#nobody will read this i hope
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Okay, time to go and overshare online because that's a very healthy coping mechanism and also impeccable internet safety.
Soooo, I had this job as a student assistant for 2.5 years. I worked for a professor (lets call him Mr. J.) and we got along quite well and I am very sure I carried out my tasks very efficiently and well. He repeatedly told me so.
Last year in January I received an offer as a student assistant for a different project (with Mrs. S), and also a different Professor (Mrs. Y) asked me if I would be interested to be her PhD student after I finished my degree. I was overjoyed because I was extremely interested in Mrs. Y's work and had meant to ask her myself but couldn't muster the courage. As Mrs. S worked in the same field, it was clear I would take her job as well.
So I talked to Mr. J and told him I would take a second job and I would need to lower my work load with him from 40 h/month to 30. He was ... not happy. I remember him literally saying "If Y wants to throw her hat into the ring, who am I to stop her", and in what I considered to be honest career advice, he told me not to go into her field as it was not very promising for a university career atm.
Fast-forward to June: It became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to work 60 h/month while writing my Master thesis starting in September, so I went to Mr J. and told him I would need to quit in autumn. It made sense, because the project I worked on with S was very much adjacent to the topic I chose for my thesis. Again, J was not overjoyed to hear this and told me it was "hard to find good people", but I took that as a compliment.
I finished all my tasks in time and I spent several hours in September showing my successor how to take over from me.
I then wrote a long email to J, thanking him for the 2.5 years we had worked together and everything he had taught me - because it was true, he had been a good boss and I had learned a lot and I knew he had made sure to give me interesting tasks. He had even sent me to a work trip to Paris to do some research in some archives there. I appreciated that a lot and I told him (and I had told him before), and wroteI regretted that I had to leave the job, but that I had had a great time. I also asked him if he could write me a employer's reference as it was pretty much my first proper job.
I didn't expect a bouquet of flowers or anything, but I thought he might write back with something like "thanks for your work, good luck with your thesis". All I got back then was a one liner saying he would write the reference.
I already had the feeling back then that he was sulking, but I brushed the thought away as him being very busy. I met him once on the corridor since then, where he very obviously had no time for me. And today I got the employer's reference, 3 months after I had asked him to write one.
It was a generic text about the university, then a list of my tasks which I provided and then 2 paragraphs, of which the first one said also the very generic things about my work behaviour, including 2 typos, and the whole second paragraph was dedicated to how I quit the job because I got another attractive offer and how he regrettet to let me go.
And ... I get it. These things are always very gerenic and maybe I'm reading too much into it. But tbh reading this, I feel very bad, because I think the only effort he put into it was to make sure I knew he was not happy about me leaving, and also this sounds like I left on a whim, while I told him 4 months prior. I am also very disappointed because he never once said thank you or good bye to me, and - as a person who is generally not very sure of herself - I think this letter understates my actual performance. All the time I thought I was overinterpreting his behaviour, but now I think it's safe to say that he's offended. And I don't understand why. I was only his student assistant. I think I did my job very reliably, but at the end of the day it still was scanning books for his seminars and going to archives to take photos of documents for him. I did not betray him in any personal way. I don't see why he would react in such a way. (And I can't stop thinking about the "throwing the hat into the ring" comment. If he felt I should in any way be more loyal (???) to him and IF he had maybe thought of offering me a PhD position, he could have done it then and there. I can't read his thoughts. I am suffering from impostor syndrom anyway, I don't think anyone would willingly want to take me on for a doctorate.)
Anyway, I'm confused and hurt and I wrote him an email asking very nicely to correct the typos. Let's see if that takes him 3 more months.
