#need to hunt for the lyrics to every song immediately because they were all so beautiful! ❤️😭
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wordswhisperinthedark · 9 days ago
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IT'S OUT! 🥳
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This album feels like a hug (ಥ﹏ಥ)❤️
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orinfucker · 1 year ago
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12:52 AM
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thinking about gortash corrupting an innocent, naïve tav. they always tried to see the good in everyone around them, even if said person wasn’t necessarily a positive influence.
enver watched as they walked into the audience hall with a welcoming smile on their face, their companions trailing behind them with less then happy expressions. the chosen spoke with a sense of faux sympathy, his words striking meaning into the adventurer stood in front of him.
gortash knew he had them wrapped around his finger before the conversation even ended, easily convincing them to hunt down orin’s netherstone for the ‘better good’ of his people. he knew your companions could see through his lies, but what did that matter? he’d just tell tav to ignore their concerns, because he obviously knew what was best for them in the end!
when he finally got his hands on them, their would be no need to convince them any further - not when his hands caressed the length of their torso, or when his cock slid into the warmth of their cunt. tav’s mind was only filled with satisfying him, believing every word that he spoke.
gortash always looked forward to hearing those little knocks on his office door, knowing it was the little adventurer coming to fulfill their needs. he knew it was morally wrong to be playing with their head like this, but how could he stop when his name sounded so delicious on their lips?
what enver loved the most, however, was how obedient tav acted around him. if he needed an errand to be run? tav would get it for him almost immediately. someone owed him money? they’d have it for him by the end of the day.
while all that was lovely, gortash’s favorite was when he asked them to tend to his more intimate needs. tav would be on their knees instantly, their jaw falling open as enver thrusted his cock down their throat, fucking into them to release his stress from the day. he could never get tired of watching them struggle to take his entire length, their cheeks stained with tears while they gagged against him.
and he could never get over the feeling of their cunt stretching open as his cock pushed into them, his name falling from their mouth like lyrics of a song. enver fucked into tav like he hated them, his dick bruising the walls of their pussy with every thrust. he would whisper small praises into tav’s ear, telling them how much of a good pet they were for taking him.
whenever tav had their doubts about gortash’s plans, he would always reassure them that there was nothing to be worried about. he was going to save baldur’s gate. he was going to rule over the city; and they’d be right by his side while he did so.
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chorusfm · 7 months ago
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Letters Sent Home
Recently I was able to catch up with a German quartet called Letters Sent Home to discuss their new LP, Forever Undone, that released today via SharpTone Records. The highly anticipated album features recently released singles, “Request Denied” and “Elements”, alongside nine ambitious and exciting new tracks. The band is comprised of singer Emily Paschke, bassist Lara Ripke, guitarist Robin Werner, and drummer Louis Schramm. In this interview, I asked the band about their excitement level with releasing their debut LP, their touring plans, and much more. Forever Undone can be purchased here. Can you tell me what went into the writing process for your song “Hysteria”? The inspiration for the instrumental for Hysteria was the song “Family” by Badflower. This song immediately caught our attention because of its song structure and verses that only contain vocals and drums. We loved how the verses focused solely on the gut wrenching lyrics. So, we drew from this idea and added our own twist to it. Lyrically, the song summarizes my thoughts on social media in the postmodern days. It shows the struggle to never be good enough in the age and eyes of social media and how even the slightest misstep can make you a villain. What was it like filming the music video for this song as well? It was a dream come true filming with the very talented Pavel Trebukhin (TRE FILM), who also filmed and directed the video for “I hope I die first.” We had a very clear vision of what we wanted the video to look like but we didn’t have the resources to implement that vision, so we had to compromise. We wanted it to be a witch hunt and although we changed the original story, we think the essence of it stayed and we are more than happy with what Pavel was able to achieve. We filmed this video after a long video shoot for “I hope I die first.” The day before, so we were all exhausted but we pulled through and finished earlier than expected. The feeling you get after the “It’s a wrap” is unbelievably satisfying haha. Does your band have any plans to tour the States? If so, how do you plan to craft out the setlist for the upcoming tour? Unfortunately, we have no plans to tour the States yet but this is something we are working very hard for to be able to do eventually. To be completely honest, we always put those songs on our setlists that are the most fun to play and those that we have learned the crowd always enjoy. For the upcoming shows we are changing our intro for the first time in two years which is really overdue.  Your debut album comes out this Friday, April 12th, called Forever Undone. What are your expectations for how the material will be received by fans both old and new? Also, what is the meaning behind the title of the LP? We think that this album perfectly describes us as a band with all our personalities and influences. You will be able to find songs on the album that remind you of the old material but you will also find new vibes and styles that we wanted to try out. Old fans will be used to us experimenting and hopefully appreciate it and new fans will be surprised by the genre variety on the album but, we hope, in a good way. The album title Forever Undone basically means that we and the world are never complete. We don’t have a finish line we will run through. There is always something in us that is undone or broken that needs healing or evolution. You’ll find this theme in every song on the album. “Request Denied”, for example,  deals with depression and how it never really just goes away, so I just deal with it. “I hope I die first” shows how a love story is forever undone and never a hundred percent perfect. The trauma and experiences that I deal with on this album broke something inside of me but it also made me who I am today and that will never change. Therefore, I am forever undone.  Every band has a story to tell with their music. What do you hope people will take away most when they listen to Letters Sent Home? We are so vulnerable… https://chorus.fm/features/interviews/letters-sent-home/
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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 2 years ago
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Okay here's the song link Black Sun - FNF Lyrics
It's an unofficial lyric version of “black sun” A sonic.exe Friday Night Funkin mod song. Aka they made up lyrics for the beep in Friday night funkin mod. (Nobody singing anything. the words just appear on the screen) Said lyric video only has 100 thousand Views. 
 Somebody's Made Up lyrics to the beep Boop in A mod rap BATTLE WITH FAKER Sonic In Friday night funkn is Kyurem THE ICE DRAGON I CAN'T. 
sure if you really don't want to click on the video I'll just put the lyrics here. It's so freaking close I'm in hysterics. It's literally just Kyurem except it has insomnia/Incredibly motivated and everything is on fire instead of everything being cold as hell.  Kyurem does not sleep once and everyone suffers. *Calamity Bells start ringing
 I kept this in me for months. 
Lyrics (beeps and boops/it sounds off because they were basing it off of pre-existing sounds)
UNCHARTED, BLAZING RAGE
BURNT TO A CRISP IN A FLASH
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CAN YOU NOT SEE THE END OF ALL?
EVERYONE'S FLEEING
YOU CANNOT RUN FROM MY GRASP
I'LL CATCH YOU EVENTUALLY
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YOUR MIND STRAINING
MAJOR PRESSURE
IT'S DRIVING YOU MAD
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SKULLS SCATTERED ACROSS THIS HELLSCAPE
NOWHERE TO RUN, THERE IS NO ESCAPE
LET'S PLAY A GAME OF HIDE AND SEEK
READY OR NOT, HERE I COME
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THE BLACK SUN IS CALLING YOUR NAME
NO NEED TO FRET, IT IS TAME
COME CLOSER, LET ME LURE YOU NEAR
EATING THE REMAINS OF WHAT'S LEFT HERE
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BREAKING BONES AND EATING SOULS
MY SANITY IS GONE
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO JOIN THIS FEAST?
RUNNING, RUNNING, FARTHER, FARTHER
SEE THE END
FLEEING, FLEEING, SEETHING SEETHING
NO MORE CONTROL
I'LL MAKE YOU FEEL TRUE TERAPHOBIA
REMEMBER EVERY LITTLE MOMENT
IT IS GONE, NOTHING REMAINS
GAPING JAW WILL EAT YOU WHOLE__
FLEETING, FLEETING, TIME IS, TIME IS, 
COMING TO A STANDSTILL
I'LL MAKE YOU SEE THE END
ABOMINATION, WRETCHED MONSTER
CAUGHT ON THE LOOSE, TIE THAT NOOSE
NO REASON LIVING ANYMORE
YOU GET WHAT YOU ASKED FOR
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THESE CLAWS WERE PAWS SO TAME AND LONELY
FOUND MY FUTURE, NOW I'M FULLY
WHOLE, ONCE AND FOR ALL, PUPILS STARE INTO YOUR SOUL
REEKING HAVOC, SHRIEKING PANIC
YOU WILL DIE JUST THE SAME
COME HERE MY PREY, ON THE HUNT
LET US BE WHOLE AGAIN
I AM GOD, ETERNALLY
SCHREECHING UPON THIS BURNING LANDSCAPE
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FORGOTTEN MEMORIES, CALLING YOUR NAME
FORGET THE PAST, THIS IS NOW
NO MORE PEACE, NO MORE FUN
JUST TORMENT FOR EVERYONE
END OF ALL, THEY TOOK THEIR FALL
TWISTED MINDS, DESTROY MOBAINKIND
DARKENED QUILLS WILL SEAL THE DEAL
SEIZE MY EVIL PRESENCE
HAHAHA, FEEL THE TERROR RISING
JUST A SILLY GAME WITH A LOT OF HARM
RUN, RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN
RELINQUISH CONTROL, THERE IS NO RUNNING
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GETTING CLOSER
YOU WON'T EVER
GET AWAY
CAN'T ESCAPE
FEED THE DARK
BITE, NO BARK
UNDER THE BLACK SUN
Sure I could be completely wrong and it is completely understandable. But I'm like 85% sure I'm right and I will make A very unhinged essay if you don't get this Immediately. (I have no idea what this Fire's coming from and it won't go away. ) If you disagree and don't want the essay. it's fine, just tell me. I'll put that energy somewhere else. Thanks for your time. :)
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basic-otaku · 3 years ago
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My thoughts on Xue Yang's character (based on the drama and novel)
Xue Yang is a character I didn’t fully understand until I finished The Untamed. I looked back on him with a bit of pity but little understanding. It wasn’t until I listened to his character song that I truly began to dissect his character. Reading those lyrics completely flipped my perspective on him, and I went back to watch the Yi City arc again. I was shocked by how much I had missed. Xue Yang has since become one of my favorite characters of the series. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him and his motives that I finally decided to write down my thoughts. This analysis comes mostly from what I perceived, so it may differ from other people’s opinions. You are free to disagree with me.
Let’s start with what we know: Xue Yang was a street kid with a hard childhood. We know he was abandoned at a young age, but we don’t know how young. However, he must have been old enough to survive, so he couldn’t have been younger than four when he started fending for himself. We don’t know who his parents are because he doesn’t remember them, nor does he remember anyone else who had potentially taken care of him. His parents could be dead for all we know, or they could have dumped him somewhere when they no longer wanted to take care of him. It’s all up to speculation. He also has a very high pain tolerance, probably due to constant beatings as a child.
When you’re all alone in the world, you have to learn to put yourself first. There’s no one to care for you, so only you can care for yourself. I believe that Xue Yang wasn’t always a bad person because no one is inherently evil. However, because he was alone, there was no one to nurture him and teach him right from wrong. When all you experience is violence and hatred, that becomes your response to similar situations; you don’t expect kindness or want to give it in return.
One of Xue Yang’s flaws as a child was his naivety — he was much too quick to trust. That’s how he got himself into such a bad situation. He was eager to have something he was never able to have (candy), so he immediately trusted that shopkeeper when he said he could have some as a reward for running an errand. What he got in return wasn’t candy, but a brutal beating and a severed pinky. If Xue Yang had still had any faith left in humanity, this is the point where it would have left him. The remaining childhood innocence in him was gone. This brings me to an interesting piece of dialogue. In Yi City, when Xue Yang confronts Song Lan and tells him what he’s been up to, Song Lan curses at him, calling him an animal. Xue Yang laughs at him and says, “I quit using those words when I was seven.” And what happened to Xue Yang’s finger? “One finger was ground into battered flesh on the spot. The child was seven.” Even Xue Yang himself knows that moment was when everything changed, and he still carries the resentment with him now.
Back to the cart incident. This event scarred him for life and was the primary reason he became a sociopath. Now he’s bent on revenge. He was powerless as a child; just another street rat who shouldn’t be treated like a human being nor spared any pity. So, when he realizes he can do the same to those that hurt him, he takes it much further. When he was old enough and strong enough, he exacts his revenge. He wanted to make the Chang Clan feel his pain — not only for the finger he had lost but for his whole miserable life up to that point. If no one deigned to understand him, then he’d make them understand in the only way he knew how. With violence.
Xue Yang was only fifteen or sixteen when he slaughtered the Chang Clan, killing more than fifty people. This is where he meets Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. From the first moment, Xue Yang hates Xiao Xingchen. He’s so righteous, so full of light. He thinks he makes the world better just by doing a little good. What a hypocrite. Where was he when he was needed? Where was he when Xue Yang was a seven-year-old boy left crying in the streets after having his finger ground to a pulp? No, nobody can be that good.
When Xue Yang is captured by Wei Wuxian and the others, Xiao Xingchen takes him back to Qinghe to be apprehended, and Xue Yang vows to get his revenge on Xiao Xingchen for it. It isn’t long after he escapes from Qinghe that Xue Yang slaughters Baixue Temple, blinding Song Lan in the process. According to Xue Yang’s logic, hurting Xiao Xingchen’s friend is just as bad as hurting Xiao Xingchen himself. This is what causes the rift between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. Without this incident, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen may never have met again.
A few years have likely passed while Xue Yang was working for Jin Guangyao. He is probably closer to eighteen or nineteen when Jin Guangyao injures him and throws him out, which is how Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing find him. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t hesitate in bringing Xue Yang back to Yi City with him and A-Qing and caring for his wounds. Xue Yang wakes up pained and disoriented, but he immediately tries to back away when he realizes who is tending to him. He doesn’t know Xiao Xingchen is unaware of his identity, and probably thinks that Xiao Xingchen is getting ready to take him to face justice or something. But Xiao Xingchen insists that he doesn’t need to know who Xue Yang is and that he’s only doing what’s right. Xue Yang is clearly shocked by this admission. He truly cannot comprehend kindness, and this is the first time he’s ever experienced it.
This is also the first time we get to see his genuine smile. It’s shocked and incredulous, like he can’t believe this is happening, but it’s there. Throughout the series, Xue Yang’s snarky words and sly smirk are a token of his character, but now we know they are just a mask he uses to hide the small, broken child inside of him. If no one can see the hurt he hides, then no one can hurt him further. But with just one kind gesture, Xiao Xingchen was able to bring out the young boy who just wanted love and comfort.
This kindness is such a foreign concept to Xue Yang that he doesn’t think it’s genuine for a long time. But as the years pass, Xue Yang comes to realize that Xiao Xingchen isn’t a threat. This is something he scoffs at. Xiao Xingchen is ridiculously naïve; so stupid. If he knew who he was living with, who he was eating with, he wouldn’t act like this. He would treat Xue Yang the same way everyone else had. So, Xue Yang decides to trick Xiao Xingchen into murdering innocent people for revenge. Xue Yang can’t wait for Xiao Xingchen to find out what Xue Yang has made him do because it’ll break him. What this revenge is for is up to interpretation. Maybe he’s still angry about being captured and sent to Qinghe. Maybe he’s angry at the world for treating him so badly. Maybe Xue Yang wants to show Xiao Xingchen that his worldview is stupid and that there are no good or pure people in the world. I choose to believe that it’s the last one.
At least, this is his motivation at first — he slowly loses the will to harm Xiao Xingchen. This brings me to another interesting point. In episode three, Xue Yang says he doesn’t fear death, he fears boredom. But isn’t this domestic life he’s living with Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing considered boring by his standards? I think the boredom he speaks of is really the fear of being alone and having nothing at all. Now he’s happy, however reluctantly he’s willing to admit it. He wouldn’t have put up with A-Qing’s petulant behavior if he didn’t enjoy the time they spent together. Although they didn’t get along at first, Xue Yang protects A-Qing and takes care of her like an annoying older brother. He teases her, sure, but he also cuts her apple slices in the shape of rabbits and gives her advice on how to scare away the people who bully her (even though killing them isn’t great advice). Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing were the family he never had. Now he would do anything to preserve the life he is living.
After about a year, Xue Yang’s plan stopped being about revenge. I’m not completely sure how he justified this change of heart, but I like to think he told himself he was still biding his time and that he’d get back to it eventually (even if he had stopped thinking about hurting Xiao Xingchen). Based on what A-Qing told Song Lan when he arrived at Yi City, Xue Yang hadn’t taken Xiao Xingchen out on one of those night hunts in a long time. And most of the people that Xue Yang made Xiao Xingchen kill were the merchants that made fun of his blindness and cheated him with bad vegetables and high prices. It was a messed-up way to get revenge for Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang hates being looked down on, so shouldn’t Xiao Xingchen feel the same way?
Nevertheless, the time they spent in Yi City was probably the only time Xue Yang had been happy in his entire life. Xiao Xingchen was so in tune with what Xue Yang needed that Xue Yang came to care for him deeply. Whether those feelings were romantic or platonic in nature is up to the viewer, but I believe Xue Yang had fallen in love with Xiao Xingchen in the only sick and twisted way he could. Xiao Xingchen understood him more than anyone ever had, going so far as to listen to his idle ramblings and bring him a piece of candy every day after hearing that he had loved sweets as a child but could never have any. He managed to tame the savage beast in Xue Yang’s heart with only his presence and basic human decency. Xue Yang’s bloodlust was satiated as long as he had Xiao Xingchen to take care of him. At this point, I don’t think he would ever actually kill Xiao Xingchen. He had stopped wanting to hurt him a long time ago. A-Qing? Sure. She’s expendable, but Xiao Xingchen is irreplaceable. Even if Xue Yang reluctantly came to care about her, it wasn’t the same kind of bond. She had never shown him the same kindness that Xiao Xingchen had. He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her if she betrayed him, but she was important to Xiao Xingchen, which meant he couldn’t do her any harm if he didn’t want to disrupt their happy life.
If Song Lan hadn’t found them, how long would Xue Yang have stayed? I don’t even think he knew. He just knew that he didn’t want to leave anymore. Xiao Xingchen gave him too much for him to want that. The viewer can easily see the happiness in his eyes when he looks at Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang acts like a kid around him — playing games, joking around, making him laugh with childish remarks. Even in the quiet moments, he’s happy. This was especially noticeable in the campfire scene. It wasn’t shown in the original drama, but in the special edition, Xue Yang smiled at Xiao Xingchen from across the fire, and the look in his eyes as he gazed at his daozhang was so tender that it honestly caught me off guard. It seemed to catch Xue Yang off guard too because he caught himself, and the smile slowly fell. It’s like he realized what he’s doing and remembered that this should be about revenge.
Where in the past, Xue Yang hated Xiao Xingchen for his righteousness, he now loves him for his naivety. Without it, Xue Yang knows that Xiao Xingchen would be disgusted with himself. There would be no more laughs, no more games, and no more smiles. Then Xue Yang would lose the one person who didn’t treat him like dirt. So, when Song Lan finds them, Xue Yang immediately perceives it as a threat to their domestic life. He knows how important Song Lan is to Xiao Xingchen, and there’s no doubt in his mind that Xiao Xingchen won’t hesitate to leave with Song Lan when he discovers Xue Yang’s identity.
Furthermore, Xue Yang resents Song Lan for taking Xiao Xingchen’s eyes (even though it was voluntary on Xiao Xingchen’s part and was essentially Xue Yang’s fault). His logic tells him that having Xiao Xingchen kill Song Lan would be the perfect way for Xiao Xingchen to get his revenge. What Xue Yang doesn’t understand is that not everyone thinks about things in the context of revenge. I don’t believe Xiao Xingchen ever truly regretted giving up his sight. But Xue Yang can’t comprehend how someone could be that selfless.
This is where it all falls apart. A-Qing sees what happened to Song Lan, and she runs to Xiao Xingchen and tells him everything. When Xiao Xingchen comes back to confront him, Xue Yang spills it all. There’s nothing left for him to lose. His mask falls again, and he basically bares his soul to Xiao Xingchen. This is probably the first time he’s told the story about his finger, and I think he genuinely thought Xiao Xingchen was going to understand him; that if he knew what Xue Yang went through, he’d sympathize with him and justify his action (thereby justifying his feelings). Instead of that, however, Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, and it flips a switch inside of Xue Yang. How can Xiao Xingchen call him disgusting when he’s killed people too?
I think one of the reasons Xue Yang led Xiao Xingchen to kill those people was to bring Xiao Xingchen down to his level. Xue Yang doesn’t think that anyone can be as good as Xiao Xingchen claimed to be, so he had to taint his perfect record. Maybe if he killed people, Xiao Xingchen would understand him. Xue Yang thought that when Xiao Xingchen found out, he’d stay with him. Now he’s not the same righteous person he used to be, so how could he be good enough to travel the world with Song Lan? No, he should stay with Xue Yang instead and live a happy life together.
So, when Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, Xue Yang was probably confused and upset, which made him instinctively put his mask back up. Being vulnerable only hurt him again, so he’s back to harsh words and smirks, telling Xiao Xingchen that this is why he’s always hated him and that all of this was fun. Fun in every sense of the word: the killing and the happiness.
Xiao Xingchen finding out that he killed Song Lan was the last straw. Xue Yang is still laughing as Xiao Xingchen slits his own throat. It takes a moment for the realization to set in, but as it does, the smile falls from Xue Yang’s lips, and his hands begin to shake. This is the third time his mask has fallen. His eyes begin to well with tears, but he tries to keep up his act, saying that dead ones are easier to control, but the only one he’s acting for is himself.
The next scene is the one that really solidified Xue Yang’s feelings for me. He cleans the blood from Xiao Xingchen’s skin with the same care that Xiao Xingchen had shown him when he first found Xue Yang in that ditch. Xue Yang clearly thinks that Xiao Xingchen is going to come back and that the ritual will work, that he staves off his tears and sets out food for both of them. He considers eating his candy but then decides he should wait until Xiao Xingchen comes back. If he’s back, then Xue Yang is sure to get another piece.
When he realizes that the ritual isn’t working and Xiao Xingchen isn’t coming back, he breaks down. The tantrum he throws is so full of rage and anguish that it really shows the depth of his feelings for Xiao Xingchen. Again, he goes back to acting, trying to guilt Xiao Xingchen’s dead body into coming back to life by telling him all the terrible things he’ll do to Song Lan and A-Qing if he doesn’t reawaken. Obviously, Xiao Xingchen can’t hear him, and Xue Yang knows this, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He finally dissolves into tears, screaming and crying over Xiao Xingchen’s corpse. This may have been the first time he’s cried since he lost his finger. Crying is for innocent, naïve children, and it doesn’t help anybody. But now Xue Yang has had a taste of pure sweetness and doesn’t want to go back to the bitter life he has known, so he finally lets himself weep for all the things he could have had.
Xue Yang spent the next seven years trying to bring Xiao Xingchen back to life with no success. We don’t know much about his activities after Yi City, but we have gotten information through rumors that Shuanghua was being used to kill innocents. It seems like Xue Yang wanted to keep a part of Xiao Xingchen with him. He even continued his sick revenge plot after Xiao Xingchen’s death by gouging out the eyes of and killing the remains of the Chang Clan, including their leader, Chang Ping, by lingchi. Xue Yang doesn’t blame himself in the slightest; he just thinks that Xiao Xingchen’s death was an unfortunate consequence of the situation. He will put the blame on anyone and everyone other than himself. Thus, instead of performing lingchi on himself like Wei Wuxian suggested, he takes out his anger on the remains of the Chang Clan.
Everything Xue Yang does in the present is tied to Xiao Xingchen, yet he still can’t bring him back. So, when he heard that the Yiling Patriarch had suddenly come back to life, Xue Yang knew it was his last chance. The sword ghost/ghost arm is what led Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji to Yi City. It was pointing to its murderer. I’m sure Xue Yang could have avoided a confrontation if he wanted, but this was intentional. As for the juniors, I have a feeling that Xue Yang was behind the cat corpses that led them to meet up with Wei Wuxian. This is still unclear though because Xue Yang doesn’t have a real reason to get them involved. The only person he needs is Wei Wuxian.
