#no working out your salvation with fear and trembling just — it was like a say no to drugs skit

[hiswordsarekisses]

“Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is Elohim who is working in you both to desire and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭12‬-13

Whenever there is a “Therefore,” it’s important to back to to what was before the “therefore” - so to find out why Paul is saying we should work out our salvation with fear and trembling we have to go to the previous text:

“If, then, there is any encouragement in Messiah, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, having the same love, one in being and of purpose, doing none at all through selfishness or self-conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each one should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. For, let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a matter to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, and came to be in the likeness of men. And having been found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, death even of a cross. God, therefore, has highly exalted Him and given Him the Name which is above every name, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2‬:‭1‬-‭11‬

The verb κατεργάζομαι is used in the New Testament to convey the idea of working out or bringing something to completion. It often implies a process of labor or effort that results in a particular outcome. This term can refer to both physical and spiritual endeavors, emphasizing the active role of individuals in achieving a result or effect.

Cultural and Historical Background: In the Greco-Roman world, labor and work were integral to daily life, with a strong emphasis on productivity and the completion of tasks. The concept of working out or accomplishing something was not only relevant in economic and social contexts but also in philosophical and ethical discussions. In the New Testament, this term is often used metaphorically to describe spiritual growth and the manifestation of faith through actions.

It is my understanding that Paul is encouraging us to press on and not to give up on ourselves, because God has supplied the power necessary to make the changes that need to be made in us. He says in another place “we have given everything we need for life and godliness.

We should be checking ourselves for proof that God has given us a new heart by our actions - are we bearing the fruit of a new heart in a process of consistent growth?

Are we dying to self and laying our lives down for others and putting their needs above our own?

It can be stressful wondering about whether our salvation is true or whether we are self-deceived, and I can relate to the fear and trembling.

I believe that God has caused it to be this way on purpose so that we do not become comfortable in this world or become full of pride in ourselves on account of growth.

It should be no light thing for us to be ““Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Can’t you see for yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you—unless you actually fail the test?” 2nd-Corinthians‬-13‬:‭5‬

And what is that test?

Verse 8 explains that the test is are you living by His Word? “For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth.”

And the number one test, and of a true follower of God will be love. Are we growing to love like Jesus?

This is not something we can do on our own. God’s love is miraculous and it is the organic fruit of the new heart He gives us.

When I fear I do not love enough, which is always - I pray that He will perfect His love in me so that I can love with His love. Then I have no choice but to trust Him to do just that - since it is “HIM Who causes us to will and to act according to His good purpose.”

[threeangelscry]

Why Did God Give the Commandments? Why Did Jesus Call Us to Self-Denial?

1. Why Am I Posting This?

A question that has been haunting me, even in my sleep: Why has Jesus not returned yet? What is delaying His coming?

I know He is merciful and does not want anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9), but then it struck me like a thunderbolt — there are over 40,000 Christian denominations, all divided. Many tolerate false gods and religions, and even embrace sin to align with the world’s standards. Out of all these churches, only a handful preach the uncompromised Gospel.

Perhaps it's because churches have strayed from the truth — teaching that the Lord’s Prayer is obsolete, that self-denial is “legalism,” and that faith should be personalized for self-benefit rather than a call to discipleship. The consequences of these false beliefs are grave, and we must confront them.

It is primarily the feel-good churches that wield Scripture as a weapon to justify their doctrines, calling those who actually follow Jesus’ words “Pharisees” for preaching self-denial — even though the Old Testament never even speaks of self-denial! Jesus was the One who revealed that obedience to God is a matter of the heart, not just outward actions.

2. The Illusion of Self-Righteousness

Many believe they are good because they do good works for the church — whether singing in the choir, ushering, tithing, or volunteering — assuming their service earns them favor with God. They mistakenly believe that God counts their works as righteousness simply because they are active in ministry.

Yet, works alone do not save (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Some even believe they already have a guaranteed seat at the right hand of God, quoting Ephesians 2:6 out of context:

“…and raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.”

They claim that because they are already "seated in heavenly places," they do not need to do anything else—as if salvation is a one-time event rather than a daily surrender requiring perseverance, self-denial, and ongoing sanctification.

Yet Scripture warns against this false assurance:

• Philippians 2:12 – We must work out our salvation with fear and trembling, proving our faith through obedience.

• James 2:17 – Faith without works is dead—but works alone do not replace true surrender.

• Matthew 7:21-23 – Many will claim to have done works in Jesus’ name, yet He will declare, "I never knew you."

True salvation is not about a position — it is about transformation. Those who are truly seated in Christ will walk as He walked (1 John 2:6), bearing the fruit of repentance (Luke 3:8) and continually denying themselves (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, and Luke 9:23).

Many modern churches "invite" people to accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior, as if He is a life enhancement option rather than the King of Kings. But nowhere in Scripture does Jesus say, "Accept Me into your heart." Instead, Acts 17:30-31 declares that God commands all people everywhere to repent because a day of judgment is coming.

Yet modern Christianity has embraced a self-centered gospel, believing that because they prayed a prayer, received a title, or serve in a church, they are already secure—without realizing that salvation is a daily surrender, not a one-time ticket to heaven (Luke 13:24, Hebrews 3:14).

3. The Law Revealed Our Need for a Savior

God gave the commandments, knowing that man could not keep them — not just in outward actions, but in the heart (Romans 3:20, Galatians 3:24). The Law was never meant to be a way to salvation — it was given to expose sin and reveal our desperate need for a Savior.

Jesus said that to be His disciple, one must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Him (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, and Luke 9:23). This is not a casual commitment, but a profound call to true discipleship that we must take seriously.

True discipleship is only possible by abiding in Him (John 15:4-5), being transformed by the renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2), and walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16).

4. The Lord’s Prayer: What Jesus Really Taught

Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, yet many churches today reject this prayer as “Old Testament” because it is not self-focused — it is selfless.

• "Our Father" – Only those born again can truly call God their Father (John 1:12, Romans 8:15).

* Many churches encourage personalized prayer (e.g., "My Father"), but Jesus intentionally said "Our Father" to remind us that faith is both individualistic but corporate.

* Paul also used "us" and "we" throughout his prayers (Ephesians, Galatians, Colossians), showing that faith was never meant to be self-focused but Christ-centered.

• "Who art in Heaven" – Jesus makes clear which God we pray to.

* Satan is the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4), and many unknowingly align their prayers with his kingdom, not God’s.

* When prayers are focused on earthly prosperity, power, or recognition, they serve the ruler of this world, not the God who reigns in Heaven (John 12:31).

* Jesus also reminds us that the earth is God’s footstool (Isaiah 66:1), meaning everything here is temporary and under His final authority—not ours.

• "Hallowed be Thy Name" – Prayer should begin with glorifying the Father, not asking for personal gain.

* His name is holy, perfect, and above all names (Philippians 2:9-11).

* Yet today, many use His name casually, selfishly, or in vain—treating God as a divine ATM rather than the King of Kings.

• "Your will be done IN (not on) earth" – Many modern translations weaken the meaning.

* God’s will is done THROUGH surrendered vessels, not through worldly systems.

* Jesus prayed, "Not My will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22:42)—yet modern Christianity has twisted this into, "God, bless MY will."

• "Give us this day our daily bread" – This is both physical and spiritual provision.

* Spiritually, it reminds us to feed on the Word daily (John 6:35, 63).

* Physically, it teaches us to depend on God—just as Israel relied on daily manna (Exodus 16:4).

• "Forgive us" – Many cry out for God’s mercy but refuse to forgive others.

* Jesus warned, if we do not forgive others, we will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:15).

• "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil" – A plea for deliverance from Satan and our own sinful nature.

* Jesus told His own disciples, "You, being evil, know how to give good gifts" (Luke 11:13).

5. The Condition of Modern Churches

Many churches no longer preach self-denial. Instead of teaching people to die to self, they teach them how to improve themselves — as if Jesus is a tool for personal success.

Churches today sell Christianity as a lifestyle upgrade, not a death to self. They fill buildings they built (not God) with entertainment-driven services—worship bands that look like rock concerts, children’s programs that teach fun, not faith, and messages that focus on what God can do for you rather than what it costs to follow Him.

They twist Scripture to justify this:

• Malachi 3:10 – Used to demand tithing under threat of curses, despite New Testament grace-based giving (2 Corinthians 9:7).

• Luke 6:38 – Misused as a wealth formula, rather than about generosity.

• Philippians 4:13 – Repackaged as a self-empowerment slogan, rather than about enduring suffering.

6. The Narrow Road

Jesus said the road is narrow (Matthew 7:13-14). The "narrow road" is not simply believing in Jesus — it is denying yourself, taking up your cross, and obeying His commands.

Many seek salvation, but few surrender.

Few recognize that the cross is for redemption and the path they must walk.

Are we truly following Jesus, or just admiring Him from a distance?

🔥 Final Thought: If someone accuses this post of being "harsh" or "legalistic," it only confirms that many today cannot endure sound doctrine (2 Timothy 4:3-4).

Truth be told, I was probably told this decades ago, but I rejected it. Instead of listening, I accused the messenger of being a Pharisee, old-fashioned, obsolete, or too extreme — just as many do today.

I wasn’t ready for the truth until a few years ago, when God opened my eyes — showing me the tragic consequences of following a false gospel, a different Jesus (2 Corinthians 11:4).

I know this message is hitting home because many who profess Christianity but reject the cost of discipleship either unfriend me, ignore the message, or reject it outright.

But I guarantee this — if it is biblical, the seed is sown, and it will come back to them when things don’t go their way, when their version of Christianity fails them, or when tragedy strikes. Just like it did for me.

