#no one listens to music recommendations. maybe we like feeling like we found things on our own

[wekillitwithfire]

"like dying stars, we're reaching out" by Runner is something that can be so personal actually

[maxlarens]

saw that your requests are open! currently moving flats and cities and wow this is utterly exhausting and scary to do alone - would love to read a lil something with Lando where reader is moving and maybe it's pre relationship but they've known each other a long time and he somehow shows up to help reader out, in between races / on break whatever. Tysm!

omg good luck! genuinely moving is the worst and good on you for doing it all on your own that must be so difficult. i hope you enjoy this💝 i did it with best friend!reader, felt very perfect. and apparently i had some personal insecurities to address?

You’re starting to regret listening to Lando.

This isn’t a new feeling— you often regret listening to Lando. When he begs you to come out only to inevitably disappear with a girl. When he says that you look fine, only for you to look in a mirror and find your hair at weird angles or your makeup smudged. When he invites you to a race just for you to have to spend an awkward three hours around one of his flings; inevitably ending in disaster when he hops out of the car and hugs you first.

Lando’s not an idiot. Lando just doesn’t always know how to plan ahead.

Move to Monaco, he’d said. And you had. At the very least you’d had professional movers and your family then. It was hard work but you’d had help. Still, it had been such a nightmare that you’d sworn off moving again, deciding that the next time you did it’d be somewhere more permanent. That had been a nice dream— perhaps unattainable with Lando around.

It had been great, perfect even, or at least until Lando had found out about the vacant flat in his building. Then you’d been subject to a month of pointed sighs and wouldn’t it be awesome if we lived in the same building and we could work out at the same gym and we’d see each other all the time! Wouldn’t that be great?

You’d tried to tell him that you already see each other all the time, and if it really mattered to him you’d come all the way to his gym to work out. But Lando’s Lando and doesn’t know how to let a thing that he wants go. It quickly becomes a point of contention, a reason for him to whinge at dinner and direct his green puppy dog eyes at you. So, y’know, of course you fold.

Of course you do.

You don’t want him to feel unwanted. And you really do like the idea of living in the same building as him, even if moving is the last fucking thing you want to do.

You hire people to move the big things. The couch, the fridge, the bed. But you’re left with everything else and only your hatchback to move it with. You’ve collected truly an insurmountable amount of things— dishware, linens, random trinkets, clothes and books and decorative stuffed animals. You don’t realise how much it is until you’re packing it into cardboard boxes all on your own and nearly crying at how long it’s taking you.

By some cruel twist of fate there’s no one available to help you. All your friends in Monaco are Lando-adjacent, either his friends or people you’ve met through F1. You’ve got a few work buddies, but no one you feel like you can ask to give you a hand. Besides, Lando’s racing at Spa over the same weekend you’ve got to be out of your old flat— so you can’t rope him and his friends into your mess. Even Fewtrell, who would help, is on holiday.

By Monday morning you’re at your wits end. You’d slept on a thin little futon for three hours last night, and are up bubble wrapping dishes before the sun rises. You’ve got noise cancelling headphones on, blasting some house music playlist that Oscar had recommended you and you’re trying to be okay— trying to let the jumpy beat lift the panic in your heart. But you can feel yourself hiccuping, crying rather. You wipe salty tears off the bubble wrap to make sure the sticky tape stays.

It’s fine. You’re fine.

It’s just overwhelming. Doing this all alone, in Monaco, without your Mum, your Dad, without your best friend. It’s not anyone’s fault, not even Lando’s. Just you and this feeling of inadequacy that you harbour. This sense that you’re not grown up enough, that you’re not accomplished enough. Lando’s out there driving a Formula One car, flying in a private jet and partially running a business and you’re here crying over the amount of shit that you’ve accumulated.

It’s just—

You hear a faint thud, muffled by your headphones. Heart racing, thinking something might have fallen or broken, you rip them off and clamber up off the carpeted floor. You’re ready to run into the hallway, your bedroom, every room that’s still got things in it to find the inevitable wreckage.

But it’s just Lando—

Standing at your front door in an old t-shirt and shorts, with cardboard boxes tucked under his arm. He’s frowning at you. You’re not sure why until you remember that you’re still in yesterday’s clothes and there are dark circles carved out under your eyes. Tear tracks down your face as well, probably.

“What’s wrong?”

He drops the cardboard, it goes sliding onto the floor and he has to dodge out of its way as he steps towards you.

You shake your head, sniffing, “I’m fine, Lan.”

You don’t quite reject his attempt at a hug, just dodge it slightly. Force him to give you a one-armed, half-hearted thing, instead of the squeezing, reassuring hug you’re sure he meant to give you. He grumbles something into your hair that you can’t hear then says,

“Well, clearly you’re not fine.”

You sigh, push him away in your anger at yourself, “I’m fine, Lando. I just— I just can’t do anything on my own as per usual.”

You watch his shoulders drop, his eyebrows press into the bridge of his scarred nose, concern flooding his face. He shakes his head minutely, pink lips parting slightly.

“What are you saying?”

You shrug, looking away and feeling shame fill the cavity in your chest at your admittance of weakness, “You know what I’m saying.”

“That’s absolute shit and you know it,” he cuts back, “You’ve done all this by yourself haven’t you?”

He gestures around you and admittedly the room is rather empty of things. The whole flat in fact. You’ve got just the little things left pretty much, and a bunch of cardboard boxes that are ready to be ferried over to your new building. It’s not nothing that you’ve managed to do over the weekend. You sniff again.

“Don’t say that crap,” he manhandles you into a hug, winding an arm around the back of your shoulders, pulling you to him, “I’d have to pay movers a couple grand to move all my shit, you know that. I wouldn’t be able to get any of this done.”

“Yes you would,” you mutter into his chest, “You’re capable of things.”

He shakes you, just a little, like trying to knock some sense into you, like trying to make you hear your own words, “Okay. Then so are you.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, “I guess.”

After a moment, he brings a hand up to your face, uses his thumb to tenderly wipe the tears that pool in your tear duct. You don’t think anything of it then— but you do later—

When the sun is setting over the water and you and Lando are watching it and eating takeaway burgers on your new balcony, in your new flat, that has every single bit of your stuff in it. And you’re thinking about the feeling of pad of his finger on your cheek and how he’s just spent his first day of a very well-deserved summer break helping his friend move—

“Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for Ibiza?”, you cut him a bit of an admonishing look, and scold yourself for not remembering sooner, not urging him to go pack.

He shrugs, turning his green gaze to you, the light of the sunset making him glow, “‘S fine. I can join later.”

You bite your lip, resisting the urge to tell him to go start packing straight away. You won’t change his mind, once he’s got his heart set on something he doesn’t know how to let it go.

“Will you come with me?”, he asks suddenly eager, as your heart skips several beats, “I know you said you had this to deal with. But.”

“But?”

“But. I want you to come. It’ll be no fun without you.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Ibiza will be no fun without me?”

He nods, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

You’re going to say no. It’s on the tip of your tongue, on the verge of slipping out. You’ve got a million boxes to unpack, all your clothes are in suitcases, this is what your holiday leave is meant to be used for. Not the trip to Ibiza that you’d already said no to—

But, it’s Lando.

Of course you fold.

[crappymixtape]

sweet like summer

REQUEST → @palmtreesx3, SUMMER BLURB PARTY ❝ 💿 bff's to lovers maybe a little spicy – summer steve. summer steve! ( song x blurb with steve harrington x reader – this one is a lil fluffy, a lil flirty, a lil hot, roadtripping the west coast with stevie and stopping at a bar to dance after spending all day at the beach – recommended to listen to your song while reading! )

S W E E T L I K E S U M M E R SONG PICK -> 🎶 sunset girl, carpool tunnel

Your hair was still windswept, salt turned wavy and kissed by the sun and your sandals scratched in the sand under your feet on the dance floor. The west coast was unlike anything you’d ever seen, definitely nothing like Hawkins, and you wished you could bottle it up and bring it home with you.

It was all sunshine and surfer boys, shells and sea glass, gulls crying out over the crash of the waves and warm sand under your skin. California was your last stop, though Steve had teased about taking a detour through New Mexico on the way back, and you were trying to drink up every last little drop. You never wanted to leave.

You’d found the little hole in the wall taco joint on Trip Advisor and damn if the reviews weren’t right. It was some of the best food you’d ever had and Tuesdays had live music. There wasn’t a free table in the whole place and the dance floor was crowded, filled with people swaying along with the twangy riffs and reverbs coming from the surf rock band on stage.

Three margaritas deep, you could’ve sworn you were floating with the way your best friend held you close to his chest, Steve, Steve, Steve. One hand pressed wide and warm to your lower back and the other tangled up with yours. He hadn’t stopped grinning the second you got up from your table, but when the music slowed a bit it softened. Shifted smaller, unsure, a mixture of what if we mess this up and I've never wanted you more. He’d never looked at you like that before, but you found yourself lost in it as the lyrics wove through the space between you.

❝ WHAT D'YOU GOT GOING ON TONIGHT? I CAN TELL BY YOUR CURLY HAIR, WE'LL BE FADED OUT OF SIGHT.

Steve slowed, feet bumping into yours and a breathy laugh fell from your lips.

“Steve–”

He chuckled too, “Sorry.”

But then his eyes met yours, warm honey, burnt caramel, like swimming in a pool of liquid amber and it was like you couldn’t breathe. Your pulse fluttering against your neck and heart skipping in your chest.

Steve’s lips pulled up at the corner, shy, his fingers shifting over the thin fabric of your dress at your waist. He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, tongue chasing over his lower lip. “I really want to kiss you,” he murmured and your skin buzzed where his fingers pressed to you. Singing under his touch, more, more, more.

❝ CAN'T PUSH IT, IF I DARE. OH, MY GIRL, MY GIRL.

The band didn’t exist anymore and everyone else faded away, blurring and swept away by the feeling of Steve. You heard gulls and the soft wash of waves on the sand, saw the way Steve smiled at you as he pulled you into the surf with him.

“Wanna kiss you too,” you whispered back and it was like you’d redefined time. Seconds more like minutes or hours, stretching out as Steve leaned closer and closer.

The soft sweep of his lashes over the apples of his cheeks, the strong line of his jaw and the moles chasing down his neck, the perfectly messy brown locks of hair falling over his forehead and lips so soft, pressed to yours.

Tentative, slow, langid, curious, wanting.

❝ A GEM, SO PERFECT YOU SEE. A DREAM, SO RARE.

It was a little shy at first, but as soon as you’d tasted each other you knew you were done for, would never have enough, would always be left wanting more, more, more.

“More Steve,” you said into him and he swallowed your words, pulled soft, sweet sounds from you and nestled them deep between his ribs to bloom like wildflowers, a bright, warm thing he would cherish forever.

His fingers squeezed at your waist, pressing into the plush of your hip and pulling you into him so close you could smell the faded scent of his coconut sunscreen, cedar and leather from his aftershave this morning and the sweet, heady musk of sweat – beading along the hollow of his collarbone, the swell of your chest, the press of your bodies in the heat.

