#no dont question me on my choice of sinners

[plsleafmelon]

HARDEST FUCKING FIGHTS OF MY LIFE WHAG THE HELL

[drawlody]

It's time I contribute to the Adam nation with my interpetation of Sinner!Adam >:DDD

Going over some design choices here yes yes:

1 horn cause i saw some fics on ao3 where he would, in mad denial, ripped off it on his own n its just so cool??? like the self-rejection there? lovely 💗💗💗

Skirt also ao3 again ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ wanted to use a leather jacket but that aint working well with robes so here an alt:D I thought it would be hella funny to have the skirt be imagery of the exorcists causing mayhem, like fallen or not, the hatred for sinners n the pride of a general is still very much there (The excorcists r 1 big fucked up family n no nothing u said will convince me otherwise:))

Revoke wings privilege cause yes , i saw the hc of Adam hugging himself with his wings while in distress going around n yeah thats totally him alright. SooOooOooo what better ways to ensure misery than to take away his 2nd fav bodypart :))) I swear i love him

Angelic steel tail, so i have a certain scene i wanted to draw n for that to happen he need smth enough to fight ok?

Lamb characteristics, everyone know the whole ''sacrificial lamb'' deal we got going on with Adam so yeah it's that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ He got hooves but he will kill himself before letting others see them:D

I got the "underwear with his own name" thingy from *cough*rule34*cough* ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) dont question it

Charlie is like the least enjoyable to draw , idk why tho

Doing all this really get rid of my perfectionism cause the need to get these out fast is stronger:D (like this panel is 30m of work)

I am also digging this b&w colouring on a grey bg thingy

He's not "Daddy", he's "Grand-daddy x1000" ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

Never has my ref board got this messy omg i mean half of them r for the Overlord! design (coming soon give me a few days:))so yeah its a 2 in 1

I spent like 30m or smth coming up with the actual designs n several hours just to choose the palette (i really hate this stage(╬▔皿▔)╯)

Wait the Overlord! may take longer since im kinda make this into an AU maybe? So i'll need to come up with a Fallen!Excorcist design, peferably with bird traits . Ya can check this post for the initial ideas ✍(◔◡◔)ada

[the-bloody-sadist]

ONLY SIX OF YOU WILL SEE THIS IM SURE BUT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN TODAY AND I AM MAKING PROGRESS ON THAT SINNER EPILOGUE THATS BEEN THE HANGNAIL OF MY LIFE LATELY AND I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH IVE FELT LIKE I CANT WRITE ANYMORE BECAUSE MY FOCUS AND MOTIVATION HAS BEEN FUCKED UP (since my brain is too aware that writing doesn’t make me money and new followers, ART does, so I’m wasting time) BUT I DONT KNOW MAYBE I STILL GOT IT. QUESTION MARK.

THATS ALL. 🫡

JUST KNOW IM WRITING THAT SINNER THING.

On a quieter note, I really miss having commentary and compliments on my writing. It was a huge source of fulfillment and comfort to me. I still get a nice trickle of it over the months from new Sinner readers mostly, but I miss when I was posting Dancing With Death on here (even though I loathe looking at the absolute dogshit versions that are up on tumblr because the formatting for posts is INSANE and I can’t copy-paste from my word doc for updated edits….oh god the minx sex chapter is so bad…oh god…) to the point where I’m ALMOST. Almost. Thinking about taking it out of Patreon lockdown and posting all of the chapters I have here? Because I’m really stuck on it and I think that any sort of feedback/interest might be the shove I need to start working on it again.

That is, if it even gets interest 🙂‍↕️ which is the issue. Do I want to sacrifice the small chance I have at professionally publishing DWD by posting everything on here and dooming it to self-publishing? Or do I want to keep it in the basement on Patreon where nobody engages with it except my best bud (who’s the biggest fan I love him so much) and I’m not sure if I’m making the right story choices….?

TOUGH DECISIONS. I DONT USUALLY POST ABOUT RANDOM THOUGHTS BUT IVE HAD TO CUT OFF SO MANY PEOPLE AFTER THE ELECTION AND IM A BIT LONELY. YOU UNDERSTAND IM SURE.

OKAY GOODNIGHT SLEEP TIGHT MUAH SHOULD I SING YOU A LITTLE LULLABY?? NO???????? NO??? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!?

[catholic-academia-aesthetic]

hello! i resort to this since I don't have access to a catholic church/guide to ask this type of things. So, here's whats happening: since i was little i always had this admiration towards the Virgin Mary, i always thought that she was beautiful and kind and nowdays i still do, she's like a mother figure for me. But, in the other hand, im extremely scared of God and Jesus. i dont know why, and i feel ashamed to confess it, but I don't feel the same safe and loved with the idea of them like i do with Mary.

Also, im a lesbian, and im even more afraid because of that since i know that religion usually has something against it.

Am I a sinner? Is there a way for me to be less scared of God and Jesus? only beliving in Mary is an actual religion?

Im sorry for bothering, but i really need to start beliving in something because my life is falling apart and i don't want to lose it all. Anyways, I hope this isn't uncomfortable, and i wiah you have a lovely day, afternoon or night! 🩷

hi, thank you for reaching out and sharing all this! I'm sad to hear your life is falling apart, that must be an awful feeling. I'm here for you for whatever it's worth.

There's a lot here so my anwer will obviously be a CliffsNotes version, full of shortcuts and simplifications.

First of all, of course you are a sinner. We all are. Every human in history apart from Mary and Jesus was a sinner. Every saint was a sinner.

I see that you feel close to the Virgin Mary, that her beauty and kindness speaks to you, you admire her. But it doesn't lead you to God, on the contary, you're very afraid of Him.

This makes me wonder where did you learn about Mary? How have you come to know the things that make you admire her? How did you learn she is kind and motherly? What were your sources? Was it genuine Catholic teaching, or maybe some private ideas passed on by someone you know?

Is the person you admire actually Mary, the Mother of God, or is it some vague idea of her built in your or someone else's imagination?

We Catholics admire Mary because of her devotion to God. We admire her courage in agreeing to be the Mother of God and her humility in raising her Son who was God. We admire her because Salvation was made possible through her response and sacrifice.

If you take God out of the picture, what is there left to admire about Mary? Without God there is no Salvation and all of her life choices look rather sad and uninspiring. She's a young woman who had a baby in weird circumstances, then watched him grow into a preacher to be mercilessly tortured and killed for nothing. What's admirable about that? Many women's children were unjustly persecuted but that doesn't make these women worth our admiration. Compassion, yes. But not admiration.

So if you don't want to know God and Jesus, if you're not interested in God's plan for your salvation and in Jesus' sacrifice to bring your salvation about - what do you admire about Mary? If you don't think she did all that for God - what was the point?

Obviously you can't answer me so I'm just leaving all these questions here for you to think about.

The answer to have these things sorted out is good Catholic teaching. It'll take some time, but to really love someone you need to first get to really know them. If you want to love Mary, you need to learn who she is. And if you learn she will eventually point you towards her Son, because that's what she always does. Start with Bishop Barron's videos on Mary on youtube. Word on Fire channel and website has tons of videos and articles to explore. Take a peak at the Catechism. Whatever you do, look for legitimate Catholic teaching, stick to the mainstream. If you learn enough about Mary you'll see Jesus in a new light. Let her lead you to Him.

On a completely different note, this can be a psychological issue. When you say you're 'extremely scared of God and Jesus' it makes me worried. These are very strong words and very strong feelings to be had about this. What makes you feel this? Did someone tell you God is scary and you should be afraid of Him when you were young? Is there something in your life that makes you afraid and distrustful of men in general? Is this a case of bad, fear-based religious teaching you were subjected to? Or is it a case of independent mental issues bleeding into your religious life? Sadly, both happen often and many people share these feelings with you.

If I was your friend, I would advise you to have that looked at by a psychologist-type person. If you're clear on that front you can move to learing and Marian theology with a peace of mind. Whether you decide to do the psychological consultation or not, I would also advise you to find a spiritual guide. It can be a priest but it can also be nun, I imagine that could make you feel more comfortable. If there aren't any where you live you can literally find 5 or 10 female religious orders online and just shoot them an email. Just copy what you wrote to me if you don't feel like writing an new message. Ask for help, guidance. Maybe you can go visit them for a few days. See what they say.

You can always message me, but in your difficult situation you need more support, you need irl people to help you through this. You need them to be smarter and better at this than I am. Again, thank you for sharing all this vulnerable stuff. I hope my answer was helpful. I will be praying for you through Mary's intercession!

[im-a-regular-joe]

Lets talk about my favorite charater Chazwick Thurman and do what I do best

Overanalyze

I wanna do a little deep dive and some theorizing on this hot shark man. So lets go.

In the episode Exes and Oohs we are introduced to Chaz Thurman, a dumbass shark man with sex for brains. We are soon infromed that he happens to be the ex of both Millie and Moxxie and he tells the story of him and Moxxie's realationship.

he speccifically says

"But I still remember it like it was yesterday! You, a fledging mafioso; me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle. It was like it was written in the stars!"

Remember that

okay so I have a couple throeies on my boy Chaz so

I know quite a few people hate this shark man with a burning passion, but, if you really look closely at his character, you'll see that he's actually not much of a bad guy. The whole flashback montage of Moxxie and Chaz showed that Chaz really did love Moxxie, and even when he left Moxxie behind, you can tell by the look on his face that he felt he had no other choice.

2. This is more of a question but. Did Crimson kill Chaz? Because I thought the only way for someone to die is if they are killed with an angelic weapon. So does that just mean Crimson horrifically mutilated Chaz?

And if Crimson DID use an angelic weapon, then what about all of those people Millie killed at the wedding? Are they actually dead? Because they weren’t killed with angelic weapons.

3. I don't think Chaz is an imp. We see throughout the episode different demons that are kinda shark themed. I think he was one of them. Chaz has no imp characteristics. No horns, no imp tail, no white hair. He’s a full-blooded shark demon.

Chaz is based off a shark, if you look at the other shark background characters you'll see that they seem to be a whole species. They have the swirly eyes, they can have black markings on their tails, spikes/fins, skeletal parts, and very different body types.

like these sharks from Hazbin Hotel

and some of these guys from the wedding

I think that Striker is part shark demon, part imp, because of his different coloration, unusually large size, swirly eyes, black tail markings, snout (I dont think we've ever seen an imp with a snout) and lack of red on his eyes, which is a trait that we see on most of the other imps, when their pupils shrink, a bit of red iris is shown, however Striker lacks this trait.

Also intresting point they bleed red blood

no sure if they're sinners or if its a consistansy issue but ya

4. I have this sneaking suspision that Chaz abbadoning Moxxie was a completly self centered desision.

I biased of couse but look at this man.

You see a narrcisistic shark man I see a man in love who happens to be a narrcisistic shark man.

During the heist scene lets talk about his face.

hearing the sirens

The realization. He has to make a choice.

Regret.

Hmmmmmmm.

5. I have some speculations on how Chaz reached the conclusion of "Ditch Moxxie"

The money was really that important. As we all know Chaz is flat broke. So was the money really that important to him. I feel like him and striker have simmilar situations. But stiker chooses to rage and rebel and Chaz chose to adapt and try and make the best of it.

This might be a reach but Moxxie's legs as we know where permentaly mutlated by the heist incident

Right so even though Chaz seems to be a complete dumbass there is a chance that he did recognize the damage already done and made a rash desion to let Mox be arrested because if he had tried to help him fast enoguh to get away they could risk permently severing Moxxie's leg and hurting him. Getting arrested could possibly be what saved him.

But again I'm dumb don't murder me.

[born-to-riot]

I’m here, you naughty little child! I can see you’re very greedy for your present. I like the sinners. Let’s play.

I’m glad we’re staying in Prythian. It’s a wonderful playground of intrigue and plotholes that we can bash our boys around in. Let’s throw our boys into a situation with Rhysand planning another mission. Eris smarms them up and Azriel is High Lord’s silent, broody shadow.

1. Would you like to see more of Tamlin, Lucien, or Nyx?

2. Which parts of the world would you like to see?

3. What rating are you comfortable with?

4. Do we care about Mor?

Let’s put some other players on the field!

HI SANTA

I am a naughty child, this is true

(I may be greedy but I am also patient SO DONT WORRY)

(I am also a gremlin, as you may have noticed)

IM WXCITED FOR PLOT HEHEHEHEE

now to answer your questions

1. While I like all three options I’d say more of Tamlin (and Lucien) but also I don’t like Tamlin bashing (he may be a bitch but like shit if Feyre pulled that shit on me I’d be a bitch too)

I WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN WRITING SANTA so feel free to take anything I say with a grain of salt. (I know I may be a sinner, but I’d feel really really bad if you were stressing and not enjoying whatever you were making for me)

2. I am happy anywhere in Prythian or whatever other place you may have in mind (I must admit I have a certain weakeness for the Summer Court Men) (and I think Amren and Varian are just an untapped opportunity of comedic potential)

However, Santa, feel free to take me anywhere your mind sees fit, I don’t really have a particular vision in mind when it comes to location. Autumn is pretty, Night is Azriel’s home, and there are so many other courts they could take their mission. (Long story short: be as creative as you want)

3. SKY IS THE LIMIT

I’m unsure if you’ve seen my Ao3 bookmarks, or know anything about my preferences (which is fine because you will be my friend after this you have no choice)

But if it gives you any indication of my preferences, the SAW franchise is one of my favorites. (I like blood and danger and gore, not necessary but when used well it can raise the stakes, yeah?)

