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bangtanficsforyou · 2 years ago

Text

They Reject You (maknae line)

Pairing: maknae line x reader (fuckboi! Jimin x Reader, Co-worker Taehyung x Reader, Idol Jungkook x Reader)

Warnings: swear words here and there.

Word count: 4.6K

Park Jimin

"Well if it isn't my favourite girl." A voice slurs slowly, right next to your ears which makes you flinch in surprise.

"Jimin, gosh, what's wrong with you?" You say in an annoyed manner, immediately recognising the person. "Also, maybe keep some distance?"

Jimin pouts exaggeratedly and puts extra effort into widening his eyes for special effects. "Don't you find me being this close to you, heart racing-ly desirable?"

"Heart racing-ly? That's a new one," you snort and roll your eyes. "But to answer your question; no. It is not heart racing-ly desirable."

"Lie all you want but we all know the truth," Jimin smirks and you can't help but wonder how on earth he manages to remain this cocky even when drunk.

"Cut the crap and stop wasting my time." You turn around to leave, not wanting to give Jimin the time of your day. From your previous experiences, you know that Jimin only ever causes trouble.

"I'm not feeling good, Y/N," he whines, all cockiness suddenly gone from his tone as he pleads gently. "Don't leave me."

You contemplate for a split second before huffing in defeat. "What do you mean by you're not feeling good?"

"I don't know," he shrugs with a sad frown. "I just don't feel good."

Instinctively, you place your palms on his forehead only to find his skin to be burning hot.

"Jimin!" You exclaim, your feelings of indifference instantly turning into that of concern. "You have high fever."

"That might explain why I was feeling so hot," he nods. "But I thought that was because of how attractive I am."

Any other time, you would have retorted with a comeback but right now you pay no attention to his words. "Come with me, we need to get you back to your room. You need rest."

Much to your surprise, Jimin doesn't throw a protest and lets you hold his hand as you make way for the both of you through the partying crowd.

Thankfully his room is only upstairs (one of the many pros of being a frat boy living in a frat house) and you don't have much trouble getting there.

Making Jimin sit on the bed, you look for medicines that can help with his fever. "How long have you been feeling unwell?"

"For about an hour."

You have half a mind to lecture him on how drinking should be the last thing he should have done while feeling unwell, but you decide to keep it in. Maybe when he's sober and in a better health condition, you will give him an earful.

Right now, it's more important to understand the severity of the situation.

"Did you stay out for too long at night? Or stayed with wet clothes on? Or something that might have led to you having a fever?"

Jimin's drunk mind feels perplexed by the series of questions you're throwing his way. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does," you respond shortly.

As a nursing student, you know how important it is to know the source of any sickness. If his fever can be tracked down to any possible cause, you'd have this reassurance that there's most likely nothing to worry about. However, if the fever seems to have appeared out of nowhere, there are chances that it may be a symptom of some underlying infection.

Your response makes Jimin think. Has he done anything in recent days that could have led to this? At first, nothing comes to mind. But after a few moments of intense brainstorming, something clicks in his brain.

"Does having two hours of shower sex count?" He queries seriously.

Your hands momentarily falter on their journey of looking for the first aid box but you recover quickly.

"Should have expected something like that from you," you grumble in annoyance.

"Don't be mean," he complains in a whine. "It's not my fault that the sex was so good. Plus, she kept asking for more and you know I can't say no to that."

You slam the drawer shut and aggressively open the box, having finally found it. You take out a tablet and hand it over to Jimin with a glass of water.

Once Jimin has taken the medicine, you arrange the pillows for him and take a blanket out. "Go to sleep. Let your body have some rest."

"Are you leaving?" He asks in a quiet voice, reminding you of a small child asking a question they already know the answer to.

"I don't think I have any purpose being here. I'll ask Jungkook to stay with you in case you need something."

"Jungkook won't take care of me the way you do," Jimin replies with a huff, thoroughly displeased with the idea of you leaving him.

"That's not my issue," you shrug.

Jimin switches to his last option, one that works every time and on everyone; his famous, irresistible puppy eyes. "Do you not have any sympathy for me?"

You scoff, your patience running thin. You really don't want to have a fight or speak your mind while he's having a fever, but if he continues to prod you this way, he will be responsible for the inevitable outburst.

Jimin feels unhappy with your lack of response and he attempts once again. "Won't you do this much for me? Please?"

That's it. The way his soft voice pulls at your heartstrings does it for you.

"Can you, for once, not think only for yourself?" You snap.

Now that was not the reaction Jimin was expecting. "What do you mean?"

"Don't try to play dumb," you roll your eyes and cross your arms. "Don't tell me you have no idea how I feel about you."

Although drunk, Jimin's mind registers the seriousness of your words and he immediately looks sheepish. "I don't."

Well, that's a lie and both you and Jimin know it.

A sarcastic smile appears on your face. "I'll spell it out for you, again. I like you Jimin."

Jimin looks down and starts fiddling with the end of the bedsheets as he nods, having no other response.

You sigh, wondering why you expected any other, perhaps a more thoughtful reaction from him. Feeling disappointed with yourself, you make your way out without another word.

On your way, however, you make sure to find Jungkook and ask him to look after Jimin.

Once you're out of the frat house and have booked a cab to your rented apartment, you sit on a small bench and take a deep inhale to relax. Sadly and much to your frustration, the emotions that have come to the surface refuse to let you have your peace of mind.

You really should have stayed away from Jimin, from the very start.

Your brain chimes at you and it reminds you that perhaps there's no one else to be blamed but you. You are the one who has been entertaining Jimin all in the name of not entertaining him.

It was a frat party much similar to that of today's when Jimin had first tried to add your name to the long list of girls he has had sex with. You were surprised, caught off guard and admittedly a little flattered by his flirtatious actions but irrespective of that, you weren't willing to be a part of his list.

You had asked him to fuck off and to leave you alone. Which he had done at the time but only to return later with much more determination to win you over. By then, you weren't feeling flattered by his repeated attempts, you were annoyed. Something, which Jimin found amusing.

The more he tried, the more your annoyance flared and so did Jimin's amusement. It went like this for a couple of weeks.

Things started to change when you stumbled upon a drunk Jimin sitting alone on the terrace. That was the first time the both of you had a proper conversation with each other. It made you realise that the whole fuckboy thing he has going on, is only a small part of him. You realised that there's much more to the guy than what meets the eye.

From then on you stopped treating him like a guy whose sole identity was that of the 'campus fuckboy'.

That doesn't mean that his actions stopped annoying you. But you sure found it more tolerable.

However, exactly when your feelings for him turned romantic, remains debatable. Was it the night when he drunkenly kissed you? Or was it when he drunkenly confessed that he enjoys your company more than anyone else's? You don't know.

But you do remember, exactly when you realised that your feelings for him don't fall under the category of platonic. It was when you saw Jimin making out with a petite blonde in a bar. The pain and jealousy that shot through your veins was an indication enough for you to see how your feelings have bloomed into something more.

You, upon realising, did not hesitate to confess. His response to your confession was simple. He does not do relationships and he sees you as a friend.

You could do with that. You weren't expecting Jimin to return your feelings or to commit to you. After all, you were well aware of his lifestyle and how he likes having lovers instead of a lover.

The only reason you had confessed to him was in hopes that he would stop trying to bed you and realise that it isn't just fun and games for you anymore.

Unfortunately, Jimin didn't stop with his antics.

Annoyed and angry, you had decided to cut Jimin off. But of course, he wouldn't have that. He would, in some way or the other, sneak into your daily life and cause a ruckus as if it were his birthright.

Truth be told, you weren't hurt by his rejection as much as you were by his total disregard for your feelings and how his actions and choices could affect you.

The events from today serve as another example of the kind of emotional turmoil he stirs within you. The question is how long will you put up with this?

Your cab honks to announce its arrival and it causes you to break out of your thoughts. You give a small nod to the man in the driving seat and get up. As you walk towards the cab, you make up your mind.

You're not going to entertain him any longer.

Kim Taehyung

You: that's very mean of you 👿

You type with a wide grin plastered on your face.

Tae 🐻: mean? me? Never 🥺

You: putting that emoji won't help you 👿

Tae 🐻: ☹️

Tae 🐻: I sent you the snap of the chocolate because it reminded me of you 😔

You: that was NOT your intention 😤

You: you do this every time and then i start craving chocolates 😭

Tae 🐻: then have some 🙇

You: i have to complete the excel sheet by today :(:

You: which mean i can't go out

You: and if I opt for ordering online, I'll end up ordering a bunch of other stuff along with it and that won't be good for my wallet

Tae 🐻: awwww

Tae 🐻: It's okay! I'll bring you chocolates tomorrow

Tae 🐻: from your favourite brand 😉

You: you sweetheart 🥺

Tae 🐻: says the sweetest ❤️

A bashful giggle escapes from your lips when you read his text. He sure has a way with words.

You: now let me do my work

You: shoo

Tae: ☹️

Tae: I'm being chased away

Tae: but okay xD

Tae: I'll let you get back to it.

You bite on your lower lip to stop smiling like a fool and try to focus your attention on the computer screen. Keyword; try.

The butterflies in your stomach and the fluttering of your heart make it extremely difficult for you to think about anything else that's not Taehyung.

Gosh, he really is the greatest distraction of them all.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, you find a big pack of chocolate from your favourite brand, on your desk. Attached to it is a note that reads for my favourite girl ;). You smile involuntarily and wonder what you ever did to deserve someone like Taehyung in your life.

You sit on your chair and while the computer boots, you take a small bite from the chocolate bar. As you relish the sweetness that spreads in your mouth, you can't help but think of Taehyung and how much he has come to mean to you, in the few months that you have known him.

When he first joined the company he was shy, barely talking to anyone and having a hard time socialising with his co-workers. It took him about a couple of weeks to get comfortable and once he did, there was no going back. He somehow became everyone's favourite.

However, the way you two became friends is a bit different.

Four months ago, on a fortunate day, there was a huge mishap with the data files. Small groups were formed to work on the mistakes and correct them as necessary. As fate would have it, you and Taehyung were a team. And the amount of jokes you two made about your higher-ups, were perhaps the only source of energy for you both to carry on with the work and ultimately, finish it.

And those three intense working days were enough for the two of you to become friends.

It started with having small conversations via text, which then turned into full lengthy regular conversations. In the midst of all of that, when the flirting began, you have no clue. All you remember are those nights when you stayed up late, talking to him and smiling into your pillow, feeling like a teenager.

He would sneak little compliments and warm affectionate words that would have you looking like a tomato in a matter of seconds.

Most importantly, he has become one of your closest friends. He has been there whenever you needed him and has confided in you whenever he faced challenges. The bond you two share is something you treasure deeply. He has become such an integral part of your life that there hardly goes by a day when the two of you don't talk to each other.

It's one of those 'more than friends' but 'not really dating' scenarios.

You had never given much thought about giving a label to what the two of you were. You were happy having him the way you do. But recently, you can't help but think of taking things to the next level. You find yourself wondering what it would be like to call him your boyfriend.

