffee if that is your preference). And just know that his wardrobe is open to you at all times ;)

Rook Hunt

In the beginning of your relationship, Rook noticed something a little strange about you as the two of you walked. You were nervous about holding hands with Rook and you wanted to but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it so without realizing, each step you took left behind a patch of frozen ground

When he points it out, your eyes widened and you begin to apologize profusely. It must be pretty weird right? Rook thinks the opposite however!

He finds it interesting and asks what’s triggering it. After telling him you got too nervous about wanting to hold his hand, Rook is over the moon, not even caring that he’s the reason you’re making the ground freeze over

Your cold body doesn’t deter Rook for one second, after all, he is hot blooded himself which makes him the best candidate to be with you. He’s like the perfect heater for you and he’ll gladly keep you wrapped in his arms for however long it takes to make you feel warm and calm

Thanks to the snow, Rook will always know whenever you’re in need of some comforting and will drop everything he is doing in order to find you and help you out

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia has seen many things in his lifetime but he does have to admit, this is the first time he’s ever met anyone like you. The way whenever you’re expression paled, the snow would fall in response to your emotion was always something that impressed him

He does his best to remedy your nerves in many ways. Making jokes to cheer you up, hugs or kisses to comfort you, and maybe even offering to make you your favorite food despite his lack of cooking ability. Anything that will take your mind off of the anxiety that was creeping up on you

He won’t say it out loud but he’s pretty amused by your ability, like, freezing things when you’re nervous? He thinks of it as a pretty rare thing to see, and that’s coming from him, someone’s who has seen pretty much everything the world has to offer

Now whenever it snows, Lilia can’t help but think of you. But he knows when the winter comes, it’ll be difficult to tell the snow apart and he grows just the tiniest bit worried about how he’ll discern the difference between you and Mother Nature. Well, that’s just a bridge he’ll have to cross when you guys come to it

[wooandthesun]

balcony romeo | j. wooyoung

someday down the road i hope to be your romeo • romeo & juliet - peter mcpoland

genre: fluff, angst!!!, neighbours to lovers, university romance, comfort/hurt

pairing: music major!wooyoung x english major!reader (fem)

warning: swearing, mentions of insomnia, mentions of alcohol/substance abuse and trauma regarding alcohol, self-doubt and insecurities, not proofread, might have missed some stuff lmk

summary: it was finally that time of the year: the enrollment of university freshmen, together with the eventual full occupancy of the university's living quarters. everything goes smoothly, that was until you realised a stranger— one out of two of your nextdoor neighbors— shows up on his balcony at ungodly hours.

word count: 5k

__________________________________

chaos.

moving in has felt like chaos upon chaos, fuelled by adrenaline and agitation. you huffed as you placed the last of the gargantuan cardboard boxes on the dull carpeted floor, plopping next to them with your arm slung over its securely taped tops. your head tilted upwards to face the pearl coloured ceiling for a split second before you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping to drive away the dizziness born from exhaustion and giddiness. your roommate walked in seconds after, clicking her tongue and shaking her head as she eyed you.

"i have anemia, also i'm fine," you muttered, throwing her a thumbs up. your eyes shot open for the sole purpose of shooting her a glare. "i am not as weak as you think i am." you added, folding your arms against your chest.

"i never said anything!" she defended, dropping her belongings on one of the twin size beds. she sat down and pointed at the other one that occupied the left side of the room facing the transparent balcony door. "you're taking that one. i'm afraid of glass doors." she clarified.

"look at us, first day in and we're sharing our own set of flaws." you remarked, finally standing up, only to lay back down onto your naked bed. "do you have a partner? should i be worried about.. you know what i mean?" you asked casually. "i mean i wouldn't be worried either way, i'm a very heavy sleeper." you added.

"you have absolutely nothing to worry about," your roommate mocked, rolling her eyes. "i'm aroace— that translates to sexy and untouchable," she flipped her hair dramatically, making you laugh. "i think i should be worried about you, instead, y/n y/l/n." she mentioned, pointing at you.

"i don't know. i came here to study, not to look for suitors." you replied. your roommate threw a pillow at you in response. "what?" you scowled, though playfully.

she kept her mouth shut and squinted at you, signalling 'i'm keeping an eye on you' with two fingers. you groaned, throwing a pillow at her as well, before the both of you laughed and unpacked.

___________________________________

your first week on campus flew by, leaving you no space for entertainment nor any form of socialisation apart from freshmen orientations and getting to know professors. as an english major, you found that university life so far had been nice to you. you couldn't say the same about your roommate, however, who was a stem major.

"a test on the first friday of the school year! they hate us, i swear." your roommate turned best friend spoke, throwing her arms up in annoyance. you chuckled as you unlocked the door, your hair wet and carelessly wrapped up with a towel. as you walked in, you finally got the chance to absorb the room's contents, smiling to yourself as you felt reality sink in. you really were a university student now.

"i'm going straight to bed, sorry. i literally can't right now." your roommate complained, already half-asleep by the time she practically flung herself onto the bed.

