#neal is a good guy in this one

[exhaustedpirate]

the one where Emma is pregnant

for everyone who didn't ask for it, I wrote a two-shot fic of that plotline on friends where Joey realises he loves Rachel but Ross kinda gets in the way but I made it CaptainSwan and (don't come at me) made it as it should have happened on the show ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ massive thanks to @belovedcreation for being my beta and having so much patience with me! rated T | 7662 words also on AO3

Chapter One - Killian

Killian Jones was going to hell.

Not only was he going to hell but he was living it too.

Emma Swan was pregnant. He was in love with Emma Swan. And he was not the father of Emma Swan’s baby. 

On top of that, Emma Swan did not love him back and was currently in the living room they shared reading Dr. Seuss to her 6-month bump, in a painfully (read, lovely) domestic scene.

Maybe not hell but very close.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” Killian heard from the kitchen, watching her hand make absent-minded shapes on her clothed belly. “You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” 

He took a deep centering breath. He did that a lot around her.

“Think the lad will come out speaking in rhymes?” He asked playfully, coming to sit on the arm of the couch.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” Even without looking at her, he could tell she was rolling her eyes and he smiled. “All the baby books say to talk to the baby, so he knows your voice and since I don’t want to bore him with adoption bureaucracy, Dr. Seuss will do.” With a pleased grin, Emma burrowed further into the carefully placed pillows and flipped the page. “You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em-” Taking advantage of her single-hand hold, Killian took the book from her hand. “Hey!”

“He is probably tired of your voice by now,” He teased, ignoring her raised eyebrow glare. “Uncle Killian is the master storyteller here.” 

Emma scoffed, clearly trying to hide her smile. “Alright, Uncle Killian, dazzle us.” 

“Make yourself comfortable, Swan.” 

She made a show of fixing herself, positioning her body towards him with an expectant gaze, her hands on her five-month pregnant belly. For a moment, he let himself watch her, pretend for a moment that this was his. “We’re waiting.”

He shook off his fantasies, winking at her to disguise his turmoil. “You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, ‘I don’t choose to go there.’” Her eyes closed when he glanced over to her and his smile grew. “With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.”

“Wow!”

Killian turned sharply to Emma at her exclamation, finding her with eyes wide open and a surprised smile on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, he just gave the strongest kick!”

He couldn’t help the fascinated expression on his face as he glanced between her belly and her face. “Really?”

“Yeah! Here,” Without warning, she grabbed his hand, the book forgotten to the floor.

His hand glided over her clothed belly guided by her own and he couldn’t help but to watch as her eyebrows scrunched in concentration, her teeth teasing her bottom lip. Tempting.

As if aware of his wandering thoughts, he felt a mighty kick against his palm startling a gasp out of him. “Did you feel it?” 

“Aye,” Killian breathed out in fascination, a grin stretching over his mouth at the feel of a second kick right under his fingers. “He’s strong.”

“Don’t I know it,” Emma chuckled with a hint of a reproach towards the small human growing inside her. “He’s been kicking at me for a few weeks but the books were saying that people should start being able to feel it about now.”

Killian felt a third softer push against his palm and he began to move his fingers in a soothing gesture. “You’ve been kicking your mother, lad, that’s not very nice.” He admonished in a soft voice, directed at the baby. His rebellious response was two consecutive kicks to his hand causing Emma to snort in amusement. “Apologies, love, I tried.” He chuckled.

“That’s alright,” Emma sighed with a blissfully happy smile on her face, her hands rubbing up and down the sides of her belly, her fingers touching his on every up stroke. “He just likes Uncle Killian’s voice.” 

He met her gaze. Her green eyes were a reflection of her happiness, of her serenity. Despite any misgivings upon discovering her pregnancy, there was no one who loved her baby more than Emma Swan. And all he wanted to do, all he was focusing on not doing was kissing her. Kissing her and telling her he loved her. Telling her he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. Her and her lad.

That, in fact, had been the biggest shock of it all. Killian Jones, eternal bachelor and avid birth control advocate, wanted to be a father. Wanted to be a husband.

All because of Emma Swan.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” The sudden opening of the apartment door caused Killian to startle into standing before turning towards Neal. “Traffic was a bitch.”

“It’s Friday, everyone wants to get home first,” Emma groaned as she pushed herself into standing.

“I can relate,” Neal snarked, wrapping his arms around Emma for a quick hug before turning to Killian. “Thought you would be at the Rabbit Hole by now, or on a hot date.”

“Nah,” Killian waved the idea away. “I wanted to make sure Emma would be okay until you got here.”

“You’re a good guy,” Neal smiled with a pat to Killian’s shoulder. “Now that I’m here, we should really go.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighed, fixing her bag on her shoulder. “I told the doctor we would be late but we shouldn’t keep them longer.”

“I want to know everything when you’re back.” Killian said, as he always did.

“Don’t worry, Uncle Killian, I’ll give you a picture to add to the fridge.” Emma laughed, her hand running down his arm as she followed Neal to the door.

“See you later, man.” Neal waved leaving Killian alone in his living room, arm in the air in a wave.

To add fuel to the hellfire. Neal Cassidy was his best friend. Neal Cassidy was the baby’s father. And Neal Cassidy was also in love with Emma Swan.

---

Killian would admit, only under threat of excruciating torture, that he was jealous of Neal. It hadn’t always been the case, of course. He’d met him years ago through his flatmate, David, who had been Neal’s college roommate. 

He hadn’t been jealous then. Didn’t envy Neal’s broken engagement or the betrayal that led to it. Didn’t envy having to restart his life after something like that. Not when he had gone through the same too. 

So what if Neal and Emma had been friends during their school years? They shared the same friend group, so really nothing to be jealous of.

And it wasn’t like he had loved Emma for years, pining away in dark corners and brooding in a lonely room.

Truth was, Emma had fascinated him from the first moment they met. Strong-willed and caring, not to mention absolutely gorgeous, she had burst into their lives in a pink skin-tight dress. Hazards of the job, she called it. Apparently, she had followed her skip to New York and proceeded to ‘honey trap’ him, her words. There had been some choice words directed at her that had led her to the bar their group had been at as well, giving Emma and Mary Margaret an enthusiastic reunion. And he was entranced.

His reputation as a bit of a philanderer, however, had her keeping her distance from him. He couldn’t blame her. It would have likely ended badly if they had fallen into bed with each other. Probably.

In any case, they were friends. Emma had warmed up to him as he opened up to her. They shared stories, scars, adventures. He still slept around, she did too. She dated some people, so did he. She fell in love with Neal, he… was happy for her.

They were friends and it was enough for him.

Until it wasn’t.

David and Mary Margaret’s wedding was years in the making, more than a decade probably. It was clear to anyone who knew them that those two were perfect for each other. So to not only be a part of their wedding but to do so as the officiant was the best day of his life. 

Finding out that Emma was pregnant with Neal’s baby did put a damper on the occasion.

He would have also preferred that said baby hadn’t been conceived at his place but Killian was making the conscious choice to put all that far away from his brain. 

But it was fine, he had offered his spare room after Tink’s flat caught on fire. He had wanted to be there for his best friend and his infatuation was manageable. Besides, he didn’t want to ruin their friendship over some physical attraction he felt towards her. He had learned to live with it by trying to find a replacement in other people. Not exactly the healthiest but they were all consenting adults. 

Of course, he should know that managing it wouldn’t cut it for too long.

“Killian,” Emma called, in that soft voice that told him she was about to ask him something. “Can you get me a muffin, please?”

He grinned, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“Come on, I’ll make sure to tell the baby all about their amazing Uncle Killian.” She pouted,  as she pointedly rubbed her bump, beautifully round 4 months into the gestation process, her eyes shining with mirth. 

“You know, Swan,” he started, standing up. “Once that baby is out, you’ll have to stop using him to get what you want.” 

“Agree to disagree,” She grinned as he shook his head with a matching smile. “Chocolate, please.” 

He sighed, aware that all that hemming and hawing was purely for show. He would give her anything she asked for. He delighted in the happy wiggle she did on the coffee shop’s chair as he handed her her muffin, in the brilliant smile on her face. In a happy Emma.

“Actually, Swan, I want your opinion on something.”

“Shoot.” 

Killian grinned at her muffled voice, her mouth full of muffin. “I’m trying to figure where to take Ariel on a date, do you know of any good restaurants?”

“Ariel? Who’s that?” 

“Someone I met at the bar the other day, did I not mention her?”

“No,” She frowned as she wiped her mouth.

“Well, I need to impress her, if you know what I mean.” He winked, making it all the more exaggerated for the eye roll.

“Right,” She grunted.

“Something wrong?”

“Nope,” She quickly answered, popping the ‘p’. “Just make sure to go to her house this time, I wanna sleep.”

Killian’s grin widened. “Not to worry, Swan, I won’t get between you and sleep again. But will you help me?”

“Hmm,” Emma hummed as she broke the muffin into small pieces. “You could take her to Bella Notte, they make delicious food and it’s so beautiful there.” Her voice lightened as she spoke, her lips ticking up in a smile.

“That sounds good.” “And, afterwards, you could take her to Any Given Sundae for dessert. Or take her on a walk on the docks. Oh! Take her dancing!”

“That’s all well and good, Swan, but won’t all of that make her too tired to have sex with me?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, his grin threatening to split his face.

Emma rolled her eyes, sitting back on the couch with a pout.

“I’m sorry, love, those are great ideas.” Killian reassured with a soft smile.

“I can’t believe I miss dating,” She sighed, placing her free hand on her already visible bump. “I actually miss getting dressed up and going somewhere fancy with some random guy that will disappoint me in bed but will at least take me to a nice restaurant. I won’t be able to do that for a long time…” She patted her belly before turning back to Killian. “Not that I’m not excited to give birth to a sixteen pound baby, of course.”

Killian smiles at her understandingly. “Hey, Swan?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to go on a date with me?”

He almost laughed at the way her mouth gaped open before she scoffed, composing herself. “Yeah, right, like you would wanna go out with a pregnant woman.”

“You’re right,” Killian nodded, watching as her shoulders dropped in resignation. “I want to go out with my best friend and have a good time.” His heart soared at the soft smile on her face, a strange spark of something in her eyes. “Besides, it’ll take your mind off birth plans, c-sections, pushing a human head out of your-”

“Alright!” Emma interrupted loudly, glaring at his laughter before joining him. “I’d love to go out with you.”

“I promise you’ll have fun.” Killian winked before standing up to leave with a kiss to her head. “Be ready at 7.”

In hindsight, he should know that hell is filled with good intentions and, as previously said, he was in hell. While all he wanted was to make his best friend happy, he hadn’t been able to ignore the fluttering in his chest at the prospect of this date.

Killian knocked on his flat door at exactly 7pm. He heard her call out to him from inside and resisted the urge to laugh. He knocked once more and held his breath when he heard her approach. Emma opened the door and he was sure his heart had stopped at the sight of her surprised smile.

“What are you doing out there?” Emma asked, a confused smile on her face.

His grin widened. “I’m here to pick you up for our date.” He pulled his hand from behind his back handing her a red rose. “For you.”

Killian watched as her smile grew more genuine, her eyes softening. He felt her fingers brush against his as she took the flower from his hand. “Thank you.” He let her awed whisper and the way her eyes fluttered shut as she smelled the rose to nestle in his chest.

Right, hell.

“This is great,” She smiled widely as she turned to him. “It actually feels like we’re going on a real date,” She whirled around, letting the smell of her vanilla shampoo hit his nose at the movement, to put the rose in a glass of water. “Though, I do have a hint of morning sickness and this was the only dress I could fit in that was date-worthy.”

Killian let his eyes wander down her body at the mention. Her red dress fit snugly around her bump and left her legs bare from the knee down. He remembered the dress from one of their outings to the bar and how loose it had fit her then. She had kept her hair down and it shone even in the artificial lighting. She looked breathtaking.

He mentally shook himself away from fantasies about taking that dress off her. “Alright, Swan, I’m making it my mission to make you forget all about that,” he grinned before clearing his throat and fixing his posture. “Right, so, you have a nice place, I like your book collection.”

“Actually, that’s my roommate’s,” She played along, a beautiful smirk on her face. 

“Your roommate? A fellow reader, they sound interesting.”

“He is but he’s also very protective so be warned.” She grinned as she grabbed her bag and her coat.

“And uh, is he good looking?” 

“Mhmm.” 

He approached with a swagger as she turned her back to the door, entranced by her happy smile. “Oh, it must be tough to keep your hands to yourself…”

Her soft laughter reached into his chest. “Actually, I think he has a leather kink, you know what I mean?” She winked as she opened the door to leave.

“Way to ruin the game, Swan.” He rolled his eyes, a faux annoyed tone to his voice even as he all but skipped out of the flat. 

Emma was still laughing as they got out of the cab in front of the restaurant. Just like she’d suggested, he had booked them a table by the window at Bella Notte.

“What did I tell you?” Emma smiles, dazzled and vindicated. “Isn’t it beautiful?” 

It was beautiful but that’s not where his attention was. It was on the way the warm candle light reflected in her hair. And the way her eyes shone with delight. And the way it made everything look so much more intimate. 

And the way it put him in so much trouble.

“You’re always right, Swan,” he sighed, hoping she would take his tone as reluctance and not this fascination running through him.

Emma winked and he smirked as he rushed to pull the chair out for her. Her smile grew as she sat down, looking up at him. “Hmm, Killian Jones is a gentleman on dates.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Killian winked, taking her coat from her before taking one of her hands in his free one. “I’m always a gentleman.” 

He hoped it hadn’t been his wishful thinking that he saw a shiver run down her arm at the kiss he placed on her knuckles, his eyes locked with hers. It was only the movement from an approaching waiter that broke him from the spell of her green gaze. He cleared his throat taking his seat, missing the disappointed look on her face or the way she rubbed the place where he kissed with his thumb. He had to show a semblance of control.

