#no one cares about Skyrim these days (fair) but really it’s a game for me to dress people up and play dolls with them

[lesbianfakir]

Ok, you asked people to ask about your Skyrim PC.

I do not know Skyrim at all.

Who in the world is your Skyrim pc?

Yayyyy thank you I get to infodump! I’m going to keep away from going to lore heavy so ppl who haven’t played Skyrim can understand.

My girlie, Lothiri, belongs to a race of elves that went extinct thousands of years ago. She was frozen in time for about 5 thousand years (according to the lore I think??) and when she finally does wake up everyone she’s every known and loved is dead and her homeland has been completely taken over by the people who drove her race to extinction. She looks for signs of survivors for a while, eventually giving up and becoming super jaded and misanthropic.

So roughly 35 years pass (she’s an elf she lives a long time) and the events of Skyrim kickstart her on a quest where she’s the only person who can save the world (this is just base Skyrim, you play as a Chosen One(TM)). Only problem? She fucking hates everyone and hopes they all die.

Anyways her story is about falling back in love with the world and finding reasons to live again. She makes some friends and while she can’t bring herself to care about the world as a whole she doesn’t want her friends to die if the world ends and okay maybe sooooooome people don’t deserve to die and….

Yeag. I wanted a character who functioned as a story about severe loss/depression + starting over. I took a lil inspo from dungeon meshi in that most of her friends are human and she will outlive them which terrifies her. A big part of her arc is learning to still look for the good in life after loss, but also I’m SAD because her partner is literally planning to spend their entire lives together and I’m like babygirl…she’s an elf… you’re a human….

She started as the party healer, ended up dating the party tank, and then accidentally became so OP she can be a healer OR a tank these days (she cares a lot about her squishy friends and tries to draw the fire off of them)

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 11/11/2024

Radical Halation

Season 2 Featured on: Rips of Christmas Past Also on: Now That's What I Call Quality!

Ripped by wheel able, wolfman1405, David Morales Boroff

Birthday Special!

Anniversaries, anniversaries...how they come, how they go. This week in particular is a pretty special anniversary, not just for the release of hit game The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, but for the release of ME: My birthday!

It's surreal how vividly I still remember when I wrote Your Silent Reality for my last birthday, covering a SiIvaGunner rip that's sat with me long since I first heard it due to the emotional ties I have to the material it utilizes. I began this entire blog as a way to give me writing practice, and I'd like to think I've grown a fair bit as a writer in the time since; but nevertheless, even a year and a half since the blog's begun, my emotional attachment to Season 2 of SiIvaGunner remains as firm as ever. The channel's output has grown to be more impressive than ever before, and last year's Season 7 in particular has had me in a chokehold with rips like Beautiful Dreamer (late but- happy birthday Minindo!) and The Paragoomba and the Wiggler...and yet, I will always keep coming back to the rips of that second season, to the rips that defined my ride-or-die fixation to the channel, and to the season that more than any other gave me feelings for things I didn't even know I was capable of caring so deeply about. Indeed, in direct contrast to last year's birthday rip, Radical Halation was the kind of gift I never knew I needed, yet one I will never stop treasuring.

Way back when I covered the rip Eterna's Cocoon, I wrote about how special it is to me to know that rippers on the team will continue to champion the works which have long since faded from public consciousness. Sure, SiIvaGunner leverages then-current events for comedy a fair number of times; a previous post on the blog's covered one such example in Lagplane, and one of the channel's most revered events back on Your Best Nightmario only came about as a result of a viral meme from that same timeframe. Yet just as often - if not moreso - the channel operates within its own bubble of time, with no care in the world for relevance or target audiences, a team making rips in huge part just for their own enjoyment. Take, for instance, the 1999 SquareSoft JRPG Chrono Cross; a game that, six years before its remaster in 2022, still existed as nary but a memory to many. Nevertheless, it was a memory treasured by two rippers in particular, a duo who had already impressed me time and time again throughout the channel's first two years. Be it Sog-Gee Ambiance, voiceless, Kass' Theme, or their previous collaborative work on 28 Saves Later, wheel able's stellar touch for arrangement and wolfman1405's unbelievable talents as a jazz performer are both some of the absolute highlights across the channel's early run. When the time came for one of the most important anniversaries relevant to the SiIvaGunner channel, the two took the opportunity to also honor a forgotten classic they both cherished – and in doing so, Radical Halation ironically became one of the first times I ever engaged with Chrono Cross. With the game's anniversary also just two days away, and the rip lying so close to my heart, I see no better time than to reciprocate that passion all these years later.

The sheer quality of Radical Halation should be made evident just a few seconds into listening; this is, as Wolfman1405 in particular specializes in, a ground-up cover and performance of the original Radical Dreamers ~ Unstolen Jewel theme from Chrono Cross. The original theme already had a shockingly acoustic sound to it for its era, really plucking at the emotions just a few chords in; that emotional rawness in the track may well have been the core reason why it was chosen to celebrate this anniversary in particular. Indeed, the anniversary I alluded to beforehand as being one of the channel's most crucial is that of the very song the rip title alludes to, the song that sits at the very emotional core of SiIvaGunner's entire being: Snow Halation from Love Live. I wrote back on Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix) that the Grand Dad meme is like the beating heart of SiIvaGunner's creative spirit, being the core that created the entire channel; by that same logic, I feel as if Snow Halation is like SiIvaGunner's *emotional* core, its "soul" for lack of a better term. Grand Dad may be the spark that sets new rippers into action even all these years later, but Snow Halation was the first thing that people got EMOTIONALLY attached to on SiIvaGunner – it was the core behind its first story arc of SiIvaGunner: Rebooted, it continues to effectively serve as the "protagonist" to the Christmas Comeback Crisis storyline – and its use throughout the channel continues to feel like a reminder of that same attachment, the one that the channel has to all of us. It's an openly sappy, almost overbearing song, yet one that represents so much about the love of remixing and rearranging that SiIvaGunner continues to focus on all these years later.

You take that emotionally-charged melody, put it in the hands of two stellar arrangers, and inject it into an arrangement of an emotional melody the soundscape of which said aforementioned rippers already appear to hold a close attachment to, and the end result is exactly what Radical Halation shows us. Throughout 2016, throughout the entirety of Season 1 of SiIvaGunner, we as the audience had gone on such an emotional rollercoaster regarding out attachment to the channel, its creatives, and its memes, with Snow Halation at the very center of it all; with the channel returned just in time for the holidays, it also happened to return just in time for Snow Halation's anniversary on December 22nd, ever so coincidentally aligned with the time upon which we were all wholly, earnestly in love with everything the song had come to represent. Many months before Season 3 and beyond would begin feeding irony into the discussion of appreciation for these melodies, right as the Christmas Comeback Crisis was just kicking into gear, and just long enough after the channel's return had occurred to make us truly accept that it was back, Radical Halation's release window struck gold in a way only truly comparable to the rips of the Season 1 finale a la Do for LOVE and THANK YOU FOR RIPPING.

I'm of course not aiming to frame Radical Halation as just being "the right thing at the right time"; beyond that emotional attachment, the simple fact of the matter still remains that its a hauntingly beautiful arrangement, even close to 8 years later. Radical Dreamers ~ Unstolen Jewel's beauty sinks in just from the acoustic guitar lead-in, and is only emphasized by the time the rip's true "twist" sets in, of its lead melody being that of a Snow Halation arrangement played on violin. The two halves form an incredible, inseperable whole; not confined by the restrictions of a mashup, the hand-made nature of this arrangement means that both the guitar and violin segments are free to fill in for one another, to emphasize the sounds of Radical Dreamers ~ Unstolen Jewel or the melody of Snow Halation to different degrees on a moment-to-moment basis. I particularly love the section after the Snow Halation melody first plays - at around 0:47, the violin seamlessly leaves the Snow Halation melody and instead takes cues from the source track, yet never stops feeling as if its all from the same arrangement, even upon returning to Snow Halation at 01:10. The rip throughout has the same feeling as the best and most carefully-constructed mashups of today a la Eazystep or Maroonbound whilst in reality being a completely new arrangement and performance.

The visuals of the rip are of course just the cherry on top of it all. Viewers are made immediately aware that the rip is going to be something special not just through its audio, but from the cold-open visuals of pitch blackness fading into a view of the ocean from underneath the surface, the logo fading in just as the melody's played its first few notes. These visuals only change once Snow Halation is first quoted in the audio, changing from the undersea depths to the view of a beachside in winter, a quite literal mash-up of Chrono Cross' dreamy seasides and the snow-covered comfort of Snow Halation. None of this visual detail is particularly "necessary", it's not here to further a punchline; rather, in the spirit of rips like i love(d) you, the visuals serve to punctuate the emotional core of the rip. Visuals in any rip are a surprise, an often-time momentous occasion, and Radical Halation combines that knowledge with its purpose of celebrating Snow Halation's first-ever anniversary celebration on the SiIvaGunner channel to create a rip that, even with no ties to Chrono Cross at the time of watching, I just KNEW would be special back in 2016 just three seconds in.

All these years later, and a rip as special, profound and heartfelt as Radical Halation still manages to feel...forgotten about, in many ways, sitting at less than 25K views as of writing. In that sense, Chrono Cross may have been a more apt game to use for this tribute than its rippers initially thought; all these years later, despite its clear emotional core, the passion that went into it and the release of its remaster, the game remains a jewel swept away by the tides of the industry. We're soon nearing nine whole years of the SiIvaGunner channel's run, and with every day I run this blog I'm made all the more aware of how many gems just like Radical Halation continue to slip by the cracks, how much joy and love the channel's team crams into so much of its output despite never having any sort of guarantee that its audience will reciprocate that love.

But, even all those years ago, Radical Halation did reach me. And even so many years before the idea of this blog was even a consideration, before I was knee-deep in thought about the channel's existence and the people involved in its upkeep...I knew that I wanted to thank its creators. I knew that it was a rip that could only have been made out of outpouring love; love for a game years old, love for a channel that was still standing shakily, love for a leitmotif and its impact on an audience...and most of all, the love of creating and performing music outright.

I held onto those thoughts, kept them stashed away in the back of my mind – yet I feel as if subconsciously, they were part of why wolfman1405's arrangement and performance of Sunday Morning, three years later, hit me as hard as it did. The song was different, the subject was different, the context was different, the "joke" was no longer there; and yet it was as if Wolfman1405's creative, emotional spirit, that I'd felt so prominently years past, had never left. Put simply, beyond its inherent qualities that I'll forever applaud wheel able and wolfman1405 for, I feel...indebted to Radical Halation: it may well just be one rip, but its one of the most core pieces I can think of for why my love for the channel continues to this very day.

[awesomechocolatesauce]

Astarion: "You know, I didn't care for you when we first met. But I do now. Being with you is about more than lust or manipulating you into a tactical alliance. I love you. I love this. And I want it all."

---

Did I replay this scene over and over to get screenshots? Perhaps.

This scene just... it's so important to me. He takes her to his grave, where his mortal life ended and his slavery began. Then, after he's truly free, he decides he wants to live again, so he carves another year into the tombstone and turns to his love and says "I love you. I want you. I want it all."

He's starting out this "new life" by making love to the person who was by his side since the day they met, even though he threatened her with a dagger to her throat (which is hot, don't come at me). And he's making love to her on top of the place that started his two hundred years of torment, so now he reclaimed it, as well as his bodily autonomy. Symbolic, and also...hot.

Honestly, as a full time console player, mods never really mattered to me. I'm one of those people who plays vanilla Skyrim and Sims and is perfectly content with my limitations...except for this scene. With the free cam mod, it shows him climbing on top of her while hooking her leg with his knee as he lays her down onto her back in a passionate kiss. Hey, Larian, WHY YOU GOTTA HIDE THAT?! Biggest crime! Jail!

I've seen some people say how "weird" it is to have sex on top of his grave, and I'm just like "Uh...why?" Compared to the other things you can do in this game (bear scene, the Emperor scene, Haarlep), this is far more normal. It's not like he's still buried there, or anyone else is, so it's fair game in my eyes. Also, you decided to romance a damn vampire! What exactly did you expect? A feather bed covered in rose petals? Nah, we're doing a graveyard smash!

I plan on posting more screenshots as I play through Act 3 on the intent of actually finishing this damn game, so stay tuned. 💕

[aladaylessecondblog]

Faal Hah Wuld, pt. 16

Sadrith,

We found the brush. It's yours when you next visit.

