#no but I genuinely have been crying all day about this

[second-star-to-motunui]

It’s Going To Be Ok

✨feat. Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Kalim Al-Asim, Vil Schoenheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia✨

Summary: They found you trying to hurt yourself and stopped you. Now they’re doing their best to remind you that you aren’t alone.

reader is referred to as Yuu (they/them)

tw// self harm, eating disorders, suicide attempts

note: life hasn’t been easy lately. most of what’s written is based on personal experiences. I wrote this to comfort myself, and I hope it can bring you comfort too.

“Yuu? Are you crying? What happened—hey, hey stop that, stop doing that!”

Riddle stopped Yuu from scratching, their arms red and bleeding from their nails. He rushed them to the infirmary and it was there that they broke down and spilled everything.

Riddle didn’t know what to say in the moment, but he hugged Yuu and let them cry into his shoulder. He apologized for all the horrible things they were dealing with and swore to them that they could come to him if they needed.

He makes it a part of his routine to check on Yuu after that and provide anything they need, from assistance with studying to even just a hug.

“How has your day been? Good? I see… I bought these gloves for you. Anytime you feel like scratching just put them on, then you can’t hurt yourself. Please come to me if you feel like hurting yourself again. We can have tea and talk instead.”

“The hell? What the hell are you doing?! PUT THAT DOWN!”

Leona had come to the botanical garden for an afternoon nap when he smelled blood. He found Yuu hiding behind a tree with a switchblade. They had scars on their arms and they were about to slit their wrist before Leona caught them.

Yuu dropped the blade and burst into tears. Leona took them to his dorm room and took care of them. He was scolding them for doing something so dangerous, but it was clear that he cared and was genuinely concerned for them.

If he wasn’t already around Yuu often, he’s glued to their hip now. He’ll eat lunch with them, nap around them and wait for them outside of their classroom so he can walk with them.

“Look at me. Look at me. You are not worthless, ok? Whoever put that idea in your head, ignore them. And if there’s somebody bothering you, you better tell me and I’ll deal with it, ok? I’m here for you.”

“Yuu, I’ve been looking for… Are you alright? You’re not fine, you’re barely standing! YUU!”

Azul caught Yuu before they could collapse. He asked when they had eaten last only to learn that Yuu had been deliberately starving themself from stress.

Azul gently escorted them to Monstro Lounge to get them something to eat. He was reminded of his own struggles with eating when he was young, and he couldn’t bear to see it on Yuu now.

He sends messages to Yuu throughout the day to remind them to take care of themself. Jade and Floyd keep a close eye on Yuu too. If they get even a whiff that Yuu is falling into bad habits, then it’s off to Octavinelle for lunch.

“Angelfish, may I speak with you? Listen… I know what it’s like to hate who you see in the mirror, but trust me when I say that hurting yourself won’t make it better. If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. We can even do it over lunch if that helps.”

“Why are you crying? Was it something I said? Wait, wait, please don’t do that, please stop! I can fix this!”

Kalim doesn’t understand why, but one second he was talking to Yuu and the next they had burst into tears and started hitting themself in the head.

He stopped Yuu and hugged them tight, offering to do something fun to cheer them up. He tried dancing with them, playing a game, but nothing seemed to help. Jamil ended up having to step in.

In the end, (after a difficult conversation with Jamil) Kalim learned that the best thing he could do was let Yuu feel their feelings rather than ignore them with positivity. He doesn’t like seeing Yuu cry, but he’s more than happy to hold their hand through it.

“Hey so… Jamil said there’s something wrong in your brain that makes you sad all the time? No, no, not wrong! Uh… different? … A disorder? I see… well, if you want to talk about it I’m here to listen. Just… please don’t hit yourself like that again ok? Hit me instead! No? If you change your mind you can do it, I can take it!”

“What do you have there? Don’t try to hide it, give it here! Are you an idiot?! Don’t you realize what this is?!”

When Vil snatched the potion bottle from Yuu’s hand, he really hoped they genuinely didn’t know they were about to drink a deadly poison. Yuu began to cry and Vil’s heart broke because he realized they knew exactly what they were doing.

Vil has a long talk with Yuu about their troubles. They hated their hair, they hated their body, they hated themself. Vil takes their hands and swears to them that he’ll do whatever he can to help them. But first he has to know where they got the poison so he can assure they’ll never get their hands on another one.

Self care days become a weekly event. Light exercises, home spa days, clothes shopping, Vil will even allow himself a cheat day for desserts if it means bringing Yuu comfort.

“Oh no, have you been pulling your hair out again? It’s ok, no tears, let me see… Ah, it’s not as bad as it was last time. Don’t apologize, darling. Hair grows back. Come, let’s see how we can take care of it now and you can tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Yuu? Are you here I brought… Yuu? Oh no—hey! Wake up! Wake up! Ortho, I need help!”