The waiter offered them a wine menu which had Emma’s brow furrowed in disappointment. In a show of support, Killian ordered a lasagna for two - after receiving Emma’s approving nod - with their best non-alcoholic beverage.

“You really don’t have to do this, Killian,” Emma pressed her lips together, even as he noticed the appreciative spark in her eyes. “I’m the one who can’t drink, not you.”

“I know.” 

Her cheeks reddened under his smirk before she smiled fully back at him. Emma shuffled in her seat before she crossed her arms on the table, staring at him with searching eyes.

“So, besides pulling chairs, what else does Gentleman Killian do on dates?”

“Are you saying I need more than just my good looks?” He laughed at her answering look, raised eyebrows and all. “Well, my brother always taught me to listen, be respectful and polite. You have him to thank.” 

Emma sat back on her chair, raising an incredulous eyebrow. “Really? No special moves? What about the hand kiss?”

“I’m just my irresistible self, Swan, that’s all I really need,” Killian winked as he mirrored her posture. “Don’t worry, I don’t have any special tricks that will make you fall in love with me.”

She still looked unconvinced as she inspected him, watching his eyes. He decided to level the playing field, leaning forward to place his elbows on the table.

“What about you, Swan? Any tricks?”

“I don’t need any tricks,” She smirked, pushing away hair from her shoulder in a slow move. His eyes tracked the movement of her hand as she brought it back down her chest before settling it back on her lap. When he looked up at her, her smile was wide and triumphant. “I just clean up well and that’s usually enough.”

“Well,” Killian cleared his throat, sitting back on his chair and scratching at the back of his neck. “That will do it.”

Emma laughed delightedly. That does it too. The waiter returned with their food and beverages and it tasted just as delicious as it smelled. Despite the initial plan of pretending to be on a real date, their conversation topics and general posture is equal to every other time they’ve been together. 

With some differences. He felt the touch of her hand on his far more often as he forcefully pushed down his desire to hold it, especially when she dragged her fingers away and he felt her touch emblazoned on his skin. He watched her more attentively than usual too. The way her eyes sparkled, the way her full lips stretched, the way they parted, the way she ran her tongue over them, the way he just wanted to press his lips against hers.

Killian wondered if that is one of her special tricks on a date. He wondered if it would matter if they were. He wondered if it would stop the ache and the pining in his chest for something real with Emma Swan.

“This was great,” Emma smiled brightly, her coat wrapped around her shoulders as they reached their flat door. “Thank you for doing this.”

“It was my pleasure, love,” Killian smiled as he stood close to her, his hand coming up to push her hair over her shoulder. “I had a lot of fun.”

They were close. He could see the specks of gold in her green eyes and had never felt such a desperate need to touch her, hold her. He thought he heard her breath quicken before she cleared her throat.

“Well, how do dates usually end for Killian Jones?” 

Her smirk wasn’t as bright as before, a hint of anxiety in her eyes and he wondered - hoped - she was jealous, as unrealistic as it was.

“In bed, either mine or theirs, as you well know,” Her unimpressed gaze lost its strength under the red hue of her cheeks. “Or did you want to know how I get them there?”

“Can’t blame a girl for being curious,” At his hesitation, she continued. “Afraid I can’t handle it?” She raised her eyebrow as she crossed her arms over his chest and he wanted to kiss that smirk off her lips. “Try me, Jones.”

“Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Killian smirked, taking a fortifying breath, not just as a need to focus but to hold on to his restraint. “I usually get really close and say,” He raised his hand to cup her cheek, his fingers in her hair while his thumb rubbed against her cheek, his eyes glancing between her widened eyes and her lips. “You owe me a second date, love,” He lowered his voice, invading her personal space as his thumb moved down to whisper over her parted bottom lip. “I spent the whole night distracted by your lips.”

He felt her shaky breath on the pad of his thumb as he kept his eyes on hers. The way her pupils widened to swallow the green. The way her chest rose and fell to accommodate her stuttered breathing. He felt his heart beat faster on his chest as a feel of desire ran down his body. Maybe he’s the one who can’t handle it.

Emma blinked rapidly, her eyes losing their dazed quality as she focused on the here and now. She pulled back, removing her face from his touch as he noticed how she had leaned towards him in response. 

“Wow, that is good, I almost believed you.” She let out in a shaky laugh, turning around to grab the keys from her back to open the door to their flat. He is thankful for the opportunity to gather some control now that he’s away from her captivating gaze. “I can see that working.”

Should he tell her that, despite having done it many times before, it had never affected him as much as then? 

“Well, it worked with you too,” he quipped, putting on his tried and true swagger as he followed her in. “It got me inside your place.” 

Her surprised laughter lifts his spirits and has his smile widening. “Right, I mean you did say it would work!”

Killian winked, stuffing his hands in his pockets to stop him from touching her again. “What about you? Anything you do to get them in your room?”

“Well,” Emma started with a smirk, dropping his jacket on the couch and approaching him, causing his fists to clench in his pocket. “It’s all about the hands, right?”

Her eyes lock onto his as she places her hands on his chest. He’s sure she can feel his heart pounding against her palm. “And keeping my voice real low,” She whispers as her hands run up to his shoulders. “As I tell you that I enjoyed our date,” Her fingers whisper over the skin of his neck, a spark running down his body until it reaches his waist, before placing them at the back of his neck. He can feel her fingers play with his hair and her breath against his as she speaks. “And that I would love to go out again.”

The rope that had been holding him back the whole evening breaks as he eliminates the space between them to press his lips against hers, his hands coming out to rest on her hips. Her surprised gasp brings him back to reality, quickly pulling away from her.

“I’m sorry,” He whispers with matching wide eyes. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Yeah, well,” Her voice is shaky and he hates himself for causing her such distress. “I think we let this fake date thing get to us a little bit.”

“I’m really sorry, Swan.” He breathes out.

“Don’t worry about it,” She waves away, running her hands through her hair. “We are just very good at this.” 

“Aye.” 

“Anyway, I really need to get out of these shoes so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course,” He nods quickly. “Have a good night.”

She backs away towards her room with a small smile. “I had a great time, Killian, thank you.”

“Me too,” He holds his breath until her door closes behind her. He lets it out in a rush, his hands coming up to rub at his face as a panic starts to rise in his chest.

He was in love with his best friend. That’s when true hell began.

Despite his realization, Killian decided to follow Emma’s lead. She didn’t bring up their ‘date’ and what happened after and neither did he. They carried on as normal for the next couple of months, as he carried on his role as her devout friend. 

His date with Ariel only served to cement his feelings towards Emma. While a lovely and gorgeous girl, he missed the desire and affection that had been so natural when he had been with Emma. It made it all clearer. Especially when he couldn’t bring himself to bring her to his room.

So he ignored the way his heart beat faster in his chest whenever she drew near, whenever they touched. He forced down his desire to hold her a little tighter, touch her a little longer, kiss her, love her. He pushed it all down because she was his best friend and he would rather have her as a friend than not have her at all.

---

“God, this kid is killing me,” Emma groaned as she all but threw herself onto the couch. “How long until he’s out of me, again?”

“According to your very detailed calendar,” Killian grinned, looking at the calendar stuck to the fridge door. “About 13 weeks.”

“Who was the smart asshole who thought counting it in weeks would help?” 

Killian laughed, watching as Emma pouted before shuffling on the couch trying to get comfortable. “Does 3 months sound like less time?”

Her displeased groan was his only answer and the following glare at his responding laugh had him extremely glad that she didn’t have magical powers.

“I’m sorry, love, will a foot rub help?”

Her assessing gaze had him brightening his already dazzling smile. She sighed and he counted it as a victory. “Damn you, Jones, you always know what to say.” 

Killian winked. “It’s one of my many talents.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Emma rolled her eyes but her smile took all the heat away from it, specially as she shook her feet out of her slippers. “Just come here.”

Killian grinned as he sat on the coffee table, a pillow on his lap to accommodate her aching feet. He took hold of her ankles, carefully pulling her feet up to his lap. She sighed at the upright position and he waited for her to get comfortable once more.

“Ready?”

“Oh yeah,” Emma smiled in anticipation. “Dazzle me with your skills.”

Killian laughed before finally putting his hands on her feet. He had become accustomed to rubbing her feet after a long day, especially during the latest weeks as they began to hurt more and more. She had protested against it the first time he tried to offer, claiming that she didn’t need to be babied just because she was having one. After she relented, she had basically claimed him as her foot masseur.

He didn’t complain. It made him feel like he was helping, like he was part of it. Besides, he definitely wasn’t complaining at the sounds Emma makes during his foot rubs. Especially when she really got into it. The pillow on his lap wasn’t just for her comfort.

Killian focused on the plot of the coin documentary Mary Margaret made them watch as punishment for the disaster that was David’s bachelor party. Little did she know, it had actually helped him a lot in situations like this.

“Ow!”

Emma’s startled gasp of pain had him quickly pull his hands away from her feet. 

“What happened? Did I hurt you?”

“No, no, you were doing great,” Her face scrunched up in pain as her hands roamed her belly and sides before settling at the front of her abdomen. “I just felt this sharp pain.”

“Maybe you should lie down.”

“Yeah, may- Ah!” He took hold of her ankles once more to put them back down as she tried to curl in pain. “Okay,” She winced in pain as she felt another sharp pain. “I’m kinda freaking out, Killian!”

“I’m sure it’s all going to be alright, Emma, but,” he continued as she opened her mouth to argue with him. “Why don’t we go to the hospital to get it checked out? I’ll text Neal on the way.”

Emma nodded quickly, taking hold of his hands to stand up from the couch, letting go to place them on her abdomen once more. “Oh god!”

“Emma,” he called, placing his hand under her chin to bring her eyes up to his. “It’s going to be alright, trust me.” Even with fearful eyes, she nodded, her trust in him comforting as he smiled. “Let’s go.” 

She took his hand as he led her out of the flat, gripping it painfully as she gasped in pain. 

“Bloody hell!”

“Same here, buddy.”

---

Killian wondered if it was possible to wear out tiled flooring with all the back and forth pacing he was doing in the hospital’s waiting room. Of course, all of that stopped mattering when the consultation room’s door opened to an annoyed but no longer in pain Emma.

“So?” 

“She’s fine,” The doctor answered as she walked out behind Emma who couldn’t help her eye roll. In any other moment he would have smiled at that. “Those were just Braxton Hicks contractions, they are contractions in the uterine wall not unlike labor contractions.”

“Yeah, so fine is an understatement, don’t you think?”

Again, if looks could kill.

“So, everything is normal?” Killian directed at Doctor Lucas - according to her coat - hoping Emma would forgive him for ignoring her comment. “And the baby is fine?”

“Absolutely, it can be a very scary situation but they are both fine.” 

“Thanks, doc.” Emma smiled, a thin smile but thankful nonetheless. Doctor Lucas gave them a final smile and a nod before returning to her office.

Emma sighed, placing her hands on Killian’s arms. “Thank you, Killian, I couldn’t have done this if you hadn’t been so calm.”

“Calm?!” He exclaimed, his hands gripping her wrists. “I have never been more scared in my whole life!”

“What?” Her mouth parted as her eyes widened in surprise. “But you said everything would be alright.”

“I’m not a doctor, Swan, I don’t know anything!”

“But we are fine, it’s all okay.”

His hands moved from her wrists to grasp onto her hands. “Are you sure?”

Her smile both calmed his racing heart and created a flutter in his belly. “Yeah, all good.”

Killian wrapped his arms around her tightly while minding the baby between them, feeling all his worries leave him as her fingers played with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Hey,” Neal’s voice interrupted their hug and Killian stuck his hands on his back pockets as he took Emma’s hands in his. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s all okay.” She smiled reassuringly.

“Killian’s text said to come to the hospital, what happened?”

“Something called Braxton Hicks contractions.” Killian answered, with a deep breath as he fixed his hair.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Neal’s shoulder dropped in relief as he ran his thumbs over Emma’s hands. “The books say most women don’t even feel them.”

“Alright,” Emma pulls her hands from Neal’s grip to place them on her hips. “No uterus, no opinion.” 

Finally, Killian could smile at her glare, mostly because it wasn’t directed at him.

“What took you so long anyway?” Killian asked, hoping to distract Emma’s anger. 

“I was having coffee with Tink,” Neal answered, before his eyes widened and he smacked his hand against his forehead. “Shit, she probably thinks I ditched her.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, I checked my messages while she went to the bathroom and didn’t even tell her.”

“She’s gonna kill you,” Killian laughed, stopping when he received a raised eyebrow glare from Emma. “I mean, I’m sure she’ll forgive you.”

“Oh,” Her eyes widened in realization. “I gotta go back in there.”

“Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Neal asked in succession as he laid his hands on her arms. “Tell me.” 

Emma sighed. “I forgot my underwear, okay? Chill.” She answered with a chuckle.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes fondly when Neal let go of her arms to nervously scratch the side of his head. She shared an amused look with Killian before returning to the consultation room.

Neal cleared his throat, turning towards Killian. “Thanks for bringing her to the hospital, man. I really appreciate it.” He nodded, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, mate, it was the least I could do.”

“I just wish it had been me,” Neal sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I mean, I’m the dad.”

It wasn’t easy to forget.

He opened his mouth to reassure his friend when Doctor Lucas came back out of her office. “I got you some information on Braxton Hicks, in case you have any questions,” She smiled politely, handing Killian the papers. “You did the right thing bringing her in, you’re going to make a wonderful father.”

And while Killian’s heart soared at the compliment, there was a weight bringing it back down to the reality of the situation. He glanced towards Neal’s hurt expression before smiling thinly at the doctor. “He’s the father, actually,” Killian corrected, taking the papers from her. “And he knows way more than me about this so I need all the help I can get, thanks.”

“Right, hmm, I’m sorry.” 

“No need to worry, you didn’t know,” Neal waved away Doctor Lucas’ apology with a tight smile. “It was an honest mistake.”

As if he didn’t already feel bad enough.

---

“Are you sure you should be doing this?” 