As the all too familiar windows tune plays, notifying you of the booting process being completed, you decide to subtly ask him about it.

----------------------------------------

"Did you like the chocolates?" That's the first thing Taehyung asks as you take the seat opposite to him.

"Do you think I would not like it?" You answer his question with a question of your own. Because honestly, that's a very silly question to ask. Anyone who knows you knows how much you love chocolates.

Taehyung grins, his boxy smile making an appearance. "I mean, it would still be nice to hear it from you."

"Well, then, I loved it."

He nods, satisfied with your answer. Placing one of his hands on his chest, right above his heart, he bows. "I'm honoured to know that."

You chuckle softly, endeared at his actions. "How was your day so far?"

He rolls his eyes. "Eh, the usual. Mina got some files messed up and I had to do twice the work to fix that."

"That sucks," you grimace. "Work has been so tiring lately, I wish we could take a small break from all this shit."

"Oh, that reminds me–" Taehyung exclaims suddenly, startling you, "–I have got these free tickets to a movie, would you like to go with me?"

Excitement bubbles in your stomach. "Sure! I'd love to."

"Then it's set! I'll let you know of the date and time later, okay?"

You nod, feeling giddy at the thought of watching a movie with him. It won't be the first time for sure, but it has been a while since the two of you last did something like this. Work hardly leaves any spare time for rest and fun.

However, the thought of spending some alone time with him, makes your mind go back to what you had decided while you were devouring the chocolate. You clear your throat before bringing the topic to the table. "Tae?"

"Hmm?"

"What are we doing?"

He looks up from his food, with a confused smile. "What do you mean by that? We are eating lunch."

You shake your head softly, and make your question more obvious. "What are we?"

You see as his confusion clears out and his smile fades. A look of discomfort appears on his face as he swallows the food. "Well, we are friends."

"Are we just friends though?" You raise a brow in question, not willing to accept his answer.

A soft sigh escapes his lips when he realises he can't really back out of this or push the conversation away for some time later. "You aren't just a friend to me. I like you. I like you a lot."

You stay quiet, sensing that there's a but coming.

"But I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship." He adds, figuring out that there's no way to put it subtly.

That wasn't the answer you were expecting and naturally, you feel disheartened by his words.

Taehyung notices the way your face has dropped and he immediately feels guilty. "I know I should have told you this before. My intentions weren't to string you along, I genuinely do like you–"

"Then why?" You cut him off, confused and unable to understand what could be the issue if he really likes you the way he claims to.

"I am scared it will distract me from my career."

Your first instinct is to counter his statement and say, it doesn't work that way. That relationships are not a distraction. But you hold yourself back from saying so.

If he believes that having a relationship will distract him, you cannot force or persuade him to believe otherwise. If anything, you understand where he might be coming from. He has only recently joined the company and you know he has experienced financial issues while growing up. You can see why he might be scared of something making him lose his focus. Having an established career is what he wants and what seems to be his priority.

Although you have been hoping and looking forward to putting a label, you know you can't expect that from him anymore. You could try and ask him to reconsider his choices but what good would that do?

Even if he were to get into a relationship, he would most likely still have that thought in the back of his mind and will keep worrying about getting sidetracked. What's the point of committing to someone if you can't really enjoy it to the fullest? What is the point of calling someone yours, if you can't fully feel the beauty of it? You see none.

"Maybe, we can wait for each other?" He suggests meekly, too scared to see what your reaction to the question is.

Now, waiting for each other and whatnot sounds really romantic in movies and romcoms but you have to remind yourself that this is not a movie. In real life, irrespective of the intentions the individuals may hold, somewhere along the line, something usually happens that causes chaos and turns things sour.

"How about we just let things flow and see where it takes us?" You suggest as that seems like the best possible choice at the moment.

Taehyung nods knowing he's in no place to bargain. He will take whatever you will give him. However, it bugs him to no end when you spend the rest of the lunch in silence and with a frown on your face.

Jeon Jungkook

"Can you sit still for a moment?"

The person in question, aka Jungkook, pays no attention to your words and hollers when something exciting occurs on the screen of his mobile phone.

You sigh and place your palms on both of his cheeks and make him look up. However, the adorable sight of his squished cheeks, pouty lips and doe eyes wide in surprise, has you snorting. When you let go of your hold, he frowns, offended by your laughter.

"What's so funny about my face?" He grumbles.

You shake your head and apply blush on his cheeks. "You just looked like a real bunny for a second there, couldn't help but laugh at that."

He pouts. "That's supposed to be cute, not funny."

A fond smile appears on your face at his displeasure. "You're both cute and funny, I guess."

Jungkook grins at you, now satisfied. "Now make me cuter."

"I'll be able to do that if you stay still for a moment," you retort.

Jungkook huffs and closes his eyes. "Fine! I'll stay still."

You hum in response and get to work.

Being Jungkook's make-up artist was fairly easy. You just had to make his beautiful face appear flawless for the cameras. Nothing too difficult. Jungkook was friendly and so were the other BTS members. The pay was, of course, more than satisfactory.

Recently, however, being Jungkook's make-up artist hasn't been easy. It hasn't been easy being this close to him and keeping the fluttering of your heart under control. It hasn't been easy to see his eyes this up close and not let yourself get lost in them. It hasn't been easy to notice that small mole under his lips and resist the urge to kiss it. Oh no, it hasn't been easy at all.

One might call you unprofessional and to be honest, you don't have much to defend yourself with. Rather, if someone questions your professionalism, you'd challenge them to take your job and not fall for the guy.

You think it's simply impossible.

But you see, that's the simple part. Falling. The consequences of falling, however, are where the complications begin.

The very first question that comes to mind is; what are the chances that they might feel the same? Then one realises that there's no way to answer this for sure as it's only the other person who's aware of what they feel. Which leads to a major dilemma; to confess or not to confess.

Confessing your feelings is a very vulnerable thing to do. It feels like exposing yourself at one's mercy. Like a delicate bud that you hand over and whether the flower will bloom or wilt, totally depends on the other person.

It's beautiful yet scary.

For a long time, you haven't been willing to be that vulnerable with Jungkook.

All anxieties that come with confessing aside, you can't ignore the fact that he's a world-famous idol.

You are not worried about word getting out about you falling for him. You hardly think that it will cause a stir. If anything, the fans will probably make memes out of it and will agree with you on how impossible it is to not fall for the guy. The memes will be all over the internet for a few months and after that, they will be gone and will resurface every once in a while. That doesn't seem like much to you and you think you can handle it.

What does worry you is word getting out and you getting fired and not getting a job henceforth (you're pretty sure that the agencies won't take up on your 'don't fall for Jungkook' challenge).

This particular fear is what has been holding you back from letting Jungkook know of your feelings.

However, the thing with love is, you cannot bury it no matter how hard you try. It's like the sun that comes out to shine no matter what. Love blooms in the heart and it refuses to stay hidden for too long behind whatever fears the mind comes up with.

After all, in the battle of mind and heart, when has the former ever won?

Once you're done with the finishing touches, you let Jungkook know that you're done.

Jungkook opens his eyes and they automatically land on yours. The sharp spike in your breathing rate and the loud thumping of your heartbeat, makes you look away immediately.

You clear your throat and take a slow deep inhale to calm your racing heart. "I'll put the lip balm and foundation in the kit. Just in case you need it."

"You say that every time before a performance as if you're not going to be backstage," he chuckles in amusement.

"Jungkook, the performance is in fifteen," Taehyung says loudly from the other side of the room.

It's like a switch being flipped on. Jungkook's eyes widen and he gets up from his seat instantly. Bidding you a quick goodbye, he exits the room in a hurry.

You sigh in relief, finally feeling like you can breathe again. Taking a seat on the chair previously occupied by Jungkook, you stare at your reflection in the mirror. You notice the red hue on your cheeks and your lips part in awe at how flustered you look. Almost, as if you have run a mile.

Something about this moment makes you come to a quick decision. For a long time, you have been toying with the idea of confessing but have always backed out every time you had a chance. But not anymore.

You grab a small piece of paper and a pen and write down what you have been wanting to tell Jungkook.

You make it direct and simple and put it in Jungkook's handbag.

The moment you zip the chain, you feel this urge to take the chit out and throw it in the dustbin but you somehow, withhold yourself from doing so.

You are aware that he won't notice the chit until he's back in his dorms. The bag contains all the skin care products (handpicked by you) he uses before going to bed. Which also means you would have to wait until tomorrow when you're back to work to know Jungkook's answer.

Seems like it's gonna be a sleepless night for you.

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The next day, you go to work with nervous excitement. While in the car, you couldn't wait for your destination to arrive yet at the same time dreaded it. It's this mixed feeling where you can't decide what you want but in the end, realise that it's better to just get over it.

However, while you're walking towards Jungkook's make-up room, Namjoon calls your name.

"Y/N," he shouts to get your attention. Once he notices he has it, he walks up to you. "My dressing room is the other way."

"I know that," you say with a small frown, wondering why he is telling you this.

"Oh," Namjoon realises that you're unaware of the changes. "You don't know, do you?"

You shake your head, your confusion only increasing. "Know what?"

"Jungkook has requested a new make-up artist. So now, you're in charge of my make up," he replies.

Namjoon's words ring in your ears and you feel the world around you fade. You knew that there was always the chance that he doesn't feel the same way. You knew if that were the case it'd hurt but you'd accept it. However, you didn't expect Jungkook to do this.

It feels like the unbloomed flower has been stomped by someone and you're left to feel the crushing pain.

A/N: if you wish to support me and want to have early access to all my works, consider visiting my patreon!