#also I have covid rn so maybe i'm a bit too emotional#and I just realised by working more than 10 h/week i might have tapped into my time for the cursed Wissenschaftszeitvertragsgesetz#and nobody told me#but let's not jump to conclusions i'm upset enough#and I can't stop wondering if I ACTUALLY did something wrong#rant#nobody will read this i hope#back to my master thesis#personal thoughts#uni
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GIRLS NITE OUT >_< ((clockwork could not make it)) (wip)
#myart#idk what he’s doing here#this is a work in progress#but I’m gonna be on some island for four days so I wanted to post before I left#Ej is just there for the food#I think Jane and Nina + Ej could be a good friend group actually#very balanced#I hope Jane knows I have a Lamborghini ready for her#creepypasta#eyeless jack#jane the killer#nina the killer#jeff the killer#crp#horror#slenderman#ej#jtk#this is really half assed I’m going to be 100% honest#nobody reading this but the support on my store has been so nice and I love you all#ok bye <3#why is this preforming well#I want 2 delete this so bad 💀
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(With great affection) what a fuckass game
#devil may cry#dmc#dmc2#dante sparda#holding myself in a chokehold this is not about monster fucking u sick fuck#god I hope nobody actually checks the tags#just like how people on twitter can’t read captions
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please play a game together outside of the life series please please please please
#sorry i read that Martyn from earlier-#also /lh im not that obsessed and nobody go pressure them#renchanting duo#rendog#inthelittlewood#trafficblr#anyway i hope Ren’s in the next life series i think its best for everyone’s sanity#including mr littlewood’s#ghast.post
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Gently flickering, the incense stick ignites, barely more than a glow in the darkness, yet it spreads an unexpected warmth that drives away the cool evening breeze. Even before the Destined One, you had discovered the shrine in this labyrinth of snow. Carefully and almost reverently, he had then plucked a single hair, while you bowed your head in prayer. Now, the soothing fragrance drifts softly into the night, enveloping both of you.
Leaning closely together, you sit in this quiet, secluded corner of the world, accompanied only by the faint crackle of the burning incense. His arm rests heavy yet protective around your shoulders, his presence calming, like a silent promise of safety. It is a moment of rest, a pause before what still lies ahead. The thought of the journey fades, the longer you feel the warmth emanating from him and the shrine.
Slower, your breathing becomes, deeper, and before you know it, your eyes begin to close. Cradled in his arms, you find sleep in this precious stillness, as the world around you is gently wrapped in the peace of the night.
#x reader#black myth wukong#sun wukong#journey to the west#jttw#sun wukong x reader#lmk#something sweet#and cozy#comfort reading#hope nobody hates me because i wrote (and posted) something scary
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I like to think that when he's up late running tests and waiting on results, Bashir reads the stuffy Cardassian literature Garak keeps recommending him.
#and yes he is reading an actual book. paper books for life ok shh#star trek#star trek deep space nine#ds9#deep space nine#garashir#julian bashir#my art#I always struggle with anatomy and proportions but I hope this looks mostly ok#i tried a few new things here with color and texture#I also really enjoyed drawing him in pastel-ish shades he is so cute but wow shoulders are hard to draw#nobody is actually reading these tags but I keep using them like whole ass journal#if anyone is reading this you win a prize. or something
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let me take you guys on a journey. one that will help you understand how annoyingly obsessive and hung up my brain can get......
so here is where our wild goose chase starts. I was going through a 2012 f1 blog's nico tag. it's actually pretty rare for early 2010s blogs to have comprehensive tagging systems so whenever I find one I try to go thru it all. and I come across this v cute nico image (cropped for posterity. payoff will be worth it promise)
here we have a picture, from 2012, and in classic 2012 fashion there is meme text on it. OP of the original pic deactivated. so I want to find the version without the meme text. pretty easy, just reverse google search right?
WRONG!
google reverse search is functionally dead and defunct and absolutely dogshit.
ok back to square one. I'm trying to sus out from whatever information I have.
the other meme watermark of f1humour.tumblr.com? deactivated.
okay 37 notes. maybe I can do something with this.
tumblr kind of breaks (?) with very old posts. so even if someone tagged it, I can't see it. ok but 14 people liked it!
of the 14 accounts only 7 actually show, including mine. so what I do is I go through 6 of those blogs, and their public archives because those accounts are all inactive for several YEARS now. and I check their blogs for April 2012.
no luck.
back to the drawing board.
the meme has a MOTORSPORT.COM watermark.
here's all the information I have: this was posted on April 24th, 2012, which means that's my upper limit on the date this could be taken. Nico got in Mercedes in 2010. So from anywhere between 2010-2012 motorsport images couldve taken this pic.
so, because I was born with excessive intelligence, I think hmmm... let me search the archives of Motorsport Images dot com. surely that is where Motorsport dot com would keep their Images.
two years of a racing driver's pictures means thousands of pictures. okay. let's start from April 2012. unfortch for keen eyed listening, April 2012 was also the Chinese Grand Prix aka Nico's first f1 win.
why is that relevant? because it means every photographer and their MOTHER took a picture of nico for his first win. over 900+ images.
while I am exhibiting extremely unemployed levels of behavior here, I don't actually have the time and brain capacity to sift through 900 images.