He nosed at your neck and you gave him more access, head tilting back lazy, drugged, drowning in Steve as he dragged kisses across your skin and the sounds that had started out soft and sweet shifted needy. A low whine that blew his pupils wide and when you carded your hands through his hair, tugged on the ends and made him see stars, he squeezed at your hand.

❝ I'D GO THE EXTRA MILE TO SEE HER AT MY DOOR ONCE MORE – SUNSET GIRL.

“Take me back to the room,” you whispered, lips brushing against the shell of his ear and it melted any reservations he had left.

“Mmhm,” was all he could manage.

His fingers tangled up with yours as he led you out of the restaurant, both of you laughing low under your breaths at how ridiculous you felt, at how desperate it was. He’d turn to catch you in a kiss at the crosswalks and you’d tug at his bottom lip, drive him crazy, pushing yourselves to the point you were practically running back to the hotel.

And when you finally fell in through the door at your room, fingers scrambling to tug your dress up over your head, throwing his shirt off to the floor, Steve made you fall apart again and again until long after the ocean swallowed the sun.

crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist ♥️ reblogs and comments keep me going, friends! ily! ♥️

[blackswan446]

partyisntover.

→ pairing: yan!kth x reader

→ "we could still dance"

→ wc: 1556

→ cws: drugging, kidnapping, slight sexual innuendos

→ notes: this is inspired by one of my favorite songs, specifically the first part "PartyIsntOver", it's by tyler, the creator, and i would recommend listening to (the whole song obviously cus its fire) but specifically PartyIsntOver before/while reading :) enjoy!

parties were like your safe space. it was a strange thing to say, but it was true. for some odd reason, you always felt more at home at a bustling party than your actual house. maybe it was something about the anonymity of parties, how for one night, you could become whoever you wanted, hide the vulnerable parts of yourself within the dim lights and use the alcohol as an excuse if things were to get out of hand.

or perhaps, you just liked the chaos. raised to be a good, studious girl, you didn't get out much for your entire childhood. everything was meticulous, planned out, by-the-book. there was no room for spontaneity, or a new adventure, or even a happy accident. it was nice for a while, having the assurance that nothing would ever go wrong, but after so many years of it, you grew sick of the blandness. it was then, you realized that describing your life as "calm" and "peaceful" was masking the sad reality of it: that your life was dull.

so, the second you left the house, (literally, the minute your parents drove away from your college), you went out and found something to do. that is, you walked into the first random celebration you happened upon while strolling, and you were hooked. now your life revolved around parties, and gatherings, and events, and any excuse to throw on a nice dress and do something fun with new people. and honestly? you wouldn't have it any other way. in a way, it felt as if your inner child was being healed, like you were finally fulfilling the dreams of a little girl who just wanted to have fun.

taehyung, on the other hand, hated parties. he despised the loud music, the drunk people and their sweaty bodies, thrashing around in a closed off space, forming a pit of body odor and bad decisions. not to mention the feeling of social inferiority that he felt when he was there, and the way he just stood around, drinking whatever poison was shoved into his hand by a drunk rando didn't help his case. yet he kept showing up, every single time, he always came back, for one reason.

you.

he couldn't explain it, but the two of you, you completed each other. the yin to his yang. and the two of you, together, would create the perfect balance that you needed, that he needed. hell, just looking at you, his heart was relieved of the negative emotions that came with the social ostracization. like the confidence and happiness that bloomed in your heart was sent to his, traveling by a long, invisible string connecting the two. he knew that it would take work, and the very type of meticulous planning that you grew to hate. he wasn't someone you'd even look at. but he had determination, a drive to achieve lifelong joy, the same type he felt whenever he looked at you.

of course, he had already started by removing the obvious disturbances to fate. he tore them up, burned some of them, dissolved others, and some of them he just buried. it didn't matter where they wound up, as long as they weren't stepping on the string, he didn't care. but they were all gone now, and he could undo the final loop, the one that stopped the string from drawing a straight line from you to him, the one that would finally make things so much clearer. of course, it was a little extreme, but taehyung always took precautions. he couldn't risk the string tangling up again, and how would that happen if there was nothing for it to get caught on?

spying you from across the packed room, you were holding a drink, in your element. somehow, the painful colored lights did wonders for you, the reds and blues giving your skin a purple hue. all he could do was look from the shadows, and wait to catch your eyes. and catch they did, as it was only a few minutes before they met, and with a smirk, approached you.

you could talk later, after all, you'd have all the time in the world to talk and get to know each other after tonight. for now, he just wanted to do what he had to do and get you both out of there. you smiled at him, giving him a shouted greeting. he smiled back and leaned down towards your ear. "the party isn't over yet. want to dance?" he offered, reaching out his hand to lead you to the dance floor.

you nodded, since it was too loud to give him an actual response, and took his hand. he smiled, and weaved through the mass of people holding you tight as he did so. you found yourself in a small corner of the dance floor, away from the large crowd of people in the center. you were surprised at him, since you had seen him around at a few parties, and never saw him dance or even talk to other people. but he wasted no time in grabbing your hips and swaying the both of you along with the music. not that you didn't appreciate his forwardness, you actually enjoyed it, and it didn't take long for you to follow his lead.

"good song, hm?" he asked, leaning down so far that his head was basically in the crook of your neck. you nodded shyly, the heat in your face hopefully being hidden by the colored lights. he gave a short, husky laugh in your ear, as his feet twisted up with yours. "sorry about that, i'm not the best dancer." he apologized. you smirked, turning around to face him. standing up to talk into his ear, you laughed back. "if you're such a bad dancer, then why am i out here with you?" you asked cheekily, smiling as you took a sip of your drink.

what a shame you were facing backwards that whole time. if you weren't, maybe you would've seen the little bag of white powder taehyung dumped into your drink. maybe you could've thrown out the drink, slapped him in the face, and gone home. what a damn shame.

he shrugged his shoulders. "you're taking a chance, i guess." he shouted back, grabbing your waist again and pulling you in closer to him. as your head hit his chest, you felt the room spin violently, too violently to match the level of alcohol you had drank that night. suddenly, the music felt too loud yet muffled and far away. the strobing lights were giving you a migraine, and your legs felt like wet spaghetti.

taehyung picked up on your weakness, right away, almost as if he were expecting it. "woah, okay. have a few too many, princess?" he joked, clasping his arms around you tighter. you shook your head, the idea of forming words and annunciating them too much for you to stomach. he laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "come on, you, let's get you out of here. come on." he told you, reaching his arm under your knees and scooping you off your legs, your drink falling from your limp hands and its contents spilling out onto the floor.

you tried to shake your head more, tell him you were okay, but your movement was too weak as everything in your line of vision began to bleed into one another. he laughed again, as he moved his way through the crowd, you heard the noise of the party fade away, the sound of his voice now amplified in your ears. it was only now that you could hear the darkness in his voice, finally being unveiled as the street lights shined above you.

"god, i can't wait to get you home. we're going to have some fun, aren't we?" he murmured, hands digging further into your legs as he struggled to open the door to his car. that was enough to send you into an adrenaline overdrive, shooting your head up as he laid you gently on the car seats. "huh?!" you sputtered, trying to grab for anything you could to fight back.

"i said, 'your night out is done'. you're drunk, sweetheart, you need to go to sleep, okay? just shut your eyes." he pleaded, standing in between your legs as he stroked your cheek softly. you shook your head, weakly, but you still did it, trying to kick your legs to get him away. he grabbed your calves, stilling the thrashing motions. "stop it. i need to bring you home." he growled, "i'm doing this because i love you."

you looked around helplessly as you struggled to comprehend what he said. "what?" you choked, as he shut the back door and got into the driver's seat. "nothing, princess. just go to sleep. it'll all be good when you wake up, okay?" he comforted, starting the ignition and driving away from the bustling house.

you could feel the strands of consciousness slip out of your hands, and felt yourself falling into the abyss of something deeper than sleep. the last remnants of a thought that you could piece together were ones of panic, and the last thing you could see as your eyes fell shut, was taehyung's glare in the rearview mirror.

[wings-of-ink]

I'm trying to make my own IF story, if it's ok to ask how'd you come up with the ideas? Or how'd you build off it to make a whole (beautiful and amazing) story?

I've had a few ideas but get caught up in trying to make everything in one section fit, and then I feel like I'm getting no where

if you have any tips Id love to hear (your game has become one of my favorites in the 24 hours it took to play ♥️)

Hello Nony! I am so glad you enjoy GC, and am happy to answer that question as best I can. I'm free-styling here, so this will be a bit long.

For me, most ideas just sort of spring up, but they aren't full ideas when they do. GC started from a thought about a cursed MC. That was it. I just dwelt on it and sort of answered questions about it - where did the curse come from, etc... It grew a lot from there as I tried to answer questions about it. The nature of those details gave me my fantasy setting, which I grew as well. I just started small and found a place for each layer that I needed to add to the structure. This can take quite a while depending on what you're cooking up. GC had months and months of building and background before I ever started writing the actual story.

In this poll, the IF idea I had for "Shivers" was literally inspired by my brother-in-law. He actually has that nervous tick, and he jokes about it, and we tease him (good-naturedly). He says that his future gravesite must be under a parking lot or a sidewalk because people keep walking on it, lol. It just made my imagination spin.

The "gritty drama" idea from this same poll stemmed from one of my OCs. I just made a setting for her and then thought of the type of world she lives in and what I could do with it.

Other ideas I have had came from thinking of a cool "scene" while listening to music. Music is a great medium for me to help me think about my characters especially. Just listen to your favorite tunes and let your brain go wild.

It just sort of also depends on how you think. There's nothing that says an idea just needs to come to you, you can set out to find one.

I would recommend focusing on themes and genres that you enjoy reading as well. I am a long-time fan of fantasy, I have written several fantasy stories in the past, and it just feels comfortable for me. You are more inclined to think of story ideas in the niches that you love the most.

One thing I would highly recommend for IF's especially is that you make sure the MC is the center/focus of your story. Some IFs can feel like the MC is a secondary character, and the story is really about the ROs. They can still be great stories, but your reader is often looking for a personal experience in addition to the story and romances.

And just an aside that I think is important, since in the IF communities you see themes repeated, especially popular ones. Do not worry about if your story is completely unique. As long as you do not pluck ideas and words directly from others, it's okay. In the literary and entertainment world, truly unique ideas are very rare if not non-existent, but your version of it has not been told before. You also don't need an earth-shattering idea to make it interesting.

I hope this helps you a bit. If you have more questions or comments about any of this, feel free to send in another ask. If you tell me more about your personal process and experience, maybe I can think of other things that would help if you like. ^_^

[eliotbaum]

Hi Eliot! First of all, I wanted to tell you I love your art so so much!! You inspire me so much as an artist and you and Viv are one of the main reasons I'm backing The Book of Devotion Kickstarter!