As for smut, you can make it as kinky as you want as long as it serves the plot lol. With Azris, I don’t have a preference for a top, in fact I think switching depending on the mood is great. I also will never say no to a mating frenzy (I love it when it’s feral and it’s almost like there’s some other power driving them BECAUSE ITS HOT OKAY. I’m also weak to emotional support and soft shit (mostly because I think with Azris it’s a nice breath away from all the havoc of their daily lives and responsibilities and IDK IM RAMBLING)

(I’m a baby tho and I don’t like reading smut about azris with other people than each other so if that’s what is to happen than make that specific type of smut only suggestive please)

So I guess that’s a really long way of saying that I am game for pretty much anything. WITH SMUT it’s not necessary as I care more about the plot. But at the same time, I feel like you have a creative mind so I trust you Santa.

(Again BE MY FRIEND)

My hard limits are incest, scat, and DV(specifically between azris)

4. I DONT CARE ABOUT MOR

Listen usually I’m a girls girl through and through BUT YOURE TELLING ME THIS GIRL LET THIS GUY FAWN OVER HER FOR CENTURIES ALL BECAUSE SHE WAS A LESBIAN (like I know Az is at fault too because buddy needs to learn how to take a hint) BUT like I’m sorry—SOMETHING IS SUSPICIOUS. She wouldn’t be this cagey about the truth of whatever happened with Eris (he keeps saying it’s not what everyone thinks) if she isn’t lying about something. (Acotar fandom, please don’t hate me. It’s just at this point it seems the only thing Mor does for the IC is cause drama) (I may be exaggerating). Point is Santa- I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER (I don’t hate her, I’m just not enthused at this point)

5. I’m not sure if this was a question, but about putting other players on the field…

- I’m fine with OCs because I think sometimes canon characters can’t fill a certain role in the story that is missing.

- I also like when Beron has some nuance to him, nothing can come from nothing and sure he’s flawed but he has more aspects to him than what Feyre sees in sure (I guess l mean It probably isn’t as emotionally easy for Eris to kill him as he plays it off) (I’m not saying make Beron a good guy btw, he’s a piece of shit, but I’m saying like hey if you want to add some nuance I wouldn’t mind)

(Also I’m purely just rambling PLEASE I AM JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU AS MUCH INFORMATION so you can figure out what you need to)

______

OKAY SANTA I ANSWERED ALL YOUR QUESTIONS!

Feel free to ask me more

As I’ve said I want to be friends

Am I allowed to ask you some in return ?

ALSO don’t think I fail to notice you are aware of my sins. Like calls to like. I bet you’re naughty too hehe

ANYWAY I think I’ve yapped long enough, I hope this helps

I would apologize for rambling but I think you like it 😘

[fizzbot]

alright, you, this isn't a choice ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS OR I WILL EXPLOTE!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHH NO DONT EXPLOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok this got kind of long, so im answering this hellaverse critical ask game under the cut!!!!

1. Explain, not necessarily a criticism, but a nitpick that you have for whatever reason. oh i LOVE to nitpick <333333 i really fucking hate that the sinners cant leave pride. thats literally the dumbest shit ever. guys, that would SOLVE THE OVERPOPULATION PROBLEM????? exterminations straight up would not be necessary (or at least could be way less frequent) if the sinners could travel. some other little things.......i hate that mammon is the only sin that acts like a sin. the REASON lust and gluttony are considered ""deadly sins"" isnt to say 'sex is bad' or 'eating any more than you need is bad', its about how you partake. lust is a sin when you use sex for your own gain, and disrespect others boundaries. gluttony is a sin when you overindulge, taking from the needy and hoarding what you need. bee is an alright character and i LOVE ozze, but why do they care about being respectful???? theyre not really sins if they only show the good aspects of a sin right?????????????????? whats sinful about how ozzie partakes in sex. OH OH OH ALSO. VEGA WAS CAST OUT OF HEAVEN FOR SPARING A CANNIBAL CHILD. A HELLBORN SPECIES. THEY ARE PARDONED FROM THE EXTERMINATION, WHY DID SHE GET KICKED OUT FOR THAT,,,,???? idk JKLSDFHJKLSDF i could list nitpicks all day, i gotta move on

2. What's your favorite and least favorite design in either show? for helluva boss, i gotta give "best design" to striker. i am incredibly biased because hes one of the only characters i like im choosing to ignore western energy and oops but i really like it!!!! its simple, effective, and i think that really lends to the twist in harvest moon. like, yea, this cowboy might be evil, or he could just be a cowboy. for WORST hb design its Bee. no question or context whatsoever. her colors are so fucking bad. for hazbin.....i think my favorite design is probably mimzy!!!! again, real simple, but conveys 'flapper' super well. this is honestly not saying much bc i really dont LOVE her design but i like the trim on the chest a lot and her palette isnt totally eyebleeding. rosies is also pretty good!!! i also like missi's but im a little biased towards the scenecore look JHKLSDFHJK as for worst design.......ugh i might have to give it to val. it makes me so fucking angry. WHEN HE OPENS HIS WINGS HIS DESGN IS GREAT. THE GOLD, THE BELT, THE OPEN SHIRT. BUT THEYRE ALWAYS CLOSED INTO AN UGLY ASS ROBE THAT MAKES NO SENSE. also alastor sucks but thats a given im not even gonna mention it

3. What character do you think has the most wasted potential? Why? ok this isnt really an answer but......every female character. all of them. i am not exaggerating. vega's angel twist couldve been so good but was so stupid. she has no character traits other than "charlies overprotective girlfriend". the exact same thing is true for millie. most of the mom characters die or are bitches. stella is the worst example of this as there is nothing to her at ALL other than evil (earlier i was watching some of the early eps and you can see so many photographs in the bg of her, stolas, and via looking like a happy couple. whered that go). charlie is the princess of fucking hell and yet is completely and totally useless and is worlds biggest pushover. velvet is usually ignored in favor of the 2 male vees, even in (or even ESPECIALLY in) fanworks. why is nifty like that. also honorary male character: PENTIOUSSSS PENTIOUS PENTIOUS PENTIOUS. SO FUCKING WASTED. it genuinely makes me so fucking angry that HE got the redemption when he HAD NO ARC. NONE. HE DID NOTHING WORTHY. BUT THEY HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING AND JUST?? CHOSE NOT TO??

4. What are some aspects of the shows you actually enjoy? .....uhhh..... JHKSDLFHJKLSDFHSDJKL im blanking. honestly im not sure why i enjoy watching them so much. maybe i like them mostly to riff on??? but there was a time where i did enjoy both?? i think i just like watching the little ""arcs"" play out, even if theyre executed horribly. i might come back to this one to think of a better answer

5. What's a redesign from the crit community that you enjoy? i dont think ive ever seen an alastor design thats WORSE than the og. every single one ever is an improvement

6. What's a ship you hate and why? oh. so many. if were talking canon ships, i fucking HATE stolitz. absolutely awful no redeeming qualities ever which SUCKS because i totally think you COULD MAKE IT WORK AND THEY CHOSE NOT TO. its weird slimey fetish bait and i hate it and it totally ruins any stolas development for me bc i just despise him. i also really hate cherrisnake. i think they coulda made it work? but also it was a ship i didnt like even before it was canon, so the awful execution just left a bad taste in my mouth. as for noncanon ships, i hate all alastor ships, but radioapple has a special spot in hell imo. idk why it fills me with so much rage JKLSDFHJKSDHJKL other than that, most canon ships are boring and i dont care about them ether way

7. What's a ship you enjoy? BLITZKER SWEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!! fuck that random bot for taking the blitzker user in 2012 i should be me!!!!!!!!!!!! blitz x striker is so real to me. if viv wants toxic yaoi in her shows so goddamn badly at least make it COMPELLING. cowboyfriends are SO compelling. to me. i also do like fizzmodeus, theyre pretty cute!!!! uhhh. some others i like are polyvees, one-sided radiostatic, zestmilla, mammon x adam, anddd.....i think with some SERIOUS re-writing, huskerdust could work. weve done a great job of it in our fix-verse so far 😎

8. If you had to rewrite a ship in canon - which one and how? ALL OF THEM. LET ME SAVE THIS SHOW. stolitz and huskerdust are the big ones though......for stolitz, i would get rid of their little quid pro quo deal. i know a lot of critics hate it, but i think you could make the "childhood friends" thing work, if, as adults, they rekindled that friendship first. no weird sex deals/manipulation on EITHER end. let them bond over something else. with huskerdust, i also think it could work if husk didnt start really getting interested/involved with him until AFTER angel did some healing. husk shoudlnt have to be the one to fucking save him, he should give angel a wake up call so he knows hes continuing the cycle of abuse. i think maybe after angel makes amends for all the sexual harassment, THEN they could become friends. THEN they could become lovers.

9. Doodle / write request! Asker gives you a (non-NSFW) prompt to draw / give a drabble for! you didnt include this in your ask but i asked you over discord and you said kitty!!!!! fitting, since shes a fizzbot :}c here you go!!!! a little skatch of her!!!!

10. What's a theory you have for future episodes of either show? i think we kinda nailed it when we had that conversation over the phone about the full moon ep in helluva. "blitz is gonna take stolas giving him the crystal as a sign that stolas DOESNT like him, and hes gonna feel all betrayed and sad and hurt. im not mad about this because i think its stupid, im mad because i KNOW its stupid, and i KNOW its gonna be what happens". also i think adam is gonna come back as a sinner but so many people have said that one first

11. Asker gives you a ship to rate and give your perspective on. again you didnt give me one so i asked you over discord and you said BLITZKER!!!!!!!!!! i love these stupidass cowboyfriends 9/10!!!!!!!!!!!! i could literally talk about them all day. their relationship is like, the only thing that stays semi-consistent in western energy in oops so thats all those eps have going for them. but i LOVED their energy in harvest moon. striker seems so pleasantly surprised to find someone about at his skill level!!!!! blitz is the ONLY one who can make sex jokes around him, and have striker NOT be mad at him for it!!!!!! you could argue hes just manipulating blitz SURE but i like to think there is at least some attraction there. calling him "bossman" is just gay as hell IM SORRY. losing points just because. i hate harvest moon and oops striker i HATE HIM I HATE HIM. THEY RUINED HIM . MY BOY :(((((((((((((

12. What media do you enjoy or are critical of? like. what other things do i enjoy?? i enjoy a lot of things :PPP i keep everything else i like/am critical of over on @cloudyscollections <3333 but the most similar relationship to this show i have would be my one with miraculous ladybug. at least that one can get away with being a show for children

13. If you're doing a rewrite - asker offers an inquiry or suggestion about your rewrite. i dont think this is applicable bc you co-own the rewrite anyway HJKLSDFHJKLDF

14. Free space!

blitz sitting like field mouse

THANKS FOR SENDING THIS BABE MWEMWMEWMEMWEMWMWEMWMWEMWEMW <33333333333333333

[mchiti]

i just dont understand people's obsession with other people's religion. faith is supposed to be something personal, between a person and god. why are people trying to analyse other people's behavior and put them in "good muslim" "bad muslim" boxes? i remember the same thing happening back when 1d were popular and every muslim fan i knew was obsessed with zayn's deen. freaking out when they see him smoke or drink or not fast ramadan when they were on tour. how many muslims do we know in our personal lives that are doing those exact same things ? its unfair that people want popular muslims to be the perfect picture of islam. if they want that maybe dont get attached to singers and footballers and look up imams or something. im sorry im ranting in ur inbox but as a muslim who grew up in morocco i just feel its really uncalled for to judge someone's deen especially when they grew up in the diaspora or don't understand arabic and in hakim's case went through tough times that might shake anyones faith. and even if that wasnt the case his faith is his and his alone and we should all respect that

Anon don't apologise for ranting, all good.

I'm not a hijabi. I know pretty well what it means to be questioned, this choice alone makes everything harder and I only have to thank that I have my father who respects and understands my choice and supports me through it. I used to be and I will always support and love hijabi women, but I personally decided this for myself.

I remember that about Zayn Malik, yes, and I felt sorry for him. The discrepancy is quite ironic, because you read all of the judgement but then you go out in the streets, in the real world out there, and it's full of Muslim kids who drink, who smoke, and who struggle greatly, trying to cope being diaspora kids in the west. Let alone most of them live the struggle of being social outcast and very often come from low-income families. t's not just diaspora kids anyway, I know how many struggle in Morocco. We wouldn't be here being diaspora kids in the first place. So what start out as a war against "sinners" becomes a war against the poor and I can't help to think there's a fine line between religion and classism and some people really cross that line. What can people hold against Hakim anyway, he fasts and got a lot of shit because of it in his career (remember when him and Noussair were fasting during UCL and some people at Ajax were mad?). It's only because of his background (some of it quite exaggerated by the media for racist purposes anyway) and yeah, most times that's just poverty stigma and not much more.

