#never question the clothing i choose to draw its always random

[heeleryuta]

gale for my troubles

[fujillamaparadise]

- ask me things you want to know about me - How are you doing today? <|^_^|>

- what’s on your mind/what you’re thinking about - Fedoras. I really want to wear mine right now. (I took a break and got my fedora, from now on I'm typing with a fedora on.) And my OC, Lucy (and he also has a fedora... With dark purple roses).

- a compliment - YOU'RE SUPER RAD, RADICAL, 80s COMPLIMENT!

- make me choose between two things - Never be able to reblog on [tumblr] again or never be able to have mutuals on [tumblr] again?

- tell me a secret - I found out I was AroAce because of Jaiden Animations, I was like 7 or 8, and when she said "I pretended to have a crush because everyone else had a crush." I felt that in my soul and I knew from then I was AroAce. (Not really a secret but something fun I haven't really told anyone about.)

- things you associate me with - Mangoes (because of the mango-colored bird). Random stranger on the internet who likes my blog a lot.

- anything!!!! - Recycling your question. Do you have any favorite aesthetics, time periods, fashions, architecture, etc.? (Vague, you don't have to answer each one.)

Today was somewhat fine I suppose, got to spend the day in a peaceful environment

hehe well you mention 'oc' now I've got one of my own ocs on my mind, I call her 'Liekki' for some reason even though I haven't had enough drive to draw/write for her lately; also fedoras are cool, glad you like them

compliments for you- love your blog, you're very kind to others, and the fact you sent me an ask is pretty neat

easy, never be able to have mutuals; I have a severe reblogging habit and will always find a way to support and have fun with anyone I care about even if it means not being mutuals, plus some of my 'mutuals' would always interact with each other's blogs but never mine so just being a 'mutual' doesn't necessarily turn you into someone who cares

secret- ok not much of a secret but more like a lesser known fact, one of my most vivid memories as a toddler was bonking my little brother on the head with a maraca then proceeding to try to keep him quiet so I wouldn't get in trouble (no, this memory is not at all significant to my life, why I remember it is beyond me); ooh also I actually didn't even know I was aro/ace until around 17 or 18, thought I was just 'late' to the whole allo thing or something

that's actually pretty funny because I avoid mangoes, convinced they're gross for some reason, but that's a pretty cool takeaway and I like that, plus random stranger who likes random blogs on the internet couldn't be more accurate lol

hmmm this would be a lot, will try to not ramble too much, my aesthetics usually depend on my mood, I like dark gothic things with lots of paranormal or witchy elements I suppose, I was obsessed with the Salem Witch Trials at a young age as well as its time period, I like time periods ranging from the 1600s to the 1940s the most I believe, this includes architecture from those periods or earlier, and in terms of fashion, (I don't have much fashion sense but) I love dresses in general and clothing from my favorite time periods, including but not limited to Edwardian Era clothing

[loptido]

Draw with me

Albedo x GN!Reader

summary : separated by a glass wall; tired of having to only communicate through writing and drawing, you make desperate attempts to break the barrier that keeps you apart. only for your efforts to end in vain.

warning : angst, the lost of body parts(a whole forearm), blood(not gore) and injuries, gifting said severed limb to their lover. a glass wall that somehow is- idk, magic. i just took the same wall from the animation.. Not entirely read over/checked

setting : different-au(unnamed)

notes : Do watch “Draw with me” by Mike Inel on YT. its so goddamn sad i cant stand it. sgaiwgwu so here this is. Albedo and Reader are around teenage years in this btw (hoohh boy, im scared to post this.. first tumblr post and its angst)

(movin this to my side blog, pokapepii)

// Your an idiot - Part 2

// — Genshin Masterlist

“Writing”

Tap, Tap

A muffled tapping on the glass wall catches your attention, as you walk towards the sound, a small boy — or teenager, he might be around your age — with short, ash-blond hair and bright teal eyes is standing on the other side. The side youve never seen, nor ever will see.

You see him mouth something, was he speaking? If so, did he always talk without his voice? You wonder. The boy seems to start to shout. You wave at him in confusion and start to indicate that you cant hear him.

Luckily he seems to get the memo and starts digging into the pockets of his white jacket. A gloved hand soon exiting a pocket, seemingly clutching a small object. Soon, he starts to write on the wall.

“Hi” Was all he wrote; it was short and simple. But it made you smile. “Can you write?” A small black chalk soon drops from above the wall, you froze but catching it either way.

“nac i esuorc fo” You hurriedly wipe that off with your sleeve, “Of course, duh”. Even if you couldn’t hear him, the sight of him chuckling at your mistake made you huff.

The boy starts to write once more, “What about drawing?” a small doodle of a flower accompanied his question. Choosing to not write, you nod starting to draw a bee for his flower. A giddy smile on your face. It was fun having someone to talk to, even if it was through drawings and writings. And once you’ve got the ball rolling, a small portion of the glass started to flood with endless drawings(his better than yours, you must admit) and short sentences of conversations.

“Albedo”

“?”

“My name, what’s yours?”

“Y/n :)”

You offer him a smile and he returns it.

The next day, it continues again. And again. And again, with your relationship growing and soon, a budding romance began to bloom between you and him. You having wrote down the three words, “i love you”, by accident when you were mindlessly scribbling down random words. To your luck, the feeling was reciprocated.

“Its cold here, yknow” You lazily write down, feeling down for no reason. A doodle of a frown soon drawn.“Then wear some warmer clothes, or bring a blanket.” Albedo wrote bluntly, the same emotionless look on his face. He sees you sigh and pick up the chalk, “I know, i know..” You trail off, literally, a slight line following your falling chalk. “I just, want to be with you” Albedo sees your cheeks tint a slight pink.

“But you are with me” He writes, hoping it would lift your spirits. If it did, he’d be able to see that smile on your face again, the smile he saw many times, the smile that made his heart flutter. “Dont attempt to cross that wall, Albedo.” His mother, and adoptive mother warned him many times. “It’s dangerous and will hurt any living thing”

He had always listened to their words and steered clear of the glass. But after meeting you, he began to stick to the barrier like glue.

Many times since meeting you the thought of crossing over and being in your side crossed his mind. And yet each time he brushed it off, it was too much if a risk. And Albedo was afraid.

Just being able to communicate with you, and hang out with you was enough for him. “There’s just a wall between us” Albedo smiled, “Thats just it, i dont want a wall. I want to be with you” You angrily said, the chalk in your hands nearly snapping from the tight grip. Before pausing, an idea had popped up. A possible solution.

Teal eyes widened in shock, “What are you doing?!” he hurriedly asked upon seeing your actions. You were standing and punching the glass with your dominant hand, not stopping once. In a panic Albedo rose to his feet and began shouting for you to stop, forgetting that you couldn’t hear him at all.

You were determined to break the wall, you were tired of it trapping and encasing you within a transparent prison for years. With a final few punches the glass shattered, and Albedo stepped back with a gasp while you smiled in victory. Your moment of triumph didn’t last long, for soon the shattered glass seemed to somehow turn back in time and went back to normal. Hurting your dominant hand in the process.

You fell back with a scream in pain, clutching your now bleeding arm. All the while Albedo watched in horror, he fell to his knees and began to write, quick. “Are you okay?” The answer was pretty obvious but he couldn’t help but ask. You didn’t reply. And he watched as you stood and ran out if his line of sight, leaving him alone and worried. Dazed.

He didn’t get to see you for the next week after the incident, he waited patiently by your usual meeting spot. Waiting patiently for you to return all patched up and okay.

And when he caught sight of your walking figure coming his way, he couldn’t help the smile that painted his lips. Though it quickly fell when he saw your tired face, your eyes were slightly red. Had you been crying? (He hopes not) Quickly he began to write, “Want to draw :)?” You shook your head no, eyes fixed on the ground and head hung low. You had barely looked at him the whole time. Albedo wouldn’t let that bring him down.

You shakily picked up your chalk, “I cant anymore..” your handwriting became shaky and Albedo had a hard time reading it. “Oh, okay”

Albedo smiled, his adoptive mother — Alice — once said smiles and positive feelings were contagious, in a good way. So he figured if he smiled, you would too. You didn’t.

One day you came to the wall and found a wrapped present waiting for you. Albedo sitting behind it from his side with a smile, he had a new cloak on. The box was on its side, he must have thrown it over. Above were words that read, “For you♡ - Albedo”

As you picked the gift up and looked at him in confusion. Albedo didn’t speak, instead he just smiled more.

Hesitantly you unwrapped the ribbon, a strange feeling in your stomach told you something was off. But you just brushed it aside. Albedo saw the box fall to the ground and his gift fall out. You standing still in shock, eyes widened. “What- are you crazy?!” You scribbled down, a good distance away from the fallen box.

Albedo shuffled over, “Draw with me”

Inside was a severed, pale and bloody forearm. Was that why he wore a cloak all of a sudden?

a/n : watch this become a two parter, or a three part story like the animation- (its good, go check it out.) ..good morning, its the next day and i wrote this last night. it’s probably bad

[bts-bay-bee]

see you in class, professor kim.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x fem!reader

Genre: smut

Word count: 1743

Request: married professor!namjoon and single college student!reader, please. smutty as possible.

Warnings: infidelity, professor!namjoon, slight dom!namjoon, college student!reader, let’s pretend miss rona doesnt exist in this, unprotected sex, slight impregnantion kink, creampie, spanking, slight degradation, sex over a desk, finger sucking,

a/n: honestly, you guys always ruin me with these prompts :( enjoy kim namjoon being a distraction in class while I prepare for a new semester! also, please, please, PLEASE do NOT sleep with your professor!!! this is just smut, and it should never be compared to irl. also, this is very random but let me know if youd be interested in a jungkook sm au :)

 “Professor Kim? Y/N from Calc101 is here to see you.” You hear the department secretary say clearly into the telephone, promptly nodding at you, allowing you to walk through the glass doors.

 Nervousness blossomed in the pit of your stomach, each step through the tiled corridor only amplifying it. You could not explain it; you knew that you were about to be severely admonished, yet you could not help but feel giddy; finally, Professor Kim saw you in the way you wanted to be noticed.

 Maybe it was the fact that he had finally noticed how you lingered after class, just to ask questions that he knew you knew the answer to. Maybe it was the fact that you had made the conscious decision to stop wearing panties during your Friday morning class, instead opting to go commando with your too-short skirts.

 “Come in and close the door.” He snapped as soon as he saw you in the doorway of his office. The irritation, and ill-disguised anger laced in his tone made you gulp. Maybe it was the fact that he had enough of your stupid antics… He was a married man, after all.

 Closing the door behind you, you quickly took the seat on the opposite side of the desk, eyes downcast. You dropped your backpack to your feet, belly consumed by nervousness. Bravely, in your opinion, glancing up at him for a brief second, you immediately looked down at the floor again, his gaze much too intense to meet.

 “Did I say you could sit down, Y/N?”

 “N-No, sir.” You mumbled, moving to stand up. He tutted, jerking his head to the side to indicate he wanted you next to his seat. As you were passing the door, he tilted his head, almost pondering something.

 “Lock the door.”

 A smirk threatened to claim your lips; he might be pissed off to no end right now, but he was still about to give you everything you had wanted. Walking over to his side of the desk, your eyes trailed over the pile of test papers he had placed on the mahogany tabletop, seeing your mark sheet on the top.

 “Do you know how I hand back test sheets, Y/N?” He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he placed his glasses on the table.

 “Highest grades first.” You mumbled; your confidence shrunk significantly now that he regarded you with bare eyes.

 “And whose paper is on top?” He asked whilst standing up and moving behind you to grab something from the shelf.

 “Mine.”

 “Hmm,” He hummed, pressing his body against your own, drawing a gasp out of you. “You’ve gotten the highest mark, little one. We both know you’re smart, yeah?”

 Nodding desperately, you started grinding your ass against his clothed cock, breathing harshly. His hands latched onto your waist, halting your movement. You could feel his wedding band pressing into you, but right now, you could not care less.

 “If we both know you’re smart,” He began, breathing out gently, hands pressing into your skin almost too harshly. “Why do you stay back to ask questions that even a seventh grader would know? Do you want my attention that badly?”

 “Yes, sir!” You desperately whined, feeling his head dip to your pulse point. Despite being in such close proximity, he did not place his lips on you, instead he just continued teasing you.

 “But you know I’m not single, right?” He asked, trailing his wedding ring over the exposed skin on your leg, the metal bringing a welcome coolness to your over sensitized skin. “You kept trying to seduce a married man?”

 “I knew.” You mumbled, trying to press your ass into his crotch now that his left hand roamed amongst the expanse of your bare thigh.

 “And you still kept flashing your dripping cunt during 8am classes?” He wondered out aloud, right hand travelling further up your body to palm your chest. “You still kept coming up to me with your perky tits? Nipples begging to be sucked?”

 Whining in response, you felt him press your upper body to his desk, immediately flipping over your skirt to reveal your ass and drooling pussy lips. His hand barely ghosted over your skin, skimming over the globes of you ass, fingertip ever so slightly collecting your arousal.

 “You want me that badly, Y/N?” he asked, his voice barely above a murmur, yet still strong, holding a domineering stance. Without waiting for a response, his hand slapped against your sensitive skin, his large palm leaving reddened skin in its wake. He continued bringing down his palm against you, his wedding band leaving darker patches, the metal biting into your skin in the most sinful way.

 Tiny groans left your drying lips, tongue darting out to wet them every minute or so. You could feel his other hand dig into your side, ensuring you did not move from where he wanted you, while he shifted his target to your slightly swollen pussy lips.

 “You hear how wet you are for me?” He asked, voice gruff and low. Dipping two fingers into your core, you knew that if you had a shred of dignity left, you should have been ashamed by the wet sound that rang in your ears. However, Professor Kim seemed to be getting off on this, adding another finger to amplify the squelching sound.

 “S-Sir, please!” You begged, feeling your core pulse at not being filled enough. “Please fuck me. I need your cock!”

 Ripping his fingers out of your cunt, he shoved them into your mouth, making you gag slightly.

 “Shut the fuck up before someone hears you!” He hissed; his mouth right next to your ear. Sucking on his fingers to desperately shut yourself up, you began grinding against him again, basically fucking yourself against his clothed crotch.

 You whined against his fingers, trying not to gag as he pressed his fingers deeper into your mouth.

 “God damn it, I want to fill your mouth so badly,” He murmured, slipping his fingers out from between your lips, your spit gleaming on his skin. You ignored his words, choosing to rub your naked core against his slacks. “Guess that’s going to have to wait, huh? My little slut wants her little cunt to be stuffed, hmm?”

 Nodding silently, body trembling in anticipation, you felt him moving away from your arched body. His free hand moved to his crotch, unbuttoning and unzipping his slacks just enough to let his angry red cock spring out, the tip dribbling the smallest bit of precum on your skin. He aligned himself at your entrance, groaning into your ear as your core squeezed his length. You bit your lip hard to prevent yourself from moaning and whining out in pleasure; the fluttering stretch of your core sending euphoric shockwaves throughout your entire being.

 After giving you the briefest moment to adjust, he began ploughing into you, his skin slapping against your own. His length rubbed against, what seemed like, every nerve ending in your cunt, your wetness only aiding in both of your pleasures.

 Realising that with the harshness of his thrusts, he was making it harder for you to keep quiet, and by extension not alerting anyone in the department offices, you reached behind you and grabbed his hand, plastering it over your mouth to keep your moans contained.

 “Fuck, what a good girl,” He moaned softly, speeding up his thrusts as he used his hand to pull you up, his ring biting into your skin. Professor Kim brought his right hand down to your clit, the rough pads of his fingers pressing down onto the delicate skin, making your knees weak with pleasure. You used your hands to support yourself on the desk, not trusting your legs to work properly whilst he continued to assault the bundle of nerves with unwavering pleasure.

 Tiny moans and sounds escaped your mouth, forced Professor Kim to shove his fingers into your mouth, making you suck on them to shut you up. Unknowingly, your tongue darted out to lick every inch of his skin but settled on the metal band that covered his skin.

 The knowledge of knowing he made the conscious decision to be intimate with you, whilst being someone else’s, made the pleasure multiply tenfold, taking you right on the brink of your high. He seemed to be on the same wavelength, your core fluttering around his cock enough to make his thighs tremble.

 “Are you close, Y/N?” He panted, thrusting into you harder as your cunt became even more difficult to leave. “Pretty, little whore ready to cum over my cock?”

 Nodding uselessly tears gathering in your eyes, your body convulsed around his cock, your entire form being taken over by your climax. Vaguely, you could hear him swearing, profanities still somehow sounding sexy coming from his lips.

 “Fuck, fuck, Y/N,” He groaned, “Going to cum in you, angel. My good girl takes my cum, right? Going to fill you up, Y/N!”

 “Please,” You whispered, feeling his cock throb as you fucked yourself on him. “Fill me up, sir, please.”

 Groaning, he released his hot, sticky seed into your pussy, filling you up. Thrusting into you gently, he squeezed every last drop of his cum into you. Slowly taking his cock out of you, he felt blood rush back to his length when his cum slowly dribbled out of your core; the white seed a stark contrast to your reddened skin.

 Smirking at his handy work, he flipped your skirt back down, scribbling his number onto your hand.

 “Go back home and send me a picture of your pussy stuffed with my cum, okay?” He instructed, almost playfully squeezing your neck. You tried to not let the smirk show on your face, your core clenched, trying to not let his cum spill out of you and onto your thighs.

 “Yes, sir.” You murmured, reaching down to grab your bag, making him groaned at your exposed, and now puffy, pussy lips. “See you in class, Professor Kim.”

[hitoshisbabygirl]

Author's Notes ♡: Hello hello! Welcome to my first JJK fic for our free for all Valentine’s Day collab! I had fun with this free idea , I always wanted to do an AU like this so it gave me a bases for future ideas! Enjoy~ bunny ❥

Warnings : None! Some heavy kissing and such but nothing too explicit , Yuuji and Sukuna are twins ♡

Word count : 3.8k

Paring(s) : Tattooist!Sukuna x F! Reader

Enjoy ♡

———————————————————————

Sukuna couldn't stand it, the girl his brother brought over to his shop plagued his mind. Wide eyed and just as happy as Yuuji it was infuriating how energetic the pair was in the tattoo shop. He was used to the sound of his brother asking for him but once he hear a second voice his hand twitches , eyes moving from the drawing in front of him as his appointment in front of him practically was begging fro his attention, occasionally trying spark up a conversation as he drew out a rose, planned for her collarbone “So, did all of you tattoos hurt?” The girl asked, pushing herself closer as he continued to stech, not paying her much mind. “No, I guess i've always had tough skin though.” He said as the girl hummed and giggled continuing her talking “I've been afraid of needles for as long as I could’ve remembered, but maybe this'll get me over my fear huh?” she questioned as all he did was hum, finishing the small design. “Maybe. Is this okay?” He asked her as she gasped, her giggling increasing to his dismay

“Omg i love it! You're a good worker with your hands” She said as he started to get ready, popping off his rings as he put on gloves, running up red and black inks for the rose to be. “Your right shoulder, right?” Sukuna asked as she confirmed, moving her shirt a bit too low to try to entice him. Pushing more of it back up, Sukuna placed and got the stencil ready, finally looking up to the girl “Tell me if there's anything wrong okay ?” He said as she gave him an almost hungry look “oh please i sure will” And with that he started the tattoo, the girl he was tattooing letting out small cries and gaps. Every one of the sounds made him stop, checking on her as the girl tried to act differently but he knew she was in pain. Once the girl stopped in a crying spell and was able to calm down from the help of the giant tattooist “s-sorry i didn't know my collar bone was so sensitive” she said as he said she was okay, starting to go back to her tattoo once everything was better with the girl. Once finished , she started to pay when she started to hit on him again “ I'm still sorry for that whole thing , how about I get you a drink for the troubles huh?” She threw at him as he gave her a small smile “I have more clients later, and i'd rather not drink, don't really like to unless its special'' Sukuna responded as the girl admired her new rose that covered a small portion of her chest and collarbone “ How about we go celebrate my new tattoo? And the fact you helped me through it huh?” She suggested. Before he could respond he heard the high pitched sounds of laughter. Looking up to his door he saw his annoying brother but with one of the most beautiful girls he ever saw. Once finishing the payment with his client and her sliding her number on a piece of paper his brother came up with his friend “Hey Su! I want you to meet my bestfriend [ ]!” his hyper twin brother Yuuji said as Sukuna looked at the girl in front of them. She looked to be their age , shorter than him with a few tattoos and dyed hair herself. “Nice to meet you young lady”

Sukuna said as he took her hand, giving it a kiss. [ ] giggled as Yuuji fake choked, his brother rolling his eyes at him “ What? Not my fault you've never brought her around me, she's a lady, gotta give her a proper introduction right?” Sukuna teased as Yuuji grumbled causing [ ] to laugh “Well nice to properly meet you Sukuna , ive heard so much about the woman lure bad boy whos the polar opposite of his sweet and innocent twin” She teased as he gave her his own smirk “ Yet i know nothing of the cute little girl standing in front of me” Sukuna lashed back as [ ] felt her face heat up, a laugh coming from her. His brother pouted he stood in front of his brother , giving him a knowing look. “I brought her here for a tattoo, idiot” He said as Sukuna gave him a raised eyebrow, looking at the girl beside him “Is that right doll? Came here for a tattoo?” He asked as she gave him a shy smile back “Well erm, i kinda wanted to start a sleeve with you if that's alright?” with widened eyes Sukuna and Yuuji were surprised together, the strawberry blondes both looking as the girl gave them a confused look back “What? Is that bad?” She asked as sukuna kicked in “Nah, i'm surprised that you'd choose me ,i'm not the usual girly tattoo sleeve maker” He said as she gave him a smile, “And i'm not your usual girly girl who just wants flowers and shit as my tattoo” She retorted back as he gave her an impressed smirk, ushering her to the back of his studio room “You can come too twerp” he said to his brother as yuuji ran to join them, headed to the back room.

This became a recurring theme as over the next few days and even weeks , Sukuna and [ ] met to talk about her new additions, adding and removing elements as they started to get a good picture of what they both thought looked the best together, some ideas being saved for other single tattoos. “So how do you like it so far sweetheart?” Sukuna asked as [ ] gave him an enthusiastic squeal, moving over the turned drawing desk as she fell forward to hug the tattooed covered man. Shocked by her random falling grasp he chuckled, catching her so she wouldn't hit her hip on the swerving table and half giving her a hug back as they laughed together. [ ] pulled back some as she started to notice more differences between the twins. Starting with Sukunas face ; it was more clear and sunkissed, small freckles adorned his cheeks from the sunshine. Unlike his twin, she noticed how more stocky and strong his body and face was compared to Yuuji. The twins were pretty much identical , except for how they acted, the fact that Sukuna had tattoos and the sometimes usual differences between twins, like style and other small discrepancies. Unlike the bright and colorful yet athletic look Yuuji had , Sukuna tended to be more of a dark artsy look, usually black clothes , ripped jeans , rings and chains. He tended to give off the usual bad boy vibes, someone who you wouldn't want your parents to meet.

But under his hard exterior he was very personable , just as sweet as his twin. As she was lost in her own thoughts , her hands pushing off his chest he snapped her back to reality, a finger going under her chin as he gave her a gentle smile , catching the girl in midthought of her tattooist “Aren't you something….what's on your mind [ ]” He rasped out as her eyes widened, realizing how close they were. From the standing mirror she could really see it ; one of her thighs was in between his spreaded ones, the other in his right arm. From her arms wrapped around his neck her face was close to his, the two of them slightly chest to chest. Her body felt hot as the male in front of her smirked, meeting her eyes in the mirror as he looked at the scene in front of him too. Eyeing her in the mirror he could imagine the work to be put atop her skin, and how pretty she'd be in his work, the thought gave him a sense of protectiveness and overall close bond with the girl he was around for more than he'd had before. Spending hours a day , almost everyday except his super packed days had gotten him a closer bond with her and even with his twin brother, the group of them and their other friends relaxing and enjoying time together. The little things that they all did together made him realize how much he enjoyed taking a break. And how much he'd fallen for his new client.

