#neurodivergent composers

[sjwallin]

New Tunes for Your Holiday/Winter Playlist!

Check out this eclectic list of original holiday tunes; there's something for everyone! Enjoy! 🎄

Each of these tracks can also be found on other streaming platforms (even SoundCloud and Bandcamp for my self-produced songs); visit this page for more info.

[chessalbaneze]

Late night sketch of Mozart from memory, because I love him. One would think I’d draw him more, as obsessed with him as I am. I used his own painted reference of the deformity in his left ear. Apparently he also had a little earring? It’s cute.

Mozart knew he was not particularly attractive so he made up for this by taking fastidious care of his appearance, being funny, and often placing his talent on display before himself.

[minuetandt3some]

On Beethoven's ((in)famous) raptus:

«As a child he often experienced such episodes or rather the people around him did. In these states he became oblivious to his surroundings, lost in his thoughts and feelings.

Childhood friend Cäcilie Fischer, the daughter of the landlord, where the Beethovens resided in Bonn, recalled one of these situations. The girl was talking to Ludwig, who seemed to be absent, not even hearing her. Then, finally he came to and said “I was just occupied with such a lovely, deep thought, I couldn’t bear to be disturbed.” It was so regular that Helene von Breuning, head of a friendly family and a substitute mother to Ludwig, gave a name to these episodes: raptus. She would say “He has his raptus again today.”

Further evidence of these episodes being commonplace and well known to his friends is a letter he, many years later, wrote to his friend Wegeler. In this he sends greetings to Helene and says, “Tell her, that I still now and then have a raptus.” Again, years later to Bettina Brentano, after she read back the inspired and beautiful letter to Goethe that Beethoven had dictated to her: “Did I say that? Well, then I had a raptus!”

Beethoven’s trance, his raptus, was his safe place somewhat also the representation of his solitude. Alone he was in his rooms, wondering in nature, in his deaf and silent head – and in his raptus. It was the same flow that happened when he started playing or improvising. Music flowing from his spirit through his hands, lost in the moment.

To the outside world sometimes it was scary. He often was a guest at wealthy or noble families, where servants were terrified by the crazy man, who stayed in his guest room for days without leaving, eating or emptying his chamber pot. In other times he would stroll around a castle for hours, even in rain, crooning and conducting in the air until he finally found the perfect note or melody.»

Source

[wanderingmind867]

I meant to make more posts, but my stomach was acting up. So i didn't really have much time to think about and write any posts. Now that stomach seems a bit more settled, maybe i'll try to write some more posts. Because there's definitely stuff i can post about, if i can only manage to compose my thoughts long enough to write the posts. So i guess we'll see if I can manage to compose my thoughts for long enough to write my posts...

[tinynoam]

My Introduction♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.

MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL

I realized I post here quite often. that's why I'm making this intro.

My Name's Noam, but People also call me Noamush (pronounced No-Uhm-oosh). Feel free to use any.

I'm from Israel (and no - harassing me for the place I was born will not solve anything). If you discriminate against people based on their place of birth then please block me. I will not discuss politics or answer questions about my political opinions.

I use She/Her pronouns, Additionally, I am neurodivergent.

Currently, I'm fully immersed in my pursuit of a BA degree in Music, where I'm honing my skills and expanding my artistic horizons.

Tone indicators are encouraged but not necessary.

I mostly post about Books (Spoiler-Free), Music and Nintendo stuff. I also like stimboards and such.

Let's continue making this space a harmonious and uplifting one!

♪♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♪♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♪♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♪♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♪♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♪♫⋆｡♪

[napcomposing]

Milton Babbitt and Lou Harrison being relatable as fuck

I recently had to read two interviews from William Duckworth's Talking Music, in which he interviews a bunch of composers. I just had to share some of the things I wrote while reading.

Firstly, the stuff my therapist will be seeing (as soon as I actually get one, that is):

I was really shocked at how specifically relatable these points were to me. Especially Harrison with the "mindlessness". Babbitt struck me as well, but I imagine that writing solely for oneself isn't something exactly rare to find in composers, especially neurodivergent ones. Harrison actually also touches on that kind of feverish-ness of needing to create:

Lastly, some general observations:

Really good read. I highly recommend this book; it's extremely comprehensive. I'll probably put a few more of these in here as the semester progresses.

[oldnapcomposing]

Hello all. My name is Nalah Aiden Palmer and I’m an African-American composer and violinist. I’m 20 years old and am currently in my 3rd year of undergrad studying music composition.

I have… so many thoughts and feelings about music, as most people do. I need to put them somewhere, so here we are.

Some additional stuff about me that may draw you to this blog is that I’m gender-fluid and aroace, the latter of which playing a pretty large role in my media consumption and creation. I’m a writer and an artist, although, both take a backseat to music. I have ADHD and am semi-actively pursuing an autism diagnosis, but am finally getting to a point in my life where I feel kind of okay. I don’t have a therapist, but I know I need one. This blog will suffice for now, lol.

Well, let’s get into it.

[copperbadge]

I'm getting depressingly good at identifying the formula for Pop Academic Books About ADHD.

Regardless of their philosophy it pretty much goes like this:

1. Emotionally sensitive essay about the struggle of ADHD and the author's personal experience with it as both a person with ADHD and a healthcare professional.

2. Either during or directly following this, a lightly explicated catalogue of symptoms, illustrated by anecdotes from patient case studies. Optional: frequent, heavy use of metaphor to explain ADHD-driven behavior.

3. Several chapters follow, each dedicated to a symptom; these have a mini-formula of their own. They open with a patient case study, discuss the highly relatable aspects of the specific symptom or behavior, then offer some lightweight examples of a treatment for the symptom, usually accompanied by follow up results from the earlier case studies.