I am also a DnD player and I wanted to ask you, do you ever feel disconnected from your characters? I am currently playing a campaign set in Ravnica from Magic the Gathering and I absolutely love it (100% recommend as a setting as well) and I love my character Daphne, but for some reason the past few sessions I've been feeling very withdrawn and unhappy with my RP choices, I feel Daphne very far away from me If that makes sense? Have you ever experienced something similar? Would love to hear your thoughts on this!!

Thank you!!

Wah thank you so much!!! 🥺 it's SUCH a fun concept I hope you'll enjoy it! Oh man, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling disconnected. It's such a bummer when something that got us so immersed and invested feels more distant. I've only played one campaign with the same character, so I'm not sure if I can give the best advice here. But yes, I do know the unfortunate phenomena! I'm actually struggling with the same thing right now so maybe we can figure it out togethaa. I'll answer more in-depth under the cut but if anyone else has tips, do feel free to drop them.

So yes, this all sounds familiar. Recently I'm just "going through the motions" of playing a character, without being immersed in them. Even if we still very much enjoy everything about the character or the game. Personally, I tried to pinpoint where this could come from. Is it an ingame thing, or is it something outside? (stress kills my creative drive) Has this campaign been going on for a while, have there been any exciting things happening with Daphne? Have you had fun opportunities for her to shine, was there anything that moved you? Just throwing some questions out there to help the wheels turning. I think bringing this up with your group and DM is also worth considering. Being invested in roleplay and your character is such a major part of the game (to me!) and maybe there's something where everyone can help. Be that giving you opportunities for dramatic or heartfelt moments, or simply hyping each other and their characters up around the game, not even just during sessions. But, onto the actual things that have helped me: I found a song that feels very Kasper to me, and I always try and listen to it before a session to get back into my PC's mindset and get that special spark and feeling back. Deep immersion mode... I also find creating art or writing around the character also very rewarding and exciting. I often see folks write a diary in character, or simply write up how their character felt after a session. I did that for a while after work -- and rereading diary entries with some very dramatic sombre music in the background brought a bit of that connection back, haha. Rereading notes for next sessions, or old ones is also worth a shot. What's your character all about and what's important to them? In the same vein I like to indulge in some Imagining, Daydreaming of past and future RP moments that excite me. Of course, all while listening to dramatic music...

Anyway I hope either you did figure it out in the meantime, or this helps just a little. Wishing us all to have fun, be crazy for our little OCs and sharing exciting moments and stories with each other.

[breelandwalker]

How can you motivate yourself to practice? I'm so busy with work and other daily life things that I often don't have time, energy or motivation to practice, or I just forget. Time goes so fast these days and suddenly I've missed the last two sabbaths and full moon, then I get bad conscience and feel like I'm a "bad" or "failed" witch. (I struggle a lot with self deprecation in general with my mental health) Do you have any tips on how I can motivate myself to practice more?

Oof, I hear you. We all have the best of intentions when it comes to keeping up with our practice and making progress on our goals and projects, but damnit, Real Life just keeps on getting in the way.

Ideally, we'd all be able to keep perfect track of the occasions we wish to celebrate and the cycles of the moon AND have time and energy to devote to our practices on top of taking care of silly things like jobs and families and social lives and household management. Ideally, we'd be well-read, well-rested, well-organized, and perfectly in command of our faculties.

It's nice to dream, isn't it?

In reality, we're all doing the best we can and despite our best efforts, we miss holidays and moon dates and gatherings and go weeks or months without having time to sit down and actively work on our craft. And that is OKAY. None of it means we're bad people or failed witches. It just means we're human beings with human lives and human limitations. We can only do so much with 24 hours in a day.

The nice thing is that the craft meets us where we are, and if that means waiting a while, it's got a loooong shelf life. Besides that, practicing witchcraft isn't JUST performing rituals and casting spells and lighting up the altar. It's research and rest and reflection too.

In my practice, I've found that doing small things as part of my daily routine and larger things when I have time really helps. For instance, stirring a blessing into my morning drink, or setting my wards when I lock the front door, or wearing a charmed piece of jewelry. I do my best to keep track of the moons using reminders and a planner so I can put my jars out, but I forget sometimes. It's annoying, but there's always another one coming. And I find ways to make things I'm already doing magical as well, like cleansing my home when I clean or take out the garbage or reconnecting with the land I live on while doing yard work.

And when all else fails, I take a break and go back to the things that inspire me. I work on crafts. I journal. I try something new. I listen to music and watch movies and maybe re-read some things, and I give myself a little grace. (I've run myself into a full burnout before by ignoring my limits before. I don't recommend it.) Then when I have the time and energy, I get back to work.

Here are some posts that might help:

My Intuitive Spark Feels Low - How Do I Get It Back?

I’m In A Slump - How Do I Get Out Of It?

I’ve Reached A Stopping Point - What Do I Do Next?

How Do I Know When I’m Ready For The Next Step In My Practice?

Witchcraft Exercise - Quantifying Your Craft

Witchcraft Exercise - The Book of Lessons

Witchcraft Exercise - Witchy Inspo Journal

Witchcraft Exercise - Music To Witch By

I also discussed the topic on two episodes of my podcast:

Hex Positive, Ep. 027 - When Inspo Takes A Holiday (March 2022)

Hex Positive, Ep. 033 - Touch Grass (April 2023)

Hope this helps! 😊

[sugarandspiceandeverythingelse]

Ryu Si-Oh/Kang Nam-Soon one-shot

Background: I'm working on a sort-of alternate universe series for Strong Girl Nam-Soon; where the main couple is Ryu Si-Oh and Kang Nam-Soon. For some reason, it's harder for me to start at the beginning and write chronologically so until I figure out how I want things to begin in this AU, I'll just post the cute/fluffy one-shots that pop into my head.

Prompt: Ryu Si-Oh takes Kang Nam-Soon on a date… but she doesn’t realize it’s a date of course.

Nam-Soon uneasily glanced around the dimly lit restaurant, fingering the lining of her well-worn skirt. The restaurant was spacious enough to seat several tables with room to spare, but the shadows, spacing, and building architecture still made it feel cozy somehow. Several windows were slightly opened to allow a gentle breeze that was cool but not chilly, and soft jazz music enveloped their table from all sides. She wasn’t dressed poorly, but certainly not fancy enough for a place like this. She’d tried to protest when the company car had pulled up to the entrance, already clocking how high class it was but Si-Oh insisted that what she wore was perfectly acceptable.

All this for a work dinner, she thought with exasperation. Si-Oh must really want that steak he mentioned on the way here. When she looked at the menu, she was simply overwhelmed by the options listed in gleaming gold font - and the prices.

She must have made a face because Si-Oh asked “Is something wrong?” The man had a way of pinning down exactly what she was feeling, and he seemed just a bit tense at her silence since they sat down.

She shook her head immediately in response, but also rolled her lips in a pensive expression. She decided to go with a half-truth. “There are so many options… I’m just not sure what I would like.”

So-Oh’s semi-concern melted away at that. “Ah, would you like me to make some recommendations?”

“Yes, if you wouldn’t mind.” She sighed in relief, handing the menu to him gratefully.

He scanned it briefly before asking a few exploratory questions - Did she like pasta? What was her favorite meat? Did she prefer soup or salad? Umami or spicy flavor profiles? Once she had answered all food-related inquiries, he made a few suggestions for an appetizer, entree, sides, and desserts, to which she readily agreed.

Once the waiter - who had seemingly materialized out of nowhere - had taken their order and left them to have some privacy, Si-Oh leaned in and fixed his unwavering gaze on her.

She found it slightly more difficult to swallow.

“Tell me about yourself. How are you…” he paused heavily. “… the way that you are?”

Nam-Soon heaved a sigh and leaned her elbow on the table, resting her chin on the open palm of her hand.

“I wish I had an interesting story to tell you, truly. Maybe something with radioactive spiders or laboratory experiments-“ Si-Oh’s shoulders twitched at that; Nam-Soon didn’t notice. ”-but I’m just me. I’ve always been like this, at least as far back as I can remember. Which is around 6 years old. That’s when my parents found me.”

“Found you?” Si-Oh asking curiously.

“Mm.” She nodded. Nam-soon stared at him for a bit longer and Si-Oh waited, obviously expecting her to continue. She still didn’t really know how to talk about this with people she didn’t know well just yet. But she found it easier to just rip the band-aid off and put it out there. “I was found wandering in the Mongolian plains when I was 6 years old, by my mom and dad. They didn’t know who I was or where I came from, and they didn’t speak Korean so it was … a while before we were able to really communicate.”

Si-Oh was listening intently, thoughtfully absorbing everything she said. It struck him viscerally how frightening that must have been and how truly awful it could have ended for her. After all, he knew better than most what kind of people could benefit from coming across an unchaperoned child.

“Your … mom and dad”, he said haltingly, wanting to mirror the language Nam-Soon used to talk about the parents she so obviously adored. “Did they go to the police? Or any state officials?”

“Oh yes,” Nam-Soon rushed to explain on her parents' behalf. “It was more than a day's ride between where they found me and anyone who may have access to information on missing children but my dad made the trip as soon as I was settled. He stayed in town for three days talking to the police and anyone else he could get a hold of, but there was nothing. There was no report, nobody looking for their missing daughter, no one new in the area, nothing. On the fourth day, he gave the police pictures of me and his contact information and came home. They didn’t hear from anyone for weeks, and after making several calls and sending messages that went unanswered for months, they eventually stopped trying. And I can’t blame them for that, really.” She smiled warmly, cheeks flushing a pretty pink, and Si-Oh felt a frisson of electricity streak up his spine at the tender look that crossed her face. “Perhaps I would feel differently if they treated me poorly or if I felt like I was missing out, but I didn’t - I was happy. They treated me as their own and after a while, well, honestly I was theirs. And they were mine.”

Nam-Soon pictured her mom and dad's faces, warmed by the sun, wrinkled with age and laughter. “When I got old enough to get curious about it, they asked me if I wanted them to go looking again. But I said no.” Si-Oh was surprised at that and said as much.

Nam-Soon shrugged her shoulders in response. “I won’t lie and say I didn’t think about it at all, but I was content with the way my life was. I had loving parents, a close community, and good friends. I was afraid that if I did find something, then it would change everything; I would be completely uprooted from my home. And if I found nothing, I might be terribly disappointed that no one had been looking for me, that I hadn’t been missed for nearly an entire decade. So I chose not to. And I haven’t regretted it since.” Nam-Soon declared brightly, nodding in satisfaction with her own logic. "After all, you can't change what's happened in the past. You can only move forward, with purpose."

Si-Oh should have been frustrated at this information; should have been annoyed that the secret to her strength couldn’t be sniffed out easily, but instead, he found himself wanting to know more about her, about her life and her thoughts.

“How was it, then, growing up in Mongolia?” Nam-Soon glowed with pride as she began to talk of her hometown and the people there. And Si-Oh, who had intended to use this dinner as an opportunity to gain more insight into her abilities … was utterly captivated by stories of her childhood.

