#none of this is important i just like rambling bc i put a lot of thought into this stuff

[razzafrazzle]

another character from die as lovers may, my funney vampire story... had this design bouncing around in my brain for years honestly

[image description: a reference image for an original character named dr. pranali guin, a fat, older dark-skinned woman that has black hair with a white streak pulled into an updo. she is wearing a tight white dress with a cropped black jacket and an orange ribbon around her neck. next to her are blurbs stating that she is 55, that her pronouns are she/her, that she is an aroace woman, and the following: "acclaimed sexologist who is rather humorless. incredibly suspicious of rowan, but isn't quite sure why. not as stern as she looks. has really bad eyesight, but refuses to wear glasses out of spite. loves melodramatic soap operas and keeps a journal detailing every plot point in them. probably autistic." end id]

[lu-is-not-ok]

I don't know if this has been mentioned before, but I have a theory about Hong Lu I haven't seen discussed so I was curious of your opinion on it.

As you're aware, there are a few identities where Hong Lu winds up in different jobs bc his grandmother nepo-babied him into different situations (like in the K Corp Class 3 Staff identity) and Hong Lu seems like a generally passive person that moreso allows to let the world happen around him as he rolls with whatever direction the tide takes him (terrible gloom pun intended, sorry).

Maybe I'm wrong, but with what we currently know about him I can't think of a wish that would be important enough for him to go into this whole job with the sinners and abandon his family and life so I've been theorizing his grandmother has a conservatorship or something similar over him and she signed his contract for a wish the family had instead.

Do you have any thoughts, critiques, or corrections for this? You're my favourite limbus blog, so I'm a bit excited to finally have a reason to send an ask in. :)

Thanks!

It's not unlikely for his family to be somehow involved in his employment at Limbus Company, but it is a little bit vague at the moment.

I'm gonna elaborate under a read more cause I got rambly. Also, spoilers from everything up to and including Intervallo 6.5.

We know from the recent Timekilling Time event that the reason Hong Lu isn't with his family right now is because he was told by his elders to explore and learn as much as possible. The way he describes it makes it fairly clear that him leaving his family home wasn't exactly his own choice, but rather something he's doing because he was told to.

This is however where things get a bit less clear. It's possible that his family sent him directly to Limbus Company, knowing that it would lead to him gathering a lot of experience. It's also possible that they just sent him out to do this on his own without much guidance, and when he came across Limbus Company it was his own wish for them to help him achieve the goal the family set out for him.

Identity-wise, it's important to note that the only Hong Lu identities that directly reference being put into the job by his family are once where he is working for Wings, that being K Corp and W Corp.

His Liu Identity also references his family, but doesn't make a direct connection between his spot at Liu and the influence of his elders, rather simply implying that he's unable to escape their influence in his position.

None of his Syndicate Identities really mention his family, which makes sense considering they're the least likely position that his elders would want him to have, but interestingly enough his other Association Identity, Dieci, doesn't reference his family either.

I think it's notable, since arguably his Dieci Identity would be the one where he's able to satiate his curiosity the most, and yet does not reference the idea of his family wanting that out of him at all. That could be potentially explained through the whole Dieci thing of removing their knowledge when they use it in exchange for combat prowess, especially since Hong Lu as a Key seems to be a lot more affected by that exchange, outright losing memories of where he is and why he's there upon spending his knowledge. It's not unlikely that this exchange might have led him to just. Forgetting about his family. Which would be fucking hilarious honestly.

Anyway, all that being said - Hong Lu's family is only ever directly involved when the position he ends up in has some form of... let's call it prestige attached to it, like that of a Wing's feather or an Association Fixer. On the other hand, they seem to be completely out of the picture when the position he ends up in is undesireable, like a Syndicate or low-grade Fixer Office.

This is where we have to consider the nature of Limbus Company as an entity. We know it's a large enough company to have considerable financial backing, sponsors, and be able to absorb other corporate entities like Moses' Fixer Office into itself. At the same time though, it is still almost entirely unknown to the wider world of the City, often not being taken seriously in the slightest by almost everyone.

Would Limbus Company be considered prestigious enough for Hong Lu's family to care to directly involve themselves in getting him the position? Or is it such a small scale entity that they don't care as long as Hong Lu is fulfilling the goal they gave him on his own?

Either way, his family and the orders they gave him are still likely to be his main reason for joining Limbus Company, it's just the matter of how deep their involvement actually goes.

[catastrophicdisasters]

alright i need to ramble abt TUA s4 somewhere that isn't at someone who doesn't care lmao

putting it under a see more bc a lot of it is based on stuff that's been said in the recent cast interviews and could definitely be considered spoilers

tl;dr: a theory post about who, if anyone, i think is going to die this season (and why, ranked by how narratively coherent i think their death would be, and how it would - or wouldn't - round off their character arc)

emphasis on the "i think", as obviously this is my opinion on what i think would make a satisfying narrative

so, in one of the interviews from today, Robert is asked how he feels about the "kind of sacrifice" at the end of the story, and his response is "yeah there's a kind of death that happens" and to then wax philosophical about physical death vs the kind of death that happens when the memory or the person is gone, and how there's a "kind of passing that happens"

and like, most people are convinced that someone's going to die by the end of the season, myself included, but i've just had another idea Robert really talked AROUND the word death, saying "a kind of death" and "a passing", and with him talking about that 'do you die when you physically die or when nobody alive can remember you' style thing, I'm thinking that maybe someone gets themselves erased from the timelines

so they still EXIST, as theyre not physically dead, but because nobody can remember them, it's still a kind of death (exactly like Robert said)

whether or not that person retains their memories is kind of irrelevant, though them keeping them does make for a more tragically satisfying arc - they gave up their existence to keep their family safe/save the world, and yet none of them will ever look at them with recognition or love again, and will never truly know just what they did for them. i think that could be done really well, as there's a special kind of beauty in a character who is happy to accept their own end in order to protect those they love (also, if i wanted to get super analytical of that, i could draw parallels between that idea and the trailer's choice of song - The End; the opening song of The Black Parade album, the funeral song that kicks off the narrative album with themes such as the life that comes after death-)

~

now, with that said, i want to go off about who my top choices for death/erasure actually are:

well, first i want to say who i don't think it's going to be, and that's Diego and Lila. and that is because they've set up this little family arc for them via Lila's pregnancy, and right from ep1 it was established that Diego was the most attached to Grace - his mother figure - highlighting the importance of the parental figure in his life. both of them have a strong sense of detachment and independence / not needing anyone else, while actually longing to be part of something, to have a family unit. so with the two of them now being married and having a child together, especially given what Ritu said in an article - that "they are not really communicating and are snapping at each other" - it sets up the perfect arc for them to find their place, together, and forging the family dynamic they both so clearly want.

I could talk more about them (i.e, Diego having multiple instances that make reference to his desire to prove himself to his father, vs Lila collapsing post s2 because she just wanted to know if The Handler - if her mother - ever really loved her), but that's not the point of this post

so working backwards from who i think is least likely (and why, obviously):

Viktor:

- originally i had a big question mark over Viktor, bc ive always kind of struggled to pick up the threads of his arc, but even then i still don't think that death/sacrifice would be narratively satisfying for him? is it possible that he sacrifices himself to save his family? i mean… i guess? he's always been more passive and less confrontational than the others, so even if the opportunity presented itself i feel like someone else would probably beat him to the punch

- BUT, that's still not actually the reason i think it won't be him - it's because i think a more satisfying ending for him would be for him to have everything he was denied in childhood. with him coming out, they've set themselves up really nicely to push an ending for Viktor that has him finding himself, understanding himself, and finally being happy with himself. whether he ends up keeping and accepting his powers or not makes no odds as long as HE makes that choice for himself! let him be surrounded by family/people who love him for who he is, let him choose to live for himself and be happy!

