#no for real its about poop

[clenastia]

me, like: "they should invent a thing that allows me to daydream the fic in my head like normal, but some program turns that daydream into a fic, because i can PICTURE the scenes and emotions but always struggle to WRITE them-"

*thinks logically about where any sort of brain-interface technology would lead*

......they should absolutely NOT invent such a thing, but by the GODS i will be mad about it until the day i die.

Having to write a difficult chapter is just me repeatedly going "urghrgh... they should invent a fic that writes itse-- *remembers AI* they should not invent a fic that writes itself"

[goblin-enjoyer]

New secondary mission in life:spread vriska and magnus the red propaganda so I can see people who are better at drawing/writing making them interact. Bonus points for every 40k fan turned to homestuck fan as well and every homestuck fan turned into a 40k fan.

[useless-catalanfacts]

Something very strange happened, and I think we need to have a talk about the way some people who don't know about Catalan culture misrepresent the Tió (our pre-Christian Christmas present-bringer, a log who poops presents 🪵🎁).

I have a relative who is a teacher in an adult school, she teaches Catalan language (mostly to immigrants). Some days ago, they were doing an activity about Catalan holidays, and two of her students said that Tió should be banned and that it's the worst thing they have ever heard. My relative was very shocked and asked why they could say such a thing (imagine, it's like saying Santa Claus should be banned in the USA). Their reasoning was that they completely misunderstood everything about it. These people are native Spanish speakers and assumed that the Catalan word "tió" (meaning "log" 🪵) means the same as the Spanish word "tío" (meaning "uncle"), even though both words are pronounced differently. They believed that the Tió represents a man and that we tell children to beat people up, so much until they poop themselves, threatening them to give us things. They said it promotes violence to children and that it's disgusting. Nothing further from the truth.

This is not an isolated incident because a few days ago I saw a post on Tumblr repeating this same mistake. I texted the person who posted it saying that it's not called "Poop Uncle" but "Christmas Log" and they said that this was what they were taught by their teacher (this person is from a different continent), and haven't taken down the post. I have also seen comments on Instagram repeating the same and making fun of how gross and violent it is.

The real meaning of Tió

The Log is a way of symbolically passing down our relation with nature. This is how the tradition works:

In early December, we get a log and bring him home. We take care of him: we keep him in a warm place, with a blanket over him, and we feed him things like orange/clementine peels and walnut shells. On Christmas day, all the family comes together. Children get wooden sticks and go get ready in another room, meanwhile adults place presents under the Log's blanket. Children come back and hit the Log while singing a song. There are many local variants of the song but they all come down to asking the Log to poop us good food. When they have finished singing the song, the children remove the blanket and discover the presents that the Log has pooped. Years ago (now this is only done by some farmer families in rural areas, but back in the day this was generalized), the Log was burned in the house's fireplace and its ashes were spread on the fields, believed to act as a magical fertilizer.

Notice what this whole "ritual" has been about: we take care of nature, nature takes care of us, we are part of a whole and there's no real difference between "nature" and "us" because we all give life to each other.

We take a log from the forest and bring it home. We do this for the Winter Solstice because it's the time of the return of light and the rebirth of nature after the winter sleep, and wood symbolizes the most important things for human life: food, warmth and light. It's difficult for us to imagine nowadays because we are used to electricity, but for our ancestors who only had oil lamps, fire and candles, darkness was almost absolute for many hours in winter, and that's why the Winter Solstice was very important because it meant that light is coming back. We want something from the Log, his fire will allow us to cook, it will give us light, and keep us warm. So we offer him the same: we feed him (notice what we feed it, too: a kind of compost, which is complimentary to human food), we keep him warm, and we love him. Then, we hit him with sticks (mimicking the motion of cutting down a tree) and ask him to give us food, and he does. Then, our ancestors used to burn him for warmth and light, and then take him back to plants spreading his ashes so it will give life to the fields. Which in turn will give us food again, which we will poop and it will fertilize plants again. And it's a cycle that never ends, we're all part of a whole.

We give to the forests, the forests can grow with the remains that all living creatures leave on its ground: leafs, excrements, the remains of parts of our food like nuts and fruit peels. These things give life to the forest. And the forest gives life to us: gives us fruits and wood (=light and warmth). We take these things, and in return we give to forests once again.

Nowadays, the part about warmth and light is often lost to kids, but the part about food is still obvious, even if subconsciously. This is why the Log is not the horrible barbaric tradition that the "haha poop and violence" crowd would make you believe.

And don't get me wrong, it can still be funny! We're the first ones to make jokes about it. And you can, too! But don't spread false ideas: the Spanish word "uncle" appears nowhere near this tradition because it doesn't have anything to do with uncles nor with Spanish-speaking cultures. It's called the Christmas Log (Tió de Nadal, Soca de Nadal, Tronca de Nadal, Tizón de Nadal, etc depending on the area, all meaning "Christmas Log") and it's celebrated by the Catalan people and a part of the Occitan and Pyrenean Aragonese people. The word "poop" (as an imperative verb, as in "please poop for us") appears in the song, but not in the name.

I know that, now that misinformation has gone viral, a post won't stop it. But I hope at least people with a genuine interest can learn some more. By all means, keep laughing! Make all the memes you want! But knowing the whole story will give you understanding. And, please, don't argue in favour of banning our cultural practises, we've had enough of that for centuries.

[master-of-junk]

Pregnant with a Ghost

Mr. Crawling/Mr. Scarletella/Mr Silver x MC

I remember a webtoon where this happened and thought it’d be fun!

Enjoy~

(not proof read)

__________________________________________

🏮Mr. Crawling:

-You had noticed the change in your cycle but initially thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until you woke up one morning and threw up a few times that it dawned on you.

-Of course Mr. Crawling has noticed you acting a bit odd. He was worried that you kept waking up and getting sick. He almost brought the nurse to look at you! But every time he asked, you would just kiss his forehead and smile telling him you were fine.

-It wasn’t until you started showing that you couldn’t brush him off. That’s when you sat him down and explained the best you could what was happening. It took a while but eventually he understood that the both of you had made one being.

-He was unsure of how it would play out but he did his best to reassure you! Every time you looked worried, got sick, or had troubles, he would poop up beside you to reminded you “Together.” He would even disappear to find things you mentioned you had been craving! He was actually really good at finding things.

-He noticed the things you began gathering and did some collecting of his own! He’d find small toys and soft items like blankets that he thought you’d like. He’d also try his best to help you assemble things and prepare.

-When it came time for the actual birth he was almost sent into a panic. Watching you scream and struggle to push worried him. He held onto tightly and did his best to soothe you. Combing his fingers through your hair, peppering you with kisses, and holding your hand.

-You half expected him to not even care about the baby but once the baby was born he seemed oddly fixated on it! To your relief the baby looked to be alive, healthy, and mostly human? Skin glowing healthy and a detachable heart beat. Though you could immediately see the resemblance between the baby and its father.

-Mr. Crawling was in love for the second time! Adoring your child and always keeping an eye on them. How could he not love them? As you explained it- this creature was half of him and half of you! They were amazing by all accounts and Mr.crawling sent chills down your back when he came to you at one point asking “Another?”

__________________________________________

🩸Mr. Scarletella

- Of course he knows what’s gonna happen before it happens. He doesn’t tell you on purpose he also has been hooked on creampies since being introduced.

-To be fair though, he didn’t think he it was possible either, he had some knowledge of human reproduction. Nonetheless, when he found you sobbing in the bathroom, he was overjoyed to find out there would soon exist a child that would tether you to him forever!

-During the pregnancy he was overwhelmingly clingy but oddly attentive. Anything you need, just snap your fingers and he’d get it for you in a heartbeat!

-Though he barely let you do anything. You wanted to assemble the baby furniture? Don’t blink because he’ll have it all built and taken care of before you can even dare to lift a finger.

-You also weren’t allow to leave his sight. He had you constantly in arms reach. Whatever you needed, you could have it and enjoying while still sitting in his lap.

-You were scared to death that you would give birth to the antichrist given Mr. Scarletella’s background but to your surprised you where given a healthy human- appearing baby. The only real surprise was that the baby came out with bright red hair. It almost made you giggle seeing the likeness he resembled to his dad.

-Mr. Scarletella would do anything to protect you and his baby. You can be he’ll always be there- on the first day of school, sporting events, graduation- it’s just overwhelming creepy when people see him standing in the background of your pictures!

__________________________________________

🩶Mr. Silver

-He did it in the name of science.

-He wanted to conduct research to see whether or not you could get pregnant.

-When you came to him with the pregnancy test and explained your symptoms, he was overjoyed and excited that it was a success!

-Of course he had grown fond of you- which was why he was afforded this opportunity- he would do everything in his power to make sure your pregnancy went as smoothly as he could manage.

-He insists on doing all your check ups and tests. He will bribe you with snacks you had been craving (He trades body parts with Mr. Gap to secure the treasures that seem to make you so happy)

-When you go into labor all hands are on deck! He’s the one helping you deliver the baby. Being dead- he finds the making of life absolutely fascinating, he views you in a more special light after open his world to such feats.

