#no i definitely didnt just realize that i never posted it what are you talking about
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nyxx-nth · 6 months ago
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The MaryKat playlist 🥳
It's not super long still but whateva 🙄
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foxcassius · 8 months ago
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wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year
#i cant even think about it. makes so like disappointed and upset to think about some people.#its also just crazy how some people have like no introspection abilities at all.#they'll be like 'you did x once you abused me' ignoring how they did x 15 times and y 20 times and also came at me physically violently#and i know its not a calculator. i know i cant put all the bad things we did to each other into an algorithm that tells us who abused who#like i am aware that we had a toxic relationship and its better now that we are not in contact#but it makes me shake my head when i think about screenshots people used to send me of stuff my ex friends were saying about me on twt#because those people DO think they can put every bad thing ive ever done into a calculator that will show the result that i abused them#anyway. i like to think any person who knows me well and/or irl knows thats not me and i dont talk to almost anyone from that time anymore#i still follow and talk to fee...i think i still follow joanna but she is never on anymore....#in the end there is not much use in thinking anf agonizing about this anymore. i used to go into spirals a lot like maybe i DID abuse x fri#end and i just didnt REALIZE it maybe im CRAZY but. i definitely dont do that anymore. what she said to me made me do that.#(again. emotional manipulation.)#but its so crazy to remember high school and college from my current vantage point. i've lived so much good life since then.#now i own a house. i garden (something x friend told me i would never be responsible enough for) i have a boyfriend who has been scretly#into me for over year before we started dating (something x friend always told me i was imagining in people) i have a job i find fulfillment#in (something x friend said i would never find if i kept changing jobs looking for one i liked)#i feel like i make a post ever year or so when i inevitably end up looking back on those times...and i always feel guilty for making them#because i dont want it to seem like im gossiping or slandering (even though x friend posted about me all the time) but idk#i dont go to therapy yknow. i just journal and write and think in my head and on occasion i make a blog post with rambling tags#i talk to people and learn about them and through that learn about me. i read and learn about the world and the mind.#im not saying i wouldnt go to therapy if i could afford it...but i guess im defending my right to make a post about the past every year-ish.#it helps#t
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princesssmars · 28 days ago
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so...we can all agree vi is an ass girl, right?
modern!au. 18+ content ahead. post contains lesbian sex and dry humping. inspired by this video from love and deepspace. i didnt know they got down like that. wc : 3.081.
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she didn't show it often before, but lately violet could quickly become so achingly desperate for you.
she didn't show it often, but violet could become so achingly desperate.
at the start of your relationship, she tried to play off her need for you in a casual way, brushing it off as just being a very attentive girlfriend. you never had a problem with, always open and accepting of whatever little bits of attention she would give to you.
but then one day she slips, and she can feel your dynamic shift as soon as it happens.
she was away visiting her family for the holidays, body snugly tucked under the covers in her childhood bed as she held her phone above her face. the house was quiet, the air was cold, and she was having an internal battle with the reasonable part of her that told her to call it a night and drift off to sleep already...
and then there was the other side. the one that suddenly brings to her attention the steady heat that’s been building beneath her stomach after you sent the prettiest photo of you all dolled up in your parent’s guest bathroom. the one that made her bite her lip as she observed every inch of you through the screen before instantly liking the photo and sending back a flirty message. the one that now gravitated her fingers to calling your phone in the middle of the night and hoping and praying you’d pick up, nearly breathing a sigh of relief when you did.
"vi? are you alright?"
loaded question, she thinks to herself. in perfect health? of course. of sound mind? debatable, but for the most part yes. alright? no, definitely not at the moment.
"yeah, yeah, i’m alright princess. just wanted to talk to you."
"aww, you're such a sweetie. how'd i get so lucky, huh?"
and yes, she does appreciate and silently adore the sweet sentiment. but the sound of you cooing at her with just the tiniest hint of a rasp in your voice from tiredness only cements her fate, having to use all of the rational energy she has left to stop whimpering.
"tell me how your trips been. wanna hear your voice for a little longer."
"no problem. well im fine, everyone here is good. besides my aunt nat, she's still moody because no one allowed her in the kitchen again-"
you go on about your family and their shenanigans, and she cant help but quietly laugh along when you giggle about some of the stories and memories you've made. but the 'conversation' takes a turn when you start to talk about her.
"you know i miss you, right?"
she feels a subtle pang in her chest, half longing and half desire. "oh yeah?"
"yeah. rolled over in bed this morning and kept trying to find you till i realized where i was. it's weird not waking up with you."
she hums, hoping you cant hear her stuttered breaths through the receiver. she doesn't know why hearing about you subconsciously looking for her embrace is what does it for her, but she can only give a short response as one of her hands trails down into boxers.
"wish i could've been there with you, baby."
"mmm, me too. missed your warmth, swear you're like my own personal heater. wish you could be here with me now."
her breathing stops and her eyebrows raise. "oh yeah?"
"yeah. missed your hands, too."
fuck, fuck fuck fuck. she's taken off guard, mind racing at your words and tone and before she knows it she has two fingers stuffed inside of herself while she quietly whimpers for you to keep talking to her.
"fuck, just a little more baby, please, 'm so close-"
"aww, you're such a good girl for me, aren't you violet?"
she swears she bites her lip so hard it nearly bleeds when she cums, walls clenching around her fingers and eyes rolling back into her head as she reaches her peak while you talk her through it.
the next week when she picks you up from the airport she can see it, a glimmer in your eye and quick in your smile that wasn't there before. she tries to ignore it when she pulls you in for a long-awaited embrace but then she just gets so enveloped in your warmth, your smell, the feeling of your body pressed hers. she's only yanked out of her lovestruck stupor when you whisper a sly little comment in her ear about how long and tight she's been holding you.
"call me crazy but if i didnt know any better i'd say you're feeling a little desperate for me."
so the cats out of the bag. she's super attached to you, so what? it's not like you ever complained about it, instead constantly using her neediness to your advantage to get what you want from her. you'll likely never have to beg and convince her to get up from bed to change the thermostat again, only needing to graze your hand across her chest and press a lingering kiss to the space beneath her chin before she's leaping out of bed and speedwalking down the hall.
and don't even get her started on her libido. the both of you had an amazing sex life already, able to almost instinctually tell what brought the other the most mindblowing pleasure possible. but ever since that night, it's like her desire for you only increased tenfold, barely able to go a day without getting her hands on you or vice versa.
it only reached a head when you decided to truly test her limits.
she had taken up a later shift to help out loris who had a date, which meant by the time she returned home she was too tuckered out to have her way with you. but during times like these, she could always count on the early morning sun waking her up just in the rich window of time for morning sex. but when the light rays peek through her bedroom window and she uses her arm to pull you closer she finds you absent, your side of the bed cold.
after a brief search through the house, she opened her text messages just to find your sent a sweet text only an hour before she’d woken up to tell her your friends had invited you on a last minute girls day around the city the night before, and you didn’t want to wake her from her sleep since she seemed exhausted when she got home.
vi groans and falls back into the pillows, lousily texting you back a short message to tell you she loves you and hopes you have fun with your friends. she’ll be alright, she can go a few more hours without you near.
but only an hour later after she’s showered and eaten a quick breakfast she feels the ache start to build in her chest, eyes darting up to the clock on the wall and groaning when realizes just how long this day is going to feel.
