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blushweddinggowns · 1 year ago

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Would love to see your take on 23 or 28 good potential for fluff or angst or maybe both?

I am such a fluffy bitch! I can't help myself. If I get another one of these I will do angst because I need to work on that. But for now fluffy bullshit is my safe place <3

But I will say this tickled my uh not sfw brain, so watch out for a possible ao3 E addition the other prompt. Maybe! (Probably. the potenial of "Come and get your fix" is insane) But this is "Was it worth it?"

Honestly? You'd think Steve would be used to this by now. He was just not the guy that anyone wanted to be with. First there was Nancy, the worst heartbreak he ever had. Then there was Robin, which was better but still kind of sucked. Until Steve realized that oh, wow, this girl is literally my long lost sister. So with that, he had to admit that he was pretty grateful that she was gay as hell. The alternative would have been an absolute disaster. But even before all of that, girls just didn't like being with him. Or at least staying with him.

He was too much of a hopeless romantic, too clingy, too weird. He always fell beneath expectations. People expected him to be cool, suave, to actually match the whole "King Steve" label and be the high school dream boat that he should be. But...Steve just wasn't like that. He wanted too much too fast, always opening up and sharing shit that made people uncomfortable. That made them pull away and find someone less annoying. So he'd retreat back into the popular boy thing, be charming and a little dickish, find a new girlfriend, and start the process all over again.

People just... didn't like going there with him. Not when there were better options. It felt like the only one who could really handle him was Robin. And lately... Eddie Munson.

Eddie Munson who was currently in the middle of crushing all of his feelings into the dust.

He thought...Steve wasn't sure what he thought. But it felt like over the past year they had been moving somewhere, to something more. They were friends by circumstance, from all the Upside Down shit and then with Steve being Dustin's chauffer to the hospital for visits. It had all been so simple at first. They would all talk as a group, it would be fun, and then they'd be on there way until Dustin called him up next. Until one day Steve just went by himself. He wasn't quite sure why he did, but the bright smile that lit up Eddie's face when he saw him made sure that he'd keep doing it.

And they would talk for a long time. For a stupid amount of time honestly, all the way until the nurses kicked him out for getting Eddie too rowdy and excited. But it didn't stop when he got out of the hospital. Steve just started going to house, helping him and his uncle out as they got to know each other more. It's not like he had anything else going on. He just never expected Eddie Munson of all people to slowly become the center of his life.

They just... clicked. In a way that no one had expected, least of all them. They were so different, but they also weren't. Not in the ways that mattered. Besides, Steve liked all the play fights and debates they would have over music and movies. He liked ribbing each other over their taste in clothes and their mutual inability to get girls. He loved it even more when Eddie came out to him in the silliest possible way.

"I can't get girls because I'm gay as fuck and they can sense it. You can't get girls because every straight woman that lives here is apparently stupid. Can being too hot ruin your dating life?"

At the time it had made Steve laugh. It also stirred... something in his chest. Something warm and nice that he didn't have time to examine, not when he was too busy reassuring Eddie that yes, he's okay with it. But no, girls couldn't smell it on him. Not that Eddie cared but Steve actually had 0 clue on why no one was interested in him. Just because he was gay didn't mean the girls of Hawkins high knew that. Why weren't they fawning over him? He was so freaking pretty, and creative and fun and...and that's how Steve realized he wasn't as straight as he thought he was.

And because Steve was Steve that meant that he had to make things weird. He started doing stupid shit, like staring at Eddie's perfect mouth all the time, wearing his clothes with permission, just to smell him throughout the day. They started giving each other little nick names, stupid shit that was so close to being romantic. Like sunshine and angel. They started sleeping in the same bed together, spending more nights with each other than apart. Steve would wake up with Eddie wrapped around him, clinging to him like...like they were something more.

And it felt good. Comfortable and safe. And Steve really thought that this had been different. That whatever was going on with him had to be going on with Eddie too.

But now here he was, standing shell-shocked in his kitchen while his very good friend was trying to talk to him about his crush. His crush that had nothing to do with Steve. It wasn't exactly shocking that Steve had made all of that flirtation up in his head. It wouldn't be the first time, he was just delusional like that.

But that didn't stop his heart from breaking when Eddie said, "So...there's this guy whose like, insanely hot? And I think he might be into me. But... I don't really know what to do about it."

Steve really did not want to hear about this. He didn't like it, the horrifying thought of Eddie getting a boyfriend. Because what partner would be cool with them cuddling up together in bed? Who would be down to have their boyfriend's creepy buddy hanging around them all the time? Calling them stupid shit like sunshine? It wasn't going to happen. And acknowledging that hurt...so much more than Steve had expected.

But Steve was a good friend. That was probably the only thing he had going for him. He'd get past it. He always did. He was just going to have to completely restructure the life he had built around Eddie. That's all.

He shoved his feelings back, smiling despite the fact that he felt like he was dying a little inside, "Oh yeah? Tell me about him."

Steve wasn't sure why he asked that. And the dreamy smiled on Eddie's face when he started talking wasn't helping, "He is just awesome dude. Total catch, an absolute sweetheart. And he just fits with me y'know? And, um, I think he feels the same way. But I'm not sure. I'm too much of a bitch to even ask if he's into dudes. I don't know if telling him is worth the risk."

Part of Steve wanted to be a real piece of shit with that. To tell him that yeah, it's not a good idea. He's probably straight and definitely wouldn't be good for him. They wouldn't love him like Steve could. But that didn't exactly count as being a good friend, did it?

Steve kept it all back, his smile tight when he said, "I think that sometimes the risk can be worth it. Do you think he's worth it?"

Eddie laughed, like Steve said something funny instead of trying to be sincere. But he was smiling, staring down at the counter as he fiddled with his rings, "If it worked out, it would probably be the best thing that ever happened to me."

Steve really really did not need to hear that. He could feel his eyes getting wet. He needed to wrap this shit up and send Eddie on his way to mystery man's house before he started crying, "If that's how you feel then go for it man. He'd be lucky to have you."

Steve's voice broke on the last word, something he tried to hide behind a cough. He just wanted this to be over already.

"I think I'd be lucky to have him," Eddie said with a shrug, "But... do you really think I should? Just go for it?"

"Yeah dude, why not tonight even? If he's not doing anything else you can just hop right over," Steve was willing to sign up for anything that got him out of here faster.

Eddie laughed again, completely out of place. He was circling the counter, coming to a stop in front of Steve with a nervous little smile, "You really think so?"

Why did he have to look at him like that? With this big doe eyes, filled with hope. It was silly, what Steve thought didn't even matter, this had nothing to do with him. But that little fact wasn't helping to clear the lump in his throat.

Steve nodded, not trusting himself with words. He expected Eddie to grin, thank him, and head out into the night to profess his love for some other dude. But that's not what happened.

Instead Eddie settled his hands on Steve's shoulders, giving them a firm squeeze. He looked nervous, but excited, his eyes boring right into Steve's. He took a deep breath before blurting, "I'm in love with you. Like full-blown. A-And it's probably way to early to be saying that but it's true Steve. It's been driving me fucking insane, because I like want you man. In very non-friendship ways."

Steve stared at him, his mouth hanging open like an idiot. He didn't-wait-huh? What? That can't be right. Eddie couldn't have been talking about him because he didn't-he wasn't-but... now that Steve thought about it, who the fuck else would he be talking about? How would he even have a chance to meet someone else when they were attached at the hip?

He felt so stupid. And so relived. He didn't even know what to do with himself, besides stare at Eddie like a moron. And his silence wasn't helping anything.

"I-um, thought that you might feel the same way since, y'know. Everything. And I know you're not gay-"

It was true, Steve wasn't gay. Not entirely but, "I can be gay for you. I'm so gay for you. I might as well be an Eddie-sexual at this point-"

Steve didn't have time to finish his cringy spiel, not when Eddie was pulling him closer and smashing their mouths together. Steve would thank him later for it, but for now he was too busy melting into his arms.

He felt weirdly good when they finally pulled away, almost like he was high. Just from one little kiss.

Eddie was grinning at him, looking at Steve like he was the best thing that ever happened to him. And what an insane thought that was huh? But Steve would take it.

Steve smiled up at him, taking the time to wrap his arms around Eddie's neck, "So...was it worth it? The risk?"

Eddie rolled his eyes, his hands wandering downward to rest on Steve's hips. And then Eddie was actually lifting him into the air and onto the counter, settling between his legs like the gesture didn't just send Steve into a tailspin. Why was that so hot? When did his nerdy friend (boyfriend?) become so smooth?

Eddie chuckled before leaning back in. He pressed a light kiss to the side of Steve's lips, sweet enough for him to know it would be burned into his memory until the end of time, "Like you have to ask."

#steddie ficlet #steddie #steddie fic #silly steddie #asks #eddie: i love you #Steve: I'm so gay for you bro #Romance comes in all shapes and forms #lol #I will do an angsty one at some point #or maybe just add some angst in general?#im so fluffy #maybe we need some spice #but also im a crybaby so maybe not #a lil late but she's here~#oblivious steve #dumbass boy #he's trying

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onlyseokmins · 1 year ago

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"teach 'em"

Titling, tagging, and adding to my masterlist bc I don't think it deserves to get lost in my thot tags only... But it's informal af hehe

was thinking about loser!chan (again) who's like a 2.5 on the virgin (1) to whore (10) scale.

your new boyfriend is a sweetheart. he has the prettiest eye smile and he's uber talented. you love to see the passion when he's dancing and the strong bond between his older friends that are like brothers to him. that very same energy carries over to how he takes care of you. he's always fussing over your well-being and checking in on you in a non-intrusive way. you adore him.

bonus points for the foreplay before sex being hot and heavy. he's a fabulous kisser and he even has a great dick that feels equally as great when he's inside of you.

so why is he still a loser?

because his stroke game is sloppy at best and unfulfilling at worst, the latter happening much too often than you even want to admit to yourself - let alone him. which is shocking considering the way you've seen him hip thrust on stage.

it's just that you feel so freaking good squeezing around him and - oh fuck, oh no! - he's cumming way too soon again. you know this by how often he tells you, letting out a heavenly sob of "thank you for having the best pussy pussy in the world," and "thank you for letting me stick my dumb dick inside."

honestly, you're awfully flattered he has trouble retaining any control over himself. there's something quite intimate about the ropes of his release warming up your womb, still full of his softening cock as he grunts and babbles grateful praises in your ear.

but that doesn't eliminate the fact that you've only memorably cum once after the multiple rounds of sex you two have shared. and the reason you even did in the first place was by wrapping your legs around his hyper-thrusting hips, trying to keep him aligned to continuously hit that one spot with the enlarged head of his cock that had your toes curling.

and just as you're about to hit that peak climax - chan cums first - of course. but it's alright, you're almost there. gummy inner walls spasming around his pulsating cock while he whines at the sensitivity. what finally tips you over that much-needed edge is the warm dampness pooling in your clavicle - your sweet channie so pussy-drunk he's drooling on and over you. only a fool wouldn't forgive him for any of his blunders. though it is your first achieved orgasm with him, you're elated that he possesses some capability of making you cum.

but that was a good month (or more) ago and it's high time that you have that deep conversation with your loving boyfriend. and he's as remorseful as expected. in fact, you think he's near tears at the fear of you breaking up with him over this.

you aren't - obviously. he's perfect in every way, he just needs to learn how to use his dick better to please someone. and it certainly piques your interest when he cusses a certain someone out under his breath while running a distressed hand through his hair.

"what did you just say?"

"um... that it's all cheol's fault."

oh. so your boyfriend's technique actually sucks only because he had a bad teacher. not because he's inherently bad at sex. it doesn't quite add up though, because seungcheol is allegedly the famed fuckboi of the century and self-rated an 11 on the virgin to whore scale...

"call him."

"what?"

"i need to conduct some research."

so chan does as he's told, dialing the bane of your existence because you've never truly gotten along with that competitive, cocky son of a bitch from your graduating class.

"hello?"

"what would you do to make me cum?"

your boyfriend looks so mortified you're pleasantly surprised he hasn't passed out or hung up already. and seungcheol is either too stunned to speak or silently gloating before he finally replies, "darling i think you called the wrong number... with the phone of the one you're supposed to be talking to about this. are you drunk? where's that little boyfriend of yours?"

"i'm not drunk," you roll your eyes hard enough so he can hear it in the tone you always use with him. "and he's not little."

"could've fooled me."

"i'm sure you would know how big he is since you supposedly were the one who taught him all he knows."

seungcheol snorts. "guessing he's not able to satisfy you with that so-called big dick of his."

"i dunno, i think it's 'cause he had a shit-ass teacher. tell me, have you ever made someone orgasm before? like for real?"

"not anyone with the kind of attitude you have." there's some shuffling in the background. "brats like you... well, they - you - don't deserve it."

"gosh, you're so irritating." you spit out before smiling kindly at chan, squeezing his hand reassuringly. "hey, cheol... i think you're avoiding my question so you should come and show us how good your methods really are. and maybe you can make me cum along the way with such stellar teachings."

and then you hang up.

"i-i - " chan stutters, "if he's gonna come down... i m-mean... i'll study harder for you, baby - "

"relax," you press a finger to his lips and then smirk when there are two sharp bangs resonating outside your shared apartment, "looks like our sulky upstairs resident decided to grow a pair."

your boyfriend sighs. "couldn't resist, could he?"

sure enough, when you open the door - there stands your nemesis - choi seungcheol.

he glares, daring to try and look at you with a hint of disdain as if he isn't the one who has a light sheen of sweat on his forehead after running down the steps rather than wait for the elevator. impatient as always, along with a growing bulge in his sweatpants.