The truth convicts before it heals — and this post is a wake-up call to a modern church that has strayed far from the narrow road.

~~~~~~~~

Additional thoughts:

"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every work into judgment, Including every secret thing, Whether it is good or whether it is evil."

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

"He who is unjust still, let him be unjust still; he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; he who is righteous, let him be righteous still; he who is holy, let him be holy still."

Revelation 22:11

"And behold, I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me, to give to every one according to his work.

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last."

Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city.

But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie.

Revelation 22:12-15

The Scriptures always show that before Christ returns that the judgment is done in heaven at the throne of God, where Jesus is High Priest, our Advocate and Judge. Each person determines their eternal destination by their words, thoughts, decisions and actions. It is clear in Rev. 22:11, that Jesus will declare (whenever that is) that each person is finally sealed as to whether they are redeemed or lost. Those words indicate a finalization of each person's character. They are either fit to dwell in heaven, or not.

Jesus' return shows people being changed physically - not spiritually, not their character. They are fit spiritually and in character BEFORE He comes back.

The Word is replete, in every book, with God pointing to His true people keeping His Ten Commandments.

This last generation is the polarizing generation. People will be righteous and ready for heaven, or be unrighteous and lost.

Time limits me to give all the verses to back up all that I've said here, but all anyone has to do is get an Exhaustive Concordance and find all the OT and NT verses with the words "commandments" and "law" to find these truths.

Lastly, no one is saved by keeping the Commandments. We are only saved by believing on the name of Jesus, and proclaim our belief that He is the Lord, that He died on the cross for our sins, and resurrected from the dead on the 3rd day.

We then keep His commandments because we are saved, and obey Him out of loving obedience. If we do not, we are not truly His followers.

"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments.

He who says, 'I know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know we are in Him."

1 John 2:3-5

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven."

Matthew 7:21

[restbeyondtheriver]

Hello! I hope you have a beautiful and blessed day. I'd like to ask you if you could pray for me. I'm in middle of a faith crisis, Christianity nor Jesus don't have sense these last days. My last reflection was that I am too weak to be an agnostic or atheist. I need help in my worst days that no human being can give. But I also think I'm lying to myself and my moments with God alone have been a product of my mind. I don't know if apologetics help in these cases i think it's too bias. I still would believe in Jesus if there isn't any "prove" about him. (I know I sound contradictory). But my question is what's the point of being christian? Everyone can do good works and if it wasn't for the "judgement", would we be Christians yet? I think people don't leave Christianity just for fear of hell but what if hell wouldn't exist? It's just fear what keeps us believing? I don't fear hell but I think that the "Christian God" is kind of cruel, so I've been doubting about the eternal torment because we as parents or teachers or whoever wouldn't punish a creature for not meeting our expectations (not everyone). Sin is sin I understand but we as humans would try to restore or do something about it that wouldn't imply death. I know there could be many answers but these days I couldn't have prayed and I need some help. Thank you for reading.

Hi sweet anon. I will be praying for you, & if some of my own thoughts on these subjects would help, you can keep reading!

 Christianity nor Jesus don't have sense these last days. My last reflection was that I am too weak to be an agnostic or atheist. I need help in my worst days that no human being can give. I would not call desire for faith or having faith weakness. I have never understood why there is an argument that calls atheism a strength, my faith a weakness. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. I think you are working on subjects not everyone exerts themselves to or cares about, but don't let that translate to I am weak for believing.

But I also think I'm lying to myself and my moments with God alone have been a product of my mind. I don't know if apologetics help in these cases i think it's too bias.  I agree, when I am struggling I let the Bible speak for itself. Arguments/apologetics make me more paranoid sometimes. I still would believe in Jesus if there isn't any "prove" about him. (I know I sound contradictory). Me too.

But my question is what's the point of being christian? Everyone can do good works and if it wasn't for the "judgement", would we be Christians yet? Everyone can do good works, but I also believe that doesn't mean we are perfect & we are all in need of God's grace. If it wasn't for the judgement, we would not have needed saving, I agree. I just believe that we are in need of saving & that Jesus accomplished that for me.

I think people don't leave Christianity just for fear of hell but what if hell wouldn't exist? It's just fear what keeps us believing? “Work out” the Bible says, as if it will be work, & it is.  “Your salvation” just yours is all you have dominion over. “With fear & trembling” Can love & fear exist together? Oh yes. I know that it can. 

I don't fear hell but I think that the "Christian God" is kind of cruel, so I've been doubting about the eternal torment because we as parents or teachers or whoever wouldn't punish a creature for not meeting our expectations (not everyone). Teachers & parents (though some are just cruel) do teach of consequences - either good or bad. There always are for all of our choices.

Sin is sin I understand but we as humans would try to restore or do something about it that wouldn't imply death. Christians have set up hospitals & orphanages & go around the world working on all sorts of restoration through mission work & giving of resources (we are not perfect at anything, but we do try, & I think it's powerful). I agree with you, this is not my final home, but that doesn't mean it isn't my responsibility.

I know there could be many answers but these days I couldn't have prayed and I need some help. I will intercede for you! <3

I am thinking about the passage of Mark "I believe, help my unbelief!" is a very real experience for all of us. It sounds like you do believe, but are just asking some important questions. It's okay. Don't beat yourself up for wanting to work out your salvation, it is a good thing.

[hopeforkitten]

The sketch is like a Dark Urge worried about meeting Baal (how can he know that he will be resurrected by the Withers) and asks for insurance from Raphael.

Tav, in secret from her companions, made her way to Sharess' Caress, she is not used to acting like this. like a ghost, she reached the doors to the devil's lair, quickly slipped through the doors and quietly closed them. immediately, a familiar voice reached her

- Oh, what I see, my beloved client has decided to make the right decision, hasn't he?

Tav was hesitating at the door, holding her hands together and somehow guiltily looking at the devil, lowering her head.

- What an interesting confusion, I'm all ears.

he almost interrupted her and it took Tav a few seconds longer to gather her thoughts again.

- Raphael...

- Yes, I'm listening

Tav finally found the strength to walk a few steps deeper into the room. She inhaled and looked up, still pinched in her shoulders.

- Even during our first meeting, you called me an "incomparable sinner" and talked about "bloody pleasure". Now I understand more about it, but then you knew about my past from the very beginning?

- Oh, of course. You have already reunited with your old friends. That quarrelsome boy Gortash probably told you everything.

- Yes, I found answers about the past, but here's my future... - Tav pulled herself together and grimaced, reaching the topic that worried her so much.

- I want a better future for you, where you will be the savior of Baldrus Gate, even though you resist him.- the devil was smiling and gesticulating, but he was beginning to get the alarm Tav

For a second, their eyes crossed again. Tav, his cheeky mouse is almost crying in front of him, and is desperately looking for salvation in his eyes. He is upset by this picture.

- Well, what is it? I don't like it when my little mouse are scared into a frenzy, how will they talk to me?

Raphael's words did not affect Tav, she did not relax a bit.

- Dear, - Raphael came closer and squeezed Tav's elbow, bringing her back to reality.

She looked up at him ready to let out all her worries

- This is my father. Everyone wants me to meet him as soon as possible, but... I'm going to die, I know that. - speaking about death, she became quieter, but continued louder, almost singing out the words.- I love this world, if I accept his will, he will perish, if I reject it, I will perish. I would not be afraid of the prospect of fighting an ancient god and dying in this battle, but.... to perish at the snap of his fingers, at his command alone...

Tav took Raphael's hand in hers. He felt her tremble and sweat.

- My life is over - She laughed nervously, - it will be the end, Raphael, I will not become a hero of Baldrus Gate - She squeezed his hand and smiled like a fool in the square.

The devil was surprised by such a confession and such behavior.

- If you could help me,- Tav continued hesitantly. - be my insurance that will get me out of the next world? 

The lights of hope shone in her eyes

- Oh, mouse, just. You once defeated an ancient god, why such fears?

- You understand perfectly well that everything is somewhat different here, do not inspire me with hope

-Hope is the best of feelings for my clients.

Raphael was flirtatious as always, he wasn't going to get into Tav's panic.

- You know what human life is tied to and what currency devils work with, don't you?

- My soul, I know. Take her and bring me back from the other world when Baal kills me.

- What determination. - Raphael took the usual distance of a couple of steps. and pulled his hands to his chest.

- And you... will you just give yourself to me? You do understand, little mouse, that after the resurrection your soul will still belong to me? These are the rules and not to say that they are me... upset. - Raphael returned his gaze to Tav and put a threatening emphasis on the last words.

- I understand, but I'm facing the only way out, Raphael.

- What a smart and prudent mouse, even I would say sacrificial, do you want to follow in the footsteps of one of your now a horned friend?

- Will saved the city, I'm trying to save myself

- Oh, how selfish we are

- You're Raphael...  please can you help me?

- I, of course, - he raised his hand as for his favorite finger snap, but stopped, - But what will I get from this? Do you remember the subject of the contract I proposed earlier, yes, smart mouse?

- The Crown of Karsus...

- Oh, yes, your memory does not fail. Your charming soul, with the mark of Baal, is good, but it's not enough. Don't make such a face, you understood everything correctly, you will give the crown to me

. He snapped his fingers and a document appeared in a cloud of sparks.

- And I have just the right contract. Would you like to read the fine print? - a gloating gesture from him

- The contract is not subject to discussion?

- No

- Then it will not improve my situation in any way

Tav grabbed a pen and quickly signed.

- It's so simple - Raphael spoke in disappointment and the contract disappeared.

Tav looked relieved, relaxed and somehow distantly upset, limp.

Raphael began to smile wider, he grabbed her chin and began to peer into her face. Tav couldn't object.

- Is it really my mouse that held herself so high in her team that she so bloodthirstedly put out the "Last Light". Even though you broke a few of my plans there, but you....you will replace them in full.

Tav withered before his eyes, her head became harder to hold in his hand.

- All right, get yourself in order, hero. You've done even more than you should, my good one, let your adored team support you

He released her chin and Tav moved out the door of the devil's den. The noise of the city should have calmed her thoughts, but she would not come to her senses soon...

Tav jumped up from the red sheets and immediately realized that this was a mistake. Pain shot through her body, she hunched over and clutched her head, her own touch felt like electric shocks. Nevertheless, she managed to stay half-sitting.

- Shhh, my dear, your chase is over.

Raphael's velvety voice reached her ears.

Tav was in the house of hope, in the boudoir. On his master's big bed. Raphael was sitting at a distance on a chair, obviously waiting for her to wake up for some time.

- What about my friends? - the first thing that came to mind was Tav

- Your charming team of adventurers did not mourn you for long. They were upset to learn about our agreement, but this is not something they have a say in. Even if you are just as charming dead, they need a more talkative leader.

For Tav, this answer was soothing music. she looked down at herself and realized that most of her body was covered in dirty bandages and infernal signatures. Tav began to examine her hands.

- And this is...?

- It's just paint, as soon as you get on your feet you can wash it off. Well, or ...

As if out of nowhere, a young copy of Raphael appeared on the bed in a red robe and obviously intricate leather straps peeking out from under it.

- Let Haarlep take care of you. His hands are the best thing that has ever happened to you, especially now he is in the best of his guises.

- Who is this?

- You owe him a lot, he is one of those who perfectly remembers the features of the human body and, most importantly, is able to recreate them.

Probably even this is not something that should be surprised by Tav, who recently rose from the dead.

- Thank you, it's not worth it, - still, this sudden image was a little alarming to Tav. Haarlep showed feigned disappointment and playfully lay down on the bed.

- Mouse, you should still let him at least touch you, it will facilitate your recovery.

- Maybe later, - Tav looked at Haarlep incredulously, and returned to examining the symbols on her body. - And am I now alternatively alive or what?

- Livelier than all the living. You will be completely clean when you recover, I even decided to remove your blatant brand absolute on the charming palm. I don't want to know how it appeared, I hope it wasn't by your will and I don't expect any stupid surprises on your part. - In the last words, Raphael was strict

- Think that it is.

Tav desperately wanted to doubt at least something of such a contented host of the house

However, wasn't it to him that she owed her life?

- Raphael... thank you. I could not imagine a better and more responsive service.

- You're starting to say the right words, you're clearly coming to your senses.

- And... my head...- Tav ruffled her hair with her fingers, running over the scalp - I don't hear the Emperor here and Baal's voice is no more... It's unbelievable I'm the mistress of my head again

Tav does not hold back the sounds at the next delayed outbreak of pain and the neighbor on the bed grabs her wrist. The pain goes away and she is enveloped by something softer than the silk sheets on which she is sitting

- Little battered mice shouldn't be stubborn,- Haarlep cooed, crawling closer to her and hugging her hand with two of his

- T-thank you

