#no predictions about when this takes place but ive had this thought before

[britneyshakespeare]

The first woman president will be a racist white Republican, I'll put 100 dollars on it. And the GOP will be so proud of themselves about electing a woman who ran on a platform of their usual fear-mongering dirty tricks, waxing poetic about how it proves they're superior to Democrats for not being able to beat Trump with two female candidates who were more than qualified for the job.

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry again for the long ass updates I shall stop unless I get pregnant lmao.

speaking of, have more faith in me 😭 Ive been playing it mostly safe. kinda. I don't have to stop smoking and i dont want to 😒 and all this is mostly reversible unless he gets me pregnant, so I'm a lil more cautious. and im not pregnant i checked a few days ago, not because of a pregnancy scare but just paranoia lol im definitely a dumb whore tho. we've discovered he has a breeding kink. LMAO. lol. im so fucked

anyway so, as it turns out I was right about lacking self control.

he went on a camping trip for a few days, and i was really pent uppp and so was he lol. and when i came over to his place, almost immediately horny brain took over. we just started kissing on the couch, and took it to his room. thankfully his roommates still on holiday. i got so desperate and pathetic, i begged him to fuck me even though no iud yet. he was definitely enthusiastic lol. he only took his pants off enough to take his cock out. he also ripped my panties 😒 he went to grab a condom from the night stand,

he was like "gotta play it safe now aha" and i was like

"no. go bare. 🗿"

he didn't even question it, i was so wet and i felt how easily his cock slid on me before entering.

he only ever went raw a handful of times even before my failed vow of celibacy. since he thought it was dumb for me to get plan B even if he swore he didn't cum at all in me. other than that one time. he'd tell me when he's close, and immediately pull out to finish on me.

but this time it was so primal, being skin to skin and that bare and close was insane. he had a hand on my hip, and he'd basically pull me back down on his cock but fuck lol it just felt so strong. we stopped at one point, i was still all the way on his cock and on top of his lap but no riding. is that cockwarming?

idk but I want to do it again. i felt his dick like. move inside of me during that. all we did was make out but it was way too hot.

anyway, he pushed me on my back and told me he was close, as predicted, I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me.

i told him to get me pregnant 😭

i wasn't thinking properly and I got scared immediately after saying it. i was worried it was gonna put him out of the mood but it did the opposite 😭😭 he asked smth like "oh, you wanna have my kids?" and omfg he kept mumbling about it. telling me to take it all deep, telling me hes gonna get me pregnant.

i came so hard, and only with penetration. it was such a weird feeling, and before i could become rational and tell him its just a prank. pull out. it was over, he came in me while mumbling about knocking me up 😭😭 i was short circuiting lol. and it was different than last time. it felt more shakey, and he kept doing these small thrusts after I think most of his cum was already pressed deep, and then he just settled all in me. he was soft by the time he pulled out, i was way too hazed out ngl

he came a lot. some started to drip down when he pulled out, and i felt him finger it back in me.

he said he didnt nut the whole trip, and was saving his cum for me. he knew id be too horny and impulsive to make good decisions. 😒.

as it turns out, he has a big thing for breeding, but was scared to tell me incase i took it a bad way.

im terrified of having a partner who gets off on the idea of getting me pregnant but I can't stay away.

i complained that id have to wake up so early to run out and get plan B, and buying it will be expensive.

so he told me to just not get it then. and I'm like .. well .. I'm not on any birth control and im full of cum .. like maybe risking it be a bad idea. ironically, like you had once suggested, he suggested I leave it up to chance.

I did take plan B after. twice lol. im still really anxious, but incredibly horny and I didn't know both could exist at once

he's arrogant now too. ill go over after work and when we're about to fuck, ill ask him to wrap it. and he's like "nah, don't feel like it tonight". he also threw out his condoms. but even if i bring my own he doesn't use them 😒

my birthcontrol method was to start riding him when he's about to get close, and pull off before he's about to cum. but he caught on and now just grinds me down on him as he's cumming

i told him about my detrans kink and he leans heavyy in it. or he probably is just an actual straight man. he reminds me daily that he can't believe i ever thought i was a boy. he doesnt even say it in a kinky way like he just means it. lol :/

im pretty much always thinking about it. everytime he finishes in me, im stuck dripping his cum for two days, and im still paranoid that ill be carrying more than just his cum from this blip up lol. and also, you taught me more about post nut clarity right. he told me to risk it maybe half an hour after he came. surely hed have post nut clarity and not actually want a baby, right?its weird to feel fear and horny at the same time.

(Previously)

have more faith in me 😭

-

I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me. i told him to get me pregnant 😭

Oh, I certainly have faith in you, Anon. I know you're going to do just what you're supposed to. 🖤

Come on, sweetheart. Do you really expect to make it out of this without him putting a baby in you? You begged for him to knock you up, took a week's worth of his cum in your unprotected pussy, and then just lay there blissed out and hazy while he made sure every drop ended up inside you.

Sure, you took Plan B afterwards. But now he knows what kind of girl you are, and that you won't stop him from keeping you full of his cum. Sooner or later, you'll be ovulating, and you'll conceive for him.

And that makes you dripping wet, doesn't it? Knowing that your straight boyfriend, who never thought of you as anything except a girl, is doing his damnedest to give you a baby bump. That you already came off T for him, and now you're taking his load in your fertile pussy whenever he tells you to.

When the day of your IUD appointment comes, I hope he just holds you down and fucks his cum into you, instead of letting you go. Clearly, he'd be justified: you can't possibly claim to be a reliable source on what you really want.

You thought you wanted to be a boy, but you eagerly turned back into a girl the minute a straight man got his cock into you. You thought you wanted to be safe, and then you begged for him to knock you up. Hell, you thought Zyns were worth whoring yourself out for, and you don't even like them. Why should he think that not wanting to have his babies is the one way you really know your mind?

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Fifteen (17)

Day: Friday, March 22nd / 23rd* Time: 9:58 PM EST

It is Kevin's turn to deal with the press, but he sends Neil a significant look on his way over to them. Neil has nothing to add since he'd been sidelined all night, but he steps closer in case Kevin needs to redirect anything his way. Kevin gives his best press-ready smile to the camera before motioning Andrew over. Andrew takes up post alongside Neil but doesn't look at the reporters. The interview starts off predictably with comments on the game and the impossible points Kevin had scored. Neil half-tunes it out until Kevin is asked about semifinals. The Bearcats are going home as the lowest-scoring team of this elimination round. In two weeks the Foxes will be taking on two of the Big Three. "I'm looking forward to playing USC again," Kevin says. "I haven't spoken to Jeremy or Coach Rhemann since I transferred but their team is always amazing. Their season was nearly flawless this year. There's a lot we can learn from them." "Still their biggest fan," the interviewer jokes. "You're up against Edgar Allan again, too, in the biggest rematch of the year. Thoughts?" "I don't want to talk about the Ravens anymore," Kevin says. "Ever since my mother died it's been Ravens this and Ravens that. I am not a Raven anymore. I never will be again. To be honest, I never should have been one in the first place. I should have gone to Coach Wymack the day I found out he was my father and asked to start my freshman year at Palmetto State." "The day—" She flounders, then says, "Did you say Coach Wymack is your father?" "Yes, I did. I found out when I was in high school," Kevin says, "but I didn't tell him because I thought I wanted to stay at Edgar Allan. Back then I thought the only way to be a champion was to be a Raven. I bought into their lies that they would make me the best player on the court. I shouldn't have believed it; I've been wearing this number long enough to know that wasn't what they wanted for me. "Everyone knows the Ravens are all about being the best. Best pair, best line-up, best team. They drill it into you day after day, make you believe it, make you forget that in the end 'best' means 'one'. They let you forget until other people buy into it, be it fans swaying too far the wrong way or the ERC calling them out on their schemes. Then they don't want to play that game anymore, and they skip straight to the elimination round. Did you know I've never been skiing? I'd like to try it one day, though." It is too much all at once for her to catch the significance of that last remark, but it will only take a couple moments. Neil understands right away, and the adrenaline that floods his veins makes him sway a little on his feet. He shoots Andrew a quick look. Andrew doesn't return it, but he is definitely paying attention. The stare he has trained on the back of Kevin's head is intense. Kevin doesn't wait for her to put two and two together. "Tell the Ravens to be ready for us, would you? We're already ready for them." Kevin turns and walks away.

Art used with permission by Reigzukes. Thank you @reigzukes!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.

[motherofdogs1010]

Little Darling IV (Thomas Shelby x Reader)

Summary: Birmingham has received a new club, one that is showcasing a exotic type of dance that is drawing in crowds, but it is one particular dancer that catches Thomas Shelby's eye... one that goes by the stage name: Little Darling

Warnings: Warnings: 18+ only, eventual pinv sex, eventual smut, stripper!reader, heavy petting, dry humping, language, drinking, cannon Peaky Blinder violence

A/N: This takes place post S1 after Grace during that 2 year jump but before Grace comes back, but don't worry, we will be seeing Grace again!

