#no idea if any of this makes sense i’m just dumping my thoughts currently

[soupdwelling]

npmd headcanons i’m coming up with as i type this also i’m half asleep

richie used to have the craziest magic school bus hyper fixation for like a solid two years

ruth was the kid who just ate random shit all the time like she’s ask to borrow a pencil and when she gave it back it looked like a family of beavers went to town on it

when grace was asked to draw a family portrait in kindergarten she included god like just hanging out in the air above her and her parents

max treated dodgeball like the olympics throughout all of elementary school and he and kyle and jason were the kids that wore basketball shorts in below freezing weather

steph was forced into piano lessons as a kid and did them for like 8 years and her teacher was like 97 years old and his house smelled like mothballs and dust and there was no lighting even though he had like 15 vintage lamps for some reason she hated it so bad

pete has broken the same leg like 5 times he just has one bone that is so susceptible to breaking for absolutely no reason it just does that

grace used to pretend jesus was her imaginary friend she’d sit in the grass at recess and genuinely just talk to the air next to her like it was jesus. which is kind of sad actually

one of richies earliest experiences of gender envy was the main dude from sword art online i forgot his name

steph was one of those girls who like pretended to be a fairy at recess and had like a rivalry with a different fairy kingdom and one time stacy or something betrayed her for the other fairy kingdom because they had their headquarters at a better tree and steph didn’t forgive her for like two years

ruth is super prone to almost drowning. she knows how to swim in theory but she just loves to get into situations near large bodies of water she’s almost drowned so many times

richie has burnt most of the taste buds off on his tongue because he religiously eats warheads and was once dared by ruth to eat as many at once as possible and nearly threw up

pete is an avid roblox player and would never admit it to anyone

max is weirdly good at taking care of fish. he had a beta fish when he was younger and kept it alive for a solid 5 years he didn’t recover for like a year after it died and that event honestly might have contributed to his current behavior it really hit him hard

[dahldahlbills]

I really need to get serious about personal projects again

[alexandraisyes]

i’ve been thinking about dark sun for a while now so i’m dropping my thoughts into your ask box

when dark sun was first introduced i took ONE look at that mf and went “this man is def schizoid.”

i’m gonna dump the dsm criteria for szpd in here real quick

DSM-5 Criteria

- A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and a restricted range of expression of emotions in interpersonal settings, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

1. Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family.

2. Almost always chooses solitary activities.

3. Has little, if any, interest in having intimate experiences with another person. (note: i changed the wording from sexual to intimate here because it can be seen as an attempt to pathologize asexuality, and that’s not very cool of the DSM)

4. Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities.

5. Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives.

6. Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others.

7. Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity.

disclaimer here, considering the recent lore on dark sun, i don’t think he’s Entirely Schizoid anymore, but he def has Some Traits. I’ll mostly just be talking about my earlier thoughts on him before all the shit with Ruin, Nexus, and Eclipse happened

when he was first introduced (and through some of his subsequent interactions) i could SMELL the apathy and anhedonia on this bitch. i mean LOOK at this man

dark sun was obviously Very Detached and seemed unbothered by his solitude/overall Lack of Social Relationships, in fact i think he preferred it

i can’t say anything about him enjoying any activities (even with current lore) (which in it of itself might say something about him) i’m not sure if this guy truly Enjoys anything he does, he seems quite apathetic to it all

him lacking close confidents is. kind of self explanatory, he was very much Alone in his dimension (moon does not count, i’m not sure if that guy was even functional). his indifference is also self explanatory i think

i already mentioned his Detachment, but he definitely experiences flattened activity, i don’t think we’ve ever seen him sound/be remotely emotional

he also does appear to experience some level of grandiosity/superiority complex, which is actually something that can be experienced with SZPD (not to be confused with grandiosity in NPD)

for SZPD, they may experience grandiosity as a defense mechanism. it should be noted that people with SZPD who display these behaviors may not believe they are a “great” person. rather it’s a mask to protect themselves. think of it as a means to maintain their independence (avoid being “controlled”) or cover up their own emotional inavailability.

here’s a tumblr post with some screenshots about SZPD & grandiosity (from a book about SZPD) that you may find useful: https://hauntedselves.tumblr.com/post/715822672943202304/schizoid-defences-omnipotence-and-grandiosity

now, does dark sun genuinely believe he’s great/superior? honestly idk LMAO if anyone has any idea lmk

ANYWAYS, this is probably really jumbled (rip) but i tried my best. i’m just a guy with szpd who thinks it’s Really Neat when characters display symptoms of a disorder i have

i hope you enjoyed my Thoughts 🐐

Hi and thanks for the ask! And it actually makes a lot of sense as to why you would think he has ScPD considering it's commonly mixed up with ASPD by the general public.

Firstly, I think it's important to recognize that ScPD is a Cluster A disorder, and ASPD (his canon diagnosis) is a Cluster B disorder. The two clusters have similar but different criteria and generalized behaviors.

Both disorders involve difficulties in social interactions. ScPD individuals have discomfort in close relationships and may exhibit eccentric behaviors, while those with ASPD may disregard others' rights and engage in manipulative or deceitful behavior. People with ScPD may exhibit paranoid thoughts and suspiciousness, which can superficially resemble the manipulative and distrustful behaviors seen in ASPD.

ScPD is characterized by eccentric behavior, odd beliefs, and social anxiety. In contrast, ASPD involves a lack of empathy, disregard for social norms, and manipulative or anti-social behavior. Individuals with ScPD often behave oddly due to cognitive distortions and discomfort in social situations, not intending harm. Those with ASPD often act with intentional disregard for others' rights and may engage in harmful behavior without remorse.

Mental health professionals use structured diagnostic tools and criteria (like those in the DSM-5) to distinguish between these disorders accurately. This process includes detailed interviews, psychological assessments, and consideration of the individual's history and behavior patterns. This second part is especially important because if you look at the DSM-5 criteria a lot of behaviors are generalized and therefore a lot of different specific behaviors get glossed over. This is how I ended up with an autism diagnosis (I am not autistic in the slightest) and almost got shackled with a BPD diagnosis too because the people diagnosing me weren't taking the time to figure out what I was actually like and listening to the general behaviors.

Misunderstanding can occur in non-clinical settings due to a lack of detailed knowledge about the specific features of each disorder. The term "personality disorder" itself can lead to confusion, as people might assume all personality disorders have similar characteristics. Media often portrays individuals with personality disorders in a sensationalized manner. For example, characters with ASPD are frequently depicted in media as violent criminals or masterminds, while those with SCPD might be shown as eccentric loners or “weirdos.” These portrayals lack the nuance of real-life experiences and can lead to stereotypical views that do not accurately represent the spectrum of symptoms or the daily challenges faced by individuals with these disorders.

Some symptoms can appear similar across different personality disorders, leading to confusion. For instance, both ASPD and SCPD can involve social difficulties, but for very different reasons. Without a thorough understanding of the specific criteria for each disorder, people might conflate the two or misinterpret behaviors.

I think it's important to remember that as far as canon goes, he was labeled with ASPD from the get-go, and they have been extremely consistent with portraying ASPD traits in his character. However, as far as fanon goes, do whatever you want bro. I'm in full support of having headcanons and such.

As far as superiority, survey says yes. However, not in the sense of grandiosity that comes with arrogance or the belief that one is better than others which is commonly associated with disorders like NPD and ScPD, as well as others. I actually talked about what it's like for someone with ASPD/low empathy in this regard and I'll go ahead and grab that.

Fourthly, as someone who believes themself to be both superior and inferior of their peers at most all times, but never an equal, as well as having experience with other's who are similar to myself in nature, I will have to debunk that last statement entirely. You cannot feel superior to something if you do not understand it, because how else are you able to make that judgement. Most often people who genuinely know that they are above their peers understand their peers more than their peers understand themselves, and it is not a snobbish, arrogant superiority, but rather a knowledge, deep and lonesome in nature, that you will be lucky to chance upon another who can match your own understanding. It is not a cruel, vindictive behavior, but rather the turn of pages and the avoidance of others because they exhaust you by being overly concerned with things that you know have no real importance. People around you are tedious at worst, and amusing at best. There is a difference between genuinely being superior and being casted in this knowledge that is fact, and considering yourself better than another person. More often than not those who are genuinely above others in their understanding are the ones who are most aware that they are then rendered as less than, for they can no longer comfortably exist among their peers, and as humans are social creatures, one who cannot do such at ease are cast aside by the crowds as well. It creates both a hermit and a pariah out of a being.

This specific snippet was from a debate about Gemini having low empathy but also applies to characters (and people) with ASPD.

Also thank you for coming in here to share! I think you raise a lot of good points that would have been extremely relevant and informative, and still are extremely informative. Maybe not as relevant however since we already know that Helios is canonically ASPD, haha. However, it was so nice to hear your thoughts and about you're experiences (indirectly), so thank you so much for sharing (again)!

[the-siren-in-your-fridge]

as a fellow gender expansive person [and being intersex meself], who has been reading the wheel of time, I have thought about this, and I have investigated it deeply.

To put it quite simply, robert jordan did not know trans or intersex people existed when he built the world of the wheel of time. The way gender works in that universe is so painfully and pervasively binary that it's actually a little unsettling when I think about it for long enough, that there was a time where some people in our world really believed humanity was like this [though I don't know if he himself thought so]. Even the soul is gendered in the wheel of time, and the "channeling limb" is a part of it.

How I would change it would sound subtle on paper but truthfully it would change a major aspect of the tone of the books, and the worldbuilding: I would simply make the nature of one's "channeling limb" an inherited sex-characteristic, along with all the other gendered powers in this universe. This would essentially bring the gendered aspects of the magic system[s] in this world in line with our modern, scientific understanding of sex and gender, and open the door for the existence of trans, intersex, and nonbinary people, without completely removing it from the setting entirely. It would mean there would be a fraction of channelers of a specific half of the power, who appear, present, and maybe even identify as a gender other than the majority of their type. Spicier still is it would also mean that, very rarely, if one follows the logic of the "channeling limb" as a sex-characteristic, that there would be individuals who can channel both halves of it, whether separately or at once. Whether or not these people would instantly burn themselves out according to the magic system's canon logic remains to be seen. But there are parts of the worldbuilding that would inevitably have developed differently and appear differently than their current canon expressions if this were actually the case in the default Wheel of Time. The present-day Aes Sedai could not possibly be an all-female organization, for example, even though they'd likely be three quarters cis women at least.

I hope dumping this wall of text in your inbox is not an irritation to you. I just stumbled across your post and found you were expressing a sentiment I really sympathized with, as a current-day reader of this series.

I love this idea! I’m only halfway through book four, so I don’t know EVERYTHING about the magic system, (like I don’t know about gendered souls or the channeling limb thing) but based on what I know so far, it’s weird that it’s gendered. I’m glad other people enjoyed my take!

I can’t say I’m mad that a guy who started a fantasy series in the 90s didn’t know about all the nuances of gender stuff because back then he would have had to seek it out, and if he didn’t know any gender spicy people, he wouldn’t have considered it (unless he read Wrinkle In Time, for example, and was intrigued by the Happy Medium or something along those lines form another project). You don’t question the norm without prompt most of the time, especially if it’s presented like a truth if nature that will never change, but it’s still disappointing. And a lot of the men vs women stuff gets on my case soooo badly because outside of it being painfully binary, it’s just annoying after a while. We get it, they hate each other. Even when I remind myself “it’s this bad because a man messed up the male half of the power, it’s a world building thing, it makes a bit of sense” I still get mad.

But this series has some of the most intricate world building I’ve ever encountered so sometimes it seems odd that he hasn’t considered, even a little, spicing up the gendered magic. The story could remain the same if he did what you suggested or even what I suggested in one of my older posts, and making different aspects of the power inheritable would definitely make things more complicated, but also more logical. All natural things have exceptions and the power seems to be, for lack of a better term, a nature thing (seeing as the amount of people with the gene for it is shrinking because of men being gentled). It would also make Rand being the dragon much more important (not just a lucky gene toss up, a near IMPOSSIBLE gene toss up, this is Definitely The Guy) and makes the power much more generally dangerous, because if it’s not a simple male/female split among cis people, novices in the white tower could go insane at random and men who are gentled could have been harmless and the Aes Sedai have shrunk the gene pool even more by accident. It certainly ups the risk factor, and this doesn’t begin to cover non-binary and intersex people, who add to the punnet square of Power Having even more.

