#nesta abusing alcohol? yes. Nesta an alcoholic? NO

[ladydeath-vanserra]

it's so crazy I'm being vague posted about with my own screenshots from my own kindle by teenagers who will stan Rhys and be anti Nesta and will still say its different that Tamlin was abusive towards Feyre but not Rhys with Feyre/Nesta. like. babygirl, they're both abusive. both of them. they are doing the same thing of abusing their power. considering I have this girl blocked, I'm guessing someone is possibly doing the leg work for her

[littlemisssatanist]

my acotar unpopular opinions

taking this time to come out as an acotar reader. yes i've read all the books and i've spent way too much time thinking about it. i enjoy the books in the sense that i enjoy hating on many of the characters and loving a few of the others.

be forewarned inner circle fans. you will not like this.

rhysand is not a 'morally grey' character. he's a rapist and a groomer. he sexually assaulted feyre utm, he groomed her (reminder that she was 19 in acotar), and he withheld important medical information from her. 'you'll always have a choice' my ass.

nesta telling feyre about her pregnancy was not a bad thing. why do people act like it is? 'oh she did it to hurt feyre' hurt her by doing what? revealing the lies that her beloved husband had woven? revealing the fact that she'd die giving birth? the fact that rhysand told literally everybody but feyre?

mor is not the champion for women everyone thinks she is. this i will give to sjm it is truly impressive to make a character like women and still be a pick me. i'm not even going to go into her whole weird ass relationship with her dad (i still don't understand why she wouldn't just kill him. 'oh rhys needed the army' rhys is supposed to be the most powerful high lord ever. either admit he's a fucking loser or give me an actual good reason for this) or the fact she's seemingly incapable of doing anything to help the women in the court of nightmares, but everytime she was mentioned, i had to let out a heavy sigh and rub my temples.

on a similar topic. i liked eris. like a lot. out of all the acotar characters sjm has written, eris is by far my favorite.

the inner circle needs to sit the fuck down. they are the most hypocritical bitches i've ever met. they like to think themselves high and mighty. reading them make fun of lucien's band of exiles while their name is literally 'court of dreamers' was the most infuriating thing ever. and then they have the gall to be insulted when called out. don't dish what you can't take.

out of all the inner circle, the only one i don't hate is azriel. this is simply because he is the only one who hasn't opened his big fat mouth and done something bad (except if you maybe count his whole thing with elain). cassian is on my hit list. it's on sight with cassian.

nessian is sjm's worst ship and i will stand by that. lucien/nesta could have been so much. 'nesta would have ripped lucien apart' and cassian was your first choice? not even azriel was considered? like be so for real right now. sjm didn't see the potential of lucien/nesta and i will forever mourn that.

sjm is a terrible writer. i'm not saying this to be mean but she seriously just sucks at it. that being said i admire her ability to still make millions of dollars off her shitty writing. as a woman, i am rooting for her. as a reader, every day i wake up a shoot a prayer to the heavens begging the gods to not let sjm write any more books from the inner circle's pov.

lucien/elain is better than azriel/elain. argue with the wall.

eris/azriel is better than azriel/elain. you can kiss my ass.

NESTA/ERIS IS BETTER THAN RHYSAND/FEYRE. i know this because i have been enlightened.

feyre is a victim to rhysand. that being said, she is also a major bitch. both can be true because these things are not mutually exclusive. i wish she could make friends outside of the ic like nesta did, but i know that's unlikely.

feyre's pregnancy storyline was completely useless and went against her whole character.

acomaf retconned everything about tamlin and feyre's relationship in order to make more money. idc.

tamlin gets a ridiculous amount of hate. rhysand is hypocritical. so tamlin locking feyre in a house because she wants to ride out with him into potential danger is terrible and abusive, but rhysand locking nesta in the house of wind for... *checks notes*... having sex and spending money on alcohol is helping her? what?

[theladyofdeath]

Lady Death's Lover {9}

Lady Death's Lover Masterlist & Summary

19th Century Period AU Nesta x Cassian Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous

A/N: Queue the fireworks...and the drama.

TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse

This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.

Wife,

I am writing to inform you that I am prolonging my absence. I will write again when I know of my return date. It will be a fortnight at minimum. 

Sincerely,

Tomas Mandray

<.>.<.> Cassian <.>.<.>

Three days have passed since the ball and she’s all I’ve been able to think about. 

I feel foolish, utterly enraptured by this woman who can never be mine. Yet, I cannot seem to stay away, which is how I have found myself standing at her front door.

The sun has nearly vanished and the city of Velaris is painted in pink and orange. You would think that such a beautiful display of nature would calm me, but the serenity only has my nerves worsening. 

I knock before I can back out.

The head butler greets me although there’s nothing pleasant in his expression.

“Good evening, my lord,” he says, his voice low with a hint of confusion. “Lord Mandray is still in the north, I’m afraid.”

I try to put on my best disheartened expression. “I see. Is Lady Mandray home? It’s urgent.”

The butler hesitates but ultimately succumbs. “Yes, my lord. Let me show you to the drawing room.”

Hiding my relief, I follow him into the house and down the hall to the drawing room. He leaves me alone to fetch his mistress and I find my way to the floor length windows, staring out at the gardens that Nesta and I got lost in only days ago. Mere minutes pass before I hear her voice.

“That will be all, Alfred, thank you.”

As I turn around, the doors close softly behind her and we are alone. The room falls into silence and we stare at one another expectantly. I’m scared to say a word, afraid that the help is still standing outside the door, waiting to collect their gossip.

“Lord Cassian,” she says, at last.

“Lady Nesta,” I reply, with a nod of my head. “I apologize for the intrusion.”

“It is no intrusion,” she says, her voice louder than usual. I assume she is thinking of the nosey help, too. “Have you news for me to pass along to my husband?”

The word husband surges through me with a spike of jealousy, but I play her game. “Indeed. Shall we sit?”

“Please.” Instead of making our way to separate seats, we meet at the settee, sitting together. When she speaks again, it’s quieter. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I had to see you,” I say, unable to hide it, unable to deny a damn thing, knowing we don’t have much time. “The other night felt…”

“I’m sorry I had to run off,” she whispers.

“Do not apologize,” I counter, longing to reach for her hand but refraining. “You did what you must.”

Nesta’s quiet for a moment, staring at her hands that are clasped together on her lap, on top of her pale blue skirts. When she does speak, she repeats, “Why are you here, Cassian?”

“I’ve already told you—”

“No,” she says, and when she looks at me, her eyes are blurry. There is regret there. Regret, and longing, and an undying sadness. “You are here to suppress me.” 

I blink, not understanding. “Pardon?”

“You are here to make me feel want, jealousy, for something that can never be.” A tear falls down her cheek and she angrily wipes it away. “And that is cruel.”

“I am not trying to be cruel—”

“Then what are you trying to accomplish?” she breathes a laugh that holds no humor. “The other night…” She shakes her head but her eyes remain on mine, dejected and yearning for something that is imaginative. “It was lovely. Our moment in the garden, with you, made me feel alive and for that I am grateful. However, it is good that we were interrupted. If we were to kiss, Cassian, there would be no going back. Not for me. And that is something that I cannot risk.” 

I am speechless. Foolish, too. I had no idea what I was thinking coming here, or what I had hoped to accomplish. I was only thinking of myself and not her. I was thinking of how she had been affecting me, and not how I would affect her by my presence here.

“I’m sorry,” I say, and when a tear slides down her face once more, I reach up to wipe it away.

She does not push me away. Instead, another tear falls at my touch. 

“I will leave you alone,” I say, and I mean it, but I will not go quietly. “I am sorry if I have made you feel any distress, but you have no idea what you have done to me. Since that first day we crossed paths, you have consumed me. Not a waking moment goes by when my thoughts do not drift to you, and I cannot sleep without you infiltrating my dreams. You are, without a doubt, the most intriguing woman I have ever met. You are stunningly witty and intelligent, and your beauty…” She swallows as I speak, hanging onto my every word. “You make me laugh. And you infuriate me at the same time. And I hate that I cannot kiss you, that I cannot hold you in my arms and make you feel as loved and appreciated and wanted as you should feel.” 

“Cassian—”

“I am irrevocably in love with you.” The words pour out of me before I can stop them, and the moment they leave my mouth her silent tears have turned into a downpour. “Even if you will never be able to return that love, I thought you should know that someone loves you as you deserve to be loved. Unconditionally. Without fault. Wholly.”

“We hardly know each other,” she protests, wiping at her eyes. Her words lack strength, as if she’s trying to convince herself just as much as me. 

“I know you well enough to know how I feel,” I promise, “and I know myself well enough to know that I have never felt this way about a woman, nor will I ever feel this way again.” I reach for her hands and she lets me. I cradle them in my own, brush my thumbs over her smooth skin. “Forgive my selfishness. I know my feelings make no difference, but I had to tell you. I had to let you know that you are loved, Nesta, and always will be.”

