#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me
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this Tylenol ain’t shit w
#talkingcore#emotions. man.#there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn#how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders)#I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry
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My RPG Characters
Alright - so here are the characters I have in any ongoing games (note - none of the games I am in or run are by the book D&D. They have a lot of homebrew stories, settings and gameplay)
I tried to keep things short and sweet, and then started to fail a little bit, so I’ll have the characters below the cut. It’s not SUPER long, but definitely longer than I had intended :/
I probably won’t ever remove characters, even if their games end, just so that if they are brought up there is a standing reference of who they are. I’ll keep it alphabetical though, and add new characters as they are made.
Alexis
Background: A human character from a Dark Fantasy Homebrew campaign. Alexis woke up on the table of some being calling himself The Sculptor, and was told he had died at some point, and that his soul had been pulled from the beyond and put into a carved stone body. He was being asked to fight back strange horrors invading this foreign land - the more he remembered and did, the more like his old self he would become. Before that he had simply been a man who loved life, travelling to meet all he could and write their stories, sing their songs, and experience all that life could offer. A true renaissance man.
Appearance: Currently he’s of course completely made of stone, barring a few cracks and random patches where his “true bodY’ peeks through. Before that, however, he was tall and lean, with light brown skin, bright blue eyes, and sunkissed brown hair that feel in loose waves and curls to about his shoulders. He generally had a bit of stubble on his face but never had a full beard. He always wore the finest things he could find - embroidered silks, handcrafted lace, and finely tooled leathers were all common parts of his wardrobe. He had a few slight scars with grand tales behind them (in reality they were generally caused by his own negligence in highly embarrassing ways, but he’d be damned if he was going to admit it) and the most charming smile you’d ever seen.
Personality: Outgoing and friendly, Alexis made friends easier than enemies. He took up work as a bounty hunter, but regularly would talk with his targets and convince them to turn themselves in without a fight. He made friends in places high and low, and could find something to talk about with nearly anyone. He has a high appreciation for the arts, and thinks it is the duty of all who live to preserve and share the stories, experiences, and creations of those around them. He truly loves life, loves people, and loves discovery.
Ariyna
Background: A Pantoran Character from a Star Wars Homebrew game. Ariyna was a young heiress and only child, growing up in the lap of luxury as her parents served in fairly high political positions (not the she paid that much attention to it). She always dreamed of seeing the galaxy around her but for various reasons was always kept at home by her parents. When she found out they were arranging a marriage for her with an available noble, she took her chance and ran away with the help of a bounty hunter, dragging her poor guard along in the process. Unfortunately, she was almost immediately captured by Sith who sensed great potential within her...
Appearance: Ariyna has soft blue skin with intricate gold markings on her face (one of which looks similar to an upside down lotus flower between her brows, the symbol of her family). Her hair is bright white and falls in very slight waves to her lower back. Her eyes are a soft pink that is so pale it almost appears white. She is incredibly petite, barely coming to 5 feet in height and is small enough that most larger aliens she meets are able to lift her one handed. She strives to wear the most current fashions, leaning into pinks, berry tones, and golds that compliment her best. The best way to think of her is as being “doll-like”
Personality: Ariyna grew up learning to wear different masks depending on her setting. However, at her core she’s selfish and rash, but still cares about others. She will act without thinking, then immediately regret her choices when she sees the consequences of her actions. She doesn’t like others getting hurt, but will let them get hurt before she allows harm to come to herself. She does good things, helps people, and pursues grand goals, but deep inside it’s because she wants the attention and validation from others for doing so. She’s not a good person.... But she knows how to make people think she is. And all in all - she’s scared. She makes choices based on self preservation, and a desire to find somewhere she belongs and feels safe.
Edwina
Background: Human Character from a Bloodborne homebrew game. Edwina joined the church of healing right before Old Yharnam had to be burned due to the scourge of beasts. Was too low down the chain to know much, but had seen enough to suspect the church was responsible, and tried to run away before being conscripted into being a hunter. Has worked her way into the choir where she has been able to learn about great ones, and is actually fairly sympathetic towards them (based on her understanding of them) and has shared dreams with them. Trying to experiment and find ways to use the dreams and the presence of the great ones to counteract beasthood.