#Jungkook reaction #Jungkook angst #Jungkook scenarios #Idol Jungkook #Jungkook au #Taehyung reaction #Taehyung angst #Co-worker Taehyung #Taehyung au #Jimin reaction #Jimin angst #Jimin scenario #Fuckboy Jimin #Jimin au

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whimsicalcotton · 4 months ago

Note

Also I started getting into the namesake song of polluted marrow (Spiracle by Flower Face) and it's so good... I wanna give you the green light to ramble about how you think this song relates to the fic/the characters/etc bc I'm very curious to hear how it inspired you 😊

[cracks knuckles] Okay so,

for starters this AU is kinda old. i think i started toying w the general idea in 2016ish, and the want to write it got hardcore resurrected when i decided to watch an lis1 playthrough for the first time in fucking ages last year. i happened to find Spiracle recently after finishing up so there was already like a 60% chance i'd start associating it w lis through just that, but then i was smacked in the face specifically by this last line

so hard that i was immediately like Oh God I Need To Write That Timelooper Max AU Right The Fuck Now. (like seriously. "i want you butterfly, i want you sailor." what am i supposed to Do after hearing that if not wail over pricefield)

as a whole for me the song is about The Devotion (tm) and how Max loves every last little part of Chloe, good or bad, for better or worse, so goddamn much that she's willing to put herself through all this fucking bullshit several times over. Yearning On A Cosmic Scale kind of vibes.

but then after a few listens i Realized. that some of these lines are really good for Rachel + the admittedly unhinged amberfield dynamic i have brewing. imo Max is definitely not immune to the whole putting the idea of Rachel on a pedestal problem, but she does it Different than everyone else bc her image of Rachel is informed mostly by how important she was to Chloe. which is to say i read some of these lines in an "and i want you, too. i want every part of her and you're a part of her," sort of way.

also this one line is very Max @ both of them

and to bring it back to that last bit again, i feel like the butterfly/sailor line is pretty self-explanatory but "i am your lover, and i am your jailor," to me is the crux of all those conflicting gnarly gay timelooper feelings. no one loves you like me, no one hurts you like me. i'm saving us, i'm keeping us trapped here. i'm the one who pulls you from your grave, i'm the one who throws the first shovel of dirt onto your coffin. i'm your lover, i'm your jailor.

also! even the title easily lends itself to lis imagery bc A) english is stupid and there are too many words that look the damn same so i think of spirals every time i see it. and more concretely, B) spiracles are little holes in an insect's body that they use to get oxygen and ofc,, both butterflies And the chrysalis itself have them. i'm mentally unwell about this actually. truly i wasn't aware i could be emotionally damaged by looking up caterpillar facts but that's what writing does to you i guess.

and lastly i picked out 'polluted marrow' as a title for the whole AU because

could be Any Of Them.

for Max it's "i'll still want you if you're nothing; i'll still want you if your insides are rotting." for Chloe it's "i want to know what's hurting you; i want to take it away." for Rachel it's "i want to see the depth of your sickness; i want you to hold it to my throat like the weapon you've made it into."

#jskfhjshfks sorry. that this is just a bunch of half-comprehensible rambling. thank u v v much for the ask tho!! ^^#writhing around in agony about this song always <3 #also. chewing on my fucked up lil version of apf. putting them in a jar and shaking them around. rotating them in my mindcrowave at 3000rpm #also also sorry that even in a hypothetical/lyric analysis post and not even actual writing i cannot stray from the urge #to make rach sound absolutely batshit off the rails dramatic. truly have i ever written a normal sounding piece of dialogue/thought for her #is it even Possible hsgfshdfjs #nova answers #bulletbilltime #marrow max tag

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naomiknight-17 · 2 months ago

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As some of you may know, I started losing weight because I have health issues I wanted to address.

Now, I didn't believe that losing weight would FIX those issues, mind you. It's just that every time I told my doctor something like

"My periods are really really heavy and painful"

"My lower back pain is crippling, some days I can't even get out of bed on my own"

"I get out of breath so easily, sometimes when I'm not even doing anything"

"My depression is so bad I don't have the motivation to do the most basic and important tasks"

The answer was always "Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight."

I have lost at least 55 lbs.

My periods are only under control because my gynecologist diagnosed my severe endometriosis and got me on then-experimental meds that stopped my cycle.

My back still regularly flares up and disables me. I had a bout of breathlessness so severe at my last cardiac rehabilitation class that one of the nurses came to check on me thinking I needed medical help. My psychiatrist retired over a year ago and left me on a low dose of antidepressants and said I was fine even tho I'd told him I was not.

But only now, now that I've lost some weight, only now was my doctor like "Huh. Maybe you can take some painkillers. Try this kind. Let me know how you feel in a month. That breathing problem does sound unusual, here's a referral to a cardiologist, and if they don't find anything I'll send you to a respiratory specialist. Try this different antidepressant on top of the one you're taking."

"How strange that you are unwell when you are eating right and exercising and doing everything you are supposed to"

Maybe. Maybe I would not be so unwell if you addressed my symptoms, oh I dunno, 2+ years and 55+ pounds ago. Just a thought

I am glad she is finally taking my illnesses seriously but I should not have had to lose weight for her to do that. I should not have had to suffer untreated for years because she did not think I was taking good care of myself

Fat people (and I am still very fat, for the record!) really do have more trouble getting the most basic fucking medical care I swear to god

#also! losing weight would be easier if i was not crippled by pain!#depression and endometriosis and several other issues i have CAUSE WEIGHT GAIN #maybe if we addressed the core problems i wouldn't even have so much weight to lose!!!#it's all so annoying and frustrating #anyway. my family will be here soon and i'm gonna teach them how to make christmas cookies #mod post #medical stuff #fatphobia #medical fatphobia #weight loss #diet talk #just in case

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kattythingz · 6 months ago

Note

Attack attack attack 🕯️🥤🥐🥝🐝

Literally every one of these questions was a targeted attack, what the FUCK Jinx. But fine.

🕯️ - on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? Why is that?

Unless I'm in a bad mood and/or the premise doesn't interest me, it's actually most often a 9. Sometimes even a 10. It took me a long time to realize this (hello fiction workshop), but it turns out my passion for editing is its own beast. Something about helping others' writing. Pointing out their mistakes not to laugh at them, but to further their writing because I want to see that!!! I want my friends to see their best writing and I want to help them get there! It's the greatest honor! And, when I really get into it, it's honestly just a fun process!

(Usually. We don't talk about the fucking blood that went into editing ch4 of Crown.)

🥤 - recommend an author or fanfic you love.

MAY I INTRODUCE THE FINE PEOPLE TO @asthmaticbee's BRILLIANT HP X FMA AU "of elder, stone and cloth (of death, rebirth and closure)". THE SURPRISE RAREPAIR IS AMAZING AND I AM SO UPSET I DON'T HAVE OTHER CONTENT FOR THEM AND THE CHARACTER WRITING IS PHENOMENAL. THIS AUTHOR GETS ED ON SUCH A DEEP LEVEL. It quite literally had me high for the three or so days I spent bingeing the fic. I CANNOT recommend it enough.

🥐 - name one internet reference that will always make you laugh.

SONIC FANDUBS LMAO. My little brother and I recite them at each other all the time (I suspect it's a verbal stim at this point?), and I can't. It's so fucking funny each time.

🥝 - do you lie a lot? What's the most recent lie you told?

Jinx, seriously. What have I done to insult you lately? /j

I do actually lie a lot lmao. That's kinda a necessity in a controlling household like mine, so it uh. Kinda happens like breathing. Which is mayhaps not a good thing, but. You know. Gotta do what you gotta do. I can't remember my most recent lie, aha. (Another shining endorsement for me, ik.)

🐝 - tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them.

I am honestly so blessed to say—it's so many people? I can't even tag them all off the top of my head. The recent support I received on ch5 of Crown was so fucking huge, I'll forever be unwell over how nice all my readers are?? I'm so grateful to everyone.

Off the top of my head, however, I MUST specifically tag @ilovepannacotta @sirchenchen @hijinks-n-lowjinks @crystalizedirongoblin and @thewitchqueen281

Panna, you brilliant fucking bitch, you've been struggling with your art lately but you are genuinely my favorite edling artist out there. You never fail to blow my expectations out of the water, and I hope you'll agree with me on that one day. Chen, your mind is so brilliant, and your aus are so thoughtful and deep and you ask questions I never considered before that then get ME thinking. Jinx, your understanding of Greed as a character, and Al too, have quite literally saved my ass several times. Citrine, I... can't think of sth specific cuz we don't actually talk often, but your support for my yj x fma crossover motivated me so much more than you think, esp since I was in a dry spell with Crown at the time. And Avi, you've literally been my ground support since ch1 of Crown. Your early asks gave me so much hope that this revamp might actually stand a chance, and then you further devastated me by writing me a goddamn 8k fic.

I'm grateful to all my readers, but you guys esp... you did sth deep to me. And I don't think I'll be normal again cuz of it. I love y'all <3

#wow that was a lot. ANYWAY THANKS FOR THE ASK #katmail #fma #ask game #a-rdentlyy

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sinthedrinker · 6 months ago

Text

Zhongli x F!Reader

Zhongli awoke in the middle of the night, the lack of weight and warmth beside him in bed having roused him. The moon was high, it's light shining through our bedroom window and softly illuminating my silhouette as I paced around the room. I don't know why the night scares me, nothing bad had ever happened to me at night that didn't also happen during the day, but I could not stay asleep or stay comfortable. Sleep aids made me dizzy and sedated, but as long as I could still move my limbs, I would not sleep. Just pace, or scratch and peel at my skin, or talk to myself. Anything to pass the time until the sun rose and I could finally rest. Zhongli was used to this by now and he rose from the bed, wrapping his arms around me and stilling my anxious movement.

"My poor darling. How long have you been up?" He asked softly. I placed my hands over his, interlocking our fingers.

"I can't remember."

"Will you come back to bed with me?" He asked, very gently guiding me back to our bed. My eyes and limbs felt heavy, my head was swimming, but still I could not relax enough to close my eyes and sleep. My anxiety only seemed to worsen, my stomach swirling restlessly and making me fear I would be sick, my heart beating so fast, my body flooding with adrenaline, ready to run from a nameless threat. Zhongli wrapped himself around me, caging me in his large, strong body. He always seemed to radiate warmth and stability, like laying on a boulder that's been kissed by the sun.

"You are safe. Nothing fearful or harmful or painful can reach you, everything is right in the world, and you are safe in my arms." He said sternly. I nodded and snuggled up closer to him.

"I'm sorry I'm like this. I know it must be exhausting for you." I said. The feeling that I am burdensome, annoying and useless wells up inside of me nearly every night and I worry that it will slowly build until it erodes our relationship. Zhongli cupped my cheek, tilting my head to make me meet his eyes. Amber, nearly shining in the moonlight, he always looked at me so sternly and seriously.

"You are never exhausting. You are my wife, my darling. I want to care for you, and I love you when you are well, and unwell." He said. He kissed me gently, pulling me to his body even closer. It was impossible not to feel safer in his arms, but still I didn’t think I could fall asleep, and he knew he would be unable to sleep as long as I was so restless.

“Would you like to look at the moon with me?” he asked. I nodded cheerfully and let him help me back out of bed, by this time the servants had all gone to sleep and I didn’t feel nervous about being in just my nightie as Zhongli led me through our dark estate. He hadn't even bothered to put clothes on at all. He led me to our living room where the moon shone through the wide windows and where the glowing lights of Liyue could be seen below. Our home was high enough that no one could see into the windows, but the city with all of its lanterns and street lights sprawled out below us was beautiful at night, especially with the moon glowing above and reflecting in the sea beyond the city.

While I admired the city Zhongli wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Do you feel safer?" He asked quietly.

"I do. It makes me feel really soothed to see all of Liyue like this, though I'm not sure why."

"Because this is my city, and now it is yours. There will always be a home for you in Liyue, a place where you can feel safe. Between the cliffs and mountains and the sea you are safe. Here, you are safe."

I closed my eyes and took Zhongli's hands in mine. His hands were large, strong and warm but his fingers were elegant, dexterous and capable as he entwined them with mine.

"I'm sleepy.." I said after several long moments of gazing at the moon with him silently. He scooped me up in his arms, cradling me and carrying me back to our bed.