Xue Yang has tried everything at this point. So, when Wei Wuxian finds him in Yi City, pretending to be Xiao Xingchen, he is completely desperate. I do wonder if that is something he has done more than once. Did he often go around dressed as Xiao Xingchen? Was he playing with the life they had in Yi City? Pretending he was still there? Or was it a one-time thing to trick Wei Wuxian into dropping his guard? I also wonder how often he used his own sword because only after Lan Zhan took Shuanghua from him did he pull out Jiangzai. That could be because he was acting as Xiao Xingchen, but we can’t be sure. However, that isn’t the point. Right now, Wei Wuxian was Xue Yang’s only option because the Yiling Patriarch surely knew things he didn’t. Xue Yang had lived with Xiao Xingchen’s corpse for those seven years, keeping him in pristine condition. I’m pretty sure the only way Xue Yang could have done this was by giving him spiritual energy every day, which would be incredibly draining. I don’t think Xue Yang had an exceptionally strong golden core to begin with either. He is primarily a demonic cultivator, which means he doesn’t use his golden core often. It must have taken most of his strength to keep Xiao Xingchen’s body in such good condition. But anything for daozhang, right? Xue Yang needed Xiao Xingchen’s body to be perfect when he returned. He also put aside his pride and used Song Lan for protection all those years. He kept the one person he continued to hate with a burning passion around him for so long.
When Wei Wuxian tells Xue Yang he can’t bring Xiao Xingchen back to life because his soul is too broken, Xue Yang refuses to believe it. It’s been seven years already; he can’t give up now. Deep down, I believe Xue Yang knows Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t want anything to do with him even if he did come back, but he can’t figure out why. Because nothing was his fault, of course.
Something Wei Wuxian said really struck me as I went back to rewatch episode 39. Before the fight, Wei Wuxian turns to Xue Yang and says, “you disgust him to the core, yet you still want to pull him back to play this stupid game.” Xue Yang responds with “I want nothing of the kind.” And he’s being honest. He doesn’t want a stupid game — he wants something real. He wants a life where Xiao Xingchen knows his identity and stays with him in spite of it. He just wants one person to accept him as he is, but that will never, nor could ever, happen —not with all the crimes he has committed.
When Lan Wangji cut off his arm, leaving Xue Yang bleeding on the ground, I think he knew it was over. There was nothing left for him now. He was never getting Xiao Xingchen back. He never had him in the first place, not in any way that counted. So he laughs, blood spilling from his lips, to cover up the tears he wishes he could cry.
He’s ready when Song Lan stabs him, dying with a smile on his face as he gazes at the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen had ever given him. It’s blackened and inedible, yet Xue Yang held on to it for so long; it was a reminder of his daozhang and of why he was fighting so hard. Like his character song said, he was “too determined to let go.”
It’s kind of sad that even in death, he was never respected by anyone other than Xiao Xingchen, and all of that was built on a lie. He didn’t even get a proper burial, although I suppose he kind of deserved it. Xue Yang is the character I pity the most in this series. He isn’t a good person, nowhere near it, and he deserved the end he got, but I wish things could have been different. What hurts is that it just as easily could have been Wei Wuxian. If Xue Yang had been taken in as a child; if he’d had his own Jiang Fengmian, his own Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, he could have been happier. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have met Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan and started a sect with them. Realistically, he and Xiao Xingchen would never be lovers because Xiao Xingchen was so strongly connected to Song Lan, but I think they could have been friends.
However, one question I still have is did Xue Yang fall in love with Xiao Xingchen because of how he treated him or because of the person Xiao Xingchen really was? If they had met under different circumstances (and if Xue Yang had had a support system when he was young), would Xue Yang have still fallen in love with him? I guess that’s up to the viewer to decide.
Ultimately, Xue Yang is still a sociopath who can’t understand empathy or feel remorse, so I don’t think he regretted any of his crimes. However, I do believe that Xue Yang regretted the consequences of his actions in Yi City. He didn’t want Xiao Xingchen to die, but his actions were what caused his death. It’s more of a dissatisfaction with where things ended up than feeling guilty for his death. Although I don’t think Xue Yang felt remorseful, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t grieving, nor does it mean his feelings for Xiao Xingchen weren’t as genuine as they could have been.
I don’t know where Xue Yang or Xiao Xingchen will end up now, but I hope they’ll both be happy in their next lives. The same goes for A-Qing and Song Lan (when he finally meets his true end). There are so many things that contributed to Xue Yang’s unstable mind, but I think the moral of the story is that it pays to be kind. If just one person had taken pity on him as a child — had shown him that there was good in the world — I wonder what kind of person he would have become.
I already know how cruel fate is
Not looking, not asking, not grieving, not hating
Waiting to relive my life just for a single person
Ups and downs in life
I would leave no regrets
I tried searching in the darkness of night
When I am trapped in the past
I still hope that a flicker of light will appear in my heart
The legend of this lonely city
Who came here before?
And gifted to me my karma
I am waiting for this karma to liberate spirits, liberate souls, and liberate me
Even though I am already too determined to let go
If I get rid of these inner demons
Would you forgive me?
Gaining freedom from destiny, starting all over again
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lovesanmotion · 4 years ago
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yandere!ateez as fanboys
Hongjoong: 
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The moment he hears one song from your latest album, it immediately swept him off his feet from the ground and made the decision to stan you. You are his favorite soloist. The moment he hears your latest comeback album, he immediately listened to all your other songs and made his research about you that night. Of course, the caffeine boosting him. 
He made a lot of social media accounts just to follow you. Twitter, Instagram, Youtube, you name it. He would follow your every move and post. But is still didn’t feel the same. To Hongjoong, he felt like he was still missing a large chunk of your life and he didn’t want that. The next night, he pulled a couple of strings and ta dah! had access to your very personal information. And he felt so complete afterwards. 
To you, Hongjoong was just one of your few male fans that you adore. I mean, the guy makes covers of your songs. And part of you agreed that when he made his own remix of your songs, it would sound 10000% better than the original. However, you just didn’t noticed the subliminal messages and tones he inserted in his remixes. 
Seonghwa: 
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Seonghwa was one of those rare male fansites you have. Being in a 7 member girl group called Starlight, you are the group’s visual, main dancer, lead vocalist, center and face of the group. Once your group made its debut, fame automatically found you. 
Endorsements here and there, landing yourself in various commercial films and even coming to be a guest of variety shows. Your popularity instantly swept off and in a blink of an eye, the whole of South Korea knew your name. And your name tasted delicious in HwaLight_Y/N. Seonghwa’s fansite name dedicated to you. He thought of a name that would connect him to you. Hwa meaning star, replacing the english word and thus the birth of the fansite name. 
With his good looks, he too became known amongst the fans. He was known as your handsome fansite master. And since he was one of the rare male fansites you have, you would immediately recognize him from afar. Smiling at his camera and waving at him. Much to Seonghwa’s delight, he felt like there was already a deep connection between you two. And he wanted more of that. 
He started coming to your unofficial group activities. Slippiing his way inside the venue just to be able to feel your presence a few feet from him. He started purchasing flight and hotel information from other “fans” and would purchase the seat closest to you or the room nearest yours. 
Didn’t noticed those red beaming lights hidden inside your hotel room when you’re changing clothes or taking a shower? Click click! Or you were dead asleep tired from rehearsals when someone barged into your room? Click click! Ever noticed how your favorite red lace underwear went missing only to come back with a stain? Click click! 
Yunho: 
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At first, he wasn’t entirely dazzled by you. Yunho was just a regular idol manager who would follow you into your every activities and schedules. He needed the money, plus, companies like him for his tall and muscular physique. The kind of person that can ward off creepy or scary fans that tried to get close to you.
You, on the other hand, is an ex member of your former girl group but found fame as a solo artist. Your debut song swept the charts and immediately won every single music show chart. Topping music chart billboards in every country. Despite all the glitz and glamor that followed you, you felt lonely and desperate for human touch. 
It wasn’t supposed to be how Yunho, naked and in between your legs. How such alcohol can make you two do things that violates his contract with you. One night was all it takes for him to see a completely different side of you. And he wanted more of that. 
Yunho became more protective towards you. Becoming more aggressive to anyone who dares lay a hand on you. Even going as far as sleeping in one bed with you as he thinks “its completely necessary, who know, someone might be barging into your room in the middle of the night?”  You can never get away from him. Companies like him, remember? With his clean records, your company would do anything to keep him signed with you. 
Yeosang: 
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Channel YNbyYS is a youtube channel run by Yeosang. It’s the platform wherein he posts his dance covers to your group’s songs. With a bit of his dancing elements and the original choreography of your group, the blend came out much nicer than what everyone expected. His heart leaped more at the idea of you endorsing a chicken brand. From that day forward, he became a regular of the certain chicken brand nearest to him. 
Yeosang may seem like a complete innocent and harmless fanboy. But do you ever what he is behind his dance covering youtube channel? Why, he is the second most influential person in your company. The son of your own CEO. He had his very own place within the company. And he uses it to the extent of getting closer to you. 
The gifts that came into your company? Those are ALL Yeosang’s gifts for you. From the dresses to the shoes. He shamelessly threw away other gifts’ that were for you because according to him “he is the only relevant and special person that can offer you gifts”. Anything else is directly to the bin. 
And you wonder how your “fans” know your taste in fashion. 
Mingi: 
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Mingi, before being blacklisted by your company, was just a regular fanboy of your group. You were the group’s main rapper and the lyrics to your bars spoke volumes to him. He was just casually listening to your verses and mixtapes until one day, he realized that he wanted to be more than just your fanboy.
It started slowly when he would attend your group’s fansigns and even follow you towards the airport. But the bodyguards prevented him from coming anymore closer to you. And so he did the unthinkable. Knocking down a bodyguard that was shielding you and enveloping you in his arms. His heartbeat raced and he felt a second heartbeat between his pants. With you in his arms, he only realized how petite yet handful you are. Hands running all over your body, burying his nose in your hair inhaling that soft and sweet strawberry shampoo that you use. 
Despite being blacklisted, he never cared about going public and meeting you at your group or individual activities. Instead, he resorted to barging into your dorm. Whether you’re home or not. 
 San: 
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You are your group’s maknae and visual. Dubbed as Korea’s IT Girl, your face can be found anywhere in Seoul. From commercial films to leading Korean dramas, releasing your own solo album and attending fashion weeks, you are always the talk of the town. Whenever your name comes up, its always met with praises. Of course, the people loves you! You are a crowd and fan favorite. 
And you had managed to capture the eyes and heart of San. Calling himself as your number 1 fan. He was never absent in any of your activities. Getting front row seats in your concerts, being present at your variety shows and even buying products that you endorse - soju, cosmetics, literally anything. 
To your fans, he is the biggest fanboy you ever had. And it was quite entertaining to watch him profess his love to you. You even chuckled a few of his pick up lines that he threw at you during your fansigns. When asked if you had anything memorable that a fan ever did to you, the answer would always be San. 
Behind closed doors, San kept a dirty secret. Remember how he always gets front row seats to your concerts? He hid a camera in his clothes to film your upskirt. Beating his meat every night to his own collection of your tight and revealing clothing. Remember how you would endorse anything? He’d buy it and imagine how ripping it off your body feels like. His greatest possession? Your black lingerie. Too bad, you’re never getting it back. 
Wooyoung: 
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ForYN is a website account run by Wooyoung. He regularly updates his content - from posting your pictures that are uploaded today, to your daily activities, the products you use and a little sub website from his channel wherein he writes poems and graphical fanfiction of himself with you. But of course no one would ever read between the lines. The way how Wooyoung would write would be so poetical and endearing that it? doesn’t? have? any? hidden? meaning? 
He only came once to your fansign and gave you a pink teddybear. It wasn’t the best gift you owned but you liked it somehow. There was something about the teddybear that you didn’t know why you’re into it. Its just a plain gift but everytime you look at it, its as if you’re drawn to it. 
Maybe becuase you didn’t noticed how it has camera eyes? 
Wooyoung’s love for you deepened when he caught you humping on the pink teddybear. Cum splattering all over its face. It was just one gift, but it was everything to you. 
And Wooyoung’s working on the next entry for his fanfiction. 
Jongho: 
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For today, you were having your own vlive. Doing what you called a YN mukbang. As the convenient food store you bought was placed on the table, you began to greet yours fans, asking them how they are feeling before digging in your food. Among the hundreds and thousands of viewers, Jongho was one of them. 
He was engrossed in two things: one, how adorable and beautiful you look despite just eating. Second, the rude comments that were popping up in your live video. Rude remarks of body shaming were what caught his attention. He took his time digging deeper into someone else’s username and IP address. Once he got a hold of their information, he would report those comments and head out. In his disguise while hunting the people who made disguisting remarks at you. No one should ever make such remarks to a goddess. 
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jj-babebank · 3 years ago
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Camp Willowdale / JJ Maybank AU / PART 5
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Synopsis: Camp Willowdale is buzzing with new campers. It’s Caroline Windsor’s first year as a camp counsellor after attending the camp as a camper for ten years. Little does she know that this year Willowdale Lake is going to be a little different from what she is used to it being… Warnings: future chapters may include curse words, mentions of drugs, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sexual activities, mentions of death. Pairings: JJ Maybank x fem OC Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4 Masterlist
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Part 5 -
53 days of camp left
The first day at Camp Willowdale was usually pretty straightforward – campers arrive, sign in, move into their designated cabins where they meet their counselors, then all gather in the Wildcat Lodge to get their schedules, maps, badges and compasses. Ever since Pricilla’s daughter left her, she ditched the idea of having a stable with horses at camp (saying it reminded her way too much of Wendy, and also cost a lot of money to maintain), and settled for scavenger hunts in full scout mode in the forest, hence the compasses and badges. Every camper was given a first badge for participation and would get the chance to earn new badges to add to their collection during their nine week stay. Pricilla made sure that there was a badge for literally everything – from successfully starting a fire to throwing out the trash. She liked to do this to make all the campers feel included and special, which on its own sounded like a wonderful thing, however her actual motives were selfish – happy kids meant happy parents, and happy parents meant money. She also liked to turn everything into a competition, so she established a scoring system that nobody but her understood, where she’d award or deduct points from different groups and the group with the most points at the end of the summer will be crowned conquerors of the camp at a made up end-of-summer event Pricilla named the “Camp Will-all-hail banquet”. Caroline always found the name to be extremely tacky, but much like mostly everything that Pricilla put her finger onto, it wasn’t surprising.
JJ and Caroline had gotten assigned to Teens 2. Unsurprisingly, everyone in their group was almost their age, which seemed like somewhat of a recipe for disaster, as Caroline feared that this could result in the teens refusing to follow orders from someone who is basically their age. She was pleasantly surprised to find out that their group of teens was actually quite well-mannered and well-behaved. John B and Sarah’s teens, however, were a whole different story.
“You sure you got T2 and not T1?” panted Sarah after finally sitting down at the counselors table beside Caroline for dinner.
Caroline smirked, “Positive,” she confirmed, not being able to hide her amusement at the sight of an already tired Sarah, “Why’d you ask?”
“Oh, no reason,” said Sarah sarcastically, “Well, besides all the girls, and I’m pretty sure one of the boys, having a massive thing for John B, and them all quite literally being the spawns of Satan, hm… no reason,”
Caroline laughed at Sarah’s words, looking over at the table where her group and Sarah’s were seated at. Two of the T1 girls were giggling while telling a story, while everyone else’s attention was on them. Caroline came to the conclusion that they would be the It Girls at this year’s camp, bossing everyone around. She couldn’t help but laugh at the irony that it was Sarah who got these two as they were literally mini versions of her.
“Heard my name being called,” John B slid onto the bench across the table from the girls. Now that everyone had been sorted, the Wildcat Lodge seating area had been rearranged so that the groups would be sat together according to their ages, and the counselors would be sat together according to their groups. The head staff had their own table at the very foot of the podium, right next to where the food was, conveniently.
JJ was quick to join their group at their respective table, “What’d I miss?”
“Oh, nothing,” Caroline said nonchalantly, “Just Sarah being jealous over her girls liking John B, no biggie,” Sarah kicked her under the table, earning an, “Ow!”
John B’s eyes immediately shot up, that familiar twinkle of excitement swimming through his honey orbs, “Jealous?”
“As if,” barked Sarah, squinting her eyes at him threateningly.
“We’ll see about that, baby cakes,” John B winked, diving into his dinner.
“So,” said JJ, lowering his voice in case any of the neighboring tables were listening, “What’s the plan, guys?”
Caroline shook her head, “I don’t even know where we could start, I mean, the only clue we’ve got so far is that message we had to scrub off the rock this morning before the campers arrived…”
John B thought for a second, “Hey, wasn’t Topper paired up with her?” he said suddenly.
Caroline’s eyes widened in realization, “John B, you’re a genius!” she said, earning a proud smile from the boy, “Last night at the counting, Topper said something about feeling guilty for not offering her his jacket!” the four of them turned to look towards Topper’s table. He was sitting quietly, barely poking at his food, while the rest of his fellow counselors were having an animated conversation around him. Caroline turned back towards her friends, “Chances are he was the one who saw her last!”
“Yeah, and judging by the look of his face, he doesn’t seem too excited about it,” remarked JJ.
“Can you blame him? I’d be pissed if I was paired with Madison, too,” muttered Sarah, scrunching her nose at the leafy salad in her plate.
“Tonight at the bonfire,” said Caroline, “Sarah’s going to offer him some help with his girls, seeing as he’s dealing with all of his kids alone,”
“Hey, why me?” Sarah frowned at the plan.
“Because you’re the one who had a massive crush on him back in the day,” Caroline whispered in Sarah’s ear, resulting in Sarah kicking her under the table again. Caroline bit back a groan as she smiled forcefully, looking at the two boys in front of her, “Okay, well, sounds like we’ve got a plan.”
-------------------------------------------------
After handing out the songbooks and marshmallows to all of their teens, Caroline, JJ, Sarah and John B took a seat at their designated log next to their groups, which had somehow bonded during dinner and were all laughing together.
“Alright, settle down kids!” Pricilla said, causing everyone’s chatter to die down, “As you have already been informed, it is a Willowdale tradition to perform our very own rendition of Bomfiara every morning and night until the end of camp. The songbooks you’ve been kindly given by your counselors contain the lyrics to all of the camp songs we’re going to be singing this summer, but I’m sure that by the end of it you won’t be needing the books anymore,” Pricilla fake-laughed at her own joke while everyone just started at her blankly, “Okay, well, let’s sing!” she gave the tone and everyone started signing.
“This is so lame,” said one of the girls Caroline proclaimed as “It Girls” earlier that evening, “We’re too old for this BS,”
“You got that right,” mumbled Sarah.
“Oh, come on, I love it, it used to be our favorite tradition!” whined John B.
The two girls squealed and started pinching each other, immediately opening their songbooks and joining in on the singing, making intense eye contact with John B with their best seductive looks. Sarah rolled her eyes at the scene.
“See?” she whispered to Caroline, “This is what I meant!”
Caroline smirked at the blonde girl, “Am I sensing… jealousy?”
Sarah scoffed at the remark, “Pf, yeah right,” she said defensively, “I’m just annoyed that they’re only listening to what he’s saying and we’re supposed to be counselors together.”
Caroline nodded slowly, pretending to be buying the story, “Yeah, sure,” she turned to look at Topper, who regardless of the fact that he was surrounded by his group and fellow counselors, still seemed down, the camp fire illuminating his distant face, “Speaking of together, when do you wanna go talk to Topper?”
Sarah followed Caroline’s gaze towards the boy, “Once this stupid song is over,”
Caroline nodded and both girls turned towards their group again, where the It Girls were still making sexy eyes at John B, who seemed totally clueless to their approach as he was belting the lyrics of the much familiar song out loud, waving JJ’s hands every so often.
Once the song was over and everyone got back to their regular chitchat, Sarah stood up and straightened her shorts and camp sweatshirt as she made her way towards Topper.
“Hey, Top, this seat taken?” she said, referring to the empty spot on the log next to him where Madison was supposed to be sat.
Topper looked at Sarah as if she’d just said a distasteful joke, “Hey, Sarah…” he muttered, “Obviously not,”
“Awesome!” Sarah smiled widely, plopping down next to the boy.
“So,” Topper started awkwardly, “What brings you here?”
“Saw you from across the pit,” she explained directly, “Couldn’t help but notice that you seem lonely,”
“Yeah, well,” Topper looked at her with a look of disapproval once again, “I sort of am,”
Sarah pretended to only just realize what he was talking about, “Riiight… So, about that,” she chirped again, “Last night you said something about a jacket?”
Topper sighed, “Yeah, Madison said she was cold when we were in our cabin and instead of offering her my jacket, I sort of felt… relieved that she was going to leave me for a second to go grab hers. I should’ve known that something was wrong when she was gone for over 10 minutes, instead I just laughed around with Kelce and the boys and then we heard the scream…”
Sarah rolled her eyes, “Oh, please, you’re not blaming yourself for it, are you?”
“I mean, I kinda am,” Topper confessed, “If I wasn’t too caught up in being annoyed that I’d been paired up with her, I’d have just given her my jacket or followed her to your cabin to get hers and none of this would’ve happened,”
Sarah tried putting on her best apologetic smile as she reached for Topper’s hand, taking him by surprise, “Look, Top, I hate Madison just as much as the next person, but I hardly think any of this was your fault. She probably just used the jacket as an excuse to ditch and got excited to see her rookie boyfriend, hence the scream,”
Topper frowned, “Don’t tell me you actually believe all that?”
Sarah shrugged, “I mean, she was a drama queen,”
Topper pulled his hands away from Sarah’s, shaking his head, “Just go, Sarah,”
Sarah looked over towards her friends across the fire pit who were all staring at her in anticipation, as she shrugged her shoulders and mouthed them a, “Sorry, I tried,” making her way back to where they were seated.
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A/N: Camp has finally officially begun and so has the search for truth ~~ As always, let me know what you think, I hope you are enjoying the story so far, I'm super excited to be writing this xxx
tags: @k-k0129 ; @hayleyy-l ; @marvellover04
Part 6 here
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impala1967dwinchester · 4 years ago
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Dean Winchester: Brandy
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*Credit to the gif owner*
Pairing: Dean W. x Fem!Reader
Pov: Deans
Warnings: Drinking, drunk texting, bad dancing, having to rescue Dean, Friends to loversish, Believing in destiny kinda.
Summary: Dean spends the whole night at the bar, tryin' every bottled drink. Ends up drunk texting Y/n and being completely honest with her
Word Count: 2.1k
A/N: (Based on the song Wine, Beers, Whiskey by Little Big Town)
Dean Winchester Master List
Main Master List
I sat at the bar of the old bar. It reminded me of Harvelle's. The old smell, the plaid-up men and women that I noticed came walking in through that door.
It was amazing. I was a drinker, always had been. The first drink I had with my dad, I was fifteen. A beer we shared, that should be an amazing moment for father and son, but it was ruined for the simple fact that we had no home, and my father and instructed me to take care of my younger brother.
I grew up, mostly without my father after that. He prioritizes hunting and saving people over me, and over his youngest son. Everything was always secrets. So many secrets, that it's started to become how Sam and I live.
There were certain things that I had learned from my father. How to protect, how to be anger almost all of the time, and how to handle my liquor.
So I sat at the bar, my hand around an iced cold glass of beer. I sipped and watched people. I wasn't in the mood to hook up with any. I mean yeah sure there was probably someone out there that was meant for me, but that's getting into destiny shit.
You know how bars, almost always have music playing. Well being in the good old state of Kansas, so pretty much any place you walk into is playing music more specifically country music.
It started to come through the speakers. I had already been here for what seemed like hours, I had enough beers, that I had switched to drinking something harder.
Something like a whiskey.
"My friend named Jack"
"He's got my back"
"He always seems to know right where I'm at"
Well, this is definitely a song I could get used to listening to. I don't think anybody else was listening. All having their own private conversations. The barmaid was a beautiful young lady, but even still with her crop top of a shirt and the cleavage that was burst out of her shirt.
I wasn't interested in her. Every time she'd come over. "You need anything else sweetheart." Bending halfway down to try and have me look down.
I waved her off. Maybe I should try something else. Waving her back over, I asked "Do you have something stronger?" she looked at me sideways, before saying "If it's something stronger than you want I've got you" and then she walked away.
When she returned with the rest of the bottle of Jose. A half left standing in the clear bottle. "Here's something stronger, forty percent." She said taking my empty beer bottle and empty cup that had been holding the recently downed Jack Daniels.
"My friend Jose"
"He likes to play"
"He's always up for anything I say"
I downed the rest of the bottle, not even needing the new glass she had bought for me to use. Slamming the bottle down on the countertop. She snapped her head around, our eye making contact before she grabbed something off the shelf.
"If that's the type of night you're having you should have said." She said handing me a half empty glass of crown apple. "Thanks, I can handle my liquor so no need to worry about me," I said as she left to take care of other people sitting at the bar.
I sat alone. Like I always have, it was the best way to number one people watch, but it also gave me a reason to think. Nobody trying to pull my belt out of my jean loops. No need to save someone this was my safe haven sometimes.