We don't have a lot of representation so Muslim people who are famous end up under the microscope for everything but you're right, they're not Imams, they are people with they complexity and layers which we all have. I genuinely don't know what else to say, and my religion didn't teach me to judge people, especially not the most vulnerable.

[citrusvortex]

With the Hazbin episodes out I figure I give a good ol review on the episodes I seen so far, I’ve just took screenshots from my notes because typing on a small phone sucks, this review will have some praises and criticisms, also will touch on sensitive topics so if you don’t like that I recommend you do not read this, anyways onto the review.

MENTIONS SA/ABUSE PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION

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Most of what I wanted to say will be n these photos, but right now I’m gonna go over my gripes I have plus what I like!

No this is not a review where I bash the show nor Viv btw, sorry to anyone who was hoping it was

WHAT I DONT LIKE / CONFUSES ME

1-I’m very confused in the plot, I thought it was supposed to be about sinners being redeemed, when did the heaven vs hell war come into play? I mean I don’t mind a show where the roles are reversed but shouldn’t that have been in the pilot from the beginning?

2-Fast pacing, I mean I’ll be slightly lenient on this one because S1 has eight episodes, but I feel like on one hand there’s too much going on or on the other hand too little, who knows the season finale might surprise me

3-Lil too much swearing, while I do not mind it seeing that these are demons who don’t really care, nor do I personally care for lots of cussing, I think it can be toned down a bit

4-I feel like there’s some good characters here, but they can be executed better, so far there alright, not amazing but I’ve seen worse

5-Writing is a lil all over the place, that’s my one issue with Viv, though compared to Santa Inc or a game like Garten of Bad Bad and so on… but yea that definitely needs some work

WHAT I LOVE/LIKE

1-Songs are catchy as hell, love em

2-Love the art style, while yes there’s too much red even though this takes place in the pride ring it doesn’t make my eyes bleed so far, character designs are good too, not to completely bland but also not too complicated

3-The fact that this started as a pilot on YouTube that became a series is impressing

WHAT I DESPISE THE MOST

Twitter and the fandom, that’s it

Overall my rating is still 8.5/10! I’ll make another review once I seen all the episodes!

Edit-Yes I’m aware of the questionable choices that Viv has said and done, but I can’t be mentally bothered to add them

[colorsinsideofhell]

Seated before the bar, Kalliope listened intently to Husk's words, her hand resting against her cheek as she pondered his musings. Despite her mind wandering, she remained attuned to his conversation, her thoughts tethered to the present by his words. A soft laugh escaped her lips at his jest, the sound carrying a hint of amusement.

Though she had never been one to partake in alcohol herself, Kalliope found solace in the simple act of watching Husk indulge in his drink.

꒰ ❛ Human huh? It's the first time I've heard a sinner say that, and look, I've been here for a while...❜ ꒱

With a slight hum reverberating from her lips, Kalliope absentmindedly traced her finger along the rim of the glass, eliciting a strange harmony between the resin and the smooth surface of the glass. As Husk posed his question, her cherry-colored eyes shifted towards him, a hint of mockery dancing in their depths, before she finally spoke.

꒰ ❛ Well, darling, I suppose it's simply a matter of perspective, isn't it? Some may see me as a victim of circumstance, while others might argue that I'm simply a product of my choices. But in the end, does it truly matter? We are here to suffer our consequences and be dammed or killed by exorcist i dont tell this to be an downer but is our life..or after one?❜ ꒱

"Are you an monster or an victim?...i know i am an victim.."

@colorsinsideofhell

@colorsinsideofhell

Husk eyed the fox demon over the rim of his glass as he took a methodical sip. He considered his words carefully before letting out a heavy sigh.

"I think I'm human," the bartender asserted. "Made plenty of mistakes and questionable choices, but I think my regret sets me apart from the monsters. Not innocent enough to be a victim, but I've sure as hell known suffering..."

He drank again, savoring the burn as it flowed down his throat.

"And why do you think that about yourself?"

[letusmeetagain]

First i wanna say i really like all your analysis and theories because you put so much effort into them and im really gratful we have someone like you who like i said again have wonderful theories that make so much sense so please i have a question for you regarding a certain well...very dragged topic so if you wouldnt like to awswer i will totally understand it just i wanted to hear YOUR opinion because i really do appreciate your analysis of snk anyway my question is regarding erehisu...not i dislike it but its just im so tired can isayama make em or eh canon already so this clownery end...BUT i really do believe eremika will be the endgame because of all the proof that we have in the manga but people tend to make it as if its a crack ship ugh...what do you think hisu's final role will be? What do you think eren awswered her? Though i dont believe hisu's question meant any romantic undertones what do you make out of her question to eren?

Hi anon!!

Thank you for your kind words T.T

Well... the question focuses on my opinion on which ship has more chances to become canon, right?

I’ve spent some time thinking about my answer to this question, how I could go direct to the point while giving enough arguments to defend my opinion. Prepare yourself because I couldn’t and this will be very long. Sorry...

1. Eren’s characterization + romance

First of all, there is a very important point about Eren that shipers (even me sometimes) forget. A friend that loves and understand Eren the most pointed this many times when I was starting to forget about it... I dare to say that nobody surpasses her understanding of his characterization.

Eren isn’t a romantic person. We all have to keep in mind that his priorities aren’t the priorities a normal person would have. He is like Rick from Casablanca. There’s the duty and then dreams and then, maybe, romantic love (If we take for granted that he knows what it is). Erwin loved Marie but he had a priority. (There’s me finding more similarities between Erwin and Eren). Eren’s current development is more about his mission than a romantic one. Although he plays with romance, he does it while being blatantly blind about it.

Eren got caught in the middle of his normal development from a child that gets annoyed by romance and has some kind of allergy against cheesy moments (for ex. in ch. 3 with Franz and Hannah) to a teenager that blooms to feel romantic love as something important and unavoidable. It’s normal for kids. But Eren hasn’t a normal life. There was always something more important than learning how to love, be loved and express it openly. It’s not that he isn’t able to love, more likely the opposite. He knows how to love and he has his own ways to do it... but the way the world is restricted his possibilities to live a different life. Even in the way EMA never got to communicate properly most of the times. Communication runs sometimes as a question, a statement and no back question (for ex. ch. 3). Eren asked about Mikasa’s reasons to follow him, about Armin’s reasons, where he threw that line about his death being meaningless. Nobody said anything, neither Mikasa nor Eren reacted stating the opposite. They usually don’t have the time nor oportunity to talk or even think about essential topics as feelings of love or labeling their feelings.

Given Eren’s lack of experience and maturity that we could see until Marley arc. Is it even possible that he developed a carnal relationship with Historia before going to Marley? No. No, because it would contradict somehow his characterization. Eren is depicted exactly as someone that took this decision because he lost every single deep bond that would have stopped him. This lack of understanding brought him to this point. The lack of value he places on life and a comfortable life with friends and family.

2. The baby

The whole baby plot point is from my perspective just about the curse and a new generation (maybe) free from being SoY but just normal human beings.

Historia choosing this way was also the safest way to oppose her destiny... strategically speaking. She could trick everyone without being called openly a traitor. So I’m agree with you. Her question wasn’t romantic.

3. The father and his meaning

The father is, as I pointed out once in my Twitter acc., the farmer. My reasons are that there is a meaning behind his existence. He was a boy that dared Historia to break the rules and stop being submissive. He is aligned with Historia’s current role as someone who stopped being the good girl that follows stupid and detrimental rules in disregard of her own life. He is also a man that decided to redeem himself by helping her with the orphanage without trying to get her attention at all. Being a normal person who enjoys a normal life and also redemption. I’m not saying necessarily that it’s about love, but he isn’t just a nobody. He holds a deep, positive meaning for the story. Isayama pairs usually a sinner and an “innocent”: Annie and Armin, Eren and Mikasa, Erwin and Levi, Ymir and Krista, Historia and the Farmer. Eren and Historia are the current sinners on the matter that both chose the rumbling... let’s say.

Why this kind of pairing? Because one has to contribute to the improvement of the other. Two sinners (with the same crime and perspective) can’t help each other. It’s opposition what will bring them to overcome their weaknesses.

4. Development of the couples

That being said, Eren and Mikasa as pair are in the focus. Isayama went through 10 years of development of most of the pairs to build up a support for EreMika. He build parallels with YumiHisu and Falbi and gave us hints to understand EM better. The vow he made to her was probably one of those moments when he started to be romantic without noticing.

5. Eren and Historia: their moments

EH interactions are, conversely, of other nature. Both feel related about the point of carrying a big burden. While Eren has to save humanity fighting, Historia has the role of a founder who has to assure humanity’s survival by having children and keeping the royal family alive. Both want to be free from that burden and end up being “partners in crime” by betraying everyone. I’m missing the romantic interactions to be very honest. It’s because Eren is so self-focused that he anchors here when someone who is alone and having the same problems and feelings appears. But... where did the fandom start to see something between them?

Two moments. The moment when he said “she is admirable” and the moment when he insisted to spare her life. That obsession that is so tricky to even be explained.

The first one made a difference between how Eren acknowledges Historia’s attributes and disregards Mikasa’s. The fandom uses this to point out that Eren likes Historia more. Well, no. His relationship towards Mikasa was characterized by jealousy. He won’t admit anything.

Regarding his “obsession” to save her... this started when he knew the existence of Eren Krüger, his thoughts and the whole story about Dina. It wasn’t before that. We must also admit that Historia’s safety was related to more characters than just Eren. Since the very beginning, her safety was conveniently displayed by Frieda, Ymir and Reiner, what makes me believe that her destiny was to give birth to this baby (aka. plot armor). Her role is to avoid becoming a titan by her own choice, that’s her arc. With Krüger we also knew the importance of a royal: they can give birth to more convenient instruments for war. Knowing that he was devoted to the mission, I believe that Eren is being influenced by him (I want to highlight the word “influenced” as something different to manipulated). So this is all related to the mission and the final outcome about Ymir, the curse, the power and the baby. Eren partly wants to grant her the chance to choose, but he also pushes her to do so based on part of her desires because of the mission as he did with Grisha.

Add here the fact that Historia was prepared to sacrifice his life at the cave if it was needed. That shows her priorities.

A lot of EH shippers claim that she saved him. Regarding her role as savior, I’m more objective and skeptical. She spared his life, but emotionally speaking, she didn’t really save him. The proof is that he was still low, thinking that he was a nobody. Carla’s words were the message with enough impact to relieve him and make him open himself to Armin and Mikasa and tell them about his sorrows. This shows the difference on the impact on him when it comes to Historia and when it comes to Carla... this happens again in ch. 131. He thinks about his mother instead of Historia who was the one reproving his plan. To me, Historia is his friend and inspired him to fight just for his sake against the system and rebel those who are over him and oppressing him. But his soft side is related to Carla, Armin and Mikasa: his family and those, who appreciate his life over his fate and urge of freedom and to be acknowledged.

Bonus: when Eren told Historia that she saved him was more like “You chose this path once and I’m sorry. I’ll be starting the rumbling and you contributed”. Historia’s face to that looks like this: “Oh no...I fucked up”. It doesn’t look like “Oh no... I don’t regret saving you because I love you and I can’t live without you”. On the contrary, that’s when she realizes that she was part of this since the beginning and that by saving him, she chose to let the rumbling happen once in the past. Then she goes along with the plan for her own reasons and because she hasn’t better options to choose either.

Summary:

Eren didn’t develop as a romantic person yet nor prioritized romantic love over his mission. It goes against a previous explicit development of EH before the trip to Marley. The farmer has a positive meaning as the father. EM is more developed and shows romantic undertones and common tropes. EH hasn’t romantic undertones and it’s more related to the mission to save the eldians.

So... that was it. Sorry again for the length and thank you for the ask!

[petitprincess1]

A Little Advice

Chapter three to A Banger Party (Charlastor, Varlie/Chaggie)

Summary: Charlie doesn't know whether to take Alastor's deal or not. Luckily, a little fly on the wall is willing to listen to her woes. Well, spider not fly....and less willing and just happens to be within earshot.