Allison:

- i have a similar problem with Allison that i have with Viktor, in that i don't really know where her arc is going, at least as far as the Hargreeves are concerned. Allison's been pretty clear that her priority is her daughter, getting back to her daughter, protecting her daughter. and now she has her back. and she even has Ray back!

- i've never reeeeally been a fan of redemption through death (though there are exceptions), so the thought of her being the one to die/sacrifice herself to save the rest of the Hargreeves just… doesn't sit right with me. particularly because i'm also fairly sure i read somewhere that Emmy said that Allison is kind of "done" with the Umbrella Academy family stuff, and that she's all about being a mother again, which brings me to my next point;

- Allison dying would actually have more of an emotional impact on Claire and Ray than it would to any of the Umbrellas. and, as nice as Ray is and I'm sure Claire will be, they are not the major characters in this show. they are not the ones we have spent three seasons connecting and sympathizing with. would her death still have impact? of course! but i think that there's too much to resolve (such as the events of s3, the fact that she already feels done with them all) to make her death be tragic and satisfying, and to still wrap up everyone else's arcs and the story as a whole

- her finding a way to accept and love her Umbrella family instead of constantly trying to distance herself from them, and learning to balance the family of herself, Ray, and Claire, with her family within the Umbrellas feels like it would be more satisfying for her than sacrificing herself to save the Umbrellas / the world

- could she still end up sacrificing herself to save Ray/Claire, and that in turn leads to someone else dying? yes, absolutely! or something happens to Claire and she no longers cares about living because she can't lose her daughter again? also yes, but that feels a bit... too dark, even for tua

Klaus:

- i feel a little controversial, putting him so far down the list (he's still placed fourth out of eight, though), but the thing is - with his powers back, he is functionally immortal. at that point, the only way he's dying is if he chooses to die. which could still lead to a satisfying end!! the boy who was scared of the ghosts he saw, who became scared of dying, becoming the man who chooses to die? very tasty potential, there. contrasts very nicely with the fact that he kept bringing himself back to life without even realising

- buuuut, that would conflict with what we've heard so far about Klaus's storyline this season; Klaus becoming a scared-of-everything germaphobe, having to learn "how not to be scared of life", falling back into addiction, and learning new aspects of his powers. i don't really see how all of that would lean into a storyline of him accepting death, ya know? it's a lot to do, with not a lot of time to do it well

- i will say, though, that i do love the idea of him somehow finding Dave in the afterlife, and that being part of helping him to accept death - that he can be reunited with the love of his life (this falls apart, however, when you realise that Dave's actor isn't currently credited for any episodes on imdb. still doesn't mean that he won't be, but... makes it less likely)

Luther:

- i genuinely debated with myself about who gets third slot between Luther and Five, but ultimately decided on Luther (which i'll further explain during Five's section)

- Luther literally has no purpose outside of the Umbrella Academy. in s1, he was defined by his being the only 'true' remaining member of the Academy, and having been sent to the moon for a seemingly pointless mission (and even though we now know that he was sent there to protect Abigail - she's alive now, so that doesn't really need revisting). s2 also had him at a loose end - he was fighting simply because that's all he thought he was good at, he tried to give his relationship with Allison another go once he realised she was alive, only for it to turn out that she's married, and then he was a (frankly, terrible) spotter for Five during the paradox psychosis fiasco. s3 literally had him get kidnapped by the Sparrows without anyone really noticing, and although he did eventual fall in love and gett married to Sloane, she vanished with the resetting of the universe. Sloane, incidentally, also doesn't have her actor listed on imdb as returning for s4

- he doesn't really have a multi-season arc to finish off; in fact, the only consistent facet of his personality is his desire to protect his family and 'do the right thing', whatever that might be

- i feel like for him, a good arc to send him on would be him becoming comfortable in his gorilla-body and maturing into the confident leader that would be expected of a "Number One". but, given the way his character has evolved (or devolved) through the series so far, i don't really see them doing that

- in fact, i think it's much more likely that they kill him simply because they don't know what else to do with him. which, ya know, kind of sucks

- HOWEVER, i do think there is good potential in having the first major leader-like decision that Luther makes - free from the influence of others - being to sacrifice himself to save his family. the one time he stands up and says "no, i've made my decision, and it's time for you all to respect that" while also tying it back to his overwhelming desire to love and protect his family? oh yeah, that'd be some good shit right there

Five:

- my god please just let the old man rest

- so, i think Five is less likely to flat out die than Luther is, but i do think some kind of timeline fuckery is much more likely where Five is concerned

- considering what Adian has already said about Five's arc this season

- "He doesn’t know what his place is in the universe. When he goes on this emotional arc with Lila, for the first time, he feels there is a reason for living." - i honestly think killing him would be an incredibly shitty thing to do. having him finally, finally, find his place in the universe, after getting stuck in the apocalypse at THIRTEEN, where he finds his entire family dead, proceeds to then spend 40 years alone, trying to get back to his family, before being picked up by the Temps, turned into a killer, finally getting back to his family, only to end up stuck back in his teenage body AND having to deal with three weeks of constant apocalypses, to then kill him???? jesus christ that would SUCK. like, i'm aware i have bias because Five is one of my favourites and i think his arc has some insane narrative potential, but i cannot be the only one thinking that if they kill him after all of that it's just going to leave a bitter taste?

- THAT SAID!! that said, i do think that it's likely that he would be the one that ends up getting erased from various timelines in order to save his family

- his whole thing has been about getting back to his family to save them from the apocalypse - to have him find his ultimate purpose being to do exactly that? it makes sense!

- in erasing himself from this timeline in order to save it, his purpose also then becomes founding the Temps Commission, with the intention of preserving the new main timeline that he literally 'died' to create and protect (and considering that they technically exist outside of the timeline, who is to say this isn't all part of Commission Founder Five's master plan anyway? hell, given that the Commission resides in the year 1955, he can go play guitar with Marty McFly and bitch about the perils of time travel while he's there)

- it would also solve the awkward elephant in the room; the fact that as of s4 he looks 18 but is actually in his 60s. he can erase himself from the main timeline, putting himself back into his old man body, and retire in peace knowing he's successfully saved his family and given them a future by also saving the world

- it's so deliciously tragic

Ben:

- oh god okay here we go

- i adore Ben and don't really want him to die, but i'd be lying if i said that his death wouldn't be incredibly satisfying, in the way only a true tragedy can be

- we all know this season is going to be focused on him and how he is going to be the one to cause the apocalypse this time, so it ending with him would make sense

- Blackman (the showrunner) has also said that he "wanted to come full circle with the family relationship". what is the FIRST thing we know about Ben? he's dead

- for the first two seasons, he haunts the narrative in a literal sense by being a ghost that only Klaus can see and so still sort of interacting with things, but considering we don't yet know what the Jennifer Incident is and how it actually affected the Umbrellas moving forwards, it could turn out that he has also been actually haunting the narrative - he's dead but so much has been driven by the nature of his death

- i also just really love the idea that the first thing we learn about Ben is that he's dead, and that also ends up being the last thing we learn about him

- taking it a step further, given that the Ben in the recap was definitely Sparrow Ben, it would be disgustingly, delightfully tragic for the final fate of Sparrow Ben to be the same as that of Umbrella Ben - that nothing any of them did actually mattered, because in the end, Ben was always going to die (can you tell i like a good tragedy)

- also, going far too deep into it (to the point that this isn't so much evidence that Ben is the most likely to die, but just a nice little tie in), parts of Ben's arc very much tie into the narrative of The Black Parade. you know, the MCR album that the song they used in the official trailer came from. The Black Parade, as an album, opens with a funeral song (just like the show opened with a funeral) and then continues to go over The Patient's life after death, the experiences from the afterlife, and even reflecting back on his life. quite fitting for Ben, in a way

- ANYWAY! Sparrow Ben also spent a good chunk of his time in s3 desperately wanting to be part of the Umbrellas, but having no idea how to go about it. the thought of him sharing the fate of Umbrella Ben and therefore becoming just like him, becoming Umbrella Ben? poetic

