#nice that theyve been giving him more stuff to do this season

[keepingupwiththeboltons]

Sense i havent seen anyone else mention it, id like to say: props to orwyle for being the least sexist man on the green council 👏👏👏 keep brewing moontea king

[thesugarhole]

sanrio?? hello??

violin* and obsessed with money???? since when??? i mean. alright. i can give the violin to him AND cherry but its like, very barely there violin??

me to the sanrio ceo: "berry is violin" shut up if youve seen the stuff kuromi circa 2006 used to do youd hurl

also i dont think wallet status has ever been mentioned about these guys... in any media/franchise. they live in an abandoned looking mansion for the halloween aesthetic, not because of money. i can believe 'obsessed with money' but not 'poor'

hoping its either just google mistranslations or some recent developments ive been blissfully unaware of

>cinnamon

>her

its mistranslations. also this is personal headcanoning time based on how often the confusion happens but man you cant do this to cinnamon notorious trans man icon cinnamon. if he doesnt mind it then ill mind it for him djkhfdksj 'cherry is competitive and selfish' is correct btw this has always been her description. well maybe not competitive but definitely selfish. iirc it was always around "berry is stubborn cherry is selfish and theyre both tsundere" genuinely dont know where violin came from its gotta be a mistranslation on the nuisanse/stubborn aspect. i also dunno where 'weakness is strong-willed girls' came from, it might be talking about his friendship with cherry and how he might given in easier to what she tells him (at least i choose to think so) so i got no comment on it

all the pronouns being mismatched is so funny man come on shjfhdgfdsjvfdsjv is this profile using some sort of neutral language that left google confused as hell?

i. uh? should i be worried about espresso?

this ones... correct? espresso is more of a culture savant than a celebrity.... anyway berry if you kick him out there will be no one there to make you the food you love

nope! its magic and mirror manipulation. pranking is their hobby and favorite pass time but their magic is not limited to just the -its joke- context (sorry to once again quote the worst season ever of OMM, but they both tried to help out bakus family by making a photo of food they had emit scent, so the family would have an easier time eating plain rice. no jokering no jestering no clowning no malicious behavior whatsoever).

i remember being mentioned in older descriptions that berry had some potion making proficiency but they havent focused in that in years so who cares now amirite. i dont remember if cherry had any sort of distinction like this, theyve always overfocused on her crush on espresso :pensive:

"what about cherry"

"who? oh idk write smth about espresso again"

(hobbies include PRANKS, attempting to make friends (a general trait) making music (2018 rankings), having ballroom parties (cinnamon trip!! by oster project) and watching sentai/magical girl anime (onegai my melody). berrys particular hobby is to mess with cinnamon, cherrys particular hobby is to go after espresso. i guess.) (but again most of these are old one offs, and currently unfocused aspects of theirs so. whatever)

also i really would like to know the plans about the alt designs for them that are technically their true form and always show in their shadows and (sometimes?) in mirror reflections. it hasnt been completely dropped but, its never been hard defined either so idk. i guess i feel a bit bummed that its also been attempted to be forgotten to time because (to me feel at least) it feels very obviously based on the episode kuromi turned herself into a human and it could be something they were trying to establish to devil inspired characters back then.

thanks for coming to the lloromannic autism hour its nice to think about something else other than current personal events sometimes

*censorship

[im-smart-i-swear]

Do you think Shiro will ever meet the Funky Guys?? What would their reaction towards each other would be?

oh, they definetly meet eachother! i have a few ideas on how this happens(some more serious than others), but it definetly happens after the war is over(im not sure how excatly stuff goes down but galra lost and allura lives... and haggar is alive too cause Buddy and the others deserve to yell at her)

first im gonna quickly explain how they get off that planet: so basically Eenek(the galran kid)'s parent(dad?) thought they died in a "terrible accident" years ago, but after the war ended he went there in hopes he'll recover the body. he WAS NOT expecting to find his child alive and taken care of by a bunch of strange people who look susiciously like that black paladin guy.... but he agrees to take them all out of here and lets them live on his ship!(im skipping over so much stuff here) he knows who they are and doesnt give a shit cause they saved Eenek.

when Shiro and The Guys meet, theyve been living a relatively normal life for like a year or two already, hiding their origins and trying to assimilate into society. theyre doing great! ....... shiro isnt.

he feels out of place, hes been trough hell and really didnt expect to live trough it all, but he did and he has a long life ahead of him, so he should be happy, right? everyone else is moving on, his friends all have someone to lean on, but adam's dead and we never see shiros family(maybe they appear in the last two seasons? i havent watched them), so hes alone. hes stuck in the past, hes stuck as The Black Paladin Of Voltron, but no one needs voltron anymore except for parades and signing autographs.

and then, somehow, shiro meets these other versions of him, and they all moved on and made a new life for themselves..... he envies them, but he also wants to learn how they did it. he knows theyre not really him, and hes happy for them, he really is, they achieved something he cant - but its definetly bittersweet.

they all react diffrently to meeting shiro(oh god this is gonna be so long)

tashi feels like hes not living up to shiros greatness. he saved the universe, for fucks sake! if they have the same genes, then why cant he be such a good leader? what is wrong with him? is he broken?(he isnt!!! hes just fucking stupid sometimes) but he also sees how much shiro struggles and wants to help(maybe he sees him as family?)..... even if its awkward

soup knows exactly what shit shiro's been trough and she has a lot of respect for him. she treats him a bit like an old friend. shiro was a bit weary of her at first beacuse she can be very menacing, but its really comforting to both of them to finally have someone whos been trough the same hell. and of course she showed him her rock collection

buddy wants to hate shiro. he(they? ive been playing w/ the idea of buddy using they/he) spent years distancing themself from voltron as a whole and painstakingly building a new life, and now the manifestation of their past is just standing there- buddy doesnt really see shiro as a person(oh, the irony), just as a ghost, a shadow of what they used to be, and it feels awful.

i havent really talked about pal(placeholder name why is naming characters so hard) yet but he i think he feels similiar to both soup and buddy, since he remembers a lot from his time with the galra but also was an early 'prototype', so seeing the thing he was supposed to be makes him uneasy. hes overall shy and nervous so i think in the beggining he just silently stared at shiro for a really long time.

the fact taks(placeholder name, goddamnit) is trans makes her very uncomfortable with shiro. hes nice and friendly, especially to her and the other kids(taka, eenek and to a lesser extent pal, who is a lot younger than the other adults), but he is who she thought she was for a while(like buddy!) and its not great for her gender dysphoria. also, seeing someone so similiar to her family and yet so other doesnt help

taka(placeholder name-) grew up listening to buddys stories about voltron and he heavily idolises shiro. for him being a clone is cool - who wouldnt want to be related to the great Takashi Shirogane? shiro sees this 11 year old kid who has his whole life ahead of him and it reminds him why he became a paladin in the first place - so kids like taka will have happier lives, so they dont have to go trough what he had to. i think its safe to say taka aquired a cool new uncle that day

jesus fuck this was a lot, and im pretty sure theres more somewhere in my brain, but thats enough for now

thanks for the ask! you really opened pandora's box with this one!

[sanchoyo]

sorry hi again. want a queen ship mocumentary.

^_^)/)🌵

touching the cactus.

oh me too.... I don't think there's a single character thats NOT a hot mess, and theres so many of them that it would have a few full seasons of shenanigans. the character dynamics...

-everyone having a crush on pereskia. (she is extremely aro and too focused on Important Matters to actually notice)

-arilla doing way more jobs than he SHOULD be and being an exasperated babysitter to everyone. please just let him eat an entire cake alone and drop into a food coma. thats all he wants hes already half dead!! let him rest!!!

