#no promises for the timing on that but i legitimately have nothing better to do so lol hopefully ep 2 will happen soon!

[princessefemmelesbian]

Maybe I’m just being dramatic but it does legitimately scare and sadden me to see that a lot of transandrophobia truthers are literally just…young boys. Like, actual children. Like you’re not even old enough to vote yet and you have your whole life ahead of you and yet you are being manipulated into joining an mra group that hates trans women with a passion and thinks that men are oppressed in society for being men, and constantly uses Black men as their talking point in order to sound diverse and inclusive, meanwhile they’re also appropriating and misusing terminology specifically created by Black women to talk about our own oppression in order to get their misandry point across…to say nothing of the fact that the largest people in this group(including but not limited to its creator!) have misogynistic rape/detrans kinks centered specifically around preying on lesbians and trans women and this is something that is normalized and defended by the vast majority of transandrophobia truthers, or at least defended viciously by every single transandrodork that I’ve ever encountered who argued with me(a lesbian!!!) that actually there’s nothing wrong with getting off to the corrective rape of women because two consenting adults can do whatever they want in the bedroom(yeah right)! Not to mention I have yet to come across a transandrophobia truther who wasn’t also a raging die-hard Zionist.

And that’s why it disturbs me so much to see young trans boys jumping onto this transmisogynistic hate train like you guys realize these men don’t have your best interests at heart, right? They’re only going to manipulate you into being a sexist entitled asshat who shuns and bullies the trans women in your community and sees them as oppressing you. Like I know you’re still in middle/high school but you can still think for yourselves, you can choose to be better than this, you can choose to actually learn about feminism and realize that it’s not actually misandry that oppresses you, it’s transphobia. Misandry doesn’t suddenly become real because you slap a trans paint over it that’s not how it works that’s not how intersectionality works that’s not how any of this shit works. There are better trans men to talk to about trans issues who know that the patriarchy is real and don’t shit on trans women in order to speak out about trans topics, so go seek them out, okay? You absolutely do not have to listen to shit that the “male supremacists but trans” group of lowlives has to say. Hell, tell them to fuck off instead! Please, I promise you that there are much better options, there are ALWAYS better options, and you still have time to escape before they fully radicalize you into basically being an incel. There will ALWAYS be another way. ❤️

[vxm1tcxre]

Pvrging harm reduction masterpost (from someone who’s had severe bul1m14 for 3 years, and who wishes they’d gotten this advice)

I get asked a lot and see posts asking for “tips” around pvrging.

I absolutely do not condone it. It’s a horrendously dangerous, unpleasant, and addictive behavior, and often a slippery slope to full-swing bul1m14 (and trust me, that is not something you want, for the sake of your wallet and sanity).

However, I do acknowledge that that doesn’t get in the way of the urge to do it. It certainly didn’t for me. That’s not how 3ds work. Being told how dangerous and horrible something is often is just more enticing. I know people are going to try it regardless. And frankly, I’d much rather focus on tips to stay safe over just telling you “don’t do it” like a Christian parent preaching abstinence. Harm reduction is king, especially on a platform like 3dblr.

So, here is a list of things to help you stay safe.

1. I feel like I should reiterate this again- if you at all can, don’t start. It’s not the c4ls-be-gone magic spell it might seem to be. Starting is what ended my r3str1ct1v3 phase. I thought it’d just be a last resort for when I ate too much. Fast forward to now, it’s been 3 years since my first time and I consume a good 6k+ c4ls every single day, have g4ined a ton of w3ight, feel like shit all the time, have no control around food, am constantly broke, have done things that would make people gag, and have all the risk with no reward. Ultimately, you will not l0se w3ight with pvrging. It gets harder and less effective the longer you do it. While the “you can only get rid of 50%” you often hear is a myth, being bul1m1c destroys your control, and eating maintenance in addition to whatever c4ls you didn’t manage to pvrge will inevitably lead to w3ight gain over time. It simply isn’t worth it.

2. DO NOT USE FOREIGN OBJECTS. It is legitimately so dangerous. Massive choking hazard and generally terrible for your throat. If you can’t get a response with your fingers, don’t do it. I promise, getting rid of some chicken nuggets is not worth getting a plastic fork lodged down your throat and almost dying. (Yes, I am speaking from experience)

3. Some people are simply incapable of inducing v0m1t1ng. It’s more common than is talked about and is completely normal. Frankly, if you have urges to pvrge and find that you can’t do it, consider it a sign.

4. Do not brush your teeth directly after. This is because the bristles of your toothbrush will rub the acid into your enamel, increasing the chances of decay.

5. Baking soda is magic. Swish about a teaspoon with some water in your mouth to neutralize the acid. Swallowing some (significantly less- about 1/4 to 1/2 tsp) is also an easy remedy for acid reflux. Get checked and have your teeth cleaned at the dentist’s regularly- if damage starts occurring, you can catch and mitigate it early.

6. Maintain good dental health as much as you can. Continue to brush and floss regularly. Keep in mind, however, that you can’t avoid tooth decay forever. It’s inevitable with long-term pvrging.

7. One of the biggest risks is electrolyte deficiencies. You often hear of people dying from cardiac arrest. This is because thr0wing up depletes your potassium, which helps with muscle contraction. Your heart is a muscle. If it’s unable to contract, it will fail. After pvrging, replenish your electrolytes. Coconut water, Gatorade, pedialyte, anything that contains the nutrients you just got rid of.

8. Also remember to stay normally hydrated. Even just drinking water is better than nothing. pvrging dehydrates you.

9. DO NOT FLUSH. It’s one of the most dangerous games you can play.

10. Try and eat something safe after the fact, especially if you’re having symptoms of low blood sugar (shaking, dizziness, sweating, a rapid heartbeat). This can be easier said than done but it’s crucial to getting back to normal. Something easy on your stomach with some c4rbs is ideal- toast, rice cakes, crackers, etc.

11. Avoid hot showers or baths or exercising directly after. You will lose more water through sweating. Wash your hands and face- especially around your chin and mouth, pvrge-induced acne is a real thing- and rest for a while.

12. Warm drinks or cold foods like popsicles or ice cream are very soothing on the throat. Throat coat tea and hot chocolate are quite nice. The former may be best if your stomach isn’t feeling well.

13. You will bloat like crazy whenever you eat if you pvrge long term. It’s hell on your digestive tract in general. It’s one of my biggest struggles and pet peeves. Honestly, you can only really wait for it to go away. Remember that it will with time, and do something to distract yourself from it. Some things that in my experience have made it less severe are to eat at a reasonable pace, chew your food thoroughly, and sip drinks rather than chugging them.

14. L4x4t1v3s absolutely aren’t worth it. You don’t really get rid of anything and it’s a fast track to dependency and being horrifically constipated whenever you don’t use them. Stay away. If you must, opt for natural remedies like teas, fiber-rich foods, chia seeds, etc.

15. If you take medication, wait several hours before pvrging. It obviously won’t work if you just get rid of it.

Feel free to reblog this with any advice of your own. I hope this helps some of you; stay safe out there.

[balkanradfem]

I was sitting with the woman I care for in the lounge, while the horrible male and the neighbour discussed the news and politics loudly in the kitchen.

'Ugh, they always have to talk about the news.' She complained, irritated.

'Oh they're not saying anything smart.' I reassure her, already having heard their little 'debates'.

'Don't say that!' She was shocked by my judgment. 'I just don't know why they just have to discuss it, it's all so horrible.'

'They're not discussing it. They're having a debate on who has the most correct opinion of it.' I assert.

'No they're just asking each other "Have you seen this? Have you seen that?"' She kindly misquotes them.

'and "What did I tell you, I said this was going to happen, I knew it would be like this, those people are idiots, if they only did x"' I quote them more accurately. 'They're using the news to prove their superior intelect to the other.'

She said nothing in response, unwilling to entertain my claim. I guess it felt too painful to imagine, that while we cared deeply about the disasters in the news, to the males in the kitchen they were only a stage on which to assert superiority over each other. I even caught them antagonizing each other and blatantly misrepresenting their own opinion just to have a 'superior' opinion to the other.

I'm used to males primarily approaching world issues in order to assert to current company about how well informed, smart and superior they are. They never offer empathy or legitimate solutions, only assert how everything would have been better if the male was asked his opinion first (said in deep hindsight), how they should just do x (something cruel or impossible for the circumstances) and how everything is going to go bad now (can be said about anything, no consequences for him if he's wrong). 

This is not only exhausting, unnecesary, shallow, misinformative and annoying, but also shuts down any meaningful or resolution-seeking discussion about the issue. It also fails people who do not want to talk about the issue because they understand its not an issue they could contribute to or solve, and it's reductive and ignorant to talk about people going trough it as if we know better than them. A concept fully incomprehensible to a male seeking validation on what a special smart boy he is for watching the news and trashing the people in it.

I feel that for women it's often alienating, intimidating or difficult to understand when males start discussing politics, but I promise you its always just this. It's on purpose done to seem intimidating, non-understandable and alienating because thats what gives them the control over the conversation and how they get to waste your time and energy. 

They're not saying anything smart. All of their discussions are copy-paste because they're just trying to affirm their superiority over anyone trying to participate in the conversation. They want you to feel dumb in comparison and they'll say just about anything to make it happen. 

You're not dumb. You probably understand it on a deeper level than they do and you're forced to entertain their toddler level of obsrvation skill.

[unetherian]

Things to do when you're a newly awakened alter/nonhuman!

[PT: Things to do when you're a newly awakened alter/nonhuman! end of PT]

[Sorry for any spelling or wording mistakes, I don't speak English fluently]

1/Make an alterhuman journal

Do you have an old, almost empty notebook that you haven't used since the end of your middle school years? Or a little notepad that you received for your birthday and that lies at the bottom of the drawer that you never open? Now is the time to use it!

Write in it your alter/nonhuman journey, what made you wonder if you are alter/nonhuman, the research to find your type, if you are otherlink, what made you choose your type, if you are physically nonhuman, a portrait of how you see yourself in everyday life,...

I will probably do a post in the future on what to put in your journal :3

2/Don't lie to yourself...

Some newly awakened alters/nonhumans intentionally cause false flashbacks or force themselves to shift to feel legitimate... No Don't do this, it's okay if you don't have flashbacks or past life memories, it's okay if you don't shift, it's okay if your type isn't considered "cool" or if it is considered "too common" or "too rare" to be valid. Same for polyalter/nonhumans, it's okay if you really have a lot of types, don't worry. You're valid. You are yourself. Don't lie, just let yourself exist.

3/Ask questions to educated alters/nonhumans

Asking questions is literally a cheat code for educating yourself! Don't be afraid to share your questions on this subject, you will get very rich answers. But be careful which being you are talking because maybe it is not very educated himself...

4/Be interested in categories of alter/nonhumans who do not have the same experiences/beliefs as you

It's really interesting to understand these other communities better. It makes me despair when I see beings insulting other beings because their experiences are different... Getting to know and respect others is the key to avoiding these kinds of situations.

5/Search for your type!

For alters/nonhumans whose identity is often difficult to identify (otherkin, plantkin, therian, etc.), I recommend doing a lot of research and introspection. Make a list of all the species that could match you, draw a profile, ... There are many different methods to find out who you are. But don't use tests like "What is your theriotype", they are really not reliable (for information I am a feline and I did two tests in one they said I am a wolf and in another a fox so... yeah) Searches can last months and even years, it doesn't matter if you don't find it right away or if you make a mistake. You will find it, I promise you :3

For identities where the type is often easy to find (otherhearteds for example) you are very lucky 😅

For those whose choice of type is often voluntary (otherlink, copinglink, ect) take personality tests, do some research on what you most want/need to be,... Don't worry, you have the right to change your type!

Some alters/nonhumans don't have types, but that doesn't stop them from doing introspection exercises anyway!

For those who have already found their type, nothing prevents you from doing other research (to write in your alter/nonhuman journal, perhaps), for example fun facts about your type, types of gears not very well known that you would like to buy/make, learn how to draw it, lern their body language etc.

6/Make a den/nest!

Some being really like to make a cozy little corner just to become a little being in their cabin, and others like to make a majestic pillow fortress to protect themselves from human society. Get your covers on, let's go!

You can also create them outdoors, on your territory. (Don't forget to hydrate yourself, especially if it's hot)

Torn from Therian territory made tutorials (on YouTube) for indoor and outdoor dens, I recommend them!

7/Try to shift (if you want to/can)/species euphoria

I know that some alterhumans don't shift, can't voluntarily shift, or just don't like it, but sometimes shifting can be liberating and cause species euphoria (the opposite of species dysphoria).

If you don't want to/can't shift you can also do activities that bring you closer to your identity!

8/Make a scent marker!

If your type is territorial, I highly recommend this! It's a kind of little "potion" where you can find your scent + some plants that remind your scent and your territory, and you can spray it in your territory. Some beings add a little essential oil. Torn also made a video on the subject, "How to make a scent marker?".

⚠️Do not use environmentally harmful elements in this "potion"!⚠️

9/ Try activities related to your type/identity!

In our communities, when we talk about connecting with our identity, we often think of gears, quads, vocals,... But there are many other ways to get closer to your alter/nonhumanity! For example, a therian Ibex can practice rock climbing, a spacekin can learn astrophotography, an ockin can write a whole universe around his oc, a naturesoul can keep a journal where it tells all his past incarnations,... All forms of art can bring you closer to who you really are! (drawing, animation, story/poetry/song writing, music, etc.) No need to be an artist with incredible talent, try and have fun, it will already be a thousand times better than nothing! Even if you haven't found your type yet, let yourself be guided by your instincts and what makes you tick!