I wipe her tears away and my confessions turn into silence that she does not respond to. I do not expect her to. She is married. Yet, we sit there unable to keep our hands off of one another. My thumbs brush along her cheeks, her hands grip my wrists. I can feel the warmth of her body. 

I don’t know how much time passes, but I know that we are running out of that precious time. I force myself to stand up from the settee, force myself to look away from her tearful gaze. I force my feet to move, one foot in front of the other, until I reach the door.

I force myself to reach for the handle, but one word stops me.

My name.

“Cassian.”

By the time I turn around, she’s already in front of me, and before I can catch my breath, she’s throwing herself into my arms and her mouth is landing on mine.

For a moment, I’m stunned, lost in this moment that could never be replicated, but then I’m melting into her. My arms wrap around her waist and I draw her against me, as close as she can get, until I feel every inch of her body against mine. Our tongues brush and I am lost in the sweet taste of her. The help outside fades away, as does the fact that we are in her home that she runs alongside her husband. 

The second her lips leave mine, I feel empty. She escapes my embrace and takes two steps back, then three, then she’s so far away that I cannot touch her. We are staring at one another as if something monumental has just happened, something that cannot happen, something that should not have happened, something that changed everything. 

I want her. I want to take her away from here just as much as I want to lay her down on the table, strip her bare, and ravish her. Her eyes fall from mine and land on my heaving chest just before they land on my groin and the blatant display of my passion. 

Her lips are swollen. Her hair is falling from its pins. Her cheeks are rosy.

I have never seen her so beautiful. 

“You must leave,” she says, and although I knew it was coming I still feel like I’ve been blindsided. “We must never speak of this again.”

“Nesta—”

“Please,” she begs, eyes shining. “I am begging you, my lord. Leave.”

I nod, accepting our fate. I know she is going against her wishes, know that she is defying her heart. Nonetheless, I must listen. I have created enough inconveniences already. 

I swallow as I straighten my jacket and run a hand through my hair. “Goodbye, Nesta.”

“Goodbye, Cassian,” she says, and her voice breaks, tearing my heart out of my chest and leaving it irreparable. 

With nothing left to say, I open the door and let myself out. The hallway is empty as I make my way down it and to the front door where I rush past the butler and into the open night air. 

It’s peaceful outside.

But even the famous Velaris starlight cannot make me feel whole again. 

[stargirlfeyre]

If Nesta makes a choice that her stans don’t like then they just blame the IC for it.

Nesta saying yes to seducing Eris because she wanted to piss Cassian off? Nah the IC forced her to do it.

Nesta becoming a Valkyrie with her friends? Nah the IC forced her to become a warrior.

Nesta choosing to not drink at Solstice because she’s healing and figuring out new ways of coping? Nah the IC are forbidding her from ever drinking alcohol.

Nesta choosing to remain jobless and relying on Feysand for money? Nah the IC are the reason why she isn’t working and they’re financially abusing her.

Nesta finally healing and becoming nicer towards the people around her? Nah Rhys brainwashed her and forced her to be with his bestfriend.

Y’all are all about women making their own choices until that woman makes a choice that you don’t like.

[ghosttownheart]

HoW was Redneck Rehab:

If you want to equate the house of wind to rehab then you have to recognize the fact that Cassian was taking advantage of N/esta. If the house of wind in rehab then Cassian is a rehabilitation couselor who had sex with a patient. A rehabilitation counselor being intimate with a patient is sexual misconduct. So no.. saying that the house of wind was rehab does not justify what they did to N/esta

This was a post sent to me a little ago and I have some things to say.

First of all, that is not what a rehabilitation counselor is - the term op is looking for is an addiction/substance abuse couselor.

According to the cleveland clinic and ttuhsc, the role of an addiction counselor is to provide and coordinate services for people with a range of substance use and other behavioral addictions and health problems.

According to hazelden betty ford graduate school, the responsibilities for addiction counselors are as follows:

conduct group and individual therapy - this also means that counselors not only work with the patients but with parole officers, families, law enforcement, courts, etc.

develop individual treatment plans - treatment plans would address each substance use disorder and would be adjusted depending on patient's progress; this is usually done in the conjunction with other medical professionals

perform assessments - this entails gathering information about your patients and engaging with them to determine the severity of the addiction, readiness for change, existence of co-occurring mental health disorders, problem areas that may affect treatment, and other needs and opportunities

work with patients to avoid relapse - counselors need to determine risks for relapse and develop prevention plans. this includes helping patients identify their triggers and often working with families to teach them effective ways to support their loved one cope with addiction

refer patients to other support sources - counselors act as a bridge between the patient and outside resources that will also be vital in recovery; for example, one might refer a patient to an outside drug or alcohol support group, or to clinical care

keep records - documentation is essential to helping addiction counselors and medical professionals, as well as patients and families, to track the progress and treatment; then evaluate, and refine, treatment plans on an ongoing basis

If you've gotten this far then I'm guessing you've realized that Cassian is the furthest thing from an addiction counselor.

He washer trainer, yes, but he did not perform daily assessments on her addiction, did not develop individual treatment plans (other than workouts), did not work with her to avoid relapse, did not refer her to other sources of support (in fact, he was her support source for maintaining physical health), did not keep records, and did not conduct any individual/group therapy sessions.

To say Cassian out of everyone had played a part in Nesta's mental healing is laughable - I love him, but he did not do shit for her when it came to her mental health. And she didn't do shit for him for his clearly deep-seeded resentment towards himself.

The HoW-rehab comparison is not 1:1 - it never was. It literally can't because there were no medical professionals. It was what i call 'The Bootleg, Redneck Version' and 'We have rehab at home'

Without it, Nesta never would've met Emerie or Gwyn, she never would've fought in the Blood Rite, she never would've become a Valkyrie, and she likely would be dead.

And most of the people I read that say the House of Wind was this horrible horrible thing are the same people I see say Rhys can't be mad at Nesta because Feyre forgave her; so I use your own logic against you:

You can't be mad at Feyre, Rhys, etc. because Nesta already forgave them for this a long time ago.

[bookishfeylin]

Feel free to ignore if you're tired of hearing about this, but: your tags about SJM injecting real world morals into her stories and then ignoring them. Suddenly I am entirely clicking with where you are and from what point you're making your commentary. SJM is the one who chose to use modern concepts and buzz words for abuse and PTSD, and she is the one who chose to judge some characters by modern moral concepts but not others. That's what makes it so hard to do the usual analysis of characters, so I just don't. But you, if I understand you, are making your analyses to point out the flaws and holes in HER judgments. To show that SHE made it unbalanced and isn't playing by her own rules.

Yes, this is it exactly. I despise hypocrisy, and Sarah's books are unfortunately the pinnacle of such. The same standards that are used to judge Tamlin and Nesta would also render Feysand and co abusive, but the text (read: Sarah's favoritism) refuses to acknowledge that, doing a disservice to her own themes in the first place.

I also want to apologize in advance for the rant this is going to turn into, because man do I have FEELINGS about this.

Part of the reason the ACOTAR fandom is so toxic is because Mrs. Maas applied real world standards to a fantasy series, creating a conundrum where some characters are allowed to exist in and operate within a fantasy-based morality (like Rhysand, the Inner Circle, and Feyre) whilst others are held up to a stricter, real-world morality and are vehemently critiqued in text for failing to meet the moral standards of our world (Tamlin, Nesta, even Lucien), leaving fans of the latter group of characters to call out the hypocrisy in text for their characters being evaluated by standards that the former aren’t held to whilst fans of the former set of characters happily indulge in such hypocritical writing even while promoting this series as an excellent example of handling of real-world themes like abuse (and yes I did copy and paste this entire paragraph from another post of mine lol).

Some weeks back I saw someone on THAT SIDE of the fandom explain that they hated Tamlin because he abused Feyre (valid!) and pull out a picture of Sarah including the National Domestic Violence Hotline at the end of ACOFAS as evidence that liking him was morally wrong or whatever (I'd reblog the post, but OP is, again, on THAT SIDE of the fandom and sadly has me blocked now :( ).

But that same hotline is the one I've used in my analysis of why RHYSAND is abusive here, here, and here. The same source Sarah includes in these books to make a point about Tamlin being abusive also renders Rhysand abusive. But here's what gets me: The person and others like her who were reblogging that pic of the domestic violence hotline were also whining about people judging Rhysand by real world standards. Yes, I'm serious. For a topic like abuse, one deeply personal to me and many others, Sarah (and her fandom) can't pick and choose what characters to apply real world standards to. Not for something like this.