"wow... you came so fast!" you fake-clap to mock him further. "i always knew you and channie wanted to share me... trying to ruin my precious boyfriend's dick game 'cause you were jealous he got inside my tight, wet cunt that you always wanted first."

chan's mouth nervously opens and closes behind you and he gulps when the eldest of his friends gives him that look. "i-it wasn't my fault!"

you cling to his arm with a pout, eating up the way you can play off this game with the other man who's nothing but a menace.

"don't be mean to the love of my life, cheollie."

if the look shared between them hadn't already dampened your panties, they soaken even further when seungcheol's dark gaze lands back on you.

feral. hungry. wanting.

got him.

you've always had him wrapped around your little finger anyways and he hated... loved... every moment of it.

"on the bed. naked. both of you. chan on top," he commands - no, demands - and you slide excited fingers down your boyfriend's forearm and take him by the hand, skipping to the bedroom.

while getting into said position, you both start giggling at the realization while whispering words of love to each other that has seungcheol rolling his eyes because it feels like he's already forgotten.

he flops dramatically on the ottoman by the bed and loudly says, "alright young 'un. go ahead and start su - "

"i want you to fuck me, channie. please put your huge dick in my needy pussy... i'm dripping..." and then you whisper in his ear, "all for you, promise."

"shit," your boyfriend - ever the good listener - rubs his tip along your entrance in awe before sliding in with a whine, "you're ruining the bedsheets already..."

"ah please, ruin me."

"fuck, baby you're gonna ruin me."

seungcheol's eyebrow twitches. so does his cock. "hold on a sec, you're going too fast - "

"faster! destroy my cunt with your large cock! i love your fat cock in me so much."

you cling to chan's shoulder blades as he gets lost once more in the rhythmic pulses of your walls perfectly massaging his leaking dick. the extra presence in the room no longer even a thought with his erratic, achingly desperate thrusts. though you're trying to coach and egg him on as usual, he doesn't even need to be hitting your g-spot at this moment because you stare over his shoulder at a different set of brown eyes that shoot heat undeniably right to the center of your core.

seungcheol's jaw is clenched, a hand over his own hard-on. either to hide the pre-cum starting to stain his sweats and/or reluctantly giving in that he's enjoying this more than anyone could even think.

unfortunately, you're moaning so loudly over and over again about the thick, wonderful, ginormous cock (so true) of your beloved boyfriend that he's getting irked again and hates how it's kind of killing his mood.

"that's just 'cause you haven't seen mine yet," he grumbles.

scratching at chan's back, you sneer at the bitter observer. "fine, by the bed. naked." you mimic his tone, if not some of his words, from before. "let me see that prized fuckboi cock you're so proud of."

and soon enough you have one impressively large cock in one hand and your boyfriend about ready to coat your pussy with his cum.

and even sooner, you have two men on their backs for you - one weeping (and his poor dick too) from the overstimulation and the other nearly tearing your ruined bedsheets because you are so insistent on (meanly) edging him with your cruel grip on his large cock.

"fuck you," seungcheol huffs.

"you wish," you bite back and seat yourself back on chan hearing his telltale whimper. making sure to catch the final weak spurts of his cum in your greedy cunt.

let's just say with seungcheol's lack of assistance but much needed presence, you work on effectively teaching not only your darling boyfriend how to please his partner but also the fake fuckboi that might just join your sexy sessions from now on.

if not to learn from the real pro, then definitely in the hopes that one day he might get to touch, taste, or fuck even the tip of his cock in your pussy he's been fantasizing about for years.

#Wow thought abt this last night and worked on it between meetings lol it got so long!#>:)#ez.thots #dino.thots #cheol.thots #svt.thots #svt smut #seventeen smut #kpop smut #smut #seungcheol smut #scoups smut #dino smut #lee chan smut

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pengujoon · 1 year ago

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what is it like to love someone?

geto was never really someone who would ever consider himself to be capable of loving. not to say he never tried, but he simply… couldn’t; he never had the chance to. he loved his bestfriend, the obnoxious white haired beanstalk, his close friend, the overly mature and tired 2nd year student, but never had he ever fell in love with anyone romantically.

but ever since you came crashing into his life, literally - you fell from the second floor window onto him who stood by the pavement right below the window, and thankfully he realised it soon enough to be able to catch you and soften the landing with the aid of his curses - his life changed. his once monotonous world with bits and pieces of blue blossomed into a world full of colours, blinding yet captivating.

maybe, to love someone is to love them during their most chaotic moments. he thought back on the days where the both of you just dressed in pyjamas onesies and went your whole day like that, not giving a single bother to the stares and looks from outsiders to your seemingly outrageous outfits. seeing the look on their faces made you and geto burst into laughter, the day becoming one of the many core memories you both share.

maybe, to love someone is to be with them even at their worst. he remembered when you lost your job, tears staining your cheeks as you stumbled through the front door, makeup smudged and shoulders slumped with defeat. in that moment, geto’s heart ached at the sight of your pain, and he knew he couldn’t let you face it alone. he held you close, offering silent comfort and unwavering support, because to love someone is to be their refuge in moments of despair, a steady presence in the midst of life’s storms. in those darkest moments, his unwavering love became a lifeline, a testament to the strength of your connection.

maybe, to love someone is to surprise them with your own love. geto remembered the time you knocked on his door at 3 in the morning just to pull him out for a late night drive, bringing him to the place you went for your first date - the hilltop behind your high school, overlooking the whole of tokyo. there laid a tiny little tent, small enough to fit only two sleeping bags, big enough to fit the both of you. geto really never had so much fun pointing out stars and constellations he never knew existed even if he light pollution made it harder than you had expected to see them. even when rain suddenly poured from the otherwise clear sky, you never had so much fun rolling around in the tent playfighting with each other, and the way he had to hold his laughter in as you almost pushed the tent over as you fell had him dying inside.

maybe, to love someone is to imagine living the rest of your life with them. the realisation happened when he was out with gojo and shoko, and they got to the topic of settling down in the future. it was bound to happen - they were already adults, they had to. the thought of having you by his side for the rest of his life made his heart flutter - to be able to be with you, to get stand by the end of the aisle as you walk down towards him, to get the chance to love you till the end of time - he never longed for something that badly before.

geto noticed you outside as you waved at him through the windows, a big smile planted on your face as you held onto the grocery bags on your other hand tightly. geto, you mouthed, come out!

geto, with a smile on his face, bid farewell to shoko and gojo who sat right before him, slumped down against the table mumbling something along the lines of why you gotta leave so early before receiving a smack on the head from shoko - one which geto was grateful for. he smiled and waved at them before leaving the cafe as you stood outside by the door, hands raising to show him the bag of noodles you got and - are those 5 bags of family sized doritos?

“i got us some soba noodles for tonight! we could stay home and watch some movies after and get some cuddles, how about that?”

yeah, geto thought, this is what it's like to love someone.

#geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto fluff #geto suguru fluff #jjk #jjk fics #penguwrites #jjk imagines #living together!au #love me like this

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deathmetalunicorn1 · 1 year ago

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can i order obanai reader with beelzebub, buddha, poseidon and qin shi huang?

-You had always been a little rough around the edges, even after you had been rescued from your childhood home, where you were locked away and tortured.

-You found solstice with the Demon Slayer Corps and did make a few friends, like your white snake, your best friend Kaburamaru, who is almost seen wrapped around your neck.

-Many respected you for your strength and skill as a Hashira, you were focused, hard-working and determined, but at the same time there were many who didn’t care for you as much as others mainly new recruits as you were harsh on them.

-Many were quick to realize that you were preparing them, because if the recruits couldn’t handle your harsh words and training, they would never be able to make it as Demon Slayers, and those who did manage to survive your training and harsh words were grateful for your harshness.

-You didn’t respect many, seeing others as weak, even your fellow Hashira, holding them in very high standards and if they don’t meet your standards, you won’t hesitate to call them out on it.

-The only one of the Hashira that you liked is Mitsuri, who called you her sister, not at all afraid of you, your scars, Kaburamaru, or your harsh nature. She was like sunshine, one that you felt like you didn’t deserve to bask in, but she would often force you out, taking you to dinner because you didn’t care about any of her quirks, like her colorful hair or big appetite.

-Romance is a subject you never thought about, mainly because you felt like you didn’t deserve it, you felt so dirty, the memories of your past, your family, you wanted to be reborn to cleanse yourself, to make you worthy of love.

-However, that didn’t stop Mitsuri from helping set up some blind dates for you, as in her words ‘you need to have more fun- and what better way to do that than with someone you like!’

-You humored Mitsuri, at least for the first one, not wanting her to get upset with you, as she was one of the few precious people you had in your life.

-You never expected to find someone who loved you- really loved you, in that blind date, his enthusiasm and dedication to you was something you had never dealt with before. He could tell that you were harsh because you were guarded, you were trying to protect yourself and protect others who you didn’t think could make it as a Demon Slayer.

-Mitsuri was overwhelmed into tears when you told her that you and (Love) were dating, hugging you close, swinging you around.

-Beelzebub- Could care less that you saw yourself as ‘dirty’ he had Satan inside of him, so it wasn’t anything really too unusual for him and told you that he didn’t care, he just wanted you to stay by his side. Is fond of your harshness, but it shows that you care, like when he’s been working nonstop in his lap and you well at him while dragging him out, scolding and berating him. He was attentive to your insecurities, letting you show your scars to him in your own time, and not prying about your past, only comforting you when it was sometimes too much, and you need comfort. Kaburamaru didn’t mind Beelzebub, but never hung out on him like how he hangs out on you, they had a respectful relationship.

-Buddha- Balanced you out because he was mostly IDGAF unless if it was about snacks and sweets, which you did find amusing. He didn’t care about your past, or your scars, or how harshly you spoke down to others. He was just happy to hold you hostage on his lap and hug you close, sharing his snacks with you. He did infuriate you sometimes with his personality, being so warm and carefree but at the same time being so IDGAF, but he knew when you needed comfort, and he knew how to behave when you needed it. Will always reassure you and will hug you for hours if you let him. Kaburamaru loves Buddha, and you found it cute when your friend wrapped around your hair, trying to make a bun for you, which you did think was cute. If you ever can’t find Kaburamaru, 9.9999 times out of 10 he’s with Buddha, either draped over his shoulder or wrapped around his bun.

-Poseidon- He’s a lot like you, looking down and bullying others, speaking harshly because you don’t want to bother with weaklings, and will only show respect to those who have earned it. You never knew how much fun it was to just sit with him in a café and people watch, making fun of people. Poseidon was a little less patient with you when you were showing your scars, as you didn’t want to scare him away, as you were ugly while he was the definition of beautiful, he scolded you, calling you an idiot, “I’m not with you because of your looks, I’m with you because I like you for the person you are!” Will not hesitate to hold you when you start slipping into that dark place, thinking about your family and your past, the demon that haunted you for years, wouldn’t hesitate to throw hands with anyone who would say anything bad about you. Kaburamaru likes Poseidon and is respectful of him, but usually will only just boop Poseidon on the cheek instead of crawling on him.

-Qin Shi Huang- You could only think that the reason you got along so well with him is because he was so much like Mitsuri, warm, cheerful, and loved you just the way you were. He was a little overwhelming at first and you had to admit that you felt shy with him, just like when you first befriended Mitsuri. As if sensing your shyness, he immediately became glued to you, there was no getting rid of him. He wouldn’t hesitate to defend you if someone said something bad about you, like if they saw your scars, or ask why he was around someone so gruff. As you got used to him he couldn’t help but smile, seeing you relax around him, cuddling him gently. Kaburamaru loved Huang, if he’s around, your snake friend is going to hang out with him instead, which you think is rather amusing as Huang loves to sneak up on people and scare them when they turn and see your snake, which always makes you roll your eyes, but smile.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror beelzebub #ror buddha #ror poseidon #ror qin shi huang

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agirlwholovesrockstars · 11 months ago

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you ain't woman enough

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

Summary : some crazy diehard fan claims to steal your man, of course- you won't let that happen

Word Count : not too long, I hope

Warnings : 18+ Rockstar!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, language, reader and Eddie are both (25) also they're MARRIED to each other, no use of y/n, Gareth is (18), Jeff is (20) mentions of a fan having self-harm history, the lunatic fan (I named her Delancy, she's 18) can be very invasive, disrespectful, delusional and too obsessed with Eddie, alcohol consumption, mentions of pregnancy at the end, I think that's just it tho

What to Expect : angst and fluff teehee

Note To Reader : guys, you're not going to believe this because my fever just bounced back again making me suffer once more 💀 (but I'm good right now don't worry)

Author Note : LOVE LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH- OF COURSE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD TO MAKE A FIC WITH IT ;)) (idk if I feel satisfied about this fic but here it goes)

You and Eddie have been together for ages

A bit dramatic, isn't it?

But no, seriously, it's like you spend a lifetime every minute, hour and seconds being with him

Since high school, Eddie thought it's cruel joke when you talked to him for the first time

He had a bit of time to grow on you back then, but when you finally get to know him when he unsheds his layers of showing the tough act to people at school

He is actually very sweet

That's where it all took off

You're always been there

The Hellfire Club campaigns, The Hideout sessions, the best part is that you we're also there when he got his long-awaited diploma

Wayne loves you, gosh, Eddie can still vividly remember the teasing moments that make him so freaking embarrassed when it revealed that Eddie has a crush on you

It's the most silliest confession that you both shared to each other, giggling at the same time

It's also wholesome in a way that you feel like yourself when you're with him than you're own

That's says something

You watch him grew to become one of the highest paid rock bands all of time, Corroded Coffin

Back in graduation in college, he said that he'll marry you and you'll be on his side while he's touring around the world

The words you told him never left his mind

"Always keep your dreams alive, Ed's"

You both love metal music, films, obviously certified nerds, always excited when you're both talking about your favorites

I mean- what's not to love?

