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credit-song · 1 year ago

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It’s 2 am and I have work tomorrow but my stupid manic brain refuses to let this go and I don’t have anywhere else to put this because I spend 30 minutes typing out a YouTube comment and then the page reloaded and it was gone but I can’t let it go so here I am on tumblr instead.

The TLDR is: I think I have autism, but I probably don’t but three of my four siblings have been diagnosed with autism and I’ve been diagnosed with pretty much everything but autism and it would make way more sense if I have have bipolar disorder and autism but maybe I only want to have autism because of how my mom gave my autistic siblings special treatment.

So yeah, kinda a long TLDR but whatever. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, OCD, AHDH, Dyslexia, BPD, and got a “you might have STPD” once but wasn’t fully assessed for that. I have four siblings, three of which have been diagnosed with autism. To make things easier, I will call them:

A, the oldest, who has autism

B, the third oldest (I’m second oldest), who has autism

C, the second youngest who supposedly doesn’t have any mental disorders but also has never been assessed for anything

And D, the youngest, who had autism.

Growing up, A and I were close in age, so we were always paired together. My mom figured out pretty early on that A was autistic. We called it “Asperger’s” back then, but we call it autism now, so that’s how I’ll be referring to it. I was always considered the “normal one” in my family. When I was a young child (like, before C and D were born) my two siblings were very clearly autistic, so my mom would literally call me “the normal one.” Like this isn’t me being dramatic, I was literally the Normal One.

My mom infantilized the shit out of A and B (especially A). And since A and I were always doing things together, we were compared a lot. I was “good at making friends” and talking to people “came easily” to me. Whereas it was difficult to A. So my mom told me that I had to be sure to make friends for the both of us. Because it was easy for me and difficult for A. The thing was: it wasn’t fucking easy for me!!! I don’t know how this developed because it all happened when I was so young. But as far back as I can remember, my mom would always talk about how I was the extrovert and good at making friends and had to make friends for both me and A and I would sit there and be like “yes, I love talking to people, it’s so easy” and be lying through my teeth. I found it so difficult to talk to people. I was always saying the wrong thing and people thought I was weird. But I knew I had to be social because A couldn’t so I had to do it for both of us.

I did eventually make some friends, and I was so determined to be that social butterfly and not be the weird kid. Cause the thing was, I was the “normal one” in my family, but other people didn’t see that. I was still weird to everyone else. But I never noticed because my mom said that I was just mimicking what A did and that’s why people thought I acted strange. It wasn’t because I had autism, it was because I was copying A (which, typing that out makes me want to scream because mimicking behaviors is literally a symptom of autism).

Anyways, I had finally made some friends, but then they all decided that I was annoying and cried about everything and talked too much so they stopped being friends with A and I. Only one of those friends stuck by us and to this day I have yet to become friends with someone new and connect with them at the level I was friends with the friend that stuck with us. That friendship also fell apart because I was gay as hell for her but we were in a very homophobic environment so I just repressed it until she got a boyfriend and everything fell apart.

But at this point in time, I was still the “normal one.” I was still the one who was great at making friends (despite sucking at making friends) and great at talking to people (despite people thinking I was weird). I had this obsession with eye contact because my mom would talk about how A couldn’t maintain eye contact with people and how important it was for me to do that. But instead of avoiding eye contact, I would just stare at people when they spoke to me. I wouldn’t even be paying attention that what they were saying, I was too focused on making sure that I was maintaining eye contact. I also had a lot of interests that people found weird but I was obsessed with them. I used to go on lore dumps for hours before I eventually figured out that people didn’t like that and became the ultimate people pleaser who never talked about anything I liked for fear that I wouldn’t be able to shut up when I got started.

Then I moved out of my mom’s house and started college. I was pretty surprised to find out that most people thought I was weird. I failed miserably at making friends. Well, making friends was fine, keeping those friends was impossible. I would much rather stay in my room and spend time on my hobbies than go out and socialize. My poor roommate tried so hard to be my friend, but whenever she’d try to talk to me, I’d just be like “why are we talking? I want to go work on my story, but I guess I’ll be polite.” She must have invited me out fifteen times before I realized that “we should go bar hopping sometime!” meant “let’s make a plan to go bar hopping together.”

I desperately wanted to fit in and connect with my peers, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all getting something that I was fundamentally missing out on. I would come home from class and just scream and cry in my car until I felt good enough to go inside. And then my poor roommate would try to engage in conversation and I’d want to scream but kept a cool face until I could shut down the conversation and get back to my computer.

The only people I really had any sort of relationship with were men who wanted to date me. I was pretty naive, so I was like “oh, I don’t want to date, but we can be friends!” and then we’d be friends but they’d still want to date and would always be like “man, I wish we were dating” but I really didn’t want to date and really wanted a friend so I’d just be like “haha, but we’re not!” They’d always be like “you’re not like other girls” and I’d be thinking “yeah! I’m trying to figure out why!” They very much treated me like a manic pixie dream girl but I wanted them to like me so I went along with it.

I remember once in class, well actually while I was waiting for class to start, I was talking to one of my “guy friends” and I opened up my computer to see that one of my favorite YouTubers had uploaded. I remember feeling this almost painful amount of joy. I didn’t even notice I was flapping my hands until my guy friend goes “are you autistic or something?” in such a disgusted tone that I stopped immediately. I told him about how I grew up with a lot of autistic siblings so that’s why I seem autistic but I’m not. Another time, I was at a party (the one party I went to at college and only when I was a senior), I was talking to a guy and he said that I had “really weird and dramatic facial expressions.” For some reason that sent me into a spiral because “weird facial expressions” is an autistic thing and I can’t have autism because A has autism and I’m The Normal One.

I know I’m making myself seem autistic, but I am actually pretty good at reading social cues! At least, I know that when I do something inappropriate because of people’s reactions. I thought I was good at reading facial expressions until I got to thinking about it and realized that I just don’t know when people change expressions. I will stare at someone’s face to maintain eye contact, but I have no clue why expression they’re making because I’m not paying attention. I think I’d be good at reading expressions in theory but I don’t know because I just don’t pay attention to expressions.

Anyways, I had big meltdown at college and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I moved back home and got to know my younger siblings (C and D) better as they were only 10-11 when I left for college and were now 14-15. D had recently been diagnosed with autism and mental disorders is one of her special interests. I’m also obsessed with mental disorders, so we bonded a lot over that. And I learned way more about autism from her.

Okay, now it’s almost 3 am so I’m gonna try to sum up the rest quickly. I had serious mental health issues after coming home, so I ended up getting all the above diagnosis from various doctors and therapists. But I never felt like they were right? I guess? I definitely have manic episodes so I definitely have Bipolar disorder, but it’s like, okay so when I’m making a drink at work and I have to do it the “correct way” and if I miss a step I have to start over and that’s my OCD, and then when I can’t focus to conversations or forget details that’s my ADHD and when I have meltdowns over nothing and get super overwhelmed and can’t talk, that’s my BPD or my bipolar disorder, and it’s just exhausting to juggle around all these labels to explain everything. I was watching someone talk about when you get a bunch of diagnosis like that it probably means you actually just have one disorder that people are misdiagnosing as other disorders. But I could never figure out that One True Diagnosis. Because I definitely have bipolar disorder, but also something else is going on.

My therapist has suggested that perhaps I like to collect these diagnosises because my mom gave special treatment to my siblings with autism and thus I grew up thinking that a diagnosis meant getting love from my mother. But my mom doesn’t give me special treatment for my bipolar disorder or OCD or ADHD or Dsylexia so I’m subconsciously trying to get new disorders to find the one that will make her love me. I’m paraphrasing here, but the theory definitely holds up. But I also feel like if I had been an only child, I would be convinced I had autism by this age. Because I relate so much to autism content and I do show a lot of signs of autism. But it’s so mild compared to my autistic siblings so I don’t know if I actually have it.

I did get assessed for it once. It was a few months back. I was talking to someone online and mentioned having ADHD and three siblings with autism. They were basically like “hey, girlie, hate to break it to you, but if you’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and three of your siblings have autism, chances are, you do too.” It was the first time anyone had just plainly suggested that I might have autism (in a non-disgusted manner) and it definitely sent me spiraling. I was taking those “am I autistic” quizzes and reading the DSM-5 and everything. Even though the quizzes said that I might have autism, I wasn’t really convinced. But I thought it wouldn’t hurt to get assessed.

So I did, and the psychiatrist met with me and was like “why do you want to be assessed” and I was like “well, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but also three of my four siblings have autism, so…” and she gave me some questionnaires to take home. One for me and three for “friends and family.” But the questionnaires were clearly meant for parents of young children and not adults and their “friends and family.” Also my only friends are my family, and I’ve always been the “normal one” (although C is really now the “normal one” since I’m so bipolar). So the whole thing was a disaster. I was also horribly depressed at the time, so I’m the next few times I saw that psychiatrist, we mostly talked about that. She didn’t give me any sort of test?? But I guess the interview and the questionnaires were the test. In the end she was like “well, one things for sure, you definitely have bipolar disorder, okay bye” so I guess she determined that I didn’t have autism. So yeah, guess I don’t have it.

