#neither is this but. just. it's not just about how i perceive her age it's about her personality and how she would never EVER choose to be

[anpiels]

[cesium-sheep]

"should be pursued aggressively" oh okay so we're making it explicit now. cool. great. awesome. gotta fuckin deal with that shit now. neato.

[darkmatilda]

𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: you join the team as a replacement after jj's departure. despite the initial stress and difficulties adapting, you manage to fully connect with the rest of the team. more than that—you make friends. and fall in love. but after unexpected events and returns, your time with them comes to an end—because, in the end, you were only a placeholder.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐭𝐰: spencer reid x bau!female reader, reader is an anxious overthinker whom i want to hug so badly, my intention was not to antagonize jj and i don't want it to be perceived that way, possibly incorrect infodump about tiramisu—offended italians, please don’t come to my house with torches and forks, melancholic, sad ending aka matilda's standard

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 5.3k

𝐚/𝐧: anon's request

6 months ago…

If you look at it in a certain way, almost everything started with tiramisu. Or rather, it started with your conversation with Penelope—overheard by Rossi—where you boasted about being an expert at making this Italian dessert. Or perhaps the most accurate statement would be that it started with JJ. After all, you were brought into the Behavioral Analysis Unit as her replacement — their new, young media liaison, meant to gain more experience through the role. 

Anyway, that Saturday evening, you felt a slight chill on your shoulders as you stepped out of the car, clutching a massive tray of freshly made tiramisu and silently praying not to drop it before making it inside. Rossi’s house—excuse me, his mansion—truly looked impressive.

 You couldn’t say you weren’t nervous. In fact, you were absolutely terrified—and not because of what the senior member of your new team might say about your baking skills. It was something else entirely.Eeryone had been invited that evening, including the team members you hadn’t yet gotten to know outside of work. Your relationship with them was strictly professional, and more often than not, you caught yourself wanting to appear flawless in their eyes. To prove that, despite your lack of experience, you were worthy of taking on this role. That, despite your relatively young age, you were mature and responsible.

So yes, you were nervous. In fact, the anxiety grew with every step you took toward the door, your grip on the tray tightening until your knuckles turned white.That didn’t stop you from almost dropping it when you suddenly jumped at the sound of your name spoken from behind.

 "Oh my—" you gasped, inhaling sharply, instinctively wanting to clutch your chest—except both your hands were occupied.

Spencer Reid's brown eyes widened as he realized just how badly he had startled you.

 "Sorry, I didn’t mean to—"

"It’s fine," you assured him, nodding a little too quickly. You took a slower breath, feeling slightly embarrassed. You worked with people who hunted serial killers for a living, delved into the darkest, most nightmarish cases—and yet, you nearly had a heart attack just because someone called your name.

 In your defense, you were a woman alone at night, and a tray of tiramisu wasn’t exactly the deadliest weapon.Noticing the guilt still lingering on his face, you forced a smile and lifted the tray slightly. "I mean it. As long as I didn’t drop the cake, everything’s fine."

He stood before you with his hands tucked into the pockets of his dark coat, a purple scarf draped around his neck. The corners of his lips lifted slightly at your response, but you knew it was just a polite gesture—there was nothing particularly amusing about what you’d said.

You suddenly became aware of the silence stretching between you, neither of you moving, the moment teetering on the edge of awkwardness. You cleared your throat. Maybe you should compliment the scarf. You couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated by him. 

After all, this was Dr. Spencer Reid—the man whose name had once reached your ears and settled somewhere in your thoughts, cementing itself under the label of genius. That was the lens through which you saw him, having yet to familiarize yourself with any of his other traits.

What you had noticed, however, was that he seemed to prefer keeping you at a distance. And yes, it all traced back to your first meeting—your first greeting, your first outstretched hand, and the first, slightly awkward:

It’s actually safer to kiss.

“You think we’re the first ones here?" you asked, just before pressing the doorbell. Then, hesitating, you bit the inside of your cheek. "Actually…maybe we’re a little too early." 

"I think we’re fine," he replied. "Rossi said eight."

You gave a small nod. The door swung open.

“What are you doing here so early?" You and Spencer exchanged a glance.

"If I remember correctly—and I do—you said eight. It’s eight."

"Decent people show up fashionably late."

"And then you’d complain that the younger generation doesn’t respect your time."

You watched the exchange in silence, noticing the flicker of amusement in both men’s eyes. Of course, they weren’t actually arguing—just friendly banter. Still, something about it caught your attention. You wondered if you’d ever feel comfortable enough around them to join in like that.

He stepped aside to let you both in, and as you crossed the threshold, you realized you hadn’t said a word yet. 

“As promised," you started, nodding toward the dessert in your hands. "My specialty."

Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

"We’ll see about that. “

But he did take the tray from you while you slipped off your coat. 

"I was actually about to make an important call," he announced. "Before someone decided to show up early. So, if you’ll excuse me, you’ll have to entertain yourselves for a bit. Be so kind as not to destroy my kitchen. Everyone else should be here soon."

And with that, he simply left you there. 

Reid clearly knew his way around the house—he had to—because without hesitation, he led you straight to the kitchen, where you set the dessert down on the black marble countertop. And just like that, the two of you were left alone, connected by a slightly awkward silence.

"Maybe I should cut it," you mused, your gaze falling on the tiramisu. "Rossi wouldn’t mind if I used his knives, right?" 

"I don’t think so," he said, standing on the other side of the kitchen island, made of white wood with plenty of drawers.

To your surprise, you realized he was watching your movements. He, on the other hand, didn’t seem to realize that you noticed it from the corner of your eye. Or maybe you were imagining it, but you could swear you heard him swallow.

"You know, there are many theories about when and how tiramisu was actually invented," he remarked.

 "I don't think I've heard any of them," you admitted, glancing around for a knife. "I mean, I can make it, but I can’t explain…the historical context behind it" 

He leaned his elbows on the counter, briefly lowering his gaze to his hands. The sleeves of his purple shirt remained slightly rolled up, not quite reaching his wrists.

"It originated in Italy, of course. And the most popular version says it was invented in the 1960s in Treviso. At least, before that period, the name doesn’t appear in any sources."

Focused on cutting the cake evenly, unconsciously sticking out the tip of your tongue, you couldn’t muster any reaction, but you listened intently. Spencer, however, seemed to think otherwise—after briefly glancing at your face, he looked away, apparently deciding to drop the topic.

"What does it mean?" you asked. Your eyes met, and for a moment, he looked surprised. "I mean, what does the name mean?" you clarified with a gentle smile. "I should probably expand my knowledge. What if Rossi decides to quiz me?"

After a brief moment, a small, friendly smile bloomed on his lips.

"Well, in that case, I’ll do my best to prepare you."

You hadn’t been working together for long, but even so, you had already discovered—fascinated—that he was a true wellspring of knowledge, with no apparent limits to his mind. Sometimes, he would lose his train of thought—you had noticed that too. And sometimes, he would stumble when he realized it himself. You found it somewhat endearing. Or at the very least, well…you liked listening to it.

Somewhere around the time you had been acquainted with three theories about its origin, the etymology of its name, the original recipe and its variations, as well as a few interesting fun facts about tiramisu—which you listened to without even realizing that you were still holding the knife despite having finished cutting the cake—the sound of the host’s footsteps reached you. But they weren’t headed in your direction. Instead, he made his way to the door to let the other guests in.

You tried to relax your shoulders, aiming to appear at ease. Bodies are often treacherous and rarely care about how you wish to be perceived. Instead, they ignore your intentions and take cues from your subconscious—and subconsciously, you were stressed.

You quietly scolded yourself, shaking your head slightly. After all, they were all profilers—experts at reading body language. As if on cue, just as the thought crossed your mind, you accidentally caught Reid’s gaze fixed on you. You shrugged, the corners of your lips lifting slightly, feigning ignorance.

Truthfully, you weren’t entirely sure what was going through your own head. Maybe it was that deep-seated belief that you always had to present yourself at your best—worthy of this job. Even though this was supposed to be a casual gathering, off the clock, in your free time.

“You guys already here?” Prentiss raised an eyebrow, glancing between you and Spencer on opposite sides of the kitchen island. Hotch followed behind her, nodding in greeting. “We’re not late, are we?”

“We’re late?” Penelope’s voice rang out as she peeked into the room, her head appearing in the doorway. She stopped short, and Morgan, walking right behind her, gently grabbed her shoulders to keep from bumping into her.

“It’s just me, baby girl,” he reassured her, a faint smirk on his lips. “Or maybe too much me, judging by that jump. Hey, everyone. Reid. New girl. Good to see you. Not sick of us yet after this week, are you?"

"Oh, come on, don’t act like we’re that unbearable," Prentiss chided, shooting him a look.

By then, everyone had made their way inside, starting to take seats on the high bar stools. You stood there, returning smiles and greetings, and let Garcia pull you into a hug. Derek called you New girl. While you'd grown to like him, the nickname didn’t sit quite right with you. It highlighted your place in the team, making it clear that you weren’t quite like the rest of them.

"Actually, the way we perceive ourselves can be different from how we really are, simply because of how much time we spend together," Spencer mused aloud.

"You might be onto something," Morgan nodded at him, then turned his gaze back to you. "Let’s get an outside opinion. Are we unbearable?"

"You are," Rossi confirmed immediately, not even glancing up from the wine bottle in his hands, likely searching for the vintage.

"I said outside opinion."

Then, all the curious gazes had settled on you. Up until now, your hands had rested casually on the counter, but you pulled them away to hide how anxiously they were moving. Spencer tracked the motion with his eyes—something you caught in your peripheral vision, and you had to resist the urge to curse under your breath. Hiding your anxiety from these people, especially from him, was proving harder than you’d expected.

You hesitated, searching for the perfect answer. You often caught yourself doing this in social situations—as if this were a test question with only one correct response, rather than a casual conversation where anything you said would be fine as long as it was honest.

