#news you can use (for horrifying construction)

[vaguegrant]

Let's check in on science today and

huh. okay then:

Astronauts probably don't want to be living in houses made from scabs and urine.

Science says so.

[strangererotica]

EXPLICIT CONTENT | MINORS DNI

Art the Clown x Reader SMUT • headcanons, how Art fucks, what he gets off to, etc

big content warning! contains some stuff that may gross you out; read at your own risk: menstruation kink, piss kink, oral sex, anal sex, object insertion, blood kink, various weapons mentioned, bondage, human hair and bones, butts and what comes out of butts, public sex, cockwarming, mostly dom!Art and sub!reader

🔪 Remember the work desk with all of Art’s weapons and tools on it? He knows you want him to fuck you, but he’s got shit to do (meaning weapons to build) so he lets you sit under the desk, cockwarming him while he works. You’re on the ground between his knees, patiently holding him in your mouth. When he finishes constructing his latest instrument of torture/slaughter, Art pats his palm against his thigh, wordlessly telling you to climb up into his lap and ride him.🩸

🔪 Art enjoys blood and guts, so it goes without saying that during your period, he’s particularly eager to fuck you. He can detect the slight change in your scent, usually aware you’ve begun to bleed even before you know. He plays with your pussy like it’s a new, special toy when you’re bleeding, spreading your lips and tracing his name on your inner thighs in red. Seeing/touching/tasting blood that comes from you is special to Art. It’s the only time he gets to play in blood without it being the result of him hurting someone, so that makes the experience unique for him. He saves your used pads for ‘alone time,’ using them later as a ‘sleeve,’ to masturbate with.🩸

🔪 Art sometimes fucks you with unconventional objects, like the handle of one of his weapons (knife, axe) or the neck of a bottle. If you’ve displeased him but he still wants to fuck you, he might deny you his cock and instead use something else, like the handle of one of his knives or the barrel of an (empty!) gun, to make you come instead of his cock, as a degrading ‘punishment.’🩸

🔪 Art loves bondage. He knows what he’s doing when it comes to tying knots, as evidenced by the multiple victims you’ve watched him restrain. He enjoys the power dynamic of being in absolute control of another person. When that crosses over into sex, you both get off on him tying you up and doing whatever the fuck he wants with your body.🩸

🔪 Art’s methods can border on sadistic at times (I mean how could they not??) but because he wants to keep you around to play with for the long haul, he never pushes you beyond the limits of safety, no matter how many new ways he comes up with to plug every hole in your body. If we know anything about Art, it’s that he’s perceptive. He studies the way your body responds to different forms of stimulation and mentally catalogs the information for later. All of his skill in crafting tools of torture means he’s able to create customized ‘toys,’ to fuck you with. But the thing is, they’re never normal, or sweet; they always contain something fucked-up and sick. Art once surprised you with a whip he’d put together for you. Its strands were soft and felt so good gliding over your clit. You came so hard when Art whipped your pussy till it was puffy and leaking. It would have been a wonderful gift, if you hadn’t realized later, upon closer inspection, that the strands now wet with your cum were in fact strands of human hair. And the custom dildo Art made for you, the one that was so smooth and colored beige/white? You later found out Art had chiseled and smoothed down a human bone to make it for you. The information almost made you sick on the spot. Art found your horrified reaction hilarious, of course, and it didn’t stop him from laying you down and fucking you with it all the same…🩸

🔪 ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL …

He loves to fuck you in the ass. Art’s a nasty little motherfucker when it comes to the stuff that comes out of butts, and I’m not gonna elaborate here, but you can use your imagination to follow where I’m going with this…🩸

🔪 Art has zero inhibitions: he kills anyone, anywhere. Imagine that relating to sex; of course he’s going to fuck you wherever he wants, including places where you might get caught. Sex in public/risky spaces feels natural to Art, because he literally does not give a single fuck. Remember the first time you ever saw him? When you stumbled out the back door of that sleazy little bar in your home town, so drunk off your ass you thought you were leaving through the front? Art was in the alleyway behind the bar, black garbage bag hoisted over his shoulder, not even looking for anyone to fuck up but when he saw you, he knew he’d found a victim for the night. He’d planned to stalk you home and do unspeakable things to you-but as you took the lead and approached him, there in the alleyway, he was caught off guard, his whole plan upended the moment you slid your arms around his waist, stood up on your tiptoes, and placed a soft, sloppy kiss on his cheek. He was awestruck, and even if he could speak, Art would still have been at a loss for words. You walked him backward a few steps, lining him up against a dumpster in the alleyway. You began fondling him through his costume, grinning when you realized his body had already begun to respond. One thing led to another, and within minutes, Art had you bent over that dumpster, with a fresh hole torn in the front of his costume where your bodies were joined…🩸

🔪 No one would associate The Miles County Clown with tenderness, but if they knew Art, they would see a softer side of him only you do. He’s still fucking deranged, don’t get me wrong. But Art also has moments of vulnerability, when there’s nothing he wants more than to hold you. Sitting in Art’s lap, he wraps his arms around you and stays still, so still, just enjoying the soft thump of your heartbeat against his, and the low hum of your breath on his chest. Your nearness calms the monster inside Art so well that sometimes, he forgets he is the monster itself…🩸

🔪 Another benefit of having you in his lap? Art realized he could use his strength to make you stay in his lap no matter how badly you had to get up and take a piss, forcing you to wet yourself all over him. You felt him gradually getting hard under you as you began to wriggle on his lap. Art could see your discomfort, and when you told him you needed to get up and take a piss, he refused to release you. You’d expect him to be smiling at you at a time like this, silently mocking you; but the look in his eyes was deathly serious, pitch black and full of a demented lust that would have had you locked you in place even if his arms hadn’t. Blushing into his shoulder, you accepted the fact that Art wasn’t letting go of you any time soon, and that he really was into this. He wanted this to happen. You allowed your bladder to empty, a soft trickle saturating your panties, followed by a steady stream of hot piss that spread over Art’s lap. His clothes were soaked through below the waist, your piss running down between his thighs and dampening the couch cushion beneath you. Art was rock hard by this point, his wet cock throbbing against your pussy. He lifted you off his lap just enough to reach between your bodies and position his tip against your entrance, then used your piss as a lube to slide inside you…🩸

[smallgodseries]

She has so many more faithful than she desires, or than realize their loyalty to her.  Fully half of those who worship her with unflagging devotion would be horrified beyond all measure if forced to clearly confront the damage they have done, if forced to see with open eyes that they betrayed their own ideals.  She despises them for refusing to look at their children without preconceptions, for refusing to understand, for refusing to see as they are seen.

To some, a mother is an architect.  She builds a house, one brick and board at a time, from the substance of her own body, sacrificing blood and bone alike to give her child a place to all their own.  But all too often, those mothers forget that when you give something away, you surrender the right to dictate its every use.  Their children decorate the house as they will.  They build new additions or cut away old construction that doesn’t suit them.  And at some point, a failure to accept this will move the mother into a new religion, as the Iron Lady takes her toll.

To others, a mother is a collector of beautiful things in need of nurturing and protection, and has no part in the original construction, but only and essentially in the ornamentation.  And in those cases, she must still find a way to accept that her child will one day change out the wallpaper, or hang new curtains, or discover rooms neither of them were aware had been built in the original blueprints.  Those mothers, too, must master the art of stepping back and saying “I see you, I know you, I love you even if you are not exactly as I assumed.”

Too many assume the Iron Lady owns only the hearts of those who are actively abusive, intentionally cruel, the ones who hit or deprive or withhold their affections out of malice.  But rot has no morality, and even those who mean the best can damage without understanding the depth of what they’ve done.

She has too many faithful.  She can turn none of them aside.  She only hopes that kinder gods will see the scars of those she does not claim, and take mercy, and lead them to a safer haven, a harbor, and a home.

[artbyblastweave]

How would you say the x-men are "turbo-fucked". Is it just the common criticsms that ppl say about them or do you have real specific point ppl haven't brought up yet? (Not trying to be aggressive here, just curious)

My stance is essentially an amalgamation of every free-floating complaint about the X-Men you've ever heard- that it's a bad metaphor for oppression because real minority groups can't kill buildings full of people on a whim, that the comics are frequently tone deaf in the comparisons drawn between real and fantasy oppressions (Kitty with the hard R, oppression-splaining to a Pakistani-American girl), the ugly ways in which the metaphor can intersect with real-life issues of nationalism and ethnonationalism (Is Magneto a Zionist? Locked after 12,000 pages, etc). Moreover there were always going to be fundamental cracks in the foundation because mutants-as-civil rights metaphor was a retrofit that they pivoted to from what was originally transparently a time-saving measure for the mass-production of silver-age cops-and-robbers participants. Even then it's still theoretically possible to make the metaphor work, but I think that the demands of serial publication are particularly injurious to the metaphor because it prevents the creation of a specific, unified, finite narrative that can dig into this in a way that sticks. They'll be stuck treading water on the issue forever, held back from really internalizing the thorny-but-interesting implications or meaningfully adjusting the status quo as long as the X-Men need to remain available in the toybox for future writers. The closest they can get is the umpteenth "mutants claw their way back from the brink of extinction" storyline. Are we on the second or third mutant ethnostate collapse?

At the same time you have to hold space for the fact that the X-Men are only uniquely vulnerable to these criticisms because X-Men authors had the audacity to try to center these themes, to try and use the space as it existed to do something new and thoughtful. 50 years of hindsight have made us aware of the limitations of what can be done with those themes within the monthly-serial context, but that wasn't clear at the time, and let's be real, we wouldn't be talking about this franchise at all if Claremont hadn't shot his shot and gotten the ball rolling. Perfect is the enemy of good, comic books are a conversation, yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway I can't recommend The Power Fantasy highly enough- it's an indie thing by Keiron Gillen that's heavily in conversation with the X-Men specifically (informed by his recent run on the book), making full-use of an alternate-history to explore the idea of X-Men flavored people with superpowers as a geopolitics-altering thing-unto-themselves, the limitations of attempting to construct superhumans as a unified demographic, and the horrifying but specific ethical nightmare scenarios that emerge from Great Man Theory of history having actually become true.