- there is also my sort-of half-theory, that the reason Ben is being overloaded with the Marigold is that he's actually somehow channeling both versions of Ben, so has twice the amount he should have, thereby destabilising him in some way, and one of the Bens needs to die. but, that doesn't really tie into Jennifer in any way, because that wouldn't have happened in the original/main timeline

- Ben is also the only character to have actually existed as multiple versions of himself in the two timelines - again, it is a perfect tragedy for him to die in both of them. maybe this time they save him from the Jennifer Incident, only for him to choose to sacrifice himself to save them all. ergo, it didn't matter, it didn't matter, he was always going to die

- i really like a well executed tragedy, okay? i also feel like it's one of the few satisfying ways to successfully kill off a character. still hurts like a bitch, but at least it was worth something

~

okay well, this got sufficiently away from me! kudos to you if you read the whole way through, and i do not blame you in the slightest if you skipped through lmao i also probably missed a few things, and maybe got a few things wrong so uh, whoops on that

tl;dr: probably won't die: Diego, Lila unlikely to die, but possible: Allison, Viktor wouldn't surprise me if they died: Klaus, Luther probably won't die, but might end up erased from the main timeline: Five most likely to die (and would be beautifully tragic): Ben

again again - purely my opinion!! and also what i'd like to see, based on what i personally feel can make a good narrative!

good luck for the 8th brellies <3

[schizophilus]

“fenrir are you FUCKING STUPID”

“MAGAWWUFHUHUHGU YYOU…DID YOU SAY YES!!?!? ..ghguughhghg.h.uuhuhgh.h.g.h. ”

“YES????”

(more doodles below jus bear w the ramblings pls)

This is when Fenrir asked for Aventurine to teach him avgin-sigonian for his Masters in linguistics - it took him a lot of courage to do it because Aventurine has a 50/50 chance when it comes to asking about his Avgin heritage, he either feels like 10 bajillions daggers and his ancestors coming to beat his ass or he feels appreciated and seen for his dead culture and this gambler is the only man fenrir couldn’t read fully.

fenrir is not the type to gamble, so of course he came up with a plan

They started out normally but fenrir keeps beating around the bush to kind of get aventurine pissed off so that he couldn’t feel sad, like too focused on being angry to hate himself type shit. As they are, they’d probably end up in a fist fight cuz yk, if you got recycled, youll still get the marks of what you once were (talia lore) the question dropped in the middle of the fight and aventurine just said yes on a whim- fenrir broke down and just be liek ‘HELL YEAH VASHA YOURE THE GOAT’

— THEYRE MY EVERYTHING IM GOING TO DIEEE (colored + full + no beating each others up version) - lil writing below too :3

i know i talk a lot about how caring fenrir is towards aventurine most of the time but that isn’t really how they act “canonically” UHGF

Theyre bicker, pester and shit. theyre the only one who can get under each other’s skin and sometimes their little momentarily bantering do distract their self esteem bc they lowk find the other person more annoying (when the suicide hotline hung up on u and ure too confused/pissed to kys typa dynamic). they act petty and would often annoy the other but would never say a bad word and would still do anything to save them. because in the end, fenrir and aventurine still considered each other family (old married couple with early love beef) considering their journey through talia together.

they still know that the reason why they found comfort in each other so easily despite all the tension is because, really, they are the same side of two coin. They are each other’s foil, they emphasize each other’s character - which is something both fenrir and aventurine HATE (self-loathe hell yeah jigsaw) but also they found that there are also others with the same wound.

They bite each other, but its their teeth that stopped the bleeding.

(or more like they bite each other’s open wound in hope to hurt the other, but actually found that the scars are from the same pair of teeth and found comfort that they don’t have to bite themselves to stop the bleeding anymore)

(do u get it pls cuz aventurine has the same pair of teeth as his masters because he probably learn more from his old master than his parents cuz he spent more time with the masters than his family haha - applies to fenrir too ahahahahaha)

i feel aventurine is charming and he compliments everyone bc thats gonna get them to grow on him - yk ppl likes compliments. if theyre not affected by compliments? money. if theyre one of those “i dont like compliments and money” he’ll just act crazy, putting himself on the line and bending them to his will by other forms of manipulation. i don’t feel like aventurine values relationship because he doesn’t even value himself, which is an important factor in a healthy relationship (regardless of romance or not). Most of his connections would mostly be transactional and he does have very few people he kept by - Dr Ratio, Trailblazer, etc.

Fenrir? he hates himself too much for compliments to work. he’s too talented to need money and he’s also a master when it comes to manipulation. As they are, same sides of two coins. fenrir has the same issue with aventurine, none of his tactics worked, he couldn’t bend aventurine to his needs so easily. so with the forced proximity, stranded in the desert with no one else but each other, they learn to co operate rather than to use one another. Both Fenrir and Aventurine would be forced to not see their relationship as transactional - and thus create a foundation for a more genuine relationship.

The only way they can break out of their habits of seeing everything being out of obligations is when they’re forced to turn their head a different way. if they were given the permission to stay, they will stay in the hellhole that they found comfort in rather than the ground where they can walk freely because they never learned to walk without the weights - they will fall because they can’t balance themselves.

—

“only a madman can beat a master.” what if theyre both madmen?

“genius on the left, lunatic on the right?” what if they’re a genius because they’re a lunatic who manage to prove the crazy theories and the other is a lunatic because they’re a genius who can come up with the crazy theories without answers?

what if theyre the death of me

[marsosims]

hi, hello! hope you have a wonderful day and lots of fun with the new pack! i was wondering how to decorate/build in the new world to make it realistic bc i want to lean into the whole SEA flair without making too sterotypical i hope you know what i mean lol so some help from someone who's filipino like yourself would mean lots for me!!

Before I answer this question, I'd just like to preface that I am NOT an expert and I'm just sharing my personal thoughts and ideas :)

-

marsosims' tips to decorating tomarang builds

Use references. I think this is probably the most important tip that I can tell you. Use references, you won't regret it! Whether it's from google earth, Pinterest, or even drawings - you have a TON of reference materials!

Here are some illustrations: Top image is a still from the movie, "Hayop Ka!", Bottom left from Arlo Jhan Bayot, Right from Albert Tan

Here are some pictures - these ones are more or less middle class, but some shared characteristics between most of them are bright walls (usually cement, wood, and the occasional fake brick wall), fenced in yards (if you could call them that), wrought iron, and most importantly, plants.

PLANTS. GO CRAZY. SEA countries are located in the tropics, which means that they have very diverse foliage... SO like go wild if you want to (especially if building in the more rural part of Tomarang). People will also have a lot of potted plants, like:

(Bougainvilleas are usually a favorite - idk if the sims has any like it?)

OPEN LAYOUT FLOORPLANS. Most houses are open concept, and hallways for residential buildings are pretty rare in my opinion.

Another thing to note are dirty kitchens, which are basically outside kitchens that you do all of your cooking so that the smell doesn't stick to your things (this is important because as I said - most houses are open concept). Cooking inside is also pretty unpleasant because SEA COUNTRIES ARE HOTTTT.

Use tiles. With interiors, I'd say that it usually varies but a staple in most homes are tiled floors, because they are cool (not in a fashion way and more a literal way) and are resistant to floods.

I almost never see people have wooden floors unless the house was an ancestral house or the house is on the cheaper side (but even then, I usually see cement or tiled floors). If you do see some wooden floors, my bet is that they're one of those cheap linoleum / vinyl ones (idk what they are exactly)

I also never see people use carpets or rugs - probably a bit too much of a hassle to deal with (but they do exist!).

As for walls, they're usually just left as cement or wood. Wallpapers weren't all that popular until recently during the pandemic when people got bored and started putting up wallpapers ksdhbfsd

Use wooden furniture where possible! Plus points if you use glass somehow. Most things are wooden, and usually do not match with each other. It actually drives me crazy at home because none of the wood tones match, but it's comforting in a way. You can see an example of this on the image above. If things weren't made of wood, they were usually plastic :)

Display those trophies / certificates! Filipinos are VERY proud of their achievements. Feel free to display those trophies, certificates, etc. front and center of your homes, where guests can see them.