That evening, everyone seemed to be in good spirits. They were joking easily, teasing one another, and now that all their attention was focused on you, you wanted to say something that would blend you into the moment, something that would break the ice. This was your first time meeting outside of work.

But the longer you stayed silent, the more the right words slipped away from you. It was like a black curtain had suddenly dropped over your mind.

"Who wants to try the tiramisu?" you blurted out at last.

An unbearable awkwardness tightened around your chest—but then, to your surprise, Prentiss laughed, setting off the rest of the group.

"I’m not accepting this subject change," Morgan shook his head.

"I, on the other hand, think it was a good move. Almost diplomatic," Spencer countered. His gaze flickered toward you for a brief second, and you caught something there—though you weren’t entirely sure what. Understanding, maybe? Either way, you felt the urge to flash a grateful smile at both him and Emily.

But Spencer quickly refocused on Derek, directing his next words at him. "Because the real answer could be…” he lowered his voice dramatically,  "…mercilessly brutal."

“Oh, you’re all wrong," Penelope rolled her eyes. "Obviously, she was going to say she’s already fallen in love with all of us. Right, sweetheart?" She turned to you but didn’t wait for an answer—actually, you didn’t even have time to move, let alone speak. "See? Just like I said. Now, let’s try that cake, because I can’t stand the way it’s looking at me with those heavenly little eyes..."

The tight, complicated knot in your stomach started to loosen, little by little. Garcia’s suggestion was met with general enthusiasm and quickly turned into action. Naturally, Rossi had to be the first to take a bite. Everyone’s eyes locked onto him as he slowly swallowed a microscopic piece, as if he were some renowned food critic. You could see amusement on everyone’s faces—even Hotch’s—which was a completely new experience for you.

After a long, tension-filled moment, Rossi gave a slight nod of approval.

You placed a hand over your chest in mock relief.

“That’s the proudest I’ve felt since I got my diploma," you said casually—straightforward, natural, without overthinking.

Maybe you really were starting to open up.

Time moved forward at a gentle pace, and while you didn’t suddenly become the life of the party, the friendly atmosphere started to get to you. You all opened the bottle of wine the host had brought, raising your glasses in a toast to whatever came to mind—after all, there was no real occasion to celebrate.

You noticed that Spencer wasn’t drinking, but he still joined in, lifting a handful of chips instead. The sight made you smile softly before you could stop yourself.

He noticed you watching him. In the background, conversation buzzed, someone laughed loudly, but for a moment, it felt like the two of you were elsewhere.

“Well…” he started, swallowing nervously. You hoped he didn’t feel pressured into making conversation just because you were looking at him. Though, another thought crept in—what other reason could he have for feeling awkward? Only after a beat did you realize that you often felt that way too, for no particular reason. That was just how you were. Apparently, so was he.

“What did you do before?” he asked, then immediately backtracked. “I mean, I know what, of course I know—that’s public information, if you know what I mean. I just meant more like…” He sighed, lowering his gaze for a second, as if exhausted by his own rambling. Then, he tried again, slower this time. “I meant, how do you feel about it? And about the change?”

His question piqued the interest of the others, their gazes shifting back to you. Whatever had momentarily set the two of you apart from the group vanished in an instant.

Just as you opened your mouth to respond, a sound cut through the conversation.

“That’s mine, sorry,” Prentiss apologized, reaching into her pocket for her ringing phone. She didn’t even glance at the screen at first, her thumb already poised to decline the call—until she hesitated. Her expression shifted in an instant, lighting up with surprise. “Oh my God, it’s JJ!”

Everyone reacted similarly, and you tried to mirror their excitement, summoning a smile to your face—though it lacked sincerity. It wasn’t out of any personal dislike toward Jareau; nothing like that. You had met her, of course—you were taking her place, after all, and she had to introduce you to everything quickly. But it hadn’t been enough to form a deep friendship, or any friendship at all. That made you the only one in this group who felt completely neutral about her.

“Oh, you have to answer,” Penelope urged, nodding enthusiastically. “Totally. And tell her I say hi!”

“And me,” Spencer and Morgan added almost simultaneously.

“From all of us,” Hotch clarified, with Rossi confirming it with a nod.

Prentiss stood from her seat, clearly intending to step out of the kitchen to take the call in private—it was meant for her, after all. But just before she left, she hesitated in the doorway, as if mentally going over the instructions.

“Say hi from everyone. Got it,” she muttered under her breath.

“Especially from Penelope.”

“And from—”

“Everyone. Got it.”

When Prentiss’ dark hair disappeared from view, a brief silence settled over the group, broken only by Garcia’s deep sigh.

“I miss her. A lot.”

“It’s not like she died, babygirl,” Derek responded with a teasing edge, though something in his tone—between the words—carried a similar feeling.

“Ugh, you know what I mean,” Garcia huffed at him. “I miss having her with us. At work. In the team. Remember…remember how she always used to…”

She drifted into a story, weaving nostalgic but ultimately amused expressions onto her friends’ faces. You caught a glimpse of Spencer out of the corner of your eye, wondering if he still remembered the question he had asked you before the phone rang. But his gaze was fixed on Garcia, listening to her tale with a small smile forming at the corners of his lips.

You tuned out for a moment, lost in your own thoughts, only to be pulled back to reality by an outburst of laughter. You had missed a good chunk of the story—though you weren’t sure if it mattered. Some anecdotes, especially the ones built on shared memories, were meant for everyone’s ears but truly reached only those who had been there. You suspected this was one of them, but still, you joined in on the laughter. Even if you hadn’t caught the joke, you didn’t want to dampen the mood with a blank expression.

You tried to push away the feeling of not belonging. It was difficult at first, but then you realized—that wasn’t the way. You couldn’t push it away; you had to accept it. Because the truth was, you didn’t quite belong. Or rather, you hadn’t belonged long enough. That was natural. You would feel this way for who knows how long, but certainly for a while. As long as the nickname New Girl still clung to you.

Surprisingly, that very acceptance made the rest of the evening easier to get through. Prentiss returned after a while, briefly summarizing what JJ had been up to, but the conversation didn’t linger on her. The knot in your stomach didn’t tighten again. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was something else. Maybe, for the first time, you were starting to feel okay.

*

now 

You recalled that specific moment in your memories, simultaneously sinking into it as if it were happening in real time, yet with the suffocating weight of reality breathing down your neck—a voice whispering that it was just a memory.

If it were happening now, Emily wouldn’t have left the room to take the call. No phone would have even rung. Emily was gone. You had just been to her funeral.

At an hour when most people were deep in sleep, when street advertisements and billboards cut through the darkness, illuminating the city more effectively than the stars ever could, you were half-sitting, half-lying on your bed, your back pressed against the headboard. The dark room was filled with nothing but shapes, mere outlines of furniture—just like your mind was filled only with fragments and silhouettes of thoughts. Frayed, scattered, following no chronology or pattern.

It had been six months since you joined the BAU. Some might say that’s not enough time to form real friendships. But in a job where you could die any day, six months was plenty. In those circumstances, attachment only formed faster.

Your eyelids burned with exhaustion, but you couldn’t close them. With a heavy weight in your chest, for reasons you couldn’t quite explain, you kept replaying that moment—that evening at Rossi’s. Those conversations echoed vividly in your mind, but over time, they began to fade, pushed aside by another sound.

Breathing.

Not yours.

Oh. Right.

That night, you didn’t sleep alone.

While you sat on the bed, Spencer lay on his side, his back turned to you, his head resting somewhere near your hip. You weren’t sure how it had happened.

Sleeping in the same bed wasn’t something natural for the two of you—not as just friends. Though over the past two months, that label might have been debatable in the eyes of many. You had never really defined it between yourselves, so you kept calling it friendship.

You weren’t exactly sure how it had happened that night, specifically. After the funeral, after that entire exhausting day, when the sun had set, you had somehow, instinctively, ended up moving in the same direction—toward his apartment. And somehow, instinctively, you had kept postponing the moment of leaving. But when it finally came, his lips had somehow, instinctively, formed the word stay.

So you stayed, changing out of your funeral attire into one of his random T-shirts, the scent of it tickling your nose as you finally lay down, your back turned to him.

You knew he wasn’t asleep either, but what could you say? What could you do? In moments like these, everyone was alone in their own way. Maybe that was why it was so important to have someone there, physically—but even that didn’t quite apply to your situation. His bed wasn’t huge, but it was big enough that neither of you touched. So, in a way, you were alone in both senses, but it didn’t sting as much, mostly because of the scent surrounding you, wrapping around you like an embrace.

You even managed to close your eyes—not that it meant you’d actually sleep. In fact, you felt just as far from it as when they were wide open. At least they didn’t burn anymore.

At some point—after an amount of time you couldn’t track—the scent deepened, became stronger. You tensed, unsure why, until it finally dawned on you with a quiet exhale.

It wasn’t just the scent of his T-shirt. It was him.

Moving closer.

First just slightly, then more. Until eventually, his arm draped over your curled-up frame, his hand settling somewhere against your stomach, where the fabric of the blanket bunched up. 

A delicate tickle against your neck. His breath, his head almost nestled in the crook of it.

Definitely awake—you could tell by the rhythm.

And it was him. Spencer.

It’s actually safer to kiss Spencer.

"Are you awake?" he asked, so quietly the words barely brushed the air. There was a chance they hadn’t even spoken at all. Maybe it was just the sound of his breath, somehow resembling them. Maybe it was just your exhausted imagination.

Still, you chose to answer.

"No," you murmured. "I can't sleep."

"Me neither," he added, though that much was obvious. A shift of his head, an unconscious brush against your neck, sending the faintest shiver down your spine. “Does this bother you?"

"It’s nice," you said softly, unsure of what else you could add. You didn’t really want to speak. His words melted smoothly into the quiet, while yours cut through it—harsh, even when you tried to whisper.