-He spends a lot of time with the child, running tests and taking notes, and occasionally trying to teach them from what you’ve observed. It was cute to see him trying to teach the kid about his research though you had to keep an eye on him or he’d get too ahead of himself.

-He considers your child together one of his greatest achievements. He feels a deeper connection with the kid when he sees his own likeness and your likeness in them.

[snekdood]

Ur gonna hafta rip drawing my ocs in fashionable designs from my cold hands, even if theyre cishet

[longingforrotkehlchen]

My 2024 Top 10 Favourites.

On Melancholy Hill Tumblr's and my absolute favourite. There isn't much to say. I just remember turning around while counting geese, and there it was - an idyllic scene. A crow extraordinarily relaxed, loafing on a nice spring afternoon. I came a bit closer thinking I *really* hope it stays. Then I crouched fearing the same, but the crow, watched me attentively and stayed. I was blessed - the luck of photographing birds more used to people. The slope gave me the perfect height for the shot, and the crow just chilled there, looking like something was occupying its mind. I got what I wanted and left. The crow stayed there, but it also stayed with me forever.

Sweet mommy's love It was Graugansito season and fortunately I was right in time to see the very little ones. This scene was beautiful, and obviously the geese just chill by the lake and all you need is a perfect moment to capture. This one stood out for me. And I can neither confirm nor deny whether there were more goslings hidden under mommy's wing.

Europe's angriest bird This picture was taking by cheating. So call me a cheat. It is nice, but I cheated. And even worse, I made a little guy angry. Yes, I did play playback (even though I believe that's wrong) in this one because I had seen a pair of goldcrests here the previous week and I was very curious to see if they were genuinely staying and breeding in this place. The male came and sang immediately –that's how I got him nicely close to me–, but the best thing about this encounter wasn't the pictures - it was realizing that the bird seemed to know there wasn't another bird. That I was the source of the goldcrest song. That I was his enemy. I haven't managed to make a bird love me, but that day, I managed to make one hate me.

The light of duckling This pond lends itself to high contrasts and you can play a little with that. I didn't have much time, and the ducklings were all over the place, but I got lucky (otherwise, this post wouldn't exist). As I was leaving I took one last shot with the settings I had for a different spot - and it turned out well. Some of my favourite photos are those that transmit emotions when you look at them. I think this is also one of them.

Spring has arrived It's easy to forget you don't have to be very close to the bird to get a nice photo. In any case, here I was taking a photo out of excitement at seeing Hausrotschwanzkehlchen back, before getting closer to the bird. I never intended it to be anything more than a 'proof' shot, but sometimes those turn out way better than expected.

Is this fluff real? It was peak migration, sunny late afternoon, Schwanzmeise flock and there I was, trying to capture this so-called product of my imagination. It was difficult to get the right angle as the sun was behind them and I had to avoid the backlight, but the good thing about them is that they don't seem to care much about your presence. I got this one really really nicely, and right after they left, I saw my first black storks in the sky. Last September was good.

One more shot As I focus on birding and photography comes second, sometimes I might just leave with zero nice photos to post. That day was no different, but that day I was also thinking: "I'm running out of current photos to post." So I gave it an extra shot, overstayed, and tried to find a subject. A big Blaumeise bunch showed up, many of them, busy foraging, and (I think it was always the same) one came so close that allowed me to take some cute photos.

The pose There's little challenge in taking photos of the coots in this pond. If that wasn't enough, the light was nice that day and someone had thrown a pallet in it. The coot was standing on it and I thought the opportunity was too nice to ignore. Then it even started stretching, giving me the chance to capture this nice pose. The poop is just extra.

The babiest Wacholderdrossel As I was leaving the S-Bahn station, coming up the stairs, I saw this baby perched on a handrail. I could barely believe it, so I emerged, went there, and took my camera out. The baby was going nowhere despite people walking right in front of it. I took some photos, in awe, and I don't know what everybody else contemplating us thought, but I thought that I was so damn lucky to have such a cute photo without even having started.

Just a moment If you're learning photography, nobody is going to tell you "just shoot at whatever you see," but that seems to work sometimes. It's not my intention, mind, because here I saw a little bird perching above my head and I really needed this shot to indeed confirm I was seeing Fitis and not Zilpzalp. But look at that little face, that smoothness... I guess when you take thousands of shots while going places, a few might also be nice. It's never easy to decide, but here's my selection with some background/behind the scenes. As usual there isn't much to it. Mostly just press the button. Let's hope 2025 brings us more bird joy to all of us!

[ms-demeanor]

That level of confidence on rejecting anything beyond what a MD will tell you (and not even a DO apparently?) has reached peak stupid I see. Probiotics work. Saccharomyces boulardii straight up saves lives. Come the fuck on.

I haven't criticized DOs, DOs are fully qualified physicians. For those not aware: In the US a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine (DO) has the same qualifications as an MD; if you want a doctor who does more holistic care but is a real-ass doctor, look for a DO.

DC, doctor of chiropractic, is the degree that you get from the ITT Tech of medical schools to lie to people and call yourself a doctor.

Saccharomyces boulardii is one of the probiotics included in the recommendations of the AGA as conditionally recommended in spite of low quality of evidence.

Saying "probiotics are largely woo" and including a link to A) guidelines that recommend evidence-based use of probiotics and B) a commentary on those guidelines lamenting that the lax regulation of the supplement industry has made it excessively difficult to study potentially helpful interventions is not the same thing as saying "probiotics don't work."

I know it can be hard to see but on tumblr when there's a little line under some words that means the words are a link; you can place your cursor over that link and single-click to go to a different page of the internet that might include more words you can read are a much longer and more comprehensive explanation of the words that you initially clicked on.

There's no conclusive evidence that regular supplementation of probiotics improves digestive issues in healthy people and taking probiotics regularly if you are not at risk for c. diff likely means that you're just shitting money down the drain.

Aspirin saves lives too, but that doesn't mean that literally everyone should take it daily for its life-saving benefits.

I became *absolutely ironclad* in my support for evidence based medicine over medical woo after my chronic illness diagnosis and while trying to figure out how to not feel sick all the time. Getting diagnosed with celiac in 2012 meant getting inundated with books like Wheat Belly and links to Joseph Mercola and advice to take probiotics and to stop eating the yoga mat chemical. Navigating a chronic illness and *massive dietary changes* on an internet awash with medical woo was a nightmare, and you're making the exact same kind of argument that I stumbled across on a ton of forums where parents were trying to treat their kids' symptoms, or where people were searching for help with their own pain and struggles and were getting *bad fucking answers* about probiotics and essential aminos and diatomaceous earth.

Probiotics "work" to help some people in extremely specific situations, but, like most supplementation, they are absolutely unnecessary for the vast majority of people and unless you know that you have a specific condition that will be improved by taking them, you're mostly spending a lot of money to swallow a lot of things and shit them out. If you have a gut disorder, probiotics will not make your gut disorder better. If you have diarrhea as a result of food borne illness, probiotics will not get your poop back to normal. If you are constipated, probiotics will not soften your stools or make you more regular. If you are at risk of c. diff from a course of antibiotics and you are NOT immune compromised, probiotics may potentially reduce your risk of c. diff infection and you should talk to a doctor who is treating you for that specific situation about whether or not probiotics might be helpful in the short term while your gut microbiome recovers from the antibiotics.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Swirlypod

Debut: Super Mario Bros. Wonder

YIPPEE YAHOO! A brand swirlin' new snail fresh for 2023! It has been quite a long time now since we've gotten a new Mario snail, and even since I've posted about one, since I covered all the snailiest Mario snails a while ago. But lookie here! Snaily snaily snail for me to see and for you to view!

Swirlypod is so delightful! To get this out of the way first, yes, its eyes are not on the ends of stalks. Yes, this is good and okay. Some snails are like that! Especially freshwater snails. And that's the kind of snail that this snail seems to be! While sometimes seen on land, it is also seen emerging from (poisonous) swamps. It can breathe that!

Swirlypod's face is just so, so precious. Its big, innocent, curious eyes experiencing the world in the way only a snail could! Its big ol' bulbous antennae, more bulbous than they have any right being, more like a nudibranch's than a normal snail's! And its mouth! I think that's its mouth? It's like three scrumbly tentacles ready to scrumble down some delicious fungus!

Did you know that the salt marsh snail Littoraria irrorata is able to FARM fungus? They damage marsh grasses to create large wounds for fungus to grow in, and even use their own poop as fertilizer! Snails can FARM!

Yes, indeed, what a wonderful snail we have here! Thank you, Super Mario Bros. Wonder!

...Hey! That shell comes right off! Now it's all Pod, with no Swirly! Does this mean Lime is The Impostor? I may have just asked you, but that was rhetorical. Don't ask me, because I don't know! Removable shells are a common ability for cartoon snails, and of course, the turtles of this world also have removable shells. I think it doesn't really mean much at all! Though, the idea of a "hermit slug" is very amusing. A snail who can't be bothered to grow its own shell. Maybe it wants to switch shells for different styles sometimes. A slow victim of fast fashion!

