#no i definitely didnt just realize that i never posted it what are you talking about

[nyxx-nth]

The MaryKat playlist 🥳

It's not super long still but whateva 🙄

[foxcassius]

wait also my tags on that post were about people i knew in freshman and sophomore year of college specifically. i mean some of them i knew after that and most of them i knew from high school but damn some people really made everything about themselves when i was being emotionally manipulated in my freshman year

[the-s1lly-corner]

If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?

I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.

TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !

oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me

CAINE:

if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too

POMNI:

as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence

JAX:

similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so

RAGATHA:

stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.

KINGER:

it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident

ZOOBLE:

zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.

"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security

GANGLE:

she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form

[fatuismooches]

Dw hahahaha I'm still alive just dying over ( why did I chose to study a PHD 😭 ) But im on a break from school so except so a lot more brainrot from me lmao, also sorry if this is jumbly kinda just put my words out there hahaha

I know we always talk about fragile reader during the illness but what about after? Fragile reader was plauged with this illness for hundreds of years so they deffinently adapted. Like typically when walking then would shuffle their feet a lot cause it took less energy so sometime they shuffle their feet and don't even realize. They didnt have the ability to do tasks such a pouring liquids into cups so whenever they're about to pour themselves a glass of water then to do collect themselves because what if their illness comes back? What if there dreaming and they'll suddenly drop everything. All of Zandik's work is reverted. So often times segments will just find reader staring intensely at a simple task. And of course they'll go comfort reader. Whilst they wish they could do it they know how much reader wants their autonomy back after such a restrictive few centuries.

But let not ignore the segments and Prime cause they've picked up a few habits also. They've gotten used to treating reader as fragile as glass so whenever they fall or trip post illness they freak out. It would require some comfort from reader to bring them back to earth and remember that reader is no longer ill. But you KNOW that they're pulling out every healing treatment they've got. They're all evil and sadistic doctors but for you they'll be good. <4

But regarding Zandik himself... Well he was so excited to finally have cured his lover that he completely forgot about the effects you'd suffer after. So when a few segments report of you not being completely free of your curse he's immediately trying to figure out how he can help you. He decides that the best thing to do is to be there for you. It typically is unusual to see the Doctor away from his work but now it's the norm for Il Doctors to be with his lover.

- Jellofish Anon

After being sick for so long, one would think you'd be ecstatic to finally be cured, to be free of the illness that plagued your body and life so much. And well, they were right, but the happiness still came with its anxieties. Change was never an easy thing, even when it was the good type. After dealing with this for so many years, you were bound to still be nervous about doing certain things. To not have the confidence in yourself to carry out the task. You worry that you'll mess up or fail and waste your time trying to do so and just end up making more of a problem for yourself and others. Even though you know that's illogical now, it's hard to get out of a mindset you've been stuck with for so long. Of course, your inner conflict doesn't go unnoticed by your lovers, and each segment would provide their own kind of comfort based on who they are, whether gruffly or soothingly, to give you the courage to take back your life.

You can't exactly blame Dottore and the segments for being overbearing, after all, they've witnessed your weak state for numerous centuries, and they've seen you hit your lowest many times too. They can't help but worry about their darling too. It's endearing at first but you have to hold them and help them realize that was the past you, the new you is someone different thanks to them. You can be strong and safe and independent without them now, even if it sort of makes them crazy knowing the situations you put yourself in now. Still, they observe you very much even when you least expect it.

Of course, the cure is not without its drawbacks - you still have to deal with the lingering effects of your illness sometimes. Which definitely aren't as bad as before, but they still serve to remind you of your old life. But you know that regardless of what the future may bring, you'll always have Dottore by your side to ease whatever pains you have.

(Dottore post-illness would be such a cutie. It's such a rewarding feeling, to see the one he loves no longer burdened and free to pursue what they want just like he does. He would sit and listen to all the stories you have for him each day, all the exciting things you can do now, the days of pain in the past. Of course, the segments would be extremely excited to finally have a worthy assistant - you - but there's only one of you after all. Unfortunately, they have to share, and bear the painful curse of having you to themselves once nearly every two weeks.)

