#nobody is asking for these I'm drawing them for myself (and sharing with the world. someone might want to see idk)

[arttsuka]

Another one...

[jojo-schmo]

hi jojo! im just wondering but ive been wanting to make a comic for a little while but im not too sure where to start 😅. i really love your style of art and your forgotten land roleswap, and i was wondering if you had any tips for beginners?

Hello, hello! Thank you for enjoying my Forgotten Land Roleswap comic, it means a lot! <3

I'm very honored that people have been asking me for tips and advice. All of this is coming from a hobbyist who draws these comics purely for fun outside of my regular day job. Some of my methods would probably deal psychic damage to a professional, LOL. But I'm more than happy to share some things I've personally learned! :)

First of all, the book, "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud ROCKS. It literally gave me a new dimension to understand the medium of comics and how it presents ideas and emotions to readers! And I haven't even had the chance to finish it all the way! I'm very happy I own a copy and I recommend having one of your own if you can, but it's archived here if you want to read it :D

I also like analyzing other comics and thinking about how they get information across to me as a reader. It's helped me learn more effective ways to visually tell a story, like what to include in a frame, how zooming in or out affects the feeling from the panel, maybe building a scene by focusing on other stuff if someone is talking a lot... etc.

ANYWAYS-! Some other tips I've learned through my personal experience-

I had to overcome a lot of negative self-talk in order to tackle a huge comic project like this and stay committed. I was a pretty severe self-deprecator for most of my life so far, and getting help has allowed me to catch myself when I'm slipping back into those habits, look in the mirror, and go, "NO, JOJO! You pour your heart into what you make and that is a wonderful thing! You are appreciated and loved and you deserve to have fun making something you are passionate about!!" Some examples of the negative self-talk I catch myself in....

"I'm a noob at writing and making a story interesting... What's the point of even trying?"

When it comes to starting a project, whether it's 2 pages or 2000 pages, is to just jump in and start! It's okay to be a little insecure or nervous about your technical art skills, writing skills, etc... But writing a "bad" scene is better than no scene- because you can always edit a "bad" scene down the line, but what can you do with nothing? Nothing!! I also put "bad" in quotation marks because I am trying to use that term less, and instead call them "early drafts." or "works in progress."

The first Roleswap scene I fleshed-out was the first Bandee boss fight, in May 2022. I made this drawing on an impulse, getting my ideas down on the page without thinking about the technical stuff like comic panel borders. I consider it like a "pilot episode" almost, haha. The final project is going to be very different from how things play out here. But it got me interested in the concept and excited to see where I could take it, and I made the decision to commit to an entire game plot's worth of AU comics!!

Also, what's the point in trying you ask? The point is to have fun! Making a fan comic in my free time means I don't have restrictions like deadlines, nobody's telling me what I can and can't write, and I can make the story as long or as short as I want! I have full control, which means the world I'm writing is all mine to create! Yes, with a fan comic there is a pre-established world with existing characters. But a universe like Kirby has enough open-ended concepts for people to take basic concepts in the world and take them to whole new levels! I think that's why there are so many amazing fan interpretations of Kirby characters and OCs. The rules are so vague, you can just make up your own a lot of the time!! And it's a wonderful exercise to learn skills for someday building an original world with all original characters from scratch! Magical!!!

"I'm not good enough to make a comic. I don't understand perspective or color and other stuff. Anything I make will look bad.

I once read a two panel comic on here. I can't find it anymore but I remember most of it. First panel showed the artist looking at what they're drawing on their tablet, looking defeated and sad. "Man, I don't even know how to draw this....."The next panel was like them smiling and shrugging, I think rainbows and sparkles were coming out of their tablet, ".....I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DRAW IT SHITTY!! :D "

IF ANYONE KNOWS THIS COMIC I'M REFERENCING, PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL LINK IT!!! Because it permanently and positively changed my brain chemistry.

No kidding, making the decision to just do my best even if it's not perfect, helped me a LOT. I was always waiting to "reach a certain level" to tackle a huge project because I felt like I'd never do it justice at my current state. Except I had been telling myself that kind of stuff for years and I still didn't start any projects!!

So the day I said, "Oh well! If I draw backgrounds shitty, then it is what it is! I'll learn from it and draw the next background a little better," Was the day I could commit fully to the project. I'll keep studying how to draw them better for my own benefit, but I won't let my skill issues stop me from even trying!

And for my limited confidence in full-color art, I solved that by making the comic in black and white with no-to-minimal shading lolol. Because I can only address one skill issue at a time before it takes me 25 years to finish this HAHAHA.

It saves a BUNCH of time to work with skill issues rather than against them! Because at least experience is gained in other ways, and who knows, maybe that new knowledge will help address the skill issues someday! So identifying your personal skill issues and deciding which one to try to grow stronger, and which one to work around, could help with big projects!

"Nobody will read this. I'm going to put months or years of my life into a dumb little thing nobody will even care about."

Learning how to draw for my own enjoyment instead of somebody else's was one of the biggest breakthroughs I ever made. Enjoying the feeling of being challenged artistically and just doing my best, even if it's not technically perfect, is the reason why I was even able to start this!

And just because someone doesn't directly like, comment or whatever on a post doesn't mean nobody saw it! I used to get really down on myself for the lack of engagement on my art on other websites.

I was a lurker for pretty much my entire teenage years and never posted my own stuff or commented much. But that didn't take away the fact that I really enjoyed the things I saw online. Those positive feelings were real to me, even when I didn't know how to articulate it in words. Granted, I grew up into a Words of Affirmation main, and I use words to tell people the positive things I think about them as much as I can! But I know not everyone prefers words to express themselves. So I think about the people that I don't know enjoy my work- that just because I don't see it doesn't mean I didn't make a positive impact on someone by sharing my stories.

THIS IS GETTING LONG-- UHHH, STORY TIPS!!

If you work best on technology, start building the story in a Notes app, or a Google Doc! If you work best with pen and paper, start a notebook and rearrange stuff as you need to!

Or if you're chaotic like me, a mix of tech and paper!! I bought a notebook with ring binding so I can remove and rearrange pages of drafts as much as I wanted to! Like here's two very rough concept pages of one Chapter 1 scene made months apart.

I'd say planning out the biggest basic plot points and then filling in between as I went was most helpful! I also have separate notes for character motivations, important story-changing events, etc... So I can have my own reference when I'm writing new scenes!

Okay this was a lot, sorry about the yapping! Hopefully it helps even a tiny bit. If you have any specific questions I'm happy to talk about my experience in the creation process! Or elaborate on anything I said above.

