#no contact from them all week | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thepictoblr · 6 months ago

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You know whats great about having 2 adult brothers who are capable of doing housework when you're unwell? They wont do it

#i have no idea if my parents are home today or what #no contact from them all week #theyre always fuckering off to some little trip anyway #and its like. im unwell rn #can my brothers do. some housework? no? can they stop expecting me to tidy up after them??#if i can my parents and go 'hey. Can you PLEASE tell the boys to get a move on'#they'll have a go at me for not being well enough to do the housework in the first place #i get all this hostility towards me is because they dont want me living with them anymore #and every time they see me they want to tell me how everything thats wrong with me is my fault #but its like okay cool but can you please teach your TWO. ADULT. SONS. HOW TO DO BASIC? HOUSEWORK??????????????

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aquateenpatrolsomethingshowshow · 11 months ago

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THEY SAID IT THEY FUCKING SAID THE THING

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hawkstincan · 6 months ago

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my rewatch got to season 8

#house md #screenshot #THERE WAS NO WAY I'M NOT POSTING AT LEAST ONE OKAY #my obsession never went away #and knowing me it never will #wentworth miller #and shit i just realized #are there coldflash fics with len under the sleeping beauty curse?...#i know there are with barry #and now i look at this screenshot and can't help thinking about 'hit by the sleeping curse' len #and rogues all go in what the fuck do we do now mode because len is their collective brain cell #most of the time #when it's not about the flash #anyway the brain cell #they need their brain cell #after a week they'll send lisa to team flash #and no one except for mick is suicidal enough to try the kissing thing #lisa tried too #to check if sibling's love will work #it didn't #to team flash it was #and honestly all the rogues were sure (and not very silent about it) that the flash should just kiss the boss #and release all of them from their misery #they had time to make their peace with the concept #they had working eyes and ears okay #team flash was in the same boat #as it appeared #or they were pissed and against it and tried to stop barry from helping #or lisa went to ask for 'len's cute csi friend's contact because she was sure len had hots for the guy #cisco and the flash almost choked on air for very different reasons

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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wizardnuke · 2 months ago

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does anyone know if we have to roll that rock up the hill again tomorrow

#so to recap what we all know if we're following the Angela is Sickly series #i can't eat tree nuts. i can't eat trail mix that has come in contact with tree nuts. i am uneasy about eating anything that has been in a #facility with tree nuts because i have had allergic reactions just as severe from cross-contamination as i have had from straight up #eating walnuts. the one exception to this rule is pistachios because i have yet to have an issue with them #i don't eat pecans anymore because i had a reaction. almonds are on thin ice i don't really eat them #also. also i dislike nuts. it's not a hard rule but i don't like them at all. i am not a picky eater they just happen to be one of the #foods i dislike they're a bad texture and they taste like wood. except for the beautiful pistachio #and then we have the alpha gal allergy so. it's not Nearly as severe in terms of life-threatening anaphylaptic response but #the trade-off is a week-long world ending stomachache. which is extremely not fun and also could at any point randomly turn into #a more severe allergy so i. sort of don't fuck with it. there are exceptions that i regret every time because ouch. no red meat.#similarly. we respond not too great to dairy. can't have a lot. can't be fixed by lactaid pills or anything because it's not lactose #intolerance it's an allergy. so. no tree nuts except pistachios. no red meat. light dairy. i am twenty pounds underweight.#my doctor told me to keep red meat in my diet if i couldn't maintain my weight and uh. Bad News i can't maintain weight but also it's a #massive trigger so what the fuck do i do here. to be allergic to some of the most caloric and fatty foods out there #tried to start up boosts and i will continue doing so but im getting stomachaches from them too. like the fuck do u do #im eating eggs and avocado and olive oil and peanut butter etc and im still losing weight. i don't ever have an appetite #gets to a point where im like Well we might end up in a fucking hospital because i keep losing weight and idk why #tests aren't showing anything other than alpha gal and minor inflammation we don't have a reason for #tomorrow i will fucking have egg and avocado and olive oil and butter and a boost and an antispasmodic and water and #i will get a stomachache again and be tired again. Onward!#i would feel so much better if i could gain weight and i can't. what do. im so tired all the time <3 15.8bmi <3