-Vex

----

Dear Sadrith,

I hope this letter finds you well. I write to you now from Solstheim, where I have now been living. I had thought I might continue to travel with the khajiit, but it seems my age is catching up with me. After solving a particularly unsettling situation in Raven Rock, I found myself gifted with a home, and it is here I have settled. Settled, me! It is a ridiculous idea, really, to think that after a lifetime of roving, both with the Urshilaku and the khajiit, I am finally inclined to stay in one place.

Yet here I am. The letter you provided was quite handy when I encountered a brother of that Mallory fellow you spoke of, as it turns out his brother is the town blacksmith, and he showed me how to put up one of those marks your guild is so fond of. So everyone knows I'm not to be stolen from. The guild takes care of their own, he says.

I know you don't do well with long passages so I will end this letter as I always do. Remember that you brought me hope as you brought it to all of Skyrim.

- your loving mother

----------------------

Sadrith gave a slight smile as she looked over the second letter the courier had delivered, and tucked it away with some of the others from her mother. Whenever she was having a particularly bad day she would reread some of them, and...it would help. Sometimes if the day was especially bad it wouldn't be much, but a little spot of light was better than none when her mind darkened.

"What's this about a brush?"

She had been so focused on reading the letters that she'd hardly noticed Torovan as he slipped up behind her.

"None of your--" she tucked away the first letter as Torovan sat down next to her, "Has anyone ever told you that it's rude to look over another person's private letters?"

"My apologies for wanting to know if you were looking over anything more you might have fond on those...golden bandits we encountered."

Sadrith took a deep breath. "Just...don't sneak up on me like that. And it's...a delicate letter. From someone I'd not like you to yap about. Oddly enough, it's from someone a lot like you."

"And how might that be, exactly?" Torovan took a sip from the mug she ordered for him and gave a brief wince.

"Stick up her ass. S'pose she's got a reason for it, though, so I imagine you do too." She shrugged, and went on nibbling at the meal before her. Her appetite was deader than dead, but she was forcing food down knowing they'd have to go through Helgen and the mountains...if she didn't eat, there'd probably be hell to pay later.

And she could not show weakness to this one-eyed mer. Whatever reason he might have for acting the way he did.

"Sadrith!"

"Ugh," Torovan said under his breath, "Do you know everyone in this forsaken village?"

"As a matter of fact I do." She gave him a brief smile, which seemed to surprise him. She looked off to the side to see Camilla, emerging from the room that had once led to Delphine's secret staircase. "Camilla! I've heard congratulations are in order."

"Oh...yes." For a moment her face shifted about. "Well, after seeing the games Sven and Faendal were playing, I realized...I wanted someone unlikely to do that."

"Orgnar is a man of few words, but all of them are straight-forward. You couldn't have chosen better. Orgnar, you happy?" she looked to the bartender.

"Happy as a man ought to be when he's married," the man replied, without looking up from the glass he was cleaning. There was a slight mote of emotion--small, but there. He was happy, despite not showing it very well.

"I'm glad to hear it. Perhaps you'd like a wedding gift?"

"You're spending money here, that's all the gift I need."

"Fair enough." Sadrith gave a little laugh.

Torovan sat beside her a little while longer as Camilla chattered about how things were going. How Orgnar had built a basement and how being allowed to actually DO things to help out had been wonderful. Sadrith struggled to pay attention to it but she nodded, and smiled, and retained enough to make small remarks now and then. On the whole, when Camilla left to head to get some salmon from the river, she seemed quite pleased with the conversation.

"She seems happier now. You're lucky, Orgnar."

"Sure am."

Sadrith went back to trying to eat. Torovan said something about going to pick over the meager offerings at Lucan's shop, and after denying her saying she'd go with him, he waved off her concern and left.

Something else is going on here, it must be. He doesn't seem to need or want me taking him to Riften. Why am I here?

He was clearly an enemy of the Thalmor, as was Sigurd...so there was no purpose in having her along. Unless it was simply to have someone else to watch his back. But in that case, why not simply hire any random mercenary? There would be plenty of them who would be happy to take a few hundred gold to make the trip. Perhaps they wanted to make contact with the Thieves Guild and saw her as the in...or...

As no answer revealed itself, and the matter wasn't especially pressing to her mind, she eventually drifted back to forcing herself to eat the meal she'd already paid for.

She managed to get down the rest of the salmon, and sat sipping at a mug of ale, still thinking over Vex's letter. The brush. Finally. After months of searching and paying for information and shelling out damn near the entire fortune she'd amassed from the scales and bones of dragons--the brush was hers.

"Strongest you have."

The voice was all khajiiti accents, and sounded off so suddenly beside her that she nearly dropped her drink. The khajiit--a calico dotted here and there with dark spots, clad in a black robe that seemed to shimmer with stars -- took a seat beside her and gestured to Orgnar.

A lone cat that isn't M'aiq...?

"That'll be the argonian bloodwine. Expensive."

Some gold was produced. Orgnar took it and got out the large aqua bottle, then poured a small glass.

"That's always a good choice," Sadrith said, raising her mug slightly. "Useful for breathing underwater..."

"Not that I need such things." The khajiit finished the glass, and poured himself another. He turned to her, and gave a toothy grin. "Perhaps you'd like to share in it?"

Something about him felt...off. But that was a feeling she had fairly often, so she brushed it aside.

"Ah, no, I don't want to take something so expensive," she waved absently, "You've paid some pretty coin for that..."

There was a feeling that she'd missed something. Forgotten something, and she hated that she couldn't figure out what in oblivion it was.

"And it's rude to refuse a gift."

"You're right," she replied, and slid her mug over. "Not too much, though, I've got to get on the road soon."

And, she added mentally, for the skooma to actually work, I need to be sober. Trying to drink while taking skooma never ended well; she seemed to get drunk faster and stay drunk longer.

She shut her eyes momentarily, and found herself taking in a sharp breath when upon opening them she saw the hands holding the bottle of bloodwine were covered in black fur instead of the mottled color they had been before.

"The scent is a bit strong," the khajiit said, "Perhaps I should have let it breathe for longer."

"It's fine." Sadrith gulped hard, and forced herself to look up at his face. It was dark too, just like the hands...paws...she'd just looked at.

Gods, not again. This isn't supposed to happen unless I take too much. It's fine. It's fine, it's only his fur color. It's FINE.

Deep breath. It didn't help. It never did.

"And what brings you to Riverwood?" she asked, in a vain attempt to stave off her sudden bout of nerves. "It's not often one meets a khajiit that's not part of a caravan."

"A job," he replied, gesturing after slowly draining another glass of the bloodwine. "There's someone I mean to keep an eye on...track."

"Sounds a hazardous job. I hope your quarry's not hard to track." Perhaps this was the one Sigurd had warned of? Maybe it wasn't only the Thalmor he'd been worried about.

"On the contrary, my quarry is quite easy to track."

A blink. Now he was no longer a khajiit, despite the persistence of the accent, but now an Altmer. Yet the robe remained the same, distracting in its dark way, glittering here, darkening there...

"...so obvious, a child could do it."

"Oh? Then why have you not yet caught them? Assuming you wish to, I mean. It's not really my business, I'm sorry, but you've piqued my curiosity."

Keep it together, keep it together

"I take no offense." Another grin. "In fact, I should be glad of your help."

For a brief second Sadrith swore his teeth were longer. She shoved the thought back. This was a skooma hallucination, nothing more.

Act as though nothing is wrong. You can do this, Sadrith. You must. If Torovan returns and you're still in this state--

"You are the dragonborn after all, as much set to wandering as any caravan of khajiit."

White fur, black spots. The fear was peaking and she reached for the bottle.

"How can I help you, then?"

The khajiit took the bottle from her, and poured her out a bit more bloodwine.

"Tell me how I might deal with someone on the run, once they are caught? I never fail to catch my prey. Either I find them sooner due to a combination of skill and luck, or later, when they become aware I am following..."

"And begin to panic? They get more dangerous that way. I should know, with all the bandits I've collected bounties on. Got a few scars from...from cornering them."

"Yet you always come out the victor." Again that toothy grin that unsettled her. "The magnificent dragonborn...bandit killer, dragonslayer, feller of foes from Markarth to Windhelm. A bloody force that Boethiah herself would be proud of."

"Because I am here, and they are not." Sadrith thought of the book regarding the summoning of Boethiah, desperate to think of anything but the chaos unfolding before her. "I would prefer to avoid killing if possible, but...some people make it necessary."

"You see it as a duty, then. Perhaps the Dark Brotherhood would suit you."

"I hardly think a group of assassins know much about duty. Devotion to sending people to the void by bloody murder, maybe."

Another glass.

"And I eliminated them. I don't care for Sithis and his ilk."

Sadrith blinked, and the khajiit's fur changed again, back to the black.

"No, clearly not, if you so eagerly move to commit such a feat. But I am curious...do you have no fear of death? Most would balk at the danger."

"Danger is in my blood." She laughed nervously, trying desperately to shake off the rising anxiety. "I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of not living."

It's only your mind playing tricks on you. That's it. That's all. He's a normal man and you're just seeing things.

"Everyone is afraid of death. Everyone wants to go in their bed, at a great age, surely you are no different."

Why do you CARE?

It didn't matter. There was nothing outside her head that scared her more than what was inside, anyway.

Blink. Tan fur, white hands. Paws.

What is HAPPENING? Has Shegg--Sheogorath come to claim my mind?

"Excuse the dark and dreary talk," the khajiit finally said, "I've taken so many bounties my mind thinks mainly in metaphors of death...however chaotic they might seem to those with a heroic bent, like yourself. But tell me...I am curious, I ask this question of everyone. How do you imagine you will die?"

"In glorious battle defending someone, or something, I imagine," Sadrith replied easily. "I spend a lot of time adventuring...so it only makes sense it should be how I leave the world."

"A woman of Shor's own heart."

Orgnar dropped something, and as he muttered bent over to clean it up. Sadrith finished what remained of her drink, and took another deep breath.

"Dragonborn!"

Torovan's voice rang out suddenly from the doorway. Sadrith looked back, and waved him over, turned--

--and dropped her own mug.

The seat beside her was empty. The only hint that anyone had been there was the cup beside her own, and the half-drunk bottle of argonian bloodwine. She handed the mug back to Orgnar and muttered some excuse of needing to get moving.

I was seeing things. Hearing things. That's it. That's all. I just--don't remember ordering the wine. I must have done that myself, and just...I just forgot. ...keep it together, keep it together!

"If you're sufficiently pickled, we should get a move on."

"Right. Right, yes." Sadrith was for once glad of Torovan's stern orders; they simplified things quite a bit. She gathered her things and headed for the door with him.

"I hope you've not made yourself unfit for travel."

"Some ale and not even half a bottle of bloodwine won't do much to me," she replied, and glanced here and there as they went outside, wondering if the hallucinations would stop with that khajiit. "Your concern is...is touching, of course."

Sadrith saw nothing more, though she was still looking for anything out of the ordinary.

She forced a smile for him. Not until they passed through Riverwood's back gate, on the road to Helgen, did he speak again.

"Tell me," he said, "How is it you are so undaunted by insults or slights against your character? Where is the desire to defend your honor?"

"I grew up in a khajiit caravan. The petty things you throw at me don't compare to the things I was called as a child. Or the things I've heard from Thalmor."

The gentle sound of the running river near them soothed her mind just slightly, and she tried to focus it to further ease her unsteady mind. But Torovan spoke again, breaking her fragile concentration.

"Do you often provoke them, then? No...no, don't bother answering that question. Perhaps what I should ask is what you've done to earn their ire."

Sadrith latched onto the topic eagerly. A distraction, that was what she needed. Something to put the khajiit from her mind--a strategy she often employed in distressing circumstances like these. "Are you sure you want to hear? Will you insult me over that also? If you do...I beg you to do better at it."

"I would be pleased to hear it, actually. They have not made themselves popular, and it is always good to hear of such people being...taken down a peg."

"You? Enjoying humiliating one of them? I'm surprised you wouldn't simply leave that sort of thing to the Archmage. The nords have more of a cause to hate the Thalmor than we do."

"The enemies of my friend are my enemies also," Torovan stated evenly. "His devotion to my welfare is such that it could be no other way. I would not be standing here before you if he hadn't taken such pains to save my life."