He barely noticed when the server arrived at their table with their food.

Once their server had once again departed, Nam-Soon took the opportunity to give as good as she got.

“I feel like I’ve been talking about myself the whole time, why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

Si-Oh picked up his silverware and began to cut into his steak as he tried to think of an answer that would both satisfy her curiosity and not be an outright lie.

“There’s not much to know about me-“, he began. Nam-Soon’s eyebrows jumped up in incredulity. “I had a normal childhood. I knew from the time I was young that I would go into business, and so every decision I made was to serve that purpose.” He took a bite of bloody steak before glancing at Nam-Soon and paused as he saw her facial expression.

She was staring at him with a tiny wrinkle forming between her brows. Her hands were still at either side of her plate, utensils at the ready.

“That’s … all?” Her voice was soft and low. He enjoyed the sound of it.

He gave a small chuckle before asking, “What else is there?” An emotion he couldn’t label streaked across her face, and she looked down quickly to work at cutting her fish fillet. She took a bite and seemed to be mulling something over as she chewed. When she had finished she looked into his eyes and asked, “Do you do anything outside of work? Have any hobbies?”

He didn't have to think to answer this one. "I work out a lot; I attend many classes that cover several fighting styles, from boxing to Taekwondo. If I'm not working on company business, I'm probably fighting. And if I'm not fighting," his voice deepened as a subtle twist of his mouth, barely noticeable, betrayed a sneer of contempt. "I'm probably asleep ... or dead." In that moment, his expression was as cold and cutting as a bitter winter wind. Nam-Soon was completely taken aback by the barely concealed resentment that seemed to ooze off him like a miasma.

As she had done many times in her life, Nam-Soon spoke before she could think not to.

"That sounds ... really unfulfilling." She wished she could snatch the words back as soon as they tripped from her tongue, but it was too late to backtrack, so she held his gaze and waited for his response.

His reaction was ... surprising, to say the least. The laughter that catapulted from the back of his throat was loud enough to startle the people at two tables near them, as Si-Oh shook his head in confoundment. Nam-Soon bit her lip in consternation.

As his laughter quieted, he reached for his wine, taking a sip of the maroon liquid before locking his dark gaze with hers once again.

"You're honest to a fault, Kang Nam-Soon. I like that about you. I've been around too many liars for far too long." His words were light and unbothered, but she swore she could lighting crackling through the iris of his eyes.

"I don't mean to be insulting," she said sheepishly. "Sometimes I just speak before I can filter. Gets me into trouble sometimes."

Si-Oh shook his head, waving off her unspoken apology. "I'd rather someone be honest and insulting, than dishonest and flattering. Fake compliments, fake smiles, empty promises ... they can be found everywhere in this industry. It's how you do business and learn the trade, climbing off the backs of others that put you there. Eventually, you get so far removed from the people you struggled with at the bottom that you forget the mask you created is for your own protection, as much as theirs. Anyone can tell an easy lie with a smile. It takes real integrity," he lifted his wine glass towards Nam-Soon, tipping it in her direction as some would a toast, "to tell an uncomfortable truth with a straight face."

Nam-Soon felt oddly warmed by his praise and ducked her head in shyness, tucking her hair behind her ear. Another thought occurred to her and she glanced up at Si-Oh, not surprised to find his eyes still trained on her with laser-pointed focus. She was beginning to recognize how the weight of his gaze felt when he was watching her, without seeing him do so. He made her feel examined, and pinned into place, like a butterfly on display in a glass case.

She leaned in closer, emulating the same posture he presented when he wished to convey sincerity.

"When you speak ... it sounds as if you have a feeling of disdain towards the work that you do. So, why do it?"

His head cocked to the side. "Do you only do things that you enjoy? That bring you happiness?"

She smiled and huffed a breath in humor, "No, of course not. I'd lead a pretty privileged life if I only did the things I thought sounded fun. But generally, I do try to avoid things that I think will make me miserable in the long run. I try to make decisions that will put me in a comfortable position. And with the way you talk ..." She trailed off, not wanting to be more blunt than she already had been.

But Si-Oh took it all in stride. He leaned his body backward into his chair, nodding his head in a contemplative manner before leveling her with a frank expression of discernment. "And you don't think that's a privileged position? To be comfortable?"

Her first instinct was to push back against that assertion, to argue that being comfortable was a natural state of being. But the words wouldn't come out, and the longer she thought on it, the more she realized he was right. Some people had no choice but to be uncomfortable, usually by circumstances beyond their own control.

Si-Oh watched the emotions play across her face like an open book. And felt stimulated in a way he hadn't experienced in years.

Eventually, she nodded in his direction, saying only "I concede your point", in response to his question.

Her surrender thrilled him, satisfaction blanketing his body like a warm shawl. So clever. So honest. She was even more mesmerizing to him now than when he had first seen her at the warehouse, leaping into action like an angel of heaven.

The ravenous beast inside him growled in hunger. Miserable bastard that he was, he wanted her. And he would find a way to have her.

[khaire-traveler]

Hi! Sorry to bother you, you can delete this ask if it will overwhelming somehow.

How do I become a good follower? Whenever I see posts about paganism and/or polytheism on the internet, it's people talking about receiving signs, how their Deities talked to them, how they feel them, and I don't get any of that and it makes me feel really bad.

Maybe there are some kind of exercises or something else to experience what all other people do? Do you have any advice?

Thank you, if you will answer this ask.

Hey, Nonny, thank you for your patience!

Most of the time, people on the Internet are exaggerating or wording things in a very casual way (when in reality, it looked a lot different or took a lot more work to figure out). Honestly, the best thing you can do for yourself - as a follower or even as a person - is try not to compare yourself to others. Practices vary wildly from each other, and what works for one person may not actually work for you anyway. Maybe your happiness will be found through other means.

Nonny, you're not doing anything wrong by not receiving/interpreting signs or whatnot. You're not a bad follower for not catching onto such things. I'm certain your deities wouldn't dislike you over something like that. It's also likely that they do send you signs, but you aren't used to interpreting them yet. Or maybe they're waiting for you to ask for signs! You're more than welcome to simply ask directly. I promise they're not as scary as some people make them out to be.

As for things you can do to practice, I'm honestly not sure. I'll try to provide some suggestions anyway, though. You could try deity meditations where you focus on the thought of a deity for awhile, maybe listening to peaceful music that reminds you of them. You could try identifying the "energy" of offerings you've given them, as those are likely to have the deity's energy on them. You could light a candle in honor of that deity and ask for them to increase the strength of their energy/presence while closing your eyes and attempting to focus on it. I'd recommend looking at my pinned post in the Deities & Entities section. I have a lot of more useful information there, most likely.

But I'll be honest and say that sometimes people are just headblind - meaning you can't really feel anything spiritually at all. There's nothing wrong with it if you are. I'm not saying that's an issue for you, by the way, but I think it's important to acknowledge the possibility.

I do also want to say that "talking with deities" is a very common thing I see on sites like TikTok, though, and I strongly advise you to 1. not listen to a damn thing you see on TikTok and 2. be extremely skeptical of the experiences people are willing to share online. Oftentimes, and I hate to say it, people tend to post such things for the attention they get. Either that, or when they say they "talked" to a deity, they really mean that they sat down and did divination or had a meditation. I say these things to make it clear that many of the things you'll see online are not 100% true to the way it actually happened. Sometimes people just make shit up, too; I see that happening constantly, especially on PaganTok and WitchTok. I cannot stress enough that you don't go there for genuine information. In fact, I highly recommend trying to read books on such topics rather than Google them or read about them online; that's where you'll find the best information!

But yeah, this is what I have to say: deities love us for who we are, not for someone we wish we were. They love us for the person we actually are, and in my experience, they enjoy it when we are ourselves in our worship. They tend to support authenticity. Instead of trying to be someone else, focus on who you already are, and the many strengths and talents that you may not even be aware of yet. Maybe you're amazing at different types of divination! Maybe you're fantastic at dream interpretation! May you're a wiz at bird identification (something I see a lot for deity signs)! Focus on learning more about yourself and less about others. You are talented, worthy, and powerful in your own way. And it's a beautiful thing to be you, to be who you are.

I hope this helped, Nonny! Please take care, and I wish you the best on your newfound journey. Have a good day/night. 🧡

[piss-stained-jorts]

RIGHT

-claps hands-

some of you are new to this despair. it ain't fun. as someone who is no stranger to hopelessness, despair, fatalism, misanthropy, and an undying bitterness, I'll give it a go trying to offer some semblance of help. my soul has been a strange kind of melancholy for over 15 years. I experience a few seconds of true happiness once every few months. and yet, here I stand. I think it'd be better if the whole world burned, but I ain't holding a match. point is, it's entirely possible to keep going, even in this state.

even in saying this, I have my doubts it'll do anything positive at all. I'm doing it anyway. I do it with the same defeatism I experience when I go to vote in a deep South red state. a single drop of blue dye in a sea of red blood. I know, objectively, that nothing will come of my actions. I do it anyway. for selfish reasons, I do it anyway.

I'm not here to help you out of it. I'm gonna offer some advice on living on inside it. I don't know how to get out of it yet, either. I'm working on that. again, maybe it helps, maybe it does nothing. here we go.

I recommend booking a therapy appointment. this is my biggest, most helpful advice TBH. I didn't go for a long time. didn't think i could afford it. turns out, there's secret little things in the world to help you afford it. me, I went to healthcare.gov, found some cheap ass insurance, and now I'm in therapy for severe mental health issues. I'm getting a second therapist, too. there's some deeeeep rooted shit in me. there's very likely deep rooted shit in you, too, and it's a great time to find someone who can help dig it out. ain't a cure all, and you'll have to see it as a conversation instead of someone coming and fixing you. they aren't a knight in shining armor with all the answers, but two heads are better than one.

I also recommend poetry. not just reading it, but writing it. the angrier and sadder the better. every raw, honest feeling. do not judge whatever comes out. don't worry about structure. don't worry about making it readable. make vent art, too.

I recommend familiar, comforting foods. things that remind you of those pockets in time when you were warm and safe. old foods, old games, old imaginary friends. yes, the imaginary friend thing extends to grown ups. a positive voice that is only ever kind and loving to you, no matter what. it's your own voice echoed back, after all.

I recommend caring about people. it helps to keep you in this world if you have someone else in it you love so, so fucking much.

I recommend bitching. bitch about your feelings and the world and the state of things with someone who also wants to bitch.

I recommend sad, angry, bitter, hopeless songs, under the caveat that it won't make you want to kill yourself. if listening to sad music makes you wanna die more, do not do this. me, I find songs about dying and being miserable comforting because I feel seen and understood in a way I feel I have been failed. maybe that's not how your brain works, though. just be safe and don't die.

under no circumstances kill yourself. you don't want to die. your brain is coping and trying to take back a sense of control when you feel powerless, and that's the solution it can think of because it's straightforward. do not do this.

if a sense of hope does come, don't push it away. if it leaves quickly, breathe and enjoy the few seconds you have with it. don't berate yourself if you don't feel the way you "should." there is no should or should not with emotions or the lack of them.

