#i am pouring my heart out in this legit

[crimberly]

Rambling here because tumblr feels safer to post on. Also I just want to share the steps I have taken: This is a story about recovery.

Content warning: mental health, depression, body image, transphobia

I feel just like happy-venting. I been recovering from cPTSD and was never diagnosed with a few mental health conditions that would of been very important to know. Like... autism lol. Trauma off-set major burnout that lead me to losing control of my life and suffering major agoraphobia. Like never leaving my home. There were times I could never see myself going outside again, everything gave me panic. I was so unhappy and in this terrible pit. My spouse stepped up and helped me and I was well taken care of. But there where times I felt guilty from where I once had a job and was making our household income to just being incapable of doing necessities like getting groceries or even at one point cleaning. I spiraled, it was bad... Like severe depression not-get-out-of-bed BAD.

Now crim why are you sharing all of this? Because I think talking about recovery is important.

See my life during that time was the roughest. I won’t go into my trauma, I don't want to highlight it and I have boundaries--- but I will add an additional thing that held me back was the company I kept. To go through so much and to have a group of people not uplift me. Friend trauma... is another topic I think should be kept in mind. There was a point that some serious fallout happened over a confrontation I had with someone, lot of the issues revolving around my autism. I was expected to read the room and know my friends where upset with me when I was incapable, and then it just all blew up. Next thing I knew I was ghosted when I told them I needed space to heal from the interaction. My entire friend group I have known since high school just ghosted me.

I blamed myself. Clearly I was a terrible person. I always fucked up. I was unlikable. At least that’s what I told myself at the time. To be frank, if this ever makes the rounds and if you were in that friend group. You were abusers. There were people who called me stupid, I was always the joke. Even when I said I didn't like something you made me feel like I was too sensitive and the only one with a problem. You sat there and held past mistakes over peoples heads. Had unfair expectations, and expected people to adhere to your time but never respected mine. All while I had undiagnosed ASD.

Then I found out I was transgender. My world continued to crumble.

But again this is a recovery story. While yes, most of my friendships are online and even if some hiccups happened. I made new friends. I felt like I was cringey and sometimes I feel like I say dumb things. But the thing is, even if I did, people always held me up and made me feel appreciated and listened to. I started to learn that I was indeed likable. It never made sense to me but this is where a major shift started to happen. There where transphobic people and others that never accepted me. But for those who did and have stayed with me, you helped my trauma riddled brain piece together the pieces of what healthy human friendships actually look like. For that I will always be grateful and hold you all dearly in my heart. Confrontations seemed less and less scary to me. I started to learn that I wouldn’t have people just yell at me if we disagreed. And people just wanted me to feel comfortable and happy.

And the trans thing... OH LET ME TELL YOU BEING TRANS in 2019-2023 (when im writing this) I HAVE LEARNED TO TRULY AND UTTERLY NOT GIVE A FUCK AND SELF LOVE.

When the entire world sometimes feels like it hates you, and you are the center of a “lol culture war”. When everyone looks at you and thinks you are deranged... When your EXISTENCE is political. You learn how to not give a fuck. I will be the first to tell you being trans is harder than being a US Navy sailor/airman. Because surprise, Im a US Navy Veteran, and Im trans. Oh and covid didn’t help my agoraphobia either.

Finding myself and learning that I was trans, meeting healthy friends and getting diagnosed with autism has saved my life. I am the happiest I have been, and I can see more happiness is in store for me in the future. Therapy of course, but I have been going to therapy for years even when I shut down. I have been in therapy since I was in the military back in 2015. But what has truly saved my life is just embracing myself and learning that I am important. How can I be a good friend/partner/caregiver if I cannot love myself and let myself just be who I am? This of course took years and time to gather my thoughts around, I still struggle with dysphoria and body image issues, but I no longer internally abuse myself. Instead I go “oh Im not where I would like to be but I will get there maybe.” So I started buying what I want, I started doing my hair how I want. TRANS JOY is important. I got with a doctor who has helped me learn a lot of what I did was just autism. I started working out to feel good for the HEALTH benefits and not for body-image issues. I eat things that make me feel good and that I like. I take care of myself now, even if I still struggle.

I also have learned I never was a bad person, I was just autistic. My body didn't feel like mine? Shit I m trans. Feel like Im cringey and I say stupid things? It ok your friends still care and enjoy your company, they will tell you if you go over boundaries. The world started to feel less scary. Covid? Do what you can to personally be safe and responsible. Mask up, wash your hands. Its ok if you dont wanna talk or engage with people in the store. Take headphones to ignore everyone and just get your shampoo and go.

People became less scary. Someone passes by you and they give you a funny look? Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe they are having a bad day. Im in a public space Im ok. If I bother them...oh well, Im here for milk. If I bother them while buying milk that says more about them than me. But I digress. Recovery is like a roller coaster and it takes a very long time. I started taking walks. Started sitting in the car. Told myself if I was scared of driving I would drive when not many people where on the road. But you see where this is going. Learning who I am, loving who I am. Forgiving myself is what got me here.  But that took time and effort, therapy and changing my social circles. But today I went to the store, got my medication, I made a hair appointment and I will be going by myself. I have stuffed animals with scent-disks in them that help me unwind when home. And now I’m contacting a community college to start going for a summer mini-semester. A year ago I could never see myself doing any of this.

But you know what I think about now that I don’t use all that energy mentally hurting myself? I want to go on hikes, I wanna ride bikes. I wanna go out and see the world. I want to meet people. I want to explore. I don’t just wanna experience it in a video game, I want to live these things that make me feel alive. I want to draw, share stories, have good times. I want to experience sunlight, I want to see a field of flowers--- so much more--- I want to live. 

And before covid, I could not leave my bed and going to go get my mail gave me a panic attack.

I just wanted to share this. Maybe it wont go anywhere or reach anyone, maybe it will. But I just want you all to know you matter and embracing joy and love is life saving. Recovery is not easy. Recovery takes time. It’s rocky, messy and feels so unpredictable. However if you are ever in that pit, and feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That you feel incapable to get where you wanna be. I will be honest with you, Im autistic I refuse to beat around the bush. It all starts with steps. Small steps and knowing that there is fulfilling experiences waiting for you.

You never know who you will meet, who will become a friend, and what little joys you will experience.

[evansbby]

I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…

[teyamsgrl]

Okey u said request angst so here I am! I’ve been non-stop thinking abt the idea that Neteyam left his love behind when the Sullys left for Awa’atlu. So what I’m thinking is he promises her that he’ll return and she waits and hopes, and hopes and waits and one day he appears to her when she visits the spirit tree and it’s kinda fluffy for a minute but then it sinks in that he’s never coming back to her </3

THIS SHATTERED MY HEART WTF 😭 I LEGIT CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS OH MY GAWWWWD

this is also gonna be more of a blurb style in the way of length

when will i see you again? ✧ neteyam

°˖➴ warnings: fem omatikaya reader, neteyam death mentions, to sum it up: sad 🫠 - yawne: beloved

it had been almost 7 months since your mate had left for awa'atlu with his family. it had been hard without him, you wanted to go with them desperately but it was something that was much easier said than done. neteyam's last words to you ring through your head each day that passes, "i promise, yawne, i will be back before you know it to come visit. i promise i will be with you again soon". you couldn't help but wonder what was happening in awa'atlu, you figured it would maybe be 2-3 months before neteyam returned for a visit, but 7 was pushing what you had assumed.

having been down in the dumps all day, you decided a visit to the tree of souls would be a good way to unwind and bring you some comfort. upon settling under the tree you grabbed your queue, examining the tendrils as they began to attach themselves to a section of the tree. your eyes flutter shut at the connection, a sigh falling from your lips.

once connected, you spot neteyam who is sitting on a rock beside a stream within the forest. you smile as you remember that this is where you first met, and he was sitting on that exact rock. your heart swells when a grin creeps onto his face, teeth showing and eyes bright. "neteyam!" you say excitedly... before it hits you. there is only one way that neteyam would be visiting you through the tree of souls; if he was dead. you begin to hyperventilate, tears pouring from your eyes which neteyam always said were sparkling.

