#no one has to read this if they dont want to im posting it mostly for myself

[shinakazami1]

New Tales Ep 4 live review!!

- Before the intro sequence, I thought Anu didn't know Octavio friends? I don't know the timeframe in all this so it does feel a tad bit weird though, in this run I had killed Juniper so...

- Dear God Octavio not noticing it's Fran's Frogurt is so stupid 😭😭 literally no words. Till this exact moment, I could excuse a lot of the writing... Please.... He's not this dumb, right,,,, ouu,,

- "SAY UNCLE" "You're my sister and I'm your uncle" - I want to know the story behind this sm

- Fergus looking saved it with L0U13 free labour dance but.... Why did we even have the the mental worry, and then the stupid hitting Fergus butt,,, I know the games have this humour but this whole bit felt like not so well timed break

- This game cannot get where it is standing with the killing hmmmm, like no character in this run had a constant (though idk why L0u13, after his crisis, gets once again pro killing,, gonna try replaying better version)

- BROCK BACK AND HE JUST STRAIGTH UP SHOT ANU-PLEASE OFAIHFAS

- GUYS U HAVE THE GUN THAT HEALS 😭😭😭I know they wanted to make this joke but PLEASE

- I feel weird about FRAN being seen as newbie in business. Sure, she only knew one but she kept it going for a long time so I feel she knows a tad bit more seeing it's a fam business for years. Esp after that Susan talk in ep 1. She feels she should know sth more

- Bivington showing up,,, I did expect him to but I wonder. I can tell this is some setup but I wonder what type (future me I say hi) (hi past shina - dear god not one i expected, diluted elon musk oifashfiaos)

- can I propose an overpriced drink AS SIGN OF SUCCESS IS KILLING ME

- it's weird that any didn't realise she could use the lab for their project cud they need

- Anu from being a Newby to being a big fan of Maya Vaultfinder mega ultra player,,, I'm so proud

- JABBER PUBLIC PEEING AND SOOTHING MUSIC PLEASE WHAT WAS THAT WHY DID I STUMP UPON

- Anu being seen as genius and then most the work is just,,,, the goggles,,, the slapping,,,,, it's all so silly

- I was curious what would be Fran's wish and the synth sad music in there reminded me of Hyer Light drifter soundtrack. But Rita,,,

- BADASS SUPERFAN IS MY FAV character beside Rhys and all Tediore soldiers wjjwh

- Foopy PLEASE??? FOOP POOP??? The only thing broken is you HELLO - WHY WE GOT BOTH PISS AND POOP THIS EPISODE

- I wonder if Fran's focus on sexuality is a trauma response, too,, future shina here, but based on what you can tell LOUI3 I think that is the case

- 😭 Why did so many people know and could reference before Fran's traumatic experience tho??? Like it puts her so down and others just know it

-VVIP IS MORE LIKE WIP WORK WORK WORK and i got Octavio to sniff the substance cus I imagine he would try it sjshhehe

- VVVIP,,, WHAT'S NEXT A VVVVIP CUS I HOPE TO SEE SOME WWIPS,,, Also I made Octavio dance

- BADASS BEING FIRED NOOO I hope I will see him in fifth episode :0

- Susan having a gun. You go girl boss actually

- HELLO UNPROTECTED DATA STDs??? dear GOD I EXPECTED THIS AND YET I AM STILL BAFFLED

- THE FACT THERE IS A TRANSLATOR FOR YALL TALK

- I get why people like Susan, I love the translator bit, the bitchy high atittude, she gets it

- BRO THE FACT KATAGAWA SR IS NEXT TO RHYS IS LIKE 'haha remember how my son wanted to kill you well now another person does'

- "dangerous, yes?" girl it's a glowing rock

- I took around 20 screenshots of Rhys alone 😭😭😭I'm down BAD

- I wish got control of Octavio if he would say Susan is the boss... I feel it's a wasted potential

[famewolf]

if im being honest and allowing myself to vent a bit about it ... another red flag was when the DM went 'wow i love the detail of your backstory but idk what i can do with it tho ):'

[kxllerblond]

my blog my hobby my fun times idc but also i always feel the need to justify this ongoing arc of clark because it's just so...relationship based. and yeah a lot is romance because, let's be frank here and be real, that's a good chunk of the rpc's motivations and wants and it's the easiest to get. but it's also friends and found family, kindred spirits, etc. but he's transitioning into a very heavy emphasis on actual, meaningful connections and yeeeeah it's been a natural path here and yeah it makes sense from a writing standpoint for a muse i've had since like 2012.

like clark's initial arc was yearning for this sort of stuff and not being allowed and then we moved into him actively avoiding it and now we've moved sort of into the 'fuck it. fucked up healing arc' period where he's letting himself feel and love in all senses of the word.

and it all makes sense to me because i've been here through it all but i can just imagine new people stumbling to my blog and seeing hella smut or romance shit or wooby-wubby shit or what's supposed to be this big bad villain making bffs and being turned off or worse thinking i'm just the person for easy shipping or smut shit and writing off clark completely as an individual and that kinda sucks but yKNOW it is what it is