Maybe he took it as hesitation, because his body tensed for a brief second before he started to pull away.

"No…" You tried to stop him, your hand catching his forearm—the one holding you. "Just…stay."

"Oh. Okay."

As if following your request to the letter, he stayed exactly where he was. More than that, he seemed to settle into it even further. The pressure of his chest against your back felt good. You heard him swallow, close to your ear. “Th-thank you. I don’t think…I don’t think I could—I don’t think I’d be able to fall asleep alone. Not tonight.”

You didn’t let go of his hand. Instead, you just adjusted your grip, holding it more comfortably.

*

And just when you were starting to come to terms with it, you suddenly found out that Emily was still alive. You could say she had never died, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. Well, in a way, yes—her body never stopped functioning, nor was it buried in a coffin. But in your minds, in your belief, in your feelings, it was different. You buried her and went through the grieving process. To you, she was dead.

When she reappeared, everything was too chaotic to dwell on it. There was no shock, no tears—you had your hands full, focused on capturing Doyle.

The realization of it all began to sink in for you, as well as for the rest of the team, only later. She had faked her death. She had allowed you to mourn her. And what was even more shocking to you—JJ had known all along. You knew the two of them trusted each other deeply, but in some way, you couldn't grasp it. How she could stand beside you at the funeral, shedding a few tears, offering comforting pats on the back. How she could keep up the act for days, weeks, and months.

You knew Spencer was furious with her. It was obvious—the anger was clear in his eyes. But even if he had tried to hide it, you would have known. Because ever since Emily's supposed death, the two of you had grown even closer.

Nights spent side by side had become something that no longer required a quiet request; they had become entirely natural for you both. That was how you saw it—a way for two friends to cope with grief and sleepless hours.

You probably should have talked about your relationship. It was something you thought about often—when his sleepy breath brushed against your neck, when his lips occasionally grazed it while he spoke. You should have talked, but that didn’t mean you did.

Maybe you were both too focused on other things to worry about your feelings for each other.

Either way, at first, he was furious with her. You accidentally overheard part of their argument about it, just as you were also an accidental witness to the embrace they pulled each other into when they finally decided to let it go.

A certain skepticism lingered within you. Of course, you didn’t want to dictate whom he could forgive or what he was allowed to demand—that was his decision alone. You understood that. And yet, you couldn’t stop thinking about how you were the one who had watched what those past months had done to him. How close he had come to slipping back into that. 

When his relationship with JJ had finally returned to normal, you couldn’t hold back anymore—you tried to bring it up.

All you got in response was You wouldn’t understand.

And perhaps he was right. Some things simply weren’t yours to understand—not as someone who had only recently entered his life. Unlike JJ, you hadn’t been there for years.

As they quickly rebuilt their trust, their dynamic, their friendship, a strange, somber thought crossed your mind. You started wondering if, from the very beginning, you had only been filling the space she left behind—just as you had done with the team, stepping into her role.

Before, you had convinced yourself that his friendship with her was entirely different from what he had with you. Because with you, you had foolishly believed, it wasn’t just friendship.

But the more time passed, the more you started to realize that maybe—maybe that had only ever been wishful thinking.

These were the kind of worries you kept entirely to yourself, but at the same time, they gnawed at you from the inside, needing to be shared with someone.

You wanted to talk to someone about it, but there was no one to turn to. I mean, everything was the same as always. Everyone loved JJ—they never stopped—and you were the new, younger girl who might have seemed like she was speaking badly about her out of pure, immature jealousy.

Until now, aside from Spencer, the person you were closest to was Prentiss, but for obvious reasons, you couldn’t go to her. Besides, she would have chosen JJ over you too. That was undeniable.

And that’s how, somehow, you ended up standing outside Penelope’s office, telling yourself that maybe she would understand.

But just as you were about to open the door, doubt crept in. You sighed and leaned your back against the wall. Maybe, when it came to this, there was simply no one on the team you could turn to.

You abandoned the idea entirely, yet your feet refused to move. There was so much internal, mental exhaustion weighing you down. So many sleepless nights, so much stress and worry, so much uncertainty and so many questions.

You heard footsteps approaching. Turning your head to the side, you saw Hotch stopping just two steps away from you. For a moment, he simply looked at you in silence, studying your face.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," you replied flatly. You couldn’t breathe properly. You already knew—had known the moment he stopped—that he wasn’t here to ask about how you were feeling.

"Just tired."

He gave a slow nod.

"I need to have a word with you."

Pressing your teeth into the inside of your cheek, you nodded back.

*

You didn’t actually keep many personal things in the office.

You made sure the rest of the team had been sent out into the field before you started packing them into a small box. They fit easily—it wasn’t even heavy. And yet, as you stared at it sitting on your desk, it felt impossibly difficult to lift.

You guessed flawlessly what Hotch wanted to talk to you about because, in a way, it was obvious.

JJ was back. Emily was back. The team had too many members now, and someone had to go. And the choice was just as obvious.

Honestly, you weren’t even angry. It had to be you—the placeholder.

But if you were aware of that, why did something bitter nest in your throat?      

Before you could take even two steps forward toward the exit, Spencer had already reached you, hesitantly extending his hands.

 "Let me help—"

 "No need," you said, tucking the box under your arm, keeping it out of his reach.

For a moment, you both just stared at each other in silence. You had no idea what to say. In fact, it was hard to even look at him. That was why you wanted to do this alone—to just leave quietly. You didn't even know why he was there. You must have miscalculated something, or maybe they had simply come back earlier.

His lips pressed into a thin line, and for a moment, he, too, remained silent. Walking past him now would signal anger, resentment—but that wasn’t exactly what you felt. So you stood in front of him, waiting for him to speak.

"You're leaving," he finally said, swallowing hard. A statement of fact he could have easily left unsaid. Adjusting the box in your arms, you simply nodded.

"I mean—what I wanted to say is… just remember that you're my friend. And I hope you still will be, even…even if we’re not working together. This doesn’t really change anything."

But if you hadn’t worked together, you never would have met. Never would have grown close. Besides, it wasn’t even the job that had stood in your way. It was something else—something simpler, because it depended only on the two of you, yet for that very reason, it was also much more complicated. Specifically, communication.

"I know," you admitted with a slight nod, though without much conviction.

Spencer tried to smile, briefly catching your gaze—one you immediately dropped to the box in your hands before he could read anything from your eyes.

"I have to go now. This is starting to get a little heavy."

"You know, I can really help you—"

"It's fine," you cut him off firmly. "It's really fine, Spencer."

He let out a quiet sigh of surrender as you headed toward the exit.

[varpusvaras]

At this point, for me, one of the most interesting paralles in Ace Attorney is actually Mia and Miles and Maya and Franziska.

They both start their careers for very similar reasons - Because of DL-6, because they lost their parents, because their families have long-running discourses in them. These things also shape their law careers a lot: Mia chose to be a defense attorney and Miles a prosecutor because of how their shared past affected them.

They meet for the first time in court on the opposite sides, and both go through a really messed up first trial that ends up with neither of them winning.

Most interestingly, for me, as an older sibling, is the fact that they are both the older sibling in their families.

Especially what hits close to home for me is the fact that they are the much older older siblings in the family. I have a similar age gap with my younger siblings as Mia and Maya have, and the one Miles and Franziska have is not that far off, either. I moved away from home when I was 16, on top of the large age gap, so my youngest sibling was a literal toddler when I left.

I can't help but feel like I've left them behind in some way.

This sentiment is very much echoed in text with Miles and Franziska. Franziska feels like Miles has abandoned him, gotten the attention of their father, the one thing she wanted, by just the virtue of being first (this is not the whole truth, but for a kid, the perceived truth is in practise the very same as the real truth). Miles does care about her, of course, but he is a traumatised and messy person who largely sees things from his own perspective, especially as a young adult, and thinks mainly about how he is supposed to do things and how he is supposed to operate his own life. Franziska does get left behind in all of that, and the resentment she feels is completely valid. It's maybe not fair to Miles, who did not ask for the many horrible things that drive him forward, but it does not mean that Franziska should just be understanding of his feelings to the ends of the universe, without ever feeling anything herself.

And then there's Mia and Maya.

Mia had, arguably, very noble reasons for moving away from their home. She wanted to find out what happened to their mother. She wanted to remove herself from the arguably very toxic situation that was primed for pitting her and Maya against each other, in order to lift Maya up. They are still in contact with each other, and are very much in good terms.

Mia still, just by being so much older and by removing herself so thoroughly from their home, left Maya behind.

Maya does not show any resentment about this outright, but when reading very closely between the lines, you notice that she is anxious and worried about her future, about the rest of her family, about her own abilities, about...everything. She hides all of this very effectively behind her otherwise bubbly personality, but it does end up coming through, especially towards the end of the first game. She has a lot on her shoulders, and she feels inadequate to deal with all of it. Her home is not really supportive either: the other adult in her life, her aunt, does not hold any true affection towards her, and most likely cannot show the type of support that Maya needs, either. If she could, Maya would not be saying things like "I wish that I hadn't woken up at all" when faced with things she perceives as failures.

No matter her reasons, no matter how much they love each other, Mia still left Maya behind.

And there they are: Mia Fey and Miles Edgeworth, standing on the opposite sides of the courtroom, one of them barreling head first into the tragedy that binds them together, and one of them running away from it as far as possible, while being chained to the ball.

[sisyphusunderthesun]

Honestly, the age gap hysteria is getting on my nerves. A character can't call another character "kid" or "son" without being accused of pedophilia. Are teenagers or anyone who thinks so really that stupid these days or do they just rarely go outside to listen to people of any age talk?

It's also weird that a 10 year age difference, when one character is 21+ and the other is 30, is perceived as a crime, but if there is a 6,000 year age difference between characters (but they look the same age) then it's not considered a crime. So what's more important, the biological age difference or how the characters look? Or both? Because people usually justify a 6,000 year age difference by saying that the characters are just different species. Different species, yeah.

