#noncanon quotes

[foursaints]

fanonwise i sometimes feel that we don’t treat barty crouch jr’s relationship to his father with the amount of nuance that it’s given in canon.

i see more evidence for their dynamic as one of a prodigal son‘s unexpected betrayal, rather than him being openly defiant from the beginning. barty jr disdains his father more than he fears him.

barty’s character is more about being Stifled than it is about being Penalized, if that makes sense. he is a docile thing on the outside. for a counterexample: sirius continuously rebelled against his parents and was punished for it, over and over. barty is more the case of a child dutifully abiding with something spiteful and ugly growing underneath his surface, larger each passing year.

barty’s revenge, and his anger, and his suffering, are all quiet things: the secret burying of a bone, the forced muteness of imperius. barty doesn’t react when he speaks about his father or sees him in disguise. he admits to never truly considering him a father, seeing more of himself in tom instead.

this is more compelling to me than casting him as a sirius-variant!! it’s a slow type of resentment— leading to torture and ending in revenge— and i like the idea of barty as someone in Waiting. he’s the deferential mirror of a man he doesn’t respect (but never truly, not inside). barty jr was a son raised to take the place of his father: obeying to the letter until he suddenly didn’t, and finally usurping him in the most violent way possible with patricide. his father wanted an heir to replace him and he created a perfect one, in the most tragically ironic way possible!! this will always be more interesting to me than a barty who is plainly defiant from the outset— it flattens him!!

[memelordotherblog]

Young Mortimer: Uncle 🥺

Sylvester who was hire by his parents to do legal paperwork: DO I LOOK LIKE -

[p-perkeys]

Bullseye, talking about Akihiro.

[castielinpastel]

i fucking hate it that people won’t “let you” ship unproblematic things (specifically lgbt ships) just because it doesn’t make sense to them. you don’t like a ship? that’s fine, we’re not going to try and force you to, but saying it doesn’t make sense in general and using every lame excuse you can think of JUST to hate on it? I don’t understand why you can’t just let people be happy.

[koko-heads]

jimmy jr: how did you get tina to betray me? what did you offer her?

tammy: i asked if she wanted to embarrass you and instantly agreed.

[riverpancakes]

Takumi Bakugou: All those centuries, and you haven’t learned how to use a cell phone?

Atsui Villin: I am 1,000 years old! Unless you know how to work a 15th century printing press, you can stop laughing and show me how to use the Twitter.

[nightlightillustrates]

Avenging Angels Incorrect Quotes Part 1/?:

Kedas: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water?

Yung: y-you were putting it in cold water?

Aevo: Kedas. Answer the question Kedas.

Kedas: Yeah??? I thought for like, 5 years, that people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. I didn't realize there was an actual reason. You think I have the patience to boil water, wtf???

Aevo: You don't have the patience to microwave it for 3 minutes??

Nassaui: Why are you...putting it in the microwave to boil it.

Aevo: Do you think I have the patience to boil it on the nanowave cooker?

Nassaui: It takes less than a minute.

Aevo: Edar'linare, is your cooker powered by the sun?

Nassaui: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water?

Aevo: Like, seven minutes.

Nassaui: Just stick the mug on top of the cooker on medium heat until it boils in like two minutes-less than that if you use a saucepan.

Aevo: *crying* You're putting the whole mug on the cooker? In *medium heat*?? You're cooker is enchanted.

Pha: Every single person here is a fucking lunatic.

Vlessi: Do none of you here have a fucking kettle?

[rqbossman]

if needles hugged mr bonzo, do you (noncanonically, knee-jerk) think he’d pop like a balloon? or would he texturally be more like putty? pepperoni?

Hmm, I think it would more be like piercing rotten chicken stuffed inside a nerf football that's covered in perished rubber. But that's just a kneejerk response, don't quote me on that.

[calliesmemes]

IN-CHARACTER QUOTES FROM DISCORD

UNHINGED SENTENCE STARTERS FEATURING THINGS SAID BY MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS WHILE WRITING AS OUR MUSES IN A CRACK-BASED NONCANON GROUP CHAT. This post is dedicated to Em, Liz, Tanny, Nellie, Mel, Ange, and everyone else in the server who recognizes these quotes — you know who you are 😈

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Have you forgotten that you should not steal someone’s property? ”

“   I could slap that smug look off his face right now! ”

“   Your ears are a lie. ”

“   Woah woah that's - that's a bad word. ”

“   I don’t know if it’s allowed and quite frankly I don’t care. Fuck the rules. ”

“   Time for gremlin activities! ”

“   I hate this man. Let's prank him. ”

