#never fit in in the states fucking hate it there fucking hate when people view me as american because they’re fine yeah but they’re not me

[touchlikethesun]

“oh, you’re american, really? i don’t get that vibe from you at all!” are we going to fuck right now is that what’s happening

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[lixiektty]

꒰ঌ cupid's cams : kang taehyun ໒꒱ — prev ▸ next

word count: 2.4k, warnings/kinks: dom!taehyun, camboy!taehyun, sub!reader, camgirl!reader, language, unprotected sex, terry has a monster cock, size kink, praise, degradation, objectification, spanking, breeding kink (no impregnation), creampie, bulging, pls feel free to let me know if i missed anything!!

taglist: @hyynee, @enha-cafe, @xiaoderrrr, @lethallyprotected

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ cupid's cams masterlist

"oh baby, fuck," taehyun grunted, doing everything in his power not to fuck up into you, hands latching onto your waist.

you sat on the head of his cock, wincing from the pain. this had been something you had struggled with since the start of your relationship—taehyun being too big to fit. it worried you constantly that he'd get bored because he couldn't fuck you correctly.

this didn't stop you two from having sex though, no. even with a small amount of his length being able to fit, you still tried to make the best of it. being able to feel his lips around your bud and his finger sinking into you instead of his cock. those made up for it, especially when he worked his tongue like a god.

taehyun could tell it was starting to bother you, noticing your small remarks you'd say under your breath when he'd try everything in his power to force himself in. he's never had anyone as tight or small as you so you could say it caused issues when you'd want to be intimate.

with others in your past, you could get right into it—having a quickie at any possible time but with taehyun, prepping you wasn't optional, he'd hate if he was the cause of your pain. it was nice though, being finger-fucked by him and all. long and slender fingers, veins protruding on the back of his hands. his hands quite literally had you in a chokehold. his easing and filthy words guiding you through, adding another digit as time goes by.

tonight, he was planning on fucking you to his full extent—it was like the two of you shared thought processes, getting even more eager to entirely feel one another. it kind of turned him on even more, you being so small his cock wouldn't even fit halfway. even when going down on him, he was so big in your hands, comparing the size to your head and sharing a laugh in the moment.

that's what got you started on the whole camming thing in the first place, taehyun began recording your progress throughout the months of you being together so he could see how much more you could fit each time you had sex— then the day he found out you get paid to do it for people live, changed everything.

and here you are, everyone was hyping up tonight because you announced that you and taehyun had agreed to try as hard as you could for him to fit even if that meant it'd take all night—impatient and desperate. it was kind of a big deal to them all, watching all this time throughout your journey and now you were finally going all in.

taehyun watched you, the more and more you sunk down and took him in the more pain you felt. you were basically suffocating him, sitting on-top of him for minutes that began feeling more like hours for taehyun, you are whining about 'not being able to take it' and just becoming more of a tease that it pissed him off.

you'd lean forward, chest pressed against taehyun's and would wiggle your ass, cunt full of only half his cock but it stretched you out so well.

taehyun was obsessed with the view, getting to see so much in front of him all at once—the monitor showing the state you two were in, cunt hugging him tightly and then the front view that only he got see, your face scrunched up from the slight pain you were experiencing, tits shoved in his face.

you bent down to suck at his neck gently, scattering little love bites all over the skin. your thighs were shaking trying to keep yourself upright. taehyun tried cooing to ease you, as well his thumb massaging your thighs lightly, but nothing was really helping.

"i c—can't," you whimpered into his neck, quietly.

"yes, you can baby, just a little more," taehyun replies.

you groan in response—not enjoying this as much as you were planning, having taehyun here to guide you would help make this enjoyable and it was just a matter of time until you were having the time of your life. didn't help that you were still so sensitive from earlier, taking taehyun's finger until you came more than once.

time goes by and everyone was flooding you two with tips. taehyun couldn't stop watching you take in more of him, further and further, the slightest bit stretching you wide.

"shit—that's so hot, baby look back," taehyun suggested, intrigued by your dripping essence running down his shaft that wasn't covered by you, "so wet you'd figure i would just slip in." he joked.

his fingers came down to toy at your clit, rubbing in fast circles, sure to have you moaning. your body shutters from the contact which soon causes it to completely give up and thighs melt into his. you both groan at the feeling of you falling onto him, pain traveled through you but in the best way possible.

your lock eyes when the man under you, his big and filled with lust. he was fully inside of you, so quick and it felt so good even with it hurting a bit—and though he knew you wanted to take it slow tonight, playing with you and causing you to give up, as you did, felt better than imagined.

"you did it baby," taehyun praises, kissing your cheek after your head fell onto his shoulder, while his hands caressed your back. you clenched tightly, fluttering around his length—taehyun's breaths turning heavy and fast pace.

he was trying. he was trying so fucking hard not to grab your hips and rail you into next week. with the slight wetness felt on taehyun's chest, he knew you crying.

"shh," he shushes you. he knew what you were capable of, so he knew he wasn't pushing you. it'd just take a some time.

the whole thing was pretty wholesome for it to be a stream for horny people to watch—but your viewers loved you both so much they enjoyed whatever you gave to them.

"hurts," you whisper, "can you help?"

"you sure angel?" he asks. you nod and that's all it took for taehyun to grab ahold of your hips and slightly pull them up.

you moan loud when he brings you back down, repeating this action until you relaxed. he was slow and gentle with each movement he made, but he could only think about ruining your body with his cock tearing you open.

his cock felt so good to you, you had it all and the pain slowly faded away as time went on. you had never felt such an sensational feeling before—it almost turned you completely dumb.

"taking it good, just like that," taehyun said in a low tone that caused you to clench around him again.

his hips began to move in sync with how he controlled yours, picking up his pace and loosing himself inside you. curses spilled from his lips, hickey-stained neck on display for you when he threw his head back.

you grab his head and force him to connect his lips with yours. the kiss was messy and hot, salvia most likely dripping from your mouths, but you really couldn't care less. you had waited for this moment the minute you found out taehyun wasn't like anyone else you've had before.

it was starting to feel like everything was going too slow and you couldn't take it, especially not after the pain left and only feeling pleasure now. you jerk your hips forward, taking them back into your own control and riding him while his hips still moved.

"jesus fuck—" taehyun groans, leaving your lips and throwing his head back again.

his hands fell from your hips, gripping onto the arm rests. he was dazed, he didn't know how much longer he could take this before he just picked you up and threw you onto you bed.

you look back, watching your movements closely. taehyun looked so good, you were drooling over just the way he was sitting, legs spread as you rode him. his tip brushed against your g-spot which forced out a sweet-sounding moan from you.

taehyun was already drunk off your pussy. he couldn't take this anymore, he needed to take over and show you how long he's been wanting to feel you like this.

you were shocked when you felt his hands on your hips again but this time, he held them tight in his big hands, keeping you still and lifting you until he almost fell from you. he thrusted up sloppily into your wet cunt, fast and not holding back from treating you like just a hole to fuck.

his pace was much different from yours; he turned you completely numb from how his cock hit every spot inside of you. he was probably moaning more than you, you thought.

you were still in shock from taehyun suddenly drilling into you from under, your moans were caught in your throat—only soft whines being heard from you while taehyun on the other hand groaned loud, didn't care how much louder he got.

he sat up to look behind you, your weak body falling limp onto his as you took everything he was giving to you, "fuck, my slut takes her cock so well."

his words affected you like no other. him referring to his cock as yours only weakened your body more. if fucking him meant it was going to be like this all the time, you'd let him fuck you stupid.

"you're s—so big, so good," you cry out.

taehyun moved faster, if that was even possible, the head of his cock hit your sweet spot until you were spasming around him. you sucked him in more and more, wondering how he kept this up.

truth is, taehyun was planning on fucking you until the sun came up, even after ending the stream—he wasn't going to stop. your cunt hugging him, full of his cock and dripping down onto his thighs. you tried sitting up again but lose your balance once your orgasm hit you, falling against your boyfriend again. this didn't stop him from fucking you until you were screaming from the top of your lungs.

he grabbed ahold of your ass, spreading it for the camera and showing his cock that was buried deep and shined with slick. his hand comes down hard to give a smack with a slight handprint left behind, causing you to jump. taehyun let out a growl like sound, hands exploring every part of you.

"so, so pretty baby," taehyun whispered in your ear, head resting on his shoulder.

his arms wrap tightly around your waist, pulling your body weight up along with his, pushing the chair out of frame and laying you down on the bed that sat behind it—still seen by the viewers.

"you can rest now, i'll do all the work," he says, kissing your forehead before pulling one of your legs up and throwing it over his shoulder. not that you did much work anyways.

he looked so good like this, hair messing and sticking to his forehead, fucked out eyes, sweaty abs clenching with every movement, it was ridiculous how seeing him like this was what woke up your body.

with him having more access and making it easier to fuck into you, he pulled out until only his tip was covered by your warmth—slamming back into you which felt like your soul had just completely left you. you claw up his arms until you find his biceps, gripping onto them for dear life.

"takin' me so fucking well," taehyun says before leaning down to kiss you endearingly.

you kiss back to the best of your ability, but his cock was so deep inside of you it made it hard for you to anything but moan. it almost felt unreal that this was finally happening.

"i'm close," taehyun grunts, pounding into you rougher, "sure you can take it all, darling? i don't want you to waste a single drop. fill you with my kids until you're leaking."

the realization that he finally got to fill you up to the brim with his cum was just now coming to you, and you could not wait. you so desperately needed to feel him.

"just gonna fuck it right back in. you're just too fucking addicting," and you could say the same about him. his mouth was so fucking filthy, matching with every single one of his actions at the moment.

he twitched inside of you, signaling that he was close—but he felt a new orgasm of yours approaching and he wanted you to cum before him. you clung onto him tightly as you felt yourself growing closer. taehyun had made you cum so many times tonight you had lost track, and you knew this wouldn't be the last time either.

"close, angel? cum for me, cream on my dick," his words pushed you further, clenching around him as you spasmed.

taehyun picked up the pace—hitting your g-spot with incredible force which only made you scream. his hands were holding you down, you could barely move, and it was hard for you not to when you were feeling so overstimulated. the sounds that were made by your connected bodies were so lewd, everyone watching had probably worried for your wellbeing.

small whimpers left the man's lips, groans caught in his throat and before you knew it you were feeling fuller than ever. taehyun's hips were jittering as he dumped his cum into you—the whole situation made your head dizzy.

"holy shit, tae—" your nails dug into the skin of his shoulders, dragging down his back, soon meeting his hips and trying to get them to stop.

he giggles, finding it so cute that you were a mess for him and you trying to stop him only made him go faster, the squelching sounds filling the room, cum dripping from your abused cunt and staining both yours and taehyun's skin.

"felt better than imagined, love," taehyun finally stops, your whines decreasing as well, "except, the dumb little cock whore thinks she's in control." he frowns while looking at you with heavy lidded eyes.

you whine, shuffling as you tried to get from under his weight. taehyun sits up straight and pins you down, looking at your bare body, small under him with a bulge in your belly—the cause being his load and thick-headed cock wanting to poke through.

"baby we aren't done," taehyun says, smirk on his face before leaning down and whispering in your ear, "i want to fuck you numb and make more tips while doing it."

[skyesdaisys]

Hey Jaiden!! I hope ur doing well today, I wanted to ask if you could write a Robin Buckley x reader where reader has to watch from the sidelines as Robin pines over Vickie and doesn't realize reader is right there. Then reader starts talking to simeone else (to distract herself from Robin because she believes it's a lost cause) and Robin's like maybe i do like reader?