Coming from his own thoughts he pulled her right leg higher onto his lap, causing her to fall forward as she gasped, their faces impossibly closer. “Hm...youre pretty when youre flustered..” he said absentmindedly as he looked back to them in the mirror ,wrapping an arm around her waist as he gave her a sly smile, moving back into the chair he sat in “S-sukuna?” [ ] questioned as he hummed, sliding his eyes from the mirror to her questioning ones. Tracing the hand on his chest he rose a brow, a silent sign to continue. “I-I can get down. I'm sorry i was a little excited-” She continued as she started to move. With quick ease Sukuna kept her in place, rubbing the back of her thigh as he leaned in, pulling her closer by the backs of her thighs “I like you here. You don't have to move unless you're uncomfortable” He said as she ran a hand through his messy hair, sliding it to his cheek as he laid his head in it, kissing her palm. With the small caring action she squeaked , making the male chuckle “Am i...moving too fast” He said , his voice barely a whisper as he tightened his grasp on her waist, eyes searching hers.

“N-no i'm just...surprised?” She half questioned as he gave a knowing smile, shifting her weight to completely have her in his lap. With a high pitched squeal and giggles [ ] landed comfortably , her calves hanging off as her thighs tightened around his waist. “See, isn't this more comfortable?” He asked as she shyly hid in his neck, overwhelmed by his random acts of affection “Sukuna...are you trying to just make me embarrassed” She whined as he stroked her back, putting her face deeper in his neck “Mh..no not particularly..kinda just...thinking” He said as he pulled his phone out. Facing the mirror he took a silent picture, a smirk on his lips as he looked it over. her body was perfectly flushed with his , her arms around his neck as the tattoo down her side was more prominent in the picture. From the way it looked was just a couple taking a handsy photo but for Sukuna, it was a seal for how he felt. He wanted to take more pictures like this, but with them being together. Mirror selfies, clothes or even more explicit for his own gallery ; he loved the way they looked together. Noticing how quiet he was [ ] sat up looking at the male as he set his phone up facing the mirror before squishing her face “Everything okay?” She asked with a squished face as he laughed , releasing her cheeks “I love this..” He admitted as she gave him a wide eyed look , his warm ones looking away from hers

“I know..all of this could be seen as a very lewd way to admit my feelings but..honestly i'm used to just having women want me for free tattoos and well..yknow..my talents'' Sukuna said as he gave her a crooked smile, a laugh coming from [ ] as she understood what he meant, but the fact that he's admitting feelings for her made her heart flutter “S-so you like me?” She asked warily as he let out a light sigh, leaning up to put their faces close again “Hey [ ]...i know this is awkward and embarrassing...for me at least...but..may i kiss you?” He whispered over her lips as she silently shook her head, letting her eyes feel heavy as he got closer, rubbing their lips faintly together. As soon as she tighten her arms around his neck he pushed his record on his phone, sealing their lips together. As the two started to make out he tightened his hands around her waist, a low hum coming from his throat as he bit her bottom lip, sliding his tongue in. the more heated it got the more she whimpered, pulling her kiss plumped lips away from his. Groaning he chased her lips, crashing them against his as they started to kiss again. Letting her nimble fingers move up from his neck she tugged at his hair at the back of his nape, making the male growl as he rocked her closer to him, his larger arms wrapping over her waist.

Once again she whined and pulled away, putting her head against his “Sukuna...I..geez you-” trying to catch her breath he gave an airsh laugh. Ending his video. Catching him touch his phone [ ] reached for it “What did you do?” She asked as he held the phone above his head, watching them kiss again as he grinned “Oh nothing..just wanted my confession is all” He said as she gave him a look “[ ]..i really do like you...god i could say i'm almost in love…” “Almost?” She whispered as he kissed her lips again “More like i am but..i dunno how you feel about me” He said as she gave him a soft look, kissing his cheek “I love the time we've spent together, and well, if you'll have me i'll be yours” She responded. A wide smile on his face as he leaned back in to kiss her, the new couple giggling through the sessions as they finalized the rest, starting on the masterpiece they had crafted together.

Starting on her sleeve was one of the most enjoyable things she had done. Every few weeks to a month depending on the healing time she was adding her next piece. As she finished all of her linework it came to coloring her colorful bits. For the next few months again she finished it, all while spending time with her tattooist boyfriend and friends. As she was to the final stretch of heer coloring she knew valentines day was coming up more and more. Her and Sukuna had been dating for around a year now, just a few weeks shy of it. As she came to the shop she waved to the receptionist, giving him a smile “Hey Megs, how are you?” Megumi, the inky haired boy looked up from his journal and gave [ ] a rare smile, “Hey [ ]! I'm good ,how are you today? Sukunas is in the back if youre ready for him” He said as she gave him smile “That's good! I'm so excited my tattoo should be done just in time for valentines day! Speaking of, do you have an idea of your valentine this year?” She teased as he gave her a shy look “Ah...not particularly but maybe once it came i would” He said as she gave him a nod in understanding. Hearing his girlfriend talking Sukuna came out, a grin on his lips “Hey babe” He said as he gave her a kiss to her neck, causing Megumi to groan as she giggled “Cmon dont make him uncomfortable with your affection, lets go big boy” She joked as she took her strawberry blonde to his room “Ah okay babe let me see your arm” Sukuna started as she took of his jacket, revealing her sleeveless crop top and work of art on her left arm. Turning her arm some he looked over her lines and color deposits , making sure everything looked right. “Its coming along nicely [ ]..i just have this little pieces on your forearm and we'd be done with piece” He said happily as she gave him a soft smile “I love it...just as much as i love you” She said as he looked up from her arm , giving her a shy smile “I love you more [ ]”

Sukuna said as he leaned up, kissing her lips as he set up his inks and machine, snapping his gloves as he started to finish her last pieces. As the buzzing of the machine lulled her comfortingly she caught the determined and concentrated look on his face as he tattooed away “Where do you wanna go on valentine's day...hypothetically speaking” Sukuna asked randomly as she started to fill in lines. Blinking comically, she looked down at her boyfriend. “Anything youd come up with” She said as he hummed, finishing up the last color as he wiped it clean, starting to clean up the ink and smaller tears in her skin hidden by the fresh ink. “Princess...thank you for letting me be the one that did your art…” He said as he traced her hand , kissing her fingertips as he flashed her a smile. “I love you more Su..” [ ] whispered back as she leaned forward, kissing his forehead.

As the two sat there in his studio and talked [ ] drew up a heart with their names in it , giggling as she showed her boyfriend “Look babe!” She said as he stopped cleaning his desk, analyzing her work “I like it, a lot. You did a great job sizing wise, and i always loved your cursive” he said as he ran a finger over the art again “You said you wanted to get better at tattooing, right?” Sukuna asked as he still looked over the design “Yeah i did, what about it?” [ ] asked as he stretched , reaching over as he pulled out his darkest black ink and vibrant red. Soon he picked up two pairs of gloves and one of his various machines “Ill let you do this on me, and i can do it on you if youd like” He said as she gave him a happy screech, starting to make the transfers “Really Sukuna, youd let me do that?” She asked as he nodded, prepping an empty space on his arm “Ill help you, make sure its deep enough but i trust you, you did a good job with the smaller ones on yourself. Youre good sweetheart im here “ And thats what he says the whole time she tattoos him, her lines were straight but she felt like her red names were lacking. Tracing them again the darken, showing up beautifully as she focused, holding his skin apart as she smiled at her work, wiping the access ink and covering it in ointment like he did earlier “I did it!” She jumped happily as he gave a satisfied grin, looking at her energetic girlfriend. ‘I love her’ he thought to himself as he thought of what hed do for her in the coming weeks for the day filled of love

On valentines day [ ] was at home, talking to Nobara as she heard a knock on her door. Telling the girl she'd call back, [ ] started at the door and opened it, seeing a giant bouquet of flowers as she took them nicely from the delivery boy “Uhhh miss [ ] correct? The sender also wanted you to have this” The boy fumbled with a note, handing it to the girl as she thanked him , watching him leave as she let out a happy squeal, reading it.

‘Dollface, I hope you're ready for tonight, I have a lot in store for us tonight. How about you wear that cute little black dress you got last time we went to the mall hm? I'll be over at four-SKR”

Giggling at his note she looked at the time, noting it was 2:00, she went to the back, starting to get dressed as she was excited to see what her boyfriend had planned for them. She took the time to curl her hair, setting them as she worked on her makeup. After taking the time she saw it was around 3:45. She smiled as she got a text from him, saying he was on his way. As she happily ran around her apartment , trying to get rid of the jitters she had for the night planned with her boyfriend. Soon she heard a knock on the door. Skipping to the dor she opened it to her tall boyfriend leaning against the frame, looking down at his girlfriend “Hi darling” Sukuna said as she stood on her toes , giving him a peck against his lips as she giggled “Hi” She responded as he wrapped his arms around her waist , kissing the crook of her neck. “Missed you..” He whispered as she hummed, rocking with him as they stumbled into her living room, Sukuna shutting her door behind him as he picked her up. Laughing , [ ] held onto him, looking down to her well dressed partner. He was in a black vest, adorned with red decals and black pants. Despite him wearing nicer clothes it had the same grudge feel to it, ringed fingers and pierced ears filled with glistening metals very promedent in his attire. As she gave him a glance over from being held in his arms he rose a brow and placed her down, giving her an uncharacteristic shy look “Do i look alright?....tried something new since ill be taking you out” He asked as she kissed his cheek, giving him a content smile “I love it. You still have that edge I fell in love with laced through and through” [ ] said as Sukuna felt his heart jump, a warmth creeping up his neck and face as he kissed her face, taking her hand “Well then...i'm very thankful with a woman like you in my life...thank you [ ]..you ready to go?” Sukuna softly asked as he outstretched a hand to her, making [ ] playfully laugh. Taking her ringed at tattooed lovers hand the duo set off, starting their first Valentines Day together.

Once night rolled around most had been finished [ ] and Sukuna found themselves on a hilltop, overlooking a city as they ate a snack basket that Sukuna prepared. Not only was he a tattooist but he could cook, and cook very well. “If I didn't have the urge to tattoo every square inch of my body with art maybe i'd be a cook” He laughed as she constantly complimented his cooking, laying her head on his shoulders. “This is wonderful Sukuna..ive really enjoyed today” [ ] said as he gave her a look before peering back at the city “I know how much you hated today so...I wanted to do something for you to love it” Sukuna said as she moved up, looking in his warm eyes as he reached out of his pocket, his phone showing their first accidental mirror picture they took together evident as his lockscreen. As he pulled the next thing to it, a shiny ring filed with her birthstone “This is for you, a promise to you” Tilting her head she took the beautiful ring and placed it on her finger, watching it glisten in the moonlight “A promise for what?” she asked “Ill never leave you, and one day...maybe...we could make that promise permanent” He said as he took her hand in his , pulling her in his lap as he sealed that promise with a kiss.

[harrytpotter]

A Dangerous Bet — Chapter One.

Plot: A big change can make a person do crazy things. Take on dangerous bets. And that’s exactly what Y/N and Sirius Black did. Can a random and thoughtless occasion completely change two people’s lives?

Pairing: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader.

Warnings: Sexual content.

A/N: And here is my newest series, this time starring Hogwart’s ultimate heartbreaker Sirius Black! My original plan was to make the Reader house-neutral but for the sake of the story, I decided it would be better if she too belonged to Gryffindor. Hope you guys like it! :) ps: it’s unrevised because I’m lazy sooo I’m sorry for the probable grammar mistakes.

It’s always an unsettling feeling to go through a massive change. When something you thought would last forever just ends suddenly. When you realize it was all just a big lie. You feel like a complete fraud. Frustrated. Cheated on by the universe. And that was exactly how you were feeling. Like a big fat deception.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius’ voice popped into your ear, his mouth clung to it so you could hear him through the loud music that echoed in the common room. You realized you had been staring at the void, lost in your thoughts.

“Honestly? I don’t know. But if I had to choose a word to define it, I’d go with relief,” you screamed into his ear, a dose of firewhisky in your hand.

“That’s actually the last one that I’d ever think of,” he laughs. “Why is that?”

You started answering him, but Sirius shook his head and pointed negatively to his ear, letting you know that he couldn’t hear a thing. Pulling you by the hand, Sirius led you out of the party that was happening at full-force inside the Gryffindor tower. Once the two of you reached the hallway, he leaned against the wall and waited for you to answer his previous question.

“I don’t know, I just... think we’ve been together for this long because we were used to each other, it was...”

“Commonplace?” He completed the sentence for you. “I always thought you deserved better anyway.”

“Says the guy who’s with a different girl every week,” you joked, rolling your eyes at him.

“Ouch!” He laughed and scrunched in mock offense. “I know I’m one to talk, but you’re one of my best friends, L/N. I know you. He was just...”

“Too plain for me,” you roll your eyes at him, laughing. “I know, you’ve been saying that to me ever since he and I went on our first date.”

“Excuse me! Because he was!” He laughed even harder than before.

“I’ll never give you the satisfaction to say you’re right if that’s what you’re expecting, Black!” You retorted, lifting a brow at him.

“You don’t need to say it, love, knowing you know that is enough for me,” he winked at you.

“Come on, let’s head back,” you smirked with a roll of your eyes, pulling him by his hand back to the party.

Sirius never left your side at the party, making sure you were having the best time. You were both completely drunk and lost inside your own little word, which made the fact that your ex-boyfriend Bentley Styles was snogging Clark Summers go unnoticed by the two of you.

“SIRIUS!” You shouted suddenly amidst the loud music, feeling the alcohol cursing through your veins.

“YES?” He shouted back, smiling as he put away a strand of your hair that was stuck into your sticky forehead.

“I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY! SOMETHING STUPID!”

“LIKE WHAT?”

“I DON’T KNOW! YOU ARE THE MASTER OF MISCHIEF HERE, BLACK. SURPRISE ME!”

Sirius smiled wide at you for a second before taking his right hand to the back of your head and pull you into his direction, a mischievous spark flickering in his eyes. He brushed his lips against yours teasingly, a grin playing on his features, before nibbling your lower lip. He then stared into your eyes with a burning intensity.

“Is that the best you got Black?” You asked teasingly and you could see his eyes darkening a little.

“Y/N L/N...” he adverted you.

“Sirius Black...” you retorted in a challenging tone, enough to drive him over the edge.

Next thing you knew, your tongues meet and briefly tussle with each other, quickly escalating into an epic battle for dominance. Your lips remained locked as your tongues danced tirelessly, until you finally gave in and let him had it. And he did. It was a kiss like no other, something you’ve never experienced before. It was like both of you were kissing with all of your senses, electricity flowing through every inch of the two of you. You tangled your fingers in his hair whilst he grabbed your waist with a tightened grip, both feeling the need of something to hold on to, both wanting more of each other even though you couldn’t get much physically closer than that. After what felt like hours you eventually pulled away, both out of breath and holding a look of pure longing. You couldn’t hear the music or any other noise for that matter. It was like the outside world had just disappeared and the two of you were the only ones in the room.

“Well, guess I can say I understand the appeal now,” you smirked weakly at him, the longing crystal clear in your face. “Unfortunately, this was not stupid or crazy enough for me.”

Sirius took one of his hands to your cheek, his mind clouded and fuzzy from what just happened and his heart aching with a burning longing. “Y/N, we’re drunk...” he said in a husky low voice, sending shivers down your spine.

“I know. But I’d still be doing this even if I was sober. Wouldn’t you?” You asked with a whisper.

Sirius stared at your lips and started brushing his thumb across them. You closed your eyes, enjoying the sensation. “Yes. I would,” he finally said.

“Good. Come with me,” you said, taking his hand in yours and leading him out of the tower.

As the two of you exited the portrait hole into the seventh floor, you dragged Sirius to the left corridor. Walking past through it three times with a very specific scene in mind, a door suddenly materialized itself on the wall, right in front of a tapestry depicting the attempt of Barnabas the Barmy to teach trolls ballet. Sirius smirked at you as you pushed the door open and pulled him inside, a mattress laid on the floor in the middle of the room. Pillows and cushions were scattered all around it on top of white pieces of fabric that covered the floor. Some pieces of fabric also hung from the ceiling. The walls were enlightened like a projection screen, showing landscapes like an old movie. Closing the door behind him, Sirius decided he couldn’t take it anymore and advanced towards you, grabbing and kissing you hungrily. You quickly entangled your fingers in his hair for the second time in the night as you felt his mouth sliding through your jaw on its way to your ear. Sirius nibbled your earlobe before trailing kisses and nibbles down your neck. You tilted your head a little, pressing him against your body.

“I want you so bad, Sirius,” you mumbled. You could feel his skin crawl at your words.

“Not more than I want you,” he whispered into your ear before kissing you one more time.

Sirius led you in the direction of the mattress and as soon as you approached it, you undressed each other hurriedly, barely containing the desire that was spreading through you like wildfire. Getting on the mattress, your bodies began to swing together in a rhythmic pace, hands sliding through each other’s bodies as sounds of pleasure started to fill the room. Both you and Sirius felt ecstatic, completely wrapped in this sensual, spicy, magical moment where your bodies fitted perfectly together, as if one was the exact match of the other. It was fast, rough and hungry, yet gentle. You went on this high for as long as you could draw the moment, falling exhausted next to each other after you both cried out each other’s names as you came almost together. Sirius slid his arm underneath you and wrapped it on your shoulders, pulling you close to him. You rested your head on his chest, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours? Regretting your crazy, stupid decision already?” He asked with a laugh whilst drawing circles on your belly with his index finger.

“Although it was most definitely the stupidest and most reckless decision I’ve ever made, I don’t regret any bit of it,” you laughed, turning your head so you could look at him.

Sirius smiled and shifted his position so he was facing you. He took his free hand to your chin and gently pulled your head to him so he could kiss you. “So what are you thinking about?” He pressed his forehead against yours and brushed his nose on your own.

“That you’re surprisingly sweet after sex!” You exclaimed with a mockingly frown, earning a hearty laugh from him. “I was thinking that one time wasn’t enough, actually...” you added with a lustful look. Sirius got the message and smirked playfully at you before starting it all over again.

——————————————————————

“Morning, beautiful,” Sirius said as you opened your eyes, giving several pecks on your lips, causing you both to smile amidst them.

“You know, you never stroke me as the kind of guy who slept in and awaked the girl with sweet kisses in the morning,” you teased.

“That’s because I’m not, but since you’re my best friend I figured you deserved a little effort,” he shrugged playfully.

You opened your mouth in defeat at his remark before bursting into a laughter and threw a pillow to his face, getting up and starting to dress yourself.

“So, what are we doing now?” He asked, getting up.

“You i don’t know, I, however, am going to take a nice and long bath.”

“Want some company?” He winged his eyebrows at you, grabbing you by the waist.

You rolled your eyes with a smirk, playfully pushing him away. “Will you put some clothes on for Merlin’s sake?”

“Why? It’s not like you haven’t seen it before,” he winked at you.

“Aren’t you so full of yourself, Black?!” You rolled your eyes at him once again.

He laughed whilst throwing his underwear and pants on. He suddenly stopped with his shirt in hands, studying it with a fabricated interest. “I think we should talk,” he said, looking into your eyes. As you stared at him with a brow lifted, he added, “about what happened between us.”

“Sirius...” you sighed. “We’re cool. I know you don’t do feelings, besides I just got out myself of a long-term relationship, it’s not like I’m looking for anything serious right now.”

“And here was I thinking you were looking for all things Sirius right now,” he joked, his and your laughter echoing in the room.

“You really are something else, aren’t you?” You smiled at him. Sirius smiled back at you and the two of you stared at each other for a while.

“So, setting the record straight here, this,” he pointed back and forth at you and him, “was a one-time thing right?”

“Well... yeah,” you shrugged.

“Works for me, L/N,” he smirked at you.

“Goodbye, Black,” you smiled at him, taking a while longer before heading off.

——————————————————————

As the hot water streamed down your body, you closed your eyes, reliving all of the memories from the previous night. A smirked appeared on your face as you reminded of Sirius’ hands trailing your body. It was hands down the best night you’ve ever spent with a guy and you knew it had set the stakes high. But it would never happen again, it couldn’t. Sirius was your best friend and you knew him way too well to know that he’d move on to his next prey and never look back. Even with feelings off the table, he was not the kind of guy that engaged on something casual. He was a one-night stand kind of guy. Which was too bad because you could use the distraction yourself. Getting off the bath, you threw your uniform on and got ready for the day with an unusual disposition.

Glancing at your watch, you stormed off your dorm and the Gryffindor tower, fastening your pace in order to be able to have breakfast before your classes.

As you entered the Great Hall, you spotted all of your friends already sat on the table, including Sirius. Suppressing a smile, you went to take your seat between Lily and Alice.

“Finally! Where the hell were you?” Marlene asked as soon as you entered her field of vision.

“Yes, L/N! Where were you? It’s not like you to be late for breakfast,” Sirius shot a mischievous glance at you. You could sense his smirk from behind his mug.

Before you could say anything, James jumped in and said with a brow lifted: “you’re awfully cheerful for a Monday morning, Pad, which is not like you at all.”

“I had a good night of sleep, Prongs. That’s all,” he shrugged to his friend and sent a discreet wink on your way, cautiously so none of your friends could see it.

“You’re lucky, I barely got any sleep and my head hurts like hell,” Alice said, massaging her temples with her fingers. “Please never let me drink firewhisky again.”

“You always say that and end up drinking it anyway,” Peter noted, nodding vaguely.

“Wormy is right, Alice. Besides, it’s not like any of us could’ve helped you out, the whole night is pretty much just a blur to all of us,” James said proudly at the outcome of the party he had planned.

You smiled at your friends, gratitude filling you as you stared at each one of these weirdos. They were your family away from home. Amidst the vibrant discussion about the previous night, Remus reached for your hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“Are you okay? I mean, with all that kissing and everything,” he asked, looking sympathetically into your eyes, searching for any traces of hurt. He had seen Bentley and Clark kissing at the party and assumed you had as well.

You chocked on your cuppa as you tried to look innocent and avoided Sirius’ eyes at all costs. “Kissing? What kissing?” You managed to say after pulling yourself together.

Your little group of friends fell dead silent, eyes wandering from you to Remus.

“Oh,” he opened his mouth in realization. “You haven’t seen it, have you?”

“Seen what exactly, Rem?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Bentley and Clark. They looked... pretty cozy at the party,” he shrugged as if he was apologizing.

You just shrugged, unsure of what to say. You could feel Sirius’ intense stare burning holes into your skin, but you didn’t dare to look at him.

“Well, we should probably get going if we want to make it on time, Minnie doesn’t look to be in a good mood today,” James said, breaking the awkward silence.

Slowly, you and your friends got up and headed out of the Great Hall. Sirius, James and Remus walked together, joking and laughing. Alice and Marlene were on their trail, engaged in a conversation with Peter. You and Lily walked a little slower, detached from the big group. The redhead was unusually quiet.

“I know why you choked on your tea earlier,” she said, bluntly and suddenly.

“Excuse me?” You tried to play dumb.

“I saw it. You and Sirius kissing at the party,” she said, stopping in front of you with a concerned look on her face.

You bit your lower lip, once again unsure of what to say. After a while, you shrug.

“Y/N... Do I need to remind you that you used to have a crush on him before you started dating Ben?” She asked, a mother-look taking over her features.

“Lils, it was a very long time ago! We were kids back then! Besides, it’s not like I’m expecting something from him or anything. It was simply a one-night stand,” you said, crossing your arms on your chest defensively.