She thought again of Lydia.

"And how do I know that you are not some part of a Thalmor plot, hmm?" She then realized her error late, and quickly tried to correct herself, cover it up, with, "The letter we picked off that group seems a point in your favor, of course. But you did say I shouldn't trust you, and I hesitate to do it anyway. Tall, dark, brooding - you are the sort of man I read of in novels, who usually has some danger attached to him."

"Brooding!" Torovan laughed. "Now you have gone too far. I do not brood. Will you answer my question or no? What have you done to upset the Thalmor, besides that business with the embassy?"

"I broke a nord out of one of their fortresses," she replied, "His mother asked I look into his disappearance...and some clues lead me to a fortress in the Northwest."

"Ah, so Sigurd has YOU to blame for their increasing presence in the Sea of Ghosts."

"For WHAT?" Sadrith burst out. "Are the Thalmor skulking around Winterhold? If he needs them cleared out, I could do it as easily as I did at the fortress."

"All of them on your own?"

"If need be."

"You are every bit as foolish as Sigurd once was. He too is eager to take command and right the wrongs and ills he sees before him. Do you think it your responsibility as he does, or do you simply like the glory?"

"Both," Sadrith replied. "To see a smile, or relief, on a face and know I was the reason for it - that is what I want to see when I enter a village, or one of the cities here."

"You could settle right now and be satisfied with all you've done...and still see those looks when you receive visitors." Torovan went on in the same vein, but she tuned most of it out. "You killed the World-Eater, and need do nothing more."

"If I don't, then who will?" Sadrith shrugged. "I'm not made to be idle...stay in one place. I get an itch under my skin to move if I try. Natural, considering I grew up in a caravan with a mother who herself hailed from an ashlander tribe. Wandering is in my blood."

"Indeed it is."

They were silent until reaching the Guardian Stones.

"You clearly do not need me," she said suddenly, stopping to look at the Thief stone, "And I know you won't tell me the reason for my being here...but I know there must be something else."

"The reason is that my friend is overprotective of me, and wants me looked after more than I feel is necessary. With the dragons about, he wanted extra caution taken."

"You do not mean me harm, do you?"

"Of course not."

She stared a little while. The anxiety was finally receding but all she could think was--the hallucination of the khajiit was so contained within the Sleeping Giant and nothing else outside it had been seen, perhaps it was merely having met Delphine there that kicked it off? The unpleasant memory of that woman, maybe, that stirred her skooma-addled mind into a frenzy without her even realizing it? At times her body seemed wholly disconnected from her mind, and where she felt no inward worry her body would refuse to believe the fact and feel its effects anyway. But she hadn't felt any such thing in the inn...no nausea in her stomach or ache of the head, nothing of the sort.

What then had caused the hallucination? She wasn't worried, truly, she merely wanted to understand. To prevent it happening again.

"If you meant me harm, you would have done it already, with all the chances you've had. You could've drained me dry and left me in the Barrow and no one would have been the wiser. Hungry as you were..."

That reminded her of something else. Another subject to stop herself thinking overmuch on the hallucination.

"I'm curious," she said, "I've never had the...appetites that those like you have. Never had to tell the difference between difference kinds of blood...what makes mine any different than the regular? Is it more filling?"

"In a way," Torovan replied, as she turned and lead him further up the path. "I cannot strike the feeling from my mind that I have tasted it somewhere before."

His tone here made her wish she could see his face.

"Unless you have preyed on me in the night some time ago, I doubt it. Not that I would say no to your bowing over me as you did before."

"I say again: you trust too easily. You seem aware of the danger I pose and yet you flaunt it as a less experienced mercenary would. Do you think yourself safe from harm?"

"I think what is outside is less frightening than what is inside." The words were out before she could stop them, and the hope she felt that he hadn't heard her properly was immediately dashed when he turned to face her. She hunted frantically for something to say and settled on, "Think what you will of me, but if I should set the safety of an entire province on your shoulders I'd wager your mind would not be as pleasant a place as before."

Torovan didn't seem to have a response.

"At any rate," she went on, "I prefer to think of more pleasant things, if I can. It keeps the mind busy, stops it from taking all the weight at once. Joy in little places - that helps me bend, rather than break."

"And here I thought you to be the sort of person information must be coaxed from," Torovan replied, "I see now I need not have worried. Information gushes from your mouth like a river. Reckless, talkative...it is a wonder you have maintained a reputation for discretion with qualities like these."

"Secret keeping is not my job, and there hasn't yet been something too important that I must keep quiet." Aside from Delphine and Esbern's locations, of course. "I leave that to others of the Guild."

"Suppose you came into information that would enable you to relieve Tamriel of some Thalmor? Would you share THAT?"

"If the one from whom I learned it desired me to. When I hear of Thalmor, however, I tend to..." She drifted off. "I have said enough."

"No, tell me," Torovan said, his voice suddenly sharp. "When you think of Thalmor, you do what?"

"Why should I, when you tell me nothing of yourself? Am I being judged, is that what this is? You want something more to..." She took a deep breath, and tried to calm herself down. Getting worked up could only end poorly. Maybe she'd see that khajiit again, or maybe as a treat a dragon that wasn't actually there. "Fine. When I hear of Thalmor...I get angry. A bully should be smacked down, and if no one else has the wherewithal or ability to do it, then..."

"Then it shall be you?"

"Then it shall be me." She gave a momentary grin, wider than her usual. "Not that I would say no to aid or guidance, but who would be willing to help me? Certainly not General Tullius or any of the Imperials."

Sadrith could not stop, could not make herself stop. Her mouth refused the very idea.

"Ulfric is being led by a leash he cannot even see, so he is no better. Not to mention the dislike his ilk have for mine. He would be the better choice for..."

And then just as suddenly it shifted, and she could find herself just as unwilling to speak. On a septim it pivoted, and she felt all the embarrassment of it.

"You've give this a lot of thought, haven't you? Perhaps the imperial dogs and Stormcloaks should let YOU figure this all out."

"I'm not a leader," Sadrith said, "That is the problem of this whole thing. I could sort it, but I don't want to be king or queen or anything like that. I don't wish to lead armies, perhaps a charge, but not the whole army. I'm more of a soldier than a general. A weapon to be turned against the one who needs reminding what happens when you poke sleeping dragons."

Oh, yes, how she would love to show the Thalmor that...

As they approached Helgen, her mind was alight with possibilities for scaring them--what good would it be to defeat them without some element of terror to make them regret all they'd done? All they were trying to do?

Torovan brought her back to reality.

"I see I shall have to get back out my larger fur robe," he said, grumbling at the cold around them as he stopped and reached into one of his bags. "I will be surprised if you can make it half the way across this accursed back way before you start ruing the day you took this job."

"Pay no attention to any grumbling. I complain, but I do what must be done anyway." Sadrith shrugged. "The issue will be seeing once we get farther up."

She took out her map, and pointed to a spot on it, which he leaned over to glance at.

"There's a cave called Haemar's Shame around this spot. We might not entirely NEED to stop for a night's rest there but it'll be a good spot to stop and warm up before we go on. Shake the chill out of our bones and all. I'll gather up some kindling as we go and we'll have ourselves a good little fire."

"And then?"

"We can make a quick stop at Ivarstead." Sadrith looked up then, towards the gates of Helgen.

"You picked a bad time to get lost, friend!"

"And a stop here to get you something to eat."

The gates swung open, and two bandits charged forward.

Torovan raised his hands, charged a fire spell, and gave a dark laugh that left her tingling.

Tall, dark, and deadly

She shoved the map in her pocket and readied her sword, eager now to blot out not fears of hallucination, but the mental image of the torso beneath Torovan's robes.

[zydrateacademy]

Starfield Addendum: Ryujin and Stealth Design

I posted my review on Steam and here on Tumblr before completing the Ryujin questline. There's things to like about it but the penultimate mission was an awful experience.

Disclaimer: There are spoilers. I don't get into specifics on the who's and what's and I don't name names so even reading this post you can still mostly experience the story on your own. I just kind of spoil the general expectations and layouts of certain missions.

Side thought: I've already been told that there's a 'cheesy' way to blitz through the questline. Ryujin doesn't want you to ever murder anyone but they actually don't ever really care if you're marked as 'caught'. So there's a strategy of literally sprinting through the missions, hitting the objectives, eating food and medpaks and just escaping the area. In theory you'll still get the bonus rewards.

Just in case someone wants to "um actually" parts of this post. I just don't feel that that's the intended style of gameplay here. So let me start with the stealth.

Playing the game normally, still doing my first run clocking at about 24 hours. Some main quest, some side stuff, some spacefaring, some contraband. All of it trying to stealth through most encounters.

Just kind of experiencing the game as a first timer. At first stealth was a chore, nigh impossible beyond the first hit. I got an early lucky drop when an enemy bandit gave me a suppressed pistol (my review talks about how stupidly obtuse crafting is, ~24 hours and I still can't really kit all my own stuff out yet, just wearing what was dropped or rewarded) that luckily had a scope on it and stealth finally became a viable option even when I was only one or two perks into the stealth skill. So stealth is sadly not something you can just dive into, at least not in the same way as Skyrim.

I haven't tested stealth melee but judging from the low damage numbers I can't imagine it being very good. The stealth perk only gives bonuses to suppressed weapons, not melee attacks. So very quickly, melee could potentially fall behind. There's a blurb somewhere on TVtropes on Starfield that mentions that melee is almost completely useless as 98% of enemies will be shooting at you. I only see a melee enemy once in a while, meanwhile Starfield follows the same formulae of "dungeon bosses" that they did in Skyrim. The area's boss can be about 8-15 levels above you and they can hit incredibly hard with the scaling so it's a bad time to try and rush them while they're dumping bullets on full automatic.

So there's no sneaky stabby here, the game's main stealth conceit is making sure you're a suppressed sniper. And I haven't even acquired a proper sniper rifle yet but I have a silenced pistol and single shot rifle that do just fine.

Now, shooting a spacer in the head will still put your stealth meter in the orange and force enemies to patrol. I think over a decade of Skyrim (and even some in Fallout 4) have made the open world RPG gamer community a bit complacent, as everyone seems to miss the days where you could silently pick enemies off without their mates knowing. But if a spacer sees their heavily armored mate hit the deck with a crack in their helmet and blood on the ground, they will of course start doing some patrolling. They'll give up the search eventually.

However, enemy sight lines are both incredibly wide and far reaching to the point where there's a mod with 170,000 downloads trying to nerf them. I might have to get it.

So let's veer into the game's stealth faction, Ryujin Industries. Supposedly this game's version of the Thieves Guild, with Neon City serving as a cyberpunk version of Riften. Their introduction was neat, giving me a fair bit of Arasaka-but-worse, with their black/red motif and Japanese ownership. I liked their vibe, especially since I am effectively playing the same character I do on 2077.

I briefly had a few warning signs before being given one very good mission, then it went downhill.

First, Ryujin has a fairly strict no-murder policy. Now I have no idea if they actually kick you out or not because I tried to play by their rules for the experience but I do know you get chastised if you do actually kill anyone. This actually proves to be a huge detriment as you can't eliminate patrollers without angering your employers. I think they took Skyrim's TG as a lesson about how you could murderhobo your way through that questline without much of an issue but they forgot to split the difference. Starfield could have benefitted from Oblivion's style where if you kill someone in the same interior as where your job is supposed to be, you get kicked out of the guild. In Skyrim, Fallout, and otherwise I think Beth doesn't want people to lose out on content so they try to make everything accessible. They should be appealing to logic. If you fucked up, reload a last save you filthy animal.

The first five or so missions are like a baby's introduction to basic espionage. Go hack someone's computer, go slip this item in someone's storage, go talk to a guard to get their keycard (though I think I could have actually just pickpocketed them for that one). There's no danger or any real threat as long as you're not playing a braindead murderhobo.

To contrast, Skyrim's thieves guild sets you loose pretty quickly. You have the two radiant questgivers, all give 7 or so different "types" of missions to pick from. (This comes as a post-questline reward for Ryujin). So you can pick up two (more with mods) of those and go to the island estate to sneak around a bandit-controlled base. Now it still encourages stealth because those mercenaries have absolutely ungodly amounts of hitpoints, like five times the amount their counterparts in the open world do. They only hit as hard as their level demands (and wielding iron weapons) but if you're a fledgling thief they can be a real bastard to deal with in open combat.

