#neither of them are Zara’s best fuck even if she likes them both

[j2zara]

I do think Jace is the best fuck Porter has ever had but. If asked between anyone in his life which includes Zara n Porter, it would like. Take Jace a minute of waffling between the two of them before he gave his answer and no matter what it is even if he does decide Porter, that’s too long for Porter to be happy about it

[faedawayyy]

og verse: my plans for the guys.

this gif of chloe is nothing to do with this but i love the bratz lol. triggering topics below! read with caution.

DALLAS JACKSON, 23, third year. 

SECRET: he deals drugs. the jacksons are in the circle of wealthy families in violet springs alongside the calloways, hamiltons, carmichaels, barhams sinclairs etc.but they’re bankrupt, the family has a lot of dark secrets and the main one is that his dad is an addict to both gambling and drugs, to the point where their family is now bankrupt and loaning tons of money from other families are dodgy loan-sharks. the pressure from being the main bread-winner of the family has turned dallas into somebody he never set out to be. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: mentally, dallas is on a rocky road to health. he’s still addicted to drugs himself but after a very messy break-up with zara and a messier one with soraya, he’s working closely with friends to focus on his career and try to at least get his mental health in the right place.  MY PLANS: another downfall is literally inevitable, it’s dallas. i do think he’ll build himself back up to be huge, though, but he has a lot of resentment to a lot of people and can count on both hands the people he actually likes at st judes. i think there’ll be a lot more of OG dallas; hurting people/arguing with those he doesn’t care about etc.  UP COMING PROJECT: justice the album.

MASON CARMICHAEL, 26, fifth year.

SECRET: mason is the only child in the carmichael family who knows that their dad isn’t dead. after getting too close to being tied to a very serious money laundering case, he took his stroke in 2019 as a route out. however, he kept in touch with mason knowing he’s probably the most trustworthy to keep his whereabouts a secret. mason is sitting on the information but it’s getting harder and harder to do when he sees how much the loss of such a key figure is affecting him.  

WHERE HE IS ATM: at the moment, mason and kendall have been trying to start a family and he’s also found out that amy is his daughter. this threw him into a huge dilemma and he clashed extremely hard with madison over it. there are still hard feelings - and towards bash, who was just given the role of amy’s father despite mason knowing nothing about it.  MY PLANS: i think mason is going to want to see amy more and more despite knowing kendall isn’t hot on the idea/neither is madison to an extent. depending on how everything goes, he’ll definitely take madison to caught for joint custody of amy seeing as he’s never refused to be her dad or acknowledge her - he was just never told.  UP COMING PROJECT: princesses, the franchise. 

BRODY CARMICHAEL, 25, fourth year. 

SECRET: brody has very publicly become a father. he and disney have had their relationship watched by the world since they started high school musical at 14. on the outside, he has everything together. he’s the alpha male type; not that that’s great; think the character taylor plays in her “the man” video and pretty untouchable. on the inside, he’s seriously grieving the loss of his dad and isn’t coping well with the pressure of a new family. his drinking problem happens very much behind closed doors and is straining his marriage but divorce isn’t a marriage, both of them are way too invested in being the world’s most perfect couple.

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s already had a warning from the hospital that another binge like he’s had could be the end of him and he’s on a very stern plan to become sober. again, nobody actually knows this so he’s kind of recovering in silence but i think he’ll genuinely get better.

MY PLANS: it’ll take a long time but he’ll definitely get better. i don’t think plots always have to be about characters spiralling. i’m also planning for him to see his dad by mistake or something of the sort. i feel like a lot of people will assume he’s high/drunk and it’ll really fuck with him but i haven’t sat and thought out of the details. 

UP COMING PROJECT: neighbours 2: sorority rising 

BLAKE CRUZ, 23, third year.

SECRET: he watched his brother die. blake didn’t really know what was happening at the time but when he was 12, his older brother charlie was 16. he’d come in after a night of sneaking out and crept back into their shared room as usual. blake was still awake and heard he was clearly drunk, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. he only knew something was seriously wrong when he fell asleep, and then woke up a few hours later and realised charlie was unconcious on top of his bed, still in his clothes - he never just passed out and always got ready for bed; even when completely wasted. he finally called for his parents but it was too late. by morning, charlie was pronounced dead and blake is living with the guilt of not saying anything because he didn’t want to get his brother in trouble. instead, he just let him die. he still hasn’t come to terms with it and tells charlie’s old friends that his death was undetermined instead.  WHERE HE IS ATM: blake is very good at burying his memories of charlie and focuses on his relationship and career to stop him from falling down a rabbit hole of guilt and self blame. he’s focused on his new marriage and releasing music with the 5SOS boys, although he’s had his own projects in the works for a very long time - he just doesn’t know how to go about it.  UP COMING PROJECTS: CALM, 5sos. 

OTIS KINGSTON, 21, second year.

SECRET: otis actually wants to become a teacher. he’s enrolled in the academy for acting after his uncle pushed him towards doing it and he’s had moderate success but his true passion lies in teaching others and being out of the spotlight. that’s why he’s very slowly failing on purpose; he wants to be a seventh year and be given more normal career paths. it might have something to do with the fact that he was having an affair with his older brother’s girlfriend who also failed her final year and is currently a student teacher. his brother never bothers with her so it makes it easy for the two of them to sneak around.

WHERE HE IS ATM: otis is very good at pretending. he puts on such a show that when he loses out or doesn’t get a role, people think he’s GENUINELY upset when in reality, he probably did it on purpose. he feels a little bad taking the spot from someone who wants it, but he did what he needs to do.

UP COMING PROJECTS: euphoria (?)

NATE HARWOOD, 23, third year.

SECRET: nate never got into st judes to begin with. he cheated himself in by changing some of his exam results in high school. a good friend of his tried to push him to do the right thing and consider his other options but nate was fixated on getting into the school, along with two more of his friends who initially failed. his friend threatened him and told him that he’d let their professors know if he went through with it. to stop him getting anywhere near, nate and his friends spiked his drink to get him too drunk to remember on prom night; however, he was so drunk he fell down a huge staircase outside the venue on the fire escape and ended up paralysed from the waist down. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: nate has more or less buried the high school mistake but every now and then it comes back to haunt him. at the moment, he’s just making music and doing his best to live the dream he risked WAY too much for. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: a good friend is nice

DARIUS RICHARDS, 24, fourth year.

SECRET: darius is actually a west ivy’s student. he was selected by his principle to secretly enroll in st judes to check out the competition. he’s also behind a lot of the sabotages that have been happening in the school (including the up and coming fire). his main aim is to make sure that west ivy’s is better than st judes in everyway, no matter what it takes. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s hiding in plain sight. nobody suspects a thing from him. darius is being extra careful with the projects he releases and to always stay a little bit below complete stardom - it makes it easier for him to navigate and do things unnoticed. but, he has met people he genuinely likes too and does his best to save them from sabotage. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: starboy

TATE SIMPSON, 26, fifth year. 

SECRET: back to the tragedy in his home...it’s true that tate was never harmed by anyone growing up; not physically, anyway. but that doesn’t mean his home was perfect. his parents were young when they had him and he grew up with little money. this put a lot of strain on them and his dad couldn’t deal with it. he resorted to cheating, drinking and being wildly abusive. there were mornings tate turned up at school without sleeping because he’d been up all night hearing his parent’s argue and fight. it escalated. his father moved on to beating his mother and he’d feel helpless. one night while they were arguing, the fire alarm went off due to them leaving the oven on and it stopped them. so, the next time the fighting got severe and tate heard his mother being beat again, he had an idea. he grabbed a lighter from his parents bedroom and set fire to one of his stuffed animals to set the fire alarm off - it did, and his parents stopped arguing, but not before the fire had spread across the top floor of their home. the fire brigade rescued tate and his father, but not his mother. she passed away and he’s blamed himself ever since. nobody ever found the real case, but that doesn’t make it much better for him.

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s new and just starting out! 

UP COMING PROJECTS: big time adolescence 

MARCUS CARMICHAEL, 26, fifth year.

SECRET: marcus is often used as his uncle’s scapegoat. james never wanted to get leo, mason or brody too tied into the shadier side of the family business so marcus; child of a single mother and secretly desperate for an in to their world was the perfect candidate. he’s never minded either, to be honest. if he gets paid for shifting some money around or scamming a big time director, so be it. however, the last job he did for james was way too intense, even for him. it included the trafficking of janey and collecting the money made off of her. he had a chance to save her, he knows that, but not without exposing his uncle’s dark secrets. he was never DIRECTLY involved but he knows that doesn’t make him any better. 

WHERE HE IS ATM: marcus is focusing on his acting career and making a conscious effort to be better and stay out of trouble. with ghosts from his past constantly showing up, though, it really is proving to be difficult. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: hemlock grove

ANTHONY HENSHAW, 27, fifth year. 

SECRET: anthony is a stalker. he fixates on people and it gets intense. after being bullied in high school, he latches on to the people who’re nice to him and reads too much into small acts of kindness. he can actually be incredibly dangerous; not many people have noticed yet. 

WHERE HE IS ATM:  he’s currently fixated on natasha but always open for more.

UP COMING PROJECTS: probably some kind of deal with spotlight to shoot different students idk 

KRISTOFER NILSEN, 27, fifth year.

I’LL DO HIM WHEN I CBA 

PHILIP LAWSON, 27, fifth year. 

SECRET: the stunt at the calloway isn’t random. his dad persuaded him to get it in order to get more information on gerald and more specifically, his account details. believe it or not, philip has already managed to access one of his minor accounts after snooping through a secret office of his, but it only had hundreds in there. he’s ok though; he’s ready to play the long game - and steal from all his less privacy-savy friends while he’s waiting.

WHERE HE IS ATM: just starting out! 

UP COMING PROJECTS: big time adolescence/bloom

JUDE BAKER, 18, first year.

SECRET: he’s family are super broke, but he doesn’t let on TOO much. everybody in town knows that his family own the motel that’s on the border of violet springs and london, but that leads to people assuming he’s quite well off or at least average which is how he likes it. his dad is way too carried away with his dream of being a hotel owner which has lead to the baker family selling everything. he literally lives in the motel and really doesn’t have much else to report on.

WHERE HE IS ATM: he’s quiet, anxious and i feel like he’d have one friend who isn’t exactly popular either. all through attending springs park, he was bullied by assholes and st judes was meant to be his fresh start, but he’s realised everybodys worse and with a bigger ego. he keeps himself to himself and is just tries not to be a target. 

UP COMING PROJECTS: stranger things >:) 

EZRA HUGHES, 25, fourth year.

AGAIN I’LL DO IT WHEN I CBB 

[thecandywrites]

Jewel Of The North Part 11

Woo, this was so much fun. Karma begins to sink her teeth into Alorna and Doug. Meanwhile Noah and our dear reader Zara draw closer and closer. Que- Lady in Red.

Many thanks to @monstersandmaw​ for sharing ice orcs with me. I am having a blast. Enjoy. 

Jewel Of The North

Part 11

The next morning, you accidentally slept in because you were up half the night getting some of the best sex of your life and reconciling with Noah and having the best heart to heart while you were fucking the other’s brains out and this morning you felt like you were running around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to get ready on time and Noah walked you to the spa himself and you weren’t five steps from it before you saw Alorna and Doug at the counter, getting last minute upgrades on their services and about to go into it and both you and Noah stopped dead in your tracks and gasped and squeezed the other’s hand tightly and you doing that made Alorna and Doug turn around to look and one look made them freeze and breathe in tightly and the looks on their faces were priceless as they looked like they both had been caught with their pants down as both you and Noah quickly got your phones out and got pictures of them, together for proof of where they were and why the couldn’t be found back on the mainland.              

And seeing them, you and Noah looked at each other before looking back at them and started busting out laughing and pointing because the odds of the four of you meeting back up, let alone like this- was astronomical. So it was either by fate that you met or by the craziest coincidence. Yesterday you would have wanted to beat them both to a pulp. Today- though, you didn’t care. You had your family and a clean conscience and you knew they couldn’t boast of that last one and you knew Karma was about to bite them in the ass and you knew that justice was coming for them and for you. 

“Oh my gods, you left John for Doug?” Noah asked his sister. 

“What if I did?” Alorna shirked with a shrug. 

“I mean you’re a stupid, faithless bitch either way and incase you missed it, I officially disown you. By the way, since you seem to have been ignoring your phone, I think you should know I got a text from your soon to be ex husband, telling me that you had skipped out of town on a cruise and he officially called all his credit cards that you have- in as stolen and cancelled your check card and kicked you off the checking account at the bank. And his lawyer is expediting your divorce and all your stuff is at the community center and that he changed the locks on the doors. But at least he left you your car.” Noah informed her as he pulled up his text from John on his phone and read it off to her. 

“What?” Alorna blanched as she came over to look at his phone to read it herself. 

“Even if that’s true, Sweetheart, you can move all your things in with me.” Doug offered Alorna which made her beam smugly at her brother. 

“Thank you Baby, I knew I could depend on you.” Alorna practically sang as she sauntered back to him and kissed him sweetly as you just stood there and shook your head as you texted your picture to Summer and gave her the update as even more updates came pouring into your own phone.  

“Well, if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment I need to keep.” You excused yourself and went up to the desk to check in for your own appointment. 

“What are you getting done?” Doug asked you curiously from down the counter.

“Nothing. It’s an interview and sales pitch to be an onboard LMT, I get the ultimate cruise experience and elite package in a King’s Suite for free just for about an hour or so of my time and any money I spend on this cruise, I write off as a business expense, both personally and from a business expense for all of my businesses. So while this cruise is free, I get to enjoy a twenty thousand dollar tax break for myself and for each of my businesses, which considering all four of them and counting myself, is a whole hundred thousand dollars. Not bad for an hour or two of my time eh?” You returned with a smugness of your own as Doug and Alorna’s jaw dropped in jealous disbelief. 

“Enjoy your time at the spa.” You offered sweetly before you paused and turned to address them head on. 

“Oh by the way, before you go, I should remind you- just in case you didn’t know, there is always legal backlash for defaming and maligning a priestess of Aura. Because my lawyers have already been in contact with every single elder in every clan up here and especially with every single elder on the councils and got so many statements of what you two said about me to them and already have more than enough evidence to sue you both and it doesn’t matter if and when which of you turns on the other or not, both of you will answer for what you’ve done. You should know that the last person to defame a priestess of Aura, was sued for a 150 million dollars in damages, and the out of court settlement ended up being 15 million. So you’ll be hearing from my lawyers when you do get home and currently you’re both in the process of getting warrants out for your arrest because defaming and threatening a public figure which all priestesses of Aura are, is an arrest-able offense in every country in the world and an expedite-able offense too. So enjoy jail. I doubt anyone but me will have pockets deep enough to bail you out and there’s no way in hell I would ever do that either. But I hope this little affair was worth it for you.” You offered, your tone sweet as honey but the gravitas of what you were saying hit them both like a ton of bricks Noah beamed the happiest, proudest smile. 

“Yes! In your faces motherfuckers!” Noah cheered as he gave them both the bird. 

“Baby, I’m gonna be sitting right over here until you get out.” Noah informed you happily as he pointed to a chair before he strutted over and settled into it. 

“You’re lying. That’s the worst bluff I’ve ever heard.” Alorna scoffed at you. 

“I guess we’ll see when you get off the ship, in any port you do get off at. You’ve fucked around, now you get to find out.” You smiled smugly back with a shrug. 

“Ms. Kingsley?” Sharon- the spa’s manager called when she came out. 

“That’s me.” You confirmed as you went over to her and shook her hand and went back with her into the spa for your interview. 

“What if she wasn’t bluffing.” Doug murmured to Alorna before their own therapists came out to get them. 

“She has to be, she’s just trying to get the last word and the last laugh and steal our fun. It’s not gonna work.” Alorna insisted but Doug wasn’t sure before they went back into the spa. 

Noah happily texted his mom that you and him had fully reconciled and that he had told Alorna the ‘news’ of John’s divorce as his mother confirmed everything you had just told Doug and Alorna and that yesterday, shortly after you left, that she had gotten a call from a lawyer asking about the incident and that not only did she and Ukluk confirm the case, but so had Isla, Tonrar and everyone else involved and that the clan law was in the process of getting modified by each clan and that each clan was offering Zara a share of the tribal lands as recompense for believing the lies about her and were working on a formal apology and would be officially stripping Alorna and Doug of their clan standing and ties and that the police were involved and that there were indeed warrants out for their arrests and that cops were already contacting the cruise ship to let them know they were harboring wanted individuals. 

Noah simply giggled gleefully as he got up and went to the closest bar and got a celebratory drink before settling back into his spot.

Finally, after all this time, and pain and heartache and damage, his sister and Doug had caused, they were getting what was coming to them. Karma was real and was gonna bite them in the ass soon enough. And the best part about it, is he didn’t have to lift a finger and neither did you. All he had to do was stand by you and do right by you from now on, which he was more than prepared to do. Never again would he waiver from you. Because while you had lost the battle the other night, you sure as hell were going to win the war and just because you weren’t physically fighting or combative, didn’t mean that you weren’t fighting back, you were just fighting back in the best way possible. You were going to hit where it would hurt them the most. And Noah for one would rather get the shit kicked out of him rather than be abandoned by his clan. So he was supremely grateful.

He pulled out your check that had been in his pocket, and turned it over to read the back one more time. 

‘Dear Noah, please don’t think that I’m giving up. I’m not. I will never give up, not on you or on Sakura. And I will fight till my last breath for you both. I don’t want you to have to choose between your heritage, your culture and your birthright- and me. You deserve both. You both deserve everything you want. Love, happiness, honor, pride, heritage, roots and family. When you read this. I hope you’ll understand that as a priestess, there are rules I have to follow while in regalia. And I hope we find each other again soon. No matter what happens, I will always love you both- Sincerely, Zara.’ 

Even now, Noah wiped a stray happy tear from his eyes as he pressed the check to his heart. He had been a fool yesterday. A thankless bastard, a reprehensible asshole. But you redeemed him. Even when you shouldn’t have. And for that, he would always be grateful. And love you unconditionally and always treat you with the utmost care and respect. And treat your children as his own. Even if they both hated him at first. He would win them over by staying true to you and them. And he was always going to have your back and theirs and be the trustworthy rock you and they needed. He silently prayed to every god you both believed in and vowed this to them and when he had finished. A renewed sense of peace and happiness came and settled in him and renewed his spirit. 