“For your sake, I really hope it was. It’s a dangerous bet for you to take. Don’t get me wrong, he is one my closest friends, but he is...” she started, pausing suddenly.

“Sirius...” you finished her sentence with a heavy sigh. “Don’t worry, Evans, he might be my best friend but I’m not stupid to ever think he’ll commit to anyone. I was just having fun,” you reassured her, linking your arm in hers and leading her to class.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Shadow Moth forshadowing detail + S4 Theory

I kinda just noticed something about Gabriels design concerning his Miraculous and I'm a bit mind blown right now tbh

I always thought it was odd that the character designers chose to hide the quite small butterfly brooch under a much bigger tie

Of course, as one can see in the transformation sequence, that "problem" gets solved when Nooroo activates the Miraculous. In the active Form the butterfly miraculous would indeed require a bigger hiding place such as a tie but the thing is, when the miraculous IS activated Gabriel doesn't wear the tie. So that "solution" is invalidated.

Its nothing that ever really bothered me much, I just found it ODD because they could have chosen anything for his casual wear but they stuck with something unnecessary big concidering the size of the object they want to hide with it.

But THEN I just remembered Shadow Moth from the upcoming s4 and... dude, the tie covering so much more space underneath than needed for the Butterfly miraculous was totally not a random decision.

The placements of the butterfly and peacock miraculous' actually line up perfectly with the size of the tie.

As I said the butterfly miraculous increases its size quite alot, it would probably cover almost half of the hidden area. But half also indicates that there is still space left and that remaining space is just right for the peacock miraculous

Looking at Natalies design both as her civilian self and as Mayura one can clearly see that the peacock is placed on a lower point as the butterfly.

And I just noticed how brilliantly they included the turtlenecks and "around areas" into her designs. Mayura doesn't need the same "upper space" as Hawkmoth does so she has all of that neck fluff. Whereas with Natalies normal clothing the red shirt area now looks actually "well used" and complete, where formerly it looked quite empty. Not too much to be off putting but seeing the peacock there on her civilian design feels like the missing piece of her design finally was added

But let me come back to this in a second, there is something else I wanna finish up first.

Thinking about the fact that the butterfly miraculous get alot bigger I noticed that it certainly is no coincidence either that Mayuras Miraculous stays the same size

As I showed right at the beginning the activated butterfly would take up so much space that, with taking Gabriels clothing layout into account, the peacock miraculous (as the second one added to his character) wouldn't be allowed to change in size because it wouldn't look visually appealing anymore. So both Natalies and Gabriels civilian designs were modelled from the get - go in a way that the peacock can stay the same size.

But all of this still leaves open some big implications. The way I am showcasing it implies that:

1. Gabriel is going to wear the peacock often and for long enough to justify setting up his character model with it in mind. I was always certain that Shadow Moth is not a combination we will only get to see 1 or 2 times but when I now realize that him wearing the peacock as well is apperently such a crucial aspect of his character arc that they set it up on this scale, I do have to wonder what's the plan here and how it'll correspond to

2. Unlike Gabriels civilian design, Natalies "completed" one including the peacock miraculous straight up implies that she won't be hiding it AT ALL. That's actually the most interesting aspect about this when I think about it. Sure the other miraculous from our heros aren't hidden either but one would think that Natalie would know better than to just wear a peacock pin out in broad daylight at the same spot Mayura does. Especially considering that Gabriel IS going to hide both Miraculous. There needs to be a reason why for it's okay for Natalie when it's so obviously not for Gabriel.

And I might actually have an answer for this

Ever since the Fandom very early caught onto the hints that Emilie was the former peacock miraculous holder a very specific thought came up and kinda stayed with some fans (me included) and I think we actually weren't off with that assumption at all.

The thought im talking about is of course the idea that in "the collector" Adrien didn't reacted to the peacock miraculous because for him it is simply a very dear and special jewelry of his mother. So seeing that his father is keeping it in his safe is not something that should come with much of a surprise. Hence why he didn't.

"But what does this have to do with Natalie?", you might ask and I say it actually could be quite simple at this point.

The show is making no secret out of Gabriel starting to fall in love with Natalie as well. The new york special even had him placing a PINK rose onto Emilies coffin instead of a red one, which as we know from "Weredad" symbolizes a platonic love.

Gabenath is happening (how it'll end is another question tho). With all of the set up and development to this point I actually DO would say that Gabriel will start moving on with Natalie (but will of course stay Hawkmoth and terrorize Paris because his quest has become less and less for his family and more for his own selfish and sadistic ego) which makes her suddenly wearing a peacock pin actually not suspicious at all.

In the eyes of the public and especially ADRIEN it would simply mean that Gabriel has fallen in love again and that Natalie has now reached the level of belonging in the Agreste family that she is now wearing the very special jewelry of Emilie. Bonus points if Adrien gives his blessing for her wearing it as well and ends up being the factor why she wears it from then on all the time because if we are gonna rip his heart out with the reveals, let's at least do it properly

But that still doesn't explain the paradoxical set up of Natalie wearing the miraculous permanently openly and Gabriels model being designed to wear the peacock much more often than we initially thought.

Well this is where I will go once again even deeper into theory land, if your interested in that, read further under the cut:

A possibility here is that Gabriel Miraculous jewelry collection comes into play.

It's an aspect of the show that has hardly been used til now and it would provide a solid solution for the problem. The piece of jewelry Natalie wears draws no suspicion to itself if it's seen at the same time Hawkmoth wears both the butterfly and the peacock.

I definitely don't think Natalie will wear it right from the beginning of the season, it'll most likely come through development and a special dedicated episode. My guess is on the forshadowed Sabine as "Verity Queen" and it'll be a mother's day episode.

Marinette has so much to do because of her duties as Ladybug and guardian that she can't spend the day with her mother because she has to leave constantly, leading Sabine to just want to know what her daughter is doing so important that mothers day isn't important anymore. Cue akumatization. In the same episode I see Adrien (after the Marinette& Sabine reunion scene) really welcoming Natalie as his new mother right up front to her and maybe even taking the peacock pin (his mothers "dear jewelry") out of Gabriels safe to give it to her as a symbol that she's for him his new mother figure.

Prior he would have seen Gabriel with the pin in his hand and thinking which Adrien interprets as "Father is thinking about moving on with Natalie" but as the peacock pin is not just that (and Gabriel refuses (but actually does want to) to move on properly) that interpretation is not quite all of the truth. So Adrien is the one to (ironically) give Natalie the miraculous permanently because even if his father still refuses to move on and take the opportunity to be happy again, that won't stop Adrien from having a new mother. You can have a new mother (figure) without your other parent making the official move first.

This is so sweet and heartbreaking and HORRIBLE at the same time, it’s totally something Miraculous would do! The show never hold back really using the double identities for stark contrast or set up for a brutal pay off (especially with the Agrestes which can only result in a disaster at this point).

Of course this is just one idea, not saying it'll 100% happen like this, it's just a possibility I really really like (Also for Sabine).

"Varity Queen" imo being near the middle of the season Gabriel and Natalie would afterwards definitely need the fake peacock miraculous from Gabriels jewelry line (A fake Peacock IS something said in a tweet a while ago I just can't find it anymore) as a cover up because Natalie will have to/WANT to wear the pin Adrien gave her from then on permanently. So while Gabriel brings chaos as Shadow Moth Natalie wears the fake Miraculous as civilian.

Or... You know...

Since Natalie was the one parent in the forshadow episode "Chat Blanc" who was shown to be genuinely upset and shocked that Adrien turned out to be Chat Noir (whereas Gabriel skyrocketed his cunt level to a new level) and then wasn't to be seen anymore later with Hawkmoth in the fight, maybe after finding out about Adriens identity which is forshadowed like crazy Gabriel thinks he's gonna have to take some... precautions concerning Natalie loyalty since Adrien and her are forming a strong mother/ son bond (while Gabriel himself becomes a more and more horrible father. And Him being the “loving family father who would do anything for his family” is what Natalie loves him for) and he fears Natalie will choose Adrien over him. So a fake Miraculous will definitely come in handy while he can properly hide the real one under his tie (which of course doesn't mean he'll be the one to keep the real Miraculous in the end)

It's a possibility. Something like this is VERY likely to happen in my opinien because I personally can't see how this family tragedy is supposed to end up as anything else than in flames after the reveals (including Adriens and Natalies bond) so this is the way I see their future.

[thevoilinauttheory]

survivin’

[ FFxivWrite 2021 Prompt 8: Adroit ]

The Five Part “In the Dreams of Ashley” series is done! Go read the others here! {Prelude} {In the Dreams of Ashley: The Wind} {In the Dreams of Ashley: The Fire} {In the Dreams of Ashley: The Water} {In the Dreams of Ashley: The Earth}

[ HEAVY HEAVY CONTENT WARNINGS: implied child abuse/assault, detailed suffocation, detailed burial while alive, heavy grief and regret surrounding death ]

[ video has lots of moving colors ]

Dreaming about being buried alive is very frightening and is a warning that all of the things in your life that are causing you anxiety and despair should be thrown away. You have let things build up to a point that you are no longer able to control anything and now you risk being completely destroyed.

==

Ashley was forced into a uniform with little knowledge as to why, having just woken up with a raging headache and handcuffs on. Confused was an understatement. “Y’good?” There was a soft voice that addressed him, a soft voice that belonged to a large man. His hand set on his shoulder, some level of comfort and grounding while he gathered his bearings. “Wh-What’s goin’ on?” “Y’don’t know?” “Pretty sure the knot on th’back o’ my head answers that.” The man let out a laugh, then nodded. “Guess so. Yer bein’ conscripted.” “Conscripted? How in the hells!” Ashley pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh… he should have been more upset about this, but honestly, it felt like the worst kind of inconvenience. Still, he didn’t fight it, worked with the flow of everything as he usually did. “Guess I’m stuck here.” “We all’re, friend.” “What’s your name, friend?” He snorted. “Hunter. Ya’?” “Ashley.” “Nice t’meet ya’ Ashley, too bad it ain’t on better terms.” He nodded in response.

-

“Yer gonna get caught.” Ashley chuckled. “I never get caught. That’s the thing ‘bout growin’ up in Ul’dah.” “Mm.” “Hand me your rations.” “Are y’kiddin’? I ain’t givin’ y’anythin’!” “Sure? Thought y’wanted to get out o’ here, same as me. N’if y’do, you’re gonna have t’give ‘em to me.” “Why?” “Uh… food to last us until we get home?” “N’how ‘bout the energy they’re makin’ us use t’fight?” Ashley snatched Hunter’s rations from him, stuffing them into a tight and inconspicuous corner with the rest of all of the little items he managed to get away with - some string, blades, pins, badges; even things like hair-ties and pens. Anything he could get away with shoving in his pocket, he did so. He bumped his elbow back into Hunter and lowered his voice. “Get somewhere else, someone’s ‘bout to come in.” “Eh? How’d’y’know?” “I’ll tell you later, jus’ get or we’re gonna get caught.” Hunter backed off, going back to his own belongings to check them off; leaving Ashley to slide a sizeable block of concrete in front of the hole in the wall, covering it completely. “Tucker!” “Yes, sir!” “What are you doing on the floor, get your arse up now.” “Sorry, sir! I dropped my badge.” He stood up, adjusting the collar of his uniform with a small pin on it.

-

“How are we going to get past them? Did you even think that far through?” The Auri woman that had joined along prodded at him while he was thinking. “Will you shut it?”

Four of them clamored and cramped in the vents, waiting for a good time to drop out of them. They were dressed in different uniforms, to match those of the area they were about to infiltrate. When an opening arose, he dropped out of the vent, brushed off his clothes, then pretended to idly look at the schedule board that was on the wall. Well, he was looking at it, but also waiting for another good time to signal another body. He tapped his chin, stretched his arms above his head as the last person in the hall walked past him - he held up a signed “C”, and waved his hand. That let the other two know to let Colette drop down first, she did just the same - brushing out her uniform before striking up an uninteresting conversation about the schedule.

They waited for the hallway to clear again. She held her thumb and forefinger together and waved, signaling Ruta to come down next. As the next crowd came through, she pretended to be scolding them. It cleared, Ashley waved, and down came Hunter. Hunter always came last - he wasn’t the best actor or liar, so they made sure that he could be ready to move immediately. They walked down the hall, past many unsuspecting soldiers and medics, until they were able to escape the facility they were locked up in. “Oh, thank gods.” Hunter let out a sigh of relief at the fresh air, no matter how cold it was. “Sh. We ain’t there yet. There’s still the entire damned city. Make sure your bags are on tight, n’if not, fasten them. I mean it. Y’gotta be ready to book it once we get through.” “What are we going to do after?” The question was, thankfully, vague enough to not alarm anyone they were passing by; but Colette anxiously gripped the shoulder belt to her bag. “Hoof it.” “On land? All the way back?” Ruta folded her arms over her chest. “I’ve worked it out already, trust me.”

-

“How in the hells did you manage that!” Ruta laughed as she ran across the snow, outside the metal confines of Garlemald. “It’s cold, but kami, it’s free!” “I came prepared.” “Is that why your bag is larger than ours.” “Yeah. Managed to snatch a few uniforms and some blankets. We’ve got a long way to walk - most of it’s dead here. No life whatsoever, just snow. Ruta, yer on the way back first.” “Wait… is that why we’re walking?” “Aye. Othard connects here - stowing away on a ship or airship would skip over you entirely. So prepare t’get intimate with one another, ‘cause we’re gonna need a lot of body heat.” Ruta stopped and blinked at him. “...Thank you.” “You can thank me when y’get home. After Ruta, we’re going to stowaway on a merchant vessel - it’ll look more Garlean than Hingan, but it’s goin’ to get hijacked by pirates from Limsa. Which is how we get Hunter home. After that, Colette n’I’re gonna hitch a ship back t’Vesper Bay, and I’ll walk her back home.” They all seemed… shocked. Appalled, even. That this stranger would go out of his way to know so much about the way back, and that he’d help them even. “Where’re y’goin’ after that?” Hunter pat Ruta’s shoulder to get her moving again. “Mm. Back home, maybe. I dunno. Maybe I can get a job like this.” He laughed.

==

“Mister?” “Mm?” Ashley looked up from his book, pipe hanging loosely from his mouth as his eyes caught a young girl standing next to him. Her face was red from crying, and looking over her clothes brought back memories and images he wished he didn’t have.

“...Need help?” His voice lowered, to not draw attention. She nodded, and he stood up from his seat to pull off his jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders - it was obviously too large, but that was the point. He pulled a hair-tie from his pocket to tie back her hair, so that its general style was different at a glance. He lifted her up to sit in the chair, having her hold the book up as if she were reading it. He placed his arm on the back of the chair, talking random nonsense about words in the book to the girl as his eyes caught a glimpse of several people walking in, looking around for something or someone. When he noticed the girl’s grip on the book tightened, he figured those were the people she was hiding from. He placed his hand on one of hers, holding the book up as well - and he kept his voice just as low.

“Relax… don’t show any tension. If they see white knuckles, they’ll get suspicious.” She did just that, nodding slowly. “Okay… uhm.” She was afraid her voice would be recognizable if she spoke, so she kept it low. “What’s this word mean?” “Eh?” He looked back at the book, noting she was just pointing at the word “the”, to which he smiled - she was trying to play along with him. “That word? Oh! That’s a name, sweetheart. I know, all them Elezen got such fancy names, y’could swear y’saw ‘em in a dictionary.” They kept on like that until he saw all of those same people leave. “There y’go. All gone. Need someplace safe t’stay?” “Mm..” She didn’t trust like that, and he noticed. He laughed, waving one of his hands. “Not with me. I have a friend who takes care of children goin’ through what you are. I can make sure y’get there with no problem. Unless you’ve got a place? I can take you wherever you need most.” She smiled a little bit, nodding. “Someplace safe… sounds nice.” “Good! Now up y’get. I’ll look inta these people that hurt you, okay?”

==

He stared down at those graves, the ones he made; carved up of nothing but rocks and dirt, with desert blooms laid in place. All the thoughts welled up there - what he could have done, what could have gone better. Memories of all the times they had, wondering why he never said more. A lot of things were left unsaid - Ruta never got to propose to Colette, they never got to choose the colors of their wedding, or what flowers, what food and drinks; they never got to dance, and the last sight of each other wasn’t even a damned smile!

He cursed himself silently.

Hunter never got to go on about his newest niece, never got to tell the unheard stories of his family, never got to see the world as much as he dreamed, never got into a bar fight with a pirate; that the last he’d see of him was a damned smile! He never got to tell him-- He never got to tell them…

Ashley stared at the graves and knew…. this wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

He sat down in the dirt in front of them, offering some vague notion of a smile. “Y’won’t believe me. I know it. But… helped someone out today. Didn’t turn ‘em down. Didn’t make any snarky comments or nothin’. ‘Member that time out in the eastside of La Nocsea? It was like that, unfortunately. But, despite their faults n’corrupt nature, got the Blades t’clear ‘em all out after trackin’ ‘em to wherever they were hidin’.”

He let out a soft sigh. “...I miss y’all. So much. Y’meant so much to me. I was jus’ s’posed to take y’all home��� n’y’stayed with me. You were my family… everythin’ I had. N’I… n’I jus’...” He shook his head. “I wish I could’ve done more. I… I… I love y’all, with all I could. Each n’every one o’ya’. I… never got t’tell you that. I hope… wherever y’are now… you know that. I’ll keep livin’ on, keep y’strong. Yer memories aren’t wasted, aren’t gone. Not yet. I’ll be damned if your story don’t get heard, though.”

He closed his eyes for just a moment

He snapped awake, not upright; he laid flat and stared at the pitch darkness in front of him. The bed below him was hard - it felt more like a floor. Wasn’t he in the dirt before? He could’ve sworn he was outside but a few seconds ago. It must’ve been a bad trip, lost all sense of time and ended up wherever he was now. All he had to do was find his stuff. He tried to sit up, only to slam his head on a short ceiling. “Augh… ow…” He tried to rub the spot he hit, only for his arm to scrape a wall right beside him. What was going on? He placed his hands flat on the shallow ceiling, feeling around - it was wood - he tried to find some means of escaping. There must’ve been a latch *somewhere*. One hand lowered to his pocket… most, if not all, of his gear and possessions were stripped of him; though he pat around to find an assortment of objects in the corners of his prison. When his hand landed on a lighter, it immediately lit up.

A coffin. Was he dead? Had they found him and buried him with his family? Did he… even want to be dead? The response of him slamming his hands on the lid and screaming for someone answered that question. There must’ve been a mistake, he wasn’t dead - he wasn’t! There was no way, none of this could be real. Dirt fell in between the cracks of the splintering shell he was incased in, no one was going to come. No one could hear him. He could feel the tears at his cheeks, the deepest recesses of his mind coming forward.

He didn’t want to die. He wasn’t ready to join them. “Gods, please… please…” He hoped some entity would come forth to dig him up and let him breathe. It was getting hot, he could barely catch his breath; like something stuck in his throat. He tried to cry for help again, met with the same silence. He could feel the blood rushing to his head, settling on his mouth and face and numbing his skin while he choked on nothing. He slammed his hands against the wood. Maybe there was just a small bit of air, if he could just get out. He dug his nails into the splinters and chips, tearing back his fingernails for just a *chance* at being able to dig his way to freedom. He was getting tired, though, exhausted. His chest hurt, and he could no longer hold up his arms. He stared at the darkness above him. Regardless of whether he wanted it or not, he could feel his vision fading - he tried to keep his eyes closed while gasping for the air that didn’t exist.

==

Ashley snapped awake, upright, this time; eyes forced closed by the brightness of the sun reflecting off the walls of the city - still in front of the graves of his family. He panted heavily, head reeling from the nightmare.

A nightmare.

Just a nightmare.

He was never so thankful for knowing it was just a dream.

[stvpidinlove]

[ OLIVIA HOLT, SHE/HER, CIS WOMAN ]  —  [ REGAN MORGAN ]  is a child of  [ MORPHEUS ]  with the power of  [ PRECOGNITIVE DREAMING ] .  they were born in  [ 1995 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2019 ] .  with the change, they  [ ARE TRAINING IN ]  the  [ AMBASSADOR ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ SCROLLING HER CURSED TIKTOK FYP & CONFUSING HER FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ MOON ]  building .

tl;dr she’s a deranged menace to society

BASICS

hometown: milford, pennsylvania

eye color: brown

hair color:  blonde

height: 5′3

sexuality: bisexual

birthday: january 19, 1995 ( capricorn )

BIO

regan’s mother was never the type to settle down. before meeting morpheus, her longest relationship had been three months. so when the guy seemed commitment-phobic, that was perfect for her. until, of course, she found out she was pregnant. she didn’t want to get married but she was at an age where the idea of motherhood...didn’t repulse her. so she wanted to keep the baby, at which point the father of her child didn’t get down on one knee, he started to explain the kinds of responsibilities she’d face as the mother of his child.

having the child of a god in her womb inflated her ego, which was pretty impressive considering how big it already was. see, regan’s mother was a southern belle without any of the class or manners. she’d breezed through the pageant circuit as a teen, winning a number of titles with minimal effort. her talent was essentially crying on demand and looking pretty while doing it. knowing she’d slept with a god, like an honest to...god felt sort of fitting. like, duh, who else would she have her first child with?

this also led to a brief but intense fixation with shakespeare, who name dropped gods like it was his job, which led to her choosing the name regan from king lear.

she moved to pennsylvania with regan when her daughter was only four years old, because some guy practically begged her to let him take care of her, and she had nowhere better to go. until, eventually, she did, thanks to the world of avon. her mother started selling out of boredom but then it turned out she was good at it, so good that she could easily buy a place once she got bored of her rich boyfriend, and move out with regan.

thankfully, her mother got out of the pyramid scheme before she got in too deep. she was hired by an actual, reputable cosmetics company and given a desk job to work in sales, which she was still a natural at. because she had a full time job now, regan spent a lot of time with nannies...and that’s nannies plural because regan was one of those kids who drove her caretakers to quit on a regular basis.

but not because she was a handful. she was pretty self-sufficient, actually, and totally well-behaved, she was just kind of...weird. she’d leave her room for dinner with all of her clothes suddenly on backwards and say nothing as if it was normal and act confused when her nanny asked about it. she’d stare at the tv when it was off, she’d spend one day only speaking in whispers, she’d write vaguely threatening messages on the mirror with her mother’s red lipstick.

all of this was because regan knew it was scary to adults, which made it fun for her. she wasn’t, like, actually disturbed. well, aside from the dreams she had sometimes. she’d have a dream about a baby bird falling from a nest, she’d watch its chest move for minutes before it died, then she’d wake up the next day and find a dead bird outside the sliding glass doors to the backyard.

for a while she thought they were coincidences. then she thought she was making things happen in her sleep, and that it was her job to stop bad things from happening, to save every baby bird that asked for help in her dreams. it took her a few years to accept that just because she sometimes saw the future didn’t mean she had any power to change it. she was warned so she could prepare herself, which only made her feel more powerless.

but being regan, she chose to cope with this aspect of her life with avoidance and humor. she doesn’t want to pick and choose what she worries about and what she doesn’t, so she decided a long time ago not to take anything seriously.

for reasons unknown, regan’s mother actually decided to have another child after regan. but she was unconventional, too, hence regan being...the way she is, so she never actually married the father of regan’s half-brother, but they have been together for the past 15 years, so.

her brother is eleven years younger than she is, so in regan’s mind, a baby. whenever left with the task of babysitting him while the two were growing up, it would be regan who suggested ice cream for breakfast and sock sliding around the living room at dangerous speeds.