And finally, because I'm not a professional there are probably plenty of other tactics that could work better for some people. My ADHD probably doesn't help with the chaos of my process either, HAHA. But thank you for reading this far and enjoying the peek into the rainbow glitter and soap bubbles that inhabit the right side of my brain, heehee.

[bcacstuff]

Why have you decided to stay so quiet? Is it because you said there was no woman in the taxi when there was, or because you thought he was with Vikey when he wasn’t? We all make mistakes, and overall, you’ve done well. But staying quiet and letting others think they were right in their “fancy world” isn’t the best approach. Now, your blog is mostly just re-sharing Sam’s posts. Ultimately, it’s up to you what to do with your own blog.

Anons keep on nagging about this, I don't know what the big deal here is or why we have to go on about it at all.

No, I didn't see the woman when I posted the video. But I also didn't say there was no woman. All I said in a comment was that I saw him arriving alone, and that is still what I see.

I also posted the convo on Twitter, which confirms there was a woman in the car. It doesn't say the woman got out, it doesn't say it is a gf or anything. The Twitter account removed the video and post and is even now private. We don't have to have any doubts as to why that happened. (I just have to watch my inbox all week and I know enough).

There was no woman named Vikey, nor Vickey at play here, I told you about that. People with all the theories that start with 'but'... go ahead if you want to think otherwise, not me encouraging you and not me endorsing this.

I don't think I made any mistakes in this, the people naming women and having all kind of theories about who or what or in what compassion... are making the mistakes here imo. My simple conclusion was and still is, a woman is in the car, we don't know if she got out of the car, the video is cut at that point.

There was one Anon who mentioned something, most people probably didn't notice, which I think could have some merit. Anon observing how the passenger tried to get out of the car on the other side, but then another car passes. It is possible that the cab driver said something, then S, who first made a gesture as if he wanted to close the door, looked inside and we can see something what looks like the passenger moving towards the side where S got out of the car. But there it all stops, the video is cut. Only the people standing in front of the bar will know if the woman got out of the car or not.

It's far to unclear to identify the women, other than dark hair we see nothing and it is very vague. So it's pointless to have an opinion about it. My opinion is as good as anybody's and actual I didn't even bother to draw conclusions or have an opinion about it.

If you're not happy with a blog that doesn't make up any stories, just to entertain you, I'm sorry. My blog is about facts we see, not about things we don't see. If there is nothing happening, nothing can be reported. Simple as that.

People are free to discuss things, we can speculate now and then as long as it is in a respectful way, I don't have to agree with them, nobody has to agree with me. It's all just a tv show and some actors at the end of the day.

Well, that's all I have to say about this, which to me is such a non-issue. I'm rolling my eyes at every Anon about it asking myself why on earth is this such a big deal. Needless to say this will absolutely be my last word on it.

[valarioncy]

Let's Talk About the Hollow Fandom (and dead fandoms in general)

Hello, The Hollow fandom. This is Cyrokin. I'm sure you all don't need to be told that our fandom is kinda lowkey dead. Activity is hard to come by. I'm one of the senior members of the fandom myself, but I don't get any more activity on my posts than anyone else does.

Look, we can #save the hollow and tell Netflix all day how much we want our show back. But we don't exactly have the fandom to back our wishes. If we want more the Hollow, we've gotta make it ourselves. Fan art, fanfiction, fan animations, fan comics. There are SO MANY fanworks in this fandom left unfinished. Unstarted, even. And it's a crying shame because you guuuuys we have so much potential!

We're a creative bunch! We're an odd bunch! We love what has been broadly cast aside as average! We are a fandom with untapped potential, loving a show full of similar untapped potential! Let's explore that! It'll be fun!

How do fandoms become dead? Fandoms die when fans stop creating, yes. But more importantly, they die when fans stop engaging with what is created. Fans can do their own thing and create stuff all day. But when nobody seems to care, it's discouraging. Eventually some people just give up.

Fandoms aren't corporate machines that pump out products and content to be consumed. Fandoms are made of people sharing love for their favorite characters and stories. Fandom is built on community. When the community dies, the fandom and any interest in it dies too.

So, Hollowers, I implore you all. Those of us who remain. PLEASE, support rather than tear down your fellow fans. Engage with them when they ask for engagement. Like their posts, reblog their posts, share your own creative works. Hell, the fanworks you like the most? Make fanworks for that too.

Please, for the love of fandom, NORMALIZE making fanworks for fanworks. Draw fanart of AUs you like. Write stories set in someone else's AU. If it inspires you, make something with it! This should not be a taboo!

Support your dead fandom, because the few of us that are here, we are all we've got. The Hollow can live, but it's gotta live through us. Netflix failed us. We can't fail us. We've gotta build the world we wanna live in. And if we want a thriving fandom, we've gotta make it ourselves.

-Cy

[nvuy]

your writing style is a dream of mine, and the pacing & humor in your fics are some of the many reasons i decided to follow you !

i'm trying to write fanfics myself & potentially even run a writing blog! could you share a few writing tips?

you are so cute.

i’ll let you in on a secret: i started actually publishing my fics in 2020, but i since abandoned them because they’re embarrassing. however, here’s one as a starting point. i look back at it and cringe A LOT, but it was my foot in the door, and 15 year old me was very proud of it, so i didn’t want to straight up delete it.

i didn’t start out on tumblr because i get nervous being forced to interact with people because im a pretty abrupt person and i talk about the things that i like too much and im aware that can scare people away. it was about halfway thru writing old habits before i actually posted something. that was this and i posted it because i knew what little audience i had knew ME because i wrote a scaramouche fic. so. scaramouche content.

and because of the tumblr tagging system, people saw it, they liked it, and some people wanted more.

i then interacted with other writers slowly even though i was scared and frankly still am. you dont have to go around asking to be moots or spamming hearts left and right and putting their dicks in ur mouth, but being nice and having a scope around on what other people do on here helped me develop this ugly little blog i have.

i got really into hsr so i write a lot of hsr. i get a lot of people that ask if i could write more genshin impact, and i could, but at the end of the day, it’s my blog, and if i dont want to, i dont have to. i lost interest, so i dont really have to care about it, nor pay it any mind. do i still write it? sure! rarely, but i do. i don’t play wuwa anymore, but im down to write a piece or two if i get an idea, etc etc.

another thing is: don’t write in the hopes that you’ll post it on tumblr. same way i don’t think artists should draw just for the sake of posting. i have so much shit laying on various docs that won’t even be shown on this site, because it doesn’t need to be here. not because it’s bad, or it’s weird, but because i don’t have to post it, because it’s my blog.

the thing is you just be yourself and write whatever the fuck you want. i write horror & weird shit; my audience is probably well aware of that by now, and im not really worried to post anything super weird because its sort of what’s expected of me.