4. Somewhere around halfway-to-two-thirds through the book, the author introduces the more in-depth explication of the treatment system (often their own homebrew) they are advocating. These are generally both personally-driven (as opposed to suggested cultural changes, which makes sense given these books' target audience, more on this later) and composed of an elaborate system of either behavior alteration or mental reframing. Whether this system is actually implementable by the average reader varies wildly.

5. A brief optional section on how to make use of ADHD as a tool (usually referring to ADHD or some of its symptoms as a superpower at least once). Sometimes this section restates the importance of using the systems from part 4 to harness that superpower. Frequently, if present, it feels like an afterthought.

6. Summation and list of further resources, often including other books which follow this formula.

I know I'm being a little sarcastic, but realistically there's nothing inherently wrong about the formula, like in itself it's not a red flag. It's just hilariously recognizable once you've noticed it.

It makes sense that these books advocate for the Reader With ADHD undertaking personal responsibility for their treatment, since these are in the tradition of self-help publishing. They're aimed at people who are already interested in doing their own research on their disability and possible ways to handle it. It's not really fair to ask them to be policy manuals, but I do find it interesting that even books which advocate stuff like volunteering (for whatever reason, usually to do with socialization issues and isolation, often DBT-adjacent) never suggest disability activism either generally or with an ADHD-specific bent.

None of these books suggest that perhaps life with ADHD could be made easier with increased accommodations or ease of medication access, and that it might be in a person's best interest to engage in political advocacy surrounding these and other disability-related issues. Or that activism related to ADHD might help to give someone with ADHD a stronger sense of ownership of their unique neurology. Or that if you have ADHD the idea of activism or even medical self-advocacy is crushingly stressful, and ways that stress might be dealt with.

It does make me want to write one of my own. "The Deviant Chaos Guide To Being A Miscreant With ADHD". Includes chapters on how to get an actual accurate assessment, tips for managing a prescription for a controlled substance, medical and psychiatric self-advocacy for people who are conditioned against confrontation, When To Lie About Being Neurodivergent, policy suggestions for ADHD-related legislation, tips for activism while executively dysfunked, and to close the book a biting satire of the pop media idea of self-care. ("Feeling sad? Make yourself a nice pot of chicken soup from scratch and you'll feel better in no time. Stay tuned after this rambling personal essay for the most mediocre chicken soup recipe you've ever seen!" "Have you considered planning and executing an overly elaborate criminal heist as a way to meet people and stay busy?")

Every case study or personal anecdote in the book will have a different name and demographics attached but will also make it obvious that they are all really just me, in the prose equivalent of a cheap wig, writing about my life. "Kelly, age seven, says she struggles to stay organized using the systems neurotypical children might find easy. I had to design my own accounting spreadsheet in order to make sure I always have enough in checking to cover the mortgage, she told me, fidgeting with the pop socket on her smartphone."

I feel a little bad making fun, because these books are often the best resource people can get (in itself concerning). It's like how despite my dislike of AA, I don't dunk on it in public because I don't want to offer people an excuse not to seek help. It feels like punching down to criticize these books, even though it's a swing at an industry that is mainly, it seems, here to profit from me. But one does get tired of skimming the hype for the real content only to find the real content isn't that useful either.

Les (not his real name) was diagnosed at the age of 236. Charming, well-read, and wealthy, he still spent much of his afterlife feeling deeply inadequate about his perceived shortcomings. "Vampire culture doesn't really acknowledge ADHD as a condition," he says. "My sire wouldn't understand, even though he probably has it as well. You should see the number of coffins containing the soil of his homeland that he's left lying forgotten all over Europe." A late diagnosis validated his feelings of difference, but on its own can't help when he hyperfocuses on seducing mortals who cross his path and forgets to get home before sunrise. "I have stock in sunburn gel companies," he jokes.

[crowdsourcedgender]

My zine, 'Label Coining as an Artform', is finally done! Transcript/Image ID underneath (warning: it's long). Printed version in a reblog.

[Image ID: A series of pages in a zine. The text is handwritten, and all figures described are simplified stick figures.

Page 1: ‘LABEL COINING as an ARTFORM in large text. Below is the multicolored MOGAI wheel, with three figures taking pieces of the colors and using them for art: sculpting, cutting a piece of paper, and painting. Below is ‘a MOGAI (& LIOM!) zine by Elliot/Hesper aka @ crowdsourcedgender on tumblr. Under the text are five pride flags: aro-spec, veldian, alterhuman, xenoman, and schooldoodlic.

Page 2: ‘Label Coining’ in large pink text. ‘(in this context) is the act of creating a word (and usually flag) for a certain experience!’. Next to this text is a figure filled in with pink with a speech bubble full of pink shapes, talking to someone using a cane holding out a hand and expressing a question mark. Below reads ‘generally a queer experience, but does often include or incorporate disability, neurodivergence etc.’ A figure asks ‘Why?’ and the text reads ‘I would say these are the ‘core tenets’:’. In a cloud next to this text is a blue and purple pride flag with purple text reading: ‘like this cool prosopagnosia flag I made!’.

The bottom half of the page is split into two columns: ‘Understanding’ and ‘Community’. The first column has a purple arm amputee explaining a purple rectangle to another purple person who is thinking ‘that’s me!!’. Next to them another purple person is explaining the same rectangle to a blank person, who has a purple-filled thought bubble with a white exclamation mark. Underneath the drawing is text surrounded by question marks: ‘Labels help people understand what they are experiencing, and communicate this to others. It’s easier to explain something when it’s already been written down!” The second column has a purple person holding a purple umbrella. They are waving to a purple person in a wheelchair. A purple person is leading another one to the group. Underneath the drawing is text surrounded by connected dots: ‘People can unite under a shared label whether this group is big or small! Whether for practical purposes (like advice) or just for fun, having people like you is nice.