Banner @firefly-graphics Dividers @vase-of-lilies

Part III

His lips against hers felt hot, a shiver ran through her at the sensation of their lips molded against one another and she squeezed her eyes as her hand twitched and--

Slap.

Y/N felt a sense of justification when she slapped Tommy, one of her long nails scratched the corner of his lip pretty good during the slap and the man smirked, his tongue coming out and licking the little blood.

His cheek was rosy from the slap and she felt vindication over it as she

"I'm not a whore", she hissed, shoving him away and standing up. "And I will never be your whore."

"Not during the day", Tommy replied, "not yet at least."

Her eyes widen at his response, the way he was making it out that she was going to be his whore and while the rational part of her felt anger, there was a slim, small part of her that reveled in the thought.

"I need you to leave", she demanded, Tommy held his gloved hands up.

"Fine", he said, "but you don't need to worry about your parents."

Her heart stopped as he continued, "I made sure to leave a generous donation to them, they should be getting a good amount of groceries for the next month."

Y/N felt confused, why was he taking care of her parents? Why was he spending all this effort on her? It had to go beyond what he was telling her; she watched as he turnt and left, wondering just what did Tommy want with her.

Y/N was due for new beauty products and it was on her way out of the store did she run into the famous Polly Gray, aunt to the Shelby boys. It struck her as odd since with the amount of money the Shelbys had acquired, they would have someone else do their shopping but here she was, wrapped in a fur-lined coat and a impeccable hat on her head.

Polly was everything Y/N had heard of, beautiful and sophisticated with eyes that cut you deep as she analyzed you to the bone.

"Y/N is it?" the older woman asked, Y/N clutched her paper bag of things.

"Yes", she replied, "what can I do for you?"

"Walk with me", Polly said, Y/N trailed after her.

After a few moments, Polly spoke up, "Tommy's pretty taken with you."

Y/N felt her eyes widen, had the bastard blabbed?

"Don't worry", Polly said, "he hasn't said anything, but I always know everything that boy does. He is predictable when he comes across a beautiful woman."

"Well, I'd rather he not", Y/N said as they walked.

"The man can't help but think with his cock", Polly said, "he just like every other man."

Y/N wondered what it was that Polly wanted as she said, "No matter, seems like you want nothing to do with the bastard. Much better than the last one."

The last one?

And with more questions than answers, Polly Gray simply turned around and walked away.

Some of the girls wanted to go to the Garrison since Cherry had given some of them the night off as appreciation for their hard work. Y/n had slid into a champagne-colored dress that accentuated her figure, curled her hair into a chignon bun at the base of her neck; her mother's pearls adorned her neck and ears as she finished the look with her usual, deep red lipstick.

"N/N, over here!" Diane said, waving her over.

Diane, stage name Lovely, smiled as she sat with Eleanor (Beloved), Phoebe (Babydoll), and Susan (Sweet Pea). Y/N had felt some apprehension at coming to the Garrison considering that it was prime Blinder territory, but it had been so long since she had gone out with her friends that the risk of running into Tommy felt overshadowed by it.

Walking over, Y/N smiled at the girls as she took a seat. The pub was busy since it was a Friday, the sound of chatter and laughter rang in the place as she slid into a empty seat with her friends.

"What took you so long?" Susan said in a teasing tone.

"You can't rush perfection", she teased back and her friends laughed with her.

Soon enough, gossip began to flow through them as they sat and relaxed, listening to the chatter of the Garrison as Eleanor was gossiping about another one of their co-workers, Beauty.

"She truly thinks that Mr. Lowe will leave his wife for her", Eleanor said with a 'tsk' in her tone. "Poor thing, she really does believe it."

"We all tried to warn her when she first started", Diane said, "just because they're repeat clients does not mean anything."

Y/N sipped on her whiskey as she listened, the cold ice cubes touching her lips as Susan said, "I'm not sure, myself. Y/N here has (Susan looked around before whispering) Mr. Thomas Shelby wrapped around her finger."

Y/N's eyes widened and she had hoped no one else had noticed the preference that he had taken to her, but it seemed it was obvious to everyone.

"Don't remind me", she said with a shake of her head. "He's like a pest that won't leave."

Susan giggled a little, "A pest that brings you loads of money."

"Well, that's the only upside", she said with a teasing grin. "I'm just hoping he doesn't turn up tonight."

"Why's that? It's not like he'd recognize you without the uniform", Diane said, Y/N shook her head.

"Sugar ratted me out."

Her three friends gasped and shook their heads as Eleanor said, "he's been following you, hasn't he?"

Y/N opened her mouth, about to respond when Harry, the bartender walked over and set a drink down in front of her.

"I didn't order this", she said with a frown.

"He did", Harry said as he pointed out the culprit.

And lo and behold, the bane of her days had been sitting in the corner this whole time, just watching her...

TAGLIST

@amanda08319 @crispynutella @neonpurplestars89-blog @forgottenpeakywriter @kxnnxy

[googledetective]

my thoughts on the new episode as always, as I am currently losing my shit lol. I know a lot of people dislike me after last ep when I spoke up about my thoughts, but this time I'm ready to be more mature about it.

1. I love the Hu argue uhhh thingy! I forgot what it's called ngl! I love her and Nico's new sprites too, they were really all amazing and conveyed so much emotion!

And then Hu said this 💀

genuinely insane analogy to make here. I'm sorry, but that was actually insanely uncalled for imo.

2. I think everyone forgot Hu's custom weapon is wire, (if you realized and predicted this, huge props to you), and I did not expect Nico to try and frame Hu for murder like that. NicoHu divorce arc when??? Just kidding, but they're much more cruel then I originally thought. I completely understand trauma from not being accepted as the person you are which was likely in the form of bullying/abuse, but I was genuinely surprised that they really try and murdered Ace just because they didn't like him and they didn't want to go through that again. Very interesting. I also feel very bad for Hu, because she's poured her heart into trying to protect Nico, and even though her methods are EXTREMELY flawed, it must hurt to know someone you really tried to help would try to frame you for murder. This makes me wonder if Nico felt Hu was a threat to their sense of self like Ace was, if they were going to try and pin a murder on her. I'm glad Charles and J told Hu to shut up though, because she was becoming unreasonable. I really hope things turn out the best for her though, because it's clear she's coming from a place of kindness, even if her kindness is mostly self-serving.

3. As much as I don't really like the guy, I'm very glad to have seen Ace pop off. Everyone has treated him like shit, and even if he's treated everyone like shit back, he did not deserve to be almost murdered and then for people to just not care. I really hope Ace ends up making a friend if he isn't the killer, because he really deserves someone to care about him the way mostly everyone in the cast already has someone.

4. They both make very good points here. I think Ace deserves an apology, but a real one.

5. "of course I regret doing it, I'm not Levi" - Nico

THATS ACTUALLY INSANE- but that may be my favorite line of the ep. I'm glad Nico regrets the crime though, because I was scared for awhile they didn't and there might be another incident of the same thing again. This makes me think they won't try and kill again, but it's drdt so you never know, and I think they're a definite threat if they get provoked to that point so easily.

6. I feel so bad for Rose, but let me say, dare I say, I think Whit asking if Rose is okay might've been the sweetest thing Ive ever seen. A lot of people tend to forget that Whit is actually very compassionate, so I'm glad to see that part of him shine through again. Rose is so human, and I think she may be the most realistic character I've ever seen portrayed in a fangan. A lot of characters are able to just get back up after a murder, but she's stuck, and I think I would be the same way. Unfortunately there's zero mental health professionals (obviously, cause they all need to be in a ward) in drdt, but I hope that she maybe can come to cope in a healthier way with what's going on around her, because she doesn't deserve this mess. I didn't actually realize before that the cast had put her on a bit of a pedestal due to her amazing memory, but it makes sense. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I hope that Rose comes to peace with the turpentine and the tape thing because it really isn't her fault and that she can get help for her trauma due to Min and Xander, and Teruko's almost death. No matter how much people expect her to memorize a crime scene, she's human, and we all take things at much different paces.

7.

Hey David, didn't Whit teach us that trauma is a serious thing? You know I've been defending this guy a bit because of how he helped Eden and how I think he's trying to do what's right, but NEVERMIND. Because what the actual fuck is wrong with him to say something as messed up as these two statements. Rose and Arturo do not owe you anything, and they deserve to heal healthy, and at their own pace.

8. Teruko defending Rose was not in my ch2 trial bingo card, but oh my god, that really is sweet. I think Teruko really has started to change from talking with Rose.

I'm running out of images so I can't include her monologue, but it genuinely makes me happy she's starting to get some sort of character development. She really deserves it, and Charles really deserved being so fucking right about being social, lol. Also Teruko thanking Rose with that genuine smile on her face- brought me to tears. I hope they become friends :)

9. Ace and Eden, huh? To be honest, I'm completely torn and I can't see it being either one of them, but then again, I can't see it being anyone. I know so many people are complaining about not having a culprit reveal this ep, but I'm fine. I could wait another year and a half for the reveal. Actually, I don't think we need one at all. Maybe the true drdt is the friends we made along the way. Maybe it's better to choose delusion that nobody could've done it than it to have been Ace or Eden. Maybe, I killed Arei.