I recommend finding something to do, or something to put off. me, I keep saying I'll write a book, make a game, do all sorts of things. maybe I will, maybe I won't. it's something to do or say I'll do in the future. a sense of purpose. even if I never do it, it's still there.

learn to see the worth in both the retching pain and the numbness. when I am overcome with despair and anguish, I find the worth in that I'm still able to care that much, that I have a consistent muse for my work, and that crying is cathartic. when I'm numb, I find worth in the cool, calm gray color that mutes my existence, and the lack of pain makes the boredom a welcome respite. it still blows, and I'd trade it for joy and hope any day of the week, but the joy machine doesn't work anymore. working on that one.

listen. listen. I don't know what the fuck the future holds. pithy statements of hope don't help me, so I won't give them to you. be there for your friends, be there for yourself, give space to your feelings. I know. I know these new feelings are scary. you've never felt them like this before. you're new to this, I know you are. I promise you, you can keep living. I promise you, it's possible to find little joys, even here in the nightmare. I know the feeling of drowning in the ocean with hardly a sail to keep you is scary. I know from lived experience that it's possible for it to become bearable. I still believe, though I'm not there yet, that it's possible to leave this dark forest. I am bitter and resentful and I feel cheated and I don't think feeling any of this makes anyone a bad person.

it hurts so much, I know. I know it hurts. I know words can't make it all better. this world we live in is not what it should be. you are so cherished.

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

Break First (1/1)

I know I owe you guys chapters on “Hell Hath No Fury” and “It Started With a Kiss.” Trust me, I know. And I would love to be writing them for you. However, as I was listening to some music, minding my own business, this idea hit me BAM! Like lightning. And now instead of writing the fics I’ve already got going, I’m writing this one-shot to get it out of my head so I can get back to my regular scheduled fic writing.

This fic takes place after “The Limey” in season 4. The fic is inspired by the song “Break First” by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. If you look it up to watch on YouTube, I recommend watching one of the versions from their live concert because their chemistry together is unreal. The words will appear in the fic, so it’s not completely necessary to look up the song…but you won’t regret it if you do. You’ll get more emotion behind the words if you listen to them with the music as opposed to if you just read them.

I do not own the song “Break First,” nor do I own Castle.

xxxxx

Standing at the bar tryin’ to get a drink

Got one I haven’t touched at the table

Somebody said you’re here, but I ain’t gonna leave

Maybe I’ll just act like you’re a stranger

Kate was sitting at the airport bar next to the handsome Scotland Yard Detective Inspector, nursing her glass of whiskey…whiskey, because after the day–well, few days–she’d had, there was no way she could settle for beer or even wine, and her only answer when Colin had asked what she wanted had been to say whatever he was drinking.

There was nothing particularly wrong with Colin. He was ridiculously handsome, sexy even…she’d snuck a peek at his body when his towel had dropped. He definitely checked off all the boxes from a physical standpoint. He was interesting enough, and even if he wasn’t, he had an accent that automatically made everything he said more interesting simply because of how it sounded coming out of his mouth. They even had things in common professionally.

So no…Colin wasn’t a bad date. But she found herself doing her best to feign interest as he talked, as her mind kept wandering. She kept replaying how Castle had pulled up to her crime scene in his Ferrari with that blonde floozy, and much as it had that night, she felt her heart clench and a sinking feeling in her gut. Lanie’s voice echoed in her head–Like you waited too long. She took a drink of her whiskey at that thought.

As if on cue, she spotted him…no, them taking an empty table across the bar. Jacinda. She was pressed against his side like she was glued there, and Kate guessed she may as well have been with the way Castle’s hand was around her waist, holding her against him. And then her damn eagle eye spotted the blonde’s hand running up along his inner thigh; a wave of jealousy,

anger, and hurt rolled through her body, and she felt almost sick…definitely like she’d just been sucker punched.

Do you know how hard it is, tryin’ to hold a conversation

Knowing you’re right there across the room

So I don’t hear a word that they’re sayin’

No I don’t hear a word that they’re sayin’

“I’m sorry, Kate; I’m boring you,” Colin apologized, realizing he’d lost her attention.

“What? No…no, you aren’t boring me,” she tore her eyes away from the scene that was breaking her heart as she finished the alcohol in her glass and ordered another. “I’m sorry, it’s just been a long few days,” she apologized, turning to face the bar in front of her completely so she no longer had to watch Castle get a handjob from his latest squeeze underneath his table.

Colin studied her a moment before turning to look in the direction she’d been staring daggers at moments ago. Seeing Castle and a blonde woman, he turned back to her. “Must be hard working with your ex. How long ago did you break up?”

“We didn’t break up.” Seeing his confused look, she continued. “He’s not my ex,” Kate told him simply.

“Really? I could have sworn you two…”

“No,” Kate interrupted him. “Castle and I have never dated,” she exaggerated her annunciation of the word dated as the bartender placed a fresh glass in front of her, and she took a drink.

“Ah,” Colin nodded his understanding then. “But there’s something there?”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I thought so.”

“But you don’t think so anymore?”

Kate offered a half-shrug and took another sip of her drink, letting the burn of the alcohol take the edge off the sting of it all. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who’s gonna walk up and say “Hi”

Then lean in a little too close to whose lips

Say “What the hell are we doin'?”

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Castle had spotted her almost as soon as he’d entered the bar with Jacinda. He was a writer…he paid attention to the details. Even with the uncomplicated distraction of the attractive woman on his arm, there was no way he wouldn’t spot Kate. Unfortunately, he also spotted him. Of course, she was there with Scotland Yard. Just one more guy she could add to the list of men she dated. It seemed like she was willing to date anyone but him…almost as though the first criteria a man had to meet to score a date with Kate Beckett was to simply not be Richard Castle.

He watched as the other man placed his hand on her arm, earning a small smile from her in return. The Englishman stood from his seat at the bar then, and Castle was relieved it seemed like he was leaving. Only then he leaned in and placed a kiss on Beckett’s cheek, and Castle saw red. He immediately slid the hand that had been on Jacinda’s waist down to her ass, leaning in to whisper into her ear with a smile, his lips grazing the skin of her neck.

I’m dancing with a girl, got my eyes closed

Actin’ like I’m lost in the music

All I’m thinkin’ ‘bout is holdin’ you close

I don’t know how much longer I can do this

When he pulled back slightly from Jacinda and braved a glace in Kate’s direction, he was pleased to find that Scotland Yard was gone. He’d probably had to catch his flight. But Kate was still there, drinking alone now. Part of him wondered if she’d noticed him come into the bar with Jacinda. Part of him hoped she had, wanted her to see the way the blonde woman wanted him, touched him. Part of him wanted her to know that he didn’t need her.

Only…he did. Because while the flight attendant was attractive and fun and uncomplicated, she just…wasn’t Kate. She wasn’t as beautiful as Kate. She wasn’t as witty as Kate. She didn’t smile or laugh like Kate. She definitely wasn’t as brilliant or as intelligent as Kate. Her eyes weren’t the right shade…her hair wasn’t the right color. He hated himself but he still wanted her…he still wanted Kate. Jacinda was nothing more than a blonde distraction, the same way Gina had been.

He closed his eyes, letting his mind play tricks on him, letting his mind convince him that it was Kate he had his arm around; it was Kate who had her body pressed up against his, whispering seductively into his ear; it was Kate’s hand on his thigh. For as long as he kept his eyes closed, it worked. As long as he kept his eyes closed, he could pretend that she loved him too, that she was with him…finally. Kate... But when he opened his eyes, it wasn't Kate’s hazel eyes looking back at him.

Do you know how hard it is, bein’ in this situation?

Knowing you were everything

And now havin’ to act like we’re nothing

And pretendin’ that I don’t still love you

“Who’s Kate?”

Castle froze. Shit. He hadn’t realized he’d said her name out loud, but obviously he had. “She’s nobody. Just…a character in a chapter of a book I’m writing,” he tried to cover. “I was trying to figure out how to say goodbye to her. Her chapter in my book is over.”

Jacinda wasn’t as quick or as brilliant as Kate, but she wasn’t completely dumb either. “Sounds more like an old girlfriend to me,” she stated, pulling back from him slightly.

“Well, she’s not,” he shrugged. “In fact, I can promise you that she is not now, nor has she ever been, my girlfriend.” That part was painfully true, unfortunately.

“I’ve got to go, Ricky. My flight is boarding soon,” she told him, slipping out of his grasp.

“Jacinda, wait…”

She paused and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss. “When you finish working out whatever is going on with whoever Kate is, give me a call,” she told him, offering him a small smile before exiting the bar.

Castle sighed deeply. Damn it. He hadn’t ordered a drink when they’d entered because he was being nice about the fact that Jacinda couldn’t have one right before she went on duty. But now he definitely needed a drink. Only he couldn’t go up to the bar because Kate was still sitting there.

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who's gonna walk up and say “Hi”

Then lean in a little too close to whose lips

Say “What the hell are we doin’?”

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Kate noticed the blonde leaving the bar out of the corner of her eye. She decided she had enough of this…whatever this was. Tossing back what was left of her whiskey, she placed her glass on the counter and slid out of the chair. She wasn’t drunk by any means…no, Kate Beckett could hold her liquor. But her filter was no longer operational after 3 glasses of whiskey. She marched right over to his table. She didn’t bother with pleasantries, she cut right to the chase. “What the hell are you doing?”

His eyes narrowed at her. “What the hell am I doing? What the hell are you doing? I thought you said Scotland Yard…”

“His name is Colin,” Kate interrupted him angrily.

“Fine…I thought that Colin was flying back to London,” he countered, his own anger flaring.

“He did.”

“His departure for London obviously made him irresistible to you. Can’t get much more one foot out the door than a relationship with a man who is a 7-hour flight away from you,” he stated.

“Why do you care? Didn’t you have a date with Jacinda?” she practically spat her name.

“Jealous?” he smirked smugly.

“Of your flight attendant floozy? Please,” she snorted. But oh…she was jealous. Jealous of the way Castle looked at her. Jealous of the way Castle talked about her. Jealous of the way he so easily handed the keys to his Ferrari…his Ferrari…to her. Jealous of the fact that Jacinda had driven his Ferrari more in 3 days than she had in 3 years.

“You sound jealous.”

Kate clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes. “I’m not jealous. If you want to fuck your way through Delta’s entire fleet of flight attendants, be my guest. Just keep them the hell away from my crime scenes, and the hell away from my investigations,” she growled.

“Because you never mix business with pleasure,” he commented sarcastically.

“Excuse me?”

“Sorenson…you kissed him at the house of the kidnapped girl. Demming…you kissed him in the precinct, slept with him while you were working together too. Josh…paraded him around the precinct and couldn’t keep your hands off him. Now Colin. Only a matter of time before you sleep with him too…assuming you haven’t already. And those are just the ones I know about,” he said lowly.