[bots-and-cons]

Howdy again! Is it possible you could do the same prompt l asked last time (reader dies and turns cybertronian) but with Autobots instead of cons? Thank you so much!!!!

A/N: If someone’s interested in the decepticon version you can find that here. Ratchet has morals, hence no human experimentation on the autobots’ part

•You were taken by the decepticons and experimented on 

•Ever since the whole thing with Silas, Knockout and Shockwave were both interested in if they could repeat the experiment

•It was mostly Shockwave though, Knockout thought what happened to Breakdown was absolutely disgusting, but he also wanted to know how it was done, so repeating the experiment on you was a chance for that

•So, they did their experiment, constructing you a body from vehicon parts and putting the necessary parts from you into it

•Anyway, the cons returned you to the autobots in a rather cruel manner, basically Megatron just tossed you at their feet saying something like “I believe this is your pet”

•Ratchet worked for days to make sure you would survive in your new body, but he had a lot of trouble, because he didn’t know how much at all about human anatomy or biology

•Shockwave and Knockout had already done most of the work for him though, so he just had to finish the job and make sure you would continue to stay alive

•When you woke up, you were very confused, and scared too

•Your head was all foggy, you couldn’t remember much of anything, certainly not how you’d come to be this way

•It took a couple of days for you to be even able to move your arms or legs, and being able to stand and walk took much longer

•Ratchet was there to look after you the whole time, someone had to be, because you were pretty confused most of the time

•You had a lot of gaps and holes in your memory, you knew things like your name and you knew the autobots were friendly or at least not a threat to you, but you didn’t know who they were or what they were like

•You also didn’t remember anything about how you’d been made into this thing you now were

•You knew you used to be human, but it felt like it had been a dream

•Optimus was of course furious that the decepticons had done this to you, but he kept it under control, so hardly anyone noticed

•Except for Ratchet of course, he was also horrified by what had been done to you and he honestly just tried not to think about it most of the time, because you were still alive

•Arcee was probably the most visibly furious about the whole thing, she even ranted a little about how this was the last straw, etc etc

•Bee was also seething, but his anger was more mixed with this overwhelming sadness and confusion, he had seen the decepticons committing countless atrocities, but this was undoubtedly among the worst

•The whole team had a very hard time understanding how the decepticons could do this, you were no threat to them

•They were all furious, but they tried to keep a lid on it, some managed that better than others, because they wanted to aid in your recovery

•Your recovery was very slow, but they all tried to be there for you as best as they could

•You had to learn to control your new body, and all that came with being a pseudo-cybertronian

•Ratchet kept scanning you constantly for the first three months, at least twice a day, more if something unusual happened

•You had a very hard time mentally for a long while, because of getting used to your new body, never being able to see your family/friends again, and the fact that you had been dead

•Even though you didn’t exactly remember how you had been experimented on, the whole thing still plagued you in your nightmares

[genericpuff]

yeah so let's talk about the scenes between hades and thanatos that went from being goofy "haha a boss being hard on an employee" 'jokes' to child abuse as soon as it was revealed that hades was thanatos' adoptive father

and yes i'm putting a content warning jump for ❗❗❗ child abuse and neglect ❗❗❗

so first off, before we even get into the Thanatos / Hades father son relationship thing, I wanna mention a sequence in Episode 39 and why I think Rachel included the scene of Hades reaming Thanatos for being bad at his job.

And it's simply because of what happens the episode before.

Persephone's ableism aside (seriously, I have legs, that doesn't mean I want to walk everywhere, I also own a car, that doesn't mean I have to drive everywhere, maybe flying is tiring? Maybe he's injured and shouldn't be flying? Maybe he has a disability that results in him having wings that can't fly? Check yourself Persephone 😒) this is one of the earliest signs of LO's "Revenge for Persephone" problem which is CONSTANT throughout the narrative - that anytime Persephone is slighted or inconvenienced in the slightest, then the narrative needs to ensure there's some kind of revenge, either directly for her sake or indirectly for the audience's, and it's often always facilitated through or by Hades.

And that leads us to Episode 39, which is when we get exactly that.

Moving onto the scene itself, this is what we call in the work environment a "dressing down". This is not how legitimate employee reviews are given. Hades is not planning on giving him any sort of formal review or constructive criticism. He's planning on tearing him a new asshole just for the fun of doing so. You can even see it written on his face. He's doing this just for the joy of tearing him down. As someone who's been subject to this kind of behavior in previous work environments, I can assure you that this is not normal behavior that's indicative of a functioning workplace, this is abuse.

Taking that train scene into account, it's a way to indirectly "avenge" Persephone. She was slighted by Thanatos, so now Hades is going to make his life hell. But here's the thing - this not revenge for Persephone's sake. Hades doesn't even know Persephone's in the building, and Persephone doesn't know that Thanatos is being berated by Hades. But the scene is here anyways because of course the audience needs to feel "better" about Persephone getting pushed by a stranger at the train stop.

Now, scenes like this have been done in other stories, often times to explain the behavior of bullies/aggressors/etc. because in many cases, textbook bullies, whether children or adults, are abusing others because they're being abused by a higher authority so they take it out on those "weaker" than them.

But this doesn't work in LO, for several reasons.

First off, it pretty much plays it off like a joke, especially when the scene continues after Persephone has walked into Tower 4.

But beyond that, the higher authority abusing Thanatos is someone we're expected to root for. He's the main love interest. While this could be written as a legitimate character flaw, we all know now, in the year 2023, that Rachel sees Hades' behavior as a feature, not a bug. While most scenes written like this would cast a new perspective on a bully and allow some room for understanding and empathy from the audience, in LO's case, we're still not expected to empathize with Thanatos here, they want us insulting him right alongside Hades.

And of course, that brings us to the big blue elephant in the room - the knowledge of Hades and Thanatos' relationship completely re-contextualizes these scenes in a way that's far too depressing and horrifying for a writer like Rachel to be able to wrap up confidently.

Of course, she tried, but her efforts... can't even really be called efforts. For starters, because a lot of it is played off as a joke, as if Rachel can't handle even a single moment of legitimate emotion, she has to "write off the awkward" by making things "funny".

But when she does try to seriously write these scenes of introspection, reflection, and communication, it just winds up turning into the main protagonists going "woe is me, I was the real victim!" and never actually suffering consequences for their actions as a result as they Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss their victims into apologizing to them. It still isn't asking us to empathize with or side with Thanatos, it wants us to end up right back at square one supporting Hades' side of the story.

Literally "well you weren't that bad, at least you were there!" bare minimum accountability, followed by "well I didn't make your life easy so I get it" from someone who was literally a child who was abandoned and left to live with an abusive asshole. It wasn't his fault that he was in the situation he was in, it wasn't his fault that he was a "handful" for Hades because he was a CHILD and Hades was the ADULT, but the comic paints it as Thanatos being at fault anyways for being "ungrateful".

But there are even more subtle signs that point to Thanatos' childhood with Hades that, while not specifically mentioning it, do paint a pretty nasty picture of how Thanatos views Hades and the people around him as a result of his childhood, in a very fridge horror "stop and think about it" kind of way.

First of all, the fact that Thanatos hasn't even been allowed to touch Hades' car. Obviously he's referring to specifically driving it but it makes me wonder what kind of bare minimum accommodations Hades made for his own adopted son. Again, played off for a joke.

And of course we have this one piece of concept art-

Now to be fair, this is concept art from before it was retconned that Thanatos was Hades' son, but it still casts an icky implication in hindsight both because of Hades' treatment towards Thanatos as well as the implication that Thanatos was getting "too close" to Persephone for Hades' liking. This sort of weird dynamic can be found in the actual comic when Hades admits he knows Thanatos was sleeping with Minthe.

And then there was this one scene, which prompted me to write this post in the first place, shared in the ULO Discord.

Thanatos has just met Daphne, so it's not necessarily weird for him to be suspicious of her asking for his phone, but the actual dialogue... doesn't line up with what you'd assume he would be suspicious of.

He doesn't say "you're not going to peek through it, are you?"

He specifically says "You're not going to smash it, are you?"

Now, if this line were intended to be anything more than some throwaway "haha funny" line (which, again, where's the punchline here) then maybe it could point more to something that happened between him and Minthe. But there's nothing that implies she was ever violent towards him, and the one time she IS violent towards anyone, it's implied that's the first and only time she's ever escalated things to that point and that even she's shocked and disgusted at her own behavior.

There is plenty to imply that Thanatos was abused by Hades, though.

So reading this line in hindsight... really just feels like further proof on a growing pile of evidence that Thanatos was constantly being berated, controlled, and abused by Hades, a guy who he never asked for as a father figure, but was still expected to apologize to anyways.

But there is one last thing I wanna mention before I wrap up. One thing that was mentioned by yet another user in the ULO community that really stood out to me because it just goes to show how horrible Hades has been towards Thanatos, both in the past pre-retcon and in the present well after it was established that they were father and (adopted) son.

And that's Hades' two dream sequences that involve him having children with Persephone.

One of these scenes is from before the retcon. The other is from after.

Neither one features Thanatos as a part of Hades' visions for the future.

Hades has been Thanatos' entire life. But Hades doesn't see Thanatos as even a part of his.