RANDOM FACTS

i want to v*mit saying this but.....she’s kind of like........the female version of stevesuptic. except for she’s cute <3

her entire twitch account is kind of satirical, like it’s very hard to gauge what her actual personality is. i don’t think her viewers bully her the way they bully steve bc she would bully them back LMAO but they ask her a lot of random ass super weird sometimes borderline disturbing questions and she answers them like it’s normal

she def has weird/creepy drawings whenever playing gartic phone tho /:

ig you could say her channel is like shit posting but make it a streamer. she has a really nice set up and she always looks made up in her streams but then the content is her playing like a cat dating sim for four hours

she’s actually pretty shit at most games that require any level of skill and her following comes entirely from her personality and her Brand ig, she’s just entertaining to watch bc she says and does the most ??? things. like she’s not a gamer girl and doesn’t say she is she just has a twitch and plays games for the attention

also she has a cat named muffintop (best part of the muffin, not the offensive term for a woman’s stomach, though she will say that’s what it means if someone asks) who she regularly posts memes of and like most of her twitch emotes are her cat. you can find examples on her pinterest board lmao

i think it’s pretty hard to get an actual vision out of regan? she mostly keeps those to herself and just lies about her dreams. she’ll just be like, “yeah actually i had a dream you were gonna choke on some oatmeal so stay safe out there.” she’s also only partially sure when a dream is actually about the future.

her like <3 symbol that represents her is butterflies, she has a ton of butterfly shit

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

idk if i am requesting a roommate for once, idk if i wanna subject anyone to that

someone naive who believes her any time she says something is Going To Happen, no matter how stupid it is and no matter how many times things simply do not happen??

a bestie because...............................i just feel like she wormed her way into someone’s inner circle and they’re just stuck with her now

[merakiui]

So you know that subtle rivalry hinted between Theo and Nine, like especially about the piano and stuff? I've seen their mini rivalry in personal stories too, but like I think it's pretty funny, cause the calm, peaceful Nine with the cool and collected Theo. What things do you think they would "fight" over? If you do small stories, like maybe a small story over it??

(Absolutely! Their relationship on the AFTER L!FE website says both of them believe the other has “ulterior motives,” which is definitely interesting. I ended up writing a small story/oneshot for this, and I hope it was good enough in terms of what they would “fight over.” Theo and Nine are so fun to write for when it’s in this format.)

Cake (Nine and Theo)

The manager is like cake, Theo thinks as he walks down the hall, a few documents held securely in his gloved hands. Everyone wants a piece of their time, but there’s only so much to go around. I guess it makes sense. They’ve always been sweet when it comes to the Reapers in the 14th Department.

Cake has an expiration date, as does any food. Along with that, it’s messy. Perfect frosting, fondant flowers, and a moist sponge that gets all over silverware and on clothes. Nevertheless, it’s a dessert for any celebratory occasion. Theo knows a lot of the Reapers can be compared to cake. Take innocent Ell and his happy-go-lucky personality for example. If he were a cake, he’d be the most overbearing slice of sugar. Such a simple cake is an insult, though. If you’re going to indulge in something unhealthy, at least make it overly presentable so you won’t have to fuss over the consequences of such a treat in the near future.

But Theo isn’t interested in cakes that have basic layers. He’s much more intrigued by those that have stacks of unique combinations, such as pineapple, vanilla, and even coconut. Each layer can be carefully picked apart, and every flavor dissected before his blue eyes. People are like cake. They’re either sickeningly sweet or spoiled with a rotten attitude, and they fall victim to their own natural expiration dates with the course of time. They can be broken down and devoured as easily as one does to a slice when they’re hungry. More importantly, their ingredients are always different. Opposing backgrounds, conflicting lifestyles, and even the people with whom they associate. When mixed together, it creates a person who holds their own morals, judgements, and rules based on the cards they have been dealt.

Perhaps that’s why children are so territorial when it comes to snacks; they believe it’s their right to be granted the best treat. In a group of three, who is most entitled to the last slice of cake? The two warring sides or the one unknowingly trapped in the middle? Sharing is cast aside in favor of getting the final piece. No one wants one-third of something. You can’t have one-third of a person. But Theo’s not of that age where you assume the world will be given to you on a silver platter. He knows when to choose his battles and when to surrender.

He knows when to savor every bite of cake he can get.

Theo almost drops the files he’s holding when he hears the upbeat staccato being played in rhythmic succession on the piano. That piano. The piano he should’ve found with the manager. If only they’d asked for his help. If only Nine hadn’t ruined it by impressing them with his dexterous talent. If only—

“You’re amazing, Nine!” the manager praises, a grin on their face. “I wonder if the other Soul Reapers have any sort of musical talent, too.”

“It’s nothing special,” he says, politely deflecting the compliment as easily as one discards a slice of moldy cake. “But I’m pleased you enjoy it, Manager.”

Of course, Theo thinks bitterly, drawing his lips into a thin line. Nine’s playing for them again.

“Can I try?”

Nine nods, sliding over on the bench to make room for (Name). While they tap certain keys at random intervals, sheepishly attempting to knit a comprehensive melody, Theo looks on in dissatisfaction. It’s Nine who senses the presence of a third individual, and he cranes his neck to confirm his suspicions.

“Oh, Mr. Theo. A pleasant surprise seeing you here.”

“You’ve been playing a lot lately. Won’t Nyang Lead Manager get angry if he catches you slacking off?”

“He doesn’t have to know,” (Name) says, rescuing Nine from any criticism Theo might have at the ready. “Besides, the day’s been slow enough.”

His heart sinks when he notices the bento boxes, evidence of two meals that have been thoroughly consumed. One for (Name) and one for Nine... They ate lunch together, and now they’re on the piano—the one he should be playing—acting completely chummy. Why? he thinks, his mind attempting to wrap itself around the concept of work relationships. Why are they so close?

His instincts tell him it’s all part of Nine’s master plan to have you to himself—to take all of the cake and leave nothing but crumbs for the others. It’s so selfishly enraging. Luckily, Theo has reason to stay in the spotless storage room. He sets the files on the lid of the piano, nearly swiping the bento boxes out of the way. There was more than enough room, and Nine doesn’t miss the calculated abruptness in Theo’s actions.

“Hm? What’s all of this?”

“Reports from this week’s patrol shifts,” he explains in a matter-of-fact tone. “I was told to bring these to you for review.”

“Right! I forgot about that. Thanks, Theo. What would I do without you?”

Just as fast as it sank, that familiar cardiovascular muscle skips a beat. Sneakily, he eyes Nine to gauge his reaction. The calm Noctu Reaper is staring right back, a partial smile gathering at the corners of his lips. If a pastry chef adds poison to the meringue of his cream horn and it incapacitates an unsuspecting customer, is he at fault? Does the issue lie with who sold him the poison? Were his intentions outlandishly harmful or driven purely by revenge? In this situation, who would be the chef? Theo’s certain it must be Nine. After all, he’s infecting you with a skill that should be reserved only for him. Playing the piano has always been his speciality. Nine is just a copycat baker whisking all sorts of notes in hopes that it produces a suitable tune.

His talent is poisoning the chances Theo has of impressing (Name) with his flawless playing.

Like a garden that’s been infested with weeds, stripping its sprouts of their needed sunlight, Nine has planted ugly hemlock.

“Is everything all right?” Nine questions, seeming concerned at Theo’s stretched silence. “Mr. Theo?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m flattered you’d worry about me.” Despite the fact that Nine’s older and that Theo ought to respect his seniors, he can’t bring himself to willingly trust the Reaper who’s been stealing the manager’s heart with his dexterity.

(Name) pops up from the seat at once, startled to have caught sight of the time. “Sorry, Nine. I've got to supervise Day and Kati’s cleaning shift. You can never be too careful with those two...” As they grab their empty bento box and the pile of documents, exchanging serene farewells with Nine, Theo opens his mouth to say something.

I’ll go with you, he wants to add, and yet the words evade him.

The manager turns to address Theo, a radiant beam in their expression—the sight of a flower that has wilted once and sprung back to life with a little bit of water and sunlight. “There’s a book I found that I think you’ll like. I’ll lend it to you if you’re interested. Let’s talk more next time, okay?”

His heart just about flips into cardiac arrest. How can his manager be so mindful and generous despite the minimal conversation they’ve shared? Such a gesture is sweeter than any cake the other Reapers may resemble.

“Let’s,” he echoes, watching as they make a swift exit. And suddenly the once dusty, overcrowded storage room becomes a haven. Observing it from his angle, he realizes just how much work the manager and Nine have done in terms of cleaning. That could’ve been a task suited to him. Now it’s as though you and Nine have started meeting up periodically in this room.

Nine rises from his spot on the bench, gingerly closing the lid over the piano keys. “Is there something on your mind?”

Theo raises a brow. “Nothing in particular. Why do you ask?”

“I was only curious. You seemed quite attached to the manager’s reactions. Though that’s just a speculation of mine. Please forgive me if I assumed incorrectly.”

“Well, I don’t want them to disapprove of my work.”

“I understand. You always do your best, Mr. Theo, so don’t let the pressure of appeasing Manager weigh you down.”

“I won’t. Thank you for your concern.” His words are hollow—lacking a soul—but he delivers them anyway. A faux cake needs no decorations if it’s role is not to be enjoyed. It’s merely a placeholder in his acquaintanceship with Nine. Stale enough to be recycled for future use, but also courteous in case of an emergency. “Then, I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Nine bids him a professional goodbye, friendly against the powerful tide of passive-aggressive distrust Theo’s built up. The disarming Soul Reaper closes the lid of his bento box, listening to Theo’s even footsteps as they grow distant with each passing second. He isn’t a fool, and neither is the picture-perfect Reaper in the Day Team. Something’s amiss. Anyone would be able to recognize the tense atmosphere that has ensnared the storage room in its vicious maw. Nine isn’t a stranger to formulated schedules. Ever since (Name) asked to meet him in the storage room for a few coveted minutes of listening to him play, Theo’s been in the distance, looming like a shadow in a child’s nightmare.

His finger taps at the colorful plastic while the gears in his brain turn. Nine doesn’t know Theo well enough to make any rash claims, and he certainly wouldn’t say any of that outright. Perhaps he just doesn’t know how to approach others, or he might want a chance to practice on the piano. If that’s the case, it would justify his lingering near the storage room. Nine has noticed the pattern, though. Theo’s always there when the manager observes his skillful fingers dancing across the keys. He’s never there for anyone else.

“I suppose anyone would think it’s an ulterior motive,” Nine murmurs to the empty air. “I’m not too sure.”

Green-eyed monsters don’t have blue eyes, so what does that make Theo?

Said Soul Reaper waits outside the door of the storage room, pressed against the wall with his ears alert and his mouth shut. To be blunt, Nine’s taken too much of the cake, and Theo’s not going to allow that. Crumbs are messy, and he despises messes. For a moment, the darker side of his thoughts conjure other messes. Crimson messes. Accidents that involve choice words and measured actions. Everything should be exemplary for a delicious result. But there won’t be any cake if he’s lacking the ingredients. The only recipe that makes is regret with a side of loss.

Theo slips away from the wall, quietly moving in the other direction. There are many layers to Nine that he must separate for intense study. The closer he gets to the center, the more personal he’ll get. And if the perfect cake involves a book, a piano, and the layers of a certain someone, he’s willing to forsake cleanliness.

Nine is there in the doorway wearing a faint smile as he witnesses Theo leave for a second time.

Something is definitely amiss with Mr. Theo.

[tirednotflirting]

show's over, the same old story now

hi i wrote a fic based on ‘moon in the morning’ by adam melchor. objectively this is very much not a happy fic am very sorry (but also not bc i think it’s good lol)

if you’re not comfy with reading stuff about infidelity this one is not gonna be your jam just fyi

thank you to @reveriesofawriter for giving this a read for me this morning <3

you can read it on ao3 here

He’s never given Alex a key. Jack figures he has to draw the line somewhere so he’s never given Alex the spare key to his place. 

Instead, the key stays just beneath the flower pot beside the front door and it stays there rather than under the mat because the first place someone would go looking for a key is below the mat, Jack. So really, the line is more like faded chalk on a sidewalk after a summer rain and Jack can’t be bothered to fix it with something more permanent.

It’s around midnight when Jack hears the lock turning and the front door open and close. He’s been sitting on the floor in front of his coffee table working on a research paper for the last several hours, late night talk shows play from the TV for some background noise. Without lifting his eyes from his laptop screen, he listens to Alex kick off his shoes by the door before wandering into the kitchen. It’s a well rehearsed routine. He doesn’t need to look across the room to know that somewhere on the other side of the wall Alex is plugging his phone into the charger by the coffee maker before checking the fridge for leftovers. (They’re aren’t any in there tonight since Jack finished off the last of the chicken parmesan for his own dinner. There is some watermelon on the top shelf though.)

Given the time and the fact that it’s Friday, Alex must have been picking up someone’s shift at the bar so Jack isn’t surprised when he hears more soft footsteps head in the direction of the bathroom. A few moments later he hears the sound of the spray from the shower. Jack figures that’s another ten or so minutes he’ll have to work on his citations so he gets back to the task at hand. 

Almost exactly ten minutes later, Alex wanders into the living room wearing a pair of sweatpants pulled from Jack’s closet but his own flannel. He hasn’t bothered with the buttons and Jack does what he can to ignore that observation. Alex takes a seat on the couch just behind where Jack sits and again, in an all too familiar routine, Jack sighs at the feeling of Alex’s fingers pressing into the tension he holds in his shoulders. 

“You’ve gotta stop sitting on the floor when you’re working,” Alex says. “You’re going to graduate with a masters in back pain otherwise.”

“I’m comfiest on the floor.”

“I promise you would be comfier at your desk, Jack.” Alex says with a laugh before he leans forward and presses his lips against Jack’s hair like he always does. Before he sits back up, Jack catches the faded scent of Alex’s cologne on the collar of the flannel and it’s enough motivation to reach forward and quickly hit save before closing his laptop for the night. Jack pushes himself up onto the couch beside him and their brown eyes meet for the first time since Alex let himself in twenty or so minutes earlier. Alex looks tired (he always looks so tired) and Jack can’t help but lift a hand to cradle his cheek, his thumb brushing gently below the dark circles he can see in the glow from the TV. 

“I’ll be fine,” Jack finally answers after a few beats of silence pass between them. 

“Just trying to take care of you,” Alex mumbles as he drops a hand against Jack’s knee and his thumb traces circles against the bone there. There’s some kind of emotion Jack can’t quite place in his tone. He’d question what to call it but they both know that’s not where this is headed.

“You always do,” he replies instead and moves his hand to the back of Alex’s neck to pull him closer to bring their lips together. Alex catches on quickly enough and sighs against Jack’s lips before climbing into his lap and winding his arms around his shoulders, his fingers tangling into the ends of Jack’s hair.

Jack smiles into the kiss when Alex gasps at the feeling of Jack’s fingertips skating their way up his back below the worn flannel shirt. Jack has perpetually cold hands meanwhile Alex’s skin always feels like he’s on fire. There’s probably something poetic in that but Jack ignores the dreamy thoughts and words in favor of pushing the soft material away from Alex’s shoulders until he briefly removes his hands from Jack’s hair to shake the shirt the rest of the way off. He tosses the shirt behind him before wrapping himself around Jack again. Jack feels goosebumps rise against where his fingers brush against Alex’s chest and he knows it’s something he’ll never get over the thrill of being able to do.

Alex’s lips travel down Jack’s jaw to the tattoo on his neck that Alex has always been fond of. “Let’s go to your room,” Alex mumbles in a lower voice, his lips brushing against Jack’s ear. He all but falls out of Jack’s lap before grabbing his hand to pull him in the direction of the hall. The flannel is left forgotten on the back of the couch and the TV is left on with some random late night show host still telling bad jokes to a studio audience. 

As they pass the kitchen, Alex’s greedy lips pressing against whatever skin he can find as he pulls Jack toward the bedroom at the end of the hall, Jack swears he can hear the sound of Alex’s phone buzzing out a rhythm against his kitchen counter. 

And unlike Alex’s melancholy tone or the poetry told by the temperature of their skin, Jack doesn’t have to question who’s trying to call Alex after midnight on a Friday night. Jack already knows the answer. But as he takes the final steps into his bedroom and lets Alex kiss him against the closed door, he once again chooses to ignore the truth and the buzzing beside his coffee maker in favor of falling into bed with a boy he knows will be gone by sunrise.

*

A few hours later, the sound of the sink running wakes Jack from his sleep. He’s always hated how lightly he sleeps. He knows he’d be far more well rested just in general if he could stay unconscious through the sound of thunderstorms and his late night companion leaving in the earliest hours of the morning. But he figures for the universe to stay balanced he has to be punished for this somehow and maybe this is the best the universe can do at this kind of hour.

His eyes flutter barely open, just enough that he can make out some of the details of his bedroom from the tiny light provided by the moon shining through the curtain he hadn’t bothered to close before falling asleep a few hours earlier. As he listens to the sounds of Alex brushing his teeth and wandering around Jack’s apartment to find the clothes he arrived in, Jack takes in his open closet and the mussed up other side of his bed. It’s reached the point in the year where Jack only sleeps with a sheet because he can’t rest when he’s too warm. A long time ago Alex told him something about how he’s never been able to sleep without something weighing down over him. Jack had started keeping a quilt in the chair in the corner soon after that. It’s already been folded up again and placed back in its spot.

He hears the familiar jingle of Alex’s keys that he dropped in the bowl by the door on his way in a few hours earlier and exhaustion starts to settle back over Jack. He pulls the sheet up over his chest and turns away from his bedroom door and lets out a long breath before closing his eyes. 

He’s just started to tumble back over the edge toward sleep so he can’t be sure it wasn’t the beginning of a dream but Jack swears he hears the soft sound of footsteps on the carpet and feels a pair of lips press against his temple. It’s probably easier for everyone involved to assume it’s only his subconscious playing tricks with him again though, he figures, and then he’s asleep. 

*

It’s a couple weeks later on a night that follows the same routine as all the others. But for some reason they’ve both chosen tonight to pull a wild card on each other. Rather than forcing his eyes shut and his breathing to steady out after listening to Alex shuffle around the small apartment before heading out, Jack lets himself stay awake. He sits up against the headboard, the sheets falling to pool around his waist. He feels himself shiver in the cool air. He always keeps his place fairly cool at night but he stopped noticing it when he so often is sharing a bed with a human furnace.

Alex steps back into the doorframe, his arms crossing against his chest as he leans his shoulder into the wood, his dark eyes falling to meet Jack’s. He doesn’t look all that surprised to see Jack awake, his eyebrows only barely lifting in recognition that they’ve gone off script a bit.

“You should get some rest, Jack,” Alex says in a voice that suggests he should take his own advice. “You’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

“Does he make you happy?” Jack asks, his tone all curiosity. Jack is a student before all else; all he wants to do is understand, really.

“He doesn’t make me unhappy,” Alex answers as though the answer should be that obvious. “I wouldn’t stay with someone that makes me miserable.”

“Then does he know you come here? Does he never question why you come home two hours after closing smelling like another man?” Jack isn’t sure who he’s judging more out of the two of them with the questions. He watches Alex take a moment to sigh and scratch at the back of his neck.

“Jack, we can’t have this conversation right now,” Alex says, his eyes floating around the room from his spot at the door in an attempt to avoid Jack’s gaze. “I need to get home. It’s late.”

He shoves his hands in his pockets and turns then to leave. Jack holds his breath until he hears the front door open and close and the lock slide into place. He takes a deep breath then and lets his body fall back against the mattress. Jack closes his eyes and pushes aside the ache in his chest at the silent reminder that despite how often Alex makes his way into Jack’s apartment and heart at the end of the day, home will always be within a different collection of four walls and with a different boy.

*

It’s a creak in the mattress that wakes Jack up this time. For a moment he’s confused at the warm body still pressed against his back. He’s worried his mind is starting to play even more cruel tricks on him in his dreams but the fingertips pressed against his middle tell him their current position is a reality. He lets his fingers fall into the spaces between Alex’s and he feels a sigh against the back of his neck. But he also doesn’t miss the way Alex pulls him impossibly closer against his chest.

“I need to leave soon, Jack,” he states quietly, another emotion hidden in his tone since Jack can’t see Alex's face. 

“Can you stay until the morning?” Jack asks the question before he can stop it from leaving his lips. He squeezes their hands together. The action feels somewhat clumsy, it’s not often that they hold hands. “We’ve both gotta get up for class. I’ll make coffee, you can borrow a shirt.”

“He’ll wonder where I was,” Alex answers though there isn’t anything combative in his voice.

“Will he?”

They’re both silent for a few moments but they both know there’s an answer that’s been said regardless. Alex presses his lips against the back of Jack’s neck and it feels like he’s struck a match against the skin.

“Goodnight, Jack.”

And as both of their breathing evens out while they stay pressed against each other under the sheets, Jack’s final thought before stumbling into sleep is that maybe he wouldn’t mind getting burned. 

*

[cheswirls]

you won't remember / i won't forget  [ 1/2 ]

[this ended up being my creative project october, wholly inspired by dakumes' old art. its 10k each half so be careful if you have a 'read more' extension. rip mobile users ig. thanks again @hoo-kie for letting me ramble abt this one !]

he brings daisies, today.

sabo takes them warily as they’re pushed into his arms, careful of the iv in his right hand. the bouquet is lovely, the white petals fresh, like they had just been picked, and the yellow centers seeming to stare up at him, warm color nice and inviting, bringing a hesitant smile to his face.

after a moment he bends down to sniff them, and closes his eyes at the smell, his mouth falling open to breathe it in. “they’re lovely,” he murmurs, just loud enough for the room’s other occupant to hear.

“they’re your favorite,” is his reply, and sabo’s shoulders tense at the information release.

“o-oh,” he stammers, holding the bouquet at a distance. he works to keep his face neutral, but it’s hard, his former wary smile quickly wanting to morph into a full-blown frown. it’s not that he doesn’t doubt that it’s true -they smell amazing, so it must be to some extent- but more that it was being handed to him as fact, presented as evidence of something he wasn’t ready to believe.

“here, let me take them,” his visitor says, reaching out to grab the flowers. his callused fingers brush against the backs of sabo’s hands and the blond bites down on his lower lip at the contact. “i should’ve brought a vase or somethin’, that was my bad.” he either doesn’t notice sabo’s obvious discomfort or is blatantly ignoring it -both options are equally possible- and he moves to set the bouquet on the windowsill, open now that the blinds had been drawn.

sabo folds his hands in his lap, having nothing better to do with them. he stares at the scars, at the bandaids covering fresh marks, and runs his thumb over one until the motion begins to irritate where his iv was stuck.

his visitor -ugh, he really should stop calling him that. he had a name, it’s just that sabo never bothered to remember it. but when he turns back to take a seat on the edge of sabo’s hospital bed, the early morning light reflects off his visitor nametag, and sabo reads the name again: ace.

“are you feeling any better today?” he asks, and sabo moves his gaze away once again.

“i guess,” he mutters. ace’s face falls at the dismissive attitude, but he doesn’t leave. it bothers sabo, but another, very small part of him feels warm. he does his best to tune it out.

he looks up again to find ace watching him, and lowers his eyes, examining his clothes instead. his window didn’t provide a great view, so this was his only real way to gauge the weather. 

if he had to guess, it was cold. ace was in a red coat, scuffed up here and there but otherwise looking rather nice. his boots were honey-tanned, the laces done up loosely so that the tops flopped open. they had more signs of wear than the coat, so if sabo had to guess, he’d probably had them for some time. 

sabo reaches a hand up and pushes his fringe out of his face, sighing. the movement causes ace to lean forward.

“have the nurses said anything new?”

what’s it to you? sabo wants to bite out, but he withholds his tongue. “they haven’t been by,” he mutters instead, which was partially true. they hadn’t been by, since ace was last here, that he could tell. but his bandages weren’t frayed anymore, from his constant picking, and his iv was near full. it was odd-colored, too, which would probably explain why he couldn’t feel anything apart from a low thrum from his head. his ankles felt freer, too, brushing against the low-grade cotton of the sheets, which probably meant the wrapping around them had been removed.

he hasn’t looked yet. he’s not sure he wants to.

a low knock on the open door gets his attention, and sabo looks up as one of the nurses wanders in, lowering her hand and raising a clipboard.