That's what Ryujin should have done. Beef up the security, let us kill them if we have to but you can still figure out how to punish us for entering open combat beyond some chastising in dialog. As it stands I save-scummed through some missions (the penultimate mission, which we'll get to, I think I near broke my F9 key) but ultimately got through a majority of the questline with nary a bad word to my name. I think on any NG+ I might go get a bit head-shotty and see if I get kicked out completely. If I do, then that means Beth weren't fucking cowards and my previous commentary is null and void.

So after baby mode I am given a mission where I'm like oh hell yeah, the actual questline is starting. It's the mission called "Background Checks". Without spoiling any specifics about it, you're actually infiltrating your own employer's base (everyone but a security team is given some fake story about maintenance) to hack into an employee's computer to find some potential espionage. All well and good. The layout should already be partially familiar to you, the vent system is unlocked for your benefit... After that you're just ducking and weaving through some hallways in order to get to the computer. There was a moment where I had to savescum through a couple of encounters because the stealth... just isn't quite there.

So the perk system isn't as robust as Skyrim's was. There's literally only one stealth perk that eventually, all it does is make you 100% harder to detect while also giving the final benefit of opening doors not alerting enemies. Helpful, right. I also made sure to unequip my space suit which you are still technically wearing even if you clicked the option to "hide in settlements", but you're still wearing it and benefit from the stats. Well that's more weight, and it makes you "louder". And let me tell you, it only helps slightly. So with the perks, the weight knowledge, and even eventually an outfit that adds another 25% more detection reduction, I keep running into situations where I peak into a hallway or slightly out a doorway and my alert meter goes from "Hidden" to 90% into the orange "caution" notation in a single second. A half second more and it's red and put in "danger", where enemies will open fire and sound alarms. I still can't grasp why this is, except that they're still working on outdated Fallout 4 coding where some similar problems persist even then.

Beth caught some flack because Starfield is still running on a decade old engine. That wouldn't have bothered me because some of these problems didn't exist with Skyrim. I've had my stealth fuckups on Skyrim but they still didn't cascade in an entire base or cavern assaulting me. Usually just the immediate area. That went away in Fallout 4 with ballistic coding, where a single missed bullet, suppressed or not, will send legions of enemies to investigate you.

So after the quite excellent "Background Checks" mission you're given two other missions and they're... fine, but basic. You can infiltate some criminal base with a couple different options but the option I took I was literally able to just walk in, not make a fuss, talk to the person, then leave. So it was more of a persuasion minigame than a stealth mission. Same with the mission after that. With one or two persuasions you can literally just talk to two guys and pick up a briefcase that doesn't even have the stolen tag on it. Despite you stealing it, it's still something of a scripted event where a guy won't leave his desk. (Maybe he does and I didn't give him enough time). Either way, both missions are thematically fine for the story its telling. I just didn't sneak through them.

And now we approach the problem with Ryujin. We're forced to not defend ourselves properly, at least not in a preventative capacity. There is a damage type where you can nuke robots faster and stun human enemies but that's already a post-fuckup option. During this questline we still can't just snipe guards from afar to make the pathing easier. I did everything Starfield wanted me to do within my power and abilities. Rank 4 in the stealth perk. That one piece of clothing. Took off my space suit. I used detection based chems. Yet even still if you're in the vaguest periphery of the enemy, your hidden meter hits the orange instantly. This is the problem I had with the penultimate mission, "Sabotage".

This is essentially the finale. In theory this should be the "test" of all the things you've learned before, in a normal game. It's not. You're given one skill of "Manipulation" which allows you to temporarily mind control people. You can make them run off, open doors, use objects, etc. Typically in the fashion of getting them out of your way. Half the time it doesn't work and just puts me in their sightlines which was a huge problem in this mission.

It's tutorialized once, where it took me several attempts to even get the guy to move before finally getting it done. I barely learned how the mechanic actually functions, and then I'm shoved off to do this multilayered, multi-objective espionage assault on a rival company. There's elevators, you activate some gas leak to get all the civilians to leave, it's like a whole fucking thing.

It's fucking awful.

Maybe my second attempt will be better. Maybe I should have picked some more pockets. But the mission didn't give me room to learn and breathe.

I wasn't clear on the order of operations. You're able to get into one floor freely, and I tried breaking into other places that way but there were too many guards everywhere. I later then realize; I probably should have just done the gas-evacuation. Several alerts and reloads later I just full on reload an actual save, not just a quicksave, back at the beginning of the tower and I go hit the gas leak. So now most people are gone and the tower is replaced with specific patrolling-type enemies.

They were fucking awful.

I don't know if it was coding, behavior, or all stealth concepts just glitched out on me fully. All the problems I listed before came to me on this mission full force, a wrecking ball to my patience. Between quickloads, enemies would sometimes stop patrolling and just stare down the hallway I needed to go. At one point, dozens of quickloads and attempts, I was once stuck in this room with some guy who just wouldn't stop looking at the doorway I was in. I'd peak out the door and get hit with full caution or danger/alarms instantly.

I only fixed this by letting it go full orange which put him in a semi-alert status and only then would he actually move a bit. He and his buddy came to the door, gave up, and I could sneak behind them as they were walking away. Ten minutes of this shit and it wasn't even where I needed to be at all.

Also during that, my objective kind of glitched on me. The only marker was on the elevator which didn't work. I don't know if it's because the building was on lockdown or what. Where I ACTUALLY needed to be was back in the Marketting area (the place you can get legit access to) and find some vents and shafts and make your way deeper into the level.

And let me tell you, the actual level design... was fine. You can sneak on the vents and actually hop on the lights at catwalks and sneak above people. The same option was a thing back in the superior mission "Background Checks". So in theory we'd be familiar with the lessons. The design of the place itself was fine, but everything else was dogshit.

I was fucking around this mission for something to the tune of an hour and a half. I eventually gave the fuck up completely and someone on a discord server told me about the "tdetect" cheat which turns off enemies ability to see you. And EVEN THEN it still took me 10-15 minutes or so to find my way back down to the place where I was to steal a prototype. I literally couldn't figure out where to go even without worrying about enemies. Not because the level design was broke, but because the game itself kind of broke on me. Stealth wasn't working. The elevator didn't work. My objective marker didn't work. Players can whine about objective markers if they want but I did play Morrowind and was able to read the journal because NPC's gave you exact directions. There was no direction here, was the problem. Just "go do these five things," which is why losing the objective marker was such a problem at one point.

That last mission pissed me off that I just wrote 2550 words (that's about a chapter in a fucking novel) to rant about it.

Crazy thing is, the storyline wrapped up really well. The final-final mission is this unique thing where you go lobby a bunch of board members, and you can choose the level of ethics to employ on two different issues at once. It was really cool with a lot of dialog options and that characterization from the leadership I so craved from before.

To contrast, in Skyrim's Thieves Guild, you work with the leadership often. They give you those radiant quests, you're sent to speak with them to get tips on the mission. In the first mission, talking to one of them will give you some characterization about infiltration; and she points out an extra entry point that avoids guards. Ryujin needed more of that here. They really should have brought the lessons they learned with the Dark Brotherhood as well. In Oblivion and Skyrim's DB questlines, you're encouraged to speak with every guildmate and they'll often offer some kind of insight to the mission. Sometimes it's just a quip, but other times they'll actually give you an idea of positioning or something.

All of that soul is lost here. They hit the vibe. The story is actually really neat and fairly underplayed compared to a lot of other things. Nothing particularly world-shattering (except the issue of the whole mind control device, which you can address at the end), just a bit of Corpo on Corpo violence. There was a lot to like and it just came up a bit short for me.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[captain-kraken]

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Thank you @blind-the-winds for the tag!

I don't have 15 mutuals :( and I have no idea who has already been tagged so free tag for anyone who wants to do this!

I'll also tag @potatocornflakes @likegemstone @lexiklecksi @cryingwriter but no pressure!

-

1) Are you named after anyone?

First name was one I just liked, but I stole my surname from a character from the Fable games because I wanted his confidence even though he's an absolute ass lol.

2) When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday, a little. The cat tripped me over in her excitement for wet meat and it hurt my surgery wound.

3) Do you have kids?

No. I’m not mentally stable enough to adopt at this stage in my life which wouldn't be fair on the kid. Maybe one day, maybe never.

4) Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not anymore. I was a very sarcastic teen though.

5) What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their fashion sense. I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they’re wearing and how they’re wearing it. Even if it’s something I wouldn’t wear personally due to taste, I love love love seeing how confident people can be when they’re wearing something they feel good in.

6) What’s your eye color?

Blue.

7) Scary movies or happy endings?

Both, depending on the mood lol. I definitely love my horror films but sometimes I just need that comfort of a guaranteed happy ending.

8) Any special talents?

Being self-deprecating lol ummm.. I actually don't think I have any, but that's okay!

9) Where were you born?

The dim, wet north-west of England, which is where I still live lol

10) What are your hobbies?

Writing, of course, as well as daydreaming about said writing lol. Reading too, though not as often as I used to. I also enjoy playing tabletop rpgs, though I much prefer being a player rather than a GM.

I do like gaming, though apparently I don’t play “real games” whatever that means. My favourites are easily the Lakeview Cabin games and the original Oddworld games. I also like Sims (though I’ve been losing faith in the franchise) and I’ve recently FINALLY got Skyrim so that’s been a lot of fun to play.

I like puppetry too, though I’m really bad at it lol, but I don’t care.

11) Have you any pets?

Yes! I have a polydactyl calico cat called Emily <3

12) What sports do you play/have played?

I don’t play sports anymore, mainly because of chronic illness kicking my ass. But I used to play field hockey in high school which I actually do kinda miss. I also did javelin briefly, if that counts.

13) How tall are you?

5 foot 2 inches, much to my disappointment.

14) Favourite subject in school?

Either Maths or Textiles, I loved both.

15) Dream job?

Unrealistic, money no object dream? Writing and making my own animated films. Which I've never actually admitted before.

[aro-comics]

Jealousy (Part 2)

Part 2/4 - I start explaining why I was jealous but I actually don’t get to the part where I explicitly put two and two together 😅 I’m so sorry y’all, I was supposed to have it all in one part but it got long and I had to split it into two posts. I was going to post part 3 tomorrow so it would be explained all at once but I’ve got client work to finish and that takes priority 😭 I feel like this part is more a critique of heteronormativity in general, but it’s also amatonormativity. I know some people would say that this is me being melodramatic or over sensitive. That it’s my problem for getting so close to so many guys (and other people who are attracted to women, but that’s a different and longer story). That I should just learn to behave “appropriately” but ... I just don’t think it’s fair. Or right. I genuinely felt so close to the guy you see here. We were friends. Had he been a girl nobody would have batted an eye at me leaning on his shoulder sometimes, or sitting close to him when watching something on his phone. I’m not a physically unaffectionate person but things like, being teased/told I have romantic feelings, or worse yet having said object of platonic affection think I’m romantically interested, makes me as a (personally romance-repulsed) aro really upset and uncomfortable. It taught me that I shouldn’t show affection to people - even people I really care about. Because apparently I give off the vibe that I’m romantically interested. And to this day I’m so scared of touching people (especially guys, not that I have many male friends anymore tho) that I wish I could hug or just lean on. Have y’all also gone through similar things where people insist you’re in a romantic relationship when you’re Not? 😭😭

[Image Description: 

Slide 1: “I could never feel 100% myself around others as a kid -”

A drawing of a younger Celia with some other kids against a green background. The boy standing in the middle is talking and the other two characters watch him talk. Celia is also listening, but she is drawn in a different section of the panel that is slightly darker [indicating a separation from the other children].

Slide 2: [Text Slide] “- for a lot of reasons. Some of them relating to a rough childhood (I won’t get into it here). But in large part, it was because of amatonormativity (and by extension, heteronormativity).”

Slide 3: [Text Slide] “Because the people I adored the most, felt the safest and happiest around, were all (assumed to be) romantically attracted to women.”

Slide 4: Celia talks to viewer, with arms crossed. “I couldn’t just express affection to them. Not like I wanted to.”

Slide 5: A drawing of Celia when she was younger (in 7th grade). She is sitting with a taller friend, a guy with short blond hair, at lunch (a note is scrawled on the comic, staging he was one of her close friends when she was twelve). He is talking to someone else off screen “So, in skyrim”. 