(I've been planning to make this a full fic for like a year...)

[leeneir]

Missions; Iso x GN!Reader Headcanons-Drabble

Ok so funny story, I was planning on posting a fic actually but my dumbass wrote it on tumblr and didnt save itand my phone died and i lost 90% of my progress so heres a drabble/headcanons I have abt missions with Iso

Not proofread, tbh none of my posts are💀

On your first mission together which also happened to be Iso's very first so he was still lesrning the ropes, you'd be the one aside from a senior member on your team to help guide him.

You two are stationed together on one site and he keeps making comments and asking questions about a lot of things to the point where you wonder if this really was the feared 'Dead Lilac', it was difficult to imagine when he was acting like he's seeing the sky for the firsy time.

But then the first bullet whizzes past, and Iso does a complete 180. He's no longer talking or making remarks, instead, he emits a purple aura, his eyes glowing, filled with concentration and determination, ready to take on the enemy. It was kinda hot in your opinion.

You may have been an agent longer than him, but he definitely has more experience. Iso saved you from getting shot dozens of times, throwing himself infront of you and coming out of it unscathed because he had his shield up.

The mission is a success via team elimination, you secure the spike and everyone goes home. Iso, however, is blanked out and isn't paying attention to anything around him. It's as if he's a mindless machine. You decide to sit down with him on the V/LTR and offer him a snack, he instantly snaps out of it and takes the snack grstefully.

You aren't assigned on another mission together for a while, and during that time, you hear stories about how much of a monster he is on the field from the others. You bring that up to him to compliment, but he's bashful about it.

You note how he isn't bashful about his skills when the others compliment him, and you wonder why you keep catching him looking at you. Every time you do, you notice how the tips of his ears are a tinge bit red.

The day comes when you two are assigned together, and it just so happens you two are put on a site together again. While you're setting up, he comes up to you, sheepishly asking what the plan was because... he forgot to read the mission brief...

You wonder how tf he forgot to read the brief when it was one of the most important things and explain it to him anyway. Though, he looked like he wasn't really paying attention, he was just staring at you with a look you've never seen before.

The enemy rush in on the opposite site and you two rotate over, watching each other's 6 oclock. You lead through while Iso is behind you, following closely with his focus unmatched.

The spike is planted, you guys get the picks. The rest of the team is down, leaving it up to you and him. Iso gets most of them, there's only one enemy left.

Iso doesn't realize it, but someone is aiming for him. You see it, and you push him out of the way as you shoot the last guy. Unfortunately, they also shot a bullet which grazed your side, leaving a deep gash.

He's panicking, how the hell did he let this happen? He can see the blood seeping through your clothing and he almost forgets everything. You yell at him to defuse the spike which manages to snap him out of it as you apply pressure to the wound.

Once the spike is defused, Iso immediately runs back to you, the precision and focus he has as a master assassin is half way out the window as he's performing first aid on you. He's apologizing over and over again for not being careful, while at the same time scolding you for taking the bullet. HE'S the bulletproof one here, not you.

Iso calls for backup and updates HQ about the mission status before turning his attentioned back to you. He's still upset about your injury, and scolds you again.

You make up some sort of excuse, having realized the reason why you did what you did. Iso continues to get upset over it and is asking you why you would do that.

You got really annoyed by his scolding and you tell him to shut up before grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a kiss.

[dystychiphxbia]

☆ - Gym crush!

gn!reader

im just in my gym rat era so i had to do this...i didnt want this to be the first fic i publish but here we are...

v small nsfw mention in sae's part

characters; kunigami, sae, rin

Kunigami Rensuke;

pre-wc;

you meet at the gym, both relatively new to it

you learn together, always trying out new things

never ask for each other's number but still somehow end up at the gym at the same time

"what are you hitting today?" "it's leg day" "aw sucks to be you...jk i'll join you"

"need a spotter?"

he's definitely your gym crush and you always try to look extra good in front of him

trust me he's doing the same

always helps you rerack your weights!

gym bros till death do you apart

death or...blue lock.

post-wc;

kunigami just disappears for MONTHS and comes back like nothing happened

except now he wont even greet you

he completely ignores you when you ask him where he's been

you are motivated to show him your progress but you don't see him even glancing at you

"need a spotter" you would ask him, but he would simply say you are too weak

and looking at his weights, he's right

like damn how many plates is he squatting??

he would still save you if you failed a bench press though

"thanks...but i would've gotten it" "stop lying to urself"

maybe he warms up to you eventually...

i mean you never stopped going to the gym, it shows your resolve

and you didn't change at all, you still work as hard as ever and look so damn good while doing so.