But we don't even have to use real world standards to call out the hypocrisy in how her characters were written--we can use ACOTAR's own morality as well. Case in point: Nesta's treatment in ACOSF. Locking Nesta up is treated as the right thing to do in ACOSF, but ACOMAF goes OUT OF ITS WAY to show that locking someone up is wrong and is a violation of your personal bodily autonomy, NO MATTER THE REASON. This action is often defended in one of two ways: by stans saying that Nesta was embarrassing Feysand when they needed to be keeping up appearances for the court, or, more commonly, because Nesta was an alcoholic. But neither reply holds water. If Nesta embarrassing Feysand in ACOSF was bad because they needed to keep up appearances as the court rebuilt and prepared for war with the mortal queens and Koschei, then... that justifies Tamlin getting upset with Feyre over the tithe several books earlier. That was his logic for being upset that Feyre gave the water wraith her jewelry, and also his logic for (according to fandom) "stuffing her in dresses"--keeping up appearances for the people and preventing Hybern from finding any weakness to exploit (again, this is according to fandom. In the books, the dresses were chosen by Ianthe but we both know no one pays attention and Tamlin is blamed for everything anyway). So either Tamlin was justified in ACOMAF, or Feysand are wrong. Nesta's alcoholism isn't a good excuse either, because if she were truly an alcoholic, Feysand would've put a healer in the House with her to help her through withdrawal and prevent her from having a seizure and dying, which I'll discuss in more detail in my upcoming post about Nesta. Either way, Feysand's treatment of Nesta was inexcusable by ACOTAR's own rules that say locking people up is bad, and in trying to excuse this some stans accidentally justify Tamlin's behavior in ACOMAF as he had the same excuses.

This also applies to the Inner Circle voting on whether or not to keep Nesta's powers a secret from her--didn't ACOMAF also say that that was bad and controlling on Tamlin's part? Why is Tamlin keeping Feyre's magic a secret abusive and controlling, but the Inner Circle deciding to do the same (even if it failed anyway) is fine?

The hypocrisy that began in ACOMAF in which Tamlin was declared abusive but Rhysand wasn't despite Rhysand... also being abusive spiraled out of control in ACOSF and is ultimately what fractured this fandom, and because of said hypocrisy nothing after ACOTAR 1 is enjoyable for me.

So yes. Beyond ACOTAR 1, I'm forced to evaluate the characters with the real-world morals Sarah decided to randomly include, and in doing so can't help but be faced by this series' own hypocrisy, and I'm hoping my analysis will allow others to see that the hypocrisy ultimately causes it to fold in on itself and destroys its own point.

[itselriel]

i feel as though the Gwyn ordeal within the fandom is giving the same as how some people are anti anything to do with the IC or Feysand (Feyre and/or Rhys) because of an unhealthy alcoholic Nesta’s opinion in the beginning of ACOSF and hear me out, the overt sexualization/self insert these “fans” have with Gwyn is giving the same as people only loving unhealthy Nesta because she is a self insert for all of the hatred they have for the series because in their minds it’s now “canon” these characters are “evil”, as though they don’t understand what morally grey means and same with Elain, she threatens specific people’s self insert with Azriel (or the others she’s associated with) the same way the Nesta stans have hatred for Feysand and Cassian because it threatens their “canon” of what Nesta is

(by over sexualization i mean shoving an traumatic SA survivor into BDSM fan art and completely ignoring how closed of and sheltered she still is by the end of the book because of her trauma and being re traumatized especially when she was in my opinion, anything but sexual in the book and rightfully so. in another way it’s feeling the same as people romanticizing Tamlin when he was physically abusing Fae Feyre to the point it would’ve killed Mortal her, they take a canonically traumatic thing and just rip the page of canon text in half while going “haha no, that’s not it silly” and then handing you essentially a fanfic as “proof” for their “theories”/their canon because that’s what it is- ‘their canon’ not Sarah’s. i just mean they’re taking Gwyn’s trauma away to have a character that wasn’t written into the story to serve their own needs as a reader instead of reading a different series the same way they took Feyre’s trauma away to go “awwww poor baby Tam-Tam” thusly taking the abuse he inflicted on Feyre out of him as a character to romanticize him. i don’t know if this made any sense, or if it was a decent comparison, my apologies. i just don’t feel like things would’ve gotten this bad if it was what is was, a crackship and nothing more because maybe then they would’ve at least- maybe, hopefully, been even a little more respectful of Gwyn having been traumatized. coincidentally, all the characters the hate is over, not including the Archeron sisters, are canonically side characters and i don’t why that pisses people off so much.)

The Archeron sisters and bat boys are the main characters of the series. That is clear and is shown throughout the series.

If anyone wants to comment on this post with their opinions of how people treat Gwyn and how they view fanon Gwyn as canon Gwyn, please feel free. In my opinion, Gwynriels depictions of Gwyn are disturbing. They sexualize her and it’s honestly wrong. After what she has gone through, creating art and coming up with “theories” that involve Gwyn in a sexual way make me completely uncomfortable.

Regarding Nesta, she went through a lot and dealt with her emotions in a very unhealthy way. There is no other way to put it. She was harmful to herself and was going down a very bad path. Had Rhysand and Feyre not stopped her, she would have still been going down a bad path and never would have healed. Nesta has also been very mean and rude throughout the series. That’s just a fact. Was there a reason for it? Yes. But does that reason excuse her actions and the way she acted before she healed? No.

I don’t know what you mean regarding the Azriel and Elain part. People could easily read the books and imagine themselves as Elain if they wanted to. Maybe then they would see all the buildup she has with Azriel throughout four books and a bonus chapter. They just choose not to do that.

Again, if anyone has anything else to add to this please feel free in the commets.

[starlightbooklove]

Let's talk about Nesta Archeron and ACOSF

Pt. 2.

At first, within Nesta's perception of hatred and annoyance and alcoholism, we can understand why she is upset when they stop giving her money and take her to live in the house of the wind, like she is an alcoholic, she is traumatized, it is understood, and in fact it is something that is maintained in the book the idea that not having something to drain her emotions and the pressure of her power, energy and shitty attitude would give way to these to make her and others' lives (more) miserable, it makes sense, and the narration help us to see that in her mind she was controlling her own fires until they took the extinguisher from her, although obviously that is not the case, I repeat it is her perception of the help they're giving to her, because To the surprise of the fandom, Nesta thinks of herself the same way we do, as someone bad, miserable, ungrateful and selfish, she knows it, she hates it and thinks/knows that everyone around her feel that way about her too, and here we have the way for a GREAT story, cause we understand both parts of the story, the ones who want to help her and the one who needs help. Sadly this was done halfway.

But Let me explain why:

Nesta finally accepting love with Cassian is not an arc, but part of it.

Nesta making friends and being cute and ultimately vulnerable with them is not an arc. And don't get me wrong, I love their friendship and I defend it but it should be part of their growth, not all growth.

Nesta saving Feyre is literally the least you can expect from someone who loves you And has the power to help you , I don't take credit away from what she did, but her sister had been doing practically the same thing her whole life, I repeat, I don't take credit away, but that can't be all a character does to redeem themselves, It was a beautiful, deep and intense moment, but it deserved a conversation afterwards, where at least Nesta could say sorry for having been so shitty, her act of love does not erase everything she did, ("Are you demanding an apology?") Yes, one thing ACOTAR does is raise awareness of Tamlin's abuse but never of Elain and Nesta's abuse of Feyre, for years, Elain is Nice and everything but, took place by not doing nothing and she was at least thankfull, but Nesta 😬 I don't even have to mention it.

The biggest thing I feel like she fell short the most was mainly that she never apologized to Feyre And that there was no conversation about trauma and true healing between the sisters, (And it's not just because I like Feyre), and it's super wtf because she accepts that she wasn't good to her, (it was the complete opposite) And yet, she never apologized (She had plenty of reasons to do so, mainly her own life) and something as essential as this in this kind of story escaped the author.

Feyre deserves an apology, she doesn't need it, Nesta does, Forgiveness can be healing for both the one who gives it and the one who receives it, and in a character like her, it is the pinnacle of everything, it would have been what, with fewer sexual scenes and something, more would have closed the story perfectly.

People take it as that we are being unfair to her, or that we are making it about Feyre, when obviously it is going to be made in part about her, (She is the reason why she is still alive), And when it should be something important for Nesta once she decides to change Also, her relationship with her sisters should be the first thing to address in all of this, since it is the source of the family trauma The root of several of Nesta's fundamentally bad attitudes, and it cannot be resolved by snapping your fingers and everyone is already friends.

A detail that I have also noticed is how Nesta's progress is slow, and no, no one should criticize the progress of others, but this works against the book Because we can't see the results of what she 'advanced' we can only see a process not the result, because even what she did for Feyre in the end is part of her process. Realizing that you have to allow yourself to feel even though sometimes it's all pain and all, that's not a result of a redemption arc, it's part of it.