The interview process did take about an hour and a half. But you came out of the spa, happy and smiling and laughing with the spa’s day manager before you practically strut over to him. 

“So? How’d it go?” He asked before you slid into his lap and drank the rest of his drink. 

“It went great, they offered me a job but sadly I had to turn it down because I actually want to be around for my kids and possible new husband and can’t do that living on a ship full time.” You hinted. 

“They have a jewelry store on this cruise ship right?” Noah asked. “I can get you a wedding ring right now.” He offered. 

“Don’t you dare, the jewelry on this ship is cheap in quality and sky high in price. I would much rather have a traditional ring from the clans or bead in my hair or whatever. Besides, if you do get me a ring, it’ll live on this necklace or any other necklace you get for me because I can’t wear jewelry on my hands for work. But I would wear it on my off days and special occasions.” You answered. 

“Besides. Call me old fashioned, but I want a traditional wedding with all the friends and family and all that and not some last minute thing on a cruise ship.” You urged him. 

“Me too.” Noah simply grinned as he happily wrapped his arms around you and held you comfortably. 

“So, let’s go get some brunch.” You urged him before you got off of him and offered him your hand to help him up which he gratefully took and once he was up to his full height he returned the glass to the bar and walked down to one of the restaurants on the ship with you comfortably under his arm. 

“I will say this though, could we get you some nice dress clothes for dinner?” You asked as you walked down the hallway with your own arm around his waist. 

“Sure.” Noah answered before you both gorged yourselves on a brunch then went shopping to get Noah a few things for the remaining nights of the cruise, including a black suit with a black dress shirt and black dress shoes with black socks with a few different ties and handkerchiefs that would match the dresses you brought so that you would match and so that Noah’s suit would be versatile. 

“Aww, I see you found her.” Maggie said as you guys walked past the customer service desk together, both of you carrying several bags each. 

“I did.” Noah grinned proudly. 

“So- what did you forget?” She asked you curiously. 

“His heart.” You answered truthfully. 

“Awww!” She gushed. “Really?” She asked as she looked from the two of you. 

“Yeah, we’ve been falling for each other since we first met each other, and it just took one good kick in the pants for me to come to my senses and come after her.” Noah revealed. 

“What was your kick in the pants?” She pressed giddily. 

“This.” Noah said as he showed her the back of the check before she and everyone else at customer service read it and started crying once you explained the whole story after putting your things on the counter so you wouldn’t have to keep holding them and it freed your hands up for your gestures. 

“So, I actually won’t be needing my cabin. I’m rooming with her.” He nodded over to you. 

“Well then I guess you need a refund for your suite don’t you? I mean you didn’t even really use the room at all, barely stepped your foot in it. So it doesn’t count, besides, we need the room for other guests anyway.” Maggie insisted before she got his room card and re-programed it so it would work for your room instead. 

“And I got you some ship credit for whatever else your hearts desire while sailing with us for any “inconvenience”. Oh this is straight out of a movie I swear!” Maggie swooned happily as she typed on her computer before she printed out receipts and stuff for you both. 

“Thank you so much for sharing. I ship you guys so hard. Here’s my email address, email me what happens, I want to know.” She insisted as she wrote down her personal email address to you. 

“Definitely.” You grinned before you got your stuff and went back to your suite together and got ready for dinner at the cruise’s most fancy restaurant. 

“Wow.” Noah breathed in awe before he wolf whistled at you from the comfort of the couch in the suite when he saw you walk out of the bathroom in a red dress that hugged your curves gorgeously and was sexy as sin. Your hair was done up, your makeup flawless, the red of your lipstick matching the shade and tone of the dress perfectly and your jewelry he could tell was older and most likely inherited from your late adopted grandparents. 

“Thank you.” You thanked him bashfully as you struck a few seductive poses for him. 

“That’s going to be real fun to take off.” Noah grinned as you could already see the beginnings of a hard on tent his pants. 

“Yes it will. Later of course, not right now, we have a reservation to keep.” You urged him as you got on two different pairs of shoes. 

“The red or the black?” You posed as you stood before him, switching from one foot to the other. 

“They both look amazing, pick whichever one is more comfortable.” He urged you. 

“They’re about the same. I’m going with red. Save the black for the little black dress.” You decided before you walked over to a chair and put the other red shoe on the other foot so now they matched before you found your shawl and put your things in a little clutch. “You ready?” You asked once you were all put together as you draped the shawl around your shoulders. 

“Ready.” Noah said as he turned the TV off and got up from the couch and straightened himself up before he was by your side in just a few strides and happily escorted you to dinner and smiled so proudly when everyone you walked past seemed to stop and stare at you strutting past them. You could tell most of them wanted to say something, a few of the brave ones whistling lowly after you passed them but one look from Noah had them biting their tongue and looking away guiltily. While Noah looked perfectly dashing- he was an ice orc after all and therefore- not someone to mess with and Noah happily escorted you to the restaurant where you got seated at a table in the center of the restaurant where you happily shrugged your shawl off and laid your clutch next to you in the comfortable armchairs. 

Noah wanted to pinch himself. Two weeks ago, he was bartering flights and airplane fuel and googling what he could make for dinner with only two or three ingredients and a handful of spices and he felt like he was treading water, barely keeping his head above water and begging his garden to ripen his produce faster so he could eat it and use it and he had been so grateful that Taylor had recommended him to you. You were one of the first clients to not haggle. He had given you a high price to start with, expecting to be haggled down. But you had accepted it and even sent him a deposit and that had set him straight and it was enough to ease the sinking feeling and gave him breathing room. And then the moment you walked into his life. Suddenly money was the last thing to matter to him. For the first time since childhood, money was not a major factor in anything. All that mattered was Sakura and you. Your safety, your wellbeing, your comfort, your happiness. And when you took to Sakura as easily and readily as you did, all he could do was thank the gods for answering his prayers for allowing the right woman into his life and Sakura’s life and for giving him the patience to wait for her. You were like a soothing balm to all the wounds losing Neena he and Sakura had sustained. 

Neena, while she was traditional in most senses and was an excellent mother and careful with money and expenses and incredibly thrifty and resourceful because she had to be, she was easily contented and not demanding at all, however she wasn’t the greatest lover, or cook. She was very reserved. And not expressively passionate. 

But you? Passion and heart, feeling and intuition was in everything you did. You were mild, gracious and generous when you wanted and needed to be but you didn’t let anyone walk all over you or take advantage of you and very protective. You were balanced between open yet discrete and an excellent judge of character. And you created such a safe, wonderful, nurturing, welcoming and relaxed environment wherever you were. And you were always, always- professional. You garnered respect wherever you went and whatever you did. And you were a goddess in both the bedroom and the kitchen and the perfect fit. 

He felt guilty comparing you with Neena. It wasn’t fair to either of you. He had married Neena out of obligation, because Isla had arranged it since his youth and being married to her was a lesson in patience and persistence and learning to adjust to the other and learning to be a team.  But to feel his heart and his soul and his mind light up brighter than the moon and the stars in the dark of night- when he met you, was something else entirely, it was an instant attraction rather than a growing to like, then love and working in tandem with you was second nature to him. You were an addiction for his soul. And he couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to have you in his life. And he was adamant, that he was never, ever going to be foolish enough to try let go- ever again. 

Soon enough, he noticed that your table didn’t have the usual two waiters, your table- had four. And all of them were practically drooling over you. Noah was used to only having great service at home. They were treating both you and him like royalty and he sincerely doubted he would get this kind of service if he wasn’t with you. But he was going to enjoy it and suddenly the table was full of all kinds of complementary offerings. And with you flashing that smile and remembering each waiter by name and being sweeter than sugar and honey, they were all eating out of your hands. Even the chefs and sous chefs came out to see how you liked their offerings and happily sent you away with a handsome spread of other desserts to enjoy in the room since you were quite full just from all the appetizers and tapas and entrees whether they were on the menu or not. 

On the way back to the room as both of you were carrying a few bags each, you passed Alorna and Doug who were leaving the casino and arguing bitterly with each other. Apparently they both had had some really bad luck in there and you and Noah simply snickered a laugh and shook your heads at their theatrics and drama. 

Once you were in the room Noah was all too happy to peel your red dress off of you so you could take your corset off and groaned in relief once your body wasn’t being restricted anymore which got Noah to chuckle as he got his own suit off. 

“Feel better?” Noah asked. 

“Much.” You answered before you went to the bathroom to wash all your makeup off and once you reappeared you found Noah in a simple t-shirt and a pair of night shorts as you had donned your own pajamas. 

“Dessert on the balcony?” You suggested. 

“Sure.” Noah nodded as he grabbed the bags as you two went out the porch as you grabbed a blanket and snuggled into the double sunchair together as you two got to digging into dessert. 

“So what are your hobbies?” You asked him curiously. 

“Like what?” He asked you. 

“Well, bedsides the flying, when it’s the off season, what do you like to do?” You asked as Noah took a big bite of cheesecake and thought it over as he chewed.  “Besides the things you have to do to live up here, what are the things you look forward to doing in your off time?” You clarified before you took a bite yourself. 

“Well I guess, just...making things and improving things. Two weeks ago, my winter plans were to rewire the parts of my plane I didn’t rewire last year. And the usual home improvements. Last winter I made Sakura a new dresser, so I’m kind of a jack of all trades.” Noah answered. 

“Well then I think I have something that will interest you, it’s a workshop and it’s a decent sized outbuilding. When Andy and I were designing the house, he wanted to have a space to do his tinkering, to work on the vehicles, to do some maintenance and whatever else he needed or wanted to do. So even after he died, I went ahead and built the workshop that’s bigger than a shed but not quite a pole barn. It’s big enough to do small to medium sized projects in, comfortably. Thanks to my brothers and brothers in law and my dad I was able to score a lot of various equipment for super cheap from a lot of the old estate sales and barn sales and such. Like I have a lot of woodshop equipment, mechanic stuff, forge stuff, blade-smithing stuff, blacksmithing stuff and the like. And my dad and all the men in my family, whenever they come over, I can always find them out there, fiddling with stuff. Like it could be a proper man cave. All it would need is like a couch and a tv. Because it already has a mini fridge for soda and beer along with a bathroom and washing facilities. It is a separate space from the stables, and the hay barn.” You informed him as you pulled out your phone and showed him pictures of it before he took the phone and zoomed in on some of the equipment was shown as Noah’s lips were pursed into a silent ‘ooh’. 

“Why do you have a hard on?” You teased as you noticed his half hard cock make an appearance in his shorts as you stroked your leg against it from half sitting in his lap.  

“Cause I’m looking at one of my biggest fantasies brought to life, in my wildest dreams I never would have imagined anything like that and my head is almost spinning with all kinds of ideas of everything I could do with all of this. It’s almost too good to be true. I mean that’s a….” Noah chuckled as he looked at it all before he started listing off what he saw and what he knew about all of it as you just smiled brighter and prouder as relief and validation and vindication flooded your mind. 

“Good.” You beamed. 

“Why did you build it if Andy wasn’t alive to enjoy it and use it?” Noah asked you thoughtfully.  

“Can you promise me not to freak out?” You posed. 

“Yeah.” Noah answered as he gave you a curious look. 

“Ok, so it was one of those- ‘build it and they will come’ kind of things. I had always planned in my head that if and when Andy would die, I would just up and move to the northern Great Lakes to be with the rest of my family. And then when Andy did die and we had already bought the property and were in the process of bulldozing the existing farm house and clearing brush and trees to make room for the house. I flirted with the idea of still cutting ties and just up and moving. But Olga surprised me by coming down to see me and she advised not making any rash decision with a broken heart and not to let my past ideas limit my current potential. And she had me bring her out there. And she ended up doing a peering right then and there, among the dirt and gravel. She told me to not change my plans of moving there, that my roots where I was- were already deep enough to sustain me and my family and if I uprooted myself and my family that I would damage them and me more than help them and myself. That I had the will, the means and the ability to build my dreams right there, from start to finish and that if I built it, they would come true. I just had to lay the foundations. To grow a garden, you ready the soil and then plant. I had already started to ready the soil. What I grew from there depended on how much soil I readied and what I planted. Both literally and figuratively. And that by the time my heart was ready, everything else would be ready too. And when she shared that with my family, they were all too happy to help in any way they could. When I had full control of all the funds from all of my inheritance from my adopted grandparents- I went back to the design firm and did a complete redesign and because I now had, literal millions to play with, I was able to design my dream house with all the flourishes and thoughtful touches and dreams and fantasies I had initially wanted but gave up because they didn’t fit the utilitarian point of view Andy had and I got to plan and execute it exactly how I wanted it. And even when there were little hiccups with the construction. I was ok with it. Because I wanted it to be perfect and it was. And then after it was built, and I was furnishing it and suddenly my dad, my father in law and my brother and brothers in law drug me to all these estate sales and barn sales and I got a ton of equipment for super cheap. And Olga told me that the right man would recognize what I have and know exactly how to use it best, not just in my self but with what I had. Which you just demonstrated for me, cause you knew what all of that was and I am willing to bet that you have at least a dozen ideas of what to do and how to use it all in your head.” You grinned proudly as you tapped the side of his head affectionately.  

“Oh at least a hundred.” Noah admitted happily before he turned to kiss your fingers and your palm with equal affection.

“I look forward to seeing them.” You insisted as you snuggled further together. 

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 20

Here we are. Last chapter. Fuuuuuuuck.

Ephemera: directions from Nobel. Fuck you, Nobel.

Jess has seen Santi very, very upset. Quite a few times. But when he mentions Nobel’s name to Santi, “Jess had never seen the man so shaken.” Santi realizes right away how bad this is.

According to Wolfe, Santi doesn’t call things “unthinkable”, but destroying the Archives is just that to him. Looking back at previous books, Santi hasn’t even described the prison in Rome as unthinkable. Disturbing, yes (enough that he thought it would get through to Zara just to see it), but not something he couldn’t conceive of the Library doing. Going by Stormcrow, Santi has know about (or at least suspected) the Library’s corruption for a long time, he’s seen the Library’s dark side up close, and even he finds this hard to grasp.

Wolfe says “Nic”, not “Lord Commander” or even “Santi.” Stress = intimacy.

Right. So. Only the Archivist and Lord Commander know about Nobel’s system. But they had to have told foreign leaders about it - a threat is useless if they don’t tell anyone. But it hasn’t become common knowledge - the kids are all shocked to hear of it. Is that a sign of just how tightly the Library controls information? Someone threatens the Library, there’s a quiet meeting between their king and the Archivist, and everything gets hushed up? Maybe.

Another possibility: only the Archivist and Lord Commander have ever known. Things never really reached the point of any foreign leaders being told. Library propaganda passed down from one Archivist/Lord Commander to the next says it worked, though. Santi hasn’t had his job long enough to look into it or question it.

Wolfe heard rumors about the fail-safe system. Even he’s surprised it’s real.

The Archives are about to burn. Wolfe and Santi debate the finer points of Library bureaucracy. This is actually a nice little look at their perspectives on the whole corrupt mess of the Library. Santi sees the system and how it’s supposed to work, and he’s naturally inclined to work within its confines. Wolfe sees the system, recognizes it as stupid, and starts looking for a workaround, only to become irritable when there isn’t one.

Morgan tries to hack the records to make Khalila count as an official Archivist. She says she can’t because whoever wrote the protection was much more powerful than her. But she’s ridiculously powerful right now and wearing a magic ring. What’s going on? Pay attention to her hands: “Morgan flinched and dropped the Codex. Her hands looked red, as if she’d been burned by it.” Jess picks up the key detail, but interprets it wrong. The Codex didn’t burn Morgan. The ring did, just like it has other times when she’s tried to take power for unapproved reasons. She reached for the power to hack the records, and Gargi stopped her.

Why, though? Maybe she just couldn’t do it without killing people in the process? Maybe Gargi considers Nobel’s system to be a choice the Library made that she won’t save it from?

Nobel’s device is alchemy-powered. Morgan can sense it gathering power. Ok, time to stop trying to make sense of the technobabble. That way lies madness.

Gargi won’t give Morgan the power to hack the Archivist records. Kind of assuming Gargi won’t give Morgan the power just to stop the device, either (is that possible? I mean, why not? It seems to be alchemy? Ok seriously not trying to figure this thing out). She will give Morgan cryptic clues to turn off Nobel’s device. Gargi, you’re really kind of a bitch, you know that?

Everything’s going to shit, and it’s not Khalila who takes charge, but Wolfe. And he doesn’t hesitate. They’re falling back into the roles they’re used to under stress.

These are split-second choices for Wolfe, and for all I know they’re based on where everyone’s standing, but let’s read too much into things. Nic and Khalila together - both highly competent in Wolfe’s view, both absolutely essential to the library; it’s a sign of trust that he sends them both together. Thomas and Jess - there’s a balance of skills here, with Thomas’s mechanical genius and Jess’s experience spotting traps, but it’s also possible that Wolfe just thinks Jess might need someone to carry him. Wolfe and Dario - interesting, considering the last time we saw them together, Wolfe did not approve of Dario’s actions - keeping Dario where he can see him, maybe? Or is Wolfe bringing Dario along to balance out his own overconfidence in seeing traps, figuring Dario might spot tricks Wolfe overlooks? Morgan and Glain - wizard and warrior paired up; Morgan to handle the alchemy, Glain to do the heavy lifting.

Each team also has different talents. There’s the leadership/strategy team, Nic and Khalila. Mechanical geniuses Thomas and Jess (Jess might not give himself much credit, but he’s damn good with locks and such). Sneaky bastards Wolfe and Dario. Brute force (both physical and magical) Morgan and Glain. Splitting everyone this way means each wing gets hit with a different approach. Wolfe is possibly hoping that if ALL of them can’t figure it out, at least one team will have the right skills for the job, and they’ll potentially be able to help the others once they get their own.

Nobel’s an asshole. Zeus is an asshole. Fitting Nobel would put this shit in Zeus statues, really.