10/Read positive things about alter/nonhumanity

Sometimes, with the dramas, the insults from the anti, the non-accepting people, the doubt of really being an alter/nonhuman, the imposter syndrome,... There are times when you feel horribly wrong and misunderstood.

I really understand how it feels, when I first came into the community I was constantly asking myself "am I really therian?" "Is this just a teenage fantasy in search of identity?" "No one will support me..."And sometimes I would go on YouTube to take my mind off things and I would come across a stupid video that invited alter/nonhumans to commit the irreparable.

During this time I was only focusing on the negative part of being an alter/nonhuman. But, we must not forget these positive sides. We tend to talk more about our problems on Tumblr because for many, it's the only place they can confide freely. It's a way of "getting your emotional juices out", it's like therapy for some. But in reality, there are many positive and fun sides to being alter/nonhuman. It's true that by forgetting all that, it's more complicated to accept yourself as you are. Written alterhuman/nonhuman/objectkin/otherlink/therian/otherkin/ect positivity on Tumblr. You'll find so much comfort there!

I hope this helped you, remember, as long as you don't hurt anything or anyone intentionally, you are completely valid! You have the right to be yourself.

Take care of yourself, drink water and have an amazing day/evening/night!

Bye!

[weabooweedwitch]

I really resent the framing of "democrats should have ran a better campaign" as a defense for the fact that Trump undeniably won almost exclusively because more than 15 million Democrats refused to even vote this year in a country extremely notorious for only like 40% of its population voting at all

No it's absolutely on the people who refused to vote. How many times do we have to say, "it's one side or the other, choosing neutrality benefits exclusively the aggressor" until people fucking get it, like legitimately actually do you understand that neutrality in an election DOESNT FUCKING EXIST

And yeah I support Palestine but I'll say with my full fucking chest that if you refused to vote over Palestine you're a fucking idiot because Trump's literal entire career has involved him openly praising fascist dictatorships and him moving the US embassy to Jerusalem and declaring it the capital of Israel was him PERSONALLY escalating much of the conflict in the Middle East including the violence against Palestinians. You guys literally handed the presidency to a guy who doesn't even fucking care about Palestinian statehood and literally passed a fucking Muslim ban in his first term like

Maybe I'm just too autistic for this discussion and I'm thinking of it too logically but when did Americans start associating a single candidate with their entire party. "Oh wow I don't like the Democrat elect as a person, guess I won't vote for the side that wants to get free school lunches for kids just because I don't think this one person has enough charisma" like are you an actual inbred fool

2028 could have the Democrat candidate be a literal actual axe murderer and I would still vote for them because I'm voting for Democrat and leftist POLICY, not if I personally like the symbolic figurehead, and even if the Democrats promised NOTHING, I would still vote for that so I could actively stop team "we are openly goddamn racist all the time and we hate women and people of color so goddamn much we literally wrote an almost 1000 page manifesto on how we plan to systematically control them or strip them of their rights"

You guys literally handed the election to the "maybe we should inspect children's genitals because we have an irrational hatred of queer people" "Jewish space lazers" "transgender operations on illegal aliens in prison" "if you cant feed your child and need school lunches then CPS should be called on you" team because you thought Kamala didn't promise you everything on your checklist. Jesus Christ Americans are hopeless. I actually fucking hate it here.

[oldwritingm]

Hiiii

I was wondering if you could please make Jays head canons, or Jays story's?

Sure thing! :D

Ninjago - Dating Jay Walker Headcanons

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight when he saw you, but he couldn’t deny how attractive you were

He didn’t really see you like that; not at first, anyway

You were helping them with a mission, and once it was over he figured you’d separate forever, and that’d be that

But by the time the mission was over, he found he couldn’t bear the thought of losing all contact with you

He’d come to like your personality even more than your looks, which was really saying something since he thought you were STUNNING

So, just as you were about to part, he suddenly took you by the hand

He reddened, stuttering, trying to get out his words

You just smiled, knowing what he meant before he could even get a coherent word out

You guys exchanged info, promising to meet again sometime

Later that same night, Jay contacted you, requesting a meet-up at his favorite sushi joint in Ninjago

You guys continued on like that, taking turns picking your meet-up spots

It takes a while for Jay to actually admit his feelings, but he’s painfully obvious

Honestly you’ll probably have to make the first move, unless you want to wait forever

But when you finally start actually dating, he is ECSTATIC

He is THE turbo-boyfriend: super romantic, always showing his love in huge displays, memorizing all the things you like (as if he hadn’t done that already…)

His love languages are: All Of Them. Think of literally anything romantic (poems, gifts, doing chores for you, caring for you when sick, etc, etc) and he’s done it at some point

You might legitimately have to tell him to tone it down

Especially with PDA; we’ve seen in the show that he sometimes struggles with boundaries

He’ll always want to hold your hand or stand super close, but he’ll back off if you ask

Once you outline your boundaries, though, he does his best to follow them

He’ll probably slip up once or twice when he gets excited, but he tries his hardest :(

He’s very excitable when it comes to you, but he’s also prone to channel that energy into anxiety

And jealousy, which leads to insecurity

He sometimes feels that he’s not good enough for you, with you being as amazing as you are

Don’t worry though, you can easily cheer him up by showing him literally any amount of affection

But an evening cuddling and whispering sweet nothings works best ;)

Cuddling is a must with Jay; he clings to you like a koala, and he complains that he can’t sleep without you

In fact, he insists that everything is way better when you’re there

It sometimes annoys the other ninjas

They’ll be doing something completely unrelated and he’ll just sigh and go “I wish Y/n was here”

And they’re just like: 😐

He could (and does) gush about you endlessly to others

Much to many people’s annoyance

With all this in mind, I’ll finish off by saying he’s the type to shower you with all the love in the world but then break down sobbing when you so much as smile at him

(Please smile at him)

Thank you so much for this request! And thanks for reading, take care sweet doves!!

(divider by saradika)

[veren-cos]

Bachelors (Sdv) x gn!Anorexic Reader

Tw for anorexia, mentions of purging, poor self image, and weight loss. If you struggle with an eating disorder please reach out for help. Things will be okay, and you can get through it.

Another note, this fic (even tho almost all of mine are) is gender neutral. There is this stereotype that only girls can have eating disorders, but this is not true. Anyone can get an eating disorder and everyone deserves comfort.

This is proofread / sensitivity read (Is that the word?)and requested by @vvnbxz (tysm!!!)

Sam

• If you told Sam you had anorexia he wouldn't know what the hell to do.

• Honestly if you opened up to him about anything to do with mental health he wouldn't know what to do.

• And it isn't that he doesn't try, it's just that he doesn't know. (He is just a clueless guy and that's okay/hj)

• But yeah, when you tell him he is just so worried. He noticed as a general statement you didn't eat a lot, but he thought you just had a low appetite.

• So he never thought too much of it, unless it was the days you didn't eat anything.

• On one of those days, he finally asked about it. When you told him you had anorexia, he just looked. So sad.

• "Babe I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't notice. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. But I will be now. What do you need?"

• If you need comfort, he is there the whole time. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "You are beautiful babe. How on earth did ever land someone like you?" (He is still a skater boy haha)

• If you need structure and legitimate help, he will be asking and researching. He asks Harvey how to help someone with Anorexia, and Google became his best friend. Though Google was a tad unreliable, you appreciated the effort.

• Overall, he just wants to be there for you, and will do his damned best to make sure you feel better.

Sebastian

• This is going to sound off topic but it's relevant I promise!!

• Sebastian is online a lot, okay? He almost definitely uses discord. At one point he was in a mental health server because he was really struggling and was just trying to find resources to help himself right?

• Well there was a channel in there about eating disorders, and while he didn't personally have one, he kinda just lurked in the server and read about everything.

• So Sebastian has a really large amount of knowledge in almost any mental health topic! And knows where to look for more info, and has heard personal storied. (Yay context is over with now onto the actual thing-)

• When you tell Sebastian you have anorexia, he is probably the calmest put of all of the Bachelors.

• He saw the signs, but recognized that it was still your business, and you were not in a desperate situation where he would have to step in. So he waited for you to tell him, while keeping an eye to make sure things didn't get any worse.

• Back to when you tell him though, he holds your hand and just pulls you into a hug. He offers to make food more often so you don't have to think about it.

• He tries to make sure it's lighter stuff, and doesn't overwhelm you with anything.

• He watches out for signs of it getting worse, and checks in with you often about how you are doing, and if there is anything more he can do to help.

• He understands that anorexia affects your entire life, but he knows that it is your life. He respects your boundaries, basically. He wants you to he in full control of your recovery, with him just helping you along the way.

• He encourages you to go to therapy. He sets you up with an tele-health therapist, and he gives you a bunch of online resources for when he isn't around.

• Overall, Sebastian is really sweet about it, and just tries to be helpful.

Alex

• He would unknowingly make things worse at first.

• When you get together for sure, but especially when you move in together. He definitely counts calories to make sure he is getting enough for whatever sport thing he is doing, and when he tried to encourage you to join it brings back some old habits.

• After a month or so of living together, Alex notices you've been loosing way too much weight. So he asks about it.

• He thought you were doing an extremely unhealthy diet, so when he did ask you about it he was not expecting this to be a long time issue.

• When you tell him that you have anorexia, he immediately apologizes for asking bluntly.

• "No, no. Alex it's fine. I should have told you."

• He takes a pause because he knows he has to be careful now. "..why didn't you?" It was so quiet.

• "I just couldn't Alex!" That came out louder than you meant it.

• "You are so perfect and really damn.. I dont even know you just.. I'm jealous of you. You have everything under control all the time. And I see how much effort you put into keeping it up that I didn't feel like I could stand next to you! I feel gross, food makes me feel gross. And I didn't want to burden you with this. Nothing in my life is going right right now. And this is the one thing I can make go right. But apparently I can't because I'm screwing this up too!"

• You pulled your hands to your face and broke down sobbing.

• Alex pulled you onto a hug. "Shhh, shhh" he strokes your hair. "Your going to be okay? I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was making you feel like that."

• You shot up. "No don't apologize! You aren't doing anything wrong, I'm the one who needs to get things together!"

• "But I should have been more considerate! I should have seen!"

• Both of you took a second to calm down.

• After a moment, Alex spoke again, "what can I do to help you?"

• And you didn't know. You didn't know anything.

• "Alex I don't know. I didn't even think this was going to come back again I don't even know how I dealt with it the first time."

• He let out a breath. "Okay. I'm not changing what I'm doing, because I know that will just make you feel guilty. But I won't talk about it okay? I'll move the scale outside somewhere else. And I'm going to check in with you every once in a while. Okay?"

• You nodded.

• "I don't know what I can do to help, but I will not be giving you more to overtime about. You are perfect just the way you are. You don't need to change, your body is perfect. Okay?"

• You nodded again. This time it was you pulling him into a hug.

• "Okay. Okay yeah we can do this. Thank you." The last words came so softly that you just hoped Alex heard.

• "Of course, anything for you."

Harvey

• Harvey had seen the signs well before you confirmed his suspicions.

• He noticed you leaving very shortly after dinner dates, how you avoided mirrors when getting ready.

• He had known you for a long time now and he could see that you had lost weight, and not at a normal rate.

• After you moved in together, things became blaringly obvious.

• One morning he woke up to the sound of you throwing up.

• That's when everything became real.

• He walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "My love? Can I come in?"

• "NO!" You coughed, "no, no I'm fine it's okay."

• "Dear we have to talk about this."

• "No we don't, I'm fine. I just wasn't feeling good."

• You went back and forth on this for a while, but eventually he just came in.

• "My love, we just moved in together. I am very serious about this relationship. This means we have to tell each other when things aren't okay. Okay?"

• You thought for a moment. "Harvey, you're a doctor. You are just going to go on a medical spiel if I talk to you. I already know what's wrong. I'm handling it."

• He sighed, "I don't mean to be blunt, but clearly you aren't. All you have is protein shakes in your fridge, you can't live off of those. And I'm assuming you do this every morning? You can't be drinking those and then throwing them up. It defeats the purpose of drinking in the first place."

• "But I have to! I have to do this Harvey. This is the one thing in my life I have control over I have to do this."

• "No, you don't! Dear, I can help you, you just have to let me! You have full control over your life. Let me be here for you"

• You sat there. Just thinking. Harvey had no idea how what he said would land. Would you get upset? Would you lash out? Cry?

• "Okay." You whispered

• He stared at you.

• "I said okay!" You were nearly shouting. "Help me! I know this isn't okay but I need help!"

• Oh thank yoba you listened. "Thank you. Now, please just listen to me. Please." He waited for a nod of recognition before continuing,

• "I'm making all the food from here on out. And I dont care what you say because you are not burdening anyone. You aren't going to look at any labels, I'll scratch them out if you need me too.

• "I'll make a meal chart for each week, and you don't have to eat all of it, but you need to eat something. Eating something is better than nothing, I don't care what it is."

• This was already making you nervous. It was all too much, but if nothing else you had to try for him.

• "Okay.. okay. Okay yeah... thank you."

• He gave you a big hug.

• "I'm here for you with this. You don't have to do this alone."

Shane

• Shane is not perfect by any means, we all know this.