-queen's the horribly demanding boss that you dont want to say no to, because..she IS nice, don't wanna hurt her FEELINGS, but...my goodness she asks a LOT. but she asks it so nicely!!! (the running gag of her being so proper and pretty in public vs in the lab when shes a mess, too) + queen and arilla both being the worst at fighting. the episode where pereskia, worried queen might not do so well if shes not there to act as a body guard, tries to teach her to fight and its the most pathetic flailing youve ever seen in your life. she gets a LITTLE sweaty and just curls up bc its TOO HARD and shes SORE and doesnt want to be sweaty anymore :( (she has done (1) push-up, with shaky arms)

-sapote and cara being an entire comedic duo. cara's culture shock abt the aliens vs sapote never being shocked by humans bc shes so down for anything. (all of the other aliens are shocked by how unphased sapote always is) sapote and her sister being SOOO opposites (her sister is older, more mature, and way sweeter. and also a crybaby) +the daycare shenanigans vs how...it would very quickly devolve into an r rated series if sapote was the main focus and we werent around any kid or teen charas jkdhfkj it would turn into. magical girl rick and morty im sorry to say but its the truth

-saguaro and queen's little passive aggressive talks every time they speak to each other. 'oh im sorry was it SCIENCE that brought deep blue back the first time? noo it was the miracle of mew aqua miss queen ^_^' 'mew aqua IS science from our ancestors ^_^' 'no, i think you're mistaken! there's no way thats true it was a gift from deep blue ^___^' ...everyone deciding saguaro is a weirdo (they are ALL weirdos) but then it cuts to saguaro explaining WHY they do things in their particular way (explaining deep blue cult stuff) and its like oh ok! theres an entire cult on this ship! haha thats probably fine! but they keep insisting its SUPER normal guys cmon. also using it to justify anything they do. deep blue sama WOULD want you to give them that bag of tea and pastries u stole from the cafe btw he told them himself. not lying btw. true and if you dont well. PERHAPS deep blue will tell them to put a tack on your chair.

-erdisia having to take a workplace sensitivity class bc she keeps trash talking humans. sure, we want to kill ALL OF THEM, but! you ought to speak nicer abt them when cara's around!!! :/ (none of them see the irony in this btw except arilla whos regularly just staring directly into the camera like :\ ) every ep she tries to sabotage cara so SHE can work with sapote senpai instead. this is always thwarted in extremely looney toons fashion and its so frustrating to her but hilarious to watch. tunillo is in the same sensitivity class. but they, and this is important, cannot STAND each other and refuse to believe they have any of the same issues (or their humanphobia is even an issue)

-tunillo refusing to sleep for a week and starts being increasingly paranoid and hallucinating things on the screens he monitors bc hes so sleep deprived. so every other hour hes setting off red alerts and everyones panicked trying to find the. fake threats...that increasingly become more absurd...but by the end everyones incredibly unhinged and worn out by the end because theyve been on high alert all day...so they dont believe tunillo when he spots team tm2 actually breaking into the ship HAHA

-cara catches a (mild, normal) human cold, and everyone else catches it and are convinced theyre gonna die of Human Cooties. rip. and like, queen is a doctor. like, shes a scientist, and shes a doctor, technically speaking! but no one with a brain* TRUSTS her to do regular doctor things (*sapote and arilla are outliers adn should not be counted.) but in the event of everyone getting sick, she WANTS to play doctor!!! please just let her poke you with a LITTLE needle 🥺 she wont do anything weird she promisessss u wont wake up tomorrow glowing purple or anything 🥺🥺🥺

-cara calling tunillo an incel gamer type and he has NO idea what ANY of those DIRTY EARTH WORDS mean but hes SO insulted bc of her tone that he goes and rats on her to queen. queens like, cara honey sweetie my dear little snake child. what does gamer mean? and cara turning red trying not to to laugh. and shes like ohh no worries maam. gamer is a COMPLIMENT. and her and sapote and arilla are trying SO hard. so hard. not to laugh bc queen spends the week telling everyone theyre being such GOOD gamers!!!

-sapote continuing to bring human things on the ship, and people asking cara what they are since shes their resident human. and cara just starts, at some point. lying? for her own entertainment? theres not much else To Do when ur So Watched all the time. so its like oh yeah! well THAT is an item of HUGE importance to us, used in very sacred ceremonies. very ancient and beloved. and it cuts to a shot of a toilet plunger.

-cara and sapote dont have clearance to certain areas. (cara even less than sapote!) they want to GO in certain areas sometimes. (well. sapote does, and cara is obligated to follow her) so it stands to reason they just. they just gotta get the fingerprint of someone who DOES have that clearance! like arilla! sapote knocks him over the head and the entire episode is them trying to weekend at burnies him around to explore the ships more closed off areas. but they keep being stopped by EVERYONE because EVERYONE needs SOMETHING from arilla, all of the time. forever.

-the running joke of erdisia being some kind of Creeture, like. why is she like that in general? crouched in the rafters hissing. can someone get her down. shes tiny but so so so mean. there would be erdisia roast comp videos of all her sickest burns.

-all of them enabling each others worst behaviors. its like if its always sunny was set in a scifi setting. an episode where mira gets kidnapped or something and is like wow! all of you are really messed up :/

-...the quiche commentary corner where it cuts to him in his cell making comments on everything (dont ask how he can know whats going on. its not important whats important are his opinions) he hears abt mira and is like ohh. so. do you think them having a mew kid is gonna add stress? to like, ichigo and masaya's marriage? u think theres a chance of divorce? think I got a shot maybe? ik its been 20+ years but 🤔 instead of caring abt the drama of queens upper circle, LMAO

[iridescentides]

i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

[the-scarecrxw]

i thought up a jailbait Jonathan fic and it's a threesome 😌 (with one unexpected participant) also, trans jonathan bc we love a bonus hole boy

nsft below cut

So this takes place the day after Jonathan is sent to Arkham. It's pre season 2. It starts with the group that would later become the Maniax oogling the new guy, mostly bc they're the controlling group of Arkham and theyve to to know Everyone. Richard Sionis is like "He's a little pretty though, isn't he?" and Greenwood gives that big olde grin of his and is like "Oh definitely." but Jerome speaks up like "Only if you like jailbait." and everyone is all confused like wdym he's jailbait they don't put minors in arkham.

Jerome, unexpectedly smart, explains that he knows exactly who the new guy is. Because the day after he killed his mother he went to the library, he saw the big olde headline "The Fearsome Doctor Crane killed in shootout!" and read it out of curiosity. It was a biiggg press release about the case, and right at the end they mention Crane's 15 year old son, unnamed for privacy, was heavily traumatized by the event and was under 24 hr care at Gotham General. Jerome figures that's him, because Gotham doesnt seem the type of town to care about their crazies (see: arkhams existence) and even if he's technically a ward of the state they don't want to waste the money keeping him in a nice hospital room when they can dump him in Arkham and forget him.

Sionis praises Jerome for his knowledge but him and Greenwood keep oogling Jonathan despite the age revelation, mumbling back and forth about how hot he is and how tight he probably is, with a cute little cock, stuff like that. Jerome silently listens, but nods along in agreement. the Crane kid was really cute. it would be nice to ruin him.

Jonathan, meanwhile, has been completely oblivious to the comments being directed his way, curled up in a corner with a book in his lap. Not that he seems to be really reading it, it takes him several minutes to flip a page and his eyes tend to drift occasionally.

This whole debacle is interrupted when a guard enters the rec room and calls out, "Miss Crane? Is there a Miss Joanna Crane here?" And for the first time Jonathan reacts to something, doing a full body cringe and curling in on himself. A nurse quickly comes up and snatches the clipboard from the guard and calls out in correction, "Jonathan Crane! We need Mister Jonathan Crane." The guard does the whole rolling his eyes and crossing his arms BS, and Jonathan slowly slinks out of his chair and goes up to them, and the nurse leads him off.

Richard Sionis, resident asshole, makes his transphobia known by screwing up his face and muttering "Oh, it's a tr*nny. Nevermind then. I'm not going anywhere near it." Greenwood on the other hand, looks excited, "More for me then, bonus hole boys are fucking great. The one man I killed and ate was one. Of course news reported him a woman, but whatever."

Jerome speaks up and asks if Greenwood would be willing to share, who proceeds to tease Jer about calling Jon jailbait earlier. Jer just shrugs and says "It's hardly illegal considering I just turned 18."

I don't have much after this thought out, besides that it's not noncon, dub at best bc they sort of corner Jon in his cell and try coercing him, and Jon caves very quickly because of the baffling amount of sedatives (and antipsychotics) running through his system so he's not in 24/7 terror.

It's DEFINITELY gonna have virgin Jon, and double penetration. Jerome gets his front hole, Greenwood gets his ass. Maybe some Jerome eating him out while he preps his ass and Greenwood fucks his face a bit. Jonathan definitely cums very quickly and many many times.

[pwnyta]

OK THIS IS MY IDEA FOR LIKE A VOLTRON SEASON... keep in mind I didnt watch the last season but nobody liked it so Im sure no one cares if I accidentally retcon stuff.. HERE GOES-

BOOM

Starts off with Coran. Hes staring up at some screen with a bunch of weird alien science bullshit on screen. He looks kind of more aged and tired which is a little concerning because his species is seemingly like immortal. But hes staring up at this screen and hes starts talking to Allura... whos not there its more like ‘where could you be, I still feel like youre out there somewhere‘ that kind of thing...