i know horror and romantic cannibalism connotations and yanderes and unsubtle sexy threats is not everyone’s thing, and that’s ok! they don’t have to like what i put out, and i don’t worry about it, because people who like your shit will interact, and people who don’t will not. and people that don’t like ur shit and still interact are losers. hit the block button & move on.

someone is always bound to like your works.

i guess the ‘funny’ comes from the fact that i try to write dialogue how real people would speak. in fictional context, someone like kaedehara kazuha could wax poetry for three hours without stuttering in game, but realistically, nobody can probably do that without pauses, stammers, messing up words, etc. so i try to incorporate a sense of realism into everything, even if it’s a fanfiction in a world where a small boy in white tights is a god and everyone gets tiny little orbs that give them magical elemental powers.

i remember that even though these characters are fictional, i write them as though they could potentially be real people that do things real people do: fidget, stutter, blush, try and be funny and fail, they have problems large or small, etc. you have to mould your personality and writing style to make these characters alive on what you put out—childe seems like a great husband on paper, but is he all that good when he has unchecked mental health problems and has violent outbursts and desires? think about it.

another thing: don’t doubt your skill and prowess, especially in comparing yourself to posts with like 10000+ notes. most of them are note farming bullshit anyway—and a lot of the reader community is more likely to click on porn fics than normal fics. its why the popular posts on the x reader tags are usually porn. it’s half the reason why confiteor is infinitely more popular that old habits when im pretty sure scaramouche is a bigger character on the popularity charts.

strictly nsfw blogs that people make i can guarantee you are a lot more popular than their main blogs.

which brings me to: dont hop on trends. don’t do it. youll burn yourself out. just write what you want. fuck everyone. do whatever the fuck you want. if porn is popular but you’re extremely sex-repulsed or not comfortable, don’t write it. dont write to please people; it’s your blog and your time you’re putting into to do what YOU like, and you’re sharing your work for FREE on a public platform. a lot of people can’t do that. there’s people that follow my blog that openly admit they don’t like yandere/horror/whatever content. am i going to change what i post because of these people? no. not my problem. don’t care. i don’t exist to please everyone, and neither do you. stick to what you like.

don’t write for fandoms you don’t give a shit about just because they’re popular. even if what you like has a small, non-existent fan base, i promise you’ll enjoy writing for that more than something that you’re creating for clicks. notes are nice, but again, you don’t have to post everything you create. half the joy in writing is rediscovering old shit you don’t remember writing for a fandom you actually like. it’s like a reward.

[starlitplayground]

i think one of the biggest heartbreaks for authors, or at least me, is having so many ideas that you truly think your community would enjoy, and then not be able to put it into words- whether that be from lack of motivation or writers block/paralysis.

its the same with drawing, as well.

now, im gonna preface this with, i am autistic and not the best at conveying my thoughts sometimes. its odd for me to reach out to the internet like this- especially to connect with fandom micro-celebrities with my 'personal' problems-, and it's gonna be a little bit more aimed towards myself and my struggles. but, i'm positive that i'm not alone in this.

i just have all of these ideas, but so little motivation to do them even though i want to. i want to create these pieces of art, but i'm realizing that that lack of interaction (comments, reblogs, kudos) discourages me- as it did in the past, causing me to abandon ideas that i wanted to share, because nobody wanted them.

its hard, but i know i'm not the only one who feels like this, so i guess this is me reaching out to the creative community. even if it seems self-indulgent, i just want to actually reach people with similar interests as me, who actually want to conversate and connect through them. who knows; maybe that's asking too much, and i'd understand if it is.

i'm far from new to writing fanfiction, but only once was i able to actually gain traction on something- a oneshot book i uploaded to wattpad in 2017, when i was 14. while it was okay back then, my writing has improved so much since then and i think my fear of not reaching an actual, targeted audience is holding me back waaaay more than i realized when i got back into writing a little over a year ago.

since then, i've started three different fanfictions that ended up thrown away and unfinished. it sucks.

this has kind of turned into an unintentional rant, but it's also a question to the successful authors, if you've made it this far- and i so greatly appreciate if you have.

those of you who have created their own community based off of the love of your work and the worlds you conjure; how did you do it?

i know thats probably not a very definitive question, nor in depth, but i just don't know if i can bring myself to continue the things that ive started without knowing that people will find enjoyment in it. it just doesn't feel the same when i write for myself and have nobody to talk to about it, if that makes sense.

just feeling a little lost in it all, i guess. thank you for reading this far, and please note that any opinions and thoughts are welcomed. ♡

[ebi-noodle-doodles]

I think that last anon was incredibly rude and very, very suspicious. I'm also a fat person, and I think your art is just fine the way it is.

This anon accuses you of having a fat fetish for using peach to shade, doesn't give you the name of the artist they think you're emulating, and then tell you (not asking politely, on your own blog where they are a guest, TELL) you to put body hair on Miku.

Not to mention, why are they recognizing a style from a fat fetish artist if they aren't on the fat fetish side of twitter themselves, enough to have picked up on this supposed artist's style, down to the shading?

Sure, Twitter is wild, you'll see plenty of things you aren't necessarily looking for, but this reads as someone who is trying very hard not to let you see them sweating. What are they doing at the devil's sacrament, pointing out all of the sinners there, tactfully not pointing at themselves as one of the people included amongst the crowd.

If they didn't say "teehee I'm a fat girl btw <33 nasty nasty fetishists <33" at the end, wouldn't you think this message is situationally inappropriate? This is the internet, this person is anonymous, and that means they can lie if they feel like it.

You shouldn't even believe me or care when I say I'm fat, because I too am anonymous, and you simply can't fact check me. Even off anon, I don't share pictures of myself online, because I know better than to trust the internet at large.

If they are not outright malicious

(people will do this when they themselves fetishize fat women for the sake of getting art they think is hot; kind of like people saying "fat women can't be sexy" so fat women will post suggestive pictures of themselves to prove the statement incorrect, especially so they can pick and choose through which images they like. This is Creep Behavior, to use negging to manipulate people into sharing racey pictures)

then they are outright very, very rude, despite their friendly tone. This is YOUR blog, your art is fantastic, and nobody should be coming into your house, telling you how to run things.

Personally, I think the shapes and textures you draw are aesthetically pleasing, and your color choices always go together very nicely, especially when pink and green can clash really bad if you're not careful. Please don't let some misguided person (or worse, a creep) tell you what to do. You've gotten as far as you have on your own just fine, because you're doing your own thing.

In your response to anon, you said

"I find it weird that when a “normal” character is posed something suggestive its just a drawing but when added a bit weight it becomes a “fetish” ????"

(https://www.tumblr.com/ebi-noodle-doodles/739308628074496000/im-really-not-trying-to-be-rude-but-your-pure)

and I could not agree with you more.