"You're ready? sweetheart?"

"Yeah"

You gave him 360° turn to your full ensemble for the tonight's show

Oh, he was stunned at it, he takes a minute to process

"Well?"

"You look fantastic- I mean- hot, super super hot"

You snort "Okay, let's go rockstar"

You've prepared yourself for this since the beginning, the moment that Eddie got himself big time at a record label

You know what you're in for

You're ready to face it all, the tabloids, loads of paparazzi everywhere, awestruck fans that recognize the both of you walking in the streets of L.A

You also know once you entered this business, there's no longer privacy that you knew before

The fandom that Eddie has is like a freaking movement almost like an activist, every false lies, rumors, gossips, they defend him with his bandmates

You adore them, really, grateful for it

The head of the official fanbase of Corroded Coffin is really nice and respects everyone of you, even treat you like normal human beings

They organized parties when it's time for an occasion like Corroded Coffin won a Grammy, New Year's, when someone in the band has a birthday, it's really great

Sometimes, you wish every fan is just like that, or sometimes even not a fan, you wished they'll treat you kindly

While eating lunch with Eddie at a local diner downtown

"You know, there's a young girl keeps looking at our spot for like 30 mins now" Eddie is wearing Ray-Ban black sunglasses as he quietly speaks as he takes a sip of his coffee

You had a mouth full of philly cheesesteak as you turned around to find what your husband is referring to

There, you spot her, when you catch her eyes, she simply look away shyly

You hum as you shrug "It looks like she wants to say something"

"Oh, boy, here she comes"

Before you can react to what he just said, she's now standing to where you both seated but she gave a distance for personal space that leaves an impression to the both of you

Eddie caught a glimpse of the young girl's wrist with marks of healed pocks, you saw it too, he watches her intently but when he saw how genuine her eyes are, he knows this isn't some weird fanatic

You cleared your throat as you smile at the young girl

"Uh- hi, I'm so very sorry, if I made you both uncomfortable but I- I just want to express my gratitude, your songs really helped me a lot and ever since I stopped doing it for 5 years already and I feel a whole lot better and uh- your love story has always been my favorite- it's very inspiring and I've always been looking up to the both of you and uh- yeah thanks for everything" she leaves at that

the young girl went on and on with her slightly ducked down too shy to even look at the both of your eyes

"That's really sweet" you say with twinkling eyes as you kept your eyes on the young girl

"Wow, see- this is why I'm doing this! I will keep on making music when something like that happens! I can help people!" He beams exhilaratingly with a smile

"Eddie, haven't you realized you've been doing this since highschool?" You hold his hand across the table

"Yes, I know and I will do what I do best" he winks and you by that look

You know he's gonna make this interaction memorable

"Hey, kid"

The young girl almost can't believe the Eddie Munson called her out

"We appreciate you so much" he says as he picked the whole new latest album from his bag

Young girl is appalled, felt weak on the knees almost, you giggled at her reaction

To make everything go insane, he even signed the album cover

You hand it out to her "We're so proud of you"

She takes it with shaky hands as she laughs "I-I'm sorry, I'm freaking out inside, thank you so very much"

"You'll be the first person to hear it"

"I'll listen to it once I get home, I will never forget this day in my life!"

You and Eddie both chuckled "Treasure it, sweetie! You deserve it!"

"I love you both so much, you have absolutely no idea! um- I'll be attending your show this coming Saturday" you shyly added with a grin

You squealed as you look at Eddie with excitement, he took his glasses off

"That's very metal, dear" he makes a rock n roll sign as the kid does the same time, both shared laughs

You watched the kid happily as she runs over to her parents with the album in hand as they become starstrucked when they saw both of you, waving at their daughter

You sigh in content "Isn't that just awesome?!?" You slam your hands on the table feeling giddy

Eddie throws his head back in laughter as his mind replays the endearing interaction earlier

"My manager is going to kill me after this"

"Oh, yeah right- you weren't supposed to reveal your latest album yet"

"I doubt it she'll not spread it to everyone"

"I'll drink to that"

Turns out, both of your guts we're right, the young girl didn't leaked the whole ass album for the whole world to hear

The tour was going fantastic, the crowd roars, screams, cheers everyone is going nuts once the band came out the stage

The after-party is your favorite part when the set is done, it's just you, Eddie, Jeff and Gareth hanging out

It's like old times, the difference is that all of you are a part of public figures now

But, no, never once or anyone of you let that get into your head, you don't want to believe or let yourself be aware of that "I'm a celebrity and you're nothing" type of shit, all of you remained humble since day one

No wonder why people adored you so much

Jeff finished his degree last year, now he's got himself a babe beside him, Gareth only have 2 years left at his college

He is so sick of it already, but he won't stop until he finally graduated

"Now, I get it why- Eddie feels so fucking drained after college" Gareth groans as he sats down next to you

"But my tutoring while on the tour bus helped, right?" You gave him an sympathetic smile

He smiles tiredly "Yeah, I'm just so exhausted but I'm almost there"

"That's the spirit!"

"Man, I don't know how you do it, are you getting enough sleep?" Jeff chimes in as he drinks his beer as he awaits for his friend to answer

"I don't even remember when's the last time I got a good night's sleep"

"Your time has run out" a voice rudely interrupted your conversation

You, Jeff, Gareth turn around at the girl who is standing closer to you

Jeff and Gareth shared confusion looks to each other

"Excuse me?" You say as look at her directly

"I said he's done with you"

"Who?"

"Eddie"

Jeff makes a face and Gareth is unamused, offended by it

You tried your best to be polite as you wave your hand in front of her dismissively, maybe it's just some girl who mistakenly thought you're someone that she knew

"He doesn't love you anymore"

Who is this person? You think to yourself

You laugh incredulously as you lean forward, Jeff and Gareth looked at you and thinks why you're aren't doing anything to be mean just for once

They're watching the nicest argument ever

"You have to let him go" she says as she crossed both of her arms

"Why would I do that?"

"So, I can take him"

You, Jeff and Gareth looked at each other with knowing looks as you tried to keep your composure stable

The bartender is clearly knows what the fuck is going on and couldn't help but to bite back a laughter as well

"Ooh- okay, hot shot- gimme a sec" you say with a mockery on your voice as you bit your lip to stop bursting to any second

You kick Jeff and elbowed Gareth to stop them from snickering

"Hey, Francis" you paid for the tabs, you treat the guys for the drink tonight

"You didn't have to-"

"I insist, you always gave me fine drinks and you never let me pay? Come on- take it"

The older man smiles and sighs and muttered a small thank you

All of you go down to your rotating circle chairs, but before you left her, you twirl around with a teasing smile

She became annoyed at you, you didn't even know what the hell she's annoyed at you for

"Sorry to burst your bubble, you can't do that"

"What makes you think that I can't?" She snaps and it makes you amused

Jeff and Gareth make a teasing "Oooh's" as you flipped the guys off behind your back

"Because-" you looked at her from top to bottom

She really wasted her beauty for pulling a stunt like this?

"You aren't there yet"

You know, she ain't gonna understand that phrase because she's young, you didn't even bother to explain what it means so you turn heel and left her at it

You wiggle your fingers at her as you wave goodbye and she watches the three you finally booming the streets with the loud cackles

At the backstage, 10 mins left before the show starts

"Eddie! Stand still!" You say as you fix his outfit

"I've been performing for years and I still get nervous" he says with a unsure smile

"That's totally normal, Eddie, once you get out of there and feel all of the people energy and literally once you start singing? You'd be great like you always do" you say as you finish doing touch ups to his look

He didn't replied, he instead hugged you

"Oh" you got startled at his sudden action but you melt with it

"Thank you, sweetheart"

"Anytime, Ed's"

A frequent knock is going on the door, almost breaking it, he swung it open- he got cutt off by someone

"Alright, alright! I'll be there-"

"Where have you been?!? I've looked for you everywhere!"

"What-"

"Didn't you missed me?!?"

You lean onto your side of the doorframe with arms crossed as Eddie looked at you for help almost like he's saying "Do you have any idea who is this person?!?"

The young lady who you encountered last night meet your eyes, you swore you saw the fire ignited once you came into the frame

"What is she doing here?!?"

Eddie is so perplexed as he continues to look at the random girl and you just smirk to yourself

She reached for Eddie's hand as he became so stunned at her action and you raised both of your eyebrows at her boldness

The audacity of this person is wild

"Honey? Care to explain, please?" Eddie is obviously trying to let go of the grip that she's holding onto him

"Oh, I just met her last night and how rude of me not knowing your name- if you even had one" you sarcastically speak up, it's very comedic to watch her face crumpled up to your smugness

"It's Delancy"

"Yeah, right- Delancy!" You act like it was the most interesting information ever

Eddie is watching you with a wolfish grin, he finally understood it

"I'm here to support my boyfriend" she lOviNgLy looks up at Eddie, the situation doesn't even get worse from there as he looks at you through his bangs as he purses his lips together

"Sweetie, before you can get to him, I'll have to move over and I'm gonna stand right here"

"You can't!"

"It will be over my dead body"

Eddie finally got away from the hold as he looks at her with fake sympathetic smile with a pout as he throws both of his hands in defense

You glanced at the corner and saw the security guards probably looking for her

You lean closer as you say "So, get out while you can" you nudge your chin towards the guards and she panic as she runs away

"Oh my fucking god" Jeff jogs as he tries to catch up his breath

"Give me a minute" Gareth holds up a finger as he pants

"So, she's the girl that you little shitheads talking about, huh?"

Both of the young men nod as they chuckled slightly

"Can't believe she got herself inside" you scoff as you shake your head

"Hmm, maybe there's a way to end this ridiculousness" Eddie smirks as all of you looked at him in confusion

The show is exhilaratingly amazing, Eddie called out for you, is this his plan?

You shyly get up on the stage as the crowd cheers for your name

Once you walked closer to Eddie he pulled you in for a kiss

You're surprised but managed to recover as you wrap your arms around him as you kiss him back

Jeff whistles as Gareth clapped aggressively

The whole crowd screamed harder as Eddie pulled you closer more to him as if that were possible, you became flustered as you break the kiss from running out of breath but Eddie?!? Kept stealing kisses as you giggled

"My beautiful wife everybody!" Eddie announces in the microphone not caring if your lipstick is all over his face

"Thank you guys for the insane night! We love you! We appreciate all of your support! Take care and we'll see you soon! Keep on rockin'!" Eddie left with that as Jeff and Gareth came onto your side as they join you for a bow before all of you waved goodbye and exit the stage

The interview is happening in the morning after the last night's show

"Have you heard about the rumor? There's basically a young girl claiming your husband, Eddie, to be as her boyfriend? What is your comment about this?"

Gareth chimes in with a smirk on his face as he leans over to steal a moment in the camera "No comment" he says as Eddie, Jeff snickered as you chuckled as well

"Yeah, I did, I even interacted with her- she seems....interesting"

"Interesting for a therapy" Jeff adds as the three man crack up to his joke

"She even said that Eddie looked at her at the concert last evening" the interviewer spoke up as you can watch Eddie genuinely reacted to this

"Oh my god" Eddie rubs his face as he hides his face buried on his palms as he tries not to laugh

"Well, a man looks at things sometimes that he doesn't need, I think she's referring to what happened at the backstage-"

"I took a second look-" Eddie narrows his eyes at you

"But he's in love with me" you point to yourself ignoring your cheeks blush

"Exactly" Eddie grins as you held his hand

"She even said that the kiss that happened was a fake"

"I don't know where that leaves her" you shrug at the interviewer

"You know where you stand"

You chortled at the interviewer's remark, knowing that this will even more pissed her off

"Precisely, I know where I stand" you agree as you nod

"And there you have it, folks, The Corroded Coffin, it's such a delight to finally to get to talk to you all and the man of the hour, Eddie Munson with his wife, Jeff and Gareth the icons behind the band, Thank you for tuning in!" The interviewer wraps it all up

"Please, do invite your fans to come on over to your tours"

"it's our pleasure, to share our music around the world and all we wanna do is just inspire people" Eddie smiles at the camera while he always pulled you into his side, you love that he never fails to show you off

As the airing ends, Eddie whispers to your ear

"Let's make her even more furious" Eddie bites his lips as he could think for a conniving idea

You snorted at him with a playful smile

"Telling to everyone that you're having a baby" he winks

"Eddie!" You push him playfully on the chest but he laughs as he carries you and spins around at the studio

But he ain't wrong with that, you'll even consider it later ;))

#eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson angst #stranger things 4 #eddie munson fic #loretta lynn #you aint woman enough #agirlwholovesrockstarsfics #Spotify

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manias-wordcount · 7 months ago

Note

THIS HAS BEEN HAUNTING ME FOR MONTHS

Getting mishima off in secret right in front of his beloved phantom thrives? 100/10

Head in the Game (Yuuki Mishima x Reader)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁, 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗮𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗠𝗘!!! 𝘀𝗼 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗱 𝗶 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀, 𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝘀! 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚!! 𝘀𝗺𝘂𝘁, 𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝘅 (𝗺 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴), 𝘀𝗲𝗺𝗶 "𝗽𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗰" 𝘀𝗲𝘅

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

For the longest time, Yuuki didn’t understand why you enjoyed just watching him play video games with his friends so much.