“Mary Margaret has been complaining about this door for weeks,” David grunted as he tried to force a screw to leave its place. “She’s going to love me when I fix it.”

“I’m all for helping you make your lady happy, mate,” Killian continued, ignoring David’s unamused glare by adjusting his grip on the door. “I’m just wondering if you’re the right man for the job.”

David stood up, placing his clenched fists on his waist. “Are you saying I’m not man enough to fix a creaky door?”

“Not at all,” Killian quickly answered, holding back his amusement. “You just don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to fixing things. Need I remind you-”

“Don’t even start with the TV incident.” David interrupted before returning to the task at hand.

“I’m just saying, you still owe me 200 dollars.”

“How’s that inappropriate crush on Emma going?” David asked, effectively making him forget about the time he ruined their TV.

The skin behind his ear was tingling and his hands were too busy to scratch at it. “Bloody fantastic,” he gritted out. Sometimes, he still regretted having confided in his best friend. “I just wish I could make all these feelings go away, wish it could all go back to normal.” David sent him a sympathetic gaze and he sighed. “I love having her around, helping out with the baby is amazing but I think Neal is having a hard time with all of this.”

“What do you mean?” David asked with a frown, both at the idea but also with effort.

“I think he feels left out,” Killian answered. “When I took Emma to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father and the look on Neal’s face killed me.”

“It’s not your fault, though, what else were you going to do? You had to take her to the hospital.”

“Aye, but-”

“It’s not your fault,” David repeated insistently. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” He returned to the task at hand, his head tilting to the side and a smirk twitching at his lips. “Except for loving the woman carrying your best friend’s baby.”

“Right,” Killian said bitterly. “Thanks, mate.” 

David stood up to his full height and turned to Killian, with a sympathetic expression. “I’m on your side, Killian, you know I am. This is just-”

“Complicated, I know.” Killian sighed.

---

“Check this out.” Emma grinned excitedly as Neal entered their flat.

With a careful motion, she placed a can of Coke on top of her round belly, keeping it balanced. She turned a bright grin towards the two men watching. Killian laughed with her unaware of Neal’s fainter laughter.

“She’s been doing that all day.” Killian teased.

Emma rolled her eyes at him, taking the can back from its resting place. “I should be allowed to have fun with this pregnancy.”

“Of course, love, amuse yourself.” 

Emma smiled delightedly, putting down the can on the counter.

“Right,” Neal interrupted. “Emma, I brought you some lunch, I thought-”

“Oh, what is it?” Emma asked, excitedly taking the container from his hand.

“Your favorite.” There was a soft smile on his lips. “Onion rings.” 

As Emma opened the container, she quickly pulled it away from her as one of her hands flew to her mouth. “God.” Her muffled groan was his only warning and Killian quickly flew in to grab the container from her hands before she turned and ran - as best she could - to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

“What happened?”

“She can’t eat onion rings anymore,” Killian explained, closing the container again with an apologetic smile towards his friend.

“B-But you love onion rings,” Neal spoke at the bathroom door.

“Not anymore!” Emma groaned out.

“I’m sorry, are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine,” Emma coughed, her voice echoing. “Just make sure they’re gone when I come out.”

“Don’t worry, Swan, I’ll get rid of them.” Killian called out, throwing the container in the fridge.

“I can’t believe this,” Neal breathes out, running a harried hand through his hair. “I made her sick.”

“You didn’t know, mate, it could happen to anyone.”

“Not to you,” Neal pointed out. “You know this stuff and you’re not even the father. I should be more involved.”

“Right.” 

They both turned to the bathroom when Emma came out, her hands holding her back. 

“Onion rings, guys, this kid took onion rings from me,” she pouted.

Neal pressed his lips together in a small smile as he rubbed Emma’s arms. “It’s not long until he’s out here and I’ll give you a lifetime’s supply of onion rings.”

Emma grinned. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Despite the ache in his chest, he knew he had to come up with something to help them. He knew that it would hurt but they would be happy in the long run. And that’s all he wanted - for Emma to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with him.

Killian cleared his throat, catching their attention. “Can I talk to you two for a second?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Emma asked with a concerned frown, even as she settled on the couch with Neal sitting at her side on the arm.

“I wanted to talk about us, the three of us.”

“Are you breaking up with us, dude?” Neal teased.

“You two should live together,” Killian said quickly, wanting to be done as fast as possible. “Because you live with me, I’m always here for the pregnancy stuff, Emma, and Neal is missing it and I know it upsets him.”

“Are you kicking me out?” Emma asked, her voice small as she looks at him with hurt in her eyes. He feels his heart breaking into a million pieces. 

“No!” Killian quickly reassures, his hands in front of him. “I love living with you but,” He takes a deep breath. “If you’re going to have a roommate, it should be your baby’s father.”

“I mean, he has a point.” Neal agrees and Emma turns to him with a surprised look.

“Neal, are you sure this is a good idea?” She frowns. “It’s always been complicated between us.” 

“I know but, he’s right, I hate missing out on all of this pregnancy stuff,” Neal sighs. “If we lived together, I could be there for you to help.”

“I don’t know…” Emma’s frown deepened as she glanced at Killian. 

He had to cross his arms over his chest so that he wouldn’t reach out to her, beg her to ignore him and stay. Stay with him forever. But he couldn’t.

“We’ll give it a try,” Neal tries, his hand laying on her round belly. “For him.”

He watched as Emma pressed her lips together, not pleased with the argument but being convinced by it. Her hand rested over Neal’s and Killian had to look away, uncomfortable at the intimate scene, aching over Emma’s departure.

Neal would be a good father, he trusted that at least. They had bonded over the disappointing father figures in their lives when they first met so he knew he wouldn’t want to make the same mistakes as his father had made. But, despite his love for his friend, he didn’t fully trust him to not screw things up - he had betrayed Emma before.

But he wanted to give them a chance. To give the baby a chance at a family without a devilishly handsome bloke taking up space where he doesn’t belong. 

“Okay,” She whispered before clearing her throat. “We’ll give it a try.”

“Great!” Neal grinned brilliantly, kissing Emma’s forehead before turning to pat Killian’s shoulder, almost too strongly. “That was a great idea, man.”

He really wished he didn’t have such great ideas.

---

Killian let the rum wash down his throat, enjoying the sting of it. 

“Hey,” David greeted as he walked into the flat, receiving a head tilt as a response. “Emma all moved out? How are you taking it?”

“I’m doing brilliantly, mate,” Killian answered, a forced smile on his face as he leaned back on the couch. “I can drink rum again, I had to stop drinking because even just the smell made her sick, but since she’s not here…” He raised his glass in a salute before downing it. “I can make all the noise I want, bring back whoever I want, I could have sex in the living room!”

“Killian-”

“I can walk around naked,” He continued, standing up from the couch, gesturing wildly with his hands. “I can have an orgy in the house, I can scream, I can dance, I can do whatever I want!” He was almost manic as he all but threw his glass onto the coffee table. “I can rest easy knowing that I reunited a happy family. Maybe they’ll invite me to the wedding too, I can even officiate!”

“Dude, are you okay?”

“I’m a fucking hero, David,” he spat out. “I know that it was wrong to love her but I do. And I let her go because it’s the right thing to do, I lost my chance. If I ever even had one…It doesn’t matter. I’m better on my own, I can go back to my whorish ways and I can stay alone in this flat forever.”

“You’re not going to be alone.” David reassured him, approaching him.

“I will never love anyone like I love her, that much is true,” Killian sighed, burying his fingers in his hair and pulling on it to try and stop his tears. “I’ll go back to how it was before and I’ll be here to watch her be happy with someone else. And that will be fine because that’s all I want… for her to be happy.” He finished in a barely audible whisper.

David’s arms wrapped around him in an instant, his hand on the back of his head in that way that made everyone feel safe and loved. Killian returned his best friend’s hug, burying his face on his shoulder as he let his tears fall.

“You did the right thing, Killian,” David whispered, tightening his hold at Killian’s tearful scoff. “I know it hurts but I’m so proud of you. You’ll be okay and you won’t be alone, not while you have me.” 

His arms wrapped tighter around David and he let the embrace tape all his broken pieces back together. He willed it to be enough.

second and final chapter posting tomorrow! hope you enjoyed!

[thieves-never-say-die]

Goddddd the speech Peter gives to Neal at the end of season 1 piSSES ME OFF!

Like, on the one hand, I love the "you said goodbye to everyone but me, why?" / "you're the only one who could change my mind"

But on the other hand, Peter spent the ENTIRE SEASON distrusting Neal and second guessing him and accusing him of every little thing imaginable! And yeah, he was right half the time, but the other half he wasn't! And it is obvious to LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE SHOW - FROM PETER TO MOZZIE TO JUNE TO EL TO ALEX TO FUCKING INTERPOL - that ALL NEAL WANTS is to be with Kate!

He broke out of prison TO BE WITH KATE

He keeps things from Peter so he can BE WITH KATE

He steals the music box and makes a deal with Fowler TO BE WITH KATE

And Peter has not done NEARLY ENOUGH to warrant pulling the shit he did in that speech! "We make a good team" YEAH WHEN PETER FUCKING TRUSTS NEAL AND THAT IS FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

I would've bought Peters plea working if he'd ever show any amount of trust in Neal, but he spends all season and ESPECIALLY all episode second guessing Neal, and accusing him of shit, and telling him to stop chasing Kate even though that's never going to happen

[tealviscaria]

Redraw - 8 year difference

I think. Could be 7. I never write down the date of my art, unfortunately.

I used to watch Rhett and Link and GMM quite a bit some 8 years-ish ago and then after some time I kinda stopped. Recently, I've started watching them again and I thought it would be really nice to see my progress.

I was really happy that I managed to find the original reference I used relatively quickly but for some reason, I could only find it in a bad quality?? So it was a little challenging to do justice to the details, especially the eyes. But still, here it is and I hope you like it :)

[july-19th-club]

nooooo not your first two reasons for staying in the city you are legally trapped in instead of absconding forever with billions of dollars worth of stolen art being the married couple who have slowly but surely absorbed you into their relationship and welcomed you into their life. a guy who has never had a place he wasn't obligated to leave feeling at first trapped by his circumstances but then coming to enjoy the idea of a permanent home and unwilling to be pressured away from it . surely no further events will transpire that might cause him to lose faith in this ideal and, feeling it necessary, strike out once again into the lonely world as a traveling thief with no port of call and no living name

[clanoffelidae]

my predictions for the ice ghost

arakie: -hits foot- OW FUCK-

lynx: this is so sad quancee play despacito

~~~

quiller: over two-thirds of the sealion people that you knew are now dead

lynx: NOT poggers :'(

~~~

arakie: time for your final exam. what is tik tok?

lynx: a song by ke$ha

arakie: you've done well. there is nothing left for me to teach you. my time has come. -disappears in a flurry of snow-

lynx: -playing a bad recorder version of 'my heart will go on'-

[buckxtommy]

nothing will ever convince me what neal caffrey and peter burke had was platonic like. that show is everything but a straight fbi procedural let me tell you

–the day peter catches neal for the second time, he remembers the suit peter was wearing almost 4 years ago, the day he arrested neal for the first time. in another episode, neal points out that peter got a new suit. this guy has either plenty of suits or a few suits that look pretty much identical. what do you mean you know his wardrobe like that?? why do you care ??? (rhetorical question. i know why. neal caffrey i know what you are)

– neal never once shuts up about peter like he is physically incapable of doing so. "he's like the superman without powers." (raising his glass) "to peter burke. the man who we want to be more like." & the whole conversation between him and scott (the young conman/robin hoodie) when neal tried to convince him to turn himself in. "this is not about me. this is about peter burke. he's the smartest man i've ever met. he caught me, he will catch you." "no one's that good." "but he is, scott."

– similarly peter being constantly amazed by neal's tricks ('guess the number' game, forging signatures etc) and the way he operates when they're on a mission. peter "couldn't have done it without neal." burke i know what you are too

– the most giddy and happiest neal has been throughout the entire series is when peter calls him partner for the first time

– remember how heartbroken neal was when peter said "you failed me"?? he cared less about being in jail/being falsely incriminated and more about what peter thought of him

– when peter confronts kate for the first time, he promises to get her what she wants (the music box) in exchange for letting neal go and not playing with his emotions anymore and then kate asks him the million-dollar question, "why would you do that?" like yeah?? why would he?? at that point neal was just a criminal he locked up twice and they barely knew each other back then. yet he says "because he's good. he's the smartest man i've ever met." after that, he asks her if she ever really loved neal like it's any of his business. i'm

– whatever the fuck this is:

– neal risks jail time & his life for peter more times than anyone can count (changing the federal judge's incriminating tape with a blank one, falsifying evidence in order to get peter out of jail etc). the conman, who has done everything in his life for money and his own personal gain, who never gets close to people because he knows he lives on borrowed time, gives up 2.5 million dollar ring to save the man he's not at all in love with. and he doesn't even try to take credit for it. whilst not gay

–peter canonically listened to neal's daily horoscope on the radio. peter. listened to. neal's daily horoscope. fellas is it gay

– the way they look at each other actually make me nauseous bc what the fuck !!!!!!!