Itoshi Rin;

he noticed how every sunday, you would run on the treadmill for at least an hour straight

how fast are u going??? he would always try to sneak a glance at your settings when he walks past

he would also do his warm ups on the treadmills, secretly cheering when only the one next to you is available

one sunday, you aren't there

he's actually...worried? you are there every single sunday, so why not now?

he's so relieved to see you there the sunday after that, maybe you were just sick

the thing is, he doesn't see you on any other days. he's hoping it's just cause you go at a different time, and not because you only go on sundays...

nah you have too much muscle for you to only go to gym once a week to run

but he wont change his workout times just for some person he sees once a week at the gym...until he does.

he starts going a bit earlier and later, hoping to catch at least a glimpse of you

it takes a while but he's finally there at the same time as you

you notice him, "i havent seen you here at this time before"

he's flustered, you've actually noticed him and are now talking to him???

"yeah, just changing things up a bit." he just wanted to see u!!

u always ask him to spot you and he just cant say no

one time you almost got crushed under the bar because he was busy admiring your face

yeah...he definitely has a crush on you!! but will he ever take it a step further...probably not. have you noticed...? of course you have, that's exactly why you always ask him.

Itoshi Sae;

this guy has been watching you squat since day 1

eyes glued to your ass, maybe it wasn't so impressive in the beginning but it definitely is now

he makes sure to always be at the gym when it's your squat day

of course you've noticed...you make sure to wear those gym pants that make your ass look so good!!

sometimes he stares for too long, suddenly realizing that he's just been sitting for 10 minutes

one day you come up to him, saying that you are gonna attempt a pr and need a spotter

jesus christ he almost choked on his drink

"sure." staying as cool as ever.

but watching your ass from so close almost stirs up a problem in his pants

"good job." he'll say to you afterwards, walking off.

you are kind of disappointed, he's always looking at you and that's all you get??

but no worries he'll be thinking of that sight for a while!!

slowly adjusts his schedule so that he's always coming on the same days as you

makes sure that only he spots you

also makes sure that no one else glances your way when you are squatting

cause you are HIS gym crush, not anyone else's

one day he finally gets the courage to actually talk to you

he's surprised when you call him by his name but then he remembers that he's basically a celebrity

you introduce yourself, and he's so close to asking you out on the spot

"i've seen you play on the tv, you are so good! i'd love to learn to play!"

Perfect.

he asks u to come with him to the field after your workout for lesson number one

about damn time, you think

playing football after a leg workout wasn't the easiest but maybe sae made it a bit easier for you to manage

[cumulo-stratus]

BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Hello❤️! So I was wondering if you could create a post about my request that I will tell you now, because I really want to hear your opinion on it.

So my friend and I both watch Tokyo Revengers and we both read the manga and everything and we just love to talk about it. Our opinions and “theories” would mostly be (it includes Mikey), what if Draken was pressured by Mikey into being around Emma, protecting her and in the end loving her.

So our opinion is based on a fact that Draken is doing everything for everyone and putting himself last. First off the nature of Drakens and Mikeys friendship-Draken looked up on Mikey and through the years got the habbit of doing everything he says and doesn't, and now we know that Emma was really important to him as well as her happiness (everyone excluding her as a child, being alone etc.). So what we think was going on is rather in the beggining Mikey was the one pulling the strings between the two and as the years went by-Mikey making Toman and being the leader of it- Draken wasn't in a position to say no as well as the other members of Toman. It was shown that no one has a problem with Emma and even if she was the most likable person ever it is not possible to get along with everyone. basically people couldn't say no to Mikey and couldn't stay on Emma's bad side and in those people we include Draken.

