#need a nuance button btw

[khamomile-kitty]

Ok there wasn’t a reason to actually tag me in this. Idk if you’re new to tumblr or if this is just how you tend to do things but generally unless you’re responding to somebody you don’t need to @. Plus I’m p done w this whole thread lol, the aardvark person got boring very quickly amd most of the rest is just ppl arguing abt character death. Regardless I’m gonna respond bc you @ me amd writing is a hot button interest for me lol but pls don’t do it again.

Anyway, ANYTHING in writing can be done bad. This isn’t special quit bringing that up like it brings nuance to this, it doesn’t. Secondly, character death due to worldbuilding. That’s what that is btw, killing characters bc the world is supposed to be dark and gritty is a part of worldbuilding, it’s there to show you what people in that story deal with, what loss they are going through at every turn, it’s not SUPPOSED to feel gratifying or anything even nuetral. It’s SUPPOSED to feel bad. Often times, it’s done “out of nowhere” for the exact POINT that it came out of nowhere: bc death on that dark gritty world can come around any corner, if characters said that all the time but we never saw it except for one-off characters or non-named characters, it would feel hollow. I promise you, the amount of times that s fully established story, not a fanfiction, kills a character off for no reason is 1%. And half of those are marvel movies that the actor wanted out of their contract. (JOKE! Don’t pick up your tomatoes)

Amd bc either you edited your comment or my memory is just getting worse, I’ll address the other bits of that argument you made. One, yes, it is potentially bad writing if the story has this character that’s built up to be a big role means absolutely nothing other than the BIG role of taking a bullet (or some other death) for the protag. Amd if we’re veering away from that example, having a death that’s focused on period makes them something of an integral role, bc HOPEFULLY, the author has built this narrative to the point that taking out this character death changes the story, or at least changes the tone. IF, however, it is not amd they are not, amd the story treats this character like a minor footnote in the story and never calls back to them again, that’s bad writing. But, as you note later on, that is a problem with the writer. It is not a problem with the trope.

Amd perhaps this character does to something the protag could survive or has survived bc of the simple fact that THEY ARE NOT THE PROTAG. Perhaps to showcase the helplessness and frustration of this death, that it was preventable, that it was stupid, that the protag could have taken the hit. That contributes to the tone of the death and story overall. Generally, try to think of WHY the story might have called for this, and HOW the author wants you to feel from it. There can be nuances to even situations like these.

If you have to ask, “Why did the author do this?” THINK about WHY the author did this. Maybe wait and see if that question is answered, because sometimes, the arc is not done. You just have to read the whole thing, or at least the relevant arc before coming to a final conclusion that the author didn’t think it through. Even on longform content farm shows, there’s SOME level of thought out into the decisions made. Sometimes they aren’t liked! That’s fine! But it’s not necessarily ALWAYS bad writing.

Third, when an author suddenly pays special attention to a side character only to kill them off, that’s SUPPOSED to be frustrating. They were doing that on purpose. Those are the emotions the protagonist feels, they just got to know this person and now they’re dead. The author has you get to know them first bc killing them off (especially in an emotional way like taking a bullet for the protag) is supposed to be impactful. Killing a character the reader barely knows does nothing but make the reader feel bad for the protag. Which is fine, that’s there no matter what usually, but the author wants you not just to feel bad, but to FEEL THEM. Feel what they are feeling, viscerally. If the character wasn’t built up beforehand and that’s the part you’re upset about, a lot of times the author has to pick what takes precedence in the story. Scenes and dialogue and characters have to move the plot along, even when they are just hanging out. Maybe the cast was large, and they had to pick on characters that would make more sense narratively than that one. Maybe it’s near the beginning of the story, and the character dies so soon in that they HAD to do it that way. Maybe they were just using a Very Common trope and hoping it would bring a looming sense of dread. (most readers start getting suspicious when a character suddenly gets a lot of attention or special scenes, and rightly so, bc it is a common narrative trope at this point, and most of the time it is used, it’s expected that the audience will see it coming somewhat, but hope that it won’t, until it does. There’s a book that plays with this concept, literally called They Both Die in the End. I know nothing abt it other than they both die at the end, but I’ve been told it plays w the readers emotions exactly like this. Amd it works. That’s why it’s used.)

In short, you can not like a characters death, you can be angry and frustrated or even not want to consume that media anymore. It doesn’t mean that it’s not a well established amd thought through process.

Also I wasnt using an ad hominem, that implies I was making any sort of argument at all, at the arguer or the argument, amd not just making a joke. (It also implies that was not a joke or not funny, which I and several others can disagree w you on but that’s an opinion. Regardless it was meant as a joke which means it is not an ad hominem, which is specifically attacking the arguer instead of the argument to cast doubt on them.) This was an Appeal to Humor.

im starting to think you guys dont like it when stories make you feel things

[pepprs]

it’s so stupid and embarrassing bc i know history and political science are basically the most important like.. things you need to know thoroughly and well in order to contribute meaningfully to society or whatever. i know that PAINFULLY well. but i am not good at them and yet im “””in a field””” that is all about history and political science but i am.. not good at this

[sitp-recs]

Nightcall by Femme and noeon

Harry/Draco (2015, Explicit, 116k)

A hideously mauled corpse is found sprawled across the paving stones of Brick Lane in the East End of London. Inspector Harry Potter--widely believed to be the lead candidate for next Deputy Head Auror--is called in to investigate a possible magical crime. To make matters worse, his occasional lover and former school-nemesis, Viscount Draco Malfoy, now billing himself as a consulting criminologist, shows up at the crime scene to aid in the investigation of the suspicious death.

If there's one thing he and Potter both excel at, it's fucking. They may drive each other mad outside of bed, but here, with the sheets tangled beneath them, they fit perfectly, their bodies moving in just the right ways to bring them both to the brink of the little death.

I planned to post at least three more single recs this year but things have been so crazy at work I’m not sure if I’ll manage that. I almost didn’t write this one - mainly because I’m feeling a bit rusty, but also because Femme doesn’t need any introductions. I always feel a bit dull reccing a popular author because chances are everyone already knows their entire catalogue, right? But I don’t see this fic recced often and since I think it’s a perfect Christmassy read without being about Christmas (like, at all 😂) I thought I’d share my thoughts about it in case this sensual and unique Edwardian AU flew under your radar - and you, like me, gravitate towards darker and mysterious plots at this time of the year. I’m not particularly into creature fics but every now and then I revisit my favorites and this one is a must read for me simply because I can’t get enough of Femme’s storytelling! Each one of their fics presses my buttons just right, combining compelling characters, intriguing plot and rich, immersive world building - not to mention the trademark sinful smut, my god 🔥

Here’s a delicious 116k murder mystery tale with perfect historical vibes and an addictive fuck buddies to lovers dynamics. What a feast! Every little 1900s AU detail is brilliantly executed from the unique setting / language to the dark and sexy atmosphere, the complicated subversive Drarry romance, the central werewolf drama and its political implications, and fascinating side characters as a treat - btw this has one of the best Harry & Severus relationships I’ve ever seen in fic. The narrative is intriguing, spicy, intense and full of emotion, all characters breathing so much personality it’s impossible not to relate, fall in love and cheer for them. I love how human and flawed they are. Stories that give them room to be petty, stubborn and egotistical but keeps their hearts in the right place are my jam, and these authors always deliver that nuanced complexity in a deeply satisfying way.

This is ultimately a love story and a gorgeous one at that, told from different POVs with lots of vivid grit and suspense. It’s also a fascinating exposé of a conservative and frightened society that will stay with you through its vibrant cast, rich historical details and deliciously turbulent romance. Go ahead and enjoy!!

Read on AO3

[itsclydebitches]

I’m the tin foil hat anon and I wanted to thank you for the response on my bb submission, you make great points. Although I was frustrated that some of them raised even more questions I didn’t think of myself… UGH… lol the S2 wait is gonna be painful

On the point of crosshair thinking his chip was removed a looong time ago(meaning before bracca or even as early as ep1) it wouldn’t make sense bc of his response to Hunter’s “you tried to kill us, we didn’t have a choice”. He says “and I did?”. So he seems to be aware he couldn’t control himself in all their previous encounters. Does it mean he knows his actions were due to chip then?