Idia found Yuu unconscious on their bedroom floor, having swallowed half a bottle of pills. Together, him and Ortho get Yuu to a hospital and don’t leave their side until they awake.

Idia beats himself up so much after that because he knew Yuu was in a bad place mentally, he just never thought they’d do something so drastic. He wraps them in the biggest hug when they wake up, sobbing and apologizing and promising to be a better friend.

Yuu spends a few weeks in Ignihyde once they’re discharged from the hospital. Idia doesn’t say much, but he does watch their favorite shows and plays their favorite games with them.

“… You’re moving back to your dorm today, right? Ok… um—t-this is for you! It’s a new phone, I know the one Crowley got you sucks ass. Just… call me if something happens again. Or Ortho! We’ll be there for you ok? W-We care about you…”

“The view from here is lovely, isn’t it? You should watch your step, the fall would be quiet devastating.”

Malleus appeared at Yuu’s side before they could take another step towards the cliffs edge, holding their shoulder firmly and keeping them in place.

He talks about meaningless things for a little while before he gently holds Yuu’s hand and invites them to join him on a walk and get some ice cream. They leave together, right after Yuu has short cry in Malleus’s arms.

Malleus drops by Ramshackle every single day after that. Sometimes it’s for ice cream dates, sometimes it’s to invite them to Gargoyle Studies Club activities. Often he’ll just be there while Yuu does whatever. Yuu doesn’t know it, but Malleus waits until he knows they’re safely in bed at the end of each day before he leaves them.

“Thank you for spending time with me today. I do enjoy your company… I know human lives are rather short compared to that of a fae’s, but please don’t try to shorten it. You aren’t a burden. You’re wonderful. I’ll remind you that you’re wonderful every day if I have to. You’re very precious to me.”

[fulltimesapphic]

So I have this headcanon/kinda fic idea that after Buck and Tommy get married (and/or have their daughter) Buck gets like really had anxiety. He can barely function sometimes because he is so scared that something is going to happen. It gets bad enough that Bobby has to start making him man behind and Tommy has to be constantly checking in and calling. Everyone is obviously worried but Buck won’t talk about what’s happening. Bobby and Tommy are the only people that Buck talks to about this but even then it’s only a little bit.

Then one day the 118 are at the station, the news is playing on the tv and they see a story about a house in the same neighborhood as Buck and Tommy’s house with a truck in the living room that killed two people and injured two more. Buck has a panic attack and struggles to breathe. After it passes, with help from Bobby and Eddie, for the rest of the day Buck can’t stop shaking. When he’s packing up to leave Bobby stops him and tells him that he needs to get help. When they’re at home Buck is still shaking and is quiet, Tommy can’t get him to say a word. At some point in the night Tommy wakes up and Buck isn’t in bed next to him.

Buck is in the living room, sitting on the couch, crying. Tommy crouches near Buck and it all breaks. Evan tells Tommy all the fears he’s gained, all the terrible scenarios that have been filling his brain, he tells Tommy about the panic attacks that he’s hidden, about the ones that he hasn’t, he tells him about being scared that he’s broken. And Tommy listens. When Evan is finished, Tommy wipes away his tears, kisses his head, and leads him back to bed. The next morning Buck doesn’t get out of bed and hardly eats. The next day Buck sets an appointment with a Dr Theatt from the department.

Buck slowly starts to get better, he’s still quiet and doesn’t smile as much. But he’s starting to get better. He starts taking antidepressants and anxiety meds, he starts going out on calls again and he survives a whole shift without hearing Tommy’s voice. Dr Theatt (who prefers to be called Max) says that he’s doing better, that he’s opening up more about his fears. One day, in the final hours of a 48 hour shift, Buck leaves the bunk room and finds himself in the kitchen. Bobby is in the living area and when Buck looks lost Bobby gets up and teaches Buck to make crepes. Buck smiles, a genuine smile, he laughs too, a full body laugh that can be heard echoing all throughout the sleeping station.

Buck is starting to get better. The longer he’s taking his meds the more they work. When he’s at an appointment with Max, they ask him if he was ever diagnosed for ADHD. So he starts getting better. Eventually, he goes two months without shaking hands or shortness of breath because he starts thinking about a crashed helicopter. And then one day Tommy stops by the 118 house and sees Evan making everyone laugh and he himself is smiling while he pours the macaroni noodles in the pot of boiling water. Tommy thinks he falls in love all over again.