Another point that I already mentioned a lot is Mikey. Through the story it got shown more then once that Mikey lost respect for Draken, for example when Taiju said how Mikey trust Izana more then Draken, and like he knew Draken since they were like 10? or when they had a meeting about letting Kisaki in and yes Mikey was manipulated but he didn't even consider Drakens opinion, his literal right hand and best friend, and Draken isn't stupid he had to realize it at one point so that rises a question why didn't back away?

Draken has no one. He grew up in a place where he did without good role models and like 1 person that would look at him as a kid. He had Mitsuya but Mitsuya also had his sisters to take care of, and Draken was surely aware if that so the only person he had was Mikey who already lost respect for him and was ready to replace him, the only thing keeping him in his place was always doing things for Mikey and never saying no. Not saying that they didn't love each other, they surely did but deaken surely had a pressure of being replaced and loosing the only person he could be with. So the main question, considering your page, does Draken really loves Emma or is he just pressured by Mikey? It is said that it was Mikeys dream for Emma and Draken to be together and have a family. And also like I said that Draken didnt have anyone so I also think that he sticked around the Sano siblings because he didnt want to be alone. And also in the future where its said like “Takemichi and Hina are married but Emma always spends time at their place, and Emma is pregnant…”, Draken and Emma are almost not even spending time together.

I would love if you could take some of your time to replay ro my request because I really want to hear your opinion on this.

Btw i really love everything you write! Keep it up!❤️❤️

(English is not my first language sorry if there are mistakes)

Oh I've never heard that before, it's an interesting pov! I could definitely see it from the perspective of Draken putting others before himself, Draken is a very selfless guy and we see it a whole lot throughout the series. He's definitely not a pushover to Mikey though and will stand his ground when he thinks Mikey is wrong about something. I'm also not sure Mikey would've even realised that's what was going on, I mean when he first sees Draken and Emma talking, his first response is to think they're gossiping about him. (Lmao)

He obviously realises their feelings at some point but he definitely doesn't seem perceptive enough to notice that early on, more so in Emma's case here since she seems to be the one who fell first.

I do think that a lot of the toman members were forced to get along with Emma though. Not forced as in it was hard for them but more like before they even met her they knew to never cross the boss's sister. I mean Hina had no reason to get along with her but did so rather quickly so I'm assuming Emma is a nice person who is fairly easy to get along with anyways. There probably were some people in toman who didn't like her or wouldn't like her but we don't really get to see her interact with them or see their pov's.

I also don't think Mikey lost respect for Draken at those points either, I think it was more like he just had more trust in the others rather then losing trust in Draken. We know family is very important to Mikey so it makes sense that he latched onto Izana to help fill the space his dead siblings had left. With Kisaki although I agree Mikey was in the wrong for not listening to the others here. I understand that he did this because he was desperate, he knew he needed help and cared for the others too much to get them involved so he turned to someone he thought could help. He was scared and people don't always make good choices when they're scared.

We've never seen Draken have any kind of insecurity about losing Mikey but I like the idea of it. I think it would make sense for him to be worried about losing someone so close, we know he adores Mikey. Though I also think he understands Mikey very well and knows that Mikey probably wouldn't just replace him over something like that.

As for Emma spending a lot of time at Takemichi and Hina's place in the future, it's not said but I've always assumed it's because Draken is working a lot. He does have a wife and kid on the way to support and I'm not sure how time consuming his career is but it seems like something that would take up a lot of his time. Which would leave Emma alone so she goes to Hina's place instead to hang out with her. This is just speculation though since none of this is mentioned in the last character book.

All in all I do think Draken loves Emma, Draken would do a lot of things for Mikey but marrying his sister and spending the rest of his life with her seems a bit too much. Though just because I think that doesn't mean the hc or anything is wrong. I can definitely see certain aspects of it and it was fun to think about all these different things! It was a cool hc to read about!

[likeadevils]

idk if this is commons knowledge and I’m the only one that doesn’t know, but when Taylor said that Harry used to live next to her did she mean in London or LA?

