#no proofread whatever i post it

[machinavillage]

i go on this rant like once a week but i really cant stand ppl saying "theres no way to read news nowadays! google is useless too all search engines are useless!" and then they get all their news off of social media rumor mills and never fact check a single thing. its just a basic lack of curiosity or concern for anything but with an easy to accept excuse.

this is what "school made me hate learning!!!" sounds like to me. you just have no curiosity you dont want to try but you want an excuse to.

[pixiest1cks]

i'd like to think no matter where he's at in his life, dottore likes to ramble as he works.

no matter if he's prime, or the more ill-tempered scholar from the akademiya or even omega build, dottore quietly mumbles as a habit when he's working.

some things he says aloud are just to commit certain details to memory. in the grander scheme of his plans, the details seem small-- but they hold a crucial grip on the entire project. because of this, dottore reasons that the habit holds its merits.

sometimes, he makes sarcastic remarks when something doesn't go well. short, choppy words that mostly go unheard even by those in his general vicinity. when you first worked under him, he had mumbled to himself like usual (it was second nature at that point). what he hadn't expected though, were your responses.

"stupid thing tightly screwed--"

"do you need a wrench, sir?"

before he could respond, you had one held and ready to hand to him. from then on, you would help him out here and there in his more foul moods and dottore would be lying if he said the additional assistance wasn't helpful.

the mad scientist had found an adequate assistant.

work went by smoother, toning down a good portion of his irritation. it's almost as if having someone to support you (even if it was strictly for work purposes) provided more benefits than he had originally thought. of course, he would never admit that. the most he would do is thank you here and there when you proved to be extra useful.

work continues the same for a while. the interactions grow more frequent and so his musings change from your responses. instead of talking to himself, he talks to you. he asks you for your input, for you to pass him whatever he can't reach from his other desk, he asks for you.

that is, until you're gone one day.

dottore doesn't think anything of it. he's worked alone for his whole life, what's a few days without you? but his segments have been more irritable as of late, resulting in lackluster performance as a whole not only from his segments, but his troops. the fatui are fearful of the doctor, but even more so of an irritated one. you'll turn up eventually and everything will be back to normal, he reasons.

but as the days go on, you are still nowhere to be found in the cold, desolate laboratory. he finally pauses in his work to think about where you could be.

something must've happened. something outside of his jurisdiction. it's not like it's his problem. you might've proved a useful assistant to him, but his work holds utmost priority.

yes, work. back to work.

and dottore mumbles as usual, but it's not the same.

by habit, he calls out for you to hand him something--

but you're not there.

dottore is a scholar first and foremost. all it takes to find you is a little bit of research, so he does exactly that. he finds out you've been working somewhere else, somewhere closer to home to better support your family.

well, that's no problem. he'll have his assistant back as soon as possible, no matter the cost. all he needed to know was your whereabouts.

[shizunitis]

Luo Binghe & Tianlang-Jun: Origins. And a Bit of Projection.

Disclaimer: This is basically just a collection of quotes from The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System, Volume 3, accompanied by (adjective) thoughts, and then even more relevant quotes listed at the end. If I could, I’d paste the entirety of Chapter 18.

“As expected, I can’t bring myself to hate humans.” — Vol. 3, Chapter 21: Always Together

I will always be conflicted on the topic of Tianlang-jun, and it annoys me. There is so much I could say about him, and so little I can successfully articulate. He is, to me, more confounding, complex and tragic than Shen Jiu.

He’s pitiful and awe-inspiring, wicked and affable, cunning and wide-eyed in his curiousity. He is a compelling, heartbreaking character. He alternates between emotionless wisdom and mournful apathy. I admire how his knees don’t buckle under the weight of his grief, but how he crumbles at the barest hint of hope. How rage claws at him and, still, he can’t figure out how to make it stick.

I empathise with him. I understand him.

But then, in the distance, Luo Binghe's indifferent voice disturbs the silence, causing me to drop my drink onto the floor and this post onto your screen:

“He’s not my father.”

It’s an interesting exercise, exploring their relationship in reconciliation fics. To see them interact (semi-)honestly, watch them take turns filling up the chasm between them. It’s wonderful. Every fic I’ve read centred around them was a delightful read that I still think about.

However. I cannot see Tianlang-Jun, as I understand him, as Luo Binghe’s father. And not just because of the 3rd Novel’s events.

But because Binghe had hoped for something; he did have that wide-eyed wonder. He did hold one last window open, for the sake of an improbability he couldn’t quite, just yet, dismiss.

It’s what (most) orphaned and/or adopted childred do.

Though Luo Binghe had never said a word about it before, Shen Qingqiu knew that he harbored some fantasies about his birth parents. […] In fact, he’d always secretly fantasized about whether his parents might still be alive, and how well they’d treat him, and how they’d never let him suffer the mildest slight. — Vol. 3, Chapter 17: Tianlang

It is the most human thing; to want to be helped, accepted, invited by those given to you. A family is given to you. Whether you believe it an act of the divine, of nature, of coincidence, it isn’t something you fight for. It’s the first and, arguably, only thing you don’t have to fight for in life.

Depending on a multitude of factors, that can be a blessing or a curse; but where there is room for interpretation, questions left unanswered, most childred—Binghe included—will turn to their imagination, and try to make sense of it. Usually, to comfort themselves, to reassure themselves that surely, if their family could, they would have.

And, yeah. Most likely, if the Palace Master had gotten punted into the Sun like he fucking deserved, they would have. But does it matter?

In the face of a bleak reality, what comfort is a could-have-been?

He liked to call Luo Binghe “that son of mine,” but he didn’t seem to possess any concept of fatherly affection. […] Luo Binghe was in fact…someone who was unloved by even his own parents. — Vol. 3, Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

What use are good intentions to an abandoned child? What consolation is it, to say, They gave birth to you, when that child has seen no evidence of their care? Does it dry their tears, that their mother can’t be here, but she surely would have wished to be? That their father would protect them, if only he knew of them?

(And don’t make me tell you about the visceral horror I felt reading the Origins chapter. I’ve yet to make my peace with it. MXTX, Airplane, whoever: you’ve ruined me.)