Alcohol was my safe haven. It's always been that way. It's always been able to understand me ten times more than Sammy. Well I mean there was always Y/n, she lived with us, but she was my friend, my best friends. There is something that she just doesn't need to know.
I took a swig, drinking down most of the bottle.
"Little bit of red, lotta bit of crown"
"Don't matter what it is"
"I'm gonna drink it down, down, down"
Was it just me or was this song getting better by the second. Maybe, It was just me. I looked around me, couples stood dancing to this song, some sat with clasped hands. And the older men sat at the bar, I was an older man sitting at bar watching like a creep.
"The wine, the beer, the whiskey"
"Are the only things that fix me"
"I'm not saying it's a problem"
"I can stop it if I wanna"
"But the wine, the beer, the whiskey"
"They always get me"
Wow, I'm started to get the idea that I can relate to this song. The lyrics are right you know. Liquor is the only thing that can fix me, calms me down and then I sleep it off. It's right the lyrics I can stop if I wanna. But do I really wanna stop?
"Here," The young lady said, handing me a made drink "Here's a gin and tonic." Walking away yet again to take care of other patrons. A gin and tonic, not a drink I was every ballses enough to try.
Taking the little green umbrella out, I took my first sip. "Shit that's actually really good," I said more to myself than anyone else. I looked up from my gin and tonic drink, looking at the glass wall.
It held so many drinks that I hadn't heard of before. Like a new drink called "Screwball", "Kingfisher". Odd brand names but they all looked like awesome drinks. But of course, there was the regular drinks, the brandy, sherry which is a wine, and Jim Beam
"My friend named Gin"
"She's got some friends"
"I'm talking Brandy, Sherry, and their brother Jim"
"Hey, so it sorta looks like we're going along with the song, so I'll grab you a shot of rum, Captain." She said pulling a tiny shot glass out and pulling the bottle off of the shelf.
She slides the small glass across the table, I caught some rum tipping out and falling over my thumb. 'I wonder what Y/n would do if she was here with me? I wonder if I would have her pushed up against the wall, kissing down her neck.'
Shaking my head; stop thinking of her that she... She doesn't think of you in the same way, you are an idiot. Taking my rum-filled shot quickly. I pulled out my phone.
'Don't do what you're about to do'
"I'll be fine," I said to myself. The room was starting to spin. Or maybe I was just spinning. 'Stop thinking about Y/n. She doesn't need to deal with your drunk ass' "Oh come on I'm not that drunk" I was still sitting at the bar, but people were starting to look at me.
>Y/n, you know I've just gotta say. YOu're beautiful.
Dots played at the bottom of my screen.
>Dean that's very nice.
Minutes pass, so I send another message.
>You know I think I'm falling.
Immediate answers came
>Falling?? What do you mean?
>Winchester? Where are you?
She asked, she only ever called me Winchester when she was pissed off, but I was too worried about telling her the truth.
>Y/n, I've spent the past forever fawning over you. I spent it, wanting, yearning for you. I guess after years of wanting you, years after having nobody in my bed. Wishing and hoping that it was you.
>Dean send me your current loca!
>We can talk more tomorrow
I was able to send her my location, she pulled up in a rather crappy car. Walking in distress, her black night shorts, a pair of slippers on, and my red and black plaid shirt on.
She came over, apologizing grabbing my arm, and wrapping it over her head. "Dean, let's go, now," she said dragging me out. "You smell so good Y/n," I said going to pet her hair. She rested me up against the side of the baby.
"Where are your keys, Dean?" She asked her voice starting to become more worrisome. "In my.." I stopped talking and just reached for her hand, shoving it into my jacket pocket. "Right here!" I said I let go of her wrist and she looked up at me.
She got me into the car, somehow. I rested my head against the back of the front seat. "I felt and heard the rumble of baby engine. "Dean, what were you doing?" I looked over at her. "I wanted a drink."
The rest of the drive was quiet, she helped me out of the car after shutting the loud engine off. The sound finally stops bouncing off the cinderblock walls. "Dean. Couch, bed, or table?" She asked.
"Couch, comfier," I said breathing in more of Y/n's scent. I've never been this close to her, for this long. she smelled like a garden of flowers and honey. she smelt of summer. She looked like summer half the time.
"Are you a god?" I blurted out. Her eyebrows creased, licking her lips. "No, Dean I'm not a god," Y/n said reaching around behind the couch and grabbing a blanket but not before untying my boots.
She tossed the blanket over my body and went to walk off. "Y/n?" I asked. "Yes, Dean." She said with a sigh. "Can you get me a water, so I can maybe explain myself?" I asked.
A pleading look on my face, the puppy dog eyes I had learned from Sam. "Fine Winchester, but you've five to explain yourself." She said stomping off into the kitchen, and back with a tall glass of ice water.
She stood next to me. "Can you sit? Please Y/n?" I begged. I sipped on the water, trying to regain any sort of control of myself. She sat crisscrossing her legs. Her exposed legs, my eyes drifted from her legs.
My eyes came back up to hers. "Start explaining Winchester, you've got four minutes." I shook my head, clasping my hands together. I cleared my throat.
"I've sat here for the past few years, wondering why everything seems weird. It's hard. y'know because that song was right in the bar. I don't want to be alone not anymore, I don't wanna watch the couple dances anymore, I wanna be one of the couples, that hold each other hands."
I said, looking at her. She broke our eye contact when she started to fidget with the bottom of my flannel. "You know that's my flannel?" I asked grabbing her hands.
"I want you, I want you in my bed. I want to drink with my girl. I want to love you because Y/n that's really the truth." I said, "I love you Y/n" We sat in silence for a few, "Y/n please say something?" Now I'm begging her, this entire night has been a fucking mess.
"What are you waiting for you dumb Winchester? Come kiss your girl." It only took a few moments for the words to click in my mind. I grabbed the back of her neck and she fell into my lap.
It wasn't like fireworks or lighting coming down. It just fit so well, it was more like finishing a puzzle, puzzle pieces just fitting together so well. A missing part of me found filled and always there for you.
"Dean? Y/n?" I heard Sam said and properly say "Nevermind." And leave. I felt Y/n's lips leave mine. Realizing that I needed air, my lungs burning but in a good way.
"That was something," I said, catching my breath. "That's was awesome!" Y/n said kissing chastely. "Did you hear Sam?" I asked her, she giggled she rolled her. "I bet he's in there going I just knew it," Y/n said. I laughed and hugged.
"My feet hurt, I think I may have blacked out and started dancing by myself," I said, flexing my socked toes. "You dancing!?" Y/n questioned, "Oh we've gotta go back to that bar and get that tape, for FBI reasons." Y/n said.
My mouth gaping open. She laughed more, and she started to have a few tears. "You know Y/n. I'll you back for that, now come on. You'll love the memory foam bed." I said, Whispering closing to Y/n's ear "It remembers you Y/n." My hand landing on her lower as we walked to my room.
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Completed on: 05/12/2021
Posted on: 05/14/2021
Dean Winchester Tag List: @akshi8278 @deanswaywardgirl @hit-meup69 @fofisstilinski @doctorlilo @wonderfulworldofwinchester
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zoebeeeeeeeee · 3 years ago
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Asleep in His Eyes
This came from the fleeting thought of Jaskier as Sleeping Beauty
i am currently drunk but i wrote this sober lmao
now on AO3
next>>
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  Geralt had found a particularly beautiful spot to set up camp. A small clearing surrounded by bushes of bright flowers of every color with a lone cherry willow in full bloom hanging lazily over a crystal clear stream. The sky was falling into night with beautiful bursts of purple and pink and Jaskier strummed mindlessly at his lute, waiting for Geralt to get back from his hunt.
       His leg was resting across his knee and he bounced his foot in time with his strumming and humming. Eventually, his humming turned into a song.
       “I was following the pack,
       All swallowed in their coats,
       With scarves of red tied ‘round their throats.”
       Jaskier sang, his voice low and coming from his throat. The color the sky was turning reminded him of the song and he felt more relaxed in this moment than he had in quite a long while.
 However, Jaskier was being watched. Over the stream, peeking through a bush, were two gleaming little emerald eyes. A nymph had taken interest in Jaskier from the moment he and Geralt set up camp. She liked the way his clothes shimmered when he walked, the way his gold buttons gleamed in the sun, the way his hair was fluffy, and that he spoke sweetly to his horse. His voice was the final straw for her. Better than any songbird, more beautiful than any siren, a voice like melted gold and rabbit’s fur. She must have him, she thought. And she was about to, standing from her spot in the brush she made her way across the stream and was coming up behind Jaskier when-
       Noise, movement, in the trees, a massive beast whose aura radiated danger was coming towards the nymph and her shimmering man! She couldn’t help him and she apologized to him before, with a puff of leaves, she transformed herself into a bush of hydrangeas.
      The beast who radiated danger was Geralt, back from his hunt, victorious, and with two rabbits.
      “And I turned ‘round and there      he goes!”     Jaskier greeted, continuing his song and changing the lyrics to suit his need.
      “And      Geralt     you would fall,
      And turn the white snow red as strawberries in the summertime!”
      Geralt had a bashful smile on his lips and his cheeks burned red, Jaskier loved to see it. Big, strong, scary witcher blushing because his boyfriend mentioned him in a song. Geralt leaned down and greeted Jaskier with a kiss.
      “I’ve brought rabbits.” He said, still inches away from Jaskier’s face.
      “Your mouth moved but I was too lost in your eyes to hear anything.” Jaskier said. The red that warmed Geralt’s cheeks spread throughout the rest of his face and he immediately got himself out of the situation as fast as he could. Jaskier laughed and put his lute to the side, not noticing the bush behind him shake ever so slightly. Geralt did, and so did his medallion. He stared at the bush just behind Jaskier and tried to remember if it was there before. His thoughts were interpreted, however, by Jaskier leaning in front of his line of sight with a massive, dumb grin on his face.
      They conversed, drank from a bottle of ale, and ate rabbit. They sat next to each other, laughed together, flirted together, kissed, and when they finally felt like it, they fell asleep in each other's arms. All the while the nymph was stuck in place, forced to watch her lover be handled by a brute, and have the audacity to reciprocate. It took all she had to keep herself from shaking with rage and setting off that witcher’s medallion. Now that they were fast asleep she was free to be rid of her disguise and move freely. She crawled forward, tentatively and quietly, hardly moving the grass under her. Furry boiled her blood as she loomed over the sleeping men. So comfortable and content her simmering man was, how softly he breathed, how gently the smile curled the corners of his lips, how      dare he.     She leaned down, her lips ghosting over her shimmering man’s ear. The beast man stirred in his sleep as his stupid little medallion vibrated at her presence, but he did not wake.
      “Hear me.” The nymph whispered into her shimmering man’s ear. “To look with love at those so close, into his head will sleep choose a host, should lips to meet and mean the most, break the hold of life - a ghost. Come to me with hand in heart, past love leaving taste like tart, into my bosom this curse shall part.”
      A breeze picked up a collection of cherry blossom petals and leaves and danced them around the nymph. With a gentle kiss to Jaskier’s temple, the Nymph disappeared in a small flurry of pink.
 ---
       The next morning Geralt was the first to wake up, as usual. Jaskier looked to be deep in sleep, lips parted, hair falling to one side, breathing slow and shallow. Geralt cupped Jaskier’s face in his hand and gently rubbed his thumb under his cheekbone. Jaskier sniffled and whined before unconsciously leaning into the touch. Geralt watched him for a moment before sitting up and resting his arms on his knees. He looked up and appreciated the hazy orange of the morning sky before standing and getting a start on packing camp up.
       He started by emptying his waterskin on the few embers that still burned in the fire. Behind him he heard Jaskier stretch and moan, a small smile crept its way onto Geralt's face at the sound without him realizing it.
       “Morning.” Geralt said turning around to look at Jaskier, but instead of finding his bard angrily shielding his eyes from the sun and pouting, he found Jaskier laying back into, what looked like, another deep sleep. Geralt blinked a few times at Jaskier, a bit confused, but continued what he was doing.
 Gathering up Roach’s tack he called her in from where she was grazing. Behind him, Jaskier stretched and moaned again, Geralt raised an eyebrow at the sound and half looked over his shoulder. More towards Jaskier than actually looking at him.
       “Finally awake?” He asked. Jaskier moaned his response, Geralt huffed a laugh and got to work dressing Roach in her tack.
       “M’head feels all…” Jaskier waved his hands in front of him to indicate what his head was feeling. His head felt entrapped by a thick fog that was just now dispersing. He had been woken from a deep sleep so suddenly it felt like someone had snatched a heady blanket off of him. He closed his eyes hard for a moment before blinking a few times and taking in his surroundings.
       “I had the strangest dream last night.” He said, rubbing his ear. Geralt turned to look at Jaskier and saw him start to fall backward but was fast enough to catch him before he was able to hit his head on the hard ground. Geralt’s medallion vibrated so strongly it bounced off of his chest at Jaskier’s presence. His heart and mind raced, what the hell did this mean? What was happening to Jaskier?
       “Jaskier.” Geralt said, shaking him, but to no response.      “Jaskier.”     He repeated shaking a bit harder with, again, no response. Geralt gripped Jaskier’s jaw and studied his face, looking for any sign of distress and or an answer. There, on his temple, the faintest mark of a kiss, hardly noticeable to even a witcher but still there nonetheless. Whatever left the kiss must be the one doing… this - must be causing this. Geralt looked up to Roach, who was equally confused, and Jaskier stirred awake in his arms.
       “Mmm, fuck.” He mumbled, he rolled his head in movement with his eyes and blinked a few times at the situation he seemed to be in before looking at Geralt. “Hello.” He said with a smile. Geralt had caught on to the spell though and kept his eyes on Roach. Jaskier sat himself up and touched Geralt’s chin with his fingertips. The pressure told Geralt to move his head, the resistance against his fingers told Jaskier he didn’t want to. With a concerned look, Jaskier searched the forest in the direction Geralt was looking.
       “What’s wrong?” He asked, sinking a little closer to his wall of witcher protection. Geralt hummed and sighed, pressing his hand to Jaskier’s back in case he fell again.
       “Something cast a spell on you last night.” Geralt said, fully expecting Jaskier to fall back asleep when he talked but relieved he didn’t.
       “What?” Jaskier said, leaning away and patting down his chest and legs, looking for a mark or bruise or some form of sign that there was indeed a spell on him. “How? When? Who-”
       “I don't know.” Geralt interrupted, standing and going back to packing up the camp, faster now though.
       “I don't feel any different.” Jaskier said, standing and moving towards Geralt. Sure his head was a bit foggy but he had just woken up was all. Before he could get too close Geralt held his hand out behind him to stop Jaskier. Jaskier stopped dead in his tracks, shoulders slumped, and face pouting. Geralt wasn’t looking at him, it was weird and he didn’t like it. Sure Geralt wasn’t the best at eye contact but Jaskier still liked being able to look at his face when they talked, looking into his eyes even if he didn’t always look into Jaskier’s. Now he wasn’t even turning his head in Jaskier’s direction and it was like they were back in their first year together. Back when Jaskier would hold conversations with the back of Geralt’s head and do his best to survive nine months of touch starvation.
       “Geralt please,” He begged, following the back of Geralt’s head as he collected the remaining parts of camp. “What’s going on?”
       “Do you not remember?” Geralt asked as he rolled the bedrolls together, lifting his head and only turning it slightly towards Jaskier’s direction.
       “Well obviously not otherwise I wouldn’t be asking you.” he said, temper rising, not out of anger but out of fear. Geralt stood and held his hand to his face to avoid Jaskier, receiving an angry huff in return and stamping feet following him to Roach.
       “You’ve fallen asleep three times this morning.” Geralt said, attaching the rolls to Roach’s saddle.
       “So? I've done that before Geralt - mornings are      not    my thing - you know that. It doesn’t mean I've got a hex on me!”
       “It’s not like that.”
       “Then what is it like?”
       “Like this.” Geralt turned and faced Jaskier, but nothing happened. Jaskier stood, hands on his hips and a pout on his face unamused by Geralt’s little… whatever this was. Jaskier shrugged and held his hands out, gesturing at the nothing that had happened.
       “Like what?” He asked. Geralt looked Jaskier up and down, He looked fine, sturdy on his feet, awake, not even looking the least bit drowsy. He stepped closer, slowly, hesitantly, holding his arms out ready to catch Jaskier should he fall. Jaskier dropped his arms and rolled his head back in both annoyance and relief that things were fine.
       “Geralt, dear heart,” He said, moving his head back down to look at Geralt. The concern he showed was sweet and Jaskier welcomed him forward when they finally met, wrapping the witcher’s hands around his waist. Jaskier closed his eyes and shook his head, really, a spell cast on him in the middle of the night right under a witcher's nose? Unbeliv-
       Like a light he was out again, dropping like a sack of flour in Geralt’s prepared arms.
       “Like that.” Geralt grumbled. So his theory that Jaskier would sleep if Geralt looked at him was wrong. Geralt looked up at the sky, testing his second theory that when he looked away from Jaskier he would wake back up. Sure enough, Jaskier stirred awake in his arms, head groggy, eyes blurry, very confused.
       “What happened?” He asked, steadying himself on Geralt till he could stand on his own.
       “You fell asleep.” Geralt said, still looking at the sky. Jaskier stopped and thought. He… well he certainly felt like he had just woken up, remembered being awake a moment ago… He looked with concern at the bottom of Geralt’s chin. “What’s happening to me?” He asked. Geralt pulled Jaskier in and rested his chin on Jaskier’s head.
       “I don't know,” He admitted. “But I'm going to find out.”
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when-they-write-stuff · 4 years ago
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SterekWeek2020: Day Five (Lyrics/Quotes)
~
The other night dear, 
as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms 
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken 
So I hung my head and I cried
-
Twelve hours ago, Stiles had seen the night ending much differently.
He was at the loft when the alarm came on. 
The betas had gone out long ago and Stiles had quickly claimed the rest of the night as ‘Derek and Stiles time’ to which the Alpha had immediately made a face. But Stiles was determined, dammit. They never got any alone time anymore, with the betas getting all up in their personal space whenever Stiles wanted some ‘Sourwolf time’.
And Derek always refused to get all soft and squishy if anyone else was around to see.
So Stiles had threatened the betas with bodily harm, Boyd had decided it was best to take the others out for the night, and Stiles had immediately pounced on Derek, who still looked confused. But what was he expected to do, honestly? It had been too long since they’d been left alone in the same room together.
“Tonight,” Stiles had said, already wrapped around the Alpha. “We’re ordering pizza and watching movies together until the sun comes up. Capiche?”
Derek had just rolled his eyes. Stiles grinned.
“Good, I’m glad we’ve got that all figured out. So, I’m thinking we should start with—”
And then the alarm went off.
Looking back now, Stiles supposed they had been a little too relaxed. But it was the summer after the pack’s first year of college and honestly, none of them could be blamed. The threats weren’t coming weekly anymore and sometimes, Stiles got a full night’s sleep without nightmares. He found himself slacking off more and more often, and he knew the others were doing the same.
Which might’ve been the problem.
Because when the loft alarm went off, alerting them of intruders, Stiles wasn’t nearly as ready as he used to have been.
Derek was on his feet first, claws out and eyes flashing red. But then the hunters came in the numbers tripling their own and Stiles didn’t even have the chance to stand before there was a tranq dart embedded in his neck. He half-remembered fumbling at it, half-remembered Derek roaring, and then man was catching him before he fell.
The rest was mostly black. There was another howl that had struck the air, Stiles remembered faintly. One calling for the rest of the pack. But then all Stiles had known was unconsciousness.
Some part of him had been panicked, if only for a moment. Another part had murmured ‘I told you so’ and Stiles knew he never should have sent the pack away.
It was all his fault.
He didn’t even hear Derek collapse beside him.
-
You are my sunshine, 
my only sunshine 
You make me happy when skies are gray 
You'll never know dear, 
how much I love you 
Please don't take my sunshine away
-
Derek had been captured by hunters a fair amount of times in his life. It never ended well on the hunters' side, except this time was different. He realized that the moment he’d woken up.
Because Stiles had never been taken alongside him before.
Years ago, Derek might not have cared. When Stiles was just that thorn in his side, some teenage hyperactive sidekick that he could barely stand. When Derek had kept the kid around only because Scott followed wherever Stiles went. 
Years ago, he might not have cared.
But this time, Derek felt himself start to panic the moment he saw Stiles unconscious on the other side of the cell. Because he cared so much now.
Stiles groaned as he stirred back to life. Derek’s heart skipped a beat.
“Stiles—”
“Der?”
The boy was still in the red sweatshirt he’d been wearing earlier. There were a few tears in it now and a splatter of blood on Stiles’s neck where the dart had been pulled out. But other than that, he looked okay. More than okay, actually.
Derek could have melted into the floor.
He half-realized then, moving forward to gather the boy in his arms, that he was still a little woozy himself. The hunters had hit him with more than one dart and Derek was pretty sure the venom had been enough to knock out an elephant. And, judging by the reeling of his stomach, there had been some sort of wolfsbane mixed in.
Of course, there was. Derek should have known better than to put anything past hunters.
Some part of him felt like this was his fault.
Because it was his job to take care of the pack. Once upon a time, Derek had done everything he could to make sure they were prepared to face any threat. Once upon a time, it hadn’t mattered what the others thought of his preparations. Just as long as they were all fit enough to be able to handle anything that came. Any risk that threatened their lives.
But then he’d gotten lax.
Derek had forgotten how many things existed to hunt him and his pack down.
Pulling Stiles close, Derek didn’t even realize the apologies he was murmuring until the teen pushed at his chest weakly. Stiles groaned, one hand reaching up to rub at the bloodstained mark on his neck, while the other nudged Derek away a little bit.
“Dude, what is—”
“Hunters.”
“No,” Stiles said, groaning again. “No, I know that. But what are you—?”
“I’m sorry.”
Stiles blinked, looking confused. Then he grunted something intelligible and buried his face in Derek’s neck, pulling him even closer. And it was a reaction that always brought Derek’s guard down, no matter how prepared he was for it.
A growl built up at the back of his throat as he pulled Stiles even closer.
Derek could still remember the first time he’d told Stiles about the meaning of certain touches to werewolves. The one along the back of the neck; scenting. The one along the front; threatening. And then that of complete and utter claiming, when Derek could still feel the mating bite on his shoulder and Stiles had stayed nestled against his neck for hours, making sure their scents were mixed enough to be basically inseparable.
Derek found himself relaxing unconsciously into Stiles’s warm breaths against his skin. 
And then their cell door opened.
-
I'll always love you and make you happy 
If you will only say the same 
But if you leave me and love another 
You'll regret it all some day
-
When Scott and Allison had first gotten together, Stiles decided he was never going to be like them.
Not because he didn’t support their relationship or whatever. Of course, he did, Stiles had been the third wheel for long enough to basically be part of the relationship. But they were so soft and gooey, he sometimes felt the need to vomit when they were together.
In the beginning, Stiles had vowed he’d never be like them. He didn’t plan to be Romeo or Juliet. The whole shebang made him queasy.
But then one night, Derek Hale had kissed him.
There was something about nicknames that used to get underneath Stiles’s skin. Well, nicknames, inside jokes, and all those cute little couple things. He thought it might have been because he just was single and annoyed, but then again, maybe some people were just more frustrating than others.
Before Derek came along, Stiles decided he’d never be called babe, or have some stupid joke/song/cutsey moment that made everyone else groan. Because that was just a cliche.
But then Derek Hale came along.
There were these nights they’d faced, when Stiles couldn’t sleep. When every time he closed his eyes, he’d be haunted by the memories. The memories, the monsters, and the horrid things that he couldn’t escape.
Those were nights that Derek would hold him close. Hold him close and whisper soft, comforting things. Gentle reinforcements. Quiet lullabies. Stories that they’d told each other over and over again when the nights got rough.
There were the little things. The little things that made Stiles wonder when he’d become one of those couples.
But this time was different.
He’d been kidnapped plenty of times. In the years before, Stiles used to be prime pack bait. He’d faced witches, warlocks, and monsters aplenty. He’d gotten comfortable in the tiniest of cells because he’d always known that somehow, somehow the rest of the pack was going to find him.
This time was different.
It kind of scared him more than anything.
Stiles didn’t even have a chance to get his bearings before the door to their cell opened up. Flinching back, he felt Derek’s grip tighten, and the light that poured in burned his eyes, making him look away.