THIS IS ACTUALLY WAYYYYY MORE COMPLICATED THAN PEOPLE REALIZE. to answer your question yes they lived very close to each other in LA (i believe it caused HAYLOR IS BACK to trend on twitter when it was announced harry bought the house). long answer she’s likely fibbing a little bit when she talked about it but also she might never have said it

so i believe you’re referencing this:

oh, some extra info on IWYW. cant remember if ive already shared this, if i have im sorry, if i havent then here. taylor wrote that after a couple of months after her and harry broke up, and they decided to become friends again, and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didnt work out. and he said how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. and every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. and she said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. she compared it to a classic movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. and thats why the song has the lyrics of "driving straight ahead", opposed to taking the left turn to see her.

as far as i can tell the tumblr post i linked is the earliest surviving source for her saying this— someone saying a likely 1989 sessioner said it to them. i can’t find the the actual sessioner’s account (admittedly, i haven’t tried in a couple years, and ive gotten way better at searching old websites). so it might be a fabrication, but taylor can also can be a bit silly with her recounting of events so it might just be her telling a wee fib. but no matter what this is likely some level of a simplification

iwyw was likely written in late may 2013 (that’s coming from an aggravate of multiple sources that’s too hard to cite here, but it’s all that’s in the 1989 timeline in my pinned). at the time, taylor had two houses in LA (one appears to be a guest house, we only learned about it when she sold it in 2018), one in rhode island, and one in nashville. it is almost definitely referring to her LA house though, because harry never lived in the other two places.

HOWEVER harry didn’t buy a house in LA until march 2014, after taylor finished 1989 (non-taylor’s version). now, i’ve heard he was staying with a friend in LA in 2013 who lived close to her house, but i haven’t been able to independently verify it, and it was from a haylor account so i am wary of bias. there’s also no evidence of them talking until august 2013, three months after she probably wrote iwyw, but that’s easy enough to hide from the public.

tldr the sourcing is questionable and the story doesn’t match up with publicly available facts. there are alternative explanations with even more dubious sourcing. taylor lies for the sake of a better story a fair amount but also she is capable of hiding big things from the public. draw conclusions as you will but be aware that they are built on sand

[stackslip]

augh yeah as much as i do love the parts of COS that are very obviously trying to do something competent and genuine, the amestris parts are just so ????

ill be honest, im pretty sure i blocked those scenes out, so remembering that what happened on the amestris side is. yikes

definitely wish the movie was more focused and didnt try to add as much as it did. especially roy -- i dont mind the beginning, hell i think him exiling himself to the north is a good concept, but the fact that he takes back his position (iirc) is just. so are we throwing away the character development and him realizing that he CANT change the military from the inside or what.

in general i honestly wanted to see less of the military cast. they frankly dont have much reason to be there other than the fact people wanted to see them (esp armstrong... just. WHY). im sure there are still ways to work in roy if the creators really wanted him to be there but like. idk! they sure didnt have to do it like that! we couldve spent more time on exploring noah as a character. or let izumi die on screen. sigh

been a while since i rewatched COS but thanks for pointing out all the weird stuff, i'd almost forgotten it and i honestly shouldn't.

(and of course i have to say i love your posts on the series proper. i will never be normal about scar. ever)

the second i saw roy in there i was like why is roy still in the military at all. wasn't his whole arc about realizing that he can't do shit within the military because it is an institution built on atrocities and exploitation? why is he still in it then. why is he talking about serving his country. why's he talking about waiting for ED that makes no fucking SENSE. (why is he alive. someone said they thought roy was supposed to die by the end of 03 but they kept him alive bc he's a fan fave and i wholly believe this frankly). why is the country's military still seemingly intact with a whole surveillance network, when 03 ended on the military being severely crippled and amestris's neighbours getting ready to invade it and bring it to its knees? why are we literally seeing *the fucking weimar republic* in cos only for amestris to not parallel it in any way and instead be the brotherhood-type funland where once you've taken out the mean führer, everything is fine and there's nothing to fix?