But Hank and Connor are also different species that develop differently. Look, Connor is an android detective, he is approximately 30 years old by human standards, not 20, not 25. He's at least 30 (because they won’t create an android to work in the police, who will not be perceived as an adult experienced man) because he was created that way. He is already both mentally and physically a fully grown man. He does not need life experience to be with Hank, no matter how much people argue that “well, he is so new in this world”, he does not need to develop mentally to be with Hank, he is already an adult and developed enough to love one specific person, their relationship can be romantic right after Chicken Feed and there is nothing wrong with that, simply because Connor is an adult, but for some reason people vehemently deny it, resorting to the argument “but he is zero years old!” Okay… so you're saying that Connor is too childlike to love Hank, but old enough to fuck Gavin, who is 36, just because they look the same age? So… the age difference and Connor's physical age doesn't matter as long as the characters look young enough? Because by that logic, any human would be a pedophile if they got into a relationship with any android, since the age difference would be huge anyway. But for some reason, people are very diligent in ignoring this.

But Connor and Hank are different species, and androids develop millions of times faster than humans, Connor doesn't need to learn anything (he already understands what a consent is) to understand morality and understand what and who he wants.

I'll give an example from comic/cartoon series named Invincible. There's a moment when a humanoid man, who can literally live for thousands of years, married a humanoid woman whose lifespan is only one year, 365 human days, that is, imagine how quickly her race develops both physically and mentally. But according to the logic of those same people, this would be pedophilia, although these are just two different species of living beings that develop differently.

But for some reason people still ignore such moments.

I'll give an example from the Lord of the Rings. Arwen was 2690 years older than Aragorn, but just because they looked about the same age, no one cares. But elves don't age, so after living with Arwen for 120 years, Aragorn really did age, while Arwen always looked young. In their case, neither appearance nor age mattered (and I won't go into detail about the fact that Aragorn was 87 at the time of the story).

But if looks matter… and physical age doesn't, why does everyone care that Connor is 4 months old if he's an adult by default like any other newly created android? Why do people want to infantilize Connor in particular (especially when it comes to his relationship with Hank), but at the same time no one ever considers rk900/Markus/Simon/Jericho/Kara etc. from that perspective?Markus can lead the revolution, rk900 can have as lover whoever he wants, Kara can be a mother, and only Connor cannot be an adult and sleep with one human if the human is Hank?

And if looks matter… what about people who, due to the peculiarities of their bodies, will always look like teenagers until old age in essence? There is a girl who is in her twenties (22-26, I'm not sure), she will always look like a teenager, does this mean that she is not worthy of love and relationships with men her age? Because when she started dating a guy her own age, this guy was bullied, accused of pedophilia (although it is not only looks that matter in pedophilia), and they had to break up. So if looks are important, then by this logic this girl should only date teenagers who match her in appearance? But in that case, it would also be morally wrong on her part? Make up your mind, people. Especially when it comes to fictional characters who, according to canon, are adults.

[leiascully]

X-Files OctoberFicFest Day 10: Aurora Borealis

They climb out the window to sit on the roof like teenagers, Scully in the vee of Mulder’s legs with his arms around her. She leans back against his chest. The actual young people are in the back pasture, having a bonfire. Mulder and Jack spent the afternoon watering a wide circle around the fire pit, just in case. Neither of them are under any illusions that the younguns will be on their best behavior. Jack’s a bit of a wild child, for starters, and he’s their child, so he’s too smart for his own good. But they’re both proud of how far he’s come.

Grace is with her Uncle Charlie and her cousins at Maggie’s house. It seemed like the best solution; Jack and his friends are rowdy, and Grace never goes to bed when her brother’s out of the house. She wants to be with him all the time. He tolerates it pretty well, but still, bonfire night isn’t for littles.

“Like old times,” Mulder says in her ear.

“Mm,” she says. “Playing hooky, just the two of us.”

“Better, though,” he says. “Look at what we get to come home to.”

She rubs her hand up and down his thigh. It’s still firm under his jeans. “Too happily ever after for you?”

“Au contraire, mama bear,” he growls softly. “It’s just right.”

She smiles to herself and lets her head loll on his shoulder.

“Do you think it’s going to happen?” he asks.

“If it doesn’t, it’s still nice up here.”

He kisses the side of her head. “It is.”

They sit and wait, watching the sky. It is like old times, in some ways. They used to stargaze like this. She remembers the dancing lights in Idaho. She still can’t explain them, although she has some hypotheses. She flinches sometimes if she sees a satellite—she’s seen Mulder do it too—but tonight she feels entirely safe and utterly content.

“Look.” His voice is hushed. “Oh, Scully, look.”

In the dark sky, a sudden sifting of color: red, purple, pink, green. Sheets of shimmering pigment ripple against the velvet backdrop of the night. It’s gorgeous. It’s unreal. Tears rise in her eyes. She can hear whooping from the back pasture as Jackson and his friends catch sight of the lights.

“I never imagined it would look like this,” Mulder says, awed.

“The radiation from the solar wind excites particles in the plasma of the magnetosphere,” she says. "Those particles precipitate into our atmosphere. Borealis pertains to the wind, but it's really more of a rain, in a way."

“It’s magic,” Mulder says.

“I didn’t say it wasn’t.” She cuddles against him. “When you think about it, the odds are astronomical, Mulder. Here we are, on the roof of our house, after decades of a life where that wasn't even a possibility, on a planet that’s just the right distance from the sun to enjoy the benefits of the radiation, and we evolved such that these lights, this phenomenon, occurs in the visible spectrum of wavelengths that our eyes can see. And we have specialized cells in our eyes that allow us to perceive these specific wavelengths as colors, and a brain that can fill in the shades between.” She tilted her face to kiss the broad sweep of his jaw. “I can call that magic, or even a miracle.”

“I think all of this is a miracle,” he murmurs, wrapping her up in his arms.

She’ll kiss him later, when the lights fade, the two of them mellow with the poignant contentment of middle-age. They’ve earned their peace. For now, they watch the aurora dance, and the stars hold no malice.

[911n234]

Why do we believe Katniss was bad?

Okay, the title might feel a little misleading — and I did that on purpose ;)

Let’s be real: no one outright thinks Katniss was evil or a bad person. But not everyone fully understands her personality, and this often leads to unfair comparisons, especially with Peeta. Why is Peeta placed on a pedestal while Katniss gets labeled as “unworthy”?

1. Katniss is an unreliable narrator

We all know Katniss is her own harshest critic. She relentlessly picks at her flaws, second-guesses her decisions, and downplays her achievements. And let’s not forget: she’s a teenager. Who on Earth actually likes themselves at sixteen? That age is a messy cocktail of insecurity, identity crises, and, for Katniss, literal survival.

Her narration reflects her tendency to diminish herself. She assumes her bravery, self-sacrifice, and quick thinking are things anyone would do in her position. This self-effacing perspective shapes how readers perceive her — because we see her through the lens of her own insecurities.

2. Haymitch’s role in the misconception

Let’s talk about Haymitch. He’s a big factor in how people interpret Katniss. His straightforwardness and willingness to call her out, while often helpful, also feed into this narrative of her supposed unworthiness.

The infamous line — “You could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy” — is a prime example. Many fans took it at face value, interpreting it as a comparison: Peeta is a saint, and Katniss just isn’t good enough. But hold on — what’s Haymitch really saying here?

Haymitch and Katniss are deeply similar, and Katniss acknowledges this herself. Both are survivors shaped by trauma, guilt, and a desperate need to protect the people they love. Haymitch likely projects his own feelings of unworthiness onto Katniss. Maybe he’s reflecting on someone he thought he didn’t deserve. His comment isn’t about Peeta being a perfect angel and Katniss being “less than” — it’s about his own baggage, and Katniss internalizes it the same way she internalizes everything else critical of her (can’t wait for Sunrise on the Reaping!!)

I can’t emphasise enough how much Haymitch affected our perception of Katniss and probably will never find words to describe how perfect it is. I think it was a beautiful way (in the literal sense) to show how deeply they are connected.

3. Katniss puts Peeta on the pedestal first

It’s worth remembering that Katniss is the one who idealizes Peeta before anyone else does. She sees him as her dandelion — a symbol of hope and light. She’s constantly comparing his warmth and kindness to her own pragmatic, survivalist nature.

And, again, she’s a teenager. While Katniss doesn’t seem overly preoccupied with her self-esteem (she has more pressing concerns, like not dying), it’s clear in the way she thinks about herself that she doesn’t feel “enough.” Of course she buys into Haymitch’s comment — it aligns with the narrative she already believes about herself and about Peeta.

4. Neither Katniss nor Peeta are perfect — and that’s why they’re perfect together

Here’s the thing: neither Katniss nor Peeta are saints. They’re flawed, traumatized, and deeply human. And that’s what makes their relationship so compelling.

Katniss is resourceful, fiercely loyal, and willing to do what needs to be done — qualities Peeta admires and needs. Peeta, in turn, is empathetic, kind, and an anchor for Katniss when she’s consumed by fear, despair or anger. Together, they balance each other. They’re partners in every sense, not because one is inherently better or more deserving, but because they make everything work — either it’s their flaws that make them human, demons that haunt them or their best qualities.

So, no, Katniss isn’t “bad,” and she isn’t “unworthy.” She’s just a girl trying to survive, navigate an impossible situation, and protect the people she loves. And for that, we owe her a lot more credit.

[the-last-thread-of-my-sanity]

Little mini-Aruani fic that’s been *dancing* around in my brain

****

Armin rolls his shoulders as he shucks off his coat, the sound of his keys plinking in the bottom of the porcelain dish reminding him that he’s home.

There’s a chill in the air just behind the glass of the front door, but he can smell the lit fire from the den and somewhere in the house he hears a record being played.

Something orchestral and grand- different from the simple village folk music he grew up with in Paradis.

