#new wormy guy

[zuccnini]

[OC] Evening walk

[batty-barty-crouchjr]

GUYS WHAT PIERCINGS/TATTOOS SHOUKD I GET????

idk what i wanna get but i got a new temu piercer gun and i wanna use it!!!

@who-killed-rosie @marls-meadowes @lily-0f-the-v4lley @reggie-the-starboy @antlers4brains @blackrosecissa @bella-trixy @its-a-dork-cas @pandoras-box-of-love @inkstainedmoons @ur-fav-macdonald @freaky-lil-wormy @sev-princely-snape @followthewhiterabbitzeno @lucious-malfoys-hair @cue-alice

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Backburner 2

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your boss is easy going until he’s not. 

Characters: Sam Wilson, this reader is known as Dizzie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

“Diz,” Sam strolls up to your desk, startling you so your chair tilts dangerous, “what are you doing tonight?” 

Your lips open and you blink, turning your dumb expression into a weird smile. You sputter, surprised by the question. You take a breath and fix your posture. 

“Drinks,” you blurt out. 

“You asking me out?” He tweaks a brow and smirks. 

“Oh, no, me and the girls. It’s cocktail night!” You can’t help but clap your hands. 

“Cocktails? Get an appletini on me,” he says. 

“I’m more into mimosas,” you say sheepishly, “is there--” your smile twitches, “is there something tonight? For work? Did I forget--” 

“No, I was curious. Was gonna offer you some tickets to this hockey game. I’m not much into it but a vendor sent them.” 

“Mm, no, I’m not very sporty. I did play badminton in high school but I don’t really know about hockey or whatever,” you shrug, “sorry.” 

“That’s fine, I’ll ask Marty. I think he’s a Habs fan. Go figure.” 

You nod and wait until he strides away to go back to your work. Well, you were playing solitaire when he walked up but it’s been a very dull day. You sigh and check your phone. You’re still on for tonight. The girls all seem jazzed for it. Except for Izzie but she’s living her life up in some confidential location. 

You piddle away the day. Sam can’t seem to sit still as he comes in and out of his office several times to chat or just to ask you the same questions over and over. Admittedly, it’s a slow day. When at last you’re free, you’re eager to get home and get into something cuter. 

Your commute goes quickly as you listen to a podcast about animal facts. You get off at your stop and hurry to your building. That feathered sweater is going to look so cute with your mini skirt. You put on the loud red top over the primary blue sheath and pick out your platform loafers. You’re a bit topsy turvy and a few mimosas won’t help that but you’re ready for fun. 

You get to Retro’s at the same time as Rosie and jump her with a surprise hug from behind. You giggle as you enter and give your reservation to the hostess. She remembers you from all the other times and gets you seated. The 80s hits bop from the speakers as you wiggle in your seat. 

“I love Whitney,” you vibe along. 

“You’re silly,” Rosie chides. 

“Come on, get funky,” you clasp your fingers through each other and do the wormy thing with your arms. 

““Hey, guys,” Missie appears in a cluster of polka dots and frills, “how’s it going?”  

“Miss Missie,” you greet her with a giggle, “waiting to get the party started.”  

“Ah, yes,” she sighs and rubs her shoulders, “after today, I need a double! My boss... well, let’s leave work at work.”  

“Izzie’s not coming,” Rosie says.  

“Yeah, too bad. I can’t remember the last time I saw her,” Missie tuts. “Excuse me, I gotta hit the bathroom.”  

Missie walks off and you and Rosie chatter about the new knitting pattern she found on pinterest. She shows you on your phone as the din fades into the back of your mind. You’re a bit too talented at blocking out the world.  

“I feel better,” Missie proclaims as she sits down, “been holding my bladder since work.”  

“The others on their way?” Elfie asks as she appears behind the other girl. You flinch in surprise, ripped back into reality.  

“Georgie’s running behind,” Rosie says, “she just messaged. And Billie’s been quiet today.”  

Elfie sits and you all reach for your phones in unison. You open up Izzie’s video message and show the table her recording of a parachute jump. Wow! You wouldn’t mind trying that one day.  

Billie shows up shortly after as the chatter around the table continues. You sit with Rosie and Georgie joins you soon after, looking defeated as she explains she’s going away tomorrow. It all sounds so exciting. Izzie’s jumping out of planes, Georgie’s going to Barbados, and Billie got a new position. Your job is so boring. As fun as Sam is, he’s predictable. 

You get into the music again, swaying and bouncing, as Billie gives you the side-eye. The waitress approaches with a full tray but you don’t remember ordering. Elfie crinkles her nose, “I don’t think that’s for us.” 

You eye the bright green drinks in stemmed glasses. 

“Some gentlemen sent them,” the server nods over her shoulder. 

You sit forward to see through the crowd and a hand waves over the heads. You stand slightly as a few other girls raise themselves up. The waitress hands out the appletinis and Billie mutters about her tequila. 

“Who is that?” Rosie asks. 

“That’s my boss,” you exclaim and wave back at Sam. 

“What the hell is he...” Billie starts then quickly turns around and hides. “Shit, he’s with my boss!” 

“Your boss?” Elfie wonders. 

“One of them,” Billie growls. 

“And... is that... Mr. Rogers?” Rosie utters. “What are the odds?” 

You purse your lips and look down at the glass. Well, you did tell him you’d be there so you’re not so sure of the coincidence. You’re not going to tell them though, Billie looks ready to fight. 

“It’s so nice of them to send some drinks though,” you say. 

“Yeah,” Rosie agrees. 

“But why?” Elfie wonders. 

“I won’t deny a free drink,” Missie slurps and her cheeks pinch, “oo, sour.” 

Georgie drinks silently and checks her phone. She quickly tucks it away and takes another deep gulp. Elfie doesn’t taste hers, staring at it in disappointment. Well, you’ll enjoy yours. It’s about time you switched it up. 

“Should we buy them some drinks?” Missie suggests, “it only seems nice.” 

“No, it’s girls’ night,” Billie insists, “that’s just an invitation and I think we can all agree, we’re done with bosses tonight.” 

“Here here,” Elfie raises her glass for a cheers, “fuck work.” 

[ad-sirius]

𝔩𝔬𝔰𝔱 𝔰𝔬𝔲𝔩𝔰 𝔰𝔴𝔦𝔪𝔪𝔦𝔫' 𝔦𝔫 𝔞 𝔣𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔟𝔬𝔴𝔩.

a smile from a veil? do you think you could tell?

hello, i'm sirius black! currently in college with my best mates. i go by he/him, i like guys more than the ladies, in the gryffindor footie team, and i play the guitar in my spare time.

i'm in lower sixth, and i'm doing five a-levels (don't ask) maths, physics, chem, english, and music. i came top of my year in '23. (snooze you lose lils!) i like learning new things, and i also like patrying. you may find me doing both. at the same time.

currently situated at the potter's until further notice.

bowie ✮ hozier ✮ queen ✮ sex pistols conan ✮ arctic monkeys ✮ cigs after sex ✮ pink floyd

i have a tendency to do things i'm not supposed to, especially with my friends. so, uh, don't look out for us!

JAMES!: @rjames-aflemont-bpotter

wormy!!: @pete-not-a-rat-stfu

lilyflower: @evans-the-flower

marls!: @rockin-blonde-lesbian

my... brother: @im-a-motherfuckin-starboy

dorcas: @in-the-meadowes

dora: @auras-and-doras

evan: @roses-and-other-sharp-things

barty: @barty-rosier-not-crouch

[reggie-the-starboy]

guys i ran into this new shop it looks kind of cool I'm gonna see what its like inside

@whyso-s1rius @batty-barty-crouchjr @pandoras-box-of-love @blackrosecissa @its-a-dork-cas @marls-meadowes

@who-killed-rosie @freaky-lil-wormy @antlers4brains @inkstainedmoons @lily-0f-the-v4lley @bella-trixy

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

It was Peter's nature to drool after girls that didn't even register him. In a scale of 1 to 10. Peter focused on the top ones. Remus had told him in multiple occasions that the scale was bullshit. And that Peter was more than a stupid number. Because if Remus thought about that scale, Sirius was an eleven. And Remus barely got to five. Therefore, nothing could ever happen between them.

