#no pressure to do it if you dont want tho
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I didn't FORGET to do this for several days I just. Didn't remember.
Tagged by both tragicomedykitty and arcann (ily guys)
Uhhh I'll tag. @vounoura @doriansbutt @troublexbug @ratellini @silvacentric andddd @probably-guinea-pigs
But if you see this take it as an excuse to do your own if you want. The more the merrier :3
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I'm starting a tag game because I'm bored
Reblog this and tell me your top three favorite movies!
Mine are:
I'm tagging: @ss4nni @extraordinarygirl @rbf451 @johnnyporko @kraeuterhexchen @lonelyvomit @because-its-eurovision @mil-peri
#i dont remember if we have talked about our fav movies in this fandom#no pressure tho if you dont want to do this!#like i said im just bored and wanted something to do#AND it's always nice to hear what are people's fav movies :)#tag game
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It's really sad seeing so many artists I follow announce that they won't be doing art fight this year because they feel like they dissapoint so many people by not attacking back. The purpose of art fight is to have fun drawing other people's oc! It's not supposed to be a month-long art trade!!!
#obvs i dont blame the artists at all!#i just wish there was less pressure on bigger artists to revenge as many people as possible#of course its cool to recieve artwork of your character from an artist you admire!#and the best way you can do that is by supporting them financially!!#not. drawing something for them and then expecting them to do the same for you#especially during a month-long event where the main objective is to Draw as Much as You Can as Fast as You Can#even tho its fun its also incredibly draining lol#i usually take a few weeks off from drawing afterwards#and i dont even get that many attacks#idk idk. i love artists and i want them all to frolic in a field of enjoying making art
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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got tagged by @muttfangs, thanks!!!
Favourite color: this might be a weird answer considering i'm red-green colorblind and i can barely see it half the time but i love red! especially bright neon red is just oughhh 😩 i also loooove all neon and pastel colors (but fuck pink, it always just looks gray to me unless it's a reeeally vibrant pink)
Favourite Song: i took way too long to think about this and never got to a proper answer bc i love so many bands with all my heart, but i'll mention a couple of songs that i like A LOT:
Foxing - The Magdalene
Basement - Pine
Porter Robinson - Something Comforting
Currently reading: nothing, i'm really bad at reading stuff :( i would love to read the last part of the Don't Ever Wipe Tears Without Gloves trilogy but it's such a heavy story i'm not sure when i'm mentally ready to actually finish it 💀💀💀
Currently watching: rewatching dragon ball z! i just got past frieza saga :3
Coffee or Tea: don't fucking talk to me till i've fucked my coffee
Currently craving: fried noodles and chicken curry 😩😩😩
tagging @woodrider @shinymegacrobat @korppuhiiri @demonrunningwild @maned-dog @rustyanddustychevron @vampiricfruitcake
#no pressure if you dont want to do it tho#and if i didn't tag you feel free to do it and @ me so i can see your answers#personal#tag games
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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man
#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with#but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me#maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me#and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the#shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence#ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering#whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now#even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho#UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply#but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation#even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao#what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back#.vent
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Dear fucking God
So I've been dreaming more about my most recent ex lately (likely bc we started dating around this time last year), which is frustrating me Immensely. So I decided, Fuck it, I'd try to join a dating app after all. At least to try see.
Tried looking into what app to use, and it seems like it's an entire goddamn cesspool of bots and disgustingly expensive subscription services. Nothing is rated well. What's rated better is reviewed elsewhere to just be full of hot air. Tinder seems to be mostly for hookups, not interested. Her sounds nice for some, but I'd be uncomfortable there as a nonbinary person. Hinge and Bumble seem to be viewed generally badly too. And it all leads back to OkCupid, which sounds nice In Theory with the selection options, but a lot of people are saying it's gone to the fuckin dumps. But it seems like *everything* is a fucking cesspool, so if something is even a Little bit useful, then maybe it's still worth a try.
So I said fuck it. Let's try OkCupid. Downloaded, started trying to sign up.... and then I get an error message saying it can't create the account????
Like ok. Fuck me I guess. This was a stupid idea anyways.
#speculation nation#negative/#i could also wander back onto Lex i guess but i want. specifically. something that allows for more selection.#i want to be able to filter by people who are interested in the same kind of relationship that i am#which Matters now that ive officially decided i do want to raise kids.#i dont want to waste my time with people who arent interested in that anymore.#but it's hard to just bring that up in conversation. so a selection process is nice.#but just... ugh. i hate all of this. and i hate that i cant just go out and meet people bc i have stupid anxiety about talking to strangers.#it just makes me uncomfortable. online is easier. and fuck dude i know a romantic relationship isnt the end all be all#and believe me id love it if i didnt feel so pressured to Be in one.#what id love is a domestic partnership thats not necessarily romantic. but does have the possibility of sex.#bc screw me i. well. lmao i do have an interest in that.#it's just the amatonormative bullshit of romance being the end all be all. them being my Everything. etc etc etc#i want someone who i enjoy being around who will make me feel good and would potentially be open to raising kids with me#but also wouldnt mind the fact that my brain doesnt fucking Do romance like normal people. it just doesn't.#if it werent for the fact that im pretty sure ive had actual romantic feelings at least 2 times in my life. id think i was just aro.#grey aro for sure. this shit is barely there. but sometimes...... so so rarely tho. not really worth the trouble.#but i DO want someone around to make my life easier and to give me attention and make me feel special. you know???#just so frustrating. all of this is frustrating. Ugh.