Wonder is one of those games where Koopa Troopas retreat into their shells when stomped, so Swirlypod is sort of a way to have Beach Koopa in the same game as the more standardly-behaving Koopa! Once it gets back on its foot, it will try to squirm back into a shell, if one is available. You can give it back! Just drop it down at your feet, and Swirlypod will have a home once more!

Another thing that sets Swirlypods apart from Koopas is that they are sticky slimy and can slither up and down vertical surfaces! Just like in real life! They don't only climb on the left and right sides of surfaces, either. They can even go on the surface facing the screen! Not just anyone is allowed to do that!

I am saving what may be the best tidbit for last! There is a good chance Swirlypod's bulbous antennae look familiar to you. That's because they look just like Leucochloridium paradoxum, the green-banded broodsac, everyone's favorite snail parasite! The flatworm that inhabits a snail's eyestalks, making them look more like caterpillars to get a bird to eat them so they can continue their life cycle! Swirlypod definitely isn't supposed to be like, ACTUALLY infected by this funny worm, but I think the resemblance is very much intentional, between the shape and coloring. And that is so awesome to see! This isn't even meant to be a scary snail or anything, but they represented a freaky parasite anyway!

[evolutionsvoid]

Anything can be an ecosystem, it is just a matter of nutrients and consistency. So often we think that habitats are things that only exist outside our walls, where civilization hasn't fully taken hold. Some folk think we sapient species live completely separate from the natural world, that our lands are omitted from everything else. To them, there is a clear line between what is "nature" and what is "civilization" and once you cross those boundaries, the other ceases to be. But in truth, it is all connected, and our homes are a part of the system like everything else. A city may seem vastly different from any other habitat on the planet, but it is still an ecosystem nonetheless. We are but the fauna running about within, and one of the species that thrives in it. And to the shock of some, there are other creatures that do incredibly well in these man-made habitats, finding living within them just as comfortable as we do.

Sewers and dumps don't seem like much but areas of pure filth, but there is still nutrients to be found. Just because we don't eat the stuff doesn't mean it is useless. Look at the dung beetle, an insect that lives off of fecal matter. While a sewer would be a vile land for us, it would be a paradise to such a coprophage. Things in the wild feed off of waste, it is a natural thing. So when we make areas that are nothing but filth, then some species flock to it, seeing an endless buffet. The Otyugh is one such creature.

When one first sees an Otyugh (probably in illustration over real life), it may be hard to wrap your head around what it actually is. The anatomy seems all over, with arms, legs and heads starting to blur together. Some would claim they are a three-legged species with two tendril arms and a large eye stalk, which is an understandable mistake. The Otyugh is hard to decipher as it moves and feeds, and its anatomy changes depending on the situation. In truth, it is actually a large echinoderm, one that possesses six limbs. Two of these arms are sensory, while the other four are designed for feeding, manipulation and moving. All six have sensory organs for smelling and tasting the world around them, but only two have prominent eyes. These organs are much stronger on these limbs, versus the crude eyes on the others that can only tell between light and dark. All arms work together to help the creature move and feed, though hunting for food isn't exactly a challenge for an Otyugh.

As I made clear, this species is one that feeds entirely on waste, finding poop and filth quite delicious. It isn't just feces, it is anything rotting, foul and discarded that they eat. Their central mouth is a complex arrangement of grinding plates, shredding teeth and potent acid, all designed to consume absolutely everything that gets shoveled in. They are the cleanup crew of the world, like all scavengers, and will erase any detritus or corpse that has been left behind. They are practically immune to poison and disease, devouring plague ridden carcasses without worry. They are essential creatures to areas rife with rot, which is why they have found their way to humanity's sewers.

Otyugh are a species that originally relied on dragons and other megafauna to survive. Their vast amounts of waste gave the Otyugh sustenance, and thus they were commonly found near dragon lairs. Small creatures don't offer enough for such large beasts, but that changed when some species started stockpiling their filth. When the Otyugh caught wind of humans creating places specifically for waste and trash, they were quick to move in. Here was another consistent source of food, in a place that seemed tailor made to them. At first, people were repulsed, but then they realized if they didn't want the Otyugh there, then they would have to go down there and drive them out themselves. Suddenly, no one was complaining anymore.

While most folk don't bother with these creatures, times do come where people do confront them. I know in some big fancy cities, they don't like the image of a giant poop eating seastar dwelling below, so they got the bright idea of getting rid of them. In other cases, their population gets out of control and they start looking for extra sustenance in face of all this competition. Whichever the reason, trying to drive one out or fight it will quickly make you regret your life choices. Otyugh may be sewage suckers, but they can be extremely dangerous. Their tendrils are dexterous and thorny, capable of whipping them with deadly force. Their limbs are many, allowing them to attack from many angles and continue the battle should they lose one or two. The maw in the center of it all is an "everything-grinder," which can reduce an armored warrior to juice if they get too close. On top of all that is the fact that they are dripping with filth and vileness, which can lead to nasty infections or sickness should one be exposed. Sometimes slayers will succeed in killing an Otyugh, only to succumb to a horrible rotting disease weeks later from a mere scratch they had received. In most cases, fighting them is straight up not worth it. It should only be a last resort, for when the Otyugh start spilling out from their sewer homes and begin eating "fresher" things.

To go back to that earlier mistaken description, of a beast with "three legs, two arms and one eye stalk," there is a reason that was a common belief. When Otyugh are feeding, they are laying down in the ocean of filth, positioned like any seastar you would see on the coast. Mouth down, arms out, just enjoying life. When buried in this waste, you can't really see them. Their bodies are colored and designed to fit in with piles of manure and disgust around them (as if anything would want to eat them), and thus folk miss them most of the time. However, when threatened, the Otyugh will rear up to look much larger and expose its pulverizing maw. This is done by using three tendrils for support, like legs. Two feeding limbs are flailed about in a threatening manner, while a sensory tentacle is held high for it to see its attacker. Now that it has made itself obvious and known, people start paying attention. This is why that description became commonplace, as these postures were how folk even got to see them most of the time!

A funny thing to note is that humans are probably way more familiar with the Otyugh than dryads. Honestly, it was a while before I even got to see one myself! This is because dryads collect and compost their waste at home, making sewer systems rare in our towns and cities. Due to large efforts to recycle and reuse, we don't have large areas of the stuff for an Otyugh to settle in. This isn't meant to be a dig at humanity, more just a neat observation. I will say that some dryads made a business of utilizing an Otyugh to rapidly breakdown substances and objects a normal household couldn't properly handle. It is like a rapid transformation of waste into fertilizer, for those who don't want to wait. Bring your junk to these places, let the Otyugh eat it and get its fertile expulsions in return. An odd business, but it seems to be working pretty well! Of course, there are also rumors that some of these establishments earn the real coin from folks who want certain "somethings" to "disappear..."

Chlora Myron

Dryad Natural Historian

-----------------------------------------

"Otyugh"

While this entry is written by Chlora, it is one that I would say is not canon. Mainly because I know the DnD company is incredibly litigious and not fans of their stuff being used anywhere else. I mainly drew this thing up because I thought it would be fun and the entry was me exploring the "what if" scenario.

But hey! An Otyugh that is an echinoderm! Hmm. Like a big ol seastar! Hmmm! Perhaps like a starfish! HMMMMMM!

[thatbigbisexual29]

Playing with Fire gets you Burned (Buddy Daddies)

This is a fic for my best best friend @giggly-squiggily !!! It was their birthday and I wanted this to be a gift from me to her! So happy birthday girl!! (and sorry this is late 😭)

It’s very safe to say that after Rei and Kazuki's ‘retirement’ and the start of their new life, Rei became the biggest little shit anyone could have ever imagined.

With the loss of their assassin gig and a general lack of edge to their lives, the two could finally, finally relax. With all that relaxation also came freedom. Engaging in more playful activities with Miri, going to cooking classes, opening a restaurant, getting Miri into good schools, and doing a lot more things they never thought they had the time to do. Mini golf, more trips to the mall, going to aquariums, hell they even got to travel the world a few times. And their lives blossomed as well as new parts of themselves they didn’t know about. One example being Rei’s mischievous side. He didn’t show it often, but it was usually sparked by Miri’s encouragement. Or a lack of Miri in general.

There would be times where Kazuki would be minding his business when he’d be the victim of a prank or two that would come across as Miri’s signature pranks. The pranks are as follows:

Salt in his coffee when Miri didn’t drink coffee. Someone had smeared peanut butter on his shoe, making him think he stepped in poop. Miri absolutely hated anything poop related, especially jokes or pranks. On his computer, he noticed that the keys ‘b’ and ‘w’ were switched around, which he found out after commenting on his sister-in-law’s post about being a scary witch for Halloween. Miri doesn’t even know where Kazuki keeps his laptop. One day, he found a small cake in the fridge with a post-it note that said ‘SPONGE CAKE FOR REI’. Naturally, Kazuki tried a piece. Turns out, it was an actual sponge decorated with frosting and sprinkles. (He’ll admit he deserved that one.) 