Appearance: Pale skin (does not get much sun AT ALL), black curly hair that she haphazardly iles on her head, brown eyes. Likes long sleeves, lots of layers (long tunic, with a vest, and then her robes, and then a coat), fairly average height, slender build with little to know muscle - kinda bony. Currently has some pretty nasty twisted scars along her shoulder, chest and right forearm, and again in her lower legs due to some cultists attacking them with bear traps and nailed planks.
Personality: Very introverted - would love to curl up with a book and tea at home. Very curious and likes to learn things. Will definitely lie and attempt to go where she maybe isn’t supposed, but will also crack under even the slightest amount of pressure. Has a very low threshold for bullshit of any kind. Very inexperienced with ost worldly things (got hit on by her current beau, did not realize what was happening and never would have if he hadn’t specifically explained himself). Very low self esteem that she hides by just not talking. Currently really struggling with the thoughts of being physically intimate now that she has a bunch of nasty scars that she wants to keep hidden.
Fitz (Full name is Fitzgerald, but he hates that)
Background: Fitz is an automaton (magic robot, basically) in a heavily magic based setting where said automatons cannot use magic. Instead he is a skilled tinkerer and craftsman, and makes many fine tools, baubles and decorative pieces, along with an impressive array of mechanical things. One day he did such a good job for one mage, that they decided to enchant him with the ability to do artificy, but only on metal he has gathered and forged himself. Now he has to occasionally travel about for fancy materials that people want him to artifice so he can continue to amass more wealth. Even though it’s super inconvenient. On one such excursion he wound up getting caught in a sort of… compound for discovering the next “architect” - a being who gets to live a life of luxury and get access to untold power, in exchange for keeping the people of the world safe from outside threats. He has to go through a gauntlet of tests, challenges and more to earn this spot, and he is greedily doing everything he can to play the other contestants and get the prize for himself.
Appearance: Made of dull gray metal with bits of clockwork and other mechanical parts occasionally peaking out at the joints of his body. A fairly unassuming automaton, and he’s okay with that. His eyes glow a nice blue color, and he wears a loose tunic with a vest and tight trousers that have many loops for tools and pouches for bits. He has a lovely pair of cuffed boots that he wears as well. He is always accompanied by his companion - an artificed bug that holds a number of his most commonly used tools and is able to come when called and produce the proper item. It can’t speak or understand anything else, but that doesn’t stop Fitz from talking to it like it can.
Personality: Fitz is kinda an ass. He prefers to be able to just live a calm and relatively boring life, because he has no desire to incur the dangers that adventuring brings. However not using his artificey skills, now that people know he has them, is becoming more of a difficulty as people harass him about it. So he begrudgingly goes out and collects what he needs and will absolutely complain the whole time. He really doesn’t care about other people and will not hesitate to leave them behind if it’s easier to do so. However he will help them if they provide more benefit to him alive, or if it isn’t too difficult to do so. The biggest thing that can entice him is the promise of the easy life that power and money can bring. It’s not a big enough draw for him to hunt it out, but if the path is laid before him… well he’d be a fool not to follow.
Kati
Background: Her father was a highly respected doctor who worked tirelessly to help people by treating sickness and disease. he was very strict and good, and held high regard for the accepted morals of society. Her mother was a bit more eccentric - she was mortician, and treated death as just another stage of the lifecycle. This allowed Kati to develop an… unusual, and at times unhealthy, interest in death. She was very intelligent, and extremely curious, and she moved into medical research. She studied diseases, how they spread, their symptoms, etc… But began to push the limits of what all “research” entailed. She began allowing patients to die for the sake of documenting the entire cycle of the disease. She stole samples of diseases and took them home, where she would effectively poison others and document what happened to them. Eventually she began soliciting her services as an assassin, using diseases commonplace enough to not be suspicious, but difficult enough to treat that death was all but guaranteed.
Appearance: She is a young woman in her thirties, with olive toned skin and deep brown eyes. She has thick, black curly hair that is almost always worn up. She wears glasses all the time, even though she really only needs them to read or work on delicate, small scale things. She is fairly plain, and is okay with it as she has little interest in relationships (or people in general, for that matter). Her style is mainly about what is comfortable, and is usually loose pants and simple blouses that can have the sleeves rolled up. She does have a few outfits that are tight and dark that she wears when working as an assassin, along with a black cat mask that she uses to cover her face. She is thin, more from poor health choices than anything else, and does not do well with too much physical exertion.