The washerwoman was and continues to be, to Binghe, his only mother. And I would argue, that’s healthy. Even independent of his other traumas (Abyss, Shizun’s betrayal, Xin Mo’s influence, living on the streets, etc, holy shit Binghe) Luo Binghe will not accept anyone else as his mother.

“Who is this Su Xiyan?” Luo Binghe asked coldly. “My mother was a mere washerwoman.” — Vol. 3, Chapter 18: Origins.

It may seem callous. It probably even is! But it is a healthy line he’d drawn by his own initiative. It’s what helps him, what he feels he needs to do in order to do right by his mother, and his own heart.

And! Tianlang-Jun doesn’t seem to give much of a shit, either!

Won’t, probably, even in the future, once the dust will have settled. He is exhausted, weary with carrying the corpse of his love, the loss of his nephew. Whatever goodwill he shows, it’s a perfunctory sort, because he can’t afford more.

So. Uhh.

Tianlang-Jun is not a character I can love, nor one I can hate. Usually, I can’t help but be inclined to love complex characters. Like them, too—though that’s more of an action-based thing rather than just said character’s personality.

But with Tianlang-Jun, I’m stuck whichever way I turn. If I want to love/like him, I’m drawn back by Binghe’s pain and disappointment. If I try to hate/dislike him, I’m drawn back by his own history and grief.

In conclusion:

I don't know! I'm not really trying to, like, prove anything. I still love the aforementioned TLJ & LBH fics, I still love their dynamic. I started walking and ended up exactly in the same space. This, perhaps, could be considered a Heavenly Demon Family Mobius Strip!

I'm not really trying to say anything. It just… makes me feel conflicted, and angry, and whenever I allow myself to think about it a bit more, sad.

But.

However!

Alas.

Nonetheless, even.

As a reader and—on my better days—a writer, all I can say is:

As promised/threatened: some selected passages, for your reading pleasure:

So, it looked like neither the father nor the cousin had any intention of acknowledging Luo Binghe. — Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

He liked to call Luo Binghe “that son of mine,” but he didn’t seem to possess any concept of fatherly affection. — Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

Tianlang-Jun lifted his hand, took a look at Luo Binghe’s snow-pale face, and commented indifferently, “He looks like his mother.” “His eyes look like yours,” came a chill voice from the side. — Chapter 15: Holy Mausoleum

The faint hopes and dreams Luo Binghe had held in his heart for many years had been mercilessly pulverized into so much dust. […] [Tianlang-Jun] refused to speak a single word of their relationship and had been utterly ruthless back in the Holy Mausoleum. […] To his parents, Luo Binghe was an unwanted child. — Chapter 18: Origins

“If he was my father, why didn’t he bring it up earlier? Why not tell me?” The most Tianlang-Jun had said was that single line he offered while beating up Luo Binghe, devoid of either praise or criticism: “He looks like his mother.” He looks like his mother. What of it? But that was all. There was nothing more. — Chapter 18: Origins

Luo Binghe was indifferent. “He’s not my father.” […] Luo Binghe shook his head. It was unclear what he was stubbornly clinging to, but he repeated, “He’s not my father.” — Chapter 18: Origins

Luo Binghe raised his smiling face, his eyes shining brightly. “Mother was the kindest person in all the world to me.” — Chapter 19: Shen Jiu

[zosonils]

[this post is about something pretty significant in the story of shadow generations, for anyone who's still avoiding spoilers]

ok so something that fucking Gets Me is that shadow does smile every now and then. not often, sure, but with a little digging you can find at least a couple smiles from basically every iteration of shadow! observe

so like we have a template for what shadow looks like when he smiles. it's almost always some variation of this smug little smirk with his eyebrows/eyelids down, somewhere on a scale from 'cocky little bastard' to 'trying his best to copy what he thinks a smile might look like based on a description he heard once'. and most of the time it is steeped in some smug anime rival moment, but even when shadow is just genuinely responding emotionally to something nice happening, it looks something like this.

so all in all there's the impression that this is just how shadow smiles. that he's not super good at it, that maybe he doesn't quite know or remember how, but this really is him at his most genuine. right on, that's cute i s'pose, no problem, me too king i'm autistic. AND THEN THIS FUCKING HAPPENS

oh my god!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this looks NOTHING like his 'normal' smile - his eyes are so open, his mouth is so relaxed, there isn't a speck of that smugness that shapes even his sincerest expressions! did he even know he could do this???? maybe everything we've seen so far has been an awkward attempt at it, and this is the first time we've REALLY seen shadow's smile. maybe we've seen him smile, but we're only now seeing him happy. maybe we'll never see it again.

after a lifetime of defaulting to a flat scowl and all these perhaps unintentionally self-assured looking smirks and half-smiles, shadow looks at his sister and smiles for her like it's the easiest thing he's ever done in his life.

this game is gonna make me THROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lottieurl]

please ignore this if you disagree. this is just me thinking out loud but i keep coming back to this impulse shauna had to EAT the ear and of course there's been all this talk about how she wants to consume jackie. how it's wanting to destroy her how it's wanting to be as close to her as possible. but i'm interested in the physicality of it. like there is the metaphor of cannibalism and then there is the REALITY of it

i read about mortuary cannibalism in the past and i believe it wasn't even the close loved ones eating the dead usually because often it would be too hard for them and even those who weren't as close and were the ones to consume the dead would sometimes throw up while eating. like let's put aside for a moment everything this means narratively and metaphorically. there is the physical act of putting a real uncooked half frozen eat into your mouth and the fact that that's the ear of a person you LOVED. the ear you may have whispered secrets to during class and one you felt against your cheek when the two of you hugged. and shauna does that after gently caressing the ear in her pocket for an entire day

i think there's an interesting component to how she's interacting with dead-jackie. some part of her brain acknowledges that jackie is dead while a much larger part of her refuses to. and i think at least on some unconscious level she's aware of the way the cold preserves jackie's body. after the initial shock of finding jackie when we see her sit in the same room with her now she's keeping her distance. there's this feeling people usually get from seeing their dead loved ones especially if it's been a little while since they died - a feeling of alienation. the muscles are no longer animated, the skin no longer warm. a feeling of this person being foreign to you in some way suddenly. and so a part of me wonders if on some level she wanted to stop the ear from rotting now that it's not frozen, warmed by shauna's hand and safe in her pocket. i don't think it would be a conscious thought but it's just. walking around with that ear in your pocket. not wanting to part with any part of jackie. wanting to consume her yes but also wanting to preserve her in a very physical way in a sense

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

(book to show, show to book, the meta continues)

Season 1 episode 3 [Is My Very Nature That Of The Devil]

- Louis: *tries to read*

Lestat: *bla bla bla*

Louis: "if you don't shut up and leave me with my books I'm going to start a social commentary and ethics conversation"

Lestat: "... Never mind. Let's go hunt."