"Only blokes like Sirius or James can get tens, Moony. That's why I go for numbers lower than mine"

"And what number are you?"

"Clearly a seven" Peter shrugged "Susan was a solid six. Decent, pretty. But not a ten"

Remus could see Peter said that because he was actually hurt. Even if Peter's first girlfriend had been a bitch, Peter had loved her.

Now that Peter was single, he focused on every single girl at Hogwarts. Make them pretty, with decent curves, bam, he was in love. Peter had talked and talked about the beauty of being single and having eyes for all "the babes".

Mary Macdonald clearly was one of the babes this term. Marlene was out of the market for liking girls and Lily practically belonged to James, but Mary was single. Single and very very pretty.

The first weekend of term, James and Peter volunteered to help girls unpack, lift their books or trunks, with the mere purpose of gaining their chances as they put it.

That morning, Sirius and Remus watched as their friends played gentlemen to flirt.

"Look at them, Moony. Practically slaves to get a snog" Sirius tutted.

James was helping Lily, who was more friendly with him lately and Peter helped Mary lift her books to store in her new locker.

"Thank you, darling" Mary smiled when Peter was done "You're really sweet" and she squeezed his cheek.

"You're welcome"

The gesture made Peter go bright red as Mary walked away. Which was a good opportunity for his friends to make fun of him.

"Pete is such a sweet boy!" Sirius mumbled in a voice people only used on babies and puppies.

"Are you blushing?" Remus asked with a mockery tone "Look Sirius, he is going red!"

"What?" Peter shrugged "Mary is very pretty"

"Aaaw she's pretty!" Remus teased with a smile.

"Peteboo is in love" Sirius added patting his cheeks.

Despite the fact his blush didn't go, Peter was smiling "Do you think she would give me a chance?"

"You want to go after Macdonald?" Sirius snorted.

"Maybe..." Peter answered as he stared at Mary's dress "She's fine, ain't she?"

"Come on, Wormtail" Sirius smiled "Mary is an easy target"

"Yeah" Peter nodded.

"But she is not that desperate, mate" Sirius laughed.

"Sirius..." Remus warned. Sometimes Sirius needed to be more subtle, more considerate with Peter. What Remus had learned was that James and Sirius liked to tease Peter around. And sometimes it was in an innocent way, all jokes. A rare show of affection. But sometimes Sirius didn't measure the line.

"You think I don't have a chance with her?" Peter snapped angrily.

Sirius was smiling "Not to offend, Wormy. But you're a bit thick when it comes to girls"

"Oh! Because you are a fucking expert, aren't you?"

Everything with Sirius was explosive. He did and said without thinking. Everything about him was competition, fun, and danger.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I am an expert in women" Sirius snapped back "I can have anyone I want. Even Macdonald"

"Guys..." Remus tried to intervene. He sensed a fight. But they weren't paying attention at him anymore.

Peter laughed "As if Mary would give you a chance"

"Maybe she hasn't because I haven't gone after her" Sirius answered "And I actually don't know why. She is bloody hot"

Remus rolled his eyes. He didn't know why he thought Sirius would be different this term. On the past year, Remus had realized Sirius was not the cute boy who never wanted to get married anymore. He was a handsome teenager. And for Remus's disfortune, Sirius had his history with girls. Even if Remus fancied him, he was not going to stop being the flirtatious asshole everyone knew.

"I thought you said it was because she's James's ex and it is against rules going after the same girl..." Remus reminded them "Marauders Code"

"Prongs is not going to care. He's obsessed with Evans now" Sirius said.

"Going against the code, eh Padfoot?" Peter tutted.

"Scared I might steal Macdonald from you, Wormtail?"

"You don't even like her, Pads" Remus intercepted trying not to sound jealous.

"Everyone thinks Mary is hot" Sirius shrugged "We've all fantasized about her for sure"

Everyone? Remus hadn't. He'd fantasized with Sirius though, a lot.

"I'm not scared!" Peter spat, ignoring them "Not all girls are into you, pretty boy"

"Pretty boy?" Sirius asked.

"I can conquer Macdonald before you. Do you want to bet?"

Last term, it had hurt Remus that Sirius had kissed Marlene. Because Marlene was not any other girl. She was an amazing girl and their friend. And even if Marlene turned out to be a lesbian, the same thing applied for Mary. Mary was a friend. And a really nice girl.

"Shouldn't we ask Prongs first?" Remus asked looking between the two.

"Bet is on, Pettigrew!" Sirius extended his hand with a stupid smirk.

Remus wanted to stop them. He really did.

"Right on, Black" Peter shook his hand.

But boys were boys. They did stupid things sometimes like making stupid bets.

For the next days, Sirius and Peter competed to gain Mary's attention. They got her gifts, complimented her looks, suggested plans.

Remus tried to think Sirius wasn't actually interested in Mary. He did it all because he was an idiot. Though Remus tried to find excuses to finish this nonsense.

Mary didn't seem to mind. She found the whole thing amusing. She was the kind of girl who loved the attention.

"I'm flattered honestly" she told Remus and the girls one time "I know this is all a joke" she giggled "But it still fun. I want to see what they do next"

"It's horrid, Mary" Lily tutted "Boys are truly idiots"

"You don't mind when it is James flirting with you and giving you gifts"

Lily blushed at that comment "We're not talking about me"

Remus made a mental note to tell James later.

And talking about James, he laughed when the boys told him about the bet. Remus had the hope he would stop it. But he didn't.

"You are fools if you think Mary is going to give any of you a chance" he had said "But carry on. I want to see how this goes"

"What about the code, James?" Remus asked him "Mary is your ex"

The boy shrugged "I love Mary but she's in the past. I'm all Evans now. We're getting closer now that we're Head Boy and Head Girl"

So that gave green light for Sirius and Peter to carry on. Mary accepted the flirting and gifts but when they asked for a chance or a date, she refused.

"That's sounds wonderful, Pete. And you're adorable. But I am busy this weekend"

"No, Sirius. I won't be one of your other conquers, darling. Shame you're cute"

Remus decided to relax and enjoy the show. For one, it was really funny and satisfying to see Sirius being rejected. But on the other side, Remus's mind told him that this was a sign that Sirius would always be after some girl. Even if it wasn't Mary, other girls would come, girls who would be dying to give him a chance. And Remus had to sit and watch all of that happen. That was the sad thing of being in love with his best friend.

"Why don't you stop with this nonsense, Sirius?" Remus asked, practically groaning when Mary rejected an invitation to Hogsmeade. "You don't even fancy the girl. Why bother?"

Sirius smiled as he grabbed the cigarette from Remus's hand without permission and took a drag before answering.

"Sirius Black never backs up from a challenge" he grinned before letting the smoke out.

"Peter actually fancies her, Pads" Remus added, feeling his throat go dry "Give him a chance"

"Peter is a horny wanker. He likes everyone" Sirius laughed "I saw him staring at Mildred Greenfield the other day when she bended to pick up her pencil and her blouse's buttons popped open"

"And you surely noticed that as well" Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius simply shrugged with a smile and kept smoking.

"And that's my fag!" Remus snapped taking the cigarette for himself.

"Don't be pouty, Moony" Sirius said, squeezing Remus's chin "I only do it for my honor. Plus, maybe with the pressure, Pettigrew might actually get somewhere with Macdonald"

Remus rolled his eyes "Whatever"

"Do not let Sirius quit the bet or let me win out of pity, Remus!" Peter told him later "I want to prove he's not that impressive among birds. I can get girls as well. Right?"

"Sure, Wormy. But I don't want you guys to fight over this"

"You think I can not get a ten?" Peter asked while looking at Remus with disdain "I know Mary is a ten and tens are difficult. But I am sick of going after fives or sixs. I want the bloody ten!"

There was no use. Remus thought this stupid game would last forever. Maybe risking the Marauders integrity. Though Sirius and Peter were the usual same. Bickering like brothers when it came to Mary. But loving each other as always. James was too busy with the Rugby Team now that he was captain and his Head Boy duties. So it was up to Remus to endure this alone.