The last notable prank was when he sat on a tack in his room on his chair. Miri hadn’t been home that whole day! She was at a sleepover with her friends! All signs pointed to Rei. He was thankful all these pranks didn’t happen in one day, otherwise he would have flipped out. But Rei certainly had it coming.

As Kazuki and Rei opened the restaurant that day, Rei knew he couldn’t pull any real pranks. Especially since he didn’t want either of them burning themselves on the stove. But that never stopped him from agitating Kazuki in other ways. Seeing as there were no customers and Miri was about to come down for her breakfast, Kazuki was making her favorite type of pancakes. The smell filled the house and dragged Rei from his sweeping duties and appeared behind the blond, wrapping his arms around his waist and placing his chin on the other’s shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you be working?” Kazuki asked with a grin, keeping his eyes on the food in front of him. Rei chuckled deeply which sent goosebumps up the older one’s spine.

“Heh, can’t I admire your cooking? It smells great.” Rei sniffed the air once again and let out a small hum at the fragrant odor. His arms held closer onto Kazuki’s waist and a sneaky little finger traveled its way towards his tummy.

Kazuki grunted and stood straight up as he felt something slowly circle his belly button. He’d better not, the blond thought. He did his best not to jerk away and squeal like he normally would and took in a shaky breath. A wobbly grin grew on his lips as he bit the bottom one, his hand slightly shaking as he attempted to hold the pan steady.

“R-Rei…” Kazuki started nervously. He could see the playful smile form on that bastard’s handsome face.

“Yes, Kazuki?” The former assassin replied, batting his eyelashes to fake his innocence. “Is there a problem?”

Kazuki growled then sputtered out a giggle as that tricky finger lightly scratched over his belly button. The blond choked out some adorable squealy giggles as he tossed his head back and backed up into Rei’s shoulder. Rei chuckled as he heard his partner laugh, taking the pan out of his reach and using one arm to flip the pancake in the air.

“Shohohow ohohohoff! EEP!” Kazuki squeaked as Rei dug his finger deeper into the spot. That really made him laugh. Kazuki yelled out hilariously and curled up as much as he could. Rei veered him to the side so he wouldn’t hit his head on the stove or burn himself, still smiling as he tickled the poor man.

“Rehehehehei! Let gohohoho! Wh-whyihihihihihihi?? Whyhihihi ahahahare you dohohohohoing thihihihis- wohould you GEHEHET OUT OF THEHEHEHEHEHERE!” The blond finally ripped himself away and covered his belly. His leftover giggles brought a bright smile to his partner’s face. The ravenette chuckled and turned off the heat, setting the pancakes onto a plate for their daughter, who raced down the stairs right on time.

“Good morning papas! Papa Kazuki, are you ok? You look tired,” the girl commented, eyes sparkling when she saw her breakfast. Kazuki panted a bit and glared at Rei. Rei smiled internally, forced a straight face and shrugged.

“It’s just a little jab. Grow up, Kazuki.”

Kazuki nearly lost it. He stood, about to ramble his mouth off before the doorbell chimed. Kazuki immediately faced the doorway with a warm smile and open arms.

“Welcome to the restaurant! What can we get for you today?” Rei and Miri giggled with each other behind his back. Kazuki smirked as an annoyed twitch took over his eyelid.

Alright Rei, he thought. You wanna play, do ya? We’ll see how you like it when I hit you out of the ballpark! he thought.

~~later~~

A dinner rush always had staff in panic mode. Thank god it wasn’t just Rei and Kazuki running the restaurant. Other cooks worked on food, waiters and waitresses took orders, people in the back washed dishes, everything was going well! Except…

“Gah! Kazuki, stop that!” Rei hissed as the blond man passed him once more. The man grinned and winked at his partner as he sped by, hot plate in hand. Rei grumbled and felt his side, a finger recently connecting against it that made him jump.

All night. All. Night. Kazuki had been poking his sides every. Single. Time. He passed by the former assassin. He was fed up at this point! He kept having to hide his yelps, squeaks, and jerks from his fellow staff and confused customers. Was this hell? Getting poked and squeezed repeatedly while slaving over a hot stove? By the description it certainly sounded like it!

Kazuki would sneak his hand to squeeze Rei’s side, pinch his waist, poke his ribs, slide a finger up his spine, even blow on his ears for Christ’s sake! The poor man. He was just trying to make his way through a dinner rush. Why out of all the days did Kazuki finally decide to take his (albeit, well deserved) revenge today?! Rei was torn out of his thoughts as he bit back a squeak. Kazuki had pinched his side again. In retaliation, the former assassin took his spatula and quickly smacked the blond’s backside.

“Eep!” he yelped, spinning to glare at his partner. “Now you have to go clean that! Hurry, on the double!”

Rei didn’t even try fighting back his satisfied smile. He quickly switched out his spatula and continued to cook, only Kazuki did not relent with his pokes and prods and squeezes. By the end of the night, Rei was out of his mind. He kept his cool until the two men were off the clock and properly showered. Rei, having gone before Kazuki, sat on the edge of their shared bed, bouncing his leg anxiously. As soon as he saw a glimpse of Kazuki, he was going to attack. But unfortunately for him, Kazuki was not stupid.

The blond man stepped out of the shower, refreshed and ready for the assault ahead of him. He slipped on underwear and sleep pants and made sure to only lightly dry his top half. Being slippery meant that Rei wouldn’t be able to get a proper hold on him. He also decided to play dumb.

“Oi, Rei!” he called from the bathroom. Rei grunted in response.

“Since Miri is with friends tonight, why don’t we watch a movie?” Kazuki had his back against the wall, hugging the corner in wait of who was going to make the first move.

“Sounds like a good idea.” Rei stood from his spot, fingers twitching with anticipation. “What movie were you thinking?”

“Maybe a mystery? Or a thriller would be nice.”

Rei smirked and crouched into a ready pose. “You hate thrillers.”

“Hah, you got me,” Kazuki chuckled. “You know I can’t stand the suspense!”

Kazuki curved around the doorway of the bathroom while Rei lunged for him. The dark haired man aimed for his waist in an attempt to grab and lift him, but Kazuki expected this. The blond stepped to the left then quickly twirled to the right. Rei, surprised by this, wasn’t able to react in time. Kazuki hooked an arm around his stomach and hoisted the skinnier man over his shoulder. The two had ridiculous smiles on their faces as Rei twisted in his partner’s grip, pushing at his face and back.

“Puhut me down!” Rei growled through a laugh. Kazuki let out a single ‘hah!’ and walked towards the bed.

“If you insist!” The blond man playfully slammed his partner onto their mattress and the fight for dominance began.

Rei hugged around Kazuki’s neck and tried to turn the tables but Kazuki wasn’t giving up that easy. They met halfway with them lying side by side. The blond hooked his leg around Rei’s and pushed, forcing the smaller man onto his back. They became a mess of arms, each of them trying to grab the other’s wrist to try and pin them down. Kazuki couldn’t help but laugh at the silliness while Rei had the goofiest smile on his face. After a few more minutes of this, Kazuki finally managed to hold Rei’s wrists in one arm and hold them above his head. They panted, then Kazuki began to giggle.

“Heh… whahat?” Rei asked.

“Miri’s right,” Kazuki wheezed, “we are getting too old for this.”

Both men chuckled before catching their breaths. They caught each other’s eyes before both of them blushed.

God, they thought, he still looks good. Rei shook his head and focused, still somewhat upset from the night.

Kazuki shook his head and grinned mischievously as he cracked his neck to the side. “Anything to say for yourself mister?~”

A giddy smile forced its way onto Rei’s features. He squirmed with vigor as he bit his lip nervously. His face flushed bright red as the hand hovered over his ribs.

“Kazukihihi…” giggles slipped from the former assassin's lips.

“Reiiii~” Kazuki cooed back. He slowly brought down his wiggled fingers, smiling even wider as his lover wiggled and squirmed under him in a desperate attempt to escape. He decided to stick out one finger and softly brush it back and forth inside Rei’s belly button.

Rei’s eyes shot out of his head as he pursed his lips together, shuddering and attempting to curl up to protect himself, but Kazuki’s finger was hooked. He wiggled it up, down, and swirled it around making Rei squeak and whine with a quivering smile overtaking his face.

“Oh? Is that a smile? Are you gonna giggle Rei?~” Kazuki teased, knowing his partner hated it. Rei’s face grew red very quickly as he shook his head from side to side, biting the inside of his cheek to try and quiet himself. Kazuki chuckled and softly skittered his blunt nails across Rei’s belly and sides, watching him shudder and jerk away from the ticklish feeling.

“Khhk- K-Kazuki! C-come ohon!” Rei hid his face in his bicep.

“You want me to do what?!” Kazuki said in exclamation, laughing when Rei shook his head more and chuckled.