Louis in that white suit is daaamn fine.

Oooh, so the conversation about only eating the "evil" ones starts there. Louis munching on that cat kills me every time.

- Oh, hello Antoinette. Love that we go from 19th century violinist Antoine to 20th century music hall singer Antoinette. Very nice change.

[Louis] "'This ain't your kind of music.'

[Lestat] 'You can pretend you're a vegetarian. I can pretend the fool.'" - part of me thinks that Louis meant by that "this is Black music, a Black folk band, and you're still a white boy, even vampire that you are".

Lestat schooling everyone about music, sassing everyone and playing the piano divinily, absolutely delicious. And then Louis' absolutely fond little smile, even when he's arguing with Lestat, he just loves him so.

- Ah! [Daniel] "Yeah, you know, I gotta say, it's not so much the minute details, Louis, rather the total rewrite that's giving me pause here." - that's the part. That's the crux of it. That's the character development of Louis who's done rejecting the depth of his feelings for Lestat and the role he's played in his own tragedy, regardless of Lestat's abuse, and ready to accept it and talk about it.

Love Louis' face relistening to his 1973's words versus 2022. The face of a man going "ah shit, I really was messed up back then".

- [Daniel] "'Fuck the 'Wolverine Blues'. Ken Burns can choke on the footnotes. It's the abused-abuser psychological relationship I'm talking about.'

[Louis] 'I do not consider myself abused.'

[Daniel] 'I mean, usually when you're a little too close to it, the abused still loves the abuser, but you flipped it completely on its head.'

[Louis] 'I'm not a victim.'

[Daniel] '50 years later, you talk like he was your soulmate, like you were locked in some fucked up gothic romance. Why?'"

First: Daniel's a petty bitch and he's getting to the bottom of this business whether Louis works with him or not. And Louis is equally petty and bitchy, answering Daniel by reading part of his own memoir and mocking him.

Secondly: well, yeah, it is a gothic romance, that's the genre. But it is a Contemporary Gothic romance. Contemporary Gothic expands on Classic Gothic. I wrote an essay about Contemporary Gothic using the movie Only Lovers Left Alive last year, I need to translate it from Spanish to English so I can share it. But I feel like I could reuse part of this essay to talk about IWTV book (inscribed in Classic Gothic) versus IWTV show (tending towards Contemporary Gothic). One more essay idea to develop later. Let's table this.

Thirdly: my little Loustat shipper heart is very happy.

And fourth: hey, Danny boy. Remember that conversation in a dozen of sessions because that will come in handy to explain a looooooot of things... Devil's Minion fans gleefully cackling in the background. And Armand isn't even in this scene. Talk about irony. And foreshadowing.

[Louis] "'This is the odyssey of recollection.' The tapes are an admitted performance. This is the premise of our interview. Half a century later, allow me my odyssey. [Daniel throws the tapes in the trash] Now who's performing?"

Louis being heartfelt but still hiding beneath his veneer - you know when he starts to be honest, or as genuine as he can at this point, when he starts to drop the accent. I swear I'm going to stop raving about Jacob's voice work at some point, but it's such an important part of the character, of who Louis is and how the audience can understand Louis, that it deserves an entire essay of its own.

And then Louis sasses Daniel and sets the tapes on fire, because that's not a performance at all, that. Pot meet kettle.

- [Louis] "Rigged to burn, Daniel" - foreshadowing...

- [Louis] "I barely had the energy to hold a book. My libido was not what it'd been. I understood the indulgence. I let it happen." - why are you such a liar, Louis. Stop fucking lying, Louis.

On a serious note, Louis' eating disorder emerging from his identity crisis, the clash of his religious upbringing with his new reality colliding with his lifelong depression... Who made that guy so relatable. But notice how there's a slight part of Louis' new diet here that's in direct reaction to Lestat's refusal to hear him and talk to him. They each punish each other for their perceived failings by acting in the way that'll hurt the other the most, even if that way hurts them too. Louis by letting himself starve and losing his energy when that's all Lestat wants him to do, Lestat by having several affairs and flaunting them, even when he explicitly says "I do everything for Louis". By the way, that little throwaway line? Lestat being genuine and fully honest about his feelings and motivations but playing it as a joke. If Louis had been hearing he'd have caught it and maaaybe we could have avoided some of the drama. Maybe.

- Oh, the whole Antoinette seduction scene is fascinating. Notice how Lestat barely looks at her? He only has eyes for Louis. And Louis cannot stand his gaze, he has to retreat. Says he understands, but then leaves in a huff. Disasters.

[Louis] "'So you didn't kill her.'

[Lestat] 'No. She has talents.'

[Louis] 'Aren't I enough?'" - excuse me while I go scream.

[Lestat] "We're communicating so much better now." - baby, no. That ain't communication. You two are still talking two different languages.

[Lestat] "Of course. Of course. Of course. As long as you come home to me." - that's way too many "of course", 'Stat. Maybe add a couple dozen more to reeeeally make your point that you're not bothered AT ALL by the idea of Louis seeing other people. Hypocrite...

- Welcome to WW1. Business, racism, capitalism, and the fantastic Miss Bricks. Can't wait for Tom Anderson to get eaten, that guy rubs me off the wrong way. Gotta love that Louis' standing up for himself. Aaaaand hello Jonah. Oop, Lestat's already staring and going insane with jealousy. Meanwhile Louis doesn't even remember he's got nieces. Looots of little crucial hits in this scene, between the poker game, WW1 come a-knocking, Loustat's fuckery and Louis' getting further and further away from his human family.