"this- this can't be real, no no no!" you cry, hands reaching for the neteyam in your vision. "i'm sorry, yawne. this is the only way i can visit now. i'm sorry i didn't get to give you a proper goodbye before i went with eywa..." he steps closer, grabbing your hands tightly in his own. it is as though you can truly feel him, rough and large hands holding your soft and small ones. you sob more at this action, body shaking from your cries. "no neteyam, no you aren't dead no! no this isn't- no you aren't dead!" you blubber out the words while gazing at his face through your teary eyes. "i'm so sorry, i didn't want you to find out this way. i wish i was really there with you.." he whispers, hands now holding your waist gingerly. your hands grip his shoulders, digging into them as though you do not want to let this vision of him go.

"neteyam-" even uttering his name caused a sob to escape. "when will i see you again?" you whimper as you fully comprehend that you will not be able to physically be with neteyam ever again. you will never get to have his kisses or his warm cuddles through the night or his hand holds as you walk through the village together or hear his jokes or listen to his laugh. all you will have is this vision of him. "ma y/n, you can come to the tree whenever you need me, i will always be here. and when it is your time, you will be able to join me here with eywa. you will always have me, i will always be in your heart. you will never be without me, yawne"

[syrupgirl]

woah??? ur writing is legit so good??? may i please request a neteyam x human reader where the reader gets bullied a lot for being human and it’s just angsty fluff??? no rush at all, write if you want to!!

a/n: I feel so bad it took me so long to get to this💔tysm for ur compliments, darling. I hope you like it

i also wanna mention that none of this fic is not meant to hate on Neytiri in any way :’) personally i think she in completely justified in her feelings and hesitancies towards any and all humans. Reader is probably bummed out more bc they hold Neytiri in high regard and wanna be liked by her.

Transcend -Neteyam

The relationship you had with Neteyam made up part of who you were. Before your memory could serve you, nothing could seperate you from the eldest Sully child.

So close to the other that you felt like an extension of the other. You had your own notch that measured your height right next to his, you were there when he chose his Ilu, you were there when he completed his dream hunt, all of it. You had been by his side for all of it and the two of you wouldn’t have it either way.

But, no matter what, what you had with Neteyam would not change the relationships you had with other children for one specific reason, you were human. Of the same people who killed hundred upon thousands of Na’vi. No amount of friendship would change that.

And to some degree you had come to terms with that. You couldn’t change what you were so you focused on fighting for what you knew was right on the side of the people who taught you that in the first place.

You had come to terms with it, but there were days when those hushed words got to you.

Your morning had started off early, Neteyam shaking you awake shortly after eclipse had ended and snuck you out of the mountains, down into the ground. The two of you spent the morning running through shallow brooks and swinging off the highest branches of the trees. It made you feel like you were a child again, where you had done the exact same thing with the same boy until laughter left you breathless.

Now, you were back in the heart of the Hallelujah Mountains, each hauling your hunt in your shoulders.

“They’re back! They’re back!” You heard a little voice shout. Tuktirey.

Oh, how you loved that girl, you just wished you could wrap her up and carry her around with you always. Just days after her birth, you were obsessed with the baby; constantly asking Neytiri to hold her and look after her, taking her with you while you trekked with Neteyam through the forest floor.

The energy you poured over her was very much reciprocated, as Tuktuk loved you just as dearly. As soon as she learned to walk, she spent the days with you around toddling around after you and oh, it was just the sweetest thing.

“Little Tuktirey! Singing my praises as usual?”

The young one giggled in response and skipped over to you, her tail swishing behind her.

“No love for your brother, Tuk? You wound me!” Neteyam whined behind you. You laughed heartily when Tuktirey promptly ignored her big brother.

“What did you get today? Anything fancy?” She asked eagerly as she stood on her tiptoes, trying to peak at the carcass hauled.

With a huff, you and Neteyam dropped the bodies to the ground to be prepared.

“Nothing to fancy this time, sorry, Tuktuk.”

She pouted and wrapped her arms around your waist, smushing her face into your chest. You laughed again, placed your hands into her hair, and pinched her ears gently.

Tuk squealed and immediately ran away from you, probably to her other siblings. Probably Kiri.

“That is not fair, I’m her brother by blood, and she prefers you over me!” You rolled your eyes at Neteyam’s drama.

“Maybe if you were as cool as me, Neteyam, your sister would actually like you!” You sighed, putting on a fake high and mighty attitude.

“Hey- I am plenty cool!”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that, skxáwng.”

“By Eywa, why do I even keep you around at this point.”

You doubled over in laughter as Neteyam began to walk away, probably to alert his parents of his return.

Sighing contentedly, you wiped your eyes that had filled with happy tears from you uncontrollable giggles and unsheathed your knife to begin the processing of the meat.

“Can you teach me?” A little voice piped up beside you. Slightly startled, you glanced down and saw little Tuk had returned to your side, a hungry gleam in her eyes, a hunger to learn.

You tapped your chin in fake thought and scrunched up your face. “I don’t know…It might be a bit hard for you…”

“It won’t be hard! I’ve seen Lo’ak and Kiri do it heaps!” She sprung up and down on her toes. “Please? I’ll do whatever you say!”

“Okay, but you have to pay attention to everything I do, clear?”

“Yep!”

-

“-and then once you have wrapped the meat, you always make sure to return all the parts you won’t use back into Eywa.”

You were surprised Tuk has stuck around this long, listening to everything you had said with rabid attention just like she said she would.

It seemed like she was having a great time; trying her hardest to copy your actions to a T and not getting discouraged when they came out a little sloppy. She had been honest when she said she wanted to learn and you had this strange sense of pride that swelled in your chest.

“Tuk, where have you been?” The voice of Neytiri cut through your thoughts and you turned around to that direction.

Stalking towards you was a very frustrated looking Neytiri and you felt a lump of nerves settle in your chest.

The woman stopped behind her daughter and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked defensive, like she was ready to fight or flee at a moment notice.

Neytiri didn’t even have to say any words, she just looked you up and down with widened eyes and puffs of air coming from her nose.

“Mama! Yn was showing me how to prepare the meat to be cooked and the…the skin to be…something-ed…” Oh dear, sweet Tuk. She was completely oblivious to the tension heavy stares that were being charged above her head and you wanted it to stay that way.

“Neytiri I apologise, I should have come to ask you first.“ You started and looked to your feet. Hoping that would show her that you didn’t want any trouble.

“You should have. You do not make decisions for my daughter.” She whispered before she gently took Tuk by the hand and walked away, supposedly back to their marui.

You felt a hot flush crawl up from your toes and all the way up to your face.

How embarrassed you felt in that moment. The last thing you had ever wanted to do was to overstep the boundaries made clear by Neytiri when it came to her children. You had no problems with them and understood why she had made them in the first place, but it didn’t make you feel any bit better about yourself when she reminded you that they were there and made to seperate you from her family.

A bit dazed, you crouched down next to one of the hides and hoisted it over your shoulder.

“Did you leave any for me?” Neteyam asked.

You jumped in fright, well you would have if you weren’t carrying such a heavy load in your shoulders.

Turning to him, you tried to release any tension you held in your face.

“I was going to, but Tuktuk wanted to learn so I used yours for that. Sorry.”

He smiled and bent down to pick up the reaming hide and came to stand next to you.

“That’s okay. It will stop her from pestering me to do it for her.”

You laughed a bit at that and the two of you started walking in the direction of the tanning tent.