Romelle comes in and starts like ‘Coran you gotta stop with this. You gotta move. whens the last time youve talked to someone besides me or this screen.’ etc and Coran just looks sad because hes kind of been left behind and he misses the last family he really had left. and hes all ‘I feel like shes still out there... I wish she’d just give us a sign‘ and Romelle feels bad but tries to convince him to step away...

WHEN SUDDENLY some of the alien tech starts picking up some weird interference and Coran and Romelle are like !!!!! Holy shit... and now Romelle is a little on board and Coran grabs a communication device or w/e.

hard cut to Pidge and Hunk. Theyre just fucking around.. I havent decided more about them but lets just say theyre like playing a game late at night and goofing off surrounded by weird inventions and random junk... Pidge loses and Hunk gloats and theyre surprised when their phone rings... (of course Coran would contact them first) but MOVING ON

Lance is still like working on a farm somewhere or w/e he was doing at the end of the series, just with his big family and looking pretty pleased... little girl runs up and tells him grandma said hes got a phone call so he picks her up and heads in.. and then you find out the little girl is his daughter and hes a good dad and its very cute. also he has beard in these moments cuz it can be funny later.

Then we get to Shiro... whos sleeping. Hes all stressed out.. think that scene in IM3 with Tony... like hes not gotten any sorta therapy. And he wakes up all sweaty and startled and Curtis comes in and is like ‘Oh honey are you ok... I thought I heard you wake up‘ something something showing a cute relationship with the fellas. PHONE CALL.

Then were with the Blade. Full suited up Blades are training, ones way bigger than the other, theres some other smaller Blades at the side watching... its clearly some kind of battle instruction... This is were Keith is gonna be re-introduced but boom smaller Blade gets knocked back and helmet phases away to reveal some little gremlin mad that they got bested. A little hot headed moody thing and then the instructor phases his helmet away and its KEITH. Fully purple. Those hints that Keith was getting more Galra-like... now this. Krolia comes in to tell him Coran has called and asked him to come by because something important happened.

At where ever Coran is at the Paladins start showing up. Make it really clear that they havent really kept in touch much...

Pidge and Hunk meet up with Lance... see his beard and start RAILING on him. Like WHAT IS THAT?! And Lance fights back because he thinks the beard makes him look manly but Pidge laughs and Hunks like...//strokes his own beard and Lance is like ‘HUNK HAS A BEARD!‘ but Pidge is all ‘HUNK HAS THE FACE FOR A BEARD YOU LOOK GOOFY AS FUCK‘ And Lance is like ‘Whatever what do you know!‘

then Shiro is like ‘Geez you guys are already bickering?‘ Pidge is super excited to see Shiro and Lance is like ‘AH YES. A man of great honor and refined taste!! SHIRO... Tell them my beard looks good!‘ and Shiros all :).......... yeah. But its obvious hes just trying to be nice but hes a bad liar and Lance is like ‘GOD DAMN IT‘ and the others laugh.

Keith comes in fully Galra.. the other Paladins are like ?!!?!? WAT. And Keith is like hey! all casual about it, offers a hand to Shiro for their little hug thing even tho even Shiros still like ‘Purple? also youre taller than me now? Dont like that.‘ but Keith is like ‘wtf is up with the beard?‘ and Lance is all ‘I DONT WANNA HEAR IT FROM YOU.‘

Cuz hes fucking purple.

But they get to Coran and Coran goes off with a bunch of alien tech speak and only Pidge and Hunk are really following along but they look a little skeptical when he starts trying to mash pieces together like ‘Oh this could be Allura trying to communicate with us! Maybe we can get her back!‘ which of course hooks Lance immediately.

At the chance to maybe create some cool new device Pidge and Hunk are ready to work with Coran to make some device to pin point the anomaly and maybe create some kind of universe jumping portal... they remember that comet thing from that weird AU episode so they know its technically possible. Keith thinks its a bad idea and Shiro trusts his instincts cuz he wasnt really there for that so he has no input.

BUT it happens anyways and more information on the anomaly is given with Pidge and Hunks machine. they find its one life form thats not like something enormous and they get a little more into Corans mind set. Maybe this really is a Allura.

Theyre willing to risk it. 

Something something they build a machine and some kind of containment area to try and ease Keiths mind. Theyre suited up prepared for whoever it is that might come through.

But its clear when the figure steps through the portal that its not Allura and probably not an Altean at all. Weird number of toes, really tall. They suspect Galra and they know there are still rogue Galra out there so they keep their guard up but then the person looks over at them and immediately removes their mask and its Ulaz! and hes like ‘OH FUCK! Shiro!!! (not exact words... I dont do dialog leave me alone)‘

and Shiros ‘ULAZ!!!!‘

Ulaz can look a little different, maybe his mohawk hair is longer and braided so he looks all cool but also like he hasnt been able to maintain his hair, hes got some scars on his face, maybe he lost an eye or something.

And everyones a little excited to see him especially Shiro and even Keith cuz thats one of his Blade brothers! The first one hes met really... (Coran and Lance are not quite as happy...)

After a brief moment of joy Ulaz is quick to inform them of the AU Alteans.

They get filled in. They find out that those Alteans are also looking for Allura... which Coran is like ‘Allura really is alive!!‘ but its not that important to Ulaz at the moment cuz hes just going on about the number of followers Hiras got and theyve been fucking around in the universes gathering followers and power and shit.

Then hard cut to Hiras fleet and that bitch is PACKIN.

THAT WOULD BE FIRST EPISODE SET UP. //a fanfiction by Ewim

what do you think...

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

[heizerux]

About Stormy Weather 2

Let’s cut to the chase. This was a filler/recap episode.

Is it disappointing? Yes 😞

They did my girl Aurore wrong with the episode title and not even giving her the attention she deserves. And about nothing new happened. Chloe still hasn’t learned to actually be better. There’s more. But those are about a few things that REALLY got to me (to be brief).

Is it bad that they even have this episode? Not exactly. It just wasn’t done well.

Now that I’ve briefly got out of my system on why I was disappointed, now let’s look at the details and minor brightsides of it (I guess?) and more on why I’m disappointed.

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This was an episode to establish the questions we’ve had. (Honestly did we even need these? Actually, not really. But it’s nice they even bothered.) Some of these questions are:

How’s Aurore?

Is Chloe really fully changed?

How does Nathalie REALLY feel? Like with her own words? How LONG has she been with the Agrestes? And will Gabriel keep this shit up?

How’s the dynamic between Ladybug and Chat Noir now since they’ve been fighting for a while?

How’s everyone else (Alya and Nino specifically) doing?

Will Marinette ever tell Adrien that she’s interested in him?

Will Adrien pick up on that???

Pretty much here’s how they answered these, as well as what I took from these answers:

How’s Aurore? Naturally I’m gonna open up with Aurore here since this was supposed to be HER episode again. We see her being bullied by Chloe and then she get it’s gets to her. THAT’S how Aurore is doing. The only few things I liked about her here is learning she and Marinette are friends. But that’s IT. This could have been HER moment. HER episode again. We could of known more about HER. Instead what do we get? Just like 3 minutes tops of her and boom. Defeated, and not even checked up on. I know she’s a side misc character but damnit *slaps table*. . . We really were cheated with her comeback. This wasn’t her episode and it shouldn’t have been titled “Stormy Weather 2”. I’m sad about this.

Is Chloe really fully changed? Nope. So I knew her development wasn’t even started yet (as we’ve seen), but like damn. We see how being hero twice has gotten to her head. It’s disappointing, it really is. The only “bright side” is that at least they’re establishing here that she clearly still has changing to do instead of saying she’s fully changed, which she isn’t. Probably even alluding to what we’re gonna see next with her. Obviously by that last glare, Marinette (as Ladybug) isn’t giving into her shit anymore. (That or she’s disappointed in how Chloe doubled back too.)

How does Nathalie REALLY feel? And so we see. She, as expected, hates her fucking job because it’s too demanding, but LOVES the Agreste family. We now, with her own words, which are rare, learn just how long she’s been with them, her feelings for the family, and that she canonically cared for Emilie and has now fallen for Gabriel. She’s also still sick from Heroes Day (so they didn’t forget that’s a thing, thankfully). Which now only implies that from this point forward, she’ll be Mayura more often, and get even sicker (a life for a life, anyone?)

