#no more dark academia dream for me

[tullycicero]

the funniest part of being in dark academia spaces etc online is that you do really begin to see how like fake all of it is when people are posting and reblogging pictures of your own university (and romanticising your own degree) and they've all just been... desaturated to high heaven like no the shortcut to your lectures doesn't look like that - nothing weirder than seeing people look up to what is essentially half of your life as an aesthetic pinnacle and meanwhile there you are doing studying the classics in an old british university and that is not the vibe

idk it just makes me laugh, seeing photos that can literally include the outside of my own student bedroom being romanticised when i can see very clearly that the sepia filter is blasted to 100 and there aren't tourists everywhere

[taeyongdoyoung]

that's a warning

summary: your professor's age is not a problem to you. and neither is his dark secret... pairing: professor!chan x uni student!reader genre: dark academia, vampire!au, smut warnings: professor/student dynamic, age gap (unspecified), mentions of toxic friend, descriptions of blood, kissing, biting, eating out, blowjob, daddy kink (who's surprised?), ddlg implied, size kink, unprotected sex, forbidden relationship, insecurities, danger kink author's note: this is based on a dream i had + inspired by railway, obviously. read at your own risk 🥵 too many references to the song's lyrics in bold, sawrryyy word count: 3k

The moment you set your eyes on Professor Bang, you know that you need to have him. You've never felt an attraction so intense, so overpowering, so sinister in its obsession. You are willing to go to any lengths to get close to him. Even if it kills you.

It starts off innocent, almost childlike. The way you stay after his lectures to ask him silly questions (you know the answers to) about the homework. Sometimes you ask him about the location of other lecture halls (even though you've been to them hundreds of times). Sometimes you go to his office hours just to be alone with him (even though you are perfectly confident in understanding the study material).

At first, Chan accepts your incessant flood of questions with an easy-going smile. If he's being honest with himself, he likes the attention. It's been a while since someone's been that interested in talking to him. Especially someone so…young. Most students usually avoid his intense stare. He's been told it's far too intimidating. He tries to be welcoming to everyone but he's not sure he's doing a good job.

But as the semester nears its end, his patience wears thin. You always get full marks on your assignments and quizzes so he doesn't understand why you are constantly asking for his "help". And he's certain you know your way around the university better than any other student. You're always on time and your homework is flawless 100% of the time. So, he really doesn't get it. Are you messing with him? Is it funny to you to joke around with a poor old lonely professor?

Chan's decided he's had enough. And this time, when you catch him alone after the lecture, he's going to confront you.

"Cut the act," Professor Bang scolds you directly. "I know you know the answer to that question. Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what, Professor Bang?" you ask innocently, while batting your eyelashes.

"Pretending you're dumb. It's obvious you're a top student, so why are you always asking me stuff?" he grunts and pins you down with his intense gaze you're so addicted to.

Hell, you've never felt more terrified. It excites you.

"Don't you know already?" you mumble quietly. You want to look away but you're trapped in his beautiful dark eyes. So you don't.

"Is it fun, messing with an old man like me, huh? Is it some stupid college dare?" Chan asks, his insecurities getting the worst of him.

"You're not old," you insist passionately. "There's no dare. I just…like you."

"You…like me?" he repeats in disbelief.

You nod furiously, trying to convince him of your sincerity.

"But…why?"

"What do you mean why? You're so smart and handsome and sometimes even cute. I like…how you explain stuff like you don't think anyone is dumb, you're so patient and…warm."

Huh. Warm? It's been a while since someone's used that word to describe him, Chan thought.

"You do realize we could both get in trouble if…" he can't even believe he's even considering this. "If we were to…pursue something outside of the university walls?"

Fuck it, he said it.

"I know. I won't tell anyone, I promise," you are desperately grasping at straws as you find yourself so close to the one thing you've ever wanted more than anything.

Professor Bang shakes his head.

"I'm not asking you to keep it a complete secret. Just…if you choose to share it with people, be careful who you trust."

"I understand, Professor, I'll be careful," you promise.

"And…call me Chris or Chan or something," he shrugs. "When it's just us two."

God. It's really happening.

"Let me take you out to a restaurant," he offers suddenly. "Tomorrow evening?"

"That sounds amazing!" you grin excitedly.

Your first date with Chan arrives and you are so happy you feel like you could die. You don't wanna jinx things so soon and don't tell anyone where you're going.

"You look stunning," he compliments your dress as he pulls a chair out for you.

"Thank you so much, Chris," you smile and take a seat. "You look absolutely dashing, as always."

He chuckles but doesn't respond rightaway.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just…I don't hear that much. Especially not from beautiful young women such as yourself."

"You're surely joking?" you frown. "Anyone would kill to be in my shoes right now."

"You're too kind," Chan replies, not seeming to believe your words and you decide to drop the subject. For now. "What would you like to drink?"

"Hmm…maybe some red wine?"

"Good choice," he smirks. "And food?"

"I'm really into pasta these days!" you squeal with excitement.

Chris orders for the two of you, making your heart flutter for the hundredth time. He's just…so dependable.

Till the food arrives, you busy yourselves with getting to know each other better. Outside of the university walls, it turns out you are both passionate about things other than academic endeavours. And with each glass of red, it becomes easier to share stuff about yourself with him.

As the evening nears its natural conclusion, Chan insists on paying the bill for the food and drinks.

"Now I feel bad," you pout adorably, clinging onto his arm for support, because all the wine made your legs slightly unstable. "Let's go for coffee!"

"I don't…really drink coffee," Chris confesses shyly.

"Tea, then! Please, I don't want to go home just yet. This night is so perfect, I don't want it to end."

"Okay, okay," he agrees easily.

You lead the way to one of your favourite cafés. This time, you excitedly pay for the warm beverages.

"It's snowing outside!" you marvel at the pretty snowflakes falling, illuminated by the street lights.

"Good thing we're all cozy and inside, then," Chan chuckles.

"Yeah…" you smile softly. "I really like you, Chan," you admit.

"I know, you said that a couple of times," he shakes his head, amused.

"Yes, but…you didn't say anything. Do you like me, too?" you inquire self-consciously.

"I do like you. You're very clever and funny and obviously super pretty."

"Really?" you blink furiously to stop yourself from tearing up. You don't get to hear something like that by someone you admire so much. Someone who inspires you to be as diligent and hard-working as him. Scratch that. You don't get to hear words like that very often. It sometimes strikes you how badly you need to be acknowledged for your efforts.

"You must know that."

"No, actually, I don't," you smile sadly. "But it's really nice of you to say it. True or not."

Chan stretches his hand out across the table to hold yours.

"Hey. It's true, okay?"

"Guess I'll stick around to find out, yeah? And maybe I'll help you believe it, too," you suggest.

"Maybe. I'd really like that."

And stick around you do. The next semester, Chan is no longer your Professor, so you don't have to worry so much about getting in trouble with the university's authorities. Eventually, as things start becoming more serious, you decide to share the news about your boyfriend's identity with a few of your closest friends.

Luckily, most of them are super supportive and happy about your relationship. They tell you that you've looked happier recently and are pleased to finally know the reason. There is one friend, however, who is completely against.

"I don't approve. You can't date him," she outright says.

"Can't? Excuse me?" you become aggravated. You've had some fights in the past, situations when she's been jealous of you hanging out with other friends and has done some toxic stuff behind your back. So, her reaction doesn't come as a complete surprise. But still, it sucks that she hasn't outgrown this kind of pettiness.

"He's like…too old for you. And the fact he was your Professor is just…gross."

"How can you say that? You've never even met him."

"Then, let me meet him."

"Why would you meet him if you've already made up your mind?"

"To make sure he's worthy of you, duh."

"That's my call to make. Not yours."

And with that, you leave. This is just…too much. Later, you talk to another friend about this situation to get a second opinion.

"Nah, fuck her. I mean, it's your relationship, she can't dictate how you feel or who you're seeing romantically."

"Right? That's exactly what I've been thinking."

"It sucks that she said those stuff but maybe you're better off," your other friend shrugs.

"Yeah…For the time being, I'll distance myself from her. If she starts acting like an adult, only then will I consider letting her back in."

"That's totally valid," your friend agrees. "Take your time and look after your mental health."

"Thank you so much. I knew you'd get it."

"Always!"

Soon after that, you hang out at Chan's place and you decide to talk talk to him about the falling-out with that toxic friend.

"Well, technically, I am too old for you."

"The fuck you are! Are you taking her side?" you cry out passionately.

"Hell, no! I'm just saying…you could find any college guy your age and…"

"No, shut up, Chris!" you shake your head, refusing to entertain such an idea. "I don't want anyone but you!"

"But I'm dangerous for you," Chan sighs. But you can't believe that. He's been nothing but kind and accepting in the short time you've known each other.

"What do you mean?" you ask.

"You'd think I'm crazy if I told you," he grins somewhat devilishly. "It'd be better if I showed you instead. But then, I'd have to kill you."

"W-what?" you stammer, his behaviour totally unlike the gentle guy you're used to seeing.

Suddenly, Chris grabs your wrist and starts pulling you somewhere.

"W-where are we g-going?" you ask helplessly but he doesn't respond. He's too strong to fight him back so you just try to keep up with his speed and follow him down the stairs and into the basement. Where you'll find answers to questions you didn't even know you were supposed to be asking.

When he unlocks the door, you are greeted with red. A lot of it.

"What is all this?"

"Come on, sweetheart, I thought you were smarter than that," Chris chuckles.

"It's…blood banks," you state the obvious, feeling dumber than ever.

"Wow, you don't say," Chris replies sarcastically.

"Why…why do you have all this blood in your basement? Is it like a…kink thing?!" you gasp in shock.

"No, darling, it's not a kink thing," he laughs, the idea incredibly amusing. "Take a guess."

"Are you a serial killer?" you try to think of a logical explanation.

"You're too realistic," Chris sighs. "Think…something you never thought possible."

"You're…a vampire!" you exclaim triumphantly.

"Bingo," he confirms unenthusiastically. "So, your friend was correct to worry. I am too old for you. And bad for you. I never should have let this go so far."

You shake your head.

"N-no, she's not right," you disagree. "I don't care."

"You don't care?" Chris tilts your chin up, facing you directly. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to restrain myself from sucking your blood dry?"

You gulp nervously but refuse to believe he'd actually do that. Especially considering he hasn't done so already…

"Why did you become a Professor surrounded by so many humans if self-control is so hard for you?" you push back cleverly.

"It's never been a problem for me to control my thirst. Until you."

"Then, why did you let me get so close?" you inquire.

"Because I was weak…And lonely. I shouldn't have let you in."

Your eyes tear up with emotion.

"Are you saying you'd be happier without me?"

"Happier?" Chris scoffs. "No, I wouldn't be happier. But you would be safer without me."

"Fuck that," you argue. "I am safe when it's just you and me. Knowing you're a vampire changes nothing about how I feel about you."

"Then, you're even more insane than I am," Chris sighs, unable to deny the growing tension between you two.

You kiss him roughly to prove him right, digging your fingers into his soft hair. He kisses you back just as hungrily, incapable of letting you go.

Yes, he may be dangerous for you. But so are you. Willingly pursuing him, not running away from him despite knowing the truth.

He grabs your hair and pulls back, exposing your neck.

"Last chance to get out of here. That's a warning," Chris whispers darkly.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" you grin, completely trusting him.

Even if he was your Professor, even if he is way older than you than you initially thought, even if he is a blood-sucking predator, there is no one else you'd trust so unconditionally, so irrevocably.

"What if I hurt you?" he asks, a hint of worry making his dark eyes glow with warmth.

"You couldn't," you insist and close your eyes, tilting your neck. "You can bite me, if you want."

"You're crazy," Chris repeats.

"I trust you," you speak your thoughts out loud.

And this is his breaking point. He attacks your neck with his sharp fangs, not wanting to hold back any longer. The bite stings but in such a sweet way you would be happy to go, if this was your fate…As he drinks from you, you weakly wrap your hands around his neck for support, needing him to ground you. Just as badly as he needed one taste from your delicious blood. If your blood is what Chris needs for survival, then he will surely be your undoing.

Somehow, against all reason, Chan manages to detach his fangs from your neck.

"Fuck," he caresses your neck, smearing the blood all over your porcelain skin. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," you murmur dazedly. "I'm okay."

He holds you close, kissing your cheeks and trying to clean up the mess he made.

"Let's get out of here," Chan suggests and lifts you in his arms, carrying you back to the coziness of his place.

"I don't mind," you reassure him. "You being a vampire, that is. I love every part about you. I love...you."

"You…love me?" Chan gasps in surprise.

"I do, I love you," you say once again for good measure.

He doesn't say anything, just kisses you again in disbelief. You hug him tightly, finding so much comfort in his arms. Whatever you've heard about vampires doesn't apply to Chan. He's radiating so much warmth you feel you could burn.

"Hold on tight," he warns and you grip the headboard top rail for dear life, as Chan makes sure to show you blood is not the only thing he's interested in drinking.

As he laps up your juices greedily, you find yourself on the verge of losing your sanity. Your hands give out and you let go of the bed's railings and opt for burying your fingers into his curls once more for support.

"Chris, please, please," you cry out, not even sure what you're begging for. For him to stop? For sweet release? It doesn't matter, as long as he stays with you.

Soon enough, your prayers are answered and you start seeing stars floating in the middle of the room.

"Did I kill you already?" he laughs upon seeing your reaction.

"Try harder," you tease him, even though you are already so gone.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Chris shrugs.

He takes off his jeans and stuffs your mouth full with his giant cock. You try to babble something but it's no use and your helplessness only turns him on more. You hug the back of his knees and let him fuck your throat as he pleases, even though you don't have much of a choice in the matter. Your vision is cloudy with tears and you can't even ask for mercy as his cum starts flooding your mouth. If you thought him drinking your blood was overwhelming, this is on a whole 'nother level of dizzying.

Once he's done using and abusing your throat, he pulls his cock out, smirking at you from above.

"You okay, sweetheart? Still alive?"

"Y-yes, d-daddy," you manage to croak out weakly.

Chris shakes his head in amusement upon hearing the sudden title.

"Then, I guess Daddy's gonna have to give ya a rough ride so you'll forget your own name, huh? How does that sound?"

"More, please," you plead desperately and he makes good on his promise.

He enters you without another warning and you can't keep your screams inside.

"G-god, y-yes," you moan.

"God isn't in this room, darling," Chris cackles maniacally. "The devil, however…"

You kiss him again because he's talking so much your brain can't keep up.

"S-so b-big," you cry.

"Yeah? Too big for my little girl?" he teases you.

"N-no. P-perfect. You're perfect," you insist stubbornly.

Chris fucks into you with supernatural stamina and you are grateful for that because even though you want to, you aren't able of keeping pace with him. Instead, you are happy to just hold onto him and focusing all your energy into…well, not passing out. You're so wet for him that his enormous size slides in and out easily, satisfying both of you with the intensity of the feeling. At last, you cum together, overwhelmed by the passion and affection you feel for each other.

He collapses on top of you, not wanting to pull out just yet. You welcome his weight like he's a giant blanket, comforting you.

"Don't wanna let go of you," Chan murmurs cutely.

You stroke his hair once more with a gentle touch. How is this man who has so many more years of experience still such a cute boy, desperate for tenderness?

"Then, don't. I'm all yours to keep," you chuckle weakly.

"That wouldn't be very productive to our academic future," Chan complains.

"It's okay. I feel like we've both earned a little break," you point out.

"From university? Sure. But when it comes to us two…I need no break. No brakes."

"Nicely said," you giggle, ready for another round on this train that never sleeps.

The End

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

MASTER LIST OF INSTRUMENTAL PLAYLISTS FOR WRITING (OR FOR STUDYING, MAKING ART, ETC.)

I find that the perfect writing playlist can GREATLY enhance the writing experience. Even if it doesn't make your writing "better" (which it can, since it helps writers with visualization, tone, and mood), it can definitely make your writing flow easier!

Personally, words distract me when I'm writing, either by breaking my train of thought or by getting me too into the music so that I'm jamming out to my favorite tunes instead of writing.