I go back to the original tumblr post. this time I go to the empty reblogs. there's lots!
but because there's no tags it can't help me. still I go through every one of them because you can see the blog I found the pic from @the-fastest-waffle is listed in the other reblogs even though they clearly had tags!
and I find my silver lining. from @fuckyeahf1drivers's tags
just this simple. #bahrain #lol
if this picture is from bahrain 2012 it changes everything, as in it narrows my search a shit tonne.
375 images. This means 1-15 pages and I know the exact picture I'm looking for. I feel like I'm SO close. I can't give up now. gambler mentality 💎
so I guess what. I go through all 15 goddamn pages. and I DONT FIND IT!!!!!!!!! SCREEEEEECH
now I've lost hope. if it's not from bahrain 2012 then it can be from anywhere from 2010-2012 taken by motorsport.com which is just too big a search. there isn't anything I can narrow it down with. my search is futile.
but I have one tiny little thought bugging my mind. how come motorsport images don't have the motorsport.com watermark... so I consult a fellow archivist @vegasgrandprix on the matter.
WE AS A SOCIETY NEED TO ADDRESS WHY MOTORSPORT.COM AND MOTORSPORT IMAGES.COM HAVE THE SAME FONT
finally. finally
I go on motorsport.com
which is actually kind of not super user friendly interface finding their pics if you have excessive intelligence like I do. I go into this knowing if the bahrain 2012 long shot is actually NOT when that picture is from, I'm fucked.
I filter and say a prayer.
and lo and behold.
salvation.
one person's singular tag of 'bahrain 2012 lol' led me down this spiral, where if it wasn't for that bit of information this would be lost forever because finding the version of the pic without the meme text is otherwise near impossible. google reverse search is no help, and f1 drivers simply get photographed way too much. reblogs + tags with context literally are a holy grail. this is what I imagine archaeologists feel like. so if you ever want someone 12 years after you've posted something to go down finding out, tag your posts accordingly (assuming tumblr survives the next decade)
so why did I do it? why did I spend hours of my life on this? cause it's fun. it's like a mystery and it itches at my skin. many times I'm not successful which is why the times I am feels so rewarding because it feels almost like detective work, finding and refinding something, overturning evidence. and I have a brain that just functions Like This.
and now for the fruit of my labour, if you guys still want to see. the picture I spent hours to find the original version of. sitting proudly at the time of posting at 9 notes 😌😌 here's what goes behind actually finding and archiving 2010s retired f1 drivers online. click below!
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👆👆👆
#welcome to my dark twisted evil mind#if you read the whole thing... I hope u shared this journey with me. kiss!#the effort behind a stupid shitpost lol. this is what nobody sees#nico rosberg#Bahrain Grand Prix 2012#lore hunting
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Yuma Uchida be voicing every single gay depressed/angry character and serves every single time, I remember his voice as Ash Lynx's and when I try to watch another BL and I hear his voice I get flashbacks but I try my best and now he voices Hisashi in Twilight out of Focus (which is the only reason I read it and watched the episode) and the resemblence is crazyyy 😭😭😭 they didnt need to look exactly like Ash and Eiji but I'm thankful they did 'cause now we can be delulu and say they got their happy ending in another life
#tbh that manga left me SHOOK#nobody told me about *those* pannels#if it gets animated and they do the voice acting omg#but i kinda hope they wont animate that cus like#we have enough yaoi as it is we need normal romance between two normal boys#also the part where hisashi dated his teacher is sooo overlooked like#NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THAT I WATCHED A THOUSAND TIKTOKS BEFORE READING IT AND I WAS SO MAD#if you need tws for this you can message me because i havent seen anyone talking about some real important stuff#but its cute i love how they resemble ash and eiji lots of bl couples take inspiration from them and they ate every time#banana fish#asheiji#ash lynx#eiji okumura#ash x eiji#gay#lgbt#banana fish the stage#bananafish#anime#manga#bfish#eislan#tasogare outfocus#twilight out of focus
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Awe, Emps, I won't judge you for reading the trashy half-orc romance novel. I DO want to know if you read it BEFORE or AFTER meeting GG :3
Aight, so I don't believe I can reasonably answer that question, but! I can say that The Emperor definitely skimmed through the sparknotes version while rifling through Greygold's memory files during the guardian creation session. Worse off, The Emperor discovered that Greygold's introduction to fictional romance wasn't even from the original book. It was a passing-by parody puppet show.