[outerwilds-events]

For @owtechnolich

The Hatchling brought a present from space; Slate is delighted, Gossan is horrified. 

Submitted by @wetratman

———

“Hornfels!” The sound echoed easily through the Hearthian village, the crater cool and shaded in the early dawn. “I brought you a present!”

The aforementioned physicist’s head popped out next to the observatory’s telescope, pupils dilated widely from the dim. “Hatchling? You did? You didn’t have to.”

Outer Wilds Venture’s newest member appeared from their ship, having landed nondestructively enough on the rim of the village crater. “Well, that’s good,” they said, smiling bashfully. “Because it’s honestly more for Slate than you. But I hope you like it anyways!”

“I just have to - thanks the stars Gabbro helped me put wheels on - get it inside,” they continued, having climbed back into their ship, just a voice and a pair of legs dangling. “Can you go grab Slate and Gossan? They’ll want to see it. Or, well, I want them to see it.” Gossan will be horrified, they thought, with the smallest amount of satisfaction.

It didn’t take Hornfels long to gather the other founders in the museum, all grouped around a cloth-covered, roughly cylindrical shape (a bit cramped between the other exhibits; Hal would have to help with rearranging later). The Hatchling grabbed the edge of the patchwork sheet concealing the shape beneath, did a stilted sort of flourish with their hands, winced, and finally yanked it away to reveal their little souvenir.

“You did not. Hatchling, you-“ Gossan sighed and buried their face in their hands.

The Hatchling beamed. “I present to you, Timber Hearth’s first live specimen of an anglerfish! Fresh from Dark Bramble.”

The tank was a mess of glass from an old terrarium (Before Outer Wilds Ventures learned to grow plants on other astral bodies, Hornfels thought them necessary to maintain morale) and strips of tape that, miraculously, maintained the pressure within. Inside, sheathed in pale fog, floated a malignant little creature with a reddish glow about its bobbing esca. Curved teeth, half the length of its entirety, jutted from a mouth pried permanently ajar, while listless black eyes stared forward.

“That,” Slate said slowly, squinting to examine their treasure. “Is an abomination against nature. I love it dearly, Hatchling, thank you!” They circled the tank, arms held frantically outwards as though they’d embrace the creature within.

“Of course. I think it’s a bit younger than the, uh, not-alive specimen we have. Here, lemme-“ The Hatchling slid the tanks side-by-side. “It’s smaller, at least.”

Gossan crouched and dipped their head close to the tank, brow creased in a frown. “Hatchling..” they began, “you can’t possibly expect to be able to keep this. How big do anglerfish even get? What do they eat?”

The Hatchling’s face brightened. “Oh, they get big! Like… significantly larger than my ship.”

“How did you even-“ Gossan cut themself off, face turning as hard as the stone they’d been named for. “Hatchling. Dark Bramble? Tell me you didn’t.”

They had the courtesy to look a bit sheepish, as did Hornfels and Slate to look the other way. “I might’ve.”

“No!”

“For science,” the Hatchling added helpfully.

Gossan pinched the shallow bridge of their nose, a gesture that Slate was well used to seeing after showing off a new ship prototype. “And you didn’t feel the need to tell anyone beforehand? Stars… come with me. We need to talk.” They led the Hatchling outside by the hand, while the younger Hearthian offered half-formed not-quite-apologies.

Slate, ever-sensitive, allowed the pair roughly two seconds to exit the museum before snapping their fingers loudly, the sound echoing off the wooden walls - like most of the Hearthian village, the building had been constructed with acoustics in mind. “Shucks.”

“You can say that again,” Hornfels huffed quietly. “Poor hatchling.”

———

“So, you’re telling me, anglerfish are meant to be blind?” Slate’s flashlight scattered in the tank’s fog, sending an unhearthly pale glow over the museum wall opposite the beam. “Like, all of them?”

After promising their flight instructor to bring the anglerfish back to Dark Bramble as soon as it outgrew its current tank, the Hatchling was finally allowed to help examine the creature. Hornfels had abdicated the project to the two, unable or unwilling to look at the awful creature for much longer, and Gossan stayed away out of principle. “Yeah, all of them. Even the Nomai say- said so.”

“Oh. Alright. You’re sure?” Slate’s brow ridge quirked upward.

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, it never does anything when I want it to, of course, but I guess I can try to show you…” They turned their flashlight right onto the anglerfish, casting its twisted, fanged visage into sharp, grotesque relief. As the light hit its eyes, something behind the filmy black cornea shone red. “Sometimes it moves when I do this.”

Very observantly: “It’s not moving.”

Slate smacked the Hatchling’s shoulder lightly. “Sometimes! It’s a stubborn little-“ they cleared their throat. “Anyway, you can see that it has normal… what’s the word? Eye structure things. Like a Hearthian fish does.”

“If we assume that we share an ancestor-“ the Hatchling shivered at the thought, “-it could just be some leftover structure. I don’t know why they’d even need sight. They hunt just fine without it.”

Silence settled over the museum, interrupted only by Hornfels’ footsteps overheard, the soft strumming of a distant string instrument, and the oddly loud rasp of the anglerfish. For something so small, it was loud, even just sitting passively - one would think that too many anglerfish would drive off one another’s prey.

“Hatchling, would you say that anglerfish are solitary hunters? Only one or two around in any given place?”

“From what I can tell, yeah. Why?”

“But they all hatch in the same spot, don’t they?”

“Again, yes. Why?”

Slate leaned forward to stare the museum pet exhibit in its ghoulish little eyes. “Maybe their hatchlings have some sense of vision, so they can find a nice dark little place to cozy up in, so they’re not competing for prey with all the other little beasties.”

The Hatchling frowned, a little crease appearing at the dead center of their four eyes. “They have such good hearing, I don’t see why they’d need sight.”

“I dunno. I’m no biologist,” Slate said, “and it would take a lot more observing to figure it out.” They grinned. “A lot more anglerfish, too.”

“Gossan will hate us.”

“Nah, I took out their eye and they like me just fine. Or, well enough.“ At the Hatchling’s hesitation, Slate continued, “If you bring me another anglerfish, I promise I’ll tell them it was entirely my idea.

“It was entirely your idea!”

“Then I promise I’ll tell the truth. Now go! And try not to die without bringing your ship back.”

[meekmedea]

Imagine if snakified Clemensia became vengeful and broke Reaper out of the zoo to help her kill Gaul for the snake tank stunt...

AHH this is very interesting to think about, it's been on my mind since I first saw it.