"goodnight." you muttered, but instead you were met by soft, tired snores. you shook your head, taking out your laptop and placing it on your desk. you sighed as you turned it on, immediately beginning that day's assignment, although you had time over the weekend to do it. you just felt like finishing it the same day it was assigned, because you were quite sure calm and relaxing weekends were scarce once you delve into university life.

by the time you finished everything, the digital clock on your desk showed 23:05. the night is still young, you thought. you stretched your overworked limbs, standing up to bend your waist from one side to another to get rid of their soreness. you ultimately decided to take a breather on the balcony.

you immediately let out a worn out sigh as your eyes met the pitch black sky. stars scattered the sky like splattered paint, lighting up small sections of clouds like lanterns. deliberately, you plopped yourself onto the bean bag your roommate had supplied for the both of you, taking a deep breath as you did so.

it wasn't until 5 silent minutes that you finally noticed the boy on the balcony next door, pursing his lip in thought as he stared at the ground.

you suddenly felt guilty for not getting to know your neighbours, especially since this was the freshmen's living quarters and you were bound to have to interact with a majority of them at some point. you did meet other freshmen who lived in the same building as you did during orientation, but your conversations were mostly dull and filled with questions about your high school life— which, well, you'd rather forget about.

yet here this boy was, looking sleepy but unwilling to sleep. his gaze was so fixated on the road that he didn't even notice when you moved over to the railing, closer to where he was standing and separated by a gap that measured not more than 40 inches between both balconies. as you reached your destination, you finally got a good look at him: brown droopy eyes, disheveled and swooshy black hair and to top it off, a run-down sweater. you were so preoccupied in examining him that you didn't notice he had diverted his gaze from the ground to you.

"you're staring at an insomniac." he spoke, voice husky and tired. your eyes widened the slightest bit, prompting you to turn to your right to face the sky once again. you could feel his smirk burn through your body. "why are you awake?" he asked. you wanted to ask his name first, because it didn't feel right referring to him as a handsome stranger in your head.

instead, you chose to reply. "i just got some work done. i'm planning on sleeping like a log this weekend." you stated before pressing your lips into a thin line; a half-smile.

"how does sleeping like a log feel like?" he questioned again, yawning mid-sentence. something about his behaviour made you want to give him a bear hug and coo him to sleep. you shook away your thoughts, finding them more absurd than adorable.

"sorry." you replied but the boy waved it off dismissively.

"no, no, i shouldn't have started a conversation by mentioning my key character flaw," he started, almost laughing.

"my key character flaw is that i'm anemic," you chuckled. "my roommate's scared of glass doors." you added, shrugging your shoulders. "character flaws make characters realistic and attractive. no one writes about perfect characters." you finished, only realising you've blurted out what probably sounded like nonsense to him after doing it.

"you an english major?" he asked. you thought he was mocking you, or making a joke out of what you just said, but when you looked at him, his face still expressed innocent interest.

"yeah. you?" you replied promptly.

"music." a hint of a smile surfaced on his lips; the corners of his mouth slightly tilting upwards. you were entranced for a second, mesmerised by the beauty, albeit riddled with a kind of sadness you couldn't fathom. you gave him a smile before speaking.

"that's really cool. my brother studied music too." you admitted. now, you were comfortable enough to lean forward, further engaging yourself in the conversation. your arms were placed atop the railing, dangling off the edge comfortably with your attention focused on none other than his smile.

"yeah?" he beamed.

"he's a music teacher now, at like, an elementary school. he was in a band when he was in high school, and i wondered why he didn't just continue to pursue that, but when he got married and had kids i realised he just really had a gift when it comes to educating and nurturing," you expressed, looking away with a reminiscent smile. the boy, too, smiled in response.

"that's cool. like, seriously, cool." he stated, clearing his throat. "sounds like you're really close with your brother." he added.

"yeah, we are." you answered. mindlessly, you glanced at your watch, surprised to see it blink the digits, 1:00.

"crap, it's late." you stated, hinting that it was time for you to drift into slumber.

"goodnight." the boy replied, waving at you. it seemed like he had no intentions of going to sleep any time soon.

"goo- wait, before that." you cut yourself off. "could i have your name?" you asked hastily.

"wooyoung. jung wooyoung." he spoke, now looking directly at you. you fought the weird feeling arising in your stomach.

"wooyoung, pleasure to meet you. i'm y/n." you stated, forgetting for a second that you were supposed to be asleep. "goodnight, wooyoung." you greeted, waving at him.

"goodnight, y/n." he mumbled in response, finishing off with a hardly noticeable smile.

you walked in and slid the glass door close, your heart beating twice as fast as its regular tempo as you slipped into the covers, unaware that the weird feeling in your stomach was, in fact, butterflies.

____________________________________

weeks passed by, with you occasionally repeating the events of that night again on other nights, having quite interesting conversations with wooyoung, although it did transpire on the balcony which wasn't the most convenient space to have a conversation. you wondered if your roommate had noticed by then, that you'd slip out around midnight after she fell asleep just to talk to a boy. would she be mocking you for the statement you made about not wanting to like anyone? you had no idea.

one night, however, stood out in particular to you.

you were dizzy with adrenaline at 2 am, having finished writing a story for a project you had for your midterm examination. you were pleased, to say the least, with the outcome of your hard labour, and bits of leftover inspiration were still freshly bloomed in the frame of your mind. you nearly cracked your brain finding solutions to try to rake out the remnants of ideas in your head, and ultimately decided to check if wooyoung would be on the balcony that late in the night.

before walking out, you grabbed your knitted blanket and wrapped it around yourself, sheltering yourself from the midnight breeze. you looked ridiculous, but you had gotten beyond comfortable with wooyoung, so much that you really didn't care how you looked like around him anymore.

you expected to see him gazing at the sky as always, but tonight, things were different. you were met with him sitting on the floor with a guitar in hand, patting its body as if he was waiting for someone—you— to appear. when you finally came into his line of sight, his tired eyes lit up like fireworks. he held up the guitar in a display of pride and affection, making you giggle in return.