Despite being the butt of the joke, seeing the half-orc puppet find somebody that genuinely cares about him and vice versa gave young impressionable Greygold that lil 'Oh shit that's possible?' realization. So lots impact. Much influence.
The Emperor did what it could with Greygold's nostalgia for the uh...Exaggerated unofficial source material .
#bg3 spoilers#greygold#the emperor bg3#Greygold keeps the whole 'cried over a puppet show' moment to their grave though. Nobody needs to know that.#I too was hoping to keep this dumb fact to the grave WELP-#Greygold read the source material after that; but not as seared-into-brain as puppet show. because. not a reader.#like watching the lord of the rings parody movie before reading the book. Big differences between character designs and characterizations.
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For writers:
What’s your favorite piece of writing you’ve done, and why??
Idk I just woke up thinking about this & now I’m curious!!! & may or may not be compiling a tbr based on your responses since I really haven’t had the time to read any hl fics yet🫶🫶🫶
#I don’t really have an answer bc I love all of my oneshots/fic equally💓💓💓#the latest oneshot I spent a month writing…my fic has been in the works almost a year now…#but I was thinking that the Imelda oneshot I wrote in still crazy about and I reread it and love it#but it’s not popular at all but I don’t even think about popularity/notes with these thinfs#like if *I* am satisfied and happy with it#that’s what matters and I write these things because it’s a fun hobby and I write to my tastes😆#and my fic is like my baby…my brainchild…I’m weaving such a crazy plot together and NOTHING has been revealed yet😭😆#but I’m excited for things to start coming together & I *hope* it’s satisfying#and the Ominis oneshot🤌🤌🤌 idk I like them all😆😆#but yeah I don’t talk with many writers on here bc I started out only posting my scribbles#I want to start reading more too!!!!!!!! and it’s funny bc I actually started out in this fandom writinf only#but months of posting to nobody I just have fun writing and sharing these things💓💓💓#ignore these hashtags I’m always so incoherent right when I wake up😆😆😆#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanfic#maybe even if you just read them but you have a favorite tell me why!!!!!
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my dealer: got some straight gas🔥😛 this strain is called The Bible 2✝️😳 you'll be zonked out of your gourd💯
me: yeah whatever. i don't feel shit
5 min later: dude i swear this cave we just climbed into has teeth at the entrance
my buddy, Cody, pacing: I think there’s a demon in my stomach
#AJJ#the Bible 2#i hope nobody has done this before#im Sure nobody will read this but I was the guy at the say anything show who was painted bright red with the dog shirt and demon horns.#That was me#i was the small red boy#This is my favorite AJJ album#I’m making a dating sim off of the albums
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ok i have avoided talking abt my datv thoughts but now ive finished and slept on it here it is. this is huge btw and really just a way to process my thoughts for my own peace of mind. and get out what i need to say. so yeah word salad below
2 disclaimers before i start. firstly i think im going to be SUPER blunt and clear about my thoughts on this post but then i will mostly be putting the matter to bed in my heart bc i am not someone who delights in being a hater nor do i take comfort in it. i will take from this the things i enjoyed and keep my distance from the rest. second disclaimer: ultimately i think i will still enjoy being a part of the fandom and seeing other people enjoy the game, because it will endear it to me and maybe take away the pain im feeling right now, so this isnt a long rant to make you feel bad about enjoying the game if you do like it! in fact quite the opposite. it comforts me that there are people who find value in the game and i hope in watching you play it i may be able to eventually be able to say the same
that being said . obviously i didnt like the game
which is an extremely difficult thing for me to say. i went into this game thinking "i will at the VERY least enjoy the game. not love it but at least like it. but im sure ill love it". it really is quite distressing for me that it didnt even really reach that bar for the most part. i TRIED to like it. i begged this game to give me ANY handhold at all that i could cling to, to forgive and like this game. i think the things i liked err more on the technical side. the graphics i loved, the character DESIGN was *fantastic*. the art. the pacing. the vague vision of what they were obviously nebulously aiming for. and honestly, i mostly enjoyed the main plot although i wish it had been more disciplined and constrained with the lore it was trying to expand on. act 3 was fantastic and naturally i am happy and fulfilled for the most part by the conclusion of solas's story, who i still believe was and is the best written "villain" of dragon age. sorry logang and meredith nation but i do still stand by this.