The trick is one Jess recognizes as the kind of thing the Library would do to catch thieves: an easy answer that’s a trap and a hidden correct answer. Jess gets it because of criminal background. Going to guess Wolfe and Santi both have enough experience with setting up these kinds of traps that they would recognize it. Dario’s political/spy training might predispose him to look for a trap, too. Khalila might be analytical enough to catch it, but maybe not. Morgan and Glain are the least likely to recognize this: neither has relevant experience. The only thing that might have helped Morgan would be a clue in the flow of energy, but that apparently wasn’t there.

Pardon me while I have Jess feels. Poor baby.

Jess hears Wolfe shouting - Wolfe still in charge as of this point? Seems that way. And when Jess does hear Wolfe, Wolfe is shouting for Morgan to leave. He’s choosing his kid over the Archives.

Khalila. Fuck. So one minute, she’s in tears, trying to save Jess. The next, she’s in Archivist mode, telling Morgan to save the Archives. Not just that, but explicitly reasserting command of the group after letting Wolfe give orders for a bit, specifically so she can order Morgan to die for the Archives.

I feel like we’re missing some really big internal conflict in Khalila here. From the beginning of the chapter, Khalila’s seemed off balance. She doesn’t really know what’s going on, she doesn’t have control of the relevant scripts or mechanical systems, she’s basically just been told that she doesn’t really count as Archivist. And this is right after the sphinx incident with Dario, which was also a blow to her confidence (which we could see was a bit shaky even there). From shock, from being overwhelmed by it all, something, she temporarily stepped back and let Wolfe take charge. But the moment Wolfe gives an order that contradicts what Khalila feels is their duty, Khalila snaps back into her role. She might not be fully confident in herself as Archivist, she might not know everything about the Library or her job yet, but she does know that her greatest duty is protecting the Archives at all costs.

Khalila may be more inclined than the others to see the sacrifice of Morgan for the Archives as the best solution. Putting aside emotional motivations (and damn is there a lot of that to go around), Khalila is going to be inclined to see the Archives as the one and only source of irreplaceable knowledge. She’s a law-abiding kid from a noble family, and until the events of canon, didn’t question the Library much. Compare that to Jess, who knows just how many illegal books are out there. Or Wolfe, who knows very personally how possible it is to go on after losing everything. Those backgrounds are going to factor in, whether consciously or not.

A thought on the whole mess of the library system. This was the chance to let it all burn down and start something new. Archivist Khalila decided to save the existing structure. Archivist Wolfe wouldn’t have. Interesting contrast with ideas that have previously been discussed concerning how Wolfe was too wrapped up in the Library to see beyond it - he was ready to accept the destruction of the whole thing to save Morgan. AU potential? Wolfe took the Archivist job and kept it, saved Morgan, Archives burned, now everyone’s rebuilding from the ground up? (This seems like your sort of thing, @eli-wray).  (Of course, all this assumes Morgan would actually listen to whoever is the Archivist and not do her own thing... which... you know... Morgan doesn’t work like that.)

Everyone does defer to Khalila, or at least, no one argues with her. The kids all stand back and keep quiet. Wolfe and Santi try to get to Morgan, but don’t try to persuade anyone. No time to argue? Kids are too shocked to do much of anything? It just occurred to me that after he drags Jess out to the middle of the Archive, we don’t see anything else Dario does.

“I’m glad I loved you.” *cries*

Interesting as it is to dissect Khalila’s choice here, it’s not actually her choice. It’s Morgan’s. Sure, Khalila gave the official order, but Morgan was already doing it. She wasn’t waiting for anyone’s approval. As we know, but the characters really don’t, Morgan was already dying, and even if she weren’t, Morgan has never hesitated to sacrifice herself for the others. It goes back as far as staying with Jess after the train crash in France. Then going back to the Iron Tower after Rome. Philly. Going back to the Iron Tower again. Corrupting herself again and again. This choice is as Morgan as it gets, and even if Khalila had ordered Morgan to run away, I think Morgan would have stayed and put the fire out anyway.

And this is so obviously something Morgan is doing not just for the Archives, but for her family. She pushes Jess back. Takes the time before walking into the fire to reassure Jess and Glain. Puts up a barrier to keep Wolfe and Santi back. She’s saving them, and she’s saving the Library for them.

Wolfe throws himself against Morgan’s barrier first. Then Santi joins in. As usual, here’s Wolfe running into danger (or trying to), and Santi following. We get no indication of Santi’s thoughts here, but I suspect he would have been ok with letting Morgan sacrifice herself. I’m sure he’s let soldiers sacrifice themselves in battle, and he can make the calculation of the value of that many books over one life. But Wolfe feels strongly about trying to save Morgan, so Santi’s right there with him.

It’s Santi who gets to Morgan first and picks her up. Interesting closure there. He was the greatest threat to her in the beginning, the loyal soldier who sent her to the Iron Tower. Now, in the end, he holds her.

The wing that burned was the one labeled “knowledge is power.” That’s symbolic, obviously. The Library’s corrupt practice of using knowledge for power literally just got burned down. Is it too much to hope that that wing might also be the one where books on weapons and such were stored, thus even more literally burning down the Library’s use of knowledge for power? Can’t decide whether I like that headcanon better or the headcanon that the wing that burned happened to be the one where the books that already were copied were kept, meaning that Morgan’s actions prevented anything at all from being lost.

Fuck it. There’s too much in this chapter. Finishing the rest of it and the epilogue in another post.

[minyoongleschimjoongles]

Preordained IX

Pairing(s):Poly!BTSxOC, Sub!BTSxOC,

Warnings: Implied sexual situations, Mentions of sexual situations, implications of Dom/sub relationships.

Masterlist

“You cut the purple out of your hair! And you’re so tan!” Namjoon cooed, observing Zara through the laptop screen. Zara chuckled, looking at her own arms. They were indeed, far more tan than they had been two weeks beforehand, and she’d chopped the dead hair off her head days ago.

“That’s what happens when your parents move to Hawaii and decide to live by the beach instead of on-base.”

Namjoon’s lips split into a grin. 

“We miss you,” he said.

Zara’s own lips turned up at the corners. “I miss you, too.”

They chatted for another hour, before Namjoon went quiet, biting his lip. Zara’s eyebrow rose, along with her anxiety.

“What?”

“Do you remember that video Jin-hyung posted to his youtube channel for the project? Of the singing?”

“Yeah?”

“Mr. Lee sent that clip around to an old friend who founded an Entertainment company called BigHit. We didn’t tell you because we didn’t think it would go anywhere, but...”

Zara’s eyebrows had completely disappeared into her hairline.

“But?”

“But he called Mr. Lee back and said he wanted to sign us to BigHit. As an Idol group.”

Namjoon watched the emotions pass over Zara’s face, and was more relieved than he’d like to admit when she settled on amusement and burst out laughing.

“Congratulations, but now I’m going to have to fight off a bunch of thirsty teens that want to sink their teeth into my Soulmates! And Yoongi? An Idol? Jesus, fuck.”

An indignant, “I heard that!” came from the background, and that sent Zara into another fit of laughter.

“BangPD-nim wants to have a meeting with you when you get home, Zara-ssi,” Namjoon said, which quelled Zara’s laughter. “About the Soulmate thing. Jin-hyung’s videos have all been made private already.”

“Ah,” Zara understood now, their hesitance to tell her their news earlier. Idols and boy bands, typically, ‘weren’t allowed,’ to have Soulmates, and if they did, than that Soulmate needed to remain hidden from the public. It wasn’t a very fair rule, and it was a rule that tended to put a lot of stress on relationships, but it was a rule that was intended to keep Soulmates safe.

In the case of Zara and the Seven, there was a bit of a wrench in that plan because of Jin’s YouTube project, which clearly pointed towards Zara being not just the Soulmate of Jin, but all of them. It made sense that their new manager would want to have a meeting with her to figure out what to do.

“Okay,” Zara agreed easily. “So tell me about this new boy band I’m going to have to listen to.”

Namjoon gave Zara a relieved smile and leaned forward.

“So, they’re calling us Bangtan Sonyeodan, BTS for short, and it means...”

xXx

Zara received a flurry of text messages the second she stepped off the airplane in Seoul. Mostly from Yoongi, who, in an All-Caps-Rage was telling her that the choreographers wouldn’t let them go from practice long enough to pick her up.

Zara snorted. Leave it to Yoongi to completely fly off the wall about something as trivial as picking her up from the airport. She’d already known before taking off in Honolulu that her Soulmates wouldn’t actually be there to pick her up from the airport, since Namjoon had been told the day before about the intense choreography lesson, and had told Zara about it. While it meant she didn’t get to see the boys right away, Zara wasn’t too upset by it. BigHit had even been kind enough to send her a ride.

The driver that had been sent, Gunwoo, was a perfect gentleman, putting Zara’s bags in the trunk and chatting with her as they drove. He asked her about school, she told him she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d actually go to school if the boys weren’t going anymore.

“Becoming a citizen won’t be a problem if your boys make it big,” Gunwoo said. Zara smiled.

“Ah, it won’t really be too difficult anyway. I’ve lived here for so long already.”

Gunwoo nodded his head, smiling slightly.

“Now, don’t be nervous about meeting BangPD,” he encouraged as they pulled into the underground parking structure. “He looks tough, but his bark is worse than his bite.”

Zara quirked an eyebrow, smirking. “Oh, I’m not worried about that, either.”

Gunwoo smiled back at her in the rear view mirror, pulling into a spot and letting Zara out. He led her through the building, stopping at the service desk to get Zara an access pass to get in, in the future. Then he brought her up to the top floor of the building, stopping at a door that read “Bang Si Hyuk,” on the nameplate.

“Just come back down to the lobby when you’re done, and I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.

And with those parting words, Gunwoo retreated.

Zara took a deep breath, turned to the door and knocked.

xXx

The silence had stretched on for nearly 20 minutes already, neither Bang Si Hyuk nor Zara willing to start the conversation or to break the staring contest.

Zara, confident despite her less than professional wardrobe of a gray hoodie and black leggings, had her ankle hooked on her knee and an arm propped on the back of the chair she sat on.

BangPD mirrored the posture opposite her, his white dress shirt crisp under his black blazer and tie.

This was a battle of Wills, and both were determined to win. They both knew what he wanted to ask her, but he wanted her to bring it up.

Zara glanced at her watch before raising one eyebrow, tilting her head and lacing her fingers together. BangPD shifted in his seat.

Intimidating men didn’t scare Zara. She could do this all day.

Finally, after another 10 minutes, BangPD cleared his throat.

“Underwood Zara-ssi, I’m aware of your unique situation with Bangtan Sonyeodan, however, those of us at BigHit think it would be beneficial for you to hide that connection from the public eye and separate yourself from the Boys as much as possible.”

“Mm,” Zara straightened her head again, but didn’t move from her lax position. “Hard no. Both of us know Yoongi’s little temper tantrum was a case of Soulmate Separation Syndrome. How is Tae doing? Behaving himself? How about Jungkook?” BangPD shifted in his seat again, but didn’t reply. “It’s been weeks since they’ve seen me, I’m sure they’re absolute joys the be around, all Seven of them.”

More silence. Zara smirked. 

“Would you like to try again?”

He sighed. “It would still be best if your relationship with the boys was kept a secret, for everyone’s safety, but we could hire you on as staff in order to keep you close at hand. Kim Namjoon-ssi says you’re double majoring in Fine Arts and Psychology, and he said you have a knack for languages. That gives us a lot to work with; Makeup for music videos and concerts, counselling the Boys and staff, translating interviews if they make it big after their debut.”

“Keeps me busy, keeps me close.” Zara nodded. Power in the room had shifted to her, she was going to run with it. “Fine.”

BangPD relaxed back into his chair, sighing. He hadn’t told her this, of course he hadn’t, but whether or not the boys stayed on with the company depended on whether or not he and Zara came to an agreement. If she’d said she was out, all Seven of them would have walked out of the program.

“Understand, Zara-ssi, that cover stories only work for so long. Eventually fans will figure out the truth, and when they do, a whole lot of hate will be coming your way.”

“Bang Si Hyuk-ssi, I grew up surrounded by Soldiers and Drill Instructors. I can handle a lot.”

“Ah, Zara-ssi, I hope that’s true in the end.”

xXx

At first, the boys didn’t notice her standing at the door to the dorm that the Seven of them had been sharing, all of them sprawled out, resting or asleep, exhausted from training. From where she stood, she could see that it was a cramped space, barely large enough for two people to live comfortably, let alone Seven. She could see the kitchen, dining room and living room area easily from where she stood, and everything about it shouted disorganized chaos. Jin was probably losing his damn mind.

Still though, there were accents of her in the space already, despite having never been in the dorm. A few pairs of her shoes on the shoe rack, some of her blankets on the small couch, her winter jacket on a hook by the door. They even had a coconut scented candle burning, which made her smile.

When she had, had enough of just looking, she waved her second key card of the day through the air.

“They should be more careful who they hand these out to,” she said, and Jungkook’s head jerked up from the back of the couch, “some horny chick from Hawaii could walk in at any moment.”

Jungkook practically tripped over the half asleep Yoongi to get to Zara.

“Noona!” he dropped to his knees when he reached her and pressed his face into her stomach, arms wrapped around her legs.

“Kookie,” her hands found purchase in his hair, only prompting him to tug her closer.

Jimin was next, Jungkook’s body the only thing stopping him from plowing Zara over as he rushed to get his lips on hers.

“Noona,” he murmured, kissing her repeatedly. Then the rest reached them, and suddenly Zara was at the bottom of a dogpile.

“Fuck,” Yoongi’s voice was rough from sleep as he spoke directly into her ear as Namjoon kissed her next. “Fuck, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Zara grabbed his hair and yanked him into a kiss as well. She felt Hoseok maneuver himself between her thighs.

Taehyung tore Zara’s t-shirt over her head, planting his lips on her collarbone.

For the next several moments, there were hands and lips everywhere as they all recovered from the Separation Syndrome.

Afterwards, Zara cuddled into Jin’s chest, and the rest of her Soulmates found some way to snuggle into her. She was gently scratching her nails over Yoongi’s scalp, almost making him purr.

“As absolutely fucking glorious as this is, we should probably talk shop,” Zara said. She felt Jungkook nod against her right thigh.

“We’re not dropping out of University yet,” he said, attempting to snuggle even closer. “But they wanted us to stick together so they moved us into this dorm. There’s lots of bunk beds in one of the bedrooms, but we left the other bedroom open for you.”

“For me?”

“Mmm,” Taehyung replied against her stomach. “We kind of wanted you to stay with us, if you wanted to. If not all the time, than maybe just every once in a while?”

Zara’s eyes flashed again over the small, cramped space, to her stuff scattered around the dorm. They had wanted her with them so badly while she was gone that they had filled their home with things that reminded them of her, possibly at the risk of not having enough room for themselves.

“What about Ji-yoo?” Zara asked, “Did anyone see if she was okay with you guys stealing her roommate?”

“I did,” Hoseok grinned at her, “she said if you didn’t text her and tell her about all the wild sex we have alone in this dorm than she was going to hunt you down and strangle you.”

Zara’s lips tilted into a smirk.

“That's approval,” she said. “Okay, I’ll move in with you. Now let’s see about making some space in here.”

Zara knew it was the right answer when Yoongi’s arms tightened around her.

@babyboytae1 @snowythellama @bewitch3dforivar @peachy---bangtan

[thedistantstorm]

Come Together 07

Fandom: Destiny

Pairing: Devrim Kay/Marc

Warnings: angst, homophobia, domestic violence (mentioned), wasted tea 

Notes: If you haven’t figured it out yet, for the purposes of this story, Marc is bisexual, and Devrim is homosexual. Bungie doesn’t tell us much besides that they are partners, so this is purely my interpretation.

“A young city planner set his eyes on an older militiaman. He was unkempt and terribly forward. The militiaman had class. He wasn’t interested.”

“Clearly,” Marc tells their friends. “That’s why they decided to get married.”

(A story told in bits and pieces.)

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06

-/

"I'm sorry," Marc says. "For lying. And hurting you. There isn't anyone else."

The roughness of his voice makes Devrim flinch. He's standing there, beside his squadmate's tiny loveseat, and has never felt more out of his depth.

"I'm sorry-"

"None of this is your fault," Marc interrupts. "I did this."

He crouches down beside Marc, well aware that his heart is jackhammering in his chest. "I should have talked to you," Dev prattles on anyway. "Letting it simmer and taking an op certainly didn't help."

"It's fine." 

"Look at me."

Marc shakes his head, his mussed, wavy hair hanging down like curtains to shield his face from his partner's view. Devrim sighs and stands in front of him, dropping back down, taking a knee this time. "It didn't help."

"I could have avoided upsetting you if I just told you, but I didn't, and-"

"We're going to get through this, you and I."

His head rockets up, those sad hazel eyes locking on him and Devrim doesn't know if he wants to pull Marc into his arms and never let him go, fight all of his battles for him, or maybe shed a couple tears himself. It's an unusual reaction for him to have. 

But this relationship is certainly unusual, Devrim thinks. They're not sick of each other - Marc, the charming flirt who never seems to stay in one place for long, and himself - the gentleman who's all about romance until the threat of permanence becomes a noose around his throat.

"Alright?" He gives in to the impulse and encircles Marc with his arms. "Please," He asks, aware of the tremor in his voice. "Let me hold you."

It's not comfortable, Devrim half sitting on Zara's coffee table, leaning over Marc who has curled in on himself. None of this was. It was new and heartbreaking and so terribly raw. Devrim felt horrible for his younger partner, and utterly useless. All he can do is hold onto him, shushing and rocking him as he cries. And he commits himself to it thoroughly.

When his sobs subside heavy, ragged breaths, Devrim smooths back his hair, handing him a handkerchief from his back pocket. "Zara said she took you to get some clothes?"

He nods. 

"Good. When you're ready, we'll go back to my place and figure this all out, alright?"

"Okay," He agrees softly, but his grip on Devrim gets tighter and the militiaman takes it as a step in the right direction.