I don’t know. I guess maybe I want to have autism because of my mom? But also me having autism would explain so much. I wouldn’t have to juggle around so many labels. I’d just be a person who has bipolar disorder and autism. I weirdly think that my bipolar disorder is so, you know, disorder-y that when doctors look at how my life is disordered, all they see is the mania and the depression. But do I bite my wrist when I get stressed and flap my hands when I get excited because of bipolar disorder? Do I shut down when someone in my schedule changes because of bipolar disorder? Do I unintentionally piss people off all the ticking time because of bipolar disorder. Okay, maybe yes to the last one, but I feel like everyone looks at me and is like “that person is weird” and I wish I could be like “yeah, I have autism, I don’t care if you think I’m weird.” But I guess I don’t have autism. Cause the psychiatrist just said Bipolar. I don’t know.

#autism #bipolar disorder #vent #rant

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escape-rock-bottom · 2 years ago

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Burning Out

I have a feeling every living human being will (and has) experienced burnout on some level at some point in their lives. It’s that feeling of being absolutely drained of energy even though you haven’t been doing much for a while. It’s the feeling that you’re at your wit’s end when it comes to work, socializing, or personal care.

It’s almost similar to depression, but lacks the feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and despair that accompany depression. Basically, you just don’t have it in you to do any more. It’s a state that you can come out of, but the time you spend there will vary on how overworked you were.

Burnout is caused by intense stress of some sort. The stress could be physical, relationship based, work based, or even just caused by your own thoughts and emotions. Depending on how much stress you come under, the burnout can be more severe and even chronic.

Chronic cases seem to affect people under constant stress over a long duration of time with little breaks, and severe cases seem to affect those who are under more severe stress. Regardless, your mileage may vary — What causes me burnout may not affect another in the slightest and the duration of my burnout may not match that of yours.

What’s important here is to understand what causes you burnout and what helps you recover quickly and effectively. What’s also important to understand is how vital it is to your success, mental health, and general wellbeing to avoid completely running yourself into the ground.

Do the people who are always constantly under stress look happy to you? Do you feel they’re heading for their own rock bottom eventually? Do you think that their dreams and passion will die out the longer they push past their limits? Don’t get me wrong, there’s good stress and pushing past your comfort zone is the way to improve, but there is a DANGER! RED ZONE! when it comes to how much you push your boundaries.

Here’s a list of all the fun and wonderful things burnout can cause if you decide to ignore your needs!

Depression, anxiety, chronic stress, irritability, and a variety of mood disorders

Dwindling relationships and a lack of sociability

A constant feeling of dread when it comes to doing anything

Loss of momentum in work, school, self improvement

Loss of interest and effort put into work, school, relationships, or even your own family

Lack of self-care and hygiene

Mental and physical fatigue and a lack of energy

Okay, so how do you recover from or avoid burnout altogether? I hate to say it but the answer is not that simple since the exact methods will vary from person to person, but here’s a general small list of things you can try to avoid burnout:

Pace yourself and don’t take on more than you can possibly handle at once

Learn to prioritize and optimize your time. Some tasks will take more energy than others, so try to narrow down the most important ones and the easiest ones. Some people benefit from doing the smaller tasks first before moving on to the bigger ones. Some find doing the big ones first helps more. Then, there’s the option of breaking up the big task with smaller ones.

Avoid “busy work”, focus on “important work”. Busy work can be a distraction from what’s really important, and can cause you to feel too busy (because you kind of are)

Allow yourself mindfulness and self care time every workday, and wind down on your off days. Try not to pack your weekends full of things to do if you can avoid it!

Try giving yourself “do nothing” time at least once a week. Yep, you have nothing to do at that time. You can fill that time with hobbies, fun family activities, exercise routines, or anything that can help alleviate stress.

If you begin to feel overwhelmed, take a quick break. Recollect your thoughts, journal, or practice mindfulness to get yourself back together before you jump back in

As for recovery, it looks pretty similar to the avoidance tactics. Recovery will require a longer period of time to yourself in which you do not have any particular work to get done. It will also require that you focus on mindfulness, relaxation, and stress management. However, if you can avoid it, you wouldn’t have to worry about taking a bunch of time away from work!

Burnout is no joke. It’s a thing we all experience, yet no one really talks about it. We live in a time where working hard and pushing constantly is heavily rewarded and admired but we are not machines. We are flawed and limited human beings who need a dang break every once in a while.

Heck, if we were machines capable of 24/7 work with no negative psychological or physical effects, I’d say go for the hustle culture! However, we’re not (yet?). Keep that in mind next time you want to load your schedule with tasks that don’t matter or can be handled by someone else. Once again, hard work is good, but too much of a good thing is often bad.

#burnout #mental health #self care #self awareness #self improvement

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inwintersolitude · 2 years ago

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- May 11th 2023 -

How long has it been since you moved out of the house you grew up in? It's been nearly 15 years.

What color shirt are you wearing? Black.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? Penne pasta with arrabbiata sauce.

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? Strawberry.

Do you regret anything you've done in the last 24 hours, and if so, what? Yep. Staying up way too late last night, when I should be trying to shift my sleep schedule earlier for plans on Friday.

What is your favorite type of soup? White bean and vegetable soup, broccoli cheddar soup, minestrone soup, white chicken chili... I have a lot of favorites haha.

When was the last time you saw a beautiful sunset? A few days ago.

What is your favorite song at the moment? No favorite.

What are 5-10 things you love about being you? I'm self-assured, I'm mentally/emotionally stable, I'm intelligent, I have a positive outlook on life, I have an amazing husband, I have a great relationship with my family, I really like where I live, and I have the financial means to live a leisurely life and spend my time on hobbies and personal projects rather than working.

What is your favorite board that you've made on Pinterest? Eh, I don't know, I haven't been on Pinterest in ages. I don't remember what boards I have on there.

Do you get on Facebook or Instagram more? Instagram.

What color is your favorite sweater? Dark gray.

What are three things people would never guess about you just by looking at the photos you post on social media? The photos I post on Instagram are mostly my nature photography and drone photography, occasionally my pet birds - I don't post anything super personal, so there's quite a lot about me that people would never guess just by looking at that.

What is one thing you have too much of? Medical problems lol. Thankfully most of it is minor, but I do have way more diagnoses than anyone in their 30s should have. Migraines, TMJ disorder, hyperacusis, ADHD, scoliosis, blah blah blah.

What was the last thing you ate or drank that was blue raspberry-flavored? I don't remember.

What are three of your favorite scents? Pine forests, the musky scent the woods in this area get after the leaves have fallen in autumn, and whatever they use to scent the spa that I go to during vacations to Hilton Head Island, I don't know what it is but it's heavenly.

What was the last flavor of tea you drank? English breakfast tea.

When was the last time you wore your hair in a fishtail braid? Never.

What is one annoying thing your computer does? It doesn't do anything annoying.

What type of fruit do you eat the most? Lately, I've been eating a lot of blueberries and raspberries.

How often do you go out to eat? About once a week.

What would your dream wedding dress look like? I'm already married. My dress was a strapless A-line gown with pearls and silver threading embroidered around the bust/midriff and down the train. I wouldn't say I ever had a "dream” wedding dress, though. I was never the type to dream about wedding stuff.

Which fall flavor do you prefer: pumpkin spice or apple cinnamon? It depends on what sort of food the flavor is being used in.

What is the most annoying thing about your life right now? My circadian rhythm is completely dysfunctional. But that's nothing new, I've had a messed up circadian rhythm since I was a young child. It's just been really extra messed up lately.

Which holiday treat do you like better: candy corn or conversation hearts? I don't really like either of those.

What is your favorite apple-flavored treat? Apple crisp.

What are you counting down the days to right now, if anything? Our trip to Ireland.

What was the last book you read about? Landscape photography.

Have you been daydreaming a lot lately about a scenario you wish would happen? No.

What are three of your favorite things about camping? Spending time in nature, cooking over a campfire, and tents are cozy lol.

If you could choose what month to be born in, what month would you have chosen as your birth month, and why? Eh, it doesn't really matter to me.

...and what is your actual birth month? January.

What are three of your favorite things to do on a rainy day? Sleep in, have a cup of tea, watch TV/Netflix/Youtube.

Would you rather eat strawberries or watermelon? Watermelon.

Do you prefer smoothies or milkshakes? I prefer homemade smoothies over milkshakes, but I prefer milkshakes over the overly-sugary types of smoothies you get from restaurants/smoothie shops.

Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? Hamburgers.

When was the last time you felt nauseous? A few weeks ago.

What was the last thing you ate that made you feel nauseous? There aren't any foods that make me feel nauseous.

Do you enjoy going to your local county fair? I did when I was a kid. I haven't been to a county fair since then, though.

How far away do you live from the place where you were born? About a 7-hour drive.