(This is assuming I understood what you suggested. It’s like the calico/ginger cat gene? Where most of the time it’s one way but sometimes not? And that doesn’t always mean the cat is intersex? Yay cats)

So yes, gendered magic systems are way cooler if they account for the actual nuances of gender and sex

[maareyas]

Hey hey hey its been a hot minute, i hope life is treating you well? (It better - if not ill fight life for you in the ring)

I’m giving you the opportunity to info dump about anything. And i mean anything be it something to do with one of your aus (we love lore) or even about any interests you may have (i know you like the fun-guys, whats your favourite shroom👀?)

Sidenote i just thought of this when typing the shroom question, i really thought that during feb that you mightve dabbled with the funguary prompts. Idk i thought you’d really like those. Like pair up a shroom with a character or something and go wham with it. Idk where i was going with this… yeah

I JUST STRAIGHT UP FORGOT to answer this ask hhdhdhdg whoops. I lost whatever idea I had to ramble about so I'm going to use this as an excuse to ramble about my thought process thus far behind the merhog Shadow I'm working on

(I keep forgetting Funguary exists and my database of Fungi Knowledge is unfortunately not specific enough for me to parcipate ahfhjdjsjsj)

Anyways. With merhog designs, I tend to have a "speculative biology" approach to it, i.e the different merhog design elements make some sense in context. I think I mentioned before that designing Creatures and Robots scratch a similar itch in my brain; and this is why. You can tell a bunch about how a Creature moves, eats, and lives just based on their physical traits. Same goes for robots!

Of course, I'm still an artist first and foremost. So when it comes to creature design, I still put aesthetics and Vibes™️ first before realism XD

with that out of the way, here's the rambles about the In-Progress merhog shadow design. No images because I'm lazy ahdhdjs

My first thought with the merhog shadow design was that "I have to throw a little bit of Godzilla inspo in there". I've had Godzilla on the brain since I watched the new movie with Kong a few weeks ago lol. And bc I like bioluminescence way too much, he's gonna be a glowy boiiiii.

I'm thinking he does actually have atomic breath and can subsist off/absorb nuclear energy. In the hypothetical au this design is from, the ARK would be an underwater facility that was destroyed in a nuclear explosion of some sort. Shadow was the only survivor and he "haunts" the spot to this day.

Shadow's concept isn't as clear to me as Silver's was. Vaguely, I want him to be more reptile-adjacent as a callback to the Biolizard and the Black Arms. I feel like going full reptile would make him look too bulky and slow so I'm still working it out.

This is the current iteration of the design so far:

barely anything, but it's what I got XD

I like the idea of merhog Shadow having two huge front flippers that can sort of act like extra hands. the flippers were partially based by a winged Black Arms enemy I forgot the name of + humpback whale fins. the little bumps on the front side of the fins? they're for speed, like with actual humpbacks. The little claw is NOT biologically realistic at all, but it looks cool and im already planning to take inspo from godzilla anyways so. yeah.

In general I think I might just take a more fantastical approach to Shadow? It feels fitting with his canon origins being weird.

For his head, I decided to turn his quills into tentacles, specifically of the Vampire Squid. There are spikes underneath to protect the back of his head from roundhouse kicks (bc he's the only one allowed to do that lmao). I'm thinking he might also have a false eye pattern in the center of the tentacles? A deterrent to potential predators + as a callback to Doom's Eye.

His eye markings get a little change too. They can emit red light, just like Stoplight Loosejaw (yes that's a real fish name) which have organs underneath their eyes that emit red light to hunt prey with. I imagine merhog Shadow would also have its extremely messed up jaw configuration ✨ I don't know how I would draw it though ✨✨✨

As far as solid inspiration goes, that's what I have so far. I'm considering giving Shadow more whale-adjacent features. With how huge his front flippers are, I think it'd make sense that he'd be more of a power swimmer? aka he has a big tail that does most of the work propelling him forward, and the flippers are to reduce the energy cost while also increasing speed and maneuverability. It would be a close enough analog to his skating, maybe????

He doesn't sound very fast but then again, I imagine neither is merhog Silver lol

[nodssalementriche]

The past week or so has been one of routine; one of cleaning inside my self and outside amidst new changes! My brother recently moved out, so Mel and I are taking over his old room, which was my old room. We’ve been redoing it, and are currently still in the process. All we’ve really done is paint it, pull up all of the staples, rip up the carpet and well now that I say this, I guess we’ve done a lot!!

But we still have a long way to go, and I really am enjoying the process of being in a process if that makes sense. Since it’s bigger than just one project (but still part of ONE larger one) it allows for a lot of internal growth honestly. A lot of time spent doing monotonous tasks with a lot of room to think. I really like the routine of thinking I like sitting down and going through stuff, writing stuff down… brain dumping if you will!

I really enjoy having intentional conversations with myself. I think it allows for a lot of thoughts and ideas that are less likely to occur organically (now[there is no telling of a future]).

That being said, I am no stranger to overthinking, and its larger clouded web from having too much time in my head.

Not because I’m necessarily fixated with anxiety on one thing, but because it’s just so easy to sort of have thinking be a vessel for spiraling into unneeded anxieties.

So yes, just overthinking- overstimulating your brain.

So then those monotonous tasks, like pulling up staples, and like painting a room, they can cause so much room for that overthought. I’ve really been trying to use those moments as an opportunity to exercise some mental skills of being present. And I think that being present is a constant struggle or area of work for any person. That it is the largest struggle for purpose. So I try to take the overthought, the lapses, with grace and consideration for my Self. And ironically, a lot of being present is just turning that off completely. But it’s a 2 3 4 5 6 7 step process. (So then come in the grace and consideration)

It was nice because I was able to come back to myself and say OK. I am pulling up staples right now. This is how much pressure I am using. This is where I am putting the staple. This is what the staple looks like. It is kind of like those grounding methods of five things you can see, naming all the red objects in the room, that sort of thing.

And since I’ve just been, you know, holed up working on moving stuff, folding clothes, re-organizing things, and what not, it’s been allowing me to be so much more grateful for the time I spend outside. That coupled with the fatigue that comes with manual labor. I’ve just enjoyed being more calm, I guess.

I’m going to continue to try to apply this until it hopefully becomes more innate again, but I’m trying to enjoy the entire journey; and I am.

As I’ve been typing this, I’ve actually been doing speech to text (coming back in to edit out all the technological errors) while on a walk with my dog. I’m gonna go and enjoy the air with her, enjoy the sun with her. Enjoy the birds, enjoy the grass. I hope everyone takes care.

[yubel198]

Info on Garcello for the Revival AU

((For some reason Gar’s kinda been my focus the last few days, so I’m gonna do an info dump on Garcello for the Revival AU, these’ll also be involved in my stories down the line))

* currently, Garcello is 28 years old

* Garcello still has his bear Beetle-Bear from his childhood

* Beetle-Bear has a small thermos hidden inside him, containing some pretty important documents regarding Garcy’s adoption. (this’ll be important down the line)

*Garcello has some abilities given to him by King, one of which being the ability to possess others.

* Because of this, it’s impossible to possess Garcello under any circumstance.

* However, if a situation calls for it, he will let someone possess him to handle the situation, as long as it doesn’t leave any nasty side effects.

* So far, Gar has possessed both Axol and Annie (with their consent)

* The reason why is they trust him enough, having no secrets to hide amongst the three of them

* Garcello however has had to possess Mario and Bob as payback for certain reasons

* In Mario’s case, it was because he kept trying to break into his kitchen

* Bob, he stole Gar’s pot brownies ... again

* Garcello does know how to make pot brownies. He learned from Sheridan years ago. He used to sell them to the stoner kids in high school for a buck a piece.

* Lucks had no idea, as Gar left his earnings with Sheridan

* Regarding possessing anyone else in the crew, Gar did try possessing Luigi as a dare.

* it did not go well

* Luigi was crying while Garcello was apologizing profusely.

* Mario found it hilarious, until Annie threw him in the trash

* Regarding the pot brownies, Gar makes them if he needs the buzz, though more often than not Bob steals them right from his fridge.

* Once Gar, Axol, and Niles all got high off them during a camping trip. Melony and Annie thought it was hysterical.

* Was more hysterical when Whimpu got high.

* The gang had to hide the brownies from JubJub and Spudnick though.

Because of what happened before he died, regarding Lucks, Theo, Tari and Sheridan, Garcello promised himself he’d never lose another friend again, no matter what.

* (forgot to mention this) Gar has a somewhat sixth sense, where he can tell if one of his friends is acting strange or off, basically, he can tell when someone’s being possessed and find the one doing so. Because of this and his protective nature he gets angry real fast

* When Garcy’s pissed, he somehow sounds just like Lucks, which surprised Annie the first time she saw him real pissed

* Garcello does have Lucks’s gun, the same one that shot his father. It was left to him by Lucks but he rarely if ever uses it, for obvious reasons.

* Because of his ability to go ghost, he can also go invisible

* When dealing with an enemy who has his friends under their control, he’s like Beetlejuice from the musical in his ghost form. Annie finds it hilarious.

* Gar’s a fan of Iron Chef (original) and watched it as a kid with Lucks. He found the series again airing reruns back in March of this year and relives the nostalgia

* while dead, he and Axol met Iron Chef Italian Kobe (was shocked to learn he died) who was kind enough to teach the boys to cook.

* Garcello did not take this news well, he had no idea Kobe had died.

* Garcello didn’t take the news that Iron Chef Chinese, Chen Kenichi died all that well either (this was during the It’s Gotta Be Perfect Livestream back in March, as Chen died on my birthday...)

* Garcello’s fluent in Japanese, Italian, French, and Spanish, he also knows sign language.

* Despite Axol having a melon god for a fiancé, Garcello’s very protective of his bro, same for Masa and Annie.

* Both Garcello and Axol hope that Lucks would okay an adult adoption for Axol to legally join the family.

* Dan and Marcy already approve

* During the events of Western Spaghetti, Garcello knew what Wren was doing curtesy of a special pair of glasses that he still had from when he was alive.

* Instead of trying to break out however, Gar decided to join Wren and befriend him, despite knowing what Wren was doing to poor Meggy

* Oddly enough, it worked, and Wren began to trust Garcello more, not knowing about him and Tari working on a plan to escape.

* before his death, Wren promises Garcello he’d find his dad for him, having seen his past through the simulation.Gar gives a salute to his friend before running out after Meggy saying: “So long, partner”

* yes he quoted Toy Story

* During their time in the simulation, Garcello, Wren, and the others (minus Meggy because obvious) would do funny stuff together, mostly on nights where Wren would make everyone like him, or have everyone cut loose. One thing Gar told him of was Hoedowns from Whose Line

* To this day, nothing beats Mario singing about getting screwed over by his taxes

* Except SMG0 implying he did lots of yard work “Cause it’s a cheap way to get my hands on grass”

* Niles couldn’t breathe after that

* After the gang escaped and after Wren’s death, Garcello told King to keep an eye on him and make sure he’s safe.

* Despite being like Sheridan, Garcello did see good in Wren, with him just needing guidance...

* .... and a friend.

((That’s all I got guys!))

[happy-ramm]

Hi!

First of all: Thank you very much, I really appreciate all of your input on the current rammstein situation and I’d totally say I agree!

The situation is fucked.

I just want to add some of my thoughts about all of this, if that’s ok:

Let’s start with: I hate it here.