-

These are all the things I can think of! I'm sorry it's a little rambly kscfksdfh I tried my best o7

If you have any questions, feel free to shoot them my way. ALSOO I'd just like to reiterate that these are just based on my personal experiences and thoughts and not everything I say may not necessarily be true for every SEA person (or even Filipino). OK BYE

[wickedlyqueer]

you don't have to ofc, but i heard you're making a video essay about the wicked movie? will that still continue or???

the short answer is yes. the slightly longer answer is: yes, and keep in mind that:

YouTube is not my job and never will be.

Creating videos take time, especially in the way I do them.

It also didn't help that I had to spend the last week in bed due to the flu (while I had planned to spend the weekend editing a ton).

I'm kind of glad you asked me this question anon, bc i've wanted to talk about this for ages. so let me explain my process under the cut (warning: boring ramblings).

I don't think people quite understand how much time I spend on my projects. It's just that they are spread across multiple platforms and I don't really announce them until there's something to be announced. Some people just write fanfics or just have a gaming channel.

My brilliant mind decided I should write fanfics, have a video essay channel and a gaming channel!

Because fuck free time, I suppose? So I already am juggling between three projects at all times. And all these are my hobbies and I very desperately want them to stay hobbies.

Which always leads to an interesting field of tension, because everything needs to be quick, quick, quick and NOW and everything is supposed to be "hustle" these days. Do your hobbies and make a buck in the process!

But I firmly want to be against that and say: no. a hobby should cost you money, because the value is in the joy it provides you.

And that might seem hypocritical, because I've begun to put ads on my videos, but that has two reason:

YouTube puts ads on them regardless. Might as well make 100 dollars a year off of my work.

I actually tried to do the "no ads" on my videos. YouTube then goes on to not recommend my videos. And I do not have the audience to get views on it anyway. Nope. My videos just turn to oblivion.

At least now I can decide where to put an ad and when not (and YouTube is aggressive with this btw, because if it's up to YouTube, you're getting an ad every 2-5 minutes).

ANYWAY, back to video making. Like I said, my way of video making is incredibly time consuming.

Besides wanting YouTube to stay a hobby, I also do not show my face. Ever. All the long hour content you watch? Probably a person talking to a camera (talking head).

Every now and then they throw up a graph or a still image. It's the least time consuming way to produce a video, for sure.

I do none of that. Every single thing you see on screen, I had to select and edit myself. You only hear my voice. Everything else on screen I had to put together myself.

So each minute you watch takes me roughly an hour to edit. And that's just editing. I didn't even mention writing the script, recording (and re-recording) and hunting down royalty-free music that fits the topic.

My new Wicked video is an hour long. So we're looking at at least 60 hours of editing. Adding everything else to it, that's 100 hours for 1 video. 100 hours I have to conjure up between working hours and chores and life stuff and a little important thing called free time.

And yes, I could not bother as much with editing and just... let an image stay on screen for a minute.

But I don't want to do that. Part of why I never want YouTube to be my job is I don't want to have to just put videos out just so I can make rent!!!

As long as YouTube stays my hobby, as long as I'm not doing it for the money, I can focus on putting quality upfront. Because I know a lot of small creators who have to put out the video, even if it feels halfbaked, bc that's what it means to be financially tied to an algorithm (and why I never want that for myself!)

That's how you get "reading reddit comments" videos. There's no substance to it at all, because there's no time to get to it.

I don't want that for my videos and therefore I always want to take my time making videos. I want them to be polished and most of all, *I* want to be proud of the videos I make.

So yes, it's a continuous process. I'm also in the process of writing a script for a gaming channel video, and a new chapter for my multiverse fic and oh also working on a massive video for my video essay channel. And then I have like 10 other projects that are in my backlog, waiting to be released and to be worked on.

That's right. I have a queue for my hobbies. Fuck me. That's depressing. I'm pretty much never not working on my projects. You just don't get to see it, because I don't try to monetize the shit out of it.

It'll come when it comes. Same for Wickedly Queer part II. Relax. I'm just an individual with a hobby. Not a corporation.

[pulim-v]

I'm so sorry bestie but this one is gonna get us killed by the fandom: if you think the villain's should have gotten a redemption arc but think endeavor didn't deserve one, you're a hypocrite 100%

This is coming from someone who didn't like endeavors atonement arc. I don't like how characters treat him so softly. I don't like how rei forgives him so easily and pushes him around in his wheelchair. I don't like how hawks is reduced to endeavor fanboy hypeman. I don't like how none of the heros treat him differently once the news comes out!! I don't like it!! But endeavor did change, he removed himself from his kids lives, he apologized to his children and wife, and didn't argue when natsuo went no contact with him.

The Villains on the otherhand? They didn't want to change, and that was the point! Izuku wanted to save shiggy, but shiggy didn't let him. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Same for touya. His family desperately tried to cool him down but he literally let his hatred burn him alive. These people were too far gone to be saved, they deserved help sooner. That's why the phrase "we keep reaching our hand out" is so important. Even after failing to save those they were trying to, they a still reach out their and in an attempt to save those who need it, so something like that never happens again. (I'm not including toga in this cuz fuck what happened to her)

If you're argument is that they deserved better or whatever bc of their tragic backstories; they still killed people. So many people. So many random innocent people that had nothing to do with their trauma. At best they would be in prison for life with mandated therapist sessions. Actions still have consequences (which I wish endeavor had, but in his case rei would have to press charges herself since it's domestic abuse and not murder, which I don't think she would do)

At least endeavor did SOMETHING in his arc, the villains just doubled down(except for toga, my fucking baby look what they did to you)

Okay going to address the paragraphs one by one cuz there's a lot here and I don't want this to be as rambly as the other post LMAO

the villains should have been redeemed/endeavor didn't deserve to

Lowkey? I don't think there's such a thing as being deserving of a redemption arc or not. It's like you said, Endeavor chose to get better and the villains didn't. They were all given the opportunity to be better people, and turned that down for their petty revenge. That is literally the point of the Todoroki storyline.

2. Endeavor's arc is kinda bad actually

I feel like it's all a byproduct of how rushed the latter half of MHA feels. I think somewhere around the Joint Training arc Horikoshi realized he set up far too much stuff for it to pay off without MHA turning into Naruto or One Piece and pretty much every character suffered from that lmao

Endeavor is especially bad because his arc depends IMMENSELY on how other characters react, and despite the immense amount of time put into the Todoroki family plot, the only characters with any nuance to their opinions of him are Shoto and Toya. Natsu just hates him, Fuyumi is given no explanation on why she forgives him, and Rei is just. a mess (why did she say it was partially her fault that Toya got hurt. no it wasn't. it was the domestic abuser's fault.)

3. The villains just doubled down

Yeah. Like you said yeah that's the point, they were offered the chance to get better and they all turned it down (apart from Toga like you said, and... I'll get to her), and ultimately what the narrative is extremely blatantly trying to say is that you should always offer a helping hand to people, and if they turn it down, that's their choice yes, but you should learn from that. If you can't solve a problem you should at least try to prevent it from happening again. that's the point of the little kid in the final chapters, a random civilian helped a kid that looked supposedly had an evil quirk and next time we see him he's in UA.

4. "oh but they deserved better"

Hate that I don't have a better term for this but it's a case of Voldemort-Umbridge syndrome. A lot more fandom people have dealt with abuse than with mass murder, and the villains are shown in a sympathetic light where Endeavor very much wasn't, so a lot of people tend to focus a lot on Endeavor's actions and not as much on the villains'. So like yeah objectively they did worse things than Endeavor lmao they still deserved the chances they got to get better but. they didn't take them. They are generally dangerous people they'd end up locked in Tartarus like AfO if they were tried for their crimes, and that would both be a less satisfying ending and not at all something they would be okay with. Hell we got something close to that with Toya and his last scene was just him saying how much he fucking hated the other Torodokis. He was offered the chance to improve a thousand times and did not take it.