Do you prefer zebra print or cheetah print? I don't like any animal prints. Not my style.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal blog

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tallmantall · 2 months ago

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James Donaldson on Mental Health - Back-to-School Dos and Don'ts

Tips on navigating summer's end, especially for kids who are anxious Writer: Jerry Bubrick, PhD Clinical Expert: Jerry Bubrick, PhD What You'll Learn - What can I do to help my anxious child feel better about starting school? - Why is routine so important? - What is a “dry run” and how can it help ease the transition to school? - Quick Read - Full Article - DO get back into the routine - DON’T forget to refuel - DO talk about changing friendships - DON’T share your anxieties - DO have a trial run - DON’T be afraid of setbacks - DO help kids manage their commitments - DON’T ignore problems The transition from summer into the new school year is tough for both parents and kids. Especially for kids who have anxiety. One of the best ways to reduce anxiety is to prepare early. Get back into the school routine at least a week before the first day. This means kids need to sleep, eat and reduce screen time on a school schedule. Buying school supplies and going on a “dry run” helps a lot too. That’s where you go to school, walk the halls and find classrooms before school actually starts. Telling kids that their anxious feelings are normal also helps them feel more confident. It also helps to make sure your kid isn’t diving into every activity on day one. If a kid has too much on their plate, they’re likely to fall behind. This can make them anxious or even depressed. It’s good to help kids choose which things they really want to do and not sign up for everything at once. Paying attention to when and what your kid is eating is important too. Kids need to eat healthy foods regularly to perform well in school. They also need to fuel up in order to do homework. Try to make breakfast, even if it’s quick, a part of the morning routine. It’s also good to keep tabs on what your child eats for lunch. A well-fed, good sleeper is going to have a better school day and be more ready for homework than a kid who’s over-tired and hungry. The end of summer is in sight, and parents everywhere are feeling that inevitable anxiety over how to make the most of the upcoming school year. In my experience, anticipating the hurdles of reentry and carefully structuring the first few weeks of school goes a long way to setting the stage for a successful year, particularly if your child has an anxiety disorder or another emotional or learning challenge. With that in mind, here are some dos and don’ts for families who want to start the school year right. DO get back into the routine There are many positive things about summer, like more time to spend with your family and novel opportunities for your children. But summer is also a disrupting time for kids, who can easily forget that they were ever in school at all. So I strongly suggest that you start making the necessary readjustment to school life before the first day. There is no use denying that school is coming, and getting prepared earlier can get them off to a better start. First, we want kids to start (and they’re going to resist) having more school-like hours. Even just a few days before school begins, bedtime should go back from 11:00 to 9:00, for example, or whatever is appropriate. Additionally, kids should be waking up around the time they’d have to wake up for school and performing the normal routine: shower, breakfast, getting dressed, and so forth. We also suggest that you limit screen time — whether it’s gaming, streaming TV shows, or social media, make sure they are off at least an hour before bed. Kids sometimes have a hard time separating from their virtual world, and if they don’t have some “downtime” they’ll still be engaged and it will affect their ability to fall asleep on their own. You can also shop for school supplies earlier rather than later. The selection at stores is better, which is no small matter when you’re trying to make the transition as easy as possible, and the activity primes kids for their eventual return to the classroom. DON’T forget to refuel When kids are with you, when you’re both on vacation, you know what and when they’re eating, and if they’re staying up late, it’s likely to be watching a movie with you. When school starts again, you lose some control, even if you don’t realize it. You may assume that certain things are happening at school-or in your child’s bedroom-and then wonder what in the world has gotten into your suddenly surly, under-performing kid. Well, if they’re not eating until they’re starved, and they’re on TikTok until midnight… I encourage all my families to be particularly aware of meals. Most kids wake up at 6:30 or 7:00am and may or may not have breakfast. For younger grades, lunch could be anywhere from 10:30 to 1:00. Do we know what they’re eating for lunch? Do they bring lunch or buy hot lunch? How much are they eating? Are they trading their sandwiches for cookies? Are they having a snack during afterschool activities? If they’re not having a snack, they could be coming home ravenous at 5:00pm, not be able to focus on homework for an hour, then get all of the days calories and nourishment at dinner and feel exhausted and have little mental energy for work. Then they get a second wind and are online into the wee hours. The fact is that a well-fed, good sleeper is going to have a better school day and be more efficient with homework than a kid who’s over-tired and starving. DO talk about changing friendships Summer can be a volatile time for young friendships, and talking about what to expect when school starts is a good way to ease kids into the idea that social relationships change. Sometimes your BFF one year may seem a little distant the next year, and letting kids know this sort of thing happens can help them weather these often-painful changes. Being able to share friends with other children, and to have friends overlap, is a skill that’s important to learn, which is why it’s something that warrants discussion. Not all problems need fixing; sometimes kids just want to be able to talk about these upsets without expecting you to fix them; sometimes kids just want parents to validate their feelings and say, “I know that’s hard.” DON’T share your anxieties Parents are often very caught up in their children’s social lives because they want them to make good friends, be happy, and learn social skills that will help them be successful adults. These are all great reasons to be engaged, but kids don’t always understand the interest that way. This is particularly true of anxious kids. For instance, it’s very easy for parents to get into the habit of asking, “Did you make any friends?” when kids come home from school. But that can be shaming for kids who are struggling or still figuring out where they fit in. Better questions would be, “How was your day?” or “Tell me three things you liked about your day,” or “Tell me three things you didn’t like about your day.” Neutral questions are better than ones that a child might interpret as, “If you didn’t make friends, then I’m going to be disappointed in you.” DO have a trial run One way to help kids get off on the right foot—or at least a better foot—is to give kids with anxiety problems, and certainly kids who have refused to go to school in the past, a “dry run” or two before school starts. Driving by the building, walking in the building, getting reacquainted with the smells, sights, and sounds; this can be necessary to make Day One happen at all. Trial runs are also really good for kids transitioning to a new school. Kids who are going from elementary to middle, or middle to upper, have an orientation, but it usually takes place at the end of the previous year. So it’s good to go and take a dry run and map out their classes, where their locker is and that kind of thing. And if a kid puts up a fight and refuses to do that, it could be a red flag that this year will be problematic. But at least you’ve figured this out before school starts. DON’T be afraid of setbacks If you have a child who had some real trouble the year before—like a mood or anxiety problem—and may have made real gains over the summer, you might be tempted to anticipate an easy return to school. But it’s good for parents to temper expectations. Too often we think our children have learned all these new skills and so Day One, Two, and Three should be stellar days. If not, then something’s wrong. But that’s not how it works. We have to let kids ease into it, and allow for ups and downs. If you can accept that, then your child will have more confidence and be able to accept setbacks. DO help kids manage their commitments The tricky part of coming back to school is that the first week or two are usually pretty exciting but slow weeks in terms of work, so it’s easy to get caught up in a false sense of, “Oh, this is easy, and I can take on this, this, and that extracurricular.” Then, October comes along and a kid can think, “Holy crap, I have a lot of work in front of me and where am I going to find the time?” So it might be a good idea to wait on new activities until mid-October and leave enough time for adjustment. The fact is that these days kids tend to get over-involved in clubs, sports, student government, and by the time they get home, they’re exhausted. Maybe by the time they start homework, it’s 9pm, only two hours before bedtime at 11:00. I’ve worked with many kids who get overwhelmed by their activities, and then they get further and further behind in their work, which makes them depressed and prone to procrastinate. It just becomes too much for them to handle. We want parents to temper their expectations for kids, so that kids can practice balance in their own lives; modeling this in your own life can be helpful. For example, you could explain to your child that you were asked to join a fundraising committee but you said no because you realized that you would be overcommitted. Practicing what you preach, and letting your kids see, can be worth a thousand stern reminders. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub DON’T ignore problems To flog this point one more time: Many schools are fantastic, with talented and caring teachers and administrators. But you can’t expect the school to have your insight into your child, or to automatically have the same concerns and knowledge about them. Sometimes the school’s point of view is, “We’re not going to do anything until we see a reason to do something.” That’s why we’d like parents to be more proactive. You need to be your child’s advocate, and if you see them struggling, or you’re worried about them struggling, it’s better to say something sooner rather than later. Read the full article

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gointelligenthealth · 3 months ago

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5 Signs You Need Mental Health Support in New Jersey

Mental health is just as important as physical health, yet many people often overlook it until they’re in a crisis. Whether it’s due to stigma, lack of awareness, or simply not knowing the signs, recognizing when you need mental health support is crucial. In New Jersey, there are a variety of mental health services available, but the first step is identifying when it’s time to seek help. Here are five key signs that you might need mental health support in New Jersey.

Persistent Feelings of Sadness or Depression It’s normal to feel down occasionally, but if you notice that your sadness persists for weeks or even months, it might be more than just a temporary mood. Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or a lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed can be a sign of depression. Depression can affect your daily functioning, making it difficult to concentrate, work, or maintain relationships. If you find yourself feeling low for extended periods and can’t pinpoint the reason, it may be time to seek out New Jersey mental health services for support and treatment options.

2. Increased Anxiety or Constant Worrying Anxiety is a natural response to stress, but chronic anxiety that disrupts your daily life is a cause for concern. If you’re experiencing constant worry, panic attacks, or irrational fears that are hard to control, it might indicate an anxiety disorder. Actual side effects, for example, expanded pulse, perspiring, shaking, or feeling winded frequently go with extreme tension. In New Jersey, mental health services provide counseling and therapeutic approaches to help manage anxiety effectively. Don’t ignore these signs; early intervention can prevent anxiety from worsening.