"sing me a song," you beamed, eyes squinting from the lack of sleep. it seemed like the both of you were in a trance, lost in your own universe.

"that's the whole point," he chuckled, amused to see you so carefree.

a certain stillness took over the atmosphere when he strummed the first few chords, lulling you further into your already present reverie. the sound was sweet, broken and beautiful at the same time. when he began to sing, you felt your blood rush to your face, painting your cheeks pink and flushed. wooyoung glanced at you while he sang, like he meant something, but in your present state, you were only able to catch on to particularly significant words like romeo, juliet and marry. even those three words were enough to make you weak on the knees, despite the fact that you were already sitting down.

he finished with a single strum and you couldn't help but clap for him. he smiled and put the guitar away, looking at you from between the railing. if only you were conscious enough then, you would have seen the glint in eyes. you would have seen the amount of adoration he held for you, and perhaps you might have been able to see him in a light he was most afraid of you seeing him in: vulnerable, fragile, hopeful and stupidly in love.

____________________________________

"hey- woah. where are you heading off to?" you stopped in your tracks as your roommate barged out of the room with a duffle bag in hand, and a childish smile on her lips.

"i'm staying at my parents' this weekend. my grandparents are coming over." her reply was short and excited, as if she could burst out of joy any minute. "my dad's here, and yes, sorry, i forgot to tell you about it! i'll make it up to you when i get back, i promise." she threw her arms around you in a loose hug before she left, waving as she practically hopped away. you chuckled to yourself afterwards and entered the room.

you continued to busy yourself during the day, running errands like the laundry, planning ahead of the week, and you even had time to give your family a call. it was, all in all, a wonderful day, up until nightfall.

you realised, then, that the nocturnal silence was growing scarier by the minute. you processed the events that took place that day, recalling what you had for lunch and dinner and whatever else you did, but after all of that thinking, you felt a little bit empty without anyone occupying the bed across yours, although you wouldn't admit it to your roommate. you sighed, beginning your norm of walking to the balcony in the hopes of finding your neighbour, who'd you helplessly started liking within just a span of a few months.

to your surprise, the balcony was completely void of his presence. you frowned, wondering if he had finally had enough of the countless conversations. you were, once again, engulfed in excruciating silence; one you had no intention of keeping. you were used to ruckus, chaos and noise—and your family was very good with that, given their sociable personalities. perhaps your roommate's presence and the chatter you constantly had with wooyoung filled the emptiness from being away from your family.

all of a sudden, the peacefulness of the night was cut off by a thud and a sound of glass shattering, coming from next door where wooyoung lived. you furrowed your eyebrows in concern, resisting every urge to come up and knock at their door. you could have done that if your roommate was present, but her absence was too strong on you and you felt like you'd crumble if you were met with danger.

silence filled the air once again, this time, it felt almost eerie. you sat on your bed, too freaked out to move. on top of that, you were worried sick about wooyoung. you realised then that you had no idea who his roommate was, and let out a shaky breath when you considered that he could've been unlucky and got an inconsiderate roommate.

your thoughts were cut short by a knock on the door; frantic and out of beat. you rushed to the door, only to be met by wooyoung who practically bolted into your room, sitting down on your roommate's unoccupied bed. you fished out a bottle of mineral water from the box under your desk, sitting on your bed across him to give him space to breathe. his laboured, almost angry breaths eventually turned calm, picking up its regular rhythm. you hesitated to stand up and comfort him, but did so anyway.

"c-can i sleep here?" he asked with a hoarse voice, after taking a sip of the water you handed him. you didn't even think twice before agreeing to it. he looked like he needed it, and whatever just happened next door sounded like he didn't want to return to the place anytime soon. "thank you." he muttered, his voice pitchy. you wanted to ask what happened, but you knew better than to do so.

"if you need anything, just say it. i'll be sleeping over there, okay?" you cooed, brushing his hair out of his face and he nodded in reply. you stood up to turn the lights off, turning on the dusty, circular night light that your roommate insisted on having just in case one of you had a rough night. 'plain darkness isn't good, especially on a bad night, it's suffocating,' she'd say. as you laid on your bed, you silently thanked her in your mind.

a few minutes went by, and you were already falling asleep. you turned to face the wall, all ready to close your eyes and plunge into slumber when you hear wooyoung sobbing out your name. like a light switch, your eyes opened in an instant.

"y/n.." he trailed off, his voice still pitchy. you walked over to him, sitting down at the end of the bed and placing your arm on the blanket where his leg was. he looked at you, wiping away his own tears before he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled you into a hug.

the hug felt like melting ice; the transition of winter to spring. as time passed, you eased into the covers with him, letting your limbs arrange themselves comfortably. wooyoung held your hand against his chest, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles in circular motions to alleviate the pain in his chest. you looked to him and he looked to you.

"better?" you asked casually, although you felt your head spin with nervousness. you were so close to him now.