• But one thing I will stand on is that, if y'all are dating, he will stand with you through any mental health crisis no problems.

• He probably wouldn't notice much of the mental signs, but would notice you loosing weight.

• He tried to ask you about it a few times, but you always brushed it off.

• He let it be until you literally fainted from lack of food intake.

• He rushed you to Harvey's and honestly just hoped you would finally open up to him about what was going on.

• Harvey had already known you had an eating disorder because it was in your file, so when you woke up, he strongly encouraged you to talk to Shane about it.

• Shane was chill enough to at least wait until you had gotten home to talk about it.

• ...

• "So what the hell was that?" He asked.

• "Shane, I'm sorr-"

• "No, don't be sorry that's not what I'm asking for. I'm asking what that was." He stared you down.

• "Shane.." You sighed. You had meant to tell him but everything you tried, something got in the way.

• "Shane, I have anorexia. I'm not going to make it into a big thing. I mean, I guess I already did because I literally fainted. But I want you to know that I am working on it."

• "And you didn't tell me, because.? Babe, we all have our issues we are going through. I want to be there for you but I can't be if you don't tell me."

• "It was hard, That's why. I know you don't care, but I care so much as to what others think of me. About what I think of me. I dont like the way I feel. The way I look. I just always compare myself to others and I don't like it. I'm not asking for help and I certainly don't want it but I think I might need it at this point."

• He sighed, and had both of you sit down. "Okay.. okay, thank you for telling me. Now that the hard part is over, here is the harder part. We are getting you into therapy. It might be uncomfortable. But it will help. I know it helps me. And I know I can't do anything personally, but talk to me if anything is going on. I'm here to listen, okay?"

• He doesn't tend to be one for random physicaly affection, but he pulls you into a tight hug.

• He really meant every word, so from then on you became more dependent on him like he was on you.

Elliott

• Elliott. Oh Elliott.

• He knew something was up right when you started going out.

• You never ate much, never drank much. It looked like you felt food and taking care of yourself was a burden.

• So once you got married and moved in together, he knew he had to confront you about it.

• "My love?" He knocked on the door to your room. You were in your pajamas getting ready for bed.

• "Yes?" You smiled softly at him.

• "We need to talk." Your face dropped. Elliott tended to have a way with words but he became far less eloquent under stress. "Not in a we need to talk, my dear. Apologies." He cleared his throat,

• "I've noticed your. Ehm. Unusual? Eating habits?" And your face dropped more.

• "Oh Ellio-"

• "Hold on." He reached for your hand, cupping it between his. "I'm not upset with you. There is no reason to be. But I think I know what is going on, and I just want you to know. I am here for you. Alright, love? You can talk to me, and I can help. Food can become a stressor for the best of us. So you don't have to talk to me now, but just know I'm here for when you need."

• You met his hands with the one left on the bed. "I'm not sure if what your thinking is entirely accurate? But I suppose I should clarify." You took a deep breath, "I have anorexia. I've been managing it, at least what I thought was, pretty well. I didn't think you would notice, but I guess it was something I should tell you. I just.. I just didn't have control over much in my life when I worked for Joja. So food was a thing I could control! I thought it helped. But it didn't."

• You continued, "When I moved here, things genuinely became better! I have full control over my life. How I run the farm. My time, my pace. But I became so dependent on my food patterns for regulation that it was just a habbit I couldn't give up. So now here we are!" You let out a dry laugh.

• Elliott wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, despite his general dramatics.

• He knew that it was hard for you, but from what you said, you were working so hard on your own to help yourself.

• He reassured you that he would be there if you needed it, and tried to make sure you were eating a good amount of food everyday. But life continued on as normal for you two, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

An* so this was a deep one, I personally do not have anorexia but a lot of this still resonated with me for other reasons. Please reach out to either a doctor, family member, or friend if you think you have an eating disorder. They are serious business.

Also. I tried to make it accurate to anorexia but my knowledge isn't all encompassing, so it might have slipped into general eating disorder territory. So if it doesn't line up perfectly, I'm sorry about that- I also tried to not make it stereotypical but there may be a varying amount of success with that. Please lmk!!

Less serious an* I really wrote so much for Harvey I was not expecting to be able to write this much- Harvey's might as well have been it's own little fic from how long it was.

Masterlist

[thezombieprostitute]

Dream Come True - Part 2

Summary: The “Garbage Men” are the guys in the mob who get the dirt on others and clean up after the higher ups. They have many different ways of gathering intel by running legitimate businesses. One such business is Jefferson/Jensen’s cyber cafe where you regularly go to work. You’ve actually become good friends with Jefferson’s daughter and Jensen’s niece. You even volunteered as their after-school tutor. One day, there’s a robbery attempt where you get hurt protecting the girls. This is how you are introduced to Curtis Everett, the guy in charge of the “Garbage Men”.

A/N: Reader is plus sized, femme. No other descriptors used.

Warnings: Shooting mentioned, not written. American healthcare system. Insecure reader. Bullying with an emphasis on fat shaming. Please let me know if I miss any!

Part 1 -- Part 3

Series Masterlist

It's only been a few days but you find yourself unable to follow the advice of the medical staff and get some rest. Your brain won't let you. You've got budgets to consider, a resume to update, and follow up appointments to schedule. Thankfully when Jake and Jefferson had brought the girls for a visit they made sure to bring your laptop.

Because you hated not knowing, you opted to spend your time researching to see about how much you might be getting from that back-pay promised by Curtis. Jefferson had assured you that Curtis did, in fact, have that kind of pull but "please don't dig too much into it." You got the impression not everything was on the up-and-up but you have bills to pay so you agreed.

On day four you got a notice of deposit from your bank. You took a look and your jaw dropped. That couldn't be right! You'd done the research. There's no way even an experienced, highly qualified tutor would ever be earning that much! There must've been a mistake! You immediately make a note to tell someone who knows Curtis.

Curtis and Mace were going through their weekly itineraries. Between the two of them nothing got lost. Mace would, occasionally, grumble about needing a vacation but the two of them were the only people who keep all the moving pieces in mind.

"At least we can check a few things off the list this week," Curtis grunted. "Hal's got the bugs planted in the Smith law building. Jake's confirmed they're working."

"Fowler confirmed McMann won't be a problem," Mace reported. "Apparently the guy's busy trying to hunt down the guy that ran away with his wife."

Curtis chuckled at that. "That was Nat, right?"

Mace smiled, "yeah. Nat called "dibs" and we didn't have a counterargument."

"McMann's gonna spend a long time searching," Curtis shakes his head. "Nat's the best at not being found when she doesn't want to be."

"And the Missus is definitely better off," Mace agreed. "Nat's setting her up for life."

"That reminds me," Curtis interjected. "How's the back-pay for Hero doing?"

Mace double checked a few things on his phone before replying, "it's been deposited into her account."

"Good. One more thing we can cross off the list."

"Not yet, actually," Mace hesitated. Curtis gave him a curious look. "Turns out, she's trying to get ahold of you to talk about the amount. Beck says she's adamant that it's too much."

"Huh," Curtis's eyebrows raised. "There's something you don't hear every day. I'll talk to Barber and got some legal-ese that'll explain without explaining."

Mace nods and the two continue their meeting, switching to ongoing tasks.

"Excuse me?" It's been a few days since the money hit your account and you've finally gotten a visit from Curtis.

They kept you at the hospital longer because your stress levels made it "irresponsible" for Dr. Beck to discharge you, lest you have a heart attack as soon as you get outside. At this point you're certain Dr. Beck wants to get as much money from your stay as he can. Everyone who visits, however, says otherwise.

"Hazard pay," Curtis patiently repeated. "That's why there's so much more money than you expected."

"You can't expect me to believe that!" You are indignant. "That's not how hazard pay works. I've done my research Mr. um, Mr." you pause because you realize you don't know his last name. You feel the pang of embarrassment because you've been saying you've done your research but you don't know something as simple as a last name! You push past it and continue, "I've done my research, sir!"

You open up your laptop and bring up all of your documents of notes, focusing in on the bibliography. "I've got data from reputed tutoring websites, the Department of Labor, Glassdoor, even the Bureau of Labor Statistics, and none of them support the amount I was given."

Curtis finds himself smiling. He's been talked back to plenty of times, but never like this. "You're cute," he blurts out.

Thinking he's making fun of you, you look away from him and try not to show too much hurt. Curtis assures, "I'm not saying that to belittle you. You really have put a lot of work into this."

You shake your head, "it's besides the point, sir. You've grossly overpaid me. I know you've overpaid me. Yet you are refusing to acknowledge this."

"That's partly because I'm not sure why it's such a big deal to you," he calmly states.

"Because I don't want to cheat you!"

"Are you saying there's a price limit for saving my nieces?"

"I mean, technically there is. Could probably use some actuarial tables used in life insurance policies to find it out." Curtis gives you a hard glare but you persist, "I'm not saying that your nieces aren't priceless. I'm saying that I don't want to take what isn't mine. This is a lot of money and I don't want you going hungry or something because you feel you owe me when you don't. I only did what any decent person would do!"

"It's been my experience that decent people are rarities," Curtis stated. "As such they, and by extension you, should be treated well and given plenty."

"That's another part of the problem," you sighed. "I have not been told anything specific but I've seen and heard enough to suspect that this money might not be... legitimate."

Curtis's jaw tensed up. He'd have to have a word with the J's about being more careful. "I assure you," he nearly growled, "that the money you received was honestly earned by us and then you. All tax forms have been taken care of. All employment paperwork is settled."

You meet his gaze, undeterred by the intensity in his eyes. You see no signs of trickery. Nothing in those icy blue eyes indicating he was hiding the truth from you. You nod your acceptance and he relaxes a bit.

"Now," he says in a much lighter tone, "was there anything else?"

"Um, just one," you replied. "You said that I'm officially employed? That you might have more work for me? Who am I employed by and what other work should I be ready for?"

"The official name of my company is Everett Enterprises," he explained. "That's the company title on your W-2. As for the "other work" that was implied, it's simply a notice that I may have other employees in need of a tutor. I know Hal has been looking at getting his GED."

"So all you would need from me is more tutoring?"

Curtis can hear the tremor in your voice. You're a good person who doesn't want to get mixed up in anything illegal and he's happy to accommodate that. "Yes," he asserts. "Though that may involve helping some of my people learn how to cite their sources like you did."

That gets a half smile from you and Curtis considers the conversation done. "Now please follow the doctor's orders and rest up," he pleads. As he turns to leave he says, "make sure to get your beauty sleep."

Because he's facing away he doesn't see your face fall at the comment.

Part 1 -- Part 3

Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would.

@dontbescaredtosingalong

@icefrozendeadlyqueen

@texmexdarling

@veltana

@winter-soldier-101

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged.

[physalian]

“Endings are the hardest!” / “No, beginnings are the worst!”

I’ve never had a problem figuring out the way I want my stories to end but starting them? Yeash, that’s so much pressure. Both carry the same weight for different reasons while you have writers in both camps with legitimate arguments. One may be harder than the other on a writer-by-writer basis, but they are equally daunting.

—

So. Beginnings:

You have sometimes as little as three sentences to hook readers, at most the first chapter. I don’t even give fanfic more than the opening line sometimes (mostly because fanfic takes opening en media res to wild new heights). I’ve been working on a system of “I have one sentence to give you the setting, the protagonist, and the hook that makes this book different, go” and while it might not be perfect, it’s a starting point.

For example! The opening sentence to ENNS is:

Beneath the snowdrift of the longest blizzard Elias has ever endured, the last vampire in the dungeons has finally succeeded in taking their own life.

As someone who struggles with beginnings, I have given you five pieces of information in 25 words:

The setting, that concerns long and repeat blizzards and snow

Protagonist’s name

Establishing the existence of vampires

Establishing that those vampires are kept in dungeons

Establishing that those presumed prisoners are in such bad conditions, that they’re restoring to suicide, something vampires don’t tend to do

I think I did a pretty good job.

So much of the burden of your book is given to so few words. You can’t make it cliché, but try too hard to be unique and you risk looking pretentious. You have to establish the setting, the narrator, the initial setup and inciting incident and convince readers to pick your book out of hundreds of thousands of other options. I hate beginnings.

Best advice among an avalanche of others? Write a placeholder and come back later if it’s too daunting and frustrating because there is no writing advice that is one size fits all.

It’s entirely dependent on your genre, your demographic, the age of your protagonist and how self-aware they are, the tone of your story, your own personal writing style.

“First sentences should include THIS!”

Yeah, okay, but what if I have a better idea? Beyond that your sentence should have a hook that sets your book up as something apart from its genre neighbors, just go look at the most famous opening lines. They’re all different.

There is nothing in common between

Call me Ishmael.

and

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.

And that’s the point.

—

Endings though?

Endings bear the burden of providing catharsis, or robbing you of it. Endings have to answer ‘but what does it all mean?’ and stick the landing, or they don’t. Endings can turn a TV show that took the world by storm for four magnificent seasons and drag it limping across the finish line in a finale that sucks the life out of the fandom forever.

Endings either leave you in an existential lurch staring at the ceiling, or in tears of joy or anguish, or frothing at the mouth at yet another cliffhanger. If you can’t answer ‘what does it all mean’ you have bigger problems than just your final lines.

People don’t have fan theories about your first page, they have fan theories about what comes after your last page. There are no rules to writing an ending and sometimes by its nature of being unfulfilling you become infamous.