And you say crosshair avoiding the “when” question can be due to him not caring if the horrible actions he committed are chip or himself and it’s meant to show that he truly is despicable and evil. It could be the case because he shows absolutely no remorse or regret over slaughtering civilians, never apologizes to his brothers for not only trying to kill them but almost successfully incinerating(!!!) them. On top of that (apparently) without a chip he casually murders his own squad without a blink of an eye right in front of them.

On the other hand, he shows care for Omega’s safety in that episode and wants a better place in the universe for his brothers(even if it’s obviously a mistake). He sounds hurt and betrayed by them yet he still wants what he thinks is best for them. He seemed genuine and sincere in that moment. Even after they refused to join he protected them against the droids. He had multiple opportunities to shoot Hunter or others in the back but never did(and looked like didn’t even consider it). BUT after all of that he decides to raise his gun and try to shoot hunter who already has his gun drawn?! And in front of the whole squad holding him at gun point!!! WTF was he thinking?! WHY? I know they rejected his offer but still. Did his reveal completely change his plans? I just don’t understand. I know he is meant to be “complex and nuanced character with layers” but what a mood swing lmao

As much as I loved and enjoyed the bad batch overall I’m beginning to think that all these inconsistencies aren’t meant to be a crafty set up for next season. What they most likely are is just writers being vague on purpose so they don’t write themselves into a corner.

And as to why the batch and Omega didn’t even try to rescue their brother could just be so that Hunter and Crosshair would have this drama and disagreement at the end. Despite brad rau claiming their argument was over ideological differences. And Jen Corbett saying in that same cursed interview that the batch always love and support each other no matter what because they’re family. Well, I guess not crosshair, he doesn’t count anymore lol

And I agree with you I’d rather see the batch acknowledging they could have done more to try and rescue him than go into the chip details. However, I have a suspicion the real reason or explanation on why they never went back for him isn’t going to be brought up ever. Even *in universe* it simply does not make sense. Just makes me sad seeing how many people also try to come up with explanations. That should have been the writers job to provide something besides Hunter’s “you tried to kill us” bc that’s a weak argument and a total bs since he was SHOCKED to learn crosshair doesn’t have a chip.

Btw sorry for the long posts lol I just found your takes very intriguing

The season two wait is something awful and I only just started it lol. No worries about long asks though! My blog has become quite meta heavy over the years, so this is normal for my inbox. Besides, it’s a bit of a pot and kettle situation. It's not like my answers are particularly concise :D

Okay first, I have the unpopular (?) opinion that Crosshair was never planning to shoot Hunter, partly for the reasons you lay out here. You’re right, it doesn’t make sense, and rather than just accepting that he had that kind of “mood swing" (which would be pretty bad writing based on everything else we've seen) I think it does make sense that this was never his intention at all. Rather, it’s just a setup to make the audience think he’s about to shoot Hunter—that’s the obvious goal of that moment: the shock, drama, confusion, and then relief—but that doesn’t mean that in-universe that was ever Crosshair’s goal, even for just a split second. Omega leaves the pod. Echo, crucially, says that he can’t see her, setting up that Crosshair with his enhanced sight is probably the only one who could. He grabs his rifle off screen and as he does, Hunter leans over the side of the pod as he prepares to jump in, precisely where Crosshair needs to aim to hit Omega. Hunter is in his way. He’s directly in the line of fire, not because Crosshair is aiming for him, but just because that's where Omega is and they're both aiming for her: Crosshair with his rifle, Hunter ready to dive. The little shift Crosshair makes reads to me as him ensuring he doesn’t hit Hunter, despite him being right where he needs to aim, not him full on changing targets.

Even if we choose to read it as him deliberately aiming at Hunter—because yeah, the scene is meant to be ambiguous—I don’t think he, like, meant it meant it. Crosshair, as we’ve seen throughout TBB and TCW, can be pretty antagonistic. He likes to do things to get a rise out of people, like staring at regs until they snap at him, or pushing Rex’s buttons until he swings. If he was choosing to aim at Hunter in that moment, rather than Hunter just being in the way, I think it’s only bravado. Remember the “Don’t make the same mistake twice. Don’t make me your enemy” line? Crosshair has a need to remind others of his skill and power—whether it’s playfully like in TCW, or more seriously in TBB—and that’s likely what this is here. “Hey, Hunter. Look. I got my weapon back. I’ve got you cornered. I’m about to save our sister when you can’t. Remember that I’m good and you need me.” Those feelings of abandonment are tied up in that need to be needed, so when Crosshair is seething at being left behind, brutally showing them how he can get a drop on their leader and doing the thing they can't (save Omega) is a great way to remind them of what they threw away/re-boost his own self-esteem. But none of that means shooting Hunter was ever a real possibility. Because nowhere else do we see Crosshair willingly trying to harm his team. He does while under the chip’s influence, but then he never hurts Hunter when he’s captured. He kills his new team before they can hurt the batch. He helps them fight off the droids. There’s a tussle, but it’s not choreographed like either he or Hunter truly intends harm. Crosshair demonstrates no aggression during the entire escape, willingly gives up his weapon after saving Omega, and just stands there as they leave. If this guy actually wanted to hurt them, he would. Which is more likely, that Crosshair had a split second of real murder intent across two episodes of doing everything possible to help his team, or that this was just a mean bluff?

But personally, I don’t even think it was a bluff. I think the coincidence of Crosshair needing to aim there and Hunter already being there is just meant to imply an attack for the audience, not imply that Crosshair, in-universe, ever intended to hurt him, even for just a second. If he had, he wouldn’t look so surprised and sad when he realizes the others are pointing their weapons at him. If he was out to shoot Hunter, even if only for a moment, seeing his brothers come to his defense would be expected; a given. But if he only ever intended to save Omega, then seeing their weapons trained on him would produce the emotions we saw: shock that they’d turn on him and then severe disappointment. From Crosshair’s perspective, he didn’t do anything wrong and never intended to do wrong either. Hence, looking away in disbelief that his need to aim through Hunter was taken as a serious threat. He's realizing that they honestly believe that he would hurt them. Not the chipped version of him, but just him, all on his own.

As for the rest of his characterization, I think your point that “You tried to kill us” is a weak argument is pretty important. Meaning, Crosshair knows he didn’t attack his team and nearly kill them, the Empire controlling him like a puppet did. He (arguably) doesn’t owe them an apology for something that he was as much a victim for. However, we usually expect one anyway—like Wrecker still apologizing to Omega—because that's how people who have hurt loved ones react, whether the hurt was intentional or not, but that guilt is currently overshadowed by his fury that they left him behind. For him I think it’s a bit of a circular problem. Yes, he nearly killed them… but he wouldn’t have nearly killed them if they’d come back and rescued him. With the obvious disclaimer that the Empire is the real evil here, Crosshair as a threat is a bit of a problem of the batch's own making. If they’d done the right thing and gotten him out, there wouldn’t have been these scary moments like the engine incident. If they’d at least tried, then Crosshair likely would have been more guilt-ridden because he hurt his brothers who were trying to help him. As it stands, he tried to hurt the people who claim they're his brothers, but who left him behind. That's why he presents this second chance as magnanimous: from Crosshair's perspective, they haven't done anything to earn his care, but they're getting it anyway. An apology though? That's pushing things too far. If when Wrecker turned the group had locked him somewhere in the ship and gone off planet, leaving him there under the justification “Well, he tried to kill us!" would Wrecker still return with apologies for his actions... or would he be primarily pissed at being left like that, withholding apologies because they did him harm intentionally, whereas he did harm under another's control? I mean, maybe he'd be forgiving (the huge difference between his and Crosshair’s personalities is another factor), but also maybe not. Having Crosshair apologize for the near-death experiences requires 1. For him to feel responsibility for something that was forced on him and 2. For him to not be absolutely furious at the batch for abandoning him. They've gotta work through that before Crosshair can acknowledge that guilt.