3. Social Withdrawal and Isolation Another significant sign that you might need mental health support is if you find yourself withdrawing from social interactions. If you used to enjoy spending time with friends and family but now prefer isolation, this could indicate a deeper issue. Social withdrawal is a common symptom of depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders. When you start avoiding people, canceling plans, or isolating yourself, it may be a cry for help. New Jersey mental health services offer support groups and therapy options that can help you reconnect with others and feel more engaged in life.

4. Changes in Sleep Patterns and Appetite Drastic changes in your sleeping habits and appetite can also be signs of mental health issues. Insomnia, oversleeping, or inconsistent sleep patterns can be a symptom of anxiety or depression. Similarly, significant changes in appetite — either eating too much or too little — can be an indication of emotional distress. These changes in behavior not only affect your mental health but can also have physical consequences, such as weight gain or loss, weakened immune system, and fatigue. Consulting with mental health professionals in New Jersey can help identify the underlying causes and provide appropriate treatment plans.

5. Difficulty Managing Everyday Tasks When mental health is compromised, even simple everyday tasks can seem overwhelming. If you find it challenging to manage your daily responsibilities — such as going to work, paying bills, or maintaining personal hygiene — it could be a sign that you need help. Difficulty concentrating, memory problems, and a general sense of being overwhelmed are common symptoms of various mental health disorders, including depression and anxiety. Seeking support from New Jersey mental health services can help you regain control over your life and develop coping strategies to manage stress more effectively.

Conclusion Recognizing the signs that you need mental health support is a critical step toward healing and well-being. If you or someone you know is experiencing persistent sadness, anxiety, social withdrawal, changes in sleep and appetite, or difficulty managing daily tasks, it’s important to reach out for help. In New Jersey, psychological wellness administrations are accessible to offer help, direction, and treatment choices custom-made to your requirements.

Taking that first step can be daunting, but it’s essential for your overall health. For comprehensive mental health support in New Jersey, visit gointelligenthealth.com. They offer a range of services designed to help individuals overcome mental health challenges and lead healthier, more fulfilling lives. Don’t wait for a crisis to seek help; recognizing these signs early and reaching out can make all the difference.

#Mental Health Care New Jersey #mental health nyc #New York Mental health services #New Jersey Mental health services #Mental health Care New York #Anxiety treatment nyc #Psychiatrist new york

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sageglobalresponse · 4 months ago

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How Social Media Can Negatively Affect Your Child

Too much screen time and unrealistic expectations and perceptions and can lead to an increased risk of anxiety and depression

Child using smartphone and with social media and texts bubbles around him

Spending time on social media has become almost a way of life for most adults — scrolling through videos of cuddly cats and wacky dances for hours a day

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But is it healthy for your children to have the same habits? And how do you know if they’re being safe on social media? Is social media good or bad?

Most social media apps require users to be at least 13 years old. But according to the U.S. Surgeon General, nearly 40% of children 8 to 12 years old and 95% of children 13 to 17 years old use social media apps.

In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory on how social media affects children and teenager’s mental health. One scary statistic? Teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media double their risk of depression and anxiety.

If your child is currently on social media or if they’ve been asking to join, it’s important to talk to them about what social media is, what rules you have for it and how it doesn’t always show an accurate picture of someone’s life.

“Social media makes it easy to compare oneself to another,” says child psychologist Kate Eshleman, PsyD. “Most people put on social media what they want you to see. And by using social media, all of us have the ability to access endless information anytime we want to, and that can be very hard for kids.”

Dr. Eshleman discusses the negative effects of social media and — if you’re allowing them to use it — how to talk to your kids about how to stay safe, not overdo it and not take a lot of what they see on there too seriously.

Negative effects of social media

It can be overwhelming to think about all the negative ways your child may be affected by using social media.

While experts are just beginning to understand social media’s impact on children, one study shows that children younger than 11 years old who use Instagram and Snapchat are more likely to have problematic digital behaviors like having online-only friends and visiting sites parents would disapprove of, as well as a greater chance of taking part in online harassment.

And it’s not so easy to give up or limit your child’s time on social media. According to a national survey, 33% of girls 11 to 15 years old feel addicted to social media and more than half of teens say it would be hard to give up social media. The fear of missing out, or FOMO, is real.

So, why can social media be so bad? Dr. Eshleman walks us through the potential risks of social media.

Body image concerns

Too much time on social media apps can lead to an increase in body dissatisfaction, eating disorders and low self-esteem. While this is particularly concerning for teen girls, reports show that 46% of teens 13 to 17 years old said social media made them feel worse about their bodies.

“It’s important to realize that with high-tech phones and various apps, it’s much easier to snap ‘the perfect picture,’ which is likely not a true representation of someone’s appearance,” says Dr. Eshleman.

“However, we all, and especially young people, look at these pictures and admire the beauty. This results in likely comparing oneself to an artificial image, and distress can result if we feel we don’t measure up.”

Cyberbullying

We’re all familiar with bullying — the kind that might happen on the school playground — but cyberbullying, which happens through technology, the internet and social media to harass, threaten or embarrass someone, is just as common.

Harmful language, images and videos are prevalent, with 64% of teens reporting they’re often or sometimes exposed to hate-based content.

“The challenge to cyberbullying is that it’s always there, making it much harder to walk away from the negative interactions,” explains Dr. Eshleman. “It can also be spread much further, much more rapidly, resulting in negative attention being seen and heard far beyond one’s close social circle.”

Online predators

Unfortunately, there are people on social media who target children and teens whether to sexually exploit them, financially extort them or sell them illicitly manufactured drugs. It can be challenging for children and teens to know what to share and what not to share online.

Another alarming stat? Nearly 6 out of 10 teen girls say they’ve been contacted through social media platforms by a stranger in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.

“As a parent, it feels nearly impossible to be aware of and manage all of this. A good place to start is communicating with your children about these potential dangers, letting them know what to be aware of and caution them not to share any information with those they don’t personally know,” advises Dr. Eshleman.

“It’s also important to work to create a safe space for communication, allowing children to come to parents should questions or concerns arise.”

Dangerous viral trends

You’ve probably heard of dangerous viral trends — and the devasting results from trying them like being arrested, needing to be hospitalized and even death.

“Kids don’t have the cognitive and executive functioning to think through harmful situations and why those might be a bad idea,” says Dr. Eshleman. “So, sometimes they’re placing themselves in physical risk.”

Another study talks about how children who use TikTok are developing tics and having tic-like attacks. They’re experiencing a movement disorder brought on by stress and anxiety — presumably made worse by the pandemic and teens’ increased social media consumption.

Changes in their daily behavior

In addition to problematic digital behaviors, there may be changes in children’s daily behavior at home, like:

Increased irritability.

Increased anxiety.

Increased depression.

Increased sleep issues.

Lack of self-esteem.

Lack of focus and concentration.

“If kids are being asked to get off social media and do their homework, or any unpreferred task, then parents might see increased periods of irritability or frustration directed towards parents,” notes Dr. Eshleman. “They’re being asked to do something they don’t want to do and stop doing something they enjoy. Further, there is evidence to show that extended screen time alone negatively impacts mood.

Are there any positive effects of social media?

Social media can have a positive effect on your child, like helping them learn how to communicate with others, navigate relationships and how to manage somebody who isn’t being kind to them. So, no social media at all might not be the best (or realistic) solution for your kids.

But if you decide to let your children use social media, make sure to talk to them about expectations — both yours and theirs. Here are a few tips on how to navigate the social media world together:

Determine if your child is ready. Even if your child is old enough to join a social media platform, they might not be ready for it. As their parent or caretaker, you have a good sense of their maturity level and how they interact with others like coaches and friends. If you’re unsure, Dr. Eshleman suggests doing a test period on social media. “Parents should identify their expectations and communicate those to their children,” she says. “Also, identify consequences of not following them.”

Talk to your kids. From the beginning, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your children about what social media is and what it can be used for. Ask why they’re interested in having an account on a particular platform and what they want to use it for. But as they start venturing into the world of social media, keep talking. “If you hear about a popular TikTok trend or that a newsworthy story is trending, talk to your children about what they think and what they’ve seen,” says Dr. Eshleman.

Limit screen time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting screen time to two hours a day for children. Dr. Eshleman says that’s a good guideline but wants parents to also focus on the big picture — making sure your kid is still getting enough physical activity and face-to-face interactions. “It’s not always just the screen time that’s the problem,” she adds. “It’s what the screen time is in place of.” You can always use a screen time app that automatically sets limits, too, to prevent arguing.

Monitor their usage. Dr. Eshleman suggests checking on what your child is consuming, whether that’s scrolling through their tablet or phone or using a social media monitoring tool. “See what apps are there and familiarize yourself with those,” she says. “Ask yourself if this tool is going to fit your goal.”

Model good behavior. Easier said than done, right? But Dr. Eshleman says practicing safe and healthy social media behaviors in front of your child can go a long way. “It’s much harder for kids to understand the potential dangers or risks of social media when parents engage in the same behaviors themselves,” she says.

Bottom line?

Go easy on yourself as a parent when it comes to social media and your kids. Don’t be afraid to talk to other parents and caregivers about what they do, or ask for help if you’re struggling with how to navigate social media and keep your kids safe.