Again I go to Chaol, half of Tower of Dawn is him being a bitter 'old man', who is up to his neck in self-loathing and self-pity at the same time, there comes a moment when he realizes that If he continues like this, he will not be able to fulfill his mission, then that reasoning turns into if he did not find a way to see this differently, I will not do myself any good until this resolution saves him from his wound And at this point the book does not end, in fact it reaches a point where Chaol returns to the physical state that he felt was a prison but sees it in a completely different way, In a healthier way for him and those around him so that he no longer sees everything that gets in his way as an obstacle, and his honor as something so black and white. THERE IS a beggining a hitting of rock bottom and Then a climb up, the detail with Nesta is that we only reached her starting to climb, they did not show a change on her part towards the IC, her sister, her entire environment, That she could completely and truly show us how dedicated she was to her change as a person and that is why the arc is incomplete and even falls apart.

I have said it before and I say it again, it is not a bad book, it just has parts that could easily be used to really develop her change and growth, and for this reason it could have been much better.

As someone who suffers from anxiety and quite a bit of overthinking, seeing a character who put herself down so hard made me feel like what I was experiencing wasn't something small or silly, and this kind of depiction (like Feyre's depiction of depression and self-loathing) cannot be ignored, and I think the biggest distractor of this is the very book that presents it, wich is fricking ironic.

Finally, An 'I love you' is not a 'sorry' telling the person who saved your ass all your life I love you is fine, the moment was beautiful, but just because Feyre forgave her doesn't mean that Nesta asked for forgiveness and in this kind of book with this kind of character, that is supose to be learning to accept the emotions and the damage he can and has done and do something about it, it is a little necessary.

Just a little bit yk

I've already talked about this, but the pregnancy thing obviously plays a role in Nesta, this is her bottom of the shitty life she has built for herself This is the point where even she was shocked at how fucking far she could go with her evil and contempt for everyone she saw what she was made of and how pathetic she was and yk the drill she escapes, reflects, breaks down and puts herself back together, but she never apologizes.

And honestly, I care more about this apology than what she could have done for everything else, because you have no idea how much damage it can do to a pregnant woman to find out about something so serious The way she did it, when she found out about it, she was able to easily start labor there, in fact, when I read it I thought that was what was going to happen, and yes, let's make it clear that the IC not telling her was wrong, and while they are not to blame for Nesta's violent reaction (no one is to blame for anyone's actions, unless they were coerced, which is not the case) But they are partly because of Feyre's reaction, because something I have realized is that Feyre can forgive Nesta practically everything, and I think it didn't hurt her that much (obviously it hurt her but she was worried about what he said so it was in the background) at least not as mucho as it hurt her that she had not found out from the people she trusted the most (We don't know much either because the book is not from her POV, but it is assumed from her subsequent reaction), And while we understand the reasons behind keeping the secret, I'm not defending them, Feyre deserved to know from the beginning, that's clear. I brought up the topic because I know it is something that also causes debate in the fandom, but the point is that even if we don't count what happen before they were turn faes, there's still something that gives space for an apology, Especially because Nesta knows how much she screwed up that time.

If you're going to make a character screw up to that level and then literally make her reach her limit and still not take her to the thing that made her take an entire intervention then It misses the whole point of being a better person or even this kind of book

Sooo... Yk a little hey sorry to cause you a pain of a heart attack with the news that you and your baby might die 😬 (the fact than this would have been Even better that what happen it's Ridiculous).

She apologized to Amren, but not to Feyre like... what the hell?? Why does this make sense??? It has no sense, even if we argue that Rhys would kill her before letting her near his wife, it can easily be dropped because Feyre would have given her sister a pass if she had asked to talk in the first place. Rhys would have watched like a damn eagle (rightly so) and the entire IC would have been on full guard but it could be achieved.

So why on God's name that didn't fucking happen

This pisses me off because it's so much wasted potential.

I'll explain a little more bout how the arc would be much more completed in the next part, hope you're enjoying 🤗

[litnerdwrites]

It's not so much that they wanted to help, as it is how they went about it. The only ones with, arguably, selfless intentions, that genuinely had Nesta's best interests at heart, were her sisters. Even then, the IC's, namely Rhysand's, personal issues with her tainted it just a bit.

There's also the issue of us having little to no clue what Nesta and the IC were doing for the past, like, year? This has more to do with the writing, I think, as it goes against one of the biggest rules in writing, 'show don't tell'.

Putting aside the atrocity that was their intervention, the whole idea of putting her in the HOW, sequestered away from society, with no way to come or go of her own volition, is a very extreme measure. But her condition doesn't imply that such a measure is necessary. Are her coping mechanisms unhealthy at best? Yes. But she hasn't sown any signs of being addicted, or even overly dependant. If she was, there'd be withdrawal symptoms, and going cold turkey, especially with substances like alcohol, is very dangerous. She would've been in no condition to train or work, had that been the case. She also would've needed to be under the care of a healer, or medical professional of some kind. But she wasn't. Again, this could have more to do with the writing, but looking at plot only, it was severely mishandled.

Leaving her to handle it alone, and spiral, for like a year or so feels like an extreme measure to take. However, locking her in the HOW is an even more extreme measure, so I wonder where and when they used... Normal methods?

And even if it was bad enough that she was unfit to be in society, she should've been handled by a medical professional. Or at the very least the councillor that they mentioned having, but Nesta never saw for some reason. Instead, we have one guy who only ever validates the worst things she's ever felt about herself, and the other who finds amusement when asking if the first guy pushed her down the stairs.

By the end of the book, her whole character arch leads to her realising that she needs to earn the love of her sister, mate and father, all of which is incredibly concerning.

The entire thing was poorly thought out at best, and incredibly abusive at worst.

@casualbuttercupblog Nobody (or at least nobody that I've seen) is arguing that they should've let her be for another year, but outcome of that would've been just as bad as the outcome of ACOSF was. In different ways, perhaps, but still just as bad.

I think this covers a few of the broader strokes of my issues with it, but I'm happy to have a bit more of a conversation about it, if you want.

Will never understand the people who clain the Inner Circle should have just let Nesta keep spiraling instead of helping her. Because "it's mean to put her on house arrest." But you know. The first 14 months of leaving her to spiral worked. I'm sure another 14 would've been GREAT for her.

[silverflameataraxia]

Yes, Nesta is meaner than Feyre and Elain.

But Nesta was also physically and emotionally abused when Feyre and Elain were not.

It's amazing how people lack empathy for a child who was abused...because they show signs of abuse.

Trauma from child abuse can result in the child having issues with trust, behavior, communication, and relationships. Victims may be aggressive, violent, and prone to drug and alcohol abuse or suicidal thoughts. They may also deal with anxiety and constant fear.

If I was the only one of my siblings to be abused and told I was worthless, I'd probably be mean to my siblings too.

Nesta is not the oppressor in Feyre's victimhood mentality. Nesta is the victim, as is Feyre.

[theladyofdeath]

Lady Death's Lover {VI}

Lady Death's Lover Masterlist & Summary

19th Century Period AU Nesta x Cassian Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous

A/N: Oh my word...I have had the most difficult time getting this up this week! I'm sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy! Thank you to everyone who reads, comments, likes, and reblogs! x

TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse

This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.

Dear Cassian,

I must admit that I am completely miserable in Adriata. It has rained all week so I cannot go to the ocean, which is the only thing worthwhile to do here. I have also found zero romantic partners which has brought the boredom to a new level of heinousness. I do not think I can stand this place for more than a fortnight. By the Cauldron, I do not think I can stand it for another day. Perhaps I will cut my trip short. 

Do have enough diabolical fun for the both of us in my absence, will you? If I know you are causing chaos, that is enough for me for now.

Your Favorite,

Mor 

P.S. Try not to attempt to philander with any more married women. It’s very ungentleman-like. 

Nesta

My gowns are lovely.

The modiste has truly outdone herself. There are four in total and each matches the other but has its own personality. The fabrics are all deep blues and grays, meant to bring out my eyes. They are the colors I am most comfortable in. In fact, most of my wardrobe consists of blues and grays but no one has complained about it thus far. 

After transferring payment, my gowns are loaded into my carriage. Before making my way back home, I take advantage of the time alone and make my way down the street to my favorite bakery. I’ve never been one for sweets but they make the best macarons in Velaris and I cannot help but buy a box whenever I visit the modiste. 

It is when I’m coming out of this bakery that I see him.

For a moment, I forget how to walk. Every elegant thought vanishes from my mind and I am suddenly all too aware of the giant box of sweets in my hands. 

I pray he doesn’t see me and for a moment I feel I will get away with it, but then he turns from where he walks across the street and halts when he catches my eye. For a moment, we both stand there, staring at one another. 

Then the world around me comes back to life.

The city streets around me resume, full of life. Carriages hurry past and people rush in and out of the shops. The sky above, recently clear and bright, opens up and the softest of rains falls down upon me and my macarons. 

He still stands just across the street, watching me, although his head has since cocked to the side and a grin has begun spreading across his lips. A sudden sense of embarrassment floods me. I must look foolish, standing here in the rain with a box of baked goods while everyone around me starts to run to safety from the turn in weather. 