[nyazai-osameow]

btw the take of “Dazai is very remorseful of those he’s killed and his history in the PM (which is why he’s a good person, actually)” is a take that literally spits in his, as well as the whole of BSD’s, face. in this essay i will

its a bad idea to try to make this post right now because MAN disorganized thinking and speech is kicking my ass currently. so heres your warning. but i must speak. the truth deserves to be spoken

first i want to make it clear that the take itself is not inherently wrong or ““problematic”“ (please bear with me accurate and precise words are not in my vocab rn). because i mean... who fucking knows with Dazai and his feelings. he COULD be remorseful of all that. or he could not. i mean more evidence points to the lack of remorse than feeling remorseful, but this post is not about that.

what then makes this take so Bad is when its argued for the SOLE purpose of trying to defend him and convince people that he’s a good person actually and deserves to be where he is.

whether or not Dazai feels remorse for everything he’s done literally doesn’t matter. and trying to put so much importance on this also flies over the point of so much of BSD and its characters. its not a prominent point brought up ever BECAUSE it does not matter. its not supposed to matter. and the watcher/reader must recognize that this is deliberate to help you come to the point that is trying to be made with so many characters.

the message that is trying to be broadcasted is: "it's not about who you are, but about what you choose to do". its about your actions in the present moment. what you are choosing to do NOW is what matters.

and hes choosing to work for the good side and help people. “but that’s only because Oda told him to--” NOPE DOESN’T MATTER! the reasoning does not matter. the motivations for the actions are not supposed to matter. its the actions themselves.

Oda himself’s whole deal was this. the one person that Dazai at that time saw as unarguably a good person. he was choosing not to ever murder people again. not because he felt bad or any remorse for having taken those lives, but because he literally just wanted to become an author. that’s it. that was his sole reasoning. that seems like an absurd motivation to anyone not him, and that’s what makes him such a good character and good guy. he was not trying to atone for his past. he just wanted to be able to write a book.

did this reasoning make Oda’s choice of refraining from killing any less sincere? no, it didn’t! it was still 100% authentic and everyone could see that.

the first major arc of BSD as a whole was about this message. Kyouka, who had been working as an assassin for the PM and had so far killed 35 people, decided “hey, i don’t want to kill anyone anymore actually”, and with the help of Atsushi made the decision that she’d help people from then on and would try not to resort to violence and hurt people again.

then again in season 2 after Dazai encouraged her to not let her past define her, she made the decision to use the last bit of freedom she thought she would ever have to save Yokohama from being destroyed by the Moby Dick.

the antagonists in BSD are the antagonists because they are continually choosing to cause harm in the present moment. even if they were good or neutral in the past. they are doing harm NOW which makes them a problem.

STORMBRINGER SPOILERS

in Stormbringer Chuuya makes the choice to give up what he and everyone else thought was his last hope of finding out for sure whether or not he’s truly human, because it doesn’t really matter as long as he’s continuing to live as himself. he’s Chuuya because he can strap Dazai to a lamppost and spin him until he gets sick. he’s Chuuya because he gets to have tea with Kouyou. he’s Chuuya because he visits The Flags’ graves every so often.

STORMBRINGER SPOILERS END

ok im tired but i think you get the point.

change da world my final message. Goodb ye

[arolesbianism]

Just wanted to drop in and say thank you for finding and posting the ONI logs that you do! As someone who loves the story of the game but absolutely would not have the energy to find all of the logs that aren’t on the wiki legitimately its nice to be able to see some of them. The one w/ nails in it is especially interesting! Nails was already one of my favorite dupes but that log made me like them even more tbh. Everyone say thank you to Human Nails™️ for making dupes like actually cognizant.

Also, saw your ONI stuff on artfight! I am absolutely not plotting and scheming anything at all i swear :]

Oghhhh tysm :')!!!! I've been feeling a bit self conscious abt my oni obsession lately so this means a lot! I still need to get around to making my oni story catalogue actually readable, I started a while back but ran out of steam after the like 50th incident with said one with Nails in it lol. And I actually recognized you from artfight! Saw your oni guys a few days ago and I'm honestly obsessed with them, it would be a shame if I had my hand forced and had to draw them :3c

[aciddrattboyy]

sharing is caring

your boyfriend isagi lets his best friend bachira fuck you while he watches (mostly)

bachira, isagi x f!reader ☆ smut ☆ 0.8k cw: dirty talk(its bad), penetration, cucking, squirting, rough sex, threesome a/n: reupload from ao3. gulp... ive actually been debating whether or not i should post it because i actually feel so embarrassed about it like i cant believe i typed that with my own fingies but my friend convinced me to post it so for my own wellbeing all the smut will be under the cut because i'll start convulsing if i read it against my will :)

☆

how you got into this predicament you weren’t sure. the events leading up to this blurry and hard to even try to remember. all you could think about was now. the present reality being you leaning back against your boyfriend isagi while his best friend bachira fucks into you.

“ah shit isagi- she’s so- fuck- so tight-,” bachiras onslaught of crude words made you helplessly clench around his dick. with your legs behind held up and open by isagi, you were getting mercilessly pounded into. you could hear isagi chuckle darkly from right behind you, his hard clothed dick pressing into your lower back as he squeezed your thighs. 