He figured that after the second or third time of you coming over and laying on his bed, listening to him play some console game online in his dorm with Akira and Ryuji, you’d get bored. You’d run out of things to scroll through on your phone. You’d run out of things to read while he’s facing the boring parts. You’d get tired of listening to him yell callouts to Akira or get annoyed that all he can seem to do is yell insults back at Ryuji. It had to happen. It had to happen eventually.

Yet you never did. He always expected that at some point, you’d try to drag him off his games and force him to take you out. Admittedly, he doesn’t do as often as he should- he knows. But you’re usually so content just watching and listening to him play. You offer up your own little comments that his friends can hear over the phone. You ask his friends questions about what he was like in high school. And you always seem to giggle and pull a face at the thought of him being shy or nervous. ‘That’s not the Yuuki I know,’ You would tell them. And it’s true. He’s been more confident since graduating high school. His confidence is what landed him you, after all.

But you would still laugh when Ryuji would share an embarrassing story or two. And you nearly beg Akira to talk about the Old Yuuki - even if they were all in the middle of a match. The point is, you liked this. You liked sitting in his apartment with him, engaging with his old friends, and watching him get his ass kicked in fighting games. You liked these little moments, even when the focus wasn’t on you. In fact, you seemed to like it more when he’d play something with his friends, and he’d have to force his attention off of you. And for that, he couldn’t be more grateful.

Because knowing where he came from, he would have never dreamed of finding a girlfriend who loved him so much that she’d be willing to do just about anything for him.

Including sucking him off while he’s playing games with his friends.

Right now is no different. It’s just another hot, sticky summer night in the middle of the week. You had already slipped your arms out of the straps of your tank top, letting your boobs flow freely as you sit up on your knees. Your lips are wrapped around the head of his cock, and your tongue flicks against it all too eagerly. He wants to ask you to take your shorts off. He wants to ask you to sit on his lap instead and just hold him while he ruts into you as much as he desires. But your tongue moves so quick and so skillfully in moments like these that he can’t say or do or even pay attention to anything.

Even the match he’s currently about to lose.

“Where are you?” Akira’s voice comes over his headphones almost too suddenly, and Yuuki curses under his breath as he’s forced to take his attention off of you. You have the audacity to look up at him with big, round, and innocent eyes as if you’re not the reason why he’s so off today. But he doesn’t have time to deal with you. Not if you could help it, at least.

“P-patio,” He stammers his location out before taking a look around. A second later, he catches his mistake. But by that point, someone had just peaked the corner and started shooting at him. He curses again and returns the fire with his pistol as you decide that’s the perfect opportunity to open your mouth wide and slip his dick further down your throat- distracting him further. “No- wait. Estates! I meant Estates.”

His fingers fly over the buttons of his controller as his character ducks behind a wall. He takes a large sum of damage before he even realizes it, but you’re so busy bobbing your head up and down and up and down that he can’t even think about aiming. His fingers inch to reach out to you. To push you away because he’s growing sensitive? To pull you in because he loves the feeling of your throat closing around him? He doesn’t know.

But what he does know is that you’re the reason why he just lost a shoot-off and died just now. Worst of all, though? It happened just in time for Ryuji to walk in and take the guy out with one clean shot.

“Dude, booo.” Immediately, Ryuji starts to complain the second it happens. The annoyance isn’t well hidden at all. But it’s not like he should have expected anything differently when he plays with these guys. Especially not on the days you start to get bold like this. “You fucking suck today.”

Go figure.

Part of him wants to immediately bite back at the guy- knowing that it was only last week that the blonde’s kill-death ratio was looking pretty similar to his right now. But the other part of him is more preoccupied with dropping his controller to the side of his chair and tangling his hands through your hair, finally deciding that he wants you to take him deeper. You take it in stride. Just a quick, cute little look as your eyes flicker up towards him, and it’s back to letting your licks stretch around his shaft and breathing through your nose as he slides in almost too easily.

“Yeah, you sick or something?” He vaguely hears Akira call over the microphone, and he manages to muster up some kind of response to the question that seems to be enough for everyone at the moment. Ryuji follows it up by mouthing him off- talking about his performance over the past couple of games. But Yuuki is just a little too preoccupied slowly timing his thrusts with your own movements to offer any real quip back.

But that doesn’t really matter. The game is just that- a game. And he talks to his friends often enough that he knows they’ll understand. Maybe Ryuji might even be a little jealous if he tells the truth about why he’s playing so poorly today. But he’s not really thinking about that. He’s not really thinking about anything.

Anything except you, of course. And just how good, sweet, and all too fucking sexy of a girlfriend you are. For being so accepting of his gaming habits. For being so accepting of his friends. For being so kind and loving and patient with him. But most of all?

For giving head so great that he starts to forget about every single thing that isn’t you.

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thyla · 2 years ago

Text

@machine-slays-dragons asked for a steddie fic rec. thought it might be easier to do a post and share. on request there will be no vampire!eddie fics on this list. and also i’m fairly new to steddie so i’m sure a lot of these fics have been read by lots of people. But I will try to stay clear of adding very popular ones to this list. so anz, hopefully there’s at least one fic on this list you haven’t read!! this isn’t even close to everything i’ve read just ones i’ve recently read. so here’s a short fic rec! Also! it’ll be a mixture of fics i’ve read on here and also fics i’ve read over on ao3.

Eddie’s Memory Log or read it here (starting here because I just finished this fic and it’s amazing 😘 go read!) 38,523 words

The only reason Steve volunteers to keep a journal to track Eddie Munson’s skim-milk memories, is because of the twerps. They have school, they can’t commute to the government-protected hospital that’s all the way in the city. That, and they gave Steve this well-rehearsed, tearjerker performance about how grateful they would be. About how grateful Eddie would be. Pfft like shit on a stick, he’ll be grateful. The dude doesn’t even remember how old he is, how the hell is supposed to be grateful for Steve Harrington jotting down notes in binder? But those kids have been through Spielberg-level disaster shit. Steve has too, but they’re just kids. So he’ll do it. He’ll do it for them and only them.

never been kissed (26,726 words)

Someone should... definitely check on how his brain is doing, after Eddie’s confession. Virginity is bullshit anyway, right? Robin told him about it, how it’s a completely made-up societal construct that invalidates a lot of queer people’s sexual experiences, and how toxic it can be to straight relationships too, so he can take her lesson to heart and be normal about it. Totally. “That’s so fucking hot,” he blurts out. Okay Harrington, way to be normal about it!Or, Steve is experienced, and Eddie is a virgin.

in breakable heaven (23,724 words)

"Dustin…” Nancy asks slowly. “Do they know we know?”

“No?” Dustin tries, but the way his voice goes up an octave or two betrays him.

“Dustin.” The girls say in unison.

“Okay, yes, they know you know!” Dustin finally gives in, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. It’s been one long summer and he just wants this thing to be over with already.

"Wait." Robin says. "They don't know that we know they know."

OR: Steve and Eddie are trying to hide their budding relationship, but their friends keep finding out anyway. Things take a turn for the worse when their friends try to mess with them to get revenge (based on Friends s5ep14 The One Where Everyone Finds Out)

slowly learning that life is okay series (35,112 words)

Under a much different circumstance, Eddie would have loved to have Steve’s eyes looking over him like that, would love to have that determination focused on him, but Eddie is very much dying, he knows it, so he smiles at Steve’s misplaced confidence instead, “High expectations, Stevie. Where’d you learn to swing like that anyway?”

“I’ll tell you,” Steve’s voice is a bit shaky, his tone wavering, even as he puts on a brave face, “but you have to stay alive, Munson.”

If he had more strength, he’d consider testing his luck one last time, tease Steve by asking if he swings for Eddie’s team, but- he’s tired.

Dying young. What a fucking nightmare.

Or, what if the Party defeats Vecna in time, and Eddie lives?

There id a Light That Never Goes Out series (73,886 words)

It’s not even the nightmares most of the time. At this point, Steve would totally settle for some up close and personal time in his brainpan with the Upside Down if it meant he could actually fucking sleep.

Crimson and Clover verse (20,685 words)

“There’s no immediate supernatural danger to our universe currently, not at this exact moment. I’ll be sure to let you know if there is. I’m just trying to get a little buzzed and have a good night, okay? Not everyone has to be perpetually horny all the time.” “It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!” Robin says, mock-hurt.

Or, Steve has a bisexual identity crisis and Eddie just wants to make him feel good.

or or or I saw a post about Eddie having a black hankie in his back pocket which in gay hankie code in the eighties meant that you were into S&M.

don’t ruin this on me (2,298 words)

Steve had always loved making his partners feel good. Watching people cum just from his mouth, their legs clamped around his ears–it was his favourite thing.

Or it was, before Eddie Munson ruined it for him. Ruined him..

(Or: Eddie sets out to Destroy Steve in the best way.)

Seems to Satisfy (5,348 words)

“I can’t like… get hard. At all. Since, uhhh -” he trailed off awkwardly.

There was silence, for a second. Steve’s fingers dug into his thighs.

“You… what?” said Eddie, finally.

love is like ghosts (7,780 words)

They stand at the base of a short flight of stairs leading up to the old university library. From everything Steve’s read, it’s one of the most haunted places in Indiana… within a tank of gas’ drive… that would let them in after hours.

“It’s the witching hour,” Eddie says spookily. He’s come up behind Steve, pressing close and wiggling his fingers on Steve’s shoulders.

Steve huffs a laugh and starts double checking his pockets for his share of the gear. Something to focus on that’s not the way Eddie’s breath ruffles his hair and skims over his cheek, raising goosebumps in its wake.

It’s not like he doesn’t like the attention, the closeness, the physicality of Eddie. He does. Probably too much. Especially since they’re just friends. Steve knows he’s not special to be on the receiving end, it’s how Eddie is with everyone.

the lathe (82,547 words)

"This time, do it right. This time Eddie won’t bleed out in his arms, in anyone’s arms. This time, Steve will do it right."

— or, steve relives the day they try to kill vecna over and over, and eddie just can't seem to stop dying. steve finds this totally unacceptable.

flight risk (81,321 words)

Eddie Munson is famous for giving his bodyguards the slip. Enter Steve Harrington. Has this bratty rock star finally met a babysitter that can keep up with him?

Rock My World (23,160 words)

After a lot of nagging from Dustin, Steve agrees to take him to see Eddie’s band, Corroded Coffin, play at the Hideout. He finds himself focused on more than just the music…

—

Or, Steve has a hell of a revelation.

In Your Eyes series (48,965 words)

It was decided then and there in the Buckley residence’s lounge, on their weird Persian carpet while staring up at the off-white ceiling and Robin giggling at his side. He was going to rock Steve Harrington’s platonic world, man. And nothing was going to get in his way.

Or... Eddie notices Steve struggles with touch and in trying to help his new friend, develops feelings along the way.

i don’t ask much (i just want you) (8,224 words)

"The fuck are you doing, Harrington?"

"Getting comfortable." Is the only response Eddie receives before Steve's head lands on his shoulder, half on his chest as he scoots up in the bed. Eddie freezes, mid air guitar solo, and frowns.

"Personal space, dude." He's so proud of his voice for not cracking when he says it, "Heard of it?"

Steve snorts and takes a puff, smoke clouding around his mouth before he blows it away, lips pursed in the air. "Don't think you're one to talk about personal space but I'll move if you want."

the affliction of the feelings (27,203 words)

“Hold on,” Robin interrupts. “Hold on, is this— are you, like. Do you know what masochism is?”

“I know I act like it sometimes, Robin, but I’m not actually fucking twelve,” Steve says.

OR: Eddie has a black hanky in his back pocket.

Steve and Eddie: Alternative ‘First’ meeting (read here on tumblr)

The Shire is NOT on Fire (54,148 words)

The kids convince Steve to take them all to a Renaissance Faire and LARP event. Steve has more fun than he admits. And then Steve has a LOT more fun than he admits.

November Paramedic (read here on tumblr) or on ao3 (25,662 words)

Eddie has had his fair share of fantasies, but none of them involved fucking a paramedic.

Until two years ago.

That's when the "sexy men at work"-calendar got added to his porn stash and orgasms as he knew them changed forever. All the men in the calendar are hot, but none of them hold a candle to the paramedic. He's got this look in his eyes, this slant to his mouth. Like he knows he's the hottest guy in it.

And everything is fine. Everything is great. Eddie's been single forever and he has no idea where he's headed in life, but he's fine.

At least until he's collateral damage in a bar fight after a gig, and none other than his sexy November-paramedic arrives to treat his wounds.

#steddie #steddie fics #steddie fic rec #anztag #*ficrecs

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chlorinecake · 10 months ago

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so, after a couple of hours (days) contemplating this, Darling you gotta share ur writing story with me. (if someone's asked this alrdy my apologies, feed me anything and I'll be grateful). But I'm just so downright curious🙂. i like hearing people's writing journeys and like, I need to know how u found urself here today in terms of your writing because I think about it more often than I should 🤣

─ hayzie

🤍 Hi, Hayzie !! I don’t know why it always gets me so excited whenever I hear from you on here, but anyways, this is such a great question, and I’m flattered by your curiosity :( Here goes my long as frick answer for ya, lovey ~

GROWING UP ⊹ I was homeschooled, and hanging around the house all day led to me picking up a lot of random hobbies, one of which being freelance creative writing. I wrote so many original songs, short stories, and even poems during that time, and I'd say this sort of upbringing is what helped foster the strong love for literature and art I hold in my heart today ⊹

DISCOVERING TUMBLR ⊹ So this is where the story gets interesting. Imagine a 17 year old me introducing my former Kpop-fan sister turned anti to the wonderful era of 4th gen Kpop. She fell in love with the culture all over again, which led to us doing this thing where we would role-play as certain Kpop idols through texts and gifs 🥴...