[omegalomania]

the full apple music interview with zane lowe is out! we got snippets of it when love from the other side dropped, but they finally rolled out the full thing. here are some highlights that stood out to me :)

patrick describes pete's lyrics as what gets him out of bed in the morning. if pete doesn't send him lyrics, he doesn't write a song.

andy and pete used to draw fake snake tattoos on each other using magic markers as kids omg?

so evidently patrick was the one who got covid during hella mega tour. and he hated it and he was miserable and that's when he called neal avron about the new record lmao

patrick says that joe was hesitant at first and he was the one who said that for this record he wanted to make something that they could all savor and spend time on and patrick was immediately on board with that

pete says patrick's job is to interpret him because pete calls his mentality a "little bit off" but patrick is capable of understanding him and translating it

patrick describes his and pete's creative relationship as "twin speak." it's not linear and it's like living in his brain a little bit. he calls it the "weirdest thing i've ever seen" when pete can just Tell that some words that patrick adjusted weren't ones he wrote despite not remembering writing them. patrick says he's gotten better at connective tissue and knowing how pete would say things

pete: back in the day patrick was like, "what's the difference between cry and weep i will KILL YOU. THEY'RE THE SAME THING. I'M GONNA KILL YOU RIGHT NOW."

zane says patrick's vocals are next level for this album. pete agrees that he kills it on this album and said he never would've expected that voice coming from him when they first met. zane says patrick could sing a recipe and it would be good. he then passes patrick a recipe and patrick. sings it???

patrick: i'm not gonna belt it. (starts belting) NINE INCH PIE PLATE ROLLING PIN

patrick says that pete doesn't mean to have rhythm to his words but there's a rhythm to them all the same and patrick can find this syncopation in his words and thinks it's amazing

more talking about patrick and pete's Magical Mystical Transcendent Soul Bond. patrick says "if we were one guy, we'd be an INCREDIBLE DUDE"

patrick and pete say that interviews with all four of them are hard because it's chaos and everyone's talking at once but it all makes perfect sense to them and no one else. zane says that sounds like fun flkjdfd [i agree please do this more it's a joy]

pete says joe really stepped up and wrote a lot for this record!

patrick: "joe is kind of a conundrum because he's this really talented...he's a brilliant writer, a brilliant player, but pete and i became the "team" and it wasn't really a plan, but that's just kind of how it happened. [brief tangent about the hiatus] we come back from the thing and joe is this fully-formed writer with a very distinct - he has one of the most distinctive writing voices. when i hear his parts, when i hear his ideas, i could pick them out of a crowd. like i know the way joe writes, and it's VERY joe." part of the process with post-hiatus was integrating him into the writing process more.

discussing the hiatus and fame and pete says his life kind of "blew up" and took it pretty hard. apparently during production for folie paparazzi actually broke down the gate to neal avron's house

patrick goes on a big tangent about how bad things got during the height of pete's fame. "part of my role is to tell his story. i'm a composer. that's what i like to do. i work on movies, i work on shows, and i work on pete. pete has a story that needs music, and if he's removed from himself, if he's not even able to access himself because he's behind all of this stuff, i don't have a story! so not only did i not have my buddy, which was heartbreaking in its own way, but then i also don't have a purpose as an artist."

patrick says that andy is always ready to play but when you get him happy to play, it's another level

"and trohman, there were these moments where he...he got so excited."

patrick describes writing what a time to be alive as wanting to write the saddest, most desperate song you could hear at a wedding. pete bursts into laughter and calls it "so twisted"

talking about other endeavors outside the band - patrick talks about composing and said joe's been super busy with his book and writing for tv and because there are so many deadlines for stuff like that, it's what hammered home to him that fall out boy needs to not be that. "there's something special about this that can't be...this has to be passionate and art."

discussing how scared patrick was of his own voice while the band took off. patrick was really scared of the song saturday at first because there are some really exposed vocal moments. he describes saturday as a song where everyone in the band lets each other go for it.

zane calls fall out boy the "emo blueprint" and says they were unapologetic in being emotional. patrick immediately says, "that was pete. i don't think we could've done that without him." he and joe were basically kids and patrick was too anxious to talk on stage.

zane says, "i remember interviewing you in the early days and i felt like every time i asked you a question i was bullying you." pete IMMEDIATELY loses his shit.

"in another life where i didn't have a pete...cause saturday, i did write most of that by myself...so there's a world where that song exists without the band. there's no world where i sing it in front of people without pete."

pete says every night before they put out a new song he calls patrick up and gets really scared and wants to back out and patrick talks him down every time

they talk about how scary it was when arm's race released and performing it at the amas. patrick starts laughing rly hard as they get into how there were giant crickets on stage and the crowd was just stone-faced and utterly nonresponsive and their stage manager was utterly panicked

towards the end patrick really loosens up and starts swearing more dlkfjdfd

[mimi123meg]

White Collar is insane to me, yes I understand that I have an unhealthy obsession with late 2000s/early 2010s network television but White Collar is objectively the strangest one of the bunch to be obsessed with tbh. Like Neal Caffrey on paper is not an interesting guy and he is frankly annoying, but like Matthew Bomer was crazy for this, he is so fucking good at playing him and making him a character you want to root for. Neal Caffrey is the worst but he wants to be good so badly, he is a slave to his emotions but he tries so hard to be rational, he thinks he's the best but he is full of self-loathing, I am so normal about him (i am delusional)

[hellfirecvnt]

The Foundation of Learning

Lee Russell x Fem!Reader pt. 2

Summary: This school is unlike anywhere you've ever worked. Who's lying and who's just an idiot? You know how dreaming about a person can make you feel some type of way? That.

Read part one here. // Part three here. // Part four here. // Part five here.

Your first day was last Friday, meaning after that accidental acid trip, you had a whole weekend to decide if this is the type of environment you want to work in. Sure it's exciting, but you weren't even a whole day in before you were taking hallucinogens against your will. That's a bit more than the drama you're used to in a school.

Sunday night, you can't help but wonder about the two men you'd only just met. More so, you wonder about Lee Russell. A loud man who dresses even louder. His hair is stupid and you can't help but laugh every time his plans fumble, but you can't help but catch yourself developing a bit of a crush on this peculiar man.

You fall asleep peacefully only to find yourself in a dream about that same strange guy. Lee. He touches your cheek so softly, you're so sure you can feel it. The rest of the dream becomes a hazy fog of a childish feeling of infatuation. It lingers in your mind well after you wake up.

Monday morning, you're quick to rise, almost excited for whatever nonsense will be thrown your way this week. Last night's dream is still heavy on your mind as you enter through the front doors of North Jackson High.

"Ms. Y/L/N," Lee greets you with a bright, wide smile. You feel the heat rise in your face. You rely on your makeup to conceal that.

"Good morning, Mr. Russell," you beam, waving as you approach.

"You can call me Lee, darlin'. I'm not a fuckin' psycho," He says, referring to Neal's insistence on being referred to as Mr. Gamby during work hours. You return the favor, stepping into a first-name basis with him. It's nice. Like your first friend in your new town.

"Can I get you a coffee or anything, Lee?" You offer.

"No thank you, doll. I gotta get to-"

"Y/L/N, wake your ass up. I need you to hold any calls for me and Mr. Russell for the next," he glances at his watch. "45 minutes."

"Good morning, Mr. Gamby! No problem-" but he cuts you off.

"45 minutes, Y/L/N!" He exclaims, dragging Lee with him as they congregate outside in the woods by the train tracks.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Gamby? God damn." Lee pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Don't worry about it. I'm treating her like shit so she'll do better."

"She's been here for a day," Mr. Russell groans as they cross the empty field to get to their meeting area.

"Well, look at you, being at everybody's defense and shit for the first time in your life." Neal sneers at his cohort.

"I wish you would just shut the fuck up. For once in your life." Lee sighs, taking a seat on a large boulder. The two men bicker for a moment before breaking into brainstorming. Anything they can do to knock Dr. Brown off her throne. Eventually, and mostly to the credit of Lee's deranged mind, they hatch a plan to frame Ms. Leblanc, the meanest bitch in the school, for stealing and selling textbooks to a third party.

"I'll go plant the evidence," Gamby, stone focused on his objective, beelines for the school ahead of Lee.

"God damn... Idiot," he mumbles to himself. With Gamby occupied, he decides to stop by your desk.

"Y/N," he snatches your attention away from your duties on a dime. You quite literally drop everything when you hear his voice. You silently scold yourself for letting that dream get you bent so far out of wack.

"What can I do for you, Lee?" You wait for instruction as Russell just stares at you for a moment like he's considering something.

"Come with me to my office." He takes off down the hall. You round the desk and follow him with haste. Once you're inside Lee's office, he closes and locks the door behind you. You look at him with wide, curious eyes, trying your best to stifle back the heat on your face.

"We're going to frame Ms. Leblanc and turn her against Dr. Brown." Lee's words fill you with immense disappointment. Of course that's what this was about. You're embarrassed by how excited you allowed yourself to become, even if he's none the wiser. You furrow your brows and cross your arms.

"And how are we going to accomplish that one?" You ask, disgruntled. Lee gazes at you with a big smile, excited to hear you include yourself in his plan.

"Take a look at this." He grins, sliding an altered invoice across the table. In this convincing looking writing it says Leblanc signed for 600 books and no more than 60 have been accounted for within the school. "That bitch is fucked."

"Oh, wow. Is Ms. Leblanc a super bitch or something?"

"She's the super bitch, Y/N. And she is going to destroy Belinda for us. All Gamby and I have to do is sit back and watch." Lee revels in what he believes to be a foolproof plot. As if summoned by the sound of his own name, Neal appears. He steps through the door without knocking and looks at you quizzically when he realizes that Lee has just blown up their spot to you.

"What's going on in here?" Neal asks, hesitant to trust this new employee.

"Relax, Gamby. I'm just catching Y/N up on the details," Lee grins, pleased with himself

"Isn't this above Y/N's pay grade?" The mustached man does very little to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"Well, I'm trying to work her into the inner circle." Lee makes a circular gesture with his hands.

"Yeah, Gamby," you chime in, happy to be included in something that isn't reorganizing the incredibly fucked up records someone shoved into a box of papers before they switched to computers years ago.

"You can't just bring strangers into our plans just because she's an attractive person or what the fuck ever!" Gamby attempts to whisper, but it's just quiet yelling.

"Y/N, can we trust you, sweetheart?" Lee asks with big, shining eyes, grinning at you as he awaits your reply. And that name, "sweetheart." My God, you nearly melt on the spot. What's come over you?

"Of course you can. I only have time to talk to you two. Who am I going to conspire with?" You toss a hand up in confusion.

"Alright, but if I see you talking to any of the teachers after this, you will be fired on the spot." Neal wags a finger in your face.

"Fucking Christ, Gamby. Lighten up. You ain't firing anybody. Get your ass to the library." Lee snaps his fingers and points at the door.

"Am I really not allowed to talk to the teachers now?" You ask, a little confused.

"Don't listen to him, darlin'," Lee sweet-talks you, taking the falsified invoice in his hands.

"No. No, you do listen to me. I am your boss. If I see you talking to anyone besides me and Mr. Russell I will banish you from this campus." The pretentious vice principal stands firm in his decision.

"Okay, sir. I won't talk to the teachers," you sigh.

"Or the janitors and counselors," he adds and you nod. "No Para-pros either."

"Gamby come the fuck on!" Lee whines, rushing this interaction along so he can put his plan into action. The two men exit and Neal makes an "I'm watching you" gesture through the large, glass wall before disappearing around a corner.

You return to your desk and take a few phone calls, certain that Gamby's insane rule can't possibly include parents. After a while, a lady comes to introduce herself to you.

"Hey! Finally got over here during a planning period," she laughs. "I'm Amanda." She extends a hand for you to shake.

"Hi-" you stop in your tracks as you make eye contact with Neal way, way down the hall. He slowly shakes his head back and forth. You roll your eyes and return your attention to the woman in front of you. You begin to spell out a word in the ASL alphabet, hoping Amanda has even as little understanding of sign language as you have. You sign "Email" and she squints at your hands.

"Oh, I don't... Are you deaf? I swear I just saw you answer a phone..." She tilts her head. You sigh with frustration and begin typing out an email on your computer. Confused and feeling awkward, Amanda slowly walks away from the entire situation. You're quick to write her an email about Gamby's strange training practices, careful not to uncover their scheme.

You shake your head, hoping she sees the message soon so you're not blacklisted from making any friends besides these two maniacs in this new town.

"Hello, North Jackson High School," you answer the phone with a darling customer service voice.

"Oh, you're fake as hell, Y/N. That ain't what you sound like at all," Lee laughs through the phone.

"Hello, Mr. Russell-"

"Lee."

"Hello, Lee. How's the plotting?" You mindlessly twirl the telephone cord around your finger as you listen to him talk.

"I need you and Gamby's help tonight. We'll need a school bus."

"A school bus?" You ask, unable to fathom what you'd need a bus for.

"For the books, sweetheart. Stay focused," he scolds.

"My bad."

"I'll see you tonight," he says, hanging up right after. You could hear Neal calling his name in the background, otherwise you'd take that fast goodbye as an insult.

You attain the keys to a bus sitting out in the bus lanes. It was left to be cleaned after a kid pierced his own ear and bled everywhere on a field trip.

"Try not to touch any of the seats near the front. It's... Not good." You warn as you toss the keys to Gamby. "I'm not fucking driving."

You and Lee ride in his car, driving ahead of Gamby to the location to store the "stolen" books. Mr. Russell guides Gamby as he backs the bus up and you help the two men unload the boxes of extremely heavy textbooks.

"Holy shit, we fucking did it, Gamby!" Lee grins, self satisfied and hungry for confrontation. "And you too, darlin'. Thank you." He's quick to add.

"Nicely done, Mr- Oh, uh, Lee." You smile, hoping your newfound nervousness isn't too obvious. And to him, it isn't, only because he's distracted by his own infatuation with you.

The next day, shit hits the fan. Lee calls the front desk again and you answer.

"Hello, North Jackson High," you speak warmly.

"We're about to head straight to Leblanc's class right now!" You can hear his devious smile in his voice. "Brown is so fucked if she really tries to go against that stone cold bitch."

"Hey, do you think I'm allowed to talk to teachers now? Aman-" just as you're about to finish your sentence, Gamby swipes the phone from you and slaps it onto the receiver.

"No. And especially not Ms. Snodgrass."

"Why not? She's so nice and I don't know anybody in town besides you and Lee and I doubt you two are gonna want to go to bars and get drunk off fruity bullshit on Fridays." Your monologue leaves Neal pondering. He doesn't get invited to payday drinks, this is new for him.

"No. You'll let something slip. Snodgrass is wholesome. Too wholesome to get wrapped up in the shit we do," Gamby explains.