The footsteps moved closer and someone grabbed him by the arms, hauling him up. Stiles yelped and tried to jerk loose as Derek let loose a loud, murderous roar.
Then for the second time that— day? Maybe?— there was a needle jabbed into his neck and Stiles groaned. Because the last time he’d felt this drugged up and woozy, he’d been on meds in the hospital after an unfortunate wendigo run-in. And that had been bad enough.
Derek was still snarling, but Stiles found himself going limp in the grip of his captors. As everything went dark, some part of him felt like he was used to this. Used to being the pack bait. The one knocked out and lugged around.
Another part of him was panicking.
Stiles thought if the last thing he did was hold Derek close, maybe this all wouldn’t be so bad.
-
You are my sunshine, 
my only sunshine 
You make me happy when skies are gray 
You'll never know dear, 
how much I love you 
Please don't take my sunshine away
-
When Derek had first kissed him, it was the day after graduation.
Stiles didn’t think he’d ever forget that. Of course, he’d been so startled when Derek had shoved up his window, he’d nailed the man in the face with the reading light he kept next to his bed. But that totally hadn’t been his fault. Three years and counting, and Derek still hadn’t figured out how to use the front door.
The man had gotten over it eventually, though there had been an angry red mark on his forehead for a good fifteen minutes afterward. In fact, it was still there when Stiles had gone off on a rant about werewolves never knocking and Derek had pulled him in close, one kiss promptly shutting Stiles up for an hour.
It was all fine and dandy except Stiles had also accidentally hit him in the face in surprise.
But that’s what they did. Derek was constantly taking Stiles off guard and he sure as hell hoped he was doing the same. It was what they did. 
Sometimes, it was the little things. Like the very first night Derek had been waiting in Stiles’s room after lacrosse practice and he’d nearly had a heart attack at seeing the man. And then there were the other times, like when Stiles had taken a dive into the pool to save an angry-browed werewolf that he’d accidentally dropped there in the first place.
So, Derek kissed him the day after Stiles’s graduation. Then he proceeded to vanish for a week and Stiles had to track the man down, knocking some sense into him before kissing Derek long and hard again.
Things had been a little less stressful since. Depending on the day, that is.
Stiles had spent a enough time pining after the Sourwolf that he took no time jumping Derek’s bones. One night in the same bed was Stiles’s best night of sleep since he first learned about werewolves and then Derek continued to show up in his bedroom almost every night after that.
It proved to be a very interesting conversation the one morning Stiles’s dad walked in.
The first big threat they faced after graduation was a coven of witches who kidnapped Stiles to be their virgin sacrifice. Because apparently, word hadn't spread yet that one particular Alpha had made sure that wasn’t the case anymore.
Stiles had only felt slightly bad when Derek tore them apart.
Then the first summer ended, he went off to Stanford, and even the miles between them didn’t stop Derek— or the betas, for that matter— from showing up randomly. Eventually, a rumor was started that Stiles was either part of a gang or in an open relationship with a bunch of models. He didn’t dispute either of those.
Stiles told Derek he loved him first. He figured the werewolf had initiated the first kiss, so he might as well have some leverage in the relationship.
Stiles never should have shown Derek Star Wars , though, because the man had replied with ‘I know’ and proceeded to smirk like a bastard when Stiles hit him over the head.
And the funny thing was, Stiles didn’t see them as one of ‘those couples’ until the first night Derek had sung him to sleep after a particularly bad nightmare. He woke up the next morning realizing that he would go to the literal end of the world for the man if he asked, and then that was it. He would do anything for Derek Hale.
It was all funny at one point.
Not so much anymore.
-
You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you've left me and love another
You have shattered all of my dreams
-
When the hunters came back with Stiles, Derek felt like he knew what it was like to be on the verge of going feral. 
He thought the waiting had been the worst. Because some part of him had kept waiting, kept wondering if he was going to suddenly feel their bonds being broken. It was like losing a limb, Peter had once warned. But Derek thought it would be so much more if he lost Stiles.
If he lost Stiles—
Derek caught the boy’s scent seconds before the cell door opened up. That of cinnamon, spice, and blood. It made him both terrified and feral at the same time, and if the hunters would’ve had any idea what was going on in Derek’s head, they might have turned heel right there and fled.
But all they saw was a red-eyed werewolf, still half drugged.
When they’d taken Stiles, they’d injected more wolfsbane into his system. Enough to make Derek still for a moment too long as the door opened, wondering if it was some sort of hallucination, even though he knew it wasn’t. And then Stiles was dumped back into the cell.
Derek moved forward, gathering the boy up in his arms before his mind had even caught up.
Injuries were a common occurrence when someone dealt with supernatural threats as often as Derek and his pack did. But it never got any easier when he caught the faintest hint of blood on the boy. And this— this—
Fuck.
The first time Derek had seen Stiles hurt enough for it to be concerning, he’d finally realized the difference between the human and the wolf inside of him. Because one was terrified. And the other was downright murderous.
Derek hadn’t felt this bloodthirsty in a long time.
The black lines moving up his arms weren’t nearly moving fast enough as he cupped Stiles’s face. The teen groaned softly, stirring a little, and Derek could hear the spike of pain in the boy’s heartbeat. He hated himself for every moment that he couldn’t take all the pain away at once.
When Stiles finally opened his eyes, smiling tiredly with blood-stained teeth, Derek nearly broke down.
“Dammit, Stiles—”
“Hey, there, Sourwolf,” Stiles slurred, a hand reaching up and touching his cheek. There was dried blood on his fingertips too. Derek swallowed hard and turned his face into the touch, hating himself even more for how powerless he felt. 
“I’m so sorry.”
Stiles huffed, then broke into a coughing fit. And some traitorous part of Derek’s mind realized that the last time Stiles had been hurt bad enough for it to be concerning, it wasn’t nearly as bad as this. It wasn’t nearly as bad.
Stiles’s forehead was hot to touch, but his fingers were ice cold.
“Okay,” Derek said, forcing himself out of his head. “We’ve got to get you out of here.”
Somehow, even in the darkness, even reflecting obvious pain, Stiles’s eyes danced. “You’ve got a plan, Sourwolf?”
Derek didn’t. He didn’t have the slightest idea.
But smirking, he just raised an eyebrow and hoped it looked more convincing than he felt. “I’m the Alpha.”
“That’s so not a good plan, dude.”
Glancing back up at the cell door, Derek wondered for a moment if they’d come for him soon, too. That’s what he’d expected in the beginning. He’d expected to be the one they took. Because he could heal, dammit. He could put himself back together.
But Stiles was just human.
Clenching his jaw, Derek turned his eyes back down to Stiles. The boy’s gaze was hazy, but he was still awake. “Can you tell me what they wanted?”
“What hunters always want,” Stiles said, coughing again. The blood speckled his lips now. “Something to go after.”
“Stiles…”
“I didn’t give anything to them,” Stiles said, eyes glinting a little. And that bloody smirk was so damn proud, it made Derek’s heart skip a beat. “I told them to go fuck themselves, at least. But we’ll be fine. The pack will be here soon.”
Once more, Derek’s throat tightened. He forced himself to nod. “Yeah.”
“I mean, I totally believe in Boyd.”
Derek huffed and Stiles closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few sharp breaths. Quickly, Derek caught the hand still touching his cheek and lowered it across the boy’s chest, squeezing gently. Stiles made a small noise at the back of his throat and Derek realized it was a laugh.
“I don’t believe in the others so much, though.”
“No.”
“But don’t tell them I said that.”
“Never.”
When Stiles finally opened his eyes again, there was nothing but fondness in his gaze. It broke Derek’s heart. “Hey, Der?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re mine, you know that?”
Derek swallowed. “I know, Stiles.”
“You’re my sunshine.”
“I— I know.”
“The only one I ever needed.”
Derek looked down at him quietly. Stiles’s eyes fluttered closed again after a moment, and the boy turned his face into Derek’s chest, thumb brushing against the back of Derek’s hand. Taking a shuddering breath, Derek closed his eyes too, squeezing a little tighter. He almost didn’t want to hold onto those last few words.
Because they couldn’t be Stiles's last. 
They couldn’t.
-
You are my sunshine, 
my only sunshine 
You make me happy when skies are gray 
You'll never know dear, 
how much I love you 
Please don't take my sunshine away
-
In the hours that stretched on, the hunters didn’t come back.
Stiles felt a little bit like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his everything and a little bit like the drugs in his system had done something to his brain, the world moving sluggishly as he drifted in and out of sleep.
When the faint light coming from underneath the cell door dimmed, Stiles figured it was nighttime. That’s when the temperature dropped. Derek hadn’t seemed to notice right away, though, arms wrapped around Stiles’s shoulders. But the moment he shivered, Stiles felt the grip tighten, and then Derek was maneuvering him carefully, so Stiles was even more enveloped in the werewolf’s body heat, feeling like he was curled right up against a heater.
He chuckled hoarsely into the man’s chest, faintly noticing it was speckled with blood. His blood, Stiles realized after a moment too long.
“It’s the middle of summer, Sourwolf,” Stiles said, turning his gaze upward a little. “Why the hell is it so cold?”
Derek looked pained. Stiles stared at him for a moment longer and then blinked, dropping his gaze again.
“It’s not, is it?”
“You’re going to be alright, Stiles.”
Stiles was the master at bullshit answers. And that one wouldn’t have even hit his top ten list. “You’re a terrible liar, Der.”
The man didn’t answer. Stiles blinked hard again, realizing for the first time how tight his throat had gotten.
“I don’t feel bad,” he said. “A little sore, but that’s all.”
Once more, Derek stayed silent. But Stiles felt his arms tighten around him just a little, before quickly loosening again. As if Derek couldn’t figure out how tight to hold on. 
“I don’t feel bad,” Stiles said again. Derek pressed a kiss against the top of his head.
“Okay, Stiles.”
“Really.”
“That’s good.”
Stiles sniffed, leaning further into the werewolf’s body head and closing his eyes. If he tried hard enough, he could imagine it was just another night. One of those when Stiles woke up trembling and Derek was wrapped around him in a second, whispering soft nothings in his ear as Stiles came down from the edge and stopped panicking.
He swallowed hard. “Can you sing to me, Sourwolf?”
As close as he was, Stiles could hear Derek’s heartbeat in his chest. He could hear how it skipped a beat and the man took a sharp breath before one hand moved up and traced through his hair. “Of course.”
There were things he could say, Stiles figured. Ways he could reassure the man once more.
He felt guilty, staying silent as his entire body ached.
The first time Derek had sung to him, it was after a nightmare. And the man had been quiet for what felt like hours afterward, before telling him that Laura used to sing back in New York. Mostly after nightmares, sometimes just because.
Sometimes, because she needed it more than him.
Stiles thought he was the one who needed it right now. But when Derek’s fingers traced down over the back of his neck and Stiles realized they were trembling slightly, he was no longer so sure.
“You’re my sunshine,” Derek murmured, the words more of a whisper than anything else. And it felt private. 
Safe. 
“My only sunshine.”
-
In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame
-
Derek hated the silence.
Stiles’s heart didn’t skip a beat until what felt like hours later. It skipped just one beat, Derek told himself, half-asleep with Stiles in his lap. One quick beat, pausing right underneath the boy’s skin. So soft, he might not have felt it if the silence and stillness around them wasn’t so heavy.
But it was just a skip. One skip.
It wasn’t until Derek was nearly fully unconscious that he realized one skip was taking much too long.
When was one skip supposed to start again?
-
“Please don’t take my sunshine away.” 
-
Tagging @furrypersonheart​ to take some blame for this fic because they suggested this be written
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janekfan · 4 years ago
Note
I'm a little hesitant about this prompt, because it might need a longer story to fill it, but based on reading your fics it may be to your taste for h/c? I've seen a few Geraskier stories where Geralt is cursed to lose his sight and hearing, but I'd be interested to read one where it's Jaskier who's cursed instead. You seem to like exploring growth in stories, and I could see Geralt having to step outside his comfort zone, learning to help and support Jask while they try to break the curse.
I was inspired by this prompt because in my youth, when families go to water parks and things, my mother insisted on holding my glasses so I wouldn't lose them, not realizing I cannot see hardly ANYTHING without them, just colors. She left me like half a dozen times in a throng of people and it was scary. And even though I kept telling her I couldn't SEE HER, she wouldn't listen. I felt scared and stupid because I couldn't keep track of my family.
So I hope you enjoy :D
Thank you for the prompt! @obscurebookwyrm
Sankofa
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965268/chapters/63119659
“Geralt.”
“Hm.”
“I. What do you want me to say?” Jaskier’s grip on his lute tightened and he had to forcibly relax himself so as not to snap it in twain. “That you should have gotten hit with it instead? That you should be the one waiting for the effects of a curse to take hold so that I? The mighty bard can be the one to protect us both?”
“Hm.”
“Need I remind you that had you not pissed her off, we wouldn’t even be here?”
“Hm.”
“Fine. Leave me at the next village and I’ll just succumb to whatever this ends up being while you continue witchering or whatever.”
“Hm.” Roach picked up her pace and he could hear Jaskier curse Geralt’s stubbornness as he loped after them.
Geralt was angry. Angrier than usual with the musician and definitely not impressed with his self sacrifice because now, if anything, he would be an even bigger liability. It was bad enough he fumbled along behind him, constantly jabbering, writing the most ridiculous songs. But now, Geralt had to wait and see what would become of him now that he’d been hit with some unnamed affliction. Geralt refused to admit that Jaskier was right. That it was better that the stronger of them was curse free and able to continue on unimpaired.
But he was now an even larger inconvenience and Geralt hadn’t thought that was possible.
And yet.
As brave a face as he was putting on, he could smell the sour scent of anxiousness as Jaskier filled up the silence with more talk about inane things, stray lyrics, random observations, all because he was nervous.
Nothing happened yet. Maybe nothing would happen at all.
“Geralt.” Even and steady, Jaskier’s voice hovered somewhere to the left of him. There was something strange about the quality of it and it immediately set Geralt on edge.
“What?” He couldn’t help the exasperation, it had been a long few days, and he felt Jaskier tense beside him on his bed roll.
“There.” He paused and Geralt knew if he turned to look at him he’d be worrying his lip between his teeth.
“What?” They were late as it is, the sun three fingers above the horizon already.
“There are no stars.” His whispering was shaky and trembling. Fear. It was flooding Geralt’s sensitive nose. What was this lunatic on about? Of course there weren’t any stars.
“It’s late morning. Of course there aren’t.” He rolled his eyes and began packing up camp. They’d eat on the move to make up for lost time. He nudged Jaskier with the toe of his boot. “Get up. You’re wasting daylight.”
“Daylight.” His hand was hovering over his face and he kicked him a little harder.
“Yes. Daylight. Move or stay here, but I’m leaving.” Instead of following his directions, Jaskier swallowed a few times, blinking hard and staring at his palm in between. “Jaskier.” Growling, grabbing the collar of his chemise and slinging him to his feet himself, confused when his arms shot out for balance and he nearly fell. “What are you--are you drunk?” No. He’d smell it. But it was all becoming a little too clear and Geralt didn’t want to be the one to say it aloud.
“No.” A weak exhale, a disbelieving laugh. “I’m. I’m blind.”
Blind.
The curse.
“Are you sure?” Geralt was a hair's breadth away from his face, examining his eyes, blank and vacant and staring off into the distance despite their proximity. There was nothing wrong that he could tell. Still the same cornflower blue he was so familiar with.
“I think I’d know.” He scoffed.
“Then we’d better get moving.” Geralt couldn’t help it, the thread of anger twisting around his words just happened. All Jaskier seemed to do was slow him down and get in the way. “Find a way to break this thing.” It took the bard three times longer to pack his belongings and Geralt became more impatient every time he dropped something or stubbed his toe or lost his balance. He knew it wasn’t fair. But this was all the bard’s fault in the first place and he’d have to deal with the consequences.
Jaskier played his lute even more and was even slower, not yet sure on his feet without the advantage of sight. Geralt saw that he kept his ear canted towards Roach’s hooves crunching on the stones, using her as a guide and he wondered if maybe Jaskier should be riding her instead. The music he was picking out on his strings was simpler and felt more like practice than anything new and he realized that he was comforting himself with easy exercises and wondered how long he’d insist on doing it.
All day, it turned out, and Geralt was just about on his last nerve, turning his irritability into action by setting up camp and batting Jaskier out of his way, finally just sitting him in the dirt. He stoked up the fire, tossed down Jaskier’s bedroll and stalked off to find dinner and clear his head before he started yelling.
When he returned with a brace of rabbits, Jaskier was gone and Geralt swallowed down the spike of panic in his throat, dropping his catch and looking for signs of a struggle and instead finding odd marks that looked like Jaskier had crawled across the ground. And he found him, cowering amid Roach’s legs, a dangerous spot for probably anyone else, but she was as calm as ever, letting him stroke the length of her forelimb. There were drying tear tracks on his face.
“G’Geralt?” His voice was small and wavering, barely above his shaking breath.
“Who else would it be?”
“I didn’t know where you’d gone.” He didn’t leave the horse. “I, I called out. But. And then. There’s a lot of noises in the woods at night.” This laugh was self deprecating, as though he knew how ridiculous he was being, like a child hiding from shadows.
But his whole world was in shadow.
“You’ve camped before. It’s foolish to be afraid.”
“Y’yeah. Of course it is.” He extricated himself from his position beneath Roach, petting her neck, and Geralt let it be. “Thank you for your protection, good lady.” She lipped the collar of his doublet and he rested his cheek on her velvet nose for just a moment before stumbling back to his bedroll.
“Here.” Jaskier looked confused. “The rabbit. Dinner?”
“Oh, uh.” He reached out, drawing his hand quickly back when he burned the tips of his fingers and slipping them into his mouth for a second. “Ha, it’s hot.” Geralt yanked his wrist and pressed the stick he’d roasted the meat on against his palm and watched Jaskier’s fingers wrap around it reflexively.
“Just eat. We’ll figure this out tomorrow.”
They didn’t. Not the next day, nor the day after that, but Jaskier was trying to adjust more and more each day despite how he seemed to be withdrawing. It was easy to forget he was blind and Geralt was easily frustrated by his sense of direction, or rather the awful lack of it. More than once, he’d misjudged the path and toppled into the bushes. Twice, Geralt had come back from a hunt to find him trapped in the corner of their rented room. He’d gotten turned around and hadn’t been able to figure out how he was boxed in by the bed, the small table, a chair. Jaskier laughed it off.
He’d been upset each time.
At the market the next day, Geralt told him off handedly that he was heading to the blacksmith, and to catch up when he was ready, because usually he wanted to dither about at the stalls looking at some trinket or another. When he’d finally realized, tapping his foot and waiting for a blind man who didn’t know his way around this village to somehow find him, he followed his scent, laced with terror, to an alley where he’d pressed himself up tight to the wall, protecting his back. They didn’t speak, Geralt just grabbed his wrist and dragged him back to the room. Told him to stay there if he couldn’t figure out how to find his way around.
The hurt on his face cut like a blade.
“Get down and stay down.” Geralt shoved Jaskier’s face into the dirt, both of them narrowly avoiding decapitation when the beast attacked out of nowhere. Caught flat footed, Geralt found himself pinned to the ground, struggling under the weight of it and hooking his thumbs in the corners of its maw to keep the teeth from closing around his head. Fetid breath came closer and closer and he thought for a moment this might be it when the resounding crack of a tree limb colliding with the side of its skull stunned it enough for Geralt to kick it off him. He used the momentum to roll and draw his steel sword, cutting off its head with a wet and sickening squelch.
“Geralt?” Jaskier, covered in black ichor and mud, stood swaying in the road, clinging to a length of splintered wood, blind eyes wide with shock. And then, panting with horror, Jaskier fainted dead away.
He’d lost him again.
“Fuck.” Geralt didn’t know where or how long ago and began retracing his steps, scenting the air and picking up the faintest traces of the oils he’d used last night in the bath. It was tainted by the smell of fear, acrid and sharp, and he ran.
Saw Jaskier pinned up against a wall by a larger man than he, a broad, ugly hand clasped over his mouth and a knee between his thighs. He was struggling to breathe, high pitched whimpering slipped from behind his attacker’s palm and he grabbed a fistful of hair to slam the back of Jaskier’s head into the wall behind him.
The brute didn’t notice the knife slipped between his ribs until it was too late. He’d die in this place and Geralt wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it.
“Who--” He sobbed, choked. “Geralt?” Tears cascaded down his cheeks, slipped off his chin.
“Who was that?” Why couldn’t he be kind to Jaskier when he needed it most? Why did he let his own fear of the situation manifest as blame?
“He’d. Solicited me in the tavern and I told him no.” He shuddered. “I thought he might be following but.” He swallowed with a wet click. “You were walking so fast, I lost the sound of your steps.” Drawing a sharp intake of breath he swept a hand through his tousled hair, trying to calm himself down. Geralt could hear his heartbeat hammering madly away behind his breastbone.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaskier flinched at his volume, hugging himself around his middle and casting his face to the ground, and if Geralt was a stronger man he would tell his bard that this was not his fault. That he was scared of what he almost let happen.
“I. You were angry.”
“What?” With the heel of his hand, Jaskier scrubbed at his face. His bruised face, the imprints from where he was held darkening around his mouth and neck.
“You said I needed to figure this out and. I.” Had been snatched off the street by a predator and very nearly badly hurt. “I forgot my dagger back at the inn.” He took a deep breath, and then another. “I’m sorry, that was. That was stupid.”
“Hm.” It wasn’t. He should have been safe with Geralt in broad daylight. This time he took his hand, laced their fingers together and squeezed. “Let’s go.”
Exhausted from his earlier panic, Jaskier could barely stand when they reached the room, and Geralt helped him the last few steps to the bed, divesting him of doublet and chemise to expose even more bruising. He should have killed the guy slower. Much slower.
“Sorry. I’m sorry you have to do this.” Barely above a whisper. “I shouldn’t have. This curse.”
“Hush.” Geralt wrung out a cloth in the wash basin, touched it to his face and caught him when he jerked away in fear and surprise. “It’s alright. Just me. I’m going to get you cleaned up, Jaskier.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Muttering, he reached for the flannel.
“I know. Just. Relax, alright?” He swept it up his arm, lingered at the space between his neck and shoulder. “I’ve got you. I’m. Going to do better, Jaskier.”
“What do you mean?” This time, he allowed the touch and Geralt dabbed at a cut on his lip before rinsing and wringing again.
“You’ll ride Roach. In towns, I won’t let you out of my sight.” Jaskier was relaxing, blinking sleepily.
“You can’t babysit me all the time, Geralt.” Though he detected the hope that he wouldn’t have to keep doing this alone beneath his voice.
“No. But I can take care of you until we find a way to break this. Like I should have been doing from the start.” Jaskier’s head was nodding as he fought to stay awake. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Geralt let Jaskier sleep in. The man was dead to the world, bruises stark on his pale skin, and no doubt exhausted from the day before and trying to manage as a newly blind being basically traveling alone. They had to get moving. Maybe Yennefer would understand how to break this curse or at least point them in a direction. But they had to find her first.
“Jaskier.” There was no response, not even a twitch, and Geralt spoke his name louder, and louder still before shaking him awake and dodging his flying fist. “Jaskier!” Nothing but panic in his face and Geralt was tired of seeing that there. He settled his hands over his shoulders, cupped his neck on either side. “Jaskier, what is it? A bad dream?” That wasn’t uncommon after an experience like he’d had.
“Geralt?” His breathing picked up, tears lined his dark lashes. “I.” The witcher snapped his fingers on either side of his head and watched his stricken face stay the same. “Geralt?” This time he drew Jaskier into an embrace, hugging him tightly and allowing him to do the same.
Because he couldn’t hear.
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janicho88 · 4 years ago
Text
Colder Weather
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Pairing-Dean x reader
Word count-2965
Summary-Dean has to keep leaving his girl behind for hunts. She wishes she was enough to make him stay, or even take her with him. Can she continue to wait and worry over him coming back? Will he realize he wants more than calls and texts before it’s too late, and all he’s left with is colder weather? 
AN- This is for @atc74​ Collab Challenge.  My song was Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band, Song lyrics are Bold and italicized.  This is unbeta’d all mistakes are mine. 
Rolling over in bed you tried to curl up closer to the man who was holding you tight when you fell asleep.  Not immediately feeling him, you extended your arm out and kept reaching, feeling cold sheets which had your eyes shooting open.  Quickly getting out of bed and hurrying to the window looking out at the still dark horizon.   You had wondered if your love was strong enough to make him stay, you’re answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane. Sitting back on the bed mind wandering to the day before, and the brief time you shared.
