#none of these things passed by my mind when i was choosing luke as next route

[cherryisagamer]

not me being so out of my mind at the angst in Luke's route that I missed posting all the screenshots I took while the said angst drama is deepening, coming to life and death situations and psychological stress for literally everyone involved

[gay-dorito-dust]

My mind is racing right now. I’m just imagining targ!reader who is Rhaenyra’s heir and maybe she’s a realms delight (very politically savvy maybe idk) like her mother was and everyone is trying so hard to get her attention but all she wants is Benjicot and he thinks that he doesn’t have a chance so he doesn’t even entertain the thought of it.

Am I Going Crazy?

No you’re not going crazy anon, I totally understand. I’m just shooting at the hip with with one, so it’s gonna be short and something

The moment you were born the realm fell in love with you just as your family did the second you opened your gorgeous eyes and smiled.

The realms delight was a title once given to your mother when she was younger, was a title now being passed down to you. Everyone from greater house, small houses and even the obscure ones wanted to witness you every smile and every laugh however they could, whether it be on your name day, tourneys or otherwise they all clambered to be in your presence.

‘You had the entire realm at your feet, you could convince the dumb cunt lords and their sons into stupidly plunging into depths of death, should you feel like it.’ is what Daemon says often as to remind you just how much of a hold you held over everyone whereas in a way that your mother didn’t. Or at least not anymore.

You lived relativity with more freedom and leniency then most of similar status, which may have less to you being the core envy for some, but in exchange you were taught by Daemon a plethora of things when came to playing your hand in this game of politics and power. He taught you how to wield a sword and how to keep your opponent guessing your next move, so much so that when training with the likes of Jace, Luke or either Baela and Rhaena you were always ten steps ahead.

Much like your mother, you were granted the privilege to seek out whom ever caught your eye when you were of an eligible age for marriage, so when the news that you offering up your hand in marriage the realm was quick to gather their finest men to speak upon why it is that you should choose them over the others. However none of them were to your taste as some were far too young and could barely pick up a sword, far too old and fat from gorging themselves on wine and food, or just didn’t give a good enough reason for you to marry them other then that they could satisfy you; A line that had them shoved out the door as quickly as they came as you tried to swallow down the bile that rose in your throat.

The Riverlands were beautiful but the reason you came to the Riverlands was for one man and one man only, The new lord of house Blackwood, Benjicot Blackwood. So when you didn’t see the stormy eyed man with the dark hair at the hall you couldn’t help but be a little upset, and so had no choice but to internalise the reasons why and forced yourself to listen to the rest of the men in attendance with a forced look of interest, repressing that restless feeling within your chest to go out and search for him yourself on dragon back if you must.

Soon enough you’ve decided to give yourself a break from it all and wander out to explore of the Riverlands, which was where your marriage tour was currently stationed at, and coming to adore all that you could see in their bright and vibrant colours in comparison to back home. There were Fields that stretched on for miles on end onto the horizon with grass a plenty to feed the cattle, small patches of trees where the birds sung and rested their aching wings and fed on the berries they produce.

Meanwhile with Benjicot he didn’t feel as though he had anything to give to you, the heir and delight of the realm. He was a Lord but there were men of far greater houses then his who could provide you more than he could, and in Benji’s mind he shouldn’t even bother to tempt the idea of you choosing him, not when he knew it was a fight he’ll never win from the beginning. So he didn’t and that hurt him far more then he thought as the idea of not trying, or bothering to try at all would become a regret he would be burdened with carrying for the rest of his life; left alone to ponder in his old age as to what could’ve been had he actually tried.

Oscar and Kermit had tried to convince him into doing something about it but even they couldn’t get his stubborn ass to move an inch, and now both Tully boys could only stand and watch as their friend take his frustrations out on a straw training dummy.

‘This is sad.’ Oscar said as Kermit made a noise of agreement.

‘Very sad.’ Kermit replied as Benjicot moved his attention to another dummy after violently disembowelling the previous training dummy as the straw insides spilled out. ‘He’s probably still wishing that Aeron Bracken was that dummy.’ Kermit then adds as he looks over at his brother, who was doing the exact same.

‘I mean the little twat deserved that pummelling earlier for even thinking he had a chance and now he can’t go because his injuries were too severe.’ Oscar snorted in disbelief before adding on, ‘his uncle knew that if he had let Aeron go in his current state, house Bracken would’ve become a laughing stock of the realm.’

Kermit gave a slight chuckle before looking back at Benjicot and his smile fell from his face. ‘He really likes her…’ he trails off as Oscar’s face now becomes crestfallen and sighs. ‘He does and it easts him up inside that even if he did bother to go, he’d just get rejected regardless.’ Kermit was about to add onto that, when something catches his eye, he spotted a figure emerging from the trees and his eyes widened up seeing it was you and proceeded to smack Oscar in the arm repeatedly.

‘Ow, ow, quit hitting me!’ Oscar said and as he went to hit his brother in the arm as retaliation, his eyes too went wide upon seeing you walking towards them casually.

‘It’s the princess!’ Kermit hissed.

‘Of course it’s the princess dipshit, I’ve got eyes that still see!’ Oscar hissed back.

‘Well obviously he doesn’t!’ Kermit barked as he pointed towards Benjicot, not realising that he just pointed you to the person you’ve been wanting to see most. Meanwhile the lord of house Blackwood was all the more obviously to everything happen, being stuck inside his own head and all, that he didn’t see Kermit and Oscar’s frantic looks over at him as he continued to destroy the third training dummy today nor does he know that you were behind him until you spoke up.

‘What did the training dummies do to deserve such anger?’

Benjicot froze up immediately as he looked out of his eyes at Kermit and Oscar, who were just as frozen to the scene before them as him, as he then took a deep breath and looked over to see that his mind hadn’t been playing him a fool and that you -the realms delight and heir to the iron throne- were actually here in the flesh but why?

You couldn’t help but smile at his shocked expression and tense body language, Benjicot was far more handsome up close than you remembered, all the while still being a shy and awkward but honourable nobleman. ‘Are you alright lord Blackwood? You’re looking a little flustered there.’ You said as you gestured to his cheeks which were burning bright red.

‘Princess, shouldn’t you be on your marriage tour?’ Benjicot asked and already he wanted the ground to swallow him for how stupid he sounded.

‘I am but I’ve decided to put it on hold as to stretch my legs.’ You told him and could see his shoulders deflated a little, ‘besides the person I wished to see most hadn’t shown up, and so I thought that since I am in the Riverlands I shall go seek him out myself instead, drag him back to Raventree hall if I must.’ You then added with a smile as Benjicot’s breath hitched in his throat.

‘And if I may ask princess, but who are you looking for?’ He asks as casually as he could but felt a little under pressure from the looks Oscar and Kermit were giving him as they silently routed for him from a few paces away, his heart elevating even quicker when you took a step towards him.

‘You of course.’ You told him straightforwardly. ‘You were the one person I was hoping to see today.’

‘Why?’ Benji found himself asking without second thought on how it came across. ‘Why me, I have nothing to offer you princess, wouldn’t it be better to have a suitor from a greater house to strengthen your own?’ He didn’t want to believe this was real but also he did want to believe that you had sought him out on your own accord. However this felt too good to be reality, it had to be a dream Benjicot was sure of it, for where else would it be plausible for the person you’ve been yearning after to activity search for him during your marriage tour of all things? It wasn’t something that was even remotely grounded in reality but instead a tale found straight out of an old book.

‘Does it matter as to why I sought you out other then the fact that I’d much rather take you a kind, honourable and honest man, as my husband over some fat cunt of a man?’ You replied as you reached for his hands, desperate to have him trust your words as truth while feeling every one of his calluses press into your hands perfectly, as though the gods made them to hold yours specifically. ‘Does it matter that all I wish to marry out of love and not duty as is expected of me? I am free to marry whoever I wish and I wish for you.’ You add, moving your head so that you could still be in Benjicot’s line of sight when he ducks his head to his chest, seeing you smile so sweetly at him and making his heart leap up into his throat.

‘Tis I where your heart lies princess?’ Benjicot asked softly, not trusting to raise his voice more than a whisper, waiting to wake up from this seamlessly perfect dream. Your smile grew bigger as you pressed your forehead against his own to look him deeper into his stormy eyes that bore an expression of vulnerability and uncertainty. ‘Along with my soul and my mind for countless day, yes, you are where my heart lies Benjicot Blackwood.’ You reassured him, watching the internal conflict within him war against one another for a while before there was nothing but a sweet gleam in his eye.

‘You are where my heart lies too princess,’ Benjicot confessed, pressing his head further against yours with a smile, ‘I’d be more than honoured to be yours.’

You were absolutely glowing upon hearing this as you laughed with pure joy and happiness. your search was over, you had found the one you wanted even though you had to find him first, but that didn’t matter as later that day your marriage tour came to an end as your hand happily secured by one Benjicot Blackwood.

[mandos-lightningbeforethunder]

Start Again - Chapter One (Din Djarin x Reader)

SUMMARY: Luke Skywalker wasn't the only one searching the galaxy for force-sensitive beings. And he was a hell of a lot nicer. You were sure of these visions. They told of a forgotten life and explained the cracks in your memories. Perhaps employing the lone Mandalorian may help you put the pieces together.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: brief mention of torture, discussion of memory loss

Author’s Note: First time posting on both tumblr and AO3 (fic is cross-posted). Feel free to reblog! Other chapters will be linked as the story progresses. Enjoy!

CHAPTER ONE - THE MEMORY

“Castin!”

A boy, no more than ten, turned at the voice of his mother calling him. He was jovial, playing in the riverbed. His clothes will be soaked if I don’t stop him, you thought.

“These men want to speak to you!” Perhaps that would get his attention.

Behind you, three men stood, watching the child as he bound toward his mother. The boy quickly hid behind your skirts, suddenly shy. Castin was almost to your chest now, yet in the presence of strangers, he still acted like a toddler. One of the men crouched to his level, offering a rock.

“Your mother tells me of your abilities,” one of the men hums out.

Castin nods. You watch as the man reaches into his pocket, pulling out a simple stone.

“Show me,” he requests. Castin looks to you, unsure. You nod, offering him a smile to encourage him. You had heard whispers around the galaxy, the Empire defeated and a young Jedi searching for more like him.

Holding the stone between his pointer finger and thumb, the man waits for Castin. His face contorted in concentration, Castin pulls the stone towards him into the palm of his outstretched hand.

The three men hum in admonishment. At such a young age and already showing promise, you hear one murmur. Castin smiles at you, practically beaming from excitement.

“We would like to speak to you about possible schooling if you wouldn’t mind?” The man rises from the ground, offering you a smile.

“Yes, of course. Castin can go back to playing, yes?” You ask, not wanting to bore your son. The man simply nods, turning to walk to your village. You walk just behind the man, passing his two colleagues before you hear the ignition of a saber.

The nightmare has been longer than others. However, the faces remain blank to you. The reminder of what was lost, just in front of you, and yet you hardly remember it. There are whispers about it, about your survival and broken memories.

Staring up at the ceiling of your hut, you closed your eyes to try and engrain the nightmare. Fold it into other nightmares and visions, hoping to fill in the blank spaces in your mind. It did little to help what was left of your memory, however. All you knew, is you had a lost life somewhere out there. The voice in that nightmare was your own.

Someone calls your name. Opening your eyes, you again see the ceiling of your hut and rise from your cot. The twin suns leak sunlight into your hut to signify that it was time for morning chores.

Another shout of your name.

“Just a moment!” You shout back, turning to the bowl next to your cot. You splash the water onto your face, rousing yourself. The creak of your door startles you from drying your face.

“Valara! What have I told you about sneaking up on her?” an elder woman, standing just outside your door, chastises.

“Sorry grandmother,” Valara says, before turning to you. She sees the look on your face and calmly shuts the door behind her. “Did you have another nightmare?”

You only nod, drying your hands before placing the cloth next to the bowl.

“You know there are remedies for that,” Valara suggests.

“I know,” you murmur, “but I’m not ready.”

“You choose to suffer?” She asks. You know she means well. She has been there through your worse ones.

“I had a son,” you turn to her, your eyes meeting hers for the first time this morning. “In this nightmare. I had a son. He couldn’t have been older than ten, I think. His face was a blur, but he was mine. I know that.”

Valara stares at you, her mouth slightly slack in shock. She blinks and is quickly set back in reality. She moves closer to you, placing her hands on your biceps as a means of comfort.

“Are you sure? Wait, no, I mean, I believe you. Your memory has been returning and it looks promising. I just,” she pauses, looking away from you before her eyes meet yours again, “I don’t want your conscious to confuse you with false memories. My grandmother told me your brain uses it to protect you.”

“I know what I saw, Valara,” you state in a firm tone. “It was me, my voice in that nightmare. Not something my conscious could just conjure up.”

Valara’s hands fall to her side, nodding at your words. You can see the gears turning in her head, she’s unsure of what to say.

“There are chores to do. Maybe that will take your mind off things before you have another session with my grandmother,” Valara states, turning away from you. She walks toward the door, before turning to look over her shoulder. She then leaves without another word.

You ponder her words. There were chores to complete. The same chores you had been doing since you first arrived in Valara’s village. You needed change. Something different than this village and its secrets. The constant sessions with Valara’s grandmother were only taking a toll on you. Your memory was improving and yet you felt as zero progress had been made.

Opening the door to your hut the twin suns quickly beat down on you. The winter season, a mere two weeks, had come and gone on Puvo. The grassland planet’s ecosystem only called for summer and spring seasons, with the occasional winter season that came every once in a millennium.

Valara was just ahead of you. Kneeling over the riverbed, she washed the dirt off the leaves of Puvo’s native plant. Known for its healing properties, villages like Valara’s sold the leaves in droves. It was shipped across the galaxy, reaching the far ends of the universe. Valara’s grandmother had used it when you had first arrived, bleeding with a shattered mind. Although the leaves healed the physical wounds, your mind remained in the state you had first arrived in.

You knew only your name and parts of your life before. You didn’t even remember the victory of the Rebels. Valara had to catch you up on the last six months, easing you into the current state of the universe. There was no war, none at Puvo at least, and the galaxy remained peaceful.

You kneel beside Valara, scooping a couple of leaves from her pile, and begin washing them in the flowing water.

“I want to leave,” you whisper to her. Her head jerks to look at yours.

“Leave?” she asks. “You know you can’t do that, not without my grandmother’s permission. Your head…it’s not in the right place for you to go out on your own.”

“I know. That’s why you’re going to help me,” You say, looking at her. Her face is contorted in confusion before the realization hits her.

“No,” she states, shaking her head. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Valara,” you start, “I can’t be here any longer. I know my mind isn’t where it needs to be but being stuck on this planet—” Valara splashes you, stopping your words.

“You’re asking me to sneak you off Puvo,” she reminds you. You nod and she sighs, looking away from you.

“I need change. Puvo and its people, you and your grandmother have treated me with nothing but kindness since I first arrived. Your grandmother helped me piece parts of my mind back together. But staying here could mean years before we make any more progress.” At this point, your tone comes off as pleading.

“Why so sudden? What did you see in that nightmare?” Valara asks, “You’ve been here for nearly a year now and we’ve just put together your earliest memories. Leaving Puvo could mean never recovering other memories. You know, pre-Empire memories.”

Right. The Empire no longer existed and instead, the New Republic stood in its place. A new era of peace.

“Valara. That nightmare…that’s more than I’ve ever seen before. The faces may have been a blur, but I know in my heart that I have a son out there. I don’t even know if he remembers me at this point, but I need to try and at least find him.”

Valara murmurs your name, placing a hand on yours. You take a deep breath.

“You came to us a year ago. Broken, bloody, babbling incoherent things. Grandmother didn’t think you’d survive the night. Stars, whoever or wherever you came from, they tortured you. Don’t you understand?  You’re safer here. There’s a possibility if you have a son out there, the people that did those things to you…they don’t want you finding him.”

“Valara,” you say.

“Don’t, don’t ‘Valara’ me. You say it in that stupid voice of yours and suddenly I melt. Stop it.” She demands, glaring at you. You can see the conflict in her eyes. She means well, she wants to protect you and keep you safe from the people that harmed you.

“What if you came with me?” you offered, taking another leaf from her pile. She shakes her head, focusing instead on the task at hand.

“What if I took a communicator with me? Check-in with you every week or so?” This time, Valara pauses in her work. She looks at you again, placing the leaves down in the basket next to her.

“Those communicators are for transport crews only. They’ll notice when one is missing. And how do you expect to get out of here? The only ships that regularly arrive and depart are those janky old transport ships and they can barely fit a load of Puvion leaves.”

A bag of credits lands next to her basket and she looks up at you.

“Where did you get those?” She demands, snatching the bag and peering inside. You can see her counting the amount.

“I’ve earned them,” you say, taking the bag from her with gentle hands. “Turns out loading those janky old transport ships earn quite a bit of them.”

“Damn it,” Valara curses, but she smiles. She seems proud. “What are you planning on doing with those credits? Bribing your trip to another planet?”

“No. There’s an old watering hole a couple of kilometers from here. From what I’ve read, there’s a couple of travelers who come through and pick up any stragglers in exchange for information or…credits.”

“So, bribery,” Valara deduces. You give a sheepish smile as she rolls her eyes. “Where will you get the communicator?”

“You know that one transport crew? The one with that pilot who thinks he’s the shit?” Her eyes widening is a signal that she knows exactly who you’re talking about.

“Nope. I’ve heard enough. I’m not becoming an accessory to your crimes. You’re crazy.” Valara rises from the riverbed, brushing her hands on her pants. You quickly set aside your leaves and pocket the credits, rising to follow her.

“It’s not becoming an accessory. I just need a favor. His crew arrives tomorrow at the same time as the last. He won’t even notice it’s gone.”

Valara stops, pinching her nose in frustration. She seems to be going over your words, processing them and what they could mean.

“My grandmother is going to kill me…” she sighs. You grin, ready to celebrate but she stops you with her hand. “No, no, you’re getting the communicator yourself. I’m stalling for you, so my grandmother doesn’t wonder why you missed a session.”

You hug her and her surprise is visible. Affection is not lost of the native Puvion, but it’s rare coming from you.

“Thank you,” you say, and she rolls her eyes, returning the hug in a begrudging manner.

Read Chapter Two - The Journey here!

[undyingskies]

Adventure Days

request: yes;

“You did an amazing job with the booboo gf panic attack one.  Could you write one for Willex, Alex is having a bad day with dealing with being a ghost and his anxiety is bad and he’s pacing a lot and is on the edge of a panic attack, Luke finds Willie for him because Willie helps calm him down (Willie is his bf in this) as he’s talking to willie about what’s wrong he has a panic attack and then Willie has to help him though it. Thank you 🙏 I love all of your work your writing is soo good.”

“I hope it’s ok to request a fic. This is for Willex. They are on one of their adventures/dates, Alex is having a bad anxiety day but he didn’t want to tell Willie and ruin his day or scare him off. Alex is not being himself and Willie notices so they have a little chat about Alex’s anxiety and then Willie try’s his best to make Alex feel better. He’s the best boyfriend ever and finds ways to take Alex’s mind of it and makes the day really special for Alex. Lots of comfort, hugs and kisses.” 

A/N: I hope everyone enjoys this one, this was my first time writing about characters so I hope it turned out well! Both of these requests were very similar so I decided to combine the two!

warnings: none

tagged: @mah-gah-lee , she’s the best check her and her fics out!

_____________________________________

Alex had woken up this morning, his anxiety sky rocketing. He had no idea why, sometimes this just happened. Anxiety is a funny little thing that does this sometimes, it doesn’t need a reason to ramp up but it does. 

Alex did his best to get through it and shove it deep down. Today Willie and him were going to go around LA, Willie said he had a few places he wanted to show Alex.

He knew his boyfriend was really excited for the day and he didn’t want to ruin it. He wanted the two of them to have a good day, that was full of fun and laughter, he didn’t want it to be ruined by his anxiety. 

He was waiting for the time to come to meet up with Willie. They had both agreed to meet up at their spot near the beach. Alex had a few minutes before he had to go, which he spent pacing in the bands studio.

He was just trying to get a grip on his shaking hands and shallow breath before he leaves. What he didn’t realize is that Luke and Reggie had poofed in and were watching the blonde walk back and forth.

“You good there buddy?” Reggie asks, breaking the silence in the studio. Which caused Alex to jump. 

“Jesus! I told you two not to do that to me anymore!” Alex yells back frustrated. He’s already overwhelmed by his emotions, he didn’t need his band mates scaring him to add on top of it. 

“And I’m fine. Just a little anxious today is all.” Alex tells them. 

“Can we do anything to help?” Luke pipes up, worried about his friend. He can tell by the look on Alex’s face that he wasn’t just fine but knew not to push it.

“No, thanks though.” Alex says while checking his watch. “Shoot, I’ve got to go meet Willie. I’ll see you guys later.” With that Alex poofed out of the room, leaving his two band mates worried. 

Alex had poofed to the small park next to the beach. He watched as Willie kept busy skateboarding around and through the people who took up the sidewalks. 

Alex shook his head, laughing. It was always interesting to me that Willie did not seem to

mind just to go through people like that. While on the other hand Alex almost always refused to do so, it felt weird and Alex didn’t like that.

Willie rounds the corner, and a huge smile makes its way onto his face as he sees his boyfriend standing there waiting for him. He quickly hops of his skateboard and jogs over to Alex. 

“Hey Alex!” Willie says walking up to him engulfing him a hug not before placing a quick kiss to his boyfriends lips. 

“Hey!” Alex says, shoving his hands into his pant pockets, wanting to hide his shaking hands. “So, what do you have planned today?” 

“I was thinking we could walk around LA for a little today, maybe go up to the hollywood sign? There are also a few pop up museums I wanted to take you too!” Willie says filling him in on his plans. 

Alex can feel his breath hitch a little. He doesn’t know why the plans cause his anxiety to flare up a little more but it does. 

“Sounds good.” Alex says, trying to put on his best smile. Hoping Willie doesn’t notice.

Willie does notice, but chooses not to question it. He knows that if Alex needed to say something he would. 

Willie grabs onto Alex’s hand, and with a smile, poofs them away. 

Alex opens his eyes as his feet hit the floor, he opens his eyes and sees that he’s in some type of museum. An art museum is what he assumes based on the art figured around him. 

“Soooo?” Alex asks.

“This is the neon art museum, I figured you would like it since it’s not the normal type of art museum.” Willie says with a big smile, taking Alex by the hand and dragging him around the museum.

All that Alex can focus on is trying to keep his hand steady in Willie’s. He also couldn’t help but question if Willie could tell that his hand was sweatier than usual or the fact that he kept having to take deep breaths in and out. 

He wanted to keep his anxiety at bay but it kept seeming to break through the wall he was trying to build up.

It was like a damn and it had sprung a few leaks. He was trying to patch the leaks up before it took the whole damn down, but he wasn’t sure how he was doing. 

No matter how many pieces the two of them looked at, or how much information Willie told him about the pieces, Alex couldn’t focus. 

His facade was fading and he knew Willie could tell.

“How about we get out of here? Get some fresh air.” Willie offers noticing Alex’s unusual behavior. 

With that Willie grabs ahold of Alex’s hand again and poofs them out. As usual it’s Willie leading Alex, which causes those thoughts to sky rocket in his brain.

Days like this always cause Alex to panic and he’s started to put the pieces together. Anytime they want to go on a date or adventure, Willie is the one who takes the lead and plans it. 

It makes Alex worry that Willie feels like he doesn’t care or isn’t fun enough since he doesn’t plan these.

As Alex’s feet hit the ground and the view of LA comes into view he can feel a panic attack setting in. The view from the Hollywood sign is calming and it should be peaceful but right now to Alex, it’s anything but. 

Willie can tell something was off, he could tell all day. The sight of Alex right now sitting on the sign, with his head in his palms, worries him and he knows he should ask.

“Is everything okay Alex?” Willie asks him, placing a hand on his shoulder to hopefully comfort it.

Alex just shakes his head yes, knowing he has to get out of there and doesn’t want to start this conversation.

“Ya I’m fine, I just have to go.” For the second time that day Alex poofs out with no other explanation except for the fact that he has to go.

Alex plops down onto the couch in the studio, another body is besides him. As the panic attack fully sets in, he ignored the body next to him, closing his eyes and trying to calm his breathing. 

He can hear the body next to him shuffle around to face him. “You okay buddy?” Those words let him know that the body next to him belongs to Luke. 

Alex shakes his head no, letting his guard finally come down for the day.

“Want to talk about it?” Luke asks. Alex shrugs his shoulders knowing that he might as well get his emotions about.

“I just feel bad. Willie always plans our dates or our adventures and I never come up with any ideas,” he says, “I just feel like I’m boring or that I don’t do enough for the relationship.” 

At his words, Luke sits quietly by processing them. He knows they aren’t true, Willie adores Alex. 

“Have you told him?” Luke asks him. To which Alex responds with a shake of his head. “Well I will be right back.” Luke says with a pat to Alex’s thigh and then poof he is gone. 

Alex sits in silence for a while, hoping that his anxiety will pass. The longer he sits alone he can feel his breathing get shallower and his eyes well with tears.

He slowly slumps to the floor from the couch, letting the panic attack fully take over. He has his arms wrapped around his legs and head buried in between his knees.

Nothing going on outside his little bubble matters to him. He doesn’t hear the two sets of feet hit the floor or hear them come towards him.

He only notices when a pair of arms wrap around him and a voice is in his ear.

“I want you to listen to my voice Alex, okay?” Willie’s comforting voice says. “I want you to try to breath in sync with me okay? I am going to count to 4, 2 in and 2 out okay?” 

With that Willie starts to breath. He breaths in for one and two, then out for 3 and 4. He continues this until he can hear Alex to start breath in sync with him. 

Alex’s breathing starts to slow down, his shaking stops, and his crying can’t be heard anymore. He just lets Willie continue to breath and breath in sync with him.

Willie’s presence just calming him down, as well as his hands rubbing small circles on his back.

Willie let’s Alex sit between his legs for a little longer until he decides to ask questions.

“Want to tell me what this is about?” Willie asks him. “I know something was off all day.” He continues. 

“I, I don’t know.” Alex says trailing off not wanting to admit to Willie what was wrong.