- How charming.- Raphael definitely enjoyed this sight, - Soon you will say goodbye to the voice of the Emperor forever. Then I will give you another luxurious reception at the House of Hope and you will finally be able to thank me properly.

Now without pain, only Haarlep's wagging tail distracted Tav from Raphael's dreamy speech.

[iesnoth]

Any advice for a Christian who "technically" isnt a Christian? A few months ago, I was on the rocks with my faith. Everything I stand for like LGBTQ acceptance (I'm undecided on my sexuality) and being pro-choice and what not goes against the Bible. At one point, I felt lost- like I didn't believe anymore because that's not what a Christian should believe in. But then- I felt this warm blanket cover my shoulders and it reassured me I still believed in God, even if I believed in those other things too. It makes me conflicted because obviously- if I don't follow the Bible's teachings, I'm going against God's word. But whenever I talk to him and pray, I never feel shunned for thinking such things. If anything, I feel reassured.

I'm saying all this because my By-the-Bible Christian friend says I'm not truly a Christian for these reasons (as does just about every single other "real" Christian I've seen on those videos like "Conservative Christians vs. Liberal Christians". So I don't know what to do. I still believe in god. I still pray, and love him- and I feel that deep down he loves me and all his other children no matter what. What do I do? Have I guaranteed my place in hell?

Thank you for reaching out with your very thought-provoking message.

First of all, I'm not going to tell you whether or not you are a Christian: that is between you and God. I'm also not going to tell you "The Rules," because it seems you know them. But I am going to take a few statements from what you've written and, Lord willing, give you some encouragement.

You mention "going against God's word", and though I agree in the sense that we all sin and we all doubt, our salvation isn't contingent on what we do. There's a whole theological discussion to be had about how "works" fit into "faith," but the crux of salvation is:

"If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in Your heart God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

That's all it takes for salvation. That's it. There's another verse that's been a great encouragement to me recently:

"--work out your own salvation with fear and trembling [ie: respect for an absent authority], for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." Philippians 2:12b-13 (ESV)

In sum, God has made all of us (Christian and non-Christian) because He loves us. Christianity is reciprocating that love and entering His confidence. He has a path for us which we can't change, but we can share in His joy by sharing in His plan. Each plan is designed to suit each person, and through the Spirit we discover it. But if you are in the Spirit you will discover it. (I'm sorry to the non-Christians out there for the religious lingo, but it's the shortest way for me to say this atm.)

You say you feel reassured when you pray. I don't know your situation well, but the Lord still loves you, and will always love you all your days. And He does want a relationship with you. (However, if you're receiving affirmations about beliefs you know are contrary to the Bible, I implore you to really dissect that warm feeling and make sure you know where it's coming from.)

Finally, you have not guaranteed your place in hell. No one alive can do that, because Jesus can wash away ALL sin if we ask Him to. And God gives us that opportunity, every day until we die, no matter what we've done. As long as we believe in Him and love Him, He forgives. Because He has loved us from the beginning of time.

My advice to you, as much as it is, is to make sure you truly KNOW Jesus. This is the "working out your salvation," what all Christians should be doing all their lives. Read the Gospels and KNOW Him, read the Old Testament and the prophecies about the Messiah. Ask hard questions and research them out without bias. The problem I find in both conservative and liberal Christians is the tendency to make "their Jesus." 'Judgmental' and/or 'all-tolerant' are two terms which should never be used to describe Him. Jesus of history fits into no box: He loved those society hated, He said controversial things to make people upset (Jesus could be quite the edgelord), He was endlessly compassionate, but also tired and angry. He was all this while blameless, all human while God. He did not bend to society then or now, but because of (and in spite of) that, loved everyone. You will not agree with some of what God says, because our sin nature keeps us from being in line with him. But Jesus said the most important command is just this:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength."

If someone is lazy, a coffee addict, a murderer, whatever, it doesn't matter to God as long as they love Him enough to surrender to Him. But if the coffee addict refuses to give up coffee if He asks, do they love Him with their whole heart? If a lazy Christian refuses to get up when God asks, do they love Him with all their strength? God takes into account our weaknesses. He won't ask the impossible of us unless He equips us for it. But just as He sacrificed for us, He tells us we will have to sacrifice for Him, if for no other reason than this world is in opposition to Him.

Again, He knows our weaknesses. He knows our thoughts, our questions. And He knows how to answer us, if we'll reach out.

"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

I could go on and on about this, because there is so much nuance here. Instead, I'll leave you with a few resources.

I know Christians can get into echo chambers, where they come to believe God only works in a set way. Something which helps me avoid this is listening to other peoples' testimonies. Delafé Testimonies on Youtube is great for learning the myriad of ways God works. I've been surprised by how gentle He is in these stories.

This might seem hokey, but The Chosen series has helped me steer my understanding of Jesus in a more Biblically accurate direction, and it's genuinely one of the best shows I've seen. You can watch all 3 seasons on the Chosen app.

Mere Christianity by CS Lewis, or anything by Lewis. I've heard critiques about the man, but in consuming his theological work, I've found him to be progressive when it comes to sex and gender identity, especially for his time.

I hope this was helpful. I understand what you're going through, and am working out my salvation right along side you, friend. It's normal to have questions about theology and your own salvation. Let me know if you have any more questions and I'll be happy to help: I'm not an "expert" by any means, but I like talking about Jesus. I'll be praying for you, and praying for empathy and love in your friend group.

Peace be with you.

[jdgo51]

NOVEMBER 29, 2024

Working for Good

Makgoshi Sindane (South Africa)

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 (NIV)

"'When I attended the memorial service of a person very dear to me, a reference was made to Romans 8:28. It troubled me to say that “all things work together for the good” about a dear friend’s death. But the words remained with me, and I revisited the text, trying to make sense of it. I decided to start keeping a journal where I noted different situations — good and bad — to see what the outcome was.

One particular experience helped me to appreciate fully how God worked for good in my life. I joined an organization where, despite my being a senior manager, responsibilities were taken away from me without consultation. To fill the emptiness, I started to coach young colleagues informally. My manager noticed and acknowledged that I was good at helping people develop their skills and talents. I was encouraged to seek appropriate training, and the organization would pay for it. What a blessing! God had truly worked out all things for my good.

Over time, as I continued with my journal, I was amazed to see the ways that indeed God was working for good, even when the circumstances seemed otherwise."'

TODAY'S PRAYER

"Heavenly Father, thank you for showering us with blessings in all life’s circumstances. In Jesus’ name." Amen.

Philippians 2:12-18

"12 Therefore, my loved ones, just as you always obey me, not just when I am present but now even more while I am away, carry out your own salvation with fear and trembling. 13 God is the one who enables you both to want and to actually live out his good purposes. 14 Do everything without grumbling and arguing 15 so that you may be blameless and pure, innocent children of God surrounded by people who are crooked and corrupt. Among these people you shine like stars in the world 16 because you hold on to the word of life. This will allow me to say on the day of Christ that I haven’t run for nothing or worked for nothing. 17 But even if I am poured out like a drink offering upon the altar of service for your faith, I am glad. I’m glad with all of you. 18 You should be glad about this in the same way. Be glad with me!"

Bless you! Joe

[thiscallsforsomethought]

Sometimes the way out of the storm is repentance

“Throw me into the sea,” Jonah said, “and it will become calm again. I know that this terrible storm is all my fault.”” ‭‭Jonah‬ ‭1‬:‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The storm came as a result of Jonah running away from the instruction of the Lord.  Because the Word of the Lord do not return to Him void. When He says a Word—it will and must happen. Willfully going against it has grave consequences. Repentance will bring you back to follow the Word of God that you left hanging. By design, God’s Word canno go back ot Him unfulfilled.  If the person who goes against it do not repent, it will cost them their lives or ireppairable damage to their destiny. Then God will find someone who will make it happen.

Ito din yung nangyari sa Israel—He said na dadalhin Niya ang bayan sa promise land. Dahil as tuloy tuloy na pagreresist ng bayan due to unbelief and constant rebellion, hindi sa kanila nangyari. Pero nangyari pa rin yung promise sa next generation.

When God releases a Word it will not return to Him void.

Kaya din—sa Israel, nung hiningi nila yung Word ng Lord tapos turns out hindi naman pala nila susundin—ang sabi ng Lord sa kanila—mas my pananagutan na kayo ngayon kasi hiningi Niyo yung Word ko. Kasi hindi na pwede yun hindi sundin, kailangan na yun ngayon mapangyari kasi narelease na ng Lord.

Dahi sa gantong nature of His Word, it is the grace of God na hindi magsalita or iconceal His perfect will at times. Dahil kapag linabas na Niya tapos hindi ready ifollow through, then that will bring grave consequences. May way ang Lord at timing din talaga kasi patient at mapagmahal Siya. He cannot go against Himself at the same time, mahal ka Niya. —kaso yung Israel—hinanap nila kaya sinabi ng Lord, tapos hindi nila gagawin. Mabigat yun.

Sa pagsend ng Lord ng storm kayJonah, it is His grace na babalik sa instruction Niya si Jonah. Ginigising Niya si Jonah na bumalik sa instruction Niya. He wont just give His instruction to someone else and let Jonah live his way. That is not how it works—kung sa iyo binigay and here—kay Jonah binigay, then it is for him to fulfill. Because God’s call is irrevocable si Jonah ang kailangan magpangyari.  

That means that His call as much as it is a privilege also has its cost.  It is not to be taken lightly and should be handled with the utmost care.  God chooses just because then He equips whoever He has called for specific purposes.  It is pointless to ask God ‘why me’ questions just like Moses did.  Even with Moses when He was almost begging God to use someone else, God did not allow such request.  Because Moses’ call was already released right when he was born and it cannot be revoked.  

It is not something you should evaluate as these questions points you to focus on yourself than the God who chose you. God just chose you, period. Just God chose you and He willl equip you for the calling. Everything you are and have and the power God gives, the ability, the wisdom—all of it comes from the Lord. In the eyes of God every single one is as precious as the other, but some people are going to be called to do certain tasks and some others, other tasks.  

At the end of every single day, work out your salvation with fear and trembling because it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.

[lindajenni]

jan 13 (part 2)

OSAS or being saved

God is, "not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." 2 pet 3:9  but just as He will not force anyone to believe, He will not force anyone to stay where they choose not to.  we are not predestined to be saved or not.  one can choose to leave the faith and many have.  "by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which i preached to you — unless you believed in vain." 1 cor 15:2 i would not dare take grace for granted and live licentiously, feeling confident that i was always saved.  it's just too easy to say one was never saved if they leave the faith when they may have come as sincerely as you or i did in the beginning. how then could anyone ever be really sure of salvation when sin continues in our lives?  faith, my friend.  God's word is full of scriptures proclaiming, "if you will, then I will."  cling to Jesus, keep pushing down on sin and pulling up by grace, and God's got us covered; the blood is sufficient.  and as long as He still chastens and convicts me, i know i am still His child.  "not that i have already attained, or am already perfected; but i press on, that i may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." phil 3:12  the upward call of Christ is ever my goal. "for which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it." luke 14:28  repentance and turning is only the start of the race.  hold the confession, "i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith.  finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing." 2 tim 4:7-8  be sure we finish the race.  our Lord described all in luke with the parable about the sower.  "but the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, who believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away." luke 8:13  these are believers falling away.  take root and let fruit be evident, in it's season, in your life.  let us be cautious but confident of the gift given. these are my beliefs as i search the scriptures.  certainly i could be wrong in my beliefs, but at least i have taken time and effort to search out scriptures i can use to justify what i believe.  how much time have you taken to confirm your beliefs, or are you just satisfied in relying on what someone else has told you?  if you take your eternal salvation that lightly, perhaps you should be checking whether you are one who has believed in vain. i pray that it not be a matter of dissension among the brethren.  let each be confident in their own mind.  "but if someone believes it is wrong, then for that person it is wrong." rom 14:4 nlt  search for yourselves, and "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." phil 2:12  everything is not a salvation issue, but don't be wrong in your rightness or your carelessness.  let the Holy Spirit be your guide. "and the Spirit and the bride say, “come!”  and let him who hears say, “come!”  and let him who thirsts come.  whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely." rev 22:17 for those of you who would like to listen to david pawson's teaching on this, you may do so here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG-zaJXv5D0&list=WL&index=75

[truthandlove]

Right Relationship

Those in real covenant relationship with the Most High God, will seek righteousness. Not a religious thing; they will have the real LOVE OF GOD active and alive in them, through them. Their NATURAL way of being is to seek to BLESS AND CONTRIBUTE to everyone they meet.