Therefore, I've amassed a vast knowledge of instrumental music across a variety of media over a course of many years. Now here I am, deciding to share all of them with you!

Maddy’s Favorite Instrumental Songs

Just like the title says. All of the best pieces of instrumental music I've ever heard, compiled together with no regard for genre. It can be a bit of a whiplash playlist, but some amazing recs in there that I just like listening to in my free time, not just for writing.

Maddy’s Ultimate Instrumental Playlist

A mega compilation of 550+ fantastic instrumental music from a variety of media and genres. Kind of a whiplash playlist if you put it on shuffle, but is a great start for anyone looking to find what kind of instrumental music they like! Playlist Groupings in Order: Independent instrumental songs, live action movies, animated movies, animated tv shows, live action tv shows, video games.

Maddy's Instrumental for Sleep

Some more chill vibe instrumental for people who either A) want to sleep or B) want a relaxed playlist that won't distract you with loud volume and sudden changes in tempo or melody.

MISC PLAYLISTS:

you're a haggard adventurer discovering worlds beyond your wildest dreams

Music to inspire wonder and wanderlust, the kind of feeling you get when you finally reach the end of a mountain hike and see the world stretching out before you.

you're a hero who's just lost everything

Basically the most sad instrumental music I could find. A playlist for grief and revenge.

more beneath the cut :)

you're a cowboy in the great American West

Cowboy instrumental for all of your ambient and writing needs. Or if you just really want to feel like a cowboy.

you're a divine witness

Epic choir music (no English). Most religious, some not, but all kind of have that eerie sacred vibe. I listen to this while writing my book about angels and demons.

you’re a scholar uncovering the secrets of the universe

Great chill study playlist! Has the kind of same exploratory/discovery type feel as the haggard adventurer playlist, but more dark academia.

you’re a villain plotting to take over the world

Villain-coded instrumental! Sinister, dark, and/or unsettling.

you're an academic weapon

HIGH BPM STUDY PLAYLIST! Keeps me focused, hyped, and helps me work faster!

you're an ancient god

Playlist that gives an ancient/eerie vibe. But some ancient gods are merciful- so there are some upbeat songs for wonder and awe!

you're falling in love

Music that encapsulates what I think falling in love feels like. Very beautiful, tender, and uplifting instrumental.

you're fighting the final battle

Intense and epic battle music for all of your fight-scene-writing needs! Good for getting shit done, but isn't necessarily restricted to high BPM like the academic weapon playlist.

you're having a tea party

Refined instrumental for a tea party, including classical, big band, and some miscellaneous goodies.

you're in a chase scene

Music for writing chase scenes. Pretty good hype music, too. Includes soundtracks from classic chase scenes in popular media!

you're in the medieval times

Medieval-sounding music for all of your ambient and/or writing needs.

you’re in your childhood room. the door is open a crack. people talk softly downstairs.

A playlist dedicated to nostalgia, to the feeling of lying in bed with your nightlight on after being too tired to stay awake at your family get-together. Could either make your day or break your heart lmao

you're the happiest you've ever been

Lighthearted instrumental meant to lift your spirits! A playlist dedicated to the joys of the little things.

[tiamathh]

Walk Walk Fashion Baby

Hi girlies new year new style ykwim anyway this is a pac that i have been wanting to make for a long time but i was like idk how many ppl will like it etc but now idc about all that i want to have fun so here it is!! Have fun and stay hydrated. muah <33 also my paid readings are open there are a few slots (15) if anyone's interested xx ciao <3 like and rb if you like xx

Masterlist / Paid Readings + FB / Tip jar

Pile 1

Hi pile 1! You need to try that classical, timeless, style, i know it can be annoying to look at all the beige and muted tones but its so much more than that like, picture this, a tailored blazer or high-waisted trousers that fit like a dream. tbh I am also getting pearls for some reason so maybe adding neckklaces as accessories can be something you are interested in to incorporate in your style next year. Start with a simple white shirt, a fitted black dress, or a pair of cut jeans. Then you can accesorise with delicate gold bracelet, a black bag, or a string of pearls again with the pearls they are calling for you right nowww.

Moreover, another style you can incorporate is just as sharp, and elegant so like the whole academia aesthetic, regardless of light or dark that doesn’t matter but what I am trying to say is, clothes with shape. Like cinched wastes and just clothes that create shape for you are like something you really should give thought to. It’s about being comfortable but also looking effortlesss while doing it all, I think basics like camis, just plain shirts/tshirts are something you need more of in your closet because theres so many ways to style them other than just for formal wear. Like one style inspo is literally Proncess Diana cannot get more elgant than her istg, enjoy muah <33

Pile 2

Y’all this is my pile you guys are my PEOPLE ok to begin with you need to stop being afraid of colour and looseness like not everything has to be tight and fitted especially just because the microtrend world says so. Experiment with “loud” colours and different textures, things you may have thought are “odd” and don’t look good, because trust me the way it can all be pulled together is crazy and so much fun!! Layer, the most important part, stack rings and bracelets and go for those colours that lowkey hurt your eyes because fashion is about colour and pattern and texture and taking all of it out of fashion just makes it dull imo.

Start with a bright coloured tshirt, maybe something like yellow, then layer on, very “indie kid” aesthetic like the high saturation stuff. Mixed with that I am also getting maximalism to the MAX layer layer layer, stack stack stack you should look like a walking apparell store (kidding) seriously though if you have been feeling like you want to experiment with something like this and oxidised jewellery and mixing different styles mainly because all of your wardrobe is mismatched (me) then go for it because I promise it will come out looking way better than you may have imagined. 

Pile 3: 

Ooo I love this, okay so very romanticised, very coquette but not really, this is also the pile which will look so good in pastels in lighter colours. All I am getting in my head are those pictures of people on picnics in their flowy outfits and dresses looking so pretty and at peace, bows and dellicate bangles, just a very dainty aesthetic im thinking light fabrics and romantic fashion like lace-trimmed dresses, pastel skirts and floral prints, very fairytaile-ish. Ruffles or embroidery too and just magical overall. Also the complete opposite of pile 2 here, minimalist aesthetic may suit you a lot so try it out next year!

I am talking about keeping it simple, not too much with the accessorising and maybe a staple or statement accessory piece that goes with everything and anything you wear. Also for some of you with this simplistic style, you may have to be pushed to try on something more glam too like a bold red lip when it comes to makeup, like be bolder with your makeup experiment with more purples, pinks and reds while keeping the outfits simpler. 

All Rights Reserved tiamathh©® DO NOT PLAGIARISE, REWORD, STEAL!

[arvandus]

The Beauty of Broken Things

Barbatos x GN!Reader

Content warnings: SFW; reader with (vague) mental health issues; Reader has self-deprecating thoughts and low self-esteem; hurt/comfort; lots of dialogue; romance; first kiss (cuz I'm a sap 💚)

Author's Note: Not me coming out of hiatus to drop this at 1:20am on a weekday. ANYWAY.... I was going through it a month or so ago and this was very therapeutic and self-indulgent to write. Hopefully you'll find some comfort in it as well. 💚

You creep into the RAD greenhouse under the cover of the Devildom darkness.  The warm yellow lights, usually on to allow students to observe and take notes,  are turned off for the evening, causing the devildom flora to transform from something familiar to something alien, branches reaching like arms and long, pointed leaves stretched out like grasping fingers.

But despite the sinister threat of danger that is interlaced in the native plant life, it still feels comforting.  The gnarled limbs and black leaves feel more protective than threatening, arching over your head to provide a canopy of privacy in the quiet, uninhabited space.

Usually the greenhouse is a bustle of student activity, with botany classes often perusing the aisles with their notebooks and art students lingering with their sketchbooks.  But classes had long since ended, the busy chaos of academia ushered away by the sinking of the large Devildom moon, bringing with it night within night.

You need this.  You need the silence, the privacy, the darkness.  The House of Lamentation doesn’t offer it.  The Demon Lord’s castle is also not an option as you don’t want to impose purely for the sake of self-isolation.

No, this is perfect.  It is safe, safer than losing yourself in the real forests that press against the outskirts of the Devildom.  It is a place for hiding, a place for becoming invisible.  It is a place that makes you feel small, from the tightly clustered plants around you to the vast starry sky that slowly rotates high beyond the confines of the glass ceiling.  You could almost pretend you’re a bug, an insect, or some other small life form who’s only purpose is to exist in the here and now, moment to moment. 

Maybe then you could find peace in your mind; maybe that voice of sickness and lies that whispered louder than any demon would fall silent.

Not all days were this bad.  But the added stress, the fatigue.... you knew it was only a matter of time before you found yourself dangerously close to that pitch black rock bottom. You felt it encroaching, a shadow teasing the edges of your mind, and you knew... you knew you had to find somewhere to gather yourself, to work through it without interruption or curious eyes.

This helps.  A place of quiet, of privacy, of nature, even if the nature isn’t your own.  In its own alien way, it’s perfect.

Perfect, but also lonely. You both love and hate it, glad to be unnoticed for once but vulnerable against the rare isolation.  Rare, but not unfamiliar.  You sit with it; let it soak into your bones.  Like putting on old shoes that still fit, worn soles perfectly conformed to your feet, your mind eases into accepting that familiar ache, a feeling not often experienced anymore, but still deeply rooted in old memories and dreams.  The old loneliness hollows you out, slows the blood rushing through your veins as your mind eventually quiets to a low hum of white noise.  It brings its own twisted kind of peace; not the healthy kind that heals and rejuvenates, but the broken kind that separates you from yourself, an act of cutting rather than mending.

If you could turn to stone in this moment, you would.

But not even this will last forever, your quiet reverie interrupted by the sound of the door to the greenhouse opening and closing.  The sound of the click and the creak of the hinge is startling against the endless quiet, and it makes you jolt.  You fight the irrational urge to hide within the surrounding shrubbery, as if such an act would truly hide you at all, and instead curl in on yourself with arms and legs crossed on the stone bench where you sit.

Whoever it is, is as silent as a ghost; you hear no footsteps, nor sounds of breath.  Whoever it is does not speak, so you know instantly it is not any of the brothers or even Diavolo.  But you feel their presence, and you know they feel yours.  There is an awareness in the air that wasn’t present before, the atmosphere going from one of empty quiet, to buzzing consciousness.

A moment later, a familiar pair of polished black shoes come into your field of view, attached to a familiar set of legs that stand formally in a way that only a royal butler could accomplish.

You look up and your eyes meet Barbatos, who stares down at you with a calm, curious expression and a slight tilt of his head.  He’s still dressed in his RAD uniform, but his white gloves are removed, likely tucked into the interior chest pocket of his tailcoat.

“MC,” he says gently.  “I did not expect you to be here. You do know that the RAD campus is closed, yes?”

“I know,” you reply. 

Even so, you make no motion to move, your body still curled within itself protectively.  It isn’t so much to protect against him, but to hold onto that feeling of smallness that helps to separate you from the ache in your chest and the cacophony of your mind. 

“Why are you here?” you ask.

“Some of the flora require care after school hours, so I tend to them prior to locking up for the evening.”

“Ah.” Your sour mood strips you of your warmth, your words fading away as you retreat back into yourself.

Barbatos stares at you for a moment longer, before gesturing to the bench. “May I?”

You return his stare with your own before moving over just enough to make room for him.  The bench is small, comfortable for one, a slight squeeze for two, but he sits nonetheless, seemingly unbothered.  The proximity of him is a brand and a blessing, the heat of him surprisingly comforting while your heart thuds harder in your chest.  You’re rarely ever this close to him, any prior instances of physical contact occurring out of necessity rather than choice.

You both sit in silence for a long time.  You aren’t sure if he is expecting an explanation from you, but you couldn’t give one even if you wanted to, the struggles within yourself too tangled to fully unravel, especially with how weathered you feel.

Finally, after a few minutes, he is the one to break the silence, the smooth richness of his voice breaking the quiet that sits like a bridge between you.

“I often find the Devildom flora more beautiful in the dark.”

It is an olive branch, and you take it, a small smile curling the corners of your lips.

“Me too,” you reply.  “It feels more natural this way. When the lights are on, it feels like we’re trying to force the plants and flowers to be something they’re not.”

Barbatos stares at you for a long, quiet moment before returning his gaze ahead of him.  “Indeed. Things are more beautiful when they are allowed to be themselves.”

A sentiment you share, and yet it isn’t one you can extend to yourself, and it cuts you.

“I wish that were always true...” you mutter.

It’s a thought whispered past private lips, and you regret them instantly when his keen, green eyes, nearly black in the darkness, flick back to you.

“Why would it not be?” he asks.

You shift uncomfortably and swallow the lump that suddenly manifests where your voice is supposed to be.

“I don’t know...” you finally mutter evasively.

You feel his eyes lingering on you, and it feels as if he can read the dark thoughts that live there, shadow where sunlight should be.  But if he can read your mind, he doesn’t say so, and he doesn’t pry further.

Instead, Barbatos does something that you do not expect.  His hand covers yours, untangling your fingers from your tightly clasped palms that sit in your lap.  His touch is warm, warmer than you thought it’d be, and you can’t help but wonder how different his body really is from yours when it feels so human.

You watch as Barbatos twines his fingers with yours, a simple but shockingly intimate action.  It’s surprisingly comforting, fulfilling a longing within you that you didn’t even realize you carried so heavily until just now; an anchor of companionship, unwavering in its simplicity, gentle in its unassuming nature.  There’s a lack of expectation in Barbatos’s touch, a quiet acceptance of the here and now, of the you of this moment, rather than the ‘you’ that you always present to others, or the ‘you’ that others expect of you.

It makes something within you surrender.  It forces the dissociation from your mind, pulling you instantly back into reality, into your body. Barbatos’s tenderness, given freely without price, carves a space for itself within your chest, and it hurts, the sudden sharpness of vulnerability an open wound.  That vulnerability is unfamiliar, raw, terrifying. It calls forth your fears, makes the voices of wrongness sing louder than ever, listing all of the ways you are undeserving of this moment.  And you’re angry, angry at their presence, and their ability to ruin even this for you, to taint something peaceful and beautiful with something so ugly.

The tears finally come, blurring your vision and spilling over silently onto your cheeks.  More come immediately after, and you sniff, your nose starting to run as you wipe at your face.  A handkerchief appears within your view, and you take it, your heart too shy and embarrassed to look at Barbatos properly or even offer him a mumbled thank you.  But he shows no discomfort or disdain for your tears or lack of manners. Instead, he sits quietly with you, waiting patiently as he holds your hand securely within his own, his thumb rubbing soothing strokes on the soft skin between your thumb and index finger.

Quietly you cry, and quietly he waits.  Each second longer that you cry is a confession of your imperfection, your brokenness, and each second longer that Barbatos stays by your side is an acceptance, a forgiveness.  And so, without even speaking to one another, the very act of this shared moment provides a cleansing of your heart that you’d never felt before.  Each drop of salty water is a purge, a release.  There’s an amusing irony to it; an exorcism of sorts in a place where God isn’t welcome, supported by a creature who’s existence came from darkness.

The catharsis brings release, and the release brings fatigue.  The rigidness of your spine gives way to something more pliable, and you lean your head against his shoulder as you continue to weep, albeit gentler now that the worst of it has passed.  Barbatos lets you, his thumb barely missing a beat in its strokes against your hand.  He makes no effort to increase his physical reassurance; no arm around your shoulder, no leaning of his head against the crown of yours.  You’re grateful for it, not quite ready to be touched so completely.  Maybe soon... after all, the thought does entice you... but not yet. Not when your heart is still raw and tender.

No, this is perfect. It’s just enough.

Finally, the floodwaters of your heart recede, and you wipe away the last traces of wetness from your cheeks with his silk handkerchief. It’s damp with tears and snot now, and you know you’ll have to wash it before returning it to him.  You fiddle with it with your free hand, your thumb tracing along the cursive B that is sewn into its corner with dark thread, the color muted to black in the dark.

