#anyways. writing this bc someone liked an old post of mine where i was ranting about how amab ppl wearing fem clothes doesnt make them

[snekdood]

Ur gonna hafta rip drawing my ocs in fashionable designs from my cold hands, even if theyre cishet

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[sixteenyearoldrants]

entry number one - to my old friend group, i am not stupid.

disclaimer: this is basically a diary. when i was 8 i took a dork diaries quiz and it told me to write a blog as a form of venting, which is exactly what i’m doing right now. you should definitely not read this fellow tumblr users it’s boring and a waste of your time i’m basically just talking to myself. if you read this and think you know me irl, no you don’t. i’m using initials to replace names btw.

introduction to my rant

my school is tiny. it only has like 250 people in the ENTIRE school, and my year (the biggest year) has 53 people. over half of them are guys, so that leaves my options for school friends pretty limited. if you’re wondering why i don’t include guys as possible friend group joiners, there is absolutely no reason why, except the fact that there’s an unspoken rule that there are no mixed gender friend groups. at all. they just don’t exist in my year. they exist in the other schools in my town, the ones with over 900 people, but definitely not in mine. as of right now, there are seven friend groups in my year. all groups except group one are all girls

group one is all of the guys. they all have their own little micro groups, but usually all of them hang out in one huge group together. group two and three are kinda exclusive? like they’ve stayed the exact same people since day one, and they’re all actually really nice but i’ve never talked to any of them about anything that isn’t homework answers, so that’s a no. group four is the closest thing we have to popular people, except there’s not enough people in the school for us to have actual intimidating popular people and they’re too nice to be mean-popular. before one of these girls joined, she was a kpop stan and my best friend. she’s still nice but i miss how close we were before we drifted.group five consists of four girls (two of whom are sisters whos parents are first cousins!!!!) and are undeniably the ‘weird kids’. i’m gonna make a separate post later on why they’re considered this but it’s most definitely accurate name for them.

group six is my old friend group that i recently left because they were extreme bitches and sosososo toxic. they genuinely act like they’re better than everyone and judging from the shitty two years i spent with them, they actually think they are. the only person i actually like is LB, she’s the sweetest person ever, i love her to bits. she left the group with me for reasons i will later reveal.

and finally, group seven. this is the biggest group, with seven or eight people. i’ve always been good enough friends with the people in it, so when my old friend group got to be too much, they let me and LB hang out with them, and i’m so happy i was able to fall back on them. i’m a lot happier in this group.

the actual rant  - why my old group was so toxic

okay, so i come across as a very ditzy person. i laugh at the stupidest things. i zone out when people talk sometimes. i like to run everywhere, sometimes i skip. i always have to ask what’s going on because i wasn’t listening. i genuinely cannot stay serious. it’s just how i am. like i guess i am kind of a ditz? but i’m not stupid at all. not at alllll. as a matter of fact, i’ve always been really smart (except in algebra because wtf how am i meant to equalize algebraic fractions using coordinates???) but anyways i’m very clever. i can tell in two seconds flat if someone’s trying to bullshit me, i can win any argument purely through logic, i can persuade people by figuring out exactly what i know they want to hear without giving them false hope. right now, i’m doing the highest possible level in every class through my second language, in a school where everyone else grew up surrounded by it and i could barely say a sentence when i joined, and have never ever made a grade lower than a C+. 

i am not stupid.

but for some reason, because i’m a bit ditzy, this friend group took that as an excuse to treat me like i am stupid, and i hated it. it wasn’t so bad for the first year. it was normal. i may have been the most common butt of their jokes, but it was fine. there was no actual bad intent behind it, they were just normal inside jokes and stuff. but then, in second year, it actually started to sting.

i would say anything and automatically recieve a dirty look, for example, once i told them about my brother’s sleepwalking, because tbh if your brother unlocks the door and walks out of your house in the middle of the night to stand outside the neighbors door in his pyjamas and socks because he’s “borrowing the hoover”, ALL while asleep (he sleeps with his eyes open too which makes it even creepier bc he doesn’t blink he just stares with weird ass zombie eyes), you’re probably gonna think, ‘hey! that’s a funny story! i should tell my friends about that!’, right?

so i went into school that morning and told them about it really excitedly, and all i got back was one “... okay.”, and all of them giving me a weird look and giving each other knowing looks and then starting up a conversation about the posters on the wall in the room we were in, like i had never said anything at all. (LB wasn’t there. it was just the three bitches)

i know i’m just being dramatic. i know i’m too sensitive, but i had been so excited to tell them about that, and then they couldn’t be bothered to respond with anything other than a look. and it fucking hurt so much and i don’t know why but that memory just always stuck with me. after that i just kinda faded into the background for the rest of the conversation and didn’t say much.