“dont forget to play with her clit bachira,” isagi’s voice was light, playful as he let go of one of your legs to grope at your breasts instead. “wanna feel her cum on you dont you,”

“f-fuck yeah- yeah i do,” without a second of delay he lets a ball of spit fall from his lips, both men’s eyes watching as it fell down right above your sensitive clit. the groan isagi let out had your hips bucking into bachira which just fueled him even more. “you’ll cum for me right y/n? you’ll cum on my dick right? your boyfriend said it’s okay so go ahead,” you whined as bachira kept his eyes on you. there was something unnerving in his eyes and the unwavering desperate smile he had. 

“a-ah fuck-,” you couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of bachira pressing his thumb onto your neglected clit, pressing his fingers into your lower abdomen as he moved his thumb in tight circles.

“y/n you sound so good- hah- cum for me baby please- wanna feel it bad,” he was babbling now, head hung low as he continued to drill himself into you. the room was filled with both you and bachira’s moans along with the wet slapping of his tight balls on your cunt. 

isagi, getting a tad jealous, wanted you to direct some of your attention back to him. hooking a finger under your jaw he tilted your head up and sideways to look at him before he placed his wet lips on yours. 

“shit thats so hot- so hot-,” meguru’s eyes shot up when he heard your muffled moan, almost cuming right then at the sight of his teammate taking control over your mouth, “i’m close- gonna cum- pretty baby how ‘bout you ask your boyfriend where i should cum,” isagi eyes meguru as he sucked on your tongue, a slight smirk tugging at his lips at how fucked out meguru looked. 

“you can’t cum until she does,” isagi’s authoritative tone has bachira’s hips stuttering. with a small whine leaving his lips, he brings his thumb back to your clit, circling it roughly. 

“cum y/n please cum- i need it- hah fuckfuck- please i- i need-,”

“shit bachira- right there right there- dont stop,” your moaning had both of their dicks twitching, their eyes locking once before a dry chuckle leaves isagi. 

“better keep going bachira make my pretty girl feel good she deserves it,” his voice was teasing as he left kisses along your temple, holding your lower face in his hand as he kept your eyes directed onto the scene in front of you.

“call me meguru- fuck baby please say it say my name,” bachira was panting now, babbling away as he tried so hard to not cum. he needed you to cum. needed to feel you cum around and call his name. 

“meguru i’m cum- im cumming ah shitshitshit,” before you had even a moment to realize what was happening, you were squirting around his dick. you were all but seeing stars as isagi reached a hand down to slap at your clit as meguru pulled out. 

“ fuck you’re so hot- squirting on me like that fucck-,” both you and meguru were a fucked out mess as isagi continued to abuse your clit and bachira kept bullying his cock before he came onto your stomach. 

“yoichi- ‘s too much- w-wait-,” you squirmed in isagis hold as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm. his eyes were wide and fixated on your squirting cunt, having not ever seen you do that before. bachira watched with hungry eyes as the sheets below turned dark with your cum, your squirt soaking his dick and thighs. 

you began to tear up at the stimulation, desperate moans leaving your mouth as you told isagi it was too much but to keep going. having never seen isagi so dominating, bachira didn’t look away when isagi jerked your head towards him, ordering you to open your mouth before spitting inside. bachira could feel his dick getting hard all over again just from the filthy sight alone. 

“fucked her so good you made her squirt,” isagi muttered as he kept his eyes on your cunt. there was no way in hell he was going to tell bachira that he was the first one to do so. “ ‘m gonna fuck her now ‘n since you were so nice to her-,” isagi was quick to reposition you so you were straddling him, laying your head on his chest as you tried to even out your breathing “i’ll let you fuck her ass,”

i hope you enjoyed !! reblogs/comments are very much appreciated <3

[complete-clownery]

Hahaha okay rant about this amazing fanfic (you probably heard of this one already but still)

So whenever it comes to explaining and writing under my posts I just get lazy but I need to push through this cuz I need to talk

So the fanarts were made for the lmk fanfiction sunbreak, that a lot of you (probably mostly shadowpeach shippers) had read, and it is amazing, I read trough it as fast as my brain let me and as you can see it has pleasantly scratched my brain so much so that I even (attempted) to make fanart for it

Ngl if I wasn't a major pussy I would try to illustrate the whole thing or make covers for each chapter but Im unable to work on something more than 2 hours and I would want those to look good, but good looking art (if I don't mess up) takes 6 hours ughh--- annoying much---

Anyways I'm not good with literature but man is this fix a masterpiece *chefs kiss* its everything its amazing, I was unable to put it down once I started it

Okay i dont think I have the brain capacity to explain how much I worship the writer of this masterpiece @ladygreenfrisbee , so i'm just going to talk about the drawings a tad

So first picture with Red Son and MK its sort of like an au in the fic where the whole lbd plot is somehow nonexistent and after Macaque gets to his sisters domain they settle down and raise the kids together without much of an issue aside from assassinations keep happening and trying not to get in trouble with the heavens

Id like to think that Gongzhu still wouldn't let the court tailors to put any form of red or gold on MKs outfits and only allowed the yellow after when MK was old enough to declare that yellow was his favorite color, but even now she would insist on some form of purple and shadow motives to let others know who the mother is

We also got baby MK and toddler Red Son and sassy LIF and Mac

Third pic with the lion: I don't know what it was or why but I just love general Song so much--- he's a major dickhead but sgvshshsevkdididhr (actually I kinda love all the original characters in this one, from the generals to the old lady in the beginning of the book, (gosh I also wanna draw some scenes from those chapters I loved how Mac and she interacted hshsjsj))

so chapter 34 was probably my favorite so far I re read it about two more times cuz it was amazing to see Macaque being the schemer he is and try to piss of Song lol

Last picture: its a sketch/a wip or whatever (probably not going to finish it but im still putting it there cuz its somewhat decent looking)

Its the part where Wukong remembered of Macaque finally finding him and asking for him to come back to flower fruit mountain.

