#new meds again

[cljordan-imperium]

After 3 days of increasing pain...3 injections later and my brain is no longer feeling like it's going to escape my skull...

[roebeanstalk]

help needed for bills & food

venmo

kofi paypal

cashapp

I owe my roommate for three months worth of utilities now, and it's to the point where I'm anxious to leave my bedroom again. I'm too anxious to double check the amount due but it's about $280 I think.

I'm really struggling to pull in commissions and having an incredibly rough time getting myself in a good spot to seek employment. working with my psych and therapist to try to get myself there but between scheduling issues and anxiety and a general Very Hard Time Doing Anything Ive been unable to make any real progress.

any help at all is super appreciated. donations and the occasional commission are the only way I've been able to stay afloat. thank you so much.

[territorial-utopia]

Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)

Sure has been a year.

[schizopositivity]

It sucks so much that as someone with a severe and persistent mental illness it's MY responsibility to jump through hoops and be proactive in contacting people at limited times of the day just to get MY MEDS THAT I'VE BEEN TAKING CONSISTENTLY FOR YEARS

[mattodore]

pov your boyfriend asks if you're really not going to stay the night :(

[crybaby-bkg]

cw: Bakugou dies but comes back to life, “comes back wrong” trope, implied fighting, angst

When Bakugou died, you’re not sure how you went on living. Grief had taken over your life, sat you in the passenger side while it cruised off the highway into icy waters. And even then, you couldn’t find the energy to drown.

It’s why there’s a sudden uptick of energy when you’re promised to have him back. Some top scientists contact you months after his death, tell you to hurry down to the headquarters labs, come and rejoice for what you’re about to witness. And you’re horrified, to say the least.

“This isn’t my husband.” Are your first words when you walk in, watch the figure on the other side of the glass examine its own hands. It looks like your husband but—but his hair isn’t the right shade of blond all over. His nose bridge had a slight bump after a scuffle with a villain. He had a scar on his hand but—but it never looked like it was to sew a pinky beside the other fingers.

“Is that really my husband?” You ask next in disbelief, slowly entering the room. Bakugou’s head snaps up, his eyes a little brighter than you remember but—they hold so much emotion. So much memory, so much panic, so much guilt.

“I left you.” He mutters, his voice raspy and ragged, and you wonder if it’ll always be like this now. It makes you cry a little harder than it should, but you only embrace each other. He’s cold and his shoulders don’t hold the same mass and his back doesn’t carry the same scars. There’s one, jagged and rough, running down his back, and you think, you think that’s where they slipped a new spine in.

“Welcome back home.” You tell him, weeks after meeting him again, new and not totally—Katsuki. He’s stiff and he doesn’t immediately take off his boots when he enters, and it worries you. Makes you think if you’ve just let a stranger into your home, one that has stolen your dead husbands face. Makes you wonder if he’ll be as loving as Katsuki once was, or if he’ll become your monster looming over you with the guilt of not being able to rest anymore.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whisper against his mouth one night, a little while after he’s moved back. You don’t know why you lay under him, why you let him nestle himself inside of you, why you let him hold you against his chest. Katsuki always ran his hands over your cheeks and neck whenever he held you like this, but this…man, only holds himself up with his hands resting beside your head. It’s alien, how he looks at you, how his hips are methodically measured with every thrust, how he kisses you every 8 seconds. You wonder if he’s more robot than Frankenstein monster.

“Why did you come back to me like this?” You ask him one night, barricaded in the bathroom away from him. You can hear his sobs on the other side, his pleading to be let in. He tells you he never wanted to come back if he had to be like this, that he’s sorry, please let him in, he misses the warmth of your skin, he’s never been so cold before, he’s never liked the cold.

“Is this considered cheating?” You ask yourself aloud one night, when Bakugou is forced back to the lab when he becomes too…un-Bakugou. To sleep with a man that is your husband in every way but? Your husband has been dead for a year now, and yet you stroke the chin of the man that tries so hard to be him everyday, but fails so miserably at it every time.