She swallowed hard, her hands clenching into fists as her anger flared. They were standing almost toe to toe now, staring each other down…no, more like glaring at each other. Her eyes were getting watery, and she hated, hated the fact that when she got this angry the tears came without her permission and were completely out of her control. “You’re a jackass,” she hissed lowly.

“You’re a coward and a liar,” he growled, trying to mask his hurt behind the venom in his tone.

Who’s gonna say, “What were we thinkin’?

Who’s gonna cut right through the tension?

Who’s gonna admit that they miss who worse?

Who’s gonna tell who how bad it hurts?

His words felt like a slap in the face, made her heart feel like it were being ripped apart by that bullet all over again. For a moment, she found herself wishing it had been a bullet ripping through her heart again; at least a bullet’s damage could be repaired easily by a doctor. The damage his words were causing, however, would require much more than the skilled hands of a surgeon.

Their eyes never left each other as they remained in their glare-down, standing so close they were invading each other’s personal space, neither one willing to back down. It wasn’t until she felt a couple of rogue tears slipping down her cheeks that she was finally the one to break first. “What the hell are we doing?” The words were soft when they fell from her lips, and she couldn’t hide the hurt in them. “What did I do to make you hate me?”

He simply stared hard at her for a moment before his eyes finally softened just slightly. “I don’t hate you.” He didn’t hate her. He could never hate her. But he did want to hurt her, inflict some pain the way she’d hurt him.

“Really? Because from where I’m sitting, it sure as hell feels like you do,” she wiped her cheeks. “I miss my partner…I miss my friend…I miss…you. So please…just…tell me what I did. Because this…” she gestured between them, “this hurts.”

“You want to talk about hurt?” he started. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to find out everything you believed in for almost a year, hoped for, were working toward for so long is nothing more than a lie from a coward too afraid to just come out and tell you it was never gonna happen?”

She shook her head. “Castle, what are you talking about?” She genuinely had no idea where all of this was coming from.

“I heard you,” he finally stated lowly.

“You heard me?” she shook her head, still not following.

He just stared at her. Did she really not know? “In interrogation. With the bombing suspect.”

She stared back at him, trying to put the pieces together. And then it clicked. Oh shit. “Castle…” she started. “It’s not what you think.”

“It’s not what I think?! Kate, you lied to me��this whole time you knew, you knew how I felt about you. And you said nothing!” he said lowly, the anger overruling the hurt in his tone at the moment. “And what’s worse…you made me think there was something between us, something worth waiting for. But the whole time…everything…it was all just a damn lie.”

That’s what all this was about. He’d been waiting for her…and now he thought there was nothing worth waiting for. “Castle, please…just…just let me explain…”

“Explain what, Kate? That instead of just telling me the truth you would rather lie? That you would rather just string me along for God knows what reason instead of just putting me out of my misery? That you would rather be in a relationship with literally anyone but me?”

“Castle, that’s not it!” she tried.

“I’m so tired of this dance, Kate. I’m so tired of doing this with you. Just…just tell me you don’t feel the same and let me go on with my life, let me get over you.”

“Castle…”

“Tell me!” he insisted.

“I love you, okay!” she finally practically yelled at him. Only the fact that the bar was busy kept her confession from being overheard by more than just a few of the closer patrons who, thankfully, didn’t seem to pay them much attention outside of a wayward look at the commotion.

He was frozen at her words. So was she. The look of panic in her eyes told him that she had no more meant to say those words than he had expected to hear them from her. But they were out now. “What?”

She was still frozen, like a deer in headlights. She could feel her heart racing as the walls seemed to be closing in. She could feel the grip of panic rising in her throat. And like a deer in headlights, she turned and ran.

“Kate!” he called after her. But she had caught him off guard with her words and her sudden movement, and it took him a few seconds to get his body to move to chase after her. By the time he made it out to the main terminal, he couldn’t spot her through the crowd of people heading for baggage claim at JFK. Damn it! But he knew where she was going. It was late, she didn’t have a case…she’d go home. And he’d meet her there. This was not over.

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who’s gonna walk up and say “Hi”

Then lean in a little too close to whose lips

Say “What the hell are we doin’?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

“Kate!” he stood outside her apartment, banging on her door. When she didn’t open it, he kept banging. “Kate! I’m not leaving until you open the door and talk to me!” He banged on the door again to reiterate his point.

She stood on the other side of the door, her back leaning against it as she wrestled with herself over what to do. She could test him…let him keep banging and yelling and maybe he would get tired and just leave…but she would have angry neighbors. Or she could just open the damn door and face him. She’d rather have the angry neighbors. After a few moments of his continuous banging, she finally opened the door, ready to yell at him.

Only before she was able to say anything, he pushed into her apartment, took her face in his hands, and kissed her hard. The way he moved was so determined and swift that she had to grip his shirt to keep from falling backward. It took several moments for her to get past the shock of his action, but she finally gave herself over to the kiss, the grip on his shirt loosening slightly, her mouth softening under his lips.

His kiss was demanding and thorough. He’d loved her, wanted her, thought he would finally have her…only to have it ripped away because he thought she didn’t feel the same…to then have her admit, albeit accidentally, she did feel the same…and then run away from him. He was making it clear, there was no way she was getting out of this yet…they were going to work this out now. She wouldn’t be able to run from this.

When he finally pulled away, they both stared at each other breathing heavily for a few moments. Kate finally broke the eye contact and moved past him to close the door. “Castle…” she started, only to have him interrupt her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She sighed softly, leaning her forehead against the door for a moment before finally turning to face him. “At first I didn’t know what parts were true, what things actually happened, when they happened. Castle…there were so many flashes of things…I didn’t know which ones were real, which ones I’d hallucinated, or which ones were drug-induced. I was a mess…I had to work through so many issues…” she tried to explain. “By the time I actually remembered and knew it was real…there were so many other issues I needed to work through. I didn’t know how to deal with everything. But I never lied to you about what I wanted.”

“So the relationship you mentioned wanting to have…”

“It was with you. I should have just said that…I shouldn’t have expected you to understand what I meant…” she shook her head. “I’ve been seeing a therapist, Castle. He helped me work through my shooting, my PTSD…he’s helped me with my wall. He’s still helping me,” she told him quietly. “I see him once a week.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he found himself asking her again.

She shrugged. “I just wanted to show up and put in the work without making any excuses,” she answered.

“So this therapist…he’s helped?”

She nodded. “He has.” She was quiet for a few moments. “I need you to understand that me not telling you I remember has nothing to do with how I feel about you. It is and was about me...it never had anything to do with you,” she told him softly. “And I’m sorry…I never meant for you to find out the way you did. I was going to tell you…”

“When?”

She was quiet for another few moments. “After this case, actually. When I asked if you had a minute to talk.”

“Only I didn’t…” he realized, rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, Kate…about Jacinda…I just, I thought…”

“I know what you thought,” she held up her hand to stop him. “Did you sleep with her?” she asked quietly after a few moments. She needed to know.

“No,” he shook his head. “I’m not going to lie…I tried. I wanted to. But every time we got close I…I couldn’t,” he admitted quietly. “I felt like I was cheating on you, and I couldn’t go through with it.”

“Castle…” she murmured, moving into his arms, burying her face in his chest and just inhaling him.

His arms wrapped around her tightly, resting his head on top of hers as he held her tightly. “I’m sorry…I’m so, so sorry…” he murmured.

Her arms tightened around him as well as she turned her head to look up at him. “Me too,” she

murmured. She tugged her lower lip between her teeth. “Are we…okay?” she asked nervously.

He looked down at her. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that, considering?” he asked softly.

“We’re ok,” she nodded, resting her head back against his chest.

He released a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He hadn’t messed this up. “We’re ok,” he repeated with a smile.

She felt a weight lift off her chest as he repeated her words. She hadn’t messed this up. “Castle…” she looked up at him. “That wall I told you about? It’s coming down,” she told him.

“I’d like to be here when it does,” he told her seriously.

She bit her lip again as she smiled slightly. “Maybe…we can knock the rest of it down together?”

“You mean…?” he trailed off with his question, wanting to make sure they were understanding each other since they seemed to have issues actually communicating with anything beyond subtext.

“I mean together,” she nodded. “I’m tired of waiting. We’ve both waited long enough, don’t you think?”

Her words brought a smile to his face. “Together…” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her, this one much slower and more gentle than the last.

She smiled against his lips, her hands sliding up his back to pull him closer as she returned his kiss. "So...can I drive your Ferrari now?" she asked softly with a smile.

He chuckled at that. "Kate, you can drive my Ferrari whenever you want," he promised, kissing her again.

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

Who’s gonna break?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

You or me baby, who’s gonna break first?

xxxxx

So this fic didn’t exactly go way I had envisioned it when the idea struck me, but I’m still pretty pleased with how it turned out.

And now I can go back to writing the newest chapters for Hell Hath No Fury and It

Started With a Kiss.

I hope you all enjoyed this little angsty piece. I look forward to your comments!

[therealsophiependragon]

My Fics

Heyy, I'm therealsophiependragon on Ao3 or Pendragon as I go by on the dangerous seas of the internet. Here's a comprehensive list of everything I have written and put on Ao3!

Recent notable mentions include:

- The Moon Told Me Of You has passed 350 kudos, which is absolutely mind-boggling to me!

- Moon Rabbit is at 100 kudos ✨

- Listen To Me Love You has been graciously granted 50 kudos!

- Sidewalk Chalk reached 80 kudos!

Thank you very much!

Avatar: The Last Airbender

The Moon Told Me Of You

Cages are for monsters. Azula knew this well. Cages were deserved, by those singular enough to earn the watchfulness of others. And if that was true, then Azula was the queen of them, for hers was a very careful cage.

A careful cage for a monstrous girl.

Well, tonight they would see if it was careful enough.

Or,

A summoning-gone-wrong lands two princesses on a legendary quest to save the world that abandoned them both.

This fic includes:

Yuezula (Azula/Yue)

100k+ words, WIP multi-chapter

Dangerous quest

Obscene amount of liberties taken with the spirit world (the author admits to having only watched the first season of Korra... but I promise the liberties taken are kind of interesting?)

Annoyances-to-lovers with a sprinkle of grumpy/sunshine

Sun and Moon trope into oblivion

Moon Rabbit

“You think it was my destiny to be defeated by my pathetic excuse for a brother.”

“I think we write our own destinies.”

“Oh, for the love of Agni, go away.”

Or,

Yue visits Azula the night after the Agni Kai.

This fic includes:

Yuezula

4.8k words, complete one-shot

Sun and Moon trope

Musical inspiration (Moon Rabbit by Blackbird & Crow, very good song highly recommend also if you do give it a listen please consider writing out the lyrics and sending them to me because I have a very bad ear for lyrics and understand maybe half of what she's singing)

Yue Talking Sense Into Azula tm

Contains kneeling/subversion of hierarchal norms because love transcends all boundaries

My Hero Academia

Sidewalk Chalk

Toga does not know how to flirt, so naturally she stalks Uraraka for weeks before finally mustering the courage to ambush and invite her to participate in a sidewalk chalk challenge. As one does. Uraraka is unamused.