(I'm not that smart so I don't think I should be making killer theories, lol. I think it's safe to say I should stick to memes.)

10.

LMAOOOO. She right though.

11. "It pains me to come to Ace's defense" - David

another laughable moment, but a win for the Acevid shippers, I guess. I don't think David was lying though, and it was my suspicion all along that he had seen the body before anyone. I'm not very smart so I'm a bit confused as to whether later they're saying David actually did see her body (which is weird bc he'd have an alibi), or if he thinks someone else might've seen it and wanted to include that as a possibility.

12.

Teruko handled this whole situation super well, I was very impressed with her. Obviously you can't rule Eden out as the killer and Teruko explained that, but she was so compassionate and understanding about it that it made me cry. I never thought I'd say this, but here's a Teruko W. As for Eden pleading... I wish I could say more and I'm sure I'll be able to later, but it's just so likely she could be the culprit that I can't take anything she says at face value rn, and I was having trouble empathizing with her. Of course that's just my take, and I have already chatted with others who felt the whole scene was just a heartwarming experience, and that makes me really happy. This being said, the fact Teruko immediately turned to Ace as her main suspect TOOK ME OUT. I feel so bad for him he has literally done nothing but be suspicious to warrant this, while Eden is at the same level of suspicion. I really like that Teruko is playing favorites now, because Eden's been so good to her all this time.

13. I forgot to include David trying to get Teruko to not trust others!!! Shit!!!

Is that seriously how he plans to end the kg.. I can kinda see what he's going for bc so far the trope is in most danganronpa that you need to trust others to live and be fulfilled (not saying drdt is gonna follow that trope though). Hm.

Bro is actually down horrendous for Teruko though 😭

tierlist after watching this ep (kill me now)

[detentiontrack]

Here’s another story of me being a little shit as a teenager: before I went on the right meds and my POTS was bad, I had a teacher that did NOT believe I had POTS or even believe it’s a real disorder people have. I had a 504 in place, which is a legal document stating I am entitled to accommodations, but he refused to let me eat or drink my electrolytes in class and always made everyone walk around the classroom before class for some reason(?). I talked to my counselor but she was just like “he can run his classroom however he wants” so obviously, 14 year old me decided to traumatize him.

One Monday morning, I intentionally did not take my morning meds or salt supplements, I did not wear my compression leggings, I did not eat breakfast or drink any water or electrolytes, and I made sure I was standing up as I waited for him to unlock the classroom.

My heart rate was about 170, and I knew it was time. He told everyone to start doing our daily laps around the class (again idek why he did that) and instead of slowly standing up like usual, I shot up into a standing position from my desk and, predictably, I passed tf out and bonked my head on a desk on my way down.

I heard from a classmate later that he thought I was actually dead, because I went REALLY pale and was out for longer than I’m usually out (because I intentionally triggered this syncope episode) and when I woke up he was freaking the fuck out.

He sent me to the nurse’s office and they called my mom and OH BOY my mom was PISSED. I told her that he didn’t let me drink or eat anything in class and made everyone walk laps around the class, and didn’t listen to my 504, and she was livid. I wasn’t there when she chewed him out, but I believe the words “gross negligence” and “blatant disrespect to federal civil rights laws” and “I could sue you and this school for discrimination and breaking the law” were used.

From then on I could read at my desk instead of walking laps, and I could drink my liquid IV in class. The end.

[brionysea]

what is possessiongate?

several people have asked for a post explaining the possessed mike wheeler theory, so i thought it was about time i made one!

(disclaimer: i didn't originally come up with this idea, but i have thought about it a lot and i made a lot of the connections i'm going to talk about myself)

possessiongate is a theory that vecna is in mike wheeler's head and has been for a while (a year, as of season 4, which is why mike and will talk about that so much even though it doesn't match up with the timeline of will moving away from hawkins). it's not that far off from what everyone knows is going to happen anyway with mike getting vecna'd. the main difference is that this theory argues for mike's actions being directly influenced by that shared headspace, rather than just dying because of it

this is a possible explanation for why mike has been so fickle about whether he's "the original mike" or "the remake" that everyone's been complaining about for the last few seasons; because there's been a long term mind fight going on between him and vecna

foreshadowing

let's look at the first conversation mike had with will that was explicitly about will's possession

mike: you're like a spy now. a superspy. spying on the shadow monster. if you know what he's seeing and feeling... maybe that's how we can stop him. maybe all of this is happening for a reason. will: you really think so? mike: yeah. yeah, i really do. will: what if he realises we're spying on him? what if he spies back? mike: he won't. will: how do you know? mike: we won't let him.

the idea of mike being a superspy is already present here, since mike and will are almost immediately grouped together as spies. will could have talked about himself, as an individual, taking the risk of spying and being a possible liability, but he talked about both of them instead

will tapped into his connection to vecna to get them the "CLOSEGATE" message, and mike's the one who knew will could do that, because it was his idea in the first place. mike is definitively capable of seeing and using that advantage when it's available to him, proving he could fit the role laid out in this conversation

the "crazy together" scene also serves as foreshadowing

mike: sometimes i feel like i'm going crazy. will: me, too. mike: hey, well, if we're both going crazy, then we'll go crazy together, right? will: yeah. crazy together.

will felt like he was going crazy because he was at the beginning of his possession storyline. mike is essentially making a prediction that they'll both get possessed in the future, which will agrees to

mike: el? i've been meaning to tell you something. it's just, being broken up, it's been hard. and... i like that you and max are friends now. it's just, i was so jealous at first, and... and angry. and it's like i wanted you all to myself. and now i realise how unfair that is. and selfish. and, like... i'm sorry. i just, like, i've never felt like this with anyone before... and... you know, they do say it makes you crazy.

mike feeling jealous and angry and possessive about el becoming friends with max doesn't make sense if they're supposed to be his own feelings. mike isn't possessive of el. he doesn't want to hide her in his basement forever. when mike reached out to el over the radio in season 2, he wasn't begging her to come back, he just wanted to know that she was alive. he was fine with the idea of el going somewhere far away and living her life, like she almost did with kali and the ives family. mike doesn't get all prickly when other people pay attention to el or vice versa like he does with will. but if mike can feel what vecna's feeling, and vecna's mad because his plan of isolating and weakening el has started to fall apart, those emotions make more sense

we're meant to presume ("that's presumptuous of you," says max, after which dustin questions if that's a good thing) that what mike's talking about with el is love, and there's only one character who has actually said that phrase: the lady from the police station after jonathan got arrested. she assumed that he did something stupid defending nancy's honour, but that's not what happened. jonathan beat steve up because steve was talking negatively about will and joyce. if love does make you crazy, it's the familial kind, not romantic love

(this is from the same episode as el and mike's conversation — both scenes end with dustin interrupting)

even on a simple relationship level, mike and el's isn't what it appears to be. but once el starts asking what mike means, it becomes really clear that he isn't talking about love at all

el: what makes you crazy? mike: you never... you never heard that term... you know, like the phrase, like... "blank makes you crazy," like the word... el: "girlfriends"? mike: no, no, no, no, no... not girlfriends. el: "boyfriends". mike: no! no, no, not boyfriends either. it's like... it's like a feeling or... el: a feeling...

mike thinks he's going crazy again ("blank" makes you crazy... like possession? like "crazy together"?) because of a feeling ("it's like i feel what the shadow monster's feeling") and it's an independent issue from his love life. we're supposed to think it's about boyfriends or girlfriends but mike says that's not it, and despite his best efforts ("you never say it"), that blank never actually gets filled in

following the timeline of season 2, we know that will's possession wasn't successful. this was directly because of mike's actions and ideas — he didn't let the demodogs find them in the lab by suggesting they sedate will, he came up with the idea to put will in the shed and try to get through to him, and he pulled will out of a possessed state multiple times. but didn't vecna already know that nobody would let will go without a fight? didn't he learn that in the first season? isn't he supposed to be smart? what's smart about trying the same thing twice when he already knows it won't work?

vecna was spying on and trying to get something through will. i think that something was mike. who else was there to spy on? who else was constantly glued to will's side throughout season 2 (creating an association between his character and the concept of possession), always within convenient surveillance range? mike's a pain when it comes to his constant foiling of vecna's evil plans. it would be smart to keep an eye on him

and that would be all well and good, except that season 2 is the one season where our team of good guys won — supposedly — with no strings attached. sure, the bit of the mind flayer that was in will escaped, but after bob's death, there were no more casualties until the jump to the next season. it's exactly what they set out to accomplish. what was the point of spying on mike if vecna didn't even use it? even finding out their location near the end was inconsequential, because el dealt with the demodogs in seconds and they didn't attack the house again. when contrasted with the loss of el in season 1, the loss of hopper in season 3, and the loss of max in season 4 (all of which happened during the final episode and the climax of the overall story — the season 2 equivalent of which would definitely not be the escape from the lab, where bob died), i find the happy ending a bit suspicious

when did mike get possessed?

while inside hawkins lab, vecna made will point out the hub as, vaguely, "important". mike said that vecna's immediate plan was to simply kill the group in the lab and vecna insisted that he was lying. the only person vecna could identify was "my friend, mike" (not joyce, who he would have recognised if all he was drawing on was will's memories and emotions instead of his own knowledge). mike's plan then hinged on going into the tunnels and setting the hub on fire, which was, again, suspiciously successful. they had the fake out of something happening to dustin on the way there, but then nothing actually got in their way, which is very weird and untrustworthy considering how the tunnels reacted to hopper poking around (they could have done something like the vines attacking nancy, robin and steve in the creel house). mike's plan went off without a hitch until he got grabbed by a vine on the way back ("you step on a vine, you're stepping on a bat, you're stepping on vecna")

this sequence of mike getting trapped by the vine, concurrent with el trapping the mind flayer and will getting exorcised, is when i believe the possession began. or shifted, i suppose. will's could have been a trick; the obvious possession that they can feel proud of themselves for seeing through and stopping so that they don't notice the more subtle one. what kind of idiot pulls the same move twice, right?

