#need to keep going through my shit and taking everything
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Entry 17: The One About All the Hot Air
Oh, hey, hey, hey – what is that over there?
No, not that –
That!
Ah, fuck.
Is that what I think it is?
Yeah, yeah, it looks like some sort of hot air balloon.
Ugh, it’s that fucking wannabe Wizard! Get that manipulative shit-fuck outta here!
Seriously, don��t let it set foot on land. It’s not welcome on this side of Oz.
Someone release the flying monkeys! Like, now. Knock it out of the sky.
Wait, I thought the Wizard liked green. This weirdo has a red balloon.
Bitch, I didn’t say it was the Wizard; I said it was a wannabe Wizard.
Oh, no wonder it’s steering that balloon like a fucking clown.
Hell, I don’t even think we need the monkeys. That idiot is going to crash and burn itself straight into the glass walls of the Emerald Palace.
Well, you know what they say when you start throwing stones in a glass house…
It is slightly amusing (and a tad concerning) to me that children are always led to believe that the villain of “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” is that bitch of a Witch of the West when the worst character traits are actually portrayed by the Wizard himself. And, by “worst character traits,” I mean that he was a master manipulator who conned an entire city into believing he held some form of great power.
Did you know that in the original story the Emerald City wasn’t really that green? Sure, it was made from green glass and emeralds, but the Wizard required everyone to wear green-colored glasses so that everything appeared greener than it actually was. Weird, that. And, even more weird, people bought it! “Here, put these glasses on and you’ll see everything exactly the way I want you to see it.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m fully aware “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” is a work of fiction, but the idea that people can be easily manipulated – especially by someone with “power” – is not fiction.
That’s what today’s piece of “hot air” is about – fandom manipulation and the power of suggestion. And who better than to manipulate an entire fandom than the media? It’s unfortunate that I have to give the media power in this story – and even more unfortunate that I have to give it to rag-mags and social media – but the reality is information is power, regardless of whether it’s misinformation. In fact, MIT Sloan did a study in 2018 demonstrating how false information spreads through social media, namely, Twitter, six times faster than true information. Disturbing, right? I don’t even want to know what the going rate for misinformation is in 2025.
And, of course, since I opened today’s story with a visit to the Land of Oz, we may as well take a day trip over to Australia. Remember how I told you Australia deserved an entry of its own? Well, this is it. No, not really. I did say this was a day trip, not a sleep-over, so it’s not going to be chucked full of shiny bracelets or ways to “keep a good girl down.” It’s just our starting point today.
In my first entry, I briefly described what brought me into this fandom. It was something Luke said – and not really what he said, but how he said it – that left me intrigued. He was being interviewed on the Bowral red carpet by “Gretchen from the Philippines.” Yes, that’s literally how she introduced herself! Could I instead refer to the nice lady by her real name (Gretchen Fullido)? Sure, but “Gretchen from the Philippines” is far more fun. Plus, it sounds kind of whimsical. Any ways, Gretchen (from the Philippines) asked Luke if, “in real life,” he’d support friends-to-lovers. Luke’s response was, well, a bit jumbled, which was what sparked my curiosity because his previous answers that day were, for the most part, articulate: “I would – I would support friends – I feel like it’s not something that – that I have in my li – that I resonate with – that I’ve experienced. But, you know, if my – if my friends wanted to explore a relationship with one their friends, go for it. I’ll support it.”
Something in the way Luke answered that question was like suddenly being able to see the forest for the trees. At that moment, I was convinced Luke had always been in love with Nicola, and everything else that went on during that particular red-carpet event (and thereafter) simply christened the USS Lukola. However, that comment by Luke – and a subsequent one he made in New York – would result in the addition of a lot of trees to our enchanted forest.
Now – I apologize – we need to borrow a hot air balloon, preferably one that can travel through time, and jump forward to November 5, London-time. I promise, we will return to Oz momentarily.
Oh, fuck.
What now?
That ridiculous faux Wizard is right behind us. I thought I told you to send in the monkeys!
Dammit, you said we didn’t need them! I left those fuckers back in Oz.
Well, umm, I think we might need them now.
Why??
Uhh, do you see those four-legged beasts on the ground chasing our balloon?
Oh, you mean those coyote-like creatures?
Yeah, but we’re not in the Americas – and those ain’t coyotes…
Ah, here we are: November 5, Claridge’s, London. This was the evening Nicola attended the Harper’s Bazaar Women of the Year awards. We’re only stopping in real quick to steal a piece of the speech Nicola gave that evening. Okay, got it! Let’s get the fuck out of here!
The part of the speech I wanted to share was this: “I did a six-month press tour for Bridgerton, the show which I love, and I’m so proud of. The amount of inappropriate questions I got asked about my appearance, about my relationship…”
Hold up. Relationship? What relationship?
Did she say “relationship” or “relationships?”
Does it fucking matter?
Well, I guess not. But what does it mean?
I could tell you what I think it means… Wait a hot-air-balloon-minute – where the fuck have you taken us? I told you we needed to go back to April 21, Aussie-time. This looks like Soho in January.
Shit, sorry. Let me fix that. Here we go…
>>>
Umm, hey, where’s that weird little red Wizard? I swear it was just behind us…
Eh, probably got stuck in Soho, hahaha. Guess it missed its exit.
Do you think that’s a good idea?
Yeah, sure. It’ll be fine…
We’ve returned to April 21, Bowral, Australia. Now, at this point in the timeline, World Tour interviews were already well underway. In fact, the first two parts of EmEdits on YouTube are entirely pre-Australia interviews, making up roughly 6 ½ hours of screen time. I’m not the least bit surprised that “Gretchen from the Philippines” asked Luke what his thoughts were on “real life” friends-to-lovers. The chemistry between Luke and Nicola was hard to ignore.
The Australian red carpet also introduced the hand holding, which – if we took another magical mystery tour over to May 9, Italy – Nicola and Luke agreed was a sign of “love.” I suppose I could buy the excuse that one or both had so much anxiety they needed the other’s hand to remain calm on the red carpet. But, nah, I wouldn’t buy that at all – for one very specific reason. When Luke and Nicola were seen leaving (I believe) the Milton Park Country House on April 23, Luke instinctively reached for Nicola’s hand as they were descending the steps. Why? This reflex by Cool Hand Luke was as natural as a pregnant woman touching her stomach. I ask again – why?
There’s only one answer.
It’s the answer that fits with the Claddagh ring. It’s the answer that fits with the side jaunt to Galway. It’s the answer that fits with their natural chemistry, the hand holding, the canned “shared experience” and “unique relationship” responses, the playful sexual innuendos. It’s the answer that fits with Luke’s “the best foundation for love is friendship” bracelet. It’s the answer that fits with Nicola’s remark about “[t]he amount of inappropriate questions I got asked…about my relationship…” It’s the only fucking answer that makes sense.
But, the real kicker is, why don’t people believe that is the answer?
Why is it so hard to believe that Luke and Nicola could be in a real-life relationship?
That’s easy – because the Man Behind the Curtain told us so.
Who is the Man Behind the Curtain? Well, that’s also easy. It’s collectively the rag-mags and the social media creators on the prowl for a following. It’s the spread of misinformation at its worst and it’s so incredibly easy to do with, say, a pair of green-colored glasses.
Like I said, “…put these glasses on and you’ll see everything exactly the way I want you to see it.”
There was one major plot twist that came out of the World Tour, and you already know what that is. The seed was planted with a New Year’s Eve kiss, fertilized with blurry pictures, a compulsory hallway hug, and copycat photos, and encouraged to grow with a bit of junk news and a lot of social media innuendo. Now, I’m not saying the video and photographic evidence that was presented was fabricated; I’m simply suggesting the narrative that came out that evidence was skewed. The media, namely, social media creators, pushed us to plant Lutonia trees while Luke’s actions (i.e., not acknowledging the existence of Lutonia) told us to “pay no attention to the Man Behind the Curtain.”
Uh, so, what you’re saying is we shouldn’t have left that wannabe Wizard in Soho?
Ah, shit! I forgot about that fucker!