• So one night as I was looking for a Heeseung gif to send her, I stumbled upon one that looked really high quality, and it so happened to be posted by this page on Tumblr. Though st the time, I had never heard about that app/website before. When I clicked the gif, it took me to this link , and all I remember seeing was a bunch of ~freaky deaky~ warnings, but I scrolled past them (out of curiosity) before actually reading the words, and that’s when I realized "Oh, this is a story about Heeseung that a fan wrote…"

• To this day, I never forgot that story, but like, back then, I didn't even know what "smut" meant 😭 so when the story started describing a sexual scene between Heeseung and the MC, I was honestly a bit uncomfortable to the point that I couldn't even bring myself to finish reading it, yet at the same time, I was so intrigued.

• I ended up telling my sister about Tumblr (after she begged to know where I kept finding those high quality gifs), before she eventually fall into a DEEP hole of K-pop fanfic, which later compelled me to read more fics myself. Our favorite blog back then was @kpophubb, because of how diverse and well written her content was, but I also discovered other blogs like @starrywonie and @hee-pster who really inspired me to wanna start a blog for myself where I'd upload all of my original work, but I was still nervous about it... that is, until my sister told me about her blog, four months after she had already created it that sneaky bitch ⊹

INTRODUCING CHLORINECAKE ⊹ The very next day after my sister told me about her secret blog, I had this surge of motivation to start my own page! Using a short story I found buried in one of my forgotten writing apps, I edited it over night, and got my pictures and title together. I'll admit that I was very nervous at first, as I didn't know what to expect from the people who’d read it, especially considering how it was my first ever original written work to be put online. Fortunately though, I instantly fell in love with the engagement, the environment of Tumblr, and the new people I was meeting along the way... and yeah, that's pretty much how I got here today ⊹

#cc: anons 🎂#🪼. hayzie <3 #enhypen fanfic #writers on tumblr #queued post #kpop ff

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hazzascul · 2 years ago

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Sometimes I go crazy because of my parents.

I'm sure you do too.

Because their expectations even today are so fucking high, and they make me feel really, REALLY shitty after I don't do something that they wanted. They don't appreciate me much, because they think too much of it would go to my head.

I'm never, NEVER in my life ever heard my parents say "I'm proud of you" or "I love you". Never. And I understand that people have different love languages and shit but sometimes they make me feel like they don't have one.

Then one day, my mom goes all out and asks me why I don't share everything with her, or why I'm not her best friend or why I never say I love you to her, or anyone for that matter. And in that moment, all of the times when she didn't listen to me when I shared something, pretended that I don't exist, just rambled on about her day and problems without ever asking about mine. I can't pretend that it doesn't hurt, whenever I'm saying something, she randomly cuts me off, or changed the subject, or comments about how I look, or my body.

It's their fucking fault that I never knew how to say I loved someone. And I'll always unconditionally love them with all my heart, I'd put my life in danger for them, and I'd do anything to keep them safe and happy and comfortable.

But that's not enough! Sometimes, we need to hear words of appreciation, sometimes we need more love than presents because they fucking don't mean anything if I don't spend time with you for God sakes! Not every kid has their ass up their head, or get spoiled if you love them too much, because that doesn't exist. It hadn't happened for so many years, and it won't happen ever.

I am truly grateful, for what they give me, how much they sacrifice to give me and keep me the most comfortable, but man! I don't want that, I just want your attention sometimes, I'd be a lot happier with that than any present you could ever give me.

So, if there's any parents here, please, please I beg you, appreciate your child when they do good things, support them when they fail, and it doesn't hurt to say I love you once in a while yk. Tell them you're proud of them when they're feeling low. And don't always deny them of going out, because it's not always to fuck around, sometimes they need to be with someone who understands them better than you do.

It's hurts to hear, but their friends are more of a help than you can be. If you want that place in your child life, you have to take efforts too, you can't just magically gain that position. Denying them every single time is only gonna sow a seed of resentment for you in their hearts.

And others, I know how it feels to feel like your parents don't love you, or underestimate your problems or don't give you enough credit. If you ever wanna talk about, I'll always be here, for whoever is reading this, if you wanna rant and talk about stuff.

And if anyone doesn't tell you, I will, you're enough, I support you, I love you, and I'll always try to be there for you.

All the love,

Kats❤️

#strict parents #asian parents #expectations #toxic parents #support #please #parents #parenting #bad parenting

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tvrningout-a · 1 year ago

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SO YOU WANNA SHIP | a guide to building relationships with bel's muses

ft. chiyoko hisakawa

difficulty level

platonic: ★★★☆☆ romantic: ★★★★★

WARNING: slow-burn relationship & will tell you horrible puns

chiyoko is a filthy memer and a dad-joke lover, and getting to know her can feel like pulling teeth at times. if you aren't in it for the long haul, that is unfortunate because she's an absolute gem!

general obstacles & overcoming them

having been bullied as a kid, chiyo does not trust very easily, nor does she allow most people to know the real her. she often puts on a mask, changing her personality to suit whoever she's currently dealing with. this makes getting to know her difficult; she will do everything in her power to keep a safe distance from you while still keeping you comfortable and thus fooling you into thinking you know her. say you do get to know her a little, enough to call each other friends. while chiyo will share her interests more freely with you, she will still hesitate to open up. she will keep her feelings to herself rather than be vulnerable with you. chiyo fears being a burden. she would rather suffer alone than push someone away because she was too much to handle yet not enough to try. the solutions to all of these obstacles are consistency and persistence. insist on getting to know her better, push her to open up -- even if she pushes back. and do it every time she tries to shy away. don't let her pull away from you. her insecurities might be loud, but if you keep chipping away at them, they'll go away eventually, and your friendship will be much stronger because of your efforts. in the end, chiyo just needs to see and believe that you care enough to put up with any " trouble " she might cause you.

most effective love languages

while chiyo herself shows she cares through physical touch and acts of service most commonly, words of affirmation and a mixture of quality time/acts of service are most effective when trying to communicate your feelings to chiyo. putting in the time and effort mean the world to her as she's had people in the past who would not do that for her. she believes in " actions speak louder than words. " yet words can impact chiyo greatly if you tell her the right ones. you can tell she's feeling down, that something's off? tell her you're there for her and make it clear that you want to be there. you think to yourself that you're grateful to know her? tell her. say the things most people hesitate to admit aloud, and i promise it will pay off.

romantic obstacles

so you befriended chiyo, and now you're thinking about dating her. well, my friend, get ready for some more work! ever since dating her best friend in high school and ruining their friendship when she couldn't love him back, chiyo has a fear of dating. she would much rather keep her friend and never experience romance than have a significant other who she eventually loses. that being said, chiyo will not act upon her feelings without an outside pressure that forces her to confess or without a great deal of build up. if you want to get anywhere, you either need to be patient or make the first move yourself. don't be ambiguous whatsoever because chiyo will absolutely overthink and become an anxious mess. if any sort of romantic confrontation occurs that does not result in a relationship, please expect chiyo to avoid you for a while until you either confront her or she gets her feelings sorted. for reference, chiyo is demiromantic and bisexual.

polyship obstacles

these obstacles will be pretty much the same as the above, though with a little more insecurity sprinkled in. chiyo is open to the idea of poly relationships as she's seen them in media, and they look appealing, comfortable. yet she knows herself and worries that she may be too insecure to ever be in a poly relationship. if you want to convince her to be in one with you and your partners, it is vital that everyone puts in the work that i have already described, and everyone has an open and honest conversation with her. that is the only way to dismiss any fears she might have.

#drops this on the dash without proofreading bc my brain is fried and i wanna sleep oh my gosh #let me know if there's something i should include! it was just getting long and i felt like i hit the most important points?#i hope at least asdfg #also if this sounds too?? clinical?? or something let me know #i approached it as if i was writing a file but maybe that's not the way to go i dunno #i'm too tired to have great judgement rn weeps #headcanons | chiyoko

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demetriandelibinaryboyfriends · 1 year ago

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@ckfemslashnetwork

COBRA KAI SAPPHIC SUMMER WEEK 1 GOLDEN

***

HEY YALL

So uh. Remember that 10-minute All Too Well YasMoon fic that I’ve been teasing for well over a year now ???

WELL

LO AND BEHOLD!!! A few months ago, I started writing more than just lil ficlets and started creating this bad boy in FULL!!! So for cksapphicsummer, I’m posting a proper preview because a) fall color is a big thing here and it kinda accidentally fits the “Golden” prompt perfectly and b) god. I’m so proud of this funky little snippet. I’ve had so much fun working on this angstfic and I HAD to share my progress with someone. Writing the out-of-order slow burn of Moon becoming a simp who’s in way over her head has been fantastic tbh.

Also she only gets a mention here, but I had WAY too much fun creating Rosalie, Yasmine’s older (and to most everyone’s mind much cooler) influencer sister. Actually might end up including her in unrelated YasMoon fics too, because god, am I a sucker for sibling character foils :O Also it’s not fair that only Sam gets to have a sibling!!! Like give the other kids siblings!!!

…ironically, despite how spoiled she seems to be, Yasmine is one of the few Cobra Kai kids who doesn’t give off huge Only Child vibes XD Like idk. Idk. So much of Her Whole Deal strikes me as Bratty Overcompensating Younger Sister behavior XD

@karatecaulfield BIG pspsps, here’s a preview from A Big Fic coming up!!!

Preview under the cut!!! Enjoy :3

CW for some pretty crude language, and a character shouting a slur basically for shock value. But it’s one that applies to said character, so…I guess it’s reclaiming?

***

“You can travel the world But nothing comes close to the golden coast”

They were belting the lyrics as Yasmine swerved down mountain roads, rounding bends at what couldn’t possibly be a safe speed. It was times like these she thought she was invincible—away from the suffocating smog, under an endless blue sky, surrounded by fresh mountain air, free from the rest of the world’s expectations. Moon couldn’t tame her if she tried.

“Once you party with us, you’ll be falling in love…”

Moon glanced at Yasmine, and the words melted in her mouth. She burst out laughing.

Yasmine was never that unperturbed. She was all confidence and composure and power, holding onto her throne with tooth and manicured nail. Now she was just a silly, dancing teenager, shimmying back and forth and rocking her head from side to side like some kind of puzzled bird. One arm flailing about like the tube men outside of car dealerships while the other drifted on and off the steering wheel to lazily make turns.

She was grinning like she left all her inhibitions in LA.

“California girls, we’re unforgettable Daisy dukes, bikinis on top Sunkist skin so hot we’ll melt your popsicle”

Yasmine affectionately jabbed Moon’s tanned arm. Moon took a moment to be grateful the very ever-present spray-tan responsible was probably also hiding her blush.

“California girls, we’re undeniable Fine, fresh, fierce, we’ve got it on lock West Coast represent, now put your hands up!”

Yasmine did exactly that, whooping for several seconds. Moon worried they were going to hit the guardrail.

West Valley High’s queen bee self-corrected at the last possible moment, just like always. She grabbed the wheel and they made the turn.

There was something so exhilarating about her when she was like this. When she wasn’t projecting an image that didn’t match what was inside. Her voice was off-key and her movements were the opposite of graceful and every bit of control she usually gripped onto with iron strength flew out the window and into the alpine air.

And somehow, it felt like it used to when Moon finally came home after a long, shitty day of middle school, surrounded by stuck-up classmates and scornful, apathetic teachers. It felt like relief.

The song ended, and an ad came on from that annoying kick-the-competition auto dealer guy. As Yasmine complained for the seventh time about her parents not getting Spotify Premium, Moon looked out the window.

The road to Big Bear had more fall color than she’d ever seen. Only 20 miles outside of LA, and it was a whole different world—cherry reds and fiery oranges and sunset golds mixed into the deep green of impossibly tall pine trees.

It was all so foreign to her, always immersed in year-round flowers and greenery and subtropics. It seemed like something out of a Sunday morning dream, or a good shrooms trip. Strange—unnatural, perhaps—but tranquil all the same.

The aspen trees quaked in a sudden breeze. Several golden leaves peeled off their branches, glinting blindingly in the sunlight as they drifted to the ground.

Moon couldn’t quite explain it, but something felt just right. The energy…it was somehow perfectly aligned, all the stars and moons and planets in position for her to be driving off on a wilderness adventure with Yasmine Pyne.

The universe itself was humming in concord, like everything else that came before and after revolved around that moment.

Like it was the beginning of something too immense to see.

“What’re you gawking at?” Yasmine’s voice had a teasing snicker in it. “Have you never been to the mountains before?”

Moon shrugged. “Not since I was little. We only ever drove up here in the summer, though.”

“God, you should see your face.” There was a note of derision in Yasmine’s voice, but Moon barely noticed. “You look like you popped an E tablet or something.”

“Sorry, it’s just…” Moon smiled, shaking her head. “The trees are so beautiful. They’re reminding me of the healing crystals I still need to buy.”

“Um, what? Where is the connection there?”

Moon turned. The bridge of Yasmine’s nose was scrunched against her eyebrows, the way it always did when she was completely perplexed.

“The colors, Yas.” Moon couldn’t help but laugh. “The leaves look like citrine. Or…” Her gaze strayed back out the window. “Empowering jasper. Or harmonizing tiger’s eye. Or vitality ruby. There’s so many hues!”

“You are so weird, girl.”

Yasmine laughed, but there was no disdain in it this time. It was an affectionate kind of amused—amusement at Moon’s expense, perhaps, but with an underlying fondness that caught her off-guard.