Personality: Very blunt and frequently thought of as cold and uncaring. Mainly just socially awkward and not sure how to engage with people - which is fine, as she doesn’t really care to do much with others anyway. Has little regard for human life and is extremely curious about the concept of what the afterlife may hold. Collects any paraphernalia she can that relates to death and the macabre, including skulls, mummified body parts, etc… Concerned with herself and her own wellbeing first and foremost, but learned enough from her father that she will help others if she has nothing to gain from leaving them (for example, she will not leave a child to die from pnuemonia, if for no other reason than it isn’t interesting and provides her nothing to learn). She will not hesitate to justify death with the pursuit of knowledge, however. Has little care for what others think of her, and has been called things like weird, quirky, ugly, unapproachable, rude, etc… her whole life. Attempts to be minimally polite when required, but rarely succeeds.
Kyllä
Background: Dwarven character from a homebrew-y psuedo gothic fantasy world. Woke up one day in the middle of a city with no memories. A human woman who ran an herbalist shop took her in. She didn’t really fit in, because most of the dwarves rejected her due to her lack of knowledge and reverence for their ways, and everyone else is just a little bit racist. Developed skills for thievery out of boredom and a desire to save for the things she wanted, and now relies on it as a general lifestyle. Primed to take over the potion shop her adopter runs, and was travelling to expand it when she was forcibly made a “reaper” - someone who uses elemtnal magic to defeat dark, demonic beasts infiltrating the world. Now that kind of serves as her primary focus.
Appearance: Short, a bit squat but not as much as many other dwarves (strives to make sure she is light on her feet and can squeeze through small places), fair skinned with slight tanning on cheeks, shoulders, etc... Auburn hair that is wild and unruly. Wears leather and dark clothing with hoods, gloves, face wraps, etc... has a blade that straps along the length of her forearm and can be popped out into a scythe. Uses shadow based magics.
Personality: Loud. Will say what she wants, when she wants - ifshe doesn’t like you, she will absolutely tell you. Enjoys fucking with people, and will use trickery to overcome obstacles when given a choice. Does not like to be looked down on and will go to great lengths to prove you wrong. Does not like the idea of commitment due to intense trust issues, but will not hesitate to indulge herself in whatever way she wants at the time. Prides herself on her ability to seduce just about any woman she comes across.
Petra
Background: Naive faun girl who lives in a tiny town in the middle of a wild forest and has literally never left. Her husband goes out adventuring and stops writing one day. She decides to go after him and experience the wonderful world! Surprise - the world is actually awfully. Cinnamon roll faun girl has a few exestential crisis before finding her husband who had become a revolutionary to try and make the world better before she could ever come see it. (It didn’t work). The world she is from is one where most people can use magic, however faun’s are born with “half” magic. They can bond with someone to give them their half of magic, meaning that between two bonded fauns, one can use magic. She gave her magic to her husband, and so in order to survive on her adventure has taken to collecting a meangerie of magic knicks knacks and items to compensate. Not all of them are good.
Appearance: Very small (smol) - just over 4 ft. Broad, branching antlers. Long wavy pale blonde hair that turns to a rose color at the ends. Very dusky brown skin with white freckles. Deer ears and a tail, as well as soft fluffy fur on her chest, forearms and lower legs. Big blue doe eyes. Wears impractical pretty clothes and an eclectic mix of jewelry (namely a gaudy collar of different gemstones that her husband had sent from a treasure trove - it does NOT match her clothing and is VERY expensive, but it was a gift so it doesn’t come off)
Personality: Cinnamon Roll that has had to witness too much cruelty of the world for her taste. Wants to make things better, but has doubts on her ability to do so. Has struggled with questions like what makes someone good, what is right and wrong, etc... and is still not settled on an answer. However, this challenged naivity has led to the development of the idea that most people are bad, and to assume people are bad until proven otherwise. Takes betrayal like a knife to the heart and can hold a grudge - especially if she thought you were better than that.
Vivian
Background: My longest running character who has ascended into some ridiculous territory. Vivian was basically an Aasimar Cleric. She was descended from a race of near immortal beings with the ability to access different dimensions (an ability that was awoken within her in her mid twenties). She has an angelic companion named Ezekiel who gives her some of her magic abilities and travels with her as both a fighting companion and a romantic partner. She is currently considered a God on 2 different worlds/other dimensions (one of which is basically dead so...)