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Hiya! I was wondering if you'd be open to me writing out your RLGL AU for you? I love the AU, and I've been following it for a while, so I'd love to give back:)
-Cat
Hi there Cat!
I would absolutly love reading anything you would want to write about the RLGL AU though i dont really think that writing it all out for me will be that possible because i myself do not know where exactly the story will go...
You can obviously write about szenes that i already showed or mentioned or write your own ideas you can even take the setting and make it into your own thing if you want to write something more extencive than just loose szenarios!
I would go absolutly wild over anything you would want to create for the RLGL AU<333
#i ramble#dont feel pressured either tho if the things i mentioned are not what you wanted to do then thats that#and if you really want to make it a bigger project or something you can dm me about it#but i cant guarantee that it would work out..#but yea please be as creative as you want my aus are allways open for this kind of stuff#<3#sorry i would usually be a little more enthusiastic with my language when someone asks something like this but i am very tired today
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Gawd wtf am I doing?
#everything just feels so stagnant rn#probably not helpful im just listening to sad boy neo soul and smoking pot on loop#while doom scrolling#idek what i fucking want anymore#shit just keeps getting more expensive#option pool keeps decreasing#the overwhelming urge to drown on pleasure until i choke is like a black cloud that keeps growing larger and larger over my shoulder#i need to hold#and be held#tho you do me wrong now my love for you is strong now you really got a hold on me#and like that the orbit of the earth stopped entirely#is the universe trying to tell me something?#idk how much of anything we learn frok comfort#but i am very tired of learning at this point#i just want warm soft comfort and embrace#my heart feels so heavy#but my brain is no less broken#all this weight and pressure#and it still feels like i cant cry#i dont even know what im sad for#maybe im just tired
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I HAVENT BEEN USING TUMBLR FOR A FEW MONTHS BUT IVE BEEN FOLLOWING YOUR ART FROM AN RSS FEED BUT I HAVE LOGGED IN JUST TO SAY THAT I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE HI-VIS/TRAFFIC CONE WIZARD HAT THATS SOOOO FUCKING AWESOME
IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT im so dead serious abt this that i have a yellow wizard hat being made for me. im doing this for halloween this year. viva Yard Wizard
#ask#djdjdjjdjdj i . i dont know if i Wish i were joking or not#tbh im too delighted to worry abt it#im gonna get a strip of hi vis reflective and pin it on there too#ALSO HIIIIIII I HOPE YOURE DOING WELL#also#if you want a monster art book#dm me bc i still got 2 slots open and id be delighted if you wanted one#no pressure tho!
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honestly, I think I'm going to wait awhile longer to finish bg3. been working on allowing myself time and space to let my whims flow where they may, and I recognized I was getting stressed for not having finished it in a 'timely manner'
me shaking myself: it's a fucking game!! play it as much or as little as you want!!!
#[static]#it's because I've been in an Elder Scrolls mood but I was pushing myself to finish bg3 since I'm nearly to act 3#and i dont like being rushed not even by myself lmao#i love the game and i love the story! but i know that if im feeling stressed about it im not gonna have a good time#whats that thing called when you feel pressured to do something so it makes you not want to do it? i have that#in other news tho ive been having a great time in ESO again#800+ hours in and there's always more to do lol#taking a break from bg3 is also me trying to deconstruct this constant 'you must be productive even in the things you enjoy' bullshit-#- that my brain is constantly doing. i want to bite and maul that part of my mind#ive been getting better at it in the last couple of years! especially this year#but it's still such a fucking struggle my friends aaaaaa
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Tag nine people who you want to get to know better! tagged by @werebutch
Favorite Color: Purple, and more natural neutrals
Currently Reading: Daisy Darker, Gender Trouble, and the Prince (Daisy Darker for fun, I love mysteries and thrillers, the other two for political book clubs)
Last Song: Karma (ft. Ice Spice) not my usual genre, but it's super catchy
Last Series: From, which I'm v curious about
Last Movie: Barbie 💕 (did barbenheimer)
Currently Working On: The Jake Maze pattern from Shopstitchedwitch on Etsy, for my sister's Christmas present this year
Tagging: @ankilynxa @unironicallyenthusiasticknitter @myceliumentwined @selkiez @birthdaylobotomy @apologizesforliterallyeverything @hermits-love-blog @duhass
#i know it says tag 9 but i think i only have 8 active mutuals lolol#of course no pressure dont do it if you don't want <3#i used to love getting tagged tho so im tagging everyone#lmk if you don't want to be in the future!