“For many parents, this is uncharted territory,” Dr. Eshleman realizes. “It takes time and energy, and it can be difficult for parents who are working, raising children and managing household tasks. It’s OK to ask for help.”

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 1 year ago

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513 of 2023

Your first name is seven letters long.

You like your name.

You’re nineteen years old.

You were born in January.

You’re an Aquarius.

You live in the USA.

You live in Illinois.

You live in the suburbs.

You have Irish heritage.

You have Italian heritage.

You’re shorter than five feet.

You weigh less than 110 pounds. (I wish)

You currently have a tan.

Your hair is shoulder length.

You have brown hair.

You have brown eyes.

You have small feet.

You dress casually.

You wear a bit of makeup.

You live with just your mom.

Your parents are divorced.

You’re very close with your mom.

You don’t speak with your dad.

Your family is large and loud.

You get together for major holidays.

You enjoy spending time with your family.

You don’t have any siblings.

You don’t have any pets.

You’re close with one of your grandmothers.

Friends

You have friends in many different groups.

You find yourself able to make friends easily.

Though you don’t hangout with your friends much.

You have friends of every ethnicity.

You have one best friend that you consider a sibling. (had)

Your friends are generally easy going people.

Your friends never fight with each other.

You’re moody. (sometimes)

You’re able to make fun of every situation.

You always find the humor in something and you laugh easily.

You think you’re quite the comedian.

You can be dramatic.

You tend to look for the easy way out of things.

Sometimes you don’t try your hardest and end up quitting.

You don’t open up very easily.

You’re selfish (in some ways, I guess) but you wish you weren’t.

You think it’s because you’re an only child.

You’ve always been protective of your pride.

You grew up as a tomboy.

You never liked girly things.

You’re easy to get along with.

You’re wise.

You’re an introvert.

You become mentally exhausted from long periods of social interaction.

You’re able to entertain yourself when you’re alone.

You do your most constructive thinking when you’re alone.

Your favorite music genre falls under alternative rock.

You also love electronic music.

You love horror films.

You like horror in general.

Halloween is your favorite holiday.

You love pasta.

You also love peanut butter.

Breakfast is your favorite meal of the day.

You like to run for exercise.

You like to get exercise in general.

You like yoga.

You like to meditate.

You like to write.

You enjoy photography.

You like anime and manga.

You love being surrounded by nature.

You’re a horseback rider.

You like hockey.

You prefer movies over television.

You love thunderstorms.

Autumn is your favorite season.

You absolutely love wearing hoodies

You like to smoke weed.

You also like to get drunk at parties.

Your favorite color is purple

.Uncategorized

You have bipolar disorder.

You’ve been to Ireland.

You were born without the sense of smell.

You have been in a car wreck.

You’ve moved more than three times.

Your best subject in school was English.

You didn’t try your hardest in school.

You have been admitted to a mental health institution.

You have contemplated suicide.

You are currently single.

There is someone in particular that you want to be in a relationship.

You have had two boyfriends in your life so far.

You lost your virginity when you were fifteen.

You’re not into romance.

You’re somewhat insecure when it comes to relationships.

You’ve always felt better on your own.

You cling to someone too fast.

You’ve had a few friends with benefits.

You have never been in love.

Your longest relationship lasted for two years or more.

You once thought you were bisexual.

You would get sexual with a female but you would never date one.

In your mind you’re quite horny.

But when it comes to getting physical with someone you’re insecure

You’d rather pleasure your partner than get pleasured yourself.

You feel more confident when you’re the one in control.

You’ve dated someone outside your race.

You’ve had a horrible breakup.

You’ve dealt with a friend dating your ex.

You’ve been a psycho ex.

You’re not sure if you want to get married.

You’re not sure if you want kids.

#survey #bolding survey #random survey

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creatur3creati0ns · 1 year ago

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The Past 20 Years

I thought this would be the best way to start this blog. I think that’s still what this is called. Clearly I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve told my life story before to a lot of people, yet every time I try to sit down to write some of it out, I just don’t know where to start.

Trigger warning for mentions of religious trauma, childhood trauma and abuse, mental illness struggles, mention of self harm and suicidal ideation, alcoholism, eating disorders, fatphobia, homophobia and transphobia.

I was born in Michigan, and when I was around five my parents moved me and my twin (fraternal) sister to Arizona. Around then, my grandfather passed away from lung cancer. Sometime before that, I think, my parents got divorced. I have a very bad memory, a lot of that is attributed to childhood trauma and abuse and lifelong dissociation. I really only remember what my mother has told other people while I’m in the same room.

My father always lived nearby, and eventually he moved back into the house. Separate room than my mother, but because she would leave town for work often, it was easier for him to care for us while she was gone. My dad is retired from General Motors and is an Army veteran. My mother was a commercial bus driver. My sister and I got to go on trips a lot because of it. Everyone from out of the country loved the two twins who were dressed up as cowgirls.

Sometime in third grade, my parents moved us to a rural part of Arizona. Very small and conservative town. We lived on about four acres of land, with neighbors pretty far away. We were about 15 mins from town, from civilization. The church me and my sister were dragged to every Sunday was about forty-five minutes away. It was then that my mother went back to college. After a few years, with homeschooling thrown in there, my sister and I got moved to a bigger town about two hours away.

This is probably when I start remembering my life the most. Now is a good time to mention my stomach problems, because it’s a huge part of my life and after reading this whole thing a few times, I have nowhere else to stick this paragraph in. My mother says I was practically born with these stomach issues, I don’t remember them as a young kid, only when I hit maybe 11 or 12. Without getting into too much detail, something is wrong with my stomach. I would love to be more descriptive, but after literal years of allergy tests and diets and even an endoscopy, no one has any idea what is wrong with it. Every food and drink (even water) upsets it and I have stomach pain nearly constantly. It’s gotten better in the past two years, mainly due to not being in school or around my family, but it’s still pretty awful. On average I spend at least two hours in the bathroom each day because of this, and I have to be careful with consuming anything in public if I don’t have a bathroom near me. Okay, that’s personal enough. It’s a big problem. I’ve had chronic health problems all my life, so just keep that in mind as you read later about the other crazy shit that my body pulls.

A few months into fifth grade we went back to public school, and my mother finished her college degree for social work about a year or two later. We were living in our van for a while, then an RV, then an apartment, and then finally the house where I would spend the rest of my childhood. My dad lived in his own room across the hall.

My dad is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and has been on medication for it most of my life. He’s also an alcoholic. Three beers before noon, more throughout the day. He never was really drunk unless my mother had friends over. I didn’t like when he was drunk. He got louder. My father had anger issues my whole life. He yelled over anything someone did that upset him, except if it was my mother who did it. She was always the one in charge. Even though they were divorced he was deeply in love with her. He acted more like an adult older brother who still lived at home. He never acted like a father. I have a lot of trauma from his yelling. Dropping a glass or a drink or running into something. Folding a towel the wrong day, not cooking the way he liked. Any time I was in the kitchen he would come in and stand behind me, watching and not saying anything. I’m still working through all that. But I used to watch westerns with him on the couch, his arm around me. We would watch baseball and football, but baseball was my favorite. Or at least, it was his favorite. I got a lot of my music taste from him. Rock and roll on the radio whenever he was driving us somewhere. We bonded over that as I got older. I dyed my hair orange when I turned 18, and he loved it. Orange is his favorite color. When I started getting piercings he loved those too. Asked when I was going to get a tattoo. He had a few old ones from when he was younger, and he loved talking about them almost as much as I loved asking about them. As an outsider, my dad was a pretty cool guy. But he was an awful father.

I was always closer with my mother. I’m having a hard time right now thinking about what to write about her. She has some good qualities, but I’m not at the point in my life where I could name them sincerely. She is suspected to have borderline personality disorder that is untreated and ignored. She had horrific childhood trauma that she would casually talk about over Christmas dinner. It was her dad that passed from lung cancer. She tried her best, that’s what she always told me. But I honestly don’t care. She was a horrible mother, a horrible person.

At thirteen, I was in a car accident. Rear-ended at a stoplight while my dad was driving. My sister and I were in the back seat, and the car was totaled. The guy hit us at about 30 miles per hour. Hit the gas instead of the brake. We went home to eat dinner, and then my dad took us to the ER. Mild whiplash, no scans, no nothing. Told to go home. The next day I had my first ever panic attack.

About a year of panic attacks, self harm, grades dropping, and suicidal ideation, I finally told my mother about it. Primary care physician appointments nearly every week led to a Phoenix Children’s Hospital referral. Psychology, neurology, anyone who might help. After about another year I left with a diagnosis of a traumatic brain injury, social anxiety, and major depressive disorder. I was put onto medication. I switched medications about eight more times. Eventually my mother didn’t let me try anymore. Soon after I started getting chronic migraines and nausea. The nausea went away sometimes, but for over a year I had a migraine constantly. At its lowest it was a 5 on the pain scale. It never went away. When I woke up and when I went to bed it was always there. Even a shot of Toradol in my ass didn’t make a dent.