“I saw that my mother spoke to you, what’d she say?” So he had seen that.

“She just came to get Tuk. Time escaped me, I didn’t realise how long it had been.” You reassured him. He hummed in response, believing your white lie.

Silence sat between you and Neteyam was the first to break it, “Do you think I will be able to convince Ni’awxtu to let me keep a whole skin?”

-

A refreshing shiver ran up your spine as you dropped your feet into the water, kicking them back and forth. The sun beamed though the foliage above, filtering into a bright green light.

Neteyam said he would be back in a minute, just going off to grab…something. Gosh, things just fell out of your head sometimes.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath. If you concentrated hard enough, you could pretend that your face wasn’t shielded behind mask, that your exopack wasn’t weighing heavily on your back, that you could breath the Pandora air, fresh and unfiltered. Your brows furrow, and you try to bring yourself back to that peaceful place you were before. It always loomed in the back of your head.

It truly is a strange feeling to be brought up in a culture but still have such a clear divide. That divide isn’t a bad thing, but a thing nonetheless.

So caught up in your thoughts, you don’t hear the creeping of feet behind you, the squishing of leaves and breaking of branches.

You were suddenly, literally, yanked out of your own head and a hand reaches into your hair and pulls you back. Hard.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I hurt your precious little head? Can you still breath?” The words are far from genuine, delivered with an airy laugh to it. Clutching the back of your head, you turned around and looked up.

Behind you stood a few kids your age. Their faces were familiar but their names eluded you.

You steeled yourself. You weren’t afraid of these people. “What do you want from me?”

One of them snorts and hits his mate on the chest, encouraging her to laugh with him. She does and they share a snide chuckle. You narrowed your eyes at them and stood, still not matching their height but getting closer to it at least.

“Where is your guard, huh?” The girl asks as she stalks around you. She occasionally flicked and pulled at pieces of your clothing, including your exopack, which made your heart beat pick up more and more every time she brushed it.

“He is not my guard, I can protect myself.” You muttered.

“Even when you are so dependent on…this?”

In seconds, you felt your heart plummet to your toes.

Your exopack was suddenly ripped from your back and your mask along with it. On instinct you held the breath that was still left in your lungs, your shaking hands flew to your face. It was almost like you could feel as the blood drained from your cheeks and formed a tight ball of terror in your chest, heavy and terrifying.

The young na’vi laughed, guffawed really. As if you imminent suffocation was endlessly hilarious to them. The girl held your exopack in her hand. In her hands it looked worse for wear.

She gripped her stomach. “Not so high and mighty now?” She gasped between laughs.

“You can’t be that strong if you are so dependent on that machine to keep you alive, can you?” The boy laughed along with his friend.

Their words didn’t even make it to your brain. You entire focus was on the mask dangling uselessly in her hands. You looked up, locked eyes with the girl, and took a few steps forward.

Faster than you could blink, their laughter ceased and was replaced with their smirks again.

“Ah, ah, ah! You stay right there.” The girl tutted. “Or you won’t be getting this back anytime soon.”

Your eyes widened and your gestured to your chest and mouth. This ‘prank’ had gone too far and if you didn’t get that pack back fast- the thought just about bright tears to your eyes.

Ignoring their orders, you frantically rushed forward again and took a swing for the pack. You could feel the need to gasp for air rise; your time was running out.

“You stay in your place, tawtute” The boy snarled. He ducked behind you and looped his arms through the back of your elbows, holding you tight to his body.

You thrashed hard in his hold and clawed at any patch of skin you could reach but it was no use. He towered over you and easily trumped you in strength. At this point, you had as much hope as you did air in your lungs.

You could feel your chest burn and your heart pound. If you gave in and took a breath of the pandoran air, it would only end things faster.

By Eywa, this was such a pathetic way to die.

“Poor thing, do you want this back? Should I just give it to you?”

There was no point in answering, you just tried to plead as best as you could without words.

“Just breathe, man! C’mon just a little breath.” The boy behind you taunted.

They laughed and laughed and laughed. It bled into your ears.

Resigned to your fate, you stopped thrashing, closed your eyes, and let out the breath you had desperately been holding. And inhaled.

You probably looked like a fish out of water, gaping and gasping for a breath that wouldn’t come. The painful throb began in your temples racked up tenfold and the burning pain in your chest felt like an inferno. The teens behind you laughed and hollered and finally realised their grip on you.

Faintly, in the back of your mind, you heard the crack of your exopack hitting a rock nearby. Though, through your puffs and wheezes you could barely hair it anyway.

Your eyes fluttered and your jaw slackened. When did their jeers become so far away? And…had eclipse begun already? Delirious wonderings filled your head as your eyes rolled back into your head.

-

The first thing that returned to you was your hearing, and the first thing you heard was…begging? Albeit it was punctuated by a dreadful ringing.

It was like a whisper at first, almost like you had been plunged underwater. And whoever was on the surface was desperate to bring you back up again.

A hand slid behind your neck and lifted it slightly, slipping a strap over head. Something was pressed to your face and suddenly breathing came much easier.

As you came to you started gulping down the air and your eyes flitted open. Ah, so that was the source of the whisper-screams. You had completely forgotten about him. About Neteyam.

“-n? Yn?!” Since when were his hands on your face?

You had been rested on your back, head propped up against something hard and uncomfortable, and another exopack sat secured on your face. Confused, you brought a hand up and tapped the mask in question, not trusting your vocal chords.

Neteyam, however, looked far too frazzled to answer your questions plainly. He was sat beside you, knees in-line with your chest and his upper half leaning over you. The size difference between the two of you was apparent constantly but having him towered over you like this made you feel especially small.

“W-when I came back I couldn’t see you anywhere but then I saw your exopack on the ground,” He rambled. Concern creased his face and oh, how you wanted to smooth every wrinkle.

His rambles continued, “I ran into Norm on the w-way back and he said you forgot to grab your spare. So I grabbed it and you’re lucky I did!” You frowned; aren’t people supposed to be nice to you when you’ve hurt yourself? Why were you being scolded?

Neteyam must have noticed your pouty expressions because berating came to a halt.

“I was so worried about you…” His hand stroked your head and he frowned even harder. “What happened?”

As you recounted your story, you felt as tears welled up in your eyes once more. A dark shade settled in Neteyam’s eyes, his frown turned into a scowl.

You’re eased up against a stump of a tree and the boy takes your hand in both of hit firmly.

He looked into your eyes with a determination lit up in his.

“Yn, I swear to you that I will find who did this. They won’t go without punishment. I’ll have my dad see to it if I have to.” His fingers squeezed yours and your lips quirked despite yourself.

“I knew you would come and find me. Deep down, I knew you would.”

The resolute gleam in his eyes softened before he said, “I will always find you. No matter where you are, I will always get you back to me”.

a/n: I rushed the ending a lil but I just reallyyyy wanted this done 😍

The energy you poured over her was very much reciprocated, as Tuktuk loved you just as dearly

When she learned to walk, she spent the days with you around toddling around after you and oh, it was just the cutest thing.

“Little Tuktirey! Singing my praises as usual?”

The young one giggled in response and skipped over to you, her tail swishing behind her.

[blushblushbear]

cashew's (my beloved) thoughts as he lives through a gay friends to lovers romance, like one of his novels? (not exactly like his novels, but like the classic 'friends to lovers' trope that i hc him to have a soft spot for)

I feel like Cash living through any romance is gonna have him both scared and excited

but okay the friends to lovers---

def always had a little crush on you

low key thought everyone wanted to smooch their closet friend

I think it dawns on him very very slowly and when it does he maybe panics a little???

like he's def thinking very romantic thoughts about you all the time and he's just like 'this is normal. I am having a normal close friendship. It is normal to want to kiss your bros and maybe touch their butts. GOSH you're handsome! He is normal! You are friends!'

and I think one day it really does just hit him right out of the blue

hits that little lovestruck idiot like a ton of bricks

and then it's this rush of excitement

THEN PANIC

then excitement again

OMG--- HE'S IN LOVE!!

omg--- he's in love............

he's so giddy and so terrified

WHAT IF YOU DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY???