Why is it a fetish that Miku is fat? I look an awful lot like her, and it's nice to be represented in art, suggestive or otherwise. Why is this person coming at you like you're a freak pervert that needs to be corrected, when you're just drawing a character?

Why is fat considered inherently unattractive, the only people allowed to enjoy it being (implied) nasty, disgusting, morally deficit fetishists, when "normal" or "skinny" body types are left alone? Why are we treating body fat as morally reprehensible, and not just a thing people sometimes have?

If this person really is fat, they have a lot of internalized fatphobia to let go of, and if they're a fetishist they need to learn better manners.

And thank you, for being generous enough to share your art with the world. Sorry for the lengthy message as well. Your Miku is very cute, and I look forwards to seeing more of your art in the future :]

- 🐺🕷️ (Wolf Spider Anon)

Ive been self debating and doubting if what I’m doing is bad or that Ive done something wrong especially on illustrating her in a suggestive manner

Thank you for understanding my view. The reply timing is off as I’m still trying to understand myself if my coloring it self was wrong… are my poses off? Is it rude to draw her like this? I didnt take the anon’s comment as rude but i did feel some guilt that i feel i shouldnt have? Man i dont understand I’m dumb when it comes to these sort of stuff. I just answered truthfully on thoughts about that. All I know is I enjoy painting her, suggestively, happy, innocently or cute! I just like drawing her. Youll see more of her in blog hopefully :D

[owlbloop]

I remember being so small

That when I was held

I felt safe

-

Too young for boy and girl

Ugly, old, death, and garish

Laid in softness

-

A dessert bar on my birthday

I called the best day ever,

Not knowin'

I doomed myself

To a future

Without fireworks

-

I remember rollin' down grass hills,

Runnin' so fast nobody could keep up,

Lovin' my princess hair

And sparkly red shoes

-

And I remember bein' examined

Like a rare bug,

Told I wasn't just a princess

But a damsel locked in a tower

My hair being' stroked

An whispers, that I was beautiful

A Dorothy, a dress up doll, a toy

-

Doll, doll, doll, doll

How many times did I hear that word,

Did I cradle mine gently

Pull them into hugs like honey drips

So they would not be frightened?

-

And I remember the day

When I realized what porcelain meant,

When I tried so hard to run

But fell behind,

My body burnin', cracked inside,

-

The doctors grabbing me

The empty room

Empty efforts,

Empty words

-

Fallin' behind over an over,

Til I quit track,

Lost my taste for runnin' shoes,

Changed 'em for ballet flats

-

I remember bein' taken from my classes,

Taught about vanilla,

Taught about chocolate,

Taught potential

-

110 percent,

If it doesn't break ya,

If it doesn't leave blood on the bathroom floor,

Then it's not enough

-

You have to bleed to be noticed,

To be worth it,

The more you bleed,

The more you gotta bleed

-

Cry, scream, hate, sure

Just don't where others might see

Don't complain when they take

The only thing ya own

-

Not your brain,

Not your gifts,

Not your blood or body,

But clothes

-

Gods, I remember how much I hated those uniforms

-

Can't spell?

You gotta draw the words into your system

No, you have to cut the accent,

Cut the frills,

Cut the talking,

-

If you speak like your home

You'll sound uneducated

Y'all, ain't, chess pie, and bible study

It's not classy

-

I remember learning

That I was too smart,

Too pretty, too special,

For the silver swirling in my mouth

For the pen that sat easiest in my hand

-

I remember hiding

From my mother, stretched too thin

My father, who's rare presence made me ill

The teachers who treated me

Like a well bred or rabid dog

The students who used me

Like a queen on a chessboard

-

My only safe place

The peace of hymns

And the stained wood of the chapel benches

Praying to a trinity that promised

Even love for the refuse

And asked nothing but shared devotion in return

-

I held that promise like a lifeline

Held the love of a conglomerate I'd never seen

When I couldn't imagine making it to tomorrow

The only kindness I could find

-

And I remember when I discovered

That people had contaminated it

And that people hated it

Hated me for this infection

Mocked me for my foolishness

For loving the raft beneath my limbs

And I found I couldn't blame them

-

When I discovered

My world was dying

Not some island I couldn't pronounce

But my fireflies and monarch eggs

My future

Half the planet wanted me dead

And the other half would trade me

For a 99 cent popcorn upgrade

-

That the accent I thought I hid

Still marked me as different

Then buried it so far

It may well be gone

-

That the future I fed myself

Growing up beneath the bed

Will probably mean nothing

No matter how hard I try

-

And I remember still

That I used to be too small for any of this

Too small to be afraid of assault and abuse

Too small to worry about etiquette and workload

-

I'm trying to keep that close

Because no matter what comes

There is nothing that can change the good that has already happened

Or take the love for the world from my bones

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

[melsdreamweaving]

I don't know if this is supposed to help anyone. At the moment I am feeling a little lost. And at the same time, I'm pleasantly surprised. After years of suffering, I feel like a chapter has come to a close. I'm just an ordinary person, who has met some extraordinary people on the way. A nobody who really knows nothing at all. I'm happy being a nobody.

A somebody is someone who just does. But in my case, I'm choosing to balance between doing and contemplating. My middle school teacher called me the thinker. She made an award just for me. Praising me for resolving conflicts in our classroom. But the only thing I did was ask a group of teenagers and tweens to just stop and breathe for a second. That petty fights aren't worth their friendship. That is until one of them screamed in my face. I remember Miss Reyes, her lips set into a thin line. Hating that the toxicity of an older teenager was all it took to make me shrink again. But at the same time I had befriended another girl from Puerto Rico. We've been nerdy art friends ever since.

It's funny to me but in my home, I just wanted to pick up the pencil and draw. However I was also told that I had to write. To make our story known... I used to look at my grandmother and ask her, with what voice? You have already taken mine.

I've had many friends, they come and go. I've had lovers, they come and go. Could I have stayed virginal for the "right one"? It depends. Up until that point, I hadn't really met anyone I would have saved myself for. If I even had something to "save" for them. A girl I knew from Dade, had a similar circumstance. She was funny, and she used to say steal all of their virginities. That way they will never forget you. This person was a riot. And at the same time I understood what she meant. I'm glad that they were able to move on and have a better life elsewhere.

One of my friends had pointed out, that those with sour grapes shouldn't spoil your kind spirit. I also ran into one of the two boys that I altar served with. Reminding me that I have kind eyes, eyes that inspire compassion... I appreciated it, especially now that I am struggling not to go low.