“mr. portgas? i’m here to take your vitals, if you’re ready.”

ace blinks, then stands. “do i need to-?”

the nurse glances to him as she takes a seat on a stool at sabo’s bedside. “you can stay,” she tells him, smiling. “as long as it’s okay with sabo.”

they both turn to stare and sabo drops his eyes to the mint green of his hospital shirt. “sure.”

this nurse looks familiar, but they had been rotating his room, so if he was told anything important about her, he’d already forgotten. she’s gentle as she takes his left arm to push on a bp cuff, but with a sort of carelessness that leaves her nails scraping on the bandages. he hardly notices, though, and that’s when he knows for sure he’s on some kind of morphine. 

she finishes after a few minutes and sabo leans his head back against the pillows as she scribbles down a set of numbers. he doesn’t care, but she tells him he was normal anyways. the news seems to satisfy ace, if anything.

he glances to the window as she leaves and accidentally meets his eyes. they’re dark when he’s turned away from the light like this, but sabo can still tell they’re grey. he turns away quickly. it really was too early for this.

as if agreeing with him, ace’s stomach grumbles and he places his arms over it in a hurry, cheeks colored. “uh, guess i forgot to eat before coming in,” he mumbles. he straightens after a moment, nodding to the door. “‘m gonna grab something real quick. you want anything?”

by ‘something’, he means whatever he can find from the vending machine at the end of the hall. at most it’ll give sabo a few minutes of respite. he purses his lips. “they have me on a regulated diet,” he reminds ace, like he didn’t already know.

ace grins, moving around the bed and throwing his hands into his coat. it spreads at the edges as he draws his arms taut, resting just below his hip. “you could sneak it. a little wouldn’t do you any harm.” but he shrugs, giving up before sabo could protest. “i’ll be right back.”

sabo grips the sheets hard as ace slides the door shut. a part of him never wants the other to come back; another part of him knows he always does.

-

sabo takes a risk and curls his legs under the thin sheets. he holds his breath as he slides the blanket down, removing them one by one. the pants he was given were the same bland mint as his shirt, and they cut off at the top of his calves, leaving most of his lower leg exposed. now that the bandages are gone, he can see the obvious rope marks at his ankles, skin still badly discolored but no longer open. he breathes deep at the sight, gasping before he remembers he’d been withheld air, and then closes his eyes and works to steady his breathing.

he folds his legs up more and reaches a hand down to brush against the gnarled skin. even as light as he is, it’s still very sensitive, and he ends up pulling away quicker than he’d like. he frowns at the sight, curving his legs the opposite way to view the other side. it’s the first injury he’s seen, the others always wrapped up. he’d been too anxious to remove the simple bandaids after their presence lingered for a few days, nervous of what he’d find. when he picks at the wrapping on his arms, it’s fixed before he can get anywhere, smoothed down like he hadn’t bothered in the first place.

a quick inhale gains his attention, and sabo looks up to see ace just inside the room, hand still on the doorknob. he pulls a long face and reaches out to drag the blanket over his feet, hiding the marks. then he moves his legs until they’re pressed against his chest. but the pressure ends up causing discomfort, and sabo wonders not for the first time just what his shirt was concealing. he huffs and ends up sliding his legs straight again. they catch the edge of the sheet and push it back, revealing the marks again as his legs lay bare.

ace comes closer, sliding into the chair at sabo’s left, and his eyes swivel from the injury to sabo’s face, watching him closely. “do they hurt?” he asks after a minute.

“no,” sabo answers, letting the air settle before replying. he wants to divulge more, say something about his light touch irritating them, but another part of him vehemently doesn’t, and he chooses to trust the logic of the latter.

ace sits quietly for a while, and sabo realizes it’s the first time he’s seen any of his injuries either. 

“how?” he speaks up, loud in the silence. he swallows, because that had been impulsive, but ace is looking at him, and he can’t take it back now. “how did i get them?”

ace’s expression becomes pained, and he turns away, looking to the wall. his hands, resting calmly on his thighs, move to entangle, and sabo watches as they restlessly fumble. his eyes narrow.

“do you . . really want to know?”

sabo blinks, caught off-guard by the question, by the hesitance in ace’s tone. after all this time, after revealing little random nothings about the blond, now he was stalling on something he actually-

“tell me,” sabo demands, teeth gritted.

ace’s grey eyes catch in the light as he turns back to look at sabo, alarmed. they grow lax after a moment, and he nods, sullenly glancing to the door before giving sabo his full attention. “restraints.”

sabo blinks at the concise reply, furrowing his brow in irritation. he’s quick to smooth it out, bringing a hand up as the pain hits. he doesn’t know what to think. it was vague, but ace spoke like it was supposed to be significant. “restraints,” he echoes, voice bland. 

ace’s hand is reached out, but he drops it as sabo glances back up. “yeah.”

sabo suppresses the shiver in his body. him being succinct suddenly scared sabo more than anything. if he was hesitant to disclose what all had happened, well . .

just how bad was it?

-

“mr portgas?”

sabo moves his book further down his face to see a nurse at the door. he lets it fall face-down into his lap, giving her his attention as she moves into the room. she looks familiar, with her straight black hair, but sabo can't place her.

“i’m here to take your vitals,” she says. sabo nods and she takes a seat at his bedside, setting a clipboard down on a small table she rolls closer. she picks up a pulse monitor first and places it on sabo’s index finger.

when she's all done she tells him he was normal today, then leaves him to his reading. sabo picks the book back up but his gaze is caught on the stack of progress sheets on his door, and he finds himself wondering what all they said, if they disclosed anything he wasn’t already aware of.

the book is good. he’d acquired it the other day, and after removing the bookmark someone had left in it, he’d worked on it for a long while. he was almost halfway through now. 

his mind wanders as he flips the page, wondering if he could ask the staff for another one. he’s not sure who this one belongs to, but he’ll have to return it. he wants to do that much.

“do you like it?”

sabo is startled as his visitor walks into the room. ace, he reads off the nametag. he frowns, realizing he hadn’t processed anything, and flips back a page. “it’s fine,” he mumbles, though he knows his progress spoke for itself. 

ace moves to occupy the rolling chair the nurse had just been in. “do you want me to get you another one?”

sabo frowns deeper at this, but doesn’t look up from the pages. “no, that’s okay.” he didn’t want ace to give him anything. though, he thinks, glancing to his right, the flowers were nice. they were in a real vase now, getting light from the open window. they made the room smell good. less like ointment and antiseptic, something that didn’t make his nose burn.

ace doesn’t say anything else. he’s content to sit beside sabo as he reads, as the sun tracks higher and then lower into the sky, and the daisies begin to wilt from lack of light.

-

ace is lounging on a chair near the window, hands steepled, eyes turned toward the skyline. his legs are extended on the floor, only the backs of his heels touching the tile. he’s wearing the boots again, and the color is faded today, like frost had covered the top and had yet to melt off. 

sabo observes him when he’s finished his book, last page still open to give the illusion he was reading. he drops the act when a nurse wanders in, holding up two cups of yogurt. sabo closes the book so it lies backwards on his thighs, then swings the overbed tabletop so it rested at an angle, closer but not exactly over him. 

her hair dips over her shoulder when she reaches forward to hand sabo his lunch. he deposits both cups onto the table, then reaches back to take the plastic spoon from her grip. her nails clip one of the bandaids along his finger, and sabo blinks, a stern sense of deja-vu washing over him.

“if you can’t finish both, you can put one in the fridge over there,” she says, pointing to a mini fridge in the corner of the room, squished between the wall and a table of basic medical supplies. 

sabo nods, wondering how he’s never noticed it before. she moves from the room after that, her long, dark hair fanning out over the back of her scrubs. the door shuts before sabo moves to open one of the tabs on the yogurt.

“you’re done with the book?” ace asks quietly, while sabo’s mouth is full. it’d been easier to ignore the eyes on his back when he wasn’t talking, but at least now, sabo doesn’t have to verbally respond, nodding instead.

sabo doesn’t trust ace, not yet, but the staff clearly seem to, so when he’s halfway through with the cup he puts it down in favor of the book, holding it out to him. “will you give this back?” he requests. 

he doesn’t miss the way ace’s face drops as he reaches out to take it. he’s not sure how to interpret it, so he chooses not to, moving to finish his yogurt. he starts feeling funny at the end, so he sets it aside with a couple bites left, rolling his tongue in his mouth to try and work the feeling away.

ace is still sitting there, neck almost level with the back of the chair. his legs are bent, now, and both feet are firmly on the ground to hold himself in place. sabo doesn’t feel bad. he tells himself this. but, ace had been there all day, refusing to leave for anything. his mood was starting to wear on the blond.

“here,” sabo says, holding the second yogurt cup towards him. “you can have this.”

ace blinks, but stretches out an arm. it lingers there, both of their hands on the cup. “you’re sure?”

sabo shrugs, withdrawing. “i don’t want it.”

ace must know something he doesn’t, because he smiles as he brings the yogurt close. “thanks,” he says, but his smile crooks as he pulls the tab. his eyes wander to sabo’s spoon and the blond follows his gaze there, jerking a hand out to shield it from view.

“no,” he stresses. “get your own.” he jerks his hand to the table against the wall. “use one of those.”

ace’s shoulders are shaking with contained laughter, and he gets up with a jerky bow, too-long arm folding behind his back. “as you wish,” he purrs, and sabo doesn’t know how to feel about that. ace moves over to the table, humming as he looks everything over. his smile hasn’t left his face, but his brows grow pinched as he wonders what to use.

sabo regrets giving him the book, if only because he misses having something to do with his hands. it was good, too. he’d read it again if it was his own, especially because he wasn’t able to pick up on the lead’s motives, for some reason. 

ace wanders back over to his chair with a tongue depressor, moving the seat close so that he can rest an elbow on sabo’s table. sabo glances at him again and then leans back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling.

“i don’t even know you,” he mutters, one hand wandering up to clench his shirt, right where his heart is.

ace stills, food forgotten. “sabo . .” he tries.

“i don’t even know you!” his voice raises, but it’s not a yell, not yet. it’s enough to make ace go quiet, though, and he turns to face him. “why are you even here? why don’t you go somewhere else? i-” he cuts himself off as he feels his eyes water.

“my name is ace.” he sets the yogurt on the table, then pushes it aside to move closer to the bed. “i’ve been coming here every day for-”

“i know,” sabo interrupts. “i remember when you’re here.”

ace’s eyes widen. “that’s . . good. i’m glad.”

sabo fists the blanket tightly in both hands. “i’m not.” his eyes narrow. “you should go.”

ace looks pained, but he stands without argument. “if that’s what you want.”

sabo’s heart hurts as the door closes. he thinks it might hurt more than all his physical injuries, but he just can’t figure out why.

-

he’s propped up when he first wakes, not nearly as lucid as he should be. his eyes adjust to the room easily enough. it’s partially dark, the blinds half-open to let in the setting sun’s light. he puffs out a breath, face screwing up at the weight on his chest.

when he glances down, he finds himself bound in a blanket. stringy blond hair moves into the edge of his vision. he thinks, for how long it appears, it was weird how short it felt on the back. if he reached behind, he’d find a bald strip barely covered by the longer strands. but before he can, there’s a loud noise to his left, his earlier motion not going unnoticed.

“sabo!” a voice says, and he looks up to see someone in a hospital gown moving quickly to his bedside. “thank god you’re awake,” he says, looking close to tears, and he climbs up on the edge of the bed, one knee buried into the mattress. rough hands move up to cup his face, and he blinks, stunned by the emotion he’s greeted with. he inhales sharp, vision swimming, and leans out of the hold, bringing a hand to his forehead. his fingers bunch around tight bandages.

“sabo?” the voice comes again. “does it hurt? i can get the nurses. here, there should be a button-”

he reaches out and grips the other’s hand before he could press anything, one eye still screwed up. “i’m . . . overwhelmed,” he manages to say, slowly voicing his thoughts, sure he would be able to process them this way. the other settles down, nodding in understanding.

“you had surgery. they said you would-”

“no,” he grounds out. he drops the hand and gestures between them. “this.”

“what do you mean?”

“you know me,” he says, opening both eyes now to see the puzzlement cross the other’s face. “i can see that. but you aren’t-” he breaks off. “i mean i . . .” he trails off, shaking his head, eyes downcast.

“. . don’t.”

-

they tell him his name is sabo portgas. sabo doesn’t have anything to go off, so he takes what he’s given. he has a visitor, they say, from the room next door. his name is ace. he wanted to see sabo before he was discharged.

“it’s okay,” he hears ace tell the doctor, before he comes in. “i’m not worried. i’ll help him remember.”

“i admire you attitude, but it won’t be that easy,” the doctor warns. ace says something in a voice too low for sabo to hear. the doctor sighs. “remember to take care of yourself, too.”

“gotcha!” ace says, and then he’s pushing the door open. sabo watches him warily. 

ace smiles until he shows his teeth and moves until he’s sitting at sabo’s bedside. “hey! feel any better?”

sabo gestures to the morphine drip. “i don’t feel anything, i assure you.”

ace laughs, his lips barely parted. “sorry for scaring you last time. i-”

“last time?” sabo mumbles, face screwing up in concentration.

ace’s morphs into one of disbelief. “you don’t . . remember?”

“i was told ace was coming but.” he shakes his head. “i’ve never met you before.”

ace’s eyes dim. then they glimmer, and he moves closer, setting both hands gently on each of sabo’s shoulders. he thought he could take this slow, but if he was regressing, if would be better to go all out from the beginning. “hey, sabo,” he says, voice so assertive it has blue eyes locked onto his in an instant. “i love you.”

sabo sits there for a while, until the air stings at his wide eyes. he thinks he’s forgotten to breathe in his shock. “you -what?!” his lips purse, affronted by the casual intimacy. 

“i love you,” ace says again, leaning back. sabo is even more confused as he says it again. “i have for a long time, and i always will.” his grip tightens, crumpling the thin material of his hospital gown. “if you remember anything from today: remember that.”

and sabo does.

he remembers well into the night, long after ace has left, shooed out once visitor hours had ended. he falls asleep for a bit, and when he wakes, body sore, room dark, he still remembers ace’s determined look as he said that phrase sabo felt was misplaced.

he slams a hand on the call button before he can be sick. it’s a long night.

-

he shows up again first thing in the morning. sabo has to read the visitor tag for the name, but he remembers the face, and it makes him nervous, wary. ace is being far too assertive for someone in sabo’s position, and he’s unsure if he can trust him. he doesn’t know anything about him, so it’s hard to place his intentions. 

sabo supposes he could try and learn, but it’s far easier to close himself off instead, to put some distance between the two of them. he wanted to know more about himself before he got to know the person claiming to be in love with him.

-

“hey, this green doesn’t look bad on you!” ace says one day, making a frame with his fingers to capture sabo in. he blinks up, distracted, and ace’s grin morphs. “dark blue would look better, though,” he admits. “too bad they don’t have it.” he leans back. “i’d bring you some, but uh, i just can’t afford it right now.” he perks up. “one day, though! before you leave, i swear it.”

“right,” sabo says, frowning. ace catches on, sitting back up straight.

“you okay? head hurt?”

“i like blue?” sabo mumbles, ace straining to hear the words.

he blinks when he does, nodding. “yeah. it matches your eyes,” he admits.

sabo lifts a hand to his face, wincing at the strain it puts on the iv. “my eyes are blue?”

ace jumps to his feet, and sabo shifts, eyeing him oddly. he holds a finger up. “wait here.”

he’s gone before sabo can reply that he’s got nowhere to go.

one of the nurses comes in, ace trailing her. they’re both smiling. “i hadn’t realized you never saw,” she admits, words directed to sabo, though he doesn’t know what she means. she takes out a small pocket mirror and places it in front of sabo, until he’s reached out to hold it in his own hands.

his reflection stares back at him. when he blinks, cerulean eyes blink back. his face is pale, too pale. there’s a bandaid on his cheek. he moves the mirror higher and cards a hand through his hair. it’s definitely seen better days. 

he hands the mirror back. “thank you.”

she shakes her head. “thank ace. he’s the one who brought it up.” she waves. “let me know if you need anything else.”

ace waves back, settling again on the edge of the bed as she leaves. “they’re pretty,” he voices, and sabo looks up again. 

“my eyes?”

“your eyes,” ace clarifies. “they’ve always been pretty.”

sabo blinks, feeling drawn away from the conversation. he could’ve handled it, but the last part got him, the insinuation that he didn’t know if he could trust.

“you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday,” he blurts out, because ace is still staring at him but he doesn’t want that conversation drawn out.

ace looks down at himself, then lets out a meek laugh. “it’s all i have right now,” he reveals. “but i’m working on it.”

sabo has no idea what he means, but he doesn’t move to question it. he doesn’t care enough yet.

-

the next time ace comes in, sabo’s bandages are unraveled from his arms. the edges are bloody, and there are red partial fingerprints staining his right arm. he’s still dragging his fingers down his left, unbothered as the stitches come open, blood seeping from the long cut running down his inner arm. 

ace drops his package, and it lands on the tile with a loud thunk. “sabo!” he frets, instantly by the blond’s side, forcing him to stop. “you can’t do that! you’re opening them! doesn’t it hurt?”

“i wanted to see,” he murmurs, focused on the feeling of ace’s hand wrapped around his bloody one. “they would never let me see. i’ve been trying, i think.” he shakes his head. “it doesn’t hurt.”

“that doesn’t matter!” ace snaps, and sabo blinks, ripped from his daze. “you can’t hurt yourself like this,” he tells sabo, using his free hand to hit the call button. “it won’t get better if you keep messing with it.”

“what’s-? oh. oh no, sabo.” a nurse comes in and hurries over, turning sabo’s left arm gently in her grasp. “you shouldn’t mess with these. you’ll only make them worse.”

sabo frowns, offended. “i only wanted to see what they looked like.”

“you can do that once they’re all better,” the nurse assures him. she looks across to his other arm, and her gaze softens. “let me get some water and i’ll help you clean up.” she glances to ace. “stay here?” watch him? she doesn’t say, but she doesn’t have to. ace nods, hand clasped tight around sabo’s. 

“it doesn’t hurt,” sabo mumbles, after she’s cleaned the blood off and prepped the needle with anesthetic. 

“just in case,” she tells him, inserting the needle. ace watches her work as she sews up sabo’s left arm, holding onto his right. they switch as she preps another needle with local anesthetic, and sabo looks very bored as the same process is repeated on his other arm.

ace doesn’t relax until both of sabo’s arms are bandaged back up. sabo is the opposite, growing more taut as his wounds are hidden from him. again. 

“where did i get these?” he holds out his arms for emphasis. ace purses his lips, and that drives sabo up the wall. “you know!” he accuses. “you know and you’re not saying anything! you have to know how frustrating that is. do-” he pauses, a thought dawning on him. “was it you?”

ace’s expression changes immediately. “no,” he breathes, and sabo almost feels bad for accusing him, but it makes sense, too.

“you were involved, then,” sabo surmises. “that’s why you’re here -you feel guilty.”

“sabo, listen to me.” ace moves closer, and sabo flinches, forcing him to stop short. “you have the wrong idea.” he leans back again, and his hands go to the hem of his shirt.

sabo watches as he raises it, revealing the bandages wrapped around his ribs. he can see the bruising peeking out from the edges of the white. or, grey, more like. sabo imagined it’s what his own would look like, if the hospital staff wasn’t so vigorous in changing them out. he mellows out, just a bit.

“i was there, but i didn’t -i would never hurt you,” ace stresses. “i was with you. you just ended up with more damage than me.” he bites his lip, hard, his eyes no longer on sabo. “i’m sorry, for that. if i could switch our places, i would, i’d do it in a heartbeat.”

sabo is silent for a long time, mulling this over. 

“maybe it’s a trauma bond,” he suggests, and ace blinks rapidly.

“sorry, what?”

“we went through the same experience, and now you’re attached to me.” sabo shrugs. “it happens.”

“wh- no.” ace shakes his head. “sabo, no, that’s not it. i’ve been with you long before that. what happened was unfortunate, but it-”

“then what is it?!” sabo yells. “what are we?” his lower lip trembles, and he forces himself to hold the tears back, even as he feels his eyes burn. “just tell me already,” he says hoarsely, barely containing himself.

ace comes close again, sitting on the bed, grasping for sabo’s hand. he nods, several times, like he’s working himself up. “my name is ace portgas,” he says slowly, voice breaking.

sabo’s world shatters.

-

ace is out getting food when sabo decides he’s had enough of this small room. he pulls the iv out and presses down on his bandaged wrist until the bleeding has stopped. then he swings both legs over the edge of the bed, back turned from the window. he plucks the handful of electrodes from his skin and gathers himself in the new quiet of the room. he could do this. he could stand-

the door bursts open right as sabo as settled his hands on the mattress to hoist himself up. he looks up, alarmed, as several people rush in and stop short.

“i- uh.” he blanks, caught off guard. “i just . . want to walk around. if that’s okay.” he mumbles the last part, right as he spies ace just inside the door, expression fading to something unreadable. 

“oh, sabo,” one of the staff says, voice hushed. they move forward to gather the disconnected electrodes from the ground. “you should ask about things like that. it should be fine . . ?” they turn to the others for confirmation.

another one steps up, nodding. “let me go get the doctor.”

they all slowly disperse until only ace is left, wandering in. ace portgas. 

“they’ll get worried if you’re unhooked from the machines,” he says, bending down in front of sabo. sabo searches his face, but he can’t find any resemblance to his own. they weren’t family. they weren’t blood, which meant . .

he tsks, turning his head away. “i wasn’t going to leave,” he mutters. “not like i have anywhere to go.”

ace’s eyes widen, and then relax, as he does his best to put on a brave face. “you will,” he promises. “i’m working on it.”

sabo isn’t sure what he means, but the doctor comes in before he can question.

“portgas!” he says, and the greeting is a sting in the already-burning cut. “heard you wanted to walk around. that should be fine, you’ll just have to take your iv with you. hm? ah, let me hook it back up.”

he’s very patient, not mentioning the earlier incident, or growing disgruntled at the fact his iv was leaking. sabo sits there silently as he places the needle back under his skin, nods in satisfaction, and leans back.

“don’t push yourself. you can use the iv stand as balance, but if you need a wheelchair, i’ll issue that, too.” his lips quirk up. “walking around will be good for you, though. it’s a little early, but i suppose you’ve been here long enough.” he stands back up. “i’ll get someone to bring in slippers. just sit tight until then.” he winks, and sabo nods, trying not to feel guilty.

the slippers are the same mint green as the rest of his hospital garb. sabo feels a stab of disappointment, but he’s not sure what color he wishes they were instead. they slide on easily enough, and after wheeling the iv stand around -and under surveillance- he grabs onto it to slowly come to a stand.

his legs shake. it’s not too bad, the nurse tells him. he takes a step forward, and another, the iv stand rolling along with him. she tells him he’s good enough to go, and sabo nods, concentrating, gaze trained on his feet.

“ace can take you around, make sure you’re doing okay,” she says, and sabo’s stomach drops. he suddenly doesn’t feel like going, but he forces himself to move anyway.

“fine,” he grunts, already at the door.

“if he can’t make it back, please don’t try to carry him,” the nurse tells ace quietly. “we don’t want to upset your ribs, and we have plenty of wheelchairs.”

ace frowns. “but that’s more romantic!”

“it’s not if you both end up collapsed,” she chides, and ace relents.

sabo’s not very far away from the room when ace catches up, hovering on his free side. “anywhere specific you wanna go?”