Words: 1,067

Sorry that this took so long. Dont know if it'll be worth the wait, but I hope so. Again, sorry for any errors.

~~~

Charlie looked between the two of them with an uneasy feeling in her chest, not really liking at the sudden attention on her. She pulled at her collar and gave a nervous giggle, darting her eyes anywhere but at Vaggie and Alastor, “Oh boy! Did it suddenly get stuffy in here or what?”

Vaggie immediately got concerned about Charlie and reassured her, “You don’t have to answer him right now, hun. It’s perfectly fine. We’ll just-”

“Actually, I would prefer an answer now. No better time to start planning than the present. Besides, it’s just a simple event, nothing that needs to be pondered any more than it has to. It will only weave more seeds of doubt and distrust. Plus, we are partners,” Alastor chimed in with his smile growing a bit, especially at the moth sinner.

Charlie shifted in her seat more and was about to speak, but a knock at the door instantly made all her words dry up on her tongue. The voice on the other end shouted out, “Yo, I heard one ya went here. I don’t care who it is, but could ya help me out with some laundry or whateva?”

The princess shot up out of her seat and called out, “Yes, of course! I’ll help, Angel!” She then looked back at the two as casually and stiffly moseyed out of the room, grinning forcefully, “You two continue chatting with one another! I won’t be gone long!” She then slammed the door shut as she pretty much dashed out.

Alastor glanced at Vaggie, who glared back at him. He asked her, “So, shall we try for an awkward or sit in silence until she gets back?”

Vaggie replied, “Silence.”

“Good choice!”

~~~

Charlie carried a basket full of clothes down to the laundry room in the basement of the hotel, while Angel Dust just followed behind and texted on his phone. He was “supervising” once again. She looked over her shoulder and sighed in relief, “Thank you so much for getting me out of there. I mean, even if it wasn’t your intention, I needed it. I just felt so worried. I want to do something for the hotel to put it on the map and give it a name, but Alastor’s offer is a bit much. Not only that, but I still really don’t understand why he’s leaning so hard to help this hotel. Plus-”

creeeeak

Angel Dust cut her off by opening up the rusty-looking washing machine slowly and forcing it to make an ear-splitting, high-pitched noise. He gave an annoyed huff and commented, “Look, I only came down here ta help ya and because Niffty had threatened ta burn my toy stash if I didn’t help out. At least, I’m guessin’ that’s what she was sayin’. The doll was still pretty out of it.” He then leaned up against the machine, while Charlie loaded it up, and finished, “Point is. I ain’t here to chitchat.”

The princess blinked up at him and deadpanned, “If I give you $50, will you listen to my problems?”

Angel glanced down at her, looked back at his phone, and held out a hand, “Make it 80.”

The girl quickly fished out her wallet and then took out a few bills, handing them over to the spider demon. As he was counting out the money, Charlie had slumped against the machine and whined, “I just don’t know what to do! I want to go with Al’s choice because it would benefit so much, but I just know that there’s something else to it. Plus, Vaggie and I were able to get on 666 News without his help, I’m sure we’ll be able to get that same coverage again. ...It just feels like such a waste if I let this slip me by, you know? What’s the worst that can happen?”

Angel chuckled, smirking, “Oh, I can think of a few things that Smiles can do that could fuck this up for ya.”

The spider demon then flinched at seeing Charlie’s depressed demeanor as she finished placing the clothes into the laundry and closed the rusty door shut. Angel Dust shifted a bit and then shrugged his shoulders before patting Charlie’s head in a very stiff way. He informed, “Look, ya can either it around and think until the next Extermination comes or just say “fuck it”. I mean, it’s kinda odd ta think about at times, but ya are the princess. Al has no choice but to kinda listen ta ya. So, just do what ya did before. Set boundaries, put a leash on him, and maybe a small gag. You’ll do fine.”

Charlie gave him a small smile and asked, “You really think so?”

Angel Dust nodded and muttered, “If it gets me outta this conversation, then sure. ‘Sides, like you said, what’s the worst that he can do?”

The demon princess couldn’t contain her excitement as she hugged Angel tightly and squealed, “EEE!! Thanks, Angel Dust!”