My favorite comedian, Margaret Cho, is now in her '50s. When I dropped out of high school, I was filled with shame. The entire year I had spent it trying to get expelled. Coming up with elaborate plans, and failing miserably because I was still a naive young girl. My favorite thing that she said in the stand-up bit called Vicious Cho was: f*** it this is me. I feel like a lot of young people would benefit from watching her. Especially if you're not LGBTQ but are just feeling lost in your own body. I was told to have a career first, and then there will be time for family. But at the same time, I fell in love. A goofy other nobody named cro mag named Ug, really saw me for the first time.

I can't explain it. But most of what I do is motivated by his smile and influence. I was a teenager when I met him. Just barely turned 18. He took me out on a date, and got me a copy of "Brave New World" from the local borders. I definitely recommend reading it. He asked me if I saw myself in anyone. To tell you the truth I saw myself in the indigenous young man. Taken into high society and not being able to cope with man's inhumanity to man. He told me that you can't save everyone. I knew that. Even one of my professors told me that not everybody can get on the ship little one. And then he proceeded to tell me that being a single father is hard. I nodded my head and said that it must be...

I didn't want to rule the world, I just wanted to see it. Having been a nerd, I enjoyed reading the encyclopedia on the computer. At the time, I loved the sound of hearing the machine come to life. The disc whirring and... My best friend would be there to greet me.

I shared the computer with my uncle and brother. It was a lot of fun to look and see what they were into. Sometimes I didn't understand it, but as my mom taught me snitches get stitches. So I stayed quiet, and played on the encyclopedia Britannica. They had this really cool game called mind maze. Were you learned random facts and navigated a castle.

My favorite games were those where you were a protagonist navigating a strange world. The King's quest games were my favorite. I loved King Graham, and the enchanted world of Daventry.

The woman who authored these games, was introduced to the role-playing games by her husband. I always thought it was awesome to be able to do such a thing. In college it was really hard to find others who played these games but it was fun to talk about character design, and story structure.

Currently I'm playing Shadow dark with a group of my husband's friends. What I enjoy about it is that it reminds me of discworld, at least the way we're playing. None of us have died yet thank goodness.

I like drifting away from things too. People, places, and just relaxing. Have you ever just laid face up in a pool for hours? It's my favorite thing to do. You can just meditate and forget everything. It feels like you're in space. Even though I don't think I would like to be up there. Something about the sky always makes me feel like it's trying to eat me. The ocean however feels like home.

Having Taino ancestry I think back to one of the last survivors of Fidel. At the time when he came to power, the first people he targeted were indigenous. My grandmother had to hide my mom. Her straight hair was a huge problem back then.

The man that I'm thinking of if he is still alive, lives by the ocean fishing and just swimming all day. A simple life. A wonderful life really. My husband and I, talk about living by the sea. Not caring anymore. Just enjoying our lives, because why bother with a world that would turn around and defraud its own people. You were ignorant for believing in others... Okay, I think that says more about you than it does about me.

I love my husband because he said go back to the gym palpy you ain't getting my Padme, lol 🤣. Our food names are ironically rice and beans. Everyone used to call him Mr Bean cuz he looked like the actor when he was younger... And at the time my friends all had food names, and I picked rice. Mostly because I go with everything. And of course being a fan of Fruit baskets definitely influenced that. My friends were fun, but I always felt plain like rice. I met other people that are like rice though. I call them burnt rice, mostly because they're rough around the edges and prickly.

If you were a food what would you be?

[practically-an-x-man]

3, 43, 51, 62 for that ask game

Thank you so much!!

Ask Game for Fic Writers

3. on a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

Hm... obviously a lot of my fics involve romance in some way or another, just because I think there are so many ways it can take shape and I love exploring those different dynamics. So for fanfics... maybe an 8 out of 10 - romance is by no means a requirement for a good fic, but I just think it's fun, especially when you can look at the ships and say "Hey, Eris and Rick love each other, and Jasper and Kyle love each other, but they love each other in completely different ways"

But in terms of all my stories, both fanfic and original, it's more like 3-4 out of 10. I still like writing romance, but my original writing is a lot more sci-fi, horror, or modern fantasy, only a few of which have a major romantic plotline.

It's really only fanfic where romance is so ubiquitous in my writing, my original stories have some very different vibes.

43. how did writing change you?

Oooh man...

So on a more serious note, writing has kept me alive. I've pushed through some of my darkest moments with the knowledge that if I don't get this story finished, nobody will ever be able to read it because it otherwise exists only in my head. It's why I keep so many active WIPs even when I can never update them on schedule - as long as I have a story waiting for its ending, I have at least one reason to keep going.

On a less serious note, it's changed how I look at the world. When my mind wanders, I find myself mentally describing what's around me, or coming up with snippets of description or dialogue (either for my stories or just standalone bits). I also have gotten a lot better at categorizing my thoughts and emotions, since I find it easier to put words to those feelings.

51. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet

Hm... I can't really call this a WIP since I haven't even written out a full outline yet, but I picked an idea at random from my ideas list and here's my attempt at a synopsis:

Christina "Chris" Carver can see the future. It comes in pieces, illogical flashes that overtake their entire body at the most inopportune of moments. When they experience such an episode in the middle of a crowded subway station - mere moments before a devastating bombing that costs dozens of lives - their life is upturned in a complex legal struggle that they can't seem to fight their way out of. How do you prove the existence of foresight? They're going to need a really good lawyer.

(it's been a while since I looked at this OC and I think they're due for a bit of a revamp, but the plot is one of my more dynamic ideas)

62. what’s the weirdest reason you’ve ever shipped something?

Oooh man... I'm not sure. Most of my OCs and those ships come from these sort of "what if?" opposites - what if Mister Morals Rick Flag was met with someone with an incredibly flexible moral code? What if Peter Maximoff was forced to slow down and pay attention? What if Alex Summers, a man who mocked physical mutations, was given a partner who develops extreme physical mutations herself? What if Wojchek, a sailor with a lot of superstitions, ended up in a relationship with one of his own old sailor's tales? And so on and so forth. I don't know that any of those are weird, it's usually just an element of the character that I want to draw out and focus on.

And all of my canon-character ships are fairly run-of-the-mill, I think? At least, I can't think of any that are super out-there or have a particularly weird reason behind them.

[aaronstveit]

I saw you talking about the gifs you were excited to make because they’d make you happy and I can def relate to knowing only a couple of people will be interested/will like my creations and yet that won’t stop me from creating them because I want to see that idea become something *concrete*. It is pretty lonely, though. Like, sometimes I trick myself into thinking I won’t care nobody will like something I’ve made and then it happens and it really gets to me. Especially because I wish I could share it with someone. The enthusiasm, my creative process, etc.

My hiperfixation has tired the friends of mine who know about it, since I’ve had the same one for years. So it’s not new to me, I struggle to accept this lonely/rejecting feeling, but I accept it (most of the time).