Two weeks lasted this nonsense until everything changed when Remus was approached by someone at breakfast.

"Hey Reminald"

Remus had met Emmeline Vance in a party over the summer. She was pretty even if she wasn't commonly feminine as the rest of the girls in this school. She had piercings and tattoos which Remus considered cool. And she had surprised Remus with a kiss that night. But Remus had been slightly drunk to actually enjoy it.

Remus saw her again in the train at the beginning of term when they had a more sober chat in which Emmeline made him laugh "You have a very pretty laugh, Reminald"

Remus didn't know how to flirt. He wasn’t Sirius. So he blushed instead.

"My name is Remus"

"Reminald is like my nickname for you, mate" Emmeline smiled amused "I guess I'll see you around school"

Since classes started, Remus hadn't seen her until now.

The usual friend group had been teasing James and Lily who insisted of being only friends when it was obvious they both fancied each other. But were interrupted when Emmeline approached. They all looked between Remus and Emmeline with amusement. Except for Sirius who rolled his eyes.

"Hey Emmeline" Remus could feel his cheeks on fire. He hated the attention.

"This might sound kind of upfront and bold but I am sick and tired of waiting for you to ask me out"

Remus heard the gasps and giggles from his friends. And he went more red if possible.

Emmeline Vance was not the kind of girl to get embarrassed. She smiled with satisfaction and Remus found her extremely hot.

"I know you are shy which is cute but think about it, okay?"

Remus simply nodded because he was frozen to do anything else. Emmeline smiled in response.

"Bye guys" she announced to the group before walking away. So beautiful and confident as she was.

Immediately after, Remus's friends began teasing.

"Blimey, Moony. You cheeky dog!"

"Aaw she is totally into you"

"What did you do to her to leave her like that?"

"Remus is blushing!!"

"Oh shut up!" Remus covered his eyes.

They teased and smiled. Sirius had been absolutely quiet. Remus wondered why.

"You two had been asking Mary out for days and now Remus shows you how it is done" Marlene proclaimed "You're too slow"

James began laughing loudly until Sirius said: "If we're talking about turtles, James Potter wins the prize. Am I right, Evans?"

"Oh!" Peter exclaimed hitting Sirius’s palm.

James rolled his eyes. Lily hid her smile.

"All I know is that if Remus asked me out I would say yes" Mary said as she winked.

As the teasing began again, Remus hid his face under his sweater.

The next day, Remus watched as Peter ran after Mary the minute she got out of the girls' dorm. James joined Lily's side as she took his arm. Sirius stayed behind.

"Not going after Mary, Pads?" Remus asked with a smile "Peter might get ahead of you, you know?"

Sirius shrugged uninterested.

"What about you? Are you asking Vance out?" Sirius asked giving Emmeline a nasty look. When Remus turned and she waved, he waved back.

"I don't know" Remus answered.

He had never been asked out on a date. His immediate response would be no. Because even if Remus found Emmeline hot and interesting, his heart always came back to Sirius.

But since Sirius clearly was too busy with the bet and interested in other girls in the meantime, Remus thought why not? He couldn't wait for Sirius forever. For something that might actually not happen at all.

"Moony, let's forget about birds" Sirius snapped, making Remus look away from Emmeline towards him "Potter can have Evans and Pettigrew can have Macdonald if he likes. You and me... We don't need girls. We are fine on our own. Yeah?"

Remus blinked in surprise.

"What... What about the bet?"

Sirius shrugged "I don't care about the bet"

When just yesterday Sirius was saying he would not let Peter win. What changed?

"Is this about Emmeline?" Remus asked.

"You don't fancy her" Sirius answered with pouty eyes "Right?"

"You don't fancy Mary however you were willing to be at her feet only to win Peter"

Remus's temper was rising. Sirius had the free will to go after girls even if it was a game but Remus had not? Was that how things worked?

"You were right. I don't fancy Mary" Sirius said "And you don't fancy Vance...." then he leaned in "We need to be single. We are young. Let's just have fun"

Remus wanted to punch him.

"What's wrong with you?" Remus snapped "So let me see. Prongs can go after Lily. Wormtail can go after Mary. And you, you can have anyone you want. Now that I get the attention of someone. Finally! What? I cannot do anything about it?"

Sirius was silent. He looked guilty and his eyes showed he was going through a million thoughts.

"It's not that, Remus" Sirius said softly, looking to the floor "I just... I don't want to lose you"

"What are you talking about?" Remus raised his voice "That I should never date anyone so you don't suffer?"

Sirius didn't answer.

"What if I actually want to date Emmeline? What if I do? Are you going to stop me?"

Sirius opened his mouth to say something but instantly regretted.

"I might ask her out!"

"Fine!" Sirius snapped back "Do whatever you want, Remus"

"Maybe I will!!" Remus yelled "You fucking wanker!"

"Don't be angry with me"

"I just..." Remus was so furious he couldn't speak "I just don't understand you! Going after girls is a fucking joke to you. You don't even fancy them you just want to prove you can have them. You do that even if it... Even if I..."

Sirius kept looking at him curiously.

Even if it hurt Remus. But Sirius couldn't know about Remus's feelings. It was fine. Maybe Remus had to accept the fact that Sirius would never feel the same. That he was too straight, too flirty and too popular for Remus. But what pissed Remus off was that Sirius didn't leave him be.

"Whatever, go and date Vance" Sirius shrugged "I don't care"

Maybe it would be good to date Emmeline. Finally focuse on someone who wasn't fucking Sirius Black. Even forget about him once and for all. But if Sirius acted like this, Remus got his hopes up, thinking perhaps Sirius was jealous.

But it wasn't true. Sirius just loved to be the center of attention. He couldn't let Peter have Mary. He couldn't let James be happy with Lily. He couldn't let Remus free. He was just selfish.

"Ok. I will"

Remus sometimes hated to love this stupid wanker. He knew Sirius was better than this. He knew a better version of him. Yet, Sirius kept showing the worst of him. He was hurting because of his bloody family. And instead of showing his pain he pretended to be a complete arsehole.

Remus walked away before those puppy eyes would make him feel guilty. This love was going to drive him insane. Even when Remus hated Sirius’s guts, even in his worse, Remus was absolutely in love with him. And he hated that.

"Oi, Emmeline!"

Remus deserved someone nice. Someone better. Someone who didn't make him feel this way. Maybe Emmeline could be the one.

"Reminald!" Emmeline smirked as Remus caught her up "Finally made your mind?"

Remus knew Sirius was watching. So that gave him the confidence to lean in and kiss Emmeline's mouth. He wanted to prove he could flirt and have girls as well.

"Wanna do something after school?" he asked trying to sound confident.

Emmeline's smile was gorgeous.

"Sure!" she exclaimed as she grabbed his arm and they started walking "What do you have in mind?"

[queenofbaws]

Hii, can you write a story about my theory for the bathroom couches

"...ty-one!"

There was a series of frowns at that, the gang momentarily lifting their heads from what they'd been doing to shoot each other suspicious glances. Clearly it hadn't been any of them who'd done the talking - the voice was strangely distant and, somehow even more strangely, excited - but still, the sentiment remained.

"I-I'm sorry?" Hannah said after a moment, glancing up towards the ceiling as if it'd been some higher power to shout at them.

And then, making all the noise of a suit of armor come to life, Mike came barrelling down the lodge's staircase, sock-sliding across the great room's hardwood until he bumped against the sectional. "Thirty-ooone," he repeated, bracing himself against the back of the couch. "That's how many fucking couches you guys got in this place, you know that? What gives?"

Hannah's head was instantly in her hands. "Oh God."

"Yeah, y'know...I've been wondering about that too," Sam said slowly, setting down her big book of crossword puzzles to glance around the lodge instead, the tally in her head almost visible as she counted couch after couch. "I mean. I guess I figured it was because, uh...ski lodge. Company. That kind of thing. But...you guys do have a lot."

"And the one in the bathroom?!" Emily cut in. "The one in the bathroom is pretty heinous."

Instead of bothering to deal with their chatter individually, Beth heaved a sigh and raised her voice, speaking up over them as if she didn't care. She also continued smashing buttons on her controller as if she didn't care. And her eyes? On the tv, baby. Like she didn't care. (Spoiler: She didn't). "Once upon a time," she began, "there was this wormy little kid named Josh."