I tried to make Macaque look more unhinged on this one but since I didn't finish it I dont think its that noticable so fuck that but I also gave him a halo like the saints to symbolise his suffering and what not (thought it looked cool and fitting think whatever you want about it lol)

And that all ((((hollly mother))))

If you read this trough, thank you and congrats👏👏

[girldriveroscar]

CRACKS KNUCKLES heres some parasocial nonsense. pls dont take too serious im just being silly.

insp by @inchidentally the 814 essay GOAT… Hi.

Okyeah analyzing this video and recent posts.

So Like. oscar piastri being the normalTm guy whos still w his hs sweetheart, wears graphic tees and beat up af1s and still vacations w the guys he grew up w, who was actually kinda socialized (as well as any other well-off posh kid who’s parents could afford the luxury of fucking them off to boarding school i digress).. but like, he played pranks w the Lads and got congratulatory slaps on the back, his first crushes wer probs navigated in small talk during class and walking together in the halls? generally just a guy who balanced his social life and Career to Some relatively healthy degree so it’s not like Completely foreign to him how to talk to girls and make friends. and so he gets that building an intimate relationship w someone is mostly just hanging out, experiencing new food tgthr, new movies, walking around a new city, he just gives such a NORMAL GUY answer of a perfect date, and i think part of being socialized the way he was gave him the understanding that grandiose gestures of love kinda just come off as disingenuous. oscar jus reads as a guy whos never resorted to showboating bc his introduction to romance was just like anyone else, awkward shuffling and bonding on the weekends over pizza and homework. and even as a formula 1 RACE WINNER GUY W MONEY hiiiiii, he still has such a cute simple recipe for a perf date bc hes been through it. he knows how to court someone bc it worked and its been working!!!

then on the flip u have THE peacock tm, shirt unbuttoned so low might as well forgo it atp, lando norris whos perfect date idea is hi, (wtf.) YACHT. and sex (exhibitionist freak. sorry who said that…) like boyyyy oh my god shakes him by the shoulders u are so not normal. lando norris, who’s always ben a little comfier than his peers growing up. always out of place bc his dads pockets were Open and Ready to ensure he never had to worry about pinching pennies in a spar for some chips after class Yeah and he doesnt even know it bc thats NEVER been his life? yeaaa and add in a dash of Always being on the race track, never rly socializing w. girls or boys who weren’t in direct competition w him, turning 19 and immediately being sized up to his older hyper-masculine charming And sexy teammate. (getting carried away mb)

lando himself explaining that having to grow up so fast and be a good boy (His words.) prevented him from finding his footing in social settings and only now being able to experience these things at 23/24?!

i digress now also factor in his (alleged…) favorite movie is a silly romcom?! (also maybe just peacocking tho bc “girls love a guy w a soft side” and lando wld know bc he watched one movie about it…. like srsly u want me to believe the hangover and stepbrothers belong in the same category as Romcom u dont rmbr the name of okk weirdo)

so yea of course a boy who’s never passed notes to his crush in class, never asked anyone to a dance, never pulled pranks w his schoolmates, Understands intimacy thru cheesy romcoms an weekends emptying his dads wallet on flights to wtv racing event. LIKE OF COURSE he thinks romance is wtv he can mimic from A. how his dad showed him love (…$$..) and B. what the movies r saying ! (thats socially repressed twin.) AND THE GAG OF IT ALL!!!! is he thinks he is so suave so playboy, “i have sex and let me announce about it publicly in case u doubted it” when the reality of it is like? dude u are thirst-liking instagram models while oscar is Getting it every night ur such a loser omfg.

just Like. Ugh the juxtaposition of oscar whos so secure in himself in his dad shorts and ANKLE socks and lando who just grew out of his awkwardness in his early 20s and now Needs to slut himself out to make up for lost time.

(AND. the double gag is landos still so obviously not secure abt the fact he Doesnt Really Know what hes doing that every one can see it ouhmygodd lando x chernobyl levels of imposter syndrome u are so complicated and angsty U TEENAGE GIRL. holds a can of diet coke to his lips. there there girl. there there.)

[infamous-if]

Hi Amy! Sorry if this is a weird ask, but I remember you said a while back that you leave a lot of asks unanswered because you either don’t find them interesting, or you don’t want to spoil something for the story. So, in your opinion, what kinds of questions are you more likely to answer?

I promise I’m not accusing you of anything, and it’s well within your right to not answer something you don’t want to, it’s just I’ve sent a lot of asks over the months that have went unanswered so I’m wondering if there’s a certain topic or character you’re more willing to talk about.