This is in contrast to selfishness, to a taking mindset. They seek to HEAR what Holy Spirit is saying about the person they meet and respond in obedience. How does God's love want to impact their needs. Maybe not what THEY think is their most relevant or pressing need, but what GOD SAYS is their deepest and truest need.

When someone is self-seeking, we can observe (behaviors, fruit, attitudes) that they are NOT flowing in Covenant Relationship with the PERSON of God. They only think about what benefits themselves. They are obsessed and driven by immediate gratification. How to use things and people around them to advance their goes. Yes we all have needs, have goals.

BUT THE BELIEVE IS NOT DOMINATED by that. We also have God's love MOVING in and through us to pay MUCH ATTENTION TO (not just a token glance at), the needs of others around us.

To CARE about others, is not a burden or unnatural thing. It is GOD WHO IS CARING, but caring about them through us. We ask to see how we can be a vessel or, a manifestation of, a realization of HIS love.

Phillipians 2:2-12 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being united in spirit and purpose.

3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

5Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: 6Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross. 9Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name above all names, 10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

12Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. 13For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.

[god-whispers]

apr 5

the grays are disappearing

"how long will you falter between two opinions?  if the Lord is God, follow Him; but if baal, follow him." 1 kings 18:21

there are no "gray" areas anymore.  those who are following the ways of satan are boldly making it known while many believers are just going along to get along.  even here in america, i look around and can't help but believe the majority doesn't agree with all these practices.  i ask myself, "how could decent people descend into darkness so fast?"

"truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent." acts 17:30  mankind is no longer in it's infancy, fearful of every omen and thunderous unknown.  they have now searched the stars and built upon their accumulated knowledge as the word says, "little by little." exo 23:30  but has all their accumulated knowledge brought wisdom with it?  when the apostle paul was making defense for the gospel they said, "paul, you are beside yourself!  much learning is driving you mad!" acts 26:24  in fact, he was speaking truth.  it was their learning, accompanied by arrogance and pride, that had driven them mad.

i think true madness lies in the heart of someone who can look around at the universe and and claim there is no God; it all just happened.  scientists say just a tiny bit nearer to the sun, we would all burn to death; a tiny bit distant, we would surely freeze.  sure, all things happened perfectly for good with no design involved.  the one believing that have flat refused to know and acknowledge the truth.  they have, "their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart." eph 4:18

the word tells us, "because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.  for since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened." rom 1:19-21

few today would tremble in fear at what an eclipse might portend?  few today would make something with their hands, call it god and proceed to worship and expect it to hear and protect them.  we look back at these people now and think they were simple minded; backwards in all their ways.  have we progressed much further when the world says gender is flexible from what God assigned?  yes, the grays are disappearing and we must choose sides, God or satan.

no longer can one "ride the fence."  there is no switzerland in this battle; no neutral territory.  if you don't loathe the sin which does so easily beset you, if you keep doing it again and again without shame or heartfelt remorse, perhaps you should check your repentance.  maybe it was just regret at getting discovered that made you profess belief?  we have to turn from our wicked ways if we want His healing, in our lives and in our land.  too many just want the "hurt" off.  the gospel; the good news is: if your heart truly detests these things; if you really desire the light over the darkness, God will do "all our works in us." isa 26:12

we may be "confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." phil 1:6  if you change your mind, then God will change your heart.  it really is just a decision; a decision to seek after good instead of evil.  the blood is our escape from the past.  (so much garbage left behind in mine.)

my heart is fearful for those just playing around with their salvation.  it's not those who stumble and want to be better and try to be better, it's those who willfully continue on in their ways, still "expecting" grace.  perhaps like a catholic receiving absolution from a priest and believe all is ok, as they rush out the door to their waiting sin.  friends, it is not confession of the mouth that will save.  it is confession of the heart.  it is crying out, "God, be merciful to me a sinner!" luke 18:13

are you practicing fornication or adultery?  do you gladly steal, justifying it with some reasoning in your mind?  the word says even liars will find themselves in the lake of fire.  our God is a holy God; holy beyond all we could imagine.  it will only be through the righteous blood of Jesus we shall be able to stand in the day of judgement; and yes, judgement is coming.  His wrath is coming upon all who practice ungodliness and anyone standing in the way will be consumed.

the grays are disappearing and a stand must be taken.  actually, there never was any gray with God.  it was and is always light.  sin must be discarded and salvation sought.  witness must be made to the purity and truth of His grace.  "whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels." mark 8:38

"the watchman said, 'the morning comes, and also the night.  if you will inquire, inquire;  return! come back!'" isa 21:12  don't be found with unequal scales and found wanting.  His blood is the only thing that can balance out the scales and tip them into your favor.  don't leave this life without it.

[hiswordsarekisses]

“Imagine standing before a tightrope that stretches across Niagara Falls.

You’ve been given a guarantee by God himself that you’ll make it across safely.

The life he intends for you is on the other side, so remaining where you are is not an option. You have to go.

Still, even with his rock-solid promise, you’re shaking. A nervous wreck. Every step of the way, every downward glance, you’re both exhilarated and terrified.

Finally on the other side, you collapse in joy and nervous exhaustion. You made it. Just as he said.

That’s a taste of what scripture means when it says to work out your salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

It has nothing to do with earning it, and everything to do with being aware of how unfathomable it is — how utterly scary your situation was without its promise.

You don’t question the outcome of your journey; like tight-roping across the falls, you walk it out with acute awareness of the magnitude.

You live your salvation with awe.

Aim to live with that sense of sacredness, that exhilaration of the treachery of the journey, on one hand, and the certainty of the promise on the other.

Without God’s guarantee, fear and trembling are only terrifying.

With it, they are a cause for worship and gratitude every moment of the day.”

~ Chris Tiegreen

The phrase “pass the test” is translated from a word that also means “reprobate” “unapproved” “counterfeit” “disqualified” “rejected”

(“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Can’t you see for yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you—unless you actually fail the test?” 2ndCorinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭5‬)

So, we are told to examine ourselves “to see that we are in the faith,” and to see that none of those “pass the test” things apply to us!

How can we tell? How do we know if we “pass the test?”

We can definitely know - and will be able to tell, with certainty, if we are consistently reading and studying in the Word of God because He has made these things clear in His Word so that we can have assurance to Know beyond a doubt that we are right with God and headed for heaven. God wants us to have assurance - that’s part of the reason He left us His written Word.

Salvation requires only faith in what Jesus did on the cross - that He died and shed Hos blood as our substitute - in our place - so that we can be forgiven and set free from a life of sin. Yet - Even this we are not required to have on our own, but God will give us this faith if we ask Him. We are required to have it - but not required to produce it. God’s Love always supplies whatever His Love demands.

The following 6 things are just ways that we can know for sure - by symptom - that we have truly passed from death to life - and that we do indeed believe and have this faith that God requires.

These are not ways to “BE saved” - these are ways we can see that we truly do belong to God.

These things will all be happening in our lives as a “result” of this faith.

If we do not find these things in our life, then we can still pray that God will produce faith in us, and with it the “fruit in keeping with repentance.” (Matthew 3:8)

1)

We have assurance of eternal life if we believe "in the name of the Son of God" (I John 5:13; 4:15; 5.1)

2)

We have assurance of eternal life if we love the Father and the Son rather than the world, and if we depend on God's guidance and power to overcome the world's influence - by resting in HIS ability and not our own - as He writes His Word on our hearts, it literally becomes a part of us, and a part of who we are.

3)

We are brand new creations. The old has gone and the new has come. (2ndCorinthians 5:17)

We are sincerely trying to live by his principles and obey his commands.

“And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him" (1 John 2:3-5; 3:24; 5:2; John 8:31, 51; 14:21-24; 15:9-14; Heb. 5:9).

This “keeping of His commandments” is a FRUIT - and not by a legalistic effort.

It’s a natural fruit - or symptom - of being right with God - if there is change, and we are progressively becoming more like Him and less like our old self, and this is happening sincerely and genuinely BECAUSE of being His.

4)

We consistently and persistently try to do what is right by God's standard.

“If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who “practices” righteousness has been born of him" (1stJohn 2:29

…Whoever “makes a practice” of sinning is of the devil"

1st John 3:7-10

…We have assurance of eternal life if we show true love for others. We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him" (1 John 3:14, 19; 2:9-11; 3:23; 4:8, 11-12, 16, 20; 5:1; John 13:34-35).

5)

“Beloved, we are now children of God, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when Christ appears, we will be like Him, for we will see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as Christ is pure.” (1stJohn‬ ‭3‬:‭2‬-‭3‬)

“whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked" (1 John 2:6; John 8:12).

6)

We have assurance of eternal life if we believe, accept and remain in a right relation to the "word of life - We base our lives on His original message.

“As for you, let what you have heard from the beginning remain in you. If it does, you will also remain in the Son and in the Father.” (1stJohn‬ ‭2‬:‭24)

Part 2 - A Note:

It’s still shocking to me in many ways to read all of these words that I never even knew were there the first years that I was saved. I used to rely on preachers and teachers in books, in churches, and on tv in order to learn.

I assumed they knew more than I did, so I never realized the importance of knowing the Word on my own. Many more of them than I ever could have imagined are in error and deception.

As a result I was deceived so many times, and eventually became so confused about Grace and sin and forgiveness and righteousness, and all of it.

I Thank God for putting a deep love for the truth and for His Word in my heart that keeps me digging when things don’t make sense. I want to understand - even if it shakes up everything I think I know.

One thing I have come to know by understanding and revelation of the truth of His Word - is that I am saved. And it’s all His doing, and none of mine.

And when this body I am in dies, I will merely change my mode of transportation into spiritual mode, and I can say with complete God-given faith, with Job, “As for me, I will behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied in Your presence.” (Psalms‬ ‭17‬:‭15‬)

Part 3 - A Reminder when the devil tries telling you that you do not belong to God…

First of all, we should absolutely use that as an opportunity to examine ourselves.

2nd of all, read the 6th chapter of The Gospel of John. You will find in there plenty ammunition to fight back with.

You will find there the truth that we cannot even want to be God’s unless He draws us to Himself. So if we want you to be saved it’s only because He deposited that desire into our heart. It says in there, that no one can come to Jesus unless God draws them, it that no one can snatch you out of His hand either. Check it out. ⚔️📖⚔️ The truth will set you free!! Bury His Word down in your heart, it’s your sword because it is the sure weapon against the enemy!!!

[hurting-fictional-people]

could you please do one where the villian is all mean and evil and whatnot, a typical villian, but then they accidentally kill someone. they ain't never killed no one before, and an immediate breakdown ensues, and the hero is the only one there to comfort them? like the hero knows murder is wrong but the villian is hurting so bad that the hero just looks past it and provides comfort? I would love this very much if you did it. Also, a gold star will be given to you if the villian is touch starved

anon you are a genius! that is such an amazing idea, it was an absolute delight to write it >:) I hope you like it!!

(CW: death by falling from a high building. that's pretty much what this revolves around, so there's a lot of talk about the dead civilian, loads of blood and tears and a failed CPR. it's pretty much what the ask says :))

-

Villain looks uncaring. Smirk on their lips, squared shoulders. Hero might've fallen for the act, weren’t it for the slight crease between their eyebrows or the way their eyes dart between their victim and Hero from time to time.

“Let them go, Villain,” Hero tries, taking a slow step forward. “They have nothing to do with any of this. This plan isn’t even yours, you don’t have to go through with it.”

There's fear in Villain's eyes when they stare at Hero. A flash of it, and then it's gone.

Villain is too young to be in the middle of this, to be working for Supervillain. But still old enough to narrow their eyes and raise an eyebrow in challenge.

“Another step and I’ll drop them.”

The civilian levitating behind them squeals in terror when Villain lets their power slip just enough for their victim to waver a little. Hero can’t help but glance over the railing behind themself, at the ground twenty stories below the rooftop they’re in. Neither can the civilian. Their eyes are wide and wet when they meet Hero’s.

“Stay back, Hero,” Villain says in a lower voice. It sounds apologetic, this time. Nervous.

Hero shakes their head once, heart hammering as they watch the civilian’s legs dangle in open air.

“Villain…”

It happens in the blink of an eye – one sudden honk from a car passing by the street, and Villain’s balance falters at the same time their focus does.

It’s only a flinch. Instinctual.

But it’s enough for them to trip forward when the wind blows against them, magic forgotten in the split second they take to plant their feet on the floor and turn around.