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im trying to practice not needing to get extremely hyped up over every big thing happening within franchises i love because it severely stresses me out, but totk is making it VERY HARD
#gyaa rambles#i feel the need to make something for launch day#but also like that pressure im putting on myself is making me anxious#and not want to draw#which makes me stressed because im not drawing for launch day#do you see my dilema#social media has fucked me up in making me think that i have to make art for all the things i love#or else im not a 'real fan'#it doesnt help that ive been feeling like my art isnt good enough#aagh#im so excited for this game tho aaaaaaaaaa#botw and ss are my fav zelda entries and a game that combines the two of them???#SIGN ME UP#i dont think im gonna get it now though#since my birthday is next month lol#but i also dont know if i can wait that long haha
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nano day 2 & 3 update
day 2
Total Word count: 1689; 1421 towards a fic, and 268 towards my main wip
Did a lot of handwriting so I wasn’t able to see exactly how much I wrote until I typed it up today (hence the late update)
day 3
Total Word count: 1603; 901 towards a fic, and 702 towards my main wip
I did two sprints towards my main wip and got ~350 words for both 20min sprints, im kinda proud of that ngl
I’m making steady progress and for the most part on track for that 50k which is kinda neat! (still not what I’m going for tho so i can’t let it get to my head lol)
but overall I’m feeling really good so far I’m excited to see what I accomplish tomorrow :D
#bet you all thought I gave up after day one huh#but no!! i was just too busy last night to give an update lol#‘you all’ being the three (3) people who know I’m doing Nano#the fic writing kinda dominated the past few days#Im hoping the oc brainrot will kick in at some point bc I really do want to prioritize that#‘i just need to get this fic out and then I’ll be good’ I say but then watch me say it again next week with another fic#it’s okay tho I’m not in a huge rush for cryptids wip#like i kinda should be if I’m aiming for 2025 but it’ll be okay#i don’t want that pressure at such an early stage#anyway I don’t expect to get a lot of writing done tomorrow bc we’re having Guests 😬#but i will try my best#my drawing will also be dropping SIGNIFICANTLY this month#i say as if it hasn’t already the past several months 💀#but Im not feeling that bad about it compared to before bc there’s no Events that are adding pressure to my creating#any time I do draw will be in my sketchbook. it’ll be a nice break from digital#i Can finally make some progress on those jojo spreads I’ve been dying to make#and by make progress I mean I’ll barely finish one lol#(i dont mean that negatively. I’ll be having fun the whole time I’m just making fun of how slow I am)#anyway#dahl does nano 23
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my take on starscream and windblade is i genuinely think their dynamic by the end of the series rocks. when starscream is incredibly fond of her and respexts her and sees her as not only an incredibly capable leader but a fundementally good and better person. and windblade is like 😬 starscream? well shes dead now so we never ever have to unpack all that. so uh. lets move on.
#SHE DOESNT FUCKING LIKE HER.#like i think if stsc had lived windblades general opinion wouldve been girl im proud of you and your#growth or whatever but like can you retire or something. stay away from me.#like i think wb meant it when she said she wanted stsc to get better and believed she could. but i dont think theyre ever going to be#friends. im of the opinion that death + the haunting is the best ending for starscream#and that its really the only environment for her that is conducive to fully truly healing and being at peace#like idk i think she was miserable and there would be no future in which people let her 'escape punishment' nor one where shes interested#in doing that even with bee and windblade in her corner. and i just idk#i think she needs space to be alone out from the public eye#and away from all the pressures that kept her spiraling over and over her whole life#and i just. the way exrid was set up i just dont think there was room for her to do that on cybertron#but i dont think shes healthy enough to realize that and leave#and i think 'noble sacrifice that returns her dignity and gives her comfort'#and 'true freedom to be herself no more and no less with the company of someone who actually likes and cares about her with no#responsibility or risk to her physical or mental health'#is like. really the best of both worlds i think it was good for her.#fix its where she gets brought back are cute and all but honestly i dont know. would she even want that. it would change everything#when shes finally for once comfortable and at peace#yk sometimes death is a GOOD THING IN NARRATIVES and she DIDNT EVEN REALLY ALL THE WAY DIE so like i thibk its fine.#i miss her tho. god i miss idw.
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Hm
#im thinking of switching back my side blogs to just my own stuff#and having less structure#or maybe just having less structure/posting whenever instead of thinking i gotta keep up w a schedule#and maybe change what i post?#like on the writing blog - post my own stuff yeah but also instead of like other fics i read or chapters of original content#i post my own stuff. prompt lists. and like wip intros#on the art blog post my own stuff. prompts. and like commission posts#and just rb whenever#i feel like that might be better#as well as doing a quick blog clean on them#🤔#much to think about#along w considering sharing more personal writing#like the stuff i wrote for nonfiction - esp bc i dont intend to like. publish or submit it anywhere#as it stands tho i dont want to post on those blogs bc it feels like too much pressure and i gotta change that#cause i WANT to post there#anyways#amber's shit you can ignore
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