This is where I’ll talk more about my mother. Most of the issues started after the car accident. Along with my struggles came her ignorance. I would break down in front of her over school, she would stare at me coldly, saying that grades and graduating is important and that she’s trying everything that she can. I would say I was suicidal and self harming, she would cry and say she was an awful mother. I would leave the conversation with me having consoled her, telling her she’s great and I’m going to be okay. Of course, her doing everything in her power consisted of taking me to church programs that were meant to heal me, asking her prayer group to pray for me, telling me to pray and meditate when my chronic migraines were getting so bad I could barely stand, and threatening to take me to the hospital if I kept saying I was suicidal. The one time she took me to the ER, she wouldn’t let them put me into an inpatient program. She took me home to be on suicide watch. She said if I hurt myself during it that she would be arrested. She took me off my antidepressants and told me not to tell my doctors, to lie and say I was still on them. She did everything she could think of, but apparently she never thought of actually listening to what I was asking for.

I had started therapy maybe a month before my car accident, because I had come to accept that I was bisexual and I knew that, according to my mother and my father and my grandmother and my church and the Bible, it was a sin. That therapist stopped answering our calls after my mother told him that a few sessions in.

My mother continued switching me from therapist to therapist, most of them Christian, none of them I had a say in. When I finally found one that I connected with and who was helping me make progress, my mother stopped making me see her. I was realizing that my mother was abusing me, and I was trying to help myself and set boundaries, and according to her, “I’m your mother, you can’t have any boundaries with me.” So that therapist was out. With all the therapists I had seen, one of the worst was my second one, who was the step-daughter of the first therapist who ghosted me. She liked to quote scripture at me, and say that she wished God would let her love gay people, but unfortunately he didn’t.

The worst therapist I had ever seen, by far, was a woman who specialized in equine therapy. I was never into horses. My mother, though, loved horses dearly, which was of course the only thing that mattered. When talking to her, it was fine. I don’t remember it much. The way she practiced therapy, though, was, in my opinion, unacceptable. Because she recognized that I struggled with placing boundaries (because I was told by my mother that I couldn’t), she decided to try to help me by placing me across the room and speed walking toward me, not stopping until I place my hand out in front of me and say “stop” loud and clear. As you can imagine, this caused issues, because this was her very first solution to this problem, rather than actually talking about it. And refusing to stop until I say “stop” in a way that she likes seems pretty messed up. Each time she did it I was forced closer and closer to a panic attack. She told me her eventual plan was to have herself replaced by a horse, who was walking (maybe even trotting) towards me. This probably would have killed me, because I was honestly afraid of horses at the time. Yes, my mother knew this, no, it did not matter. Any time we interacted with the horses, I was filled with anxiety and fear and every week I dreaded the appointment, and left with more trauma than I came in with. I asked to stop the appointments quickly, but my mother made me go for at least a month. After I left, I was done with therapists for a while.

I struggled through school since the car accident. My sister and I changed schools after starting 9th grade. I almost dropped out a few times, and I don’t think anyone actually expected me to graduate. I sure didn’t. I had to get a 504, which was basically a set of rules my teachers had to legally follow because of my disabilities. My brain injury, and at the time, chronic migraines and nausea. This meant extra time on assignments, no presenting in front of the class, no being called on in class, and being able to leave class at any moment to go to the office if I started having a panic attack. I had to do this often. Some weeks it was every day, and I would be there for hours, missing classes. This caused me to fall behind more. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital twice during high school, once in December of 2019, and again in April of 2021. I graduated in May of 2021, and walked across the stage high out of my mind on the half pill of gabapentin my mother gave me before the ceremony.

The last therapist I saw as a minor was through my high school. I was very close with the principal and guidance counselor due to my issues. We had to interact daily due to my 504 and me being constantly in the office. The last semester of senior year I took every class via Microsoft Teams while working in the guidance counselor’s office. My anxiety and depression had reached a point where I could not be in a classroom setting and around other people. She mentioned starting a group therapy for students, and when the therapist came to the school I was the only one who had signed up. I saw my chance, and I told him everything. The car accident, the panic attacks, the abuse, the self harm, the suicidal ideation, the fact that I was so sure I wasn’t going to graduate high school but my whole life depended on it and it was all my mother cared about. I had less than an hour and I talked the whole time because I knew this was my only chance. I hadn’t seen a therapist in a while and I was self harming daily, and was very close to a very real suicide attempt. And so he went out to the parking lot where my mother was (that’s a whole other crazy story. For a short time she was parked in front of the office all day to “make sure” I was doing my work and to “be there” if I ended up having a panic attack. My principal was not pleased.) and tried to talk her into letting me become his client. She told him that I had an eating disorder, which at the time, I had no idea she knew about because she never asked or did anything about it. There’s another point off for the Mother of the Decade award there. Long story short, she signed the forms, and he came to the school every week to see me. I joined the group therapy anyway, but the students just ended up unintentionally triggering me and the worksheets given out weren’t helpful if you had been in therapy for around four years already. He helped me get through the last few months of my high school career. He helped me go back to inpatient psychiatric care when things just got worse. When I turned 18 he still kept me as his client, despite being a therapist for adolescents. I stopped seeing him about a month after I moved out, because the company he worked for realized they weren’t getting paid by insurance so we had to end sessions immediately. He wasn’t the best therapist I’ve ever had (my current ones are a lot to live up to), but he quite literally saved my life and got me through the last few months as a minor, and for that I owe him. He was a sick dude and I hope he’s still good.

I turned eighteen five days before I graduated, and the first thing I did as a legal adult was go to the DMV and get my ID. My partner and I had been planning for a few months to move to Phoenix. Them for college, me to get the hell away from my family. I needed an ID for that, along with getting piercings and tattoos, which I knew I wanted to do immediately. My mother hated tattoos, piercings, and dyed hair but always told me that once I turned 18, I could do what I wanted with my appearance, even if I was still living with her. This proved to be a lie, because when I dyed my hair at 18 she got mad I didn’t ask her, and when my sister and I wanted piercings, we had to let her know in advance and promise it wasn’t a septum piercing because we were “still under her roof”. Don’t worry, after I moved I continued to mess up my appearance without letting her know and gave her multiple mini heart attacks over it. And I of course got a septum piercing. It felt good.

August of 2021, the lawsuit against the driver who hit me in 2016 finally came to an end, and I was awarded, quite frankly, a fuck-ton of money. I was eighteen. Safe to say the money lasted a little over a year. Between crazy medical bills and the fact that I was a teenager who just got out of an abusive household and started living with my partner, the money went by quickly. Especially when I wasn’t earning any money. For a year I stayed inside our apartment, had therapy appointments every week, doctor appointments almost every week, many tests and procedures and hospital trips. I started to have chronic hives a month into moving into my apartment, with no apparent cause. Every allergy test came back negative, and no one had any idea what was going on, but I was still spending a lot of money trying to figure it out. It landed me in Urgent Care about three times, due to my face blowing up about three times normal size. I left with a Prednisone prescription and an epipen. After 3 months of hives that never went away and would get worse randomly, my therapist suggested my body was trying to tell me that now was the time to start medically transitioning after waiting for five-ish years. Weirder things have happened, and there was a lot of evidence as to why this might be the case. This is probably something I want to talk about at some point, my relationship to my body and how it communicates with me. And it was communicating pretty clearly. “Testosterone now or I’m going to kill you” was heard loud and clear. I was in a safe place, physically, and, at the time, had money. So one gender therapist appointment and a single phone call later, I started testosterone February 17, 2022. I haven’t had hives since.

I developed an eating disorder in middle school, not long after my car accident. I don’t think those are related, but my mother was plus size all my life and there was not a day that went by that she didn’t speak badly of herself, and that definitely is related. Same for my grandmother. They were on diets constantly. I was put on diets due to my stomach issues, but never for my weight. I was average weight as a kid, and at around 14 I started gaining weight. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for my mother to comment on it. Into the “thinspo” and “ana” pipeline we go. I remained thin for years, and when I moved out I was probably at my lowest weight. Then my hives started. I was put on steroids for months straight. A side effect of that is weight gain. I don’t know how much I weigh, because I chose not to weigh myself, but I think saying I gained 70/80 pounds wouldn’t be too far off. It was a big change, something I could not control. All I could do was watch. It was a lot to get used to so suddenly, especially when dealing with so many other things in my life. My body was changing even before I started testosterone. As most people with an eating disorder know, gaining weight is your greatest fear. Pretty quickly my eating disorder got worse, and an old eating disorder I hadn’t had in years got kicked into high gear. I am fat now, and I am more than okay with that. It took around two years to come to terms with that, and it’s only been the last few months where I finally felt comfortable calling myself fat. My body will never be the way it was before. There’s stretch marks and fat where there wasn’t before. I’m no longer the thin 18 year old. But that’s what life is. I’m 20, and I’m on testosterone, and I have tattoos and piercings and stretched ears and dyed hair. I’m never going to look like I did before and that’s okay. I like that. I’m a lot happier with my body now. Unlearning internalized fatphobia was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m really proud of it. It’s still something I struggle with, but now I can say I’m “recovering” from my eating disorders, and that itself gives me hope.