- [Jonah] "'Ain't aged a day since I seen you last.'

[Louis] 'That's the moonlight lyin' is all.'" - hi, Nicholas Sparks called, he says that line belongs in The Notebook and he's claiming copyright for it.

[Jonah] "'And most of why I signed up is I kept hearing something about something they call 'European sensibilities'. They care less what you look like or who you're lookin' at.'

[Louis] 'Yeah, I got someone.'

[Jonah] 'I figured as much. No ring on your finger?'

[Louis] 'Not a woman.'

[Jonah] 'Well, what's he like?'

[Louis] 'He's... a lot. It's not perfect. But we kind of have this agreement.'"

Yeah, believe me, racism and homophobia are very alive in Europe too. Though... The roaring twenties are right around the corner and that's a decade I would have loved to experience in Paris.

Hey, look! Louis has come around about his sexuality, is that the first time he comes out willingly and peacefully? Yey, progress. Also I love that he has explicit permission from Lestat to have his own affairs, but he feels uncomfortable about at it at first. But still goes for it 'cause you know. Gotta show Lestat he ain't bothered. Should have fed first tho, stupid. Also, Lestat overhearing Louis calling him "a lot" and "not perfect" > direct parallel to Claudia hearing Louis calling her a "burden" to Armand in s2. Louis is so good at being casually cruel to and about those he loves.

[Louis] "'Good fit, this uniform.'

[Jonah] 'Well, it's the moonlight.'" - sorry, Nicholas Sparks on line 3 again, he said that moonlight line is actually too sappy for even The Notebook. Said we can keep it, he doesn't want to pay our dentist note.

- Daniel Hart's music is fantastic.

- Ah, Lestat's jealousy crisis. Aw, the domesticity. Ooh, wait, love how the memory changes. You can see Louis struggling to remember which memory is accurate.

- Arf, Louis being rejected from his own family house and then breaking down the door. Mamaw du Lac, Mother of the Decade, everyone. Poor baby. The curse of the vampire. Downward spiral getting worse. And then coming home and seeing Lestat entertain the regiment? And then the news about the Azalea. Nervous breakdown about to happen. Oh, Lestat flexing his powers. Love that. Notice the blood trail coming from his ear? It appears again when he saves Louis during the trial. He's not without his limits. Regarding his powers or his feelings.

[Lestat] "I heard your hearts dancing" - so first of all, awards for Sam, when? Secondly, brb, need to sob a little. And third, Nicholas Sparks on the line again, wants to know if the writer of these lines is available to come work with him.

[Lestat] "'This is not a life!'

[Louis] 'That's' cause you took my life! I got nothing! I lost everything! I lost my brother. I lost my family. 'Bout to lose the last fucking thing I care about.'" - where are the awards for Jacob and Sam for heaven's saaaaaaaake. Also, love how the music briefly stops between 'everything' and 'brother'.

- [Louis] "When your mother sees the Devil in your eyes, it's a hard assessment to abandon. Am I from the Devil? Is my very nature that of the Devil? I had hedged against the question, but now it completely overwhelmed me." - Lestat and Armand had that conversation a century earlier...

[Daniel] "Take a Black man in America, make him a vampire, fuck with that vampire, and see what comes of it." - thanks for the social commentary, Danny, don't even need to do it myself. Now eat those assholes, Lou.

- [Louis] "You said I'm arrogant? Maybe I am arrogant! [...] I'm a vampire." - okay, can I soliloque about Louis please? Have I said he's my favourite of the entire books lately? As someone who has been called pretentious more than once just because I know my own value and refuse to play stupid, that part, yeah, that part gets to me. Louis finally knows who he is and refuses to pretend he's less just to please others. And as a lesson that I've finally embraced this year especially too, I like that. I like that a lot.

Oops. Louis just started a civil war in New Orleans. Fun. Like Lestat says, it's not on Louis tho. He merely "provided them the excuse".

[Louis] "And that's why you and me ain't never gon' work. That's why you're always gonna be alone." - oooh man, that was harsh. And only half deserved. And cruel in that typical Louis way. Also, wrong. But you're gonna have to wait another century for that. Oof, Lestat's face as Louis leaves, the crumbling, the desperation oozing out of his entire soul, heart and mind...

- "I ran from the Quarter that night, ran to where the violence spread most wild. I stumbled through the streets like an irrational child who had tested his strength on the small bird and now asked 'can I make it whole again?' - Can I help you? Please let me help you. - Their faces ran past me like snow in a terrible wind, unaware that it was I who had brought this retribution. It was I who should pay for this sin. And then... [Help me!] one of those inconceivable moments where who you were before and who you would be forever after is marked in time. [Help!] A rooming house, now a fire trap. I could not save the Azalea. I could not save Storyville. I could not save the aunt on the wrong side of the wall, but I could save her. My light. My Claudia. My redemption."

... Brb, need to scream in a pillow. Oooof. What a tirade. Louis, Saint Louis, Saint Louis, bearing the weight of the cross on his shoulders... Selflessness being selfishness, trying to help to try to alleviate his own pain and guilt. Doing good things out of a need to feel useful or at peace with your own conscience is not a bad thing, you're still helping whatever your motives, but when it starts making you unable to see the people you're trying to help as people, and starts making you see them as tools to relieve your tortured soul and conscience, are your good actions still good? Or the pavement on the road to a very dark place? Guess we'll let Claudia tell us her opinion.

episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | episode 4 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7

[mushroomsie224]

So I reread The Wishing Spell by Chris Colfer a while back. I don't think I made a post about it, but uh. I am now.

While I do have a few issues with the book (which I shall not discuss now), I do love the main characters (Alex and Conner) a lot. I identify with both of them in many ways. In fact, I used to be a lot like Alex! Maybe too much like her? I was a bookworm and I always liked to please the teachers (although I did also rebel at times...in very weird ways). I still am a lot like her, ESPECIALLY with how much trouble I have with making friends (although I do have them—unlike Alex).