Thanks:)

i'm doing well, thank you for asking <3 and oh my god, of course. i love robin so much, she's everything to me

—

and i despise my jealous eyes

pairing: robin buckley x fem!reader, and minor robin x vickie & steve x reader

summary: having a crush on your girl best friend was... complicated. even when knowing that she's attracted to girls, just one girl particularly, and that girl was not you

cw: many cups of angst, one sided pining turned two sided (because they're idiots), jealousy (on both ends), happy ending

a/n: robin is everything to me, she's a version of me as well because i kin her so bad, i just felt like she was created for me (as well as for other neurodivegent sapphics out there). also title is lyrics from lacy by olivia rodrigo and i thought it fit here

you knew and have been friends with robin buckley since middle school and during that time, you've been inseparable. your parents would say how much you're both attached to each others hips, which was quite the understatement.

when the both of you were close enough, she came out to you. trusting you enough with who she really is and has not told anyone else. of course you'd understand, maybe not entirely for your 13 year old brain, but.... how could you hate your best friend, your ONLY friend for who she loves? you thought people hating on someone for that was dumb, yet again, you're young, you don't know much of the world and why they act the way it does. but nothing was ever gonna change on how you viewed robin.

once you started high school together, you've experienced some changes yourself. that you found yourself going through an experience that your friend was a couple years prior, but at the time, it didn't mean anything important. and you though, 'this can't be a coincidence that i'm attracted to girls, as is my best friend' and speaking of that best friend.... through this discovery journey, you started seeing robin a different light. she was still your best friend of course, but these feelings were just growing into more than friendship, and that feeling never went away.

you were unsure about your sexuality for most of your high school experience, up until senior year. robin was in band, and she met this cute girl in band, vickie, and it made your just a little bit angry. and it's not just the fact this girl is taking time away from your best friend, but it was the fact robin was looking at a girl like that, and that girl wasn't you.

it's not like you hated vickie, you don't even know her, it was just possessiveness that got to you. everything was just so fucked and you didn't wanna talk about your feelings because you weren't exactly the best at communicating your emotions. especially when you don't like talking about them to begin with.

so, the second best option was to move on, though that probably would take multiple year and not over a span of a few days. you needed some type of distraction, of course. so you decided to hang out with steve harrington. and you a a freshman would be confused and wouldn't believe they'd be friends with steve harrington during your senior year.

and we'll, you were in luck. steve was looking for someone to take as a date to lucas' championship game so you took the opportunity to volunteer. and getting to know steve, he wasn't exactly your type but he was sweet, and yeah, a bit dumb, but he had heart and cared for others. and obviously this wouldn't be a permanent thing for you, but you felt kind of sad for steve because he's been mentioning about finding a girl who isn't leaving out of state to go to college, to find someone who isn't gonna be some boring one night stand and never speak to you again. you knew he wanted something real with someone, maybe it wasn't you but... you wanted to help.

to be honest, he was a gentleman. it wasn't even a dinner date, it was going to a high school basketball game and the two of you were sitting in the bleachers. he did buy you some food as you watched the game, you weren't overly invested since you didn't know much about basketball, but you wanted to support lucas.

during the game though, you and robin occasionally gave one another glances. this had made your heart beat a little too fast, but you ignored it.

the game was over and you and steve were walking towards his car to take you home, then you made a pretty dumb move and kissed him. obviously you didn't like him like that but... distracting yourself in anyway with anyone felt good, but it made your stomach twist up in knots. that had gotten progressively worse that robin was watching the entire thing by the time you pulled away. and she was walking away heartbroken and you were just standing there frozen til steve snapped you out of it by clapping his hands together to get your attention, "hey!" and you looked at him, and you knew, that he knew, "go after her, okay? i'll be fine."

"i'm sorry, steve." you felt awful for using him like this, he was your friend and you took advantage. but he brushed it off, "it's fine. i'd rather have robin be okay than me." and you smiled at him before running after your long time best friend. and you called out to her, "robin, can we please talk?"

"there's nothing to talk about, alright." she didn't turn back to look at you and just kept walking, "i just want you and steve to be happy. i don't wanna get in the way of that." but you managed to catch up to her, making her face you. "that's not what that was, okay? he's not my type." and you got her full attention, "like i won't deny he's easy on the eyes and i think he deserves a girl who'll make him happy, but that's not me. i kissed him because i wanted to distract myself from my feelings. and i'm bad at talking about my feelings. so i just push them down and pray that they'll disappear over time but... some stuff just stays."

robin was trying to understand what you meant, she couldn't exactly understand who you were referring to, "so what are you saying exactly?"

"i like you." you blurted out, "maybe even love you. you're my best friend, and i didn't wanna ruin years of friendship because of how i felt about you. and you have a crush on vickie, which is cool. i'm happy for you, but i just... can't go on without being honest with myself. and i'm sorry if i'm talking too much and i-" but the buckley had cut you off with a kiss. and this time around, it felt great, and it felt real. the feelings and emotions were all there on both ends. she pulled away a few inches to just rest her forehead against yours, "i feel the exact same way. for years, actually."

you gasped in surprised and lightly and playfully punched her shoulder, "are you serious? why didn't you say anything?"

"i didn't think you'd feel the same." and she pulled away from your face with a big smile on her face, "especially since i thought you were straight and i didn't wanna ruin our friendship." and the two of you giggled like idiots. you brought her into another kiss before hugging her tightly, "we're both such idiots."

"yeah, pretty much." she chuckled.

[innerwav]

Wowzers manifestation!

Okay so like I for the first time since the start of my whole manifesting journey I’ve gotten genuine results and it’s kind of crazy?????? Like I did not expect this but I love where I’m headed and this just gave me so much inspiration so I’m making this post to hopefully reach out to all those people who’ve been trying for years and never got like physical results cuz I feel you 😭 Okay so this is like a really small thing so don’t expect a crazy big manifestation but just this small little thing helped me start believing in myself again so YIPPIEEEE!!!!

Basically I’ve been trying to get in the void state right? I know it’s a really easy thing but girl I be falling asleep so for me it’s been a little tough but yeah so on my list of stuff I had written down that I wanted to manifest once in that state is a better charger! And for the longest time I had the old iPhone charger (like yk the old one that actually LOOKED NORMAL AND FIT IN WITH MOST CHARGERS) and then it just stopped working so I bought a NEWWWW one and this shit started tweaking like it did not want to fucking work so now I got on my list that I want a new charger and honestly I didn’t even put much thought into it I just knew I wanted to manifest a new one, tell me why one day I just wake up and like I go get my charger where I knew I last left it and it’s a brand new fucking charger and like new version too 😭😭😭😭 it didn’t even register to me what happen like genuinely I had to take some time to realize oh shoot I didn’t use to have this wtf, bro I searched my whole house and I did not find my two old ones and I asked my brother how long did I have this and he was like, you’ve had it for a long time and OMGGGGGG like I swear even now cuz it’s been like two days I’m still like trying to believe this really happen because I’m genuinely still in shock and I know it’s small but to me this is a huge deal though, and this isn’t even the only thing cause like literally like just Friday I remember going to bed and being like yeah I’m going to the void tonight so I put on this silent booster subliminal and I started like lucid dreaming but I didn’t even realize and honestly it’s all kind of blurry but I remember I was freaking out because I hate lucid dreaming cause I’ve had really bad experiences with it and then boom I made myself go into the void for like a second- craziest thing I was like, oh I’m in the void but like I just came from a freaky ass dream and I want to get out because like I’m still scared and bro I didn’t even get to like really manifest anything but that’s okay because since I’m just now realizing how easy this is, I think I could do it again no trouble because like all I did was start lucid dreaming and then like just want to be in the void and I did so honestly when u hear people saying “it’s so easy!” “It’ll happen randomly” and all that stuff I know it’s like really annoying because you��d think otherwise knowing how epic it seems but really when u get there you’ll understand that it’s honestly not that hard, I hate saying this because everyone’s journey is different really but I feel like it’s just something u need to hear to know that this thing that seems so out of this world and like you couldn’t even grasp how it’s possible really isn’t so out of ur reach, because I used to view it as that but as I’ve detached and I don’t really care much if I get into it or not, the journeys just been so much more carefree and easy. I know that I didn’t give a method or real advice but for me seeing and like hearing peoples results always gave me a bunch of motivation so I’m sorry that I don’t have a step by step guide to give u to help but I hope this small success story helped you at least because for me this has meant so much so for all of those that always felt like u were so out of the loop and out of everybody’s league on here who seems to just be getting so lucky with results, just know u can be like that and u can achieve that and one day u will and that could be today and it all depends on u really. Wish u guys the best honestly and sorry if this is written wonky or awkward I’m just not used to making post with my own words or making motivational stuff so yeah 😭 thx for reading this tho ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[chaussetteblanche]

the view

pairing : miles morales x gn!reader

word count : 1k

summary : spider-man joins you when pondering life one evening at the top of a building

warnings : swearing

Your feet dangled above the bustling city of New York. You leaned back on your palms, staring up at the sky and wishing you could see stars instead of the orange glow. You chest felt tight and your eyes were runny. You felt like you needed a breath of fresh air, but even one of the highest buildings in the capital of the state wasn't enough.

"Hey, uh, you okay ?" A voice came from behind you, startling you slightly. You sighed and looked down at your swinging feet, the soles of your shoes reflecting the lights below.

"I'm not going to jump, if that's what you're worried about."

The person behind you moved forward and you heard the faint rustling of fabric as they sat down next to you. You were surprised to find none other than Spiderman sitting bent forward, elbows leaning on his knees at your side. His suit was dirty, gray covering black and red.

"Tough night ?" you asked, noticing the way his eyes dropped and his back hunched.

"You could say that," he spoke softly and paused, as if debating whether to tell you something or not, "three different people tried to kill me in the span of a few hours." You let out a small sigh, not so sure of what to say. No one had ever tried to kill you.

"That sucks,"

"Yeah," he chuckled wetly, "yeah, it really does." You heard his sniff once, white eyes scanning the city below. You wondered what was going through his mind.

You leaned back and laid down, crossing your arms behind your head. Your gaze fixed steadily on the unnatural colour of the sky, making out a few sparse stars. You felt very small. And your problems very big.

"Do you ever feel like it all gets too much ? Kinda like you can't breathe ?" you asked. He laid down next to you, one arm behind his head.

"Like you're never gonna get out of it ? That it's never going to end ?" he paused, "yeah, sometimes."

"How can you feel so small when everything else feels so- huge ? And destructive and consuming ? It doesn't make any sense."

"What's up with you ?" he asked, turning his head to the side. You looked into his white eyes briefly before turning back to the sky.

"Family, money... Life, I guess," you chuckled humourlessly. "My parents have been separated for years now and they're finally getting a divorce. But... I still feel like I'm taking sides or betraying one of them whenever I do something. I hate it. And I just want to protect my brother from all of it. But I also want to move out. Just get the fuck away from all of it, you know ? But I can't bear the thought of leaving him alone." Confessing to him felt strangely freeing.

"That sucks," he repeated your words from earlier.

"Yeah," you let out a small laugh, wiping your eyes, "it does suck,"

"Someone once told me that you have to live your life for you, you can't live it for anyone else. Even for your brother. People... they'll try to fit you into these boxes and tell you what to do, what's expected of you depending on this and that, but fuck that. Fuck it all. You have to do what's best for you, you know ? To hell with the rest of it. You're the only person who's always gonna be by your side, you gotta look out for you, you know what I mean ? Don't mind the rest. Move out if that's what best for you,"

You turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. A tear rolled down your cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb.

"And moving out doesn't mean that you'll never see your brother again, will it ?" he added. You inhaled shakily.

"Yeah, you're right." You wiped your eyes and chuckled. "That was some deep shit, man," He laughed and watched you as you sat up.

"We've all got our demons to slay."

"I'm Y/N, by the way," you extended your hand to him.

"Mi- Spiderman." He shook your hand and grinned at you, thankful you couldn't see his red cheeks at the slip-up.

"What did you come up here for, anyway ?" you asked, genuinely curious.

"Just- came to think. I like to get above it all. It's quiet up here. Like-"

"A breath of fresh air," you spoke. Your eyes locked and he smiled softly.

"Yeah, exactly."

"What do you see when you look up at the sky ?" you asked after a few minutes of silence. You heard him inhale slowly before answering.

"People I've loved. People I've lost. Battles I've lost. Battles I've won. Opportunities I took and ones I didn't."

"I wish you could see the stars," you both spoke simultaneously, before gasping and chuckling.

"And what about when you look down at the city ?"

"Pressure," he answered immediately, "I see people. People that need my help, my saving. People that need me. Some that I won't be able to save,"

"What about the ones you've saved ? Who are thankful for you ? Who owe their lives to you ?" you asked, frowning slightly. Spiderman was quiet for a moment before humming.

"Yeah, you're right,"

"What do you see ?" he asked after a while, the buzzing of the city below filling the comfortable silence.

"I feel incredibly small when I look up at the sky. Like a speck of dust, really. But I like it, it brings me back to reality. And the reality of my life. Despite everything, I'm still privileged, I've got a family who loves me, no serious money problems and good grades at school." He nodded. "When I look down at the city, I realize everyone has problems. Even Spiderman ! It makes me realize I'm not alone, I guess."

He smiled at your answer. "I like that view."

"So do I, I think."

He stood up and brushed himself off. "Well, if you ever wanna share your view again, I'll be here," he assured.

You smiled and nodded. "You got it, Spiderman,"

Little did you know that that was the blossoming of a beautiful friendship.

[pedrotonin]

B R I N G T H E W H I S K E Y

Summary: Joel catches you stealing from his brother. He ensures the punishment fits the crime.

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!reader

Rating: R

Warnings: Minors DNI! 18+ Joel is not a nice person. Smut.

Word count: 1200+

You arrived at Jackson only a few days ago. A group of men on horses scared the living shit out of you while you were hunting for some much needed food. You tried to hide, but they found you, or rather their dog did. It growled and barked, and you had no choice but to show yourself. They'd screamed and pointed their guns at you and threatened to let the dog attack. While you cowered in front of them, thinking your last minute on this godforsaken planet had finally arrived. It hadn't. Once they made sure you weren't infected, they brought you over to their settlement. They took your gun and knife, but you got to keep the rest of your belongings.

A guy named Tommy told you you were welcome to stay, but also free to leave. That was after they held you hostage in a prison like building for a couple of days. Wanting to make sure nobody would come for you. Nobody did, so Tommy took you under his wing. He said he was going to get you your own house, but until then, you were welcome to stay in one of his spare bedrooms. That's where you were currently sitting on the bed, looking at raindrops cascading down the window.