...ahem. anyway-

the imagery of a vine wrapped around the ankle is similar to max getting grabbed by the ankle in vecna's mind lair (vecna literally being in max's head until she pulled an uno reverse card and walked into his instead), and to el getting grabbed by the ankle in the cabin shortly before losing her powers. these are both internally supernatural situations. what happened to mike in the tunnels didn't look like will getting possessed, but that doesn't necessarily mean there wasn't something else going on. mike's stuff has always been more subtle. vecna wasn't able to stop mike from making connections and urging people into action and generally getting in his way, so he needed a newer, smarter approach in removing this annoying obstacle — he needed to use mike's best qualities (his intelligence, his intuition, and his tenacity) against him

there's about a month between mike going into the tunnels and seeing el at the snow ball. like will said, vecna leaves possessed people alone until they can do something for him, and then they're activated. i believe they showed us this moment for mike

the rest of his friends have left (will suspiciously pushed into leaving by mike), he's sitting alone, and then he perks up after seeing el walk in

mike's behaviour at the snow ball doesn't really make sense. last time el tried to kiss him (before she left to close the gate), he froze up, not leaning in, until hopper called her away. there was mike's speech to will in the shed before that, where he most likely realised something about the nature of his own feelings. now he's suddenly pushing will away and obsessing over el? it's weird and inconsistent and not in line with what you'd expect from him. yes, mike's a wheeler and wheelers are prone to fits of conformity, but mike also started a public fight with troy for saying something homophobic when he was 12 and he never takes his parents' conformity advice seriously. he thinks being a weirdo is a good thing. this is strange. especially when you remember the mind flayer creepily watching over all of them while mike danced with el

i often see this stuff being interpreted as just mike dealing with growing up and figuring out his sexuality, and that would be believable enough if this was just a coming of age story, but it's not. it's a supernatural horror coming of age story. things like will's ptsd and max's depression are turned into grandiose supernatural threats, but mike dealing with his sexuality in a heavily homophobic era (which we saw as early as season 1 could lead him to suicide) isn't? that would be a colossal waste of potential, and i honestly can't see this show passing up an opportunity like that for a main character to take the more grounded route instead

how would a show like stranger things present forced conformity through a character like mike, who's too headstrong to just conform on his own? by taking away his agency in his own life

why did mike get possessed?

there's the stalker song that played at the snow ball. every move you make, every step you take, i'll be watching you, and so on. while it's been linked to vecna's obsession with will, the lyrics themselves started playing over mike while he creepily stared at el from across the room, languishing in the shadows (what if the shadow monster spies back), as he tends to do. the song playing over mike and el talking, dancing, and kissing, holds the promise of mike and the romantic relationship that's officially forming between him and el being used to keep tabs on her, just like will was used to keep tabs on mike

(if you really want to tie it back to will — because these three character arcs are obviously connected — let's play with a hypothetical for a second: say you're vecna, and you want will on your side. how do you make that happen? you failed to take him twice because his friends and family refuse to give up on him. so how do you make him give up on them? on his life? simple! by making him think that mike, the person who makes him feel like he's not a mistake and who makes him want to keep fighting, isn't an option for his future anymore)

will: and if she was gonna lose you, i... i think she'd rather just get it over with quick. like ripping off a band-aid.

(needless to say, a year-long possession streak during which he's been slowly killing mike's spirit is not "getting it over with quick". mike just getting vecna'd definitely wouldn't be enough for what he's trying to accomplish. if you die that way it's over in a second. will plainly lays out that mike is his weakness — or his strength, which is kind of the same thing — and that going after mike slowly is the best way to get to him. vecna has been in will's head. vecna knows this)

el is arguably at her worst when she's existing in relation to mike as a romantic interest. she consistently does stuff like spy on her friends, lie to mike for months, physically harm max, exclude will, slam doors in hopper's face, and ditch all of her friends in the name of her relationship with mike. el never apologises or even takes responsibility for her actions. mike has done things wrong too, but in accordance with heteronormative gender roles of the time (watched any 80s films recently? the girl sits there and looks pretty, because she's a prize to be won, while the boy chases after her and puts in all the effort), el is blameless while mike gets all the blame. it consumes her character, makes her harder to watch, and most importantly, it makes her easier to kill

the romantic relationship between mike and el clearly had a negative impact. it isolated them, it turned them into brainless little teen drama machines, and both of their individual characters and the group's shared ability to strategise and make plans together took a drastic hit because of it. that's very convenient, isn't it? one season prior to mike and el becoming official, el was a powerhouse who shut a gate right in vecna's face and mike was constantly getting in vecna's way. then they got their happy ending of finally kissing at the snow ball and almost immediately after, they became so annoying and distracting in their relationship that it derailed from anyone in the group attempting to make good plans

by the big planning point of season 3 (the argument in the cabin), not only is mike too distracted by the romantic drama of juggling his relationships with will and el at the same time to come up with an effective plan, but no one else is taking him seriously either. they brush him off and ignore him the second the instant-regret-love-confession (which was probably a result of vecna's meddling, since mike usually keeps his feelings very close to his chest instead of airing them out in front of a room full of people) derails the argument, even though he was really the one making the most sense. mike was neutralised and they moved forward with a stupid decision instead of letting him talk them out of it, which butterfly-effected into the group going on the run from the cabin and everything that happened in the battle of starcourt — hopper "dying" (which is the reason why hopper, el, will, mike, jonathan, joyce and murray weren't in hawkins for season 4), the catalyst for max's death (and therefore the catalyst for the downfall of hawkins), and el losing her powers. that is very convenient for vecna. some of his biggest obstacles are out of the way and for the first time, the good guys only kinda win. that's a huge difference from season 2, and it serves as a stepping point towards their first complete loss in season 4. for a villain who's actively being framed as this manipulative mastermind, i can't believe that was just a series of unlucky coincidences

this approach continues to work into season 4, with mike being shipped off to california to make el cry and to make will miserable while all three of them aren't allowed to directly interfere in the main plot. all the drama mike caused is very suspicious in the season where vecna essentially feeds on teen angst (i wrote a very lengthy deep dive into season 4 mike a while ago, which you can read here). mike is activated to make his first few days in california weird for everyone, to push el back into the monster/superhero mentality (which vecna uses to demoralise her when they face each other), and during mike's monologue (not to be confused with vecna's monologue from two seconds earlier... wait-), which successfully distracted el and kept her from saving max

the characters picking up on it

jumping into season 3 after the snow ball, el and mike are kissing while listening to music again. the music is explicitly mike's pick this time, and it's all about "never surrendering" and "i can't fight this feeling anymore". while this does reflect on his tenacity and inability to give up and how existing in the world when you're different is a constant fight, most songs that feature in stranger things have a deeper meaning (especially when they're diagetic like this), and the music is telling us that mike (who is immediately acting like a different person) is fighting something

hopper (the person joyce went to about will's possession, the person who realised will was "talking without words", and the person who heard the music mike was blasting in the cabin for six months) says that something's wrong with mike, that mike's relationship with el isn't normal, and casually talks about killing mike for "corrupting" el. that's an insane reaction to a teenager being mildly obnoxious, but a fairly reasonable one to the villain — a grown man with a disturbing habit of targeting teenagers and pre-pubescent children — inserting himself into hopper's teenaged daughter's relationship which solely consists of them making out

mike doesn't understand what's happening to him, but he knows something is. his feelings get dismissed too often to make anything of it in season 3, but he gets the chance to think a bit harder about it in season 4, after a lot of prompting from will. usually when mike's freaking out about something, he paces until someone snaps at him to cut it out, but in season 4 he spends most of his panic sessions totally frozen. it's visually different from anything he's had to personally deal with before. he spends a lot of time wondering why he didn't say a mysterious "thing" (which he never explicitly spells out) during his fight with el. that fight was setting up for mike's monologue, which distracted el and let vecna open the gates. mike didn't say what he wanted to say, whatever that was, because he couldn't. he wasn't in control, and you can tell by how confused and off-kilter he sounded while trying to explain his reaction to the roller skate incident