How’s everyone else doing? That Ninalya (Djwifi) content. . . My heart! 💕💖💕💖😭💖💕💖💕 So they show us Nino is pretty much now a Césaire (lol), and that they both do talk about their hero duties when they’re alone. The good in seeing this? They can actually keep it a secret from the public and this shows their hero potential (unlike Chloe). The bad about it? It’s their disadvantage (as we already know.) Now what we didn’t need is all that recap footage. (That time slot could have been used for my bby Aurore 💜💙💜)

How’s the dynamic between Ladybug and Chat Noir now since they’ve been fighting for a while? Well :) (Filler aside) We see that Ladybug is A LOT more fonder of Chat Noir than before. This time she’s loosening up her humor during battle when she used to be all “stop joking! This is serious!” Then they go on to recap on shit that we already know like that they trust each other and *yawn*. But one thing I did notice, and like about this, is that look she gives him as he runs off.

It’s almost a look of that says “I’m starting to view you as more than a partner. . .” (Will they show it in the following episodes. Boy do I hope.)

Will Marinette ever tell Adrien that she’s interested in him? Okay so not only does she drop off Adrien’s homework, but you notice something? Not only did she volunteer, but she didn’t fluster while doing so. When she delivers it, she’s not panicked about it, instead she’s just nervous about talking to Nathalie and disappointed she couldn’t give it to him in person. Then what happens next? She FINALLY takes Kagami’s advice and does something. Once she’s done, she’s not regretful and doubtful about it anymore when she used to be. Sure, we went over shit that marks she “changed”, but it’s really around this part in the episode that she ACTUALLY changes. From here she’s a new confident Marinette, pretty much. The recap was still unecessary.

Will Adrien pick up on that??? *sigh* no lol.

Okay, real quick, BIG APPRECIATION for Plagg’s “Oh shit” face when he sees Adrien notices the handwriting.

So into Adrien and his love life, we see that his head is too in the clouds to fully notice the amazing girl that is MARINETTE. I will say I love that Plagg keeps trying to steer him in the direction to LOOK AT MARINETTE. (Mentioning how Gabriel wasn’t mad Adrien was with her when he snuck out and hinting that she’s VERY available more than once.) When he finally notices the handwriting, he’s SO close to putting it together. Plagg for a sec is shook about it (since it hints he’s closer to piecing she’s LB), but then he re-tracts because he’s a clueless child and now is left on the conclusion that it’s not her. Okay -_-

So now that that’s done, let me just add on why I think that last part where he retracts marks something.

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Anyone find it odd that the episode ended specifically with Adrien noting that “Marinette couldn’t have written the letter (can’t be in love with me) because she’s just a friend that’s into fashion. Besides there’s Luka.”

Luka. . .

. . .

You guys hear that?

Right as soon as he says that, sad music plays. Like he “lost” something.

Then Adrien as if slightly disappointed, insists it was probably “someone else”. . . Because there’s Luka. . .

And then the episode ends.

(My own thought: I think this is here to mark off that not only Luka is coming more into play, but maybe that it’ll affect Adrien more than he thinks? It may be that his change to come is that he stops looking “up in the clouds” and starts looking in front of him.)

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haaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

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And that’s about one of the few things that got me in this episode (among Nino and Alya and Mari getting confident for once). Because it means shits gonna get interesting among the ships👀. . . *sips tea*

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I’d touch the development issue but after carefully going over the fact that both season 2 and 3 were written around the same time, I do have a hunch stuff is kind of out of order there. But that’s a topic for another day. (Probably one I’ll rethink and retouch fully after this season is done.) So let’s get back to the real question:

So wtf was this episode?

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Well, this is just my take, but judging by the brief glances at Stormy Weather 2’s LEVEL of power, it’s there to set what we’re gonna be seeing from the episodes forward. If this looks intense, then we haven’t seen intense, yet (ya feel?)

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For certain ppl (I’m one of these ppl) Stormy Weather from S1 was THE pilot episode to the whole show and the first episode seen. It set up what we were going to be seeing of the show. So if there had to be an explanation, my take is that’s why they picked her again to mark off a recap and brand new starting point for what’s to come.

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TLDR: This episode probably wasn’t just meant to show what’s changed, but to mark of what WILL change moving forward.

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It’s not perfect, I’m still not happy with how it was delivered, but that’s probably what they were going for.

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They probably should of just called it “The Story So Far” or something, honestly. Not Stormy Weather 2. Aurore did amazing. Her screentime didn’t :( But in the end, it’s probably there to mark the start of real change.

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Since that’s maybe the deal, then changes we may see here moving forward and so on are:

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It’s probably gonna mark Marinette as being comfortable around Adrien and no longer hesitating as much as she did, but of course Luka will be more in her life (and Adrien may or may not realize he isn’t as okay with it?? That’s just what I wanna see honestly lol). Chloe will probably realize that she can’t keep expecting to be handed a miraculous just because she says so, which then could mark her to ACTUALLY start changing. And so on.

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Anyway we’ll see what the next episodes bring. I noticed they’ve only been showing us the uneventful episode first and leaving the more “juicy” ones for later dates. . .

As long as this is, I actually kind of rushed through it so my apologies if it’s all over the place :(

[toestalucia]

ykno im kinda.......rly glad gbf is doing more & more things to actually recognize how captain grew up without their dad. there’s a free quest where they & vyrn speak of that time when they played hide&seek with him but thats like one of the very few, if not only, time they actually speak about dad in a way that’s focused on captains experience. so im not sure...if captain even remembers their dad that much.

the anime aired in 2017, and aaron mentioned how bad gran’s behavior was, and katalina echoes it later when hearing how gran behaved growing up.

but after that it was very silent again until no rain no rainbow, which partly had a focus on captain struggling with their feelings towards it all, being angry for being left behind but also being upset about being angry about it (olivia’s skill ep has this behavior too, captain can’t forgive the stranger for putting lyria&vyrn in harms way but they also feel so bad about not being able to forgive them).

second season of the anime went.......hardcore with it. i still wish they did ferrys arc differently btu thats anOTHER TALK, but im not fully satisfied with how they dealt with grans issues there but im not sure if thats me having written gran since before s1 or whatever. but they went intense with it, they went back to gran trying to convince people(aaron) they weren’t alone, and talks with vyrn as to why dad wasn’t going to pick them up, if they hated them etc.

main quest...has...not discussed these issues really? aaron expressed his concerns in about the exact same way as s1 just more romantic (i kinda wish we got MORE and NEW things), but all captain stuff has been more ‘they’re determined to go to estalucia’ compared to what events has done.

seed of redemption went back to it again, being upset at their dad for taking care of another kid so short after leaving them,,,,, having captain run off surely partly worked out cuz they needed seox alone in that moment, but its the kinda reaction i wouldve liked during early arc 3 too,,,

they had these talks & mentions in events ingame so i just,,,really wanna see it in main quest too? im not gonna equal the anime to ingame content, i see them very separately despite mixmatching them when i write but,,,,,even just another free quest to talk about arc3 stuff wouldve been nice considering theres a LOT of things dropping regarding captains family situation

EITHER WAY im also rly grateful? i honestly didnt expect them to mention these things with a silent & selfinsert protag of sorts akjbsdk since theyre that theyve always had traces of things to work with, so that was kinda all i expected so no rain no rainbow was.....very surprising in every way. and im glad they addressed it again in seed of redemption, so im hoping,,,,main quest will at least give a little, at least when we finally get to see aunt

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [1] {Ben Hardy}

Anon asked: could you do an imagine where ben is the reader’s ex and they are somehow working together on the set of bo rhap and they fall in love all over again ☺️ could you make it angst-y and then end with fluff? i love your writing so much!!

Anon asked: could you do an imagine where the reader is in bo rhap, maybe playing as one of roger’s gfs or something and she kind of falls in love with ben while filming the scenes with him as roger 💖 very fluffy pls :D

A/N: 3124 words. Super AU version of BoRhap being filmed in the fic. There’s gonna be another part, that will fill the prompts better. This might end up being a series. I hope you enjoy. Feedback would be nice.

When your manager rings you, telling you that you’d landed a part in the Queen Biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, you were elated. Freddie Mercury was a bit of a personal hero of yours, and to be a part of his story on the big screen, it was sort of a dream come true. 