but then i realized that a pattern was emerging. if i tried to start a conversation, i would get the “... okay?” and the looks would be given and exchanged. if i asked a question, i.e “wait, so *name* did/said what?”, they would exchange looks, giggle, and then say *insert my name* in a super exasperated tone and sigh, then continue without answering. they treated me like i was some sort of dumb dog, and i couldn’t stand it. constantly making snide jokes about me. i took the hint after about a month. they didn’t like me. i couldn’t make them like me. i just accepted it. but as you know, at that time i didn’t really have many other friend group options, and another girl had once left our group and they had talked so much shit about her when she left, and i knew they would do the same if i left. so i stayed.

eventually, in the last month of school, they started being bitchy to LB too. they would basically ignore her on the bus home, give her dry responses, just being typical bitches. it got to a point where we would be walking around at lunch, and the three of them would literally have their backs turned to us while talking under their breath so we weren’t included in whatever they were talking about.

i didn’t mind, i was used to it, but it was starting to get to LB. she cracked when i stopped to tie my lace while she waited for me, and the other three full on speedwalked away from us, no shame. she asked if i had been feeling left out recently, because she definitely had, and i was like “omg finally i’ve been wanting to rant to you about this forever” and i explained to her that they had never really liked me and treated me like shit and we decided to leave.

so we did. and now we’re with group seven, those ex-friends seem to have no problem with either of us. in fact, they treat us like nothing ever happened and treat me the way they did when they liked me.

so that’s something i guess. i’m not going back though. ever.

if you read all the way down to this i love you have a cookie.

❤ THE END❤

[mividadelicioso]

El Ano de Treinta

First post here...in a long time anyways. If I were being honest, my last Tumblr of decades ago turned into this soft porn type feed. It’s easier to get to that place then you think lol. First it starts with beautiful things as something to choose for your feed, or clothes, and at some muddled point down the line, there are half naked peeps (amongst other things) just popping up on your feed. In any case, that’s not why I ghosted. I ghosted, because like many things, but especially my writing, I just lost the juice of any kind to use my words via ink or typing, (rather). 

So you may be wondering to yourself, or...more realistically, not be giving a shit at all, as to why I am back in this wordy black hole. Well, really, a conglomeration of things that I’ll slowly vomit out onto this virtual paper, but to nutshell it, I’m losing my mind during this quarantine...losing my fucking sanity, as I would assume, everyone else is. However, for me, it’s more than just this quarantine situation (which, by the way, is incredibly insane to think about, but I digress atm), somehow, someway, (of course in my life), all these events just happen to coincide in a very important year of my life, hence the name. I basically spoiler-ed this post for you (you’re welcome for those of you that have no patience to wait until the end). 

I never thought that the ripe old? young? age of 30 would be a big deal to me; I mean, sure, everyone makes lofty goals for that age, that I would almost dare to say, 90% of the population never accomplish, but it just never worried me that the inevitable would come. It WOULD come, like every birthday, and then it would pass, like every birthday, without cause or concern. So what happened? (You might be asking yourself, OR you MIGHT not be caring at all. I mean, who really cares about a strangers’ musings? AMIRITE?). I don’t know, dude...or dudette. The truth is, this quarantine has forced me to sit in my apartment, shut off from distraction, and has forced an OVERTHINKER and an OVERANALYZER to overthink and overanalyze. It has, shall we say, created the perfect storm for this. Of course, the usual shit bothers me about this birthday; like, I had put together a meager list of goals a long time ago, if you could call them such, and as is the purpose of a list of goals, none were accomplished. Typical? Yes. Normal? Yes. A reason to have mental moments (I will always refer to breakdowns of any kind, as ‘mental moments’)? No. And yet, here I am, friends of Tumblr, have now had a mental moment over this  seemingly significant double digit. You’re probably wondering what that list was; yes, I thought about this myself, because truth be told, this last hasn’t actually been present in my mind at all, recently (PROBABLY why nothing has really been accomplished). 