He smiles, peeking down the stairs into the lower floor of their brownstone style house. They had left it open, unfurnished- nothing but the waxed reclaimed wood floors and some sheer curtains on the window.

“Let’s discover what it can be,” he had said to Annie. “We can grow into it.”

After so long in small squalid living quarters, or in communal style barracks- having a house with three floors and a maid’s quarter seemed excessive. Two private bathrooms? A grand showy living area for guests and a private intimate one for the owners? A dining room with a table set for ten? It made him feel too self-important.

He was a soldier- utility made sense to him, not comfort. And certainly not luxury.

So, the empty space on the bottom floor felt right. It felt like an unanswered question. An ellipses at the end of the sentence.

He steps quietly onto the first few stairs beneath the landing, peering through the banisters until he can see Annie.

He stoops to a crouch, lingering.

She’s dancing, he realizes.

A few months ago, he had paid for a ballet instructor to offer her private lessons- as a gift. She was too fit, too flexible, too physically disciplined to be idle- but he wanted her to discover something about herself other than fighting.

She resisted at first, insisting she wasn’t poised or graceful enough. But her instructor, an aging man who smoked thin cigarettes and spoke with a crisp and lilting accent, adored her. He spoke effusively of her ‘lines’ and her core strength.

But Armin had never seen her dance. The instructor came and left while he was at work in the government office down the street- only running into Armin on the sidewalk as they were coming and going.

Now, he watches, his breath slowing and his heart stilling.

She looks as though she’s floating, he thinks. Weightless. Just an ephemeral being gliding across the floor as though she’s skirting on the air.

She pirouettes and leaps and moves her arms along gracefully unseen lines, her eyes closed and head tilted as she gets lost in the music.

Armin swallows- feeling a heavy sensation sinking into his chest. It’s awe, he knows, but also something else.

Gratitude. That she’s alive. That she’s here with him now. Dancing, moving, breathing, sighing… instead of frozen in time and in place.

He’s so grateful that she has this life.

He doesn’t feel the same way about himself. He drags his perceived debt to the world, to his parents, to Mikasa, to Hange, to Erwin.. to Eren.. everywhere he goes.

He could never be as light as Annie looks right now.

But it’s not his job to be, he realizes.

Finally, she stops, and he can see her breaths moving deeply in and out, her ribcage visible in the thin dance clothes. He looks at the arch of her spine as she holds a pose- and then she drops it, shoulders sagging, rolling her neck on her shoulders.

She clears her throat, stretching her arms above her head as she walks over to lift the needle from the record and the music stops.

She turns, and stops short with a little yelp when she sees him on the stairs.

Armin can’t help but laugh.

“You watched me?” She asks, accusing. “I made so many mistakes.”

Armin shakes his head, rising to stand and walk down the stairs. “How would I know? I’m no dancer.”

“Neither am I.” She says, bashful as she looks away from him out the window. The wind is swirling the sycamore leaves from outside along the sidewalk, filling their view of the street with bright yellow shapes catching the late afternoon sun.

“Nonsense.” He says, opening his arms for her to walk into his embrace. She folds into his chest as easy as any other reflex. As easy as blinking or breathing.

He smiles, leaning his cheek on her head as she buries her face into the collar of his shirt, inhaling deeply. Her daily ritual- breathing him in like it was soothing to her lungs.

He understands, he thinks, as he runs her silken hair through his fingers absently. It’s not enough just to see her or hear her alone. He needs to fill his senses with her to reassure himself that she’s truly there.

“So that’s what this bottom floor is now? Your dance studio?” He asks conversationally.

“For now,” she says, tilting her head back to look at him, “until I decide that it’s something else.”

Armin’s lips quirk into a small smile.

“Still want to leave things open-ended, then?” He jokes.

She hums, and he extends his arm up for her twirl underneath it playfully. “I just want to take our time.” She says quietly as she stills.

He nods in understanding, pulling her close again to press a kiss to her lips.

She can be whatever she wants to be. A dancer one day. An artist the next. A musician. A seamstress. A connoisseur of baked pastries…

Just as she was a fighter, first, and then a lover.

Certainly Annie can be anything in the world… as long as she is his.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Ive been thinking about my witch's road au idea of Lena travelling the road with the other covenless witches. Some of the new thoughts include Lena being so new to the craft and culture that she doesn't understand that a ton of witches believe the road is real, she just thought it was witchy tune. Another thought is that she and Jen kind of bond as business women in their ways, and just kind of being generally the same age.

And then I was thinking about Lena's trial. Like, technically she's there as the green witch (don't ask me why Rio would still be there also, she just would be), but her trial is about her family-- or perceived lack thereof. She's presented specters of her family, both adopted (the Luthors) and found (the superfriends), but neither truly satisfies her desire for true family, do they? Her need for belonging, for heritage, for a link to her mother.

And through the trial Lena comes into her own as a true witch, as she comes to the realization that her magic not only ties her to her mother, but to every witch in their family prior, and to all the covens they belonged to. She is bonded with them whether she knows it or not, whether she can see them or not-- they are there, guiding her hands and shaping her spells. They are many become one, and she is the one.

I also imagine that after she succeeds at her trial, she's full of power and confidence. Her new understanding seems to transcend her into something greater than she was before, a witch not only in her own right but with the power of those who had come before, who linger still.

So when the Salem Seven catch up with them at the end of Lena's trial, Lena is perfectly at ease when she tells the others to go and leave her behind.

"What? No!" Jen declares. "No, we do this together."

"My contribution to the road is done," Lena says, zenlike. She smiles. "The rest is up to you."

"The seven will kill you, Lena! No one witch can stand against them!"

"Then it's good I'm not facing them alone," Lena returns blithely. "Go."

Jen ultimately obeys, leaving Lena to face their pursuers alone. But as Lena says: she is not alone. With the group's path at her back, Lena squares up against the animalistic witches calmly.

"Do you even remember why you're chasing Agatha?" Lena asks them.

"Vengeance...." one hisses.

"For deaths you don't remember, if you ever saw it happen at all. Do you remember why Agatha killed them?"

The Seven twitch and scritch, unable to remain still. They study her, as predators would watch their prey. Lena meets their gazes calmly.

"Abandon your revenge," she prods, "and resume your lives. Or what little remains of them."

"Neverrrrr!" comes the answering rattle.

As one, the Salem Seven lash out with their magic, intending to catch Lena unawares. But as she'd spoken Lena had woven a shield of spectral roots and vines around her, seething and intertwining like living thing. It shields her from every attack at every angle, giving her power time to build.

Her magic gathers between her palms, pouring not only from herself, but from the others. From her mother, standing at her right shoulder, and her grandmother at her left. From their covens and the covens before them, stretching back through time until she pulls from the very earth itself.

Its radiance shines so brightly that the Seven barely have time to quail beneath it before it incinerates them entirely, their own magics far insufficient to protect them from the onslaught. After they flake away into dust, Lena holds onto the power for a moment longer, and turns to meet her mother's gaze.

"Thank you," she says to the spirit. "I love you."

Her mother's shade nods once, its smile warm with pride, before fading away with the rest of the magic that bleeds back into the earth.

Letting her hands drop to her sides, Lena studies the empty room around her, then turns towards the path she'd been protecting. A path that is now a solid wall, no door in sight.

"Great," Lena grumbles. "Now how the hell do I get out of here?"

[silviakundera]

I've seen you discuss this with other people but I've only made the jump from J dramas to C ones where it's mostly about romance and are c writers allergic women making the same effort in a relationship or... Granted I've only watched dramas from this year at first I thought it was just historical stuff but it's not it's practically every romance drama will love in spring-snowstorm-love endures-in blossom-double-shenli-royal princess-my boss-our interpreter and so on. If she's not outright treating him badly he's a cirque du Soleil contortionist trying to please her and she's not even in the circus don't they know balance is key to everything? Different dramas should have different bonds it's quite concerning that it's just one thing almost every time I think it speaks to a larger issue or maybe I'm overthinking it

idk what to tell you anon. It may simply be that chinese dramas are not to your taste and that's ok. I tried the occasional kdrama for years and didn't really fall in love with many... Most jdramas don't engage me. But when I tried a few cdramas it was like love at first sight. Something about the stories they want to tell, the themes they explore, and the characters they tend to portay just hooks me. And that's a very personal thing.

All I can share is that as a middle-aged corporate lesbian girlboss... a surprising amount cdramas have connected with me about how they explore a woman who is career focused & has to balance that with developing a romantic relationship and then maintaining one.

And when I'm consuming a romance storyline, what preocupies me is if I find it interesting, if the characters both feel vibrant & dynamic, if I can see how they might work together. Do their broken pieces fit? Can I see a path where eventually they can reach a point of mutual understanding, where both are fulfilled? Do I get their vibe? Do they have a unique vibe? Do I believe they like each other, as people? Or at least, do I see a clear path where they will be/have these things by the end of the story?

That's what dictates if I want to keep watching/reading a romance. Personally, I don't spend a lot of time weighing up perceived effort/favors and needing things to be perceived as "even". I would not want to date a person who thinks like that, because I find that idea stressful and off-putting! 🙈 If the people are happy, then they're happy! If neither feels abused & taken advantage of, if they're clearly content, then I don't need to calculate 'same effort' parity.

But that's just me! Everyone is different. And you don't have to overthink or justify what TV you like or don't like. Maybe cdramas aren't for you. That's all good. But please don't ask me to engage with romance this way, it kinda poisons it for me and makes things a bummer. 😔

I simply cannot say that I share your perspective. For instance, I thought Shen Li was a drama with a great otp who had priorities that did not always align but ultimately they ended up in a beautiful relationship with unconventional gender dynamics and in the finale they are clearly super happy & fulfilled together.