It’s just long enough for the civilian to fall.

Too fast for Hero to act, too fast for Villain to extend their power and catch them before a dull, resounding thud reaches their ears.

Arm still outstretched to their victim, Villain stares at the ground below in stunned silence.

Hero sprints to their side, blinking at the body lying broken on the street. Their breath gets caught in their throat as do the horrified words that bubble up, ready to be thrown at Villain.

The civilian’s eyes are still open, just as wide as they were a moment before, but vacant now. Staring at nothing instead of pleading for salvation.

Hero’s hands tremble on the rooftop railing, but before they can gather any of their thoughts, their enemy is already turning around and running.

“No!” Hero shouts, darting behind them to the staircase.

Hero moves as fast as they can, skipping steps as they rush down the stairs, but Villain is too many steps ahead. When Hero reaches the ground floor and runs to the street, they’re already out of sight.

“Villain,” Hero calls, only the echo of their own voice responding. Gritting their teeth, they run around the building in search of a glimpse of where their nemesis might've fled to.

They hesitate for a moment before turning the corner to where the civilian’s body is, not quite ready to see the one they couldn’t save.

Hero takes a deep breath, considering calling for backup instead of facing it on their own. And then something reaches their ears.

Gasping breaths, soft whimpers.

Has the civilian survived?

Hero rushes to the alley in which that poor victim fell, but stops as soon as their eyes find the source of the sounds.

“Villain?” they breathe, frowning at the figure straddling the civilian’s body, bloodied hands pressing against their chest in a steady rhythm, panting as they count under their breath.

Hero’s stomach twists at the sight, at the blood covering the asphalt and soaking into their enemy’s clothes, at the limp body beneath them.

“Villain,” Hero calls again, louder.

Villain’s head shoots up, but their hands don’t stop and neither does the soft count. When their eyes lock on Hero’s, there’s only burning despair to be seen.

“Stop,” Hero snaps. “It’s too late for that.”

A hitched breath sounds, and though their hands slow to a stop over the civilian’s chest, Villain doesn’t move. They simply look back at the body.

Hero should call the police. It’s too late for the ambulance, but they should have Villain arrested now, when they're distracted. Go find Supervillain and make them pay, too.

But for some reason, they can’t convince themself to move.

Not when Villain raises lost eyes to their again, lips trembling when the whispered words slip out like a secret.

“I killed them.”

“Yeah, you did,” Hero answers coldly.

Villain looks back down, at the blood coating their hands, then at the civilian’s face, pale under the moonlight.

“I killed them,” Villain whimpers again, slowly getting up on shaky legs and immediately stumbling a few paces back until their back hits the wall on the other side of the alley. “I, I… I didn’t mean to kill them.”

Their breaths come out shallow as they speak, hitching with choked sobs.

“Villain…”

“I, I never meant–” they shake their head, a wild movement that isn’t wild enough to make the gruesome scene in front of them go away. “Hero, I killed them,” they breathe, almost disbelieving.

Hero narrows their eyes and waits, watching their nemesis hug themself, bloody handprints now marking their arms though Villain doesn't seem to notice it. Their whole body shakes when their legs fail and they slip to the ground, back pressed against the wall and knees to their chest.

“P-please, I never meant… I was just following orders, I’m not a murderer,” they gasp, tears rolling down their cheeks as Villain stares at their victim. Their words are barely louder than a whisper. “I’m not a murderer.”

You are now, is the only thing Hero comes up with. Looking at Villain’s rapid breaths and the tears still streaming down their cheeks though, they bite back the words.

“I didn’t mean to,” Villain wails, voice breaking. “I d-didn’t… I, I I killed them, oh my– …I killed them.”

“Villain, you’re hyperventilating,” Hero finally says, stepping forward and crouching down in front of their crying enemy. “Take a deep breath.”

Villain shakes their head, crawling around Hero to look at the civilian again, and then closer. Hero simply turns around to watch them move.

They kneel beside the body, tears falling and mixing with blood when Villain reaches a shaky hand to the civilian’s face.

Hero sprints forward.

“Villain, don’t–”

And then stops, frozen a moment before shoving Villain away. Lost in horror, their enemy doesn't even realize Hero's moved as their trembling fingers gently close the civilian’s eyelids.

“I’m so sorry, so so s-sorry,” they whisper.

“It’s too late for that, too,” Hero murmurs.

Villain’s eyes are a boundless pit of guilt when they look up at Hero. So filled with bone-deep sorrow, that for a moment Hero forgets that the person weeping in front of them is entirely responsible for this.

“I never… I never meant to…” Villain breaks into a sob, raising blood-soaked hands to their face, only to stop a moment before touching it, as if only then remembering what coats them. Villain stares at their palms like they’ve never seen them before. “I killed someone.”

Hero sighs and with a small nod, squeezes Villain’s shoulder.

Villain flinches away so hard that they almost fall on the dead body.

“Please, it was an accident, I never meant, I didn’t want to, I…”

“I know,” Hero says softly, kneeling beside them once more. They look so weirdly small like this, with blood covering their hands and clothes and soul, but such raw desperation on their face that Hero can’t help but extend their hand again and hold Villain’s arm. “I know you didn’t.”

“You do?” Villain says in a small voice.

“Yeah, I do.”

Villain sobs again, hands quivering on their lap and staining their pants red as they stare at their victim.

Hero doesn’t say anything as Villain cries, but they also don’t move away. They simply stay there, hearing Villain’s breathless pleads for the forgiveness of someone who isn’t alive anymore to give it.

When their enemy rocks to the side, Hero gently catches them, arms wrapping around Villain’s shaking shoulders. Villain leans against them, head buried against the crook of Hero’s neck, but face still turned to the side. Eyes still on the civilian.

“I’m not a killer,” Villain whispers in between sobs. “I never wanted to… I never–”

“I know,” Hero sighs, squeezing Villain against their chest. “I know.”

[blzzrdstryr]

Signed in blood

Yandere!Zhongli x Yaksha!gn!reader

Wordcount: 2541

CW: Yandere themes, mentioned violence and death, unhealthy power dynamics

Long before Liyue’s borders had been established and the harbor bloomed into the prosperous city that it is today, the Geo Lord, Rex Lapis gathered all lesser deities and spirits dwelling in the current nation’s territory and concluded a contract with most of them, ensuring the protection of his country and people. Some of them signed a contract out of fear before archon’s power, some did it for mutual benefit and some out of gratitude and deep reverence. You are in the latter category, a simple forest spirit that was saved from the distorted monsters left after the archon war by his grace and power alone.

It was a simple day when you felt an enormously malicious energy surrounding your green abode, and soon they showed up, killing intent and will of dead archons seeping out of them. You were fast and agile enough to dodge creatures' hits, which couldn't be said about the others. Your fellow spirits and animals with whom you were sharing this forest soon fell victim to the perpetrators' attacks. Dark energy entered and desecrated the lands, poisoned the waters and even possessed the bodies of your old friends.

You were running away, fatigue finally catching up to you, despite the inhuman nature and you soon fell to the ground. There were a myriad of thoughts and feelings reeling inside of you - grief for your now dead friends and home, anger at the monsters and most importantly frustration with yourself. You aren’t human, not a single part of you is, so why were you so weak and helpless, unable to do anything as you left your loved ones for slaughter and massacre?

Guilt and shame washed over you, as you allowed tears to burst free - you were bad, you were disgusting for not doing anything, not helping anyone. Monstrous roars and growls got closer, a promise and a threat of what will happen to you. You closed your eyes, accepting the imminent end and bracing for the upcoming pain. And then the most unexpected thing happened - the earth underneath you vibrated, tremors knocking the beasts off their feet, as a tall basalt pillar rose from the ground.

Soon the stranger appeared, ending the monsters in one swift and elegant slash of his spear. He donned an otherwise simple white attire adorned with golden threads, with a long ponytail showing from the hood, but the most eye-catching details were piercing amber eyes and the glowing patterns all over his body of the same colour. You forgot how to breathe for a second as you watched your unexpected savior - he was beyond handsome, possessing the kind of beauty that would have mortals blushing and stuttering.

He then looked around, finally noticing your sprawled form. “Are you all right?”he asked, his tranquil and calm voice tinted by the shadow of concern and lending his hand. “I am”, you sputtered out and took an outstretched limb, feeling infinitely clumsy and ugly, face heating up from embarrassment. “That is good”, his voice despite still possessing the same serenity took a warmer tone.

As you learned later, you were saved by one of the seven remaining archons, a lord of geo. Filled with shame for your dishonorable escape and gratitude for your unforeseen salvation you signed the tightest contract with Rex Lapis - a blood written pact.

Unlike the contracts mortals establish, a contract between two immortal beings lacks the parchment or ink or a signature, they use magic and techniques that echo directly into their soul, preventing even the possibility of the terms' violation. Blood written pact binds to the vital essences of one, an ancient magic flaring up once the contractor intends to break the agreement, stopping and warning them of what's to come once they do breach it.

Your blood sizzled and boiled as you pledged your life to Liyue, magic singing in your veins and resonating with your soul - Rex Lapis saw the potential in you to be a great warrior and designated you to serve him as one of the yakshas, so you obeyed, training your body and spirit to withstand the endless calamities you no doubt will have to face. One day, after a grueling training you almost gave up, but forced yourself past your limits. I must redeem myself and repay Rex Lapis, you thought, gritting your teeth and taking a battle stance again, and then a miracle happened: a blue glowing orb materialized in the air - a vision bestowed by the hydro archon.

Sometimes you still reminisce about this moment and recite the oath you gave back then - I pledge my life to the protection of the Liyue nation and the will of Geo Archon, Rex Lapis for all the centuries to come.

Soon, you ended your training and started to protect Liyue just like other four adeptis all of whom were also saved by the Geo Lord. For centuries you five defended the nation as it bloomed and grew into something that you couldn't even imagine. And even after centuries of slaughter as your karmic debt started to slowly eat you from inside, slowly, but surely devouring your sanity by the smallest pieces you always found strength to move forward by recalling your first meeting with Rex Lapis, reverence before your God and guilt before the dead driving you further and further.

With time a dull, yet constant pain made its way into your bones. Sometimes it would make your eyes fill with unshed tears, sometimes wake you up in those rare times you slept without nightmares, sometimes it made your hands tremble, almost dropping the weapon in the middle of the battle. You couldn’t suppress and endure it like Xiao does, letting out a pained whimper here and there, yet you still upheld your duty to the Liyue. It almost felt like routine, until two awful events happened: the death and defection.

The fear and hatred of all those who fell victims to your weapons were slowly seeping in your minds, driving you mad with bloodlust. It all happened so quickly: you were watching out for other demons as Bonanus and Pervases were patching up Alatus after the intense battle, while Bosacius looked at the other front, weapons ready, and then Bonanus lashed out, aiming for Xiao's neck. The anemo yaksha quickly darted to the side, but the weapon still grazed the copper bird's neck, his blood forming a quickly growing pool underneath. You had to put the bloodlusted yaksha yourself, something inside of you breaking as you did so - it was one thing to stand against hordes of demons and monsters and it was another to kill your friend.

You couldn’t talk or look into the eyes of the other two after that, despising yourself for yet another failure - first your forest, then your friends, you were helpless to save anyone. And then Bosacius left, you had no idea where he vanished, but these two events prompted Rex Lapis to visit both you and Xiao, as yakshas shrinked in numbers from five to two in less than a week.

You kneel before the Geo archon when you notice his tall figure between the ancient trees - unlike Xiao, you prefer to live in the woods, the familiarity of nature reminiscent of a home you once lost. Your Lord ushers you to stand up, his face solemn and grim.

“[First]”, he starts, exhaustion evident in each syllable: "For centuries you protected my Harbor, and despite turbulent times passing you still uphold your duty. I find that admirable".

Your eyes go wide and you turn your head, unable to receive such high praise from your God, you feel your cheeks heat up at the compliment, acknowledgement of your hard work, and even constant pain or the death and disappearance of your colleagues became less serious of the issue for a mere moment.

"I am not worthy of such praise, my lord, I am only doing my job, fulfilling the contract", you deflect, looking at him again. Archon's eyes crease a little and a small frown appears as you say "contract", yet he quickly wills his face into an impassive mask.

"I suppose I made a mistake when I asked you to be my yaksha back then, I have misjudged your worth ", he continues, voice becoming distant and strangely tense, as he reminisces about the days long past, amber eyes looking both at and through you.

"My lord, I…", you start and then stumble over the words, unsure what to say next. Is this his way of telling you that you're bad at your job? You cast your head down, eyes lowered in shame, hands that spilled adeptus' blood trembling and burning. "I am deeply sorry for letting you down in that way, I will do my best to redeem myself from now on” .

A warm hand touches your shoulder, squeezing it slightly in a comforting manner. His palm is warm and firm, comforting in its steadiness like a tall cliff standing proudly against the raging tides, indestructible and reliable.

"You have no reason to apologize for this. Something like this would inevitably happen sooner or later, you have no fault in the events that occured. I suppose karmic debt would drive one of you insane eventually".

He sounds calming, reassuring, like a parent soothing a child. You still don’t lift your head to meet his gaze - you’re too guilty and unworthy to do that. There are no words you can speak now, not when you have been so thoroughly destroyed by your lord’s kindness - how can he look at you and see someone innocent?