Was at work earlier and didn't get the chance to type this out till now 😅

~~~~~

Assumption - instead of finding Coriolanus after the Arena collapses, she runs past his room and makes it out of the hospital. Thus Clemensia gets home and shocks her parents with her new appearance. Her parents took one look and just knew - that’s not the flu (or whatever lie the hospital fed them). 

Borrowing the book's timeline where there's quite some days between the snake bite and her reappearance. Also taking the part from the book where Clemensia thinks those in the hospital were gonna kill her, I feel like her parents take this fairly seriously. 

Endymion and Aelia are angry after hearing everything. And of the two, it’s Endymion you have to watch out for. That’s his little girl. If he did not care about the social impact it’d leave on his family, he’d have committed a murder in broad daylight. Instead, he acts shocked and outraged when the hospital informs him that his daughter is missing. 

`

Meanwhile Clemmie has been hidden away to her grandmother’s side of the family. Her parents can fake finding her later and use it to insist that given the hospital’s track record, they don’t trust their daughter to be in their care.

She wants Gaul dead just as much as her father. But she’s going about a different route. So with great persuasion, one night, one of her cousins sneaks her into the zoo to meet Reaper to offer him freedom, on the condition that he helps her kill Gaul. It’s a bit more selfish. If Reaper is caught trying to kill Gaul, then it’s just “he’s District, what did you expect?”

`

Reaper’s not an idiot - such a condition is too good to be true. Plus the two are still on meh terms (they don’t really have a relationship of any sort to begin with). But he is sympathetic/horrified after learning what caused her appearance. 

This begins a series of visits late at night (she’s a bit vain about her appearance) where they attempt to bargain over his freedom for __. And sort of know each other a bit better as a bonus.

To the public’s knowledge, Clemmie is still ‘missing’ while her father is sowing seeds of distrust regarding Gaul and the whole mentor program. First Arachne dies. His daughter is then involved in some ‘sudden’ illness and missing. Then more mentors die / are injured in an explosion. Like wow, maybe these games are more trouble than it's worth. Gaul can’t even manage the tributes. Much less the mentors.

`

Reaper: What about the rest of the tributes? We can’t just leave them to their fates.  Clemmie: I can't free them all! I’m just one person! 

They bargain down to include Dill in this. She’s been slowly getting a bit better, courtesy of Clemmie’s medication / food she’s been bringing every night. 

`

A plan is figured out - Cleopatra’s side of the family has connections -  they learn that there’s no cameras inside the ‘newly constructed’ arena and there are exits/people to bribe so they can sneak Reaper and Dill out at night. It also involves faking a death or two.

Originally Clemmie wasn’t going to come the night before the games mainly because this would be when her parents ‘find’ her after she’s been missing for so long. She has a change of heart and sneaks in to visit Reaper once everyone is gone. 

Although the book timeline would have her appear on the first day of the games, Clemmie doesn’t in this AU. She’s persuaded that a longer disappearance could work in her favour. 

It does. She’s been missing for nearly a week now, people are bound to talk. People do ask Coriolanus what happened that caused her to be in the hospital in the first place, and his vague non-answer aren’t looking great for him. 

`

That night, the plan is to get Dill and Reaper out. 

Dill makes it out. But Clemmie ends up stuck in the arena with Reaper when the plan is complicated by Sejanus and Coriolanus in the arena. The important thing here is that none of them cross paths. 

Also teenagers are not best known for their rationality. Especially not ones who’d recently undergone some sort of human experimentation. They end up seeing Bobbin attack Coriolanus. Presumably dead post-attack. 

Reaper, upon finding out Bobbin's still alive: We gotta get him out too! Clemmie: Fine! 

The hideout is now a bit more crowded than originally expected

Don’t question Capitol medicine, but Bobbin is awake in the morning (maybe not walking around) but grouchy. Also uber wary of all this, can you blame him? He did nearly get beaten to death by Coriolanus. 

He gets the bed. As does Dill in the spare room. 

That night Reaper and Clemmie rock-paper-scissors for the couch. He wins, but they end up sharing anyway.

Okay, this got a lot longer than I expected, I'm gonna reblog part 2

[transient-winds]

Wind Breaker Chapter 153: Heat

Spoilers ahead! Also um idk if this gonna be a long one, but this chapter do be wildin'

So, Takiishi's mindscape is...interesting to say the least.

It's completely trashed and kinda looks like a horder's house. Interesting to note is that there's dead trees here, perhaps it wasn't always that way beforehand but a wild fire broke out and made it a wasteland (literally).

The sudden combustion and scorched corpses is such a visual. What a horrifying(ly beautiful) scene honestly. Nii-sensei did such an amazing job, it looked like a horror manga!

Those people in Takiishi's mindscape, I'm assuming they previously fought him but were scorched by Takiishi's flames as he defeated them. None of them, standing even a chance to knock him down a peg.

Speaking of, I don't know if this has any correlation to Takiishi's mindscape but a lot of these visuals remind me of Avīci, aka the worst and most painful of the Eight Hot Narakas. In *Genshin's Buddhist text the Ōjōyōshū (往生要集, lit. The Essentials of Rebirth in the Pure Land), one of the regions he described within this level is the Region of the Bird. It said that within this region, a gigantic bird with a fire-breathing beak would swoop in and grab a sinner only to drop them onto the firey ground, shattering them. Remaining unamed, the descriptions of this bird shares similarities to the Karura (which I had mentioned on a previous post about Takiishi). So um take that info as you will.

*A Japanese Buddhist monk from the Heian period.

The way Takiishi looks at Umemiya is fascinating as well. Umemiya surrounded by flames, either his own or Takiishi's (I'm inclined to believe it's Takiishi's), and yet remain relatively unscathed despite looking charred. As if both of their flames are equally fighting for the chance to consume the other. It's like watching a trainreck in the making wherein you know the aftermath is gonna be brutal but you just can't look away from it.

Or perhaps it's like watching a forest fire. In nature, forest fires are destructive but they can also be a source of rebirth. When the dust is settled, sunlight can penetrate the soil that was once blocked by the leaves and the branches, the ashes from the forest remains becoming fertilizers to breathe life to a new forest and an entirely new ecosystem. A chance of renewal if you will, but will that the be the fate of Takiishi and Endo? We'll see.

I very much enjoy the fire symbolism Nii-sensei is using for both Takiishi and Umemiya because fire can be both destructive and constructive. History has taught us that civilization was built with the aid of fire and it was also used to destory it. So I'm enjoying double entendre of it all.

Honorable mentions:

Sakura "He feels so distant" Haruka. I just want to wrap my sweet child in a blanket, he's so worried guys 😭🤧. I need his face to be happy and smiling again pls.

Endo, a pot calling kettle black much?

–

Thank you Nii-sensei for another great chapter and Jacqueline Fung as well for the official translation! Please go and support them via the official international release in Kodansha.

[uva124]

Hello everyone! As these days I have not been able to draw much I decided to try my first writing for my wish Au, I am very new in these things so if you can give constructive criticism I would appreciate it very much!

But first of all I have to give some warning:

-This is angst

-If you haven't seen some of my posts you probably won't understand much of this, if you want you can take a look at my profile :]

-TW: Blood, character death.

You have been warned, that being said I hope you enjoy the read!

Fear

That's all Haedus can feel right now, he can't think of a solution, he can't move, even if he could breathe he probably couldn't at this moment, all he can do is see Magnifico holding Nembus tightly by the neck with a sadistic smile that reminds him deeply of a monster with sharp teeth.

The whole room is silent, nothing can be heard except for the faint cry of Nembus.

Haedus tries to give a glance to the place where they are to find something that can distract the maniac couple from his little brother, there is nothing, he can only identify the horrified face of Asha on the verge of tears looking directly between Nembus and an unconscious Naos in the corner. To tell the truth he can feel the tears running down his face too, they don't deserve this They are just children for God's sake! I would never have thought the couple could get to this point, but it's too late now.

All he feels is rage and hatred towards Magnifico and Amaya, fear for his little brother's life, but above all frustration with himself, how could he let this happen? He himself promised to protect them at all costs since he met them and now he has failed.

"DON'T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING TO THEM OR I SWEAR-"

"Do what, try to kill me with your useless powers? Or lecture me? Awww you still don't seem to understand the fact that in this world you are a FOOL, you are nobody, so stop pretending to be the savior of a fairy tale" The star was identifying the lord's mood as he said every word, but he couldn't care less when he sees the terror filled eyes of the smaller star as Magnifico tightened his grip even tighter.

More and more you can see Nembus having more and more difficulty to stay conscious, the stars can't breathe and remember hearing that they couldn't be hurt by mortals either, however this guy for some reason has the power to generate wounds to them or in this case axphysize us, or do some damage to their necks, who cares? Haedus has to do something now.

He can hear Asha yelling at the couple and trying to stay as strong as possible, however before he knows it he is already flying at full speed towards the couple, hell his powers are useless, if he can at least get Nembus out of their hands that's enough for him, but before he can even get close Magnifico creates a greenish colored barrier that prevents the passage, the young star can still see the evil expression of the adult.

" Hehe I wouldn't do that if I were you, now that you are close enough let me warn you what will happen if you take one more step and don't do as I say" after saying this sentence Magnifico's face turned into a grim expression as he created an emerald green energy staff and points it towards Nembus.

"NO-" That's all Haedus can hear coming from Asha until he only hears white.

Haedus sees red.

Magnifico stabbed Nembus. The boy's eyes open letting out a scream full of pain followed by a cry that makes a shiver run through the whole body of the young star, if before he was angry now the only thing he can feel is pain ,panic and above all HATE.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO! don't do anything to him please! leave him alone I'll do whatever you say ok?! just don't do anything they have nothing to do with this." That's the only thing that can come out of the major star's mouth at the moment, his panicked look seems to give them a great satisfaction to the maniacs that had Nembus at the moment.

"Oh how sweet, looks like they were family after all wasn't it sweetie?" now it was Amaya's turn to tease the vulnerability of the young couple and the two little stars.

Before the adult couple could continue talking they see the young girl running off in a certain direction.

Oh naive as always Asha.

-ASHA'S POINT OF VIEW----------------------