Example: The ending of Mark of Athena, that prompted this dedication in its sequel House of Hades.

“We’re staying together,” he promised. “You’re not getting away from me. Never again.” Only then did she understand what would happen. A one-way trip. A very hard fall. “As long as we’re together,” she said. She heard Nico and Hazel still screaming for help. She saw the sunlight far, far above—maybe the last sunlight she would ever see. Then Percy let go of his tiny ledge, and together, holding hands, he and Annabeth fell into the endless darkness.

(one short Leo POV later)

Nemesis wanted him to wreak vengeance on Gaea? Leo would be happy to oblige. He was going to make Gaea sorry she had ever messed with Leo Valdez. “Yeah.” He took one last look at the cityscape of Rome, turning bloodred in the sunset. “Festus, raise the sails. We’ve got some friends to save.”

If you weren’t in this fandom when this book came out and ended with the protagonist falling into Greek Super Hell, to wait a whole year to find out what happens next—We lost our collective minds.

And then the next book opened like this:

Gettin’ a bit big for your britches there, ey, Riordan?

How you write your ending should reflect the kind of feeling you want to leave your reader with. In this case, it was anguish and despair and the pinnacle of “always leave them wanting more”. Maybe you’ve written a character who’s suffered constant setbacks to reaching their goal, and the final line is them at peace with, or without achieving it. Or it’s the final plot twist/reveal no one saw coming. Or it’s ambiguous, leaving it up to reader interpretation.

My favorite classical book ending comes from The Great Gatsby and while I had to crack open my copies of the PJO books, I know this line by heart:

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

There’s just something so melancholy and tragic about it, as it should be: Gatsby is not a happy story. That line is the answer to the thesis, that trying to live in the past and not embrace the future, not allowing yourself to move on, can only end in tragedy, and yet, so many of us do exactly that.

The image of a dinky little rowboat is always what I’ve pictured, as opposed to a ship or something more formidable. A rowboat bobbing around the thrashing waves, pitted against a force of nature it can’t ever hope to overcome, yet it endures.

The book opens on an equally melancholy note, “In my younger years…” as the protagonist reflects back on their life gone by. It’s an American classic for a reason.

Even if your final line is unspectacular, the line isn’t as important as how the narrator feels about the book being over. Quotable hashtags are great, but if the ending doesn’t feel like a proper fit, you’re going to leave readers disappointed.

—

Endings are so fricken fun though, no matter what’s at stake. It’s as cathartic for me to finish as I hope it is for the reader to read. There’s plenty of advice out there on the perfect opener or the perfect closer, the endless arguments over which is harder, and it’s all up to you in the end. They just come easy to me, I have no advice. I can picture them well before I get to the final pages and they just click into place. Beginnings, though? Ugh.

—

Thank you for 300 Followers!!!

[lesvegas]

FNV Quest Mods That Don't Suck

I know I've made modlists before but talk of DLC-sized mods made me want to make another. Big, DLC-sized quest mods are nine times outta ten messy, poorly-made and poorly-written, feel like they should've been fo3 mods, or have numerous other qualities that are detestable to normal people with taste. I've played most of the popular ones and hate nearly all of them. Here are the ones I actually can recommend.

Note: I also highly recommend having a proper modding setup before installing any of these. Everyone and their mother has already recommended the Viva New Vegas guide before because it works and it's beginner-friendly.

Allow me to spare your dash by putting this list under a cut.

"DLC-sized" Quest Mods

Boom to the Moon - A quest where you go to the moon (yes, really) to find out what happened to a man's wife. I promise it's way better than I could possibly describe. Honestly I recommend almost all of Jokerine's mods for her attention to detail and all the cool shit she makes. This quest mod doesn't even end with the moon trip, you'll also get the best-written mod companion I've ever seen. Seriously please give this one a try if nothing else on this list.

Autumn Leaves - A murder mystery in an archival library vault inhabited by Protectrons. Story so good Bethesda stole it to make a fo4 DLC. No combat, no need for weapons or companions. WARNING: if you suck at navigating vaults like I do you may have a bad time finding stuff (there's a walkthrough in the files). Also some of the lines are a bit odd because the author's first language isn't English. Also one character is a bigot in every way possible because he's intentionally designed to be as punchable as possible. Despite all of this it's still easily one of the best quest mods I've ever experienced.

Unfortunately, making quest mods DLC-sized in general leaves ample opportunity for shit to get messy fast, so honestly your best bet for quest mods is smaller scale, vanilla-feeling mods. So while I highly recommend the above mods, I'd recommend the following ones even more for a more seamless experience.

"Vanilla-feeling" Quest Mods

The Collector - A quest given by a broker in which you collect debts from gamblers. Similar to the Atomic Wrangler quest Debt Collector.

Caravan Tournament - Do you suck at Caravan? Skill issue. Play this anyway and tell me how it feels to lose because I'm sure it's just as interesting as winning but I'm too good at Caravan to to see it for myself. If you get good you get to see a tiny Robobrain wearing a hat.

Working On The Chain Gang - A Powder Ganger Quest Mod - Okay, technically this makes a second faction of Powder Gangers that aren't affected by your reputation with the vanilla Powder Gangers (so yes, even if they hate you, you can experience this mod). These new Powder Gangers reorganize themselves into a legitimate faction that blends seamlessly into the Mojave NPC ecosystem.

The Moon Comes Over the Tower - This one is technically cut content, but that just means it's peak vanilla-feel. Restores the rest of the quest where Emily Ortal asks you to bug Mr. House's network in which you actually have to travel to places to do it.

Okay, these ones are silly, but trust me

Among Us But It's Fallout - It's a vault with a murder mystery you get to solve! Memes aside it's honestly really well done and you should try it.

The Hollander Hotel and Casino - For a quest involving a haunted hotel (no jumpscares, don't worry), this one feels a little goofy at times, especially with The Shining references and the guy outside selling nothing but 500 bottles of Sunset Sarsaparilla. But you should give it a try anyway.

Legion Quests

Haven't done a Legion run not because you don't like being a bad guy, but because the Legion route feels lacking? Try some of these.

Legion Quests Expanded - Adds more Legion quests and expands several vanilla quests.

A Golden Opportunity - Legion El Dorado Quest - A quest where the Legion goes in and shuts down the NCR's El Dorado station.

Five Card Ante - A Legion Quest Mod - A quest parallel to Three Card Bounty in which you get to eliminate the NCR's First Recon.

Yes I Would Actually - A Legion Quest Mod - You know how Bitter Springs has three quests you can do for the NCR? Well, now you can do them for the Legion instead. You can even recruit help from the Great Khans to fuck the NCR's shit up.

[leconcombrerit]

Phee is lying

I mentioned a theory of mine a few times (or is it hopeful thinking ?) and I decided I could share the big outline. I don't feel very legitimate making this post given that I'm one episode and a half behind, but then again I'm pretty sure I'd earn my clown costume either way.

Phee and Non's relationship : a carefully rushed framing

The cute montage at the beginning of episode 6 never sat well with me. DFF knows how to take its time ; how to develop characters, hint at dynamics without having to spell it out. And suddenly one of the most important relationships in the series is summed up in a five minutes montage ? Are you kidding me ? After that we get one scene (the bracelet one by the river) before their relationship starts to crumble upon the weight pressuring Non.

In other words, we get nothing. Most of my attachment for this couple stemmed from a) boundless joy at finally seeing someone, anyone on Non's side and b) Ta and Barcode eating ever single one of their scenes. Aside from this cute beginning, it's just Phee trying to help Non and Non not being mentally nor emotionally available for anything.

They could have done better. They could have shown us more. But they didn't. I know a common conception is that a montage with the occasional slo-mo fits the "first and naïve love" theme buuuuut I don't like it because I don't like it, sue me.

Let's see what they did show us first ; when you give so little, there's no room for triviality. And then I have just a few details I picked up on (or excavated and extrapolized like a mad scientist) that come feed my "Phee is a lying liar that lies" theory. But first, here goes a montage breakdown.

One : first in person meeting

There are several interesting points here. Phee is standing and bending to Non's level, Non is acting cute and waving his hand like a child would ; the groundwork of their relationship is laid down. Phee is the one taking care of Non. But what I found truly noteworthy is this :

"Do you wanna meet up ?"

Phee is taken aback by Non's suggestion. He clearly didn't expect him to do that. Except you don't have expectations for strangers or vague acquaintances. By that point, Phee and Non have been messaging for long enough for Phee to know Non quite well and for the both of them to smile like idiots upon meeting. How long exactly ? Nobody knows.

Two : perfect date and the start of a series of promises

Three or four shots of a traditional, happy date, what more could we ask for. Genuinely. Sad Non, abused Non, crying Non is brought back to a softer world. He earned this level of cliché and happiness. There's also the pinky finger promise ; that's what interests me the most, not as a singular instance but as the start of a pattern. Promises are a running theme in Phee and Non's relationship. As willing as Phee is to take oaths, he's quick to fail them -hell, just one episode prior he wasn't here for Non and it resulted in a suicide attempt. The situation with Keng isn't Phee's first failure.

Three : Non's home

Here Non is letting Phee in his home, his room -his life. And he does so with glee. We've seen beforehow Non tends to keepto himself. Jin has to try a lot and try hard to get him to open up a bit, so whatever happens here is meaningful.

Phee taking his manga from Non could be read as them not sharing common interests (unlike Jin, my imaginary public argues with a nod). I personally saw it as them being comfortable enough to do their own thing while sharing space, until Phee got bored. Or horny. Or both. No sex scenes are shown, which has to be intentional. Phee gets a graphic sex scene with Jin, Non gets a graphic sex scene with Keng -but none for Pheenon. There's enough suggestion that the audience will get the idea, and I haven't pinpointed what lies behind that choice, but it's definitely there. They go back and forth between tooth-rottingly cute and buying a house in the bone-zone.

Four : being each other's whole world

They're both giddy and running to find each other. Their families don't understand because they haven't told ; it's their own little world (and in Non's case probably his only happy place with no worries).

Five : the kiss scenes

The sensual aura that built up in all previous scenes reaches its peak here. Once again nothing is shown in terms of sex, yet you can feel the physical attraction just as well. I might be getting off the rails by saying that while they're honest, they also virtually keep things private. They show us the truth, but an amputated, rushed one.

Just like I suppose Phee gives Jin an amputated and rushed version of what happened.

Six : The river

Ah, yes, the river scene. I won't be talking about the longer one with the bracelet yet cause it's separate from the little glimpses we got so far (it has dialogue, for one). But this ? This is gold to my brain.

An apple. Not only are they both biting it, but Non's eyes are open and staring right at Phee, while Phee's are closed. Non is holding it too. Now I know the apple symbolism is a Chrisitian one and we're in Thailand, but that little detail struck me as odd when Phee and "Tan" were introduced :

We're entering full clown territory cause the cross was probably hung there like the curtains are probably just goddamn blue, but I added a badly drawn plan of how our brains read images, starting from top left corner (where the cross is) to skim over the middle in a downward axis to the bottom left (Fluke, Jin, the more innocent ones actually I just realized) and then to the bottom right. The cross is what we see first.

And then, wouldn't you know, our lovely apple comes back as New and Phee are discussing the boys -and where New is out to get them, Phee is already giving even Por the benefit of doubt. He's also keeping his left hand behind his back. I'll get back to Phee's left hand, but the apple comes first.

If the cross is any indication, and that we get two apples, then the first one that's set in the past, a flashback in a flashback, could be the Old Testament version, a fall from heaven ; and the second one that Phee is eating by himself, not blindly this time, could be the New Testament version as redemption from the original sin. Not to mention the greenery around them, almost like a garden.

"But then doesn't it mean that Phee, after falling for Non, starts to get redemption for failing him by saving the boys from New ?"

You know what, MAYHAPS. It could work, I guess. But same as the manga reading scene, it could go many ways. I personally think the redemption he longs for is redemption for having let Non down so badly. Besides, I don't think New is ready to kill people yet in that scene. He's just trying to gather evidence for now, and Phee knows it. So why defend those boys ? Jin I could understand, but Por ? And protect them from what, exactly ? Getting justice served and truth exposed for something they actually did ? If they're innocent, what's the rush in getting New to let go ?

Why wouldn't Phee be trying to keep New safe ?

Look it's not that far-fetched I swear. First I'm going with the fact that Phee knows Non is alive and got in contact with him somehow. One because I stand by my words, this is a face that calls for murder.

And two, the ring tattoo. I don't think it's a continuity error. And he just so happens to keep his arm hidden behind his back when trying to stir New into giving up on his search. As a sign he's actually carrying on Non's wish ? I'd love that.

Then someone in the group has to be in contact with the masked man, the ninth person, or else they wouldn't have known when to expect the group. Unless they literally live in those woods, which is also possible.

There's also a long post I'd started about how the show always plays by the rules, not even trying to be surprising in the decision it takes (A guy dying early on in a slasher, Phee being Non's boyfriend, Tan being New, both of them being part of the scheme) but pulling the rug off under our feet in the execution (no one else of importane having died after Por, quiet Tan being the one to murder people while decisive Phee is crying about, etc). Which gives me the feeling that it will be the same here and that Phee is much more of a mastermind than he's been whining on to Jin.

Speaking of Jin, it would also explain why Phee has been investigating him specifically. They might have been trying to determine if he'd done anything, had leaked the video or not. When push came to shove, Phee played the honesty card to get him to confess. And. He. Did.