The unfortunate thing about the Lutonia narrative was that it was bolstered by insinuation that Luke would never be interested in Nicola. Now, whether these remarks were deliberately planted, or they were simply seedpods carried away by a storm, they were not overlooked by Lukolas – or Nicola. In fact, Nicola herself brushed upon it in her Harper’s Bazaar speech: “The amount of inappropriate questions I got asked about my appearance…” Yes, I’m referring to the suggestion that Luke preferred “brunettes” over “blondes.” Somehow this narrative was conveniently supported by the existence of – lo and behold! – the brunette “friend of a friend” Antonia, who happened to be slender. Again, whether it was intentional or not, the push by, initially, social media creators (and later gossip rags) to link Luke to Antonia inadvertently called the blonde in our story – Nicola – fat. I refuse to dance around that word because it is exactly what this disgusting narrative implied when it chose to compare Antonia to Nicola. Regardless of whether these gossipmongers “corrected” themselves by replacing “thin” with “brunette” and “fat” with “blonde,” the implication was that Luke would never be interested in Nicola because she had thick blonde hair. This was incredibly upsetting and confusing to many Lukolas because it was contrary to Luke’s behavior towards Nicola throughout the World Tour (and in Bridgerton behind-the-scenes clips).
I decided months ago that Luke was incredibly transparent. And, by that, I mean he’s terrible at keeping secrets. Luke himself admitted his “tell” to this was pulling at his ear – now go watch the World Tour with that information in mind. It’ll give you something to do, at the very least. Luke’s sincerity is also why the blonde versus brunette nonsense just doesn’t take flight for me. Any ways, as I hinted at earlier, Luke’s comments on the Bowral red carpet and his later comments in New York City about friends-to-lovers would – again, unfortunately – give the Man Behind the Curtain ammunition to debunk any real-life relationship between Luke and Nicola. Luke was quickly labeled as being “…dismissive of something ever happening between him and Nicola…” Those are literally the words The Tab used in an article dated May 22 to explain Luke and Nicola’s differing commentary about real-life friends-to-lovers. In fact, the article is titled, “Luke Newton has revealed the reason he’d never date Bridgerton co-star Nicola Coughlan.” Oddly – but not really given the source – Luke never actually said he would never date Nicola. But that fact didn’t stop it from becoming a theme of the World Tour – Luke didn’t believe in friends-to-lovers therefore he would never date Nicola – even though, by the end of the tour, Luke’s stance on this had seemingly changed. That’s not to say the rag-mags misquoted Luke – they didn’t – but the narrative they coiled around his words attempted to shut down the idea that Luke and Nicola would ever date in real life because Luke wasn’t interested. But what Luke was saying was that he believed in love-at-first sight. “I actually don’t think friends-to-lovers is something that happens in my life. If I meet someone, I know immediately.” Now, take that statement with the fact that Luke has repeatedly stated he remembers everything about the moment he met Nicola.
The above examples of gossip and innuendo are simply par for the course. The media manipulates facts all the time – whether it be through social media chatter or rag-mags putting their own spin on ordinary commentary – but this type of manipulation is not what puts the fandom in danger of itself. In fact, most of the gossip and innuendo that took root during the World Tour would have dissipated almost immediately after it ended – if it hadn’t been for Papsmear.
Yeah. That was disastrous.
Come to think of it, it was awfully convenient, too, don’t you think?
Absolutely. And you know what else was convenient? That little wannabe Wizard was –
Oh, yeah, I heard that, too! That clown has been trying to hand out green-colored glasses ever since!
Yep. Tried to give me a pair and I told it to go fuck itself and its little glass cat, too. I mean, they weren’t even name brand glasses. Fake ass, bitch.
All jesting aside, if you haven’t noticed already, I do, on occasion, use my writing to call out the fandom, usually as a whole. I mean, we are in this together, right? Actually, no; we ceased being Collectively Delulu after a few unsavory characters were bitten by the Hunter’s Moon and followed Nicola through the streets of New York and London. There was a major – and rather unexpected – shift in the fandom when the rabid Jakolas appeared from the dark corners of our enchanted forest. And I’m sure you’ve realized at this point in my story that I have one particular – oh, shit, I just realized I don’t even know to which fandom our wannabe Wizard belongs. Ruh-roh. Regardless, that motherfucker is in my peep sight because it is a perfect example of how fandom manipulation has reached a new level of toxicity.
Typically, I don’t care what part of the fandom you’re on. My general attitude is, to each their own. If you’re a Jakola and you find yourself spending an average of 15 minutes each week reading my Lukola blog, I applaud you for peeking outside of the den hole. Best not let Alpha find out, though. It’s all in good fun, right? I often find myself getting a good laugh from Jakola stories, especially when they theorize on the Woman Behind the Curtain. Question, though – did you find her? In all seriousness, if I didn’t consider Jakola and Lutonia perspectives, I would be borderline Conscientiously Stupid, now, wouldn’t I? After all, the desire for knowledge is what ultimately gave our Scarecrow his brain.
However, what I don’t find “in good fun” is when social media creators prey on more than one side of the fandom under phony pretense, namely, that they “just want Nicola to be happy.” Oh, these Cowardly Lions may argue that they’re simply being “neutral” – and, yes, I’m sure some instances of this do exist – however, neutrality does not embrace openly ridiculing one fandom over another, especially on a platform that is touted by its owners as being a “safe space” for everyone. The problem with these so-called “neutral creators” is that they’re only here for social media engagement – the clicks and the giggles – and they defect to the other side when the going gets tough. If you, too, take issue with this kind of creator, be soothed in knowing that when you play two sides, you find yourself with two-times the number of enemies.
What makes these so-called “neutral creators” – actually, let’s just call them the “Defectors” – so poisonous to the fandom is that they are made from the grease drippings found at the bottom of the barrel of the Conscientiously Stupid. The Conscientiously Stupid are one thing – they are the ones using their platforms to spread misinformation because they choose to ignore exculpatory evidence (i.e., they’re headstrong in their beliefs) – but the Defectors are typically the ones creating the misinformation and feeding it to the Conscientiously Stupid and then hanging them out to dry when the information proves to be false. The Conscientiously Stupid who refuse to “lose the battle” then resort to bullying (more so than usual) the Sincerely Ignorant of an opposing fandom. And in defense of their Sincerely Ignorant comrades (or simply because they’re sick and tired of the Conscientiously Stupid preventing anyone from having nice things), the Fact Finders – unceremoniously, I might add – have taken their own place on the battlefield (oh, yes, they are absolutely your tactical commanders). Now, the entire fandom is at war with each other – all because some wannabe Wizard – a Defector – convinced people to look through a pair of shiny, green-colored glasses. More than once.
Is it appropriate – or perhaps a bit catty – to put “ceasefire” here?
Ah, yes, well, uh, we have found ourselves a bit far from Oz at this point, haven’t we?
I suppose – but we are trying to help Dorothy find her way back home, and at least we now have an idea as to how she got lost.
Maybe one day we will get her back to Kansas.
Yeah, maybe.
Oh, silly me! I forgot to sneak in a sly reference to Dorothy’s third companion – the Tin Man! He’s perfect for the end of our story. You know, in the book, the Wizard was just an ordinary man who stumbled into his Ozian existence on a magnificent hot air balloon and took advantage of the power that Emerald citizens bestowed upon him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Wizard preyed on the naïve using deception and the power of suggestion and invoked fear in anyone who dared to question his authority –
Uh, where are you going with this?
Give me a minute!
Like I said – shit, where was I? – Oh, yes, the Wizard was just an ordinary man, and ordinary people are flawed. We all make mistakes. This is where our Tin Man comes in as he represents love and empathy. Yes, empathy; the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to understand and forgive, to take into consideration someone’s redeeming qualities –
You know that Wizard defected in his hot air balloon before taking Dorothy home, right?
Wait, what?
Okay, okay. It was Toto’s fault but the Wizard sure as shit didn’t come back for her!
Hmm, you’d almost think Toto knew the Wizard’s true colors all along…
“Au revoir, Wiz.”
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ᜊ 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝐶𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 ᜊ
FEATURING : Itoshi Sae, Michael Kaiser, Oliver Aiku, and Itoshi Rin
ABOUT : Them as your long distance fiancé, which will unexpectedly becomes your husband in near time. In which you kept your pain, because you couldn't have the right time to tell them about you and your baby.
Note : These are short scenarios for each characters, I was inspired by the song "When She Cries" by Restless Heart. Enjoy reading!
=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Itoshi Sae
— You breathed heavily, as you felt nauseous all of a sudden. Timing, your fiancé Sae called. "Hello? Honey! How are you? Currently in Barcelona Airport, I was gonna surprise you that I was coming home, but I couldn't seem to decide what to bring, so gotta tell you instead! How's our new house in London—? H-hello? Baby? Are you there?" You couldn't respond as you were already in the bathroom puking on the toilet.
"Honey! Hello? Are you okay? Hello?" He kept bugging but you were already in the urge to grab a pregnancy test and took it quickly "Honey, this isn't funny. I hear some rattling in the background, what are you doing?"