and like. this is a short movie right! i know that they were denied a season, maybe even a season and a half to finish off the show and that some elements of cos were meant to be in the og show's ending. and it shows! bc again munich is fucking reasonably competent considering how much is crammed in on hour thirty. and i know that cos's production was also rushed as hell and that as an Anime Movie they were contractually obligated to 1) put as many recurring fan faves in as possible 2) have at least a third of the movie be a big action scene. so like. i can understand the limits. you have no time, you're told you have to put all this shit in, you want to finish off the brothers' story at the very least. but my gd! you're telling me you had an izumi death scene and it doesn't happen??? you could cut roy out ENTIRELY from this. you could not put ARMSTRONG IN LIORE. you could..... i know they had no time at all, i know once again it was 03 being shafted by production committees and time and budget but it's legit insane how the very stupid and seemingly innocuous choice of having armstrong "rebuild" liore comedically completely slapped me out of whatever headspace cos had managed to slip me in before. i was enjoying it a lot until we got to amestris. and this armstrong thing, followed by rose's line here:

it's just. it's almost comedic. i'm almost wondering if the writer is fucking with me here and acknowledging just how stupid it is to put armstrong doing alchemy in liore is. probably not but gd this is bad. this is brotherhood levels of obliviousness to the themes.

anyhow i'm not finishing cos tonight bc i'm too pissed about it lol. it's funny bc for years i was told it was bad but for the opposite reasons that it's actually bad. like folks kept saying the munich parts were bad/stupid/wrong and made no sense when to me they're by far the most thematically coherent and interesting/emotional bits of it. i LOVE the relationship between noah and ed. and like, i know the bar is is in hell when it comes to depicting roma on screen, but i can't help but appreciate the little and big ways both noah and her people get humanized, how they feel like the most real and concrete part of this world ed insists is a dream or hell. but really, genuinely noah is so good, alfons's weird crush on ed is hysterical, the general atmosphere and research around 1923 munich seems genuinely thoughtful (and it also tells me that the writers had been thinking about this long, long before even 03 ended). i genuinely believe that making munich! hugues a nazi sympathizer and a racist is a really inspired and brave choice that makes the audience reflects THEIR hugues and how the amestrian military behaved. so anyhow these parts are good, genuinely. it's sad that that's the first third and then you get thrown into this mess, and there's still a whole stupid nazi battle to come. it's stupid. it's stupid especially bc there's a genuine part of the movie that IS smart and thoughtful. it'd be so much easier if all of it were bad, or if the difference between the writing in each part weren't so obvious. anyhow. i wanna finish cos bc i wanna see wrath's arc end and envy eating hoheinheim and ed/al reunion and more of noah. but also i think i'm gonna be writing off large chunks of it lol.

(also thank you very much, i'm trying to preach 03 to whoever i can whenever i can. appreciate the love)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[wtfforged]

🖊!!!!

well im feeling awfully wizardacious rn so ill post n talk about my inspiration list for aescwynn, how about that.

see, the funny thing is, actually going into his campaign the first session, i had NO idea what aescwynns personality/character would be like. i just winged it. i tend to do that. so technically these are all like, post-inspirations. he existed and then changed after his conception. except for mando. for obvious reasons of helmetry business. but aside from that, for his design i just saw the trait in the reborn race description about phantasmal limbs replacing your missing ones and whipped up the entire design based on that. so these are all character based mostly. explanations under read more

(i swear to god i didnt forget about doing these asks its just that i realized that ive Never Actually talked about my ocs before without doodle assistance unless under extreme torture or you are my DM. these are not mutually exclusive. im shy)

mandalorian: again, obviously the helmetfreak part. antisocial, overly serious, overly quiet and very traditional/sticks to the books. however, hes a bit of a softie.

larry doompatrol: the biggest insp for his personality. like i think i unconsciously completely copied him, i just recently started slowly rewatching doom patrol after a couple years and my eyes boggled at the fact that every time this guy was on screen i was like "sighh hes so aescwynn core. they copied my stupid wizard and made him green". i have like 8 clips saved over only the first couple episodes just to look at and go god aescwynn is real they put him on tv. anyways. to put it simply, he inherited his pushover-y-ness and sopping wet personality.