Page 3: ‘And these are just as important as ever! But I’ve noticed what I like to call COINING for the sake of CREATION’. This last phrase is in large, dark and light blue text. Two sun symbols are on either side. Below is the text: ‘Vexillology is very clearly an artform, but label coining has become something more (not to mention that not all new labels have flags!). It’s composed of multiple skills has become more than the sum of its parts. Any art captures an experience, but label coining is much more explicit about it. And not just people’s experience of their identity! Part of the art of label coining is incorporating other concepts too, e.g. Schooldoodlic A gender related to doodling on school work papers and/or your homework. By spirits-gender-coining on Tumblr.’ The text about Schooldoodlic is small and light teal. Next to the text is its flag.

Page 4: ‘Elements of Label Coining’. The text on this page is separated into four green boxes.

‘Naming: Coming up with the actual word can be tricky. Generally, labels with lots of elements get more leeway with length. It’s important to check that a label isn’t already a word as well.’ Next to this text is more rough, dark green text reading ‘Premade suffixes + prefixes help! And latin (for some languages) as it’s possible to intuit meaning!’ Around the text is a few examples: ‘-vesil’ ‘-musica’ ‘an-’ ‘quoi-’

‘Flag making: Also known as vexillology, this is a pretty big deal. It’s also the most fun for me! You develop a really good sense of color from spending so much recoloring the same three stripes.’ Next to the text is 6 versions of the same pride flag, each with slightly different colors, with a 7th final version with a symbol.

‘Symbol making: Most flags don’t have symbols, but they’re good for groups of labels under a certain umbrella, or just if you have a really good idea.’ Next to this is rough, dark green text reading: ‘I drew three semirealistic flowers for a flag and ended up only using one’ with sad face. Under it is a drawing of a daisy, a pink coneflower, and lavender, which is circled.

‘Descriptions/formatting: Explanations can be artistic in their own right, and formatting is fun to mess with: many people have their own style. Make sure it’s accessible: add image IDs and plain text where applicable. There are a lot of good resources online!’ In dark green text is the phrase ‘Accessibility over Aesthetics’ with an image of a key on top and sparkles below.

Underneath the boxes in light green text is ‘Note: in the right context, any of these can be optional!’

Page 5: ‘If it wasn’t clear, I think this is AWESOME’. Awesome is in large text with yellow radiating lines. Underneath is ‘I’m a MOGAI coiner myself (generally) with about 65 coins at time of drawing. Using something I made, I wanted to demonstrate what a label coining might look like!’ Underneath is four versions of the same pride flag as well as a description, with ‘flag!’ ‘stripe meanings (I don’t normally do these)’ ‘symbol’ ‘name’ ‘pre-existing format’ and ‘experience’ labelled. The description reads ‘[Image ID was here] Human non-conforming (HNC). Human non-conforming (HNC, similar to gender non-conforming) is an umbrella label encompassing all identities and subcultures that somehow incorporate nonhuman elements in any way.’

Page 6: ‘The thing I love most about the label coining community is just that- the community! The way coiners and users interact, as well as how coiners can work together, is wonderful. There are 5 large words each with an associated doodle.

‘Requesting’: A figure leaning on forearm crutches has a speech bubble with yellow shapes exploding out of it. Another figure is taking shapes down from the bubble and forming it into a ball.

‘Collecting’: A figure is pulling a yellow cart with a large cloth bag labelled ‘LABELS’. They have stars in their eyes, and are looking at another person who is gesturing to a yellow rectangle.

‘Collaborating’: Two figures, one with orange speech and one with yellow speech and an AAC tablet are discussing, with many shapes and lines intermingling to make a fragmented rectangle.

‘Combining’: A figure in a grey hijab pulls down a lever. They are standing next to a large blender mixing orange and yellow liquids. On either side is bright yellow lightning.

‘Redesiging’: A small star with four radial lines coming out of it becomes more and more complex, indicated by black arrows.

Under the words is the text: ‘I’ve never participated, but there’s this amazing event called: COINFIGHT. Hosted by @ kiruliom on Tumblr. It’s inspired by artfight, and it involves coining labels for other people- but competitive-ish!’ Coinfight is in large, text with a crescent moon with stars at the top right corner, and a star at the bottom left.

Page 7: ‘I don’t think there’s anything like finding a label that finally fits you, or hearing that something you made did that for someone else.’ Under is a figure looking at an orange flower with light lines, then forming elements of the flower into a bubble, then showing an orange rectangle to another figure, with orange tendrils reaching towards them, forming the shape of a heart. Below is the text ‘There are a lot of things like pouring out your heart- or just having fun- while making or collecting label. I coin in the same mind I sketch and color and shade.’ On each side is a pen drawing an orange figure with a red shirt, and a tablet with an orange and red flag. Under this is ‘Label coining is an artform both like and unlike any other, and I’m proud to participate in it. I hope that if you want to, you can join me. And if that’s not your thing- thanks for reading!’ There is a drawing of a figure with dark grey wings holding up two fingers. Next is a ‘<2’ heart and ‘elliot’ as a signature. In smaller text next to these is ‘Thank you to the creators whose work is featured in this zine! Credit on the next page. Remember to keep this wonderful community and artform accessible to all!’