“You do know, you and I both know that. So let’s talk about it.” Willie says not letting this go.

Alex nods, knowing his boyfriend was right. “Okay.” Alex says before he continues with what’s wrong. “I feel bad that I never plan dates or adventure days. I don’t want you thinking I am boring or don’t care.” 

Willie smiles softly at Alex’s confession. He loves that Alex cares but that has never been an issue or ever will be an issue for Willie.

“Aw Alex. You know I don’t care about stuff like that, I just love spending time with you.” Willie says. “All that matters to me is our time spent together not who planned it. Besides I love planning our days.” 

Alex smiles at Willie’s words feeling better. 

“If you ever want to plan something, let me know though! Or if you have something in mind we can do, we could plan a day together!” Willie offers.

A bigger smile makes its way onto Alex’s face at this idea, which in turn causes a big smile to

make it’s way onto Willie’s.

“I like that idea, it could be fun.” Alex says. “Also how did you get here?”

Willie laughs. “Luke came and found me. I knew something was up so when he told me what was happening, I knew I had to come back with him.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

Alex says looking down, feeling a little embarrassed. “I just didn’t know how to say it and my nerves just kept getting worse so it made it harder.”

“I get that Alex. I hope you know that you can come to me with any of these things! I am a judgement free zone and all I want to do is be there for you.” 

Upon hearing those words from Willie, Alex flings his arms around his neck. Alex pulls him into a tight hug, his love for the boy overwhelming him.

“Thank you.” Is all that Alex says.

“Of course.” Willie says back, pulling back to place a sweet kiss on the lips of his adorable boyfriend.

They both pull back with wide smiles on their face. They spend the rest of the night, cuddled up in each other’s arms just enjoying each other’s presence. Of course kisses were stolen throughout the night, smiles never leaving either of their faces. 

[pastpatientlywaitingforimagines]

Nebula | Spencer Reid x Reader Platonic

WC: 2701

A/N: When I first wrote Galaxy I intended for it to be a oneshot, but I can’t get enough of the dynamic between Spencer and Reader. This is part 3 to Galaxy and Supernova, though you don’t really have to read them to understand what’s going on.

GALAXY MASTERLIST

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR 12x13 (Spencer), mentions of drug use

For the first time since you joined the Bureau, you didn’t want to go. It was selfish, but you didn’t want to go because you didn’t think you could handle seeing him. Nonetheless, you knew if roles were reversed he wouldn’t hesitate to be there for you so you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and stepped onto the jet anyways.

The rest of the team knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you. It wasn’t easy for them either, but there was a cosmic connection between you and Doctor Spencer Reid that they all knew made this exponentially more difficult for you.

Emily didn’t complain when you stayed impossibly close to her on the jet, eyes cast downward in silence while you listened to them strategize. Rossi kept providing you snacks to eat while on the flight to Mexico, compassionately reminding you that you needed it to keep your strength up whenever there was a lull in conversation. Luke kept careful eyes on your tells, ready to step in if you showed any increased signs of anxiety. He wasn’t as good at noticing them as Spencer was, having worked with you for significantly less time, but the Army veteran had picked up on your lingering military traumas early on in his employment with the team and had been there for you especially when Spencer took time off to care for his mom.

They needed you, and more importantly Spencer needed you, so they were going to do everything they could to keep you in one piece until they could figure out what had happened in Mexico.

Emily took charge when you stepped into the police precinct, commandeering the officers in a way only Emily Prentiss could. You followed Luke to the holding cell, and that’s when you saw him.

Spencer’s eyes slowly met yours and you could immediately tell something was off. Luke started talking to him, and you watched as Spencer struggled to remember your colleague. You were too scared to ask Spencer if he remembered you. Seeing your best friend so out of it terrified you. Spencer Reid was the sharpest person you knew, this dishevelment was uncharacteristic and you felt yourself having a hard time believing the man on the other side of the bars was your favorite doctor.

Luke’s phone ringing pulled you back into the present. You weren’t going to be of any help to anyone, especially Spencer, if you were catatonic. Instead of standing safely on the shore, you had to let yourself get caught in the riptide and pulled into this mess.

“Spencer,” you spoke for the first time since Emily had broke the news to the group of you that morning. You could tell the drugs were making it hard for him to focus, “Spencer, listen to me.”

“(y/n),” he rasped. He remembered you.

“Hey, I trust you,” even in his inebriated state, you both felt the weight of your words.

“(y/n),” he repeated. You knew he understood. When Luke came back he had some revelations from Garcia and the rest of the team back in Quantico. Even though Spencer denied wanting company while the other agents went to check out the motel and the whereabouts of Nadie Ramos, you stayed with him.

You sat on the floor with your back against the wall, watching your best friend carefully. The concrete wasn’t comfortable by any means, but you were not going to let anything else harm the man who was so close yet so far away. You received a lot of strange looks from the passing officers, but you didn’t move. Even when your phone rang, you stayed put.

“JJ,” you answered quietly, watching Spencer’s even breathing as he slept on the bench in the cell.

“How are you holding up?

“I’m… not, but I can deal with it later. Spencer is our priority right now,” you weren’t sure if you were reminding her or yourself.

“How is he?”

“Sleeping for now, hopefully sobering up. This is gut-wrenching. He told me about what happened with Tobias Hankel… I can’t even imagine what it was like for him then. How is Diana?”

“She’s stable, I checked in with her earlier. Cassie’s taking good care of her, you don’t have to worry.”

“Will you keep checking in with her until I get back and let me know if anything changes? Whatever he was doing down here has to do with her, I just need to figure out what it was. I wish he would have told me,” you gritted your teeth.

“That was going to be my next question. You didn’t know about any of this?”

“I knew he was traveling to talk to doctors. He’s been doing it for a few months now, I would spend extra time with Diana while he was gone. I always asked about his trips, nothing he told me ever raised a red flag, though. It was always ‘Met with this doctor, talked about that clinical trial, got this new medication to try.’ I should have known…”

“I’ve been saying the same thing. I don’t know how I missed it, or why he wouldn’t tell us,” you could hear the desperation in her voice.

“We’re going to figure it out. We have to figure it out. We’re getting him out of here,” you told her. You weren’t sure how convinced JJ was at your words but she accepted them anyways, bidding you goodbye when Garcia pulled her into some new information on their end of the case.

“Who was that?” you almost missed the gravely words from Spencer’s mouth when you took the phone away from your ear.

“It was JJ,” you told him.

“Are you going to ask me more questions? I still can’t… can’t remember.” Your heart broke.

“I’m not here to ask you questions, Spence. I’m here to make sure you’re safe.”

“Because you trust me.”

“Because I trust you,” you repeated. He was quiet again until the sun came up, and Emily, Rossi and Luke returned from the motel. Emily pulled you to the side when they showed up, though you wouldn’t let her take you anywhere where you couldn’t have eyes on Spencer.

“That motel room was a mess,” she told you honestly. You had spoken with her on the phone earlier, so you knew most of the finer details.

“It doesn’t look good for him, does it?”

“On the surface, no. The Mexican authorities have everything they need to lock him up, but if we can find something that proves Scratch is framing him we’ll have a better chance.”

You crossed your arms and shifted your weight, mind reeling with possibilities.

When Inspector Casteneda let you into the holding cell shortly after, you planted yourself at Spencer’s side and did not move. Just being in closer proximity to the doctor helped you feel better. Your friendship had never been very touchy-feely, you and Spencer both having reasons that you preferred to limit your physical contact, so the comfort that you found was merely by presence. You always had a clearer head when Spencer was close by, and this was no exception.

You kept your mouth shut while the other agents and Casteneda discussed Spencer’s tox screen and the possibilities of a cognitive interview. When Casteneda pulled out the vials, you watched the first glimpse of memory cross your friend’s face. You tensed, waiting to step in if you needed to.

“Whatever’s in those vials, I was giving it to my mom. That’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“You can use any of the rooms down the hall,” Casteneda pointed before leaving your little group of agents alone.

“I don’t think a cognitive is a good idea,” you finally spoke, stepping in front of Spencer defensively to stop him from following Emily.

“Why not?” she turned back to you. You were acutely aware of Rossi and Luke watching the exchange.

You glanced over your shoulder at Spencer, who was gazing at you with red-rimmed eyes.

“Your head isn’t clear enough yet.”

“I can still try,” he piped up from behind you. Emily raised her eyebrows, questioning how far you were going to fight this.

“I don’t want him accidentally implicating himself while there are still drugs in his system that could structure false memories.”

“With all the time he’s missing, that might happen anyways. This cognitive could give us some important information, just as much as it might give us false. We don’t have a lot of time, (y/n),” Emily was firm.

From a profiling standpoint, she was right. Any time was precious time, and Spencer had definitely come down enough to form more coherent thoughts. Your role in this case was not that of a profiler, though. It was like you had told Spencer a few hours prior, you were there to make sure he was safe, that whoever did this to him didn’t come back, and that he didn’t go to prison. You trusted that he didn’t commit the crimes he was facing, and you weren’t going to let him being doped up change that.

“I trust you,” Spencer spoke again, blinking slowly. You looked at Emily pointedly, “but I want to do the cognitive.”

“Spencer,” you pleaded. Letting your emotions come into play wouldn’t work with Emily but there was a chance you could get through with them to Spencer. You stared at each other intensely, none of your other colleagues daring to say a word.

Choosing to do a cognitive was something a coherent, clearheaded Spencer would do, you reasoned. As much as you still believed in your gut that he wasn’t ready, you trusted him.

“Let me do the interview,” you tried.

“No,” every agent in the room spoke at the same time, even Spencer. That was how you found yourself sitting on the floor again, this time outside of the room Emily was interviewing Spencer in.

Luke and Rossi came to stand protectively next to you. You knew they were keeping something from you, but you didn’t dare ask what. You were too busy staring down the man guarding the door. Screw international relations, you were ready to start a war with the entire country of Mexico for their wrongful arrest of Spencer.

Luke exchanged a few words in Spanish with the guard, before nudging you with his foot.

“What?”

“Take a breath, (y/n). He just asked me if you bite. If looks could kill you’d have murdered everyone in this precinct already.”

“Even if I did, they’d probably arrest Spencer and blame him for it,” you grumbled. Before either of the men could say anything, Emily stepped out of the interview room. She spoke quickly to the guard, who went inside. You were on your feet as soon as Emily shut the door. Luke grabbed your elbow as Emily told you about the cognitive, though you didn’t understand why until he spoke.

“They just charged Reid with the murder of Nadie Ramos.”

You thought your knees were going to give out. You would have been back on the floor if Luke hadn’t had a firm grip on your arm. Emily spoke some more, but your entire focus was on the door in front of you. Slowly it opened, the guard escorting Spencer back to the holding cell.

“I’m going with him,” you said, tearing your arm away from Luke and pushing past the other agents. Inspector Casteneda tried to stop you from entering the holding cell, but you put your foot down.

“I’ve been around more killers with him than I have with you. If he tries to kill me, so be it, maybe you’ll actually have something to charge him for,” you stepped past the man and plunked down on a bench facing Spencer.

“Is my mom ok?”

“Yeah, JJ’s keeping tabs on her. She’s safe. How’s your head?”

“Getting clearer, I think.”

“Good,” you whispered, settling into silence.

Emily didn’t look fazed when she saw you sitting in the cell with Spencer. She had Matt and Clara with her, and between them and Garcia you were somehow able to establish concurrent jurisdiction over Spencer’s case. Still, you had to watch them handcuff your best friend and start walking him away while Emily was on the phone. Finally she hung up.

“They’re taking it to their brass. Go get him,” she looked at you and Luke. You raced after him, letting Luke do the talking once you caught up to the officers. Saving Spencer from going to a maximum security prison was the highest priority right now, your beef with the Mexican police wouldn’t do you any good in remedying that.

Things moved quickly once Emily had made the proper phone calls, but you didn’t feel yourself start to relax until you were seated safely next to Spencer on the jet couch.

He reached over, taking your hand in his own and moving his fingers up to your wrist, starting to fidget with the bracelet you always wore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” his voice was soft, meant only for you.

“I wish you had, Spence. I really do, but there’s nothing we can do to change that now. We just have to fight until we figure out what’s going on,” you leaned closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help down there.”

“I’m on my way home, aren’t I?”

“No thanks to me. If I had acted how I wanted, we’d both be on our way to El Diablo right now,” you joked half-heartedly.

“You’re the only person I’d want to go to jail with,” he joked back.

“I don’t know, your odds might be better if you picked Prentiss. She got beat up by a cult leader for you, that’s hardcore.”

“She also faked her own death, who’s to say she wouldn’t do it again as an escape plan? You wouldn’t leave me,” while this kind of banter was normal for the two of you, it felt weird discussing theoretical jail when prison was a very real possibility for the man sitting next to you.

“I won’t leave you. Ever. No matter what, you’re stuck with me,” you reminded him.

“Even if I’m in prison for the rest of my life?”

“You’re not going to be in prison for the rest of your life,” you grumbled, “but even if you were, I wouldn’t miss a visiting day. You can’t get rid of me that easily, Spence.”

“I know,” he whispered, “how do you think this is going to end?”

“Best case, we get a tip-top legal team and you’re acquitted before there’s even speculation of you going to prison,” your confidence was evident.

“And worst case?”

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“I want to know, (y/n). I trust you,” he wasn’t going to let you off the hook that easily.

You sighed, “you were framed for everything illegal that happened in Mexico. I have no doubts about that, never had, never will. Worst case, we can’t prove it and you serve a full sentence because of it.”

“You will prove it though.”

“If anyone can do it, it’s us. Honestly, I think it’ll fall somewhere in the middle. Even with the best of the best legal team, there’s still a lot of uncertainty about what happened. It might take time to put all of the pieces together.”

“I appreciate your honesty,” Spencer’s voice dropped even quieter, “everyone else is walking on eggshells around me.”

“To be fair, you were pretty heavily drugged when we first got down there. And the jeans? It was like looking at a stranger, you weren’t yourself.”

“You don’t like the jeans?” you could tell he was teasing to try to lighten the mood.

“I really don’t. The first thing I’m doing when we get back home is finding you some Pretty Boy pants.”

“Of all of the priorities you could have,” he laughed.

“You’re the only you we’ve got, Spencer. Prison, drugs, Mexico, Alzheimer’s, I’m not letting anything take quintessential you away from us, even if it means getting you a new pair of pants.”

GALAXY MASTERLIST

[taleofharrison]

We can try | Luke Hemmings

Summary: Reader realizes she might be wrong about the idea he had about Luke. (College!AU)

Warnings: none really

Requested: Idea given by @girl-toxxic​

Word count: 1559

A/N: not sure if this is what you wanted but I like the way it. Also I’m crying over superbloom it was pure art and it was beautiful also Luke studies engineering as a major because I saw on twitter or here don’t remeber exactly that he was good at math and I think engineering involves a lot of math so yeah but whatever enjoy.

MASTERLIST HERE 

It had been a long month you had to change college because your dad got another job in other state and your family wanted you close to them changing school wasn’t hard since you had great grades it’s not that you were a the typical nerd cliché who avoided parties and everything that was fun you just had your priorities clear and partying wasn’t on the top of the list. It was hard to believe but you found a perfect balance between college fun and your studies.

You knew that adjusting to new teachers, new classmates and new buildings would be hard you felt nervous and anxious luckily on your first week you met Ashton who happened to share a class with you he even took you to the building where the class would take place he was nice and kind to you so when he told you he was part of a fraternity surprised a lot.

Your feelings had been hurt badly by a boy who belonged to one he was sweet at the beginning then his true colors showed and the relationship quickly became toxic and though you’d denied it, he was one of the reasons you agreed to transfer plus studying in California didn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Would you like to come to a party this Friday?” Ashton asked out of the blue as you two walked outside the classroom “my fraternity is organizing it”

“A party? At your frat house?” you questioned again “I don’t think that’s a good idea I have to study-”

“Don’t try to play the cliché nerd card here” he cut you off “I’ve seen you partying and honestly I don’t how you keep your grades”

“As flattered as I am by that” you smiled “I try to not hang out around frat boys anymore you’re an exception”

“Just because an asshole dude broke your heart it doesn’t mean all of us are like that” he said “Come on it’s gonna be fun bring a friend or two if you want and my friends are nice”

“Fine I trust you” you sighed in defeat. “I’ll be there”

“Awesome!” he giggled “guess I’ll see you there”

The day of the party came and you thought on making up an excuse not to go like you were sick or something but you just couldn’t bail on Ash he looked so happy when you agreed and he was one of your best friends. So, you decided to put on a little make up and just have fun.

When you got to the party Ashton rushed to hug you a red solo cup filled with what you thought was some kind of spiced punch he guided you through the crowd to meet his best friends.

“This is Michael” he pointed at the DJ and he just nodded in your direction “and this is Calum but I’m sure you’ve seen play football he’s the team captain”

Calum hugged like if you had been friends for a long time “Ashton talks a lot about you is great to finally meet you”

Aston chuckled at his friend’s behavior “Mind if I leave you alone? I have to look for someone”

“Not at all” you smiled “I think I’m going to get a drink”

You crossed the dancefloor to get your drink you recognized a guy there dancing, you’ve seen him around, he was on the football team with Calum you’ve never talked to him you only knew his last name was you knew who he was, you knew about his reputation he was really popular among the girls on the campus which only made you surer that you had avoid him.

“Hi” Luke spoke to you making you turn to face him “I’ve never seen you in my frat parties”

“Observant” you rolled your eyes “I’m just here for a friend”

“And would you like to go I don’t know somewhere a little bit more private?”

You were more than ready to turn down his offer when Ashton’s voice interrupted your encounter with Luke.

“Awesome now you’ve met all my friends” Ashton exclaimed wrapping around your shoulders.

“He’s your friend?” you questioned with wide eyes.

“Yeah and one of my best friends I must say” he said nonchalantly “now we can all hang out together”

Ashton left you alone once again this time with Luke “So you’re the famous Y/N Ashton always talks about…guess I’ll see you around” he chuckled once again.

Weeks have passed since the party and your friendship with Ash and his friends, however you had a wall you didn’t really put that much effort on getting to know Luke which hurt him he wanted to get to know you too, you seemed to be a pretty cool girl from what he could get.

A groan left Luke’s mouth once again “I can’t any of this mate” he complained to Calum.

“Then what did you choose to study engineering?” Calum asked clearly amused by his friend’s frustration.

“I don’t know it sounded like fun when I started” he answered “what am I gonna do? The finals begin in a month and I’m not getting any of this calculus shit”

“I can ask Y/N to help you” Ashton shrugged “she’s pretty good at this”

“Do you think she will?” he asked “she doesn’t seem to like that much”

“She’ll do it if I ask her” Ashton assured “and I know she even helps the classmates she dislikes; she likes to help”

“I guess that could work” Luke sighed “thanks mate”

Luke was the first on to admit that maybe he didn’t give a first good impression at the party plus people often talk about him in the hallways but he was heartbroken and he thought that maybe a bunch of girls and parties might help him out but he was wrong he realized that now, he realized how unhealthy it was and he had been trying to be and feel better.

You told Ashton you could start classes with Luke the next day, you wanted to make the most of this and to end with this quickly as time went by you found yourself getting to know Luke and you’d denied but you were thinking that maybe you should’ve been friends with him since the start. He even learned your coffee order so every time you met up to study, he already had yours.

“Why?” he asked out of the blue one day.

“Why what?” you questioned frowning not following what he meant to say.

“You always hang out with my friends, but you just try to avoid me or ignore me” Luke explained “my question is why, you seem to hate”

“I know you Luke, don’t wanna get hurt”

“You barely talk to me how can you say you know me?” Luke scoffed.

“You are the kind of guy who’s sweet and charming but at the end of the day girls are just another game for you to play”

“I get it now” Luke said connecting the dots together “some boy broke your heart and now you think I’m like your ex”

“Oh, and you aren’t?” you retorted.

Luke abruptly closed his book and picked up his stuff getting up from the table.

“What do you think you’re doing?” you demanded “Luke we haven’t finished”

“Oh, I think we have” he replied “You don’t know the first thing about me”

“Luke your exam is in a week and we still have to review-“

“Forget about it” he interrupted you “I think I can make it on my own thank you”

Needless to say Luke didn’t show up to the rest of your study sessions it disappointed and broke your heart just a little maybe you were wrong, maybe you shouldn’t have said those things, maybe you misjudged him.

A week after the finals Luke came to your apartment you were pretty shocked when you saw him with your coffee order in hand, but you let him in anyways.

“I brought you this” he said giving you the coffee “I hope you haven’t changed your usual order”

“It’s perfect” you smiled “What are you doing here?”

“I haven’t seen you around” he shrugged “which is weird since you’re always with my mates and I wanted to tell you that I got 80% in my calculus final and I’m sure it could’ve been higher if we had kept studying so thank you for that couldn’t have done it without you”

“It was nothing” you said “I like to help”

“I also want to say I’m sorry” he said “I was rude to you and you just wanted to help and-“

“I should be the one apologizing” you interrupted him “I misjudged you and I should’ve gotten to know you more I shouldn’t have assumed you were like my ex”

“In your defense I didn’t give you good first impression at that party” he said “you were heartbroken you just wanted to protect your heart, I get it been there”

You nodded looking down.

“Let me make it up to you” he offered “let me take you celebrate I didn’t fail calculus because of you let’s get a drink”

“As in a date maybe?” you teased.

“If you want it to be a date…”

“I’d like it to be date” you said making you both smile.

[violetwolfraven]

Ghost Guitar Battle (3/3)

((Part 3 of Violet is a fucking idiot and couldn’t help herself from pursuing a random idea when she has actual requests sitting in her inbox. I’m so sorry y’all.))

Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

I am well aware that this is corny as fuck but whatever. Also I know I tagged this as flarrie but it’s just in the background.

Warnings: depression symptoms, parent death mentions, character feeling out of control/mind control.

...

Nick didn’t know how long he was just kind of floating in darkness.

It was dark, but it was the kind of darkness where there weren’t shadows, it wasn’t night, there was just nothing there.

A few minutes could have passed or a few months. Nick wasn’t sure. All he really knew was that he was alone, just sitting there in the dark with his guitar.

Not like the stupid thing did him any good. If he tried to play, it just sounded muted. Whatever this void thing was, it didn’t have good acoutstics.

Everything in here was muted. Nick guessed it was convenient it sounded bad when he played, since he didn’t feel like playing anyway. He wasn’t bored, scared, sad, or whatever. Everything just felt... flat. It felt like he’d been sitting there forever.

“Nick?”

Wait, did someone just say his name?

Nick stood up, turning around and seeing—

“You’re Julie’s guitarist.”

“Yeah,” the guy nodded, “Hi. My name’s Luke.”

“Did Caleb get you, too?”

Luke shook his head, “No. Well, almost, once, but... no.”

“Then how are you... you’re a ghost.”

God, everything made sense now. How Julie’s hologram thing worked and why she didn’t perform at that dance. Why it seemed like she talked to herself so much lately. Why Caleb was so interested in her in the first place.

Hell, Julie had called him ‘Luke’ by mistake once. She’d been thinking about this guy.

“Yeah,” Luke agreed, “I’m a ghost. Long story short, no other ghosts can be seen by lifers when they play, so Caleb wants me under his control.”

“That’s why he came after me,” Nick realized, “I could get to Julie and Julie could get to you.”

Luke nodded, “Exactly. Only he slipped up pretending to be you. Carrie noticed and told Flynn and Julie. We came up with a plan to have me come in here and help you push him out.”

“Another ghost tried to help me. It didn’t work.”

“Wait, Willie? You saw Willie?”

“Yeah, but...” Nick sighed, “Caleb made him fade away. I don’t know what happened to him.”

“Oh. Okay. He’s my bandmate’s... he’s a friend, and we haven’t heard from him since he tried to help you. That’s why I asked.”

“Well, I don’t know. So... sorry.”

He was expecting Luke to leave, but he didn’t. He just fiddled with the strap of the electric guitar he was holding.

“So... what do you wanna play?”

“What?”

“I’m here to back you up, Nick. I can’t push Caleb out for you.”

Nick didn’t feel like laughing, but he did anyway, just at the hopelessness.

“I can’t push him out,” he said, “He’s too powerful.”

“You can,” Luke insisted, “This is your mind. You’re playing on your home turf.”

“But I’m not the one in control.”

“But you can get it back.”

“No, I can’t! I’m not good enough.”

“Not good—“ Luke cut off, sighing, “You think I thought I was good enough when I first started booking gigs with my band when I was alive?”

Nick didn’t even know what to say here.

“I was younger than you are now,” Luke said, “I was 15 when I started out. You think I thought I was as good as the bands with twice the experience and twice the recognition? No. But I acted like I did, because if you don’t at least pretend to believe in yourself, no one else will. You gotta sell yourself, Nick. Fake it till you make it.”

“I don’t think that’s how this works,” Nick muttered, “The stakes are higher than a gig.”

“This isn’t about the stakes. Don’t think about those. This is just about the music. Don’t think about the consequences, don’t worry about what’ll happen if it doesn’t work, just play. Feel the music. You’re a musician, so it’s a part of you.”

Nick still hesitated. He knew he couldn’t overpower Caleb, so what was the point?

“Come on,” Luke said, starting up a few quiet chords, “I believe in you. If nothing else, wouldn’t you rather say you tried?”

Nick picked up his guitar.

He started playing hesitantly, a sad song he’d picked up out of self-pity after Julie rejected him, before he made the mistake of getting off his butt and out of his house to give it one last shot.

He didn’t get very far in the song.

“Wha—stop, stop, stop. What was that?”

“I told you,” Nick said, vaguely irritated, “I’m not good enough.”

“No,” Luke shook his head, “No, your technique was fine. It was pretty good, actually, but you weren’t putting any of yourself into the music.”

Nick snorted, “Why do you care? We don’t know each other.”

And if you‘re close with Julie, you probably know about me as the guy who has a crush on her so why would you try to save me?

“You’re right, but this isn’t about me,” Luke insisted, “This is about you. You need to dig deeper, really connect to the music. Play something that’s you.”

Something that was him...

Nick was still hesitant to listen to the ghost his crush had a crush on, but...