Standing in the kitchen putting groceries away you heard the front door open and close quickly before the winter lets the cold in,  over the music you had playing.  Grabbing the rolling pin sitting out, it was the closest weapon you had, and made your way around the corner as heavy footsteps came closer.  When you figured they were just about to walk past, you swung the rolling pin down to stop the intruder.  Your time was slightly off and the man jumped back.
“Son of a bitch!  What the hell are you doing woman!”
Hiding the rolling pin behind your back, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath to calm your nerves before answering.  “I heard the door open and I knew it was locked so I thought someone was breaking in.  I was going to stop them.”  You finished the explanation quietly with a wince before finally meeting the deep green eyes staring back at you. 
“Did you really think that rolling pin was going to do much good?  And your timing sucks by the way, but at the moment I’m very glad.  We gotta get you a better weapon, Sweetheart.”  Dean just shook his head before he opened his arms to you.
Setting the rolling pin down you rushed into your boyfriend’s arms so happy to see him.  Your lips quickly find his, both of you getting lost in the other before the need for oxygen separated you.  “I wasn’t expecting you, and I didn’t hear the Impala pull up over the music.  I’ve missed you so much!  How long can you stay this time?”
“I wanted to surprise you, not sure I’ll be doing that again though.  Missed you too, Sweetheart.”  He hugged you a little tighter, but you noticed he never answered your last question. 
Dean, was a hunter you had met two years ago when he was working a case in town.  You were the bartender across the street from the motel they had been staying at.  Dean came in just about every night and the two of you would talk while he drank his whiskey or beer and tried to flirt with you.  It wasn’t too many of his visits in, when you put the pieces together and realized he was a hunter.  The disappearances in town were the reason for his presence.  You knew about the life, your dad had been a hunter before he tried to retire when he met your mom.  He wanted you to be aware of what was out there so you could protect yourself.
Your house had a spare room and a pull out couch so you offered them to Sam and Dean instead of staying at the motel any longer since their case seemed to be dragging out.  That case had gone on for two and half weeks before they finally ended the monster.  During that time you and Dean had grown closer, yes he even ended up in your bed.  After he left the two of you kept in touch by email, text and phone calls.  Anytime they were nearby, he deemed 200 miles away close, they would stop by.  Occasionally Dean would make the trip alone just because he wanted to see you.
  It took a few months of this, before the two of you admitted to each other you wanted to be more than just friends with benefits.  The thought of Dean possibly hooking up with someone else while on a hunt, always had you turning green with jealousy.  You both decided to give a long distance relationship a shot.  That had been a year and half ago, the only problem, the miles between you.  You had lived in Denver your whole life and before meeting Dean, never thought you would leave.  It hurt so much every time Dean walked out that door, you’d trade Colorado if he’d take you with him.”
Groaning in frustration you got out of bed once more, you needed to start your day, not dwell on the short time you shared with Dean before he left this morning. Heading to the kitchen for breakfast after your shower you found a note sitting on the counter.
Sweetheart,
I’m sorry to leave without saying goodbye, but I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful.  We already had a hunt we were headed to, but I needed to see you first.  I dropped Sam at the motel in town before coming to you, promising him we’d get an early start.  We both know if I had woken you up to say goodbye, I wouldn’t have left like I should have.  
Call you soon.
Love,
Dean 
The only reason you looked peaceful was because he had been holding you.  His work was important, and you should be happy he even stopped by in the first place.  It was just so dang hard to watch him leave.  You never knew when he would be back, lately it seemed like there were more hunts keeping him away.  The little bit of time the guys weren’t hunting they were cleaning, fixing and taking care of themselves and their weapons at the bunker.  Or picking up whatever lore might help them with the current evil they were up against.  Sometimes though, you just wished your love for him was enough to keep him here but you knew that was wishful thinking on your part. 
Later that night, two states away Dean was sitting at a bar in Montana, nursing his second whiskey of the night thinking back at the girl he left behind.  It was never easy walking away from her, but he couldn’t get you, anymore involved in his life than you already were.  He had to keep you safe.  Paying his tab he left the bar to walk back to the motel and see if Sam found anything.  
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Walking through the snow which winter in Montana left behind, Dean decided to call you. The colder weather reminded him of times with you in Denver.  Your phone went to voicemail, looking at the time he realized you would still be working the bar so he left you a message.  At Least he still got a chance to hear your voice, even if it was on a recording. 
It was just after two when you finally had everything cleaned, put away and the bar ready to be locked up for the night.   Walking quickly through the cold windy night you arrived at your car pulling out your phone as you got in. There was a missed call and a voicemail from Dean waiting for you. 
  “Hey Y/N, we made it to Montana, man I hated leaving you today.  I wanna see you again, but I’m stuck in colder weather.  Maybe tomorrow will be better, can I call you then?  Love you Sweetheart, stay safe.”
It was your first instinct to call him back after listening to his message, but a quick glance at the time had you putting your phone away.  Dean should be asleep by now, and knowing him, his phone would still be on.  The man didn’t get much sleep as it was so you weren’t going to chance interrupting any that he was hopefully getting.  The last thing he should be is sleep deprived on a hunt.  You needed him to come back to you. 
The next day you were sitting in your kitchen picking at your cereal when you dialed Dean back.  Unfortunately for you, his phone also went to voicemail.  This slightly leaves you on edge, not knowing if he didn’t pick up because he was busy with something case related or if he was hurt and unable to answer.  You always worried about him and Sam when they were working. Leaving a voicemail for him, you hung up hoping to hear something from him soon.
Dean walked out of the coroners office with a laughing Sam, and his own head starting to pound.  They were trying to get answers from the doctor who had seen the three victims, but the receptionist proved to be a bit of a problem.  She kept trying to catch Dean’s eye and would interrupt the doctor who was explaining the injuries to them.  After a few minutes of fighting to hear over her, Sam guided the doctor to the other side of the room and left Dean to fend for himself.  He didn’t want to be rude in case they needed something from the office later on, so he tried to appear like he was happy to listen to her.  Man she was a talkative one.  Sliding into Baby, he picked up his phone he had forgotten on the seat.  ‘Damn’ he thought, awakening the screen he saw a missed call from Y/N.  Putting the phone to his ear he couldn’t wait to hear your voice.
“Hey De. I’m sorry I missed your call, I didn’t want to wake you by calling back when I left work.  As much as I hate you leaving me, Winchester, you’re a ramblin’ man and you ain’t ever gonna change.  You got a gypsy soul to blame, and you were born for leavin’.  I love you and be safe.  I’ll be here whenever you can come back.” 
He tried to call you back but missed you again, simply leaving a  voicemail saying he misses you, and would try back later.  The case dragged on for another two days, instead of driving back to Colorado, Sam found another case.  This one took the boys to northern Washington. 
Getting out of the car at the next motel Dean looked around and then up to the sky.  “If it keeps snowing like this we might be stuck here awhile.”  
Walking to the office to get a room he just shakes his head, because being stuck here is the last thing he wants.  He just wants to finish up and get back to Y/N.  The few hours he had with you last week weren’t long enough. 
This case was a bit tougher than the last, they had been in town for a week, the snow and wind were making it more difficult.  After spending the last two hours going through notes and reports  Dean hit up a 24 hour diner just to get out of the room.  He wasn’t feeling the bar tonight, always takes him back to how he met his girl, and makes him miss you even more.  He already needed to see you again as it was. 
Sitting at a table by the front window looking out, the night is black as the coffee he was drinkin.   When the waitress first walked over he had to do a double take, she reminded him of Y/N.  They had the same color hair, around the same height, and her eyes even had that familiar sparkle.  He thinks of Colorado and the girl he left behind him.  Taking out his phone he sees your smiling face on his screen, dialing that familiar number he once again gets your voicemail. 
Dashing through the heavy falling snow, which signaled the start of a big storm the local meteorologist had warned about, the only thought on your mind was to get out of the cold.  Sliding in your car you didn’t even think to check your phone before heading home from work.  When you were finally all secure in your house you finally realized you hadn’t looked at your phone all night.  There was a new voicemail from Dean waiting.
“Hey Sweetheart, just checking in.  I’m stuck in colder weather,  maybe tomorrow will be better. Soon we’ll be together, and I can’t wait till then. Love you.”
You hated that you two kept playing phone tag, nothing seemed to be working out for either of you lately.  His call was from over two hours ago, too late to call again. You wondered if this was how it would always be, him leaving you to go and fight the next big bad, the constant worry of him making it back.  Could you really handle being with this rambling man, or was it time to move on?
Finally finishing up the case in Washington the guys head out, the destination in Dean’s mind Colorado, until his phone rings.  Sam answers seeing it’s Garth, and Dean is battling the road.  He spends a few minutes talking to the other hunter,  and glancing at Dean occasionally.  Just before hanging up he tells Garth, “yeah, it’s fine.  Dean and I can handle it.”  Shooting Sam a glare Dean waits for his brother to tell him what they are ‘handling.’
“So there is a Vamp case near Boise, Idaho, Garth is up near Pennsylvania.  He can’t find another hunter to take it, and we are going through the state anyway.  I’m sorry, but there is no reason we shouldn’t take this case Dean.”
Dean has a pretty good reason, but he won’t tell his brother that.  He thinks of seeing his girl and shakes his head knowing they do need to work this case.  Sitting alone in Baby, a few hours later Dean closes his eyes and remembers the good times the two of you have shared together.  That’s been his way of coping since you two met, thinking of you can get him through anything.  Waiting for Sam to come out of the gas station he picks up his phone.  This time it didn’t even ring once before going to voicemail.  Thinking about it he hasn’t actually heard from her since he left the message at the diner.
Hi Sweetheart, just thinking about you.  When I close my eyes I see you no matter where I am.  We caught another case, but hopefully I can see you soon.  Miss you, love you.”
Thankfully, they finished up the vamp case in just a few days.  Dean told Sam there was no way they were taking another case until he checked on Y/N.  He hadn’t gotten an answer to any of his voicemails in days, and he was worried.  The last two text messages still went unread.  Was something wrong, or did he push away the best thing that ever happened to him. 
 They had to stop in Utah to get some sleep, Sam wouldn’t let Dean keep going once Baby started swerving.  “You are no good if you kill us trying to get to her. Get a couple hours sleep, shower then you can see her tomorrow.”
Dean reluctantly gave in, the snow was making the drive longer than it should have taken anyway.
Pulling up to her house the next day everything was dark.  Dean got out of the car, using his key he let the two of them in.  Something wasn’t right here.  No one was there, the power was off, the bag you use for travel was gone along with some of your favorite things.  
“It’s as cold in here as outside, Dean.”  Sam said to him, “Something’s up.”
Dean looked for sulfur or signs of a struggle and found nothing.  Did she leave to get away from me, he wondered?  He was standing in the living room with Sam when he heard the front door open.
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“Dean? Are you here?”  You walked into your house looking around for one or both Winchesters.  Walking into the living room you found them.
“What happened to your house?”
“What do you mean?”  Looking around you didn’t see anything wrong.
“Were you leaving, everything’s off.  Even your heat. You haven’t answered me in days.”
“Um, did you notice driving here that there is no power in most of the town?  We had a major snow and ice storm last week.  It lasted a couple days, they only started getting to repairs yesterday.  Took out some of the cell towers too.  I’ve been staying at a friend's. They have a fireplace for heat, and got the generator running today. I came home for my phone charger, and to check on the place.”
Walking over to pull you into his arms, Dean holds you tight filled with relief to have you here.  “I was too busy thinking of getting to you, to notice anything else.  I love you, but I leave you.  I don’t want you, but I need you.  I’m a ramblin man and I ain’t ever gonna change.  I got a gypsy soul to blame, and I was born for leaving, but baby I don’t want to leave you anymore.  You know it’s you that calls me back here baby.  Come back to the bunker, move in with me. I don’t want to leave you behind anymore. 
“I thought you would never ask, Dean.  I would have traded all this to be with you more a long time ago.  Are you going to help me pack?”
Leaning down to softly meet your lips with his own he takes his time kissing you before answering.  “Anything to get you home with me quicker.  We can even take your rolling pin, I can teach you what it’s really meant for.  Pie crusts.”
The cold weather swirling outside didn’t stand a chance against the heat building between the two of you.
Thank you for reading!
Tags-  @talesmaniac89 @katehuntington @winchest09 @flamencodiva @whatareyousearchingfordean @waywardbeanie @smol-and-grumpy @emoryhemsworth @anathewierdo @malfoysqueen14 @superfanficnatural @jensengirl83 @deanwanddamons​ @sandlee44 @akshi8278  @fantasydevil2002
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ella-animine · 4 years ago
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The Night We Met
The wind whistled through the trees like a heartbroken sigh. It cried out across the distance as though it could pierce through ones heart. Perhaps it could, if the heart it tried to pierce was not made of stone, that of a Witcher. Still, the sound reminded Geralt too much of the wails of monsters before dying. A swan song, of sorts; that of a creature mortally wounded.
It was wrong to have hurt him so on the mountain, wrong but necessary in the long run. It would do no good to have the bard follow him. Still, as much as he tried to forget, Geralt couldnt shake the memories and the feelings that Jaskier had drudged up. He had been his companion after all, one that Geralt had rather unfortunately cared for. But now, at what may be the end of all things, Geralt was alone, just as he was meant to be. No Mage or Bard to keep him company, Geralt took to The Path just as he always had.
There were flickers of him everywhere. The wind through the trees sounded like him; mournful. Every snapped twig drew Geralt’s attention. Worst yet, every town with a bard strumming in the ale house seemed to sing the same songs.
“I am not the only traveler,
Who has not repayed his debt”
He tried not to listen, but his ears often betrayed him and his head was filled with the lyrics. Sometimes his mind would wander to thinking of what Jaskier might be singing, what sort of scathing remarks he might have put to music in retaliation for Geralt’s actions.
Most nights Geralt had difficulty sleeping. This issue was only exacerbated by the lack of a calm heartbeat nearby to help him feel as though he were a little less alone in the world.
“I’ve been searching for a trail to follow, again...”
Jaskier was well and truly lost in the world. He slowly bounced from town to village, drinking all the ale he could get his hands on and trying to scrape together enough meager coin to survive. His situation was hurt by the fact that lately he couldn’t bring himself to play the lively tunes or dramatic ballads that had won him fame and prestige. Rather he favored plucking slow and mournful notes from his lute, whispering and whimpering words that would sour even the worst drunkard’s fine mood.
He thought of where he was going in life. More directly, he thought often of where he should go more immediately. Perhaps Oxenfurt would permit him to return, although he wasn’t sure how useful he could make himself as a professor in such a sorry state. He would no doubt be unwelcome at his family table should he ever try to return home. His mother had made very clear what she thought of his chosen profession as well as his choice of company.
But he was without company anymore, and soon to be without a profession if he could not turn his life around.
Jaskier sighed to himself, rolling over in the hay that he had scraped together for a bed. He mumbled sorrowfully to himself
“Take me back to the night we met.”
Geralt tried various ways to take his mind off of the stupid bard and all of his tunes and lies. No matter how hard he threw himself into hunting, or how many prostitutes he paid, Geralt still found his thoughts drift. Jaskier had not been such a huge part of his life, or so he had thought, but the near constant stream of thoughts seemed determined to convince him otherwise.
As Geralt lay staring up at the ceiling after a rather athletic bout with another whore, he thought he may need to seek a mage or a healer to clear his head of the excess.
“Then I can tell myself, what the hell I’m supposed to do...”
“And then I can tell myself,
Not to ride along with you...”
Jaskier sat curled up in the back of the cart a kind enough farmer had let him hitch a ride on for the next town. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and cradled his lute in his arms. He had not felt such low emotions like this in years, and although he detested to call them so, he could not escape the truth that he was experiencing the feelings of abandonment.
Jaskier stared into the distance, trying not to think of all the times he had walked these roads with Geralt over the years. He tried desperately not to think about all the times he had shared with the Witcher, that he would never be able to get back.
Time evidently wasted.
“I had all and most of you, some and now none of you”
Geralt huffed at the lyrics that he heard. For some damnable reason the new most popular song of the Continent was about lost love, and the lyrics drove him crazy. There was no escape from it, every bar or inn was taken over by one bard or another singing the tune. It floated on the wind and whispered between the trees even when Geralt chose to forgo a warm bed for the forest floor.
It was not that he drew parallels to his life, his own lost companionship and love, Geralt insisted that it was simply because all of the bards and poets were pure shit at performing it. He dared not acknowledge the following thought, that he knew of one such person who was not likely to disappoint. It had been almost months at this point, and Geralt still grit his teeth to think of how many innocuous things could force thoughts of Jaskier to overtake his mind. Whatever form of companionship the two had shared was surely not worth all of the trouble he was suffering for having ended things.
“I don’t know what supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you”
Jaskier felt a sharp pain in his chest. The indecent proposal of becoming another’s bedfellow should have excited him, and yet he could not shake the pervasive ache that such a proposal brought.
He found a sad smile to paste on for show and blamed his lack of interest on being weary from his travels. He left before he could hear another word of argument, favoring to retire to his sparse room for the night and make a valiant effort to not allow himself to weep.
Despite himself, Jaskier lay on the threadbare mattress staring at the ceiling; he felt tears spill over and run down his temple. He wept harder still.
“Take me back to the night we met...”
Geralt propped himself up under a tree. He had narrowly escaped a violent collision with a territorial griffin, and was rather worse for wear. He tore the stopper from a vial and drank down the potion, knowing it would not cure him instantly but would alleviate some of the pain. The combination of lost blood and the potion clouding his senses permitted thoughts Geralt had shoved away to come to the forefront of his mind now.
He rarely felt fear for himself, as it was his duty to die if a monster ever truly bested him. There were times, though, that Geralt had known fear. He would never allow anyone to know, but here in the hazy theater of his mind he was free to relive all of the negative feelings he had little control over.
“When the night was full of terrors”
Geralt had known fear but a few times since boyhood. Few things were quite as terrifying as the agony of the Trial of the Grasses, but still there were moments etched into his memory that he would never be able to forget.
One such prominent memory was the day he had watched a curse force blood to bubble up out of his companions sputtering mouth at the grim news that he was likely to die. Geralt had done his best to remain unaffected, but he knew the moment that that Jaskier looked at him he would never be able to forget that sinking feeling of helplessness.
There were so many things he had never said.
“And your eyes were filled with tears”
As he lay tossing and turning Jaskier permitted himself the small mercy of letting his mind wander to thoughts of comfort. How he enjoyed a good strong wine time and again, or the rumble of pride he felt at receiving an audience’s applause. He mused about soft sheets and a full belly. He thought of the simple pleasures of enjoying his favorite fruit during peak ripeness, feeling the juice spill over his lips and be caught by a quick tongue. He thought of the slide of tongue and mouth when kissing, how a lover might show another affection.
How Jaskier had drawn his own lips chastely over his companion’s not just once when he thought the other was sleeping too deeply to notice.
Those thoughts no longer brought him comfort.
“When you had not touched me yet...”
Geralt recalled in the gauzy haze between sleep and wake how he had been the recipient of Jaskier’s affections. Witchers were, by nature, extremely light sleepers and as such Geralt had been aware every time that Jaskier had chosen to bestow upon him a light kiss. It was never more than a soft press of lips, and Geralt never dared move or give any indication that he was conscious of what happened, lest Jaskier would wise up and stop permitting himself the indulgence.
Geralt had long avoided thinking of why he never spoke or acknowledged the action, thereby through his own inaction encouraging its continuation. Deep down he supposed he enjoyed it on some level. Acknowledging it would take away the only pure affection Geralt would allow himself receive, because he was not supposed to know about it. Now, as the potion pulled Geralt deeper into a healing slumber, he longed for the gentle press of lips to his own, and cursed himself both for the longing and for never pressing to see what other affections he may have received.
“Take me back to the night we met.”
For the first time in a long time Geralt allowed himself to seek a room at the inn. It was supposed to rain overnight and he reasoned that Roach deserved a dry stable to sleep in for all the trouble he had put her through lately. It was already well enough into the evening by the time he staggered inside, and Geralt was hardly willing to invest any unnecessary attention in the other patrons of the inn and ale house. He hardly registered that someone was singing until his ear caught the sound of it better through the general din of the crowd.
“I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you”
Geralt felt his feet stop short at the words. His body turned without his consent and he listened closer to the song to be certain he was not being tricked or deceived.
“Take me back to the night we met”
There Jaskier practically moaned on a stool as he sang his latest hit. His eyes morosely scanned the patrons of the bar, looking perhaps for any kindred spirits of heartbreak and loneliness. There he found one with particularly rapt attention. A spectre from his past that Jaskier anticipated never to see again.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you”
Geralt felt his sad blue eyes from across the room. He was positive the bard had to feel the intensity of his own golden eyes taking him in. Time felt as if it were suspended, caught in those teary eyes, and the next words felt as if they were merely whispered.
“Take me back...”
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andhumanslovedstories · 5 years ago
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Recent country songs that have made me literally gay gasp as a gay woman, in order of how much they make me want to write an essay on gender and queerness
HONORARY MENTION BUT JUST BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS TECHNICALLY AMERICANA NOT COUNTRY (but genre is fake) AND THIS SONG ISN’T RECENT (2014 and I’ve been listening to it faithfully since then) BUT I ONLY RECENTLY LEARNED IT’S A COVER AND THAT’S MADE ME RECONTEXTUALIZE IT: “Murder in the City” by Brandi Carlile, a cover of The Avett Brothers where she changed the words “make sure my sister knows I loved her/make sure my mother knows the same” to “make sure my wife knows that I love her/make sure my daughter knows the same” which fucking. fucking gets me. Especially since the first time that I heard this song, I assumed it was from a man’s point of view because of that line, and then I learned that Brandi Carlile is a lesbian and I was caught up in my foolish heteronormitivity, and then I learned it was a cover and thought oh okay I guess the song is originally from a man’s pov and it’s cool she covered, and then I learned she changed those lines to make a song that already feels deeply personal to her to explicitly include her love for a woman and the family they’ve made together. And that’s just. It’s all just a lot. 
3) “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” by Miranda Lambert featuring Maren Morris, Elle King, Ashley McBryde, Tenille Townes and Caylee Hammack, because the first time it came up on my spotify, I saw the title and was like “hey dope I like this song” and then I heard the first line was still “I must have been through about a million girls” and I realized none of the words or pronouns were getting changed and I was getting the song I’ve always wanted and deserved: a high production value, high energy, big girl group tribute to being a lesbian fuckboy who Fooled Around And, oops can you believe it, Fell in Love. 
2) “If She Ever Leaves Me” by The Highwomen, sung by Brandi Carlile who is, as mentioned, lesbian, but since I’m apparently still chugging my comp het juice, I was still trying to figure out if this song--a classic “hey buddy keep walking, she’s my girl and she’s not interested” song with an interesting element of the singer being aware the relationship might not last anyway--was gonna be explicitly queer. And then there’s the line, “That's too much cologne, she likes perfume,” and I was like OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!! 
This is immediately followed by the lines “I’ve loved her in secret/I’ve loved her out loud” which is also deliciously queer in this context, with this singer and that juxtaposition, but the line that really fucking got me is my favorite of the song: “If she ever leaves, it's gonna be for a woman with more time.” This is two women in a complicated relationship. This isn’t just a “keep walking, cowboy” song, it’s a song that uses that framework to suggest a whole ass “Finishing the Hat”** relationship, and that’s so interesting to me. Like a song that isn’t just explicitly about two women in love but one that conveys very quickly a rich history between the two of them. And in a genre where the line “Kiss lots of boys, kiss lots of girls if that’s something you’re into” was revolutionary representation.
(Fun fact, “Follow Your Arrow” was partially written by Brandy Clarke, another country lesbian! Another fun fact, so is basically every other good country song. Brandy Clark, please write a big lesbian country anthem, I know it will immediately kill me on impact.) 
To quote one youtube comment, “”lesbians how we feeling??” and to answer by quoting some others, “As a closeted baby gay in the 90s, who was into country, this song would have changed my life”, “I just teared up.  So many happy tears, as a gay woman raised on country music,  this is something that's definitely been needed.  Thank you Brandi. Thank you highwomen”, “This song means more than I can say in a youtube comment”, and “Lesbians needed this song :)”
It’s me. I’m lesbians. 