Your hands are still intertwined with each other, your head still resting against his shoulder, and you’re grateful for it as you find the courage to finally speak, your eyes still trained on that cursive B.

Your voice is quiet, hushed by hesitancy.  “Barbatos...I have a question...”

“Hm?”

“When I die, and my soul leaves my body.... does.... does that mean that the mental illness won’t be there anymore?  Does that part get left behind?”

“Ah,” Barbatos says softly, his voice rich with understanding. “I see.”

You sit up, although his hand still holds yours; after all, you haven’t pulled away yet.  But your eyes... your eyes are downcast, the shame of your breakdown too heavy regardless of Barbatos’s tenderness.

Now that you’ve finally confessed your fear it becomes easier to speak, and the words come more freely.  “I’m just... I’m tired of being this way.  Feeling this way, thinking this way.  It’s always there, like this big, lurking monster that I can’t escape from. Except it’s a part of me. I don’t know who I am without it. And I’m—” tears choke your words, but you force yourself to continue even as your eyes once again brim and sting.  “I’m just so afraid that it’ll never go away. Even when I die, and my soul is separated from this broken fucking body—”

A long, slender finger covers your lips, halting your impending tirade of self-loathing.  It forces you to finally look at him, and you’re surprised to see how deep the concern goes within his dark gaze.

“Shh,” he says.  “Don’t say such things.  It does the richness of all that you are a disservice.”

His words stun you into silence, and you stare at him wide-eyed.  He holds your gaze for a moment longer before taking the handkerchief from your clenched fist.  You start to protest, embarrassed at the state of it, but he ignores your concerns and uses a relatively clean spot to wipe away your new tears.

You fall silent as he cares for you, and in that silence, he begins to speak.

“You humans so often like to label and categorize things, an attempt at making sense of the world around you when you’re forever doomed to know so little. Lines of comparison drawn on a beach, not realizing that in the end, it’s all made of sand.”

You frown. “I don’t understand.”

“What you’re speaking of is a sickness of the mind, correct?”

“Yes, that’s one way to put it...”

Barbatos takes your palm in his hand and turns it face up.  “I’ve heard you humans often use the term ‘mind, body, and soul’ as if they are all separate.  Back when I spent time in the human realm, humans treated the soul as synonymous with the heart and the mind as synonymous with the brain, both housed within the body.”  With his finger, he draws one large circle, and within it, places two dots vertically spaced from each other.

You stare at your palm as you ponder his words.  “Yes,” you say, “that idea still lingers... sort of...”

 You take his hand in yours, and draw your own circles – a small, a medium, and a large, all inset within each other like a target.

“I think... I see the soul and mind as synonymous of each other, in way, that they depend on each other. Or...”

 You hesitate, your fears surfacing again as you stare at Barbatos’s open palm.

 “I think...” you continue slowly, “I think I’m afraid that they’re the same thing. That the soul only exists because of the mind. If that’s true, then if my mind is broken, then so is my soul, and I’ll be carrying that brokenness with me forever.  It’s like... trying to forge something using a metal riddled with impurities.  The integrity will always be compromised, no matter how beautiful the shape in the end.”

Barbatos’s open hand closes around yours, cradling your fingertips that still rest against his skin. He turns your hand over palm up again.

“Imagine this” – he draws a large circle – “is your body. And this” – he draws a smaller circle within it – “is your mind.”

You wait for the third circle, but it never comes.  You frown.

“Where is the soul?”

“Everywhere,” he says.

Your gaze lifts from your open hand to his eyes.  He smiles back at you in quiet mirth, then drops his gaze back to your hand.  His fingers retrace over the larger circle he’d first drawn into your palm.

“Your soul,” he repeats, “is everywhere.”

Confusion once again surfaces in the contours of your face. Barbatos stares at you for a moment as he searches for the words in a way that you can understand.  His eyes sink deep beneath the surface of you, and it makes you shift beneath his gaze.  After a moment he blinks, his amusement returning.

“Perhaps it is my choice of words that is unclear,” he says. “Allow me to try again.” 

He pokes your forehead with his index finger.  “Your mind is not the same as your soul the way you fear.  It is simply consciousness, self-awareness provided you by your biology,” he explains.

“You mean my brain.”

“Yes.”

“So my mind is just another part of my body.”

“Precisely.  Your body is merely the medium through which you experience this life, whether it’s through your senses, such as sight and touch, or through your consciousness.”

He returns to your hand, his fingers tracing the invisible large circle for a third time.

“Your soul, on the other hand, is a different thing entirely.  It isn’t something that can be contained to one organ within you.  Not your heart, not your brain.  It’s deeper than that, richer,” he says quietly, as if sharing a secret.

His touch travels, his fingertips gliding feather-light across your palm, up your wrist, following the tendons and veins to your forearm where goosebumps begin to awaken across your sensitive skin.

“It’s energy.  It’s life,” he continues. “It’s eternal, and it’s woven into every fiber of your being, a golden thread holding you together like the universe’s most exquisite tapestry.”

Your breath catches in your throat as his fingers curve around your forearm until he holds it within his hand, his thumb rubbing gently against the soft skin where your veins rest beneath. His words enrapture you, his touch enthralls you. If there was ever a moment in your life you could stay trapped in forever, it would be this one.

But the moment is short-lived.  Barbatos’s soothing touch halts mid-motion, his expression turning blank, as if he suddenly remembers himself and realizes the growing intimacy of the exchange.  He withdraws his hand, and it leaves a cold emptiness where his warmth had been.

You ponder his words, but it only leads to more questions.

“My soul is everywhere...” you mutter.  “But Barbatos... if it’s woven into my body, then how...?”

“How does your soul pass on after you die?”

You nod.

Barbatos holds his chin in his fingers thoughtfully.  “You are thinking too literally.  Perhaps it is my own failure to find the right words.  Human speech doesn’t offer enough nuance to fully describe something your kind still struggles to understand.”

He ponders a moment longer, his brow knit together in concentration.  Finally his head lifts and his gaze meets yours.  “Ah.  Perhaps we can describe it as such.  Your body is made of matter, correct? And if you look deep enough, you know that all matter is made up of atoms.  But not even atoms ever completely touch.” He takes your hand in one of his and holds it up, your palm facing him, as he brings his other hand within a hair’s breadth; close enough to feel the heat emanating off of him, but not actually touching.  “There’s a negative space, ever present yet so infinitesimal that you’d never know it’s there.”  His hand finally touches yours, his fingers aligned with yours as he splays them out.  “It is this space that your soul exists, interwoven, encapsulating every atom of what you are.”

You’re staring at your touching hands, wide-eyed now, as you take in what he’s told you.  The scope of it feels nearly too vast to properly comprehend, despite how hard you try.

“It’s all very... complicated...” you mutter as you finally lower your hand back to your lap.

“Hm, is it?” Barbatos replies with a curious tilt of his head.  “Here then, another example, but simpler.  If you were to lose a limb, would it damage your soul?”

“No, of course not.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re separate.”

And finally, it clicks for you. 

Barbatos smiles.  “Precisely.  So, if a lost limb will not damage your soul, then why should a damaged mind?”

The weightlessness of relief begins to spread from the center of your chest, and you release a long, deep breath.

“I see,” you say.  “So when I die...”

“When you die, your soul continues on, transformed, as your body decays.”

The balloon of relief breaks and you do a doubletake.  “...transformed?”

Barbatos nods.  “Yes, by your experiences and choices in this life.”

Once again that despair rears, the dark void opening beneath your feet as you cling to your dwindling hope. You once again wrap your arms around yourself protectively, as if you are the only one who can keep yourself from falling, despite the presence of the demon directly in front of you.

“But... Barbatos,” you protest, “sometimes mental illnesses can cause people to make bad choices.  Wrong choices.  Hurtful choices.  If those can impact the soul, then wouldn’t that mean the soul does get damaged? Or tainted?”

Barbatos falls silent for a long moment, and you avoid looking into his eyes, your gaze downcast.  His hand reaches out and covers your forearm reassuringly, but your arms remain crossed.

“As a demon, I cannot attest to how just the Celestial Realm’s rules are.  I, for one, find them to be rather suffocating and arbitrary, lacking in nuance.  But even I would be shocked if such things weren’t taken into consideration when it is time for a soul to be set upon the scales of judgment.”

Scales of judgment... the idea makes you nauseous.

Barbatos’s touch to your forearm is replaced by both of his hands on your arms just below the shoulders.  You can tell from the way he moves that he is ducking his head lower in an attempt to catch your avoiding eyes, but you keep  yourself hidden lest your tears return.

“MC....” he says softly,  “are you worried that you will be judged unfairly when your time comes?”

It takes a moment for you to find your voice, and when you do it’s thicker, heavy under the weight of emotions.  “Maybe... or maybe I’m worried I’ll be judged fairly.”

“If you do not go to heaven when your time comes, then the Celestial Realm truly is run by fools.”

His words surprise you, and you finally catch his gaze, amusement beneath a raised, sarcastic brow.  Your skin grows hot and you avert your eyes for a different reason, your shoulders lifting slightly in subtle retreat.

“Well,” you continue, “you said yourself that the soul gets transformed during this life.  I’ve made some not-so-great choices, so far.  I’ve done things I regret; hurt people I’ve loved and even people I didn’t.  What if my soul is not as good as I hope?”

Barbatos gives a soft scoff of amusement, his brows pinching up in the center as he stares at you in wry amusement.  “My dear, the very idea that your soul is anything but good is quite literally an impossibility.”

Your tension loosens slightly. “How do you know?”

The corner of one side of his mouth quirks up slightly. “Well, to start, I am a demon. And as one of the oldest demons, I have devoured countless souls across my lifetime.  If anyone is to be an expert on the quality of a soul it would be me.”

Something about the way he talks so simply about his violence, combined with his intimate kindness, makes you feel lightheaded.

It takes an extra heartbeat for you to find enough air in your lungs to speak.  “And, uh...what does a demon such as yourself consider high quality?”

Barbatos stares distantly, and for a moment he feels ancient.  When he speaks, his voice seems almost otherworldly, holding a resonance to it that wasn’t there before.  “It varies from demon to demon.  Some enjoy the flavor of corruption upon a soul, some prefer the sweet, crisp freshness of innocence and purity... but all human souls possess something that ours lack, something that makes us crave.  We’re drawn to it, in the way your human realm plants are drawn to sunlight.” He pauses and shakes his head.  “No, perhaps that analogy is too mild.  It is more how the Devildom’s Succubus’s Kiss lures its victims into its choking vines with the sweet promise of fruit.”

You swallow for a moment, your throat suddenly dry as you stare at your now empty palms where your longing for him sits abandoned.

“You make it sound as if humans are the dangerous ones,” you chide.

A half-hearted attempt at a joke, but Barbatos chuckles nonetheless.

“Yes; perhaps you are.”

You can’t tell in this moment if he’s referring to ‘you’ as in humanity, or ‘you’ as in something far more personal.  It only makes the curiosity sharper, honed on the whetstone of your pining.

“And my soul...” you continue, “what do you sense, Barbatos?”

Dread immediately follows your bold and vulnerable question, fearing what he must inevitably see in you.  Is Barbatos the type to enjoy the flavor of corruption, to find value in broken things?  Or is he more of a purist, always a keen eye for perfection?  You fear you already know the answer as you take in his crisp RAD uniform, his perfectly smooth features.  Your gaze falls downward, an attempt to hide what you’re sure he already knows.

One heartbeat, two.  Then your chin is being tilted up by his thumb and forefinger until your eyes are forced to meet his.  There’s a hint of luminescence in them, the green noticeable now where it wasn’t before, pushing against the dark monotone of night that previously washed his irises in near-black. His eyes are searching, seeking, finding, and you can feel the magic, the power that unravels every defense, every barrier.  Finally, his gaze settles, the green quiets to a deep, sleeping forest of pine in winter.  It’s peaceful; soothing.

If Barbatos’s earlier release of your arm was to provide distance from the growing intimacy between you, then the attempt was in vain.  Because now the affection in his gaze is unmistakable, the deep shadowy green cradling you the way his fingers cradle your chin. It weakens you, makes you feel like putty in his touch.

“You glow,” Barbatos whispers, “like sunlight trapped in ripples. It’s blinding, and yet so beautiful I find it impossible to look away.  I can feel it in you, emanating like heat from a hearth, and it makes me long for a home I’ve never had.”

The hum of his voice makes you shiver, goosebumps forming across your skin.  The adoration in his eyes falters briefly, the lingering green fading to black, giving way to a dark, ancient sorrow.

“I think,” he continues, “it’s a glimpse of what heaven must feel like.  A small piece of divinity passed down to you from your ancestor.”

His fingers release your chin, but the vulnerability remains, if not slightly muted due to the distance imposed by the lack of physical contact.

“I am different from Lucifer and his brothers in that I was never an angel.  I came into existence exactly as I am, and as such I’ve never known divinity.  And yet... despite never knowing it, there is still a strange... hunger for it.  It is a peculiar thing to miss something you’ve never known.”

“You... long for Heaven?” you ask him.

Barbatos tilts his head thoughtfully, his gaze absent somewhere past your shoulder. “Not so much Heaven the place. It’s more so the purity, the grace, to feel that sense of wholeness that the divine offers. It’s why we are drawn to human souls.  Angels, you see, are far too potent. Too much divinity hurts a demon; it can even kill them.  But you... you humans have just enough of both worlds within you to allow us a taste.  It can be rather addictive, especially for younger demons who have not yet had enough millennia to control their hunger.”

His pupils dilate in the dark as he refocuses his gaze.  His eyes meet yours and linger for a moment before slowly drawing down to your parted lips.  “You are a rare case indeed.  More potent in your divinity than the average human, but not enough to hurt.”

You quirk a smile at him.  “Barbatos, are you saying I’m irresistible?”

It is a joke, one you feel comfortable making because of its ridiculousness.  But then he gives you a smile you’ve never seen before that makes your stomach drop and your body awash with heat.  There’s a directness in it, a challenge presented in a wry upward turn of the lips and the glint of teeth in the faint starlight.

“Perhaps,” he says.

You try to brush him off with a scoff and break eye contact, feigning interest in the shape of the black leaves that arch over the both of you in the darkness.

“Now you’re just teasing me,” you mutter.

“Oh? You don’t believe me,” he comments. “Perhaps there is more I can do to convince you then.”

Your heartbeat falters, tripped by hope, and you keep your eyes above and around lest you combust right in front of him. 

“Convince me?” you question.

You’re attempting to feign indifference, to protect yourself from the inevitable rejection you know is coming, because surely he’s not... he doesn’t mean.... he wouldn’t... that look in his eyes earlier... affection yes, but that can mean anything...

Barbatos takes your chin in his fingers and pulls gently until you have nowhere else to look but directly at him. Your breath catches in your throat as you stare at him, into him.  There’s a flicker there, a glow of swirling green, like nebulae trapped within his vastness.

“Indeed,” he whispers, the warmth of his breath upon your parted lips.  You realize he’s closer than you anticipated, closer than ever before.

 Your lightheadedness is returning, and your genuinely afraid you’ll faint, so you force yourself to keep speaking.

“What kind of convincing?” you ask.

He smiles that smile again, the one that turns your insides molten.  “The kind that doesn’t require words, since you seem to doubt them so fervently.” 

His thumb draws gently across your lower lip, his half-lidded gaze transfixed.  “Would you like to be convinced?” he mutters.

You swallow and answer honestly. 

“Yes.”

Barbatos’s eyes return to yours and his lips curl into a soft, genuine smile.  He closes what’s left of the distance, his warm lips capturing yours as his fingers release your chin in favor of gently cupping your jawline.

You close your eyes and reciprocate, your hand resting against his chest.

It’s gentle, soft, and for all of his heavy flirting just a moment ago, it is as unassuming as when he’d first held your hand.  It washes away the last dredges of worry, calms the ever-present unease that always lingers.  The clouds of your mind finally part, even if just for this moment, and for the first time in a long while, you feel feather-light as a peaceful warmth spreads from head to toe to the tips of your fingers.

When your lips part, Barbatos keeps his hand on your cheek and plants a gentle peck to your forehead.