Killing his second team on the other hand… idk if the batch cares, honestly. It was the killing of civilians that they balked at, not other fighters like themselves. Even the Jedis’ execution, something they clearly didn’t like, wasn’t enough to turn them from the Empire, presumably because the Jedi are capable of defending themselves. They fell in battle. It’s only when the Empire asks them to kill kids and untrained civilians that they go, “Absolutely not. This organization is evil.” Murder of other fighters was, you know, not great, but not worth defecting over either. Crosshair’s second team is made up of fighters who have been trying to kill them, so they’re definitely fair game. If we removed Crosshair’s plan from the situation and the batch was just fighting their way off Kamino after a capture, would they have also killed the team without a blink of an eye? Probably. It's self-defense. The second they raised their blasters it became a battle and, unless you’re specifically out to stun someone for some reason, battles end bloody. The shock is which side Crosshair was on, not that one side was willing to murder the other. It’s definitely messed up from our perspective that Crosshair laid a trap to murder his team to prove a point… but from the batch’s perspective? Crosshair killed a bunch of imperial fighters who were threatening them during a battle. That’s just an average Tuesday for them, nothing much to get upset over.

And omg don’t get me started on Crosshair wanting to find Omega a family! Like yeah, it’s obviously a #mistake and his faith in the Empire is Super Messed Up but... the underlying motivation is so good. It’s another situation where there’s no easy answer. Which is more important: Omega’s emotional health where she grows up with clones like her, the people who are now 100% her family, or her physical health, where she stays some place where she’s not always getting shot at, kidnapped, at risk of going hungry, etc.? It’s easy as the audience to go, “Of course she belongs with her dads!!” but if you choose to read the story through any realistic lens, Crosshair absolutely has a point about this being terrible environment for a kid, the exact point the batch themselves were making until Omega begged to stay. I love my feral, compassionate child but let me tell you, I YELLED when she yeeted herself out of that pod. This is a traumatized, formerly isolated kid with absolutely zero self-preservation, combined with, at times, a lack of basic common sense that’s inevitable in children (like not realizing she can’t pull a very heavy droid up through the water). As emotionally gutting as the thought is and, in this particular case, a Very Bad Idea, I really can’t fault anyone for raising the possibility that she go somewhere else, somewhere she’s likely to survive into her teens 😅

[sylvanas-girlkisser]

So hypothetically, if I were considering trying League, what advice if any would you offer, especially since I’ve never played a MOBA of any kind before? Aside of course the obvious “don’t” lmao. Thank you very much if you decide to answer this but if not, totally all good!

Sorry for the delay, had a busy weekend but I will try to answer to the best of my ability!

First and foremost: get a friend who knows League. I know that's kind of a tall ask, but League has a very high barrier of entry with a lot of not very obvious aspects that you will need to figure out before the game fully starts making sense. Knowing someone who has gone through and learned all this BS already really helps lower that barrier of entry so you don’t need to go diving through reddit or w/e to learn what the difference between a “mage” and an “enchanter” is.

(The difference btw is that mages rely on offensive magic, while enchanters use magic to empower their allies.)

Second: Make a point of learning to block/mute people before your first game with strangers, and use those features liberally. Don’t get me wrong the fanbase has improved significantly since the bad old days, but League is a game where losing can at times feel really bad, and there is a subset of the fanbase who rely on the game (to a deeply unhealthy extend) to provide them their daily dose of dopamine. You’re not going to be bombarded with slurs right out the gates, but if you wanna play League you need at least a semi-thick skin, and an instinct to smash that mute button at the first sign of unpleasant behavior.

Third: Embrace that there will always be more to learn. Part of what I personally find appealing about league is the fact that there is just so much going on. There’s a like 150+ playable characters, most of whom can be played in multiple drastically different styles. As a new player its easy to feel like you have to know every nuance of every possible choice available to every characters, but like, not even the pros who play for 10+ hours a day and have entire coaching staffs helping out are able to do that...

Though that will not stop the occassional weirdo from yelling at you for not understanding [thing] - however, in my experience there’s only like a 1/3 chance they have even the slightest clue about the thing they’re yelling about (shoutout to the guy who got angry at me for not healing him while i was playing a character with no healing spells).

In my experience, the best way to learn League is by trying out different characters until you find one you vibe with and then focus on getting a hang of the subtleties of whatever archetype they belong to, rather than trying to learn everything at once you know? (Let me know if you want a followup of me outlining the different archetypes of characters)

[fandeems]

Also I feel like a lot of it comes from a fear of being wrong, morally or just in general, so much that you have to be SO SO clearly and intensely against anything that might be bad. To me it seems like it comes from a desperation to have the moral high ground and the reassurance of oh I'm not okay with this thing so I must be a good person.

I say this as someone who struggles with that type of ideology as I have OCD, specifically religious/moral OCD, and I feel like that mentality is something that I can see and relate to.

And I'm not saying that people like this are necessarily bad people, but a lack of nuance (mostly stemming from twitter due to the character limits) and a pressure to agree with something strongly worded like "if you ______ then jump off a bridge <3" or whatever is really not a good thing for anyone. Tagging and the block button exist for a reason, you don't have to completely demonize anyone who writes/draws something you disagree with even if it is bad, just report them at most and at least block them and move on. Block tags you don't like. And people who write and draw things, tag things properly. Not everything has to be a giant scandal. I just think that this way of thinking is destructive for everyone involved, for the ones people are getting mad at (cause it often escalates to harassment and doxxing), and for the ones who are getting mad. Because having to see every piece of media, by fans or not, and endlessly having to find every little possibly problematic thing and mention it to prove your morals are perfect sounds so so tiring and just... mentally not good. (Also weird side note but a lot of the time you look at the people who say everything is bad and then their pfp is south park or something and its like?????? Hello wh????? Like enjoying south park or whatever is fine but. You can't get mad at stuff like that and have a south park pfp how do you not see that that's hypocritical what????)

And how is trying to get rid of anything bad on the internet going to help? Instead of doing that what if we simply made sure to teach about critical thinking. Generally if something does affect real people in making them feel like they can do something irl they see in fiction, it's because of a lack of critical thinking and nuance. Making sure to say that hey, the internet is wild, not everything that's okay or portrayed as okay in fiction is okay irl, and letting people learn how to discern that is in my opinion a much better route than trying to purge the whole ass world wide web of anything we think is wrong. There's always gonna be people that take the wrong thing from ANY media into their real life, so how about we just encourage critical thinking and acknowledge that not everyone will see things the same way and move on?

Also, you don't have to justify every opinion by saying another one is horrible and wrong! You're allowed to just have opinions! And obviously I don't mean big opinions like "hey I think people should have rights" cause obviously any other opinion is horrible and wrong in that circumstance but I mean in like, discourse ways. You're allowed to just look at what you like and ignore/block what you don't!

I feel like people in general are obsessed with having one clear villain. One clear leader or idea that is absolutely wrong, and they have the one clear leader or idea that is absolutely right. And sometimes that is the case, but the vast majority of the time it isn't.

As I saw another post say, this way of thinking feels.. very similar to conservative Christians. With the seeing in black and white and the moral panic about everything in media affecting people / needing to "protect the children" and just.. a lot of other parallels. (I'd like to clarify btw I say this as a Christian but y'know. Not the conservative variety which is what I'm talking about here). And I can also see some similarities to religious trauma in the way some people process it tbh but idk how to explain that really,,

We need to learn to allow ourselves to be happy, to enjoy things, to have preferences and ideas and opinions but to know that it doesn't make us inherently better than anyone else. Genuinely I'm not trying to be mean to anyone in this post I just want the best for everyone and for the internet to be even a little bit better of a place.

Idk if I articulated this quite right, or if I got across what I wanted to say, so keep in mind that I wrote this pretty fast and it's not perfectly worded but uh. Yeah. I tried lol

Also keep in mind that yes I am just a teenager on the internet and I'm not perfect and maybe ill look back at this one day and be like wow you were being kind of dramatic about it or maybe I'll think yes so true past self but you could've worded that a lot better dear gosh but honestly I'm okay with that because either way that means I grew as a person, ty for your time.

TL;DR, context and critical thinking and nuance are extremely important when it comes to consuming media, you don't need to make yourself feel morally superior by putting down anyone who thinks something you disagree with, you don't need to remove everything on the internet you disagree with instead of encouraging critical thinking, and the block button exists for a reason.