**ANOTHER HONORARY MENTION EXCEPT IT ISN’T RECENT AND IT ISN’T COUNTRY SO I GUESS THIS IS JUST A MENTION, BUT I AM INTERESTED IN THIS SONG--“Finishing the Hat” by Kelli O’Hara. A very good Sondheim joint, that’s about making art, the costs of its obsessive and exclusive nature and the incomparable pleasure of putting something into the world that wasn’t there before. It’s such a traditionally male narrative that I’m thrilled to find a wonderful female cover of it. I’m not even fussed about her changing the gender from the lover who won’t wait for the artist (except that the shift from “woman” to “one man” sounds so clunky) because there’s value turning this song into a lament of the men who won’t love artistic women. But I do also wish she’d also recorded a version that kept the original gender so it would be gay. OKAY BROADWAY TANGENT OVER, BACK TO COUNTRY. 
1) “Highwomen” by The Highwomen, ft. Yola and Sheryl Crow. I can’t even express the full body chills the first time I heard this. Like repeated, multiple chills renewed at every verse of the song. This really closely parallels my experience with “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” up there, because when I started it I was like “oh dope I know what this cover will be” and then the lyrics started and I was like “OH MY GOD I DIDN’T.” In the case of “Fooled Around” it’s because I was amazed that they kept the original words. In the case of “Highwomen” I fucking transcended because they changed them. 
So I grew up on Johnny Cash, obsessed with a couple of his albums but largely with a CD I had of his greatest hits. (Ask me how many times I listened to the shoeshine boy song. Hundreds. Johnny Cash told me to get rhythm and I got it.) And my FAVORITE was “Highwayman” from the country supergroup he was in, The Highwaymen. The concept of the song is that each of the four men sing a verse about a man from the past and how he died. It’s very good. The line “They buried me in that grey tomb that knows no sound” used to scare the shit out of me. I didn’t expect to have a song that targets so specifically my fear of being buried alive in wet concrete. 
(If you haven’t heard the song, by the way, listen to this version to properly appreciate it as a piece of music. If you have, watch the fucking music video holy shit this is a work of art oh my GOD.) 
So I was predisposed to love this cover before I even heard it. But then I heard it. And they rewrote the song to be about historical women. And it’s like. There’s layers here okay. 
Neither the Highwaymen nor the Highwomen are signing about famous people. This isn’t a Great Man tour of history, it’s about dam builders and sailors and preachers and mothers and Freedom Riders and also Johnny Cash who flies a starship across the universe, as you do. 
In the 1986 version, it’s a song about the continuity of life--the repeated idea is “I am still alive, I’m still here, I come back again and again in different forms.” The highwayman is all the men in the song. He reincarnates. The song is past, present, future. The title is singular, masculine. The same soul, expressed through multiple voices, multiple lives. 
In the 2019 version, the title is plural, feminine. Highwomen. This song is about women. Each verse asserts the same motif as the 1986 version--“I may not have survived but I am still alive”--but there is no implication of reincarnation. Each woman is her own woman. This version has a final verse that the previous versions lacks. The singers harmonize. It’s not a song where one voice replaces  another, the story of this One Man progressing through time. It ends in a chorus of women saying “We are still alive.” 
We are The Highwomen Singing stories still untold We carry the sons you can only hold We are the daughters of the silent generations You sent our hearts to die alone in foreign nations They may return to us as tiny drops of rain But we will still remain
And we'll come back again and again and again And again and again We'll come back again and again and again And again and again 
Another fun fact! The first time I heard them sing “We are the daughters of the silent generations” I died! But luckily I came back again and again and again.  
This is a song about the continuity of history. It asserts that women’s historical lives matter and that they continue to matter, long after they died. This is a song about legacy as well, the legacy of nameless women who worked to protect the ones they loved and make the world better. They don’t die by chance. They are all hunted down by political violence, by racism, by misogyny, for stepping outside their prescribed roles. But, as Yola (who btw fucking CRUSHES THE VOCALS ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? HOLY SHIT MA’AM) sings as a murdered Freedom Rider, she’d take that ride again. And at the end of the song, she joins the chorus but does not disappear into it. Her voice rises up out of crowd. And the crowd calls itself “we”. These women are united but not subsumed into being One Woman. This is about Women. 
And then, outside the song itself, there’s the history of this song about history. It’s originally by Jimmy Webb and was covered by Glenn Campbell. This cover inspired the name of the supergroup that covered it, the group with Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and my man Johnny Cash. And it’s like holy shit! What an amazing group to collaborate! Hot damn! 
Then, it’s 2019 and here’s The Highwomen with Brandi Carlile, Natalie Hemby, Maren Morris, and Amanda Shires. The name is obviously riffing on The Highwaymen. Shires set out to form the group in direct response to the lack of female country artists on the radio and at festivals. And they name themselves after a country supergroup, and they put out this song, a song connected to massive names in country music, and they center all of this on women and womanhood and the right of women to be counted in history and to make history and to talk about the ways we have mistreated and marginalized women, in a group that started because one woman was like hey! we’re mistreating and marginalizing women! 
I just think this is neat! I think there’s a lot here we could unpack! But this post is 100 times longer than I was planning and work starts in a bit so uh I’m gonna go get dressed and listen to The Highwomen on repeat for the next hour, “Heaven is a Honky Tonk” is another fucking bop that improves on the original, it would be dope if they’d collab with Rhiannon Giddens, okay byyyyyyyye 
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starrybethany · 4 years ago
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Clayton Keller: Part 1
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Word count: 2408
Debbie. Fucking Debbie.
Jesus Christ, why did it have to be Debbie and not Chris? I would take Chris over Debbie every day, at least he doesn’t judge me when I get my rent money in a few days late. I’m a poor college student paying the rent by herself, give me a break.
“What’s up?” I ask, swinging the front door to my apartment open.
“Hi Y/N,” Debbie sends me a fake smile. “I’m just here to remind you that your rent is due in a week.”
“I have it written down, Debbie.”
“Oh,” she actually appears to be shocked. Is this bitch serious? Does she really think that little of me? Well, I haven’t given her much faith to have in me, though... “Well, just don’t forget to give it to me or Chris.”
“I know.”
She gives me another fake smile. “Have a great night, Y/N.”
“Yep, bye.” I close my door, rolling my eyes at the judgemental, middle-aged woman. “Fucking bitch,” I whisper under my breath, making my way to the living room to take a seat on the couch.
Okay, I do see why she’s concerned, though. I have been turning my rent money in late over the past couple of months but that’s just because of my lack of employment. I’m struggling to find a job that’s flexible enough that will work with my class schedule since I’m taking more credits next semester than I ever have before. This means that I have to use the little money I have saved up for rent. That money’s running out fast, though, so I have to find a job right now.
I scroll through the list on Indeed, sighing at all of the minimum wage jobs. None of those will be able to help me afford my apartment and I can’t move even if I wanted to. Every apartment in Glendale is expensive as hell and this apartment is close enough to my college that I’m able to walk to class instead of having to spend money on a car or a bus pass.
I apply for a couple of jobs anyway, figuring that I could always pick up two minimum wage jobs, despite how much I would hate it, and reluctantly check my email.
The government sent me an email an hour ago letting me know that my FAFSA has been submitted and I groan out loud, resting my head in my hands. How am I supposed to save money to pay back my student loans when I don’t even have the money to afford an apartment now?
I really have no clue what I’m going to do and all I want to do right now is drink away my troubles. I check my phone to see how long ago my friends told me they were on their way to come over to get ready and pick me up to go out to the club.
This is a long overdue night out.
I scroll through Instagram until there’s a knock at my apartment door and screams letting me know that it’s locked. I roll my eyes, standing up from my spot at the kitchen table and making my way towards the front door, opening it.
“I know it’s locked, dumbasses, Debbie was just here and I didn’t want her to knock the door open asking for rent money again,” I explain, letting my friends in.
“Just offer to eat her out instead of paying for rent next month,” Tyler recommends.
“Can you imagine? Debbie would pass out if you said that to her,” Besty giggles before walking down the hall towards my bedroom.
“Is that what you’re wearing to the club?” I eye Tyler’s T-shirt and sweatpants.
“Girl, did you really just ask me that?” He practically buries me with his eyes as we follow our other friend to my bedroom.
“What are you wearing tonight, Y/N?” Betsy asks, pulling random articles of clothing out of my closet.
“Why? Are you trying to figure out which of my clothes you want to wear?” I stand in front of the closet with her.
She sends me a cheeky smile. “Maybe.”
“I’m definitely wearing this top,” I pull out the gold crop top. “And then some ripped jeans and my metallic blue vans. You can choose anything except those things.”
“Thank you,” she sings, pulling out clothes to look at.
I get dressed, throw my hair in a messy high ponytail and rest a gold chain around my neck.
“Who’s paying for drinks tonight?” I ask, walking into my bathroom to start my makeup.
“I’ll pay if you do my eyeliner,” Tyler offers, lying on my bed and playing on his phone since he finished getting dressed a long time ago.
“Get over here, then,” I order, pulling out my liquid eyeliner. I do his makeup carefully, directing his gaze towards the mirror to examine it.
“It looks great, thanks, babe,” Tyler sends himself a kiss in the mirror and I laugh, beginning my own makeup.
Two hours later we’re ready to go and stumbling down the sidewalk, some alcohol already in our systems from pregaming.
We’re all buzzed but not drunk yet, wanting to wait until we at least get to the club so we would be able to walk there. The bouncer lets us in the club with one glance, noting our slutty clothing and deciding we’re good enough to be let into the high class club.
The pounding music shakes the tiled flooring as we shoot straight to the bar, Tyler ordering us several glasses of shots and a variety of mixed drinks.
“Put it on my tab,” he yells over the bass to the bartender as she sets the tray down in front of us. I can barely hear his words over the feeling of the alcohol burning my throat as I take the shot of Jack Daniels.
“Dibs,” I call, reaching for the Sex on the Beach. The liquid sloshes out of the drink a little as I pick it up, the alcohol already taking over my system.
Betsy lets out a whine in protest at the same time she reaches for the Old Fashioned so I ignore her, directing my attention to the dance floor.
It’s honestly busier than I expected, which shouldn’t be surprising since it’s a popular spot for people to go to on a Saturday night. The dance floor is practically overflowing with people but if anything, it makes me want to jump in and go on a treasure hunt for the cutest boy to hook up with. I need a break from thinking and an attractive man is the perfect solution for that.
My vision sways as I stand up from the stool, setting the empty glass on the bar’s countertop before dancing my way over to the crowd. I enter besides a group of cute girls and they drunkenly invite me to dance with them, so there’s just five of us girls stumbling around and yelling together.
When I’m exhausted, I let out a loud giggle and move towards the center of the dance floor, closing my eyes and throwing my hands up in the air in carelessness and freedom. My body moves along to the beat of the music, the liquor swimming through my veins keeping me from caring about how I appear.
Soft hands press to my bare waist, firm enough to keep me in place but loose enough to let me go if I want to leave the grip. I let them rest, leaning back to rest my back on his chest. With my eyes still closed and the lyrics to the song belting from the bottom of my lungs, I wrap my arms around the stranger’s neck, playing with the long hair at the bottom of his neck.
I feel the chuckle that he lets out vibrate through both his and my body and his hands travel towards my belly button, connecting together and pulling me closer towards him. I smile hazily, one hand traveling down to rest over both of his and turning my head towards his. I have to lean up to reach his face but I leave a sloppy kiss on his jaw, opening my eyes to see what he looks like.
I can’t see much through the strobe lights of the dance floor but from what I can tell, he’s cute. His hair is not short but not long, it’s more on the longer side of short hair, if that makes sense. But I like it, I like long hair. He has a few cuts on his face and I can’t help but wonder what from. By his calloused hands I can guess that maybe he has a dangerous job or hobby, like working in construction or doing boxing on the side.
I can see a hint of a chain under his shirt and I reach for it, tugging it out of his T-shirt. He watches as I examine the silver cross, stroking over it with my thumb.
Something moves out of the corner of my eye and I turn my head towards it, noticing Betsy waving a glass of a daiquiri, my favorite drink, at me. Tyler laughs from next to her as I immediately launch myself out of the stranger’s arms, pushing through the crowd clumsily as I make my way towards the bar.
“Just as I was starting to sober up,” I comment, climbing onto a barstool and taking the glass from Betsy.
“Who’s your friend?” Tyler asks, his eyes twinkling in amusement.
“Oh, I don’t know.” I sip on the beverage while moving along to the song, watching as Tyler leaves to talk to some cute guy at the other end of the bar.
“Will you be okay if I leave you here by yourself?” Betsy finally asks after exchanging seductive glances with some guy on the dance floor.
“Betsy, please,” I stir my second daiquiri. “You deserve to get laid tonight, go.”
“If you need me, come get me,” she orders.
I roll my eyes, calling after her, “I won’t!”
I start to enter my thoughts as I notice someone sitting down on the stool next to me. I don’t look over at the person, focused on counting how many drinks I had tonight.
He coughs, then says, “Hey.”
I glance over at him and my eyes are instantly drawn to the cross dangling from his neck. It’s the guy I danced with earlier.
“Hey.”
“You were dancing with me earlier,” he states, jutting with his thumb towards the dance floor.
“I know,” I nod.
He flushes, nodding as well. “Oh.” He’s quiet. “So, uh, I’m Clayton.”
“Y/N,” I respond, sticking my hand out for a handshake.
He shakes my hand, sending me a small smile. Now that we’re in somewhat proper lighting, I can see what he looks like more, and dang, he is cute. I can tell now that his hair is a nice shade of brown and his eyes are this magnificent green color. I could stare at them forever and never be able to tell how many different shades and colors there are in his eyes.
“You from around here?” He asks, motioning the bartender over.
I nod and watch as Clayton puts in his order, turning to me. “Do you want another drink?”
“No, I’m good,” I reject.
He raises his eyebrows but nods, thanking the bartender for the beer. I like to play hard to get when it comes to boys. It makes the sex better.
“Who’s that?” I ask, nodding towards a blonde boy at the end of the bar.
Clayton turns to look, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. “That’s my teammate. Why?”
“He keeps looking at us,” I take the final sip of my daiquiri. “Teammate?”
“Yeah I play for the Arizona Coyotes.”
“Oh, hockey.”
“Have you ever been to a game?” He questions.
“Yeah, I went on a date once and then you guys lost and my date got pissed so he ditched me in the middle of the arena,” I explain.
“Oh that sucks. I mean, I wouldn’t be with you at the game obviously but I’d love to take you out on a date after a game, if you would like,” he asks me out with a smile.
“No thanks,” I pass, watching as Tyler and the guy he was flirting with stand up from their stools. They’re probably going back to Tyler’s place to hook up now.
“What? Did you say no thanks?”
“Yeah I’ll pass on the offer, no offense. I’m just not looking for anything serious right now.”
A bunch of cash is thrown on the bartop in front of me and Tyler looms over me. “Money for the bar, and some extra for your rent next month. It’s not a lot but it’ll help until you get stable a bit, okay? And don’t you dare give it back, otherwise you’re paying for drinks next time when I plan to get blackout wasted. Oh, and don’t come over to my apartment for the rest of the weekend.” He winks, grabbing his hookup’s hand and leading him out the door.
I roll my eyes at Tyler, calling the bartender over to close his tab. Clayton watches as I pay the bill and shove the rest of the money into my pocket.
“You’re having trouble paying your rent, huh?” Clayton asks with a sigh, picking up his beer and swirling it around.
I give him a look. “Why do you care?”
“And you don’t want to be in a serious relationship but you want to have some fun,” he continues, “Looks like what you’re looking for is a sugar daddy.”
I scoff. “I don’t want to hop on some desperate sixty year old’s dick, Clayton.”
“Who said they had to be sixty? They could be, I don’t know, twenty one with seven million dollars to spend a year,” he responds.
“Seven million?” I almost choke.
“And maybe, that guy doesn’t know what to spend that money on but he sees a beautiful girl sitting in front of him and well,” he shrugs, maintaining eye contact while he takes a sip of his beer.
I narrow my eyes at him. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”
“Dead.”
“If you’re really offering to be my sugar daddy-””I am.”
“Be prepared. I’m high maintenance.”
37 notes · View notes
restlessmaknae · 4 years ago
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of high school & musicals
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You have the captain of the Busan High basketball team and the new student of his class, plus one very random karaoke night, and a whole new revolution at school is born.
♦ Pairing: basketball player!Taehyung x new student!Aera (OC)
♦ Supporting characters: BTS, EXO, GOT7, Red Velvet, APink, JYP cameos
♦ Genre: HSM AU (the main idea and some scenes are the same, but there are of course changes, especially with the ending), fluff, comedy
♦ Words: 13k
♦ A/N: I’ve had the idea for this story a couple of years ago, and I know Taehyung now fits the university AUs more, but I hope you enjoy this fun fic of mine. 💖
Kim Taehyung had been never fond of karaokes.
Especially not those typical karaoke nights on the last day of summer before the new school year would start. But if her mom was happy that she could send him off to have some fun – or at least, she thought so –, he was okay with it. Her mother was such a lovely woman and Taehyung loved her with all his heart because his family was his everything, and he himself was generally a very warm-hearted person who wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose, that’s why he showed up at this year’s karaoke night at a local restaurant.
Though the more he stayed there, the less he felt that he should have been there. He didn’t enjoy singing or listening to pop songs, he was more like the trot lover guy. Retro songs were still bops, right? On the other hand, it didn’t seem that the average high schoolers who took up most of the audience were of the same opinion because they didn’t ask for anything, except those typical boring songs that they constantly played on the radio.
The weird thing is that he was only a spectator and didn’t even intend to give karaoke a try but the enthusiastic MC literally dragged him onto the stage. He didn’t even have the chance to protest, it happened in a blink of an eye and there he was; Kim Trot Lover Taehyung with a microphone in his hand and a mysterious – but beautiful – girl by his side. The girl looked just as puzzled as him – if not more – and it didn’t take him long to realise that she must have been another victim of the annoyingly eager presenter’s hunting for volunteers.
“What is going on?” Taehyung managed a sentence out while his bluntness was evident on his face. He couldn’t help but knit his eyebrows together at the awkwardness of the situation; he – who had nothing to do with karaokes and who was the captain of the high school basketball team – was supposed to sing a duet with a girl he had never even seen in his whole life? What the hell was going on?
“I have no idea,” the pretty female mouthed and her rosy lips slowly curved into a coy smile. Taehyung was literally stunned by this fairy-like creature because he was sure that he had never seen anyone like her before. She had long, onyx-black hair and big doe eyes which were filled with childish twinkles that sparkled among the dark clouds on the sky of her orbs. Her cheeks were a bit rosy, so he assumed that she must have been embarrassed. Nevertheless, she looked indeed cute.
“I’m in love by Ra. D presented by our lovely newcomer couple comes up next! Please, give a round of applause for our newbies! Good luck!” The presenter announced abruptly and prompted the spectators to clap more and more until the cheers and conversations finally died down and there was complete silence for a moment.
Taehyung had never been so nervous in his life but right now he was so damn confused that he didn’t even know what to do. The girl was bouncing nervously as she looked around and came in sight with the white screen, presenting the next song’s lyrics. It was somewhat familiar to him but he couldn’t sing it wholeheartedly since the whole situation was incredibly odd for him.
Taehyung only sang under the showerhead and that’s why his mother sometimes complimented him for his good voice but he thought that it was just her mum being her usual proud mommy self, nothing more. So no, no thanks, he was sure that he wasn’t a born singer. He was a basketball player for God’s sake! Basketball players don’t sing. They just don’t.
Yet, standing on the stage with a complete stranger who seemed way more nervous than him, Taehyung didn’t want to let her down, so he decided to be the first one to start singing. To his amazement, it felt more and more natural as time went by.
He was sure that his deep and raspy voice sounded like a growling of a wolf’s but the audience didn’t seem to notice his lack of talent because they cheered more and more wildly. After his first part, it was time for the girl to show her skills and it would be an understatement to say that he was shocked. He was utterly shocked, absolutely out of words when he heard her voice!
It was so sweet and warm like honey and the way she pronounced the words was like a beautiful lullaby hummed by his mother. Her mellifluous voice reminded him of home and something that reminds you of home is definitely a thing that you are fond of. Taehyung fell for it the moment he heard her first words.
When they had to harmonise, he was afraid that it would sound totally rubbish but maybe it was because she was too talented to hide the fact that he was quite unskilled – to say the least -, it didn’t sound as awful as he had expected. On top of that, it felt surprisingly good to be her duet partner and he particularly enjoyed singing with her. He could forget about the fact that he wasn’t a singer while he was with her because she totally captured him. He was so lost in her already, he could only see her heart-shaped face and hear her angel-like voice. It was quite a magical moment, and it was over way too soon.
“Huh, that’s what I call a performance!” The presenter ran onto the stage as the song came to an end and grabbed Taehyung’s microphone, so that he could start his own one-man show. “Our newcomer couple was absolutely amazing! Maybe you’ll thank me one day because I’ve chosen you,” he looked directly at them and muttered the next few words. “Or not,” he shrugged his shoulder and elbowed Taehyung to get his attention and swiftly showed their way off stage.
Taehyung was so lost in his own thoughts that by the time he manoeuvred himself through the cheering crowd, the mysterious girl had already gone. He couldn’t just miss this opportunity, he had to find her!
He couldn’t sit still and wait for her to pass by again, so he went to search for her. He felt like it was the start of something new and he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t the only one who felt this way. Plus, he didn’t know this girl and it was quite surprising since he was the captain of the Busan Seagulls and thus he knew almost everyone at Busan High. 
So who could be this mysterious girl?
On the other hand, Ryu Aera she couldn’t believe her luck that she had met such an attractive guy the first day she had moved to Busan. It was peculiar, wasn’t it? She had never been that kind of girl who would go out partying and the first time she had given in to attend a karaoke night at a family-run restaurant, she had bumped into a cute boy with an amazing voice? Ah, she must have been daydreaming...
Though when their stage with the boy came to an end, something in her guts told her that it would the best if she left and never saw him again. So, she immediately scampered away and started walking back to her new home in an attempt to avoid bumping into Mr. Attractive. The further she got, the more relieved she felt.
Then, out of the blue, she felt a tight grip on her left arm and without giving much thought, she punched the stranger with her bag. The attacker could only let out an aghast whimper.
“Ouch!”
The familiar male voice exclaimed and when Aera came in sight with those beautiful almond-shaped eyes and that damn attractive grin, her hands flew to her mouth in panic.
“Oh my gosh! Are you okay?” she asked frantically, mentally giving herself a good slap for being such a scaredy-cat and attacking strangers, not even observing who they were.
Of course, that’s what her parents had taught her to do so, yet she felt utterly guilty as she looked at Mr. Attractive who managed to keep his cool and busied himself with brushing off the imaginary dust from his clothes.
“Of course, I’m okay. It’s nothing, I get hit by girls every single day,” he shrugged idly and a weak chuckle made its way past her lips to mask her anxiety.
“I’m really sorry. It was just self-defence.”
“I know, I know,” he raised his arms in defeat. “Girls really shouldn’t walk alone on these dark streets at this hour. I totally get why you slapped the guy whom you thought was a crazy pervert with your fairly heavy bag,” he babbled continuously and his humour was definitely one of a kind.
Aera felt a need to laugh out loud but she was too embarrassed to even say a single word, so she gave him a brief nod and sealed her lips tight. She saw as Mr. Attractive was eyeing her top to bottom and felt her cheeks heating up a bit when their eyes finally met. She noticed the gentle rise of his eyebrows but she couldn’t tell what exactly caught his attention. She was an average girl with that kind of girl-next-door personality and there was nothing remarkable about her appearance either.
The moment she bit her lower lip, his lashes fluttered and there he was again with his smug grin!
“So, Miss Black Belt, I must admit that I haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?” The stranger raised his eyebrows in question and the slight twinkle in his eyes made her heart flutter.
“Yeah, I’m new here. I just got here today.”
“Then, welcome to Busan! I’m sure you’ll have a great time here,” he shot her a huge smile and his hushed, hoarse voice sent shivers down her spine. There was something really captivating about this boy because every single time he opened his mouth to say something, she immediately felt the corner of her lips curving into a smile and her heart thumping, strumming strongly against her ribcage. Or maybe it was just a chain-reaction after their duet together, nothing else. After all, biology was everywhere.
She only nodded to his welcoming words, but she didn’t know what could she say that was appropriate in such a situation. However, the boy was quick to react instead of her.
“Oh, by the way, I’m Kim Taehyung,” he introduced himself kindly as reached his hand out politely and gave her a reassuring press when she replied to his handshake. His touch was as smooth as the cream on her favourite caramel macchiato, even though at first sight his hands seemed a bit rough. Maybe he was doing athletics or something like that because sporty guys usually had such strong yet delicate hands.