olruggio wha: kind of gruff but a sweetie. modest and easily flustered. please take a nap

vash trigun: i only watched the first few episodes of 98 and stampede so i didnt know what he was ACTUALLY like. but i liked the Cowardly Acrobatic Pacifist that is actually really cool when he wants to be bit he had going. also he inspired his outfit somewhat.

caleb cr2: the least inspirational tbh but i noticed similarities in my recent attempted rewatch. shared guilty-dirty-and-sad-hobo-wizard-ness. you get the idea. so i shoved him in there

nott cr2: alcholic scaredy klepto with a terrible coping mechanism. body dysphoria. etc

extra not-really-an-insp but i realized i now draw aesc the same as i draw sanji, or like, the way i draw him is definitely inspired by oda's art, specifically the way he draws sanji and sanji's poses. theyre both just Lines and Legs at their very core. just stickbugs. living actionlines

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

Sorry, it's kind of a long ask...

hi hello!! I really enjoy your au, and the small tidbits I find here and there paint such a vivid picture in my mind. I was wondering if you could indulge me just a little. What where the moms' reactions to meeting the Omega daddies? Specifically Samantha?

Canonically, I don't think Ron ever talked about his father besides the fact that his dad died on a fishing trip and was never proud of him. I imagine he probably opened up a little to his wife, but that was it.

Followup on that tidbit, how would Ron's anchor work? Is it like traveling through Willy's mind and seeing things from his perspective, or is it an owl house "jump through these paintings of his memories and see for yourself" situation? And since we know about the doodler's influence on that course of events, do the moms see it? (Let's be honest, the dad's are not perceptive enough to see anything besides Ron struggling).

I really enjoy your au and artwork, keep up the good work :D

(sorry that only willy and barry get neat sketches here, i realized i had no real design for either of them and so took a second pass with references LMAO)

no need to apologize for a long ask! im really glad you like the au and my art, thank you so much!! sorry this reply took so long ":]

i actually think about this a LOT, because a massive staple of my specific take on this au is that the moms... arent supposed to be here! the dads were supposed to be taken instead, just like in canon, and so everyone is quite confused throughout their interactions XD like you point out - samantha doesnt know who willy is, and in fact, no one knows who anybody else is besides morgan and bill :]

their first interactions, pre-reveal, are mostly confusion on both ends. the moms have no fuckin clue whats going on. the omega daddies are scrambling to figure out what went wrong and come up with reasons why the moms suck (not hard to do). by the time the reveal comes around, the o-dads are on steadier footing, but the moms are still utterly flabbergasted. only morgan and carol ever met their fathers-in-law, and well. obviously frank is not a villain here, so only morgan recognizes anyone LMAO

as for what samantha knows of willy and how she reacted... she doesnt (didnt) know what he looks like, and she doesnt know the full of ron's experiences in childhood. she just knows, like you said, he was an abusive father who died on a fishing trip when ron was young. she definitely knows more than most, ron has opened up to her about it, but she doesnt know the details. upon meeting him, shes. well. less than impressed! samantha is notably a very forgiving and kind character, even to those they are enemies with, but willy (and the o-dads as a whole) is someone she never gives any benefit of the doubt. as soon as she learns who he is, shes over it and very on board with "well lets just kill the guy." she hates his ass!!

as for rons anchor, im still uh. not entirely sure! but it would be more an owl house jumping-into-memories thing, not traveling through willys mind instead. though that would definitely be an interesting take... not what im going for, but something to explore in the future :3c and i dont know if the moms are all that observant either LMAO so while theyd probably have a better chance of noticing the doodler, i think they would still be mostly focused on little ron :') i do really wanna do a bigger post talking about the anchors at some point, since i have them all more figured out now than i did initially. however, logically, i should just get over myself and write the fanfiction LMAO i just am not a long form writer so that seems daunting ":]

[losersroom]

could u directors cut the conversation of gay90s where it's like "I’ve been thinking about April. You know, before I left." to "“Absolutely,” says Brock, who has never understood anything less in his life"....whatever pieces of that that u want to!! i just love that conversation and would love to hear ur behind the scenes!!!!