Asha was sobbing at this point, how could this happen, why of all the people who could help Haedus and his siblings did she have to be the one on the roof that night, now everything is a mess because of her, if she hadn't been so naive, so selfish, so pessimistic-No. she can't be blaming herself right now, there has to be a way to help, there has to be something she can do! Looking around the room she can see Naos unconscious in the corner of the room, without hesitation she runs to his direction, she has to help these children with her life, they can't-.

"What do you think you're doing young ady?" before he can reach towards where the child was there is a green hand picking up the small body of the child with golden curls like gold.

Naos is now visibly awake, but as soon as he regains consciousness his expression changes to one of horror at the sight of the new scenario. Asha can do nothing but stand still in panic "And I thought you were my most faithful assistant Asha, I know you were always....different but I didn't think it would come to this, I feel totally betrayed, after all I did-" The words of the asult man are interrupted with Asha's words spitting like poison.

"DO SOMETHING FOR ME?!!! ALL YOU DID WAS DESTROY ALL MY HOPES JUST LIKE YOU DID TO EVERYONE ELSE, I'M THE ONE WHO CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD GO TO THE POINT OF HARMING TWO LITTLE CHILDREN YOU PIECE OF-"

"Oh please they're just stars! They're not even human or anything, besides being useless compared to us, however they can be a great source of power don't you think? let me show you." The adult's voice is chillingly carefree and humorous, Asha could feel from before she finishes the sentence a shiver running down her spine, something is going to make "No-".

"AAAAAAAHHH" Nembus gives a scream so loud that it runs through the entire room, his golden colored tears slowly turning a dark greenish.

Nembus was pierced by Magnifico's scepter.

No.....no no no no no no no NO! Naos can't get hurt! He still has so much to live for, Asha still has to teach him how to draw like she promised! She still must buy him and his brother candy, she still must take them to that silly parade they have every year in Rosas, please, they need more time, there are so many things she needs to show them.

Asha's train of thought is interrupted by Haedus' scream and Magnifico's uncontrollable laughter as the latter's staff becomes enveloped in a magical golden aura that upon reaching the man's hand causes his eyes to turn a brilliant green. Nembus gradually gets dark scars that resemble the edge of withered tree branches as his screams gradually turn to sobs.

The young lady is enraged, but before she can say anything Magnificent finishes absorbing Nembus' magic as he laughs in satisfaction at having star magic coursing through his body, he grabs his beloved wife's hand as she only has such a delicate smile but one that Asha from afar can identify as sadistic, soon after she too is enveloped in a purple aura as her eyes turn a bright green "I would like to stay to continue enjoying this , but my beloved and I have a party to attend so if you'll excuse me."

Magnifico pulls the staff from Nembus' body with a quick movement ignoring Haedus' screams and the crying of the little stars, then proceeds to make a quick movement with the staff ending with it touching the floor with a sound that echoed throughout the room, now only Asha sees a green flash and then nothing.

Magnifico and Amaya are gone.

The only thing left are the bodies of Nembus and Naos lying on the floor, the latter tries with all his might to go and hug his little brother as soon as he touches the floor but he is too weak to make it. The only thing he can do is to grab the little hand of the other little star before being unconscious again.

Asha comes out of her state of shock quickly to go check on the condition of the two children, but before she gets there someone is already there, Asha can see Haedus panic as tears run down his face with a pained and worried expression.

The young girl can't help but wonder "How could I let this happen?".

HAEDUS'S POINT OF VIEW-------------------

Haedus flies to his siblings, he just wants to hold them in his arms again.

He carries both children as he kneels down, the image in his head where the man stabs Nembus still lingers in his head, but he tries to calm his little siblings just the same.

"You two ere going to be okay! I promise I- I'll find a way to fix it ok? You're going to be fine, we're going to be fine, when this is over I'll take you two to that place they wanted to go so badly with Asha and I, you're going to love it just- please don't leave me...." Haedus at this point can only stammer in panic What is he going to do? He doesn't know how to reverse the wounds of the stars, he knows almost nothing about this world.

His thoughts are interrupted by Asha coming running to see the state of the 3, the older star also notices the panic in his eyes, quickly Haedus passes Asha an unconscious Naos, he won't know how to treat wounds, but at this moment he is desperate, he can't lose Nembus, not his family.

He cradles Nembus in his arms as he tries to examine him, however the sobs and agitation of the little star do not make the task easy "I know it hurts Nembus but you are going to be fine, I am here ok? your brother is going to take care of you but I need you to let me see the wound" Haedus feels his voice shaking but he does his best efforts to make it not so noticeable.

However the little star's sobs are getting faster and shorter.

Haedus manages to see the large wound covered with golden blood covering the small body of his little brother.

Haedus knows what is going to happen to the little star.

Haedus does not want to acept it.

"I know it hurts baby but I have to get you up just- we have to get out of here ok? c"mon, you can baby c"mon, c"mon baby ,c"mon you can we'll get out of this like we always did with Naos remember?" Star tries to carry the child, this only increases his cries "I know baby, I know, I know, I know, I know! Just stay awake yet I- just stay with me please, I know it hurts...."

Again the babbling begins, panic is creeping up on the girl and the star.

"I know it hurts, I know, I know..."

Haedus's voice is getting louder and more desperate.

Asha doesn't know what to do

"Stay awake please I-"

Nembus' cries are getting softer and less loud.

"ASHA HELP ME!"

Haedus turns his head in Asha's direction for help.

"Edus........."

The star knows what the young girl wants to say but can't- HIS LITTLE BROTHER CAN'T LEAVE!

The star turns its head again in the direction of Nembus.

The little star no longer cries.

It no longer writhes in pain.

The kid no longer has the gleam of childish joy in her eyes.

Nembus is no longer there.

"No- Nembus wake up come on little buddy no-just wake up please! don't leave me don't leave me please don't leave me please, I'll be a better brother I promise just-don't go"

Haedus hears Asha's sobs, but soon everything turns to white noise again.

Edus gives his little brother a kiss on the forehead.

"Forgive me please, sorry I'm so sorry, forgive me pleae sorry, I'm so sorry forgive me please…" These are the only words he can articulate as he finishes saying goodbye while his voice grows weaker from crying.

Asha soon kneels down next to Haedus to say goodbye to the little star, but no words come out, only pain-filled sobs.

Nembus is gone.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry not sorry :D

So …… I don't know if it's the right thing to do but some of these sketches really took me several attempts to be satisfied, so why not do a DTIYS challenge?

There is no deadline really, if you want you can participate or not, use any material you want, you can draw any of the sketches I used for this scripture and please tag me to see it! I would love to see your drawings.

Again I hope you enjoyed the reading see you later! ✨✨✨✨

@annymation @emillyverse @rascalentertainments @oh-shtars @tumblingdownthefoxden @your-ne1ghbor @signed-sapphire @spectator-zee

[marinettesaltprompts]

In Brightest Day (Part 2)

Adrien Sugar x GLtAS (+ a bit of YJ)

Prompt by @somereaderinblue

Viridian meets Kilowag. 

“This is my son.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean, I love him!”

“Was talking to the poozer.”

He was tougher than nails but he never played favourites & he always had Hal’s back. By extension, this meant he had Viridian’s too. He’s by-the-book but he’s also a dad & damn if he’s not unofficially Adrien’s godfather/uncle.

Sure, the Guardians weren’t as receptive, but again, Hal had his back every. Single. Time. There’s also Ganthet who pretty much guessed Adrien was Hal’s & unofficially adopted him as a grandson. He is to Adrien everything Fu wishes he could be.

GLtAS events happen & Viridian is along for the ride. He introduces Aya to anime, cartoons, memes, the works & encourages her to embrace emotions. It’s more awkward with Razer, but one day, the Red Lantern helps him with his homework & they’re discussing abt physics. A week later, Adrien shows off his skills with the staff & Razer teaches him how to throw shuriken.

Adrien mourns Aya’s death & before Razer leaves, he warns him not to lose himself to grief like Gabriel did.

They return to Earth & Hal introduces Adrien to the other sidekicks. Young Justice is formed & during the events of Misplaced, Adrien briefly returns to Paris to help with organization & rescue.

LB doesn’t recognize him until she hears him crack a joke. When she asks, he hesitates too long & she pounces on it like a shark scenting blood. Calls him a coward & a fake unworthy of wearing that ring and showing his face back in Paris and trying to get in her way again.

But Viridian quickly composes himself & even scolds her for acting so unprofessional while they’re in the middle of a global crisis.

All of this is recorded by a bystander & after everything is over, it goes viral. It also doesn’t help that since HM was defeated, LB rarely continued her hero work, opting to focus on her fashion career. Turns out, trying to start a business when you’re barely 15 is harder than it sounds & that the field is a lot more cutthroat than Mari thought. It doesn’t help that Audrey’s forgotten about her. Her new classmates aren’t particularly close to her & her old classmates have left Paris to move on with their life. 

Also, fighting actual hardened criminals who don’t have akumatization as an excuse for their violence is another beast entirely & more than once, she interfered with a police work that resulted in more harm than good. Without the Ladyblog, other blogs have popped up to call her out on her past mistakes, including the mistreatment of CN despite her claims that he’s a joke.

Adrien has Hal, the team & even some Wayne PR lawyers to ensure neither he nor his alter ego are affected in any way. Pitying Mari, he offers to help her smooth things over. She explodes.

“And what do you want in return, a kiss?”

“Not even if you paid me.”

No infatuation, no humour, no nicknames, nothing.

“You must be enjoying this. Heck, you-you planned all this, didn’t you?! For revenge?!”

“How could I plan anything? I’m just a dumb sidekick.”

“And now you’re a suck-up.” 

“And now you’re in hot water with the public. Do you want to get out of it or not?”

She doesn’t. Instead, she demands a spot on the team. She’s frickin’ Ladybug! Hell, she’s not even a sidekick like the rest of them, they should be begging her to join them. She’s the Guardian! She can give them the Miraculous to power them up!

Robin, who deduced LB’s ID in less than a month & took even less time to find footage of Mari stalking Adrien, stealing his phone and even breaking & entering into his property, laughs in her face while the rest of them looked at her in disgust.

Miss Martian later admits to the team that she took a small glimpse into Mari’s mind & was horrified to see the cult grooming Fu put her through, the manipulation the rest of the Order are still putting her through.

Viridian used his constructs to restrain LB & take her earrings. He hands them to Zatana & quietly asks her to put a spell on Mari so she couldn’t spill either of their secrets. The irony of this entire situation was not lost on them.