“N-Nohoho you freheheak! Hahahahaha!” Rei couldn’t hold back any longer and laughed softly, his stomach shaking under Kazuki’s fingers.

Kazuki admired Rei. He loved how he smiled, relishing in the rare times he did. And his laugh was so funny. It was wheezy due to all his years of smoking and would sometimes cough between barks of laughter. He would be chuckling normally then suddenly switch to squeaky giggles. And when you tickled his neck, he made the funniest gargled laughs while trying to shove you off.

Kazuki squeezed his belly with one hand which made Rei wheeze and arch his back, his feet kicking against the mattress and sending the blankets askew.

“Hahahahahaha! Kazukihihihihihi! Plehehehehehehease!” Rei pleaded.

“Sorry, Rei. I can understand what you’re saying! I better get my giggle translator ready~” Kazuki grinned evilly as he saw the panicked look in his partner’s eyes, pulling up Rei’s shirt.

“H-Hey, no! Please don’t- Kazuki! No!” Rei tried to sound angry, but nervous giggles got in his way. Kazuki chuckled and held Rei’s hip down.

“Attaching giggle translator in five…”

“K-Kazuki- let’s talk about this! Here- I can work the register every night! For a week!”

“Four…”

“Okay- wh-what about dish duty? You can stick me on dish duty for a month! Yeah! That works doesn’t it??”

“Three…”

“I’ll give you a foot massage after every shift!”

“Two…”

“Kazuki please!”

“One!!” Kazuki pressed his lips to Rei and blew a big fat raspberry on his tummy. 

Rei screamed out a laugh, thrashing as if his life depended on it. Raspberries were his number one weakness. Plus, Kazuki grew that stupid little goatee which only added to the tickling.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!”

“Hmm, I didn’t get a good signal. Once more!” Kazuki laughed and pressed raspberry after raspberry, watching as Rei’s face burned red with tears of mirth gathering in the corners of his eyes. He laughed and laughed and laughed, eventually pulling his wrists free and pushing at Kazuki’s head.

“Hehey wait! I wasn’t done translating!”

“Yehes you ahahare!”

The two men began to wrestle again, both of them laughing like kids as they tousled, tickling each other as they went.

After a while, they both lay and panted on the mattress, red faced and slightly sweaty. Rei looked over at Kazuki with a dumb grin on his face.

“Sorry for all the pranks… got a little carried away…” he huffed. Kazuki smiled back and shook his head.

“Don’t worry… I’ll get you back…”

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

I hope I'm not asking too many questions... but I really love the skywhale trope and wanted to hear your thoughts on them?

i think we need more variety of whales in the sky! seems like more people go for a blue whale or humpback whale design on their sky whales, which is fine because they are very iconic whales and i love the way they look. but how about some beaked or toothed whales? flying orcas? a bowhead? i think a sky whale that looked like a bowhead whale would be just wonderful, look at this thing.

(image description: first is an underwater photo of a bowhead whale's face. the top of its mouth is very narrow while the bottom of it is enormous, like a pelican. there is a white patch at the front of its lower jaw with black spots in a line across it. the second image is a detailed illustration of the whale's whole body, comparing it to the size of an elephant and showing the shape of its fins and tail. the elephant is roughly the size of the whale's lower jaw. end description.)

i love this thing. look at that face. the humpback whale may have longer and prettier fins for that sky whale aesthetic, but the bowhead's face shape is delightful. more diversity in sky whale designs!

but of course, the more interesting thought is how exactly to make such an enormous vertebrate work as a flying animal. where is it going? what does it eat? what happens when it dies?

it would be more realistic for sky whales to be smaller, but when people think of sky whales, they want the huge size! it's a fantasy, we want the epic huge flying creatures with their strange singing calls swimming through the clouds. so i'm not going to talk about the more logical small flying whales that go around in flocks to hunt birds (though the idea of smaller flying dolphins is also delightful!) I'm going to just talk about big slow baleen sky whales, the most iconic and desired of all sky whales.

step one: how the heck are these things in the air. it's easier to explain how a dragon can fly, they have big powerful wings. how do whales fly? I think the clearest answer is that they have some form of massive internal air sac full of lifting gas. real life oceanic whales are full of blubber, but maybe sky whales don't have as much blubber and get a lot of their size from their big air sacs instead.

lifting gas is just an umbrella term for any gases that are lighter than the standard atmospheric air. this includes heated atmospheric air, hydrogen, helium, coal gas, ammonia, and methane. (according to wikipedia) and with that list I think we've found our answer. whales are actually even-toed ungulates like cows. they could easily produce a lot of methane with the right diet. they'd just keep it in their air sacs instead of releasing it as a waste material! and for the best production of methane, these sky whales should have multi-chambered stomachs.

This does mean they're probably going to eat a lot of plant matter! so imagine them swooping low to take huge mouthfuls of tree tops! terrifying! maybe their baleen is structured to scrape the leaves off the branches. Maybe they swoop down to kelp forests in the ocean and take huge mouthfuls of that as well. any critters they happen to consume in the process are just bonus snacks full of protein. they likely also consume large flocks of small birds on the go, and probably clouds of flying insects too! locust swarms, for example. watch out for the low flying whales! I think they'd be slow like blimps and mostly use their tails and fins to steer and swoop down for food. they probably also rub themselves on tree branches or mountain sides to scratch their itches. I bet they'd have a symbiosis with many bird species that pick off their parasites.

like cow manure, sky whale dung could be a great source of fertilizer. best to avoid the usual paths of migrating sky whales so you don't end up dead by having giant poop clumps fall on you, but once it's hit the ground, that's free whale manure for every farmer in the area. the lands along the paths of migrating sky whales are probably very fertile, which also serves the whales, since they'll be eating the leafy tree tops! and when a whale dies, falling to the ground, the resulting small earthquake would certainly be startling, and both the impact and the rot process would cause a lot of damage to the surrounding land.

things are not immediately fertilized when a corpse rots. it takes a while! the rot causes more harm at first and then starts to nourish the ground later.

and dead bodies tend to bloat with gases and i have already established that these whales are full of methane. a lot of it would be released at death anyway, and i don't think the whale would drop immediately. or perhaps they fly lower in their old age and just crash land and die slowly. either way, these things are huge and full of methane and then they bloat. which means they might also explode spontaneously as part of the decay process. the air for miles around is going to be so nasty. but i think if you live in sky whale territory, you're just going to have to get used to the stink, because the manure that falls on a more regular basis is also going to be so so stinky.

like real world whale falls, sky whale falls will attract absolutely every carnivorous creature in the area. anything that eats meat will follow that awful stench right to the source and start gnawing away at the thick skin. people will have the easiest time, since they have tools for this beyond just their teeth and claws. the faster the whale is cut open, the less likely there will be an explosive bloat stage, so I'm sure the culture of the region would have some superstitions about leaving a dead whale lying too long. if you don't go harvest that bounty, it will explode and you never know where those chunks will land.

and then when there's only bones, people use em for building all sorts of things! the societies that exist in the paths of sky whales would be very cool to see.

that turned into a ramble and I haven't even designed a sky whale lol. lemme doodle one real quick.

(image description: a sketch of a sky whale, which resembles the aforementioned bow whale, swooping down to munch on trees in a forest. end description.)

[maddogofshimano]

A Tiny Man Among Men: Kiryu Boss Rush

oh boy this one was a real hoot. we got two new cards with it that I want to show off because they’re so fun

look at them!! that’s the fish he caught in the opening of Y3!!!!!

summary: Shortly after moving to Okinawa, Kiryu faces down with his most cunning foe yet--a crayfish.

2007 Not long after Kiryu came to Okinawa... Kiryu was invited by a local resident named Uchima to help with a river clean-up event (tl note: name is 内間)

Kiryu: Uchima-san... Is this the river we're supposed to be cleaning up?

Uchima: Sure is. Filthy, right? It's usually beautiful, but inconsiderate people keep throwing garbage into it. Uchima: It's particularly bad right now... I clean trash out of it every month, but before I know it there's more trash than ever. Kiryu: ...That's awful. Uchima: I think up stream's a bit prettier, so how about you handle that since it's your first time. Kiryu: No, I'm fine right here. You should do the up stream. Uchima: ...Eh? A-Are you sure? I'll take you up on that kind offer, I've been having some awful back pain. Kiryu: Sure. I'll do it. Uchima: Well then, I'll get going, and if you need anything just let me know. Uchima: ...Oh, right. Kiryu-san, please watch out for the animals. Kiryu: ? Watch out for... animals? Uchima: During clean-ups, I've had crows and rats and other such animals knock over the trash and cause all sorts of issues. Uchima: Since these are the elite survivors of all the extermination activities done in this area, a lot of them are strangely intelligent. Uchima: This one time a weasel snuck into our house, got into our fridge, and stole all of our food--and mice have been pooping on the mouse traps, almost like they were making fun of us humans... Kiryu: ...Heh, so it's that kind of situation. I got it. I'll be careful. Uchima: Great, see ya then. <he leaves> Kiryu: ...Alright, let's get to it.