"yeah, thank you, and sorry." he muttered, watching you. he paused, thinking over his words before spoke. "my roommate came home drunk. he does that sometimes, but he's mostly harmless: stumbles into bed and just falls asleep." he started. you listened intently. "all of a sudden, like, just now, he shows up, wasted again, and he just starts throwing his shit on the floor. he still had a bottle of fucking beer in his hand and he just swings it and it's on the floor all shattered." his voice broke. "it just reminds me so much of.. a family member. freaks me out. not that i was ever hurt or anything but..." he trailed off, unwilling to speak further. silence fell over the both of you, though it felt rather comforting than heavy. your eyes moved from his lips, to his eyes, and then back to his lips.

"it's okay." you said, closing your eyes. you let your other hand travel to his head, entwining his hair in your fingers and combing out the tangled, messy knots. "it's okay, wooyoung." you brought your head closer to his neck, feeling the warmth radiating from his skin. ultimately, you placed your forehead near his cheek, the both of you looking like a yarn balled together. you heard him heave a sigh out of relief, as if releasing all the tension he's had for months.

the two of you fell silent, with your breaths lulling one another into a deep, long anticipated sleep.

____________________________________

you were the first to wake up the next day, in a position that made you blush aggressively. your leg was draped on his, while your arms were wrapped securely around the frame of his body. you were surprised you didn't feel sore at all.

it took you a couple of seconds to realise that your roommate was sitting at her desk with her arms folded, staring at you with an 'i told you so' expression. you pouted, lying back down to feign sleep.

"y/n?" wooyoung mumbled, stirring his body to face you. your eyes signalled towards the direction where your roommate sat. wooyoung slowly turned his head, letting a comical smile slip as he rushed to back away from the bed, only for his back to meet the floor with a thud. you gasped as he toppled over, but your roommate merely stifled a laugh.

"god, i hope nothing happened on my bed." she said, eyeing the two of you. she proceeded to plop a bag containing breakfast treats on top of you. "be my guest. also, explain yourselves." she stated. you pried the bag open, handing wooyoung a breakfast wrap before grabbing one of your own. you recalled the events of last night— of course, excluding the intimate detail he had exposed to you— as each of you munched on your food.

"shit, sorry, wooyoung." your roommate sympathised. wooyoung nodded, silently chewing on his food. you looked over to him, suddenly yearning to feel the warmth of his body again, but tucked the idea away into the safety of the back of your mind. "you know what? you two should head out. it's sunday, the best day to get things out of your head before classes tomorrow," your roommate suggested, throwing the food wrapping back into the paper bag to be discarded later on.

you considered for a while, eyeing wooyoung to ask for his opinion. in return, the boy shrugged, but ultimately nodded in agreement. you could've sworn you felt your heart beat quicken in an irregular pace right then and there, but if it did, you showed no signs of it.

____________________________________

"well, you're awfully silent today."

you jolted awake from a momentary daze that consisted of you deliberately going over your thoughts and feelings for wooyoung. did you like him? like, romantically? or was it just platonic? you looked to him and raised your shoulders the slightest bit. even worse, did you only feel drawn to him because you wanted to somehow fix him? you shook your head. no. that's not it. that's definitely not it.

growing up, you had a habit of getting into short-term relationships that drained you. they didn't hurt you, no, but you became some sort of fixer upper, some mechanic providing upgrades for your lover only to have them fall into the hands of someone else. the worst part was also the fact that you were forgiving. all you did was fix and forgave, while others just walked away; compromising your peace. perhaps that is why you were scared and confused about what you presently felt for wooyoung. it—whatever the situation was between the two of you— read like a storybook, depicting prey and predator. only you felt like the predator, sniffing for blood in the air.

"are you okay?" you realised you ignored wooyoung's first attempt of getting you to talk. you sucked in a breath and let it out, nodding quietly as your eyes trailed along the skyline where it meets the sea. wooyoung's concerned gaze pierced through your build, evident in painful silence.

"just. thinking. about things." your reply came out in a broken staccato.

"things like?"

"like us." you finished, finally getting the courage to admit it. wooyoung looked taken aback. although he didn't want to display it, his hesitancy was present in the way he backed away just a few centimetres from you. you felt your stomach cramp from both dejection and disappointment. what were you expecting? for him to like you back in just a matter of weeks, although it felt longer than that?

"y/n, i can't."

it only took one sentence for you to start stomping away, driven by anger. your impulse was taking over now, like it always does, and it won't occur to you until its simmered down, not until you've processed it and regretted it. wooyoung, the poor boy, followed your footsteps, trying to catch up to you.

"y/n, stop. look at me." you ignored him, continuing to move ahead and away from him. it wasn't exactly resentment. you couldn't be angry with him for not feeling the same way you did, but there were so many instances that made you believe in the chance that he reciprocated your feelings. "y/n, please." he sounded bare and vulnerable now. you almost mistook his plead for a whimper.

you were suddenly ashamed by your own outburst. you couldn't face him. you remained with your back turned towards him as you spoke.

"what?" you questioned, promptly. if he could see your phase right now, it would look like a mess of pink and red, flustered and slightly angered.

"it's just. i can't be the guy you think i am."

"what kind of guy do you think i think you are?" you snapped bitterly. just a few hours ago you were in each other's arms, hugging each other whole. now you were at each other's throats.

"tough. like i could fight it through everything hard in life. like my only flaw is that i can't fucking sleep at night." he responded, voice tight and unlike anything you've heard before. the little predator in you is sniffling for blood now, like it always does. it searches for the broken, the most susceptible parts of the boy in front of you. no, you fought back. you can't do that to him.