Tommy and his wife had been really kind to you. They'd not only let you stay at their house, but also shared their food and clothes with you. It was nice. They were nice. But you didn't like being here. Actually, you hated it.

You hated people in general. Being let down so many times in your life, you trusted no one anymore. Not easily anyway. That's why you lied when you told them your name.

Jacky. That's what you came up with. It popped in your brain while you were ogling their whiskey collection. Some of it original and some home brewed. You had a couple of good night sleeps and a full stomach, so it was time to leave.

You would wait until midnight and then sneak out. Taking an original bottle of Jack Daniels with you.

When they retire for the night, you wait an hour before you sneak out the front door. Goodbye Jackson.

You hear the soft snorting sound of horses coming from the stables. Horses, how could you forget. You'd steal one of those as well.

You slink towards the stables as quietly as possible. Inside, you grab a saddle and throw it on the first horse that comes into view.

The sound of a trigger being pulled freezes you, and you feel the cold metal of the gun against the back of your head.

"The fuck you think you're doin'."

A deep, male voice, just behind you.

You don't immediately answer him, and he pushes the gun harder against your head.

"Fuckin' answer me!"

You raise your hands and slowly turn around. He is tall, and very, very angry.

"You're that kid living with Tommy," he states.

"I'm not a kid, old man. I'm fucking 25 years old," you hiss. Earning you a backhanded slap across the face.

"Give me the bag," he snarls.

You don't.

"Give.me.the.fucking.bag" he punctuates each word while taking a step towards you. Jezus, is he going to kill you?

You hand it over, and he opens it. Pulling the bottle of Jack Daniels out. Raising his eyebrows.

"What's this? You fuckin' stole this from my brother?"

Brother? Interesting.

His hand curls around your throat. Walking you backward until your back hits the wall. Then he forcefully turns you around, putting your arms behind your back, holding them with just one of his hands. The other pushes your face against the cold, wet wood.

"Ouch, you son of a bitch!" you howl. The sharp wood poking into your cheek.

"You're going to pay for this," he hisses in your ear. "They hung people for less around here."

"No. No! Take the booze! I will leave this place and you'll never see me again! I'll do anything, please!"

He stays quiet for a second. You can feel his large body hovering behind you.

"Anythin' darlin'?"

What? What is he playing at. Well, you sure as hell aren't getting yourself killed over a bottle of whiskey. So yes:

"Anything."

He smirks. His hand leaves your face to tangle in your hair, and he pulls. Hard. Your head snaps to the side.

He kicks your feet apart and moves your arms above your head. He steps closer and nudges his thigh between your legs.

"Be careful what you wish for," he breathes in your ear. You can't help yourself, you outright moan.

"You like being manhandled like this, sugar? Just my luck."

He presses his whole body against your back, pushing his hard cock against your ass.

"Feel that?"

You lower yourself on his thigh a bit more and start grinding it. Hell, it's been so long.

"Fuckin' slut," he whispers.

His hand opens the button of your jeans and he reaches inside to cup your pussy through your underwear. Finding you wet. He tuts.

"If you run, I'll kill you." He lets go of your arms and grabs your shoulders to turn you around.

You take a better look at him. His mustache and beard are streaked with grey. His hair is curly, also greying. Eyes brown, dark, filled with anger and lust. He's much older than you, but handsome. Tall, strong.

"On your knees."

You do as you're told. He opens his jeans and pulls his cock out. It slaps against your chin. Christ, he's big.

You open your mouth and stick your tongue out and he wastes absolutely no time, putting his leaking cock inside. You close your lips around him and begin to suck him off.

He grabs your head and fucks your face. You choke and gasp for air. He lets you for a moment but then he pushes himself back inside, hitting your troat. Strings of saliva run down your chin and your eyes water while you struggle to breathe.

"Fuck!!" he moans and without warning he comes. Thick, white ropes of his cum hit your tongue and your troat. You swallow all of it.

You think he'll maybe let you leave now, but he's not finished with you yet. He pulls you to your feet and pushes you against the wall again. He rips your jeans and panties down and drops to his knees behind you.

"What are you d-"

His tongue licks a fat stripe over your dripping cunt. Words fail you, only a loud gasp escapes.

He grabs your thighs and burries his whole face between your legs. Eating you out like a man starved. Pushing one, two and even a third finger deep inside you. Fingering you hard and assaulting your clit with his tongue. It doesn't take very long until you feel your orgasm crash over you. You scream while your pussy contracts around his fingers. He takes them out of you and starts to lick them clean. Slurping as he does. Your eyes widen at the sight.

"I have a better idea," he says while he pulls your jeans up and puts his cock back inside his own.

"You come live at my place. I'll keep you safe and you keep my cock warm."

You stare at him. Is he for real?

"Bring the whiskey," he says as he walks out.

You smile and follow him. Yes, this could work.

[opossumprints]

Molting

Tw! mentions of bugs, bullying, and potential mentions of imposter syndrome

The Carolina praying mantis (Stagmomantis carolina) is one of the two most common mantids found in the state of Virginia. The insect is typically brown in color, mimicking the color and general markings of a dead leaf. It is an interesting insect because it can change its appearance to match its environment every molt until it reaches adulthood (when they cease molting). 

Steve feels like that sometimes. Like he changes to fit in with people around him and now that he has shed them he’s stuck being the version of himself that he hates most. The ugly, alone, version that is tucked in the back of his empty science classroom crying over a bug. More technically speaking, crying over the book on bugs that he checked out of the school library. He shuts the book. He can’t afford to replace it, if it ends up tear-stained. 

He was supposed to be finishing up a report for class, he had only written the one paragraph. Came in during lunch and everything. But now instead of writing about the bug he was randomly assigned and their importance in their ecosystem, he's just feeling miserable. 

Maybe he's not being honest with himself. He was never going to work on the bug thing, he was just trying to hide. 

“Heeeeyyyy! Anyone in here?” 

Steve knows that voice, knows the face that will greet him if he lifts his head (which he absolutely cannot do, his face is streaked with tears and he’d like to keep some of his dignity thank you very much). 

Eddie Munson is a year or so older than Steve and looks every bit like the junkyard dogs Steve used to see prowling around outside before his dad remarried. Those dogs were mean-looking things, big and dangerous, armored with black leather and metal spikes, and right now Eddie was no different. Steve has heard him barking venomous speeches about the shittiness of high school and jocks and such, what would he say if he found one crying over nothing? 

Maybe now that Steve has dropped that last and final fake skin, now that he's given up on pretending to be anyone, Maybe now he’ll be left alone.

“Harrington? What the fuck are you doing here?” 

Or maybe not 

Steve looks up through his bangs, still trying to keep his face from view. Munson is by the doorway with a puzzled, kinda grossed-out look on his face. Like he can't decide if it's confusing or nauseating that Steve is anywhere near him. Steve gets that, would feel gross if he was in close proximity of anyone who had been acting the way Steve had been recently.

“I'm doing my assignment for Spencer’s class” Steve croaks “The bug one?” 

Now Munson just looks confused, possibly a bit shocked but what does that matter?

His pretty eyebrows are knit together and his mouth tugs down into a frown…or a sneer? Steve has never been that good with facial expressions.  

“No, you haven't” Munson speaks up ” You've been crying”.

“I could be doing both.” Steve mumbles. He's not sure why he's pushing back. Munson had obviously already seen the tears and they both could see the scattered, empty, pages that were strewn across the table. He had not been doing both.

Munson is shuffling into the classroom now; approaching as if he's trying not to startle a cat. Steve watches him carefully—knows to watch carefully—if Eddie makes one too fast move, Steve is out of there. 

Right now, Munson doesn't seem the type to try and jump Steve, especially because he is very vocal about hating bullies, but Steve will never rule it out after what happened with Jonathan.  Steve used to be smarter, before rich stepmom’s and asshole fake friends,  he used to be more wary of the signs of a beating. If Jon could surprise him, so could Munson.

Steve didn't look away from the approaching man, but he was still somewhat startled by how close he managed to get. Apparently, close enough to press warm and calloused fingertips under Steve’s chin. It feels nice. Feels even nicer when they slide further up his jaw to cradle his face. 

Eddie makes a soft cooing noise as Steve melts into his hold. He feels like he could purr, and wants to be held like this forever.

Eddie taps his face, gets his attention, and waits till Steve finally looks back too him.

“What’s the matter, sweet thing?” Eddie asks “Why are you crying?”.

“ I don’t like who I am anymore” Steve croaks. Eddie coos again, moves around the table to pull Steve against his chest. “ I wanna be who I used to be but I can't no more.” 

“Why not?” Eddie presses. Steve had pressed his face to Eddie’s Stomach, didn't want to look up, so his answer came out mumbled.

“Gotta be who everyone else wants.”

Eddie hums, rumbles all the way through his chest. Steve loves it.

“How ‘bout we do something about that Stevie?” There are fingers running through Steve’s hair now. The deft fingers that had pulled away when Steve was pulled in, thankfully returned. “ We could go to my van? I have blankets in the back, and probably some snacks too. We can talk?” he implores.

“Sounds nice…” it really does “I missed you Eds” 

There is a chuckle, deeper, more rumbly, than the one Steve remembers. It sounds more like a summer thunderstorm instead of birdsong. It reminds Steve of his last happy chunk of childhood. Brings back memories of summers with his best friends, of two childhood sweethearts and their pseudo brothers racing along the railroad tracks tucked away and quiet.   

“I missed you too Stevie”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know, a while back when The Stranger Things play came out there was a poster for a dog groomer owned by the Harringtons and there seems to be absolutely no mention of this seemingly super influential family outside of Steve so I wanted to play around with it. In this universe Steve grows up poor, his dad owns the Junkyard that appears abandoned in season 2, and his mom makes some extra cash on the side grooming dogs.

Steve, Eddie, and the Byers boys grow up as close friends who play in the woods together (that's why Steve knows the railroad tracks lead to the Junkyard), But Steve's dad remarries a rich, young, woman and he is forced to leave his friends.

Right now it can kind of be read as omegaverse but it's very subtle and ambiguous. if people want me to continue the story further I might make it omegaverse because I'm a sucker for Eddie and Steve being scent-mates that get separated during childhood, but I know omegaverse is definitely not everyone’s cup of tea

[primojade]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, 𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓.

“ your arms are the safest haven in this chaotic world we live in. ”

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 | Different scenarios where he questions, and discovers what love truly was, at long last.

𝐂𝐖 / 𝐓𝐖 | gn!reader x wanderer and albedo (separate); fluff, hurt to reverse comfort; cursing; self-hatred for the boys 😭; scara threatens to end ei in his mind 💦 let me know if I missed anything!

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 | this is a very self indulgent fic I thought of when watching the 3.3 live stream yesterday 😭 I just added albedo because i'm a simp, okay xD otherwise this is supposed to be scara-centric 👀

Masterlist

The Wanderer always knew that his mother viewed him as a failed creation, knew that she never loved him the way she adored her sister. 

He even knew that the Raiden Shogun never loved him. 

His whole life, the puppet never saw true love, never knew what true love looked like, was afraid of the aspects and emotions that caused love. 

What he thought was love was so sick and twisted. What he thought was love was drowned in emotional abuse and abandonment. What he thought was love all ended up so wrong, so absolutely fucked up. How could he possibly let himself trust again?  

The thing meant to do good for the people, only caused more harm in the end. He put his trust in three people once, and nothing good came out of it. 

The Wanderer would—could—never trust again. 

(But he did trust again.)

Despite this, a closed off boy, a nearly broken puppet beyond repair, fell in love deeply. Simply craving the affection his mother never gave him. Craving physical touches and gentle words from the strange person he recently met.

No wonder the puppet feared what he never had, never dreamed of having. Feeling anything beyond pain and suffering and loss was foreign and unnatural. Allowing such feelings when hating his mother and everyone in the world by the second felt selfish and he hated himself, hated himself, absolutely despised himself over it.  

The Wanderer seemed to change by the days that passed, sometimes it felt more like merely an hour, or minutes that passed by. A boy in absolute terror who cried out for his mother in the past, wanting to hug her, to choke her by the neck, to hear her called him her son, wanted her dead, wanted her suffering in the same way he does.

He had suffered since his creation. A case of Nature vs Nurture; where nurture is superior, and the puppet is left completely alone. 

The wandering eccentric persona, his persona as Kunikuzushi, the cruel Balladeer of the Fatui, the persona he showed to the Tsaritsa and her Harbingers, the persona he showed to the Dendro Archon, the persona he showed the rest of the world…the persona he showed to you.

Among them, which one was the real him? 

Scientific theories stated that people have multiple facets, slightly different personalities that are all ours. Personalities that rebounded social cues curated by the situations and people we are around. Our need to fit in, our need for self fulfilling is what makes us have these multiplying and seemingly infinite forms. 

So, why did it feel so wrong?

On the days when missions and commissions cut a bit too close, he wasn’t afraid to die. Nahida would give him another long lecture about not being invincible, and somewhere along, you would reprimand him for being so careless with himself. He hated how much you and the Dendro Archon could see through his tough farce. 