Page 8: ‘Credit’: This section has a pride flag next to each label. ‘Aromantic-spectum, @ theflagarchive on Tumblr. Turian, @ kenochoric on Tumblr. Schooldoodlic, @ spirits-gender-coining on Tumblr. Xenoman, @ ryanyflags on Tumblr. MOGAI symbol, Pride-Flags on DeviantArt. Alterhuman, @ vaestra on Tumblr. (the flag on pg. 4 is Wildflowergender). ‘About making this zine’: ‘I really, really regret handwriting this. Drawing over Helvetica Neue for so long might change my actual handwriting, [more rough:] which looks like this! According to Artstudio Pro, I took 14 hours! I barely planned this before starting, the color wheel theme and the people doodles. /End ID]

[llamagoddessofficial]

In today's age of magic, shapeshifting has never been easier or more frequent. Have you started to notice your partner has some strange quirks? Does your husband, wife, spouse or significant other demonstrate some odd behaviours that you've only started to take real notice of after significant time together? Accidentally getting into a relationship with a nonhuman is more common than you might think. Here's a handy guide on some entities your partner might be, in case you feel you need to approach that topic.

1 - Fae Fae are a very diverse race, ranging wildly in appearance and power, and disguising themselves as humans is an everyday occurrence. You most likely grew up on stories about not giving your name to strangers, in case they are Fae - unknowingly marrying a Fae is shockingly common, the Bureau of Nonhuman Entities (BoNE) estimates that anywhere between 0.5 to 2% of human marriages actually include one or more Fae in disguise. Here are the signs your partner may be Fae.

A 'green thumb', very knowledgeable about highly local plants and fungi

Strong aptitude for poetry and instruments, a very beautiful singing voice. They highly enjoy writing songs for you, composing poems about you, and singing together.

Enjoys singing you to sleep.

Wild animals are completely unafraid of them, and often approach both of you

Loves gold jewellery, but abjectly refuses to wear anything silver.

Sees suspiciously well in the dark

Cannot get drunk - Fae are often immune to human poisons

Acquaintances of yours describe your partner as 'ethereal', 'enchanting', or 'hypnotising'. You may hear comments that your partner seems out of your league.

They place a very heavy emphasis on manners and politeness, and can quickly grow upset when social rules are not followed.

When frustrated, they use swear words you've never heard before

Fae are frequently attracted to neurodivergent humans. If you're neurodivergent the likelihood is even higher.

2 - Deity Again, more common than you might think. Deities both minor and major often find themselves attracted to humans, and stories of these romances are baked into our histories. Your spouse may be the God of anything from a very specific kind of flower, to a certain weather pattern, to (rarely) something very big like knowledge or the ocean itself. They're harder to spot than Fae, often indistinguishable from a normal human thanks to their many years observing people.

The biggest clue is that they don't notice pain, and never seem to get hurt. They'll have invulnerability or high resistance to things such as burning, freezing, drowning, cutting, and blunt force trauma. They might not notice they've put their hand on a hot burner, for example.

Speaks in strangely archaic language, often misunderstanding modern trends and linguistics. Oddly knowledgeable around ancient subjects.

They may randomly smell like blood and/or smoke. This is often a sign they've just received an offering, and the intensity of the smell is stronger with more powerful deities.

They can immediately tell when someone is lying, usually without giving a cause for the knowledge.

The two of you share pet names of a celestial nature, such as "star", "nova", "sun", "moon", "comet".

When upset, they have a highly commanding voice that can shake glass or cause bizarre events to happen (ie; mist indoors, words on a page scrambling, lights changing colour).

Heightened interest in the topic of immortality - particularly your views on it. Frequently asking you 'how you would feel' if you would live forever.

3 - Dragon A very rare (but not impossible) phenomena, most people have no idea that dragons are intelligent and emotionally complex beings that can very convincingly disguise themselves. Living in caves isn't for everyone and loneliness is not just a human feeling.

Very wealthy, but with no clear sign of where the wealth originates from. They may say their money comes from a 'long-term investment'.

Highly passionate lover. Deeply devoted and affectionate, sometimes to the point of it being inappropriate in public. Enjoys big displays of affection and physical intimacy. May need to be told to slow down.

Abandonment issues. This often stems from the highly violent childhood many dragons experience, and the frequent loss of loved ones to dragonslayers. They might be reluctant to be separated too long.

Has a particular item they enjoy hoarding. This could be clothes, trinkets, plushies, shoes, anything at all. You may find that they're very easygoing about you touching their collection, maybe they even actively make you part of the hoard. They may dress you in collected clothes, sort their collected plushies around your bed, or ask you to wear jewellery they've found. But they'll become extremely agitated and aggressive if anyone other than you tries to interact with 'their things'.

Prone to anger, quick-tempered.

Frequently concerned about your health, seems to perceive you as delicate and easily injured.

Please remember that if your partner IS nonhuman, they almost certainly didn't intentionally lie. Human relationships will seem very fast to other entities. Many transform into humans for a fun year out, find themselves head over heels in love, and then can't figure out the right time to tell their human lover the truth. Try not to hold it against them, everyone has their quirks!

[sjwallin]

Hear the 2024 Recording of “Leviathan of the Ancient Deep” (Mvt 1) Now!

You can hear the finished recording of movement 1 from “Leviathan of the Ancient Deep” now on SoundCloud!

I’m already working on finishing the last 2 movements; I’ll post those on SoundCloud as they’re finished, and then I’ll release the whole work together on streaming when the 3-movement recording is complete. 

I am just so excited that I had the opportunity to re-record this massive work with better equipment and better knowledge! It’s already sounding so so good! :)

[mistywitcher]

finished wind and truth about 2 hours ago and I have just finished crying enough to compose some thoughts.

my heart is broken for Dalinar, and watching everyone grieve for him. I kinda felt like it was coming, but I refused to believe it, and when it did happen, I don't think I've sobbed like that over a book since Mistborn era 1.

I take back what I said about Adolin being angry in a different post. I still agree he got to be angry and that was valid, but never seeing Dalinar again and his last interaction with him being so awful absolutely killed me and oh fuck I'm crying while writing this. I'D ONLY JUST MANAGED TO CALM MYSELF.