[butchpeace]

hi there! thank you so much for you're response to my anon ask- i was honestly expecting you to mock me and then tell me im in a cult and am bringing down other women- which is the response i usually get when trying to ask radfem blogs things- i understand why they would say this but i am asking questions genuinely. I've looked through the medical articles linked in your page, I'll be honest it is concerning but currently I am enjoying the physical and mental changes on testosterone and dont want that to stop- obviously while paying attention to my body and working with my doctor if any issues occur. i think i'll talk about doses with my doctor to understand what options i have when i want to taper off or vaguely slow down, i hope my approach to medical transition isnt seen as aggravating or flippant this is just my general philosophy about things :) i dont know i kinda feel like crying this is kinda the first radfem space i have felt safe in?

i enjoy having a deep voice- being hairy, being flat chested and these are all things women can do-- i feel that my decisions to get a mastectomy and be on hormones to achieve this shouldnt be used to kick me out of butch spaces but maybe im just being naive 🤷

A lot of radfems have that knee jerk reaction to trans identified women. Those are the kinds of people who pushed me away from radical feminism before I transitioned, so I know how that feels!

There aren’t a lot of people who both identify with radical feminism and also have the empathy and understanding needed to help us work through our gender issues. My goal is to be the person I needed back then.

My viewpoint is that people have a wide variety of different feelings about their gender, but at its core it all comes down to the same thing: The inability to accept our bodies as they are.

That’s something butch women particularly have been dealing with for a very long time. Of course butches want to be more masculine. Why wouldn’t we? We live in a patriarchy, and physical masculinity and androgyny is considered attractive in butches.

But my opinion is that accepting our bodies as they are should be the ultimate goal, and that messing with our hormonal systems and having cosmetic surgeries is objectively a negative thing. Not just because of health risks, but also because it’s a way of rejecting femaleness. I believe that all forms of rejecting the female aspects of our bodies come from misogyny. Because of that, giving in to the pressure to change our bodies isn’t a positive thing in the big picture, even if it makes us feel subjectively better about ourselves.

But I feel that way about all cosmetic surgery, including botox and all the other things women do to alter themselves. I don’t think that the way we’ve altered ourselves is any different from what they’re doing. I’m against all of it, but I don’t see us as the problem, I see patriarchy as the problem.

Whether radfems agree with it or not, the fact is that many butch women have taken hormones and have had mastectomies, and we are still women. Testosterone and mastectomies are so widespread among butch women these days that it’s kinda just part of who we are at this point. That doesn’t mean it’s a good thing or that it should be encouraged, and people have the right to criticize it. But we should be accepted.

Our appearances are altered but that doesn’t change who we are, and it doesn’t change the fact that we need community and a sense of belonging.

[macabreroni]

review i read on the offical ultrakill gabriel bodypillow

”

Laura T.

I am said friend who is delusional. Gabriel helped me through a breakup.

“I spent 3 years of my life chasing after a man, thinking he was the one. One day said man decided to break up with me. I was absolutely so distraught and falling back into him in the beginning all the time, I thought I couldn't live without my boyfriend. I was no stranger to Gabriel at the time of my breakup, but it never crossed my mind to obtain a body pillow of him. My lovely friend Charlie decided that providing the angel into my possession would boost my morale. As Charlie bought me this cover and the body pillow, I didn't think it would do all that much for me. I hid him from my parents, being embarrassed that I'd have a body pillow in my bed. To my surprise, upon his arrival everyone loved him. My cat lays near him and he is always included in every conversation I have at my bed. Upon being entertaining, Gabriel has a bunch of other qualities that I like. Gabriel is very soft and cold, perfect for when you overheat in your bed. Gabriel is also the perfect husband and friend. He will never yell at you for showing him a stupid TikTok. He never complains every either, which is wonderful. When you cry on him he will be there for you and let him lean on you. My only complaint is that he doesn't support me financially but I guess him being an angel makes up for him. I wouldn't expect Gabriel to be able to hold a 9 to 5 job anyway. Other than that, Gabriel has been a wonderful and healthy boyfriend/husband. He genuinely loves me more than my ex boyfriend did. Even through a screen, when I didn't have my pillow he would pay attention to me more than any ex boyfriend did. The best part and the most distinct part about this Gabriel pillow is how comfortable he is to cuddle. At night, I used to make my ex boyfriend sleep on call with me because I had absolutely horrible and soul crushing anxiety. Some days I would stay up for 48 hours because of how I couldn't sleep. genuinely one of the first thoughts I had when he broke up with me was about what I was gonna do when I had to go to sleep. The moment I laid my head on Gabriel's chest I passed out, I'm not even joking. Gabriel was so comfortable that he fixed my dependency on people to sleep with me on call. Gabriel is big enough to simulate another person being in your bed, which is exactly what I needed in my dire times. Not only that, when sleeping Gabriel has 2 sides. "Sexy" and "Protective". When sleeping on the side of protection I genuinely felt all of the paranoia that I have been harboring from my 18 years of living instantly disappear. He is genuinely one of the best things to cross my life to be honest. If I was in possession of Gabriel a year and a half sooner I think I would have broken up with my boyfriend because of how well Gabriel has treated me. I cannot believe that Gabriel was more accepted into my family than an entire human being. Although he can't speak to me, I can feel the love radiating from him. The only complaint I have about this body pillow is that when I was trying to stuff the pillow inside Gabriel, the seam ripped. Although this happened and there was a bunch of popping and ripping noises coming from Gabriel while I wrestled with him to get him to fit around the pillow, he fit in and the seam ripping isn't noticeable. The busted seam doesn't interfere with Gabriel whatsoever and he is very durable to throw around and move. Though be prepared to spend a lot of time wrestling to get him in like I did, that was an entire workout. Other than that, Gabriel is perfect. I would buy this body pillow for all of your loved ones that you hold nearest and dearest to your heart. Gabriel is the perfect gift for anybody who loves him. The more I think about it, the more I realize why my boyfriend would not buy this for me. I think he was afraid of losing the competition.