The Princess Royal isn't finished yet but lemme say their love in the novel is EPIC. Absolute one of the otps of all time for me. Better characters than most western historical romance novels I've read. If you look at the small stuff and try to weight who did this or that as a series of transactions, imo you are missing the beauty of how these 2 people took a lifetime of getting everything wrong before being ready for each other - but now they are ready, they are listening to each other and remembering to come back with kindness for each other and moving foward into a bond that's truly beautiful. Yeah, it takes almost the whole novel to get there. But IT DOES. No one loves Pei Wenxuan harder than Li Rong, sees the true value of Pei Wenxuan more than Li Rong, and no one will come to his ferocious rescue like Li Rong. I feel like I could cite 35 quotes to prove my point, it's that clear in the text.

a few of the modern cdrama couples who made me want to believe in love again:

Lighter & Princess - academic rivals to lovers to exes to ????, a drama that snuck up on me and slowly made me lose my mind. Best experience is to be unspoiled and thus surprised about where the story takes you. A long winding road, with some huge dips, before they reach a place where they have a beautiful hard-earned partnership. Makes me emotional just to think about them.

Hidden Love is a simple but beautifully acted tale about a sheltered & gently spoiled girl who falls in love with one of her older brother's best friends. Such a common romance plot but the execution is everything. The characters feel warm & real. FL's bittersweet young love tugs at your heart strings. I was impressed at how they crafted the platonic bond she forms with a lonely young man weighed down by financial & emotional family burdens, which later blooms into a mutual affection that enriches both their lives, and it all feels very natural. You really feel that their lives are immeasurably better by being together. Sang Zhi's protectiveness towards him is so !!!

Vid Rec: Seven by SakinaMv (who I've subscribed to for a long time)

You Are My Glory, which has a very silly sounding concept but ended up one of my fav comfort shows. Beautiful teen girl has a crush on the local school genius and asks him out; he politely rejects her, dismissing her efforts to connect because he can't see what they would have in common. 13 years later, he's a rocket scientist and she's become one of the top idols in china. She's at the peak of her profession but having a tiny PR mishap when caught repping a video game that she actually doesn't play. He's taking a leave from work as he struggles with the economic realities of picking a job that consumes your life but pays like shit. She's looking for help to learn this damn game & cover her ass; she still has his chat ID and he's online with nothing better to do. Once they start interacting, her crush on him returns & he starts to realize that that person he had discounted may actually be that confidant who can walk beside him? My dad was poor scientist who 'wasted' his intelligence following his passion, so I found ML's turmoil especially compelling. [Note: quite a bit of video game playing in the 1st half of the drama (as this is the driver for a celebrity and an unemployed scientist to hang out), then almost none in the second half]

Vid Rec: Stargazing by dramasaffair

Vid Rec: Flashlight by HânAlli (turn on CC)

The Road Home, a second chance romance of 2 people who come from rough home-lifes who fell in love when young but couldn't handle a long distance relationship. Then they meet many years later and try a long distance relationship again. I love me a couple who I can believe just get each other and make each other happier when they are together.

Meet Yourself - a slice-of-life story about a woman whose best friend dies, so she quits her job out of grief to go take the simple vacation that they would talk about doing but never got around to. And naturally she finds herself immersed in village drama and finds a soulmate (big city career woman goes to a small town and falls in love with small town boy is a HUGE american romance cliche, and one I've never enjoyed, so I was surprised at how much I liked this)

Vid Rec - MK916 can always be counted on to publish tons of quality cdrama couple vids

[lagomortis]

HELLOOOOOOO youve read kitakawa? :33

Hello!!! Yes, I really loved it! It really explores some interesting themes... codependency, sadomasochism, love, abuse, vulnerability, etcetc.

While the first part of Airi one-sidedly doing things to Hina is interesting, I think the story really elevated when the roles reversed. Their differing perspectives on what sadism means for them leave you so much to unpack.

I need to think about it more, but here are my main thoughts as of now: (warning for spoilers, vomit, abuse, ageplay, etc.)

Kitakawa I think handles sadomasochism in a very sympathetic way that doesn't demonize Airi or Hina. Neither of them are doing proper BDSM etiquette in any way, a lot of coercion and manipulation, but it really shows that the prime reason for their taboo fetishes isn't sexual gratification (though that does play a role), but a deep desire to see the other person at their most honest and vulnerable.

Airi humiliates and hurts Hina for selfish reasons, she doesn't care about Hina's wellbeing or consent, but from the very beginning it's clear that she doesn't do it out of hatred. She loves that Hina would do anything for her. She might not have the emotional capacity to love Hina, but she loves that Hina loves her. She thinks Hina is, as the title says, cutest in these moments. For someone so focused on appearances, it's exhilarating to make someone else do something unseemly, but she gets to stay safe herself and protect her own mental self image.

The thing is though, Hina is seeing Airi at her most honest and vulnerable too. It's not a one way mirror.

To understand Airi, we have to ask a question. Why does fake self harm when she is legitimately suicidal? Why does she feel the need to manipulate when it is the truth that she is upset and hurting?

The same reason Airi manipulates and coerces Hina. A need for control. This doesn't make her evil, either, it's an urge everyone has. Life is scary and unpredictable, we feel the need to have at least something we can control. Airi can't just tell Hina honestly "I have a vomit fetish and I want to have weird yuri moments with you", that invites rejection and judgement. She can't just tell her friends she's hurting, she has to feel like she's faking and that she's the mastermind of her situation.

When the roles reverse, it's interesting how Hina reenacts the things Airi originally did to her. She clearly never enjoyed what they were doing, she isn't actually a masochist, but she loved that it made Airi happy. She loves Airi very deeply, so why does she hurt and manipulate her after her breakdown?

I think the answer comes from the ageplay bit at the beginning. I saw some people say that scene was unnecessary, but I disagree. Uncomfortable, sure, I'm not into age-play either, but it really shows what they were both getting from it. Airi got to humiliate Hina and explore this taboo part of herself, have intimacy without perceived vulnerability, while Hina got to have an intimate moment with Airi.

The fact that Airi gets upset during the aftercare when she notices Hina was enjoying herself is because it threatened her sense of control. It seemed more like she was sharing an intimate moment with a girlfriend, not like she was humiliating someone. From her inner monologue when they have sex for the first time, you can gather she has a lot of internalized homophobia and this part of herself scares her.

But Hina remembered that sense of care after their play. She wants that vulnerability and love between them, and she isn't nearly as afraid of what others think of her for it. She is trying to see the world from Airi's perspective, to contextualize her love for Airi in a way Airi can understand.

She also has interpreted Airi's cruel acts as attention and love.

That's not to say her motivations are purely selfless, though. From the beginning, she wants to be Airi's one and only. She's possessive and jealous, but these are normal things to feel, too. She's a teenage lesbian dealing with a lot of strong emotions.

They keep hurting each other, their worst traits culminating in a tragedy that results in both of their deaths. Airi's fear of vulnerability, fear of how she's perceived, need for control. Hina's permissiveness, possessiveness, need for Airi to be hers alone.

So where did the tragedy start? Was it Airi's fault? Hina's? The girl who exposed them? Was it inevitable?

I don't know, but godddd I can't stop thinking about it. Sorry for posting a whole rant in response to your ask, but glad to meet other kitakawa fans and I would love to hear other's thoughts!

[dreamonminecraft]

Ok so u support dreamnap? Me as well but what are your thoughts bc ur extremely educated and well spoken

Okay first of all careful with the "well educated and well spoken" part. I'm 16 and trying my very best not to lose my mind. After four years in this fandom, I'm very well aware of how words can become violently misconstrued and everything is taken as the end of the world. I get it, parsing through information like this is difficult and trying to figure out where you stand is even harder- but don't take my words as final. Don't take anyone's. Consider your own thoughts and feelings against the evidence we all have and make up your own mind. That's part of the reason we're in this mess. That being said:

I think the largest factor here is that George and Caiti lived two very different experiences that night. I don't believe that George was attempting to get with her in any way- I don't think that any of the girls were invited to Dream's hotel room for any sexual reasons. I think from the first night they hung out Caiti was uncomfortable with the age gap and thought of George as weird, potentially flirty, and maybe untrustworthy. Neither Caiti or her friends liked Dream to begin with.

When they decided to go up to Dream's hotel room that night, Dream did not know how old Caiti was. Caiti says that George did. I don't know what their instagram dms were. However they interacted, they were all drunk and Caiti perceived George's actions to be sexual.

I think, based on how we know George to act when he's drunk (Sapnap's stories, Dream's stories, and the drunk banter episode) that he likely was touchy with whoever was around them that night. That doesn't invalidate what Caiti felt. She hasn't been around George much prior to this, certainly not while drunk, and she already felt like he was flirting with her. Whatever touching happened wasn't called out or even noticed by anyone in the room. Nobody remembers it happening except Caiti (and potentially George, but it's unlikely)

When she went to leave, she was already uncomfortable and then he followed her to the elevator. Benefit of the doubt, he was probably just going to walk her back to her hotel room, but she was very drunk and very uncomfortable, which he failed to recognize. The minute she told him no, he backed off and left her alone.

He likely did not interpret any of her signals that night, as she said they were all non-verbal until the elevator. He probably doesn't even remember it. We know that when George is drunk, he'll often sit on the laps of his friends (Sapnap) or hang on them (Karl) or even kiss them (Dream) but that's not okay to do with strangers.

This isn't a story about an abuse of power or age, but likely recognizing that some people just can't handle getting drunk. George is not good at reading people when he's sober, and can't be trusted not to trample on people's boundaries when he's drunk. Alcohol is not for everyone.

This is likely, hopefully, a one-off event. I believe that George's tweet yesterday was reactionary, as our first time seeing the allegations was likely also his first time hearing them. I doubt that he remembers the details of the night.

None of this is to abstract his fault. If Caiti was uncomfortable with any of his actions, he should have been able to recognize that and step away. The fact that he couldn't proves that he was too drunk and needs to reflect on his own problems with alcohol.