“Ryu Aera,” she did the same as she made an attempt to give him a brief but friendly nod.
They kept eyeing each other for a few moments, her getting immersed in his almost-shaped eyes, wondering whether it was possible that the moonlight above their head was really painting lines onto the canvas of his eyes. However, yet again, it was the unfamiliar boy who saved the two of them and the silence from becoming awkward.
“You were absolutely amazing back there! Perhaps, are you a singer?” Taehyung complimented her enthusiastically, and she couldn’t help but snicker hysterically at his assumption. She immediately waved her hands in front of her body, insisting that she wasn’t a very good singer, she was just enjoying doing it.
“Then how could you sing so well?” He looked at her, totally baffled. 
Taehyung put her into a predicament as even she didn’t know the explanation to his question. She had never been trained, nor had she attended an arts school but it seemed that she had developed a talent for singing. Or at least, everyone around her had said so but she had always shooed them away. Nonsense, she protested. She was a nerd, trying to balance between her studies and future goals, she had nothing to with singing!
“I could ask you the same,” Aera pointed out though, smoothly changing the topic from her singing to his amazing, husky voice.
“Wait, what? Me? As a singer? No way!” He howled in laughter until he saw a serious expression displaying on her face. Then, he cleared his throat and lifted his chin up. “No, I can’t sing,” he shook his head violently, but Aera could detect a hint of sorrow buried under his reply.
“Yes, you can!”
“No, I can’t!” He countered cockily and his reaction was so fervent that she assumed that Taehyung really believed his own words. Of course, his lack of talent was only a dull, flat lie but who was she to try to convince him to think otherwise?
“Anyway, I really enjoyed our duet. I thought that this karaoke night would be just another bunch of boredom but thanks to you, I had quite a good time,” he accentuated the word ‘you’ and looked like he was trying to pierce into her soul with his intense stare. Well, he made an excellent job as Aera was already under his spell and couldn’t do anything, except blushing and blushing even more.
It wasn’t until some passer-by bumped into her that she finally snapped back to her senses. She realised that they were still in the middle of the street, both stopped dead in their tracks and there were others around them. She inwardly cursed herself for being such a frivolous girl but who could blame her when she had just gotten to Busan and felt like she was finally at ease when she sang that duet with him? Before encountering Taehyung, she had felt so out of place but now, she felt like Busan was already a bit like home. He felt a bit like home.
“I’m sorry, but I must go now. I promised my mum that I would get back on time,” she stumbled upon her words as she came back to her senses, checking the time on her watch. It was already past the time she had discussed with her mother. Oh, she was in so much trouble! Staying out later on her first day in Busan? That’s minimum a week or two of doing the dishes and taking out the rubbish!
Upon hearing her words, Taehyung pouted like a little kid in front a candy shop but transformed back into his goofy self in a swift moment.
“And how about I’ll−”
“Thanks for everything. I hope you’ll have a great night!” Aera cut him off and even though the boy wanted to protest, he had no chance but to watch as her silhouette faded away in the abyss of the cheering crowd, her leaving as quickly as she had come into his life.
The first firework exploded right when she left him and that’s how he was left with only her sweet words that were floating around his ears and the picture of her heart-shaped face, cherry-like rosy lips, glistening charcoal orbs and her unfathomable, brittle and soothing voice. She was like a beautiful dream; she came without warning and didn’t even stay long. Only that lingering feeling that he felt after she had left reminded him that he had ever seen her.
Even though she was attending school for more than half of her life, she was just as nervous now as on the first day of school. Well, it was really her first day at Busan High but it felt unexpectedly odd. Like she wasn’t the part of the machine; everyone was busy chatting with their friends around their lockers and didn’t even care to glance at her when she walked by. She thought that nothing was worse than being noticed but she was dead wrong. It was much worse to be invisible. Students didn’t even want to answer her questions, even though she didn’t ask something like ‘what is the formula of ascorbic acid’ but basic things like ‘where can I find classroom 22’.
There was only one girl who was willing to help.
“I’m going there as well, so I’ll show you the way,” the short yet confident girl flashed her a friendly smile, small wonder why Aera’s shoulders immediately slumped in ease. “I’m Kang Seulgi,” the other girl started the introduction right away but instead of being nosy, Aera assumed that she was just curious. After all, she was a new student and Seulgi looked like someone who knew everybody there, so she introduced herself politely, directing a smile at Seulgi.
“I guess you’re our new classmate,” she prattled gleefully as they were walking towards that specific classroom and bobbed her head whenever someone familiar passed by. She really did seem like someone who knew half of the students here.
“Does everyone know that I’m already here?” Aera sneaked a glance at the other girl, a bit afraid of her answer. Seulgi merely rolled her eyes but her face slowly dissolved into an affectionate smile.
“Well, we live in the 21st century, so yeah, everyone knows. Probably the whole school knows by now.”
“Great!” she bellowed indignantly because she hated being the new student. Whether it meant that people looked down on her or totally ignored her, she hated playing the new nerd’s part. She was lucky that Seulgi didn’t run away when she encountered her, she couldn’t even imagine what could have happened if she hadn’t been there.
“You don’t need to worry as long as you see me. I know everything about the school, the gangs, the gossips, the teachers. My knowledge will definitely come in handy for you,” she offered as she playfully winked at her. Her witty reply perked her up a bit. So far, meeting Seulgi was the best thing that happened to her since she had come to Busan. Or wait… just the second best.
When they finally arrived at classroom 22, Seulgi confidently stormed into the classroom, leaving Aera with no chance but to go with her. She tailed after her like a puppy following its owner and emulated her action when she sat down – probably at her own table. She slid into a seat beside her and busied herself with packing out of her bag.
���Any questions?” Seulgi leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table and chin in her hands. 
Aera was pondering for a thought because she had so many questions but she had no idea which was sensible and which wasn’t. Instead, she looked down at the paper they had given to her at the administration office and started observing it. When she saw an unfamiliar name written on the paper, she felt a need to ask about who it was.
“Who is Park Jinyoung?”
“You mean THE Park Jinyoung? Mr. Park Jinyoung?” Seulgi furrowed her eyebrows in question and Aera would lie if she said that her statement didn’t confuse her.
“Why? Are there any guys by the name Park Jinyoung, except THE Park Jinyoung?” she inquired as she tried to mimic the other girl’s tone when she was talking about that said Park Jinyoung.
“Yeah, sure. There was also a cute senior named Park Jinyoung who had graduated last year,” Seulgi explained, spacing out for a moment when was asked about the other Park Jinyoung, but she couldn’t exactly say why. Maybe she had a crush on that guy? Who knew? “But Mr. Park Jinyoung is our homeroom teacher and the head of the drama department. Believe me, he takes drama way too seriously, so even if you’re just a little bit interested in musicals, he will immediately give you a role. Or probably two because they are out of members at the moment,” she muttered under her breath and used lively gestures to make her little introduction a bit more interesting.
“Are you in the drama club?”
“Oh dear, no way!” Seulgi shrieked in panic. What kind of question was that? She was literally hurt from even the idea of being a member of the drama club. “I have science club twice a week and I’m the captain of the Scholastic Decathlon Team, so that’s totally enough for me.”
 When she mentioned the science club, Aera’s heart started beating faster. It was her chance to get to know others better while focusing on her studies at the same time! And if it was arranged by Seulgi, she was sure that she would have a great time there.
“Can I join the science club, too?” she inquired, maybe a little too enthusiastic but she lowkey loved science. She wanted to be a doctor; to be precise, a pediatrician. She always loved kids and biology, so it was definitely the profession of her dreams. Although it would be a thorny road until she would be able to have her own clinic and cure those little kids, she wanted nothing more than to succeed in fulfilling her dream of becoming a pediatrician.
“Sure. I’d be happy if I finally had a seatmate,” Seulgi clapped her hands enthusiastically and grinned from ear to ear. From that moment on, she was her new best friend and vice versa.
In the next few minutes, Seulgi managed to tell her about almost everything and everyone in the school but there was one particular person Aera had already known.
“You see that guy over there with the messy ‘I woke up like this’ hair and cute little baby cheeks? Now, that’s−“
“Kim Taehyung,” she cut her off when Seulgi was giving a presentation on their classmates, detailed and honest with little comments based on her own opinion and experiences. Nevertheless, she didn’t need help with this particular guy; she already knew this one.
Aera’s heart literally stopped functioning for a moment when she caught sight of the smugly smirking boy who was joking and chatting with a group of other guys in the classroom. He was having fun and laughing out loud whenever someone told him a funny story about their days. She couldn’t believe her eyes, even though everything proved that it was him. His slightly curly, fluffy, chocolate-brown curls, his warm, sparkling, coffee-black orbs, his sharp jawline, his smear lips and his whole ethereal presence. She didn’t need to convince herself, it was definitely Kim Taehyung.
“Ah, so you already know him,” Seulgi said flatly, shrugging her shoulders and moving on with the introductions. “The redhead beside him is his best friend, Park Jimin. He’s like the leader of the nerd teasing squad. Seriously, don’t talk to him! He thinks that he’s funny but he’s actually not,” she continued while Aera let her eyes linger at the masculine boy who was currently dying of uncontrollable laughter. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw them together. Their happiness was definitely contagious.
“You find him attractive, don’t you?” Aera gave her new friend a look when she noticed how Seulgi looked at Jimin. It wasn’t the kind of stare that you display when you see someone you actually hate, it was more like an I’m-looking-at-my-secret-crush-but-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it look.
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Okay, maybe just a little but that doesn’t mean that I like him,” she admitted with an annoyed albeit resigned sigh because she had never good at acting. Maybe she did find him attractive, she just didn’t want to admit it so quickly.
“And... he’s Mr. Park Jinyoung,” Seulgi announced when a tall figure stepped into the room, holding a book in one hand and a collection of costumes in the other. Oh, he was apparently the drama teacher!
Aera should have said that she paid attention to the homeroom teacher but her eyes weren’t fixated on him but on someone else. And that someone else only caught sight of her when she really didn’t want to – during the time when she was secretly attending the new musical’s audition.
Kim Taehyung would swear by his favourite basketball that he didn’t intend to sneak a glance at the new musical’s audition, he merely walked by on his way to the sport lockers. The music prompted him to get closer to its source, but he wouldn’t have thought that he would see a familiar pretty silhouette there.
His jaw literally dropped when he saw Ryu Aera at Busan High, hiding behind a janitorial rolling cart while watching the one and only Jung twins who had been the main attractions of the musicals ever since they had started high school together.
“Peek-a-boo!” Taehyung jumped in front of the poor girl who subconsciously pushed the cart to him, in order to protect herself. The boy could only move out of its way thanks to his quick reflexes and the fact that he was faster than Aera’s hands.
“Oh my gosh, you startled me,” she yelped, placing her hands on her chest in relief. She drew a thick, shaking breath before she could pay more attention to him yet again.
“I can see that.” Taehyung giggled absent-mindedly and averted his eyes to the ongoing performance. The Jung twins were singing a quite catchy and upbeat song and it wasn’t hard to tell that they had a talent for it. Jung Eunji could hit those high notes just as well as a professional singer and Jung Hoseok could complement her well with his sweet tone and funky moves. He preferred dancing over singing but it wasn’t because of his lack of experience but rather because of the fact that the soon-to-be musical star had always been Eunji and not him. He didn’t seem to mind it though.
“What do you think about the so-called Jung twins aka Jung Eunji and Jung Hoseok?” Taehyung pointed to the performing duo, his eyebrows slightly raised in question. Aera was quite taken aback by the sudden question and looked a bit intimidated when she realised how good they were.
“They are really talented.” She gulped to cover up her anxiety but Taehyung could see her through. Although it was the second time they met – or so he thought because he didn’t know that Aera caught sight of him during homeroom class –, he could read her so well as if they had been friends for years. What to do when she was so easy to read? Everything was clearly written on her face.
“More than we were?”
“Of course,” she declared fervently but when she saw that he huffed slightly, she nervously started justifying her statement. “I mean, you are incredibly talented, maybe just as talented as the guy on stage but I’m sure that I’m not as good as her,” she objected violently because Eunji’s high notes definitely sent shivers down her spine. Oh, how she wished she could sing like her!
“Oh, come on! We both know that I can’t sing!” Taehyung confronted wearily but Aera had no idea why he said that. 
Seulgi mentioned something about a Christmas play where the Jung twins had been the main characters while others – such as Jimin and Taehyung – played minor roles and stated that the basketball player boys had been awful but she didn’t mention anything about the singing part. Maybe she should ask her someday.
“But you have such a beautiful voice!” Taehyung said in awe and made immediate eye-contact with her. His stare was dangerous; intense like lighting during a terrifying thunderstorm and searing like a first kiss after yearning after one another for a long time. Her knees immediately gave in and she also felt her cheeks turning scarlet-red. “Why don’t you try auditioning for the musical? I’m sure they would get you in.”
“No, it’s really not my cup of tea.” She shook her head with a bitter smile because although she would love to try, she knew that she couldn’t compete against the Jung twins. She wasn’t a singer after all, she was merely fond of humming songs when she was fed up with studying and wanted to have some rest. The older she got, the more she was keen on singing.
“Then why are you here?” the boy asked bluntly and she already opened her mouth to say something when she realised that she didn’t have an appropriate reason for watching the Jung twins’ audition. Instead, she decided to play cockily.
“I could ask you the same.”
“You always say this when you don’t want to answer my question,” Taehyung murmured with a lopsided grin. Aera let out a wholehearted chuckle.
“I was trying to find the women’s room but ended up finding the janitor’s closet, so I was on my way back to the corridor when I heard someone singing a song and curiosity dragged me here,” she shared her miserable story which sounded even more embarrassing when she said it out loud. New students always get lost at least once, right? “How about you?”
“I was going to basketball practice and the lockers are in this direction, so I had to pass by. And when I saw you, I wanted to make sure that you are Aera and it’s not just my imagination that deceived me,” he cutely scratched the back of his neck while his sweet words undeniably carried an enigmatic air that chilled Aera to the bones. How could Kim Taehyung be so eternally adorable while only talking about how he had ended up watching the audition with her? She didn’t know but she was sure that this guy was one of a kind.
“I’m−”
“Is there anyone who would like to give a performance?” Mr. Park Jinyoung exclaimed from the theatre room while they were still behind its entrance, so he couldn’t see how the two youngsters jumped in surprise when he raised his voice. “No, well, if not, then let’s call it a day! I’ll make sure that the parties involved are informed about the cast of the new show.”
Taehyung made an attempt to push Aera forward but she was too adamant to even take a step closer, so the drama teacher turned off the lights and left the room. Luckily, the boy came back to his senses before they could encounter Mr. Park Jinyoung and dragged her into the janitor’s closet when he noticed that the teacher was coming their way. He quickly closed the door and they soon fell into an awkward silence.
“Are you afraid of Mr. Park?” Aera whispered sheepishly.
“No. I just don’t want him to know that we were here, so that he wouldn’t start gossiping.”
“Oh, I see.” She giggled a bit upon hearing his words because she didn’t think there was anything that their homeroom teacher could gossip about. 
Yet, she felt a blush staining her cheeks pink when Taehyung’s arms accidentally brushed hers. The closet wasn’t even enough for one person to move comfortably, no wonder why they had to stand so close to each other. The fact that she heard his heartbeat made her alarmed because this way, Taehyung could also hear hers which was erratic as hell.
“Has he left?”
“Yeah, I guess.” The boy cleared his throat after looking out of the closet’s window for a bit and Aera swore that she saw a grin forming on his lips. But who knew, it was too dark to see anything properly.
“It’s clear now. We can go out,” he announced confidently as soon as he opened the door to let her out. He pouted a little when they got out of the closet and Aera didn’t exactly know why. He mustn’t have felt as anxious as her. Or at least, that’s what she thought so.
“I can’t believe that it’s my first day here and I’ve already been to the janitor’s closet.” She let out a childish chortle as she was brushing the dust from her clothes.
“To be honest, it’s my first time, too,” Taehyung donned a joyful grin and the two of them soon broke into little fists of laughter. He found solace in the melody of her laugh; it sounded like a heart-warming lullaby that parents sing to their kids in order to make sure that they sleep well. It was so reassuring that he felt like the weight was lifted off of his chest.
Suddenly, someone bumped into Taehyung and ruined their perfect bonding moment. He might have been more furious if he hadn’t known that it was Jeon Jungkook and Jeon Jungkook was so innocent that he couldn’t even kill a bug. Jungkook was his classmate – and now Aera’s, too – and he was also the composer and songwriter of Mr. Park’s musicals. He was a prodigy, they said, but due to their different interests, Taehyung had never actually had a conversation with him. Well, things are bound to change.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he apologised restlessly and even bowed three times before he started gathering his music sheets which he had accidentally dropped when he bumped into him. Aera and Taehyung both crouched down to help him, so it didn’t take him long to scoop himself – and his stuff – up.
“Is this the song we’ve heard before?” Aera asked adoringly, observing a sheet in her hands. She looked up from it to meet Jungkook’s eyes and Taehyung couldn’t help but feel like an outcast seeing their cosy scene. He didn’t want to say that he was jealous but… hell yeah, he was jealous!
The boy nodded feebly and looked like he desperately wanted to evaporate right then and there.
“It’s such a beautiful song.”
“The message is nice, too.”
“T-thanks,” he stammered after both of them completed his song which was undeniably lovely but the twins’ version was a bit too upbeat for his liking. He knew that he was just the songwriter but he didn’t exactly imagine his song to be performed the way Hoseok and Eunji had done so. However, he couldn’t do anything if Mr. Park liked it.
“Aera wanted to audition but she was too shy to say so,” Taehyung blurted out impudently and poor girl almost had a heart attack when she heard his words.
“Would you like to give it a try now?” Jungkook suggested, pointing at the piano on the stage. “I know you can’t get the part, but I’m curious how you would sing it,” he cutely tilted his head forward. The boy’s offer seriously flabbergasted her but she nodded without hesitation.
A few moments later, there they were again; on stage, together with Taehyung, singing a beautiful love song. She was blushing deeply while her heart was pounding a little too loud. Once again, she felt that kind of homey feeling when they were singing together. She couldn’t even suppress those smiles that were creeping onto her face while Taehyung’s smiles were so sickeningly sweet that she just wanted to sweep him into a bear hug. She felt lucky to be by his side and get lost in his beautiful, deep voice.
“Wow, that was amazing!” Jungkook whispered in awe after he had stopped playing the piano and gave them a thumbs-up. Aera bit her lower lip in embarrassment while Taehyung gave another one of his trademark grins. Such different ways to receive compliments. “I didn’t know that you two could sing so well,” he admitted with a timid half-smile but he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
There was a man listening to their duet from the theatre’s entrance who jotted their names down on his list with a mischievous smile forming on his lips.
So many things happened to Aera on her first day of school. She had met Seulgi, gotten a quite detailed description of the school and her classmates, secretly watched the winter musical’s audition and even bumped into Taehyung whom she had sang another duet with. What a day!
It wasn’t even over because after a nice little chat with Jungkook, Taehyung offered that he would walk her to the bus stop. He stated that it was only because she was new and he wanted to make sure that she hops on the right bus. Still, Aera felt nervous little butterflies in her stomach the moment they started walking on the streets and she became more and more thrilled as time went by. She wasn’t usually like this but there was something about Taehyung that made her feel like a stupid school girl chasing after her long-time crush.
“I was so surprised when I saw you at school today. I didn’t know that you would be our new classmate,” Taehyung broke the silence before it would get even more nerve-wrecking and awkward. Her lips curved into a proud smile upon hearing his words.
“Well, my mom got transferred to Busan due to her job, so we moved here,” she explained with a nod. “And I also didn’t know that you attend the same school as I do.”
“To be precise, you attend the same school as I do because I was here first,” he corrected her, childishly sticking a tongue out at her. She gently nudged his shoulder in response.
The sudden skinship left her with a lingering feeling and she had to admit that she wanted more. It was so pleasant being around Taehyung because he was so easy-going that Aera couldn’t even believe that it was their second encounter. She already felt like they had known each other for a long time. Still, she was perfectly aware of the fact that there was so much more to Kim Taehyung and there was so much more that she didn’t share with him.
“And I also didn’t know that you’re the captain of the basketball team. How long have you been playing basketball?” she inquired, finally falling into step with him who had fun walking faster in order to annoy her. He was such a buffoon.
“I don’t even know,” he pondered for a thought while his eyes were staring far ahead. “It feels like I’ve been doing it since I was born. I remember the first time when I’ve gotten a basketball and I was approximately 5 around that time. I just fell in love with the tension, the energy and the speed. I never got bored of it because it helped me to relieve stress as I got older,” he admitted, his voice trailing off at the end.
Aera had never seen him like this before; not being that goofy guy who wanted nothing more than to play with her and take advantage of her petite figure. He was severe this time, his caramel-brown eyes hinting at his seriousness.
“Would you like to be a professional basketball player one day?”
“Why? Am I not a professional basketball player?” He mimicked her curious tone on purpose and received another amused eye-roll from Aera. “Yeah, I’d love to. But it depends on how well I perform next year. The scholarship is based on our scores during senior year.”
“I’m curious how you play,” she remarked as she smiled cryptically, eyes twinkling with mirth. It was so fun to imagine him playing at the basketball field in usual sportswear, not just his casual baggy clothes and worn Converse shoes. “I can’t imagine you running up and down, chasing a ball and using tricky tactics to deceive your opponent.”
“I can reassure you that I look totally awesome while chasing a ball and using tricky tactics to deceive my opponent,” he quoted her exact words with a cheeky smirk that made her cheeks burn up a bit. Taehyung surely knew how to behave around a lady and Aera could have said that she actually mind it. Yet, she didn’t.
“I don’t care about looks. The thing is that you have to enjoy it,” she pointed it out but Taehyung was up for another round of endless teasing. He suddenly came to a halt and his hands flew up to his mouth as if he had been totally shocked.
“So you say that I’m not attractive?” He huffed with his mouth agape. She waved her hands dismissively.
“No, I didn’t say anything like that.”
“So you say I am?”
“I didn’t say that either,” she pointed out playfully and shook her head in disbelief. Taehyung was really something; she hadn’t laughed this much for a long time. Plus, instead of playing the new student’s role, she finally felt like she was worth more than just the fact that she had moved to Busan a few days ago. All thanks to Taehyung.
They soon fell into a comfortable silence as their laughs died away and they slowly approached the bus stop. The timetable said that her bus would come in 5 minutes, so the boy decided to keep her company until he made sure that she got home safely.
“Now, how about you? What do you want to do in the future?” Taehyung asked, taking a step closer to her due to the amount of passengers waiting for the bus. His close presence made her slightly cringe but it wasn’t that kind of terrifying cringe that you feel when you’re watching a horror movie. No, it was more like watching a little snowflake dancing in the winter storm, beautifully spinning round and round.
“I would like to be a pediatrician,” Aera declared confidently. She assumed that Taehyung’s eyes would widen in surprise because people don’t usually think that she would like to be a doctor. Nevertheless, he didn’t make any stupid preconceptions and she was so thankful for that.
“Ah, pediatricians are cute!”
“What? You have a thing for pediatricians?” She didn’t bother hiding her amusement because she thought that it was cute that Taehyung believed that pediatricians were cute. 
“I just say that it’s nice how they can take care of children and be patient with them. I really appreciate them since my mom is also one of them,” he blurted out and gave her a sheepish smile. He wasn’t ashamed of his mum’s profession because he was already thankful for the fact that he had such a lovely family. Whenever he thought about his mom, he felt a pleasant kind of warmth in his chest. Aera could also sense his affection and squealed a little inside when she saw how lovingly Taehyung talked about his mom. It was always nice to see such filial sons.
“Oh really? How lovely!” Aera exclaimed enthusiastically. “You couldn’t have had a hard time visiting doctors when you were young.”
“I was my mom’s favourite patient,” he grinned wickedly and the girl felt the need to smack him in the chest to distract him from her blushing face. He was just too adorable to be real.
Luckily or not, Aera’s bus arrived, so they had to bid their goodbyes. For the first time that day, she didn’t know what to say nor do because they had only met for the second time and it wasn’t that they were friends either. She couldn’t tell what they meant for each other but she was sure that it was still early for a hug or something, thus she decided to wave in his direction and left with a casual See you tomorrow.
Taehyung immediately felt a pang in his chest when her bus disappeared around the corner. He didn’t find the right words to say when it was time to say goodbye but he wanted to share so much more with her. For example, he wanted to thank her for being so understanding and not judging him for his looks or his interests. He wanted to thank her for making him laugh and smile and for singing with her. He was suffocating from prejudice and she was his reason to breathe again. She was his oxygen and he didn’t want to stay away from her. 