Not to say Phee doesn't have genuine feelings for Jin, and that it doesn't make him feel torn and confused. But the fact that they banged right after Jin reminded him of Non more strongly also isn't something I'd ignore.

Anyway, I'm getting tired, short version :

Tl;dr :

I think Phee and Non's relationship was actually much stronger than we've been shown, that Phee knows Non is alive because he's the only person Non would have contacted and works with him. He was tasked with keeping New away from all this because Non doesn't want him to get hurt, but also doesn't trust him enough to tell him anything (remember that New was defined by his absence prior to Non's disappearance, only there to serve as a hurtful point of comparison, and that he wasn't close at all to Non to begin with, regardless of how much he regrets now ; I don't think Non factored New would go that far for him in his plan). The revenge plot is already underway for Non, and Phee is trying to keep things going the way they should.

Here it is. It was itching my brain and I slept very badly because of it, but I AM NOW FREE.

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Hey can I request some fluff with moster trio + sabo and ace where they are just practicing their moves with s/o (female!reader) and they accidentally hit her and she starts crying, it can be in a cute way since I was in a mood for some funny cute stuff hehe

Thank youuuuuu ^^ ♡

So I'm not sure if it's terribly funny, but I think it's cute! and fluffy! Also, sooo many tags! Oh! As a note, Oda said what animals the straw hat's would be, one of Sanji's was a duck, I used this in his.

Warnings: accidental violence, one piece boys beating them selves up, hurt/comfort, mild WCI spoilers

Word Count: 1985

     All he’d wanted to do was show off a little, show you what he’d been working on. You may already be dating, but he loved to impress you, to hear you congratulate him and tell him how amazing he was. He loved your praise, loved it when you told him that he was ‘the best in the world’. Then he’d pull you close and hold you. Sometimes for just a short while, sometimes for over an hour. Sometimes he’d fall asleep for a nap with you, sometimes he’d take you with him to go do the next thing. But now you were sitting on the ground crying, holding your injury from where his hit had connected a little too hard. The two of you had trained together before, had sparred with each other before, but he’d always pulled his punches, always been careful about hitting you, giving you what amounted to light love taps rather than full hits. The most he ever did was light bruising, maybe a little soreness, but now you were legitimately hurt. Immediately you were in his arms as he ran to the infirmary with you, his eyes panicked and worried as he set you down. How could he have done this to you? How could he have been so reckless and stupid?!

Luffy

     Luffy rarely, if ever, looked so defeated, so downcast. You couldn’t think of a single time where he’d looked so… disheartened. Chopper quickly inspected your nose, sighing as he stopped the bleeding. Miraculously, it wasn’t broken or fractured, but it would hurt for days, it might start bleeding a little as it healed, but it wasn’t broken. Probably a result of Luffy still pulling his punches. Even if he hadn’t been more careful, even though he’d hit you, it hadn’t been full strength, it hadn’t been as hard as it could have been. Even still, he couldn’t stop beating himself up, silently promising never to train or spar with you again. He couldn’t risk hurting you again. Looking up at you, his eyes watered.

     “I’m… I’m sorry Y/n, I didn’t mean to, please, please don’t hate me. I’m sorry. I love you, I promise.” Luffy whimpered once you were both out of the infirmary. You smiled lightly as you caressed his cheek, giving him a soft peck on the lips.

     “I could never hate you, Luffy. You’re my world, I love you so much. So long as you still want me, I’ll still be your pirate queen.” you said, making the boy smile, his arms wrapping around you as he pulled you close, holding you tightly. He still felt awful about hurting you, but he was so glad you still loved him.

Zoro

     Looking at your cut arm in horror, his sword fell out of his mouth before he was dropping the other two and rushing you to Chopper. He’d never actually cut you before! He’d even covered his blades so that he wouldn’t hurt you! But apparently, it hadn’t helped as he leaned against the wall outside the infirmary. He couldn’t look at you, couldn’t watch Chopper tend to your wound. How could he when he’d been the one to cause it? When he’d hurt you like that. He swore he could hear Mihawk in the back of his mind, berating him for hurting you. He should have used practice swords, he should have controlled himself better, he should have been more careful. The worlds greatest swordsman? The world’s greatest swordsman wouldn’t have hurt the love of his life! He couldn’t look at you as you stepped out of the infirmary, your arm wrapped in bandages. You’d needed a few stitches, but nothing serious, or at least, nothing you were concerned about. Facing the green haired man, you put your hands on either side of his face, making him look at you.

     “You’re going to be the worlds best swordsman before you know it. You’re already so strong even when you’re holding back. I can’t wait for your rematch with Mihawk, this time, you’ll be the one with a tiny knife while he struggles against you.” you said with a small giggle before kissing his cheek. He looked at you, completely speechless. You… were okay? You weren’t mad? All he could do was nod, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close. He felt so, so lucky to have someone as amazing as you, someone as forgiving as you.

Sanji

     This was why he didn’t fight women! This is why he insisted on not fighting you, especially! But after so much begging and pleading, he’d agreed. Then he’d continued, you told him to spar with you so that way he could fight women in the future, so he wouldn’t be helpless against them. Now he sat in the kitchen, head in his hands, his entire body shaking as tears ran down his cheeks. He’d be chain smoking his cigarettes if his hands hadn’t been shaking too much to even hold one, let alone light it and smoke it. He could still see it in his mind, replaying over and over again. Watching you double over in pain, arms wrapped around your middle where his foot had connected with your stomach. What kind of horrible person was he? What kind of monster hurt the people they loved? Was he… was he as bad as his brothers? Was he a monster like them? He heard your footsteps enter the kitchen, tears starting to fall faster as you stopped in front of him. 

     “Sanji? My darling love, my sun and stars, my sweet starfruit, please look at me.” your soft voice pleaded, the blond slowly, reluctantly lifting his head to look at you. You looked so sad as you began to wipe away his tears, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his palms, and finally his lips, “It’s alright, mon gentil canard, it’s just some bruising, Chopper said I’ll be fine.” you said, making him tremble more as he quickly pulled you into a hug, burying his face in your stomach as he sobbed. He’d hurt you, yet you still called him yours, he’d legitimately hit you, yet you held him and kissed him. He didn’t deserve you, didn’t deserve such a forgiving angel, but if you saw fit to forgive him, he’d gladly take it.

Sabo

     How could he have done this? He had better control than this! He was better than this! Running his hand through his blond locks, he tilted his head back, resting it against the wall he was leaning against. He felt so stupid right now. It seemed like an eternity before you exited the infirmary, your wrist bound in a cast. It had been broken, he’d broken it. He felt even worse. He looked at you, regret etched into his features, surprised when you smiled at him.

     “I suppose you weren’t bragging when you said your fingers could crush skulls like eggs. Then again, I expect no less from the RA’s second in command.” you said with a small laugh. Sabo was absolutely speechless. You… you were laughing? You were complimenting him? You weren’t mad?! His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to find the words before he pulled you into a tight hug.

     “Never again! You and I are never sparring together again!” he said sternly as he held you, burying his head in your hair. You sighed and wrapped your arms around him, knowing how stubborn he could be. Still, you had one way of making it work.     “But how am I going to become better if I don’t have you to help me? You’re the only one strong, smart, and amazing enough to help me get better. The others would just beat me into the dirt without actually teaching me anything.” you said with a fake huff as you wrapped your arms around him. Sabo froze. The others… they wouldn’t hold back like he did, you were right, they’d beat you with ease, wouldn’t hold back, and you wouldn’t learn a thing. Even if he told them what to do, they still wouldn’t know what to do like he did. With a small sigh, he nodded, his arms tightening around you slightly, holding you as if you’d disappear.

     “Alright… I’ll keep helping you… but you have to do something for me in return.” he said, hoping to reach a compromise of sorts.

     “Of course, anything.” you said, smiling as he agreed.

     “Let me take care of you until your wrist is better.” he asked, making you giggle.

     “Alright, just don’t go overboard. My wrist is broken, I’m not missing an arm.” you said, enjoying his embrace.

Ace

     What had he done? How could he have hurt you like this? Was he a demon like people said? The son of Roger, a demon child. Surely it was a title that fit what he’d done to you! He sat in his room on the floor, holding his head as he tried not to cry. He’d hurt you! He was so stupid! All the horrible thoughts that you normally pushed down came flooding back as he berated himself over and over again, only stopping when he felt something press against his head. Looking up, he saw your beautiful, smiling face.

     “Why are you in here, my sweet strawberry? Why didn’t you stay in the infirmary with me? Marco patched me up no problem, but how can I feel better if the love of my life isn’t by my side?” you asked, giving him a small, cute pout as you sat down in front of him, your legs pulled close to your chest as you gave him your sad puppy dog eyes. Immediately, his arms were wrapping around you, pulling you close, his entire body trembling as he clung to you as if you were his only lifeline. His apologies were muffled in your shoulder, but you could still hear them, still understand what he was saying.

     “Hey now, Strawberry, none of that. Why are you apologizing for showing me how good you’ve gotten? We were practicing so you could show me your new moves! You’re as amazing and strong and stunning as ever!” you said, holding him close, moving his head from your shoulder to your chest, allowing him to bury his head in your chest, the steady sound of your heartbeat soothing him. You always knew how to make him feel better, no matter what happened.

     “I… I hurt you though.” he muttered as his sobs calmed down, still holding you.

     “That’s why we have a phoenix on board, my sweet flame. Can’t be hurt if my injuries don’t exist.” you said, your smile widening. Looking at you, he tried to find any evidence of his hit, finding nothing. Your face was still as beautiful as always, still made his heart melt from the love in your eyes. 

     “I just… please… please let me make it up to you.” he begged, his eyes desperately pleading with you. With a sigh, you nodded, knowing how he’d find a way to make it up to you anyway.

     “Just don’t go overboard. It was so minor, Marco would have turned me away if he hadn’t been bored out of his mind.” you said, making the man chuckle.

     “Fine, I won’t go overboard. But I want to treat you to something nice. Let me take you out to dinner? We can take a ride on my striker, go out for a bit, then stare at the stars together.” he suggested, making you smile and nod.

     “I’d like that a lot, my lovely wildfire.” you said, giving him a soft kiss on the forehead before pulling him into a gentle kiss. The two of you stayed snuggled up like that, the devil fruit user eventually falling sleep on your chest like he often did, slumbering away peacefully like he so often did.

[moonlitlex]

i have so much to say abt chalice of the gods so im just gonna copy paste my review from goodreads here. you can also read it on goodreads

ok. i promised i would hate this book. and i do. i hate this book. i also hate rick riordan. in addition, i hate capitalism. i promise that’s relevant.

let’s talk about the book now. i’ll cover the things i love first. i love percy jackson. i love grover. i love annabeth. i love sally. i love paul. i love percy annabeth and grover together. all of these things are very obvious and self-explanatory. percy is hands down THE main character of all time. i have nothing bad to say about him. his literal fatal flaw is loyalty. he’s actually perfect and has no flaws. this is expected from the son of sally jackson, the perfect person. paul is sweet and kind to sally and that’s really all that matters. annabeth is awesome and supportive and so is grover and they’re all besties forever. you get it. you’ve read percy jackson.

the jokes are better than before. there are definitely some legitimately funny jokes in this book, which i was really missing from the last few rick riordan installments. and i don’t think this is because rick suddenly got funnier. i think it’s because this style of joke works for percy. of all of rick’s protagonists, percy seems the most natural fit for these jokes.

sally is great. grover and annabeth are generally on form. so is percy, as much as can be expected from rick riordan at this point. i will elaborate on this later.

now to complain. this is the stupidest premise i’ve ever heard of. percy is a high school senior. he is going to go to new rome university. he needs 3 divine recommendations. this is already a stupid premise but don’t worry, it gets worse. poseidon reveals that the reason percy needs these recommendations is that it’s a special requirement for him specifically made by zeus. and the reason he gets to have this stupid requirement is that he’s a child of the big three and shouldn’t exist.

hello. zeus. yes, lord zeus, it’s me. alexis.

what the absolute FUCK are you saying.

this doesn’t MAKE SENSE. the only reason percy shouldn’t have existed was that the gods had a stupid pact to not have any kids because of a stupid prophecy. two things here. one - that prophecy is OVER. everything turned out fine. thanks to percy jackson. you’re welcome, gods of olympus. two - percy has literally saved olympus TWICE now. two times. this is genuinely such a dumb and made up reason to send percy on a quest that i can’t even turn my brain off and enjoy it. it’s not fun. leave percy alone. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

it’s literally insane how stupid this setup is. rick keeps writing books about how the gods are horrible and take advantage of the demigods and the demigods live terrible lives. in this book, percy has LITERALLY saved olympus TWICE and motherfucking zeus (literally) had to be talked down from making him get 25 letters of recommendation to 3. this is AFTER percy spent 3 years in pjo almost being killed and got his memory wiped for 6-8 months depending on which book you read in hoo and then got sent on a quest to save the entire world AGAIN. this CHILD got like a 2-4 month break (depending on which book you’re reading) and he woke up with no fucking memory and had to spend like 2 more months fighting monsters and the literal primordial earth goddess. and now he has to go on literally pointless quests that someone who didn’t just get back home from saving the actual world could ALSO just do. because he needs to get some fucking letters of recommendation.

look. genuinely. percy jackson should snap at this point in the story. this boy should’ve snapped like at least 5 books ago. at minimum. rick wrote the perfect setup to show us percy’s instant descent into madness. he should LOSE it. all the gods have done for the ENTIRE time he’s known he’s a demigod is treat demigods like disposable tools. this is the point in the story where percy goes. wow. luke was right. you guys are all assholes who don’t care about us even a little bit. i am NOT saying what needs to follow is a fanfic-esque dark!percy story where he successfully destroys olympus or something. what i AM saying. is at bare minimum this is where percy goes you know what fuck you i hate you guys and washes his hands of being a demigod at least temporarily. at the very least he should sit back and think yeah, i don’t really want to go to new rome university. it’s not worth it. i will just go to a different university. look. it’s percy jackson. he can literally one shot all but the most fearsome monsters (typhon, the giants, a drakon, etc). he is literally going to be 100% completely fine going to mortal university AND he wont have to deal with zeus’s annoying ass.

listen. MY percy jackson wanted to kill smelly gabe as a 12 year old because he abused his mother. MY percy jackson doesn’t like bullies. MY percy jackson challenged ares to a fight just on the basis that ares was a fucking asshole.