This fic includes:

Togachako (Toga Himiko/Uraraka Ochako)

2.4k words, complete one-shot

Toga being Toga

Improper usage of sidewalk chalk

An abundance of banter

Character study of the togachako relationship

Fun

Corporeal Levity

"I think my family is rotten."

"Yeah, welcome to the club, kid."

Or,

Hanako Takahashi used to have a family. Now, she's a villain, using her quirk to help the League of Villains find their leader, who they all know has to still be out there—before the rest of the world does. When a lead puts U.A. on their radar once again, Hanako must don a mask of morality and join the many wannabe heroes at the school to obtain information that could put the villains on top once more. And she might be able to pull it off, too... if her annoying new classmate would stop following her around like an overly-enthusiastic, opposite-of-stealthy puppy.

Eri Aizawa has a family, and a very nice one, but sometimes she feels... lost. When her dreams of heroism are put on hold by her wearily worried father, Eri knows she has to prove herself: by taking the U.A. exam anyway, and working her way up to being a hero everyone can be proud of. And if she can figure out her awesomely mysterious classmate while she's at it, well, that's just an added bonus.

This fic includes,

Not much actually because it's on indefinite hiatus after two chapters

12k words, incomplete

Found family

Teenage Eri Aizawa & LOV-child OC

Necromancy

Hopefully more once I decide I have time to write it

The Walking Dead

The Other Way

Sophia has always been a scared little girl in a world of monsters. The apocalypse didn’t change much.

But it did teach her one thing: there are lots of ways to turn.

This fic includes,

Zombies

A traumatized child

3.2k words (one-shot, complete)

Sophia Peletier character study

Is the brunt of all of my frustration that she died so early because DAMN if she had survived... ugh i wish

My pride and joy

It got hit with that kudos bot a while back too so now the kudos-to-hits ratio is obscene and makes me sad but whatever even the robots love me y'all

Harry Potter

Listen To Me Love You

Ginny and Luna are in love, they just don't know it yet.

Fortunately, all it takes to fix this is a nudge from Fate, and a little bit of bad luck.

This fic includes,

Linny (Ginny/Luna)

2.5k words, completed one-shot

Sun and Moon coded (kind of idk I say that but do I mean it nobody really knows)

Sad Ginny, Wise Luna

Set in Fifth Year (so Ginny's fourth year)

Actually beta-read, which is a first for me

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: fivecenturiesverse! @fivecenturiesverse has 64 fics posted to AO3 in the Stranger Things fandom and 45 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@spicysix recommends the following works by @fivecenturiesverse:

i'm feeling devious (you're looking glamorous)

shape it up (get it straight)

chuck me a bouquet after the show, babe

just like a rainbow (you know you set me free)

drag him back to the meeting place

"Fives has a way with words that I don't think anyone else can compare to. More than one fic tagged as "faves" on my bookmarks are theirs. No matter what AU, what setting, whatever way they write a fic, the characterization will always be on fucking point. The way they always include Robin, and the party, and other characters (and also manages to make them so in character, too) always warms my heart. I feel like they truly understand the characters, and in the same way she views them, I view them too, and so Fives' works are always perfect for me. It's like that comfort food, no matter how many times I eat it it always makes me happy." -- @spicysix

Below the cut, @fivecenturiesverse answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

After watching s4 I was mildly annoyed that the show didn’t expand further on Steve and Eddie’s dynamic (not that I ever thought they would be canon) which I found to be really fun and different from a lot of what we see on the show. I also really wanted to explore Steve’s bisexuality and how it relates to his friendship with Robin and Eddie was a great vehicle for that (sorry Eddie lol)

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

There was only one bed… might be basic but it’s always been my favourite. Friends to lovers, fake dating, and forced proximity are also going to have me with my eyes glued to the screen.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Sharing a bed also is number one here, though it’s usually far more platonic than it is in stuff I read haha because non-sexual intimacy is like crack for me to write.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Lovesick in Loch Nora by redoaktree for the perfect Eddie characterisation but also looking at my bookmarks I think I need to read more steddie and stalk this blog for some recs lmao

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Maybe a genderbending fic because I really enjoyed writing this trope for Star Wars but honestly I’d be excited to writing anything rn, writer’s block is smothering me

What is your writing process like?

I have an idea somewhere between midnight and 3am, then I sit down and write it until it’s finished. Almost every single fic on my account was written in under five hours, I think (outside of my few long fics and series) the fic that it took me the longest to write was “our house (in the middle of the street)” which took me about 10 hours right through the night.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I guess if I have any it’s that I write everything in order all at once and if I get stuck on a scene I cut it and try something else entirely. I also rarely listen to music but if I do it has to be something loud where the words aren’t too distracting.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Alwaaaaayyyys after I’ve finished writing. I used to write on wattpad where I’d post as I wrote and all it meant was that nothing got finished. My problem is that I am fuelled off of interaction and if I’m getting interaction my brain doesn’t understand why I need to write any more. Like, we’re getting the dopamine hit so why bother giving them anything more. My brain is a silly goose, basically.

Which fic are you most proud of?

I’m not sure there’s any fic I’m most proud of. There’s definitely fics I’m less proud of, either because I know how little effort they took me and I think they’re kind of rubbish or because they just didn’t come out the way I wanted even though I put too much effort in. I guess the two series I’ve written for steddie— “of rags and silk (a costume)” and “your love is standing next to me” —are my favourites, I think they are my most imaginative and creative creations :)

How did you get the idea for shape it up (get it straight)?

Honestly a lot of what I wrote in 2023 and the thought process behind it is as much a mystery to me as it is to you but I think I just wanted to get into Mike’s head, dabble in Byler, and I love writing outsider POVs.

When writing i'm feeling devious (you're looking glamorous), what was something you didn’t expect?

That people would like it so much, to be honest. I was just having fun and writing something silly, I guess people do think I’m funny.

What inspired just like a rainbow (you know you set me free)?

I really wanted to add something to the Robin/Vickie tag but it was difficult because Vickie was so character-less in the show, so I focussed it mainly around Robin and Steve’s friendship which I have always loved and their single braincell fake dating plans (a trope I love for them, if anyone has recs… hmu)

What was your favorite part to write from chuck me a bouquet after the show, babe?

The goodbye scene and the reunion scene, I love angst.

How do/did you feel writing chuck me a bouquet after the show, babe?

I was deep in the trenches watching Succession, so I felt like Shiv Roy and I wanted to make Steve into Kendall.

What was the most difficult part of writing drag him back to the meeting place?

The song lyrics for this whole series was definitely the most difficult, fun, and rewarding experience, but for this fic in particular I think getting into the mindset of a 2014 tumblr user reversed any development of my frontal lobe.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

“Carol climbs up, wrapped in a sheet, and yanks up the door to yell at whoever the fuck — But it’s Robin and she’s crying. It’s not even a thought, Carol just reels her into a hug. They’re not friends but it doesn’t matter. They’re something more. They’re Steve’s, they belong to him like luggage he’s left going round and round and round in an airport baggage claim.” – from “let’s make some music, make some money”, my favourite because I think it accidentally described the way I write all ST fanfic like the world is revolving solely around Steve, he’s my little guy I can’t help it.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I wish! I can only say that I hope there’s more coming to an ao3 page near you soon! Thank you for reading B)

Thank you to our author, @fivecenturiesverse, and our nominator, @spicysix! See more of fivecenturiesverse's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[study-core-101]

Hii your blog is so inspiring and helpful ❤

I don't know if you already posted about this but I want advice :D

I'm studying the equivalent to High School in my country (two years only) and I'm trying to strive more. Lately I have realised that I never have free time. I spend the afternoons studying, then I have dinner with my parents, watch something on TV, go to sleep and at those hours I'm so tired that I don't have the energy to do anything else I enjoy. Meanwhile, I see my friends and others at my class going out, going to extracurriculars, getting things done faster...

I've always had the feeling that I only do the things I like during summer break.

I can't help but wonder how am I gonna do when I'm in collage (if I actually get there)!

I would like to ask you if you had any advice, or tips about managing time etc

Pd: sorry if this was too long, personal or if I made any gramatical mistakes lol

Hii, sorry it took me so long to answer! From what I heard, it sounds like so kind of burnout. I'm no expert on this topic, so I'm going to leave the links of the sources just in case! (x) (x)

One of main components it's exhaustation. Feeling tired all the time and having no energy. Not only it impacts the mental and physicial health, but the perfomance. This usually stems of being always "on", overwork culture/mentality, pressure (whether internal or external) and the dislike of the tasks. What I recommend is:

Actually rest. Do activities that make mentally rest or dont do any activity, just take some time for yourself. Listen to your favourite music, take a bath, do some breathing exercise. Relax. Here are some more mental rest activities.

Dont beat yourself for resting. A lot of times, we "rest" but it isnt actually rest, because instead of focusing on yourself you are worrying about not doing anything productive 24/7. That looks like rest, but it isnt, it is just more tiring. All the toxic productivity mentality has to go.

Schedule time to do nothing. Establish clear moments for resting.

Take breaks.

Prioritaze tasks. Yes, we all want to have everything done perfectly and complete, but sometimes that is just impossible. The best way to classify them in order is 1) urgent and important; 2) not urgent but important; 3) urgent but no important; and 4) not urgent not important.

Have a good sleep schedule.

Drink water and eat all your meals

Find a hobbie or something you are passionate or at least midly interested on. Something that fills you with joy and seek to. At the beggining it will feel like a waste of time, but once you find something, well, let's just say, try it.

Another thing is the mindset. Negative thinking is unmotivating and tiring. Switching to a more possitive mentality does wonders.There are a lot of ways to reframe negative thoughts, I'm not familiar with most of them so I cant really explain, but here is an article that explains on detail how to do it.

Even though exhaustation and mentality are key to feeling burn out, inefficiency also has an important role. There are millions of study methods, but not a single one works for every person. Maybe you use a "good" study technique, but it isnt the right one for you. I'd recommend trying new ways of studying you havent tried before, see if at least one works for you. I'm going to honest with you, I dont know a lot of methods, since i found the one that works with me I havent tried new ways, here is a list of study methods with explanations that I'm using to draft future posts. Here are the links for the posts are posted about blurting, feynman and pq4r, if any of those sound helpful.

SELF CARE!!!!! Self-care is so important. It's been a common theme in this post, but I will repeat it once more, take care of yourself.

If these are also helpful, I'll leave the links for previous posts about motivation to start, motivation in general, and a reward system for motivation. Not all the tips in those posts will work, actually, some of them may contradict with what I just said, but I posted them with a different situation in mind. Take the tips that will help you and ignore the ones you think will just make it worse.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[world0fmadness]

FUTURE OF HELL

jon “ metalion ” kristiansen x reader

♡ general dating headcanons for jon!