WHAT IF HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?????

ARE YOU END GAME OR A TRAGIC LOVE STORY????

OH-- HE CAN'T BARE TO LOOK!

but he also can't look away!

he has to know!

he really does look towards his books to help him

probably tries all manor of dumb cute little antics that all go array before FINALLY you just ask him what's up

and then he takes a deep breath and just

CONFESSES

summons all the hopeful courage he has and pours his heart out for you

and if you reject him I won't lie, he'll definitely enter into a little heart broken depressive state and you'll see him less and less as he tries to figure out how to swallow these feelings so you can just be friends again

BUT

if you accept and return his feelings

he legit has never been so happy in his LIFE!

he's over the moon!

He thinks your love story is better than any book he could ever read

if only cause it's the one he's sharing with you <3

[yandereheathen]

Hellooooooo i just wanted to say i really love Korm so far, its so so gooooooood <3 I would love to see what it looks like when they just go absolutely feral, like if they’re pissed off im curious see what the worst looks like 😈 thank you for listening luv u!!

AHHH MY FIRST ASK <3 I Legit fan girl so hard. I am so happy you like my cutie Korm. I didn't think people would like him this much <3 Here is a little dribble of angory Korm! You were found out: [18+ Yandere Korm OC Fic]

WARNINGS: NSFW (MDI) Knife play, violence, cussing, non-con, dark themes

Your hands shook as you looked up at the message on the phone Korm was holding up to you. It was a plan with your friend. To get you away from this house. You had been so careful. There was no change in your rituals, and you had submitted yourself to all of Korms…new care needs.

I needed to be more careful.

"K-korm, please, I don't know who that is or those messages. I love you, I would never." You tried lying, taking his arm.

He was smiling. You hated it when he did that. It always meant some form of pain would follow for you. You almost laugh thinking about how that smile used to warm your heart now, and it just makes you sick.

"Are you happy, Y/N?"

He lowers the phone, taking your face.

"i-i…am.."

You waver, unable to bring yourself to say what he made you say every night while he raped you while he fucked with not only your body but your whole being. You were so close to breaking that you could feel it.

"No. NO, I AM NOT HAPPY. I HATE YOU. I hate what you make me do. I hate that you lied to me. I hate that your mother and no one else will help me. You are a disgusting, sick, twisted little man. I hope you rot in hell."

You scream at him, the feeling of the last few weeks pouring out of your pain and frustration, and maybe the most prominent piece was his betrayal. It hurt so bad. In a tiny little part of your mind, you did love Korm.

Before he can speak back, you spit in his face.

Then, it was quiet as he blinked down at you. You immediately regret it. "Y/n" He sits up at full height; after this turn, you truly appreciate how big he was when he wasn't pretending. He wipes the spit off with one finger and slowly licks it off, savoring your taste for a moment before he closes his hands around your neck.

"Awww sweet Y/N Cute Y/N Someone just be grumpy from lack of sleep. Thats it. You have been taking such good care of me every night. However, we can't allow little sluts to talk like that to their future husbands, right? Humm?"

You shake your head frantically, crawling his hands around your neck. You try to rasp out pleas to let you go, but his grip is too firm. He moves close to your ear. "Let me get through your thick skull that I might be on the path to rot. However, you will be there with me. My wonderful Caretaker."

He pushes you down on the floor, standing over you, one arm painfully under his boot, the other pressing down on your head.

"You will never leave me Y/N. You were made for me. It is so pathetic watching you try to leave me. So cute. So Weak."

He grinds down on your head painfully. Your ears start ringing as you try vainly to get him off you. "P-please, please, Korm. I am sorry. I am so sorry. It hurts you are hurting me!" You manage to whimper, but as you have learned, this only excites him. How did your sweet, soft best friend turn into this sadistic monster? You didn't realize it was him all along. "Love is Pain Y/N. We will do this until you learn your lesson." He gives your head more pressure just enough to start to see stars before crouching and lifting you by your hair.

"Open" You do so now, crying, your face bruised and red from his boot. He smiles, running his finger around your mouth before playing with your tongue. "So warm. So soft. It's just everything about you, Y/n, so. I n t o x ic i ca ti ng. He whimpers; you see the bulge in his pants, creating a spot of precum from his excitement. Then he spits directly on your tongue, giggling to himself. "Swallow" you do so, almost gagging at the taste of him coating your mouth. "That is a good little one. I taste good, don't I? Savor it, Y/N."

You cry harder now. How could you think about leaving? You know he would find you. It hurt you and anyone who wanted to help you.

He moans at your sobs, kissing them as he pulls you into his lap on the floor. Cooing at you, you knew it was coming before you felt the knife on your back. You sobbed harder as it followed the still-healing scars on your lower back. He lifted you just enough to cut away nothing keeping him from being inside of you before focusing himself in with little to no preparation on your part. You scream out as he ruts inside you, panting as the knife with some sleight of the hand still barely nicks you, and he bounces you on his lap. "F-fuck, that's it. Cry harder, Y/N. Show me how much you love me. You feel so perfect around me now. Dont. I?"

He thrusts in at those last two words. You hide your face in his shoulder, a sniveling mess, and he breeds into you the knife, sending little pangs of pain with unwelcome pleasure.

That's when you realized.

You were already rotting in hell. With him By your side.

"I love you forever. My little Caretaker."

[boxed-n-bottled-arson]

DO YOU WANNA SUPPORT A WICKED SICK INDIE PROJECT? PLEASE PAUSE FOR A SEC AND GIVE THIS A READ!!!! 

Hi! I don’t really make posts about the shenanigans I get up to nowadays, but for the past year or so me and six other friends have been pouring our heart and soul into a neat little indie project called “Project Ghostie”. It’s a mystery/comedy/minor dystopia audio drama about a found family of graffiti artist ghosts trying to discover how they died. The entire story is seen through the perspective of a reporter character aka the viewer! I would absolutely love it if you guys would give the first episode a quick watch/listen, as I am the co-creator and one of the main VA’s of the show! 

So, if you like:

Shows made by queer people (all of our VA’s are trans and queer! With the creators being an Aroace demi-guy and a beloved unlabeled king :) )

Shows featuring queer characters (We have main characters that use a variety of pronouns including it/its, they/she/he, he/they, and they/them!)

Shows focused on found family dynamics instead of romance (I as the head writer am aroace and can 100% guarantee there will be no romance plots in this show and instead just a lot of family dynamics and friendships)

Shows with anti-capitalist themes and crime (yippee!)

Shows with cool silly references (Our banner totally doesn’t features refs to a mcyt creator I adore or a fake singer with blue pigtails hehe)

Shows that you can listen to and/or read! (Yup! Don’t wanna listen to Project Ghostie? We have a fully written/novelized version instead you can read for free! Link to it is in the video description :D)

Shows that can GUARANTEE no AI used ever in the creative process (This series will never feature or endorse generative AI in its writing, art-making, or voice acting process. Fuck generative AI, that shit can burn in hell)

Shows that can be enjoyed by ANY kind of viewer (I used to listen to a lot of audio dramas that had a character that was supposed to ‘be’ the viewer, yet never really encompassed everyone. So, I've done my best to make the viewer's character (known as just “the reporter”) fit people of almost any gender (they are referred to with they/them pronouns), weight, race, background, etc!)     

Curious about the characters included? Check them out over at The Project Ghostie Tumblr, where we have some silly meet the characters posts!

