#no clue what woke me up
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Well I've been awake since 2:00am
And out of bed since 3:45
It's now close to 5:00
Today is sure gonna be Something
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Okay but the house ghost was totally fucking with me last night.
#i got jolted awake at 5am by RĆøst bodyslamming me while scrambling to get to his feet#as if he'd heard a noise#thing is i woke up very abruptly like a microsecond before him so i was awake for all of it#no clue what woke me up#or scared him. house was silent#and then i got woken up a few hours later from a noise i thought happened in my dream#it sounded like someone was stepping on/squeezing this plastic storage bag in my room#but when i woke up i could still hear the plastic settling#i'm super fucking doubtful of ghosts#and i'm sure this all has logical explanations#but this is still the spookiest (nightmare free) night i've had in years
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22 giugno 2024
I dreamt of being in a small rural village and at some point the rumor of an abbandonate house full of random stuff but as well as coins is spread. I go and the place feels strangely familiar, i do roomage around, but instead of coins i find two sheets of stickers (i have been wanting stikers for a while) but then i start walking towards the actual house. Is yellow and small the type of house I'm familiar with by growing up in rural areas. I go in and is full of people rummaging through stuff. The house feels familiar and i feel they shouldn't be there. I get on a desk and i yell "DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?" and they look at me confused "Is this because of the Smarciassa (An ogress idk how i know that)? But she left so long ago?"
And i yel back "This is more than an ogress house."
"A witch house?"
"More powerful." i say and they all look very scared suddenly.
And then i don't know why but suddenly i scream a name. Or more like, I'm calling him there. As if i know for sure he will answer. "APOLLO!!!!"
AND SUDDENLY THE ROOM BUST WITH LIGHT
Immediately after I'm walking down the village again, away from the house, and everyone is there astonished or cheering and clapping, but not at me, someone behind me. And i see this very Australian guy in a bandana, shorts and a hoodie, dancing around (a bit goofy) basking in the cheering, he surpasses me. I don't know why but is as if i expect him to see me. That doesn't happen. He passes me and takes off his hoodie and bandana, under he has a red tank top and he joins some nymphs (women and male) to have fun with.
In that moment i feel like i have to go but i smile and say "Bye Apollo!" and i don't expect him to notice me, but he does and he stares at me shocked, like if i was the last person he ever experienced to meet there, his eye are so blue and his hair so blonde and he has the slightest blonde stubble. And then i see a group of children with clear mischievous intentions getting too close so i shoo them but the nymphs start playfully chasing them, and i feel like i need to move away, the story is supposed to be over and i shouldn't be there anymore. But i suddenly bump against a chest, and i feel arms wrapping around me and lips kiss the top of my head and i know he is crying before i can see his face and he says "Please come back." and i look up and Apollo is looking down at me crying . "Please be part of my world again."
And i woke up with this intense emotions in my chest, first happiness, then calm, then just as if i have met a very dear long lost friend after so long and i start crying, like not tearing up, i mean full on sobbing. It wasn't romantic, it was just a reunion.
I never worshipped Apollo, but i remember this exact man showing up in my dreams before when i was like, in high school, i don't remember what the dreams were about but i remember this guy would show up and just hang out in my dreams, i didn't know who he was or why he was there but he just showed up and hanged out.