Celia is drawn leaning in slightly. A note is written, reading “subconsciously leaning inwards (want to express affection)” with a small asterisk. In the bottom of the panel is a note for the asterisk, which says “please read description”.

Slide 6: Her friend turns around to look at her. A little exclamation point is drawn next to him. He says “what are you doing? Is everything okay?”

Celia immediately leans back, and a small arrow is drawn between the two to indicate distance. “Oh! Sorry, nothing -” she is nervous and has a little anime style sweat drop drawn to indicate her embarrassment. 

Slide 7: Another scene where Celia and her friend are sitting outside at recess. He is playing a game on his iPod touch while she watches. He says “Anyway, so I got a high score of nine hundred in fruit ninja arcade mode -” to which Celia responds “PFFFT - nine hundred? Bro my high score is one thousand three hundred or something, let me -” 

Slide 8: A voice from off screen says “you two are so cute, look at you guys -” to which Celia immediately perks up at, looking annoyed. Her friend also seems concerned. 

The caption reads “not without any consequences”]

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know something that’s bothered me for a couple of weeks now is how the other week, someone told me that the fact that you get nook miles for changing your character’s outfit in animal crossing made AC a “childish” game to play above, like, strategy games or whatever else.

like okay yeah. it’s a little redundant, i guess, to get nook miles points for changing my character’s outfit in the game….. but like…. that’s what makes it fun??? and there is some strategy, for me at least, in playing animal crossing…. mostly to make money and purchasing items for my island or rearranging my house or updating bridges/inclines on my island etc etc.

but just because one of the ways to make points is something as simple and frivolous as changing an outfit, doesn’t mean that there’s some type of strategy or some type of other thing about higher order thinking skills.

and plus. games don’t have to be that fucking deep all the time. because although i play ac every day mostly to keep my island going and for my mental health…. at least it’s keeping me busy and getting me to use my brain (from time to time lmao). like i practice planning on it and stuff. i practice financial management (lmao) on some level too…. with saving money in the bank to upgrade my house…. or when i do upgrades on stairs/bridges, i pay the loan in full??? all which are things in the real world/irl that many millennials (both younger and elder)/early gen z can’t actually fucking do. how is this not good??? i actually having spending power!! and that’s powerful! lmao. even if it’s fictional.

but just because i’m not playing god knows what strategy game (or even something like COD or whatever) to flex my strategy skills and whatever not…. it doesnt mean you dismiss or diminish it as “childish”. like y’all. after the hell i had in hospital from nov 2020 til jan this year, and coming out of hospital…. animal crossing has helped my mental health by giving me something to focus on and giving me tasks to do….. albeit in a fun way. but just because one of the menial tasks on it to get points is “changing your characters clothes” it doesn’t mean that it’s pointless or some other negative word. just because i’m not carrying out some idek fucking reconnaissance mission in fuck knows what army type shooter game like COD or halo or idek something similar in assassins creed type or borderlands type rpg’s, it doesn’t mean i’m not using the “strategic thinking” part of my brain.

anyway my point is that video games dont have to be fucking deep and flex your critical thinking and strategic thinking skills all the fucking time to be deemed “real gaming” when people play them. sometimes the most strategic thing is placing a bridge next to the able sisters clothes shop right next to your house or idek putting some mario teleporting tubes in your front yard and by nook’s cranny so that you can make bank quickly on your old stuff in storage and making the hot buy items lmao.

and the best part is, for me anyway, it’s actually fucking relaxing instead of having like 10 dudes in your team (if you play halo/COD multiplayer online) screaming at you all at once to do shit. or you’re not having to complete missions on a time limit all the time in some solo hero game. instead you’re building a community (an imaginary one, but still) slowly, and planning (ok not fully, my island decoration is haphazard…. but at least i’m at a 4 star rating now lmao) and designing an island to live on. again, it reminds me of when i told a guy in my homeroom back in year 9/2010 that i was still playing neopets and moshi monsters and he scowled at me saying that “those are for babies, not like COD. grow up!” although i did play my fair amount of single player shooter games on neopets anyway 🙄🙄 (that on top of everything, i was actually pretty good at lmao).

but i guess it’s that the building a community and a home etc thing is seen as “girly” and “babyish”/“childish” whereas being a lone hero in every shooter game or other RPG game is seen as “manly” or “adult”. because again, you have to actually have “plans” (apparently) whether you play with a team or not…. all bc you’re using your strategy skills to “survive” in the game…. while earning points for things like changing your clothes or talking to your neighbours or “improving island life” and everything else that you get nook miles points for on animal crossing…… is seen as “too easy” and again “girly” or “childish” because you have to actually CARE about the thing and almost “raise” it like a kid…. and not usually just mindlessly shoot at shit or fight/kill people or idk magical beasts or be the hero of some type of quest or mission like many (i assume on large scale) of the typical “manly” strategic games are like.

like sorry i like caring for my villagers even though they’re fictional, fred. sorry that i like easy points and casual games over some overly intense team game play games like COD or halo… or sorry that i don’t like overly intricate quests to do constantly that “save the land and yourself” or whatever fuck in like final fantasy or skyrim or assassins creed (although i do want to eventually buy those games and play them casually). let people have easy games and find pleasure in them. just let people chill the fuck out and not have to really think about shit all the time.

and plus, i bet many people let their young kids (like 6 to 10 year olds) play animal crossing; which i think they’d much rather have them play than COD or whatever other shooter game tbh. because i know i would rather a kid that young to play AC over something like halo. let kids have more kid friendly games as well. because even for them, not everything has to be a way to build their strategic thinking/critical thinking skills, imo. let them have fun chopping wood down or diving for sea critters. or, hell. some kids might even like changing their parents character’s clothes to the outfit that they like their parent’s character (or even their own character’s) to wear lmao.

like for fucks sake. let everyone from kids to adults have some time to chill/relax and have fun. why does everything have to be competitive (which is what many of the big shooter games really are, when they’re played online multiplayer mode in teams…. imo anyway) and tactical/planned??? let people, no matter their age, have their unrestrained play/fun and rest…. when so many things that are hobbies nowadays are basically being forced into being “side hustles” or “something to learn from” etc etc. because sometimes you just need to fucking switch your brain off by talking to a raccoon who sold you an island and his 10yo sons who run the island corner shop; and other various fictitious anthropomorphic animals.

anyway here’s a fun rant for july.

[another-rogue-trevelyan]

If you liked Dragon Age Masterlist

If you’re anything like me, you’re into niche market, high fantasy, single player RPGs, preferably with a historical setting and romance options. So if you’re looking for a new game, here I am with some suggestions!

Sorted by studio:

Bethesda:

Oblivion (2006)

“In the shadow of evil, a hero will rise from the ashes of a fallen empire. The gates have been opened, and the battle has begun. Only one thing can save the world from Mehrunes Dagon and the demonic hordes of Oblivion. The true heir of the Septim line must be found and restored to the Imperial throne. The fate of the world rests in the hands of one. Find him, and shut the jaws of Oblivion.”

The Elder Scrolls series were my gateway into RPGs and hold a special place in my heart. Oblivion features a wide open world, immersive combat, and the ability to customize race, class, and gender.

Skyrim (2011)

“The Empire of Tamriel is on the edge. The High King of Skyrim has been murdered. Alliances form as claims to the throne are made. In the midst of this conflict, a far more dangerous, ancient evil is awakened. Dragons, long lost to the passages of the Elder Scrolls, have returned to Tamriel. The future of Skyrim, even the Empire itself, hangs in the balance as they wait for the prophesized Dragonborn to come; a hero born with the power of The Voice, and the only one who can stand amongst the dragons.”

I have sunk so many hours into this game and still have not experienced all there is to experience. Just like Oblivion, Skyrim offers the ability to customize your character and find a play style that suits you. A huge open world offers tons of opportunity for exploration and questing. You could play this game many, many hours and not even touch the main quest if you wanted to.

BioWare:

Mass Effect Legendary Edition (2021)

Just do it. Just fucking do it I’m still sobbing I’ve never had a game wreck me in this way. I might possibly like it more than Dragon Age which feels sacrilegious to say but it was so good. You follow Commander Shepard (customizable) for three whole games and the choices have serious consequences. Also, romance. Truthfully this might be the most well written storyline I’ve ever seen in a video game. Also, same studio as Dragon Age.

CD Projekt:

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt (2015)

I’ll let the website description speak for itself, but Witcher III was good enough that I didn’t mind being forced to play as a man (those who know me know that I exclusively prefer to play women and often dislike games where I can’t do so)! The characters that make up this story are captivating and suck you into their world, leaving you with some tough choices to make. Also, bonus points for romance! (Yen is one of my all time favorite characters, Triss never stood a chance for me. Sorry Triss fans 😂)

Larian:

Divinity Original Sin 2 (2017)

“The Divine is dead. The Void approaches. And the powers lying dormant within you are soon to awaken. Choose your role in a BAFTA-winning story, and explore a world that reacts to who you are, and the choices you make. With five races to choose from, and an adventure playable solo or as a party of up to four, lay waste to an oppressive order in a world afraid of magic. Become the God the world so desperately needs.”

Full disclosure, I have not finished playing this one yet and will update when I do, but what I’ve played so far has been great! A classic, turn-based RPG that allows you a wide range of character customization. I find this game incredibly satisfying to be a rogue (my preferred class) because it lets me live my dream of throwing knives at people. Also, romance!

Baldur’s Gate III beta (2020)

“An ancient evil has returned to Baldur's Gate, intent on devouring it from the inside out. The fate of Faerûn lies in your hands. Alone, you may resist. But together, you can overcome. Gather your party.”

Fair warning, as of my most recent update to this post (March 30th, 2021) this game is still in a beta phase, which means it is NOT complete and has aspects that are missing, glitchy, or subject to change. With that being said, I’m so obsessed. It’s so, so good already and is only getting better. Another wide open world to explore with a group of companions with strong and sometimes clashing personalities, choices are abundant in this game and will affect how your party members think of you. This game so far gives me the feeling that choices are complicated and aren’t always easy to tell which is morally right, which I personally love. Also, I can be a sarcastic ass with a good heart, which is always fun. Astarion basically owns me now, but if you can resist him there are plentiful other romance choices as well! Customization is already a wider range than I’ve seen in most RPGs and they haven’t even finished the character creator yet, which has me SO excited for the finished product. Also - good hair?!??!! I love it!

Lionhead:

Fable III (2010)

“Lead a revolution to take control of Albion, fight alongside your people, and experience love and loss while preparing to defend the kingdom against a looming threat. Your choices as ruler will lead to consequences felt across the entire land.”

I’ll be honest, this one isn’t my favorite on the list, but was good enough to still make it! This game allows you to choose between playing as the prince or the princess on a quest to save your kingdom from itself, and then a greater threat as well. The game takes place in a kingdom loosely modeled after industrial England, and what did score it some major points were (SPOILER WARNING - skip the purple if you don’t want to know!) that the last act of the game lets you play as the monarch, where you are forced to make some tough decisions in order to save your kingdom. It is very easy to back yourself into a corner, pinch pennies in order to fund the army and save the kingdom, but make your citizens hate you because of it. You’re gonna have to be very, very careful, which is something I did really enjoy about this game. (I’ve heard Fable II was better, and that’s also on my list to try, will update in the future!)

Nintendo:

Fire Emblem Three Houses (2019)

“War is coming to the continent of Fódlan. Here, order is maintained by the Church of Seiros, which hosts the prestigious Officer’s Academy within its headquarters. You are invited to teach one of its three mighty houses, each comprised of students brimming with personality and represented by a royal from one of three territories. As their professor, you must lead your students in their academic lives and in turn-based, tactical RPG battles wrought with strategic, new twists to overcome. Which house, and which path, will you choose?”