5. At least Endeavor did something, the villains just Didn't

Lowkey I'm kinda disappointed with that, The villains don't really??? Develop that much???? They're kinda mid tbh.

Shiggy is a horrible leader who loses said leadership due to losing all autonomy in the 2nd war

Toya does not ONCE change. at all. We get to know more about him but he is a completely static character.

Spinner is the whole thing of a marginalized person being manipulated into being the bad guy by a member of the oppressive class, tbh that whole arc didn't sit right w me but

Remember Compress?

Toga. OOOOOH Toga. The way she was fumbled in the second war is insane. She died of blood loss because she stabbed Ochaco. She fucking died of blood loss because of a single impulsive decision. The one villain that did the least heinous crimes (Spinner notwithstanding) and is has an actual good fucking excuse for said crimes pretty much kills herself. Hey Hori, you could have illustrated the point about people being willing to change more easily if you just let her live :D you didn't need to make up a new character for the final three chapters this story already struggles with far too many people being in it :D you could have rehabilitated her :D:D:D:D:D

So yeah shounen manga with a rushed af final act suffers from the characters in said final act having rushed conclusions to their arcs, more at 11

[kidspawn]

Hey! I think ur super cool! Any advice on how to deal with hate/rude messages and comments?

Ooooooo yes absolutely. There are a few ways to handle hate, and it depends on your approach. How do you perceive who is giving you hate, how do you perceive yourself and your actions in conjunction with hate, and how do you act in accordance with it? This is a rambly and sleep deprived stream of consciousness of my perception on the navigation of hate and disrespect. (And if my tone towards whoever is sending you hate is harsh it's honestly because I think people who send internet hate are the lowest of the low and I cannot imagine wanting to put someone down for sharing parts of themselves.)

If someone is taking the time to send something negative your way it says far more about them than it does about you. The first thing I do is restructure the comment and its intention. If they wanted to provide critique or assistance, there were better ways to go about it, so all they wanted to do was gain power by hurting your feelings and devaluing your work. Which means the ball is now in your court because you do not have to respond in a way that satisfies their intent.

So, once you've recognized the person burning energy and letting you live rent free in your head is not worth the time and brain power necessary to really let it weight you down (ofc easier said than done but I PROMISE if they are sending you hate they are not worth listening to), now you can form a response. I take a few approaches in navigating the waters of whatever buffoon had nothing more in life more important than sending moronic and pointless hatred.

You can ignore them, but this really depends on your mentality, I think. I am not someone who can turn the other cheek very often to genuine hateful behavior, especially if it is aggressive or attacks something I care very deeply about. I think there are advantages to just blocking them, moving on, and getting satisfaction in knowing they just wanted a reaction and you gave them none. But it often takes a lot not to let it get to you, and I'm someone with a lot of anxiety and that can really affect me. It depends. If it's an attack on my character like... ok? I'll ignore that more often than not. Maybe let myself feel hurt (which is really valuable - validate your feelings. You are not failing by letting any negative comments impact you.) but overall this person is hiding behind a computer screen and had nothing better to do. They don't know you. They want to hurt you and they will throw anything your way to do so. It's harder with something you've made, or a vulnerability you've exposed. Attacking someone's art or writing is an especially hurtful and petty act. And it's not easy to ignore. So I say ignore them, but I think that is so much easier said than done.

This is the part where I should double down and say like... "oh treat people how you want to be treated! be the bigger person! don't respond! turn the other cheek!" which I disagree with. You don't owe them anything, so if you want to respond you should. I think making people feel bad for being affected by hate is the wrong approach. I also think having a response or calling them out on being (pardon my french) assholes does not make you a less kind individual. Being kind (if being kind is important to you, and you seem very sweet so I stress this especially bc from someone who grew up being told to be "nice" I still struggle with standing up for myself) doesn't mean you have to sit there and take criticism. I'll get off my soap box in a second, but you can be kind and call someone out for being heinous. Being kind does not mean being a doormat, it means you are also kind to yourself.

My go to is typically to make a joke of it or rationalize until they talk themselves in circles and/or look foolish. Especially if you're funny, anon, and I bet you're INCREDIBLY funny. I get a funny energy from you. And I really get a thrill from making light of it, even if it does hit a little close to home. I hope this makes sense. Sometimes when I get hate in my ask box and I CANNOT be bothered to just hit delete (though that is very fun, and cathartic) i just unleash my best material on them. You told me to die? Well, I just performed a comedy stand up special. Who's winning in life? Not the fool who just lost my epic roast battle. I'm funny and sexy and and skilled. They are not. They are sad and petty and hateful and instead of going out and getting coffee with their friends they are sitting on their devices and taking unnecessary shots at you.

I also think just letting them make a fool out of themselves by remaining rational is enjoyable. This is something I deal with most often when someone attacks my ideas. I write a lot of character analysis, and I engage in a decent amount of controversial ships. (Which shouldn't even be controversial but I digress) So when someone tries to attack your ideas, feel free to break it down for them. I get a personal satisfaction from this, one entirely disconnected from the person sending hate. This is very "open internet forum" specific and something I do on places like tumblr, tbh. You're attacking my ship? Here's a long breakdown of why I like this ship, why you're wrong about your view on it. You think I'm a moron who doesn't understand a character? Here's my MLA formatted essay on what about this character made me write or portray them in this manner. I think this is more a redirection. Because what started as this horrid and disrespectful scenario has turned into an opportunity to express my feelings on something I love. Because the person trying to hurt you is wanting you to take this personally and get defensive and petty and mean back.

This is all general advice, mainly involving fandom disputes, but let me come at it from a creative perspective. The internet is so beautiful and inspiring of creativity and it is also incredibly cruel. They will see someone passionate about their work and they will tear you down because they do not occupy the same creativity or bravery to share a piece of yourself. They are attacking you because they do not like seeing you enjoy yourself. They have NOTHING better to do. And that is so incredibly sad, in my opinion. You are doing something extraordinary, even if you won't admit that to yourself, and they are doing something hateful. You are creating something and they are tearing something down. I want you to remember that first and foremost. YOU are doing something meaningful. I hate being cliche, but the best thing you can do is approach yourself with love. And keep creating. Keep making art and putting pieces of yourself in it. Because you are doing something worthwhile, something with heart and ambition and joy and whimy. Do it for yourself, because you deserve something special just for you. Try to focus on yourself. Once again, I stress that being a kind person is being kind to oneself.

I think I want to round this out by saying that you, whoever you are, do not deserve the hate you've gotten. You are incredibly skilled and wonderful and full of something significant enough another person feels the need to tear it down. And you deserve to be uplifted for your creations, your thoughts, your character. You deserve kindness and warmth and it is the worst part of the world we live in that someone on the internet sees you doing something you love, existing in peace, and feels the need to tear you apart. So, with all sincerity, I say that you deserve to feel your feelings, feel your hurt and you deserve to keep creating. For every one person who comments something hateful, one hundred more have seen your work and have gotten delight and joy and love from it. Because at the end of the day, you can respond any way you want to. But what matters most is what you do next, and I cannot stress how important it is that you push forward and keep creating, keep putting yourself out into the world in the way you have been brave and bright enough to do so. And, honestly? Have a laugh at their expense. Because like I said: you are doing something extraordinary, and you should take solace in the fact you are doing so.

I hope you have a wonderful day. Please take some time to be kind to yourself, however that looks. You deserve love and warmth and support and that is said from the very bottom of my heart <3

[auxtowns]

Gold Amazon - Genderbend AU Brainstorming

See I have other AUs guys

Posting here some of the rambles I've done with @ectogusher / @doodlingwren and @awesomesauce2929 !

On this post, I'll be mainly focused on the gold saints -> Amazons.