#Dreams#personal#Apollo#Did Apollo actually showed up in my dreams?#What does this mean?#Should i make an offering?#hellenic pagan#hellenic worship#hellenism#I don't want to clame that a god just showed up in my dreams to give me affection#But i never had a dream like this before and i never woke up from a dream crying unless it was a nightmare#I feel like i miss him already#Any suggestions?#apollo deity#apollo devotee#apollo devotion#If any Apollo devotee could clue me in i would appreciate it#Sos#witches#witches of tumblr#apollo#hellenic witch#Hellenic witchcraft
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if a random person on here messaged me telling me they're jeff satur, i'd just believe them. i'm that convinced of the fact that he has a tumblr
#why would he tell me?? no clue either#sleepy brain no think about that#also watch me get a rando in my dms telling me exactly this#and i literally would believe them#me: heh i would never get scammed by those emails where a person pretends to be someone they're not#also me: this entire post#help#and hii alex i know i said i'm going to sleep and i swear i was. i was literally asleep and then this thought woke me up#so obviously i have to put it on tumblr#because what else would i do#goodnight š#tea's ramblings#jeff satur#me and my conspiracy theories#sigh
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just drank half a bottle of lemonade mmmmmmmmmm
#i went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up early and now i have like no clue what to do with myself#theres so many things i couldd be doing that its stressjng me out just thinking about it so now#i dont nnow
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those praying on my downfall youāre winning šš
#mandatory timely pathetic tumblr oversharing post#i have been in so much pain since yesterday morning and itās only getting worse#i only managed to get a couple hours of sleep#before it woke me up again. i am so exhausted#i can barely move HELP#andddd we have no clue whatās causing it#nor the money to go to the er š#man i knew my health was going to shit but i didnāt think it would be THIS fast#iām probably just being dramatic but in the event something seriously goes wrong i love you all#take care of yourselves#youāve all done more for me than you know#i will try to get out the indirects today if possible šš#just in case#okay bye
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š“
#just woke up from idk how long#4/5 hours???#nervous this is what itās going to be like every day after my class#I didnāt eat anything all day#now itās almost 8pm#and I should probably eat something#but nooooo clue what#nothing sounds good#and I have to go out for something#and thatās just more money#dreaming of the day when I meet someone who genuinely loves to cook and wants to cook for me#Iām so sick of food and cooking and all of it#shut up rosie
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Just woke up with my heart pounding because my brain decided it needed to do an active shooter drill while I was asleep. :-/
#tw: guns#jesus fuck what was that#no earthly clue what brought that on#i literally woke up saying āplease don't hurt meā out loud
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this Tylenol aināt shit w
#talkingcore#emotions. man.#thereās so much music that I just havenāt listened to in a bit and itās making me feel things itās not even like sad things Iām like damn#how long has it been since Iāve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I donāt feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of donāt talk (put your head on my shoulders)#Iām pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh Iām never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they donāt try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they arenāt him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but Iāve no clue over what. girl just tell me what Iām supposed to be sad over Iāll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe thatās it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and theyād be like oh this is so āinsert nameā!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am Iām like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. sheās butch. Iām blessed. they werenāt lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#Iām gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you donāt get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfgš„š„š„š„this must be super long god damn sorry
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Uh-oh. This is bad
#For some reason I always end up predicting my life events through the fiction I write or read with scary accuracy#especially if everything Iām writing/consuming āfeels rightā and like Iām being pulled into it#I was just pulled into The Metamorphosis and woke up in the middle of the night to finish reading it#I think I know who that book applies to#And now this bookā¦ hm#Donāt like that#unreality#magical thinking#tagging as that just in case but itās happened before multiple times#Theyāre not necessarily actual premonitions; theyāre me subconsciously piecing together a puzzle of clues#that all lead to me figuring out the most likely series of events to follow#Maybe Iāve heard in-depth information about these books before; but only remember it in the back of my mind#so that the front of my mind cannot recall; and have only been guided by what Iāve heard whispered back there#a subconscious switch gets thrown at the critical point and Iām drawn to it#I knew what happened and what was going to happen in 2018 back in 2017 from my sketchbooks and story outlines#I read Crime and Punishment and like clockwork events very similar to what had happened in the book started happening to me#It worked backwards for awhile from 2019ā2021 after I got caught#Every time I happened to glance at a clock; there was either a 4 or a 20 or a 24 on the display. Always. No exceptions.#This went on for months. Those numbers were part of a spell I wrote and recited over and over again; I wonāt say the words#because Iām not sure if itās so much a spell as it is a curse ā it is a self-deprecating spell#I only started seeing this number pattern AFTER I had been caught as an apostate; not before#before Iād look at the clock and it would say 5:33 or 9:15 or 12:45; after it was 4:04 or 2:24 or 12:20 ON THE DOT#Call me crazy but if every time you looked at a clock for MONTHS it always read a specific set of numbers youād go a little nutty too#THEN in 2021 I read 1984 and it described my life up until that point PERFECTLY (WITH the number 4 plastered all over it)#Something happened back then and itās still fucking happening because I was caught at the end of 2019#Just a little over four years away from the year 2024 and I was driven to set my exit date at 4/24/2024 before reading 1984#1984 is set in April 4 1984; April 4 is 20 days away from 4/24ā¦ SEE WHAT I MEAN?! Iām a raving lunatic but Iām right