everything she tries to do to keep her mind off of you fails miserably. doing chores? she's thinking back on the time when the both of you first split up household duties when you moved in together, feeling giddy at sharing something so menial with the girl she was enamored with. making herself a protein shake for the gym? now she's stuck in a daydream about all the times you've been in this kitchen together, sharing sweet baked goods and sweeter kisses as you settle into domestic bliss.
she has got to get out of the house.
jayce understood her problem as soon as she called inviting her down to the gym for a few hours to work off any ‘pent-up energy’ she’s currently... unable to get out in her preferred method.
it works for a while, the familiar smell of sweat and the slight ache in her muscles grounding her back into reality as she makes casual gym talk with jayce. she's just starting to feel like the absence of you is off of her mind when she hears your text notification on her phone, accidentally leaving her place as jayces spotter to open up her phone.
as soon as her brain registers that you’ve sent her pictures she makes up some lame excuse to get to the bathroom, tuning out her friend's groan of disapproval as she speed walks to the restrooms and locks herself in one of the stalls.
the first few messages are sweet, little selfies of you and your friends as you enjoy your day together as you get some sweet treats together at one of the malls concession stands. a lovesick smile involuntarily grows on her face, always happy to see you smiling and enjoying yourself with the people who care about you. but her eyes start to squint when you start to send pictures of you trying on various outfits from some of the outlet stores, posing demurely in front of the trying room mirrors.
but then her eyes widen to the size of dinner plates when suddenly shes getting photos of you in her vagina's favorite enemy - lingerie.
even before vi started acting so eager about your body, it wasn't hard for you to catch on to the fact that the woman was so clearly an ass girl. even on five hands, you wouldn't be able to count the number of times you’d caught her staring or sneaking small glances at your behind, not to mention how she thought she was being discreet about her affection for it with the numerous times she’d slap it when walking by you. she tried to laugh it off when you brought it up in conversation, assuring you that she loved each and every part of you and could never pick a favorite.
but now you were determined to really see how much she wanted you, using every dirty trick in the book you could think of. she feels her face get hot as she looks down at her phone, the image of you in lacy lingerie, back facing the mirror as the magenta fabric (nearly the same shade as her hair, jesus christ,) stretches across the swell of your ass and crisis crosses across your back.
her brain short circuits. before she can think about it she’s saving the pictures to her phone and calling you at the speed of light.
“hey, violet. how’s your day?”
“you are so… evil. amazing and beautiful and evil.”
your giggle rings through the receiver, melodic and teasing. “what's the problem? you don't like the set?”
“don’t even joke. when are you getting home?”
“mmm not till late, the girls wanted to go to a club tonight.”
“oh you’ve got to be kidding me-”
“do you want me to send you the address?”
vi hasn't been to a nightclub in months, at first harshly avoiding the hard party scene in favor of her sobriety before feeling no need to indulge in the party scene once her life became more stable, especially after she met you. but she never stopped you from going out and having fun with your friends, tagging along once in a blue moon to sip on a mocktail while she chatted up the bartender and stared at your ass while you danced.
tonight was an extremely necessary blue moon.
the air is hot, and the feel of her drink burns her throat as vi waits at the bar, blue eyes wide and aware as she stares at the club’s crowded entrance like it owes her money. the bartender asks if she’s alright, scared she’s waiting for someone to arrive to jump them before she assures them she’s fine. they slowly nod and get back to making drinks, nearly dropping a glass out of fright when she slams her glass on the bar and quickly makes her way over to you.
if she wasn't so laser-focused on finally getting her hands on you she might've been a little cocky at the fact that you look like you were about to salivate at the sight of her, knowing she made the right decision to wear the tight pants she knew you loved on her. in only a second she’s got her hands settled on your waist, not caring that your friends are laughing at her clear excitement over seeing you in your club outfit, a tiny dress so she can see the wide expanse of your legs, your arms, your shoulder - fuck, the straps of the pink bra aren’t even hidden by the strapless dress-
“wanna dance with me?” your voice is nothing short of flirtatious, and you already know your answer by the way you start to walk past her to the dance floor, already predicting how she follows you like she’s on a leash.
as the both of you grind and dance in the middle of the club every thought racing through vi’s head is centered on you, physically and mentally unable to focus on anything else when she finally has you so close again after what felt like years. she feels a familiar sense of euphoria when her palms glide up and down your waist, smirking to herself when she feels you shudder when her hands reach up to cup and discreetly squeeze your breasts. she’s feeling happy about finally starting to turn the tables back on you before you arch your back into her, your ass pressing into her as your hand reaches up to her head, nails dusting along her cheek before reaching into her hair and pulling.
it’s only to be expected that that’s her breaking point, dragging you through the dancing bodies and into the back of the building until she can find anywhere to get you alone, thanking any god that exists above that she finds an open storage closet and drags you inside, pressing you face first towards the door. a little voice in her head reminds her not to be too rough with you, but it’s quickly silenced when she sees just how much you crave it, how your back is yet again arching and your hands are clenching into fists from their places on the wooden door.
it's nice, to remember that you want her as much as she wants you.
in only a few seconds she’s given into it, pressing you further into the door by pressing her body against yours and grinding her crotch into the fat of your ass, eyes lidded and head dropping to rest on your shoulder from the rush of pleasure she feels below.
“vi, oh my god-” your voice is light and airy, every word almost choked out as you struggle to prevent yourself from moaning out and alerting every person in the bar about what the two of you were up to.
“i know, fuck, I know, baby. i just-” she cuts herself off with a groan when she lets her hand travel down your front and under your dress to your panties, face running hot when she feels just how wet you’ve gotten. she’s all but rushing to ruche up your dress, mind going fuzzy yet again at seeing the pink fabric covering your ass and how it feels under her when she begins humping you yet again.
“nngh, knew it. knew you were an ass girl.” you giggle.
“god, please stop talking-”
whatever snarky little comment you were going to make dies in your throat when her arm comes up and around your neck to hold your jaw, turning your head around and smashing her lips onto yours. you whimper and moan into her mouth, violet greedily eating the noises of your pleasure as she takes you up against the door.
you pull back for a few seconds to catch your breath, both of your eyes drifting to the thin trail of saliva connecting your lips together.
she can feel it, then. an almost electric charge that runs form her body into yours. you lean into her touch, arch into her further like you’re trying ot merge your bodies into one. when her other hand tightens around the pushed-up fabric of your dress and she gets that absolutely adorable scrunch between her eyebrows you know what she’s asking, and you gently nod your head.
and so she presses her lips back to yours, her crotch further into your ass, and rides you in the cramped nightclub storage closet. she's grateful that you seem to be enjoying it just as much as she is, her mind completely focused on getting closer and closer to her peak. she can feel it building quickly, a growing heat below her stomach reach to burst at any moment. all it takes is you, sucking on her tongue before mumbling muffled words into her mouth begging for her to finish against you. she cums with a stifled moan into your mouth, only amplified when she feels you shudder and go loose in the legs beneath her.
you’re both panting, sweaty, and tired as you stare at each other. it’s a comfortable silence as you help each other adjust - vi fixing your dress and you attempting to put her hair back in her signature style.