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saucerfulofsins · 5 months ago

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#my parents are here and like #i surpassed my contact quotient with them about 3 weeks ago but this week has been way too much #and right now im seconds away from screaming at them #and they keep making things worse and im so tired and done and mostly so so so angry i wanna crawl out of my skin #and all that is shit by itself but we have a potential roommate comjng over tonight so i have to act nice and calm #i just dont have the energy anymkre #im sucked dry #like a brittle skeleton #also i still have to pick up my meds #and ill hopefully have an hr to decompress before dinner #but no time between dinner and the meetjng snd basically i just wanna cry #and smoke and get drunk

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year ago

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#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

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wrenhavenriver · 11 months ago

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hi!! i was wondering how bunnycat is doing? :D

i think he's glad to be home! unfortunately his saliva/sweat/etc is still radioactive enough that we can't really cuddle him or let him free roam around the house for another 10ish days 😭 but we got him a bigass catio style enclosure with lots of perches and room for all his necessities/toys and set it up inside by the glass patio doors so he can watch birds all day and eek indignantly at us every time we walk in the room 🙃

#we can have physical contact with him for 10 minutes a day for the first week and then up to 20 minutes a day for the second #and then after those 14 days (counting from the initial injection date) we can return him to normal bunnycat life #we also have to keep all of his poop/litter in a sealed bucket for 90 days before the radiation levels decrease enough to throw out #otherwise you can get a huge fine from state waste management services apparently?#thankfully the place that did his procedure said we can bring it to them after these next 10 days and they'll take care of it #it's all kind of a logistical pain in the ass and not very ocd friendly but it's worth it to have a healthy happy bunnycat #his thyroid was just not responding to meds/the special thyroid sparing food so this was kind of the last resort #thank you for inquiring about the bunnylad! he appreciates you checking in #fashionablyfyrdraaca #asks

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syncopatedid · 1 year ago

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That feeling that you can't even write fan fiction for Link Click until the finale of the 10th season because canon will threaten to unravel every headcanon you wrote by the next episode.

#Link Click #Listen fam #how LG and CXS got around to a) finding out about each other's powers the first time and b) deciding hand contact is the way to go #Did they discover hand contact actually made a difference than CXS just clapping his own hands and how #Heck did CXS even *know* he COULD time travel until LG came into the picture #These thoughts have plagued me since S1 E1 #I have theories about episode 9 but I am le tired of them retconning the plot every other business week lol #Of course Lu Guang Knows Everything(tm) I think that is the only real unverified theory that we can say for certain will not be retconned #A reminder that they STILL haven't conclusively told us if all people in that world are aware that there are some among them with powers #Or is it something that only the police know of and keep under wraps from the general public #It sure feels like it's meant to be hidden and yet it feels like nobody's ever surprised when someone else with powers just toddles by #This world building is kinda all over the place #I suppose fanfics still work if one is just writing a scenario rather than a story that may build on the questions still unanswered

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neverendingford · 9 months ago

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#every time a character does the whole “talk softly and reassure the dangerous person” thing while also walking ominously towards them ughh #it drives me absolutely nuts. like. you're trying to talk them down from paranoia while you're threateningly walking towards them?#someone does that to me and I'm shooting them at least in the leg or stabbing with whatever makeshift spear I've manufactured #anyway. criminal minds is getting real annoying with the whole pathologizing of people.#like. guy shows signs of being very good at torturing people and they go “ah yes.. a pure sadist” or whatever the fuck #I get that it's shitty crime drama stuff but still. ugh.#I just. I fucking hate when people take the obviously wrong route when talking to mentally destabilized people.#like. people are shit at talking to suicidal people. are shit at talking down irrational fears. people are shit at talking down paranoia.#I hate how people don't fucking know how to interact with freaks I hate how people don't know how to interact with me #everyone acts on their own level without understanding what it's like in any way #and so everyone just projects their own reality onto you without performing any sort of empathy or exercising any sort of understanding #and I want to scream so fucking loud #you're all living in a cotton candy world and your words disintegrate in my humidity #and it's so fucking lonely #and my mind has been clear this past week. the autistic need for pressure satisfied by this prescription pushing on my brain #and I can feel the cogs turning. the wheels and pins and linked gear trains and drive shafts and traction band motors.#all the parts of my brain churning around and I can't get close because the heat from my motor makes my hood hot to the touch.#I burn your hand as you try and press your palm against my flanks.#only think saddle and tack make contact. strict guidelines and harsh rules to govern me.#when I am free I buck and I shift gait and I drag you under too-low branches #also. compared to Hannibal I can basically listen to criminal minds as a podcast. none of the visuals really contribute anything to the show #like. feels very shallow