Currently playing this one and I’m so addicted! This one is slightly outside of my usual taste but it has made me interested in playing more games like it. The player controls Byleth (you can rename them if you wish), who becomes a professor of combat and battle tactics despite their young age at a monastery and finds themself in charge of a house of students. Battles are tactics and strategy based and classes are highly customizable. I sunk like 30 hours into this game in the last three days. I won’t say more about the plot to avoid spoilers, but it’s been a ton of fun and also has slow burn romance

Spiders:

Greedfall (2019)

This game destroyed my soul in the best way and when I finished it I immediately started a new game to play it again. You play as Lady or Lord De Sardet, Legate of the Congregation of Merchants and effectively the right hand of your cousin, who has been appointed governor of your new colony on the island. While I enjoy the combat in this game, which allows you the choice between one handed, two handed, magic, and pistols or rifles (save that ammo for when you really need it!), this game focuses heavily on diplomacy and relations. Be careful what information you give to whom and how you treat every decision. The enemies you make early on might be people you need on your side later. I also love that choices aren’t always clearly right or wrong, and often are more complicated than they first appear. Even the best intentions can sometimes go awry.

Ubisoft:

Assassin’s Creed, Syndicate (2015)

“London, 1868. In the heart of the Industrial Revolution, lead your underworld organization and grow your influence to fight those who exploit the less privileged in the name of progress”

Another one that I’ll admit, I haven’t finished, and is definitely the odd one out on the list because it’s set in Victorian England, but I was having fun with what I had played so far before Greedfall distracted me. In this game, you alternate between controlling twins Jacob and Evie Frye as you explore and liberate London while meeting famous historical figures and running a gang on the side.

Assassin’s Creed, Origins (2017)

“Ancient Egypt, a land of majesty and intrigue, is disappearing in a ruthless fight for power. Unveil dark secrets and forgotten myths as you go back to the one founding moment: The Origins of the Assassin’s Brotherhood.”

In the spirit of honesty, I haven’t started this one yet, but I am so confident that I’m gonna love it when I do that it’s here anyway. I’ve purchased it, and will get to it soon, I swear! In the meantime, I wanted to put it here because I’m confident some of you will enjoy it. Will come back with a review once I know more.

Assassin’s Creed, Odyssey (2018)

“Write your own epic odyssey and become a legendary Spartan hero in Assassin’s Creed® Odyssey, an inspiring adventure where you must forge your destiny and define your own path in a world on the brink of tearing itself apart. Influence how history unfolds as you experience a rich and ever-changing world shaped by your decisions.”

Y’all this game owned my soul for a while. I’ve sunk so many hours into it. You have a choice to play as either Kassandra or Alexios and navigate the wonders of Ancient Greece. The world is stunning, the choices are important, and this game took a big step for the assassins creed series in becoming a true RPG. I can’t recommend this one enough, you should absolutely go for it!

Assassin’s Creed, Valhalla (2020)

“Become Eivor, a legendary Viking warrior. Explore England's Dark Ages as you raid your enemies, grow your settlement, and build your political power in the quest to earn a place among the gods in Valhalla.”

This game is brand new, hot off the press, and has already been a massive hit. I have only JUST started playing it and am about an hour in, but so far so good! It’s here on my recommendations list because of its wild popularity and because I’ve already enjoyed other games in this series, so I feel confident that some of my fellow dragon age fans will enjoy it. Will update again once I get further in.

Other games on my To Be Played list (otherwise known as things I don’t want to recommend because I know almost nothing about them but will update here after I know more)

-Pillars of Eternity 1 and 2

-Horizon Zero Dawn

-Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag

-Fable 1 and 2

-Kingdoms of Amalur

-Breath of the Wild

-Crimson Desert (not out yet but I’m intrigued)

[atlascas]

THEE next gen trio is claire kevin jack bc they’re my favorite kids in canon. in the Secret Good Spn obviously they’re all alive and living at the bunker w sam dean cas. kevin fucking hates it there and he makes it known. he’s a shithead to all three of tfw and when they first bring back claire (in this tfw brings her back directly after the Debacle where dean like kills her shitty father figure or smth. i dont remember dont tell me) anyway when they first bring back claire kevin’s like you bring this child. this shitty little teenager. this high school white trash white girl into my HOUSE but then claire tries to torch one of dean’s shirts out in the yard for unspecified reasons and kevin decides grudgingly he will take her under his wing. they’re reluctantly tolerant of each other and outwardly snipe all the time but they also just hang out all the time 1) bc they’re the only ones remotely close to each other’s ages and therefore each other’s ONLY hope when dean makes an inane reference to a movie neither of them have seen, will see, or will ever want to see 2) fuck the winchesters type energy 3) underneath it all they’re the same angry lonely traumatized people and they recognize it in each other and therefore, w mutual understanding and resignation, actually really like each other. sam dean cas watch this play out bemusedly and dean tries to get kevin off claire’s back once. ONCE. like “hey kevin back off claire will you.” and then claire furiously yells at him to leave kevin alone so for the most part they just leave them to their rituals. kevin spends a lot of time teaching her to play the video games he played in high school.

and once jack shows up he ALSO ends up hanging w them all the time bc they decide to adopt him. they’re reluctant about taking him in at first esp in front of each other but he’s just so FRIENDLY that both of them secretly bond with him individually and then like two weeks in kevin walks in on claire teaching jack to sword fight w the katanas on display in the library and from then on they’re inseparable. they’ll squirrel away in a random room of the bunker w movies and video games and not be seen for days. cas is the only one allowed in their super secret hideouts bc 1) he’s an angel and he has magic powers and extensive spatial awareness and 2) bc he’s jack’s favorite person in the whole wide world and jack always has his location on via father-son mind meld. kevin and claire will let cas fumble thru a couple minutes of skyrim with them before shooing him back out. anyway thru jack both kevin and claire end up rediscovering a little joy from the lost childhoods they both were traumatically yanked from, and his boundless innocence and Goodness soften them outwardly towards each other like they'll still pick fights but now they have to set an example for their toddler brother so it's pulling each other's hair instead of punching each other in the face. in the end they both end up fiercely protective of him. kevin bc he never thought he would get to care so deeply abt someone akin to family again, like he definitely resigned himself to a miserable existence in the bunker and hating however the rest of his life would play out and not caring abt anyone ever again bc the ppl close to him ended up dead/getting hurt; claire for much the same reasons but also bc she’s trying to transfer all the Big Brother energy she gets from kevin onto jack. PLUS also bc jack’s her - like he’s technically her brother. via cas. she’s still guarded towards cas but she’s tentatively opening up she doesn’t know if it’s residual feelings re: her dad or if cas has earned her legitimate empathy and sympathy yet but he cares so much for jack that she ends up seeing jack as a little brother by default. both kevin and claire would take bullets for him.

they have a kids’ table in the bunker. they don’t eat w the winchesters bc kevin still can’t look at dean w/o getting a homicidal glint in his eye (he’s getting better about it! now he eats whatever dean cooks instead of stubbornly boiling himself ramen everyday. its the effect of found family/found sibling interaction) but they’ll eat in the library and get crumbs on the books which sam bemoans but lets them do bc in all fairness they did traumatize these children in unique and horrifying ways. it’s ALL ABOUT kevin and claire sitting at a table with sandwiches snickering over stupid minecraft plays and teaching jack to take the tomatoes out of his sandwich and fling crusts at each other. like. the kids end up alright after all.

[kookiesbuckethat]

idk if your requests r open but I'd like a matchup, any group!! any pronouns, wouldn't care if it's male or female.

I'm a sagittarius, intp-t, 5w6. I love anime and manga, I also play games like skyrim and genshin.

I'm 5'4, hispanic(short curly hair + dark brown hair and eyes), I dress in masculine and feminine styles. I have a lot of anime merch + hot topic for clothing if that helps any.

I'm kinda shy and nervous around people, I also don't get along with a lot of them. I'm quiet in public but I'm really talkative with people I'm not irritated by, and I'm more book smart than anything else smart. I tend to say whatever is in my head, which gets me in trouble. I have a short attention span and I'm usually up for arguing.

I match you with...

yoongi!

only some of the members still watch anime now due to their busy schedules but they all used to watch anime back in their trainee and rookie days when they had more spare time, Yoongi included

he’s watched many classics like Naruto and Dragon Ball, but his all tiem favourite is Slam Dunk

he never gets tired of rewatching it or rereading the manga and in turn, you’re forced to as well

you’ve probably watched it at least 20 times now but no matter how much you complain, you can’t help but giggle whenever Yoongi says a line at the same time as the character, knowing the anime by heart

he was dorky like that but you wouldn’t change it for the world

he whines and complains whenever you want to watch a different anime, saying that it’ll never compare to Slam Dunk

but whenever he plans dates for you two at home, he’ll prepare dinner for you two to eat on the couch with one of your favourites ready to play on the television screen

although he’s not as into video games as the maknaes or Jin, he plays his fair share

Yoongi prefers the more chill video games like the one he played during In the Soop so he likes to play Skyrim and Genshin with you

as much as he enjoys playing, some days he just likes to sit beside you and watch your gameplay, occasionally giving you advice

when he notices you’ve gotten too caught up in playing that you haven’t eaten in a while, he quietly slips away into the kitchen to make some snacks for you

sitting back down next you, he places the plate on the table, eating and feeding you so you don’t get your hands dirty and can keep playing

Yoongi has made it very clear that he has no care for gender stereotypes just like the rest of the members and they often express this through their clothing, for example wearing skirts

even though it’s mostly you stealing his clothes, you two share a lot of your clothes since you dress in both masculine and feminine styles

although he does dress more maturely and differently than how he did in his trainee/rookie days, his old style consisted of darker, edgier clothes like those from Hot Topic

he’ll buy you two lots of adorable, matching anime sweatshirts

but one of the ways he shows you just how much he loves you is by letting you borrow his Slam Dunk hoodie which he doesn’t let ANYONE else touch

Yoongi notices how you become more withdrawn in public or when you’re around people you don’t know

he encourages you to try and get along with others but he never pushes you out of your comfort zone or makes you do anything you don’t want to

he offers you comfort just being by your side, simple arm around your waist or a hand on the small of your back to let you know he’s there

he’s proud of how book smart you are as he was never really one for school, and he’s sure to remind everyone about just how smart you are

Yoongi’s also taken notice of your short attention span and often teases you about it

there’s lots of playful banter in your relationship as you’re usually up for arguing

[queenaeducan]

Writing Tag Game

No one! I stole from @fiadhaisteach tho

How many works do you have on AO3?

43

What’s your total AO3 word count?

89067

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Healing Hands (3D NPC / Skyrim) F!Dovahkiin/Rumarin - 72 Kudos

The Difficult Things (DA2) Carver/Merrill - 46 Kudos 

All We Are is a Promise (DA:I) F!Cadash/Blackwall - 41 Kudos

Five Times Hugged (DA:I) F!Cadash & Solas - 22 Kudos

Pride in Compassion (DA:I) Cole & Soals - 20 Kudos

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! Even if they’re just hearts or short comments. I don’t have too many comments and I want to encourage and appreciate the people who take the time to write them for me.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ummm “And My Heart Cannot Be” is probably the angstiest, it’s a response fic to Joly’s write-up of Ian’s personal quest where he’s made Tranquil (temporarily) at the end, so there’s a lot of angst on Solas’ part. Not so much on Ian’s, I suppose. :’)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Ummm, maybe “Apodyopis”? It involves Ian and Solas finding their boundaries in intimacy but overall it’s very soft and fluffy.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the strangest one you’ve written?

For fic, not really! I had the idea for a Doctor Who / Mass Effect fic years back when ME3 first dropped, but I never wrote it nor do I think a Doctor Who Crossover is particularly strange. Tumblr rp has led to some strange crossovers, and some not so strange. I’ve written with Star Trek characters on my Mass Effect rp blogs and then umm Final Fantasy XV might be the strangest I’ve written in Dragon Age rp, if only bc it was a crossover and not an AU.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I wrote a self-insert, modern girl falls into the AtLA world fic when I was still a preteen/teen and that got hate. I don’t remember what it said. And someone once accused me of “forcing solas” on the “male lavellan” I ship him with (Ian is non-binary and it literally said that in the art that prompted the anon hate, but I’ve learned people don’t read captions) and said it was “gross” lmao.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve written it before, but not often. It’s not something that greatly appeals to me, I have some ideas for it atm but I have other projects I’m going to get to first.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, just had headcanons/interpretations stolen in RP.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I roleplay w/ ppl does that count. One day I might turn the Solian stuff into a multi-chapter fic and that’d need Joly’s input to be any good.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ATM it’s still Solas/Ian.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a fic that’s actually a series of short (like one sentence to five sentences) drabbles that spans most of Inquisition and Trespasser detailing moments Ian came to Solas’ mind that’s been a WIP for years, but idk maybe I’ll finish eventually.