-/

Marc won't sleep. Won't eat. Devrim gets him home and the other man just stares off at nothing, his eyes red and glazed. The occasional tremors he sees suggests Marc would still be crying, assuming he had any tears left to cry.

He'd hoped that Marc might want to lie down, let Devrim coax him into sleep. But he refused, sitting at a stool in the kitchen, watching the tea Devrim had made them both go cold in his hands. Wouldn't come to the couch, at least get comfortable.

Now, Devrim has a sneaking suspicion why, but he doesn't like it. "Marc, you should sleep, before we have this discussion," He says.

He makes a sad little smile into his tea. "All the chamomile in the world couldn't relax me enough," He admits, with an off-kilter laugh that seems more like a sob. "Dev, I won't sleep. I'll just lay awake."

"If you're sure." He sets about fixing a different kind of tea. Not chamomile. When he pries the mug from Marc's fingers, he lingers, his fingers resting over Marc's.

There is no response, no movement from the younger man until another mug of tea - piping hot chai - is placed in front of him.

"It's not espresso, but it'll have to do."

"It's fine," He answers dully.

Silence reigns as Devrim also takes a seat at the kitchen island on a perpendicular stool. Marc inhales, looking down into the dark liquid.

"I lied to my mother. And you," He begins, not looking up.

Devrim nods.

Marc sighs. "Before, I only ever brought home women I was seeing," He begins. "Not like I made it a point to see them often, or like I enjoyed seeing them." He taps the mug, brows pulling together as he thinks. "I created this 'Margaret' person, to keep them from asking questions. I went with a girl named Margaret once. We went to school together. She lives on the other side of the City now. No one ever had to know."

There's a moment of tentative silence before Devrim reaches for his hands - a hand, something - but Marc shakes his head. Dev withdraws, clenching his fists.

"I always thought that I'd fall for a woman, and then I could just keep it to myself."

"That's not the way, Marc. You shouldn't have to-"

"No," He agrees. "I shouldn't. But it is what it is. It wasn't worth upsetting my parents." He lets go of the mug of tea, looking up into his partner's blue gaze. "I could handle it, y'know?"

"Marc…"

"Let me finish," He begs. "I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to get through the conversation. I was going to explain it the second we'd gotten through the interaction, I swear."

"I know."

"You didn't at the time," Marc presses. "You looked at me like I'd stolen the sun from the sky, Devrim. Like I'd punched you in the gut."

"You're right," He agrees, lips thinning. He takes a sip of his tea to steady himself. "That is… close, to what it felt like."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"I forgive you." Devrim answers immediately. "I just needed to cool off. I - your body language bothered me, but it - I'm not normally so irrational," He finally admits. "Never, to be honest. Normally I'd see right through it, and yet all I could think about was that there was someone else. I'm not - those things happen, Marc. Normally, it's no hard feelings, rejection stings, sure, but it doesn't waylay me." He exhales. "I'm terrible at keeping suitors around when I care for them. It's never them, I just.” The truth is heavy on his tongue. “Permanence leaves a lot of room for error, you understand."

There is a sort of hope that grips Marc then, like a small spot of sun in a rainstorm. Devrim reaches for his hands again, and this time they link together in a messy pile.

"I want to be with you, if you will have me," Devrim says, and Marc nods, his overused tear ducts managing to find themselves functional again. "Don't cry, darling. I'm liable to as well." They both manage watery smiles, not lasting long at all, but the warmth seems to find its way back into the room. "Now tell me what happened. Zara said-"

He squeezes Devrim's hands and withdraws. "They disowned me," He admits softly, detached. "I knew it was coming. I think," He takes a pull from his mug, flinching at the taste, "I think I always knew."

Devrim crosses his arms. "That isn't right."

"I mean, it didn't really bother me. I called, told my ma you were my partner. She didn't get it. She got it when I used the word boyfriend. You'd have thought I told her I was a serial killer. Asked me when I 'turned,'" He quotes. "If you turned me."

He sets the mug down. "She never knew. Raised me, pushed me from her womb and neither her or my dad had a single clue." He gestures to his chest. "Nobody turned me. This has always been who I am."

"I get it."

"I hung up on her when she started with the slurs. She doesn't understand. She's never understood." He bangs his hand on the counter top. "She and my dad came over, after. Started carrying on in the hall when I didn't let them in. So I did. Let them in." He looks to Devrim. "I-I didn't want the neighbors to phone in a domestic. And I paid for it."

"The apartment is bad," Marc continues, strained. "I don't think I want to live there anymore." 

"We'll figure it out," Devrim presses. "You need to sleep on it."

Marc shakes his head, having already made up his mind. "I don't want them to know where I live." He puffs out his cheeks, then pushes the air from them slowly. "They can say what they want about me. They made me. I guess they have the right-"

"That isn't how it works at a-"

"But then they started calling you a faggot and I lost it. You didn't do anything. My mother thought you were wonderful right up until she knew you were interested in me romantically. I'm not-if it was just me, that'd be okay. But when I got in her face, told her she'd overstayed her welcome, my father threw his drink at me. Broke the glass on the kitchen floor."

"He didn't-"

"No."

"Good."

"I realize I look like hell, and now's probably not the best time to convince anyone otherwise, but I'm not broken, Dev. I know I'm not."

Devrim rises, coming around behind his emotionally battered man, hugging him fiercely. "No. You're not broken, Marc. Shame on them for insinuating otherwise."

"My father wondered if it was something curable. I like women, too, so no one would have to know, if I just kept to seeing women. It got," He swallows. "I told them to fuck off. And then when he really started throwing things, I knew it wasn't going to work. Not like this."

"I understand," Devrim says, swaying gently in their embrace. "I'm sorry you're going through this. Perhaps they'll come around."

"I'm not holding my breath," Marc replies, mumbling.

"Do you regret it?" Devrim asks.

Marc rises slowly, tired and unbalanced. "I'm sad. Angry. Hurt." His lips tremble, but he gives Devrim his best attempt at a smile. "But it's kind of nice not to hold it in anymore. Even if it didn't come up often, I don't want to pretend."

"Nor should you have to," Devrim agrees.

"Do you mind if I take the couch until I sort things out?"

 Devrim sweeps him up in a romantic carry. "We'll talk terms in the morning. There is a perfectly good bed we can share, so long as you are willing."

[jadeisthecooliest92]

Some Lovin’- A Brandon Arreaga One Shot

Hi all!

I’ve recently started getting into PrettyMuch and decided to write some stuff about them.

Please let me know what you think and maybe I’ll even start doing more and open up requests?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Green eyes scanned the living room full of people, mostly strangers as Sophia desperately looked for her best friend Zara.

Trying her best to shimmy through the sweaty bodies dancing to the music blasting off the walls, she sighed and held her red plastic cup in a death grip.

These types of parties were not her scene but as always, she fell victim to Zara's puppy dog eyes.

Finally getting to the kitchen, she slipped out the back door to the pool area that still held a lot of people but definitely less than inside.

Sipping the drink from her cup, she once again began to search for her friend, keeping her eyes out for her signature sleek black hair tied into a high ponytail.

She had almost given up hope until she spotted her, though she seemed a bit preoccupied judging by the guy attached to her mouth.

Laughing quietly and sending her friend encouraging thoughts, Sophia decided to chill and lean against the wall, nodding her head slowly to the beat from inside.

It's not that she was a prude, far from it but she just tended to be a bit shyer than her counterpart.

While Z could talk herself into any crowd, Sophia stood back and usually waited to be invited or noticed, that's just how their friendship was and it was perfect for her.

Pushing a stray piece of hair from her face, she enjoyed the end of her drink and pushed away from the wall in search of another.

Before she had made her way back inside, she was suddenly blocked by a tall body.

Almost stumbling back in surprise, she looked up at the persons face and relaxed slightly.

"Zion, you almost gave me a heart attack."

The dreaded boy grinned sleepily and reached a hand over, ruffling her hair as she scowled and swatted his hand away.

"Sorry shorty, I just couldn't help notice you over here looking all lost and shit. Wanna come smoke with me?"

Letting out a quiet laugh, she nodded and followed her friend to a more secluded area of the garden, her shoulders tensing a little when she noticed a few people she didn't recognize look their way.

"Someone pass me that shit so I can mellow shorty out."

While she didn't appreciate Zions taunts, she knew he meant well. The two had become unlikely friends over the last year from working together in music studios.

Sophia was a lyricist and composer working with lots of L.A based artists and she had met Zion and his group at one of the crowds parties.

They had all instantly got along, hanging out every once in a while when their schedules allowed it.

Smelling the familiar scent of weed, Sophia was snapped from her memories and accepted the rollie from her friends hands, not even hesitating to inhale deeply, her eyes closing and her nerves finally easing.

She passed it back to Zion and sat beside him cross-legged on the grass, her empty cup discarded as she leaned back onto her arms.

"So lil mama, why did I find you wandering around alone? Where's Z?"

Shrugging her shoulders, she relaxed and stared up at the dark sky, no signs of stars because of the light pollution from the city.

"You know I don't vibe like a lot of people here, I'm happy chilling alone, plus my girl seemed to be preoccupied with some dude."

Laughing, Zion offered her another hit but she shook her head and let him pass it to someone else in the group.

"So Z's getting some lovin', what about you?"

She scoffed and looked to her friend, raising a brow.

"I'm not the person that gets approached at parties, Zion and you know that."

"I know someone who would like to give you a lil sum sum."

He shoved her lightly and she noticed a shit eating grin fall onto his features.

"I know that fucking look, don't even think about--"

She was cut off when the guy stood suddenly and ran off like a giggling four year old, in search of what, she had no idea.

When he hadn't returned in a few minutes, she grumbled to herself and lay flat on the grass, eyes closing as she started contemplating finding Z again and dragging her home.

"You know, talking to yourself is a sign of losing your mind, right?"

She was surprised to hear someone speak to her as she opened one of her eyes to see who it was.

Her heart almost flew into her mouth as she looked up to see it was none other than Brandon Arreaga, one of Zions band mates who she was low key feeling from the day she met him.

The two had never hung out alone but they had spent hours together in studio with the others writing songs.

"It's a good thing I'm already aware of the fact I've lost my mind."

He flashed her a smile and offered her one of the cups he had in his hands.

She sat up and took it from him, thanking him quietly as she watched him join her on the grass.

Suddenly, Sophia was very aware of everything around her. She could smell his aftershave and he was close enough that his body heat radiated towards her.

Taking a sip from the cup, she paused and glanced at the handsome guy to her right.

He still had that smile on his face as he casually glanced back at her, eyes flashing with mischief.

"So Soph, what's up? You enjoying the party?"

She shrugged and looked down at her hands, fiddling with the plastic between them.

"Sure, I always enjoy these parties."

He laughed an almost snort and nudged her gently.

"Don't lie, come on you can tell me if you're not feeling it."

She chewed the inside of her cheek before letting out a sigh, a small grin playing on her lips.

"Alright, you caught me. I'm not exactly having the best night but Z is enjoying herself so I'm not going to whine and I'll take one for the team so she can have fun."

Brandon didn't say much for a minute as he studied her face, making her almost blush.

"Well, what would help you have fun?"

She didn't hear the underlying tone in his question and simply shrugged, not having much of an answer.

"Cause y'know, a little birdie told me..."

She almost spit out her drink as she scowled across the garden, her eyes scanning for Zion above the heads.

"That little birdie needs to watch himself or he might get de-feathered."

She was pulled from her murderous thoughts as an arm slid across her shoulders.

Turning her head quickly, Sophia almost instantly regretted all of her life choices as Brandon's beautiful, rich brown eyes stared at her intensely.

"I'm just sayin', you were over here alone and I approached you."

She thought back to her conversation with Zion and didn't know whether to thank him or bury him six feet under.

"Yeah but that's because Zion probably paid you to" she joked and licked her lips nervously.

Brandon inched his face closer to hers, eyes still boring holes into her own.

"Don't do that."

She frowned and raised a brow "Do what?"

"Don't play off your insecurities as jokes against yourself."

She didn't know what to say, no one had ever called her out on her bullshit before.

"You're beautiful, funny, talented and you need to learn to be more confident."

Her face was definitely red now, she could feel it. Brandon was speaking so honestly to her and she felt vulnerable.

The dark haired singer set his cup aside and brought his now free hand up to her cheek, gently running his thumb across her warm skin.

She noticed him leaning in even more, his eyes flickering to her lips as if asking permission.

After a moment of holding her breath, Sophia glanced off behind Brandon where their stupid pineapple head friend stood, cheering them both on.

Rolling her eyes, she felt Brandon turn her gaze back to him and time seemed to stop before he whispered between the two "Fuck it."

Just like that, their lips collided in a kiss that could only be described as an explosion.

Hands became entangled in hair as their bodies pressed closer together, both of them completely drowning in each other.

After what seemed like minutes, the two pulled apart enough to catch their breath.

Neither of them spoke, they simply stared at each other with new eyes.

As Brandon opened his mouth to speak, they were interrupted by Zion obnoxiously throwing himself on top of them both, causing them to groan in protest, everyone's alcohol spilling onto the grass.

"GET SOME LOVIN' SHORTY."

[infcrnos]

@keytoyourheart

{ +･ﾟ✧ ARON PIPER, HE/HIM | there’s no way the killer doesn’t know who ( JOAQUIN CORONA ) is. even i know they’re a ( JUNIOR ) studying ( ARCHITECTURE ) and known as ( THE HELLION ). they’re ( 21 ) years old and i think everyone knows they’re the ( PRESIDENT ) of ( PHI ETA BETA ). one time their phone went off in class and it was ( SAME DAMN TIME ) by ( FUTURE ). }

intangible, enigmatic, hellraiser, rebellious, the spontaneous insurgent, one who runs and has no problem never turning back, would rather be somewhere nobody knows, easier to be an asshole than to come to terms with any of his feelings. he hides in plain sight. everyone thinks they know him but he only shows what he wants. it’s easier like that.

everyone calls him key

whispers he’s an aquarius 

he is currently bicurious

two older sisters are super studious and rational/responsible

luna “lu” fuentes, twenty-nine

emilia “mila” fuentes, twenty-four

he is more of a partier, risk-taker, knows what he wants to do with his life but he isnt academically drive like he gets his shit done but totally a procrastinator, is more into going with the flow

is the youngest of the three corona kids

he was the closest to his father, santiago corona, who died a few years earlier

parents split up when key was 

key is also really close to his paternal grandmother

mother, lourdes cicci byrne; has a hard time with key because hes a lot like his father

hes not super close with his sisters because of a few reasons, but they are just a lot different than him

luna is pretty stuck-up “like her mother

values education and power over relationship

key and luna dont get along because she always make him feel dumb and he never takes her situations seriously

they have had a step-father since he was 9

vincent byrne. they get along, have had more heart to hearts than he and his own mother have

corona siblings have a half sister

julia byrne, 14 years old

she is everything to key, they get along the best

he gets along least wtih mila

mila looks out for him though and will be most helpful when he really needs it or he least expects it despite their major differences

many things have contributed to their estranged relationship

she feels like he was always dads favorite and is hurt by it even though shes unaware that he (dad) was proud of her because she never voiced how she felt

luna was always closest with the mother so mila often felt like an outcast

key had sex with one of milas college friends on her birthday; the only time key had ever been invited to one of her parties and she regretted it right after

he is impulsive and low key sensitive and he will gladly 

he’s definitely a hell raiser and is basically a man child

he is working on being more empathetic i guess??? he overthinks a lot of things but usually his reaction to a situation is like the opposite of how hes feeling??? like a defense mechanism. i think he’s just hurting a lot and doesn’t know how to properly vent it or doesnt want to talk about it even though its always on his mind

the problematic fave and by problematic fave i mean his emotions are so up and down that he has a hard time taking himself seriously so he just DOESNT but has a great heart and his friends are his family because his relationship with his family isnt great (minus step father, kinda) but he’s a sweetieeee and low key SOFT

he is v aggressive though like he is most likely to start the fight and end it

he is least likely to remember ur name

and definitely has his frat letters tatted on his ass

he also makes music!!!! the basement of phi eta beta is where he makes his beats and stuff its kind of a hidden talent so

some quotes

“i talk a lot, so i’ve learned to just tune myself out.”

“the breadsticks are like crack.”

“i just think tadpoles are funky lil’ dudes.”

“who does a bitch have to kiss around here to get a cream soda?“

“oh, sorry! you can continue. don’t let me distract you.” *unintentionally making loud noises, dropping things, being generally distracting*

“drunk people don’t feel pain!”

“i was just hiding behind witticism to mask the resentment of an unfulfilled childhood.” followed by an awkward laugh to make it seem like he’s joking.

“sadly, it appears our phalluses have lead us astray.”

connections!!!

ride or die AND we make music bitchhh:

fwb

we’re homies and we tell each other things that most people have to beg for us to tell them also when you’re too drunk so i take you home also when we’re both really drunk we fuck but i bring u home after and it aint even that serious and if anyone wants to fight u send them my way

best friends fuhevaaaa

really close because of charlie: zara

enemies!!! because key wants all the static

enemies or misunderstood one another turned homies

party friends that just get really messed up together

ex gf, he cheated: jessa

i will just keep making fun of you because i hate you

other exes

the boy he likes???? 

guy he hooked up with and is like omg u make me question everything and now i’m trying to avoid u but i keep staring

unrequited or they think its unrequited 

his ex’s best friend that he hooked up with idk

somebody who knew his dad???

teammates bc i think ill put him on the soccer team

enemies but only because assumptions they’ve made about one another but now a creepy guy is hitting on you so im going to pretend im your boyfriend

they’re not really friends but get put into a situation where they realize they have more in common than they thought or are kinda friends but neither really ever want to admit it???

secret friends or secret lovers

we’re stuck in this elevator i guess we should talk about our life stories

omg i had sex with your sibling and you saw me naked that one time accidentally this is awkward

our exes are on a date so lets go on a date??? and/or help me make this person jealous

his big

in the same frat but hate each other

we go on adventures together

childhood friends

we both hate that person

key will protect at all costs

you’re the opposite of me and yet here we are

someone he practices soccer with???

someone who is genuinely good for him like so wholesome and makes him do sweet lil things unintentionally

[godlydolans]

Blind Hope (3)

"Whoa! What happened?!" You enter your place, eyes full of tears and cheeks wet from all those that fell. You don't notice that you aren't alone in the flat until you hear your room mate and good friend, Anna's voice. "What's wrong, Y/N?!"