**LIST OF GOALS: 30th Birthday**

-Go to Ireland (always been a dream of mine to visit)

-Be far along in my career (this is about as fucking unspecific as it gets lol)

-Be financially stable (i.e. have savings and shit)

-Pay something towards student loan, bc them government fuckers will find you

TADA! This was my list, ladies and gents. SHOCKING, I know. The length of it...just straight obnoxious. And TBH, none have been accomplished. TECHNICALLY, the second point does not count, because I switched jobs about 4 months ago...made moves as they say. Now, were those moves, MONEY moves? No...(had to make a rap song reference, don’t hate). Please, judge, and then judge away some more. I mean, listen, I have a 401K collecting moneys SOMEWHERE, and I can always still go to Ireland later this year. The irony of THAT particular point is, that I’m on furlough with my job, and the flights have never been fucking cheaper...but I am at a point, where I am FORCED to not spend frivolously. Although I am blessed with a boyfriend, who will be mentioned in a later post, that handles most of the major finances. Not because I’ve asked, (believe me, I have fought him on this...independence and such), but he thinks it’s his duty as the dude, I guess. But still, can’t be spending money that I may need down the line, should this godawful virus continue to ravage the U.S. (STAY HOME PEOPLES. FUCKING MAKE A BLOG...like me). 

In any case, coming face to face with an un-checkmarked list is quite possibly one of the most depressing things ever. So on top of me going out of my mind, and worrying about the health of my friends and family and significant other, I am also confronting the daunting age of 30, as well as, an unrealized list of goals.

Boohoo, boohoo, right? I resonate with your unsympathetic sentiments as well, but isn’t one of the benefits of blogging on the internet, that you can throw yourself as many endless pity parties as you want and no one can say a goddamn thing. That was definitely a rhetorical question, said in the most un-grammatically correct way ever. God, I love the internet. 

I will continue to rant about this further later on, but for now, I will say, that the only resolution I have come up with for this ‘mental moment’ I had about my list of un-accomplishments, is to create...and dare I say it...A VISION BOARD. Yes. 

God. I. Said. It. A FUCKING vision board, people. I’m about to get DIY up in this bitch...cause...not like I have anything else to do, right? 

Ending this post with some photos of tonights’ dinner. My spin on fried rice w/ asparagus, carrots, and corn as the veg component and some general tso’s chicken I baked in the oven. Despite the potential health hazards food can pose, when consumed in large proportions, I do believe in food therapy, people. BELIEVEEEEE IT.  Hashtag it folks, FOODTHERAPY...unless someone created that hash already, in which I can further add that to my list of failings for my grand ano de TREINTA. 

-Foodie OUT-

P.S. Don’t go all Sherlock Holmes and stock a hoe through my food photos. KTHX. 

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

Oooh, that ‘Send Me a Character’ thing looks very fun. I may have to send a few more after these later, when I’ve had more time to think of some good ones for you, but for now I’ll do Butchy (TBM), JD (Heathers), Mal (Descendants) and Captain America (Marvel-duh lol). Enjoy!

Awesome! Well, if you have any more, definitely send them in! I’m excited to talk about these characters!

Butchy

First impression: Well, when TBM 1 came out, I was only 13, but anyway, I thought he was hilarious and a lot like my older brother/cousins. The way he tries to protect Lela from the surfers and everything about him made me smile. Loved him from the start!

Impression now: Now that I’ve watched both movies so many times, I’ve realized that he was such a well made character for the movie! Once again, I would’ve loved if they had made Wet Side Story a full length movie just so I could see more of his personality and the full story behind the rivalry!

Favorite moment: Either the “Lighthouses/water makes me a little bit nervous” moments, or the scene in TBM2 when they visit Lela in our world and he asks Lela if she misses him. Something about that scene in our world makes me feel something fierce! Just seeing that twinge of worry in his eyes that show what he must’ve felt; that his baby sister was ready to leave his life forever and didn’t seem like she’d miss him if she did stay.

Idea for a story: I have one that I would love to read/write! I would love to see a story, whether short or not, about what caused the rift between the bikers and surfers or what the characters backgrounds were.

Unpopular opinion: idk if it’s unpopular or not If there was a Butchy movie, I would watch the heck out of it, even if it was just him doing everyday things with the rest of The Rodents crew.

Favorite relationship: (siblings duh) Butchy and Lela, Butchy and Giggles, and (platonically) Butchy and Lugnut

Favorite Headcanon: I think that, although Butchy may act like a bit of a brick wall intellectually, but he’s actually very smart internally. He’s either repressing it, or doesn’t think it matters to everyone else, so he doesn’t show it. His leadership of the Rodents and the way he seemed to think things through a bit more in TBM2 has led me to that conclusion, I guess.

JD (Heathers)

First impression: (after listening to Meant to Be Yours once) Psychopath.

Impression now: I feel like he went a bit overboard with his devotion to Veronica. Then, with wanting to blow up the school and everything, I’m not sure what I think. My instincts are telling me he’s a bit schizophrenic or bipolar even though the only knowledge I have on those subjects is my friend Alexia who’s bipolar. I’m definitely looking into his character more as I go, but as of right now, that’s my opinion so far.

