#no wonder it was so fucking heavy
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I just emptied my school bag and here's a list of what there was inside of it (NO WONDER IT WAS SO FUCKING HEAVY😭💀)
A spare change of clothes
My hairbrush
Lip balm
Nivea cream
Band aids
A few notebooks
A few school books
A manga
5 WATER BOTTLES 😭😭💀💀
My phone (duh)
My headphones (just in case)
Alcohol wipes
Rubbing alcohol
Disinfectant
Lots of snacks
A drawing book
A plastic bag full of brand new, untouched pens, pencils, erasers, rulers, coloring pencils, erasable pens, markers, board markers, and all the school stuff like that etc
Unused lipgloss
Pads
A WHOLE-ASS BAG OF TISSUES
Spare socks
Lots of money
Jewelry ??? (💀)
Chocolate wrappers
An unused diary
2 MIRRORS WTH 😭
A perfume spray
AGAIN, 7 FUCKING LIP BALMS 😭😭☠
An unused lunchbox
An unused stainless steel bottle
3 wallets
A piece of paper that was torn apart so badly I couldn't see what it was
Hair pins
Uniform pants
Wet wipes
Vitamin A
Vitamin C
Pills (for colds)
A plastic bag (???)
2 heating pads
A freezing pad
#yourfavepookiebear#pookie talks#pookiebear rants#list#pookie bear#school#bag#school bag#wtf💀#how tf#no wonder it was so fucking heavy#oh wow#i never even knew i had so much shit in my bag#backpack
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DINA MEYER as Detective Allison Kerry in Saw III (2006)
#horroredit#sawedit#filmedit#dina meyer#allison kerry#saw franchise#saw iii#saw 3#moviesedit#mygifs#userlenny#mikaeled#horrorwomensource#filmgifs#userstream#moveigifs#best girl kerry 💔#fuck amanda for sabotaging kerry's trap#i wonder if hoffman knew about that tho#he helped to put kerry in the trap because she was too heavy for amanda#but apart from that did he know it was an execution#even in director and actor's commentaries there's nothing about that#kerry's 'test' was a huge bs anyway#'you're dead inside' oh fuck off#try to work in that line of work and be good and see all the bs she sees and maintain stable mental health all the time#are you fucking kidding me#getting people into traps for depressive episodes duuuuuuude#it was just an execution to silence her because she was too close to catch them#and they couldn't dig any legit dirt on her (like with eric) so they were like 'yeah we are accusing you of... having a depression'
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it's all fun and games until your goofy ass kinnie jokes actually start to bring some interesting similarities to light.
#inspired by real events i realized this in the middle of the night and i stg i could hear the glass shattering in my mind#i will admit that i haven't watched eva so everything i know about kawoshin is via fandom osmosis and their more iconic moments#the ''maybe i was born to meet you'' scene stands out a lot to me & i'm so close to redrawing it w/ kieflo#the fucking blurb about kaworu's relationship w/ shinji on the nge wikia is making me want to gnaw on my desk tho#''kaworu represents an idealized figure to shinji'' GEE I WONDER WHO THAT SOUNDS LIKE HMM#listen florian's not doing much better with basically having homura & laios on his kinnie list#i really need to watch eva at some point... i'm gonna have to look up some trigger warnings bc i know it gets rough#( i'm moreso worried about how gore heavy it could be tho )#pokemon#pkmn scarvio#neon genesis evangelion#kawoshin#chara : florian russel cavallari#chara : kieran hinoki#tealmaskshipping#🎨 : mj draws#i'm not doing extensive tagging since this is mostly a shitpost
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it really do feels like that some days
#i rly wish my stupid heart would fall for what's popular...#so then i would have so much more merch and content to consume#but nooo stupid ass heart and brain have to always fall for what's super niche#i mean ultimately i dont care too much since i can create my own stuff#but some others days yeah... its heavy#why did i even choose artist as a career T0T its ass for us out there... i wish i had gone into idk... anything that would get me mad rich#but it would also have been super boring for me so... maybe it really is the best path#who knows#delete later#random#i do wonder if my heart and brain do that unconsciously someties though... because holy fuck its been a pattern for years
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Thank you for feeding us the laughingstock <3
you're so Welcome! its entirely Voluntary! i have Every Choice On The Matter!