The spider hugged her loosely and grumbled, looking off to the side and lightly petting the back of her head, “Yeah, yeah, don’t go tellin’ this ta anyone.”

~~~

After the discussion with Angel, Charlie went back to Alastor and Vaggie, announcing that she’s going along Alastor’s plan, while telling him that he will be kept on a short leash. As always, the radio demon just grinned at her terms and agreed to them before disappearing the moment the two gals blinked.

As much as she hated being overprotective, Vaggie couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy. She asked Charlie, “You sure that you thought this through, Charlie? Not to doubt your decisions or anything, but...you know…”

Charlie nodded, “I understand, Vaggie, but don’t worry! I got this all figured out! Now...let’s finish up getting this place straight and maybe get some hangover cures on the go for some guests.”

The moth sinner nodded at her and ran her fingers through Charlie’s hair just to stop in confusion as she pulled some things out from the thickness, possibly tucked into the back of the princess’ shirt. Vaggie questioned her, “Uh, Charlie, why do you have 80 bucks in your hair or on your back or whatever?”

The demon princess quickly turned around and grabbed the money with a surprised, excited gasp. She squealed, dancing in place, “Things are changing~!”

Vaggie blinked at her, “.....What?”

[rkivepacks]

TITLE: i’m good, i love you Series: why are you sorry? it’s not your fault you don’t love me [see previous work] Pairing: taekook/kookv/vkook (Kim Taehyung & Jeon Jungkook) Rating: PG13 Genre: angst but you’ll live Word Count: 2,029 Trigger Warning/s: swearing(?), one or two sentences of questioning self worth but not too graphic Cross-posted on: AO3/dtgloss

NOTES: ∟ banner by @rkivepacks​ ∟ request banner here ∟ request prompt/send commission here

∟ unbeta-ed ∟ the requests for a sequel for the first one was from a long time ago and im p sure when they said requests they were hoping for a fluff one but i wasnt in the mood for fluffy when i did this so...

Summary:   the difference between want and have is you

his eyes roam the words carefully printed on the wall, on the lower left part of the painting. it is where the title, date and artist are usually placed.

a piece of me is always found right beside you it follows you wherever you go it’s lonely from what i see where i stay far from you

alone.

taehyung, these days, is alone.

he is used to it but routine never makes it okay to be alone.

his sadness should not be a routine but, oh well, it is.

he stays in his average house that’s one in the lined town houses in the village. the area itself is decongested, only the people habituating each house goes in and out of their little village and everyone is almost familiar, if not knows, each other.

his own house in particular looks lived on. more so on the side of used but not so worn out. maybe the walls are not as white and clean as they used to be, a few scratches and dirts that got on it as days pass by but no ceiling has started falling down unprompted and everything works how they’re assigned to function.

taehyung would like to think he’s more sad than alone. he still has friends anyway but friends cannot always live with you on your house guised under the cover of it being a sleepover that turns into days.

but friends just like him have their own personal matters and cannot always be with him. he understands when hoseok cannot stay for more than two days and has to leave just before lunch to meet up with a close friend of his, one from outside of their group of friends so taehyung can’t have the option to ask to come with. he understands when jimin cannot come on days he’s asking him to and sometimes comes on a saturday instead of his friday night invite.

when he’s so down, he thinks he’s not entitled to his friends times but they assure him it’s not the case.

so no, he is not alone.

he goes over to the next display, going over the sculpture itself and then to the artist description posed near the display. the sculpture itself is a form that resembles a man that is slightly haunched, although it takes more than a second to realize as the form only captures the head to chest of a human body, but considering that the back part of it protrudes slightly the way a man would when lax. the main body is that of charcoal color but it was designed to portray a visual effect of a dripping paint from its head, represented with different colors which are bright enough to contrast its dark body.

the display is almost familiar and it has been staring at him longer than he stared at it.

the title is printed in bold, a sinner

love is not a sin but my thoughts about you and the way i see the word love around you is

taehyung moves on to another display, it being a worn out stack of paper that looks as if it has 300 pages of a4’s binded by a clip. he steps closer to it to inspect, knowing displays are off limits and can only be appreciated through the eyes, he skims over the word of what he found out would be a script of some sort.

he reads,

i’m drunk, i love you

the difference between want and have is you

he walks over to the last one if its placement by the exit is anything to go by, just like the last one he’s looked over, it’s a display with a single ring in the middle.

all alone

and it sits there as if it has been assigned to mock him and the ring that sits on the very bottom and far end of a box full of things he doesn’t need but can’t seem to throw away.

he reads the title and wow, yes. it’s definitely mocking him. he had been giving it the benefit of the doubt but the title is the last straw. this whole exhibit is out to mock him.

taehyung thinks he’s being over dramatic. but he also thinks this last display is offensive to him, absolutely personal.

—

taehyung sits at home, eyes on the tv he has playing as he waits for night time news.

it seems like the words of the last display he went to see that day have been imprinted on his brain, on the wall in front of him, on the ceiling as he looks up, when he close his eyes.

—

Once you told me, your eyes are always on me.

And you did, you took care of me.

Because you are that kind of person.

You put me before you.

All the time.

Which is why you are the best.

To be honest, I would not even put me before me.

—

taehyungiehyungihyung,

have you been well? i hope you are. the longest time i’ve been away from you is now and still counting— the present. the second one would be during Christmas breaks because you and your family spend it on your relatives home alternately and don’t come back until after new years. anyway... is your hair longer now? i hope it is and i hope you dont cut it. i seem to have a lot of hopes.

im packing up for a trip to a long trail not too far from here. they said it was too pretty to pass up and you get to reach the clouds.

, jungkook

taehyung reads the letter. he received it yesterday late afternoon and it doesnt have a date. jungkook often forgets to write dates so he assumes they were written at least three days ago.

it wasnt the first letter he received. he doesnt keep count but he has a few kept behind his door where he puts his mails.

in the first letter, jungkook said its best to not have taehyung write back. he goes from one place to another, he said. so, taehyung merely reads them and keeps them.

in the first letter, he also said about his sudden departure. he wanted to be away for a while and he knows his best friend would need him for the wedding so he decided to do it after. he didnt even get to say goodbye and only got a whiff of the younger when the letter came that day.

jungkook didnt say why he left and where he went. he just did. right after taehyung’s wedding, he packed up and went away from taehyung’s vicinity as far as he could.

does he know? taehyung asks. does he know i’m not married anymore?

—

his divorce with minji was something that stemmed off a petty thing.

falling out of love is a petty thing.

but, he guesses, they both cannot trap themselves in a house they’re not happy in anymore.

it was sudden, the divorce.

minji told him that she doesnt feel the same anymore. they agreed to stay off the house and after more than a week of a cool off she said she doesnt feel anything at all.

in taehyung’s case, he did not feel it the same way minji did. he only noticed once minji told him she felt that way. it made him feel that the heaviness in the room when they’re both in it was a foreboding for something.

taehyung is a giving lover. the time away from minji made him think a lot. he knows he doesn’t have a choice but to agree on the separation. forbid his thoughts, but he doesn’t want the time to come when the both of them completely falls out of love and seeks warmth from another person and then go home at night to sleep in the same bed.

he texts minji, because as accepting as he is about the decision, he’s not too keen watching a soon to be ex wife pack up and leave.

both of them were gradually moving out their personal items from the house. properties they bought with their shared money will be sold as secondhand items and some are donated.

in between moving out and settling in to a new apartment, he’s had namjoon and jimin with him and if yoongi has extra time mostly at night, he helps sort out his things.

he knew there was a missing person. he wanted to tell jungkook about it.

but jungkook wasn’t there.

—

until one day, jungkook is back.

suddenly, he’s there attending the dinner party for jin’s birthday, sat beside hoseok.

he casted him wary glances throughout the night. at some point he was even referencing to taehyung like everything’s so normal, but taehyung knows it’s just a very jungkook way of letting him know ‘i’m here and i will talk to you and acknowledge your presence whether you like it or not’. taehyung isn’t one for being petty so he went along with it. thankfully, their friends don’t seem to give too much thought into their two other friends sat on the opposite sides of the table.

the next day, jungkook seems to have arrived in taehyung’s new home at the same time a delivery for taehyung came. it eased jungkook’s nerves that he doesn’t have to go through knocking and then purposefully being ignored.

“did you order anything?” jungkook asks just as the delivery person makes their leave.

“i went and bought some essential oils.” taehyung silently gestures for the other to come in and jungkook did, locking the door behind him.

“how are you, taehyungie?” jungkook was sat in front of taehyung in the living room. there’s only the makeshift coffee table and some mats on the floor to sit on since taehyung have yet to buy a sofa.

“tired these days. in between work and unpacking. i’m jealous of kids who do nothing when they’re moving into a new home because they get a free pass to not do things around.” taehyung pouts silently, looking at the soda in can at hand while he traces a finger on the lid.

jungkook chuckles at that and after, no one speaks until, “i’ve heard about it.”

when taehyung makes no motion to respond to it, jungkook continues, “jimin hyung mentioned it to me one time that they were helping you move out so i asked... sorry.”

“it’s okay. i had friends who helped me. i got by.” taehyung winces.

“i wasn’t.” jungkook says, the here that follows hangs in the air which they know would follow.

“you were busy.” taehyung says instead.

jungkook would retaliate but he knows there’s no point.

“i sent you an invite to my exhibit. you went?” jungkook asks, hopeful.

“i did.”

“you didn’t insist to text me or write. i kind of assumed you would once you see it, but it’s okay. at least you did go to it.” jungkook pats his own thigh lightly to distract him.

“i wouldn’t know what to say. at the wedding, and even before that. i would feel something but i didn’t want to be that person and assume. i could be seeing it wrong, i don’t know.” taehyung rambles. “but then the other boys would also drop a few comments here and then.” and it’s true. sometimes jin would say teasing words and taehyung only acts as if he doesn’t get it and sometimes, he acts as if he didn’t hear it at all.

“you were happy. i don’t have any excuse.” jungkook whispers.

“now-“

“now what?”

“i guess to some extent, i liked you back. but i didn’t see it until now so i’m not going to rush this and jump into a relationship with you right away. it’s not fair to the both of us.”

“i understand. after all, your divorce is not yet finalized. i’d be here for you but i’m not gonna distract you from it.” jungkook assures him and that’s all he needs. everything will be okay.

“i know it’s the last day of your exhibit today. wanna go together?” taehyung smiles at jungkook and indeed, everything’s okay.

[mimi-cee-hq]

hi mimi i follow you but i dont always have the time to read what you post. im sorry abt that and im sorry if im wrong or if you already stated this made you uncomfy. i remember a while ago you said you were married. im not religious nor experienced love so i have a few anxietys about it. how do you know when you're in love? and how do you make that love last? i don't really know who to go with this question except you. its okay if you don't want to answer i understand. have a nice day lovely 💞

Hi Anon!! First of all, you don't have to apologize for not reading my stuff! lol. There are other things more important than reading my fics :)

I just want to preface that, even though you said you're not religious, I think these things are still applicable. If God is the one, true, living god (like factually and objectively true) and the Bible is true, then it's not only true for Christians, it's true for everyone whether you're religious or not. So I hope you understand that's the worldview I'm coming from and not think I disregarded the part where you said you're not religious.

(Also, it's totally normal to have anxieties about love because it's scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable to another person! I could probably write a whole post about how I felt when my husband first asked me out and when he first brought up marriage.)

So how do I know that I'm in love romantically? Uhh... it started with a crush for me, thinking that he was cute and admiring certain qualities about him. I don't think that crushes are bad, but if they're not rooted in something solid, the relationship won't last.

Those butterflies in your stomach won't last and it's not worth trying to make them last. A relationship can't be held together by pure emotion. (But it's not devoid of emotions either.)

Making a relationship last boils down to commitment and real love. 

It's a choice whether or not the two of you are going to commit to making it work. When you've decided, that commitment is formalized in marriage before witnesses. You'll likely stay together longer, especially if you've promised to stay together for life. If there's no commitment at all, it won't last. 

Regarding real love, the Bible defines what it looks like. Here are a few sample verses. (It's not limited to romantic love).

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:13

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:4

So the big issue is deciding whether or not to commit to loving someone. (That’s a whole other topic lol.)

For me and my husband, we're committed to each other because we both love God first and foremost and want to honour him with our relationship. And we continue to love each other because God first loved us. God, who is perfect, holy and just, loved us while we were sinners. He showed us what love looks like when Jesus laid down his own life to bear the punishment of our sins. (More about this here.)

So God is my motivation when love gets hard and we ask him for help because we can't do it on our own.

(Small caveat: I feel like a small number of you might read into this and think that I'm saying domestic abuse victims should stay with their abuser. I'm not and that's not what this post is about. If you feel like this came out of nowhere, you're probably not one of those people. lol.)

Thanks for this question! It gave me an opportunity to write down my thoughts about relationships in a coherent way. lol. I hope you have a nice day too!! ❤

[all-gods-children]

1) Hello! I had a question (: I'm 19 years old, and have this best friend I met while going to university. Me and her are so close, she is my best friend and family, she is like my sister. I am also a believer in Jesus(: I've tried to share at times but it doesnt seem to work.. shes also homosexual, so I was wondering how I would share my stance on that with her as a believer.. today I acidentally said while we were having a conversation that she 'chose' to be homosexual, and it made her..

2) emotional.. and i didnf realize why. And she said because I said "chose" and she said I didnt choose it. I was born this way. We dont chose to be like this. And she says emotional because it triggered her because her family is homophobic. But she knew I didnt mean to hurt her cause I grew up in an enviroment that says being homophobic is a choice, I wasnt that educated. I'm just wondering how to tell her my stance on it. Because God says to love, but also he doesnt support it.

Hey there! So I actually made a lot of close friends in college who were part of the LGBTQ community, and so this is very dear to my heart! I think the biggest testament of Jesus is our love. In my experience, a lot of the LGBTQ community has had such horrible experiences with Christians that they can’t bring themselves to believe that God is loving and merciful. So they distance themselves from God and Christianity because they’d rather not be hurt by the religion. 

You don’t always have to make every conversation revolve around that topic, but do be open to conversations about it. When it comes to sharing your beliefs, don’t sugar coat them. Just be straightforward about it, but also be kind and loving and merciful, just like God has been with you. You can be firm in your beliefs but kind and loving as well. The biggest thing for nonbelievers to understand is that we as believers are just as desperately in need of Jesus and His sacrifice as anyone else. And I think that one of the biggest things that drives people away is that Christians all too often pretend like we as believers are above nonbelievers because we already have Jesus and walk with Him. But that’s not telling the whole story of the Gospel and how we are all broken sinners who need Jesus more than we need air in our lungs. 