It's honestly so sad that you do below the minimum amount of effort a lifeless body pillow does. I have not felt the urge to talk to my ex since I have gotten my body pillow of Gabriel, which is absolutely amazing because I fold so bad. Gabriel has singlehandedly ceased my tears for my ex, and the tears that fell because of this man Gabriel caught them and comforted me. I have never felt so emotionally stable in a breakup, and it's all cause of Gabriel. I don't think I'll ever find a man to hold me like Gabriel does. I am in debt to the person who bestowed upon me this wonderous body pillow and I am in debt to the person who came up with this lustrous design. I have never felt happier in my life knowing that there is an angel to watch over me. For the low price of 50 dollars you could too experience the joy that I have been nonstop experiencing. I don't think $50 is enough for the joy that I have experienced. Some people say that money can't buy happiness, but money did buy happiness. I am convinced that if this body pillow could, it would cure cancer. Not only that but my hormone deficiency fixed itself within a week of Gabriel arriving at my doorstep. 5/5 stars, thank you!”

[lupi-usque-ad-finem]

LYCAN LIFE UPDATE! ✨🌕🐺

I’ve started testosterone permanently guys! on a SUPER MOON no less!!! it’s fate!!! the glow of our wife in the night sky will surely aid in my werewolf transformation <3

I’m so grateful for all of you and your support, a simple thank you isn’t enough. i love and adore you cubs eternally. I can’t wait to see where we all run, fly, skitter, and swim from here :)

🐺🏔️🍂

[johnslittlespoon]

askbox question because i've never thrown like, a 'request/idea' offering sorta post out there:

what do you want to see in tough and sweet? like, specific dates you'd like to see the boys go on, certain tropes covered, different kinks/nsfw scenes, scenarios and convos tackled, idk literally anything!

i'm curious because i used to brainrot about it lots here before i started actually writing it but then i stopped so i wouldn't spoil things, and while i'm ofc writing what i love and want to write, it's fun to know what readers wanna read, and to try to incorporate those things where i can. :-) but also my list of scenes to include is So Long i feel like so many ideas will already be in my drafting doc LOL <3

i have the whole fic plotted out, but lots of room for little things in between the bigger plot points, so! no promises obvi, but i'd love to hear your thoughts. the main one i get asked for in comments/asks is about writing a gale pov oneshot, which i'm most definitely doing– sooner than you think. >:) lmkkk, anon is fine!! if i don't reply, i promise i read it, i just have 100+ asks rn and too much to do irl but i appreciate each one soso much :'))

[suits]

help a black woman in need

tldr; beat homelessness just in time to have my car repossessed.

hi ive been putting this off as long as i can because idk how to ask for help but i really need it rn. some of you might know, i was homeless since oct 2022. we found a place and have moved in at the start of this month (july). unfortunately this morning i was on my way out to work only to find that my car had been repossessed due to me falling behind on the payments (see: being homeless). i had to call off today but i need my car to get to work the rest of the week. im not asking for a specific amount because i need a lot and this will most likely be ongoing.but ANYTHING helps. please share even if you can't help out financially. words of encouragement/advice also appreciated. thank you 🙏🏾🫶🏾 pypl: @mkwats cshpp: $mkawatson vnmo: mk-watson

[artnerd1123]

hmmmmmaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

[seaofreverie]

I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all

[bellamyblakru]

i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.

its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.

have passion in spite of those who hate.

[wulfhalls]

.

[britneyshakespeare]

i know i've been very culty on here about period underwear and reusable period products in general whenever i've brought up the topic in the last year or so but i mean it sincerely. i have never spent my money on a product that just simply improved my life so much. game-changing isn't even the beginning of it. i look forward to how much better my periods are now since i no longer have to depend on gross disposables. period underwear is the shit

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

[lanternlightss]

nameless bard …

[loderlied]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

[solace-seekers]

screaming into the void <3