"Wormy, huh?" he asked, offhandedly at best, hunched over with his elbows on his knees as he pulled off another sick combo on-screen. "That's a new one."

"The thing about Josh," Beth continued, paying him literally no attention as she wrung his health bar dry, "was he never slept."

"Still don't! It's one of my fun little quirks. Gives me personality."

"And it took Mom and Dad forever to figure out, but - " she paused long enough to wrench her body to the side as if it would help her character dodge, and, miraculously, it did, " - eventually they noticed he'd conk out on a couch even if he wouldn't fall asleep in bed."

"Know where monsters like hiding, B? Under beds. Know what you never hear about? Monsters hiding under couches."

Tapping her pencil against her crossword book, Sam scrunched her mouth together. It was a good point. She didn't say that part out loud. A quick glance around the great room told her the others were thinking the same.

"So," Beth kept saying, "Mom, being the worry-wort she is, filled this place with couches just in case little Joshy needed a little nappy-nap. And Dad, ever-resourceful, used the ski lodge excuse every time so he could get a tax write-off or something, I don't know. It sort of snowballed. Our family isn't really known for, like, restraint."

"No," Emily pretended to gasp. "The family that bought a whole goddamn mountain? You don't say."

"...and the one in the bathroom?" Mike repeated, his emphasis clear. "Please...please don't tell me you were napping in the bathroom, dude. There...there have to be limits."

"Tub takes an awful long time to fill, my man. Anyone would get sleepy waiting for that shit."

On the other side of the sectional, having until-then been silent, Jess let out a huge, whooping sigh of relief. "Oh thank Gawwwwwd," she groaned, dramatically slumping across the cushions. "I was so sure it was gonna be some weird pervvy sex thing."

"It can be both," Beth and Josh said in unison, deadpan and only half-paying attention as they kept playing their game. Joke or not, it was too much for poor Hannah, who slid off the couch altogether, moaning and groaning and huddling onto a ball of mortification on the floor.

[the-queen-bellatrix]

I have terrible life threatening news guys

@little-king-official @james-the-amazing-potter @pandoras-nox @andromedashoax @xeno-graphical @lilyevansofficial @siriuslynotadog @alicethekindone @lifeofthe-barty @hjonesworld @severusprince-snape @wormy-loves-ch33se @cas-not-the-band @malfoy-lu @mary-mcdeal @emmelineandhervans @marls-mckinn0n @looneymoonyy

[thetorturedpoetsfest]

Welcome to Day 5 of The Tortured Poets Fest!

Click the links listed below to check out all of the content our lovely Tortured Poets have created for all of us today! (and go to our bio to access the rest of the AO3 Collection)

✍️ these are the hands of fate by kakumeizenya

Ship(s): Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy

Rating: M

Summary:

A fall from grace. An escape from hell. A new beginning.

Returning for her final year at Hogwarts, Hermione is still grappling with her new identity. Draco wants nothing more than to leave his past behind and start afresh. They fall in love, drift apart, find each other again, and discover that life is not as simple as they once thought. 🕯 Soliloquies by staringathesun @staringathesunbabe

Ship(s): Regulus Black/James Potter

Rating: E

Summary:

The first person James has to fight is himself.

Right after that, there’s everyone else.

In a world where Voldemort and his followers were defeated before a war could break out, James navigates a life he believes he deserves. He has his friends at his side, and he plays for one of the best Quidditch teams in the League.

People had decided whether to stand with good or evil and were now facing the consequences.

In the middle of it all, in a dark gray limbo everyone’s hatred keeps pushing him into, stands Regulus Black.

🗝 The Existence of You by @elderwanderer

Ship(s): Remus Lupin/Sirius Black, Minor Remus Lupin/Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Remus Lupin & James Potter & Peter Pettigrew & Sirius Black

Rating: E

Summary:

Marauders. In. Space.

Need I say more?

📜 Your arson's match, your somber eyes, and I'll still see it until I die (you're the loss of my life) by Sagiko_AKA_RegulusBlackKinnieBITFW

Ship(s): Peter Pettigrew/James Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter

Rating: E

Summary:

Truthfully, James had grown quite a lot in the recent year, since the fall out of the prank they still couldn’t speak about.

“And she’s blind if she can’t see that.” He followed up quickly before ducking his head, letting his strawberry blond fringe hide his eyes.

“Thanks, Wormy,” James looked his way with teary eyes. “You guys are going to be my best friends, forever.”

The words felt like a hug and a knife digging into Peter’s chest. He had a feeling he’d never quite be more than one of three best friends, to James.... 🖌 Drowning in the blue Nile by @heartsoncover

Ship(s): Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter

Rating: M

Summary:

Harry has been drowning for longer than anyone has realised. **************

Be sure to check our page for Day 6’s reveals! Until then, Tortured Poets <3

🩶 Your mods, @wolfpadx @multiimoments @heartsoncover @lemonlans @mercurial-witch @steveahoi damagecontrol & shewritesmaybe

[nico-lovesthe-sun]

Hm guys should I get some piercings? New year, new me type thing?

@zeri4h-gr3y

@james-the-amazing-potter @starlight-starbright-thatsme @looneymoonyy @wormy-loves-ch33se @mystical-magical-me @xeno-graphical @malfoy-lu @rodolphus-le-strange @averykissableguy @fire-allayer @poison-penmanship @lifeofthe-barty @whokilledevanrosier @pandoras-nox @little-king-official @cas-not-the-band @marls-mckinn0n @hjonesworld @mary-mcdeal @emmelineandhervans @sybill-patricia-trelawney @lilytheginger @alicethekindone @flowers-of-narcissus @andromedashoax @the-queen-bellatrix @severusprince-snape @fabian-with-an-f @mollberryshortcake @fawningamos @k1ndest-keeper @aelius-with-a-quill @annajohn-silvae @adam-lukas-morningstar @imogenmorningstar @oxxen--free @camille-laurier @luciagraham @your-favourite-callie @addison-caddel @daughter-of-spring @magandang-kaluluwa @flyasaphoenix @tjsinclairofficial @secretlifeof-asher @toby-newtman-tics @bones-and-edgar @ted-the-teddy-tonks @alectocrow @orson-does-good-ish @clown-boy

[quitealotofsodapop]

Okay, let's be real: there is no effing way none of the kids were asking for pets - zilch! Even if they are demons/celestials/dragons, they gotta have wanted a pet.

So, who nearly gave in, who was the voice of reason, and what pet did the fam get in the end?

Absolutely.

MK and Mei are def the kids who tried to scheme/bargain to have a dog throughout their childhood. Nezha is a lot chiller on the subject, but would argue that a growing up with a pet would help with social stuff. Chenxiang would also like a pet, and tries to argue for the kiddos, but can be easily distracted with a marimo (moss ball). A lot of the time they can scratch that wanting-a-pet-itch by chilling on the boat with Sandy's foster cats, but sometimes a kid just really wants a dog.

Wukong wants to give the kids some pet responsibilities, but this man has bad history with dogs so none of those. Probably shows the kids the gnarly scar "an old war buddy's dog" [aka Xiaotian Quan] gave him to try and dissuade them. No fish either - he's seen what evil goldfishes can get up to. His fave animals are of the large hooved variety, so he's not allowed to get a pet either. He almost gave in one time when he met a really affectionate chihuahua once though, tiny dogs be a different matter. Will frequently use his limited magic to turn into whatever animal the kids are arguing for and cause havoc around the apartment until they admit defeat.

Macaque is sneakier. He knows his kids aren't gonna take great care of a whole pet by themselves if he just gives them one - cus they're kids, and have the attention spans of a monkey and a lizard combined. So he slyly says something like; "Your Uncle Sandy has a new batch of foster kittens, maybe he needs help raising them?" And the kids go nuts all the way to the boat. After weeks of bottlefeeding, butt-wiping, and litter changing for foster kittens; MK and Mei don't ask for a pet for a while. Macaque knows that the easiest way to halt the "Can we have a pet?"-train is to give the kids *actual* responsibility that they have to do. Vaguely considers guinea pigs or rabbits as a pet option, but that goes out the window with the addition of a certain little cat demon into the family.