<sounds of Kiryu splashing around in the river> Kiryu: ...Whew. Plastic bottles in a convenience store garbage bag... how can someone just dump this in a river...

Kiryu: Seriously... Who the hell would... <a blade-like sound happens> Kiryu: ...Guh!? What the!? American Crayfish: ................. (tl note: also known as the red swamp crayfish, Procambarus clarkii. I'm shortening it just to crayfish from here on)

Kiryu: A crayfish!? ...It was in the trash's crevice!? <another slicing sound, Kiryu steps to the side> Kiryu: Kh... You're quick on your feet... Crayfish: ..... Kiryu: It's back on top of that garbage again. Kiryu: ...I just want to clean up that trash. I don't mean you any harm... so let's just be adults here...

Crayfish: ....! <some kind of hissing sound?> Kiryu: ...No good. If I reach towards it any further, it will definitely catch me. On the other hand, I can't just leave this garbage here. Kiryu: What can I even do here? <a long moment passes in silence> Kiryu: I've got it. There was some dried squid in the trash I just picked up. I'll use it as bait to draw the crayfish away from here. Kiryu: ........Loook, is this some dried squid? Isn't that tasty? Wouldn't it be nice to eat~?

Crayfish: ............. Kiryu: C'mere, c'mereeee, won't you~? If you won't eat it, maybe I should~? Crayfish: ............. Kiryu: ...No reaction at all. Maybe it's not hungry? (tl note: he's so mad that his plan didn't work)

Kiryu: (If that isn't going to work... Then there's gotta be something else that will guy this guy to move.) Crayfish: ...Shaaa! <more hissing, and it smacks into Kiryu before bouncing back> Kiryu: !?

Crayfish: Munch... munch... Kiryu: I-It... took advantage of my momentary lapse in concentration... It took the squid!? Kiryu: Uchima-san said "there are smart animals around here"... don't tell me... this guy's one of them!!?? (tl note: Kiryu. you may be stupid) Crayfish: Shaaaa! Kiryu: ....Excellent. If a battle of wits is what you want, I'll show you what human intelligence is like...! 

<Kiryu ducks down> Kiryu: (...Good, this rock is exactly what I need. Now... Just gotta throw it behind it...) <the rock goes sailing with a comical whistle and a tiny splash> Crayfish: .....! Kiryu: (...Great. Now I can catch it when it's distracted and has its back turned...) Crayfish: .............. Kiryu: ............... Crayfish: .................... Kiryu: (It didn't turn around.....!? Could it be... it read my intentions....?) Crayfish: ............. Kiryu: Actually, where is this guy looking...... It's like there's something behind me..... Crayfish: ....! <another hiss and a slicing sound as Kiryu gets crayfish'd> Kiryu: Guh!

Kiryu: (This guy... the moment I turned my head... it went and pinched me on my damn ass...) Kiryu: (Was its gaze a trap...? Did it read my intentions... and then decide to get revenge?) Kiryu: ...What a clever crayfish. Kiryu: ........ Kiryu: ...Heh, you beat me. I guess I'll give up on those trash bags. <Kiryu leaves> Crayfish: ................... Kiryu: (...But, that was just to make it look that way... The moment it lets its guard down... I'll catch it...!) <Crayfish hisses at Kiryu> Kiryu: .....! Kiryu: Mmm... it feels good to stretch out my arms. This hand would absolutely for certain never ever be trying to catch you~. Crayfish: ........... Kiryu: (Yes, its defenses are down... now!) <The crayfish hisses again> Crayfish: .....! Kiryu: ....! Mmmm... still just stretching out my arms~.

Kiryu: (Damn... It's not turning around yet... what a distrusting creature.) Kiryu: (Yes... now---) <Crayfish hisses again, now with Kiryu much closer> Crayfish: ....! Kiryu: ...Ahhh~. Stretching my arms feels so good~.

Kiryu: (Damn... this guy... How many times is it going to look back here...) Riverside Resident A: ...That person... What's that person doing? Riverside Resident B: It looks like he's playing "Red Light Green Light" with a crayfish... I wonder if that poor guy doesn't have any friends... Kiryu: (...Shit... The stares of passersby are painful...) Kiryu: (I don't think continuing like this is going to get me anywhere... Maybe it's time to abandon this tactic...) Crayfish: ...Shaashaaa.... Kiryu: (It... waved its pincers like a peace sign... Could it be that this is what it wanted?) Kiryu: (In order to humiliate me, did it play along by pretending to be fooled..?) Kiryu: (Just how smart is this thing... and how the hell do I make it leave?) Crayfish: ...Shaaa! <more hissing as it leaps onto Kiryu> Kiryu: !?

Crayfish: Shashaaaa! Kiryu: Guh, this guy... it jumped on me so fast. Kiryu: That was awfully aggressive... I guess you've decided we're total enemies... Crayfish: Sha! .....Shaa? Crayfish: ....Sha!? Sha! Shaaaa! Kiryu: (It... got distracted by a fly... It turned around completely!?) Kiryu: (Heh, no matter how smart it is, in the end it's just an animal... This is my chance... I'm going to catch this thing now!) Kiryu: Haa! <wooshing sound> Crayfish: ....Sha! <slicing sound> Kiryu: Guhh!? Kiryu: (Stupid... I tried to grab hold of its back, but it pinched my hand...) Kiryu: (I was using its blind spot to catch it... how did it know...) Crayfish: Shashashashasha.... Kiryu: Damn... It's doing that gesture again. Kiryu: (You're kidding... was getting distracted by a fly all an act!? Did it use that as a trap so it could attack me when I got near!?) Kiryu: (It's looking down on me... But now I have to admit that it's smart... maybe even smarter than me...) Kiryu: (Even so... there's still a way to do this... there's something in the trash, I'm sure.) Crayfish: Shaaa! <hissing> Crayfish: ....Shaa!? <it falls into the water> Kiryu: ...Wh-! That guy was swinging its arms around as a threat but then... it fell!? Crayfish: Shaa... Shaa... !? Kiryu: And it landed on its back so it seems it can't get back up. Heh, what an unexpectedly stupid move. Kiryu: This time I'm going to catch you...! Haaa! <another whoosh> Crayfish: ...Sha! <a big slicing sound> Kiryu: ...Heh, of course not being able to get back up was an act too. Kiryu: I knew that you'd try to trick me into another attack like that, since you see me as your enemy and look down on me. Kiryu: But... this time I grabbed you not with my bare hands, but with these disposable chopsticks. Kiryu: Bad luck for you. You didn't pinch my finger... just these chopsticks that were thrown in the river! Crayfish: ...!? Kiryu: I'll throw these chopsticks with you still latched on... then I'll be free to finish cleaning up the trash!! Haa!! Crayfish: ...!! Kiryu: (Yes... It's still holding onto the chopsticks...! Take this...!!) <a crunching sound> Kiryu: ....! Crayfish: Sha... Shaaa...! Kiryu: Damn... so the chopsticks were rotten huh... The couldn't withstand the force of the throw and broke...

Kiryu: I was so close to getting this guy out of here... Crayfish: ...Shaa! Kiryu: You're a clever thing, I don't think the same trick will work on you twice. That said, I can't think of any other tricks to try... Kiryu: ...Well, it's fine. I concede. I can't beat you in a battle of wits. Crayfish: Sha? <the music cuts out> Kiryu: ...But, I still have to make this river beautiful. Kiryu: It doesn't matter how many times I get pinched... If I take you head on, I will catch you. Crayfish: ............! Crayfish: Shaaaa!!!!

<EVENT HAPPENS, WHICH IS A BOSS RUSH VS THE CRAYFISH>

Kiryu: Haa... Haa... Haa...!

<Kiryu gets close to the crayfish and grabs it> Crayfish: ....!? Kiryu: ...Whew, I finally caught you. Crayfish: Shaaa! Shaaaa! Kiryu: I'm holding you by your back. You can't get me with your pincers anymore. Kiryu: Finally, I can clean up this garbage... Huh? Small Crayfishes: Shashaa! Kiryu: Inside this garbage there's... baby crayfish... wait, are these your children? Crayfish: Shaa! Shaaa! Kiryu: ....I see. You were just trying to protect them. Kiryu: What I saw as a simple convenience store bag full of garbage was a nest you had to protect. Kiryu: ............ <he sets the crayfish down> Crayfish: .....! Kiryu: I'm sorry for causing a disturbance on your turf. Kiryu: I'll tell Uchima-san and the others to leave your garbage alone. Crayfish: ....Shaaa! <fade to black> Haruka: Oh, you're back Uncle Kaz!