"wooyoung, it's fine." your voice softened. his knitted eyebrows let loose, like he's about to break. "i don't care. it doesn't matter. we're human, for goodness' sake. human." you croaked out, raising a hand to caress his cheek.

"i'm sorry."

he walked away, leaving you shattered.

that was the last you'd hear from him in a while.

____________________________________

your regular nighttime visits to the balcony ceased until they stopped altogether, finding no purpose in doing so anymore.

heartbroken over a boy in the first year of university. model student behaviour, really.

"you sure you don't wanna go have a look outside tonight?" your roommate asked, pausing to yawn in the middle of her sentence. you shook your head. "it's been nearly a month, you know." she reminded you, staring at you through sleepy eyes.

"you don't have to worry about me, if that's what you're implying." you replied half-heartedly, kind of present in the moment but not really either. "goodnight." you muttered. your roommate sighed and replied with her own goodnight.

you rested your chin on your desk, bending in a hideous position. you felt like jelly. summer break was only a week away and while there were major successes in your life in academic terms, you felt like your social life had slipped away entirely the moment you and wooyoung stopped talking. other than your roommate and the study group you attend once every week, you were technically void of social contact and interaction, which was not something you were used to. to be fair, you were also burned out. you had a big paper to pass up by the end of the week, but it was wednesday and you were still 3 pages shy from finishing it up.

you surrendered. the digital clock showed 4 am. it's the latest you've ever stayed up. you don't feel the slightest bit sleepy.

you head out to the balcony.

outside, the air was hot and humid. the roads still showed signs of the afternoon shower through damp and darkened spots. you looked up, clouds were still swarming around, congesting the sky, hiding away the stars.

"hi." you heard his voice call out from your left side. you looked to him, giving him a faint smile. you still couldn't be angry at him. he smiled back. "uh, i have to tell you stuff." he cleared his throat abruptly.

"sure." you replied, looking away.

"can you- is it okay if you looked at me? i mean, please?" he pleaded.

you turned to him.

"um. i told my roommate about his whole, drinking thing. he apologised. he stopped- i mean he doesn't do it often anymore." he said. your eyes lit up in surprise, feeling a tinge of pride.

"that's good. that's really good." you responded.

"yeah, but i realised i couldn't have done it without you, you know?" he spoke. your eyes were fixated on his. "i'm sorry for the way i reacted that day. i've been meaning to reach out to you again but i couldn't find the words to say to you. and i had stuff i needed to take care of to be sure of myself." he added.

"it's okay." your body relaxed evidently. all the tension you had for a whole month dissipated into nothingness.

"i like you, y/n. i've liked you since the day you came out here and just, talked like the wonders of the universe were just at the tip of your tongue. like key character flaws were the most essential elements of any story. i like you." he finished, looking at you with timid eyes.

"i like you too." you responded, eyes still glimmering with tears.

you smiled, your eyes glassing into tears. silence overtook the atmosphere, though comfortable. you gripped the railing, lightly swaying from happiness.

"can i kiss you?"

that was all it took for you to dash out of your room, not caring if you woke your roommate up. the two of you showed up breathless in the hallway.

the two of you stood in front of each other, panting but filled with adrenaline. you leaned forward but hesitated, turning away at the last second to stop yourself from blushing. wooyoung fought back the urge to smile widely, and instead cupped your cheek—four fingers on the lower back of your head, and his thumb tilting your head to bring you forward into a deep kiss.

you kissed him until you felt whole again. you kissed until your lungs gave out. wooyoung laughed as you pulled away, simmering in joy.

"what?" you asked, placing your forehead against his.

"remember that romeo and juliet song i sang to you?" he questioned. you nodded. "i wrote it about you, you know?" he said, gently tracing circles on your cheek.

"balcony romeo." you muttered, poking his arm playfully.

in the silence of the night, in the unlit hallway, you realised that happiness sprouted from the oddest places, that perhaps, it had always been true. that real and raw flaws were what actually made us human.

and they were what made us equal parts capable of loving and being loved.

[ruki--mukami]

7, 8 & 12 💃✨ tell, tell—

CANON QUESTIONNAIRE.

What’s the best thing about the canon you are writing?

🧩 Call me biased but I love how 200 IQ Ruki is HAHAHA. It’s definitely fun to write characters who think outside the box, but it’s also challenging at times, in a good way of course. What better way to expand your thinking than through your comfort character amiright— Anyway, I see Ruki as one of those characters who almost never has a moment of stupidity, so it always keeps me on my toes. Thanks to this, I can practice using new vocabulary I learn through him and it won’t sound out of character at all. I also really adore how he has a certain nuance to his punishments/sadistic side, as in he doesn’t cut right to the chase but rather he uses deceit and psychological manipulation to get what he wants.

And don’t get me started on the snark, omg. When I first got into DL I think I was shocked by how sarcastic Ruki is in the games compared to the anime (where I first discovered him). The way he taunts the MC is just… like, I know I should feel offended or threatened by him, but instead I want to see how far he will go which leaks through my crazy, over-the-top torture scenes at this point. 💀 ✋ But, I also don’t like to write him brutally without reason. It’s fun to incorporate his lore into his answers as well, giving his actions a sense of purpose no matter how morally corrupt they may be. In other words, it’s a blast writing someone who is both an antagonist and a love interest simultaneously LMAO. 🧩

What’s the worst thing about the canon you are writing?