What’s been making me really sad lately though is that whenever I create something to gift to someone, their reaction to it is very… underwhelming. I feel like I see in my art something others don’t see. I mean, maybe my drawings aren’t actually good and my stories aren’t really moving to others? Maybe I’m only good at it in my head, and whenever I want to surprise someone with a portrait or comment with them about fics I’ve been working on and stories I wish they’d like, I get to see what I make through someone else’s eyes and… it happened this week again, twice, and it devastated me. Because it’s not the same person, a lot of people have reacted the same way. So I’m always putting my heart into these creations and giving people pieces of my soul for them to look at it and not say anything in return. To treat it like it’s nothing, like it doesn’t mean anything to them. To not even tell me if they’ve read what I wrote, let alone talk to me about it. It’s like my best is not only not enough, it’s less than ordinary to those around me.

I don’t know how to live with this feeling, I know you’re very kind and pretty good at giving advice so I wanted to ask your opinion, or what would you do if you were in my shoes?

Sending you love xxx

hi anon, first of all i'm sorry for the late answer, i meant to reply last night but i'm sick right now and getting my brain to put words in a functional order is. a task.

i am really sorry that you have those experiences :( sharing your art with someone is one of the most intimate and personal experiences you can share with a person and when you're just sort of written off, that is genuinely one of the worst feelings in the world. and it's so natural to want to share your art with others, even if you made it for an audience of one (yourself). art is an extension of who we are. of course we want others to see it and to love it.

i want you to know that your art is good. i don't have to see it to know that. your art is good just by definition of being yours. your art is something that wasn't in the world and now it is, because of you and you only. that is amazing! you created something that only you are capable of, and that is nothing less than a miracle.

i wish that your friends would tell you all of this and would appreciate your art. you deserve friends who love the things you make, who get excited about them, who support your art and all your ideas. i hate that they make you think that you and the things you create aren't enough. you & your art will always be enough, even if some people can't see that.

i hope you can find a community that appreciates you & your art and makes you feel extraordinary, because that's what you are. this is some pretty hilarious advice coming from me, the world's first and foremost discord coward, but i really recommend finding or creating a discord server for your fandom. post about it on tumblr, invite people who seem interested, and really try to make it an environment where everyone feels good sharing their art & engaging with each other's.

i wish i could offer you better advice. you really, really deserve to be able to share your work with people who are just as excited about it as you are, even more. you deserve better friends than people who make you question if the things you make are even good. and you deserve people who love and appreciate and treasure the art that you make for them. you put your heart and soul into it, and you deserve the same energy back. i'm sending you lots and lots of love, i hope your experiences get better ♡ you are always welcome to come talk to me about your art and your hyperfixations, even if we don't share the fandom! 🫶🏻

[masterjedilenawrites]

*gets close to mic and whispers*

It's Rosa, b#®ch!

Jk ily, now here's my submission for the surprise date thingy and lemme tell you, I'm sooo happy they're still open.

Now, about me, hmm, where do I start... am a bit of a weirdo, I guess, or well, I've been told that I am a very unusual personality. If you'd like, I could provide some insights on my physical appearance, but I deliberately left that out, as I believe that falling in love has little to do with bra size and eye color.

I am a very private person; I take some time to warm up and won't do that with anyone, but once I am comfortable, I am very passionate, talkative and have been told I have a wicked sense of humour. Also, while I am fairly introverted, I am by no means shy or a pushover; in fact, I have no problem speaking my mind, even if others think it is weird. I do have a clear idea of what I want, but I am not stuck on it and always open to new things and perspectives.

In my free time, I draw and paint a lot, experimenting a lot with different mediums and styles. I also enjoy gardening and cooking, reading, and spending lots of time alone in nature, be it on walks, with my boat on the river or also rock climbing. I am very interested in history, particularly military and art history; trying to reconstruct how the daily life of the people really was like is very interesting to me. And the thought that all of it already happened and nobody can change it also is strangely comforting to me. I also love systems; building them and exploring them in my mind to make sense of the world.

My MBTI type is INTJ and my Enneagram type is 4w5 (I find tests like these very interesting, because they help me make sense of my own and other people's emotions which I struggle with at times).

I value smartness (even though I think of myself as arrogant for it), creativity, uniqueness and individualism. What really annoys me is things like drama, gossip and being forced into smalltalk.

I am into men, and character-wise, I'd love any of the clones, or, if that's not possible, a villain.

Sorry this got so long, I got - once again - carried away, but thought the more information I provide, the more accurate does my match get.

Thank you so much in advance!

Rosaaa! First of all, love getting to know more about you from this. You seem very cool, and I wanted to make sure you were set up with someone just as cool too, so I've called in a favor to set you up with a very special clone. (But I'm also nervous what you'll think about this one since he's not a common character 🙃)

Your date is...

✨Blackout!✨

Not much is known about this guy, and he prefers it that way. He won't necessarily go out of his way to maintain his mystery, but he will also prefer your date be in a part of town he knows his clone brothers don't frequent. He'll say it's to explore a new place, but secretly he's nervous and doesn't want anyone to know. What if you don't like him? What if he messes up the date somehow? He'd be so embarrassed.

Thankfully he doesn't have anything to worry about, at least as far as the date is concerned. He walks up to you with his helmet beneath his arm and you can't help but comment on what seems to be a hand-painted design. This immediately launches you two into conversation about art, which leads into sharing about all the crafty projects you've both been working on, which then turns into chat about other pastimes you share. You'll be amazed at how much this guy does in what little spare time he has, and he'll be equally enthralled by how easy it is to talk to you.

You'll have walked side-by-side in conversation all over the city, barely aware of your surroundings as you learn more about each other. Blackout regrets that time slipped away so quickly, he'd wanted to treat you to a drink or dessert or something. His nerves return at the end, worried he didn't take good enough care of you to warrant his ask for a second date. If you gave him another chance, though, he'll definitely prove himself worthy of your affections. You'll be one of the rare few in the galaxy he lets close.

✨

Want to be set up on a blind date with a Star Wars character?

[bstroobery]

This is 🧡🐍 talking here. I'm stupid and bored so I'm answering all of this shit in case anyone is curious. I am the type to just fucking answer this shit before and then copy and paste answers later. So, because I'm bored rn:

🍎 - M&Ms and Trolli gummy worms. Eat that shit up like nobody's business. Snickers and Caramelos are also on that list. Our parents eat those so fucking quickly. We literally have to ask if we can have some before anyone can eat it

🍐 - I draw, meditate, or ramble to 🍓 or 💅 (my absolutely amazing BF who I don't deserve. I have no idea how I got the le love and affection of this absolute angel I swear) until I'm calm again. Either that or 🍓 will drop me off with 💅 if they can't handle my ramblings

🍊 - Language in regards to system hood and such is usually just... plural pronouns when referring to the entire system collectively and singular pronouns when referring for a singular alter. Like... "we're 21" when referring to the body's age and then "I'm 21" when referring to the age of myself.