He focused in deeper, and what started coming out when he started playing again was a tune something like an early 2000s pop/rock song. It was still sad, but definitely more him.

“There you go,” Luke said, but Nick wasn’t listening.

Playing guitar while feeling this deeply inside his own mind was trippy. It was almost like he could see and hear—

“I know, but what was I supposed to do, Chad?”

Nick was sitting at the kitchen table and picking at his spaghetti while eavesdropping on Ryan talking on the phone with his boyfriend in the next room.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ryan. Nick did like Ryan. But he still really just wanted his mom. The walls were thin here, and he could hear everything that was being said about him.

“I already told you this, but sure, we can go through it again. His mom, Amanda, is in my musical theatre program. Always shows up late and half-asses choreography. We all thought she was a slacker, but then a couple months ago she unloaded the fact that she’s a single mom and can barely afford to pay for a babysitter for her kid. She’s only in school at all because she got a scholarship.”

There was a pause, and Nick wondered what this Chad guy was saying on the other side. He wondered what Chad was like in real life. He was smiling in the picture Ryan had on his counter.

“His dad’s not in the picture. Amanda never said why, but... yeah, you can still come visit, but you should be prepared for the fact that Nick’s gonna be here. In fact...”

Nick heard Ryan sigh and felt a strong sense of dread at the change in his tone of voice.

“Amanda’s been in the hospital a week and she’s not getting any better. The way everyone keeps talking, I don’t think she ever will.”

That made Nick want to cry. Everyone kept telling him he was strong for dealing with his mom being sick, but he didn’t want to be strong. He just wanted her back, and it sounded like Ryan didn’t think that was going to happen.

“No, no grandparents. Amanda doesn’t have any family. None that she talks to, at least.”

Nick was really trying not to cry now, because... because if he thought about what would happen if his mom didn’t get better, besides how he would miss her, what would happen to him?

“Of course I want to take him, Chad. Nick is my friend’s son. He’s 5 years old and he has nowhere else to go.”

What was he talking about? Taking Nick where?

“Yeah, I know I’m a little young for this, but if I don’t take him, they’re gonna put him in the foster system. Nick’s been through enough. The last thing he needs is to get dumped with some stranger.”

If it was a choice between Ryan and a stranger, Nick knew what he’d choose, but he didn’t want that choice. He just wanted his mom back.

“Chad, I already decided. I’ll use my parents’ lawyers if I have to, but I’m taking Nick in. But... I don’t blame you if you wanna bail. You signed on for me. Not some kid you’ve never met.”

Nick didn’t want Ryan to lose his boyfriend because of him. That would be bad. They looked so happy in that picture on the counter.

Then he heard Ryan laugh.

“Okay, point made. You can meet him when you visit this weekend. You’ll like him. Nick’s a really sweet kid. Love you. Bye.”

Nick couldn’t hide his tears when Ryan opened the door and came back into the main room of the apartment.

“Hey,” he said, kneeling down to be on Nick’s level, “Hey, kiddo, it’s okay. It looks like you’re gonna be living with me for a little longer.”

“You think I’m gonna live with you forever,” Nick accused, “You and Chad. You think my mom’s not gonna get better.”

Ryan froze, then sighed, “I guess you heard me, huh?”

“Your stupid walls are stupid thin,” Nick grumbled.

“My stupid walls are stupid thin, aren’t they? Maybe the wall fairy should come fix them.”

Ryan seemed kind of discouraged with how Nick didn’t find that funny.

“Look,” he said quietly, “Nick, I know I’m not your dad. I’m not even like a cool uncle. I’m just your mom’s friend who wasn’t even that good of a friend until a little while ago. Before that, I was kind of a stupid stinky friend and that’s why she didn’t let you meet me—because she knew I was stinky and she was taking care of you.”

“She always takes care of me,” Nick sniffled.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed, “Because she loves you. Your mom loves you so much, and that’s never going to change. It’s just that... pretty soon, she won’t be able to take care of you anymore. While she can’t, I wanna to do it for her. Is that okay?”

Nick just wanted things to go back to normal, but... well, Ryan was better than some stranger, if those were the only options.

Little Nick had been devastated when his mom died. It still made him sad sometimes that she was gone, but he had a few nice memories of her to look back on.

And plus, she’d been so busy with work and school that he’d rarely seen her, honestly. Nick had spent most of his early childhood with various babysitters until Ryan got custody.

And besides, especially since Ryan and Chad graduated and moved in together, he had more happy memories of them.

The music shifted to be less melancholy as Nick smiled, thinking of growing up with his dads. The first couple months where Chad clearly had no idea how small children worked but tried so hard to make Nick like him anyway. The confusion of them trying to navigate the system and register him for school. Moving to Albuquerque briefly after the 3 year program Ryan was in ended.

“Nick!” Chad chided, taking the bowl of cookie dough away, “You’re not gonna have any room for dinner!”

“What’s the problem with that?” Ryan asked with a smirk, “You’re a really bad cook.”

“Yeah, Dad,” Nick shot back, “You’re a really bad cook.”

It made him a little nervous when they both froze up a bit.

Nick was well aware that he’d never called Chad or Ryan ‘dad’ before. He wasn’t sure if they were even okay with him calling them that.

He just... wanted to try it out.

Chad and Ryan had taken pictures of him on his first day of kindergarten. They’d taken care of him when he got strep throat the November of 1st grade. Ryan had taught him to sing and Chad hadn’t been phased when Nick showed zero flair for basketball and instead got into little league lacrosse.

They felt like his parents, so Nick wanted to try calling them that.

Then Chad smiled, ruffling his hair, “Well, you can’t cook at all, little man, so I’d curb the sass.”

“Yeah, cause he’s 8 years old,” Ryan objected, “Still, Nick could open a cookbook right now and be better than you. I feel bad for Gabriella and all the other Wildcats’ partners. Zeke can cook so well because none of the rest of you can.”

“What, you think he absorbed the culinary ability from the whole team?”

“Yes.”

“You’re a bad cook too, Dad,” Nick pointed out.

Ryan gasped in fake offense and Chad laughed.

“Can we get pizza?”

“Oh, Chad, he’s definitely your child.”

“You’re blaming me for our kid having good taste in food?”

The tune was evolving again, into a more current style, optimistic and fun. Memories of learning the hard way that he was a really bad dancer and both him and his dads laughing it off. Messing around in their closet and stealing/borrowing old clothes they didn’t use anymore. Missing them when they went to away games or took acting gigs out of town, but being happy for them and cheering them on whenever school didn’t interfere.

Moving to California after Chad graduated and got signed by the Lakers, conveniently around the same time Ryan and Nick’s Aunt Sharpay decided to try out Hollywood and see how different it was from Broadway.

Nick was grinning now, thinking back on all those happy memories.

“What’s up, kiddo? How was school today?”

Nick dodged Chad’s attempt to hug him, “Gross, Dad, you’re all sweaty.

“Well, I was at practice all day, so... the sweat monster’s gonna get you!”

10-year-old Nick yelped, abandoning his homework to run away as his dad chased him around the house, only for them to run headfirst into Ryan and all three of them to fall to the ground.

“First, Chad, go take a shower. Second, is that my black fedora, Nick?”

Nick shrugged, “You don’t wear it.”

“I do too.”

“Not recently.”

Ryan looked like he wanted to argue, but realized he couldn’t, and that made Nick laugh.

“Shush, little man. Ask next time you borrow it. Chad, again, go take a shower.”

“Sure,” Chad stood up, “Meanwhile, you packed your things, right Nick?”

Nick nodded proudly, “Yup.”

“Great. Reunion’s tomorrow, so we’re flying to Albuquerque tonight.”

Should be fun,” Ryan added, “I think it’ll be the first time the whole gang’s in one place since graduation. Cause Sharpay missed the first year, Zeke’s flight got cancelled the second...”

“Yeah, it’ll be good to see everyone.”

Nick tilted his head, “Why’s everybody coming this year?”

As far as he knew, there was nothing special about a 6-year reunion. Or 2014. And the former Wildcats were all pretty busy most of the time, being the successful people that they were. If someone couldn’t make it, it wasn’t like the others would hold it against them.

Nick’s dads exchanged a glance and he realized they were hiding something. He wasn’t sure exactly what, but...

“What’s so special about this year?” he asked, “Don’t say nothing. I can tell it’s not nothing.”

They had another silent conversation before either of them actually answered the question.

“We weren’t gonna tell you until we got there,” Ryan admitted, “Cause it’s kind of a surprise, but you’re gonna be spending some time with Aunt Sharpay this summer.”

“Or Troy and Gabriella,” Chad added, “We made her promise she’d drive you over there if you got tired of her.”

Nick couldn’t see himself admitting he was tired of Aunt Sharpay even if he did get tired of her, but that wasn’t why he was confused.

“Why? Where are you gonna be?”

“On our honeymoon,” Chad answered, “Everyone’s in town this year is cause we’re getting married.”

They were clearly worried about his reaction, but they didn’t have to be because despite being only 10, Nick wasn’t blind. He’d seen this coming a mile away and just been waiting on when specifically it was going to happen.

“I want a little sister or brother.”

They both laughed, and Nick tried not to cringe too much at the sweat when they did a family group hug.

The chords he was strumming now felt suspiciously like some kind of love ballad, like the kind of 90’s songs that had played at his dads’ wedding. It brought back dancing with his Aunt Sharpay and various others of his parents’ friends. Stepping on more than a few former Wildcats toes, of course on accident. Kind of bitterly plotting the kind of mischief he was going to teach the others’ kids when the time came that he finally wasn’t the only kid anymore.

Of course, that brought back memories of that angsty phase Nick went through in his tween years, when he first started realizing exactly how young his parents were to have a kid his age and questioning if they ever would’ve taken him in if there was another option.

That hadn’t been a fun train of thought. The mood of the music dipped in response, corresponding to the anxiety Nick had felt about how his dads had adopted him because they felt like they had to, not because they wanted to. That phase had ended when he decided it didn’t matter as long as they wanted him now, but it had influenced how he’d acted around Lizzie when they first met.

Lizzie had been almost 4 when they adopted her into the family, an orphan like Nick who’s parents had died in a car crash. Now, of course, she was a sassy 8-year-old firecracker who goaded him into playing with her instead of doing his homework, but she’d been a lot more skittish when she was younger. And tween Nick had always tried not to act cold to her, but it wasn’t like he knew anything about being a big brother at the time and he didn’t always succeed.

The music took on a tune almost like a sadder, more complicated version of a child’s nursery rhyme.

Lizzie was a tiny person, and despite the fact that Nick had been the one to ask for a little sibling in the first place, he had no idea how to act around her.

It seemed like that feeling was double-sided, with how Lizzie seemed a little bit scared of him, so at least it wasn’t like he was the only one playing an avoidance game, here. They were avoiding each other. It was mutual.

That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t die for her, because even if they hadn’t gotten much chance to get to know each other in the month since she’d been adopted into their family, she was still his little sister. Despite the disconnect, Nick cared for her more than he knew how to say.

But he really wished he knew how to say it, considering Lizzie was crying and they were in a public place and he was just very awkwardly trying to calm her down and look for their dads at the same time.

You’d think it would be easier to spot an NBA player and a famous actor taking a break from their careers to take their kids to Disneyland.

Nick knew that in the event he got lost, he was supposed to stay in one place so that they could find him, but staying in one place was a lot less daunting when he wasn’t trying to comfort a crying 4-year-old.

“Shh, Lizzie, they’re gonna come find us,” he said, rubbing her back and trying to talk calm, “You’ll see. They’re looking for us right now.”

He didn’t say how he struggled with the thought that if it came down to it and something dangerous happened and they had to choose between looking for Lizzie and looking for him, he didn’t know what their dads would choose.

Nick shoved those thoughts down and tried to say more comforting things, but Lizzie just wouldn’t stop crying. The noise of the crowd definitely was not helping, only stressing her out more. Nick had no idea how to calm her down, except... maybe to distract her?

“Hey, Lizzie, can you tell me your favorite princess?”

Lizzie sniffled, looking up at him with way too much of a look like a kicked puppy.

“Cinderella,” she said in her tiny little voice.

“I like Cinderella, too,” he agreed, “Yeah. You know what Cinderella likes to do? She likes to dance. We’re gonna dance, okay? You can stand on my feet.”

Lizzie stood up, stepping up to stand on Nick’s shoes, and he hummed a Disney princess song, just swaying around in a circle and holding his little sister’s hands.

To, honestly, his absolute shock, it actually seemed to be working. She wasn’t crying anymore, at least, and she actually seemed to be calming down.

Nick made a mental note that princess dance parties were a good thing to do with small children.

Naturally, the guitar shifted to sound like the kind of emo music Nick was listening to in middle school, around the time when he first met Carrie and Julie and Flynn and the guys on the lacrosse team. A few bars sounded suspiciously like the showtunes his dad had showed him at that age, too, in an attempt to get him into theatre.

It wasn’t that Nick didn’t enjoy theatre, but he still preferred music to acting. He and his lacrosse buddies did do team-building parties where they watched musicals and danced and sang to them, though.

Those parties usually ended up being at Nick’s house, given that it was big and all the guys had pretty much become honorary additional big brothers to Lizzie anyway.

Also, given that Los Feliz was most known for its music program and definitely not for its sports, the guys all thought Ryan was as cool as Chad. And even though most of them had supportive parents of their own, the good half of the team that wasn’t straight seemed to find it reassuring that two gay men could be happy and raise a family together.

And despite the time conflict it created, they were all super supportive when Nick took up guitar.

The song he was playing now sounded a lot like the beginner songs he’d learned when he first discovered his flair for the intrument.

“Dude, you’re gonna get all the girls now.”

Nick laughed, “Bro, we’re only freshmen!”

“But girls like guys who can play guitar!”

“Tyler, you’re gay!”

“I still know girls find guitar attractive!”

“He’s right,” Ethan agreed, laughing, “Girls like guitars.”

“Oddly enough, boys like ‘em too,” Anthony chimed in, “I mean I know you’re straight, Nick, but...”

The thing was, Nick wasn’t completely sure he was. He knew 14 was about the age a lot of people started to figure out their sexualities, and lately... he’d found himself getting butterflies as much when Tyler actually managed to score in their games or Kai showed off his percussion skills in marching band as when Carrie let him tag along to her practices with her band and attacked every dance move or Julie played piano and sang with that amazing voice of hers.

The realization didn’t really scare him or anything. Nick guessed he’d known for a while, but just hadn’t put a label on it even in his head until now.

“I think I’m pan,” he admitted, “Like, pansexual.”

“Amen, bro,” Kai said with zero hesitation, “Girls are cute, boys are cute, nonbinary kids are cute, it’s whatever.”

Nick laughed and accepted a high five.

“Yeah, thanks for telling us,” Ethan agreed, “Not that it really matters, but let us know if anybody gives you trouble.”

Tyler nodded solemnly, “They’ll rue the day they messed with the Los Feliz lacrosse team.”

“Of course, ignoring the fact that none of us are very intimidating.”

“Oh, shut up, Chase.”

They all groaned, and Kai grabbed the TV remote to turn something on and tune out the logical person in the room.

“We lose every game,” Chase pointed out defensively, “I mean, no hate, Nick. Being pan is totally pantastic, but—“

They all laughed too much for him to finish that sentence, at which point Nick’s dads entered the room.

“Keep it down, boys, Lizzie’s asleep,” Chad scolded quietly.

All the boys apologized quietly and Kai turned the volume on the beginning of Tangled down.

“What’s so funny, anyway?” Ryan asked.

Nick grinned up at him, “I’m pansexual, dad.”

“Oh. Okay, cool. Want me to buy you a pan flag?”

“Look!” Luke exclaimed suddenly, almost making Nick lose focus and stop playing.

The darkness was getting lighter, the shadows receding. They were standing back on the stage at the high school and Nick wasn’t feeling hopeless anymore. It was still darker than it would normally be, but barely.

“You’re doing it! Keep going!”

The memories became shorter and more random, but Nick dug deep into his emotions and played harder, bringing back—

“Lizzie, you’re getting too big to stand on my feet!”

“Maybe you should grow faster!”

and

“Carrie... uh... would you want to maybe go out sometime? Like to a movie?”

“Um... yeah. Sure, why not?”

and

“God, I really feel for Julie. I remember how bad it hurt when I lost my mom.”

“You’d think she’d realize there’s no better way to channel your feelings than through music.”

“Carrie—“

“I’m just saying, we both know how it feels to lose mothers, and did Julie come to either of us for advice? No. She’s pushed away everyone except Flynn. I feel for her too, but I’m done trying to help when she clearly isn’t willing to accept it.”

and

“Carrie wasn’t helping, Nick. Maybe she meant to, but she was pushing way too hard. She of all people should know how deeply Julie feels things.”

“Flynn, I didn’t mean to—“

“I know. Unlike your girlfriend, you actually care about people.”

and

“I want a puppy.”

“I agree with Lizzie that we should get a puppy.”

“Hmm, Ryan, what do you think? Should we get the kids a puppy?”

“I think we should wait until I’m home from tour and then we should absolutely get a puppy.”

and

“She’s not bad, Tyler, just stressed out. You and the guys keep acting like she’s demon spawn, but the fact is that Carrie’s human. She makes mistakes and tries to play them off so people will keep thinking she’s perfect. She’s got the world watching her every move and I know what it’s like. It’s not easy having a famous parent, especially since she’s a performer with a radically different style than the shadow she’s trying to break out of.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m saying she said yes to being your girlfriend because you’re both popular and therefore make sense together. She doesn’t like you. I’m pretty sure Carrie doesn’t even like guys and is just too scared to come out and go after someone she actually wants. Plus, she talks down to you, like, all the time. I’m gonna stay your friend no matter what, but you have to see that yeah, maybe Carrie’s got it tough, but she’s not good for you and it doesn’t seem like she even wants to be.”

and

“This isn’t working out. I think we should to break up.”

“You think we should, or you want to break up because you have a crush on Julie?”

“What about your crush on Flynn?”

“What?! I do not have a crush on—“

“I know you well enough to know, Carrie, so cut the crap. I’m not stupid. You and me never really felt that way about each other and we both know it. We were together because it was convenient and it was easier than making a move on someone one of us actually had feelings for.

“Fine. Just try not to run back to me if you chicken out from pursuing a real, heart-stopping, complicated crush again. It’d be embarrassing to make the same mistake twice.”

and

“Julie is totally into you, man.”

“Shut up, Kai.”

“I mean not that I’d know, but she’s cute, right?”

“Shut up, Tyler.”

and

“Julie rejected me. She has a crush on the guitarist in her band.”

“Oh, dang. That’s rough, kiddo.”

“It’s fine, dad. It’s really on me. She had a crush on me for a while, but I was too occupied with Carrie to pay attention. And besides, I know high school relationships rarely last forever, so...”

“Hey, look at who you’re talking to. If you really like Julie, she’s worth one more try. You know, buy her some flowers and give it one last shot. But if she says no...”

“Respect that and leave her alone, I know.”

With one last chord, a terrified tri-tone that represented Nick’s fear when Caleb first possessed him, the shadows fully disapated, leaving Nick in a well-lit, very familiar theatre.

He wasn’t afraid anymore. He had his friends and his sister and his dads behind him, with him no matter what.

And Nick still wasn’t a hundred percent sure how that had just worked, but he could feel Caleb’s hold over him disappearing. The stage was fading not because he was getting shoved down out of control, but because he was regaining control of where his body was in real life.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Luke said with a grin, “Good luck.”

He poofed away, and Nick found himself in that club Caleb had manifested when he won the first fight for control. He guessed the ghost had snuck him here between lacrosse practice and curfew.

There were a bunch of 20-somethings in brightly colored costumes who seemed to be practicing a dance nearby, but none of them were paying him any mind. Fortunately, it didn’t seem like Caleb was there, though Nick couldn’t feel him in his head anymore.

Whatever. He could see the exit from here, and from there he could find Julie and her band and help them beat that crazy dead magician.

Well, maybe he should go home first, and see his little sister. Find his phone and call the guys for a musical watch party as soon as possible. Definitely hug his dads, since the Broadway musical one of them was touring in was in town.

Nick knew he couldn’t tell them how he’d won a guitar battle for his soul, but he could enjoy that victory by himself, too.

[insomniousluci]

Date Night

-MC goes on a date with Solomon, but Asmo joins them, making for a whole different kind of night-

(Art by Dima @ SasaraCare on Twitter!)

I stood outside the entrance of the cafe, looking around to see if I could spot Solomon anywhere. He had asked me to meet him here for a date. I was surprised by this, since Solomon was so popular. I thought it was weird that he’d want to spend time alone with me, but I have to admit that I was a little excited. I’d been wanting to get to know him better ever since I met him, but it was hard with us living in separate dorms. The brothers seemed to take up so much of my time, I didn’t get the chance to make new friends very often.

“Hey there! Sorry I’m late!” Solomon called, smiling and waving as he trotted toward me. I smiled back and nodded.

“That’s okay! Let’s go find a seat.” I replied.

We ordered some food and talked to pass the time, asking questions and telling stories.

“Wow, you have so many funny stories! I guess living with 7 demons must be pretty entertaining. Do you have a favorite?” Solomon asked.

“Hm? No I don’t think so...they’re all great in different ways, and we all have something in common. I don’t think I could choose a favorite.” I replied.

“Ah, okay. To be honest I’m surprised by that answer. I assumed you had to be dating at least one of them.” Solomon raised an eyebrow at me, folding his hands under his chin.

“Huh? No I’m not dating anyone! You asked me out on a date, why would you do that if you thought I was already dating someone?” I was genuinely confused by him.

“Well, even if you were in a relationship, I guess I just wanted to spend some time with you. We’re the only two humans here, it makes sense that we should become close, right?” Solomon slid his hand over and placed it on top of mine. It was warm, and I started to feel butterflies in my stomach.

“Yes...that makes sense. It’s nice to be in the company of another human, now that you mention it.” I smiled at him, slightly blushing.

Our food arrived and we continued to chat as we ate. Once we finished, Solomon picked up the check and we started to walk together down the street.

“Where to?” Solomon asked, taking my hand. I looked down at our hands and back up at him, and he just smiled, as if he was assuring me that it was okay. He must have thought I was such a lush, getting flustered at the tiniest bit of affection.

“Well, everything will be closing soon, so I suppose we should head back to the dorms.”

“So, we’re splitting up for the evening?” He frowned.

“Oh, no that’s not what I meant! We can go back to my room and hang out.”

“Okay, sounds good! I’d offer to have you over to my room, but it’s almost guaranteed that Luke will find a way to annoy us.” He laughed. I giggled too, but as we walked along, I couldn’t help but imagine all the teasing I’d get from the brothers once they saw me walk through the door with Solomon. I wasn’t even sure if they’d want him there, if they knew we were on a date. But I decided to push it to the back of my mind, since I was honestly having fun with him.

I slowly pushed open the doors of The House of Lamentation and looked around. Luckily, none of the brothers were near. I took Solomon’s hand and pulled him inside, quickly leading him up the stairs.

“Are you trying to sneak me in?” He chuckled.

“Ssshhh, keep your voice down!” I whispered. “I just don’t want anyone bothering us. Come on, hurry up.”

We quickly stepped down the hallway toward my room, but before we could make it there, the door to Asmo’s room swung open and he stepped out, looking surprised to see us.

“Hey! What are you two doing? Solomon? What are you doing here?” He asked, looking us up and down.

“We’re on a date!” He answered honestly. I frowned at him, shaking my head. I knew nothing good would come of this.

“A date?! Really?” Asmo looked at me. I looked down at the floor and nodded.

“Oh you two....I’m so mad!” Asmo crossed his arms.

“Jealous?” Solomon smirked at Asmo, pulling me close and putting his arm around me. I blushed and looked at Asmo.

“Yes! You know I like you! Both of you!” Asmo whined. He opened the door to his room and waved for us to come inside. Solomon let go of me and went in, but I was hesitant.

“Asmo, you can’t just have everyone in the Devildom to yourself dammit! The one time I get to go on a date with someone who doesn’t live in this house you have to come along and ruin it!” I scolded him.

“Excuse me? You knew that Solomon and I were seeing each other!” He argued.

“You’re ‘seeing’ me too! You’re ‘seeing’ lots of people! Sorry, I didn’t realize you actually took that kind of thing seriously!” I raised my voice. Asmo pouted at me, his puppy dog eyes welling up. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his room, slamming the door behind us. Solomon was already sitting comfortably on Asmo’s bed, clearly not as perplexed by the whole situation as I was. Asmo pointed at the bed and ordered me to sit next to Solomon, and I did as he pleased. We sat there as Asmo tapped his foot, glaring at us with his hands on his hips like a disappointed parent.

“The two most attractive humans in the Devildom, out on a date, without me! It’s not fair!” He groaned.

“We’re the only humans!” I scoffed.

“I know! Exactly!” He started pacing back and forth. I was so confused that I didn’t even bother arguing back. Solomon finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry, Asmo. I should have considered you’re feelings. We were just trying to get to know each other better. If you’d like, you can join our date. The three of us can spend the night together.”

I looked at Solomon in disbelief, but he just smiled at me, taking my hand and squeezing it to reassure me.

“Really?” Asmo said, grinning.

“Sure! We all like each other, right? Let’s have fun together.” Solomon rubbed my hand with his thumb and I was left speechless. Asmo quickly climbed onto the bed with us and threw his arms around Solomon’s neck, both of them collapsing onto the mattress. I knew that this was about to get really crazy, really fast.

“I’m so happy! My two favorite humans in my bed!” Asmo chirped, pulling me toward him and Solomon. We were both lying on our backs with Asmo kneeling over us. He smiled deviously.

“I...um...”

“What’s wrong, feeling shy?” Solomon smiled at me, rolling over onto his stomach. He was loving this just as much as Asmo was.

“Oh don’t worry! We’ll make sure you feel nice and comfortable!” Asmo said as he crawled over me, leaning down to place a kiss on my neck. He knew that was one of my weaknesses, and I started to feel hot all over. Solomon leaned in and kissed my lips, and I could have swore I melted into nothing but a puddle. I kissed him back, closing my eyes. I felt Asmo’s hands creeping up my body, caressing me slowly. Solomon pulled away from me then and sat up to remove his shirt, and Asmo did the same. The gorgeous boys looked looked down at me, hunger in their eyes. I let my eyes explore their perfect bodies, my cheeks turning bright red.