Su-Han jumps in to snatch the earrings……and leaves Marinette at their mercy. They’d been planning on getting rid of her for a while now, this just sped things up. Him abandoning her was the final straw. Marinette sobbed, whined, bargained, raged at the unfairness of it all & basically acted exactly how she always imagined Adrien would.

Zatana cast the spell & Viridian quietly asked Batman to find a way to enroll Marinette into therapy.

Later, back in Coast City, Hal turns off the TV neither were really watching & asks if he’s okay.

Adrien’s heart hurts a little as he recalls what happened to Mari, his old life & how they still had to stop the Order….but the ring on his finger was warm, the couch he sat on was welcoming & when he looked at Hal, he felt seen, he felt loved.

He tells Hal that he’s okay.

[stromuprisahat]

Second Army disorganization

Siege and Storm- Chapter 14

One of the most frustrating and famously nonsensical passages of Grisha trilogy, easily explained through doylist approach- the author's inability to write strategy or politics and demands of the genre, requiring a weak, unfit heroine to defeat immensely powerful opponent way out of her league:

Alina: Oh no, they dare to oppose me again! :(

Isn't that why would you want to establish a council in the first place? So you get constructive criticism and suggestions to do things better?!

My objections to the notion Alina came up with representation of Grisha can't be more obvious:

Army is a structured organization. There are ranks and councils by default. No amount of ignorant teens will persuade me calling it "Second" makes it otherwise.

Any big organization has a structure. Even if Second Army were only about education, there would be councils and posts on different levels. Hell, school system works that way.

Alina: I'm gonna have the useless ones represented, because we're not doing things like the Darkling, but that doesn't mean I'll respect them myself or abandon my prejudices. Fucking nerds. Weidos...

Another YA nonsense- you cannot put people into categories based on their physical predispositions, and expect the mental ones to fit accordingly. You can have a huge, muscled guy, skilled in delicate handiwork. You can have a tiny wisp of a girl beating the living shit out of you (popular trope by itself).

Now why should sensitivity to metals get you a spot in labs, if you're a strategic genius? Or incredibly skilled, witty rhetorician? Isn't it more likely you'd be required to complete basic training to stay healthy and prevent accidentally endangering others, while being assigned to whatever you're most useful at?

And what about those weak or less intelligent ones? Are they bringing coffee and arranging entertainment?!

It also fits this fan interpretation, that Materialki are often neuro-divegent, so they are tend to be kept away from battle for their own sake.

Alina wasn't involved in practical running of Second Army before. Just because she doesn't know about something, it's not a totally fresh idea.

I'd be afraid of a girl, who almost murdered a bunch of people for asking questions, too.

At this point, I'm gonna run with the idea that all the older Grisha are torn between face-palming and silently laughing their assess off (so Alina doesn't overhear and her clique doesn't resort to violence).

“But what do they do in there?” I asked, not entirely sure I wanted to hear the answer. “Only the Corporalki know. But there are rumors that they’ve been working with the Fabrikators on new … experiments.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 8

... and that says nothing about the field, or the little groups in noble houses. People tend to stick together with their own, when in strange enviroment. I'm sure such bonds dissolve immediately after their return "home".

I've also delved a little into the sitting order here.

A few lines earlier, Alina noted Materialki didn't show up to complain. Who is so horrified then?! Not them, for sure.

Ironically, this fits into Fabricator-brain theory linked above AND the most logical explanation- Materialki have basic self-defense training, but only those, who are able to, continue. Alina isn't particularly friendly with any of them, so how would she know no one had EVER bothered to teach them? Alright, there are none in her class, but as far as we know, it consists of a Squaller, an Inferni and a Heartrender. Not the most saying sample.

Having a third of all Grisha helpless doesn't fit into the picture of Aleksander's leadership:

“That’s what Botkin always says. ‘Not showy, just to make pain,’” I said, imitating the mercenary’s heavy accent. “Smart guy.” “The Darkling doesn’t think Grisha should rely on their powers for defense.”

Shadow and Bone- Chapter 17

You don't have to become another Bruce Lee, you only need a chance, when they drag you out of bed in the middle of the night.

What tradition?

This is rather well-written group of angry, disorganized people. It might start with a reasonable goal, but soon everyone talks about something else than others, and the message gets lost in the noise.

Tradition doesn't equal "the way things are done". Neither of them is the same as "the need for structure and people knowing their places". The third one is a legitimate concern, although one could argue it's exactly what Alina's attempting.

This whole scene very much reads like:

The author is desperate to prove the Heroine isn't quite useless- she has good ideas! Look! *whacks a hundreds of years old stategist and survivor par excellence with stupid stick*

[octuscle]

hey, I think I need some help. I was put in charge of my friend’s bachelor party, but I really didn’t have much time to get things together, so I went online and found a company that offered to plan everything. Had us go with this “mountain cabin” theme. The rep from the company mentioned he needed to talk to my buddy alone and we haven’t seen him since. One of the other guys went to go look for him too and we haven’t seen him in a bit either. Reason I’m asking for your help is because this cabin resort is filled with all these lumberjack types- they all look and sound the same. Plus I just saw them put up a sign about a construction project. Not sure what’s going on, but I’m worried

Buddy, just take a look at it. I would not form an opinion from the pictures on the Internet. However, you already form an opinion on the way to the lodge. In fact, there seem to be quite a few major infrastructure projects going on in the area. Looks like a dam project. In any case, the lodge is not idyllic. The road is churned up by large construction machines. When you arrive at the lodge, your car is splattered with mud. The air is filled with a concert of axes, machine saws and jackhammers. Definitely not the place you want to celebrate a bachelor party.

To your surprise, your friend comes running up to you. So… You assume that it is your friend. The facial features are at least similar. But he doesn't wear glasses. And also otherwise rather little. He shows a lot of skin. And many muscles. Fuck, last week you were just sitting on the couch, shoveling junk food into you and watching hours of Netflix. The fellow hugging you now looks like he feeds on bears he kills with his bare hands.

Bruh, good to see you, he says. Where's everyone else? The party is already in full swing. He and his new friends would have so much fun here already. He whistles impressively loud on his fingers. And your friend Christopher comes running. He also hugs you and almost crushes you. And he looks like a brother if not like his twin brother of the groom. At best, you can recognize him by details of his facial features. Crazy. Absolutely crazy!

Your friend asks Christopher to show you around a bit. He would like to do it himself. But the rocks don't blow themselves up. Christopher and he laugh out loud at the lame joke. And you wonder if your loafers will survive a walk in this muddy landscape. Christopher takes you to the cafeteria first. This is where the party will take place, he says. You look around and try not to look horrified. Bare white tables, long benches, glaring neon light. The only decoration is the hot fellows who are taking a break here. Fuck, do these lumberjacks and construction workers turn you on? Christopher puts a tray with two cups of coffee and some donuts on the table. The donuts are especially for you. Specialty of the chef. The filling is delicious! Well, you first take a sip of the coffee. It is indeed not bad. Strong and hot. Plus a bite of the sugar glazed donut. Fuck, what kind of filling is that? Slimy, white… The taste a bit like… Musk? You suppress the reflex to gag or spit. You rinse with a sip of coffee. Damn, maybe the filling is tasty after all. Christopher looks at you silently, grinning. On the third donut, you suck out the filling. You could get addicted to this stuff.

Fuck, Christopher is still sitting across from you, grinning. Wide-legged. The bulge in his shorts is indecently big. You can hardly take your eyes off it. He stands up and says that he will show you the washrooms next. And then how the donut filling is made.

Hehehe, you guessed it. Christopher makes an excellent filling for the donuts. You wonder if your friend can do it as well. Christopher asks if you would like to see your bunk now. You answer if the number in the washroom wasn't enough for him. He grins and moves forward, you follow and have trouble keeping up with his pace. Fuck, he is really incredibly fit. And his boots are of course simply better suited for the mud than your now completely dirty loafers. Shortly before the barracks, in which your bed stands, you slip in the mud. Christopher helps you up and tells you to get undressed on the verander. The two men who are taking a break there and jerking off don't look as if you should be embarrassed.

Christopher leads you into a wash lock and sprays you with a water hose. He throws you a towel. Your cock is hard as a rock. Christopher gets on his knees in front of you. And for the first time in your life a man gives you a blowjob. And with the load that you cum, two donuts could easily be filled.

Your bunk is simple and cozy. In the bed can easily have two or three men good hard sex. In your closet hang three sets of your work clothes. If you need more, there's a supply closet next to the shower rooms. You're all the same size anyway. Christopher gives you your duty roster. Tomorrow you are scheduled to chop down trees early. And as much as he'd like to spend the night with you, he has to go back to pouring concrete at the dam. It doesn't matter, you are tired anyway and fall naked into your bed.

05:00 in the morning. You don't need an alarm clock, you are a nature boy. Even behind the curtains you know when it's time to get up. A caravan sets out from the barracks in the direction of the cafeteria. If you work hard, you should have a good breakfast. Today you are assigned to the milking for the doughnut production. Some new workers are expected in the afternoon. They are to be welcomed.

And after that, it's finally time to get out into the fresh air and get to work. You love the camp. Lots of hard work for real men. And food, drink and sex. Just like an eternal bachelor party!

A picture of one of the lumberjacks found at @trefoilwombat

[defectivevillain]

this broken design

pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Reader

summary:

“Dr. Lecter?” You blink a few times, convinced that you’re dreaming. The man’s gleaming eyes and concerned expression seem a bit too realistic to be conjured by your sleeping mind, though. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen him look worried. You quickly decide that you don’t like it.

“Hannibal, please,” the doctor responds nonchalantly. You stare at him in utter confusion. Just what is happening right now? You thought you were dreaming, but this feels a bit too vivid. “What are you doing out here?”

word count: 2.3k [ao3 version here]

Reader’s pronouns are unspecified but masc-intended. You take the place of Will Graham, essentially. [Will is the mf blueprint and I love him,, I just wasn’t creative enough to think of a way to fit the reader into the story without replacing him ;( ]