So when you’re sharing your faith, just remember to be firm, don’t back down, but also be loving. Share the Gospel and make sure it’s the whole Gospel. The Gospel is such a powerful thing, but when only parts of it are used or twisted, that’s when it can drive people away and take them further from the truth of the Gospel. One thing I had to learn was exactly what I believed about God and the Gospel and His love, and then I also had to learn how that helped me relate to the people around me. Don’t be afraid to take some time to investigate, ask God questions, and come to understand better how He wants you to witness to those around you. 

In the end, don’t back down from your faith and your beliefs. That doesn’t mean you can’t ask questions or keep searching, it just means to be firm, don’t sugar coat things, give the whole truth of the Gospel, and do all of it in love and mercy.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Happy Ending (Jungkook x You ONESHOT)

A/N: This is a request from @veggiejimin Thank you for this wonderful idea, I hope I do justice to your amazing plot <3 I posted her request at the bottom of the story so that it wont spoil the ending. but for those who wants to read it first before reading the story, you can do that.

Also, I’m sorry but I think everyone knows by now that I'm a Jungkook slut, whore, will sell my soul to him and give up my first born for him, whatever you want to call it, so whenever you give me a choice to choose a member it will always be him. If that makes me a sinner, so be it. Hahaha.

And I have been dying to write a story based on this particular line, and I think this request fits what I have in mind:

"I never promised you a happy ending, you never said you wouldn't make me cry" - Autumn Goodbye by Britney Spears

MASTERLIST

"I we do this, if we really going to be together, I cant promise you a happy ending Jungkook,"

"And I cant promise that I wont ever make you cry," his answer make her smile. Being friends before developing any romantic feelings towards the other, the two of them are too honest with each other.

"So we are really doing this?" Jungkook smile at her question. A smile so bright she felt her heart might burst just from the look of it. He take a step forward and held both of her hands in his.

"Yes. We are doing this. I love you Y/N," he leaned in and she felt his lips against hers, soft, sweet and everything more than she could have ever imagined, marking the day as the day he becomes hers and her, his.

Y/N is heads over heeks in love with one particular Jeon Jungkook, and she hopes this is her happy ending.

"Happy birthday Y/N!" Y/N smile, as she covers her face to hide her red nose, the after effect from her non stop crying. Something she does every year for the past five years on her birthday. Jimin and Taehyung look at each other before looking back at the cake which is top with fully lit candles that they were holding.

"Were you crying?" Jimin asks, brows furrowed in concern. He already knows the answer but decides to ask anyway. Y/N hastily shakes her head, trying to lie like she always does and gave them a smile. Taehyung placed the cake on her side table and went to engulfed her in a tight hug.

"There is no need to lie to us Y/N. You can cry all you want tonight. We are staying the night," he kissed her forehead and flashed her his signature smile.

"Thankyou guys. Thankyou for doing this every year for me," Y/N's voice is almost unheard as it is muffled by the two boys who are now hugging her. "Lets forget about it and just eat some cake and watch a movie yeah?"

"Okay birthday girl. Whatever you want to do," Taehyung smiles as he take the cake to the kitchen and Jimin starts to pick a movie. Y/N stood and watch the boys, a smile gracing her lips. She loves Jungkook, she loves him very very much, but every year on her birthday, she has never been more grateful to have Taehyung and Jimin in her life.

/////

"You are back!" Jungkook immediately stood up from the couch and approach his hyungs who just walked in the door. He spent the whole night, and the better part of the morning restless and guilty, waiting for his hyungs to come back from his girlfriend's apartment.

"Yeah,"

"How..how is she?" Taehyung glared at him as he asks the question.

"What do you think?" Taehyung's voice is laced with sarcasm, making Jungkook hung his head low.

"She was crying even before we got there. And she spend the whole night crying too," Jimin answered the restless maknae. "How long are you going to do this to her Kookie?"

"Yeah, if this goes on any longer, you should just let her go," Taehyung interrupt. Jungkook's head snapped at his hyung's ridiculous suggestion.

"What?! No, never! I love Y/N,"

"You sure about that? With the way you treat her, maybe you should think again," Taehyung's said, voice full of venom as he marched off into his room. Jimin gave the maknae a small smile and pat his shoulder.

"You know Tae's like that because he really cares about both you and Y/N right?" Jungkook nodded weakly. "But you really need to figure things out soon Kookie," he reminds him before walking off.

Jungkook went back to the couch and slumped himself down. Him and Y/N has been together for 5 years now. Their relationship is wonderful. Y/N is the perfect girlfriend he could have ever asks for. But every year on her birthday, he will just shut himself out from the world. He felt bad. He should have spend it with her like any loving boyfriend should do. She deserves that. She deserves every happiness in the world.

But he cant... because that exact date is the day Nari left him for good.

He would like to think that he had moved on when he met Y/N five years ago. Her smile and her laugh gives makes the butterflies in his stomach goes crazy. He always miss her when she's not around, and he enjoys being with her. He really thought he had fully moved on, that he's happy now, no longer haunted by that dreadful tragedy, but every year when the annivesary of the day Nari walk out from his door came by, he snapped.

The memory of Nari with tears on her face as she said her final goodbye, how she said she will always love him, how she said she wish the circumstances are different so that they could be together haunts him. It just happens that the tragic days falls on Y/N's birthday.

He still remember their first year together. Y/N was so happy. She has always been obssesed with birthdays. Anyone's birthday. Jungkook remembers how happy she looks when she came to his dorm, bringing a piece of cake, just to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend since they have a full day practice that day. And what did he do? He grabbed the cake from her hold and threw it on the floor, startling Y/N.

"Wh... why did you do that Kookie?"

"You are asking me?! Why the hell would you come here looking so happy for? Didnt I tell you not to disturb me today?!" He snarled. Y/N who is confused of what's happening starts to tear up.

"But... its..its my birth-"

"Please just get out. I will see you tomorrow okay?" He pushed her shoulders, shoving her towards the door and slammed it close.

Y/N spend her birthday crying the whole night that year, confused and hurt on why her boyfriend is acting that way. Jungkook went over to see her later the next day, explaning to her and apologizing for his extreme behaviour. He explains that that particular date brings a bad memory to him, something he doesnt want to remember and that the day triggers his ridiculous actions. He never meant to hurt her. He had expected Y/N to throw him out from her house and break up with him from his shitty explanation; his behavior is beyond unforgivable. But instead she smile and said she understand that he has his reason and never once pressured him to tell her in detail of what happened that would make him do the things he did. In fact, Y/N never talk about that date or her birthday with him ever again.

Its been five years since then, and every day since that day, Jimin and Taehyung will come to see her, in place of her boyfriend, making sure she's alright and not spending her birthday alone since her own boyfriend will shut himself out from the world without any explanation. Jungkook sighed. He can see the sadness in her eyes every year, he can see her longing to spend her special day with the one she loves, he can see that he is hurting her. He knows Y/N doesnt deserve such a shitty boyfriend like him, but Jungkook admits he is selfish. He is positive he loves her and he cant just let her go akrhough the memory of Nari still haunts him day and night. Jimin is right. He needs to figure things out. He just hopes Y/N will still be willing to wait for him while he tries.

Y/N never asks. She never question Jungkook. Not even once. She believed that Jungkook will open up to her when he's ready.

But its been 5 years. And Y/N finally wonders how much longer can her heart take it.

/////

"Hey..."

"Oh you are here," Y/N turned from the dishes and smile at Jungkook who just entered her apartment. He went over and give her a quick kiss, noticing how her eyes and nose are still a bit swollen. She must has spend more than a day crying. Jungkook tries to forget the thought and flashed her his biggest smile.

"Yeah. Practice was cancelled today, so I came. I wanted to see you. I miss you," he tugged her closer by her waist and stare at her beautiful face that he miss so much, making her blush. "Lets spend the whole day together today,"

Y/N nodded her agreement and that is exactly what they did. Spending the whole day watching movies, cuddling, exchanging kisses and eating a whole lot of takeout food that Jungkook is sure he needs to work extra hard tomorrow to burn it all off. The day went well until Y/N suddenly stiffened as she straighten herself from laying down on Jungkook's chest, making him confused.

"What's wrong baby?" Y/N avoided his gaze and fiddled with her hands that is on her lap, indicating that she's nervous about something.

"Kookie... we have been dating for five years now,"

"Yes. I know that," he laughs.

"And... can I ask you something?" She turns to look at him. Jungkook grab her hand to assure her that she can ask him anything.

"Of course you can baby. You dont have to be so nervous around me. Its me," he giggle as he traces unknown shapes in her palm, helping her to calm down. Y/N ease into his touch and takes a deep breath.

"I know I shouldnt ask... but its been five years... and I think this time i want to know," she paused. "Can you tell me what happened on that day that makes you hate that date so much?" The moment the question left her lips, Jungkook's face changed into anger and he immediately shrugged off her hands.

"You are right. You shouldnt ask," was his cold answer.

"But Jungkook, I just want to know-"

"No! You dont need to know anything!" He suddenly stood up, yelling, startling her. "We had a very nice day today. Why do you have to go and ruin everything by being a curious little bitch?!"

To say that Y/N was shocked by his words was an understatement. During their whole five years being together, never once Jungkook ever said those harsh words to her. Nor has he ever raised his voice to her. What happened on that day that could make him change 360 everytime she brought it up?

"You know what? If you cant just let it go, then I dont think I want to do this anymore," he starts to walk away, anger radiating off him. Y/N jumped to her feet and grab his arm before he could walk off.

"Jungkook, please. Dont go. I'm sorry,"

"I just need some time okay," he shakes his arm off fron her hold and walk to the door. He turns to look at her before exiting. "Just... just give me some space,"

Y/N colllapsed on the floor the moment Jungkook slammed the door close, the tears she tried so hard to conceal finally rolls down her cheeks. After quite some time crying her heart out she slowly crawled to the couch, picking up her phone with the last of her strength.

"Hello?"

"He..hello?"

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

"Tae... I think I'm ready to know what happened to Jungkook,"

/////

"What did he do this time?" Both Jimin and Taehyung peered into Y/N's swollen face that is sitting opposite of them in the quiet little cafe. She gave them a small tired smile.

"He didnt do anything,"

"Stop defending him. He dont deserve it," Taehyung protests as he rolled hia eyes at her answer. Typical Y/N. Always defending her undeserving boyfriend.

"Why do you love that asshole so much," Jimin sighed. "Tae is right. He really dont deserve you," Y/N laughs. Really, she is always so grateful for Jimin and Taehyung in her life. They were the only thing that could replace the hole Jungkook left inside her heart.

"Stop it guys. I know you love Kookie as much as I do," Y/N chuckles, making the two smile.

"Sadly, that is true," Jimin nodded before his face turned serious. "But Y/N... are you really ready to find out?"

Y/N fiddled with her hands again as her gaze shift between the two boys who is wearing identical serious expression. She exhale and nodded. "Yes. I think its time for me to finally know what's making Jungkook this way,"

Jimin and Taehyung look at each other before nodding, silently agreeing to her request.

"Jungkook... he hates that date so much because that's the day Nari left him," Taehyung 's soft voice pierced through Y/N's heart. She had thought about millions possibilities of what could have happened to Jungkook on that day, but a girl? They have been together for five years, how is this girl still have so much effect on him? Is he lying when he says he loves her?

"Na..Nari?"

Jimin looks at Taehyung with a worried expression, silently discussing if they should continue on with the story but Y/N reached out from across the table and hold their hands, assuring them to go on. It might hurt her, but she needs to know. She needs to make Jungkook happy again, whatever it takes.

"Nari is Jungkook's first love,"

"His true love," Taehyung added, earning a smack from Jimin who points at Y/N with his eyes, worried his friend's word might hurt her. Y/N chuckle at the two who is not at all subtle in their behaviour.

"Its fine Chim. Go on,"

"They met when they were young. Before he even debuted. Jungkook is head over heels in love, and so is she," Y/N focus herself on listening, ignoring the ache in her heart at knowing that Jungkook was once in love with someone else, most probably still is. "But you know us trainees are not allowed to have girlfriends right?" She nodded.

"They tried to hide their relationship at first, Jungkook spend what little money he have to visit and spend time with her whenever he can. But their relationship got found out eventually. Jungkook could have been kicked out but he has so much potential that the management decides they couldnt do that," Jimin stops, looking at his friend for the continuation.

"The management went behind his back to see Nari," Y/N gasps.

"That's horrible. How can they interfere with his personal life like that?" Y/N starts to sympathuze with them now. Jungkook might be the love of her life, but the thought of people trying to break him apart from this Nari girl breaks her.

"That is how valuable Jungkook is to the company. They dont want to lose him. Especially knowing that Jungkook is willing to give up on his dreams to become an idol just to be with her," Y/N dropped her gaze. Jungkook must love Nari so much if he is willing to do that much for her. For the five years they have been together, his career always comes first, and although Y/N understands that but sometimes it still hurts her feelings. But still, she never once said anything to Jungkook. Its something she always know that she will become second to when she agreed to marry him.

"So they told Nari that if she didnt leave him, then Jungkook would lose his chance to become an idol, which is his dream. And Nari, I guess loves him too much to do that to him. So she broke up with him and left him..."

"On the same date as your birthday," Jimin finishes the story.Y/N was silenced from the shocked. She would never have thought that Jungkook could love someone this much. He surely never showed this kind of love to her.

"But... you guys are allowed to date after a year of debuting. Why didnt he find her then? Or wait for her till then?"

"She went to study abroad during that time. Jungkook was devastated when she left and he had planned to wait for her return, but he met you instead," Jimin smile softly at her.

"Yeah. We thought you are the saving grace that would make him forget. He really does loves you, you know. But I dont understand why the date still triggers him. He shouldnt be like this. He already has you. Doesnt he know that he's hurting you?!" Taehyung snarled. He is always protective of Y/N. He cares for her like a little sister and he hates to see her crying because of his stupid maknae. Y/N smile at him and rub his hand, trying to sooth him down.

"I told you, its okay Tae," she lets out a little giggle. "And thankyou guys for telling me this. Now I understand him a little more. Its hard to lose someone you love," Jimin sighed at her respond.

"I just wish Kookie would take the time to understand you too. You are really too good for him Y/N," Y/N laughs and shakes her head.

"No I'm not. He deserves better than me," she whispered, which the boys didnt hear.

After the conversation she had with Taehyung and Jimin, Y/N already know what her next steps are. Her next steps to ensure Jungkook's happiness. She look at the name in her phone contacts, a number she gets from Taehyung behind Jimin's back after a long session of begging, pleading and bribing with endless ice creams and pizzas.

Song Nari

/////

"There is just one more thing I need to know. Do you still love him?" The pretty girls sitting in front of her smile shyly and nodded.

"I do. I love him so much I dont think I can ever love anybody else,"

"You promise to make Jungkook happy?"

The girl nodded her head as she smjle widely. "Of course I will. I will do anything for Kookie,"

"Then that is all I need to know," Alrhough the way she called him makes her heart tighten, Y/N smile back, although her smile this time lack sincerity and sparkles like it usually does.

/////

"Baby... are you still mad at me?" Jungkook held both of her hands tight in his, peering into her eyes, looking for a reaction. Y/N smile. Like she always does whenever they were fighting. Whenever Jungkook is being a shit to her.