I hate what this debate does to the bigger image of the band: they are in the process of becoming a tool to express hate towards women and the general idea of feminism. There are misogynists, fans of this red pill ideology ‘defending’ Till by simply calling the women who came forward with allegations slurs. And there are fanaccounts sharing these videos like “go watch it, big recommendation” … you’re like ten seconds in and the dude in the video calls a woman “bitch”/“hoe” because he has ‘evidence’ that she might be lying? Shut up, Sherlock and maybe let some professional investigator do their job?

Who do they think they’re helping with that? It’s ridiculous, really embarrassing and not helpful at all imho.

This antifa-incident now also gives a lot of rather right winged people (Nazis lol) the opportunity to slide in the comment section of posts about it and spread hate of the political left as a whole and force their ideas of “the lefts being the new facists” on everyone. This connection is also very nice for all those journalists out there who love discussing rammstein as nazis! And also veeeery nice for the current political situation in Germany! much wow. I’m so done. (Also quick advice to all the activists out there: if you feel like vandalism, maybe rather write ‘no stage for Nazis’ on some buildings that are owned by ‘Alternative für Deutschland’?)

(These right winged accounts also really often show their homophobia - which I find quite ironic given the fact that rammstein eg waved pride flags in poland and their guitarists kissing on stage like every concert now but ok)

Id def consider myself somewhere on the spectrum of the political left and I also think that one can (and should) read rammsteins appearance in their political songs in this context.

My point being: there are now a lot of people interested in rammstein who seem to actually have nothing in common with their world view? It just makes me really uncomfortable and I hope that once this is over they’ll loose their interest in the band again.

I’ve been to three rammstein concerts and one of Lindemanns shows - until now everything was ok and we met some nice people. (Even tho the Lindemann Show was a rather weird, unique experience in general but that’s sth different) .. all in all I’d say my (female passing) friends and I were having a good time and everything was ok.

But with all of this, with the chance that the amount of these kinds of really bad people being interested in rammstein and as a result maybe also attending the concerts is growing - I might be afraid of going to another one (if there will be another tour?) and no, not because of Till Lindemann.

Sorry for the late repsonse Anon! I was moving house!

In general, though, I share a lot of your concerns. Situations such as this one are tricky because what is ultimately the dealings between two people and their own feelings/experiences of the matter gets submitted to the greater public for their judgement. Politics, laws, personal morals and agendas all get dumped in one big pot to boil over and eventually fester. It is all very confusing...and then out pops something nasty. In this case, the misogynistic right wing.

Frankly, I am not surprised that the right-wing has found a little nest within the Rammstein fandom. I do not say that because I believe Rammstein harbours any sympathies with that ideology - I like you firmly believe them to be a left-leaning band - but simply because people's media literacy skills are in general....ah, how to say this politely?....ah yes, they are fuckin' shit.

Rammstein is a band that rewards those willing to look deeper; those who love satire and those who simply have a good sense of humour. Unfortunately, they also appeal to those who really like when things go BANG.

Now, I also like when things go bang, don't get me wrong - pure sensation can never be underrated in terms of art. However, its a matter of aesthetics versus text. A reasonable person would conclude that these can't be separated: their interaction, whether it be complimentary or contrasting, creates the meaning. In the case of Rammstein, however, there exists a neat line, formed due to the language barrier between the band and the general audience.

This barrier has benefitted Rammstein - I believe they would not have gotten so far if their content was in English, for instance, but it means there are too many who only see "the picture".

The hardness. The hypermasculinity. The violence. The sexual imagery. The stoicism. The evocation of fascism. And all without the crucial framing of the lyrics.

Even when the satire should be self-evident, many miss the cue. Take Links 234 as an example: a song which functions as a politically rally for the left, specifically against the right, and was constructed in response to a reactionary media who sought controversy and not understanding, has ended up as a right-wing marching song in many minds.

It is very frustrating

Even more frustrating is deciding how to deal with this....

Argue with every idiot you see on the internet? Now, that's a Sisyphean task.

Leave the fandom altogether? Well, that feels like a different kind of defeat.

Realistically speaking, there is no silver bullet. One decides what is best for themselves. Personally, I feel no fear participating in the fandom as a queer AFAB person. Reality is different from the online spaces and I have never felt uncomfortable at their concerts, and when online, the block button is a blessing. I have no idea how this recent controversy is going to change the demographic of the Rammstein fandom, but I know I ain't going to fuckin budge to leave space for some Nazi twat. All I can say is, I hope this situation is resolved quickly, and I hope all Nazis die in a fuckin' fire.

That is all.

[birdofmay]

hi i hope you r doing well I hope it’s ok to ask but i don’t know what support need/level I fit into could u help give any advice/insight?. I read over everything in your pinned but I’m still stuck bc I’m worried to label myself wrongly. can u help at all? I am open to any thoughts u have.. can u relate to my experience at all as a higher support autistic?

I feel like my sensory issue are severe and interfere w my ability to wear most clothes and just daily life stuff, I feel very overwhelmed and broken by change, struggle so much with driving that it’s dangerous, can struggle to process things and do it slowly, I am verbal but have loss episodes and in general barely talk bc social/communication issues,

very difficult to maintain and make relationships, I don’t know if I mask or not bc I feel like even if I were to try to I still seem autistic and mess it up despite some people telling they think I’m high functioning(but then turn around and tell me I’m r slur bc of my autism behaviors), I struggle with hygiene and eating drinking bc I don’t feel the cues or bc of executive dysfunction pain fatigue or sensory issues,

I have motor/pain/muscular issues (mobility worsening and affecting my ability to do things like go up stairs and walk) and I do occupational therapy and it does cause me to not be able to do certain things myself like wash/do my hair and Its a struggle to shower my body too, cannot exercise either bc of POTS

I can go in public but I do it with people bc the surroundings seem overwhelming, I do not have a job currently and I know it would be so hard on me but I am going to college and eventually will be forced to get one, struggle to use utensils to eat and struggle with tasks/instructions when not done right in front of me 1on1 like a million times, I have a lot of stims and a lot of harmful to myself ones, often info dumping about special interest

I can’t handle/fully understand money/taxes/bills, it’s hard for me to prepare meals, struggle to eat much bc of GI issues and jaw fatigue, do laundry, and manage chores, and manage medications, extreme issue with organization, learning disabled, get overwhelmed/meltdown/shutdown very easily

I’m not sure what else to add to take into consideration (can u give ideas) or how to tell which level and support need this fits as .. like I guess I’m not low support bc I do need help with BADLS as I mentioned but I I don’t know if it’s wrong of me to say I’m high support or medium support or a flux of both?.. and have no idea with “levels” I was dx with a level but feel like it’s incorrect .. and based on what I said which BADLS and IADLS do I need help with and how many is that? It’s confusing :(

Here's the relevant section of my FAQ post

"I don't know what support needs I'd be considered!"

Do you have care needs? No? Then you're not high support needs, you're most likely low or low-to-mid support needs.

My country re-assesses my support needs regularly; if you're medium or high support needs and weren't medically neglected your whole life, you'd normally know that you're medium or high support needs already, because that's tested (if you're not sure, check the documents). But testing is different from country to country.

Unless, of course, something happened recently that you now suddenly need a lot of help, definitely more than before. In this case there likely wasn't any testing yet. But in that case I can't help you either, because I don't test you.

Note because this still is a common misunderstanding: The DSM-5 says for example "Autism level 1: Requires support", but the support that's meant there has nothing to do with the support needs we're talking about in this and in the linked post. It's a little unfortunate that both say "support" because people always think it's the same when it really really isn't ☝🏼

I feel like you're mixing up autism levels and support needs still, because the first part of what you wrote (sensory issues, social stuff) is relevant for your level, but not for a support needs/care level assessment.

Maybe read the linked post and the support needs post (linked within the linked post) again but pay attention to the "Who determines if you're low, medium or high support needs (if you have support needs)?" post this time 🤔

Autism levels are given to you by professionals and not to be "guessed" - that's why I don't know what level I'd be considered (we don't have levels), and don't even further think about what level I'd be because I simply don't have a level. You can disagree with the level of course, but when talking about levels you then don't say "I'm level [guessed level]", but "I was diagnosed level [diagnosed level] but think I'm actually higher/lower".

Same goes for support needs. Not "I'm [guessed support needs]" but "I'm [assessed support needs]" or "I think I'm somewhat [guessed support needs]".

It's not a handy personality test self-categorization thing. It's something that's tested. By professionals. Only.

[graftisms]

BEACH HUT CONFESSIONALS 08: JOSHUA VARGAS DAY TWENTY-SEVEN

how are you feeling in your current couple ?

i’m feeling good, honestly. i know a lot of people don’t take jenny and i seriously because of my history with naomi and how quickly we got together, but if she hadn’t been around when all the naomi went down, i really don’t think i would’ve stayed in the villa. i’ve wanted to get to know her since she’s been in the villa, but i had to be true to my feelings for naomi first. and now that she’s out of the picture, i am focused on getting to know jenny better. our chemistry is insane, and every day i find myself liking her more and more. it could be a good thing for us both, i think. i just wish people would stop giving her shit for it. you don’t hear kangaroo boy getting flack for dumping rhys to jump ship, do you ?

is there anyone outside of your couple that you’re still chatting to ? do you think your head could be turned ?

i mean... i think naomi will always be someone that will have a hold on me. if she were to turn around and want to try to work things out... i wouldn’t be against it. but she’s made it perfectly clear that chapter is over, so no, there’s nobody else that i could see turning my head. i’m not looking for a new bombshell to come in either ;   i really want to give jenny the attention she deserves. 

what are your thoughts on the last recoupling ?   are there any couples that surprised you ?

romi and marcus staying coupled up despite being on a break was pretty surprising, i wasn’t expecting that one. i mean, other than romi’s clear interest in maddox’s body, i don’t know who else they could’ve even coupled up with, but it felt like a wrong move. especially after everything. otherwise not really. max being the only one who’d willingly choose dejan makes sense. it’s annoying them and seb and maddox can even still be around, since they’re clearly not serious about this thing.

did nana or kenny’s departures affect you at all ?   out of everyone left, who would you be most upset to see go home next ?

i was glad to see nana go, to be honest. i’ve honestly had nothing against her this whole time, and for a minute there i thought we were friends... but by the end she did nothing but shit on me and everyone who was taking relationships here seriously, so i’m not exactly missing her. she wasn’t going to find a real thing here anyway, it’s not like she had prospects. 

the obvious answer is jenny. i’d hate to see her go after finally getting a real shot with her. but rhys and romi would kill me too, since they’re my closest friends here. marcus too, though i still don’t really know what to make about him kissing naomi. naomi... i don’t know. it’d be easier if she left, save me a lot of fucking confusion. but i don’t love the idea of seeing her leave either. pretty pathetic, i know. 

a lot happened at the cowboys and aliens party. what were the highlights of the night for you ?

other than romi screwing maddox ?   uh, the whole spin the bottle kiss with naomi was pretty weird. not weird, just... it was stupid. just like running into her in the bathroom later that night. i blame the alcohol and having to kiss her for acting so crazy. i just wanted her to admit that she actually still gave a shit about us, even though her words and actions are all saying otherwise. i don’t know. like i said, i regret it. jenny didn’t give me too much shit for it, but seeing her with max immediately after the game... it just made me realize that i can’t half-ass being with her, even if it is still new. i don’t want to lose her to anyone, especially not a timothee chalamet looking twerp. 

which couple do you think has the best chances of lasting to the next recoupling ?

i’m confident in jenny and i. she’s given me no reason to doubt her, and like i said, i’m not looking anywhere else for the time being. i doubt naomi is going to let go of that guy any time soon, considering what she’s playing for, and frankie and callie seem to be all over each other. otherwise i have no idea. rhys seems happen with bash, but do i think it will last, knowing his track record ?   it’s questionable. i’d like to see romi and marcus last through whatever hump they’re going through, but romi was just talking about coupling up with maddox, so who knows. everything moves so fast in here.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No because the character design >>>> I also LOVE KIJA SHSHSJSHS man I miss yotd….