Asmo quickly pulled my top off, while Solomon slid me out of my bottoms, kissing up my thigh. I was already breathing heavy, overwhelmed by them. Asmo kissed down my neck to my collar bone, biting and sucking, leaving a red mark. Solomon removed his pants, rubbing his hard cock over his underwear. Asmo undressed too, but he wasted no time getting naked, revealing his hard cock. Solomon smiled over at Asmo and turned his attention to the lustful demon, taking the cock in his hand and stroking it. Asmo moaned softly, his cock dripping with pre cum. I watched, unable to keep from touching myself as the boys put on a show in front of me.

Solomon laid back, pulling Asmo over to him so that Asmo was sitting on his face, and he started to please the demon with his tongue. I watched as Asmo’s cheeks became flushed and he moaned in pleasure. I removed Solomon’s underwear, taking his big cock in my hand and licking it all over. I worked on him while he worked on Asmo. I heard him moan as I started sucking his hard cock, slowly sliding it deep into my mouth until it hit the back of my throat and I squeezed it firmly with my tongue and lips. Asmo groaned louder, his ass being teased with Solomon’s tongue. Asmo squirmed a little, more pre cum leaking from the tip of his cock as Solomon reached up to stroke it quickly. I continued to suck firmly on Solomon’s cock and he moaned louder, thrusting his hips up into my mouth.

After a while Asmo moved off of Solomon and made his way over to me, pulling me up by the hair and kissing me aggressively, his tongue colliding with mine. He sat back and pulled me backward on top of him, so that I was sitting between his legs, leaning back into his chest. He pushed my legs open and Solomon crawled toward me, going down and using his tongue to please me below. I moaned and thrusted my hips in excitement, his wet tongue sending heat blasting through me. Asmo held me tight, his arms wrapped around me, squeezing and feeling my body. He kissed my ear, licking it playfully.

“Good little human... Solomon is going to fuck you nice and hard, right Sol?” Asmo said sweetly. Solomon nodded, kissing up my body all the way to my lips, giving me a peck before scooting closer, his big cock rubbing against my entrance. Asmo placed his hands under my thighs, pulling my legs up higher, and Solomon slowly slid himself inside, causing me to moan loudly. He started thrusting, his cock hitting deeper with each motion. Asmo giggled a little, watching as Solomon started to fuck me. I groaned louder as he went faster, his cock slamming into me harder and harder.

“You like that? You like it when Solomon fucks you with his big cock?” Asmo said softly in my ear, his hot breath causing me to shiver.

“Yes...hnnn...yes!” I nodded, overcome with lust as I was dominated by the two of them. “More!” I pleaded.

Solomon thrusted harder, fucking me mercilessly just as I had asked. He groaned loudly, smiling at me, a drop of sweat running down his neck. Asmo leaned forward and licked it off, and then he kissed Solomon, the two of them locking lips as Solomon pounded me.

“Mmm I think it’s Sol’s turn...” Asmo smirked, ready to get in on the action. “Lay down.” He ordered, and Solomon obeyed, laying back. Asmo didn’t get out from behind me, instead he pushed me forward so that I was straddling Solomon, and then he pushed Solomon’s legs up and started licking his tight hole. Solomon gasped a little and moaned, looking up at me. I started rubbing myself against his cock, and then I inserted it again, riding him now. He groaned even louder as I grinded my hips into him, his cock shoved all the way inside me.

After some teasing with his tongue, Asmo prodded Solomon’s tight ass with his hard cock, slowly pushing it inside. Asmo fucked the human boy as I rode his dick, and he stared up at both of us, mouth wide open as he panted and shouted in pleasure. I moved my hips faster, and so did Asmo, both of us thrusting harder and harder.

“You’re so tight, Solomon! Ah...! I love your tight little ass!” Asmo teased.

“Having fun?” I winked at him, biting my lip as I rode his big cock. He was so overwhelmed that all he could do was groan and squirm underneath us.

“Ah...ah fuck! I’m gonna cum!” Solomon cried out, finally mustering up some words. I felt his cock throb inside me, and I was coming close too as it hit again and again in my most sensitive spot. We both let out a long, loud moan, cumming together. He filled my insides with his warm load, and I tightened around his cock. Asmo continued fucking him, slowing down a little as I sat for a moment and enjoyed the warmth.

“Hey! That’s not fair!” Asmo whined, stopping his thrusts. I looked back at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You think we’re just going to leave you to cum all alone?” I asked, smirking at him. I dismounted and got on all fours, looking up at Asmo. Solomon joined me, kneeling beside me, both of us level with Asmo’s dripping cock. Asmo smiled and brushed his cock against both of our lips, before pushing it into my mouth. I sucked on it hard, sliding it in and out of my mouth. He pulled it out and Solomon took it next, sucking and licking it all over. I leaned in and started licking around the base, while Solomon sucked firmly on the head. The pleasure from both of our tongues quickly had Asmo’s cock pulsing, and he moaned loudly one last time as he came, covering both of our faces in sticky cum. Asmo pulled both of us up, kissing me first and then Solomon, cum now dripping from all of our lips.

The three of us lay on Asmo’s bed, catching our breath. But before long, Asmo was already kissing all over my body again, and Solomon was stroking himself as he watched. I could see by the look in their eyes that we had only begun. This would be a long date night, but in my head I was already thinking of when to schedule our next one.

[sunsetcurbed]

you showed me faith is not blind (miracles happen)

Pairing: Alex/Willie  Words: 4,279  Rating: T Chapter Warnings: none  Chapter: 9/11 read on AO3 

Chapter Summary: Alex has the personality of a shut-in, but the mind for bettering the lives of the common people. That's what his country needs.

But… can he?

Princes, kings, rulers… they're born. They're not made. And that's what his grandmother is trying to do. She's trying to make him one. And it's not like she's doing poorly, per se, but… he's Alex. He wasn't born to rule a country.

(*) 

Weeks pass. Time blurs by Alex and he just barely keeps up with it. Julie and the Phantoms plays a large company's winter holiday party, Willie attends more lessons with Alex (this, Alex particularly enjoys as Willie is tied to his chair at dinner for posture like Alex had been at the start of lessons), his dad stops talking to him again once he finds out Alex is dating Willie, and at school they've just finished finals and started on their break today. In the past two weeks Caleb has approached Willie twice more when he's out around Hollywood. They've been brief. Just exchanges of Caleb asking how Willie is, and then asking how Alex is, but Alex knows Willie is put off about it. Alex is too, and becomes even more so when Wednesday the 15th, six days before the Ball, Willie texts him again.

(17:59) Covington just legit sat and had tea with me and started talking with me and flat out asked if you were gonna accept the crown or not

(17:59) "It's killing us all, is he gonna accept or not? Do you know?"

(18:00) So not only does he lack manners and discretion, but also patience lmao

Alex tenses his jaw and clutches his phone tight in his hand. He raises his arm as if he's going to throw it, but then lowers it back down, slowly. He lets out a long breath and texts Willie back quick, telling him to get home safely, and apologizes for Caleb. Then he tosses his phone to the side and looks back to where his band is sitting. He was just about to get up to join them so they could work on some harmonies, but he wanted to check his phone first. Now they are all staring at him and he is frozen to the spot.

"Sorry," he murmurs.

"What's up, buddy?" Reggie asks cautiously.

"You, uh, remember that Covington guy we showed you and warned you to stay away from?"

"Yeah?" Julie asks.

"He's been going after Willie the last few weeks. He had tea with him today."

"What?" Reggie frowns. "Why?"

Alex sighs, not really wanting to get into it but also knowing his friends deserve the explanation. "Caleb is next in line for the throne if I choose to decline. And… he wants it. He's trying to get information out of Willie. About my decision."

There's a minute long pause in the room. No one has anything to say to that. He didn't really expect them to. It's a shitty thing, and it's a shitty thing that can't be changed or stopped. Willie's already being tailed by two security every time he goes out in public for safety, but he's told them not to interfere unless he motions to them. He's yet to feel threatened enough that he's had to. He's been handling it incredibly according to his grandmother and security though—giving enough information to keep Caleb from getting angry, but not enough to give anything away. Still, it makes Alex's blood boil. That Willie is in the situation in the first place to 'handle it incredibly.' God, he fucking hates Caleb Covington.

"You remember what I said last month?" Reggie's voice cuts through Alex's thoughts. Alex looks up. He frowns, shakes his head. Reggie smiles. "Even if you move, become prince of some country, we'll still find a way to make this work. We're a band."

The way Reggie says 'band' doesn't sound like he's saying 'band.' Not even close. No, because the weight behind the way Reggie says 'band' is the weight behind the way many people say 'family.' Alex can hear clear as day in Reggie's tone that Reggie is calling Alex and Luke his brothers and Julie his sister. That Reggie is calling this band his family.

Luke stands up from the couch and swings his guitar onto his back. "Yeah man, look," he says, "I'm sorry for how I reacted that day, but even if you—even if you choose to be prince you're still our drummer, y'know? It might complicate things, but Reg said it. We'll make it work."

Alex blinks the welling tears out of his eyes and clears his throat. "Well—I'm not. I-I can't, you know? That's not… I'm not. It's just not who I am."

"But it kind of is, now," Reggie argues. "I mean aside from the argument that you could redefine their monarchy to fit who you are, you… you've been in those prince lessons for over a month now and you've made serious progress with your social anxiety. You… you don't just have a prince's title anymore. You are a prince."

"He's right," Julie agrees. "You've made so much progress in just over a month, and you'll have so much more time to grow into this role. I think this is your thing, you just haven't accepted it yet. Don't write it off yet. I don't want you to regret it down the line."

"Where is this coming from?" he demands. "I thought you guys knew I wasn't going to accept."

"We knew for like, the first few days," Reggie says, "because you told us. But after that you never mentioned it again, but you talked about Beasiga a lot. So we like, kinda started to doubt it a little."

"I think I know more about Beasiga than the US at this point," Luke grumbles, grabbing at the guitar strap across his chest. "But yeah, dude. You literally just said 'if' not 'when' a minute ago. And if you were serious about giving it up, you could've just told Willie to tell that Caleb guy that you were stepping down and then Caleb would leave him alone."

Oh.

That is a thing Alex could have done.

But Alex really, really isn't sure if he wants to renounce his claim, and now he's even less so.

Alex swallows around the lump in his throat and looks away from his friends. His eyes fall on his hi-hat, and he thinks: they're willing to make it work if he accepts his role as prince. His shoulders feel looser, his head feels clearer, his heart feels lighter. He's not sure how they'll make it work, but he's positive that they can find a way. Which makes his decision a whole lot harder now. In the start, there had been a lot of reasons that he had been ready to reject his role as prince, but over time, more and more of those reasons had fallen away until only a few remained. Today there had been two main reasons remaining: the band and his anxiety. After this talk they're having now, only one of those remains. And even that one has been slowly falling away the better he became at coping.

The further Alex delved into the Beasigan world over the past month and a half, no matter how reluctant he had been at first, the more he loved it. He was fascinated with his country's history, he was eager to theoretically be a part of solutions to problems the country faced, he was in love with their culture. And the more he envisioned being a prince, the closer he stepped towards the role. His etiquette lessons had changed him in small but meaningful ways, he was more confident in himself due to the therapy and coaching both, and, watching his grandmother, he was struck that he could do much, much worse than to aspire to be like her. He is confident that he could be a better ruler than Caleb—policy wise, anyways. Caleb has the personality of a public figure, but the mind of a conqueror. Alex has the personality of a shut-in, but the mind for bettering the lives of the common people. That's what his country needs.

But… can he?

Princes, kings, rulers… they're born. They're not made. And that's what his grandmother is trying to do. She's trying to make him one. And it's not like she's doing poorly, per se, but… he's Alex. He wasn't born to rule a country.

"Do you think I can?" he asks

"Buddy, you definitely can," Reggie says. "You've got this."

"Apart from being cheesy and saying that I think you can do anything," Julie smiles, "I really think you can do this, Alex. I think you think you can do this too; you just don't want to admit it because you're scared."

Alex doesn't know if it's that he's scared, exactly, but he's just… he really doesn't know if he can do this. There's so much to it and Alex wouldn't even know where to begin. No, he wouldn't be all-powerful, so he would be helped along, would be more of a voice than the voice. But even that was daunting. What if he wasn't up to snuff? What if he made a fool of himself? What if he did something that hurt the country? Is he willing to take those risks? Again, he asks himself: can he do this?

"In third grade you were the last of us to make it all the way across the monkey bars," Luke says. He's staring at the notebook that's in front of him but then his eyes flick up to meet Alex's. They're intense and Alex feels himself sitting up straighter under his friend's gaze. "But once you made it across, you could do it faster than me or Reg. And then in fifth grade when we started school band, you got a satisfactory on your report card for drums for the entire first year. Fucking look at you now. When you asked me to teach you guitar, you couldn't get the strumming patterns right for forever. Now there isn't a song you can't play. You got a thirty on the ACT, which was great. And you did it as a sophomore. But you wanted to do better. So you studied, went back, and took it as a junior and got a thirty-four to get your pick of colleges. … And then your grandma shows up. And calls you a prince. And that's the thing you decide you can't do?" he asks. He scoffs and shakes his head. "No. You can. You have been. Dude, you are."

Alex stares at Luke, completely stunned. If he's being completely honest, he didn't expect Luke to support Alex in this—didn't expect Luke to be pushing Alex towards being a prince. Sure, Luke had already agreed with Reggie, had already said that they'd find a way to make Alex being a prince work with him in the band, but Alex wasn't entirely sure if he was serious or not. Apparently he was. Very.

He carries Luke's words home with him that night and thinks on them as his family eats dinner, and as he plays MarioKart with Ava and Austin, and as he gathers up his dirty clothes for his mom to do laundry. As he brings them to her, he draws in a deep breath. When he reaches her, he lets it out.

"Mom?"

"Oh!" She spins around, dropping the laundry basket in the process. "Oh, sweetie, you scared me."

"Sorry," he says.

"It's fine," she shakes her head and leans down to grab the basket. She starts loading the washer back up and twists to look at him. "What's up?"

"I—Beasiga."

She hesitates with her next handful, and then stops loading the washer entirely. "Yeah?"

Alex draws in a deep breath and starts. "I've been—thinking a lot lately. You told me to keep my mind open at the start of this and while I didn't originally, it… I opened it up after a while. And now I've been thinking about… about accepting my role as prince." One of his mom's hands drifts up to her chest and she sucks in a breath. "I haven't made up my mind. I… I really haven't made up my mind. I have no idea how the hell I'm going to make up my mind, and how I'm going to do it in six days. But… but I wanted to ask you. If I do… do you think I can?"

His mom looks off to the side and the hand on her chest presses down and rubs over her heart. She blows out a breath. "Well… that's a heavy question." She looks at him and tilts her head. "I think… I think probably. I… I don't think you could have done it before those lessons your grandma gave you—"

"Oh, not a chance," Alex snorts.

His mom smiles. "Right. But I think now you probably could. I mean, no one really knows if they can until they try. I think you could try."

Alex smiles and thanks her, and turns to go back to his room.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't feel like you… have to do this, do you?" she asks.

"No, Mom. I don't. If I felt like I had to there wouldn't be a chance in hell I would be considering it."

He retreats to his room and opens his laptop to put on Netflix. He barely pays attention to what he puts on, and pays even less attention to the screen while it plays.

Prince lessons the next day start in the morning since there's no school. Alex makes it until lunch before he breaks.

"You… you know I've been considering accepting my role as prince," Alex states. His grandmother nods. "I've not come to a decision. But I wanted to talk to you about it anyways."

"All right," she says, putting her fork down. "We can absolutely do that."

"There are a lot of reasons I am considering taking my place as prince. I'm sure you know most of them. But there are a lot of reasons I'm wary of it as well. My band—they say we'll make it work, but we haven't actually figured out how we'll make it work, and I don't want to give that up. And, well. My anxiety. It's gotten better, I've developed coping mechanisms and I'm sure over time I'll develop more, but as of right now it's… I'm really, well, anxious about it. And… well. The main one, and the thing that has been pestering me all f—freaking night. I-I—" he looks down at his plate, nerves getting the best of him. "I don't know if I can. The band told me I could, and my mom told me I probably could, but… I don't know how I'm supposed to know if I can."

"Alexander," his grandmother says immediately. He looks up at her and finds her smiling at him. "I have… watched you study century old texts, memorize policy after policy, research Beasigan law. I have seen you change the way you hold yourself, develop coping strategies for anxiety, step into who you are in ways that you never thought you could before this last month and a half. And I have seen your ideas for the future of your people, seen your care for your people, seen your heart for your people. I don't think there is anyone who can do this better than you can."

"My people?"

"They've just been waiting for you to arrive," she tells him, and Alex knows that she's speaking of the people of Beasiga.

He bites down on his lip and looks down at his chicken.

His people.

He… really likes the sound of that, actually.

The next few days fly by quickly, too quickly for Alex to really process. It's mainly because he's stressed, like, majorly so. He still hasn't come to a decision by Monday. He's at Willie's at his grandmother's suggestion, trying to decompress and relax, but it's not… it's not really working.

They're lying in Willie's bed watching a movie, but Alex isn't even sure what movie it is. Willie's head is pillowed on Alex's chest and Alex is running his fingers through Willie's hair. Willie's got one hand tucked underneath Alex's shirt, rubbing his side with his thumb, twitching his other fingers every once in a while, brushing against the side of Alex's back. It's nice and quiet and Alex wants to stay here forever but.

But the ball is tomorrow.

The ball is tomorrow and he still hasn't made up his mind.

For days now he's been asking people if they think he can do this. Obviously the band, his grandmother, his mom… but also his limo driver, also Tasha, also Alden and John and the security guards managing the consulate doors and a few of the other staff he'd gotten to know. He'd even emailed Mrs. Harrison and Principal Lessa. He'd texted a few of his friends from school that he mainly talked to in class. The overwhelming majority have been yeses. Alex doesn't know how many of those are genuine yeses, and how many just don't want to hurt his feelings. Not that his feelings would be hurt, because he's the one constantly telling himself that he can't do this. A few people, like his mom, have said 'probably.' They've backed up their reasoning, though. They've said that no one really knows until they do something. They've said that Alex-before-prince lessons wouldn't have been able to but Alex-now probably could. They've said that as long as he keeps his head on straight. There haven't been any nos, but again, people might just not want to hurt his feelings.

He hasn't asked everyone though.

"Willie?" Alex whispers.

"Hm?"

Alex waits for a long moment. He's scared to ask, because he doesn't know what he wants Willie's answer to be. He wants Willie to be honest, but he desperately doesn't want to hear Willie say that Alex can't do this. Also more importantly, he doesn't know what he'll do with Willie's answer. What if Willie thinks he can? Will that influence his choice?

Willie shifts his head on Alex's chest to look up at Alex, and he realizes he's taking too long. He draws in a deep breath, making Willie's head fall with his chest, and asks, "do you think I can do this?"

"The speech at the ball? Yeah, Alex, you'll be fine. You've been doing really great with your anxiety," Willie assures him, squeezing his side.

Alex sighs. "No. I mean, thanks but, I—being a prince. A king. Ruling a country. Do you think I can?"

Willie flips so he's on his stomach, his arm curled around Alex's waist. He shimmies up the bed until he's face to face with Alex and looks him in the eye. "Man, I don't know," he says, and Alex's heart starts to drop. "All I care about is whether or not you're willing. That's the important part. That's the part that's gonna make a difference."

Alex blinks.

So, he has to be willing.

… Well, is he?

The short answer is he doesn't know.

The long answer is that, first, Caleb Covington is next in line for the throne and Alex (and countless others) doesn't want him to take the throne. Alex is the only one who has the opportunity to stop him. By taking his rightful place as prince and eventually king, and then by eventually having a child, Caleb would no longer have his claim. Second, Beasiga is a country with strong ties to many countries around the world. It didn't survive for over three hundred years, over one hundred of those without an army, by being anti-social. Alex would have an opportunity to impact not only Beasiga, but also the world. It wouldn't be anything revolutionary or that would create world peace, but if he can take even a single step towards making even one country a better place for even one group of people… he thinks the entire thing would be worth it. Finally, Beasiga is full of people he cares about, even if he's never met them, and he wants to make their lives better. The people in the country are passionate and full of life and Alex can tell that just from hearing and reading about them, just from news stories, just from social media. He wants to make a difference, wants to leave a mark.

After that though, he has to think of the life he'd be giving up. Even if they managed to make things work, what are the chances he'd ever get to go on tour with the band? Slim to none. Security wouldn't hear of it, and he wouldn't have the time to leave for six months. Willie said he would stick with Alex, but what if things got too hard? What if the pressures of royalty were too much for Willie and he didn't want that anymore? And his future kid—kids? His mom and biological dad had hidden him from the royal world because they wanted him to live a "normal" childhood. What would a royal childhood mean for any children he'd have? One of them would grow up to be ruler of Beasiga one day and would be feeling the same pressure he is right now. They'd also be wondering if they could do it. Or—or maybe not. Maybe he was right when he said that rulers were born. Maybe the fact that he was thrown into this at such a late age is the reason he doubts himself so much.

And then—then he thinks… he can recite many Beasigan policies and when and why they were developed, he can quote multiple Beasigan laws and tell you when and where they were passed, and he can discuss Beasigan history back to before the start of the country. And he's proud that he can do that and he likes that he can do that and he wants to learn even more about Beasiga. Over the last month and a half he's prepared for this. And it's not like he's going to become king next week, just prince. He's still got plenty of time before he becomes king. He'd have time to graduate college before he becomes king, and in that time, he could learn plenty more about Beasiga's policies and laws and history, and even its people and culture and architecture and so much more.

But… he's scared.

There it is, he admits it now. Julie was right again, no one is surprised.

He's absolutely terrified.

Stepping into his role as prince means giving up the life he's known for sixteen years and accepting the life he's known for one month. It means giving up the life he expected and taking on the life he… well, that he couldn't have even dreamt up. And it means accepting something about himself that he really, really didn't want to accept.

That he is, in fact, a prince.

Being a prince, later king, makes him separate from everyone else. It makes him somehow more untouchable to a certain group of people—actually, to most people. It takes away his normalcy. Beyond that, it puts him on a pedestal and in a spotlight and illuminates all of his flaws, all of his mistakes, all of his missteps and setbacks and failures.

A prince. Could he be that?

He technically is, whether he likes it or not, but… if he accepts it, well… There'd be no going back. Is he willing to give up this life for that?

In economics, they learned about opportunity cost. It's the concept of what you miss gaining by opting for a different choice. For example, by going to school, a person is gaining knowledge, but the opportunity cost is that they're giving up a few extra hours of sleep. If they choose to go out with friends rather than study, they gain time with friends, but the opportunity cost is the hours they could have spent studying and the potential grade they could have gotten had they spent those hours studying instead. As Alex thinks on it, he wants to laugh. Those examples are accurate but they seem so insignificant compared to his situation. What's the opportunity cost if he decides to become a prince? What is it if he doesn't? All he knows is that there are two things that Alex can't sacrifice in his choice. There are two things that he will not allow to be his opportunity cost. His band and…

Alex blinks up at Willie, who's suddenly even closer than before, and it doesn't take much at all for Alex to lean up and close the gap between them. Willie kisses him back, opening his mouth under Alex's lips and sighing. Alex presses back into the kiss, and slips a hand into Willie's hair and guides him deeper until they're both lost in each other. Alex feels his heart fluttering, hears their shaky breaths between kisses, and tastes traces of Willie's toothpaste on his breath. Willie has been with him through this all, and has pushed him not to do what he thinks he should do, but what he wants to do. Alex wants Willie, yes, but what he really wants… he wants Willie to be beside him in Beasiga.

He pulls back.

"I'm going to be Prince," he whispers.

Willie smiles. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

There's a long pause in the room, the only noise being the sound of whatever movie is playing in the background. Willie is staring at Alex, flicking his eyes over parts of Alex's face, searching for any sign of hesitation. He settles on Alex's eyes and gives Alex a weighted look.

"Love you, Prince Alex," Willie says, and then they're back to kissing, and Alex feels like these are the two best decisions he's ever made.

[miyamorana]

First Lines

Stolen from @katvonbirb

Rules are: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line.

—

Tinsel and Mistletoe (VLD)

The sun is peeking through the curtains, the single ray of pale morning light landing right on his eyelid. Lance grabs the edge of his bedsheet and drags it over his face, smothering the light and silently cursing his past self for not properly drawing the curtains shut.

There Be Dragons (HP)

Harry and his godfathers move to London just after his 11th birthday. Sirius’ estranged mother passed away, and he inherited his childhood house.

Finally Free (JatP)

They’re arguing about the harmonies of their newest song when Flynn pushes open the door and announces that Julie and her need to talk about outfits.

“We don’t even have our next gig yet,” Luke replies. “We should finish working out this bridge before talking about costumes.”

Something Cosmic (RNM)

Guerin is… No, not Guerin, Alex admonishes himself. Michael. Michael is waiting for him by the car, leaning against it in a very cowboy posture, thumbs in the belt loops of his pants. He seems relaxed, but the way he quickly licks his bottom lip as he looks at Alex betrays his nerves. Alex smiles softly, pushing down his own nerves knotting his throat.

In the Morning (RNM)

Michael wakes up to a thundering headache, which isn’t fair. He didn’t even have anything to drink – he’s not stupid, he knows his metabolism doesn’t handle alcohol well. He does remember the taste of punch on his lips though. No. Not on his lips.

Rush (TW)

The snow creeks under Stiles’ feet, a soft, muffled sound in the stillness of the night. Everything is soft in the park. Muted, somehow, even though he can see in details he wouldn’t have been able to make out in daylight before.

Recommencement (Merlin)

Arthur déplaça la bougie afin de pouvoir lire le nom de la petite ville à l’orée de la forêt, faisant attention de ne pas faire couler de cire sur la carte. Il n’était pas sûr de quand la nuit était tombée exactement, mais les lampes avaient été allumées et une assiette de nourriture, toujours pleine et désormais froide, avait été posée à côté de lui. 