“Now, believe me when I say you are beautiful.  Believe me when I say that you are good.  And most importantly, believe me when I say that I am always here for you.”

Your choked by emotion, your eyes once again burning, but this time for a different reason entirely.

“Even when I’m being sad and pathetic?” you ask, your voice cracking slightly.

Barbatos  puts his forehead against yours as his lips curve into a tender smile.

“Especially then.”

[hauntedhouseghost]

Misogyny in Shifting Criticism

If you’ve heard about “Reality Shifting” but (like me) aren’t yourself involved in the community, it’s probably been presented to you as a TikTok trend amongst teenage girls obsessed with Harry Potter that emerged in response to the COVID-19 lockdown in 2020. The most generous critics have framed it as an online game of pretend amongst bored quarantined teenagers; the harshest have sounded the alarm that reality shifting is a psychosis. This alarmist reaction to a trend amongst teenage girls exploring their sexuality through such a benign thing as fantasizing about Draco Malfoy was suspicious. I thought they were wrong, but I didn’t know enough about Shifting to know for sure. 

Social media in general seems to have become increasingly conservative since 2020. I see Dark Academia and Cottagecore as connected to today’s BookTok and Trad Wife (through shared aesthetics and hobbies), both of which have been criticized as anti-feminist and anti-intellectual. I wanted to see if Shifting would fit into that pattern and have a more conservative 2024 offshoot. After learning more about Shifting, I have found that:

As expected, shifting criticism is almost always laced with misogyny

It doesn’t have a conservative offshoot, but it is ideologically connected to New Ageism and the “conspirituality” wave that has swelled since COVID first hit. 

Misogyny in Discussions of Shifting

People always shit on whatever teenage girls are into, and this is just another example of that. The mindset that teenage girls are vapid/gross/stupid/etc has misinterpreted Shifting as a solo endeavor, a TikTok trend, and a mental illness. Here’s why they’re wrong:

Even though people might practice Shifting alone, it’s still a very communal practice. As researcher Sarah Perez writes:

“...to call reality shifting ‘solitary’ misses the continuous exchange of stories, tips, motivational messages and more…—making the practice highly social” (“Through the Looking Glass” 298).

Connecting to the above: “shifter” refers to anyone who believes in and practices shifting, not just people who have themselves shifted. Researcher Sara A. Kumar found that only 78.7% of self-identified shifters have experienced a successful shift (“Through the Looking Glass,” 299). 

While shifting does involve seeing/hearing/smelling/feeling/etc things that others cannot, those experiences only happen when a person intends them to. In psychotic disorders, people cannot control their engagement with/break from reality. 

Lots of religions have developed within fandoms online. Others have focused on Jedis, the Matrix, or The Lord of the Rings. What sets shifting apart is its association with young women. Interestingly, another fandom religion that got mocked a lot is SnapeWives. Also, Snape is probably appealing for very similar reasons as Draco—both are quite tortured and feminine-coded—but that's a separate tangent.

I was looking at YouTube shifting criticism and found this gem:

What's fascinating is that this guy's whole account is dedicated to videos about lucid dreaming!!! In this video, he calls [air quotes] “reality shifters” "weird," "insane," and "fucking annoying" and says “Reality shifting is just bullshit, it’s just a dream" (1:30-34). He characterizes shifters as all wanting to go to Hogwarts and “fuck Draco Malfoy” (at 1:15-17). The top comment reads: “Reality shifting is the astrology of lucid dreaming.” Astrology is another New Age spiritualist belief that is generally disparaged by outsiders and is also associated with young women. However, as a wise person once Twote:

With shifting, could we say that lucid dreaming is the version of “reality shifting” that is acceptable to men?

6. Another video I found is called “'Reality Shifting': How the Tiktok Teens are Giving Themselves Psychosis” (by Nicholas Black). In this, the YouTuber says (at 2:04-16) “It was a TikTok on Reels with a teenage girl claiming that she shifted realities so she could become Draco’s girlfriend.” He then shows a video along those lines, and afterwards says “You can imagine I was concerned.” Other videos on his page are titled in similarly misogynistic and panicky ways:

“Are Booktok girlies “corn” addicts?”

“Instagram won’t stop recommending me Tradwife Reels”

“When TikTok users get ahold of words they don’t understand”. The example of such a word given in the thumbnail is “Male Gaze,” which is connected by an arrow to the winking eye of a stock image white man. Beside this is the text: “Please actually read Laura Mulvey’s theory. I’m begging you.”

All of these position him as superior to whoever his video focuses on, and he seems to focus on women/women's sub-cultures a lot.

New Age & Philosophical Roots

Western philosophy focuses on skepticism, as in Descartes’s “I think, therefore I am.” This idea that our perception of reality is uncertain underlies conspiracy thinking (ex: QAnon), vaccine denialism, and reality shifting.

Authors Beres, Remski, and Walker coined the term "conspirituality" to refer to the combo of conspiracy thinking and New Age spirituality (think: QAnon believers who rely on healing crystals to protect themselves from COVID and psychic vampires or whatever). They define the central tenets of conspirituality as:

Nothing happens by accident

Nothing is as it seems

Everything is connected

In “Granola Fascism” (ContraPoints, at 37:51-38:06) she says, “New Age and conspiracy thinking share a hunger for meaning. They feel that all of reality should be comprehensible to the intuition of any individual human mind. This is a way of seeing that is epistemically empowering.” These emotional needs that drive people to conspiracy theorizing also drive young people to ShiftTok (and shifting content elsewhere). Of course, there are other appeals of ShiftTok - creative expression, escapism, community. Those and its main demographic are what distinguish ShiftTok, but at its core is still this search for narrative meaning and agency.

How psychologically different really are shifting and ideas about the “deep state”? What differentiates them is their emotional ~flavor~. QAnon believers of a secret deep state cabal of pedophiles craft a reality around soothing fear. Shifting can craft realities around soothing depression and hopelessness. They are both removals from, not engagements in, reality. Some shifters’ Desired Reality is just like this one, but without climate change, or just like this one, but with their family unaffected by depression. In response to the question “Why do people come back to their cr?” one Redditor said this:

Conclusion!!!

Shifting is actually super interesting!

Fandoms generate actual religions/spiritual practices that aren't any less plausible than older, established religions

Teenage girls can't do anything without people pathologizing it or acting like it's freakish and bad

[libraryraccoon]

The Demon Of Cancellations : A Contract Canceled For Husk

P1 -> P2 <- P3

TW : English isn't my first language, bad english.

Gender of the Reader : Male/GN

Pronouns used : He/They

Husk didn’t believe that a demon, that isn’t an Overlord, can cancel contracts. And, if they can, he didn’t believe they can cancel contracts made by Overlords.

But, when Angel Dust, from all, come at the hotel, happy, and said that The Demon Of Cancellations cancelled his contract with Valentino ?

Yeah. He start to believe that a demon can do that.

Alastor seemed intrigued by the news, probably wondering if the demon could cancel the contract he (Alastor) had made.

But Husk didn’t give him too much attention.

Husk asked for the address of The Demon Of Cancellations before flying to the building.

Yes, flying. He used his wings for a total of five minutes of flying, entering through the demon's window.

It was hard to tell if the demon was shocked or not, a black blindfold covering their eyes. They were as Angel Dust had described them, h/l h/c, black blindfold covering their eyes, dark academia style, a trench coat,... The demon he was looking for !

“You’re The Demon Of Cancellations.” It wasn’t a question. “I need you to cancel a contract I have made years ago with Alastor.”

They had no reaction, seeming, in a way, to expect it.

“Take a sit. Tell me your name, and what have you give to Alastor.” Said the demon, professionally.

Husk take the sit in front of the desk, looking in their black blindfold. “Husker. My soul.”

Husk didn’t care how he act, he just want that double hell that is the contract with Alastor to end. He want to be free.

“That will cost 350$.” Said The Demon Of Cancellations, making appeared his contract before making it disappear, cancelling it.

Husk could feel it, feel his soul being free again after all that years. It feels like a dream, but that wasn’t one. That was the reality. An happy reality, where he is free.

“Finally.. I’m free..” was all Husk could said.

He didn’t know what to do, where to go, now that he’s free.

So he give the 350$ to the demon before leaving, going to the hotel, the only place he had.

_____________

It wasn’t a surprise that Husk act like that.

Y/N have heard some things about him, about him being a calm barman.. And he know how calm people who are stuck for a long-time act when they can be free, and how they act after.

Someone will do all for liberty, even if that mean changing to someone themselves don’t recognized.

Husk was one of them.

Y/N can easily said how this story will continue.

All Y/N had done for him, was starting his story. The best thing he could ever done.

___________

One week after his contract was cancelled, Husk was more smiling.

And by that, I mean that he change his depressed and jaded barman to a free, calm and happy barman. He wasn’t always happy, yeah, but sometimes he is ! It’s a good evolution !

Charlie was happy for his friend, being free and all.

“Hey Vaggie, do you think I should go see that Demon Of Cancellations ?” ask Charlie to her girlfriend.

“No, why ?” ask Vaggie confused.

“Well, they help two of us friends, so maybe we could thanks them for that.” Explained Charlie. “Especially that they cancelled their contracts ! Somethings I never thought possible before !”

The Demon Of Cancellations was the first demon in history that can cancel all contracts, even those that aren’t their.

“Well, we can always meet them if you want.” Said the ex-angel.

What they didn’t know, was that a demon of the radio was listening them behind the door.

________________

The Part 3 will be the end of that little "series". I don't know how to write Husk tbh. Like a lot of Hazbin Hotel.

[pbstarot]

𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐓𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 - 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞-𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐬. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞-𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐧𝐞𝐫

Hello and welcome to a PAC I promised for Brazilian Valentine's Day and then didn't deliver. Welp, here I am now! This is entirely based on @vantaesfairie's PAC, which is here. I divided this PAC in two sections, one longer than the other, because the first is about the dream partner and the second is about the real one. It was funny: While writing the dream one I only got a few things, but when I got to the real person, I started getting all sorts of different details and etc, which makes me think that it was, obviously, because now I was talking about a living, breathing person. Also, if you felt dragged by the first part of this reading, don't worry. I got dragged as well. It's life. I also chose Tom and Summer for obvious reasons.

Also, this PAC is cursed :) It didn't want to be posted, so I hope it at least brings someone joy. Disclaimer: Tarot does not replace any sort of advice from a trusted professional that went to college for 8+ years to be there. It also does not always get things right. The future changes all the time and a responsible tarot reader can only assure 80% of their readings will be correct at any given point in time. Remember to take what you look at and go “huh, that could be me,” and leave the rest. Be conscious about your tarot content consumption and drink lotsa agua, amigo(a)(x).

Pile 1

Signifiers for you to know if this is your pile: You might be very emotional. You could be into photography (and have a blog dedicated to it). You could also be into plays. You might like or have a more dark-academia inspired aesthetic. You might have been born in Spring or like flowers. You could be heterossexual. You could have a (repressed or not) fear of commitment, or have been non-committal before. You could have a hourglass body. You could be considered tall. Horror could be your favorite genre. You could like to wear the color black, or have black as your favorite color. You might hear the sound of car horns all the time. You could be of mixed race. You could have been born in the month of December, July or May. You could be a Capricorn, Virgo or Sagittarius (or have those in any position in your chart). You could like the sound of rain or rainy weather in general.

Cards: Magician, Five of Swords, Six of Swords, Eight of Wands, Wheel of Fortune rx, Nine of Cups rx, Hierophant, Emperor.

Your Idealized Life-Partner:

Pile 1, your idealized life partner seems to be someone who can accomplish anything. They might even be rich, a CEO, or just someone who has an entrepreneurial feel to them. Definitely someone who is a bit of a daredevil. In your head, they are charismatic, have a good smile, a good career and a good life. They might like to transit through expensive restaurants, have an expensive taste and an expensive wardrobe. This is someone who definitely wears things who scream luxury, who people know are powerful in some way or another. With the Five of Swords, you might also want someone cutthroat, confident, who is not afraid to leave bad situations behind. Your idealized partner is a person who oozes what some call "masculine energy," someone who is not afraid to demonstrate they are in charge.

With the Six of Swords, they also need to be someone who went through a lot in life. Someone who's brooding a lot, a Bruce Wayne kind of vibe. Tortured, sad, someone who understands how hard life can be. This is also someone who is good with taking people out of this situation, who can care for you, who can give you strength, and who can take you from point A to point B emotionally (and, for some, sexually too). With the Eight of Wands, this person also must be someone who can let things go easily. I keep envisioning a person with an acoustic guitar, at the beach, with an easy smile on their face.

You might also not want someone who is fleeting, with the Wheel reversed. Your idealized partner is not someone who changes their mind, their moods or their body. Someone who stays the same, someone solid, someone fixed. You want someone with both feet on the ground. This also segues nicely into the Nine of Cups reversed, someone who doesn't drink maybe, or someone who doesn't like to party, doesn't like to go out, doesn't like to have a good time with friends, and who prefers to stay at home with you, themselves or a dog. You might also want someone who is confident, but keeps this confidence in until it's needed. Someone who's charismatic, but introverted, who doesn't lure people in. Someone who likes to go out, but to the beach or easy going places, like a restaurant, a cafe, a museum, or places like that.

With the Hierophant, they either need to be very traditional when it comes to religion (which might be important to some of you) or traditionally masculine, take the male role seriously (a husband and father, strictly). They need to be able to dominate, to possess, in a lot of different ways, to mark their territory somehow. People need to look at them and you and know they "own" you somehow. Someone you can bow to in a way, someone you can respect. They have their hand on the small of your back at all times and back off if you wanna touch my partner (but in a way that doesn't come off as totally possessive and it's actually sort of cool if you think about it, like he's protecting you and all that) (and yes, that was a bit sarcastic, but don't shoot the tarot reader, I have a family and so do you, and you don't wanna go to jail because of me).

With The Emperor, the Hierophant is solidified. Someone who exudes power, but who is a very good emotional support, someone who has their life together, who can support you and a family with their job, who can help others in need if that is necessary. Someone who, again, rules over all. With the Star, your ideal partner might even be someone who's famous, someone who has a je ne sais quoi, someone who's popular, who everyone wants, but only you can get. This is someone that is sort of a trophy partner, who you can show off, but better yet, someone who can show you off, to all of their likewise popular peers. Someone you can show in pictures with, travel, and generally live the high life with.

The Life-Partner You'll End Up With:

Cards: Seven of Pentacles, Lovers, Moon, Two of Pentacles, Ace of Swords rx, Ace of Cups, King of Swords, Six of Cups rx.

The person you'll end up with is someone that I'm seeing is calm on the outside and very anxious on the inside (although they can be very patient, I'll get to that). They give me shy person vibes, one of those people who stay in the corner, who hide their faces with their hands in pictures. Someone who shakes slightly when they drink coffee, who might not be able to take caffeine very well. This is someone who understands that nothing in life comes easy, or free, which is disappointing to them, but expected. They are someone who hates waiting, but who are still willing to do a lot of for the stuff they truly want to have, one of which might be you someday.

They can be, however, someone who just hates to sit around for things to arrive, so if it's not something they truly truly want, they're out of there in a minute. Always on the go to an exaggerated degree. They might have had several partners, several jobs, several different interests, etc. Different from the Wheel reversed, they are the Wheel upright in some cases. Always on the go. All of these ambitions are definitely on the realm of the same, though (so they might have a career goal they want and all their jobs were more or less leading there in some way, for example). Although, for some of you, they change everything often. They might even change their hair, style, mode of speaking, every 3-4 years (likely less for fashion).

With the Lovers, this is your soulmate though, the person you'll truly want to end up with. This is not a game or a joke, this is the one who'll be able to handle you as well as you can handle them. They might not be as solid as you wish they were, or as shiny like the Star, but they are very very interesting in their own regard. They also do have that magnetism that you are looking for, that thing that lures you to them. To some, it might even be a magnetism that lures everyone. This person might have no problem finding partners and their lives always seem to be going up in that regard. They are lucky in love.