🧩 Redemption is the hardest thing to develop for me. I’ll make Ruki abuse someone one minute, and then try to act like he didn’t just give someone anemia. Although I suppose that’s just how DL boys are sometimes AHAHAHA. It’s also just a classic case of enemies to lovers, but I’ve learned that the best way to push these ships forward is to make them fight over things that were insignificant to begin with. Which is fine and all, but realistically speaking, it’s a wonder anyone would come back to Ruki after all the awful treatment he subjects them to. Like I’m digging my own grave deeper and deeper, then the redemption arc comes and I’m struggling to get out of the hole I dug for myself LMAO. Most of the time I try to keep a mix of both intimate biting scenes and more wholesome scenario-driven scenes then hope for the best, which doesn’t always work out for me but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles at times. Basically,

Me: It’d be nice if these two can work out. I hope they can have some wholesome moments.

Also me: Wow, Ruki has gone so long without biting someone, or just being a condescending bastard in general… Something isn’t right here. I guess it’s up to me to stir conflict again. 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ 🧩

What would you say is the most unique trait about your character?

🧩 As the sole DL character who knows what it’s like to be both human and Vampire AND possess a big, wrinkly brain, this combination makes for some interesting interactions and response from Ruki. He’ll go on and on about how, since he’s a vampire, he won’t feel any love nor joy towards you and all that angsty nonsense, then he’ll do things that only turned vampires would do such as prepare human dinners and spend the daylight hours awake. I also adore his strong leadership and tragic human past. Out of all the Mukamis, I believe Ruki’s past reveals that he might’ve been sadistic from the very beginning and I try to show that in his personality. Hence the constant demon vs human arguments that often take place on my blog. I don’t think any other DL boy can quite hold these same kind of discussions as it just wouldn’t be relevant to them. Not to delve too deep into personality types such as MBTI, but another unique trait Ruki has out of all the canon characters is his “mastermind” way of thought that you can’t find anywhere else in the game, which I can really relate to as someone who shares the same type as him (I… I swear I’m not crazy 🏃‍♀️). 🧩

[urfriendlyneighbornightfury]

PLEASE DON'T IGNORE ME!

Hello. I'm Esther and I'm sending this to you on behalf of my girlfriend(NiNi), who have been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML).

She's been on chemo for weeks. But we need to raise money against her bone marrow transplant, The good thing is we found a match early, the bad thing is We currently are not financially capable to pay for it. Nini's condition is not so good  and we hope she gets better  and that's why I'm pleading for your support towards Nini's treatment. We'd appreciate your donation if you can, i've chosen a platform which accepts as low as $1, this shows how urgent and desperate we her to continue her treatments. On my pinned post is her story, latest update on her treatment and link to donate. Kindly spare some bucks if you can. I'd also appreciate your reblog to reach larger audience. If you're LGBTQ+ please tag any fellow LGBTQ person/community, who you think might help one of their own. Sorry if you're not, I strongly believe in the love and support from the community and everyone at large. Dont forget to signal boost please, don't air me please.

Thank you.

Hello! Apologies for the late response, I had a few family issues to resolve first, but I will boost this as best I can.

While I cannot donate (I have no means to do so, nor the money) I can attempt to help in any way I can.

As a person who had gone through a Bone Marrow Transplant themselves and survived (though mine was an autoimmune blood disease, Aplastic Anemia, which is a "cousin" to Leukemia), I can be someone to talk to, should the need arise. (I should note that I live in Germany, within the Paris timezone, so that the time difference can be taken into account) I also recommend the website Caring Bridge. My mom used it to post updates about my health and well being when I got my transplant eleven years ago, so that family and friends could know how I was doing, not just in the States (while I lived there. Most of my family is in Germany). So you can keep your loved ones up to date with Nini's health (or she can, if she has the energy to). Plus, you can connect with other patients undergoing the same thing.

Tagging as many people as possible (mutuals, followers, even those I follow): @shadows-fan-space @caddy-crystal-queen @just-some-girl-92 @a-dorin @blackkatmagic @emperor-palpaminty @exceptionally-minded @general-kalani @happytroopers @halzore @haloangel391 @igotanaddixon @icaruspendragon @kingoffantasy516 @lilhawkeye3 @a-lil-perspective @nahoney22 @neon-junkie @ollovaemisc @rowansparrow @starryfictionalgirl @vinciwolf @voidika @wille-zarr @superiorsniper @tbbs-best-hair @zinzinina @fandom-blackhole @lula-and-the-cavalry @the-echo-in-the-room @zoeykallus @moonstrider9904 @its-capt-traitor-to-you @same-heart-same-blood @badbatchsmolbean @tech-deck @tchatso @tinywitchgoblin @ohhhbuthoney @dragon-pups @anstarwar @agent-catfish-kenobi @drabbles-n-doodles @historicallydysfunctional @comm-caribou @pandalover19 @monako-jinn-stories @dexara

If any of you can donate or spread the word, please do. This one in particular sits close to me as a former BMT patient. I wish you all the best, Esther, and hope Nini makes a swift recovery, and that she stays healthy! Strong hopes for no GvHD!