Again, it would genuinely mean the world to me if you would even just skim through the video, follow the YT channel/Tumblr, or reblog this post. This project is legit my child and is basically a ton of unfinished projects lovingly sewn together to make something I am unbelievably proud of. Me and my friends make absolutely no money off this, it is just our silly passion project, but we intend on making 25 episodes plus some cool bonus stuff, and I’d love to have you along for the ride!

(And hey, even if you don’t like the story, maybe just follow the Tumblr for some cool art? I’ve improved a lot since I last posted my art on here, and I know it’s not fandom related anymore, but if you like my goofy style, check it  out ^w^)

Anyways, watch the first episode: HERE

Or read it: HERE

[soleilnomoon]

Hi again! Still absolutely adore your Kid fic from your last event 💜 Never got around to asking for a Sanji one, so here I am again😅 But seriously, congrats on over 550 followers!! Love seeing your blog grow, cause you’re really talented and deserve them all and legit can’t wait til you hit 1k+ 🥰

For the event order, may I please ask for a #1 with my boi Sanji, with anmitsu, konpeito, and keylime pie and with honey, please? 🥹 i hate this but need some sanji angst 😭

I also dunno if these three would work particularly well together for a prompt, so you can choose whatever! just really feeling angst and sanji rn and maybe comfort if you’d like 🥰

Thank you for all your works you’ve done so far 💜💜

hiiii omg haha i loved that fic fr (i'm obsessed w that man!!!) also ily for requesting sanji i don't write him nearly enough 🥰️ but thank you sm!! 😭 making me all soft and i am so so sorry this took forever, as u know i am so slow but!!! i had fun tormenting sanji w the angst ngl 💓💓💓💓 also those were great choices for the prompt, i wanted to write more but it would've been 8k words before i finished and who has time for that (i do, but listen... that's besides the point) ✨

2k words, fem reader (honestly gn too now that i think abt it), sfw (SHOCKING i know), 18+ mdni, a lil bit suggestive but nothing wild, angst angst angst city babey, fluff if you squint, also i gave u comfort bc u deserve it bb 💗(and sanji does too); feat. sanji being in denial forever and ever, mutual pining, fake unrequited love, reader is determined and sanji is a coward; also i made myself sad writing this but a good sad bc sanji deserves happiness and i'll fight oda if he doesn't get it i s2g... (if u see grammar mistakes/spelling errors... no u didn't ��)

“loving each other began this way: threading / loneliness into loneliness / patiently, our hands trembling and precise.” — yehuda amichai

STEP 01:

what does it take to kill a soul? —

a question that’s posed unironically, without a hint of remorse or tact, the words precise and venomous, slicing through the thick veneer that he’s carefully crafted. he’s never been able to answer that question — not at six years old, not twelve or fifteen, and not at twenty-one. his siblings took pleasure in taunting him with seemingly philosophical questions, ones that clamped down onto his thoughts with heavy shackles.

even after he’s extracted himself from that life, he can’t scrub those memories from his mind — no matter how hard he tries. they sit, still raw and bloody, giving rise to unpleasant emotions that make his stomach churn from so many things left unsaid. he never set out to be a pirate, but piracy has given him the sort of freedom that he could only wish for as a child.

it’s with tender hands, with nimble yet graceful fingers, and with a fastidiousness that puts him in a category of his own, that he creates and creates and creates —

he’s told he’s an artist, which only pushes him to work harder, to be better. and when he asks himself why, he doesn’t have an answer. or, rather, the answer he does have only serves as a punishing reminder that he’ll never be good enough. no matter how many times his crew mates thank him — their emphatic, genuine praise a soft, warm breeze against his heart, gentle caresses that he commits to memory — despair still manages to infiltrate, a darkness choking out what little light he has left inside of him.

STEP 02:

how far are you willing to go to reach the truth? —

when you join the crew, he’s unnerved by your presence, which is wholly unlike him. usually, he’s able to put on his façade of the flirtatious cook, one that’s jovial and sociable, that lives to serve and please those around him. his first conversation with you ends in disaster; he spills the drink he tried to pour for you, despite your insistence that you are perfectly capable of pouring your own drink — and he knows it’s not out of malice, but it cuts into him all the same.

he tries again and again, bringing you little treats that you only agree to eating if he sits and eats with you; confusion eats away at his mind, and when he opens his mouth to decline, you pat the seat next to you and he acquiesces. he sits stiffly, at first, unsure of why he always feels on edge around you — an irritating need to impress you in a way he’s never wanted to for others grows stronger by the day.

you think it’s cute that he always seems flustered around you — that he stumbles over his words, refuses to hold eye contact with you for longer than thirty seconds — you also think it’s cute that the false bravado that he puts on for the world, diminishes immediately the second you come close to him. if he’s skittish, it’s because you always catch him staring at you; despite his quick reflexes, his reactions around you are slow but pure — childish, almost.

lately he’s clumsier and scatterbrained, nearly burning dinner when you decide to keep him company. you lean against the countertop, a teasing smile on your face — the same one that that caused him to bump his forehead against the cabinet door earlier — as you prattle on about a dream you had. he can barely keep up, his eyes drifting from the skillet to your face, gliding around the curve of your cheek, dipping lower in a slow descent along your neck.

he blinks repeatedly when he reaches your clavicle, stunned at his restraint; and it’s only when you call his name loudly that he realizes he’s left the heat on for too long.

“are you okay?” you ask when you see that he’s fussing over how best to save the dish, mouth moving as he quietly mutters to himself. he barely registers your voice, as an insidious one whispers harshly into his ears about his perpetual incompetence and lack of talent.

you can see that he’s retreated even further into his mind, a feat that also leaves you frustrated. you want to shake him but refrain and grab his hand instead. he snaps out of whatever stupor that held him captive just moments ago, lips parting as he sighs softly before glancing down at you.

“thank you.”

the words are quiet, but impactful, as he didn’t think he’d be able to get them out. you let go of his hand too soon, but he doesn’t say anything else, choosing to focus on cooking than embarrassing himself again in front of you.

you take his silence as a silent dismissal, but you don’t fight him on it — it’s bitter, that sort of rejection, and you swallow back your argument with great difficulty.

STEP 03:

what’s the difference between cowardice and self-preservation? —

frustration bubbles underneath his skin when he can’t find where he placed his lighter; he runs a hand through his hair and tugs on impulse, accidentally ripping a few strands from his scalp. they swirl and tumble onto the ground, pathetic in a way — just like me, but he never really says that out loud. he doesn’t hear your footsteps, although you did your best to remain as quiet as possible.

a cigarette sits in between his lips, and he has half a mind to toss it over the railing of the ship, but a warmth suddenly appears in front of him in the form of a flame. you found his lighter on the floor earlier and meant to give it to him, but every time you got closer, he found every excuse to leave. you don’t realize the impact you have on him — not really, anyway — because he’s genuinely surprised that you can’t hear the heavy beats of his heart that grow more intolerable the longer he hangs around you.

always afraid of being found out, he opts to keep his distance. it’s easier this way, he tells himself, better. but he doesn’t quite believe that; the evidence is plain as day when his tongue feels like its grown three sizes in the span of seconds, where his words get lost and forgotten. it’s all your fault, he reasons; you who insists on talking candidly with him, who insists on listening to him ramble about his dreams, who absolutely insists on stubbornly tearing down his walls, steadily chipping away without a care in the world. he looks at you as if you are the source of all his problems, but he also looks at you as if you’re the solution.

the intensity behind his stare makes your hands tremble slightly, it’s a miracle you’ve managed to keep yourself composed for this long. you light the end of his cigarette with ease, as if you’ve done this for him hundreds of times —and place the lighter into his pants pocket afterwards. if he wasn’t so used to you getting in his personal space all the time, he’d retreat immediately. the proximity is almost too much for him, but he doesn’t step back; you take that as a good sign and keep him company for a few minutes.

you don’t care for the smell of smoke, but on him it smells good. you almost tell him that, but instead bite down on your lip and keep your comment at bay, nerves getting the best of you as you nearly choke on the possibility that your feelings won’t be reciprocated.

another time, maybe. cheeks flushed, you turn your face to look elsewhere. although, you wonder if there ever will be another time. with him, you never know.

he’s still trying to figure you out and why he feels a different sort of calm around you; it’s alarming and new, drumming up an irrational fear within him. he doesn’t think he’s deserving of your attention or affection, and he’s convinced himself that you don’t harbor any romantic feelings for him. and why would you?

one by one, his thoughts pummel into him, acerbic and overwhelming. he exhales a sliver of smoke and puts the cigarette out. he gives you a quick, apologetic look before telling you goodnight, the smile on his face is melancholic and barely existent. you don’t dare say a word, keep your lips pressed together stubbornly; exasperated and dejected, you don’t know what’s worse — his inability to lower his guard around you for longer than ten minutes, or your inability to stop yourself from trying to carve pieces of yourself to give to him.

maybe if you helped him fill the gaping holes in his heart, he’d truly understand how you feel.