However, while rereading, I realised I also related to Conner! I have trouble concentrating in class and keep falling asleep. Ouch. I have a similar sense of humour to him (kinda). I also like writing stories like Conner (although I'm not really writing any these days, and that's partly because of my perfectionist tendencies...aha). Oh, and the fact that he has trouble listening in general. That's...literally me? And it's also why I don't fare well in social situations. Sigh.

Also. The scene where Alex is talking to Conner about her day, while Conner is trying to listen because he knows Alex has no one else to talk to? That scene was SO relatable. I don't know if my friends are only pretending to listen to me or what, but I really appreciate them. And I try to listen to them when they want to talk about something they like too.

I have yet to reread the rest of these books and I hope to do so eventually. It was nice to revisit this one, since I do have particular memories attached to it from the first time I read it.

(Random fun fact: I got the idea for my OC Connor's name from this book. I did change the spelling because of personal preferences but eh.)

[trainingdummyrabbit]

okok this took longer than i thought but :] funy fan abno time. LOTS of stuff under the cut, lets go <33

> Whispers of Another Life // O-01-19 // WAW

(I feel it, I feel it-- Can't you hear the horizon calling?)

The ever-present pull of a place you don't know, but desperately need to be. Misplacement and loneliness. The siren's song of a stranger you so badly wish to return to.

Its body is made of a series of collage pieces, each bearing a different artistic style. It has a set of cartoon wings that are naught but a scribbled outline, unsteady but with purpose. In stead of facial features, its face is obscured by what seems to be a messy pencil scratch. It twitches and changes frequently, as if trying to put together the pieces of a puzzle. It can never seem to find the right combination.

(Most to least unstable: hands/wings/mask -> limbs/head -> torso/shape.)

Low Q Counter. Work types Best to Worst:

- Repression ++

(Quelling its desire to search provides a grounding effect, preventing it from growing out of control.)

- Attachment +

(Having something to fill the gaps helps to keep it level, but it can never truly replace what it is looking for.)

- Instinct -

(It tolerates this type of work, but it does nothing to address its nature.)

- Insight --

(Trying to understand or bring out its essence simply destabilizes it further.)

Capable of breaching-- it changes form to become much less humanoid when doing so. While dangerous, it doesn't ever actively attack employees. Rather, it deals passive white damage to anyone in the same corridor as it, as its emotions overflow and tamper with the physicality of its immediate surroundings. It's more of a loss of control than a rampage. It wanders for an exit it can never find, and becomes more and more unstable as it goes. If left unattended, its passive damage steadily increases. It has a high movement speed after breaching, but it proportionally goes down with its damage output.

Agents that panic under the effects of this abnormality are switched to Release behavior, regardless of their typical panic type. Agents afflicted with this state gain a collage-type effect obscuring their eyes, and have a slightly harder time being suppressed due to an increase in movement speed.

Resistances (Highest to Lowest): Red, Black, White, Pale

---

EGO Equipment: Hiraeth

Weapon: A patchwork violin that always sounds nostalgic, a feeling just outside of your periphery. Ranged, white damage. Low damage, but quick output.

Special: A loud screeching note that deals heavy white damage, but has a bit of a recharge period.

Gift: A small, scribbly set of wings by the head. Increases SP, attack speed, and work speed.

[ Snippet of a recording of an Employee account of the subject. ]

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be a shooting star? To travel miles and miles and miles, only to land somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere strange. A place not built for you, unwelcoming to your very essence.

[...]

Hm? The recording? Ah, yes, I'm getting to it. Don't worry, everything I'm saying is very important to the report.

[...]

...Fine, if you insist.

When it arrived, nobody was really sure what to make of it. Many others who had tried to work with it simply did not get any conclusive results. It was "unresponsive," "uncooperative," "difficult." They just didn't know what they were doing. So, they ended up picking me to work on it next; something about being "receptive" and "observant," or something like that. You know, work speak.

It never responded too much, at first. I can't imagine why it would. But I'm nothing if not persistent. I always find a way. Maybe it just needed a little help communicating. So we brought in some basic crafts material. You know; paper, pencils, crayons. I will admit, it may have been at least a little bit for me, too.

I used to draw a lot when I was little, you know. Was a bit of a lonely kid, y'know? I don't do it so much anymore, it just isn't in the cards for me. But back then, at least, it almost felt like--

[...]

...Right. Sorry. The subject.

Surprisingly, it actually moved to join me after some time. Drawing, I mean. I wasn't sure it had the ability, but sure enough, it had picked up the nearest utensil and begun working with purpose. I don't much like prying with this sort of thing, but looking at what it was doing... it was the strangest thing. It was a mess, incomprehensible-- but somehow, it was striking. I knew that place. Or at least, it felt like it. It wasn't clear, but something in it... it felt like home.

But as it went, it got less and less steady, more sporadic-- frustrated, almost-- until eventually, it grew so unstable I was forced to end working with it early. We didn't touch its unit for a while after that, but I couldn't stop thinking about that scene it was drawing. It never spoke, but I could hear it. It whispers, you know? If anyone had taken the time to listen, maybe they'd have noticed.

I know what it's like to be alone first hand, you know. That feeling of listlessness, that incorrectness... I know it all too well. And once, for once in my entire life... it felt like I finally, truly found someone who understood.

[...]

Yes, I know we are not supposed to view the abnormalities as people. Trust me, I remember. You don't have to worry about it. Those rules are just petty precautions anyway.

[...]

Hm? Oh, I don't think you understand. I know exactly what I'm doing. In fact, I think i've done my job quite well.

[ An alarm begins blaring. ]

Ah, there it is. This was nice, but I think that's my cue. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my friend will be going now.

[ A sudden cacophony of noise kicks up, and the recording abruptly ends. ]

[toyota-supra]

i have no idea what's going on with this racing stuff but i'm fascinated. can i get an explanation of it all?