That being said, if what I think happened and what actually happened are the story that George explains when and if he goes live, and on the condition that Caiti believes him and accepts his apology, I will continue to support George.

I think there is a lot of growth that needs to happen in his own life. I think he's emotionally stunted, I think he uses alcohol in an unhealthy way, and I think he needs to come to terms with the fact that he hurt someone even if it was unintentional.

Lying will not get him out of this.

With all that said, I will continue to support dream and sapnap regardless of their reaction to this. Sapnap wasn't there. He has no part in this other than being George's friend. Dream didn't notice it when it happened and was never aware of any of it. He's been caught up unfairly in the allegations and I don't feel it's right to drop him over this, at least personally.

I don't think Dream or Sapnap will stop being friends with George. I think dream and George are more than friends and have completely built their lives around each other. I think sapnap's content is already mostly stand alone but dream has been his best friend for over a decade and George is such an integral part of that. I think it is naive to think George will be kicked out, and that doesn't mean that either of them are supporting a bad person, it just means they're being good friends.

Sometimes you have to be a good friend because somebody needs it. I don't know when George will go live and I don't know what he'll say, but I don't regret my time here regardless of what it is.

[mcmonstructuk]

I AM BACK

And with a new seb design,, ignore the pose he’s supposed to be like stretching but I kinda gave up so he looks a little funky,,,,,

Ok now for smth a litttllllee more important under the cut

Ok so I’m here to say that unfortunately I may or may not be leaving the pressure fandom. I don’t know if I’ll be completely gone, but I may stop posting about pressure for a while. While I do still enjoy the game n such, I have a new hyperfix on phighting, and the pressure fandom has become a little too unbearable for me to stay.

Both the fandom and the devs have ruined things a little for me. The fandom became too petty and childish. The whole zerum drama was ridiculously childish, and neither the fandom nor the devs handled it well. Zerum, while not technically doing anything wrong, admitted to only doing things such as giving Sebastian the ring to upset the fandom. She purposefully tore the fandom apart, and caused more drama. Do I think she should’ve stopped shipping herself with him? No. But I think she could’ve handled things so much better, instead of filling his shop with references to her in order to spite and upset the fandom.

The fandom are not innocent either. Sending death threats to zerum and causing an ungodly amount of ruckus was incredibly unnecessary. No, she did not ban anyone for self-shipping. No, she was not rude to anyone who self-shipped. No, she has not done like 90% of the things the fandom are accusing her of doing. The zerum drama should have ended ages ago, and yet I am STILL seeing fans constantly complain about her. Get over it. The constant whining from the fan base is the main thing that drove me away if I’m being honest.

Not only that, but the devs, in my personal opinion, are trying too hard to control the fan base. Removing lines from Sebastian (and no, I’m not talking about the meme lines, idc that they’re gone) just because the fandom mischaracterises him feels very off to me. Mischaracterisation happens in fandoms. You cannot control it. If the devs had removed lines because they personally felt they didn’t fit his character, then that would’ve been fine! But the fact they removed them because they wanted to almost control the fandom with their characterisations n such is what puts me off. It’s their character, they can do whatever they like with him! And I get being upset that your fan base isn’t perceiving your character as you hoped they would, but having to change your game and the character itself to try and warp how your fandom sees them isn’t something they should be having to do. It feels almost as though they aren’t fully prepared for a large fan base. I’m not just basing it off of this one incident either. Even before the fandom got big, there were several incidents that happened within the discord server that were not handled well by zeal and the mod team. Even back then, I worried about the fandom getting big, as those incidents had me concerned on how they’d handle a larger fandom.

Anyways, I probably won’t stop playing pressure, because I do like the actual game itself. Believe it or not I’m not one of those people who only play for Sebastian. I am actually someone who played during the testing stages, and have enjoyed the game for a while, and I can say with confidence, it was much better back then. I will likely just limit my interaction with the fandom, as a lot of the people in it just aren’t fun to be around. I wish more people saw pressure for the game it is, instead of just thirsting over the fish shopkeeper. If the fandom actually enjoyed pressure for pressure, then I swear 90% of the problems caused would not have happened, and the fandom would be a much more enjoyable space.

I MIGHT still post about pressure, but not fully interact with the fandom? I may post pressure art n such, but I probably won’t be interacting with other pressure artists or just the pressure fandom space in general. I’ll just sorta,, cut myself off from the rest of the fandom and just post things from my own little safety bubble lol, tho I don’t draw much pressure stuff anymore anyways so yk, we’ll see

[bellaaldamas]

Hey, thank you for liking a few of my Daria-related posts, made my day yesterday. Always great to see a Daria fan out in the wild internet. :)

Hey there:) Pleased to meet you as well. When I stumbled across your and other users' Daria and Daria/Trent posts, I found myself nodding enthusiastically, having been transported back in time when my first real life major event concerning fiction was a celebration of Daria and Tom's break up in the "college" special. Agreed with all of your points on that matter. Particularly in regards to the direction of the show in later seasons, Daria's offensive and misogynistic relationship with Tom and how, analyzing the show as an adult, it becomes even more evident that the best and most fitting scenario, both writing wise out of universe and character wise in universe, would've been Daria and Trent (one of my first tv OTPs).

Obviously, being all grown up, I realize just how flawed the entire show was and that neither the cliched and offensive storyline with Tom nor throwing Trent under the bus came out of the blue. The groundwork for this direction, alas, was always there because the show was a product of it's time. Despite having fleshed out, well rounded characters it had massive issues plot wise, including the "not like other girls" sexism. Which could have - and should have - been a critical commentary but instead ended up being promoted.

The show started and even continued with the right message (before it all went horribly wrong). Highlighting that Daria was in many ways no less misguided than Quinn and the Fashion club. That her belief that her own goals and values were somehow "profound" and "dignified" whereas theirs were "shallow" was not actually the case (given that Daria's "values" included sexism, classism, and benefiting from her family's white middle class privileges while seeing said family as less "developed" and "informed" than she was because they wouldn't take her childish tantrums and angst seriously).

The show accentuated, on several occasions, the fact that Daria did not fight against real social injustice but, more often than not, fought against other women, including for misogynistic and ageist reasons (Daria's statements towards Val - the editor of a girls magazine - degrading her for daring to still enjoy life, making friends and looking after herself after - the horror - 30 were a staple of sexism). While antagonizing other women, Daria had no qualms associating with supremely misogynistic Male Nerds TM just because they had the same affinity for low quality media and the same juvenile angst and entitlement.

But - the show was self aware about all that initially and that's why it was interesting and why Daria was still compelling, no matter all the aforementioned issues. A character does not have to always do, say or think the right things in order to stand out (and it would be hypocritical to hold a fictional teenage heroine accountable for misguided views at the age of 16-18 when the entire popular media is filled with stories about male serial killers changing "for the better" - actually not changing at all in most cases - in order to win the "true love" of unreachable virtuous women). The narrative, in earlier seasons, did not endorse Daria's double standards or frame her as being superior to those "other women".

Moreover, several episodes were dedicated to showcasing how Daria's prejudice had been stemming from ignorance, place of privilege (as mentioned above) and, most importantly, ruining her own life and that of others around her. Particularly Jane, whenever she, a fellow outcast, made consistent effort to bond with other people - including the "other girls" - and understand their perspective; because unlike Daria, Jane was open minded and not misogynistic at all.

Same contrast could be perceived between Daria and Jodie, a fellow "brain" and an overachiever in terms of studies. Who, however, was sociable, found a common ground with cheerleader girls like Brittany, had a healthy and positive relationship with her boyfriend and made definitive steps towards making a change and participating in activism (instead of sitting in front of tv watching Sick Sad World, like Daria did).

No less important was the role of Trent, on the show in and Daria's story alike.

In the earlier seasons Trent was both a foil to Daria and her middle class arrogance as well as her teenage crush. The crush was as (stereo)typical as it gets: Trent was an older brother of her best friend Jane and a rock musician, as local and unaccomplished as he and his band could be. In a way Trent represented everything that Daria feared but would never admit the real reason for fearing it (because that would mean tackling her prejudice and she was not ready to that just yet). Daria was used to privileged middle class life and to being an achiever whose goal was to leave Lawndale for good. Because she, for the already mentioned reason of classism and prejudice, saw other people in her hometown as "less than" and considered herself to be "worthy of more".

Then there was Trent who was content with sleeping till noon, using music as a way of self expression and not as a way of "selling out" and valued people based on their personality rather than their abilities and privileges. For that he often became a punchline for heinously ableist jokes on the show, especially when it was hinted he might have had dyslexia or other kind of learning disability. Another example of how the show was a product of it's time, not that modern media has made any major progress in terms of disability representation (it is still as ableist as ever but now frames disability as a "superpower" for progressive points).

But despite the narrative issues the show went out of it's way to demonstrate how Trent challenged Daria and made her reconsider her self centered view of life. Of all the people around her Trent was the only one whose well being Daria genuinely cared about with no benefit for herself. As far as she was concerned, they had no romantic future together and she didn't believe Trent would ever see her in a romantic light.

Even with Jane Daria's friendly care for her was rooted in selfishness and fear to remain alone. Each time the two of them fell apart (in 99.9 percents of cases because of Daria's entitled attempts to ruin Jane's social life with other people so Jane would only "belong" to her and dedicate all of her attention and free time to her) Daria was only talking about herself and how SHE was affected by not having Jane around. And not having someone "to understand" her self imposed social isolation.

With Trent, however, Daria showed glimpses of real maturity, unrelated in any way to teenage angst on which her other relationships and antagonism towards others were built. Daria genuinely wanted Trent to be okay and safe even if they couldn't be together and that's probably the only instance, on the entire show, when Daria was completely selfless.