#ive said it before and ill say it again: theyre holding me hostage in my own head#i swear to god i meant to scribble more outfits tonight... i Didnt...#I FUCKING WONDER WHY!!!!!#but yeah no yeah seriously tho i love them and i love Providing#this pairing is a heavy weight on my back but by fuck i will carry it#i am honestly hoping for crumbs in the update lmfao#theyd be platonic crumbs of course but ough any would be so so tasty#i will take any interaction they have! any tidbits! and i will cherish them!#& like. theyre a rarepair and i do not believe for a second that they have canon merit#but hey! a guy can dream!#and if one day the impossible happens and it turns out i Sniffed Out A Canon Couple. goddamn. id be unbearable. id never shut up about it#yall would have to kill me.#rambles from the bog#laughingstock#scribble salad
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You like a character a little too much and then all of a sudden you're in a college welding course
#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#he's got his grip on me#I will not be in this fandom forever and yet i will always be connected to it 🥹#god it's worse than getting a regrettable tattoo#all of a sudden I'm in my welding jacket and gloves cutting metal and wondering how the frick i got here#gives me a new appreciation for Fiddleford though#metal is fucking heavy guys#also it gets so hot I've burned myself like 7 times already#and the sparks keep putting holes in my pants and shoes 😭#the smell is actually amazing though#like fireworks#probably won't be good for me in the long haul though but eh#the torch is also super heavy#and keeping lines straight?? unbelievably difficult#DON'T even get me started on the CIRCLES#but it soothes me to know that my beautiful kin old man McGucket had to suffer learning this too 🙏#cole's talking#cause that's all Cole does these days ��#fiddleford mcgucket
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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the relationship i have w these two daughters of mine completely changed in the making of this. i hope they fail school & get expelled. anyway here's their enchantix. i never wanna look at them again
#winx#winx club#winx redesign#winx selina#winx roxy#winx enchantix#mine#if you're wondering what the Fuck is wrong w selina she's switched between being a fairy and a witch one too many times and now#her magic's kinda fucked so much like bloom she doesn't get a proper enchantix bc she doesn't quite qualify#i wanted it to sort of look a bit like the s6 trix form w the heavy looking drapey fabric#ofc she has no sparkles or fairy dust vial for above mentioned reasons#but her wings are big. just skinnier than usual enchantix wings but they're Big#sorry that they look like 🧑🤝🧑 i just needed a Base i needed it quick. fuck poses
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lmao what the FUCK is this
#i'd almost get it if the captions said '[chanting]' or something#but y'all they literally say 'VERITAS'#as aaravos casts a spell REVEALING THE TRUTH of something hidden using the latin word for TRUTH#so the fucking mental gymnastics it takes to get here like#a) pretty fucking sure exactly NOTHING in latin ends with a double s so jot that down#b) to get 'veritos' meaning something resembling 'fearless' is like#you're literally taking 'vereor' ('revere'/'respect'/'fear') and using *checks notes*... the masculine accusative perfect past participle#which yeah watered down to english would mean 'had feared' which carries the implication of fear no longer being there i guess#but at WHAT FUCKING COST#tdp wiki goes WAY beyond pissing on the poor is what i'm saying#also if you're wondering what kind of heavy lifting that citation may be doing: it's literally for s6e8
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it’s funny how things have gone full circle with malenia. she was so hated when the game first came out, but then people grew to like her. then the dlc came out and now people hate her again lmao
#i mean it’s hardly surprising given what we now know#she did all that awful shit and wasn’t even charmed#like i see people talk about how stupid miquella is because of this plan to essentially trap radahn#but that also makes malenia look stupid af too#‘go to caelid and kill radahn so i can marry him’ ans she was like sure#miquella wanted the one guy in the lands between who loves war and fighting to be his consort for his age of peace and compassion…#what a genius he is.#makes me wonder why he even needs some heavy weight to keep order for him when he can just charm people into submission#was radahn just there as a ceremonial position?#oh wait i forgot miquella thinks he’s super kind so that’s why he wants him#miq learnt about the gravity magic horse thing and swooned#honestly still can’t get over how incredibly stupid the twins look after the dlc#i think people like to imagine malenia was charmed just because it makes it all look slightly better on her part#like they are just making excuses for her#but holy shit the fact she was all but willing to fucking die so miquella could bag radahn..#what a thing to die for lmao#and he was apparently present after the battle? but didn’t do anything to help either radahn nor malenia?#instead he was helping a random redmane?#he obviously knew malenia had bloomed but ultimately didn’t care i guess#kind of like ‘oh well if she’s still alive when I get back i’ll deal with it then’#honestly wish miquella had just died in that cocoon at this point#tbh he doesn’t really do much in the dlc anyway they could have made it more about messmer and marika#hell bring melina into it please that would have been more interesting at this point#we didn’t need the dubcon incest plot micheal you could have left that one in the drafts#i gotta get this out of my head it’s driving me nuts#seriously need to move on from this game for my own sanity