He laid down and held me to his chest, his grip on me firm and protective. I wriggled free just enough to hold his face in my hands and kiss him. I ran my fingertips over his cheek and jawbones as he worked his lips against mine and slid his tongue into my mouth, brushing his teeth against my bottom lip. He slid one of his hands down my back to my ass, he squeezed and kneaded my flesh before spanking me abruptly. I yelped and felt him smirk against my mouth.

"Precious thing. You are absolutely delectable, too much so to resist."

Zhongli rolled on top of me, laying me back on our soft pillows and sheets as he lowered his head to the crook of my neck to kiss and suck bruises already left there from the previous night. It hurt a little, his assault upon already tender flesh, but I was happy to receive both pain and pleasure from him during these times. He ran his hands down my body, squeezing my thighs before bringing his hand between them, circling my clit with his fingertip gently.

"How do you feel? Not only physically, tell me how you're feeling emotionally. I worry, you know." Zhongli said, though it was hard to focus on his words.

"Safe.. Being intimate with you, I just feel very safe. I can be vulnerable a-and, I know you'll protect me-" I clenched my teeth as I came, Zhongli continuing to rub my clit and extending my orgasm as long as he could.

"I.. feel safe as well." He said, holding his cock in one hand and one of my thighs in the other, swirling the tip of his cock around my slick entrance.

"During the Archon war my only.. encounters were strictly, primal, we'll say. Breeding and nothing more. The experience of intimacy that feels intimate, of.. Making love;" with that he pushed himself into me.

"This is something I have only experienced with you. Both pleasurable and loving and still filling me with just as much primal desire that clouds my mind and makes me able to think of nothing but filling you.. It feels good. I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel that you are part of me, one with me, and together nothing can harm us."

He cradled me in his arms and kissed me gently, moaning quietly into my mouth as I clenched my walls around him. I closed my eyes and let myself focus on nothing but this feeling and this moment. No anxiety or nervousness or fear, only Zhongli's warm body, his strong arms, his hot breath against my neck and the pleasant ache of his cock stretching me.

Zhongli stroked my cheek gently, looking into my eyes as he came, his mouth slightly agape as he shuddered and his hips bucked involuntarily.

"I love you darling. Are you ready to sleep now?" he asked, smiling as he pulled out of me and laid next to me, holding me to him with his strong chest against my back.

"Mmmhmm..." I said sleepily, unable to keep my eyes open.

#zhongli x reader #genshin impact

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taylorkellyreporting · 1 day ago

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i hope no one minds if i liveblog this bitch: twin peaks season 1

first lb of 2025!! this show has been on my watchlist for literal years (i’m talking since there was a revival 😭) but i just never got around to watching it ‘til now. i know there are a ton of fantastic actors in this show so i’m really excited to start it.

this sheriff needs a new profession

omg i know they couldn’t have anticipated laura’s mom being on the phone, but couldn’t they have sent a cop to talk to her, too? what an awful way to have her worst fear confirmed

of course bobby is a cheating asshole

i don’t like the smirk on this girls face at all

“i loved her!” motherfucker, you’re literally cheating on her

none of these actors can cry

oh shit, this girl looks like she’s been tortured. what the hell is happening in this town

not this lady worried about her drapes when a kid was just murdered

this dude’s making me want cherry pie

this psychiatrist is so fucking creepy

a serial killer???

“does this mean i’ll never grow up?” oh God

no seriously, this andy dude needs a new profession

“did you know laura was seeing someone else?” ohhh, so while he was having his, she was having a few of her own 😭

“you didn’t love her anyway” get his ass

the fuck is audrey’s deal?

donna girl, you are a horrible liar

can’t believe i didn’t put it together when they first mentioned she was with a biker and his name started with the letter “j”

is there a single character in this show that’s actually loyal to their partner?

“dad, i’m gonna tell it to you and i’m gonna tell it to you straight” lmfaooo

don’t know if i believe james’ story

WHAT THE FUCK i thought james was with laura????

i’ve never been so confused

okay mr. frost and mr. lynch, you’ve got me hooked.

1x02

agent cooper hanging upside down like a bat wasn’t the opening scene i was expecting 😭

i hope cooper knows audrey’s a teenager

shelly needs to dump this leo dude

“james, you were in love with laura” not that in love, he was making out with donna right after he found out she was dead

“all this time, we were the ones falling in love” damn

at least donna’s having mixed emotions instead of just being happy about james’ feelings

“there was a fish in the percolator” screaming

catherine is a real bitch

i am once again saying there are NO loyal people in this show

what the fuck is happening to laura’s mom

not bobby’s dad smacking the cigarette out of his mouth 😭😭😭

“one day, my log will have something to say about this” this show is a comedy

leo needs to die immediately

“james is sweet but he’s so dumb!” lmfaooo

what the fuck, why does the creepy doctor have the other half of james’ necklace????

1x03

anyone who eats a sandwich the way audrey’s dad is eating it needs to be jailed immediately

that town really has it all

on one hand, im happy for james and donna, on the other hand, i feel so bad for laura. one boyfriend was cheating on her and the other was emotionally cheating with her best friend of all people.

cooper’s really giving a history lesson 😭

dkfjfjs not andy getting struck in the head with a rock

audrey’s a little off

lucy sticking her tongue out at albert?? she’s such a queen

do these people not know divorce is an option?

“what is going on in this house?!” seriously

i find myself wondering, not for the first time, what the hell this show exactly is

1x04

THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGG

omg laura looks so much older as a brunette

every time bobby’s dad opens his mouth i want to kill myself

“look, it’s trying to think.” albert’s such an asshole but he’s so fucking funny

“love me!” “you bet😐” dkfjgkdm

bobby’s fucked up for ruining laura’s funeral but what he said isn’t exactly wrong

four eps in and i’m severely craving pie

so they just go around tying suspects up, huh?

did catherine kill her son???

laura’s dad is so unwell :(

1x05

i wanna know how the hell sarah knows about the rock

i love lucy so much

ANDY AND LUCY???? lmfaoooo

audrey is the last person donna should trust

bobby’s audacity is astounding

do they ever specify shelley’s age?

not diet lasagna 😭

“hank got his parole, he’s coming home” maybe she should’ve dumped him while he was away

audrey’s good, i’ll give her that

five episodes in and i feel like i’m more confused than when i started this show

5x06

i hope we meet the famous diane before this show ends

what the hell is this creepy doctor playing at?

i can’t decide if i feel bad for bobby cause i’m not sure i can believe him

log lady you will always be famous

this shot goes kinda hard

laura’s dad needs serious help

why the hell is audrey crying

no way, is josie cheating on harry with benjamin of all people?

is leo dead or…

what the fuck

1x07

not condoning anything but i get audrey. i’d fall for cooper, too.

kinda here for bobby and shelly, not gonna lie

not cooper wearing a whole ass tux 😭

pls josie and her father in law took out a freaking life insurance plan on catherine

aww no waldo is dead ☹️

so leo’s definitely the killer

i’m officially on the edge of my seat

1x08

i hope james doesn’t die

this is a disaster

OH SHIT CREEPY DOCTOR

leo’s good as dead

well shit i didn’t think andy had it in him

damn that’s gotta be painful for james to hear

noooo shelley!!!!!

“you broke my heart!” that would require having one

what the hell did josie get herself into

catherine is playing peter so good

oh shit she’s pregnant

“…uh…” 😭😭

i don’t believe leo acted alone

so much has been happening, i completely forgot about nadine

why did they wait ‘til the last two episodes to get so interesting!!!

leland you have too much to live for!!!!

i hope he at least gets away with it

audrey is so screwed

this is me. if you even care.

this show is incredible. i wasn’t expecting bobby to grow on me, but he did. i really hate that he set james up, especially since he was cheating on laura with shelly so he’s being a huge hypocrite. i hope now that leo’s dead he and shelly can be happy together. maybe that’ll change once i get to s2.

speaking of leo, i’m glad he’s dead, but i hate that he won’t pay for what he did to shelly, laura, and the other girls. and i don’t believe for a second that he took the girls to the train cart alone.

cooper was shot, omg??? i’m gonna guess hank was the shooter but idk.

really looking forward to seeing how audrey gets out of the mess she’s found herself in with ben.

and leland!!! i was not expecting him to kill jacques and i really hope he gets away with it and gets the help that he so clearly needs.

i don’t like nadine but i really hope she makes it.

pete doesn’t deserve to die, especially not for catherine so he better be okay!!!!

josie having her husband killed was not on my bingo card and i’m so disappointed in her!! harry deserves so much better, poor guy.

i’m about to start s2 so the lb for that should be up soon. david lynch was a genius and so is mark frost. i now have a severe craving for a slice of pie and a cup of coffee. and i don’t even drink coffee.

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wheneclipsefalls · 14 days ago

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Hello, could I please get some advice? I need some from someone who doesn’t know me or him.

I’m 18, soon to be 19 in May, and I got the permission to start dating at 16. I was in no rush because I wasn’t thinking about that for almost two years. I started talking to this guy when I was 17, with me about to be 18 in two months, but he was so mentally unwell (I didn’t notice the signs until my friend pointed them out to me).

(Just an example of how he was:

He was so clingy and always hugged and kissed me. I have had past experiences, so I laid out when we first realized we liked each other that you need to ask permission for any physical contact. He broke that rule CONSISTENTLY. Then, when I had a physical health issue and could barely even breathe, was practically in and out the hospital, he got mad, ghosted me for several DAYS after I told him that I was focussing on my health for a week or two. When I started dreading even the thought of him, my friend pointed out that it shouldn’t be like that and we talked.)

Everything is okay now. I don’t speak to him or answer his texts. I don’t want to fully block him because I worry he may try to do something to himself if he contacted me again and realized he was blocked. Do you think I should block him? I feel it’d be my fault if something happens.

Something else I need advice on: I’m really ready to date and I have been close but then I think of someone else being like him and become relieved if it doesn’t get far. I’m not sure if this means I’m really not ready or if I’m just scared? I’m not sure how to seek therapy because I worry someone will take his side or tell me we weren’t serious enough for me to be so affected by him.

Damn, I'm sorry. That sounds really intense.

Listen, I don't want you to take my advice too seriously because one I am not an expert and two I don't know everything about the situation. That being said if I was you I would stay away from him. If he is consistently contacting you, then block him. I know that may seem scary if he is perhaps threatening to do something to himself, but that can't be a reason for you to put yourself in harm's way. It can't be used as a form of manipulation. If he really is talking about hurting himself I would try to contact someone that can actually help him, a professional and/or family member, and then cut him off.

Also love, please do not EVER let anyone tell you how you are supposed to feel. I mean it. It is not anyone else's place to say that you weren't serious enough to feel hurt. No good therapist will tell you it was no big deal and to get over it. If they do, find a different one. We all have a right to our feelings, especially when they are from past trauma/experiences. It takes time to heal. Trust me, I know. I am still healing from a lot of shit, but times does help.