Of Magic and Duty (LoL)

Sometimes, Darius wonders how long Zaun is going to last before some experiment accidentally turns its already heavily polluted atmosphere completely toxic, or maybe simply makes the whole place explode. He just hopes it doesn’t happen while he’s there. That would be a very disappointing way to die.

In Earth’s Cradle (DA2)

Fenris moves through the battle, Fade-stepping to get faster, to dodge attacks and projectiles. One second he’s not-quite-there, and the enemy sword is ripping through air, the next he’s material again, his fist becoming solid inside the soldier’s chest, flesh and bone ripping to make space for him.

He’ll Bite (CA)

Sam’s the one who finds Bucky, or maybe Bucky finds Sam, neither mentioned much about how it happened but now Bucky’s sitting in Sam’s kitchen, hands wrapped around a warm cup of coffee, and Steve doesn’t know what to say.

Sugar and Spice (Angel)

Wolfram & Hart is no more, and Angel Investigations moved back into the Hyperion hotel. Spike tagged along, because really he has no other place to go to, and he did help save the world after all. (“Twice!” he would insist on pointing out.)

It Must Be (BtVS)

“You cannot tell anyone,” Anya hears as she walks past the door to Dawn’s room.

She stops, carefully tiptoes towards said door and presses her ear against the wooden panel. What is Dawn up to this time? With the First after them, they really don’t have time for more of Dawn’s teenage crisis. She thought they were past this.

Derrière la Porte (TW)

Pourquoi est-ce que personne ne lui avait dit que les études universitaires, c’est dur? Stiles se masse le front dans l’ascenseur, essayant de faire disparaître le début de mal de tête qu’il sent déjà poindre. Il est tard, plus tard que l’heure à laquelle il rentre d’habitude, et son portable n’a plus de batterie, aussi espère-t-il que Derek ne se soit pas trop inquiété.

Sleepless (DA2)

Fenris first notices it after they kill the dragon at the Bone Pit. Well, the new one. Hawke has a claw stuck through her arm, and though she says it’s fine he insists on dragging her to the clinic, even if he has to break the door and shake Anders awake. There is no door-breaking or shaking required, because even though it’s so late some might call it early Anders is up, working, organising the potions on his shelves and listing the things he’ll need to procure soon.

Dearest Laura (TW)

Dearest Laura,

I've been staring at these two words for the last ten minutes, wondering how to start this, but I'm not even sure why I sat down with paper and pen in the first place. Maybe I'm feeling lonely, now that Derek and uncle Peter are gone. Maybe I'm feeling guilty... guilty of so many things, none the least what happened all those years ago.

Cyberwolf (TW)

There are many ways to cheat death if you have the knowledge and the resources, Peter had once said in one of his weird speeches in which he gives you disturbing information you didn’t want, and none of the information you actually need. They were probably discussing the subject of Lydia’s nature, and wondering how Peter had been able to use that to come back from the dead, which still made absolutely zero sense to Stiles. But the words had stuck in his mind, burrowed deep, and started growing into questions and ideas.

Respite (TW)

Derek’s eyes open as he gasps for breath, panicking. For a second, he doesn’t remember where he is. For a second, he can still feel the arms of his nightmare holding him up, can still feel his claws sinking into Boyd’s chest, Boyd’s energy seep out of him and into Derek.

In Wolf Skin (TW)

“No,” Stiles says, pointing a finger at the teenager in front of him. “No no no! You give it back right now!”

New Spark (TW)

Isaac is sitting on Scott’s bed, shuffling through the songs on Scott’s ipod, trying to find one he can actually focus on. There’s no use, he can’t help himself, his ears stay tuned to the sound of Scott and his mom’s conversation downstairs.

Burning Embers (TW)

Peter looks down at Cora’s face, trying to match the features of the teenager in front of him with his memories of the eleven-year-old kid he last saw half-an-hour before the fire. Her presence here makes no sense. She must have been in her bedroom, doing homework, when the house burst into flames.

—

Firstly, it is sad that I had to go back all the way to 2013 for my last 20 fics. I really need to write more. T_T

As for a pattern, idk, I don’t really see one? Sometimes I drop the reader in the middle of things, sometimes I set up a scene with descriptions, sometimes I go into a character’s head... Do you see a pattern in my fic openings?

My favorite of these is a toss up between In Wolf Skin and Tinsel and Mistletoe, I think, even though they are very very different.

I’m “tagging” anyone who feels like doing this?

[bandblogging]

Let Me Down Slow (Calum Hood imagine)

Pairing: Calum Hood x reader

Words: 2.2k

Requested: yes @yessii-i asked (short version): "a fic based on the song “Let Me Down Slow” by New Hope Club were the reader and Cal are best friends and the reader is in love w/ him and starts acting weird so he confronts them and when they confess he doesn’t reciprocate their feelings."

Summary: basically the request

A/N: I feel like this could've been more angsty sorry.

Also this is based on the song Let me down slow by New Hope Club, check them out I did for this and they are genuinely really good!

___

Been on the point of giving up

For over a year and a half you had been able to keep your feelings down and to yourself but now you felt like you were at the point of breaking. Calum had been your best friend for almost four year but you still didn't know what his reaction would be. At first it had crept up on you, thinking about him more, wanting to spend more time together. Suddenly he looked even more attractive to you, something almost pulled you towards him. It took you a while to admit to yourself that you clearly had a crush on him and even longer to accept that you loved him. The last thing you needed was to ruin you friendship but you felt you wouldn't have a different choice for much longer.

If all is fair in war and love

Then why do we fight?

For a whole week now you hadn't talked or seen Calum, the longest time in your whole friendship. You couldn't bare the sight of him flirting with other girls or running after them. Last week had ended with a fight between you two, about something really stupid and unnecessary. It might have been about a TV show or something but you couldn't even remember, it had been that stupid. Those fights had become more frequent, often started by him, challenging something you had said.

'Cause we don't really talk about life no more

Tonight however you were seeing him again, there was a small get together at his place and surprisingly you were explicitly invited. He had texted you just that morning, breaking the silence and reminding you about it. A spark of hope grew in your heart and a grin formed on your face. Maybe there was still a chance that things would go back to how they used to be.

In the back of your head however you knew that you couldn't keep your feeling from him for long. You loved him and even though you didn't want to lose your friendship you didn't think that just being friends would work for you. You had practiced saying the words to him what felt like a hundred times in the mirror already but none of them felt right. Usually you could read him pretty well but thinking about his reaction you didn't have a clue. Maybe he was really good at hiding his own feelings and you weren't the only one feeling this way, but maybe not. He could just as well feel absolutely nothing for you and not want a friendship when he hears this.

The plan was to see how this evening would evolve and depending on the outcome you'd finally tell him. So you got ready and took a uber to his place. You recognized a few cars along the street and guessed that the place was already kinda crowded.

Your suspicions were right, the living room was full of people and you found Calum in the kitchen. You placed the snacks down on the table and went up to greet him. "Cal, how's it going?", you asked him and smiled. "Y/N, drinks are in the fridge-", he said but got interrupted by a friend of his. He didn't even smile at you when he disappeared with the other guy and left you alone in the kitchen.

When the night comes crawling, I'm holding on

You felt your throat close up and your heart dropped. He had immediately destroyed the little bit of hope you had left. You couldn't understand his action, couldn't wrap your head around it. You were the one with feelings, you should be the one to act weird not him.

The others were deep in conversation when you joined the living room and you looked for a place to sit down in peace. A few people threw some greetings towards you as you passed them and after a few short words you found an empty chair to sit in. You sipped on your drink, not really interested in getting drunk.

People came up to you and even though they were your friends you weren't in the mood to talk. There was just one person that you wanted to talk to but he was on the balcony, having a smoke and laughing with others. You felt yourself stare at him and tried to break your gaze but he still met your stare. You turned away quickly, embarrassed by his eyes boring into yours.

When you looked back most of the others were back inside and he was stood outside with a two girls, clearly flirting.

For something to change, tension to break

'Things aren't going to change' you whispered to yourself, looking into the bathroom mirror. You saw the dissapointment in your eyes and felt the knot came back in your throat, indicating tears. You swallowed hard, trying to think of something else. Somehow you managed to put on a smile and when you came out of the bathroom you fled into the next conversation you could find. The offered drink was a welcomed distraction and maybe getting drunk wasn't such a bad idea.

A couple of hours passed that way and Calum was at the very back of your mind, almost forgotten. You felt a bit tipsy, a certain confidence boost coming with it. You chatted with people you usually didn't talk much too and somehow ended in a conversation with someone you barely knew. He told you he was a friend of Luke's and that he didn't know many people, so you stayed with him for a while. It took you far too long to realize that he was flirting with you. Once you picked up on it you started to feel uncomfortable, you didn't want to lead him on. You excused yourself from the conversation quickly and made your way through the crow again. You bumped shoulders with someone and when you turned around to apologise it was Calum. "Oh, sorry", you muttered towards him but kept going.

There's something different in the way you look

You pushed your way through the people and went out onto the balcony. This wasn't you, you wouldn't usually act that dismissive of Calum but some part of you just did it. You leaned against the balustrade and stayed out there for a while. A couple people came outside too, smoking and chatting with you for a bit. Before they went back inside they said goodbye, mentioning that they were heading to a different party now. You wished them a good rest of the night and stared back into the dark backyard. You remembered nights were you stayed out there with Calum and looked at the stars, talking about stupid stuff and having a sleepover just like friends do. Back then you hadn't caught feelings yet and it had felt so innocent. Now you weren't sure if it would happen ever again.

A while later you turned around and for a second you were confused, the living room was pretty empty only a couple of people left. Most had probably gone to the same party. You wanted to push yourself off the balustrade and walk back in when you saw Calum. He had his armes wrapped around a girl, her sucking on his neck and surely leaving hickeys. You couldn't help but roll your eyes and look a bit disgusted. You were still shaking your head when Calum's eyes met yours and his blissful expression suddenly changed. He muttered something to the girl who begrudgingly let go of his neck and pulled away. He walked towards the balcony with an unamused expression. He shut the door behind him and you immediately knew this wasn't going to end well. "Honestly what the hell is going on with you?", he asked you and crossed his arms. "I don't know what you mean", you replied but didn't meet his gaze. "This isn't you, why are you acting like that", you could tell that he was annoyed. "I still don't know what you want from me, but honestly I can just leave that'll make it easier.", you threw towards him in a bratty tone and added a whispered, "can be me for once". "Lately you've been so-", he couldn't find the words and just huffed a few times, "-why Y/N?". "Why what? Goddammit Calum just tell me what bothers you, oh wait you don't want to talk to me", you crossed your arms too, copying him. He took a breath and took a step towards you. "Just tonight, you brushed me off multiple times, you left to some part of my home with some stranger and whenever I am with girls you look like you will murder them", he tried to keep his voice down but it wasn't working very well. "I am the one acting weird?", you asked outraged. "You didn't want to talk to me for a week and tonight you were the one that brushed me off. I thought we were supposed to be best friends.-", you took a deep breath, "-Also the guy, I literally showed him the bathroom and we talked in the hallway". You huffed and leaned back on the balustrade, staring at him. "You ignored my call the first time", he exclaimed but you quickly cut him off. "Because we were fighting, a fight you started by the way".

It was unusual for you two to fight and you didn't like it. This was the exact opposite of what you wanted to do with Calum but he had no right to talk to you like that. To you he was the one in the wrong, the one breaking your heart.

If you're gonna let me go

It's gonna hurt so choose your words

"Fighting? You remember how that started? You almost jumped a girl because you thought she was touching me without my consent even though I was clearly trying to hit that", he raised his voice. Remembering it made you wince quietly, jealousy really had struck you that night. "And now you again, why can't I make out with them. You don't have to choose them for me, I can do that myself. It's almost like you want to-", he suddenly stopped and looked at you, realising what was going on. 'Don't say it, don't say it', repeated in your head but he still went ahead. "-like you want that to be you", now Calum was the one staring at you.

There was silence, deafening silence. You didn't want to tell him this soon, not this way but now you didn't have another choice.

"Because that's exactly what I want Calum. Because I want to be the one that makes out with you.", you admitted and kept your head down. "I want to be the one you choose"

More silence, silence that was slowly breaking your heart. It was obvious now that he wasn't feeling the same and anticipating his words was hard.

Baby, let me down slow

"Y/N", his tone was apologetic and you swear you heard your heart break. "I'm sorry", he muttered out. The rest of your heart dropped and you felt your throat close up once again. This time however tears shot in your eyes and you could barely hold them back. You nodded your head in trance, waiting for him to say more.

When he didn't, you broke the silence. "I love you Calum, I can't just turn that off", your voice was shaking. He looked up and met your eyes. "I just don't", he whispered back. You let his words repeat in your mind a few times before the first tear fell.

If love is just a wicked game

Then why do we play?

You hated yourself for loving him. It was stupid, it was dumb. It only brought you heartache, you had a perfectly good friendship and you had to ruin it. Love had never been on your side and once again it was just there to hurt you. He stood in front of you, not moving, not saying anything. "I should leave", you manage to choke out and push yourself away from the railing. "Y/N", Calum's voice made another tear fall down but you knew this wasn't going to change anything.

If you're gonna let me go

It's gonna hurt so choose your words

"What does this mean?", he asked and stepped in your way. "It means that I love my best friend who doesn't love me back", your tone was bitter. He looked taken aback but didn't move. "For our friendship", he added. "For what's left of it?", you asked and a sad chuckle fell from you lips. "I don't know, nothing good I guess. I can't see you making out with girls, always wishing it was me", it was hard for you to admit but maybe this really was the end.

"Maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while then", Calum's words hit you hard, so hard because they were right. "Maybe", it was more of a whisper. You moved around him and went inside, keeping your head down, avoiding the others.

Once the front door had shut behind you you couldn't hold it together anymore. Tears started streaming down your face and you were shaken by sobs. The way home was long and usually you would take a taxi but you needed the fresh air. It was hard to breathe between the sobs, the lump in your throat not helping.

Baby, let me down, oh

Everything was taken from you in one night, your love, your heart, your best friend, your friends and now your breath.

[kaitycole]

Broken Wooden Fence Posts

Summary: Drake starts working on Jackson Walker’s ranch, but will that get him any closer to the truth?

Word Count: 1410

Pairing: Drake x Riley, Jackson x ???

Warnings: Angst, betrayal, and heartache

Part 4 of WP. To catch up read here.

Tag List: @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ @kingliam2019​ @texaskitten30​ @glaimtruelovealways​ @bobasheebaby​ @bascmve01​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @the-everlasting-dream​ @ao719​ @burnsoslow​ @sirbeepsalot​ @janezillow​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @kimmiedoo5​ @choices97​

“Howdy! What can I do for you?”

“Oh uhm…” he stammers over his words, “work.”

The older man looks at Drake like he’s crazy or on something, “you’re here for your work?”

Drake shakes his head, “No, uhm, I heard you’re looking for workers. I worked on a ranch as a kid.”

“Really?” The man’s reaction should be surprised, but to Drake’s surprise, he doesn’t seem that surprised.

“Yes, in Texas. My parents owned it.”

“It’s just me and Luke these days, so I could always use a skilled hand.” Jackson says.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Well c’mon, let me give you a tour,” Jackson waves for Drake to follow him, “Ahh…what’d you say your name was again?”

“Drake.” He pauses, “Drake Walker.”

*                      *

Jackson runs his fingers through his greying hair, “Common last name, eh?”

Almost mirroring the man’s action subconsciously, Drake simply replies, “Guess so.”

The both of them walk throughout the ranch, Jackson showing Drake around and telling him about the various tasks that he really needs help with.

“Most of the fencing needs redone and I’d like to fix up that old barn.”

Drake nods, half paying attention, half analyzing the man in front of him. Partially praying that he’s right and this is his dad, but also hoping maybe Riley and his mother are right.          

“Any questions?”

Before Drake can answer, the blonde-haired boy he saw before comes running over to them.

“Dad, can I-“ He starts but Jackson stops him.

“We have company, it’s rude to not introduce yourself.”

Luke straightens his shoulders before extending his hand, “I’m Luke Walker. What’s your name?”

“I’m Drake Walker,  nice to meet you.” I swear he looks so familiar.

“Now, dad, can I go over to Hank’s house?”

“Be back before it’s time to put the cattle up.”

“Thanks dad!” Drake watches Luke wraps his dad in a hug, feeling a pain in his chest from all the years he’s missed with his dad. But part of the pain left when he remembered he’d be having a child that would have him around.

“You have any kids, Drake?”

“No, not yet, sir.”

“They’re a handful for sure.” Jackson looks away, almost as if he’s in deep thought, “Let’s head in and take schedule and pay.”

*                      *

It’s been about a week since Drake has started helping out on Jackson’s ranch. He doesn’t mind the early morning rises, in fact he actually missed it when in Cordonia. It’s late by the time he gets home, he stayed a little longer today to help put up the supplies that Jackson had ordered and decided to get a drink at the bar.

When he finally gets home, Riley is curled up on the couch engrossed in some show on a streaming site.

“Hey you,” he leans over the back of the couch, kissing her cheek.

“Hey. I just ordered take-out since I wasn’t sure when you’d be home.” Riley hasn’t asked Drake where he goes all day. He said something about helping out at a feed shop in town, she was thankful for that. She just really wanted him to be able to find something to take his mind off this Jackson stranger.

“How’s our little one?” He sits down next to her, rubbing his hand gently over her barely showing stomach.

“Happy or at least I’m hoping that’s why I wasn’t as sick today,” she jokes.

“I have a few off days coming up, I’ll put in the flooring and start painting,” he looks at her, “that is if you’ve narrowed down a color.”

“I just think first impressions are key.”

Drake shakes his head before heading into the bathroom to shower. He wants to tell Riley where he’s actually been, but the last time he mentioned the subject, she shut him down. All she kept saying was if it was him, he should’ve reached out by now, but what if he couldn’t? What if he didn’t think Drake would want him to? There are just too many factors to consider and he wanted to investigate as many as he could before he even approached the subject with Jackson or even Riley.

A few more weeks have passed and Drake is still being untruthful to his wife and Jackson.

“You really are a hard worker,” Jackson says, “I figured it’d take twice this long to fix the fencing.”

“Just helping out however I can.”

“And you do a damn good job at it.”

Both men are sitting on the porch, taking a break. They’re bonding over some glasses of sweet tea when Luke comes up the dirt pathway, clothes a mess.

“What happened?” Jackson instantly stands up, concern covering his face.

“Grant started picking on Hank so I stood up for him and he said that Ma didn’t love me which is why she gave me Rys as a middle name. Said it was stupid, so we fought.”

And then it hit Drake, like a ton of bricks, he knew exactly who Luke looked like; Liam. Luke was practically Liam’s twin. He couldn’t process how it took him this long to figure it out.

Almost instantly, Jackson saw the wheels turning in Drake’s head and rushed Luke inside, knowing it was only a matter of minutes before Drake confronted him.

“Jackson, we need to talk.” He doesn’t give Jackson anytime to reply, “You’re my father. Luke’s middle name is Rys because you had an affair with Eleanor, didn’t you?”

“Now listen here, I don’t know what you came here hoping to get. But Luke is the only son I have.”

Drake shakes his head, “No, I didn’t come here for anything but answers.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t have any for you. No answers or anything.”

Drake’s face drops, this is all too much of coincidence. He knows it and he can’t stand that his man in front of him could lie.

“I think it’s best that you leave now.” Jackson doesn’t wait for Drake to respond before he walks into the house, shutting the door on Drake.

*                      *

It’s been two weeks since his blow up with Jackson. He feels as if nothing makes sense anymore, how could he have gotten it all wrong? But he doesn’t truly think he has.

Riley walks in the house after shopping for nursery supplies to see Drake once again sulking on the couch. An empty bottle of whiskey on the floor beside him. She has no clue what happened other than one day he came home fussing about things not working out and then he shut her out.

“Drake, honey,” she calls from the kitchen, “I was thinking of fixing burgers tonight.”

A barely audible groan comes from the couch before she sighs. She’s tried everything to bring him out of this slump; his favorite foods, trying to get him to talk, hell, she’d even tried sex, none working.

After dinner, Drake once again passes out on the couch and she slips into their bedroom. Riley hates what she’s about to do, but her husband has left her no choice. She begins to rummage through his things. Flipping through his journals in his nightstand to his top sock drawer. Finally, she picks up his wallet, opening it she just sees the standard: a small amount of cash, his debit and credit cards, a picture of them before she sees a small piece of notebook paper.

The paper is carefully wedged behind their photo, on it a number and address. Her heart stops.

*                      *

Riley pulls up to the address that she found in Drake’s wallet, it wasn’t something she thought she’d ever have to do when choosing Drake, but here she was. Walking up to the door, she knocks three times then steps back. Not really knowing what to expect.

An older version of Drake walks to the door, she has to catch her breath, part of her honestly thought this was just something that Drake had imagined.

“Can I help you, darlin’?”

“Jackson Walker?”

The man looks confused, “Yes?”

“I found this address in my husband Drake’s wallet and we need to have a talk.”

“Listen, I’ll tell you what I told him, I’m not who he thinks I am.” He goes to shut the door, but Riley’s foot stops it.

“No, you listen. My husband has lived almost twenty years thinking the one person he looked up to had died. You owe him an explanation.”

[zambie-trashart]

Holy Drummer: Chapter 4

Full story on ao3

Masterlist

Previous part

Next part

Summary: Facing religion, sexuality, and music is not what Alex sighed up for when his parents convinced him to help out those who were far from God. Can he handle his two newest challenges named Reggie and Luke?

Chapter 4: Do You Think He Likes Guys?

Sara looked at her brother who was pacing around her room, he kept going to talk and then stopping before second-guessing himself and pacing some more.

“Lexi, you’re making me dizzy!” Sara yelled and Alex stopped falling back on her bed next to her looking over at her with guilty blue eyes. “What’s wrong with you Lexi, you never act like this unless something is really bothering you?” Sara asked and Alex sat up looking his sister in the eyes breathing in and letting it out.

“Reggie and Luke invited me to be in their band,” Alex said and Sara sat up too excited.

“That’s awesome Lexi, why are you so bummed?” Sara asked, shaking his shoulders smiling at him widely.

“You know that mom and dad will kill me if I even think about joining because of church,” Alex said sighing. He really wanted to be in the band.

“If you tell mom and dad that it’s to keep an eye on them then maybe they’ll reconsider, ask in the morning though, it’s almost ten o’clock,” Sara said pointing to the clock on her wall. Alex smiled hugging his sister goodnight before waking his way back to his room and falling back on his bed falling into a deep sleep.

Caroline Joyner sat at the table looking at her kids stuffing breakfast in their mouths quickly before having to go to school. Alex seemed a bit more cautious which made Caroline suspicious.

“Mom, dad, Reggie and Luke are in a band so that means that they might have time alone together, do you think that I could join the band to keep an eye on them?” Alex asked hopefully and Caroline and Phillip looked at each other for a moment before nodding.

“That would probably be for the best sweetie, now you and Sara better be off to school, we don’t want you two being late now do we?” Caroline asked and the two blondes jumped up running out of the house backpacks in hand to Sara’s convertible.

Luke woke up early running to Bobby’s garage to start writing a song and was shocked to see that Reggie was already there with clothes laid out for that day still asleep on the couch. Luke grabbed Reggie’s shoulders shaking him to wake him up.

“Luke?” Reggie asked looking up at Luke who smiled down at him.

“I have a new song I’m working on for when Alex joins the band,” Luke said and Reggie gave him a look.

“If he joins the band, you never know what his parents are going to say.” Luke rolled his eyes at Reggie’s pessimistic behavior.

“Do you want to hear what I have so far or not?” Luke asked, getting a nod and laugh from Reggie. “Ok.” Luke started playing a riff on his guitar before starting to sing. “Give me a minute, gotta catch my breath, cause looking at him makes me such a mess. You have to understand, where I come from, I can’t just look I gotta reach out and touch ‘im. No Mr. Perfect but he’s worth it, God forgive me for my obsession.” Luke was unsure of where the ending was going but the first verse was good.

“It sounds great Luke!” Reggie said getting up to hug him and he grabbed his bass going to play some notes that could fit in with the song. “What do you think of this?” Reggie asked strumming in tempo with the part Luke struggled with. “Blonde hair, blue eyes, do you think he likes guys?” Reggie sang making Luke laugh. Bobby walked out into his garage dressed and ready for school.

“What are you two doing out here?” Bobby asked, looking at the two who put their instruments down still smiling.

“We were writing a song, come on Bobby it’s time to get to school,” Reggie said, trying to put Bobby’s mind at ease while shucking a shirt over his head and putting his jacket on.

The three boys arrived at the school and saw Alex and Sara getting out of a convertible having what looked like a serious conversation. Bobby pushed his hair back and walked over to the car with Reggie and Luke following him.

“Hey Sara, I thought we were supposed to meet up last night to talk about the science project,” Bobby said, and being a whole grade level above Reggie and Luke gave him the right to talk to the prettiest senior even if she was Alex’s sister.

“I was busy, sorry about that.” Sara looked back to her brother with wide eyes and nudged her head in the band’s direction.

“Oh yeah, I thought about the offer and talked to my parents, they’re cool with me joining the band,” Alex said, talking to Luke and Reggie.

“You invited him to join the band?” Bobby asked upset because he wasn’t asked.

“Bobby, I know you're pissed but he plays the drums and his voice is killer, if you were there yesterday then you would have asked him too,” Luke said and Bobby sighed.

“Are you sure it’s not cause he’s…” Reggie jumped on Bobby’s back putting his hand over the older’s mouth knocking him to the ground and Sara looked over her car door checking to see if Bobby was ok.

“I’ll see you guys next Sunday, hopefully not sooner,” Sara said, bumping shoulders with Luke passing him a piece of paper with a note that said: Don’t read until later. Alex looked at them uncomfortably for a second before getting out of the car too.

“Don’t forget we have a meeting in the library later,” Alex said walking off into the school.

Bobby got let up by the boys dusting himself off.

“Not that it’s my business or anything but you two totally have a crush on him,” Bobby said and Luke glared at him.

“Yeah, none of your business Bobby, go back to flirting with Sara, I’m sure that will go really well,” Luke said gesturing for Reggie to follow him to class and Reggie silently apologized to Bobby not wanting to piss Luke off or leave Bobby mad at them.