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i think the reason i cling to male characters so much despite being sapphic is that im like literally obsessed with the idea of a man loving me and being nice to me. something that has never occurred
#this is about to get reeeaaaaaaaalllllllllll venty so just a heads up i just need this off my chest bad#tw vent#im so jealous of the people who have had wonderful male figures in their lives because in no capacity have i ever had that#i've had a positive relationship with. one man in my life#my friend#we're not even like besties or anything. just friends#ive had 3 dads (one biological 2 step) and all of them have fucking sucked and traumatized me#every male ex ive ever had traumatized me#like i just so badly want to believe that there are good men out there#and i know that there are plenty of people out there who love men and have had great relationships#AND IM SO JEALOUSSDLKFJ#im just literally the epitome of daddy issues which is so funny#my stepbrother even calls me “daddy issues”#i dunno im just spewing nonsense but like. its just been heavy on my heart recently#and why ive been struggling with my sexuality so much#blegh#eeeuuuuuuuuughghgggg
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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So, I've heard some voices here and there lamenting how little Gabe content - especially new Gabe content - there was and you know what? I completely agree, so I thought why not, I can try to add my little droplet into this tiny sea of Gabe appreciation we have here on tumblr.
Summary: Elena visits Gabe in his house for the first time and learns something new about his past.
Word count: 1937
AN: just some friendly fluff really, headcanon heavy, from Elena's POV but Gabe centric
"Oh, watch out, the first step is-" Gabe turned around just in time to catch Elena when she started to fall backwards. "-loose."
"Thanks for the warning." Elena shot him a glare when she regained her balance. In response Gabe only sent her an unapologetic grin and pulled her up on the next step.
"Everyone's so used to it by now that we keep forgetting to fix it with my dad," he explained as they finally reached the first floor.
The stairs led to a narrow corridor, with the same room placement as the bakery beneath it. Two doors on the right, one on the left and a wide opening to the living room at the end. In a few brisk steps Gabe opened the door on the left and invited Elena in with a courteous gesture.
"Welcome to my humble abode, your highness."
Her highness graced him with a nod and slipped by him, into the small room. Elena gave it a quick one over. It was indeed small - in fact, there probably wasn't much more space than what each guard got at the barracks - and the decor wasn't much fancier either. Cream colored walls, a thin bed by the window, a wardrobe opposite of it, one wall taken up by a bookshelf and a small cabinet by another made up basically all the furnishing of the room.
"Humble is a good word." She nodded solemnly, earning herself an eye roll from her friend. They both chuckled.
"Hey, it's your room that's out of the norm, you know?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Elena retorted, thinking about how three or even four such rooms would fit into hers. She walked over to the cabinet and picked up some trinket. "But it's nice to finally see where you grew up."
Gabe couldn't stop a fond smile sneaking onto his lips when he noticed the badge she was examining.
"Yeah and I didn't really get to change much here in the past five years. For example this thing I got back when-"
"Gabriel!" He was interrupted by his mother's voice from the bakery.
"I'll tell you in a moment," he sighed. "Make yourself at home!" He added from the doors and quickly ran downstairs to his parents.
Elena took another look around the room. It wasn't entirely empty, she had to admit that, and the poster of Antonio Agama on the inner side of the door confirmed that Gabe didn't change the decor much since he moved out.
She moved to the bookshelf and moved her hand across the titles - though there weren't that many of them to count. The lower shelves were taken up by some boxes and bags and what could've been a neatly packaged tent. Then finally a whole shelf dedicated to the whole collection of Antonio Agama's books. Elena chuckled to herself when she read some of the more dramatic titles and noticed even one that wasn't in Avaloran. On the next shelf, between other various travel books and biographies, was only one book by señor Agama, titled simply 'The Gecko's Tale'. Driven by a hunch she took it out and couldn't help but laugh when she read the blurb on the back. Although that explained how the whole kingdom found out that she's a bit adventurous too.