Since Hannibal is your therapist, the relationship [although ambiguous] is ethically questionable. That’s par for the course to many Fannibals, but I’ll put this here in case you’re new to the fandom.

warnings: canon-typical violence, dissociation, breach of doctor/patient boundaries, insomnia, sleepwalking, cannibalism, spoilers for episode 1.

Jack Crawford can’t take no for an answer. That’s nothing new, of course. However, it’s frustrating to constantly be on the receiving end of that disappointed glare of his. You can’t take it much longer. He seems to recognize that you’re beginning to break, because he calls in a doctor for your psychiatric evaluation: Doctor Hannibal Lecter. There’s one unspoken statement lingering in the air when you walk into the room: “You will pass this exam and return to the field.”

Against all odds, Dr. Lecter seems to be one of the more competent medical professionals you’ve worked with. He doesn’t poke or prod at things that make you uncomfortable, testing your limits to the maximum. He doesn’t look at you with the patronizing gaze you’re so used to receiving from your peers. Lecter looks at you and, sometimes, it feels as if he’s looking straight through you.

After passing the psychological evaluation—you have a strong suspicion that Dr. Lecter lied on those forms—you’re back on the field. Before long, Jack Crawford is ordering you to look at mangled bodies once more. You notice that it takes more out of you each time you look. Looking is exhausting and the longer you look, the more time it takes to return to your own body.

You’re able to cope until your encounter with the Minnesota Shrike. You feel your composure beginning to slip as you frantically look through files in the office of his construction site. Thankfully, you can finally put a name to the killer: Garret Jacob Hobbs. He’s a construction worker, a husband, and a father. The guy is entirely ordinary, almost scarily so.

When you arrive at the Hobbs’ residence minutes later, you can’t shake the feeling that he’s expecting you. The house is eerily silent and when you walk in, his wife is already dead. Dread churning in your stomach, you turn the corner, only to find Hobbs holding his daughter Abigail captive. There’s a knife pressed to her neck. The betrayed yet horrified expression on her face cements itself in your mind. You point your gun at him, but he slices her neck before you can shoot him. After firing one, two, three, nine shots, you kneel down and try to stifle Abigail’s bleeding. Your heart races in your chest and there’s a roaring noise in your ears. Amidst all the chaos, however, you can still sense Garret Jacob Hobbs staring at you with a sickening smirk on his face.

“See?” The man had asked, as the light faded from his eyes and his body slumped against the cabinets. You turn your attention back to Abigail, who is now gasping and panting heavily. Your hands shake as you desperately try to stop the bleeding. You’re too rattled to notice the sound of footsteps getting closer until there’s a hand on your shoulder. Dr. Lecter and you lock eyes and, even in the swirling mess of emotions running through your mind, there is overwhelming clarity. Dr. Lecter’s expression is far too calm. Just before you can contemplate that further, he’s gently pushing you to the side and tending to Abigail.

Everything after that passes in a blur. Abigail is taken to the hospital and Dr. Lecter accompanies her in the ambulance. Jack seems satisfied and disconcerted all at once. He pulls you aside and starts talking your ear off, but you admittedly can’t process anything of what he’s saying. Eventually, the agent gives up and leaves you to drive home. Even when you go to work the next morning, you can’t shake the grey haze that clings to your very being. “See?” Garret Jacob Hobbs’ voice rings in your ears. You did see; you only wish you hadn’t.

You begin to have weekly sessions with Dr. Lecter. Jack all but forces you to attend, but the sessions actually prove to be helpful. Dr. Lecter is certainly an eccentric character, that’s for sure. You’ve never quite met someone like him before, and you can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not. The therapist is certainly mysterious. You want to figure him out, but, at the same time, there’s a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that is still wary around him. You haven’t necessarily forgotten the strangely calm look on his face in the Hobbs house, the mechanical way with which he accepted the pervasive aura of death all around him.

As great as Dr. Lecter is, he can’t fix everything. Your sleep, for example, is continuing to tank by the day. Since your return to the field, it’s difficult to fall asleep and even more difficult to stay asleep. After the Hobbs incident, you’re plagued with nightmares of dark crimson rivers. A few times, you’re even forced to relive the encounter: the moment Abigail slumps to the ground, the moment you shoot Hobbs again and again and again-

The moral of the story is that you’re not sleeping well. Your sleep has never been great, but it’s also never been this bad. You muse on that thought as you lie reclined on your mattress, staring up at the ceiling. Exhaustion tugs at your very core, but your mind refuses to slow down for even a moment. A voice in the back of your mind tells you that you shouldn’t even try to go to sleep, unless you want to slip into a killer’s skin once more. After staring up at the ceiling for an immeasurable amount of time, your eyes finally begin to fall shut.

Shadows seep into your eyes, coloring your vision dark. For a moment, there’s nothing but darkness. Garret Jacob Hobbs greets you like an old friend, his whispers ripping through your skin and into your very core. You claw at your head and close your eyes, desperate to rid yourself of his haunting voice. Somehow, your effort seems to work and you can’t hear his murmurs anymore. You want to drown in the shadowed void that stretches around you but, suddenly, there are two lights ripping through the blackness. You put a hand over your eyes as the brightness burns holes in your vision. Your eyes water and it takes several seconds for the graininess around you to disappear. To your surprise, there’s a car parked just to your left. You take a step forward and squint at the driver. The window rolls down slowly and your breath catches. A shiver rolls down your spine, and it’s not just the cold air that causes it. 

“Dr. Lecter?” You blink a few times, convinced that you’re dreaming. The man’s gleaming eyes and concerned expression seem a bit too realistic to be conjured by your sleeping mind, though. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen him look worried, and you quickly decide that you don’t like it.

“Hannibal, please,” the doctor responds nonchalantly. You stare at him in utter confusion. Just what is happening right now? You thought you were dreaming, but this feels a bit too vivid. “What are you doing out here?”

“I-” You try to say, but the words are stuck in your throat. His statement prompts you to look around and find out where exactly here is. Ultimately, you realize that you’re standing in the center of a road. It’s pretty dark outside. You look down and find that you’re still wearing your pajamas—a ragged shirt and sweatpants. Furthermore, there are scrapes lining your arms. You inhale sharply, beginning to feel panic seep into your bones.

Hannibal’s car door swings open and he moves to stand next to you. The therapist is dressed nicely, as always. You’d be more self conscious about your own attire if you didn’t feel so discombobulated. “What is the last thing you remember?” The man asks. You pause to ponder the question.

“Falling asleep,” you answer, after thinking about the past few hours. You were staring up at your bedroom ceiling. You must’ve fallen asleep at some point. There’s an infuriating lack of information- a gap from when you fell asleep to when you found yourself staring at the headlights of Hannibal’s car.

Silence settles in the air, thick and uncomfortable. You don’t know what to do or say, that could possibly justify this. Truly, one moment you were in bed and the next, you were standing in the middle of the road. You don’t exactly want to tell Hannibal that, but he seems to recognize the sentiment anyway. His brows are furrowed and his lips are pursed as he stares at you. His gaze is insistent and heated, so much so that you have to look away—lest you get burned.

“Come on,” Hannibal says. There’s an authoritative tone to his voice and you follow along instinctually. He helps you to his car with a hand on your shoulder. For a moment, you shiver in the passenger seat as he stares at you. Hannibal then shakes his head and takes off his jacket, putting it around your shoulders. You vaguely recognize that you must look truly pathetic, but you’re too cold not to burrow into the smooth fabric.

The moment he starts driving, you begin to remember your exhaustion. In actuality, you never got that much sleep. Judging from the radio in Hannibal’s car, it’s only two in the morning. You were only asleep for two hours and, yet, you walked all the way outside to the road. Gritting your teeth, you decide to look out the window. Despite your fatigue, your body doesn’t want to succumb to slumber. You have to settle for staring bleakly out the window.

“We’ve arrived,” Hannibal later announces. You blink dazedly, looking out the window to find a beautiful gothic home looming over you. Just before you can grab the door and get out, Hannibal is on the other side opening it for you. You fall in step beside him and allow him to lead you down the walk towards his home. He opens the door and allows you to enter first.

You feel extraordinary out of place here, as you usually do in Hannibal’s presence. The foyer has an elegant fireplace and deep blue accents. Paintings decorate the walls and there’s a vase of freshly trimmed flowers on one of the tables. You can see Hannibal having an internal debate with himself about giving you a formal tour or telling you about the pieces. He turns back to you expectantly and you follow him into the living room. You freeze in the doorway, upon realizing that you’re still wearing your shoes (which you don’t remember putting on in the first place). You quickly bend down and try to untie them, but your hands are trembling too much to do it.  

“Allow me,” Hannibal says, getting down on one knee. To your horror and humiliation, he proceeds to help you untie your shoes. You avert your eyes, feeling as if your skin is on fire. He must sense your discomfort, because he arches an eyebrow at you before untying them a little faster. Thankfully, Hannibal doesn’t offer to fetch you clean socks- you’re certain you’d die of embarrassment. Instead, the moment your shoes are off, he guides you to sit on the finely trimmed settee.

For a fraction of a second, when you look up at Hannibal, you see the cold, calculated gaze of a practiced killer. “You’re freezing,” Hannibal remarks. You swallow hard and watch with bated breath as he leaves the room. Perhaps you just imagined that. You look around the room, unsurprised to see hints of animals everywhere—what with the mounted antelope head and various skulls resting on the table behind you.

The Chesapeake Ripper sees his victims as animals, as pigs. You’re not quite sure why the killer comes to mind now of all times. Even so, you try to think about what you’ve gathered about him so far. He’s a middle-aged man with no current family. His tastes are eccentric and his murders are artistic performances. Furthermore, the killer is slippery. You’ve only found clues because, you suspect, he wanted you to find them. The killer is narcissistic; he knows he won’t be caught and prides himself on that fact.

Your head aches with the sleep you haven’t gotten. You rub at your eyes roughly, unable to shake the feeling that you’re on the crux of a realization. The Chesapeake Ripper… The killer refuses to leave your mind. Why is that thought plaguing you here, of all places? You’re in Hannibal’s residence, staring at the rather macabre animal imagery around the space, when it hits you. Everything clicks into place: the conveniently timed dinner parties, the luxurious lifestyle, the entire lack of shock on his face at the Hobbs’ house.