Alex ran to catch up with his sister.

“So you and Bobby huh?” Alex asked, nudging his sister who looked at him with icy daggers. “Ok, that’s a no,” Alex added looking away.

“Get to class Lexi and have fun with the boys after school,” she said, winking taking a complete 180 from her previous attitude. Sara was like his best friend, she knew what he wanted before he even did but she was also his sister and she knew what was best for him, Sara was not going to let her brother be disappointed.

Luke looked at the note that Sara had given him, there was neat scrawl on the page.

You two better know what you’re doing and the pressure that you’re about to put on my brother to inevitably choose our parents or you two. Please don’t make this harder on Lexi Alex than it already is. Wait before you tell him your feelings, I know you have them. I heard you at church so be patient with him and if you need help wooing him when the time comes, I’ll be there to help. Alex deserves greatness and if you two are going to give that to him then who am I to stop you?

-Sara

Luke looked at the note in shock, she had figured them out so quickly but that didn’t matter. Luke had a meeting to get to but first, he had to show Reggie the letter otherwise the bassist would be all over Alex.

Reggie had a similar reaction to Luke but then narrowed it down to siblings know when the other one is desirable to someone. He started telling a detailed story about his sister Marla had a boy following her around at school and then asked to be her seat partner on the bus, which was the formation of a terrible elementary school relationship. They arrived at the study room as Reggie finished the story and saw Alex reading through a book chewing on the end of a hoodie string.

“Uh, we’re here,” Reggie said knocking on the side of the door making Alex look up and drop the string from his mouth.

Luke got to take in how pink was a great color on Alex and didn’t really pay attention to Alex trying to pitch a deal until Alex snapped in his face.

“Pay attention,” Alex said blushing, noticing how Luke zoned out looking at his face. “I’m willing to say that this meeting went well and that I joined your band to make sure that you weren’t like going back to being gay, even though I’m pretty sure you can’t change a gender preference, I don’t have a problem with you guys liking each other, it’s 1994 you should be able to be with whoever you want and long as you’re being safe or whatever.” Reggie and Luke’s mouths hung open at the fact that Alex was going to let them be together so easily.

“Is there a catch or something?” Luke asked, grabbing Alex’s hand from across the table.

“Yeah, you can’t get caught so you have to promise me that there will be no more sleepovers or kissing and stuff where you can get caught, just be careful so I don’t get yelled at or beaten up by my dad,” Alex said playing with the end of his hoodie string again and Reggie’s eyes flashed with hurt knowing what it was like to get punched by someone you love.

“Yeah, no problem ‘Lex,” Reggie said and Alex looked up, face turning pink again. “What? You’re not falling for us are you?” Reggie said teasingly.

“No, no, it’s just my sister calls me that,” Alex said and Reggie smiled.

“Well, I wouldn't want to turn you off, pretty young thing,” Reggie said scooting closer from across the table to Alex whose face was now bright red as he got up from his seat.

“Don’t do that again,” Alex said, walking out of the room his face still burning.

“No problem sweet cheeks!” Reggie called out after him and all he got was the middle finger as Alex walked out of the empty library and to his sister’s car. She had gone out with some friends and decided to leave him the key so he could get home.

Alex sat in the car banging his head against the wheel a couple of times before regaining his composure and starting the car.

“I can’t actually be falling for these two idiots,” Alex said trying to reassure himself but found himself daydreaming of Luke’s warm smile and Reggie’s laugh that night as he tried to fall asleep that night.

The second Alex left the library, Luke hit Reggie upside the head as the bassist just laughed.

“What, he likes us, I can tell,” Reggie said leaning into Luke.

“I hope he does otherwise, that offer that he just made us, is off the table for good Reggie and then we’ll get converted into a catholic club, I don’t think either of us want that,” Luke said trying to make sure that Reggie got the picture.

“I get it Luke, I want to be with you too but we have to get Alex to like us like that cause ever since Sunday, it’s felt like a piece of us has been missing,” Reggie said and Luke nodded in understanding.

“I get what you mean Reg, but we have to be patient like Sara said, I have a feeling that in the future we’re going to need her help,” Luke said and the two go up starting their walk home with connected pinkies at five pm making back to their street at five-thirty and parting ways sadly without a kiss thanks to Alex’s dumb rules of no PDA where they can be seen easily.

“I love you Luke,” Reggie said letting Luke walk back to his own house just to hear the whisper of “I love you too” that made everything they were doing worth it.

[ehstarwar]

a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves (1/8)

Rey looked down onto the empty orange bottle seated on the edge of her bathroom sink. She knew realistically that staring super hard at the bottle wouldn’t magically make it refill with suppressant pills, but she was willing to try anything this point.

The newest edition on the ever-growing list of Shit Rey Experiences', is being unable to get suppressants.

-

Rey can no longer afford suppressants and decided to take on unsuppressed life. Thankfully, Ben is there to help her.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2.3K

Read on AO3

Notes: i've never written ABO before, but good golly, i have read it and am now ready to take the plunge. plz enjoy!

Chapter 1: doth suffer a sea-change

-

Rey looked down onto the empty orange bottle seated on the edge of her bathroom sink. She knew realistically that staring super hard at the bottle wouldn’t magically make it refill with suppressant pills, but she was willing to try anything this point. Three minutes of hard staring ended up being unfruitful and Rey let out a defeated sigh. 

She had faced quite a few hardships in life. Being abandoned as a child, tossed from foster family to foster family, getting into a university 500 miles away from where she was from, affording said university until she graduated summa cum laude, figuring out a way to survive and pay her loans back simultaneously; the list goes on.

But nothing, nothing, was comparable to the hardship Rey undergoes, continually, as being an omega. 

She wishes the hardest part about being an omega was the constant degradation she experiences in the professional world. If it just meant lewd comments and occasional handsy knot-headed alphas, Rey could deal with it no problem. But the fucking heats. The claw off your skin, masturbate until your numb, loose your absolute mind heats that made being an omega a living hell. And on suppressants, that only happened once a year. 

The newest edition on the ever-growing list of ‘Shit Rey Experiences’, is being unable to get suppressants.

Her terrible insurance had now decided that suppressants were an ‘elective’ medication that omegas could function normally without. While Rey will support Senator Organa until she dies, she does wish that the senator hadn’t fought quite so hard to pass the legislation that ended the federal mandate that all omegas must be on suppressant unless mated. 

It was a huge step in the country, one that Rey had even advocated for, but one with unforeseen consequences like insurances not covering the cost of suppressants anymore. But, such is life. This was the bed that had been made for her, and this is what she would deal with. People went without suppressants all the time; progressive omegas that clearly didn’t live in the same part of town she did, but omegas none the less. 

Rey swept out of the bathroom, promptly tossing the empty bottle in the garbage, before turning to her roommate. 

“I’ve decided something,” Rey announces.

Rose didn’t look up from the television, but responded anyways. “And what would that be?”

“I’ve decided to quit taking suppressants.”  

Rose chokes on the cheese balls she’s currently shoving into her face while looking up at Rey.

“You what?”

“I’m not taking suppressants anymore.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I don’t need to. Omegas are individual, like every other designation and do not need to be medicated just to join society. Senator Organa advocated very hard to have the federal mandate repealed, and to show my support, I will no longer be taking suppressants.”

Rose looked at Rey like she was out of her mind, and she supposed she was. Betas like Rose would never fully understand what it was like for omegas or alphas, so Rey isn’t surprised that this information is shocking to her. 

“Do you realize what this will do? Don’t unsuppressed omegas have like, three heats a year? You literally hate the singular one you have, why would you choose that?” An excellent point that Rey had not considered.

“The heats suck, yes, but… maybe if I know I’ll be going through it more often, I’ll try a little harder at actually dating someone. Use it as a motivator, ya know.” The excuse didn’t sound nearly as bad as Rey thought it would, even if it was total horse shit. She also knew that Rose’s constant pushing for Rey to actually put herself out there would be placated by this answer. 

“This seems like a pretty major change just so you can meet someone. Have you tried that one app that is supposed to help match up alphas and omegas? Knot It, I think it's called? That would be a more reasonable first step than… this.” The concern in Rose’s voice touches Rey and part of her is tempted to break down and tell her the truth. But then Rose would want to help her, being a best friend and all, and Rey would be put even further into emotional debt for all the helping she’s done over the years. She decides to hold steady to her little fib, hoping that Rose will just let it go. ( A pipe dream, to say the least.)

“I’m choosing this for right now. If it becomes… too much, I might change my mind. But I’m going to try this first. It’ll be good for me, I think.”

Rey ignores the unease in her friends gaze, and goes about her business.

-

The bar is crowded when Rey arrives at Maz’s. Some sports game is on that Rey would care about more if she could afford live TV to watch it continually, but cable wasn’t exactly a standard for someone who eats ramen for nearly every meal.

She see’s the large table in the back, the one that’s unofficially reserved for her friends, and notices she’s the last one there. A chorus of ‘hellos’ greet her as she slides into he booth, and is handed a plastic cup full of PBR.

“Rey-Rey! You made it! How’s our favorite mechanic?” Poe asks, clearly already a few too many deep.

“I’m good! Have you guys ordered yet? I’m starved.”

“I ordered a big ole’ hunk of qb with extra ass!” Poe screeches, looking up at the monitors, earning an eye roll from the sober people at the table, and giggles from the drunk ones.

“Buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks with extra marinara sauce,” Ben tells her. He’s across the table from her, but Rey is pretty sure that the calves she keeps bumping into are his. Ben’s damn long legs will always be a point of contention with her. Who needs to be 6��4 anyways? It’s just gratuitous. Still, she like the person they belong to.

“Bless you,” She tells Ben, earring a sweet smile and a hint of a blush. Ben is so easy to make blush; it's one of Reys’ favorite pastimes. 

The night goes on; food is consumed in an ungodly amount of time, beer is constantly flowing, the rest of the bar dies down but they all remain. It’s nice, the little family they form. Rey would never had dared to dream of such a thing, but meeting these people was the greatest gift she’d been given. Rey met Finn the first semester of undergrad, and been a part of this group since. Through Finn, she met Rose, Kaydel, Jannah, and Poe, and through Poe she met Ben. Friday nights a Maz’s had become a staple for the last few years, one religiously followed even when they probably should have all stayed home. 

While Rey loved being in this group of friends and partaking in their rituals, she had to admit to herself that it was… a lot. Without suppressants, at least. Smells were intense, to say the least. Every thing was heightened to the nth degree and Rey had spent the last three weeks without suppressants needed to excuse herself to get a breath of fresh air, too many times to count. 

Everything smelled so, so much, and Rey had to suffer through all of it. 

But it wasn’t all bad. There was the occasional whiff of a fresh smelling laundromat, or sweet pastry that was nice to experience. And, of course, the juicy smelling alphas that usually came as quick as the went. Like right now, in the bar, Rey could smell the thick aroma of leather and pine mixed among the crowd. It was strong, even diluted by the scent of others, so she couldn’t imagine what it would be like on its own. The though made her clench her thighs together in hopes of something that would likely never come to pass.

“Rey… Rey? Are you with us?” Finn waved a hand in front of her face, snapping Rey out of her train of thought.”

“Oh sorry. I was just… distracted.” Rose ‘hrumps’ next to her. 

“We’re still on for Wednesday, right? Trivia night at Lukes?” Finn asks her.

“Yeah! Of course. I’ve been prepping for it by watching Jeopardy every night,” She tells them, earning a chuckle from Ben.

“Good. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget. You’ve been so spaced out lately,” He tells her, making Rey sink further into her seat. 

“Probably because of the suppressants. Or… lack thereof,” Rose replies, causing every sober eye to turn and stare at her. AKA Finn and Ben.

“You stopped taking suppressants? Are you nuts?” Finn asks, incredulously. 

“Thank you, Rose. And no, I’m not nuts. I’m just… choosing the natural life, so to speak.” She gives Rose a pointed glare, and tires to ignore the heated expression on Ben’s face. Finn is a beta, so his opinion will probably be a little off the mark, just like Roses. 

But Ben is all alpha. Not just any alpha; no, Benjamin Solo was 100%, grade-A, total alpha who also happened to be the biggest sweetheart she’d ever met. It was a horrible concoction that had been the subject of one too many fantasies that Rey had shoved down in lieu of friendship. 

Betas would have some idea what it meant for omegas to be off suppressants, but alphas? Alphas would bristle just at the thought of an unmated, unsuppressed omega, even if they smelled like a garbage disposal. 

“So you want to revert back to a sex-crazed lunatic that thinks water is overrated?” Finn continues to question. 

“I don’t think water is overrated even in heats. And I’ve already gone three weeks without and been fairly normal. I’m perfectly capable of handling myself without medication.” Rey keeps her expression calm and cool, but her eyes are steadfastly on her empty plate. 

“Well… good for you, I guess?” Finn isn’t totally convinced and this will absolutely come up later, but he knows not to push his luck like this in public.

Rey gives a tight-lipped smile in response, still unable to meet Bens’ gaze, and is grateful for Poe for his loud interruption that he ‘will be a trophy husband to the first gay NFL quarterback’. 

-

It’s not until they’re all standing outside the bar, in the chilly autumn air, that Rey realizes what’s wrong. She had felt Ben’s eyes on her the rest of the night, and it had taken every fiber in her being not to look at him. She knew what waited for her when she did and her inner omega wanted it too much to be a good thing. 

But what’s wrong is not that Rey has to face Ben while they wait to load their drunk friends into Ubers. What’s wrong is the way he smells. If Rey wasn’t drunk of the beer, then she was drunk off of Ben. The hints of nice smelling alpha emanated from him, even through a cloud of scents. It was deep and rich and Rey wanted to bathe in it. 

She could also feel the displeasure he was feeling and it made Rey want to throw herself on the ground and beg alpha for forgiveness. She resisted, but only just.

When it was just them outside, Rey finally turned to face him, garnering any courage she could find. 

“What is it?” She asked, aggressively, before she could loose her nerve.

“It isn’t safe,” Ben stated simply.

“What isn’t safe? Riding a bike without a helmet? Eating day-old sushi?” She retorted.

“Rey.” It was a command, even if he didn’t mean to give it. “It isn’t safe to be unmated and unsuppressed. Especially…” He trailed off.

“Especially what?” She wishes her voice were harsher to express the anger she feel within.

Ben stares at her for a minute before responding. It makes her scent gland itch. “I could smell you. Through all those people, I could smell you. What happens if a knot-headed alpha is too close to rut and you’re alone-“”

“I’m an adult. I can take care of myself. Rape is still illegal, suppressed or not.”

Bens’ jaw clench and his hands ball into fist and Rey feels her core heat.

“I know you can take care of yourself.” It’s not what she expects to hear, and the softness of his voice breaks something inside of her. Her steely expression falls and so does his.

“You’re right, I know you’re right. But this is the way it is.”

“Why?”

Rey sighs, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes before telling him. “My shitty insurance got even shittier and no longer covers suppressants. My last refill ran out a few weeks ago, and with the way my student loans are right now, I can’t afford to buy them.”

She doesn’t need to see Ben to know the way he bristles. “This is because of my mom; because of the law she passed. It’s not fair to you that-”

“Your mother has been nothing but kind to me! She is a very sweet woman who I will always support and I get why she advocated for this. Yes, this sucks, but it’s not your mom’s fault.”

Ben isn’t placated by this, but keeps quiet. 

They stay like that for a terse minute, Rey scrambling to figure out how to move on from this conversation. He speaks before she gets a chance.

“I can help you. I can get you suppressants if you want. It’s really no trouble. If anything, I kind of feel like I owe you.” Ben is sheepish when he speaks, and Rey’s heart swells a bit.

“That’s kind of you, but no thank you. I can handle this on my own.”

“You don’t have to, Rey.” His voice is low, but washes over her like a warm blanket nonetheless. “Just, please tell me if you need help. Promise me that.”

Rey doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to even say that she would rely on him if she needed to, out of her own selfish pride, but the omega in the back of her mind screams to, at least, make alpha feel better. She knows if she does, it will help. 

“I promise.” Rey doesn’t know if she says that, or if her omega does.

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

so a smuggler walks into an orphan’s bar... - ONE-SHOT

When eight-year-old Rey's parents drink themselves to death, they leave her with nothing but a broken heart. Well, that and the only decent bar on the planet.

Meanwhile, across the galaxy, Han Solo gets a bad feeling about dropping his son off for Jedi training and decides to take Ben under his wing instead.

Ten years later, a smuggler walks into an orphan's bar...

So um, I might’ve gone a little overboard for my last canon-divergence fic of the year/decade/pre-TRoS era. Here’s twelve thousand words of smuggler!Ben and bar owner!Rey slowly but surely working toward their happily ever after.

Also available on AO3. And hey, maybe check out my Twitter or Ko-fi?

The first time Ben Solo stumbles upon Jakku, he is a man on the run.

With his mother furious about his first solo smuggling run and his father too scared to defend his life choices, he’s left with no choice but to stay away until the whole mess dies down. It’s a tried and true tactic for dealing with Leia Organa, passed down from one Solo man to another, and Ben knows in a week or two some galactic emergency or another will successfully divert his mother’s attention from his not-so-legal activities.

Until then, he just needs to lay low – maybe spend a few days visiting his uncle until he gets sick of Luke lamenting the lost opportunity to pass on all he knows to his own flesh and blood, then pop by Takodana to pay old Maz a visit until she traumatizes him with her musings on Chewie’s… attributes, and finally cap it all off with a nice few days in Canto Bight to scout out some new opportunities before returning home just in time for his mother’s birthday.

First things first, though: he needs fuel, and urgently. It’s not an ideal situation to be in when one happens to be in the middle of kriffing nowhere, drifting dangerously close to the Unknown Regions, but the Appenza’s navigation system offers him a ray of hope just before Ben starts cursing his luck: a tiny, desolate system with only one planet to its name, the infamous Jakku.

There are two things Ben knows about Jakku: one, that this is where the dying Empire made its last stand; and two, that that was the only thing of any importance that ever happened on and to the planet.

Well, make that three things: three, it’s about to refuel his ship and save his ass.

With no other viable options, he charts a course for the desert planet and soon finds himself landing near Niima Outpost, his best bet to refuel according to the HoloNet. His ship draws a few looks, new as it is, but Ben would take this scrutiny over all the trouble and danger he’d gotten himself into while flying the Falcon any day, every day.

It doesn’t take long to find the right people and strike the right deal; just ten minutes after making planetfall, Ben finds himself with a refueling ship and an hour to kill. There doesn’t seem to be much going on in this tiny ramshackle outpost, but a familiar flag catches his eye before he resigns himself to spending the next hour in his ship.

“It can’t be,” Ben mutters even as he chuckles under his breath and shakes his head in disbelief at the image of Maz Kanata so far from home. The flag bears an exact replica of the statue that welcomes all wayward travelers to her castle in Takodana, along with the name Maz’s Castle in stylized Basic. Why she would choose to set up a location here of all places is a mystery, but then again no one’s ever claimed to understand any of Maz’s choices.

He follows the flag to one of the very few solid-looking structures in the outpost, and a sign hanging above the double doors assures him that this is, indeed, a location of the popular galaxy-wide chain. Inside, the bar is smaller than most of the locations he’s been to, but the set-up is comfortingly familiar. He spots less than a handful of locals, easily identifiable by their worn-out and climate-appropriate clothing, along with a dozen or so traders and smugglers and passers-by scattered around the place. But none of them manage to capture – and hold – his attention the way the girl behind the bar does.

“Welcome to Maz’s!” she calls out with a grin, waving at him with the rag she’d been using to polish the bar. Hers is the first friendly face he’s seen since his arrival, and Ben can’t help but gravitate toward her, planting himself in the seat closest to where she stands. “Not often we get new faces around here,” the girl tells him as she sets down her rag, and something about the way she speaks doesn’t quite sit right with him until he realizes–

“Your accent,” Ben hears himself blurt out to his horror, and immediately shuts his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry, I– I was just surprised to hear a Core World accent so far from home, that’s all.”

She laughs, and the sound is even more of a revelation than placing her accent, a little giggle all light and airy and brighter than the scorching Jakku sun. “It’s a long story,” she says as her laugh fades into a smile, and leaves it at that. “So, what can I get you?”

He’d reconsider his order if this were any other bar so far from the Core, but Ben can’t imagine any establishment of Maz’s without some top-shelf stuff, even one so far out in the Western Reaches. “Corellian whiskey please, if you’ve got it.”

The girl raises an eyebrow at him, but turns around to pluck a bottle off the shelf anyway. “Fancy,” she quips as she pours him a glass and Ben roots around his pockets. “You really are from the Core, aren’t you?”

“Chandrila,” he tells her as he slides a few credits across the bar, and accepts his drink with a murmured thanks as he takes a sip. “I’m Ben, by the way.”

“Rey,” she offers in return, and Ben can’t quite hide the way he smiles at how perfect her name is for her. It only grows wider when she says his name in that proper accent and cheery voice of hers. “So, Ben – like I said, it’s not often we get new faces around here. What brings you to Jakku?”

“Huh,” Ben says to buy himself some time, weighing exactly how much to reveal. Rey’s given him no reason to distrust her, but he’s spent far too long bearing the names Organa and Solo to just throw caution to the wind whenever he sees a pretty face. Never mind that her smile makes him want to do exactly that, that her laugh puts him at ease in a way nothing else can. “Really? Place like this, I figured just about everyone passes through.”

She scoffs, though her smile remains. “No one passes through Jakku, not unless you’re on a one-way trip to the Unknown Regions.”

Ben tilts his head. “Can’t imagine why,” he deadpans, looking at her with a completely straight face. “Seems like a charming place, if you ask me.”

Rey bursts into laughter – a proper, full laugh this time – and he takes in every single detail even as he joins her. She laughs with abandon, lips parted and head thrown back and eyes bright, and he can’t imagine a more beautiful sight. Her eyes are not quite brown and not quite green, a kaleidoscope of gold and olive shimmering in the sunlight pouring in from the windows on either end of the bar.

And in the Force… he closes his eyes for a brief moment, and feels nothing but warmth in the Force, set ablaze by her presence. She’s not quite Force-sensitive, not as far as he can tell, but her energy is so vibrant he’d easily believe otherwise.

That, above all else, convinces Ben to finally let his guard down. He’s no Jedi, but he knows the Force, has known it since the day he was born and will walk with it until the day he dies – and the Force has never led him astray.

“I’m on the run from my mother,” Ben says, and relishes the way Rey instantly rests her elbows on the bar and leans in closer, giving him her full attention. “She’s… let’s just say she doesn’t fully approve of my life choices.”

“So you are a smuggler,” Rey grins, sounding pleased with herself.

Ben, ever the victim of terrible timing, nearly chokes on his drink. “What– wait– how did you…?”

She reaches out as if to take his hand, only to stop herself at the last second and rest her hand next to his instead, almost but not quite touching. “Calm down,” she murmurs gently, though the proximity of their hands has the opposite effect. “You won’t get into any trouble for that here. It’s just– news spreads fast, here in Niima. News about a brand new ship and a well-dressed man who refuses to give out his name? That spreads even faster. But, like I said,” Rey shrugs, “there’s no trouble here, not unless you’re looking for it. We’ve got smugglers coming and going all the time – you leave us in peace, and so will we.”

His instincts, honed from nearly a decade with his father and Chewie, are at war with the Force. No smuggler is ever really safe anywhere, especially not a Solo, but… but if Rey says so…

“I thought you said you don’t get many new faces passing by,” Ben reminds her, relaxing despite himself as he downs the rest of his whiskey.

“Jakku’s not a particularly exciting place, not even for smugglers,” she tells him as she slowly inches her hand away. “We just get regulars, and even those are dwindling in numbers now that most everything from the big battle has been picked cleaned.”

It’s almost jarring, hearing her refer to the Battle of Jakku so casually; flying past the hollowed-out carcasses of downed Star Destroyers and AT-ATs on his way to the outpost had been equally surreal, after a childhood filled with history classes on the Empire’s doomed final stand.

“So you see why a new face around these parts has us all curious,” Rey continues, resting her chin in one hand as she looks at him. “Why Jakku, anyway? Core World smuggler like you, you could probably go anywhere else in the galaxy to wait out your mother’s wrath.”

Ben winces at the reminder, even though Rey had meant it teasingly. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But there are surprisingly few places you can hide from your mother when she’s a senator like mine is. And anyway,” he hurriedly adds, hoping to gloss past that little bit of information, “I’m not actually here to stay. Just needed to refuel so that I can make the jump to my next destination.”

The smile on Rey’s face is gone now, as she shifts away from him just the slightest bit. It’s the senator thing, it has to be. Realistically, Ben knows not everyone is a huge fan of the New Republic, not even those who’d suffered the most under the Empire’s rule. Here on Jakku, one of the struggling planets the new government has been accused of forgetting and turning its back on… well, he really should’ve thought twice before mentioning his mother’s affiliation with the government.

In his haste to change the topic, Ben completely forgets his earlier blunder and takes it even further. “What about you? How’d a young lady from the Core end up bartending here in Jakku, anyway?”

He’s got to be the luckiest bastard in the galaxy, because thankfully Rey doesn’t react to his rude prying by throwing his drink in his face the way he’d been expecting. “I’m no lady,” she says instead, with a little laugh, “and I’m not just the bartender, for the record. You’re looking at the sole proprietor of the finest – all right, only – bar in the whole Jakku system.”

It’s adorable, the little note of pride that enters her voice and the way she straightens up a bit, the way she gestures at their surroundings with a little flourish. “Probably the youngest one too,” Ben adds, playing along. “You can’t be… what, more than twenty?”

Rey gives him a knowing look, but subtlety has never been a Solo trait anyway.

“Less than, actually,” she tells him anyway. “I’ll be nineteen soon.”

Ten years. She’s a whole ten years younger than him, and Ben can’t really bear to focus on that right now. “Wow, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.” And then, after a moment’s consideration of that life and all the possibilities it holds and the vast nothingness that surrounds her in this desert, he adds, “Are you… are you planning to stay here? It’s just– like you said, things are dying down around this part of the galaxy, and if people stop visiting then… well…” he trails off with a shrug, coming to the belated realization that he’s being rude and invasive yet again.