“No, I meant that all those centuries ago, when I first met you I didn’t discern the gem hidden in the crude ore” he adopts reminiscent tone again, his hand now moving on your shoulder in slow and steady rhythm: “I knew I wanted you to be by my side, I didn’t know who I wanted you to be though. I needed time to understand my own feelings and the way I viewed you, and then I needed some more time to accept those sentiments”.

“What sentiments, my lord?”, you ask, finally looking up to him, brows slightly frowned in confusion and curiosity - it’s rare to see the Geo archon talk about his inner workings so openly, as he usually prefers to keep a cordial distance or masterfully redirects the conversation into a completely different direction.

“Over the years, as you protected my nation and my people, I finally understood it”, his hand shifts from your shoulder and now he cups your own two palms in a firm yet gentle hold: “I cherish you, [First]”.

The sudden declaration leaves you stunned and speechless for a good minute: you look at your god with wide eyes, mouth opening several times like a fish out of water. A myriad of thoughts and feelings go through you: confusion, disbelief, inferiority.

“I… That is very sudden for me to… learn about your affections”, you finally utter, forgetting to add respectful “my lord” at the end. Your voice comes off as small and hesitant as you say so. Rex Lapis doesn’t seem to mind your confusion as he takes a second to collect his own thoughts.

“The yaksha title I have burdened you with takes a toll both on your mind and your body. I severely miscalculated, so I want to redeem this mistake”, he sounds regretful now, one hand moving to caress and cup your face. You go stiff, still overwhelmed by the whole conversation. “I can free you from your contract if you decide to become my life companion”.

“But, my lord, it’s so sudden I can’t just..”

“Hush, I won’t pressure you into an intimate relationship right away. No, we will wait and learn about each other and once you will be comfortable enough to let me enter your life and your heart we will marry, uniting our fates with a contract that shall never end”.

You lower your head again, but this time in contemplation instead of guilt and shame. What do you feel for Rex Lapis? Admiration - he is a powerful deity, capable enough to flatten mountains and raise new ones with a single slash of his spear. Gratitude - he was the one that saved you and sheltered you, until you grew strong enough, he gave you a reason to live when you had none. Respect - he is a capable leader, smart enough to build a foundation and guide people of the most magnificent nation in Teyvat.

You feel no love for him, not the kind of love he wants anyway. You know about his patience and how affections sometimes take years to finally mature and bloom, but the thought of spending decades, maybe even centuries in hopes that one day you will reciprocate is nauseating to you.

How do you feel about it? A part of you wants it - it’s an easy way out to get rid of the pain, of the fear and bloodshed, of the death that clings to you at every waking moment. You remember how you spend most of your nights sleepless, drowsiness leaving you the same second you dream of blood and carnage and massacre. You remember your whole body throbbing and burning on especially bad days, when even Remedium Tertiorum can’t do its job. You remember crying and gasping for air after the weight of the slaughtered gets too heavy for you to handle.

You almost say yes, out of these reasons alone, but you stop yourself - you think of Xiao, of how lonely he will become once you leave. You think of heartfelt smiles that mortals gift you with on those rare occasions you have to save them. You think of the slaughtered spirits before whom you still have to atone to.

“I am sorry, my lord” You look him straight in the eyes, bracing yourself for the words you are about to say: “I can’t match your feelings, nor can I accept your offer, not now at least”.

Amber eyes lose their warmth in the instance, the comforting aura he was exuding earlier replaced by the weird tension between you two. Looking at this image, you suddenly remember how ruthless Rex Lapis can be on the battlefield as for a fraction of the second he looks at you as you’re an enemy.

A horrible pain shoots right through your body, and your short scream follows. You fall on the floor, gasping for air, deaf and blind from the overwhelming pain. Geo archon quickly takes your form, carrying you to your sleeping place, as you try your best to breathe and not cry.

“It must be a blood pact acting up, the magic must have taken your refusal as disobedience to the contract”, he says once the agony lightens, enough for you to focus on the conversation, “you did pledge your life to my will”.

You try to half sit on your elbow, to look him in the eyes and say something other than the pained groans and whimpers, as his next words instill a sense of quiet dread in you:

“I hope you will rethink and take back your words out of your own volition, [First]. I would hate to order you to”.

[cherryjuicegf]

for @toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account look hannah they hold hands <3

She’s been standing still for two minutes.

Still, right beside the door, she has barely taken any steps inside the room. Barely made any sound. She has only closed the door behind her, and that with the faintest of sounds she could manage, because she can’t afford any louder torture in her ears. She can’t, and neither can he.

Strange, she thinks. She wants to laugh. Her presence had always been loud enough.

Yet she’s standing still, two minutes already since she entered the room and she hasn’t received a single glance. A flinch, of the ones that make her heart shatter in her chest, and she hates to think about the reason why. Not even a sign, something showing the acknowledgement of her standing there, forever waiting for something she doubts will ever come.

She never thought being ignored would evoke any emotion other than rage.

He’s staring out of the window. From the haunted look in his eyes, she suspects his view is entirely different than hers. There’s a sheet of paper laid on the table before him, and a pen, waiting, almost dusty from the neglect of what feels like centuries but it’s actually a few hours. If she looks closer, she will discern smudges on the paper, half-finished words that echo like screams, or like being interrupted by a scream. She wonders how many times his words died in his throat, to be replaced by hollow wails. His hands, grasping at the fabric of his shirt, knuckles turning white as they clench and grip, fingers trembling with pain, the same one that drips like poison from his stare, is enough of an answer. Too many times.

She takes a shuddering breath.

“Jaskier.”

He flinches. Of course. He hasn’t even noticed that she’s been waiting there. Or that the sun has set. Or that his fingers are close to ripping his shirt to shreds. Of course. He flinches, and turns around to look at her, and she wishes she could actually say he’s looking at her and not at a ghost, or a shadow, or a mocking figure belonging to the past. She chases his eyes with hers, feeling almost ashamed that she wants, no, needs to hold his gaze.

She will some day. But she fears that day won’t come soon at all.

Finally, his grip on the shirt relaxes, leaving it crumpled, and it’s terribly similar to the way she had found him lying there, moments before he was torn apart. Not so long ago.

He stares at her then, an old, familiar light in his eyes. Comforting. His lips twitch unpleasantly. “Oh, Yennefer.” His voice sounds distant. Less than it did. Still. More than it ever should. Yennefer has a feeling that’s what necromancers are used to hearing. She raises an eyebrow, as if in desperate self-defence, but the sudden shadow that covers his eyes as realization dawns on him almost makes her curse herself. “Have you been standing there for…” he swallows, a hint of apology in his tone, “long?”

She hates it. Hates how her chest aches. But this is no time to show it and she hopes it never will be. She shakes her head, her lips curving into something close to a smile. “It doesn’t matter.” Then, as though to ease the pain, as though she doesn’t know the answer, she nods at the forgotten sheet. “Did you write anything?”

Jaskier smiles in a way that almost reminds her of what had been. And oh, how she craves that time. “Care to be educated on versification, witch?” He raises an eyebrow, teasing. The bastard. “By me?”

Yennefer grimaces in return, as if completing a performance of mutual fakeness. “Don’t flatter yourself, bard. I’m only asking if the sheet I gave you is wasted. On the other hand,” she tilts her head, smug, “your useless smudges are less of a waste than your words.”

A huff, humourless. And then silence. She wishes it felt like a win. Only that, this time, Jaskier continues to stare at her and his eyes are screaming with something close to a plea, as though begging for a salvation that would never come.

She would be tired of saving him, if she could. The fact that she can’t makes her heart flutter in a way that makes her knees aching to give in.

Her eyes fly to a waiting lute case, patient beside the bed, and suddenly she craves to hear the sound of the lute strings again, in a melodic deceit from the present. They hadn’t been touched since she fixed them. Two weeks. Maybe three. She has lost count, and doubts Jaskier has cared to keep any record for a long time.

Still.

Slowly, she approaches the bed, and lifts the case from the floor. With the corner of her eye she glances at Jaskier standing up, probably to say he’s done something all day, or prove that he can. He can’t. She knows too well now.

The lute feels heavy in her hands, the weight of past melodies, and Jaskier is staring at her in confusion. Or hope. Or despair. She’s tired of guessing wrong. Only this feels right anymore.

“Here,” she says and gives him the lute, and it feels like giving away her heart. And he takes it.

His hands are trembling.

She remembers them. The hands. Bloody, and broken, fingers in the wrong place, shaking with pain and terror and every scream he had yet to utter, unable to, only whispering, Yennefer, my hands, please, they did, they broke, please, Yen, my hands, please, please, and laughing, and shaking, and clinging and laughing and she’d seen worse, far worse, but then again she hadn’t.

She remembers them, and remembers how they were before. And now, resting on the strings, they’re close, so close to what had been, and yet so far away. He stares at the lute, a foreign touch, and then raises his head to look at her, eyes wide in hopeful despair. “You think…” he clears his voice as though to hide the pain, “you think I can play?”

A deep breath. Yennefer lets herself smile, bittersweet. Somehow it feels right. “I think you should try.”

He does.

He sits on the bed, and strokes the strings, and his eyes well at the sound. Hers too. But she doesn’t admit it. She only sits beside him.

And then there’s a melody, one she doesn’t remember existing, and his voice is still rough and strained, but when he starts singing, something inside her settles. He’s looking at her.

They’re tender, the words. Speaking of a love found again, a sad story. Longing, and a dark-haired lady appearing through the darkness. Of a long-craved comfort. It feels familiar more than it sounds. No, it sounds like a song to be sung in great halls, to make the audiences weep and rise from their seats in applause, a promise to be heard throughout every cold winter breeze. But it feels like a hug.

And when suddenly the music stops, and Jaskier winces, Yennefer thinks it’s been too long since any of them had that comfort. So she places the lute aside and takes his hands in hers, just like then, only that now they’re not broken, but gentle and warm and, as he lets her hold them, and gazes at her, they’re grateful. She holds them, fingers softly working through the knots of freshly healed wounds, trying to cover up their memory with a caring touch. She holds them, and he’s looking at her, giving himself away freely, for once, and the ever present shadow seems to lift from his eyes, as though he’s staring at the sun after a long time.

And even when she’s finished mending, she still holds them. And meets his gaze. And there, fingers entwining and eyes locking together, it feels like puzzle pieces finally put into place.

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Crawl Home to Her

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem BAU Reader 

Warnings: Religion is mentioned, slight mention of supposed homophobia, drug use, death and thoughts of dying, kidnapping (it’s Spencer’s POV of Revelations)

Author’s Note: I was listening to Work Song by Hozier and felt like it fits PERFECTLY for what Spencer was going through when he was kidnapped by Tobias. I took some creative liberties, but much of the plot lines up to the show’s episode. I linked the song if anyone wants to listen to it before they read or after, it’s such a beautiful song. Hozier is in my top three artists; his voice is just so beautiful and soulful. 

Summary: The only thing that’s keeping Spencer alive is the memories of his Heaven. Maybe someone how a faithless man will escape Death’s grasp on faith alone. 

Word Count: around 3.2K

Category: Angst 

Crawl Home to Her

When Spencer comes to the first thing he notices is the smell of burning. The stench permeates the air around him, filling his nostrils. The second thing he notices is breathing. Breathing that is not his own. A man stands before him and it takes him a second to piece it all together. The throbbing in his head takes much of his energy. He can feel the blood drip down the back of his neck and cake onto the collar of his work shirt. Strangely, all he could think about is the time his father told him a respectable man never wore a spoiler shirt. Well dad, look at me now, Spencer thinks grimly. He hates that his father occupies his mind even when he’s about to die. He has much more beautiful things to think about than the man who called him a failure.

“They’re gone,” the shadowy figure tells him. Tobias, Spencer thinks. Tobias is the unsub. 

“Who are they?,” Spencer asks, his voice must sound as cowardly as he feels. He hopes that Tobias didn’t get Y/N. He can’t live with himself if he let his partner, in more ways than one, get hurt. 

“It’s just me know,” Tobias answers, in such a way that it’s almost obvious. 

“Who...Who are you?” Spencer croaks. The lightbulb hanging above his head taunts him. He has the lightbulb, but where’s the ideas? Where are the answers? Where is the light of safety? 

“I’m Raphael,” Tobias says, standing to his full height, towering over a trembling Spencer. 

Raphael... The angel...Spencer’s mind turns but is halted by the horrible smell coming from his side. It invades his mind and nothing seems to make sense. 

“What’s that smell?” he asks.

“They’re burning fish hearts and livers. Keeps away the devil,” Tobias or Raphael answers, Spencer is not too sure who he’s even talking to at this point.

“They say you can see inside men’s minds,” 

“That’s not true, I-I study human behavior-” Spencer reasons, but is cut off by Tobias/Raphael’s passive shushing. 

“I’m not interested in the arguments of men,” Raphael tells him. He turns around to rummage in his pocket for something that Spencer can’t make out in the dim light of the shed. Between the lightbulb blinding him and the stench of the liver burning, Spencer’s senses are overloading themselves. Focus, Spencer, focus, he begs of himself. 

Don’t let him win. Don’t let him win. 

Tobias pulls out a revolver and a bullet. He toys the bullet in Spencer’s face, asking him “Do you know what this is?” 

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t breathe. 

“It’s God’s will,” Tobias says rationally. 

The cocks the gun and aims it towards Spencer’s head. If he pulls the trigger he’d shoot him straight in his head. Staring down death, all Spencer can think about is him suggesting that they split up. He was the one who left Y/N, he’s the one that’s responsible.