subconsciously, though, mike is aware of what's happening. he's dropped a lot of hints about it ("why am i the bad guy?" is my personal favourite) and when jonathan subtly questions this habit ("maybe it's hidden in the code somehow?" "what you just said makes no sense"), mike shows that he has no clue he's doing it

jonathan actually figured out what was happening to mike back in season 3, almost immediately after setting foot in the basement, because mike exclusively speaks in code and jonathan's great at hearing the things people aren't saying. this is probably the reason why they got put in the same group for season 4

jonathan seemed to think that mike's consciousness was gone or heavily suppressed for a while (which is a kind of funny but mostly sad explanation for all that glaring people have been making jokes about — he wasn't glaring at mike, he was glaring at what he thought was the thing that had either killed or was holding mike hostage while wearing his face), but when mike kicked up a fuss while trying to protect el instead of being cool with needless death and murder like the rest of the flayed (who tried to kill nancy and jonathan, like, yesterday), jonathan looked surprised and realised he was wrong

from there jonathan protected mike, physically shielding him from the flesh flayer right along with will (and actually leaving will for a second to make sure he could pull mike back) when it burst into the cabin. nancy and will were talking about the flayed turning into monsters, and jonathan saw that happen to a guy from the hawkins post, so he was probably concerned about mike (this weird anomaly who's flayed but somehow still himself and hasn't transformed into a killer blob monster, for whatever reason) getting too close to the killer blob monster that absorbs flayed people into its creepy hive mind. jonathan also didn't mention what he'd realised about mike to anyone, since el was looking for the flayed so that they could kill them ("maybe i'll just kill mike," says hopper), and nancy was totally on board with that (jonathan gave mike a very weird look when this came up). everyone ganged up on mike very quickly during the argument, so i can see why jonathan would be hesitant to share his findings with the class and risk endangering mike (there's a queer allegory in here somewhere...), whether that's through his friends or vecna doing something to him once the secret's revealed

will and his Upside Down Compass Powers had spider-sense moment after spider-sense moment while in close proximity to mike in season 3: sitting next to him at the cinema, watching him walk away with el on the hill, and while mike's running up to him outside castle byers. will said that he "didn't want to believe it was anything at first" while laying this sequence of events out as indicative of something he didn't want to be true, which is strikingly similar to max's initial denial over billy being possessed

the things will's sensing don't make sense if they have nothing to do with mike. either will's range is huge, spanning all the way to the steelworks while sitting in the cinema with mike (there was a long panning shot across hawkins to show how far away the thing will's supposedly reacting to is), or will's range is so tiny that it takes vecna personally showing up for will to realise that the mind flayer is trying to kill jonathan and nancy a few floors above him while he's in the hospital waiting room. it can't be both

will only noticed what was happening in the hospital when vecna took control of the flesh flayer. that could easily reflect on will getting spooky feelings around mike but refusing to put the pieces together because, in his own words, he would fall apart without mike. it's easier to believe mike's weird behaviour is just about a girl rather than because the man who ruined will's life is in mike's head

lucas, mike's dustin-assigned best friend, questions and doesn't understand mike's behaviour several times in season 3 (he did that a lot before too, but that's a different brand of Mike Mysteries). the rest of the party (excluding el at first, although she gets there when mike acts weird on the phone and blatantly lies to her) are disappointed, confused, and angry because of how he's acting too. lucas seemed to suspect something when he reunited with mike in max's hospital room, showing the same intuition as when he knew something was wrong with max (reminder: the thing wrong with max was that vecna was in her head)

el seems to fully pick up on and question why mike's so different once they're both in lenora and not distracted by acting fake, in a way she wasn't allowed to before ("but friends don't lie" "yeah, well, boyfriends lie"), because intentionally upsetting her and belittling her as much as mike does at that point is weird behaviour for him. he's naturally gentler with both el and will than he is with most other people, so for him to upset them that much is extremely bizarre

dustin: i told you, joyce has this new telemarketer job. she's always on the phone. mike won't stop whining about it. max: yeah, but this phone's been busy for, what, three days now? that's not joyce. no way. something's wrong. nancy: she's right. it can't be just coincidence. it can't be. whatever's happening in lenora is connected to all of this. i'm sure of it.

el has very good hearing and a habit of hearing mike whether he wants her to or not ("you do realise we can still hear everything you're saying, right?"), so she most likely heard mike and will's argument at rink-o-mania (especially since she heard angela's group perfectly seconds after the boys walked away). a few days later, after vecna told nancy to send el a message, el went into the void and heard dustin say that mike's actually been calling will an annoying amount but wasn't able to get through, which mike definitely didn't mention when will blamed mike for never calling. el knows this is weird because mike told her that he called her every night for almost a year with no shame, and the rink-o-mania fight was so ridiculously public and coupley that it wouldn't make sense for mike to suddenly be holding back. from there, prompted by max and nancy's refusal to accept the easy answer, el figured it out, just like when she knew that billy was "wrong" while max refused to see it

why didn't anyone notice sooner?

this is kind of a frustrating question for me. the real answer is that mike simply needs to be in trouble for season 5 to work (which is why characters like joyce and dustin are being kept away from mike for large stretches of time when he's acting strange — they're too intelligent and too active to not figure it out and help him too early). the answer that makes me angry is that mike wheeler is haunted by double standards. nobody would ever leave will alone to fight off possession for a year (and counting — there's probably going to be a time skip in season 5) like the characters who know about this have done with mike. it's impressive that he can hold out for as long as he has, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need outside help (although i suspect that's the point)

it seems to have something to do with the superspy angle. anything mike knows, vecna knows. if mike doesn't know about the possession then vecna won't be expecting to have to guard things from him as closely as he would from someone like will, who's consciously aware of the connection between them while mike's operating on subconscious knowledge. it can be turned into a tactical advantage, which is kind of mike's whole thing. as long as the others are careful with what they let him know, this might be the key to getting max back and/or killing vecna for good. mike did say a connection like this could be how they stop him, and it looks like he's going to keep working with will to do that, paying off the "crazy together" prediction

hopper knows something about mike that he promised to share with joyce (and the audience) during their date. joyce didn't show up and it still hasn't happened yet (although they keep reminding us of it). whatever information hopper has might explain why he didn't do anything in the six months between season 2 and season 3, if he really did figure out what was happening to mike that quickly

jonathan also promised to tell nancy everything, which probably has something to do with what he noticed about mike during their side quest. jonathan witnessed the monologue, so he has a solid understanding of how this specific style of possession works now. he also has the motivation to actually do something about it after finding out that will is in love with mike and couldn't handle losing him. jonathan told will that everything would be okay, and making things okay for will means fixing mike

for everyone else, mike's weirdness is predominantly blamed on his relationship with el (in an "annoying shallow teen romance, look no deeper, nothing to see here" way), or his feelings for will, if you're looking at it from a fandom perspective. but both mike and dustin call that bullshit. mike calls the way max frames everything about his motivations and his... whole character, really, around his romance with el, bullshit (max also deliberately does this when lucas tells her he knows something's wrong, obviously deflecting from the real issue). there's a not insignificant amount of categorically defining mike as not just a love interest, because that diminishment of his character is what the writers (and vecna) are banking on to hide what's really going on with him, but they also have to include enough clues that it doesn't come out of nowhere

mike prioritises other people over himself as a defence mechanism against his abandonment issues (because his family stopped paying attention to him around the time holly was born, making him think he needs to offer people something so they won't lose interest in him and leave him behind). the narrative can't validate that by presenting his habit of framing himself as someone who's useful and needed solely because he's the therapist friend, not because he's a person who's deeply cared for and deserving of help, like it's objectively true, so they're going to have to challenge it instead. saving him from possession, where the only thing to gain is mike's continued existence, would be a good way of accomplishing that

the timeline

mike is making things difficult by having a ridiculous amount of willpower, so it takes a bit of work to figure out when he's mike and when he's not mike. i don't have the whole thing figured out but sometimes, he just tells you!

this is from when he first entered the tunnels. nothing's messed with him yet, so he's at 100%

in early season 3, hopper says that mike has spent every single day for the past six months in the cabin with el, implicitly ignoring his friends (you know, the people he would and has jumped off a cliff for? those friends?). mike, from what the others have said about his behaviour, has spent those six months losing. "he likes it cold", and the months between december and july are mostly cold ones in this show's setting. this lends significance to season 3 taking place in the summer

hopper tells mike that something's wrong, but because he lied to get mike into the car (away from el) in the first place, mike doesn't listen to him and calls him crazy (you know, the thing joyce and will and nancy and even mike himself have been called whenever they had an out there theory? a theory that always turns out to be right?). hopper's scheme is successful in granting el and mike some space, but it's not until will gets sick of mike not acting like himself that mike actually snaps out of it. vecna was distracted by the other flayed at the time, as he'd recently put his plan of building the flesh flayer into action, as well as by what el and max showing up meant for his first direct interaction with el since she lost her memories. he was probably underestimating mike after six months of success and failing to pay him much attention, which continues into the next episode. the sauna test demonstrates mike's ability to fight back (and possibly hints towards the existence of some kind of mental shield or ability to hide, since billy had no idea what they were planning and even vecna looked surprised when mike snuck up on him with the bat), and confirms that mike and el both fighting for each other is vital to their survival

i believe mike is in control a lot more often for the rest of the season, but he still has to deal with the consequences of what vecna's already done through him. mike's definitely himself in the season 3 epilogue (i think he reclaimed something during the battle of starcourt, particularly when literally escaping from the mind flayer with max and el's help), but he cares about el's feelings and the whole situation is super confusing from his perspective ("i don't really remember... what did i say, exactly?"), so the getting back together thing kinda just... happens to him. mike's unresponsiveness during the kiss is especially disturbing in the context of this theory, where he's literally had no agency throughout their entire relationship (not that i'm blaming el; she doesn't know yet, she's still young and very sheltered so probably not that informed about consent, and she's been tricked by this whole thing too — their makeout sessions at the start of the season were difficult to watch for a reason — but like. yikes.)