Also OMG CHERRY TREE PT 2 commentary after I finish replying

OOOOH omg a long series for bllk…(we all chant KARASU TABITO in the background…) but omg yeah I can only imagine the amount of research needed for hollyhock’s setting shsgshsb

Omg waittt zantetsu switch up?? Ok but I mean if you still want to write for Karasu…I’m always ready for a brainstorming thought dump session….only if you want though LOL

HOLELDHDS SHIT THE BAROU ONE??? Ok im ngl the chokehold that edits to that song have on me….idk why something about the beat and “melody” ushsjshsj also LMAOO THE WOMANIZER ONE classic Otoya edit…ok but the nagi ones are fire and I can also see why you were converted by that rin one…

Ok but if you have any especially fire Karasu ones don’t be shy…I almost never see edits of him it’s so sad

LMAOOO if you ever write that you NEED to add that line in there it’s so perfect (Karasu and Yukimiya trying to protect the girl at first is so real and so cute I can only imagine the rollercoaster ride of mishaps that would happen in this story LMAO)

LMAOOO BAROUISM SO REAL THOUGH?? Yes fortunately he’s basically locked in for the rest of the series!! Excited to see him again soon after the PxG match!! Also curious by what role he’ll play in the current epinagi match too! But omg wait nagi Barou and Karasu all together epinagi said welcome to the miraverse

Ok COMMENTARY: RAGAHHDH THAT WAS SO GOOD lowk you do a really good job of like developing stories and plots that when I read it I didn’t even feel like it was “short” or shorter than fwtkac…like just perfectly paced *chefs kiss*

Also 1) SEABIRD Y/N MENTION LMAOOOOOOO 2) omg stalker Rin was lowk so funny he really said “yeah idk what to say so I’ll just follow you silently like a creep” DHHSSHSH I also love how the roles kinda flip and Rin now has to wait for y/n…also the trees THE TREES >>>>> tree imagery and hidden messages my fav I also love awk but mature Rin like it’s still clumsy soccer nerd Rin but the development is there!!!

Another Mira banger excited for whatever’s next!!

- Karasu anon

i wouldn’t say kija is a top fav (shinah and hak are my beloveds) but i’ve seen some GORG fanart of him so i def see the vision there ☝🏻

cherry tree part two 🥹 i wanted it to be a surprise because i never mentioned working on it but LMAOO it was so funny i saw that rin edit WHILE WRITING WILLOW TREE so it was like a double whammy dose of itoshi broism that made it even worse 😭

tbh as much as there’s so many characters i want to write a long fic for it’s only the ones i DON’T like as much that i get ideas for 😭 like i got the idea for hollyhock while trying to come up with something for NAGI so we’ll see what happens and who ends up inspiring me but it’ll definitely be a surprise…honestly i think i need to pick the au first and THEN decide which character feels natural in it instead of vice versa if that makes sense

LMAO i will hold off for now but if that changes i will let you know!! i’m sure i’ll come up w something because i lowkey have no zantetsu ideas sooo…dumb characters as much as i love them are not my favs to write as love interests because i would simply never fall for a dumb guy irl so it breaks my immersion while writing somehow 😭

THE BAROU ONEEEEE it fits him so well too somehow!! hehe nagi edits are always so good because he has so many scenes in season one plus soooo many fire manga panels that editors have a LOT of material to work with!! and otoya LMAOAO he’s so goofy i love him (surprisingly not aiku though…idk why i can get behind eita but not aiku even though both are cheaters?? like looks aside ofc 😭 maybe it’s because we actively see aiku being weird in the manga whereas it’s only referenced in the egoist bible for otoya so it doesn’t feel as in your face)

OKAYYY tbh there’s not a lot of variety in karasu/otoya edits because they don’t really have any anime scenes yet but here are some i have saved!! fair warning you might’ve already seen these because like you said there’s not much out there for them…

karasu + otoya

karasu

karasu + barou 🤩🤤

you didn’t ask for him but YUKIMIYA

otoya edit using his 0.02 seconds of anime screentime

EASILY the most famous barou edit it has over one million likes and almost twelve million views so you’ve almost definitely seen it but i’m including it anyways because barou…lowkey flash warning though LOL

NO BECAUSE IT’S SO GOOD like the worst man she’s met (oliver aiku) taking her under his wing and teaching her how to be a player meanwhile karasu and yukimiya are yelling at otoya to leave this poor innocent girl alone and otoya is just like “wow…y/n has beautiful eyes…” too chaotic fr

BAROUISM FOR LIFE i’ve liked him since i first watched the show but he was typically overshadowed by me loving nagi and then later karasu so it’s only fair he gets his chance in the spotlight 🤩 omg but also the way nagi is the only hair gel free man in the miraverse top three LMAOAOA he’s holding down the fort fr 😩🙏🏻 needs to impart some wisdom to karasu and barou af

OMG YAYYY I WAS WORRIED IT WOULD BE TOO SHORT although tbh i don’t worry too much abt word count with sequels because like the main story is long enough…okay lowkey secret fact i hope i don’t keep getting a ton of pt2 requests because i love leaving stories open ended and doing a pt2 takes away from that 😩 like that’s why i don’t want to write a pt2 for white butterfly even though multiple people have hinted at wanting one LMAOAAO i just think it ended in a place where expanding it would feel like i was mansplaining to my readers almost 😭 i def think that’s a personal preference too a bit because i personally love reading open endings like they’re so good at making you think and leaving the story on your mind…tbh the impact of an open ending is UNMATCHED it doesn’t have the same vibe when the ending is like fully written out idk if that makes sense ANYWAYS rant over back to commentary!!

LMAOOOO SEABIRD Y/N MENTION FR sae finally put a ring on it ‼️ yk that was the most chaotic proposal ever too 😭 i just thought it would be funny to connect the two stories since there’s nothing rlly saying they CAN’T be connected plus since bllk did kinda vaguely and probably exist in cherry tree (y/n doesn’t go to japan until her freshman year of college so like 18 years old?? and rin would’ve just turned 19 because september birthday so it’s three years after bllk began which is why he isn’t on lockdown) it’s hilarious to imagine like rin being all emo and needing to destroy sae or he’ll die and giving these long ass dramatic monologues abt how sae is his ultimate goal meanwhile sae is just eating sandwiches on the beach with his gf

STALKER RIN MY KING i wanted to show that no matter how much more mature he is it’s still the same awkward fumbling soccer loser rin we all know and many love 😭 like bro has no clue what he’s doing he left his country with a university name, nagi’s sweatshirts, and a dream 😩🙏🏻 and somehow it worked out for him but like imagine y/n transferred or graduated early or smth HAHAA he would’ve been cooked 😰

i’m glad you liked it 😄 hehe i had fun writing it this was def one where i didn’t mind the part two it was very cutesy and enjoyable to do 😫 i have nine requests on my list that i need to finish up so it’ll be something from there ig!! not sure which req i’m going to do first 🤔 there’s a couple that are the same vibe as the isagi ones where i could def finish them in 1-2k words so i might try to get those out of the way first just so they’re out there and i feel productive!!

[moss-and-marimos]

and here's the lore dump, since im assuming your answer to the previous ask was "yes" (actually, this is lore dump part 1, and is pretty much just about her early childhood, family, and the town she grew up in):

so, let's start out with the basics: Cynthia LaFloren is a half-elf, born in a backwater farming town with a name i havent thought of but its probably smth really vanilla and vaguely european (currently liking Wyndellwood), to Elfmom LaFloren and Humandad Lastname (both placeholder names)

so the thing about elves is, they live a long time. half-elves? not as much. cynthia grew up in a society built by and for people who live over 3 times as long as she does, and who age 5x slower than she does. the elves born in the same year as her would still be in diapers, learning how to walk by the time she's already enrolled in magic school at age 8 or 9.

this, as you can imagine, is extremely alienating. she literally outgrows her friends within the space of a year.

Elfmom realized very early into raising cynthia that she was going to outlive this child, and it fucked her up quite a bit. as a result, she alternated between being very warm and loving, almost to the point of being smothering (making the most of the time they do have), and being cold and distant (trying to avoid getting attached and spare herself the future pain of losing her daughter)

so. uh. yeah. mommy issues pogchamp!!!1!

also, cynthia has a sister she's never met: Dazel LaFloren, full elf, who'd already grown up and moved out to a city called Cithril before cynthia was even born. Dazel wrote home every couple months, but never came back to visit, and works as an archivist's assistant.

(this is actually a fun little in-joke for me- dazel lafloren was a wizard character i made and never used years ago, and when making cynthia i used that original name and concept as a starting point, and it seemed fitting to include her in cynthia's story.)

Humandad is an involved parent, and does care about cynthia a lot, but struggles to relate to or connect with her in any meaningful way. (he spends a lot of time out of town anyways, doing trade and working in the fields and whatnot)

so yeah. cynthia grows up too fast (in terms of elf society, anyways), and almost entirely isolated from her community due to it. she hears stories of the White Consuls, thirteen wizards who are incredibly magically powerful, and are revered as national heroes because of it, and thinks, i want that. she hears stories about her sister, from her mother and from the other elves in the community, fondly reminiscing about the shenanigans dazel would get up to, and how proud they are of her for training in magic at the Cithril monastery, even if she did drop out, and thinks, i want that. she sees Elfmom (an Exclave elf to her core) highly revering magic and those who practice it, and thinks, i can be that.

And so, at age 8 or 9, when she has the chance to enroll as a student at the Kabar Taj monastery, to leave her family and her home behind and learn magic and possibly be apprenticed under a White Consul, maybe even become one one day? she takes it with pretty much zero hesitation, regardless of how dangerous it is.

Oihgggghhhg you have no idea how much I like this, the combination over attachment and cold indifference from her mom makes me foam at the mouth, I was hoping you would do something with the aging thing, it’s one of my favorite things about half elves and in one of my dnd places I’ve made that is a hybrid city there’s a section specifically for half elves who have nowhere else to go because of not fitting in with humans or elves, so obviously I’m a fan djsbdjh

That makes a ton of sense though with the aspiring to be a powerful magic person, like your whole life you’re ostracized, and this is the one way maybe you wouldn’t be looked down upon, but you don’t fit in there either it’s so aaaaagaggahdhdhrhrhgh

I do really like the name wyndellwood and the filler names for the parents are very funny to me, and I love the callback to an older character of yours I love when people do that sort of thing

[polyamorouspunk]

Anon from the really long post, first off, thank you for your comments, its nice to hear other perspectives on it. And you absolutely dont have to respond anymore if you dont want to, I know its kinda a heavy-ish topic.

Like I said, I’m not necessarily waiting for him or ‘planning’ on dating him once he is single. But I certainly have feelings for him and if we do happen to both be single at the right time, I certainly wouldnt say no to dating him. Though I suppose I can’t speak for him on the matter. We really haven’t spoken in depth about our feelings on the matter since his first confession. But because we are really good friends, I am also kept very up to date on his current relationship and his planned timelines for getting out of it and all that

I also feel the need to clarify (not that it actually changes things). His current girlfriend hated me LONG before any of this. And she will probably hate me long after. We had actually been on decent terms and I invited her over my campus house once during a party where I confided in her about my feelings for him. And then a month later she started dating him and acting like she had no idea. Then she really blew up when I called her crazy after she trapped him in her room for a few hours the first time they broke up when he tried to collect his belongings. After they had gotten back together again, there was a good 2 month where he wasn’t allowed to talk to any female friends, self included.

That’s fair, but it does seem like he’s planning on dating you from what he’s said. And that’s okay.

I can understand wanting to make someone whose dumped you’s life a living hell. I’m not saying it’s right or that I would but I would be lying if I said I haven’t texted my friends being like “yeah if my ex ended up dead in a ditch I wouldn’t care”. If *I* still had to see my ex after they dumped me they would be getting death glares and shit said behind their back from me. There was a time when I was seriously unhealthy I might have gone off the rails enough to lock someone in a room. My mom spent months locking her bedroom door at night because she thought I was going to kill her in her sleep. I know what it’s like to be extremely jealous and unhinged. So like I get her side. I really do. I don’t support or condone it but I’ve been in a spot where I would have done the exact same shit she’s done, and I would have blown up at you if you had called me crazy too.