“You don’t have to do this,” Spencer tries to reason. 

“I’m just an instrument of God. This is your salvation, this is time to repent for your sins,” Tobias says, pulling a chair to sit next time. It’s strange, Spencer thinks, Tobias is not that much older than he is. This job has forced Spencer to think of the countless paths that he could have gone down. Part of him thinks that could have easily been on the other side, the angry part of him, the broken and sad part of him. 

“Tell me your sins, and may God forgive you,” Tobias says, his voice almost as fearful as Spencer feels. 

Spencer closes his eyes, trying to think of all the things he’s done wrong in his life. All the people he’s hurt or the mistakes that he’s made. But at this moment there’s nothing running through his mind by the thought of Y/N. The way she’d hold him after a case or the way that she’d listen to him with light in her eye’s. It’s nice to have someone who cares, Spencer thinks. Or at least it was. 

“I’m a good man, Tobias, I’m a good man. Like you, we catch the bad guys, Tobias--we are the same. We catch the sinners.” Spencer professes, trying anything to get out of here alive. He’d do anything to get back to Y/N. To get back in her warm embrace. 

“We all have our sins, including you. You just need sometime to sort them out,” Tobias says, and like that he’s gone with the wind. 

***

It’s early morning when Spencer wakes up, the sun bleeds through the cracks of the wood panel door. His clothes are caked in his blood and dirt. His hair is stringy and the blood from his ear clogs his hearing. But he’s alive, he's still here, breathing the same air as Y/N. Somehow that’s enough to keep him hoping that she’d find him- save him. 

The door opens with a sudden slam, Tobias walks in carrying a load of logs. There’s something different about him. Spencer thinks that there’s an air of arrogance, an air of superiority in his walk. 

“What are you staring at, boy?” Tobias- or at least the man who looks like Tobias Hankel asks. 

“You’re not Raphael?” Spencer reasons. 

Tobias throws the pile of logs into the box on the floor of the shed. He stands up to his full height, but there’s something that’s taller about him than last night. There’s something more intimating about the man standing before Spencer. 

“Do I look like Raphael to you?” Tobias asks, the sneer so apparent. 

Spencer decides to ignore that, answering this person, whoever he is, is not in his best interest. 

“Thank you for burning these, for keeping us safe,” Spencer says, trying to get on his good side for his sake, so he can go back to Y/N. 

Y/N. If Spencer can just close off his mind and focus on her, he’d be okay. He’d get through this. If he can just close his eyes he can just feel her touch or taste her lips against his. If her kisses make him a sinner then crucify him. Least he’d die a happy man, with the promise of tomorrow with her endless love. 

“Don’t try to trick me, you’re are filthy liar, you’re a disgusting sinner,” 

God, Spencer thinks, waits until he hears that he’s from Vegas and fell in love with a man. Spencer focuses on breathing, not the itch from being dirty with his own blood or not the thought of impending death. 

“It will be over if you confess, boy. Confess your sins!” Tobias yells. 

“I’m not a sinner,” Spencer says, almost defiantly. There’s a surge of strength in Spencer, and he swears that the small memories of Y/N makes him a stronger person. 

“We are all sinners” 

“The Lord spoke unto Moses saying, ‘speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord’  and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the lord your god, am holy,” Spencer quotes, the fear somehow seeping back into his voice. 

“You know Leviticus,” Tobias says, almost surprised. Yes, Spencer thinks, even heathens can quote the Bible. 

“I know every word of the Bible, I can quote it for you?” Spencer pleads. 

“Even the Devil can read,” Tobias tells him. 

Spencer’s wound bleeds down his neck, the throbbing almost pounds to the beat of his heart.

“It’s time to confess, Spencer Reid,” Tobias whispers, leaning into Spencer. 

“I’m a good man, Tobias. I finally found someone who puts back the pieces. I found someone who loves me, and I can’t leave her like this. I can’t do that to her.” Spencer confesses. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs,” Tobias quotes, and as he does his face seems to drift off. It’s like he's there with Spencer, but not there at the same time.

“First Corinthians, Verse 13,” Spencer recites. 

“Hmm, so your parents did raise a believer,” Tobias reckons. 

More or less, Spencer thinks. He might not believe in God the Almighty, some entity in the clouds watching over him, but he does believe in love and maybe even an afterlife. He has to believe in an afterlife, because if he doesn’t he’d fail to give Y/N forever. 

“Yes,” Spencer says, settling on playing the part of a righteous believer. 

“Yes, my parents read me the Bible. They are good people too,” Spencer tells him. 

Spencer’s not really sure what happens next, but the blow to his head makes the world go black and the sweet memories of Y/N fade into the distance. 

*** 

A cool rag presses against Spencer’s head, where he figures where “Tobias” hit him, or whoever was there with him. 

Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID. DSM-5. 300.14 (F44.81). Tobias has three personalities, Spencer thinks. He remembers the day vidily. Reading about DID with Ethan, they sat on the lawn of the park near school. His memories are distrubed by a very confused looking Tobias, who hold bandages and a wet rag. 

“What’s your name?” Spencer asks, hoping that whoever was there last night is gone. 

“Tobias,” he says, almost meekly. Spencer recognizes something in that, somewhere deep inside him, he recognizes the fear that Tobias wears like a shield. The man here last night must have been his father... 

“Who was here last night?” 

“My father, Charles,” Tobias says. “I’m sorry if he hurt you.” 

Tobias turns to reach in his bag, he brings out a vial of clear liquid, a needle and a long piece of cloth. He ties the long piece of cloth around Spencer’s arm, who with a sudden realization fights to get away from Tobias. 

“NO! Please, NO!” Spencer yells, trying his hardest to fend off the inevitable. 

“It helps, Spencer. I’m trying to save you from him! It’s gonna help, it helped me,” Tobias tells him, continuing to tie the fabric in a tight knot above Spencer’s elbow. 

“Please! I don't want it!” Spencer pleads as the room folds in one him, the darkness is not welcoming, it's suffocating. It’s sucking the life out of him and he can’t escape it’s clutches. 

***

There’s another person in this shed, Spencer thinks. He tries to strain his eyes to make out who it is. It’s not Tobias, the shadow is too short for him. 

Y/N. 

She’s wearing a dress, the blue dress that she wore on their first date. He loves that dress on her. He’s sure he’d love any dress or anything she’d put on to wear for their first date, because well, it’s their first date. 

“Spencer,” her voice is even more comforting than usual. It’s syrupy sweet and he feels like he’d get a toothache just from listening. 

“Sweet Spencer, you need to come home to me, okay? Come home to me baby.” 

He tries to call out to her, but it’s futile. She's a ghost, but she looked so real. Maybe he’s the ghost and his eternal damnation is to haunt her. He’s able to see her, but never able to get close enough to feel the way her hands caress his checks or the way her eyes light up at his touches. 

The spooky beauty of his girlfriend is whisked away with the familiar shoots of two tall, skinny figures. His parents. His father sits there on the table with a sneer on his face. His mother has this faraway look on her face. Spencer’s twelve again, listening to his father yell and slam the bedroom door as he rushes out the door, never looking back. 

The shadowy figures are gone as soon as they came and are nothing but a reminder to Spencer that he’s not worthy of love. He feels guilty. He really does, but the needle going into his vein brings back Y/N and for now he wants nothing more, but to see her, even if it’s not real. 

***

Spencer’s not sure if he craves the clear liquid in the vial because he gets to see Y/N or if he craves to see Y/N because gets to the liquid coursing through his veins, the slightest reminder that he’s alive. 

He’s alone in the shed, but there’s a bright green light blinking. A computer, he wonders. Is this the way from the Ninth Circle of Hell? Is this his way home, his way to Y/N? 

His thoughts of home and of their warm bed are interrupted by who he can only assume is Raphael, enough time has passed for him to be rising to the surface. Part of him misses Tobias, they’d probably would have been friends growing up. Two outcasts raised by a parent who meant well, but did do irreparable harm in the end. 

“It’s time to choose,” Raphael announces. He points to the computer screen, which lights up. Spencer can only assume that his face is being streamed across the internet. Garcia, and probably the entire team are watching this, watching him at his lowest moment. He swore that he’d never show Y/N himself like this, even though he knows that she’ll love him still. 

“Choose a member of your team to die. You are all sinners in the end, but it’s time for you to choose who dies.” Raphael tells him, his voice booming, a stark difference from the nervous murmurs of Tobias. 

“No,” Spencer shouts. “Kill me, kill me instead!” 

“Choose or they all die!” Raphael yells. 

Think, Spencer. Think. He looks around at the shed, trying to think of an out. His eyes latch on to the shovel sitting in the corner of the room. That’s new, he realizes. A cemetery, a grave... 

“I choose Y/N,” Spencer says, not truly believing what he’s saying, but praying that she gets the message. 

“Why?” Raphael asks. 

“She’s prideful and careless,” Spencer reasons, trying his hardest to appear nonchalant. 

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall,” Raphael quotes. 

“Yes, John 14:27,” Spencer says. And with that his fate and Y/N is sealed. It’s funny in a twisted way, he always knows that his fate would be forever linked to hers, but not just in this way. 

“Come on, boy. Get up,” Raphael orders him. 

Spencer makes it to his feet and the pair make their way into the night. 

***

Spencer’s not sure how far he’s walked, but his feet are numb and he can’t feel anything in his arm. The inside of his arm is littered with marks, a constant reminder of the cravings he’s feeling. No, he tells himself. What he craves is Y/N. He makes his way up the rocky terrain of the cemetery, hoping that she’s on her way to rescue him, hoping that she’s there to wash away the dirt and kiss his scars. 

Raphael is at his side, pulling him along. It's a strange similarity to Dante and Virgil and their journey to the depths of Hell. Maybe in this scenario Spencer isn’t Dante, maybe he’s Beatrice waiting for his Dante to rescue him. 

“Please, I need rest. I’m exhausted,” Spencer tries to argue, but it’s no use. Raphael’s grip on his arm only tightens. 

“Keep moving,” 

They arrive at the cemetery. Spencer is not ready to die. He’s not ready to die and leave Y/N. He wishes he really did believe in God because maybe, maybe he wouldn’t be as scared as he is right now. 

“Dig,” Raphael tells him, tossing the shovel on the ground at Spencer’s feet. 

As if he’s shaking Death’s hand, Spencer reaches down for the shovel and starts to dig. Each deposit in the mountain of dirt is a cry for help. Each time he cracks his neck in pain or rubs his hands in exhaustion is a goodbye kiss for Y/N. 

Spencer stands to his full height. He’s nearly as tall as Tobias, somehow he still feels like a child. 

He suspects that Tobias feels the same way. Maybe one day Spencer will come to regret his choice. Maybe one day Spencer will be grateful that he reached into the very depths of his strength to fight to the very end. 

“Tell Tobias I’m sorry,” Spencer says, the tears flooding his eyes. 

Spencer bangs the back of the shovel against Tobias’s head. His limp body falls to the ground and suddenly he’s terrified that Tobias is somehow still alive. Spencer scrambles for the gun and pulls the trigger. He’s not even sure how many shots he fires but the body is punctured with bloody holes. Spencer, clutches are Tobias’s lifeless body. As if he can squeeze him back to life. 

He thinks he’s imagining it. He thinks that he’s on the brink of death. There’s a light, a soft yellow light beckoning him home. A voice calls out to him, clear and strong, it’s drawing him in and Spencer is crawling from his own grave to the voice that he could recognize anywhere. He’s teetering between Heaven and Hell. Y/N’s voice and light tether him home. 

“Spencer!” she calls. Finally, he thinks. Finally, she’s close; he lets himself believe he’s safe. 

“I’m here!” he shouts, surprised at the force of his voice. 

“Oh Spencer,” she says, running to him. 

She falls to the ground next to him. Spencer is scared that she’s not real, that it’s the drugs in his system again making him believe that she’s nothing but a cruel figment of his mind. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I knew you’d find me. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean it,” Spencer cries, his face tucked into the crook of her neck. 

“Shhh, baby. I’d find you anywhere. Hmm, let’s get you out of here. You are safe now Spencer,” she tells him softly. 

Spencer may not be a man who believes in God but he has to believe in Heaven, because Heaven is holding him in her arms. 

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! 

[dabiboy]

As promised! Honestly, this one became my favorite piece so far, so I hope you guys enjoy it and please  don’t let it flop🥺💕

If anyone is interested in listening the songs I used for writing this one as you read, feel free to do so! 

TW: nsfw, mentions of drugs and alcohol, kind of self harm, blood.

Something Other Than Pain 

It was past midnight, the night was starting to get colder and colder, however, the only chills you had were of pure nervousness. Dabi wasn't picking up your calls, nor your texts. Anything. The last thing you knew, was that he was together with the League, but that was it. And now he was MIA again, apparently.

Was he finally caught? No, every single news channel would be speaking about it. Dead? Same thing. Maybe he was with someone else. And you didn't know which scenario was more painful.

The truth was, however, that at Dabi's place things were different.

Very different from every picture in your head.

In a building away from the League, away from Tokyo's downtown, in a place in which every resident cared only for themselves and no one was interested in other business either for safety or not caring, a loud and ripping scream filled the fifth floor.

Dabi saw him that day. This time pure coincidence. He was walking around the city all covered up, just looking for some fresh air after an exhausting week with the League, when the disgusting image appeared in front of him. He had a fire quirk, not a super hearing one, so hearing the conversation that was happening between the two Todorok's was impossible. But what was possible, was to see Enji's gestures. A hopeful smile on his lips and his hand resting on Shoto's shoulder, who was wearing the UA uniform. The uniform that told everyone that he was going to be a hero. A greater hero than his dad. ,  ''You'll be proud of me'' or ''I'm proud of you'' It couldn't be something else than that. And Dabi could felt the anger take over his body want more time. A part of him told him to incinerate both of them. No, first his little brother so then his father could watch. No, none of them. He had a plan, and it had to work.

He walked away bitterly, and got to his place once the sun had already disappeared from his view. In the middle of the threatening silence, he could hear his memories, see them so clearly it felt as if he were a kid one more time. And he hated it.