I've been wanting to actually write a formatted essay about this someday and go into specifically how it affects different people but who knows if I actually will lol.

[stephhannes]

I Was a 23 Year Old Widow & Here’s Where I Went From There

a friend sent me a link to a refinery29 article today (I’m A 31-Year-Old Widow, & I Don’t Know Where To Go From Here) and it felt exactly like something i would have written three years ago, when i was in my first year of widowhood. it basically is something i’ve written three years ago. i remember all of those same feelings, am i doing this right? how do i navigate being hot and young but also a grief-stricken widow? 

the most important lesson i’ve learned in the last three years is this: the world doesn’t revolve around me. 

every time i start freaking out about the nuances of grieving i remind myself, the world doesn’t revolve around you, dummy. and nothing has been more freeing. 

everything in my life revolves around my grief, but there is no one else around me that’s thinking about it as much as i am. so much of my anxiety was defined by if i felt like i was grieving appropriately, in a way that society would approve of- but society isn’t thinking about me and my grief. and if they are, who gives a shit? talk to me when your partner unexpectedly dies at the age of 23. 

when i came back to social media after nathan died, i remember getting comments on photos like “oh, it’s so nice to see you smiling!” that made me so self-conscious. is it too soon to be smiling? is it ok to be having fun with my friends right now? 

i returned to dating apps within a year of nathan’s death, and i kept it secret for a very long time. i didn’t want people to think i was moving on. i wasn’t moving on, i was lonely! i was afraid that people would see me on tinder and be like “oh, she’s not that sad i guess” i was that sad! that’s why i was reverting to the ol’ faithful coping mechanism of entertaining gentlemen callers! 

as someone forced to live in my own grief, of course i was out here catastrophizing every situation possible. i stayed awake at night stressing over ok so when i do eventually date again: when do i tell him that i’m a widow? (literally just whenever it comes up in conversation) is it weird to talk about nathan all the time? (not really, is it actually any different than when someone talks about their ex? if anything, it should be less uncomfortable, my ‘ex’ is dead, there’s no threat there) do i take down the pictures of nathan before inviting someone to my house? (no, it’s my house).

in the piece i wrote 20 days after nathan died, this is what i was panicking about:

And I know that it’s only been a few weeks since Nathan died, but I feel the weight of the 21st century coming down on me already. Theoretically, he and I were so lucky to have found each other so early, not having to navigate our 20s with awkward dates and rifling through dating apps. But in reality, now that’s where I’m going to have to find myself again. I don’t know how to date someone that I haven’t already known for 10 years. When do I tell someone I’m a widow? How much is appropriate amount to mention my dead fiancé during a blind date? When is the appropriate time to update my Facebook relationship status to ‘single’? When am I supposed to take off my engagement ring and show my face on 6th street?

What’s an appropriate tinder bio?

“Hi, I’m Stephanie. I used to be engaged but now I’m not! Hit me up!”

How do I navigate a new relationship with someone when I know that they will never know me as well as Nathan did? I can spend all day talking about who I was in high school, I can explain with detail every moment of my collegiate years, but no one will truly know who I was during those times because they weren’t there.

and here’s the update on that, 3 years later:

as previously mentioned, i’ve had success just bringing it up whenever it happens to come up. i played around with immediately being like “hey i’m steph i’m a widow what’s poppin?” but i think it’s a little more palatable to lure someone in with my insufferable personality and then be like “oh btw im a widow lol” 

i went through a phase where i would tell stories about my time in new york, but omit the fact that the reason i lived there was because of my fiance. or i’d tell stories about “an ex” without being like “well the ex is actually my dead fiance” but that felt weird, so i transitioned to just literally talking about nathan, my dead fiance, whenever i want to. and shockingly, it’s gone over pretty well. men are a lot more receptive to hearing about your ex that you’re still kinda in love with when your ex is dead.

my facebook relationship status is still not updated to single. but i did take it off my profile altogether after about two years. 

i took off my engagement ring about 6 months after nathan died. it was a whole thing. i was tired of people seeing it and assuming i was engaged, and asking me about it and then being forced into being like “oh haha well i’m not engaged anymore” i showed my face on 6th street and hated it, not because of my status as a widow, because i’m 26.

i’m banned from tinder, but my bumble bio is “self made hundredaire / used to work on broadway / never eaten a grape before / very passionate about the monster mash and sparkling water” people seem to like it.

if i could go back in time and whisper to myself “shhh you sweet summer child it literally doesn’t matter” god, i would. i sucked in high school, thank fucking god no one knows what i was actually like then. i was unbelievably depressed in college, we don’t need to re-live that in detail. i’m literally so cool now, and that’s really all that matters. like, i’m fun and a boss babe and smart and hilarious and mysterious (but let’s not focus on the mystery just yet) so does it really matter if someone doesn’t immediately know the nuances of my 15 year old psyche?

+++

when talking about my relationship with nathan, i’ve always framed it as “i know it’s not the end all be all of relationships” and i still firmly believe in that. like the ann druyan quote- “we knew that we were the beneficiaries of chance. we found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.” we had a dope relationship, it ran its course, i learned a bunch of shit about myself and what i need moving forward, and now it’s time to move forward. 

and in moving forward, i have to keep reminding myself that accepting relationships as they come into my life is a fun and exciting experience. it doesn’t have to be daunting and serious and terrifying. part of that has been just forcing myself to get out of my head, stop overthinking everything, and remember that the world does not revolve around me. there’s something about being able to just take what i need, leave what i don’t, for as long as it lasts and being fine with things when they eventually end. 

it’s been kind of hilarious finally going through scenarios i used to agonize over in the middle of the night. everything that i imagined to be a huge deal has been actually, not a deal at all. i had a conversation with a friend a couple of months ago where i was like “i just want a toxic relationship to pass the time,” and she was like “are you saying that because that’s actually what you want, or are you saying that because you’re afraid of being genuinely intimate/vulnerable with someone that’s not nathan?” and i was like, ok first of all i didn’t come here to get dragged like that and secondly…yeah, maybe. 

the vulnerability thing is still tough for me- very much not a fan of talking about my feelings without masking it with comedy. but every step i’ve made in that direction, i’ve been able to do without guilt or questioning myself. 

the first time someone other than nathan slept in my bed, i was worried that i would end up upset- it was fine. i was like “oh, i forgot how nice it is to wake up not alone.”

when i found myself in a vaguely toxic relationship i realized “yeah ok, that’s definitely not what i want.” the last time that person left my house, my first thought was “i miss nathan.” and it wasn’t even necessarily nathan that i missed. i missed being around someone that made me feel like they idk…..cared about me as a person and like…..respected me. 

i spent a lot of time seeking out people that i thought were similar to nathan, and then i realized that the qualities i was attracted to were just the bare minimum of human decency.  the things that i loved the most about my relationship with nathan weren’t necessarily qualities that were exclusive to him (they were things he was very good at, but so are a lot of other people). his willingness to listen to me tell the same stories over and over, his patience with all of my anxiety, how much he loved just spending time around me, the way he valued and respected my opinions, his ability to remember very tiny details, our effortless rapport. 

and at the same time, i’m recognizing strengths in other people that fill in where nathan had some weaknesses. the fact that none of my friends liked him, his inability to cope with my depression, all of the times he’d ask for forgiveness rather than permission, his unwillingness to accept criticism when i was upset with him, or the way he’d continue to push buttons i’d repeatedly asked him to leave alone. 

+++

so maybe it’s the zoloft, or maybe it’s just growing up a little bit- but letting go of all of that anxiety has really allowed me to feel a lot lighter. it feels good to finally be present in all of my relationships, not concerned about how anything looks- rather, just concerning myself with shit that feels right. i’ve always been a pretty solid judge of character, and as soon as i stopped doubting myself, the quality of person that came into my life was immediately a lot better, weird. it’s almost like the only opinion that truly matters....is my own. 