I don’t think I’ve hated any of my ex’s friends except when THEY went crazy on him. I mean he literally hid me from them because he was afraid they would freak out and finally they did and ended up bullying him so he came crying to me and while he forgave them *I* did not. But overall I want to be supportive of my partners having friends but also I have bpd meaning that if my partner is hanging out with friends outside of me I’m going to feel really insecure. I’d like to think I’d just handle it like an adult and suffer through it silently while venting and crying to my other friends with bpd about it but honestly who knows. My ex didn’t have a lot of friends and I’m sure he’ll tell you it’s because of me but I also introduced him to all of my friends and connected him to people who he could talk to outside of me when he needed people to relate to and I couldn’t.

I’m not going to armchair diagnose her but I see a lot of my younger self in the things you say about her which leads me to think she probably has some sort of personality disorder. I can’t sit here and judge someone’s actions when I know that it could very easily be me, but I can say “I don’t condone it or my past actions either”.

Do what you want. Don’t let others talk you out of what you want. I know people are going to say “wait a bit” but I’ve never seen the sense in waiting unless you or the other person aren’t feeling ready. If you both feel ready then go for it if you want if it comes up. Things happen at their own speed, though. Don’t force it if it doesn’t feel natural.

And here’s Eev’s response to your ask:

[lialacleaf]

The Spartan and His Pyro- Confession Part 3 - Master Chief X OC

Warnings: Kissing

you can find parts 1-3 on my master list

There were always two things present in his dreams. The blood of his enemies and friends, and the ocean. He must have lived near the beach as a child because he always found the waves soothing.

However, his dreams as of late had been…different. There was no Ocean, no waves crashing against the shore, and no sand between his toes. 

Just the color red. Sometimes it was rooted in the desire to run his fingers through her brightly colored hair. Others it was her blood seeping onto his hands on the battlefield. 

The Master Chief wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do to suppress these dreams, or the desires they stemmed from for that matter. He had almost told her on numerous occasions since they’d discussed her feelings. Her feelings for another man. 

He tried not to take it personally, telling himself that she wasn’t rejecting him. There was nothing to reject, considering he hadn’t made his feelings known, but it didn’t make it sting any less. 

Sometimes he wondered if she’d ever taken his advice and written her letter. It felt wrong to ask her, considering he was still hoping she hadn’t deep down. 

They hadn’t seen much of each other in private since the discussion. John had made himself busy. Planning new strategies for the front lines, implementing new things into Blue Teams' training regimen. 

He’d been getting more gym time in than he had in a long while, and Kelly had commented that he practically lived there now. 

All these things were merely temporary distractions. Eventually, he’d run out of things to do, ways to hide, and he’d have to face it. His unrequited attraction to one of his own teammates. 

His eyes settled on the redhead who had become so unwittingly problematic as she and Linda wrestled on the training mats, a fight she was losing very quickly. 

Despite being squished under Linda’s weight, she had a broad grin on her face as she jabbed the Spartans in the ribs. John shook his head, chuckling softly at her. Catherine deserved to be happy. Even if he was miserable. 

~

The repeated clicking of a pen was beginning to get on Linda’s nerves. She supposed she should have thought through the offer to provide assistance with Catherine’s meditation. It had quickly turned into the auburn-haired Spartan listening to Catherine dump all the tangled, messy feelings out of her mind, and sifting through it for some semblance of sense. 

“What exactly are you trying to write?” Linda asked as she sat on her plush, purple rug after what had actually been a successful, quiet session. 

Catherine bit her lip, glancing up from the piece of paper in her hands. Exactly how much did she want Linda to know about her current situation? The last thing she wanted was for the entire team to know something was up, especially if this letter only proved to make things tense between herself and the Chief. 

“Myself,” she supplied, a sigh escaping her lips. 

“Now there’s a difficult task.” Catherine offered the Spartan a flat glare, and watched as what was almost a smile tugged at her lips. “I thought you were supposed to be the master of self-expression.” 

Catherine laughed bitterly. “Apparently what I’m not good at is toning that expression down.” 

Linda cocked her head curiously to the side. “How is that beneficial?” 

Catherine rolled her eyes, running her palms over her face. “I’d rather not scare him off.” The pyro watched as Linda’s brows shot up in surprise. 

“You're going to give it to him?” She asked. 

“It was his idea, of course, he doesn’t know he’s the one getting the letter of course…maybe this isn't such a good idea…”

Catherine watched as Linda opened her mouth before closing it again. She’d noticed John’s demeanor had seemed to wilt in her presence as of late. He hadn’t come to talk to her about it, and so she’d given him the privacy to sort things out on his own. 

Linda let out an annoyed sigh. She didn’t like being in the middle of things. It seemed it had occurred now as a result of her teammates being unwilling to bare themselves to each other, and now she was left playing middle man. 

“Give him the letter.”

“But what if it causes prob-“

“Give him the damn letter, Catherine.” It was as close to snapping at her as Linda had ever come, and Catherine blinked in surprise. 

“I…alright,” Linda’s piercing gaze made her swallow thickly. “I will!” She defended at the doubtful look in the Spartan’s eyes, and Linda nodded in approval. 

~

He was secluded in a private office space when she finally found him. Catherine had fiddled with the paper in her hand so much so that it had become rumpled, appearing just as frazzled as she herself was. 

He was watching the HUD feed from one of their previous missions, replaying a loop of footage of an unfamiliar alien script they’d discovered. 

“Find anything interesting?” She asked, taking a seat across from him.

His eyes flicked up to her momentarily before returning to the holo computer built into the table. “No, I’ve run this against all the data we have on covenant and Forerunner linguistics. It doesn’t match up.” He stated. 

“Maybe you should take a break? Look at something else for a moment,” she suggested. 

“I’m putting in a request with the captain for Blue Team to deliver a copy to Thel Vadum on Sanghelios. He might know something about the-“ The Spartan paused as his eyes settled on the piece of paper in her hands. “Is that…it?” He asked in the most neutral tone he could muster. 

Catherine nodded, her face feeling warmer by the second, and the Spartan felt his stomach drop when she held it out to him. 

He looked down at the innocent but offending piece of paper, before looking back at her. She wanted him to read it? 

“I’d rather not,” he stated firmly. 

What? “But…but it was your idea,” she said pointedly. 

The Chief drummed his fingers against the table as a mild feeling of irritation settled in his gut. He’d done the nice guy thing. He’s been supportive even though he hadn’t wanted to be. Was this really how Karma was going to repay him?

“This is a private matter. I don’t need a front-row seat,” he said with a shrug, turning off the computer screen as he stood from his seat. 

Catherine felt her jaw go slack, and her grip on the letter faltered. Was he rejecting her? Was that what this was? He’d been all for the idea, his idea, before. 

Catherine let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose as her brow ticked, her temper flaring along with her embarrassment. 

“Ok. What the actual Hell?” She snapped, stopping the Master Chief in his tracks. 

“Excuse me?”

“Absolutely not. This was your damn idea! I’m trying to be transparent for once, something you’re constantly telling me I can be with you, and you're just brushing me off!” 

The Chief felt his jaw tighten as her voice raised an octave. He couldn’t blame her really. She didn’t realize what exactly she was asking him to do. But it still stung. 

“I’m not brushing it off. I’m setting boundaries. It’s for the best,” he argued. 

Catherine’s shocked expression quickly turned rageful as she glowered at him, and John noticed the lights above him flicker. “Boundaries?” She seethed, and the smell of something burning wafted through the air. “You’ve never been very concerned with boundaries before.”

He hadn’t needed to protect himself before. How was he supposed to explain that to her? Would it hurt her if he did? That he couldn’t read her letter and simply be happy for her? “I just want what’s best for you.” 

Catherine’s reaction was something he couldn’t quite describe. Anger, hurt, and frustration simmered in her eyes, accompanied by complete disbelief as something seemed to finally snap. 

The sound of glass breaking overhead drew his attention to the electrical fire brewing in reaction to Catherine’s emotions overhead, before his eyes settled back on her form just in time to see her slam the letter on the table surface and walk out, steam wafting from her clenched fists. 

~

The Master Chief hadn’t bothered to go to the mess for dinner. He’d also skipped out on going to the gym, or any other place it was likely he would run in with Catherine after she had quite literally blown a fuse. 

With nowhere else to go, he’d found himself sitting in the hanger of the Infinity, Catherine’s letter folded neatly in his pocket. It wouldn’t have been right to just leave it for a stranger. 

His eyes watched the colors of slipspace fly by through the large bay windows. A soft laugh to his left drew his attention to a familiar pair, and the Chief’s eyes landed on Cassandra and Horace tucked behind a wall of crates. 

The pair had seated themselves atop one of the bigger crates, their legs swinging back and forth as Horace’s jacket was slung around Cassandra’s shoulders. 

Catherine would have disappeared under one of his jackets. She probably could have used his sweatshirt as a makeshift tent. The thought brought a real, genuine smile to his face for a moment, before a frown replaced it. 

She’d asked him for support, and he’d thrown it in her face all because he knew he’d be jealous. He didn’t want her to miss out on having what Cassandra and Horace had. 

With a deep sigh, he shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper, mentally preparing himself. Making sacrifices was his job. It was nothing new. He had sacrificed his feelings for the people he cared about before, he could do it again for Catherine. 

When he opened the letter, he was surprised by how short it was. He had expected her to ramble for at least half the page. Instead, there were a few simple lines written. 

I’ve never been good at being vulnerable with people. But I don’t feel like I have to hide from you. John, seeing you every day is like coming home. 

~

The punching bag didn’t stand a chance. Her fists tore into it so fast that the skin on her hands began to break and bleed. 

How could he be so callous? Did he even care that he’d more or less stomped on her heart like a bug? Did he care about anything? Was he even capable? 

Catherine slowed her blows down until she leaned against the bag, breathing heavily. No, he did care. Apparently just not for her in that way. 

Sweat dripped down her forehead and off her chin, mixing with the tears that began to leak from her eyes as well. 

She was glad the gym was empty, or at least she thought it was until a familiar pair of combat boots entered her sights. 

“Go away.” 

She waited patiently for him to leave, however, he did quite the opposite. A large hand settled atop her shoulder, pushing her back flush against the punching bag. 

She refused to look him in the eye, keeping her eyes trained on his chest where 117 was printed in the corner of his shirt. 

“You left out some important information about that letter,” he said, his thumb gently caressing the base of her neck up to her chin as he leaned her head back, her eyes finally meeting his clear blue ones. 

His eyes roved over her face, taking in the tear streaks in the film of sweat on her face. Catherine was very aware of how close he was. In fact, half a step later, he was even closer, his hand cradling her jaw. 

“You left out the fact that it was about me.” 

Her cheeks had flushed a deep shade of red, and she felt the heat radiating off him. “Who the hell else would it have been about?” Her voice sounded far too breathy, and she cleared her throat. “Why would I give you a letter for someone else?”

“I don’t know,” his nose was mere inches from hers. “But I thought you did. It hurt.” 

She didn’t know what to say, her heart beating rapidly as if it were about to explode. “I never…I didn’t mean to-“

His thumb ran gently across her bottom lip, and every thought in her mind sputtered to a halt. “I know.” His nose bumped hers, and Catherine felt her jaw go slack. “I’ve never done this before,” he began, voice dropping an octave. “I like your hair, and your voice. I like that you do things…unconventionally. And I like it when your face gets red…like right now.” 

He could only hope he was saying the right things. The wide-eyed stare she was giving him had him wondering if he’d pushed too far. “Do you still want me to leave?” He asked. A vulnerable question, one that he was fully prepared to respect the answer to. 

She stared at him with those wide green eyes, her mouth gaping open like a fish until a resolve seemed to settle over her features. Her slender hand reached up to cup his cheek, as her thumb ran over the scar on his top lip. 

His eyes settled on her torn-up knuckles, and a frown settled on her face. “What did you do to yourself?” The Chief murmured. “This needs to be cleaned-“

“You’re not gonna kiss me first?” 