In your first meeting, you sign a nondisclosure agreement, and you’re given the latest draft of the script to start learning, as well as a character brief. The script calls your character ‘Amanda’, the girlfriend of Roger Taylor who he eventually realises he wants to settle down with. You’d seen pictures of young Roger Taylor, you wouldn’t lie, you were excited for the role. Honestly, even today he was still quite a fox.

The point is, you were excited to have a fun time on set with a pretty blonde, make some new connections, and earn some good money. Some really good money.

The other shoe drops when you’re flicking through Instagram, and one of the stan accounts you follow has posted a leaked screenshot of the proposed cast list, and there’s your name, right beside the name of the last person you wanted to pretend to be in love with. Ben Hardy; pretty blonde extraordinaire, and your ex-boyfriend.

The table read is... awkward. 

The two of you are sat next to each other, and barely spoke two words to each other. You feel unprofessional the whole time, but you’d rather be anywhere else in the world, and the delivery of some of your lines falls a little flat. The director casts a concerned look between yourself and Ben as you rattle of what’s meant to be banter like you’re reading the news paper.

“They’ve got no damn chemistry; it’s like watching a celebrity divorce hearing.” When the Director vents to one of the producers in the hall outside after the reading, you manage to catch it where you’re just about to come out of the bathroom.

“They’ll be better on set, I promise, it’s just jitters.” She tries to soothe his nerves, and they’re off soon after, and you’re left with a cold, sinking sensation in your stomach.

“You’re Y/N, aren’t you? How are you finding the set?” The guy who greets you on your first day on the Eastenders set smiles with such casual ease it feels like you’ve known him for a while, instead of having just met him.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You agree with a quick nod, rocking back on your heels as you gaze around the space, trying not to look at him for too long. “It’s a bit overwhelming.” Actually, what’s overwhelming is that he’s talking to you. He’s Ben fucking Hardy, pretty-boy on the soap-opera scene, and he’s talking to you on your first day.

“Yeah, you’ll be right though; if you need any help or anything, just give us a yell, yeah?” And you realise he probably doesn’t know who you’re playing, or how you’re involved in that Season’s arc, but you certainly did.

“I didn’t know you could play drums.” You’re trying to be casual when you say it, but you see Ben tense where he’s sitting on a sofa in the rehearsal room, script and pencil in hand.

“I can now, that’s all that really matters.” He’s giving off such strong ‘please leave me alone’ vibes that it almost hurts, and you have to push through the knot in your stomach and sit down next to him.

“Ben, we need to at least be civil.” You say quietly, and he looks at you, expression a little forlorn.

“Y/N, we are civil, and we’ve done this before. Let’s just keep it professional, okay?” His tone leaves little room for argument, and you nod in agreement with a small smile, and pull out your phone, waiting for the rehearsal director.

“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” You purr, running your hand delicately over the collar of Ben’s shirt, as his eyes widened and he spluttered to form a sentence, just as the script had told him to. 

Your character was more a plot device than anything, when Ben’s character is at a low point, his main romance is on a break, and he meets you, a temptress in all black. Your job is to give his character a realisation, he starts as your cocaine dealer when his supplier can’t make the drop, and he falls for you. Depending on the audience reaction, you knew the producers were waiting to see if they kill you off or have you recover from your addiction. The point is, your fate’s uncertain at the end of the Season, and Ben’s character realises he has to get out of the drug trade.

“I’ve got something for you, from Oskar. Can we go somewhere more private?” When he speaks, it’s with surprising confidence, and he steps up from the bar stool and into your space, smiling as your face lights up. The director calls cut after a moment, and you step back, smile sliding to something genuine as an assistant comes in and straightens your loose, black silk shirt, and they reset the shot for a new take.

“Ben, could you try less flustered? You’re here to deliver drugs, you’re not a schoolboy.” The director’s voice was kind as she came up to the two of you, and Ben agreed easily before she turned to you. “Great job, Y/N, don’t be afraid to be more even more forward, if you feel it.” As soon as you nod in understanding, she absconds, and you half laugh.

“If I was any more forward I’d be in your lap.” You snickered, voice quiet as you dipped your head to hide how you were faintly flustered. Ben was quiet, just watching you for a moment, but before you noticed, the director called for everyone to standby.

“I’m after Maggie, do you know where I could find her?” Ben starts as soon as the cameras start rolling, brow furrowed as he leans across the bar to speak to the bartender, and that’s your cue to enter the scene.

“Hey there, baby, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here; I know I’d recognise your face.” And when you say it this time, he smirks back at you, a little cocky, and you can feel the way it makes your heart flutter and you know it’s not as fake as it should be.

Before filming even starts, the producers have essentially forced you and Ben into bonding sessions which, if this were several years ago, would have just been dates. Now they’re awkward and tense, and you tend to bring heavily highlighted scripts.

“I saw you in that Wes Anderson movie last year. It was a really good performance, one of your best.” He offers over coffee. The idea that he’d kept up with enough of your work to label one ‘your best’ has you a little shocked, and something in your heart warms as you thank him softly.

It’s gotten easier to hang around with him, and it’s even easier to pretend to be in love with him in rehearsals. It’s like riding a bike, how easy it is to let yourself smile and lean into him, to let the banter flow easily between the two of you, fond jabs that edge on insulting coming as easily as breathing.

Joe mentions that he thought the two of you worked together before, and when you reply that you’d dated for almost a year, he goes very quiet, eyes going wide. After a beat, he admits it explains a lot.

“X-Men did you real dirty.” You’re half paying attention to an interview with Roger Taylor that the two of you had been instructed to watch together. You’re both in his trailer, sitting on opposite ends of the sofa as you watch in almost complete silence.

“What?” He asks, after a beat, your words having taken a moment to process.

“Killing you off like that; they could have gotten so much mileage out of your character.” The way you say it is far too well thought out to be an idle thought. Ben smirked.

“You just liked the leather pants.” He muttered, but you’re silence is answer enough. You know he sees your embarrassed smile, but you can’t bring yourself to deny it.

“Hey, do you wanna grab a drink after and go through notes and blocking and stuff?” You’re shooting your third episode, and you’re far more comfortable on set by now. Agreeing easily, you let Ben drive the two of you to what he claims is the best pub in town, and you sit in one of the more secluded booths to talk.

It turns out he’s just as much a fan of you as you are of him; you’re known more for your bit-parts in long-running series, it seems like the only show you hadn’t been a part of so far had been Eastenders, it was only a matter of time. It’s an innocent night, true to his word, all you do is talk, and discuss the script. There is one part of the upcoming script that has you a bit nervous. 

“Listen, honestly just go for it; it’s not meant to be sweet or anything, I’m literally taking coke from you.” You tell him, fidgeting, and he’s hums thoughtfully.

“You sure? We can talk to the director, I’m sure-” He offers, but you laugh to hide your nervousness.

“Nah, let’s knock it out of the park, the script says go for it so just go for it.” You assured him, heart rate already quickening at the mere thought of it. 

The next day, before the scene, the director comes over to talk you through it, making sure that if anything becomes uncomfortable, that you can talk to her. Both you and Ben assure her that it’s fine.

“You’re far too cute for this line of work.” You say as you hold a baggie of “cocaine” up to the light, smile playing on your lips.

“Cute? Ouch, you really know how to wound a man, you know.” He says, leaning back against the sofa in the hallway of the grubby hotel your character was staying in. He’s watching you with interest, small smile playing on his lips.

“Cute’s not a bad thing, baby, but you look like you should be making coffees or playing football in the sun, not here, not with me.” And you tap out a little of the powder onto your hand, pretending to snort it before you turn to him, his expression dark and hungry, and he kisses you, aggressive, almost desperate, and you lean into it, almost forget you’re playing a role with his hand on the back of your neck. When he lets go, when he pulls away, your eyes are still closed and you chase his lips for a moment. Eyes flickering open, you see him smirking down at you where he’s standing, and you both know it wasn’t entirely acting.

“You don’t know anything about me.” He growls, and you know you have to smile like you’re into it, like it’s a challenge, but instead, you duck your gaze, giving a small laugh and wiping at the nostril you’d just “snorted cocaine” through, before looking up at him through your eyelashes.

They call cut, and the director announces, almost a little awed, that she’s pretty sure they got the the take, actually says she’s not sure if she could getting a better take if they tried again. Ben seems far too pleased with himself. 