Finally her gaze got to the plant on top of the mantle. Hidden so deep in the room, it extended its ivy like stalks towards the sun, climbing a string helpfully hung between the bookshelf and the window.
Down on the windowsill two other plants looked out on the little cobbled square behind the house. Elena leaned in to smell the orchid and noticed something half hidden behind the pot. Slowly, so as not to accidentally damage the plant, she reached for trinket and retrieved it into the light. It turned out to be a wooden doll, painted to resemble a familiar navy and maroon uniform...
"Is this you?" She turned to Gabe as soon as he entered the room and showed him the figurine with a wide smile.
Gabe stopped for a moment. Furrowed his brows as he tried to see what Elena was even holding, and then furrowed his brows even more when he recognised it.
"Of course not," he grumbled, closing the small distance between them. "It's just an old thing anyway."
"It does look a bit like you though." She jumped away from him at the last moment.
Gabe gasped. Elen giggled and moved her hand away when he tried to reach her.
"Why would I even have a figurine of myself?"
For a moment they circled each other, like two lions judging if it's worthy to fight the opponent for a steak, except the steak was now wooden and 15 centimetres high. They both hunched subconsciously and made their steps in the fencing manner.
"I don't know, why does Esteban have a whole wall of his own portraits?" A sly grin slid on her face. "But I see you've decided to match his collection."
"Oh now you've done it." Gabe shook his head to hide his smile and in the split of a second was right by her. Feigning to go right for the prize, he swiped her legs out from under her.
Elena waved her hands in the air giving Gabe just the opportunity he was waiting for. He swiftly yanked the figurine from her hands, giving her the last push to fall backwards completely. He turned his head with a victorious grin, just in time to see her legs rising at the height of his knees. And suddenly the ground was much closer than before.
He folded his arms to his chest, protecting the figurine with his body and rolled on the floor. Though he didn't have to roll far, of which he was promptly reminded by his head crushing into the cupboard.
He groaned loudly and let his body fall limply to the floor.
His pained complaint was answered by Elena's laughter from the bed.
"I'm getting too old for this," he mumbled and Elena's laughter only got louder.
Finally he sat up and lifted the figurine to his face. He carefully examined it for any cracks or splinters, checked if the joints in the limbs didn't fall out and most importantly if the head was still on firm. Finally when he made sure the trinket didn't get damaged, he let out a relieved sigh.
"You're lucky it's still whole," he grumbled, rising to his feet.
"Hey, I was being careful." Elena now sat up too and sent him a playful smirk. "All the way until you decided to trip me like that."
Gabe rolled his eyes again and huffed in pretended annoyance.
"So if it's not a limited edition General Nuñez action figure," Elena continued. "What is it?"
Gabe sat down next to her and thought of an answer for a moment. He changed the position of the little soldier's arms and reached for a pin to put into his hand as a sword.
"It's really just an old toy," he said finally. "But you know, it has sentimental value."
He finally passed Elena the figurine, so she could take a look at it herself. It wasn't as old as she thought at first. The paint was faded, but still held onto the uneven surface of the wood and as she moved her fingers across it, she realized that it must've been all whittled by hand, by someone who put great care in it, but wasn't a professional.
Still the amount of details was impressive, especially in the construction of the thing. She moved the tiny soldier into the proper fencing position and to her delight found out that it fits flawlessly, the wire on the joints creaked quietly, as if it had been waiting for an opportunity to shine for ages.
She glanced between the figurine and Gabe on her left for comparison. The uniform, despite the familiar colours, was a tad different, it resembles more what she remembered from her childhood, than the uniform Gabe was wearing at the moment.
"I got it from my first fencing teacher," he continued.
"The same one who threw coconuts at you driving training?" Elena raised a brow, earning herself a chuckle.
"Yeah, the same one." A sad smile reached the corners of his eyes as old memories resurfaced in his memory. "He was a tough man and always talked about how big an annoyance I am, but -" he gestured to the figurine and shrugged.
"Well, that explains why it looks like you," Elena bumped him with her shoulder. "I'm sure he could've already seen that you'll be a great guard."