With the Moon, this person is mysterious in someway. There's just a lot about them you don't know. They might have nightmares often, have a darker style of clothing, a darker way of expressing themselves... Something about them in general is clouded in shadows. Someone who might have alluring eyes, that when you look into you know that they are hiding something, something interesting about them that you can't wait to find out, but that few (the close ones, mostly) do. They might also look very good in the dark colors I mention and have a preference for the night. A night owl.

With the Two of Pentacles, htis is someone hardworking and who is always juggling things. At first, they might not have the flashiest jobs, but they have lots of them, to make ends meet. Their willingness to always be on the go, their energy is what propels them forward and what makes them create opportunities out of thin air. They are never gonna be out of a job, for example, even "shitty" jobs, because they can always run and get another one. Lucky in love, somewhat lucky in business, too. They also seem to be someone who'll achieve their goals eventually, because they are so ambitious (what those goals are, however, I can't tell, because it's different for everyone). Either way, this is someone very passionate, but very lost. They can also be quite funny, quite sweet. They are more delicate than your ideal partner, more vulnerable. They could have been a punching bag at school, and hold the scars near (which is why they are so shy), but that is for some of you (although I do believe that most people who picked this pile's partners holds some sort of scarring over things that people said or did to them).

With the Ace of Swords reversed, this doesn't seem to be a very logical person. They might be emotionally driven. They could cry or express themselves emotionally in any way very frequently. They give me an artist archetype, or someone who works with people's emotions. They could be a counselor or a psychologist (even through their lack of logic, the goal of picking up this profession here is to help people, to make them understand themselves). With the Ace of Cups here, they like to know that the people around them are well taken care of, that they are happy, and that they, themselves, are happy. That also goes for you, of course. They don't seem to be someone who gives their life to solely to you, because they have a lot of people and things they love. However, their emotional dedication is unmatched. If you have a problem and you ask them to stay home with you, they'll stay, but this communication is important. This is someone who has a lot on their plate, at all times, and they might not be able to see it if you don't let them know.

Now, the King of Swords threw me off, so I took a clarifier and the Chariot came out. The King of Swords seems, to me, the person your life-time partner is becoming. Someone who knows who to give love to, someone who can apply this logic they don't have naturally to things and people. They are growing into a very mature, wisened person. The King of Pentacles being the bottom deck energy also attracted my attention, so throughout the duration of your relationship with them, you are gonna see their energy becoming more fixed, and grounded. They are gonna flourish right before your eyes into a full person (and that doesn't necessarily mean they are very young, people have coming of age stories even in their thirties. I know because I live with a thirty-something year old I call my sister). They might not be the person you bow to, but they are definitely gonna be your equal and someone you are proud to say is your life-partner. In fact, many people, upon hearing you're dating them, might be overjoyed because they are wonderful (and your perfect match in every way). There might even be tears involved, for some. This person might have been through hell with relationships, or you have before you meet them, so it'll be like a glass of cold water in the dessert.

Last, but not least, with the Six of Cups reversed, this might be someone who's not very good with their past. Doesn't like talking about it. They won't conceal it, but they won't dwell on it, like an open wound. You'll need to be more careful with your actual life-partner than you'd have to be with your idealized one. As much as they can and will take care of you in your time of need, you'll have to do the same. You'll put in your weight in this relationship too. They might also not have a good relationship with their family, to some, with friends, to others, with people in general. They could have been quite hurt, again, so thread carefully, because if this person lets you in, you are surely someone they trust and they are a keeper through and through.

Some signifiers for your Life-Partner: Might be into plays. They could like to wear the color black often. They could wear hoodies often as well. Their favorite mythological creature could be the vampire. Their style could be dark-academia. They could like to watch period-dramas or old films in general. The moon came out, so this reinforces what I said about their mysterious nature, but they could also have a connection to the moon in general. They could have been born on the months of September or July. They could have the signs of Sagittarius or Gemini anywhere in their charts, but especially in the 10th or 5th house. Considering these are numbers that came out, you could also meet them in 5 months, 5 years, etc, the same going for 10. Their initials could be P, F or W.

Pile 2

Signifiers for you to know if this is your pile: You could enjoy photography. You could be loyal. You could identify as gay or queer. You could be warm toned and considered a colder person, or vice versa (or even warm toned and considered warm, and again vice versa). You could have a close relationship to the moon. You could have been born in April. You could have been born in Winter or Fall. You could like to wear hats or accessories. You could have piercings. You could have dark, black or red hair. You could be thin. You could be chubby. You could have a medium skin tone. You could have a heart shaped face. You could have Capricorn or Taurus anywhere in your chart, but especially in the 6th or 10th house. These signs can also be retrograde or you could have a retrograde sign on your chart. You initials could be Z, P, K, N, H, W, J or X.

Cards: King of Swords, King of Pentacles, High Priestess, Seven of Cups, Hermit, Blank Card™, Moon, Lovers.

This is someone who gives me wise vibes. Someone who is floating above the ground in a cloud of peace and love (on planet Earth). Someone who is definitely a guru. That's the general gist of what I'm seeing here. Your idealized partner is someone who's smart, who has a sharp smile and a loving aura to them.

With the King of Swords, this might be someone who's good with their words, who's sharp. They are someone intelligent, well-read, even well-travelled. Could speak many languages, could be an avid reader, all of those. They are also someone who is in good possession of their mental faculties, who are able to logically understand many things about life, even if they haven't experienced them empirically. The King of Pentacles beside this card, also showcases you want someone who is grounded, stable, loyal and, to some, older than you. Someone who's established in someway (although maybe not as much as Pile 1's person). The dad from Full House, for example. Has a good job, three kids, is a widower. Perfect. You might have a thing for "dad archetypes" because they embody this stability you are looking for.

With the High Priestess, your idealized partner is also someone who embodies this knowledge of spirituality, who understands the occult or who just understands in general. They could be someone highly intuitive, who can read people well just by looking at them. Someone who doesn't get in trouble often, someone squeaky clean. In your head, you might also want a person who can read you effortlessly, without you having to explain what you want. Someone who, again, understands, and most of all understands you and what you are all about without the vulnerability on your part.

You might also want someone who has many options, with the Seven of Cups, someone who is not just one thing. They could be an artist, but in that middle they're a director, a musician, a painter. Someone who has multiple jobs, multiple interests. Your idealized partner is multi-faceted. An alternative to this interpretation would be someone who has a lot of anxiety (as the Seven of Cups can represent that) and who controls it well, who has a busy life but can balance it perfectly. They should be, in your head, someone who easily gives time to you, kids, dogs, work and hobbies. Someone with their shit together, basically, in all areas of life.

With the Hermit, your idealized partner is also someone who knows themselves well, who has been through a dark night of the soul and came back, who, again, understands. Someone who is alright with spending time by themselves, someone independent. This person might also be cuddly, someone you can sleep next to (which is a message to someone). Still, what this card mostly speaks about is, again, a guru sort of figure, who learned from their own lives and now can help others with this. This card also gives me a lot of peace, a lot of calm. Someone who is a patient parent, partner and figure, who never, not once, loses their calm or needs help themselves (at least not for long).

With the blank card, you want someone who's always surprising you, who you never know completely. Someone who's never dull, even in all of their dullness, who has a rich inner life. With the Moon, it's the same thing. In fact, the High Priestess would also fit here. Someone who is more than they show, and who show this side only to you, because you are the one they trust the most out of everyone else in their life. This is a good segue to the Lovers. Your idealized partner is your soulmate, the one who completes you, who might be like you in every way even. Someone who you know is your soulmate, your twin flame, someone who is your destined one. Someone to whom you can also show these hidden parts of your life and never be judged. Your number one person.

The Life-Partner You'll End Up With:

Cards: Star, Three of Pentacles, Blank Card™, Four of Cups, Three of Swords rx, Six of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, Emperor.

With the Star, the person you'll end up with might be way less calm than you want them to be. Again, I don't like giving these sorts of messages, but to SOME of you they might even have some sort of notoriety somewhere. They are more similar to the person who pile 1 idealized (but not to an extreme extent, just here and there) to the one you idealized. They could be popular, rich, famous, or good with their business. A showy person, an entrepreneur, an orator in anyway. This person could have been valecditorian (if you are American) or top of their class (as much as, for some, they could have been the complete opposite, no in between. This person travels by extremes, because they are known for this). They are good with words, but more to the funny extent. They could weave sentences that are quite unique, for a few of you. For others, they could speak very formally, but if you listen closely, you'll realize their speech is full of double entendres. Definitely just as well read as you'll wish them to be, but with a caveat. They don't necessarily read the self-help, non-fiction books, but everything: Comics, manga, fantasy, drama, horror (big with them), whatever catches their fancy (even cereal boxes). Much more chaotic in their approach to life. They could also be the one everyone wants to be like, the one everyone loves (or hates, again, no in between). They're a wish fulfilment to many.

With the Three of Pentacles they are someone who is always with a large group. Life of the party situation, but also, obviously at work. Amazing at working in a team, and could be the head easily (however, I see that they might not want this often, if at all). They like to talk to people as well, and could be quite extroverted. This is someone everyone has a good word to say about: How funny, how witty, how devilishly smart, how cunning. Someone who understands people, like you wished them to, but for worse. Good at manipulation (although I sense most of you can see right through that), and sometimes doesn't even do it on purpose. They are simply so good with getting others to do what they want, or in convincing others of their opinion, that it doesn't compute that someone would go against them without this person being able to sway them. They can make their friends laugh, but perhaps not a room, so maybe they have a weird or wacky sense of humor. Still, they are charming, and good enough that, one on one, everyone ends up falling for them a little bit.

They are also someone who, again, prefers to be part of the team, and they are quite good with their hands. They have many things they are good at, actually, but they aren't proficient in all. It's interesting, cause I feel like everything you wished for, you're sort of getting, but slightly to the left than what you truly envisioned (chaotic, definitely), sort of like the Universe's personal "prank" on you. This person is here to teach you how to let loose. They are more immature than the dad archetype you wanted and someone who might not be interested in ever being like that, ever (although they can be stable in their own way).

With the Blank Card this is a person who always has something up their sleeve, who is always coming up with a new idea, a new way of seeing life. They're way more exciting than dull. All over the place would be a good way to describe it. They are definitely not someone who you can predict very often, and you might be horrified by that, cause you might not enjoy uncontrolled surprises. They love it, though, the look on your face when they come up with something that can be ghastly, or insane. Like a streamer I watch told his girlfriend that (I don't exactly remember what it was, so I'll replace it) he wants to build the biggest straw horse in the world, and that he wants to save money for that, so he can get into the guinness world records book (or something to this effect). His girlfriend (now fiancé) was annoyed and said that he needed to spend his money on things that make sense. He told her that this wasn't hurting anyone and that it was something that made sense. The conversation ended with them agreeing that they need to support each other's dreams, and that includes her support of his stupid dream of building the biggest straw horse in the world (very reasonable and true). I feel like this is something that's valid for this pile too, except that this person will ACTUALLY build the damned straw horse and you'll have to give it to them, it looks pretty sick actually (not to say that the streamer I watch won't achieve his dream, I believe you Spiff, even if I don't remember what the dream is exactly).

With the Four of Cups, this person might get tunnel vision quite easily. Like I said, if this person has a goal, however stupid (straw horse stupid), they'll achieve it, and they might become obsessed with it. They could overlook opportunities, and their life, in pursuit of what they truly want. However, I'm also sensing that this person could be swayed by pleasures quite easily, or get lazy if they aren't "hyperfixating" on this (or not interested enough). A toddler's attention spam. They could also fall into depression or anxiety and just see that, no way out---buuuut I believe they have somehwat of a sunny disposition, with the next card, so I won't affirm this with too much security (for some, though, yes). They could also become obsessed with people easily and think that everyone's the one, when they are not (relatable stuff). Very romantic, very confident in themselves (in this regard and the achieving things regard) to an extreme (but not dangerous, just endearing) extent.

With the Three of Swords reversed this person definitely had a lot on their plate, BUT they definitely hide it away to keep their sunny disposition. I don't think it's necessarily a secret, you know, everyone knows their story, their traumas and etc, but they talk about it and then move on to more fun themes. They live on in spite of all of this, in spite of the past hurts, and, to some, even alongside them. They are a part of this person through and through, but not their driving force. They are at peace with the pain of life, and the pain that will come, and this will never prevent them from doing anything. Feel the fear and do it anyway. The Self-Respect essay that Joan Didion wrote for vogue (it's been a while since I mentioned Didion here, and it's the same essay I used as the basis of my Didion inspired PAC): "Like Jordan Baker, people with self-respect have the courage of their mistakes. They know the price of things. If they choose to commit adultery, they do not then go running, in an access of bad conscience, to receive absolution from the wronged parties; nor do they complain unduly of the unfairness, the undeserved embarrassment, of being named corespondent. If they choose to forego their work—say it is screenwriting—in favor of sitting around the Algonquin bar, they do not then wonder bitterly why the Hacketts, and not they, did Anne Frank. [...] They are willing to invest something of themselves; they may not play at all, but when they do play, they know the odds." They understand themselves perfectly.

With the Six of Pentacles, this person is wary of other people who want things from them. The truth is that people have ripped them to shreds and they have helped every single one, only to then be left with nothing. People did not care about them one bit. The pockets were full of holes and they had no idea that they would never be satisfied. So, they might not give easily, but when they do, they do it generously. They might make large donations to charity (if they have the money), help the homeless, volunteer in several places, and the best of all is that you're not gonna know any of it until you are either together or you bump into them doing these charity runs. To them, it's something everyone should do, and not necessarily something to brag about. Very lowkey about how much they actually help others (if they believe these others are worthy of it, and are not gonna just take, take and take).

With the Queen of Swords, their mode of thinking is a little softer, like a mother who points out the flaws in logic in an argument with their children. Someone who doesn't run over people with their own ideas often (although they do give their opinion quite boisterously) and who understands that there is a certain arrogance to just affirming things without giving space for it all to end up being a lie. They also know that others have their own way of seeing life and fluctuate between respectful and genuinely interested in knowing why others think the way they do, and what makes them so different from them. They are a truly unique person in this regard, this want to understand and not merely judge. They are not here to judge, in fact, if at all. Sure, they are a person who has flaws, many of them, and they will eventually make a comment or have a less than pleasant attitude, but overall they hope people can have the same attitude as them about the whole thing and understand that they are merely a person (which is not as common as they may wish it was).

Last, but certainly not least, we got the Emperor. This is the confident, boisterous, strong. I don't really think this person wants to be the man of the house per se, or the boss, but they are definitely a father figure (although not the soft dad archetype, more the fun, daring dad archetype, the one people have crazy stories about like "My dad brought several stray animals home and one time he adopted a spider" or "one time my dad fought a bear while drunk" or "my dad tried to set his school on fire in the fourth grade" (actual story from one of my family members, didn't say which, and the fire didn't take). Things like that). They are ready to set the rule if it needs be and they'll be wonderful at disciplining children (and then taking them out to ice cream or an amusement park, when they're being good or when they understood the lesson). They can be stricter than you believe they are, although they're just as chaotic and free. All in good measure, a balance of sorts. Once you are married, you'll see how quickly he'll like to organize things, put everything in its proper place, so it is all divided equally: Money, chores, etc. They like to co-rule the place though, so they need someone who's just as strong by their side. Someone who'll listen to them and understand, someone who'll agree with their order of things. All in all, a stronger leader than you believe them to be, which will be very welcome, especially if you are someone who can't organize things as well. They'll make sure all is taken care of.

Some signifiers for your Life-Partner: They could be bissexual. They could like the color orange or wear it a lot. Their favorite mythological creature could be the vampire OR they've been compared to vampires a lot. They could have no pets or own a dog. They could be somewhat famous. They could have PTSD or, likely, complex PTSD. They could be white or like the color white. Alternatively, they could have darker skin. Their body type could be mesomorph. They could have a skater boy/girl style or a dark academia one. They could be considered tall. They could have been born on the month of November. They could have Cancer anywhere in their chart, but especially in the 11th or 9th (and also I keep hearing that one of their family members might have had this disease or even died of it. They could also like the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance). They could also have a retrograde sign there. Their initials could be S or T.