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gaytoddhoward · 5 months ago

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i kind of need to be like skinned or put into a meat grinder or something . lol .

#personal #vent #vent in tags #maybe i can just boil myself alive instead #im so SICK of being the one to be actively concerned with all my friends' health & having to tell them to take care of themselves #'yeah i threw up from a hangover on the way here and i havent eaten in like 3 days and i dont do anything other than work and sleep'#ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME #'i only shower once a week' we can tell 'and i dont ever use shampoo. and im still surviving off a diet of just top ramen and dr pepper'#MY BROTHER IN CHRIST. TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF #'i havent made a doctors appointment for this possibly life threatening issue yet' im actually going to start sobbing .#IM NOT. MAD AT ANY OF MY FRIENDS TO BE CLEAR #but god its so fucking tiring. to be one of maybe two people to actually go 'hey that is really concerning please take care of yourself'#and then i cant fucking. take care of myself & i dont have the energy to think about my friends health anymore and i feel bad about it #i am NOT the pinnacle of health. but got damb !! if ur gonna not take care of yourself please do not tell me about it i get so so worried #& then my mother . god. waves vaguely at any interaction i have with her. doesnt make it any better #im so sick i need out of this house & out of this town get me outta here ! id thrive in pokemon put me in the pokeverse or some shit PLEASE #if ur the one person who i mentioned in tags thats also on tumblr pls pls know i am not mad at you im just so stressed always #& i care for u so deeply & it worries me so bad that u/ur family havent made more progress towards getting the issue solved .#(u probably won't see this post anyways but if u do. i just want it to be clear)#ANYWAYS it just crazy how i can bounce so rapidly from 'im not even human' to 'i am Too human'. and iam so so sick .of it.#if a single customer even makes eye contact with me at work tomorrow im going to gnaw my left pinky off in front of them i stg

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago

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#OUghh... I've been really sick the past few days like not able to keep food down and had to go to the hospital #to get iv fluids and etc. to stay hydrated lol...#perhaps some sort of stomach virus or something. but still very grrrr for it to happen in the middle of the evil summer of #course #when everything is hot and uncomfortable anyway.. I really wanted to get a sims video and costume pictures finished this week and keep #up writing like 1000 ish words a day for my game. but.. alas... the universe was like... I Think Not #I at least have been able to have some tea and juice and applesauce and like 4 saltine crackers today so #I always think it's funny when you're ill what sort of little things count as successes #like on any normal day eating a few crackers would just be something you don't even give a second thought #to . But when you're really sick it's like .. WOW.. I ate TWO crackers.. amazing.. huzzah... I should get an award certainly #call the press and alert them. I should be in the newspaper headlines for this harrowing feat. etc. lol #I still feel very shaky and weak though.. but am like... hhhhh... when can I work on my projects again...#Also I literaly never leave the house or have contact with anyone so maybe it's not a virus and was more food poisioning or something #since I'm not sure where I'd get a virus even but... regardless... stinky #just complaining since I suppose that is what personal blogs are for lol. I'm a private person in the sense of wanting to proect my identi #ty and like.. I dont want an alexa in my house listening to me all the time and I dont tag my real location on social media or share photos #that could reveal the front of my house or etc. etc. But in all other senses I really don't beleive in holding stuff in. Because it will #just fester. especially when it has to do with other people (like relationship issues or something) but even when its just stuff that only #has to do with you. If something annoys me then I shall let it be openly known. if I'm bothered it will be clear. etc.#Which I guess makes me seem like a Hater And Complainer but I guess I just feel like its better over all to explain and express openly #than to just silently stew and hold everything in and then probably feel worse for it later or something.#Expressing annoyance is kind of like casting the concept off from yourself and releasing it into the wild so that you're not harboring it #anymore. all grievances must be aired eventually. etc. this is a Pro complaining zone lol #If you feel like shit dont hide it. just go 'man I feel like shit'. etc. etc. Cast it off into the universe. be free #ANYWAY... aughhh......... the wizard has fallen ill in his stinky little tower.. pacing the stone floors in tattered robes. hair disheveled #. carefully sipping a single cup of tea over the course of an hour lest drinking too fast upset his fragile stomachs againe..