“so,” your voice lilts up as vi’s busy fixing her jacket, debating if she wants to take it off to cool down or not, knwoing she’ll probably just wrap it around your arms outside anyway. “you gonna admit it yet?”
she rolls her eyes, looking at you with an exasperated but fond look in her eyes that makes your stomach flip. “you just love being proven right, don’t you?”
“absolutely.”
“fine, you were right. are you happy?”
“very. now, let’s go home annnd maybe,” your fingers hook into the loops of her pants and tug her closer,”you can show me a little more just how much you need me, yeah?”
maybe, vi would show her neediness for you more often. just a little.
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the-s1lly-corner · 1 year ago
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If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?
I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.
TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !
oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me
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CAINE:
if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too
POMNI:
as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence
JAX:
similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so
RAGATHA:
stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.
KINGER:
it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident
ZOOBLE:
zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.
"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security
GANGLE:
she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form
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fatuismooches · 8 months ago
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Dw hahahaha I'm still alive just dying over ( why did I chose to study a PHD 😭 ) But im on a break from school so except so a lot more brainrot from me lmao, also sorry if this is jumbly kinda just put my words out there hahaha
I know we always talk about fragile reader during the illness but what about after? Fragile reader was plauged with this illness for hundreds of years so they deffinently adapted. Like typically when walking then would shuffle their feet a lot cause it took less energy so sometime they shuffle their feet and don't even realize. They didnt have the ability to do tasks such a pouring liquids into cups so whenever they're about to pour themselves a glass of water then to do collect themselves because what if their illness comes back? What if there dreaming and they'll suddenly drop everything. All of Zandik's work is reverted. So often times segments will just find reader staring intensely at a simple task. And of course they'll go comfort reader. Whilst they wish they could do it they know how much reader wants their autonomy back after such a restrictive few centuries.
But let not ignore the segments and Prime cause they've picked up a few habits also. They've gotten used to treating reader as fragile as glass so whenever they fall or trip post illness they freak out. It would require some comfort from reader to bring them back to earth and remember that reader is no longer ill. But you KNOW that they're pulling out every healing treatment they've got. They're all evil and sadistic doctors but for you they'll be good. <4
But regarding Zandik himself... Well he was so excited to finally have cured his lover that he completely forgot about the effects you'd suffer after. So when a few segments report of you not being completely free of your curse he's immediately trying to figure out how he can help you. He decides that the best thing to do is to be there for you. It typically is unusual to see the Doctor away from his work but now it's the norm for Il Doctors to be with his lover.
- Jellofish Anon
After being sick for so long, one would think you'd be ecstatic to finally be cured, to be free of the illness that plagued your body and life so much. And well, they were right, but the happiness still came with its anxieties. Change was never an easy thing, even when it was the good type. After dealing with this for so many years, you were bound to still be nervous about doing certain things. To not have the confidence in yourself to carry out the task. You worry that you'll mess up or fail and waste your time trying to do so and just end up making more of a problem for yourself and others. Even though you know that's illogical now, it's hard to get out of a mindset you've been stuck with for so long. Of course, your inner conflict doesn't go unnoticed by your lovers, and each segment would provide their own kind of comfort based on who they are, whether gruffly or soothingly, to give you the courage to take back your life.
You can't exactly blame Dottore and the segments for being overbearing, after all, they've witnessed your weak state for numerous centuries, and they've seen you hit your lowest many times too. They can't help but worry about their darling too. It's endearing at first but you have to hold them and help them realize that was the past you, the new you is someone different thanks to them. You can be strong and safe and independent without them now, even if it sort of makes them crazy knowing the situations you put yourself in now. Still, they observe you very much even when you least expect it.
Of course, the cure is not without its drawbacks - you still have to deal with the lingering effects of your illness sometimes. Which definitely aren't as bad as before, but they still serve to remind you of your old life. But you know that regardless of what the future may bring, you'll always have Dottore by your side to ease whatever pains you have.
(Dottore post-illness would be such a cutie. It's such a rewarding feeling, to see the one he loves no longer burdened and free to pursue what they want just like he does. He would sit and listen to all the stories you have for him each day, all the exciting things you can do now, the days of pain in the past. Of course, the segments would be extremely excited to finally have a worthy assistant - you - but there's only one of you after all. Unfortunately, they have to share, and bear the painful curse of having you to themselves once nearly every two weeks.)
(I've been planning to make this a full fic for like a year...)
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leeneir · 1 year ago
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Missions; Iso x GN!Reader Headcanons-Drabble
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Ok so funny story, I was planning on posting a fic actually but my dumbass wrote it on tumblr and didnt save itand my phone died and i lost 90% of my progress so heres a drabble/headcanons I have abt missions with Iso
Not proofread, tbh none of my posts are💀
On your first mission together which also happened to be Iso's very first so he was still lesrning the ropes, you'd be the one aside from a senior member on your team to help guide him.
You two are stationed together on one site and he keeps making comments and asking questions about a lot of things to the point where you wonder if this really was the feared 'Dead Lilac', it was difficult to imagine when he was acting like he's seeing the sky for the firsy time.
But then the first bullet whizzes past, and Iso does a complete 180. He's no longer talking or making remarks, instead, he emits a purple aura, his eyes glowing, filled with concentration and determination, ready to take on the enemy. It was kinda hot in your opinion.
You may have been an agent longer than him, but he definitely has more experience. Iso saved you from getting shot dozens of times, throwing himself infront of you and coming out of it unscathed because he had his shield up.
The mission is a success via team elimination, you secure the spike and everyone goes home. Iso, however, is blanked out and isn't paying attention to anything around him. It's as if he's a mindless machine. You decide to sit down with him on the V/LTR and offer him a snack, he instantly snaps out of it and takes the snack grstefully.
You aren't assigned on another mission together for a while, and during that time, you hear stories about how much of a monster he is on the field from the others. You bring that up to him to compliment, but he's bashful about it.
You note how he isn't bashful about his skills when the others compliment him, and you wonder why you keep catching him looking at you. Every time you do, you notice how the tips of his ears are a tinge bit red.
The day comes when you two are assigned together, and it just so happens you two are put on a site together again. While you're setting up, he comes up to you, sheepishly asking what the plan was because... he forgot to read the mission brief...
You wonder how tf he forgot to read the brief when it was one of the most important things and explain it to him anyway. Though, he looked like he wasn't really paying attention, he was just staring at you with a look you've never seen before.
The enemy rush in on the opposite site and you two rotate over, watching each other's 6 oclock. You lead through while Iso is behind you, following closely with his focus unmatched.
The spike is planted, you guys get the picks. The rest of the team is down, leaving it up to you and him. Iso gets most of them, there's only one enemy left.
Iso doesn't realize it, but someone is aiming for him. You see it, and you push him out of the way as you shoot the last guy. Unfortunately, they also shot a bullet which grazed your side, leaving a deep gash.
He's panicking, how the hell did he let this happen? He can see the blood seeping through your clothing and he almost forgets everything. You yell at him to defuse the spike which manages to snap him out of it as you apply pressure to the wound.
Once the spike is defused, Iso immediately runs back to you, the precision and focus he has as a master assassin is half way out the window as he's performing first aid on you. He's apologizing over and over again for not being careful, while at the same time scolding you for taking the bullet. HE'S the bulletproof one here, not you.
Iso calls for backup and updates HQ about the mission status before turning his attentioned back to you. He's still upset about your injury, and scolds you again.