Kaladin. KALADIN. that hurt too, In a bittersweet way. I fucking bawled at the idea of everyone thinking he's dead, and Szeth burying him. ruined, I won't recover from this for a long time.

I am beyond pleased he got such a wonderful ending and set up for the next arc, cannot wait to see everyone's faces when he fucking shows up as a HERALD!!!

Adolin fucking princeling wonderful human best guy Kholin was probably my favourite part of this book. His stunning relationship to Maya. His whole arc was incredible, his courage, his acceptance and realisation, FORMING THE UNOATHED. What a fucking baller move, so proud of my pretty boy, I didn't think it was possible to love him more but I do.

Shallan was brilliant as well, although she didn't feel like as bigger part as I expected for this ending, I feel like she was set up brilliantly for Arc 2 and I cannot WAIT to see how she escapes Shademar.

Also I could be so so so wrong, but I feel like, maybe, just maybe, she may, perhaps, could be... pregnant???? idk why I get this feeling but I do. only time will tell.

Renarin and Rlain absolutely shone in this book. I loved every second of it. Was so glad to see how much time they both got! As a neurodivergent, gay person, it was a fucking honour to see myself represented so much and so well in Renarin's chapters. beautiful, stunning, can't wait to see what happens next with my fave gay boys.

Poor Jasnah, those last chapters of hers were so rough. I felt so sad for her, and also so taken with how Sanderson wrote her failure, in such a compelling, tragic way. I can't wait to see what she does next.

Szeth, oh my sweet man Szeth. I wasn't that bothered about Szeth before this book but now I would die for him. I LOVED his chapters and flashbacks, I loved his journey, I simply loved him.

GAVINOR!!!! that twist at the end, with him being a grown man now, I look forward to seeing more of him, and honestly I found his child character to be massively entertaining and so so lovely.

there is so much more I could say, but I am so tired, I read for 7 hours straight with no breaks and then cried for 2 hours, and my head hurts.

so in conclusion, I am slightly broken right now, intimidated by the huge wait we all have, grieving for Dalinar, but ultimately, incredibly satisfied with that ending to Arc 1.

Life before Death

Strength before Weakness

JOURNEY BEFORE DESTINATION

[liberifatalis]

I don’t know how long this was in my inbox for, I’m assuming it’s been here for like 3 years so I’m SO sorry anon lol. I’ve been going through writers block for like years at this point and I still struggle with it. 

BUT recently I’ve gotten back intowriting kinda, and since I’ve been writing a Sephiroth fic I thought I’d finally start writing headcanons again. The FF7 writing community outside of in-game ships is dry as fuck right now, especially the headcanon/reader-insert side of fandom, so hopefully you’ll enjoy this if you’re still out there anon! I apologise again TTTT

This is a mix of SFW and NSFW headcanons as it’s been a while since I’ve posted any headcanons, and my view on Sephiroth has sort of changed since the last time I posted headcanons for him, so it might be different to my previous interpretations. But I have included more spicy headcanons, so hopefully you'll enjoy!

I would like to add that while these are my own interpretations of Sephiroth, I have also been influenced by many other interpretations/headcanons of him as well! Most of these aren’t adding anything original at all, and I’d say a lot of blogs on here say about the same kind of thing in regards to him. So if anyone disagrees, that’s okay! This is all interpretation and I’m just mainly having fun.

SFW and non-SFW below All headcanons are of CrisisCore!Sephiroth

DISCLAIMER: long post below, lots of text.

SFW

I know he’s like…technically half alien, and that’s a big reason as to why he’s always felt and kind of behaved differently, but to me, he’s very very neurodivergent coded. I don’t want to use a specific label, but he’s absolutely neurodivergent to me. He’s always felt like an outcast, he stands out, he holds himself differently, he’s aloof, stoic, doesn’t really know how to say things without coming off as intense and kinda intimidating. He barely socialises with anyone other than his friends because he doesn’t really know how to. He never seeks out friendship with anyone, and he became friends with Genesis and Angeal originally because of proximity. I’m not saying the friendship wasn’t genuine, it was and he cared for them, but he’ll never be the first to initiate a friendship or anything like that – the fact that Genesis and Angeal were in SOLDIER, therefore in proximity to Sephiroth, is what sparked the friendship. He would have never been like “hey bro, let’s be buddies”. It was more like, he had to see these people regularly, so he had no choice but to socialise with them, and then he ended up finding out that they weren’t too bad and he enjoyed their company, and friendship and a deeper bond formed after that. 

He struggles to relate to people, but grows very attached to people he can relate to. Whether that’s being an orphan, being an outcast, shared hobbies,  ANYTHING. If he can find anything to relate to someone, something you can share, it sparks his interest (platonically) and will make him feel slightlyyyy more at ease around you and want to get to know you more.

A lot of people headcanon him with anxiety or PTSD, and I completely agree. He’s very neurotic. But I think that’s quite obvious if you consider his past and how he was raised. No one could come out of that completely mentally healthy and sane. He’s prone to insomnia, night terrors, panic attacks, but it’s never shown to anyone but him. In canon, we can see that he’s almost always composed and professional, and he is constantly putting in effort to maintain that demeanor. 

Has no identity outside of SOLDIER/Shinra. Him being neurodivergent also makes him struggle a lot more with this, so he’s kind of internalised being a SOLDIER and it completely defines him. Poor boy is lost.

He likes people (platonically and/or romantically) that can “keep up with him.” Zack, Genesis and Angeal were his only friends, and it makes sense. They can, at least somewhat, keep up with him. He likes a slight challenge (physically and mentally), someone that can keep his brain moving. I think he’d be amused by someone who was a bit hot-headed or blunt, as well.

Very dry sense of humour, as we see in canon. A lot of the time people can’t tell he’s joking unless they’re close with him. 