Appearance: Tall (like... 7ft. tall), lean muscle (she is trained with a sword and shield, hand to hand combat and a crossbow, and wears heavy plate and chain), Sun-Tanned skin, long bright red hair, quite a number of scars (legs are covered in acid-like burn scars, chesst has a magic internal scar that runs along the veins, assortment of smaller scars from other attacks). Was missing right arm which was replaced with a magic prosthetic, but had it... replaced? When she ascended to Godhood (like you do). White angel wings with gold accents. WHEN ON A WORLD SHE IS A GOD OF her scars are replaced with ethereal gold filigree patterns, her hair dissolves at the tips into a sort of galaxy thing and her eyes glow a bit. Gold and White aesthetic.
Personality: Neutral Good - Values what is right and just abov eall else, even if she must kill or lie for it. The good of the many outweighs the desire of the few. Doesn’t believe that anyone is beyond saving, but will not risk others to try and save someone who doesn;t want it. A mediator - will try to find a middle ground of peace if she can before escelating things. Loves to find flowers to braid into hair, will adopt literally any kind of animal (which has included a giant spider in the past) and likes feeling pretty even when covered in heavy armor that can obscure almost her entire being.
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Tag of Basic Information W O W
i’ve been released from college like a bat out of hell but it was actually great i love college highly recommend sooooo now i have time for things like tumblr again y a y
thank you @sugasweetsubs for tagging me and bring me back to the kpop fold ~
ABC tag
AGE – 19 i can’t believe i turn 20 this winter HO L Y
BIGGEST FEAR – Not feeling fulfilled? Also spiders.
CURRENT TIME – 3:45 PM
DRINK YOU LAST HAD – Peach tea
EVERYDAY STARTS WITH – Coffee? An alarm? Physically getting up?
FAVORITE SONG – SO MANY I really like True Romance by Citizens! from The Beauty Inside ost, which is a great movie on Netflix btw. It’s a really funky and upbeat song, great for summer. Bop material.
GHOSTS, ARE THEY REAL? – My Mom says yes, I say maybe.
HOMETOWN – A bathtub
IN LOVE WITH – Ooh so many things. Life is pretty great recently so i guess i love life. Aw.
JEALOUS OF – People who don’t procrastinate and can easily answer phones.
KILLED SOMEONE – P sure it’s a solid nope
LAST TIME YOU CRIED – when i watched this
MIDDLE NAME – Clarice
NO. OF SIBLINGS – uno
ONE WISH – not having to worry about money would be gr8 pls and thank universe
PERSON I LAST CALLED/TEXTED – A group chat of my friends/roommates
QUESTION YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED – Do you dye your hair?
REASON TO SMILE – sunshine through a window, lee seokmin, rain and cloudy/overcast days, large bodies of water, coffee, strong woman do bong soon, flavored specialty coffee, autumn and brightly colored leaves and crisp mornings, sand between your toes, green leafy trees, the entirety of bangtan sonyeondan, friends, soft pillows, that feeling of bare legs in a comfortable bed, big cozy sweaters, astro comeback happening soon, books and especially books that have been so loved they feel soft in your hands. There’s a lot.
SONG LAST SANG – Journey to the Past from the new Anastasia musical! It’s such a great song and Christy Altomare has such passion in her performance and ugh childhood. Eagerly awaiting the cast recording to pop up...
TIME YOU WOKE UP – 9 AM
UNDERWEAR – grandma-esque
VACATION DESTINATION? – I recently went to Miguel’s campground in Kentucky and that was awesome, I’d like to go back sometime with my friends.
WORST HABIT – Forgetting things? My roll my eyes a lot too when they feel uncomfortable but people misinterpret it a lot.
YOUR FAVORITE FOOD – I love pasta in all forms except spaghetti.
ZODIAC – SAGITTARIUS YOOOOOO
BOLD tag
→ appearance:
I I am 5′7″ or taller
I I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
i have at least one piercing
i have brown eyes kinda? there’s green too idk it’s confusing
i have short hair
my abs are at least somewhat defined
i have or have had braces
There is something I would change about the way I look
→ personality:
I My Hogwarts house is: Gryffindor Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin
I am an introvert
i like/love meeting new people
people tell me that i’m funny i think they’re being nice but i appreciate it none the less
helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
i enjoy physical challenges
i enjoy mental challenges
i’m playfully rude with people i know well
i started saying something ironically and now i can’t stop saying it
There is something I would change about my personality
→ ability:
I I can sing well
i can play an instrument
i can do over 30 pushups without stopping
i’m a fast runner
i can draw well
i have a good memory i remember really useless things
I’m good at doing math in my head
i can hold my breath underwater for over a minute
i have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
i know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
i know how to throw a proper punch eliott taught me to kept my thumb on the outside so it doesn’t break in 4th grade and that’s all i know
→ hobbies:
I i enjoy playing sports I LOVE FRISBEE SO MUCH i have fantastic hand-eye coordination i’m really good at catching things lol
i’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else
i have learned a new song in the past week
i work out at least once a week
i’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
i have drawn something in the past month
i enjoy writing
Fandoms are my #1 passion
i do or have done martial arts
→ experiences:
I i have had my first kiss
i have had alcohol
i have scored the winning goal in a sports game
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
i have been at an overnight event
i have been in a taxi
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year i took all of my roommates/suitmates, but i myself wasn’t admitted.
