Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
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Happy pride month!! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ Sorry about not posting for so long! Been dealing with just general health and mental health stuff, but I really didn’t want to miss doing my annual toothless pride posts so here it is :)
Might not be posting as frequently as I used to here but there’ll probably be some scattered art here and there when I feel like making some
The flags in order from top to bottom: Rainbow, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Trans, Non Binary, Asexual, Aromantic, Genderfluid
I’ve also added all of these to my redbubble as prints and such, you can find them in the toothless pride collection there :)
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💚🏳️🌈🇲🇽 This pride month I want us to remember Jesús Ociel
[Plain text: This pride month I want us to remember Jesús Ociel]
Jesús Ociel Baena Saucedo (1984-2023) was the very first non-binary person in Latin America to become an electoral magistrate, being a member of the Electoral Tribunal of Aguascalientes in Mexico since October 2022. They also received the first birth certificate to have the sex registered as Non-Binary, a big achievement in the recognition of Non-Binary people.
Amongst other things, they defended trans youth, gay marriage, the fair hiring of LGBTQ+ people in the INE and overall pushed for a public acceptance and the stop of discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community. Jesús was known for going to work with high heels, makeup and their iconic fan with the rainbow flag, often carrying the non-binary flag too, and they fought to give visibility to non-binary people. They won the hearts of thousands.
They are considered a very important figure for the LGBTQ+ movement, specially in Latin America, as they fought very hard to defend the rights of it, both socially and politically.
They were found dead with their partner, Dorian Daniel Herrera, in the 13th of November of 2023 in Aguascalientes, in their home. The prosecutor’s office affirms it was due to a fight the two of them had, but many say it was a hate crime; the murder of activists are not too uncommon in Mexico, and even more considering their gender identity and sexuality. The ‘crime of passion’ judgement is also often put when the death of an LGBTQ+ person happens.
Either way, their death has sparked movements to punish hate crimes, and their figure remains as a symbol of hope for a better future. Mexico has a long way to go for LGBTQ acceptance, but their actions have pushed towards that goal and their memory continues to push forward. I recommend you investigate further about them if you have the time.
And in your fight for LGBTQ+ rights and your celebrations this pride month, please do not forget about Jesús Ociel.
“We are, we exist, we resist and we go for the spaces that by right correspond us and that historically have been denied to us.”
- Jesús Ociel Baena Saucedo
Descanse en paz, magistrade 💚 acá a usted no se le olvida
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give me ace characters who are unabashedly sexy and flirtatious.
give me aro characters who are emotional and clingy.
give me bi characters who can't even make eye contact with anyone, let alone flirt with them.
give me pan characters who are deadpan (haha get it) and have black cat energy.
give me non-binary characters who dress completely femme or masc, who don't “look non-binary”.
give me trans characters who don't completely pass as their gender but are still respected and not the butt of a joke.
fuck the stereotypes, give me more variety in queer representation.
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i really want to see genderqueer be an identity we talk about in great detail this pride month. genderqueer saw more usage in the 90s and 2000s, with the rise of the term non binary we've seen more people gravitate toward that label as it becomes the more socially accepted term to use given its notoriety. i would like to bring back alternative labels for this experience, since our diversity is what makes us so unique and strong as a community
genderqueer is an identity that has a long history, and a myriad of definitions and folks who express it in different ways. it really can mean whatever the hell you want. it can mean that you're cisgender but express your gender in a queer way. it can mean that you're trans, take hormones, have gotten top and bottom surgery and dress however you want. it can mean that you dress "normal" and pass as cishet but have a queer gender on the inside. it can mean that you combine masculine and feminine aesthetics. it can mean that you strive for gender neutrality. it can mean that you want to be so ambiguously gendered strangers can't tell who you are.
there's no guidelines or rules, genderqueer is an identity meant to embrace the freedom one can have with gender expression. it can mean as much or as little as the person using it wants it to. it's a beautiful term that is just as flexible as non binary, and i do not postulate to replace that term, but rather bring light to another identity that may suit folks slightly better. it's a beautiful identity. it's what I came out as first in 2011 and I'm happy to be back at all these years later.
2024 is a great year to be proud of being genderqueer and to proudly tell people about this part of yourself. let's celebrate ourselves louder and prouder than ever before. there are many ways to exist outside of the binary, and folks deserve to know about older terms that have been used by the community as well as newer ones
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