Oh, gods. 

He’s coming towards me.

“Lady Nesta,” he begins when he’s halfway across the street, “your dress. You should find cover.” 

I find my voice. “Ah, Mr. Nazari. Yes, I, um…yes.” 

I go to turn on my heels but, in true Lord Cassian fashion, he steps in front of me just before I can get far. “A lady should never be caught in the rain.”

“If it were not for you blocking me I would be well on my way to shelter, my lord.” I try not to sound too demeaning, but I cannot help myself. Every now and then that tone just seeps out and there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

He finds this funny, apparently. A chuckle escapes him and he nods. “Apologies. Good day, Lady Nesta.”

Not Lady Mandray.

Lady Nesta.

I somehow like it better coming from him, like it better than the title the rest of the ton refers to me as.

Lord Cassian steps aside and I go to stroll past him, but I stop when he begins to walk behind me. Turning, I lift a brow. 

He stops and rocks back on his heels. “Do not fear, I am not following you. I walked here and now must walk home, which is this direction. That is all.”

“How far do you have to walk?” I ask, the rain picking up. I worry more for the well-being of my macarons than my hair. 

“A little more than a mile, it’s no worry,” he says, shrugging, then continues on his way.

I hesitate, knowing I shouldn’t ask what I’m about to but asking it anyway. 

“Would you care to join me?” I ask, and he freezes, his back to me. “It seems we’re going the same direction and you should not have to walk in the rain. It seems a storm is brewing. You wouldn’t want to catch a cold.” 

Lord Cassian looks up at the dark clouds, the rain falling directly onto his face as he squints. He looks back to me, his face searching mine, but then he asks, “Are you certain? I don’t mind a little rain.”

Thunder rolls and lightning strikes, and I nearly drop my macarons. I swear it’s purely for my benefit when he clears his throat and says, “It would be a pleasure to join you, Lady Nesta.” 

I nod quickly as a downpour begins and hurry to my coach up the street. By the time I throw myself inside, my dress is drenched and my hat is drooping. Lord Cassian is in no better condition as he slides onto the bench across from me, his jacket drenched and his trousers sticking to his thighs. 

My breath catches at the sight of him and I suddenly feel foolish. It should be impossible for a man to look more dashing sopping wet, but he somehow manages to. That ridiculous, shoulder-length hair of his is soaked and dripping into his cravat. I don’t realize I’m staring until I meet his eyes, and suddenly I’m all too aware of every inch of my body and his. My cheeks turn pink and I have to clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking. 

The carriage jolts as it begins its journey and it makes me jump, which makes Lord Cassian grin…although he tries to suppress it. This was a mistake. That’s what I get for trying to be nice. This very thing reminds me why I do not do nice things often. Nice things always come back to bite me in the ass.

. . . . . . . . . 

Cassian

Lady Nesta looks equally stunning and uncomfortable, although her discomfort is not the type of discomfort that causes alarm. No, it’s the type of discomfort that tells me she does not do this often.

I do not know much about this woman but I do know that she’s not exactly…personable. I’ve heard what other women of the ton think about Nesta — Mor brought the gossip to our recent Monday tea time and I have a feeling Rhys put her up to it — and it’s not good. In fact, the ladies of Velaris think Lady Nesta to be brutally honest and permanently bitter. I, however, value honesty and think a certain level of self-hatred and introverted nature can be mistaken for anger or bitterness. 

Not that it should matter.

After my last encounter with Nesta, I vowed never to be around her again. Especially alone. Yet, the second I saw her stepping out of the bakery with a box-full of what seems to be macarons, my feet decided my thoughts should be damned and acted of their own volition. Before I could fully comprehend what I was doing, I was standing in front of her.

Now, I’m alone with her yet again, stuck in a coach as it rattles down the cobblestone. Outside, it’s pouring as it often does in the spring, and all I can think about is how her eyes keep drifting to me. 

I’m trying to also be inconspicuous about where my eyes are wandering, but from the way her pale cheeks are turning pink, I don’t think I’m doing it properly. 

Her light blue dress is clinging to her skin and I can’t ignore how her breasts are even further on display behind the soaked fabric. It doesn’t help that her chest is rising and falling, rapidly, as if she’s had a difficult time catching her breath since entering the confined space that surrounds us.

“You’re having a ball soon,” I say, because I’m not sure what else to say but I know that we can’t keep sitting here in silence, me trying my best to avoid the swells of her breasts, the way I can see her peaked nipples through the wet cotton.

“I am,” she says, voice soft but firm. “Will you be in attendance?” 

I clear my throat. “Yes. Thank you for the invite.”

I neglect to mention that I originally did not plan to attend, that being in the same room as her is too tempting and I’m currently going mad, but my brothers coaxed me into going. 

She gives me a curt nod before taking a deep breath and letting her eyes wander towards the closed window. I swallow, cursing as my eyes take another dive to her chest and back up again. Once the silence becomes too heavy, allowing my thoughts to run rampant and inappropriately wild, I ask, “Do you do this often?”

Nesta’s eyes snap to mine and she blinks. “Do what?”

“Come into town on your own,” I say, and I watch as she swallows and clenches her jaw. “Not even a maid with you? Isn’t that unbecoming?”

Her eyes narrow and if it wasn’t for the quick rise and fall of her chest, the way her skin is flushed, I would think she was offended and not something else entirely. “Are you implying that I do not live my life as a lady should, my lord?” 

“I’m implying that it is simply not safe for you to be traveling alone,” I say, and she watches as I run my hands down my thighs, trying to eliminate my sweaty palms. It does not work. “You never know others’ intentions when they see a woman alone.”

“It is the middle of the day,” she says, meeting my eye once more. “And I have my driver.”

“Still.”

We stare at one another for just a moment, but that moment is filled with so much silent, skin burning tension that I feel the need to loosen my cravat, shrug off my coat, but I don’t. I let it suffocate me, let her gaze strip me bare instead. 

If I slouched in the slightest, my knees would nearly graze hers. Suddenly the space between us seems so short, too short to make any rational decisions. This was a mistake. I should have stayed on my own damn side of the street. I should have walked. 

“Is that what this is, then?” she asks, and I blink.

“Pardon?”

“Do you have poor intentions, my lord?” she asked, clasping her hands on her lap. I swear they’re trembling.

“Need I remind you that you were the one that offered me a ride in your coach?” I ask, then add, “my lady.”

Her lips part, and it’s so slight that one has to be watching them intently to have seen it, which I am.

She shifts on the bench, words seeming to have left her. It’s the silence that makes me say, only because I cannot stand silence and I’ve already seemed to have dug myself into a hole of wickedness, “Perhaps it is you that has poor intentions.” 

Her head leans to the side, which is somehow unladylike and beautifully cunning at the same time, and the smallest of smiles plays on her lips. There’s no joy in this smile, only a cruel seduction that has my trousers holding back my hardening cock. Now it’s my turn to shift, and she notes it, those dark eyes trailing down until they’ve settled on my lap. Her eyes flare before snapping back up to mine.

“I am a lady,” she says, simply. “Ladies do not have poor intentions, only charitable ones. What kind of lady would I be if I were to let a gentleman walk through a downpour?” 

“Indeed,” I say, and I cannot even help how rough my voice suddenly sounds. 

This is ridiculous. I feel like I have never been around a woman before, or like I am once again sixteen and around a woman for the very first time. Furthermore, she’s married. This is highly inappropriate, but I seem to have lost control.

No.

That’s not entirely true.

If I had lost control her dress would be torn to shreds and I’d have her lying beneath me on this bench, worshiping every inch of her body beneath. 

“I am grateful,” I add, and she nods her head politely in response. I stay in control until a wheel hits a dip in the road and our bodies jostle, and we touch.

My knee hits hers and her foot lands on mine as she tries to stop herself from toppling forward. I don’t even realize my hand is on her leg, just above her knee, until we both look down at it.

I don’t move it.

She doesn’t ask me to, nor does she move at all. All that moves is the rapid rising and falling of her chest — a chest that my eyes are in perfect line with. Mustering every ounce of self control that I have, I go to lean back, to settle myself once again on the opposite bench until this torturous ride is over, but I don’t make it far.

Just as I move, Nesta places her hand on top of mine and I freeze. She’s looking at me wildly, searching my eyes for something. I don’t think I’m breathing at all. I have no thoughts in my mind whatsoever. All I can focus on is her intent eyes, her hand on mine, my hand on her skirts, her lips that are parted and begging to be kissed.   

Neither of us says a word.

“Just—“

Whatever she’s about to say evaporates as the coach slows and when it jerks to a stop, reality steps back in.

Nesta snatches her hand from mine as if she’s been burned and I take the hint, pulling myself back just as the door opens and I’m looking at the front door of my townhouse.