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE, MORE BLOOD Vol.9 Sakamaki Kanato [Track 2]

Original title: 甘い悲鳴

Source: Diabolik Lovers More, More Blood Vol. 9 Sakamaki Kanato [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kaji Yuki

Translator’s note: I was wondering if the hourglass wasn’t going to be a thing in Kanato’s MMB CD but it finally showed up! I guess it would make sense why he hasn’t told the MC about it, seeing as Kanato isn’t the type of character who shares a lot of information with her. Let me just say that I am very worried about the MC’s safety and also very glad that it’s not me in her position, haha. Huge props to Kaji for the voice work in this one though. Whenever he speaks his lines very fast, it really does make it extra creepy and unsettling.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 2: Sweet Cries

*Ding dong・ding dong*

Kanato bursts into the infirmary.

*RATTLE*

“...Haah! So THIS is where you’ve been...!?”

You seem surprised.

“Just how heartless can you be, leaving me behind like that!? I couldn’t find you in your classroom during break nor would you pick up your phone either...WHY ARE YOU OVER HERE SLEEPING IN THE INFIRMARY!?”

You try and explain.

“...ANEMIA!? That’s your reason for keeping me completely in the dark!? You could have AT LEAST given me a heads-up, no!?”

You try and defend yourself. 

“I DON’T CARE IF YOU SUDDENLY FELT ‘DIZZY’ OR WHATEVER!”

He approaches you.

“...Ah, I see how it is now. You’re being mean to me on purpose, aren’t you? I bet you’re going to blame it on me next, saying that I’m at fault for sucking too much blood in the torture chamber yesterday.”

You shake your head.

“Oh no, I’m not wrong. You’re using this to get away from me. It’s such an obvious far-fetched excuse. Not only did you break our promise and left my side but on top of that, you’re trying to put the blame on ME.

ーー Uu...hic...sob...I...hic...felt so lonely...while you were gone...hic...”

You say sorry.

“Apologizing won’t get you any forgiveness. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?”

You flinch.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I suppose I’m expecting too much of that empty head of yours. Therefore, I’ll be so kind to tell you.”

Kanato gets on the bed with you.

*Rustle rustle*

“The fact you’re already lying down on a bed only works in my advantage. I’ll suck your blood here.”

You protest.

“So what if you’re already anemic? You broke our promise, remember? I quote: ‘I won’t leave your side: not at home, nor at school.’ That’s what you promised, didn’t you. Yet you disappeared on me without a single word...Did you really think I would forgive you? ...Let me suck plenty of your blood to atone for your crimes. Haah...”

You panic, covering your own throat.

“...What’s this hand doing here? I can’t suck your blood when you’re covering your throat like that. Hurry up and move it.”

You refuse.

“...Like it said, so what if you’re anemic? You sure are cheeky to defy to me like that. Hah...Fufu...Fufufu...If you were any other human, I’d simply chop off your arm, but you’re precious to me after all. I’ll let this one slide. I’ll suck from somewhere those pesky little hands of yours can’t reach instead.”

*Rustle rustle*

“I bet you’re running low on energy and can’t move around much, can you? Hah. In that case, you can’t move your legs either, right? I’ve decided I’ll give you my fangs here.”

*Rustle*

“These socks are in the way. You should have taken them off before getting into bed.”

He starts taking off your socks.

“...What’s the matter? Is that your attempt at fighting back? ...Hey, I just had a great idea! I should have just bitten your leg from the very beginning! I bet you wouldn’t have been able to get away from me if you weren’t able to walk from the pain, would you?”

You protest again. 

“Oh come on, you don’t mind, do you? I’m all you need. Even if you can’t move, I promise I’ll be by your side day and night. ...Let’s start with your calf. Fufu~ I wonder where I should bite to limit your movements? Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter as long as I bite you multiple times.”

Kanato bites you.

“Mmh...Nn...”

*Sluuurp*

“...Hah. Such lovely cries. I don’t want to hear the sounds any other human makes, but you’re the one exception to that rule. ...Say! Can you move your leg?”

¨Rustle*

“Ah...It hurts, doesn’t it? Exactly as planned! I suppose this means you won’t be going anywhere for a while. ...Ah, but you could still crawl away on all fours.”

*Rustle*

“I’ll bite your stomach as well, just in case.”

*Rustle rustle*

“I suppose the side will work? This place is close to the ribs, so perhaps I should try and hit a bone.”

Your eyes widen in fear.

“Fufu...~ Aah~ I can get quite a nice sight at you from this angle. I’m being captivated by watching you cry out my name as tears pool in the corners of your eyes. ...Say! Where do you want me to bite you? Your soft tummy...?”

*Rustle*

“Or your hard ribs?”

*Rustle*

“Ah! The hipbone isn’t a bad idea either! I’m sure it’ll make the pain surge through your entire body!”

You shake your head. 

“...You’re stopping me again? Just who do you think you are?”

*Rustle rustle*

“I love you so much, so why won’t you accept this love of mine? Say? Who is the person you love?”

You answer.

“Exactly, it’s me. So...You’ll also accept my love, right? ...What’s your answer?”

You nod.

“Hah...Good girl~ I bet you wanted this all along as well? I mean, just look at how ragged your breathing has become. You’re even sweating slightly...Have you been eagerly anticipating my fangs? Ah...That must be what made you upset. You pretended not to like it because I took too long giving you my fangs, didn’t you? Uu...In that case, I can understand.”

*Rustle rustle*

“I’ll no longer keep you waiting. I’ll bite you strongly! Cry out to your heart’s content, okay? Haahn...”

Kanato bites you again.