You gasped as you saw the results. "Positive." You sternly spoke "Positive? What do you mean pos— oh. Oh. My. Gosh. BABY! PLEASE REST! I'LL BE HOME 6 HOURS IN TIME, PLEASE BARE WITH ME!" You suddenly cried because you couldn't bare the pain you're feeling right now.
Shit. Don't tell me she's..
— Timeskip —
Sae came home just in time, he was carrying a lot of stuff, but he dropped everything except a bottle of water and some pills.
"BABY I'M HERE! I KNEW I HAD TO TRAVEL BACK TO YOU FOR A CERTAIN REASON! I just had a feeling.." There you laid on the corner of the bed, still feeling nauseous.
"Sae, b-baby, I'm.." You stuttered. "Shh.. I know, I'm here. I got water, and some pills to reduce the nausea you're feeling."
He knelt down towards your belly level "So you're coming soon huh? Better take care of your mom here, she's getting dizzy and sick, I don't want that you know" You slightly chuckle "Love, you're so weird." You stated.
"Oh, if I'm weird, I wonder how the little one will be- I'll be teaching this little buddy how to play soccer the moment they come out- but- what if it's a girl— EVEN BETTER!" He ran around the room like a kid full of excitement, this wasn't his typical way of acting, but he was way too excited to be a father. You suddenly cried, "Baby, hey, why are you crying? I'm here now!" He gently sat next you "I-" You sniffled "I thought I was going to suffer alone.. I thought you wouldn't come back.. I thought I would end up being a single moth—"
"Shh" Sae placed his index finger on your lips, signaling you to no longer continue "Honey, I'm here. You're not suffering alone, You won't be taking care of this baby alone. I've been out of the country because of my career, but now, I can set aside my soccer career. Taking care of you and the baby is much more important, don't worry. I've cancelled all my schedules, I'm free the whole year. If I needed to go back to Spain, I'll make sure you'll come along this time. At least I can keep an eye on you" He pecked your forehead as reassurance.
"I will never leave you, so don't cry, it hurts seeing you cry and suffering with pregnancy. I love you okay?" He kissed you once again and you nodded as you felt reassured everything was alright.
=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Michael Kaiser
— You and Kaiser were happily talking with each other through the phone, as you were sipping tea in your balcony floor, admiring the view from there as you talked with the love of your life.
"Once our final game is done meine liebe, I'll come home straight to you and we'll binge watch your favourite series the whole night, how does that sound? Hmm?" His voice muttered from the other end of the phone "I'd love that schatz, I'll be wait—" "Baby? Liebe? Hello? You were saying?" Kaiser's eyes widen as he heard vomit noises from the end of your line "Baby? Are you okay? Hello?" Your voice echoed the bathroom as you cried, you hated the feeling when you puke, it was the worst "Liebe? Are you vomiting?" Kaiser was already too worried "Baby I think I'm—" You continuously vomited. "Ahh!! Where's the pregnancy test?" You yelled.
"Preg— PREGNANCY TEST?!?! SCHATZ DON'T TELL ME.. Fuck." He ended the call immediately.
You didn't noticed he ended the call because you were too stunned from what you saw right in front of you.
"P-positive? No way.. It can't be.. He's still away for three months.." You felt nauseous once again and went back to the toilet seat to puke.
— Timeskip —
"Shit, shit, shit" Kaiser cussed as he was packing stuff in his luggage. "Michael? Where are you off to?" Ness barged in without notice "I'm going back to Germany." Kaiser coldly spoke "Huh? But our training has not completed yet- besides, what's the rush? You told your fiancé that you'll be back after three months."
"Correction, my wife. And she needs me, soccer can wait. Tell Ego, I'm heading out, I'll make it all up, but cannot promise as well. For now, my liebe needs me." Kaiser seriously stated as he finishes packing.
"I'll be going now, tell Yoichi he's in charge now, ciao!"
"I- but-" Kaiser didn't let Ness finish and he slams the door from behind. Ness sighed "It's like he's having a baby or something-" He just shrugged and went off to tell everyone what happened.
— Timeskip —
Kaiser arrived just in time. He unloaded his luggages and extra stuff from the back of his car "Gosh, I hope these stuff will help her.."
He arrived towards your room, he sees you resting peacefully in bed. He caressed your cheeks and kissed your forehead "I'm home meine liebe." He scanned around the room, and saw your leftover tea outside the balcony, and he took it and closed the unclosed sliding door from the balcony.
He surveilled the bathroom as he saw what a mess it was, and he saw a pregnancy test lying on the bathroom counter "Fuck, it's positive?! YAHOO!!" His loud voice woke you up.
"Micha?" You swore you heard a familiar voice. "Liebe!" Your ears rang as you heard it clearly.
You jumped from startledness as Kaiser came out the bathroom with the pregnancy test in his hand. "SCHATZ?!? WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!?" He jumped for joy as he immediately pounced himself in bed with you kissing you non-stop.
You suddenly cried. "Liebe, why are you crying? I'm here!"
You suddenly laughed "Micha.. It's just that, I thought you would come back much more later.. I did not expect you to come home so early.. I'm overwhelmed.." You spoke lightly.
"Oh my süßer Schatz, I can already sense, wait no, I felt you were in need, especially you're carrying our mini us. It's unacceptable if you're suffering alone" His words made your tears fall "Aww Micha.."
"Now now, you want ice cream? As soon as I landed, that was the first thing I bought for you" He proudly said, which made you laugh "That's the pretty smile I wanted to see, now I'll go get it okay? I'm sure little one wants one too hmm?" He spoke to your belly. He kissed your tummy and your lips "Ich liebe dich, schatz. Remember that. I'll go grab the ice cream and extra snacks and we'll watch the series? Like I promised" He winked at you as he left the room to grab the food he mentioned.
You simply laughed, too lucky to have loving fiancé, or should I say, husband, and a father of your future child.
=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Oliver Aiku
— You were cooking ramen for your dinner, as a way to stop your stress over your fiancé Oliver Aiku. He was quite a pain in the ass, but, despite your fiery anger towards him, deep inside you were wishing he would show actions as a proper fiancé.
As you were cooking, tears started to flow. Mood swings suddenly hit you out of the blue. You wiped your tears, turned off the stove and went to the dining room to eat. You were thinking your menstruation was coming up, so you didn't bother to worry.
You were alone, as usual. Aiku has been very busy with his soccer career, and he's always either with Shidou or Sendou. You didn't mind because both were also your friends and constantly updates you wherever they are when Aiku couldn't.
Sendou sent a voice message using Aiku's number saying; "Hey Mrs. Aiku~ your fiancé is at it again, so many people interviewing your bae, what a busy man he is, don't worry, his fangirls won't be able to approach him because I lead them to me and Shidou instead! And damn they're hot!"
You simply let out a small chuckle as you were listening to their update, but at the same time you sighed, wishing Aiku himself would update you instead.
You left your phone open as you went to the kitchen to wash the dishes.
— Timeskip —
You came out the bathroom looking fresh as you just came out from showering. You were about to grab your novel to read when your phone rang, it was Aiku's number, you prayed it was Aiku who was calling this time, but sighed as you saw Shidou instead. "What now?" You let out a tone of annoyance "Hey bae! Just wanted to call on behalf of your hubby, he asked how were you?" Shidou spoke.
"Eh? He could've just told me directly- is he really that bus—" You paused for a bit, as you swore you felt a painful twist in your stomach "Really that what?" Shidou asked "I said is he really that busy to the point he couldn't ask me direct—" You paused again.
"Bae, if you keep on pausing on a wrong timing for fun- stop it, it's not funny" He sassily rolled his eyes "Wait- I need to go to the bathroom real quick.." You went to the bathroom and leaned your phone near the mirror, still on video call with Shidou.
"Uhm- bae? You good— oh my goodness-" You vomited and cried "I'm not feeling well Ryu.. I don't feel good.." You vomited once again "Oh shit- SENDOU!! CALL AIKU IMMEDIATELY! HIS WIFEY IS PUKING RAINBOWS AND SHIT-" Shidou panicked.
You cared less on what's happening on call, you couldn't think straight because your stomach really hurt and the nauseous feeling is taking over, you suddenly cried because of the pain your feeling right now "Shit, must've been the ramen that I ate.." You gaslighted yourself "Bae! When was the last time you had your period?"
You paused for a moment..
"NO! IT CAN'T BE!" You yelled as it echoed around the bathroom as you intensely find a pregnant test somewhere in the room.
"Bingo! Shit, this can't be." You groaned as you took the test.