Pigsy is the one to put his foot down and say: "No, absolutely not. Pets are a huge responsibility, and you live above a restaurant." Thinks most animals are just health hazards waiting to happen. Ironically the One Time he agreed to let the kids keep a pet, was when a stray kitten came into the restaurant. That kitten turned out to be Bai He. Pigsy is suspicious of any future animal additions to the family.

Tang ends up offering the ultimate compromise in this situation. He's great at "bargaining" with the kids to distract them for a while. He offers that if the kids can successfully raise a caterpillar into a butterfly - then they might be ready for a bigger animal. Cue a little terriarium in the apartment, and the kids are fixated on a little wormy guy for the next couple of weeks.

MK: "Pama! We did it!" Tang: "Huh?" Mei: "The caterpillar! It came out of its crys-alis!" Tang: *looks at terriarium in surprise* Tang, laughing to himself: "Sorry kiddos. But your "butterfly", is actually a moth. I must have grabbed a silkworm on accident." MK & Mei: "Aw..." Tang: "But hey, lets go to the pet store and see if you guys are ready for an upgrade!" MK & Mei, eyes sparkling with joy: "Upgrade! Upgrade!"

Tang's idea of an "upgrade" was one of those sea monkey/aqua dragon kits. MK and Mei were very disappointed when the eggs hatched and weren't tiny monkey-mermaids or baby dragons - Nezha on the otherhand was fascinated and now keeps one of those mini-aquariums in his room.

Sandy is def the one to make the kids truly understand the Effort and Responsibility a pet requires by having them help out with foster cats. He would however, completely fold if the kids ever asked to to keep one of the cats as a foster fail. He can't say no to them.

Eventually they accidentally find the perfect animal while visiting their "Grand Aunts/Uncles" [the Stalwarts] in the mountains. A frequent vistor to Uncle Beng's garden.

Mei and MK, eyes sparkling: "What are you?" Tortoise: :> Mei: "You're our friend now." Tortoise: *seems ok with this*

Wukong and Macaque just looked at the kiddos with their new buddy like; "Yeah sure I guess. Can't live that long can it?"

Its been over ten years since that moment, and Pangu the Tortoise is still alive and chilling around the (now-MK's) apartment. Mei takes care of Pangu every-so often and has a "bachelor pad" for him (+a bearded dragon) in her apartment. Pangu is currently the size of a small dog and bites tf out of Red Son whenever he visits. Completely normal animal. Unamused by magic, even when he and the other pets get babysat by the Stalwarts during the chaos of S3 - he's more mad that LBD's ice froze his lettuce.

SWK and Mac honestly didn't know Pangu was a long-lived species when they took him in but are glad it stopped any talk of pets... from kid MK and Mei.

Now the Eclipse twins are starting to complain about wanting pets too ever since Shadowpeach upgraded to an actual house. Bai He has to be talked down from keeping every street cat she finds. And of course MK is now a grown adult and is starting to think he's ready for the responsibility of a dog.

Its a never ending struggle.

[stealingpotatoes]

askposting (but in the afternoon for a change)

feat stuff, the new tl4j au, anakin being anakin, and jedi survivor

putting this one above the cut Yep you absolutely can use my art as PFP/headers!!!! just PLEASE CREDIT ME IN UR BIO or smthn!!!

(ok rest below the cut)

you get why he was called wormie at school, i too would bully him. nerd.

do NOT let that child around other padawans, he WILL teach them how to make improvised explosives and every single swear word under the suns. if the jedi had a santa equivalent he would be the kid to say santa isnt real

LMAO well I have a few versions of how I want them to meet, tho I need to work out certain bits of the plot to know which one for sure!! but omg i love that, he inherited padme's and leia's often-questionable taste in men and it mutated to be even worse

-- JEDI SURVIVOR SPOILERS BELOW!! --

@starsciencees wah,, yeah!! i saw a fic (sorry can't remember what its called) where cal sets up a temporary archive in cere's old room on the mantis <3

@imperial-spy loll i've said in a couple posts i've finished the game now!! i LOVE bode he's so complicated and interesting and another primo example of how attachments bad (while cal shows how love is good!!! still!! theyre not always the same!!) and man.t he ending. ouch. oof. im a big enough person to admit when kata put her toy on bode's pyre i just suddenly lost it crying

I WAS VERY SUPPORTIVE OF HIM GOING DARKSIDE BC THATS HOW I WAS FEELING TOO!!!! when merrin was like this isnt you cal i was like okay i love you babe but. can i at least kill this one last ISB guy. you know as a treat

also thats not the only time i said shit that came back to bite like:

[onegianthotmess]

It’s Teatime!

Summary: Faust’s reject experimental elixir somehow made its way into Amelia’s sleepytime tea one night and she woke up as a little girl! And, being the only resident with any free time to watch the maid-turned-child, Isaac got roped into shenanigans by an Amelia that is ten times more chaotic than normal!

You guys can thank @natimiles for this! This is mostly for them and for my little wormy brain, but I hope you enjoy regardless!!!

“Why do I have to look after her?” Isaac asked Comte, uncomfortable with the small pair of eyes on him. Amelia, who was now about the age of five or six, hadn’t stopped staring at Isaac since he walked into the room and it really made the scientist rather uncomfortable and tense. “Couldn’t Napoleon just take her when he goes to teach the children in town? Or maybe Sebastian could watch over her?”

“Well, Napoleon already left, Sebastian has some pretty big chores and shopping for dinner to handle, and everyone else is too busy. And even if some of the others were free, I don’t trust some of them with looking after a child, especially a small girl who’s practically an evil genius as an adult,” Comte sighed apologetically. “And I have a few things to sort out today, so you’re really the only one who can look after her, Isaac. And, if this predicament doesn’t disappear tomorrow, I’ll have Leonardo look after her so you won’t have to. So, could you please do this just for today?”

Even though a small part of him wanted to, Isaac knew he couldn’t really argue with Comte. The only real plans he’d had for his day were to catch up on some reading and possibly start reading the new encyclopedia Comte had bought last month since Leonardo finished it last week. So, with a small nod of understanding and agreement, Isaac led Amelia out of the nobleman’s room and into the hallway.

Once out in the hall, Isaac couldn’t help but stare back at Amelia, who hadn’t looked away from him for even a second, out of nervousness. Had Amelia blinked even once since she’d begun to stare? The scientist couldn’t be sure.

“Uh-Uhm…Wh-Wha-What would you like t-to do?” Isaac stuttered out awkwardly, hoping that the question would divert Amelia’s complete attention from him, if just a little.

To Isaac’s relief and surprise, Amelia looked of to the side in thought. The thought of giving Amelia too many options and too much power in this situation briefly crossed Isaac’s mind, but it was far too late now. And it was especially too late when Amelia perked up and grabbed Isaac’s hand and began to pull him down the hall towards her room.

And, despite being five years old now, Amelia pulled Isaac along quite easily. He may not have been a very big man, being the shortest in the mansion and not the most physically powerful out of the residents, but he still naturally had quite a lot of strength as a vampire. And yet, here he was, being pulled down the hall by a five year old Amelia as if she still had the same amount of strength she did as an adult.

Before Isaac could internally question Amelia’s peculiar strength any further, he felt a tug on his sleeve. Cherry blossom colored eyes looked down to see Amelia gripping onto his sleeve and pointing at the door. Isaac then looked to the door to see the problem; Amelia was just a bit too short to reach the knob. The doors in the mansion were definitely custom designed and the knobs were a bit higher than a standard door design, so it made sense that Amelia couldn’t quite reach well enough to get a good enough grip to actually turn the knob and open the door to her room.

Isaac waited for the child to nod her head before he opened the door to her room only for her to pull him inside and pull him to one of the plush chairs. Taking the hint, Isaac sat down and looked down at the brunette girl who looked at him a moment to make sure he’d stay put before she smiled…and ran off.

Isaac’s first instinct was to go after her, but he wouldn’t even know where to look. It was hard enough to understand Amelia as an adult, but he couldn’t even begin to understand the woman as a child! So, the physicist stayed put so he wouldn’t be wandering around aimlessly and possibly worry the brunette girl if she came back and he wasn’t there.