MY percy jackson is not going on useless fucking quests to go to new rome university of all places.

which reminds me. why DOES he want to go to new rome university. this is percy jackson. he LOVES new york. why is percy “what did they do to my city” jackson going to university ACROSS THE COUNTRY from the city he loves. why is he doing that. and hey look. sally and paul (and soon estelle) are ALSO going to be in new york. so like WHY is he leaving for real. percy my fatal flaw is loyalty jackson. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE OK! it’s percy he is seriously not going to have issues with common monsters attacking him. we literally saw him fight off titans and giants a fucking hellhound isn’t gonna get his ass. WHY is he leaving. it does NOT make sense.

there’s this scene ok. where sally tells them she’s pregnant. and percy’s like oh my god…. i’m going to be in california…. and my sister is going to be here…. and i was just sitting there going. yeah bro. why are you going to california. i literally do not understand. you literally are from nyc. you live here. your family is here. your friends from chb are like a short pegasus ride away. there are like 50 universities in new york. just go here. why are you leaving. you are percy jackson. being a new yorker is literally one of your defining traits. stay here. WHY AR EYOU LEAVING I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PERSEUS

and listen. if your argument is that annabeth is going to be in nru. why the FUCK is ANNABETH going to nru!!!!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT!!!! EXPLAIN IT!!!! percy LITERALLY says annabeth is such an overachiever she’s already run out of ap classes to take. he literally says that. why the fuck is this girl going to nru where let’s be real her admission is guaranteed. annabeth is 100% someone who would want to go to an ivy. and would you fucking believe it there’s an ivy right here in nyc. like let’s be fucking realistic here. annabeth started her architecture career at SIXTEEN designing the city the fucking GODS live in. so like. don’t you think she’d want to be a bit more challenged. don’t you think she’d want to go to a university that is actually recognizable to mortals. annabeth did NOT love new rome that much like did richard forget what he wrote. this girl was freaking out about new rome until percy said he only likes it because they could live together there. she literally does not care about new rome and she is WAY too ambitious and academically inclined to be happy with going to some small as uni 99% of employers have never heard of.

this isn’t even the worst character assassination in the book. that award goes to the way rick wrote percy. percy. my darling percy. my beloved percy. perseus jackson. light of my life. as i said before, he is MOSTLY on form. the him really wanting to cali thing is definitely ooc for him but it is NOTHING compared to the sheer amount of times rick portrays percy as stupid in this accursed novel. his internal monologue is constantly shit like i’m always so behind annabeth and omg i’m being so dumb right now and annabeth calls me seaweed brain because i’m an idiot and blah blah fucking blah.

dick riordan has forgotten that perseus jackson is, in fact, not stupid at all. he is INCREDIBLY clever. he is just not particularly academically inclined/not very book smart and it would also be perfectly understandable given the fucking books that riordan wrote to interpret that as percy being very discouraged from engaging with his studies. he genuinely enjoys chiron’s class at yancy because chiron is an engaging teacher and encourages him. he spends 90% of his time in pjo deducing what’s going on with extremely limited information because rick decided none of the characters can tell him anything because of plot and exposition reasons. in son of neptune he literally just coasts on having sherlockian (not bbc that’s a whole other angry review) powers of deduction. to the point where the characters around him are amazed at how he’s figuring stuff out. literally in house of hades annabeth’s pov’s are constantly her commenting on how she gives percy shit for being a dumbass but he’s actually really clever.

it genuinely feels like at some point during the writing of mark of athena rick decided to just slowly start making various fanon ideas canon. percy being stupid is very commonly accepted fanon because he doesn’t realize how smart he is (and fans don’t realize he’s an unreliable narrator) and the fans also love to infantilize characters with more in your face adhd (leo is another victim of this phenomenon). we’ve spent 5 books in percy’s head and he doesn’t think he’s particularly clever so it makes sense to ignore the mountains of evidence pointing towards his quick and creative thought process in favour of haha percy is dumb jokes.

the wild thing is, percy isn’t even that hard on himself in pjo. he obviously doesn’t see himself in the same way we later come to find out other people see him (mainly thinking about hazel and frank in son of neptune, which is the only time in hoo he genuinely feels like the same character as pjo percy) but he’s not really dealing with crazy self doubt and self esteem issues. he does have his down on himself moments but they’re all extremely understandable given the context because he literally faces impossible odds in every single pjo book. at one point he’s disappointed he couldn’t tell that ares and luke manipulated him… like yes bestie that’s a very valid thing to feel upset and betrayed about. it doesn’t mean that he’s actually stupid though and genuinely he comes across more as humble and not realizing just how awesome and cool and interesting he is than anything else. percy consistently shows that he is really clever. half of pjo is percy figuring out a new and interesting way of defeating his enemies and the other half is percy figuring out how to bait his enemies into a duel to improve his odds. it’s horrible what rick does to percy in his internal monologue.

it’s to an insane degree. yes i realize i have already written 500 words about percy not being stupid alone but i must stress how egregious this is. it’s literally characters who have previously acknowledged percy’s intelligence who start remarking about how he’s stupid. in house of hades percy and annabeth get out of fucking TARTARUS and reyna makes a jab about how percy wouldn’t be able to find his way out of a paper bag without annabeth. that is an INSANE thing to say for reyna and for rick. rick has not written a stupid character so it’s weird to make that something a character does without really trying to show them being wrong. from reyna’s perspective, this is a guy she was complimenting a few short weeks ago. this is a guy she immediately wanted to make a leader at the camp that she loves and is her home. this is guy she barely knows and she pretty much immediately proposes to him. WHY would she suddenly start making jokes about how dumb he is? it’s not like she actually knows him better now. he came to the battle with reinforcements and basically immediately dipped after the feast. how are we to accept reyna treating our beloved perseus in this horrific manner? we simply cannot. it is unnacceptable. this is inaccurate.

it’s so WRONG to do this to percy. yES I UNDERSTAND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR TOO LONG. I DON’T CARE. PERCY JACKSON IS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE AND I NEED TO DEFEND HIM FROM THIS SLANDER. I AM ONLY PARTIALLY JOKING. listen. liSTEN. this is the guy whose signature move is manipulate your enemy into dueling with you when you’re outnumbered or outmatched. he very coolly manipulated bob into killing his own brother (btw this was very hot and sexy and clever and attractive perseus is king of gaslight gatekeep girlboss). he is NOT stupid. he is impulsive. he is extremely oblivious about some things. he is NOT stupid. i watched perseus jackson grow up for 5 books and he is not stupid. i always say this. i always say that percy is not stupid and richard riordan refuses to listen to me.

there are such horrendous lines as “i am a guy of limited talents. if i can’t kill it with water, a sword, or sarcasm, i’m basically defenseless.” richard how DARE you say this about my beloved perseus. he is NEVER like this. he literally would never say that. even at absolute worst percy’s internal monologue was “this plan is stupid and will get us killed. but it’s the plan i have.” he’s NOT a being defenseless guy. what hte fuck are you saying. richard did you read your own books. RICHARD. DID YOU. at one point he says that he is constantly several steps behind annabeth’s thought process. he has literally never thought this before and it is also untrue. richard. i hate you. read your own fucking books oh my god.

ok. i think i have sufficiently harped on the fact that percy is not stupid. now i will complain about another thing. and this was just in one part but it bothered me and this is my review so i get to talk about whatever i want. if you don’t like it read someone else’s review. don’t hate read my review. i didn't charge you money to read it

at one point, percy has to wrestle a god who hercules once wrestled. and annabeth says something about hercules brute forcing it. and look. i GET that hercules was freakishly strong. i get that. i understand it. but when annabeth says hercules just brute forced it they’re both like ah shit i can’t do that. perseus. beloved. you ripped the minotaurs horn off its head with your bare hands as a 12 year old with no training. you are literally insanely strong as is. that is an insane thing for a 12 year old to be able to do. hell, that would be an insane thing for a grown adult to do. i don’t think rick realizes how op percy is. he was so caught up in making percy cool (which is, you know, extremely understandable and right and correct percy jackson is the coolest man in fiction for a reason i get it) that he forgot that he made percy extremely unbelievably powerful too. with the curse of achilles he was potentially matching minor gods in power level. he fights while sustaining mini-hurricanes and explodes glaciers and shit.

some more things. the prose is… acceptable. the plot reads like a fever dream. there is a smoothie shop called himbo juice that annabeth percy and grover are evidently regulars at. and there are. himbos. that serve. juice. so you can imagine what this fever dream looks like. like the last couple rick riordan releases, this one reads like published fanfiction too, just with better quality of writing than the sun and the star.

there are some WEIRD continuity errors in here. one of them is fairly minor but i still noticed it - percy says his father compared his mother to a princess. this is not true. poseidon compared sally to a queen. specifically, he called her “a queen among women”. i know this because i am sally jackson’s number 1 fan.

more egregiously, however, is annabeth’s yankees cap heebie jeebies. percy puts on annabeths’s cap and gets the heebie jeebies while using it. and then he goes wow annabeth. you never told me that using the cap is like this. and annabeth is like yeah well. power is like that. richard. riordan. did you fucking FORGET that percy has, in fact, worn annabeth’s cap before. and it was literally completely. once again, richard, did you read your own books.

one more good thing - when percy fights geras/gary, who is the god/personification of old age, the way he does it is by imagining him and his friends getting older and embracing it. this was a genuinely good and sweet moment and it was very touching. the trio’s talks about this after the fact are also absolutely a return to form from riordan. for like, a few paragraphs. but still.

the biggest problem is just how obvious it is that this book is a cash grab. we had pjo. then we had a sequel series. then we had ANOTHER sequel series. and now we’re getting random standalone novels that are extremely unnecessary and don’t add anything. rick riordan has dollar signs in his eyes. these are not stories that make sense. these are not stories rick genuinely wanted to tell. these are stories that are being told because the purpose of publishing books now is to maximize profit. (sidebar - i told you the capitalism thing would be relevant. you should believe me more often. smh) the only reason rick is still writing these books is that they make money. they feel extremely empty and hollow.

percy is trapped as a teenager forever because rick refuses to let him age up. percy accepting old age would make FAR more sense for a percy who’s in his 20’s and just now realizing that he lived past all the shit he thought was going to kill him and he has a real life that he likes and he could actually grow old now. but percy must be a child for marketing purposes, so he stays a child. the world itself is trapped in a cycle of the gods promising they’ll be better and the gods literally not changing at all. and for the sake of the book series, it can’t change. if we had real change in the world, that would actually mean something, silly. we can’t have consequences. we have to reset every 5 years like a fucking comic book so that we can make infinite money. this is the infinite money glitch irl. just make trash that doesn’t need to be made. the end point of capitalism is making trash no one asked for that has no artistic merit just because you can make money off of it.

by the way, dr emily wilson’s iliad translation, which was also out on the same day, is LESS expensive than this book. this cashgrab nonsense novel is MORE expensive than a book a professor in classics who has a phd spent 4 years on. this is just wrong. the fun and stupid cashgrab book should NOT be more expensive than a book that someone spent 4 years meticulously translating from ancient greek. it’s just so clear and in your face. trials of apollo absolutely felt like a cashgrab but at least there was SOME semblance of effort there. this is literally just the most plain and simple cashgrab novel you can make.

hey. you know the infinite monkey theorem? the infinite monkey theorem is that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text including shakespeare. richard riordan is a monkey with a typewriter. you get it. you’ve read percy jackson.

rick riordan struck gold with pjo. it’s genuinely to this day one of my favourite things i’ve ever read, flaws and all. it’s FUN. it’s COOL. it’s THEMATICALLY COHESIVE. the characters grow and change. they feel like real people with personalities. it literally doesn’t even matter how op percy is because THAT’S how good of a character he is. he is so compelling that you want to read about him anyway even though you can tell right from the minotaur fight that this kid can decimate whatever opponent he has. the books are funny and moving because you can genuinely connect to these characters. the more i read rick riordan’s work, the more certain i am that pjo was a fluke. i don’t think he knows what he’s doing. i think he should retire from writing.

unfortunately for me, richard riordan seems to have no intention of retiring. he has announced another percy jackson book that will be released next year. i assume there will be at least 2 more books based on the setup in this one.

rick. listen. i know you’re listening because what else will you do with your time. rick, why are you doing this. hasn’t percy been through enough. when will it end. give it a rest. stop it. get some help. at the very least, read your own books before writing percy. i am right about him and you are wrong about him. you are the author and i’m killing you right now. i am strangling you and i am hitting you with weapons. all at once. i am very proficient at causing deaths. (this is a metaphor referring to roland barthes’ death of the author. i wish no bodily harm to richard riordan).

this book is… alright. percy is my smart king. sally jackson is queen of my heart. it’s a fun read but you do have to turn your brain off completely and read through some serious percy defamation.