You make up some sort of excuse, having realized the reason why you did what you did. Iso continues to get upset over it and is asking you why you would do that.
You got really annoyed by his scolding and you tell him to shut up before grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a kiss.
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authorautism · 1 month ago
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Senku X Autistic!Gn!Reader headcanons
To start this guy is autistic I know it science is his SPIN and I love that for him so so much. For how the relationship starts there's two ways Senku and Reader are childhood friends though in middle school Reader kisses Senku because their peers talked about how they seem to be dating already. Reader decides that the peck on the check they gave Senku and he didnt wipe off is good enough evidence that they're probably dating now. Senku meanwhile literally forgets this happened and their friendship doesn't change at all. He is completely unaware of his own feelings but not in a "oh he's in denial way" but a "it's always been like this with them they're one of the most important people to me" way. And just waking up in the stone world Reader introduces themself as Senku's partner and everyone is shocked. Que Senku finally realizing his feelings and after tinkering alone in his lab he presents a gift of science OFC to confess and Reader is just like "We've been dating for like 2 years Ku… I thought we just agreed to take it slow after the first kiss is all." AUGH I love this so much.
Number 2 is both have no idea they're basically dating connected at the hip both post and pre stone age. Then Senku realizes that he hasn't been spending as much time with his favourite person and gets frustrated, which turns into wondering why he cares so much. Like he can spend a day or more away from his other best friends and it never effects him this much at all what's so different with them? Of course he goes to talk about this with Reader since that's what he always does and sees Ryusui flirting with them [playfully] and jealousy just fills him and 'oh oh no.' He understands now why didn't he see the signs in himself much sooner? Though after beating himself up a bit later that evening he just talks to Reader about it. Que very cute blunt confession from Senku that has the Reader giggly and stimming as they explain how they like him in the same way too!
He just is so amazing with a partner like him they take turns info dumping about their SPINs and Senku rebuilds things for them and it's great for both of them. Personally I don't see Senku struggling with sensory issues too much but if/when his partner does he's so so good about it. Need some dark time he is already telling people you need some time as he leads you to an empty hut. Ginro is being too loud? He's told him to be quiet while offering some freshly made ear defenders to you. He 1 billion percent makes sure to have anything you may need on him all the time. But the thing I can see him struggling with is helping during verbal shutdowns. When Senku is in a verbal shutdown he doesn't really pay any mind to the fact he can't speak he isn't exactly a social butterfly, as long as he can still work on things and hand over telling people what to do to Gen he's content. So playing translator/voice while you're in a verbal shutdown isn't something that comes to mind with him at first. But he of course knows sign to still be able to communicate with you.
Also everyone else thinking y'all are going to have some sort of weird or chaotic relationship are always surprised at how "normal" it is. Senku and you both have dates planned on a shared calendar in your hut and regularly try to meet during the day to have quiet chats. Reader is definitely more physically affectionate because he just forgets that he can just do that whenever he wants with them. Greeting him with a crushing hug before each chat he claims it helps him reset from his science and really focus on you. And just holding hands while you walk together, he isn't big on PDA not that he is flustered by it or anything like that but because he tries to play by societies rules and that's usually a no go all the time.
Ok small drabble time: You pause your work as you see Gen approaching, wondering why he was here since he was assigned a different task from you and not to mention it wasn't time for a break yet either.
"Excuse me," He chimes in pig latin followed by your name. "I was just wondering what do you and Senku get up to on your secret dates."
"Well they're not really secret at all Gen. We have them on our calendar and I think everyone comes and goes from there all day?" Confusion clear you try and figure out what Gen means though his use of pig latin usually means he's being playful are lying.
"Some of the villagers think you're doing mad science while you're gone since Senku is always bursting with energy the next day. But I'm just here to set the record straight rumours like that should be squashed fast?" He leans closer to you as he spoke understanding now clear to you.
"Oh, well that's because we usually talk about that sort of stressful stuff on our dates. Then we also kiss a bunch which is always amazing and he tells me about what we're going to work on next and the road map to finally rebuilding society. And I tell him about how I've started teaching more advance music to Kinro and Suika and how they're improving over all." Nodding your head to punctuate each thing that happens on your date.
"But that's so normal. That's really all it takes to get him excited for more science. How boring." With that Gen sulks away though knowing him he may have just lost a bet from learning that.
NSFW Below cut
On that same calendar y'all plan when your'e having sex. With Senku's normal to low sex drive it's never more then 3 times a week at most usually with one being the night of your date. Speaking of dates are a FULL DAY event not only do you both unwind in each others company. You also discuss what you want to do for the scene later tonight. ALOT of they sex you have is scenes even more tame nights since the planning helps you both feel more comfortable in what will happen.
I can see Senku as either playing a service top though more in the sense of making you feel good is important to him. Heavy into oral he definitely has a habit of chewing things as he thinks and you are no different to his clothes, pencils and even paper clips. So 9 times out of 10 it turns into a sensory seeking thing for him rather then actually getting you off. But you can never say no to him when he looks at you like that. Most of his service top lays heavy on being of use to you seeing him as a sex toy gets him way off especially if you say how science is involved in some way. When he's in service top mode he prefers face when another so usually opts for missionary most of the time just so he can see how he's making you feel and admire how pretty you are to him. Post stone age he has a massive breeding kink so this paired with being a sort of robot fuck machine that's only job is to come in you has him really going. Though even if you can't get pregnant expect him to talk about how mpreg could be possible in some way instead of getting rest. Now on the other hand he does also enjoy being a sub top he doesn't enjoy bottoming since the sensations are just too much for him. But he's more then happy to have you riding him at your own pace for as long as you want. Cock warming is a big yes for him though harder to do in the stone age but before he would always ask for you to ride him as you do your homework. Ask him questions you don't get to really see his brain buffer. Enjoys cowgirl and reverse mating presses a LOT honestly when he's in sub space he will go with any position you discus beforehand with ease. Now onto kinks overall I think Senku is mostly vanilla but open to trying most things. Minus degradation and any sort of real pain. Very big into ownership sex is one of the few times his mind really turns off minus his counting so just being and listening to what you tell him to do is amazing for him. Can get behind roleplay but will often get too involved into creating a big story that he forgets about the sex. There have been many evening ruined by debating how Mecha Senku would be able to cum and if he can get anyone pregnant with synthetic cum. Major rope bunny tie him up he LOVES the deep pressure it resets his brain in the best ways. You definitely tie his arm straps for him daily making it both a ownership thing and just so romantic. Temperature play though he prefers cold to heat a ice cube sliding against his heated skin is amazing sensory input for him. I sadly don't see him being very sensitive with certain areas but Estim has him in a choke hold using science for sex is the best of both worlds for you. PRASIE HIM please he needs it every session talk about how he's making you feel, how pretty he is, how good he looks with his brain off anything and everything he craves it. Finally last but never least orgasm control always tell him when he can cum or you'll have a very edged Senku. Finally aftercare; usually split even between you two no matter what the scene was. It's a team effort to clean one another up and change the bedding. Senku doesn't usually get sub drop or anything since pain and degradation is very removed from scenes but he is always quick to communicate how thing were for him afterwards and wants the same from you. Cuddling and pillow talk are a must because of that though after you discuses the scene he always make sure to ask about your day in case there was a detail he missed. Tells you about his own day in return and asks if you'd like some science facts to lull you to sleep, his voice is soothing normally but after sex it gets even more intense and rich. Even while asleep you don't separate from one another completely.