She gets up from the couch, the bowl of popcorn she was munching on, forgotten at the coffee table as she walks to you. You let the door close behind you, shrugging at her question because that is all you have energy for.

Anna doesn't say anything about your lack of speech, instead she places both hands on your shoulders and guides you to the couch. Once you slump on it, she rushes to the kitchen and fills a glass with water, coming back to your side in no time. As you drink the whole thing, she sits beside you with her hand rubbing your shoulder in reassurance. You are glad that she doesn't ask anything and lets you cry some more, only wrapping her arms around you as you weep. Ever since you left the twins' house, you have felt nothing but guilt for the way you spoke to Ethan.

It was the first time in months that you saw each other and he was trying to be a good friend by trying to help you with your wounded hand, you on the other hand couldn't have been a bigger bitch to him. The thought alone makes a broken sob fall from your lips and you bury your face in your palm, wanting to disappear for a few hours.

Or days.

Months would be nice too.

"Did you see Ethan?" Anna finally asks, her hand now placed on your head, fingers running through your hair. "Babe?"

You take a shaky breath and nod your head, never lifting your head from your hands.

"Did you talk?"

You laugh bitterly at that question your head lifting from your hands and you wipe your cheeks with the back of your sleeve. "More like screamed."

Anna's eyes widen a bit. "You fought?!"

You simply nod, eyes fixed on the damned finger that is still throbbing even though the bleeding has stopped. You are yet to tend to this cut that he indirectly gave you but you can't care less about it at the moment.

Anna's gaze also lands on your finger and she frowns. She wordlessly gets up again and goes to grab the first aid box that is always kept in one of the kitchen cabinets because both you and Anna are very prone to cuts from the knives on the rare occasions you decide to cook instead of ordering takeout.

"It's pretty deep." She points out, sitting beside you and taking your hand in hers. The moment is so similar to the one you just shared with Ethan not too long ago and the memory causes you to close your eyes as the pain hits you again. "How did this happen, Y/N?"

So you take a deep breath to steady yourself and launch into the story telling mode. You tell her everything that happened at their house and she listens attentively like she always does. When it's all done, you shed a few more tears and that frustrates you because you had promised yourself that you wouldn't cry over Ethan.

Gritting your teeth, you bring your balled fist down on the couch with force, "Why am I crying?! I hate crying!"

"Why are you crying?" Anna asks, her tone serious and you know she is scavenging for a truthful answer.

"Because I hurt him." It's as simple as that. You are hurt because you hurt him.

"Isn't that what he does too? All the time? He hurts you all the freaking time, Y/N." Anna reasons with you, her eyes flashing with anger at the mention of Ethan. She absolutely despises him solely because you hurt because of him.

"Yeah, but he doesn't do it intentionally!" You defend him like it's second nature to you. No matter how much you say you hate him, you can't bare it when someone talks ill of him. "I did it intentionally, I knew my words were hurting him and I still said them."

Anna smiles and shakes her head once. "And now you're defending him."

No matter how much you want to deny that, you can't lie. You can rarely ever hide anything from Anna anyway. "Don't know what I'm doing, really."

"Why didn't you just grow a pair and tell him that you lo-"

"He has a girlfriend, Anna!"

"Yeah! He has a girlfriend and he still basically confessed that he has feelings for you!" Anna exclaims, her hands thrown in the air before she brings them down on her thighs. "This silly behaviour of yours is really fucking stupid on a magnanimous level! Both of you have obvious feelings for one another but neither one can admit it to the other. What are you guys even waiting for?!"

It is pretty evident that Anna and even Grayson have had enough of your and Ethan's obliviousness when it comes to your guys' feelings. Grayson just doesn't make it so blatantly obvious like Anna just has. She absolutely hates it when you come home crying or when you shut yourself inside your room, not wanting to socialise with anyone because you're in your pathetic feels again. She keeps telling you that all this heartbreak and pain can be avoided if you just tell Ethan that you have feelings for him.

You always tell her that you can't do that because there is no way in heaven and hell combined that Ethan feels the same for you and you'd rather not face the pain that comes with rejection. But recent events are making you question his feelings for you. Everything he said today sounded a lot like he was trying to tell you something that he couldn't put in direct words. But you are not going to assume anything anymore. He either tells you that he likes you or he never talks to you again. There will be no in between anymore.

There is a moment of silence where Anna bandages your fingers for you while you close your eyes and lean your head back on the couch. You don’t want to think at all. You don’t want to think about Ethan and what he could be doing right now. Could he possibly be thinking about you too? What about Grayson? You were supposed to make him soup.

All these conflicting emotions paired with your crying have tired you out and you don’t remember when you fall asleep.

*

“You broke up with her?” Grayson doesn’t mean to sound so giddy with happiness but he can’t help the excitement that is so evident in his tone when he asks his elder brother about his current relationship status.

Ethan just shrugs his shoulders, eyes trained on the ceiling of his brother's room as his hand plays with his hair. The only thing in his mind is the girl that just walked out on him, he doesn’t know what he should do to get her to come back to him.

“Why?” Grayson asks.

“I don’t know why I was with her in the first place.” Is the vague reply Ethan gives.

“What do you mean?”

“Just shut up, Grayson.” Ethan whispers, hoping his brother will stay mum with all these questions because he is not ready to answer them any time soon. Ethan doesn’t know what he means or what he feels or whom he feels for. He is completely lost because the only person that can bring him out of this lost state isn’t talking to him.

He has always had trouble expressing his feelings and sometimes even coming to terms with what all he is feeling. Ethan always had you by his side at times like these, but this time you were the root cause of his problem and you have decided to stop talking to him.

"What can I do to get her back, Gray?" He asks Grayson, feeling utterly defeated and ready to accept it in front of the whole damn world if it means he can have you back.

Grayson sighs, sad to see the state his brother is in and reaches over to pat his shoulder. "Just call her and tell her you love her. Simple." He really wishes it was that simple for Ethan, but it sadly isn't.

As Grayson had expected, Ethan scoffs and moves his gaze from the ceiling, fixing his gaze on his twin. "Have you lost it? I don't love Y/N."

"Ethan-" Grayson starts with a very agitated tone. He is not patient enough to make his stupid brother realise that he is in love with his best friend. Neither does he have the energy to debate with a very stubborn Ethan. "How fucking stupid can you be, honestly?! Why else are you almost going to cry because she is mad at you? Why do you care that much for her?"

Ethan just stares at Grayson as if he's lost his mind and needs to be transferred to a mental asylum as soon as possible. He'd always suspected his younger twin was a little cuckoo in the head, but this was just confirming the theory all the more.

"Because she is my best friend and I love her, Grayson. That doesn't mean that I'm-"

Grayson abruptly stands up now, towering over Ethan, "I can't argue with you, bro. You'll come to your senses on your own, I just hope that happens soon or you might be too late."

*

"What do you think about this?" Anna grabs a black top by the hanger and holds it to her body, cocking her head to the side as she asks your opinion.

"It's cute." You nod for head as a sign of approval, "It will go will with those new jeans you bought."

Today is a Sunday and you have been in the mall with Anna for easily an hour now. Both of you already have shopping bags from three other shops and you now are sorting through different clothes in Zara for the most fashionable pieces. This is strangely therapeutic too. You're thankful for that.

It's been three days since you spoke to either of the twins and you've spent all those days with Anna and sometimes some of your other girl friends. Having an all girls time has been good. You were at the bowling alley day before yesterday and that was a fun night. Yesterday you watched some documentary on the Russian Royal family with Anna and that was really interesting too.

All in all, you are fine. Things are okay. As okay as they can be.

It isn't long before you and Anna are leaving Zara with a forth bag added to your increasing pile and you spot a Sephora few feet away from you.

Anna looked at you with gleaming eyes, silently asking you if you wanna go in and you simply smile back. "It's gonna be our last shopping spree of 2018. Let's go ham!"

It's in the middle of swatching and playing with new eyeshadows that Anna asks you about your plans for New Year's Eve.

Her question makes you pause and think about your pretty non existent plans for New Year's. You usually spent it with the twins whenever they decided to celebrate in LA and not in Jersey with their family. Hell, you've even celebrated one New Year's Eve at their parents' house with them. This year though, you don't think you'll be with them.

"I'm...I'm free." You look at Anna and she easily catches the sadness that has loomed back into your eyes. She offers you a smile and she may not have meant to be too obvious, but you can tell it leans towards sympathetic. You hate these pitiful looks that you get from people these days. You are too fed up of playing the sad, depressed girl who is always crying over a guy. Oh, just get a grip, Y/N!

"Do you have something in mind?"

****

It is the last day of the year and usually Ethan would have been getting ready to go to a party or throwing one at his own place, but tonight he's in no mood to celebrate the end of this year.

He's just laying down on the couch with his eyes fixed on his phone screen. There is a beautiful view of the pool and the setting sun right ahead of him, but he doesn't even lift his gaze up from his phone once.

Ethan has been going through his photo gallery for a while now and he doesn't even remember why he decided to do it in the first place. Maybe the goal was to delete all the pictures he has of him and Emma now that they aren't together anymore, or maybe he just misses a certain someone too much to the point where seeing their face alone makes him feel somewhat better. Even though he's seeing you through the screen of his phone.

It's still better than not seeing you at all.

He found one where you were sleeping, your hair covering most of your face and you were frowning cutely. He was trying to get a video of you while he played with the ends of your curled hair, but had ended up accidentally clicking a picture instead. It had turned out really good and he had decided to save it without your knowledge.

Then there was one where you were munching on a rather large slice of pizza and Ethan had taken out his phone discretely to click a picture, but you had seen his sneaky ass and had lifted a middle finger while the other hand still held the pizza to your mouth. Ethan smiles at the picture. You look so beautiful and the sun hits your face almost perfectly.

And the one he is currently looking at might just be the most beautiful thing he has seen in a long while. He had taken you to a very fancy restaurant for your birthday against all your protests of not spending so much money on a dinner. You were both immaculately dressed, Ethan wearing a black suit while you had a beautiful burgundy dress on. You looked drop dead gorgeous that night and he remembers how his heart had skipped a few beats when he had laid eyes on you, something that was not a usual occurrence for Ethan.

You had had a great time at the restaurant. Your meals were delicious and he remembers you had even fed him some of your food when he's asked-more like demamded- to try it. An old couple sitting next to you had even complimented you. 'You two make a beautiful young couple, darlings.' They had said. Ethan had laughed then, immediately correcting their mistake and he hasn't noticed the blush that had coated your cheeks at the couple's words. He only realises now how he had missed so many other signs that you may have thrown his way.

After he had paid, you two had left the restaurant with joined hands swinging back and forth, both of you wearing beaming smiles on your faces. Ethan had taken a picture right outside the restaurant. His one arm had come to wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest while his other hand held his phone to take a selfie. You had placed your palm on his chest, tucked cosily into his side you had your eyes fixed on Ethan, not caring about the camera trained on you. You couldn't look away when he looked so radiant with pure joy, his eyes sparkling under the lights from the board of the restaurant in the background.

"Say cheese?" Ethan had said jokingly and you had laughed, causing him to look down at you and he'd found you smiling up at him. That smile had really derailed his train of thoughts and it had taken him a moment to remind himself to breath. That is when the picture was taken.

Two best friends completely lost in each other's eyes, smiling at each other like they couldn't be happier to be together. Now that he has been looking at this picture for a few minutes, zooming in on your face every few seconds, he can't help but notice how you two really do look like a couple. Like those love sick couple, the definition of young love, those that he often makes fun of when you force him to watch a romance movie with you, to your great displeasure, leading to a long argument about love and whatnot.

He only does it because he loves to rile you up and watch you get so agitated with him. It all usually ends with him getting a few pillows smacked to the face but he loves it none the less.

He loves you none the less.

How could he have been so stupid? How did he not realise earlier that he loves you and that you love him back?

"Are you done gawking at that picture or do you need a few more hours?" Ethan turns at Grayson's voice who stands behind the couch with his hands in the pockets of his sweats. He is looking down at his brother with a cocky smile and Ethan feels like Grayson will go 'I told you so' any minute now. But instead, Grayson says, "I know where she is, do you wanna go?"

Ethan's heart speeds up at the question. Seeing her means he confesses his feelings for her. What will happen then? What if she doesn't forgive him for his stupidity?

"Ethan?" Grayson calls him when he doesn't answer. One look at the picture that is now his lock screen, Ethan knows what he wants to do.

"Let's go."

****

The cold breeze feels good on your face, doing a great job at clearing your head and making it a little easier to breath in this congested place. The party has only started an hour ago and it's already in full swing, the house of your friend is packed with people you know and some that you've never met in your life. After almost an hour of walking around socialising with people, you felt like it would be an excellent idea to step out onto the balcony which has been looking inviting to you for a long time.

Grabbing a glass of water, you do exactly that after you catch Anna's eye among a group of people huddled into a corner and nod your head in the direction of the balcony, letting her know that you'll be there. The balcony is thankfully devoid of humans, no foul smell of smoke in the air because it's too cold for anyone to come out here. You stand with your arms resting on the metal railing. The black dress that you chose to wear tonight only goes till your mid thigh and you thank yourself for grabbing your coat before leaving home. Your legs are covered with the black thigh high boots you borrowed from Anna for tonight and your outfit aptly represents your mood.

Black.

Being surrounded by all these people who are here with their loved ones makes you feel empty inside because you have neither of the twins with you. The two people who mean the absolute world to you are not here with you like they always have been.

And it's all your fault.

The one long hour you spent here among people you hardly know has made you realise what you should have done a long time ago. You should know better than anyone else that people don't get to choose who they fall for. It isn't up to anyone, it just happens on its own. You didn't mean to fall for Ethan but you did anyway. Ethan didn't fall for you because he doesn't feel the same way for you. Sure that hurts, but you can't put all the blame on him. It's not his fault that he doesn't feel the love that you feel for him because he can't control something like love.

How could you be so stupid? You literally got mad at Ethan and stopped talking to him for something he couldn't even control. You can't force him to love you back. You can't lose Ethan over something pointless as this. He is too special to you, your friendship is something you value more than anything else. You can't lose him or Grayson and you didn't realise that you were doing just that by being a stubborn little idiot.

But now you do and you will fix this mess that you have created.

Fishing out your phone from your clutch, you waste on time in going to Ethan's contact and starting to type the first words of your little apology note.

*

"Please bro, drive a little faster. I need to get to her before midnight." Ethan's leg bounces in its place as he anxiously looks out of the window. Los Angeles is lit up and everyone is celebrating in one way or another. That also means the roads are jam packed. They just started moving after being stuck in traffic for a good fifteen minutes and Ethan is getting restless by the second.

"We're gonna reach in five minutes. Don't worry." Grayson reassures his brother.

Ethan just nods once, not looking away from all the buildings they are passing. He has been practising what he will say to you once he sees you. There is so much he needs to say, so much he needs to apologise for. That is when he hears the ding of his phone. Opening it, he sees a message from you and immediately opens it.

Hey. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour these past few months. I love you and I miss you. Just know that our friendship means a lot to me and I just want to see you happy, no matter who you're happy with. Hope we can look past everything and get back to how we used to be. Happy New Year, E.

As soon as he's done reading your message, Grayson stops the car in front of a house and Ethan all but bolts out of it. He rings the doorbell and doesn't even bother to look who opened the door. He just rushes in, eyes searching for you in this huge crowd. He spots Anna in a corner and she immediately points to the balcony without him even saying anything. Everyone around him has already started the countdown as the clock nears 12 o'clock.

Ethan pushes against people to reach the balcony, now seeing a girl wearing all black standing with her back facing him. He can tell it's you.

"2!" Everyone yells around him as he slides the glass doors open, causing you to turn to see who stepped out. Your eyes widen when they land on him, being caught completely off guard because you didn't expect to see him here.

"Ethan?"

He takes two strides with his long legs, closing the gap between you for good. His palms hold your cheeks and he plants his warm lips on yours before you can even close your eyes. The loud voices of people wishing each other a happy New Year is nothing but a background sound. You don't even take notice of all the fireworks that are lighting up the sky around you. All you can concentrate on, is Ethan.

His lips feel so soft and heavenly against yours. He kisses you so sweetly like he is pouring out every emotion, every unspoken word, every apology into this kiss. Words are never required with you, you understand him even when he doesn't speak. His hand trails down to your waist, pulling you closer than you already are. The other one cupping the back of your neck as he deepens the kiss. Your fists around the collar of his black shirt tightens as your breathing picks up along with your heart beat.

Hearts beating loudly and cheeks pink from not just the cold, you two pull away slowly. His eyes have this amazing spark to them as he gazes down at you. Your cheeks are burning as you break the intense eye contact, not being able to believe that this just happened.

"I, uh.." He trails off, suddenly forgetting everything he had rehearsed in the car. "I love you, Y/N. I'm in love with you."

Tears gather in your eyes at the words you've died to hear from him for so long, "I love you too! So much." Ethan's happiness knows no bounds as he pulls you in for another kiss.

[rambunctiousreader]

Topics I just need to touch on from Lord of Shadows (MAJOR SPOILER ALERT)

Emma and Julian

- I’m really glad their friendship went back to normal after some time. The distance between them was unlike them at all and I hated it. I know it was necessary because they both had to process how things had changed between them, but that doesn’t mean I liked reading it.

- Okay so I think the curse is seriously coming into play here. Cassie never outwardly says that the curse is already occurring, but she drops multiple hints throughout the book. For one, all of a sudden, Emma and Julian can communicate telepathically. I don’t know but I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen. Also, um, they caught a STONE building on fire?! Stone? All-powerful runes? Ring a bell?????

- During the church scene and many, many other scenes, there’s so much sexual tension between Emma and Julian. Literally. I think there’s more in LOS than LM because at this point they’ve had sex and seen that intimate side of each other. At this point, they both have privately acknowledged that they are in love with the other. I think that plays a huge role in their relationship and how it has evolved since Lady Midnight.