Very very intelligent and academic. Loves to read. Lil nerd. Will read encyclopedias, dictionaries, thesauruses, history books, articles, textbooks, science books, anything non-fiction. Not only does it calm his brain and his neuroticism, but he is genuinely interested in anything where he can gain knowledge. Knowledge is power, and he needs to feel powerful. He is a fast reader too, able to finish an average 500 page book in under 6 hours.

Only listens to classical music. Literally does not understand anything else. There can’t be any vocals, just instruments. 

Horrible at expressing himself honestly and genuinely, and spontaneously. Everything is carefully thought out and spoken bluntly, as if he’s reading from a textbook. He will literally stand there silently, eyes narrowed in deep thought, for a minute if he needs that time to think of a reply, because he’s not one to fumble over words. If he’s with someone (a friend or partner) who will give him the space and patience to speak openly and awkwardly, it will still take him time to be completely vulnerable. A partner who is open and vulnerable and doesn’t shy away from being a little awkward with their feelings will involuntarily demonstrate vulnerability for him, and give him an opportunity to try it for himself, and he’ll kind of learn from them.

^^^ Adding on to this point, there are so many scenes in my rough drafts of Flood & Flame where Sephiroth and reader are literally standing there staring at each other like this gif, and mulling over what they should say LMAO. A lot of these scenes made the cut, too. Just two neurodivergent folk falling in love, nothing else to see here!

Takes ages for him to get comfortable with someone and trust them. The process is easier if, as mentioned before, he can relate to you in any way, if you’re open with him first, or if you’re in proximity. Eg, if you work in Shinra or SOLDIER, you mention your mum died, you say you like swords, you mention you like combat, etc etc. It can be something so small, but because he’s neurodivergent and has felt alone his whole life, he’ll latch on to it and that will be the starting point of the friendship/relationship developing. He needs an opportunity to get  closer to you, or else it will be difficult and near impossible.

He needs to feel in control or else he’ll spiral. I don’t mean in a toxic way, as in “you’re my friend/partner so you can never look at anyone and can’t have friends and blah blah blah”, I mean it as in he needs to constantly upkeep his professional demeanour and look like he has his shit together, even if he hasn’t slept for two days and has barely eaten and has been having panic attacks. He will slip, sometimes, maybe being a bit more snarky or moody than usual, or saying/revealing something he didn’t mean to, but ultimately he has control over every facet of his being. This makes him a very intentional person, too. He means everything he says, and sticks to his word. 

He loves routine, it keeps him grounded. But this means that he dislikes change and has a hard time dealing with it. It can be as little as Shinra changing the ingredients to his shampoo and conditioner, or to what happened to Genesis and Angeal in Crisis Core – change on any scale is overwhelming to Sephiroth.

Definitely not a love at first sight kind of guy. Even if you’re like, strikingly beautiful, everyone just is when he first meets them. You’re just a person (and this isn’t in a condescending way lol) like everyone else. He could only develop romantic feelings and love for someone after getting to know them. Then he starts to see you as beautiful and so much more. It’s really sweet.

If he ever developed feelings for anyone, he wouldn’t even know he was developing feelings for a good chunk of it lol. He’d think he was just fascinated by them. Eventually he’d realise, oh shit, do I…love this person? He’d start catching on once he starts thinking of them more often and seeking out their company, and eventually when he had the impulsive urge to kiss them, he’d realise he was in too deep.

Touch starved and also kind of touch repulsed. He’s a contradiction sometimes, and it confuses him.  He’s more touch starved than he is touch repulsed, but when you haven’t had ANY physical affection all your life, and all you know is war and death and being tested on, you of course are going to go into a bit of a shock if anyone touches you. He’s used to combat, to having his guard up and being skeptical. So if you happen to brush your shoulder accidentally against his, or your hand accidentally touches his, it sends a wave of electricity throughout his entire body, almost burning him on the inside. He wants to reach out, but he stops himself. Unsure why he wants to, why he likes it, and Sephiroth not knowing something means not having the upper hand and not having control, and that makes him disgusted and disappointed in himself. 

Physical affection (platonic, romantic, sexual) will take time. He needs to let his guard down to accept it and embrace it. If he trusts you, it will be easier, but still tedious. Once he gets there, even just by a little bit, you’ll see him start to initiate affection, and then once he is fully comfortable being with you, he is obsessed with it. He is always wanting to be in your presence, just like a cat. Even if you’re not doing anything, just being able to see you and be near you is enough and what he needs; this is partly to do with wanting to know you’re safe and worrying that something is going to happen, that something is going to change and he’ll lose everything. Like I said, he needs to be in control, and if he’s around, he can stop something from going wrong.

He comes to love physical affection, it is so so calming to him and comforting. Loves to hold you and smother you. Loves to smell your hair or the soap you used in the shower, he just loves the presence and feeling of you. Eventually he is very clingy and touchy with physical affection, and it’s one way he shows his complete love and devotion. Is a big fan of cuddling (he never calls it that though) and holding your hands–kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand, lightly caressing and dragging his fingers over all the lines and landscape of your hands. Also really loves resting his forehead against yours.

Due to his upbringing and the way he is, love is all-consuming for him. He loves to the point of obsession and even possibly madness. It takes over him. He would happily let it consume him like a wildfire. He would kill for it. I don’t mean this is an inherently toxic way either, BUT this can become very destructive, and if he happens to be so very unlucky and ends up with a person who doesn’t have good intentions, then it could definitely be a bad thing and end up destructive. Now, in the fanfic/fiction side of things, this is obviously very compelling and fascinating to read, and a love like what I described is quite romantic if it’s in a genuine, passionate and non-toxic way. But I just wanted to add that disclaimer that it can become quite the opposite of romantic and be destructive if it’s not a relationship that is trying to be healthy and trying to grow. I don’t mean it in the way that Sephiroth will become abusive, I just mean that he is obsessive naturally, and that can turn out to be a positive or a negative, depending on the situation. He can be a flame that is burnt out, or a flame that burns others. 