"...Why do you even give a shit about me?"

"I give a shit about you not dying, idiot, about not having the godsdamn Fatui on our asses because you wanted to plot revenge."

"Shut up, [Name]."

Even the Wanderer knew it was a lie. You cared, Nahida cared. Even the Traveller and their annoying talking companion cared too in their own ways.

But could they really blame him? It's inevitable and hard to change, no matter how hard he tried. Worthless, incompetent beings like him were only doomed to suffer should they allow themselves to feel.

It's what he was, all he was, all he should ever be allowed to be. 

"...Wanderer, I love you."

"...A horrible decision. You could have so much better. Why put yourself in so much danger? You should be with someone safe and reliable. I am a cruel man, [Name], you know that. I could kill you if I—"

"...I know you spent your entire life listening to empty promises and hurtful words. I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but it doesn’t make me love you anything less, you know. And I certainly would never leave you for it. Wanderer, I want to be with you. And I’ll show you by staying by your side, by cheering on you, by taking care of you until the end of time.

"...Why I choose you? Because you’re clever, and extremely intelligent. You’re intuitive, you know when something’s wrong with me. When you told me the truth about yourself, I never felt afraid, it made me want to stay by you, stay with you, be with you more. You love so hard, Wanderer, that you don’t realise how much you care and how much you're hurting yourself in return. You pretend to hide it away because you’ve only been hurt time and time again. But I could see it. I see beyond that ruthless persona you painted yourself into was the real you. I see the Wanderer that Nahida sees as a son. I see the Wanderer that the Traveller puts their trust into no matter how many times he had tried to hurt them.

'"...I see the Wanderer that would put his life on the line for someone he loves, who holds me close to him while we sleep at night. The one that nuzzles his head into my neck before waking up to make the best breakfast I’ve ever had. The one who wants to sit and stargaze and take care of flowers and feel the wind, though begrudgingly.

"The one who wants a normal life, a happy and safe life. Who wants a family and warmth and love and protection. I know, I love you because I know. I love you because perhaps some higher power beyond made us destined to be together despite all the hurt and betrayal. But my free will, my own heart won’t let you slip away—even you yourself say otherwise. I love you so much."

"...I…" I love you so much, too. "...A truly horrible decision, really. You will regret sticking your nose with my business, idiot."

"...Call me whatever you like. But I know I will have no regrets being with you. So, come here. Don’t hold back those tears either, I’m here no matter what."

There was so much that the once broken puppet wished he could say, but he held back for the sake of preserving whatever dignity he had left. But he was completely floored once again by you. Left speechless, and teary eyed, crying inwardly into your shoulder as you whispered comforts and soothing affirmations. Holding him close, rubbing his back in a way that made the anxieties slip away.

This wasn’t the end. He was aware that the insecurities and anger and doubts would bubble up again soon. However, you would be there even then, providing the same stability and affection he needed, he wanted. Time will just keeps on going and turning, but surely the pain, little by little, like grains of sand in a hourglass, will fade away.

Whether this unexplainable feeling was happiness, content, love, or entirely something else…perhaps it should not matter anymore.

Because not all that wanders were lost—at least not anymore. And despite lacking a physical heart, the Wanderer felt it, at long last.

Multiple theories stated that a person is either left brained or right brainedーeither drowned in the world of alchemical codes and mathematical and logical equations, or simply buried knee deep in the latest light novels and in their wildest imaginations. Those with a left brain are logical and cynical. Right brains being artistic and emotional. 

Then, why was it that despite the hours spent fretting over alchemical codes, studying numerical equations, drowning x, y and z; Albedo developed a knack for the arts? 

Sure enough, he was good at alchemy, so much that he could be called a genius of the century, they say. He was intellectually capable of impossible memorisation and observation. So, if learning were as easy as a-b-c…

Why was there the want, the need, to indulge himself in loving you? 

The engagement to have the creative liberty and freedom to live his life with you—that wasn’t what he was known for, was it, now? That was not what he was created for. 

Alchemy and calculations tossed to the side in order to succumb to a foreign feeling like a hopeless romantic, yet Albedo should not feel. He had no right to feel. Artificial humansーa homunculusーlike himself were not meant to feel. 

But, what if he fell in love? 

So, what if suddenly he wanted to draw romantic starry sketches about someone he pine for?

Someone that, despite his numerous attempts to gently push away, only pulled him closer? 

If he were to suddenly be inspired by contemporary romance, that was no one’s concern, but his own. 

Does it feel wrong, however.

Enjoying life created deep depths of bitterness and abandonment. All the sketches, his greatest achievements, and glaringly successful alchemy experiments in the world, felt absolutely meaningless when Albedo thought about his place—where he ought to stand in this world. 

Perhaps that in itself became the reason for his artistic endeavors—emotions bottled up for so long they had been forgotten. It was common, he supposed. Forgetting memories was a consequence of heartless indifference after all, whether they are artificial or natural beings.

Albedo was not quite certain what to feel. Was it anger? Disappointment? Maybe self-hatred for his own existence? Did he feel love? Or was it merely compensation for the years upon years of loneliness and abandonment? 

If Albedo developed feelings for you, the strange person who showed him romantic affection, was it really, truly, love? Was that what it really meant to feel this so-called…true love?

He wasn't certain, that one was for sure. The alchemist could solve an array of problems that would give the seven mysteries of Teyvat a run for its money, could pinpoint the exact ingredients for his never ending experiments, but love…

Love remained the greatest unsolved mystery for him. 

Was it fair to you? 

No.

Didn’t it make him feel like a hypocrite to proclaim his love to you when he didn’t even know what love truly was? 

Yes.

The psychological repercussions of overthinking and intelligence becomes, if it comes to this endevours, a daily nightmare for him indeed.

As much as Albedo tried to be loving, it scared him—terrified him that you would one day wake up and leave him. That this whole thing was a mere fickle dream or a heartless trick of his mind to ease his burdens, and then he’d be alone again, abandoned and lost. Left alone in his strange fascination for alchemy and mysteries, pretending like nothing really mattered, an indifferent alchemist. 

It's what he was, all he was, all he should ever be allowed to be.  

"—Hey. Hey! Albedo? Hehe, you finally looked at me! Could you tell me what’s on your mind?"

"...I really should not. It would merely burden you and—"

"...Nope. Don’t start with that, silly. How many times do I have to tell you that bottling up your emotions will do more harm than good? Plus, I’m always here willing to listen to you."

That’s what he loved about you. Always caring for him. Always firm and assertive when you knew you were in the right. You never backed down, especially if the enemies came from his foreign emotions. 

"...I...I'm terrified,"

"...on the inside?"

"Yes. I just—I was wondering…how do I know if I’m...truly in love with you?"

"Hmm. When I do this, what do you feel?"

"Um…well—heh—my heart starts beating faster."

"...Your cheeks are red, too."

"...And I want to kiss you, truly."

"Why is that?"

"I'm not certain. There’s this fascinating magnetic pull inside me that makes me want to hold you close to me, kiss you senseless, and never let you stray away. I want to tease you nearly to tears, then be the person you could rely on. There's this peculiar feeling that cannot wait to give you everything you ever wanted in the world. Its strange, truly strange, but even more strange enough, I felt...very content."

"Do I make you happy, then?"

"Very, very much. You have no idea."

"...Bedo, I think you just figured out what love is on your own."

My. So, he did love you.

He loved Klee, too. Albeit not the same way as you, but the way a big brother loves his little sister should have, the way family was supposed to be. He loved his Master as well in a maternal sense, and all of his friends and comrades. The want to keep them safe, the teasing, the inexplicable happiness he felt around them, it was all love, all along. 

Albedo would say he had you to thank for helping him realise. But he knew you well enough that you would say that maybe you did help, but for you, it was all himself. You just patiently hinted it out to him to figure out on his own.

Albedo loved you rather intensely, he discovered. And being with you is love in and of itself, at long last.

TAGLIST (let me know if you want to be added in my future works!): @samarill , @maehemthemisfit , @chocogi

[girldragongizzard]

Chapter 6: Holes

Getting back into my apartment is actually not all that hard, since it has a big hole in it.

The silly part to me is that I have to take the stairs down to the ground floor, open the front door to the building, and then go outside just to see it. And then, in order to get the altitude to fly to it, I have to treat one of the streets as a runway and do a couple of loops when I clear the lowest buildings. I want to be able to slowly glide in to land in the hole, with as much control as possible, so I want to start higher than it.

Still easy enough, just tedious.

The traffic is light enough today that I can do this. I might have to try climbing during rush hour.

And there’s tape and a sheet of plastic across the hole, but I don’t care about that.

I do note that the businesses that are directly below my apartment are closed for the day, with that sidewalk cordoned off for safety. But my coffee shop is still open.

I do really want people to know that this is all Whitman’s fault.

But tearing through the plastic and yellow tape to enter my apartment does give me a tiny little taste of what it must have felt like for Whitman to crash through a brick fucking wall.

I want to argue with the physics of that feat, but I can breathe fire, and we’re both physically dragons. There are things at work here that were not taught about in high school or college science classes. Or any classes at all, I imagine. None that I took.

My skeletal structure alone is something that biologists will want to study intently at some point. If I let them.

My apartment is even more of a wreck than it was when I left it. The landlord and anybody else that they let in had apparently cleared a pathway to the hole by just shoving debris to the side, piling it on my belongings without any care. They didn’t touch or ransack anything else, but this obvious disregard for a bunch of things I was probably going to have to discard anyway still feels like as much of a violation of my space as the damage done by Whitman.

I hate it.

And I spend a few seconds hating it some more before I crawl to the bathroom.

I’ll spare you a description of what I have to do in the bathroom to use the toilet, though. It’s undignified and you’re probably imagining it just fine anyway.

Suffice it to say, while I can fit in there, I can never get a full view of myself in the mirror. I have to use dark shop windows on the street for that, and I’m pretty eager to get a selfie somehow, or get somebody to do a whole set of boudoir photos of me. That would be both funny and really cool to look at. Especially if my boudoir is my living room in its current state.

Anyway, despite all the damage, I’m starting to feel a lot more relaxed now that I’m in my own place. And while I’m still on the toilet, I find myself singing and practicing noises again.

I even keep it up when I go to eat the rest of what’s in my fridge.

One of the really cool things about my new anatomy is that I can breathe and make noises while my mouth and throat are full of a quarter pound of deli ham.

I’ve found I literally can’t eat as often as a human does. Because of how my hunger and digestion works, I have to gorge myself every couple of days if I’m active, it seems. But, I very clearly eat more than a typical person, and that worries me. I can’t exactly afford it.

Also, what does it mean in terms of my future development as a dragon?

If I manage to keep eating this much, is it because my body just needs this many calories to do what it does? Or am I growing?

And thinking about that then raises the question of what my expected lifespan is now, if I don’t get eaten by someone like Whitman.

I just really don’t know. There’s no precedent for any of this, and no experts. Just a bunch of myths that seem reasonably accurate so far because they describe such a broad swath of possibilities that you could make the case that a white tailed hare is a kind of dragon if you wanted to.

And on that note, once I’m done eating, I crawl over to the hole in my apartment and lie down there with my foreclaws and snout poking out into the outer world to rest and start digesting my food. And I fall quiet for a bit.

I actually kind of like this, and wonder if I could convince the landlords to let me keep it. I’m not really serious about the thought, because I still agree with Rhoda that I should move somewhere more secure and less potentially harmful to any neighbors I might have. I like living downtown, and this hole in the wall apartment would be perfect for me now. But if I’m going to be occasionally attracting challengers like yesterday, it’s just not safe or practical.

I do wonder, though, when I move how am I going to move all of my stuff?

Besides Rhoda, Chapman, and the baristas of my coffee shop, I don’t really have a group of friends who I could call on to help me move. And, on my SSI, I can’t afford a moving company.

I could try to crowdfund a few hundred dollars for a move, but then I’ve got to be careful it doesn’t go over the $2,000 limit for SSI qualification. But if I move into a care, at least I won’t need rent and utilities, and all I’ll need to worry about is food, phone, and… healthcare?

Who am I going to go to for healthcare?

A vet, probably. Shit. That’s not covered by Medicare.

This line of thought is just full of so many depressing realizations and –

Hey! There’s another dragon!

There’s another dragon flying across the bay, and it’s not Whitman!

Before I can stop myself, I’m rumbling. The rubble and dust on either side of me vibrates, and particles dance right off the edge of the hole in the wall and fall to the sidewalk below.

I lift my head to track their flight path, and feel this sneeze-like urge to squawk and rattle at them. It’s so hard to hold it back, and I might be revising some of my thoughts on instincts. But, dammit, I’m holding it in.

Since midday yesterday, my life has just been this non-stop sequence of mini-disasters, and I don’t need another one right now. Couldn’t that dragon just fuck off? I need them to go away so fast. They need to get out of my eyesight. It’s way too early in the morning for this shit.

Maybe if I go down to the coffee shop and hang out there I won’t need to see this kind of thing.

Fuck ‘em.

“rrrrrRRRRRRAWOWAAAK!!! NOKNOKNOKNOKNOK!!!!”

Shit.