"Well then why the hell was I wrapped?" You raise a brow, questioning what he's insinuating.

"I don't know! I never would've done something so stupid and reckless like that." The broad man shrugs. "Russell has a thing for you or something."

"A 'thing for me?'" you repeat.

"Yeah. He thinks that you're an attractive person. And I guess he's not wrong, but... You're no Amanda Snodgrass." Neal shrugs as if delivering bad news he can't hold back.

"You're so right," you nod. "So when can I talk to her? I want friends."

"When I'm Principal." Mr. Gamby disappears to join Mr. Russell and Dr. Brown in pursuit of the books and you're left alone with Gamby's words. A thing for you. How delightful to know your little crush isn't as one sided as you thought.

"Ms. Y/L/N, could you come with me? I need you to take notes," Dr. Brown's eyes are narrow. It's clear she's on a mission when she makes the quick stop by your desk on her way to Leblanc's class.

"Yes, ma'am." You scoop up the board and a pen and follow her on quick feet. Just as she rounds the corner, you see Lee. You knew he was with her, and he smiles when he sees you.

"Mr. Russell," you smile, greeting him in a professional manner in front of the woman that holds reign over both yours and Lee's job. You follow the principal and vice principal down the hall and slowly you come up to a classroom with an involved teacher. She seems well educated and passionate about her teaching. Ironically, today's subject is about protecting your reputation with your life...

As you linger in the hall taking quick notes of the passive aggressive exchange, you see Ms. Snodgrass walking by. After a quick glance around, you're certain there's no Gamby.

"Hey! Ms. Snodgrass. Sorry about yesterday. Mr. Gamby has me on like... A vow of silence? I think I'm being hazed."

"Oh! That makes so much sense. I thought you were just kinda weird," she laughs, clearly relieved of the awkwardness.

"I emailed you about it," you chuckle, also relieved.

"Oh, I must've missed it-" Amanda's sentence is cut short as Belinda and Lee take off down the hall after the climax of the conversation. You wave a quick goodbye to Snodgrass and bolt after them.

Belinda is ranting and raving down the hall, all the while Lee cheers her on. He antagonizes every single time she seems to be calming down. It's eerie to watch the way he plays with her mind. You hope you'd be able to tell if he ever tried this sort of brain sorcery on you.

"I can't believe that bitch," Dr. Brown shakes her head, clearly fired up as she stomps into her office. Gamby follows her and closes the door behind him, keeping her on track and gathering information for later. Lee, laughing carelessly, leans against your desk as you take a seat. All you can think about is Neal's confession of Lee's feelings. Even if it was just a "thing." Whatever that means.

"Lee," you nervously call for his attention. "Do you want to get a drink tonight?" You're unsure where the nerve came from, asking your boss out, but it's not like he adheres to the rules very much anyways.

At first, he seems surprised. Caught off guard, mostly. He blinks a few times, knitting his brows for just a second as he calculates how to respond. Of course he's not worried about the rules, even if he plans on becoming Principal, the only thing he can focus on right now is you. His mouth hangs slightly agape as he carefully and regretfully makes his next statement.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Y/L/N. Maybe another time. I've got some stuff to handle real early tomorrow. I'll be a little late getting in, actually." He fidgets with his ringless ring finger, unable to keep meeting your gaze.

"Of course, sir. It's hard making friends here. You guys are... Different." You smile at Lee as best you can and turn your attention to the computer screen where you slowly and pointlessly sift through each individual piece of spam. Lee lingers for a moment, chewing on his lip in thought. After a short while, he's off to find Gamby and Brown to ensure she's still wrongfully fired up.

Immediately in your solitude your mind runs amok with rejection sensitive anxieties. You're heinously embarrassed, and the redness on your face only darkens when you replay it all in your head over and over.

"Jesus fucking Christ, why did I fucking do that? Who do I think I am? Where the hell do I get off?" You mumble to yourself, trying so hard to regulate past this visceral reaction. You begin to wonder if you've over valued yourself to this little team just because of your interest in Lee.

"What's wrong? Why are you doing that?" Gamby gestures vaguely to your whole being with his hand.

"Fuck, Mr. Gamby. You scared the shit out of me." You gasp, a hand placed on your chest in fear.

"You should be more aware of your surroundings and you won't get caught off guard."

"Hey, tomorrow's teacher work day, right? Do I need to come in?" You ask, hoping for a no so you can drink away the humiliation.

"At any other pussy ass school, maybe. But I need all hands on deck. You're coming in." Neal points at you with integrity and you groan to yourself.

"Are you sure? I'm going to drink the same amount regardless tonight. I might not be very useful tomorrow." You shrug, hoping the trust you've built allows for this sort of candid behavior.

"Something wrong?" He asks.

"You said Lee had a 'thing' for me, so I asked him to get a drink with me and he turned me down," you laugh, slowly accepting the embarrassment.

"Huh, well. That's just Lee, I guess. He's never made a lot of sense to me. All those fuckin' outfits." Neal shakes his head. "Guess he's not into you anymore."

"Oh, word," you say, swallowing the bluntness of his words. "Window closed, got it." You give a small salute gesture and turn back to your computer. "I'll be here tomorrow, Mr. Gamby."

"Well, yeah. I just said you would. I just told you that. I am your boss and you'll be here tomorrow." He nods and emotes as if he's repeating obvious information like 'the sky is blue.'

"Dude." You pinch the bridge of your nose.

•••

Taglist: @its-in-the-woods // @blackwoodtree (you didn't ask to be tagged, but you did ask for a part 2 ❤️)

[luvstarss]

Family Dinner

ReaderxJJ

Warnings:None!Fluff :)

This one is a long one so buckle up!

"I'm really not sure about this" JJ says turning to me with a worried look on his face "Jay there gonna love you" I reassure him as I quickly take my eyes off the road and look over to see him biting his lips which is something he did when he was nervous. "I promise," I say as I use one hand to hold his."I don't know," he says nervously

"If u need to leave we can but we have to go in at least okay?" I say with a reassuring smile "Mhm" he mumbles in response.My parents were having a family dinner, so they invited JJ as they wanted to meet him, and he was nervous. really nervous.We pull up at my house in the Twinkie that John B had lent us for the night. "home sweet home" I say as we both jump out of the van and walk up to the front porch

"JJ relax it’s gonna be fine I promise baby"I say softly as I give him a soft kiss. he nods as I open the front door "Mom I'm here!" I shout as my little sister comes running up to me "Lia!" I shout as I pick her up and hug her tightly "Hi!" she squeals wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her face in my neck.

"Lia I want you to meet JJ"I say with a smile as she lifts her face up and looks at the boy next to me "Oooo" she says and starts making kissy noises. Me and JJ both let out a laugh as I put her down and she goes running off. "Dad!" I shout him into the living room as we go and sit down on my couch. I slowly grab JJ's hand as my dad walks into the living room. I feel him tense up "You must be JJ!" my dad says with a smile as JJ stands up and shakes my dad's hand "You hungry?" my dad asks as he sits on the couch opposite us.

"Yeah starving" jj says with an awkward laugh as he sits back down next to me. "Well good to meet u JJ I'm gonna go help in the kitchen," he says with a smile as he goes back into the kitchen "See it's fine," I say reassuringly as I rub circles on jj back "Yeah your dad seems nice" JJ replies with a smile. Before I can reply Lia comes running in with her crayons and paper "What you drawing Lee?" I ask "Me and JJ," She says bluntly "Oh you are now are you?" I say as I look at JJ with a smile and then back at her.

"Yep," she says as she starts scribbling on the paper with different colours. "I think she might like you," I say to JJ with a laugh "Just a bit," he says returning a toothy smile " I really appreciate you coming," I say softly "Of course," he says in the same soft tone as I give him a small kiss on the lips "Ew!" my sister shouts as she stands up with the paper in her hand and hands it to JJ

"Why thank you," he says as he looks on the paper to see a scribble of her and JJ with hearts around the page. Lia lets out a giggle and runs into the other room "Wow cam I think you have some competition" JJ jokes "Yeah yeah" I laugh My mom walks into the living room "Sorry about not coming in sooner!”Hi I’m her mom Melanie" she says as JJ stands up to greet her but my mom just pulls him into a hug. After a few seconds, they both pull away with a smile.

"Thank you for the invite by the way it means the world"JJ says as my mom sits down in the same spot my dad sat previously and JJ sat back down next to me. "It's my pleasure I've never seen Canm so happy," she says with a serious look "Mom stop ur embarrassing me" I reply as my face goes red.

"Well I think Lia likes me even more than your daughter does," jj says to my mom with a laugh as he passes her the drawing. My mom looks down at It and laughs "God she isn't half a hand full" my mom says shaking her head. "Dinners almost ready if u guys don't mind would u guys set the table?" my mom asks her eyes flickering between me and JJ "Yeah of course" he replies. I let out a groan as he pulls me off the couch and into the kitchen. We both start making the table as my sister sprints into the kitchen

"JJ JJ!" she shouts whilst pulling on JJ's arm "What's up Lee?" he asks softly as he neals down to talk to her. my heart immediately melts. "Can u come and help me draw please please pleaseeee" she begs whilst still pulling on his arm "Go on its fine ill finish setting the table"I say with a smile as he gets dragged back into the living room by Lia "Sooo" my mom begins "Sooo" I repeat with a grin "he's a cute one" my mom says returning the grin "yeahhhhh" I reply.

I finish setting the table and look into the living room. I see j sitting cross-legged on the floor helping my sister draw a picture.

At that moment I knew.

My mom comes up behind me and rests her chin on my shoulder "You love him don't you" she says "I think I do" I say softly "Hes a good one keep him close" my mom replies with a smile " Thats if Lia doesn't steal him from you" she adds with a giggle "mhm" I laugh "Alright well go get him and your sister dinners ready" she says giving me a kiss on the cheek as she goes back to putting food on the table. "I see you guys are having fun," I say walking over to them.

"Can close ur eyes!" my sister says "Quick cover them!" she adds as ij puts his hands over my eyes. "Hello to you guys too," I say confused. "Wait here!" my sister shouts as I hear her run off and come back. She gives JJ the okay to let me open my eyes "Well I don't know what u guys are plotting but dinners ready" I say as I help jj up and we walk into the kitchen "Smells amazing Melanie!" JJ says as we all sit down at the table

"Thankyou JJ but please call me mel" She laughs We all begin eating "So how did u and JJ meet?" my dad asks as he puts another mouthful of food in his mouth.

"Well you know how I work at the surf shop? well, jj is really good at surfing so he would buy supplies at the shop then you know we started hanging out" I say with an obvious smile painted on my face as I turn to him as I see the same grin on his face.

"Aww JJ do u work?" my mom asks "Not fully at the moment but I help Cam at the surf shop a lot and I fix cars here and there" he replies as he has a mouthful of his food. JJ places his hand on my thigh as my sister begins "JJ can we show Cam our drawing after dinner?" she says across the table "Yeah of course" he replies with a smile "You guys made me a drawing?" I ask

"Yep we did," jj says with a nod as he turns me witha grin "Your sister is quite the little artist" he adds "Mhm" Lia agrees with a proud nod. We finish off our food and we all go and sit in the living room. Obviously, JJ sits next to me and My mom and dad sit on the couch opposite us whilst my sister runs off and comes back with a piece of paper.

She looks at JJ for a second "Go on give it to her Lee" and with that Lia comes up to us and hands me the paper “why Thankyou”I say as I look down at it to see a picture of her me and jj all holding hands "awww I love it lee" I say in awe as I pick her up and hug her tightly.

After a moment she pulls away and just sits on my lap facing me "I wanna see the drawing!" my mom says as JJ hands her and my dad the paper. They both let out a laugh and give the paper back to JJ "Me and Lee make quite the team don't we" JJ smiles as he gives Lia a high five.

"Im starting to think you like Lia more than me," I say jokingly with a smile as I put her down "Well I meannnn" JJ jokes as I slap him on the shoulder lightly "You're a good man JJ your old man raised you right," my dad says. my heart drops. jj stiffens in his seat. I grab his hand and rub my thumb against it.JJ just smiles awkwardly and shuffles in his seat.

"Well me and JJ better get going we're meeting our friends later," I say with a smile at my parents as we both stand up. "Of course, it's been lovely meeting you JJ," My mom says hugging him once again "Good meeting you too," he says with a smile "You're a good lad JJ," my dad says shaking his hand "Bye JJ!" Lia shouts running up to him as he bends down and hugs her “Bye Lee!”JJ says to the little girl as he stands back up.

"Youll have to babysit her one day with JJ" my mother says to me with a grin "I think she might like that" I say with a laugh "Alright love you guys ill see you guys later," I say as I open the door and go to leave "Love u guys thank you for dinner!" JJ shouts with a smirk. We both laugh as I jump in the passenger seat and jj drives "Well they really like you," I say with a giggle. “

Im glad I was so nervous" he responds with an awkward laugh "I knew they'd love you," I say with a smile "Your sister certainly does," he says turning to me with a smile on his face. "You know I'd love to babysit ur sister sometime you know? like your mom said" JJ says climbing into bed as I join him putting my head on his bare chest as he plays with my hair "Id like that.My heart literally melted when I saw you helping her draw" I say looking up at him

"Really?" he says showing that mesmerising toothy smile "I love ur smile you know" I say out of the blue as I look at him in awe "you do?" he questions his face scrunching up"I really do" I say with a serious look on my face "well I happen to like your smile as well" he says pulling me up and kissing me.

I let out a giggle as I prop my chin on his chest and continue to look up at him "You know me and my mom were talking about you "I say "You were? Oh no what did I do wrong?" he says a worried look painted on his face "No, it's good I promise. I was watching you and Lia play and i realised" i pause for a minute

"i love you JJ" i say my breath heavy it's not like we weren't serious of anything but this is the first time i'd ever said i love you. "I love you too baby" JJ replies as he kisses my forehead.