ND Amazons -

I've only really got to think of Genderbend for only a handful of golds. And one of the main reasons to it is bc, I like to think that the 18th century is the first time Amazons make it to the highest ranking in Athena's army. Which translates into not all golds have been genderbent as a result;

The golds I have genderbent:

Shion;

Dohko;

Kaiser;

Deathtoll wouldn't be genderbent per se, it just means they would present themselves a lot more feminine leaning. They are still NB in essence, it's just the way they prefer to refer to themselves changes ever so slightly. DT also wouldn't be referring to themselves as an Amazon;

Historically speaking, Athena's army has always been really harsh on women, there's a very apparent bias to saints & male warriors (which becomes all the more apparent their trainings, with Amazons' feeling quite lackluster compared to their male counterparts.). So, the odds have almost always been stacked up against them.

Despite all the odds, for the very first time in the 18th century, at least 3 Amazons filled the shoes of the Army's elite. It was a huge leap and progress, but it still didn't bring in any immediate changes to the army's structure.

And even when Sanctuary had a woman as its Pope, something entirely new, in Shion. It also didn't mean she brought any significant changes, to the way Amazons/women were treated, even less tried to do anything about their trainings.

Suikyo would also have been genderbent into an Amazon, I'm just not touching on her here bc the focus rn is on Golds.

Classic

The 20th Century is the very first line up to be entirely filled out, by Amazons. Something that never happened before. Especially considering that, some of the girls were originally going to be drafted to the Saintia roles. BUT seeing there wouldn't be any men, to take on the role of saints. All the 20th century's appendixes were put into the role of Amazons.

Ironically, the first one that would bring any real changes would be none other than Saga, while she was disguised as the Pope. Utilizing her newfound position and power, she sought out to create a field that mainly benefitted herself above all else. But, it also ended up benefiting the other Gold Amazons.

Some changes included giving the girls ampler access to knowledge (letting them reach the same level as their counterparts), continue their trainings, give them more freedom/lee-way for themselves. Saga, whether she saw it coming or not, was crucial to elevate the amazons importance even though her motivations were selfish ones.

The Mask rule is still as crucial as ever for them. Going as far as for them having to cover their faces with anything, when they aren't wearing their cloths.

Some opt to wear headscarfs, whereas others tend to get creative with it (e.g.:Aldebaran keeps her motorcyclist helmet on almost at all times).

Omega

The 21st century saw the return of a handful saints amongst the high ranks, BUT considering how a good chunk of it were brought on board during Mars' reign. Former Mars followers find themselves in a grey area (but not for long, given that most of them were killed in the confrontation against Kouga and his friends).

Pope Harbinger in a way, follows Saga's steps to bring even bigger changes towards the amazons. Basically, expanding even more on what Saga may have started.

The Mask rule is still prevalent, especially for ceremonies and special dates, BUT it's no longer being as enforced as it once used to be.

[chainsandcherries]

ok i am b'edibled so bare with me but: i am having a good day and i realize i am protecting this from myself. like i'm refusing to give myself a reason to feel like i don't deserve a good day every once in a while, or that i secretly fucked something up & the rug will be yanked so i should feel guilty for this mysterious and in all reality unlikely professional/social/emotional gaffe.

which reminded me of how i got here:

(talk of anxiety, mental health and weed below)

a million years ago, on a different lifetime of mine, someone told me that weed will make anxiety worse, and i was instantly afraid to ever partake because What Do Mean This Could Be Worse. (a/n: refusing to smoke weed is v funny introspect considering the everything else i put my body through at the time 💀) a chunk of time and some peer pressure later, i became a d.a r.e. dropout for real: i'd said "fuck it" and rolled the dice to see if that was true. and it is! sometimes!

like about two years ago i ruined christmas because i had one of the worst panic attacks of my life when i ate 100mg of D9 bc i misread the label and thought there was 25mg in the entire cookie. oopsie!

so i looked it up, and my understanding was that one if the side effects of thc is increased heart rate, which lends itself to heightened anxiety! so from then on, whenever i started to feel anxious while stoned i would tell myself like "it's just a physical reaction, not mental. there's no reason other than a side effect. you're okay. you're okay." and that reminds me to stop looking for a reason to be anxious, and eventually i stop flipping through my mental rolodex of What Ifs and Remember Whens.

eventually i started to do this when i'm not stoned, too - if i start feeling my anxiety ramp up, i take a moment to sit with myself and ask why this could be happening.

did i actually piss someone off? if they haven't said anything, it's none of my business. if they haven't said anything, it's because they like/respect me more than whatever i did to wrong them, and that is a more important takeaway - you're loved even if you fuck up. is what i'm upset about within my control? if not, then let it go & deal with it as it happens if it happens. if it is, what can i do in this moment, go do that. if someone else was this upset over that scenario, what would you say to them? is this reaction i'm having proportional to the potential issue? is this actually happening or are you preparing, and why do you need to?

in today's case, i asked myself why i won't allow myself to be okay? why do i always feel like i need to have something wrong? like with love & peace girl shut up and enjoy feeling happy. you want it for everyone else, want it for yourself too.

and holy shit wouldn't you know it: it helps SO much. it's not 100% foolproof, but less anxiety is less anxiety. i carry my anxiety like a security blanket and though it is heavy i've had it my whole life, and i don't know who i could be without it. and oh my god do i want to meet her.

anyways i'm rambling so my whole point is: i do this so often now that working through whatever i'm upset about is getting quicker & easier. it's no longer a conscious choice i make to start going over these questions with myself! everyone's a wip and over the last couple of years i've been working a lot on myself. figuring out a way to get my own anxiety in check is one of the biggest accomplishments i think?

i'm proud of myself :)

[airbrushfather]

@paz-45 asked so here are my 5 ee tattoos lmao (warning for me just rambling absolute shit under the cut)

my first ever tattoo - jon's handwriting and a wild wave because i love violent sun so much. looking back the handwriting tattoo isn't something i'd do today but it's what got me started on getting tats at all and i had a very positive experience (both w getting it and w asking jon for the writing lmao)

the teeth are not related, for the record. writing is about 6 months healed in this pic and almost 18 months healed now. also i know no one asked but since i love talking about tattoos - this is on the outside of my forearm and the pain was about a 3/10. super easy placement if you want somewhere to put a first tattoo that won't kill you off immediately.

classic lil gth hand. i always forget i have this because it's on the back of my arm (hence the bad photo too, say hello to my ear) but i do rlly love it, my artist did a very good job. it's about 5 months healed in this pic and just under 18 months healed now. this is on the back of my upper arm, the pain was probably a 4/10. a little spicy towards the inside but nowhere near the worst, certainly less painful than the inside of the bicep for instance. i also never find colour that bad (lines are worse imo) but i know some people do, so i guess if you came to this post looking for genuine tattoo advice, take that into consideration

these eyes are, technically, ee related - and please excuse this horrible photo, they're really hard to get a pic of! but me and my artist designed them together based on put me together's bridge - 'is it the darkest night/or is that dawn in your eyes?' it's a very important song to me and i love these tattoos, especially the dawn one with all the little details. it actually looks a little better now it's healed, it's settled into itself a lot more. they're super fresh in this pic (less than a month each, i got them within about a week of each other) and about a year healed now

pain wise this is a rough placement. the bottom one especially was one of my most painful tattoos - probably an 8/10. it proved i could never tattoo my actual knee because i genuinely had a terrible time of it. though weirdly the top one was really easy, probably a 6/10

i find this one incredibly hard to photograph bc of the way it wraps but my favourite line from final form (i stole the idea from someone in atb but it's one of my favourite sentiments, as in, this is my first body so i will make mistakes, and it is my last body so i will look after it). i broke one of my only tattoo rules for this too, which was No Words. i doubt i'll get any more words after this bc i don't think they'd really fit very well w the rest of mine, but i thought this was a really nice way to cuff my patchwork arm.