Not wanting to keep the poor lad standing in the storm, I take my leave and hurry to my front door, drenching myself further. I don’t look back at Nesta. I have a feeling she doesn’t want me to.

I have a feeling that whatever she was about to say, whatever would have happened if we just kept driving, would have surely led to utter regret.

Before I shut my door behind me, I watch Nesta’s carriage roll away, gone into the storm.

Calling for my butler, I beg for a drink to calm my still pounding heart. 

[bookofmirth]

Hello Lele. Hope you're having a good day. I just wanted to ask what's your opinion on Feyre sending Nesta to the house of wind. I have seen people say that it's the same as Tam tam locking Feyre and while I don't agree with it I would love to know what you think

Yeah that's not the same. Not at all.

I can see why people think this, because sjm did not follow through on the self-destructive behavior that she had set Nesta up with in acofas. If she had, if we had seen Nesta go through withdrawal from alcohol or seen her craving more or dealing with that addiction, then I think it would be much easier for readers to understand that yes, going to the House of Wind was actually necessary for Nesta's sake.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the fact that sjm equated Nesta's use of sex, and alcohol, and music alskdhjaklsjdklajsdkasd Fucking hell, NO. One of these things is not like the other and I cannot deal with the fact that someone let her write Nesta's behavior as if laying on the floor of her room and listening to some albums or dancing in the club was the equivalent of regularly drinking to oblivion. Just fucking no. It's been over a year and I'm still so annoyed that I can't fully articulate my thoughts on this.

With that said - I still don't think that these scenarios are the same because:

Nesta was not communicative. She cut her family off and was cruel when they tried to talk with her. She left them no choice but to force her into that conversation.

Nesta had a choice. She could have changed her behavior for the year or more that she was self-destructing. She should have changed her behavior, but instead Feyre and the IC enabled her. This is something I think the IC got wrong, enabling Nesta for so long.

Ostensibly, Nesta was taken out of one situation and put into another because her behavior was (supposedly) self-destructive. Whether she was actually self-destructive is another question based on what I said above, but the fact remains that Nesta was doing things that could have potentially harmed her.

And then in Feyre's situation:

Being in a romantic relationship puts different expectations on Feyre and Tamlin, than Feyre and Nesta had. Feyre was, for all intents and purposes, the Mom of the Archeron family and had that responsibility for years. Tamlin and Feyre were supposed to be partners, equals.

Feyre was openly communicative with Tamlin and told him what she needed. There was no reason for her to be distrusted or for her needs to be disregarded.

Feyre literally did not have a choice, she was physically locked in that house.

Tamlin locked Feyre in his house because of his own fear - it was not actually for Feyre's own good, it was 100% about Tamlin's need for control.

So yeah, if you look at the two situations, I can see how people might see both as:

I am doing this for your own good

BUT, in Feyre's case that was not true, she has all the High Lord's powers, she defeated Amarantha, she just wanted to be able to protect herself. Being locked in the Spring Court manor was in order to allay Tamlin's fears, not to actually protect Feyre.

Where with Nesta, there was actually potential harm to Nesta if they didn't step in. When they said "we are doing this for your own good", it was actually true in Nesta's case.

Again, if sjm had actually followed fucking through and shown the impact of alcoholism and substance abuse and we had seen the impact of those poor decisions on Nesta's wellbeing, then it would make much, much more sense how those two scenarios are different. Then it would be much easier for readers to understand why an intervention was necessary. I'm still annoyed as hell about how that was handled. But the intention between why Feyre and the IC did what they did, and why Tamlin did what he did, it's night and day. And I don't know how people don't see that, unless they try to argue that Nesta was doing just fine and dandy through the whole series and didn't need any sort of healing or help at all and it was totally fine for her to act the way she was.

[reblogandlikes]

If Nesta is an alcoholic, what the hell is Mor and the rest of the IC? Hardly ever seen without a drink in hand or copious over consumption during their regular time at Rita's or yet another family function.

Yet another action of Nesta blown out of proportion. Yes, she was drinking. More so compared when she never drank much before while human to such an extent. But it was nowhere near an addiction. Would that mean she also has a sex addiction, too? But that activity certainly wasn't stopped. Both, sex, alcohol and music were her means to escape; to dull her pain and becoming self destructive. But I guess she wasn't abusing said things the correct way when she wasn't abusing them like the IC.

Her way is embarrassing. More than fucking in the sky and being a regular at a more prestigious bar/club, apparently 🙄

Happy to announce to everyone that i am no longer acknowledging Nesta’s “alcoholism” since she:

Never went through withdrawal

Was asked to go on missions during “”rehab””

Only tried to go down the stairs to get alcohol like twice in ACOSF

Generally does not show that her drinking habits are significantly worse than the IC’s

No withdrawal ≠ no addiction, sorry!!

[sirendeepity]

[ Chapter 3 ]

[ masterpost ]

A/N: big shout out to @sayosdreams for letting me fuck the system a little and lifting my mood and view of this chapter in the process, kudos <3

W/C: 2.7k

T/W: alcohol abuse, depiction of depression, suicidal thoughts

It was almost mid-morning when Nesta reached her place. Place that was her sister’s, but that was not the point. She’d eaten her scrambled eggs in quiet silence, alone while Cassian showered. The longest shower of his life, probably. Then she had politely refused his offer to drive her back home, making sure she convincingly pointed out that her sister shared a house with her fiancé, Rhysand, who happened to be also Cassian’s other best friend. He quickly understood where she was going with it, saving her the effort of explaining herself further.

Things couldn’t have been more fucked up, could they?

So she’d walked, for thirty minutes, in high heels.

Nesta had contemplated the idea of taking her shoes off halfway through and settled for a solid yes once she was far enough from the city center, walking barefoot for the second half of the way.

She didn’t knock or ring the doorbell, yet the blue-painted wood frame opened before her eyes. A tall man, with black blow-dried hair and eyes a weird shade of blue that seemed a lot like violet looked down at her. Nesta never believed the shade to be natural; there was nothing his daddy’s money couldn’t buy, and he desperately needed something to make him seem like an interesting person, or at least less boring. His gaze narrowed, lingered for a moment more - she held it with equal unpleasantness - and dropped lower, at her hands: one clutching her shoes by the heels and the other digging through her purse, looking for the keys.

“Nesta,” he said, smiling blatantly, “I heard your monologue from the other room. Impressive knowledge of curses, may I say.”

“Law school proved itself to be useful, after all,” she just commented, taking a step. He didn’t move to let her in, choosing instead to stay still as a pillar on the threshold.

She was in no mood for his tantrums, and she let him know that when she shouldered her way inside the villa.

He followed her, of course. He had to. Otherwise where would be the fun?

“You didn’t come home tonight.”

“How could you tell?” She remarked sarcastically.

“Hope you had a lot of fun with Gwyn and Emerie tonight,” he went on, “Feyre was worried sick.”

Nesta’s brain cut short for a moment. Hearing all three names in the same sentence made her blood run cold. She’d told her friend she wasn’t feeling well, that she would have gone home earlier. Home she’d never reached. If the girls had asked anything to Feyre-

“You could have at least pretended to acknowledge her messages, you know”, Rhysand said, bringing her attention back to the now.

“It would have had to ring first,” she said, looking at him for a moment before retrieving her phone. The screen was black and wouldn’t light up, no matter how many times she hit the home button. That explained a lot. Actually, it explained everything.

“It must’ve died out at some point. I get Feyre isn’t home now, so I’ll apologize to her once she’s back.” Nesta said, turning toward the stairs once again.

“Where have you been all night, Nesta?” Rhysand called after her, a not-so-veiled accusation in his tone.

“That would be none of your fucking business, Rhysand.”

She quickened her pace until she got to her room, pressing her back against the door and letting her body slid to the floor. Her brain was already overworking, mixing images and feelings and memories and possibilities. Past, present, and future had no distinction, the lines between them too blurred to be taken into account, when she whispered against the cold hands pressed on her face “Don’t fuck up again, Nesta.”

[ 1 year and a half before ]

It started as a normal knock, turning into a relentless beat after the first five times she didn’t get out of the bathtub to open the door.

“Nesta, we know you’re in there,” the person outside her apartment said. It was a familiar voice, yet she couldn’t quite remember who-

“It’ us, Nesta. Feyre and Elain. Your sisters, remember?”

Ah, that’s why she recalled who the voice belonged to.

“We’re worried about you,” a softer voice - Elain - said, “you’re not answering your phone anymore.”

Where was her phone?

Nesta slowly turned her head to the right, seeing no little black device on the floor tiles. Oh, well, people said technology was bad, anyway.

“Nesta, if you don’t open the door I-” said Feyre.

Nesta couldn’t grasp the rest of the sentence: she’d accidentally hit the bottle balanced on the edge of the tub while trying to lay down, making it fall to the floor. The sound of shattering glass ate up her sister’s words. Nesta didn’t look twice at what was left of it, or its brownish contents now running through the lines between the dirty tiles.