Silence took over the atmosphere "Uh- Bae? Hello? Sendou! She's quiet!" Shidou panicked again. "Huh? Hello? Our beloved Mrs. Aiku! You good there?" Sendou asked from the end of the line.
You suddenly let out a sharp scream "DAMN WOMAN- CALM DOWN!" Shidou yelled back.
"I'M FUCKING PREGNANT.. IT'S POSITIVE!" You cried "Well shit, I'm telling Aiku, if he ain't listening I'm going to smack the shit out of 'em" Sendou spoke as Shidou ended the call.
You sat there in the bathroom floor spacing out, you soon started crying, knowing that Oliver wouldn't be able to be by your side during your pregnancy days. You sighed and suddenly felt nauseous once again and felt to urge to vomit once more.
— Timeskip —
The front door has been slammed open, with running feet speeding up the stairs.
"My beloved!" Aiku barged in the room, looking for an nauseous fiancé. He checked the bathroom and saw how messy it was, and the smell of vomit was still a bit humid.
"Shit. Where is she?" He scanned every corner of the room until he spotted you spacing out on the couch of the balcony, your eyes being lifeless looking. He soon felt guilt all over him.
He slowly opened the sliding door leading outside the balcony "Baby? I-I'm sorry... I'm here now.." Silence. Silence was the only reply he got from you. "Is it true? It's positive? I-I'm going to be a father?" Still silence.
He sadly sighed and knelt down to see your eyes "My love? Please, talk to me.."
Your eyes soon teared up "You're the one to talk." You replied coldly. "Baby, I'm at fault here I know, I just wanted to clarify if I'm gonna be a fath—"
"WHO SAID YOUR GOING TO BE A FATHER? AFTER HOW YOU TREATED ME?" Aiku went silent. "You asked me to marry you and I said yes, and this is the treatment that I received?!! I feel the mockery Oliver.." You cried.
Oliver gulped "I'm sorry okay? I've been so busy, relying that I finally got a soon-to-be wife, but I forgot to give time.." Your tears continuously flowing.
"Hey baby, don't cry, it's not healthy for the baby.. I don't want to harm you and our child.. You want me here? I'll do it. I'll sacrifice my soccer career. I'll be a proper husband and a father." He stated.
"All you do is talk. Not a single action shown." You replied with a weak tone, tears still flowing.
A few seconds you felt surprised because Aiku is now carrying you in bridal style "Hey! Put me down!" You demanded "You said wanted some action, I'll show you what I just said, I mean it. Again, I'm sorry my baby, can you forgive me?" He asked in a pleading tone.
"Make me." He suddenly kissed you, a soft and warm kiss, which melted your heart. He pecked your cheeks, nose, and forehead after "Now can you forgive me?" You chuckled. "Fine, but I'm still mad at you. I only ate ramen for dinner just so you know." Aiku's eyes widened.
"Am I hearing it right? Ramen?! I don't think so, that's not healthy for the baby. I'll make you soup, it's much more healthier" He demanded "Pfft- since when can you cook?" "Pardon me? I can cook, I just couldn't show you because I was too busy, now I'm here, you'll know" He winked.
You couldn't help but to giggle over his cheesy expression.
A few minutes passed he came with the soup as promised "Here my love, served warm and tasty~" He said as he sat next to you on the bed. He soon fed you spoonful of the soup "Mmm! Tasty indeed! Wow honey, you do cook! Cook for me some time please!" You praised "From now on I'll cook for you everyday!" "Promise?"
"Promise."
— Timeskip —
Shidou and Sendou arrived with extra foods and drinks, "You almost lost the keys- we could've been locked outside-" Sendou said "Eh- they're here anyway, they can open up for us" Shidou replied.
"What if they're asleep-" Sendou added as he placed the paper bags filled with foods and drinks. "Nah they're still up, LOVEBIRDS WE'RE HERE!" Shidou yelled.
"Oh for crying out loud Shidou keep it down!" Sendou spoke sternly as they went up the stairs.
"I told you they're still— awake.." Shidou lowered his voice as he approached your room "See what I mean-" Sendou stated.
You and Aiku were comfortably sleeping in bed cuddling and Aiku continuously caressing your hair. Aiku slowly opened his eyes and spotted his friends and did the "shh" expression, as a sign to keep it down.
Both gave him a thumbs up and Shidou quickly took a pic of you two peacefully resting and swiftly went back downstairs.
Aiku had enough of his friends mischief, he checked up on you and saw you calmly resting, a smile plastered on his face.
"I'm never hurting your precious soul again.." He whispered and gently gave you a peck on the forehead, and he gently went back to sleep.
=͟͟͞͞➳❥ Itoshi Rin
— You finally rested as you've just finished your spring cleaning. You let out a sigh, opening your phone with no notifications from him.
"As usual, no update from him.." You closed your phone and decided to read a novel to pass the time.
The novel you read made your tears drop as you relate to the main character of the story, having a cold and airy fiancé is quite hard.
You closed the novel and stared at the ceiling blankly. You thought of something on how to get Rin's attention. But you suddenly remembered, he still has that caring and loving side. Suddenly your phone popped up an notification, it said;
Rin : [ Hello love, I'll be coming home later in the evening, what do you want for a souvenir? ]
You let out a small chuckle, you seemed so contented and happy from a single notification from him.
Your brows suddenly furrowed, as you felt nauseous and weird, you tried to brush it off with a smile. But as you were replying, that uneasy feeling came back again.
You felt the urge to vomit so you quickly went to the bathroom and threw your phone to the bed, but as you threw your phone out of impatience, you accidentally pressed the call button.
But, Rin immediately answered it. Which was a miracle, but he wasn't the type to really ignore you, he proposed to you for a reason, he loves you.
"Hello? Darling? Uhm- your camera seems to be facing the ceiling-" Rin felt confused "So- uhm- about my question- you kept typing, I expected a long message but—" He paused as he heard a vomit from the end of your line "Honey?!" His tone suddenly changed "Hello?!?" He kept calling your name but no response, instead he keeps hearing you vomit from a distance.
"Shit, never knew this time would be coming.." He said as he ended the call.
On the other hand, you tried to gasp for air. You couldn't help but sob "What is going on with me?!" You cried.
You spaced out for a bit and vomited again.
You went back to bed to see your phone laying on the spot, you noticed some notifications, so you continued messaging Rin without knowing what happened before.
You : [ Anything Rin! I'll accept anything! Thank you for asking! Your presence is what I need the most tho :( ]
After messaging Rin, you decided to take a nap.
— Timeskip —
Rin finally arrived, barging in as if someone was chasing him. "Darling?!! I'm home!" He yelled as he placed all his stuff down and running up the stairs panting.
"HONEY!"
"AHH-" You gasped as you immediately sat up from your slumber "Rin?! What happened?!" You worriedly asked.
Rin ran towards you with a worried face "Are you okay? I brought everything you need" You suddenly felt overwhelmed as his actions were different so suddenly. "H-huh? Rin? Is everything okay?" You seemed confused.
"Oh my gosh" He grabbed a pregnancy test from his pocket "Here take this." He said as he assisted you all the way to the bathroom "What is this? H-hey!" He shuts the door for you.
A few minutes passed as he was walking back and forth from the bedroom, waiting for you to come out, when you did, he immediately checked up on you "So?"
You gulped "I-I'm.." You cried "Shh.. Hey.. Tell me" He sweeps a stray tuft of hair off your face so he could see you clearly. "I'm pregnant.." He went silent for a moment and gave you some space.
You were scared, so you silently cried.
"WOOHOO!! I'M FINALLY GOING TO BE A FATHER! I'M TELLING NII-CHAN!!" He happily yelled as he hugged you tightly.
"Why are you crying? Hey, I'm happy.. Finally.. I'm sorry if I couldn't be here in time.." He kissed your cheek.
You cried even more now, your a crying mess "I just wanted you here!! I'm so lonely in this huge mansion.." He suddenly chuckled "I'm sorry, you know there's a reason why I'm always away right?" You nodded. "I missed you a lot too, I'm just- not good at expressing on what I feel. I'm sorry.."
You went silent for a moment. "I'm sorry for not knowing that.. Why don't let's help each other hmm?" You suggested.
"That's a good suggestion darling, great timing. I won't be away for awhile, so I'll be here doing husband and father duties." He coldly stated, but you felt the care in his tone at the same time.
"I love that!"
"I love you." He said as he cupped your cheeks to kiss you warmly.