Maybe you're ready. Maybe you're not. I think it's perfectly natural for you to be hesitant and guarded considering what you went through. That's doesn't mean it will be that way forever. But if I were you I would just try to be patient with myself when dating. Yes try to give people a chance to prove that they are different from him, but also be mindful of your feelings and boundaries.

Once again, I am by no means a professional nor a perfect person, so this advice is not full proof. Those are just my feelings.

I truly hope that you are feeling better though. Remember to be kind to yourself as you heal<3

#eclipse responds

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adoracora-elizabeth · 2 months ago

Text

Music made me love you, chapter 43

"I am so sorry, but I need to go to Downton. Papa is feeling unwell and there are several meetings I need to step in." Robert said while putting Cora's coffee cup in front of her. He had stopped trying to get her to drink tea. She would probably never become a tea person; how much he would try.

"How long do you need to stay?" Cora asked, flipping through the paper that was on the table.

"That is the thing, probably a couple of weeks." Robert tried to make it sound less awful, but he knew he could not.

"A few weeks?" Cora exclaimed. "But that is not possible." Cora felt a lump in her throat.

"My dear, I cannot stay away. It is my duty to step in." He saw how she was fighting against her tears.

"How are we going to go for the test? Are you driving back and forth?"

Robert stretched over the counter to take her hand. "We could ask Dr Clarkson in the village to help out?"

"Robert, I know that you think I am worried for nothing. But I feel that we need to take this seriously and I want a good doctor. Someone who specializes in infertility."

"What if you are not infertile and it is just stress?"

Cora pulled her hand back. "Who says it is me?"

He felt his cheeks colour when she said that. "You are absolutely right. It could also be me. But Dr Clarkson will have staff who know what they are doing. Please Darling, I do not have another option. I need to go to Downton."

"I do not understand why you cannot just cancel the meetings and reschedule. I thought you wanted a family as much as I did, but it does not feel like it."

"You are being unfair," Robert said shocked. "You know how much I would want to start a family with you. But these meetings have been scheduled for months now, so we cannot postpone them. Please understand."

Cora shook her head. "I never thought you would put the house before me."

"I am not. First of all, the meetings are with the company and second of all. You are always in the first place, but there are things that I cannot control."

"Are you sure your father is ill? Did your mother tell you that?"

"That is low Cora, that is really low." He picked up his cup and walked out of the kitchen towards his office. One of the rooms they had transformed into a nice home office. He wished Cora would not be this stubborn. Dr Clarkson could do the same testing, why did she insist on having a specialist? It would all turn out to be nothing, he was sure. As soon as they were back in calmer weather, she would fall pregnant. He heard the front door close with a loud bang.

+++

How could he be so insensitive, he did not even consider saying no. He promised to go for testing with her, did he not want a family? Standing in their driveway she did not know where to go for a second. She looked at the clock, Sorcha would start her shift soon. She regretted quitting that job, she could still have something to do outside the house. But Robert had convinced her that she did not need a job.

When she reached the restaurant, she headed straight to the bar. "A double whiskey please." She asked the bartender.

"What kind would you like?"

"I do not mind as long as it is a strong one, without ice."

She emptied the glass in two gulps and ordered a second one.

"Let's make that a gin tonic." Sorcha's voice sounded.

"But the lady ordered a double whiskey!" The bartender protested.

"I know, but this lady better slow down and drink a gin tonic." Sorcha replied.

"As long as you make it a double, I do not care." Cora looked at Sorcha.

"I will have my break in about five minutes, we will get a table and eat something."

"I do not need food, just alcohol."

"We are still getting a table."

+++

"Eat this and then you will get another glass of Whiskey." Sorcha put a plate bangers and mash in front of Cora, while sitting down opposite.

"I told you that I do not need food." Cora had a double tongue already.

"You definitely do, and I can promise you that the bar staff will not pour you more alcohol before you finish this plate."

Cora sulkily scooped some of the mash on her fork and took a bite. Then she noticed she was actually very hungry and emptied her plate without realising it.

"Now, do you want to tell me what is wrong? Or are we going to sulk the whole evening and just get drunk."

"I say the latter." Cora pushed her glass towards Sorcha. "You promised another Whiskey if I ate."

Sorcha gestured towards the bar and then turned to Cora again. "What has Robert done?"

"I thought he had chosen me, but clearly I was mistaken. His stupid house and family will always come first. He will never choose me."

Sorcha let her rant for a while but then said softly. "He did travel to the USA to find you and bring you back."

Cora snorted. "I bet he regrets that now. You know, I just do not understand why he wanted to marry me and buy a house together."

"It cannot be that bad. He loves you; I am sure of that."

"Not as much as he loves Downton." Cora pushed her empty glass towards Sorcha again, who ordered another drink. "He does not care that I cannot have children, he does not even make time to go with me for tests. I think that he is fine with not having children with me."

"Are you?" Sorcha contemplated how to ask this question.

"No, I am not pregnant, and I will probably never be. If I could have children, I would have been pregnant by now. No, it is not something my body can do. And since Robert does not care about it and will go to Downton, we will never find out what is wrong." She picked up the glass that was brought and emptied it, in one gulp.

"Cora, you should go home and talk to Robert."

"I am not going home; I want another drink."

"That is not one of your options, we will not serve you more alcohol tonight."

"Oke." Cora got up from her chair so suddenly, that she had to grab the table. "I will get my drinks somewhere else. " It was not easy, but Cora managed to get money out of her wallet, left some notes on the bar and walked outside.

Sorcha saw Cora go into the pub next door. She could not do anything, but she texted Robert, where Cora was and told him that she had some alcohol. She herself had to go back to her shift.

+++

"Can I have what she is having?"

Cora looked up from her glass, she knew that voice. She saw a tall woman next to her, with long red-blond curls, a slim figure, but very regale in posture. "Why are you here?" She managed to get out.

Rosamund gave her a soft smile. "Can a lady not have a drink in a random pub?"

"I know that I am drunk. But I am still aware that you do not live in this area of the city."

"I came to take you home." Rosamund answered.

"That is not necessary, I am perfectly capable to take care of myself."

"I know, but still, I would like to take you home."

"Rosamund, I do not know how Robert knew I was here, but you can tell him that I am not coming home tonight."

"Sorcha texted Robert and he asked me to go and look for you. And I do not think you should stay away. Go home, have a good sleep and then in the morning you two can talk."

"He wants to go to Downton, and it does not matter what we had planned, it all does not matter, because he is needed at Downton. Well, you can tell him that he can go, I do not care."

"Cora." Rosamund put her hand on Cora’s. "He does not want to go, but he has to go."

"Of course you will say that. It is your home too and I could have known you would choose your brother's side." She felt tears sting.

"I do not see Downton as my home. My home is here in London. Robert would preferably stay here in London too, but he has his duties and unfortunately, he cannot step away from them. Cora, I do not know what is wrong between you and Robert, I only know he is head over heels in love with you and would never want to hurt you. Please let me bring you home."

"Why does he have to go now? It took weeks before we finally got our hospital dates and now, we have to reschedule."

"I do not know why you have these appointments, but I am sure Robert will come with you to them. He will be sure of that."

"He wants Dr Clarkson so do the tests."

"Can you tell me why you need to go to the hospital? What kind of tests do you need?"

Cora could not keep her tears back anymore. Her cheeks got wet from the streaming tears. "I think I am infertile."

"Oh, my dear." Rosamund got up and wrapped her arms around Cora. "I am so sorry."

"Do you think Dr Clarkson is knowledgeable on this subject?" Cora asked.

"No, not Dr Clarkson himself. But he has a team, and I am sure he has the right expertise at his hospital."

Cora got up from her barstool, she almost lost her balance, but Rosamund grabbed her arm. "Can you bring me home?"

#cora crawley #downton abbey #robert crawley #downton #fanfiction #cobert

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sorrygotthesesacks · 1 year ago

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Response to fic request (Malleus, Idia)

For @moody-b1tch, the only person who responded to my "give me two characters and I'll write a few lines of dialogue" invitation.

Which is probably a good thing, because this is ... I don't even know what this is.

Characters: Malleus, Idia, with extra bonus prompt: water

Which is included...metaphorically, I guess.

As usual, this kinda got away from me. Don't think it's good enough to post on AO3 - it's hardly good enough to post here on Tumblr - but it's 1221 words and I do love when the word count is a fun number like that.

Also: TIL that Tumblr has a limit of 30 tags per post. How did I learn this? No reason in particular.

Also also: It used to be 1221 words and then I panicked and rewrote some of it.

“Sometimes it’s better to forget. Pretend it never happened.”

“Is that how you truly feel, Shroud?”

“Gah! You look like you’re ready to incinerate me! Not that I think you’re gonna go all OP again. … Uh, you’re not, right?”

“It would be foolish to repeat such folly. Surely you, of all people, can agree.”

“Of course I agree! I’m just like. Not used to this heart-to-heart protag chat. I’m not some shounen manga hero with an 'I'm-all-fired-up!' speech, and even if I was, it’d be pretty cringe coming from me. Your guards are good at that sorta thing. Especially the big guy. He seriously likes to talk! Or Silver. He’s got that intense princely vibe.”

“Silver and Sebek have had much to say, but it is your thoughts that I am most interested in hearing.”

“Because I’m one of the SSR level problem children? You could talk to anyone else about this! Leona, he was big mad. Your guards were there; they can vouch. Or Riddle! That hothead was the first. He probably has some S tier thoughts on his experience.”

“SSR…? Shroud, I am interested in your thoughts. You hold the power to enter the underworld. To speak with those who have crossed to the other side.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I can open the gate, but that was a one-time thing, going down there. You saw how that turned out.”

“I did not. I was at Night Raven College, if you recall.”

“Of course you were here. After you went all berserker mode, I don’t think Charon would’ve been enough to get you to the Island of Woe.”

“You could have simply invited me.”

“Invite the great and powerful Malleus to play a sim game? Are you for real?”

“I am quite real.”

“That’s not - yeah, okay. Anyway, it’s more like a curse, the gate opening thing, and not Pumpkin Knight level cool.”

“Is it not? Shoenheit, Rosehearts, and Kingscholar all mentioned that the closer one travels to Tartarus, the colder it gets.”

“I meant it wasn’t exactly fire. Not like … dragon fire, fire. I mean, it’s not…”

“Shroud. I am merely teasing. Is that not what friends do? Lilia and the Child of Man assure me that it is.”

“Friends?”

“We have spent time together. We have shared experiences. Are you telling me that is not common with friends?”

“You sound like Ortho.”

“Your sibling is wise indeed. I understand that it was he who prevented you from using your River Lethe. Come now, Shroud, surely you can agree that at least some of those memories were to be cherished.”

(Eep! Is he serious? Even if I had an IRL trap card to flip this, could I even use one against someone as OP as him?)

“Shroud, are you unwell?”

“I’m f-fine! HP is at max. Wait, what are you doing?”

“Calling Lilia so that he may assist me in translating.”

(Gah, is he really using a synchro summon?) “You don’t need to do that!”

“It appears I cannot. My phone screen is blank. Lilia will be rather cross.”