"No I'm not. I was not even mad at you in the first place," she shakes her head. Its been almost two weeks since their fight and Y/N didnt contact him at all, respecting his wishes to give him some space, although she misses him so much. But at least the time apart from him gave her the space she needed to seek out Nari and finally clear out everything. She didnt mean to see Jungkook today. Taehyung invited her to their dorm saying everybody is out except for Yoongi who is not bothered to keep him company. Bored and alone, he seeks out Y/N to accompany him. She didnt think that the other boys, Jungkook of course included will be back so soon. The moment Jungkook saw his girlfriend in a questionable position while playing Twister with his hyung, he immediately dragged her into his room. To be honest, he miss her and he had wanted to reach out to her sooner but his schedule has been deadly this past weeks. So its a good thing that Taehyung invited her over. Well, a good thing minus the position he found them in, limbs tangling around each other on the Twister mat. Jungkook seeths at the memory.

That hyung really deserves some beating.

"Why are you always so nice to me baby? I dont deserve any of this," he whispered to her as he hug her tight and kiss the top of her head. Y/N return the hug, basking in the scent of him. She can feel the tears starts to prickle the corner of her eyes as she remembered what she's going to do in a moment.

"Dont say that Kookie. You know you deserve so much better than me," her voice muffled by his chest. Y/N breaks the hug and looks up to him, trying to burn every inch of his face in her memory. Jungkook was her first love, but sadly now she knows that she is not his. "Jungkook, you know I love you right?"

He smile and nodded. "And I love you too baby,"

Y/N tries to ignore the pain in her heart, now that she knows what he's saying is most probably a lie. He doesnt love her. He might think he does but its Nari that he loves.. "And you know I would do anything to make you happy right?"

"Why are asking me this? What's going on Y/N?" Jungkook's brow furrowed, confused and a little nervous at her sudden questions. She just smile at him although her heart is breaking when she remembers what she's about to do next.

"I think... I think we should break up,"

The silence following her statement felt like a thousand years before Jungkook finally say something.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think we should break up," she repeated herself. More sure this time. Jungkook ran his hand through his hair and turn to look at her.

"No. I wont allow that,"

"I dont think that's your choice Jungkook," Y/N's voice is soft, trying to hide her sadness.

"No!" He yelled, making her jumped. He walk towards her and grabbed her hands. "Why are you doing this? Is it because of our fight that day? Im sorry baby. I know I have been a shitty boyfriend but I swear I will try to change,"

"No Jungkook. Its nothing that you did," her heart breaks to hear Jungkook plead and beg. He is not the kind of man to lose his composure like that.

"Then what is it? Tell me and I will fix it. Dont do this Y/N. Lets just forget this hmm?" His grip on her become tighter as he stares into her eyes. The way he looks at her almost make her change her mind, to just be selfish and stay with him. But what's the point? Jungkook doesnt love her. If he does he wouldnt freak out every year like he did whenever that tragic date came around.

"Jungkook... I promise you that I will do anything in my power to make you happy. Do you remember that?"

"I do! Then why are you doing this? It doesnt make sense!"

"Because you are not truly happy with me. You are not in love with me," Jungkook can hear the crack and shaking in her voice. He can see this hurts her as much as it hurts him. So why is she doing this?

"Stop it Y/N. I love you. You are my girlfriend! I love and I want to be with you! Stop saying nonsense, of course I'm happy with you!"

"I wish those words were true... but I know its not," she smile sadly at him, eyes already glazed with unshed tears. "I know you love me Jungkook, but you dont love me as much as you love Nari. You wont ever love me as much as you love her," Jungkook was stunned the moment he heard Nari's name came out from her mouth. How on earth does she knows about her?

"Y/N, I-"

"Its okay. I already know everything there is to know about the two of you. And no, before you ask, I'm not angry at all Jungkook. In fact, I finally understand now why you pushed me away every year. Why my birth date ticks you off so much. Why we never eat at that restaurant downtown eventhough I like it so much, why you always turn off the radio when that one particular song came on. I already know everything Jungkook. And knowing why finally makes the pain I felt all this year seems better,"

Pain? How much did I hurt her by pushing her away because of Nari? Jungkook thought to himself. He was hellbent on making her stay. There is no way in hell he would ever let her go. He loves Y/N. But when Nari's name came up, everything goes out the window. All the memories and his feelings came back to him. Jungkook is just speechless.

"Y/N, you dont have to do this. I-"

"No. Stop. Listen," she raised a hand, stopping him. "I know why you two broke up. And I also know how much you suffered from losing her. How much you love her and miss her. She was your first love Jungkook. You never did get over her. You are willing to give up your dreams for that girl," she chuckles but it just sounded force to his ears. He tried to respond but nothing came out. Everything Y/N is saying is true. He never did get over Nari. He realized that now. The pain he felt on the day she left still feels fresh and he relives it again and again every year on that very day.

"And... I also know that she still loves you and would do anything to be with you again," Jungkook immediately looks up at that, a trace of hope and a glimmer of sparkle shows in his eyes, causing Y/N's heart to shatter a little bit more, but still, she continues to smile, blinking back the tears. For Jungkook's happiness, she knows this is the right thing to do. She just have to. "Everything has change now. The system is different now. There is nothing stopping the two of you to be together,"

"Wh... what are you talking about?" Jungkook was shocked by that statement. He would never in a million years expect Y/N to say that. He expected her to go hysteric, maybe gave him the cold shoulders for a few days or maybe cry her eyes out when she found out that he is still pining on Nari, but not this. "Y/N..." he looks into her eyes, no longer sparkle with laughter and happiness like she usually does. "How can I be with Nari? How can I do that to you?" You stepped closer to him, cupping his face in your hands.

"Jungkook... I know you. I can see it in your eyes how much you miss her. How much you still love her," Jungkook lowered his gaze, making her chuckle. "And the fact that you never deny even once that you still love Nari cemented that fact Jungkook," he kept quiet but his soft brown eyes are looking into hers now, his hand holding hers tight, which is still carressing his cheek.

"I'm sorry Y/N," his voice so small you almost missed it. "This was never my intention," You let out a small laugh and shakes your head.

"Dont be. You dont choose who your heart will fall in love with. And I know you will love whoever your heart chose with everything you habe Jungkook. You are just that kind of a person. It just happens that its not me,"

"Y/N..."

"Its okay," she hushed him again. She dont think she can bare it if Jungkook says another word. She can already see it in his reaction, in his eyes, how much he loves Nari. How excited he is to be with her again. "Its time for me to go now Jungkook. Nari is waiting for you," Jungkook takes a deep breath and kiss her palms before letting go. She walks towards the door but turns around when Jungkook calls out her name.

"How about you then Y/N? Are you going to be okay?"

"I'm not going to lie and say it doesnt hurt. It hurts. It hurts so much because I love you Jungkook. But it hurts me more knowing that you are happier with someone else and I'm the only reason that stops you from it. And that reason alone will help me to be okay. So I'm letting you go Jungkook," tears are racing down her cheeks as she said the words that hurts her the most to him.

She is letting go the only man she has ever love.

A part of her silently cried out, begging and pleading him to say that she is mistaken. For him to say and insist that Nari is his past and she is his future, proving her wrong. Proving to her that he is indeed very much in love with her, not Nari, but those words never came. Instead as she reached out for the door knob, he still didnt say the words she wanted to hear, making whatever left of Y/N's heart shattered completely.

"Thank you Y/N. For everything. I always thought you will be the one I will have a happy ending with," he chuckle softly.

"Dont you remember," she tries to cover up her shattered heart with a smile that just seems forced. "I never promise you a happy ending," She teased him, repeating the words the two of them said to each other years ago when he asks her to be his.

"And I never said that I wont make you cry..." he whispered, as she nodded with a smile between her tears.

"Be happy Jungkook. I will always love you,"

Jungkook flashed his bunny smile one last time before she turns around and walk out. Walking out from his life forever, leaving him to ran freely into the arms of the love of his life as her whole world crumbles down around her.

/////

Jungkook smile as he pulls Nari towards him, sticking his naked chest om her naked back, limbs tangling with one another under the sheets. Its been a week since his break up with Y/N and he went and see Nari on the same day. It turns out Nari, Taehyung and Jimin all knows what Y/N has already planned for him, asking the two boys to give him the details of Nari whereabouts once she left. Although his two hyungs dont really approve of what he is about to do, they still do what they were asked to, respecting Y/N last favor from them. He ran until he was out of breath to see Nari waiting for him, and without waiting for another second he capture his lips with hers.

Jungkook is finally happy.

At least he wants to believe he is.

"Good morning sweetheart,"

"Good morning Kookie," Nari leans in to kiss him.

"No kissing until after I brush my teeth!"

"Nope, sorry. Cant wait that long," he trapped her under his weight and kiss her senseless, grinning once they broke the kiss. "I love you Y/N. Forever and always,"

Jungkook shakes her head. Where did that thought come from? He is with Nari now. The love of his life. The girl he waited for, for so long. Why is he still thinking about Y/N? Nari's voice broke his thoughts.

"Lets go out for breakfast!" She grinned happily.

"I thought that I would make us some breakfast and we can cuddle in bed all day. I have a free day until after lunch today," Jungkook pouts, hoping Nari would understand. He wants to spend the day with her, getting to know her again.

"No way! I finally get back the man of my dreams," Jungkook beams at her statement. "The most sought after idol. I want to show him off to the world," Jungkook's face fell the moment she finish her sentence. Something about what she said doesnt sit right with him. Does Nari only wants him back because he is well known now?

"Urm okay then," he silently agree, wanting to pleased the girl of his dreams and he just doesnt want to dwell to much into it. As he tugs and adjust his mask while they were walking down the pathway his thoughts drifted back to Y/N again.

"Kookie, stop tugging on your mask! I already told you if you are not comfortable we should just stay in. You know I make a killer breakfast," she grins looking at her boyfriend who is trying hard to conceal his identity with his mask, shades and hoodie.

"No. We have been dating for years and I have never once taken you out for breakfast!" He pouts underneath the mask.

"You know I dont mind right? I already know what I'm getting into when I agreed to date you," Jungkook stops walking and turn to face her.

"But arent you upset? Dont you want people to know you have a boyfriend? Or who your boyfriend is?" She shakes her head.

"No. I dont need all that. If they know then they know. I dont need to tell the world about it. I'm already happy and lucky to have you loving me,"

"What did I do to deserve someone amazing like you? I love you Y/N. Forever and always," He took off his mask as he leaned in.

"Kookie your mas-"

"Shh. Just let me kiss my girlfriend,"

"Lets eat here!" Nari's shrill voice broke his thoughts as they stop in front of an expensive restaurant.

"For breakfast? Isnt this a little too much?" Jungkook wondered. He was imagining eggs and toast, at his favorite diner. Well, Y/N's favorite diner, maybe some additional pancakes and bacon if they are really hungry, not this... 5 star restaurant.

"Well, this restaurant suits your world star status! Take off your mask Kookie. No one will mobbed you here. They dont let common people in anyway," common people? What has gotten into his Nari? Since when does she categorized people like that?

"Afterall, cant you see how pretty I'm dressed right now?" She twirled around, showing him her expensive dress that she made Jungkook bought her on their very first date after they got together, before heading into the restaurant. Ah, no wonder she wore such a pretty dress so early in the morning. Jungkook had wondered about it too, when he saw her outfit and her overly applied makeup, but thought maybe she just likes dressing up. Y/N would just wear her sweatpants and put her hair in a messy bun when they went out for breakfast, and she still look damn beautiful too him.

God, stop thinking about her Jungkook!

"Kookie, can we go shopping after this?" Nari suddenly asks him in the middle of their extremely fancy breakfast. Not that he minded, he can afford to eat it everyday if that's what she wants but Jungkook prefer something more domestic and comfortable, just spending time with his girlfriend and not trying to figure out which fork is meant for which meal.

"Sure... but I have to go back after lunch. We have practice today,"

"Oh, can I come with?" Jungkook hesitates for a moment. Should he allow that? But looking at Nari with her pleading big eyes he has no other choice but to say yes.

"Of course you can sweetheart," he flashed her his signature smile, making Nari squeal.

"Yeay. Oh my god I have to tell ny friends. They would be so jealous to know that I'm hanging out with the Bangtan Boys later! Hey do you know if Taehyung is seeing anyone, because my friend..." The rest of the conversation melted in the background as Jungkook starts to drowned out her voice. He doesnt need to know how excited Nari's friends are or how hot they think his hyungs are. Is that the only thing that is important to her? Letting people know that she's with somebody famous?

Its only been a week, but Jungkook is starting to feel like he had made a big mistake.

Weeks turned into months and Nari is still the same. All she cares about is people seeing her with Jungkook, dining at expensive restaurants, shopping and following him to practice where she will take endless photos and live videos with his hyungs, making them extremely uncomfortable. Where was the Nari that he remembered from 5 years ago? That cares for him and love him for him and not his status as someone well known? The Nari that sacrifice her happiness for the sake of his dreams and career? Did he only built her up in his mind? Has Nari always been like this?

Those thoughts starts to cloud his mind as Nari make her way out from his dressing room for the live show. She has made it a habit to come with him backstage now. Of course she does. There are a lot of idols back here, something that seems to interest her more than her own boyfriend did. Jungkook sighed as a knock was heard from the now empty room, his hyungs has all left to go to the stage already and saw Seolmin, one of his idol sunbaemin from one of the most well known group.

"Hi hyung, what are you doing here?" Jungkook smiled at him. They have met each other countless times during performnaces before and has gotten closely acquainted, where Seolmin asks him to be casual with him.

"Hi Jungkook," he turned towards the hallway before turning back to the younger man. "Was that Nari? Song Nari?"

"Ermm yeah. You know her?" Jungkook looks confused. Weird. From what he knows Nari dont really mingle with idols and celebrities except for him. But the way Seolmin smirks gives him chills.

"Of course. She's my ex girlfriend," Jungkook was extremely shocked. Nari told him that she wasnt with anyone during the five years they were separated. He wouldnt mind, five years is a long time to be alone, but why is she lying? "Wait, dont tell me she's your girlfriend now?" Jungkook weakly nodded before Seolmin started laughing.

"Typical," he huffed.

"What do you mean hyung?"

"Dont get this the wrong way Kook. But Nari here has been known among us to latch onto the most upcoming idols. The most well known. She dated me, Junhyo, Minseol, Donghee..." the list goes on and on and on. An endless names that Jungkook recognized as extremely well known idols in the industry. "And now you. Well, probably because BTS is the latest hype right now,"

"That... that cant be true," Jungkook's voice came out as a whisper. Nari loves me right? We have history together. "We met even before I debuted, five years ago. We were together then?"

"And let me guess. She left you?" Jungkook nodded.

"Yeah... but that's because my management wouldnt let me date. She did it to make sure I achieved my dreams..." Jungkook weakly tried to explain, but to be honest, even he himself doesnt seem to believe what he's saying right now.

"That could be true Kook, and she might have changed and is sincerely in love with you right now, but you better find out the truth before you get hurt. You are a good kid, I dont want you to get hurt. You seems like you are really in love with her too," he ruffled Jungkook's hair before giving him a sad smile and turn around to exit the door. "And oh, five years ago was when we met and dated too. Before she cheated on me to latch onto another uprising idol,"

What Seolmin told him haunts him all day. Is Nari really like that? He tried not to believe it. His Nari is not like that. She loves him as much as he loves her. She sacrificed everything for him, didnt she? That is how much she loves him. But as he glanced towards the crowd and saw Nari talking to other random fans while pointing and waving at him, Jungkook starts to doubt. Is being with someone well known that important to her? Jungkook starts to think about their relationship for the past months. Their relationship consists of nothing but expensive dates, shopping trips, public announcements, videos with his hyungs. No intimate conversation, purely sex, no asking him how his day went or telling him about hers, no cuddling and talking all night long... Its true BTS is currently the most sought after group right now. Is that why Nari happily wanted him back when Y/N talked to her?