And here comes another –

“GRAAAAK NOKNOKNOK!!!”

And I’m relieved just like I’d sneezed.

A cry comes back that sounds so canned, so much like a famous scream, I decide to name that dragon Wilhelm.

But they keep flying, and even seem to veer away from me. My movement focused eyesight does a great job of catching that subtly. And honestly, it’s critical when doing things like flying right into a wooded park, like I did yesterday.

I feel myself relaxing, but then I see some people on the street pointing up at me. My head twitches to put them in the center of my sight.

They wave cheerfully.

Cool.

I feel kind of proud, so I let myself puff up my chest. It’s not as impressive as it would be if I had feathers to fluff or a dewlap to inflate as well, but I don’t really care.

My emotions are just so strong today, and now that I’ve fought off two dragons, or scared them away, it’s hard not to feel possessive of my space and confident that I can keep it just fine. I’m still telling myself I eventually need to move. But I’m no longer ruminating on how or when to do it.

So I find myself sitting here for some time before I consider doing something else. I don’t really know how much time passes.

I watch some birds fly by. Some crows. A bunch of seagulls. And the seagulls look like something I might be able to catch and eat.

And then there’s a knock at my door.

At first, I’m startled and think of the police. But then I remember that I left Rhoda’s apartment without mentioning where I was going or leaving a note. Because, mostly, I didn’t have a good way of doing either without waking her up.

But after I get myself to the door to answer it, I remember that it’s locked and I look forlornly at the lock switch on the knob.

I can manage the deadbolt, but I can’t manage that little thing.

I make the classic ringtone noise loudly enough I think it can be heard through the door, then wander back to the hole. That should let her know that I’m in here, at least. And confuse anybody else that it might be. And if the door remains locked, maybe she’ll figure out how I got in.

I hear the doorknob rattle just a little, and then nothing.

I’m hopeful.

In the meantime, I don’t see any other dragons flying about, and I’m thinking I might be ready to visit the rest of my territory, such as it is.

And before too long, Rhoda walks out to the empty parking space just below my apartment and waves up at me.

I do a short chirp of the ring tone, and launch myself from the hole, gliding out to land in the parking lot across the street, landing in a row between the cars. It’s pretty easy to turn and walk toward Rhoda from there.

“Has anyone told you that you’re loud as fuck, Meg?” Rhoda asks once we’re in reasonable earshot of each other.

I lift my head and give her the smuggest cat smile.

I can’t help it, I’m feeling proud of how loud I am today. It’s saved me from another fight, the way I’m seeing it at the moment. Please don’t tell me otherwise.

“I don’t suppose you’ve read or heard the news yet,” she says.

I turn my head.

“Well, you and that other one definitely are not the only dragons that are out now,” she reports. “It’s a worldwide phenomenon, and most people are taking it in stride. The anchors I listened to were reporting it like it’s the latest step forward in civil rights or something, or a fashion trend. But, oh, there are some people who are just mad as hell about it!”

I grunt and stomp a foot.

“Let’s go get coffee and I’ll fill you in,” she suggests, so we do that.

It’s the Kims behind the counter today. Or Kim and Kimberly. And they’re delighted to see me, if a bit grumpy about the sudden construction site next door. Then, as Rhoda is placing our orders and insisting on paying for them, Kim thinks to ask if it was my apartment that exploded.

I look at Rhoda.

Rhoda explains, “We were cleaning up Meg’s apartment when –”

“Oh!” Kim exclaims, looking at me. “Your name is Meg now? Cool! I love it!”

I cat smile, full of giddy feelings at recognition, and Rhoda smiles up at me, too.

Then she continues, “We were tiding up and Meg was telling me about meeting Chapman, when another dragon attacked and broke right through that brick wall to challenge Meg. It was a whole mess.”

“People’ve been saying that,” Kimberly says.

“Yeah, but they didn’t say it was her apartment,” Kim looks back and points at me with her thumb.

Kimberly shrugs, “I just kinda figured.”

Kim turns back to Rhoda, brow furrowed, and asks, “You weren’t hurt, were you?”

“Ha!” Rhoda barks a laugh. “I’m going to need some extra heavy counseling from the police visit later that night, but no. No, I’m fine.”

“Ugh! I wish cops would just fuck off forever,” Kimberly huffs, and then takes the order slip from Kim and turns to start making drinks.

I was just going to go for a big cup of drip, but Rhoda has ordered me another mocha.

“It sucks you’re going to have to move,” Kim says to me. “Or, is the landlord going to give you a temporary lodging while they fix your place? Aren’t they legally required to?” She squints back to Kimberly.

“This is all new territory,” Rhoda says. Then she turns to me and says, “I’m sorry. I’m going to say what I think is the truth.”

I bow my head in acknowledgement. But I don’t really want to. I’m trying to think of ways I can stay in my apartment, even and including fully draconic methods for making sure it’s known I’m not leaving. But, I know I’m going to have to.

Rhoda turns to the Kims and explains, “If a dragon can break through a brick wall like that, and fights like that are at all likely, none of them can be staying in buildings with humans. It’s just not going to work out well for anyone. Even if the management agree to keep Meg in the building, she’s going to want a place that’s more secure. Like a cave. For her own sake.”

I bow my head again.

“Oh, that sucks. But I guess that makes sense,” Kim says.

“It’s hard,” Rhoda says. “The news says that statistically there could be anywhere from fifty to a hundred dragons in our own city alone. And I can’t believe there are that many suitable caves in the county. Though, I wouldn’t know.”

Eyes wide, both Kims say, “That’s a lot!”

“Jinx!” Kimberly says.

“Eh,” Kim responds. Then repeats, “That’s a lot.”

“Just zero point one percent of the human population, if that,” Rhoda says. “But, yes. A lot. Dragons take up a lot of space.” She glances at me. “Even if they can fit in a one bedroom apartment without scratching the walls too badly.”

I make a knocking sound as quietly as I can.

Eventually, Kimblerly finished our drinks and takes them both to my favorite table, which is up front near the counter. And we continue our conversation, mostly with me listening and slurping up my drink. And Rhoda fills us all in on what she’s been learning.

And I’m thinking I wish Chapman would show up, because sie is probably just swimming in all of this, and would love to hypeshare about it. Sie’d probably grill Rhoda for what she heard, too. And we’d all end up even more well informed.

But Rhoda is on it as anyone can be, and it turns out that there’s still just not that much known about what’s going on.

People are wondering, though. They may not be all that surprised by the appearance of a dragon, or the discovery that a loved one is a dragon. But everyone is wondering what’s going on. Including other dragons. There were a couple that were using AAC like me that got interviewed, and they expressed their confusion as well.

And, of course, there are some people who are up in arms about it all, too. About the same people you’d expect of any big social change, or emergence of a minority group. White supremacists, mostly, really. Terfs, Evangelicals, conservative Catholics, Militia groups, Trumpists, Fundamentalists. There’s a really strong religious contingent, and mostly Christian in nature, who are objecting to the presence of identifiable dragons in the world. And some are citing it as a sign of the end times or something. I expect there are other religions that have sects and denominations that are raising concerns or preparing to be militant about it, but being in the U.S. and English speaking, we’re not hearing much about it yet.

With the looming election, it makes my blood run colder than it already is. And I remember I’m also trans.

My life was already complicated and in danger because of my disabilities. But now I’m the new hot target for political debate, and I haven’t exactly been able to lie low locally in the past day. And my shape, size, and territorial instincts aren’t going to make it easy, either.

I have a moment wondering if, since people seem to recognize the dragons they’ve known since before the change, how this will all play with intersectional oppression. But I’m not really sure of my own ability to assess that, besides to conclude it will be complicated. I know that, in my case, I didn’t have a lot of resources before, with not much to lose, but not much to draw upon, either. And, also, I’ve traded in a couple of disabilities for a whole new one.

And thinking of that, I realize there are a few things I want to say to the Kims, so I nudge Rhoda with my nose and then point my snout at her purse.

She understands and pushes her phone across the table to me, after opening up the AAC app for me.

I hold up my claw and flex it, and then proceed to knuckle out a few simple sentences.

“My name Meghan the Dragon,” I say. “Meg OK. Cute. She and her.”

Both the Kims smile in response to that, and Kimberly says, “Well, you’re cute!”

“I see two dragons,” I continue. “I name: Whitman, Wilhelm. Whitman ass. Wilhelm smart.”

Rhoda chuckles, and says, “Oh, so that one that attacked was Whitman?”

“Yes.”

“And I haven’t seen Wilhelm yet?”

“If smart. Won’t.”

“Ah,” she says. “Is that why you were making so much noise this morning?”

“Yes.”

“Speaking of noises,” Kimberly says, “I hear you can imitate the door chime.”

I hold up a crooked claw in the best sign for one moment I can make, then knuckle out, “How fifty dragons eat?”

Everyone stares at me. I hear the rest of the cafe go silent.

“How hundred?” I ask. “What cost? What eat?”

Then I see some fortuitous movement outside the window and let my head track the flight of a seagull passing by, then look back at the Kims and tilt my head.

“Oh, shit,” Kim says.

In agreement, I make the door chime sound.

“Don’t do that during business hours, please. Or at all.”

[archivalofsins]

I love when people try to discuss Kotoko, saying she wasn't persecuted by like-

Being sorta ableist and conflating persecution to trauma. Subtly pushing forward this idea that normal people don't turn out like her. Come on, now. Just listen to what's being said for a second.

Firstly, everyone has trauma. Like literally everyone, there is no such thing as a person devoid of trauma. Regardless of how big or small another person may believe someone else's trauma to be, no one goes through life without dealing with some distressing or disturbing events.

So, anyone who truly on some level believes having trauma can be used as an excuse/justification for her acting the way she does or only people with certain sorts of trauma who went through certain sorts of things that possibly have certain types of diagnoses are the only one's who would behave like she does...

May want to start tackling their own internalized ableism before they fall into stereotyping. People using Kotoko's answer about persecution to highlight that she herself has no issue admitting she's never received what the fuck she dishes out and her having trauma are two seperate things. I don't even know how they ended up being connected to begin with.

Sure a person can have trauma from being persecuted, but being persecuted isn't the source of all trauma. That's why they're two different words.

That's why the question was phrased like this.

Q.18 Have you ever personally been persecuted in the past?

Kotoko: I haven’t. But are you trying to say that if you haven’t had those experiences you can’t hate evildoers?

Because it was asking about whether Kotoko experienced the same persecution she put others through. Her answer was no. Where exactly does trauma come in here? This is a bad faith reading of this situation, but I can't view this talking point as anything other than people attempting to consistently show off that they think/believe people who have experienced incredibly traumatic things are not normal and therefore are the only people who would end up like Kotoko. Causing me to consider that the only reason people want Kotoko to be traumatized is so they can point at that trauma and say she can't be like me I can't end up like her because she's fundamentally different from the average person. An average person wouldn't be like this.

I think this because no one, not even the question discussed, ever brought trauma into this.

Now, I have personally stated to people who claim Kotoko must have trauma to be the way she is, that she admits to not being persecuted. To state why I personally doubt she has trauma to the extent that others want her to have it for some reason. Because she explains what she views as evil in her first voice drama, the persecution of the weak and innocent, bullying, torture. The translation I saw which is on YouTube, specifies bullying and torture. For her to state she has not been persecuted directly after stating what she defines as persecution in her first voice drama paints a pretty clear picture.

Along with the fact that she literally gets defensive about stating she hasn't been persecuted. Literally stating,

"But are you trying to say that if you haven't had those experiences, you can't hate evildoers?"

So, it's clearly a sore spot for her. She didn't go, "No, I'd never be a victim." She literally went, "Oh, are you saying I can't hate evil because I haven't personally been persecuted by it? Is that what you're getting at? I know an evildoer when I see one."

That's a weird way to lie. It's weird to lie about not having something done to you and then in the same sentence point out and attempt to combat how that may be weaponized against you. Because if she recognizes it could be used to imply that she isn't fit to do the things she's doing due to the fact she has no firsthand experience with being persecuted then she honestly could have and should have lied. Because that's exactly what saying this highlights and she not only knows but calls that it to attention herself in the same answer.

So, why would I not believe she's being honest? She highlights exactly how this won't benefit her while answering.

Well, but- See Gunsli you brought trauma into it just now! You're admitting that right here and continuing to debate it. Yes, because I don't fundamentally believe a person has to have certain types of trauma to behave the way Kotoko does. She is a very normal person.

I say I don't think she has trauma to people who say she must because I recognize that it is ableist to assert she must simply because of how she is, and it does nothing to benefit her narrative to me. The reason I use this question to highlight that is because people who have trouble discerning ableism will instead be tripped up by the question than ever ask if being persecuted and having trauma are the same thing.

Even if Kotoko's lying here and she has heaps of persecution and there are people slandering her name every day and judging her for what she did-

Q.10 What were you called online?

Kotoko: A lot of things. Cause there were people who supported me, and then there were also morons who just didn’t understand.

That would not equate to trauma, and given her first written interrogation, she does not consider what she just stated here a form of persecution.

Even though it is having a ton of people discuss you negatively in spaces that you can see would count as the second definition of persecution,

Persistent annoyance or harassment.