What are your writing strengths?

I’m most confident in my dialogue, so when I’m unsure about that usually it’s a sign that I’m going to hate everything I write.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I’ve never been able to write long-form, multi-chapter fics in my life. I have one planned for Solas and Thora and the only reason I think I’ll finish it is because it’s only going to be about five chapters. People who write like 20+ chapters amaze me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ll write fictional ones, I’ll make up Elvhen or dwarven and even if it’s wrong or fake who cares it’s not a real language. Real languages I’m less keen on, I speak/spoke a few languages, if I were still practised in French I think I could manage that, but I haven’t kept up.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

It was either Hamtaro or Kirby! Right Back at Ya. I played pretend games where I made up OCs tho which was basically just the oral version of written fanfic/roleplay.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

ATM my favourite is “Who Am I in Your Arms?” which explores Solas and Ian after Wisdom’s death. Content warning for talk of suicide if you choose to read. I’ve struggled with wondering if it’s actually worth being proud of b/c it didn’t do great numbers esp on AO3, but I did a fair amount of research to get the head shaving done just right and I was able to incorporate a lot of my headcanons regarding Solas and how his relationship with Ian evolves as a result of the panic and grief involved in Wisdom’s passing.

Tagging: @apeacebone, @dreadfutures, @wizardofozymandias, @skyeventide @ other ppl who want to do this! 

[thegrunkiest]

Not gonna lie, returning to Skyrim over the past few days has reminded me of just how much I hope TES VI does factions like they did in Oblivion.

!Some critical ranting of Skyrim/positive rambling of Oblivion ahead!

I’m saying this after I started trying to immerse myself in the College of Winterhold, at last, after installing some good magic mods. But I just couldn’t. I couldn’t really care less about this Eye of Magnus or why the Psijic Order wants to talk with me specifically. I couldn’t care about stopping Ancano I can hardly remember what even happens in the questline aside from go into ruin, find orb, go into basement, talk to an aura, go to a ruin, beat up a skeleton dragon and something after that.

This is the same issue I’ve personally had with the Companions, and to a lesser extent, the Thieves Guild. I legit only remember the Companions as “the guild that gives you lycanthropy”. Thieves Guild is a little better, as I do distinctly remember a few of the characters and their quests could get quite creative. I never felt particularly invested however.

So why exactly do I (and possibly some of you) think Skyrim’s factions don’t work, and that they should look back on Oblivion when creating questlines for the next games? For me personally, it boils down to two components: the state of affairs, and sense of progression.

Sense of Progression

I’ll start with the simplest one first. Let’s use the College as an example again, comparing it to the Mage’s Guild of Oblivion. What do you do to gain entry to the College? Cast the requested novice/apprentice level spell (or alternatively, shout if you’re a Dragonborn or just schmooze if you, for some reason, already have 100 in speech). In Oblivion? You have to gain a recommendation from each of the individual chapters by completing a quest unique to each quild hall, which involve a little more work than simply casting a spell.

Alright, alright, so what do we do once we’re in? At the College, we engage in a little lesson with our many (see: three) fellow students. Cool (it’s also our only magic lesson from what I recall - great education system!). Then we’re immediately thrust into the questline, with no real or necessary deviations from the main subject regarding the Eye of Magnus. Then guess what - you’ve become Arch Mage!... wait what? I thought I just joined not too long ago?...

I find it hard to feel good about gaining the leadership role, despite me having just stopped a potentially devastating crisis to earn it, because I never felt more than a junior beforehand. This is how Oblivion does it right with its ranking system in my opinion. While I admit I might have chosen a bad example to draw from, as the Mage’s Guild quests also heavily concerns the main threat in at least some way, but what personally makes it more immersive for me is the fact you’re promoted whilst you’re playing - even to the point you’re being passed onto a different superior for more daring assignments! This is where the little things really count.

Then there’s the Thieves Guild. Unless there’s some backstory I’m glancing over, I don’t see why the Thieves Guild of Skyrim couldn’t have shared the same ranking system as the Oblivion branch, if no one else. In Oblivion, you can only initiate the quests after you’ve passed a certain threshold of fencing stolen goods, something that encourages you to actually be a thief to progress as a thief. I’m not just going from Pickpocket to Gray Fox, as I feel I am from an initiate to Nightingale/Guildmaster in Skyrim; you have various titles you earn in between.

If I had to summarize the point I’m trying to make - I’ll use Oblivion’s Dark Brotherhood. Arguably one of the most popular questlines in TES. Now, could you imagine an Oblivion Dark Brotherhood without Whodunit?, The Assassinated Man, Permanent Retirement, etc. - just axe those unrelated quests in favor of focusing on rooting out the Traitor. No promotions, just primarily finding ways to stop a person who, probably, has killed assassins much more seasoned than you! A deadly threat! Why? Because you’re you! And you obviously deserve to become the Listener after being a Murderer the whole questline.

Which leads me into my next point....

State of Affairs

Skyrim’s questlines seem to have a fixation on factions that are destitute and/or are on the brink of extinction. Business is dry with the Thieves Guild; in the Dark Brotherhood, all but the Falkreath sanctuary is destroyed and the Old Ways are abandoned; the Companions are struggling with the lycanthropy that plagues its strongest members; the College of Winterhold have little reputation in quite an anti-magic province; hell, even the Blades, who were previously slaughtered and run into hiding. The Dawnguard factions I feel are an exception (a reason I like that DLC so much), as the Dawnguard can excuse its low wealth and reputation with the fact that it was just reformed, and the Volkihar Clan have, for all I know, have just been... existing, in the shadows.

Admittedly, Oblivion also has a bit of a running theme among its faction - stable and well-organized factions plagued by a specific threat. The Blades have their Oblivion Crisis, the DB with their traitor ordeal, the Mage’s Guild with the necromancers/Mannimarco, the Fighter’s Guild with the Blackwood Company, Court of Madness with Jyggalag.

The reason why I prefer Oblivion’s guilds over Skyrim, I suppose, is related to my personal problem of power fantasy. Skyrim is a big old power fantasy. You’re the Dragonborn, the chosen one, the Hero of prophecy. So obviously you need to be the savior of each guild, right? You have to be the one the Night Mother deems Listener; the one the Psijics talk to; the one Nocturnal makes a Nightingale.

One might say it’s more realistic that way though, as it adds to Skyrim’s aesthetic of a darker, more unstable time with the Civil War and return of dragons. That’s a fair point. But did 90% of the guilds have to be restricted to poor little groups? Surely the Companions could’ve had other bases in some of the cities somehow, or the Thieves Guild have another hideout in, say Solitude?

You could argue you’re also chosen in Oblivion, sure. But while Uriel saw you in his dreams, you’re place as HoK wasn’t in part due to a superpower, either. I felt I was closing the Oblivion gates because my characters were who they were. You aren’t the only one who can enter Oblivion gates, but you were determined and skilled enough to make it through to the end. While in the factions, you were, for the most part, a newbie working through the ranks until eventually, you’re trusted to confront the threat. In Skyrim it feels less like organizations, and more like ragtag groups that were waiting for you to come in and fix them.

Coupled with the sense progression, this makes experiencing Oblivion’s factions much more organic and satisfying - in my opinion. That’s what’s most important. I’m not ragging on anyone who likes Skyrim’s factions, and I still love Skyrim despite my endless complaints. I understand I may have missed a few points (like the Civil War and Arena), and the ones I made could be disputed.

TL;DR: Skyrim’s fondness for power fantasy and the lack of ranks makes its faction questlines less immersive and more forced, whereas in Oblivion climbing ranks as a sort-of average joe feels organic and more rewarding. This is just my opinion. I don’t hate Skyrim. You’re free to agree or disagree and add to the discussion.

[glowinggator]

Doom Eternal: April O’Neil

Pairing: April O’Neil

Content Warnings: Swearing? References to Doom Eternal? It’s honestly just a lot of fluff, I love April so much <3 

Word Count: 1105

Your feet slap against the pavement as you sprint towards April’s apartment, and you’ve never been so thankful for the impromptu late-night cardio that comes with befriending mutants. Out of all the benefits to receive from making friends with giant mutant turtles, stamina wasn’t one that you were expecting. Then again...you weren’t really expecting the situation to begin with. Nevertheless, you find yourself thankful for the late-night battles in the streets, tearing through the sidewalks of New York with a speed you would have never expected yourself to meet 5 years ago. You breathe steadily as you run, taking in the smell of freshly-ground coffee beans and pumpkin spice as you do so. It’s so distinctly Autumn, and quite frankly, a wonderful step away from the usual scent of New York City. Your feet take you along the bustling streets at a breakneck pace, blending in as just another body in a sea of people. Had you been anywhere else in the world, it may have been a concerning sight. But not here. You leap up her apartment stairs two at a time, weighted backpack slapping against your lower back with a vengeance. Will you be sore tomorrow? Maybe. Do you care? Absolutely not. You take a moment to breathe as you reach her door, composing yourself and regulating your breathing before knocking. Best not to look like an idiot in front of her mom, assuming she answers the door. Once you catch your breath, you raise your fist to the door, knocking gently. 

The door whips open quickly and before you know it, you’re brought into a crushing hug. You laugh, returning the hug quickly. “Good to see you too,” you giggle. 

She pulls away from the embrace, instead choosing to hold your hands to drag you inside. “Happy Halloween month, Sunshine” she chirps, “Did you bring it? Please tell me you brought it, if you forgot it at home we’re marching right back to your place and getting it, deadass.” 

You laugh, taking one hand away from her to slip your backpack off: “Double, triple, quadruple checked to make sure I had it.” You smile even brighter as she pumps a single fist, hissing out a quiet “yes!” She pulls you quickly to her room, flopping on the bed as soon as you both enter. You kick the door shut with your foot before dashing over to her PS4 to slide in your copy of Doom Eternal. You turn to look back at her momentary, only to see her smiling straight back at you. Your heart melts as your girlfriend quietly chants “rip and tear” from her spot on the bed. Her excitement is so contagious, that you can’t help but join in with her. 

 Halloween is truly the best time of year. 

You unhook a controller from the charging stand, tossing it to her before finding your own spot on the bed. You rest your head against her headboard, opening up your arms as a mock-offering. She quickly adjusts her position, finding a spot in your arms as the game loads. Thank god you both installed it last week. You couldn’t take the disappointment, or stand seeing hers. She drops the controller in her lap momentarily, wrapping an arm around your neck to pull you into a quick kiss. You smile, leaning into it happily. Her hands and lips are warm like sunshine in midmorning: a perfect contrast to the chilly, Autumn air outside. Heaven is a place on Earth with her, you muse to yourself. Cheesy, yes, but how else could you describe it? You pull away slowly as the haunting whine of the loading screen claws its way out of the speakers. “Happy?” you ask. 

She hums affirmatively, leaning her head on your chest. “How mad do you think Donnie would be if he knew we were playing Doom without him?” she chuckles. She quickly selects a new campaign slot, setting on the medium-difficulty “Hurt Me Plenty” mode. The TV casts a dark blue glow upon her room as it begins loading all of the necessary assets for the game. Her thumbs nervously caress and tap the buttons of the controller, eager to play. 

“I’m willing to bet, like, 50 cents that he found the cracked copy the day it released and played it without us.” 

“Oh god, yeah,” she laughs, “I completely forgot about that whole DRM situation. Imagine letting that get out, as a multimillion-dollar company with like, one of the most hyped games ever... Couldn’t be me, honestly.” 

King Novic’s voice slithers its way out of the speakers, drawing your attention to the TV. 

"Against all the evil that hell can conjure, all the wickedness that mankind can produce. We’ll send unto them... only you. Rip and Tear until it is done.”

“Holy fucking shit,” she whispers, leaning forward in her excitement. She grips the controller even tighter as the first cutscene loads, never moving her eyes away from the screen. You smile at her excitement, watching her amber eyes dart around the screen. Her eyes trace the outline of the sigil that’s been burned into the Earth, breathing a quiet sigh of awe: “Babe, “ she breathes, “look at the graphics, this is crazy! This probably looks better than like, actual satellite photos of Earth.” 

You chuckle, “You’re adorable, April.” 