I'm more likely to answer questions on gameplay or to clarify something that someone is confused about and may be a sentiment shared with others. Mostly if someone has a problem with something and needs clarification haha Or funny one-liner comment because they're less responsibility and don't require much thought or thoughtful answers lol

Sometimes if there's an opinion or assumption made by more than a few people then ill be sure to answer it to clear things up :)

I don't answer scenario/RO asks much because I think it's too time consuming

I confess that compliments and nice words are screenshotted so I can read them when im feeling down lolol but I dont respond to them because I dont want to be seen stroking my own ego on the dash LMAO and not to spam people

It's not that I ignore questions or that I prefer answering questions about certain characters or topics, it's just that I have so many! I'm currently at 7k questions sitting in my inbox and this was after i emptied it out. I feel guilty about ignoring questions but the truth is that I dont even see them half the time ://

many times i start answering a question and then leave it in the drafts for later and forget...like this one, which was in my drafts for a few days before I finally posted it hahahaha sorry

I promise that im not ignoring ur questions and definitely didnt look at it and think "boo boring" I just most likely havent seen it or completely forgot to check it again to answer, I have really bad memory in general so yeah lolol

[cupcakeslushie]

I dont usually send asks, mostly cause im shy and don’t know what to say lol, but I wanted to share my appreciation for your Kendratello AU, cause it’s helped me recognize a toxic relationship in my own life.

I’ve never been a victim to SA or anything of the likes, so I can’t say I’ve been EXACTLY in Donnie’s place, but something that unsettled me early on when reading your AU was how…NICE Kendra would seem when alone with Donnie.

In a lot of media, especially in the media I saw growing up, the manipulative antagonist almost always had very obvious tells that show they’re evil when interacting with the victim. Maybe they’re talking about committing a very clearly villainous deed, keep the protagonist prisoner, something like that. But Kendra didn’t. Well, not always.

Kendra destroyed Donnie from the foundation up, and then rebuilt him back up to be who she wanted him to be, would punish him but then spin the situation around to be his own fault, but the rest of the time she would seem kind.

Only recently have I realized that someone very close to me has been toxic for most of our lives, and the reason it took me this long to realize it was because they would treat me kindly only until it became in their own interest to act otherwise. But I would take it, because I loved them and didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and I assumed that since they loved me, they wouldn’t ACTUALLY (emotionally) hurt me.

Spoiler alert: they did.

I’m not going to get much more into it, but your AU’s been very comforting to me ever since this happened, because it’s helping me come to terms with the fact that what happened wasn’t my fault just because our relationship seemed nice most of the time.

Your depiction of Kendra manipulating Donnie so realistically, and Donnie slowly but surely realizing that Kendra was hurting him is so powerful, and I thank you for that.

I’m so happy for you Anon 💚💚

It’s good to see these patterns, and depending on how toxic the relationship is, to speak up for yourself, or cut the person out, if they are unwilling to change.

Kindness is often a tool used by manipulators. But the biggest thing to ask yourself is exactly what you saw. Is this person only nice to me when they need something from me? And if so, then this isn’t real kindness. Good for you for knowing your worth!!

⚠️

sa related ask and discussions of very toxic relationships…

Personal experience rambling below. Toxic friendship and sa mention.

I’ll only be discussing this once, here, in this post. So I’m afraid if I get anyone asking for further info, I’m not going to reply /lh

I’m very sorry for what you’ve gone through. I hope you can find what you need to heal. Everyone’s traumas are so different, so please if you can, and haven’t already, speak to a professional that will give you help catered to you.

But I do want to immediately answer your question and say, yes, I have healed, for the most part. It took a lot of work and self-reflection that I didn’t want to do, because it was scary. But when I finally talked to someone, and realized I needed to take action in order to heal, that was when the process started.

For years, I thought my only options were to suffer in silence, and that what happened to me was my own fault, because towards the end, I was consenting. But I didn’t understand how my mindset and self worth had become so twisted.

My person (let’s call him J) was one of my best friends growing up. But as he got older, and more interested in…mature things, he changed. J would only ever agree to hang out together unless I offered to give him something to make it worth his while. Eventually I started to think these acts were all I was good for, as that’s all that made him happy to be around me. Pretty soon, J didn’t even have to push the ideas onto me. He only had to act uninterested or busy, and I would sit there and beg to do whatever he wanted.

The idea of rejection grew to be so painful and terrifying as he was one of only two friends that I had (the other being his sister. So if I lost one, I was so scared to lose the other). And I’d recently lost one of my closest childhood friends. Which he often used her cutting contact with us in his manipulations as well.

(It wasn’t until years later that she contacted me through Facebook and revealed that it was J that made her feel too uncomfortable, and as she already lived two hours away from us, and only visited once a year, it was just easier for her to cut off contact. I don’t blame her now, but without that knowledge, the thought that it was something I did, only helped J manipulate me.)