I have beaten a video game in one day
i have visited another country
i have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts
→ relationship:
I I’m in a relationship
i have a celebrity crush this entire blog is pretty much evidence
I have a crush on someone I know
i have been in at least 3 relationships
I have never been in a relationship
i have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them
I get crushes easily i get infatuated real quick but i wouldn’t say it’s the same as a crush. A crush is more meaningful i think
I have had a crush on someone for over a year
I have been in a relationship for at least a year
i have had feelings for a friend isn’t that how most crushes start?
→ my life:
I i have at least one person i consider a “best friend”
i live close to my school
my parents are still together
i have at least one sibling
i live in the united states
There is snow right now where I live
i have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month
i have a smartphone
I have at least 15 CDs
I share my room with someone
→ random shit:
I i have breakdanced
i know a person named jamie HEY GIRL I LOVE YOU YOU LIL VIRGO DEMON<3
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
i have dyed my hair
i’m listening to one song on repeat right now
i have punched someone in the past week
i know someone who has gone to jail college dude
I have broken a bone
I have eaten a waffle today
i know what i want to do with my life
i speak at least 2 languages fluently
i have made a new friend in the past year
I’ll tag @labelleangel, @melusthings, and @flowerboysruinme also anyone else who wants to! Tags r fun! Talk about urself! <33
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Today was nice!
I only had two classes but they were both fun ones (choir and singing) so that’s fine.
I was mega-pissed this morning tho. Like I was really furious all bc we didn’t have fuckin mashed potatoes at home bc that’s the stuff I get pissed at.
I slept from like 5-6 pm to almost 7 though I don’t really know how, I mean I woke up once at 3 am and then I fell asleep again and somehow slept through almost all my alarms. I don’t even remember hearing any of them go off even though I know they must have.
Oh well, I came to school at 11 am and we had choir class. It was just me and this girl who were alts or whatever so we had a bit of a hard time on the song but we managed. I sat w CG at first but she kept singing this song she sang yesterday involving me (not offensive in any way) but it started to piss me off so I just kinda moved a bit. Didn’t want to upset her or ruin her mood bc she’s been p happy today and yesterday so yes.
I went to lunch w my classmates and discussed Latin a bit w DV, I mainly just complained about how complicated it is and he agreed even tho he’s not interested in learning it. Then A kinda shat on my idea for a poetry club which felt. Uhm. Bad? I felt angry then a little bit and also hurt I think but it was like I had bubblewrap around my feelings so it was all kinda numbed off. I dunno.
I didn’t do much before my singing lesson, I chatted w some people and told some of the people who are interested in the club that they’ll need to email me so I know they’d like to join and stuff. Was gonna talk to the rap guy but I couldn’t find him after choir.
The singing lesson went okay-ish; I had some problems w getting the higher notes which is only really a problem because I let it be I think. I’m a bit self-conscious when it comes to singing high and also with more powerful singing since I’ve thought my voice is kinda weak and stuff for so long but I know I can do it. Just gotta practice.
After that class I went out for a smoke w CG, DS and some other peeps and then I took the train w DS. He was an angle and got me a train ticket since I can’t do that bc of stuff and for some reason my card didn’t work on the bus home but the driver let me on anyways.
Also! A little kid speaking English said my hair was pretty today on the train. She asked me how I had green hair and I got kinda shy so I couldn’t answer and idk. It was a funny and cute experience. She touched my hair and their parents asked her if she had asked permission to do that and she didn’t answer, and then when they asked again she was just like “let’s go” and walked off. That was p hilarious ngl.
I’m home now and since I’m free tomorrow I’m just gonna do whatever. I might study and finish my religion assignment so I won’t have to worry abt it but we’ll see.
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