It’s like something inside of him is clamoring for every single bit about her, of her, that he can get his hands on, for the opportunity to get to know her even though he’s set to leave in… less than an hour.

The reminder feels like ice running through his veins.

Rey seems oblivious to his internal panicking. “This is all I’ve ever known,” she says, as if that’s all there is to it.

“But–” A desperate idea occurs to him then. “But is it all you want? Because if you want more– if you want to leave…” Ben takes a deep breath, tries to play it cool. “I mean,” he says with a shrug, “I do happen to have a brand new ship waiting for me just outside.”

She smiles at him, but Ben’s heart drops because he’s seen that smile, he knows that smile, his mother might not have been around for much of his childhood but she’d been around just long enough to drill that smile and what it means when a woman flashes it at him into his head.

It’s a polite smile, it’s a thanks but no thanks smile, it’s a no means no, Ben, even if she can’t find the voice to say so to someone with your size and your name and your power smile.

“And you probably shouldn’t keep it waiting much longer,” Rey says softly, and after a moment’s hesitation she does reach for him this time, rests her small palm on top of his hand and gives it an almost apologetic pat. As far as consolation prizes go… well, he’ll take it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he turns his hand around to lace their fingers together, keeping his grip loose enough for Rey to pull her hand away at any time.

She gives him a little squeeze instead. “It was nice meeting you, Ben. Stay safe, yeah?”

“You’re acting as if we’ll never see each other again,” he says with a forced little laugh, trying to keep his voice light and teasing even as his heart grows heavy at the thought.

Rey shrugs, and takes her hand away, wraps it around herself instead. “You were never here to stay,” she reminds him, sounding almost… almost disappointed by the thought. “And no one comes back to Jakku. Can’t blame them, really,” Rey adds, throwing in a hollow laugh of her own.

And he knows she gave him the smile, knows and understands and respects what it means, but… but surely all of this – the hand-holding and the dim eyes and the hollow laugh – means something too.

The Force tells him it does, reminds him once again how warm and vibrant and familiar she feels to him. And because it’s never led him astray, because he desperately wants to believe in it, because Rey should be a stranger but stars, that couldn’t be further from the truth–

“Well, I guess I’ll be the first,” Ben says as he reluctantly gets up, and knows in that moment that nothing will keep him from fulfilling this promise. “I’ll see you soon, Rey.”

“See you soon, Ben,” she echoes weakly, with the mere ghost of a smile. She’s clearly not convinced, but there’s something in her eyes as she watches him walk away, something that he recognizes in himself.

Hope, Ben thinks as he walks back out into the desert, and prays it’ll be enough for the both of them until they meet again.  

⏳  ⏳  ⏳

The second time Ben Solo lands on Jakku, he is a man on a mission.

News spreads fast, he remembers Rey telling him two weeks ago, remembers every single word and look and smile she shared with him. Still, he hurries over to the bar anyway, hoping to beat Jakku’s gossips to the punch and surprise her.

Judging by the look on her face when she glances up from the bar and sees him in her doorway, by the audible gasp that escapes her parted lips and the barely visible sheen of emotion in her eyes and the slight tremor in her hands as she sets down a glass, he’s somehow pulled it off.

“You came back,” Rey whispers as he comes to a stop just two feet away, separated by the bar between them.

“I came back,” Ben says with a nod as he slides into the seat he already thinks of as his, and rests his hands palms-up on the bar in a silent offering. Rey takes them in her own with a shaky smile, her touch warm and comforting and familiar even though it shouldn’t be.

In the past two weeks, he’s realized there are a lot of things about him and her and them that shouldn’t be – but over his dead body is he going to question any of them. Instead, he holds her hands until she pulls away, and watches her reach for the bottle of Corellian whiskey without prompting.

The bar is slightly busier today, with patrons calling Rey away from him more often than not. “They brought in a good haul this morning,” Rey tells him as she assembles another round for a band of scavengers in the far corner, “so it’s time to celebrate.”

“Good for them,” Ben says, though he wonders what exactly is left to qualify as a good haul in picked-apart wreckages older than him.

Rey smiles as she begins to load the drinks onto a tray. “And good for me,” she points out. “Between their endless celebrations and my favorite customer coming back for the good stuff, business is booming.”

It’s a good thing she heads off to deliver the drinks then, because Ben’s pretty sure she wouldn’t have believed him if he’d tried to dismiss the pink in his cheeks as sunburn.

Eventually, the scavengers grudgingly agree with Rey when she cuts them off after four rounds and suggests they keep their precious credits for more responsible uses. The place is left half empty after they leave, and a relieved Rey chooses to slump into the seat next to his rather than return to her spot behind the bar.

“Hello, stranger,” she grins as she moves her chair closer to his, playfully bumping his shoulder before she spins around in her chair so that she can keep an eye on the remaining patrons.

Ben takes a moment to adjust to the fact that she’s right next to him, closer than she’s ever been, and then turns around as well. This way, facing the door and the windows on either side of it, he can see the blinding Jakku sky slowly fade into a beautiful swirl of pinks and oranges as the sun begins its gradual descent.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Rey asks after a moment, and he turns to find her observing him with a little smile on her lips. “I know it isn’t much, this desert wasteland of ours, but even in a place like this… there’s beauty to be found, if you care to look.”

I wasn’t even looking when I found you, Ben thinks to himself, and nearly says so out loud.

Instead, he shrugs and smiles and says, “I guess it’s not so bad, after all.”

Rey laughs out loud, attracting curious looks from the handful of others surrounding them. “Oh no, it’s a hellhole, trust me. The view’s nice and all, but everything else?” She pauses for a moment, seems to weigh her words before she speaks again. “I wonder sometimes, what my life would’ve been like if I didn’t have the bar. I’ve seen how it is out there, how everyone else struggles day in and day out only to get the bare minimum, just enough to carry them through the next day of scavenging. I… I honestly don’t know if I could’ve made it through that,” she admits quietly.

Ben reaches for her hand without thought. “Rey… I probably don’t know enough about you for this to mean anything, but… I think you’re stronger than you know. I think there’s nothing out there you can’t do, if you put your mind to it.”

He doesn’t explain himself, can’t quite put into words how vivid and brilliant she is in the Force, but he doesn’t need to. Rey curls her hand around his, and her lips curve into a soft smile.

“And I think you’re probably the nicest person I’ve ever met,” she says, only to ruin the moment by adding, “Oh, except maybe Maz. Probably wouldn’t be alive without her, so I can’t forget good old Maz.”

Rey lets go of his hand and spins around, gestures for him to do the same before she points out a little statue of Maz sitting on the highest shelf of the bar. “Have you ever met her? They say all smugglers have, at some point or another.”

Ben can’t help but laugh. “Maz? I’ve known her my whole life,” he tells a stunned Rey. “No, really – she’s an old friend of my dad’s. And funny story, she’s actually why I decided to come check out this place the first time I was here. I saw the flag and I just had to drop by.”

“Small galaxy, I suppose,” Rey shrugs, her eyes dancing with mirth. “I’ll have to tell her about this the next time she drops by; you know she loves these little coincidences.”

“Coincidence, or fate?” Ben says before his brain can catch up to his heart, and instantly regrets it. He could play it off as a joke, could even spin it into something Maz would say, but… but it’s not a joke, not to him. Sure, Ben believes in coincidences – even with the Force flowing around and through every living being, sometimes things just… happen, and that’s that. But for him to have ended up in this system of all the stars in the galaxy, to have chosen Niima Outpost of all the settlements, to have caught a glimpse of Maz’s flag and then made the uncharacteristic decision to leave his ship unguarded in a strange place just to check it out…

He knows, with a certainty that his father would laugh at and his uncle would approve of, that nothing about him and Rey is coincidental. But maybe their second meeting isn’t the right time to tell her that, and so Ben settles for a change of topic instead. “How do you know Maz, anyway? I mean, apart from the obvious, of course.” He waves his hand around, gesturing vaguely at the establishment they’re in. “How’d you come to run and own the place?”

Somehow, Rey had seemed less unsettled by his suggestion of them being brought together by fate than she is by his seemingly innocuous question. He’s about to backtrack and tell her she doesn’t need to tell him anything she doesn’t want to when Rey lets out a little sigh and then squares her shoulders as if bracing herself for battle, fixing her eyes on the window beyond his shoulder as she begins to speak.

“When I was four, my parents heard that Maz was hiring, looking for people interested in exciting business opportunities. I guess there’s no business opportunity more exciting than running a bar for a couple of alcoholics,” she says casually, too casually, and throws in a bitter little laugh. “They got their shit together just long enough to pass the interview, and then uprooted our family from Coruscant and moved all the way here. And then… well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how that equation would work out, does it? Alcoholics surrounded by a free flow of alcohol every single minute of their lives.”

For some reason, it doesn’t quite surprise him that Rey’s an orphan. Maybe it’s just based on his perception of Jakku in general, and its reputation in the galaxy as the place where the lost and the lonely go when there is nowhere and no one left for them to call home. But her next words… her next words shake him to his core.

“I was eight, when it finally happened. And I… I didn’t even cry, Ben,” she whispers, her eyes finally meeting his with a glassy, faraway look. “I found my parents dead in a puddle of their own sick, and I didn’t even cry. I just… I knew it’d been coming, I suppose, so I just did what I had to do. I figured Maz would come eventually, if she realized something was wrong, so I boarded up the place and waited. And sure enough, she arrived a week later to find my parents barely hidden away in the shallow graves I’d dug out back and me surviving off bar snacks and water.”

Ben can’t help the way he flinches then, at the thought of little Rey trying her best to dig graves for her parents in the shifting sands of Jakku. He wants to hold her close and promise her nothing bad will ever happen to her again, he wants to rip apart the fabric of time and space to make sure nothing bad ever happened to her in the first place, he wants so badly to be able to do something, anything–

But Rey doesn’t seem to be in search of comfort. “I thought of leaving – I mean, I was just a child, I couldn’t fathom going on like this completely on my own, especially here of all places – but Maz stayed around long enough to set things up for me, arranged for people to come help and train and take care of me until I could take care of myself. And I’ve been running this place ever since,” she concludes with a shrug. “So um, to answer your question without the tragic backstory,” Rey adds with a touch of self-consciousness, dropping her gaze down to the bar top as she bites into her lower lip, “I inherited the place, plain and simple.”

That finally spurs him into action, the sight of her retreating from him. Ben reaches out for her hand, and waits until she turns to look at him to say, “You really are stronger than you know, Rey. Strongest person I’ve ever met, and I think my mother would kill me for saying that,” he adds in an attempt to lighten the mood.

It works, because Rey laughs and fully turns her body to him as she rests her elbow on the bar and uses her free hand to prop her head up. “You know, that’s only the second time you’ve mentioned your mother and I’m already terrified of her. Which senator are we talking about, here?”

And it’s stupid, it’s so, so stupid what he’s about to do, but how could he possibly lie to Rey after all she’s shared with him, after all she’s trusted him with? Ben takes a deep breath, and makes a choice.

“Have you heard about the senator from Chandrila?”

Rey lets go of his hand and nearly falls out of her chair as the arm holding her up fails her.  “Shut up. Your mother is Leia Organa?”

In light of the obvious awe in her voice and her eyes, Ben is forced to reconsider his assessment of her political opinions from the last time he’d broached the subject. But if her reaction that day hadn’t been about the senate, then what…?

Before he can ponder it much further though, Rey’s punching his arm. “You’re Leia Organa and Han Solo’s son! You’re Luke Skywalker’s nephew!” she whisper-hisses, careful not to broadcast his identity to the rest of the bar. “Ben, you– you’re unbelievable! You let me think you were just some random guy!”

“I am just some random guy,” he insists, rubbing at his arm. Unsurprisingly for someone who’s had to fend for herself in the desert, Rey packs quite a punch. “My family are who they are, but that doesn’t mean or say anything about me. I’m not some war hero or Jedi knight or royalty–”

Rey, however, seems to think otherwise. “Oh my kriff, you’re a prince,” she gasps, though he appreciates the fact that she looks more irritated than starry-eyed by the realization.

“Only in name,” Ben tells her – and then, a thought occurs to him. A thought that is, as much as it pains him to say it, probably exactly the kind of thing his father would’ve come up with. “Though I do have a palace I can whisk you away to, if you want.”

To his eternal mortification, Rey does not laugh. She smiles, but just barely as she quietly notes, “That’s the second time you’ve offered to take me away.”

Ben gulps, and can only hope it was not audible. “No pressure,” he quickly assures her, not quite sure what to make of her reaction and the little smile that’s still playing on her lips. “Just, um… just letting you know that the offer still stands, if you ever change your mind.”

She’s quiet for the longest time, but the wait is worth it when Rey says, “Someday. Someday I’ll leave this place and go explore the galaxy, see for myself what oceans and forests and mountains look like.”

His heart aches for her, for the obvious longing in her voice and all the things she’s been deprived of and everything she deserves but isn’t ready for. “When you do…” Ben says softly, carefully. “I’ll be right by your side – if you want me to, that is, I’m not saying you’ll be stuck with me or that a ride off the planet comes with terms and conditions or–”

It’s worth the humiliation, the slight laugh Rey gives him as she reaches out and slowly, hesitantly curves her hand around his cheek. If he leans into her touch with a sigh… well, that’s between the two of them, and Rey has the good grace not to comment on it. “I’d like that,” she says instead, with a smile it physically hurts him not to kiss. “I’d like that very much.”

“Okay,” he whispers, his lips perhaps a touch too close to her hand, and they lapse into a warm, comfortable silence as the sun dips beneath the horizon. When it’s finally time for him to leave, to get back to his ship while he still has one, Rey stares at him with a look of intense concentration on her face until she suddenly throws herself into his arms and burrows into his chest.

“I’ll see you soon, Ben,” she murmurs against his racing heart, which skips a beat when he senses the hidden question in her tone.

“See you soon, Rey,” he promises, and leaves with the knowledge that this time, she believes him.

⏳  ⏳  ⏳

The third time Ben Solo visits Jakku, he is a man following his heart.

It’s barely been two weeks this time, but he can’t help himself. None of the jobs his father contacts him about seem worth his time, none of the sights he normally marvels at measure up to Rey, none of his family’s many properties across the galaxy feel like home anymore.

Jakku calls to him like a beacon, with Rey at the very heart of it all.

When he finally has her in his arms again, a part of Ben wishes he didn’t have to leave. It’s wishful thinking though, and he shoves the thought aside to focus on the present, on Rey and the way her eyes light up when she sees him again and the way her touches have grown bolder and more comfortable. The longer he stays, the harder it is to even consider leaving – and then, nature makes the decision for him.

Rey’s laughing as he regales her with the tale of a childhood dance lesson gone wrong, her setting aside clean glasses for the night and him stacking chairs up onto the tables, when they first hear it. Ben’s heard the wind wail before, but this is a shriek, a painful sound accompanied by the harsh grating of sand relentlessly battering the walls and windows of the bar.

“Oh no,” Rey says as she looks out the window into the darkened desert. “Ben, I think you’re stuck here for the night.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” he teases even as he comes to stand next to her, their concerned faces reflected in the window. “Is the bar going to be okay?”

“It’s survived far worse,” she tells him with a shrug. “Your ship should be fine too; the storm doesn’t look too bad, just bad enough to keep everyone indoors.”

Ben casts a look around the empty bar. “I’ll be fine,” he assures Rey. “A blanket would be nice if you could spare one, but I’ve slept in worse.”

When he turns back to her, she’s looking at him with a barely suppressed smile. “Did you really think I was going to make you sleep here? On the floor?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure the bar’s not wide enough for me–”

“Ben,” Rey laughs with a shake of her head, and then reaches for his hand. “Come on, there’s plenty of room downstairs.”

He supposes it makes sense, building underground rather than upward in a place so susceptible to volatile winds, but Ben’s still a little too puzzled by the developments of the last five minutes to really pay attention or react as Rey leads him behind the bar and turns off the lights in the main area before she guides him down a staircase ordinarily kept out of view by the shelves.

“I turned my old room into a storeroom,” Rey tells him as the basement comes into view, a closed door ahead and another to their left. “And the cot was built for a child, so it’s not like you’d fit anyway.” He doesn’t quite realize what she’s getting at until she reaches for the door in front of them, and opens it to reveal a decently-sized room that has to be hers, clothes stacked in semi-neat piles on a threadbare couch and hardy little desert plants lining the walls and…

And one bed, just about big enough for two.

Rey shuts the door behind them. “’Fresher’s through there,” she says, letting go of his hand to point out a door next to her couch. “I’ve got an actual shower, so hopefully my humble abode will live up to your smuggler standards at least, if not your princely ones,” she adds teasingly.

Ben gives her a slight laugh as he curiously heads toward the ‘fresher and opens the door to find that she was serious about the shower. “How?” he asks in bewilderment as he twists a creaky knob that prompts water, actual water, to flow out of the showerhead. It’s nothing to brag about, not even by smuggler standards, but he imagines this has to be the height of luxury for a desert dweller.

“Not bad, is it?” Rey asks, coming to lean against the ‘fresher door with a smile. “What a lot of people don’t know is that this bar stands on the exact spot of Niima the Hutt’s original temple, and she spared no expense when she had that constructed. This is probably the only structure on all of Jakku with running water, courtesy of a pipe that runs deep into the planet, all the way down to whatever source of water’s left from before the Calamity.”

“I’m guessing Maz knew that when she decided to set up shop here?” Ben asks as they make their way out of the cramped ‘fresher and back into the daunting sight of her bedroom and its single bed. It’s not that he doesn’t welcome the opportunity to lie next to her, of course he does, but he doesn’t want Rey to feel like she has to invite him into her space.

But then again, he’d made it clear that he was perfectly content to stay upstairs and she’d been the one to bring him down here…

Rey turns her back to him and starts digging through her piles of clothing and sheets and towels. “Probably,” she says, carefully retrieving a small bundle of clothing from the precarious stacks. “I wish I had something for you to change into, but…”

Right. Clothes to change into, so that they can get to sleep. Together. In the same bed. “I, um,” Ben clears his throat. “I’ll be fine.”

“Right. Good,” Rey nods, suddenly bashful. “Do you mind if I shower first?”

“Go ahead,” he says, and waits until the ‘fresher door closes behind Rey before he closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose, and takes several deep breaths.

“She wouldn’t have volunteered if she wasn’t comfortable with this,” Ben reminds himself, and a cursory sweep of the Force reveals that Rey is comfortable, her presence warm and soothing and electrified by the slightest bit of excitement.

Sufficiently comforted, he makes it through the rest of the evening with little trouble. In fact, it’s all a little… domestic, Ben decides as he comes out of the ‘fresher to find the lights off and Rey already in bed, arranging two pillows next to each other and folding back the blanket on what he assumes is his side of the bed in invitation. She blinks at the sight of him stripped down to his boxers and undershirt, but invites him into bed with a pat on his pillow anyway. He switches off the light in the ‘fresher, plunging them into complete darkness, and waits until his eyesight has adjusted before crossing the room.

“It gets cold at night,” Rey explains as he holds up the blanket in a silent question, and promptly shuffles into his arms when he finally lies down next to her. “You’re much better than a blanket,” is all she offers up as explanation, along with a contented little sigh.

He takes that as permission to properly wrap his arms around her, and closes his eyes when Rey happily swings an arm around his waist in return. She’s so small and warm and soft in his arms, so comfortable and at home this way that he can’t help but relax into their shared embrace as well. Sleep is already beckoning when Rey suddenly whispers into the night.

“Ben?”

“Hmm?” he hums, lips brushing her forehead.

“The first time we met… why did you offer to take me off this planet, even back when we were complete strangers?” Rey asks, and suddenly every single part of him is wide awake and tense with nerves. He won’t, can’t lie to her, but there’s very little he can say to a woman he’s only met three times while holding her in his arms in her bed without scaring her off.

But first– “You’ve never felt like a stranger to me, not even that first day,” he admits, figuring that’s safe enough for now. “There’s just… there’s something about you, Rey.”

He can feel her smile against his chest. “I feel it too,” she murmurs, and presses a kiss to his neck.

And that’s when Ben begins to stammer. “I’m not… it’s just… I’m not saying you can’t look after yourself, I know you can, but… I was just worried, I guess. Is it safe for you here? And okay, I guess it is since you’ve been on your own since you were eight–” He cuts himself off with a wince then, wondering how his attempt to evade the true depth of his feelings for her had ended up with him reminding her of her painful loss.

For the first time in his life, Ben finds himself empathizing with the way his father always, always finds a way to make things worse when he tries to talk himself out of some mess with Ben’s mom.

Thankfully, Rey doesn’t pull away from him, doesn’t even tense up in his arms. “I wasn’t alone, not really,” she mumbles, lips warm against his skin. “I had Maz’s people, remember? They stayed with me for a bit, and then they’d come check up on me every once in a while. Besides, I wasn’t in any real danger. None of the locals would have hurt me, not back then.”

Ben shifts to get a proper look at Rey, careful not to jostle her in the process. “Why’s that?”

She lifts her head from his chest to return his gaze. “This is your third time here. Have you ever seen any kids around?”

He considers the question for a moment, runs through his brief time here on Jakku… and realizes that he has never seen anyone younger than Rey. “I… I never noticed.”

“Children are precious here,” she says. “Jakku is no place to raise a child, so barely anyone tries to. The kids we do have, we all take care of. So in a way, everyone you see here kind of played a part in raising me.”

It’s an odd concept, but one he’s certainly familiar with on a certain level. “They do say it takes a village,” Ben finally says.

“Especially when you don’t have parents,” Rey adds quietly, and it’s perhaps the first and only time he’s heard her actually sound forlorn by the fact.

His first instinct is to comfort her, and he rolls with it before he can overthink the execution. “Sometimes even when you do,” Ben says, and waits for Rey’s reaction to determine what comes next.

She turns on her stomach and props herself up with one hand, staring expectantly at him in the dark. Ben sighs and rolls onto his back, closing his eyes as he slowly gathers his thoughts and weaves them into words. “Turns out, growing up with a princess and a smuggler for parents isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be.”

He can’t believe he’s telling her his pitiful sob story about his parents when she grew up with none, but Rey reaches out and runs a hand through his hair and… and for the very first time, Ben feels like this story he’s kept close to his chest all his life might actually be worth sharing, and sharing with her.

“I’m not… I’m not saying they’re bad people. They’re amazing people, who’ve done amazing things, but… doing amazing things takes up a lot of time – time that normal people might have spent on comforting their kid after a nightmare or explaining the Force to him when he started lashing out or sticking around for a bit after dropping a bombshell revelation about his grandfather instead of running off to the senate to protect your reputation–”

Rey’s hand is still carding through his hair, soothing and grounding him before he can get lost in his own memories.

“They… they tried their best,” Ben says, more for his own benefit than Rey’s. “Eventually, my mother decided to send me to my uncle for training. She’s strong with the Force, always has been, but she’s spent her whole life trying to suppress it. So when my abilities started growing out of control, she thought maybe I needed Luke more than I needed her.”

She’d thought wrong, but Ben tries not to focus on that, on what could have been. “My dad… he agreed, at first. He still thinks all this Force stuff is mumbo-jumbo, but he just wanted the best for me. So I packed my things, said goodbye to my mom, and got on his ship. I don’t know if it was something in my eyes, or my voice, or maybe just paternal intuition kicking in eighteen years too late, but my dad, he just… he kept looking at me, and then just as we were about to arrive he turned the ship around. And then he said…” He turns to Rey, finds her hand in the darkness and allows himself a smile at the memory. “I’ll never forget it. He said Force mumbo-jumbo or not, you’re still my son. And I’m still your father, dammit, and it’s about time I start acting that way.”

Rey squeezes his hand, and smiles back at him as the hand in his hair slides down to cup his cheek. “And that’s how you became a smuggler instead of a Jedi?”

“And that’s how I became a smuggler instead of a Jedi,” Ben echoes with a nod, curling his free arm around her to pull her closer.

“Are you… are you happy?” she asks, still looking up at him. “With how life turned out?”

He shrugs. “If you’re asking if I’d rather be a smuggler or a Jedi, the answer is definitely, one hundred percent smuggler. I admire my uncle and all, but the life he lives, the life he’s chosen… it’s not for me,” Ben says, a realization he’s long since made his peace with. “Besides, growing up I always wanted to be a pilot just like my dad, and I guess this is about as close as it gets.”

Rey hums in acknowledgement, burrows closer to him to rest her head on his chest. “How about you?” he asks, resting their joined hands on her hip. “Are you happy with how your life turned out?”

She’s quiet for so long Ben begins to think that maybe she’s fallen asleep, or maybe she doesn’t want to answer the question. Just as he’s about to give up and close his eyes though, Rey speaks.

“I mean… most days, I’m okay with it,” she says, and he looks down to find her eyes open but fixed someplace else. “These days, I’m especially okay with it, now that… now that I’m not alone anymore.”

Ben holds her tighter, presses a kiss to her forehead. Rey sighs and looks up at him, gives him a smile. “I’ve got a better life than most people here, so at least there’s that. And… and really, this is all I’ve ever known, Ben. If I leave… when I leave… I won’t even know where to start.”

He pulls them both into a sitting position, looks her in the eyes when he promises, “I’ll be right there with you, every step of the way.”

Rey shuffles closer and reaches up, wraps her arms around his neck and slides her fingers into his hair. She looks at him, just… looks at him, for a short eternity. And then–

“I know,” Rey whispers, and kisses him, and kisses him, and kisses him like she can’t stop herself, like her life depends on it, like the floodgates have finally been opened and there will be no closing them ever again.

The storm rages for three days, but by the end of it Ben is sure they’ve barely gotten three hours of sleep combined. When they finally step out into the sun on the third day, they sport matching swollen lips and dark circles as Rey walks him to his ship, unashamedly strolling hand-in-hand with him in full view of the entire outpost.

When the Appenza finally comes into view, Ben can’t resist the urge to ask. Deep in his heart he already knows her answer, but everything else has changed, everything, so why not this?

“Sure you still don’t want to come with me?”

It comes as no surprise when Rey shakes her head with a small smile. “Not yet,” she whispers, but at least this time she softens the blow with a goodbye kiss.