Moon looked at the autumn trees zipping by, fiery shades gleaming almost as brightly as gemstones in the alpine sun. She started to shift them in her mind, imagining clusters of leaves as giant, glimmering jewels instead. A whole forest of ruby and citrine and jasper and tiger’s eye and topaz and carnelian, polished stones budding from the ends of delicate white branches. A beautiful, serene place, quiet and peaceful. A place of healing. No sound save birdsong and babbling creeks.

She wondered how much more vivid the image would be with caps.

“I’d actually love to trip out here,” she admitted. “It’d be like…the most spiritual thing ever. I feel like there’s a certain kind of ‘oneness with the universe’ around these trees, you know?”

“What, and then wander off the side of a cliff because you’ve convinced yourself you can fly? No thanks.”

Moon sniggered. Yasmine couldn’t sugarcoat something if she tried.

She didn’t pull punches when it came to teasing out the worst-case scenario and she never hesitated when deciding that’s what would inevitably happen.

A wooden sign post flitted past. Moon pressed her palm into the window glass, eyes widening.

A trailhead.

“Let’s go for a hike!”

The words spouted from Moon before she could stop them. She blinked, wholly unsure where the sudden determination came from.

Yasmine spluttered, uncharacteristically lost for words.

“Please,” Moon added plaintively. “Just a short one?”

“Why?” Yasmine demanded, finally finding her voice.

Moon bit her lip, staring at the dashboard.

“I’ve never been.”

“You’ve never been hiking in Big Bear.”

Yasmine scoffed, punctuating the statement with a smack to the steering wheel.

“Nope.” Moon chuckled nervously, hoping this wasn’t something Yasmine decided was worthy of giving her shit about.

Her friend only snorted in disbelief. “You haven’t been hiking up here,” she said again. “Aren’t your parents like…tree-hugging mega-hippies or something? Seems like they’d be all about that meditative outdoorsy shit.”

Moon laughed, shaking her head. “Well, they’re more like…smoke-a-bunch-of-stuff-in-a-sweat-lodge-and-see-the-entire-pagan-pantheon kind of hippies. Not really the one-with-nature kind of hippies.”

“But you are, huh?”

Yasmine raised her eyebrows, and Moon’s cheeks grew hot.

“I don’t know. I guess so. Nature calms me down when I’m stressed. Helps unblock my root chakra when it gets a little clogged.”

They passed a particularly beautiful grove of red maple trees, and Moon sucked in her breath.

“If we could just…stop and take a little walk somewhere…”

“Mooooon.” Yasmine dragged her name into a whine. “I’m wearing designer boots. If I get too much dirt on them, my mom will skin me alive and use my eviscerated corpse to make another pair.”

“Oh my god.” Moon snickered. “Don’t be so dramatic. Your mom is nice! She’s not going to flip out over a little dust.”

“You don’t know her,” Yasmine grumbled.

“I’ll take the blame if she gets mad. Promise.” Moon gave her friend her most pleading look. “I’ll say…I don’t know. I got you really high and we ran around in the dirt or something. But mountain trails aren’t usually that dirty! At least I don’t think.”

Yasmine whimpered, glancing from the car clock out the window and back again.

At the next trailhead, Yasmine slammed the brakes. Moon yelped, lurching forward as the range rover screeched to a stop in a pullover surrounded by soaring pines and gold-tinged scrub bushes.

“Oh, fuck it. Rosalie’s not expecting us until 4 anyways.”

Moon smiled at her lap. She got the feeling Yasmine could have fought her harder.

***

“Tell me a secret.”

“What?” Moon’s sandals dug into the trail, grinding her to a halt.

“Tell me a secret.” Yasmine turned, hair backlit by mountain sunshine. “Come on. If you’re going to insist we trek out into the middle of buttfuck nowhere, you’d better have some juicy gossip for where absolutely no one can hear us.”

She leaped onto a nearby boulder with surprising grace, boots deftly clinging to the gaps in a way that suggested she hadn’t always been as averse to physical exertion as she was now.

“DICK AND BALLS!” Moon was completely unprepared for her friend to cup her mouth and shout at the top of her lungs. “MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING SHITHEADS! GODDAMN PUSSY-EATING DYKES! I’LL PISS IN YOUR MOUTH!”

The forest only answered Yasmine’s abundance of profanity with wind, songbird calls, and one or two annoyed crows. Not another human soul to be heard.

“See?” Yasmine turned, her grin conniving. “No one’s going to hear any of this shit besides us. You can literally say anything you want out here. It’d be a waste not to spill some tea.”

She spread her arms, and for a moment, she looked like a bird. An elegant, dainty little yellow warbler, about to take flight or break into song.

“No one can fuck with us out here!” she crowed. For a moment, Moon felt almost as free as her.

Moon laughed, shaking her head. She hadn’t known what to expect from the blonde girl in the yellow designer sundress, making snide comments in her math class, but these unrestrained dramatics were definitely not it.

“So come on, then.” Yasmine scaled down the rock as easily as she’d climbed it. “Tell me something scandalous, Moon.”

Moon frowned, quickening her pace to catch up. “Why?”

“Because. Maybe I want to get to know the girl I’m hauling up into the mountains to see my sister, huh?”

“We don’t need deep, dark secrets for that, do we?”

“Not technically, but I’m bored of all the other shit.” Yasmine groaned. “‘Where’d you go to middle school, did you grow up here, do you have any brothers or sisters,’ blah blah blah. We covered all the small talk crap when we ditched for brunch. I want something more interesting.”

Moon’s cheeks grow hot. “I don’t know if I’m hiding anything that interesting.”

“Oh, bullshit.” Yasmine turned, gray-green eyes boring into Moon. The blonde started walking backwards just in front of her friend, maintaining very intense and very judgmental eye contact the entire time. “Everyone’s got a little dirt on them, Moon. You just have to scrape it up.”

Feeling a sudden rush of bravery (perhaps the empowering jasper-colored leaves were to blame), Moon crossed her arms and returned Yasmine’s smirk. “And why should I give you my dirt?”

“Because.” Those stormy irises had a cunning gleam in them. “What’s a few secrets between best friends?”

“Best friends!” Moon laughed in surprise. “We barely know each other. And I’m your—well, I mean.” She found herself stumbling over her words. “What about everyone else at the table? Your middle school crew?”

“Oh, well.” Yasmine rolled her eyes dismissively. “Jenna, Harper, Aubrey—they’re all fake as fuck. Dumb sluts are using me to get a taste of what it’s like at the top. I know the knives come out whenever my back’s turned.” Her lips curled into a sneer. “It’s whatever, honestly. I’d just as soon get rid of them as soon as they stop making us look good. But you…”

For the first time in a while, the scornful look dropped completely.

“You’re different, Moon. You’re…real. Not basic and boring like every other bitch that follows me around.”

If Moon’s cheeks weren’t on fire before, they certainly were now.

“You really mean that?”

“Yeah, duh. I wouldn’t take you out here if you weren’t worlds better than all the other losers at our trash-ass school. Now…”

The genuine look that briefly shone through morphed into a smirk. Mood wondered if she’d imagined it.

Yasmine leaned forward, smirk widening. Without warning she grabbed both of Moon’s hands, tangling their fingers together as she continued to effortlessly saunter backwards. “Tell me a secret, Moon.”

“I…”

Moon could feel what was hovering just behind her lips. The words threatening to tangle with the mountain air and wash over Yasmine like a cold breeze, causing her hands to jerk away and her face to twist in that oh-so-familiar disgust.

I’m not normal.

It was something in the way that all through elementary school—and all through the turbulent tides of middle school, too—her eyes weren’t only drawn by soccer players showing off at recess, or the track stars who could run more gym class laps than anyone. Boys who dripped confidence like sweat and gleamed like fresh-minted coins, the names inside the hearts every girl doodled.

Just as often she found herself drawn to the ballet dancers and the child beauty pageant winners and the sirenlike voices of the girls in choir. Often as not, her mind was on billowing hair and purple nails and the scent of fruit shampoo as much as the testosterone and cologne of the ever-boisterous boys.

And it was a fascination that went beyond friendship. Moon knew that much.

She was able to join in with the other girls, gushing about the guys they liked and making bets on who would ask who to the next dance. But there was always half of it left unsaid.

She’d never told a soul. Not her easygoing parents. Not her middle school gang. No one. It was an anomaly that belonged to her and her alone.

And Moon wasn’t about to drive away her newest friend, in all her power and mystique and sheer magnetic energy.

Yasmine must’ve seen the gears turning behind her eyes. She groaned, yanking especially hard on Moon’s hands with an exaggerated eyeroll.

“Oh, fine. I’ll go first if you’re not gonna spill.”

Moon raised her eyebrows. “That was an option?”

Yasmine scoffed. “I mean, if you’re just going to stand there looking constipated…”

Moon couldn’t find a response.

Which probably made her look even more constipated.

“I don’t actually wake up like this.” Yasmine grinned mischievously, giving those flawless yellow locks of hers a graceful flip. “And it’s not Maybelline, either. I have to wake up at 5 fucking o’clock every morning to straighten this bitch. But better that than go to school looking like a fucking hobo.”

Moon laughed.

“So you don’t wake up with perfect hair? That’s not very scandalous.” Yasmine gasped, sounding half offended. “It is if you’re someone with my rep!”

“Well, if it’s that important to you…” Moon sniggered. “I won’t tell anyone. But for what it’s worth, I think the other kids would be impressed you put so much time into looking perfect.”

“Oh, no way. They need to think it’s like…an inherent part of my personality that I’m flawless and untouchable. Otherwise they might start getting ideas about replacing me if they style their hair for long enough.”

She had to laugh again.

“I don’t think you need to worry. The entire school knows they could never hold a torch to you.”

For a moment, uncertainty flickered through those stormcloud eyes.

Like the fear of being dethroned was greater than Yasmine let on.

“Damn right,” she said, smug expression returning. She tugged Moon’s hands again, bringing the girls close enough that Moon could smell traces of the strawberry-and-nutella crepes she had for breakfast.

“Your turn,” she purred.

“Um…”

Moon paused, pushing thoughts of her unspoken strangeness away. Yasmine didn’t need to know that.

“I’m worried that people think I’m kind of stupid,” she said instead.

Yasmine looked genuinely thrown off for a moment.

“What do you mean?”

Her expression turned…not serious exactly, but more thoughtful and curious than Moon was used to. None of its usual smugness.

“My friends from middle school, they—they all went to these private Ivy League prep schools. I, uh…I think some of their parents bribed their way in, but some of them were genuinely just that smart. Either way, my parents weren’t willing to pull strings to get me in. They’re really, um…‘go with the flow’ in a way that they, like, don’t like to exert a lot of effort on anything they don’t need to. Which includes keeping me with my friends, I guess.”

Moon took a breath, almost hoping Yasmine would interrupt.

Yasmine didn’t. Only waited with uncharacteristic patience for her to finish.

“I told them at 8th grade continuation I didn’t make it into Harvard-Westlake. They, um…they looked at me like I was some kind of reject. And they started talking about all the things they were gonna do in high school.” Moon winced at the memory. “Kelsey was gonna learn Latin. Rachel was gonna get into Hollywood. Tess was gonna figure out how to become like…some political diplomat or something. And I guess it was just like…we’d been together through the thick and thin of everything, and suddenly I was some dumb bimbo who wasn’t even worthy of licking the dirt they stepped on. And after that night, I never heard from any of them again.”

Yasmine’s only response was a curled lip. “Ew.”

Moon’s stomach sank. “You think I’m also…?”

Yasmine’s scowl deepened. “No, your stupid friends. They sound like a load of self-righteous bitches.” She scoffed. “Girl, you’re well-rid of them. You stuck around and they’d try to make you into a fucking lame loser nerd just like them. Who the fuck uses Latin in their day-to-day existence, anyways?!”

Moon found herself laughing.

“Yeah, I guess Kelsey was always kind of prissy that way.”

“Half the shit they teach in high school doesn’t matter in the real world, anyways.” Yasmine rolled her eyes. “And yeah, even at prep schools, too. Take all the acting classes and political science you want, but if you don’t know someone important in the industry, you’re not getting shit. The world runs on nepotism, so…your old bitches are going to get fucked over so bad.”

Something about Yasmine’s overconfident scorn soothed her. No one who spoke that surely could be wrong…right?

Moon chuckled. “Is it bad that I kind of hope they do?”

“Nah. Would serve the dumb fucks right.” Yasmine’s smirk returned—bigger than any she’d worn all afternoon. “I should be thanking them, really. They ditched by far the coolest person in their group, and now I get you all to myself.”

Moon only hoped Yasmine didn’t see how red her own cheeks were turning.

“For the record, though…”

Yasmine seemed to search her face, expression suddenly unreadable.

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I mean…not that it matters anyways, because pretty people get jobs more than smart people do, but being good at the crap they teach in school doesn’t mean anything. Being able to read people, knowing who you can open up to and who’s a damn snake, figuring out how to talk people into giving you what you want…that’s what matters. And you’ve got more intuition than anyone I’ve met in a long time.”

Well, if having intuition was what mattered…

Moon only hoped she was reading Yasmine right.

***

Some random author’s notes, in no particular order:

Love that Yasmine is canonically a terrible driver. Like she accidentally kick-started the entire plot because her dumb ass was texting and driving and rammed right tf into Johnny Lawrence’s car. I have every reason to believe she’s this bad of a driver in every situation 💛 Absolute trash queen 👑

Writing S1 Yasmine is so much fun because she’s SO unapologetically shitty, like. You can have her say the most deranged shit and it’s completely in character??? Delightfully challenging to figure out how fucking anyone could fall inconsolably head-over-heels for her, especially someone as naturally good-natured as Moon!!! Like she was simping—I know it in my soul—but how the FUCK did that happen???