I realized I was transgender when I was 14. There were signs before then, but as I said at the beginning of this, my memory is pretty bad. Since my mother didn’t know about this, I can only guess the timeline based off of my Snapchat memories and pictures I took at the time. I don’t remember exactly what was the final nudge, but one thing that sticks out is when my mother told me to be careful with how I styled my short hair, because I could “look like a boy”. I admitted to myself that that’s what I wanted. I did want to look like a boy. There were a lot of other complicated feelings that I honestly don’t remember. I told my best friend at the time, and she was accepting. I told my sister a few days later, and as always, she loved me and accepted me. I first identified as genderfluid, but that lasted maybe a day. I realized nonbinary fit better. I wasn’t a girl, I was neutral. I wanted to look androgynous and slightly masculine. I used they/them pronouns with close friends for a few years, and I went by Noah. At 17, not long before I turned 18, I told my best friend I am trans guy and my pronouns are he/they. I had known I wanted top surgery and hormone replacement therapy for years, and I knew I could still do that using they/them pronouns and being nonbinary, but one day I just looked in the mirror and it all clicked together. I’m a trans guy. I still don’t connect with “trans man”, and if we were to get into it fully, I am still nonbinary. But “trans guy” is the best descriptor for me right now. In late August of 2021 I told my best friend that I really liked the name Ezra, and had been thinking about it for months. I finally told my partner (over text, because I was terrified), and then came out to everyone on my Instagram and Snapchat, which had my friends and old classmates, as Ezra and using he/they pronouns. I try not to focus on the fact that I can’t completely remember how I learned I was transgender, and choose to focus on the fact that transitioning brings me a lot of euphoria and has turned my life upside down in the best way possible. I am so much more comfortable in my body, my life, my appearance, my relationships, and just how I move throughout the world. I am, for the first time, happy and content in myself. Still need top surgery, but you know, money.

I came out to my mother via text in late February of 2022. My grandmother said it was the same as if my mother texted me telling me that she has cancer. So you can imagine this was well received. I endured a week of phone calls and texts where my mother was crying, saying she wanted to kill herself. She told me she called a suicide hotline the night I came out to her. She was texting my sister constantly asking where she went wrong. She told me several times she “knew in her heart” that I wasn’t trans, that this was just the current trend. She was angry that I had never told her this before. There was a Zoom call with her and my sister where she spent most of the time crying and denying the homophobia and transphobia I was brought up on. My partner was out of frame holding my hand. The call ended with me breaking down in tears, telling her that I’m fighting to be heard here and that I’m sure about this and have been dealing with it for years and this is something that I never brought up because I knew this is how she would react. Eventually the call ended, and the next morning I had a therapy appointment. We talked about everything, and I decided I needed space from my mother. I told her that, and I have not talked to her since in 551 days. There has been one message from her since then, where she did not apologize, and said she loved me amongst a bunch of religious bullshit. My grandmother berated me over text and when I told her I was not going to have a conversation about it, she berated me more. I haven’t talked to her since then too, despite her texting me twice since then saying where Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner would be held if I was “still interested in family” and asking if I had “divorced myself completely from my family” which is truly a hilarious sentence. I, of course, never answered. My dad shared his opinion, which was based on misleading comments my mother told him. When I told him the truth, he never responded. Haven’t talked to him since, either. I am still very close with my sister, but it makes things hard when family gets brought up. I do my best with placing boundaries and being honest, and she is endlessly supportive and loving, just like she has been all my life. I’m doing a lot better. Going no contact was the best thing I could have done. In the week after I came out, both my mother and grandmother said horrible things about me to my sister and to her roommate. Things I don’t want to repeat here. Things like how I’m not her child anymore. I never got an apology from anyone. I think they expect me to come back and pretend everything is normal. I have a lot of family nightmares, and I’m working through all of this extensively in therapy. I’ll probably talk about all this more another time. But it’s still hard to think about. I was 18 when I stopped talking to most of my family.

Not long after my hives disappeared in 2022, and pretty soon after cutting contact with my parents and grandmother, I got kidney stones. That was a bad night. My partner had to drive me to the ER at 2am. I don’t have my license, mainly due to the issues I was facing in high school. All my energy went to staying in school and staying alive. Plus a car accident that gives you a traumatic brain injury and an insane amount of mental health problems is pretty traumatizing and doesn't really make you want to jump behind the wheel. By the time I realized my stomach pain was not my normal stomach pain, was consistently getting worse through the hours, and was in fact an emergency, the kidney stones were almost done passing. Still had to endure medical care professionals who had apparently never met a trans person before and a fun little CT scan. So I lived through that, without support from my parents, and that was tough but it showed me that I was able to live without them. I was 19 at the time.

The therapist I’m seeing now is, funnily enough, the same therapist my mother stopped me from seeing when I realized I was in an abusive household. After moving I found her on LinkedIn and contacted her. I’ve been seeing her for almost two years. She’s a great therapist and the progress we have made is immeasurable.

Another health issue that came up, around seven or eight months ago at this point, was photophobia. Photophobia is a sensitivity to light. It’s a symptom of a bigger condition. You guessed it, I have no idea what the condition is. This isn’t really the fault of doctors, though, my primary care physician said there was nothing physically wrong with my eyes and referred me to an opthamologist, but that’s about when the money ran out so I still haven’t been able to figure it out. All I know is that it is very painful. My left eye is worse than the right for some reason. Photophobia burns, it feels like someone squirt hand sanitizer in my eyes. My eyes get red and watery, tears start flowing and I physically can’t open my eyes without immense pain. The only way I have been able to help it is to turn off all the lights and close the blinds, lay down for a bit with my eyes closed, after maybe 30 minutes open them, and then slowly introduce lights back into the room. It’s a whole ordeal.

I think those are all of my health conditions, and they are very hard to deal with. This in addition to my mental health conditions make living very difficult, let alone living well. I don’t leave the house much, mainly due to my anxiety and my eyes. I’ve had the same friends since high school and I love them dearly but I’ve really only made one in my adult life, and I’m 20 now. Because I can’t drive I rely on others to get me where I need to go, unless there’s an easy bus route. I wasn’t able to take the bus for the first year and a half when I moved out due to my anxiety. Even the thought of it sent me into panic attacks. I can’t be out in the heat for too long, which sucks because I live in the Phoenix, Arizona area. I have bad heat intolerance, so bad that any time I leave the house I have to bring an ice pack. I used to not be able to walk long distances for a while without insane leg cramps (something that testosterone effects, apparently) but thankfully that’s gone away. I’m very much not physically or mentally healthy, despite how often I try to treat these issues.

I did have a job, though. Only the one, after the money ran out. March 11, 2023 to May 11, 2023. Doing exactly two months was an accident. I worked as a retail recovery associate for J.C. Penney. It was hell. I was having panic attacks almost daily, dissociating during the whole shift. My stomach issues were a hundred times worse, and the photophobia was acting up daily. I had to leave work because of it twice. I couldn’t see and it looked like I was sobbing while hanging up clothes. I liked the job, the work, some of my coworkers, and the customers. Repetitive and easy. I liked talking to new people daily. Misgendering was a huge problem, despite me wearing a pronoun pin. It doesn’t help that I was placed in the women’s clothing section because that’s where I was needed. Coworkers would misgender me constantly, one even found out my deadname somehow and wrote it down on a paper we were using for the dressing rooms. The main issues were with the managers. Every time I tried to call out because of my medical issues or just straight up fear and anxiety, no one would answer the phone, no matter how many times I called. I would leave a message on the manager’s phone, because that’s all I could do. Apparently they weren’t getting these messages, and thought I was always a no call no show. They didn’t tell me this until the day before I quit. They were deducting points from me without my knowledge and I reached a point where so many points were taken that I would be fired. I had to leave that day because of my eyes, but the second I left the store I had a panic attack. I called and quit the next day. No one answered the phone, so I had to leave a message. I still don’t know if they actually got that message.

Since then I’ve been unemployed. I’ve been to a lot of interviews, but no luck. My partner of almost three years has been completely financially supporting me. Thankfully my insurance covers my psychotherapy and EMDR appointments I have weekly, but my partner pays for my testosterone (about $50 a month) and my prescription medications (about $20 a month). They pay all of our rent and have been for months. They pay for our food and for the food for our pet bunny, Bunjamin Buttons. As you can imagine, that causes a lot of pressure on them and some issues for us. We’re working through it a lot right now, but that’s a story for another time.

I think you’re pretty much caught up! This is the first time I’ve ever written (most) everything down, and clearly it’s not in chronological order. Hopefully it was understandable. But that’s what I’m working with! At 20 years old I’ve lived the life of 10 men, it feels like. And I have the brain injury, OCD, PTSD, major depressive disorder, social anxiety, eating disorders, and depersonalization/derealization diagnoses to show for it. Fuck.

#life story #queer #transgender #trans guy #personal writing #writing #nonfiction writing #nonfiction #personal essay

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anonymousandtalentless · 2 years ago

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Parent teacher conference

This is quite an embarrassing topic for me. It is embarrassing because I feel like when it’s brought up people never actually mean it in the same way I do. I joke about it to hide the effect it has on me. I use humour to heal and live amongst my demons and in a way I enjoy their company but I strongly despise this one. He lurks in the corner not saying a word, staring at me reminding me that it’s time to go home.