John blinked in surprise, his eyes darting back to her face. It took all of two seconds for him to come to a decision before his hands were threaded in her hair, and his mouth was on hers.

She had to stand on her toes even as the Spartan bent over, but that was the last thing on her mind as his hand engulfed her waist. 

She tasted like sweat, and a touch of salt from the tears that had been leaking out of her eyes, but he didn’t care. She was there, real and solid and soft in his grasp. 

He didn’t pull away until her chest began to heave from the lack of air, but he didn’t go far, his mouth leaving a trail of kisses on her sweaty skin from her jaw to her ear, burying his nose in her hair. Her smell was the most comforting, yet alluring thing he’d ever experienced. The sweat soaking into her hair gave it a sweet, yet salty smell. It reminded him of the way the wind smelled when it came off the ocean. 

“Catherine,” he murmured as she breathed heavily, her hands fisted in the material of his shirt. “You smell like home.”

[rebeccccccaaa]

ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ _____________________

ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’s!ʙᴇsᴛ!ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs ᴀᴜ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You and Buck have always been close growing up but you two soon learn that the line that separates friendly and flirting is a lot thinner than you think.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: fluff, slight angst bc u got a shit bf, big bro vibes from bucky, smut duh [18+ minors dni (slight praise but also slight degradation, marking, belly bulge, squirting, fem!rec oral, unprotected sex, plz be safe irl, slight choking, pet names: darling&princess, i think that’s it lmk plz)]

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey assholes i'm back for the time being lol. I have a few ideas and fics I'm currently writing right now so do not fret.

______________________________________

You knew this was a horrible idea. 

It’s Saturday night and you and your boyfriend were back in another night club after being kicked out from one just hours before. Daniel had gotten too drunk, as he always does, causing you to kindly ask the bartender to cut him off. Daniel didn’t take that too lightly resulting in a gnarly swing at the poor guy just doing his job. 

Security threw you out and Daniel called an Uber to go where you thought was going to be your apartment but twenty minutes later you pulled up to another club practically on the other side of town. You yelled at Daniel but he pushed aside stumbling inside for yet even more drinks and mistakes waiting for him inside. 

You sat at the bar simply drinking some water and snacking on some peanuts keeping your eye on your garbage boyfriend. You're constantly checking the time on your phone, annoyed with every passing minute. It was 2 am and you just wanted to go home and sleep. You were even debating texting your brother Steve hoping you could just crash at his place not too far from where you were but it would be incredibly irresponsible to just leave Daniel in the state he’s in. 

So you waited and waited and waited. Your eyelids felt heavy and your energy was just completely drained. You were basically a zombie. It wasn’t until a guy approached your half asleep body that you felt a sense of alert. Daniel was shit-faced so you were practically defenseless. 

“Hey,” the guy shouted over the music.

“Sorry, I’m not interested. My boyfriend’s-” you quickly said, only to be cut off.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hit on you. I’ve got a boyfriend of my own,” he chuckled, making you breathe out in relief. 

“Sorry,” you cringed at yourself. 

“It’s alright; but uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You might want to check with your boyfriend,” he said sympathetically. 

You pushed your way through the crowd scanning every face in search of Daniel. What did he do? Is he hurt? Did he get in trouble again? Is he getting arrested? Where is he-

“Daniel?” you said eyes tearing up a bit. 

His arms were wrapped around another girl’s waist as he kissed her the way he kissed you. She practically moaned as their tongues slobbered disgustingly with each other. Their hips grinding against each other proactively as if you weren’t even there. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to rage, gripping Daniel’s short hairs and pulling his head away from whoever this girl was. 

“What the fuck?” the girl complained, her eyes completely bloodshot. 

“Did he tell you that he was here with his girlfriend tonight?” you're sad with gritted teeth. Daniel stumbled around still unable to register what the hell was happening. 

“Oh my god, you forreal?” she said.

“Who fucking cares? She’s a prude anyway. I got more action with you than I did her in the past, what, six months?” Daniel slurred. 

“You know what, you’re a fucking prick, dude. She deserves so much better than you; I bet your dick is small anyway,” the girl said.

“Fuck you too bitch,” Daniel spit. 

“I can’t believe you,” you said. 

“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, big fucking surprise. Babe, you’re a prude. Can’t you see it? I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you anymore,” he practically puked out the words without any second thought. 

“Fine, then I hope you enjoy the rest of your night, you fucking asshole,” you stormed away holding in the tears; he wasn’t worth it. 

Almost three am and you just dumped your cheating lowlife boyfriend on the other side of town. Steve wasn’t answering his phone and you even wanna be near the club anymore. Walking speedily staring at your screen desperate to call an Uber home, you bumped harshly into a hard chest falling to the ground on your bum. 

“Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, darling,” the man said helping you up by your elbows.

“It’s ok. I wasn’t looking- Bucky?” 

“Oh, hey kid. What are you doing? It’s like three in the morning and you don’t live anywhere near here,” Bucky said, crossing his arms. 

“Daniel got himself kicked from the one by our apartment and Ubered here instead.”

“So where’s Daniel?” Bucky scowled; he’s always hated that guy, so did Steve.

“Probably fucking some other chick in the bathroom,” your voice cracked. 

“What?”

“It’s nothing; I just want to go home,” you cried.

“Hey, it’s ok; it’s ok. Do you wanna crash at me and Steve’s? He’s gone for the weekend with Peggy; you can stay in his room at least for the night,” Bucky offered; so that’s why Steve’s not answering his phone. 

“I don’t wanna intrude on your night. I can just call an Uber, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Steve’ll kill me if he found out I left his baby sis alone in the streets of New York at three in the morning. It’s not a problem, we were just bar hopping and I stopped drinking ages ago.”

“Are you sure, Buck?”

“Of course,” he smiled warmly at you. 

“Hey, Nat!”

“What’s up?” a beautiful redhead approached you both.

“Gonna head home ; don’t do anything stupid,” he chuckled. 

“You too,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Catch you Monday?” 

“You’re stupid. I’ll see ya,” Bucky laughed before grabbing your hand and headed towards his apartment. 

“Thanks again, Buck. For letting me stay here tonight,” you said once you entered his apartment. 

It had been a while since you hung out at your brother’s apartment but nothing’s changed. Typical men and their inability to change even a throw pillow. You set your small bag on the couch before Bucky led you to Steve’s room. There were pictures of you and him posing at Steve’s graduation; and later your own. Pictures of Steve and Bucky at a theme park, during a bar-be-que for Steve’s birthday. So many memories that Steve held onto in his room. 

“Time really flies doesn’t it?” Bucky said, slightly startling you.

“Sorry,” he chuckled.

“No, you’re fine. But you’re right. Feels all these pictures were taken yesterday,” you reminisced. 

“I got you some clothes if you need to change; I’ll give you privacy,” Bucky said, slipping from the room briskly. 

You sat on the bed frustrated with everything. Your body was so drained from being up so early in the night, to the fight with Daniel. The past couple months with him were so awful. He was just so mean to you all the time and you didn’t know what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong? When did things shift?

"Is everything ok, darling?" Bucky asked quietly, knocking on the door when you hadn't come out after a while.

"What did I do wrong? I thought he loved me," you choked out. 

Bucky sighed as he walked over to the bed sitting beside you before engulfing you in a warm hug. You cried into his shoulder and Bucky couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside him for your excuse of a boyfriend Daniel. He never got along with the guy and now he finally has a reason to knock his teeth in.

"You didn't do anything, I know it. That prick wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. It's his loss. You deserve so much better than that asshole. Look at me, you're so beautiful and funny and fucking adorable; any guy who can't see how perfect you are, is a dense piece of shit." 

"James," you whispered. 

His words made your heart skip and your stomach flutter. But Bucky’s always had that effect on you. Even growing up. You weren’t going to sit there and pretend that hearing his words hadn't had a deeper effect than they would’ve coming from Daniel. Sometimes you wondered what being with Bucky would be like. You’re not the first to admit how handsome Bucky was and growing up you did have quite the crush on your brother’s best friend.  

You don't know what it was, whether it was the alcohol still swimming through your veins, or just feeling so vulnerable being in Bucky's arms but you wanted him badly. You needed him, needed to feel something again. And you knew he could give it to you. You pressed your lips to his and in an instant his hands dropped to your hips pulling you impossibly close against his body. Your hands went to the back of his head as you kissed him messily. Your noses bumped and teeth clashed but it was the best kiss you’ve ever had. 

“Fuck, your brother’s gonna kill me,” Bucky mumbled, almost to himself, as he slowly laid you down on your back.

Bucky’s hands trailed up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh every now and then as he continued kissing you passionately. Your own hands couldn’t help but tug at his shirt desperately. When he did so, your breath was completely taken away. It had been years since you’d seen Bucky without a shirt. 

Not only had he been quite skinny just like your brother back then, but not long after leaving for college with Steve he was in a bike accident that left him with ghastly scars and burns along his left arm and shoulder. Since then, it’s fair to say Bucky never really ever took his shirt off. It had taken years just for him to remove the glove he’d always wear to cover the scars on his hand.

“You’ve gotten so strong, James,” you grinned, reaching out to brush the flexed muscles running down his front. 

He simply stared at you with an anticipating and anxious expression on his face, waiting for you to state the obvious. When you didn’t, when you pulled his head down to kiss him once again, he almost cried. Bucky hadn’t been with a woman in so long, afraid of this very moment. He knew at that moment, there was no one quite like you. 

Bucky fell in love. 

“Let me take care of you, darling. You’ve been so good to me,” Bucky whispered huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand under your own shirt brushing his fingertips along the underside of your breast.

His lips pressed softly against your hot skin along your neck before standing up between your legs at the end of the bed. He pulled your shirt off then played cheekily with the straps of your bra that you still had on. You smiled back at him with the same playful stare, reaching behind you to unclasp the material. 

You could see the way Bucky’s eyes darken and his pupils widened as he stared in awe at your naked chest. Your skin bursted into chills under his hungry gaze even though you felt like you were burning up. Bucky leaned forward kissing down the valley of your breasts, nipping once in a while playfully before laying you back down. He shimmied you out of your bottoms easily, kneeling on the ground leaving you completely bare before him. 

“You are absolutely stunning, princess,” Bucky whispered, running his hands up your thighs slowly. 

“Bucky, please. I need you,” you whimpered. 

“Don’t worry, darling. I promise I’m gonna take good care of you,” he smirked devilishly. 

He pushed your knees open, eyeing the arousal that glistened between your thighs. He brought his fingers up to you slowly rubbing your slick around before finally pushing a thick and long finger past your folds. Your body shuddered solely at the foreign but pleasurable feeling, already moaning softly. 

Bucky’s cock strained through pants upon hearing your beautiful moans; they were like music to his ears. He couldn’t help the way his hips would buck into the mattress in a desperate attempt to relieve some pain from his erection. Soon after he pulled his fingers from you slowly only to thrust them further in you, curling his fingers just right. 

He brought his mouth down to you, wrapping his lips around your clit sucking harshly. You gasped and your back arched, overwhelmed with pleasure Bucky was giving you with just his mouth and fingers. All the times that you’d given yourself to your ex, he had never made you feel this good before, feel this full; let alone with his fingers. Bucky was taking his time with you solely for your own pleasure and it made your heart swoon. 

Your legs trapped Bucky’s head between your thighs, squeezing as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Your hands went to his hair pulling on his dark locks causing Bucky to moan deeply against you. You were so close to a release; your legs shaking violently and your stomach tightening. 

“Come on, princess. Want you to come all over my face. Can you do that for me, darling?”

“Fuck!”

“Be a good girl and make a mess,” Bucky teased.

His fingers moved faster as he swirled his tongue around and over your clit just as quickly. You were becoming overwhelmed and that coil bursted in the pit of your stomach. You pushed Bucky’s face from you, shrieking with pure pleasure; Bucky’s kept the rapid pace with fingers as you fell over the edge.

“Fucking hell, that was so hot, princess,” Bucky said standing up; his fingers, arm, his chest was covered in your arousal. 