To annoy with persistent or urgent approaches (such as attacks, pleas, or importunities): Pester.

Though the public to our current knowledge didn't know of Kotoko by name. She still had to experience the exact same thing Futa did at the end of Bring It On. That is people online judging her for what she'd done. Something I would count as persecution, but again, Kotoko doesn't and did not count that when asked last trial. Because her definition involves active bullying and torture. It involves physically injuring someone.

She personally does not view herself or any of the experiences in her life as facing the same persecution as the weaklings she claims she wants to protect. Full stop, that's what her answering in that way means. Anyone can claim she's putting up a tough front, but that's what saying that means when placed alongside everything else.

We know nothing about Kotoko's home life. It isn't shown in any of her videos. Barring some massive change in trial three, I don't see it having much to do with her crime. She's with the child from the warehouse more than we see her with her family, which isn't a hard bar to pass because her family doesn't show up at all.

Hell, maybe since we saw Amane's trauma after she was voted, Guilty Kotoko enjoyers who are interested in her trauma should just vote her guilty. Apparently, being guilty will unlock that trauma real quick. Still, even if in the end we find out Kotoko has heaps of persecution and oodles of trauma.

Having trauma alone does not make anyone more likely to turn out how Kotoko did or like any of the prisoners, for that matter. They made the choices that got them here and have continually said so. Kotoko's main thing is jumping people she is the sole instigator of every conflict we've seen her in. She could have called the cops and told them this guy's whereabouts. She could have chosen not to jump that other man on the street. She could've been in law school. Instead, she chose to drop out or go on leave in favor of prioritizing tastelessly larping as Jason Todd from the fucking Batman comics.

So put the trauma strawman back in the cornfield where it belongs. Actually read that question and really analyze how having trauma would change anything about Kotoko's narrative. Ask why some people would like others to believe having trauma in this case is a get out of jail free card a reasonable justification and explaination of her behavior. Is it really about adding depth or making others feel bad for Kotoko.

Really recognize how behaving in a way that indicates one believes only individuals who have gone through trauma can do the things Kotoko has done actually comes off to people who have experienced trauma. People who may simply not project on this character as many others do. People who, due to their trauma, may recognize that even at their worst moments, they didn't do the things that any of the prisoners in Milgram decided to do. That due to that recognition even if Kotoko did have trauma even if she has gone through a lot there would still be some people who'd say that's no excuse.

Just like with Amane. People saw her trauma on screen in Purge March and dismissed it. She has one of the closest verdicts of trial two. So will having trauma really help Kotoko or make her look like more of a lost cause. Have people considered what they're asking for fully?

Most of the prisoners have said they've had normal lives in some capacity. Yet no one has said that means any of them have not had trauma. Because again, having a normal life and having trauma is a given. These are two things that exist together. No one lives a life that's trauma free. Distressing and disturbing things happen on every level even when someone is well off.

It's the specific sort of trauma people are trying to put on Kotoko, why, and how they're going about doing that, which makes it gross to me. Literally Kotoko could go, I have a normal family and the audience will go we're gonna have to pull another Yuno don't listen to Kotoko she doesn't know about her own fucking life. Despite her life and childhood not really being connected to her crime. It's not like she was jumping family or classmates. She only knew about these people from news outlets.

Her songs don't show her complaining about her upbringing or life circumstances at all. They do allude to jer not having the best self-esteem. Through her covers being Anti Beat, Streaming Heart, the lyric about laughing and being able to like herself, how she begins to visualize herself over the course of Deep Cover.

I'm not going to argue about if she had trauma outside of asking what exactly changes if she does? Because I don't give a damn if she has trauma. Everybody does. Her feelings aren't her fault but how she acts on them are her fucking responsibility. Stop insisting that only the wrong sort of person ends up in Milgram. People ended up in Milgram. Whatever trauma they may have is not an excuse for killing people.

End of story. But Amane Gunsli but Amane-

20/06/13

Amane: ……what’s wrong, Shidou-san? Your hand has stopped marking. This is mathematics, so there’s no questions about the answers. If I got something wrong, please mark it with an X.

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad……

Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that-

I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?

……please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead.

Shidou: Amane…… I don’t think that’s true. However smart you may be…… you’re still just a child.

I once again ask why so many in this fandom are comfortable with treating the child like an adult but keep treating these full ass adults like children? To the point that the child we judge understands accountability better than any of us! Amane has never used her trauma as an excuse for her behavior. She won't even use her age because she already knows what she did was not the best decision and has said so from the start. What has Kotoko said?

Oh, but if we just don't believe anything that Kotoko says ever or pick and choose when we do, we can all just build a better Kotoko. Man, I really can't wait to see how that turns out since we've already got a character who has been treated like that.

[aihoshiino]

After reading the latest chapter, I found it intriguing that right after the panel where Ayumi says that "Back then, Ai was 8 or 9", the next panel has her state that "Ai had grown up to be a woman", despite her being still just a child. No one would call someone that age a grown woman. It's seems like she didn't view her daughter as a child at all (and neither did her creep of a boyfriend) and only saw her as some sort of love rival who's an adult like her even when she wasn't. Ai's mom clearly wasn't fit to be a mother at all since a good mother would've broke up with her boyfriend instead. And even in the way she speaks of herself in this chapter, it's as if she wants Aqua (and the readers) to feel sympathetic. Ayumi truly is an awfully selfish woman and unfortunately she had to be Ai's mother.

anon i literally woke up this morning cooking ayumi meta on exactly this topic in my head and then logged on to see this ask....... you and i shall have a spring wedding

That said, you're right on the money. What I loved so much about the writing of this scene is how intensely real Ayumi feels as a toxic mother. I feel like a lot of people were kind of expecting her to be this over the top cackling Mother Gothel type but like I said in my ch 131 initial writeup, the unfortunate reality is that this is how a lot of abusers look. Like normal ass, regular, pathetic people.

In particular, I really love how deep of an understanding we get of Ayumi's messed up, contradictory headspace just over the course of the four pages we spend with her. She recognizes that she did something terrible and hates herself, but she has surrendered to this sort of self-enforced helplessness with regard to her own issues and fucked up behaviours. She knows that she needs to improve but is self-defeating about her ability to do so and the whole thing turns into a self fulfilling prophecy where she refuses to put in the work because she believes she can't change to begin with but BECAUSE she doesn't put in the work, nothing changes, which reinforces her belief that she can't fix anything so she doesn't try and... you see how the snake starts eating its own tail?

At the same time, though, this surrendering to helplessness is a safety net for her as much as it is a mental trap. By framing her behaviour as something she is powerless to resist or to stop, she essentially frees herself of agency in Ai's abuse and neglect. Being violent towards her daughter is not something she frames as an active choice, but as something she would "wind up" doing, as if by accident or compelled by forces completely out of her control. Not only that, but it allows her to rewrite the narrative for herself with regards to her abandonment of Ai – since she is so helpless to stop her abuse of Ai, the daughter she loves so much, she just had no choice but to stay away. But she was totally going to go pick her up someday, definitely! Never fucking mind that Ai was left there for so long that she aged out of the system before Ayumi ever came back.

It's once Aqua challenges this assertion, though, that the cracks start to form. Though even before that, an attentive reader will obviously have some red flags up – after all, if Ayumi loves her daughter as much as she says she did, then why does Ai describe herself as a person who has never been loved by anyone? At age twelve, no less? That is not even REMOTELY close to a thought a well adjusted and cared for kid should be able to express, let alone sincerely think.

There's always been a theme in Oshi no Ko of Ai being pulled in all directions, in trying to be everything that everybody asked her to be, succeeding and being punished for it anyway. In my CH131 thoughts, I coined the phrase 'adultification' to describe the way adult agency and expectations are enforced on children who are too young as a method of abuse, a direct inverse of the way infantilization happens to adults. Part of the impossible expectations enforced on Ai were having these twin opposing forces of adultification and infantalization inflicted on her in a truly maddening way.

Specific to adultification, though, we over and over see other characters inflict adult agency and sexuality on Ai way before the point that any reasonable person would rationally think to do so. When describing her falling in love, Kaburagi says that her face, which had been that of a child, "turned into a woman's" at a time that we know she can only have been fifteen at the oldest.

45510 seconds this, with the narrator describing how this adultification is inflicted on many young girls in the industry;

"At the time, younger age groups were all the rage, but girls in their formative years could undergo rapid changes as they matured. Once they outgrew that youthful phase, they were evaluated the same way as "ordinary" women."

... only to turn around and do the same thing to Ai:

"Right from the beginning, she exuded a maturity beyond her years, and in the end, she retained a fresh-faced, youthful allure."

With all that in mind, it's not at all a shock that this echoes all the way back in time to the starting point of Ayumi's abuse of Ai. It's reprehensible, but it's also unfortunately deeply real – it is heartbreakingly common for victims of CSA to be blamed for their abuse, as if being victimized by adults is something they have any agency in.

In this instance too, Ayumi distances herself from her own agency and culpability in Ai's abuse. Look at how she frames things and the issues that she centers; it isn't her own insecurity, toxicity and violence that ruined things. It was Ai's beauty. Ai growing into a woman. That she can say such a thing without blinking betrays so clearly that for all she insists she loved her daughter, Ai was never really a child to her. And the moment she realized Ai was attracting the attention of a man, Ayumi didn't see her as a child being victimized but as a woman posing a threat, a romantic and sexual rival who needed to be beaten back into line and shown her place. Even her anger at Ai's stepfather is so, so telling – the framing makes it clear that her anger is not that of a woman raging against someone who posed a threat to their child, but as a woman resenting a man who was unfaithful to her.

For all that she cries and self flagellates, Ayumi basically lays it all out in her own words without even meaning to. She doesn't take responsibility for her own actions, nor does she even really frame them as being central to the chain of abuse that destroyed not just her family but robbed Ai of her life. Even through her tears, she pushes Ai to the forefront while framing her abuse as a thing that just "ended up" happening, that she was powerless to stop. When talking to Aqua about how she can't make amends, the word she uses in the Japanese text is actually 贖罪 – Atonement, the same character used as the chapter's title.

But the thing about atonement is that you can't atone for a sin you don't take responsibility for. And Ayumi makes it heartbreakingly clear that for all her regrets and her pain, she has not come close to taking responsibility for the harm she inflicted on her daughter. And even if she did? It's too late. Ai is gone.

It's just as Akane says. There's nothing here anymore.

[alfreds-shitpost]

John seed brain rot

DISCLAIMER, NEVER PLAYED NEW DAWN THIS IS ALL MY FUCKING OPINION ON HIM FROM FARCRY 5

HEADCANONS & THEIR REASONS

Issues and disorders

Bipolar 1

Aspd

Savior complex

Delusional thinking

Sexuality

Unlabeled but queer

I think John Seed suffers from bipolar due to how he treats the deputy as well as his dialoug. He is obsessed with the deputy and unlike others he seems to treat them with ‘care’ and being more tender with the deputy than he is with anyone else. He is seen washing the deputy’s chest and being generally more ‘gentle’ with them over anyone else.

Examples

In the church where he carves nick rye’s ‘sin’ off his chest without prep

Hits and punches other characters that do not listen

I also believe he suffers from delusional thinking, not only due to being groomed into a cult but due to the fact he believes he is a higher power and the chosen one to judge others and aid them. He has what is simply a very extreme religious savior complex

Examples of bipolar

Delusions and mania especially when it comes to getting noticed by the Deputy

Joseph is seemingly one of two of his FP’s because he desires attention from them at all times and seems mood-dependent on them quite a lot.

Is obsessed with the deputy and or has obsessive issues

Mood swings and is extremely complex

Impulsive and risky during mania

Examples of the savior complex

Baptizing others

‘Clenses’ others of sins + indoctrinates others

I also believe him to have aspd since its seen very clearly while he is hurting and extremely emotional he lacks remorse and guilt which is typical of people with aspd. I believe joseph seed manipulated and coerced john into his more aggressive violent behaviors as while john was likely trying to get help joseph used it for his own whims.

John’s cries for help were likely emotional outbursts that those around him labled as dangerous instead of trying to help him they likely demonized him as seen when joseph states that “he was not well liked but was feared” when you complete john’s plotline.

Examples of ASPD within john seed (as someone medically recognized with it)

Violent without seeming remorse for most people

Lack of guilt

Impulsive

Unstable

Only cares for 3 people in total

BACKGROUND

John also seems to be attention-seeking and a perfectionist until its his own downfall as he’s seen worrying over the fact not everyone is perfect, not everyone is what he wants and therefore he must help them change so that they fit into his views. So they do not fall for what he did and he believes ridding them of their sins is making them stronger when in reality he is doing what his parents did to him

John is a case of the abused becoming the abuser and people grooming others in a non-sexual way to become what they need as seen with he and joseph’s interactions

Not even joseph likes his brother john which means he likely never cared that john died in the first place considering joseph is quite biased toward his sister faith.

John is the most hated of the family due to his instability and due to the fact he is not as responsible as joseph or jacob. He is unstable and a wild card, something you don't want especially if you are running a cult

John seed is a victim of abuse and what i believe to be a form of non-sexual grooming, he also likely has tried bliss so he may be victim to drug abuse as well.