I have struggled with loneliness enough for a lifetime. Amongst my other inner turmoils he has been the most present and the one that stuck around the longest. He is perhaps the first emotion I felt and have recollection of. I am so ashamed to admit it. The notion of hiding your pain with humour is truly about you. I pretend like I like you because I truly have no other choice. You forced me to like you, you did not give me the option and as much as I want to get rid of you I can’t. Because of you I am a hoarder, I collect people that do not serve me, people that don’t bring me joy for the simple fact that I am scared of how I will look if I have nobody. I often find myself making mental lists of people I have in my life to remind myself I am not alone. From all of my quirks this is the one I truly hate. This is the only one I am not proud of and find harmful. My depression, my anxiety, my eating disorder all serve me in a way or another. But you, my loneliness do not serve me, you bring me down, you shut me down, you make me feel like a loser, like I am worthless.

I am here, in front of you admitting that I am lonely and that I am a loner. For some reason admitting it feels like my biggest battle. Maybe it is because I cultivated this feeling for 24 years, maybe because I saw my mom struggle, maybe it is because I surround myself with people so different from me that don’t have the same struggle. Perhaps I surround myself with extroverted souls because I am jealous and think that if I spend enough time in their presence I might, one day, live the life they live. Sadly it is not true, I feel like the weight of my loneliness just brings other people down to become just like me. I am often the friend that “let’s just netflix and chill”, let’s just stay in our pajamas, let’s just watch a movie. I am the friend that people feel so good spending time with once in a while because they “don’t go crazy”. I was the “healthy” choice one too many times in my life.

Let’s be honest here, I have no friends, I don’t have that friendship that people often talk about. You know how you’re supposed to have going out friends and true friends. In a way I only have going out friends that don’t really go out. Being with my social butterfly partner just makes me realize how much of my life I lived in my head. I don’t have crazy stories or adventures. I have emotional analysis and artistic phases that are accompanied by yours truly.

Truth is, I don’t help myself much. I don’t go out of my way to change the situation. I want people around when I need them, which is once every couple of months.

In case you weren’t aware but the topic of friends came up in every single parent teacher conference. Teachers often worry that I prefer anchoring myself to one person or staying behind during recess to draw.

I don’t think that I am unlikable, I actually make very good initial connections and often get great feedback on what a “chill” person I am. I guess people just enjoy that initial connection but not enough to invest time into it.

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yasminbenoit · 4 years ago

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What Is Asexuality? Yasmin Benoit for Teen Vogue

For Asexuality Awareness Week, model Yasmin Benoit answers the question ‘what is asexuality’, and busts some common myths about what it means to be asexual.

I realized I was asexual around the same time my peers seemed to realize that they were not. Once the hormones kicked in, so did a nearly universal interest in sex for those around me. I thought sex was intriguing, but never so much that I wanted to express my sexuality with someone else. I had no sexual desire towards other people, I did not experience sexual attraction, and that hasn't changed.

I didn't learn that there was a word for my sexuality until I was 15, after being interrogated for the millionth time at school about my orientation, or lack of it. After doing some Googling as soon as I got home, I realized for the first time in my life that I might not be broken, that I wasn't alone in my experience, and that it wasn't a defect I had somehow brought on myself. I had spent the entirety of my adolescent life trying to answer people's invasive questions without having the language to explain that I was just an asexual girl.

But even after I found the language, I had only solved half of the problem. We are taught in grade school that we'll become sexually interested in others, but never that not being sexually attracted to anyone is an option. Because we're not taught about it, no one else knew what I was talking about when I tried to come out to them as asexual.

Many don't believe asexuality is real, and that makes the experience of navigating our heteronormative, hyper-sexualized society as an asexual person even harder. I've spent my life battling misconceptions about it and so have many other asexual people. Now, I try to use my work as a model and activist to raise awareness and change the way our society perceives asexuality and asexual people. This Asexual Awareness Week, I'm busting some of those myths about my orientation.

Now, let's separate fact from fiction:

Myth: Asexual people have no sexuality ✘

Truth: Asexuality is considered a sexuality, just like bisexuality, heterosexuality, and homosexuality. I often phrase it as being a sexual orientation where your sexuality isn’t oriented anywhere—because it isn't actually the same as having no sexuality or sexual feelings. Asexual people have hormones like everyone else. It isn’t uncommon for asexual people to masturbate and there are asexual people who still have sex for various reasons and gain enjoyment from it. Some asexual people are romantically attracted to others, but not sexually attracted. Since asexuality is a spectrum, the ways in which asexuality is experienced can vary in different ways.

Myth: Asexuality is a lifestyle choice ✘

Truth: This misconception stems from the idea that asexuality is a choice and not a legitimate sexual orientation. Asexuality is often confused with celibacy or abstinence, probably because they can manifest in similar ways. In contemporary society, celibacy is often defined as being sexually abstinent, often for religious reasons. Sure, for many asexual people, their asexuality means that they aren’t interested in having sex with other people, but that’s a result of their orientation—not their beliefs about sexual behavior. Celibacy is a lifestyle choice, asexuality is not. Asexuality also shouldn't be confused with being an incel. People don't decide to become asexual because they can't find sexual partners or because of any other circumstances. It isn't a state of being when you're going through a "dry spell," nor is it a choice any more than being gay or straight is a choice. It's just the way we are.\

Myth: Asexuality is an illness ✘

Truth: The assertion that asexuality is a mental or physical disorder is incredibly harmful to asexual people and has led to false diagnoses, unnecessary medication, and attempts at converting asexual people. For example, Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder and Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder — which are characterized by low or absent sex drive — are in the DSM-5 and have been thought of as a medical diagnosis for asexuality. But the difference is that people who have HSDD are bothered by their lack of sexual drive, while asexual people are not. But even the inclusion of HSDD as a diagnosis is controversial — some argue that people who are asexual might feel distress at their lack of sexual desire because of lack of acceptance in society. Asexuality is not the result of a hormone deficiency, or a syndrome, or a physical or psychological ailment. Research has said as much. We don't need to be treated or fixed.

Myth: Asexual people have anti-sex attitudes ✘

Truth: There are asexual people who are repulsed by the thought of sex, or by the thought of having sex themselves. I fall into the latter category. However, that feeling does not necessarily extend to what other people are doing. The misconception that asexual people are against other people expressing their sexuality, and that all asexual people can’t stomach conversations about sex, is quite an alienating one. It leads to asexual people being left out of important discussions about sexuality. It is entirely possible and incredibly common to have sex-positive attitudes and be asexual.

Myth: There are barely any asexual people ✘

Truth: Don't let our lack of visibility and representation fool you. There are a lot of asexual people out there, but many of us aren't entirely out, and some haven't realized that there's a word for what they're experiencing due to that lack of visibility. While research into the asexual population is lacking, its estimated that around 1% of the population is asexual—but that's based on a studies where the participants have likely known what asexuality was and been out enough to identify that way. It's likely there are more asexual people than we know of, but even if we did only comprise 1% of the population, that's still tens of millions of asexual people.

Myth: Asexual people just haven’t found the right person yet ✘

Truth: The idea that asexual people just need to meet the ‘right person’ who will unlock their sexual desire and ‘fix’ their asexuality is one I’ve always found quite perplexing. It’s an argument that seems to be applied to asexuality more than other orientations. You wouldn’t tell a straight guy that they just “hadn’t met the right man yet" as an explanation of why he's attracted to women. I’d like to think that most wouldn’t tell a gay man that they “hadn’t met the right woman yet” either. It suggests that our sexuality is reflective of our company, that no one we have ever seen or encountered has met our standards, and thus we haven’t experienced sexual attraction to the extent that the term ‘asexual’ could be applied.

This assumption ignores and invalidates all of the asexual people who have found the ‘right’ person—the asexual people in happy, fulfilling, loving relationships or who have had them in the past. Because, yes, asexual people can still have romantic relationships, or any other kind of relationship. The validity of a relationship is not and should not be based on how sexually attracted you are to that person. This statement also plays into the notion that asexual people are “missing out” on something and haven’t truly discovered our entire selves, that we are incomplete because of our innate characteristics or our life experiences. This isn’t true either.\

Myth: There’s an asexual demographic ✘

Truth: Even though most people don’t know much about asexuality, they still have quite a specific idea about what asexual people are like. I’ve often heard that, as a black woman and a model, I don’t look or seem asexual. We’re stereotyped as being awkward white kids who spend too much time on social media and probably aren’t attractive enough to find a sexual partner if we wanted to. And if we are attractive enough, then we should tone that down as not to ‘give mixed signals.’ But there is no asexual way to look or dress. Asexual people have varying ages, backgrounds, interests, appearances, and experiences, just like those belonging to any other sexual orientation. So please don't use the term "asexual" as an adjective to describe someone you think is sexually unappealing or as an insult, because that's only perpetuating this harmful stereotype.

Makeup: Margherita Lascala

Photography: Becky Gannon

Hair: Kayla Idowu

Styling: Diesel, Cheimsee, Sixth June, Northskull, Lamoda

#yasmin benoit #asexuality #ace week #ace week 2020 #asexual awareness week #asexual #aromantic #lgbt #pride #asexual pride #this is what asexual looks like #lgbtqia #lgbtqa #acephobia #aphobia #alternative black girl #alternative model #black model

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