“   We are all going on strike today I swear ”

“   Looks like I need to invest in a kid leash. ”

“   DONT BE COWARDS!! JOIN THE STRIKE!! ”

“   I support her saying what needs to be said! I am done with the silencing of women!!!! ”

“   I like the dramatics. ”

“   I did not ask for a second opinion. ”

“   You seem to be doing a great job at being a nuisance. ”

“   NO BITING MY EMPLOYEES! ”

“   do you want me to bring you cheese? ”

“   Next move, start chewing on the door frames ”

“   I like crumbs. They are like a little midnight snack in my bed at night. ”

“   if he wants to be a worm, LET HIM BE A WORM ”

“   the rest of you suck my toe ”

“   To be fair I am simply vibing. ”

“   I am going to commit a war crime! ”

“   I am manifesting being happy. ”

“   Am I gonna talk shit WITH you guys? because im down to talk shit about pretty much anyone ”

“   Who says? We shall revolt without question. ”

“   Let's just start burning stuff. ”

“   Did you just call me... small? ”

“   Can I convert you with my kazoo propaganda? ”

“   We were radicalised by The Little Mermaid. ”

“   Penny in the swear jar, now. ”

“   My last words are, bros before hoes. ”

“   The old men are trying to be trendy. ”

“   I can do whatever I want too! ”

“   Can we go one day without an interruption from an American? ”

“   I am so sorry. He enjoys conflict. ”

“   Why is he so tall? ”

“   For legal reasons, kids, that's a joke. ”

“   Would you like to fight the adults? ”

“   You're not meant to bite people, it's frowned upon. ”

“   He’s a fun killer, don't listen to him! ”

“   Ow! Stop kicking me! ”

“   I have quite literally begged you not to kick, hit, or bite today. ”

“   BUT I thought we were buds, pals, amigos, chums, friends. ”

“   Oh shiiiii someone’s in trouble ”

“   How much caffeine have you had in the last hour? ”

“   I'll be honest they wouldn't be so bad if they didn't speak. ”

“   Is this goof meant to be dead or what? ”

“   I am a witch. ”

“   This one reeks of self confidence when he clearly doesn't think before opening his mouth. ”

“  I call bullshit on that rule! ”

“   The point is I have a cane and I’m not afraid to use it. ”

“   If you slap me, I’ll cane you. ”

“   Yippee for women. ”

“   FUCK THE PATRIARCHY ”

“   Sorry for being British. ”

“   Oi who's playing that ominous music? ”

“   I'm strong because I eat carrots. Oh wait or is that to see in the dark.... it's for something. ”

“   I will say sorry when i'm caught, don't you worry. ”

“   AND YOU CALLED ME UP AGAIN JUST TO BREAK ME LIKE A PROMISE! ”

“   ... He's done for. Broken beyond repair. Someone play Taylor Swift. ”

“   Please refrain from punching one another. ”

“   He is becoming one with the spider I believe. ”

“   If anybody asks I will say I made you, then you will not get in trouble! ”

“   Can I be a girlboss too? I am not rude to women and I do what i like ”

“   Yippee for patriotism! ”

“   … i could make you guys rat costumes ”

“   Do you think if we started stealing bread we would lose our jobs? ”

“   why do British people ”

“   … you all need therapy. ”

“   Do you ever feel if you breathe the wrong way he will bite you? ”

“   I actively avoid whatever this is. ”

“   CARRY ME. ”

“   What if, and hear me out, they both promise not to do it again? ”

“   I wanna steal all his socks. ”

“   My socks were stolen! ”

“   Hey, watch it now. Only I'm allowed to insult me. ”

“   You couldn’t whisper to save your life. It’s pitiful. ”

“   Both of you are insufferable. ”

“   The law is overrated. ”

“   I’m afraid. Miss, you aren’t my type. ”

“   No. I swear on my life. I am being a gentleman ”

“   I support women’s wrongs. ”

“   ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!!! ”

“   GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW ”

“   He bites? Are you .. joking? Please say you're joking. ”

“   If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain ifyou're not into yoga if you have half a brain if you like makin' love at midnight in the dunes on the cape then I'm the love that you've looked for write to me and escape 🎶🎶 ”

[elusivehoney]

Prepare to close out the year with the smegiest advent calendar you'll ever see. Over the course of this December, all are invited to participate in the new Red Dwarf 30 Day Challenge.

The new Red Dwarf 30 Day Challenge will run from December 1st to December 30th, 2024. All entries are welcome, from gifs, to fan art, photos, written posts, videos, fanfiction, and all other types of creations/posts - you can participate any way you want. Make sure to include the tag #rdc24 for this event, so everyone can see and share your creations/contributions for the challenge.