“Your phone’s broken?”

“It happens frequently. Lilia has told me many times to be careful. My lightning has broken several phones just this semester alone.”

“I, uh, can fix it.”

“You would do that?”

“Hee hee. It just needs to withstand high electrical input. EZ PZ.”

“Lemon squeezy.”

(Did he seriously just say ‘lemon squeezy?’)

“Shroud?”

“EEP! I mean, I was just surprised to hear you say that.”

“Is that not how it goes?”

“No! You got it right! It’s just weird hearing it from the Malleus Draconia.”

“Why is that?”

“It just is! Let me see your phone. I mean, if you trust me with it.”

“Here. You cannot possibly damage it more than I have.”

“How old is this phone? I haven’t seen one of these since pre-5G.”

“Can you repair it?”

“Of course I can fix it, but it needs a serious upgrade.”

“What would you like in exchange?”

“Huh? You don’t have to give me anything!”

“Of course. Because we we are friends.”

“No, we're not!"

“Is there something about myself that causes you hesitation?”

“It’s not that. It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I, too, would like everyone to forget what happened. What I did. The lengths to which I went in order to selfishly hold on to something - to someone - who is dear to me.”

“Where is all this heart-to-heart coming from?”

“If we are to be friends, we should be honest with one another. I have learned that by watching Lilia with Diamond and Al-Asim, and by listening to Silver and Sebek. It is not an easy thing, but I must start somewhere.”

“Why are you starting with me?”

“Because we have a shared experience. This ‘SRR problem child’ status.”

“SSR.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Ah, the uh, it’s SSR, not SRR. It stands for Super Super Rare.”

“That makes what we share uncommon.”

“Yeah, you, me, and five other people. Uh, here’s your phone.”

“You are done with it already?”

“I couldn’t upgrade it more with what I have here, but the screen is fixed, and it has lightning fast internet speed. No pun intended!”

“You do get so easily flustered around me. You are an interesting man, Shroud. Oh, I see Lilia has been trying to reach me. We must do this again.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Until we meet again.”

“Yeah, kthxbai.”

“Idia? Was that Malleus Draconia who just disappeared into thin air?”

“Hey, Ortho. Yeah.”

“You have made another new friend!”

“We’re not friends! My HP is critically low after that.”

“Your heart rate is accelerated, but the rest of your vital signs are within normal ranges. And I clearly heard Malleus Draconia state that you are friends!”

“I know you mean well, Ortho, but-”

“I think he needs a friend, too.”

“Malleus Draconia? Needing a friend?”

“We have spent time together. We have shared experiences. This ‘SRR problem child’ status.”

“Idia?”

“Yeah, Ortho?”

“You’re smiling.”

“I was just thinking about the new volume of the Mew Mew Chronicles manga!”

“Yes, I remember. It arrived in the mail just this morning.”

“So of course I’m excited. It’s the only good thing that’s happened since all of this started. I’m, uh, going to the store to pick up some snacks, if you want to go with me.”

(Your heart rate and eye movement tell me otherwise, Big Brother, but I am happy to see you happy.) “Of course! I’m interested in seeing the ingredients in this new mystery flavored fruit twist that Ace Trappola and Deuce Spade were arguing over.”

“It can’t be worse than last year’s pineapple-lemon-licorice mystery flavor.”

Ortho remembered that. It had been very popular the first two weeks, with numerous reactions posted to Magicam. After that, the only person purchasing it had been Lilia Vanrouge. His eyes lit up.

“You should buy some for Malleus Draconia and Lilia Vanrouge! And Silver and Sebek Zigvolt, too! And Cater Diamond, and Rook Hunt, and…”

By the time they were done, they’d purchased a mystery flavored candy twist for all of the third year students, all of the housewardens, plus Silver and Sebek Zigvolt, Ace Trappola and Deuce Spade, the Ramshackle prefect, and Grim (especially Grim).

Ortho’s analysis of the candy indicated the primary flavors were seaweed and cinnamon, and he could hardly wait to see everyone’s reactions.

Everyone's, but especially Idia’s newest friend, Malleus Draconia.

#twst fanfic #sorta #it's lines of dialogue #but a lot of lines of dialogue #and three not-dialogue paragraphs at the end #I tried #Idia Shroud is really really hard to write #Malleus isn't exactly easy but sooo much easier than Idia #idia shroud #malleus draconia #fic prompt #it's not even Halloween themed #missed opportunity right there #don't hate me #this may be the worst thing I've ever written #and that's saying something #not even in a funny way #because I don't know if you know this but I'm hilarious #except not this time #oh no I hear trick or treaters outside and I have like zero candy #which has nothing to do with this not-fic thing #but I still feel really bad about it #so now that's two terrible crimes I've committed on Halloween #this may be one of those posts where I quietly delete it after giving it way too much thought #I am a tweet-and-delete kinda person on That Other App #although tbf I have more reason to be over there #still though I am already overthinking the wisdom of letting this see the light of day #it may still make it to AO3 at some point #Happy Halloween everyone

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ed-recovery-affirmations · 8 months ago

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sometimes it feels like I was not, am not, and never will be sick enough to actually talk about certain habits like actually have an eating disorder. obviously, I recognize that I use to be a lot worse than I am now, but because of that it's like all my support backed off as soon as they saw I was relatively better.

don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for all their love that they gave me when I was worse and reallyyy needed it, but now it kind of feels as if I need to be that bad again for anyone to care. for example,

I don't restrict as much like I use to.

I don't have as many bad habits (weighing myself, harming places where I felt I was fat, etc)

working out excessively

and more

but the thoughts and voices and urges just keep coming back. sometimes I act on them and then I'm guilty, so I eat, but then I'm even more guilty, so I don't, and the whole cycle continues. I'm scared that if I tell my support I feel as though I'm about to seriously relapse, they won't take it seriously enough.

I don't want to be as sick as I was several years ago for anyone to start to care.

I'm sorry you feel this way. You're definitely not alone. Eating disorders often come with a lot of shame as well as a "competitive side" for who can be the sickest. If something's telling you you're not "sick enough" in your eating disorder, consider that it could be your disorder itself talking. And I'm sorry your supports stopped as soon as you seemed surface-level well again.

While this may make you feel alone, I think people don't mean to leave you unsupported. Sometimes people get overwhelmed or busy and they overlook all but the most obvious signs of unwellness. I wonder if you could help people support you better by saying "hey, things aren't as bad as they once were, but if you're able, I feel like I could still use a few supports." Perhaps you could make a list in advance of what supports for you might look like at this stage. Perhaps focus on things that are not eating-disorder-related that make you feel cared about and included, so that you feel less of that "I need to be sick to be cared about" urge.

I don't necessarily think it's that people don't care, but more that they may not be adept at noticing what you need when signs are subtle. What would be a healthy way of seeking this connection? That's something to think about. Often people want to be helpful but may not know how when it's not spelled out for them, since each individual is so unique in their needs.

I mean, it's important to know that you're not alone in this struggle. Lots of people who are well into ED recovery still feel urges to relapse (including me.) This counts as a symptom and you are allowed to acknowledge about it, and talk about it to your supports. In fact, I think this is beneficial. From the way you worded this it sounds like you already know this, but I think it bears repeating to affirm: you don't need to be "sick enough" to deserve help. You are worthy and deserving of prevention. You don't have to earn this by showing sickness. You don't have to put yourself through the ordeal of getting worse. You count.

#ed recovery #self care #support seeking #affirmations

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swampstew · 4 months ago

Text

What's the Magic Word?

Chapter 17: A New Crew Member! Kid tries (and fails) at poetry. I used to feel soooo cringe when re-reading these chapters thinking I wrote Kid so OOC as lovestruck, thinking about kids(hah) and marriage this early in a story but after that SBS I feel validated. Eat my disgustingly fluffy sappy love pancakes.

As the pirates sailed in search of a new island, Kid spent several days taking care of Rowena. She had become ill after the operation; he didn’t want to leave her side for a second but she would push him away, “go on Captain Kid, they need you,” she would smile at him through her discomfort.

It wasn’t until the fifth day post op that she was finally feeling better, no longer cramping or feelings of unwellness. She took a long, hot shower and got dressed, hoping to make herself a snack. Rowena was walking out the door when she was brought back inside by Kid who picked her up and began kissing her, cleverly distracting her as he sat her back in bed.

“But I feel better and I’m hungry!” she pouted at him. He pointed to the door that led directly to the pantry with his eyebrow cocked. “Ok I wanted to do some gardening and walking around, sue me.”

He chuckled, pulling her into his lap. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“Tough shit, you’re the one who wants to marry me.” He gently bit her neck.

“Your ring doesn’t fit me, I need something to hang it on, I don’t want to misplace it.” He procured a gold chain from his pocket. “Ahh Kid did you learn how to read my mind?” she eyed him, taking the chain.

“Lucky guess,” he smirked. He watched as she looped the chain around the band to keep it from sliding. He took it from her hands and secured it around her neck, softly kissing her nape. She shivered.

“Does this mean you’ve accepted?”

“This means I am seriously considering it and leaning heavily in your favor, for now,” she gave him a sly grin.

“Good enough for me,” he kissed her. “I want you to take one more day of rest before you do anything.” She began to protest but he gave her a look.

“Fine ok. But I’m bored.”

“Watch me tinker with shit, I can show you the little robot I’ve been working on and off,” he tugged on her hand. They spent time together until dinner when he left to bring them back some food. She walked to her vanity and pulled out her family photo, looking at her mother’s face. Sighing, she sat down and undraped the crystal ball that sat there. She placed her hands over it and began to concentrate.

“I explicitly said to take the day off,” he growled at her as he walked in. She lowered her hands and covered the orb, grinning sheepishly. Kid walked up to her, hand in her hair as he looked over her family photo. He stuck it on the mirror and led her to the food. They ate in silence, Kid observed Rowena as she ate bits of food, pushing the rest around.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m nervous about creating a stable, long-distance marriage, aren’t you? When my two years are up, I fully intend to rejoin my crew and continue our quest and I’m not sure how you’re going to handle it.” She fiddled with the ring nervously.

Kid dropped his fork on the plate, glaring at it. “Do you have to? I thought that by accepting, you were telling me you want to stay.”

“I didn’t accept yet. I want both but I know that’s selfish.”

“Statement of the year,” he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t sass me. You and I both knew that I had a time limit here. I don’t regret the things that have happened that led us to this moment. I’m happy, don’t think I’m not. But I’m still a Straw Hat Pirate.”

“What do you want from me? Do you want me to build a huge castle so both our crews can live happily ever after? Straw Hat and me, we’re rivals.”

“Could you?” he cocked an eyebrow at her. “Build a huge castle for all of us to live in?”

“I don’t want to.”

Rowena sighed. “What’s happening to the area that once belonged to Whitebeard?”

“Blackbeard took it over, it’s a mess over there. Why?”