“They want us to tell the public we’re together.” You’re resting your head on Ben’s chest laying at the back of the tour-bus set, and his hand is resting on your waist, which is bare for the crop top and booty shorts they’ve put you in.

“Yeah, I heard.” He replies, voice equally quiet. “I think we’ve got a meeting about it tomorrow morning.” Gwil and Rami are actually playing scrabble at the front of the bus, and Joe is talking to Singer, the director.

“It’s a bad idea.” You’re so frank that you feel Ben freeze, and you heave a sigh. “It’s good for the movie, but Ben...” You trail off, and you feel it when he forces himself to relax. “It wouldn’t be real, it would just be weird.”

“Y/N, we’re actors.” He says very pointedly, and when you turn, resting your chin on his chest, he looks tired, a little exasperated. “It’s just a business deal.” He assured, and you let out a low, thoughtful grumble. 

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow.” You allow, and he nods once, shifting to a more comfortable position, and you go back to resting your head on his chest, eyes fluttering closed as Singer called for the shot to be reset and a bunch of people came and straightened your clothes, and touched up your makeup, all without you having to move much.

You agree to the terms set forth in the meeting easily, the story being that your relationship rekindled on set, and that you were now madly in love, mirroring the relationship you were portraying on screen.

“Wait, does that mean-?” Ben leans forward in his chair, with his heart in his throat as he followed their logic, thinking through the plot of the movie. “Like engaged?” He asked.

“Seems a bit fast.” You agreed, voice level enough that someone might mistake you for calm rather than internally freaking out, and your managers shared a look.

“There will be a public proposal during or after the world premiere, that’s up to you both, and after the movie is out on DVD, you can go your separate ways.” They assured, but your mouth fell open.

“You know he left me for X-Men, right?” You splutter, and Ben’s eyes widen as he turns to you with a scoff.

“You’re the one who said the distance was too much for us while I was in Cairo.” He snapped, and you threw your hands in the air.

“I was offering to come and stay with you instead, but you said you were too busy!” That was enough to shut him up, his mouth snapping closed as he turned away sharply, huffing out a resigned sigh.

“We have a few brands and restaurants who are interested in sponsoring, and the producers are willing to increase both your salaries if you go through with it for the full duration.” Your manager informed you both carefully, and you and Ben shared a resigned look.

“Fake intend to marry me for like three months?” He asked, voice low and bitter, and after heaving a long sigh, you look to your managers,

“Fine.”

“I think I love you.” Ben’s character shows up at your character’s door, and you open it in a silk robe. 

“Hello to you too.” You laughed, but he’s so serious, so sincere, and when he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t offer anything else, you step up to him, pressing your lips to his, and he wraps his arms around you, hands sliding against the silk over your hips, and you pull back.

“You’re too sweet for me, baby,” voice so low it’s barely a whisper, he’s the one who chases your lips this time, but your catch his chin, and his eyes open. 

“You’re high.” He says softly, voice raw and a little desperate.

“And you’re my dealer.” You push him back gently, going to close the door and his expression turns angry.

“That doesn’t mean anything; I love you, Maggie.” His words hang heavily in the air, but before you can respond, they call for cut. You’re told to play it more like it hurts to try and turn him down, and you agree, smiling and nodding all the while. Everyone sets up for another take and you close the door.

When you kiss him this time, his hands are holding your face, and you’ve got your arms around his neck, and it’s like the world falls away from around you. It’s not acting now, hasn’t been for weeks, almost months now, not since he’d asked you out officially. Every time you kiss him you’re desperate to drown in his embrace, and he kisses you like it’s just the two of you, no cameras, no scripts.

“You’re-” and he cuts you off with another quick kiss, which has you laughing a little sadly, “Peter you’re too sweet for me.” He rests his forehead against yours, heaving a sigh.

“I know you’re high.” He says gently, and you don’t push him away this time, just lean back, your finger lifting his chin.

“And you’re my dealer.” You tell him, expression falling.

“That doesn’t mean anything, that doesn’t matter; I love you.” And you know that in that moment, the words mean so much more than the script, than these characters, than the show; he loves you. Ben loves you.

You avoid him, outside of filming, until you actually get a call from your manager telling you you’re contractually obligated to be seen in public together at least once a week. Even while filming you’re short with him, and he’s quick to get away from you the moment he doesn’t need to be around you, which was getting to be pretty bad, seeing as how you had been blocking a sex scene.

After the call, you and Ben get a drink. It’s awkward at first, though that’s unsurprising. After a long sip of his beer, he pats his thighs where he’s sitting in the armchair across from you. You make a face at him, shaking your head. 

“It’ll look less suspicious than if we’re shouting at each other across the table.” He hissed, and you groaned, obliging and crossing to sit yourself in his lap. He’s warm and secure, and he wraps his arm around you like it’s second nature. “Let’s not make this weird.” He said gently, and you nod.

“As for tomorrow’s shoot,” you said softly, leaning in to make sure no-one else heard, and he nodded, humming softly, “we’re professionals, and,” after a beat you cleared your throat pointedly, “it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

“Not in front of a camera crew we haven’t.” Ben says with a smirk, and you snicker in agreement. “It’s gonna go fine; this is all gonna go fine, I promise.” And when you raise your eyebrows at him in surprised question, he just laughs softly, and brings you in for a chaste kiss. “It’s only until the DVD’s released.” He assures you, and you let your expression fall, already weary.

“Ben, that’s over a year away.”

[shock777archive]

A little Excerpt from a BBRAE Roleplay between my friend and I:

A little context: It’s two years after the end of season 5. Raven is 18, nearly 19 and Beast boy is 18. Raven has fallen in love with Beast boy after he nearly died protecting her from a cult of Trigon seeking revenge. Literally a week after theyve recovered from their wounds, Raven has been losing control of her powers and has been sinking into depression and even losing control of her demonic powers. Robin told everyone to leave raven alone to collect herself, but beast boy had to talk with her...and so he decided to write her a letter. 

The excerpt is below the cut! :D I just wanted to share this cause it’s super in character and fucking cute ;A; I really wanna draw this and make it a full on fic, as it does fit nicely with my headcanons... Also, forgive us for any spelling errors. this is via the LINE app on cell lmao 

The parts written by me are indicated, and my rp partner is the marvelous @angel-dust-ryuuki

Me: Beast boy stuck his head out of his room...looked to the left, looked to the right. No one in sight. It was nearing bed time and everyone was in their respective rooms. He heard muffled robin and starfire chatting, but could not make out anything they were saying. Raven's room was still cold, and almost gave off an unholy aura. It was dead silent. He wondered if Raven had gone to sleep finally? In any case, Beast boy carried out his little "plan." "If robin wont let me speak to you in person..." He thought to himself, kneeling down to her door. "I'll just have to write instead!" Beast boy slipped underneath raven's door, that single piece of crinkled up paper. Raven noticed it right away. She could always feel when someone was near...And she saw the little paper quietly slip under her door. Beast boy trotted back to his room, took one last look down the hallway at her door, and then closed his door behind him. Plopping back down on his queen sized bed, he began to game some.

Raven didn't know what to expect. But judging from the crinkly-ness of the paper and the horrendous writing, it had to be beast boy. Beast boy...her heart fluttered. Raven opened up the crude letter to look at a small little paragraph or two. She had to squint her eyes to read it.

"Raven- It's me, beast boy. I heard you weren't feeling well with everything that's going on. I just want you to know that it's okay to feel the way you do. Sometimes we have good days and sometimes we have bad days. And I know you're gonna say 'I'm not allowed to have bad days', but...I just want you to know we all hope you feel better soon! I hope I didn't do anything to hurt you or make you upset. Let me know if i did! You can punish me in any way you want! ...well, just don't take away my videogames! (he drew a random smiley face here).

If you're having trouble sleeping, maybe come hang out with me for a little while. I know it's a stretch, but I know robin and starfire do their...Adult things at night and cy usually has to charge his battery by late night...I'm usually up though! You're free to come visit. I won't tell anyone don't worry! The offer's always there and my door is unlocked at night if you need anything. You don't even have to knock! (insert another smiley face here.)

I hope you feel better soon, rae.

-From: (there were a few words here that were scratched out and illegible, followed by a slightly more bold signature: ) Changling. "

Angel: Raven blushed at the letter and held it close. She couldn't help but feel the warmth of his words in this cold room. Deciding to play along.

Beastboy was on his bed when a crow appeared. Dropping a neatly folded and stamped letter on his chest before it disappeared like smoke.