A moment after the front door locked open and steps shuffled on the ground.

“Gods-” said Elain, or Feyre, or both.

Nesta knew what they were so shocked about: leftovers of the past four days’ meals were on every surface available, along with empty bottles of various types of liquors. You name it, she’d drank it. She remembered stacking the first few in the kitchen sink, but it filled quicker than she had expected. The bathtub was bigger, but she needed it for her therapeutic water-free baths, so the floor itself became the best option.

She heard them moving around, clicking empty-and-not bottles, ruffling papers and boxes, and opening trash cans already full. Nesta only tugged the shower curtain close and shut her eyes. She rested her head against the wall: it was so very cold - as it should be mid-November with no heating turned on - and she felt like she could spontaneously combust, catching fire at any moment. Nesta hoped she really could.

Burn.

The steps became rushed as her sisters started to call her name, concern lacing every letter. The bathroom door flew open, the handle bouncing once against the wall as Feyre cleared the space in little to no time, throwing aside the curtain with so much force Nesta thought she’d ripped it from its rings.

Feyre couldn’t swallow down a full breath when Nesta met her eyes: they were wide and a lot like her own. Nothing was missing in them, though. Her sister scanned her face, then dropped her gaze to her wrists, her bare legs. She was looking for something and seemed relieved when she didn’t find it.

“Feyre did you-”, Elain said, stopping on her tracks once she set foot in the bathroom as well. She muttered something like gratitude to the Gods before flanking the younger sister in front of the tub. Nesta looked at her, too, before saying, “Get out.”

“What?”, Feyre asked.

“I said get out,” Nesta repeated herself, trying to sound as mean as she usually was, but since her sisters didn’t make a move, didn’t even flinch at her words, she guessed she didn’t have much venom left to spit.

“No,” Elain said,” you’re the one who’s getting out. Starting from this bathtub.”

She reached out her hand, her arm slicing the space between them. Two towers looking down a dead body. She left her hanging, didn’t meet her midway.

Feyre scoffed, her distress entirely gone, “We’ve spent the last three hours on a plane, rushing here just because-”

“I never asked you to,” Nesta said, turning back to look straight at the nothing in front of her.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me, Nesta.” The younger sister’s anger was turning into a palpable thing as she said, “no one had seen you or heard from you in the past week, they’re going to kick you out from the law firm because you didn’t show up once, this place is a fucking junkyard and you’re half-naked in an empty bathtub.”

Nesta saw her moving with the corner of her eye, heard broken glass creaking under her sister’s weight and the bottles in the sink clinked against each other as she grabbed one of them, ruining the precarious balance they were in. Still, Nesta didn’t move. She wasn’t sure her legs would keep her up, not with the pounding, ever-present headache she’d befriended lately.

Elain’s little voice did nothing to calm Feyre down because she kept going on saying, “Do you know how much of this shit we’ve found in your kitchen? Nine bottles, Nesta. Nine. There are four more here and Gods know how many more we would find in the rest of the apartment.”

“They weren’t full,” was Nesta’s only reply. Only three of them were, the rest were just thirds or quarters, what remained from the past five years of her life.

It happened before she could even realize what it really was, before she could give it a name, before she found herself unable to live through the night without at least two glasses of whatever liquor she felt like having. It was subtle, an ever-present shadow in the corner of the room, the kind of thing you wouldn’t even notice if you weren’t actively looking for it.

Nesta was a fast learner, so she quickly understood how to hide it well in plain sight: the first time she got wasted after Cassian left for one of his mission, she woke up with a terrible headache and called the office to take a sick day; the second time, she made sure to ask for a few more days off after his departure date; the third time she told her family she wasn’t feeling her best and she thought it was better if she stayed at home. During every occasion - it was dinner with friends and family or an evening spent alone in her apartment, even a night bent over papers for work, or just a quick lunch during mid-day break - there was just one certainty: Nesta Archeron with a glass rim between her lips.

“I don’t give a fuck!” Feyre screamed, making Elain flinch. “Look at you, Nesta. This is-” a pause, “When we saw a knife was missing I-” another pause. No, a full stop. A bottle falling, the sound absorbed by the carpet until it rolled on the tiles, then a sob - from which sister, she didn’t know.

Nesta only blinked and pulled her legs tight to her chest, pressing her closed eyes against her bent knees and folding her arms around herself.

Another sob - from which sister, no one knew. They were all crying.

“You can’t live like this,” Elain said, her voice breaking.

“I don’t want to live at all.”

[ 1 year and a half after, again ]

As soon as Nesta attached the phone to the charger and the screen lit up, it buzzed for three minutes straight. She managed to change into more comfortable clothes before the last one of the messages came in with a ding.

Plopping on the bed, she reached for the device and saw that most of the notifications had Feyre’s name on them. Tomas came close second, only by two missed calls. Nesta scrolled through her sister’s texts - mostly were “Where are you?” or “I’m worried” or “Please call me” but using different words every time. She’d talk with her as soon as she was home, Nesta decided. Apologies held no meaning if said through a phone.

She purposefully ignored Tomas’ messages, leaving them for last, and moved on to the next chat. It was the “DNFWTVBTWKYA⚔️⚜️🦄” group chat with Gwyn and Emerie. The full name - Do Not Fuck With The Valkyries Because They Will Kick Your Ass - had remained the same since the day they’d seen the mythological superhero-god film and developed a crush-slash-obsession for yet another side character, Valkyrie, spending the following two days deep researching everything they could about Norse Mythology as a whole. Nesta still remembered Gwyn’s disbelieving tone when she remarked “the audacity people have not to include a Pegasus emoji, like- the disrespect”. She’d had to settle for the unicorn’s one instead.

IQ+ADHD📚💫: Nes, your sister called me. I told her you were staying with us for the night. Please don’t do anything stupid

IQ+ADHD📚💫: Dying is also considered stupid

🌈✨Fruity✨🌈: Don’t listen to her and go do your thing, Tomas deserves everything

Nesta rolled on her back, thinking again about that night and cursing herself in every language she knew. Bringing the phone back to her face, she typed:

Bitch With An Attitude 💥: Sorry, battery died out. R u free this afternoon?

Not even a minute after, Emerie’s reply came in:

🌈✨Fruity✨🌈: I am now

🌈✨Fruity✨🌈: Tea’s hot right?

She just sent back a few laughing emojis before locking the phone again, Tomas’ texts still unread. Nesta needed to clear her head before talking with the girls, which would help her clear her already cleared head before confronting Tomas. Not that there would be much talking between them. She would play it cool until she was back in Hewn City, that was the only sure thing she knew. What she did not know was how things would go from then: would she tell him the truth? That she had cheated on him with her 10-years boyfriend - ex-boyfriend - she hadn’t really moved on from, apparently, and who also could have easily been the love of her life?

Or would she tell him she had cheated with a random guy with no name and no face and no shared past?

Would she tell him she had cheated in the first place?

Maybe she could just call it quit as Emerie had so strongly - and repeatedly - suggested, and blame everything on their incompatibility, the “it would have never worked out in the long run”, or some shit like that.

Her phone buzzed at her side, throwing Nesta back to the present. The number she eyed on the screen notification was not one of her contacts, and she understood why just once she unlocked the phone and read the message.

It was Cassian’s.

Nesta opened the profile picture, recognizing the shot: she’d snapped it during their trip to the zoo, while he was busy with an ostrich, too afraid of the “weird thing he was doing with his head” to break eye contact first. “It doesn’t matter if I’m wearing sunglasses, Nes. He’s staring right at my soul, he can see it, I know. What if our buddy here is a female and now is mad because I used the wrong pronouns? Special Forces soldier murdered by assassin ostrich at the zoo,” he had added right after she’d made fun of him. Nesta had laughed so much her face hurt by the end of the day. Just a few weeks after Cassian was gone again, called back to the front line, and she was left with nothing but memories.

She hit the exit button and finally read the message: it was a photo of her keys, with “forgot something?” written underneath.

Nesta cursed the universe and Cassian with it.

“If you hate me so much you could say it to my fucking face,” she said to no one but everything was listening to her at the same time.

* * *

Nesta was seated at the same place in the same corner of the same bar when Gwyn came in. She rushed to her, kissing her fondly on the cheek, and took her seat at the other end of the little squared table.

“I saw Emerie while walking here, she just needs to find where to park the car,” she said.

“That’s fine,” Nesta replied, then adding, “I already ordered cake for everyone.”

Gwyn gave her a conspiratory smile, but before a single word could leave her lips, Emerie slumped on the free chair between them.

She started her greetings but stopped mid-sentence as her gaze fell on Nesta’s hand.

To the six months of sobriety coin - her second one - that she was playing with while waiting to meet her dearest friends.

“Did you-”

“No,” Nesta interrupted her, not wanting to hear the condemning and pitiful words for a third time, “no, I didn’t drink anything.”