Favorite moment: (from the movie)

Idea for a story: I would love to see his point of view through everything that happens during the movie/musical.

Unpopular opinion: (this seems unpopular now that I’ve scrolled through tumblr enough) I would’ve tried to be a friend to him, but never would’ve gone out with him. He seemed alright in the beginning, but his destructive personality deterred me quickly.

Favorite relationship: As much as his relationship with Veronica was great, I’d like to see a friendship with Heather C. for some reason. The school probably would’ve blown up if they had gotten in a relationship 😂 , but as a friendship, idk, but I’d like to see it for some reason.

Favorite headcanon: Not sure if this is a solid headcanon or not, but I’d like to think that he and Heather M. were friends at some point before The Heathers took over the school.

Mal (Descendants)

First impression: A lot like Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter) in the aspect that they both want their parent’s approval. Someone I’d try to befriend I’m a Hufflepuff for a reason, even though I’d probably be pushed aside and end up as a friend of Evie’s.

Impression now: Still think she’s like Draco a bit, but also she’s just trying to earn her mother’s respect and be treated as an equal, not a kid.

Favorite moment:

Idea for a story: Well, the books touched on a bit more than we see in the movies, but I guess I’d like to see what being raised on the island is really, truly like. Like, all we get is them being all rough and tough, what happened to all of the kids to make them toughen up so early on and what happened to the kids who just wanted to be good from the get go.

Unpopular opinion: I, honestly, didn’t like Mal and Ben’s relationship in the second movie as much as I liked it in the first one. I still ship them, but the whole part where she went to the Isle and he chased her kinda made me think a bit. Like, my parents always taught me that if you or your partner/friend feel a situation/argument needs to breath so you can think things over and gather yourself a bit, you should repect that. If Mal wants to go to the Isle to think, let her go for a little while, maybe a day or two, before you follow her. Idk, it’s probably just me!

Favorite relationship: I love the sisterly bond between her and Evie. Honestly, my first time watching the first movie (before I had read the books too), I had kinda hoped she would end up with Jay bc I thought Jay was cute (loved him as Seth Clearwater in Twilight).

Favorite headcanon: Mal is Hades’ daughter. I’ve thought that from the beginning and I love that other people think it too! I can’t wait to watch D3 to see what their relationship actually is.

Captain America

First Impression: FREAKING LOVE HIM! A lot like my dad in the whole military/take care of others before taking care of yourself aspect. I love the Star-Spangled Man With A Plan!

Impression now: I just saw Endgame. If you haven’t seen it/don’t want spoilers for it, skip this part and the accompanying gifs, please. I love that he finally got his dance with Peggy, however, he spent 3 movies saving/trying to help Bucky and he just abandons him in the present?! What. The. Actual. FUCK?! And another thing! He doesn’t age like we do bc of the serum and his 70 years in the ice! Like, his aging is prolonged and the whole “Old Steve” thing is freaking BS if you take that into consideration! I just need to understand what the Russo’s were thinking and why they killed me all through that entire movie.

RANT OVER.

Favorite moment:

Idea for a story: I have a ton! I’m actually going to start posting stories/“x reader” stories again on my Avengers page @chickadee-avenger-imagines I have some x reader stories already on that page, but I have a ton in my draft folder. My biggest one is a huge Endgame spoiler, but it’s basically a Fix-it for what I wanted to change in Endgame! I will be posting my Mavel stories on my Archive of Our Own page that also goes by DianaDirectioner if you want updates on my stories there as well!

Unpopular opinion: Steve should never have tried going out with Sharon Carter. I get it, he wants someone to be in a relationship, however, no- just no. If I put myself in either one of their places, I’d have never so much as entertained that relationship in the first place! It just seems kinda gross to me. Sharon was pretty much dating her aunt’s old boyfriend. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that. Ever!

Favorite relationship: (platonic) Steve and Sam, Steve and Tony, Steve and Peter Parker. Obviously Bucky. (Possibly romantic) Bucky or Peggy, it depends.