🍌 - Just... any misinformation anyone of us believes before we find the real information and just feel absolutely so fucking stupid about it. That and when people take conspiracy theories seriously. They make great concepts for stories and shit, but please shut up. We are not living in a dystopian novel. The government does things you can actually be mad about without coming up with crazy stuff.

🍉 - Y'all we have so many! We all love stories and geeky stuff. Everyone here loves to play video games and we all collectively watch movies together. The front is usually so packed during movie nights. Everyone also shares an interest in 🍓's original works and coming up with fun stories together. And role-playing. DND is so fun here.

🍋 - Everyone here despises Fortnite, Cocomelon, and content farms with a seething passion. We only tolerate Fortnite because our brother loves it, but you would never catch us dead playing it. We also collectively dislike silence. We need at least something to listen to. Even if it's just an air conditioner.

🍇 - Yes. Huge sweet tooth. Our worst offenders are: 🍓, 🔦, 💻, 💚❤️💛💙, and 🍐. It absolutely sucks that we are a diabetic system...

🍓 - We have quite a bit. Outwardly calling 🍓 a bitch, "I was possessed," "maybe we're all just demons possessing the same body," "if 💀 and 💻 don't stop fighting I will lock them in an igloo again and force them to do a snowtrapped sequel," 📺 being overly gay and dramatic, and we all are aware of a new joke threat to our brother to reanimate Snowtrapped from SMG4 in detail

🫐 - y'all we have so many people with "unnatural" hair color in inner world, but it's their natural hair color. Reasoning is because anyone with unnatural hair is very much not a human alter

🍈 - every syskid in this system absolutely love to hear stories from the older alters or play games with them. But their all-time favorite thing is when we need to do a lesson plan for school and they absolutely love being our guinea pigs and going to school

🍒 - The Handsome Jack AI in Tales from the Borderlands is what he use a lot. He's just such an alter to Rhys, even if he can only control the guy's arm. That and the gaming metaphor.

🍑 - Nothing too bad so far. Worst being when we had to go through a very embarrassing situation and 🍓 switched out because they didn't want to deal with it. Not explaining what it was because it happened in a school we were working at.

🥭 - Surprisingly we kind of have this? We have three alters, Beeg, Eggdog, and Sebastian, who are basically the class pets of our system. Outside the system as have our pet cat Mahina who is basically our class pet.

🍍 - Pizza. Hands down, we are very split on pizza in this system. We have some alters who adore the stuff and some alters who despise the stuff. Also, 💀 being the voice of reason lately when it comes to managing our diabetes and celiac is hilarious. He is so tired of everyone's shit. He is such a big brother.

🥝 - I'll do this for multiple alters because I love all my headmates, but I'll choose only 10 to keep this short:

🍓: I love your creativity and drive. You come up with the absolutely best stories I have ever heard/read and I am proud to be your best friend.

💻: You are the funniest person I have ever met and I love you sm platonically

💀: Your ass/j But in all seriousness, you are so cool man. Thank you for keeping us shitheads in line and looking out for the body's health you beautiful man you. Seriously dude. You look phenomenal and it's sad no one can draw realistically how you look in headspace. My god. Your source is called the Rizzler for a reason man. (I mean all of this platonically. The peeps in this system get that because they know me and that I platonically flirt with everyone except 💅 but I know ppl outside this system don't know that)

🔦: You are such an ass /aff

🍞: Hot British man, please understand that I appreciate everything you do for our hosts and keeping ppl in headspace in line when we act crazy during serious situations

📖: Bestie's husband/wife, I adore you and how happy you make 🍓 like holy shit.

💅: My Angel and the one who owns my heart no matter what. I get I'm basically in a QPR with everyone else in this system but you have no idea how much I love you my glorious boyfriend. I seriously don't know what I did to get your affection. You are the Jessica Rabbit to my Roger Rabbit and I am so thankful to have you in my life. Thank you for dealing with my bullshit and still wanting to be with me at the end of the day

📺: Bro stop being so fucking dramatic you gayass /pos /aff

⛈️: You are not a burden. You are awesome. Love what you do. You are an agent of chaos and that is absolutely fantastic.

🍄: Stupid spaghetti man needs to stop trying to move the furniture in headspace before I do something illegal. Also, love your humor man. Please stop trying to kill me with your jokes. They're too funny.

🥥 - Venture. He's fine going by his name here. He was literally so fucking mysterious when he first arrived. No one knew what to think of him. He eventually caved and began opening up to us, but it took quite a bit of time before he began to actually open up and not lie out of his ass. Love ya V!

🍅 - Not gonna go in depth with these, might if people are curious, but "you can love the art and hate the artist, find ways to enjoy the art without supporting them" and "live and let live (unless someone is actually hurt, then you can get involved)".

Uh... that's it! Hope people learned some interesting things about us! Bye!

Fruit themed Ask Game!

geared towards DID/OSDD systems that wanna babble about themselves <3

🍎- what’s the one food that’s always instantly gone in your house?

🍐- what’s something you do to calm you down?

🍊- what sort of language do you use when referring to yourself/your system? What’s your reasoning?

🍌- What is a piece of misinformation always grinds your gears?

🍉- what are your collective interests?

🍋- what are your collective disinterests? The dumber the better

🍇- do you have a big sweet tooth? Who’s the worst of the bunch?

🍓- share any inside jokes you have together!!

🫐- does anybody have an unnatural hair color in the innerworld? Any particular reasoning?

🍈- if you have any syskids in your system, what’s your favorite thing to do with them/their favorite thing to do?

🍒- do you have a favorite metaphor for systemhood? You don’t need to justify it, it can be silly <3

🍑- what’s an awkward thing/situation you’ve switch in to?

🥭- you can spawn one animal in your innerworld as a class pet, what would it be?

🍍- what’s one thing an alter/part loves, that another one hates?

🥝- think of an alter/part, what’s something you love about them?

🥥- which alter/part was the toughest nut to crack?

🍅- ..what’s your controversial opinion?