Not today, not anymore.
Being the captain of the Busan Seagulls meant that he had to be the most responsible and approachable person in the team. However, Kim Taehyung was everything but responsible.
He was a carefree, youthful kid, trying to make the most of his high school years and spending as much time with his friends as possible. His best friend – Park Jimin – was always up for a fun little basketball match with just the two of them, sharing secrets and hilarious stories with one another because that’s how they bonded together; during sports, with only a few words exchanged, avoiding getting too emotional. Because guys are manly, not mushy!
As the leader of the basketball team, he had several duties. One of them was to welcome the new members such the super tall guy – Park Chanyeol – who was more enthusiastic chasing the ball than actually using it to score a goal.
“Are you sure that you want to have him in the team?” Jimin raised an eyebrow in question, slightly judging the younger yet much taller guy. It was still a mystery how Jimin could be such an excellent player with his height but he said that it was because he was faster than he actually seemed. Well, Taehyung couldn’t argue with that.
“Well, newbies are always welcome.” Taehyung shrugged. “Plus, we need an extra member because someone has to be the rocket man, right?” he nudged his friend’s shoulder while they exchanged knowing looks. It was their little joke to call those guys the rocket guys who were mostly just warming up on the bench and not participating in the game itself.
They were standing beside the court, watching the newbies practicing and warming up in order to show their skills. Taehyung could rest a little until their coach was coordinating the members and writing down the new members’ names.
That’s when the cream of the crop – also known as Min Yoongi, the living legend of the Busan Seagulls – rushed into the gym, literally fuming. He was undeniably the best player in the team, his reflexes were quick and he was quite tricky when it came to deceiving his opponents. His moves were so graceful yet so precise, he was a born basketball player whose name was known by all who was familiar with this sport. However, the thought had never crossed his mind that he would like to be the captain of team because he didn’t want to take on any responsibilities. He claimed that he enjoyed playing but he wasn’t good at motivating and coordinating a team.
“Hi, Yoongi!” Jimin welcomed him with a huge smile. “What’s with that face of yours?” he inquired, looking at the frowning guy who wrinkled his nose in annoyance.
“Mr. Park stopped me on the way to ask about the winter musical. God knows why he thinks that I would do the part of the angel.”
“The what?” Taehyung snickered half-heartedly. He had no idea that Mr. Park was planning to involve such characters. If he had known, he would have never made an effort to sing that song two days ago, on the day of the audition. The song was incredibly good as it was Jeon Jungkook’s work but he could have known that Mr. Park’s ideas were far more eccentric than he could have ever guessed.
“The angel,” he repeated as he clenched his teeth and it almost sounded like he had spat some nasty words in spite of the fact that he was only talking about angels. “He wants to get somebody to dress up as an angel and stand beside the main couple to show that they are indeed a match made in heaven.” He rolled his eyes impatiently and a huff of air left his nose in disbelief. 
Giving them a final glare, Yoongi swiftly excused himself and headed to the lockers. As soon as he left, Jimin couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore, he guffawed so hard that he almost had to shed a tear.
“Can you just imagine Yoongi as an angel? With the halo and wings and totally white clothes? Oh my gosh, I just can’t!” He clutched his chest in an attempt to control his laughter but he couldn’t do it; he got the giggles.
“Why would Mr. Park need an angel in the musical?” Taehyung pondered for a thought, ignoring his friend’s enthusiastic reaction. As the weird man he was, he could still come up with pretty enjoyable musicals but to have an angel in the musical? The older he got, the more interesting cast he wanted, it seemed so.
“I don’t know, man,” his best friend remarked and literally wiped a tear away with his thumbs. “Why did he need trees in the Christmas play when we were there?” he wondered, finally getting his grip together.
“I have no idea,” Taehyung mused, shaking his head as it was still a question to him. He knew that the school hadn’t had enough money for equipment back then, so that’s why they had had to dress up as trees, candles and stars for the Christmas play. “Do you know anything about the winter musical?”
The words rolled off his tongue unknowingly, causing the other boy to stare at him in confusion.
“Do I look like someone who’s interested in musicals?” he paused for a moment to emphasise the fact that he wasn’t in the least interested in the drama teacher’s next attempts. “Oh please, since we broke our arms, I don’t even want to hear the word ‘musical’. So no, I don’t know anything apart from what Yoongi had said. Why do you ask?”
“I was just curious,” Taehyung muttered under his breath. Although he had sang that song with Aera, he didn’t know anything about the musical, nor its cast or concept. Not like he would watch it or any stupid thing like that, he was merely a nosy person.
There was an awkward silence which he really wanted to break but his tongue was completely tied. He knew what his best friend was thinking concerning musicals and he didn’t believe that it would be a sensible idea to broach up the topic again. Jimin wasn’t the type who would make stupid preconceptions but after that iconic Christmas play, he wouldn’t like to get involved in that drama nonsense again.
To his amazement, his best friend was the first to fill in the silence.
“To be honest, it’s always about the Jung twins, so even if I wanted to watch it, I don’t think it would make me satisfied. They are good, that’s for sure, but obviously they can’t play lovers and Mr. Park writes nothing but romantic stories.”
“So, would you be interested if somebody else got the role and not the Jung twins?” Taehyung inquired suddenly and he was so proud that he asked about his side of the story because Jimin nodded in agreement.
“I would give it a try.”
Taehyung was taken aback by his confident answer since there wasn’t a hint of mockery, nor amusement in his voice. He was serious this time and it motioned him to test the waters.
“Actually, I−”
“Guys, get ready!” The coach’s exclamation cut him off and the ongoing conversations soon died down. “We start with six laps around the school,” he stated rather flatly.
Soon, the gym was filled with childish yammering and everyone started whining at the same time. The two friends weren’t the only ones who had no intention of jogging outside in January, right after the refreshing winter break.
“Ah, come on!” Jimin flung his arms in the air. “Outside? Again?”
“Coach wouldn’t seem to get bored of it...” Tae rolled his eyes and looked at his best friend as if they had been the most miserable duo on Earth.
Whatever the case might be, one thing gave hope for Taehyung. Maybe, just maybe, if he survived the six laps, he could encounter Aera and talk with her again. That was what gave him strength for the rest of the football practice.
The first science club meeting was anything but boring.
Seulgi confidently took the lead as she was the captain of the Scholastic Decathlon Team and everyone else followed her instructions well. The always talkative and joyful girl suddenly became a strict yet diligent teacher and the other students were her enthusiastic little pupils.
To tell the truth, Aera was shivering the whole time like a leaf falling from the branches because she was so thrilled to be there. She finally felt like she was a part of something – a part of a community. Not to mention that their community couldn’t have been better. There she was with Miss Science Goddess – Kang Seulgi –; a quiet yet gentle senior – Kim Joonmyun –; a bubbly chatterbox – Park Sooyoung –; the bookworm – Jeon Wonwoo –; a guy who nobody knew why was there – Yook Sungjae – and last but not least, Kim Namjoon whose IQ was 148, higher than anyone’s in the room and the majority of people in the whole world.
They all welcomed her affectionately but Namjoon was the one who even decided to keep her company while Seulgi was tutoring Sungjae. At first glance, he seemed quite intimidating and Aera had no idea how to approach him without embarrassing herself or receiving disgusted flinches. Nevertheless, Namjoon casually took the seat beside her and started a conversation with the slightly nervous girl.
“Hi! I’m Kim Namjoon.” He hopped down, a gummy smile casted on his face. “Sorry for just storming into here but that is actually my seat,” he mentioned as he pointed to where Aera was sitting. When she started clearing his things away, he fiercely protested.
“No, no, you don’t have to go! That’s not what I meant. You can stay!” He raised his arms in defeat. She hesitantly sank into her seat again, her fingers toying with the woollen of her favourite sweater. Gosh, she was such a sheepish little school girl when it came to meeting strangers! “You looked so surprised when I showed up, I thought it would be better if I explained why I sat beside you.”
“Oh, alright,” she hummed to herself and inwardly cursed herself for being awkward 75% of the time. She wasn’t awkward around Taehyung, though, so it couldn’t have been because of boys. She was merely shy until she felt comfortable around people. “I’m Ryu Aera,” she introduced herself and made an attempt to flash a friendly smile at the boy who immediately smiled back at her.
He seemed really friendly, proceeding to ask about her impressions about the school so far, and trying his best to make her comfortable. No wonder with Namjoon by her side, it wasn’t as difficult to talk as she had first thought that it would. He was an excellent companion and also a prominently intelligent guy. They solved plenty of tasks together, laughing and telling stories in between the practice tests and the more time they spent together, the more she got to know about him and the whole school. Seulgi was busy assisting others with their tasks, so when Namjoon broached up the winter musical subject, Aera couldn’t let her chance slip.
“Seulgi mentioned something about a Christmas play where all of you were involved. Was it also a musical directed by Mr. Park?” she inquired, cautious of asking about the basketball duo for the time being.
“Not really.” He shook his head with a low hum, playing with his pen absentmindedly. “It was a present for our teachers for Christmas but turned out to be a total catastrophe in the end, that’s why Mr. Park holds auditions nowadays. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself with putting on a show with people like me or the basketball team.”
“Why? Were the students that bad?” She knitted her eyebrows together in question because although she didn’t know about Namjoon’s acting skills, he assumed that if he tried his best, he could make the most out of everything. He seemed like that kind of diligent student.
“I didn’t do anything extraordinary. To be precise, I was a tree and so were Taehyung and Jimin but they also had to sing. Dancing and singing at the same time with their tree costumes on… well, it wasn’t an easy thing to do,” he paused for a moment, letting the story settle in her mind. Aera couldn’t help but giggle, imagining Taehyung and his friend in – probably junior high school student-styled – tree costumes, singing and goofing around the stage. They must have been a pretty spectacular sight. “They fell off stage and ended up breaking their arms,” he finished the story with a sympathetic smile on his face, leaving her with no choice but to be appalled.
“Oh my gosh, how horrible!” Aera croaked in horror. She obviously didn’t see such an unexpected ending coming.
“Well, it was horrible for them and after everyone got to know about their accident, they were the source of entertainment for the next few weeks.”
“It must have been hard for them,” she flinched disgustedly. She hated nothing more than people who believed that making fun of others was supposed to be their priority, and seemingly Namjoon was of the same opinion, so she decided to broach up a more pleasant topic without mentioning the Christmas play again.
However, now she had a better understanding of what had happened in the past, so when they bumped into Taehyung and Jimin while they were walking back to their homeroom after the science club meeting, she directed a bittersweet smile at Taehyung despite the fact that he probably didn’t know why she was displaying such a smile.
“Hey, guys! Hey, Aera!” Taehyung bounced in high spirits when they literally ran into each other and looked down at the blushing girl. His cocky smile was motioning her to give him a good slap for grinning so proudly but he was lucky because she loved that smile of his too much. And his boyish features, of course.
“Hi everyone! Hi, Aera!” Jimin came to a halt beside him and eyed the little group one by one. Then, he suddenly narrowed his eyes and looked at his best friend, totally baffled. “Aera?! Wait, what? Who’s Aera?” he stammered, shaking his head like he was awakening from a dream. His eyes almost popped out of his skull.
“Jimin, let me introduce you to Ryu Aera, our new classmate,” Taehyung explained and pointed to the girl who bobbed her head in a friendly manner. “Aera, he’s my best friend, Park Jimin,” he added, casually slinging his arm around his mate’s shoulder who finally puzzled up the words he had said.
“Oh, hi! Nice to meet you.”
“You, too,” she smiled brightly, trying to leave a good impression on him. After all, he wasn’t just a guy, he was Taehyung’s friend. His best friend, to be precise.
There was an awkward silence after the spontaneous introduction, leaving everyone a bit embarrassed. Several seconds passed by with Taehyung and Aera gazing at each other, secretly exchanging messages without others knowing. It was odd how they had met with each other’s friends only now, but they weren’t late in any aspect.
They weren’t the only ones who met each other’s eyes though.
“Oh, Seulgi, you’re here, too,” Jimin pointed out the obvious and feigned a chuckle when she caught sight of the girl. Seulgi merely rolled her eyes in response, the same kind of denial coming back that she had displayed when she had been talking about Jimin to Aera.
“Jimin…” She let out an agitated sigh and stared back at the basketball player. She glared at him as if he had been the Devil himself while Jimin was donning his trademark eye-smile, much to her annoyance. He knew very well that she hated it, she hated him being like that, she hated that smirk on his face. Yet, he still did it because he enjoyed teasing her. Small wonder why they were tempted to bite off each other’s heads whenever they happened to be in the same room.
“Then, you must have joined the science club, right?” Jimin looked at Aera sideways, ignoring Seulgi on purpose. If anything, that seemed to annoy the other girl even more.
“Yes, I did,” she responded giddily, yet when he asked about it and she mentioned solving tasks with Namjoon, Taehyung sucked in a deep breath beside his best friend. Jimin immediately sensed the tension in the air and elbowed the other guy to get his attention. When he turned his head to look at him, Jimin had to get his grip together as his best friend’s stare was way too deadly. Oh boy, there was love in the air!
“That’s great! I’m happy to hear that,” Jimin laughed it off but it was only an act out of anxiety. His intention was way too obvious. “But we really need to go know. It was nice meeting you, though. I hope we’ll get to talk some more,” Jimin gave them a thumbs-up and shoved Taehyung to get as far from the duo as possible.
He didn’t want his best friend to seem like the jealous type, but he definitely was, because once he took interest in someone, he became very clingy and he wouldn’t let go easily. He might have been a calm and well-composed person in general but when it came to the matters of the heart, he could fight until the very end, and Jimin wanted him to seem like a good guy who wouldn’t start asking nosy questions or suspecting that Aera and Namjoon were already dating, so he needed to save Taehyung from embarrassing himself. As his best friend, it was his duty.
Thankfully, as days went by, Taehyung seemed more relaxed and reassured around the girl, and even though it meant that he was spending a bit more time with someone other than Jimin, Jimin didn’t mind because he was trying to occupy Seulgi on the other hand who still didn’t appreciate his behaviour and his frequent smirks, but he wouldn’t stop for god’s sake because it was so fun teasing her.
That’s how the four of them actually started becoming closer, so when the day came that literally shook the whole class, the four of them were actually walking side by side from their homeroom class to science class when a random classmate of them ran up to the little group, congratulating Taehyung on getting a role for the winter musical.
“Wait, what? Dude, when did you even audition?” Jimin exclaimed frantically, not believing his eyes until they got to the huge notice board in the hall near the entrance where announcements were posted including the casts for the musicals.
Taehyung exchanged a glance with Aera who was just as baffled as he was to see both of their names on the piece of paper, getting the roles that would allow them to sing the song they had previously sang for Jungkook and the empty theatre hall. Or so they had assumed that it had been empty, but they highly doubted that it had been Jungkook who had convinced Mr. Park to let them have the roles.
“I don’t know how it happened. We just sang Jungkook’s song with Aera, and I guess Mr. Park heard it and thought that we would want to be in the musical?” Taehyung concluded with a questioning tone, quite unsure of it himself.
He had never been part of an actual big musical like this because the Christmas play had been rehearsed during homeroom classes with his classmates but this… the notice board said that the practices would be from 5pm to 6pm every Tuesday and Thursday and there were only 15 people accepted as cast members, so it was definitely a bigger thing than the Christmas play.
Needless to say, the news got to the Jung twins fast enough, and the four of them managed to be at the notice board when they arrived, Eunji making a fuss right immediately.
“That was supposed to be my role, and now someone who isn’t familiar with the world of theatre dares to snatch that role from me, letting me have only a minor stage!” Eunji exclaimed frantically, fuming from the inside. She didn’t seem to care that Aera was beside her even though she dared to speak up in the next moment.
“Look, I didn’t want to snatch that role from you. It wasn’t so that you would have a minor role,” she tried to clarify herself, but the other girl wasn’t having any of her explanation. She turned to her, evident fury painting her cheeks burgundy red, her eyes darting diggers in her direction.
“I’ve never had a minor role in my whole life! My first ever role was also as Alice in Alice in Wonderland, so I hope you’re proud of yourself for making me have anything less than the lead role!” Eunji practically spitted the words by this time, and just as quickly as she had appeared, she left the scene, her furious aura lingering around her.
Hoseok let out a forced chuckle as a witness to the outburst of his sister’s, and turned to face the little group that accumulated around the notice board.
“Hey! Don’t take it to heart! The only thing my sister is good at is singing, so whenever someone is just slightly better than her or has a bigger role than her, she feels threatened. But it’s just how she is, it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve it. Mr. Park probably chose you two for a good enough reason,” Hoseok explained patiently, his radiant smile in totally contrast to his sister’s sneer and disgusted frown.
Now what Taehyung had said about Hoseok and Eunji started to make sense; the way Eunji had always been the brighter star out of the two of them and how she had also made it seem so, and how Hoseok had been okay with all of this. Probably he had already gotten used to her frantic responses, so he knew how to handle such situations.
“I really didn’t mean to hurt her,” Aera emphasised with a bittersweet smile, feeling Taehyung’s light pat on her shoulder.
“Yeah, I know, and don’t even feel bad! I’m sure you would do great though. I’m rooting for you two!” Hoseok cheered them on, balling his hands into little fists that he threw into the air as if he was rooting for someone at a competition.
“Thanks, man,” Taehyung said gratefully and did some kind of a handshake with the boy as if they had been best friends forever. Maybe it was just a boy thing, but anyway, Aera watched their scene with fondness and she also thanked the other guy for his support before he could disappear after his sister.
Then came the questions from their friends as they proceeded walking to science class. How long had they been singing? What song they had sang to pass the audition? Were they really all in for the musical? Truth to be told, their responses were overwhelming at first, but they realized that it was still better than if they had been judgemental. It was quite the opposite though; they were supportive, just a tiny bit surprised. They had no idea how it had all happened, but they promised to help them manage their after school activities if they really wanted to be in the musical.
Taehyung exchanged a glance with Aera, elevated eyebrows asking for confirmation. She hesitated only for a moment before giving in and nodding. The boy gifted her with the widest boxy smile possible, continuing to smile to himself during the science class even though he personally hated science. But looking at the ever so diligent and enthusiastic Aera jotting down notes and the fact that they were actually going to be in a musical together as the main leads were enough for him to keep smiling.
The practices went surprisingly well even though neither of them had been prepared for what the senior year stress meant with their own after school activities - basketball practice for Taehyung and science club for Aera - and then the school musical on top of that. They soon realized that it would be a bit too much anyway, so they gave this musical one shot and decided that it would be this one for the winter musical, but they would definitely not apply for the spring musical, so that Eunji could have her last big moment before probably being accepted at an arts university or something like that.
Being supported by their friends, the other cast members apart from Eunji who still couldn’t believe that she hadn’t gotten the lead role this time, and also being praised by Mr. Park himself helped immensely to make them feel confident and comfortable on stage despite the fact that they still didn’t believe that they had such good voices. The choreographies weren’t that difficult either, so they could memorize them easily and have fun with the execution.
Though with someone like Taehyung as her duet partner, nothing could be boring. He had a goofy, almost childish personality, and he had just the right combination of mischievousness and seriousness when it came to the actual practices. His relaxed mindset and positive attitude towards making mistakes helped Aera’s anxiety melt away, and time went by quickly with him by her side. She didn’t even remember if she had ever met anyone as fun as Taehyung had been, and his laughter and joy were definitely contagious. She often found herself sillily smiling to herself randomly while she was reading a text or when she remembered something the boy had told her.
Seulgi caught on her behaviour quickly and couldn’t stop teasing her ever since, but needless to say, Aera wasn’t blind either, she could see the sparks between Jimin and Seulgi who had definitely grown closer when they were accompanying their friends to practices or when all four of them had lunch at the cafeteria together. It was just that Seulgi didn’t want to admit that Jimin might not have been the shallow-minded basketball player she had thought him out to be, and she hated admitting if she was wrong.
No wonder even Jungkook realized that the Taehyung and Aera were having feelings for each other, but he didn’t dare to ask about it, just smiled knowingly to himself whenever he was playing the piano and they were singing beside him.
Everything seemed to go smoothly, and by the time the day of the winter musical came, they had been fully prepared and fully supported, just a bit nervous. It was odd to see Taehyung in such a nervous state as well since she had never seen him like that before, and she couldn’t help the comment from slipping through her mouth.
“You’re cute when you’re nervous,” she remarked as they were warming up in the backstage, and Taehyung fixed his shirt for the fifth time already, looking for anything to dust off even though it was as clear as a shirt could be.
“You think so?” He raised an amused eyebrow in question, and no matter the fact that she was sure that she was blushing, she was glad to see that tension of his dissolving a bit due to her comment.
“I would never lie about something like that,” she admitted as she brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She was nervous in her own way, but it was mostly just nerve-wracking imagines going through her head and not her body reacting to the present situation. “Besides, I just want us to have fun just like we did at the karaoke party,” she added with a nostalgic smile, finding the same kind of memories in Taehyung’s eyes than she was currently replaying in her own head. “No matter what, I want us to feel like we did then. To enjoy it as much,” she wished oh so hopefully, eyes twinkling with happy little stars.
Taehyung looked back at the girl, lips curling upwards ever so gradually and beautifully. There was something very charming about the way his full and mellow lips were slowly raised into a smile; that kind of excitement, the anticipation, the hopefulness. Because what was going on inside was written outside on his face, and she was ever so thankful that she could read him so well.
“I wish for the same,” the boy agreed giddily, and before she could realize what he was doing, he stepped closer and put his arms around her body, embracing her petite figure and the magical moment of them going onto the stage a few moments later. They shared the same sentiment, the same hopes and the same mind-set regarding the musical, so they knew that this could only go well.
It indeed went well. Even though it was very much difficult to forget about the theatre hall being filled up with the audience because everyone had gotten to know that the captain of the Busan Seagulls would play the main role of this season’s winter musical, eventually, they both imagined that they were the only two people standing on stage and singing to each other - just like how it had felt at the karaoke night.
The melodies were floating in the sky, embracing them with warmth and the awakening of a feeling that they had tried to suppress, but now it came back with full force, injected into their bodies in the highest dose possible, making them shiver out of pleasure. It was a thrilling, unfamiliar yet pleasant feeling, beautiful like the sunset on the summer sky above the green meadows and the miracle of the first snow after a particularly gloomy autumn. They didn’t want to wake up from it because it felt so good, they just wanted to sink into this feeling and never wake up.
Maybe that’s why those minutes they had prepared for months went by so quickly, and maybe that’s why it was so weird to bow to the audience after they had finished. It didn’t feel real, it felt surreal, almost magical. Not to mention the hugs and the cheers they received after the show was over and even Seulgi hugged Jimin out of joy after their friends had successfully finished their stages.
“Are you sure that you don’t want to do that again?” Jimin wiggled his eyebrows teasingly, earning a smack in the chest from Seulgi. Though even the girl couldn’t deny that there was a lopsided smile in the corner of her lips, and neither Taehyung, nor Aera were as blind as to not see that this had been a step in their denied relationship.
“Okay, who wants to have some rice cake soup after this?” Taehyung hollered at their little group and everyone nodded in approval. Even Hoseok could be convinced to join them - of course, Eunji couldn’t be convinced -, and so with the rest of the cast, his best friend, Aera and Seulgi, they headed to their favourite tteokbokki place around school, celebrating the success of their one and only musical that they had wrapped up without any mistakes.
Even if they would not repeat it next time, it was still an unforgettable experience; a proof that even those who weren’t considered suitable for such things could try themselves out and prove everyone wrong. It was great to hear from other students that after this time they were brave enough to try out totally different things - let it be dancing, joining the choir, running for class president or even just baking - and that their example was motivating enough for them.
No one should have been limited to one single title or activity, everyone should have been allowed to experiment and see what they like or dislike. Maybe they won’t become worldwide famous and maybe they will give up in the end, but if their heart told them to do something, then people’s judgements and prejudices shouldn’t have held them back. Life was too short to not try out what they wanted to, and the opportunities were there, always there.
Maybe their stories wouldn’t end up like Taehyung and Aera’s who became official after the winter musical or maybe they wouldn’t be that couple who always fights but makes up aka Jimin and Seulgi, but every experience was precious, let it be good or bad, and sharing the experience with loved ones was even more precious.
And as for Taehyung and Aera, they could now keep this day as a memory in their hearts; a memory of high school and musicals.
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