- That huge fight that they had when they were staying at Malcolm’s cottage literally broke me. I was on the verge of crying while reading that. I’m just glad that it didn’t take long for them to make up.

- Their conversation about the Shadowhunter family mottos BAHAHAHAHA

- This is their second sex scene and honestly I loved it so much. It was so perfect. I almost burst into tears crying when Emma admitted to Julian that she’d been lying about her relationship with Mark.

- Emma still hasn’t told Julian that she loves him and I keep wondering if this is an important detail that will be used in QoAaD. Am I the only one who noticed this?

Diana Wrayburn

- It’s not like I hated Diana in Lady Midnight, I just didn’t know her very well and didn’t see the depth of her character. Once I read her backstory, I grew to love her. She is such a strong person and honestly I just want to be her best friend.

- Diana and Gwyn? Um, can you say hella cute couple?

- Once Cassie told us that there would be a transgender character reveal in Lord of Shadows, I knew from the start that it would be Diana. In Lady Midnight, it talks about how she has lots of secrets and a dark past. We knew that she’d been through a lot, so it wasn’t a huge surprise for me, but still a monumental moment in the book nonetheless. 

- Summed up into four words, I can say “I love Diana Wrayburn!”

Kit Herondale

- From the moment we found out in Lady Midnight that Kit is the Lost Herondale, I knew that he would be an interesting character to read about. I was not disappointed.

- It’s truly heartwarming to watch Kit grow from a person who is denying himself as a Shadowhunter and the culture of the Shadowhunters to fully embracing it and finding a home with the Blackthorns. That scene where they’re fighting the Seven Riders and Ethna (or whatever her name is) is about to kill him and he’s all like “I’m Christopher Herondale.” I just loved that and I almost cried. 

- At this point, I still don’t really know where his relationship with Ty will lead. I know for sure it will be either a romantic relationship or a parabatai relationship, and I’m perfectly fine with whichever. For me, it’s hard to tell right now. Cassie has a habit of pulling large plot twists on us, and I don’t know what to think. All I do know is that I like Kit and Ty as friend or lovers. I think they compliment each other very well and are so cute. (The Sherlock and Watson comparisons?! Cute af!)

Julian Blackthorn

- I’m honestly so scared for Julian and I have two main theories for him. Neither of them are happy. He’s either going to literally go off the deep end and go full evil and be really bad or he’s not going to survive to the end of the series. Like I said, I don’t really like either option.

- Julian’s hidden ruthlessness is touched upon several times in LOS like in LM. This is NOT coincidental and Cassie is foreshadowing. His ruthless nature and his undying will to protect those he loves will play a major role in the plot of QoAaD, I’m sure.

- I don’t even want to think about how Livvy’s death will affect his family, but especially Julian. He’d devoted his life, time, and heart to protecting his family and doing whatever it takes to keep them alive and safe. He’s failed to do that. Because of Livvy’s death, he will blame himself and I feel like it will really push him over the edge. 

- There is this undeniable dark Julian that we all know exists. Few of us actually acknowledge that this is a part of Julian because we don’t want to imagine our baby Julian like that. Our baby Julian, who has been in love with Emma for god knows how long. Our baby Julian who ran an Institute when he was twelve, killed his own father, who became parabatai with Emma even when he knew he was in love with her because he didn’t want to lose her. Jules, Julian, who paints her in secret, who hides his feelings for her. He is an incredibly selfless person and I feel like that it could seriously be his downfall and weakness ironically.

- Basically, I think that tough times are in the forecast for Julian Blackthorn. :(

Five Main Character Deaths

- Jon Cartwright: I was really surprised about his death and didn’t see it coming. I was just a lil sad but overall it wasn’t that bad. I will miss him though. I hope Marisol will be okay.

- Arthur Blackthorn: I was also very surprised about this death. In Lady Midnight, Arthur is written as this insane, depressed, and sad individual. We don’t like him because he was supposed to run the Institute, not Julian. In the last few pages of his life, he was completely lucid and actively gave up his life to save the younger Blackthorns. I was very taken aback and thought it was very honorable. It instantly redeemed his character for me. I was sad to see him go.

- Malcolm Fade: I never really believed he was dead tbh. I actually laughed when he truly died. Literally, this dude spends 200+ years dedicating his life to bringing a girl back from the dead, and when he does she just kills him?!?! I died it was actually really funny. I realize how sick that sounds and I’m sorry but it was so funny.

- Robert Lightwood: Never did I think a character from another series would be killed off. I set myself up for sadness when I assumed that. I was very sad when Robert died; not only was he Emma and Julian’s only hope to fix things between them, but he was also just mending his relationship with his children and it broke my heart when Alec was calling for his dad. I can’t remember exactly, the last few pages of LOS were a blur of tears and emotions and words and I’m pretty sure I started crying when Alec was calling “Dad, please, dad.”

- Livvy Blackthorn: Oh my god. Oh my god. Livvy’s death caught me by complete surprise and it crushed me. Livvy had so much ahead of her. She’d found out that Julian had been the one that had taken care of all of the younger Blackthorns since the Dark War, and she’d wanted to be like him. She’d kissed Julian on the forehead. It was so cute and it warmed my heart. SHE NEVER GOT TO RUN AN INSTITUTE. All Livvy wanted was for her family to be together and when Helen and Mark finally came back and everyone was together, she died. She never got to see her family reunite, and I think that’s the saddest part. I truly will miss Livvy. And when the clock rang? Oh my god, I was a hot mess. There are dried tears on the last two pages of LOS. I cried myself to sleep that night when I finished it.

Side note on Livvy’s death: maybe this is a grieving me just searching for a way to bring Livvy back but there was a quote in either Lady Midnight or Lord of Shadows (I think its LOS) and one of the characters (I think a faerie or something) is like “Oh, how foolish of u to regard death as something so final.” Will this tie into Livvy’s death? WILL LIVVY COME BACK?

Characters I Literally Cannot Deal With

- Jaime Rosales (taking advantage of Dru like wtf)

- Annabel Blackthorn (she fucking killed Livvy and Robert ugh)

- Zara Dearborn (I don’t really need to explain this, do I?)

- The Cohort (see above)

Characters I Didn’t Pay Much Attention to Before but Now I Like Them

- Mark Blackthorn (sweet bby oml)

- Kieran (ur not as bad as I thought, pal)

- Diana Wrayburn (I explained above. Never hated her or anything, just didn’t know her)

- Gwyn ap Nudd (PROTECT THIS ACTUAL TEDDY BEAR OML)

- Dru Blackthorn (don’t make her babysit plz)

- Ty and Livvy (I have a twin and I wish he was like Ty lol)

Emma Carstairs 

- hot mess of angst and emotions throughout the book (as expected) 

- Julian Blackthorn Julian Blackthorn Julian Blackthorn Julian Blackthorn

- She slayed one of the Seven Riders like holy crap girl ur a legend

- She and Julian had sex again. Have I talked about this? Yes. It was amazing. I loved it. I enjoyed every second of it.

- I love how whenever someone does anything mean or says something bad about the Blackthorns, Emma freaking goes apeshit on them

- When Emma made Diego stand in the antpile.... OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS GIRL

- She’s so sassy and I love her sass. Did I mention I love her sass. 

Further comments

- WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DEAL WITH CORTANA BREAKING THE MORTAL SWORD. WHAT THE FUCK. I NEED ANSWERS.

- will Emma and Julian seriously ever get rid of the parabatai bond

- how will Livvy’s death affect her family

- when will Mark, Cristina, and Kieran have their eventual threesome I need to know

- how the fuck is Bridget still alive

- ALL OF THE TID REFERENCES WHILE THEY WERE IN LONDON AHHHH MY HEART

- what is happening to the warlocks oh my god don’t touch my Tessa and don’t touch my Magnus

- is Ragnor alive or nah

- what is the history of the Black Volume

- Clary better not die or I fucking s2g

[notjustoneofyourmanytoys]

💘 for all our ships you can be bothered writing up

Okay so we went from zero ships to like eight in two days so this is under a read more. yes.

Sapphire and Nico: These two dorks. I think Nico offers a sense of normalcy to Sapphire that while she's friends with Alex, Alex can't exacly provide? I feel he probably grounds her a lot from doing stupid shit in her life and is just someone she calls if she gets stuck somewhere or just needs someone to talk to. Nico's daughter already calls her mama Lexi sometimes. Nico had sex with her, which is something that's a huge thing cause he's not even really that into sex with anyone, but Sapphire sort of reminds him of Alexis and that's good for him? Now he's willing to step up and be there for her if she really is pregnant and help take care of her. I just think that they're one of those ships that are going to be a really really slow burn kinda thing until they realize one day that oh, shit I do love him/her.

Sapphire and Kat: Complete opposites. Sapphires reckless and wild and Kat's shy and nervous and likes to see things sometimes through rose tinted glass - Sapphire doesn't. Sapphire tries to be understanding about Kat's fears and give the other hope given what she's been through but it's hard? Because Kat can be fine one day and the next she's extremely broken so it's probably hard for Sapphire to cope with that. But they do love each other in the platonic sense and Kat will be willing to look out for Sapphire and keep her safe. They're the friends that Sapphire will have her head in Kat's lap and Kat will be braiding her hair.

Alex and Helena: These two crazy kids are one hell of a ride. Helena has a thing for wanting to prove she's better than Alex's roommate Sapphire and it seems like Alex has no problems letting her try. They get high together, sleep  together and even if Helena doesn't show it, she has a soft spot for them. She's extremely understanding about Alex being non binary too, which I think Alex likes and needs? Alex also offers some kind of weird emotional support to Helena and doesn't let her take things too far.

Thea and Harley: Harley and Thea have been friends pretty much since kindgarten. They are the otp of friendships and possibly more though neither has openly admitted it. Harley's always been into females but shielded those thoughts from Thea because of her parents and unsure of how Thea herself would take the news. They both have each other's backs in school and just in life in general. Someday, hopefully, they'll be abe to talk and Harley will help Thea work through all the issues she has because her family is crazy and closed minded.

Zara and Toni: Toni and Zara met by chance and from the moment they did, the two just seemed to click, much to Toni's surprise because she hadn't done something that easily since Enzo. They act like a couple. They share the same bed. The same friend circle (which was all Zara's doing because Toni's crap at that) and just live like an old married couple without the sex. Couple people actually think they're soulmates, but Toni's beyond believing that.The mere mention of that word makes her skin crawl. Someone hurts Zara and they wind up hurt themselves. By Toni. Zara doesn't know Toni's dark side or what she's capable of but someday she will find out and that's what terrifies Toni the most aside from the fact that over the course of the last year, Toni's actually fallen in love with Zara. Toni's scared of being in love with Zara though, because love makes you crazy after all. Just ask Toni's dead ex best friend.

Michael and Katrina: If there was one thing that Katrina Jamison was sure of, it was that since fourth grade when Michael Park kissed her on the playground because someone dared him, that she was going to be his girlfriend one day. Since that fateful day, Kat befriended him much to the dismay of her parents, standing by his side and offering a voice of reason if you would. When high school came and they garnered their own social circles, she constantly stepped from hers to spend time with him. Everyone knew how much she cared about him, that was obvious. Then when there was a homecoming party in their junior year, Kat and Mike were left alone, watching everyone at the party from the top of the stairs where something happened between them and Kat lost her virginity to him. The two have just continually been pulling each other back and forth between happy and sad and no matter how much Mike hurts her, she'll always be at his side. Their relationship is rocky at best but there's something underneath that fucked up guise that he puts up that he let's her see glimpses of and Kat, well Kat's never loved anyone else or had sex with anyone besides him - not even Raven (much to his dismay). He gives her confidence and a reason to stand up for something and I think she gives him what he needs most. Acceptance for who he is, even if who he is, isn't such a nice person all the time.

Elora and Annette: Annette met Elora at a bar and was already half way gone when the girl walked in but she somehow managed to herself in Elora's bed even though nothing happened. She doesn't understand why Elora didn't do anything with her, blacked out drunk or not but she actually likes the other girl? Wants to do that whole getting to know her thing which is odd for Annette given she's stopped caring about anyone but her brother a long time ago and evne lately in this verse she doesn't even seem to care about him because he's old enough to look after himself.

Vince and Helena: I don't...know with these two but I feel that Vince might just be what Helena needs in her life. He's pretty stern in not letting her be on the streets alone while she's high and she hates him for it but at the same time loves it? She's trying not to jump him honestly (because damn he's incredibly hot according to her). I feel over time there might be a mutual respect for one another once she opens up to him about why she was on the streets an who she really is. But I'm in love with the IDEA of them and where they could go cause damn there be some tension between them.

[samporo]

1-150

YOLO. No Ragrets. Recycled some answers cause

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

- My Best Friend, Danielle! 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

- I’m a mixture of both (also depends on how much alcohol I have). But from my friend’s perspective, I’m shy about the first 5 minutes and then I act like who I am. But I tend to be more shy around people I find attractive.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

- My Best Friends this weekend and old friends I haven’t seen in a while!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

- I find myself easy to get along with unless you’re a racist, sexist, etc. I will tell you off and put you in your place if you find other people’s existence below yours.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

- Nope because the people I like don’t give a fuck bout me lmao

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

- I’m attracted to people who have a sense of purpose and know what they’re doing. I’m attracted to people who know their dreams are difficult but aren’t afraid to reach them. I’m attracted to people who are broken and lost hope. I’m attracted to people who smile even though they are not happy inside and don’t want to show it. :B

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

- Probs not lmao but who knows (98% sure of it)

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

- MINA FROM TWICE

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

- Nope. I talk about sex majority of the time but make inappropriate sexual innuendos all the time. :^)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- Angelica and Danielle!

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

- “Your dick size is a joke”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

- 1) Twice - TT

- 2) Twice - Knock Knock

- 3) Red Velvet - Rookie

- 4) Rihanna - Love on the Brain

- 5) Kehlani - Advice

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

- YES. But i make sure they think I don’t like it because I have a persona to upkeep.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

- I do~

15. What good thing happened this summer?

- A few things happened this summer that were good but one major good thing that happened was my friends driving up from North Carolina to visit and I haven’t seen them in a while. It was really great to catch up with them and spend time with them that it brought me a lot of joy and it’ll always be a memorable time for me!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

- Okay now I remember who it was with lmao… maybe… maybe not… probs not… probs. idk lmao 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

- I think there is life everywhere and we are but a speck of dust in the universe. Please don’t make me think about this because I will mindfuck myself..

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

- From time to time but it’s because we have a mutual friend group

19. Do you like bubble baths?

- Ya but my bath is too small and outdated :(

20. Do you like your neighbors?

- Never met them so yes I do like them.

21. What are you bad habits?

- Taking depression naps, being petty/salty, my laziness and procrastination, I can keep going but I rather not disappoint you l0l

22. Where would you like to travel?

- Yes.. I love to travel and the idea to visit other cultures, but I got no money so :(

23. Do you have trust issues?

- I do to an extent at a certain point in our relationship when it gets there but at the beginning, not usually.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

- My favourite part of my daily routine is driving home from class around 4pm, eating a small plate of food then taking my 2 hour depression nap :’)

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

- My teeth :( When I was a kid, I barely brushed my teeth and now I regret it because they’re yellowish and stained, so it really affects my self-confidence.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

- Contemplate if I really need to go to that class and spend 10 minutes giving myself reasons to skip but in the end I get up and cry in the shower :’)

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

- I wish my skin was clearer 

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

- Pia and Janina lmao. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

- Nope :)))))))

30. Do you ever want to get married?

- Eventually, but we’ll see where life makes me.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

- Nopee

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

- Yoon Yong Bin from ICanSeeYourVoice and Mark from Got7 :’)

33. Spell your name with your chin.

saJKMN LOL

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

- League and Overwatch :))

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

- Um definitely TV….

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

- Yeah.. sometimes and other times I do because what do I got to lose? That’s right. I got nothing to lose. Keep bringing me them L’s!!!!

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

- Nothing because I accept it and there’s nothing awkward about silence unless you make it awkward cause you think you gotta force yourself into thinking you need to keep a conversation going.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

- My dream person.. hmm… I would start off with someone who has a nice ass smile because that’s what usually catches my attention and I would love to see their smile every day. Height is not an issue for me, shorter, taller, etc. :) Personality, I really like someone who has a nice balance of social life, responsibility, personal life, and work life. I really don’t like someone who is too social that their other aspects of life are failing but if it happens, then so be it lmao. I like the basic necessities: honestly, communication, and loyalty.  I also really like when they just want to be lay there and cuddle all day or play video games. I just really like when we spend time together whether I meet them in real life or online haha. That’s all I could think of now tbh :P

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

- Forever 21, H&M, J. Crew, Uniqlo, Zara

40. What do you want to do after high school?

- Well I wanted to study either forensic psychology or culinary, but I made myself to think my cooking wasn’t good enough for culinary and I wouldn’t make it in that field. So now it’s psychology and HR :)

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

- Everyone is prone to mistakes so I definitely think they deserve a second chance but after that, it’s a no go because it becomes a decision.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

- It means I’m thinking about one of the following:

     - Sex w you 

     - Never hanging w you again

     - Food

     - Dicks 

43. Do you smile at strangers?

- I smile at everyone I come across hoping it becomes contagious even if I hate my life :’)

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

- Definitely bottom of the ocean for me (If it means I survive too)

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

- What I’m going to eat tbh and my crippling debt.

46. What are you paranoid about?

- Being lonely forever.

47. Have you ever been high?

- :^)

48. Have you ever been drunk?

- Always!!!

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

- Yes and no one will ever know :^)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

- Light grey!