"Oh, I don't think he even wanted me to be a guard," Gabe laughed again. "But you know, the situation was a bit different." He pondered something for a moment before continuing. "And to be fair, I didn't even realize that it was supposed to be a guard at the time, I was pretty sure he just came up with the design by himself. I only really connected the dots a few years ago, when I found this old thing again."
Elena nodded silently and put a comforting hand on his arm. She could see that this topic wasn't easy for him.
"Though maybe what you said was the point." He straightened suddenly and his gaze went back to the figurine. "Maybe he wasn't completely against me joining the guard, just... joining the right one."
His smile became wider and it was like his whole face lit up. Elena raised the little soldier's arms to make it cheer. They both laughed at how expressive this piece of wood was.
"So where is your coach now?" Elena asked, caressing the wooden toy one more time.
He only sighed at first and for a moment his gaze became clouded again, before he shook his head to cast the memories away.
"I wish I knew," he sent her a sad smile. "One day he just... disappeared. A few trinkets and one letter is all the proof I have that he wasn't just my hallucination."
Elena's lips twitched in a matching sad smile, but before she could say anything, they both heard a voice from downstairs, calling the unmistakable word 'dinner!'
Gabe clapped his hands on his knees and sprung up to his feet.
"Ah, just in time", he extended his hand to Elena. "I think eating is a much more fun topic than discussing the weird things I did in my childhood."
Elena examined his face for a moment more, but gave up on asking all the questions that pushed to the tip of her tongue. She sent him a smile instead and accepted his hand.
"Oh, you mean you did more weird things?" She made the little figurine gasp.
"I feel like I shouldn't have started this topic," Gabe laughed.
"Oh no, you won't escape now." She poked him in the chest and put the little soldier in his hand. "I gotta know all the crazy stories."
"Okay, okay, I'll tell you something," Gabe raised his hands in defeat. "But you can't mention it to my parents, please, they'll never stop until they tell you my whole life story."
Elena made a theatrical gesture of tapping her lips in thought as she backed out of the room.
"I'll consider it," she sent him a wide grin and in a second turned and ran towards the stairs.
"Hey- wait!" Gabe called out, running right after her to save what was left of his reputation.
#my post#blue's writing#eoa#elena of avalor#gabriel nunez#gabe nunez#gabriel nuñez#gabe nuñez#elena castillo flores#gabe and elena#elena castillo flores & gabriel nuñez#elena and gabe#uuuuh#fanfiction#this is. completely unedited and written mostly in the middle of the night#so i just hope it makes sense XD#but i really wanted to write something and hey a great motivator came so why not seize the occasion#(probably because youre busy blue and should be sleeping instead but do you ever listen to yourself? no)#another day of wondering 'would they fucking say thay'#was this fic prompted by one scene of gabe fondly rolling his eyes at elena that i saw in an amv#maybe#anyway i hope this ficlet reaches the person who inspired it and i hope it brings you some joy :>#i may or may not continue it one day or at keast clean it up a bit and transfer it to ao3#my accounts been dead there for quite some time now#and back to the fic you guys have NO idea how proud i am od myself that its almost 2K#yes thats a lot for me#i considered whether im able to write those 74 more words but nope i gotta sleep#bonus: blanca and roberto downstairs hearing all the noise in gabes room and the sound of something heavy (gabe) hitting the floor#'remind me is our son 13 or 23' *fond exasperated sigh*#maybe i shouldve added to the note that this fic basically has no context huh
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Favorite part about Death Note is that Light gets the Note and IMMEDIATELY becomes a serial killer fascist with a god complex.
No build-up, no Fall From Grace, no slow corruption of a good boy gradually becoming a monster. Just-- SPEED RUN STRATS. And I love that for him.
Tbh, I think there are a lot of folks (especially boys) from my high school days who would have immediately become monsters if given the power of life and death over every person around them.
It's kind of like how when people have apparently casual ableist beliefs, and you push them to elaborate on that just a little bit, they'll often end up openly saying stuff like "well, some people are just too disabled to be worth the resources it takes to support them." - Which is... eugenics. It's just eugenics, justified by the myth of scarcity. Now these folks almost certainly won't call it eugenics, or even think of it that way. But that doesn't make it NOT a core belief of the Nazis.
In a similar way, Light seems like a nice and well-adjusted boy with strong beliefs. No harm in that.