Pile 3

Signifiers for you to know if this is your pile: You might be in your 30s. You could have an inverted triangle body. You couuld be curvy. Your style could be emo or leaning towards that. You could be quite loyal. You could have been born in the months of June or May. You could like sunlight a lot, or simply see it a lot. You might like to watch a lot of documentaries. Your favorite animals could be spiders, foxes or snakes, or you embody qualities of those animals (you might also see them often). You could be a dominant Venus or Saturn. You could have Taurus and Sagittarius anywhere in your charts, but especially in the 12th, 8th or 7th. You could be a water dominant. You could have the master number 44 somewhere in your numerology, or this number is quite important. Your initials could be F, H, L V, Y and T.

Cards: King of Wands, Eight of Swords, Nine of Wands, Five of Cups, Sun, Queen of Pentacels, Ace of Pentacles rx, Strength.

Your Idealized Life-Partner:

With the King of Wands, your idealized life partner might be the Christian Grey archetype. They are confident, they take no shit, they are the possessive man, the passionate, fiery guy. Similar to pile 1, but not quite. This has more of a juvenile vibe, a bad-boy kind of thing. Someone who likes to have fun, to go out, to take you for a spin in their car. Someone who'll make you feel like you are in heaven in every way, who'll reform only for you baby, you are the person who's gonna tame the beast. They are also, obviously, a King, and not a Knight, so you might want them to be older, to be bigger in every way.

With the Eight of Swords, I am trying to keep it PG, but this also reminds me of Christian Grey. This is what you want them to do to you. This pile is quite horny. I feel like your idealized partner is the one who's gonna give you a great time altogether, but who's more passionate than traditionally romantic. With the Nine of Wands beside the Eight, though, I believe you also want them to take care of your bruises after you're done, to soothe you. They might also, in your head, be someone who has been bruised before, but who can hold his own in a fight. Someone who stands tall for what he believes in, and who can embody a more macho archetype. Masculine energy, like pile 1, again, regardless of gender.

With the Five of Cups, you want someone who understands the pain of life and with the Sun, someone who rises above it completely. Someone who likes to dance in spite of the rain, who'll always be happy go lucky. They're never sad and they're always available to give you some form of contentment, be it an adventure or sex. They might also cook and make you a big breakfast when you're down, or sing and be able to serenade you. The stereotype that comes to mind is the latino one. The fiery man with a big heart, big passionate feelings, who always knows how to conquer their person, to seduce them, etc.

With the Queen of Pentacles, your ideal partner, again, knows how to keep their house clean and in order. They're more of a house-partner to you, so you might want a traditional relationship (in the sense that someone stays in and someone goes to work, but you're not the one staying in, etc). You might also want someone softly grounded, who lays down the rule but doesn't boss you around (outside of you-know-where), so strong, but soft when they have to be. They could also be good with finances, with kids, everything. Kind of guy to wear an apron and to make you dinner when you're to tired to cook.

With the Ace of Pentacles reversed, I took the Queen of Swords clarifier. Again, a queen, so someone who has a balanced feminine/masculine energy could be your idealized partner. Yes confident, yes they take no shit, except for your shit, that they always take because they love and respect you. With these two cards, I sense you want someone who knows what to do when you are both down on your luck, who can get out of financial hurdles scat free. Someone who understands the world and who is able to make money easily, in spite of it all.

With the Strength card, your ideal partner is, again, strong, but in all facets of life. A source of extreme sunlight, capable of burning eyes, always there to protect your honor, but also perfectly able to take it when you are not in the mood for it. Someone who's never going to go against you that much, who'll always be tamed by you, like I said before. In short, someone who'll leave you perfectly free to do whatever, but who'll be there when you need an adventure or two.

The Life-Partner You'll End Up With:

Cards: Lovers, Sun, Queen of Pentacles, Ten of Swords, Eight of Pentacles rx, World, Six of Wands, Judgement.

Like Pile 1, you're gonna end up with your soulmate. Yay! I feel like all piles will end up with one form of soulmate or another, but this was so prominent that the Lovers came out. I usually don't read the Lovers as soulmate often, because I read it as a choice between two things, considering that during all of my years of practice this is the interpretation that ended up being right maybe 98% of the time. That being said, in this reading I think it means both and then some. Your person is definitely someone who gives love, who is good with other people and who people fall in love with often. That being said, they might also be quite good at making decisions and are not afraid of deciding between two lovers with a frightening speed. If they are with someone and they meet you, and you're better for them, they'll break up with the person they're with, easy as that. There's no questioning it with this person, very decisive.

With the Sun, you will get a sunny person, someone that gives a lot of light, a lot of love, just like you want it. They're always there when you need them with a hug, a joke, but not sure with a home-cooked meal (we'll see though). Either way, whatever you need, they'll bring. I don't think this person is drama free at all, I believe they have their fair share, because they could be quite passionate (with the force of the Sun, other things come along), but the sunny disposition outweighs most of the things that have going against them. Some people might not like how sunny this person is, though, because it's to a fault. They could be someone who seems not to take serious things all that seriously, even when it's important. That being said, I'm seeing that for most of you this person does know how to separate things, it's just that people think they're faking it. They can't be that happy ALL the time, it's psychologically improbable. And true, your life-partner might be lying here and there not to burden other people. More on that later.

With the Queen of Pentacles, I see they like to stay at home, definitely. I don't see they are a homemaker, though. I'm sure they know their way around a stove, and how to prepare a meal, but they don't have this love for it that you wish your future life-partner had, I don't think. Those of you who didn't want that will be happy to know that this person was well raised and knows how to hold their own. Don't expect them to pay attention to all chores though, because I see they can be a little forgetful. If you put down a chore division and routine, they might bitch and moan quite a lot. Lazy is what I'm seeing here, but not enough that they'll go against you, so they will do everything you say because they know it's important (they just hate it). They also like comforts, such as pretty expensive clothes, food, travelling, etc, all that the material Earth has to offer (this is the Queen of Pentacles after all). They are very sensual (in the five senses sort of way), and like the good stuff in life. Whether or not they can afford it, it varies.

With the Ten of Swords, here's what your person is hiding. People might pick up on it and that's why they think your spouse is faking their sunny disposition. The Ten of Swords here tells me of hardships past. We all got them, especially in this day and age, but this person hides them behind lock and key. I mean it, you'll NEVER hear about it, and if you do, consider yourself VERY LUCKY. You might hear rumors here and there, or a family member will say something, but this person might be on the toxic positivity side because they'll never come out and say it themselves. Sure, as your relationship progresses, they might finally say "Oh, shitty thing happened to me when I was like fourteen or something," but it'll always be in a joking tone, or as a comment to something you said. I feel like they wanna tell, they wanna say something, but they can't. They just can't do to others what was done to them. Maybe people threw their pain and burdens on them quite a lot in the past, and they simply don't wanna be that person, so they won't be. This is to an unhealthy degree? Perhaps, but I am seeing that they've been doing this for so long that they have mastered hiding their problems and solving them on their own. I think with a lot of talk and a lot of patience and a LOT of reassurance you might be able to coax a LITTLE bit out of them, but for the majority? No. Not really. You might die without knowing everything that went down with this person, and that's ok. In a way, they are protecting you as well. That also varies from person to person.

With the Eight of Pentacles reversed, again, this person might be quite lazy. Alternatively, they might not have had to work hard for everything they have in life. This is giving me rich child vibes, or someone who inherited a business (not necessarily a company, guys, this is not a Wattpad fanfic) and works on that now. They don't have to work hard, so they can just lay around, chill, do stuff they wanna do. This person might have a LOT of hobbies. They are more of a do rather than talk person, so they might go out and seize the world often. So, lazy at home, and when they're on the street, they like adrenaline. They like amusement parks, bungee jumping, jumping out of a plane with a parachute, things like that. Because they don't have to worry about work, either because they have people working for them, or because they never had to look for a job (or a secret third option: They made it big when they were younger through their hardwork and then never had to work again in their life) they indulge in the pleasures life has to offer. It's not all play and no work, though, so when there's something happening, they'll go and solve it. They just hate doing it. Life, to this person, should be all about being alive and not necessarily slaving away in an office. They wish the world was a better place, a perfect place. Still, it is not.

With the World, there's two ways of reading this card. One, this person has everything, like I said, and doesn't need much more in life other than perhaps a life-time partner, kids, the whole family thing etc (if they even want all that, because I'm sensing that, for some of you, maybe not). The second way is that this person likes to be worshipped somehow. They like the idea that you think they're so attractive and they might go out of their way to make themselves so, with you front and center in their minds. They want you to think they are the most beautiful person you have ever seen in your life, so they'll keep themselves well groomed, clean, well dressed and smelling good. Some of your persons like the idea of being a trophy partner. Others simply like when you look at them with loving eyes. They can get quite shy when you compliment them, though, even if this was the eventual goal of it all. I also sense that this person brings the feeling of the World with them wherever they go. People know they have everything. They operate with some form of peace that is palpable.

The Six of Wands also speaks of this. Whatever it is that this person wanted in life, they either already got or will get soon, by the time you meet them. They have the success story, although I'm not sure they go around telling everyone. They might believe that the less people know, the better. That way, they can't come and disrupt your happiness. Again, there's a story there, but your person is not gonna tell. They also love to help people get to the level they are at now and might invest in small businesses, or help their friends and loved ones with anything they can, without expecting things in return. They give because they have it. People around them might love them, might not believe they are real because they are so happy, generous and kind all the time. This is a person who has a great appreciation for life and all that it has to offer.

Last, but not least, with the Judgement card there are two ways of reading this card: One, your person has been quite judgy. Two, your person has been quite judged. To some, it's both. They were that person who got pretty bullied and then bullied other people, or the ones that bullied them, just as visciously. They became quite hateful, resentful, and started to lay it pretty heavily on people who didn't deserve it. They hate this part of them so much, and they still do it sometimes, subconsciously. Like "Look at that girl's hair" or "That person's just faking a style for attention" or "God, that accent sucks" things like that. To others, these are things that have been said about them, and though they harbored a hatred of these people they decided not to become like them (although a little bit of it has lingered, and they still have judgy thoughts in their heads). No way around it, this person judges a little bit, but less and less as the years go by. They might also believe in divine judgement, and that they have been or will be punished accordingly someday. That goes for all the people who put them, and others, through unnecessary pain and misery. Your person can be quite fixated on the idea of revenge, not to a violent degree, but a karmic one. They might even like distributing karma themselves (as I said, they could have bullied the bullies) and has no fear of showing their pleasure when an asshole has been punished accordingly. It is what they deserve after all.

Some signifiers for your Life-Partner: They could have a punk or punkish style. They could have dyed hair. Their hair could be red. They could wear glasses. They could have down-turned eyes. They could identify as queer. They could play an instrument. They could like the color purple a lot, especially dark purple. They could be neurodivergent (which is a vibe I got when I read they hated doing chores. Austistic people do that sometimes, but I don't remember the name of it particularly. They could be on the ace spectrum. They could like Winter a lot, or have been born in Winter. They could be quite logical. Comedy could be their favorite genre. They could be born in December or March. They could be a fire dominant. They could be moon dominant. Their initials could be A, P, Z, U or X.

[urhoneycombwitch]

you oughta know: part I

Spring Break

series masterlist

foreword: since Eddie Munson is our collective Ken doll to dress up as we please I present to you my new and improved: dirtbag!college!Eddie. now with 50% more tattoos and a splash of 90s grunge college academia aesthetic.

cw: drinking, intoxication, R has breasts, R and Eddie are slut4slut in this

___

The bass on this houseparty’s stereo pumps through the floorboards, rattling every wall of the building. Hiding out in the less-stimulating kitchen seems like a good option for tonight.

Apparently, this other guy thinks so, too, ‘cuz soon it’s just you and him across the counter from another. He’s handsome, actually. Moonlight from a window above the sink highlights strong cheekbones and a sharp cupid’s bow as he helps himself to a glass from the cupboard.

Slinking out from elbow-rolled shirtsleeves are thick, dark vine tattoos; they wind around his forearms, smattered with hair and freckles, the ink trailing to end at his wrists.

You lean forward onto the counter separating you two (well aware that you’re spilling out of your top), then tip the neck of your beer bottle at him- “Eddie?”

He spins to face you, raises a pretty brow, long lashes sweeping over auburn eyes- “Uh- maybe? Who wants to know, dollface.”

A scrunch of distaste with your nose at the nickname, you barrel through the discomfort- “Oh, I thought it might be you. I’m Robin’s roommate. She said her weed guy had cool tattoos.”

The guy’s face lights up with a lopsided smile, dimples peeking out as he preens, “So you think they’re cool?”

You roll your eyes, take an unamused sip of beer, press a bit further into your hands on the counter. A little thrill at your small victory- his eyes flicking down once, twice, to your cleavage- you ride the alcohol-gifted looseness and adrenaline. “Psst. Hey. My eyes are up here, perv.”

It’s a tease. A goad masked as chiding. Eddie sets his glass of water down, doe eyes fixed on yours, not falling for the trap of your quick inhale- “You seriously sayin’ that to me, when you’re the one with your tits out?”

He tsks, walks those big boots over, leanin’ in to your counter space, close enough to smell the spice of his cologne- “Would almost think you like the attention.”

You swallow hard. Hold your ground, looking up at him through your lashes, bust still on display- “Yeah, and you’d probably like to be the one to give it to me. In your dreams, pal.”

It’s getting harder to play hard-to-get as Eddie bumps his hip against yours. The whites of his eyes are slightly bloodshot (you can smell the heady undercurrent of weed wafting from his clothes), while the black of his pupils are already blown out with feverish lust. “C’mon, have a heart, angel. Can’t fault a boy for dreamin’.”

And goddammit if you don’t melt for that line. (He really is a rather great lyricist, as you’ll come to find out this upcoming semester.)

In retrospect, you’ll never admit it, but you did make the first move- pressed him right up against Linda Satler’s kitchen counter and kissed him, with tongue. Robin walked in on the two of you and got in a full shriek before either of you realized someone else had come in, jumping apart like two children caught arms-deep in a cookie jar.

“God, gross,” she gags, louder than the wave of sound flooding in from the open door. She crosses the room in a few swift strides and plucks at your elbow, a reproachful whisper- “I sent you to get weed, not to make out with the dealer!”

“I am getting weed, Robin,” you insist, patient but firm, pulling from her grasp to turn back to Eddie, teeth worrying at your bottom lip that shimmers with mixed saliva as you ask, sweet and simply- “Can I please have some weed?”

It wasn’t actually your plan to butter Eddie up for a better price (another fact you’d remain stoically opposed to, later), but he gave it to you, all the same- a laughably low amount for a bundle of pre-rolls.

Robin’s eyes bug out at the amount he hands it over- then she smoothly pockets the goods and pats you on the shoulder. “Okay. My mistake. I actually love that you’re both getting acquainted in this manner. You have my blessing to do it a bunch more, just- not when I’m in the room. M’kay?”

She grins cheekily at Eddie before looping her arm in yours, pulling you with her towards the door- you call out before it closes behind you both, “Robin’s number is our landline! You can call me there, if you want!”

Eddie stands still for a few moments after you’re swallowed up by the noise of the party, palm flat to the twinge in his chest. Cupid’s arrow, he can feel it sinking in.

He’s an RA, this semester. Really can’t afford to be seeing cute girls and selling them weed- at least, not at the same time. Gotta straighten up a bit over Spring Break, he thinks.

Then he cracks the window open. Lights up a joint. Smokes out into the fresh night air and tries really hard to think of anything other than your tits. (A game of mostly losses.)

[saranilssonbooks]

100 Moby-Dick covers ranked by your's truly. Thank you so much to all those of you who sent in contributions and helped make this completely out of proportion project a thing. Jars of angelic spermaceti for everyone! 🤍

As for the ranking, it is purely the result of my own personal taste in aesthetics and heavily influenced by my perception of the story. Add to that a generous amount of sentimentality, as shall be apparent.