[dorianpavus]

sometimes people make these big long posts complaining about bioware and i’m like. sigh. there’s so many times that i never say anything cause i’m not trying to get involved in fandom drama but like oh my god

salt beneath the cut?

bioware should not be forced to only make the kinds of games you like. so historically they made some games you love, ok, cool. i don’t know why you all think that a company trying new things and experimenting and trying to push the boundaries of what their games should be is such a terrible horrible no good dirty-rotten thing. innovation is great. experimenting is good. bioware is not betraying you for trying to incorporate different ideas into their games like?? not everything is going to work out to your satisfaction but that doesn’t mean they should remain stagnant and only ever do the same thing. why not see if they can incorporate a big explorable world into a game with a really structured and nuanced story, as they tried to do with inquisition? it may not have worked out perfectly but now they have a better base on which to build their next game (which, if it can strike a balance between dao/dai, would be amazing, btw). and if you’re really upset that there’s a big world in inquisition and that offends you, just don’t buy the game. like. bioware going, “hey look there’s a huge world to explore!” and you paying money for the game and then going “but why is there a huge world to explore???? #betrayed” is like.... can’t wrap my head around that one. you paid for the game they made you, not 8000 years of their lives, the entire future of the company and right for every subsequent game to be made exactly as you like it, and their first borns.

(the contract is only for the first borns)

2: video games aren’t books, especially not a huge game like inquisition. it’s not “bad writing” for every small detail or character quirk to not be expounded upon super obviously all the time -- that’s hard to do in a video game with a huge ensemble cast and epic fantasy plot. like don’t get me wrong i think there were plenty of things in dai that could have been executed a lot better but y’all were the ones who wanted a big cast of characters to be so developed, but now you’re actually complaining because they developed them really well? if you wish you could have had more engagement with the characters over smaller facets of their personality/beliefs, that’s not a problem with the writing, that’s a disagreement with the game’s focus on conversation and character vs the rest of the game. like i too would have preferred more conversation and to call characters out more on things, 100%, but to just disagree with the way something was executed and then slap a “bad writing” on it is just like... not what that actually is

which i know is stupid of me to make a post about how some otherwise-valid criticisms of the game isn’t actually about That Thing They’re Saying It’s About, like, ok katie who cares, but people are so smug about the “bad writing” in inquisition it’s hard not for me to roll my eyes really hard when literally everything is equated to bad writing and not actually dissected and discussed for what it is and how it could actually be improved

(that’s not to say that there weren’t aspects of the game that were poorly written cause there totally were, but being upset about the lack of conversation options FOR your extra conversation options [when you already had sooooooo mannnyyyyyyy long talks with your companions, which the devs added specifically because fans loved them and wanted them to return with a vengeance post-da2-no conversations whatsoever] is like... extra. like ppl really be complaining about the inability to have conversations about the companion’s extra extra side dialogue options. we were lucky to get that in the first place lmao! don’t get me wrong i want more of them too and i don’t disagree that i want to be able to comment on all of those things, but it’s not “bad writing” but more a lack of resources to just give you unlimited discussions with the companions. they respected their fans and listened to us and put in a ton of effort to making sure in DAI we got to talk with our companions a ton, waaaay more than in previous games (even dao, and with a bigger cast of characters!), so it’s just so bizarre to ppl saying it’s “bad writing” that you can’t talk to these characters literally about everything they say all the time, that every single thread and facet to their development isn’t able to be discussed. it’s a video game, not real life, and conversations have to stop somewhere. and they gave us so much! should they have just left those details of the character out completely then, if you can’t completely and fully turn over and call out everything they say? obviously not. i agree with what yall are saying about those conversations could have been better, of course!! but i feel like it’s more about resources than like... bad writing

(of course in da4 i still want even mOAR conversations and also a “BS BUTTON” would be great)

(it’s just not necessarily “bad writing”)

(also that said sera’s arc was poorly written but that’s another story)

(anyway i’m not saying every single thing someone complains about isn’t Valid(TM) because so much of it is great criticism, but rather that some of the arguments i’ve seen over and over and over and over and over on my dash are like..... not really.... accurate

and there are just so many people in the fandom are so smug and condescending and seem like they enjoy criticizing games for the stupidest reasons like it makes them smarter and more Enlightened like they need to chill

(also i’m aware i’m asking ppl to chill by writing a really long salty personal post that’s gonna lose me 150 followers so obviously i also have lost my chill but come on yall omg please stop whining over inquisitions “bad writing” that isn’t bad writing just maybe something you didn’t like (like the explorable areas) and how bioware obviously is betraying you, its lord and master, for trying to incorporate different elements into their games or explore new genres like anthem u know how ridiculous it sounds right)

(that said fuck bioware, just for other reasons lmao)

honestly i’m writing this and kind of disagreeing with myself cause i’m like “but there’s so much bad writing” and there totally fuckin is but that’s not the specific thing i’m trying to talk about so...  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

why am i defending it then?? also good question but here we are

[briteboy]

WHO is Santi and WHERE is his face?

i am LIVING for your warm & colorful posts right now!! your editing is so amazing and it brightens my day everytime i see a new post of yours *.*

THANK YOU!!!! <3 i am so happy/relieved to be using warm colors once more, i feel like myself again. don’t get me wrong, i do like evoking different moods, but sometimes (a lot of the time, especially with santi) too much is too much. today’s posts were HOPEfully my last emo edits..............for now

LOL I actually made a comment about Fiona naming a cat/dog (once Pets comes out) Rodrigo. I'll go back underground now haha (still a great story, cant wait to read more) -Runaway NONY

OH I DIDN’T EVEN SEE THAT wtf. either tumblr ate it or i accidentally scrolled past it i’m sorry. i always enjoy seeing messages from anons who return to my inbox! but lmAO that’s a good idea. i actually met the most perfect dog today and now i know the breed and name of dog santi needs immediately

Hii! If you dont mind me askin, how do you edit your darker screenshots? I always end up making them too light or too dark to see a thing :( Thank you!

hmmm idk what to tell you about making them too light or too dark, because that’s a very specific thing that really depends on the picture. BUT i know that the dodge tool is my bff for brightening up dark pictures while still retaining some of the darker elements you want in them (aversely, the burn tool will help darken parts), messing with the exposure can also really help, coloring can also help too, selective color is my bff especially with blue shadows and orangey skin...this is kind of a broad answer, i’m sorry, but if you needed help with something specific, let me know!

I remember you answered an ask and said you drew tears when you edit right? Is there a reason you don't use CC tears?

i answered this like two weeks ago but i can’t find it so whateveR i’ve used cc tears a few times but there’s only like three of those in existence and my characters have cried a LOT. i feel like it would be kinda weird if they had the same tears every time. also there are just some variations that i like to customize myself by drawing, like sometimes they’ll be full on sobbing, sometimes just one single tear...it just depends on the situation, that’s why i draw ‘em.

Santi is my favorite Harvest Moon character.

idk shit about harvest moon so idk how to respond to this :[ here’s a small picture of michael cera with a cactus

Would you recommend buying a macbook for playing sims?

if a macbook is what you already have, then yeah, i’d say it suffices without many problems. if you’re specifically going out and buying a computer with the knowledge that you’ll be playing sims on it, then mmmmmm i’d probably say no...but it also depends on if you’re like gonna get REALLY into storytelling and cc n shit or if it’s just casual gameplay with a mods folder that’s like 5 gb or less...if it’s the latter i think it should also be fine. but yeah it just depends on what kind of gaming you’re planning on doing.

How can I read your story from the beginning? Is there a link or something? I keep seeing it on my feet and it looks so great!

thank you! there’s a button at the top of my page that says “story directory” but if you’re on mobile you can just go here or copy this link: http://femmesim.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono

I've talked to u like once before and I'm to shy to talk to u again... Why am I like fish?