“Did I do that?” your voice trembled. 

“Because of me,” Bucky winked playfully.

“I didn’t know I could do that,” you let your head fall back on the bed as you briefly caught your breath.

Bucky grabbed his shirt that he discarded not long ago and quickly wiped his chest and arm before discarding his pants and boxers. He nearly moaned at the feeling when he finally freed his dick from the restraining garments. His hand instantly wrapped around the base before pumping himself a few times. 

You brought yourself onto your elbows momentarily ogling at the sight of Bucky completely bare before you. Your mouth practically watered at the sight. Bucky crawled over you kissing you deeply and messily; but perfectly. He pulled away and you both had goofy smiles on your faces before bursting into a fit of giggles, Bucky’s head burying into the crook of your neck.

“You’re so goddamn adorable, princess,” Bucky’s voice was muffled. 

“Bucky,” you whined. 

You couldn’t resist squirming underneath the burly man. Although, you’ve just had what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you wanted more. You needed more; you needed Bucky. 

“I got you, darling. I got you.” 

Bucky wanted to tease you more, make you beg, but he was just as desperate to feel you as you were. He propped himself up on his elbows kissing you one last time before reaching between your bodies and lining his dick with your entrance. Both you and Bucky moaned simultaneously as he stretched you out; curses spilling from his lips as incoherent moans fell from yours. 

“So fucking tight, princess. Squeezing my cock just right, aren’t ya?” he whispered.

“Fuck, I feel so full,” you whimpered.

Bucky began to slowly move his hips in and out of you deliciously. He quickly picked up the pace, jetting his hips rapidly making your moans louder. Bucky sat up on his knees and gripped your waist surely to leave bruises in your wake. This new angle surprised you and you couldn’t help the squeals and moans that left your mouth. You chanted Bucky's name like a prayer; as if it was the only word you knew. 

Bucky watched you carefully, your face contorting with pure euphoric pleasure. He couldn’t help notice the small bump in your lower belly and without a second thought, he grabbed your hands pressing them firmly over your tummy. 

“You feel how deep I am, darling? Fucking poking through,” Bucky grunted. 

“Shit! Oh, it feels so good,” you moaned. 

“That’s right, no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good again. This pussy’s mine now,” Bucky growled. 

He took one of his hands and wrapped it around your throat squeezing the sides gently but firm at the same time. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned even louder, confident that the neighbors were sure to complain in the morning. Feeling Bucky’s hand around your neck was so exhilarating; you and Daniel had never ever experimented with anything beyond a pair of handcuffs, and that particular night went horribly. 

You like being choked by Bucky. 

“Fucking slut; you like this, don’t ya?” he came down to whisper huskily against your lips. 

“Mh-hm,” you moaned with a devilish grin, your bottom lip resting between your teeth before your eyes rolled back again. 

“Such a fucking beauty you are.”

Bucky hips snapped in and out and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he needed to release.

“God, I’m close, princess,” he growled. 

His hand moved to rest on the back of your neck to pull you up so you straddled his thighs and your chest was flushed against his. Your sensitive and hardened nipples brushed against his slightly sweaty skin causing you to shudder in pleasure. Bucky’s lips attached themselves to your skin along your collar bones sucking harshly leaving purple marks all along.

Your legs shook once again as they did before and soon enough with an arched back and shout of Bucky’s name you came all over his cock. Overwhelmed with your sex, Bucky bit harshly on your shoulder in a poor attempt to muffled the loud groans and moans he elicited. Feeling your velvety walls squeeze tightly around him pushed him over the edge, coating your walls with hot ribbons on cum. 

He fell forward almost crushing you but you were too tired to complain. Bucky continued to pepper soft kisses all over your skin whispering how good you were to him, how beautiful you looked. Just absolutely showering with compliments. You felt him slowly getting off you, probably afraid he was crushing you, but you didn’t want him to leave just yet. 

“Don’t,” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his body. 

“I don’t want to crush you, darling.”

“You’re not.”

Bucky chuckled before settling completely above you, careful not to make you uncomfortable. Hardly any time went by when he felt the even and soft puffs of air hitting his skin, sure that you had fallen asleep. He picked himself up and with major guilt for his best friend, picked you up from the bed and walked you to his own room. 

After he was sure you stayed sound asleep, Bucky grabbed a clean pair of boxers and hurried himself to Steve’s room again. He collected all the discarded clothes and the dirty sheets and tossed them in the washing machine to clean right away. 

He hadn’t meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister, let alone in his own room, on his own bed, but it all happened so fast. 

He went back to his room letting the clothes do it’s thing, and quickly grabbed his phone. He messaged Steve, telling him that when he got back for his weekend with Peggy, he really needed to talk to him. 

Tonight made Bucky realize how much he loved you. Growing up, you two had always been close. But he doesn’t know when he stopped being friendly and instead began flirting. Bucky wanted to be with you; he knew it now more than ever. 

Bucky watched your gorgeous sleeping form on his bed. He smiled to himself before opening the window; the sun already rising and those beautiful golden rays seeped through the glass window, making you look angelic. He crawled into bed cuddling flushed against your naked body. He chuckled softly when you realized he’d returned, wiggling even further into his arms. 

“I love you, Bucky,” you mumbled. 

“I love you, too, darling.”

And he really, and truly did love you. As did you love him. 

=======================

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Bucky Barnes Taglist:

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[khaotic-kitsunes]

Sacrifices

Firstly, WOW. Loved the request and I’ve been debating how to write it out since I saw it in my askbox. Cause, I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do but to properly pull it off was the next challenge.

Secondly, I think I went a bit extra on this...? 4148 words of Dragon Dabi...not all of it smut, but like...half of it is? Had to build up to the gorgeous fucking moments. Completely fucking necessary.

So, yeah. Hope you enjoy it? Absolutely necessary to tell me what you thought and yeah, please keep in mind that my askbox is currently open to any requests so long as they follow my rules.

(Askbox and Request Guide you can find through Navigation below.)

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Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

.

 Scales as black as coal, lacking any gem-like lustre that all dragons possessed; almost like the scales had been individually burnt to a crisp by white-hot flames. The only known way to damage a dragon’s mostly impenetrable scale. A mountain of a dragon staring down at you with annoyance reflecting back at you from an icy blue gaze.

 If there was a worse place to be in that moment, you hadn’t heard of it. In fact, you found it impossible to believe that such a place existed; after all, here you were, tied to a large tree outside of a dragon’s cave and unable to defend yourself. Or, more favourably, unable to run from the terrifying creature of adventurer’s tales.

 And why were you tied up and dumped in such a place? All because you had helped out a nearby village. A decision that you had come to regret over the past day, the chilled bite of the morning air only reinforcing such thoughts; you should have known better. You should have just minded your own business and continued passing through the meagre village and ignored the poverty that had begun to eat away at the relatively small town.

 But no. You had to be the naïvely generous green witch that you were and help the people that had needed it. The very same needy people that had run off to their village chief and cried out ‘Witch! A witch has come!’.

 It was the fault of your kindness that you had been chased from the town and captured. That they had beaten you until you could barely move before dragging you, helpless and bound to this large tree and the dragon’s cave; warned to keep your mouth shut if you didn’t want the dragon to take notice of you and eat you.

 Even if that was the very reason that they had taken you there in the first place. To have the dragon devour you whole. Though, if memory served your correctly through all of the beatings, you were more of a replacement to some kind of sacrifice that took place in the village each year. You hadn’t understood when they first discussed it near you but now it made perfect sense; a town with a dragon problem and then a witch just happens to wander through the town.

 It had been an unfortunate solution for their problems. They lost no one important to their town and they got rid of an ‘evil witch’ as they had called you; despite the fact that you had done nothing but heal them and offer them relief from their troubles.

 .

 “And what. Are you? A snack?”

 .

 You trembled at the rough sounding voice that came from the large dragon that now laid in front of the tree that you were bound to, a razor-sharp talon moving to prod at your shoulder. By some miracle, he didn’t break through your skin but that didn’t stop you from flinching away from his touch; terrified for your short life.

 “I’m no such thing and if you try to take even a nibble out of me then I’l—” You were cut off by the ground shaking beneath you, a loud thunderous laughter filling the area while the dragon found amusement in your shouts of defiance. It was probably better than the creature getting offended, but it didn’t make you feel any better about the situation.

 .

 “You’ll what? Go down kicking?”

 .

 Your mouth fell open in mortified shock at his questions, unable to find the words to argue with him after such an enquiry. Of course, he wasn’t wrong; that was most likely the most you could do to a creature like himself.

 However, he didn’t need to make you feel so insignificant. So pathetic and weak.

 .

 “It’s those villagers again, isn’t it? I hang around for a couple of years and they go ahead and dump their trash at my doorstep…maybe I should start dropping corpses of my kills on their homes, see how they enjoy having trash litter the place they reside…”

 .

 You stared up at him with wide, fearful eyes as he muttered to himself; unable to avert your gaze when he focused back on your vulnerable form. Somehow, it was more terrifying to have him observe you with silence after such words had left his scaled lips; you didn’t fancy the idea of your dead body being dropped onto a person’s roof. Though, it was more the idea of it being your body that put you off; after the betrayal of the villagers that you had helped, their problems were no longer yours.

 “…So, crazy idea…” You trailed off nervously, resisting the urge to squeal when the large talons moved closer to your bound body once more. It was hard to stay focused, having such dangerous weapons so close to you. Those talons could end your life with such little effort, it terrified you; but what’s worse, is that you were positive he was actually trying to make you scream out in fear. It was humiliating, being in such a position.

 .

 “What is your crazy idea? Little human?”

 .

 You narrowed your eyes at the frustratingly amused dragon, gritting your teeth before trying your best to kick at the talon that dug into the earth by your feet; an act meant for intimidation no doubt, but you were never one to follow the norms when it came to experiencing life.

 “Do not refer to me as a human! I am not like those back-stabbing villagers!”  You shouted the words at him with all the fury you had buried inside of you, all of the frustrations meant for the villagers instead aimed towards a very surprised dragon. One that you hoped wasn’t considering how best to enjoy your death.

 .

 “Then what are you? If not one of those ‘back-stabbing villagers’?”

 .

 You gulped, losing any and all confidence that you had mere seconds ago; the tone in his voice making you a nervous wreck once again. No longer hearing the amusement and bored intimidation act that he had been showing before your declaration; no, now he was serious and if you wanted to live, you had to be less aggravating and more, appealing, to the dragon.

 “…I’m a witch. A green witch.” You mumbled out the words quietly, briefly wondering if you would end up as a meal by the end of the conversation. Dragons weren’t well-known for their love of witches, but then again, they were said to enjoy the company of witches more than humans. So, you might, just might have a chance at surviving the encounter. Despite being tied to a tree.

 .

 “A green witch? You’re less common than a dragon…”

 .

 You watched him silently, pressing your lips into a thin line while you tried your best not to bite back at the muttered observation. Of course, he was correct. There weren’t many green witches left, because green witches were peaceful and focused mainly on finding a place to call home and enjoying nature, creating healing potions and ointments with the very plants that they took care in growing.

 Green witches, were so much easier for humans to move against. To hunt and to brutally murder, which is yet another reason why you should have simply ignored the village that betrayed your kindness. You should have known better. It was that simple.

 Silence was thick in the air as the both of you watched the other, refusing to say anything more on the subject right up until he moved his talons to the rope that bound you to the large tree; easily slicing through them. As if they were nothing more than a spiderweb. Oh-so-easily broken.

 “…You’re letting me go?” You spoke softly, trying your best to hide the hopeful tone in your voice while you watched the newly amused dragon. For some reason, the feeling of terror and unease wasn’t fading despite the fact that you had been freed of your confinement.

 .

 “Well, I wouldn’t say that.”

 .

 He chuckled low as his body began to shudder, shrinking in size as steam began to surround his large form; hiding from you the rarest sight of them all. A dragon shifting forms.