Isaac didn’t have to wait long, however, as Amelia quickly returned with a basket in tow. And it was definitely quite heavy for her, seeing as her body was almost pulled down by it when she set it down. But, after a few moments catching her breath, Amelia perked up once more and pushed the basket over by Isaac’s feet before she opened it.

And the physicist watched with shock, and the question of where the brunette girl got her supplies so quickly in his mind, as Amelia quickly spread what looked to be a small spare tablecloth on the coffee table in front of Isaac and began to set things on the now covered table, including a tea set with three cups, three plates and three forks, serving utensils, and an entire apple pie. Where and how Amelia got those things and put them in that basket without breaking anything or making a mess, Isaac would never know the answer to that particular question no matter how much he’d ask or how long he’d stay up at night pondering it.

When Amelia finished setting up the table, she quickly moved to tug on Isaac’s hand, signaling for him to stand. The physicist did as he was silently told and let Amelia pull him to her closet before she stopped and turned to look up at the cherry blossom eyed man with a smile.

Seeing the confusion on the man’s face, Amelia explained her intentions. “You have to be dressed right to have tea,” she said, making the physicist tense up.

“D-Dressed right?” Isaac asked, now getting nervous.

He knew that he was small enough to fit Amelia’s adult clothes, with them being a bit long and loose on him due to Amelia being taller than him and quite a curvy woman as an adult. But, the idea of wearing those clothes, made Isaac shy and internally panic.

What if someone came home and walked in, seeing him in women’s clothes? What if he messed up one of Amelia’s favorite pieces that Comte had bought her? What if it was something expensive?

The physicist was pulled out of his panicked thoughts when he felt a tug on his pant leg. Isaac looked down to see the small brunette girl giving him puppy eyes.

“Please, Isaac?” Amelia asked. “I’ll make sure you’re very pretty and you can have a big piece of pie, too.”

Amelia always had a knack for convincing Isaac to do something. She never asked for anything big, but it was still impressive how easy it was for her to convince Isaac to do something for her. Maybe it was how patient she’s always been, or how she babied Isaac in a sort of motherly way.

Either way, Amelia’s convincing skills were ten times more affective when she was a child with some of the biggest and cutest eyes Isaac had ever seen.

Isaac sighed, “O-Okay. You can d-dress me up.”

Amelia beamed up at him and immediately began to look for something to put Isaac in, pulling aside dresses by their bottoms to get as good of a look as she could get of them. When she found one, the brunette’s peach colored eyes lit up and she looked to Isaac with a silent request, which the physicist understood and immediately took out a cream colored sundress, clearly from the 21st century from the style of it, with a print of peach-pink lily of the valley flowers printed at the bottom. It was simple and it would most definitely fit Isaac, even if it would be a bit loose and long on him, especially in the chest.

Amelia clapped her hands in pure joy as she fully saw the dress. It was perfect, especially with the peach-pink colored flowers at the bottom, and all she had to do was get things to put in Isaac’s hair and he’d be ready to have tea. The brunette girl quickly pulled Isaac to the changing screen in the room and left him there to rush to the vanity to try and find any hair accessories that would match the dress Isaac would wear.

Meanwhile, Isaac’s cheeks went as pink as his hair and eyes as he stripped out of his usual clothes, save for his underwear, and placing them on the stool that was also behind the screen. Once his regular clothes were off, Isaac looked to the dress that he’d hung up on a hook on the screen and his cheeks went a slightly darker shade of pink as what he was about to do was really hitting him. It wasn’t that he loathed the idea, as he’d rather see Amelia happy than feel guilty for making her cry, it was just the embarrassing idea of being caught dressed in women’s clothing that made him apprehensive about putting on the dress.

After a moment, Isaac was able to not think about those embarrassing thoughts for a little bit and he began to focus on how to put the dress on. Stepping into it and pulling it up would probably pop a few stitches and ruin it a bit, so the only other option was to pull it over his head. It took the physicist a moment, but when he figured out which way was the front, he managed to slip it onto his body.

The dress was loose on Isaac, as he expected, but it gave him anxiety as he felt it would slip off at any given moment. Then he noticed the pink ribbon that looked like it could tie around the front of the dress. Isaac quickly put two and two together and tied the ribbon comfortably around his front into a secure bow, making sure it looked nice so Amelia would be pleased and so that he wouldn’t have a crying girl on his hands.

Once he was sure he was done, Isaac quietly stepped out from behind the screen and walked over to Amelia, who was digging through a drawer full of what looked to be hair accessories. After a moment, the brunette perked up when she found something that pleased her and took it out of the drawer before turning to be met with Isaac in the dress she’d picked out for him. Amelia’s mouth stretched as wide as it could as she beamed in awe at Isaac, clearly very happy with the dress she’d chosen.

Amelia took another short moment to admire Isaac in the dress before making a motion signaling the physicist to crouch down to eye level with her. Once Isaac had followed the silent instruction, the brunette girl gently placed a white headband on his head. It was soft and didn’t hurt the sides of his head, thankfully, most likely being something that Amelia had with her when she’d first arrived through the door from the twenty first century.

Her peach colored eyes sparkled up at the man before she pulled him behind her so he could look at himself in the mirror. And Isaac didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t really be mad at what he saw reflected back at him.

The dress fit nicely with the bow secured around the front, the pink accents brought out his eyes and hair, it suited his complexion as well, and the headband was sort of like the cherry on top of it all. Isaac really didn’t mind how he looked in the mirror, not that he’d wear these clothes outside or around the mansion for everyone to see, even if it would be very embarrassing to be caught dressed like this.

“You’re so pretty!” Amelia beamed. “And now we can have tea and pie!”

The brunette hopped down from the bench she was standing on and led Isaac back over to the coffee table by the hand. She pulled him to where she wanted him to sit before she rushed away to the closet as Isaac sat down on the floor to pull out what looked to be a stuffed animal. But, it could really be called an animal, due to the fact that it had the word “MILK” embroidered on the front and had strawberries on the front as well, thus implying it was most likely strawberry milk. But why did it have two black eyes and a smile then? Why did the eyes stare into his soul as well?

“Amelia,” Isaac asked, “what is that, exactly?”

“Hm?” Amelia hummed with a smile as she gently set the plush across the table from where the physicist sat cross legged on the carpeted floor. The brunette then looked to the tag attached to the plush and smiled. “It’s a Squishmallow, silly! Her name is Amelie and she’s a carton of strawberry milk! Isn’t she cute?”

“Where did you even get it?” Isaac asked, still a bit uneasy from the big eyes of the plush sitting in front of him. “And ‘squishmallow’ isn’t even a real word.”

“Well, if I remember right, I’m pretty sure the nice Comte man went through the big door at the end of the hall to get some of my things for me a month or two after I started living here,” Amelia replied, squinting as the thought hard. “At least I’m pretty sure that’s what he told me. He went over everything when he went back to get me and told me where everything was, too. But he did say this is my room, so I should know where things are to make it a bit easier to live here.”

“I see,” Isaac murmured, figuring it best to just be satisfied with the answer he was given rather than press for more. Amelia was forgetful of important things enough as an adult, even worse as a child.

Amelia moved to the tea pot on the table and picked it up, holding the lid down as she tipped it and a white liquid poured out from the spout and into the cup in front of the “Squishmallow” that sat across from Isaac. It took the physicist a moment to put two and two together, but he eventually realized that it was just milk in the tea pot. It made sense after all, considering Amelia wasn’t a big fan of tea and found the tea at the mansion was particularly too bitter for her tastes, even with plenty of sugar in it.

Amelia poured milk into two of the three cups on the table, switching out the full cup of milk on front of her plush for the empty one, before she set the tea pot down and sat down, looking to Isaac.

“Would you cut the pie, please?” Amelia asked, thankfully knowing she was too small to handle cutting a pie by herself. She’d probably end up cutting off a finger or something if Isaac didn’t do it.