Tapping her nails on the table, “I just…was thinking…you mentioned a base for the crew, but like…what if we all worked together and take over a bunch of territories. They don’t even have to be that close to each other. Or maybe a mega-island that we could share, we’d each have our own ports and facilities.”

“I don’t do pirate alliances,” he said through gritted teeth, starting to get mad.

“Isn’t marriage a type of alliance?”

Kid slammed his hand on the table. “I’m done talking about this. I’m not teaming up with your Captain, end of story.” She frowned at him, putting her fork down. “You can glare at me all you want; my answer is not changing.”

“I’m not glaring at you. I am wondering why you’re being so stubborn. I’m not saying team up with us, I’m saying build me an island castle next door to their island castle. Don’t think I haven’t overheard Killer suggesting alliances with you either by the way.”

“And like I tell him, over and over and OVER again, I don’t team up with other pirates.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re a bunch of pirates! Can’t trust any one of them.”

“I trust you. And Killer, and your crew. Rayleigh and Luffy trust you to keep me safe. Don’t you trust me?”

“Princess, you’re barely a pirate.”

Now she was glaring at him, “don’t patronize me, Kid. Don’t deflect the question either.”

Kid groaned, pushing his plate aside. “Of course I trust you but you’re not like everyone else. I don’t trust any of the others from the Worst Generation.”

“I’m not telling you to trust anyone else but I want you to give my crew a chance. Like it or not, I want to be with them and go on fun adventures. I’m enjoying that with you now but I just want a relationship with you. We, we’re not bad people to be around. We do the same things you do: we party, we rob, we fight, we kill Marines, and sometimes we save people. You could do worse.”

Kid stood up and went to his desk, shuffling papers. Rowena fiddled with her chain quietly, taking bites from her food occasionally.

“I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear. It’s the only common ground I can think of that would make this work for me. Unless you have any solutions?” He grunted at her.

“Oooooh-kay guess I’ll fuck off then.” She picked up her crystal ball and headed to the dinosaur mouth.

She sat on the floor listening to the ocean waves slapping the hull. Rowena pulled a joint from her bag and lit up. She took a deep drag and set the crystal ball up. She put her hands just above the orb and tried to clear her thoughts, humming to herself and gently letting her fingers brush against the glass. After a few minutes she opened her eyes, frowning when she saw nothing happening.

Concentrating her energy, she repeated the process. Still nothing. She sighed in frustration. Reaching into her waist bag, she rummaged around, joint hanging on her lip as she whipped out a small booklet, slapping the cover with her fingers in glee. After reading the first few pages she let out a loud “FUCK!” Crystal ball needed to be charged before use.

Rowena finished the joint and laid on the floor, toying with the chain. She sighed, “what the fuck was I thinking?”

Did she really think she could convince Eustass Kid to become friends with her friends? Was she really that starved for affection to try and have a relationship, whole ass marriage with her Captain’s rival? Did he truly not understand how courtships and relationships worked? Did she? If not, was he relying on her cues to verify what he’s doing is right?

Fuck I thought that’s what Killer is for, to raise him or something. I don’t know shit about relationships, I wish I had someone to talk to. Her thoughts spiraled.

That was how Kid found her after an hour of space. He sat down next to her as she lit up another joint.

“Am I making you anxious?” he asked quietly.

“A little,” she coughed. She held it up for him and he took a few drags. She twiddled with the gold chain.

“Was this one of your impulsive decisions? This is why people shouldn’t rush into a marriage because of an accident.” she held up the ring.

“No.” She cocked her eyebrow at him. “I meant what I said that day at the doctors – I want you or nothing at all.”

“Then I think we should figure out some boundaries or something.”

“Why can’t you just stay with me?”

“And why can’t you just entertain my idea?”

“Because I want you, not them. They don’t make me happy; you do.”

“Kid, I’m not responsible for your feelings. I don’t exist to entertain you or be at your beck and call whenever you need emotional support. I’m not your servant.”

“I don’t think of you like that!! Ugh I can’t believe I have to do this.” Kid turned bright red as he spoke.

“Rowena…you’re like the last island in the center of the fucking sea in the middle of a raging storm. I’m trying to reach your shores but the current keeps working against me. I want to dock and fall to the sand and kiss the earth. I want to drink your water and eat your fruit and make my home in your-” she held up a hand at him.

“Now it sounds like you’re trying to colonize or otherwise exploit me. I’m not an island, I’m a person.” Kid growled in frustration, head in hands. Rowena took another drag of the joint; she reached up to take the necklace off but he grabbed her hand.

“I think you need to reflect on what you think a marriage is, and if I’m the person you can realistically marry.”

“Don’t.”

“Can you name three, no five reasons, why you want to marry me that don’t include me getting knocked up or using my power to further your gain?”

He was silent, hogging her joint as he contemplated her question. She pulled a third joint from her bag and lit it. She began flexing her hands in the air and drew a ball of water to her hands.

She spun it rapidly, then her hands began pulling apart; a line of salt began to form into a sphere in her right hand, the cloudy ball of water staying in the other. She brought the water sphere to her mouth and drank it, grimacing at the taste. “Ew, big mistake.”

Kid finished his joint and tossed the dying roach into the sea.

“I want to marry you because you’re the single greatest joy in my life that I haven’t tainted or taken by force and you are so giving to a wretch like me. I want to make you my wife because I think your strength and your compassion keep you humble and humane – and you accept me as I am, though you do try to encourage me to be more humane.”

“Your beauty makes everyone else seem pale in comparison; maybe its selfish to marry you to keep you to myself but I’m not going to apologize for wanting you or loving you. You enrich every corner in my life, whether we’re just hanging out, planning schemes, or building things. I want you to be there for all of it because I think without you it will never be the same, it will all feel so plain; so I want to marry you because I want to do everything with you, sue me. I want to marry you because it’s an enticing adventure and I’m a pirate, I will always choose adventure and treasure. Do you believe me?”

She turned her body towards him, eyes wide and glassy, staring at him. “I believe you. I just want to know that you’ll be ok when I leave. Because I am leaving. I deeply care about you Kid. I want to entertain this idea – I do want it, but I just feel like it’s a fleeting fantasy.”

“Why are you so loyal to them, to Monkey D. Luffy?”

“I told you, he saved me. They showed me friendship and joy when I had absolutely nothing left to believe in. They would do anything it takes to help each other achieve our dreams as we travel together. We’re an honest to god family. I love being a part of that. I can’t give that up.”

“I can give you a family,” he reached out to place a hand on her stomach before slowly withdrawing. “My crew can be your family.”

“One day maybe but that has to wait. I’ve been a prisoner for so long and I’m not going to restrict my new freedom now. Your crew is full of eccentric and chaotic pirates and I adore them to death, I really do. I want to travel the world with my friends. I want to explore a relationship with you and if that leads to marriage with a mutual understanding that we’re both happy with, then I want that too. Please don’t trap me, Kid. That would break my heart.”

He laid on the ground with her, cupping her face. “I don’t want that, Rowena.”

“Then work with me.”

“I’ll think about it, that’s all I’ll commit to right now.” She reached her hand behind her neck again, but he touched the ring against her chest, pressing it into her skin gently.

“Keep it. You took it for a reason, a part of you wants this too. If you’re willing to take a chance on a bastard like me, wear that for me. It’ll be like a promise; that you’re taking a chance on me, and if there ever comes a day where you aren’t 100% willing to tolerate my bullshit anymore, then give it back to me. I hope you come to me and let me know if I’m doing anything that makes you start to hate me; I don’t want you to hate me, I want you to…to love m-me,” he stuttered trying to get that last bit of sentiment out. Even though he was stoned and feeling vulnerable, the words still sounded so foreign to him said aloud; goddamn he just wanted the Witch to feel that way about him.

Rowena held her hand over his, turning her face and kissing his palm. “I think I’m starting to. It scares me a little. I don’t want to give you false expectations and then you hate me when I can’t deliver. I want you to want me for me, to love me and have fun with me.”

“I already do.”

“I still think we rushed into this.”

“I know but you’re wrong,” he smirked, leaning in to kiss her. “Let’s go inside; I’m starting to feel heavy. Dibs on the table scraps.”

𓏧 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓋒 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏧

In the early afternoon, Killer spotted an island and called out to Kid. They turned the ship towards the land. As they docked, they noticed a tortoiseshell cat on the pier. Rowena bent down to let it sniff her hand, the cat sniffed at her and batted her fingers. As they walked up the beach, they noticed many cats lounging in the sand and in the tree line.

There was no formal community on the island, just a shit load of cats. The crew began chopping down wood and collecting fresh spring water; a small squad went hunting for game. The tortoiseshell had stayed on the pier when Rowena and Kid came back from their tour. It trotted towards the Witch and stretched in front of her, raising a paw at her shin.

“You’re a little cutie pie” she squealed.

The cat stared at her and a strange look came over Rowena. “Uhh…say again?” The cat blinked. “Huh, ok.” She turned to look at Kid who looked confused at the one-sided exchange. “So, this cat says she’ll take care of the rat problem if we let her hitch a ride.”

“What?” Meeeiiiiow.

“She says in exchange for killing your rats, she wants you to take her on the ship.”

“Are you telling me you can talk to this cat?”

“It would appear so. She is literally speaking into my mind.”

“Tell her we don’t have a rat problem and we’re not hiring.”

The cat made a low growl sound, tail bristling. She walked up to Rowena and rubbed up on her. “She said you’re clearly too emotional to make decisions and she’ll speak with me instead. Also, she can understand us just fine.”

“We don’t have rats,” Kid snapped.

“Yeah we do,” Wire said coming up with a pile of wood strapped to his back and a stack in his arms. The crew piped up agreements.

“What the fuck! Why are there rats on my ship? Who is letting rats on my ship?!”

Killer walked up, “Kid, every time you flex your powers you set the traps off leaving them ineffective.”

“Then use poison!”

“We’re in a confined space!”

MEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW the cat was pacing between Kid and Killer. Kid looked to Rowena.

“She said she won’t even ask you for pets or scratches, final offer.” Kid gave her a face. “Sorry Kid, you got rats. A cat is literally offering herself up on a silver platter.”

Throwing his head back and growling in frustration he stalked back to the ship, “Fine whatever but I’m not picking it’s shit up!”

The cat rubbed between Heat’s legs the most, making trilling noises at him. Heat looked at Rowena, “she said you can clean her box. She also said she’ll be sleeping with you; you have the warmest aura in the crew.”

Heat leaned down and pet the cat, who melted into a puddle on the ground. The crew crowded and took turns doting, Rowena laughing at them cooing after the feline as she boarded the ship.

The sun was beginning to set so she went to the kitchen and made dinner for the crew. She brought the stew to a simmer and went to pick up her crystal ball from the ship figurehead where she had set it to charge. She carried it to Kid’s room and set it on her vanity, covering it. Kid came out of the bathroom; he draped his arms over her pulling her in for a kiss.

“Dinner’s ready, babe,” pulling him along.

The crew drank and ate together, chattering about the new cat. The cat to its credit, quickly caught her dinner and presented three fat rats to Kid’s feet, meowing at him. He didn’t need Rowena to tell him the message, he got it loud and clear.