STEP 04:

if you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently? —

sleep evades you after that night, and the night after that, and so forth; it gets so bad that you’re yawning in the middle of the day, falling asleep before you can have a cup of coffee or tea. this does not go unnoticed by the others, and after talking with nami, you feel less out of your element and finally can see the parts of sanji that he wants to keep hidden. her advice is simple: approach slowly and with intent; corner him and don’t let him escape.

you bide your time, full confident that you can find a moment to sit down with him and talk this all out. it doesn’t come easy, but franky mysteriously swaps sanji for the night’s watch — something that should strike you as odd, but it’s a small opening that you take without thinking as you hurriedly climb up to the crow’s nest with a renewed sort of energy.

even with his eyes closed, as he sits lazily on the bench with head tilted back against the wall, he knows it’s you.

“go back to bed,” he says firmly, refusing to look at you.

your stubbornness, unfortunately, wins out. “i’m staying.” at that he sits up, his attention completely on you as his eyes widen at your words. he wants to ask you why, but cowardice wins out — again. as his features soften, a flush crawls along his face, lightly painting his cheeks pink. he closes his eyes again, tries to steady his breathing as he counts backwards, only for his efforts to be obliterated with ease the moment you sit next to him.

as your thigh presses against his, you take his hand and on impulse you trace your fingertip along the lines on his palm. he watches you with a morbid fascination that scares him; but then you start to say things like, “you will live a very long life,” and “you are courageous, and you have a big heart.”

a small part of him wants to pull his hand away, so you won’t say anything else — but he remains put, so still that you almost think he’s stopped breathing. your voice is sweet and disarming, even when you carry on this charade of reading his palm. a belated realization hits him forcefully, making him blink several times; it dawns on him that you’ve always been so kind and gentle with him, even when you teased him. he’s spent all this time overthinking and hiding behind his past, that it never occurred to him that he could have simply let you in. you’ve never given him reason to believe that you’d betray or harm him intentionally.

he takes a deep breath, voice a little uneven, “i—”

you lean in close, adoration dripping onto your words as you interrupt him. “hey, have i told you?” the question glides along his skin, the words seeping into him as you continue, the lilt in your voice a honeyed, melodic spell. “you remind me of starlight and the mysteries of space.” your lips brush against his when you tell him that, and a warmth settles into the middle of his chest, makes it hard to focus. he doesn’t think when he curls his fingers around yours and doesn’t think when heleans down to kiss you — tender yet electrifying all the same.

the move disarms you in a way that doesn’t quite make sense to you, so you simply hum in approval and lean your head against his shoulder. a comfortable silence settles around you both, but you don’t mind that at all; it’s nice, not having to tip-toe around him anymore, and the demons that plagued him for so long don’t seem so intimidating with you by his side.

[applesaucesims]

🇵🇸 🍉

I've received a few more requests for donations / signal boosts, so please consider checking out and donating to the following fundraisers!

Mohammed @yasermohammad has been vetted here. They're currently at €19,526/35,000

To all the supporters of Palestine 🙏 We still need less than 1350€ to reach our short term goal of 50% ‼️ Your donations are important for our survival Please help me reach our goal as soon as possible 🙏 We appreciate your help ❤️🙏

Bilal @shadowyavenuetaco has not been vetted, but looks very legit, based on my reverse search, and donations are protected. They're currently at £3,638/50,000

Hello, I am Bilal. My life, like the lives of many, has been divided between two places. My family is now divided between Gaza and Egypt, and each part of it carries within it stories of pain and resilience. Gaza, where part of my family remains, witnesses daily the bitterness of life under siege and constant fear. However, it is their home that they cannot easily leave. As for me, I was displaced with some of my family members from Gaza to Egypt. The decision was difficult and costly; we paid a heavy price not only financially, but emotionally as well. The cost of displacement was heavy on all of us. Our arrival in Egypt was not the end of the suffering, but rather the beginning of a new phase of difficulties. Life in Egypt is not what we expected. It is difficult and very expensive. Everything here requires money; from the simplest daily needs to costs that cannot be easily afforded. Because we do not have residency, it has become necessary to deal with complex and difficult circumstances. Every day we face a new challenge, and every day we try to adapt to our new reality. Despite all these challenges, we try to find our way in this exile. Life in Egypt is not what we hoped for, but it is our current reality. We are trying to adapt to this new life, yet our hearts remain attached to Gaza, where we left part of our family and dreams. We are here, trying to maintain what remains of our dignity amidst these circumstances, and we know that the road is long and difficult. But we continue, with the hope that one day we will find the stability we are looking for, whether here or in our homeland that still lives in our hearts. Please donate to support my family in overcoming the challenges we face, every contribution will help us a lot

Mahmoud @mahmoud91hilles has also not been vetted, but again comes up clean in my reverse search, and donations are protected. They're currently at €187/50,000, very low on funds!

Hello my dears! My name is Mahmoud Abed, I ask you to support my campaign to help me reach my goal. I am now in dire need of your support to help my family save them from the besieged and destroyed Gaza Strip. Gaza is a very dangerous place. I need your financial support to enable me to obtain the basic needs of my family until the Rafah crossing is reopened to transport my family to safety and peace. Please help the family survive their ordeal through your small donations or by sharing my campaign with your friends and others. Thank you very much for standing by those in need.

Celine @selinps1 has also not been vetted, but again seems legit and donations are protected. They're currently at $1, 958/70,000

Hello, how are you? I hope you are well. I am Celine from Gaza. I started this campaign to raise money to help me rebuild my family's life after losing everything in Gaza😥. All that remains of our house is the rubble and our memories that have turned to ash💔. My family and I barely escaped with our lives, leaving behind everything we owned. Now, we are in Egypt, struggling to rebuild our lives from scratch. The war left us with nothing but the clothes we wear and the painful memories of what we lost. We need your help to find a safe place to live, to provide for our children, and to start over. With your support, we can restore our hope and rebuild our family's future. Please consider donating to our campaign🙏🏻. Your generosity can make a huge difference in our lives.🙌🏻❤️

Mahmoud @mahmoudayyad has been vetted here. They're currently at €4,211/100,000

Hello dear friends! ❤🤍🖤💚 🍉I am Mahmoud Ayyad, a Palestinian from the besieged and destroyed Gaza 😭😭, coming from an extended family of young children, women and elderly people ❤❤ who have been suffering😭😭 for 300 difficult days from an aggressive war. Our lives are harsh because we lack all the basic necessities of life. Everything has become scarce and unattainable. There is no food, no water, no medicine. So, I ask you to help me keep my family safe and alive, especially after we had lost all our sources of livelihood.Please do not leave my family to struggle and suffer these difficult days alone. You can support my campaign by donating whatever you can or by sharing my posts to reach others who can help us survive the war to safety and peace. You are helping the lives of many people with your small contribution. Every donation makes a difference in our very difficult lives.