What I have been mainly looking at in judging the designs is as follows...

- General appearance; is it attractive? 💕

- Does it help sufficiantly communicate the nature of the story (theme, genre, mood, plot)? ⚰️

- Is it canon? (Meaningful creative licence perfectly allowed!) ✅️

As for the tiers themselves, we have...

Topmost Greatness: this is something out of the ordinary, possibly genius and also I neeeeed it for my collection!

A: Good, good stuff, but might lack that very extra special something

B: Gets the job done, agreeable, totally okay.

C: It's not exactly bad and I'll let that oopsie over there slide, but I probably wouldn't pay much for this one.

You Had One Job: Yeah, you did.

Should Never Have Surfaced: Makes the Pequod tragedy look like a merry holiday.

Art thou ready?

TOPMOST GREATNESS

1. The most beautiful Moby-Dick cover I've ever seen. I was almost tempted to create a tier higher than Topmost Greatness only so that I could place it there.

2. Brilliant composition and color choice, despite its simplicity it hits me straight in the soul.

3. I remember drooling over this in the book store back in the day and considered reading it only because it was so gorgeous. Manages to be both crowded and clean at the same time. Story instantly recognizable.

4. The classiest of all time? Forever a winner!

5. I show the image of this one to people to make them understand the creative brilliancy that thrives within the Moby-Dick community.

6. Captures the mood in a fittingly crooked, awkward way that makes my heart beat faster. (Also reminds me of my copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest for some reason.)

7. Another sort of awkward one, but I love the style, I love the surreal combination of drama and stiffness, pretty fitting the story itself. Makes 'Hab look a bit like the Grim Reaper.

8. The erratic painting technique gives me the perfect kind of crazy vibes.

9. Moby-Dick, a bibliophile's dream, topmost mood nailing, superior dark academia accessory... what more could anyone wish for in a book?

10. So well thought out and the claustrophobic feel helps to create an unsettling mood despite the otherwise quite cheery colors. Sorry, Madagascar.

11. Look, my two main areas of Moby-Dick interest is Ahab and rhe psychology, so... y'know.

12. Mood certainly set.

13. Guess I have a thing for harpoon/eye symbolism. Again that claustrophobic feel by leaving only a sliver of crowded surface.

14. First physical Moby-Dick copy I ever bought. All the books in this Penguin series are gorgeous, but to me this is one of the design winners regardless of the contents.

15. Unsettled in all this tropical serenity yet?

16. The boldness in color choice and to focus on the fire theme is as unusual as it is exciting, and the very modern touch makes it even more interesting!

A.

17. Not normally a style I'm drawn to, but somehow this manages to capture my interest. A successful nod to the painting at the Spouter Inn, lovely line work. My sibling got me this one as a locket for my last b-day.

18. My beloved companion, by now containing almost as much tape as paper. The 19th century poster design is irresistable to me. A white tail would've been even cooler though.

19. It's not that unique looking, yet the worn feel and harpooned Moby Dick simply gets to me somehow.

20. All the crucial elements skillfully and effectivly forged (no pun intended) together.

21. The way the psychology has been captured and the missing leg detail is yum!

22. Kind of busy but so unique and interesting! Yes plz.

23. Another classic! How could Kent's iconic whale ever fail?

24. Aiming for the adventure theme, it appears, and successfully so. Unusual color choice which I happen to be all about. Total vintage feel!

25. Again, not that much is happening, but the ropes, the character design, the inking... I love you, cover, and I need you in my life!

26. An often used scene, but the style gets to me so, so bad.

27. I'm not that much about the washed out color, but the rest is love.

28. Very basic, but also very nice and display friendly and I enjoy the vibe so much.

29. Almost made it to Topmost, but the positioning of the illustration gives off a cheap feel to me. Why couldn't you have used that gorgeous theme depiction to better advantage? Can one order a remake? Or a cropped poster?

30. Love the composition so much but the technique simply doesn't do it quite enough for me to move up one full notch. Still want it so bad for the collection though.

31. Runny ink on pure white is something I associate with Moby-Dick, don't know why. The blotchiness is a really great touch.

32. The design doesn't say much concerning the content, but nevertheless it is so pretty and am I correct when I say there's harpoon vibes?

33. Had that been a white whale, it would've ended up under Topmost!

34. My first reaction to this was that it's a really interesting piece of art, but I wasn't so sure I liked it as much in book cover form. The more I look at it, the more intrigued and enamoured I get. I want more of this.

35. Ahab and Moby Dick from Ahab's POV? Love the distorted psychedelic atmosphere, but another one with missed full illustration use potential.

B.

36. Brings back the menory of cigarettes and fear. Granny the Gregory Peck fan owned one of these and it freaked me out where she kept it on display ever after I'd been forced to watch the movie at age 6. Now I want one just for the hell of it.

37. Okay, so hear me out. I know it's a children's book, but the illustrator obviously knew the story. Love the tangling rope and that Ahab's prosthetic leg seems made out of whale bone rather than wood for once.

38. Nice modern touch, but that's straight up the New Bedford whaler statue, which kinda ruins it for me.

39. Lovely, lovely design, but I simply don't associate it with a story about suicidal tendencies, gore, and mass death.

40. A somewhat unusual character choice to pose on a cover, but hey, I'll take it! :D

41. Doesn't pop, but I do like me some traditional Japanese art vibes!

42. Elegant, but the huge M obscures the title text and the harpoon looks as if crossed with a sewing needle.

43. Basic, but the feel is there and I like the color combination for this story.

44. Love the art and it's impossible not to identify which story this is, but I have several Ahab design choice questions which won't leave me.

45. This whole thing is odd and busy, but I also really like it!

46. Speaking of Japanese traditional art. The lines and the moodiness is much to my liking.

47. Simple, spot on, nothing that extra.

48. If only he hadn't looked so damn happy about it as if Ahab was about to throw that harpoon like a stick for him to fetch. Untold plot line??

49. There is this whole sub genre of Moby Dick balancing the Pequod, a concept that certainly works, but by now it has to have that little extra something to seem truly special.

50. We have a less erroneous whale, folks! It may be a stock image, but Ishmael gave this one thumbs up, and so how could I possibly do differently? Nicely done!

51. First, I get strong The Old Man and the Sea impressions. Second, what kind of whale do you intend to kill with that thing, my dude? Points for canonical end game beard though.

52. I assume this is meant as a traditional Polynesian art style nod in honor of our dear Queequeg. The sports wear lining texture in the title letters confuses me though.

53. There certainly are plenty of canon here, but also, this is some odd mayhem and where are you aiming, Captain? Yay, ivory leg again!

54. Basic, works perfectly fine.

55. This is a really odd scene choice to pick for a cover, but I love this edition and its illustrations to bits. In fact, I'm planning on posting a review of it soon.

C.

56. I haven't peeked into Melville's mind, but I'm pretty sure the Pequod looked quite different. The story is unmistakable though.

57. Nothing wrong with it, I guess, but way too messy for me to be comfortable with.

58. Not much to say here, but a perfectly nice-looking cover for any book.

59. Gets the job done, but not that inspiring.

60. Despite seemingly little effort behind it, this design based on a 19th century (erroneous) whale drawing could have gone straight up to A. You see, in the original image the (erroneous) whale has his penis (erroneous?) in full view, but on this cover it has been erased. How could I not have given a Moby-Dick book cover depicting dozens of (erroneous) whale dicks A? Alas.

61. Good, professional-looking cover, but judging by the illustration only, I would have guessed this was a children's book about the adventures of a jolly porpoise named Toni.

62. No spoilers to see here or anything. Is that a gold prosthetics??

63. This looks so much like a academic book on psychology. Not too far off, I suppose, but I wouldn't be able to figure out which famous story it is.

64. The Temple toggle harpoon was invented in 1848. Do with this information what you will.

65. Hey! That other cover from before! Have to say that the color alterations and helm sihouette wasn't an improvement.

66. A bit extreme for me.

67. I call this excessive simplicity. If you need a copy of Moby-Dick, you will recognize it at once, but it might not attract new readers merely in itself.

68. Just because it's a children's book doesn't mean the vibe has to be off, but I think it is in this case. Recently posted an example of this illustrator's adorable Ishmael here.

69. Where's the title? Confusing for a cover, but I would love this for a poster of mug! Also, the biggest words are Ahab, Queequeg, and Pequod, which I find mildly insulting towards a certain someone. What was he called again?

70. Cool whale picture which I really like, but the accuracy for Moby-Dick isn't really there.

71. It's blue.

72. I understand the idea and the illustration is awesome, but for me, the vibe is strangely all off and I get almost a comedic feel. Again, that's just me.

73. I often feel like an Ahab apologist and can often be somewhat harsh on the whale, but holy shit! A sort of red herring situation meant to make the reader think Ahab will be the winner?

74. It looks full of action and Scrooge's Ahab cosplay look is really neat, but I have... concerns.

75. I don't remember the scene playing out like this and Ahab is clearly not having it.

YOU HAD ONE JOB

76. The exact face I made the first time I saw this kind of cover.

77. After all the people I've heard at the museum mistaking the sperm whale skeleton for an orca, I'm honestly surprised these fails aren't more common. The snowy setting is a nice touch.

78. Hast seen the white beluga?!

79. First shark Moby-Dick I ever saw and during my first week on Tumblr even. The nostalgia is real, shipmates.

80. Cool scene. Where is it from?

81. Come on! This is a fucking Wordsworth's edition!

82. My sentiments exactly.

83. No, it isn't.

84. At first I seriously thought this was some interesting modern sci-fi/fantasy take on Moby-Dick. Nope.

85. At least the person who did this one bothered to give it a traditional nautical flair.

86. The ocean is canon.

87. *screaming shark mode*

SHOULD NEVER HAVE SURFACED

88. Someone's dad is balancing on top of a fire breathing eel whilst ravens are flying around and a poor guy has dark thoughts in the bottom right corner and... I dunno, man. "Whaling voyage turns fatal obsession" apparently. Moby-Dick the Prequel?

89. Whoa, dude!! I know you're angry, but holy shit!

90. "Captain Ahab? He went that way. Me? Just your average cliché 18th century pirate. If you don't mind me asking, sir, what sort of creature are you?"

91. By "annotated" they mean the truth about Wild Bill Hickok's one time side gig as a whaler. There's a fan fiction idea for ya.

92. What in the everloving AI fuck is happening here?

93. Friends, your guesses are as good as mine.

94. In the early 2020s, the ghost of Melville Herman set out to find the ghost of Moby Dick.

95. I guess we never learned what Ahab's dad died from back in the 18th century. Runs in the family and all that.

96. ?????????

97. If you download a public domain work to sell on Amazon for a possible extra buck, taking one minute to check the basic plot before slapping a stock image on it for a cover will be an actual long term investment.

98. "Lol! U overbite!"

99. Well, he is clearly a zombie whale, so maybe this is the sequel then?

100. And thus endeth MOBY D CK.

[thebeesareback]

I just finished the audio book for Donna Tartt's novel The Secret History, so naturally I had to have a lil scroll to see what everyone thought on Tumblr. To add to the discourse: (spoilers, obviously)

Also trigger warning: incest, abuse, murder, alcoholism

Why is Tumblr so in love with Henry Winter?! He murders the farmer, Bunny, and possibly tries to kill Charles. He's manipulative and may well try to make Richard take the fall (har har) for Bunny's death. In the garden scene, he admits to being a psychopath/sociopath. Oh, and he's unbelievably pretentious

Also, why are there so many cute pictures of the twins hanging out? Their relationship was strained, incestuous, co-dependent, abusive. The whole uwu thing baffles me

Richard has a very obvious foot fetish and nobody is talking about it

The novel is quite funny, and I wish more people picked up on that. Most of the humour comes from Francis - the pinz nez stays ON during sex; no, Bunny's parents weren't very upset when one of their grandchildren ruined Francis' scarf, they were preoccupied by their missing son; and there's a throwaway line where the art students eat sushi with paintbrushes instead of chopsticks. I also liked when the twins panicked after Bunny's murder and decided to start repotting tulips

The farmer is referred to by name twice. Once in a newspaper, once by Bunny. Strange to think that he's the person in the squad who might actually have a conscience. Incidentally, Milo, the golden retriever who finds Bunny's body, has his name mentioned more frequently.

Richard is a smelly, badly dressed misanthrope. As is Henry, and Charles towards the end. Francis, Camilla and Hampden itself provide the (admittedly gorgeous) dark academia aesthetic, but if you want to end that dream, remember how terrible everything would have smelled. I guess the difference between appearance and reality is a pretty big theme

Julian is very creepy, obviously, but I was surprised that he wasn't more involved in the plot. He seems like exactly the sort of person to start a cult. I'd also like to know if he and Henry were in a sexual relationship, because we see them kiss once and then it's never mentioned again

Foreshadowing is done EXCELLENTLY through the book. There were a few characters who were described as ghostly at the start, and I THINK they're the ones who survive. Also, Tartt loves her pathetic fallacy (not phallusy).

Time is very strange. If you bothered to plot out all of the events, I don't think it quite makes sense. Term starts in September, say Richard joins Julian's classes in early October? That means all the picnics, the Sunday walks with Bunny, the trips to Francis' house, all happen over about five weeks, leading to the 12th November when Charles, Henry and Francis kill the farmer. Unreliable narrator, I guess

A lot of things about Richard's character make more sense when you realise the abuse he grew up experiencing and witnessing. Poor Ms Papen. Odd that Richard's parents don't visit him when he's in hospital

Funny that everyone is surprised when the twins' incest comes out. Like, they had an orgy at the start of the baccanal. Call me a prude, but I wouldn't attend an orgy with a family member

I would go for girls' night with Judy Poovey

Also, the book was published in 1992. Does anyone know when Prince Charles and Camila Parker Bowles went public with their relationship? Seems like an unbelievable coincidence otherwise

If anyone has an actual criteria for identifying alcohol abuse/alcoholism, please lmk if any of the main six characters AREN'T alcoholics. I'm pretty sure I got liver cirrhosis and lung cancer just from reading this book

[charmedreincarnation]

TW: SA, possibly death??

Hey there fellow witches and warlocks, it's spooky season and I am loving it! I recently discovered the void state through yoga nidra and your reverse psychology method charm, and I was ready to manifest my dream life. October is my birth month and my favorite season, so I was excited to see what the universe had in store for me and whoa did it come through.

It's unfortunate to see that SA victims like me and others are still getting death and rape threats. I was inspired by a blog who shared her experience with yoga nidra, but then deactivated due to trolls sending her horrible messages. It's sad to see people hating on others' success, but we won't let them bring us down.

I manifested everything I desired of course my mind came through!! - from my desired face, body, aura, zodiac, personality, voice, talents, friends, family, and so much more. A few things I've manifested include a dark academia mansion, billionaire parents who aren't known, a witchy and Halloween-themed small business, and an eco-friendly private jet.

I know some of you may be concerned about the "death note" I've manifested, but it's just for fun - I'm a huge fan of Light Yagami from Death Note. I won't actually use it, but it's a cool spook factor to have.

Here’s a tiny list anyways ⬇️

🎃Desired face, body, aura zodiac, personality, voice, talents, friends, family and so much more. I had this long wattpadd story ass list that I obviously won’t share here but trust me my mind came through .

🎃open minded witchy family, dark academia ass mansion, Pinterest dark academia wardrobe in my massive closet that’s the size of a room, billionaire parents who aren’t known (I love my privacy and I love being mysterious), wattpadd billionaire love story to happen in the future. Yes not now…. I’ve been ugly all my life so I want to be a slut right for a bit not sorry, everyone loves and falls in love with me, Idgaf personality, Scorpio sun moon and rising, bold attitude that is adored, but a kind heart for the people I love and so much more. Again like most people I had a very long list on my google documents

🎃I own a witchy candy and Halloween small business!!! but I’m going to be making 100 million dollars a year so I will be a billionaire in the future. I like working and having a craft and it’s just so me, ugh I love my life !!! But I’m going to hire my two best friends that I manifested so we can all be successful rich witch bitches who travel the world and have too much money to spend

🎃an environment friendly private jet. It won’t affect the environment as I love the environment but I also hate flying commercial! I’m also vegan now, I couldn’t be one before due to health issues, but I love animals 🥹🥹🥹 and now I’m rich enough to have healthy tasty cruelty free food.