it's about 6 months healed in this video (from today). pain was probably another 8/10, wrist is a very spicy placement but not the worst one by any stretch. the outside (first body) was easier than the inside (last body) and it was definitely tolerable, tbh it was almost more annoying to heal than it was to get

i do have plans for more ee related tattoos (i want to get one from each album, so i have arc and rdf left to conquer) but atm i can't get anything because i have serious trust issies w new tattooists (and i love my artists who i know already) and my shop is currently 200 miles away. i'll probably get one in summertime if i have the money. i really like that for the most part they're not super obvious what they are, even the hand isn't bam in your face this is album artwork unless you're in the know. no hate to those kind of tattoos (ive seen some sick tattoos of the whole gth cover or at least the entire guy) it's just not my kind of thing, i like to be mysterious.

sorry for talking so much, but getting tattoos is my only personality trait. i could and would literally speak about it all day. consider this your formal piece of danny's tattoo advice. none of these are my most painful placements and none were my most painful tattoos, but everybody is different so if you genuinely do want this advice, take it with a grain of salt. and if anyone wants more of my advice/further tattoo tours, feel free to ask (idk why you'd want advice from me but i have probably about 40 tattoos at this point and i want to talk about it. because i'm boring and inufferable. i'm A Tattoo Person. this is my coming out </3)

cheers for looking x

[matthew-taurus]

So, as I'm sure we all know, family is a very important thing when it comes to HIVE. It's the main theme, and there's all sorts of different families shown too. Found family, estranged family, family getting cut off (AKA getting murdered), and even a few healthier dynamics here and there.

With that being said, I recently discovered something that's actually very significant to a character and his connection with his family (or lack thereof I suppose) that I don't think I've seen anyone else talk about.

Before I get into this I do apologize if none of this makes sense. My thoughts are Everywhere and I'm writing this in one sitting so bear with me. I'll also be putting this under a read more bc idk if posts get condensed in tags and this will get Long.

We all know Wing is the only character actually born into the last name Fanchu, and likely the only person ever in-universe. The name is a mashup of two other Chinese surnames (Fan and Chu), and while this could just a creative choice on Mark's end to give a character an iconic name, I think it holds a lot of significance with the whole family and ESPECIALLY Wing.

One significant thing taken from this is that the last name being made up works so well with the family and how they came to be! Wu Zhang and Xiu Mei Chen never intended to start a family, they just happened to unfortunately be at the wrong place at the wrong time and needed to find safety. Fanchu could very easily just be a name made up on the spot by one of them (listen idk how practical that would be okay). Two characters come together to create a family that shouldn't exist, and the surname they use is one that doesn't exist!

Speaking of things that shouldn't exist, Wing was never meant to be born. If Project Overlord had gone as planned, he wouldn't have existed at all. Hell, it's very likely that his parents weren't even planning to have a kid (though you'd think these two geniuses would know about protection but hey whatever). Wing's birth was an accident, basically, in many ways.

So we have a kid who should've never existed, born into a last name that was likely completely made up! Symbolism, baby! Now yes, I could definitely be looking way too deep into this, but hey that's the fun of these books! It's not HIVE if there isn't an insignificant detail that's actually super interesting when you think too much about it.

Anyways that's all I can think about ATM when it comes to this topic but feel free to add on! I'm sure most of you know just how much I love this damn family and I am CRAVING content.

Okay anyways bye enjoy my rambling

[mourning-museum333]

Sometimes none of this feels worth it. Sometimes all of my patterns and shit will all stay the same and why keep trying when all of it my brain is just wired to continue to do over and over and over again.

Sometimes it just feels like I’m on a fucking hamster wheel sitting at the bottom bc I’ve ran that circle so many times I’d rather do nothing than do that bullshit again.

Look I know I’m making progress. Like logically I see it. I see the changes I’ve made. These specific couple seem to linger around longer than I’d like them to and it’s starting to get on my last nerve bc these last few problems are what keeping me from being happy. Having the things I desperately want in my life. Not just want tho…need…I need to know someone truly has my back and has it when I don’t fucking pay them to care or has it before I threaten suicide (theirs context to that. I have never like straight up threatened suicide and more expressed I was having those feeling and then people realized that my mental health wasn’t great where they might have not taken it as seriously). I don’t think I have people in my life that would be down for me the way that I would for them. I don’t there are people in my life that love me the way that I love them. It’s not that I have unrealistic expectations either..I don’t need a lot..I’d be willing to give back everything I’m asking for or learn way they need for me to care for them. I know I’m not an amazing person. I know I’m not particularly impressive, fancy or even useful but I am loving, kind (for the most part lol) and really do care……

Listen I know I’m just rambling on at this point it just feels like this is all a waste of time sometimes. If I wasn’t so focused on getting the 2 things I never got (unconditional love and self love) and put all the energy into more material things I might be farther alone. I think I’d also be wrong tho. Those things are great but life is about accepting ones self more and more and sharing it with other. Basically loving yourself and others. Idk if we have much more than that really. Maybe I’m wrong? I’m not quite sure really. We have our own goals and needs based on what we already have or have access to when we’re born with or able to get as you go through life. So people priorities change.

I think mine just feels so important is bc I don’t know if I’ve ever truly experienced unconditional love without the ties of abuse added. Idk what it feels like that have a friend or loved one really truly feel like I could rely on them not to hurt me. So maybe it just feels more urgent bc it’s one of those things that you can replace. You need love or you gain access to fear. It might be that simple.

I have no idea if any of this made sense and honestly who care. None of this matters anyway lol!

[theropoda]

1, 9, 12, and 19 for any oc(s) of your choice :>

HI!!!!!!!!!! Thank You for uttering the words "any ocs of your choice". Youhave now unlocked My Power (rambling about all three of them)

under readmore bc it got kind of long. lol. (smiles)

1: Is your OC in love? If so, with whom, and for how long? as of 4E 200.... none of them presently, nope. i think the most all three of them have experienced is crushes they never confess to. funnily enough i never find myself writing about romantic relationships very often LOL. maybe it'll change in the future though, the nature of ocs is that they and their stories are everchanging. or so the case is for mine...

9: What is your OC’s favorite small way to show their love? im not entirely sure what this question means but im gonna try answering this anyways. i think imetethys would show his love, either platonic or romantic, by just talking to the person he loves, showing interest in their life and what they're doing. conversing or lending an ear, letting them talk about whatever is on their mind. asking if they need help with anything..

i think for akhiza it would differ on if it's romantic or platonic. i think she would be a little too shy to show someone her affection if it's romantic! she is an embarrassed mess when she's in love. but if its platonic she likes to just spend time with a person, not necessarily interacting with them but taking up the same space. oh my god it's kind of like how cats do irl LOL.

i think for farrenicar he will ask people if there is anyway he can help them out, returning favors, if they need assistance with anything, stuff like that. he always wants to make himself useful to people he cares about.

12: What do you love most about your OC? i love that akhiza is a bit of a contradictory character. early on in her characterization i used to struggle with her because i had two pretty opposing ideas about what kind of person she'd be...but then i realized i could put both together because sometimes people just are contradictory like that. it's both part of who she is but also a source of turmoil sometimes.

for imetethys it's that if he was a real person id definitely hang out with him. he's very sociable and playful and fun. also even despite all the Horrors that he experiences in morrowind he still strongly holds onto a sense of mischievousness despite life metaphorically (and sometimes literally) beating the shit out of him. also i like writing about his relationship with his siblings :) (i often find myself more inclined to write about family dynamics and relationships than romantic ones, lol)

i like farrenicar's solitary behavior and how hard he represses any and all issues he has, convincing himself he is perfectly fine. its interesting making a guy whose very self-isolating despite humanity (or, humerity..???) being an inherently social species. Also the fact that, for as nice and mellow as he can be (on the rare occasions he does open up to people) he is also capable of Incredible Amounts of Violence And Bloodlust. i like characters like that. Also i do think i went off with his design tbh

19: How highly does your OC value love (platonic, romantic, or otherwise)? akhiza and imetethys value love a lot, akhiza grew up fairly disconnected from other people around her but her family's always been there for her and has supported her the most in her life. they're def the most important people in her life. imetethys is also very close with his family though he didn't grow up as lonely as her, he had many friends in his hometown. farrenicar thinks love is important but he doesn't put much importance on it in his life in particular.