Kiryu: ...Yep. I'm home, Haruka. Haruka: You were doing the river clean-up, right? Did you clean a lot? Kiryu: Yes. Though I almost cleaned up too much, and would have taken away an important home for the animals living there... Kiryu: I'm really glad I noticed it soon enough. Haruka: Is that so... I'm glad. You almost became an "invasive species" to that area, Uncle Kaz. Kiryu: ...Invasive species? Haruka: Yep. I learned about it today in science class. Invasive species take away the habitats of the animals who lived there originally. Haruka: That's why it's bad to release non-native species into the wild. Kiryu: ...I see. I don't know much about that, so I'll have to be mindful. Kiryu: By the way, what kinds of non-native species are there? Haruka: Ummm there's... raccoons, and black bass, and snapping turtle, and american bullfrogs... Kiryu: Woah... So even some of the animals we know. Haruka: Oh, and the american crayfish! Kiryu: A... American crayfish!? Haruka: U-Um, yeah. They eat the native species, spread disease, and damage the ecosystem. Kiryu: What the hell... Kiryu: But... It's not like they're trying to cause trouble, right? Kiryu: If you live, you have to eat and you have to get sick... It's not like they can help it if that ends up being an issue. Haruka: ...Wellll... I guess that's true, but...

Kiryu: Besides, I can assuredly say that this one’s devoted to their family. For their family's sake, they had the bravery to stand up to someone bigger than themself. Haruka: ....This one? Kiryu: I don't know if they were male or female, but they were a true man among men. If they were a human, I'd like to share a drink with them... Kiryu: ...I know. Haruka, why don't you come meet them? I'm sure you'll change your mind if you just meet-- Haruka: Uncle Kaz... did something happen with a crayfish?

<END EVENT>

Bonus stuff:

you don’t understand Haruka the yakuza invasive species are just trying to live their lives the only way they can! and sure they might be destructive but what else can they do? maybe that morally gray father figure crayfish was taking care of orphans!!

[azsazz]

azriel hc that he would go into panic mode the second you start nesting in your pregnancy bc it becomes very real you’re near popping out this baby

He senses your frustration down the bond and is quick to find you because you’re carrying his child and he doesn’t want you to be frustrated, he doesn’t want that for you or the babe

He winnnows into a room that’s a fucking mess, shirts thrown about, blankets from the couches strewn on the ground, half on the bed and half off where you’re grumbling to yourself

Az gets over the initial shock of the messy room, his tight shoulders relaxing at the sight of your bump peeking out from one of the shirts of his you’ve become very fond of during your pregnancy

Until he notices what you’re doing

You’re building a nest in the center of his large bed

Holy shit

You’re nesting

His body locks with panic, the feeling rushing through his bones makes him dizzy, so much so that he sways in his spot

You haven’t noticed him yet, utterly fixated on tucking the blankets into a shape that doesn’t make you want to disassemble it thread by thread, and then use said threads to choke out the maker of it

Okay, so maybe you’re a bit emotional

The babe in your stomach kicks as if also agreeing with you. It’s that or it’s because he can feel his father in the room with him, trying to get your attention

Az nearly jumps when you turn to face him. Frustrated tears brim your eyes and your lip wobbles. Your hands pressed to your stomach, holding your child

He vows right then and there that you won’t make that face again until the babe is in the world and you’re tearing up from his beauty, that’s the only time he’ll allow you to look like that

Az jumps into action. You don’t have to say a word. He helps you into the nest, taking your direction perfectly as you tell him what to adjust or what’s missing or not to your liking. His hands shake a little, the panic making his heart a steady rate faster

He has the urge to flee. Not because he doesn’t love you, but because this is fucking real and really fucking scary. You’re going to have his babe for fucks sake. How the hell did you get into this situation?

And he loves nyx. He knows how to properly hold a babe, how to make them smile and when they need to eat or poop, but he can give nyx back to his parents when there’s something he doesn’t want to do, when everything becomes a little bit too much for him and he needs to retreat back into the silence of shadows

He can’t do that with his own

You can read your mate like a book, the worry lining his eyes, the down set turn to his mouth, the way he doesn’t respond to your questions because he’s too far in his head

You tug on his arm and he lets himself fall into the nest, and you cradle him to your chest like he loves, exactly how you’ll cuddle your own child too

You speak softly, murmuring everything but nothing at the same time, it doesn’t matter because the soothing sounds of your voice and the rumble of your chest are enough to scare the panic away from now

He places a gentle, if not tentative, hand to your swollen belly, and his son kicks out immediately, knowing his daddy is there

And its then that az knows it’s going to be alright, that his panicking is normal and that the both of you will figure this out together

[abysshare]

I feel like this needs to be said but i feel like I'll just be talking to a brick wall for the billionth time.

The ableism of disabled villains in fandom is so beyond tiring. Its bad enough when a grey or protag character gets it.

Today I'll be using Curly from Mouthwashing and William Afton from FNAF as an example.

Curly, isn't really a grey character. Maybe more of a protag, but since we play as Jimmy for most of it, he is kind of an antag. But for this post i will be putting him as a protag. Which reminder.

Protag doesn't mean good guy exactly.

Anyway.

Captain Curly is a burn survivor as well as a disabled man, with no skin, no hands or feet, and is left with one eye. The damage is pretty bad, and the Nurse ( Anya ) has done the best she could with what she had, which is pretty damn good considering all things.

How does the fandom treat him? Its a mixed bag but of course. Ableism.

They either give him "dog buttons", or infantalize him, coquette-ify him, erase the situation just because "its easier" or whatever else. And then theres some people who genuinely try by getting him to a proper hospital so Anya or another doctor can try and fix what they can, as well as give him an AAC device or a wheelchair, so on and so forth.

Its either shit as unfortunately expected or good enough that makes people genuinely do research or call out ableism.

Now lets look at William Afton. A villain, murderer, mad scientist and so forth. For this post I'll be strictly talking about The Fourth Closet William Afton and Burntrap.

For those who are not into FNAF. The Fourth Closet is a seperate timeline from the games, an AU. And Burntrap is TECHNICALLY not William now, but when Security Breach came out, we didn't know this.

A bit more backstory for those who do not know. William has an Animatronic suit that he can go into to perform or kill, but it has these things called springlocks. If something happens, they can go off and hurt and eventually kill him.

Moving on.

William Afton is a Springlock Victim ( and even though no fire happens in the book before the ending of The Fourth Closet, i would argue and say he does indeed have burn scars as well in the graphic novel ) aka ragged Metal throughout his skin.

As Burntrap, he is a metal burned skeleton with leftovers of Springtrap/Scraptrap with burnt flesh.

How does the fandom treat both versions of him?

As Burntrap: some people like him, some don't. Its purely because at the first reveal we all thought it was William himself somehow even though he is supposed to be dead-dead for real. His design CAN be cool, scary and great in the right spotlight.

However.....

Most people took the "haha peepaw" route of memes. Some being ageist and some being ableist. Making him a senile old man in a wheelchair or a walker with Vanny being his caretaker. Most of the time throwing him down the stairs or beating him with his mobility aid or threatening to. Sometimes they would also draw him in diapers with poop in it.

Utterly disgusting, ageist and ableist behavior all because this is a villain.

How do they treat TFC version of William? Well.... i don't see much of him to be frank. But either its coquette-ifying him ( which is just as gross as coquette-ifying Curly ), genuinely calling him pretty or being absolutely being ableist/rancid, or removing his scars all together.

What is the point I'm getting at?

If its a villain, like William, to Darth Vader to Hordak from the She Ra remake, to Belos from TOH.......

They get mocked for their disabilities because abled folks ( and even some disabled folks ) thinks the Villain or whoever deserves it as punishment.

But these same people will turn around and infantilize and baby, or dogify or coquetteify "good guy" disabled characters.

I haven't seen this in the Arcane fandom, while i don't doubt people have been ableist to Jinx, Silco or Viktor , at least it isn't as "loud".

Ableism isn't cute or funny. And while i UNDERSTAND these are characters- and that they are not real.

It HURTs real people.

And I'm talking as a disabled chronic pain person, so don't even start with me.

Ableists and shit will be deleted, ty.

Edit ( 12 / 9 / 2024 ): to add to this, i still see people making jokes, especially to make self shippers feel bad ( those who self ship with springtrap ), about how William most likely passed human fluids and gasses as he died-

Yeah. News flash: you do that no matter how you die. Even later in a casket as you're rotting away.

Now.. the act of him doing that as he dies isn't ableist within itself. But the fact that these people using the bit of him urinating and defecating himself as a joke Is ableist as there are folks with disabilities that can't control it, and there is no shame in that.

Also if you're trying to say "Springtrap smells like literal shit". Consider people already know this and either ignore that ( which is valid ) or yk. Have their insert take Springtrap home and clean him up and fix him.

Or have Springtrap clean himself up ( i imagine he does by the time he become Scraptrap, as best as he can anyway ).

.

As for Curly, i am seeing a lot of Videos that are finally talking about it. Thank the gods, moon, whatever.

Mouthwashing is one of those things you really don't need to ship anyone with anyone ( if you must i highly suggest making an oc because thats awesome ).

On top of that though I'm still seeing ableist art of Curly and probably will for awhile 😮‍💨

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Birthday Shenanigans

Stephen King: boy, looks like that bungler elon musk really bungled it again! King: another rocket exploded! boy! Elon Musk: [appearing from ushes] eyyy Stephano king Musk: you thinka you so smart? Musk: whatsa matta for you?? Musk: i breaka you face!!!