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void-tiger · 3 months ago

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Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.

…why am I like this. Why are we like this.

#tiger’s roar #…but like. good god. someone being Actually Genuinely KIND and insisting they DO like my company and want my friendship #(and is arguably mutually attracted and THOSE feelings of mine and what I’m picking up from them just won’t DISPELL already)#just. really stirs the muck. gets at that emotional constipation in my brain’s grease trap #then having TWICE now having Activities Suggested and THIS Time in FRONT of people then like…never following through?#all but thinking aloud with planning to witnesses things that sound less like hanging out and more like a date #and then just…not doing it?#when the Reality is Apparently Too Busy?#us fighting earlier this year over quality time essentially #when all I want is to have like. maybe an hour or two once a week or once a month #to enjoy someone else’s company. get a fucking REPRIEVE from my life #that’s…that’s it? nothing grand. just have the time found where it can be without causing strain?#I’m actually NOT a romantic even when I have romantic feelings? they just make me yearn for basic contact all the more #I’ll always be ‘too platonic’ within a romantic relationship so no it’s never going to be an ‘expectation’#MAYBE the one with unrealistic expectations is the guy who watches romance films and struggles with AllorNothing thinking perhaps?#and…yeah. trying to not feel resentful of their time spent this summer with existing friends when apparently not working 20+ hrs a week #in addition to their own research and god knows what else #…because it feels like there’s no space for me. and probably never will be. and I have never been ‘cool’ a day in my life #sure I own it as an adult. especially a 30s adult.#but having people recognize me as kind and supportive and easy to talk to 1:1 (my group aqauaintance/casual friendships SUCK)#but. basically never getting to keep any of them as friends? quickly ditched? treated like a used bandaid?#it…gets to me alright? like I only exist as Catch/Treat/Release but for people #which sure. the friend I’m angry at HAS been frustrated about me deserving better. looks at me like I’m christmas.#and I’m now fairly close friends with their beloved sibling. and despite things having THE Worst Start Ever their family seems to trust me #…but…it’s just…think I deserve better? think I’m worthy of your esteem and respect? think I’m kind and approachable?#want me to feel safe and relaxed enough to be myself? then just…do better.#ask when I’m available to kill a few hours then…follow through on that. that’s it.#not all the time. and my ‘expectation’ is to always be either neglected or used and feeling jaded about it #just…a repreive. for both of us. that’s it.

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theophagie · 4 months ago

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I'm not good at this staying away from social media on purpose thing. Anyway cringe diary time but whenever I'm with my friends and the partners topic comes up I'm left 🧍‍♂️ because oftentimes they lament things that honestly sound good to me... and then I reflect on what kind of relationship I would be comfortable in in general and go "mhhh yeah let's just be sympathetic and say nothing else right"