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been having some creepy stuff happen lately and who knows if it's paranormal or PTSD related ĀÆā \ā _ā (ā ćā )ā _ā /ā ĀÆ
#while i was showering a few weeks back i glanced up and saw someones head peeking over the curtain like 7ft up#no face just hair. long and tawny#that night when we laid down to sleep we said our goodnights and a moment later i heard from the head of the bed#'i love you.'#but it sounded way yoo feminine and young yo be my husband so i asked what he just said and he was like ??? literally nothing#he didnt hear it at all even though it was perfectly audible to me#a few nights ago i woke up paralyzed by the absolute self assured KNOWLEDGE that a girl was standing in our bathroom doorway#except her feet were on the ceiling instead of the floor#i was 100% too scared to look bc out of a dead sleep i was so so so sure#i pushed my face into my husbands back and staid there bc i was ckncinced if i rolled back her hair would tickle my face#which yeah ok ive gotten paranoid delusions and hallucinations before bc my ptsd is. severe lol#but not like this really#this morning my dream was interrupted much how it is when an alarm starts going off and you hear it in your dream#its dismebodied and you can consciously recognize it was real life without necessarily realizing youre dreaming#i had that except whispering? moving around our bedroom coming towards me#and the more i focused on it the more i could hear the cricket ambience i was playing irl while we slept#and i had the thought thats weird. whos walking around my room whispering?#til it happened pressed right up against my ear and i JUMPED out of my skin instantly wide awake in bed#i have no clue if its real!!!! but man. what the fuck lol
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hello i accidentally slept in until 2 pm and am somehow both incredibly excited to write fic and rewatch new eps while also being the most fragile already repaired many times with visible cracks in it teacup abt some of the irl things i mentioned in my last posts tags
What are the chances i get anything useful done today lmao
#text post#the excitement abt the show is fine i can work around that and like. get up and do some laundry and write in between that#the irl stuff...idk. i feel like i just gotta stop thinking abt it#no fkn clue why my brain has dredged up what it has but like. i need to stop having it be right up front in my brain rn lmao#the pirates help distract me some but like ive been sitting here doing my just woke up dash scroll#and occasionally my jaw clenches or i start shaking a bit without meaning to and it's hard to stop and it's just like#body brain can we focus on the good fun things like pirates and just...idk handle the resurfacing trauma later????#preferably some months down the line when i can hopefully afford to find a therapist again but I'll take what i can get lol
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hm. i donāt like that.
#i donāt even know what to do. holy shit.#should i call the cops? what the fuck? i donāt even know where to begin#is that my roommate? or is it someone they have over?#literally screeching get off of me! over and over again#slamming doors and stuff. it woke me up#i genuinely have no clue what to do
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iām so fucking normal right now
#every time i front for extended periods and i have time to think...... It Gets WEird!#i'm so different from all the other frequent fronters and i think about why that is#like why do i exist really?#what kind of neurosis could i possibly embody?#thinking back to when i formed all i think of is pseudomemories#it's a very... weirdly neat transition from pseudomemory to real memory#it just literally was like i died and woke up in a totally different life#so i have no clue what events actually led to me being formed#well... i say that but really it definitely had something to do with our mom#i think we really needed to become a murderguy/meangirl hybrid to deal with her#but still i always just wish i Knew what exactly made me split#maybe then i'd be able to process... whatever the fuck makes me the way i am#shkjsvhfjkhfks#fae.exe
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bad day for girls that have arachnophobia and a fucked up car.
#memorie.txt#screaming at the car ppl very loudly in my mind. they KNOW itās fucked but they canāt figure out whatās wrong#and decided to give up on it šš#only good thing is that they wonāt charge me for it. iām getting annoyed ā¦#oh and also i woke up w a spider on my pillow š i swatted at it and it skittered away. no clue WHERE it went :|
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British people will say shit like "well this really gif gafs my splunchle" and act like you're the weird one for not know what in the actual fuck they're talking about.
#bonus points for them saying that EVERYONE knows or should know what they're talking about as if it's not a britain only thing#and extra bonus points if even other british people have no fucking clue what they're talking about#also even more bonus points if it includes a term for something only british people use while talking to someone very much NOT from britain#lmao#this fucking came to me at 5:50 while about to sleep but violently woke me up to complain about it on funny blue website
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