Please consider donating if you can! Every donation can make a big difference!

[saltminerising]

Sorry if this is too grim for this blog, feel free to delete if it is

I am having serious thoughts about mortality due to some health issues I have, and it's like Man... My legacy might just be my FR presence. I have Trouble getting out and interacting with the world, making art, making a big difference, but I take a lot of solace in my beautiful dragons and the disjointed lore I write for them

And like, idk on the one hand I should probably try and do more with the time I have left but it's hard, and it's expensive, I don't have a lot of money IRL, so I pour my heart and soul into my dragons because they make me happy and serve as a nice distraction from the vague aura of doom that shrouds my life

I legit hope that if I go before FR does, if nothing else I do makes an impact, maybe my friends I've made here will gaze fondly upon my lair, the art I've commissioned from them with dragon money, the drsgons I've bought from them, maybe the dragons they've bought from me, and remember me lovingly

If the beautiful dragons I've made on this site and the connections I've made because of them can be my only legacy, I can be okay with that. I'd love to do more with my life, but if this is all I leave behind, it's not too bad, I've still contributed to the beauty of the world by coordinating genes and apparel and accents, by writing silly lore, by giving my friends gems and items for wonderful art and joking around with them about the game, it's okay. It still matters, I still matter.

Nothing is certain for me of course, but the future is scary for me, I don't know what might happen in the next few years, I but I at least know I've made a difference to the people I've made connections with here, I've gotten to feel a glimpse of glorious battle through partaking in Dom, I've gotten to create beauty that hinges on my sense for aesthetic instead of my poor motor skills

Sorry if this feels sappy or like I'm attributing too much value to a silly pet game, but I've spent a decade of my life here and it matters a lot to me I guess

[jolalibrary]

Sorry to ask but you always give really good advice to people. When you post your writing, do you have a margin of what is a flop or not? I’m really struggling with likes and reblogs but I am new so I guess it’s normal? I just feel so discouraged. Sorry if this is a lot.

you're not a lot, promise! i'm not overly sure if i'm the best person to answer this, but as always, I'll give it a go.

i would be completely lying if i said to you i didn't notice notes, because i do and it's okay that i do. however, i don't have a metric for what i deem good or bad—because for a multitude of reasons i cannot control how it performs. such as:

the fandom

the popularity of the tropes

i can write one trope for one pairing and on the outside it looks like it hasn't done well. i can then redo that trope, with the same pairing, and it do so much "better" in terms of notes. but, the thing with both of those isn't the notes that i judge them on, but my enjoyment of writing them.

equally, sometimes it's a slow burner. like i POURED my heart into one non, and legit no one saw it. for like a week. and then it just trickled up, and now it's done "well"! (i keep putting things in " because everyone has different levels, and like yeah).

but all of this to say, writing, drawing, gif'ing should be fun. all of this SHOULD feel fun.

for me, i enjoy writing. i enjoy sharing. and i am hyper aware that i am not everyone's cup of tea, that i may not be what someone fancies one day to the next. so, the metrics i would use to measure myself sorta become moot, you know? but the one thing i can judge myself on is whether i'm proud of what i wrote, whether it brought me joy, whether i felt happy when i wrote it.

some pieces, i won't lie, i've written and despised writing and even if to others the notes are 'amazing', i hate it. the thing that has barely any notes, could be my favourite.

all of this to say, you said you're new and lovely one, you need to find your people, because really that's what all of this is for.

the community, the connections, the shrieking to someone at 1am in the morning about an idea (you may never write) but them being equally as excited because WRITE THIS IDEA BITCH. and you spend another hour (when you should be sleeping) going back and forth to flesh it out.

find those people. because honestly, hand on heart, it's those people who i talk to daily, the ones i want to read my work. you know?

but also if you're struggling, don't give up. i know how it feels (and it feels so tough, i know) but keep at it - because if not, how will your people find you? i'm so sorry i can't give you a magic spell or potion to rid this part, but if you're enjoying doing what you do, don't stop, lovely.

[hils79]

Hils Watches The King's Avatar - Ep 17

Wait, my son is leaving? He can't leave! What about his sunshine puppy boyfriend?? 🥺

Have you, though?

Uh, I'm kind of worried about her mental health. She's having a legit conversation with herself where she's using 'I' in a really sad and pathetic voice and 'you' in a forceful and angry voice. It's like that bit in Lord of the Rings where Gollum and Smeagol are having a conversation

Aww she poured her heart out there's no need to be mean

Haha! His biggest complaint is the team name

Oooh a big dramatic pause this is going to be good

Aww he's named the team after the internet cafe where they all met

Aww they're starting over. Fresh start for everyone. I love this.

God, I am legit crying. No one told me the silly esports drama would give me so many feelings

I love that he's been blackmailed into helping Chen Guo pass the esports manager exam. I'm a bit concerned about the photos he took of their maps and team plan though.

Aww, look, she's taking it seriously now

Aw no even after all that she still can't pass the exam

Holy poaching plot twist

There is zero heterosexual explanation for romantic music playing when Chen Guo found the bag charm that was on Tang Rou's bag the day they first met. Harold, they're lesbians.

God, they are so in love

Now kiss

God I love them

They are so in love

NO!!!!

BECAUSE THE INTERNET CAFE IS HIS HOME 😭

Oh, no, why would you say that?? 100% he is going to cut up the new coat she just used all her savings to buy. I can't look!

Oh it was her scarf not her coat

[sarascamander]

Finished the fifth book!!! (I am so bad at remembering the title lmao) so here's my thought!

This is going to be a long rant about Rhian and Sophie so proceed with caution. By the end of book 4, I hate Rhian and it didn't change as I read book 5. and there is no way in hell I ship him with Sophie (not even book 4 when they were lovey dovey). SO I DIDN'T EXPECT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. This all happened when Sophie went back to him after she saw the crystal and suddenly we get to know him more and I just sympathise with him SO MUCH. Suddenly he's my baby 😭 and it took me by surprise since I spend the whole book hating him — I cried when he died! I legit screamed bc why the hell did that snake get to survive??? I was just starting to like him!!!

Another thing is the way I shipped him with Sophie SO HARD MAN. I didn't before because he obviously didn't care about her and using her the way Rafal did so fuck him. And when he was pretending, it was sus, let's be honest. BUT BY THE END HE START TO GENUINELY LOVE HER???? And I didn't think it was the way Rafal loved Sophie, it was genuine and he didn't plan it. He just fell. It's insane the way my heart moves to ship them!!! I love it because they were legit undeniable, unexpected enemies to lovers. The arc of their relationship low-key and reminds me of Attolia and Gen from the Queen's Thief (which I love).

And his love confession had me giggling and kicking my feet and twirling my hair like a lovesick teenager. But damn me it was SO SWEET. There she was helping him bandage himself as he poured his heart out about his mother and for the first time being vulnerable. And The way he stared at her and said "I see why boys fall for you" which is a direct contrast from before where he said "I see why all the boys dumped you." Like the GROWTH THERE!?!? And the way he said he sees her, petals and thorns and kisses her like THAT. Sophie is a better girl than I am because I would've folded so hard, I'd marry him there and then.

I feel insane shipping them bc I never see other people do. In Reddit most discussions were about Rafal and Sophie but I never ship cause 1) he's 400 years old creep 2) manipulated and used her until the very end 3) only love her bc she's her true love so he's obliged to love her. And yes, Sophie and Rhian started with manipulation too and continue so but in the end he was being real!!! And again, he didn't expect to fall for her, he just did!! It's so sad to see it was Sophie's turn to manipulate the relationship instead 😭😭 I just love the way their relationship developed from lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers again — and I didn't expect it at all!! Combine with the manipulation on both sides, the tension, the chemistry.