but thats really about it. as a disclaimer i am not an origins puritan or a da2 diehard or anything like that. i have loved (almost equally) EVERY single iteration of dragon age which has been released. i am one of the few people who sees equal value in inquisition and origins. i love them both so deeply. i couldnt pick between them.
for me what i love the MOST about dragon age - and which every single previous game has always nailed despite other flaws - is the characters. right under that is the world's capacity for introspection. and unfortunately nothing in this game provided that for me
regarding the characters: i do not care about a single one of them unfortunately. or at least i do not CARE about them the way that i have CARED about the other previous games companions. companions i would write banter about !!! just for fun when i was bored!!!! i would say my only exception is harding, but even then i care about her only because i care about her due to inquisition. overall i just found them all so ..... shallow. and devoid of any of the conflict or nuance or ethical quandries that make biowares stories so compelling - and sure, usually controversial! i would give ANYTHING for this game to have been controversial. for a unforgivable RO, or a problematic fave, or a cancelled wife. did bioware forget that their most beloved or at least enjoyed characters are people like anders, merrill, mordin solus, blackwall, sten, loghain, SOLAS??? i dont understand HOW they could have forgotten that, because solas is literally right there in game and handled (in my opinion as a fan) well. love him or hate him or dont care about him, he is such a hallmark of great bioware writing (in dai if nothing else) - characters who are not EASY to like. characters who are not SAFE to write and who WILL generate criticism from all sides because they are written boldly and unapologetically, strengthened by a foundation of consistent ideals, clear objectives and beautiful faults. characters that do not NEED you to like them, but instead invite you to engage with them critically. solas, even to someone who hates him, is nuanced and morally complex enough to muse and fight over for 10 whole years. hes IN this game, just as ethically murky as ever, but the morally grey hallmark of biowares writing really does kind of live and die with him alone. the rest of the companions feel like they barely made it out of their concept phase. what are lucanis's flaws??? genuinely asking. other than being a murderer who exists in an organization which buys and trains literal child slaves of course, but i'll get to that in a sec (because bioware sure as fuck didnt). um, i guess you could say hes broody?? and emmrich too. what actual flaws does he have?? he has a fear of death, as we're TOLD, but it does not really reflect in the overall convesations we have with him over the course of the game. mostly hes just.... a little bumbling i guess. bellara's flaw is being a scatterbrain. harding's is that shes..... angry??? but shes not???? fucking come on. i really felt the lack of actually being able to TALK to these people at the end of act 2, when i realized i still felt like i havent really MET any of them. and yet here rook is talking about found family and being a team. ok
and then there are the romances. which from my perspective - having romanced taash - and my friends who have romanced lucanis, neve and davrin..... WHAT romances. davrin's full romance is 20 minutes in a 30 PLUS HOUR GAME. solas had the least amount of content out of any companion in inquisition and was a last minute unintentional RO and still had like easily 50 minutes of content. so why did these romances feel like nothing. actually nothing. i was so excited for taash, but their romance straight up felt like neither rook nor taash even wanted to be there. i forgot they were technically together at certain points. zero chemistry. zero intimacy. all TELLING zero SHOWING. if you had told me that i would be saying these sorts of things about a writer like trick weekes a month ago i would call you fucking crazy to your face. i cannot reconcile that taash was written by the same person who wrote solas. i cannot reconcile that mary kirby - who wrote the fucking chant of light - wrote lucanis. its so dire. its devastating actually.
lastly i want to talk about my other point - bioware's famed emphasis on introspection and ethically quandries. again, i'm genuinely experiencing a sense of profound whiplash because when it comes solas's character you can still see it. its still there. they actually doubled down on making him worse than he was in trespasser which i LOVED and thought was so incredibly promising. they could have caved to solavellan fans and uwu-ified him but they didnt. thats great.
but where was that energy for literally anything else. everything has been defanged - even minrathous, the capital of the tevinter slave trade, does not even ADDRESS the elephant in the room of slavery. and i know because i played a shadow dragon. so tell me why i as a shadow dragon am happily allied with the crows, who solely exist to assassinate politicians and BUY SLAVES. THEY BUY SLAVES. THEY BUY SLAVES AS CHILDREN AND TRAIN/TORTURE THEM TO MURDER. HELLO??????????? there is no commentary made about the mages/templars. there is no discussion of the treatment of the elves in the north or Anywhere. there is no discussion of why exactly blood magic is or isnt acceptable - they simply tell us its bad. all the theories of the last 10 years were answered with handwaved comments or bare bones codex entries that honestly stripped so much nuance away from so many things (the blight, my BELOVED) that i dont know how im going to go about fixing it or making it right in my head. the introspective nature of dragon age always went hand in hand with player choice, but there really WAS no choice in this game as so there IS no real capacity for other interpretations or schools of thought. it is so..........................bleak.