*Sluuuurp*

“Mmh...Nn...~”

*Sluuuurp*

“Mmh...Hah! It’s so sweet...It’s coating the very back of my throat. This taste proves that you like it! I bet it feels amazing for you as well, doesn’t it? 

You grow dizzy again.

“You’ve got that dazed look in your eyes. ...Ah, did it feel that good? You almost resemble a doll while slouched on top of the bed...However, I’m not satisfied yet. I can suck from your throat now, right? I can hear those sweet cries of yours very well from here.”

You stop him.

“...Hah? What’s the matter?”

You are worried about being seen by the other students.

“...Aah. You’re right, there’s someone standing outside. Well, it’s break time right now so I suppose that’s a given.”

You frown, still concerned about the other students. 

“Hah? What are you saying? We’ve got nothing to hide, do we? If somebody does spot us, I can always turn them into minced meat. ーー More importantly, how do you want me to bite you next? Ah! Don’t you think it’d be nice if I were to slowly sink my fangs inside?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Ah...W-Why...? Why did you push me away...!?”

You explain. 

“Why let some other people bother you!? I’ve told you this plenty of times, but you should only ever pay attention to me! Why do you keep on rejecting me when I love you this much?”

You try and convince Kanato that you do love him. 

“I can’t trust those words! If you truly loved me, you would live for my sake and my sake only! Yet there you go, letting yourself get distracted by other people again!”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Fine, whatever. You keep on wandering off...or pushing me away...I’m fed up with it. ...I’LL MAKE IT SO YOU CAN’T DO THAT ANYMORE!”

*Thud*

*Tick tock - Tick tock - Tick tock - Tick tock*

ーーー

*Rustle rustle*

“...Aah, so you actually are here.”

You turn around in surprise. 

*Rustle*

“What are you doing, you’re such a klutz? You’re the only person on this planet I know who would rip their own clothes in a moment of surprise. Couldn’t you tell that tool was full of barbs? Only a fool would flail their arms about near it.”

You ask Kanato where you are.

“Haah!? Have you actually lost the last remaining of your brain cells? This is obviously the torture chamber. ...More importantly, why don’t we...

ーー have a little fun together~?”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[the-blind-geisha]

okay listen, it's so damn late and I told myself to leave the next message to your for tomorrow but I cannot help myself. And it's because I saw something interesting you added to your post.

I mean those aesthetic thing. I'm gonna be honest dear, I'm cringing when I look at this...

...because I'm the person who did them.

Damnit, Oreana! you indirectly exposed me in like, third respond to my anon messages??!! I'm beyond angry but in a very good way. In very exciting way.

And as much as I cringe at these edits (cuz I could do better now!), I cannot describe how happy I am to know you still kept that. It's... such an amazing feeling. I'm beyond happy that I might even shed a tear or two. Absolutely amazing. And I'm absolutely thankful cuz holy eff. You don't even know how much. Truly. It can be seen as nothing but thanks so much for having them saved. Although I must say I saw that you still have them on your blog. Amazing feeling, that it wasn't deleted. Ah, I meant I wouldn't mind if you deleted them! After all, it was something made for ac so yeah!

Yes I start to ramble, sorry, but I'm so so so so thankful.

Thank you, dear. Truly, thank you.

But well that should explain to you how I remember that Emmett had the ability to change into the horse. I never forgot, nor I forgot your Oreana. Holy eff, I even remember how I started to simp to her brother (I hope it was her brother) and I requested a short fic with him.

AHGGG this is beyond exciting! Kinda overwhelming too, especially for 2am.

Anyway, don't you dare think I'm gonna ignore the talk about overlord, happy farm and demiurge. I'm gonna get there, I'm just too excited to share this all and expose myself even further.

But I will say that I'm glad to hear you beat the anemia's ass. That's always good to hear tho but yes. Slay!

But truly, damit Oreana. I cannot believe this happened. And I cannot believe I wrote this instead of acting normal.

Love you, dear. Even after all of those years.

- Pandemonium

(sorry if I don't respond immediately to your potential reaction to this. it's truly too late here but I just, couldn't help myself)

So it IS you! ♥ Funny thing... you said Emmett turning into a horse, and yeah—he could in Oreana's version of her world as that was his dream land animal form—BUT...I still remember when you had that Horseman idea, and Emmett would even turn into her steed! Funny story to add onto that one: Cheshire, Demona's NPC in Overlord, actually took some of the ideas from that where his little necklace turns into a shield when he transforms. X”D

Wow. No fooling?? OMG, I'm so glad you're okay! ;~; I sadly couldn't give you a name, because I know you changed blogs so often that I couldn't really give you one! But yeah! I remember you! And of course I kept them! I have ALL those edits. All of them. ♥ Just because the fandom hurt me didn't mean I ever wanted to be rid of the treasures people gifted me. ♥♥ I even have the one you did of Oreana's older brother.

I think it's because I changed my name. It used to be one word, remember? Now it's The-Blind-Geisha (because I swear if I heard someone make the joke 'hate a house' one more time, I'd riot lol). But they are under 'for me' tag:

I also have this one still I know you did:

Yeah! Her brother Emuntin! ♥ We even did a small RP about that, I think?? Goodness, it's been so dang long! Good memories though!

Awwwr, still! It was a joy to read! ;^; Thank you so much again, hon. It was wonderful to catch up with you!

Love you too, hon! I am so relieved during this crazy time you're okay. ♥♥ Puts my mind and heart at ease.

(Sleep, silly! You deserve it!) ♥