Dabi made his way to the bathroom and left the products he stole on top of the sink just to get into the shower to wash the dirt of the day. And hopefully, wash the shit out of his past. Water ran free down his wounded body, and if water could feel, it would feel pitty over that disgraced man. What a shame, he thought.

The shower's floor was tinted black, and Dabi stood under the water to remove the rests of hair dye. Once he got out, he just put on some underwear so he could start vanishing his genes one more time. But that didn't happen.

He looked at himself in the mirror, scars on his face, his torso, his legs. They were everywhere. Disgusting. His skin connected because of poorly applicated staples, anger in his blue eyes. Those damn blue eyes, a pure resemblance of his father. And then his hair. Now white, free from the chemicals. It wasn't painful because of the color, it was painful because of how he got there. Pushing himself daily, wanting to prove to his father he was worthy of being a hero, training himself to the point of burn his body, all for his father's joy. Being given a purpose, a life sentence, just to be tossed away because he reached the perfect creation. The perfect child.

Dabi used a hand to run it through his hair, not being able to forget everything. The hate in his eyes was as if it belonged to someone else, someone that was screaming that he was a piece of shit, a disposable piece of garbage. Cheap garbage. Without even realizing he was pulling at his hair and clenching his teeth, his heart was beating like crazy, and the shivers on his body were getting out of control. Everything hurt, his entire skin was burning, and his mind and soul were drowning in an endless pit of pain and hatred. The same hand that was aggressively tugging his hair hit the dye bottle, splashing it all over, covering a big part of the bathroom in black.

He held himself on the sides of the sink, breathing heavy and trying to control himself, but it was unmanageable. Slowly, as if with fear, he looked in the mirror again. The mix of white hair and blue eyes made him lost it completely. As his fist was covered in strong blue flames, Dabi broke the mirror with just one punch, not only cutting himself in the process, but also burning himself one more time. A heartrending scream left his lungs, desperate, hopeless, lonely. He hit the pieces left one more time, not caring a single shit about the mess he had in the bathroom. Walking with messy and unstable steps Dabi made his way to the kitchen, and when he wasn't able of grabbing the liquor bottle at the first attempt, he razed with every glass, every single item on the shelf. He grabbed the wanted bottles with shaking hands and made his way to the bathroom again, and when he was there, he took out all of his pills bottles. All of them to ease the pain, and some others to sleep.

Dabi made the pills rain on his tongue, and right after he drank the remanents of alcohol straight from the bottle. And he repeated the process plenty of other times.

Nothing was making the pain go away, and for more than he wanted to, the vivid memories were still haunting him. Another scream left his lips, this time crashing one of the bottles against the wall. He kept tugging on his hair, he was done. Done with everything.

Thanks to the abrupt movements, some staples fell and blood was leaping out of his scars again, down his cheeks, his chin and jaw, torso, everywhere. His back hit the wall as he slid down to the floor, waiting, wishing for the pills and alcohol to do their job.

And as salvation, or as someone who was not supposed to be there at that time, you knocked on his door.

No answer.

Then you knocked again, maybe he wasn't home. But you could see there was light, so he must have been inside, and just as you thought, you were right. Forgetting about his privacy, you used the spare key to get inside the apartment, and when you did? Your jaw fell in surprise, an overwhelming feeling took you over as you saw the scene in front of you.

''Dabi''? You called his name, closing the door slowly behind you, analyzing the mess.

Broken glass, bloodstains, and it smelled like smoke. Something had happened. You called his name again, no answer. With fearful steps you walked along the tiny apartment, and the light coming from the bathroom told you he was there.

And when you saw him, your heart broke into million pieces. Millions.

He was sitting in a corner, legs lazily on the floor as his arm was still holding the unshattered bottle. Lots of pills were spread on the floor, in different sizes and colors. Dabi's hair was white, with tiny bits of grey among some locks, blood under his eyes, chin, chest and arms. He looked like a real mess. And it was worrying.

You practically ran towards him, kneeling in front of him.

''Get the fuck out of here'' He slurred his words, not even looking at you. His eyelids were almost closed, and he smelled like alcohol and the same scent of smoke that was in the living room. He had been using his flames. ''There's no way in hell I'm leaving you like this'' You said still in shock, wondering how to help him ''What happened?''

''I was born'' He snickered bitterly, coughing right after ''Seriously, get your ass outta' here'' Dabi tilted his head to the other side, still not looking at you.

''No way, come on, c'mere'' You did your best to help him stand.

His body was heavy, especially because he was not helping at all. You made him put an arm around your neck for support, and with a struggling hand you made the water came down the faucet. You did your best to clean his wounds, wash his face trying to make him use all of his senses, but it looked like a hard task. He was like a numb rag doll with lost eyes, but he lowkey thanked you didn't arrive earlier.

''Dabi...'' You muttered his name as he was sitting on the toilet

''What did I do wrong'' He asked, more to himself than to you, eyes fixated on a black spot of dye hair on the floor ''All I ever did... Was for him to watch me'' Dabi lifted an eyebrow. ''But for what. To become a fucked up mess, all beause his precious little creation came out perfect. And Touya? Let's get rid of him, he won't surpass All Might. It's just another failed child'' He laughed bitterly, but you could see his chin trembling. Was it pain? anger? did he want to cry?

His hand went to his hair again, and just when he started to tugging it, you held him. His head resting on your stomach as you caressed his hair in slow motions, leaving tender kisses on top of his head.

''What happened was unfair,'' You whispered ''And I know you didn't deserve all of that hell...I can't do much, I just... I just can be with you'' You could swear tears were rolling down your cheeks. It hurt you to see him in such a vulnerable state. To see what was behind his snarky attitude, and behind the feared villain. It hurt that you couldn't do anything for him other than giving him your embrace. ''Come, let's get you to bed'' You said, helping him stand up.

And when he did, his eyes were fixated on you, analyzing every detail, finding what to say.

''Is there something you need?'' Of course, mental peace. But then again, you could offer him simple things. And those simple things were what he needed.

"Love me, just fucking love me" his voice came out in a desperate whisper as he pulled you in towards him. The way he kissed you felt painful, but so needy for care, love, and appreciation. He wanted that, needed the reassurance of being useful. "Please" This time Dabi's voice came out in an almost unhearable mumble, pressing you against the bathroom wall.

His kiss was rough, messy, even a bit painful as you nodded against him, carefully holding his face between your hands. It was not a heated kiss, it was not like the times where the two of you were just horny, it was different. It felt sad. He was caging your body, not wanting to feel you away from him. He needed to feel wanted, he wanted you to love him as no one did. He wanted to feel something else than just pain. Dabi sighed in between the kiss, his eyes were still closed as you pulled him closer to you. It was tragic to see him like that, so needy for reassurance and love.

You got rid of your clothes, faster than ever. His large hand cupped your ass and made you jump so you could tangle your legs on his waist.

''Wait, your wounds'' You said referring to the staples that were ripping his skin before you healed them.

''It's fine'' He said as he walked you towards his bed, sitting with you on his lap.

You grinned against him, feeling his hard on through his boxers and through your panties, his hands were all over your back, enjoying the sensation of soft skin. Your skin. Dabi bit your neck, so then he could kiss you again, just like before. Teeth clashing, lips getting redder and redder, a messy kiss.  But none of you could care less.

Someway somehow you got rid of your clothes left, doing the same with his underwear. On a normal situation, foreplay was important. He'd go down on you, tease you, edge you, but now? Now there was no time for that. You just wanted to feel him, and he wanted to feel you too.

You lifted your hips enough to align his cock against your entrance, slowly going down just to adjust to his size. Dabi let out a grunt, gripping your hips strongly. You rested your forehead on his for brief seconds before starting riding him.

At a point, you didn't know if you were riding him, or if it was him sloppily pounding you, but that wasn't important. As he held your hips, you laid back a bit to support yourself with a hand on the mattress and lift your hips so Dabi could go deeper. The moans and grunts were filling the room, but rather than just horniness it was... Reassurance. Love. Passion. Comfort. He wanted to feel something other than pain, and you were helping him with it. The way he was gripping your flesh was not a sign of dominance, it was a way of telling you ''Don't go. Please don't go'' Dabi wanted you for him, for you to stay by his side. Because if it weren't for you, he was sure he would've lost his mind already.

Your mouth tasted like steel, and you didn't know if it was because he was kissing you too hard, or because one of the staples near his mouth had fallen. But then again, none of you cared. Dabi's hand landed on your nape so he could pull you closer, making his back fall into the bed as you went straight for his mouth. His free hand was securely wrapped around your waist as he thrusted fast and rough, wanting to feel. When you torso was completely over his, he wrapped both arms around your waist, moaning in your mouth, near your ear, everywhere.

''Shit, shit'' He said in a drowned voice ''I need you, I fucking need you'' Dabi whispered, even though he was having you all for himself, he needed you by his side.

''You've got me, you've got me. I'm not going anywhere'' Your voice came out in whimpers, and you couldn't resist the urge of kissing him again.

As your mouths were locked in a desperate and messy kiss, you felt your walls clenching around his cock, and just a few seconds later you could feel him throbbing inside you, that was it, that was the melting point you both were delirious for. Dabi's hand went to your nape again, and this time it was you the one who started grinding on him faster and harder, becoming a moaning mess.

Dabi sat one more time so he could hold you against him, forehead resting between your collarbones as he reached for his high, filling you up with no ounce of shame. Your hands tugged on his hair tenderly, going to his back, neck, and hair again when you came around him.

Seconds were endless, the two of you tangled together, being more intimate than ever. Dabi's breathing was irregular, he pressed a kiss on your chest, right above your breast before falling on the bed again, holding you tightly against his scarred body.

You gained distance to see his face, and there he was, all worn out. Maybe the pills did their effect together with the alcohol, maybe it was that relaxation moment after a breakdown, or maybe it was that delightful bliss after an orgasm. Or maybe, it was all together.

Dabi's eyes were looking tiny and helpless, and it looked as if he wanted to talk, but he was unsure of what to say. You caressed his white hair, combing it back to press your lips on his sweaty forehead.

''I know'' You whispered, peppering his face with tender kisses ''Let go, baby. You can rest now'' He simply nodded, and just like that, his eyes fell closed.

You stood up, whining a bit thanks to the remaining pain between your legs and on your body, his tight grip was leaving marks for sure. Shamelessly you grabbed a towel and one of his shirts to get a quick shower, you could clean the bathroom in the morning. You get back to his bedroom, and using a towel dipped in warm water, you made sure of cleaning him. The mess between his legs, and of course the remanents of blood on his torso. You tried to put him some clean clothes, but he was heavier than ever, even more now that he was practically unconscious due to many factors. But he was your boyfriend, the man you love with all his flaws, it wasn't an issue to sleep with him naked.

You covered him with the sheets, but you were sure it was going to be hard to sleep even though you felt exhausted. As you were semi-sitting on his bed, his head found its way next to your arm, leaning there, peacefully sleeping. And within a few minutes, you fell asleep with the side of your head on top of his.

Hours went by, and around three am Dabi woke up. Dizzy, disoriented, loving those first fifteen seconds. Those seconds in which you're not aware of anything, when it is ven hard to know where and who are you. But then, the memories hit him like a wall falling on his head. The way he hurt himself, the image of his father talking with his younger brother, you arriving. Making love to you. He calmed down when he saw you next to him, and Dabi couldn't believe how a bastard like him got so lucky. Well, at least he had one good thing.

''Dabi?'' You said with a raspy and lazy voice.

''Shit, didn't mean to wake you'' He said, rubbing his eyes.

''It's fine,'' You yawn ''How are you feeling?''

''Dizzy, and like shit but it has to go at some point'' He moved under the covers and furrowed his eyebrows. ''Did you cleaned me up?'' Dabi touched his torso, it wasn't sticky because of the blood, and he wasn't sticky down there either. But that was for other reasons.

''Of course, I was not sleeping with you all dirty'' You joked, making him huff.

His next movement surprised you, because he clung to you as he never did before. His leg got in between yours, making your right leg rest in between his. And truth to be told, you blushed a little at his naked form, but he didn't care. He was already vulnerable as fuck. Dabi rested his head on your chest, and he hugged you by your stomach.

''Your tits are nice'' He said in an attempt of breaking the ice, because he wasn't sure about how to talk about what happened earlier.

''My tits are nice'' You repeat raising your eyebrows, laughing at his shitty pick up line.  

''Listen, I...'' He remained silent for some seconds as you played with the shell of his scarred ear and part of his hair. ''Fuck''

''You don't need to talk about it, do it when you feel like to'' Your voice and words were his comforts ''I will listen any time, ok?'' You kissed his forehead.

You could feel the light change in the grip of his embrace, he hugged you a bit tighter, and you knew what he meant. He loosed his grip, and a sigh left his mouth before sleep took over him one more time, as you carried on with your ministrations, making him feel loved, wantede, and safe in your arms.

''Thank you'' Dabi said, and in that moment, you heard the tiny snores coming from his mouth.

''Always, Touya'' You felt the tears gathering again, and as you left another kiss on his hair, you fell asleep one more time, not even noticing the tiny tear running down your cheek.