GOD so like. alright that whole fic grew out of a conversation me and g were having Forever ago about this post, particularly the second point. and i was like, oh hey, that reminds me of this story i wanted to write about brock going to the gay 90's. and then i sat on it for like two more months.

so the important thing to take away from this is that it was only ever supposed to be that first part, where brock and jonas run into each other and then jonas sucks him off and they kind of subtly agree to not talk about it, the end. but like, i am at heart a gigantic sap and i wrote up to there and realized i couldn't leave it on the final line of. it can never happen again. because i too have been gay and closeted and sad about it, and i didnt want to give all that to brock.

(the other thing, which you didn't ask about but here it is, is like. a lot of these thoughts and attitudes i gave brock in that fic were just... how i felt, about myself and queerness and everything, at age 21/22, born and raised in the midwest. and like obviously i grew up and got over it and i'm extremely queer and trans and married now, and i want to think, hey, in this universe i'm constructing, it can get better for brock, too. we just have to get him there.)

anyway i had to then construct like. a narrative throughline from blowjobs to some sort of mutual understanding. ive said this before but i always think it's fun in these things to like, present brock's opinions and perspective and expectations and just pepper in around the edges hints of what jonas is actually thinking and feeling and doing, which. doesn't always line up. and then make people guess what's going on in his head, same way as brock is guessing. what i HOPE people took from that scene is that, you know, that whole summer brock spent thinking about jonas, jonas was thinking about him, too. trying to work out in his head if brock being there was a one-time thing or if there's an opportunity to have something more. and i DONT want to get into whether or not i think jonas actually has a history in this continuity with any of the people that brock imagines he might, because i think it's more fun to leave people room to draw their own conclusions, but he definitely has more experience with Being Queer In The NHL than brock does, and navigating that world, and being just. careful about it. exercising caution. he might want to mess around with brock again, but he has to approach it with discretion, you know, in case brock... Isn't into that. (but in my heart, because i'm me, i also like to think that jonas is interested because it's brock, not just because he's there and potentially the only one of their teammates available. u know. in my heart everybody's in love, im a romantic, i can't help it.)

so that scene was just intended as like. connective tissue. but it wound up being my favorite part of the entire fic lol. just the... palpable awkwardness of trying to figure out if a guy is interested in you. being on the same page without really being on the same page. and then jonas choosing to just hang out awkwardly and watch a terrible movie at 2 am with brock not just because he cant think of another way to extract himself from the situation now that its clear theyre not going to fuck, but because he sincerely likes spending time with this idiot, lmao. that's Real. that's a move i would have done, when i was dating.

[pinkeoni]

oh oh holy shit... Max is El's mentor. I am stupid. Why didnt I realize it before.

You're right anon! Let's talk about it actually!

Why Max is the Most Important Character in El's Story

I actually started a post about El's mentors but maybe I will just condense it all in this answer. Max actually isn't El's only mentor, she has six. Six!

And each of these mentors, negative and positive, do have an important role in El's story. You can't replace or remove any of them.

BUT, if there were a character that I would label as THE mentor, it would definitely be Max.

To explain this, let's take a look at what El's arc looks like and where it's headed.

I explain in this post using charts that El's story starts in the "Unknown World" and travels into the "Known World" where she faces the challenges of normal conventions. However, we see that she never really masters the normal world and instead becomes trapped in the Unknown World.

I also explain in this post how El being the chosen one and being the hero in the end would be damaging to her character arc.

tl;dr El's story is about becoming her own person outside of her superhero status

All of El's mentors teach El something important, but Max was the only one of these mentors who was encouraging her to find herself, the goal of El's story.

Something I just realized when I started this. But this? This moment right here?

This is TOTALLY the refusal of the call!

Unfortunately at this point El kinda has two modes, which is be badass superhero or be girlfriend, and this is a result of how sheltered she's been her whole life. She doesn't know that she has other options. But it was also important for El to refuse the call of being Max's friend, so when she returns to her in season 3, it's way more meaningful because this is El making the choice on her own to seek out Max's help.

Unfortunately, if Max is El's mentor, it means we have to experience death of the mentor as well.

And as tragic as it may be, this is an integral step towards El's self discovery. El has to face and overcome her most difficult and important challenge in season five, which is finding out who she wants to be as her own person.