Y/N.

Jungkook sighed. He misses her. He thought about calling her a million times since the breakup. Just wanted to ask her to hangout and listen to her talk about her day, but he knows its not fair to her. He broke her heart, the least he can do is give her the space to get over him.

Get over him... to be honest, that idea left a bad taste in his mouth. Its selfish, he knows that but the thought that Y/N no longer loves him... it doesnt sit right with him.

His eyes flicked back toward Nari who is in the crowd. He's going to find out the truth. Today.

"Hey baby! You were great today. I told some of your fans that we are dating, and you should see how jealous they were of me!" Nari starts talking once she entered his room. Jungkook huffed and turns to her, eyeing her excited form up and down.

"What's wrong baby? Saw something you want?" She start to smirk as she walk forward to him seductively, mistaking the look Jungkook gave her as lust. Jungkook stops her at arm length, pushing her shoulders making her confused and startled.

"Jungkook?"

"You didnt break up with me because you care about me achieving my dreams, or my career didnt you?" Jungkook's voice is low and cold. He decides that he is going to give her the benefit of the doubt. He is going to give her the chance to say no.

"Wh..what?" Her voice starts to shake, eyes starts to look everywhere but into his.

"Five years ago. When we broke up when I was about to debut. Did you or did you not break up with me because you are cheating on me?" Jungkook knows he doesnt have a solid proof. If Nari denies this, then he will believe her, but the fear in her eyes and the shaking of her voice is starting to prove to him otherwise.

"I...I..." Nari cleared her throat to regain some strength. "What are you talking about?" She said confidently but its a little too late now. Jungkook smirked.

"I had a little talk with Seolmin hyung today," was all Jungkook need to say before her face contorted into pure horror at the mentioned of the name.

At her reaction, Jungkook's whole body is radiating with anger. How could she do this to him? He thinks about her every day for the past five years, but everything he thought he knew is a lie! She cheated. She actually cheated! She never really did love him did she?

"Kookie, I... I," she avoided his gaze as she failed to find the right words to say to ease his anger.

"You cheated on me.... You. Cheated. On. Me!" He yelled, making Nari jumped. "You left me because you wanted to go to someone else. Someone who is more successful than me. Someone you can gain more popularity, money and status, didnt you?" He ran his hand through his face and hair in frustration. "Me being an idol is just an excuse for you to break up with me! I love you Nari. I never stop loving you even when we were apart for five years," his voice shakes as he starts to feel the tears of anger and frustration coming out on the last sentence. "I wasted my time waiting for you. I wasted my feelings thinking about you. Pining over memories of us that is not even true! I hurt Y/N multiple times because of you!" He is screaming now, making Nari's whole body shakes in fear as he moved backwards to get away from him. "Y/N...God Y/N..." he raised his anger filled eyes to stare into hers, giving her chills right to the bones. "Did you know that never once have I celebrate her birthday with her because it falls on the same say you left me?! I shut myself out from the world every time when I remembered you. Remember what we could have been. That's how much I love you!" He swing his arms all around. "I never take her to her favorite restaurant because we had our first date there and turn off the radio when her favorite song came on because its too painful, because it reminds me of you!" Jungkook points one shaky finger towards her. "But you... you are just using me,"

Jungkook cant contained his anger any longer. The girl he worship all his life is nothing but a lie. She never love him. Not even a bit. "I... I broke up with Y/N because of you..." his shoulders shakes, trying to hold back his sadness as he remembers Y/N.

What have I done to us baby?

"Dont blame me if you are a shitty boyfriend to her. She was your girlfriend for five years. Its not my fault that she cant make you love her!" Nari tried to defend herself but badmouthing is an extremely wrong move as it only sets off Jungkook even more.

"Get out," he released a low growled.

"Kookie, please. We can start over. I-"

"Get out. There's no way in hell I would ever want to be with you again. I dont ever want to see your face or hear your name ever again. Get out now before I do something that both of us will regret," Nari blinks back in fear at his voice, and with tears starting to rolled down her cheeks she gathered her things and left the dorm, leaving an angry Jungkook alone with his thoughts in the middle of the room.

It took him a while before he comes to his senses and calm down. The moment Nari left the room he immediately fished out his phone and start replaying videos of him and Y/N that he never deleted. Their memories together is too precious for him to delete, even if he did end up with Nari. The videos helps to calm him down. Y/N's smile and laughter, her silly dance and corny jokes, he miss them all. All the selfless things she do to ensure his happiness. How he can always count on her to calm him down when he is stressed out from work, how he can always talk to her about his troubles. The passionate nights they spend together underneath her sheets. Jungkook closes his eyes. They had spend five years of good times together, why did he ever think the memory of Nari would be better suited for him? He should have fought for Y/N. He should have told her she's ridiculous. The he loves her and not Nari. He should have never neglected her, hurt her, just to chase the memory of Nari.

He quickly gets up and grab his jacket, with only one destination is mind when he came to a stop in front of Jimin's room as his two hyungs were having a deep conversation.

"Y/N called me two days ago before she left,"

Wait, Y/N? His Y/N? She left? Leave to where? Jungkook hides himself from his two hyungs, trying to hear more of the conversation.

"You didnt stop her Chim?"

"I tried Tae, but she has set up her mind. But something she said makes me feel so bad for her. I feel like killing Jungkook for hurting her like that. She has such a beautiful heart. She doesnt deserve to suffer because of that stupid boy," Jimin sighed. "If only she had chosen me to fall in love with... I would have taken care of her," Jungkook felt his heart clenched with both hurt and jealousy. He hates the fact that he hurt Y/N when all she ever do for the last five years they have been together is loving him and doing anything to make him happy. And he didnt know Jimin felt that way. That just... scares him. Y/N could not possibly fell in love with one of his hyungs right? She couldnt right? She loves him.

"What is it? What did she say?"

"I asks her if she's really okay. She let out a laugh that sounded so sad it broke my heart," Jimin trailed off. "She said she will be fine if it means Jungkook is happy now. She hates thinking that she cant make him happy like Nari does, but the look on his face when she said she's letting him go to Nari just broke her. She hates herself for feeling the way she did. For hoping that Jungkook would laugh off her suggestion and calls her carzy, for Jungkook to say Nari is his past and he doesnt love her anymore," Jimin raised his eyes to meet Taehyung's. "But those words never came. Instead you know what that stupid maknae did? He thanked her and smile. Absolutely looking forward to see Nari again. At during that exact moment is when Y/N said she decides to really let Jungkook go,"

Let him go? Please tell me you still love me Y/N. Jungkook clutched his chest The pain he is feeling is starting to be unbearable.

"She said now she understands why Jungkook is always cold with her eventhough they have been together for five years. She finally realized that Jungkook never did love her. No matter what she did, Jungkook's love is always for Nari,"

"Wow..." Taehyung sighed, eyes sad. Sad for Y/N's broken heart. "That's-"

"That's not true!" Jungkook suddenly burst into the room, interrupting the conversation, hair looking disheveled, as if he has been running his hands through it a million times, eyes glazed with unshed tears.

"Jungkook?"

"That's not true hyung. I love her. I love Y/N. She is the best thing that could have happened to me and I lost her because I realized it too late," he plopped down on the floor. Taehyung and Jimin looked at each other, not knowing what to do with the distress maknae on the floor. "I want her back hyung. Please tell me she will come back. I have lost her havent I?" He wailed making Taehyung chuckle.

"Were you earsdropping Kookie?" Jimin looks at him with disapproving eyes but Jungkook didnt care.

"You are seriously so stupid Kookie,"

"Yeah and stop crying. You look ugly when you cry. The tears doesnt fit your muscle," Jimin continue to tease the maknae. Jungkook looks up to his two laughing hyung, confused as ever. How can they laugh right now? Cant they see how broken he is?

"Oh my god," Taehyung rolled his eyes. "You look like a lost puppy. You are really whipped for Y/N arent you?"

"Its about time. Hope he stops being so stupid after this,"

"Yah idiot. Stop being so sad. Y/N only went for a long ass vacation to clear her mind. She will be back soon," A smile instantly graced Jungkook's face. He can feel a huge weight has been lifted. Y/N is coming back! She didnt leave him!

"Wipe that stupid smile of your face," Taehyung glared at him. "It still doesnt mean she will take you back you idiot. You hurt her for five years, and you happily agreed to leave her for some other girl. Even I wouldnt forgive you if I am her,"

"That's true Kook. What you did is kinda shitty," Jimin immediately agreed. "But wait, what about Nari? You cant just break things off with her,"

"I already did..."

"What?!" Two pairs of eyes turned wide at his confession. "You think love is a game? Something you can take lightly? Chase after it when you wanted it and throw away when you dont? Did you know how much Y/N suffered because of he-"

"I do!" He cut his hyung off. "I do know how much she suffered because of Nari, because of me..."Jungkook nibbled his lips as he turned his gaze downwards. His hyungs were right. Would Y/N even forgive him? "But I have realized that Nari is not the girl I have build her up to be. Every memory I had with her is a lie. Y/N... she's the one for me. She's the one who makes me happy. I miss her everyday when I'm not with her. I... I am absolutely head over heels in love with her hyung," Jungkook's confession silenced the two older boys who look at each other, dumbfounded, silently asking the other what the hell had happened between Jungkook and Nari, but they decide that would be a question for another day.

Jungkook stood up and held both their hands in his. "I will win her back hyung. She loves me. I know she does. And I will show her how much I love her. I will never miss to celebrate her birthday this time. Hell, I will celebrate it for one whole year if it means she will smile again. I will let her listen to her favorite song on repeat, take her to her favorite restaurant anytime she wants. I'm no longer haunted by the memory of Nari and I'm going to prove it to her," his eyes turns soft all of a sudden. "All I want is Y/N,"

"Well, you have about a month to think how to get her back then,"

/////

Jungkook chuckles as he watches the video on his phone. The videos of Y/N in his phone is the only saving grace he has to keep him strong for the past weeks as he waits for Y/N's returns. Jimin told him that Y/N has disconnect her phone for an absolute peace of mind, not wanting anyone to get a hold of her. That is how hard she's trying to get over Jungkook. But Jimin also lets him know when she's coming back and he's been waiting for that day for weeks now.

And that day is finally here.

Y/N is coming back today.

He watch the videos again as he leaned his head on the glass window of the van, his manager taking him and his two hyungs who are asleep on each other's shoulders at the back seat to the airport. He is going to wait for her arrival. He's going to surprise her. Jungkook realized he never once spoken to her since their breakup, but he dont need to. He will use the rest of his life in making sure that Y/N knows how much he loves her, wants her, and regret what he did for the last five years.

"Do you love me?" Jungkook hears him asks her in the video playing on his phone, the screen showing her beautiful giggling face.

"How can you ask that? Its impossible not too," she giggle before running off alongside the beach.

"Hey, wait for me. I need my kiss!" The video shakes as he ran and it ends with Y/N giving the screen a kiss, making Jungkook smile.

The next video shows Y/N's sleepy face, grumpy for being woken up too early in the morning.

"Kookie, let me sleep," she whined into the video. "Why are recording me so early in the morning?"

"Because you look beautiful. I want to keep this forever. And I'm bored. Wake up baby," he laughs in the video as Y/N tries to hide her face with the blanket.

The video starts to play the next one, where they were running around in the kitchen, flour all over Y/N's face as he heard himself laughing and the camera shakes.

"Kookie, stop! I'm trying to make you breakfast!"

"I know. But the flour looks better on your face," he giggled. "I love you Y/N," the camera shifted angle to show him leaning in to kiss her. He must have placed it on the counter.

"I love you too Jeon Jungkook. Forever and always. Dont you even dare to break my heart," she poke his nose, making flour stick to it as she laughs.

Jungkook smile, feeling tears are starting to pool at the corner of his eyes. I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry for breaking your heart baby. He misses her so much. He wants all of this again. He wants to wake up beside her again. Cooking breakfast together, cuddling all day long.

He wants Y/N back in his arms.

Jungkook arrived at the airport ealier than expected, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand, Y/N's favorite flowers. When all the other girls will usually prefer roses, his girlfriend of course have a unique taste.

His girlfriend.

Jungkook really hopes she is willing to hold that title again. He really dont know what to do if she didnt. He swears to be different now. He will make her happy. He will shower her with everything she deserves. He will love her like she has never been love before. That is if Y/N still wants to take him back. Jungkook sigh, fear creeping in his mind. What if Y/N hates him now? What if the vacation is successful and she really did get over him? He did ran back to his ex girlfriend the moment she gave the okay. He smacked his head. What an idiot.

Jungkook shudders as he remembers the last word he says to her, which is months ago.

"And I never said that I wont make you cry..."

He is really an idiot. He really is. How can that be his parting word? If Y/N ever take him back, he swear he will say it to her every single day that he wont ever let her cry ever again. Noy a single tear will grace her eyes. How can he ever say that to her? How can Y/N still accept an idiot like him in the first place?

He paced around the waiting area, anxious and excited both at the same time. Trying to ease his mind, he watches the airport TV which is currently showing some K drama. A few minutes into the show, the program was cut to make way for a breaking news.

"Breaking News: Flight XXXXX bound to Seoul which is expected to arrive today at 1800 was reported to have crash. There were no survivors reported so far. Stay with us for more updates. We wish our sincere condelences to the friends and family of the victin of this tragedy"

Jungkook felt his world spin as he drop the flowers on the ground, losing all strength and collapse on the carpeted floor.

"Hyung... that's..."

"Y/N's flight," Taehyung finishes as he too collapsed on the ground next to Jungkook.

The gasps and cries from people who are also waiting for the same flight around him seems so far away as he can only hear a blinding sound in his ears. Flight XXXXX.

Y/N. Please God no.

Plesse dont take Y/N away from me.

"It cant be her. It cant be right hyung?" Jungkook is hysterical as he turns to both Jimin and Taehyung who is holding him, tears also evident in their eyes. The two kept quiet, not knowing what to say as they too cant believe the news. "It cant be her! It cant be!" Jungkook is yelling through his tears.

"Kookie, calm down. We still dont kn-"

"It cant be her hyung," he wailed. "I need to tell her I was wrong. I need to tell her I'm sorry. I need her to know that I'm happiest when I'm with her, not with someone else. I... I need to tell her I love her. She has to hear me say I love her. She have to, she have to!" Jungkook's cries starts to get weaker as he continue to weeped and wailed on the floor. Taehyung and Jimin engulfed him in a tight hug, both crying just as much as Jungkook himself.

"You didnt get to hear me say that I will love you forever too. I never get to promise you that I wont ever make you cry again. You boarded that plane because you need to get away from me. Me! Your stupid idiotic boyfriend! I'm.. I'm sorry baby. I'm so so sorry baby. I guess you meant what you said... we were not meant for a happy ending. Goodbye my love, goodbye Y/N," Jungkook's voice is muffled by Taehyung's shoulders as he hold them tight, making the other two cry louder at what the maknae is saying.

Memories of their last encounter starts to flood his mind. The way the tears stream down her face as she flashed him one last smile. Jungkook felt his heart break, shattered, ruined to tiny pieces with regret as his last words to her keeps replaying in his mind.

"I never promise you a happy ending, remember?"

"And I never said that I wont make you cry..." he whispered.

"Be happy Jungkook. I will always love you,"

A/N: Andddddd, for those who dont like sad endings, I did say in the announcement that there were no survivors so far. Do you think Y/N survived? Or could she have changed her flight and not boarded the said flight at all? I will leave it to you to decide 😘 Tell me what you think!