QUEER CODING

I think john seed is queer mainly for the fact he acts the same towards the deputy no matter what gender you pick and other characters/NPC’s even joke how john seed wants to ‘get in your pants’ per se in dialogue no matter what gender you had picked in the game.

I also think he is queer coded and likely has some form of internalized homophobia or insecurity around it hence why he acts like he does with the deputy

TL;DR

John seed brainrot has gotten to me

[amateur-art-critic]

Assigned TERF by trans women (or; we should teach people about Occams Razor)

So this is a new development. I got accused of being a TERF for writing this on a post I reblogged:

So I'm a TERF because I think TMA/TME as terms have set back trans solidarity? Because I think TMA and TME just reinvent the gender binary? That's TERF-y to you?

Sure.

But there's more; OP decided to comment as well;

Me when I'm not a TERF

Yes, that is the point of my blog. To hate TERFs. Because I was harassed by TERFs at one point.

and then her pinned is signaling how opposed to radfeminism [she is].

Radfems/gendercrits/TERFs are the same breed and I use the terms synonymously. There's nothing more to it.

bitch your header has a play on the terfs term TIM.

Yes, because I was trying to co-opt their language to piss them off. @/butchbarbieagainstterfs was the one to introduce me to the concept of using FIT, Feminist Identified Transphobe, as an alternative to TERF.

And if anything, it's a play on TIF (trans identified female), because it uses the exact same letters as FIT.

Your entire blog is predicated on transfem exclusionism

No it's fucking not? Never have I excluded transfems and trans women. I focus on transmasc and trans men's issues because they fucking apply to me.

This is the most "i like pancakes"/"so you hate waffles?" argument ever.

you ain't slick

Neither are you.

Then @/june-egbert-official decided to add onto OPs reblogs with an "analysis" of my bio, from the view of me being a TERF;

"Shrödinger's Woman" - Shrödinger's Cat was a thought experiment of being unable to measure something without investing it [...] - in other words they want to be allowed to look at your junk.

Or, maybe, we Occams Razor this: maybe I am both a woman and not a woman. You won't know unless you ask, but everyone always assumes and argues I'm one or the other.

In other words: I'm fucking nonbinary, you dumb fuck. I'm not a woman and I am also not not a woman, because I'm also not a man. And saying I'm "Shrödinger's Woman" is a subtle nod to TERFs assuming I'm either a cis woman, a trans man (who they see as women) or a trans woman (who they see as men, but I don't) when I argue with them.

I don't think I have ever in my life seen a more bad faith argument.

Aforementioned TIF as a play on TERFs TIM shit.

Well, if you knew anything about TERF lore outside them targeting trans women and transfems, you would know that "TIF" is already a term coined by gendercrits for trans men and transmascs.

I recognize that it's probably just a spelling mistake, but I just want to clarify in case it isn't. But, if it is;

But I digress.

Actively calling out where TERFs should go.

Or, and bare with me here, I want TERFs off of Tumblr. That's literally what I say in that sentence in my bio! Can you not read between the lines when I call TERFs an "invasive species" and how they "cause an imbalance to the tumblr ecosystem"?

Tumblr is the only social media left that I feel safe on and I don't want TERFs to poison it for me. So I would rather send them to an echo chamber of equally insane people than to other popular social media.

Just how much bad faith do you have to read my bio with to jump to this conclusion?

Calls themself a female pink and purple toed tarantula (generally considered "feminine colors, for what that's worth) [...]

...I just fucking like purple and pink. And I like spiders.

As for the "female" part, I'm literally just stating the sex I was assigned at birth. I may be female, but that doesn't mean I'm a woman.

Once again; Occams Razor.

[...] and, probably at least a little tangential, they become aggressive against males this time of year.

That's not tangential, it's just straight up wrong. Not the spider facts, but that you think that it's implying I'm aggressive towards males because I have a female spider motif. It's not symbolic of anything other than that I like spiders and that I was assigned female at birth.

To end this, I would just like to ask both @/june-egbert-official and @/0w0tsuki, in the small chance either of you are stalking my blog and reading this; Why did you think I was a TERF? Do you just see all AFABs who disagree with you as gendercrit radfems?

Or was it because I believe that transandrophobia is real you see me as a TERF? Because I can't find any other reason as to why you would call me a TERF other than the fact that I'm nonbinary transmasc and I disagree with trans women.

[niuniente]

Regarding fandoms and comments, I've recently had negative comments that tell me I'm not good and should just quit writing. Well, it worked. I no longer am able to write without it affecting my mental state. People who do the bullying do it to get rid of authors they don't like that doesn't fit their mindset. When does it end? I didn't want it to hurt my mental health and get me to quit, but it did.

People treating each other badly whenever they can never ceases to make me sad.

I try to think the quote "hurt people hurt people" when dealing with negative people. Happy, balanced people, who view others as their equals, have no need to leave negative comments, send hate messages etc. to others just because they can.

Take a little break but don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love! I try to keep this mentality and I always think about how Billy Idol (80's famous singer) just kept pushing forward whenever someone or something said no to him:

When he was a child, he wanted to play a guitar. Parents said "No, you can only play a violin" -> Billy secretly got himself a guitar with 5£ at the age of 9 and learned to play it by himself.

His teenage girlfriend dyed his hair white. Everyone said it looked horrible on him -> Billy kept the white hair and made it his trademark.

He discovered punk and FINALLY managed to put a band together in his late teens. Too bad that London, where he lived, had closed all bars and pubs from punk bands. They weren't legally allowed to play anywhere. -> Billy and a few other guys established their own place for all punk bands, where all where welcome to play.

He went to university to study music. He was bullied and ostracized by other students as he was too weird, too freaky looking and listened to punk instead of jazz -> He was lonely but staid in the school and kept his looks and music taste.

He started to dislike being a band member and wanted to have a solo career. Everyone said you can't make it, you suck, you can't make compose a shit -> Billy decided to start a solo career as Billy Idol anyway.

When he started to get a little footing in the Europe, he decided that he wants to go to USA. It would give him better markets and more chances to succeed. Too bad that Europe's most famous punk band, Sex Pistols, has just epically failed in their attempts to make it in the USA. America hated punk and Billy Idol was nobody compared to Sex Pistols. Everyone called him delusional for having such stupid dreams. -> Billy went to USA anyway

In America, all record labels he went to said the same thing; you will never make it here. You sing punk and we hate it. You sing with British English and we hate it. You look so fucking ugly that no one will come to see you. If you want to succeed here, you need to change your music style for radio friendly stuff, change your accent and change your looks. -> Billy thought that if singing with American accents helps, he does it. Otherwise, fuck you. This is the music he wants to do and this is his style and how he wants to look. -> This decision led him to become super famous. Everyone loved his music and the fucking ugly guy became one of the 80's sex symbols, and his music videos were literally directed to sell with sex to the female audience.

Also, it was told him with dead certainty by many people that your music will never play in radios. EVER. Well, what do you know, his music still plays in the radios, 40 years later :3

So, keep going! Keep writing! There's audience for every single style out there and just because some asshat wasn't impressed, it doesn't mean others wouldn't like your stuff.

I mean, how much emphasis do we want to put into asshats words anyway? Which matters more; some random asshat's feelings or our own joy and inspiration when we do something creative?

[futureplayboibunnie]

‘Exhaustion’

Dr Strange x fem! Avenger! reader

SMUT SMUT SLUT SMUT

im so tired, i’m sorry if its shit pls bare w me.

omg Stephen and you stuck in a cabin forced to get along…God knows what’ll happen.

MDNI leave nooooooow.

'Stephen,' You stifled in warning and surprise, slinging your bag onto the bedroom door, 'why is there only one bed?'

He rushed to see if you were jerking his leg, to see if you were actually telling the truth and not sneaking around like a cat in the dark. He rolled his eyes and groaned as his feet found his place in the doorway of the bedroom, his eyes rolled at the sight infront of him and he let out a low exasperated groan.

'I'm just gonna make a quick call." He whisked away as fast as he came, your heart was littered with goosebumps and a shiver ran a course between your shoulder blades. You heard the richness of his voice as he buzzed against the landline phone.

'Tony, your attempts to make me play house with everyone on the team is all in vain and a waste of time. You're not that idiotic are you?' Stephen winced as the phone was nestled against his ear, his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose in a fit of frustration. His patience was wearing thin at Tony, trying to make him play nicely with everyone on the team just to torture him.

'I'm going to ignore the fact you called me stupid because I'm that generous. This all started with your inability to get along with any of us, so therefore you're reaping what you're sowing thus it is actually not my fault. See the equation?' Tony snorted back at him.

'Here's what I don't understand,' Stephen let out a dry sarcastic laugh, 'for all the others you've made me stay in the safehouse with so we could 'get along' there were two beds. Two. So why is there only one with Y/N?'

Tony huffed a laugh against the phone.

'Uhm, becuase you don't give goo goo eyes to anyone else but her. I have this feeling that she's the one that can fix you for me.’

'Fix me?' Stephen raised an eyebrow but he wasn't denying Tony's goo goo eyes comment.

'Dear God, you need to get laid.' Stephen could hear the humour play on Tony's breath, and it made him annoyed as well as self conscious. Way too self conscious about something he shouldn't even be entertaining or thinking about.

'You took our phones away, what the hell are we supposed to do for a weekend? '

'Sex. Hate-sex. ' Tony stated briefly before hanging up, Stephen heard the death of the line and felt his eye twitch after hanging up the landline.

He was frenzied and stormy, Stephen was fiddling with his fingers which he never usually does probably because he was alone in a cabin with you. He never worked in a team, never due to the pompous demeanour of his ego and his inability to harbour empathy for people he didn't like but you were more than willing to challenge him, play at his final game. The others just moaned and groaned in frustration at him and his ministrations but you playfully insulted him, no holding back, going right for the jugular when he least expected it. He couldn't help his feelings be hurt a little and he didn't like that you had the ability to do that.

And now he was here alone with you, he hadn't really dabbled with the idea of fucking you, he was slightly intimidated if anything but you could see right through him; the flaws that he was too blind to see. Tony lodged that thought into his head now and he couldn't shake it no matter how hard he tried to push it out of his mind.

Stephen went back up the stairs and he found you sitting at the edge of the bed in the bedroom. You were absolved in your own thoughts, quiet in a way he'd never seen and it stunted him. You were chewing at your lip and it piqued his interest. You were rubbing your hands atop of your thighs as if you were...impatient. He cocked his head to the side and psychoanalysed you as he does with everyone else since he had full view of you now.

Pretty. Really pretty. Pretty eyes, magnetic eyes. Lips. Kissable lips.

No. Not now. Not ever.

You were knocked out of your daze when you saw Stephen's frame by the door.

'So what'd the asshat say?' You quipped with a monotonous tone.

'One bed, gave no reason as to why.' He lied and again he feared you saw through him once again. He feared that a sweat was about to break free from his forehead when you squinted your eyes and raised an eyebrow.

You gazed up at Stephen with big doe eyes, your thoughts were running rampant with all of these outcomes. Sleeping on the same bed? No way.

'Ever slept with a real life woman before?' You crossed your arms as you questioned playfully, pondering upon socially forbidden grounds when it comes to a man you don't consider even an acquaintance.

'Yeah, lots. Made them cry in pleasure and die from exhaustion.' His mouth was forming words on their own, he didn't mean to have his voice sound as low as it did but it just happened.

You recoiled an inch until an awkward smile appeared on your face due to the misinterpretation of your question, of course he thinks he's the shit in bed. You secretly didn't expect anything else.

'I meant sleep as in sleep next to a woman.' You clarified. Stephen should be embarrassed but if anything he was feeling confident, he didn't know where this sudden surge came from but he was tapping into it.

He hadn't given in that easily, ever.

'No, no woman has ever interested me enough for me to actually stay the night.’ A massive dumbass smirk encased his face and you wanted to kick it in.

'You sure you even like women at this point Strange? Is it because you constantly lose to women such as myself?' You played your hand at flirting by disgusing it as an insult. It was fun playing this game, it's the most fun you've had with another Avenger and you were feeling your oats.

'You're unbearable.' He shot back at you with creased eyes.

'And your insults are lukewarm at least. It's almost as bad as your Avenging. Come on, what happened to you being the cold and mean big bad of the team?' You teased, mimicking the same facial expressions. You stood up and finally made your long awaited way to him.

On a whim, he immersed himself in that goal. He cqn play at the insulting game.

'I think you're a spoiled daddy's girl who doesn't take no for an answer and expects every man to sleep with her, sorry I mean fuck you because spreading your legs are easier than admitting you have no real asset or skill whatsoever.' Stephen's sly cheshire cat smile and the roaring insult made your breath halt.

Damn, but playing along is easy for you too.