[cepheusgalaxy]

I... something's weird

My mom started using the pronouns I asked her to a while ago... and it doesn't feel right? Like, probably it is because I'm not that used to it so I need a period of adaptation... but what if it's not? Like, my disphoria did't come that much from pronouns but I still don't wanna use she/her... or do I? Do I really wanna use he/him or I'm just going along with the "boy = he/him" logic??? I've tried they/them some times too... but it felt so bad. But thinking of it now, it may be becaude I always heard it with sarcasm? As a joke. As an insult. I also love my mom, and I know she's trying to help... but she keeps reminding me that its hard to keep up when I change pronouns and it makes me feel guilty... I've kept he/him for now because I thought that's what I wanted? But I'm not sure anymore. And regarding my name... I know I've chosen Heron but is it really the right one? Like... I didn't mind it much but lately i've been feeling so annoyed at it... It's a fine name and I liked it even but not anymore. I guess that's normal? I kind of hate it when certain people use it. And i like these people, a lot. But then theres my dad... He calls me by this name with such affection and I don't feel uncorfotable at all. Every time he calls me I think of that. Should I really change my name at all? I don't wanna hear that hesitation my mom has when she calls me a he. I still like it when my dad calls me by my birthname. Should I change names and have just him call me by that? Should I give up on Heron? Maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about that. I only figured that I was trans a few months ago... it hasn't even been a year. People take a lot of time to figure out that. But I don't wanna wait.

I know I'm trans, but am I in the way I thought I was? I usually have a first thought regarding a thing but then I dismiss it. And all the time I end up coming to that same first conclusion. When I first started questioning I went with lots of "complex" nonbinary genders, what if I was right? Maybe I'm more genderfucked than I first thought.

But I guess I'm afraid too. I'm afraid of labelling myself and exploring because people won't get it. And I know I shouldn't be tinking about anyone but ME when it comes to that but I can't... I'm not exactly out in school. Some of my friends know I have something going on and i "look" kinda queer but I just left things with a "yea im a little bit gay maybe" and I can't help but think that if I label myself with a weird gender nobody will get it and ill just feel even more misunderstood.

I know I'm masc. But how much?

Where does my disphoria comes from? Where does my euphoria comes from? I wish I had the answers and why is it so hard to choose a name

Perhaps I should go with something longer. I also kinda like "international" names. Maybe something with 'a'? To match my birthname. I still like it. Even tho I hate it.

Avalon? Idk what kind of name is this but it sounds great. Amy? Amelie? Is it fine by me if I go by a gendered name? Why is it so hard?

I wish I knew more people like me. Personally. I just feel so lonely. I like to be alone a lot of the time but sometimes I just feel like im never with anyone that gets it. Sometimes I feel like im kind of a bad friend because--along other reasons (im terrible at comforting people or helping when theyre upset...)--sometimes i don't really wanna hang out with them because we barely share any interests. I have this one friend i love to hang out wit because we share the same passions and can do nothing or anythimg together but with my other friends-i like them sm but we don't really connect. They keep saying im gifted or somethinf cuz i can draw, they never shut up about how im oh-so great with art and i do a doodle and theyre like "OH wow what a masterpiece" and im doing an illustration for the sake of it, to feel good for making art, to make my world a little prettier with the colors i chose, decorating my homework or whatever and they all "woah you didn't have to humiliate us" every time! Its annoying! I hate it! We don't share anything, they like doing things that are not completely my thing-i mostly do them for the sake of hanging out with them because i always have such a great time-they have lifes completely different from mine and available at different times. Do you know that "you didn't really have a childhood if you didn't do x or y" meme? I HATE it. Cuz i didn't do x or y. It makes me feel so dismissed. So different. And most of my friends DID do x and y so i don't share that with them. I'm just so tired of being different all the time. I wish I was surrounded by more people like me. Maybe this will sound really gen z but idk what i'd do without social media. I'd prob feel even worse.

And my friends have struggles so different from mine. They don't have nice homes. They had such a troubled childhood. They had different joys too. They had sleepovers, childhood friends they grew up close to and still are close friends to this day and are so comfortable around each other and always went to the same school. I didn't really have this kind of friend because my mom didn't know in what school to put me at the time so i never stayed in one school for more than one year. My most was 2. And they're all cishet. They're all allo-i mean, exept from one. And i am so afraid for her. She goes around using she/her, once she told she'd like to go by he/him, we talked about gender sometimes and we saw that she liked the bigender label but her family is super religious and her therapist is also from her church and does "spiritual healing as well as mental" and she said she was over being bi because christians shouldn' be bi and--anyways i... and i don't know how to help my friends and they have so many problems and they don't know how to help me and i don't really talk about my problems with them and i don't know if i trust then enough to... share it all and i just wish i had more queer friends and people who understood me because i always feel so unseen ;( and lonely. And miserable.

And my mom-i just, and my dad, they are divorced but they keep bringing each other up and long story short theyre driving ne crazy they don't like each other but they can never get along and they keep dragging me and my siblings to their long ENDLESS conversations about the other one and im SO DONE I JUST WISH THEY COULD IGNORE EACH OTHER AND COLABORATE

And were traveling-my siblings me and my mom and everytime we do she always plans out everything but she doesnt really gives us freedom to have free chill time when we're there because everything is just so tightly scheduled planned and thats something really minor but i really need free chill MY tine EVERY DAY to recharge, even if it is from fun, to write, draw, read, do whatever i want-and me and my mom have ideas of fun so different and UGH

And she keeps calling me he and she is technically being supportive and avoiding misgendering me but WHY DO I FEEL SO UNCONFORTABLE?? And i shouldn't be mad at her because she is technically doing the right thing but :( i need to figure things out for myelf, find a support group because I REALLY need to surround with my kind and then tell her how it turns out for me.

I just-it's so hard being fourteen, when will this stop?

[chiptrillino]

I'm very curious to know more about your OCs! The art you've made for them is beautiful and I'd love to hear more about them. (Also your art is so beautiful and always brightens up my day when it crosses my dash, so thank you so much for sharing it!)

i am sorry it took me so long to awser. i was just.. i was really at a loss of words because... idk people asking aobut my oc occured once or twice. not necessarely these oc. like... i have no clue how to talk about them;;; don't draw them as much as i should. most of the time they stay as a sketch for a really long time because... oh my, once i do for myself i am really critic and idk not easely happy;;; but a rough introduction of who they are or how they live. they are wandering people. they hunt they collect, they craft, they tinker they sell. its not a modern world they live in and the only larger citties or settelment live around the coast or around that one river that connects the norht with the south to the open sea. (like i have a worldmap!) but... uhm... if you wnat to hear some 'fun facts'

hayes has a flaming hot little secred

cavan doesn't live with them. he lives in the big mayor first citty on the river, and serves the queen as cartografor.

ostana her daughters and her grandchildren have all names connected to wolfes. its a running joke in the family hahah.

zorya is missing some fingers.

faolán may takes his head off here and there. but if he doesn'T want to take his head off nobody can take his head off... NO. ONE.

weylin is sure on the next hunting trip he will return with gray hair like his dad because zorya always runns off