Isaac simply nodded and cut two pieces of pie, handing one to Amelia. The rest of the little “tea party” was spent in comfortable silence as the physicist and the maid-turned-child ate their pieces of pie and enjoyed each other’s company. The two even managed to finish off the pie, which wasn’t too bad as it was only a couple inches and more of a small desert that even one person could easily finish by themselves. The two continued to enjoy each other’s company as they played simple card games and Isaac continued to play dress-up with a very happy Amelia.

Eventually, both of them fell asleep on Amelia’s bed, the brunette girl curled in the arms of the physicist as they both slept peacefully through the night.

However, the next morning, Isaac was met with panic as Amelia was gone. He looked in every corner of the bedroom, only to find that he was alone and the brunette was missing. But, before Isaac could panic, the door to the room opened and the physicist was met with the sight of Amelia leading Leonardo into her room, the Renaissance man still looking quite drowsy. That drowsiness quickly melted away, however, when Leonardo locked eyes with Isaac dressed in one of Amelia’s sundresses and a headband.

“Cara mia, did you dress him up?” Leonardo asked, looking down at a very proud looking Amelia.

The brunette nodded with a smile, “I made him even prettier!”

“I see,” Leonardo replied before looking to the mortified physicist. “She didn’t force you into it or threaten you to do it, did she?”

“I didn’t want to make her cry and that possibility was the only threat I needed,” Isaac replied quickly.

Leonardo nodded, “I can see that. Well, I can take things from here, Isaac. You can change and I’ll watch the bambina for now.”

Isaac nodded and quickly went behind the changing screen where he left his clothes. He shortly came back into view of the Italian man and the brunette girl with the dress he was wearing folded neatly and the headband placed on top. He placed them down on the coffee table away from the dirty dishes that still needed to be taken care of before he went to the door to leave, only to stop and look back.

“I- uhm…Have fun?” Isaac offered with a shy wave before he left the room and disappeared down the hall.

“Wasn’t he so pretty?” Amelia asked with a smile.

Leonardo chuckled, ruffling the brunette’s hair before smiling, “Si, cara mia, he was so very pretty.”

Well, there you have it! I’m very sorry it took so long, but at least it’s done! Now I can work on Jane and Theo! PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR HEARTS BROKEN AND MENDED!!! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

[anhed-nia]

I was delighted to learn that there was a crazy-girl Black Swan movie from before BLACK SWAN, and disappointed that it's exactly as mysogynistic, just in a much dumber way. We're all familiar with the John Hughes model of romance, in which girls who reject you just want you to be increasingly persistent and controlling--but there's a sort of kid brother to this framework, that says that when women reject you it's actually because they're literally fucking insane, and they need your help with that. In the movie ETOILE aka BALLET, Jennifer Connelly aka the most beautiful woman in the universe plays a ballerina whose psychotic obsession with Swan Lake interferes with her non-relationship with some little dweeb who decides he's entitled to her. The guy looks and kind of acts like the wormy new wave guy Chuck in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (fig. 1), but in ROTLD that used car salesman suit is a joke so I don't know what the makers of ETOILE think I'm supposed to feel when I look at this asshole (fig. 2). Something positive, apparently. It's funny, in my life I live firmly in the Ugly Girl camp and I have all the usual neuroses about it, but certain situations unlock this protectiveness about beautiful women--case in point, watching this jerk kiss Jennifer Connelly. I mean if he were like Bud Cort or someone with that Funny Valentine quality, who is warm and charming, then it would be fine, but with this low-end cretin it's really like...sir, please back away from Jennifer Connelly. This is not for you.

In this movie Jennifer Connelly is frankly way too good for this guy, and if this were real life, it would make perfect sense that she's polite to him and then gives him the brush-off when he pushes his luck; but of course, in the fantasy world of this movie, the reason she rejects him is that she's fucking possessed or something and she's just waiting for him to rescue her from her feminine irrationality. This is extra funny because the script itself directly references the myth of Apollo and Daphne which is like the original version of this: Daphne just wants to be left alone, but Apollo assumes his advances are desirable no matter what she has to say about it; to get away from him she transforms into a tree, and he's so sad about it that he desecrates her corpse weaves a wreath from her leaves. This is really the ultimate reflection of a man refusing to believe that a particular hot chick really, genuinely doesn't want him, but ETOILE isn't capable of figuring out that subtext, so the guy just forces himself on Jennifer Connelly until she isn't "crazy" anymore. Bonus points for the scene where he repeatedly screams at her to stop dancing, because there's really no bigger threat to romance than a woman's career and personal interests.

I wish I could think of more examples of this trope, I know they're out there, and I did just see another one called FEMME FATALE where Lisa Zane marries Colin Firth and then "mysteriously" leaves him, so he has to go on this whole odyssey to retrieve her. This is a particularly funny example because Firth is mopey and boring and untalented and a bad listener and out of shape and a drag, and Zane is this turbulent sexpot who is making it really obvious that she's not satisfied with him right up to the point that she "strangely" vanishes. Spoilers ahead I guess but the first thing Firth finds out is that she was in some psychotic art film by a militant lesbian who she used to date...and still the spurned husband thinks, nah, it CAN'T be that I'm boring and sappy and self-centered and I ignore her needs, and it ALSO CAN'T be that maybe she secretly prefers girls or is, at the very least, way more sexually exotic than I am. There has to be some OTHER reason I got dumped, something that involves me pursuing this uninterested woman to the ends of the earth and forcing her to admit that she loves only me, forever. And the movie totally agrees with him: There's no moment where Colin Firth realizes that he misread all the evidence, or even that she's EVIL or just not who he thought she was or whatever. Instead what he finds out is that she's literally insane! She's a paranoid schizophrenic whose only valid choices of companion are her dad or, you guessed it, Colin Firth. When I saw this I thought wow, this movie has gone impossibly far out of its way to explain that when a woman rejects you, it's not because you're a dullard and a jerk, it's because she's dangerously crazy. Only an actual lunatic would turn down a catch like YOU.

Anyway I know I was just talking about not being pointlessly mean about movies in public, but all bets are off if the movie manages to say something this insulting. I am now done talking about this and I will leave you with this hilarious thumbnail from a YouTube clip of FEMME FATALE, which pretty well sums up the whole movie.

[sideprince]

Speaking of James, what do you think of him in the prequel + Lily’s letter? She mentioned him not having the chance to go on excursions without the cloak, despite them being in hiding.

I've been thinking about this question and funnily enough it came up in another post where I had a fun back and forth with @seriousbrat! I should probably preface my answer by saying that I haven't put that much thought into James or Lily in general, and I don't really spend time in the parts of the fandom that discuss them at length, so my thoughts are based on a cursory revisiting of the text. Some of what I say may be basic stuff for the Jily/Marauders/¯\_(ツ)_/¯ parts of the fandom, some of it may be stuff that has already been counter argued with points I haven't thought of, etc. This isn't my area of interest, but your question is interesting! Tl;dr proceed with caution I guess lol.

The first thing that comes to mind about the letter from Lily to Sirius is why she wrote it in the first place. My own reading of it is that it's meant to be exposition more than something that has to do with a thought out relationship between these characters. Like many others, I'm frustrated with the minimal and flat way Lily is written. We get very few insights into who she was, most of them through descriptions from other characters like Slughorn. To me it's clear that Rowling held back on her for the sake of the big reveal at the end of DH, and I think a lot of Lily's character development got thrown under the bus as a result. But it could also just be that Lily is writing a thank you to Sirius for Harry's birthday present and it was the only time she ever sent him anything, but in the process she's giving him an update since they know each other as well as anyone knows their spouse's best friend.

In her letter she writes:

James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell - also, Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much.

Deathly Hallows Ch. 10

Lily is showing a lot of sympathy for James here, while also acknowledging that if he had his Invisibility Cloak he would probably be sneaking out under it. I know that this implication is contentious across fandoms, and my own thoughts on it are: it falls within James' character to do something like that and be reckless, but while I think it's irresponsible and shitty, I also don't think he's satan incarnate for it, by any means. To me it - and how young James tends to be written - shows that he's an immature guy in a war where he spends most of his time shut up in a comfortable house instead of fighting (ie. his ideals aren't tested or challenged by trauma), and the first chance he gets to do something brave he forgets his wand on the couch and is immediately killed. I think James had very good intentions but kind of bad follow through.