I'm sure actual F1 tumblr would explain this better than me but basically besides like, 15 other topics of drama that had been brewing up in the sport because of course, today's race was very interesting because of the following

McLaren drivers Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri were ahead at the start of the race, Lando having gotten the pole position yesterday and Oscar right behind. Because Lando is quite slow at starts, Oscar and Max Verstappen of Red Bull quickly overtook him, but Max had to give second place back to Lando because he was forced off of the road and gained advantage. So for like 15-20 laps or so, it was Oscar in front with Lando behind.

Then when it's time to pit for tire changes, of course because you can't pit both cars in the same team at once because there's only one pit, you have to choose who goes first. For some reason, McLaren decides that Lando should go first, thus getting fresher tires (i.e. an advantage) before Oscar, who was ahead, could. Then, when Oscar has to pit, Lando passes him already with this advantage. This strategy of getting fresh tires before someone else so that you can get an advantage over them when it's their turn to go is called undercutting.

By the time both McLarens had pitted and Oscar caught up to second position (which I believe wasn't very difficult, because Max had to pit after Oscar I think?), Lando's radio was beeping all the fucking time about how the team strategy is that Lando has to give the first position back to Oscar.

But like... why? There's no rule that makes Lando have to give the position, it is JUST team strategy. The team realized that they had given Lando a winning advantage when Oscar had been ahead for a while at the start. But of course, Lando doesn't want to give the position away because every racer is racing to win, and there was also the concern that, if Oscar was too much slower than Lando, then Lando having to give the position back would give too much opportunity to whoever was behind Oscar (I believe it was Lewis Hamilton then) to pass them both.

But that wasn't really a concern, because nobody was close enough to the McLarens for that to happen

This radio fight went on for so fucking long, because Lando's gap (i.e. the number of seconds between when a driver and another cross the same part of the course) kept increasing, indicating that Lando was correct about the fact that Oscar isn't going as fast as him. Lando's idea was that, since he is faster, of course he deserves the win, especially since him undercutting Oscar was completely on the team's fault, and not on the drivers.

However, orders are orders, so 3 laps from the finish, Lando just slams the brakes and lets Oscar pass, and then tries to catch up on his own terms but can't. Oscar Piastri, 23 year old Australian driver, had his first victory in F1 under team orders instead of a real dispute. It's a sad thing to see in the sport, but not the first time this has happened. When Oscar's radio turned on, his victory celebration seemed... Not very enthusiastic

McLaren kind of. Ruined both their drivers' races for basically no fault except their own orders, and then pushed the blame on Lando. It really doesn't make sense. This strategy doesn't benefit the championship either, because if they want to win the drivers championship, Lando is already ahead so giving him the points would have been better. This entire thing could have been easily avoided, and it's a shame to see this situation in a team that is probably the fastest car right now.

Oscar is a good driver and deserves victories, especially when he was faster than Lando at the start and earned a victory from then even... But I hate to see any fast driver have to give up a race because of team incompetence

[jamiethebee]

For your question on whether shigaraki would have stopped the destruction if spinner asked, he may very well have stopped. He did say this allies should get what ever they wanted, so if spinner wanted him to stop, I would suppose shigaraki would have listened. However, he does have the rest of the league to think about, but they weren't really in it for destruction, they wanted change and justice.

I was soooo ready to agree with you! Because those were exactly my thoughts!!

And then I started thinking some more (unfortunately). Thinking about how Spinner started all of this because of Stain, because he wanted to make a difference, and how he was won over to follow Shigaraki and support him, and how he thought that destroyed horizon was so pretty and wanted to see it. And how, towards the end, Spinner's desire was to see Shigaraki succeed.

Anywho! Then I started thinking about how Spinner would rather see change and that Shigaraki was critiqued in the beginning because he had no drive, no ideals he was working towards other than destruction and how Spinner having such nebulous ideals of his own* combines with Shigaraki's destruction but then I think about the heteromorph discrimination group and how they destroyed that chapter, and it was a combination of their ideals (destroy and hopeful rebirth? Maybe? That the change wrought by the emptiness will be better).

.... So yeah I started spiralling off what should have been a very simple agreement. Because maybe at the end of it all, he never would've asked Shigaraki to stop because Spinner knew that's what Shigaraki wanted.

Or maybe I'll live in a world where Spinner gets captured and they get him to talk down Shigaraki so they can take down Shigaraki without killing him and actually at least one villain doesn't die and they break out of jail together and collect Dabi and toga and compress and live in the woods or whatever

*like he borrowed heavily from Stain's own manifesto and then once he moved away from that we do see him kind of floating around, trying to find a way to anchor himself, and anchor himself in the League

[bedforddanes75]

hello who wants filth. maybe nobody but its here anyway. IM SCARED

[mania-sama]

i just found out that i misspelled “hand” as “head” in not just the work itself, but in the SUMMARY. THE SUMMARY. of if you need me, dear. WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP LETTING ME GET AWAY WITH THESE HORRIFIC GRAMMAR MISTAKES. STOP IT. 😭😭😭

[kindred-spirit-93]

*succinct & eloquent opening line. maybe a clever joke or quote* :D

do you ever sit there and contemplate your life choices after like a certain experience or a talk with a loved one?

do you ever come across a quote or a piece that seems like it was written for you in this particular moment in time? an anecdote that mirrors your current situation perhaps?

well im currently going through it & after a double whammy of mama lore TM during some resurfacing anxious & assorted crises, i dont even know what im going through anymore. but we shared a really sweet heart to heart and reminisced over good and less good times aw!

i am reminded that there is still much to life, light to be sought and found, good times yet to be had. its bittersweet. its mature. its scary? its like coming to terms with your mortality but on a smaller scale. or bigger whos to say...

i wont be venting anything, i think for now at least im content to vague post lmao. also my dad bought me some stress eating treats so i might need to go wallow in my feels for a bit

after i jinxed myself by saying im going on hiatus but failing to stay off the website lol (i had moot withdrawl symptoms sue me), i wont be repeating the same mistake, but with context clues i trust u can see where im going with this

it might sound presumptious to state so confidently that this next month of my life will be the hardest in my career, especially since im not even half way there yet, but the truth of the matter is that it is.