This**

we are all like fish if you really think about it lmao but really just reach out my dude! if we talked once then y’know you already broke the ice so just go for it!! i am here and ready to talk about all the things under the sun

Do you use Topaz Clean?

yep

hi hello so maybe I am just a blind bean but may I ask how in god's name do you get your images to be so crisp? I have everything set up, but it seems as if when I do my thing in Photoshop, everything turns out lookin like a blobfish. I'm not sure if you use another person's topaz settings or if you have your own. Thank you so much if you do respond bc I was too much of a wuss to message you *cries in Spanish*

OMG well it’s mostly just resizing, smart sharpening, and most importantly topaz clean (see above) that makes them so crisp. i also use the sharpen tool on sims’ faces, and the smudge tool when something is particularly pixelated or whatever. everything i do is listed in here! UR NOT A WUSS *hugs you in spanish*

youre my inspiration to be a better writer. I know i'm good and giving characters depth and backgrounds and coming up with a rough story idea. but i rush things and i'm not great at putting it into a good story so ya. My story on simblr started out as casual gameplay but i wanted it to be more and i'm trying to get better @ everything

OMG ;_________; it sounds like you are a good writer already, and it’s awesome that you recognize your strengths while also acknowledging that you need to work on some things as well. i try to do the same and i think that’s what keeps me level headed. it sounds like you just need to dedicate some time to planning, that way you start to realize all the nuances of your story that come together to flesh out that initial rough idea. you seem to have a positive attitude, so that’s great!! you’re already getting better and better, i know it <3

now Santi's song is Post Malone - Congratulations

OMF LMAO u sent this when santi finally got to mexico and it’s fitting

sos i was listening to the song fight song by rachel platten when i saw the photoset of santi making it to mexico and now i can't stop ugly crying please make it stop

omG i see it TAKE BACK UR LIFE SANTI U GOT THIS

This is so random but like, can I just say that you're so amazing like?? Why?? You're so sweet and funny and I love you very much ok

AKJSKJDFKJS THANK YOU THIS IS SO NICEEEE ;-; i try but a lot of the time i feel like a sarcastic asshole lmao thank u for thinking otherwise <3

Am I the only one who's like... really mad about pets being NPCs? I just feel like being able to control them was the best part. I don't really feel like the EP is worth it without them. Like, don't get me wrong, I understand that the team worked really hard on it, but I feel like they didn't do it as well as they could have.

hmm i’m kind of meh on that front because like on one hand i did like controlling pets and the novelty of the fact that you could just see their different interactions firsthand, but ultimately i think i’m okay with not controlling them because it makes it more realistic for me and honestly they’re probably more likely to take care of themselves a little bit more if they’re automated, because i’m just thinking about ts3 pets and how i literally had to make them go pee outside otherwise they’d pee in the house...even if they were well trained and stuff lmao. plus there might be a cheat or mod that lets you control them, like there was in ts2? so don’t lose hope yet.

hey your blog is AWESOME, i read through your stories in a day and am obsessed (kind of in love with gianni) ❤ what are some of your favorite ts4 blogs? i'm trying to find more awesome blogs to read through during my miserable journey of trying to get the game to work on my computer lol

heyo here’s some! thank you btw, and i hope your miserable journey ends soon :{

(I really need to get this off my chest) ok so my aunt is currently in a critical condition after having a kidney failure and she's in desperate need for a new one and I'm the only one in my family that's a match (so far) but I'm not allowed to donate bc I myself have severe health issues affecting my day to day life that would make it extremely dangerous for me to remove a kidney. I'm so fucking frustrated you don't understand like I just want to cry most of the time

first off i’m so sorry that this is even happening to you ;__; and you’re an amazing person for being willing to help out your aunt like that, so just know it isn’t your fault that you’re unable to. don’t guilt yourself for it okay? is there any other possible donor at all? i wanna know how this situation ends up. i really hope your aunt will be okay. just stay close to your family for support and don’t blame yourself.

how did you get photoshop for free? I'm trying to find a link that won't give me a virus, but I had no luck yet

the pirate bay is ur friend

Ok I gotta rant. GoT does NOT deserve the hype/amazing ratings. Like, sure the cinematography is pretty great and they have ok actors but the freaking script is so mediocre I actually think I could write a better one. Me. A 16 y/o tiny child. There are so much better shows out there! Hell, even Supernatural has a better script than GoT

whenever ppl agree with me about how much GoT sucks i grow stronger and stronger even the actors are iffy at this point. watching daenerys act is painful, jon snow is wooden as hell, it’s just bad. ur 16 yr old self has more potential than these writers tbh. it’s just completely mediocre; it started out as something great because it followed the same layered storytelling pattern as the books, but it’s diverged from that completely because the writers got too caught up in the hype. and you’re right, it doesn’t deserve that hype! omfdkjsgkj i’ve never watched supernatural but i haven’t heard good things. that’s a low bar

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hey I'm new to tumblr but I've seen screenshots of it. How do you find the things that you want to look at?

Oh I’m either a great person to ask or the worst because I have absolutely no extensions and will give you advice tailored around using this hell site exactly as I found it, which I suppose is useful when you’re new and before someone shows you some extensions that I hear make things easier :P

When I first joined tumblr I just searched “supernatural” and skimmed that search for posts I wanted to see. (Actually about 6 months previously I was doing this exact thing for The Hobbit movies but I didn’t see the appeal of joining a fandom so I never got involved past laughing at memes on tumblr and not even reblogging anything) 

With SPN fandom, I realised the posts I liked were tagged certain ways that got results of more posts I wanted to see and filtered out all the general tag shitposting, and I started searching those things instead, after a while of which I had a list of tags I visited all the time. 

Of course the entire time I was hitting the follow button on every blog that seemed to post a lot of what I was interested in seeing, so that’s an assumed piece of advice for you :P 

For example I went in the SPN meta tag and hit follow on every blog posting in it when I first joined tumblr. After a while you start to see social patterns and find blogs you agree with more or violently disagree with, so you start to be more selective or have to use the right to unfollow someone you agree with who seems like an asshole and hope their posts reach you via reblogs, etc. And you can’t follow everyone. I follow too many blogs and despite being a housebound headache lump under a blanket who’s on my laptop on and off all day and I don’t stay caught up. Find like… 100 people you like and try and keep it around there while constantly exercising the right to unfollow and follow different blogs. 

These days you can get posts from the tags you like onto your dash as well as having them stored to visit whenever. 

Type into tumblr’s search bar and find things you want to follow, so this is what mine looks like:

having a glance there I just noticed I don’t actually follow ANY Destiel edit tags because I guess I’m extremely well-served by what I see on my dash with my followers, but for the sake of showing you -

wait a minute this “destiel edit” tag looks too general - full of shitposts and chat posts and really quickly made meme-y edits! Maybe you want to follow that while you’re new, maybe you know you’ll see as much of that as you need on your dash because silly people will always reblog silly things so it’s not urgent to follow it (I’m not saying don’t, I’m just making snobby judgements about what I want on my dash and also I know this is the kind of quality shitposting I already followed a bunch of people for and the meta writers and fancy edit makers and artists are all going to be silly people who will ALSO make trashy chat posts, quickly cobbled together edits, and memes without me seeking that out :P)

So I looked at the one fancy destiel gifset in the first bunch of results and looked at the tags and - 

https://www.tumblr.com/search/destieledit

There we go, that’s what all the gifmakers are using and I see BNF (big name fan) giffers in the suggested blogs at the top, many of whom I already recognise and will always reblog their gifs (because I follow too many blogs so stuff like this is how i see what they’re up to). So now I’m viewing that page instead of “destiel edit” having made the point about the importance of difference in spacing to fandom - 

Click the blue follow button in the top bar because this is what I want on my dash :D

this will now be in the dropdown under the search bar I showed at the start and you can visit it whenever by clicking on that. It will ALSO now put random posts on your dash like this:

the blue “Follow” suggests I don’t follow this blog, unlike the other posts on my dash around it which are just a chronological list of things people I follow have posted. There’s also an X button that will give you a snarky comment as you get rid of the post. Generally this removes it never to be seen again, so if you wanted to reblog it and pressed X good luck hunting it down with what your remember or your best guess what tag it was in :P

This is how it shows you what tag it is in, with the little green text and magnifying glass:

As you can see a lot of creators put a whole bunch of tags on a post to cover a lot of bases. Since I follow SPN edit and spnedit I’m gonna have to take this post off my dash twice at some point, though it’s not exactly hard seeing it over and over because I like Abaddon’s face :P I’ll probably stick this post in my queue before I press the X button. Once I’ve pressed that, it will disappear and the next page of my dash will have a new suggested post.