[buttercreamdicks]

I guess if I am going to gather my thoughts about Link and the Eagle, I first have to gather my thoughts about Link and gender and expression. I have been through a lot of fandoms, I have been through a lot of ships, and I have always been against the oft-pervading logic that "This man is gay because [insert stereotypes of gay men performing femininized behaviors or underperforming masculinized behaviors]." One of the reasons I interpret my feelings on Link and gender as #my lesbian queen link neal is -- well, okay, because it's nonsensical and funny, but also because I specifically do not really want to fanon that he is gay because he wears a purse or whatever. One of the other reasons I interpret my feelings on Link and gender as a joke about being a queer female is because when Link says he is an unserious man I feel that unseriousness in manhood as hewing close to my own experience as a queer female; I recognize a lot of my own self or at least my own self's willingness to be "weird" (i.e., plainly honest) about gender and sexuality and affection in the idiosyncratic ways he expresses these things as well.

The main thing that hooked me into Rhett & Link was finding out that they grew up in the Southern conservative Evangelical culture in the '90s. Something that I think about a lot is how Rhett has talked about how Link was the weird kid, how people found him annoying, how he stayed at home and played with his wrestling dolls, how the moment they really became best friends was when Rhett punched that kid for making fun of Link. How in high school everyone thought they were gay. Rhett spent almost all his time with Link anyway. How even now Rhett talks about having to protect Link from himself, from embarrassing himself. And how Link talks about himself as someone who commits faux pas, and about liking that he has a safety net in Rhett, someone who will watch out for him.

Like the thing about Rhett is he performs the masculinity they grew up with well, and apparently always has: good grades, good athlete, just enough unexamined toxicity to his masculinity that he often doesn't pass my vibe check. I didn't grow up in the South or in Christianity but I grew up in the late '90s and I was steeped in enough of same culture of gender that I can recognize the mannerisms that Link has even today that would have been labeled as "weird," and the names he might have been called: sissy, mama's boy, fag. Rhett could have gone through life without ever encountering that, but he didn't. He chose to stick with Link, and he chose specifically to stick with a conception of himself as protecting Link.

And the thing with Link is he continued to be the way he was. He kept enough of those same mannerisms and ways of expressing himself that even now, as a grown man, he is the one a fandom will say is gay, is the twink, is the bottom. Whether he explicitly chose not to change, or is just one of those people who is incapable of not being exactly himself, I don't know. Probably both? Most of us who are queer (in the sense of sexuality or in the sense of being seen as strange) are both.

I also think sometimes of what Link's conception of himself would be if he weren't surrounded by people who have known him forever, or people who know someone who’s known him forever. If everybody's first impression of him wasn't mediated by a bunch of people who carry around his old teenage self crystallized in amber, who grew up in the same culture that thought he was weird, who still spend their time thinking they need to run interference for the way he talks and acts and feels. Because another thing that hooked me into Rhett & Link was how nearly every person in every piece of media they produce says "This guy is weird and awkward and makes people feel bad" when everything I took from watching him was This guy is honest and open and makes me feel good. Like if you just met him, on your own, would you even think anything was strange? If it was just him, without his past, would anybody think he wasn't enough?

[yellosnacc]

What about uniima/Fueem’s religion causes them to see Neal as a sloman?

This ask is probably a reaction to this post where I share some of Fueems thoughts if anyone wants to read it.

Here's a post about small aspect of the wider ueemic religion here.

But shrimply! Fueem's regional variant of this faith is pretty close to the one considered the "base" ueemic type. They are a follower of the heads and their rules and are knowledgeable in the ways of soul right.

In more recent years (like 30) the Eye has declared a soul right for every alien (any sophont found in the world so far) with some distinct rules for each but still similar to how uniima souls work.

Because this addition to the base religion is pretty recent, there are many versions of how this works for different people-species but nothing is fully agreed on. There's also the problem of most uniima never seeing a live sloman or knowing their biology/reproduction. So lot of the existing interpretations are based on accounts of a few ueema. Now if those guys weren't good drawers, someone else had to visually interpret their interpretation and welp. The farther from the Heads (the religion central) the weirder looking and weirder working other aliens are in art and literature.

So a recap. When a uniima dies (according to ueema belief) they release a soul. This soul in some way (depending on subculture etc.) gets attached to a person who was close to the dead person. At a point, the soul will jump to a baby at the right point in its development. This baby can be the new child of the soul wearer or just close to them. Usually, the wearer has to meet the "body" at least once. There are a lot more rules and stuff but this is long enough!

So anyway, this is probably what Fueem imagines happened to Neal spiritually.

Making Neal have the soul of once-sloman and thus being one too.

[orchidyoonkook]

To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 1

Title: Assembly’s and Introductions 

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Mild Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: There’s a new kid at your prestigious university, he’s tall, tattooed and muscular, and oh yeah, he’s the Prince. 

Warnings: PG13, mild swearing, a general ‘lets get the ball rolling’ first chapter

Word Count: 5410

Release Date: January 26, 2023, 12:40PM

A/N 1: I’ve been working on this since September 2022, got 80K in, and have accidentally taken an extended break from Dec 1st until now. I need a kick in the pants to continue writing it so here’s the first chapter. I hope you enjoy as I have read this about 400 times and I’m sick of editing it.

A/N 1.5: it’s pronounced ‘Nehl” not “Neal”

“Come on, come ooooon!!” Yuri says as she drags you by one arm down the corridor, the other filled with books and study notes. You’re being dragged from your mid morning study session and she's starting to stretch your favourite sweater from how hard she’s pulling.

Slipping from her grasp to save it from any permanent damage, Yuri uses her new freedom to take the lead.

“Not everyone cares as much about this as you do,” you say, rolling your eyes. “I get you’re here because your parents put you here but I worked for it. I can’t just abandon my study plans for some guy,” voice echoing in the corridor as you succeed in keeping up with her quick pace.

Yuri mocks your words in gibberish, matching your tone, just more nasally.

She’s heard this hundreds of times since becoming your best friend in first year after being assigned your roommate. She may force you to go to places and parties you don’t find nearly as important as she does, but you also know she’s the only reason you’ve had any fun since starting university.

That doesn’t deter you though.

“I’m serious,” you insist, refusing to back down.

A look you know well flashes over her face. One that’s a mixture of absurdity and exhaustion— specifically at you.

“You know, sometimes I can’t even believe we’re friends. He’s not just some guy YN,” she looks over her shoulder to make eye contact. “He's the prince.”

Ah yes, the prince.

How could you be so foolish?

The fancy name given to the poor bastard who doesn’t get to decide his future—or work for it for that matter. Just has it handed to him because he was born at the right place, right time.

The prince who’ll be king to the biggest nation in the west one day.

The prince everyone freaks out over.

Sure, he’s cute enough, and will eventually have lots of money and power, because those are so important for someone like him.

But what’s money and power if you’re miserable or an asshole or you don’t know what to do with it? What’s money and power for someone who’s never known poverty and helplessness?

The title of Prince means nothing if you don’t earn it. Means nothing if you don’t know how to use it properly.

Who knows if this one does? So why should you particularly care?

Unfortunately, most people can’t get past the ‘young, handsome, future king of the Western Shores, hunk-a-hunk of dreamy’—blah, blah, blah, the media splatters over every magazine cover they possibly can, earning the prince a hefty social following of adoring, screaming—slightly brain dead if you had any say about it— ‘followers’ aka fans.

And Yuri, like every other girl on campus, is one of them. Minus the brain dead and screaming.

Well…Sort of minus the screaming.

She has screamed, in the past at least. So maybe just minus the brain dead part…

Anyways, she’s grabbing your wrist and you sigh, wringing yourself free of her near iron grip, again. But you can’t blame her.

Yuri’s focused on one thing, and one thing only.

And it’s beginning in 15 minutes.

“Plus I want good seats!”

You scoff.

“He’s just a person, Yuri. I get he’s got an important title and fancy job, but that’s all that separates him from us.”

She glares at you as you reach the courtyard of your school.

Trees surround the perimeter in evenly placed lines, a large running fountain at its center. There’s plenty of open grass space the students use to study, picnic or throw a ball around on. And its cobblestone walkways are currently covered in rows upon rows of filled up seats.

Most of those filled seats are in the middle though, which surprises you. You would’ve thought girls would be lining up at the front row to see their prince.

“Yeah, just the title and fancy job,” Yuri says, taking her turn to scoff and opens her hand to count on her fingers. “Let's not count the fact that he’s insanely hot—have you seen his body? His face? Or what of the land he’ll inherit on top of the land he already owns? And money! Can’t forget that. Or clothes. Not enough? I can keep going,” she switches to her other hand. “How about control over the largest kingdom in The West? They don't call him ‘Prince of the Western Shores’ for nothing, Sweets. Also the mass of adoring fans, security and advisors following his every move, nice cars, fancy vacation houses…should I keep going?”

You’re pretty sure she only stopped because she ran out of fingers and you don’t deign her with a reply. Yuri seems content to have made her point and she did. 

But you’d never admit that to her. Instead you keep walking, taking in the sights around you.

Your school is The Royal Academy of Business and Fine Arts. Anyone can study here if they have the cash, or the brains, though one method is much more abused than the other.

It’s one of the most prestigious schools in the world because it’s where nearly every royal on this half of the continent goes to university. Hence the “Royal'' in the title.

Ladys, lords, dukes, duchesses, princesses and yes, princes all go here—are most of your classmates, actually. But there is only one prince everyone cares about. The one who, in the next few short years, will not only be at your school for whatever it is his father deems appropriate for him to study in his post secondary education, but the one who is also first in line and heir to the biggest kingdom in The West—if it hadn’t been mentioned before.

His Royal Highness, Prince Jeon Jungkook.

Okay… look.

It’s not that you don’t like him, he hasn’t done anything to make you hate him, and you’re sure he’s a decent guy once you get to know him.

It’s just that you don’t really feel any type of way about him, positive or negative. And that confuses so many people around you.

Which in turn, confuses you.

Most people seem to think he’s some sort of god sent angel carved by the hands of whoever created the universe. Fawning over him and thinking he can do no wrong. But what they all fail to see is that he’s just like them.

Got a bit more of a leg up on life than most, sure, but still human. Like you, or Yuri.

He eats and showers and uses the bathroom. He gets a runny nose and puffy eyes when he’s sick. He has bad hair days and ties his own shoes… you think.

He’s just a regular guy with an irregular job. So no, you had no opinion on him other than disinterested neutrality.

But if you had to feel something? You guess you probably felt pity.

You worked your ass off in highschool to get where you are. You and your mom screamed until your voices were hoarse when you got your acceptance letter two and a half years ago. One of 25 scholarship students accepted on a full ride every year.

You were doing a major in fine arts and a minor business, wanting to milk your education for all it’s worth on their dime. Lucking out that your two areas of interest were not only at one school, but at one of the best schools in the world for both subjects.

You chose what you wanted for your life and you worked for it for years. And now you sit comfortably at the top of your class in both fine arts and business, not taking your opportunity for granted for a second.

Jungkook though? He’s expected to go here. Doesn’t have much of a choice about it, and he doesn’t have to work for it either.

A small part of you that has yet to mature envies him for how easy he has it, for the privileges he is given simply because of one six letter word in front of his name. That he didn’t have to put in 60 hour weeks and give up his teenage years just to prove he was good enough to be here.

He was born good enough.

But that’s a small part of you, and you can ignore it if you try hard enough.

The point is you felt pity because he’s probably never had to work for something a day in his life. He doesn’t know the satisfaction of working towards something, to not only succeed, but to be the best.

To earn what he has.

He won’t know what to do when real life hits him.

Yuri lets a baby scream loose as she spots her desired seats and yanks you out of your thought spiral. 

The front of the courtyard is still relatively empty, middle still filling up faster than anything else.

“Yes! Score! First row, left side, that’s perfect! He'll definitely see us.”

She grabs your arm a third time and it’s an effort not to drop your books and groan at her.

Yuri’s like you in the sense where she is not royalty, but unlike you she—or should you say, her parents—are loaded.

Family business perks.

She’s here because she can be, because her family can afford to send her and make donations, not because she wants to be or because she worked for it.

But don’t misunderstand that, Yuri works hard. She just happens to party more than she studies most days. That and plan her future with a very rich and handsome guy who has yet to be determined.

You’d jokingly deemed her a royalty hunter after about an hour of meeting her for how badly she wanted to ‘marry up.’

“See you,” you correct, or has she forgotten about Nel, your boyfriend of 5 years? Your high school sweetheart and who is currently, much to your dismay, at school about 5000 miles away.

“I’m sure Cornelius wouldn’t be mad if the prince charms his girl just once, seeing as his royal highness can do that to most people just by breathing near them,” she quips. ”And even if he would get mad, Jungkook can just have him thrown in a dungeon for being overprotective and jealous.”

“The royal palace doesn’t have dungeons, but they do have a series of interrogation rooms on the third lower level,” you inform her. You did a project on the history and architecture of the royal palace in tenth grade—and Nel really wouldn’t care, he knows where he stands, just like you do.

“How do you just know that!”

Yuri didn’t know you in highschool and you used that to your advantage every single time you could, laughing bright and loud.

She starts dragging you down the walkway again, a habit of hers. Like she’s worried you’ll try to slip away if she isn’t forcing you where she wants you to be.

It’s a good instinct on her part.

You're nearly there, so you focus more on the trees just starting to turn colours overhead, casting slightly pigmented shadows on the ground. Fall is just starting to creep up on the heels of summer, the days of sunscreen and chlorine slowly being replaced by pumpkin spice and crisp apples.

She sits exactly where she wanted too, and you plop beside her, glad you’re wearing a light sweater and tights. They are just warm enough to keep the slight breeze from giving you chills, but also keep your legs from sticking to the plastic seats.

For such an expensive school to go to you’d think they’d have better assembly furniture.

You notice a news camera off in the distance and suddenly understand the empty front seats. No one wants to publicly embarrass themselves on national television from seeing the prince, rewindable and replayable, forever seared into the internet.