MORE SFW + non-SFW

He’s a virgin. I said this before and I stand by it. Has never kissed anyone, has never been touched–the man hasn’t even been hugged, damn it! 

I do think, realistically, if I wanted to be 100000% accurate, I’d consider him asexual and aromantic, especially after Crisis Core timeline, and if you wanted to see him as some narcissistic, entitled, eldritch-horror sort of villain, which he very much is tbh. BUT he is half-human (to me), and I don’t think it’s far-fetched at all to believe he has urges like everyone else. So, for me, I see it the same way as I do with how he’d fall in love with someone. I don’t think he could ever be sexually/physically attracted to someone unless he was close with them and trusted them. Once he develops feelings for you, then he’d start to immediately be sexually attracted to you. Before all that, you were just another person, you just are–your body is a body, it is functioning, it just is. But then, when he has feelings for you (and as I mentioned before, he doesn’t even understand until much later that he has feelings for you), suddenly your body…it takes his breath away. Your shoulders. Your chest. Your everything; it paralyses him, almost. You are a walking goddess/god to him, so beautiful and bright he is transfixed and can’t look anywhere but at you. Your face looks like it was sculpted by an artist that was gifted with magic from the Cetra. A rare beauty, one that he cannot put into words as it is a beauty so special and intricate that no human words can do any justice. When you look up at him, smile at him, he loses sense of time and place, nothing else exists outside of the small moment you are sharing, and he only sees you. The man is a poet at heart.

Since he is a virgin, and is so damn enthralled by you, he doesn’t really know how to act lol. He looks confident and like he’s in control, but he’s not, especially the first time you do anything. The first time you kiss, you’ll have to lean in first, or give him a sign you’re wanting him to kiss you. Honestly, you’ll probably have to tell him it’s okay to kiss you. It’s just a soft, chaste kiss at first. He’s never done this, remember. But like everything, he’s highly skilled and intelligent, and kissing is natural, so once he’s confident again it doesn’t take him long to get the hang of things. 

He has many kinds of kisses. Soft ones that last long without breaking away, reminders that he’s there and he isn’t going anywhere. Other kisses that are quick, multiple long pecks, that are to tell you you’re beautiful and he’s thinking of you and he’s grateful. Then there are the passionate ones, the ones where he throws in every desire and intense feeling he can’t ever comprehend or describe, where he’s losing himself in you–kissing you as if it’s all he knows, changing the rhythm and speed because he’s in the moment. It’s as if he can’t get any closer to you/can’t get enough. Sephiroth’s passionate kisses are exactly how he is–intense, skillful, intentional, and overwhelming. He kisses with the same skill and intent he uses to wield Masamune. 

Sexually repressed boy. Sex is extremely vulnerable, and he doesn’t understand or know how to express his sexuality. At first he’s afraid he’s going to hurt you. 

The first time he has sex, he is in awe and is so curious. He focuses more on you, ignoring himself, wanting to know every contour of your body. His hands are all over, eyes focused on you, trying to gauge every reaction so he can store it in his memory. He always cares more about your pleasure than his own, and he is genuinely turned on when you are. He is slow and gentle, taking his time, and he needs your instructions to figure out what to do. 

Once he is familiar with your body, and his own, he’s literally insatiable. He needs you, every day. And since he’s SOLDIER and not completely human, the man has stamina. Jesus christ. He could go for multiple rounds and he’s good to go even after he came. He knows he’s built differently though, like a fucking tank, and unless you’re into overstimulation, he’s perfectly happy with whatever you want. 

I think a relationship with Sephiroth, that eventually includes sex, will include a lot of exploration for you both. But especially with Sephiroth. He’s never been this vulnerable and open before, never really understood his sexuality and urges and was kind of disgusted in them. But I think he’d discover a lot about himself, and it surprises him just how much desire he really has.

Sex with Sephiroth is not just fucking. It can’t be. He couldn’t have sex with someone he didn’t trust and have strong feelings for. Sex is an act of love, an act of devotion and adoration, an opportunity to tell you without words just how much he’d do for you and how deeply he loves you. Just like when he kisses you, it’s like he can’t get close enough, and even though you’re pressed against each other he still needs to be closer. 

He really loves the feeling of your bare chest against his. It almost makes him primal. 

I think he’d be really into edging, and he’d have a praise kink. He’d want to be worshiped but would also be worshiping you. It would be two people literally feeding each other’s egos lmao. I also think, considering how much control and power he does truly have, he’d also be happy to relinquish it from time to time, and enjoy a partner who’s a bit domineering and bossy, and one that takes control. So if you want to push him down on the bed, ravish him and boss him around, and ride him till the sun sets, he’ll be more than delighted. 

Loves giving head. Yes, everyone likes receiving it, but when he gives head, it’s like he’ll never be able to do it again. He goes down on you as if it’s his last day on the planet. Absolutely devours you like Shinra has ordered him to. His tongue and jaw never get tired, by the way. 

Not very loud but he does get more vocal the more you have sex. Grunts a lot and has a very deep, guttural moan. 

He’s very attuned to the senses. Sound, smell, and touch turn him on so much, and have a significant effect on him. The sound of your voice can send him into a frenzied state, and even if it’s the middle of the day and he happens to smell your perfume or scent on his sheets or his clothes, he starts to go crazy. 

More often than not he has to tie up his hair every time you have sex or he goes down on you. It always gets in the way, and you do NOT want to find a long strand of his hair in between anywhere. 