#blue lock#bllk#michael kaiser#bllk kaiser#blue lock kaiser#itoshi rin#rin itoshi#rin itoshi x reader#blue lock x female reader#kaiser x reader#sae itoshi#itoshi sae#sae itoshi x reader#oliver aiku#bllk aiku#aiku x reader#blue lock aiku
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can’t take it back once it’s been set in motion ~ matty healy
this is slightly inspired by my favorite ovulation song; oxytocin by billie eilish :P (also this is my first one shot so please be nice!!)
warnings: smut, inexperienced!reader, service top!matty, slight power imbalance, excessive use of the word ‘love’, matty going down soft sound, aftercare, soft(ish) dom!matty, sub!reader.
18+ minors dni!!!
3k+ words
You sigh lightly as your phone lights up your pitch black room, mocking your current state of insomnia. You had set it down over an hour ago to try and force yourself to sleep, but even with a lack of the blue light, you were still wide awake. Sitting up, you reach for your phone and notice an unknown number calling you. Already being unable to sleep, you decide to entertain whoever could possibly be calling you at this hour. Ultimately, deciding to answer.
“Hello?” You speak slowly and softly, still somewhat tired despite being unable to sleep.
“Thank god you answered.” Said the voice, relieved, on the other end of the line.
“Matty?” You could recognize that voice anywhere, even though you were seventy percent sure you were hallucinating right now.
“Im sorry to bother you at this hour, love. I need your help.” Matty breathes out, his voice sounding rushed. You groan to yourself, barely audible. You and Matty had been friends for years, meeting through a mutual friend, but you haven’t heard from him in almost two years until now. He practically ghosted your friendship when he found himself in a new, yet toxic relationship. But, based on the headlines you had read the other day scrolling twitter, they had finally called it quits.
Sitting up, you put your phone on speaker, and sit it in your lap. “Matty, what the fuck do you need?” You’re pissed, but your voice not showing any more than a slight annoyance.
“I need you to come pick me up, take me back to mine. My buddies dragged me out with them to get over, well, you know. Long story short, they are all shit-faced, none of them fucking coherent, and my god damn car service app isn’t working.” He sounds genuinely stressed. “My phones about to die as well, which is bloody fucking fantastic.” Matty grumbles into the phone.
You sit there, momentarily debating your options. You could leave him there, make him figure his shit out on his own. But you also have a soft spot for him after everything, knowing, if anything, he’s not the same person who deserted your friendship a few years ago. A deliberate exhale leaves your mouth, choosing the latter.
“Yeah, okay. Just text me your location before your phone dies. I’ll be there soon.” You hear him start to thank you, but you hang up quickly, not letting him get another word out. Deciding to keep your satin pajama shorts and bra on, you throw a hoodie over and slide on your sneakers. Groaning while grabbing your car keys off the kitchen island, you set off to your car, driving to Matty’s current location.
As you pull up to the bar, you recognize Matty leaning up against the wall, taking a long drag of his cigarette. Nothing has changed. You also notice none of his friends are anywhere to be seen. Odd. Driving up next to where Matty is standing, you roll down your window and his eyes catch yours.
“Long time no see, love.” Matty’s lips twist up into a smirk. Nothing. Has. Fucking. Changed. You watch him stub out his cigarette on the brick wall and toss it into the trash can by him. He climbs into your car shortly after. “Missed your face, thanks for coming to get me.”
Letting out an immediate scoff at his nonchalant behavior, you decide to ignore his comment. “So, Im taking you back to yours, right?”
You feel Matty’s eyes rake over your body, burning into your skin. You can smell some alcohol on him, though you know he’s not a big drinker, only having a glass or two of wine usually, and choosing to stick to his cigarettes or weed. He’s not drunk, so why is he looking at you like that.
“Of course, love.” He speaks lowly, eyes still stuck on you. You decide to disregard his use of the pet name and put your car into drive, pulling off onto the main road.
The drive to Matty’s house was maybe fifteen minutes at most, and yet it felt like an eternity with his eyes fixed on you. It’s almost like he couldn’t believe you actually came to pick him up, not being able to come to terms that you were finally seeing each other after two years.
Pulling up to Matty’s house brought back so many memories, and important moments you two had shared over the years of your friendship. His driveway led you to his front door, as you put your car in park, you finally glance over at Matty, who’s staring attentively. Under the glow of the exterior lights on his house, you notice he’s wearing tight black jeans, a dark belt, blank tank top, and a satin dress shirt. His long curly hair is slicked back slightly, with his sunglasses sitting on top of his head.
“Like what you see?” Matty implies cockily, eyes never leaving yours.
“It’s a fucking Monday.” You glare at him. “Why were you out on a fucking Monday, don’t you think you’re too old for this bullshit?” Continuing to ignore his playful comments, you squint your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest. You slightly feel bad for picking arguments with him, but his remarks are starting to make you feel some type of way.
Matty laughs out loud at your comment, the sudden deep laugh makes you jump a bit. “Lighten up a bit, love.” He nudges his elbow into your arm. You continue to frown at him, clearly not finding anything amusing. Matty falls silent, realizing how upset you actually are. “Look, why don’t you come inside? I can make you some tea, and we could watch a movie like old times?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, waiting on an answer.
Your eyes bore into his. “Fine.” Turning off your car, you and Matty step out, walking up to his front door. He unlocks his door and steps to the side, motioning for you to come in. You take off your sneakers and set them on the mat, walking over to his living room and sitting down on his massive couch. He joins you promptly, sitting right next to you, a little too close for the amount of spots he could’ve picked from.
“Still a little bratty? Huh?” He asks casually, not once looking up at you as he turns on his TV.
“Excuse me?” Your eyes widen at his sudden judgement.
“Bratty. You’ve always been a little brat, love. It’s cute, though. Never minded it. Some things just never change.” He chuckles to himself, shaking his head.
Can’t take it back once it’s been set in motion
Your mouth is agape, taken aback by his words, struggling to make a counter remark.
“I see no one’s ever tried putting you in your place yet.” Matty hums absentmindedly, setting the remote down and glancing over at your shocked face.
You know I love to rub it in like lotion.
Pink flushes on your cheeks and neck as you stare at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say next. "I- what?" You stumble over your words, mouth suddenly dry.
Matty moves closer, invading any personal space you were clinging onto. His hand falls on your thigh, squeezing as he keeps his eyes locked on yours. "Oh, you heard me loud and clear, love. Don't play stupid now." He whispers, eyes flickering to your lips momentarily.
You lose the ability to speak, eyes unable to leave his. "Matty-" He cuts you off.
"C'mon darling, I saw how you were looking at me in the car, and how eager you were to come pick me up tonight, even after all this time"
I can see it clear as day.
The blush on your cheeks deepens as you feel his hot breath fan across your skin, creating goosebumps up your arms. You grab onto his forearm, putting your other hand on his chest, trying to keep a small distance between you two. Matty was very attractive, you couldn't deny it. But your inexperience was making you hesitate, unsure of how to handle his advances.
Before you could react, Matty reached his hand out and placed it on your cheek, the other still resting on your thigh, squeezing tighter than before. His face was only centimeters away from yours as he breathes out, "Tell me to stop and I will. But you don't want me too, do you, love?"
You don't really need a break.
You close your eyes tightly, feeling flustered at his words. A warmth growing in your stomach, an unfamiliar feeling. You think about pushing him off, but your body ached for him, not wanting to stop this. Without any more hesitation, you look back up at him, shaking your head slowly, an invitation for him to continue.
Wanna see what you can take.
At your permission, Matty crashes his lips against yours, moving the hand that was on your cheek down to your neck. You let out a small gasp at the contact. He takes this as a chance to deepen the kiss, taking up every part of your mouth with his. The grip on your thigh moves up, closer to your heat. His fingers play with the hem of your pajama shorts, pushing them up slightly, almost exposing your underwear. You let out a pathetic whine as he breaks the heated kiss.
"God, Ive wanted to do this for years, you have no idea." Matty grumbles out as he pulls off your hoodie swiftly, pushing you down to lay back against the arm rest. He hovers over you, pulling down your satin shorts slowly, eyes never breaking contact from yours. "You're so fucking pretty baby, my perfect girl." You blush at his words, letting out a soft groan. Feeling like a prey under the gaze of a predator, you fix your eyes on the ceiling, unable to look at him.
You should really run away.
Matty notices this, and reaches his hand out to grab at your chin, directing your attention back to him. "Don't you dare look away, keep your eyes on me, yeah?"
Your eyes meet his again, his pupils blown with lust. He looks at you with a stern look, asserting his dominance as you nod silently. Matty smirks at your obedience, and starts rubbing small circles on your heat. You moan louder this time at the friction, pushing your hips up against his hand.