"Dear Changling, Nice name by the way. It's rather fitting. Do you plan to make it your new hero name?I appreciate the concern for what appears to be a more then unwelcome bad day. I know you want to tell me it's okay to feel the way I do. But feelings are not something I can have. You know how unstable my powers are. You didn't hurt me or make me upset. Nothing that has happened is your fault. The fault only lies with me. So please do not blame yourself for any of this. I will take your offer under consideration.-Raven

Me: Beast boy smiled and then looked around his room for more paper. Of course he was cleaner the more mature he had gotten, no longer being able to tolerate the smell. Most of his mess remained inside his closet though. Finally finding another paper he began his response.

A few moments later another paper slipped under her door.

"yeah, changling sounds pretty neat huh? I'll have to admit even I'm surprised I came up with that! (emoji here).  Maybe I can ask robin if my personal file can be updated.

Look, I know you're not too keen on spending an evening late at night with some weird green dude but I SWEAR. I won't make you play video games or even make you talk.  U could just come and read one of Ur books and I can do my own thing... I know how being alone can make u feel depressed."

Raven paused for a moment. She felt a chill go down her spine. Her room was so cold.. No doubt thanks to her powers reflecting her mood a little.

" the offer is always here. Even if I'm asleep or something u can wake me up! I don't care! I just want you to feel better raven."

Raven blushed deeply and sighed continuing to read the last bit.

"I'm glad I didn't mess up anything... I seriously been feeling like u were mad at me about something. But thanks raven. I won't worry anymore."

Angel: "Dear Changling,I'm sure Robin will have no problem with that. I've heard from Starfire he too is planning to soon change his Hero name to Nightwing. "Pausing on how to continue this.  But feeling...lonely? Sighing. "I know your intentions are good. But my powers are unstable right now and I'm not even sure what might happen. I would prefer not to put you in any danger as much as possible."The last part she sighed a bit. "But...I do appreciate the letters. I wasn't even sure you knew how to write.-Raven"Bahaha of course she chide at him a little. XD Well he's never written a letter for her before. Heck he didn't even write one for Terra.

Me: Beast boy scowled at her sarcastic remark. He got out yet another piece of paper -(turns out he found an old empty sketchbook he was gifted but never used).

--- Another letter under her door. Beast boy was getting out of breath at this point XD

"Night wing?!? Okay well at least my name is cooler...."

Raven giggled and then immediately blushed when she realized she was laughing... At one of beast boys jokes?!? Hell had truly frozen over... Raven hadn't noticed it yet, but as she was writing these little letters back and forth, her emotions were stabilized... And her furniture no longer was floating. Hell, even her room began to warm just a tad...

"I think ur just using Ur powers as an excuse not to hang out with me! And yes, I know what happened earlier. Rob-(scratched out) night wing told me earlier. Look, I get that u have to control Ur emotions and stuff. But u were fine before all this trigon stuff happened. Maybe u could use a distraction or two? (winky face smile emoji here)

I do know how to write but I know how to text even better. U can message me via communicator u know.......

U do know how to make a private chat with that thing don't u? "

Raven looked at her communicator which lit up right as she finished reading his message.

In all green text in a private message it read: Sup?

Angel: She texted back then:

I'm aware. Starfire and I private message from time to time. How exactly would you plan on distracting me?

Sending the massage to him then. Putting the ball back in his court. She blushed.

Me: It showed he was typing... Then it showed he wasn't... Then it showed he was. Raven watched in baited breath almost awaiting a response. Why was her heart so giddy all of a sudden? She was technically still a teen at age 18, though the giddiness of young love had not yet crawled its way into her heart.... Til now.Finally his message popped up."okay well I just found out about the private message thing tbh...." he wrote. No wonder he always replied or sent mass texts in group chat...." well I know u like to read. Why not give one of my comic books a try? Or maybe u wanna watch a scary movie?" Raven saw that he was texting her again. Another message popped up."Okay bad idea. Emotions. Bad. Got it."

Angel: She almost rolled her eyes at his text messages. They were kind of amusing. 'You're pretty insistent on me coming into your bedroom " she texted back. Bet he would read that and we'll get embaressed. XD

Me: there was a long pause on her communicator. Then It showed he was typing, followed by a long pause of not typing. Was he embarrassed? Did it go over his head? Raven was tapping her foot nervously on her bed, awaiting a response. Still hadn't noticed the stability in her soul or room...she was that engrossed in this conversation. (Just like any earth teen, amirite?) Finally, then came a response: "I just want you to feel better, Rae." Is all he wrote in that long time. Raven's face instantly turned pink. She had to put her communicator down and cover her eyes for a moment. Meanwhile, Beast boy was in his room worrying sick that she thought he was up to no good. The last thing he wanted to come off as was some kind of creep like that asshole Adonis. But maybe Raven didn't know that about him?! He just wanted her to know he was a gentleman..He was purely doing this to help out a friend and nothing more.

[thepringlesofblood]

thoughts on stranger things three  (spoilers. so many.)

this is just me yellin into the void as usual, but I like recording my opinions on things even if no one will read them 

good:

- every single scene w/ the robin, steve, erica, dustin gang, especially!!! the coming out scene. scoops?? iconic. steve and dustin’s secret handshake? transcendent. the drugged out back to the future scene? perfect. 

- eleven and max say fuck the patriarchy. love el’s new look 

- more competent women is always a win

- funhouse fight!!! carnival fight!!!FIREWORKS??!??!

- the destruction of the mall (sadly the only anticapitalist symbolism I could find)

- the scene after jonathan and nancy get fired where they’re angry about their separate marginalized identities making this loss worse. I really liked how it went into the ways it will impact both of them, and I especially liked when nancy got home and talked to her mom. 

- joyce going buckwild and getting shit done. 

- the portrayal of hypervigilance as a symptom of PTSD. All of these characters have seen some shit, and all of them pick up on the littlest things the second they present themselves because subconsciously, they’re always on edge, always aware of bad it could break. 

- most of will’s character arc. not all, but most of it. the queer experience of watching all your friends get dates and feeling like you’re missing out on something? trying to regain their interest because you feel lost and left behind? worrying that you’re not “growing up” because you don’t recognize romantic interest in yourself? not realizing you’re falling for your best friend until they get a romantic partner and suddenly you hate the partner even though they haven’t done anything wrong? a poignant, beautiful, very painful portrayal of queer teenhood. I really, really wish there was a moment that the audience realized will was in love with mike though. Like, it’s been building for a very long time. Also, a more thorough confirmation of will’s queerness would’ve been nice. I think they meant mike saying “you don’t understand bc you don’t like girls” to be that confirmation, but I want to hear it from will. Robin’s moment is so so so good though. 

- domestic fuckery 

- getting someone on the inside to help them/alexei as a character. not the symbolism or larger ramifications of his character arc, but how his knowledge and personality interacted. 

- mr clarke!!!!

- el going into someone’s memories again

- how prepared everyone is to fight because they’ve seen this shit before and robin and erica are just like ‘this might as well happen’ 

- keeping with the stranger things pattern of having a bunch of different groups of people all in different genres and then together they all meet up and go ?????

- I know every says billy didn’t get enough of a redemption arc but tbh I did not see his character development as redeeming in any way and I liked that. It didn’t excuse his abusive actions, it just explained them. There was no “oh he was secretly good all along”, no dramatic total character reversal on his death bed, just him deciding that he had enough of being controlled. Max didn’t get full closure with him, he didn’t say some big speech about being wrong or realizing the ramifications of his actions bc he hadn’t reached that point yet. he just said “I’m sorry” and died. that could mean “i’m sorry for how I’ve treated you”, “I’m sorry for how many people I’ve killed”, “I’m sorry for not being able to stop the monster”, anything. we don’t know what it means. we don’t get an explanation. It speaks to how survivors of abuse often don’t get to know why, don’t get closure, don’t get all the answers. 

- steve finally won a fight before getting the shit kicked out of him

- the whole no one knowing anything about each other bc no cell phones and/or wasnt there when It Happened. 

- Erica getting the DND set was poetic cinema 

- when joyce sees will on the firetruck and they run towards each other because finally, for once, will is completely unscathed, will isn’t the one who got hurt/possessed. I was already crying but this is the part where i had to get tissues bc I was sobbing. 