Oh thinking of pages you’ll want to turn off endless scrolling so you get 10 posts per page on your dash if you’re on a computer:

https://www.tumblr.com/settings/dashboard

Since I’m 100 miles behind on my dash looking at stuff from a week ago, I generally get all the new edits after an episode from this method, combined with selective blog stalking of my favourite people. :P

Anyway once you’re following a bunch of blogs for content, you’ll start to see a more nuanced version of tumblr on your dash - lots of discussion and posts in types you never thought you were looking for. I found MOST people I wanted to follow by seeing discussions or reblogs on my dash of things I was also interested in, using the original people I followed as like a style guide for what I wanted to see. 

People fairly regularly get asked or post lists of people THEY follow, or “follow forever” posts with up to like 100 people they follow on it; if you’re feeling lazy about populating your dash and stumble on one of those, you can indiscriminately follow all those lot and see what happens borrowing someone else’s dash (while knowing you can unfollow at any time). I’ve seen people in a ton of different fandoms doing it so if you go on a fandom blog you like and search “follow forever” on their page, you’ll either find them reblogging one they’re in with thanks, or making their own. It’s always the phrase “follow forever” which is handy for searching.

Aside from that, explore blogs! Follow posts to their sources if you like what someone said. I don’t follow any tags for fic and art because I see that most on my dash and can rely on everyone I follow to find and reblog it in the first place - I follow relatively few people JUST for fic or art, as they’re the things I rely on getting second hand a lot of the time and come with a sort of implicit recommendation that someone else already reblogged them onto my dash. (TBH you might have noticed I also said I don’t follow a lot of the BNF gif and edit people - meta blogs are the only things I follow MOSTLY to get their content direct from the source and this is advice I read when I was new to tumblr. Stuff like edits, art and fic from well-established fandom people will reach you whether you follow them or not, so concentrate on making friends and enjoying their content when you might be the first or only person to do so initially if they’re not very well known either) 

When you see a post you like on your dash, you follow the source, at the bottom of a reblogged post - just hover over their name:

That blue “follow” next to it, btw, it suggesting I follow the blog the person below this post reblogged something from. The pink “Unfollow” button on euclase’s pop-up bio would be a follow button if you weren’t following her (which you should probably go do right now, I’ll wait :P) Basically Tumblr is always giving you a ton of ways to follow more people while you’re on your dash.

You can also explore people’s blogs directly. For example, Shirley has a tag for all the fics she reblogs from other people:

http://destieldrabblesdaily.tumblr.com/tagged/drabbles%3A-others

If you browse tags like that on blogs that reblog a ton of content from others, you can follow people who make what you like best. So a blog that reblogs a ton of art will have way more choice about what artists to follow than seeking out individual artists one by one.

I think that’s all the advice I have to get you started >.> It’s way more nuanced with meta considering all the different interpretations going around and even the people I follow who I agree with enough to follow, definitely have massive schisms between how they all think as a whole of the meta bloggers I follow, so if you asked me this specifically because I’m a meta blog I’ll have to do a pt.2 on that when I’m a bit more awake. :P

[thetourguidebarbie]

So I mean this in the nicest possible way, but if you are not from the US, there’s a good chance that you don’t know how the US’s political system works or at least a lot of the nuances or background around certain laws that the Republicans will try to pass or repeal.

Please don’t repeat things that you haven’t fact-checked from an unbiased news source, because the amount of absolutely false facts I have heard from people who don’t actually live here that sound real enough that other people (even from the US) might buy them is way too high.

Here is a set of links for a information that might be helpful to you (some of these are from wikipedia because they’re a universal enough concept that it’s hard to get the facts wrong):

One: Basics of How the US Government Operates

How elections work (in a video or written article form)

The three branches of government (”checks and balances”)

Gerrymandering (also called re-districting)

The difference between state and federal power (example: medical marijuana use)

“red states” and “blue states”

How polls work (and why Nate Silver wasn’t wrong)

The order of succession

Two: House of Representatives and the Senate

The difference between the house and the senate

How the US makes laws

state representation (and why the senate is unfair)

Filibustering (less fun than the word sounds)

What a “Declaration of War” is, who can do it, and how it works

Three: The President and What They Can/Can’t Do

Executive Orders (what they are, damage trump could do to them, damage Trump could do with them)

State of emergency

Nuclear weapons codes

The Vice President’s role in government

Four: The Supreme Court

The Merrick Garland shitshow

How justices get appointed

Who Antonin Scalia is and why Trump appointing someone like him is dangerous

Who will most likely be replaced in the next four years

Five: Some information about hot button issues (that people often get wrong)

The Affordable Care Act and “Obamacare” (fun fact: they’re the same thing) and the myth of “repeal and replace”

The Iran deal

Voter ID laws

The United States’ official stance on Israel (and Donald Trump’s)

What “welfare” is (hint: it’s not a bad thing)

Six: The important characters/groups in this shitshow of a story (so far). 

It’s hard to explain who these people/groups are in one link, so i suggest you google and peruse the treasure trove of bullshit and good deeds, depending on who they are.

People:

Donald Trump (in case you’ve been living under a rock)

Mike Pence (DT’s Vice President and sincere bigot)

Paul Ryan (Speaker of the house and prominent republican leader)

Trump’s Cabinet 

Jeff Sessions (on the Cabinet but deserves his own bullet point because he’s a fucking monster)

Steve Bannon (head of breitbart and a despicable human being)

Groups/Organizations:

National Rifle Association (batshit pro-gun group)

Planned Parenthood (advocates and provides sex education, women’s health, and family planning resources)

Klu Klux Klan (white supremacist group with long history of terrible things)

Breitbart “News” (white supremacist “news” group. Not news)

White Supremecists/Neonazis (also known as the “alt-right”)

The Tea Party (radical right-wing party)

American Civil Liberties Union (v important human rights protectors)

Black Lives Matter (NOT a terrorist group, btw)

Don’t believe everything you read! Here is a non-exhaustive list of sources to watch out for/use reliably.

literally prints lies: Huffington Post (sorry, but it’s true!), Fox News, Breitbart, TheBlaze

left-leaning: Slate, MSNBC

right-leaning: Wall Street Journal

Relatively non-partisan: NPR, New York Times, CNN

Bonus link: Is Calexit a thing? (Yes. Yes it is.)

Please reblog and feel free to add links! I’m sorry this got so long, but I feel like this needed to be said and provided.

[thatsnotcanonpodcasts]

Breakups with Aimee Duroux

Breakups are, among other things, painful. Pain is a good teacher though. A tough, unnerving, total a****le, but a good teacher. I think we live in a society where we associate breakups with the end of romantic relationships, but they are far more widespread and nuanced than that.

In this episode I talk with Aimee Duroux (who you may remember from our social media episode) about why they hurt so much, how to go about them, and what is to be gleaned from them. Aimee is an actor, producer, writer, social media maven, voice over artist, and the human personification of sunflowers. She brings such warmth and insight to the conversation, and I genuinely cannot wait to share it with you. Let us know what you think! Tag us in your insta stories when you listen to it, or join our Facebook group to share your response! I’d love to put some human faces to the numbers.

Keep well,

-Paula

 P.S our loud siren friends from the fire department make another appearance about halfway through this episode, so again, do not be alarmed if you hear some distant sirens, that’s on our end.

  EPISODE NOTES:

 Things We Mentioned

..... 

Starlight Children’s Foundation is an amazing charity very close to my heart. Find out more here about them and how they bring some much-needed levity and distraction to sick kids.

..... 

Generation Why? Is yet to be released but you better believe that Make sure you stay in the loop by following the Facebook page

..... 

In the episode I talk about one of my most painful platonic break-ups from back when I was in primary school. I heard myself using the phrase “distress they caused me” and I just wanted to, firstly, clarify that break-ups cause emotional distress, but it would be unfair of me to blame that on the people involved, as they have no power or responsibility over my emotions.  And secondly, I wanted to say that none of the people in question were cruel. Sure it hurt; it would always hurt. But they did it in the most mature way possible, which was really impressive considering we were all 13. I was aware at the time that there wasn’t a better way they could have handled it, and it was just going to hurt for a while. A lot of my distress came from the narrative I had created around it, and they had no control over that. I have since done a LOT of work on myself in therapy to rewrite this narrative, and address the nasty core beliefs it was rooted in. Yay progress!