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dystychiphxbia · 2 years ago
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☆ - Gym crush!
gn!reader
im just in my gym rat era so i had to do this...i didnt want this to be the first fic i publish but here we are...
v small nsfw mention in sae's part
characters; kunigami, sae, rin
Kunigami Rensuke;
pre-wc;
you meet at the gym, both relatively new to it
you learn together, always trying out new things
never ask for each other's number but still somehow end up at the gym at the same time
"what are you hitting today?" "it's leg day" "aw sucks to be you...jk i'll join you"
"need a spotter?"
he's definitely your gym crush and you always try to look extra good in front of him
trust me he's doing the same
always helps you rerack your weights!
gym bros till death do you apart
death or...blue lock.
post-wc;
kunigami just disappears for MONTHS and comes back like nothing happened
except now he wont even greet you
he completely ignores you when you ask him where he's been
you are motivated to show him your progress but you don't see him even glancing at you
"need a spotter" you would ask him, but he would simply say you are too weak
and looking at his weights, he's right
like damn how many plates is he squatting??
he would still save you if you failed a bench press though
"thanks...but i would've gotten it" "stop lying to urself"
maybe he warms up to you eventually...
i mean you never stopped going to the gym, it shows your resolve
and you didn't change at all, you still work as hard as ever and look so damn good while doing so.
Itoshi Rin;
he noticed how every sunday, you would run on the treadmill for at least an hour straight
how fast are u going??? he would always try to sneak a glance at your settings when he walks past
he would also do his warm ups on the treadmills, secretly cheering when only the one next to you is available
one sunday, you aren't there
he's actually...worried? you are there every single sunday, so why not now?
he's so relieved to see you there the sunday after that, maybe you were just sick
the thing is, he doesn't see you on any other days. he's hoping it's just cause you go at a different time, and not because you only go on sundays...
nah you have too much muscle for you to only go to gym once a week to run
but he wont change his workout times just for some person he sees once a week at the gym...until he does.
he starts going a bit earlier and later, hoping to catch at least a glimpse of you
it takes a while but he's finally there at the same time as you
you notice him, "i havent seen you here at this time before"
he's flustered, you've actually noticed him and are now talking to him???
"yeah, just changing things up a bit." he just wanted to see u!!
u always ask him to spot you and he just cant say no
one time you almost got crushed under the bar because he was busy admiring your face
yeah...he definitely has a crush on you!! but will he ever take it a step further...probably not. have you noticed...? of course you have, that's exactly why you always ask him.
Itoshi Sae;
this guy has been watching you squat since day 1
eyes glued to your ass, maybe it wasn't so impressive in the beginning but it definitely is now
he makes sure to always be at the gym when it's your squat day
of course you've noticed...you make sure to wear those gym pants that make your ass look so good!!
sometimes he stares for too long, suddenly realizing that he's just been sitting for 10 minutes
one day you come up to him, saying that you are gonna attempt a pr and need a spotter
jesus christ he almost choked on his drink
"sure." staying as cool as ever.
but watching your ass from so close almost stirs up a problem in his pants
"good job." he'll say to you afterwards, walking off.
you are kind of disappointed, he's always looking at you and that's all you get??
but no worries he'll be thinking of that sight for a while!!
slowly adjusts his schedule so that he's always coming on the same days as you
makes sure that only he spots you
also makes sure that no one else glances your way when you are squatting
cause you are HIS gym crush, not anyone else's
one day he finally gets the courage to actually talk to you
he's surprised when you call him by his name but then he remembers that he's basically a celebrity
you introduce yourself, and he's so close to asking you out on the spot
"i've seen you play on the tv, you are so good! i'd love to learn to play!"
Perfect.
he asks u to come with him to the field after your workout for lesson number one
about damn time, you think
playing football after a leg workout wasn't the easiest but maybe sae made it a bit easier for you to manage
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cumulo-stratus · 1 year ago
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BAU autism headcannons
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(GIF NOT MINE)
(male reader)
CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!
A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3
i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader
(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)
like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)
like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.
and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office
emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is
like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking
or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml
anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism
and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)
and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful
i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest
like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited
and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)
and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it
omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you
always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag
i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly
i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories
spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated
he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa
spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular
and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything
also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles
like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal
“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them
“sorry..”
”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)
and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown
he would stop you from harmfully stimming
“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice
and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle
but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated
like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions
and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia
his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break
he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy
”sit. sleep”
thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3
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soapsquare · 2 months ago
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yell into the void post, its not important dont read its just how i cope cus i dont have a therapist
ive grown a lot as a person this year, i mean obviously, i came out to my parents and stuff, but one thing i also grew in this year was with recognizing my feelings, cus of my autism ive always thought that i didnt feel anything ever. but recently ive realized that i do actually have feelings but not only is it very difficult for me to know what these feelings mean, ive always repressed these feelings cus i never felt like i was "allowed to" whatever that means(you know). so recently thanks to a friend ive realized something else, i used to say that i might be a little aro-ace and that ive never had any crushes, but i now know that this definitely wasnt the case cus im definitely just bi and that ive definitely had a massive crush on a friend. but now that i know that last part i feel kinda heartbroken i guess cus i keep looking back at old messages and see all the chances ive missed to do something with it and now i feel like im definitely too late. im mostly over it now but it still hurt to find out that i felt that way, besides the fact that ive figured that out makes me feel kind of happy cus it means ive grown as a person and now i even have a new opportunity with that friend who helped me :3
ive also realized that if you feel lonely you can just. say anything. to someone. and theyll ususally talk back. kindof an insane invention tbh
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clownmoontoon · 7 months ago
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RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/
YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!
i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:
cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)
ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT
i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.
SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;
aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet
ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.
i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.
i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks
"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"
and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc
instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"
i was in complete shock
i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.
it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them
for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere
once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild
ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc
any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol
realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening
i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??
apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao
sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"
i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to
it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted
my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol
my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister
suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA
ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts
she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf
we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail
im very tired
i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry
its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)
the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately
she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)
my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO
i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;
FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now
my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse
OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3
SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥
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arobats · 4 months ago
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list (for my own reference) of spn fanfics im pretending ill write some day in the future (and has also somehow become a list of some of my favorite fics??)