“take me to the vending machine you like so much,” is sabo’s reply.

ace looks taken aback. “well i’m not in love with it or anything.”

no, just me, he thinks, then slams down on that thought and stuffs it somewhere he doesn’t have to think about it. 

it’s at the end of the hall, illuminated in a dark corner. sabo looks at the rows, but nothing catches his eye.

“you want anything?” ace asks, leaning back against the wall.

sabo shrugs. “i don’t know what i would like.”

ace grins, fishing a dollar bill from his pocket. “i gotcha,” he says, head thrown over his shoulder as he steps forward to insert the money into the machine. he presses a couple buttons and sabo watches as a red package falls. 

ace pops it out and rips it open, gesturing for sabo to follow. they move until they’re sat on a bench, a large window covering most of the wall next to it. sabo sighs in relief as he releases his hands from their deathgrip on the cold steel. he would never admit it, but he was getting tired.

when he turns to glance at ace, smiling cheekily, he finds he doesn’t need to, which irritates him. ace resists laughing and nudges his shoulder, getting him to hold his hand out. he pours some of the candy into his palm, and sabo frowns down at it as the fruity smell assaults his nose.

“i probably can’t have this.”

“no one has to know,” ace says, shrugging. he pours some straight from the bag down into his mouth, and sabo shrugs, copying him, while he presses a purple one to his lips.

his eyes pop. it was startlingly good. he immediately throws another in, this time green. “these are good,” he voices, and ace laughs from beside him.

“too bad they don’t have the blue skittles.” ace grins when sabo stares up at him, questioning. “they’d match your eyes.”

sabo strangely feels like he’s heard something similar. he can’t place the conversation, though, and his interest dies. “these are good enough,” he insists, lifting his hand to pour them all into his mouth. he chews slowly, the fruit combination strange but not unpleasant. “thanks,” he mumbles, almost too low to hear, when he’s done.

unfortunately, ace’s hearing is extremely good, almost unreasonably so. “no problem,” he says, shoulders relaxing. 

they stay there until the sun starts sinking. ace has to ward sabo off from climbing the stairs to a new floor, convincing him to leave that for another day. they make it back to the room with little issue, though sabo is loath to admit he’s a little out of breath. 

“your blood pressure is a little high,” one of the nurses notes later on that night. “must’ve been a good walk.”

sabo bites down on his tongue, just hard enough to keep from saying anything. his mind wanders back to the candy he’d indulged in, and he resists rolling his eyes. he knew there would be consequences.

he strangely finds himself not caring as much as he should.

-

sabo’s attention, much to ace’s despair, is stolen by another book. he’d gotten this one from ace himself. reading it is good -it puts him at ease. even better now that he can read it over time, no longer forced to finish it in one sitting. it had been a shocking discovery, but a good one, when the nurse had wandered in to see sabo starting from where he’d placed the bookmark. he was beginning to retain things better, the doctor said. it was a sign of progress.

it was a welcome one.

ace is fiddling with his phone by the window. he’d started to come in with it more lately, no longer worried about having the blond’s sole attention. sabo could admit he was growing more comfortable in ace’s presence, though it had more to do with the way ace was acting around him, and less so with what he was supposed to be with sabo in the past.

ace’s phone rings and sabo glances up. ace frowns down at it, meets his eyes briefly, and then looks to the door. he sighs after a moment, accepting the call, and moves over to the far corner of the room, not quite leaving, but close. he talks low, and sabo turns his attention back to his book instead of struggling to overhear.

“i don’t sell anymore,” ace says, a little louder, and sabo blinks, finding he hadn’t processed any of what he’d read. he gives up, staring blankly at the pages, and drops the book entirely when ace ends the call.

“what was that about?”

ace has the decency to look contrite, slumping over as he takes a seat in the chair. he waves sabo off, though, not wanting to divulge this -especially with their location.

“you’ll remember eventually,” he mutters.

sabo crosses his arms. “i’d like to remember now.”

ace turns to look up at him, expression pleading. “sabo, you really don’t need to know right now,” he insists. “i’ll tell you some other time, okay?”

sabo huffs. he picks his book back up, and he doesn’t speak to ace for the rest of the night.

-

ace doesn’t come in one morning. 

sabo waits, then chides himself for thinking like that and spends the morning reading.

“no ace yet?” his nurse questions, as she takes his vitals. he shakes his head.

it’s not until sunlight is flooding into his room that sabo realizes he was still expecting the raven to waltz in. he was on the edge of his seat, literally, and he finds himself unable to concentrate on anything the longer he’s left alone.

he goes on a walk instead, pacing one side of the hall several times. he pauses near the middle as he catches wind of a conversation, pressing himself into the shadow of a doorway. 

“it’s a shame, really. he’s getting better, it’s obvious to see.”

“i know, right? even though he’s been here a while, it’s not like he’s fully recovered. such a shame they won’t cover the bills anymore.”

“gotta had some for other patients, i guess. the year’s not over yet. and accidents happen all the time in the snow.”

“did you hear what was happening next?”

“i think social services will pick it up, though i’m not sure. it’s complicated, since he’s not alone.”

“it’s not like he has a place to go, either. those two are so young. they’re not even twenty!”

“it really is awful. i just hope something changes for the better. they don’t deserve to end up back on the streets.”

sabo moves further down the hall, no longer willing to listen. he had a pretty good idea of who they were talking about. it stung, but he got it. he’d gathered enough hints over time, he just hadn’t wanted to form that particular conclusion.

he stands in front of the tall window at the end of the hall until his legs ache. then he trudges back to his room, not stopping for anything, even when one of the nurses calls out to him.

“oh, sabo, there you are! you have a visitor.”

he braces himself before entering the room. no doubt it was the social worker coming to take over his case. 

he’s only pleasantly surprised to find ace waiting for him. just ace.

“you came,” he says, slightly elated. 

ace turns on his rolling chair, smiling wide. “sabo! i was wondering where you were.”

“where i was?” sabo scoffs, though it’s mostly in jest. ace’s attitude is infectious, he finds, moving closer.

ace laughs. “right, sorry. i had some things to take care of today. but you’ll never believe it!” sabo’s close enough now that ace rolling to meet him catches him off-guard, which makes it easier to get knocked off his feet, landing on ace’s legs instead. he grips the pole of the iv stand tight.

his breath is caught as ace wraps his arms around his middle, pulling him closer. “the most amazing thing happened today,” he insists, either unaware of sabo’s growing flustered state or choosing to ignore it. “and i got us a place to stay after you get out!”

the words ground sabo, more than anything. he calms down enough to process it, but instead of being overjoyed, he grows somber. “so it’s true. w-” he bites his lip, unable to continue to speak, and switches words. “i was homeless.” he frowns. “am homeless.”

ace’s arms tense, then loosen, around him. he breathes soft, tickling sabo’s neck. “not exactly,” he murmurs.

“tell me,” sabo pleas.

and he does.

he tells sabo how they spent nights with friends, and then at shelters, when they moved. how ace picked up money here and there, and sabo found odd jobs he could get without a permanent address. how they moved around, until their car broke down here and they’d abandoned it. how things had been tough, but after a bit, they always managed to have a little cash to spare. how they had a place, a really small one, until they got caught up in the accident. and then after that, there hadn’t been anywhere to go back to.

“until now,” ace finishes, pulling sabo closer. “if you want to,” he adds, and this close sabo can detect the waver. 

“i have to get better first.”

“i know that. i meant, like . . after.” ace finishes in a mumble. sabo snorts, shoulders shaking from laughter, and he releases his hand from the pole to grab at ace.

“yeah. i would like that,” he admits.

ace looks up, stars in his eyes. “really?”

“you didn’t think i’d say yes?”

“i was worried you wouldn’t,” ace confesses. “i mean, you still don’t . . . remember everything. anything,” he amends. 

sabo thinks on that for a long time before answering. “i missed you, today,” he starts. “i tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, but it did. you’re right: i don’t remember anything. but i can tell i meant a lot to you. and, uh.” he ducks his head. “you mean a lot to me, now. and not because i knew you before. it’s because . . . well. because of all the things you’ve done for me, since i woke up.”

ace’s lips are clamped, his eyes glassy. it takes him a minute to regain the composure to speak. “even if you don’t remember-” he looks away, unable to hold sabo’s gaze, but he finds it again, before finishing. “it’ll be okay. promise.”

sabo blinks, finding he knew exactly how much that took ace to admit. he starts nodding his head, but finds he doesn’t like the mood, anymore. he smirks down at ace instead. “you sure? what if i end up-”

“nah.” ace shakes his head, laughing again. “you’re stuck with me, now.”

sabo finds, just a little bit unsurprisingly, that he’s okay with that.

-

“ace?”

sabo covers his mouth as he turns to see the nurse in the doorway. ace looks up with an easy grin, laughter dying down. “yeah?”

“the doctor is ready for you, if you’d like your checkup now.”

ace nods. “that would be great. just give me a minute and i’ll be right out.”

the nurse hums in response, sliding the door shut.

ace comes to a stand in a hurry, snaking a hand under sabo’s blanket to leave the half-empty skittles bag hidden there, top twisted shut. sabo snorts, dropping the hand from his mouth, and finally swallows the last of the blue ones. 

“i’ll come back when i’m done!” ace promises, moving to the door. sabo rolls his eyes.

“visitor hours will be over by then.”

“it’ll be quick! or i’ll sneak back in.” he winks. “but you didn’t hear the last part.”

“go,” sabo hums. ace waves on his way out, and sabo rolls his eyes again, but ends up doing the same.

he takes the skittles bag out and begins to unwrap the top, then decides against it and stuffs it under his pillows, instead. the sun is pretty low in the sky, now.

he hadn’t asked ace, he realizes. what the checkup was about. he could garner the basics, but it would be nice to know more.

he puts a hand to his chest, where he can feel the bandages through his shirt. they’d let him see it, the other day, while they were changing it out. even after all this time, it was still mottled with bruises, all in varying shades of colors. some had recurred, from what he’d gathered, but most of them were well on their way to healing.

he wonders if his injury is reflected on ace, or if it would be worse.

before he can vow to ask, he ends up falling asleep. he wakes up and the sun isn’t out, anymore. the light is dim, but it’s artificial. the lamp in the corner, he realizes.

there’s a hand carding through his hair. sabo makes a noise, turns his face up, and it stops.

“hey,” ace says, softly. “i didn’t mean to wake you.”

“you’re back,” sabo murmurs. 

“i told you i would be.”

“you did.” sabo blinks, trying to shake off sleep as he works to sit up, eventually settling on his elbows. “how did it go?”

“pretty good.” ace waves him off. “no issues.”

“what is it?”

ace wants to clam up, but he feigns ignorance instead, knowing sabo would catch it. “what’s what?”

sabo sits up further. “your injury. you said it was better than mine, but . .”

“oh. uh.” ace turns away, tilts his head back. “are you sure-”

“i’m sure,” sabo says, sat up all the way, now. he crosses his legs, leans closer. “if i can’t know about mine . . i’d like to know about yours.”

“yeah,” ace breathes. “okay.”

he shrugs his coat off, then tugs his shirt up, off, and over his shoulders. he no longer has the wrap on, so the damage is laid clear before sabo’s eyes. ace moves a hand over everything, explaining.

“i was stabbed in the lung.” he shrugs off sabo’s incredulous expression, pointing to a thick scar. “it wasn’t serious or anything. sounds a whole lot worse than it was. most of the damage came from a few ribs i cracked -that certainly made breathing a bitch. the rest is just bruising, though it’s mostly lower on my ribcage.”

sabo’s lips downturn. “how were you literally stabbed and i had it worse?”

ace reaches up to tap the side of his own head. sabo blinks.

“oh.”

“really, sab, i’m fine. i’m just glad you’re fine. i’m glad you’re alive.” he shrugs, working his shirt back on. “at least those guys aren’t.”

“they’re dead?” sabo utters, expression open. 

“yeah. some gang managed to break in, wanted revenge for something, i didn’t catch it all. anyway, we obviously weren’t with them, so we were left alone.” ace huffs out a hollow laugh. “though, that also meant they didn’t call for medical help. had to do that myself.” he drapes the coat over his back and tugs his arms through the sleeves. “anyway, it’s all over now. you don’t have to worry about any of it.”

sabo wonders, not for the first time, how ace manages to imply so much without actually revealing anything. he’s ripped from that thought as ace stands back up, eyeing the height of the moon through the window before moving to close the blinds.

“gotta go,” he says, waving to the door. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“yeah.” sabo leans back, only now aware of how tired he is. “see you.”

-

a man comes in with ace one day. he introduces himself, but sabo doesn’t bother to commit the name to memory. he’s a social worker, says he’s helping ace find a job. a real job, he specifies, and sabo isn’t sure if there’s an implication he’s supposed to get. ace looks disgruntled by the jab, but he doesn’t argue it.

“well, sabo, it appears you’ve entered a peculiar period in your recovery.” he folds his hands in his lap. “in short, the hospital is no longer willing to pay your expenses. they’ve passed the bill over to us.” he gestures to himself only as he says this, but sabo is still nervous. until his next words, that is. “you don’t need to worry about paying anything back. we’ll take it from here until you’ve recovered. all i ask is that you give your very best effort to the things i tell you to try. that sound good?”

“yeah. sounds good.” sabo hesitates for a moment, then adds on “thank you.”

“you’re welcome.” he smiles. “there’s no need to thank me, though. this is my job.”

sabo shrugs. “still.”

“well, i appreciate the sentiment. ace has told me about your amnesia. the surgery you underwent was a tricky one, it seems. according to the staff, you seem to have almost healed up, physically. you haven’t appeared to regress any, on that account. and your anterograde amnesia is pretty much nonexistent. if you’re willing to progress, there are some options for you.”

sabo isn’t sure how to reply. he must sense that, because he offers something else.

“on that note, have you thought about undergoing any exercises to help recall your memory?”

“i guess i hadn’t thought that was an option.”

“it most certainly is on the table, if you would like to try it,” he offers.

sabo doesn’t even have to think about it. “that sounds great.”

“glad to hear it.”

-

sabo gets the bandages around both arms removed early one week. it’s weird at first, having the skin so exposed to the air. the scars aren’t pretty, either, despite how well the tissue had healed in light of his constant picking at them. he grows self-conscious about it before too long, and takes to draping the loose blanket over his shoulders whenever he’s in the room, pulling it down so it hung over both arms and left his hands free to do tasks.

the first day ace writes it off, but the second he chalks it up to temperature and shrugs off his jacket to throw it around sabo’s shoulders instead, pulling the blanket down to his lap. 

sabo blinks a few times, startled into silence by the gesture. it’s not until ace moves back to his chair that he reaches up to pull the jacket closer, basking in the comfort it offered. 

“thank you,” he says, pulling his arms through the soft sleeves. the cuffs came down to his fingers, but they were stretchy, so he didn’t mind.

ace shrugs, glancing out the window. “it’s getting colder, now that the new year has passed,” he notes. “snowing more, too. if you get cold, you should tell someone. they’ll do something about it.”

“oh.” sabo bites down on his lip to keep from huffing out a laugh. “yeah, sure. i’ll remember that.” he tugs the cuffs further over his hands, then fusses with the blanket thrown over his legs. even if ace did misunderstand, the intention was nice.

he takes the jacket back before he leaves, ushered out by the staff after visitor hours had ended for the night. sabo wraps himself in the blanket and pulls the sheets over his legs. his fingers dig into his arms, press against the raised scar tissue.

ace comes back early the next morning and throws his jacket around sabo before doing anything else. he leans close to adjust it, and for once, sabo sits calmly and lets him do it. it’s not until he’s pulling on sabo’s arm, skin pressed into the space around his scar, that sabo reacts. it’s entirely unintentional, but his heart stutters and his chest stops moving and ace notices, of course he does, pausing to loosen his grip.

and then, as if it clicks, he slides his hand around until his thumb traces the scar line. sabo sucks in a breath and ace puts one leg on the bed to slide closer, grabbing both of sabo’s arms, now.

“you’re okay,” he murmurs, face close but eyes on sabo’s injuries. sabo lifts his own from where ace is smoothing his skin to gaze into clear grey. the nearness doesn’t escape him.

ace glances up, just an instant, just enough to catch sabo staring. he sucks in a deep breath, stills his hands to grip just a little harder, and leans forward to press his forehead to sabo’s. his eyes are trained on the blond’s mint gown. “you don’t like seeing them,” he voices.

“no,” sabo replies, after a moment. his pitch is unsteady. 

“i’m sorry i-”

“it’s okay,” sabo tells him, barely above a whisper. “you helped. thank you.”

ace pulls back, and then he’s slowly pulling sabo’s arms through the sleeves of his jacket, until the whole thing hung loose on his thin frame. ace bites on his lip, tries not to think about how much weight sabo had lost here, tries not to think about how he can’t solve the problem, because there’s no clear solution to scars, and no right answer to give to reminders of pain.

it’s snowing when ace has to leave. sabo tugs the jacket off and gives it back, unwilling to let him go without it on underneath his coat. he pulls the blanket around him and tries not to think about how nice it would be to hold onto it. 

ace doesn’t know what to think. sabo hadn’t shied away from the rope burns on his ankles, or the thick cuts on his hands, or the gash on his cheek from the last bandaid to have come off. he’d seen the bruising on his chest without giving rise to panic, and made peace with the welt above his collarbone. so what is it about this one that had him so worked up? 

ace stops short as the elevator dings and doesn’t move to exit when the doors open. was it that he was associating subconscious feelings with the scars? maybe he couldn’t recall the event, but were the emotions from that day slowly starting to come back?

the doors close and ace jerks a hand out to catch them, digging his phone out as he passes through. 

-

“here!”

sabo’s face scrunches as he inspects the simple package thrust at him. his forehead creases, and it’s visible, for once. it no longer hurts, either, which is why his headwrap was finally removed. 

“okay,” he mutters, letting the package fall into his hands. he flexes his fingers to push the jacket cuffs to his wrists, then pushes the box open. inside is a mass of dark blue fabric.

sabo blinks, the creases leaving his face, and looks up at ace. “what’s this for?” he reaches in to bury his fingers into the plush knit, pulling it out and unfurling it as ace replies.

“well, your head is better. at least, the front part is, so i thought we could celebrate.” ace chews on his lip as sabo lifts the scarf. “here, let me.” he climbs onto the edge of the bed and takes the scarf from sabo’s hands, not sure why he’s nervous but feeling this incredible need to do the task himself. he loops the scarf and moves it over sabo’s head, careful to avoid the back of his skull as he pulls it down, loops it again, and ties it at the back. he’d been half right: the front part of sabo’s skull, where his brain had impacted, was completely healed. but he’d suffered a major injury on the back, and it was still sensitive there, from what he’d gathered. ace is very careful as he ties the scarf off, then sinks back on his knees, stomach settling when he takes the view in.

sabo is looking down at the scarf, one hand reached up to rub the knit between his fingerpads. “that was quick notice,” he mutters.

“i told you i would bring you something blue before you left the hospital.”

“i’m not leaving toda-” sabo pauses, mouth open. “you did?”

“you probably don’t remember,” ace offers with a sigh.

sabo’s lips tremble. “i’m so-”

“no, please don’t!” ace insists. “it was- i mean, i told you while you still had short-term memory. it was my fault.” he shrugs. “it was more like a vow to myself, if anything.”

“okay,” sabo says, moving over the syllables slowly. “it’s nice.” he drops his hand. “thank you.”

“is the color okay? i tried to get one dark enough-”

“it’s fine,” sabo interrupts, eyes lidding. “seriously. thank you.”

ace opens his mouth again, but no words come out as he walks himself through the facts. sabo waits patiently, setting the empty box aside. he leans back against the pillows, tugging the knot to the side so that it didn’t rest right on his neck. ace works through everything and comes to a slow realization. 

“your favorite color was navy,” he says. “before . .” he doesn’t finish. “it’s not anymore.”

sabo turns his eyes away, down to his lap, where he’s unconsciously brushing a thumb over the jacket cuff. he moves away from the dark red to the bright, saturated ruddy of ace’s coat. “no, it’s not.”

ace really doesn’t know how to feel, and sabo interrupts his inner turmoil with a question before he can get sucked too far into it.

“is that okay?” he does his best to smile when ace’s eyes turn on him. “if i change . . will that be okay?”

ace snaps himself out of it the instant he realizes how fragile sabo’s expression has become. he doesn’t know what compels him to do it, but he’s suddenly leaning close to sabo, both hands gentle on the sides of his face. sabo’s eyes are wide, and then ace is kissing him.

he makes a noise and ace jerks back, hands falling away. “sorry!” he apologizes. “i- sorry, god, i’m sorry, i don’t know what-”

“it’s okay.” sabo’s voice is quiet. ace drops his arms from when he’d been scrubbing his face, hair now a mess. sabo isn’t looking at him. “it’s okay, really,” he says again, but the tension hasn’t left his shoulders, and ace needs a distraction before he screws up more.

he raises his fingers to form a frame, sabo’s head in the middle. “you still look the best in blue,” he says, willing to ignore the waver in his voice. “way better than the green they stuck you in.”

sabo snorts, and slowly, the earlier mood begins to unravel. he forces himself to relax. “i’ll take your word for it.”

“do. it’s fact.”

“because everything you say is always true.”

ace sobers at this. “it is.” he waits until sabo is focused on him. “with you. ever since you woke up.”

sabo has to swallow before he can answer. there’s still a bob in his throat, just like there’s still a phantom feeling of chapped lips on his own. he manages to speak through them. “i know. it’s why i decided to start trusting you.” he reaches forward and ace reads his intention, catches his hands in his own. “you’ve been here,” he almost breathes, voice very quiet. “even when i didn’t want you to be.” he pauses when his voice cracks, taking a moment to collect himself. “you never left, and you never lied, and you never let me forget you were supporting me.” he squeezes, and ace squeezes back. “and i’m sorry, that my memory went away. but i’m here, right here, and i care about you now. and i won’t let anything change that.” he smiles, his next inhale shaky. “and i know you won’t, either.”

ace can’t help when the tears run down his cheeks. he doesn’t move to stop them, only sniffling, and bringing their joined hands to his chest, and then bending forward again, gathering courage.

sabo moves his head off the pillows to meet him.

-

sabo’s assigned social worker interrupts ace’s excited rambling to politely ask him to leave the room. sabo’s smile falls when it becomes just the two of them. he’d never been able to read this one, though that might have more to do with him being the first outsider sabo had met. his social circle had been restricted to the hospital staff that attended to him, and ace. even if sabo had been proficient at reading people in the past, his limited interaction had taken some sort of toll.

“sorry, he didn’t do anything wrong,” his caseworker assures him, sensing the animosity. “he’s been very assertive, though, and i haven’t had the chance to ask your opinion.” he leans forward in his seat. “do you want to go with ace? there are other options, if you decide you’d be better off apart.”

sabo takes a minute to process this. he knows it’s only being asked out of concern, but his first intention is to take it the wrong way. he works to settle himself, and then figure out a rational response.

“i think,” he begins, “that. even if i can’t be sure ace isn’t fabricating the whole thing, it feels wrong to assume that, now. and it feels right to be with him. i only have his word to go off of, yes. but i can tell we’re meant to be together.” he shrugs. “i- i know that doesn’t sound very convincing, and maybe i’m not fully convinced myself, but i’ve been having these feelings, and the doctor said that even if the memory associated with it doesn’t return, the emotions that surface are still real.” sabo stops before he can ramble too much in that direction, looking back up. “i do want to go with him.”

“you’ve convinced me,” he hums. “even if you haven’t fully convinced yourself.” he leans back. “one more question.”

“okay?”