i think the thing that finally made it click in my head that this game had fundamentally let me down was the gloom howler quest. and i know im not alone on this. for those of you who dont know - the gloom howler, "isseya" was the protagonist of the dragon age novel "the last flight". i would HIGHLY recommend you read it, especially if you're an origins fan. super bleak, super political, not flashy at all in terms of magic. it was set 500 years pre origins, during the 3rd blight. isseya is very similar to characters like loghain and solas in a way - a richly complex, beautifully intricate, terribly thought provoking character who did HORRIFIC things for the most NOBLE reason you could imagine, under the most traumatic of circumstances. im tearing up just thinking about her story, and how the title "the LAST flight" foreshadowed that her story had a definitive, bittersweet, finite and peaceful ending.
and then this game did THAT to her. turned her into a grotesque caricature of what she was. stripping her of her nuance and her capacity for atonement or forgiveness. and once again, i do not fucking get it. she was obviously brought back because she is a parallel to the solas dilemma. so WHY is she not afforded the same opportunity for empathy that he is. why is bellara's brother not either. its insane. its literally insane. i cannot begin to imagine the oversight or laziness or WHATEVER IT WAS that occured to have this game turn out this way.
there are innumerable other problems with the game that im not going to get into because what ive said above is the main crux of my problem. introspective and character. those are all i really wanted from this game, and like..... i thought we would get that. because the game centered around solas. and i know people dislike his fans for very fair reasons, but i hope those who know me know that i enjoy him not because hes hot (he is though) but because he is terrible. i love him because they made a character who was TERRIBLE, and then gave you the task of using your head and refelcting on your own morality and values and deciding and arguing and meditating over whether he is worth loving anyway. to me, solas is the person i point to when i want to describe why i love dragon age. its complicated, its nuanced, it is terrible and wonderful and everything in between depending on the angle you look at it from. and so having the writer of a character like THAT in charge of the whole game filled me with hope and dissuaded so many of my fears for this game. but i was wrong apparently.
so now im left with a feeling akin to survivors guilt. genuinely. because at the VERY least, despite me saying all of these negative things, i at least finished the game crying happy tears and being overjoyed that my favourite character was handled well and got an ending i enjoyed. and yet that happiness *i* got to feel and that glimmer of good writing was paid for at the expense of literally everything else. i feel almost personally responsible in a way, which sucks. im sorry to all the people who did not enjoy or care about solas, im sorry that you really did get nothing out of this game. i hope we can all be comforted by the trilogy we have and will always have, and i hope we can all take what good parts we enjoyed out of veilguard and make peace with the rest
leaving this youtube comment my friend sent me which is unfortunately a summary of how i feel about the game as a whole.
#tay plays datv#datv#datv spoilers#datv critical#nobody needs to read this but fgdjkfgjk if you do#i hope it is clear that i write from a perspective of profound love for this series and all its characters.
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Back in late 2022, I started working on a long story about Ishin: a tale of two dummies whose weird one-night stand blossoms into a surprisingly caring relationship even as a (mostly) canon-compliant series of tragedies plays out around them. It’s a now-complete series in approximately 125,000 words and three parts, and you can read the whole thing right now on AO3: The Glorious and Bloody Deeds of Okita Soji, Volume 1: Okita Soji Versus the Scoundrel Saito Hajime; The Secret History of Saito Hajime, Volume 2: The Shiraume Incident; and, finally, Brief Notes on the Domestic Life of one Saito Hajime.
Taken as a whole, it's a story about identity and history and the stories that people tell each other and themselves about those things. And it's a story about one guy getting way too into weird Edo-era egg dishes, and another guy finding himself embroiled in an extended detective sequence, and a third guy composing a series of corny haiku that (almost) nobody wants to read. And, of course, it's also a story about people who are shamelessly and sometimes explicitly in love (so you probably shouldn't read it at work).