disclaimer that this is going to be long and will probably never actually get done but i need a place to put this all so they stop bouncing around my head ; you will almost definitely see a trend, yes i know its there, shut up let me have this ; if you have thoughts / suggestions / etc feel free to let me know
canon divergence:
s5, sam drinks cas or gabriel's blood to kill lucifer like he did lilith
idk i like a nice!lucifer au where sam doesnt end up in the cage bc fuck u :)
s5, lucifer comes out of the cage not wanting the apocalypse or to fight his brothers (rehabilitated, somehow removed mark of cain, some other evil god!chuck theory?) and teams up with sam to try to stop michael and raphael
s4 au where both John and Dean get resurrected bc that'd be so fucked up
going off the one above, What If? and Watching Over You as inspiration / spinning off of them
s2, sam keeps contact with all the special kids he talks to and they have a group chat going, work together to stop azazel (a bundle of sticks my beloved)
idk what exactly but i just really love Sam Winchester School of Hunting and Sam's Network of Baby Hunters so some kind of take on that, sam collecting all the kids esp the not-exactly-human ones under his wings
s5e6, sam goes with jesse / takes jesse and runs from cas and dean, now he has a reason to live and not self-sacrifice
s2e14 buabs au where sam is possessed longer than the few weeks that meg has him, he ends up pregnant with a cambion (trans man sam probably, but cis man sam if i want even more of a body horror angle)
wtlb au where sam does die in the panic room, gets resurrected by probably zachariah because ew, does dean even realize what happened, sam refuses to rejoin dean and bobby after lucifer rises
Last Minute twist, of sam realizing at the last minute that lilith isn't fighting back, refuses to kill her
a la Babel and A Father's Protection and Learning to Live Again, sam gets help from others during s5 and probably gabriel as well to put an end to the apocalypse
sam keeps in contact with missouri and is better prepared for cold oak, doesn't die
even more divergent from canon or pre-canon:
pilot, jess is a witch / in the know, sam has developed his psychic abilities more, so jess doesnt die - would sam stay or would jess go hunting? unsure. just want witchy jess
re above, You Can Always Go Home my beloved as inspiration
some sort of not-human sam, either cambion or nephil sam - developing powers early, hiding them from d&j, etc etc etc
a combination of this post and Been Away Too Long because im so weak for samjess and i refuse to apologize for that
some sort of boyking sam because its a classic (inspiration from Demonic Politics Verse)
post s3 au where instead of going off with ruby, sam realizes hes spiraling hard and actually tries to stop doing that by bunkering down with the harvelles (he and jo become besties, he discovers his psychic powers can work without the blood, jo calls dean out in metamorphosis, etc etc etc)
this post of mine :)
Ties That Bind by monpetittresor as inspiration for sam&adam post-cage (just gonna rec basically anything by this author bc love love love love love)
one of them "sam is actually lucifer and just doesnt know it like anna didnt know she was an angel" aus
crossovers:
criminal minds of course - they cross paths with the bau on a hunt, you know how it goes, and obviously samspencer
lucifer (tv show) - so many ideas for this one
s2e18 hollywood babylon lucifer is on a case with chloe and crosses paths with sam, instant connection
s3 au where sam hears about this guy calling himself lucifer and sneaks away from dean to try to see if this guy is the real thing and if he could break deans deal
s4 au where lucifer realizes the seals are breaking (my favorite explanation of the cage lucifer vs lucifer tv is in The Real Devil, basically the caged version is the part of his grace that he cut out because it has the mark of cain on it, but lucifer himself isnt in the cage) and goes to find his "true" vessel to see if he's reasonable enough to try to help stop this
s5 au where the caged grace is released and lucifer in LA is like "oh shit oh shit oh shit put that thing back where it came from or so help me" and helps sam out with that whole thing
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tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang · 1 year ago
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Hello❤️! So I was wondering if you could create a post about my request that I will tell you now, because I really want to hear your opinion on it.
So my friend and I both watch Tokyo Revengers and we both read the manga and everything and we just love to talk about it. Our opinions and “theories” would mostly be (it includes Mikey), what if Draken was pressured by Mikey into being around Emma, protecting her and in the end loving her.
So our opinion is based on a fact that Draken is doing everything for everyone and putting himself last. First off the nature of Drakens and Mikeys friendship-Draken looked up on Mikey and through the years got the habbit of doing everything he says and doesn't, and now we know that Emma was really important to him as well as her happiness (everyone excluding her as a child, being alone etc.). So what we think was going on is rather in the beggining Mikey was the one pulling the strings between the two and as the years went by-Mikey making Toman and being the leader of it- Draken wasn't in a position to say no as well as the other members of Toman. It was shown that no one has a problem with Emma and even if she was the most likable person ever it is not possible to get along with everyone. basically people couldn't say no to Mikey and couldn't stay on Emma's bad side and in those people we include Draken.
Another point that I already mentioned a lot is Mikey. Through the story it got shown more then once that Mikey lost respect for Draken, for example when Taiju said how Mikey trust Izana more then Draken, and like he knew Draken since they were like 10? or when they had a meeting about letting Kisaki in and yes Mikey was manipulated but he didn't even consider Drakens opinion, his literal right hand and best friend, and Draken isn't stupid he had to realize it at one point so that rises a question why didn't back away?
Draken has no one. He grew up in a place where he did without good role models and like 1 person that would look at him as a kid. He had Mitsuya but Mitsuya also had his sisters to take care of, and Draken was surely aware if that so the only person he had was Mikey who already lost respect for him and was ready to replace him, the only thing keeping him in his place was always doing things for Mikey and never saying no. Not saying that they didn't love each other, they surely did but deaken surely had a pressure of being replaced and loosing the only person he could be with. So the main question, considering your page, does Draken really loves Emma or is he just pressured by Mikey? It is said that it was Mikeys dream for Emma and Draken to be together and have a family. And also like I said that Draken didnt have anyone so I also think that he sticked around the Sano siblings because he didnt want to be alone. And also in the future where its said like “Takemichi and Hina are married but Emma always spends time at their place, and Emma is pregnant…”, Draken and Emma are almost not even spending time together.
I would love if you could take some of your time to replay ro my request because I really want to hear your opinion on this.
Btw i really love everything you write! Keep it up!❤️❤️
(English is not my first language sorry if there are mistakes)
Oh I've never heard that before, it's an interesting pov! I could definitely see it from the perspective of Draken putting others before himself, Draken is a very selfless guy and we see it a whole lot throughout the series. He's definitely not a pushover to Mikey though and will stand his ground when he thinks Mikey is wrong about something. I'm also not sure Mikey would've even realised that's what was going on, I mean when he first sees Draken and Emma talking, his first response is to think they're gossiping about him. (Lmao)
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He obviously realises their feelings at some point but he definitely doesn't seem perceptive enough to notice that early on, more so in Emma's case here since she seems to be the one who fell first.
I do think that a lot of the toman members were forced to get along with Emma though. Not forced as in it was hard for them but more like before they even met her they knew to never cross the boss's sister. I mean Hina had no reason to get along with her but did so rather quickly so I'm assuming Emma is a nice person who is fairly easy to get along with anyways. There probably were some people in toman who didn't like her or wouldn't like her but we don't really get to see her interact with them or see their pov's.
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I also don't think Mikey lost respect for Draken at those points either, I think it was more like he just had more trust in the others rather then losing trust in Draken. We know family is very important to Mikey so it makes sense that he latched onto Izana to help fill the space his dead siblings had left. With Kisaki although I agree Mikey was in the wrong for not listening to the others here. I understand that he did this because he was desperate, he knew he needed help and cared for the others too much to get them involved so he turned to someone he thought could help. He was scared and people don't always make good choices when they're scared.
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We've never seen Draken have any kind of insecurity about losing Mikey but I like the idea of it. I think it would make sense for him to be worried about losing someone so close, we know he adores Mikey. Though I also think he understands Mikey very well and knows that Mikey probably wouldn't just replace him over something like that.
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As for Emma spending a lot of time at Takemichi and Hina's place in the future, it's not said but I've always assumed it's because Draken is working a lot. He does have a wife and kid on the way to support and I'm not sure how time consuming his career is but it seems like something that would take up a lot of his time. Which would leave Emma alone so she goes to Hina's place instead to hang out with her. This is just speculation though since none of this is mentioned in the last character book.