“are you sure you still want to remember?”

again, sabo takes some time to organize his thoughts. he comes to a conclusion that is startlingly succinct. “whatever happened before, i promised i wouldn’t stop caring about him. i’m not willing to hold myself back on that regard.”

his caseworker smiles. “works for me. how about we start psychotherapy monday?”

part 2 | notes

[memory-hoarder]

WARNING (LONG POST AHEAD)

I turn off the lights, scrolled my phone and clicked the Spotify app currently listening to (calming acoustic) 10: 05 PM, best time to unleashed all emotions that piled up from nowhere. I covered myself with a huge blanket and placed the laptop on my lap and decided to visit my page. I know, I'm being inactive lately but I'm doing my best to update my journal publicly to remind me of my long absences.

Tonight, I decided to post the questions I received a night before my birthday celebrated. I kept this on my file for a month now. Admittedly, this is the huge decision I made on my birthday. So, I asked a random people on my messenger lists - some are my work colleagues while others are acquaintances. At first, I am hesitant to ask for favor to anyone but I did. Well, I guess it was successful though I received different reactions - some confused and thought I was making fun while others are game on to sent their questions. Obviously, it took days for me to answered cos it turns out that I wasn't prepared myself for few questions that somehow affects me literally.

The twist here is I am not allow to send my answer to their questions. However, I can answer it through this journal. Which I described as bravery.

Here are some of the questions:

How’s Life? How’s Life?

A question that been asked me twice. Well, this year was the great sadness of my life that challenged me mentally, emotionally and drained me physically. Sometimes a mere struggle on financially. I’m doing fine but lots of times I seriously breaking down especially the trauma of what happened 8 months ago. But today, I accepted the fact and slowly healing me and appreciate what really God’s intention and plan for my life.

Are you happy right now?

Not sure how to put it into words but there is no reason not to be happy. Right? If you just appreciate the life you are living right now or even the smallest thing that makes you smile or giggle I guess there is no reason to be sad at all. Although, lots of times I felt happy, sad, angry or lost. But there are still lots of reasons to celebrate or be joyful too. I juts let myself felt all the emotions that life wanted me to experienced to remind me that I indeed exist. There are people who could bring me joy and sadness at the same time but all I know they are all part of my journey.

Have you ever missed me before we lost our communication? Do you consider me as true friend?

Of course, I do. I miss the old you the person who I genuinely treasured during my college days. And, you are one of the reasons why I indeed survived college. I just don’t understand why we both let this friendship died. Was it because we no longer catch up? But, how I hope building friendship again will no longer hard as I imagined. But, please know that you became part of my story. I always count on you whenever I am sad and confused. I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts because I know you will never judge me. Hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself!

Why there are times you don’t have the mood to talk?

Because, I read my surroundings and I feel comfortable being alone not to isolate but to process my own thoughts with myself which my normal thing growing up and I choose this way - became aloof at times not wanted to talk to anyone or go out. It makes me sad to think only few understand my personality. However, I can't just normalize this because of extrovert people I knew. I don’t have mood to talk and I push away people closed to me because I find a happy place being alone. Its not sad or dark what it gives me is peace of mind that no on can offer.

Would you like to change your past or stay on your present path? Why and why not?

I believed majority will choose the past, we all wanted to change one thing that we regret of doing - apologies, goodbye's, places to travel, opportunities we must have and other important things we slip away that is why I choose the past over my present. One thing I am eager to experience all over again is my mom's precious life, only if I had the power to bring her back. I was just 16 years old when she died, and I think the years of her being a mother to us will never be enough. However, her life is a blessing and all the valuable teachings that she imparted on me and to my siblings will remain on us forever. How I wish for her to at least see as growing up especially my brother that she spoiled a lot, and for us to give back all the things she deserved. I imagined date her on a restaurant, buy her clothes, treat her to the salon or accompany her on the grocery store. I also wanted to visit the past to catch up with my high school friends – Mira and Jeno, I will never forget how they literally brings me deep joy and the reason I am early bird during junior high because of the dare. I just missed the sound of Jeno's sense of humor, I treated her more than a friend rather a sister and it broke me when I received the news that he's gone. I was not there for him nor visit his and mom's grave for years now. I wanted to comfort Mira, but I am too far away and impossible to have my own money for my flight expenses. What I did is to cried and prayed for his soul. All of the good memories flashed back once more yet I realized God might took away two beautiful souls in my life but I am confident they watching over and guiding me through life.

I am or was curious regarding James situation, did it ever cross your mind you regret James being your boyfriend?

In all of the questions I received this one hits me hard to the core. For everyone’s knowledge James and I are in a relationship for over 4 years now. Just like other couples we did fight over little things yet we matured and grow together. One thing I really loved about James Charlie is how kind and pure his heart. He helps people as long as he can even himself are struggling to live. Not to mention his over confidence that I am jealous of. I guess, because of how friendly and inviting his amour. Also, a talented one he knows how to dance, sing and imitate different kinds of sounds, He’s grammar and vocabulary are lit. He can also play guitar very well, draw portrait’s and even writing a poems. He knew, he won my heart through his creative abilities. I was also surprised how he interested over history of aliens, bermuda triangle, mermaids and what I consistently heard of the Pyramid of Giza, life documentaries and other related history of it. I find him sexy whenever he talked about some of it. Our age gap is never an issue on our relationship and I am lucky that he guided me on everything, considered my opinions or thoughts and when I freaked out badly which occasionally happened he handle me perfectly and I appreciated his temperament level during my anxiety attacks or whenever I choose to isolate myself him being shut off. He understood me in my own terms and be myself. Yet relationship will test your loved from one another, there were also things that I don’t like of him doing however James does listened to me. He listens to advises either coming from me or from other people that cared for him. He is a vocal person, that one thing that I fall for him is his sense of humor. I guess talkative and being clingy towards person is his nature especially growing up in a broken family. Consistent communication is a key. I remembered he told me that I was different to all the girls she dated on his past life. That I am out of his league, he doesn’t know that he is of out my league too but when I know him deeply he taught me lessons in life and felt his warm love. Over the course of our relationship he respect the limitless of our love language and he accepted and understood the love without intimacy is a different level of love and respect and from his perspective I wanted everyone to know that James has a huge respect towards me, my beliefs and reasons. How someone could wait for something that he can easily took away something on his past relationship. Our relationship is somehow changed us individually into a better person. Getting older, he became dreamer and goal oriented. I witnessed all his hard work, that he celebrated through silence. He wanted to build home and think of small business that will be our retirement in the future. How many kids we wanted or how many dogs we will going to breed. I guess, some people misunderstood James for so long, how miserable life that no one to talk and curse during your victories or failures? Friends and addiction in alcohol and other stuff are his way of escaped, escape from the reality that lead him to take his own precious life once. I know how difficult life for him way back on his early 20’s that he fought all his battle alone and how he overcome his depression and addiction without someone to lean on. And nowadays, everything makes sense to me that I realize being independent sometimes is not a choice but more on a decision. decision and accepting no one will guide you through your journey so you have to do it alone either it brings you sadness or happiness in a process, not to count living alone and make money all by yourself. I agreed he might do bad decision in life but that doesn’t mean his life has no purpose at all. Instead, God is confident that he will win this battle not for everyone, not for the sake of me or our relationship but for himself. As for our current situation, I know being with him and fight through the end will inspired him a lot. Yes, he currently working on his self and will prove to everyone when the time comes that he will be able to regain his new

life and continue living.

We introverts, tend to think a lot, like really overthink a lot. What do you mostly overthink and how deep? Deep, like does it leads you to think more negatively resulting to depression? (mild depression, maybe).

I overthink some scenarios on my head when it really affects my whole being and when every time I think of it, obviously it trigger my anxiety not depression I guess. I can recall one or two hard situations that happened to me, and I know it wasn’t me trying to act that way. I even punished myself and literally breakdown trying to hurt myself, call me freak or whatever cos now I asked myself too how I even allowed myself to did terrible things, because anxiety creeping on me and telling me to do it. But, mostly I think of is my future and myself – deep that it scared me a lot. I have lot of questions of this world that I keep on searching by myself until now.

Why it took for you to share your problems?

Honestly, when I’m having a serious problem I am not confident to share to anybody except to my family who already knew. It took too long because advises no longer work for me, I listened because it was normal people do – advise and advise. Maybe, it was me who are picky to share my problem with, sometimes people listened but never in heart. Not all people deserve to know your struggle and during your lowest times, I have my own terms of coping so you do.

How do you maintain your petite body? If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Wow! I never see this coming. Well, I guess being fit is what I inherited on my father's side. They not so fat unlike on my mother's side. I have no limit on foods I intake in other words not your discipline person to look up to. I do eat carbs, junk foods and sodas is always on my list. I never worried if I am physically fit aside from walking Maxine during days off. I don't know how do I maintain this body I guess I'm never. Being fit actually is my insecurity. However, I do loved my body whatever what happen.

Well, if I had 3 wishes in life - first, to end this pandemic so that everything will back to normal. second, for James to have peace of mind and good health while waiting for the process of his case. And, lastly, for me to be strong, lasting patience and strong faith.

How would you solve your problems?

Problems is always part of lives. But, I believed it is always about the degree of the problem. Whenever, I had problem sometimes I resolved it in time but other times I need more time and space to think what will be the resort of it. And, pray for some guidance.

As independent being, how do you handle depression and anxiety?

Good thing to end all of this questions, I became independent when I graduated from college. I have to commute 131 kilometers back and forth from another city just to apply on my first job and the process is never easy at all. When you sent all of your applications form on each companies but never accepted It brought so much sadness, one point of my life I am eager to seek job because I used it as my coping mechanism to walked away from home which I did now, I walked away to protect my peace of mind especially having anxiety growing up and having this thing is hard as people imagined. You might only see darkness and feel of losing but for me, I guess for a year now I handled myself perfectly I never allow this condition to swallow me whole and affect my way of living. I reminded myself to keep strong and remain optimist and always protect my peace of mind at all cost.

.

I am 24 now strong and happy and leaving Haruki Murakami quote: "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what storms all about"

[windup-dragoon]

【Ｇｏｄｄｅｓｓ】

Word Count: 5033

Hien x Kiri 

[[ Water Goddess AU ]] 

Waterlilies 

Drifting. Silence. Shadows. 

She hates it here. It feels empty yet her stomach churns and her heart aches. 

Helpless. Lost. Alone. 

She yearns for the days of color. The sounds of daily life to fill her ears. A sweet song she wasn’t aware existed ‘til now. 

This world, so bleak and abysmal. It would swallow her one day but she prays that it will not be so soon. She begs the powers that be to listen to her silent plea. To rescue her from the darkness that stretches so eagerly towards her. Reaching, always searching. 

And then there is light. Strings that glitter and ripple; a web of fractured light and curtains falling across her face in swaths of warmth and life. She recognizes the patterns and is filled with relief. 

Drifting. Silence. Light. Hope. 

She exists beneath the waves, the womb of all life. It is here that she feels safe and yet her heart yearns for more. The ocean is vast and full of life... yet she is alone. Beneath the tides, between worlds of light and darkness, life and death... she mourns her loss. 

It was beginning to feel as if the young prince may never see his goddess again. Hours gave way to full night and day rotations, so many that he dare not ask again for a count or suffer more ache in his chest than he could bear. Soroban, the Kojin who haunted the sunken library was his only form of company and even then the grand old tortoise mused at how impatient men could be. And while he did make an effort to speak with Leviathan, the great beast only spoke in a melody he was unable to comprehend and the occasional unsatisfied hiss. 

“It is bewildering,” Remarked the prince one afternoon (or perhaps morning?) while thumbing through pages of century old books, taking pause to admire drawings or squinting at passages his eyes could not make heads nor tails of. “Why would a goddess have need for such a collection?” 

Soroban, nose buried in a book of his own choosing, chuckled. “Collection?” 

“Aye,” He nods in affirmation, his jaw set while re-shelving the old leather bound tome where he had found it. “While most, or at least a grand majority, belong to this forgotten civilization; written in a language I do not recognize, there are still few that I can discern. Children’s books of fairy tales and ship logs. Are these all belongings she has plundered?” 

Upon his first evening spent in the library, when Soroban ushered him to a bedroom to rest, he had made his first of many discoveries about the sea goddess. The bedroom, perhaps once a study room for scholars to read in peace, had been decorated with tattered but fine silk curtains; the bedding salvaged pelts most certainly crafted from creatures on land and not of the sea. Even the garments he was gifted to replace his water logged garb seemed out of place. A collection of lost treasure. 

Night after night he returned to rest among the familiarity of land culture, comforted by the portraits of long since gone people, staring up at a ceiling which had been decorated with jewels that mimicked a night sky when the candles burned low. And when he roused from slumber, the anxious feeling in his stomach waking him with concern for the goddess, he found ways to distract himself, namely picking through a personal shelf of assorted books and regarding their contents. 

He had half expected the written text to be in a language he did not know, as all the other tomes that filled the library, but to his surprise, the prince was greeted with characters he could recognize at a mere glance! Small books, the leather soft from usage, were often ship logs or other such documents. Occasionally he stumbled across books with only beautiful ink drawings on each gilded page. All spanning from depictions of a ships mechanism to more fanciful things like pixies dancing, painted in the most vivid colors he had ever seen. 

But only one book in particular caught his attention. After discovering it, tucked away beneath the bedding he had slept upon, he could only laugh. A book on how to dance. He found it humorous that it had taken several nights and several days to realize just who the bedroom belonged to. 

“As a prince, ya’ have’ta attend parties, yea?” She had inquired one evening after swearing an oath to him. He remembered it so well, the night sky caught in her eyes as the ship cut silently through the still tide. 

The question had taken him by surprise but he answered with a grin. “Aye. Lavish parties with horribly uncomfortable attires and even worse company. It’s all formality and severely unappealing. Why do you ask?” 

“Parties are suppose’ta be fun. Ya’ must be doin’ it wrong.” The goddess laughed but not her typical bark of laughter. This was soft, amused and interested. 

Hien leaned further on the banister and tilted his head in hopes of catching a glimpse of her smile. “Oh? And what part do you believe should be fun? Sure, the wine and food are not always bad but beyond that, I am afraid I do not see what fun there is to be had.” 

It was then that she turned to him, stars aglow in her eyes and moonlight tangled in her hair. All at once he had forgotten that the woman standing before him was a Goddess; she almost seemed childlike as she graced him with a smile. “What ‘bout dancin’? And the music!” 

If only he had been wiser, he thought now with a chuckle. He might have noticed sooner her deep seeded curiosity for the world outside her own. 

Soroban, setting aside his book at long last, lifted darkened eyes to the young prince. Beside him sat a heap of untouched books, taken from various nooks and levels of the library; Hien had witnessed it himself as Soroban climbed creaky wooden ladders to pluck books at random from their shelves and bring them here to add to his growing collection. It was from this very pile that the Kojin now sifted through. 

Hien curiously turned to watch, abandoning whatever spine of a tome he had been trying to pronounce for the last couple minutes. A soft hum and a nod later Soroban offers the prince a plain looking book. The cover had been lost or removed, now bound only with corded leather, the pages soft from wear. 

“I pray I can read this,” Hien mused with a chuckle as he graciously accepted the book. It was small in size and only a couple dozen pages long. 

“Perhaps if you try hard enough?” Soroban returned with a laugh of his own. Hien couldn’t help but to feel this was a ruse to keep the prince busy so the Kojin could continue his studies in peace. “Take a candle with you, there’s an alcove on the first floor with another book for you to reference there.” 

The prince smiled and thanked Soroban with a bow before doing as he was directed. He was most certainly being gotten rid of. 

For all the days spent wandering the library with Soroban, Hien could still only scarcely manage the vast layout of the building. Several floors high it rose, a literal tower on the ocean floor. Each tier circled around the entrance, overlooking the fountain and the glittering jeweled motifs of Leviathan. Every floor had its own small pocket chambers; some filled with long since withered plants, perhaps a garden for scholars to read within? Others, Hien had discovered out of pure curiosity, had been repurposed for various reasons; more hidden treasures like scavenged ballgowns and small ornate chests filled with romantic jewelry for high class citizens; another a storage for spices plundered from trading ships. But none had been the alcove Soroban made mention of. But then again... 

Hien leaned on the marble banister, unafraid of the dust that now caked the front pocket of his borrowed clothing; he was still three floors too high. His legs ached from trudging down staircase after staircase, in some cases having to shimmy across broken ledges where wooden stairs had rotted away from the moisture. Giving himself a moment of peace, the prince looked once more to the foyer of the library, sunken as it was. 

He often found himself staring at the fountain from which ever floor he currently resided on. Water still babbled from the statues vase, casting ripples across the water at her feet. No matter how he stared, no matter the angle or the distance between the fountain and himself, he still had yet to see the goddess sleeping beneath the surface, blanketed in lily pads and an array of colorful blossoming lilies. Some days he would count the hours sitting at the ledge, humming songs to comfort himself and the slumbering goddess. But his only audience, who did enjoy listening, was Leviathan. 

Even now, Hien glancing from the fountain to observe the snake like beast, Leviathan rested its massive head upon the broken stonework of the library floor. An eel peering out of its cavern. Beast or no, the prince couldn’t help but notice the almost melancholy air that it held as it stared unflinchingly at the fountain. 

“Your loyalty to her is admirable, my friend.” 

He could admit he felt the same. While Soroban was hopeful that she would awaken at any time, his own patience was wearing thin. He wanted to see her again. To hear her. Even if she was making demands of him or rolling with laughter; anything to fill this deafening silence. 

His heart ached in his chest, hollow and cold at rising thoughts of what might yet come. She may never wake. And if that were to happen, what next? Would the crowned prince of Garlemald be announced as victorious? Or his female companion? Ah, the world has he knew it would be in trouble if Garlemald had some how possessed her powers over the sea. 

Ice shot through his veins. His country, his people, without their prince, what would become of them? Trapped in this library beneath the sea until his dying hours; forsaking the very thing he sought to protect with the blessing of the goddess. His throat tightened, mouth dry. So much to worry about, yet here he was, following orders from a tortoise. 

“...A good read should clear my head....” 

- - - 

Once upon a time, there was a city on the cliffs by the sea. The people of this city, so fond of the sea, swore loyalty to the tide mother; she who controlled the oceans with a sigh. To the goddess they prayed for safe voyages, for loved ones to return home safely, and for a bountiful catch that would sustain throughout their days. Together the goddess and her people lived in harmony. 

But one day a man arrived to the small town. He spoke of inventions and curious things! Metal shaped by fire! Ships that sailed among the clouds and birds! The town folk were enchanted by such curiosities. While they still cherished their goddess, the man began to spill poison in their ears. 

‘What of this unseen goddess? Has none seen her? Do any commune with her? If she exists, would she not want to smile upon her loyal followers?’ 

It took time and careful wording, but the poison the man brought with him began to spread. 

‘You pray that ships return safely, yet not all come home! Your goddess is no more than a fickle witch toying with you!’ 

In time her statues were torn down and cast into the sea. Saddened by her peoples distrust, the goddess wept. A full year passed with naught but storms and angry currents, true to the goddess’ pain. 

The poisonous man angry at the goddess for slowing his products arriving to town with her tantrum, spoke up once more. 

‘This is no more than curse upon your city. How could a loving goddess hurt you all so?’ 

The towns folk murmured, once again shunning their goddess. How could she have forsaken them? 

Angry, the goddess did as the poisonous snake suggested. With her powers she gave the town a curse. Second born daughters would be born in her image, as she was the second goddess given form. The city would look upon their daughters and see her in them. 

She would not be forgotten. 

- - - 

Water arched around her as she broke the surface, shimmering diamonds falling against torchlight. She parted her lips, sucking in stale but familiar air, filling her senses with the scent of the library. It was as if returning home at long last, warmth filling her chest to near bursting. Beads of water caught in her eyelashes, cascading down the crest of her cheekbones. Eyes of scarlet and sapphire opened at long last, greeted by a rainbow of lilies. 

She was alive. 

A delighted sound echoed around her in the cavernous library entrance. The sound mimicked that of whales singing in the depths, low pitched to high in a single breath. It was a melody she would recognize anywhere and had her eyes shooting up from the fountain’s water in a heartbeat. 

“Levi, did’ja miss me?” She called in return while leaning on the lip of the stonework fountain. Yalms separated them, but it was hard to miss the tilt in Leviathan’s head or the glossy admiration that filled his massive scarlet eyes. Another song graced the foyer, echoing softly off the stone walls and rising all the way to the top tier of the library. Still singing, Leviathan sunk beneath the water and out of sight of the goddess, no doubt eager to stretch now that his master was sorted out. 

She gave a lazy wave goodbye, regardless of the fact that Levi had already departed, then laid her cheek to the cold stone that returned her life. 

“Missed you too, ya’ overgrown noodle.” 

- - - 

“Soroban? Where in the hells are ya’?” Her voice filled the corridors as she barked the Kojin’s name again and again. It had been a trial in of itself to rise from her watery bed, her body aching in places that shouldn’t even exist. And then there was the added weight that slowed her down. 

It came as a distinct slapping of something wet against stone. Kiri, Goddess of the Ocean, had emerged from her pool reborn. With her ruined and bloody attire abandoned at the fountain she strode forth, her goddess form nearly luminescent in the unlit spots of the library.  Her flesh shimmered with an opalescence unlike any time before, a faint shimmering of scales that traced her curved outline. If one did not look closely, it could easily have been mistaken for powder worn by prosperous women looking to catch eyes. Her hair tumbled down beyond her shoulders, spilling to the floor in a curtain of moonlight silver. Like a slug she left behind a trail of water, not only still pouring off from such long locks, but from a tail too long and heavy for her to hold up off the floor while out of water. 

“Soroban???” She called again, a slight growl rising in her tone. 

Many questions had begun to bubble in her mind now that she was awake and conscious enough to consider them. How many days had passed? Had anything else happened while she was away? And what of the prince? Or those goons who hunted her like prey? But oh... the thought of a certain young man had caused her questions to halt abruptly. 

She recalled the pained look on his face as she laughed her injury off as if it were merely a scratch. That golden ichor hadn’t poured from beneath her rib and stained her coat. It felt like only moments had truly passed since then; his voice still rough in her ear as he begged her to stay awake. The drumming of his heart pounding against her temple.... 

Kiri blinked when she realized she had completely stopped walking, too absorbed in such a brief but intense memory. Her own heart was a flutter beneath her breast, oddly nervous and hesitant to continue on. 

What of the prince? Did he return to the surface? To his countrymen? 

Surely he must have. Only an idiot would stay when you had a kingdom waiting for you. 

... So why did it hurt? Who now would she ask about the world on land? Who should tell her the way a garden smells after a spring rain? Or how birds sing in choirs in the forest when the air is gently sweeping the boughs. Her chest tightened and eyes began to sting. 

“Soroban!!” 

“Kiri?” 

A voice echoed from the corridor she had yet to traverse. Her eyes wide and hands trembling, she spied a flicker of light and chased it. She needed reality more than ever now. She needed Soroban’s guidance and wisdom to remind her that the thing beating in her chest wasn’t to be trusted. That as a goddess, such treasured feelings should be discarded. A grim reminder that the ocean floor is desolate and lonely; and it was her kingdom. 

Light began to flood the corridor, her own radiance growing as she ran. 

The alcove with a candlelight flicker came into view and she came to a sudden stop, narrowly avoiding slipping on her own two feet. 

Miscolored eyes searched the alcove, narrowing at the sight that greeted her. “Soroban, the hells-” 

There was a clatter in the alcove; a book falling to the floor with a definite thump against the stone. 

Soroban chuckled, sitting at a small desk inside the carved out nook and paging through a time worn journal. “Oh dear,” 

But it wasn’t Soroban that had the goddess cursing. 

An awestruck prince, not even aware that he had dropped his book, gaped at the goddess with a slack jaw and warm eyes wide. 

Her heart swelled and sang and thundered in her chest all at once, only visible by a small twitch at the corner of her lips. Yet she managed to compose herself, completely disregarding her lack of attire at the given moment. “What’s he doin’ here?” She demanded with a cocked brow. 