In her letter, Lily is also asking Sirius to come visit to cheer James up, which I find strange, given the two men are such close friends. Why should Lily have to ask Sirius to visit? Are he and James not in touch? Or is Lily being thoughtful and identifying James needs and trying to meet them when he hasn't done so himself? Again, I think this letter is more about exposition, so I don't think there's any significant meaning here, just that the author was a bit careless. Lily then goes on to say:

Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons; I cried all evening when I heard.

For me there's a conspicuous absence of any note referring to what a comfort James was. I talked about this in my other ask, but I think a lot of James, and as an extension his relationship with Lily, is the author's projection of her own experience in an abusive relationship and what she wishes it had been. That isn't to say I think James abused Lily, but rather that Rowling transferred some of her abusive husband's qualities onto James, while also projecting a fantasy of what she wished he had been onto the character too, ie. a devoted, loving father onto him who would - and did - die for his family. A lot of James' actions, mannerisms, and words - his arrogance, dismissiveness, and enjoyment of cruelty towards select people he has dehumanized - raises my own red flags as an abuse survivor. While I think he was a bully at school - and bullying is a form of abuse - I don't think he was abusive to his wife or child. I could draw a parallel with the phenomenon of the prison guard who enacts cruelty on his charges freely and then goes home and is a loving, doting husband and father who wouldn't hurt a fly, because he only abuses those he dehumanizes. Instead, though, what I think is going on is that Rowling is projecting a lot of her first husband onto James, and unconsciously and unintentionally leaving a trail of abuser red flags written into his character.

It hits hard for me that Lily is concerned enough about James, and empathetic enough of him, that she shares her worry about his frustration and cabin fever with his best friend, and asks him to come visit, because she wants to cheer James up - yet she makes no mention of James being a comfort to her when she spends all night crying about her friend being murdered. In short, Lily is identifying and attending to James' needs but we see no indication that this is reciprocated. It doesn't feel out of line for an abuse victim to describe a relationship like this, especially since it would be so simple to have added something like, "as difficult as it is being shut up in this cottage, it was a great comfort to have James that night."

It's odd to me that someone thoughtful enough to attend to their spouse's emotional needs would forgo expression appreciation for them doing the same, so my reading of this is that James doesn't provide Lily with the same kind of comfort. More importantly, it doesn't seem to be on Rowling's radar to mention how James reacted to his wife outright crying for a whole evening, which tracks with how a lot of abuse victims understand relationships, ie. it often doesn't occur to them that they should be reciprocal. And so, Rowling forgets to add in the bit where James offers Lily comfort, perhaps because it was something she lacked experience of and therefore didn't think to write. And while I feel the need to include the requisite statement of "fuck JKR and her transphobic, bigoted views" I also feel that despite that, I won't sink to her level and dehumanize others, and therefore feel it's still important to balance that view with sympathy for her experiences as an abuse victim.

As for the prequel, the implication seems to be that two muggle cops got in the middle of James and Sirius escaping from some Death Eaters. It's a fun little piece but also reveals that Rowling really benefits from having an editor, because the prose is overwrought and a bit clumsy. In terms of what it says about James' and Sirius' character, they don't seem at all concerned with violating the Statute of Secrecy in front of muggles, or with protecting those muggles from the three wizards who are presumably Death Eaters. James and Sirius were described by Rowling as "bad boys" and she talked about how this was something sexy that all women loved in men (which I find problematic for a number of reasons), however she doesn't seem to differentiate between youthful rebelliousness and selfish destructiveness. It's something Lupin talks about in PoA when he reflects on their youthful adventures. In any case, James and Sirius weren't rebellious - not in their bullying at school, not in their animagi nights, and not in the prequel. They weren't challenging an unfair authority or status quo, but instead were pursuing their own fun for fun's sake, and other people often get hurt, or come dangerously close to it.

In the prequel they leave the cops vulnerable and without defense with the three DEs who are knocked out and might be back on their feet any minute. Given that Death Eaters torture muggles for sport in canon, this seems like a careless and callous move. I also feel like the Phoenix shirts are a bit cheesy... Dumbledore would never? Is the idea that James and Sirius made the shirts themselves? Or is this just another clumsy literary device that exists for the sake of exposition but doesn't fit the characters all that well? I feel like if the Order did have some kind of gear with their emblem on it, it would be more subtle and also a bit more refined than a t-shirt. The idea of these besties wearing matching shirts is cute, it just feels out of character.

I'm not sure if this was the parallel you meant to draw or were asking about, but as to whether the prequel story takes place while James and Lily are in hiding, I don't think it does. James and Sirius are described as looking like they're in their "late teens" and this seems to be a pretty clear indication from the author that this is the age they're at. James and Lily are killed when they're 21, and they'd been in hiding for about a year according to @said-snape-softly's calcutations in this amazing post (though I need to adjust the timeline a bit because @saintsenara had some great thoughts too in this other post). So even if it was just a year or six months in between, I think the prequel story is set before James and Lily go into hiding.

[whinlatter]

omg, andromeda and ginny, parvati and harry, peter and lily, petunia and james (humor me)

waaaait i love these!

andromeda and ginny (@saintsenara also asked about andromeda and harry so answering that one here too): poor andromeda. your beloved husband, treasured daughter and the son-in-law you tolerate all die, and then you get (1) seventeen year old trying to do up godparent with his gobby girlfriend in tow. nightmare. in this is what andromeda imagined teddy would be up to each time harry and ginny babysat:

i reckon it takes andromeda a long time to properly warm up to and trust harry and ginny after the war. harry, she understands, has at least some claim to being involved in teddy's life as godfather that she honours even if she doesn't like it: ginny's just an add-on to that. i do tend to like the idea of andromeda as someone who left her family and married for love but who is still marked by her aristocratic origins, who retains a kind of protective conservativism and sense of propriety that makes her a bit sceptical of this guardianship arrangement of 'grandmother plus teenage godson plus his girlfriend apparently'. i think it gets a bit easier with time, though as teddy gets older, i can imagine harry still being quite deferential to andromeda's wishes while ginny's the one to lightly challenge andromeda's authority a bit more and taking a more liberal approach as a guardian to teddy. i can imagine them falling out over ginny buying teddy some booze or to taking him to get a piercing or tattoo or something. (andromeda was born in the mid-fifties, after all). this conflict with ginny reminds andromeda, painfully, of her clashes with dora all those years ago, which just makes it all that bit worse.

parvati and harry: yung parvati definitely fancied harry. and you know what? i maintain that yung harry thought parvati was quite fit too (he's into hair and he stares at hers a bit. i rest my case). i also maintain that the only reason yung harry didn't fancy parvati more is because she giggled too much and he can be such a sourpuss. and as a paid up member of the campaign to let girls giggle (CLGG) i say: justice for patil!

peter and lily: to me, peter was exactly the kind of misogynist dweeb that male friendship groups often pick up early and let slosh around within their ranks for far too long past their expiration date. (you know what i mean! there's so often that one guy! and he sucks! and they're like yeah but he's been here too long there's no getting rid! and then he ignores you when you go with them to the pub! fuck that guy!) i don't think peter and lily were ever close - i'm always struck how in her letter to sirius, lily talks about peter's visit in the context of her trying to have his friends visit to cheer him up, rather than out of her own affection for him ('James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell — also, Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much. Wormy was here last weekend, I thought he seemed down, but that was probably the news about the McKinnons...') i tend to subscribe to the view of the marauders that is sirius, peter and, to a lesser but still real extent, remus, all orbiting james, and lily being closest with sirius of those four by virtue of him being james' best mate, but never really being one of the four of them herself, and definitely being least close with peter out of all of them. i don't think lily distrusted peter, but i think the secret-keeper switch shouldn't be taken as sign of great warmth and affection.

petunia and james: james, obviously, thought petunia was a fucking nightmare. petunia, obviously, thought james was a spoiled layabout wastrel of the highest order. she did however get a wee look at lily and james' wedding pictures despite herself and think sirius was really fit. just because she's a dickhead but that doesn't mean she can't have taste!

thanks anon!