[fruigity]

UGH exactly

​It’s so important how characters are shaped by their life experiences, and so naturally, none of the Fionna and Cake counterparts are exactly the same as their base Adventure Time versions. Bc it’s not just a genderbent universe, it’s a universe that takes place in a much more mundane, regular world.

Being shaped by the experiences they have in a mundane world rather than in OOO which is full of danger and excitement results in all the characters being a lot more, idk, chill I suppose? But also mature I think. Altho some of that might also be the show’s more mature age demographic too.

Like you said, Bonnie is an immortal monarch with a ton of responsibilities, and that has made her a bit of a control freak in certain situations, and generally more serious about things imo. Gary doesn’t really have that vibe tho. Like Bonnie, he’s particular about things, as seen by how he has a 26 or so step plan for getting his own bakery, and how he values organization and such, but that’s about it, and the way he is particular about things is also very different from how Bonnie is particular about things. And this all makes sense, bc Gary is NOT an immortal monarch, and that is so core to Bonnie, so of course he won’t have the same traits as her that are a result of that life experience.

And I’ve always thought Marshall was a lot more chill than Marceline. That’s not to say Marceline isn’t chill, that’s absolutely part of her character, but Marshall is a lot more monotone and less outwardly expressive than she is, and I think part of that definitely comes from what you said about how Marceline tends to bottle things up until she explodes, whereas Marshall prefers to distance himself. He generally seems a lot more like, relaxed and down to earth than Marceline, I would say. It’s hard to say if there’s a reason for this that I can trace directly back to the setting and its resulting circumstances, but yeah. It might just be that Marceline has so much more STUFF going on in her life due to like, the Great Mushroom War, being half demon, being a vampire, being immortal, living in a world like OOO, all that stuff.

And then of course Fionna feels RADICALLY different from Finn due to their difference in setting. Both seek thrill to get away from their problems, however Finn lives in a world full of thrill, and so as he ages into an adult, there’s nothing that stops him from holding onto that attitude and just running off for an adventure as a distraction whenever he feels like it. Fionna however does not live in that kind of world, and the yearning for adventure like that where there is none leaves her much more visibly depressed and constantly frustrated. Both are reluctant to accept things for the way that they are, but only one has constant access to the escapism they need to run away from that, which allows Finn that constant hyper-optimism you mentioned, which is definitely not present in Fionna.

Idk I’m kinda rambling at this point but basically I’ve been thinking this and I love how it shows how much thought was put into everything, and it’s so neat and enjoyable to watch bc it’s like getting to know a whole new cast of characters while still feeling like you already know them to some extent.

one thing i really like about the fionna and cake series - which also applies to the original episodes but obviously not with as much weight or relevance - is how the au characters aren't all just the same copy-pasted personalities of their ooo counterparts. this also goes for all the other dimensions they visit of course, but i wanna talk about our fionna's world in comparison to our simon's world specifically.

fionna is NOT finn. even though they're around the same age at this point they're different people shaped by different experiences and struggles. they're both sorta absent-minded thrillseekers prone to escapism, but while finn is hyper optimistic and has an innate desire to help/cheer up those around him (even if he doesn't always do it right), fionna seems a bit more reluctant on sympathizing with other people's problems, or at least it doesn't come as naturally to her, and even when she's focused her own goals she doesn't have the same drive. this is clearly a big part of her arc, but it takes a lot to motivate her to put genuine effort into things - even those that matter to her.

similarly, gary is NOT bonnie and marshall is NOT marceline.

like bonnie, gary is a huge nerd and a workaholic with attention to detail, but he's shown to have a lot less confidence in himself. he gets easily crushed by the disappointment of others, it embarrasses him to talk about his dreams and interests, and he's generally not very confrontational - in contrast to bonnie who's not only a monarch with a huge amount of responsibility on her shoulders, but also takes way more pride in her intellect and her work, and isn't afraid of voicing her opinions.

and like marceline, marshall is an extroverted smooth talker who uses art to express himself, and clearly has more baggage than he likes to admit, but i feel like the way he avoids his problems is noticeably different from marceline. while marceline tends to bottle everything up until she explodes (and isn't that good at hiding it), marshall seems more prone to distance himself completely from negative thoughts, as long as he can get away with it. like more of a "this is a problem for another day, i'll just ignore it and focus on what makes me happy right now" attitude. he also just seems to be more patient overall.

it's just really neat! like they've always tried to make the f&c counterparts feel different and fun in their own ways, but now that it's Their Show they obviously have to give even more depth to their identities, and i think it's been doing a great job of making us care about them for who they are.

[yoshilisk]

WHAT Is happening in trigun stampede... i don't watch it i'm just nosy and i like hearing people hate on stuff... talk about it‼️‼️‼️

so um. i'm gonna do a readmore bc i rambled a lot and also what in the goddamn

so, some context assuming you're not familiar with The Lore. in trigun, humans are able to survive in terrible conditions because of plants: creatures that can create electricity, food, water, all kinds of things. they can't live outside of a controlled atmosphere, so they're kept in large glass containers. in the manga they look like angelic beings; in stampede, presumably for "gotta make the names literal" reasons, they look like alien fairies with flower petal wings. in both cases they're always feminine-looking.

vash and his twin brother, knives, are independent plants--they look like humans and can survive in the outside world. in the manga, vash & knives often refer to the other plants as their sisters, and vice versa. iirc the plants call vash "red brother" which is cute :)

anyway. context over. in the most recent episode of trigun stampede, knives has abducted vash and put him in some Sci-Fi Water. this allows him to invade vash's mind by stabbing him with his knives (which he makes from his body, and that's why he's called knives. this is actually NOT a case of orange trying to make all the names literal--he was always like that). he spends the episode erasing vash's memories to, in his view, "fix" vash's love for humans. during that process vash becomes petrified and sprouts a bunch of tree roots. some of the roots reach out and attach to some plants nearby.

a scientist working for knives gives exposition: in this version, plants are able to create things by pulling from a "higher dimension." he asks, rhetorically, why independents like vash & knives have free will and the other plants don't. then he says it's because the others are just husk bodies that don't have souls. so knives is going to use vash's unique special powers to go to the higher dimension, touch the "core," and give all the plants souls.

then the plants lower their petal-wings to reveal their bodies. the tree roots coming from vash are attached to their... very pregnant-looking stomachs, and their faces are agape.

not only is NONE of this anything like the original story, but i just... i genuinely don't know what the point of it all is. i've seen people say that last part is playing into a theme of bodily autonomy being stolen, but i still really do not like it. the manga also had themes of autonomy re: the plants, but it was generally in a "being treated as a tool or an object, not a person" way. labor exploitation type stuff. not... the main character being (either metaphorically or literally) forced to impregnate a bunch of his fellow kind?? who, again, were referred to in the original version as HIS SISTERS???

there's also the fact that stampede has repeatedly minimized and shaved the edges off of female characters, so they're less capable, less important, and have less agency. i feel that the plants being said to have no free will in this version is one more example of that. add in a scene where they're forcefully impregnated and are basically props for shock value, and it just... it feels really bad.

overall my thought is that it's needlessly gratuitous and fucking weird. not that the manga is innocent of being needlessly gratuitous (looking at a certain scene in legato's backstory 😕), but i'd hope for an adaptation to be better about that, y'know? not make up new, different things to be gratuitous about.

(oh, and as a side-gripe, stampede previously downplayed knives being a very paternalistic, "this is for your own good" type character. originally, he cut vash's left arm off because he was mad that vash tried to defy him and just generally wouldn't listen to him about humans being bad. stampede changed it so that he cut vash's arm off to save vash from getting absorbed by a magic sci-fi black hole. now he's back to being paternalistic? make up your mind)