The pirates reminisced of beloved pets long gone and some got a little weepier than Kid expected. The mood was getting brought down so he slammed his cup to the table, demanding attention.

“Go upstairs and party you sad fucks.”

Whooping and cheering erupted as the crew scrambled outside, rolling kegs topside.

Read on AO3

#eustass kid #eustass kid x rowena #what's the magic word?#eustasscaptainkid #one piece fanfiction #one piece #kid pirates #eustass kid x oc #firstmatesimp #rowena the witch #ao3 writer #eustass captain kid #raven's reading nook #ao3 fanfic #ao3 works

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remyfire · 10 months ago

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Okay but BJ/Hawkeye/Sidney is such a good rare ship! One of the first MASH fics I read was for that OT3 before I even met 2/3 characters involved but GOD was it written so well and reminded me of another OT3 very close to my heart so I just sort of latched on lmao. And frankly it's tragic BJ never had any sessions with Sidney, because he definitely needed it. The man seriously struggled being away from home, let us see him deal with it in a healthy way!

Also aaaaaAHHHH I just watched An Eye for a Tooth and it was so good! I am so fond of Margaret and Hawkeye's friendship and this was such a good episode for that, and it was so nice to see a bit more of Margaret and BJ's friendship as well. It was such a delightful episode to watch all around, I loved all the silly pranks, and the way they all worked together at the end to mess with Charles because of COURSE they figured out he was behind it all, they're truly unstoppable when they put their heads together. And the subplot of Mulcahy wanting that promotion was great too, I always love seeing more Mulcahy storylines and just as much as I can get of him being an absolute sweetheart.

Also I'm complete garbage and relished in every one of the several shower scenes in this episode because mmmmm b o y s

I wish you could see me irl because I just chinhandsed when you said that was one of the first fics you read because I'm imagining that was Flootz's. Flootz, zir impact continues to be so widely spread and appreciated, god bles.

Honestly that's part of what I love so much about the Sidney and BJ dynamic, like, it is so underexplored, and you can easily say that it's because BJ is avoiding being alone with him to be analyzed, and that makes them so so much fun to write together. Just these extreme depths of potential, all the hidden secrets that can be dredged up, all the things BJ didn't actually realize that he buries. It gets me. I need a million more fics about them even if I have to write them all my damn self.

Eye for a Tooth is so much. It's so much. I'm not normal about it. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not normal about it because the overwhelming majority of people that I know saw That Moment with BJ and Margaret as something unsettling and frightening, and something is probably wrong with me as a person because I Was Not Unsettled At All. Maybe it was because I could tell from the moment that the scene started that something was in the water, so I wasn't actually surprised when it hit, but A, it gave me great characterization and sad-past fodder for young BJ, and B, the hand-holding. The hand-holding, anon. idk if you noted it but in the aftermath, BJ and Margaret are just holding hands literally the entire time until he helps her back to her feet, and it makes me goddamn tender every time. Even then, he is trying to comfort her! Even then, he's holding that lifeline so she can remember the Truth of what just happened! I'm unwell about it! That moment alone takes anything potentially frightening about that scene and obliterates it for me because that. One. Lingering. Handhold. Tells me that even before the scene began, BJ needed her to know that she was safe.

Don't look at me, I'm fine, and I'm very normal about them, don't listen to what anyone else tells you—

The Mulcahy subplot is so interesting to me because I understand him craving recognition because it is a long-running theme that Mulcahy doesn't think he's doing any good on the ground, but I would've loved to see them lean into a conflict inside of him, that he's seeking worldly favor over spiritual fulfillment, that sort of thing? It's probably the ex-evangelical in me but there would've been something so satisfying about him having to actually grapple with the fact that he is basically willfully going against his God-given directive of humility and caretaking through his pursuit of higher rank, higher pay, literally demanding these things from time to time. Very camel through the eye of a needle, right?

That's actually part of the reason I haven't done much with Mulcahy yet in my fics. I know I'm gonna want to dig into that with him but I also know it's going to necessitate a deep dive, and once I start getting into his head, I am not coming out for a very long time fhsdkfd I just really wanna bring these desires of his full circle.

(also the shower scenes are hot as hell and the chopper pilot wanted to blow Mulcahy's back out, I know this in my heart)

#this got much longer than i ended please excuse me #i have a lot more thoughts but i am continuing to try and be normal #and not be the guy who has published roughly 70% of the margaret and bj ship fics on ao3 #and not the guy who wants to rip mulcahy's faith away from him as painfully as possible rather than just the priesthood #these are not popular views i don't think fhkdfds #long post #my ramblings

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sourdough-morbread · 1 year ago

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No pressure but could we get some excerpts/thoughts about master, king, star 😔🤲

OMG HI HELLO! yes OF COURSE you can have all the excerpts! thank you so much for letting me giving me a reason to anon i love you im going to cry. im. hyperfntilating seriously this ask made me so happy! i was having a very hectic week.

I don't really know how to organise this so I apologise in advance that this is going to be a bit all over the place. I think I should start with some stuff about the upcoming chapter because it has been a stupid amount of time since chapter 2. This is the header on my draft on ao3:

Chapter 3: Whose Loss Is It Anyway? (The Bet I) Summary:

Among the mages of Daeho, lost friendships are plentiful, and they all suck at talking to each other.

There's a lot that's going to happen. There's going to be some Seo Yul and more of Heo Yun-ok. And there isn't a lot of time I can breeze through like chapter 2 with the ten day time skip. I'm also setting up some stuff with Heo Yun-ok and how energy works for building out detail in what's going on with Jin Bu-yeon and Cho Yeong later. All of that has to go into the chapter somehow without making it a disjointed slog to read. Its going to be a long one. I'm guessing over 10k. Could be 12k. I don't know. It feels like it's too long but I also have no idea what to cut out.

But anyway! Here's some of what's coming:

"Your Highness," he greets after coming just close enough for the jade to stop nudging at his heart and puts it away. "Jang Uk," says the prince, and does the same with a severe look to his face, just like the one he had in Cheonbugwan. Then he spots the sword in Jang Uk's hand, "Why do you have that with you?" "You called me here at the dead of morning," he states the obvious, "I didn't know what I was going to be walking into." "Were you concerned I was in danger?" he asks, disbelief replacing his severity and scoffs a laugh, "Did you come here to defend me?" He looks so pleased with himself. Like a peacock admiring his own tail feathers. How obnoxious. "I just came prepared." The Crown Prince continues his evaluation, trailing his eyes up and down Jang Uk. Without the jade interfering with his emotions, he is quickly growing very upset about the flippant manner with which he is being made into entertainment. "You look so conspicuous," the prince says with a scoff of laughter. … He can't believe he let himself be concerned over the Crown Prince, of all people!

Go Won and his problems with socialising make me giggle so much. He just HAS to comment on Jang Uk's dishevelled clothes. Just like he HAS to say Mu-deok definitely will lose the race or fail the exam. He has no idea what encouragement is, just like Mu-deok, because they were both traumatised by the same person.

Honestly, the similarities between Mu-deok and Go Won are just… I am unwell about them. They both compensate for feeling affection and compassion by being mean or immediately criticising whatever is going on. And anything real has to have a hurtful side to it to them. If its not mean, it feels like its a lie. Because the only positive feedback they got was cruel and reinforced that they were disposable.

For Go Won it looks like him randomly insulting people when he's trying to make friends and feeling like he has to defend his position as the Crown Prince constantly. For Mu-deok it's her insanely blunt feedback and interpreting affection as a danger to herself. Her own well being is not even a factor in her decisions. Both of which makes them so easy to manipulate and use.

At the point Master, Star, King picks up the story, Mu-deok has moved away from this somewhat, but Go Won still has a long way to go. He will get there, but it's not going to be easy.

Speaking of Go Won and Mu-deok, here's a bit of them talking coming up in chapter 3:

"Have…" she scoots closer, with a dramatic glance at the door, then puts one knee on the floor and leans over the other towards him, "Have you noticed anything else strange like that, Your Highness?" she asks in a half whisper. It's just the right mix of nervous and fascinated, as if there is no ulterior motive to this at all. Just a silly question from a silly maid to serve her own morbid curiosity. He raises a knowing eyebrow at her, "Worried for your Young Master, are you?" Her eyes grow wide and she nods, "Oh, yes, I am, Your Highness! I knew would understand," she said and sighs in seeming relief, "That's why I am asking you. If anything amiss was going on, you would be sure to pick up on it." "Of course I would have," he says, his tone even and guarded, "I'm the Crown Prince." Her focus locks on him, eyes razor sharp. He can imagine them glint like a sword in the sunlight moving into position, but she masks it with her signature kowtowing, "So you did notice something weird!"

He's trying to out-conversation Mu-deok as if that can ever happen. This part is subject to change becasue there is somethig off about this scene in particular, but the dialogue will probably stay the same.

I have other parts from chapter 3, but they are subject to major editing, or huge plot spoilers. The general flow of this I've had worked out since posting the previous chapter but it takes a while for me to be happy with it. That's why it takes me so long to post anything. Also right now I have a lot of IRL stuff to keep up with, that has slowed me way down. But things are starting to settle and I'm speeding up, so fingers crossed.

I don't know what else to say really. This is already way too long of a post lkfjlsdf. If you want more or anything else specific please tell me.

But I have a bit from farther down the line, when Go Won is firmly on their side and all of their feelings start getting very confusing. I've been dying to post this ever since I wrote it like months ago. So I will finish this off with that.

Go Won notices Jang Uk staring at him again, with an expression he can only describe as wonder. A slight upturn to his eyebrows, cheeks flushed from how much they have had to drink and a pout. He keeps eye contact with Jang Uk for just a little too long before looking away. It's enough to make him feel disoriented. Mu-deok is across them, trying to shake out the last little bits of alcohol from the bottle into her mouth. He feels too uneasy to draw her attention. She doesn't like this new habit of Jang Uk's. Him watching Go Won. "What is it?" "You know what you remind me of?" He stays silent. From across the table, Mu-deok sets down the bottle, frowning. "What?" "A tiger." Only after the answer sinks in does Go Won realise he had been half expecting an insult. Why was he expecting an insult from Jang Uk? That's so stupid. "A tiger?"

According to my outline this is coming up in chapter 9 (Three Seasons Worth of Welcome). I know I post very slow but this fic has a fairly detailed outline, beyond to Jang Uk and Cho Yeong getting married. And it should get easier to write the further I get, because right now I'm setting up plot threads and figuring out their pay offs in like 7 or 8 chapters later. When I get to them I will have a lot less to figure out. I will finish this fic if it's the last thing I do.

Anyway, thank you so much for giving me a reason to ramble about this on tumblr! I hope you see this and and enjoy it!

#this made me so happy #i really hope you see this anon #master star king #msk #alchemy of souls fanfiction #idk im tagging a bunch of stuff so you can find it #i always get nervous about anon asks because it doesnt let the sender know ive answered #my wrtiting

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