🎃anyone who sends death threats, rape threats, or engages in a bitter manner on that tea page including the owner will never get into the void until they grow up and acknowledge that they’re weirdos. I’m not as forgiving as these other big blogs. Bye ✌️

🎃anytime I say “you’ll die alone” when im arguing with a man 🤮🤮 (incels, misgyonists, racists not men who aren’t insufferable ofc love y’all) they actually will, and no one will ever love them, until they grow up and once again acklowege their faults. As you can see I’m very into vigilante justice and I’m petty 👻 I’m a witch anyways so now my craft will be perfect.

🎃all my spells and curses work! And any harm attempted to be done to me always backfires On the person 10x worse ! Yea this is my world everyone’s just living in it.

🎃psychokenis, my eyes being able to turn red, divine protection for me and my loved ones, the ability to speak to animals, and never aging. The last thing I manifested a way to benefit all !!!! research age regression and see how we will all be eternal youthful witch bitches in the future ;) I got inspired by my grandma who retired but us too old to enjoy her life. Now she can and we call be 150 and still sexy with 0 bodily pain. I also always hated how we slowly decompose and lose bodily function until we die.. like why can’t we be sexy and bodily abled forever!! This will also help with health issues and diseases like cancer! Just one way to give back for my blessings. And the rest is just to spook bitches tbh I don’t plan on actually doing anything but speaking to animals.

🎃I manifested a death note. Now before y’all start I just really love light yagami I don’t think I will actually use it or maybe I will just to spook bitches but whatever

🎃so much more that I don’t want to share because it’s too long!

So, fellow hot bitches and witches , keep manifesting your dreams and never let anyone bring you down. Remember, we were born to be happy, rich, and loved. It is in your DNA and my word is final !!!!! I’m gonna leave my dream life and be a whore now lova yaaaa 🖤🖤🖤

Lmfao slay 😭😭 idk if it’s too early or what but this sending me for some reason! Anyways I wish you all the best in your life and dreams. Have a great spooky season! I love witches and Halloween too 🧞‍♀️🧞‍♀️

[cosmos-coma]

Cuddling Eskel HCs

While Eskel is the kindest and most polite Witcher, I think he’s also the loneliest. Unfortunately his scars don’t exactly bring in the admirers like his white haired brother’s does and his mild nature doesn’t really put him out there much.

That’s not to say he’d let it get the best of him though. Early on, before you guys have a true and defined relationship, he’d steal a couple touches. A grazing of his fingers as he reaches for something, an “accidental” knocking of each others knees under tavern tables, or a quick brushing away of dirt from your cheek.

The best though were sharing a saddle during long rides. Where- depending on how much sleep you got- you’d either ride behind him, your arms wrapped around his chest and staying there. Or, if you had been tossing and turning the whole night before he’d have you sit in front of him. This way he can have his arms most of the way around you, keeping you from falling off the side. If he was lucky you’d fall asleep to Scorpion’s rhythmic movements and lean back against his soft chest as you snoozed.

However when you got closer he became a little more confidence in reaching out for you, though he still likes the little surge of confidence and love he feels when he sees you reach out for him first.

But once your place in each other’s lives is more established he’s much more apt to slip his hand into yours as your walking or hold open the blanket in an invitation for you to join him under the covers.

In winter it’s 10 times worse. Eskel handles the cold perfectly fine, he’s learned how in his years growing up at the keep. But he also knows it’s the perfect excuse to pull you in closer to him, to spend those 10 extra minutes in bed just holding you that much closer.

Speaking of- the classic question: Big spoon or little spoon? Eskel is s big spoon man, his whole purpose in life his to protect and with you it’s only amplified, especially if you two are out on the path.

However, Eskel has discovered a great fondness for laying his head on your chest/stomach. Specifically when he can lay between your legs, his chest and head laying peacefully on top of you. Soft hums emanate from the mountain of a Witcher as your hands run through his hair, fingers massaging his scalp idly and picking out twigs and leaves. He loves listening to your heart beat in this position, Loves knowing that you’re here, you’re his, as if you’re a dream he’s still not sure if he’ll wake up from.

———-

Witcher Taglist: @writingmysanity @novigrad--dreaming @madamemelancholysstuff @dark-academia-slut @beardedladyqueen

Wanna be added to the Witcher taglist? DM/Ask me to let me know!!

[pictureofdoriaaaaaangay]

chaotic book ramble so I can stop spiraling into the abyss: dark academia books you've heard of and probably already read edition

I need to talk about books I love to stay sane please stand by <3

Bunny by Mona Awad. I love this book SO MUCH. it's beautifully written, the characters are all unhinged women, there's murder, there's creation, there's a creative writing class. it drips with insanity and eroticism. reading it is like living a fever dream. you can picture the events of the book perfectly, but could never hope to explain it to anyone.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. this book is the entire world to me. I love the characters [they're all terrible and irredeemable people], I love the story [they kill a man then they kill their friend and also worship Dionysus], and I absolutely want a friend group just like the Greek class [to reiterate: they are all walking red flags]. it's a book you have to read once, then again, and again, just to notice more and more so you can analyze it and make deductions. at the end of the day, it goes beyond the age-old "moral implications of murder" and delves into "moral implications of love". don't ask me how many times I've read it. that's my red flag.

If We Were Villains by ML Rio. it was only recently that I read this over the course of twenty four hours, and I honesty have yet to recover. I'm not a Shakespeare girlie, but I still loved the way his work was so inherently and intricately woven into the story of the iwwv characters. it was transcendent. it was a tragedy, it was a love story, it was a comedy. it depends on your perception of it, I suppose. but I digress - it's a really good bloody book. expect the ending to make you cry.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, by our lord and savior Oscar Wilde. this, technically, can't really be classified under the textbook definition of "dark academia" since there's not exactly any academia (can Harry even read let's be honest here), but it goes in this list because VIBES. this is one of my favorite novels of all time, and another one I've read one too many times for it to not be a red flag. I mean, the name of my damn blog is my red flag. I love it so much. it's got everything, from art to obsession to murder to gay people to the most heartachingly profound lines you've ever read. I mean, why wouldn't you read it if you haven't already?

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever. this one snuck up on me. towards the beginning, I wasn't sure if I'd like it, but by the middle, I was hooked. by the ending, I was shooketh. reading the author note, I was sitting silently in abject horror. more gay people, more obsession, more murder - what else do I have to say?

this has been a chaotic book ramble. thank you for being here <3

[zeebee3]

Mother!! Your last fic slapped so hard? Omg. You're genius.

I wanted to ask you for some recommendations.👀 I love everything you've ever written, so I'm sure I'll love what you've enjoyed reading too.

If/when you have time, of course.💙

Ahhhhh okay this is going to be a long list, I can already tell 😂 I've tried to limit myself but there are SO MANY fics out there that I eat up again and again, and there will never be a comprehensive list of stuff I've enjoyed because so far, it's truly endless.

That said, here are the first handful that jumped to mind which I've read at least twice (that's got to be a metric of something, right?). I'm going to do the absolute barest summary for them because really, the author's summary and tags do more good than I ever will.

It also goes without saying that every fic by any of these writers is a 10/10 slam dunk, so make a cup of tea and scroll their work lists for more gems. I hope you enjoy!

Note: all of them are rated E

In no particular order...

Dramione

While They Were Sleeping by Dizzle00. The sexual tension in this one!!!!!! pls. I die, even on rereads. Mind the tags as it's an infidelity fic (dating not married).

Full Tilt by Khakis. BDD and a Hermione who is determined to take it. You're welcome in advance.

I Won't Kiss a Death Eater by Orolin. Wartime, forbidden love, clandestine meetings, THE SPICE, the moody vibes!! The podfic of this (linked at the bottom) is also insanely good.

A Healer's Guide to Mating with a Werewolf by sad_millennial. The build up and storytelling is so wonderful, it's truly mind boggling that this clocks in under 8k words for how rich and full of life it is!

The Horny Virgin Chronicles by SilverDragonGemini. 8th year, Hermione asks Draco to help her learn what she likes in bed. Every chapter is amazing, I read it in a single sitting and will be rereading for sure!

Serpents & Skulls by Wanderingfair. Muggle uni AU, secret society, mystery and romance! The moody, dark academia vibes are exceptional.

horny devil by SultryNuns. Draco grows horns, and they are sensitive. I know, I know--say less.

Mount by molivier. Brazilian Ju Jitsu as foreplay. AGAIN, say less.

I was just thinking about it, I'm not gonna do it by malfoyesque. Draco pulls out every time...until now. This is the Draco POV of our dreams.

The Wandmaker by Charingfae. Draco makes magical sex toys; Hermione buys one 🙃

A Marriage of Inconvenience by Beforetherealbook. The title says it all--add in virgin!Draco, pining!Draco, and baby we're cookin'

The Summer After by youhavemyswordandbow. Set in the summer before 8th year, Draco is sent to live with the Grangers. I have a crush on this whole story.

Triads

The Cock Tongue Incident by neilistic. (Hermione/Draco/Astoria). Hermione is summoned to Draco and Astoria's home to help with something. I'm full-on on my knees for this Astoria, and the premise is so unique and so so well done!

Tarnished by westxnorthwest. (Draco/Theo/Hermione). 8th year, the start of a triad, no prior Dreo (which is very very fun to see bloom).

Drarry

Only for October by DodgerKedavra. Every chapter is written based on the 2023 HP Cocktober prompt. Every chapter is also FANTASTIC 🫠

Former Things Come to Mind by DodgerKedavra. Okay I'm cheating on my self-imposed "one fic per author" rule but I simply can't not suggest everyone read this one. The prose. THE CHARACTERIZATIONS. I tear up every reread.

That Old Black Magic by bixgirl1. God-tier marriage law fic. This is the one that got me into that trope to begin with. PHEW.

Lumos by birdsofshore. Another classic Drarry but hey, if you haven't read it, let this be your cue!

OKAY that's it for now, but I am curating a list of my favorite other/rare pair fics as well so once I get that together, I'll do a follow up post.

Annddddd now I want to go reread half of these AGAIN 😅

[dee-writes-angst]

What Once Crumbled, Will Be Rebuilt Ten Times Stronger

SUMMARY Tenko Shimera was your best friend, the fire in his eyes fueling your days, until he was gone.

CONTENT WARNINGS death, depictions of homeless children, mentions of abuse, loss, and grief. For the sake of the series (and my conscience), all characters are aged up while still following the plot of MHA. In other words, think of UA as a college rather a high school.

AUTHORS NOTE my love for My Hero Academia is something that I have kept carefully hidden from this platform considering the amount of toxicity surrounding the fandom, but this story idea has swept me up and I really want to share it with you guys. So, I have decided to say fuck it and post it. Happy new series, my darlings! I hope you’ll stick around and get swept up with me.

SERIES MASTERLIST

You had known Tenko Shimura since you were a child, a bond that had grown unbreakable over the years. He was your childhood best friend, the quiet and reserved boy who seemed out of place among the more boisterous children. Yet, beneath that calm exterior, you saw a fire in him, a burning intensity that mirrored your own. His fire was one of hate and anger, a raging storm that contrasted sharply with the deep, unsettling fear that fueled your own ambitions.

Despite his quiet demeanor, Tenko had a unique ability to reassure you. In his presence, you found a strange sense of comfort, as if his anger could temporarily quell your fears. Those moments, fleeting as they were, provided a brief respite from the anxieties that plagued you. Yet, no matter how comforting those moments were, they always ended the same way: Tenko being dragged back home, leaving you to face your fears alone. 

Your memories of those warm summer days are vivid, filled with dreams and schemes of a brighter future. You and Tenko would sit for hours, plotting and fantasizing about the day you both might become heroes. You envisioned yourselves changing the world, making a real impact. Those dreams were your escape, a shared vision that kept you both going through the challenges of your childhood. 

In those days, the world was a place of infinite possibilities. The future was a canvas, and you and Tenko were determined to paint it with your dreams. You believed that together, you could overcome anything, that your combined strength and resolve would be enough to conquer any obstacle. The bond you shared was more than just friendship; it was a partnership forged in the fires of ambition and fueled by the desire to make a difference. 

As you both grew older, Tenko’s fire only grew brighter and harsher. He renounced the world that caused him so much torment and pain, his dreams slowly shifting from idealistic visions of change to fantasies of destruction. Tenko wanted to burn everything down and revel in the screams of suffering, his anger turning into a desire for vengeance against a world that had wronged him. 

Your path, however, took a different turn. Despite the hardships you faced, you clung to your dreams, even on those cold nights spent sleeping on benches in parks or hidden behind disgusting dumpsters in alleyways. In the shadows of the city, you found strength in your vulnerability. Every harsh experience, every cold night, and every moment of loneliness forged you into someone determined to make a difference. You saw the world’s cruelty firsthand and vowed to fight against it, not by destroying it, but by changing it from within.

Comfort was a foreign concept to you. You had never felt the gentle caress of a mother or heard the deep belly laughter from playing with a father. Your life began in an alleyway that looked like any other dark alleyway in the city—cold, ruthless, and haunting. 

You had met Tenko when he dared to run away from home one fateful day. He found you on a playground bench, shaking you awake with a mixture of curiosity and concern, asking if you were dead. When you confirmed that you were alive, he smiled at you—genuinely smiled—a rare warmth that you hadn’t experienced before. He tugged you off the bench and into the playground, where the bark chips bit into your bare feet. You had outgrown your only shoes years ago, and each step left small streaks of blood behind, but you ignored the pain. 

Tenko was animated, talking excitedly about a game he wanted to play. His energy and enthusiasm were infectious, a stark contrast to the indifference you were used to from others. No one had ever noticed you before; they simply went about their day, oblivious to the child shivering on a park bench. But Tenko saw you. He acknowledged you, pulled you into his world, and gave you a taste of what it felt like to be seen and valued. 

It was that day, amid the bark chips and bleeding feet, that Tenko Shimura became more than just a boy who ran away from home. He became your best friend and your hero. His smile, his warmth, and his willingness to reach out to you forged a bond that would shape your life in ways you couldn't yet comprehend. From that moment on, Tenko was a beacon of hope and companionship in your otherwise harsh and lonely existence. 

Everything had changed one cold night in October. By this time, you and Tenko were inseparable. His itching had worsened over the months, but what truly bothered him wasn’t the itching itself. It was his mother smothering him in cream and offering false sincerities. He had tried many times to get his mother to let you stay after he was found and forced home, but once bruises started appearing on his skin, he refused to ask again. The dark marks marring his soft skin grew more frequent, a silent testament to his hidden suffering. You tried to ask him about it once, but he became very quiet, and his itching grew so intense that he started to bleed. Since then, you assumed he wasn’t ready to share and let it drop. 

It was a particularly harsh night when you lost your best friend. You stayed close to his house, having set up your makeshift home in an alleyway about two blocks away, curled tightly under a thin sleeping bag to ward off the cold. In the middle of the night, a loud crash was quickly followed by the ground shaking beneath you. Despite the maturity you had been forced to develop in your time alone, you were still a child, so you ran to Tenko’s home seeking comfort. But all you found was rubble. The ear-splitting crash and the shaking ground were caused by his home collapsing. Your small hands pushed and pulled at the debris, desperately trying to save your friend, sobbing and heaving as you searched all night long. You were too weak, too young to make any impact on the devastating collapse. 

That night, amidst the tears and cries of agony as you cut your small hands and knees on the rubble, you vowed to become a hero. No matter what it took, you would not allow another person to lose a best friend the way you had. The memory of Tenko, the boy who had seen you, acknowledged you, and become your hero, fueled your determination. His smile, his warmth, and the bond you shared would forever be the driving force behind your quest to make a difference in a world that had taken so much from you.