It appears you’ve found the Chesapeake Ripper.

Hannibal chooses that exact moment to reappear. There’s a blanket folded over his arm and a mug in his hands. He seamlessly weaves through the room, coming to a stop over you. You look up at him from your position on the couch. “Are you alright?” You nod mutely, not trusting yourself to speak. The clock on the wall ticks ominously. Your hands are still trembling at your sides, so badly that Hannibal reaches out and cups them in his with a worried expression. You’re certain your teeth are chattering in your mouth. You’re going to die. You’ll be the next Chesapeake Ripper victim. When you close your eyes, you see your colleagues from the Behavioral Analysis Unit staring down at your corpse on the investigation table. You take a deep breath and try to remain calm. Your heart is thundering away in your chest and you know you must look suitably harrowed.

Hannibal extends a hand and you realize that the Chesapeake Ripper is giving you a cup of tea. You watch mutedly as an organ harvester gently cleans the scrapes on your skin. A coldhearted cannibal is placing a hand on your cheek and looking into your eyes, searching for something. A murderer is placing a blanket over your shoulders.

Hannibal sits down after his thorough investigation. Meanwhile, there’s one thought running through your mind: You can’t fall asleep here. You absolutely can’t let your guard down in front of the Chesapeake Ripper, the very cannibal you’ve been chasing for years. You sip the proffered tea and pretend that everything is alright. Hannibal seems content to sit with you in silence, although you can sense his gaze burning into the side of your face. Stay awake, you tell yourself. Stay alive.

Your eyes slip shut of their own accord

chapter two

Mwahahahah. AHAHHAHAHH…. Yes. I had to get that out, lol.

The untying of the shoes scene is a slight allusion to the Death Note scene in which L washes Light's feet. That's one of my favorite scenes in the series, as it hints at the parallels between L/Light and Jesus/Judas and the idea of recognizing betrayal before it comes. [Unfortunately, feet also gross me the hell out, so I settled for the untying of the shoes. Haha.]

This is entirely unrelated, but i got my dna results back and apparently i’m lithuanian 😏 [it’s not that significant or specific of a percentage, but just lemme have this 🙏]. hannibal, if ur reading this, i’m just like you frrrr 😮‍💨 except minus, yk, the cannibalism.

anyway, thanks for reading <3

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Grey 54

First / Previous / Next

Gord's long strides thundered over the deck plates as he made his way up to the Command Deck of Home. Chloe was able to keep up, but a few others struggled, breaking into a trot or even a jog every few meters.

"Do we know who did it?" Gord barked, as he continued walking.

"No, Gord. Nobody has come forward with an admission or claim." Chloe glanced down at a pad as she talked. There were videos of immediately after the impact on Luna. Four massive craters glowed orange red, with text overlaid announcing death tolls. The camera cut to a shot of the former shipyards, debris spreading accelerating away. The announcer was listing off orbitals and stations at risk from the debris. Imperial ships were linking in, attempting to redirect the debris before it could hit anything else.

"Has the Empire stated who they think is to blame?"

"No Gord, not yet. It only happened a day ago though, they're still doing damage control."

"Has Fen said anything?"

"No Gord, the Empress only just returned from annexing her home station. She hasn't made an official comment yet."

On the Command Deck, Gord turned away from the Commander's chair and made his way to the executive meeting room just off to the side. There were already six people sitting, looking worried. Gord sat at the head and Chloe sat next to her.

"Gord! What happened? Was it us?" One of the AIs in the room, a young looking man spoke up, his eyes wide with worry.

Gord shook his head. "I don't think so. Nobody came to me with a request for a mission like that - not that I would ever approve it. We don't know who did it yet."

Another one, a woman with fiery red hair done up in a tight bun was next. "What about images or video of the launch? Do we have anything like that?"

Chloe shook her head. "No. It looks like the impactors each had their own wormhole generator, and they linked into Sol a million kilometers from their target after already being accelerated to 80% C. The targets had less than five seconds to react."

The group was silent. Nobody had realized that the impactors had linked in with no warning.

"T-This is horrible! Who would do such a thing?" An AI at the other end of the table, dressed in a grey suit spoke up. "Was it the Gren? The Xenni?"

Gord shook his head. "I don't think so. This kind of wanton destruction has all the hallmarks of a human attack. There are pockets of humans that resist the Empire, but I did not think any had the means..." Gord stops mid sentence. His eyes widen, but he doesn't say anything.

"What is it Gord? Can you think of someone?" The main in grey raised an eyebrow, curious.

"N-No." Gord quickly looked down at his pad, and flicked to a new page. "Just running things through." He looked back up. "What are we going to do about this?"

The woman in red looked at Gord oddly. "Nothing? As horrific as the attack was, it crippled the Empires war making ability. The most generous estimates are that they won't make another Super Dreadnought for five years. Account for retraining sailors and civilians for construction and it becomes ten years more likely."

Gord's mouth hung open. "You're not seriously considering that we don't do or say anything are you?" He stood up. "How many of you sitting right here were killed by the empire? How many of you were carried in my rucksack for a CENTURY?" Gord roared. The group assembled shrank back. "You all were rebuilt by me and Spyglass. What will the Empire do if they think we had ANYTHING to do with this?"

The silence in the room clanged.

"No. We're going to come out hard. We're going to make an announcement, and we're going to link Home to Sol."

Gasps and murmurs filled the room.

"Gord, are you sure?" Chloe looked up from her pad, worried.

"We must. We have to show the Empire that not only did we not use relativistic impactors, but that we're so horrified at their use that we will come out of hiding to aid the survivors." He looked at the group across the table. "Tell everyone. We're linking Home to Sol in 12 hours." Gord stood up and walked out, Chloe jumping up to chase after him.

They walked for a bit. Home was huge, and sparsely populated. They only had to take a few turns before they were deep in the old, original part of the colony ship. Gord touched a lock and it opened, old relays clicking loudly overhead as the lights came up. It was a running track, 5 lanes wide that seemed to girdle Home. Chloe looked around. "What's this, Gord?"

Gord smiled thinly. "It's part of the gym that was set up for colonists. I like to come here and walk laps when I need a quiet place to think... or a quiet place to talk." He started walking at a deliberate pace on the track. Chloe shrugged to herself and walked alongside him.

Halfway through a lap Gord said "Have we heard from Northern Lights since she and Zherun left?"

Chloe glances down at her pad. "No. Nothing."

"She was at the New Wellington attack." It was not a question.

"Was she?" Chloe looked surprised. "I didn't know she was that old."

Gord nodded."She was. She worked for Parvati then."

"She worked for them? I thought she was just that prototype starliner?"

"Oh sure, that's what everyone says she was. I'm sure she has some very nice cabins too, so that any inspectors who come aboard can see how nicely she's fitted out."

"Gord, you're telling me Northern Lights - Zhe and Fen's friend, who has been on the run from the Empire for more than a Century was a warship?"

"A prototype, purpose built warship. Designed to have the advantages of a Starjumper without the gigantic size."

"Then why did you let her take the ship? We had it here in our holds for decades!"

Gord shrugged. "I dunno. I suppose I thought she had changed. I thought that Fen and Zhe were good for her. Bringing her back to being around people, not always alone, not always on the run." Gord stared straight ahead, not looking at Chloe. "This attack has her written all over it though. She was against the impactor ban. She almost got tried for warcrimes after the destruction of New Wellington."

Chloe clutched the pad to her chest. She wasn't as old as Gord, but she was old enough to remember the war, and the destruction of New Wellington. Hell, she had linked there as soon as word had reached Sol and went to help survivors. It was her second wormhole link ever. In eight hundred years she had never forgotten what she had seen. "I'm going to kill her."

"I'd prefer you didn't, Chloe." Gord smiled sadly. "I'd prefer if you found out if she did carry out the attack, and bring her Home - intact - if she was the one who did it." He sighed again. "Though, I'd bet a gallon of maple syrup she did." Gord stopped right in front of the door to the track. "Take a ship, but go alone. Find her, and bring her home."

"And the K'laxi? Zherun?"

They walked together in silence for a few steps. "I don't care about her. Use your best judgement. But-" Gord held up a finger. "-Northern cannot carry out another attack. Be swift."

Chloe nodded and opened the door. "Coming Gord?"

"No, I'm going to walk a bit more, and then plan for what the hell I'm going to say to the Empire when we link an old lost colony ship into Sol and declare our intentions to help."

[thedailybullshit]

RDR2 Incorrect Quotes pt. 35

Sean: Are we flirting, or are we fighting right now? Because I’m kind of getting mixed signals.

Karen: I’m gonna sink my teeth into your fuckin’ throat!

Sean: Still proving my point . . . mixed - mixed messages.

John: What’s up guys, I’m back.

Arthur: What the - you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die.

John: Death is a social construct.

Arthur: *comes back to camp at 2am*

Hosea: *lights a lantern & turns around in his chair* So, where were you!

Arthur: I - I was with Charles!

Charles: *turns around in his own chair* Wanna try again?

Arthur & Sadie Messing Around:

Arthur: We’re d-d-driving in a -

Sadie: CAR! Destination: drug dealer’s -

Arthur: BAR! Pass the mic right over to -

Both: Charles!

Arthur: *horrified* We forgot Charles.

Sadie: . . . But we can’t turn back, ‘cause we’ve gone too farles!

Arthur: *turning around* We have to turn back, though. W-we can’t leave him. It was a good rhyme, though!

A John: I’m the real John!

Another John: No, I’M the real John!

Tilly: Who do we shoot?

Arthur: There’s only one way to tell.

Arthur: What is . . . seven times four?

One of the Johns: TWENTY-EIGHT!

Arthur: *shoots him* Wrong answer.

Tilly: What? Seven times four is twenty-eight!

Arthur: Yeah, but John does the little finger thing.

John: *muttering while finger counting* Four, eight, twelve, sixteen, twenty, twenty-four, twenty eig - TWENTY EIGHT!! *notices dead imposter* Ooh . . .

Dutch: So, Annabelle is the woman I’ve been seeing recently.

The Gang:

Annabelle: . . . Why are they looking at me like I’m a zoo animal?

Arthur: Well, Dutch acts as sort of the dad of the Gang, so emotionally, this is kinda like being told that you’re our new mom.

Annabelle: But you know it’s nothing like that, right?

John: Absolutely. Do you cook macaroni?

Hosea: *parking the wagon* Hey, can you get us a table?

Dutch: Sure.

~A Few Minutes Later~

Dutch: *sprinting out of the saloon carrying a table* GET THE WAGON GOING!!

Hosea: SHIT -

Hosea: Can you guys just TRY to see it from MY perspective?

Arthur: *gets down on knees*

John: *crouches down*

Hosea:

Hosea: I’m killing both of you in your sleep.

Mary-Beth: Karen, can I talk to you for a second?

Karen: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess: you and Tilly are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Mary-Beth: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.