Musk: checka dis out [Elon posts an AI image, again it is unclear what it is supposed to be] King: oh yeah uh King: i still don't know what that is King: joe what is that Joe Hill: i can't help you this time, dad

Musk: eyyyy brazil, you thinka you can enforca laws? Musk: checka dis out! [elon posts poop emoji, Brazil bans twitter] Musk: mama mia!!! Musk: dissa spicy meatball!!

Musk: dissa take ALLA my genius brainapower to meme outta dis one! Musk: [takes extra big bump of ketamine]

King: whoa elon i don't think a person is supposed to take that much ketamine Musk: shut uppa you face Stephano king! Musk: you thinka you know about takinga too many drugs? King: King: yeah i kinda think i do

Mary Shelley: sup fuckers? Poe: oh mary it's you Poe: steve is talking to his friend elon again King: for the last time, we're not friends! Shelley: you want me to take care of this, steve? Shelley: i can make it look like an accident

Poe: now mary there's no need for violence Shelley: i didn't say i need to do violence Shelley: i said i want to do violence Shelley: its my fuckin birthday Shelley: so i get a fuckin treat, okay?

Barker: wasn't your birthday yesterday? Shelley: yeah and what did you all get me? Poe: Barker: king: Lovecraft: Koontz: i drew you this picture of Frankendog

Koontz: he's like Frankenstein but a dog Koontz: i thought he would be better as a dog :) Shelley: yes dean i remember Shelley: that was real nice Shelley: so for that, you're exempt from paying the penalty

Poe: the penalty? Shelley: yeah since you all forgot my birthday Shelley: i get to punch each of you Shelley: in the dick Poe: now come on mary Barker: don't argue with her edgar, we're getting off easy

Shelley: step right up, who's goin first? Shelley: how but you, 2 gun bob? you think you got some brass ones? Howard: now hold on thar, parda- [Shelley punches Robert E Howard, he doubles over] Poe: oh no! 2 Gun Bob! Lovecraft: 2 Gun Bob! Barker: 2 gun Bob! King: 2 Gun Bob!

Shelley: who's next eh? i ain't got all day! Barker: how about jack? Jack Ketchum: Shelley: Ketchum: Shelley: Ketchum: Shelley: yeah i'll pass on that Ketchum: smart choice

[seongwars]

hiraeth | jeon wonwoo

model!wonwoo x veterinarian!reader genre: fluff, no real angst

I really want to start my wonwoo series but I have too many wips at the moment so this will have to suffice 😭

You and Wonwoo grew up as childhood friends and next-door neighbors in a small countryside town. You both dreamed of moving to the city—you to become a veterinarian and him to pursue a career as a photographer.

But tragedy struck when your sister and brother-in-law were killed in a car accident, leaving behind your baby niece. You decided to stay in your hometown, attending a local university to take care of your niece and grandmother. Meanwhile, Wonwoo moved to the city, where he was unexpectedly street-cast as a model and quickly rose to fame.

Your friendship falls apart when Wonwoo comes home for winter break, and you both get into a heated argument when he tells you that he's ashamed he grew up in a place like this and that you'd never be good enough to make it like he did.

That was the last time you'd ever spoken to him.

A decade later, Wonwoo unexpectedly returns home, shocking everyone. No one knows why, but the paparazzi and fans flood the town trying to figure out his whereabouts. Wonwoo tries to evade the paparazzi and his rabid fans and hides out in Mr. Kwon's barn.

Meanwhile you're helping Mr. Kwon find his missing cow, and it turns out she gave birth to a calf in a field. All is well until a bunch of cars speed by, potentially stressing out the cow and her calf. Stupid city slickers!

You return to the barn and find Wonwoo hiding. Obviously, you rebuff him but then point out he's covered in poop.

Later at dinner, his dad reveals that these rich developers keep coming to town trying to convince people to sell their land and there's lots of resistance from the locals. But they keep getting threatened by these city folk!

Oh and you're being romanced by Choi Seungcheol, your niece's gym teacher.

Wonwoo doesn't like that.

You and Wonwoo somehow always seem to cross paths. Whether its dropping your niece off at school or making a farm call, he always has on a dumb disguise.

The only person in town who seems thrilled about the sudden rise in tourism is the town head, Lee Jihoon. Because money.

Sometime later, your grandmother invites Wonwoo and his dad over for dinner, and lo and behold Choi Seungcheol is also there.

It turns out that Seungcheol is originally from the city but took the teaching job in the countryside because it was too competitive in the city. Sure, Jan.

You get an emergency call from Mr. Kim because his dog Kimja is having a difficult labor. You rush over, doing everything you can to help her. Despite your best efforts, Kimja doesn’t make it, and neither do the rest of the litter, except for one tiny, puppy.

Wonwoo, still awake, sees you coming home and you're a sobbing mess. He musters the courage to reach out to you, and you kind of just rant about how you did everything to try and help her and the rest of the litter but you failed.

"You did your best and that's all that matters."

You bury your face in his shoulder, unable to stop the tears. It’s been years since you’ve felt this defeated. As a veterinarian, you’ve faced so many challenges, but nothing like this. Never something so completely out of your control.

Wonwoo admits that he came home because he also felt like a failure. He was supposed to play the lead role in an up-and-coming movie by the famous director Yoon Jeonghan, but the project was put on hold due to Jeonghan's frustration with Wonwoo's inability to act convincingly as they looked for a new lead.

"He said I couldn't act my way out of a paper bag."

So, Wonwoo came home to reevaluate his life choices and decide if he could start over.

You tell him he absolutely can, that it's not too late. But that he shouldn't give up or let some city boy take his place.

"You're gonna let some city boy prove he's better than you? Go take back what's yours!"

You both reconcile and you go home.

The next day, those darn developers come back, and the townsfolk are out protesting. You, your grandma, your niece, Wonwoo, and his dad are all there, standing with the protestors.

One of the developers recognizes him, even with glasses, and mentions that his daughter is a big fan.

"Wonwoo? Famous? Nahhh," the townsfolk laugh, waving it off like the developer must have mistaken him for someone else.

The developers approach Wonwoo and attempt to sway him to their side. They want him to convince the town to sell their land so they can build their fancy golf course. But Wonwoo refuses outright because this is the place that raised him, and no amount of money or pressure can change that.

Using his star power, Wonwoo pulls every string he can to get the developers to back off. In the process, he uncovers a shocking twist: Turns out, Seungcheol was a spy for the developers and, to top it off, the son of one of them!

Wonwoo tells you the truth, and with a heavy heart, you end things with Seungcheol.

"He was too perfect," you sighed.

Thanks to the power of privilege and friendship, Wonwoo manages to help save the town from the developers.

While everyone is celebrating, Wonwoo tells you he's going to go back to the city and convince Director Yoon to give him another shot.

"Make sure you rub it in his face when you win an award for that role."

Over the next few months, Wonwoo visits home between shoots, and you both rekindle your friendship—and something more. It's in the way his eyes linger on you just a moment too long.

Or after a particularly long day, you find yourselves sitting on the roof of his parent's house, eating ramen. Somewhere between conversations of the past and future, his hand finds yours, fingers intertwining in a quiet, tender gesture.

The night of the Golden Carat Awards rolls around, and everyone gathers in the courtyard of the town center to watch the ceremony.

Wonwoo’s name is announced among the nominees for Best New Actor, and the crowd quiets instantly.

“And the winner for Best New Actor is…” The announcer pauses dramatically, drawing out the moment.

“Jeon Wonwoo!”

When his name is called, you let out a little gasp, unable to help the way a smile breaks across your face as the crowed erupts into chaos. Wonwoo’s dad, who had been sitting quietly at the start of the evening, is now sobbing uncontrollably.

“That’s my son!”

Your heart swells with pride as the camera pans to Wonwoo, standing from his seat to hug the people around him before making his way to the stage.

“I really didn’t think I’d be standing here tonight. Thank you to the Golden Carat committee, my team, the amazing cast and crew I’ve been lucky enough to work with—and, of course, my fans. None of this would’ve been possible without you.”

Wonwoo pauses, glancing down at the trophy for a moment. You wonder if he’s collecting his thoughts or trying not to cry. Then, he looks back up, his expression softer now, almost shy.

“I’d like to thank my family for their unwavering support,” he continues, his voice quieter but no less heartfelt. “And…” He hesitates, his lips curling into a faint smile that makes your heart skip a beat.

“My guiding light. Someone who’s been my source of inspiration to keep fighting against those city boys, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

The courtyard falls silent as every single person turns to look at you and you can't help but sink lower into your chair.

“Marry him already!” Mr. Kim yells.

When Wonwoo returns, he’s standing on your doorstep with a bouquet of wildflowers your niece helped him pick out, grinning from ear to ear. He promises that he'd be happy waiting for you to come home, taking care of the laundry while you help animals.

So you take him up on his offer.