She laughs, “Babe, I don’t think that’s the thing to say when I’m playing a game about murdering demons.” The screams of Earth’s last survivors ring out through her speakers, and you silently pray to the universe that her mom isn’t home right now. The introductory riff to Rip and Tear crescendos as The Slayer moves around the ship. April watches with bated breath, occasionally breathing out little sighs of amazement. You can practically see the stars twinkling in her eyes as she watches the cutscene, and her excitement warms your heart. The full force of Rip and Tear hits as The Slayer cocks his shotgun, and April’s eyes shine with unbridled enthusiasm. At this point she leans back into you, gripping the controller tightly. She swings her feet back and forth slightly, too excited to sit still. “Oh my god, this is so fucking badass,” she chimes, “I think that was the best intro scene I’ve ever seen for a game.” 

“What about Skyrim?” You jest. 

“I said best, not most memorable slash memeable,” she returns, waving one hand for emphasis, “Besides, Skyrim didn’t have the awesome metal intro, now did it?” 

 “Alright, fair enough,” you giggle, “I can’t wait to watch you Glory Kill some Revenants.” 

“You better not have played this without me!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(A/N: Look, do I have like 50 requests? Yes. Do I have like 10 different WIPS that I need to finish? Yes. Did I write this as a spur of the moment thing after listening to Doom Crossing: Eternal Horizons too many times and subsequently getting back into the Doom fandom? Yes <3 In this house we play video games and fall head over heels in love with Rise! April.) (For those of you who don't share my undying love for April...I've got a whole bunch of stuff from the turtles to post soon, dw <3 )

[knights-of-the-glittery-table]

It’s one year to the day I purchased Dragon Age: Inquisition!

 My first video game outside of Animal Crossing since my age ended in -teen and my first ever video game on the PC as an adult! (The Magic School Bus Explores the Ocean. the Catz series up to 5, Dangerous Creatures and Stay Tuned being big favourites back in the day thanks for asking)

The first month went as you’d expect for a woman who loved the consoles owned through her life but always just a tiny smattering of titles for each and in general someone who did not give a damn about gaming.

WASD? How about walking off a staircase every time you attempt it for well over a week. I said it then and I’ll say it now, in body I am but a 5ft tall woman but as soon as I am playing a video game I am possessed by a himbo. Well meaning, good natured but thick as two short planks.

My attempts at walking anywhere with the map, a simple A to B was like you spun me around 10 times on an office chair then flung me into the wilderness blindfolded. And that was the simple map guidance. If it was a twist and turns kind of job, hidden away and the enviornments looked the same- we’re talking hours.

There is such a thing as common sense, I like to think I have that. What I did not and even now only have the faintest SNIFF of from actual game playing experience is GAMER SENSE. Like, I never played a goddamn game like this in my life and no games full stop in my 20s until 27 when I bought New Leaf and TOM NOOK NEVER FUCKING PUT HIDDEN PATHS OR ITEMS I NEEDED ABOVE MY HEAD IN A CAVE I DIDN’T EVEN REALISE EXISTED. Absolutely no gamer problem solving skills in this himbo brain at all. I had to look up everything possible and would sit here with a furrowed brow like ‘....How-...how was I supposed to know to think of that?’

But I really enjoyed myself despite my utter lack of knowing what/who/when/how and in this year that passed I now also own the other two Dragon Age games, the three Witcher games, Skyrim and Stardew Valley! THEN ALSO due to random but very pleasant weird circumstances I managed to get a DS Lite in September last year and have AC: New Horizons, Skyrim, Hades, DMC 1+2 for nostalgia, Cat Quest and Outlast + Whistleblower (I love Whistleblower the most as watching male gamers do walkthroughs of it and they reach a particular section? God, the serotonin I get from their screams),

I know that isn’t a lot to most people but I went from 0-80mph in a 20mph zone. I still don’t care much about gaming as a whole, it is baffling and boring to me for the most part but I’ve watched short horror game walkthroughs for a fair few years now (I enjoyed Bloodborne despite me zoning out constantly due to the fact it is a game pretty much all fighting something and the body horror nightmares but it is in fact one of less than maybe 6 games I’ve ever watched a full walkthrough of due to aforementioned disinterest)

Dragon Age made me want to start drawing again! I hadn’t used my old drawing tablet for years but it made me want to draw and gave me a very interesting world and range of characters to learn about. It also gave me a much needed hobby during the very stressful year of 2020.

I really wanted to draw a little Cullen for myself to celebrate my one year ‘anniversary’ but I used all my energy this morning being hyped to go the post office hours before it opened then zooming up there the moment it hit 9am.

So please mentally draw me a little Cullen Rutherford right-

HERE

[afni-fics]

Elder Scrolls DC - A Reluctant Dragonborn: Chapter 30: Campfire Conversations - Dragonborn and Thalmor

Elder Scrolls DC - A Reluctant Dragonborn: Chapter 30: Campfire Conversations - Dragonborn and Thalmor (38503 words) by C_R_Scott Chapters: 30/? Fandom: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Red Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics), Batman (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Tim Drake, Lucien Flavius Additional Tags: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Skyrim/DCU crossover, Reluctant Dovahkiin | Dragonborn, Not Beta Read, Alternate Universe - Skyrim Fusion, Modded Skyrim, Skyrim Spoilers, Tim Drake is Dragonborn | Dovahkiin, Tim Drake-centric, Trope: It sucks to be the chosen one, Trope: Trapped in another world, Trope: Kidnapped by the Call

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Summary:

Lucien and Tim set up camp for the night after their first day away from Whiterun. Their campfire conversation leans into discussion about the Dragonborn and the Thalmor.

After taking care of the bandits at the two towers, the rest of the ride to the crossroads went fairly smoothly. Lucien taught Tim a couple more useful novice spells, including a lesser ward for protection against enemy magic spells and a wild healing spell that would heal both himself another nearby person. Unfortunately he didn't have enough Magicka to learn how to use the healing hands spell yet, but with enough practice and time Tim knew he would.

By the time the afternoon had grown quite late, their carriage had reached the crossroads and it was time to disembark. 

"Thanks again for the help with the bandits and getting my money back from them," Bjorlam said from the carriage as Tim and Lucien disembarked. "I really wish I could take you directly to Ivarstead. Next time we cross paths, if you need a lift, I'll take you wherever you want free of charge." Then, with a wave, the horse and carriage were heading up the northbound path.

"So," Lucien started as he glanced at the signpost in front of them and zeroed in on the one pointing the direction of Ivarstead. "Shall we put in an hour or two of walking before setting up camp for the night?"

Tim studied the sky. Now that they had replaced wide open fields for more heavily wooded mountainous terrain it was harder to gauge the time and to see how close the sun was to the horizon. "I don't think so," he mused aloud. "I think it's actually pretty late in the afternoon, and we should use what's left of the daylight to find a safe spot to set up camp before it gets dark."

The pair of them ultimately set up camp just a little ways off the main road closer to the river's edge. By the time the sun had set, their tent was set up, a stew made of dried meats and vegetables was simmering in a pot by the fire, and both Tim and Lucien were reading and discussing a book that the Court Wizard Farengar had gifted to Tim before they left Whiterun.

The black leather-bound tome was called "The Book of the Dragonborn" and had been written sometime in the Third Era. It had a fair bit of information about the term "Dragonborn" and it's history both with the Emperors of Cyrodiil as well as with the Nords of Skyrim.

"So once upon a time all the Emperors of your homeland used to be Dragonborn?" Tim asked curiously as he gave the pot one final stir.

"That was always thought to be one of the hard requirements to be a true legitimate emperor of Cyrodiil," Lucien replied as he watched Tim place some of stew into a bowl. "St. Alessia's descendants were the first Dragonborn Dynasty. Once her line died off, then a new Dragonborn named Reman Cyrodiil rose up, became Emperor, and started his own Reman Dynasty. After that, during the Third Era, it was Tiber Septim, known as Talos Stormcrown by the Nords, who was identified as Dragonborn and started the Septim Dynasty, before that line too died off during the Oblivion Crisis. There hasn't been a Dragonborn identified since then... well... not until possibly you." He took the bowl Tim offered with a grin. "Who knows, I could be here dining under the stars with the next future Emperor of Cyrodiil?"

Tim had just grasped his own bowl, but froze the moment those words left Lucien's mouth. He stared at the scholar wide-eyed before shaking his head slightly. "Don't even joke about something like that," he said uneasily. "I can't be... No... Just no." After taking a seat next to Lucien, Tim glanced at open book that had been resting on a flat stone between them and flipped a few pages over until he was past the portions about Cyrodilic Emperors. The very thought of something like that happening made Tim's skin crawl.

Thankfully, Lucien didn't press the subject and instead started eating. As he ate, he read over the page Tim had flipped to and raised his eyebrows curiously. "Hm. That's interesting."

"What is?"

"There appears to be mention of some sort of prophecy regarding someone referred to as the 'Last Dragonborn'." Lucien pointed with his spoon at the passage that caught his eyes. 

Tim placed his own bowl down and picked up the book to angle it better to read in the firelight. He read the passage out loud.

"When misrule takes its place at the eight corners of the world

"When the Brass Tower walks and Time is reshaped

"When the thrice-blessed fail and the Red Tower trembles

"When the Dragonborn ruler loses his throne, and the White Tower falls

"When the Snow Tower lies sundered, kingless, bleeding

"The World-Eater wakes, and the Wheel turns upon the Last Dragonborn."

Tim looked up to Lucien. "Does any of that make any sense to you?"

"Maybe?" Lucien said hesitantly. "If we were at the museum I could probably figure out most of those references. However, the fourth line about the Dragonborn ruler losing their throne has to be about the end of the Septim line in the third era. And the bit about the White Tower falling... That's obvious enough to me because it's talking about the end of the Great War that happened in Cyrodiil about twenty-five years ago. The Imperial City was sacked by armies from the Aldmeri Dominion, which is led by an Elven Supremacist faction called the Thalmor. The White Tower must be referring to the White-Gold Tower, which served as the royal palace and was damaged during the war." At the mention of the Thalmor, Lucien grimaced. 

"What are the Thalmor?"

"They're a faction of elves, primarily Altmer from the Summerset Isles, who believe that the races of Mer have supremacy over the races of Men. The faction had been expanding their influence through invasion of other lands for years. The Great War is when they attempted to do the same with Cyrodiil and the Empire." 

Then Lucien sighed. "The Great War only ended with what is called the White-Gold Concordat. It was a 'peace treaty' that allowed the Empire to continue overall rule and ended the war, but essentially ceded a great deal of money, land, and influence over the government to the Thalmor and the Aldmeri Dominion."

Tim absorbed all this with a grim expression. "We had something like this happen in my own world's history," he admitted. "Two world wars that took place in the last century, instigated by racial supremacists." He shook his head. 

"Were they victorious or were they defeated?" Lucien asked curiously.

"Oh they were defeated, but the costs of the wars, especially the second one, were very, very high."

The pair were quiet for a long moment. Then Lucien broke the silence. "Timothy... I know you are a good young man and hate to see any injustice. But please promise me that you won't throw yourself into any conflicts with the Thalmor."

When Tim looked like he wanted to argue, Lucien raised his hand. "The Thalmor's forces are not like bandits. They're not like the soldiers of the Legion or the Stormcloaks either. Even their lowest ranked foot soldiers are made of elves who wield powerful spells as well as blades, and you have no defense against magic. If you fight them, in your current state, they will kill you or worse."

Tim opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it without uttering a word for a moment. Then he sighed with a resigned expression. "So what should i look out for? What do they look like so I know who to avoid?"

"Their rank and file soldiers wear a light armor made of a gold colored metal. Their more powerful higher ranked wizards wear black hooded robes with silver or gold trim."

Tim nodded. Then he looked at Lucien. "Y'know, while we're on the topic, who are the other races of men and 'mer' I should know about?"

Lucien smiled a little, obviously happier to leave the topic of the Thalmor behind them. "Well, let's start off with one I know you haven't met yet called the Khajiit. They are quite a fascinating people..."

NOTE: You can read the entire text from "The Book of the Dragonborn" here: https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/The_Book_of_the_Dragonborn

It is an actual in-game book that can be found at the start of the playthrough in Helgen.

Also, the tent and campfire were all provided by the lovely "Campfire - Complete Camping System" mod found here: https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/667

#elder scrolls dc#fanfiction#tim drake#skyrim fanfiction#red robin#batfam#crossover#lucien flavius#wip#afewnovelideas