Also no I absolutely do not count Demetri’s “feelings” as falling inconsolably head-over-heels for her—mans was faking being straight to get Miguel not to abandon him and then felt he had to Commit To The Bit. I WILL die on this hill btw.

On a related note, though!!! I’ve probably watched the S1 Yasmine scenes DOZENS of times for this fic (not a single fucking one without her girlfriend btw), and after a while you start to pick up on some like…unexpected softness you didn’t notice before? Like she seems genuinely pleased Sam is enjoying throwing her party! She plays wingwoman and sets Sam up with Kyler! (Granted, there could have been ulterior motives here—namely distracting Sam so she doesn’t notice That Gay Shit going on between her two new best friends—but the act in of itself didn’t seem malicious.) She’s a tad overprotective of Moon when she believes Sam has been talking crap, and tells Sam to get the hell out of Moon’s car!!! She genuinely looks hurt when Moon chooses Hawk and Co. over her!!! Like it’s few and far between, but she definitely seems to care about her friends on some level, even at her worst. With that in mind, it’s a lot easier to write Moon getting smitten with her!

Adding onto this—rewatching the S1 Yasmine clips, it’s kind of striking how often she refers to herself and Moon as a unit, especially during the 1x05 car scene with Sam. “Kyler told us what you said.” “You think you’re better than us.” “We know what went down.” She says “Moon, let’s go” when about to ditch the beach party instead of just storming off because of course she’s not leaving without Moon (who she chose to stay with over going with Kyler btw!). She doesn’t even consider it a possibility until Moon outright says it. Not only is this a cool parallel to a thing S1 Demetri also does (I.e. frequently uses “we” to speak for both him and Eli from a place of misguided-ish overprotectiveness and the confidence that “I know what’s best for both of us as a unit”), but this is something a lot of long-term couples I know irl tend to do!!! When I talk about movies with my roommate, he tends to say “we (I.e. him and his fiancé) did/didn’t like it.” When my married friend thanked me for catsitting, he said “we really appreciate it.” Point being that even at her absolute worst, Yasmine is never actually just thinking about herself—she’s thinking about herself and Moon, right up until Moon chooses to ditch her! Anyways yeah these girls were a Thing sorry. If they have a tendency that immediately calls to mind my married and engaged friends, that’s. A little gay???

Also worth noting that Yasmine only really breaks from Moon in 1x09, and then as SOON as she appears again in S3, she’s once again glued to Moon’s hip. Girl literally cannot stay away from Moon akfssrfuhbi

But all that aside!!! S1 Yasmine genuinely sucks so bad. Like GIRL. You fat-shamed a girl for no fucking reason. You verbally eviscerated an ugly sweater kid just minding his business and probably jump-started his Evil Journey tbh. You slut-shamed your ex-friend all over the internet after she almost got sexually assaulted. You cut off your closest friend and fuck buddy because she dared to ask you to stop being horrid. What in the actual hell is wrong with you. I am horrified and fascinated. I want to study Yasmine like a bug.

And I am, via this fic!!! God, am I having a blast with it. Fully intend to continue delving into why she’s the actual fucking worst and giving her the nuance the showrunners never bothered with 💛

I spent like 3 hours researching “prep schools” in the San Fernando Valley, and watched a whole-ass tour video for Harvard-Westlake to determine what Moon’s shitty (or shittier) ex-friends went off to study that made her feel inadequate. Please be proud of me for doing a deep dive into this weird niche topic to make my weird niche pairing fic feel authentic XD

Deadass role-playing as an Uber-wealthy Encino parent looking for a good, respectable high school for their spoiled 8th grader was. An incredibly bizarre experience. I do not want kids, I could not afford them even if I did, and I do not have anything anywhere close to a rich suburban husband to discuss a kid’s school options with. I guess this is the essence of trying to explore lived experiences that will never belong to you???

I legitimately do think Moon is smarter than she comes off as (Demetri wouldn’t fuck with her otherwise!) and is somewhat insecure about being seen as “dumb” because she’s bubbly, hyperfemme, conflict-averse, and in touch with her spirituality. I don’t think she likes admitting this, though—she doesn’t like “burdening” others with her own demons!

Considering Yasmine’s “natural” hairstyle in S3 appears to be more wavy, girl probably spent an ungodly amount of time and effort straightening her hair in season 1. Like yeah, she was mean at, but can you blame her??? Bitch was probably running on like 4 hours of sleep a night!

Jenna, Harper, and Aubrey are some of the extras at the Rich Girls Table! I’ve mentioned in other posts, but I’ve always kind of wondered about them, and What Their Deal Was that they’re only sometimes worthy of hanging out with Yasmine XD Git hyped to see more of them in this and other planned YasMoon fics!!!

Continuing to love looking into crystals/spirituality/incense/other kinds of Wiccan-adjacent things I think Moon would be into! As a woman of science, I’m not sure if I buy into that, but I do think it’s genuinely fascinating and fun to explore and research! There’s a lot of pretty cool and interesting belief systems out there to explore when you go in without obsessing over whether something’s 100% true or false and whatnot.

Yes, Californians really do get that hyped about seasons. I would know—I moved there after growing up in the Midwest, and seeing Californians get hyped about seeing snow or massive amounts of fall foliage for the first time is just about the most pure thing ever ;_____; But it’s definitely not out of the question for Moon to get that pumped about fall color aksssdtchh

I kind of love the idea of Moon always knowing she was bisexual, but not building the confidence to proudly tell it to the world until Piper helped her to 💗💜💙

Bitches be holding other bitches’ hands on an isolated hiking trail and think that’s a Straight and Normal thing to do. Like come on. We all know what you are, Yasmine.

Can’t give y’all an exact posting estimate for the whole fic, but I’m not giving up on it anytime soon (having WAY too much fun with this angst to do that!!!) and will try to get the rest of it done as soon as I can!!! Hoping ideally by sometime this coming winter :3

#cksapphicsummer #yasmoon #yasmine x moon #moon x yasmine #yasmine cobra kai #moon cobra kai #fanfic #fanfiction #cobra kai #cobra kai season 1 #(this takes place prior to S1 btw--around the beginning of the girls' freshman year before they were friends with Sam!)#femslash #wlw #lesbian #sapphic

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therubymuse · 2 years ago

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On this day four years ago, something magnificent happened to me. I was only a few months into my transition, and only a month on feminizing hormones. I was in the midst of a 55 hour work week, and only a couple weeks into dating one of the great loves of my life, someone I’m still grateful to be sharing this journey with.

I came out as Morgan, the girl. Now admittedly the name still needed some work, which is why I am now Lily, but something fundamental had changed my view of myself. When I recognized that I was transgender, I had come out as a non-binary person first, because at the time, that was accessible to me, where “girl” hadn’t been, because of some deeply internalized shame.

When I was young, I often found myself socializing with girls and women more than anyone else. Most of my close friends were girls, but I wasn’t allowed to go to their parties or sleepovers, because nobody knew I was a girl yet. Anything feminine that I pursued brought me ridicule and shame, from my fellow classmates, and even from some adults. Eventually, I decided it was best for me to hide those parts, so I created a persona that was quirky and outgoing but suitably masculine to pass society’s expectations. And I wore that costume for fifteen years. All through university. Through my marriage. And into my 30s.

So while I recognized I wasn’t masculine, I hadn’t been ready to accept that I might be feminine, because I would never be accepted as enough when compared to other women. I could never be as attractive, as pretty, or as cute as the women I aspired to. And so I had chosen a different constellation in the galaxy of gender, one that lacked enough definition that surely, I would fit there.

I don’t believe gender can be confined to a spectrum, and certainly not a binary. I think of it more like a galaxy, with incalculable constellations that reach everywhere. And yet I still approached femininity with those cautious footsteps, thinking that if I allowed myself too much, that those ghosts from my past would be awoken, and they would remind me that this was all “just a big mistake”. If I’d let them talk me down, I don’t think I’d be here today, telling you this story.

Transition saved my life, and part of saving it, was accepting my feminine energy. Something I had fought for over half my waking life, only allowing very trusted and very close people to see those parts of me, at a time when I didn’t know what they were or what their presence meant. Four years ago, I woke up to go to work, and put on my work makeup before driving downtown and saddling up to get ready for the day.

And then I saw her, in the mirror. I had been dressing more brightly in the months leading up to that day. My makeup had been getting better, more elaborate. My eyes had gotten brighter and deeper. And who I saw staring back at me, she looked happy. In a way I can’t describe in words and which I hadn’t felt for a very long time. I had a really good cry, seeing her there for the first time. Ruined my makeup and had to do it over again and was late for work. But when I got there, I added “She/Her” as my pronouns to my name badge, and came out to my staff that same day.

In the intervening time, I’ve learned a lot about Lily, the girl. And the several dissociated identities I carry with me, most of them girls. I’ve learned to be comfortable and see myself as feminine even without makeup or hyper-feminine attire. Some might think that, compared to those high-zoot early days of dresses and power makeup and boots, that I’ve given up, but on the contrary, I’m actually closer to my real self than I’ve ever been. What has changed is that I’m comfortable. In jeans, t-shirts, and sweaters, in my cozy-mom aesthetic.

And it all started because, four years ago, after seeing her in the mirror for the first time, I said yes. Forget the years of denial and masking. Forget what the bullies said about you. Forget about the expectations you’ve carried for far too long. Forget the judgmental partners and bigoted friends.

She asked me, are you ready to be that girl?

And I said, I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life.

Happy Transiversary, Lily.

#transition #trans girl #girls like us

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slickshoesareyoucrazy · 2 years ago

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A Not Literally Real But Essentially Real Part (With a Short Reason For Why I'm Sharing It Today)

Yesterday, J and The Boy and G the Psychotic Clown Dog and I took a walk in a county park. There are two parks closer to our home, but we went to the one with the long trail yesterday, sort of as a 'treat.' You know...for G mostly, but for all of us since it's the one we don't go to as much and it's obviously a longer walk outside and a longer time together. We all expected it to be a nice time. As we turned one trail corner, another couple was walking a cute little corgi (we love corgis). All of us focused on the adorable dog, but as they got closer to us, the man half of the couple was someone who emotionally abused and kind of terrorized me seven years ago, back when I considered him a friend. I won't get into the specifics of what he did here, but I guess if you want those details, I probably should talk about it more to deal with it, since even with not seeing him at all for seven years, and never thinking about him at all for most of those seven years, seeing him for maybe 10 seconds yesterday still triggered me. I've written recently about how being lonely in my life has led me to connect to some pretty shitty people. I've never had an easy go of things making and especially keeping friends. So I've fallen for users and narcissists more than my fair share of time in the friendship department across my life. J is the most important and easiest connection I've ever made in my life, and yeah...I've had bad luck with human connection, particularly making lasting friends, but J isn't my only good connection, and I do have some good friends. I really do. So today I'm sharing a piece of my novel, Community, which is the sequel to the first novel I wrote and let other people read, so it's the same characters.

I didn't literally meet my friends A and D this way in middle school, but I DID meet them both in middle school, and they were the first two people to be genuinely kind to me at a new school where I didn't know anyone. I wasn't bullied in elementary school like Jess was, but I did feel separated in a permanent way when I left my old district, and I was really separated for partial days from the other kids while I was there, into a group of me and just boys. Josh Shepard is heavily inspired by my real life bestie, A, and Kurtis Richardson is heavily inspired by my real life dear friend, D, who truly was literally the first person to be nice to me when I moved to my middle/high school school district. I am so grateful for these men. They're real. They befriended me despite how weird and quiet I am, and have always appreciated the quirky shit about me, and have never lied to me, and have never used me. So anyway...this isn't literally real, but it's how I emotionally feel about meeting A and D, and how I feel about their continued friendship and positive, kind, supportive presence in my life. They are my old friends.

Excerpt from Community:

Josh Shepard drew a snake-like, fire-breathing dragon on the slick top of his seventh grade pre-algebra desk in number two pencil. It was incredibly ornate and lifelike, but when Mr. Ramos entered the class with a new student practically hiding behind him, Josh licked his thumb and erased his work, staining his skin, so he looked like he’d just had a thumbprint taken.

“Why don’t you draw that stuff on paper, man? So you can save it? That’s good stuff,” Kurtis Richardson said from the seat to his right. They were the first two students in the first row. Mr. Ramos was known for making his classroom hyper-competitive, which Kurtis thrived on and Josh hated. They were the highest two averages, thus the seating positions. Sometimes Kurtis and Josh switched chairs at the beginning of a week, but they always occupied the first two seats. Three other students sat to Kurtis’s right, but there was an empty seat at the end of the row, because there were only five A’s in the honors class. The rest of Ramos’ tough math section were B’s and C’s.

“Wastes paper. Besides, it’s all up here,” Josh said, tapping his temple with his pencil eraser. “I can recreate that dragon whenever I want. Worst case? I improve on it next time I draw it.”

“You got a real unique view of the universe, Sheep.”

Kurtis and Josh met in preschool, and were virtually inseparable despite their rather significant personality differences. Kurtis was outgoing and popular. Josh kept to himself, mostly. Kurtis was an athlete. Josh was an artist. They were both quite bright, though, and because of their congruent academic talent, they made fast and lasting friends.

“Who’s the new kid?” Josh asked, still unable to see anything around Mr. Ramos but a pair of skinny, denim-clad legs and blue Chuck Taylor sneakers.

“Dunno.”