The prompts:

Day 1: Favourite Spaceship (excluding Red Dwarf, Blue Midget, and StarBug)

Day 2: Favourite Main Spaceship (Red Dwarf, Blue Midget or StarBug)

Day 3: Favourite fake thing that exists in the Red Dwarf universe

Day 4: Favourite Non-Human Species

Day 5: Favourite One-Off Character

Day 6: Favourite Recurring Character

Day 7: Favourite Quote

Day 8: Favourite Musical Cue/Score (listen HERE)

Day 9: Favourite Set

Day 10: Favourite Dynamic (non-romantic)

Day 11: Favourite Dynamic (romantic, canon or noncanon)

Day 12: Favourite Alternate Universe/Reality/Version of a Character

Day 13: Favourite Lister Outfit

Day 14: Favourite Kryten Outfit/Design

Day 15: Favourite Rimmer Outfit

Day 16: Favourite Cat Outfit

Day 17: Five Favourite BBC Era Episodes

Day 18: Five Favourite DAVE Era Episodes

Day 19: Favourite Kristine Quote/Moment

Day 20: Favourite Holly Quote/Moment

Day 21: Favourite Lister Episode

Day 22: Favourite Kryten Episode

Day 23: Favourite Rimmer Episode

Day 24: Favourite Cat Episode

Day 25: Favorite fanfic, fanart, or fan-related work

Day 26: BBC Era or DAVE Era

Day 27: Favourite Series

Day 28: Favourite Character

Day 29: One thing you hope to see in the the (alleged) new miniseries

Day 30: Free Choice

Signal boosting if you are planning to participate would be very appreciated and I can’t wait to see your creations/posts!

[ultimateshixiongfuckertournament]

Noncanonicals Tournament Round 1, Match 7

Match 7 is between John 'Jack' Seward from Dracula (shizun/mentor: Abraham van Helsing) and Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars (shizun/mentor: Qui-Gon Jinn)

Propaganda under the cut! (Warning: Propaganda may include spoilers about the characters and their media)

John 'Jack' Seward:

Actual quotes from the letter in which John Seward introduce Van Helsing:

"I am in doubt, and so have done the best thing I know of. I have written to my old friend and master, Professor Van Helsing, of Amsterdam, who knows as much about obscure diseases as any one in the world. [...]

Van Helsing would, I know, do anything for me for a personal reason, so no matter on what ground he comes, we must accept his wishes. He is a seemingly arbitrary man, this is because he knows what he is talking about better than any one else. He is a philosopher and a metaphysician, and one of the most advanced scientists of his day, and he has, I believe, an absolutely open mind. This, with an iron nerve, a temper of the ice-brook, and indomitable resolution, self-command, and toleration exalted from virtues to blessings, and the kindliest and truest heart that beats, these form his equipment for the noble work that he is doing for mankind, work both in theory and practice, for his views are as wide as his all-embracing sympathy."

I feel like this speaks for itself tbqh.

Also, here's Van Helsing's answer to Seward's offscreen summons:

"When I received your letter I am already coming to you. By good fortune I can leave just at once, without wrong to any of those who have trusted me. Were fortune other, then it were bad for those who have trusted, for I come to my friend when he call me to aid those he holds dear. Tell your friend that when that time you suck from my wound so swiftly the poison of the gangrene from that knife that our other friend, too nervous, let slip, you did more for him when he wants my aids and you call for them than all his great fortune could do. But it is pleasure added to do for him, your friend, it is to you that I come.[...]"

The Gangrene Incident is never explained beyond this. Just. Jack sucked Van Helsing canon and real

Rest assured that they are like this from here to the end of the novel

--

See above; also, let's remember the fact that Jackie can apparently do a bang up Dutch accent to give full bodied performances mimicking his professor. Van H also implies that he and Jack are blood-married.

--

Even though they are mentor/student, Van Helsing strongly believes Jack is his equal in many ways and confides in him just for emotional stability. Stereotypically the mentor pushes the student outside of his comfort zone, but it is Jack who introduces the professor to everyone else in the story. Van Helsing tells another character that Jack helps alleviate his loneliness. He writes his "in case I die" memos to Jack specifically, because there is no one else who would understand him better.

Oh also Van Helsing has a running theme of barging into Jack's room unannounced, waking him up gently from his sleep, invading his personal space with little protest.

Obi-Wan Kenobi:

None submitted

[camelspit]

Roisin's Reading Rumble 2024

This year, instead of multiple rounds, it will be one big project!!