[edit: i am downgrading this book to one star (was at 2). the more i think about it, the more angry i am. there is literally a paragraph tailor made to rub jason's death in our faces. it's about how he looks forward to getting old being married to piper and having grandchildren. it's a very low blow. jason is literally rick riordan's biggest missed opportunity and he's rubbing in how poorly he treated jason even after killing him off for apollo's character development.

annabeth still keeps putting percy down because rick doesn't realize how mean she is i guess. she's still scared of him. canonically. which is a really weird and fucked up thing to write imo. this relationship doesn't seem healthy in canon (they are healthy in my head, however, because i know what women are like) but rick refuses to address it or let them break up. i LOVE annabeth. i love her. but she is an extremely flawed character and rick never treats her as such. and it just makes it exhausting to read about her.

percy IS on form but it genuinely feels like he's tlt percy, not post hoo percy. his inner voice sounds way more immature than it has for most of pjo and in son. riordan also repurposes the "look, i didn't want to be a half-blood" line from tlt to make a dumb little joke about how high school is hard. it was a GOOD opening line. it immediately set the tone and told us so much about percy in literally just a handful of words. now it's a joke about how being a senior in high school sucks. it's this mcu-esque allergy to being sincere that pjo never had.

there is BARELY any grover in this book. i love grover so much that i was cheering any time he was there, but there is very little of him. he's in like 2 or 3 scenes and has his own side plot going on with juniper and being bad at understanding what his girlfriend wants or whatever. extremely unnecessary and not what i want for grover. this book kind of ends up feeling like it's about annabeth but from percy's perspective. she gets good moments at percy's expense. percy spends the book monologuing about how annabeth is way smarter than him and all he has is his sick ass water powers and the best swordfighting skill in 300 years, both of which are very downplayed. percy explodes a river and it's treated like this crazy freaky scary thing but two years ago in universe he made a volcano erupt and everyone was like yeah this makes sense percy is that powerful. in son he explodes a glacier and it's just a normal tuesday for him. he literally doesn't even react to it. and now we're supposed to believe his exploding and purifying a river feat is some unbelievable feat.]

in conclusion, i want a refund. no i did not purchase this book. however, i would like to be reimbursed about $5000 in emotional damages. i will also be suing richard riordan for defamation on percy’s behalf. good night new york city. and my beloved perseus jackson who lives in new york city.

[tassodelmiele]

Noisy little mess

Hi sweetie ⁓

Here we are, it's finally monday and we can hope again in having a good, productive week (please let it be a sunny one too I can't hibernate in April I need my photosynthesis).

I'm wondering what do you think of this little work of mine, so if you feel like it you can write me whatever comment/question/any various and possible magical shit.

Have a good chocolaty day ⁓

DISCLAIMERS: little bit of touching and hints about sub/dom relationship! Finally my kinks are emerging! (evil laugh); Ghost-who-needs-to-make-peace-with-his-brain x Reader-who-needs-to-learn-how-to-shut-up; "How to be a psychologist without a degree" (by John Price); embarassing mission I hope does not exist in reality, but i needed it for plot's sake; little bit of wounds and scars (Doc.'s gonna tie you and Ghost up to a chair for the rest of your life); yelling and fighting and arguing (you're used to it by now).

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Fourth part here:

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«Why the hell you've let her-»

«MacTavish»

Price swallows through the smoked breath, clenching his fingers around the consumed cigar just to distract himself from the willingness to punch a wall, or the Sergeant's face.

«I've already had Ghost yelling at me for half an hour. Spare me»

«Then explain yourself, Cap.»

«I can't. I've no explanation. She'd done it by herself»

«She's no insubordinate»

«Not in that sense». He sighs. «I told her no. I knew it was too much for a rookie». He chews the extinguished cigar for a while, taking his time. «Laswell agreed. But that goddamn girl managed to convince Kate, somehow»

«How come?»

«Dunno. But she's already feeling bad enough, and she was the one who's got to rescue the girl»

«Laswell?? Ye serious?»

Price nods, eyes locked at the door in front of them. The doc entered almost one hour ago.

«And» Soap dares to ask «is Laswell…uhm…»

«She's ok» the Captain anticipates him. «Nothing broken. But the rookie…». He sighs again, scratching the bridge of his nose, pushing lightly his digits on the eyes. «I don't like soldiers wasting their lives like this. Especially good ones»

«The mission had to be done anyway»

«We could have waited for a better plan»  

He takes a last chew on the cigar, spitting it on his glove before squeezing the leftover crumbles in his fist. He throws everything in a trashcan, then gazes at Soap.

«We've got shit to do, Sergeant. We'll come to check her later»

«They've done something bad to her». That wasn't really a question, even if Soap hopes to be wrong. «Am i right?»

«What came up in that bloody lil' head of yours?»

Three gunshots in your arm (the right one, 'cause luck kicks you in the ass as always), one blade wound and various bruises, just to complete the masterpiece. Doc sent you out of the bed with a promise: to try to not touch the medications.

One in particular.

You didn't even want to eat, but you need to. So breakfast has started, with chocolate scent, closed stomach and two pairs of gaze on your red face. You've tried to avoid contact with every human being in the base, but someone's got a good sense of smell for you. And you eventually end up with Soap and Gaz surrounding you with their (legitimate) questions.

You're blushing like hell, stirring oatmeal crumble in the mug with your eyes drowning into it.

«…I've thought…i could be helpful»

«You're a brave kid, but that was-»

«Stupid» Soap ends the sentence. «To say the least». He finishes his coffee in a sip, swallowing the hot liquid in a rush. «It wasn't a rookie's work, ye should've known» 

You nod in embarrassment. «I did know»

«Then why?»

«'Cause…» you swallow, burying your eyes more into the mug, scratching the cuticles skin out of the nails. «…a girl was required. For the mission»

«Hold on» Gaz grabs your shoulder, lowering his voice. It was a confidential subject, not the one to speak about in a crowded dining room. But he keeps on with his curiosity anyway. «It was about weapons traffic, wasn't it?»

You nod.

«Then why a girl?»

You're about to answer, your mouth's already open even if you're not sure if filling them with a temporary lie, or just spit the truth.

Another sudden press on your shoulder takes you off from every doubt.

A big hand grabs you firmly, squeezing skin and bones underneath your uniform. Your body instantly shivers, tightening under the hold. You raise your head a little, but you know whose mask you're gonna jump into.

Ghost has the magical power to bring back the silence. He doesn't even have to speak, just a glare of his is enough. His look hits Soap and Gaz as to say: shut your bloody mouth; and they just roll their eyes at the ceiling, as to say: but we wanna know 'bout her mission, damn it.

Then he lowers on you just that tiny bit that's needed to let you feel his body heat closer, so warm against your cold limbs.

«Your presence is required» he says quickly, almost murmuring against your ear.

And here you are, walking behind his massive figure with eyes lowered on the ground, following his feet at a security distance through the base. He stops a couple of times to talk with someone, moments in which you play camouflaging with the wall; then you two reach a door, and you're so into not-seeing in front of you that you don't even look at where you are. 

He closes the door behind you, and only after a few seconds of embarrassment you find the bravery to mumbling:

«W-who required me?»

«I do»

Your heart skips a beat before your ears could collect his voice and your synapsis could elaborate its meaning. That's when you suddenly raise your sight, finding him clinging on the desk while looking at you through the mask, and even if you can't see his face it's pretty clear that he's judging you. You can read it on the skull, as there's an imaginary -but very perceptible-  neon writing saying: You're a bloody stupid gnome.

Voice escape through your lips automatically: «I'm sorry»

«'Bout what?» he kinda calls you out, pressing with his sternness on your pathetic whimpers.    

Your eyes lower again.

«…causing trouble-»

«Just that?»

You nod. You don't wanna talk about what kinda trouble; but he does.

«Take off your shirt»

Your brain flashes a sudden error signal, allowing you to shiver and wrap your arms tight around yourself. 

«…sir?»

Stupid question. You know why he's asking, the goddamn doctor had probably told him.

«Your shirt» he repeats, not moving from his place.

Two days ago, you would have started a war about this, yelling at him without regrets, brave enough to fight against your superior like two children between one small bucket. 

Not now. Now you just stand in your special spot in the office, allowing your body to move just what is needed to breathe, eyes locked on the floor. You feel him growing impatient, sighing through the mask as you're disappointing him.

«'K. If that's so…»

The sentence remains hanging in the air, and in a matter of seconds, without getting aware of how fast he came toward you, his hands are on your shoulder. You instantly panic but you're too small to fight against his weight that's pushing you against the door, pinning you still with an hand on your breastbone while the other runs to your shirt's hem.

You grab his wrist in a stupid attempt at stopping him, but he lifts the shirt up in one movement, revealing bruises, a bloody bandage, and…a little scar slightly under the belly button, fresh from the oven and still shiny from some medical gel: the writing made out of fire burns on your skin in an elegant gothic style. 

He stares at it, contemplating that swallowed piece of tattooed skin. Your face becomes so red you could spontaneously combust in this exact moment.

«Who made it?» he burst out, whispering harsh words.

You swallow hot air, digging your dry throat and hoping that whatever's gonna come out of your mouth will be the most sensible as possible.

«It's…it…traffic wasn't just 'bout weapons»

«Humans» he talks over immediately. 

You nod your head, specifying with a swallow: «women» 

«You've sneak in as a good to be sold»

«There was no other way to-»

«And they've marked you» his voice's not that high, but you're whispering enough to make it easy for him to have the upper hand on you. You become quiet, avoiding his sight, with your hands still wrapped around his wrist.

«Are you proud?»

The question wasn't expected, spitted roughly through his mouth. You clench your digits, digging in his gloves.

Then you nodd.

«Yes» the answer is a breath, warmth by your boldness and the consciousness that you've done what had to be done. And none would have taken that awareness from you. You eventually lift your sight a little, meeting his mask, letting the skull shape fill your eyes.

«Yes, I am»

You know he's looking at you as if he's got an idiot under his sight. You feel him judging, investigating your behavior, interrogating your posture. And you, trapped between a scary giant and a door, with his cold glove pressed where your belly still hurts, you dare to stare at him for one whole minute.

It seems enough: he lets you go, shaking your hands away from his wrists as he stands in all of his height against you.

«Good soldiers come home alive, little gnome»

«…it's a curious scolding from one who lives a dangerous life»

«I've already told ya: you don't know me»

«But i'm neither deaf nor blind»

«Buy a bloody mirror then». He takes two steps back, letting you breathe freely for the first time since you've entered the room. «Ya can say you see us clear, but speaking of seeing yourself…I can't say the same»

«I know me»   

«It seems not»

Blood starts to rush to your brain as the embarrassment turns into a mixed spoonful of anger and bitterness. You follow him, still at security distance, toward his desk. «Why? 'Cause you've caught me touching myself once and I made one bloody moan?»

«'S not that, and we've already talked enough 'bout it» he mumbled, pretending to not pay attention as he looks through some documents on the table.

«Oh, oh sure! Now we've talked enough about it» your arms end up crossing on your chest. «after you've ripped my elbow»

«It was just a nerve»

«Judicially irrelevant» 

«Shut your bloody mouth»

«Why? 'Cause you've told me s-»

«Yes»

You freeze; that was a cold, hard stone order. He's got his knuckles clenched on the table, his back's muscles are visibly breathing under the pressure of maintaining a glint of calm. 

«You» he turns at you, pointing a finger at your freezed face «you are a goddamn idiot, one of the worst species. I've tried to convince myself you weren't actually so stupid but, damn god, was i right in the first place»

Guilt assaults you with a knife at your throat, for reasons you don't know. And you find your eyes lower, your spirit evaporated, your anger extinguished under his glare. You try to mutter:

«I've just done my duty-»

«You threw away your life»

«The mission had to be done, that was our last possibility to catch that damn illegal traffic» you rush, raising your voice to grow some confidence in your speech «Laswell needed a woman and i just did my damn work!»

And he almost barks back, raising stern and furious eyes at you: «than what 'bout asking someone more experienced, you bloody asshole?!»

«'Cause it was needed a woman with-!». You suddenly stop, biting your inner cheek as a last word slips, almost like a whisper, through your lips: «…inclinations»

He's left speechless for a while, standing in front of you with the finger still hanging toward your figure. You swallow; you know he's going to ask more, and that's just 'cause you can't keep your mouth shut.

As if you've called it, he spit out a terse: «Explain»

You sigh. This would be a great time to sink ten meters underground.

«I» you start gesticulating, drawing figures in the air with your hands «I am…i-»

You expect him to joke about your incapability of connecting two words together; but he remains silent, looking at you almost with curiosity. And you're forced to keep on talking.

«…I like certain things people don't usually…agree to do» you force words outside your mouth, with cheeks on fire and eyes buried on the pavement.

His conclusion wastes no time to come:

«You're a submissive»

It's not a question, it's a truth and it hits you like a brick in the face, as if he'd already understood your particular nature till the beginning. There's no need for more explanation: you know what kind of submissive he's referring to, and he evidently knows just enough about the subject to grin, just a little, under the mask.