'Misogyny, Doctor? Well, I think you couldn’t tell your face from your ass even if it was plastered in Times Square. " You inched closer, ‘'I think the Sanctity of Life means nothing to you, you only share your gospel of goodness onto other people so you can convince yourself that you own the moral fucking highground and that your moral compass is more intact than any of ours.’' inching closer again, ‘'You've killed people but you try to convince yourself that you're still a Doctor that wants to save people from death well guess what..? You're an Avenger now- casualities happen.’’ You inched for the final time. '’You wave around your doctorate as if it means anything to anyone, if anything I think your doctorate is compensating for something that you lack.'’ Your eyes cast down to where his dick was, you were so close to him your eyes connected like an unbreakable chain. An unbreakable bond.

'Hm.' He smirked as he let out a short exhale from his nose, staring down at you as if you were gratifying him of sorts which confused you.

"Struck a nerve?' You questioned lowly, he wasn't sure if it was rhetorical or not but it made his mind whirr in ways he hadn't stretched out before.

"Teach me then.’

'What?'

'Teach me to be a good Avenger then since you're so good at it.' He responded in an abnormally soft tone and it internally stunned you as well as confused you. He was asking you to teach him, the man that was furiously independent wanted your notes on how to be better.

You jumped at the opportuntity to give it to him.

'Fine.' You swiftly made your way past Stephen, giving him incentive to follow you down the stairs, and like the 'obedient' man he was he traced your steps along with you. He hated the way you hypnotized him, your smart mouth was something admirable as well as annoying.

'I could really hurt you, you know." He sucked at his teeth in prolonged frustration as you both found yourselves in the living room. Swivelling around, your eyes radiated a dangreously playful yet warm and welcoming glow.

He knew a plan was devising in your head, the cat chasing after the mouse.

'You're pretty shit at combat Stephen. Let's not sugar things up and beat around the bush.' You voice was laced in blatant sarcasm; this man was so full of himself in every aspect in life and you decided to make it your own pesonal mission to knock him down a peg or seventy two.

You had noticed his small smirks when he thought you weren't looking and you found it very odd considering he despised every single member on the team, it perked you up a little. Maybe he was bringing out a new side of himself. And it was towards you.

'You wound me.' He pouted in faux mockery, you were stunned by his playful attitude and the fact that he was finally beginning to loosen up, the knots binding his ego were starting to unwind. If you said that to him infront of the others he would have started yelling at you and you would have both butted heads with steamed ears entertaining a screaming match.

Without hesitation, you swung at him with a fist and he instinctively ducked.

'Show me then, show me that you can't get your ass beat by me." You breathed with a smug smile splitting your smug face in half. He hated that you were so pleased with yourself and so ready to prove yourself right, but what he hated the most was how hot you looked doing it.

'Your own stupidity is gonna get your ass beat actually.' He tutted at you like a condescending parent.

He swung a fist at you first this time and you dodged it with ease. You grasped at his outstretched fist and twisted his arm enough that made you travel to the back of him, your front facing his back. He winced in pain and to top it all off you kicked the back of his knee and he dropped to his knees on the floor.

'Fuck.' He groaned softly and under his breath, to say that it caught you off gaurd was an understatement. His voice. So deep and...attractive. Your surroundings went blurry as your eyes unfocused, you grip on him loosened.

He lit up at the feeling and stood up and elbowed you in the face a lot harder than he meant to.

Your pained grunt snapped him back to reality and he felt an overwhelming wash of guilt course through him. Stephen turned to console you and absolve himself of fault. Your hands covered your nose and the skin of it made your groans buzz and muffle.

'Oh shit, I'm sorry I did that way too hard. Let me see, is it bleeding?'

He said softly, his eyes pleading blue. His hands were placed on the sides of your arms

Annoyance haywiring through you, you shook his hands off of you and you started mumbling as you made your way to the bathroom to check if you had broken it or not. Without warning, you felt a latching and a quickfire tug on your waist. Stephen conjured an orange fuzzy Eldreich whip with a quick quirk of his fingers and made it latch onto your waist, he tugged it back a bit and it made you clumsily twirl back into his arms.

In a swift daze, the world went blurry until the only thing you could view was Stephen's stern yet worried face. It took you a while to notice that your hands rested up on his forearms to steady yourself. A surpised exhale exited your mouth, your eyebrows creased and knitted in confusion.

Your heart dropped into your lungs as his hands were placed on your waist, the whip finally dissapating into thin air to whence it came.

'I said let me see.' He clarified with the same stern tone as his same stern face. Stephen lifted his hands to touch tenderly upon your face to inspect your injury. You weren't sure if you were red because of the hit or red because of the heated blush that was readily expectant on your skin.

'It's fine Stephen.' You tried to wriggle your way out of his hold but you were stifling against him, as you felt his stare boring into you…you finally made eye contact with him once more. You blinked up at him dumbly and his hands found hospice on your waist again, your breathing became more shallow and laboured. His eyes flitted to your lips and how the parted for him so readily and you began to melt into him, your body had a mind of its own.

Stephen was done fighting the urge to kiss you to make you shut up. He felt that gravity was collapsing beneath him and the air in the atmosphere felt thicker than before. Every breath, every pupil dialation was palpable by you both. Stephen's gaze darkened and you felt more seen than ever

'You okay?' He whispered.

'No.’

You had more balls than him and made that clear by leaning in first. Your lips shattered against his and no hint of finesse was found in your midst, he mirrored your eagerness and you opened your mouth for him to taste at. And like clockwork, he did. You tasted like cherries, no doubt due to your incessant chewing of gum and he revelled in the sheer sweetness of it all. His tongue discovered a new flavour, you. And it instantly became his favourite. Your hands carded through his hair and tugged slightly making him breathe into your mouth.

You ripped your lips away from Stephens to take a much needed breath. Eyes still screwed shut, your foreheads rested against one another.

'Aren't you supposed to hate everybody?' You let out an exasperated exhale, your warm breath fanning his face.

'Yes.’

Stephen didn't give you enough time to respond, his mouth crashed against your again but this time he bent down to feel up and grab the back of your thighs to hoist you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms slung around him with no time to lose. He smirked into your lips at your forwardness, you were insatiable and it drove him mad. Completely mad. Stephen walked you up the stairs and it felt like time was moving at a snail like pace, you thought he was doing it on purpose just to torture you. You tugged harder on his hair in retaliation.

Stephen kicked open the bedroom door and placed you onto the side of the bed, you were desperate for him to just rip your clothes off already but he was enjoying the slowburn. The delicious slowburn. Being between your legs was a wet dream come true for him, he was so full of pent up frustration annoyance and arousal and he needed an outlet, he needed you as an outlet and so much more it was bordering on pathetic but he couldn't deny his need for you any longer. He was fawning over you now, lips still connected, as you were sitting on the edge and he was standing.

'Stephen, touch me.' You breathed sensually, just begging for him to finally put his hands on you. Your petty arguments all had to inevitably lead up to this moment and your patience was thinner than ever.

'There's so many things I want to do to you. Say you want me and I'm yours.’ He grunted lowly at you, his eyes met yours in an animalistic daze.

'I want you.' You clarified, slightly annoyed that you had to pump up his ego.

'How bad?' Stephen smirked down at you.

'Stephen.’ You cautioned and warned in a cold gaze, of course he wanted to drag this out and inflate his arrogance even more in the process.

'Show me how bad.' He ignored your warning.

Your lips thinned into hard line. Without thinking, you aggressively undid his belt and unzipped his pants. Stephen let out a low gasp at your actions, he couldn't believe all of this was unfolding infront of his eyes. Your eyes flitted from his crotch to his face and you knew what you wanted to do next.

You couldn't control the ferocity of your fuck me eyes. You stuffed your hand into his pants and boxers.

'Woah..Easy, easy.' He whistled as he tried to tame you but he was the one who asked for this.

'You can take it.' You gritted.

You pulled his cock out of its confines and you were irritated at the fact he was...um...huge. Secretly, you dreamed it was but now he had the means to actually be full of himself. Your slender hand wrapped around him and slid up and down with ease due to the spit you slicked him up with, each quirk of your hand sent a jolt through him. You continued to edge him with just your hand before you finally put your mouth on him. Stephen's hand grasped at the roots of your flowing hair.

'Fuckkkk.' He groaned and slung back his head in pleasure.

Your mouth was so wet and warm and your saliva was just dripping out of you and onto him. It was sensational. He was so big that you had to wrap your hand around what couldn't fit. He obviously perked up at that. You suckled on his tip and your lips were becoming raw, red and swollen. Stephen could hear you gagging and choking on him and he almost felt bad. He could feel himself about to hit his peak and cum in your mouth, he wanted to wait to cum inside of you and feel at you but he physically couldn't do it. He released himself in your mouth was a gutteral rumbling groan.

He pulled you off of him and used his right hand to pinch and cradle your face upwards to stare him right in the eye. Stephens eyes were the bluest of blue but now they were black with lust, it made you spiral. He paused.

'Swallow.' He ordered softly and the wetness collecting inside of your panties was becoming increasingly prominent, your thighs rubbed together impatiently.

Your eyes didn't dare blink as you swallowed ever so obediently and stuck out your tongue to show the evidence. He completely lost it at that. Stephen reached back and pulled off his plain tee and pushed you down onto the bed harshly and all you could do was blink up at him like a surprised idiot His hands ripped off your shirt with ease and you gasped at the filthiness of it all. Your tits were exposed to the cool air.

'No bra?' He remarked like a horny teenager as he discarded the reminents of your top. Stephen pawed at the tender flesh and twisted your nipples and it made you whine into him.

'Shut up.' You kissed him to make him stop talking, you caught his lower lip with your teeth and bit down on it as punishment, he winced in pain and you smiled like a maniac.

His hands went doen to your waist to strip you of your leggings and they came off as quick as ever due to the sheer need of his to get you naked. Your body was magnificent, a temple and he wanted to worship it every day not just for tonight. Your underwear was barely visible and he bit his lip at the sight of your unclothed long legs and clear torso, he thought he was akin to that of a child at Christmas. He ripped down your underwear and the elastic burned against you.

Stephen felt his pants tighten at the mere sight of you. Your hair was strewn delicately over the pillows and your eyebrows were knitted in tense pleasure, your eyes were glowing with desperation and frustration and it was the sweetest of views. Stephen finally kicked his pants and boxers on and his skin was in contact with yours once again. He was obsessed with the feeling.

'You look good like this.' He complimented lowly and it made you blush surprisingly.

'I want to make you feel good Stephen.' You confessed breathlessly and dear God that shit eating grin was going to be the death of you.

You moaned at just the weight of him of being ontop of you. His body was carved to such a perfect degree you where visibly mad at it, everything about this asshole was so damn attractive- even his assholery was hot. Your arms scratched at his rippling back like a carnivore, you nails dug into him and he hissed into your mouth. Your lips were so damn soft and inviting, it was like he was sewn onto them.

Stephen guided his cock through your folds and you felt your back arch into him and your skin instantly felt hotter. Without warning he rammed himself into you and didn't give you the time of day to adjust, he just needed to hammer his cock into you until all you knew and could understand was him. Your walls were beginning to clamp down on him at a faster rate than socially acceptable, any other day you would've felt embarrassed but tonight you were brainwashed with desperation- too needy to even care. Your mouth was agape in pleasure.

You felt so wet and amazing, so slippery and it was all for him. He didn't think he would've ever got you in such a situation; finally biting the bullet and fucking you instead of arguing. The scene was all so filthy. Your eyelashes fluttered as you began to screw them shut but Stephen stopped you. His hand pinched and cradled your cheeks as he continuously rutted in and out of vou at a brutal yet delicious pace.

'No, let me see those eyes.' He growled at you and as obedient as ever, you obeyed. Your eyes were connected in firey carnal passion, it all felt like something out of a dream.

'Fuck Stephen! I think I'm gonna cum.' You cried at him as your fingers intertwined with his hair and tugged harder as if that made your point get across more.

He thought that was music to his ears.

'I can't get enough of you, you're so good...feel...you feel so good." He finally spat out inbetween prolonged breaths.

Stephen bit down at your neck and that sent you spiralling into another dimension, the scream that ripped out of you was other worldly and that set him off too. All you saw was white spots as delicious pleasure and pain warped through you and as if it was fate, Stephen came alongside you too. It was all so vulgar.

He breathed into your mouth and left a quick, swift, chaste kiss on your swollen lips before ultimately rolling off and laying beside you. Mouths suddenly dry but the excessive panting. A small smug smile began to form on your face and Stephen could literally hear it.

'I think you broke me.' He quipped and you turned to face him, he tried to conceal his smirk but he failed miserably.

'You liked it.' You raised a knowing eyebrow and he hated that you saw right throuh him again.

'I'm supposed to hate you, aren't I?' Stephen's eyes bore into yours and you instincitvely raised your hand to play with his salt and pepper hair and he melted into your touch once more.

‘Well, you proved that wrong, haven't you?' You rubbed salt into the wound playfully. You finally rested your entire weight on him by slinging your leg around him and resting your head at the base of his neck. He wrapped an arm around you and you felt so safe in his arms.

'Well who am I to deny someone who looks even hotter with their eyes rolling to the back of their head.' He laughed into your hair

"Thank God you didn’t make me die of exhaustion then.’’

—————

dear god i got so lazy at the end 😭😭