It’s times like these you’re happy you’ve never been one to get starstruck. They’re all just people, why be shocked or surprised when they exist near you?

Opening up your books on your lap, you figure you can kill the next ten minutes in a productive way, considering what happened to your original plans for the mid morning.

And as you do, you feel the seats around you begin to fill, not a single one empty by the time the event starts.  Not even the ones up front.

A jerked movement catches your eyes and you see that two seats closer to the pedestal from Yuri is Adaline.

Great.

Adaline Dupree is basically a princess from the Eastern Shores. ‘Basically’ because she’s not, but she certainly acts like she is. A fake princess, an even bigger royalty hunter than your best friend and your not so secret arch nemesis.

She’s in your fine arts classes—all of them, unfortunately—her proper title being ‘Duchess of…’ some province you never bothered to learn the name of, and she’s one of the most well known people on campus.

Tall, with beautiful blonde hair, hazel eyes, freckles, a slim figure and quite the socialite. You’re surprised she went into fine arts and not modeling. She’s got the ego part of the job down pat.

Good for her for being pretty. But anyone could be beautiful on the outside with enough money and a surgeon. That’s not why you considered her your nemesis, you don’t give a shit about any of that.

She was your nemesis in the academic world. Because not only was she beautiful, she was also brilliant at her craft.

Which happened to also be your craft, and it pissed you off to no end.

Where you were first, she was second and where she was first, you were second. Always neck in neck with one another, always trying to one up each other.

You only considered yourself better than her because unlike her, you hoped at least, Adaline was a complete and total bitch. She took what she wanted without remorse and she wasn’t above sabotage to get it.

You learned that the hard way in your first year. And you’ve always wondered if that was her privileged upbringing speaking or if she’s just like that naturally, so unused to not getting what she wanted that she’d take it.

Therefore, it is of absolutely no shock to you that she’s sitting as close as she possibly can to where the prince will be standing. Directly in front of the pedestal at the base of the fountain in the center of the courtyard.

A door opens to your right followed by a couple screams, and you can only assume the man of the hour has arrived. A red camera light flicks on in your peripheral vision and you take that as your confirmation and cue to close your books.

The Dean of Schools, a few advisor looking people, a good handful of terrifyingly large security guards, and a head of black hair you conclude to be the prince all make their way towards their destination.

A smirk graces your face at all the girls batting eyelashes or screaming his name, as if that would get his attention. You’re about to mention that exact thought to Yuri, but you notice her eyelashes looking awfully similar to those around you and can’t help failing to stifle a laugh.

She catches it. “What?”

“Nothing,” you say. “You might just want to pick your jaw up off the ground.”

Her response gets cut off when a voice comes over the speakers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for such a warm welcome,” says the Dean, calm and assured. She knew exactly the welcome they'd receive. “I’ll keep my introduction short. Today, I present to you not only the newest addition to The Royal Academy of Business and Fine Arts, but the future King of our great nation. He has requested to formally address the student body before he starts classes this fall semester, so without further adieu: His Royal Highness, Prince Jeon Jungkook.”

Riigghht. Did you mention he was the prince of the country you’re living in?

Well…he is.

The crowd soars in volume once more, a couple “I love you’s” thrown in for good measure as the prince steps up and you zone out.

From your angle, you can see his whole body from the side, and that even though he’s holding cue cards, he doesn’t use them, placing them face down on the pedestal.

His dark hair is swept back in a suave styling and he’s wearing a simple navy long sleeve button up, black dress pants and matching leather shoes.

The outfit makes him look ever so princely and very much not like a student. More like one of the faculty.

However, what you don’t expect are the small patches of ink on his arm peeking out of his right sleeve. Or just how tight the clothes he wears are on his apparently very muscular form.

You remember Yuri’s words from earlier, only now registering. You knew he had muscles, no one ever shut up about them. But seeing them in person… wow.

You kind of want to sketch him—for anatomy practice, of course.

The prince begins his address to the crowd and an eerie silence replaces the roars from earlier. You take a quick look around and notice that not one person isn’t completely transfixed on him. Even the dean can’t keep her eyes off him.

You give him credit for not balking under the intense gazes of literally everyone. You know you sure as hell would have, never being one to like being the center of attention. At least, not like this.

You clue into his speech as you look back at him. He’s talking about how he found himself as a teenager thinking of what he wanted his future to look like and what he wanted to do with his schooling, which is not only why he took a couple years to explore the continent before enrolling, but why he will be doing a major and a minor at the school.

One for his career, and one for his heart.

You won’t admit to yourself that the sentiment very closely resonates with you.

He continues.

“All that said, I asked to address you all today for one very simple reason, being that, for my time here at the academy, I wish to be treated like any other student. I am not unaware of my celebrity and how I am seen to the outside world. It is not lost on me my place in the world and who I am to become. I know for some that it may be… difficult to see me for anything other than who I am, and this is why I ask you humbly, just for the short while that I’m here, you all treat me no differently than you already do one another,” he pauses for a moment. “I extend my request most deeply to those who will be studying alongside me in my business administration major and photography minor, as I don’t want it to affect my studies.”

Yuri slaps her hand down onto your leg causing you to jerk forward and you clamor to not drop any of your books. Business administration is her major. Her parents want her to take over the family biz after school.

That was probably why she partied so much. Living as much as she can before being thrust into a job she doesn’t want for the rest of her life.

Pity creeps back up your throat at the thought.

Jungkook notices your jerking movement, but only for a second. His eyes meet yours and you hope yours convey ‘sorry for interrupting’.

You may not care about him, but just like him you are not unaware of his status in the world outside the walls of your school.

Yuri, of course, thinks he’s looking at her and not only does her grip on your leg tighten to the point of circulation cut off, she returns to her earlier routine of batting her eyelashes.

You roll your eyes away from her sight, but unbeknownst to you, well within the gaze of Jungkook.

He suppresses a smile at your response to your friend's clear attempts to gain his attention.

You, on the other hand, seem indifferent to him. He has the entire student body watching his every move with hawk-like precision, enraptured. Normal, for him.

But you?

You just seem to… not care. Like he wasn’t anyone special. Like the word in front of his name meant nothing.

And if it wasn't the most freeing feeling he’s felt in a long time.

“Thank you so much for your time, and I’ll see you all around campus,” he finishes before stepping down, security wrapping around him again until he’s barely visible. The dean pops up to conclude the gathering but you aren’t paying attention anymore, too busy trying to peel Yuri’s hand off your thigh.

“Yuri, retract the claws please!” you whisper-yell to your friend. And she does in fact, retract instantly.

“Shit, sorry. My brain is running a million miles a minute,” she says as she pinches herself, shaking her head and smiling. “I’m three years ahead of him in his major. His major YN! But he’s still older than us, which is so hot. I'm so glad he did that tour in the east and whatever else that kept him back for a couple years, it makes this whole situation even better,” you start to worry at the look in her eye as she continues.

“What if he needs a tutor? What if I become his tutor, and we fall in love like a cliche romance movie. I could be the future queen. YN, this could actually happen for me. I could actually get the prince, it’s not some wild dream anymore. I could talk to him and he would talk back and this could happen.”

You can feel that she’ll just keep spiraling, nothing being able to stop her train of thought at this point, so you try your best to at least have her do her thinking in her head.

“Maybe! I wish you nothing but luck!” And you mean it. You don’t think it will happen the way she does, but you never know. And you don’t want to give her false hope.

You’ve always been the realist to Yuri’s optimist.

With the assembly over, most of the crowd files out of the courtyard quickly, prior plans calling to them or classes starting soon.

Only a few stragglers are left behind. You and Yuri are two of them, as well as Adaline, and a couple more you don’t know.

Security starts to spread out and you watch as Jungkook makes his way to the people farthest from you, much to their delight.

It’s a group of guys, all of whom look muscular enough to be varsity athletes. Maybe Jungkook will want to do sports while he’s here. You know that he’s an accomplished rugby player, greatly to his fathers dismay, but to the pleasure of anyone who has about $10 and has access to magazines or wifi.

“Oh my god he’s making his way over. Do. Not. Move. I want him to come to us,” Yuri says, forcing you to stay in your spot. It would be fruitless to try anything anyway. Another lesson you learned the hard way in first year.

She starts fluffing her hair and asking you to check her teeth. You do. She’s in the clear.

Unfortunately, you two would most likely be the last people he greeted, so you had to watch as he made his way down the line of people.

He greets the guys with a handshake and a clap to the back, and the girls with a kiss to the top of the hand.

One thing you notice as he meets more and more people is that everyone still calls him ‘prince’ or ‘your highness.’

It’s automatic for them, they’re not even thinking twice about it, but it’s also completely besides the point of half of his whole speech. He wanted to be treated like everybody else.

It especially irked you when it was Adaline’s turn and she put on her most feminine, formal, and ridiculously overly flirty, “Hello, Prince Jungkook,” before curtseying, blasting her full facade of charm and courteousness.

Ever the dainty, prim and proper duchess, she’s all small laughs and less than subtle flirting, never impolite, and never speaking out of turn.

You wanted to gag, and you’re quite sure that’s exactly what your face conveyed. But Jungkook smiles wide for her, and is as kind to her as he was to everyone else prior. He even flirts back a little bit.

Yeah, you definitely want to gag. What a match those two would make.

But just as soon as he greets Adaline and her friend, he politely steps away and moves on to you and Yuri.

“Hello ladies, what might your names be?” he asks ever so formally.

You gently laugh at being called a lady and Yuri shoots you a look. Jungkook doesn’t appear to take offense though.

“Hello, your highness!” Yuri chirps in the most ‘I'm trying to flirt but trying to not sound like I’m flirting’ voice you’ve ever heard her use. “My name is Yuri Yeun, and I’m actually a business admin major too, just a few years ahead.”

Jungkook lifts her hand to his mouth, giving it a light kiss and she looks like she’s about to explode.

“It’s lovely to meet you Yuri, I’ll look forward to seeing you around the halls,” he says in the same tone he’s used for everyone else. He’s about to face you, but Yuri cuts in quickly.

“If you ever need any help with your studies, just let me know. I’d be happy to help you with anything you might need help with. Having already been through it, I may be able to give a students insight versus a professors.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future. Thank you for your generosity.” Again that same tone, you mentally dub it his ‘greeting the public like the ever so good royal I am’ voice.

He turns to you and extends his hand for yours.

You reach for it, twisting it so that instead of a hand turned upright to be kissed, it’s a regular handshake. If he wanted to be treated like anyone else here, you sure as hell were going to.

“I’m YN, it’s nice to meet you Jungkook.” At the mention of his name untitled, he pauses, eyes widening ever so slightly. It’s not a bad pause, just a surprised one. And by the looks of the small smile on his face, a good one.

Yuri's eyes, on the other hand, almost bug out of her skull at your informal greeting.

“Likewise,” he manages to get out, completely unlike his usually composed self.

You're the only one who hasn’t addressed him with his title, and it’s the most like him he’s ever felt.

Twice in one day—in one hour—you’ve managed to make him feel more human and more like himself than he ever has. With your distinct indifference to him of all things.

Jungkook decides then and there he’s very sure he wants more of it in his life.

He still hasn’t stopped shaking your hand, and you don’t know why that’s the only thing you can focus on. His hand is firm and calloused, the kind that can only be built over years of hard work.

Releasing you the second you think it, he looks as if he hadn’t realized he was still holding on too.

Quick to step back into his princely role, Jungkook says, “Pardon my forwardness, but I just have to say that the two of you are beautiful, and that it’s been lovely to meet you both.”

You swear you see Yuri’s soul ascend from her body at his words. “Thank you, Your Highness! That means so much coming from someone as well met as yourself,” she nearly fawns, and you roll your eyes out of her sight for the second time today.

And for the second time today, Jungkook does not let the gesture go unnoticed. How you hold no fear in showing how you feel in front of others, even those you’ve just met. As if it holds no consequence. 

It doesn’t for you, he realizes. 

You can freely show how you feel without worry of anyone over-analyzing your every facial tic. No fear that a slight misuse of a lip quirk or eyebrow raise could give away national secrets or offend a visiting diplomat.

He envies you for it. For having that freedom he so rarely does.

“You’re most welcome, Yuri. I’m glad you hold my opinion in such high regard.” He flashes her that well practiced bright smile and you already know what she won’t be shutting up about it anytime soon.

“I’ve always been told I have my fathers bone structure but my mothers beauty. I’ll be sure to let them know their Prince thinks the combination is worth complimenting,” you respond, not braggadocious or sarcastic in the slightest.

You know it would make your mom so proud to hear the future king found you pretty, even if you knew the compliment was given to every girl here.

Your father wasn’t in the picture, but that didn’t matter and the prince didn’t need to know.

“I hope they won’t mind a stranger's compliment on their daughter then,” Jungkook says, ducking his head slightly and giving you a smaller smile.

This one felt genuine, like he wanted to hold it back but couldn’t. So you return a small one of your own, to let him know this was an even exchange. You may not feel any type of way about the prince, but you were raised to be kind.

“Any praise for their daughter from the future King would be welcomed any day, I’m sure,” Yuri cuts back in, killing his smile along with it.

You’re sad to see it go.

“I’m relieved to hear it,” he responds, princely public persona back on. Stupid flashy smile back on. “What will you two be heading off to do now?”

“What I wanted to be doing for the last half hour in the first place before being hauled down here by this one,” you point a thumb at Yuri. “Finishing my study hour at the library,” you add quickly, before Yuri can get out her answer. You almost wish you hadn't because the hand that had your thigh in a death grip earlier now only somewhat playfully swats your shoulder.

“YN!”

“What!? I’m just being honest. He wants to be treated like anyone else right? That comes with people being honest to you instead of glazing over their answers with pretty little white lies to appease you.”

Yuri looks ready to rip you a new one, but she’s cut off again before she can open her mouth. This time by the prince.

“No, no it’s okay,” Jungkook says before she can swat you again. She stops mid swing at his words, eyes as wide as saucers at being stopped. “YN’s right, I appreciate the honesty, and I apologize for the interruption. I hope your studies will not be too greatly affected because of it.”