As I grew older, and I got better friends, I started to learn just how much I’d been pushed into only ever doing what he wanted, and how one sided of a relationship it was. He moved away, and that distance I was so scared of became a reality. But it was the best thing to ever happen. I still wonder what would’ve happened if he’d stayed in town. If we might’ve gotten married or if I would’ve finally stood up for myself. But all that matters is he is gone. There is always the danger of him coming home and me seeing him—we were neighbors, so his parents and mine still live right next door. Holidays can be kind of a high stress time lol.

That cafe comic is actually probably the most therapeutic piece out of the whole Kendratello AU I’ve done, as it’s always been a fear of mine that I could just turn around and he’d be in town visiting lol. Sending Kendra through that portal was highly cathartic. But even if that were to happen now, I have my coping skills, and I’m in a much better headspace. I think I would be able to handle myself.

I’m still a people pleaser, I don’t think that’s ever going to go away, even with all the work I’ve done. The biggest thing is, I know I’m worth more now. I can see real kindness, and catch the fake stuff much better by looking for those same toxic signs. The real friendships I’ve made have shown me what connection is truly like. It’s not a one-sided negotiation every time you get together. And if it is, then it’s probably not a healthy give and take. I’ve healed, but it is a constant effort.

Every new person sets off some kind of anxiety in the back of my head, but I don’t let that fear control how our relationship will develop. I’ve got the final say in what happens and what I get out of it.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i have left

hey everyone this will probably be the last thing i post on this blog albeit im keeping it up for resources.

im eternally grateful for how this community has helped me through prostitution and everything, i have amazing mutuals and i have learned so much 💜

but it has become toxic. many of yall cant handle disagreement and default to being as condescending and obnoxious as possible. one of us calling out a post is not enough, we have to dog pile everyone with a slightly shitty opinion. some of yall have severely lost the plot if you ever had it in the first place. not everything is that serious, especially when it comes to online drama.

im sick of it. so many engage in the same bullshit we accuse online trans activists of. this is an echo chamber. so many just mindlessly parrot slogans and arguments. what im very sick of is seeing single tweets or posts by a nobody, usually anonymous, being spread as receipts and shit. you know how annoying it is when everything a self proclaimed terf somewhere on social media says is taken by trans activists at face value and representative of the community when theyre not even radical feminist, just transphobic? yeah. yet a lot of yall do the same by saving and sharing „receipts“ where some random person who claims theyre trans (or not even) says some fucked up or out of pocket shit. you will always find people like that online, from any politicial „camp“ or ideological alignment!

a lot of yall seem to think that debate is about winning and not like, having an exchange of arguments and let the audience come to their own conclusion

and i just dont hate trans people. in fact i feel kinship to any female or homosexual trans person, anyone except heterosexual males. many of yall dont even realise how male centered you are when you more or less equal the trans community to heterosexual men who have a fetish for humiliation and forced feminisation or whatever. who exist and are an issue and i do wish the trans community at large would distance themselves from those men, but its not all there is to it. yes i agree that we need to protect vulnerable young people, girls and especially lesbians and gay boys, from being pushed into transitioning, i think the age of consent should be put at 21 or something, but we have to acknowledge and consider that there are people who have already transitioned and will transition in the future and i just dont understand how you cant have any empathy for them. no matter what you think about transition, many trans people ARE vulnerable and marginalised. plus consider how many detransitioned women are in this community yet yall talk about trans people as mutilated and shit its gross. in the end we can only try to establish structures that keep people from self harming, but an adult of sound mind has the right to do so anyways, including plastic surgery and trans surgeries. and i want to keep my arms open to them; but a lot of rhetoric around it spread on here will only alienate them further.

right now im saving all my essays in notes so its out of my mind. i have missed the community a lot so maybe i will return at some point but i have also been feeling better since i stopped being on radblr. i miss the rare valuable input and thoughts by other women but overall i have felt unaligned with how things have been handled on here. it has been mostly negative instead of constructive and pragmatic. ive had the impression some of yall enjoy the „being in the in-group“ community aspect more than actually being here for feminist exchange. lack of nuance, lack of empathy, lack of reason. it pains me but i have more and more come to understand why people just block us without engaging on general suspicion because ive also come to be annoyed with some of yall engaging with posts - and im on „your side“.

anyways im doing okay, im going to drug counselling regularly now and am trying to establish a stable life for those of you who inquired, and i hope anyone reading this is self reflected enough to know whether this applies to her or not. bye

[n3xii]

why do you feel stuck?

this spread is designed to help you identify why you are feeling stuck right now, as well as what you can do to get yourself unstuck. take a deep breath and choose an envelope from below

i also have personal readings available for an affordable price, check my pinned post for more information!!

Pile one-

your current situation: 8 of wands

i honestly think taking action is the biggest hurdle for you, taking the first step and actually taking action may feel bigger than the task itself. perhaps you may have just overcome some hurdles or blockages that might have previously been in the way, and now that the path is clear, it feels impossible to go forward. i also feel that this represents the momentum it takes to get something going, you may feel that your energy ebs and flows, perhaps motivation and passion are fleeting emotions that you cannot rely on to take action. this makes you feel stuck as a consequence.

what do you need to let go of in order to move ahead: the hanged man

ok, i feel like you're waiting for an external force to thrust you into action, you've taken the passive stance towards your own goals because you find it difficult to actually start. you're waiting for something else outside of you to give you the momentum, this could be another person you're waiting on, a sign, the feeling of motivation. but spirit is communicating that this passiveness is something you need to let go of. stop waiting for something else to spring you into action, the first step has to be done by yourself

message from spirit: boundaries

i think establishing some borders between yourself and what you will and will not tolerate is something that can actually help you become unstuck. this can be boundaries with other people, as well as boundaries with yourself, such as what behaviors and treatments you will tolerate towards yourself. people forget that the relationships they have with themselves need boundaries too.