As for Sophie and Hort... It's been five books and I still don't ship them. I don't think I will, now that Rhian entered the picture. Also! The way Sophie hesitated to kill 'Rhian' bc she saw him crying. SHE COULD LOVE HIM. THEY COULD BE ENDGAME. IN ANOTHER LIFE THEY END UP TOGETHER I SWEAR (I legit could rant forever, I have so many feelings about them right now. I'm so overwhelmed by them that I can't even think of anything else to reviews, I'll do a separate post on the whole review of the book once I calm down).

So tell me, am I insane for shipping them?? Am I the only one feeling the chemistry?

The scene that owns my heart completely:

[seeksstaronmewni]

Ms. Butterbean appreciation post

Eleanor I am pouring my heart out unto you 💘💓💞

Fitting for the end of National Teacher Appreciation Week; AKA US Teacher Appreciation Week 2024 (tweet 1 and 2)

Seriously though; my heart were pounding as I saw her making her Checkered Past debut... (tweet here)

I think that I became subconsciously attracted to her in the Spring of 2009 with a rerun of the Chris Reccardi-boarded "Substitute Creature", but this year's Checkered Past debut of "Detention X" made her instant waifu to me (and—spoiler alert—she almost legit died in that one). Thanks @maxwellatoms for creating one of the loveliest dolls in the history of Cartoon Network originals! (and the same to @ianwasseluk @brettvaron @vincentwaller and the rest of the crew)

Oh, but let us not to forget that other great teacher in The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy — the Squid Hat of Toadblatt's! (tweet here)

[sibunaranks]

rank peddie kisses?

Okay i waited on this because this is SO IMPORTANT. I rewtached them all and here is their ranking (i would love to give all of them 10/10 but i didn't let myself)

This is my child. I took it way too serious. Also I included Almost Kisses and Piper Kisses. Sue me.

First Kiss - 1000000/10 - Okay this one is perfection for so many reasons. Starting with the aesthetic of the double leather jackets. Perfection. Then you get to the deep down. Eddie is pouring his heart out and he is so desperate and she is ALSO desperate for a totally different reason (to just tell him how she feels but she can't cuz the hex) and both of them are just feeling so much urgency and he's about to give up on her but he doesn't want to so he's being more vulnerable for her than anyone else in his whole life and she does the only thing she knows and kisses him HER FIRST EVER KISS and the kiss itself is so sweet and so satisfying to finally get. So good they go in for another one (that doesn't happen) but yeah it's the start of an era.

The Almost Kiss- 4/10 - VICTOR THE COCKBLOCK RODENMARR HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO US. Anyway the "guess you could call me fearless." was smooth but the rest was Eddie being a total cringy boi trying to "play cool". Stillit's sweet so it gets some points. ALSO points for asking her if he can when he knows she's struggling to communicate. Also, their disappointed faces are so cute and saddd. Thoughtful boy in love. Girl in love too.

The Piper Kiss - 1/10 - THIS ONLY GETS A POINT BECAUSE OF THE SET UP. The way he looks at her when he's talking to jerome is just HEART EYES. He's so smitten. but like him kissing piper is soooo awkward and theres no chem (how can jade and burkley have sooo much chem and nikita and him have zero?) and OFMG who THE FUCK on the writing team wrote "smackeroo?" i hate that word SO MUCH.

The ALMOST Piper Kiss - 2/10 - Same thing no chem but OMG THE LEAD UP AND THE COMEDY. Like the hand holding, the "your a big part of who i am" the "Be you." I AM MELTING. Then the comedy ofc with Patricia like OMFG DEAD and Eddie instantly knows which she is gets one of the top eddie cute moments ever.

Pretty much Alone *Eyebrow waggle* (tunnels)- 5/10 - DEAD. TOO FUNNY. NOT EVEN A KISS BUT HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE BEST SCENE IN THE WHOLE SHOW AND THE ALMOST KISS IN IT NEEDS A RANKING. Was i bias giving it a 5? yes. Do i care? no.

Eddies reward (Library Kiss)- 7/10 - Not my favorite but we get some good camera angles and the lighting in the library is chef's kiss. Simple kiss. Not much to say.

House of Rainbows- 8/10 - Parralels the first kiss so well but because the first kiss was better (imho) I couldn't rank this as high. Still8 out of 10 is good because this is the SIMPtricia kiss. She's smitten after she's done being mad. Also me and my friends used to quote the ever hysterical "good question! I was kidnapped!" forever so bias. ALSO one of the best parts of the parralels is that in the first kiss she kisses him because she can't talk and in this one he kisses her because she wont shut up. cuties. :)

Friends - 6/10 - I WANNA ENJOY THIS KISS SO MUCH MORE BUT THE AFTEMATH OF IT IS SO BAD. Like sheinstantly gets mad again and it's all ruined but boy without that this ones a keeper. Short and simple but so pretty.

Gatehouse - 9/10 - I wanted to give this 100000 because of eddie (he legit runs the whole thing) but i can't give it higher than 9 with the fact that Patricia isn't Patricia. Still THE SPEECH. Ugh if you know you know.

Fireworks- 10/10 - ALWAYS WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE ......a ten. It's perfect.I love it. Best of the season.Eddie loves her so much and she's so insecure but he would never not let her know how much he loves her. and they're just THEM like the games the insults the everything! True power couple.

TOR - 9/10 - This one omg has my heart. She's worried about him, and rightfully so. They might never see eachother again but they won't let that come to their mouth in words. They speak there maybe goodbhye through their kiss and wow are they so in love it's craazy. Super couple Peddie we love you. Would get a 10 if it was a lil longer or had better angles tbh.

[hangmanbradshaw]

I have a lot For the Fanfic Writer Asks

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I LOVE IT. A CHALLENGE. Okay here I go.

🥕What's your favorite fic you've written, and why?

I can't pick one so I'm going two- 1. IWTBY because that was just a story that poured out of me and was such a labor of love and the story and themes were so important to me and the reception has been unbelievable 2. The More You Say is my personal favorite currently and I think it's my best work actually (especially the last chap- might be the best thing I've ever written) but it's so layered and the grief and gripping aspect just...it's my fave kinda vibe.

🍒What genres/tropes do you find yourself using most often?

Rom com and comedic action I think? No matter what I tend to throw some humor or banter into anything I do. Also my general theme a lot of the time is about home/family or learning to love & be loved

🍔What's a headcanon that hasn't made it into a published fic yet?

Jake IS a decent cook (sorry Jake for always making you bad at that)

🍬What's a genre/trope you've never written, but might in future?

Have I really done a legit sci-fi? Maybe played near it, but not fully so that?

🍭What's been your most challenging story to write, and why?

This might be surprising but any iwtby follow up. It's hard to explain why. I love doing it, but it's challenging sometimes.

🍎How do you prioritize which stories to work on when you have multiple ideas?

God I'm stuck in this issue right now cuz I have a million ideas and limited time. I usually go with whatever one is currently sparking the most inspiration or flowing out of me. A certain idea will just bounce in my head and I can't stop thinking about it so I usually focus on that.

🌮How do you balance the desire to write for yourself versus the desire to write for an audience?

I'll always stand by the idea you should write what you love and what's in your heart because it translates onto the page in a way that connects with the reader. They can feel that emotion, I think. There's technical aspects to writing, but the connection and emotional piece I think is one of those magic things that just has to spark itself and you either do it or don't in a story.

🍕What's your favorite comment you've received on a fic?

too many omg I am so so so grateful for so many amazing comments. Generally though any that are crazy enough to say they'd buy a legit book from me or any that talk about how much it impacted them/stuck with them/whatever like.....unbelievable every time.