..... 

Memory distortion Look you don’t need me to tell you that memory is not perfect, they’re not even static. Memory is a malleable tool that our minds use to reinforce personal narratives and lessons, as well as survive. That’s why people can have repressed memories when they have a traumatic experience. Here’s a Psychology Today article on the mechanics of memory. And here is one on Business Insider for a more general overview of what it is and how we can use it as a tool.

..... 

School of life is something you have almost certainly seen on YouTube. It was founded by Alain De Button (that dude with the TEDtalk about why you’ll marry the wrong person) and Sophie Howarth (a writer and social entrepreneur with quite a few interesting ventures, start here if you fancy a google). In case you haven’t heard of them, here’s a video on who they are, and two little vids related to the episode: the challenge of being close, and  how to get over someone

..... 

Esthere Perel is a BELGIAN psychotherapist with three TEDtalks, four books, and is famous for exploring the tension between the need for both security and freedom in relationships. She also has her own podcast called “Where should we begin” and it is FASCINATING. You get to sit in on a couples therapy session, and it is such a brilliant dive into the human experience, love, relationships- everything. Just go and listen. Nothing I say can do it justice.

..... 

The Harvard Study, which is the nickname of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, is one of the longest running longitudinal studies in the world, and one of the most significant studies on emotional well-being in history (because it is still ongoing. 80 years later). Learn more about it in this TEDtalk, or this article. If anyone finds some good scholarly articles that are free/easy to access, hit me up!

..... 

Metal Straws: Aimee and I forgot to mention that of course not all people have the option to use metal straws, such as disabled people with certain mobility impairments who would find it difficult and potentially dangerous. If you can, do. And if you can’t, then I’m sure there are plenty of other ways you can cut down on single use plastics. There are a terrifying number of single use plastic products so the options to cut them out are pretty numerous. As with all things though, do what you can, and slowly you’ll find you can do more.

..... 

Love Bachually is a little like Shameless but specifically for The Bachelor; smart women talk about reality TV in a way that unpacks bigger issues with nuance and humour. I like to listen to it when I’m winding down for the day (still haven’t watched a full episode of The Bachelor and don’t feel at all confused when I listen btw). Check it out on the TNC website (if you’re reading this, you’re half way there!) and Instagram

   You can find Aimee here:

On Instagram

Her website

And her Facebook page

  Had a chuckle? Feeling less alone? Don’t forget to rate and review the podcast! It tells the algorithm to suggest us to other people.

If you’ve stumbled upon us, you can join the community on Instagram as stumblethroughpod here

And on Facebook as Stumble Through Podcast here

Produced by That’s Not Canon Productions. Graphics by Claudia Piggott. Music by Jessica Fletcher.

Subscribe to us on ITUNES, STITCHER, SPOTIFY, RADIOPUBLIC or your podcatcher of choice.

Find us on FACEBOOK or INSTAGRAM.

[cmyk-discourse-blog]

Summary #2 Terhi 1.10.18

Summary #2 Terhi 1.10.18

We met at Aina’s place and had a nice time chatting while Aina served us lovely blueberry pie and tea! It was nice and we had a cozy atmosphere for our chat.

You could say that this time the texts “spoke our language”, we felt more connected to them.

We pondered how some people seem to be “time travelers” -– how can someone come up with something that others discover decades later? Maybe no one listened, or then others are just better in marketing their ideas. Talking about Crane (in the 1900’s) and then Klee and other Bauhaus-people (in the 1920–30’s) and the design principles.

It’s interesting that the rules have always been there, but it took so long for anyone to write them down. Maybe because the language of design/graphics/visuals is so different from text and written language? Again, this division. But, I feel that the design principles have a lot to do how we people are “wired”, how we see beauty in symmetry and colour harmony for example, or feel more excited  about ‘dynamic’ shapes and diagonal lines, all that. So behind it all is a universal language with rules, I guess. On top of that there are the values shared in a specific culture and the individual preferences.

We talked about the design rules for a while. Are the rules really needed? We came to the conclusion that you don’t always have to play by the rules, but… (the old cliché/meme) you have to know the rules to break the rules. If you are a trained professional, you can usually spot the works made by unprofessionals. Something’s not quite “right”. Maybe they broke the “wrong rules”? Maybe you can see that they are trying to mimic something cool they saw but didn’t really understand the essence of.

Again, this leads us to the gatekeepers. Do we have to really be so strict? Is only the art/design/craft made by the likes of us good art/design/craft? Does everyone have to have the same background for us to approve it?

But I hope that my education could be seen in the things that I do! Everyone can of course get the Adobe programs and start designing away, I’m not stopping them. People can educate them selves, do online courses, read books, train, sure. It’s just that few of the people who use Photoshop and call themselves graphic designers and make their uncle’s company’s visual identity for free or for a low pay (thus making it hard for the people who actually only work in this industry and don’t do it “as a hobby” to make a living and keep the prices (and the quality of work) reasonable……)

Utkarsh told us that back where he’s from people call graphic design “dtp”–data, typesetting, printing. So it’s considered as something quite practical, people see the designer’s as “photoshop monkeys” who just press the buttons, who execute the stuff without much thinking/effort. Very practical… and stuff just needs to be done, it doesn’t matter what the shop window looks like at long as there’s some information. I mean, I guess it’s the same in here also but maybe people in Finland have been more accustomed to the idea of branding/design as a tool to make their business bloom. If your website looks messy, people won’t trust you. (Of course you shouldn't automatically trust “good-looking”/designed websites either! But this is how we people roll…)

We talked some about infographics. How people in some cases trust more a picture than the text, and in some cases it’s the other way. For example people trust maps. Even though they are as well a human-made artefact as any illustration or (constructed?) photograph. So I was thinking that it would be fun to make a project where in the maps there were all sorts of things that weren’t “true”. “Here be monsters.”

Oona showed us a part of an interview with the movie director David Lynch. Lynch describes the problem with language quite well: At first he struggles how to take his ideas and make them into cinema, to moving images, sound, atmosphere, cuts, all that. Into the language of cinema. Then people ask him: “What does it mean?”, and then he is forced to again translate the movie into words, from the language of cinema to the language of spoken language. He refuses to do so, what it the point? He claims that everyone, somewhere inside of themselves, understood what was meant. They understand it without words. If they have to put it into words, it’s difficult. Then they might say that they didn’t know what it was about. But when someone else describes what they thought it meant – then you disagree, “No, it’s not like that! It’s something like this:…”. So, you did know how you felt about it!

Nice. “The more abstract things are––the more they are open to interpretation.”

Talking about how pictures were seen as inferior to text – not everyone could read, so the educated priests knew all the secrets and the “dum peasants” could only understand the pictures. Picture books are for children, somehow it devalues the words written if there is a picture next to them. In some cases. Like comics. But then again, newspapers? These days you basically have to have a picture related to your text if you want people to stop scrolling their feed and take notice. People also understand pictures with a quick glance quite well. “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Maybe you need to study it for a while to get to know all the nuances, but anyway. So which one wins?

Do we have to fight?

Btw everyone of us (in the group) wanted to be a “good craftsman”. (I wanted to write “craftswoman”, but then the quotation marks would have been wrongly used maybe.) It would be interesting to hear the arguments against this. Of course real life hits you in the face, and also for this to be an utopia the craftswoman also needs free time, not to be working all the time. But anyway, yes!, we hate the way people are being used as parts of this money-making machine. There should be something more noble to achieve.

Memes! We all love memes. Some talk about internet-memes. Meme history was interesting. Also the idea of people as vessels for ideas that travel through time and space and mutate.

What’s the connector of these texts that we read this time? Maybe that we get used to stuff, we assume that if things have been some way, then that’s the natural order of things, the way it should be. Even if it’s not, it’s just how we’re USED TO it being. I think this is good and bad. It’s good to build on old knowledge, you don’t have to invent the wheel again. But you have to question things: is this the way things need to be? Is there a better way to do things? STAY ALERT!!!