mike immediately gets called "a shitty knock-off" when he gets to california, where he's at a disadvantage because of the 70/30 split with vecna ("he's been telling us his plan this whole time"). vecna having to focus on mike at first explains the inconsistent pattern of the murders in hawkins that robin couldn't decipher. vecna backed off once el left to get her powers back, and mike immediately did the most mike thing ever: got into a verbal sparring match with government agents ("so, what, we're just supposed to trust that you're the good guys? whoever you are?")

will reminds mike of who he is in the painting scene, because things have gotten so muddled in mike's head that he doesn't know anymore. this draws a parallel to mike's speech in the shed when will was possessed

mike reunites with el ("is it really you?" "it's me. i'm here" — that's literally the most loved one fighting possession dialogue i've ever heard). there's vecna's ridiculously long monologue, during which he confirms the whole mastermind angle, then he tells el to pay attention right before mike gets activated again to give the other monologue. mike was at 100% this time, plus he got a boost from actually eating something for once ("too much flavour awesomeness can't overpower your battery, can it?" — eat your damn food, michael), and will's speech convinced mike that happily accepting affection and fighting for his own existence is worth it, but they're still in a pizza freezer ("he likes it cold"), and vecna has enough power to open a mega-gate

there's a whole lot of reluctance in the performance, so mike is clearly fighting it anyway (he talks about "you have to fight" and "can you hear me?" and "i'm right here" a lot — i like the part where he says he's not scared of el, because after she realised what their relationship has actually been like for him, she must have felt guilty for being part of his choice getting taken away), but the distraction still works. mike goes back to normal (relatively) after el temporarily pushes vecna out of his and max's heads (using these two specifically to hurt el was revenge for when they worked together to protect her during the battle of starcourt), and from the two day time skip, we find out that el has stopped talking to mike. she probably realised what will did all the way back in season 2: vecna can spy through mike

[stateswscarlet]

Do you think that there are some people who should just move on from learning about loass because they refuse to stop focusing on having rather than being? Do you think some people are “lost causes”?

tbh, im in no place to tell someone to “move on” as that is their decision 100% (unless theres something life threatening happening/ab*sive situations w sp). but smth i will say is that in all my years of being in the community i do believe that some people are not in the right headspace/mental health in order to properly understand the law at a certain time. its not that they cannot understand it and apply, its just that SOME times they may need to take a break and come back to it later, whether it be because of circumstances or mental health or just lack of understanding (as sometimes ppl only want very simple explanations and want to be spoonfed, which isnt possible when it comes to applying hence them being “unsuccessful”).

ive met sooooo many people from when i freshly joined the law of assumption community who had been active in the community and “manifesting” desiring for years, even some ppl who claimed to have been studying for a decade + who still were struggling with basic concepts and didnt understand simple things like not messing w the 3D, imagining, etc. note that i am not critiquing their actual “success” in the 3D, i am simply talking about their conceptual knowledge. i still have people who are in my dms often who have been knowing the law MUCH longer than me asking for help and advice and are in shambles whenever anything in the 3d goes “wrong”.

on the other end, i have also witnessed ppl in TERRIBLE mindsets, poor mental health, the worst circumstances ever, etc completely turn their mindset around despite struggling and having a lot of issues at ONE point. they got themselves out of a funk and healed themselves, prioritized themselves and understood the law deeply without their old desperation and attachment.

so no, i dont think ppl are lost causes bc they can always turn themselves around one time, no one is doomed to never understanding the law (unless they genuinely dont want to and dont care to). even being a coach and helping people in dms before i was one, ive never thought of someone as a lost cause, but i can tell within a very short time who is willing to learn from their mistakes and apply, and who is stuck in their old habits and is too stubborn to accept help, let alone apply it. so based off that i can “predict” how their journey will go and have usually been correct. i genuinely wish everyone looking for advice the very best and thats why i post threads and offer optional help.

[rsepoesie]

MISOGYNY LAUGHS WITH PATRIARCHY UNTIL FEMINISM ENTERS THE ROOM.

All I ever wanted was culture to have empathy. And all I ever wanted was freedom.

And everyone tells me that I'm out of my mind when I'm on the stage advocating but that's fine because that doesn’t scare me.

It's been a long time but I'm back.

Everybody keeps wondering if I still claim feminism . Are they serious, anybody out there hearing this? I came in the world a peculiar feminist . And I'ma leave like that, when my time comes period. They shame paradox’s , I represent and write for them , judgmental people have entered my mind. And they better get ready they will know I'm from a place where my kind are a little bit different than theirs. Quit snoring feminism isn't dead It's just been in mourning from the moment I quit reposting. Listen I'm warming up and they’re misinformed if they

think that feminism is slipping up, this isn’t serious enough, then I'll skip the introduction feminists have been here nobody heard of them? I'll turn misogyny to a murder scene.

I don't advocate for the world.

I advocate for all the kids in war and those forced in child marriage. I fight for the children and women. I Wrote this with emotion. It's hard to get a break when kids are still being harmed. And it's hard to make a difference when people choose to ignore misogyny, are they insane ? Put me in a debate room with a mic you won’t be able to restrain me. They can say what they want but they can't contain me. Obedient is not a character trait of mine, I don't accept misogynistic traditional norms. This is the current condition of my peculiar mind.

All I ever wanted was elders to comprehend patriarchy. All I ever wanted was cultures to Take my writings , put it on their reading list and get goosebumps every time they read it,

If law wasn’t my calling Father, maybe I would have gave up and went back to the American dream but I am not a quitter so that will never happen.

Ive never been the type to kill but I guarantee everything I write I kill poetry.

Trying to make an impact in my continent, is that insane?I am in a place where I can't ever rest until laws to protect women and children are enforced severely.

And you know what's stupid?

I thought all people ever had to do was see how misogyny affected little girls and they would join the movement to end it. But that wasn’t the case because most of the times culture traditions lack empathy.

I guarantee theres no way that I’ll ever give up on feminism . I need child marriage banned I swear to y'all I need this to happen. And feminism is in my veins if they cut me I'm going to bleed it.

And what they think I write poetry for no reason ? no I take the pain of the women before me and I put them in my writings . Ever since patriarchy touched my sister I've been a different woman , don't ever try to predict my writings. Anything I write and

what they read now is me whether I'm in front or behind the page.

I stand beside empathy and humanity I'm a Catholic but my philosophy in life is humanity above religion always.

Don't tell me to calm down when rapists are still roaming free. it might take a minute for our elders to reject patriarchy but one day they will break the cycle and everything about feminism will be crystal clear.

I don't think they see my vision yet I don't think they see my vision here. But this is all that I have.

[rowanisawriter]

i need to put this somewhere cw: parents

i left home like 10 years ago and im a grown woman now with a spouse, a child, a house, a job, etc. im about the age my parents were by the time they had 2 kids and had already moved around 10 times renting. my husband and i agreed we could move until our kid was 5 and in school, after that we have to stay put wherever we were because we can’t displace her while she’s growing up, and because i need to put down roots. ive been floating without planted roots for my whole life like a plant propagated in water, my roots are out i want so badly to be placed somewhere where i can grow but im not ready yet. i have two years and we have plans. we can do this.

my parents are almost 70, there are still siblings that live with them and depend on them, and they’re about to do their fourth or fifth i lost count big across the ocean move. i know hindsight is 20/20 and they couldn’t have known back then that the houses they rented cost like 100k to buy and now cost 2mil, no one predicted what the housing market would look like back then. but they were the same age as i am now and they had zero forward thinking, they didn’t care how many times we had to move, how many times we had to change schools, every year the new girl in school, every year making and leaving new friends, every year in a new room with most of my stuff thrown away because we had to move to a new rental and couldn’t take everything. I have almost nothing from before i turned 22 and left. i have no pictures, no old friends who knew me when i was a teenager, none of my old handwritten stories, its like i sprang out of the earth fully formed at 22 because thats when i started keeping things, keeping proof that i exist, instead of just holding everything in my mind

they’re looking for a new house to buy, finally, at the age when most people have found their little pot to stretch their roots out. its the absolute worst time in history to be buying a house. i don’t think they’ll be able to do it and for some reason i’m helping them idk whatever. they won’t settle down now i know it but it won’t be because i didn’t help them.