Pile Two-

your current situation- seven of swords

the message im getting with this is self sabotage, you're in a situation where you are trudging upon your own steps forward by looking back, looking to other people, and looking everywhere but in the direction you're going. i feel like you could be comparing yourself to others, even comparing yourself to your past self as well. there may be somehting you feel you need to tuck away to the back of your mind because you perceived it as bad or undesirable.

what do you need to release in order to move ahead: nine of swords

so far im getting that this is an issue occurring mostly on the mental plane which one of the denser energies in someone's aura. this means your thoughts and words need to be something that you become more aware of so you can identify what exactly you are thinking about on a daily basis. journal, get a mood tracker and write your daily thoughts and feelings. become familiar with what you are saturating your mind with. this card tells me that you need to release overthinking, obsessions, and memories. specifically you need to release the recurring thoughts you have, the fears and paranoia that you may have that are causing you to self sabotage.

message from spirit: attraction

you are a powerful person and manifester, you could be spending more of your energy attracting what you want if you wanted to. now can be spent thinking about what you want to attract into your life and what you want to repel from it. your energy is precious, dont fuck with it. instead of comparing yourself or saturating your mind with obsessive, negative thoughts, direct your mental energy towards something that is positive.

Pile three-

your current situation: the star

the star conveys healing, hope, optimism, and a balance between both the physical and spiritual world. you're in a place where you may feel stuck, but you are actually just healing and recovering from something. the star comes after the tower in the tarot, which indicates the healing process after something major has been unraveled, you may feel like you are behind, or that you should be already healed, but let your spirit and body take the time it needs. you are healing from something, mental or physical at this time

what you need to release in order to move ahead: six of pentacles

i feel like you may have this lingering sensation and feeling that you owe other people something, that you aren't keeping your end of a bargain. this could be you feeling the need to maintain balance in a relationship, friendship, work partnerships etc. you may feel that you aren't being fair or balanced in those relationships but that is actually something you need to release. nothing is expected of you at this time, release the sensation that you need to make up for or do something in return.

message from spirit: power + 4 of pentacles

conserve your power, and know that you are powerful. dont expend energy you dont have right now, just hold onto it knowing that you have it. im also getting that ancestral work may be important right now. as you are healing, tapping into your ancestors and your lineage may give you the extra support and power supply that you need to recover. ancestors play an important role in supporting, when channeled you can rely on them to give you the energy and the momentum to support you on your healing energy.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey uhm you dont know me or maybe you do. but im the kid that left those stupid tags on one of your posts.

your response was "should we tell everyone. should we throw a party. should we invite Bella Hadid." (just to refresh your memory)

When I added those tags, I thought it was fine. It was more or less banter with a moot in the tags. I didn't think you'd see it or even care. I was tone deaf. and im sorry.

and like, it has been months since i added that in the tags and then you screenshotted and added to the post but i think about it a lot. and i think about what the people in the notes said a lot.

i never meant to be insensitive or anything, i was trying to be light hearted. idk i just needed to get this off my chest.

oh hey what's up lmao

I want to be so clear that I was never angry at you as an individual, it's mostly just like... it's very frustrating as a woman who's moderately gender nonconforming to talk about my frustrations with being expected to shave, wear makeup, etc, and so often be met with people derailing the conversation to talk about how much they love those things.

I want to be so clear: I have absolutely no beef with any woman or any other person doing whatever the fuck they want with their body. shave whatever you want, put on as much or as little makeup as you like, wear whatever clothing makes you happy. I don't feel any animosity towards people who enjoy things that I don't, it's just endlessly tiring to ALWAYS have someone feeling the need to chime in to talk about how much the love stuff that feels totally disconnected from my life specifically when I am trying to talk about that disconnect. and it is genuinely kind of inevitable, I don't think I've ever been able to express that feeling without someone chiming in to talk about how they can't relate at all and feel completely the opposite. which is a fine way to feel, but maybe read the room!

anyway. I know it was a cunty response and I am sorry if that hurt to see. I genuinely do not have any grudge with you, and if anyone has been shitty to you about those tags I am deeply sorry, because that's never something I would have wanted. I appreciate hearing from you 💜

[kumzorg]

Hi uh,, kumzorg. I watched your 'you're too much' video on youtube, and I think it is really cool. I am really interested on how you did the filters for the backgrounds, as in; what program you used and what filters you applied.