 Because of the vulnerability in such a moment, most dragons would never allow another being to be near them during the transformation, let alone allowing someone to physically see it with their own eyes. You almost thought that you had died because of it; either that or you were beginning to hallucinate.

 “I’m not letting such a useful creature go. A green witch is priceless these days” You pressed yourself back up against the tree as the dragon spoke. His voice, though quieter due to being in a smaller and likely humanoid form, was still deep and full of power; not something to be underestimated.

 “Especially, such a fuckable looking green witch. No, I’m not letting you go…I’m just not going to kill you yet” You couldn’t stop the squeak from escaping you when two scarred hands slammed against the tree behind you, making it shake from the impact while simultaneously trapping you within his reach; making it painfully obvious that the humans from the village had indeed screwed you over.

 “…Could I change my mind about getting eaten?” You mumbled out the question, more to yourself than the dragon in front of you, yet you still received an amused chuckle; lips brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck. Hot breath sending shivers down your spine and making your knees tremble from the alarming sense of danger that he was giving off.

 “You misunderstood me, little witch. I said I wasn’t going to kill you…I’m definitely going to eat you.” The dragon growled out the words in a low rumble, his icy gaze holding your own before he took a step back and turned away from you; his dragon tail forming and wrapping around your waist, lifting you into the air while he made his way back towards the cave that he had wandered out of while you had still been tied to the tree.

 “H-Hey! Put me down! Put me down you jerk!” You slapped your hands against his tail since it was the only thing within reach, trying your best not to stare at the strange dragon’s bare ass; your only stroke of luck for the past few days being that you hadn’t noticed his painfully naked state until his back had been turned.

 You were well-aware of a dragon’s anatomy and didn’t need to see the truth to the stories that you had heard about them.

 “Little witch, you have two choices. Either stop slapping me…or go without food and take all of my desires on an empty stomach!” The dragon turned his head as he continued walking, blue eyes flashing with promise of the choices that you had been presented with. An action that had you immediately behaving, your hands now resting against the tail instead of beating down onto it; you knew better than to push a creature with such hunger in its eyes.

 “Good choice…” He turned his head away as he muttered to himself, continuing his way into the cave while his tail remained around your waist; refusing to put you down, likely thinking that you would attempt to escape him.

 Which might have been true if you had been up against anything other than a dragon. He would be able to catch you before you got far and the repercussions for attempted escape? You’d rather not think about it if you were honest with yourself.

 .

 ~  ~  ~

 .

 You whimpered out softly, squirming beneath Dabi while he kept you pinned face-down into the pile of furs that he kept inside his cave; the tip of his thick tail slowly pulling out of you while you trembled beneath him, trying to recover from the orgasm that he had dragged from your body with nothing more than his tail and a couple of fingers.

 “Look at you…such a helpless little thing, aren’t you witch?” Dabi chuckled as he moved off of you, instead sitting in front of you with his tail moving to brush against your lips the moment you dared to lift your head from the soft furs; your cheeks flushed with embarrassment and your head spinning with pleasure.

 “Clean it off.” You blinked at the instruction, staring up at him for a moment before looking back towards his tail and shaking your head vaguely in denial. You still weren’t entirely sure you wanted to go along with Dabi’s desires; sure, he had fed you and not killed you despite the fact that the villagers had left you to him as a sacrifice.

 But you were also a proud green witch and had only known the dragon for maybe an hour. It didn’t seem right to be doing such things with him, not so soon after meeting the arrogant creature.

 “Hm? I thought we came to an agreement. You’re travelling with me and I’m protecting your moronic ass. In return, you’re going to do whatever the fuck I tell you” Dabi hummed out the recollection of your so-called ‘deal’ with him, when in fact, he had said that was going to happen while you ate the food he shoved in your face. You hadn’t technically agreed to any such thing and you were hoping to keep it that way.

 “I don’t remember agreeing to that” You grumbled out the response quietly, slowly pushing yourself to sit up while Dabi clicked his tongue in annoyance, a scarred hand shooting out to tangle itself in your hair; yanking you up against his chest with both of his throbbing cocks pressed up against your drenched folds, teasing you with the promise of what was to come without any effort on his part. His goal was intimidation in that moment, yours seemed to be enjoying the feel of his dicks pressed up against you; a shameful fact you refused to admit aloud.

 “You agreed to it the moment I let you live. Don’t forget, little witch, that I own you now.” He bit down on your ear firmly as he spoke, pulling a yelp from your lips while his other hand snaked around your waist; pulling you down to grind against his dicks firmly. The sounds that escaped you bringing a feral grin to his scarred lips.

 “Besides, you haven’t once said no to me, have you? You let me throw you onto these furs face-first and fuck you with my tail until you orgasmed like a good little slut…all without a single complaint” He growled out the harsh truth with no remorse, rolling his hips up with each word until you were mumbling the word ‘please’ over and over again, rubbing yourself against the hot, sticky cocks without any thought of your pride as a green witch. The pleasure he could bring you the only thing on your mind.

 “Please? Please, what? Use your words witch.” You glared up at Dabi as he spoke, your lips pressing into a thin line as you refused to respond to him in the way he would like; deciding that if you couldn’t bring yourself to say no, or to pretend like you didn’t want what the arrogant dragon had to offer, then you could at least not bend to his every whim.

 “You know what? I’m starting to like you, little witch. Let’s hope you can heal better than you listen to instructions…because even if you are a good fuck that can handle my knots, if you can’t heal then you’re useless to me…and we don’t even know if you can take my knots yet” Dabi grinned savagely, using his grip on your waist to drag your body downwards harshly and forcing both his dicks inside of you at once; pulling a cry of both pain and pleasure from your mouth. His tail had stretched you plenty, sure, but he was still the first man that had ever fucked you and having two dicks inside of you at once was overwhelming compared to his tail.

 “Mm…listen to those screams, music to my ears!” He laughed as he spoke, kind enough to not move his hips as you slumped against his chest. Your hands moving to his back so that you had something to hold onto for when he finally did decide to start his selfish exploration of your body; though you weren’t entirely sure why he wasn’t moving just yet, you weren’t about to question it. No need to dig yourself a deeper hole than the one you were already in.

 “Fortunately for you, little witch. Your body can’t take as much as a dragon could, so I have to be…somewhat considerate of your fragility” Dabi hummed out the words, tugging on your hair faintly while he trailed a series of bites over your neck and shoulder; busying himself with the task so that he didn’t end up breaking you with his true desires.

 “Gee, how thoughtful” You scoffed at his explanation, squeaking out when he gave a slight thrust of his hips; the whine that spilled from your lips enough to get his point across without him needing to say anything more on the subject.

 “You know, I thought there would be more screaming from you initially…I thought you would be one of those women to scream at me not to touch you, to stay away…I thought that when I fucked you with my tail, that you would beg me to stop with tears rolling down your cheeks” Dabi paused as he spoke, looking down at you as you peeked up at him, the hand that had been tangled in your hair moving to stroke your cheek with a tenderness that you hadn’t thought possible.

 “Dragons aren’t known for their…kindness, after all.” He chuckled at the way you grimaced in fear and disgust at the thought of his prior endeavours with women, preferring not to think of what he had gotten up to.

 “So, imagine my surprise when you happily allow me to do whatever I please to you…makes me think you’re a little fucked up in the head, perfect for the things I want to do to you” He leaned down slowly, his hot breath sending a shiver down your spine while you found yourself leaning up to meet him; his lips scorching as he kissed you with a greedy hunger that easily stole your breath away.

 Dabi growled low into the kiss as he moved forwards quickly, slamming you onto your back against the furs while his hips started to move at a fast pace; the sounds of skin against skin echoing off of the cave walls and filling your mind while his lips stayed sealed against your own, his tongue slipping into your mouth to explore you.

 Apparently determined to figure out if he truly wanted to keep you as his little pet, or companion; whatever he thought of you as. Though you decided that you no longer cared which it was, he was quickly smashing away at your morals and decisions; not that it was terribly hard to do to begin with, perhaps it was because of your love of dragons. A childhood fantasy long-ago buried with the stories that you had heard from your mother when she still walked the earth.

 “Don’t pass out on me, little witch. I want you awake for when I knot you the first time…!” Dabi snarled out his desires as he pulled his head from your own, allowing you the opportunity to gasp and choke on the very air that you were so desperate to consume. His harsh thrusts making it hard to breathe deeply while your body rocked from the power behind his merciless fucking.

 “I wonder how you’ll look when I bury my knots inside of your tight little hole…will it break you? Or are you going to surprise me?” He groaned out the questions quietly, leaning down to bite over your chest while his thrusts grew harder; the uncaring roughness behind his actions making you gasp out and whimper softly.

 Even though you were a witch and built stronger than a mere human, you were still considerably breakable to a dragon and Dabi’s powerful movements felt like they were going to break you sooner rather than later.

 “Come on little witch, take it! You can, right? You can take a dragon fucking you…look at you! God, do you know how badly I want to fucking break you…? You’re lucky I can make use of you…” Dabi groaned out loudly as he pushed you further into the furs, leaving behind already bruising bitemarks while he fucked you mercilessly; ignoring the way you squirmed beneath him, already drawing closer to yet another orgasm. Sensitive from his previous exploration involving his slick covered tail.

 You whimpered out his name quietly, dragging your nails over his back until he snarled out a warning in response; his hips bucking with such ferocity that you choked on the very breath you needed to keep conscious, your mind still hazy from the kiss he had ambushed you with previously.

 “That’s it…keep making sounds like that, such a good little slut aren’t you? Fuck, you’re already squeezing down on my cocks so fucking much!” Dabi cursed out as he bit along your jaw, his hand moving to tangle in your hair once again; allowing him to hold you in place while his hips moved at a merciless pace. Constantly filling you with his throbbing cocks, his thrusts keeping a never-ending pressure up against your sweet spot while his slowly swelling knots pressed up against your folds with each harsh thrust of his hips.

 All of it signalling how desperate he was to finish what he had started, to use you as he needed until you were overflowing with his cum. The mere thought of it making you whimper out his name in a desperate mewl for more.

 “I can’t believe the villagers finally left me something useful…! A pity I’ll destroy them anyway!” He laughed at his own observation, giving a harsh tug to your hair when your walls clamped down around his thick cocks; your orgasm rushing through your system unexpectedly while you screamed out his name until your throat felt raw and your voice began to break up.

 “Fuck yes…! Scream my name little witch! Just you wait, I’ll fill you up with my knots soon…!” You arched your back as he began to rut his hips in sharp movements, no longer thrusting his hips properly; instead working on filling you with his swelling knots. Each movement of his hips making you yelp and whimper as you felt him try to squeeze the too large knots into your smaller body, it almost felt like an impossible task; right up until he snarled out a roar of victory.

 Your back arched as he let the roar out, his knots pushing past your folds and into your body, the sudden intrusion making you scream out yet again; though this time your mind was blank from the feeling of pleasure combined with his hot, thick seed flooding your body in heavy spurts that would quickly become too much for you to handle.

 “That was a tight fit…but you actually took them, colour me impressed!” Dabi groaned out his laughter as he continued to roll his hips, pushing his knots as deep as possible while he focused on riding out his orgasm; his hot tongue running over the stinging bitemarks that he purposely left over your sensitive neck.

 “I almost thought they wouldn’t fit, they never did on the previous sacrifices…not even when I tried using all my strength to force them in. I just broke the women, but not you” He hummed out the thoughts to himself as you whined beneath him, trembling and letting your arms fall away from his body onto the furs beneath you; completely exhausted from having the dragon ravage you as he pleased.

 “Looks like you’re gonna need a break before I fuck you again, huh?” You gave a slight nod of your head at the question, unable to do anything more and certainly not able to use your voice after all of the screaming that you had just done.

 And yet, strangely enough you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it or to hate him. Even though he was technically holding you captive and using you for his own carnal needs, you were more than happy to enjoy it. In some way, you were using him right back. He was to be your protection, your supplier for food and comfort, as well as a thing to use when you needed to satisfy your own urges that had gone ignored for far too long.

 “Better take a nap while I’m stuck inside you then. My little witch.”