Other people wouldn't stay. Other people don't obey.
"That's right, love. Does that feel good? Do you want more?" Matty's eyes stay trained on yours. You feel small under his gaze, yet enjoying how he towers over you, his chain dangling in front of your face. You clench your legs together as his fingers rub at your clit, growing wetter by the second.
Your stomach starts to tighten, already close to an orgasm. "Im close, please, I can't." You cry out, throwing your head back on the arm rest.
His fingers suddenly disappear from your clit, and you cry out from the sudden loss.
"Do I need to repeat myself? I told you to keep your eyes on me, yeah? Be a good girl for me, darling." Matty reiterates, moving his other hand up to your neck again, applying pressure but not fully cutting off your airway.
You nod feverishly, not wanting him to stop again. Your eyes pleading for forgiveness. Matty chuckles and reaches his hand back down, his fingers barely grazing your clit again as he pulls your underwear down your thighs, exposing your wet cunt to him. The cold air against your core makes you shudder, the contrast in temperature sending a wave of pleasure up your spine.
Matty watches your reaction intently, reveling in how it doesn't take much to get you worked up. He releases your neck from his grip and places his lips against your neck, searching for your pulse point. You expose your neck more, giving him silent permission to continue.
I wanna do bad things to you.
"God, you really are a desperate thing, aren't you love? Tell me where you want me." He murmurs into your neck, planting kisses and bites around the sensitive area as he rubs tight circles on your clit. You flush at his words, letting out a whimper.
"Anywhere, please." You beg him, jerking your hips up to create more friction again. He lets out a soft chuckle into your neck at this.
"Your wish is my command, darling." Matty smirks and pulls away from your neck. He begins to move down your body, trailing kisses until he reaches your cunt. He breathes out onto your heat, then swiftly attaches his lips to your clit, sucking hard. You cry out from the new feeling, body squirming with pleasure.
Matty hums against your pussy at the cry you let out, creating a vibrating sensation. Your hands grip at his head, your fingers curling into his hair and pulling. You keep your eyes on him as he flicks his tongue against your clit repeatedly, mouth hanging open in a silent moan.
"So fucking perfect for me." He mumbles, wrapping his hands around your legs, keeping them wide open for him. His tongue teases your tight hole, licking thick stripes wherever he could reach before his attention is drawn back to your clit, sucking persistently.
Your back arches off the couch, fingers gripping at his hair and pulling hard. "Matty, fuck, Im gonna come, fuck-" You stumble over your words, feeling your stomach tighten at his continued abuse against your cunt.
Matty pulls away momentarily, "Go ahead, darling. Be a good girl for me and come on my tongue, yeah?" He picks up speed, mercilessly sucking and circling his tongue on your pussy.
I wanna make you yell.
Your legs clench together, affectively trapping him against your core as your body tenses up. You throw your head back, letting out an obscenely loud moan as you feel your orgasm wash over your body. Your hips buck up into his mouth, feeling even more wetness pool where his mouth is. Matty moans against your cunt, sending aftershocks from your orgasm straight to your heat again.
"You taste fucking unbelievable, love." He grunts out, making sure to swallow every last bit of your orgasm. Your body twitches from overstimulation as he finishes cleaning you up with his tongue.
Matty pulls away, his lips soaked with your fluids. You look at him with heavy eyes, feeling almost drunk from your orgasm. He looks almost as wrecked as you. You are about to sit up and reach for him when you glance down and realize he's still hard, but he stops you.
"I know you're tired. You don't have to finish me off. Another time, okay?" Matty speaks lowly, keeping eye contact with you as he stands up and grabs a blanket from the basket near the coffee table. He sits on the edge of the couch next to you, wrapping you up in the fluffy blanket. You blink up at him, exhaustion washing over your body.
Matty stares down at you, giving you a look filled with an emotion you couldn't quite pinpoint. You sigh out, feeling his body press up next to yours. He pulls you into his arms tightly, brushing his fingers through your hair.
"Thank you for that." You admit your appreciation shyly, a content smile on your lips.
Matty grins down at you, "Of course, love. Anything for you." He runs his fingers through your hair, brushing the strands out of your face. Your eyes flutter shut, unable to fight the sleep coming over you this time.
#matty healy#matty healy x reader#matty healy smut#the 1975#matty healy fanfiction#the 1975 smut#first fic#im so nervous to post this#please leave a comment if you enjoy it and i might do a pt 2.
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Hello! I plan on doing a Sailor Moon rewrite later on next year (bc i have a lot of shit to do in the entirety of my 3rd year of university) and I'd like to know what issues you have with each season of sailor moon. You don't have to name all of them, just name the biggest problem(s) you have with each season!! I hope I am not troubling you :3
Hi! You're no trouble at all! Thank you for asking, I'm humbled you're interested in hearing my opinion.
Ok, let's see. Before I start I wanna say, these are MY opinions based on also how I'm doing my own rewrite AU thingy, so don't take it personally if I don't want to include elements or characters you love. (Most fo the time it doesn't even mean I don't like those characters in canon, I just don't think they'd fit with the specific narrative I have in my mind)
I'll say for Season 1, my biggest issue is the amount of time it takes to get everyone in the cast. By the time we get Mina it's like what, over 3/4ths of the season in? I like that the show takes its time introducing everyone and giving the girls some organic bonding time in the filler, but there's better ways to do it imo. That's why I have Usagi be the last to awaken and meet an already tranformed Ami and Rei, so we don't totally break from Usagi being the center at first. We can use her as a vessel to get to know these new people and this crazy new identity at the same time she does, letting us know more about her too in the process, while not slowing the pace of the story to a crawl. As we get to know more, you can introduce the rest of the girls and break from the main group to catch glimpses of Mako and Mina, to later unite them. But that's my fix, there's other ways to fix the slow introductions, just.. don't maybe go manga style and spend only one ep per girl and immediately move on to the next, give them time to breathe.
My main issue with Season 2 is the time travel. The show does NOT know its own rules and that is a recipe for disaster, once you introduce an ally that is able to time travel, you got a LOT in your hands. Everything in the show could be solved with one travel through time, but they never do. Why? Cause otherwise the show wouldn’t exist. It leaves too many possibilities and questions that is not ready to answer. Idk how one could fix it, I'm sure there's many ways you could, I just have 0 interest in incorporating time travel in sm.
With Season 3 I'd say it's the introduction of the whole Pharaoh 90 or Mistress 9 thing. I don’t know, I know they are the main baddies, but like.. just make Saturn the main threat, she already basically is. That's my problem with it, I'm sure a ton of people disagree, but I'd rather the season just focus more on Saturn, Haruka, Michiru and Pluto, I don't need another "queen Nehellenia" type villain that gets introduced 2 seconds before the end. And I lovee Eudial and Mimete, but we don't need 5 of them. I'd just make those 2 Tomoe's assistants and that's that. Too many villains, especially if you're not going to do a motw format.
With Season 4.. uff where do I even begin. Tbh I scratch the whole season and do a ground up rebuilding project, but if I HAVE to stick with the canon structure I'll say make Nehellenia more present. She's THE BEST part of SuperS, make her more present and more threatening. Give her that mirror power from the get go, make her appear in mirrors, reflections, show her subtly , in the background, give the season a subtle but palpable atmosphere of unease, make her scary. I WANT TO BE SCARED of her! Also unrelated, but get RID of the S*A metaphor with the 3 eyes.
With Stars the whole pacing the season is a mess. The start is way too slow and the end is rushed as fuck. Introduce Galaxia as a present threat earlier, again idk how you'd do that exactly while keeping the episodic tempo of the show, but my solution is. Don't! Lol
#ask me stuff#sailor moon#srry this got rished I'm running out of time#ill fix this later#ty for the ask hun#good luck with ur rewrite#fixed
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Oh my god, am I actually writing real fictional words? Is the world finally ending?
Anyway. A scene in my head, now out of my head and on the screen. Tamsin de Riva/Lucanis, after the near-kiss and (right) before Inner Demons. Spoilers inside.
~~~~
"Hey." Lucanis's voice is soft and more than a little tense - Tamsin isn't surprised, given the circumstances. But she doesn't expect the topic, not right now, not in the middle of everything. "About the other night ..."
"I already told you, don't worry about it." The knot in her chest tightens, but this is not something either of them should be chewing on here, in the middle of Dock Town, as they duck around Venatori and try not to attract attention.
Lucanis shakes his head. "You deserve ... an explanation. Whether or not I have a good one."