This whole big, sprawling thing has been a labour of love on my part: it turns out that I adore writing historical fiction and finding excuses to read books and journal articles in order to write it better. In addition to making not one but four little illustrations to celebrate the fic's completion (and please look at them up-close; I hand-inked all those kimono patterns), I've drawn up a list of some of the sources that I consulted for my writing, and you can find those under the cut.
This is not an absolutely exhaustive list of sources; I don’t think it’s super useful to catalogue the extremely nitty-gritty stuff, like that time that I felt compelled to find out what the state of strawberry cultivation was in 1860s Japan, or when I needed to picture exactly what it looked like when Haruka was repairing Ryoma’s kimono. That being said, I’ve added a couple of things that are really particular to my stories but that I thought were cool enough to share.
Foster, Michael Dylan. The Book of Yokai: Mysterious Creatures of Japanese Folklore. U of California P, 2015. (This one was a really fun read – it combines a short history of yokai in folklore with a little catalogue of yokai.)
Jansen, Marius B. Sakamoto Ryoma and the Meiji Restoration. Stanford UP, 1971. (Super useful as an introduction to the Bakumatsu era and for biographical details about Ryoma and the figures around him.)
“Japanese Wiki Corpus.” https://www.japanesewiki.com/. (This is a machine-translated collection of articles on the Japanese side of Wikipedia related to Kyoto. As with a lot of things on Wikipedia, the citations on these articles tend to be poor or nonexistent, but it’s a useful starting point for information on figures and events that don’t have an English wiki equivalent. Definitely more useful if you can then head over to the original wiki articles and parse them out yourself.)
“Kabuki21” and “The Noh.” https://www.kabuki21.com/section.php, https://www.the-noh.com/en/plays/index.html. (I’m lumping these two together because I tended to consult them in tandem. Without getting too much into my personal details I am – among other things – a non-practicing theatre scholar, so whenever I wanted to have characters in my old-timey fics refer to something cultural, my first stop was old plays. These sites have, respectively, summaries of kabuki plays and full texts of Noh plays available for you to browse. If you’ve read my other fics you will probably have seen that I referred to the kabuki play “Fuwa” in 亀が如く.)
Katsu, Kokichi. Musui’s Story: The Autobiography of a Tokugawa Samurai. Translated by Teruko Craig. U of Arizona P, 1988. (A book that needs to be taken with a grain of salt because it’s an autobiography written by a guy who sounds like a real blowhard, but it’s still a really fascinating look into the daily life of a low-ranking samurai.)
Leupp, Gary P. and Tao, De-min. The Tokugawa World. Routledge, 2022. (Of particular interest is Kimura Sachihiko’s essay, “The Shinsengumi: Shadows and light in the last days of the Tokugawa shogunate” [1104-1124], which gave me a bunch of incidental details about the Roshigumi that I incorporated into the sections of this series that were told from Inoue and Hijikata’s perspectives.)
“Old Photos of Japan.” https://www.oldphotosjapan.com/. (Pretty self-explanatory. Very useful as a resource for picturing scenes!)
“Shinsengumi Archives.” https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/. (A long-running tumblr dedicated to cataloguing resources about the Shinsengumi. There’s an absolute wealth of information collected here, and best of all, the creator cites their sources and even provides links to the original texts. Although it’s focused on the Shinsengumi, it’s impossible to overstate how useful this site is for prospective Bakumatsu-era fic writers in general. The collection of Hijikata’s poems with links to others’ translations and commentary is here: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/683071924948058112/hijikata-toshizos-haiku-poems. The creator of the blog also links to a translation of Nagakura’s and Shimada’s diaries, and while the document is machine-translated, it’s still a great source of historical details: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/678083336614428672/where-can-you-read-the-memoirs.)
Smits, Gregory. “Warding off Calamity in Japan: A Comparison of the 1855 Catfish Prints and the 1862 Measles Prints.” EASTM 30 (2009): 9-31. (Okay, this one is highly specific to my fic – it comes up in Part 2 when Okita tells his story about Kashima and again a couple of chapters later when his pile of remedies includes a crudely-drawn picture meant to ward off indigestion – but I love little details like this so I did want to make a point of sharing it here.)
“Tamago Hyakuchin” and “Tofu Hyakuchin.” http://codh.rois.ac.jp/edo-cooking/tamago-hyakuchin/recipe/, https://toyama-tofu.jp/tofuhyakutin.html. (These are collections of Edo-era egg- and tofu-based recipes. They’re two of the sources cited in Cookpad’s collection of modernized Edo-era recipes: https://cookpad.com/recipe/list/14604664.)