⏳  ⏳  ⏳

The fourth, fifth, sixth, tenth, twentieth, thirtieth time Ben Solo comes back to Jakku, he is a man in love.

He starts taking jobs almost exclusively in the Western Reaches, so that he can visit more frequently and stay longer. After a while, her regulars don’t even blink at the sight of him behind the bar with her anymore, the two of them huddled close in near-constant conversation, almost always holding hands or brushing shoulders or trading playful kisses.

Rey’s bed becomes as familiar to him as his own, a little sanctuary where all their worries disappear. They share secrets under the cover of darkness, paint futures in the golden light of dawn, grasp at each other with all the desperation and want and joy of young lovers every spare moment in between.

Over bar snacks one afternoon, they laugh and bond over the fact that Maz had been the one to give both of them The Talk. In Rey’s case she’d simply had no one else to do it, and one day Maz just sat her down and told her everything there was to know before offering her a contraceptive implant. In Ben’s case, his mother had tasked his father with the responsibility, and his father had predictably pushed it to Chewie, and Chewie had promptly recruited the help of Maz.

Two months after their first kiss, a case of Jogan fruit on his ship opens up a whole new world of possibilities for Ben, and a whole new world period for Rey. He brings her fruit and flowers and all sorts of things she’s never had the chance to see or touch or taste, and tells her each time that her happiness is all the payment he needs. Well, a few kisses wouldn’t hurt either.

One morning, when Ben awakes with the sudden and terrifying realization that he’s overdue for a check-in with his mother as part of her very strict terms for allowing him to continue smuggling, Rey hands him an ancient, patched-together datapad and tells him the story of how she’d hacked into Unkar Plutt’s network one day just for fun, and continues to make use of the highly-encrypted channel for her own purposes.

Another day, when a sandstorm much like the one that had brought them together rolls in, Rey plops herself on top of him to keep him in bed, and asks him to tell her about everything that’s out there, every single world he’s ever visited. He tells her about the lakes of Naboo, the forests of Takodana, the beaches of Chandrila, even the lost mountains of Alderaan, and she promises him that someday, someday he’ll have the chance to show her all of it.

Eventually, her cajoling and pleading finally pay off and Ben acquiesces to a little after-hours display of his skills, using the Force to move bottles around on her shelf and even call some over to the bar, Rey asks him if he ever regrets it, not being a Jedi. And Ben… Ben tells her everything: about how brightly he’d burned even before he’d come into this world, about the tendrils of darkness that had started reaching for him then and hadn’t stopped until years later, about how ultimately love had been just what he’d needed to banish the voices once and for all, the love of his family and for his family. But love, he tells her, is not for the Jedi, not even in this new age – and what he holds in his heart, what he feels for her… he wouldn’t give it up for all the secrets of the Force, for all the power in the galaxy.

A few months later, nearly a standard year since they first met, he arrives to find Rey laughing her head off before she shoos a band of older women away. The people of Jakku, she tells him later, have a tendency to exaggerate; how else does one keep oneself entertained in the desert, after all? The latest story to take Niima Outpost by storm is the sordid tale of one Rey of Jakku and her revolving door of handsome, rich lovers, all of whom keep her business alive with their drink preferences and court her with priceless artifacts sourced from all over the galaxy and fall to their knees begging for her hand. It’s almost impressive, how much they got right aside from the lovers, plural bit.

“You are all there has ever been for me,” Rey assures him when he pretends to be put out by the thought, “and all there will ever be.”

And so life goes on around them while they settle into a new normal, parting every so often only to always, always come back together, finding love and acceptance and belonging with each other for the very first time in their lives.

Everything is perfect… until it almost isn’t.

⏳  ⏳  ⏳

The last time Ben Solo arrives on Jakku, he is a man trembling in concern and anger and fear.

He’s four days early for his next scheduled visit, but somehow still too late. By the time he makes planetfall, a full day has passed since the message first interrupted his monthly check-in call with Luke. His uncle had been blathering on as usual, something about an awakening in the Force, when the feed of Luke probably bragging about a new student had been briefly interrupted by a single word: HELP.

And somehow Ben had known, even before he’d traced the anonymous message back to Jakku and Plutt’s network, exactly who it had come from.

He’d made preparations to rush to Rey’s side immediately, but an unexpected run-in with the Kanjiklub had delayed him by entire hours until he’d finally given in to the swell of fear and anger inside him and knocked them all out with a pulse of dark energy.

That’s probably going to get him an earful from Luke but frankly, Ben doesn’t really give a single flying kriff right now. Right now, he’s trying not to let his fear cripple him as he lands in an eerily empty Niima Outpost. The streets are deserted and so is the marketplace, even though by now it should be filled with scavengers cleaning up their finds of the day and getting in line to present them to the revolting Crolute. Even more worrying is the absence of said Crolute and his thugs, and the sight of Plutt’s beloved concession stand torn apart and thoroughly emptied of his precious rations.

A rising wave of panic threatens to swallow him whole, until Ben forces himself to close his eyes and reach out.

What he finds nearly knocks him to the ground.

If Rey had been brilliant before, now she is blinding. Even with fear and anxiety and anger clouding her energy, her presence in the Force burns brighter than a star, blotting out everything and everyone else. And with this transformation comes an undeniable truth, one Ben cannot believe it’s taken him this long to realize.

“Rey,” he murmurs, and breaks into a run.

Ben, she whispers back, in some secret corner of his mind that less than a handful of people have ever been able to find, let alone reach.

Ben Ben Ben, she chants – cries – pleads in the space between them until he comes upon the bar, doors and windows completely boarded up. But Rey’s already moving, already prying blocks of wood and sheets of metal off the door with a raw strength that cannot possibly be just her own, until finally there’s nothing standing in between them, until finally she’s in his arms again.

“Are you okay?” Ben asks, hands roaming up and down to check for injury even as Rey clutches him tight and sobs into his chest. “Rey, sweetheart, I’m so sorry it took me so long, are you hurt, what happened, I’m here now, I’m here,” he babbles in relief, his and hers and theirs, inseparable in the Force.

She’s quiet in his arms except for the wet sound of sobs and harsh, ragged inhales, and he holds her until her tears run dry and her breathing returns to normal. “Help me,” Rey croaks, her first words in Force knows how long, and pulls away from him to begin the arduous process of boarding the door up again. It’s a flimsy layer of protection, one that won’t actually do anything, but if this is what she needs to feel safe then this is what he’ll do for her. Together they replace all the layers of wood and metal, and then create an additional barricade using every single chair and table in the bar.

When it’s done, Rey wordlessly takes his hand and leads him downstairs, and she doesn’t bother turning the lights on before she pulls him into bed and curls up in his arms, her exaggerated breaths the only sound in the darkness that curls around them.

In, out, in, out, in, out – and with every repetition, the beacon that is her energy in the Force pulses like a gentle heartbeat, dimming and then flaring back to life in the most extraordinary, beautiful light show Ben has ever seen. He’s content to just stay that way, to hold her and mimic her breathing and marvel at her presence, until Rey finally speaks.

“I killed him,” she whispers, her voice painfully raspy; it’s only then that he wonders when she last drank, when she last ate. “I killed all of them,” Rey adds, her voice thick with regret and pain and fear as hot tears drip down his chest.

“Shh,” Ben whispers soothingly, pulls her closer and starts to rock her the way he vaguely remembers his mother doing once, a long time ago. “Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re safe now, I’m here, Rey, I’m here–”

“He– he–” It’s painful, the way she gasps for breath with each word, the way guilt threatens to snuff out her light. He can only hold her close and pray she’s as attuned to him in the Force as he is to her, pray she can feel all the comfort and love and protection he has to offer. Maybe, just maybe, it works, because soon enough Rey calms down enough to fill him in without sounding on the brink of a panic attack.

“It was Plutt,” she whispers, a loose fist curling into the front of his shirt for comfort. “He’d heard about all the gossip the others were spreading, all the lies about my new smuggler regulars and all the business I was getting and the expensive gifts I was hiding in my place. That kriffing blobfish got it into his head that he deserved a cut of my profits, so he rounded up his goons and stormed the place two days ago.”

She’s shaken by the memory, just as Ben is shaken by the timestamp. Two days ago, two whole days ago and she’s been alone ever since, while he was in Naboo with his mother and rolling his eyes at his uncle and wasting time with the karking Kanjiklub.

Rey pauses, burrows impossibly closer to him. “When the fight broke out… it was me against twelve of them. Even with my blaster, I could only take down so many of them before they outnumbered me. They… they knocked it out of my hands, and then Plutt reached out, for my neck, and…”

Just hearing about it makes his blood boil, makes his heart bleed. But Rey is here, he reminds himself, here and safe and alive in his arms, and she needs him to focus on the present, not the past.

“And then… he was choking on thin air. They all were.” Her voice sounds so small, so scared.

���The Force,” Ben finally murmurs, willing her to feel the way his presence curls around hers, the way his soul instinctively reaches out for hers.

Judging by her quiet acceptance, Rey had come to the realization on her own at some point in the last two days. “I never knew, never even thought…” she whispers, sounding half-awed and half-terrified. “But Ben, I… I killed them all. I’m… Maker, Ben, I’m a monster.”

“No.” His response is immediate and forceful as he pulls away and wills Rey to look at him. “No, never. Listen to me, Rey, listen–” he all but begs when she begins to shake her head in denial. “You were scared, and in danger, and the Force chose to come to you in that exact moment, sweetheart, chose to save you no matter the cost. That wasn’t you, no, it wasn’t–”

“I could feel them,” she chokes out, eyes clouding over with tears once more. “Ben, I could feel them slipping away and I didn’t– I didn’t stop, didn’t know how, didn’t want to–”

He leans down and presses their foreheads together, wills her to breathe with him until she stops shaking. "Listen to me,” Ben says sharply, leaving no room for argument. “You were in danger, you had no other choice, and you did nothing wrong. Those men deserved it, and you know that, Rey.”

She’s quiet for so long, and even with their newfound closeness he can’t tell what she’s feeling, refuses to barge into her mind to see what she’s thinking. He can only hold her until finally, she continues her story.

“I buried them,” Rey tells him, her voice eerily flat and detached and steady. “I buried them out back, right next to my parents, in even shallower graves. I locked up the bar and hid down here, but it wasn’t enough. That night I heard the ripper-raptors tear their bodies apart for meat and I thought… I thought to myself finally. Finally they were of some use to this kriffing desert.”

And for a moment, for the most fleeting of seconds, Ben can see how the blinding warmth of her light could easily turn into something else, something that sends a chill down his spine.

But he of all people knows better than to let those possibilities cloud his perception. “When was the last time you ate something?” Ben asks quietly, brushing those thoughts aside before Rey can sense them and focusing only on her warmth, her light.

“I’m fine,” she claims unconvincingly.

“Rey, please, let me–”

She curls her arms around him tighter, trapping him like a vise. “I’m fine. I just…” She softens, voice and grip both, and relaxes into him with a sigh. “I’m just so tired, Ben, I haven’t slept in days.”

He thinks of the boarded-up windows, of the barricade, of the tendrils of fear that continue to stain her Force signature.

“Hold me?” Rey asks, with a voice like the scared child she never got to be.

Ben kisses her forehead. “All night,” he promises, and stands guard over her while she drifts in and out of uneasy sleep and dark nightmares and the prison of her own mind. They spend the rest of the night in silence, save for a few soothing whispers on his part when he slowly draws her out of her nightmares, Rey feigning sleep even when she’s clearly awake and Ben letting her as he draws soothing circles into her back.

Eventually, the chrono mounted above the ‘fresher door displays a dimly-lit 0500, the only source of light in the room. The sun has risen in Jakku, and with it so has Rey, finally giving up her act to roll onto her back and stare at the ceiling instead.

“The second time Maz visited after… after my parents,” she says slowly, quietly, her voice scratchy in that intimate, first-thing-in-the-morning way he’s come to cherish, “I begged her to take me back to Takodana with her. I was so lonely, and sad, and scared, and I just… I wanted to not be all of those things, any of those things, anymore.”

It doesn’t matter how many times Rey talks about her childhood – his heart breaks for her every single time.

“And she said… she said she’d like nothing more in the entire universe, but it wasn’t my time to leave yet,” Rey tells him with a little scoff. “Worst thing to tell a child who’s desperate to get off a planet, but you know how Maz is. She wouldn’t change her mind, no matter how much I cried and begged. All she told me was that I’d know when it was time… and I’ve been waiting ever since.”

And finally, finally all of the pieces fall into place. “So that’s why every time I asked…”

Rey rolls onto her side to look at him. “It wasn’t time. I thought it was at first, I hoped it was. I mean, stars,” she breathes, the faintest hint of a laugh in her voice, and relief crashes into him like a tidal wave. “A handsome smuggler shows up out of the blue and offers to show me the galaxy? That’s the stuff holodramas are made of. But even then, even with you… it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like it was time yet.”

The words are out of his mouth before he’s even consciously aware of forming them, a desperate man’s attempt to hold onto the first sign of light at the end of the tunnel that has been this endless night. “Handsome, huh?”

Ben regrets them instantly, chides himself for making light of her confession and teasing her when she’s clearly not ready for it yet, when this isn’t the time for jokes–

But then, in the darkness his eyes adjusted to hours ago, he sees Rey roll her eyes at him and feels her little hand shove at his shoulder in retaliation. He smiles in relief, and slowly, ever so slowly, so does Rey, a soft little curve of her lips that shines brighter than the desert sunlight breaking through the horizon.

They stare at each other like that, two smiling people appreciating a rare moment of calm, until Ben gathers his thoughts and his nerve. “You said it wasn’t time then,” he says carefully. “What about now?”

Rey’s smile fades, but she slips one hand into his as she slowly considers her words. “Now something… now there’s this thing inside of me–”

“The Force,” Ben reminds her and him both, still marveling at the truth, still berating himself for not realizing it that very first day. No one, no one, burns that brightly in the Force without having the kind of connection to it that he has, that she has.

“Yeah, that,” Rey murmurs, sounding worlds away as she considers her new reality. “I feel… I feel like it’s telling me to leave, to get the hell away from Jakku and never look back.” She pauses, squeezes his hand before she looks up at him with a dozen questions in her eyes. “Can the Force do that?”

“The Force works in mysterious ways,” he tells her, echoing the same bantha fodder he’s been told his whole life and finally knows to be true. How else would he explain ending up on Jakku of all the planets in the galaxy, finding Rey of all the Force-sensitives in existence? He’s always suspected that the Force must have played some part in leading him to Rey all those months ago, but now there’s no denying it.

She laughs, and it’s not quite the sound he’s come to love but it’s close enough, Ben supposes, given the circumstances. “Maz used to say that all the time. Maker, I’d get so irritated at her.”

“Everyone says it,” Ben shrugs. “Trust me, it never gets any less irritating. But… but it’s true,” he reluctantly admits.

Rey hums in acknowledgement, and busies herself by smoothing out his crumpled shirt for a while until she’s ready to speak again. “Ben… Ben, what do I do?” she whispers, and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard her sound so helpless, doesn’t want her to ever feel this way again.

And for that to happen… there’s really only one way, isn’t there? For the very first time in his life, Ben regrets not taking his heritage seriously, not knowing enough to help Rey now. There’s only one person out there who can help her… and he’s probably already waiting, Ben realizes, finally connecting the dots between Rey’s incident and the awakening Luke had spoken of.

Slowly, reluctantly, he resigns himself to the idea. “Luke… Luke felt it, your awakening,” he tells Rey, the words heavy on his tongue and his heart. “He can help you. I can… I can take you to him.”

Her reaction is instantaneous, Rey tensing in his arms and then pulling herself away to stare down at him. “No,” she says firmly. “No, I don’t want to be a Jedi.”

He can’t deny the relief that brings him, can’t deny that he wants nothing more than to go along with her wishes. But Rey deserves a proper teacher, deserves someone who’ll know what to do with her brilliance rather than just blindly worship it the way he has since the day they met. “Sweetheart, just because it wasn’t for me–”

“No,” Rey insists, and kisses him all hard and desperate and bruising before he can go on. “After everything you’ve told me,” she pants harshly against his lips, “do you really think I could ever live that life? To give up everything, to give up you–” Her voice cracks, and a strangled sob follows.

Ben quickly pulls her back in, his heart overflowing with love and awe for this woman. “Okay,” he murmurs between soft kisses, “okay, we won’t go to Luke.”

That leaves him with approximately zero other ideas, but Rey seems to have one. “Take me with you,” she says suddenly, lips barely parted from his.

“What?” Ben asks a little too sharply as he rears back in shock, in surprise, in hope.

“Take me with you,” Rey repeats with a shrug. “You could teach me, right?”

He wants, more than anything in the galaxy, for that to be true. But… “Rey, I barely have any training myself, I wouldn’t even know where to start–”

She silences his doubts by reaching out to curve her hands around his face, her thumbs gently caressing his cheeks. “Ben. I don’t need training. I don’t want to be a Jedi, I just want to be in control. You know that much, right?”

And… he does. Ben might not know much, not as much as he would’ve had his father decided to drop him off at Luke’s that fateful day, but he does know enough to stay in control, to stay away from the darkness, to let love and light and life balance everything out.

Most of the time, anyway.

“Ben, take me with you,” Rey says for the third time, and whatever objections he’d had before disappear into thin air. “Unless…” she adds before he can say yes, pulling her hands away from him, “unless the offer is off the table?”

“No, never,” he rushes to assure her, reaching out to wrap his arms around her waist and keep her close. “I want you with me, Rey, always. But are you sure about this? About leaving, for good, with me?”

Rey has a whole collection of smiles for him, but one of his favorites might be the one she flashes him when she thinks he’s acting like the stupidest creature in all the galaxy. “Ben, my heart breaks every single time I have to watch you leave without me. Do you really think I’m going to put myself through that again now that I can finally get off this godforsaken rock?”

This is happening. This is really, finally, actually happening. “I’ll never leave you again,” he swears, and pulls her closer to scatter kisses everywhere his lips can reach as Rey laughs and squirms away from him. “Never again, Rey. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

She reaches for his head and holds him still, pulls him in for a long, lingering kiss. “I love you too. So get me the hell off this planet and show me the galaxy, Ben Solo.”

And so he does.

It takes them a while to actually get out of bed and pack up Rey’s things and make all the necessary arrangements, but later that day, as the sun sets upon Jakku, a smuggler and an orphan walk out of a bar hand-in-hand… and they never come back.

. . .

Some years later, Luke Skywalker receives an invitation to the grand opening of a new Force academy, one that exists in between – or maybe outside of – the Jedi and Sith ways.

The invitation is signed by none other than Ben and Rey Solo, retired smugglers and galactic adventurers looking to finally settle down and build a home.

⏳  ⏳  ⏳

Hello, friends! First things first: if you made it through all 12000+ words of this, I wish I could give you an actual cookie or some other prize because that's amazing, thank you for sticking around! This ended up being twice the projected word count and took double the amount of time allotted to write, but it's the first time in a long time that I got completely sucked into a story and wrote for hours on end in some sort of feverish need to delve deeper and get to know these characters better, so I hope that translated into the final product.

Next up, I'll be working on a much fluffier (and hopefully shorter!) one-shot to lighten things up before we head into TRoS. I'll see you soon! Until then: thanks as always for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, and please don't hesitate to like/reblog/leave a comment!

[writtenwordsoffic]

One Good Bet - Grizz x the Guard - requested

Grizz x the Guard

Anonymous said:Pls write something about Grizz coming out to the guard :D thanks! 

I actually really enjoyed writing this one. Thanks anon!

Masterlist

@idle-lanes  @sgarrett49 @moonlight53 @redhairedoddity @the-achievementhunter @superoptimist1997  @gswritings@misskarynie@pancakefancake @alwaysthefangirl

Words: 1405

                                                            —-

“That’s not a good bet”.

“How would you know? They’re my cards…”, Luke’s words slurred a little as he questioned Grizz.

“Is that why you keep nonchalantly motioning them to my view?”, Grizz kind of joked as Luke looked dissatisfied.

Grizz looked around the younger gentlemen of the Guard, seeing the "flop” on the table before them - cards being one of the few ways to pass time in New Ham. Grizz unwillingly sipped at his one beer, as he watched the other three get rather drunk.

He looked at his two cards in hand, noticing the pair of kings- tapping his foot out of habit - trying to keep his bluff away from his face. But Grizz was always good at bluffing - it would not be as if his friends would know anything different.

Luke slapped the next card down, noting it as the River as Clark’s eyes rattled with the pain of what had just transpired.

Grizz’s mind was elsewhere as he thought back to the last week - to his team’s exploration and its successfulness - to coming back home to a mob that was rising against Allie. Grizz knew who was behind this, but also knew - that too big of a move on the matter would cause more chaos. Just like cards that night, Grizz was playing the long game for New Ham - but with it, he had to get his friends back.

As a round of betting circled the table, Grizz then thought back how to Sam welcomed him home - with glee. Lingering nerves still being between them both, knowing one was at fault for the anger that still persisted. Yet, he knew Sam was with him, in the fear of what would happen to Allie now.

“Hey man, are you going to bet or what?”, Jason interrupted Grizz’s thoughts.

Grizz looked to the table at the final card, not really noticing how long the rest of the boys were still waiting on him.

“Where’s your head tonight? You’re not even drinking?”, Clark was a little angered as he saw the same bottle Grizz opened an hour ago, still placed on its coaster everso perfectly.

“I’m just elsewhere I guess”, Grizz said timidly.

“Well do you think you’ll actually play? There’s only so much liquor left we can bet with. I can’t believe Lexi is still making us do rations even though we’re the guard…”.

“We all do our part Clark, otherwise it’s just anarchy”, Grizz’s voice got deeper, making it a point to not give Clark any eye contact.

“Yeah yeah…anarchy…”, Clark finished off another beer, a type or ring hitting the wood table as he set his bottle down.

“I don’t think Campbell would mind that…”, Luke threw another chip on the pile.

“Don’t you mean Harry?”, Grizz gave a taunting eyebrow as his sarcastic tone followed - placing a point of who he really thought was in power at the moment.

“Nah man, we can trust them with our lives. They’ve treated us the best so far”, Jason took a shot of what was ever closest to him, not really caring what went down his throat.

“We’ve known them all our lives - maybe that’s the problem”, Luke was still contemplating his mind with his recent decisions.

“That doesn’t mean you really know them”, Grizz was still treating the table with his disappointment in them all. He blurted his words, as his mind was still on Sam. As much as Grizz had given Sam a hard time for being truthful about Becca - he had been keeping a secret to his closest friends for years. Granted, six months ago, Grizz didn’t think he would still be friends with the table that surrounded him now. How did he want to live?

“Circumstances have changed”, Grizz messed with the cards in his hand, choosing his words carefully as he was debating to divulge something for about the fifth time in a matter of months.

“What is that supposed to mean?’, Clark’s words were slurrying heavier now.

"It just means”, Grizz gave a sigh mid-sentence, “that we aren’t the same people we were six months ago. This whole town isn’t. And I don’t think any of us were to going to be anyway before the night with the buses. We were all going to change after this summer…”. Grizz finally made eye contact with Luke, as he knew Luke had more of an understanding of life than the others at the table.

“I’m still the same person”, Jason gave point to his voice of bellowing.

“Are you sure you would have done the same things you would have six months ago?”. Grizz had taken the week, learning what had happened to Lexi to spark such a change of power in the first place.

“For the right reasons I would have”, Jason tried to cover a hiccup.

“Sure…sure you would have”, Luke had disdain in his voice, but mostly for his own actions.

“What matters is that we’re all still here now”, Clark gave a jeer with his bottle attempting to make a toast.

“What’s going to change that if not a different…universe”. Jason seemed proud of himself getting the explanation right.

“Exactly what you said”, a pause lingered as they all looked to Grizz. “who we really are”. Grizz locked eyes with all of his friends as the pause went further, them all assuming Grizz meant the state of things in New Ham.

“And what do I not know about you Grizzman? I’ve known you since you were 12”, Luke tried to cut the tension.

“What you expect to know of me, yes”, Grizz began to shuffle the cards as the game didn’t really seem to matter anymore. “Just like them. Clark there, his girlfriend hasn’t been his girlfriend in months, all to keep rations and a room to share before this whole Harry thing…don’t worry, I don’t care. My point is, we have bigger problems than worrying about people in the same house”.

“Harry isn’t going to change that back anyway…”, Clark mumbled under his breath.

“No no, hold on. Why are you talking about all of this anyway? Is this about you?”, Luke tried to get where Grizz was coming from - or for what point.

Grizz’s gut was overwhelmed, mostly nerves trying to get the better of him. “I’m…gay”.

“Huh”, Clark said under his breath.

Silence lingered on between the table, Luke prepping his throat. “Were you going to tell us…before all of this I mean?”, he gave motion to the room but Grizz knew he meant New Ham.

Grizz gave a calm look, “I don’t know. Before all of this, we were going different ways, I don’t know”. Luke gave a mild nod to the answer.

“Didn’t you have, RELATIONS with other girls though?”, Jason was trying to recall the past years.

Grizz nodded, “yes but if I was with a girl, I was always drinking, and it never….well it never felt right. Or was right…”.

They all pondered their quietness, somewhat hoping another would speak next.

“So….”, Clark moved his chips around on the table, “which one of us did you have a crush on?”, he quirked his eyebrows in jest to Grizz.

Grizz laughed quietly as the others roared with the question. “Trust me, none of you”. The rest of them kept their laugh.

Luke took the deck of cards from Grizz, shuffling them while giving some thought to his next words. “Is there…someone?”.

Grizz gave a nod, finally opening a second beer and taking a large swig. “Sam…”, saying his name out loud was still a little hard as nothing had been resolved since he left for the expedition.

“Doesn’t that guy have a baby?”, Jason blurted his words, never being one to have an internal filter. Clark gave a shove to his shoulder for him to shut up.

“It’s complicated”, Grizz’s nose went up as he thought back to the last several weeks. “But I care about him”.

Luke nodded, “well then, that’s all that matters in the long run. Especially for a place like here”. Luke gave a pat to Grizz’s back. Grizz thought back to his worry over the years with his friends. What they would think of him, their reactions. But he looked over the table, another round of betting going, seeing that nothing had really changed. At least, not when it came to himself.