She wants to snap at him, not now! But maybe this is his way of not thinking about whatever news they're about to get. She supposes, to keep him from dissociating any more than he already does, she can revisit her own humiliation. In the middle of Dock Town.
This day is shaping up to be just fantastic.
So, she looks over at him and gives him a small smile. "Listen, I understand. It wasn't what you wanted. There really doesn't need to be any more explanation than that. I'm not offended." Embarrassed, yes. But that's her own problem.
Lucanis stops short. It takes Tamsin a moment to process it - she stops two steps ahead of him and looks back. He's looking at her with his head slightly tilted, as if she's suddenly a puzzle to be solved. "What?" she asks.
"You think ..." He shakes his head. "Tamsin."
She steps back to meet him again. "Hmmm?"
He touches her arm - just a brief brush of fingers, before he withdraws and curls the fingers into a fist at his side. But as with each of his touches, few as they've been, Tamsin can feel the spark on her skin, even beneath the sleeve of her leathers. "Trust me, the problem had nothing to do with a lack of desire."
Oh. "Well. Okay."
"If you know nothing else, please know that."
"Okay," she repeats. She can feel her heart pounding, and she knows her cheeks are stained red. So are his, for that matter. She remembers the whisper of his breath across her face, that one moment when ... almost. How much she wanted. Still wants - always wants, if she's being honest. And she felt so pitiful for it that night, after he walked away.
But. Now.
"I guess," she says slowly, "knowing that ... whatever the problem is, when and if you may want to try, I'm here."
"I know," he murmurs, low enough that she barely hears the words over the bustle of the city around them. "You always are. Somehow."
Tamsin shrugs, and feels a relieved smile cross her face. "Where else would I be? Come on, I do not want Viago to read me the riot act for making him wait. It's embarrassing enough in Treviso, where everyone around already knows he's full of shit."
"No one in Minrathous will pay him much mind either. It's not like he's a mage." Lucanis takes a deep breath. "Sure. Let's go see what he ... what Viago and Teia have for us."
She can feel the thread of rage and despair under his words, so she takes the chance and reaches out to clasp and squeeze his hand lightly, quickly, before walking on. The only way out is through, as usual.
#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard fic#lucanis dellamorte#lucanis x rook#rookanis#tossing this out into the void#it's written so why not?
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Danny couldn’t tell you when he joined the team. The first time he’d met Zatanna, she’d invited him to join the Justice League Dark. He’d denied, but had decided to stick around anyway. Then, somewhere along the line, Constantine had given him a JL communicator and that had been that. There was no initiation, no paperwork, and no official title given. One day, Phantom just showed up.
The Justice League, according to Raven who heard from Red Robin who was told by Nightwing who’d been in the room when Batman had found out, had had a bit to say about not going through the official process.
Phantom still wasn’t an actual member of either team, but he wasn’t upset about that. Sure, he didn’t get any of the perks that everyone else did, but he wasn’t the slightest bit upset about that.
As far as legalities and technicalities were concerned, Phantom wasn’t a part of the Justice League Dark. So why, pray tell, was he in a meeting between the JL and the JLD? Again?
The threat was an unknown being of supernatural origin. At least, that’s what he’d been told. Deadman had contacted him half way through the meeting to tell him that they’d probably need his expertise on this matter. Which, Danny would like to point out, was a very niche area. But, Deadman is one of his team - whenever that had happened - as well as one of his people. He was inclined to believe him.
Turns out that showing up to that meeting when called was a good idea. It was a larger scale than when he’d first dealt with something like it, but he knew this particular pattern anywhere.
As King, the Infinite Realms fed him information about where his people were and what they were doing. If they were in one of the infinite realms, if they were in the in between they all called home. She even let him know when someone joined or rejoined their chosen afterlife, seeing as the Realm Between was first and foremost an Afterlife. What She told him most, though, is where Concepts and Gods were and what they were going. The Observants were supposed to keep track of everything, especially because he was dealing with Living business, but they were doing a horrible job.
“Comas.” Superman was explaining, “We don’t know the cause, and none of the people have anything obvious in common.”
“So we need to find the source and take care of it, yeah?” Constantine said. Superman nodded. The Brit turned to Phantom. “So, Phantom, you recognise this?”
Phantom sighed tiredly. He so needs a pay raise for this. “Yeah, I do.”
The heroes in the room straightened up. Deadman smiled, “See? I told you we’d need ya here!”
“Shut up, man, I was having a good break,” he whined. “Besides, I’m not even a part of either team.”
“No,” Zatanna nodded, “But you agreed to be a consultant for the JLD. Now do your job; consult.”
Groaning again, Phantom let his head fall to the table. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll go take care of it.” He stood, “C’mon, Deadman.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because I want ice cream after I’m done and I’m gonna make you buy it.”
“I’m dead!”
“And? So am I.”
“I-”
“Just go with him, Deadman. Unless you’d rather be stuck in the House?”
It was Deadman’s turn to sigh. “Yeah, fine, alright.”
“I told you I’m a younger sibling, right?”
“Gasp! No. My own King? The betrayal!”
***
Phantom thought he and Nocturn were on pretty good terms. The king of Dreams had been pretty chill since they’d first fought, never really stepping on any toes, but he just had to go pull shit like this!
Well, Phantom wanted to be mad at Nocturn. However, this wasn’t the king of Dreams’ fault. In fact, this wasn’t even the fault of any of his people! It looked like the work of a Realms Being, but closer inspection proved it to be a really good fake out.
“This isn’t Nocturn.” he said to Deadman, “This isn’t anything I’ve seen before.”
“So, it’s just a really good fake?” the ghost asked.
Phantom nodded. “Yeah. Sorry for doubting you, Nocturn.” There was no response, but he didn’t expect one. He knew the ghost heard, however.
“So, what do we do now?”
“We should probably report back and get a bigger team on this.”
“You’re going to willingly work with the teams?”
“I do anyway.”
“Fair.”
“C’mon, let’s go get ice cream and call Mister Battison.”
“I still can’t believe you don’t call him ‘Batman’. Have you called him that to his face yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Are you ever going to?”
“Maybe.”
As it turns out, being dead does, in fact, prevent you from buying ice cream. So, Phantom had to go as Danny to get ice cream for himself while Deadman contacted the Justice League. Can he call discrimination? Too much paperwork.
Someone has a huge pair of balls to copy Nocturn and blame him. How, was the question. How did they know how Nocturn operated? Was the copy on purpose, or was it a complete accident? How were they knocking these people out? How were they doing it on such a large scale? Was it one person? Was it an organization? Was it actually supernatural? He knew for a fact that it wasn’t the Realms or Her people, but that’s all he knew.
Half the job is detective work, which is why the Justice League operates as a team. The Justice League Dark keeps their information close to their chest, working with what they know because they already know everything they need to about the cases they work on. And if they don’t know something, the JL has someone find out for them while the JLD figures it out as they go along.
Danny’s never been good at investigative work. When he was a kid, all his heroing was punching the problem until it went away. And if that didn’t work, he got back up and punched harder. Sam, Tucker, Jazz, and Valerie had always been so much better at the whole ‘gathering information’ aspect.
He worked well with a team, but he liked to work alone.
“Constainte,” he said as soon as the man answered his phone, “It’s not sourced from the Realms.”
“Hello to you, too, mate,” the magic user grumbled, “Deadman just finished telling the League. You enjoy your ice cream?”
“Would’ve been better if I didn’t have to buy it,” he muttered. “Are we sure this is a supernatural problem? It looks like Nocturne's work, but it’s got ‘human made’ written all over it.”
“Batman’s been looking into it with his team, minus Red Robin. He assures that it’s magical.”
“Well that limits exactly nothing. I can head to the Realms and see if She can tell me anything, but I doubt it. Maybe try asking the City Spirits?”
“Not every city has a spirit, Phantom.”
“No, but they all have graveyards. Try the protection spirits in the cities of the victims. Maybe even try seeing if the hospitals they’re staying at are haunted.”
“And talk to Hospital Ghosts? No thanks.”
“They’re not that bad.”
“You only say that because you’ve never had to deal with a pissed off Hospital Spirit.”
“Don’t piss off the Hospital Spirits and you’ll be fine!”
“Easier said than done, kid.”
“Send Z if you’re really that nervous about it.”
“She’s even less likely to.”
“Then go with Nightwing.”
“You’d trust a Bat to talk to a Hospital Spirit?”
“I trust Nightwing to talk to a Hospital Spirit. And a Graveyard Spirit. Besides, isn’t one of the victims from Bludhaven?”
A sigh. “What’d he do to get your trust so easily?”
“He’s just a little guy, Connie!”