Vaporis, Constantine N. “Linking the Realm: The Gokaido Highway Network in Early Modern Japan (1603-1868).” Highways, Byways and Road Systems in the Pre-Modern World. Ed. Susan E. Alcock, John Bodel, and Richard J. A. Talbert. Wiley-Blackwell, 2012. 90-105. (Some of the works cited in this article also sound interesting, but I didn’t have a chance to dig any deeper as I just wanted to know a bit about the Tokugawa-era roads. Also interesting in this vein is Jilly Traganou’s book The Tokaido Road: Travelling and Representation in Edo and Meiji Japan [2004].)
Wert, Michael. Meiji Restoration Losers. Harvard UP, 2013. (Not directly useful as a source for writing about Ishin – it’s about later events and it mostly tracks the posthumous construction of one specific Tokugawa magistrate’s history – but it was an engaging read and I found it interesting as an exploration of how people continue to look back on the Bakumatsu era and the Meiji Restoration, which is something that the game is, of course, also doing.)
Yamakawa, Kikue. Women of the Mito Domain: Recollections of Samurai Family Life. Translated by Kate Wildman Nakai. U of Tokyo P, 1992. (Another one of those bits of essential reading on everyday life for low-ranking samurai, this time with a focus on women’s lives and households more generally. I didn’t use a lot of from this book in my fic, but it has everything from translations of songs to records of families’ financial transactions, and it’s fascinating to read about all the turmoil in Mito playing out in the background of these families’ lives.)
“Yokai.com.” https://yokai.com/. (The creators of this site make a point of not going into detail about their sources, and they’re very careful to state that they don’t intend for the project to be “the final authority” on yokai, but I enjoyed browsing the site to get some ideas for Okita’s stories – and once you know the name of a particular yokai that you’re interested in, it’s easy enough to go look up other sources on them.)
#like a dragon ishin#crime boys#my art#I know I said I was going to turn my attention to the mainline games after wrapping this series up but#what if I just never got off the ishin train#I mean there's pretty much nobody writing ishin fic at this point and I can't figure out why#it almost feels like I have a duty#anyway I hope if you read this fic you also find yourself thinking about my extremely cringe ishin rarepair
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nyalon
#talon LOVES eye contact...originally it was power move thing to intimidate others but now its also more he#doesn't like to really Share much about his status or feelings or anything so he'll stare at you hoping you can read his mind thru his eyes#i like to think that smunker and al ''decode it'' eventually ykwim#not realistic at all but more like how in the venture bros the venture family can all understand H.E.L.P.E.R even tho he just Beeps#talkys#oc text#maybe only in silly context though bc its part of talon's plight that he cant get help if nobody know's whats wrong#qnd he struggles so much to share it#talon
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i need planetf1 to keep daniel's name out of their mouths like he's not done ANYTHING and they feel the need to make some content by speculating on cadillac possibly signing him and getting him a bunch of hate comments. why would you do that. is he the only one keeping the lights on there?
fuck f1 media tbh. he's free from this, stop trying to drag him back to further ur own engagement
#daniel ricciardo#if i have to read another comment by some nobody demanding two rookies in a team#dumbfucks thinking they know daniel just from his mclaren stint#like he's never been great at feedback#i hope cadillac very publicly courts daniel#i want eggs on all of their faces
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I think if Blade ever does send a text directly it should be a single sentence of the most basic kind, and then it never happens again.
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr blade#hsr stelle#stelle seems pretty casual blowing up the stellaron hunters' phones by now#though she seems to text silver wolf the most casually#can't get an answer to that funny meme she found? time to try all the other phones#i do think blade never texting is a pretty fun thing so i don't want to create too many texts from him#but since boothill showed that speech to text exists as a function#i want to hope this could happen#exactly once#just to show that he knows how to do it#and then never again#because he's an old man and why would he bother when everyone else already answers all the texts he gets for him anyway#silver wolf a few hours later still from blade's phone: nobody will ever believe you#stelle who already took five screenshots and saved them in three separate cloud storages: bet#ray's records#this is the other one i made#i don't think i'll make blade ones after this or it'll be rare ones and with the other stellaron hunters only#but i really think he doesn't really text#speech to text if he really needs to get a message out#but otherwise he just reads what other people send him#or he calls#texting with those hands is too hard#speech to text is a hassle he doesn't usually bother with#grandpa and the plain black case of his work phone
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