ive been struggling for well over a year now (mostly academically) and im both succeeding in places i didnt before (alhamdulillah!) but failing in the exact same places elsewhere. guys i may have anxiety lol

self fulfilling prophecies, nocebo effect, whatever it is & regardless of what you want to call it, its rough. its hard. im tired. theres still so much left and im tired. i shouldnt be this tired. or this empty. or careless. what have i let myself become? why am i punishing myself still?

this coming month will dictate the rest of my future and ill have no one to blame but myself if i let the opportunity slip through my fingers. but if all goes well inshallah i can put this all behind me and start anew so theres that silver lining :D

i kinda lost direction of this post about half an hour ago lol. my point is im going to try harder at balancing several life aspects bc i really cant put it off any more. i need to establish balance because ive been out of the loop for too long now. *shudders in python*

anyways there are plenty of things i have to work on, both in my studies and life, so i have that going for me *party kazoo noises*

id love to grace you all with some wise words or a life lesson or something but i dont have a neat one liner to sum up anything. despite that im writing this because sometimes letting thoughts float in my head isnt enough, i need to articulate and write it out because to let them roam in the vast expanses of my mind under the pretense that i achieved something is frankly silly as it is counterproductive.

a n y w a y , to anyone and everyone reading take care of yourselves and your loved ones. i wish everyone the best in life and in their endeavours. i will probably pop back in every now and again to catch up on messages and make sure everyone is alive and nothing burned down. i will however attempt to exert self control. (key word: attempt)

aight imma head out before i get too emotional or combust with the need to say something stupid like i love you be more unserious XD

[ultimateinferno]

I'm helping my dad out with relocating his shed, and I had to cut a bunch of pieces of 2×4 out of varying lengths. Naturally, I pondered over how to best do this in a way that saves on the number of boards I use up. Very easily I'm sent back to my Operating Systems course in uni, namely our unit on memory allocation. Our assignment was to build our own heap manager (specifically recreate malloc/free from scratch—if you don't know what that is don't worry).

Early on, our professor proposes an issue. At the start, you'll have a continuous stretch of memory occupied, but as various parts of the heap are freed, you'll start to run into fragmentation. For the non-computer people, fragmentation is when you have a lot of open unused memory/storage, but they're scattered haphazardly between used up space, so you can't really use it. He advised us that "Best Fit" (memory allocated in the smallest chunk of free memory) is actually quite wasteful in the long term, and that "Worst Fit" (memory allocated in the largest possible chunk of free memory) or "Next Fit" (memory allocated in the first chunk of viable memory following the preceding allocation (so if you have something like [4,2,7,5,3,9], you store something 5kb in size turning it into [4,2,3,5,3,9] then you store something that's 2kb making it [4,2,3,3,3,9], modifying the fourth space even though it could have fit in the first through third)) are much more efficient in the long run.

For example, to use my board metaphor, let's say you have two boards, one 15 inches long and the other 20 inches long. The first board you need to cut is 10 inches. If you did best fit, you'll cut the first board, leaving you with 5 inches. If you did worst fit, then you'd cut the second board, leaving 10 inches. Next up is a cut demanding 14 inches. Best Fit would have you cutting the remaining 20 inch board leaving 6 inches. Worst Fit would have you cut the 15 inch board leaving 1 inch. Next again is another 10 inch board. Using Best Fit, you cannot git this board anywhere, having a scrap of 5 and 6 inches. Worst Fit meanwhile, has a 10 inch board scrap available.

Of course, with boards, Worst Fit would always have you pulling out the new pieces rather before touching scrap, but if you require using scrap first before touching new, it can still be pretty efficient. Big caveat, of course, is that these strategies are generally optimized for unpredictable allocation. You don't know how big your next one will be so you have to use the strategy that minimizes potential fragmentation. If you knew 100% of every allocation you'll need to make (like say, taking all of the measurements before cutting) you can much more easily optimize usage, but that's still a problem that's NP-Complete (iykyk) (it's officially called the Bin Packing Problem if you want to know more).

That said, if you're doing any woodworking and you want to burn through your scrap pile while maximizing projects but don't want to plan out your projects too much, Worst or Next Fit might stretch them out a bit better than grabbing the smallest possible piece available.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

SO

To clarify before I tell you what these all entail... this will probably not effect what I choose too much as my choice will be on what's likely to be the easiest option to get back into writing again. I'm just curious what people would want to read from me, hence the poll.

Tubehell Challange:

This is the thing where I use the exact same amount of words as Andrea Waggener to tell The Storyteller and The Mimic stories from the books, but with less credenzas and hopefully more impact. This option would leave me a little over 14k words to write before I'd officially beat Nano this year, meaning I'd be able to maybe make a good start on one of the other options if I get that far. This is like a combo I guess. If I can get the two short stories done, I can do whatever else afterwards to reach the Nano goal of 50k words. Optimistic? Yeah... but it's two short stories I think I can do that in a month lmao

Ruin Aftermath AU:

This is the AU I have in mind for what comes after the standard Ruin ending. Roxy, Cassie and some Minis would be working together to deal with Mimic, escape the underground, and keep eachother safe. This AU is the basis of Ruin Meteors, and where most of my Ruin compliant AUs stem from, so I for sure want to do this one at some point. I don't know how long it'll be though, but is intended to be much shorter than anything like Meteors would be.

Start Ruin Meteors AU:

Yeah this is the Meteors AU I've been talking about recently. A meteor strikes the planet and does a bunch of cool magic stuff over an extended period of time. This includes turning the animatronics into flesh and blood versions of themselves one by one. This one needs a lot of prep work and is incredibly long, but I really enjoy it and would love to explore some of the ideas I have for it sooner rather than later. It's really long though, so even if I beat Nano with it, I'd probably still have a long way to go to finish it.

MXES Roxy/Jurassic Bark shorts:

This is what it says on the tin. I could focus on short stories of my own and explore some of the ideas I have for Roxy being a part of the MXES and some unrelated Jurassic Bark ship ideas for the variety. Ideas for MXES Roxy include what she can see with her eyes, being the last one infected, having different security based abilities to the others, etc. Ideas for Jurassic Bark would sometimes overlap with MXES Roxy, but also include shorts on little conflicts they have, comforts, date nights, silly goofs, etc.