All in all I do think Draken loves Emma, Draken would do a lot of things for Mikey but marrying his sister and spending the rest of his life with her seems a bit too much. Though just because I think that doesn't mean the hc or anything is wrong. I can definitely see certain aspects of it and it was fun to think about all these different things! It was a cool hc to read about!
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likeadevils · 4 months ago
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idk if this is commons knowledge and I’m the only one that doesn’t know, but when Taylor said that Harry used to live next to her did she mean in London or LA?
THIS IS ACTUALLY WAYYYYY MORE COMPLICATED THAN PEOPLE REALIZE. to answer your question yes they lived very close to each other in LA (i believe it caused HAYLOR IS BACK to trend on twitter when it was announced harry bought the house). long answer she’s likely fibbing a little bit when she talked about it but also she might never have said it
so i believe you’re referencing this:
oh, some extra info on IWYW. cant remember if ive already shared this, if i have im sorry, if i havent then here. taylor wrote that after a couple of months after her and harry broke up, and they decided to become friends again, and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didnt work out. and he said how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. and every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. and she said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. she compared it to a classic movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. and thats why the song has the lyrics of "driving straight ahead", opposed to taking the left turn to see her.
as far as i can tell the tumblr post i linked is the earliest surviving source for her saying this— someone saying a likely 1989 sessioner said it to them. i can’t find the the actual sessioner’s account (admittedly, i haven’t tried in a couple years, and ive gotten way better at searching old websites). so it might be a fabrication, but taylor can also can be a bit silly with her recounting of events so it might just be her telling a wee fib. but no matter what this is likely some level of a simplification
iwyw was likely written in late may 2013 (that’s coming from an aggravate of multiple sources that’s too hard to cite here, but it’s all that’s in the 1989 timeline in my pinned). at the time, taylor had two houses in LA (one appears to be a guest house, we only learned about it when she sold it in 2018), one in rhode island, and one in nashville. it is almost definitely referring to her LA house though, because harry never lived in the other two places.
HOWEVER harry didn’t buy a house in LA until march 2014, after taylor finished 1989 (non-taylor’s version). now, i’ve heard he was staying with a friend in LA in 2013 who lived close to her house, but i haven’t been able to independently verify it, and it was from a haylor account so i am wary of bias. there’s also no evidence of them talking until august 2013, three months after she probably wrote iwyw, but that’s easy enough to hide from the public.
tldr the sourcing is questionable and the story doesn’t match up with publicly available facts. there are alternative explanations with even more dubious sourcing. taylor lies for the sake of a better story a fair amount but also she is capable of hiding big things from the public. draw conclusions as you will but be aware that they are built on sand
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suckishima · 4 months ago
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haikyuu rewatch s01e01
i've been itching to rewatch the series lately and a few years ago i did something similar for miraculous ladybug where i wrote up like a stream of consciousness/commentary post and made a gifset for each episode and i wanna try to do it again for haikyuu?? we'll see if i stay committed or not lol—gifsets per ep probably a lot more likely to continue than commentaries tbh, these things are long and not thought out so,
anyway let's start with episode 1, who wants to take bets on how many times i get teary-eyed?
ughhhhh how did i not know IMMEDIATELY my first time watching what a fucking banger of a show this would be. this opening scene is sooo aah. the voice over with the sounds of the balls and shoes, the actual content of the 'a tall tall wall' monologue, and then the visuals of just hinatas shoes stepping up to the line and then 'it was a view i could never see on my own' and the rest of the teams shoes step in??? FUCK
holyyyyy and bc im obsessed i know who is who based on their shoes in that lineup and after thir 'onigaishimasu' and they run onto the court they all run in at different speeds?? and like tanaka goes quick and kageyama bounces on his toes and tsukki is all like unenthusiastic?? what the fuCK bro
its been literally 40 seconds and im in awe aaah
oh.. oh no it's the intro. i was joking before about getting teary-eyed but uhhh
how long has it been since i watched season 1 omgg 😭😭😭
gOD the opening is so good, not just imagination but the visuals rrr the practicing shots and the animation on all the volleyball looks so great wowow
one of the less talked about of the many crimes of getting movies instead of a 5th season is definitely the loss of another amazing opening and ending
damn did i really never realize that karasuno of the little giant's time didnt JUST go to nationals but theyre playing on center court when hinata catches them on tv? meaning its either the semi finals or finals, damn lol
hmmmm i am already conflicted about whether or not i wanna talk about manga spoilers in these writeups lmao. tumblr blockout spoiler text WHEN
anywayyyy manga readers hinata on his bike watching little giant on tv iykyk (and if you know me lol) right
rrrr the imagery of the crow flying into hinata from the screen with still the sounds of the balls and whistles aaah what a cool way to show inspiriation
huh, the libero is no.2 not no.4 is that manga accurate from just before furudate decided that it was a Thing for karasuno or did the animation not check?
okay i checked and you literally can only see the little giant in the manga and none of the rest of the team so im calling it an oversight on the animation side lol (understandable, tbh when youre just making people up to fill in the shot, you arent thinking about jersey lore)
no one cares but my japanese is surprisingly better than when i first watched (at which time i knew nothing) and i can actually understand a few bits here and there without the subs
reading the occasional katakana in the background is fun too. mmmm i should try looking at og scans of the manga to see how the sound effects are intended to be read, ive heard the way furudate incorporates the characters into the action as the sound itself is really well done
air salonpas!
oooo one of the teams practicing spikes had one guy hit left handed, thats a fun detail!
dude hinatas friends are such homies i swearrrr
'whats our opponent kitagawa daiichi even like' 'idk! but we're gonna win!' lmaooo hinata you coulda done SOME research
ooo the shot of kitagawa walking in and looming above hinata is so well done, they look huuuge. i know factually that kindaichi and kunimi are tall but i tend to forget, kunimi especially, hes got short energy to me 😅
yessss and the shot of kagyama walking by and just like his Aura is enough for hinata to pick up on the king vibes yooo its so goood
kitagawa daiichi banner is just 'victory' lol okay
i could use some of hinatas blind confidence in my life lmao
oh jk its bathroom tummy ache time
man the set up for kageyama as like powerful early on is SO good, weve only seen him twice so far and both times it all above the king cape, which im pretty sure is also supposed to represent how hinata sees him which rrrr what a great way to set up their dynamic knowing everything that's to come. greatest opponent to greatest ally etc etc
also thinking about how this IS basically all hinatas POV (including the quote i just referenced) and what kageyamas POV of hinata is when he looks back on it all 👀
kageyama telling hinata he shouldnt talk big bc he isnt even physically ready (referencing tummy ache), and hinata right off the bat telling kageyama 'the six of us go all the way' and kageyama responds 'i will win every game' oooo yep they both got some things to learn from each otherr
seriously how is hinata like the friendliest person on the planet. his team is SO bad and all he cares about is that he's finally on the court, he's so positive and determined even when they're doing terribly and his friends dont know wtf is going on
🥺🥺🥺 he's so happy seeing his palm all red after spiking the ball successfully the first time waaah
sjkhdk i always laugh at 'well there IS a foxy senpai on the girls team' lmaoo like he could have just ignored that part of the question, and who translated it to 'foxy' anyway lmaoo
koji, soccer friend, coming in for a foot receive! he missed lol but for real hinatas friends are so cool showing up for him like this
i mean, they are also avoiding him when he tries to practice throughout middle school, but they showed up here when it counts
love that you can see the 'mild internal bleeding,' as kuroo would call it, on izumi's arms when he tells hinata that his arms hurt lol
akjhsakjsasj they hype hinatas jumping skills, the music swells, you think hes got it, aaaand then immediately triple blocked and the music cuts back out lmaoo. honestly, love how haikyu always plays with expectations like that
half time serve routines my beloved.... i miss you..
