#no such thing as a cringe but i am mean to myself

[fatliberation]

I apologize in advance because I have a LOT of fatphobia I’m trying to work through and that is probably gonna ooze out in this ask, and also that this is probably above your pay grade but I literally don’t know who else to ask (my therapist is on vacation).

I realized the amount of self hatred I have either because of/related to the fact I’m fat is like fairly unhealthy, and I also project said hatred onto other fat people. I don’t really know where to start fighting that amount of hatred.

By “amount of hatred” I mean I am literally physically repulsed by my body, hate it like a mortal enemy, and feel the desire to self harm when I remember how I look/feel. I feel disgusted at fat bodies, though not usually the people themselves.

I get that like there are layers to fat liberation, but I’m not at level 0, Im in the negatives. Like I’m probably the person who hates fatness the most out of everyone I know (sorry). It’s to the point I’m kind of cringing at myself for even trying to get rid of the hatred of fatness.

I guess what I’m asking is where the hell do I even START? I feel overwhelmed, and that paired with the fact I’m kinda forcing myself to face this demon against my will isn’t helping.

I hope this is mildly legible, and ofc if this whole thing disturbs you there’s no obligation to give me advice. I’m probably also gonna message my therapist. Thank you for your time.

I was just about to say, I would suggest therapy. it’s also really shitty to tell other fat people that you hate us. you could have worded this ask so, so differently.

[morskisir]

you ever float in the void with your babygirl?

[sprout-senior]

ever so slightly embarrassing pro tip:

eating is literally so much easier when you make imaginary friends who worry about you and encourage you to take care of yourself

[ganondoodle]

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

[aaslwooo]

Favorite outfit

Favorite hairstyle

Favorite weapon

[themetalvirus]

[alola03]

I always feel awkward when I reblog for an old interest that suddenly flares up for a week even though it's my blog lmao. In order to be my mutual you have to deal with my other 7 evil hyperfixations

[miodiodavinci]

(head in hands) man.

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

[arsenicflame]

well i think its finally time to open this box

[hella1975]

yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health

[beskar33]

Don't want kids & probably'd never make a fankid but those Tem pics...imagining Bo with a lil baby...oh god I'm fuckin ovulating over it, so sickeningly cute. He'd be such a good papa 😭oh oughughhyy am Taking so much psychic damage

[13eyond13]

.

[cerealmonster15]

ougugugughghhh i get,,, so embarrassed when i try to be Earnest lol especially w/in the context of like fanart/fic like i LOVE when other people do it i LOVE reading earnest and vulnerable deep fics and seeing intense fanart etc etc etc. but then i do it i feel like i am Going To Be Killed LJFDKSLF SDJFLS

[wormchaser]

i am fat white trash, nursing my cavities while surrounded by my own filth. i sit with my belly out, wearing my shitty black vans t shirt, and i collect crumbs on my chest. my hairy arms lead to hairy hands and to thick, stubby fingers which reach out to a TV remote and change the channel to something broadcasting dirt racing. i parade my neon-painted replica stock-car pieces when i invite you into my “man cave” (dirty, disgusting garage or shed which reeks of cheap beer and lingering body odour). i am short, and ugly, and i smell, and my skin is dotted with acne. my body is stout and built for starvation which will never reach me. my arms shake when i take too much of the medicine i stole from my mom which she stole from someone else. my dad doesn’t love me and i fucking hate him. i am fat white trash, nursing my cavities, in my filthy den, and do you love me anyway? or do you want to beat the shit out of me in a parking lot for being a “poser”?