i thought id be older one day and be able to get over my ghostly and ephemeral upbringing and just move on but i can’t, the older i get the more i hate them, i can’t believe they put us through this as kids, i have a kid now and i can’t imagine having every opportunity to give her a good foundation and just not doing that. going through this home search with them feels like chewing gravel. im swallowing my teeth hoping it will be over soon. if they can’t do it it won’t be because i didn’t help them

[traumatizedjaguar]

My experiences with the gods speaking back to me after I reached out to them

So in one definition of the word prophecy above, yes I've received prophecies, but I prefer calling them divine knowledge I was given because I feel it fits better. Because it wasn't a prediction - all the things I've received over the years - that wouldn't be exactly the right word. But it WAS a message communicated to a person (me) by a supernatural entity (the gods); because the gods can see and hear more than what we can, and they can hear or read peoples intentions especially when those people speak about it or plan it out loud (like when my abusers would plan things against me). God our Mother I think can read our private thoughts, but Norse gods cannot. because I did gain information I wouldn't and shouldn't have known about before I met anyone in person... and it was about certain individuals I wouldn't have known anything about. The visions were of love warning me: to stay away from certain people who had bad intentions with me, so once I see the people and the places, RUN it said, it literally told me to run and get out when I see those people and those places. and the other half of the message said this person that you are meeting up with knows and is connected to your abuser, NS. “She’s evil, she has bad intentions, etc”

So when god sent me the divine messages like I said in the above paragraph, he proved it by not only telling me information and what abusive person is connected to what abusive person (way before I met them in person), but he showed me details of like the inside of these peoples places, places ive never been, and like all the details of a living or dining room for example to prove to me that it was a message from the gods and not just any dream. (I don't have it anymore it was online I wrote every detail out), describing the furniture, positions of the furniture, colors of the walls, floors, and furniture... nicknacks, where shelves were located, boxes, paper and where it was positioned in the room, patterns on furniture, positions and places of every item in the room; everything was precise and exactly detail for detail on point. So the message was "when you meet this person, in this place, they are connected to x abuser of yours, and you need to leave bc they have bad intentions, so leave/run right away!" Along the lines of you get the gist, I understand the gist of it. Thats the types of messages I was told in each sign/divine message. The reason why I didn't listen to some of them at first was because I thought I had something wrong with me and needed help, so I didn't take it as a supernatural "mail" if you will, although ik it was now, I took it as "let me call my doctor". im fine and im doing better, now I know to listen to it next time.

These were miracles by God. He thinks I’m worthy and that’s enough for me to live happily and in joy everyday.

Here’s another story:

I asked god to show/tell me the very first abusive incident that happened to me by a certain abuser in my dreams that night...and that night he didn't show me anything more than what I already remembered, I was third-person viewing it, but he did tell me, like it came across as reassurance to me that I was abused by her not the abuser in childhood which I kind of already knew but I let the gaslighting and manipulation get to me so that's why I asked for his help that night.

[petrichoraline]

wait stay by my side is good??? and no one told me??? or maybe i keep confusing stay by side and stay with me lol

as someone who is all caught up on both shows - they're both fun 😄

this ask is from three days ago when I talked about how stay by my side (taiwanese show about a boy who can hear ghosts and the guy who gives him a break through touch) had a very fun sixth episode. i wasn't into the show that much but ep.6 gave me some heart-fluttering moments and cute angst that I neither took seriously nor disliked - it was fun for me because of the execution, the fact I don't take anything happening in the show to heart and because the show is short enough so I sensed a resolution was coming very soon 😁

now ive seen episode 7 as well and I can say 6 is definitely my fave. the conflicts are predictable, theres nothing really new but thats what goves you the safe feeling - you dont risk breaking your heart watching it haha. i'd recommend this in case you want a quick sweet watch with "cute silly boy denying his feelings" and "cold rude guy turned passionate suitor". it's the lightest watch i've seen in a while and it's my palette cleanser these days (everything I watch is angsty apparently and the angst supreme™️ trio of loa, of and dr hasn't even reared its ugly head yet lol)

stay with me (the og title of which I find real cute: "gege, don't run") is as far as I know a remake of addicted - a chinese bl that was Very direct in regards to what it's about and therefore got canceled AND banned and the main actors - banned from interacting with each other on tv or at public events for years; I thought swm would be a story set in the same universe or smth but as I watched the first episode I kept getting deja vu until I realised it's the same plot lol

it's about two teens whose dad and mom, respectively, got together - the boys claim to hate each other before they even meet, then fate brings them together without them recognizing each other and shenanigans ensue. it's about found family, finding common ground with parents you can't communicate with, about forgiveness and acceptance. the characters are very lovable <3 the crew is doing their best fighting censorship so it's very clear that the couple are not just bros. they can't, however, do what addicted did so many might prefer the 2016 show. I, personally, was not a fan of the mains in that - wu bi is too possessive for me in this version but his predecessor was Something Else

it's a very standard modern mainland china show. the reason im mentioning this is because of clips on tt and having not seen a cdrama in a while, i had the impression itd be more like a taiwanese or korean bl. the editing, dubbing, bizarrely cut scenes - nothing new in cdrama land. i was wondering if I would recommend it but I think I would, yes. some coincidences and plot points are just so beyond belief that you'd roll your eyes but it's not smth unheard of when it comes to asian dramas haha and I think you'd get so caught up in the angst, domesticity and hunting down hints spread around like easter eggs that you just won't mind the convenient plots (if you would care bout such a thing in the first place)

I'm doing a bad job at promoting this show but I do want more people to see it. the cast is perfect imo (..except for duo duo, I'm sorry but that bby cannot act..her face and aura suit the character though), the sets are all amazing (I like the school, I like su yu's home, I like the shared space later on etc.etc., all decor is very well picked and pleasant to the eye) and the moral of the story is heartwarming, its execution too.

you get passionate hot-headed athletic rich boy who's crazy for his equally smitten furrow-browed genius humble guy - they both value family and each other very much and are willing to do everything for those close to them. it's very endearing and their dynamic is swoonworthy, they're a complete power couple.

(also, spoiler, you get enemies to friends to lovers which is pretty neat)(the spark is there from day 1 tho)

EDIT: i wrote this before the final two episodes were released so disclaimer - POST FINALE SPOILER: if you don't like open endings, esp distressing ones, i don't advise you watch it now - better wait for a secure second season

[m0m3nt0-m0r1]

"i feel like ive known you my whole life." they said, their eyes glimmering with a certain sense of naivety and wonder that one only finds as a rouge teenager.

i had heard this song many times before, sung by an ensemble of faces i could no longer place a name for. its always sung the same way, with the verses of "i cant believe we didnt meet sooner," and "i dont know what i did without you" scattered intermittently.

there is a deep sadness hidden within this implied compliment, and that is: they always think they know me. they have met me years and years ago, or perhaps in a past life, and it went really well. it turns out, when youve already been made up in someones mind, they tend not to dig any deeper. it didnt help that i was always such a good listener.

"enjoy it while you can," i blurted out in exhaustion. "i dont tend to stick around very long." i was tired of having the same conversation with another face that soon would become nameless.

"may i ask why?" they said with confusion, as they had not predicted my response.

"i couldnt quite tell you. maybe im too restless, maybe im easily bored, maybe i cant stop running away just in case things get bad. nonetheless, life is too full of adventure to stay stagnant. im always on the lookout for something."

"i never thought about it that way." they said, and the conversation paused. immediately my heart began to race, and i knew i must start running again. i messed everything up. before i was able to make up some excuse as to why i was leaving, they spoke up once more. "do you ever stop? running, that is. i mean, if you dont smell the roses, how will you remember them during the winter?"

i shook my head in thought.

"i guess what im trying to say is," another pause came about, shorter this time. they were trying to pick their words carefully, as to not invoke more panic in me than they already saw. "maybe you could stick around a little longer this time. take a break from running towards your something, and start walking through your everything else."

the corners of my mouth perked up into a crooked smile and one of my teeth poked out behind my top lip. my hair was disheveled and my clothes hung loose around my slouched back, and for a moment, i could have sworn i was human.

what an incredible adventure that i had never considered before. maybe that was the something all along.