Assignment: Make a presentation on the dynamic between 2+ characters.

It can be romantic, platonic, familial, etc. It can also be completely canon (romantic Sophie and Keefe) or more speculative (romantic Garwin and Alvar)

While you can pick a noncanon pairing, you have to have some sort of canon backing to support your claims (ex: if you think Garwin and Alvar would be good romantically, tell me why!! Use existing information about those characters and the relationships they have in canon to back your arguement) You will need to include at least 3 direct quotes from the books. Including page numbers is optional but put what book (or short story) its from. ex: "We good, Foster?" (Legacy)

This will be done in a slideshow format (using canva/slides/etc. whatever works for you) and uploaded as images (example).

You need at least 5 slides!! What you do with them is entirely up to you, though.

ANY AND ALL ART USED IN YOUR PRESENTATION MUST BE CREDITED.

The signup period will last until the 23th and pairings will be posted on the 24th.

You will have until November 15th to complete this, and projects will be posted on the 16th.

When you do post it, make sure to @ me and tag it #roisins reading rumble 2024

If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send me an ask!!

@valentinerose529

@myfairkatiecat

@siennamakeschaos

@vesperas-number-one-fangirl

@worldsunlikemyown

@onlyslightlyevilgremlin

@rusted-phone-calls

@let-them-sing-of-others

@isilee

@sugarshackpeasant

@faggot-friday

@lgbtqforeverything

[alphabetshipper]

I think, but don't quote me on this now, the reason I'm so into noncanon pairings is because they're noncanon (and more importantly, because I'm aroace).

I don't often care about canon pairings because they're going to be on screen doing their whole lovey-dovey thing and kissing and touching and "I love you"ing which are things I don't really get irl and genuinely don't care about.

But in my head I'm happily married with 3 kids to a like 50 fictional characters, so when the pairings are noncanon I can feed on my delusions to my hearts content without it happening before my eyes and making me feel off. Like I will consume smut and squeel over romance in a fanfic, but seeing it on my screen is a no go, I'm bored, I'm done, change the channel. But if I don't see it but have to hunt for it on tumblr or ao3 or wherever, you bet your ass I'm hooked, you'll have to take that noncanon pair from my cold dead hands.

“But what about canon pairs that you ship?” you asks. Anomalies, kind of, but also I'm more likely to ship a canon pairing if they're friendship is well established before their in a relationship with each other and if their personalities don't end up getting changed because they're now in a relationship (and maybe if they aren't kissing every few scenes).

[gamequoteshowdown]

Quote 1: "For one of you, the darkest pit of hell has opened to swallow you whole. Don’t keep the devil waiting, old friend." - Henry Emily, FNaF Pizzeria Simulator

Quote 2: "They’ll pay for this." - Mickey, Kingdom Hearts

Propaganda

Quote 1: I say this as a major fnaf fan, fnaf only has like 3 genuinely really good moments and this is the best of them. It fucking rules. Also it’s worth noting the guy Henry’s talking to/about has a sort of parallel quote in the third of the noncanon book trilogy, “the devil has knocked on my door before, and I’ve turned him away.” Just think that’s neat - Submitter

Quote 2: Mickey thought Goofy was dead after he got hit in the head with a rock. So, he dramatically says this before throwing off his coat, summoning a keyblade(basically a sword) and then goes on a rampage. (Link to clip cause it's fucking beautiful) - Submitter

[ghostlylicious]

was i wrong or is this not the noncanon most narcissus quote ever

[psiimaid]

Sollux Voice Actor Needed!

We're looking for someone to voice Sollux in a fancy readthrough (audio drama, if you will) of the chatlog-style fanfic One of Our Submarines! A no SGRUB AU in which Sollux is helmed and invited into a secret network of Sufferer-following helmsmen. Prior read is not required, but it is an excellent fic and you should definitely check it out! (Whether you are interested in this role or not, wink.)

Sollux's role in this story is major! While there are no restrictions on who can audition, please be aware that this is a voice that necessitates quite a bit of range.

The only requirement is that it is asked you have a Discord; one is not necessary to audition but it is where discussions and putting together of the project take place.

How to audition?

You can hop into this project's Discord server and put your audition up there in the appropriate place, or message me on Tumblr with a link to your audition!

Lines are of your choice, you may read anything from canon or from the fanfic (there are some good ones right in chapter one!). Here is a random canon quote generator.

Thank you for your interest!

Other open roles are the rest of the Beta Trolls and some noncanon characters, including chapter one's co-star whom we also need a VA for! You can find out about more roles in the Discord server, or casting calls may come out as needed.