Favorite Headcanon: Steve never tries that crap in Endgame. Another favorite of mine is that Bucky never falls/he falls and Steve goes searching for him bc it’s his boyfriend best friend and he needs to see the proof that Bucky’s gone before he can accept Bucky’s death. Then he goes hunting down Hydra for him! Just 😍😍😍

[kiiruna-aa]

/KNOCKS DOWN DOOR. hi. let me take a moment to tell you guys about our lord and savior, aven. @stckhlmr // @faithbound .

i am going to take this day to be sentimental. like, everyone who can be sappy, compliment or praise aven and not be bullied for it, y’all are so fucking lucky, but just you wait until you come to the point where they realize you’re going to be friends with them no matter what an ass they are. it’s not funny, okay. i got this amazing, talented friend who has changed my life in so many ways but if i try to tell them that, they either 1) say NO 2) WHINE 3) ask if i need glasses ( no, jay pritchett, you’re the one with glasses. ) 4) call me a dork and throw something embarrassing i did in my face to distract me. they are going to hate this sappy rant but i hate when they make my muses cry so PAYBACK.

my journey with aven began long before i knew what an aven was. in actuality, we could have been friends a long ass time ago if aven hadn’t been a lazy fucker and not responded to my seconds message on a blog they had before andrew even existed, which is a really embarrassing story though. fate didn’t give up, which i’m really happy about. i found andrew while i was still locked inside a fandom with a two-year old muse as well, as andrew is to aven now, and i remember fangirling SO hard. i didn’t expect someone with such an high-quality blog ( and really, were they? i mean, compared to what they are today? they have developed every skill IMMENSELY, it’s amazing ) to follow me back, so i was squealing in a post about this SUPER cool SWEDISH original character i found. haha. joke’s on me, aven followed back and liked it. i thought i was going to die. ya, one of those fan-was-lucky-enough-to-become-a-friend-type of stories. aven inspired me to make my own swedish original character ( jonas, which you see on this blog even today, though he had his own blog back then ). the awkward shenanigans that were those two swedish buffs, and also me talking about how nice it’d be to own a boat, that was the foundation of our friendship ( and they will NEVER let me forget that ). the thing is, aven and i have talked EVERY DAY for one and a half years. more and less some days, of course, but we don’t think we missed out even once. we can’t remember doing it, anyway. i message this person almost as fast as i wake up and we keep babbling until one of us falls asleep, with slight breaks for school, naps and other important stuff ( yes, naps first, everything else second ). when aven and i first became friends i was the biggest sap, y’all have no idea. i remember expressing how much better i felt about life because when i fell asleep at night i could feel that i had someone who cared about me. the fact we didn’t live days and oceans and plane-rides away from each other, it had a great impact on me. we didn’t meet the first time until like, february 2016 or something like that, but just the fact that aven was out there, it was a huge deal. i broke off a lot of toxic relationships with aven by my side. the poor bastard was stuck in a skype-call with me where i just cried and we kept writing to each other despite that we had microphones bc aven was so fucking shy. that lead to several more skype-calls through 2016 which were never less than like, 8 hours. this person and their support got me to a point in my life where i could pursue my dreams. i won’t get into details with it, but this was nothing that they had directly planned, but just something that came out of me feeling strong enough. they were the safety net that i always screamed at before taking a difficult test and who told me to just breathe. i always passed, and aven was always there to tell me how hopeless i am for panicking but also that they KNEW i was going to pass. the point is, i never really felt like i was alone through this whole time that i have had aven. they are definitely like, one of my favorite people in the history of mankind, after like, jesus. aven has been the most mature friend i have ever had. all the times we could have blown into a fight, because i get so passive aggressive if i’m hurt enough, they always made sure that we calmed down and that i wrote out exactly what got me upset. aven never wanted any drama or fights, which has been the biggest relief for me. they always take time out of their own misery to make sure i am okay. when i am not okay they can stay up until 3am just so i won’t do anything dumb before i sleep. do you hear what an amazing human being this is? yeah. all aven is going to say is “WELL IT IS THE TEACHER IN ME” but, teacher or not, amazing nonetheless. a lot of the time i want to break myself down. i feel so useless, boring, ugly, annoying, and like everyone hangs out with me just for pity. i feel like our friendship is not what it used to be and that aven definitely doesn’t like me the same way, maybe bc they don’t handle all my ass-kissing anymore or give it to me in return, bc we’re too close for that, but aven is always there to tell me “wtf kaffi i talk to you every day when would i have the TIME to start hating you”. aven always talks to me about how worried they are for everyone. their dashboard, people they do and don’t talk to, they are both happy when you are happy and sad when you are sad. aven wants to spread positivity, and make this roleplaying community a better place. which they are. not only do they give us a wave of original, unique, well-written characters, awesome graphics, but also always greets us good morning, good evening, and sometimes good night. aven has always been so good at being the best they can ooc on their blogs, something i am personally awful at. there are still things for me to admire and try to become in this friend of mine that part-times as my bully and makes me cry about five times a week. i am eternally grateful that i get to talk to this person every day, and that our gay and our shared bitterness has kept us going through a lot of shit. and now, aven is one year older, along with their blogs, and our friendship. i know it won’t help that i wish you a great day, so i’l just say... i hope your cramps don’t kill you !!