[rigil-kentauris]

tw unresolved whining

so i had to cancel my writing ai subscription today because i found out they were doing images and its just making me reflect. i dont use it so i didnt notice, i mostly just wanted to tool to grow and mature. it was like my one indulgence. anyway. i wasnt involved with ai writing tools at the the BEGINNING beginning, but i was definitively there before All This. and i remember having never been so excited in my life about writing. i hadnt actually had fun writing in years, i realized (went to college for creative writing degree, for reference. like this was supposed to be my whole ass Life).

and i felt so hopeful, because it seemed to me that this was the perfect tool for me personally. it filled in all the parts of me i struggle with because of Depression and Exhaustion and We Live In A Society disease. im not sure whether or not i was using it like it was supposed to be used back then (definitely not how its supposed to be used now), but it reall felt like having a dance partner. we went back and forth sentence by sentence (sometimes word by word), making something that pushed and challenged me because it would 'write' things that i wouldnt have even considered. and i could go off of that one word or turn of phrase for paragraphs. until i got stuck. and i suppose you could get that if you wrote with another human being, which could be cool, but it was also a paradoxically safe space. sometimes you dont want to write extremem trauma whump angst with other people and i think thats okay

and it was fun. and there were issues. but it was okay

and then the art bots came.

and i felt... angry, obviously, on behalf of all the artists who were getting jacked. but i was also... pissed off. because all of a sudden people hated AIs for theft unilaterally (a good thing to be mad about) but they hadnt given a shit before. back when it was writing. because i am also a writer of normal human works. on places where content was being scrapped from. and all of a sudden there was a new cultural norm, at least in the circles i cared to be in, and no one cared about writers. at all. in fact to date ive only seen one post/piece about ai theft of text and i went out looking for that.

and it was like. i hadnt thought about the datasets before, not really. no one thinks of this is stealing (fiction) writers jobs. its only just now, like the past couple months just now, becoming a talked about problem because it steals journalists and REAL writers jobs. academic jobs. serious good people. not nasty little fiction writers. much less poets i am not a poet but i have never ever seen anyone talking about ais taking jobs from poets. and they can. people who think ai cant write mostly, i think, dont know how to use them correctly. (then again i also think people who think they CAN write fall under the same umbrella, so... ai writing programs have. problems as unique spottable and predictable as image ais adding an extra finger.)

anyway at the time, though, i hadnt really thought about tet theft in datasets. back then you really had to KNOW what generative ais were to understand what was going on. no one was explaining except to other people who got it. and of the people who got it, no one was talking about it. i wish they had been. obviously we are all of us individually responsible for our participation in society but. why wasnt anyone talking about it before? why is it okay to steal someones words? or at least, passable. why is it still passable?

it just makes me feel things. and i dont have any answers. besides that writing AIs should be the EASIEST thing in the world to fix. unlike with art, the public domain for written fiction is both massive and still popular. as in, people will use an AI trained on older writing whereas AFAICT, the only ai image makers that make money need to mass-steal anime and pop art. no one's arguing about Ye Olde Oil Painting Ai.

i dunno. it feels. odd. because obviously i cant support a place that steals. but i feel some kind of emotion about dropping a tool that made me feel connected to writing again, in order to support a (good and important) fight that doesnt seem to care about writers at all

i dont have any resolution. just upsetness. i wish we could use this tool for all the good its capable of. instead right now its just a big theft machine.

one day with the march of tech i guess we'll be able to run beasts like these on our own, and then i think we'll see more ethical options. it just sucks in the meantime.

[mouldremover]

ive had prophetic dream a couple times in my life. one was about a VR place with black walls being built in the shopping centre in my city - a few months later, there it was! the other time i dreamed i saw mitski perform live and later that year, i did. i also once in primary school dreamt someone got star of the week, and the next day, boom.

my mum has also seen stuff in her sleep before it happened - she dreamed of there being a tsunami once and the next day there was one.

so this has, though i know it’s very unlikely and probably just coincidence, made me just a tiny bit think ‘lol i can sometimes predict the future in my dreams’ even though i KNOW it’s most likely just me being silly because i am very very good at that.

anyway this is all well and good because my dreams are all falling into three categories i can easily respond to:

a) so insane there’s no way it can be true - e.g the entire dream occurs in minecraft (has happened before)

b) are some neutral to positive mundane thing - so either something inconsequential happens, or sometimes even something good

c) are about someone dying / being in ill health - while this SOUNDS bad apparently superstition means dreaming of someone dying ensures they live longer. so it’s cool! i am extending my loved ones life spans in my subconscious!

but the issue occurs when i have a dream that is as everyday feeling as my type b dreams but is actually a bad thing that hasn’t happened yet. i’ve had two of these and both cause extreme worry in me.

the first one has actually happened in many forms, but always involves the bottom of my road and is terrifying, especially because i have to walk there everyday usually. everytime i walk there alone i think shit this is when my prophetic dream will happen which sounds silly but not when you’re there and of a paranoid disposition.

the second one happened last night, and again, i’m not going to go into it, but it made me think two things - 1. i’m probably a horrible ungrateful person and 2. people are going to find out and hate me. again, could write it off as an anxiety dream (it did take place in a bouncy castle so not exactly realistic) but i woke up feeling terrified and still feel terrified now. because oh no what if i’ve predicted something in my sleep!

i sit there, everywhere, waiting for it to happen.

and then i realise how i only focus on the bad. because why am i so caught up on two nightmares when i’ve had a million realistic good dreams? which haven’t come true? why have i not given them the same thought treatment, same anticipation. some special intuition? - no.

because reading this over makes me think, either everyone else is like this and humans just search for patterns and get silly sometimes, or i have some weirdly manifesting form of anxiety that’s making me stressed that if i don’t take the right learning experience from my dream i’ll either be hated, in danger, or some other awful fate.

and that maybe, just maybe, my new years resolution of ‘express more kindness’ should also apply to myself. that just because i live a very lucky and fortunate life, doesn’t mean i can’t have a mental health issue. it doesn’t mean i’m not allowed to be sad, or paranoid, or scared, or stressed, or disappointed, or bored. because literally no one is telling me that but myself.

maybe if i was kinder to myself, i wouldn’t have spent half my year feeling awful.

or, to rephrase that, i’m going to spend 2024 being so kind, so genuine, to everyone including me. i’ll focus on appreciating my waking moments instead of stressing over my sleeping ones. i’ll feel more interesting than just a coincidental prophetic dream.

and along the way, i think the anxieties i feel will settle down into more healthy worries.

i’ll be able to let nightmares just be nightmares.

[awoogayanderes]

chapter five : a terrifying gaze

➪ sypnosis : luck is never on your side, and the doctor makes sure you know that

➪ other notes : FIRST SEMESTER IS FINALLY OVERRR, also i think most of my posts have been flopping which is kinda predictable since the bsd fandom is dying down

➪ warnings : physical violence, mori ‘affectionally’ calling reader “my dear”, kinda unhealthy thoughts at the end

➪ prologue | chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five

when you stir awake, you wish to hear the beautiful birds chirping with squirrels running around on trees. unfortunately all you get to hear is yelling outside with a fight breaking out, dogs barking aggressively, and a constant tap on the window from a tree branch you refuse to let mori cut off because its apart of a tree’s body that blooms with leaves.

you wish you could stay in your futon longer, but panic fills your mind when you realize that you left dazai in your kitchen alone last night. even though you didn’t know if he was there or not, what if the doctor was and he saw all the supplies you used up. brushing your teeth and switching into different clothes rapidly, you frantically run into the hallway.

you didn’t hear anyone, it was dead silent. maybe dazai did leave, and maybe mori still wasn’t home yet. instead, your heart drops as you enter the kitchen. dazai and mori sitting across each other at the table. you can’t help but let out a gasp, drawing the doctor’s attention. he turns around and you know what kind of expression he carries, you hate it.

“well it’s amazing that you’ve decided to join us my dear,” mori says, a fake smile on his face. you glance to the side, dazai had a deep scowl like he did last night. “i’ll um, i’ll make some breakfast,” you stutter nervously. “there’s no need, your guest is leaving,” the doctor says, emphasizing the ‘your’ before dazai gets up.

as he left the kitchen, he gives you a side glance with a small nod. what the hell was that supposed to mean ? you don’t have time to register your thoughts when mori’s chair is uncomfortably scooted back, sounding like a fork scraping against a plate. when you turn around, he’s already standing in front of you.

“is this what you’ve been doing when i’m not around ?” he asks, gripping your shoulders, keeping you in place. you can’t help but freeze as your body stiffens up. when no response is given, the doctor lets go. not until he raises the back of his right hand, clashing it with your face. it’s almost as if a pin dropped in silence.

the man who swore to protect you, merely a child whom used to walk barefoot on concrete with broken alcohol bottles, was the same man who physically hurt you. your hand instinctively goes up to your face, touching the stinging side. you feel angry, reasonably so, but there’s something different to this type of anger. something that the doctor too notices.

maybe it was the gaze you gave him, rather the way your eyes widened when looking at him. mori didn’t fear anything, but for the first time in many years, even before the war, he felt a shiver down his spine. thankfully for him, you hadn’t noticed his awkward shift, the cold steely gaze never removing itself from his own eyes. when nothing more is said, he takes a step forward, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“let that be the last time you let a man in here without my permission,” the doctor softly says, a contrast in his demeanor from a few minutes ago. you close your eyes as he leaves the kitchen, a choked out gasp for air is suddenly released. you hadn’t even noticed you weren’t breathing. you wouldn’t cry, you hadn’t cried in years why would you now ?

just because the one person you cared about seemed like he hated you ? no, that’d mean you’re weak, and you’re not. the doctor knows you’re not weak, that’s why he hit you. a mere lab experiment to test your grit, at least that’s what you tried to convince yourself of. looking around the kitchen, you noticed an iv needle on the floor, medical supplies scattered on the ground. what a wonderful day this will be.