୨୧ words cannot describe how much i adore this cutie pie and how excited i got when i found out other people do too! i need a big boy… not sure why but listening to the forget me knot album by 400 lonely things really helped me write this, absolutely beautiful album, i recommend giving it a listen <3

♡ view my metal masterlists here and here

reading music recommendations: the essence of my dreams by adorior - nocturne by 400 lonely things

♡ jon does not love winter at all but one thing he does like about it is how you cuddle him for warmth!

୨୧ you cannot tell me this man would not give the most comforting and warm cuddles…

♡ that is honestly the only thing he really likes about winter; cuddling up in bed with you and having hot drinks, talking quietly amongst yourselves as snow flutters down outside, gently tapping against the glass of your apartment windows

୨୧ you definitely know it’s the only thing he liked about winger too, the second it starts actively snowing or raining, he’ll be staring outside with a slight frown due to the cold that will now be drafting into your apartment though his frown quickly melts away when you come up behind and tell him you’re cold, that all you want to do right now is cuddle with him

♡ he’s a major cuddle bug, guilty as charged…

୨୧ jon either big spoons you or simply let’s you lay atop of him with your head on his chest, his hand stroking your hair as your legs tangle under the blankets, his thick thighs almost acting like radiators for yours

♡ it’s probably so so so comfy to be big spooned by him, his curly hair tickling your cheek as he buries his head into the crook of your neck… listen, big boys are just so absolutely comfy when it comes to damn near everything

୨୧ his hugs too? oh my gosh!

♡ jon gives the most comforting and safe feeling hugs, he especially loves hugging when he’s drunk!

୨୧ he’s a very clingy drunk in general, always holding you on his lap, his big hands rubbing up and down your hips and thighs, pressing sloppy kisses on the skin of your shoulder, shoving his lips against yours when you tilt your head back towards him, laughing slightly against your mouth as your hands tangle in his frizzy hair

♡ jon might be a lone wolf but obviously, for his magazine, he interviews a lot of people and regularly goes to visit them!

୨୧ and he’ll always prefer if you come along with him, your company just makes the interviewing process even more fun for him, especially if you get along well with whoever it is he’s interviewing

♡ he might get a little sour if they get along with you a little too well though, flirting with you as if he isn’t right there but he’ll just do his best to ignore it for the sake of his magazine, unless it starts making you uncomfortable! luckily most people do not risk flirting with you though, just due to his status in the scene as a very highly regarded and respected guy

୨୧ if you really like a particular band he’s never interviewed before, he would absolutely get in contact with them and bring you along for it! would he dedicate that issue of slayer to you? well of course he would

♡ honestly, i think a lot of the slayer issues would be dedicated to you anyways!

୨୧ they’d always feature some sickly sweet yet slightly graphic and twisted little love confession and thank you for you at the end, maybe some risqué picture of you if he’s feeling like showing you off to his readers a little…

♡ but despite him being very much a lone wolf, we all also know he’s completely fine and comfortable with it!

୨୧ i think you’d really be the only company he needs, along with the very small shared friend group you guys have, he only feels like he needs you! your opinion is the most important one to him, he values your thoughts on slayer more than anyone else’s! as long as he has you, he could care less about making it big or really anything else in life, he thrives the most in your company and your company alone, completely coming out of his shell and being his whole self around you in the comfort of your shitty, shared apartment

♡ when you do go with him to interview band members, i can see him introducing you as his wife sometimes, despite the fact that you guys are not married

୨୧ not sure why, i just think he’d be a little goofy like that, he loves the look of confusion that comes over the persons facing, their eyes darting between you guys before he shrugs and chuckles a little, telling them that he’s just kidding though it probably would make his mind wonder sometimes, about what it would be like to actually get to call you his wife for real instead of just joking and calling you his girlfriend or partner

♡ we all know jon does not like children at all so please do not ever even bring the idea of children up to him, he literally does not even leave the apartment when he hears children outside…

୨୧ but the closet thing he would agree to having is a fur baby! most likely a cat and most likely some raggedy, lone little kitten he finds on the side of the street and decides he can’t just leave, bringing it back to your shared apartment to clean it up and just kind of keep

♡ now he loves winter for two reasons, he gets to cuddle two of his favourite people! kitty and you, he absolutely treats the cat like a little baby, constantly cradling it in his arms and letting it climb all over him as you photograph the two

୨୧ y’know how cats, especially kittens, like to knead on soft things?

♡ not sure if this has happened to anyone else but if the cat ever started to knead the fat of your boobs as it rests atop your chest, he would think it is so damn funny, letting out deep chuckles with his curls bouncing before going to grab his camcorder, recording the event as you cover your face and laugh along with him

“ oh my, he loves you boobs! look at that, baby! he’s like, grabbing at them, little fucker, they’re mine, you know… ” ( this only makes you laugh harder behind your hands, of course he claims they’re his boobs )

୨୧ i just know jon loves fingering you, no one even try to fight me on this because i know i’m right!

♡ it’s another thing he does a lot when you guys are a little intoxicated at a party or whatever, he’ll have you seated on his lap, your open mouths pressed together as your tongues mingle and before long, his fingers will be sliding under your skirt, pulling your thin panties to the side and dipping into your wet cunt

୨୧ he really doesn’t even care all that much about other people seeing too, he is so confident in his relationship with you, he actually kind of loves showing you off, showing off the fact that you chose him

♡ i mean, at first it won’t be super obvious to people just what he’s actually doing to you but if they keep their eyes on you for longer than a couple of seconds, they’ll really see his hand hidden by your skirt, the way your fingers grip his hair tighter every time his arm moves deeper under your skirt and the way you’re slightly grinding down on his thigh

୨୧ no one will ever really be grossed out by it though, much worse things have happened at parties with bands like mayhem, they’ll usually just drunkenly hoot and holler, whistling and goading him on before moving on to go do something else

♡ since jon is so devoted to and passionate about metal, there is very rarely a band that he doesn’t know but if you ever did bring home a tape of some obscure, tiny little band and he ended up liking it? oh my god, he would fall in love with you all over again!

୨୧ he’d just be obsessed, calling you into the living room where he’s listening to the tape and immediately pulling you into his large, comforting arms, pressing fat kisses to your cheek and lips as he thanks you for the new material

“ shit, baby! this is good, really fucking good… where’d you get it again? never heard anything like this… are they even signed yet? ” ( if you know the band personally and have their contact details, he’ll be calling them over for some drinks and a meeting in your shared apartment as soon as possible, excitement overtaking his senses at the thought of discovering another incredible band, all thanks to his lover )

♡ honestly, you two just kind of become accidental and way too young parents or i guess the godfathers of a lot of tiny, unsigned metal bands and you both love it, until the business side of it really starts to irritate you both, of course <3

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

HiIII II min, what are you reading/watching/listening to at the moment, i need recs

QUITE A LOT. i am reading and watching and playing and listening to. A LOT. I'm kind of astounded that I'm actually doing all this at once, but here we go -

Books:

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov - y'all already know what this one is about. I'm here to tell you that it's brilliantly done with a genuinely engaging writing voice and style, and a terrifyingly good unreliable narrator. If you're up to stomaching the obvious pedophilia, I fully recommend it.

Moby Dick by Herman Melville - slightly racist biologically inaccurate whale hunting. For people who know nothing about whales. I've been on a classics kick recently, I'm trying to get my way through a lot of the big 'classic' books and this is what feels like the final boss. It's good, but it's dense as all fuck, and I'm struggling despite being very close to the end with it. I don't recommend this one quite as much, but it's good enough for me to stick with it.

Sacred and Terrible Air by Robert Kurvitz - this is the Disco Elysium novel, translated from Estonian by a variety of lovely people. It's good, but it's also pretty dense - maybe not as much as Moby Dick, but it makes it hard to read in large chunks. I'm reading it alongside my beloved @lifewithoutrainydays, and i really need to put more time into it.

S. by Doug Dorst - fucking fascinating book. It's presented as a book called 'Ship of Theseus' by an author that doesn't exist, and it looks and feels like an actual old library book, complete with scribblings in the margins (that form a whole other meta story on top of the book itself), postcards and printouts jammed in between the pages, and an old library label on the spine. Still trying to figure out how to read it, but plucking away at it in-between all my other endeavors.

Our Bloody Pearl by D.N. Bryn - a.k.a., me trying to step out of my comfort zone and read some recommendations, and not quite clicking with it. Found family pirate-siren trauma-recovery story. I like the things being done with communication difficulties, but on the whole it feels a bit too fanfiction-y, which is not something I tend to like in my original fiction. I'd recommend it if you're a fan of that sort of thing, though!

Comics:

Awful Hospital: Seriously the Worst Ever by Bogleech - the author says they've never read Homestuck. I don't know if I believe them. A glorious gruesome surreal hellish trip through a very very bad hospital, seriously the worst ever, and beyond! I'm pretty early on but enjoying the fuck out of it. I don't know where it's going and I'm scared to find out.

Doctor Strange: Fall Sunrise by Tradd Moore - I read this ages ago, but finally have it in printed edition, and that rules because everything about this FUCKS SEVERELY. the art style is unhinged and brilliant, the writing is weird and beautiful, and the plot is........ the weirdest thing Doctor Strange comics have ever done since Into Shamballa, actually. i'm taking it slow this time because i want to savor every panel.

The Apothecary Diaries (manga edition) - this has been on pause for a bit, because everything else I was reading distracted me, but it's good and it's open in another tab right now, so I'll include it. Murder mysteries in an ancient Chinese court, starring the weirdest poison-obsessed apothecary girl who has ever existed. She poisons herself for fun and gets excited over particularly deadly toxins, I love her to death.

Games:

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - I loved the books and the show, so I figured it was about time to actually play the games. I'm a tiny bit addicted to it at this point. It's a good fucking game. I like killing monsters and I like playing Fantasy Magic The Gathering and i really really like the battle music. I'm 100%ing this one or I'm dying in the process.

Lobotomy Corporation - has fallen a bit by the wayside because of the Witcher, whoops, but I do fully intend to get back to it at some point. I know there's some less-than-great stuff going on vis-a-vis the creators, but I'm not really engaging on that level. I'm just enjoying it as an SCP-like creature-management simulator. There's some very fun anomalies with very fun writeups in this one, and I enjoy the mental challenge of figuring out what makes them all tick.

Listening to:

Critical Role, Campaign Three - I'm not utterly obsessed with it, but it's a nice long chunk of listening for me to get my evening routine done to the sound of.

And on my podcast 'I'm all caught up, but I regularly listen when new episodes come out' list are: The Magnus Protocol, Dungeons and Daddies, The Adventure Zone, and Apocrypals.

Watching:

The X-Files - all of it, start-to-finish, because I have somehow managed to avoid all spoilers of a sci-fi cultural touchstone all this time, and I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes. I love some fucked-up monster-of-the-week sci-fi.