«The target was known for his…peculiar sexual tastes». The additional clarification was not necessary, but he gives it anyway. He let out a soft chuckle, almost like he's having fun thinking about it. «I can't believe that Laswell really rely on this stupid trick»

You would really clarify how much Laswell fought against your will to volunteer for that risk, but your voice is gone under the embarrassment. Your digits are digging into cuticles again, and you're about to pretend to not exist, turn your heels and just go away.

And you don't even notice he's got closer again, till he forces your face up by roughly grabbing your cheeks in one hand. 

The disappointment is palpable.

«You've run into that perv's den alone, risking yourself for a mission you knew you couldn't handle…just to satisfy your throbbing cunt?»

That hit you worse than every other thing he's thrown at you till now. Your cheeks catch fire in his hands, guilt choke air in your lungs and poisonous butterflies eat your stomach, whispering through the entrails: he's right.

But you don't want him to be right.

«I've just decided to put every weapon I've got at your service» you spit out.

His grip gets tighter. «Sure thing. And what have you gained? Apart of a saving operation that wasted everyone's time, of course»

«Mission was completed»

«We would have found another way to do it, rookie»

«But I did it» you grab his wrist, trying again to escape from his hold. «And i'm alive, so why the hell are we even talking about-»

It happens all of a sudden: he pushes you again against the door, harder and roughly enough to make your spine squeak on it. You hold a yell, and one second after you can't breathe anymore.

He holds you by your mouth, pushing on your face with his whole hand open, while the other runs down right under your belly, squeezing on your crotch like it's made of play dough.

«This is no playfield». His voice is almost a growl murmur in your ear as he lowers enough to overcome you with his bigger body. «Soldiers have morals. And dignity. Maybe 's not clear to your pretty little brain. So: watch» and he speaks slowly, growling coldness with tongue maid of sharp metal, his eyes on you with that goddamn mask supply (and you're sure you're gonna dream about his sight forever) «your. Bloody. Mouth. Kitty» 

The nickname, the grip on your pants, the fact that you're breaking your personal apnea record…just burn your brain. And, in a loss of breath, trying so desperately to find a way out of that embarrassment while freezing your hormones that are already running too low on your body…

You bite him.

You sink your teeth in his glove as hard as you can, ripping off that goddamn dignity he was speaking about, letting the residual rage work as a fuel for your mouth. He suddenly jerks with a step back, catched by surprise, tearing his hands away, and to do so…he pushes with the other hand on your lower belly.

On your goddamn freshly engraved and barely healed tattoo.

On the scar the doc pleaded with you not to touch.

You spit his glove out of your mouth, yelling like your vocal chords have turn into a megaphone.

Ten minutes later, you two are waiting outside of the infirmary.

The knock on the door doesn't distract him, too focused pretending to find his paperwork attractive.

Price gets in without invitation.

«Just a word» he sits at the desk, usual hat at his place and cigar climbing from his lips «between me and you»

Ghost doesn't lift his sight.

«I've talked with doc-»

«I don't need to be scold 'bout it, if that's what ya'r here for»

Price sighs a low, maybe a little bit too paternal: «Ghost-»

«If you two» Simon raises his voice a little «believe in trusting every goddamn rookie, sending them risking their bloody neck just 'cause they've told you how good they are at shaking their ass-»

«You've already yelled about it, give my ears a rest. In any case, Laswell made the best choice in her position» Captain talks over him. «And I agree with her. We couldn't lose that opportunity, Simon»

«She didn't even managed to end the mission alone»

«But the rookie did a great job. Only problem was taking her out of that shit»

«You can't seriously call a kink exploitation one "great job"»

«She's a soldier. We're not here to babysit, risking our life 's part of our contract»

Silence. 

Price starts to get nervous, feeling some mixed emotions that he really can't stand at six in the evening. He suddenly stands up, patting both hands on the desk, taking a deep breath before exhaling a long, almost exhausted: 

«There's nothing bad in making friends with your allies…»

Ghost is already rushing an "i don't need friends" kinda sentence, but Price anticipates him:

«Me too, i've made friendships on the battlefield that i hope will last as long as my bones will walk on the dirt. Then, we could die together and be happy in whatever hell God'll decide to send us. But» and his "but" was final «i know what you're doing here. Stop it. It's gonna be draining, for the both of you»

Ghost spits out: «I'm doing nothin'», too rushed, then muttering: «Don't even like her»

«I don't care who you like. You can marry whoever you want, you've got my approval»

«For fuck's sake Price-»

«Wanna delete her from your eyesight? Just look straight in front of you from now on. Wanna keep an eye on her?» John raises his hands, throwing Ghost's embarrassment in the air while admitting with the most honest attitude: «Sure. Ok. I keep an eye on you all every goddamn minute of my life. She's not a princess, though. And ya'r not a bloody knight»

Silence becomes again the king in the office. Price is still fixed in his extreme openness, ready to give his Lt. the best suggestions on how-to-not end up again at the infirmary with that goddamn rookie (before the doc kills the both of them).

Then Ghost finally raises his gaze.

And Price has a bad sensation in his guts, almost like he'd said something he shouldn't have.

«Keeping…an eye on her» Simon repeats, lost in thoughts.

John nodds, hesitating before leaving the office.

..................................................

[applestorms]

DN ask game: how about 18 and 23 (23 I will amend to 'one of your current favourite moments,' in case you are me and hate choosing favourites in any kind of absolute way haha)

CACKLES oh you know me so well =3=" original ask game

18. what do you think about Wammy’s House?

MY GOD. what do i NOT think about wammy's house. i feel like i've already talked a bit on wammy's house in Various Essays, but i suppose to coagulate some of those kinda random thoughts...

it Fucks those kids up. by nature of what wammy's house Is, i don't think it's possible for a single kid to get through it w/o getting at least a little fucked up. that goddamn orphanage is releasing a Storm of incredible messed up little geniuses on the world and the world will never recover. you can't create a fucking organization based around concepts like Live Up To The World's Greatest Detective or Never Ever Use Your Real Name (guess that's probably KIRA motivated, but still) without screwing over the sense of identity of an entire generation. nobody's doin it like them fr.

i really really really like the idea that people toss around about KIRA = god of the new world, therefore -> L = god of the old world, and i think wammy's house maps onto that idea super well as a kind of cult of the old god. something something greco-roman mystery cults, L as a void player homestuck classpect-wise, the Secrets and Idolization inherent to that entire entity. oh yeah it's all comin together rubs my hands eviley.

i saw someone say the LABB murders novel was bad the other day and almost cried because i personally Adore that book, for the additional naomi characterization + beyond moments yes, but also for the extra lore it establishes about wammy's and L more generally. having actual Generations within the house is so fucking fascinating by how you can break it down, especially when you try to fit L into it and maybe have a generation where he was interacting with the other kids during his kinda Rise to Power. i definitely think beyond and L interacted quite extensively at the very least (headcanon basis for that mostly, i just like the idea + it explains why he even got the idea to emulate him so closely), and the existence of A in and of itself is such a fascinating mystery, i love seeing how people mess with the idea of them in different ways.

also everyone go read heirs and spares for fantastic light-at-wammy's house content that almost reads like some of the best earliest parts of the promised neverland and also has some great L and light childhood worsties content. go go

also kira bless time speaks for writing that entire timeline where light and L go live at wammy's and traumatize mello w/ their horrible terrible flirting that is fucking saving me. i am so Desperate for more lawlight interacting with wammy's content i have no idea why that sets my brain off so bad but it Just Does. etc etc L negligent parent King for the win, i need to see near and L have the most horrible terrible psychological battles monologuing so loud it stinks up the entire damn room while mello and light are beating each other with bats in the background. please. lord.

also also roger's characterization in the seals are good series is unironically my accepted characterization for him now whoops. btw i don't think i have many Deep Thoughts on watari, he's kinda just a shitty old man philanthropist to me :/ though i do find him more interesting and Paternalistic with a good L genderbend.........

23. what was your favorite moment and why?

you said current favorite so honestly... ok i'll limit myself to two.

FAVORITE SCENE OF ALL TIME: LIGHT DYING. ez. specifically in the manga. there is legitimately no better scene in the entire series. this fucking panel haunts my dreams it's so goddamn Good

there is nothing i love more in this world than watching light yagami bloody and pathetic crawling on the floor and begging for his life only to die like every other criminal he killed. his fear is so Palpable it literally makes me sick. i've read this final sequence, like ch.105-107 but especially this last bit so many goddamn times istg it's burned into my eyelids LIGHT YAGAMIIIIIIII. also his laugh in the anime is fucking incredible in both dubs 10/10 no notes you killed it fellas

FAVORITE SCENE AT THIS MOMENT: been thinking a Lot about both naomi and matsuda lately and their various notable scenes, oddly. i think i need to reread his entire comedy of errors during yotsuba again alskjfskjd and also check out naomi's death again esp in conjunction with LABB murder stuff?? idk. they're both characters that i feel i haven't talked much about (also kiyomi, thought i've been getting Thoughts on her LMFAO thank you forever @kiyomitakada) so i wanna get my image of them cleared up more in my head. also all of the SPK too, halle especially. damn i guess that's a whole lot of moments actually :P WHATEVER.

anyways ty for the ask <33

[twopoppies]

Oh thank you, this is thrilling I've never had a nickname from you haha. Today I was entirely too online and I messaged before and said that I argued with someone about how much I do not want to date Harry and then those girls being mean about Larry fic and just like come on everyone. The reason I said I'm scared wasn't just to say I'm scared, I meant to followup with "I'm scared so I'm taking the joy I have and holding it close and it's making me feel safe and better in these frightening times." Fic is part of that for me and it's not right that these girls were dismissive and judgmental about something like that. If the world is going to hell can we all have our little comforts on the way and not be nasty about them to other people?

And like, I am so much happier and cooler now than I was when I was a bus girl. I'm legitimately funny and I make people laugh every single day and it isn't by punching down anymore. It's something those girls will have to learn, it's hard at first. I give a shit about the people in my life. One of the reasons I said I'd never want to date Harry to that other blog was because I'd never give up the joy and relationships I have to follow any man around on tour. It's not even just Larry (it is Larry). Sooooo many people had something to say about that, that maybe I didn't think I'd like Harry enough or treat him right (the way they could) or value the world experience. Or I wasn't brave enough. My favorite was the people who talked about how Harry would give his girlfriend (me or them) money so they weren't stuck in the hotel (what?). It was suggested that I could have my life and friends in between tours. I'm not kidding. Fuck and no if you drop your life and don't nurture your relationships whenever you have a romance they might be gone when you need them.

So today I've just been kind of spinning and having this reckoning ever since October 16th and Election Day really reevaluating what matters to me and what doesn't. Today it was through the lens of Harry and fandom and fantasizing or not about being his girlfriend. I'm sorry Harry, it's not you it's me. I'll never be your girlfriend. Tbh it's kind of making me laugh now because why did it matter if I wanted to date him or not? And why did those girls have to say nasty shit like that over something I really think they cannot understand until they experience personal growth. To make someone feel bad about their work or their reading materials? What are your hobbies, girlies? I know I can find a way to make you embarrassed about them if you tell me. I know that because I'm you, but better and wiser now and much much smarter than I was when I was 20 and mean. I grew. Will you? Truly, I hope you do. It is so much more fun this way. It is so fun to let the silliness of fanfiction comfort me (though it is of course not all silly). Don't like fic? Don't engage with it, more for me. But use your fucking manners and be polite about it.

Remember that Almost Famous quote about how really being cool is about being uncool or whatever it is? It's true. And I was cool in theory. This is not bragging btw. Embarrassingly I was a hipster. I was a snob, I was judgy and I was a smartass. The guy I dated was gorgeous and rode a fixie and we talked about beer and bikes and the elephant six (remember them?) and people were jealous. I had tons of friends and a social life and on paper it still looks pretty good. But I wasn't authentic and that's what's actually cool. Last month I went out to brunch with my sisters and their kids and let them put Halloween stickers on my face and scream sing "hop like a bunny" outside the restaurant and I was fully present in that moment all weekend. That to me is cool. It's not the only thing that's cool but it IS authentically cool.

TL:DR: Don't be mean, I promise I can still make you feel awful about yourself but I won't because there's nothing less cool than being this bus girl person. Know what you are worth, who matters to you and treat them well and be careful with their hearts and their trust. Don't belittle things you don't understand. Don't waste time trying to guess your way into becoming Harry Styles' next girlfriend (he's taken, ladies). And do date the hot guy at school but know that he will cheat on you. He'll be amazing in bed though. You'll get over him.

Sorry for being so weird! Love you forever, Gina Gina.

This was a wild ride. I want to live inside your brain for a few minutes. 😂 I so fully agree with all of this. Being authentic is being cool. Fully embracing your unique weirdness and being yourself is cool.

Oscar Wilde once wrote, “It is tragic how few people ever ‘possess their souls’ before they die.” As the world feels like it’s falling apart around us, what is the point of wasting time trying to “look cool” by being something you’re not? Be yourself. Get to know yourself on a soul level (my phone changed that to “soup level”…maybe that’s the key 🤣).

And people who belittle things because they don’t personally like something, are just stupid. When my kids were little, their favorite saying was, “don’t yuck my yum” and I think those are good words to live by.

Anyway, bus girls can suck it. The older I get, the less I care about “fitting in” or other people seeing me as “cool” and I realize how much happier I am.

To me, that’s pretty damn cool.