I can’t decide on whether he has super sperm due to Jenova’s genes or if he’s infertile. Like it’s either one or the other to me and I feel like both make sense, but still can’t quite decide on one. He’d either be the type to have sperm so strong that even birth control couldn’t stop them, or he’d be infertile and no scientific method whatsoever could help. Who knows honestly.

[danielaeditsthings]

Put a finger down if you worked with a composer friend for several months to create a Bridgerton-inspired cover of "That Way." Then you hired musicians to play it for you. Then you spent another month doing research, asked several friends to help you translate, designed some 3D audio, and hired your colorist friend so your neurodivergent brain could "feel" the character's emotions more... And you did this all for an edit. Because you are insane and can't ever make anything simple..... Oh just me..... Damn.

This edit was created before S3 PT2. So it is Polin's story up until S3 PT1.

[stemclann]

Hi! i’m going around asking different clangens for different clangen reccs bc I’ve been interested in reading more! Do you have any reccs?

Oh I DO !!!

A lot of the blogs I follow feature heavily stylised characters and colorful pages, wich I love. For some of them I'm not even quite caught-up but I just love seing their art coming across my dash because I love making my tumblr feed an inspiring place (don't we all) Also, I'm fairly new to the Clangen side of the WC community tbh, so some blogs featured here might be already pretty well known in the community.. But who doesn't love a nice shoutout <3 🥰 For some of these blogs I don't know wich pronouns their user might want to be used, so I'll refer to them as they/them.

☁️ First off, the blog that litteraly inspired me to start my own : https://www.tumblr.com/vaporclan @vaporclan // I just LOVE their character designs and expressions. plus the intrigue is REALLY GOOD. They also have a side-blog wich is very promising : 🐅 https://www.tumblr.com/tigeroftheskies

💧 Second one that I came across : https://www.tumblr.com/moons-of-dewclan @moons-of-dewclan // BEAUTIFUL artstyle. The composition of each page is gorgeous and the ambiance is always on point. Can't wait to read more about their traumatized cats.

🪴 @gray-thistleclan // I realize from the amount of notes that their art is already pretty well received in the community, but I LOVE the character designs featured on this blog, plus the intrigue is really unique and fairly new in the WC community (depending on if you were here when we all thought Bramblestar was gonna get rabies lol) But yeah, gorgeous art with very intense moments of drama!! Can't wait to read more!!!

🪩 splinterclan.tumblr.com @splinterclan // Artstyle is *chef kiss*, immaculate, very modern, I love the way they portray their character interactions it's always very believable.

🍄 https://www.tumblr.com/sporeclan @sporeclan // First of all how great is this Clan name --- Second, I found this blog throught the official Clangen blog, and fell in love with the way the artist composes her pages, it's beautifully done. Her colour palettes are also very pretty, and tho I'm not perfectly caught up with the intrigue I admit that I followed her when I saw the family tree she composed for her allegiances. Very efficient, beautiful, and the expressions are very cute.

🪷 @lotusclans-luck // This blog is kinda on hold right now but their artstyle is just a joy to watch, very delicious, I would eat it for breakfast everyday. Very 2D animation style, I can't wait to see more of their art in the future if they update it !

🐌 @snailstep-and-her-clan // The story here is really interesting, I love the main character, Snailstep, and her developement. Also, the character designs (I feel like I'm saying it about every blog ahahah) and colour palettes of this blog are so cute, unique, and original. I love when artists have fun with their palettes,, ugh...

🌿 @juniper-clan // This artist has been posting about his clan for almost a year now, and I LOVE how it evolved. It's very refined, the setting is unique and their characters have a beautiful depth that's a joy to explore. I can't wait to read more about Heronstar, she might be one of the characters I like the most out of all these blog listed. (With Snailstep)

🔊 loudclan-clangen.tumblr.com @loudclan-clangen // Very unique and interesting artstyle, designs are handeled with a lot of care and efficiency, you just can feel that the artist knows her characters on the tip of their fingers. Alos, character interactions / jokes are GOLD omg the writting is so good. I wanna be able to write such good dialogue that naturally (but the neurodivergence is holding me BACK fljgdjgs).

𓀒 fallenclan.tumblr.com @fallenclan // The story is immaculate and I can't wait to read more even tho there's so much lore that I know I won't be able to keep up entirely 🥹 But the artstyle is very efficient here as well and the character designs are very memorable. Once again, character interactions are on point and very natural, it's a pleasure for the eyes.

🦋 @the-blight-of-mothclan // Who doesn't love a good lineless artstyle ?! It's so pretty, and the soft colour palettes pleases my eyes a lot. Beautiful backgrounds also ! It must take so much time to paint those, couldn't be me 😭

And finally :

🎍 @black-buttercup-clangen // HUGE inspiration when it comes to palettes. I don't know how they manage to make their art so textured with such effective and "simple" (NOT derogatory, quite the opposite) details. The artstyle is SO effective and the colour palettes are just beautiful. Go check them all out they all deserve support and love <3 I hope I helped you discover some gem that you will like :D 🤌🏼 🎨 Also, for more discoveries, you should DEFINITELY check out @officialclangen - They often reblog some very interesting and cool blogs, that's how I came across a lot of these.

[napcomposing]

Introduction

Hello, all. My name is Nalah Aiden Palmer and I'm an African-American composer and violinist. I'm 20 years old and am currently in my third year of undergrad studying music composition.

I have... so many thoughts and feelings about music, as most people do. I need to put them somewhere, so here we are.

Some additional stuff about me that may draw you to this blog is that I'm gender-fluid and aroace, the latter of which plays a pretty large role in my media consumption/creation. I'm a writer and an artist, although, both of those take a backseat to music. I have ADHD and am semi-actively pursuing an autism diagnosis, but I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I feel kind of okay. I don't have a therapist, but I do know I need one. This blog will suffice for now, lol.

Well, let's get into it.