“Guess we’ll find out during midterm season,” you say with a smirk that turns into a genuine smile as you see Jungkook look panicked, like he actually thinks he messed up your education by disturbing your study session.

Relief quickly replaces the panic when he sees your smile and realises it was a joke.

Being treated like a regular person also meant being joked with at their expense, and he takes it in stride as his small smile from earlier makes a comeback.

“Well I have class in half an hour,” Yuri says, finally answering his question, “So probably grabbing a coffee from the cafe near the biz-admin building… I could show you if you want?”

“That sounds great actually, I’m still trying to figure out where everything is.”

“Great! Let’s go.”

Jungkook, ever the gentleman, lifts an arm for her to take and you watch them walk off, Yuri absolutely beaming as she glances back at you. You give her a thumbs up before collecting your books and heading back in the direction of the library.

Chapter Two: Unknown Numbers and Sharp Tongues

A/N 2: and so it begins.

[jonquilyst]

Day 0 - Introduction

🎵 Dear Mom and Dad, I’m doin’ fine. You guys are on my mind… 🎵

Welcome to the premiere of THE 2ND SEASON of Total Drama Sims: the hottest, freshest reality TV show on simblr. I'm your host jonquilyst, though if you tuned in to the show last season, you'll already know who I am!

14 more teenagers have gathered to put their wits, guts, and strength to the test to seek out the ✨ grand prize. ✨ Like last season, they will compete in crazy challenges, deal with less-than-perfect living arrangements, and face the judgement of each other!

🎵 You asked me what I wanted to be, and I think the answer is plain to see… 🎵

🎵 I wanna live close to the sun. Pack your bags 'cause I’ve already won… 🎵

Allow me to give you the grand tour of the no-longer-abandoned film lot we claimed for this season! Instead of cabins, contestants will be staying in these cramped trailers, just like actors on set! There's one for each team with 7 beds each and complimentary bathrooms.

Our mess hall is a bit less rustic than the one we had at the summer camp, but it's got that same ol' charm with 2 dining tables and a small living area for everyone's convenience!

Now, on to the fun part: replacing the shoddy outhouse, our contestants' destination for providing their juicy confessionals will be a makeup trailer right behind the trailers! Get used to it: it'll appear every single day with a different contestant providing their thoughts.

And finally, the auditorium! This will be the site of our ever-so-exciting elimination ceremonies. In front of it is the walk-of-shame, where losers will say goodbye to Total Drama Sims to catch the lame-o-sine at the very end!

🎵 Everything to prove nothing’s in my way. I’ll get there one day! 🎵

Now, allow me to formally introduce you to our 14 new contestants!

(from left to right; top to bottom)

(also fun fact: the poses are all different this time, so everyone's portrait is truly unique to them!)

ASHLEE SCHAEFER (she/her) by @shmoodlet - A rap artist who always wants to be the center of attention

BRODY SHERMAN (he/him) by @aniraklova - A football captain who loves to party and cause mischief

COFFEE BEAN (she/her) by @riverofjazzsims - A gloomy and introverted polyglot who was entered into the competition by her twin sister so she can have more typical teenager experiences

DREW PINTO (she/they) by @witheringscreations - A talented track athlete who wants to make friendships outside of those she trains with

ENZO ESPINOZA (he/him) by @seyvia - A handsome model who wants to prove to his brothers that he's the most exceptional sibling

FLO HARPER (she/her) by @akitasimblr - A nosy "rebel" (she only dresses the part) who secretly loves to bake

HANS SOMME (he/him) by @ethicaltreatmentofcowplants - A physically gifted, socially inept snob who doesn't think TDS will be that hard

LIANA MORRIS (she/her) by @bloomingkyras - An introverted computer whiz who chose to compete in TDS so she wouldn't have to go to her grandparents' house

NEAL WARD (he/him) by @nakasumi-sims - Son of famous actor Judith Ward. Judith signed him up for TDS2 so he could be occupied while she's filming overseas

PAULINA CALLAWAY (she/her) by @cowplant-ate-my-sim - A cheerful girl who signed up for TDS so she could have a free vacation

TAKASHI ABBOTTSFORD (he/him) by @stargazer-sims - A friendly and talkative boy who thinks he'd be good at TDS due to growing up in a large chaotic family

TONI STROUD (she/her) by @simsinfinitylt - A creative and imaginative thespian who is determined to make a name for herself

TRISTAN BACHMAN (he/him) by @micrathene-w - A snarky academic genius who accidentally arrived at TDS when he was meant to go to his academic decathlon meet

WILLABELLE LOWES (she/her) by @invisiblequeen - An overachiever who is confident she'll win TDS

🎵 I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE, I WANNA BE FAMOUS! 🎵

Wait... What About Teams?

Yea... about that: teams will be sorted a little differently this season! Instead of randomized teams right away, they are being formed after the first socialization day, when everyone has time to form relationships! Shortly before the first challenge, two people will be selected at random to be the "captains" of the teams. From there, they will select their teammates schoolyard-style (alternating between boys and girls) based on their relationships with the other contestants!

[onlyangel4]

getting under to get over (LN4). part 2

lando norris x !neale reader

after a break up you are desperate to have a good time on your birthday and forget about him and one of your father’s drivers seems to want to help out.

warnings-18+ cussing. mentions of drinking. mentions of the end of a long term relationship. reader was cheated on in a previous relationship. (somewhat) forbidden relationship. the next part will be pretty much all smut. heavy petting. yearning.

part one // part three

this felt wrong. your father had put together a birthday party fit for a princess to try and distract you from your break up with harry and you were incredibly grateful, but you would be lying if you said that your mind was not preoccupied with thoughts of a certain driver.

you were wracking your brain, trying to think of why lando would want to talk to you. you were friends with him for sure but if this conversation was just an innocent one why did it have to wait. safe to say your head was truly scrambled as you thought about what the conversation may be about. but you decided not to focus on that, you were in a room full of your favourite people. you were going to make sure that you had fun on your first birthday as a single woman since you were fifteen.

lando watched on as you danced with some of your best friends, your body moving to the music in such perfect rhythm. he could tell that the drink in your hand was making you forget that you were in a room with your family and not your friends. but your unbothered deamonor did make lando smile, it was part of your charm. you often became blinkered just focusing on exactly what was in front of you and not the outside world. lando had noticed this little quirk of yours ever since he started hanging out and drinking with you. he found it endearing and rather cute, but he had also been forced to watch on as harry critiqued you for not being aware of your surroundings, citing that you needed to focus more, something that lando did not agree with at all. harry never understood you, lando saw it clearly and he was sure that he was not the only one who thought the same. he often heard whispering from your friends of all the various ways that harry had fucked up in your relationship, they seemed to dislike him just as much as lando did.

lando was mingling with everyone in the venue waiting for the perfect moment to pull you aside, desperate to get a little alone time with you. he finally got his opportunity strike when he noticed you step outside, the venue had an outside area reserved for smoking, but you were using it to get some air. it was a little overwhelming to be thrown into a massive birthday party when all you had been expecting was dinner with your parents, this was a little different.

 he made his way outside his eyes quickly finding you sat down around a small unlit fire pit. “y/n”, he spoke softly to get your attention before taking a seat next to you. you smiled at the realisation of who had joined you, “hey lando”, you kindly greeted as your eyes looked over at him, “what was it you wanted to talk about”, you broke, curiosity finally getting the better of you.

“i just wanted to make sure you were okay, jasmine gave me the run down on everything that happened with harry. I knew you guys had broken up but i did not realise that he had been such a fucking asshole”, lando spoke his anger showing in his facial features for a split second before he focused back on you and his features once again softened.

you mentally noted that you needed to have a conversation with your best friend about telling everyone your personal life but that could wait, it was rather sweet that lando was concerned about your wellbeing. “yeah I’m not going to lie to you lan, it has been a tough couple of months”, you admitted.

at your words lando had frowned, hating the idea of you having to go through all of that just because of some guy who did not realise how lucky he was to have you. “you know. i never liked him, you were always too good for him”, lando spoke and you laughed, “no i’m being serious y/n he never treated you right, he was always too busy for you, do you remember when he cancelled on your holiday and you had to go to spain by yourself”, he spoke and you nodded. You did not need reminding of a trip that you were meant to share with harry but you ended up spending it alone, sulking around the pool for seven days.

“yeah that was a difficult time”, you admitted as you looked at him, “it has just been hard lando, trying to imagine going through my life alone. i know he treated me badly but i just miss him, well how he made me feel”, you were sure you saw him frown at your last words, but you were tipsy so you were probably imagining it. but lando did move to wrap his arm around your shoulders his hand gently rubbing up and down your arm, “i know y/n, you had been with him for so long it must be difficult to imagine being with anyone else”, he had hit the nail on the head with that one. you had only ever slept with harry, you had no idea what it would be like sharing intimate moments with anyone else.

“yeah, i have no idea how to love anyone else”, you admitted and for a moment you felt lando’s gaze burn into you. “my friends keep on telling me that I need to get under someone to get over him”, you spoke with a laugh but lando was not laughing, no you had never seen a more serious look on his face and it made your brow furrow.

“what if i could help with that y/n”, he spoke as his free hand moved to your thigh, “no one else is going to want to openly be a rebound”, he proposed, “i am also a little deprived in that area and you know that I would be able to look after you. i know you y/n”, he spoke and your jaw went slack, completely lost for words. he was being serious. “it will be fun y/n, I promise”, he spoke and you couldn’t help but seriously think about his offer.

“no strings attached?”, you questioned.

“if that is what you want”, he spoke, despite knowing that he would ultimately end up wanting more but right now he was focused on whatever you were going to decided.

“when?”

“what about now, your father booked the hotel, we can just disappear for a little bit, people seem occupied”

you nodded softly but lando did not seem satisfied with that answer, “darling, if we are going to do this, i need you to tell me you want this”, he spoke softly.

“i want this”, you confirmed before leaning forward to meet lando’s lips with yours capturing the driver in a passionate kiss your lips moving in perfect time with his. you felt his hands move and instead he moved his hands to your hips and lifted you onto his lap. you could already feel his hardening cock underneath you as you stayed perched on his lap. you slowly pulled away from his lips to catch your breath and as you did you could see something dark behind his usually soft eyes, lust. you brought your lips to his neck, softly peppering kisses up and down his neck until you felt his hands tangle in your hair pulling your lips away from his neck. “not here y/n”, he gently scolded reminding you that your party was still going on inside and all it would take would be someone coming outside for a smoke and then you would be caught instantly.

“come on darling, lets go upstairs, then i can properly look after you”

[couldpolyamorysavethem]

ELIZABETH BURKE, PETER BURKE, and NEAL CAFFREY from WHITE COLLAR

Justification:

"okay listen this might already be in the queue but i sincerely believe the last three seasons of the show would've gone in a completely different direction if peter got that last little push away from his bullshit cop behaviour by neal pulling some grand romantic gesture for him + el. like, come on man, you've already come to peace with legality not being the same as morality after you ran all those cons and let neal cut and run, but he's so convinced the ONLY way to do good in the world is being an fbi agent that he like, actively makes things worse for neal (AND HIMSELF? AND ELIZABETH?) over and over again just so he can preserve the status quo of neal being his CI + while peter's an active field agent. would kissing about his devotion to their dynamic and neal's rehabilitation and peter's complicity in neal's dehumanisation by the state solve that? maybe not! but considering the alternative is neal fucking dying (he got better) about it i think we should give it a shot!

that previous paragraph was more or less me preaching to the choir wrt this relationship but still here's my pitch:

neal is essentially already the third in elizabeth + peter's marriage, with how much he lives in peter's brain during pre-series sequences, how INVESTED he is in their relationship (reminding peter of anniversaries), and then IN the actual series that only increases when he's coming around to their place all the time

each pair within this trio have supporting but distinct relationships w one another that they all benefit from (and they often need the support of all three dynamics to get through Issues™)

that one episode where peter ends up on the run w another fbi agent and neal gets paired up with that guy's CI, and there's just an unbelievable amount of parallels between the two pairs and their relationship, even after its established that those two are in a romantic relationship and peter and neal 'aren't'. like peter says he'd go to neal first if he was ever in trouble LIKEEE

fucking everything about the run up to the finale of season 2 where we hear over and over again that the only two ways conmen end up are with 'one last score' (which inevitably leads to the next, because they can't help themselves), or going to prison. OR, the 'true love' option, where an ex-conman is able to genuinely settle down and go straight (more or less). this 'secret third option' is literally even spelled out to us IN an episode about a trio of thieves (byron june and ford) who meant the world to each other!

neal uses the engagement ring he was GOING to give to his TEXTUAL 'true love' in order to pay for peter's ransom that one time and isn't even cut up about it??

also like the episode before that neal and peter switch identities (very well) and neal acts like elizabeth's wife, and the only issue peter (or anyone) has with it is that he's also committing the crime of impersonating a federal agent.

season three finale where peter asks why neal didn't run when he just got the score of his life and the first thing he says is 'you, elizabeth', before listing literally anything else. INCLUDING HIS CURRENT ROMANTIC INTEREST?

also the scene before that where neal immediately folds from his season long cat and mouse game with peter and hiding the treasure because elizabeth's in danger! and peter only believes he's not lying abt any of it bc it's elizabeth!

that one shot in the pilot where neal and elizabeth look up at peter and you can so clearly see he has a type.

literally everything about elizabeth + neal's interactions in s1. get you a girl who sneaks you into her house past dozens of fbi agents so you can talk to your handler personally about being framed for a crime that she has no reason to suspect you didn't do other than believe in your and her husband's relationship!

im losing track of my argument at this point. anyway can someone please knock peter upside the head with some kind of bi awakening for the love of god this homoerotic 'partners' situation has an unbelievably high body count not to mention all the violation of civil liberties and frankly you could've all moved to paris and started a detective agency YEARS ago and this show would become slice of life" - @time-is-restored