But to paraphrase Lindsay Ellis in her analysis of the Game of Thrones ending, "Power doesn't necessarily corrupt. Power reveals." [I think she was quoting someone else when she said this. It was someone who wrote a biography on LBJ. Whatever. Lindsay said it and she's smart as hell and I recommend her videos.]
And 15 minutes into the Death Note musical, I'm already thinking about how so many beliefs "casually" held by well-adjusted, nice people immediately reveal their monstrousness when talked through to their natural conclusion.
And I wonder how many of those people, given the power of life and death over everyone around them - the power to take their ideas to their natural conclusions - would also immediately reveal how their lack of self-reflection has laid the groundwork for them to become monsters.
#original#ableism#ableism cw#eugenics#nazis cw#death note#Death Note the musical#light yagami#death note musical#there's not really such a thing as casual ableism. because it all feeds into the same evil machine at the end of the day#because ableism done with hate and ableism done with love and ignorance have the same exact effects#there's no such thing as casual racism either. even if other white people would like to think that#so they don't have to actually call out people around them for holding heinous beliefs or doing horrible things#white culture#is basically the group agreement that we are /simply not going to talk about what we've done/#and we most /certainly/ are not going to talk about what we are currently doing. even bringing it up is considered rude.#it's bad is what I'm saying it's a bad culture and I don't think the world would lose anything without it#maybe then our churches won't feel like places God has abandoned. I'm an atheist. but I remember what white Mass felt like.#frankly I might not have become an atheist if when we sang stuff like ode to joy in church it wasn't the most joyless sound ever#our words flew up. our thoughts remained below. songs without thought never to heaven go. <3#man I gotta make some excellent art about that so I can stop talking about so much. but heavy excellent art takes time! so it'll be a while#nice is different than good#niceness can sometimes be incredibly unkind. it's nice to be agreeable. but in the face of injustice this becomes a cruelty.#back to watching the musical. LOVE how Light convinces himself his actions come from a place of love 💘#'we just have to kill all the bad guys!' taken to its brutal and horrifying conclusion#and the way so many people are FANS of Kira is so brilliant. i wonder if this musical's ending is better written than the [÷>%>#*than the original#edit: it totally is. the musical fucking rules.
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apparently one of my cousins was just accepted into a master's writing program at an Ivy League school
and that's why I almost never go on Facebook 🙃
#look. do I even think I could handle a master's in writing at an Ivy League?#.....I mean. I think so. I managed a master's in geoscience at one of the top geology schools in the nation.#(....''managed'' is doing some VERY heavy lifting there lnjasdknf)#but do I want to do that? no.#do I still feel weird and like I'm wasting my life and everyone else is more accomplished than me? yes.#it does help a bit that the cousin in question has outright told me her success is in large part from her father pushing her v hard#(he did the same thing to her siblings)#and that she kinda fucking hates how she was pushed to succeed so much#like I don't wish that on anyone but it does help me to put into context her success. it comes at a cost. like everything else.#and to be frank it's not a cost I'm willing to pay at this point in my life.#I still feel weird and uhhhhh incompetent I guess would be the best word tho#also like I'm wondering why she's going to an Ivy League when she's already at one of the top writing schools#maybe distance from her family....in which case. godspeed cuz.#ANYWAYS I have a v accomplished family that I at times feel inferior to despite my own accomplishments#and no that has no influence on my OC Angie's own similar feelings why would you think that#(my family would be upset if they knew I felt inferior btw no one makes me feel bad other than my own brain)#(I have a v loving and supportive family and am v blessed to have them~)#whine whine whine
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fortunately and unfortunately i care a lot about everything all the time
#crunchyposts#i am one of the most opinionated poeple in the worldits honestly crazy#i have a lot of love and a lot f hate in my heart and its very heavy and incredible and awful and magical and my brain is a prison#if you get it you get it#me and annabeth shaking hands fr#this post is a compilation of many thoughts ive been having such as 'once someone said i had a lot of opinions on something#and i didnt realize how true that was until now'#and also 'why is it so deeply inherently embarrassing to admit you have wants and desires'#and the common factor???????? i throw my whole heart into most things#including caring very much about not caring#well its time to reread home is where the heart is but i guess im already there#the equivalent of me projecting directly onto annabeth and almost crying every time i reread a line i have saved in my bookmarks#OH WAIT THIRD POST I WAS GONNA MAKE THAT I NEVER MADE:#'i have never half assed anything in my life i physically cant' gee i fucking wonder why
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