“Why is it out, then?” Gwyn asked, eyeing her cautiously. They both knew more than well how well Nesta guarded her secrets, and this one in particular was the biggest of them all. She wouldn’t dare risk it revealed if not for a very good reason.

“It is out,” Nesta began, feeling her resolution coming less with every breath she took, “because I broke a different rule.”

.

.

.

That's Cassian's PFP, because we all deserve a Can Yaman in our lives

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.

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Taglist: @confusedfandomslut @nestaspegasus @sayosdreams @bookstantrash @moodymelanist @starksravings @iddragyouwithme @thewayshedreamed @letstakethedawn @perseusannabeth @duskandstarlight @julemmaes @sv0430 @simpingfornestaarcheron @whoever-you-choose-to-love @whoreforgwynriel I have the memory of a goldfish sO let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist!

[vidalinav]

Firstly, no one wants a therapy book. These are books about Faeries. So no one is sitting wanting to read about withdrawals, puking, crying and screaming. Maybe a very SMALL contingent of readers. Not the majority. Nesta falling down the stairs, Nesta refusing to train, Nesta giving attitude to Cassian, that's it. That's the withdrawals. Since she is not a full blown alcoholic or a sex addict, there wouldn't be massive withdrawals. She is not Amy Winehouse.

Secondly, the intervention is done exactly for that reason--so she doesn't turn into Amy Winehouse. It's not 'implied' that she is having potentially dangerous sex with people who could hurt her. It's a fact. She says it herself. It's not 'implied' that she drinks too much. She says it herself. It's observed. The concern isn't that she is doing those things--no one is looking for her to become a sweet, celibate virgin. The concern is that she is doing these things TOO much. That's how you become an addict.

People in power, on whom she depends decided to step in and put an end to it. That's how interventions work. Especially since she decided to be completely dependent on them financially. If she had a job, then yes, no one can tell her what to do. You make your own bed and decisions, and that's what she did.

The whole 'sisterly' involvement--she was the person who cut everyone out. She cut out Feyre, then Elain, Cassian, Amren. It was her decision. What are they going to do? Did Elain not try to get involved in her life? Did she not invite her to Solstice? Elain was the only person who gave her a gift. Was it Elain or Nesta who decided that they didn't the other? As I recall, Nesta didn't acknowledge Elain on the street. She refused to participate. So should the sisters just take it? Accept the bullshit and keep the checks coming? Should Feyre and Elain just sit back and watch Nesta spiral out of control until she does become an addict and/or gets raped? or hurt? Yes, there comes a time when you are just fed up and Elain, or Feyre, are not obligated to coddle Nesta and let get do whatever it is that she wants to do, and watch her hurt herself.

I am aware of your opinions and you will never agree and I know you'll still insist that the IC is horrible and the sisters don't care. But honestly, they saved Nesta so there is that.

I sometimes don't know whether I should just delete these, because someone always write a whole ass aggressive post in the anons when you know you could just post it yourself. But sometimes I get a lot of joy out of these-- I wish you put this much energy in analyzing the actual text but alas.

Anyway, let me read.

Point 1: this is not a therapy book. I agree S/JM should stop writing about trauma.

Point 2: The intervention is done for exactly that reason--I argue that you don't know the reason and neither do I, and nor do I feel that S/JM does. You can definitely argue about addiction and where it leads, but I can argue that the text doesn't support that she has one or one that warrants an intervention beyond offering a support system, which then I ask why the intervention is there at all, since I know very well that characters do not have autonomy and this was an author's choice. I question S/JM's narrative decisions and how they are framed in the novel which is why I cannot support specific claims about characters.

Point 3: I already talked about this in a reblog. So I'm going to dismiss this one.

Point 4: If the intention on behalf of the writer is to show that they care, then... I got to see scenes where they care. It can't be speculation. It has to be concrete. If the goal is to show realism, then you have to show realistic consequences of trauma, the dirt of it all, and then also the push and pull of healing which arguably is not in here. You can show people being annoyed by her trauma, that's realistic but it's not realistic for someone to jump into an intervention. You know realistically, as in of this world, you cannot force anyone to be in a program without their consent, and they can leave at any time. Of course there are certain instances where this is not true, but it takes years to get people the healing or help for addiction/trauma that they need and if people don't want to heal well you can't do nothing about it. That's realistic.

If you are arguing that Nesta is rolling down a steep hill to nowheresville as it seems then... by all means it probably should take more than giving a gift at solstice, which doesn't make Elain nor Feyre look good that this is the height of trying. To go straight to intervention without convincing evidence that it's needed nor that they tried literally anything else is my point. So if the goal was to make the foundation for a sisterly relationship, I am not convinced. If the goal was to show they care, I am certainly not convinced.

The objective of any book is to convince the reader of something. If you did not convince a bulk of the readership, whether that be anti-Nesta's who are not quelled or pro-Nesta's who are not satisfied, then the writer did not convince well enough. Which is what I am saying specifically about the benevolence of the IC. That claim lacks contextual evidence. It is not about whether I like them or not. Who cares about that? I like interesting characters, I am arguing that if the author herself wanted me to believe they were "good" or morally righteous, she did not provide that basis. Actually she gave me a lot of evidence that they aren't. Which is fine, if it amounts to something. If doesn't then, S/JM wrote an unconvincing book.

Point 5: The book says that Nesta saved the IC, literally. The IC did not save Nesta, neither literally nor emotionally. That would mean they were directly involved or... empathetic and supportive, which I already said I'm not convinced and why that is. What saved Nesta and what made the majority of the book was the House, her friends, a goal, the Mother, and a romantic relationship. A support system. I can argue that. Anyone can argue that. For one, because the IC is notably absent for most of the book and when they're there they don't look great. Then you have to think why did S/JM make a relationship that is supportive and have that parallel the presence/absence of the IC who is blatantly not? Doesn't make them look great again. Interesting yes they are, but not benevolent.

~

Look, I'm assuming the point of sending me an anon is because you don't agree and you don't know what to do with that, but you also don't want to reblog and you want to make sure I see this post, because I probably wouldn't. It is totally within your right to argue. I love discussions even with people who do not agree with me. But I want to discuss things. So, give me contextual evidence. Give me lines, give me connections. Connect them dots. Once you have done this then hit me up and we'll discuss. Right now your argument is based on opinion alone. You think this. You think that. Purely speculative. It's not based on anything and therefore can't be argued well. For lack of a better way to say this, I don't care about your opinion. Opinions are not fact. They don't mean anything, they're as good as the people behind them. I want to discuss the text and how it works, and what it does, and how it's supported. The consequences of certain narrative decisions.

So, if you think the IC is supportive and justified and want to tell me specifically, show me how they are--by the book, how scenes are framed, what actions characters take along the path to the end. Not by what you know interventions are or because the idea of mental health/substance abuse issues is generally hard to deal with--that's not good enough. You cannot argue the text without using the text either in quote or paraphrasing or giving examples especially on a post where I am talking about the evidence and the lack of it. You said I wouldn't change my mind, you don't know that. I can certainly see something from your pov, but you have to do more than this.

You chose to leave an anon, so you either do the homework or you don't leave an anon with me.

[astrababyy]

the way those arguments were twisted is astounding. it sounds like reading two different books when they describe it. “rhysand had to play a game”, but nesta’s behavior based on her trauma isn’t even understandable — it’s undeserving of forgiveness” ma’am nesta was a CHILD. rhysand is a grown ass man. he’s fucking 500 years old. why do y’all fight to the fucking death for a 500 year old man??

and the way they just downplayed everything rhys did to her… it’s not ABOUT how low he went when he groped her. it’s not about how rhys gave her the alcohol so she wouldn’t have to remember it. it’s not about the fact that rhys forcefully kissed her to “hide it from amarantha”.

it’s about the fact that rhys humiliated her in front of hundreds of people. it’s the fact that he practically stripped her down to nothing and forced her to dance. it’s the fact that he disgraced and humiliated her, and stripped her of all her dignity — and practically drugged her to make her pliant. it’s the fact that he drugged her so badly that she spent the mornings after vomiting her guts out, unable to remember ANYTHING, knowing full well that whatever she did was fucking horrible.

but noooo… rhys was playing a GAME guys, so it doesn’t matter. yes. yes he fucking was. rhys used and abused feyre to make tamlin angry and to assuage his own jealousy. THAT’S what rhys was playing at. he could’ve done anything to feyre to help her, but he chose that so he could continue to fuel his little rivalry with tamlin. he used a 19 year old woman to get what he wanted and traumatized her in the process. that’s what he did, and the fact that y’all would downplay that is… just a lot.

hating nesta for "what she did to feyre" but not rhysand IS misogyny idc

ah yes, the mean-spirited difficult bitch woman vs the brooding man whose trauma dictates his actions and causes him to lash out but it's sexy and deep because he's a man