Bad:

- the red scare bullshit and glorification of capitalism. this show started out as “the US govt is doing shady shit” and now the big climatic “everything’s alright” is the army getting there?? what the fuck. There’s being accurate to the time period and then there’s sending a message. they could’ve subverted that trope in so many ways, but they just went for straight up “capitalism is great! fuck russia!” and I hated that. also, talk about one-note villainry. there weren’t even any dramatic monologues to make up for it, it just kinda sucked. 

- Hopper’s character in the beginning of the season. the scene where he gets wasted after getting stood up? shitty. not talking to el about his vaguely sexist overprotective actions? shitty. blowing up at joyce for no reason? shitty. he pulls it together in the end but it was OOC for a bit there. Plus I would kill for more “hopper and el work through their trauma together”, rather than “friend group splinters bc hopper did a yell” 

- I don’t know what to think about hopper’s death. It just hurts, and not in a satisfying, last harry potter book way. 

- why the fuck are the byers and el moving?????? did they ever give a reason???? WHY?????? WILL AND EL’S ENTIRE SUPPORT NETWORK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH AND CAN HELP THEM, IS IN HAWKINS!!!!!

- the ads. omg the ads. lucas idc about your fucking coke. there’s so much goddamn product placement. christ on a goddamn bicycle. 

- previous seasons have had body horror, but it was all black goo so it was removed from reality and conveyed a psychological, otherworldly horror. and I liked that. WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH FUCJING MEAT IN THIS ONE??? THE MIND FLAYER LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF BBQ SAUCE AND I HATED IT!!! STOP!!!THE MEATS!!!!!

- can el not be injured......for oNCE?????

- also can people stop standing around staring at shit so much? theyve seen it before. it’s not like it’s a huge shock. people stand around for like 5 minutes before Doing Things and it annoys me. with the New Kids like erica and robin it makes sense but like....whenever theres a monster mike just sits there like :o cOME ON DUDE YOU’VE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES GET A KNIFE OR SOMETHIN!!!

- WHAT. WAS. THE GREEN STUFF?????????????????? IS IT FUCKING PLUTONIUM OR SOMETHING???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! IF YOU NEED A MACGUFFIN BE LESS OBVIOUS ABOUT IT!!!

- idk about you but murray yelling at them about sex kinda rubbed me the wrong way. 

- speaking of, you caNNOT convince me that murray, 4 locks on the front door lives in a bunker murray, would take a goddamn enemy of the state to a carnival and leave him alone for any period of time. seriously????????

- look.....it was adorable.....i’ll give you that.....but.....the song dustin and suzy sang slapped me with secondhand embarrassment and genre disconnect so hard I found it impossible to enjoy. also...planck’s constant??? you could/......idk........call mr clarke????????? you’ve interrupted the man’s life for less!!!! I was also half expecting it to be joyce who remembered it from all the studying she did on the magnets. I did enjoy the whole “i met a girl at camp” story being unbelievable until it was but like I was expecting the thing she wanted him to say to be like a famous star wars love quote or something not an entire song jesus christ 

- if hopper turns out to be alive I will face god and walk backwards into hell. I suffered through supernatural, I will not be caught in a cycle of fake deaths again. 

- i get the whole “we’re growing up now” thing but aren’t they like 13? theyre still so young??? also like i dont rly care for the vague soap-opera-y vibes the core squad gave off. 

- the only people who got flayed were either a. already pretty shitty or b. completely unknown. like. it just made it less scary????

- hopper just fucking standing by the machine looking at joyce instead of running the 5 seconds up the steps into the room. seriously? was that supposed to be slow motion or was that real time??? 

- the whole thing with cerebro not working at the beginning sucked ass. 

- hey does mrs wheeler have eyes??? like??? there were exactly two (2) scenes she had with mike and nancy and both were Big Conversations like they live there right/????tbh i forgot she was their mom until those scenes bc of the whole billy thing, which i decidedly do not have an opinion on but like....do they eat breakfast there??? 

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

[klanstability]

The only way I will accept langst is if it has a really good pay off and he gets so much love and validation afterwards I'm really scared DW is just gonna brush past his arc and keep making him play the comedic role, when he's obviously in PAIN.

anon… u gotta remember that dw are also the ones writing lance’s pain.

lance’s character has been slowly but surely slipping away from Dumb/Goofy Comic Relief. what would normally have been considered “funny” lance scenes in the past are now portrayed as.. really sad. as lance gets closer to realizing that his “loverboy/goofball” persona is really only a facade to distract from his insecurities, Funny Lance Things just aren’t Funny anymore. 

for example, one of the first things we see in season 6 is a failed attempt at flirting with allura. Classic Lance. normally, this would be funny in the same way it has been in the past

lance’s flirting attempt fails spectacularly and is made a fool. how hilarious!

except that’s not how it plays out this time.

this time it’s not turned into a joke–lance isn’t injured, nor does he give an outrageous reaction. lance is momentarily embarrassed, but then they go on with business as usual. as i’ve said here when the clip first came out, this small scene speaks volumes about how lance feels at the beginning of this season: jealous.

and then the very next episode revolves around this jealousy. because it’s important to his character arc, not because its funny to watch him cry.

for comparison, in season 4 we had a pretty nice example of lance’s jealousy turned into comic relief:

it was a quick moment put in for a laugh and nothing else, because its never brought up again. matt steps off and lance goes about his business.

in season 5, its a bit more serious as lance masks his jealousy with distrust by siding with pidge when it comes to the issue of keeping lotor around

not much of a joke anymore, but not quite sad yet.

but the jealousy lance feels in season 6 is different because drives him to do more than just make faces or disagree with his team. he shows up with hunk and pidge to where lotor and allura are building the ships when they make the following “joke”:

(haha what a klutz, too distracted by the pretty girl to be aware of his surroundings! Classic Lance.)

but i want to point out that he says “the engineers… and me”. he explicitly mentions himself bc he doesn’t think he was included when hunk said “engineers”. he doesn’t lump himself in with his two best friends because he knows he doesn’t share their skills. he wants to be included anyway, but ends up just making a mess. which reminds me of this equally sad scene from last season:

and later? when hunk and pidge walk away to do other science stuff without him?

even though he offers to help, he knows he’d be the odd one out with allura and lotor, too. in fact, theyve already moved on with their work and don’t even hear him. so even though lance Does a Funny, we leave this scene feeling sorry for him more than anything.

later, hunk and pidge tease him about his crush, something else that had previously been used as comic relief:

the fake accent, lances obliviousness, his overenthusiastic reaction, and the robot smacking him all add up to this scene being intentionally Funny.

but in season 6–when lance is doing the equivalent of “here hold this wrench for me” as he “helps” pidge and hunk–they make fun of him for daydreaming about allura. but would you look at his face??

does that look like his romantic-daydream face to you?

he initiated their exchange in season 1 because he was confident in himself and his feelings, and he turned to his friends for validation. but in season 6, he’s so absorbed in his thoughts that pidge has to flick a thingy at him to get his attention

and then they tease him:

and then they tease him even more, totally unprompted, even after lance tried to deflect. 

this scene is on track to being Funny because of hunk and pidge’s impersonations, lance’s over-the-top reaction to lotor and allura having a “thing”, and this moment here near the end of the scene when lance looks like hes about to blow his top and dig himself an even deeper hole

what determines what’s comic relief and what isn’t depends on how the scene makes us feel after its over. in season 1, before it cuts to keith wandering the galra base, we get this:

but in season 6, before it cuts to keith and krolia doin their thang, we get this

not so funny anymore, huh? instead of lingering giggles about what a dumb, gullible idiot lance is, we’re left feeling kind of really sorry for him.

do i even have to mention how sad lances character from the dnd ep is????

this change is deliberate. lance has been moving down this road away from being just “The Comic Relief Character” for a while now (its what made him become my favorite character after season 4, actually!), and its because his self worth being dependent on how other perceive him is what his arc is about. to just brush it all off after theyve come this far in his development makes no sense.

why would tptb talk so extensively about lance’s development (since like, the beginning of the show, there are too many interviews to link they talk about him so much) if they never intended to follow through on it? why would lance be joaquims favorite character if they intended to turn him back into a stereotype? why would they give every other major character some great moments to change and develop, but not him?

so have patience, young anon. it’s gonna happen. lance is gonna get the love and validation he deserves. he’s just gotta believe that he actually deserves it first.

[dead-thorin]

everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning

for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive

1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up

and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”

2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING

and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!

3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4

4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house

i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it

5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating

like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO

and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition

and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD 

theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility

6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...

like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves

like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it

legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore. 

Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her

anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot