#need help with my johnny depp fix

[drugs-and-daddyissues]

𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎 After breaking up mid tour, Johnny still joins you as part of your band. But over the course of the remaining shows, he falls back in love with you, completely regretting his choice to end things with you.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 angst, post breakup guilt, forced proximity, oral sex (f! receiving), P in V sex, quickie, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it)

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 Johnny Depp x f! reader

It was devastating, the pain you felt when Johnny told you things were over. It didn't help that he was in your band as you went on your world tour. But it was too late for him to back out, so he stayed. It was hard, singing love songs you wrote about him, but you had to put on a show, act like it didn't hurt.

You kept the break up quiet, until people started noticing how sad you seemed singing love songs, even being spotted wiping tears away.

The headlines were brutal.

(Y/N) splits from rockstar boyfriend, Johnny Depp

(Y/N), why can't she keep a boyfriend?

You were sick of it, but what could you do? You had rehearsals with him all the time, making sure everything was perfect between shows.

But dammit, you did it with a broken heart, you did it for the applause it gave.

All it made Johnny do was question why he'd let you go. He had this absolutely beautiful woman who sparkled under the stage lights, and he'd thrown it away for what? Because he didn't think it would work? Because he was scared of committing fully? It was all bullshit in his mind, and he knew it. He knew he had to make things right.

Before the show, he knocked on your dressing room door as you were changing into your sparkly bodysuit.

"Come in!" You called out, fixing your lipstick, your eyes on your own reflection in the mirror, until you saw Johnny's figure join you in the reflection. You quickly turned around, facing him.

"Johnny.." You whispered, like you were seeing him for the first time again.

"Can we please just talk?" He asked softly. "As two people, not as professionals doing a job. Let me talk to the girl I fell in love with, not the popstar that everyone else knows." He whispered, taking a few steps closer.

Your heart clenched for a moment before you nodded. "Okay.. We can talk." You replied, your lingering feelings making it hard to resist his presence.

He took another step forward until he was right in front of you, his hand gently reaching out to stroke your cheek. "I think- No, I know I fucked up. I threw away a good thing. I threw away you when you mean everything to me. I was just.. An idiot. I don't even know what was going through my head, I don't know if I was just.. Scared of the commitment. Which is stupid because I would go to the ends of the world for you. Baby, I would get down on my knees and grovel if that's what you needed me to do." He confessed, sinking down to his knees in front of you, like he was confessing his sins. You were the priest, he was the sinner in need of healing.

Your breath hitched, both from the impact his words had on you, but the erotic places your mind immediately went to from seeing him on his knees. Why the hell was your mind going there, especially now of all times?

He left you speechless, breathless, and he knew it. He started kissing your thighs, not parting your legs, more like extending an olive branch. "Let me make it up to you. Please. I'll do anything for you to take me back.." He pleaded, his hands finding their way to your hips.

"Johnny.." You whispered, breath wavering, his touch sending sparks to your core. "Jesus, you're not being fair. Not when you're making me feel like this.." You whispered, your voice strained with arousal.

You saw the hint of a smirk on his lips. "Really now? And how am I making you feel?" He asked, rubbing circles into your hip, feeling the sequined texture of your bodysuit.

You let out a heavy sigh before muttering under your breath, "Horny..". It was an admission that felt shameful to slip past your lips, but it was the truth.

"Well, I can't let you go on stage soaking wet for me, can I? Spread your legs for me, baby. Let me make it up to you." He rasped, eyes dilated and dark as he looked up at you.

You just nodded and spread your legs, letting yourself lean on the vanity behind you. Immediately, he pulled your bodysuit to the side, and licked up your wet folds. "God, I've missed this pussy.." He groaned at your taste.

He delved his tongue into your drooling hole, his nose nudging your swollen bud. "Oh Johnny.." You softly moaned out. It had been months since you'd been touched by him, and it was frying all your nerve endings.

You gently grabbed his hair, grinding on his face slightly. He pulled his tongue out of you, instead choosing to make quick flicks on your clit. He shifted your leg so that your foot was resting on his back, not caring that your heels were digging into his skin. All he cared about was making you cum all over his face.

"John- Fuck! I'm close.." You cried out, back arched. He gave you an encouraging tap on the thigh, silently telling you to let go.

And you did, making a mess of his face, your arousal smeared across his nose, lips, chin.. Anywhere you touched.

"Shhh.. Do you want me, love? Want me inside this pretty cunt?" He asked, pressing gently kisses across your skin.

You nodded eagerly with a soft whine, and immediately he was up, undoing his belt and unzipping his fly, just enough to pull his rock hard cock out.

Your eyes were hazed over with lust, as you pulled him close, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I missed you, I missed you so much." You whispered as he pushed inside you, feeling your tight heat envelope him.

Feeling him stretch you just like he did before, you mewled out in pleasure, digging your nails into him. "F-fuck.." You whispered through a hitched breath.

He rutted up into you roughly, repeatedly slamming into your g-spot, making you breathe heavy and moan out his name.

"Shhh.. Need to be quiet, sweetheart. Don't want anyone to know how naughty you are for me, hm? That you're getting dicked down by your lead guitarist?" He teased, covering your mouth with his hand.

You heard a knock on your dressing room door as Johnny was rearranging your guts, your eyes rolling back. "Miss (L/N), you're on in 10!" The voice, which you recognized as one of your stage managers, called from the other side of the door.

"O-okay!" You choked out, trying to make it seem like you weren't getting pounded by Johnny.

Johnny seemed amused as your stage manager walked away, like he got a kick out of making you struggle for words. "Fuck that, I'll get you on in 5." He rasped, thrusting into you even harder. He moved his hand to hover over your clit, his thumb coming down on it to rub tight circles.

You head was thrown back, and you were trying so hard not to scream, the knot in your stomach tightening. "J-Johnny, I'm so close! I'm gonna cum!!" You cried out, but it was barely a warning more than it was a declaration, because you were already coming undone around his cock.

"There we go.. I'm right behind you, make me cum, sweetheart, fucking milk my cock." He pushed, quickly busting inside you, his orgasm overtaking him.

He pulled out, and his recovery was almost instant as he knew you both had places to be. He swiftly cleaned you up, before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"Does this mean you'll take me to be yours again?" He asked as you adjusted your bodysuit to the way it was previously.

You just gave him a kiss as a reply, before whispering against his lips, "At least it'll make for a good breakup song or two." You teased, before giving him a wink and walking out of the door, heading to where you were supposed to be, leaving him starstruck for a moment, before he too headed to where he was supposed to be.

┆𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓┆

𝐀/𝐍 I hope this was okay! Kinda hate this but that's fine ig 😭

🎸 taglist: @littlerobbinphantomhive19 @ghsttk @kittenlittle24 @trekkitkat @amy-fontaine @chronicallybubbly @mgajdaaa @mininiamh @bennwazzhere @needz1nk Thank you for your support 💜

[renaissanceman5073]

The Death of Manliness

I've been thinking about this topic for a long time. Men in general, real men anyway, are becoming a rare breed. The guy that will go hunting with you, help you build a shed, show you a new way to tie a knot and have your back in a fight is just about extinct. He has been replaced by an army of Justin Biebers of various ages ranging from tween all the way to 45. I fear for my daughter. When she gets to dating age, she will be surrounded by boys that will never grow into men. I've really begun to question how we have reached this point, and I have some ideas.

Until recently, women had always preferred this rough, chiseled male who, while not in touch with his feminine side, could protect the family and ensure survival. The effete, slender boys idealized today are a sharp departure. Contrast, for example, the rugged good looks of Cary Grant with the slender jaw of Matt Damon, the boyish grin of Leonardo DiCaprio, slight shoulders of Robert Pattinson. Even middle-aged women fawn over “boy-men” like Robert Pattinson (of Twilight fame), the always odd Johnny Depp, and full time teen girl icon Ryan Reynolds. These men are all skinny, slight,  sweet-looking and play the roles of sensitive men in their movies. It is almost impossible to imagine a scenario in which John Wayne would not beat the shit out of Robert Pattinson, even with his vampire superpowers.

Then there is the second category of male icons adored by modern women of all ages - that of the loveable, boyish doof. These men often appear in female-oriented comedies like “the Hangover” and “She’s Having a Baby.” These men, like the comedies themselves, are crass, 15 year old bathroom humor, with lovable “cute” characters who in the end win the heart of some really hot girl. These “loveable losers” perfectly illustrate what women think they want - no competition from their significant other. After all, what weak-minded woman couldn’t dominate “fat Jesus” or for that matter, a 15 year old boy who fantasizes about being a vampire? I mean, she would have to be pretty dim-witted right?

So how did we get here and is it bad? Is this not just evolution? I submit to you that it is not working, and that it is bad. Both men and women are complaining of discontent at all time levels. Divorce rates are much higher than they were 20 years ago, which were double what they were 20 years before that. Our children are growing up less educated, morally confused and, frankly, not competitive with the emerging giant industrialized nations in the world. Our children are promiscuous, sad, and largely directionless.

I would suggest that women are no happier than they were 50 years ago and are, in fact, less so. The modern woman is expected to work full time, come home, take care of most of the house, do the heavy lifting with the children, talk about their days and then do Social Media to keep up with the family. Amazingly, in spite of decades of intense training, women are finding that men are still very bad at housework, not great at cooking healthy meals, and don’t relate to the children in the same nurturing way women do. It’s almost as if it is genetically imprinted upon men at birth that they will just suck at those things. 

Of course, some men don’t suck at those things, just like some women can pick up a rifle and hit that bullseye on her first try. Some women just don’t look as awkward handling a firearm, or field-dressing a deer, or throwing a football. Of course, most women do look ill equipped, as if by nature, to do those things.

The fact of the matter is, men need about 9,950 more years of training before they will approach housework or child-rearing with the same skill as they do shooting, fishing, or fixing things. Of course, since most men have lost those skills too, I would agree that we are basically worthless now. In fact, women are far more likely, by a huge margin, to vote for politicians who increase the size of the social safety net. Why? Because they are afraid of being left alone to care for the kids by their childish husbands. There is a more subtle and shocking conclusion to be drawn from this, however. Women are more concerned about the status of the social safety net than they are about their husband’s ability to keep his job in bad economic times. They have given up on us.

So maybe the girly tabloid magazines are right. Maybe women don’t need men anymore. After all, the modern woman is basically doing everything from the money earning to the child-rearing to the housework.

Well, they do need men because, in spite of the best efforts of society to convince us otherwise, most women are really unhappy. They are so unhappy, in fact, that they are beginning to ask the tell all questions: “where have all the good men gone”? “Where are the ‘real men’”? What they are really asking for is help. Not just help with the dishes either. They want real help, like the help that their grandfathers gave their grandmothers, but for the most part, that type of man is extinct. And to some degree, women have brought this upon themselves…

Men are no longer manly because women have generally forbidden manliness. It is a part of the natural selection process, and in modern iPad society, manliness is considered unnecessary and crude. As a result, women choose boys over men and ridicule the traditionally manly things as “silly” or “too dangerous” or “risky.” The feminization of America is almost complete. The first generation of girly men was the Baby Boomers. Women helped men rebel against the old male constructs of “duty, honor, country” that they felt led the nation to war in Vietnam. They used free and easy sex to sell the idea that men should explore their feelings, sing songs around a campfire, use drugs and generally “drop out.” The archetypal “jock” and “cheerleader” were replaced by the hippies, the “love child,” motivation-killing drugs, and promiscuity. And what guy wouldn’t sign up for that right? No responsibility, no one making you get a job, no one riding you about your life choices, free and frequent sex. What’s not to like? So you have to cry and talk about feelings around girls…so what. That’s a good trade for the right to be a bum your whole life and generally shrink from your responsibilities as a man.

Of course, life doesn’t end in your teens and 20s. Eventually it all catches up to you and you have to do something to earn money. Eventually sex, drugs and rock n’ roll doesn’t seem so appealing to a young woman as she enters her peak child-bearing years. Eventually, our biological clocks start ticking louder and we cannot continue to live like kids, even if we want to. The problem is, that generation had already defined itself as the childish generation, perpetually young, idealistic, and entitled. 

But many of the men of that generation found themselves ill equipped to handle big-boy life, like kids, wives, jobs, responsibility, etc. Many of these men had rejected those ideas in response to the siren calls from liberated women. Having rejected the traditional male code, they were left directionless and having rejected their parents with such vigor, many had nowhere to turn for advice.

Many men of that generation did not have fathers. Many men had fallen in World War II, or otherwise died young. My own grandfather died when my father was a young boy. As a result, he grew up without a strong male in his life. While he did an admirable job as a father, I can now see enormous the gaps in his development as a man, now that I have reached middle age. You wouldn’t recognize such things until you get old yourself, but then they become so obvious. I find myself saying things like “of course that single mother will struggle to raise a proper man by herself.” We are just so loath as a society to tell anyone about anything they “cannot do,” even if the result is completely predicable. 

Of course, that generation also became the first "divorce generation." After second and third marriages, the entitlement generation has left us a sea of little boys raised almost exclusively by their mothers, who in turn exposed them to boyfriends, lovers, other “male” figures that were neither biologically predisposed to mentor them, nor inclined or equipped to do so. They were also competition for the mother's love and attention in ways that a traditional father would not have been.

Then there’s my generation. A group of aging boys who were taught by female teachers in government schools that they must accept their female counterparts as equals or superiors. After all, my generation of males had to be trained to cope with the first female bosses. We had to accept women in the workplace as authority figures and commanders. We had to be taught to subordinate our desires to theirs, but not in a chivalrous way - it had to be done in a submissive way and in a professional context. 

This is not to say that women are not equal or shouldn't be commanders or bosses. To the contrary. I want my daughter to have all the opportunities my grandmother and mother did not. I am grateful to those pioneering women who paved the way for my daughter. But, as with every major societal shift, there were unintended consequences that have had a profoundly negative impact on both men and women.

My generation of males has agreed to the new social contract with women. Equality is preferred, responsibly for the breadwinning is shared and, in exchange, we are allowed by our women to act like boys, shirk responsibility, and pursue the childish things in our free time. If I were a woman, I’d feel ripped off, but there was no other way it could be. Men were always going to have to cede control and power to women if women were going to be successful in traditionally male realms. Predictably, women now prefer men with a gift for those traditional female roles, like cleaning, organizing, cooking, and child rearing. In order to be good part-time surrogate mothers to their children while their wives are at work, these men have to be sensitive and motherly. They have to be nurturing. These are not traits that are typically able to be "learned," however. The fact is, some men are just born that way. Those men make good nurturers. More effeminate men are more sensitive and better mothers and are now preferred by most educated women.

There are two major problems with this. First, if both parents are busy mothering the children, who is the father? Second, not every culture has adopted this post-gender model of society. Other societies continue to rear men who can hunt, fight, shoot, fix, assemble, and kill. Those societies, much like Spartans of Greece, will breed formidable warriors who already view us as soft. Our long term survival as a nation is not certain and will not be ensured by generations of couch potatoes, who shy away from athletics, guns, outdoors and competition. Were we to get dragged into a world war, or even a large regional war, we might find ourselves suffering a shortage of men willing to fight.

Men of my generation were confronted, as men, by the Penn State sexual abuse scandal. Jerry Sandusky, a 36 year defensive coordinator working under Joe Paterno, was arrested and charged with raping young boys, in some cases, in the Penn State locker room. Joe Paterno appears to have, at the least, done a very poor job of monitoring his locker-room, but he is not the worst part of the story. The worst actor apart from the child rapist, was Mike McQueary. Here he is, an ex ball player, 6’3 230 or so, young, athletic, no arthritis or heart condition, and what does he do when he sees this young boy being raped? Nothing. He turns away and calls his father and “reports” the matter to Joe Paterno. 

In our society, we have become so devoted to relativism and deconstructionism that a young man like Mike McQueary gets confused when he sees a boy being raped. Without the inculcation of moral relativism this does not happen. Decades of education, teaching us to cubby hole personal and professional lives, "sequester" a person's private life from their "job performance," has left many young people vulnerable to inaction. 

So, in the case of Paterno et al., McQueary begins deconstructing what he saw and what his reaction should be. He has been taught that he should "report it" to the proper authorities; that he has "no legal duty" to intervene. In fact, in our legalistic society, he probably knows that had he gone to his locker, retrieved a firearm and shot the pedophile, he would be fighting for his life on trial now. 

Such a legalistic view of the world invites inaction. After they "receive a report of harassment or 'inappropriate conduct'" they will "investigate it and take appropriate corrective action." Predictably, their "investigation" was "inconclusive." These are all tactics we invented as lawyers, judges and other regulators of society to prevent one overly-manly co-worker from punching another co-worker that he sees grabbing a woman's breasts in the workplace. 

Is this Penn State assault that different? Isn't it just a question of degree? Again, all of our policies, procedures, and "ethical training" compel inaction for the average man working for a university in this situation. Is it more ethical to do what McQueary did than to beat Sandusky to a pulp? Another man might have actually killed Sandusky, unable to quiet his rage once he got started. What if the old man had a heart attack while another man savagely beat his head against the shower floor? That man would have risked being prosecuted, even though Sandusky would have gotten what he deserved.

And the so called “middle ground” argument espoused by some is utter bullshit. “Well, he should have called the police,” they say. That is deconstructionsim at its finest. It does nothing to stop the rape in progress, it cedes all moral authority to a “higher administrator” of the law, and it does not impress on Sandusky or other pedophiles that the wages of these sins are certain torture and possible death and the hands of other men in the community. The policeman does little to deter vicious attacks on innocent children. If they did, then our police-occupied cities would be nirvanas. No, the “law” does not deter sick and violent predators from seeing prey. They are drawn to the vile hunt. They are irresistibly drawn to their prey, by scent, sight, and demeanor. They are just like the animals we say they are. Officer Friendly, unless he is right there with his baton and whistle, will do nothing to dissuade this man from tackling the boy in the shower and raping him. 

The fact of the matter is, traditionally men must sometimes take matters into their own hands - a lost art, and now almost completely forbidden. Occasionally, a man gets it right and takes decisive action at the appropriate time, and makes no mistakes. He saves the old widow who’s house is being robbed by shooting the intruders. The shooting is “textbook.” He yells out all the appropriate warnings, draws his weapon only when he sees the intruder is also armed with a firearm. The intruder does not surrender and in fact screams that he will not. The stars are in alignment and this man does not get prosecuted for his intervention. He is hailed as a hero. He got lucky.

There used to be many more “heroes.”  There used to be many more “men of action” and we celebrate those men as “the Greatest Generation” or “Pioneers” or “Frontiersmen.”  What we have lost sight of is that “action” is rarely, if ever, perfect. In a society that does not leave much room for non-governmental error, inaction becomes the most reasonable and safest route. In our “society of laws” inaction is the preferred method, leaving “it” to police and law enforcement to handle. Yes, you are “free” to act as a citizen, but only within the strictest confines, and failure to observe those strict confines will ruin your life with lawsuits, prosecution and perhaps jail time.

We used to leave more room for error. Men, especially young men, were allowed to make mistakes. In fact, young men were taught at a very early age that “all men make mistakes” and it is important to learn from them. But the mistakes older generations were talking about were not the same types of mistakes that we discuss today. Today “mistakes” means personal failings, like cheating on your wife, drinking too much, gambling, using drugs. Personal failings were not well accepted by older generations. To them "mistakes" meant mistakes of a tactical nature - like “friendly fire."

Now, even for children, the consequences of making a mistake are so severe, that parents have almost no choice but to insist their children become students of inaction. Consider that 5th graders can be expelled for “sexual harassment.” A young man that brings a knife to school is expelled and may lose a chance to go to college. A boy caught drinking - gone; smoking - gone; fighting - gone and prosecuted. They now even prosecute teenage boys and girls who text naked pictures of themselves. It is only a matter of time until “doctor” and “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” becomes “sexual assault” punishable under the “three strikes” laws. Repeat offenders will be required to “register on the sexual predator” list in their community. So what do you tell your kids?  "Don’t do ANYTHING that could get you in trouble." 

All of that aside, women are not being taught to respect men. Men have traditionally been taught by both mothers and fathers to respect women. They have not always done so for sure. Society has disrespected women historically, for certain. There is no debating that. But, what is worth looking at is the modern trend to devalue boys. As we’ve discussed already, girls are taught that most things male are either dirty, simplistic, or threatening to their own identities. Boys are, quite simply, bad. Male traits are denigrated while female traits are lauded. In our schools, male aggressiveness is equated to war, destruction and the possible extinction of civilization through conflict. Male logic is equated to insensitivity, provincialism, clumsiness. Male competitiveness is equated to self doubt, childishness, or sexual insecurity. Competition has been replaced with an  “everyone gets a trophy,” “everyone’s a winner” philosophy. Aggressive, combative games that boys have always played, like “kill the man with the ball,” “dogpile,” and even “tag” have been banned from many school playgrounds. Martial skills like “riflery” and “archery” are no longer taught in schools. Boys are encouraged now to cry when they are hurt, to put aside prideful male pain-endurance. The predictable result has been several generations of whiny, uncompetitive, fearful, passive-aggressive girly-men without any direction or motivation.

In contrast, the female traits have been idealized. All conflicts should be resolved through “effective communication,” which is known as “progress.” We no longer stand up to the bully with our fists, but rather by communicating our feelings of anger to the appropriate authority figure. The bully is counseled and rehabilitated through “effective communication.” Civilization is preserved by “breaking the chain of abuse” that led to that bully’s behavior.

Logic is mathematical, and is properly taught in that context to those interested in being engineers or lawyers. True enlightenment is now gained through empathy. Mr. Spock, the cold, sometimes callous communicator of the inevitable result of a decision has been replaced by Dr. Spock and a legion of empathetic PhD.s, ready to insist that little boys be taught feelings first and foremost. 

Competition has been replaced with cooperative exercise. We “work together” to achieve some intangible goal. “Teamwork” is lauded over selfish individual achievement. Decisionmaking is a cooperative exercise, also known as consensus building, rather than a game of “follow the leader.” 

Physical exercise or “recess”, for several decades at least, had been replaced by these cooperative exercises. Displays of physical domination, like “Battleball,” where little girls were forced to sweat and have objects hurled at them was simply too distasteful. “P.E.” had  to be stopped. That little experiment failed so miserably, however, that the “consensus” is now that (non-competitive) exercise is good. The epidemic of fat children, both boys and girls, has scared even the most sensitive mothers. After all, what good is a happy child if she dies at 40 of being fat?

Football is tolerated, but only so long as there are no concussions, broken bones, bloody and bruised forearms, or other violent injuries. The rules must be constantly changed to “protect the players.” However, shooting guns or arrows at targets (or animals) is no longer acceptable. When I was in school, we actually had a rifle class and an archery class. My mother was actually a very accomplished archer, which she learned in her school. She was the one who encouraged me in the sport. Such activities are not even considered sport any longer. They are warlike and, therefore, frowned upon.

Finally, there are the unchecked displays of emotions. Women grow up crying in front of one another. Boys do not. It is genetic. Men who had little sisters understand this better than most. Little sisters sometimes tried not to cry, in order to be more like their brothers. Skinned knees or pinched fingers that happened in front of the brother and his friends had to be endured. If she did not, she would elicit looks of disapproval from all the boys around her. Why? Because 10 year old boys are already masters of hiding their pain? Bullshit. Ten year old boys are masters of nothing, especially their own feelings. They are just born to be prideful, to avoid showing weakness. They learn at a very early age that showing weakness is a sure-fire way to get even more hurt. It’s not evil, it’s nature. The wounded gazelle is the lion’s first target. That little girl with the skinned knee, choking back the tears, learns that same lesson and, rather than sobbing away the pain and enduring additional hurt feelings from the boys, she bravely endures. She gets up and resumes play. 

Some boys and many girls never get to learn that lesson. Girls don’t naturally teach boys not to cry so, if other men don’t encourage the boy to toughen up, there is no one to teach the girls the same lesson. Such a great symbiotic moment in gender development is missed. The children don’t get to learn the universal truth that the weak are more often than not, made weaker and crushed. Don’t be weak, don’t let everyone else know when you are weak lest you become someone else’s dinner. That is reserved for when you are alone with the other gazelles, or the one special gazelle. Again, it is not good or evil, it just is the way it is. Deny it, fight it, and you or someone you love will end up on someone else’s plate. If you play the victim, you are a victim. If you show the predators in the world that you can be made a victim, they will victimize you. It is critical to learn to hide your emotions, a trait men must develop in order maintain a balanced society.

History is replete with examples of the calm and steady, measured person besting the emotionally charged, passionate person. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, Kennedy used “measured responses” to “incremental escalations” to “calmly guide” the nation through an existential struggle. Kruschev, on the other hand, an emotional, passionate man, couldn’t make up his own mind on what he would take as a prize to resolve the crisis. He sent conflicting communications to Kennedy, insisting in one that the USSR was steady and resolved to wage war. In the other he emotionally recited philosophy with typical communist zeal. The result was a near total loss for him and a massive blow to his nation’s prestige. This scenario played out again with the fall of the Berlin wall, the Iraq war, and the war against terrorism.

In World War II, it was the steely resolve and  speech, measured in both tone and content, of Winston Churchill that shepherded his nation through the Blitz. His opponent? - The emotional, whimsical, nationalistic Adolf Hitler, known mostly to his people for his hot rhetoric and screaming speeches. I watch clips of Hitler speaking, screaming at the top of his lungs, waving his hands like a madman, engaging in the shameless use of hyperbole to make every point, and I cannot believe anyone took him seriously. Nevertheless, they did, the followed him on his emotional path of destruction, and they were destroyed in the process.

The unchecked, unfettered reliance on emotion is dangerous. To passionately race towards one’s goal, with one's heart on his sleeve, conveying every feeling in an effervescent geyser of emotion, is to invite death. To require an entire nation of boys to do it is insanity.   

The feminization of America is undeniable. Many men and women consider it progress, but I ask you, are we really better off? Are we really happier? Are our marriages and families healthier? Do we even “hurt” less? I think the answers to these questions is a resounding “no.” Until we accept, once and for all, that boys and girls are different, and, most importantly, that boys and girls must be allowed to learn from each other, we are doomed. I cannot emphasize that last point enough. In an unstructured “Blue Lagoon” “Garden of Eden” natural environment, where boys and girls are forced to mature together without “adult” intervention, neither person concerns his or herself with gender roles. Boys do what boys do best and are most interested in doing. Girls do what girls do best and what they are most interested in doing. It is a symbiotic relationship as it was intended to be.

What about the mother? In a natural state, do women really encourage their sons to sew instead of learn how to defend themselves? Do they encourage their sons to “sit out” when the other boys want to play “kill the man with the medicine ball,” or chase each other with sticks? Does she encourage him to cry in front of the other boys? Does she want him to be effete? Does she punish him for punching the bully in the mouth?

When viewed in a naturalist light, the silliness of these modern trends is astonishingly clear. One need not argue the point too forcefully. In nature, there are few wives or mothers who would want their sons or husbands to be like the men we are now insisting as a society they become. Only in this post-modern, God is dead, moral relativist world could it ever make sense to turn a boy into a little girl. Only in this surreal world would it make sense to train the gazelle to attack the lion, the unintended consequence of which is, of course, a gazelle holocaust.

So what bizarre set of circumstances must converge to create a woman who delights in seeing her baby boy grow into a beaten down, put-on, spineless, mute man? Wouldn’t she rather tolerate a few expressions of raw maleness, some fighting, some “throwing his weight around,” some sexually potent women in the house? No. As a society, women have decided that “it is better this way.” It is, to use the most motherly of phrases “for his own good.” After all, what good is it to be a man if you have to be in fights right? I mean, if being “a real man��� means you have to break your arm or get a potentially  life long head injury, why do it? If “real men” have to go off to Iraq or Vietnam and get their legs blown off, or die, or kill another person, what good is it? Why live that way, especially since there is a choice?Just submit to the world of women and you will be taken care of. Make love and not war.

So, there are consequences to all of this. Rather than teaching our 6' 4" 250 pound boys to physically intervene when they see a pedophile raping a young child, we tell them that they might be punished for that, and that the proper response is to "report it to the proper authorities." It is the death of manliness, and it was done by design. These emotional and psychological eunuchs are now the foundation of our society - generations of them, and we are doomed. 

Tomorrow - The Death of Femininity and Marriage…..

[captain-lessship]

I want to say something: we always should separate the characters from the actors because simply: it’s their job. And a current situation is a perfect example of why we always should. I have always been in the position that if you write for a character with a shit actor, you shouldn’t feel bad about it but you need to make it crystal clear that you don’t support or condone what the actor says/does. But now that I am, by technicality , one of those authors, I am having a mild moral crisis about it so I am going to do what I said all authors in my position should:

Danny Masterson is a fucking piece of garbage.

When a public figure finally gets what they had coming, it’s wonderful. Danny Masterson, a shit person who hid behind fame, money and a fucked curtain of a rich man’s religion that will protect you as long as you cash a hefty check, is getting what he had coming:

30 years away from the general public.

It is what he deserved for what he did to those women. While this sentencing will never undo what he put those women through, he will be punished and therefore send the message that they’ll get you eventually no matter who you are. They got him.

Now, like some Steven Hyde lovers that I have talked to, I can’t help but feel a sense guilt. He did his crimes while playing our favorite burnout which is extremely saddening to know and uses that role to gain a sort of respect that would deter most people from saying anything against him.

I love that 70s Show. A lot of life lessons were learned from that show.

Red taught me that you can be a sarcastic shit and mean well.

Kitty taught me that love can’t fix everything but it can give you the motivation to fix something.

Eric taught me that there is some extraordinary in being exceptionally ordinary.

Donna taught me that you show chase your dream cause no one else is gonna do it for you.

Fez taught me that no matter where I go I can find friends and by relation, a tidbit of happiness.

Jackie taught me that you gotta love yourself first and run into your own arms.

Kelso taught me that damn, that could be anybody. Jk, he taught me that it’s good to like how you look.

Then there’s Hyde. Hyde is now a difficult situation. Because he used to be the epitome of self-reliance. But now, he’s a well crafted guise that was designed, like all characters of a series, to become well known and thus, gain a type of influence and love.

I know damn well that actors are there to play a role and cash a check but it will never not amaze me that someone can lie so well. Danny Masterson is the guy Steven Hyde would beat the shit out of. Like Johnny Depp said, “With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it's just not acting. It's lying.”

So I am completely comfortable in saying that, by that quote, Danny is a fucking liar and should rot.

I will always strive for my readers comfort so I need to know now, would it upset you all if I ever wrote for Steven Hyde? I will not be hurt by the outcome of the poll so do not let that skew your answers.

[beefearlesslyauthentic]

Can peeps hit me with a list of great must-see Johnny Depp movies?

Ta x

[yup-thats-me]

Unconditionally || Johnny Depp X plus!size!reader

Request by @rosaliedepp: Hello! I wanted to request something with johnny depp but i don't really have any specific plot... I just know i want it to have age gap and a bit of angst but a happy ending. Oh! And if the reader is plus size it would be perfect, but if not is totally fine ❤️

note: First of all, I'm so so so sorry for the delayed post. I was having some serious writer's block and my good friend @youlightmeupfinn helped me out. If it wasn't for her, this wouldn't have been posted and probably would have taken me an eternity to write this. Check her out @youlightmeupfinn. She's got some genuinely awesome Fics!!!

Annnnnd the requests are open. There is a possibility that it'll be posted late, but I promise it'll be posted. That's for sure ♥

pairing: Johnny Depp X plus!size!reader!

summary: Johnny x reader with an age gap?

warnings: AMBER HEARD. I'M SO SORRY BUT I NEEDED A REAL BITCH FOR THIS AND WHO BETTER OF A BITCH THAN HER? Anyways. Age gap 33 years. Johnny's 58 and reader's 25, body shaming, crying lots of it, threatened to be slapped, screaming, angsty, fluffy.

masterlist

"Alright, Mr. Depp, close your eyes," Y/n said giggling softly.

Y/n was assigned the job of the make-up artist on the set of "Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald". Her coworkers were mostly jealous of her. The reason being she was Johnny Depp's personal make-up artist. No one was allowed to do Johnny's make-up except her. For her incredibly outstanding job.

"Kiss me?" Johnny asked smirkingly. The vanity van where Y/n and Johnny were was empty. The rest of the cast had a scene to shoot and Johnny was not in it. So, Y/n's boss asked her to put some fixes to Johnny's look, thus earning them some private time.

With the brush in her and the palette on the other, Y/n stood back a bit to observe her work. "You know, J. Someone might find out about us", she spoke slowly, but kissing Johnny nonetheless.

Johnny and Y/n have been together for almost nine months now. They first met on the set of the first movie, where Y/n was designated her job. At that time Y/n was 25 and Johny being 58 years old. After a month or two, even though Johnny was skeptical at first about their age gap, he asked her out and they've been together ever since.

Although, they had decided to keep it a secret. With Johnny's fame, and their age gap, Y/n would have had a hard time. So, Johnny thought against it. Even if Johnny had a choice to be out and proud with Y/n by his side, Y/n had her doubts.

See, Y/n's not like the other women Johnny had dated before. She's young. She's different. Not the blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny figure. Instead, she had (h/c), (e/c) and the most contrasting feature of her is that she's a plus size. She had chubby cheeks, and a soft plump waist. Y/n liked to think of herself as a panda, but in human form. She was different but beautiful.

At least that's what Johnny thought of her. He believes Y/n's perfect the way she is. He loves to run his fingers along her waist when they're together. He loves to pinch and pull her squishy cheeks, loves to cuddle her as close as possible. He loves all of her. No matter how many years they're apart.

"And what makes you think that'll affect me anyway?" Johnny continued grabbing Y/n by the waist, making her sit on his muscular thighs.

The action made Y/n gasp loudly and smack his chest in a playful manner. "We haven't gone out on a date for so long," Johnny remarked playing with Y/n's soft, silky hair. "Yeah..." Y/n nodded.

"What say, we have a date tomorrow evening?" Johnny suggested. Y/n perked up in her seat on his thighs and looked at him with puppy eyes. "I'd love that", she smiled innocently. Johnny returned the gesture, wrapped his hands around Y/n's plump waist, that he had come to love so much, and placed a kiss on her forehead. They both stayed in that position for a while, just basking in each other's presence.

A sudden knock on the door startled them, causing them to jump and stand up. Y/n hurried to open the door. "Mr. Depp? We are ready for you now," the crew member smiled politely. Johnny shook his head towards him signaling the crew to go on, he'll follow shortly. After the man left the van, Johnny turned to Y/n. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he pulled her in an embrace. They had to leave, much to their dismay.

"Sorry, love. But remember, we're having a date tomorrow evening. I love you", Johnny stated sweetly, kissing her for the last time before he went out the door.

Y/n turned around to look at herself in the mirror. Staring at the reflection for a minute before she grabbed her things and left.

~Time skip~

Applying the final touches to her look, Y/n skimmed her hand on the black dress (a/n please please please feel free to change it if you don't like it :)) she had worn. The dress was not particularly tight, nor too loose. She felt a kind of boldness. The boldness she always feels every time she's with Johnny.

"Okay, listen Y/n. You're with Johnny. Nothing will go wrong. Even if it does, I'll at least have Johnny to comfort me," she said as she gave herself a little prep talk in front of the mirror.

The horn from the car outside her house indicated to her that her lover had arrived. Taking her bag from the counter, she rushed to the front door. Getting out of the car, Johnny offered to open the door for Y/n. Smiling at him, she got in the car.

Johnny drove them both to their favorite restaurant. They took their seat on a table close to the glass window, that overlooked the city below.

"What would you like to have Sir, ma'am?" a waiter addressed. Placing their orders, they sat and chatted for a while catching up on each other's life although they see each other every day. "I gotta use the washroom," Y/n stated. Johnny nodded at her.

She rose to go to the washroom. Unkown to her knowledge, her so-called 'co-worker', Amber Heard, (a/n: accident? I think not) got up too to go to the washroom as well.

In the bathroom stall, Y/n came out to wash her hands. Amber stepped into the room. "Oh, Hi Y/n!' she said in her usually fake enthusiastic voice. Looking at her side, Y/n smiled back at her, but in her head, she was cursing her out.

"Ooh, looks like you're out on a date," Amber exclaimed as she walked around Y/n observing Y/n like a prey. Y/n hesitated to answer her. She knew Amber would mock her behind her back to all the other crew members.

When Y/n stayed quiet, a sadistic smirk played on her red stained lips. Y/n was still busy, washing her hands with the handwash, fixing her hair, trying her very best to ignore Amber's presence. "Ah! Forgive me. How can I forget that no man or woman would want to date a fat ass like you," Amber laughed cruelly.

Her statement made Y/n look at her through the mirror, but Amber went into the stall without waiting for Y/n's response. Y/n didn't leave. She stayed in the washroom, waiting for Amber to come out.

As Y/n waited for Amber, Johnny was beginning to worry about her. Y/n had her fair share of panic attacks. Johnny had helped her numerous times before. Johnny couldn't shake the pessimistic feeling that something bad had happened to her. So, without wasting more time, he walked towards the restroom. He was about to knock on the door when he heard Y/n talking to someone. Usually he would have walked away, but something told him he should stay. Hence, he stayed.

When Amber came out of the stall, Y/n spoke in an angry voice. "Excuse me. What did you say earlier?"

"What? Oh that no human would want to date you, that one?" Amber replied smirking.

"For your information, yes. I'm on a date." Y/n said through gritted teeth.

"Please do enlighten me. Who decided to take you out for dinner?" Amber faced Y/n.

"Mr. Johnny Depp".

"Uh. As if he'd date you. You're a fat ass bitch. And the fact that he wouldn't even think of you as an option," Amber scoffed.

Y/n chuckled. "But he did. Now here we are on our 50th date during the last nine months."

"Even if he was with you, unlikely, you're only using him for money. Never mind the 33 years age gap," Amber hissed.

The tears threatened to spill from Y/n's (e/c) eyes. Johnny on the other side of the door listened to every word Y/n and Amber said, each stabbing a dagger in his heart. He knew none of the words Amber spoke was true. But he felt bad for Y/n. He had the impression that she had to suffer all this for him. Which was very untrue.

"That is not true", Y/n said, anger lacing her voice. Stepping closer, she came face to face with Amber. Her face red from anger.

"But it is. You piece of shit. You're using him JUST FOR HIS MONEY!" Amber shouted.

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!" Y/n roared too. "DON"T YOU LIE TO ME YOU FUCKING WHORE," Amber screamed before she was cut off by the door opening harshly by Johnny.

"ENOUGH." Johnny yelled. Johnny was greeted with the view of Amber's hand merely inches from Y/n flushed face, ready to slap her.

Nearing to where Y/n and Amber stood, he placed a protective hand before Y/n, keeping her behind him.

"Mr. Depp. How lovely to meet you!" Amber said coming forwarding her hand to shake with Johnny's. Johnny lifted his hand in front of him, blocking Amber midway. "I've heard enough of you Mrs. Heard. Now get out," Johnny said slowly. He was desperately trying to prevent himself from beating Amber right then and there to disrespect his precious girlfriend.

Amber looked down and began to walk away before Johnny's cold voice stopped her. "And, Mrs. Heard. You're fired from your job. I'll make sure no one I know of gives you a job as a movie crew OR cast. Now, you may go."

Amber nodded once more and left the restroom.

As soon as she left Johnny turned around to catch Y/n about to fall. Holding her close to him, Johnny sat down in the floor sitting upright to cradle Y/n who was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shh. Shh. Everything's alright, Y/n. I'm here to protect you, my love."

"Why Johnny? Why do people always do this to me", Y/n stuttered hitting Johnny on the chest. Trying to push away from him. But Johnny was adamant and didn't move. He simply sat there and rubbed circles on Y/N back in hopes to calm her.

Johnny too had tears in his own orbs as he watched the love of his life crumble in his hands.

Johnny continued to calm Y/n by whispering sweet nothings to her. "You have to be strong, my love. For yourself. For myself".

Johnny was finally able to stop Y/n from crying any more. Her eyes were red and puffy already. Standing up, they grabbed their belongings and left the restaurant immediately.

After laying Y/n's sleeping body on the soft bed in Johnny's bedroom, he went out to make a phone call.

Johnny kept his word. Amber Heard never came to the set the next week nor did she ever again. She was dismissed and it was made sure that she wasn't given any job as either a crew or a cast in films. She's doomed.

Well, that's what you get after messing with Johnny and his beloved, sweet, darling girlfriend Y/n L/n.

Note Please, all of you. Remember you are perfect just the way you are. And I'm not saying this as a formality, but because I care for you and it's true. I know sometimes it gets hard. Real hard. But don't let anything or anyone weigh you down. If you feel alone or need someone to talk to, or just simply chat, I'm here. Feel free to reach out, Love you♥

[y0ung-4ever]

Different

Pairing: Johnny Depp x reader

Description: You are a piano instructor in the city of LA, the day was slow but then he showed up.

Warnings: -

Rating: -

Notes: I think I wrote this well, but I also wish I had more ideas for more romance with this one.

I was cleaning the grand piano that sat in the middle of the spacious, open room. The sunlight came through the window as I swept the dust off the keys that weren’t used as much.

“Hello, I was wondering if you were still doing lessons?”

The deep voice brought me out of my daze. I snapped my head up and looked at the man standing in the doorway. He stood tall with black shoes, navy blue dress pants and a white button up that brought out his tanned skin as he undone two of the buttons around his collar. His hair was a bit longer and he had on glasses.

“Oh! Yes I am! Um, I’m y/n!”

I went closer to him and stuck out my hand. He looked at me and smiled as he shook it.

“I’m Johnny.”

We just stayed like that for a while. His hand grasping mine and mine his. Looking into each other's eyes and the smiles we had still on our faces.

“A-anyway..when would you like to start, Johnny?”

He shook his head and fixed his hair.

“Um, right now would be a better time than ever!”

He walked over to the piano and admired the glossiness of the wood in the sunlight.

“Great! So first of all I have to ask- can you read sheet music?”

He looked up at me and smiled.

“I can! That’s a good thing right?”

I giggled and shook my head.

“That is good, because, Johnny, we can start playing right away! Now if you would take a seat on the bench..”

He complied with my request and he already had a nice posture.

“I can see that your posture is already really good, and that’s important when playing an instrument like the piano. So, now that I have you seated, I want you to play your right hand at middle c.”

He looked up at me confused. I laughed and took his hand.

“Right here. This is the key that everything revolves around. It’s important to know where it is. And that key will be played by your thumb as your other fingers have their own key.”

He pressed his thumb down and repeated it.

“Do you want to play classical music? Or do you have your own piece that you prefer to learn first?”

He thought for a moment and rested his hands on his thighs.

“I want to play classical music, but I want to play ‘The Maiden's Prayer’.”

I smiled and got all excited. ‘The Maiden’s Prayer’ was absolutely one of my favorite pieces.

“Ah, you have good taste! I would be honored to teach you such an elegant piece.”

I dug around in the room to find the sheet music for the song, but all I could find was Beethoven and Mozart sheet music.

“Aish, I told them to put their sheet music back in the right order. I already organized these once..”

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I swung around to be met with big brown eyes.

“H-Hi, Johnny..I’m sorry it will only be a few minutes. My other colleagues must have mixed it in with their sheet music.”

I stepped to the side and ran past him to the other side of the room. I looked on the shelf and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I normally have the music alphabetically organized, but I couldn’t find ‘The Maiden’s Prayer’ under the T’s.

“Hey, y/n- it’s okay! I can choose a different song to play. It’s no big deal.”

I stood away from him but I could sense the disappointment. I looked at him and frowned.

“No, Johnny, I’m going to teach you this song and nothing is going to stop us from succeeding!”

An hour later..

*Dun- Dun- Dun——-DUN*

“Ah- okay okay, so maybe you just aren’t finding a comfortable way to move your hand without your other fingers hitting keys that aren’t right. I mean you have pretty big hands compared to me, but I guess you just don’t have the strength to only use a select few of your fingers at a time..”

I took Johnny’s hand and massaged it to get him to loosen up. I sat on the bench with him as I did so.

“So, y/n! Are you from California?”

“Eh, no. I’m from h/s. But I’ve been here most of my life..so it’s like I’m from here. What about you?”

I switched hands now. He stretched out his right hand from the massage.

“Nope, I’m from Kentucky. Born and raised.”

I giggled and continued loosening his joints.

“How old are you if you don’t mind me asking? And what made you want to work as a piano teacher?”

I smiled and looked into his eyes.

“I’m 25. I started working here when I graduated university. When I was a teenager I was obsessed with playing the piano and I loved teaching my cousins and friends how to play. Of course none of them got very far..but I enjoyed it while it lasted. So I decided, what better job than to be a piano instructor!”

He laughed and looked over at the black and white keys.

“What do you do?”

He turned his head and looked back at me.

“I’m an actor. I’m surprised you haven’t recognized me by now, I am pretty big in the acting industry.”

He fixed his collar and ran a hand through his hair.

I laughed and nodded my head.

“I kinda thought you were familiar, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

He looked at me with sympathy.

“Well, that’s very kind of you Ms. Y/n.”

I smiled at him and got up from the bench. I touched Johnny’s shoulders and forced them to face the piano.

“I’m going to show you a few exercises that you can practice while I search for that sheet music. These exercises will help you earn more muscle in your fingers and dexterity in your left hand as well as your right. Do you play any other instruments?”

He sat up straight and looked up and over at me as I asked the question.

“Yes, I actually do. I usually play guitar, though.”

He looked down at the tiny scars on his fingertips, probably from the guitar strings.

“Oh, that’s good! So it will be pretty easy for you to build up dexterity, since you probably have strong muscles in your hands already from playing guitar. But I would rather you do both exercises because your hands still need to learn the keys and the distance between them. Your hands will feel tired and stretched, but that’s what we want!”

He nodded and turned back towards the keys.

I slowly introduced him to two of my favorite exercises that mainly specialized in helping muscle build and dexterity. After he got the hang of both of them I finally started to look around for ‘The Maiden’s Prayer’.

“You are doing great, Johnny! One of the easiest students I’ve had!”

He smiled and continued to practice the keys I told him to press.

I stood up from looking in the lower shelves of the bookcase that stretched from the floor to the ceiling and caught a glance of outside through the window.

“Oh my, it’s that time already?”

Johnny abruptly stopped and looked my way.

“Oh wow, time really does pass when you are having fun!”

I giggled and walked over to Johnny.

“It was so nice to meet you, Johnny. I hope that you will be consistent with your lessons.”

I smiled and winked.

He smiled back and reached his hand out. He brushed back my stray hair and let his hand linger on my cheek for a few seconds.

“The pleasure was all mine, really, Ms. Y/n. Thank you for being so considerate and passionate.”

I felt as if my legs were going to buckle beneath me.

“O-of course! Come back soon, please”

He handed me a card and pushed his glasses up on his nose.

“My number is on there, you know, in case there’s a mishap. Or since it’s you, call me anytime.”

I blushed and held his card with my hands. Treasuring it.

“I’ll see you soon, Ms. Y/n.”

“I hope to see you soon, as well, Johnny.”

He couldn’t help himself and closed the gap between us. He had his arms wrapped around me as I too had my arms wrapped around him. His words would sound muffled and incoherent to most, but to me, they were as clear as the sky was blue.

“Thank you. For being different.”

[pumpumdemsugah]

Internalized misogyny within women runs deep. More and more that is being made more clear. How are we going to fix this? Some women with internalized sexism can't be helped at all. It feels so pervasive. The rise of tradwife tumblr and the way women reacted with the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial.

I don't waste my time trying to change people's minds. Proper change requires interest on the other person

Some women will never learn and I don't care about saving them. There are too many women who don't worship men and you don't need to rip your hair out when you're talking to. Making like minded friends helps

Having friends who don't pearl clutch for men helps. Nothing is worse than women who want to be fair to an imaginary man when you're being dramatic.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is not let riff raff corrode your own progress and ideals. Most people don't change their mind straight away and there's no quicker way to become demoralised than talking to the most lost women

This trail has just made that hard to avoid.

[7soulstars]

Could I request 19 for Johnny Depp? I love your fics !! (: 😁😁🥰🥰🥰

Finally someone requested from the Prompt List ! Thank you so much! I really hope you do not mind that I used a younger Johnny in this fic! Also thank you for being patient with my lazy ass. I hope you like this!

I Wanna Be Yours

Prompt 19. “ Can we please stop saying the word 'sugar daddy’? I think my parents will appreciate it more if it’s Glucose guardian.”

Pairing: Johnny Depp x Reader 

Warnings: Johnny is a SIMP (I am too but that is I R R E L E V A N T), Y/N is dumb sometimes and I wanna yell at her, Pining,Fluff.

Summary: Johnny just wants to be Y/N’s .Well, he just doesn’t know yet.

............

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner

Breathing in your dust

“I really need to clean up Johnny ! My date’s gonna be here in an hour !”, she whines as she makes grabby hands at the air and shooting up out of her bed in panic as she looked at him, “I HAVEN’T EVEN DRESSED UP!”. “I’ll clean the room, you go get dressed”,he volunteered with a fake smile. “You are the best roommate I could ever have I promise this is the last time I’ll make you do this!”, she yelled as she ran towards the closet after blowing him a kiss.It wasn’t the last time.

I wanna be your Ford Cortina

I will never rust

“Hey Y/N ! Need a ride? Your friend can come too !”, the boys smiled at her from inside as she looked at him with an interest .”You go ahead I’ll walk home....”, he smiled. She smiled back sweetly as she got into the Ford peeking out of it’s window. “I’ll wait for you at home”

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot

He set the cup beside her desk as he walked in. “You are literally the only reason I have not gone insane yet...”,she dragged as she looked up from her test notes and books the red tint on his cheek going unnoticed by her. Although she said that for the 6th time already.

You call the shots, babe

I just wanna be yours

Let’s go out to eat ! I saved money and it’s on me”, shse argued as he kept refusing and he finally gave in. “Tell me where should we go?”, she plopped her head on his shoulder as she didn’t see him smile. “Anywhere...”, he said, “I’ll go anywhere you want to go."

Secrets I have held in my heart

Are harder to hide than I thought.

Sometimes when she was sad she’d keep looking at her wallet and smile a bit. She always hid it when he was close. She’d never leave that damn wallet that he wanted to rip off ever alone.

Maybe I just wanna be yours

I wanna be yours

I wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

That’s all he ever wanted.

Let me be your 'leccy meter

And I'll never run out

“Get a sugar daddy to pay your bills Y/N!”, teased the girls playfully and he heard them very clear. He always sat on the table next to her with his friends at lunch. “ Can we please stop saying the word 'sugar daddy’? I think my parents will appreciate it more if it’s ‘Glucose guardian’ ”, she shot back with equal humor. “And what kind of a person would your ‘Glucose Guardian’ be ?” another asked. “An actor I guess ? I just want someone to love me and show me off and they’re all cool too.....”,she said dreamily. He had decided enough.

Let me be the portable heater

That you'll get cold without.

“You know it’s going to be lonely once you leave. No one to place my winter cold hands on....”, she said dramatically as she leaned against the kitchen, heels digging the floor as she fidgeted with them, looking at him packing his clothes. He laughed as hs mind told him the opposite. “I’ll be back before you realize also I have fixed the heater ”, he joked. “That’s not what I meant you meanie! You won’t even tell me why you’re going !”,she pouted as he laughed for the last time before leaving.

I wanna be your setting lotion

Hold your hair in deep devotion (I'll be).

Three knocks on the door and she opened it. Her mouth wide open before she squealed and hugged him. “Your hair grew longer !”. He thanked the heavens she noticed. “I love it!” She loved it. “I’m gon’ be usin’ your setting lotion a lot now”, he joked as he savoured her gasp.

At least as deep as the Pacific Ocean

Now I wanna be yours

He kept glancing at her at the beach they went together as he signed pictures. She’d only look at him, smile and then give a thumbs up. His cheeks dusting pink again. She was proud of him. But she won’t notice him. That is all he could think about.

Secrets I have held in my heart

Are harder to hide than I thought

This time she was leaving. For him it was harder than he thought. “I’ll miss you Y/N”, he said as he helped her with her suitcase. She wouldn’t say anything. She knew she wouldn’t be back here. “I’ll meet you soon”, she smiled giving him a hug and pushing him back inside.

Maybe I just wanna be yours I wanna be yours

I wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

Wanna be yours

That’s all he ever wanted. All he couldn’t say.

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner 

Breathing in your dust 

She stopped at her doorstep.Hearing the vaccum’s sound from inside her house. A bouquet lay on the doormat a strange feeling erupts.

I wanna be your Ford Cortina 

I will never rust .

A ford sat in the driveway as she pushed open the door. There Johnny stood smiling with a machine as he looked at her with the sweetest eyes. Her wallet lay open on the dinner table. His picture in it all along. “Do you still need a Glucose Guardian?”,he questioned as he looked at all the degrees and certificates lined up on the wall. “No but I do need a lover with whom I can love and sing along....”

I just wanna be yours 

I just wanna be yours 

I just wanna be yours 

They wanted to be each others. All this time along. Just shy to say it. There was nothing wrong. The wait was worth it. Just like the song. They were now each others. They’ll be all along.

---The End---

Yaaay! I really hope you like this! Young Johnny is a babie I love him so much🥺🥺! I really tried to do something I never do so I have no idea if this has turned out well so please do tell me🥰! I really wish more people would ask from the prompt list. It is really amazing for me to write and think about ! Do not hesitate to send me fic requests and please like, comment and reblog my work if you like it to support me! Please do not plagarise my hardwork! I hope to hear fromm you more!

~Love, Hri

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

80s movie prompt: Geralt started his own construction company right out of high school, but its only been a year and currently its just him. He has been hired to redo the roof and siding of the Pankrats' summer cabin and is allowed to stay there while he works but he isnt expecting the Pankratz prodigal son to return from his year at Oxenfurt and (taking one look at Geralt) decide he wants to spend the summer there too. Cue skinny dipping, sunsets, bonfires, and cuddling under the stars! ❤😏🥰

(Truly nothing could be as adorable as this. I’m going to make it very long so...oops)

Geralt is 23 and Jaskier is 21 in this story

---

Geralt hears the mysterious visitor approaching before he sees them. He’s extremely confused as to why anyone is coming out to the Pankratz family cabin at all; he was supposed to be out here fixing the roof by himself for the next week. There had been a storm earlier in the month and Mr. and Mrs. Pankratz had hired him (mostly out of obligation since he’d grown up next to them) to patch up a hole poked through the roof by a wayward tree branch.

They’d promised him a week alone at the cabin to hang out, thirty bucks for groceries, and (if they were impressed with the finished product) they’d even offered to spread the word of his small business around their workplaces. So he needed to do a good job.

Someone showing up out of the blue and clearly intending to use the property is...confusing, all things considered. Geralt climbs down from the roof and makes his way to the front of the little cottage to greet the stranger. 

“And then you put your arms around me And we tumble to the ground And then you say, ‘I think we're alone now, There doesn't seem to be anyone around.’“

The red convertible’s engine cuts and the radio goes just as silent. The driver, a boy maybe a year or two younger than Geralt’s twenty-three, lifts his sunglasses from his shockingly blue eyes and stares back at the construction worker. 

Like two dumb, gay deer stuck in each other’s headlights.

“Uh...hi?”

“Who’re you?” Geralt asks stupidly.

“Julian Pankratz. My family still owns this cabin, right? They didn’t sell it and then forget to tell me? I always come borrow it for a week at the end of July.”

“I’m just, uh, here to fix the roof.”

“Oh. Was it that nasty storm?”

“Yeah. Tree branch. I’m Geralt, by the way.”

“Cool. Julian, like I said, but I’d prefer it if you called me Jaskier.”

“Nice to meet you then, Jaskier. I’ve been staying in the guest room but I can move to the couch if you want it instead,” Geralt suddenly offers. Jaskier seems taken aback and waves his hands in front of his face.

“Wouldn’t dream of it! I’ll take my parents’ room.”

“Oh. Yeah, that works.”

Jaskier vaults over the door of the cherry-red Mustang and Geralt tries not to gulp visibly. Why the fuck is this adorable twink wearing a crop top?! Sure, Geralt had a few of his own cutoff shirts in his bag somewhere to use when it got too hot but he didn’t want to burn his shoulders during a job, but this kid was stylish. This was as calculated as Johnny Depp’s look in Nightmare on Elm Street. 

The suddenly anxious contractor licks his lips and returns to the roof. He was only here to do a job, after all. There’s really no point in watching Jaskier meander down to the beach with a towel. No point in casting a few scattered glances as the gloriously slender man removes his shirt and lays down to tan. 

But Geralt can’t help himself. Jaskier is, unfortunately, really fucking cute. 

---

“So my parents didn’t bother to tell you that I was working here this week?” Geralt asks. He prods the dying fire with a stick and watches as the embers catch against a new log. Jaskier is wrapped in the softest looking burgundy sweater that Geralt had ever seen. His cutoff denim shorts were fraying at the hem, just above his knees, and the construction worker had to work to tear his eyes away.

Jaskier was, for lack of a better word, incredibly pretty.

His caramel bangs were feathered and side-swept. His eyes were a bright and sparkling in the flickering light of the bonfire. “My parents don’t talk to me a lot. They’re not super comfortable with my whole, uh sexuality.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t sound surprised.”

“Would it be rude to say I’m not? I mean, I’ve been to enough gay bars to know what a twink looks like.”

“Oh so you...”

“Mhm.”

Jaskier’s smile takes on a slightly predatory edge and he slides closer in the sand, his hand fluttering up to Geralt’s knee. “Well.”

---

Three nights later Jaskier is laying with his head on Geralt’s chest, staring up at the dark sky above them. “You’re so soft,” the contractor mutters. His thumb is making slow circles on the skin of Jaskier’s upper arm. 

“Moisturizer,” the younger man shrugs. 

“You’re soft on the inside, too,” Geralt clarifies. “Like a fairy tale princess or some shit.”

“You’re like...hmm. I don’t know what you’re like. You’re very unique.”

“I’m just another kid who couldn’t afford college and started his own small business doing manual labor in the American Midwest.”

“You make yourself sound like a Stephen King protagonist.”

“Maybe not that tragic or romantic,” Geralt scoffs. Jaskier rolls up onto his elbows, head dangling just above Geralt’s. A pair of honey-hazel eyes blink drunkenly up at him. They may have broken into his father’s tequila stash (he can replace it later) and they may be a little tipsy.

“Oh you reek of tragedy and romance, my broody, winter-haired darling,” Jaskier giggles. He slides his nose back and forth against Geralt’s and listens as the older man rumbles happily beneath him. “May I kiss you?”

“Feel free.”

Jaskier presses his lips down against Geralt’s the world lights up around him, even in the dead of night. Oh, there’s something incredibly special about the elusive, quiet construction worker. 

“Oh Geralt,” he gasps, pulling away for only a moment, “I think I might love you.”

[ficdump101]

SOMEBODY YOU LOVED.

JEON JUNGKOOK

GENRE: ANGST! ANGST! ANGST!

WORDS: 1787

REQUESTED? YES! BY @jeonchristineimnida​

PERMANENT TAG: @dreamescapeswriting​

A/N - SO I’VE DECIDED THAT ANGST IS UP AND RUNNING. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, IF NOT I’LL RE-WRITE IT :)) SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES

Drowning. That’s what you felt. This is what you had boiled down to, an over worked and stressed shadowing accountant with, according to your boss, nothing to amount to. You were laid in bed, where you had been for the past two days, procrastinating on your workload and trying to recover from the recent dispute with your sister. Recent events had broken your heart beyond repair and made you want to hide from the world, making you (unintentionally) avoid your nephew. Your sister had rang and expressed her distaste in your actions stating, that you ‘sort yourself out and get back on track in his life or you can fuck right out of his life all together’. If only she could understand. If only you could express what you were feeling. If only he let you down slowly. You could feel the heartbreak tenfold at the mere thought of him, a wave of sadness started at your toes and rolled up your apathetic body. The tingling in your nose was a tell tale sign the tears were going to start building up but you were over crying. Over feeling like your world had been flipped upside down and something was ripped from you. This wasn’t his fault, you knew that. It was a mutual breaking up… but it wasn’t. You had loved him with all your being but he was the one who fell; he fell out of love with you and maybe you were the problem. You had rang Namjoon earlier in the week and spoke to him about everything - he had tried to give you advise on ‘moving on’ with your life but it didn’t work, all the distractions you had used failed because they reminded you of him. The music reminded you of all the times you had slow danced through the kitchen or when you had random dance parties to make you take a break from the assessments - it always worked. Painting made it worse, you always seemed to be painting his doe eyes and perfectly plump lips - he was all you thought about. You knew this wasn’t healthy for you but you couldn’t bring yourself around to care, days bled nightfall and you were surviving on coffee and red wine. Thinking back to your last face to face conversation made all of your fears of why the breakup happened become more realistic.

X

You and your boyfriend had been laid in his bed watching ‘Cry-Baby’, he was propped up on pillows with his head resting on the head board. Your head rest on his shoulder, humming along to Johnny Depp singing ‘Doing time for being young’. He had asked you earlier in the day to tell him 2 of your insecurities, you had straight away chickened out and told him that you’d tell him later. Well, this was later, and your random boost of confidence had decided to show.

“I’m insecure about my body.” You blurted out randomly, causing him to look down at you.

“What?” He chuckled, shuffled a little down the bed so he was face to face with you.

“You wanted to know what I’m insecure about. There’s a lot of things but my body is one of them. I also have the feeling that I’m not enough to be in a relationship with, and that you’re going to leave me eventually.” His answer felt like a warm hug, but the person hugging you is holding a knife to your back.

“Don’t worry. I’m not leaving you any time soon.”

X

 That was a load of bullshit. Not even two weeks later, he was messaging you to say that he felt bad for stringing you along when he held no feeling towards you any more. You agreed with him - letting your moment of happiness disintegrate into the ashes of self-doubt and loneliness. You let these feelings wash over you as you bathed in them - your hair matting and sticking to the back of your neck, your body feeling burdensome with no need or motivation to move and the skin of your cheeks feeling dry and stiff from all the tears that had been spilled but not wiped. You had tried to explain to your sister - tried to explain what it felt like to have part of your soul ripped from your body and you needed help. But every time you picked up the phone and typed out a text, you’d backspace it all and place you phone back down. You knew that if you could explain she’d help, you two were close sisters, more like best friends; you knew she would drop everything to help you out, just like you would (and have done) for her. You remember when her ex-boyfriend, and father of her child, left her when she was 8 months pregnant. You had took a leave from university, explaining your situation to your tutors and with the mutual decision of working from home, you hunkered down at her house. You pulled her through the pit of tar called depression and put her back on track the best you could - she started helping herself after that and you were the backbone, you were there for her when she stumbled and throughout the pregnancy. You wanted her help, hell, you needed her help but you couldn’t bring yourself to mess up the equilibrium of her now oh so perfect life. If only you could open up, you could be in a different place now. Last week, Jimin had showed up at your door (well let himself in really) and pulled you up from your bed - he quickly washed your face and pushed your hair up, stating that you were only going to a cafe and then McDonalds on the way home. You were clad in sweats and a hoodie pulled up over your head with drawstrings pulled, keeping your face covered. You weren’t sure if you were ready for this. You were sat in the small cafe a couple blocks away from your house and you were a mess; half crying into your caramel ice-tea as Jimin read through the text conversation with your ex, sewing venomous insults here and there as commentary. You were suppose to be happy for the distraction, but you were surround by couples who were deeply in love and this cafe was where you met him. He slipped you your drink, which he paid for, with his number and a kiss on the side. It was sweet… Bitter-sweet. You didn’t understand what you had done, he showed no sign of ‘falling out of love with you’ at all. You took your drink with you as Jimin ran you back home, of course you enjoyed your time with him and thanked him for his attempt at a distraction, but as soon as he left you were left alone to your destructive thoughts. In your heart was a gaping hole which you had no idea on how fix. You grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and launched yourself back into bed with the chicken nuggets Jimin had bought you, you wished he could’ve stayed the night but he was a busy superstar. You fell into a peaceful alcoholic pipe dream.

 X

You woke up to his face inches away from yours, a small smile gracing his features.

“Good morning baby. Sleep well?” You could feel the warmth of his body and duvet wrapped around you. You peered up at him, he was breathtaking, especially in the morning. You nodded slightly, kissing his jaw as the tears welled up in your eyes. You loved him more than life itself and here he was in front of you, closer than he had been to you in the past 2 weeks. His brows furrowed as your hand caressed his cheek, tears slipping down your cheeks.

“Hey now Jagiya, don’t cry. Pretty girls like shouldn’t be crying.” He pulled you close, his hand on the back of your head making you bury your face in his bare chest.

“You’re going to be okay, I promise.”

X

 You opened your eyes with your hand griping the pillow in front of you. Your other arm flung behind you as you patted the bed searching for him. You were met with the cold, fully made side of your bed, there was no lingering heat. He was never there. You cheeks felt wet and cold as your heart sunk into the pits of your stomach as you turned onto your back, facing the ceiling. You could no longer smell bis sent despite wearing on of his shirts and you wish you could, the smell could comfort you in the worst of times. But no comfort was offered. You slowly climbed out of bed, taking the empty wine bottle with you. You trudged out of your bedroom door and down the dim hallway towards the kitchen. You passed the living room keeping your eyes downcast in an attempt to avoid the happy memories that were laced throughout your apartment. Ranging from the times you’d fallen to sleep on the sofa with him watching random films to when you had a water fight between the kitchen and front door. You made you way past the sofa into the kitchen, placing your empty bottle beside the sink and opened the fridge. You pulled out a sausage roll when you heard your notification tone, it was either TikTok, YouTube or Instagram. Taking a big bite, you sat on the kitchen bar stool and unlocked your phone. You paused mid-chew as you saw that it was a notification that one of the boys had gone live as a surprise, you clicked on it and made a bet with yourself in your head. If it wasn’t Tae then you would order pizza, if it was then Chinese it was. You watched the blue screen load as the video came on. Well it wasn’t Tae. The man looked happy and at peace, you couldn't tell what hurt more, his eyes that held that certain sparkle which showed how happy he truly was or how broken you felt by the fact that he was fine. Jeon Jungkook was perfectly fine.

[tabloidtoc]

OK, May 10

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Inside Kim Kardashian's Wild New Single Life

Page 1: Big Pic -- Jenna Dewan enjoyed a stroll around her L.A. neighborhood with 13-month-old son Callum, whom she shares with fiance Steve Kazee, in a stroller

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: The world watched as Prince Harry came face-to-face with the royal family for the first time in over a year to say farewell to his late grandfather Prince Philip, and now that he's back home in Montecito, California, with pregnant wife Meghan Markle and their 23-month old son Archie, Harry's been reflecting on the emotional reunion and preparing for what lies ahead in the coming months -- although the trip inevitably had its share of awkward moments, he's generally happy with how it went, and things had been especially frosty between Harry and The Firm following his televised tell-all, but the main thing is they broke the ice, and he's finally communicating properly with his family again -- in fact, Harry is said to have enjoyed low-key meetings with several relatives before heading back home to the States, including his grandmother Queen Elizabeth and cousin Princess Eugenie, although he did not have a one-on-one chat with his estranged father Prince Charles and it was more of a civilized catch-up than an intense sit-down because it wasn't an appropriate time to delve into recent tensions; however, Harry did take the opportunity to reassure everyone it wasn't his intention to upset them and that he loves them all very much and they, in turn, echoed their affection for him and they mutually agreed to keep moving forward positively and constructively and there's a still a lot of unfinished business, many are hopeful that all will be resolved when Harry returns to the U.K. for a memorial honoring his late mother Princess Diana on July 1 and this could be Harry's last chance to sit down with his family and properly repair things and Harry and Prince William have both agreed to meet before the event and have a frank discussion about how they can do their best to fix the damage that's been done and air their grievances in a calm and pragmatic manner

Page 6: Next spring, Johnny Depp and his ex Amber Heard will head back to court in the latest installment of their ongoing legal drama, but this time, Johnny, who filed a $50 million defamation lawsuit against Amber following a 2018 op-ed where she detailed her experience as an alleged abuse victim, is determined to clear his name one and for all -- Johnny and his team have new and explosive testimony from two of the responding officers, plus new body cam footage, that they believe will finally turn things around in their favor and they're convinced it will show that Amber made up claims about their alleged May 2016 brawl in an attempt to ruin him and the video shows a neat apartment with nothing out of place, nothing broken or anything to suggest a knockdown fight had just occurred -- Johnny's always maintained his innocence and now he's confident this evidence will prove it and Johnny's also working on a tell-all that he intends to release as soon as he's declared innocent and the tome will vividly detail what happened on that night in 2016 and throughout their year-long marriage and Johnny feels Amber never really loved him and his friends warned him not to marry her, but he didn't listen, and he's paid a dear price for it

Page 7: A fateful chapter from Ashton Kutcher's past could be coming back to haunt him as he's being urged to take part in the upcoming documentary on his late ex Brittany Murphy and it's stressing him out to no end and so far, he wants nothing to do with it -- the documentary is going to look for clues as to why it all ended like this for Brittany, and producers want Ashton to tell his side of the story and the thinking is he may have little choice but to participate because he had a front row seat to Brittany's life, and her fans want him to shed light on what really happened

* Alec Baldwin and wife Hilaria Baldwin knew that having six kids would be a challenge, but they're realizing it's even harder to find nannies who are up to the task of tending to their brood because Alec and Hilaria have some pretty high expectations for the kind of people they want to employ and what the job entails and it's been a logistical nightmare hiring and scheduling a rotating team of caretakers -- in addition to children Carmen, 7, Rafael, 5, Leonardo, 4, and Romeo, 2, the parents welcomed baby Eduardo in September and their sixth child, Lucia, via surrogate in March -- long hours and multitasking are a must given the meal prep, diaper changes and homeschooling, plus the nannies have to know how to deal with a cranky set of kids without losing their cool and Hilaria's every bit the mother hen, so she won't settle for anything less than perfection

* Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna have had it with the romance between their daughter Amelia Hamlin and Scott Disick -- Amelia recently raised eyebrows when she was spotted with bruised lips, which often occurs after lip filler injections, and Harry and Lisa drew a line in the sand and they're concerned that Scott is convincing her to mess with her appearance, especially since she's talking about boob and butt surgery to keep his eyes off other girls and ever since the couple hooked up last October, Harry and Lisa have been sitting back and hoping that Amelia would come to her senses, but it's clear she's in way too deep now, and that they need to make their feelings known, but the worry is that Amelia will be pregnant before she knows it, so Harry and Lisa are ready to take the bull by the horns before Scott ruins their daughter's life

Page 8: It's been nearly four years since Matt Lauer was fired from Today amid a sexual assault scandal, and he's still being snubbed by his old Hamptons crowd -- Matt, who retreated to his waterfront estate in the celeb enclave after a colleague accused him of assaulting her at the 2014 Olympics, has done everything he can to regain his place in the community, but he's remained persona non grata despite his best efforts; he'll turn up to fancy events and be super friendly with everyone but most people just turn their noses at him -- the disgraced ex-anchor, who hooked up with public relations exec Shamin Abas after his 2019 divorce, has been talking to friends about marrying her in a big Hamptons wedding, but it's hard to imagine there'd be much of a turnout and people have had ample time to put out the welcome mat, but it seems like they've shut their doors on Matt for good

* Former Playboy Bunny Kendra Wilkinson has gone from living the high life to pounding the pavement to earn a paycheck, and she's missing the glam old days -- Kendra, who enjoyed a pampered existence as Hugh Hefner's girlfriend and Girls Next Door star, has had to bring home the bacon in the wake of her 2018 divorce from Hank Baskett to help provide for their two children, Hank, 11, and Alijah, 6, and being a single mom is a lot harder than she thought it would be and she currently resides in a humble Calabasas rental and recently snagged a job as a realtor and was hired by Kyle Richards' husband Mauricio Umansky and she's working long hours and weekends, and she looks pretty burnt out and Kendra tries not to complain and is sucking it up as best she can, but she can't help but think about the times when she didn't have to worry about bills and rent and could sleep in as long as she wanted

* He was once Hollywood's biggest bon vivant, but Jack Nicholson has become a total hermit, and friends are concerned that he's harder to get a hold of than ever and Jack's shut himself away in his hilltop home on Mulholland Drive, and everyone is worried about his state of mind -- the actor, who was last seen in public looking disheveled at a January 2020 Lakers game, says he just wants to spend his retirement in peace and quiet, but his loved ones wish he'd make himself a little more accessible -- Jack's admitted that he yearns for one last romance, but how can that happen when he's hiding at home? Jack turned 84 in April, and it's as if he's resigned to spending the rest of his life alone and it's so sad, but it seems there's nothing anyone can do for him

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars wow in sexy shoulder-baring dresses -- Ella Balinska, Renee Zellweger, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 11: Adrienne Warren, Martha Hunt

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Rainey Qualley vs. Celine Dion in Chanel, Melissa Wood-Tepperberg vs. Idina Menzel in Alice + Olivia

Page 13: Ellie Goulding vs. Charli XCX in Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood

Page 14: News in Photos -- Gavin Rossdale took his beloved dog Chewy with him to tennis practice in the park in L.A.

Page 15: Jeff Goldblum stopped at celeb hotspot Craig's for dinner with wife Emilie Livingston and their kids Charlie and River in West Hollywood, newly single Real Housewives of Orange County star Braunwyn Windham-Burke hit the beach in Miami, Natasha Lyonne continued filming her series Russian Doll in NYC

Page 16: Amber Rose enjoyed lunch with her son Sebastian whom she shares with Wiz Khalifa in L.A.

Page 17: Anchor Robin Roberts filled viewers in on current events during Good Morning America in NYC, Kristen Taekman got all gussied up at her home in NYC, Howie Mandel showed up to the America's Got Talent set in surfing gear in Pasadena

Page 19: Bling Empire's Cherie Chan and fiance Jessey Lee grabbed a bite with their daughter Jadore, pro wrestler Ariane Andrew (a.k.a. Cameron) fueled up with a healthy sip

Page 20: Wells Adams stocked up on some essentials at the grocery store in L.A., Rachel Brosnahan protected herself with an umbrella while filming The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel in NYC

Page 21: Jon Hamm and his new rescue dog Splash get some fresh air in L.A., Whitney Port in a beige sweater dress and matching boots while recording her podcast in NYC

Page 22: Selling Sunset's Christine Quinn brightened things up in designer duds while walking her dogs in L.A., Monique Green attended the drive-in premiere of her new series Big Shot in L.A.

Page 23: Irina Shayk and her daughter Lea De Seine walked hand in hand around NYC, friendly exes Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry take a stroll in L.A., Law and Order: SVU stars Mariska Hargitay and Ice-T snapped a photo together in between takes

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson's designer digs

Page 28: Home Town stars Ben and Erin Napier recently announced they're getting ready to welcome their second child, a girl, and the famously private pair, who chose to keep the news a secret to avoid any extra unwanted attention or stress, could not be more excited -- this baby is a miracle because Erin was told years ago that pregnancy would be unlikely due to a past health issue and when their first daughter Helen arrived, they were overjoyed, and they never imagined they'd be blessed with a second -- with Erin's due date just around the corner, she and Ben are busy prepping Helen to become a big sis and they have no doubt she'll be wonderful because she's very warm and empathetic toward others and she loves to hug so the baby will be extremely loved -- after the newborn's arrival, the busy HGTV stars will take some much-needed time off and they're a team, and Ben plans to be there to support Erin and make sure she gets her needed rest, but they both love what they do, so it won't be long before they're back in front of the cameras -- while baby No. 3 chatter has already begun, the college sweethearts aren't getting ahead of themselves and Ben and Erin always dreamed of having a big family, and if they can, there will be more children, but if it doesn't happen, then they will be quite content as a foursome

Page 29: Kacey Musgraves is head over heels for her new boyfriend Gerald Onuoha, but friends are worried that she may be rushing the romance -- Kacey, who hooked up with the Nashville-based doctor after calling it quits on her three-year marriage to Ruston Kelly in July, tends to jump into things with her heart and this relationship falls into that category and Kacey, who was spotted snuggling up to her physician beau while out and about in L.A., is on cloud nine with this guy, but when she has to hit the road again it's not like he can pull up stakes and follow her -- she's not thinking straight about the future, and her friends are bracing for trouble once reality sinks in and Kacey would be wise to slow things down and not get ahead of herself

* George Clooney turned the big 6-0 on May 6, and his wife Amal Clooney is being a bit of a birthday buzzkill -- George wants a big, booze-soaked sky's-the-limit bash in an exotic locale like Mexico or Italy with his old drinking buddies like Rande Gerber, but Amal is pushing for a quiet family celebration at home with their children Alexander and Ella, and it's led to a few arguments -- George figures it's his chance to finally let off steam and that it's his choice on how to mark the milestone occasion and he wants Amal and the other wives to come and join in on the fun, but watching George get wasted certainly isn't her idea of a good time and she sees nothing wrong with a dinner at home

Page 30: Harrison Ford is finally set to start filming the new Indiana Jones movie this summer, and his wife Calista Flockhart will be keeping a close eye to make sure he stays safe on the set -- Harrison has been training hard to get in shape and is feeling great, but at his age, you can understand why Calista is concerned and protective Calista plans to accompany Harrison as he shoots the fifth Indiana Jones installment in London and other locales and he's still capable of doing his own stunts, and a lot of it is thanks to Calista, who made sure he stayed fit with weight training and proper nutrition, but Harrison's going to have the best people in the business looking out for him so he doesn't get hurt again, otherwise Calista wouldn't have given him the green light

* It's barely been three months since Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker went public with their hot and heavy romance, and they're already talking about getting engaged and pregnant, not necessarily in that order and Kourtney fully believes this isn't just a honeymoon phase, but that Travis is the man she's going to share her dreams with -- as for Travis, he's been telling everyone he's hit the jackpot with Kourtney and Travis, who has two kids of his own, has already started shopping for rings and he's planning an ultra-romantic proposal because he's big on grand gestures and he's still looking for the perfect ring, but that doesn't mean the baby-making has to wait until it's on her finger

* Love Bites -- Zac Efron and Vanessa Valladares split, Brooks Laich and CrossFit athlete Katrin Davidsdottir dating, Tan France and husband Rob are having a baby this summer

Page 32: Cover Story -- Kim Kardashian single and loving it -- ready to mingle, an unattached Kim is having fun exploring her dating options -- she did all she could with Kanye West and now she needs to steer a new course for herself -- she's been relishing her single status and feels like she can finally breathe again -- Kim may be living it up, but her four children remain her primary focus -- the eligible bachelors who've caught Kim's eye: Drake, Rege-Jean Page, Brad Pitt, Lewis Hamilton

Page 35: Jennifer Aniston's on such good terms with her old flames she still talks to ex-husbands Brad Pitt and Justin Theroux regularly and has even stayed in touch with her former beau John Mayer -- Jen and Brad have a lot of complicated history, but she's glad they reconnected and are friends again and she thinks the world of Brad, and they support each other -- Justin recently revealed he and Jen text and FaceTime, and the divorced duo will always share a special bond -- although she and John split in 2009, Jen and the musician still hang out from time to time and they flirt here and there and when John's in town, Jen's down to meet him -- but friends are urging the star to finally and firmly move on from her exes and they think she needs a fresh start, and Jen's been on a few dates with someone who isn't famous and Jen's not looking to get married again, but she'd like to have a partner to share her life with and this guy could be the one, she's just got to give the relationship a fair chance, without any distractions

* Weeks after announcing she'd called it quits with Alex Rodriguez, Jennifer Lopez is feeling sad and disappointed and she didn't want to believe the rumors about Alex's wandering eye, but the Madison LeCroy thing was the last straw -- it's not the first time Jennifer's been fooled by a bad boy as cheating rumors plagued her romances with Sean "Diddy" Combs and Casper Smart and she's wiser now -- Jennifer's saving grace is she's got a jam-packed schedule so it won't leave too much time to be broken-hearted and she's a busy mom of two with a million projects up in the air so don't expect her to be dwelling on the past for too long

Page 36: Young and In Love -- Why wait? These stars were in their early 20s, or teens, when they tied the knot -- Olivia Wilde married an Italian prince when she was 19, Hailey Baldwin married Justin Bieber when she was 21

Page 37: Demi Moore married rocker Freddy Moore at 17, Uma Thurman married Gary Oldman when she was 20, Cher married Sonny Bono at 18, Macaulay Culkin married actress Rachel Miner when he was 18

Page 38: Jessica Simpson married Nick Lachey at age 22, Kate Hudson married rocker Chris Robinson when she was 21, Drew Barrymore married when she was 19 for only 19 days

Page 39: Janet Jackson married R&B singer James DeBarge when she was 18, Kim Kardashian eloped with a music producer when she was 19, Solange Knowles married and a baby at 18, LeAnn Rimes married a backup dancer at 19

Page 40: Interview -- Anya Taylor-Joy thrilled to pieces -- The Queen's Gambit star is still processing her phenomenal success

Page 42: Role Models -- like mother, like daughter -- these stars are inspiring their kids to stay healthy and fit -- Brooke Burke, Gisele Bundchen

Page 43: Cindy Crawford and Kaia Gerber, Christie Brinkley and Sailor Brinkley-Cook, Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba

Page 46: Style Week -- Saweetie has a new sunglasses collaboration with Quay

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- stand out with a statement piece from the 8 Other Reasons x Draya Michele capsule collection

Page 49: Make Me Blush -- follow spring 2021's hottest beauty trend and create a flush with a pop of peach, pastel pink or terracotta -- Mindy Kaling

Page 50: Mother's Day Gift Guide -- Molly Sims

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Reality Check -- your small screen guilty pleasures are back and here are all the details -- Bar Rescue, The Real Housewives of New York City, Teen Mom 2, Million Dollar Listing New York

Page 58: Buzz -- The ACM Awards in Nashville -- Carrie Underwood and CeCe Winans, Keith Urban and fellow emcee Mickey Guyton, Kenny Chesney and Kelsea Ballerini

Page 59: Blake Shelton, Chris Young and Kane Brown, Miranda Lambert and Elle King, Jimmie Allen and Brad Paisley, Maren Morris and husband Ryan Hurd

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Jessica Alba on not being afraid to complain, Justin Theroux on dating, Jodie Turner-Smith on her and Joshua Jackson being perfect partners, Rob McElhenney on expectations of men in Hollywood

Page 61: Chrissy Teigen on her break from Twitter, Courteney Cox showing off her extremely organized kitchen on Instagram, Lance Bass on the basic thing in his past he'd like to move on from, Amanda Seyfried on confiding to the Mank costume designer about her pregnancy, John Stamos on getting together with wife Caitlin, Eiza Gonzalez on developing body confidence

Page 62: Horoscope -- Taurus Henry Cavill turned 38 on May 5

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Rege-Jean Page

[zoobus]

🔥

I dare Tumblr to lose my post again🔫

People in general have a very narrow idea of what qualifies as abuse and who can be an abuser and that makes it extraordinarily difficult to discuss it in places that don't already agree with you. This goes beyond whether there's a difference between spanking your kids vs beating them - The Johnny Depp situation brought this to the front of my mind, the countless people smirkingly telling on themselves - if that shit makes Johnny an abuser, my mom's an abuser 🙄 my dad is. My boss is. I'm an abuser🤪

All said in confidence and in good humor, because they don't actually view what happened (to Amber or to themselves or to the people dependant upon them) as TRUE abuse.

1. It's not abuse because this person loves me/your abuser never loved you or they wouldn't be an abuser. This is a really popular sentiment across the spectrum and I'm not sure why? Maybe people find it helpful, but I don't follow. I would describe my childhood as abusive, my parents as controlling and in that "children are property more than people" camp. They still love me. I don't doubt that at all. Them loving me does not negate the abuse or the damage done. People can love you and still harm you. They are not entitled to your forgiveness or reciprocal love. You love me, okay. What's that got to do with me?

2. Can of worms: I think we should show more empathy to abusers who were also abused. This is difficult to wrap into a single point but this is more about if we accept that victims often don't perceive themselves as such because they have internalized their treatment as the norm, and need some paradigm shift to reconsider otherwise... I feel like that also applies to abusers who don't see themselves as such. A lot of anti-abuse rhetoric amounts to "lmfao just don't hurt people, it's not that fucking hard" and yeah that is not actually useful -sincerely zoo "my father constantly told us of the horrible acts of physical and emotional violence his father committed against him, thus I am now instantly distrustful of anyone who says they want to become a parent so they can be the mom/dad theirs never was, because i already know your barometer for what constitutes suffering is fucked up" bus

3. The tendency to trivialize our problems by way of starving-children-in-africaing is harmful framing. How can you recognize your parents putting extensive child blocks on your computer and expecting you to hand over your phone for them to review because they don't want their 17yo straying from God's path as abuse? My 40 something aunt still has whip burns on her back from her father's style of parenting I'm going to use the same words to describe my plight of being given a FREE phone and pc?🙄🤪 It's an escalation no one wins because

-me, abused? I'm only being yelled at everyday. We're a loud family! It's not like my family is

-removing my door? Come on now, they told me it would happen if i couldn't keep my room clean. There are full grown adults who are

-not allowed to leave the house without their permission and explicit knowledge of where I'm going and who I'm with, with the expectation they will call those people among others to ensure I'm not lying does NOT constitute as abuse lmao😂 their house, their rules, plus they just want me to be safe. It's not like they ever

-locked me out of the house? Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🙃 was it cold and was i crying to be let in? Sure. Was I obedient from that point on? You better believe it!

4. It is nigh impossible to grasp the full extent of how abuse and constant stress affects you until you're out. Cringe tales time! 😬😎I was a bedwetter well into adulthood. It was humiliating and I was degraded for it often, sometimes publicly, more than likely in the hopes i would stop out of embarrassment. I was dragged to doctors about it, one who pulled an exaggerated face of revulsion, dramatically stepped back, and loudly whispered did I knew that wasn't normal for someone in my age bracket before aggressively insinuating I needed to tell her about the sexual abuse I was definitely experiencing (god i still want to fight this woman). I thought I was a freak, and I researched bladder surgery, anything that would fix me

Anyway, guess what stopped happening after I moved into my own apartment, could financially support myself, and had limited interactions with my family

Go ahead guess.

5. Just to end this on a kinda positive note, it's okay to forgive your abuser and/or let them back in your life if you so choose

I hear people say this is the norm, but I haven't come across it. sometimes people have fucked you over or hurt you in some way, and sometimes those same people can come back as better humans. They are not entitled to their forgiveness and they are not entitled a spot back in your life

But if you are accepting of it, if you are able to recognize that you didn't deserve what they did to you AND that they have genuinely changed into someone you might want in your life, it's okay and you're not a pathetic apologist, you're not a hypocrite, you're not turning your back on your younger self. Life throws curveballs.

[marauders70s]

So I just watched Crimes of Grindelwald and I have a huge rant list.

Spoilers (obviously). 

Also, I did not like hardly any of it, so I’m sorry. Don’t pick a fight with me after reading a post entitled rant list and then be upset that they are all rants.

- wow AMERICA yeah jo we know what you think of us. it’s obvious in our de-tonguing geneva-convention violating (i know it’s not around in 1927 okay) inhumane treatment of not just grindelwald but apparently all the prisoners and animals we keep in cages (i know our prison system is inherently terrible i’m very aware) but to transport him like a paralyzed stroke victim drooling to a thestral carriage on a Dark And Stormy Night really just is lazy writing on why we should dislike aurors without giving anyone a plot, dialogue, or exposition

- this guy who has been posing as Grindelwald....since the beginning? since when? they cut out his tongue?? but then? it’s just forked? there’s magic? like? could they grow the tongue back?? they can regrow bones in harry’s arm but okay

- this thestral carriage chase scene is really CGI explosion heavy turned actioned film and mostly consisted of me being like what. what. WHAT. wait what. wait who is that. what. why wouldn’t he just disapparate. what happens to these thestrals. okay. what. grindelwald can just dissolve wands since when can people do that why didn’t voldemort do that why didn’t harry do that this presents problems

- okay look david yates and co. you had this incredible opportunity to create an entire wardrobe of WIZARD FASHION in THREE COUNTRIES, most notably the fashion capitol of the world and what did you do you put every single person in trench coats and random muggle garb. Also, not even cool wizard hats. No. Just muggle bowlers and mobster hats.

- Does Newt have a job. If so, what is it? How can he pay for this lovely house with magical modifications? Don’t you have to get a contractor to put that in? Did he do it himself? How does he pay Sad Girl In Love With Protagonist tm? Does he pay her? How did they meet? Why do we never see her again?

- For a movie entitled ‘Fantastic Beasts’ we really gloss over looking at any of the in-house beasts, learning anything about them, or doing anything except a CGI palooza.

- Wow Queenie and Jacob are here ‘hope you don’t mind we let ourselves in’ ah yes rude american trope again. who on earth would do that. also this entire time jacob acts like a goon and newt is like let’s take the enchantment off and i’m like hi that’s hella nonconsensual you’re basically raping and kidnapping him and jacob is somehow okay with this. newt is somehow okay with this. 

- ‘please don’t read my mind’ um dude you’re talking AT her??? 

- movie glosses over how jacob got his memories back with a throwaway line of unbelievable dialogue. If obliviate only worked on bad memories, Hermione Granger really needs to go to family counseling with her parents. 

- mysterious postcard is exposition over really dumb journalism error that could have been easily fixed within seconds by sending an owl because owls don’t need addresses, something queenie conveniently forgets by not knowing how to find her sister

- queenie is a Dumb American for cheap laughs by letting a woman say something in french, laughing, and saying she doesn’t understand anything only for the droll French woman to repeat it in the exact monosyllabic voice. Apparently everyone entering/leaving a country needs to register a visa or something, which is conveniently circumvented by going through a muggle port? It’s unclear. Queenie herself does not seem to have registered.

- French Ministry of Magic is gorgeous. Has a cool roots to iron elevator. It is also probably improperly named as they put ‘American Ministry of Magic’ despite America not having ministries or ministers outside of some serious religious stuff. They put all this effort into creating MACUSA but didn’t use it.

- Is it just me or does the MoM change the interior every time I see it.

- Queenie is devastated she can’t find her sister in a city of millions despite having magic, a means of communication that is foolproof, and enough money to find a hotel and wait to meet up. Queenie is overwhelmed that other people think in their native language. Instead of finding this helpful for tuning out a crowded city (like she does on the daily in New York), she somehow finds it overwhelming even looking for Newt/Jacob. 

- Random woman is Silence In Queenie’s Head. I literally never learned who she was except Hard Bitch Kills Toddler. Or why Queenie can’t hear her thoughts. (Plot twist she’s Bella Swan).

- Toddler didn’t get his own little casket in the French mourning cart. Nice of Grindelwald to give a supposedly muggle family a funeral cart when he could have transfigured their bodies into armchairs or something. (Muggle supposed after he makes the remark about a ‘thorough cleaning.’)

- No one in Paris uses French in spellcasting. Spells are still English-based. 

- Dumbledore is a dramatic bitch for gloves and rooftops. It’s a very specific brand of Gay. 

- Don’t kill me but I don’t...hate? Jude Law as Dumbledore. He was still kind. But he wasn’t auburn and that was dumb. 

- Unclear why Jacob and Queenie have to live in shame and secret when they could move to another country especially when Jacob loves bread and would like Paris. This seems to be Queenie’s motivator which is thin as hell and I didn’t follow her ‘logic’ at all. LAZY WRITING.

- Queenie immediately doesn’t disapparate upon seeing Grindelwald. Queenie somehow gets into this rhetoric. Later Queenie does not get disgusted with apropos wizard-Hitler being like ‘they are lesser beings’ and she, who wants to marry one, is like ‘yeah they totally are because I’m basically Jacob’s mom.’ 

- Grindelwald, in addition to being played by Johnny Depp, is albino, has one mutilated eye with a bad color contact clearly visible in multiple scenes, and is British when it is specifically stated he went to Durmstrang and was expelled for Dark Magic (at Durmstrang, which is noted for its Dark Arts program). As an allusion to wizard-Hitler, I always inferred that Grindelwald was German or Austrian. 

- Wow Paris street magic carnival gave me LIFE and WOW and MAGIC feels. I loved the ducking through the barrier. 

- Weird freakshow circus gets blown apart but Newt only manages to catch one creature that is helpfully foreshadowed it can leap Paris in a single bound. It is a Chinese creature when no mention of Chinese magic, Chinese handlers, or any sort of Asian magic is referred to (except in the cringe-worthy case of the ‘South Asian blood curse of Nagini’ which is a whole other can of worms). In all likelihood, as China is one of the oldest civilizations, their magic and dragon worship would be more paramount. China cat’s serious Great Beast’s weakness is a cat toy. 

- Why is Nicholas Flamel....like that. Sure he’s like 600 years old but (a) is Jacob literally breaking his hand what the hell, (b) as much money and life as you could want does that mean he has to be like 100 years old forever that sucks that’s not even worth being immortal. (c) Where’s his wife. (d) When he goes to battle I thought he’d drink some elixir and be young again but...no.

- Nagini has no purpose in this movie other than to be snake slave and love interest and run around in a circus outfit with tits out bra off. She did not do a single useful thing.

- Wait I’m sorry WHAT you can like...fuck house elves now?? There are half-elves? How....you know what no thanks I don’t want to know.

- Credence, despite the last movie setting up an obscurial as like a suicide bomb, can relatively control mega destruction now and get back into his body fairly easily. No one even wonders why this lacemakers roof apartment exploded.

- Are he and Nagini in love? Are they escaped carnival freak bros? Why isn’t Nagini heading for the hills? She literally has no personality of her own at all.

- Paris is suspiciously white in this film. Especially for the 20s art renaissance. 

- I don’t know why Credence falls into Orphan Must Know Parentage Trope because it’s really overused and boring. And frankly the superfluity of ravens was really beating me over the head. Credence can like...do anything. He could get some money and go to a wand shop. He could just...disappear. I don’t know why he has to be so easy to track.

- By the way who is this weirdo tracking him for Grindelwald/the ministry. It’s very unclear. I never got his name. It’s probably one of the many death eater names they throw in to make sure you know these families great-grandparents are also running around being evil instead of, you know, regular people doing it. So he could be Travers. I guess. LAZY WRITING. 

= Now is a special segment on Hogwarts = 

- The layout of Hogwarts changes every time I see it. Why are the classrooms always different. Why would the wood still have carvings. Why is there a bridge over this lake which is different than the covered bridge leading towards the Forest that Harry and Lupin have a Serious Chat on. 

- YOU CANNOT APPARATE IN HOGWARTS GROUNDS. And don’t you try to tell me Dumbledore instituted that because it’s directly stated in Bathilda Bagshot’s Hogwarts, A History as being a longstanding charm with muggle repelling. 

- Everyone apparates onto the bridge and walks through the castle without anyone bothering them into the correct classroom right away?? Like did they get a copy of the teaching schedule? Did Peeves show them?

- Dumbledore did NOT teach DADA. Dumbledore taught transfiguration. He was still teaching Transfiguration when Tom Riddle went to school. So if Dumbledore is teaching Transfiguration, Minerva McGonagall would not be at Hogwarts because she taught transfiguration after Dumbledore. Pretty sure mcgonagall was too young in 1927 to be a professor. LAZY WRITING. 

- Just looked it up. Pottermore (official JK writing, btw) states that Minerva McGonagall was born in 1934. So she’s officially negative 7 years old and a professor. That’s GOT to be a record. Poor Rowan Khanna will never beat preconception tenure.

- Despite me being ecstatic to hear/see a young McGonagall, the camera never held still long enough for me to see a young McGonagall. Any far away shots only demonstrated despite this being 1920s, she was still dressing in the 1890s. McGonagall, despite the obvious laughs it was going for, would never use magic against a student.

- Haha this dumb neanderthal student is Grandpa McClaggen. 

- Dumbledore, being known for wearing really flamboyant robes, dresses in conservative three piece suit. 

- Why would you not go home for the holidays when you have to take care of a baby raven you can just put it in a box or your pocket for christ’s sake you’re carrying like 6 niffler babies at one time but you never even show them again

- Will say that young Newt’s casting is A++

- WHY ARE THE UNIFORMS NAVY BLUE. WHY DO THEY WEAR RED TARTAN SKIRTS. WHY DO THEY HAVE PHD EMBELLISHMENTS ON ACADEMIC REGALIA? Why do they have colored hoods when the original films (and books to boot) say all black robes. Why are these robes not even proper wizarding robes but just like...cambridge robes. 

- To be honest this boggart lesson is like?? insane?? how did it last for 70 years it’s honestly so unethical and cruel. I’ve ALWAYS thought this even reading it for the first time in POA I was like “people’s worst fears are spiders and mummies?” like my greatest fear even at 12 was people I love dying. The fact that Newt is more scared of a desk than Theseus dying is weird.

- “I don’t want to talk about my boggart” Leta LeStrange means there was an Incident where Dumbledore realized that some students don’t have Great Home Lives and yet persists in this lesson for the next 70 years knowing that multiple kids are going to have their parents abusing them as their greatest fear. 

- Corvus, as a name, just means Raven. How stupid. “Is your house crest a raven?” “Yes. Also my brother. Like if you were named Badger McHufflepuff.” “Oh don’t worry my name is just Lizard Lizard.” “Cool."

- No background or even hints at future background (e.g. they haven’t written it yet) on why Leta gets with Theseus even after the first film where he has a picture of Leta in his suitcase. 

- Theseus and Newt have no screen time interaction. They do not behave like brothers. They have no flashbacks. Even young Newt never interacts with his brother. There is no realism here that Newt says they have a complicated relationship or is annoyed by his brother. This exposition is just lazy writing with nothing on screen to back it up. 

- So you’re telling me Dumbledore had the mirror of erised for SEVENTY YEARS and yells at harry for looking in it for three nights. How did Dumbledore not go mad? Where did he get it? I feel like 70 years is a long time to have it. 

- I guess when you think about it yeah being 40 in the 1920s does put you on the mark to be 110 when Harry meets you but fuck the books did NOT explain HOW OLD Dumbledore was to me I always thought he was like hale and sprightly 70s/80s

- Okay so you’re looking in the mirror and going to just BRAZENLY FLOUT CANON and say his deepest desire looking in the mirror is to relive the memory of the blood oath? That’s exposition. That’s a memory. That’s a pensieve not a mirror. Your greatest desire has ALWAYS BEEN saving Ariana. And even if it was loving Grindelwald this is your GREATEST DESIRE like being together not reliving a blood oath just for the sake of audience explanation. LAZY WRITING. 

------ Back to other rants

- Most of this movie was me squinting being like ‘what’s the plot??’ and if there was a whiff of plot (”we all have to find credence’s birth records!”) most of it was me being confused “why does this matter?” “how did they all get there?”

- The confession of Newt trying to talk to Tina in the records room was painful. Not cute. Not even funny. Just so painful. It was like secondhand embarrassment but like...pity embarrassment. 

- I don’t know why Grindelwald has a map of a Parisian cemetery. I don’t know why he had to give it to Credence except as a big reveal. I don’t remember how Queenie got there. I genuinely DO NOT understand how Jacob got there much less passed through to the secret wizard place as a muggle. 

- No idea why the records lady was attacking them when Leta checked in twice (once as Tina). NO CLUE why they were the worst animated cats of all time or why they became multiple cats or even why when taken out of the French records they became even worse animated ‘real’ cats when they could have just used real cats. The entire chase scene was baffling and unnecessary. The records lady was not an agent of Grindelwald so no idea what’s up with her bee in the bonnet sorry for wrecking all your shit bye.

- I saw this movie less than an hour ago. I’m still confused how Leta, Newt, and Tina all teamed up or why they were cool teaming up or what. 

- This mausoleum has a Greek hellenistic statue of a man reclining for no apparent reason and these shelves are supposed to bear ashes right so why are you putting a dumb pop up book there. Why would Grindelwald’s agent remove the record in drag as an old lady? It was weirdly unnecessary. 

- Yosef’s exposition on how a white man literally imperiused and raped his mother was like WOW NO ONE IS GONNA EVEN TOUCH THAT???? and then for her to die in childbirth it’s like...my dudes wizards have cured so many diseases muggles haven’t you know they’re up there inventing the c-section with Julius Caesar and accio’ing babies out of utero like ‘gimme that catcher’s mitt she’s fully dilated.’ This whole “oh it was the 1900s” nonsense does NOT apply to magic. LAZY WRITING. 

- I immediately forgot what happened to Corvus’ mom. but whatever right? she’s just a disposable woman! this movie does NOT care about consent! much less women! haha they’re just flowers!

- ‘I killed my brother’ yeah i mean we saw that coming she was REALLY SURE he was dead. But I was 90% sure it was going to be a child accident like dropping him down the stairs or shaking him too hard to get him to stop crying and then swapping him with a live baby but no? so i don’t know i feel like you didn’t really kill him.

- this steamer going down is confusing. is it a muggle ship? if it’s a muggle ship than is Credence swapped a baby with...a muggle born wizard? Are their other wizarding families on the ship? If so then why did they drown? you can all magic out of there? your lifeboat wouldn’t go down? why even take a steamer ship to america? you can...apparate or portkey or floo or fly like this titanic nonsense makes NO SENSE. And if Papa LeStrange hates muggles so much why put his only children on an all muggle ship with a half elf (again why) who can’t do magic to protect them

- Finding Credence’s identity REALLY doesn’t need to revolve around the LeStrange’s sordid past. Steamer ships keep passenger logs. So. We really should leave the mausoleum now to go find that. 

- Yosef took an unbreakable vow to kill this white baby and it’s dead so is he released? He was released like...20 years ago. Why does he continue to hang out with these people? Your endless vengeance has rested? No need to team up with the sister you never knew? apparently (their family dynamic was also poorly/not explained). 

- Why is this mausoleum an underground amphitheater. Literally why it makes no sense. Is it supposed to bring up the first David Yates film OotP? I don’t know. It also has a lot of blue fire and people rapturing the fuck out of there (literally when did apparating involve staring up at the sky and blasting off in rocket smoke). Also in re this movie how can you be tracked after apparating (Newt/Dumbledore’s tail). 

- So if you touch this curtain do you automatically teleport to this amphitheater. Also what if you touched it by accident and were like OH SHIT HOW DO I GET OUT. Like wow this guy wasn’t kidding when he said there’s no wizard that can match him magically. This is like Charles Xavier Magneto Level 1 Mutant Power kind of shit. Not even Voldemort could do that. Big Power Too Big trope. Again. How did Jacob even GET there. 

- Johnny Depp wears leather pants. Costume department, get your act together.

- Grindelwald, continuing to be British, shows clips of the Great War, approx 1914-1918. While the tanks and biplanes were appropriate, there were also lines (assumingly?) to concentration camps and the nuclear bomb of Hiroshima, which wouldn’t take place until 1945. So is Grindelwald also a prophet? Is he a seer? They kept referencing this book of poems and prophecy but without letting us see it? it went along with my general ‘I’m getting the gist of this but not really the why because it doesn’t make sense.’ And then Grindelwald rumor mongers and uses fear tactics when one of the police aurors straight up KILLS A WOMAN like wow can we cool it with use of force/police brutality is this guy going to get written up or is he fire now? 

- Ethnically ambiguous Grindelwald supporter (only person of color) gets immediately incinerated for not being 100% sure of his side. When Credence feels the same way, he gets a couple of gifts. 

- Look, I didn’t start this way but I stan Leta LeStrange. She was honestly one of the only people and the only woman in this film with a personality. 

- Queenie stands still as weak, silly, expositional, dumb American. For those of you about to be like ‘She’s spying on Grindelwald! She’s the greatest legilimens that ever lived!’ I just want to beg you to reconsider because if you’re right and if the writers get wind of that you know they’re going to have her like teach little Tom Riddle something just BECAUSE everything has to connect. 

- Poor Jacob he seems okay with being stranded in another country. Is his bakery okay? Do his friends know he isn’t dead? He is super super super brave throughout this movie despite his main comedic strength in the other movie being nervous. But this time he’s like meh firefights and large monsters.

- Credence I understand going over. Nagini continues to not be a character and did not go with Newt and Crew. 

- Wasn’t even sad for Theseus because again, Theseus had little to no character development except being a Whipping Boy to authority. Theseus and Leta never interacted in any meaningful way. Their relationship didn’t even seem real. I wasn’t even sad.

- I feel like Leta isn’t dead though because who the fuck else is carrying this LeStrange line to give birth to Rabastan and Rodolphus. 

- At this point everyone apparates AGAIN to Hogwarts. This time I guess a ghost went and alerted Dumbledore because he’s waiting. But yeah like come on in for tea Newt but fuck all those kids they can wait here. 

- What is this plot?? Is there a plot?? What is going on??

- Who gives someone a wand like this hi I hid it up my sleeve touch me my boy I long for your touch.

- This is a phoenix, not a Raven. Newt is a sad ordinary bird but you’re a bright beautiful phoenix. Apparently phoenixes can grow up in ONE DAY. Foreshadowing Dumbledore is foreshadowing. LAZY WRITING this is so stupid. The books would have been EXPLICIT about a fourth child. 

- Maybe he’s a cousin. Close relative, perhaps? *Pleakley voice*

“He hasn’t got a brother?” 

Dobby shook his head. 

Literally where I’m at right now. 

- ABRUPT ENDING IS ABRUPT I didn’t even realize this was the end of the film because the score, cinematography, and writing did NOT cue me that this was winding down. I literally was like ‘how long does this last’ and then it was like DAVID YATES. Okayyyyyyy. 

- Anyway my sum feeling upon the lights going on was: what the fuck. was there a plot. there were so many loopholes. i was confused about many things almost the whole time because nothing was fleshed out and if they threw enough CGI at me I’d be patched up. 

Final rating: It matches up pretty well to the middle film of The Hobbit trilogy. 

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

first, this question is michael jackson and given what's come out about him, i want to put that out there in case it's potentially triggering. second, my question is, do you think it's ethical or right to consume media that is produced by abusers/rapists? like, i love mj's songs, really, but every time i listen to them, i can't help thinking i'm ignoring victims. i know this might be a loaded question, but i really appreciate your approach and thoughts. thanks.

I think that’s a really difficult question to answer, particularly since almost every single piece of media we consume is a collaborative effort and quite often a lot of the people involved in putting content out into the world are perfectly decent people who are innocent of any wrong and put a lot of work into producing that media. Even if you look at one of MJ's songs, like “Thriller,” for example. Michael Jackson didn’t write that song. He didn’t produce it. He wasn’t a sound engineer and he didn’t play any of the accompanying instruments. That song belongs to everyone else involved in the production as much as it belongs to him. So do we ignore their hard work? It’s a really awkward situation.

Furthermore, he’s dead, so he can’t benefit financially from the use of that song, and he was also never convicted of anything, which I think we can see from all of this Johnny Depp business is something we need to keep in mind. There’s a terrible cancellation culture on the internet right now wherein anyone can accuse anyone else of wrongdoing and that person is turned on immediately, whether or not they did anything wrong. I have no idea if Michael Jackson abused anyone. I haven’t watched the documentary because, having been abused myself and in a more fragile state of mental health than usual at the moment, it’s material that I don’t want to look at, but from what I hear the evidence is pretty damning. So if you feel it’s best to stop listening to his music, that’s a totally reasonable stance to take.

I will say this, though. You didn't hurt anyone, anon. You also can't fix the world by yourself. Would that we could all be staunch activists and stick tirelessly to a set of ironclad principles at all times, but we can't because we're human, and we have real lives and day-to-day mundanities that are going to take up our time and make it difficult for us to be morally “on it” all the time. That’s something I’ve learned about life the older I get, and it’s not something I allow myself to feel guilty about. You can't fight every single battle, and you can't avoid every single piece of media that was created or at least partly-created by someone who has been accused or convicted of rape or assault or abuse. I own Chicago on DVD and that was produced by Mirimax, but I’m still going to watch that movie because it’s a damn good musical and it is comprised of so much more than Harvey Weinstein.

Short answer: If you were ignoring victims or didn’t care about them, it wouldn’t worry you so much, so please don’t beat yourself up for listening to a song that you like. You’re not the one in the wrong, you are not condoning abuse and you did nothing to warrant that sort of guilt.

[littlemicrocosims]

need to vent about chocolate real quick

okay so some of you may know that I used to work for choccywoccydoodah (if you’ve heard of it, great, if you haven’t, i’m also not surprised). Choccy just went out of business and I just need to vent because all the news coverage (the few bbc articles etc there are anyway) are making me SO ANGRY so if you want chocolatey behind the scenes drama and what it was ACTUALLY like to be employed by christine taylor READ ON

The entire news coverage for this business going into administration is solely ‘oh what a shame this awesome creative business is gone! noone could have predicted it! such a shock we all loved it!” lIKE NO FUCK OFF IF YOU SPOKE TO A SINGLE PERSON THAT WORKED THERE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE AT ALL. This has been coming for YEARS. This company has been driven into the ground by Christine Taylor and if you ever watched the TV show i’m sure you have a little understanding as to why that is.

When I worked at the company (for about a year between 2016 - 2017), I was told many things by the owners. It’s a million dollar company, she said. It’s international. We make MAGIC. And yes, to an extent, they did make magic. The two Christine’s founded the company in Brighton in 1994 and carved a niche for themselves. They made amazing cakes for amazing people and I was so, so thrilled to be a part of it. The TV show had already ceased filming by this point, of course, and whilst the show was still running in some countries (the company was inexplicably popular in the Netherlands, I came to realise) the popularity of the show within the UK was something akin to marmite... Either you love it, or... well, you’ve never heard of it. I always knew the company and its running was unconventional - no safety training for the amount of physical labour you had to do, an incredibly stressful work environment, always expected to work unpaid overtime, the list goes on - but I loved it anyway. My manager was an amazing woman (and still is!) and I was keen to learn and master what I could. This is when the cracks started to show. Christine and Christine would make plans - we want to promote you, but we can’t promote anyone unless they’ve worked here over a year, we want to open a third store, we’re going to launch a side business, here’s a range of more affordable cakes that we are going to sell - but somehow, nothing ever followed through. They could barely afford to run two shops (one in brighton, one in central london, where i worked), let alone even CONSIDER opening a third. Their marketing relied solely on the now outdated television show and they refused to upgrade with the times. They weren’t without help - younger members of the team had plenty of suggestions and contributions but they were never recognised or accepted. I managed to convince them to invest in snapchat geo-filters (as all customers did in the shop was record and take photos). Not a huge step, but a small one in the right direction. This was once they actually ALLOWED people to film - for months part of my job was telling people to put their phones away! Why make edible art if you can’t even share it!? Their social media ‘team’ consisted of some guy who used to bake the cakes and got promoted to Christine’s PA. He could barely even spell, let alone maintain a facebook, an instagram, a youtube... To put it bluntly, they knew fuck all about promoting their own company and got complacent in how successful they had once been.

To compensate for this, the company began raising prices. The impractical “chunky bars” rose in price in the time I was at the company from £12.99 to £14.99, while cakes for 10 servings jumped from £35.99 to £40+. Commissions that staff had got and were promised for another quarter for bespoke cake consultations disappeared with no warning. They began outsourcing more and more chocolate, reducing the cocoa content of the chocolate they DID create, and staff began leaving. I thought the high turnover was normal. If you’ve watched the show, you know that Dave made all the magic happen. Well, people like Dave started leaving. Once the two Christines decided they didn’t like a member of staff, they would quietly sit and gather evidence of the smallest infractions until they had enough to fire you or play hardball until you quit before they could pull the trigger. I saw this happen to many, many members of staff in my time there. Luckily, they always seemed to like me, but I have a feeling that if I’d stayed any longer the same would have happened to me. It happened to their own son, who they demoted from operations manager in favour of the london store manager. He got no say in this. They never gave the new operations manager the payrise for her promotion for the year plus that she held the position (until closing) and they regularly expected her to work 6/7 day weeks as they refused to replace staff that were leaving. She was expected to continue to manage the london branch as well as manager the operations for the entire company. She HAD to work these hours just to make sure there was a senior member of staff in the building. This was around the time I decided the stress and constant crying when I finished my shift every night was too much, and I made the very hard decision to leave despite not having anything else lined up. I was in a fortunate position of living with my parents and having a safety net. Not everyone else had that. 

Since I left the company, things only deteriorated further. The Carnaby Street store (just off oxford circus, in central london) was deemed too expensive to rent, and they moved to covent garden, to a location my former manager oh-so affectionately refers to as “crack alley”. It was unsafe and I’ve been told that staff closing up in the evenings would regularly have to ask for backup as they would feel at risk within the store. The size of the team started to dwindle (the whole company was 50+ strong over both stores and the studios when I was there, it was 20-30 when it shut and the london store alone had 6/7 members of staff). More members of staff left without replacements. Then the inevitable happened - Dave reduced his hours, with an intention to leave, leaving very few people in the studio able to actually make the cakes (which were often dry and poorly made as it was, people regularly found bits of plastic in the cafe cakes and the cafes never even got what they ordered in the first place). Being incredibly secretive about her processes, Christine had staff sign an NDA to know the ‘secret formula’ for the modelling chocolate. Like it’s a goddamn krabby patty. So when Dave began to move away and the other staff from the studio moved on as well, instead of training anyone new to make the cakes, Chris decided she would just... price people out of them. She’d long since abandoned any premise of making affordable versions of her cakes for weddings and raised the minimum price of a bespoke design from £450 to £2,500!!!! The one thing her company was well known for and she priced everyone out of it. Just because she’s made a few cakes for celebrities (I helped design one for Jack Whitehall while I was there, but other big names include Tinie Tempah, Johnny Depp, Kylie Minogue, Boy George, the Game of Thrones launch party....) she arrogantly believed that her entire clientele could afford this, when actually her entire clientele was children who loved the show and their hard working families. These people simply cannot afford £50 for a 10 portion cake, or £30 for a slice of cake and a drink in a cafe. £5 for an outsourced chocolate coin! £20 for a bar of chocolate! She was out of touch, and arrogant, and stubborn. Other companies do it better and cheaper and she refused to ever acknowledge her competition, let alone follow through on any plans to be better.

The staff who were made redundant were barely even informed. No notice. They were told they had to vacate the building and haven’t even been paid for their last week of work, while the Brighton store continued trading for nearly a week. Because the company hadn’t gone into administration yet, they aren’t even able to claim redundancy from the government. Couples who have paid an eye watering amount of money for bespoke wedding cakes are being left up shit creek without a paddle while Christine retires to her bloody house in france to lick her wounds.

Other thoughts:

- Doggymoggydoodah was a shit idea, and poorly executed. - I’ve never met such a homophobic lesbian. She forced the manager to leave the building so she could drill her about her sex life without the repercussions of having these conversations inside the building because she knew she could get done for it if she did. - She’s a bully, plain and simple - the youtube channel posted a video YESTERDAY. who the fuck is posting on there? there’s been no action in 6 months and NOW IS THE TIME TO TELL ME HOW TO CUT ONE OF YOUR CAKES? - my old assistant manager literally robbed the company of several thousand pounds because she knew that christine couldn’t be bothered to get her security cameras fixed :) they couldn’t even get the proof to fire/charge her and had to settle for bullying her out of the company - christine would make us tell customers that we melted down display pieces to reduce waste but actually we just broke them down with a hammer and threw them in the bin. enjoy looking at that luxury easter egg knowing i literally stomped on it so it would fit in a binbag - that glitter on the cakes is not edible. it’s just non-toxic. - the chocolate they use for the modelling tastes vile. - the london stores had biiiiig rat/mice problems. We had to kill them ourselves! We trapped them in glue traps and stamped on them! I GOT PAID FOR THAT! - the brighton store was filthy and gross behind the scenes! If you’ve ever eaten in that cafe then I am sorry but the staff there didn’t like to clean :)  - that whole burlesque vibe isn’t child friendly, stop trying to combine the two, a cartoon drawing of your naked ass doesn’t belong in a cookery book you narcissistic twat!! - your chocolate is impractical and horrific to actually try and eat. there. I said it. it tasted good though. until you discontinued all my favs :(

THIS IS NOT A SURPRISE. THIS IS NOT A SHOCK. THIS BUSINESS HAS BEEN POORLY RUN AND UNABLE TO ADAPT FROM THE GET GO. Please don’t keep feeding this woman’s ego. She needs a sharp dose of reality and to face up to all the staff that she has let down. I was lucky to get out when I did but I know single mothers, people trying to afford to live in london who are now completely screwed over and out of a job. People who have given their lives to this dysfunctional company. I begged them to leave because I felt like this was going to happen but they were too loyal and devoted, and wanted it to turn around. My former boss is owed nearly £5k that she’s never going to get, and all those customers who put deposits down or heaven forbid paid the full balance on their cakes are without refunds AND cakes! Just please stop idolising Christine Taylor and look at the situation before you say how shocking and sad it is. 

Yes, this company was magical. But that ended a long time ago.

[boyinthestreet]

@roleplayhelps - so to start off, i want to say that i think the fact that you have now multiple times said that you doubted that people were abuse survivors is disgusting ( x, x ) - that said, i’m going to try and focus on some of the other issues that i have with how you’ve handled this situation w/o allowing that to influence me ( as much as i can anyways )

first of all; assuming that people are taking in the same news sources as you is extremely ignorant - i consume mostly local news / news relevant to my region of the world, just out of a desire to not worsen my mental health ( there’s enough going wrong in the world without trying to worry about it all ) and generally that doesn’t include hollywood news, because i’m not interested in that. i’m sure there are others who do the same.

secondly, you deflect a lot. people are upset because you called them scum of the earth and publicly called them out instead of addressing it privately? deflect ( x ) and point out that you’ve removed the ones you deem ‘innocent’ as if that fixes everything. someone point out that abuse survivors might not appreciate your tactics. deflect ( x ) and act like you don’t know why they’d be upset. you know what abusers commonly use as a method of control and emotional manipulation ? deflection, forcing others to question the validity of their feelings / situations by calling them liars or refusing to listen to them all together - it also helps takes attention away from their actions.

thirdly, you tell people to do their research and educate themselves but repeatedly claim that johnny depp almost had his finger cut off by amber heard and refuse to look into it yourself when people tell you that you’re wrong. you repeatedly also refuse to acknowledge that this is NOT a clear cut issue, and ignore that there were other witnesses who agreed that johnny was abusive towards amber - and that we do NOT have all the facts about what he is saying that she did. is it better to ban both of them? certainly, but nobody knows anything for sure despite what you seem to believe.

and then, i have a real issue with ‘i need explicit examples of where / how i’ve been out of line or it didn’t happen’ ( x ) - so what you’re saying is people saying ‘hey, it’s out of line to bring whole countries into the mix’ or ‘hey, you should have went to these rp’s privately’ or ‘hey, you shouldn’t call people the scum of the earth because you disagree with something about rp’ - isn’t an explicit example? ( x, x, x ) which people have done - in more or less words, perhaps.

finally, okay i need to discuss this as a survivor: refusing to believe people who say that they’ve been abused regardless of the setting / situation ( x ) makes you just as bad as the person that you’re trying to condemn. calling them liars, or dense, or hopeless or whatever and demeaning them is WRONG. they have stories & lives, are more than numbers or statistics and refusing to listen to them and then getting upset with them for deciding that the conversation isn’t worth having is awful. 

anyways, if we’re cancelling abusers; we should probably cancel you since you’ve put on perfect demonstrations of several abusive behaviours!

ps. not saying i agree with any or all of the posts i linked - nor all of the anons / other people in the discussion.