'we keep trying.. because we havent lost yet' <333
but also kunimi, what a mood lmao
the animation on hinatas slide hit after the toss missss aaaah, and kageyamas bangs like whipping in the wind before he reaches as far as he can aah god this whole sequence is so beautiful
kageyama after knowing hinata for roughly 30 minutes: "this guy overwhelms me" skagsajsa
he has every quality to be someone even better but—WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THESE PAST 3 YEARS?? 😭😭😭😭
karasuno senpai in the crowd!! related dumb question time, why isnt tanakas hair blond here? he should be a first year atm, and the beginning of the ep said this match is about 3 years and 3 months after little giants nationals (which is in january, although iirc the month changed sometime around those years so possibly it was in march during his time—hence why call 'spring tournament') but either way if hinata and kageyama are still middle school third years then tanaka should be a first year and thats when his hair was blonde. likely in universe answer i guess is just that this tournament is after the practice match where karasuno loses badly and gets made fun of which makes tanaka respect his senpai more and shave his head lol. which also, if hes here with them at this middle school tournament also makes sense with that so. question answered i guess
'if you want to be the last one standing then become strong' waaah
awwww the first years that he recruited to fill out his team stayed with him to practice with the middle school girls team!! they caught the volleyball bug <3
not me pausing to try and see which one of them is the foxy senpai..
lmaoooo the "old ladies team" that hinata practices with are called the yukigoaka beauties lol nice
yoooo hinatas running toward the gym for the first time and a crow flys away and a feather crossed in front of hinata niiiiice
let me tell you i had relatively low expectations for haikyu my very first time. i just wanted something easy to watch while i ate my lunch during the day, and i thought it would just be a predictable underdog story where hinata gets revenge for middle school. and i wasnt against that, i was relatively entertained this whole episode, then it gets to the end and reveals that kageyama has to be his teammate and i was like OH this is gonna be GOOD good. immediately have me hope and reassurance that the show knew what it was doing and wasnt gonna just be typical cliches etc
fuck i wish i could watch again for the first time
i warned you this would be long lol, honestly these writeups are more for me in the future to like remember my thoughts etc and like i said we'll see if i keep it up lol
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stackslip · 6 months ago
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augh yeah as much as i do love the parts of COS that are very obviously trying to do something competent and genuine, the amestris parts are just so ????
ill be honest, im pretty sure i blocked those scenes out, so remembering that what happened on the amestris side is. yikes
definitely wish the movie was more focused and didnt try to add as much as it did. especially roy -- i dont mind the beginning, hell i think him exiling himself to the north is a good concept, but the fact that he takes back his position (iirc) is just. so are we throwing away the character development and him realizing that he CANT change the military from the inside or what.
in general i honestly wanted to see less of the military cast. they frankly dont have much reason to be there other than the fact people wanted to see them (esp armstrong... just. WHY). im sure there are still ways to work in roy if the creators really wanted him to be there but like. idk! they sure didnt have to do it like that! we couldve spent more time on exploring noah as a character. or let izumi die on screen. sigh
been a while since i rewatched COS but thanks for pointing out all the weird stuff, i'd almost forgotten it and i honestly shouldn't.
(and of course i have to say i love your posts on the series proper. i will never be normal about scar. ever)
the second i saw roy in there i was like why is roy still in the military at all. wasn't his whole arc about realizing that he can't do shit within the military because it is an institution built on atrocities and exploitation? why is he still in it then. why is he talking about serving his country. why's he talking about waiting for ED that makes no fucking SENSE. (why is he alive. someone said they thought roy was supposed to die by the end of 03 but they kept him alive bc he's a fan fave and i wholly believe this frankly). why is the country's military still seemingly intact with a whole surveillance network, when 03 ended on the military being severely crippled and amestris's neighbours getting ready to invade it and bring it to its knees? why are we literally seeing *the fucking weimar republic* in cos only for amestris to not parallel it in any way and instead be the brotherhood-type funland where once you've taken out the mean führer, everything is fine and there's nothing to fix?
and like. this is a short movie right! i know that they were denied a season, maybe even a season and a half to finish off the show and that some elements of cos were meant to be in the og show's ending. and it shows! bc again munich is fucking reasonably competent considering how much is crammed in on hour thirty. and i know that cos's production was also rushed as hell and that as an Anime Movie they were contractually obligated to 1) put as many recurring fan faves in as possible 2) have at least a third of the movie be a big action scene. so like. i can understand the limits. you have no time, you're told you have to put all this shit in, you want to finish off the brothers' story at the very least. but my gd! you're telling me you had an izumi death scene and it doesn't happen??? you could cut roy out ENTIRELY from this. you could not put ARMSTRONG IN LIORE. you could..... i know they had no time at all, i know once again it was 03 being shafted by production committees and time and budget but it's legit insane how the very stupid and seemingly innocuous choice of having armstrong "rebuild" liore comedically completely slapped me out of whatever headspace cos had managed to slip me in before. i was enjoying it a lot until we got to amestris. and this armstrong thing, followed by rose's line here:
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it's just. it's almost comedic. i'm almost wondering if the writer is fucking with me here and acknowledging just how stupid it is to put armstrong doing alchemy in liore is. probably not but gd this is bad. this is brotherhood levels of obliviousness to the themes.
anyhow i'm not finishing cos tonight bc i'm too pissed about it lol. it's funny bc for years i was told it was bad but for the opposite reasons that it's actually bad. like folks kept saying the munich parts were bad/stupid/wrong and made no sense when to me they're by far the most thematically coherent and interesting/emotional bits of it. i LOVE the relationship between noah and ed. and like, i know the bar is is in hell when it comes to depicting roma on screen, but i can't help but appreciate the little and big ways both noah and her people get humanized, how they feel like the most real and concrete part of this world ed insists is a dream or hell. but really, genuinely noah is so good, alfons's weird crush on ed is hysterical, the general atmosphere and research around 1923 munich seems genuinely thoughtful (and it also tells me that the writers had been thinking about this long, long before even 03 ended). i genuinely believe that making munich! hugues a nazi sympathizer and a racist is a really inspired and brave choice that makes the audience reflects THEIR hugues and how the amestrian military behaved. so anyhow these parts are good, genuinely. it's sad that that's the first third and then you get thrown into this mess, and there's still a whole stupid nazi battle to come. it's stupid. it's stupid especially bc there's a genuine part of the movie that IS smart and thoughtful. it'd be so much easier if all of it were bad, or if the difference between the writing in each part weren't so obvious. anyhow. i wanna finish cos bc i wanna see wrath's arc end and envy eating hoheinheim and ed/al reunion and more of noah. but also i think i'm gonna be writing off large chunks of it lol.
(also thank you very much, i'm trying to preach 03 to whoever i can whenever i can. appreciate the love)
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