Jessica Fielding stood staring at the floor, feeling all the eyes in room trying to see through Mr. Ramos to get a good look at her. She usually didn’t register anyone looking at her, but couldn’t be immune to it in an enclosed space where everyone was. She stayed behind her new math teacher and tried to slow her breathing. She felt anxious, and knew she had to calm herself before anyone asked her to speak, or she was sure she wouldn’t make any friends. She’d go too fast. She’d stutter. She’d end up in the same boat she was at her old school. Jessie liked herself, awkward dorkiness and all, but she expected it to be difficult starting over finding other people that she felt comfortable around; that would be comfortable around her. She knew she was an acquired taste. Her own mother had told her so repeatedly. And the kids at her old school, especially the girls, ostracized her for it.

Jess had been part of a select gifted program there; herself and four other students, all boys. She was already inclined to like ‘boyish’ things, and those interests naturally developed and blossomed spending most of her time with only boys. She didn’t like wearing dresses or playing with dolls as a little girl; she liked wearing sneakers and overalls and watching sports and learning how machines worked. She didn’t draw pictures of horses and rainbows and princesses; she drew knights and dragons (but still rainbows). In the first grade, she’d had her hair cut short like Mary Lou Retton. This, added to being part of that program where she was removed from ‘regular’ class for a large section of the school day to be the only girl in a group of boys, triggered the girls in her class to start callingher a boy. Instead of Jess, they called her ‘Jeff.’ That name stuck even after she’d grown her hair back out long. ‘Jeff’ lasted all the way into early seventh grade when she’d left. She didn’t miss her old school at all, but being in a new place made her nervous in equal measure to relieved. She couldn’t help fretting that this new place could be worse.

“Shepard? Richardson? First row? Move on down a seat,” Mr. Ramos said. Kurtis and Josh looked at each other and stacked up their books to move over, already impressed that whoever the new kid was had unseated them in spots one and two.

“Smart new kid,” Kurtis whispered. They took their new desks as a tiny, red-haired girl sat in the far left front row seat. They both smiled at her. She smiled back, but it was an obviously uneasy smile.

“S-sorry.” She apologized for uprooting them on her behalf, and pretty much existing in her current form. She put her head down on the desk, fevered that she’d stammered even just that one word already.

“Not ‘sorry,’” Josh insisted. “You earned the top seat. I shouldn’t have drawn on it like it was mine before you came in,” he said, apologetic himself, still two minutes to the bell.

“You made the dragon?! That’s amazing,” she said clearly, smiling wider now.

“You...can still see that dragon? I thought I...” Josh stared hard at the spot on the desk where he’d drawn, unable to see any residual lines, then at his dark gray thumb.

“Yeah. I’m um...good at that. S-sorry,” she said again.

“Don’t be sorry for what you’re good at. Be proud of it,” Kurtis said. “Whatcher name?”

“Like you’re ever gonna call her by her name...” Josh laughed. This sentence made Jessica panic, wondering what it meant, but she answered him anyway.

“J-Jessica.”

“Ok, J-Jessica. Imma just call you ‘J.’ I’m K. Ramos is gonna say ‘Kurtis Richardson’ on the roll inna second, but I’m K. Yeah?” He nodded at her, his already friendly smile becoming friendlier. She already reminded him of Josh. He’d reacted the same backward, halting way when they’d met as four-year-olds.

“Okay. K. And then you’re…?” she bashfully addressed Josh.

“That’s Sheepherder,” K answered over Josh.

“What?” Jessie said, totally confused.

Josh and Kurtis both chuckled that she seemed to not understand it was a nickname. “I’m Josh. Shepard. Shepard. Y’know? Shepherd’s a sheepherder?”

“Oh. R-right.” Her face turned red, feeling silly and stupid that she took Kurtis so literally.

The bell rang, and Josh leaned over to inform Jessica, “Y’know, K is likely to change up your nickname once he knows you better. Just a warning. I’ll be surprised if just ‘J’ sticks long term.”

“Oh. Well, that’s okay. I mean, y-you guys um...you can call me w-whatever. I don’t care. Long as it’s not mean. Y’know? Like...not mean stuff.”

“K would never ever give somebody a mean nickname. Unless the person was actually mean.”

“That’s enough, Mr. Shepard. Class is up here now,” Mr. Ramos said, knocking the chalkboard with his elbow. “Ok, radicals and exponents...”

“Seriously, Jess...Jess ok?” Josh asked, not much caring if Mr. Ramos called him out again. He wanted to put her at ease; which is the other reason Kurtis called him ‘Sheepherder.’ ‘You’re a real ‘go get the lost lambs’ kinda guy, Sheep.’ Jess nodded, her eyes darting from Josh to Mr. Ramos frantically, fearful he’d get in trouble for her. “We’re gonna be friends. No mean stuff. I promise.” Josh smiled at her, and she felt more comfortable than she’d ever felt at her old school. Josh didn’t make fun of the anxious stutter or her red hair or her perfect math score. And he liked to draw things, just like her. And Kurtis had already given her a nickname. Not Jeff. A nice one. That’s what friends did. She visibly relaxed, and paid attention to the lesson in front of her, even though she’d already gone over radicals and exponents weeks ago in her previous pre-algebra class.

***

“So...tell me ‘bout yerself,” K kindly demanded as he set his tray of square cheese pizza, carrots, corn, and chocolate milk next to Jessica’s. He planted his feet firmly on the floor, turned toward her, engaging in direct eye contact with a goofy grin on his face, and rested his chin in his hand, giving her comical but clearly undivided attention.

“Can you maybe turn the volume down?” Josh said. Kurtis was the stand-out in this new group of three they’d formed, and Josh wanted to keep it a group of three. He loved K, but sometimes, he wanted the opinion of someone more like him; another obvious introvert. He didn’t want K’s ostentatious manner to frighten her away. But he shouldn’t have been so concerned. Jessica was giggling.

“No, don’t,” she laughed. “I like you loud.” Kurtis looked across the table at Josh, his expression saying, ‘How ‘bout that then?’ Josh thought for a moment K might actually stick out his tongue. “Um...I don’t know what to say,” Jess offered.

“Why’d you move here mid-year?” K asked.

“Moved to a bigger house ‘cause...um...baby brother on the way,” she said.

“Yeah? How many brothers and sisters do you have? I have a brother and a sister,” Kurtis informed her. “Big brother, little sister. George and Aisha.”

“Just the baby brother on the way.” She shrugged.

“You’re almost an only child. Were one for a long time. No wonder you’re just like Sheep.”

“No siblings?” she asked her counterpart as he drank his milk directly from the carton without a straw.

“Nope. Just me and my mom.” Josh quickly turned the subject back to Kurtis’s family, because he didn’t want to discuss his own. “George is in high school this year. Aisha’s a fifth grader.”

“Cool,” Jessica said, nodding at Kurtis.

“New baby’s pretty cool,” Kurtis said. “You’ll be able to really teach him stuff and not fight with him. You miss your old friends?”

“What old friends?” she said, shrugging again. Kurtis and Josh looked at each other and made a wordless pact that she’d never say that sentence again. They’d become her old friends.

#personal #fiction and nonfiction #like I told a friend right after it happened yesterday it seems the universe is determined I deal with this shit right now #it's time to find the pattern so I don't repeat it again I guess #grateful for real friends and old friends

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crimberly · 2 years ago

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Rambling here because tumblr feels safer to post on. Also I just want to share the steps I have taken: This is a story about recovery.

Content warning: mental health, depression, body image, transphobia

I feel just like happy-venting. I been recovering from cPTSD and was never diagnosed with a few mental health conditions that would of been very important to know. Like... autism lol. Trauma off-set major burnout that lead me to losing control of my life and suffering major agoraphobia. Like never leaving my home. There were times I could never see myself going outside again, everything gave me panic. I was so unhappy and in this terrible pit. My spouse stepped up and helped me and I was well taken care of. But there where times I felt guilty from where I once had a job and was making our household income to just being incapable of doing necessities like getting groceries or even at one point cleaning. I spiraled, it was bad... Like severe depression not-get-out-of-bed BAD.

Now crim why are you sharing all of this? Because I think talking about recovery is important.

See my life during that time was the roughest. I won’t go into my trauma, I don't want to highlight it and I have boundaries--- but I will add an additional thing that held me back was the company I kept. To go through so much and to have a group of people not uplift me. Friend trauma... is another topic I think should be kept in mind. There was a point that some serious fallout happened over a confrontation I had with someone, lot of the issues revolving around my autism. I was expected to read the room and know my friends where upset with me when I was incapable, and then it just all blew up. Next thing I knew I was ghosted when I told them I needed space to heal from the interaction. My entire friend group I have known since high school just ghosted me.

I blamed myself. Clearly I was a terrible person. I always fucked up. I was unlikable. At least that’s what I told myself at the time. To be frank, if this ever makes the rounds and if you were in that friend group. You were abusers. There were people who called me stupid, I was always the joke. Even when I said I didn't like something you made me feel like I was too sensitive and the only one with a problem. You sat there and held past mistakes over peoples heads. Had unfair expectations, and expected people to adhere to your time but never respected mine. All while I had undiagnosed ASD.

Then I found out I was transgender. My world continued to crumble.

But again this is a recovery story. While yes, most of my friendships are online and even if some hiccups happened. I made new friends. I felt like I was cringey and sometimes I feel like I say dumb things. But the thing is, even if I did, people always held me up and made me feel appreciated and listened to. I started to learn that I was indeed likable. It never made sense to me but this is where a major shift started to happen. There where transphobic people and others that never accepted me. But for those who did and have stayed with me, you helped my trauma riddled brain piece together the pieces of what healthy human friendships actually look like. For that I will always be grateful and hold you all dearly in my heart. Confrontations seemed less and less scary to me. I started to learn that I wouldn’t have people just yell at me if we disagreed. And people just wanted me to feel comfortable and happy.

And the trans thing... OH LET ME TELL YOU BEING TRANS in 2019-2023 (when im writing this) I HAVE LEARNED TO TRULY AND UTTERLY NOT GIVE A FUCK AND SELF LOVE.

When the entire world sometimes feels like it hates you, and you are the center of a “lol culture war”. When everyone looks at you and thinks you are deranged... When your EXISTENCE is political. You learn how to not give a fuck. I will be the first to tell you being trans is harder than being a US Navy sailor/airman. Because surprise, Im a US Navy Veteran, and Im trans. Oh and covid didn’t help my agoraphobia either.

Finding myself and learning that I was trans, meeting healthy friends and getting diagnosed with autism has saved my life. I am the happiest I have been, and I can see more happiness is in store for me in the future. Therapy of course, but I have been going to therapy for years even when I shut down. I have been in therapy since I was in the military back in 2015. But what has truly saved my life is just embracing myself and learning that I am important. How can I be a good friend/partner/caregiver if I cannot love myself and let myself just be who I am? This of course took years and time to gather my thoughts around, I still struggle with dysphoria and body image issues, but I no longer internally abuse myself. Instead I go “oh Im not where I would like to be but I will get there maybe.” So I started buying what I want, I started doing my hair how I want. TRANS JOY is important. I got with a doctor who has helped me learn a lot of what I did was just autism. I started working out to feel good for the HEALTH benefits and not for body-image issues. I eat things that make me feel good and that I like. I take care of myself now, even if I still struggle.

I also have learned I never was a bad person, I was just autistic. My body didn't feel like mine? Shit I m trans. Feel like Im cringey and I say stupid things? It ok your friends still care and enjoy your company, they will tell you if you go over boundaries. The world started to feel less scary. Covid? Do what you can to personally be safe and responsible. Mask up, wash your hands. Its ok if you dont wanna talk or engage with people in the store. Take headphones to ignore everyone and just get your shampoo and go.

People became less scary. Someone passes by you and they give you a funny look? Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe they are having a bad day. Im in a public space Im ok. If I bother them...oh well, Im here for milk. If I bother them while buying milk that says more about them than me. But I digress. Recovery is like a roller coaster and it takes a very long time. I started taking walks. Started sitting in the car. Told myself if I was scared of driving I would drive when not many people where on the road. But you see where this is going. Learning who I am, loving who I am. Forgiving myself is what got me here. But that took time and effort, therapy and changing my social circles. But today I went to the store, got my medication, I made a hair appointment and I will be going by myself. I have stuffed animals with scent-disks in them that help me unwind when home. And now I’m contacting a community college to start going for a summer mini-semester. A year ago I could never see myself doing any of this.

But you know what I think about now that I don’t use all that energy mentally hurting myself? I want to go on hikes, I wanna ride bikes. I wanna go out and see the world. I want to meet people. I want to explore. I don’t just wanna experience it in a video game, I want to live these things that make me feel alive. I want to draw, share stories, have good times. I want to experience sunlight, I want to see a field of flowers--- so much more--- I want to live.

And before covid, I could not leave my bed and going to go get my mail gave me a panic attack.

I just wanted to share this. Maybe it wont go anywhere or reach anyone, maybe it will. But I just want you all to know you matter and embracing joy and love is life saving. Recovery is not easy. Recovery takes time. It’s rocky, messy and feels so unpredictable. However if you are ever in that pit, and feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That you feel incapable to get where you wanna be. I will be honest with you, Im autistic I refuse to beat around the bush. It all starts with steps. Small steps and knowing that there is fulfilling experiences waiting for you.

You never know who you will meet, who will become a friend, and what little joys you will experience.

#trigger warning #transphobia #mental health #agoraphobia #trauma #ptsd #anxiety #recovery #hopeful #personal #i am pouring my heart out in this legit #maybe this will be hopeful for someone #growth #content warning #body image #uhhh is there anything else that might be missing my bad #nervous to post this ngl

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