And then of course, the last option is for those that have no preference.

I'm only polling for what you guys would be most interested in, I'll be doing whatever I think is best for getting me back into writing again, regardless of the results. I'm just curious!

[princess-of-purple-prose]

Welcome to Night Vale episode recs

Welcome to Night Vale episode recs—for new listeners and for fans that fell off! I’m thrilled to see interest spiking in my favorite podcast after certain site-wide events, so this is a list made to make Night Vale's large catalogue less intimidating. WTNV is a master of both impressively plotted arcs and phenomenal one-offs, and there's something for everyone, whether you've never heard it before or haven't listened in eight years <3

Requisite warnings: Welcome to Night Vale is an absurdist horror-comedy, and it goes heavy on themes of unreality, especially in regards to perception, derealization, time and memory, existential dread, and body horror. The premise is that the listener is a citizen of the town, and Cecil often addresses the audience directly, not to mention frequently implies they’re in danger. The series is also (United States-centric) political satire about government surveillance, gun laws, and general conspiracy. Year One specifically is heavy on themes of anti-indigenous racism, which I believe were resolved insensitively. Please be cautious, and honestly, if anyone has questions about specific warnings/episodes I'd probably be down to answer!

On to the episodes! I’ve sorted them here into recs for new listeners and for returning ones. The list is quite long (26 recs in all—longer than a season!), so I’ve put it under a cut, but TL;DR: Year One is the best for people looking to get into the feel of the series, and returning listeners should consider relistening to some old arcs and poking into the new ones to see what’s changed in Night Vale, both town and show! The official transcripts page lets you sort by arc and by year, and I personally love the now-archived cecilspeaks on Tumblr for transcripts up to 176!

For new listeners

Recs to pique your interest! These are mostly one-shots which represent the ethos and storytelling of Night Vale :)

1, “Pilot”: An absolute classic, and one of my favorites even after so long! The first episode is literally amazing at setting up the general tone of the show and the town, not to mention dropping about a dozen future plot threads at once!

2, “Glow Cloud”: ALL HAIL—ahem. There’s a glow cloud and a wonderful end monologue :)

3, “Station Management”: Sneaking this in because this is the ep that really dragged me into the show! I could go in depth, but I know my audience; simply go forth knowing it features Cecil being a poor little meow meow <3

13 and 45, “A Story About You” and “A Story About Them”: The first parts of one of the most intriguing arcs of the series, told in second-person with an engrossing break from usual format and eeriness aplenty!

71, “The Registry of Middle School Crushes”: A family heist!!!

94, “All Right”: One of Night Vale’s most technically impressive episodes—listen to this one with headphones!

101, “Guidelines for Disposal”: Another personal fave. Something about this one really, really strikes at my heart, and I think it perfectly showcases Night Vale’s ability to balance its silly surrealism with haunting, lovely narrative

131, “Brought to You by Kellog’s”: I can’t possibly explain this one. Just listen to it

132, “Bedtime Story”: Oh man. Ohhh my god. Do you want to feel feelings about a boy who wanted to know everything

133, “Are You Sure?”: Another technically stunning episode; you have to relisten to this one for it to achieve full impact. Consider reloading once you’re done with your first listen, and again after your second :)

142, “UFO Sightings Report”: A lovely episode that offers glimpses into the lives of various Night Vale citizens. It ends heavily, but comfortingly all the same

159, “Cat Show”: You know how Cecil has a floating nightmare cat?

168, “Secret Blotter”: Extremely fun episode which goes off the usual format by a tad to great effect

All in all: I think Year One is the absolute best for exploring the ambience of the town and familiarizing yourself with recurring names and arcs, and even in a town where time doesn’t work, it’s best to start at the beginning! But there are so many Night Vale episodes famed for their prose and panache, and for good reason—shop around for what interests you!

For returning listeners

Meant to be a list of refreshers plus things that make you go “hey WHAT happened while I was gone???”

16, “The Phone Call”: Don’t we all wish we could recapture the experience of hearing Cecil squeak “Neat!” for the first time... (To new listeners: Have you heard Carlos the Scientist’s (season one) voice before? Have you heard Cecil being smitten and mortified? Would you like to?)

27, “First Date”: Listen, I’m trying to get y’all in the cecilos mood again, is it working

49A and B, “Old Oak Doors”: Possibly the best climax to any arc ever. This live recording goes so, so hard

67, “Best Of?”: Okay, I have a huge multidimensional timeline charted for Cecil, and this episode does heavy lifting for about 60% of it

110, “Matryoshka”: This episode will undo you. Talk about reckonings. Genuinely impactful writing, and a gorgeous resolution to one of my favorite arcs

111, “Summer 2017, Night Vale, USA”: THE episode for returning listeners. I’ll let the episode summary speak for itself: Everything is the same. Everything is different.

135, “The Mudstone Abyss Part 1”: Hey, remember that Kevin guy? Wonder what he's up to these days!

144, “The Dreamer” and the rest of the Blood Space War arc (144-149): This arc will fuck you up irrevocably and you will not regret it

171, “Go to the Mirror?”: Very possibly one of the scariest episodes in the podcast, thanks in no small part to Cecil Baldwin’s stellar voice acting and the sound design

182 and 192, “It Sticks with You” and “It Doesn’t Hold Up”: In line with 171, these episodes will make you fucked up about Cecil Palmer

195 and 196, “Silas the Thief”: Just trust me

212, “The Campus”: Wanna dive right into the current arc? Here you go!

My bias is especially clear in this set, and for that I apologize, but I really think it’s worth refamiliarizing yourself with some of the long-running plot threads to get the max enjoyment out of the current arcs, which so far have been high-octane and recalled a lot of early elements of the show, not to mention Cecil and Carlos backstory!

Closing notes

I know this is a long list! It was a struggle paring it down as much as I did—half my favorites aren’t even here :’) I hope my enthusiasm for so many episodes makes it clear how dearly I hold this show to my heart; Night Vale has been a second home to me for years now, and I hope you give it a chance to be yours too <3