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

- At times I do but it’s only because I’d just want to see what they are packaging down below :^)

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

- My teeeeEEEEeeEEEeeth

53. Favourite makeup brand?

- Anastasia

54. Favourite store?

- HMART

55. Favourite blog?

- samporo.tumblr.come ;^)

56. Favourite colour?

- Violet-Purple~ but now it’s starting to be Rose Quartz~

57. Favourite food?

- Bun Bo HUEEE

58. Last thing you ate?

- Hibachi noodles :^)

59. First thing you ate this morning?

- Nothing.. I don’t eat in the morning

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

- Being petty…

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

- Never have I ever been suspended/expelled

62. Been arrested? For what?

- Almost :\ I thought it was cardiac arrest but God was just playing me

63. Ever been in love?

- I have :)

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

- My first kiss was back in like 4th grade when me and this girl were mocking each other and we were leaning in back and forth like chickens eating food off the floor and we pecked each other on the lips and I told her her lips were really dry LMAO

65. Are you hungry right now?

- I’m always hungry…

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

- NOPE. Jk they’re cool but I like my real friends :)

67. Facebook or Twitter?

- Neither…

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

- Tumblr because it has became my place of comfort.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

- I am not

70. Names of your bestfriends?

- Angelica, Danielle, Pia, Janina, Kiana

71. Craving something? What?

- Dick, human touch/warmth/feelings, food 

72. What colour are your towels?

- Mocha and Gray

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

- I have 2 body pillows, 1 square pillow, 2 full pillows, and 3 queen sized pillows.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

- I used to but not anymore because they’ve grown up and moved on with their life :(

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

- I have about 4

75. Favourite animal?

- Octopus :)

76. What colour is your underwear?

- Currently, it is maroon with white polka dots

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

- Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

- I like orange sherbet…..

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

- Black tank top :^)

80. What colour pants?

- I’m wearing black puma shorts

81. Favourite tv show?

- Steven Universe!! and Nikita :)

82. Favourite movie?

- Kimi No Na Wa definitely

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

- Havent watched either of them.. opps

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

- I don’t know her…

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

- Stop asking me idk :(

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

- Destiny the Whale Shark because she’s nearsighted like me and thats the stuggle I gotta deal with when I don’t have glasses on :’)

87. First person you talked to today?

- Probably snap chat to Duy-ABS

88. Last person you talked to today?

- Angelica!!

89. Name a person you hate?

- I don’t hate anyone :)

90. Name a person you love?

- Angelica xoxo

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

- Myself :\

92. In a fight with someone?

- Nope!

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

- Like 2 pairs :( I need more but so expensive..

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

- In total, about 6 (3 each)

95. Last movie you watched?

- Don’t Breathe. It was alright

96. Favourite actress?

- I don’t have one lmao

97. Favourite actor?

- Me :^)

98. Do you tan a lot?

- I do not tan at all

99. Have any pets?

- I have no doggo! His name is Latte and he’s a Siberian Husky. but I do want a cat.

100. How are you feeling?

- Empty and unsure of what my life will become.

101. Do you type fast?

- I believe so when I actually know what I want to write.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

- Many things. I think about it a lot before bed (’:

103. Can you spell well?

- Ya i guess???

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

- Some people yes, but we moved on from them for a reason, right?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

- Yeah usually with my cousins and it’s pretty nice.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

- I’m sure I have.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

- Yah and it’s okay.. not a huge fan

108. What should you be doing?

- Reading and taking notes…. but I probably won’t until 2am :)

109. Is something irritating you right now?

- Not particularly, just in general: Where is the love at my life at??? Can ya hurry up. tf

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

- Yeah and I don’t know why I would disrespect myself like that but I can’t help it lmaoo

111. Do you have trust issues?

- Isn’t this question 23???

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

- Danielle :( when she read her break-up letter to me…

113. What was your childhood nickname?

- Cu Tai (my viet name is Tai lmao)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

- Yup! I been to New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Michigan, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, California, and North Carolina… I believe.

115. Do you play the Wii?

- I do! When it’s at parties but not at home.

116. Are you listening to music right now?

- YES (Knock Knock - Twice :)))))))))))) )

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

- I’m a sucker for those nasty cambell’s soup tbh

118. Do you like Chinese food?

- Yeah I do. Love chow fun :)

119. Favourite book?

- Not a huge fan of reading :^)

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

- I used to be but now I’m not. I’m ready for whatever lurks in the dark to take me or sleep with me. Whatever they want.

121. Are you mean?

- I guess you could say I’m average :^) AYYY

122. Is cheating ever okay?

- HELL NO. On tests yes because help a mate out but in a relationship no because then they think about it all day and night, wondering why they weren’t enough and reasons why they were cheated on. so nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

- After this weekend, apparently not :\ but I cleaned the shit out of them and it’s better now.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- I believe in infatuation at first sight but not love.

125. Do you believe in true love?

- I believe there’s someone out there that is meant to be with you, so yes?

126. Are you currently bored?

- With the lack of interests in these questions, yes.

127. What makes you happy?

- Food, Twice, my best friends, and dark sense of humour.

128. Would you change your name?

- Before I wanted to change my last name from Quach to Nguyen (my dad’s last name to my mom’s) but I’m contempt with it now but I do like Gwok…

129. What your zodiac sign?

- Taurus so let me ram you ;)

130. Do you like subway?

- Not as much as I used to but I do crave it from time to time. I like their chicken salad and raspberry cheesecake cookies :^)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

- Yoikes…. let them down easy but I wouldn’t let things be awkward/stop being friends with her.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

- Question 10?????

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

- I’m like TT, just like TT :’)

134. Can you count to one million?

- Yeah.. when I’m going down on you and counting how many licks it takes to get to your center haha ;) (1 million licks probably suggests I suck tho)

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

- “Yeah, I’m fine”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

- Closed. I want to be intimate w myself as much as possible.

137. How tall are you?

- 5′6″ :B

138. Curly or Straight hair?

- I love both tbh

139. Brunette or Blonde?

- I think I look better blonde than brunette but both are nice colours.

140. Summer or Winter?

- I’m a winter kind of person because of how cold and lonely it is, but summer is lovely when you want to take walks at night.

141. Night or Day?

- I’m a night person because of how quiet it is and you appreciate the silence you have with yourself or the life you have. I find it euphoric being out at night and being accompanied by the silence.

142. Favourite month?

- November because Thanksgiving :’)

143. Are you a vegetarian?

- Sorry I love meat too much.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

- Milk chocolate~

145. Tea or Coffee?

- I’m a tea person :^)

146. Was today a good day?

- Today was a good day! My Aunt just moved into her new house so my cousins and I came over to congratulate her and just ate together and spent time before I came home to take my two hour depression nap and now here I am! :’) Thanks for asking!

147. Mars or Snickers?

- … Neither???

148. What’s your favourite quote?

- “I feel like I’m always searching for someone, or something.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

- I do, but like why we do always portray them as evil? What if they’re nice like Casper and just want friends… But the supernatural is something I’m very interested in.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

- “.. with the consequence that some individuals will survive, but others will not.” That was from my psych book lmaoo

[dismissyourdoubt]

03/18/2017

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac, Self Control by Frank Ocean ft. Yung Lean and Austin Feinstein, UGH! by The 1975, Love Money Party by Miley Cyrus ft. Big Sean, Someone Like You by Adele, In My Eyes by Best Coast.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Honestly I can’t deny my love for Anderson Cooper like hi daddy

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “...time. I cover her up, then go to bed and dream.”

4) What do you think about most? Honestly, boys and work.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? It says: “wait the hoodie was more than that it was a different one i was looking at but still got it for $18 bc only 36”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I sleep with underwear on, but that’s it.

7) What’s your strangest talent? Fucking things up and pushing people away, overthinking everything.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) Literally as if @ this question

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Um yeah guys actually all of Frank Ocean’s love songs are about me because we’re in love soooooo

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? As if I know

11) Do you have any strange phobias? I have a pretty bad fear of ovens? Like I’m afraid that I’ll basically either fall in or be pushed in and then burn myself and die.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No but there’s a hilarious story about my dad sticking a pencil eraser up his nose in Catholic school and what happened when it got stuck up there...

13) What’s your religion? I don’t really follow any religion, I like certain aspects of Buddhism but I don’t know enough about it to actually consider myself a Buddhist. Sooo yeah I don’t know.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking to/from the bus stop for work, because in the winter that’s really the only reason I leave the house, lmao.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it, usually... Although I film fake vlogs all the time because I think it’s so fun...

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Okay so like the way this question is phrased, I’m only considering bands, not solo artists. So... hmm... Daughter

17) What was the last lie you told? I told my dad I can’t go to a family dinner tomorrow because I have a test, he doesn’t know my driver’s license is suspended because of a speeding ticket and I don’t have it back yet...

18) Do you believe in karma? I mean, I like the idea of it. I don’t know if I necessarily believe that it actually happens.

19) What does your screen name mean? Song lyrics, from Broken by S. Carey.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is honestly my depression and the fact that I’m awful at taking care of myself; my greatest strengths are my work ethic and my intelligence.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I mean if I had to pick just one I’d probably have to say Tom Daley... or Hunter Parrish?

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I actually don’t think I have.

23) How do you vent your anger? By texting a friend or something like that. I normally don’t get “angry” though, more just annoyed or upset.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I have a collection of antique keys, tapestries, glass pieces and other stoner shit.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I mean honestly neither like just text me honey, it’s much easier for me that way

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? This is a good question. I look at who I was a little over a year ago, and I’ve definitely changed as a person, and the change has definitely been for the better. So, in that regard, I’m happy with the person I’ve become. At the same time, I do feel that I have such a long way to go. I want to start going back to the gym and make a lot of other changes in my life. But I’m definitely on an upward journey.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Okay I’ll just say I love the sound of Kehlani’s voice because I’m listening to her right now... And I hate the sound of babies crying.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I can never have a successful relationship and I end up alone?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I mean, honestly, I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be that surprised if either of them existed. So I’ll just go with yes for both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. With my right arm, I touched the back of the couch I’m sitting on. With my left arm, I touched the wall right next to me. So exciting.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Oregano ;)

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Is college an answer to this question?

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast? Definitely West Coast, even though I live in Pennsylvania, I’m dying to move to California...

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? This is a hard question because there are so many queens I’ve been idolizing lately... Tinashe, Kehlani, Jhené Aiko, Beyoncé, Zara Larsson, Ariana Grande, like damn they’re all hot as hell, you know?

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? As if this question isn’t gonna send me into an existential crisis.

36) Define: Art. Okay literally.

37) Do you believe in luck? I mean, yeah, I definitely think that at some points in your life you are “luckier” than you are at other points in your life. But, I think it’s entirely coincidental how much “luck” you have at any given point in time.

38) What’s the weather like right now? It’s not as cold as it’s been the past few weeks. I think it’s around 40, and it’s kind of windy/rainy, but not snowing (it was last night), so that’s good.

39) What time is it? 7:22 PM

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I drive. I’ve never been in an accident, although I did have a near-death experience driving on the parkway a few months back. It was raining and my tires started spinning out of control; I almost crashed off the side of the road and then my car swerved across both lanes of traffic and almost crashed into the middle barrier... Then somehow I regained control of the vehicle. Crazy shit. Not fun.

41) What was the last book you read? I literally don’t know. Maybe Perks of Being a Wallflower?

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? In a way, yes.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Nothing really other than Kev which is just short for Kevin.

44) What was the last movie you saw? Get Out. It was fucking wild. Especially because I went into it without having seen any trailers or anything like that... But I highly recommend.

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Ummm, I’ve never broken a bone or anything like that, so I’m honestly not sure lmfao

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? I haven’t and now I’m kind of sad that I haven’t. Like thanks for calling my attention to that.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Kehlani, I’m definitely obsessed with her right now, like without a doubt. Her and Tinashe but what else is new.

48) What’s your favorite music genre? R&B

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Of course.

50) Do you believe in magic? I mean, probably.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? I try not to. I mean, when I cut someone out of my life, it’s (typically) pretty permanent. But I also understand that people change, so I’m not sitting around holding onto hatred for anyone.

52) What is your astrological sign? Capricorn

53) Do you save money or spend it? A combination of both. I make enough money that I can do that ;)

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? I spent like $400 on Amazon, oops. But that included nice chino pants, a ton of random drinks like Snapple and Diet Coke, a tiny golden statue of an elephant, you know, things I totally needed... I also bought a beginner’s dabbing kit which included a little wax container, a dabber, a carb cap, and a titanium nail, so yeah that’s cool.

55) Love or lust? This is a hard question. Like lust is so much better when it’s passionate and there are feelings (love) involved, and love can be so great but love also hurts like fuck. So I mean you know there are definitely pros and cons to both so I don’t know.

56) In a relationship? HAAAAAA AS IF

57) Are you a virgin? Nope.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope, definitely can’t do that.

59) Where were you yesterday? Work, then home, which is literally how I spend 99% of my days, so no surprise there.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? CYNTHIA IS PINK

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nah son

62) What’s your favorite animal? The zebra. I just think they’re so beautiful and majestic and stuff.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I really don’t have one? I just act like myself and hope for the best?

64) Where is your best friend? She’s at a party with her boyfriend’s family.

66) What is your heritage? Like primarily Czechoslovakian on my dad’s side, I’m not too sure about my mom’s side, but you know I’m basically as white as they come.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping. I’m an old man so I go to bed early now.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? This is the stupidest question ever and I’m also just noticing that question 69 is missing. And 65 was missing too. Probably others. Bish wut.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes, I’ll always listen if you need to talk about anything, I’m pretty chill and easy to get along with.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would stop to save the dog, then explain the story to my boss. If the boss wasn’t understanding about that and honestly wanted me to leave a dog there to die, that’s probably not someone I’d want to work for anyways.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) Yes, I tell a select few. b) I travel, try different drugs, try to experience as much as possible in my last month. c) Obviously I would be afraid?

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Love, trust is impossible for me anyways.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Distraction by Kehlani, current obsession

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 8108

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? There are a lot of things that make up a great relationship, I’m certainly no relationship expert but I think some of the more important of those things are mutual trust, attraction, respect, and compatibility.

77) How can I win your heart? Consistent communication, paying attention to the little things, asking how I am, stuff like that.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Dropping out of traditional college and switching to an online university.

80) What size shoes do you where? YOU MEAN WEAR? 10.5 or 11.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Ya know, my name, birthday, death date, maybe a cute little illustration, nothing too fancy, just the standard tombstone because I’m nothing too special.

82) What is your favorite word? I really don’t have an answer to this question...

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart. I thought of the song Black Heart by Carly Rae Jepsen.

84) What is a saying you say a lot? AS IF

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Currently listening to Nights by Frank Ocean my king.

86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors? Growing up, green was always my favorite color, like olive green. But honestly now I’m more into the blues? And obviously black.

87) What is your current desktop picture? It’s like a scenic portrait of a mountain and a sunset.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Donald Trump. Am I going to get arrested for typing that?

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Honestly ask me anything, I’m not afraid to tell the truth, haha.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? I really wonder how stoned the person was who wrote this survey...

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Ability to read minds! Or invisibility. Yeah I’d actually probably like invisibility the best.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Can I just erase the entirety of 2015?

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? FRANK OCEAN

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Somewhere in California or Hawaii. Or maybe I should leave the country and go somewhere nice in Europe like Amsterdam.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? No I don’t.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? I never have.

98) Ever been on a plane? Yeah, like three or four times.

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 16

Time for things to get stabby! Long post. Some discussion of a canon torture incident (y’all know which one).

We left off last chapter with Dario making his dramatic entrance. We pick up here with Wolfe lecturing Jess, Morgan talking to Dario, and Glain sending Codex messages. Who is Glain messaging? Her squad? Santi? Khalila?

Jess admits he’s dying, and Wolfe shows a flash of emotion - Jess can’t tell if it’s anguish or anger. I think Wolfe is seeing himself in Jess here. Jess’s “Getting killed for something worthwhile is better than dying alone” echoes Wolfe’s death letter from Ash and Quill: “I hope I died for something, as I lived for it.” Wolfe in Smoke and Iron, too; he’s not afraid to go into the Colosseum and probably die fighting, but the thought of dying slowly and helplessly in prison terrifies him. He understands exactly what Jess is thinking, and that hurts.

Why did I go back and reread that whole letter? There’s something in my eye now.

Second page of the chapter, here’s Jess thinking that his friends have made him a better person, while his family’s influence makes him worse. His impulse to kill the Archivist comes from his family, and he expects his friends would disapprove. Interesting parallel with Dario later in the chapter.

Wolfe’s discomfort with violence again? He neither agrees nor disagrees with Jess’s argument about killing the Archivist. He just shakes his head and gets on with the scheming.

But this isn’t just a moral “is it ok to kill the Archivist” thing, necessarily. For Wolfe, especially, there might be a lot of vindication in seeing the Archivist formally and publicly accused and tried for his crimes. Obviously, he’s not going to admit that outright, but it could very well influence his stance on what to do with the Archivist (and co-conspirators).

And why isn’t Wolfe getting into this argument with Jess? He knows how much vengeance means to Jess. With Jess dying, Wolfe doesn’t want to have an argument that would hurt Jess unless it’s absolutely necessary. Wolfe might also know just how much of the “we need to kill the bastard” talk is emotion talking, too. After all, in the end, Jess is surprisingly compassionate toward the dying Archivist. And Jess wasn’t completely on board with assassination when Anit first brought it up earlier in the book, either. If anyone can recognize angry bluster, it would be Wolfe. Echoes there of Wolfe in Ash and Quill telling Jess how well he knows him.

Wolfe goes to talk to Glain and Dario (there’s the planning team), leaving Morgan with Jess. He’s giving those two a private moment - does he know they broke up? Probably not? But also, keeping his distance from Morgan after the energy draining incident?

Morgan and Jess, bonding over their mutual decisions to sacrifice themselves for the people and cause they care about.

Dario’s first response to being asked to lure the Archivist into a trap: “I’ve had enough of intrigue.” He’s still deeply hurt by the betrayal. He doesn’t want to do anything like that again. But here’s Glain trying to talk him into it. What message is Dario getting here? That his friends need him to be a bad person. Ouch. Guess what this pushes Dario toward?

Lose Wolfe’s trust, never get it back. He immediately and aggressively rejects the idea of working with Callum because he expects Callum to betray them. Very similar to his reaction to trusting Zara again in Ash and Quill.

Dad Wolfe holds Jess up when Jess just about collapses coughing. Wolfe’s hands are shaking while he holds Jess, which is interesting, since that’s always been a PTSD thing for Wolfe up until now.

Wolfe very much wants to be there to catch the Archivist.