“He’s a grown ass man. And don’t call me Connie!”
“Exactly!” Phantom’s grin was audible. “He’s just a guy!” His energy dropped a bit. “Seriously, though, take Nightwing and talk to some Graveyard and Hospital Spirits. Also see if Lady Gotham can help out. I’ll go see what the Infinite Realms can tell me.”
“Alright. You’ll be back for dinner?”
“If you’re buying.”
Part 14 Part 16
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#seriously didn’t they have anything better to do#nope#gotta ruin and completely destroy this girl#even though when I was in the state troopers car#their radio kept going off#no#nooooope#need to keep going through my shit and taking everything#didn’t realize they took so fucking much#took my weed#obviously#both my grinders#so so so sad they took my crown grinder that was like the first gift I’ve really given myself#it was for my 21st bday#I still remember getting it#they took my bubbler#took my small weed jar#I’m super lucky they left my bongs and a few pieces#but why take my bubbler if you’re going to leave the rest#idk it just doesn’t make sense to me#especially since weed is legal in AUGUST#I have a few weeks#you couldn’t just fucking leave it#really#I’m so upset#idk how to do today man#trying to sleep and I can’t even do that without sobbing#I’m just a mess idk#shut up rosie
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#not sure how long I can go on feeling like this#like its fine im fine im not going to do anything permanent or harmful#but my tolerance for discomfort I am finding out is absolutely in the fuckingn ground#which makes a lot of sense considering the amount of coping mechanisms I’m using To numb on a regular basis#but holy fucking shit I can’t keep feeling like this#i need to start feeling like myself again#i don’t feel like myself#i feel no creativity#no spark#no interest#everything is difficult#even everyday tasks like putting on makeup feel like climbing a mountain#and I feel so ashamed for the struggles#and Caige keeps telling me to be gentle with myself#but I feel like I can’t be because if I’m gentle with myself than I’m scared I’ll never get out of this pit#i feel like I just need to power through it#was googling#‘how to get over burnout without taking a break’#and it’s like. ‘how to fill up your car with gas without putting any gas in the tank’#but I’m so fucking stubborn I feel incapable and unwilling to give myself time or space#which is dumb because it’s not like I’m making any progress with the way things are going now#im just exhausted#sleeping so much#don’t know how to get back to myself#rabbit rambles#no need to say anything I just needed to get this off my chest
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hi this is a post saying i will not b online((or try)) until i get my g.e.d.
i love u all if i uh, yk never return
hugs hugs many sweet dreams & good mornings!
#i had a much longer post then realized no1 wants 2 read all that long#i dont want 2 like fill the tags w/reasons y im suddenly doing this#hell i might regret this & delete it a minute l8r#but like. i need my highschool diploma#ive failed school like all the way through. my entire school career looks good in concept but its not#shit im going 2 start crying again#<- that is also y#i keep crying i keep like getting rlly sad & self#destructive & idk how 2 fix that so im doing this so no1 hears my whining#uhhh pray 4 me 2 pass ig lol#hugs hugs hugs mnay hugs#this feels like a final goodbye bc my self confidence is so bad jdjfiosk#summer school; switching classes bc of bad grades; getting expelled; having numerous teacher conferences; having my teachers talk 2 me like#im their kid just bc my mother works @ the school ohh my god that hurt the most & made me want 2 go monkey mode#point is im not good @ school & never have been & it stresses me out & im so scared#im so afaid im crying just thinking about sitting in a class#i love learning i love ideas i love questions MY FAVORITE SUBJECT IS MATH but im just so scared 4 some reason#& idk if ill b able 2 do it#i can barely see my screen help djchis#anyways im going 2 try my best bc i want 2 talk 2 my friends & uhm thats rlly it#but i cant do that unless i get better so im going 2 try 2 not#i ended up rambling in the tags blehhh#niko is also w/me rn as always & i will give him all the kisses &love i can so nobody worry about that#watch me take this post back in a day bc the internet has been 1 of my only safe soaces#this is so pathetic kanfkf & me saying so does not make it any less so#i just jumped out of the car & walked 2 hrs home crying bc im an actual disaster rn#like what if everything im thinking rn makes no sense#i mean not the school thing#i need 2 do that#i need 2 stop stalling
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i rememorized how to solve a rubik's cube!
#unfortunately i accomplished this at 3am last night ;-;#i stayed up late for hw again and then needed a break#i love my stellar class sm bc the prof is such a down to earth and silly guy#who really prioritizes student lesrning over grades#and i love that so so so very much#and the content in class is cool!!!#the hw just takes me forever#and with everything else i have to do it piles up and i keeping staying up late to do it ;-;#and then after doing that + staring at a screen/coding for so many hours in a row i need a break before i go to bed#and then i stay up later#and by that time it's too late for melatonin#so i end up staying up later bc even though i'm exhausted i can't fall asleep bc i'm anxious#about the fact that it's late + how little sleep i'm going to get + whether or not i'll sleep through my alarms#+ the parts of the hw i still have left + the one million tasks i've put off and still need to do#tldr: i got like 4 hours of sleep and woke up 30 mins before class and rushed to campus (i didn't get to shower)#and i barely ate anything and i feel like shit#i'm about to eat lunch but i am shaky and unwell#i keep telling myself i can't keep living like this but i can't figure out how to not be in this situations ;-;#<- oh wow that's a lot of tags o.o#if you got to the end of them pls know i love + appreciate you sm for listening to me <3#i will be okay. just having a rough time rn#zip quips
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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I feel such joy to know ppl & hear them share things with me. Looooove having friends and picking their brains, I really should do it more often than I do now tbh
#I do think I need to get back on trying to keep up with all my friends#like there are areas of my life I wish I’d put more effort into bc I want to keep cultivating my dnd friendships#bc those are so so so so special to me and I really should do more to like grow those friendships#bc any relationship takes time and love and tending and I do that but I’d like to do more#but there’s a lot of areas in my life I wish I’d improve#I’m getting there tho I don’t wish to come as mean to myself rn#bc I feel very good I just got done playing dnd and that’s always such a fun time#I love seeing my friends it really boosts my will to live and makes me feel like a person again#idk we are going through it and I know why but also I don’t know why and idk how to explain#we’ll see if I can do something in therapy but also I need this insurance shit to get mailed to me so I can stop#stressing about everything#life is so hard I’m so proud of every person on this planet except for the billionaires and shit#bc we are all out here in the trenches in wjatever form that takes and Christ it aucks#but I can still take your hand or message u online and we can have a little laugh
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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#i have been lying around with the urge to like um erase myself teeheeeeeeeeeeee#i love having a thin skin and also gng through PMS and also just being idk someone who hates themselves a lot hahahaahahahaha#I JUST WENT TO FUCKING THERAPY FOR MY FEELINGS OF NEEDING TO BE USEFUL AND KEEP PEOPLE HAPPY#JUST LAST WEEK#WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKKKKKK#MENTAL HEALTH IS SO MUCH FUCKING HARD WORK I HATE IT HERE#IVE BEEN FEELING TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST ALL DAY TODAY AND THIS STUPID THING JUST DETONATED#AND ITS A FUCKING SUNDAY I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW KNOWING I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT AT WORK#i feel like everyone probably hates me AND they should bc im so useless#AND IM SOMEHOW SUPPOSED TO UNLEARN NEEDING TO FEEL NEEDED????? WTF?????????????? GIRLLLLLLLLLLL I DONT HAVE THAT KINDA SELF ESTEEM L O L#i mean we all know hahaha yeah self esteem its something ure supposed to build yourself! it takes work!#I DONT WANNA DO THE WORK IT SUCKS HERE WHY CANT EVERYONE JUST LOVE ME AND FOR ME TO BE AWESOME AND FLAWLESS OMG IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR#fuck i know it is. and im supposed to sit down and imagine sitting down with some older fucking wise self and idk sit down and watch myself#so i can see how my brain is beating me up for jack shit but god its painful to even think about#and dinner is happening soon and i dont have any excuse for not gng to the dinner table soon#meanwhile im having a breakdown lolllll gotta pretend everything is fine and im not losing my mind so my parents wont call me a lil bitch :)#NEGATIVITY#i hate how much suicidal ideations are imprinted into my brain hehehehehehehe
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol
#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light#enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through#the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps#they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us#they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there#we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own#and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do#theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom#and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open#for 2 minutes straight#theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to#refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it#and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat#one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean#more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will#stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor#(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out#nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just#likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that#but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other#to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for#student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment#but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates#ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff#but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days#even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth#but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything#like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying
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