Thanks for your time reading this, bye :D!

ok, first thing i have to admit is im really bad with colors so i rely on effects very often, be it level correction or posterisation or whatever, but i hope my explanation will still be of value to you ^^;

long post ahead

for that video every bg except the first one was taken from google maps, so their quality was always high and crisp, which i DONT like

for example first one I took from Shinsei Kamattechan MV "Michinaru hou e": (神聖かまってちゃん - 美ちなる方へ (youtube.com), and the compressed quality looked very nice when applied with tons of effects on it (My apologies to Noko for erasing them (m > <)m

So I'll go with example of another picture I already used, and scale it down

First I correct the levels and contrast so that details that I need pop out more

Then I use krita feature called "Gradient Map", which has a really nice feature that lets you do dithering with transparency

I copy the original picture and now for the second one I simply posterise it

I join the two new ones together, I usually use whatever effect I feel like but I personally really like the one called "Combine Normal Map"

now i copy the original picture AGAIN, and blur it with different constrast levels this time

I use Gradient Map on it again, this time with different dithering settings and color

I combine it with the previous one whily applying effects like Overlay or Burn

Now i'm mostly done, i scale up this new image slightly so that pixels are blurred, for a more washed out effect (plus some additional effects if your heart feels like it)

I posterise it once more so that colors bleed together nicely and now im done!

Just put whatever 2d freak you want over it and what the hell is this now (ಠ_ಠ)

(My first inspiration was from Shizuku VN, it had really cool backgrounds which had dark uneasy atmosphere, so i can kinda understand the comments that said they got a mysterious and liminal feeling from the video lol)

[theellipelli]

I need to eat drywall nostalgic chill is so good GGRRRHAAAHHHHHHHH FIGHTING FOR THE SPOT OF MY FAVORITE FIC EVER RN. Anyway I wanted to ask what ur process is when writing fic? Especially something so lengthy and lore-heavy like nostalgic chill. Been trying to cook up some hsr fic myself but I get so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of world lore ..

your FAVOURITE fic EVER??? that is a lot of praise... waow...

thank u for asking such a fun question!!! my process is very losey goosey, specifically for this fic, but ill try to explain it as best i can

the (VERY) rough outline for this fic has been planned out since long before i actually started posting it, with it getting more detailed near the end (a few of the final chapters have already been drafted, actually)

on the path towards the end ive spread out a few plot points which are either just cool things i want to write about (like all those damn fights) or important character stuff (like the bailiu heart-to-heart and every single jing yuan reality check)

when i start a new chapter, ill usually already know where i want it to end, often one of those pre-planned points. ill spend a few days (or even one or two weeks) thinking about how to continue the story, and then once i have an idea ill like, ill sit down and start writing.

typically, a good idea will be the easiest to write for me. if i get stuck anywhere before reaching the end of the scene, ill usually just scrap it immediately and start over. i try to make each chapter one unbroken scene, so a reached plot-point isnt necessary for the chapter to end.

like, for the most recent 2 chapters, the plot-point ive been writing towards is jing yuan meeting the master diviner, which was a VERY important thing that needed to happen before anything else. of course, everything is also following an overarching goal, which is mostly just jing yuans character arc, and that is built towards in the narration between major events. also worldbuilding i guess.

on the research side, i dont have much to say? my grasp on the xianzhou lore is already pretty solid (its my favourite area) so a lot of the research i do lore-wise is just double-checking that i have my facts straight. also, reading the xianzhou lore is good for inspiration, if im really lacking in that, which is unusual but not impossible.

i dont think my process is especially unique? its definitely not very structured, but thats unusual even for me. idk tldr i think of cool stuff i want to write about and then fill in the gaps between those cool stuff. tis fun

as thanks for asking such a fun question, here is a little yanqing for you. kisses. mwah. blessed be the indulgence.

[velvetvexations]

just need to rant but today i found out that the author of the pills that make you green comics is against the use of transandrophobia as a term and i feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest. literally her comics were so affirming and felt so transmasc positive and now shes reblogging posts saying that "pro transandrophobe" people are like gamergate men. im hurting so much inside and i dont know what to do. i just want somewhere safe, i want safe blogs that are affirming and not always debating whether or not my oppression is real. i feel like even though its so bad for my mental health, the only place where im safe is discourse blogs, because i Know what their stances are, im safe with blogs like yours and corey's, even if seeing the arguments hurt it hurts less than feeling tricked and lied to. im sorry, i dont have anything really Important to say i just needed to vent 🥺😭

maybe, do you know any pro-transmasc blogs that do more positivity rather than engaging in discourse? i think i really need more of that on my dashboard

@tpwrtrmnky As my anon pointed out when I asked if they'd allow me to tag you in this response, you've already deleted the post that inspired this ask and you say you're going to address why you were unsatisfied with it soon, so I'll wait before adding, if you would consent to it, my own commentary. However, I'd appreciate it if you could read what's been written because it's very emotionally moving to me and I feel as though it's important for you to hear it. Thank you.

I want to say to you, anon, that I understand how it feels. Similar things have happened to me, which I won't get into so as to avoid discussion on if the situations are entirely comparable or not because that's not really the point, and it's crushing.

As to your question, as a result of how easily I'm triggered I follow practically no one who ever even mentions queer issues at all so I'm unfortunately not the best to ask for recommendations of that nature. I recently started following Corey's side blog where he sometimes does trying to keep it mostly positive, but since you mentioned him you're probably aware of that'n (corezy if anyone else would like it).

If anyone else has any recommendations please put them in the replies or send me an ask.