Dad Wolfe, quietly checking in with Jess: “He glanced at Jess, just briefly, but Jess understood that to mean something.” This is a nice moment of understanding between these two. There’s the nonverbal communication, which itself shows how well they understand each other. But then there’s Wolfe, knowing very well that Jess might not want his vulnerability openly acknowledged, keeping this little check-in quiet. Jess does choose to explain, but Wolfe’s not demanding that. I suspect he would have accepted just a nod.

Jess says he got a new mask and stronger meds “on the way out”. Intercepted by a Medica? (Medica: ugh, you’re all impossible. Fine, have meds if you’re going to insist on sneaking out.) Or lying?

Magic ring restrictions: no harming anyone unless they’re harming the wearer first, no taking away choices from people.

“My clever father,” Wolfe muttered. “Trust Eskander to find yet another way to make this more difficult.” At this point, Wolfe’s talked to Eskander what, once? On page, at least. And hasn’t exactly had a lot of opportunities for off-page conversations. So where is this coming from? Keria, I’m guessing. Wolfe doesn’t know his father, but I’ll bet he heard plenty about Eskander from his mother, whose view would be... biased, to say the least. Rumors from the Archivist and Artifex, too, maybe - he might have been close enough to either of them in the past to hear them griping about Eskander making trouble in the Iron Tower.

Dario-Wolfe parallels: Wolfe doesn’t want to die in a graveyard because that’s embarrassing, Dario doesn’t want to die like a commoner.

“We’ll make sure everyone knows how royally you bled to death.” Glain gets all the best lines.

Also, though. Here’s Dario saying he doesn’t want to kill the Archivist. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to be killed in revenge for that, but is that it? Or is this another hint at conflicted morality? Or devotion to Khalila, knowing she definitely wants a fair trial?

“Their old dormitory must have contained postulants for the upcoming year.” So, by my guess, this is happening in November. I really, really cannot think of a way this could be happening at the beginning of the school year. It would be hard, even, to push the date into December and say Jess means the new year not school year. So... Alexandria isn’t using the same calendar as us? (Where would that be on the ancient Egyptian/Greek calendar?) Or the Library starts school years irregularly? Or Jess is just out of it and not thinking that this group of postulants would already be pretty far into the program. Eh, let’s go with that. Jess is unreliable.

More Dad Wolfe moments: playful slaps on the head for Jess and Dario. @thegreatlibraryfangirl this is it. The closest thing to a sweet dad moment Dario gets. 

I’m kind of sad we don’t get any more Morgan POV. I’d like to know how she’s feeling about Jess when she hugs him here. Questioning her feelings again? Wanting to part on good terms? Just needing a bit of physical comfort and knowing he’ll give it?

So did Callum really set the trap like Jess asked? Or did Callum actually tip the Archivist off, leading the Archivist to send the Elites? I can see him playing both sides. 

Also, is this happening before or after Zara shoots the Archivist? Who knows.

““Any last words, Scholar? I’ll be happy to record them and add them to your journal... Oh, sorry, the Archivist has ordered your journals burned.” That’s just vicious. The Archivist didn’t just send his captain to kill Wolfe, he sent him to taunt Wolfe with an extremely sensitive subject first.

Ok, ok, another tiny little Wolfe-Dario moment: “I don’t have followers [...] Do I?” “No, sir [...] I’m afraid not. You’re too unlikable.” So we have some very small signs of affection between Wolfe and Dario, but they’re wrapped up in mock hostility. Fitting for both of them, since neither likes to show emotion or vulnerability, but still. Poor Dario.

“Make it between adults, if you can manage that.” Wolfe, snarking at gunpoint again. And trying to draw the enemy off the kids. (Unconventional patronus/animagus/daemon for Wolfe: a fucking killdeer.)

Interesting parallel here between Wolfe and Morgan tricking the Elites with Morgan’s illusion and Wolfe and Khalila in the Welsh general’s tent. Wolfe and kid tag teaming an enemy. But also parallels with the Philadelphia planning - once again, Wolfe and Morgan plan to save everyone at the cost of overusing Morgan’s power.

Wolfe tries to spare the Elites’ lives, but when he fails at that, he doesn’t hesitate to shoot the captain. But that’s while the captain is still grappling with Jess and Dario. Once the captain surrenders, Wolfe won’t shoot. How much of Wolfe’s thinking on when it’s ok to kill someone is influenced by all his work with Santi in war zones? This seems like a very military code of conduct. Give the enemy a chance to surrender, fight if he doesn’t, stop when he does.

So, the stabbing. It’s easy to see how Dario gets here. He’s spent the whole series characterizing himself as ruthless and willing to make hard choices, and in this book he’s just been told by the people he cares about that he can only help them by doing the dirty work. Over and over, he feels bad about what he has to do (or thinks he has to do), and over and over, he’s told it’s the only way. Add in whatever fucked up family backstory, and this is where he ends up.

This actually reminds me a bit of what @eli-wray said about Jess and Dario’s plan in Ash and Quill. This is an act of self sacrifice for Dario, much like that plan. He’s doing something he feels is wrong but necessary so that other characters don’t have to. In Dario’s view, the only way to get the information is to torture the captain, and his friends are good people so they shouldn’t have to do it. He’ll be the bad one for them. 

“I want this to be done, for all our sakes.” Here’s Dario’s main motivation. Dario is tired of this fight. He was tired of it after betraying Spain. He was tired of it at the start of this chapter. Dario just wants to get all of this over with. 

Dario’s grinning and threats have Jess freaked out, but we already know Dario is a good actor. I don’t think he’s having as much fun as he pretends he is. Will he feel as bad about this as the betrayal? No. But this is definitely adding to the list of reasons Dario does not think of himself as a good person or worthy of Khalila.

And where does Dario’s act fall apart? It cracks a bit when Wolfe asks him to stop, and he sounds more exhausted and frustrated than gleefully murderous. It shatters when he learns Khalila’s in danger. Genuinely murderous Dario isn’t grinning or taunting anyone. He’s just putting the knife right in the captain’s heart.

Anyway, enough Dario. I’m supposed to be rambling about Wolfe here. So, for obvious reasons, this isn’t going to be comfortable for Wolfe to watch. Jess is oblivious as usual, but we get a couple hints. First, Wolfe’s dialogue. We get “Dario, stop”, then nothing until he checks on Jess as they leave. Short sentences, basic word choices. Twice, Jess notes that “not even Wolfe” said anything. Wolfe gets quiet when he’s triggered. And then there’s the “bleak look in the Scholar’s eyes” at the end of the chapter. There’s more than enough to cause that - Khalila is in danger, Jess and Morgan are dying - but trauma is another cause. Pretty sure his expression has been described as “bleak” before when he’s triggered and/or remembering Rome. This is far from the worst trauma response Wolfe has had, but he’s definitely uncomfortable.

Wolfe might have more pragmatic reasons to object, too. He’s been tortured himself. He probably has a pretty good idea of how likely the captain is to give them true and useful information. This may not even be his first time in this kind of situation - there were those 10 war zones, after all. And sure enough, while the captain does point everyone in sort of the right direction, what he says is as much a taunt as an answer, and it’s leaving out quite a bit - possibly, the captain didn’t even know about the final plan to destroy the Archives. Wolfe would probably expect those problems. Dario doesn’t.

[fashiontrendin-blog]

I Asked 8 Women to Show Me Their “Best Self” Outfit

http://fashion-trendin.com/i-asked-8-women-to-show-me-their-best-self-outfit/

I Asked 8 Women to Show Me Their “Best Self” Outfit

My personal style can be hard to pin down at times, but I know I’m doing something right whenever I put together a combination of clothes from my closet that feels like inverted armor — an aesthetic manifestation of all the things I like about myself, extracted from the core of what makes me me. Every time I hit upon one of these sartorial mishmashes and subsequently walk around all day feeling like the best version of myself, I’ve found that I always experience a number of interesting revelations about the overarching relationship between what I’m wearing and how I’m feeling.

I asked some of Man Repeller’s contributors what their “best self” outfits are, as well as how that relationship has played out in their lives. Read their answers below, as well as Leandra’s and my own, and deposit your thoughts on this topic in the comments.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

Summer is my favorite season to get dressed because it allows me to wear my favorite garment: caftans (or really, any kind of colorful, loose cotton dress). I’ve actually noticed that winter can be emotionally challenging in that sense because I have to wear pants all the time, and most pants make me feel constricted/self-conscious. I crave clothes that I can move and breathe comfortably in, and this caftan from SZ Blockprints definitely fits the bill. Speaking of things that bring me both comfort and joy, these Maryam Nassir Zadeh sandals are the best summer walking shoes I own. The bag is also one of my favorites, thanks to its unique netting that somehow exudes the feeling of salt spray and sea glass — or at least it does to me. I felt really relaxed and really sartorially sated in this outfit, which is how I knew it worked.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

That there is a secret extrovert inside me, waiting to emerge after a few heart-to-hearts or a few Aperol spritzes — whichever comes first.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

This is hard to answer because I feel like my style is constantly evolving. I’ve always had fun with clothes, though, so that’s been a constant. I will say that since transitioning to the role of fashion editor at Man Repeller, I think I have a more informed relationship with style. I write about it all the time, I talk about it all the time, I do loads of market work (both browsing online and attending appointments) so I have a good sense of what’s out there, and that shapes what I want to wear. I’ve definitely become more decisive about what I like and don’t like.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

This outfit makes me feel like my best self not because of the actual garments, but because of the attitude it espouses. My goal is almost always for it to appear as though my outfit makes no sense, but in this weird engaging way that still makes it work. In theory, you are likely not taking four individual garments that have identities all their own (high-waist striped pants for the Beetlejuice aficionado; a blouse that looks like it was thrifted on the French countryside for a member of the French Girls of Instagram crew; a jean jacket with an embellished collar for shit’s sake; a bandana for good [or is it bad?] measure) and mashing them together, but it’s a rewarding experience when you do it and get it right. You know you got it right when you can’t explain why it works, but just know it does. You know it works when you leave home and you are thinking, fuck yeah!

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

Eh, personal style doesn’t frequently fit in a box (unless, you know, it’s not actually personal), and therefore I don’t necessarily believe that I have control over what my outfits do or should say about me. I would prefer to let the beholder make that decision, even if I end up disagreeing with his or her conclusions.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

In a sense, we always know who we are stylistically — style and identity are so closely tied to each other, and even though it often takes a shit ton of toiling to really tease out the particles that come to define who you are, they’re always there. We’re born with that shit. I think the summer after my junior year of college was the first time I could connect physical garments to my style. I always knew I liked a varied look, that I wanted to be able to moderate fancy clothes with practical ones, that I often prefer to be dressed in a way that does not satisfy any dress code and therefore neither adheres to or rejects them. But it was really when I discovered army jackets and vintage Levi’s cutoffs that the rest of my closet (full of neglected silk shirts and cutesy a-line mini dresses) developed more purpose and I started to feel like I could wear a more accurate depiction of who I wanted to be.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

It’s this vintage dress that I got in Paris over a long denim skirt from Zara. I’m going to be honest: I tried microdosing for a month, and the best part of it was that, for some reason, it helped me come up with some of my best outfit combination with clothes I already had in my closet. This outfit makes me feel like my best self because it works in many different scenarios — plus it’s fun.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

That I have fun with clothes and in life, and “damn, that girl is good at layering.” Also, that I’m chill. So clearly a lot of things.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

Developing my style has always been something I’ve been obsessed with. I had my own salesperson at Nordstrom when I was in middle school, and I’d talk to her about my look for the season (I’m talking glitter tees and leopard pants). I picked out the fabric and patterns for all of my homecoming and prom dresses in high school. I got really into thrifting and vintage in college. I definitely think I have had different levels of coming into my own style, and each stage has helped me refine my taste more. I’m still refining and figuring out what’s me, but I definitely know what I hate.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

This outfit makes me feel like my best self for a few reasons. It’s a linen jumpsuit, so not only is it really comfortable, it’s also super easy to wear. Getting dressed in it involves little to no thought, which is a great way to start the day. The blazer made the outfit look more put-together (and therefore serious enough for meetings) but still fun. All in all, I just thought it was really cute, easy and functional for whatever the day entailed. It’s not fussy, high maintenance or over the top. I felt good in it, and I think that translated to everything I did that day.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

This is a hard question! I don’t know that I want this outfit to say anything in particular, but I never want my outfit to say I’m a mess.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

I have never thought about my personal style as something I came into, nor have I related it to a specific point in time. As soon as I was able to dress myself, I did. I was super opinionated (read: annoying) about my clothing as a child. My mom says I was about five when I started refusing to wear the outfits she picked out for me. I vividly remember being so anal about my butterfly clips (they had to match my outfit) and rolling down my socks so they looked like doughnuts. I was the same way with my Barbies and American Girl dolls. I can remember so many instances as a child when I was obsessed with something super specific. I can still remember my favorite shirt and how I needed Old Navy flip flops in every color. I think I correlate my style to a strong sense of self, which I owe to my mama and papa.

For me, clothes/style is almost always an extension of whatever I am feeling and what mood I’m in. I would say 85 percent of the time, you can tell what’s going on with me by looking at what I’m wearing, but that connection can be really empowering. There have been countless times when I’ve used an outfit to fake a good mood. If I’m having a terrible day or really upset about something, I’ll wear clothes that are super bright or put extra effort into assembling an outfit — something I know I will like if I catch a glimpse of my reflection, or something that might solicit a positive comment from someone else. The latter example may sound silly, but sometimes you need a compliment or validation, and that’s okay. It always helps improve my mood.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

I feel like the best version of myself in a great dress. I feel powerful, attractive and feminine.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

I want this outfit to say I’m really sweet — but also don’t mess with me.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

I’ve always been into fashion, but for most of my teenage years, I felt really excluded from it. I think after moving to New York after college and landing my first fashion PR gig, I started to see how I could carve out my own path and make fashion work for me. Now, my clothes are usually an expression of how I feel at any given moment. Today a dress, tomorrow track pants and a head wrap, who can say?

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

To me, this outfit is the perfect balance of dressy and playful. I’m a control freak who feels the most at ease when her apartment is cleaned and her pencils are sharpened. On the other hand, I hate routine, love to be thrown out of my comfort zone and really need my freedom. I’m also a bon vivant; I love to dress up as if I’m going to a cocktail party even though it’s a normal Tuesday and I need to see the dentist. I guess this outfit pretty much reflects that: the ironed shirt (stolen from my dad), ’60s Prada skirt and white Neous mules represent my love of orderliness. But the shirt is tied the other way round, the mules have globe-shaped heels and my earrings look like grapes — they supply the requisite dose of fun I long for not only when I get dressed, but also generally in life.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

“I’m a disco ball who loves writing to-do lists.”

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

I’ve always had a penchant for elegant and glamorous clothes. I understood early on, probably mostly from watching my mother get dressed, that fashion has the power to counter the mundanity of everyday life — it’s a form of escape. I’ve had some confused phases (like after the movie Juno came out in 2008 and for three days all I wanted to wear were hoodies and ill-fitting jeans), but recently, maybe over the last two years, I’ve really come to understand what kind of clothes are “me.” I think that transition had a lot to do with accepting the feminine body I live in instead of trying to hide it. I realized I feel much better in a beautiful skirt that suits my shape than I do in a pair of heroin-chic ripped jeans.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

The print of the skirt, sunglasses and bag all make me so happy. They definitely give off a vacation vibe. I’m also obsessed with these Reebok pumps. Not only are they on trend, but they are also really supportive for my messed-up feet. Plus, you can’t go wrong with a Nudes sweatshirt.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

That I’m fun … and maybe that I hail from Italy.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

I’ve always had my own style. I used to wear tennis dresses a lot even though I hadn’t stepped on a court in years. And I went through a phase of exclusively wearing jodhpurs (riding pants) in a rainbow of colors. I’ve always thought of clothes as a bit of costume and a way to have fun. I think my clothes represent how I feel inside — loud, happy, colorful and permanently on vacation.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

This outfit is special because it cost me less than $40 to put it together. It also combines my two favorite things: thrifty prices and special pieces. The sweater is Forever 21, the skirt is thrifted, earrings are Machete and the Rachel Comey shoes were thrifted for $17.50!

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

This outfit (hopefully) says that I love to play with silhouette, color and texture, and that I’m put-together yet fun.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

I came into my style when I got my first regular job at Urban Outfitters my senior year in high school. I suddenly had all this disposable income plus 40 percent off merchandise, so I took full advantage and started dressing more on trend. I finally nailed my style when I moved to New York. I worked at Opening Ceremony, and I was surrounded by beautiful clothes, shoes and people for 8+ hours a day. All of that exposure rubbed off on me, and I began wearing what made me feel good.

I used to fiend for designer clothes until I got them and realized designer clothes are nice but are not everything. I buy what makes me feel special. People seem to gravitate towards my style because they can sense that I’m comfortable. I’m not trying to one-up anyone else. Style can be great and low-key at the same time.

Tell me about your outfit and why it makes you feel like your best self.

I took this mirror selfie after dropping my kid off at kindergarten. I hadn’t showered or put on any makeup, which is very typical for a weekday morning as I prefer using my time to cuddle with my kid and make him food and convince him that it’s a really cool idea to brush his teeth and put clothes on instead of going to school naked. After all that I barely have a minute to get ready, so I literally wear whatever I see first, which is usually something lying on the floor from the night before. Ironically, getting dressed under these circumstances is always when I feel my absolute best. I didn’t waste a second on my outfit, so it’s comfortable and not overly styled. I felt like a good mum and ready to hustle for work.

What do you want this outfit to say about you?

That I don’t give too many fucks (I didn’t necessarily want it to say that, but I think it did just because I really didn’t give any). I can be wearing something not at all fancy and still feel 100 percent awesome, though.

At what point in your life did you really start to come into your own in terms of your style and why/what shaped that process?

When I became a mother, for sure. I just have so much less time to overthink things, and I also like my body much more. I have come to embrace how it feels to be a woman, which makes wearing clothes so much easier. I have a lot of fun with my style. I dress up like the character I want to feel like that day. Sometimes it’s a conservative WASP-y mom, but more often than not it’s just Stella — a.k.a. the sum of 25 different personas all wrapped in Jacquemus.