While her crush on Trent was often shown to be a product of teenage hormones, it was the only feeling in Daria's character arc that made her question her own prejudice and close mind, unprompted. That is, without something terrible happening, her parents fighting (as she believed because of her even if it wasn't entirely the case), Jane being fed up with Daria's endeavors to intervene with her, Jane's, social interactions with others; or Quinn deciding to be a bigger person occasionally and trying to mend a sisterly relationship between them (before both fell back into their old thinking patterns because ultimately the show provided no consistent character development - but that's precisely the issue of the later seasons and their direction).

There's a scene where Daria's classism and arrogance get the best of her and she envisions her future with Trent. In which she, obviously, is the intellectually and morally superior martyr who works 24/7 to make ends meet and is an established professional. Whereas Trent, being a "lazy implied dyslectic", lays around and does nothing. But then the scene changes to Daria reflecting some more, focusing on her feelings for Trent here and now which offset the prejudiced thinking - and her mind gives her an entirely different picture, where the two are happy and together. That was probably the ONLY time Daria, unconsciously, realized she and her worldview might've been completely wrong, that people are not one dimensional stereotypes she reduced them to and that others, including Trent, were just as complex and multi-layered as she was.

It would have been perfect grounds for making Daria reconsider her misguided views and grow out of them...

And then came Tom and his storyline.

That's when all the misogyny, "not like other girls" culture and all the other problematic elements of the story and Daria's character in particular stopped being a critical commentary and started being presented at face value.

A show that prided itself on being "progressive" and that had it's heroine look down upon anything she labeled as "girly" and "for those other, silly teenage girls and housewives" who dare to enjoy romance and drama resorted to the tritest, most cliched soap opera plot of Daria falling in love with Jane's boyfriend. And it was NOT a critical commentary on said soap opera plot: it was framed as being as "deep and profound" as Daria believed she herself was. It was framed as Daria "finally growing up and growing out of her juvenile crush on inferior underachiever Trent and finding the right fit for her elevated and superior self". On top of Jane being implied to be "less worthy" of "intelligent and privileged" Tom than the fellow "intelligent and privileged" Daria.

All the classism and misogyny that could have been deconstructed - and at some points of the series really were deconstructed - suddenly triumphed and became the forefront. The "not like other girls" Daria alienated her female friend because of a man even though before she would interfere with Jane's other relationship, platonic and romantic, for selfish and possessive reasons. Daria, who lectured adult women on how they should live their life and what self respect is would let a man literally treat her like a piece of furniture and make her feel used. Because he "makes up for it" by liking the same low quality shows on tv and indulging the same bad eating habits. Every single unhealthy aspect of Daria's personality was amplified by Tom - and the show framed it as "growth and development".

Icing on cake was when the show tried to halfheartedly do damage control and released an episode literally called "boxing Daria" where Daria and her worldview were criticized - except for all the wrong reasons. Instead of making her gradually grow out of her one dimensional views, close mind and not like other girls thinking the narrative shamed her for not wanting to "have fun" and participate in genuinely stupid school activities. All the flashes of nuance that could be seen in earlier seasons went completely down the drain.

With that said, at least in the very end the train-wreck of a relationship that was Daria and Tom ended as it should have: with Daria realizing she and Tom were not compatible and should pursue individual development away from each other (though even that was influenced by outer circumstances and them going to different colleges). Sadly, it did not make up for irreversible degradation of the series in later seasons.

But there are still Daria/Trent fanfics to fill the void:)

[nalyra-dreaming]

same anon re: Antoinette

I didn't mean Antoine made Louis jealous in the books, the significance is the fact that Lestat turned him and had him there for the confrontation post swamp. He followed Claudia and blocked off an exit route. Intentional or not, it seemed like they were being trapped. And when shit hit the fan he joined the fight. Since the show isn't giving us 2 murder attempts (as far as we know), Antoinette is turned earlier as a safety against Claudia and Louis (and as a kept promise perhaps) . He points out that he knows they're talking to each other, he has reason to be paranoid, so having her keep tabs on them gives him a perceived advantage.

But as far as characterization goes, how does it make Lestat any better to give them the finger of a random victim over Antoinette's? Aren't both deception? I understand the opinion that Antoinette was more confident, less side piece, but isn't the betrayal the same? Turning her and using her against them is still a betrayal whether they were intimate or not. Does one finger over another change much? The hotel scene happening or not doesn't change that they told him to kill her and instead he turned her.

I understand that Louis reiterates he had to be killed because he needs to justify it to himself and Daniel, but are you saying that Claudia already knowing he'd turned Antoinette was a motivation for that?

No, I'm just saying that Claudia factored all that in, and that it did not come as a surprise to her. But instead maybe (and here: rightfully so!) pissed her off even more and that is why she took the finger after all was said and done.

Also: IF he gave them the finger at all in that scene. (There's also a possibility of this being a finger by another vampire, or Lestat retrieving the finger after and reattaching it, something he knew at that point already could be done through Eleni's letters, at least book canonically.) Because... Did you notice that Louis does not crash into the mantel piece but instead into the cabinet next to it? During the fight in 1x05 I mean. I mention it because supposedly they "kept the damage (to that mantel piece) so they didn't forget the damage"... as Claudia says there, in that scene in 1x06, when Lestat brings her the finger and mentions the broken mantel... right?

But if the mantel piece isn't damaged... (also: Lestat's hair is indicative of an edited memory here, as I've talked about re hair styles.)

The cheating with Antoinette is a "look at my left hand not at my right hand" move in the tale. It hides the actual relationship problems within the truth, and that is why Louis only admits to some of it in the reunion scene, because that is when all the pretense falls away.

Louis could have left Lestat in all the years they were laying low. Instead neither did, they stayed with each other, depressed and vindictive and waiting, for years.

Antoinette is a symptom of what was going wrong, just as Antoine in the book was.

Because this is why Lestat went to Antoine(tte, something hinted at in the hotel scene):

“He was my friend, Lestat,” Antoine confessed. “He told me about his lover, Nicolas, who had been a violinist. He said he couldn’t speak his heart to his little family, to Louis or Claudia, that they would laugh at him. So he spoke his heart only to me.”

--- Prince Lestat

Lestat went to Antoinette for more than sex.

And that is what ultimately made her a problem.

Louis knew, and stated, that he knew Lestat would kill her if he asked him to. But Louis didn't.

And Claudia, in her stark-contrast mind, always thrown into the maelstrom of hormonal upheaval, hated her a lot more than Louis ever did.

And it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest btw, if Antoinette would show up in later seasons, just like Antoine in the books.

Because Antoine was badly burned as well and needed ages to heal... and I bet Claudia and Louis did not scatter Antoinette's ashes before they left. And... we know Rolin is already taking from "Prince Lestat"...

[z-eusie]

I love your fanfics so much!! They’re literally the best thing ever, and I love how you write them as actual siblings. I was just wondering, in your au, what’s poseidon’s relationship like with everyone? Like gods, titans, giants ect ect.

thank you so much!!! my absolute favourite dynamics to write are sibling ones, particularly those as complicated as the big six, so i appreciate that they feel real!

as for your question, i'll touch on a few specific people, as well as groups as a whole.

poseidon, in my interpretation, is a very unpredictable person. he is prone to acts of seemingly senseless violence and can hold some serious grudges towards those who wrong him, no matter how small the grievance. at the same time, he can be very easygoing. so poseidon tends to hold grudges for ages, until one day he just... stops? and acts like everything is totally cool? because generally, in his world, it is. the emotion disappears and suddenly he does not care any more.

take athena, for example. poseidon's gripes with her, though mostly superficial, were still real enough for their relationship to be somewhat complicated for a time. then, in my world, he just sort of got over it, and since then, he and athena have been friendly - which i think is supported by the fact that neither of them seem to have any other conflict together, and in fact work together on other occasions (such as when they attempt to overthrow zeus... though that probably comes before athens, my point still stands). the same applies to ares as well, following what happened with alcippe and halirrhothius. disdain for a while until it eventually fades.

the same applies to a few others - titans, for example. poseidon holds a serious grudge against his father because the nature of that conflict was more personal - but he became relatively laid back once the other titans were set free from tartarus. i don't think he has particularly strong feelings about them, and views what happened in the past as a product of the situation and not their personalities, so he's cordial enough. the giants are "dead and gone", so i don't think poseidon has had much chance to change his opinion on them (though, in MY au, he's forced to work with them and reach some level of understanding, at least).

he's easy enough to get along with, so i can see him being fairly friendly with most of the olympians, including his nieces and nephews. so long as they do nothing to seriously offend him, which most have not, he is kind to them. i would not consider him particularly close with many of them, as far as i can surmise beyond personal headcanon. however, in my world, he is really good friends with aphrodite and likely quite fond of apollo as well (shared trauma, and all that).

he is still capable of holding a grudge for a long time (see: Troy, because of Laomedon) and there are, of course, a few exceptions to this general pipeline of "gripe -> chill without ever actually reconciling"

the first is rhea. the second is zeus. the reason for this is how heavily intertwined his own very complex emotions are in his relationship with both of these people. particularly in poseidon's inferiority complex, as i like to imagine it. he's a classic middle child, known for being jealous of his brother. and so i think poseidon's deep-seated insecurity at not being good enough makes his relationship with his mother incredibly turbulent, no matter how hard she may try to reconcile. that hurt comes from a very young boy who experienced serious trauma, at what he perceives to be, in part, at the hands of his mother - and he has never truly recovered.

the same applies to zeus. poseidon feels like he should have been king - at least, at one point or another throughout myth. that inferiority rears its head, all those same insecurities swooping in to make everything worse. he cannot look at zeus without thinking of all he is not and it infuriates him. throw in the sheer number of horrors they enact on one another, and suddenly the depth and complexity of their problems is hard to ignore. its why it takes them both significantly longer to reconcile. poseidon loves his brother, and always has, but that anger and hatred did not just disappear one day. that anger had to be worked at, unlike many other examples.

i don't know if this fully answers your question, but i hope it did!! if you want to know more specifically about certain people, feel free to ask me about those!!!

thank you again <3