“I’ll come back to you right this time.” Bakugou promises to you when he’s strapped down to leave for the lab and before he’s sedated. But you don’t believe him—you never did. Your husband is dead, and this animated corpse has been nothing but a cheap mockery of everything you’ve lost and something you will never truly get back.

[tj-crochets]

I cannot find the post anymore because my notes are a mess, but shoutout to the person who told me to look up a pattern for bloomers as an answer to my very vague post about maybe wanting to make shorts, you were absolutely right!!

I found an easy tutorial, all I have left to add are the bottom hems and elastic, and I did not have enough of any one pattern of flannel so instead I have half and half plaid flannel bloomers. They are going to be my winter pajama pants and I am delighted making them, they will be absolutely ridiculous

[wiltking]

i havent had a single day free from pain this year, and on one hand im proud of myself for putting out a sickass book this year despite all that, a book that wasnt even the one i planned to write+finish, that completely sprouted from nothing, and became something really special. but more than anything im just tired bro 😞

[hotwaterandmilk]

Without going into detail I had a medical emergency earlier this week that saw me wind up in hospital for a brief stint. I'm OK, I've got another lifelong condition to manage but it's mainly pain-related and that means it's management through outpatient neurology for me.

TL;DR it sucks, but it won't kill me so I don't want to dwell on it.

I just want to shout out to my beautiful cat who slept beside me for twelve hours straight after I got home and was nice to the paramedics when they were doing their job. She makes even the worst situations bearable. Love her, here's an artist's impression I commissioned:

While I still have a lot of plans for working on my Wedding Peach site, this new complication may slow me down a bit. I'll keep on keeping on though, you know me. Thanks for your patience.

[ohitslen]

College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)

[demeterdefence]

*making morning coffee*

… why the fuck did she end the comic like that

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

[spikes-got-anger-issues]

[darsynia]

Eye surgery on November 22nd!!!

ironically the 22nd is my family's 'bad things happen' date #, including catastrophically breaking my leg on 11/22/16 and two different kids in the hospital on 22nds of months (one of them with head staples) so this should be interesting

edit: LOL and yes, my husband was born on the 22nd

[sophiethewitch1]

finally got around one of the big mental blocks of chapter 8 because i finally figured out some bit with what jason would say to reader and oh my god guys this is all spoilers but. oh my god you dont know how much this is just tears tears tears tears why is he such a good fucking person after everything he has done and been done to him i hate him i hate him oh my god

[crybaby-bkg]

I think Bakugou loves you in such ways, that it seems small to other people. They ask you, how is he romantic? He doesn’t seem like the type—how does he woo you? Love you? And the answer comes so easily to you.

He loves you in ways that are overlooked by a glutton. He runs out into the rain when you come home from a long day, umbrella ready. The only thing you have to do is hold the handle, and he holds you—doesn’t let your feet touch the muddy ground, answers to your giggling inquiry of why you can’t walk with, because you’re too clumsy for your own good. That he can’t afford any more gauze or bandaids because of your slip ups, but he kisses them tender every time, anyway.

He loves you in ways that are simple, but carry more meaning than meets the eye. He buys your favorite food, your comfort snack along with it, stops at the convenience store to pick up those gross flavored drinks you swear by. It’s not even an ask from him, just a natural order of things, to spoil you in ways that come easily, in ways that you can’t help but praise, in ways that he becomes bashful because to him, all he’s doing is the bare minimum.

He loves you in ways that make your chest warm and your eyes sting. He adapts to you and your emotions, learns when holding you is enough and when his brash words of encouragement are needed. He reassures you, kisses kindly behind your ears when you need his voice of reasoning. He listens and he does and he tries and even though he thinks it may never be enough, it’s always the right timing.

Bakugou loves you in everyday small gestures that equal a lifetime of adoration. That shows you he doesn’t just tolerate you with the occasional grand gesture to shut your nagging up. He loves you everyday, chooses to, and the overwhelming feeling of being loved by Bakugou is something you don’t think anyone could truly ever understand.