#''we see each other so little :('' ''how little'' ''like twice a week :(('' ''ah. that's. rough.''#<- *thinks that meeting once a week/every other week with little to no contact through any other means would be an ideal deal*#idk man i just work here!!! and it's not a matter of commitment issues because i Would be committed to that and blah blah blah. just.#i don't think i'm able to put out what's generally expected in these things. emotionally and feeling-ly. big doubt.#and i'd haaate to have someone constantly all up in my business and be needy and expect things from me and shit #and even if the chance came around and someone was like ''yeah absolutely i'd be fine with that''#i'd be Terrified of them eventually expecting more anyway... *cat hiss*#idk. tldr. committed not romantic romantic but something maybe idk relationship is where it's at for me #but i'm afraid that outside of specific spaces the general public ain't ready to hear about those. and even then. Well.#(--_--)#mytext #i am not above fantasising about being someone's emotionally unavailable boygirlfriend #and ruining their life for a little while because they like me too much for their own good though i'm afraid. kek #i mean. i won't say already been there done that because. COMPLETELY different circumstances there not similar to this in the least. But #Anyway! BYE again see you on sunday for real this time for the la. for the last. for the last b//nha chapter....... uuuoogghhhh............

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hella1975 · 1 year ago

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i have such a reputation that four separate people incorporated pringles into my birthday gifts. be that girl

#to the point my one mate today (the one i almost ditched in that seminar LMAO) ((WAIT I NEED TO TELL YOUSE ABOUT HIM))#anyway! he was like 'oh i actually got you something!' which given our dynamic despite RECENT DEVELOPMENTS AHEM #is so unusual like he was NOT required to get me a gift. but then i immediately was like 'it's pringles isn't it'#and he was just like 'sigh. yeah' LMFAOOOOO #and you know what? chuffed to utter bits. ive already eaten half of them in 24 hours. scranning even more as i type this #anyway back to that guy. so you know i sometimes mention my flatmate from first year who also happens to be on my course #so off the bat we've got a weird friendship bc he's not just a coursemate bc i also lived with him #but also first year halls were assigned not chosen so it's not like we were actually FRIENDS #especially bc my flat did NOTTT get on lmfao so me and him were mainly just. acquaintances who lived and studied together?#very strange foundation to have with someone. but we went all of second year barely staying in contact #and then this year we live in the same area and for the LIFE of me i cant remember how we got back in contact #but all of a sudden we were messaging every day and meeting up before lectures and sitting together in them and stuyding together etc #and we get on REALLY well like he has my exact sense of humour i know ive posted about him several times #over the past three years being like 'me and this guy are the funniest people i know' 'he would do bits on tumblr' etc #AND THE OTHER WEEK HE ADMITTED THAT HE LIKES ME AND WE WENT ON A DATE #AND IT WENT REALLY WELL BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM #SO IM TRYING NOT TO PUT PRESSURE ON ANYTHING and i was super clear w him also that im not actively searching for anything #so if smthn happens organically then it happens but if not it's my final year and that will always take priority and he was super chill #so i dont feel like i HAVE to make a decision just yet but we're going out again tomorrow #and it's like. even if it doesnt become smthn romantic i just really click with him?? like we get on so well??? IT'S SO FUN #AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! WOOHOO! pringles post derailed by a MAN. awful #hella goes to uni

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showyoumyfavoriteobsession · 4 months ago

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Roughly once every four years I ponder the alternate timeline where I didn't get scared and quit college rugby after a single practice

#everyone was cool i was just intimidated coming from softball and karate into a full-contact team sport #after one practice i was like 'this is not for me' and didn't go back #and i do feel this way during most olympics. but especially after watching a bunch of women's rugby yesterday and today lol #maybe this'll be the year i finally get buff. im realizing that i really need to get regular exercise so im looking for stuff to do #I've enjoyed softball a lot this year and last but it's only in the spring/summer (our season just ended)#i wasn't really able to play last fall bc my work schedule gets crazy in sep/oct and i work some weekends #gyms are so fucking expensive and i really prefer having a structured activity to just free workout time #i've tried a couple of apps (just started using a new one that seems promising) but i can never stick to them as well as a team or class #i gotta figure out what sports run in the winter and where the chiller recreational teams are #i do feel like i lucked out with my softball league. it's not so casual that it's a boozefest but not so competitive that it becomes unfun #some of my softball teammates have talked about doing basketball together and like.#im a good sport im willing to try most things despite being fat and slow but i am Extremely not built for basketball lmao #idk idk. i just turned 30 last week and have started having trouble sleeping in the last few months #regular moderate exercise will not solve all my problems but it will probably help #j rambles

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