Soroban hummed as he shrugged. “It would seem he is gawking.” 

“I-I am most certainly not gawking!” Hien stammered with averted eyes, kneeling now to fetch his discarded book. 

“Catfish got’cha tongue, pretty boy?” Kiri mused and crossed her arms with a definitely-not-on-purpose sway of her hips. 

“T-Tch! I thought you dead yet you rise to mock me.” 

The goddess flashed a grin, proud to recognize the color blossoming along his cheekbones. 

“And with added accessories, I should note.” Allowing himself a moments glance, Hien gestured vaguely to the goddess and her current form. 

Her tail, mostly hidden beneath a waterfall of silvery hair, slapped the stone with a wet smack. The small fins along her hips and ears fanned out, stretching and collapsing against her skin. Having such attachments had often been a burden to her in the past; she resembled no ancestry that walked the land, making it difficult to hide on the very rare occasions she met with sailors before they washed ashore from a shipwreck. But seeing the prince have such a reaction, his failed attempt not to look, made her grin a cheshire’s grin. 

“Part of the job. I get submerged in sea water, this is the end result.” As if to punctuate this fact, she lifted her tail once more to slap the floor at her feet. 

“Mayhap the boy is frightened.” Soroban chimed in without looking up from his book. 

“Frightened? Of such beauty? Hardly.” There was confidence in his as he addressed Soroban. 

Kiri felt her heart skip a beat. A wave of heat touched her cheeks. Hien offered her a smile and her heart ruptured with butterflies. What a feeling of elation! To hear he did not fear her in this form but found her stunning? But the goddess struggled to find a proper reaction for this foreign feeling welling in her. 

“S-Stop starin’!”  

- - - 

“Can ya’ help me...?” 

Hien found himself fidgeting ever since the goddess had awaken. He had expected some grand show, a spectacle or miracle when she would finally rise up from her watery confinement. Yet instead with unceremonious grace, he was greeted by a naked woman with aquatic appendages decorating her body. While her scales were a thing of beauty, he had never seen such colors, there was little magic in the moment as she scolded him. 

Even now, standing with his face buried against a pillow in her bedchamber, he felt as if he had missed some wondrous display of revival magic. What it must have been like to see her emerge from a bed of waterlilies! Unable to tell where her long hair stopped and water began. To have been able to say ‘good morning’ when she first woke up.... 

“Oi, Prince! I ask’cha ta’ help!” 

“You said I wasn’t allowed to look.” He returned, albeit muffled by the pillow against his lips. 

“I’m decent now, look all ya’ want.” She blew out a sigh. 

Pillow aside, the prince looked up to view the goddess as directed. He half expected a return of her usual clothing; a stolen coat and trousers with thick boots. But his jaw slacked at the sight before him. 

Her human form had yet to return, thus her choice in clothing had been limited. Instead of sailors clothing fabric hung from sparkling gold chains at her throat and around her waist; maroon colored silk draped her chest just enough to be considered decent, a cut of the same fabric a loincloth starting at the flat of her stomach and pooling on the floor at her feet. Bangles and more golden chains glittered from her wrists and even strung on the quills of her fins like jewelry. 

“...Yer starin’ again.” 

Hien coughed, sheepishly clearing his throat as he rose from the bed to stand beside her. “Your sense of fashion is astonishing is all.” 

“Oi,” 

Yet before she could continue, he smiled. “What did you need help with?” 

Her hand extended to offer him an item. He reached out in return to accept, until he caught a spark of light dancing on the blades edge. 

“A knife?” Dumbfounded again, he raised a brow. “Please do not ask me to descale-” 

“No! Wait, what?? No!!!” Her cheeks puffed. Kiri reached for her hair, bundling it and draping it across her shoulder. It was still slick and dripping; a trail of water a new track of hers. “Cut it for me?” 

He couldn’t help the tilt of his head as she asked so softly such a harmless request. “But you at last have hair longer than mine. Surely you don’t wish to cut all of it?” 

“I do, actually. Hate havin’ it long like this.” 

Without further argument and the knife now in his hands, Kiri twirled on her heel, her hair once again falling down the curve of her back. 

Such long, silken hair. She could have easily worn it to cover herself. Dragging his fingertips through it, Hien leaned a bit closer to the Goddess. He could smell the ocean on her; the sea during a storm with rain and salty winds. 

“Kirishimi....?” His voice dropped, his eyes tracing the outline of her shoulders and recognizing touches of scarred flesh peppering her skin just as much as dark and light freckles dusted her shoulders. 

He was reminded in that moment of her beauty. Of her power and strength. So what then, had caused her scars? 

Kiri shivered, his breath hot at the nape of her neck. “Yes...?” 

The prince held the knife tightly just above his other hand still knotted in her hair. The blade’s edge skimmed her flesh which drew a subtle inhale from the goddess. 

“What happened to the town you cursed?” 

- - - 

Silence filled the room. She felt him, so near that she felt the heat radiating from him. His breath a near whisper in her ear, his voice level as he delivered such a heavy question. 

“So that’s what’cha were readin’...” Although the accent still came through, she did her best to imitate music. A siren could lure men into a false sense of comfort, why couldn’t she? 

His hand tangled in her hair tightened its grip, pulling her slightly closer. “No games, Kiri. I want the truth. You’re still bound to me, are you not?” 

Although armed with a weapon as he was, he had yet to directly threaten her with it. It did little to stop the rabbit like heartbeat in her chest, a mixture of hurt, annoyance, and a touch of panic. But yet his hand relaxed and soon she heard the blade gliding through her hair. 

“Bound ta’ ya’ doesn’t mean I gotta spill all my secrets.” She replied in earnest. Her contract with the prince had plainly showed a lack of interest of either parties history. But when he inhaled sharply, the goddess sighed. 

- - - 

“First, I want’cha ta’ know, ya’ should’ve finished the book before accusin’ me of anythin’.” 

Hien didn’t respond. Instead his mind replayed the moment; the book he had been engaged with falling from his hands at the sight of her. Heat returned to his cheeks but full glad was he that her back was to him. 

“As for the curse.... I didn’t curse anyone. That was the original Tide Mother. The first Sea Goddess. Her grief and pain swelled into a mighty storm in her heart and clouded her eyes. Girls were born to look like her with and without her scales and tails. They were blessed by the Goddess but it frightened the towns folk.” 

There was a sorrow to her voice that made the prince loosen his grip on her hair, even halting his cutting of her hair as he listened. Part of him had believed the story was a fairy tale written by mortals. A retelling of something the Goddess had done, good or bad. 

“Scared people are easy to trick... And a man knew just how to talk to a crowd. He convinced them, every single one of them, that their daughters were to be sacrificed to the Goddess. Ta’ show her, ta’ put her in her place. Ta’ defy the very goddess whom they had loved so dearly before.” 

Even though he couldn’t confirm it himself, Hien knew the goddess before him was struggling not to burst into tears. And who wouldn’t? The idea of it... His stomach churned as cogs began turning in his mind. 

“You said she was the first,” He started slowly, “does that make you...the second...?” 

“Aye.” 

“Kiri....” 

“She was disgusted by mortals. How could they? How could they be so cruel?!” Her shoulders shook. Hien couldn’t tell if it was because she was crying or shaking with fury. Or maybe it was a mixture of both. “Those mothers and fathers looked at us and smiled, convinced it was the right thing to do! The only option they had! Bloody cowards is what they were!” 

With a twist of his wrist the remainder of her hair was cut through, the floor length locks shifting to salt water and landing on the stone with a splash at his feet. The knife clattered to the floor alongside the puddle, discarded so he could take her into his arms and hold her against his chest. 

The goddess, so powerful and courageous, trembled in his arms; tears stained the front of his tunic when she curled into him. 

“... When she tried ta’ stop them,” Kiri began again, a hiccup interrupting her, “the man attacked her with strange weapons. She was severely injured and in her rage and sorrow... She sunk the city. Brought the whole cliffs down and buried it beneath the ocean.” 

“I’m sorry,” Hien found himself whispering it over and over again, a mantra that was some how supposed to help her feel better. At least her trembling had subsided. 

“... I was the only one that survived. The Tide Mother was dying inside and out... but she saved me from drownin’ like the others... and passed it all ta’ me.” 

More cogs began to stir. “That must be why Zenos and that Octavia woman were after you. The man in the story must have been Garlean. Perhaps someone survived and lived to tell the tale....” But when Kiri gave no answer, Hien dropped the subject. She was in no mood or condition to talk about her own death. Instead he drew her closer still, the scent of the ocean still stormy on her. 

“The book you were readin’... Soroban found it in his travels before meetin’ me.” 

“Speaking of which... Why the library? This whole sunken city, this library... It is the one she buried, right?” 

Kiri gave a nod against his chest and sniffled. “The library was the only place they were allowed to worship her in secrecy. A few folk tried to expose it, so they destroyed the goddess’ face on the fountain. Anyone who questioned the library was then lead to believe that Leviathan was the one they prayed to.” 

“...So why sink it at all?” 

The goddess lifted herself from his chest, her eyes rimmed red with tears and mismatched eyes like jewels. “So no one would ever remember her... or me.”

Clearly the original Goddess hadn’t expected survivors of the tragedy. How else had he known the legend of the Ocean Goddess? Or the prince of Garlemald that seemed so determined to capture her? 

Hien scrunched his nose and bid the thoughts leave him; at least for the moment. With all his heart, all he wanted to do now was hold her. A kingdom all her own, built upon the jealousy and hatred of a goddess and a single man. One she had to endure alone at the bottom of the sea...  

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hey, it's me again, I hope you are still open for requests! You said I could ask for Mic content and, if I still can, what about some DadMic headcanons, with his own child and/or an adopted one?! Which one you prefer is fine! I hope you are doing well and thank you for the opportunity you gave me! Take care 💗

A/N: Hey you!! Thank you for requesting, it means a lot that you like my present mic work. And yes, you most definitely can have some DadMic headcanons. If you have any more requests just let me know. I did hours worth of homework and it deleted so i’m kind of like forget school and imma become a professional headcanon writer so honestly hit me up with as much stuff you want :)))))))

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(i kind of wrote this like you are in the ages of like 6-10 so just keep that in mind)

-I feel he would have his child out of wedlock, maybe when he was younger out partying things got a little crazy then bam, next thing he knows he has a child with no mom and no idea what to do.

-cAlLs AizAwa 

-No but He’s a great Dad honestly, although he's clueless sometimes, he tends to figures things out fairly quickly

- At first it was really hard for him since he had this baby, a new hero career, and the whole world trashing on him, he totally broke down a few times and wanted to give up. BUt aizawa and his other friends helped him through and encouraged him

-You’re his little sunshine and HE LOVeS yoU tO death

-calls you literally any pet name that is very soft and cute and innocent

-He buys evErything for you, i swear! If you just look at something for more than two seconds, it’s in his cart and he’s buying it for you

-”dad you don-”

-”shh pumpkin, let daddy buy it for you.”

-your room is filled with what every girl wants to have

-He learns to do your hair, no matter the texture or thickness or length, he’ll watch youtube videos and figure it out

-he lets you do his hair as well, braiding it, curling it whatever, he’s totally fine with it. JuSt DoNt CUt iT

-New school year and you need new clothes?? Yeah over 1,000 dollars worth of stuff brought.

-speaking of school, sometimes you get comments and stuff from teachers or students because you might not look like him or because you don’t know who your mom is, ect.

-At first when you were younger, it didn’t hurt you, you couldn’t understand that anyways, but as you started to get older it affected you more and more until one day you came home crying to present, and it literally breaks his heart

-”Daddy, why isn’t my skin as light as yours, and my hair isn’t as thin? The other kids make fun of me for it...it really hurts me. And WHere is mom? Does she not love us? You’re really sweet i don’t know why she doesn’t want to be with you…”

-”why are you asking this?”

-”The kids and teachers at school…”

-RAGE MODE ACTIVATED

-He literally storms down to your school and demands that the questions and comments stop or he’s going to press charges

-Never ever was asked about any of those things again...well, more or less, sometimes you hear teachers or students whispering or makings sly comments but you chose to ignore those things 

-”DONT YOU EVER TALK TO ME OR MY LITTLE CUTIE PIE EVER AGAIN.”

-HUGs!! He hugs you like all the time everyday when he sees you. Like it’s his way it’s saying i love you although he screams that to you all the time

-”Y/N MY LITTLE GIRL,” *jump hugs* “I LOOOOOOOVveevVVEVVEvevV Ee YOuuUUUUUUOoUUUU”

- PROTECCS YOU AT ALL COSTS

-Like when the world found out that he had a kid, and he was still kind of a kid himself with a just starting a career, he kind of got shitted on a whole lot...by everyone and the press is always writing stories and stuff so when you were old enough to read or understand some stuff he’d often keep TV off or keep you away from the press and media although that became harder when you had to go outside and go to school but as much as he can limit that crazy stuff you see, he’ll do it.

-He makes sure you can defend yourself and as soon as you get your quirk, he’s training you. He will never push mega hard however he makes sure that the training is vigorous enough that when danger comes...you’re ready 

-Being a pro hero’s child can mean you’re in a lot of danger, people want to kill or kidnap you to hurt the hero so he’s constantly worries and on you about safety

-If your quirk is similar to his, skskkdnjsk he literally will SCREEEEEEEE, he thinks it’s so awesome you have a quirk like his and he will make sure that the both of you will annoy Aizawa 

-As much as Hizashi spoils you, you had to grow up a whole lot quickly. Even though he’s an underground hero and kinda works on his on time, his job is still quite demanding and he has to be gone a lot so that means you need to learn how to cook, clean, do your homework, etc. on your own so if anything happens (god forbid) you know how to take care of yourself. when you were younger tho he’d have a babysitter/nanny to look and take care of you while he’s at work

-Although when he is home he cooks and does all of that stuff. HE'S A REALLY GOOD COOK??????? Like seriously and don’t let me get started on the pastries he makes...mmmm yummm…

-only burnt down the kitchen once...Don’t tell Aizawa plez ;-;

-He actually feels very very bad about leaving you at home a lot with responsibility, he’s all about fun and really just being a kid so he always apologizes to you and plans something super fun when he’s off of work. Like laser tag, going out for ice cream, or just building forts at home. He makes sure you have a balance

-He might’ve brought you a puppy so you would have a friend, you let him name the puppy and now you have a “Mr.Ruffkins” running around your house

-He let’s you have girls night which is basically just you and him and sometimes a friend, and you guys just paint each other nails, put bows in each others hair, all the girly stuff,  and just talk about anything. 

-It’s his way i guess to make up for the mother-daughter time you don’t have in your life

-Cute picnics at the park with a bunch of snacks and you guys will just feed the little duckies and animals 

-Brings you around his agency or to his radio show all the time, like everyone that works there knows and loves you a whole lot. You even have a mini cute pink desk with a name tag on it.

-You have a little segment on his show called “LittleMic and PresentMic” and you guys just talk about crazy weird stuff and reach out to single Dads who are also raising up kids. It’s super cute i swear.

-Aizawa is your tired uncle that says he hates coming over but he comes over like everyday and eats all your food while watching TV on the couch 

-He’s the best uncle though but he’s super blunt. So sometimes you go to him for advice or just to talk. He adores you though and checks on you while DadMic is at work or something. 

-Aizawa call you “Kiddo” or “littleMic” or just “y/n”

-Present lets you pick out his new tattoos, and one time he let you draw one….now he has a crooked purple butterfly on his arm...it’s all good tho

-Father daughter danceeeeee ya ya ya! You guys bring the moves and the music to the dance floor like get out the mf way swines.

-He picked out your dress and you picked out his suit, he even let you do a little man bun

-sometimes when you guys are just chilling at home, you will play some of your favorite classics, and you will step on his feet and he’ll dance, you guess may have fell like twice.

-speaking of music and dancing, he will turn up all of the pop jams that you love (slipping some of his rock n’ roll faves) THROW candy all through out the house and both of you are dancing in weird costumes while singing

-”I LOOOOOOOOvvEEEE ROcKKK N ROLLLLL SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKE BOX bAE bEEEEEEBHEDB”

-You are very much involved in music and he showed you how to make your own mixtapes, playlists, and how to DJ on your own

-piggy back rideeeesss yuuuuhhhhh. When you’re feeling sad he randomly picks you up, twirls you onto his back and runs around the house yells

-”WOOOOOSSSHHHHHH MEGA JET FLYING A SAD PASSENGER, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY WOOOOOSSHHHSHSH”

-Usually does this until you’re laughing and playing along with him

-”KrrSHH THIS IS FLIGHTER PILOT Y/N WITH MY  TRUSTY JET YAMADA ON MY WAY TO DESTROY THE ENEMY PLANE, ANyoNE copPY?”

-one time you like dressed up like him for halloween and it was lit. hair somehow slicked up, black leather jacket and some headphones...wooo child you looked cool

-”PRESENT MIC MAY I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH???”

-”nO PapArazzi PleAse”

-I feel as though you’d be bilingual, Japanese and English. I feel at home it’ll lean more towards English although there’s a hint of Japanese in there

-He rarely gets mad at you but if he did, it’s probably because you put yourself in danger or something of that sorts

-If you cannot sleep, he’ll let you sleep with him and he’ll have blue clues playing in the bakground to help “sooth you” (he enjoys that show very much”

-”THE CLUE IS RIGHT THERE BLUEEEE”

-”dad? I-”

-Tells you stories about his high school/early life and gives you advice

-”in conclusion do not throw a pumpkin at a security guard or you might get hurt...okay love bug?”

-The sweetest thing ever, like he randomly makes weird faces or says random things to make you laugh

-Forehead kisses or little cheek kisses

-Twirls you around and says “Ah my little princess looks lovely today”

-OMG TICKLE FIGHTS I SWEAR YOU’RE GASPING FOR AIR SOMEONE HELP YOU BUT LIKE ITS FUN

-You help him choose outfits when he’s indecisive

-”take away the scarf and go with the graphic tee and maybe the black boots instead of the red ones”

-”Look at my child, a fashion Icon.”

-He let you decorate the house so now there’s glitter, pink stuff, rainbows and sparkles all around the house but it’s super cute. 

-Many cute photos of you guys in macaroni picture frames.

-HE TAKES PICTURES OF EVERYTHING LIKE STACKS OF PHOTOS SMHHH TAKE THE CAMERA AWAAAAYYYYY

-Being Present’s Child would be super cute and mega fun. He’s one of the most interactive loving dads out there, you would never feel lost or lonely for a second. Seriously he is the dad that we all wanted/ needed as a kid lmao. 

[cutekitteninky]

Dolos

Megane's home planet

!!Warning!! This post will contain some dark themes.

So its time for me to ramble again! So im not going to talk much about megane but I will talk about where she came from and talk about the lore/history of Dolos (megane's home planet).

Not many know about Dolos' origins or how it became so dark and twisted but all we know is bad shit just decided to happen. Dolos is one of the fastest, futuristic, civilizations that has ever been developed in the universe, along with some other planet civilizations and solar systems. Like I mentioned in megane's story post, the high ups of Dolo has some very very questionable practices and how they handle things. For the most part Dolos has a weird job system they strictly go by. Higher ups choose who works and who can't, what jobs some citizens will have and which they cannot etc. Most of the jobs are reparing spaceships/spacecraft, engineering, military, armorer, a helper for the higher ups, etc. Dolos may take a big pride of their military size and such but the way they created it is unhuman to say the least.. Higher ups usually pick children at random who may have potential on the military field and take them from a young age. Sometimes as teenagers and sometimes when they are just a kid from around 9 or 10 or even younger. They take them from a young age to educate them and to train them into future troopers (they actually do this for whatever important field they choosed for them to work on. They call each job a station. Most of them are of course separated from different buildings or sometimes different floors of a building if the stations are able to help each other).

Citizens of Dolos don't know anything about the outside world of their solar system. They are usually lied to by their overly controlling leader. Citizens were still granted with the knowledge of how to fight and basic knowledge but were never granted the right to learn anything outside of the planet unless they worked for the higher ups (they also cannot leave the planet unless its requested by the leader/higher ups). For example, only troopers were allowed to learn about the outside world because some of the missions would've taken place outside of the planet, either to do a outside experiment, taking a escaped citizen back to Dolos, getting resources from other planets, etc. Citizens never knew about the leader's twisted plans and practices he did to those innocent citizens. Citizens believe they are safe, a endless cycle of false sense of safety and pride.

Not only were some jobs and trying very dangerous/risky. Most of the unfortunate citizens had to be used as test subjects for experiments. However only troopers or troopers in training mainly participated in these unhuman experiments. They use these experiments to test drugs that can possibly help them in combat or test anything that can be harmful to their enemies as well. They also did experiments that would damage a lot of the troopers such as noise experiments, vision experiments, anything related that can be sensitive and harmful. Most of these experiments caused a lot of trauma, damage, and even death to many test subjects. Most of these experiments lead to most of their test subjects to have hallucinations and extreme pain in most cases. These hallucinations were extremely terrifying to most test subjects to the point they hide in fear or try to escape, not wanting to do the experiments. And the extreme pain is so unbearable most test subjects can't walk for a couple of hours and can only just curl up in pain.

Test subjects who have hallucinations usually have it pretty bad, they hallucinate some of their peers as these twisted and creepy creatures. Whatever happened to the person the test subject is looking at, the damage the person has can effect their hallucination monster form thing. Not all test subjects have extreme hallucinations but most do. This can also make test subjects become aggressive and fearful because of these hallucinations. They only see it as having the choice to fight or flee. Most of the staff/doctors didn't know how to handle these kind of situations which lead to bad choices and trauma for both the test subject and some cases the staff. Most staff weren't the best with dealing with the test subjects and troopers in training, they mostly treat them like complete shit but still teaches them what had to be teached and still do their job. Just not in the best way possible I guess I should say.

Sorry for the shitty doodles haha- im not good with explaining so I think drawing it helps to get my point across <:D

More about the normal citizens of Dolos. Everyone must wear uniforms at all times unless you are in your comfort of your home. Normal citizens have to wear clothes that mainly represent the colors of Dolos' colors. Even people with jobs had to wear a specific uniform. (Sadly I only drawn the uniforms for the troopers and normal citizens but in the far future I will draw the uniforms for the other jobs I promise!). Thankfully normal citizens and even those with jobs are allowed to have weapons. They just cannot use it against the higher ups and not on each other. Citizens' weapons are weaker than military weapons in Dolos. However, citizens weapons can still do damage and are mainly used for self defense. If they try using it on higher ups, the citizen on question would be punishment with murder. (Most punishments are either murder or 20 years in jail depending the crime. But most crimes including hurting the higher ups are a instant kill).

Please ingore the names in the bottom of the doodles. This is just to give off the main idea I mean in the post. Also keep in mind the one eye trooper is not how normal citizens nor how troopers look like.

You may be wondering, hey why is the leader of Dolos so scared of the word getting out about their inhuman ways of life and abuse of power? Well theres a bigger higher up in the universe thats control by someone who is more kinder. This bigger higher up usually checks peoples backgrounds before letting them claim a planet or solar system if they have the money for it. Of course the leader was grated with Dolos but it can be taken away from him if he dare hurt he's citizens or did more than just inhumane crimes. So he usually tries to keep citizens in and keep them ignorant about what's going on so they won't tell them what has been going on. Which is why the leader does not allow citizens to leave the planet. Once you get in you never get out. The leader always immediately takes action to find missing citizens that have been reported by troopers or any citizen because of the paranoia of citizens escaping the planet and finding "help".

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Woah- that's a lot hehe. Im sorry for the extreme dark theme in this one bois <:c I hope this gives a better idea of what kind of environment megane use to be in before the leader fucking became cheeto dust 😔. I have been wanting to talk about where megane use to come from but I didn't want to add it in her main story post because of how much lore it has. I hope you guys enjoy it and if you have any criticism or have any questions, please ask away and let me know! <:D